#it felt hella tone deaf

[z00r0p4]

Fucking insane that economists r saying that our unhappiness with an apparently healthy economy is our own damn fault because we are spending too much.

[namkooktyddys]

2. DISHONESTY

Three Days Ago

Author's P.O.V:

"I am so damn excited to see myself in that gown you know? The day is just 72 hours away and... And boom! My last name won't be Lee anymore! Like, do you even understand what I'm saying huh?...... Yeah yeah, come on now, I know Duri, being with your grandma is more important than my wedding now stop sulking. She's sick and you gotta care for her right? It's not like we can't catch up once I get hitched with him. I just wan-"

Walking into the dressing room you saw two people. You were stupefied by the sight. Your throat went dry the moment you saw the most unexpected scene in front of you.

Your fiancé cheating on you with your sister, Ha-Eun.

"....Y/N...? Are you on the line?....You still there?.... Y/N!?" Duri, on the other line was repeatedly calling for you but your ears went deaf seeing them desperately making out with each other. It was like the earth beneath your feet has slipped. Just to let them know that they have been caught, you make an apparent thud with your feet after making another obvious screech sound while you angrily pushed away the curtains of the dressing room.

"Why are you here?"

Without even sparing a glance, you turn around to leave the room. Of course it was hella disturbing - His face was buried into Ha-Eun's neck and her hands holding onto his hairs. Her chest was half bare and already had fresh hickeys and on the other hand, his belt and pants were undone.

Nothing could make you feel more worthless right now. Not your sister again making you feel inferior to her. She always had the best and now your marrier too.

You heard her leaving the room but didn't even care to have a look as you knew if she comes in front of you, your palms would already be kissing her cheeks.

"I told you I could pick up your gown myself and you don't have to come along" He came closer to you, fixing his plain black Ralph Lauren shirt. His eyes were yet fixed on his shirt, now focused on rolling his sleeves up, as if he was trying to hide his gaze from you. And why was his temperament so fucking calm as if he hasn't fucked up big time?

Oh! How badly your heart felt a pang on seeing him looking through his lashes, checking if you were 'mad' at what he did.

Surely, you were digging holes in his soul by staring at him with your teary eyes the whole time.

"That was accidental, Y/N."

The audacity to call the entire episode a mere 'accident'! Your blood was boiling as unlike earlier, he maintained a deep eye contact this time which showed no glint of remorse and the very moment you bitterly blurt out-

"Accidental I see... Did your pants accidentally slip off or you kissed her accidentally? Huh!!"

"Watch your tone you-" Your jaw was cupped painfully harshly while his left hand roughly pulled you towards him by your waist. He clenched his jaw in anger whereas his eyes were as devilish as a demon. How silly it felt to not have a control over your own body. You were beyond shocked to see this side of him. A man, all sweet, charming, cute and lovely 16 months ago, became as scary as a thunderstorm in a snap!

Being this close, you observed how the sides of his neck and jaw had light marks of lipstick and his body smelled exactly like that of Ha-Eun's.

You felt powerless, so damn feeble and fragile in his arms. No way you would reveal how weak and heartbroken you were because why? Why should you unveil it to him? You were strong and fierce and he shall know that. But your eyes were betraying you. A tear was already rolling down your cheeks and for a matter of second, his eyes held a glimpse of...guilt?

The said man leaned closer and placed his lips forcefully on the corner of yours.

How the fuck did you let him kiss you? You pressed your lips into a thin line to restrict him from going further. Pure disgust was crippling up through your whole body.

You loathe his touch now.

"BACK OFF KIM TAEHYUNG! DON'T YOU DARE TO TOUCH ME WITH THOSE BLOODY FILTHY HANDS!"

Gathering up your full strength, you hardly pushed him with the utmost force and wiped your lips with the back of your palm.

Taehyung let go of your figure walking back to a distance, and crossed his arms over his chest. You wanted to slap off that dirty, mocking chuckle that he just left. Fixing his hairs boldly, he took a few steps towards you.

