#it gets harder to hate zir

[hearties-circus]

I ever tell yous about my hospital drama

[ehlnofay]

12 - Caelestis...

12: candles

The only candles in the hold went out long ago, leaving the belly of the ship in darkness.

Caelestis can reach up to touch them, if ze tries – if ze crawls a little, hand pressed to the wall so ze isn’t knocked off balance – but it’s difficult with the ship tilting and moving as violently as it is, and it’s not worth it anyway. The candles are hardy little stubs, burned down far enough that they’re jutting out of a mass of their own melted wax, stuck securely to the little shelf they’re supposed to shine on. Caelestis can’t do anything to light them again, either – they don’t give you matches in prison, it appears, and the smooth metal bands secured around each of zir wrists tug at zem gently, drinking away any energy for spells ze might have had. Ze really hates the sensation of sapping cuffs, ze’s discovered. Makes zem feel like an eggshell – hollow, brittle, no substance to speak of.

Ze doesn’t mind the dark, though. Not really, not after a bit. Sometimes flashes of light come through the open door at the other end of the hold, but there’s very little to see down here. Just more dark, and grey-brown wood, and zir own trembling hands, and Jiub, who ze isn’t looking at because he isn’t looking back. Which is – well. Makes zem feel a bit like ze’s disappearing, breath catching as the boat tips up again, but it’s fair enough. Ze’s been choking on terror for all the time he's known zem, tossed on zir own ridiculous little ocean. Ze can’t stop shaking. He can’t be expected to try to deal with that with no breaks all the time. There isn’t much he can realistically do.

(Caelestis wants zir notebook, and a sheet of letter-paper, and some good food, and for the world to stop swirling around zem, and for zir shirt to be clean, and for zir hair to get out of zir face, and some sleep, and to go home, and zir mother. Ze has wanted all of these things for quite some time. But clearly, there is not much use wanting. Mostly ze’s trying to stop shaking. It’s harder than it should be.)

So ze sits slouched against the wall, cheek pressed against the splintery wood, teeth digging into soft flesh. Zir neck aches. Everything is still trembling. The ship pitches down another wave, and ze digs zir fingers into the pockmarked floor for balance. Every movement makes zir stomach twist. It feels like there are two different storms tugging zem in two. Ze stares into the empty dark and tries to stop shaking, and tries to stop worrying; every time the boat lurches ze can almost see it, flung about on the waves like a leaf thrown by a child into the running water of a gutter, the sky crackling with lightning around it, so much rain streaming down that it seems hard to tell where the ocean ends and the rain begins. In the hold it smells musty and sour. Zir shirt is stained. Ze watches the boat in the dark as if outside of it, pressing zir hands hard against the floor to still them, and ze tries to pretend that no time is passing at all.

There’s a touch on zir arm. Ze flinches.

“Hey.” It’s Jiub, gravel-voiced, close enough in the darkness ze can’t make out his features. “They brought down some food.”

Caelestis has washed out zir mouth twice. When ze swallows, ze can still taste vomit. “I don’t think I’m hungry,” ze says, and the boat plunges; zir stomach twists.

Jiub snorts. He sets something – a tray, probably, they’ve been letting them hold on to the metal trays the last few days – down on the ground. When Caelestis blinks, the storm rages behind zir eyes. The sky is red. It’s too dark down here to see anything but basic shapes.

“Won’t be too long now,” says Jiub. “It’s not a long journey over the Inner Sea.”

“It feels like it’s been months,” Caelestis says. Zir voice cracks. (It feels like it’s been months. It feels like it’s been forever. It feels like Caelestis was born in the brittle, shivering hold of this ship and ze’s never known anything else. The skies are burning sickly bright. The boat won’t stop moving.)

(Caelestis wishes ze was at home. Ze’d never leave the house again. It would be a terrible setback, except it won’t be, because it doesn’t look like ze’ll be returned home anytime soon. Maybe at all.)

(Ze’s shivering. Lightning that ze can’t see sparks outside.)

Jiub begins to say something, but then the ship pitches violently and Caelestis loses zir grip and tumbles into him, and they’re both sprawling on the floor. Jiub swears, catches the tray; then he looks at zem, ze thinks, and presses the heel of a hand to zir forehead with such rapidity it feels a bit like a slap. Ze winces. He swears again. “You’ve got a fever.”

Caelestis says, “Oh.” Maybe that’s why ze feels like an eggshell, all weird and broken and unpleasant. The ship pitches through a blurry red storm behind zir eyelids. Ze feels, suddenly, very hot. “Maybe that’s why I was throwing up.”

“I think you’ve just got a weak stomach,” Jiub says. It’s abrupt, but not unkind. Caelestis laughs a bit. Zir head is feeling dreadfully untethered. “Doesn’t bode well for you if we’re going to be moved to the Bitter Coast.���

(Ze’s read about the Bitter Coast, in encyclopedias and the like; heard a bit about it from zir mother. Weirdly, hearing the name settles zem a little. The floor feels marginally more solid as it pitches below zem.)

Ze asks, “What should I do?”

“I’m not your keeper,” retorts Jiub immediately; there’s a breath, and then he says, “Get some rest, I guess. I’ll leave some food for you if you want it.”

The hold smells dark and acrid. They only get light when the door bangs open. Caelestis presses zirself against the wall, laid out along the floor. It’s not comfortable at all. Ze finds ze doesn’t really care. “Thank you,” ze says. Ze doesn’t say that he’s a good friend, even though he is, because he probably wouldn’t like that, and it’s probably a bit sad that ze’s had so few friends that he would count among the top five, besides.

Ze just presses zir forehead into the cold boards of the floor and closes zir eyes. In the empty dark, the ship hurtles itself into nothingness.

[magnuficent76]

🥊 for Balt, Melaine and Archer mayhaps.

HOWDY DOO !!

🥊 What do they love to do ? What do they hate to ?

[-> Baltazar

🥊 Baltazar is a guy who enjoys the simpler things in life ! Cooking and eating good food, walking around the farm, drinking some good wine, taking things easy— real hedonist, this one. Buf if they had to pick out a favourite thing they love to do, it'd probably be to go out and paint. Forget the world's problems and just focus on the process of bringing a whole thing to life from the world to your canvas, feel how every stroke drags the paint around and how the wind goes through your hair when you're out and about, contouring your soul and painting it too against the world… or something pretentious like that.

🥊 As for hated things, he doesn't like being a hater a majority of the time, but I think he would fucking despise going to Doctors. Any doctor at all. This guy with a full health plan and a history for needing it is also the world's most stubborn and scared motherfucker so he's Not Going. 

[-> Melaine

🥊 Melaine loves science and she has always loved science before any other thing. Doing her experiments and learning more about the world through a factual lens helps her navigate it better, and it has helped her through a lot of difficult times of crisis particularly. So to Mel, there's nothing better than to sit down and spend hours upon hours researching, writing down notes, running tests and, most of all, helping people with the same thing that helped zir once upon a time. Ze adores zir job, and it brings zir joy to have it be beneficial to others, even make them less afraid of what she does in a way, but the biggest part of it is probably the research bits, so I'll put in researching and testing as a final answer.

🥊 Now for hatred… hmm… probably doing dishes or perhaps admitting she's wrong. One for sensory issues, which are way too strong for her own comfort sometimes, and the other because Melaine is someone who has been raised to think that if you ever admit to being wrong, that means all your merits and your qualifications mean nothing, and that ultimately your experience isn't enough, so you have to work harder and harder in order to never be wrong ever. Normal stuff.

[-> Archer

🥊 Archer… doesn't know. Genuinely doesn't know. This is a man who barely, BARELY has a life outside of work, and even the very company he works for (which benefits entirely from it) gets worried sometimes about it. Not too much though. He loves doing his job but that's superficial, so I guess I'll say he loves drinking. Going to bars is the only other thing he seems able to think about when it comes to socializing, so. That.

🥊 He hates remembering <3 He hates feeling inadequate <3 He hates not being good enough <3 He hates not being able to prove his worth <3 He hates being alone <3 He hates cheap movies and booze <3 He hates the world for not helping him sooner, and even more so for not acknowleding how he's doing now <3 he's actually so well adjusted I promise

[tuesniverse]

<< I have lots of trouble with Xzayvier’s pronouns too, thanks for the resource! >>

《 I'm glad I could help! 》

[mythologyfolklore]

Panoply of the stars

(A/N: Uriel feels blue and Astaroth cheers them up a little, makes veiled jabs at capitalism and racism and causes a blackout in all of NYC, just so they can watch the stars. Meanwhile Asmodeus gets unusually sentimental and nostalgic and Raphael tries to do damage control.)

.

Uriel had never liked being among people.

No matter how hard they tried, they could never help but be frustrated at how slow the minds of humans were in comparison to their own.

The Archangel didn't mean to be condescending and definitely didn't want to come across as a know-it-all. They loved sharing their knowledge and giving humans a bright idea or a little nudge towards the truth here and there. But trying to get down to a human level was just so hard!

The bits of wisdom and knowledge Uriel could feed humans with were microscopical and carefully considered. It was frustrating. However, the human mind was so limited and fragile, that showing them too much would damage them beyond repair, if the Archangel wasn't extremely careful (and Uriel had been reprimanded several times for accidentally driving humans mad).

It was just so tiring to interact with people (not just humans, people in general), that the Archangel just wanted to be left alone most of the time. So Uriel buried themselves in their study in their own Heavenly quarters most of the time, with writing, literature and art.

Every time they came to Earth, they usually tried to get their job done as quickly as possible

The Archangel of Healing would spend 90% of his time here, running his several pharmacies and helping people in need. Raphael was just too sweet and tender for this world, though that was just Uriel's humble opinion.

Then again, Uriel was also the Angel of Judgement, notorious for being as merciless as any demon – and they were judgemental. They were also the most radical and temperamental Archangel (even Gabriel had more chill and he had incinerated Sodom and Gomorrah without batting an eye).

Uriel felt like they didn't fit in.

Not that anyone other than the Almighty would understand.

.

Right now, it was night time and Uriel was sitting on the edge of the roof of a sky scraper, dangling their legs and enjoying the feeling of the chilly wind in their snow white hair.

They had come to visit Raphael in his surgery in the US, but found themselves unable to.

So they just leaned back and hoped that, if they looked hard enough, they would be able to spy a star.

No such luck.

Stupid fucking light pollution.

It made Uriel upset; they had always loved the stars.

To cheer themselves up a little, they began to hum “Twinkle, twinkle, little star”.

But as they came to the third verse, a quiet noise (which was definitely not the wind or the traffic below) made them tense up. Their face darkened; this low, voiceless laugh they would recognise anywhere.

As they turned around to glare at the newcomer, they found a tall woman with tan skin and black hair, smiling and waving hello.

“Did you have to sneak up on me like that?!”, Uriel hissed.

The woman just kept smiling.

Uriel glared harder. “Don't play coy with me, demon! You wanted to startle me into falling off the roof, so that I would have to spread my wings right above the buzzing road, if I didn't want to discorporate!”

The other person smirked and signed: “Guilty as charged. But won't you say hello? Really, you need to learn some manners. I am a Prince and an Archduchess, after all.”

“Go back to Hell!”, Uriel spat.

But when the other just wagged their finger, they gave in and huffed: “Fine. Good evening, Astaroth. What do you want?”

Astaroth changed her shape and a second later stood before Uriel as the blue-haired, pale-faced menace they knew so well. She tucked away her wings (safe for the head pair) and sat beside them.

“I was merely enjoying my vacation”, she signed.

The Archangel held back a snort; of course she was on vacation. The demonic Archduchess was the kind of demon, who would put a decent amount of effort into her work, but also milk every minute of free time she could get.

“That doesn't answer my question, though”, Uriel pointed out. “Again, what do you want from me? Do you have nothing to do? Like tempting people to sloth, making them doubt themselves or giving your summoners all the knowledge they could ever dream of, while robbing them of their place in Heaven, like the manipulative, vile seductress you are? Like in the old days, when you deluded humans into worshipping you as Inanna¹?”

Astaroth smiled lopsidedly and signed: “You flatter me. But I'm not Asmodeus.”

“Definitely”, the Archangel muttered. “At least that arsehole has a work ethic!”

Asmodeus was quite industrious and invested in zir temptation work, which was one of the things that made zir so dangerous. With the Prince of Lust, you could never catch a break; ze was brilliant, subtle and resourceful, but also extremely infuriating. It had taken Uriel almost three thousand years to figure out, how Raphael could stand being around zir for longer than five minutes.

