#it hurts so bad bc i haven't slept enough

[nobodybetterlookatme]

My head is fucking murdering me and I have to be up early tomorrow 😭

[skunkes]

nyalon is also a vampire?

also have u ever gone into detail abt how ur vampirism works? other than the "drinks blood" requirement there are so many variations

Only vaguely bc there's details i still wanna iron out and also talon himself is an outlier within my in world vampirism so i have to figure out what a healthy and powerful vampire wld look like...

For me its that vampires have 2 intake systems for blood, so that tooth-hole feeding can coexist with Drinking it, the former being what gives vampires their youth and function and the latter being more like food and energy... they also have a reservoir for blood in the stomach (or maybe that is the stomachs repurposed function...) where any excess can be stored....

if a vampire is unable to get any fang intake blood (like talon refuses to do for a good while as punishment) they visibly and physically age. The reservoir keeps them functioning until they can feed again, very slowly releasing just enough blood into the body to keep them at a very base level of energy + everything else (an average vampire's entire body, joints and the like would hurt tons without fang intake blood...like when ur head and stomach and such hurt when u havent slept/eaten/had water and u have limited energy due to it but also like your body is 3 seconds away from shutting down depending on how starved they are)

If a vampire runs out of this stomach stored blood, they will undergo a monsterous animalistic transformation. Im not sure if this will be #real yet but I think it would be fun if thats where the myth of werewolves would come from in universe. A vampire wld not remember the events that happened while in this state bc this it serves as a desperate final attempt to find sustenance. They are also very strong during this and sense of smell is greatly enhanced. Rly exhausting to the body. I think they could travel great distances to get to a source of (a good amount of) blood if needed but I'm also toying with like. Maybe if they stay in dis form long enough the overactive senses and strength die down but they kind of just stay as this beast forever... Idk! Could even be in insane punishment somehow....

They can and do have powers/abilities, probably inherited but I haven't figured out the specifics. Talon currently only has 2, though im not sure if the one of his abilities was dormant, if abilities can be further improved or trained, if he could access other abilities if he tried or was shown how to or if they're just impossible for him to learn bc his sire didnt possess them, etc. There's also a hierarchy in vampire society too of course... I also havent decided if they can eat stuff that isnt blood in any capacity....rn I feel bad Talon can't eat people food and I know very many people who would eat stuff even if it hurt them...atm vampires can't consume anything thicker than honey without it making them feel very ill, since they can only process (and remove waste products from the body via) liquids

I also havent figured out how sunlight would affect them....mostly bc i want so badly for talon to be able to lay in a sunbeam inside the home LOL but i qill figure it out. He can always just wear big hats outside....perhaps it takes a while for the sun to harm (instead of instantly becoming aflame upon stepping outside)

[taeyungie]

ah em thanks for replying to my long ask (sorry for another long one). i wanted to clear somethings up if it changes anything. but first, you might be right that he was jealous and just didn't show it. he seemed indifferent about me getting back to my ex so i never thought anything of it. he does sometimes randomly ask if i talked to my ex again after the final breakup happened (i haven't). anyways, i don't think he did what he did as a distraction from his hurt because i broke up with my ex 2 years ago! (and the guy that followed was also 2 yrs ago) i haven't been in a relationship with anyone since. and its because i started falling for him during that time. the fling happened months ago :( you're right about wanting to take it slow, he's probably really cautious but the fact of him knowing i had feelings for him before i even admitted it & still slept with the other person makes me think it's definitely not a priority for him. i assumed it would be cause again i had no idea there was someone else, and i lowkey thought he'd be happy i was willing to give us a try since i messed up the first time. i forgot to mention this is a long distance thing too it gets even more complicated. now that i found out about the fling (idk whether it was a 1 time thing or not) i keep wondering if he's seeing this person still it's driving me crazy) ive been cheated on and my insecurities are bad. but i do see his side in all this too cause he's been talking about coming to see me, and idk when that would be but i have delayed the idea for awhile by brushing it off (cause i wanted to be a better me before we met, i'm still working through things physically and mentally) but also i figured i could buy some time while he finishes his degree. so i didn't mind if it takes awhile, but the longer i take, the longer things aren't serious, and the longer he'll just see other people, but that pushes me away cause i don't want someone like that. it feels like a lose/lose situation now and it seems like its my fault. maybe i should've waited when i knew i could see him for sure, but now i'm not as confident in us bc of how lowkey he kept this from me in the first place. maybe my expectations are too high for something that's not official. ig i expected more cause he's my best friend too.

i understand you sweetheart, i really do, and I'm so sorry that you're going through this with someone who's so special to you. but i need you to talk to him, to tell him exactly what you told me. there's nothing wrong in overthinking things, especially if it's a sensitive topic to you. you have rights to know what is he really thinking and feeling, because if he's not serious about it then i wouldn't want you to waste your time and nerves on viewing this relationship as something that it might never be, i don't want him to give you false hope. you have to be clear about what you want and he has to be too, otherwise it's not gonna work and both of you will keep hurting each other. I always say that communication is key, it's better to say too much than not enough. At the same time, i feel like some people do not connect physical relationships with emotional connection, which might be the case for him, we don't know what is happening in his head and if he is ready to commit to a relationship at all. but you have to ask him about that, ask him to stop leading you by your nose if this is not what he wants, because your feelings are serious and you want to know what you're standing on. you need to ask him for clarity, baby. he should respect your feelings if he knew about them. not even as potential partner but as your best friend he owes you that.