"May I remind you, in two days, I'm gonna be your husband. Behave, Lee Y/N."

"I. AM. NOT. MARRYING. A. CHEATER."

You said looking into his eyes, pausing after each word to symbolise that you were adamant in your decision and your tone did sound firm but you were taken aback when Taehyung started chuckling insanely at what you just said.

His laughs immediately stopped and you furrowed your eyebrows. You were confused, a bit scared, furious, pissed off and emotionally drained and his actions were surprising you every second.

This is not the Taehyung you knew.

"Seriously, Y/N?"

Your name never sounded so nauseating from his mouth ever before.

He seemed really intimidating with that voice which went deeper than it was normally before.

Bending down to match your height, he again leaned closer but you backed off as an impulsive behaviour. He continued after licking his lips, "Our parents have invested millions of bucks in this wedding and you really think they're just gonna let you to blow it all?"

For a while, you gave a thought on what he said but again, your parents are not the one who is gonna spend the rest of their lives with him. You are the one who is going to.

Taehyung proceeded to grab a bridal veil from one of the mannequins placed around you. Clipping it onto the crown of your head neatly, he nonchalantly spoke, "You do not decide anything in your life, darling."

"I will get married for sure, but not with you."

All your sadness swept away. You sounded confident enough for the urge to get back, seeking retaliation was the only thought clouding your brain and mind right now. You were blinded by hate and also, your only motive was to either escape this marriage or prevent it from happening.

"Pft! Such a silly little girl. How will you find a groom in three days?"

"I don't have to explain you how, who, what, when, where. You are no one to me. No fucking one!"

For a matter of fact, your tone went a couple of octaves low and again Taehyung's face had that freaking mucky smirk which was irking each nerve in your body. You challenging him and the determination in you was giving him the desire to burst out in laughter.

"I am your fiancé and we are meant to get married really very soon honey. You know that well. Isn't it?"

Putting both his hands inside the pockets of his pants, he stood straight, taking a good look at your whole figure from head to toe and smiled cunningly.

A game of intense stare was going on between you both and Taehyung was the one to break it first. He turned his back at you to leave the room for the best and walked towards the exit.

His figure was seemingly decreasing in size as he neared the exit but his words were ringing loudly in your ears.

"See you at the altar, Ms. Le-... No!.. Soon-to-be Mrs. Kim."

___________________________________________________________

Author's Note:

Don't worry, I won't make him as bad as you are thinking. Our TaeTae is such a pure soul. One of the best 7 Bois to exist! 😩💕

[queen-of-love-and-beauty]

SVU 26x03 felt so…pointless?

Not only was it tied up with a bow so neatly but it rang so tone deaf and like just an excuse to bring Rollins back.

the writers really expect me to care about a victim who is hella rich and has all the means to heal? I’m not saying I don’t feel bad but I def won’t lose any sleep about the super skinny chick with the rich husband who can afford to have 10 million dollars worth of gold in a safe. Because she won’t have to go back to the same place she was assaulted in. She definitely can afford therapy AND can escape her circumstances. If they were trying to make the point that trauma happens to everyone, they did it in the wrong economy.

Also the fact that he never got called out on how fucking stupid that whole thing was is wild.

And also, what’s up with the writers’ obsession with the bad guys being Albanian? 🤣

[firelord-frowny]

ok i have a 70% serious question omfg

is there any possible way to ask/suggest that someone who's unskilled at a thing to stop trying to give ~helpful advice~ to someone who's highly skilled without sounding rude/dismissive/arrogant/etc??

