#it hurts and I can’t make it stop

[solomorne]

i am 31 years old i shouldn’t be feeling this way. autism is evil it’s EVIL

[starlit-supposedly]

I’m so tired…

My brain is attempting to achieve thoughts by smacking together my last two brain cells together like two rocks attempting to spark a fire-

there’s not even an ember rn :<

[since-times-long-forgotten]

can’t keep my fucking plants alive

[elprupneerg]

I’m nauseous and feeling pretty damn bad so sorry if I’m phrasing this poorly, but the amount of stupid infighting I’ve seen that’s just like. Psy-op bullshit. Or hurt people lashing out at other hurt people (and in the process falling for psy-op bullshit). Is like 90% of the arguments I’ve seen online. And maybe that’s cuz I’ve got a block list a mile long so I’m not seeing as many straight up certified bigots as I used to. But also there’s so much of this shit that’s straight up people trying to sow hatred so we’re all too busy fighting each other instead of the system.

And I’m not innocent, I’ve fallen for it too. It feels easier to deal with the “smaller” issue of fellow queer people spouting nonsense on the internet instead of the “big” issues of looming fascism (putting words in quotes cuz those are my brain’s internal categorizations of this stuff). But all it does is wear me out and make me too fucking exhausted to do anything about actual issues. Especially when it’s compounded by how busy I am with school and with family and with my health. I’m too tired to go to a protest, but scrolling tumblr and getting mad at people for saying dumb shit takes less physical energy.

But there’s other things I could be doing with that energy. Other things we could *all* be doing. I’ve got neighbors who are absolutely down to go protest but they’ve got kids to take care of. There’s garbage left in the parks near me. There’s homeless people who need bus fare or just someone to make eye contact with them. I could spend my energy getting gloves and trash bags and going down by the river to find empty soda bottles. I could spend my time taking the kids to the library so their parents can do the activism I’m too scared to. I could give someone a smile and chat with them about their day. I could find a way to make sure I’ve got the physical safety figured out so I can go to a protest too.

But instead I sit on the internet getting pissed about people saying dumb shit about fellow queers. And so do so many other people. And that sucks really bad!

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

Everything sucks and is awful. In so much pain from nothing. I’m so overwhelmed.