[antiadvil]

Okay so. It all starts with: one of my migraine preventatives gives me insomnia. Which can get pretty bad especially when combined with, you know, the migraine. I've tried to go off of it, but the pain was so bad that I decided to just deal with it and try going off again when I get my second round of Botox, or third, or when I get to go on one of the monoclonal antibodies. You get the idea. Surely ONE of those things has to be good enough that I don't need to keep taking insomnia juice especially considering I am ALSO on beta blockers like give me a fucking break.

So with the insomnia and no real schedule I need to stick to, my sleep schedule has gotten progressively more and more fucked, but yesterday was still for sure an outlier. I slept for an hour and 40 minutes from like, 3am to 4:30? I had a nightmare and didn't want to go back to sleep, and I wasn't really tired until 8 or 9, by which point I was like, MCR tickets go on sale at 10am, I might as well just stay awake for that. So I do. At which point my headache is getting worse bc of the whole sleep thing, and also, I'm super hungry (like I literally ate dinner idk what more you want from me body) but also incredibly nauseous, I keep taking bites of a granola bar and then gagging, and I eventually throw out the granola bar bc FUCK YOU if you're gonna be like that. So I've resigned myself to my suffering.

Anyways, I get good luck with concert tickets for literally the first time in my life, take a moment to reflect on how expensive event tickets have ALL gotten post-Covid like give me a break?? Take a zofran and go back to bed. I don't quite sleep for 3 hours, but it's the longest chunk of sleep I get that day, so when I go to my sleep in the Fitbit app it shows me that I slept from 10am to like, 2. Great. Okay. I'm just nocturnal now, I guess.

My head felt better after I slept (which is good bc naps are very hit or miss) and I wasn't nauseous anymore. Thank you zofran. I do accidentally cut myself making lunch and it hurts and is probably the worst cut I've ever gotten but whatever. That's a low bar, I've lived a relatively accident-free life. I have to take time to clean it and all that which is annoying but the pain is a distraction from the head pain, so that's a little bit nice (this is where I'm at in life). I eat lunch (thank you zofran). I do some other stuff, probably, I mainly remember looking at my ao3 marked for later, realizing it was 45 pages long, and going "goddamn, I've got to do something about that." And then reading fic for like an hour.

Approaching dinner time and the nausea must be coming back bc I was Not Hungry. Whatever!! I didn't like zofran anyways. I skipped my insomnia juice dose because I wanted to try to fix my sleep schedule so that's probably not making my head feel great. Fucked up sleep schedules can be a migraine trigger for me too so like, there was no way this was ever going to be a good migraine day, but it was at least short considering it started around 2pm. Around 9pm I agreed to beta a fic, it's really short so I figured I could do it that night even though I haven't taken my adhd meds in days and the migraine is definitely getting worse. Like, no one is going to be mad at me or anything if I say sure let me get to that tomorrow, there's no deadline, I just think I can do it and there's no point putting off things I can do, it's not like I can wait for a pain free day to tackle my to do list. So I read it and make my notes and it does take a bit longer than I expected bc the pain is getting distracting and the general fogginess set in a while ago but I finish it. By the time I finish it's very clear that I need to get to bed like, right now. Actually sooner than that, if at all possible. I stare at my fridge and try to drink a yogurt drink because dinner is good for you. My stomach reminds me that it's NAUSEOUS. How dare I try to feed it right now. Okay sorry!!!! I don't have time for more zofran. I get my ice pack out of the freezer, which is making weird noises. I stare at it for a while and think about putting in a maintenance request. Do I look like someone who knows anything about freezers. I don't like those noises but like. Not my problem right now. Except for the fact that my ice pack could definitely be colder, that kind of is my problem right now.

The really cool thing about daily migraines is that there are exactly two rescue medications you can take more than three times a week. Most you can only take twice. A fun fact about me is I've tried both of those medications, and they don't really work for me. Nurtec is an okay chaser for residual photophobia but on its own? It's not going to help for most of my migraines. And, according to the receipt on the box I got a few days ago, 8 pills costs $1206 before insurance, so it's not easy to get ahold of. So when my migraine starts to get bad past like, 4pm, I'm not going to waste a dose of something that could potentially make me feel better for a full day on like 6 hours. I'm just going to take Benadryl and go to bed early. Sleeping for the night usually reduces my pain levels. I don't know why the Benadryl works, all I know is I got IV Benadryl once and woke up feeling so much better it was suspicious, and other sleep aids don't do that, and my neurologist said it was fine to keep taking it. When I try to sleep off a bad migraine without Benadryl, it sometimes works, but sometimes the migraine just wakes me up in the middle of the night when it gets worse, so when it's Bad, I always take Benadryl. I haven't had to do that as frequently lately! Which is nice. Thanks Botox. Benadryl is also supposed to help with nausea (one of the reasons it's in migraine cocktails) and I kind of feel like I might throw up for real when I stand up so that would be nice (my migraines make me nauseous on occasion but like. Actually thinking I might throw up is not very common. I haven't thrown up from a migraine in like 11 years, and that was because it made me motion sick and I wasn't able to get out of the moving vehicle).

I have a green light setup in my bedroom that's a lot more comfortable on my eyes, but when the migraine is really bad, it's still too much. So I turn on a podfic and my screen reader and put a blanket over my head and close my eyes. I took one Benadryl, I wasn't sure if I'd need two. I wait half an hour or so and listen to my fic and decide I'll need two so I take another. Eventually I get sleepy enough that I pause the podfic (one of the things I know how to do with a screenreader!) and fall asleep. Which is great. I love not being awake.