omfg like

there is a Particular Person who STAYS commenting on some of my violin stuff with absolutely wrong and useless bullshit like ~remember, you don't need to press super hard on the string for pizzicato~ which is just?? BLATANTLY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY FALSE AND LITERALLY ANYONE WHO'S A HALFWAY DECENT PLAYER KNOWS THIS, but overconfident ~amateurs~ be parroting that shit all the time because it's what beginners are taught so they don't put too much strain on their joints/ligaments/muscles/tendons before they've built up enough strength and endurance to handle it long-term. And most of these overconfident amateur players, I guaranfuckingtee you, continue to believe that ~beginner~ technique is Correct In All Circumstances, hence why they never improve, hence why they confidently butcher difficult pieces, hence why they feel perfectly empowered to go forth and ~teach~ other amateur players the same bad techniques and false information.

and i legit find myself feeling angry??? when some such person, in all their mediocre glory, posting all their lil videos of themselves being loud and wrong as they butcher a piece that's HELLA above their paygrade and play not one single note in tune or even with good tone quality, shows up on MY demonstration of a properly executed technique with some ~It Helps If You [thing that doesn't help]~

so far i just have been ignoring those kinds of comments but given that i have a really fucking personal beef with shitty players who are even shittier teachers who con people into paying them money to teach them, there's a bigass part of me that wants to call them out directly and suggest that they actually go and learn a fucking thing or two about legitimate violin technique before they have the goddamn gall to go tossing unsolicited ~advice~ at Actual Professionals, LET ALONE taking people's money to ~teach~ them all that Wrong Bullshit.

but despite my upsetness and my desire to make shitty teachers aware of what they need to improve on before they should feel comfortable taking anyone's money, i'm ALSO hellaaaaaaaa non-confrontational and am averse to initiating any kind of interaction that seems like it may result in a soured relationship or hurt feelings or just cause someone to look at me in a negative light on account of me being, idk, elitist or arrogant or condescending.

i just

want!

to be able to tell someone directly that their entire understanding of violin technique is based on the most basal, rudimentary aspects of beginner technique and is not just inadequate for, but also damaging to the pursuit of learning advanced technique, and that they're doing everyone who ever has a ~lesson~ with them an AWFUL disservice and are undoubtedly setting them up for total failure and that the fact that they even felt comfortable trying to offer ~technical suggestions~ to a player who is blatantly LIGHTYEARS beyond their skill level is a glaring and troubling indicator that they truly have absolutely no genuinely useful knowledge or understanding about classical music full stop - not just as it relates to violin technique. (bc let's be real, if you play SO BADLY that exactly 0 notes are in perfect intonation and your string crossings are jacked the hell up and your left-hand-articulation is a weak, garbled SHITSHOW and you somehow still manage to think you're doing it right, you're not just a bad player - you're also very probably tone deaf, and definitely have shitty taste, and your musical deficiencies are way more profound than just being a poor violinist.)

but all those words sound mean no matter what order i put them in or what synonyms i swap shit out for :(

[mysteriousangels]

Solo Para Felix: Tower

Felix was an asshole, he knew it, his sisters knew it and he honestly didn't give two shit about it because he trusted them. But at this moment Felix felt hella guilty about his actions of course this had nothing to do with what he said online, he was right and he knew it. He may have been a bit unrefined in the way he said things and slightly tone-deaf but he was right. What he actually felt guilty about was abandoning his sister and letting her go off to Hyson's place alone. He was tracking her, of course, but at the same time, he worried about her and hadn't been answering her frequent calls. At times like this, he was glad Hannah wasn't as observant when it came to matters like this with him or Ruby, he didn't need his other sister trying to track him down.

Felix walked through the forest and made his way to the familiar tower that he visited with Paranoia, a bridge he burned as soon as she came after Ruby for something he did. He stood in front of the tower and sighed. "There's no way a tower like this stayed hidden even now without there being magic involved. No one will take up anything I give them so I'll give it to one of the others when I get back."

Felix went inside the tower and blocked off the hidden entryway with the rocks on the ground. He started his search in the room that he found out had magic. He had been frequenting the room ever since they found out about it and he read every book on the shelves but he never bothered to explore more than that until today. He carefully pulled out a drawer under the bed and looked through the items that were there. It all looked ancient while some of the stuff looked new but in the end, he determined that everything in there was useless to him.