“That aside, Ashtoreth”, Uriel continued, “I'm really in no mood to play your twisted mind games, so fuck off and leave me alone! You being an Archduchess of Hell doesn't give you the right to interrupt my moment of peace and quiet!”

“Watch your language, Archangel”, Astaroth signed with a frown. “It's unbecoming of a heavenly being to be so stroppy and you know it.”

The hoary Archangel just grunted in response.

They knew, that the demoness had a point: they swore way too much. Michael scolded them for it all the time. But they refused to give Astaroth the satisfaction of admitting that she was right.

“You're also quite patronising”, she kept signing, “You ought to treat your elders with more respect.”

“… Seriously?! Are we going there again? You think you being older than me automatically entitles you to my respect? Oh no, that's not how it works! If you want my respect, you have to earn it!”

The blue-haired Archdemon arched an eyebrow. “Oh?”, she mouthed. “That sounds suspiciously like those capitalist corporates, who keep drilling it into people's heads, that if they can't contribute anything to society, they're worthless and undeserving of basic respect and dignity. Then again, they also do the same to non-white people, no matter how hard they work.”

Uriel stared at the demon in utter horror.

Did she really perceive it like that?! They hadn't meant to- they weren't like- they didn't mean or even want to come across like that!

“What, no! You know that's not what I'm trying to say!”, they cried frantically, “What I mean is-”

She put a finger on their mouth and shushed them. “I get what you mean”, she responded, this time telepathically. “You're forgetting, that I know you.”

Yes, know them she did indeed – and Uriel hated her for it.

“How many times have we had this conversation now?”, she inquired. “56 098 times?”

“56 099”, Uriel corrected tiredly. “This one included.”

Suddenly the Archangel felt so exhausted, they wanted to just curl up on that roof and take a nap right then and there. But they weren't stupid enough to do that with Astaroth next to them.

The demon clicked her tongue to get their attention again.

“That aside”, she signed, “I simply chose to join you, because I saw you sitting here on the edge of the roof of a skyscraper, like you wanted to jump and discorporate yourself. I wanted to see what the matter is.”

The Archangel glared at her. “I did not want to discorporate myself by jumping off the roof! Not that it would matter, because my wings would open up reflexively before I hit the ground anyway.”

She tilted her head. “Have you tried it before?”

“Wh- no! Why would I-?” But when they saw her sceptical expression, they gave up. “Alright, fine. Yes, I have tried to kill my previous meat suits before. The last one was male and … and …”

“You couldn't stand having a gross meat roll and balls dangling between your thighs?”, Astaroth guessed.

Uriel bit their lip, but nodded.

Astaroth signed: “Sucks to have to deal with a body you don't want. But back to the matter at hand: why won't you tell me what has you so down in the dumps?”

She put on a winsome smile and Uriel looked away. They would not talk about their problems with her of all people. It was none of her business.

Gently the Archdemon cupped their pallid cheeks, forcing them to face her again.

Her smile said: Come on. Unburden your heart to me.

“You're the enemy”, the Archangel muttered. “Why would I tell you my problems? I have friends and siblings to talk to.”

Her smile became a tad amused: But you don't talk to them.

“I hate you”, Uriel grumbled.

The twin-sister of Lucifer just shrugged, like the smug bitch she was.

With a wave of her hand she encouraged them to speak.

“You wouldn't understand”, the Archangel tried to excuse themselves.

“Try me”, the fallen Evening Star challenged.

“You do not care about your siblings like I care about mine.”

Her black eyes flashed and they could tell she knew it was about Raphael.

There was no point in denying it.

“I know what happened”, the Princess of Hell signed. “Asmodeus told me.”

“Did ze now”, Uriel mumbled.

“Yes. I must admit, I didn't think the little healer had it in him. Pretty ballsy, opposing the Angel of Death, knowing that she could destroy him with just a swing of her scythe.”

Which made the fact, that Raphael had opposed Azrael even more insane.

He was lucky that she was the benevolent and patient Angel she was. Still, Uriel had never seen her so emotional, let alone upset. Ever.

The Angel of Knowledge groaned in despair and grabbed their head with both hands.

“Dammit, Raphael … why did you have to go and screw over Azrael of all Angels?!”

Astaroth clicked her tongue, making Uriel look up and glare at her.

“Now, now”, she signed, “You're talking as if he was fallen or dead. But Raphael is fine, isn't he? He has just been banished to Earth for a while. He has not been stripped of his powers, his immortality or even the Grace of God. On top of that, he spends most of his time on Earth anyway, doesn't he? So what difference does it make?”

Uriel just sighed. To them it made a huge difference.

“Is that what you came here for?”, the Archduchess inquired. “To visit Raphael?”

The Archangel wasn't sure, if the answer was yes or no, but they replied anyways. “Actually, I came here to do my job. I just wanted to give inspiration and little ideas to burned out college and university students. And then I thought … while I'm here, why not visit Raphael? At this hour he's working in the night pharmacy he has here, as you probably know.”

The blue-haired Princess of Hell nodded affirmatively.

“But … when I came near his pharmacy …” They didn't want to finish that sentence.

But they didn't have to, because as soon as their pale red eyes met with the black ones of Astaroth, she understood.

She gave them a pitying look and patted their left hand (Uriel felt their skin crawl at the demon's touch). And then all of the sudden – a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

“What are you plotting?”, they queried with narrowed eyes.

Ashtaroth only smiled serenely, which made Uriel even more suspicious.

Then she snapped her finger … and all the lights in the city went out at once.

The only light sources were now the moon, the heavenly gleam emitting from the Archangel and the eerie red glow coming from the Princess of Hell.

.

In another part of the city, Archangel Raphael was trying to calm down his freaked out customers.

“Everybody settle down!”, he cried out. “It's just a blackout. There is no reason to panic!”

“Hold on!”, a female voice piped up, “I think I got this – wait a second!”

And a lamp in the pharmacy went back on.

The frightened people relaxed a little and went on to get their prescribed medication from Raphael (they always got it for free, no matter how expensive it was. The people had no idea how he could afford that, but they loved him for it. Little did they know that he was an Archangel in disguise, using too many miracles to get his hands on expensive meds, keep pharmaceutical giants off his back and pay his bills).

Through the commotion, Raphael turned to the person next to him and whispered: “What the heck is going on?!”

“Must have been a demonic miracle”, the other whispered back. “Certainly wasn't me, though.”

Raphael frowned, but went back to handing out the exact medication each of his customers needed.

Meanwhile the person limped over to the window to see, if the blackout affected the neighbourhood as well.

“Damn! Seems like the whole city has been affected – OH WOW! EVERYBODY, LOOK AT THE NIGHT SKY!”

The delighted outcry caused everyone to run out and see it for themselves.

There were oohs and aahs, like they had never seen a really dark sky before – and considering this was New York, they probably hadn't.

A small child in a wheelchair asked her parents: “Mommy, daddy! What are those things! Are they UFOs?”

“Holy shit! They are!”, an adult man cried.

But then someone started to cackle and everybody turned to a tall blonde woman with a walking cane.

“Silly man!”, Asmodeus snickered. “Those aren't UFOs! Those are the stars! And that white structure running across the sky, that's our galaxy, the Milky Way! Have you never seen a starry sky before?”

“… Nah”, the man admitted sheepishly. A few others admitted that neither had they.

The girl in the wheelchair tugged at Asmodeus' coat. “Ma'am, are you sure they're not aliens?”

Asmodeus nodded. “Absolutely. Now, don't look so disappointed!”, ze laughed at the child's pout. “Look at the stars! Don't you think they're pretty?”

The kid's pout morphed into a huge smile and she nodded enthusiastically.

Meanwhile Raphael had joined the crowd outside.

When he looked up, he too couldn't help but be in awe. It had been ages, since he had seen such a dark sky and it was just so …

“Raphael.”

The Archangel of Healing turned to his nemesis. To his shock, zir eyes were misty (of course it was too dark for the humans to notice, but he saw it nonetheless) and ze was visibly struggling to keep zir emotions in check.

“Look at the stars!”, ze whispered. “Look at them! When was the last time we saw a sky like this, you and I? I can see all of the constellations, big and small! I can see my constellation! I … I can see my star!”

When one thought about it, it was actually irrational to get so excited, as the Polaris, the star in question, was the brightest star of the constellation it belonged to (Ursa Minor) and one of the brightest in the night sky. And it didn't even belong to Asmodeus' constellation (Ursa Major)².

But that was a human's point of view.

The Prince of Lust – as a demon, who taught zir summoners astronomy, among other things – was wired differently. And so was Archangel Raphael.

He smiled: “Yes. They're spectacular. Just like you.”

Ze whirled around and stared at him in surprise. Then zir expression softened.

“Silly, little Archangel”, ze muttered.

But Raphael didn't fail to notice the faint blush on the Archdemon's face even in the darkness.

And the Archangel couldn't help but grin just a little.

Only a handful of people could get Asmodeus – the notorious Prince of Lust, King of Demons, spouse of Lilith, etc. – flustered and blushing like a teenager.

.

“Did … did you just cause a motherfucking blackout in the entire city of New York?!”, Uriel asked incredulously.

But ere they could do something to fix the chaos, Astaroth snickered.

“Don't worry”, she signed. “I made it so that hospitals aren't afflicted. After all, I wouldn't want Raphael the Demon-Slayer on my back, would I? But fear not, no one is going to die tonight. Well, apart from the mandatory crime victims that happen almost each and every other night.”

Uriel opened their mouth to protest, but she just put a finger onto their mouth and then pointed heavenwards.

Their eyes followed her hand in confusion, only to widen in surprise.

The blackout had neutralised the light pollution.

And there were the stars, decorating the sky and shining down onto the world in all their splendour. There was the Milky Way and Uriel could see the constellations they were responsible for.

“You wanted to see this, didn't you?”, Astaroth asked telepathically. “I saw the longing in your eyes, as you looked at the sky earlier. And …” she grinned, “… you were humming 'Twinkle, twinkle, little star' of all songs.”

“Shush”, Uriel grumbled, but couldn't really find it in their heart to be angry.

And judging by the coy smile on Astaroth's face, she was quite aware of it.

“Just lean back, look up to the stars and relax”, she signed. “Who cares about the chaos and the mass panic of those silly humans? Raphael can fix that for you.”

For once the Angel of Knowledge followed that advice, knowing that they could indeed count on the Healing Angel to handle this.

.

The two lay like that on the roof for a few hours, just enjoying the extremely rare view of a really dark and starry night sky over New York.

Then the Archduchess whistled lowly to catch the Archangel's attention.

Uriel gave her a questioning glance.

But the look they received in return made them sigh: an encouraging smile. And Uriel knew exactly what Astaroth wanted to encourage them to do.

Although, now that their mind was more at ease, they thought they could do it.

The hoary Archangel rose and the Archdemon followed.

“Can you come with me?”, Uriel asked. A childish request really, but just to be sure they would actually do it.

In response she took one of their hands and teleported both of them a few yards away from the pharmacy, where Raphael seemed to be seeing off a few customers.

Having brought the Archangel of Knowledge where they wanted to be, Astaroth gave them a slight nudge into the other Archangel's direction, before waving goodbye and teleporting herself elsewhere.

Uriel took a deep breath, told themselves to stop being a wuss and went over to say hello.

To Uriel's agitation (though not to their surprise), that smug arsehole Asmodeus was there too.

And sure enough, ze noticed them first: “Oh, Raphael! Look who has come to visit you!”

Raphael whirled around and his face lit up brighter than the sun.

“Uriel!”

At once the hoary Archangel was tackled by the small bespectacled brunet that was Archangel Raphael and he was beaming up at them.

“What a pleasant surprise!”, he exclaimed happily. “I didn't know you were in New York!”

Asmodeus cleared zir throat, reminding them that ze was there.

“I'm leaving you two to it”, ze told them. “I don't really appreciate being the third wheel, so I'll be on my merry way.”

Then ze addressed Uriel. “By the way, you don't happen to know, who caused the blackout?”

Uriel sighed: “Astaroth. She wanted to watch the stars with me. She also took me here.”

Asmodeus pouted: “Aww! Really, she could at least have said hello! Oh well. I suppose I'll have to thank her later, for this beautiful night sky.”

With a wink ze added: “Thank you for this night, Raphael! It was delightful! See you soon, my beloved nemesis! And I suppose you too, Uriel. Bye!” Then ze was gone.

Uriel scowled at the spot from which the Prince of Lust just had vanished.

“Fucking arsehole!”, they grumbled.

“I know”, Raphael chuckled. “But let's not dwell on that! Oh, it's so good to see you! It's so sweet of you to visit! I miss you all so much, you have no idea! You have to tell me everything! How have you been? How are our siblings? And the other Angels, are they okay?”

