#it has a fucking fortnite store and a battle pass too

[h34vybottom]

For the past few days, I've been playing Temtem, the MMO Pokemon clone released a few years ago. Originally, I bought the PC version on the first launch, which was so bad that the first item pickup in the game broke on me and froze for over an hour. I'm now playing the game on Switch, as I no longer own the PC version. Temtem is the equivalent of someone trying to make a hard mod for one of the GBA games and then making it an MMO as an afterthought. So, like what if Pokemon but bad* *with a global chat. It's incredible how this game has worse balancing than Legends Arceus, a game w/ no balancing. I'm Platypet's biggest hater.

[trubbishrubbish]

HOLY SHIT. MY DREAM LAST NIGHT WAS WILD AS FUCK.

I was in a Fortnite Battle Royale game. No I wasn’t playing Fortnite I was physically in the world itself. I was actually doing pretty ok. I had a pistol and a shotgun and I was picking off noobs with headshots who didn’t have any weapons yet. There was even a funny moment where I saw two female players walking together like they are a team but they both had scissors behind their backs waiting to stab one another. I shot them both. In the head.

What was very interesting in this Fortnite game was that I think all the players were real people too like me, not being controlled by some kid with a PS4. There was no building mechanics or even that death bubble that shrinks over time. Surprisingly, A lot of people were... chill. They didn’t kill anyone just hanged out in houses and stores just talking and messing around. I found a small party in an apartment complex while exploring and everyone was just having fun not even participating in the Battle Royale.

But anyway, here’s where the dream gets interesting. While I was scavenging the map for weapons and players to shoot I kept finding these large open dumpsters full of garbage, and on top of these dumpsters was a long wooden board used for building. Every single dumpster I went to had a wooden board on it, some cracked and splintered, others in unique colors and shapes but it’s also a wooden board. These boards will be very important for later.

Then I was going to the far end of the map and climbing up this steep hill. There was still road connecting it and a building at the top but it was a very remote location. I looked inside the building and found it empty of people. It looked like a prison but no prisoners. Then something very crazy happened. Going a bit deeper in the prison A FUCKING DINOSAUR BURSTS OUT OF THE WALL. THE THING WAS HUGE WITH SHARP TEETH AND SOME SCALE THING ON ITS HEAD. I could probably look up dinosaur pics and find something that looks closest to my dream.

Anyway the dinosaur was huge and was looking at me wanting to eat me so naturally I ran the fuck out of the prison. But the Dinosaur was persistent on catching me, he destroyed the wall of the prison and went after me. I never used any weapons on the dinosaur, I was too busy trying to run away for me to aim and shoot and I figured my pistol and shotgun (Yup I never found anything better than that) would be very inefficient. The dinosaur was getting very close to chomping down on me and it was scary. I actually had to grab onto it’s mouth when it got too close and keep using it to push myself away a little boost in bit getting eaten. Finally I got to a place full of buildings and hid in them. The dinosaur was pretty smart on finding my hiding spot but eventually I tricked it and it went in a different direction away from me. I left the building when it was out of sight.

So I’m safe right? NOPE. I got a good distance away from my first hiding spot and entered a new set of buildings but I saw that damn dinosaur has found me and gave chase again. I tried hiding and tricking it again and it did work but then the fucking oversized lizard FOUND ME AGAIN. HOW IS HE DOING THAT? I could never escape the dinosaur for much longer because he always found me afterwards, like he knows my location at all times. Finally I found another hiding spot and said “fuck it” and slept there for the night. The next morning the dinosaur did not find me which was very good so I went out to look for items. Then... I passed by a dumpster. And I noticed something interesting in it. Remember the wooden board? Well for some reason this dumpster’s wooden board had a huge mud covering on it and an indentation on the mud. Like somehow a huge wave of mud splashed on the board like cake frosting and something was pressed into the mud. I didn’t know what it was so I got out my phone to do an analysis (My phone can now do that, don’t worry.) and upon analyzing the indentation I learned to my horror that it was a Dinosaur footprint. The same dinosaur that chased me last night. I was in disbelief, I ran to another dumpster and found another board covered in mud and broken in half. These were all dumpsters I’ve been too yesterday.

So the conclusion I’ve came up with is that the reason why the dinosaur has been able to find me is that he’s been able to smell my scent from every wooden board in a dumpster in the whole map. I was very terrified but I knew now how to beat the dinosaur. I went around and gathered some wooden boards and went back to the prison on the hill. I placed the wooden boards in the prison dumpster. Hopefully the dinosaur will track that scent and not be able to find me. I left the prison confident that my plan would work. Then suddenly a bunch of random colored bugs got in my glasses, I was about to remove then when I woke up.

That’s it that’s the whole dream.

Fuck Dinosaurs.