He walked around momentarily taking in all his mother's work over the years that she was stuck there. He had never actually taken the time to look around the place or even enjoy seeing this side of his mother. He knew this was a prison to her but at one point she did feel like it was home and loved it. As he picked up one of the books, a small blue light caught his attention from his peripheral vision. He slowly got up and walked towards the light curiosity killing the cat. When Felix got a closer look at the light it had come from a bottle of liquid that changed red in his presence when he stood in front of it. "This is a big red flag but why is this here now." He asked himself not intending to even touch the stuff but his hand moved on its own and he drank all of it before it could register what his body has done. Felix dropped the bottle as he panicked about drinking the random liquid.

"Two fuck ups in one night, that gotta be a record." He joked to himself as he immediately got a headache and his vision blurred. He stumbled away from the table that held the bottle and leaned on a stack that he accidentally knocked over with his weight. He fell to the ground hitting his head as everything went black.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

BFCD Reviews By Nesha || The Purge Franchise

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to my experience with my Purge marathon this month, for October purposes. We could glide by the first one, since there is literally one Black woman in it and she’s there for like, a few minutes, or whatever. BUT. Since there were prominent Black female characters elsewhere in the franchise, I decided to just put all of my thoughts into one long post. (Only covered the movies 1-3, because that’s all I watched)

This essentially started whenever I saw this post that asked for POC thoughts on the representation in The Purge. I was already considering reviewing it, but that pretty much was like my little push. Then, I was in the comments or whatever, and just don’t think that I had the time at the moment to really state my thoughts in a comments section, particularly while I was only two movies in. Basically, long story short, if there is ever a story about POC, especially in stories where injustice is a major plot point - if there are characters of color, there need to be writers of color. If there are characters of color and no writers of color... Just know that them white people fucked it up. Sometimes it’s okay, because sometimes, they got a friend of color or something and have watched a few documentaries. Lol. Idk if this man who wrote this franchise know any Black people outside of work. 🤷🏾‍♀️

And the usual disclaimer, since we back OUTSIDE! You say you outside but you ain’t that outside. I’m outside of my fandoms in this department, and these things tend to bring the fandoms to me because I stepped foot in their things. Disclaimer for somebody who stumbled across this post because of the fandom tags - I am an independent partaker of this content, not “part of the fandom,” and my audience in particular is NOT for everybody. SO: If you may have been criticized in the past for casual racism, tone deafness to Black women’s concerns or accused of misogynoir or antiblackness, leave now. If you don’t like cussing, AAVE, general ratchetness and mean lesbian energy, you too might wanna go. A bitch can be eloquent, but I type like I talk, at times, so it is what it is and I don’t curate for kids, dudes, or nonblacks. That’s just what that is.

The Purge

I initially watched this movie whenever it first was out (more like whenever it was out of the theaters, so not at the very beginning of it’s existence, but pretty dang close). I watched it at my older sister’s house. I wasn’t interested in it. Whenever I heard the premise, I thought it sounded pretty dope, but then I saw Ethan Hawke, and so I was willing to pass. One thing I’ma do is pass on an Ethan Hawke movie without a second thought. So. I didn’t plan on watching it, but my sister put it on at her home one night and that’s her TV, so I wound up seeing the thing.

Wasn’t impressed with the movie, overall. It came out at a time where I was very invested and involved in Black activism and the movie read like someone who had read a few white liberal articles on politics and then made a lil’ movie about the horrors. It felt extremely tone deaf in some areas, and like the point it was trying to make was not being properly communicated. 

BUT THEN, I noted that many of the white people I knew personally felt very into it and I decided, “Oh, okay. It was meant for them. It was to communicate things that we already know to these people who have often always been able to live without having to know or think about these things. I’m including this interaction with someone in the fandom, on the post linked above, to clarify:

So. To me, this family read as conservative. They could be moderates. I definitely could see it. They put their flowers out to show that they support the purge, but then whenever it comes down to it, they don’t actually have it in them to support it in full. But. I feel like there are so many conservatives like this as well. 