Uriel smiled: “Don't worry, everyone is fine.”

“Come inside with me!”, the smaller Archangel bubbled excitedly. “I will fix us both some coffee. I have to go back to London in a few hours, but until then we will have a lot to talk about!”

Then he pulled them inside.

.

---

.

1) Inanna: Mesopotamian goddess of love, sex, beauty, fertility, war, the planet Venus, justice and political power. Also known as Ishtar and eventually as Astarte/Ashtoreth, from whom Astaroth is derived. 2) In the Testament of Solomon, Asmodeus mentions to Solomon, that zir star (i.e. constellation) is the Big Dipper, which belongs to the constellation Ursa Major. My headcanon (and it's really just that, I swear) is that Asmodeus was formerly the Angel of the Polaris, among other things. The Polaris (which is currently the north star), however, is part of another constellation, the Ursa Minor.

[greatshell-rider]

📎 🧸 🌋 🩺 🌅 for lani, jerry and cindy?

okay i tried to answer this but i clicked away without posting and it deleted it all so i Am doing it all again but it’ll probably be shorter now sldjflsdfjslfjsdljflk i mean hey, probably a good thing

📎 - How organised is your OC? Do they keep on top of responsibilities, or leave things to the last minute? 

lani: very organized! she has a dozen different plans going on her head for a single event at any given time! she does not keep on top of her responsibilities unless she’s in the mood, however, often leaving things to the last minute just for the fun of it, such as watching her brother tear out his own hair in panic and frustration. she thrives off chaos

jerry: he sucks at organizing things but he hates leaving things to the last minute more, so he’ll stay very on top of things and pester lani constantly about doing her own share

cindy: ze loves zirself a good routine, and if zir responsibilities are clearly stated, ze’ll do just fine and get everything done on time. ze’s also better at coping with lani’s finickiness than jerry is. it can be annoying, sure, but ze’ll roll with it since ze knows lani will eventually pull through and fix everything

slappin on a read more cuz no it’s not much shorter than the first attempt lol

🧸 - On a scale of 1 - 10, how ‘soft’ is your OC? 1 being the edgiest of edges and 10 being a literal teddy bear that cries at everything? (Bonus questions, where on the scale would your OC place themselves, and where would they like to be on the scale?)

lani: 2-3. she’s not ~edgy~ but she does commit war crimes so

jerry: thinks he’s a 2, more like a 7. he’s been repeatedly screwed over and would knife fight life in an alleyway, but he eventually learns it’s okay to be soft and vulnerable (to an extent). he also commits war crimes, but hey, at least he feels bad about it. and they’re on smaller scales than what his sister does, anyway!

cindy: 5-6. ze’s no stranger to the ugliness of life but ze’s not afraid or angry about it either, just accepts it and moves on to trying to make it better for zir and zirs. “oh life isn’t fair? guess i’ll improve it then.” ze does delight in beauty and softness though, seeks to keep it safe, and is upset when it gets damaged

🌋 - What’s your OCs temper like? Are they a slow boil, or an instant explosion?

lani: her temper’s chill like how the ice sheets of antarctica are chill. doesn’t ever really thaw. she gets more amused than she does angry, but sometimes the ice does crack, and then it’s “don’t get angry get even” except “even” by her definition is “imma end this man’s whole career”. examples include transphobia, aphobia, and when people really try to hurt her brother

jerry: he’s grumpy and on edge for the vast majority of time, always this close to snapping, and lashes out pretty often

cindy: slow boil most of the time. if zir spoons are low zir temper will shorten considerably, and ze’s simply not fun to have angry, so lani’s learned how far she’s allowed to push

🩺 - Does your OC accept help easily? Are they willing to admit when they need help? 

lani: oh yeah sure she’ll accept help for simple easy things, meals, bandaging wounds, putting her life in the hands of a stranger, managing tasks, all that. mental problems? illnesses, trauma? haha what are those? she thinks she’s just fine <3

jerry: no he’s bad at asking for help. feels he’s got to prove himself as strong and capable and not ever messing up. typically refuse to do so and someone has to be the one to offer, and he’ll hesitate then reluctantly accept and secretly be so grateful and relieved but he won’t say so aloud

cindy: oh yeah easily. ze had to, as a kid and teen, to learn how to give and accept help. doing otherwise would mean someone, possibly zirself, getting hurt or killed. ze’s a great group work partner 11/10. admitting ze needs help is a bit harder than asking for help, if you know what i mean, because once ze commits to a task ze wants to see it through, and realizing ze can’t do it halfway through is much more frustrating than recognizing that in the beginning

🌅 - What is your OCs favourite time of day? Are they a morning person or a night owl? 

lani: does not sleep! a few hours at most at night, maybe, because she loves the night! it means her brother can’t whine at her and she can finally get work done without interruptions! she is both a morning person and night owl because she fears no god and lives to spite the devil

jerry: he likes the afternoon and evening. not a morning person or night owl, but he has to stay up late to do a lot of jobs, rarely getting the sleep he needs, and that’s why he’s cranky all the time

cindy: ze also likes the night! feels much more awake and alert then, but when growing up it was much more of a “rise early go to bed early” deal, so ze’s gotten used to waking up early as well

[bootlegmozart]

imma start this off with

this is my opinion and i understand ppl find comfort in things that i don’t like, which is ok. It still makes me feel invalidated, but they’re allowed to be happy. That’s not up to me to decide. More below the cut. TW Gender Discussions, Suicide Mention, Dysphoria.

I feel really invalidated whenever wlw use he/him pronouns, or mlm use she/her pronouns because it makes me feel like they’re just a “Fun and Trendy Thing” to toss around. I’ve been struggling all my life to feel comfortable in my own body. I finally got top surgery, I’ve been on hormones for 2 years now, and I love how deep my voice has gotten, the facial hair and body hair I’ve grown from it. All the work I put into feeling comfortable being me. My transfem friends have had a much harder time than me to transition to where they feel comfortable as themselves. 

It’s not like mlm/wlw who use she|her/he|him pronouns are coming out of nowhere either. I’m absolutely aware of how pronouns work. I’m just working through my own shit.

Like, I understand the gender identity as a whole. Hell, I’m one of the people who strive for rights toward gender identities, including they/them, zey/zir, etc without having to look like you’re “one of those” people. You abso-fucking-lutely can ID as they/them without looking androgynous. It’s WAY more common than people would think and it kinda sucks for homies who ID as they/them or zey/zir, but don’t get the respect I do because of some gatekeeping asswipe. 

I just feel like I’ve done a lot to feel happy and comfortable as myself, kinda like I “earned” the right to be called he/him? Itself, the idea I just said, is ENTIRELY stupid and pointless btw. There’s no “earning” the right to being treated as a human being/how you want to be treated. I know that. I know gender is a social construct, but it makes me feel better as who I am, and it’s something I need to unlearn I think?

The scenario that made me realize that, yes, I am a transman is this: 

If there was nobody else on this planet to even bring up pronouns, identifications, labels, or anything of the such, I would still identify as a man and if I was unable to transition towards being a man, I would absolutely kill myself because of it. The only reason I’m alive right now is because I’ve access to the medicine to successfully transition from female to male. 

I know, for sure, that self hatred/gender dysphoria isn’t the only reason for someone to transition or ID as something different from the assigned gender at birth. Same with wanting to kill yourself. That’s absolutely inexcusable and everyone should be able to feel comfortable and happy as themselves. There’s a part of me that feels like amab or afab people just say, “Use she/her, or he/him (respectively) pronouns for me sweaty :)” because it’s a fun thing to do, or they feel like they’re accomplishing something progressive by doing that, or they just want to be with the “in” crowd. I know that’s not what they’re doing, but it still nags at the back of my head. I hate it.

I feel like it invalidates me and the time I’ve sunk into feeling good about myself.

It doesn’t make sense because I don’t give a shit what other people think about me as a whole, but, it’s not happened in a year or so, when someone calls me “she” or “her” I just feel like something stabbed me through the chest and ripped out my organs. Even when they’re not even talking about me (I think I have paranoia, which probably plays into this a lot. I feel like everyone’s out to get me or find something to discredit/attack me for). It’s like all my self confidence dissipates into nothingness.

It’s definitely a “ME” issue, but I don’t like it and i need to scream into the void.

[nelvana]

In which two dungeons are explored

First [ARC 1]: In which the human is transformed First [ARC 2]: In which a present is prepared Next: In which the lake guardians arrive at the town Previous: In which the travelers regroup

    “Howling Forest is right up ahead. There is a space between two trees, it is the only way to enter the forest in general and will take you into the dungeon,” Giratina stated.

    “Huh, guess that’s why this was the required dungeon on this trip, huh?” Alex responded, patting his bag. “Everyone ready then?”

    “Yup! And hey, I can see the trees up ahead! We’re making good pace!” Keahi chirped.

    “I am uncertain of how much help I’ll provide in the dungeon for now. Let me know if you need me again,” Giratina told them, before their presence vanished from the rock again.

    Alex had volunteered to carry the rock that could house Giratina’s soul in his own bag. Ceebee using the small sack she has brought with her out to Murky Cave simply wasn’t practical here anymore, and Alex argued that such a small item could get lost in Damien’s larger bag. This was accepted, and not much other thought was given to the situation. Though later, as Nelvana noticed Dusknoir tense as Giratina spoke, reminding him of their existence in the group, she wondered if Alex’s hastiness to carry the stone himself was in a way to protect them from Dusknoir.

    “Mm, yeah, looks like Giratina’s description was pretty on the nose. The outside of this forest is basically a wooden wall with all these trees. It would be more inconvenient to try pushing through them instead of the dungeon,” Nelvana commented as they approached, her eyes scanning the border of the woodlands.

    “So, this is our first dungeon as a group… Do we have any big plans for this?” Damien asked, slowing the closer they got to the entrance of Howling Forest.

    “Well, you’re right that there are a lot more of us,” Alex murmured, glancing around him at the group. “But we shouldn’t have to change strategies too much, at least not here. This is supposed to be an easier dungeon.”

    “Yup!” Keahi nodded. “I think the main type here is actually normal, and the strength of the dungeon ‘mons themselves average pretty low. We’ll switch between who wants to fight, whoever steps up to fight first, go ahead. Those who don’t fight much can keep to the middle of the group and mostly sit back on this one.”

    “We should come up with more strategy for later dungeons though,” Tsuki pointed out.

    “Of course! But this should be a good chance to see how well everyone can battle together, so we can plan those strategies for later!” Keahi replied, “we’ve done some training together, but we haven’t had everyone like this all together in battle. We’re going to have to figure out how well our usual tactics mesh with each other.”

    “Any other comments, or should we just head in now?” Alex spoke up again, having taken a lead on the others and was now right by the entrance to the dungeon.

    “I’m good! Let’s give this a go!” Edgar cheered, heading over to join the grovyle at his side.

    After giving a pause to see if there would be any other comments or questions, Alex grinned and nodded. He almost went right to step in, but then stopped himself and turned back to give one last comment of his own.

    “Oh yeah, we should all go in pretty quickly after each other. Any lingerers may show up somewhere else in the dungeon,” he told them, “I’m sure most of you knew that… we just have a larger group so I’d thought I’d mention it.”

    “Good point!” Ceebee agreed, “form a line and let’s all go in as quickly as possible then!”

    Waiting for everyone to gather up closer to each other, Alex nodded and finally stepped between the trees, disappearing into the foliage. Edgar, being physically closest to Alex when he had gone in, entered next.

    As everyone entered one by one, right away they couldn’t help but individually silently remark that they had arrived into a lighter forest than they had expected from the outside. Tall, thick trees with large leaves made up the walls of the dungeon, and various twigs and small shrubbery grew through the dirty ground in patches. Though some of the trees they could glimpse what appeared to be clumps of pink fruits, but they were all out of reach from where everyone was inside the dungeon.

    Alex continued to lead everyone through the first hallway, though momentarily he glanced back to see how the lineup had turned out. His eyes bounced from head to head, before narrowing as he got to the back and noted Dusknoir.

    “Nope, you are not walking at the back. I allowed it for general travel since we weren’t single file, but you are not just standing at the back here,” Alex insisted, already maneuvering his way back over to Dusknoir.

    Dusknoir rolled his eye, “there is nothing wrong with me covering the back. In fact, I can handle any attacks that may come from behind better than some, being at the back would be better than the middle,” he stated.

    “I learned not to turn my back to you or your creepy army long ago,” Alex hissed, “you’re moving up in the line order. I’ll take the back if that’s how this has to go.”