It's completely dark when I wake up, which is not good, because I should have slept until at least dawn, and I'm also in excruciating pain, which is bad. Welp. I've never been woken up by a migraine through the Benadryl before. I don't always sleep through the full night, the various insomnia juices I've been on could get pretty powerful, and I don't always wake up feeling better, but being woken up in the middle of the night by a migraine is a different thing than waking up in the middle of the night and happening to also have a migraine. You know?

At this point there's nothing to do but take a rescue medication, I'm not going to be able to fall back asleep with this kind of pain and it's not even 2am yet and also: this is probably the worst pain I've experienced in at least a month and I would like it to STOP. I'm just weird like that! I experience pain and would like to Not. I think about my life choices (taking my last sumatriptan injection a few days ago when it would have been really nice to take now, I really don't want to hang around for an hour waiting for the pills to kick in). I keep a bottle of diclofenac on my bedside table for midnight snack situations like this. You’re not supposed to take diclofenac on an empty stomach but I had half a bottle of yogurt drink 4 hours ago which totally counts because at my current pain level I'm not really capable of conscious thought, I'm pretty proud of myself for managing to read the label on the pill bottle to check that I'm taking the right thing. Also I'm not at much of a risk of GI bleeds anyways, like, there's always some level of that risk with NSAIDs, but mine is overall very low and I am not going to the kitchen for a granola bar, I feel sick and I am in so much pain that I will die if I move and I remember what happened last time I tried to eat a granola bar. So whatever! This really would be the perfect time to do an injection but I don't have one. My pills are in my tummy now. Yum.

I lie awake thinking for a while about how I'm in so much pain and wondering where it all went wrong. Probably when my nervous system first developed in the womb, though the nocturnal sleep schedule for a day probably didn't help. I think about how much pain I'm in. I think about how I really need to refill that sumatriptan injection prescription. I think about IV toradol. Or IV DHE. Or IV prednisone. Or idk. IV something. Anything that isn't going to have to go all the way through my digestive system before it kicks in. I very bravely unlock my phone to put the diclofenac into my migraine tracker, even though that's complicated enough that I have to turn off my screen reader and look at the screen with my real eyes.

Anyways. The diclofenac must have kicked in at some point, but I don't remember it. Midnight snack diclofenac is funny like that because I generally fall asleep when it kicks in so I never actually feel it do anything. I just lie there thinking about how much it hurts and how the drugs will never work and then when they start to work, I fall asleep, so I never feel them fully work. Sorry for ignoring your hard work, drugs.

I woke up again at a normal time with the usual headache and some extra residual eye hurty. I feel tired but not nauseous anymore, thank god. I took some nurtec, it helped, I'm thinking of following up with some Tylenol. Breakfast might help. I kind of want to fall asleep again, which also might help. Wow. Yesterday sucked. WOW. I did not deserve that. Holy shit. And I'm supposed to just get out of bed. And be normal. Someone should be bringing me bacon and chocolate chip pancakes right now!! I shouldn't have to make that myself if I want bacon and chocolate chip pancakes!! I already took my adhd meds but I feel like I can sleep anyways. Which I think I'll probably do even though breakfast should be higher on my priority list. Good night. Ow

Ok this is just going to be a rambling thing of self pity but after the night I've had I really deserve one of those so... I'm going to put it in a rb so it doesn't show up in the actual tags but I'm fucking complaining and you can't stop me

[eatdrinkandburyme]

.

[boilingheart]

cw: suicidal thoughts //

idk how to do a read more on mobile sorry otherwise I'd crop it. I told myself I wouldn't vent about shit like this heavy and personal online anymore but I'm not doing so good and I need to put it somewhere

I'm not very healthy and I'm not very happy. I'm not doing so good mentally. Financially things suck really bad, I've been eating one meal a day for the past 3 months and I can't fall asleep until it's at least 5-6AM. I fixed my sleep schedule last week and it only lasted 2 days. It's almost 9AM that I write this and I haven't slept

My shoulder hurts again and I think it's because I got lazy on physical therapy. I'm scared ill dislocate it again. I hurt my knee at work last week and I hurt it again a few days ago and right now the whole muscle is swollen and sore and tender and I limp when I walk. I'm 24 and I feel so breakable and weak, I have no muscle, I'm too fucking tall, and I feel like any one of my bones are going to pop out of their sockets. I still have to go to work and get my license and do other things but how can I if my shoulder feels so weak? It's recovering from a dislocation still but it feels like it got worse, not to mention my trapezius has been getting pins and needles daily for no reason and no treatment has worked and my doctor doesn't know what's causing it

Somethings wrong with my skin too. I think it's eczema, I hope that's all it is, but it's the worst it's ever been. My whole left arm is completely discolored and dry and itchy and it's starting to spread on more of my body in ways I've never seen. I'm scared it'll get to my face next

I am so so uncomfortable. There's no space in my house. There's 5 of us in one house and we all fucking hate each other and There's 3 animals and there's no food and even if there is I'm too scared to go out there to eat bc my parents sleep in the living room cause there's no space for them anywhere and they fight daily and if I pass by one of them I'll aggro them and get stuck in a 2 hour lecture of some alt right bullshit or terf shit or thinly veiled misogynistic or racist takes I can't stand it

