#it hasnt been reread
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i just saw that halloween ask game you're doing for this month 👀👀
so trick or treat, dealers choice on ship 🥰🍬
- mel 💜
Dick absentmindedly pressed on the cut on his arm as he watched his target. The man was standing in a small office in a warehouse, talking on the phone. He didn't look happy. Dick could relate.
"Nightwing, report. Your tracker is offline."
Ah, that had been an argument and a half. Of course, if Bruce would stop sneaking tracers onto Dick's suit, Dick wouldn't have to keep ruining them. They couldn't be cheap.
"I'm on a case."
"Your tracker should be online. I need to know your location."
In the window, the man hung up the phone. He was smug now. He had never made that expression, before.
"No, you don't," Dick responded, before pulling the comm out of his ear. He glared at the device in his hand before gently tucking it away in a pocket.
The man was gone. Dick straightened. This could be a chance to place a bug in his office. Not really Dick's style, honestly. He preferred the physicality. But with any luck, he wouldn't have to get physically near the man ever again. Without fully meaning to, he pressed on his wound again.
He heard the footsteps a split second before the voice spoke.
"You're getting awfully snoopy, dick."
Dick stood from his crouch slowly, hands out and low. He turned head first, the sight of the white streak of hair still sending a wave of shock through his heart.
"Jason."
Jason had a gun aimed at his head. Not particularly surprising. Dick had been trained out of being startled by guns a long time ago, but that didn't mean he was stupid. It was still a loaded gun.
"You have ten seconds to say what you're doing here."
"I wanted to...to see you." Dick was a little unhappy to be so truthful so early. He wanted to fire a quip off, maybe some clever wordplay.
Jason cocked the gun. He wouldn't shoot Dick. Maybe.
"Why."
God, Jason looked...he looked exactly how he was supposed to. The rage that had been present in his fifteen-year-old self had looked so out of place, but now the hard line of his mouth fit him perfectly.
"I want you to-"
Come home. No. Dick didn't, really. The Manor hadn't been his home in a while, longer than it hadn't been Jason's. And what would that achieve? An argument ending in a fight ending in a trail of bodies. Dick didn't want Bruce to have Jason. He wanted to have Jason.
"I just needed to-to make sure it was..."
Jason tilted his head, looking every inch the villain that the Red Hood's file painted him out to be.
"I'm sure the old man ran a dozen tests to make sure it was me."
No, that wasn't what Dick meant. He couldn't find the words, didn't really want to find the words. Jason had sliced open Dick's arm. Dick had felt him, felt the warmth of his skin, the solidity of his body. Dick...missed that, maybe? Having Jason close again had felt like a drug, and now Dick was pretending he wasn't craving it.
He hadn't touched Jason all that much before his death. Too much teenage angst, not enough clear roads between Blüdhaven and Gotham. There was no precedent for this.
"I missed you," Dick said, aiming for honesty. As close to it as he felt capable of getting.
Jason laughed. It was a creepy sound that died too soon in the cold air.
"Last time you saw me I beat your ass. Time before that you didn't know it was me. Time before that I was fifteen. You either have a death wish or haven't gotten the message yet. Robin doesn't exist anymore." Jason's shoulders stayed low and his voice remained even. He sounded a little bored, actually. It felt like there was a hook behind Dick's ribcage, yanking him forward. He needed to be interesting. He couldn't have Jason leave again.
"The first thing," Dick said before he had really planned to say anything at all.
Jason scoffed. Dick kept going, distantly aware of the fact that he was tripping down sentences without actually knowing where he was going. "Maybe you're just really good at fighting. All my bad guys this week were too easy."
Jason's chin dropped. Dick had been rubbing the bandage on his arm against his hip without realizing it.
The gun wobbled. Jason's chest rose and fell.
"Take off your mask."
Dick blinked. This felt like a test. Slowly, he reached up and peeled the mask off. It hurt like hell, and he was left blinking in the altered light. Jason kept the gun trained on him.
"Say it again. Look at me and tell me again why you're here."
This was Dick's chance. Honesty could win. He still wasn't sure what winning meant, but whatever. He would make it work. He stared at Jason's mask and said,
"I miss you."
"What's your goal here?" Jason sounded amused, which wasn't what Dick had been aiming for at all. Annoyance and frustration mixed in his stomach.