I’m from Texas. Southeast Texas, to be exact. Right by the Gulf of Mexico, right by Louisiana. I have hella conservatives surrounding me who were “nice” people. They love their families, however that looked, and didn’t actually go out to klan rallies or anything, but they support law enforcement and make excuses for these “great institutions” in our nation, and in Texas. Now... They wouldn’t be likely to actually shoot me down dead without a second thought like the police would, but they would support the police force, despite them doing such things. This is how the main family reads, to me. 

The writer though? Felt like someone on the other side. The ones who will gladly raise awareness to help the less fortunate, but if they had to do even a step more than that, they would not have the energy. The story read like a person - who puts BLM in their profile, but doesn’t really even know any Black people, much less help them - telling a story about how maybe, under the right (or very wrong) circumstances, their white counterparts could see the light about humanity. 

I was glad to see that brotha survive, but beyond that, this was not a movie for me or mine. It isn’t a movie that outside of this marathon I will watch again either. Now, the second one, to me, was more empathetic.  It was like if the writer heard feedback and decided to clarify and expound on what message the story was giving, and opened up a doorway to a broader audience.

The Purge: Anarchy

We followed characters around who knew what was up and were just trying to do their best. Instead of following people who were part of the problem like we did in the first movie, we followed people who were more likely to be affected by those in power who were the problem. They even went so far as to cast leads who are biracial Black women as part of the ensemble that we take this journey with. 

Yes, like the first one, they’re still shown as targets of the problem, but they also are shown as survivors too, and while there is still an undertone of white saviorism, as there also was in the first movie, it isn’t a cut and dry white savior story. It is a group of people who need help through an impossible life in an unfair world, and how each of them does their best, not only to live, but to look out for their loved ones, and eventually each other. It is really the type of story that I would have wanted from a world like this, and I would have wanted evidence that there were people who could somehow make the best of it all. 

Nobody don’t do that like Black people. One of our main identifiers is how we make lemonade out of lemons, so there was good visuals in who they selected to follow through this story and I thought the end was BEAUTIFUL. To see the brotha done not only survived last time, but he done started working to give power to the powerless? Loved that for him. Loved that Our Good Sis nem made sure to have the man’s back who had theirs in the beginning. It was a well told story for such a horrifying state of things.

The Purge: Election Year

I don’t know what happened here...

This movie was not good. At the end of the day, I think that they needed Black people, preferably ones who know about community work, politics, and such to assist them in trying to write these characters.

They gave you more POC in this story... They gave you more access to the ones standing up to the corrupt power system. But, then they sort of sullied it with this idea that to rise up is to be as bad as those who LITERALLY use their power to eradicate you and have the means and malice to do it. 

White liberal knucka strikes again with a heavy hand in false equivalencies of an organization that had to be created in order to help and protect the most vulnerable people in these disgusting times with actual white supremacists. The white supremacists were a seen, real, force trying to eliminate the one person who wanted to make changes, from a place of power.

Enter the White Savior Trope that they were flirting with last movie, and amplify that bitch. This movie was so damn annoying with the thought of this white woman being the only hope that the people had, when the brotha had been tearing through the Purge purists’ shit for years. (He finally got him a name this movie too). But, my point is. There is no better way for you to get me to roll my eyes and smack my teeth than to try to paint some white as the only hope, and in THIS particular story, it’s especially heinous, because there was already some hope in the niggas evening the field a little bit by exterminating some of the high profile people and hitting their fancy events.

What this movie did was that, and even worse, they shoved down my THROAT that these negros with guns were just as bad, and somebody in there had the audacity to have the main negro say at one point, “Now, I love Black people, but I’m not letting you shoot these good white folks. These our white folks” while those people were in the process of trying to thwart an operation that could eliminate one of the worst of the purge pushers who had ALREADY tried to kill them PERSONALLY! WHY??? WHO BUT SOME HONKEY OR SOME COON WOULD WRITE THAT AND BE SERIOUS??????????? 