You know that phrase you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink? I'm the horse. And I don't want to drink anything. I know all of my problems. I'm not working on a single project because I have no discipline and no motivation and unmedicated ADHD that's so bad it makes me wanna fucking end it. I have so many things I want to do but no drive. I'm passionate about things but not enough. I'm not going to sleep early I'm not eating or drinking I'm not exercising or doing physical therapy I'm not going for walks and getting sunlight I'm not maintaining myself beyond brushing my teeth every night, and showering when it's time to go to work and doing my job as required. I know everything I'm doing wrong. I know that what I'm doing is making everything worse. I know that I could be making it better for myself. But I dont... care anymore? I shouldn't be scratching my arms but I stopped caring about that I just want relief and I don't care the cost. I stay up late and let myself cause I just want the satisfaction of finishing this video or whatever it is I'm doing. Everything is numb. People will tell me what I need to be doing so I can stop and I'll know they're 100% correct and that I need to listen but I don't. I don't have it in me anymore for some reason. I don't know why it's so hard to just so it. I don't know. I don't know if it's executive dysfunction or depression or disassociation or what.

And thing is. I've told myself years ago I'd never kill myself. Cause like, I have so much I need to do, so much on the line, people I need to take care of, things I want to do, a lot of things to live for. I wrote down a list of things to live for that took up 2 pages, and it helped me a lot. Kept me centered and focused. I am not allowed to die because I have so much on the line. I am not allowed to.

But recently I found myself looking at this list of mine, of thinking about all these things, and... it invokes no emotion in me. I look at my long ass list of reasons to live and it does nothing for me. I don't care about them anymore??? It feels so empty. And I know that's bad. But I feel so detached and removed. I am in constant pain and constant stress and I can't lay on my right shoulder anymore cause it hurts and that sucks cause that's my favorite sleeping position, I'm always hungry and I'm always tired and I wake up at 3-4PM always and I have so many things to do to write to draw to create to record but it's not enough. It's not enough anymore. Nothing is enough. I have no drive or motivation. I don't have anything to look forward to. My goal is to move me and my siblings out of this house next year as an escape because I know this household is so unbelievably horrifically toxic and abusive that it will LITERALLY kill us if we stay here longer so I feel bad and selfish giving up before getting us out of here bc it's up to me to make sure I get us out. But I don't want to perform all this maintenance on myself anymore. I'm too lazy and cowardly to fully kill myself in one go but. I don't want to try anymore. I want to give up. I'm very very alone and I don't have irl friends and I have such a horrible way of communicating with people/friends online that I have. I keep everyone at an arms length I don't know how to be friends or reach out, I don't know how to navigate in a social space if I'm not an authority figure like a mod and that's a whole other pack of problems that comes from my inferiority complex. I don't know. I don't know. I need to say this somewhere and I'm sorry for anyone who's reading this and seeing how heavy and personal it is. I meant to stop doing this shit online already which is why I've been silent so much here but. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. And I don't know what to do. I need help but I know that I'm the only one who can help myself because I'm the horse and I need to drink but I don't want to. I would rather drown in it. I would rather drown and I don't know what to do. I know it's bad and wrong and unhealthy all of it but I just can't stop I can't stop. I am not okay. I need help and I don't know how to get it. Nothing is accessible out here. I'm a tiger in a cage and I'm going to die here. I'm letting myself rot and decay. I'm going to die here.

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

songs that make me think of vampy and why

this is for drea and leyla ONLY thank u

daylight- taylor swift "i don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you" bc vampy loves her so much he only wants her 😔 midnight love- girl in red "I know I'm the last one you try to call but I always give in to give you it all" "your silver is my gold" bc miss chiropractor treated him terribly but he loved her with everything and would have gone back to her no matter what watch you sleep- girl in red this one is obvious: bc vampy watches bloodbag sleep :) also "the scar on your spine, you fell off a roof when you were nine" is all appreciating the tiny details about someone and that is definitely something vampy would do :( paper rings: taylor swift "i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this" line without a hook- ricky montgomery "oh baby i am a wreck when i'm without you" bc vampy loves bloodbag so much he just wants to be with her always 😔 dead girl in the pool- girl in red this one is kinda weird but i feel like bloodbag is gonna die at some point and then vampy will just be like "theres a dead girl in the pool (or wherever her corpse is laying slfjskldfjkldsj) i don't know what to do" and then he's gonna make this face