"I don't know, okay? I just-" Dick gestured helplessly. Jason's face, half amused and half blank, was no help. "I want...I want you..."
He had nothing else.
Jason's face was doing something complicated. His mouth couldn't seem to agree with what his forehead wanted to do.
"Will you do anything to have me?" Jason's voice was a little too loud now.
Dick hesitated. He imagined Jason pressing the gun into his hand and shuddered.
"No," he whispered.
"No, you wouldn't...let's say for example, shoot a drug dealer for me."
Dick felt sick. There was something about that for me that made him want it horribly. He wanted to do things for Jason.
"Oh," Jason said, and then he started laughing so hard that the gun wavered. "Oh, if only Bats could see you now. That's pretty damn pathetic."
Dick needed to leave. He had well and truly lost control of the situation, and he needed to get the hell out. But when he started to take a step back, the gun went back to being steadily present.
"Don't. I will shoot you." Dick froze. Jason started moving forward, each step solid and loud. "I think we should play a game. You want me, huh? Then let's see what you're willing to do to get me."
Dick contemplated what would happen if he hurled himself off the roof.
"On your knees."
Dick dropped to his knees. This was a very bad idea.
"Take out your escrima sticks and toss 'em over here."
Dick hesitated for half a second before doing so.
"Unzip your suit. To your stomach." Dick's pause didn't go unnoticed and Jason sighed. "You used to wear that stupid suit where the neckline when halfway down your torso. Don't get shy now."
Dick undid the hidden catches and pulled the zipper down. And then, for good measure, he pulled his arms out so he was topless. He needed some sense of agency.
Of course, now Jason was masked, armed, fully dressed, and standing above Dick. Dick obviously could fight like this, but there was something...
Jason kept moving until he was right in front of Dick, so close that he had to bend his elbow to keep the gun trained on him.
"Tell me again why you're here. The full reason."
It was so cold. Dick's stomach was churning.
"I miss you. I...I want you."
Jason's breath hitched. He was shaking. The shock of it made Dick's mouth drop open.
"Please come back to me," he whispered, barely knowing what he was saying.
Half certain Jason was going to blow his brains out for it, Dick reached out and laid a hand on Jason's knee. The nearness of him was intoxication. Dick wasn't really sure he would tell Jason no to just about anything right now. He wanted to see Jason's eyes.
The gun moved and Dick shut his eyes. Several seconds after a shot would've happened, the knee under his hand moved, and he opened them again. The gun had been sheathed. Jason crouched in front of him, face inches away. Dick could still feel the shaking.
"Are you cold?" he asked. He needed Jason to see that he cared about him, noticed the shivering, wanted to help.
"Always," Jason said, barely an actual word. Dick's heart broke, and then his thigh felt like it was on fire. He yelled, unprepared for the sudden pain, suddenly leaning on Jason as the pain spread. Jason's mouth was parted slightly. Dick looked down to see a knife embedded in his thigh. Jason wrenched it free and Dick made a breathless noise of horror. Jason ripped one of his gloves off and sliced the knife across his fingertips. Dick hadn't processed what was happening yet, his brain still stuck on "Jason stabbed me?", so he just watched as Jason shoved his bloody fingers into the wound. Dick screamed, the pain mounting and spreading in waves. He hadn't been prepared, he was usually better than this.
"You want me?" Jason asked, fingers still pressed into the gash. "Fucking have me."
His other hand came up to pull Dick closer, digging his face into Dick's neck, and then just as suddenly he stood, leaving Dick hunched over and breathing unsteadily. He held up his bloody hand.
"I'll treasure this. Maybe make a painting with it. The Failure of Yet Another Robin. Every time I see it, I'll remember how the original came crawling to me, thinking he could fix me."
Dick didn't understand what was happening. Jason's blood was inside him.
Jason brought his hand up to his face and his tongue flicked out, tasting the blood. Dick's stomach roiled. He was really beginning to think that wasn't disgust.
"Mm." Jason grinned. "Taste's like B's disappointment. I can't even tell our blood apart now."
He turned and walked away. Dick was starting to hyperventilate a little. He heard Jason's steps pause, and then, from a small distance away,
"Next time you come a-stalking, I'll see if you look this pretty with a bullet hole inside you."
#THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SHORT SNIPPET#i also don't think i've ever written jaydick???? hell of a first time#i dont know how to tag this#blood tw#jaydick#trick or treat game#melody tag#asked and answered#seriously i.............have no clue how much sense or how well written this is#i wrote this at 2am in one sitting after having a meltdown and sobbing for half an hour#it hasnt been reread#happy halloween!#also i LOVED doing this oh my god#please send me as many of these as you want#anyone!
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some adau things ^^ he cheers barry on through the dreamgear
#hiiii its been a sec#the first one was supposed to be a thing referencing loz spirit tracks#because someone left tags a while back mentioning spirit tracks and the brainrot came RIGHT back. you know i love spirit tracks#probably why i love tmosth so much help#i didnt add anything else to that sketch because i didnt wanna ruin it skfnfj but its sonic running alongside the train like on the#spirit tracks box art#he figured out he can run by creating little spots to step. like platforms#helps to get some stress out since he hasnt been able to run in such small cars#also helps him Realize he was stressed#sth#doodles#actually dead au#hes got feeling in the dreamgear too so he likes hangin out in there#i think about that gotf issue a lot. when he has a body for a bit and being able too Feel really gets to him. auughhg#gotta reread it
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I miss u baby John 😌
#loook attt himn#hes so small and hasnt even started going on an evil rampage on his school#hes literally like new school new me (bcs trauma)#his biggest priority in life is rhe chocolate cake#not his dad being murdered‚ findng out his mun has been experimented on‚ losing/gaining his powers multiple times‚ moving in with his uncle#unordinary#unordinary john doe#john doe#webtoon#unordinary reread
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i should draw aiura for her birthdayy <33333 lovheer
#sorry for typing weird ya boy is having a chronic pain moment#i miss her i know she hasnt been introduced yet jn the partof the manga im rereading#oughhhhhehhehhdhff Lesbian feelings .. shes a butch to me#or futch#whatever u call it#i like her so much
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they're friends 😭😭
#personal#spacewalking with you#Kimi to Uchuu wo Aruku Tame ni#kobayashi repeatedly reaches out even when he's at fault and its sweet#anyways this series is nice... it reminds me of skip and loafer. and there hasnt been anything i dislike so far. hopefully someone#could license it. i completely recommend it btw. i'll try to follow the series but i think the scanlator group just updated it the other da#i will invest 🙏#i actually might reread since just within 9 chapters theres stuff that recontextualizes things#something's off abt how i wrote my above tags there but idc im posting. whatever fdjhfsjdf
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my brother in christ just how many times have you reread blue lock 😭
um
#sometimes i don't reread i just look at the panels so it hasnt been that many..... i think....#um.........#fully? like 2 or three times#but by SECTIONS????#i wish i knew#ask
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aloera oh my fucking god (<- just woke up to the notification of a new aloera fic posted (r/offmychest) and read it immediately ofc)
aloera OH M Y G O D
aloera OH MY FFUCKINJ GOF
anyway ty for sharing you are the captain of krbk fics to me it is literally a law of nature that i will read the fic as soon as i see the notif i d o n o t c a r e what is going on irl i will sit in the corner with my phone and READ do not talk to me so yeah. ty lol <3
you are. so sweet shut up i had the same oh my god reaction reading this... this means so much to me!!! i appreciate it so much!!!! i am so grateful that we r all unfortunately still stuck in the krbk pit even in 2024!!!! mwah <333333 thank u sm for reading im glad you enjoyed it
#that one bookmark i got that was like thank god aloeras still in their 2017 krbk phase#im so obsessed w it its so funny#cause in my head i was like oh it hasnt been that long#but it in fact has been a ridiculous number of years. lmfao#i was rereading 2018 fics the other day and missing That.. yk.. like that true to form brand of krbk#and i was like where did this go... and the answer is that most people dont have my specific brand of mental illness#and they moved on to greener less fruitless pastures#which is fair. and which is what i will do someday hopefully#but that day is not today. just bc i at the very least have to finish blam before i leave krbk for good#sorry idk why im yapping#to conclude i love u anon hope u have a good day mwah#asks#anon
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i dont care how out of character it would be i need chung myung to give his kids a big fat kiss on the forehead
sniffles.. if life had been kinder to him, chung myung could have gotten to be the grandpa he was always meant to be..
very cute to imagine if the disciples r all weary and worn and upset for whatever reason, chung myung gives them a casual paternal forehead kiss and it immediately boosts morale despite them being confused as hell about it
#this reminds me of a very cute fic where the disciples time travel back 100yrs as kids and becomes pbss’ disciples#but he is so sweet to them it makes me tear up every time i reread it#BUT IT HASNT BEEN UPDATED IN FOREVER GAH i hope it hasnt been abandoned its my fave rotmhs fic everrrr
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I am trying to keep vent posts off this blog, because I don't find it helpful to my psyche if you see me post something and then delete it later on do not perceive me but I just wanted to share a brief update on this blog.