HUGE. STEP. DOWN. From the trust that they built with me as a Black viewer in the previous movie. I thought perhaps that there might be another increase in awareness and quality, like there was between the first and second movies. There was not. Not for my Black ass. I didn’t even watch it in one sitting, and was ready to end my trek through the franchise. I was that irritated by the complete and utter audacity, in a universe like this, in a situation like this for THAT. What SHOULD have happened, if it wasn’t some white nonsense, was everybody shoulda told that white lady what the brotha was tryna tell her and get the white people to sit down and shut up and get out the way, because come 7:00, THEY were gonna fucking be safe again! EVEN IF this white bitch is the only fucking hope in this universe, what she was gon’ do? Wave a wand and make it so? 

These people were supposed to just wait for you to have the right pieces in order to possibly help them, when they KNOW FOR SURE, one of they problems can end, right now today, by blowing this dude brains out? GOOFY. This is goofy. This was the height of too white for me to personally enjoy. Especially because people who tend to say shit like, “Then, you’re no better than them” usually haven’t gone through nothing. This hoe went through the purge. Shit killed her whole family. She was almost assassinated TONIGHT, multiple times, and the minute. THE VERY MINUTE she realized that these people who HELPED HER were going after her opponent, her main focus was how SHE couldn’t win like that. BITCH, THIS IS THESE PEOPLE’S LIVES. FUCK YOUR WIN.

AND, WHO THE FUCK PUT THIS LADY IN CHARGE??? They already have an entire operation that they had to do with not one spec of help from the great white hope, and they have been doing there best and helping people. They have been about it, while she has spoken about it. And then suddenly, folk all gather to crowd and protect her and why is everybody in this movie priority to protect her? This is not my ministry. Hated it, for all of that. Some other POC might have liked it, oh no baby, not my Black ass. I was cussing all they asses out through them shenanigans. Fuckin’ up the church’s money.

“This is no longer an assassination. It’s a rescue mission.” IT COULD BE BOTH! UGH. HATE THIS GODDAMN BULLSHIT. “We can’t be like them.” YOUR LIFE LITERALLY IS NOT GOING TO BE SHIT TOMORROW, LADY, FUCK YOU! And she’s like... getting in his way as they’re tryna move out, talking through him through the door when he has this decision to make. Quite frankly, I think she’s a piece of shit specifically for getting in the way of this group killing that man. She’s just the “lesser of two evils,” who STILL does not have these people’s best interests at heart, and it is not clear if the writer knew this or actually believed in her policies. Judging from the way this story has always read as white liberal bullshit, I think it’s a writer issue, and not that her character is this way on purpose.

AND THEY KILL MY NIGGA! They gave us the optics of the main Black character getting gunned down by Nazis. And the one white hero whose entire mission this movie is to save the white woman is the one we get to see defeat the main Nazi. Who, as I said, had just killed the longest running Black character in the franchise, who only even got a name THIS movie, even though it’s his third appearance in the franchise. The other main negro jump in front of the white woman to give us the Sacrificial Negro Trope that I had a sneaky suspicion would occur in this movie. I just didn’t know which one they was gon’ do it too. But I knew. I felt it in my spirit that this was the type of writer who would employ that representation. Girl, fuck this movie. No lol. 

The first hour and a quarter are tolerable, then it just shits itself. I actually went to try to see if there was some shuckin’ & jivin’ ass nigga behind the scenes that for whatever made them think this was okay, but nope - white people were responsible, and it SHOWS. Powered through the last half hour on principle. Don’t know if I wanna continue. There are so many horrific things that I can watch that I will probably love out there.