bad habits- ed sheeran bc he was just slutting around before he met bloodbag demons- imagine dragons dont make fun of me for this I KNOW but fr it's vampy renegade- taylor swift "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" he needs bloodbag 😔 starting line- luke hemmings i can't really explain this one but it's like how you always talk about how his happiness is overshadowed by the fact that he's a monster or whatever million dollar bills - lorde "theres nothing i want but money and time" and vampy has literally all the money and time :) solar power- lorde this is harrys hot girl anthem idk happiness- taylor swift "there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" this is him reminiscing on miss chiropractor i wanna get better-bleachers "i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face" "I didn't know i was broken til i wanted to change" come on 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 good 4 u - olivia rodrigo this is his fuck u song for miss chiropractor my tears ricochet- taylor swift "if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake" it's ironic innit 😌 what a feeling- one direction "what a feeling to be right here beside you now, holding you in my arms" please 😔 "everybody needs someone around" 😔😔😔 "but i can't hold you too close now" bc he has severe attachment and commitment issues :) all you had to do was stay- taylor swift "had me in the palm of your hand, then, why'd you have to go and lock me out when i let you in" omg miss chiropractor really hurt him 😔 king of my heart- taylor swift "and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for" bloodbag @ vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 cruel summer- taylor swift "I love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard" bc he knows getting close to bloodbag will ultimately only lead to pain for everyone involved "i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" bc he can't tell bloodbag everything about him even tho he probably wants to :( thank u next- arianna grande this is weird BUT if miss chiropractor hadn't fucked him up so much he never would have met bloodbag tear in my heart- 21 pilots again don't make fun of me for this I HAVE AN EXPLANATION "you fell asleep in my car i drove the whole time but that's okay i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine" if bloodbag fell asleep in his car he would definitely do this :( shape of you-ed sheeran "now my bedsheets smell like you" his room probably smells like honey and lavender all the time now and he's probably foaming at the mouth constantly cowboy in LA "let's skip the club, lets skip the crowd, i wanna take you on a date" bc they both hate clubs!!!!! "I'll hold your hand I'll hold the door bc that's how i was raised" he's a gentleman 😔😔😔😔 & burn- billie eilish "i'll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me, but you never came back to ask it out" idk for some reason this has vampy and miss chiropractor vibes take me to church- hozier religious trauma babes 🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 speechless- dan+shay "i'm speechless, staring at you standing there in that dress" love 😔 yours- russel dickerson "i came to life when i first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than i was before, thank god i'm yours" SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHAKING tolerate it- taylor swift "i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" MISS ******** DIDN"T APPRECIATE OR CELEBRATE HIS LOVE MIA- anarbor "thinking about my life and everything i did wrong along the way"😔 lay low- josh turner for when bloodbag and vampy go to a cabin in the woods for a week and just love each other 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 who can save me now- anarbor "you stabbed me in the back" this one is pretty literal LSKFJLKSJFLKDSJ "you could have at least been kind enough to let me turn around" ouch 😔 dopamine- anarbor "i'm hooked on your dopamine" vampy and bloodbag ugh lie to me- 5sos this give me vampy and ******** vibes "i wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" "while i'm cleaning up your mess i know he's taking

off your dress" bc she probably cheated on him while they were together 😔 and he would have stayed with her if she told him she loved him, even if he knew it was a lie 😔 cotton candy- yungblud it's just a happy song with good vibes like bloodbag and vampy currently have :) small talk- niall horan i don't even have to say anything here pillowtalk- zayn "so we'll piss off the neighbors" chappy 9 vibes dancing with our hands tied- taylor swift "i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" vampy rn 😔 once in a lifetime- one direction vampy will live a million lifetimes but he will only ever have one bloodbag 😔 holy ground- taylor swift "tonight i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you" they've come so far omg 😔 since we're alone- niall horan "you can show me your heart, if you put it all in my hands no i swear no i won't break it apart" crying if i could fly- one direction "for your eyes only i'll show you my heart" rollercoaster- bleachers again i can't explain it but it makes me think of him 😔 so long- niall horan "so if we knew all along why did it take so long" good question bestie current location- LANY "i need your current location to be my current location" they're idiots in love and want to be together all the time 😔 why dont we go there- one direction "hey i don't want you to be the one that got away i wanna get addicted to you you're rushing through my mind i wanna feel the high i wanna be addicted" well hes already addicted to her blood so might as well like you lots- LANY bc they both have issues and can't say love lmao too much to ask- niall horan vampy though wanting love was too much to ask of miss chiropractor 😔 walking in the wind- one direction this one just has his vibes man 😔 heartbeat- carrie underwood "dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat" bc vampy is obsessed with listening to bloodbag's heart (fan behavior if you ask me) idfc- blackbear this is vampy and ******** bc "tell me that you love me even if it's fake" city of angels- 24kgoldn "i sold my soul to the devil for designer" yes this made me laugh the woods- olivver the kid "waking up in the middle of the woods" "don't you wanna get out of here, out of the woods" flashback to when he was dead in the woods oop "you brought me down to the river, and you pushed me in, hoping that the white rapids would challenge my ability to swim" bc... she's a murderer omg this verse is talking about leaves and i'm freaking out it fits 100% this is crazy "You pick up two handfuls You tell me they're all dried up & dead You know that's nothing like us We'll live forever instead" just a little bit of your heart- ariana grande vampy bc he loves so deeply and completely that he will give all of himself to someone even if they won't do the same my strange addiction- billie eilish bc he is addicted to her blood :) cross your mind- niall horan this is vampy and ******** "love the way you hurt me and it doesn't even cross your mind" "leaving me in pieces (literally lmao) but i swear it's worth it every time" everywhere- niall horan that scene where vampy smelled some perfume or soap or something and it made him think of bloodbag 😔 everything makes him think of her now 😔 "swear it's hard to think it's hard to breathe when you're in the air" put a little love on me- niall horan "you're the only one i need" 😔 bend the rules- niall horan VAMPY AND ******** ALL THE WAY "i'm not saying that you're lying but you're leaving out the truth" heartbreak weather- niall horan "all of my life i've been sleepwalk living, running around the same bars i've been in, it can be so lonely in this city, but it feels different when you're with me" bloodbag and vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 mr loverman- ricky montgomery "i miss my lover man" vampy is probably dramatic like this all the time now that they're official 😔 bad blood- taylor swift again, just for the irony 😌 vapor- 5sos "i want to breathe you in like a vapor i want to be the one you remember i want to feel