I'm still working through processing a lot of things from 2023, tbh. Healing is not linear, much to my greatest annoyance and being in a new environment these past four months have brought about a lot of stresses and concerns for what I want to achieve for my future.
I've expressed this before on this blog, but back in 2019, I dealt with a lot of passive suicidal ideation. I was able to overcome that, but it still affects me from time to time. I want to make it clear that I have not ever actively sought out to take my own life (I ironically have a fear of death lol) and I have been in therapy for awhile now. But there has always been a small part of me that has not expected to make it this far in life--and that severely impacts how I occasionally view living and doing things.
All that to say, I do have a desire to engage in writing soon and I'm currently working on trying to establish better habits with my sleep and social media engagement. My spring semester is coming to an end soon, which will lessen some stress in my life for a short while before I take up summer classes.
#kat talks#suicidal ideation tw#me rereading posts from 2019: oh i really was dealing with full blown panic attacks and disassociation back then huh i forgor 🧍♂️#as much as my mental health hasnt been the greatest atm sometimes I have to look back and remember that I'm nowhere near my lowest low
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finally swallowing my dread and rereading my 59k owl house wip to remember what's happening n reconnect with it so i can write the next chapter and...... y'all it's. so fucking good. what the fuck. it's SO fucking good it's so good it's so good what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. i mean obviously there's bias in that it's targeted toward my exact interests and exact preferred character dynamics because i wrote it (summer kitkat is a stranger to me. and yet they knew me so well. almost like we're the same person. soulmates). and like on the one hand it BETTER fucking be good because i've sunk an average of like 12 hours Per Chapter into obsessing over the linguistic flow of every individual goddamn fucking sentence, because for some reason i decided i'm pouring the Entirety of my 26 years of study n craft into one ambitious project, but. on the Other hand. IT'S. SO GOOD. SO GOODDDDD I'M LOSING MY MIND. I LAST UPDATED FOUR MONTHS AGO AND HAVE BRAIN HOLES SO I'M GETTING A MOSTLY-READER-FACING EXPERIENCE AND IT'S SOOOO GOOOOD I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I'M ENJOYING MYSELF i was not expecting this. my expectation was that i wouldn't connect with the story much and that i'd just experience even more mounting dread over my inability to complete it but instead i'm kicking my feet and wiggling around like oh i know EXACTLY what needs to happen and how these arcs need to resolve and what conflicts need to be hashed out and i'm so so so excited all over again about writing it. hunter needs to shout at darius so bad it's Fucking Unreal. and i get to imagine it with my BRAIN. and then put it on PAPER. and make people SUFFER. i am ALIVE
#i haven't finished the reread yet but hunter hasnt yelled at darius yet has he?? iirc he's mostly been sad and confused#past kitkat singlehandedly rekindling the toh hyperfixation and also the hyperfixation on darius. thanks girl u always got my back#toh#toh fambly#god i need more memory holes more often so i can experience my own writing as a reader again. having a transcendent experience#unexpected delight of the day. this is incoherent but positive so i am hitting the post button#long post ig
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Sometimes we will write something and it becomes immediately apparent within a few paragraphs that we are the kind of person who reads philosophy textbooks for fun
#we speak#and we dont. know how to edit it out#because in hindsight it is also obvious that we have also based our magic system on esoteric philosophical concepts#anyways if we write something and we've completely lost you within a handful of paragraphs#then it may be bc we spend our spare time reading about a bunch of guys argue about the nature of humanity#and then we're boiling down like half a dozen different conflicting philosophical concepts and making it into a magic system#every time we do this it also makes us significantly harder to talk to if you are an actual person who hasnt been Doing This#and then we have to reread things if we want to quote them because our memory is holey and shared between us and at least one Beast
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#manga tag#I DO STILL REALLY LIKE BOTH OF THEM EVEN REREADING .#lulucy hasnt been named yet but i recognize my girl .#easthies forever unfortunately will be my pookie bear who is an asshole and hardass
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Do you think, when Scar found out that he and Grian were soul bound, he felt sad?