    “Who will take the front then?” Edgar, who had been left awkwardly floating around the front of the line, nervously asked.

    “Nel is right behind you, she can move up, right Nel?” Alex responded, only glancing back up long enough to spot Nelvana’s nod back in response. “Great. Dusknoir, you’re in the middle then, or at least in front of me.”

    “…Fine,” Dusknoir scoffed, narrowing his eye at Alex before obliging and moving in front of the grovyle. “Can you even see back there now?” he sneered.

    “I can see just fine,” Alex snapped back, “let’s keep going.”

    After that initial conversation, there wasn’t much talking amongst the group for awhile, aside from some spare comments here and there about different battle ideas and suggestions for others, and compliments on how they handled certain fights.

    For most of the group, the dungeon spawn could be dispatched of after a single attack, and as with most dungeons, they rarely ran into more than a few at a time in most rooms. This gave a window of opportunity for some to try out some of their new moves, and get a feel for how they could use them. Tsuki began using calm mind before going to ice beam, and Damien attempted to start using thunderbolt on the few pidgey and azurill that showed up, unfortunately only earning a few sparks for his efforts. Keahi gave Nelvana tips on how to start using flamethrower; the cubone eventually managing to spit out some fire, not enough to count as the actual move, though that did lead to a coughing fit afterwards.

    “I dunno if this move is tha-that good for me,” Nelvana wheezed, thumping a hand on her chest to try clearing her burning throat and lungs.

    “You’re picking it up quickly though!” Keahi replied assuringly, momentarily placing zir wing on zir partner’s back. “I’ve heard that some cubones and marowaks just light their clubs on fire, so that might be easier for you than try to go for the full flame out of mouth like me.”

    “Maybe,” Nelvana murmured, “I think I’ll try that later though; I’m done with trying to learn flamethrower right now.”

    “That’s fine! Want to switch with me? I want to get some more rock smash practice in, I haven’t used that in awhile,” Keahi suggested.

    Nelvana nodded, and their swapped places. Edgar had moved further back in the line earlier in the dungeon to try giving Tsuki and Damien better aiming locations for their longer ranged moves, now finding himself right in front of Ceebee, who was just ahead of Dusknoir.

    It was on the sixth floor that they learned that this dungeon had monster houses.

    Keahi leapt in surprise, feathers fluffing up. Zie collected zirself quickly though, and shot out a long blast of zir flamethrower attack, moving zir head back and forth to cover more with the attack.

    “Gah! I didn’t know there would be monster houses in this dungeon!” Keahi exclaimed in a huff, shaking zirself off after being startled and going for the attack, before bolting into the room, providing space for the others behind zim to follow into the room and help.

    “Keep an eye out for traps then! We don’t know if there will be any of those here either!” Nelvana added, brandishing her club and following Keahi inside.

    “Ugh, I hate traps… and monster houses,” Damien grumbled, before side-stepping through the trees to enter the room at another angle.

    Edgar followed in Damien’s footsteps, while the others began entering the room as well to join the fight. While they had been initially taken off guard and their larger numbers than usual here meant it took longer for everyone to be able to join in and help, they managed to defeat the spawn from the monster house. A poochyena attempted to take the chance to flee towards the end of the fight, but was knocked out by a ghostly fist summoned out of the ground. Nelvana shuddered.

    “There we go! That went pretty well, all things considered! How is everyone?” Ceebee hummed, fluttering over the group. “No one hurt enough for an oran berry?”

    Edgar glanced over everyone as well, “I think everyone is good!” he responded, “huh, that wasn’t that bad! I thought that would have been harder.”

    “Have you been through a monster house before?” Dusknoir questioned, raising his brow.

    “Yeah, Sky Tower would try making them, and I’ve been on one mission down here that had one,” Edgar answered, “apparently that was a dungeon that normally doesn’t have monster houses, so I assumed it wasn’t as bad as real ones.”

    “They can get pretty bad,” Alex agreed, “but there are enough of us to even the numbers a bit more, so that helps,” he explained.

    “Hey, Alex, if you want, we can swap places for a bit,” Damien suddenly offered, “I can take the back.”

    Alex blinked, “really? You sure?” he questioned.

    “Er, yeah. You haven’t really gotten a chance at the front, and I’m sure you wanted to try out brick break, right?” Damien responded, “I can handle the back for a bit, most spawn out here can’t do much to me, so no worries about something sneaking up behind me.”

    After a moment’s hesitation, Alex exhaled and nodded with a smile, taking Damien up on his offer. They rearranged the order a bit before continuing to the next room, the major change being that Damien was handling the rear of the line order now.

    “Hey, Dusknoir,” Damien hesitantly whispered after they had been walking again for awhile.

    “Hm? What is it?” Dusknoir glanced back momentarily to make eye contact with the gengar and properly acknowledge that he was listening to him, but turned his gaze back ahead of him soon afterwards to keep an eye on the path ahead.

    “Ah, well, I saw you had used shadow punch in that fight,” Damien commented, wringing his hands together as he spoke. “And I was wondering if maybe you could… use other moves. I mean, for you, that isn’t even that great of a move, so…”

    Dusknoir narrowed his eye with suspicion, not that Damien could see from behind the larger pokemon.

    “Why are you requesting that I use other moves, when that one works fine? You are correct, I have better attacks, but there is no sense in using them here, where weaker moves that I am still familiar with will suffice,” Dusknoir responded, “…Does this have to do with why I have not seen you use it before, even though it is one of your better moves?” he added after a moment’s thought.

    Damien stiffened, “uh, yeah…” he admitted, “it doesn’t make Nel comfortable to see. She expects you to want to use it on her. I haven’t really seen if Alex or Ceebee react to it too, but still,” he explained quietly, “I think it would be easier with everyone if you just… used a different move for now.”

    Dusknoir huffed, “she should be well aware by now that it would not benefit me to harm her. I shouldn’t have to be forced to waste energy on moves that are either too strong for this dungeon or too unfamiliar for me.”

    “Tha-That isn’t!” Damien bristled, stammering over his words as he attempted to word everything the way he imagined. “It’s instincts, she can’t just change that!” he hissed.

    Dusknoir didn’t respond. Damien switched his place in lineup on the next floor.

    Fortunately, the rest of Howling Forest was completed without any other difficulties. Monster houses were more manageable when they were expecting them and realized which rooms to look out for based on items, and while they kept their eyes open, no traps were spotted or stepped on.

    Once exiting Howling Forest, they had also exited most of the woodlands in general. Ahead they could see the mountain range closer than ever, and the path was clearer than ever to get there. The group continued on ahead, keeping their eyes peeled for any dungeon entrances.

    “Hey, Giratina, can you sense the dungeon up ahead?” Ceebee asked after prompting Alex to bring out the rock, speaking loud enough regardless that it probably would have been heard anyway.

    “Hm…?” Giratina’s voice drew in after a few moments. “Not yet,” he answered after processing Ceebee’s question properly. “You are not close enough yet.”

    “That’s the problem,” Keahi sighed, “by the time we get close enough like this, it’ll be faster to just try the dungeon.”

    “We are in fairly good shape after the last one, fortunately,” Tsuki pointed out, “if we must go through Pitfall Valley, then we shall.”

    “I would expect no less from you all,” Giratina hummed, “well then, I shall let you know if I sense anything, hopefully you shall still be far enough away then to still get around.”

    “Thanks, Giratina, it is worth a try, you’re right,” Keahi replied.

    “It might be good practice for some of the other dungeons we’ll have to go through later,” Alex added, “Temporal Tower is no breeze, and if we do have to fight Palkia, it wouldn’t surprise me if they have a dungeon wherever they are too.”

    “Do you know if there will be a dungeon before Palkia, Giratina?” Nelvana asked, glancing back at the rock despite the awareness that they could not see her gaze.

    “I am… unfortunately uncertain about that,” Giratina admitted, “Palkia lives out in a split in space, outside of this world. I have not been able to visit it since being banished from this world, despite Palkia’s home not being on this world either. Whether or not they had added or have had a dungeon forced there is beyond me.”

    “It would be a good thing to assume,” Ceebee said, “even if there isn’t one, there is nothing wrong with being overprepared. Besides, a lot of legendaries have equipped their home with a dungeon to keep outsiders out for hundreds of years now, so it wouldn’t be surprising if Palkia did that too,” she explained, “…Even if their home is generally inaccessible anyway by most.”

    “How will we get there, anyway?” Edgar questioned.

    “The hope is that Dialga will open a way to let us go there. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Ceebee answered.

    “I think we found the dungeon,” Tsuki announced suddenly, glancing around them.

    “Ah, Tsuki is correct. Apologies, I had gotten distracted in the conversation we had been having,” Giratina responded. “You are all now in Pitfall Valley.”

    “In?” Keahi repeated, “we already accidentally got in?”

    “Mm, looks like it,” Nelvana sighed, narrowing her eyes as she scanned the area. “This one was really well disguised, hard to even notice a different just based on appearance.”

    “Well, we’re in it now then, so let’s get going,” Alex replied, “no turning back.”

    Damien chuckled, “that’s for sure. Is there even a dungeon you can turn back on?”

    “I think in some weaker cave ones you can,” Keahi answered, “Thunderwave Cave is actually one, I don’t think Mt. Steel is though.”

    “Huh, whaddya know.” Damien shrugged. “I’ve never tried that before. Kinda assumed once you were in you were in, aside from badges and escape orbs. Cool.”

    Pitfall Valley showed itself to be a greater challenge than Howling Forest had been right away, with a spawned farfetch’d knowing air cutter right away, catching the group off guard and grazing Alex. A headbutt and a flamethrower burst from Nelvana and Keahi managed to defeat the foe quickly afterwards, but it certainly managed to put things into perspective here; they wouldn’t be able to easily train and stroll through this dungeon.

    It also became adamantly clear early on that the vast majority of pokemon in this dungeon were flying-type. With the name the dungeon had, rock-types had been considered first, but when the first non-flying-type pokemon that showed up was a raticate on floor four, and none of the previously imagined type had been seen at all, the main type of the dungeon was clear as day. Because of this, Alex was moved to the middle of the party, as was Ceebee, and Tsuki got to lead for awhile, using ice beams from afar to remove any danger before it could get too close.

    This strategy worked for a couple floors, and then Tsuki found a trap by stepping on it. She barely had a moment to notice as the tile was revealed under her paw before the ground crumbled around her, dropping her down to the floor below them.

    “Tsuki!” Keahi called out, stepping up to the edge of the pit. “Are you alright?”

    “Er, yes, I am,” Tsuki replied.

    By looking over the hole in the floor, they could see Tsuki far below them. Despite the distance of the fall, she pulled herself back to her feet without too much trouble, looking back up at her teammates now above her.

    “Hm… the drop doesn’t look too bad,” Alex muttered, “looks like a good shortcut to the next floor.”

    “Shortcut?” Damien repeated, “are you suggesting we jump down there too?”

    “The alternative option is to keep wandering around up here until we find the stairs and wander around some more until we regroup with Tsuki again,” Alex pointed out, “personally, I’ll take the jump.”

    With that, Alex proved his point by stepping back, and then leaping down into the hole. Tsuki stepped aside to allow the grovyle to land on his own, which he managed to do without too much difficulty.

    “Alright, who else is coming?” he called back up.

    “Half of us can fly or float or teleport, this isn’t that bad, all things considered,” Nelvana murmured.

    “This is… This is kind of like one of the jumps we had to make in Magma Cavern! Yeah!” Keahi convinced zirself, “okay, I’m going next!”

    Following suit after the grovyle, Keahi hopped into the pit. Alex positioned himself to catch the torchic, hoping that it would lessen any damage from the fall. Afterwards, Nelvana jumped down, allowing herself to be caught by her partner as well, though she joked she could have landed fine on her own. And after being reminded by Nelvana of his own ability, Damien simply teleported down to join the other three. Then one by one, the remaining of those up on the previous floor were able to float, or fly in Ceebee’s case, down to everyone else so they could move on.

    It become quickly apparent why this dungeon actually had the name Pitfall Valley.

    The group mostly laughed off the first pitfall trap, telling themselves to be more mindful of other possible traps as they moved on. In fact, a dungeon spawn was the next one to step on a trap, another pitfall one, and finding the use in the shortcut to the next floor, they hopped down afterwards again.

    And then the next trap they found was another pitfall trap, and so was the next. It had begun getting to the point where they couldn’t be certain of whether or not all the traps in this dungeon were pitfall traps, but they still didn’t purposely step on any they detected on the chance it turned out to be something worse just to find out.