Not only was this the worst movie in the franchise, but this is one of the worst movies that I have seen recently. I’d advise the Black people with interests similar to mine not to waste your time. I would punch this man in his face for writing this movie, if I could. Whew. Well, niggas and friends... idk if Auntie Nesha will be finishing this franchise, but even if I do, at MOST, I’d do a “Nesha Watches” and liveblog it. This shit got my equilibrium fucked up. 

[dumdumsun]

Forever and Never

A/N: Enjoy ❤️

Warnings: mentions of marijuana and rape

Word Count: 2493

—————————————

Five: The Beauty That Is Stanley Barber

“And after I found out what happened, I became kinda cold towards him…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That Monday, I had felt like absolute shit. I had never gotten that drunk before, that I guess I was still recovering from Ricky’s party. I hadn’t remembered much of anything other than dancing, kissing Stan, and being alone with Ricky. My mind went blank once that door locked. It truly angered me that I let myself get intoxicated enough to lose my virginity to the one person I wanted to keep it away from, but that was just the story of my life. I hadn’t spoken to anyone since then, not wanting my headache to increase by staring at a phone screen. When Pam got home, she only tutted at me as a ‘told you so’ before proceeding to baby me for the entirety of Sunday. I hadn’t complained, not for a second. In her care, I almost forgot what it was like to be swarmed by my overbearing school body. Walking into school that Monday instantly shifted my mood. The overlapping conversations, the constant bumping into everyone, countless greetings I didn’t bother to return. I just rubbed my temples and sped down the hall. Almost at my locker, I heard a familiar voice call out to me. It was too familiar to ignore, so I turned to find Dina, standing at her locker with a friend. She whispered something to her companion, leading them to smile at us both and walk away. Her eyes assessed me as I approached her, leaning against her neighboring locker. She chuckled and crossed her arms. “Well, someone is still fucked up.”

“Yeah, I feel like shit,” I mumbled. “Is Ricky looking as bad as I am?”

“No,” Dina frowned in confusion. “He was nowhere near as drunk as you.”

Despite its protest, I snapped my head up to attention. “Huh? Yeah, he was. We were both shitfaced.”

“I’m telling you, (Y/N), Ricky was tipsy for, like, half an hour. He had been looking for you once he sobered up.”

My heart dropped to my stomach as my mouth dried up. Pushing myself off of the locker, I turned and walked away, my head too foggy to hear Dina calling after me. He can’t and won’t do that to you again, (Y/N). That’s what I told myself right before entering that party.

Well, he did. And he did so much worse.

Ricky wouldn’t do that without consent, right? He was so respectful towards me, he was patient with me.

He never was patient when it came to sex. That’s why I avoided him in the first place.

My breathing was labored, my vision was clouded by tears, my mind went haywire. Ricky raped me. I got drunk and I isolated myself in a room with him. A locked room. He knew what he was doing. As I passed the girls’ bathroom, I saw a familiar blur of curls, but my mind forced my legs to keep moving. I caught onto the last bit of what he was saying to me.

“-- doing okay? How are you feeling?” When I didn’t respond, he sighed. “Why is no one talking to me today…?”

Maybe it was his defeated tone, maybe it was the fact that I trusted him most, but without a second thought, I grabbed Stan by the wrist and dragged him around the corner. I led him under the stairs and stopped when we were consumed in darkness. I opened my mouth to tell him, but where do you even start with this? My hands flew to my mouth to muffle the broken sob that escaped. Stan stiffened at the sound before ducking his head to search my face. “(Y/N)? Hey, talk to me. What happened?”

“S-Stan, Stan, I… Me and Ricky had sex at his party.” I shakily whispered. His brows furrowed, and I noticed an eye twitch, but he slowly nodded for me to continue. “B-But… But I-I just t-talked to Dina and s-s-she said that Ricky wasn’t even drunk. I-It was just me, Stan, it was just me.”

“Shit, (Y/N)...” He whispered and let me fall into his chest. I always felt safe in Stan’s presence, in his arms, and he was usually who I turned to if I ever wanted to spill out my feelings to someone. “I-I’m so sorry… Hey, hey, do you wanna go home? I-I can take you home, Nugget.”