He had so willingly accepted Grian giving him food, sticking around, spending time with him. Soulmates weren't necessary, he had Grian. Grian, who willingly came along with him. Grian, who was following his whims just like he used to. After last life, he worried Grian would never let him in again, yet here he was with open arms. It was the two of them (and other friends!) against the world. Everything was right again.
And as he watches blood trickle down Grian's forehead, his head aching sharply, the hope drains out of him. It had just been obligation. Grian tells him how he figured it out, and Scar pretends he doesn't understand what the yelling must have been about, pretends he doesn't notice when Grian suddenly changes the topic he brought up. Maybe it'll be okay, he dares to hope. Obligation or not, he was still being nice again. I've missed him.
But that hope dies quickly, too. And Scar's not alone, but he's still by himself, left to stew in his grief and try to pick up the pieces of his broken heart.
#grian#gtws#desert duo#angst#idk where this even came from but it just showed up in my brain and i had to write it#hopefully this idea hasnt been talked about before it probably has tho lol#also my phone kept trying to autocorrect grian to groan and brian. had to reread this three times to spellcheck
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I post very little (pretty much not at all) about Bachira, and considering the fact my blogname is a mix of my and his name maybe I should do it more often😔
#i'm still bachira irl#we're literally the same person#but he hasnt been in the manga in a while so i rarely think of him#but im rereading the manga soon#💟 maochira talks
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oh my GOD the autocorrect I used to patch up older chapters changed when Vex said "my Lord" to "my Love"!!! New readers must be so confused
#Shiro hasnt been around to proofread again so I'm rereading old chapters to spot these errors lol#misc#bitter cold#ninjago#yaoi typo
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ok i finished the first chapter and am gonna take a break now but im v excited to keep reading im really liking the way the author looks at things so far
#there are parts ive kinda disagreed with either what shes saying or how shes saying it but i mean given the whole point of the book i doubt#that the author would take offense at that and would in fact encourage it esp given that its a book and not a convo#like. i should hope i have some disagreements with just the introductory chapter‚ she hasnt had a chance to fully explain herself yet and#i feel like having a written record of my disagreement before potentially changing my mind is very much in the spirit of the ideas this book#is offering yknow#like at one point shes talking about religious perspectives on wrongness and says some scholars believe its abt like#our wrongness comes from eden‚ our lack of understanding of absolute right and wrong that god has#but its like. ok but the whole point with the garden of eden was that the lack of knowledge of right and wrong /was/ the extra knowledge#god had and we didnt that prevented us from sinning#eating of the tree and Gaining the knowledge of good and evil was what gave humans the ability to sin in the first place#because if we cant know something is wrong and choose to do it anyways then what is the sin?#its like how with animals we don't see them killing each other as wrong#because they dont have 'morals' like we do‚ they dont have a sense of right vs wrong so the things they do cant be classified that way#so idk if its like. thats just a difference in how my church taught us vs the scholars the author checked out#or just like. a misunderstanding in the story of eden?#i just dont get presenting eden as the example for 'we dont have the knowledge of right and wrong god does so thats what makes us able to#do wrong' when the whole thing with that story was like.#gaining the knowledge of right and wrong was what gave us that ability. like thats just backwards#(also disclaimer that i am not a christian and do not actually believe in these things‚ im just using the language as if i do here to kinda#speak from the perspective of my past self who /did/ believe it)#so im excited to find out if like. shes gonna expand further on that (next chapter is abt history so maybe) and ill be like#ohhhhh ok i see what that meant#or if ill be like 'hm yeah you just maybe had a misconception abt how the garden of eden story worked'#and like i can kinda see room for the first one already in that it said like 'we dont have gods /absolute/ knowledge of right and wrong'#so theyre saying like. we were given /some/ of the knowledge of good and evil‚ but that that in and of itself didnt /actually/ bring us up#to gods understanding of it#idk its been a while since i reread the bible‚ i do kinda remember there being a second tree? but i dont think it was like#'tree of full onniscience' i thought it was the tree of eternal life or smth#or maybe im just mixing up the bible and the narnia remix of it? i know there is a tree of eternal life in the magicians apprentice#origibberish
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