    Either way, they started seeing the pitfall traps as more of a positive for this dungeon, since for a descending dungeon it was one of the better traps to find; the only one that could be considered in any way helpful.

    At least until the pitfall traps become coupled up with monster houses.

    Keahi was the one with the misfortune of taking that fall. Paying more attention to chatting than keeping an eye out for signs of a tile hidden in the ground, zie accidentally revealed another pitfall trap underneath zir talons. Only able to let out a mix between a sigh and a chuckle before falling, the trap opened up a hole in the ground below the torchic, dropping zim to the floor below zim.

    “I’m alri- aaAHH! Monster house! Hurry!” Keahi shrieked, dungeon spawn appearing into the room around them at an alarming rate, beginning to surround zim as zie scrambled to recover from the fall.

    Without another thought, before even some of the others could process the danger, Nelvana already dove down to the floor below them, landing by slapping her club on the ground right away and bringing it back up to swing at the first foe. Alex followed next, and the rest of the party made their own way down as quickly as they could to help out in the battle.

    Despite the initial surprise of the situation, they managed to handle the monster house without too much trouble; aside from some super-effective cuts on Alex that required an oran berry to fix up. Right after the battle finished, however, Nelvana made sure to give Keahi a tight hug first. The torchic squirmed a bit at first, taken off guard, but relaxed in zir partner’s grip, smiling.

    “Hey Nel, I love hugs, but this is a bit of odd timing,” Keahi commented with a giggle.

    “Sorry,” Nelvana instinctively apologized, setting Keahi back down on the ground. “I just… got worried when the monster house started. I thought the pitfall trap would close up like how the stairs do when you change floors right into a monster house… Like when we rescued Team Stars,” she admitted quietly.

    Keahi’s expression softened, “oh… I hadn’t even thought of that,” zie murmured, “but hey, I’m alright, you’re alright, everyone is alright. Traps don’t come undone like that; now we know for the future.”

    Nelvana nodded, finally relaxing more herself and allowing a small smile to grow on her face. Smiling back again, Keahi gently headbutted zir partner before returning to face the rest of the group.

    “Alright, that was… a good lesson for us,” Alex muttered, finishing off the oran berry he was eating. “From now on, whenever possible, we should take a better look at the floors we’re jumping down too. This was a trap, so that strategy wouldn’t apply anyway, but we have been jumping a bit blindly into the holes the spawn set off.”

    “And perhaps sending whoever has a resistance to the dungeon’s type should be the one to jump first, just in case we missed a hint,” Tsuki added.

    “That sounds like a great idea!” Ceebee hummed, “whatever helps keep everyone safe!”

    “Hey, on a sort of related note, what floor are we on now?” Damien asked, “Alex, you have the dungeon map, right?”

    “Indeed, I do. Lemme check…” Alex reached into his own bag to rummage around for a moment before pulling out the familiar page. “Floor seventeen, just as I thought. Not long now, everyone!”

    “That’s good! I’ve been getting tired,” Keahi admitted, “what time is it? Would anyone know?”

    “Dungeons usually darken slightly at night. They do not remain completely independent of the outside world in that way. It is likely sometime at the evening, or afternoon at least,” Tsuki answered, “in any case, we should see about hurrying more, if possible. We would not want to have to exit this dungeon right into darkness.”

    “Tsuki brings up a good point, let’s keep moving,” Alex agreed, “we can rest once we get outta here.”

    Nodding back to Alex, Tsuki took the head of the group again to lead them out into the dungeon again. Alex tried going up to stand right behind her, but some quick instance from Ceebee that he hang back for a couple floors at least to recover, he moved more to the center of their lineup.

    Following through with their usual strategies, as well as the new addition for dealing with the pitfall traps in a securer way, they eventually made their way out of the dungeon within the hour. The sun was setting by this point, so they found their way to a spot off the beaten path to set up their camp for the night. Feeling drained from running through two dungeons, alongside the usual long traveling of the day, it didn’t take too long for most of the party to turn in for the night, while the others quietly chatted amongst themselves as the night continued.

First [ARC 1]: In which the human is transformed First [ARC 2]: In which a present is prepared Next: In which the lake guardians arrive at the town Previous: In which the travelers regroup

[themadvigilantist]

new things about dantalion that he still won’t talk about or do or bring up unless forced:

his voice is most often dark and deep. Can also be as whispers or male and female alternating voices.

note that this can change over many faces and used to be poetic but now just doesn’t do that. what was the point?

dantalion doesn’t have a gender or pronouns to call them but, a millenia of people labeling danta as ‘he’ and ‘she’ and ‘they and them, their, theirs, themself, sie, hir, hir, hirs, hirself, zie, zir, zir, zirs, zirself, mx (etc.) or whatever you want to address them as, this is fine and they will respond to any of them

note that he just hates being called an angel and if asked ‘what’s in your pants?’ he will say, ‘your death date, wanna peek?’. after all he can appear as anyone but, he picks specific faces to stay in because he likes different attributes that they have. like one’s voice versus one’s eyes versus how they look in clothing or a wig or makeup.

note that he tends to just use he pronouns but, this was out of pure will to not just put down ‘demon. dantalion’ not mister or miss no, just ‘ah right this way, demon. dantalion’ but he has used dn as an abbreviation of demon in the place of said pronouns from time to time. if he remembers it.

he always knows how you think - consciously and subconsciously - and he can control these thoughts however he pleases. he can also teach people how to be telepathic.

note that he will never do this for any reason or for anyone. there is no exceptions. if vin or v cut you out through a bond, he won’t help you adapt to that by being telepathic. he’ll ease your mind, calm it down but, he will never offer a choice of telepathy. this is only because one: the drawback is that you still can’t read the mind of that ‘special someone’ you love and two: you still won’t be able to read his mind. there is no so-called ‘door’ where one opens and either one can read the other’s mind when it comes to him. that angel bit of him kicks in and kills the ‘invader’ by burning their mind completely until their eyes are just sockets. do not attempt to be the first to enter his mind if you are telepathic human/other species. you will die as a result.

note that the only reason vin can specifically do so and not [insert telepathic species here]/evangeline/v/allura/vigil is because vin had him in his head for what is marked down as years were actually many millennia (regenerations included). his species were trained to ‘expand their mind’ on a internalized literal level, vin expands his mind just as quickly as dantalion could burn someone out.

note that the only reason vin’s tardis (and at one point, vigil’s) is psychically able to talk to him - even outside vin’s body - is that the sentient technology is just that: technology. both dantalion and a tt capsule cannot possess each other because both minds are constantly at a standstill. he can understand what they are saying because the tt capsules are a flesh body away from becoming angels/demons themselves.

He change said thoughts of all people at his will.

note that this also means that whatever kilgrave (because i rp a kilgrave @drbabygirl) does, that’s just basic extreme easy level okay. this is worse. don’t tempt him to do this, he’ll do it like he’s oprah and the world is his audience about to get a special surprise but hopped up on mentos, soda, caffeine and red bull all in one.

He teaches all art & sciences. You need a sculptor for tomorrow, he can fix that. you need a physics and biology teacher? he got you.

He can teach on how to achieve alternative states of consciousness (OOBE, Lucid dream, higher states, past life reading, hypnosis etc.) and he can accompany you during them

note that he won’t. he just won’t. humans need sleep. don’t break your brain.

He can help you open astral senses or knowledge of something that you want to know (you might die or you might go into a coma. or a deep sleep. it depends on what you want to know) but, he won’t do it.

Teaches persuasion, manipulation, lies, flirt, good speeches, relations, mind control, generally all social skills. he does all of this too, this is why he has friends and lovers and why he has an abandoned apartment building as his earth home, resident of one: himself.

He can heal or help you with low self-esteem, negative thoughts, neuroses, depression, other coded wounds in one’s subconscious.

he doesn’t talk about doing this but, if your muse is just chill with a demon who has a taste for killing and taking his advice on anything when it comes to those issues, this is the reason why.

he will never say it like that. and he will do it while the other is conscious just like a tardis will just automatically translate without the human/species consent. it’s just there.

He can suddenly put in a state of deep peace and relaxation, and show you how to do this with your mind and has the ability of knowing the exact word to calm said mind.

note he will not teach you how to do this. he’ll just calm your mind. the last human he taught this died gruesomely despite trying to making it seem like a good thing but, only realized the second dantalion just watched with a confused grin that dantalion wasn’t going to help stop what was happening to them.

He can cause love or other emotions 

note that it used to be that if the person didn’t know you at all (i.e. a complete stranger) they couldn’t instantly fall in love with you but, now at this point, he can actually do this. though this will intentionally backfire for those that ask this of him. it will get the desired effect for a day but, then it becomes a ‘if i can’t have you no one will again’ situation.

why is your muse extremely annoyed/angry by his presence? that’s him. the little shit. 

Has the ability to cause obsession (any kind of obsession), illusions , fear or hallucinations. This is why ‘scaring’ him doesn’t work. He’s not easily phased by what a canonical/original villain can do, let alone a beginner of a ‘good guy’. If he can cause fear then he will have no fear and remember, he enjoys manipulating the mind so, if you want to scare him, you might need try a little harder than ‘angel-based’ weapons and ‘demon blood’. Maybe showing (accurately) on how to turn him back into an angel will work (and with positive results. He’s knowledgable so, he’ll know if its’ incorrect or correct without giving it away and i won’t give it away because ahaaaaaaaaaah i haven’t written it and i’ll forget it so, no. good luck.)

Cause lust (and he’s extremely very good at it. scarily good at it. i wish i was exaggerating but, it’s also canon-based on the actual demon so, i’m not exaggerating. i’m just relaying it. could i write it? no but, i can list it.)

that kink, that one kink you think no one knows that you/the muse have - that happen to be an actual thing - he knows it and will not tell you how or why he knows it and knows well enough to make a profession of it. he’ll act on it. (me, i gotta research it but, HEALREADYKNEWITIMUGH)

Finds a person similar to others and causes them to unite (even if your other half is technically dead) either romantically or platonically. 

Knows secrets (knowledge, but not only) and reveals secret councils, which means that if there is a secret society, he will know about it. unfortunately, no exceptions.

Can show a person other aspects of their own personality and makes that person more charismatic or who they want to become. yet again, depending on the person as of late, he bounces off what their partner wants and eggs people on. 

hence why for most of vin’s spouses, he tends to wind people up when it comes to hurting him/desiring him because its what they mentally want to do and he always want someone to act on what they actually want. it’s the truth.

Can cause people not paying attention to you. This is a benefit for espionage but, can also be horrible for others who want to be noticed but, he just goes ‘nah, suffer’ .

He’ll text symbols like - 

eyes/eye | 👀/👁👁

faces | see any emoji

crown | 👑

books | 📚

the speaker | 🔊

the judge | 𐑡 or 👩‍⚖️

Judge’s stuff of high social rank | 🔨

scepter | not invented yet

psychedelic waves/smoke | ♨️💨♨︎

dandelions | ⚘

brain | 🧠

mask | 🎭

mirror | not invented yet

water | 💦💧🌊

clouds | ☁️☁︎

the priest [note that now he uses a different emoji for this] | 🗣

[leo-lucid]

Bewitching Which Monster Chapter 6: The Attic

The schedule was pinned up in the kitchen for everyone to write on. It was much easier to do this than going up to everyone and asking them. Besides, some people were still out of the house. It honestly made me happy to see almost everyone rush to the calendar after dinner was over.

My plate was taken up by Zamuel and I waited at my seat, sipping my tea. It took awhile for everyone to get done adding their prefered times and date, but once it was done the schedule appeared full. I noticed that Endrian and Danton didn't have anything written down. It made sense why Endian wouldn't add anything to it was of now considering that he was out of the house still. However, I wasn't sure where Danton could be.

Now that I think about it, he wasn't present during dinner either.

I told myself that I wasn't going to pressure anyone or approach anyone about this, but I was curious to what Danton thought. He was the only one that didn't seem to express much interest or personal opinions since we have met. I could even argue that we haven't even really met yet. He was cut off by Cassi before he could finish everything he wanted to say.

I drank the rest of my tea and went into the kitchen to find Zam beginning to wash dishes. "Excuse me, Zam? You wouldn't happen to know where Danton is, would you?"

"Ghothel spends most of zirs time in the library or up in the attic, zirs personal bedroom." He answered, putting a rinsed plate into the dishwasher. I nodded and began to head towards the top floor and towards the attic first, remembering the neutral pronouns. It was shame that I couldn't learn Danton's preferred pronouns from zirself, but at least I know now.