your love like the weather all over me" they're so in love like this 😔 catch fire- 5sos "all my life i've been waiting for moments to come" he's been waiting for bloodbag his entire life 😔 beside you-5sos "i wish i was beside you" they want to be together all the time 😔 black and white- niall horan "that first night i was standing at your door fumbling for your keys then i kissed you" ARE YOU KIDDING ME not in the same way- 5sos this is vampy and ******** just bc they were so toxic lkfjskldfjsdlkjf lonely heart-5sos "and i haven't slept in days" lmao ghost of you-5sos "my feet dont dance like they did with you" thinking about when vampy danced for bloodbag and what if they break up 👁️👁️ why wont you love me- 5sos vampy at ******** 😔 he just wanted to be loved 😔😔😔😔😔 fool's gold- one direction "i let you use me from the day that we first met" "i know your love's not real, but that's not the way it feels" STOP IM SAD last first kiss- one direction "let me be your last first kiss" i want them to be together forever 😔 truly madly deeply- one direction "foolishly completely falling and somehow you kicked all my walls in" bloodbag really snuck into his heart huh 😔 fireproof -one direction "nobody saves me baby the way you do" ugh 😔 long story short-taylor swift "clung to the nearest lips long story short it was the wrong guy" (or in vampy's case the wrong vampire) gold rush-taylor swift "and the coastal town we run around has never seen a love as pure as it" bloodbag and vampy are all i want 😔 no judgement- niall horan bc vampy would never judge bloodbag 😔 daddy issues- the neighborhood again im not even gonna say anything here new angel- niall horan "the touch of someone else to save me from myself" this is vampy 😔 god is a woman- ariana grande vampy after he brought bloodbag home the first time something like this- the chainsmokers "just something i can turn to, somebody i can kiss" ALL VAMPY WANTS IS LOVE sweater weather- the neighborhood idk this song makes me think of him all of me- john legend "all of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections" KSFLKSDJFKLDJSFLJSDKLFJDSKL i like me better- lauv "i like me better when i'm with you" she makes him a better person 😔 sex- eden "oh no, i think i'm catching feelings" vampy when bloodbag went on a date with someone else half a heart- one direction bc bloodbag completes him 😔 theyre so disgusting 😔 only angel- harry styles "turns out she's a devil in between the sheets" woman- harry styles vampy when she was on a date with someone else bc hes a jealous moron temporary fix- one direction this has chappy 1-2 vibes a.m.-one direction when they first started falling in love and he wanted to be with her more often 😔 something great- one direction "i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i don't have to keep imagining" through the dark- one direction just all of this song 😔 happily- one direction "you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep i just want it to be you and i forever" 😔 electric love- borns "i can't let you go now that i got it" canyon moon- harry styles they're just happy like this rn 😔 sunflower vol. 6- harry styles "kiss in the kitchen like it's a dancefloor" "mouth full of toothpaste" when they brushed their teeth together 😔 adore you- harry styles obviously

[fakeloveaskblog]

Ah, Remus. It's me, your friendly neighborhood demon, I'm back again. And I… know you're not as okay as you're telling me you are, but I won't push you. Give Rowan a big hug for me when you see her next, though. I believe Remy should still be asleep? Or maybe no longer in the room right now? I'll whisper either way.

Ah. Where to begin? Those things you just said…? I'm sorry, but they're not normal couple stuff. It's not even that they don't sound like normal couple stuff, they're not. Like, I get how you can be with your friends, you know, your teasing Janus and Remy? But this… this isn't the same thing. There's teasing someone, caring about them, worrying about someone's wellbeing… and then there's being mean. Being awful. Being so jealous and controlling and bad for somebody that you're destroying them. That's Virgil. (They told you how he is, their ‘boyfriend’: regularly tells them they're a burden, pushed their cane from underneath them as a ‘joke’… it's not good.)

I mean, you know Logan. You had fun with him at the zoo, right? You've talked to him before and liked him as person, and you know Janus trusts him completely. You trust Janus, don't you? I mean, I'm glad that you trust Remy's word (as biased as their perspective can be sometimes, I wish they loved themself a little more, gave themself more credit), but would Logan and Janus really be ‘delusional’ about something this serious? I've talked to them, too, y'know. They're really worried right now, and honestly I don't blame them.

But, if their word is simply not enough for you, as people who haven't met Virgil yet… I think I'd like to tell you that I have. Met Virgil, that is. Nor directly, but I've been there. I've seen how Virgil treats Remy. I've seen what that does to Remy. The only reason Remy's still friends with you and Janus at all is because he's hidden it from Virgil, whose first course of action were he to find out would likely be to forbid them from seeing you two ever again. To freak out and break things and break Remy with words if not actions. Telling them firmly how they have to stay with him, they have to, because no one else but him will ever love them.

And I know he would, maybe even will, because he's done it before.

That's not good. That not what someone who really truly loves you would do. That's abusive, Remus. And I know how it can be hard to acknowledge that something or someone is bad for you, or someone you love, but I believe Remy needs the help more than what it would hurt them to stop denying their need for that help. Just maybe don't bring it up directly yet? If you decide to give me the benefit of the doubt on this? I ah, message limit is approaching so I'll stop talking now. (I'll still love you and be your friend Remus, no matter what you think after reaching the end of this message. I'll start working on another plushie.)

(authors note to tell you that this ask is written like amazingly. you better be writing in your free time too bc this is some good shit!)