I didn't quite understand why Danton would decide to reside in the attic. There were plenty of regular bedrooms all over the mansion. I couldn't remember what was in the attic either let alone how long it's been since it's been cleaned. Perhaps Danton cleaned everything zirself? But, ze was a ghost. Thinking about the subject confused me a little too much, so I simply went to the top floor and opened a door that led to more stairs that would lead to the attic.

The door that led to the main floor of the attic was a dreary purple. The pain was chipping off and the wood of the door itself was rough. I was afraid to touch it in case I got a splinter. Still, I braved through it and knocked on the door. Perhaps I should make fixing this door my next craft project. Maybe even use some of my magic on it.

I didn't hear any movement or indication that someone was inside for a good minute. I gave one more knock and waited a little bit more for a response. Just as I was about to turn and head to the library next, the door creaked open. I saw a lock of white hair and slowly saw one half of Danton as ze peered from behind the door. Ze looked nervous. It was infectious.

"H-Hello, Danton. U-Um, could we talk? About the schedule?" I greeted, stumbling over my words just a smidge. Ze didn't reply verbally. Instead, ze just held the door open a little more for me to enter zirs room.

Unlike the state of the door and the hall leading to the attic, zirs room was magnificently clean and warm. Fairy lights, blankets and pillows everywhere, pressed flowers, and scattered books were present in the room. It looked more like the inside of an elaborate pillowfort than a regular bedroom or attic. I was impressed. Inspired even.

Danton took a seat on a pillow lying on the floor and gestured for me to sit on a pillow across from zir. I sat down, still looking around the comforting room a bit. Despite how warm the atmosphere was, there was a lingering awkwardness. Part of it may have been from Danton not speaking a word to me since I arrived. A part of me though that ze may have been the introverted and shy type, but I suppose I should've prepared for it more.

I cleared my throat and focused my eyes on zir visible lilac eye. "You weren't present during dinner so you may not know this but I created a schedule for everyone to mark their desired date times on. There's still room for you to put something down for this month if you wish."

"I know." Ze softly spoke, now looking away towards the books on the floor. I didn't quite know how to respond to that. Ze already knew that there was a schedule up apparently but didn't bother to come and write anything down.

"O-Oh! I see. D-Did you not plan on participating?" I hesitantly asked. It's not like it would hurt my feelings if ze said that ze wasn't interested in well. . . dating me. I would be hesitant to date a complete stranger too. And I am.

"I. . ." Ze began, but soon trailed off. Zir face was contorted with nervousness. Ze rubbed the back of zir neck, trying figure out how to proceed with the conversation.

I attempted to laugh and shrug. "I-It doesn't hurt my feelings that you don't want to date me. I get it. Dating a complete stranger is weird. It even freaks me out a little if I'm being honest."

"Th-That's not it. . ." Ze spoke up, a faint redness growing over zir white, semi-transparent cheeks. Now I really didn't know how to respond. I didn't understand the reason why ze didn't seem to be interested in filling out a space in the schedule.

I waited a bit to see if ze would explain the situation further. Ze simply continued to stare at the books on the floor. The space between us felt even more awkward now. This ghost wasn't giving me much to work with here.

It suddenly clicked. Why couldn't I realize this before? I cleared my throat and picked up the conversation again. "Danton? Is it possible that you aren't able to touch things within this plane?"

Ze suddenly became wide-eyed as I caught on to what may be part of the problem. Ze seemed to get flustered as ze tried to explain the problem. "I-I can pick up s-some objects. Low energy o-objects. T-Touching living beings is. . . harder. It takes m-much more energy. I'm sorry. Very sorry."

I didn't know a ton about ghosts but I knew some information. Records show that ghosts were able to interact with some things within the realm of the living but it took some amount of energy to do so. Inanimate objects are much easier to interact with than it is to interact with humans or even animals. Danton probably didn't need to do things like eat or drink either. That didn't leave zir with many date options.

"I-It's okay! Really! We don't have to do anything that most people do on dates. It's not like I'm going on dates with a bunch of regular people too, so I have to adapt anyways. E-Even if you weren't a ghost, I would not expect you to do anything you weren't comfortable with." I replied, the air clearing up as the problem was revealed.

"I-I would hate to waste your time. . . " Ze confessed. For some reason, my eyes followed zir line of sight over to the books. My eyes caught a few words before I realized that it was a romance novel. In fact, I now saw that most of the books within the room were romance novels. Ze must think that the standards in romance novels had to apply to reality.

I decided that trying to reassure zir wasn't going to work well. Instead, I took a different route to get to know zir and try to get zir to open up. "What is this book about? It looks to be really good."

Danton seemed to somewhat relax as I switched topics. Ze picked up the book I was looking at and closed it, setting it down with the front cover up in front of me. "It's about a prince that falls in love with a maid, but he's betrothed to another woman. So, the man meets the woman he really loves in secret. There are moments were it seems like they will get caught by the guards or by the prince's parents. However, so far they seem to be okay. I haven't finished it yet though."

This was the first time I heard Danton speak without being cut off, stuttering, or trailing off. It was actually nice to hear zir voice so clearly and confidently. Zir voice was still soft and smooth like silk. Zir voice reminded me of feathers stuffed inside a comfy pillow. Ze still sounded a smidge shy, however I was feeling more comfortable as ze spoke.

"I see. I hope you finish the novel very soon then. What about this one?" I pointed to another book to keep the conversation going. I felt like we were really making progress in getting zir to open up. Perhaps with a little more talking, zir would come to feel confident enough to fill a space on the schedule.

"That one is about a woman that goes to Paris and falls in love with a painter. She goes to buy her paintings everyday until she has no more money left to go back home. Eventually, the painter offers to let the woman stay at her studio where she gains inspiration and uses the woman as a muse and eventually the painter falls in love with her model." Ze explained, a light smile forming on zir face.

"That sounds lovely, Danton. I would love to borrow one of your books sometime. Perhaps we could read together sometime?" I suggested, not really thinking about just what I asked. It wasn't until a few seconds after I said it and a few seconds of silence that I began to blush. I. . . Did I just kinda asked Danton out on a date?

Danton seemed to also take my suggestion as a proposal for a reading date. Zir transparent cheeks turned a harsh shade of red. The heat I felt on my own cheeks was an indication that my face was probably just as red as zirs. I attempted to salvage the situation, throwing my hands up in defense and shaking my head. "I-It doesn't have to be a d-date! W-We can just r-read as f-friends!"

"Y-Yeah! I-I mean. . . I-I guess I d-don't mind if it was a d-date now. . ." Danton now confessed, cheeks only growing brighter and redder.

While it made me happy that I managed to get zir to become more comfortable with me and the idea of going on dates with me, it also made me incredibly flattered and embarrassed. My heart was beginning to race and I subconsciously stared at zir face.

Ze may be a little transparent, had white skin, and zir bangs only revealed one lilac eye, zir was actually kinda cute. Zir appeared to be mostly androgynous but leaned on the more masculine side. Zir lashes were pretty long and the shape of zir eyes gentle, but zir jawline was prominent and ze was only an inch or two taller than me. Danton was really cute now that I really paid attention to zir.

As soon as I realized that I was staring, I shook my head slightly to force myself out of my trance and blushed harder, now matching how bright Danton's cheeks were. "G-Great! Th-Then, I will add a s-spot on the schedule for our r-reading date. Th-Thank you for accepting my offer!"

"R-Right. . . I-I'll see you on before and o-on our d-date then, A-Anise." Ze responded. I took that as my cue to get up and head towards the door. I gave zir one last nod and nervous smile before exiting the attic and quietly closing the door behind me. A huge sigh left my lips as the awkward weight lifted off of my shoulders.

Perhaps I shouldn't pay attention to how good-looking everyone was from now on. It would just make acting natural on the dates even harder. I hope that reading wouldn't be totally impossible when my date with Danton comes.

[thirst2]

Parental Bullshit

When I was younger, my mother had a habit of going into my room and just tossing out the things she felt were trash, regardless of what they were to me. I imagine that’s not terribly foreign to a decent host of children; I don’t know if I necessarily disagree that it was improper – a parent has a right to guide, as ze feels is necessary, zir child in the direction ze feels is proper. I also have a hard time distinguishing whether behavior my parents displayed was fair or if I just find it acceptable because it taught me to keep a step ahead of forces I had no control over and I sincerely feel that’s an important life skill to possess.

Either way, I learned to push back (as I did with most things my parents did); and my mother learned to approach it differently. Didn’t like a shirt I had? It just stops showing up in my drawer after the laundry one day. There’s an item she doesn’t like? It just happens to be in a different location than I originally had it – that happens to make it harder to find – to then eventually get “lost”.

In any case, I mention this because it never really went away, regardless if the original behavior was acceptable – this desire to enforce what she felt was accurate and correct in spite of whatever else anyone else thought.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t inherit that mindset to a degree. I don’t like the policies of a certain social network? I’ll just go build my own, then…. The element in question that I want to highlight is that I never shared the same desire to so directly inflict upon the autonomy of the Other; I’ll create an alternative and appeal to those I may feel have a more sympathetic ear rather than directly engage but I won’t directly control. Those who differ can do as they please; just, you know, over there.

So I have a coat.

A coat I rather love; it works well, keeps me ridiculously warm, and – most important, to me – has a lot of memories baked into it.

My mother dislikes this coat. I would say it’s because she’s superficial (which is true, regardless) but she claims it’s dirty and, well, she doesn’t tend to like too old of things (the charitable argument could be that, having been poorer earlier in life, she hates to feel like that position in a multitude of ways but it often manifests in very classists ways so, you know, lay your sympathy where you deem fit).

She’s repeatedly said I need a new coat while I’ve repeatedly said I don’t want (nor need) a new one.

So, this Christmas, she got me a new one.

There’s a lesser strain I’ve noticed and I don’t know if I’ve ever written about it but I feel like I’ve meant to and that’s that I tend to feel often ignored. I say things (often repeatedly) and, invariably, someone says they don’t remember when it invariably comes up. I’m used to getting missed in most areas or going unnoticed; it can be useful, in a political and activist regard, but boy if it ain’t lonely (I’d be remiss if I said I didn’t do the same occasionally but it is the root of my intense focus on remembering elements about people and takes pains to make sure that I give pointed attention to all parties involved when interacting socially with others, especially for those when I notice the rest of the group is sort of ignoring or not noticing them; I’m always surprised when others remember things about me but am always thankful and tend to never forget it happened); this intersects, in some ways, with how I also feel my immediate family regards me as less mature or responsible in spite of – I would argue – at least decent evidence to the contrary but that’s probably a discussion for a different post.

So, to recap, I’ve repeatedly said I don’t need nor want a coat, I’ve gotten a coat from my parents, and my mother has a habit of just doing as she pleases when it comes to getting her way.

I sincerely believe I try to be charitable in all things and acknowledge the benefit of the doubt when doubt is present but I don’t feel there’s a need to be charitable here – she wants me to have a new coat so, regardless of what I want, she gets me one. Yet I come off as an asshole for pointing this out; like I should be grateful for a gift because they spent money on her ego project so I should just accept it.

Except I’m not stupid (well, arguable but at least in some departments) – things don’t happen in a vacuum and this isn’t the first time we’ve done this rodeo of buying things which weren’t on the list for things you thought would serve me better. This isn’t some hard to parse scenario – this is explicitly her seeing an opportunity to get her way.

Wanna know how I know? Because I asked for yarn and crocheting needles and guess what I didn’t get? So you explicitly ignored me to satisfy your pet project for something I didn’t very evidently didn’t need; it just bothered you that one of your children wears a coat you feel is too dirty and that really fucks with your ability to live, in all ways, through them vicariously.

And we could argue that those with less would be very happy to get an unnecessary coat but that’s the thing – you sure as Hell didn’t need to do that. This wasn’t some mishap of “Whoops; accidentally bought this coat because we misunderstood some things.” This was you knowing full well or, alternatively, not listening to me to such a degree as to seemingly be actively tuning out when I speak, repeatedly.

Last year, she took the coat and washed it; I earnestly and honestly don’t feel like I was being out of line in saying that I’m an adult and, if I don’t want my stuff taken and – really – having anything done with them (let alone washed) for – you know – boundaries reasons, I should get that say. So I very firmly told he that if she pulled that crap, again, I would not come back next year or any year after that; I’m tired of losing my autonomy and I didn’t move out for that practice to continue.

Well now, that doesn’t work with what she wants but God forbid she not have her cake and eat it, too. So I get a coat, this year.

And not the thing I wanted (probably, also, because she feels crocheting is feminine and, God knows, that’s a no-no…).

I’m not stupid; I keep track of things. I put one and one together; I don’t forget.