(mentions of U!Virgil)

Remus was trying to rub some of the exhaustion out of his eyes. He was still sitting in the couch but he hadn't slept at all. He'd laid still and listened to Remy's snores while his intrusive thoughts went on and on all night.

He shone up into a toothy smile when he heard your voice dripping out of his phone. He listened to the first part of your message before replying "Oh yeah Remy's in the bathroom! Getting ready y'know! They've sobered up so that's good! RoRo is just off on a sleepover with some friend. I'll hug the intestines out of her soon enough!"

He continued to listen to your message. His eyes went still. They stared at a specific point in the wall as his smile slowly disappeared.

"Well- well sometimes people are delusional about really big serious stuff! Okay? And they think that there's lots of evidence pointing towards it but- but they're actually wrong! And they're being irrational and overemotional an-and delusional and nothing happened!"

Remus let up into a nervous chuckle while twirling the ring on his finger.

"I'm not mad at Jan and Lo for being worried I'm- I just know they're wrong! I've spent more time with Remy than they have! I know them! W-we get each other like a fist gets into a face!"

Everything started to get fuzzy, like reality was becoming undone. Your message kept replaying. Like demon messages sometimes do.

"I....I'm not saying Remy doesn't need help. They have therapy for a reason. I just- I just don't think it's 'cause of Virgil! Those times you saw Virgil could have had a bad day! I-I'm sure it wasn't that bad!"

He started biting the skin off of his lips between words. He'd gotten That taste on his lips again and he had to get it off even if his lips started to bleed.

"An-and sometimes people just do bad things! A few bad times doesn't make someone abusive! It doesn't make someone an abuse victim if some few bad times happened to them!"

His thoughts were getting fuzzy too. He rubbed his eyes again to get it away. His mouth tasted like copper and That taste. He kept moving the ring.

"You know what? Maybe you're overreacting as well! You're being just as delusional as Logan! It wasn't abuse!"

All the air seemed to go out of him right after he said that. He sunk in on himself. The fuzziness took over completely. It made him feel like he wasn't really here, not really real. Rowan had said it sounded like dissociation when he told her about it.

He stared out into thin air. His only movement was his slow blinking. He couldn't tell how much time was passing. He could hear a voice behind him but he knew no one was actually there.

"Hey babe. You there?" Remy moved their hand in front of his face.

Remus flinched back and let out a short scream. He hadn't even seen that they'd gotten out from the bathroom. They'd put on one of his hoodies, it was way too short for them but he was never getting it back.

"You good?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I just uh was testing out my scream! For halloween! To spook people" It was hard to speak with the fuzziness still there. He tried to shake his head to get it out.

"Cool. It sounds tots good so far" They were typing something on their phone. He could see how many missed calls they had "By the way I think it's like best if I don't stop by my place yet so we can like hang out until going to the like amusement park"

For a moment all Remus could think about was what you'd said about Virgil forcing Remy away from him. He didn't want to lose his friend. He felt even more nauseous than he already had.

He forced the thought away. Remy was fine. Everyone else was overreacting. He and they knew what was really going on. Only the two of them.

"Sounds great!" He forced a smile while standing up "We can get some coffee and breakfast! Wash out all those gross eh mouth tastes from sleeping!"

"Baaaabe you don't gotta give me a reason to get coffee"

Remy took his hand and motioned for them to leave. Remus quickly deleted your message before leaving his phone on the couch.

[goldencuffs]

in the tape!au what if when laurent + damen is an established item, damen finally works up the courage to ask why laurent was avoiding him around the time of the sex tape??? and laurent goes through a thousand emotions in the span of a second and they all flicker through his face and tbh i haven't thought too much about it except that laurent cries. and laurent doesn't cry, maybe the most damen's ever see him teary eyed was laurent's breathing getting raggedy during a particularly bad dog death?

...and laurent's trying to explain through his tears because he owes damen that, that it hurt him to know that there were other people in damen's life, but damen obviously makes it worse. "you hooked up with other people too" and laurent shoots him a death glare (through tears our boy has the range) and snaps back he slept around to cope with damen and i haven't thought this through i woke up with this idea so... any ideas. damen definitely makes it worse before he actually comforts laurent imo

this made me :((( i feel like this would happen before their relationship is solidified — like theyre not avoiding each other anymore but still not completely exclusive and damen is upset about laurents initial avoidance bc he believes it was unjustified and they just completely snap at each other in order to protect themselves bc theyve been hurt enough

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

oh no im curious about these sex pollen hcs. hit me up with some aizawa please if you want to and haven't already, whenever you have time?

( of course i had in mind some desperate guilty sex when i posted that, but it never wanted to write itself bc: aizawa wouldn’t. he just wouldn’t. so instead, have this sfw hurt/comfort thing – that is half summarised bc i didn’t wanna write everything out ❤❤ . )

| aizawa; drabble & headcanons.

           it wasn’t even a quirk. 

the sex industry, as always, is booming. tech levels rise through the ages and as man’s ability to mimic nature leaps ahead… we get a hold of that long sought-after aphrodisiac.as with any drug, it’s sold in degrees of potency - the most debilitating ones not commonly found anywhere but at the black market.

          it wasn’t even an attack of any kind. just a fun game, let’s try this shit out with your friends - spice up a night of clubbing. someone had gotten hold of it somewhere, and fuck but they should’ve asked where.they didn’t. underestimated it; caution wasn’t enough.

weak. everything is so loud, so bright, so invasively intense– a lamppost’s dim light cause for skull’s pounding and the door’s slippery slick plastic like a hyperactive second skin. 

not what you might call sexy.

and yet. of course this demonic fucking drug doesn’t give a shit– everything is aching. joints and muscles from the constant strain, head from the fucking stress and core because for the love of all that is sane, there needs to be something in there or around there.