And I know you; I know how you wield emotion. So I know that you know exactly what you’re doing when you pull the “Well, if you don’t want it, we can return it and, at least, get our money back”. Again – I don’t have to be grateful just because you spent money on me in an explicit attempt to only listen to what you wanted.

I know you; I know that’s not sincere. That’s for you to verbally communicate to everyone else around that, “Well, I spent my hard-earned money but, if you don’t appreciate it…” without having to be so explicit.

Spending money on a gift to fit what you desire and not because you have the receiver in mind doesn’t negate all ill-will. I don’t have to be grateful for being ignored.

[frejahertziswritingthistime]

The neighbor, chapter 7

A/N: DAMN, THE TENSION! I was actually getting a little hot, as I wrote the last chapter, and I’ve been dying to see your reactions to it! I really love this story, and a lot of stuff is going to happen, so I hope you guys stick with it! I think it’s going to be between 15 and 20 chapters, and I’m so excited!

Remember, feedback feeds the writer! Seriously, a reblog with a comment can honestly make my day - replies, likes and asks about my story makes me so happy as well, so please, let me know what you think!

I have to say a HUGE thank you to the wonderful @claitynroberts for being the best beta EVER.

MASTERLIST

The neighbor masterlist

Buy me a coffee! (and help me pay for food and getting my phone fixed!)

Pairings: Mechanic/AU-ish!Dean x reader

Warnings: a smudge of angst, language, a smidge of teasing

Q and A

I was still floored. Dean had left before the crack of dawn every day since our little make out-session in the bathroom, and he hadn’t come back before the stars had littered the sky. He seemed very keen to avoid me despite my efforts to actually talk to him. He was not having it.

It was like my antics had scared him off. Almost as if he was disgusted with me. I didn’t know what to say or do – he was gone all day, and he either didn’t want to open the door, when I was knocking, or he had fallen asleep. It was annoying and honestly, a little heartbreaking. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong or why he was avoiding me.He had fixed my car in record time, which meant I wasn’t riding with him anymore – one less way of seeing him, I guess

. I was wandering around in the bookstore, trying to organize the shelves as Charlie poured over a translation – I frowned as I saw a book I hadn’t seen before and flipped through the yellowing pages. This was weird.

“Hey, Charlie?” I walked towards the front-desk, still flipping through the pages.

She hummed in response before looking up from her Latin-translations, frowning as she saw the front of the book. “Huh. That’s new. I have no idea, what that is.” Taking the book from me, she laid it down on the table in front of her. “Damn, it’s Enochian. Do you---?” She trailed off, motioning to the writing on the pages.

I smiled and nodded. “Sure.” I flipped through the pages and landed on the first one, a small author’s note adorning bottom right corner.It was definitely not a part of the original book because it seemed to have been scrawled down hastily and with ink-splotches everywhere.

“How old do you think it is?” I mumbled, tracing the small note with my fingers.

Charlie shrugged. “I don’t know – it looks like it was written with ink and a quill, but who knows. It might be super duper old, or a knockoff.” She pointed to the scrawled note. “Can you translate that?” I nodded, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen, to begin my translation.

Ol zir a noco De Elo. Ol Trian Etahmezoda coredazodizoda oresa Das I oi Napeta. Ooaona Ge. Q Maelpereji Gahalana Iailpon.

I stared at the words, then looked to Charlie. “This seems… Well, honestly, I think we should handle this book very carefully.”

She frowned. “Why?”

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. “Well, you know Enochian is the language of the angels, right?” She nodded. “We can safely deduce, even without my translation, that it was probably written by an angel, right?” She nodded again. “Well…” I took a deep breath and read my translation out loud. “I am the servant of the lord. I am to protect man from pain. Do not read this scripture, or fire will burn.”

Charlie stared at me. “But… Wait, what?”

I shrugged. “Normally I’d take an angel’s warning pretty serious. We should try to get an angel here. Maybe someone will know who had this? Or wrote it?”

Charlie closed her eyes. “Damn. Damn, damn, damn. I never carry anything but bestiaries, spell-books and lore here. I’ve only had one book with Enochian and figured out through hard work – and the help of an angel – that it was a joke-book. Fuck.”

I frowned. “Why is this here, then?” She looked me in the eyes, and I could see a shimmer of terror behind them – she was terrified.

“I have no idea how it got here.”

I sighed and looked back at the book. The pages were yellowed and way heavier than normal parchment. A fleeting, disgusting thought ran through me:  is this made of skin?, before I slammed it shut. “Well, it says not to read it, so I’m doing just that.” I said and looked at Charlie. “I stand by that decision.”

We sat down a little past three o’clock with a cup of coffee. She eyed me suspiciously. “What’s going on with you? Ever since your master-plan you’ve been moody, riled up… Frankly, you’re in deep need for a little honky-tonk. No offence.”

I sighed and groaned. “Well, Dean kind of… Uhm… Ran out. After kissing me. He looked like he wanted to puke his guts out, honestly.” She frowned. “And since he ran out on me… Well, he’s been avoiding me like a whore would avoid a nun.”

She leaned back in her chair and took a sip of coffee. “That sounds super fucking bizarre.”

I frowned. “Why?” Sighing she put her coffee down. “Well.. Ugh, damn it. Okay, so…” She looked around in the shop, making sure the CLOSED sign was turned the right way.

“Okay, when we all moved here, I lived with Dean while he got the place in order. We got drunk… A lot…” I raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled. “Rough patch, dude. Anyway, when we did, we got around to talking about past relationships and all that jazz, which led Dean to talk about…” She looked at me, sighing gently . “You.”

I frowned deeply. “Me? Why?”

She cocked an eyebrow. “Dude, seriously?”

She looked me over and realized that I didn’t understand. “You’re the one that got away, my main dude. The reason he left you back then was because he was terrified. He was a scared 20-year old man who believed he was responsible for every single person he loved, dying. He was scared shitless you’d go down the same road, man. From what he told me, and from what I gathered, he never really stopped loving you, or feeling responsible for you. I think…” She downed the rest of her coffee. “That he freaked out when you kissed because he was terrified you’d die. That he’d lose you. I think it’s been easier for him to know you were alive but hating him, than it was knowing you and fearing for your life every day.”

We sat in silence, as I absorbed the words. This was insane. “But… We only knew each other for a few months. There’s no way.”

She cocked her head to the side and smiled knowingly. “Or is there a way? Judging by your hellbent escapades, it seems likely that he’s not the only one.” I frowned and sighed. She grinned. “Well, I think I’ve done my job here.” She said, getting up. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a hot date with a very hot Texan woman, who just so happens to look exactly like black widow. Toodles.”

I followed her out and got in my car, speeding way past the allowed limit to get home. I didn’t care what Dean wanted. I was getting answers, and I was about to get them right fucking now.

As soon as I parked the car, I was out and running up to Dean’s door, knocking harshly. “Dean, you motherfucker, you better open this door. I���m done with the little games, and I’m not going away any time soon. So strap in!” I kept knocking for ten minutes, and then…

“Fucking hell, Y/N, can’t you just leave a man alone!?” Dean had flung the door open and was glaring harshly at me. I sucked in a sharp breath. He looked damn beautiful – a pair of boxers hung low on his hips and he wasn’t wearing a fucking shirt, which only made it harder for me to stay mad.

“NO! You better start talking Mr. Kiss and run.” He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Alright, not my best. Whatever, let me in.” He sighed and gestured for me to go inside. I stormed in, sitting down on the couch and looked up at him expectantly. “So, I talked to Charlie.”

He groaned and rolled his eyes. “Damn it. She’s a chatterbox.” He sat down in front of me with a weary expression.

“Were you in love with me?” I blurted.

He sighed. “Yeah.”

I kept eye-contact with him. “Did you or did you not leave me after almost fucking me because you’re still in love with me?”

He grimaced. “That’s a loaded question.”

I frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry, do you want an easier one? How about… Did you leave me by myself when I was 17 because you were in love with me and scared you’d get me killed?”

He groaned. “Can’t you just start with the easy questions? Like… How’s your day been?”

I snorted. “Fuck you, Dean. You owe me this much. You’ve lied to me since I was 17, kept it up now, and you can’t even give me a straight answer. PLUS you ran out on me after I kissed you like you were going to vomit.” He groaned and got up.

“What do you want to hear? That I fucked up? Because I already know that part. Yeah, I was in love with you. Yeah, I was scared you were going to fucking die, so I think it’s fair to not want that happen. I ran out because I’m still fucking scared, Y/N. I’ve fucked up the world more times than I can count, I’ve died and gone to hell, I’ve been a fucking knight of hell,” He saw my expression and shook his head, “Not as cool as it sounds. I’ve been a dick and I know it. What else do you want to know?” He was pacing, his voice wavering. “Oh, sure, if I still wanted you? Like that’s even a fucking question. Have you looked at yourself? Of course, I do! I’ve wanted you since I was 20!”

I was quiet, a small smile tugging on my lips. He sighed as I got up, moving closer and closer to him until my fingers could touch his chest. “So… D… Last question.” His breath was ragged, and his eyes locked on mine. “Did you like my potato-peeling skills?” He grinned.

“Indeed, I did.” I grinned and ran a hand through his hair, leaning in a little – just enough for my lips to brush his. “Now… I think I’ll leave a man alone. It was what you wanted, wasn’t it?” I said, stepping away and walking briskly out of the door. He was standing stock-still, frozen for a fraction of a second, before he ran after me.

“Y/N!” He yelled after me, and I could hear his thundering steps running towards me. “Have a great day, D!” I shouted as I ran up the stairs, closing my front-door, giggling.

The footsteps came closer. Let the games begin.

TAGLIST: 

@wilde-abandon

@hiraethclaire

@linki-locks11

@blessedelua

@imma-winchester-addict

@ruprecht0420

@bernasaurus

@fanaticwritings

@squirrellover1967

@missbosstown

@trustnobodyshootfirst

@hobby27

@akshi8278

@wingedcatninja

@supernatural-idjit-95

@polina-93

@dean-winchesters-bacon

@andkatiethings

FOREVERLIST:

@supernaturalmagicfolk

@redeyedvixen

@al1y

@roonyxx

@heyitscam99

@sherlockstolemyname

@tayyfvck

@starletzombie

@jensenyourdeanisshowing

@linki-locks11

@pisces-cutie

@luciferspreciousbabygirl

@vickyfarley

[izzizander]

coming out

about four years ago I started to question if I might be transgender or not. about two years ago I changed my name to a more neutral one, because I never identified with my legal name. recently...I had a few long discussions with people who care about me and who have experience in dysphoria and questioning their identities... I’ve come to the conclusion that I am non-binary. and I hate it. I don’t want to be this ‘special snowflake’ label with special pronouns and wishy-washy expression.... But fighting myself on my feelings is so much harder.

I want to get a binder and wear it, and possibly pursue top-surgery in the future...should money/insurance not be an issue... I want to express myself more masculine than feminine but still wear makeup. ...I don’t want to force people to have to use ‘they/them’ on me, because some people -hate- to use singular they/them and I get it. It’s awkward. But I would rather that, than some weird hir/zir/xhe whatever... everything is difficult. I still don’t fully understand what non-binary means, what it feels like. I just know I’m not cis.

[yharnamsnewslug]

idk how to word this so i dont come across like an asshole, but could u please explain to me why u use neopronouns? i dont understand why anyone would prefer to use them considering how hard it is to get ppl to respect pronoun changes in the first place but especially when its with something that isnt already in common use

Because I’m not……….. binary. I’m a demiguy? Sorta? Not really? Like, demiguy is what comes closest but I’m pretty genderfluid and I feel the most comfortable using he/him and ze/zir. I hate using they/them or xe/xyr, I really really fucking do. Ze/zir and he/him are my pronouns. And if anyone has a problem with that, welp, it’s YOUR problem, buddy.

Don’t ever feel like you shouldn’t use neutral pronouns because it’s harder for everyone else. They’re YOUR pronouns, not anyone else’s. Enjoy them. Take them. They’re yours.

[dandymeowth]

Various screencaps of REGs telling people they can’t identify as queer and/or that queer is not an identity or isn’t real, all taken from this post. This is provided as part of evidence that, yes, acephobes/discoursers are absolutely saying we can’t be or use queer. Also, hey, check out how many of them are transmisogynistis, radfems, biphobes, transphobes, etc! and use a lot of anti-progressive/anti-sj language (like “identity politics”). It’s almost as if their rhetoric is related...

I have removed the REG usernames in the following captions to avoid their interacting with this post, and to slightly no-platform them. Anyway, they read:

bigballofwibblywobbly: Well you created an argument about something that wasn’t being talked about. I was talking about individuals who don’t identify as anything but queer.

Not saying we should apply it to the whole group. But you’re a terf so it all makes sense.

[REG/radfem 1]: queer isn’t an orientation??? its a reclaimed slur like god i love being a part of the lesbian gay bisexual transgender reclaimed slur for homosexual community. you’re an ace inclusionist ofc you want to reclaim slurs never used against you and think queer is a separate orientation. the lgbt community will never be the queer community or the ‘everyone that doesn’t completely conform to heterosexuality’ community lol

[REG 2]:  Yeah queer isn’t really a coherent identity in and of itself. I see “sapphic” being used in much the same way now. Like I understand that figuring out who you are is difficult and people may want to use words that are sort of? Vague and noncommittal? But queer quite honestly does not mean anything in the sense that as it’s own identity it says nothing really about who you are attracted to or your gender identity. It’s [post cut off at this point]

[REG 3]: That and its fucking vague as fuck? What does it even mean? So many non-LGBT people claimed that they’re LGBT bc they’re “queer”, when they’re just cishet polyamorous people or cishet kinksters or cishet aces or cishet aros or cis aroaces like…. that slur isn’t for u. And people who are LGBT but identify as q*eer are still LGBT? Why do u need a slur in the acronym if you’re either L G B or T? What’s the point? What does it add?

[REG 3]: Then you’d go under the bi umbrella Identity politics are so ridiculous jfc u don’t experience some new form of oppression and therefore need a community based around it just because you are mga but don’t like the label bisexual for urself.

[REG/radfem 4]:  “Queer” could mean that you are a guy who uses nail polish or that you have a turtle pet.What’s the point of this word?What does it represent?What’s your axis of oppression?What experiences do you share in common?What’s the fucking point of identifying as “queer” other than to pretend that you’re special and oppressed?

feminismandmedia: I love how you say that people who are attracted to multiple genders are pretending to be special and oppressed.

Fuck off you twit.

[REG/radfem 4]: Sexual attraction is about sex not gender.There are only 2 sexes so you’re either heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.It’s not that deep, trying to give a special name to your sexuality doesn’t make you opressed and it’s actually disrespectful to actually opressed people.

[REG/radfem 5]: You shouldn’t be identifying as q*eer freely without consequence because it’s a slur.

[REG/radfem 4]: Why are you oppressed?What’s the base of your oppression?How is society systematically aimed against you?If you’re actually oppressed why do you use such an ambigous and nebulous terminology with no concrete meaning to describe your community?Since it makes it harder to acknowledge you as an oppressed group? “Fam. I like all genders. I like dick and vagina too. I’m queer too” You’re bi, congrats, you may be affected by homophobia(oppression) if you date a same sex partner.“Oppression” is a strong and assertive word, you can’t just throw it around.

bigballofwibblywobbly: My god I hate TERFs. Fall off a bridge. Thanks.

Seriously? Do we now have a quota of oppression to fill? You want every dirty detail? You disgust me.

Also I’m not bisexual thanks.

[REG/radfem 4]: “Do we now have a quota of oppression to fill” Yes it is called being oppressed.I said that the person who said they liked dicks and vaginas is bisexual, not you. You hate us cause we’re right and you know it, I would hate us if I were you too. Just bc someone called you she instead of zir in the supermarked once doesn’t mean you’re oppressed Bethy, get your shit together.

bigballofwibblywobbly: I love how they erase my queerness to fit their argument.

[REG/radfem 4]: What am I erasing? Lmao, what’s “queerness”?You still haven’t answered what it means, bc it means nothing, it is a word made for straight kids feel special, a homobhobic slur actually.

bigballofwibblywobbly: My pal. I already said. I like all genders.

[REG/radfem 4]: …so you’re bisexual therefore only oppressed if you date a same sex partner like I said.

bigballofwibblywobbly: Wow. That’s some nice biphobia you have too. Bisexual people don’t become straight if they are in a relationship with the other gender.I’m not bisexual anyways.

(Also on that last one, calling being nonbinary a white thing? lol)

bigballofwibblywobbly: Well guess I don’t belong in the community. Congrats your gatekeeping has cut out people who like multiple genders. Top notch. Really.

[REG 6]: Aren’t there other words for liking multiple genders other than a slur?

[REG 7]: Um OP polysexual falls under the acronym without using a slur and is an umbrella term for multi-gender attraction….

Bonus under cut.

The following cap is a separate post made by a REG that is capped for no-platforming purposes and to prevent their interaction. It was shoved into the ace positivity tags because discoursers seriously just straight up hate ace people and don’t want them to exist. 

The post is about how “real” LGBT+ people hate the word queer and don’t identify with it except as a comeback, implying anyone who identifies with or uses it regularly is actually not LGBT+ and instead one of “the mogais”. It compares people reclaiming queer to white people using the n-slur and neurotypicals using the r-slur.

The post uses the phrase “cishets in denial” and I honestly think that truly encapsulates exactly how discoursers are seeing being LGBT+. 

It fits right along with that “if you are attracted to the opposite sex you’re not lgbt” post. 

It fits with the idea that more people are identifying as LGBT+ because it’s “trendy” and are actually fakes and liars, an idea spread and supported by cishets, truscum, anti-sj, radfems, etc. This comes as no surprise as MOGAI was coined by a nonbinary person, and that has been the driving force behind the hatred for it.

It also fits with how “sga” is pulled from conversion therapy because that’s literally how the people behind and supportive of the concept of conversion therapy look at being LGBT+: that it’s a phase, you’re just jumping on the bandwagon, you’re in denial, this isn’t the “real” you, etc. 

The post reads:

[REG 8]: Lol, seriously? There is no better way to show that MOGAI is made up of mostly cishets in denial than how heatedly they fight to use the word “qu**r”. If they paid fucking attention, they’d know that actual members of LGBT don’t really want to be called that, that most LGBT folks only use it to fight the balance of power that qu**r causes and that they aren’t going to cast away the history of the slur just because it’s supposedly a trendy umbrella term.

It’s the same way white people whine about their “right” to use “n*gga” when black people say no, or NT people claim “freedom of speech” when calling anyone and everyone “r*tard*d” despite decent human beings explaining why that’s fucked up.It’s so damn annoying…

danni-rants: And this is in ace positivity why again

queerautism: You heard it here first folks. Everyone who fought to reclaim Queer as an act of rebellion and empowerment… was actually cishet all along. Same for neurodivergent people who can’t be more specific than ‘queer’ about their identity. And everyone who keeps trying to turn it into a positive term and build a community around it. Also my nonbinary pan ace ass apparently lol

Simply Amazing.

[greatshell-rider]

1, 7, 15, 27, and 40 for as many as you can answer them for

slappin this under a read more cuz i love rambling about my favs!

1. what’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

tawa will find something to do. he is literally incapable of simply “doing nothing”. after even just a few seconds he’ll start picking at grass or poking his ear or idly think about a bird he saw this morning or whatever. perfectly sitting still and paying attention? that’s not in his vocabulary

washta can wait it out longer? if there is something/one to wait for. if there’s nothing nothing she is not gonna waste her time doing nothing and will get up to go do something productive. so, also can’t sit still with nothing to do for very long.

who else did i say. jerry! jerry’s fairly chill. in his character arc/story?? he’d rather have nothing to do lol

lani can sit still. she’ll be plotting tho

shadi is physically incapable of sitting still and doing nothing. no

cindy’s chill. ze’ll just sit and twiddle zir thumbs or whatever. that’s the farm life

sitting still? doing nothing? kilia would laugh at the very idea. unlike lani, she’s not plotting, she’s out there mcstabbin

7. what triggers nostalgia for them, most often? do they enjoy that feeling?

for tawa, anything from sunrises/sets to a flower to a mention of his best friend to a weird dream. anything even somewhat related to his past life/self is gonna send him back. that makes him moody/bit angry at where he’s at now so no he doesn’t particularly enjoy it

for washta, horse races/competitions, or hearing her tribe’s language, or going on a buffalo hunt. any activity that isn’t like,,,,,,,,,,,,,tied up with gods/spirits and crap, just normal everyday stuff she used to do as a kid/teen. she’s fond of those memories as long as she doesn’t think about her parents

jerry: chocolate, baseball caps, anything earth-related … . (he and lani travel through space and stuff but are from earth so) maybe like baking smells? bread, cookies?

lani doesn’t reflect on the past much, rarely if ever feels nostalgia for anything

shadi likes living in the present and also doesn’t reflect terribly much, but probs ponies and fishing will remind her of early childhood days with her father and mother

plants make cindy nostalgic, of zir days working the farm with zir parents, and ze’s fine/happy to think about that

flowers make kilia soft, ngl … she’ll enjoy it for as long as it lasts, then probably regret it rip

15. how do they speak? is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

tawa has never given a thought to what he’s gonna say a day in his life. if he thinks it, he says it, unless he’s scared/intimidated. he often speaks too loud, and he’ll stutter/trip over his words if he’s anxious/alarmed, and he can often sound whiny or rude.

washta’s not the biggest fan of talking, especially to people and especially especially people she doesn’t know or like, and if someone asks her something she’ll probably sigh before responding. she’s tired and done but also tries to be at least a little nice/polite to everyone. she often comes off as aloof, blunt, and just has a vibe of “lets get this over with–hello, yes, no, goodbye”. rarely rehearses things in her head

jerry has a half-filter. he can keep most thoughts/reactions in his head (cuz fears of being made of/bullied/being seen as stupid has made him shut up over the years) but they’ll be on the tip of his tongue and if he’s feeling emotions that day they’ll tumble out. even if he doesn’t say something, it’s probably written all over his face so what’s the point of being quiet, really

lani likes pretending to seductive but also is a gremlin and so is just annoying as heck. she doesn’t need to rehearse cuz her brain works fast enough to come up with the perfectly irritating snide remark for the perfect moment. she knows exactly how to prickle feathers and that’s her favorite hobby!

shadi has very very little filter, and she only puts it on for use when talking to Important Officials or whatever. otherwise, why not let the world/everyone know exactly what you’re thinking!

cindy rehearses everything everything everything. ze have never said anything without considering it from every angle actually

kilia doesn’t need to put much thought into her words cuz she’s just angry all the time? angry and ready to fight so that’s her response to everything … she’s curt, derisive, always down to sneer. and glare! why bother with words when you can just embed your hatred into your opponent’s skull with your eyes

27. what causes them to feel dread?

if tawa has to do anything he doesn’t want to he immediately wants to die, and will let you know that

just mention politics or washta’s family or even a high spirit to washta and she’ll start dissociating rip her. she’ll also repress thoughts of the future cuz eww who wants to think about that

don’t talk to jerry about his sister. whatever she’s done, he doesn’t want to know!!

lani doesn’t feel dread, only opportunity and exploitation

shadi hates drills, any activity that is just the same action over and over again without variety or interaction with others. if she knows she’s going somewhere/doing something that requires being quiet she’ll want to slam her head against a rock repeatedly and might just do that

cindy would rather die than have to play a part or dress a certain way or plaster on a smile any more than ze usually have to. hates feeling fake, ya feel? if ze don’t feel that they can be zirself in a situation, ze’s gonna hate it

kilia is not a morning person

40. how sensitive are they to their own flaws?

if you critique tawa in any way he’ll either, one, throw a fit, two, go into denial, or three, cry

washta’s aware of her shortcomings and harbors a lot of self-loathing already, don’t worry, no need to reminder her. she might throw you a glare if you bring up a flaw/mistake, but then probably sigh and agree with you, apologize if it’s caused mishap

jerry beats himself up daily over his flaws and hates it when people notice how he falls short. sometimes he’ll freeze up, afraid he’ll fail and everyone will know. no he doesn’t want to talk about it

lani is not sensitive at all and will either laugh or fix her mistake flawlessly this time. she’s very aware of how people dislike her and uses it to her advantage

shadi’s sensitive. does not like having flaws so she works hard to be the best she can be, and hates it when she still fails, but tries to keep a forgiving mindset for herself, cuz that’s what she does for others. so she might be sad/displeased if you mention one of her flaws, and then work harder to fix that aspect, but if you bring up someone else’s flaws?? she’ll fight you. how dare you be mean

cindy is aware that ze don’t fit in exactly and that can make ze uncomfortable around “normal” people but ze is also pretty fine with zirself and zir flaws, accepts the parts of zirself ze don’t like, and moves on.

killia does not care. she doesn’t care about others’ opinions about her and barely spares a thought toward perceiving herself

thanks for the ask!! this was a party