         “sh-shou-t-t-ta-                              fuck                     -please open the door- fuck please be home,”                          knocking has little result when it’s a jarring slide of                          skinskinskin on wetslipperywaterplasticyskinskinskin               that renders their knuckles powerless. they slip sideways,                flop against the bell until it finally ringsloudLOUDFUCKINGLOUD.

the tremor in their limbs is a racket, something that drives up through all the senses- then finds it’s got nowhere to go, ricochets off every thought and turns emotions into nausea.

christ. are you supposed to take a single grain of this shit-? it’d been dust, fine and easy to sprinkle into the foam that topped one beer, the fizz of someone’s coke. those combos a good idea?evidently not.were you supposed to take that shit at all? was it not fit for consumption, or– oh god oh god oh god

it’s a god awful time, waiting for that second skin to peel away and leave them the fuck alone. thumping reverberates, an amplified ache, and then the door falls away and they with it.

“shit– y/n? injured or drunk?”          god, he’s so sweet. nothing useful registers; just blacks and grey [ stubble ] and pale skin / dark rings under [ eyes ] – there’s way too much sensation pouring in through every shred of skin held near.at leat the long kiss with the fucking front door desensitised that a lil bit.

          “…..shouta………..hm?”

“tell me your name.”

          oh lord, he’s worried. a stumbled reiteration soothes that some, but certainly not by much.

“what day is it?”

          “oh god, please don’t make me do that–” somewhere in the century that’s passed in hng shouta smell yeaaaahhh, there’s a click that casts out so much noise. rain’s obnoxious assault on the senses is cut short and they sag in [ arms ] distantly familiar.

“what day is it?”

          “shoutaaa… i’ hurts- uhm, uhm, fuck issit wednesday? should be wednesday night, went t’ club.” 

“partied with someone you don’t know?”

          “nno.”

          something high-pitched and short-lived arches into what’s roughwarmfirm. loud and bright and overwhelming all else; clean strokes of way too much / please more and the misery of begging for a cure.there’s a thumb at your mouth / but time passes too slowly and it’s gone ere you can lick it, pulling up eye’s lids until the hallway light is piercing. “–fuck, don’t do that!”

“where does it hurt?”

          “everywhere-” you squirm every time he lifts fabric just to uselessly look at your skin / cry for the skittering itching need when sure fingers check wrist, elbow, the inside of your knee - nothing lasts, not even long enough to fully register. “please, shouta-”

“tell me your address.”

          “–right here,” then, less obscenely, follows the street you stood out in the rain at, the house you’re in just to cling to his solid shapes.

“where are your friends?”

          “home. cab. took it together.” right, that happened. feels like oceans of drowning ago.

straight-up emergency calls Recovery Girl. she comes by despite the pouring rain; was on her way and also,,, u gonna help a pal out. goes yeah that’s what it looks like (completely unaffectedly asks shouta to keep his girl from rubbing themselves on her pls), then gives y/n a tablet that’s a sleeping pill & against inflammatory stuff, and a tiny smooch to help recover quicker - but a tiny one, cuz y/n is gonna need all of her energy.                 ( no not for that ya sickos >8) )

y/n remembers all that scattered intensity finally drawing into a focal point as shouta lets her grind on his thigh (he cannot touch her he just fucking can’t - and he’s right not to. he is not aroused in the slightest lmfao christ) before everything just. fades to black in her mind. she was not lucid enough to register the sleeping pill at the time (only swallowing smth), but come morning she can piece it together.she’s exhausted. and she’s slept – aizawa, sitting in a chair and at a desk to support him with what smells like bitter coffee, looks like shit. y/n cries for him, because they know how personally he takes things, how he worries, how it takes him a while to stop blaming himself for shit happening to ppl he loves. she’s sorry for burdening him - even if he prefers it, she’s just sorry to put him on the spot like that anyway. she cries for the scare– she cries for what could have happened.

shouta’s already called all the friends that went clubbing with his s/o and notified local police - both bc wtf this drug?? in civilian hands?? and obv to make sure they got home safe, and if they didn’t he’d call a hero to go find them. he’ll be questioning the friend who brought the drugs, find out whether this was a matter of accident or of someone dropping bad drugs in innocent hands.

y/n demands he come rest– shouta’s more than relieved to be able to hold them in his arms now without feeling dirty, though he remains cautious of reigniting smth somehow. but the drug’s immediate influences have passed - now their body’s exhausted both from it and from working it out their system. y/n couldn’t be less horny rn, just wants to cling to him & make sure he eats, gd. they take charge of the situation, of shouta and his guilt. he’s called in sick btw- sick, bc not spreading their private business all over w/o at least giving them time to prepare for it; it may go public anyway if it turns out to be a bigger problem. – s/o says ok. you’re going to eat. i’ll eat a lil too if i can keep it down. you can check on me in between making it (s/o is not gonna get up yet, that feels Not Good), then we drink some water, then we lay down here and rest. shouta’s won over bc logic and bc please let him physically curl arnd them to protect and wash away the night’s horrors.