“No, I don’t wanna go home.” That was a lie, but Pam and David were sure to be notified if I had missed any classes.

“Well, then… tell me what to do. Do you want me to kick his ass? I’ll kick his ass for you, I swear to god, (Y/N)-”

“No, don’t fight him,” I sniffled. “He’ll beat the shit out of you.”

“Hey…”

“Sorry,” I hiccupped and let him brush my tears from my cheek ever so gently. “I’m so pissed… Like, that was my first time? I didn’t get to even consent to my first time?”

“You know, I heard that if you didn’t consent, it doesn’t count. So… you don’t have to worry about that.” Strangely, his awkward approach at comforting me was what prevented me from curling into myself and spiraling. That had been a gift of his.

Pulling away, I noticed a mark on his face. When I reached up and gently brushed my thumb across the bruise on his eye, he flinched back. “W-What happened to your eye?” When he hesitated, I knew immediately. His dad was home.

“Don’t worry about it,” He mumbled, holding my hand in his. “I just wanna worry about you right now… Because this whole situation is so fucked up. Are you sure you don’t want me to fight him?”

“Well, I want him to get hurt, but not by you.” I tried a smile, but it fell immediately. With a huff, Stan wrapped his arms around me yet again and pulled me against him, letting the sounds of our fellow peers take over.

-------------------------------------------------

“As the temperature increases, if an atom loses one or more electrons, it becomes oxidized!” When Mr File realized his exclamation fell upon deaf ears, he faltered. “Uh… Yeah, okay. Goggles up. Bunsen burners on, and please, please, please, nobody burn down the school.”

Stan carefully watched me as I slapped my goggles onto my face. His hand held mine under the table, causing me to turn to him. “Hey, Nugget, I need to talk to Sydney. Are… you gonna be okay if I-”

“Go ahead.” I whispered, my eyes never leaving him. Ricky was only a table away, and I watched as Stan checked him before giving me a nod. When he turned around to talk to Syd, I felt unsafe. I felt exposed. I felt open to Ricky. My shoulders tensed as I took a deep breath, trying to focus on my work. I felt Stan’s hand on my shoulder as he leaned in close.

“I’ll be right back, I won’t leave you.”

“I know.” I nodded, allowing him to leave the table and follow Syd. My table mate asked if I could hand her the test tube with the blue liquid. I hoped to god she didn’t notice my hand trembling as I reached out to pick it up. Ricky was looking at me. I could feel it. His eyes bore into the side of my face and my hand wouldn’t stop shaking and my table mate was looking at me oddly and-

“Hey! Where are you-”

“Bathroom!”

The sudden exclamations from Sydney and Mr File snapped me out of my daze, my hand naturally letting go of the test tube. Both my classmate and I yelped as the liquid spilled across our table. We stood as our teacher quickly gathered paper towels.

“Shit, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I apologized profusely as I felt someone tug me away from the table. The gentle touch informed me that it was Stan and I was safe. He turned me to face him, and I felt hot tears prick the corners of my eyes.

“It’s okay, Miss (Y/L/N). Did any of it get on you?”

“Yes, it got all over me! I have to go!” The warm touch of Stan’s hands slid from my shoulders as I raced out of the classroom. I gasped aloud when I felt Ricky touch my arm.

“Babe, are you-”

“No!” I shouted at him, ripping the door open and dashing down the hall. My heart pumped in my ribcage as I flew down the stairs, hiding in the same place Stan and I were that morning. My knees pulled into my chest as my hands clutched my head.

Calm down, (Y/N)... Calm the fuck down. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts, (Y/N).

Memories of my dad, of Jacob, of Stan flashed through my mind. My dad and I engaging in a tickle fight. Jacob practically flinging me around his bedroom to the beat of his favorite song. Stan using his comb as a microphone, pointing to me as we belt out the lyrics to some 80’s song blasting throughout his bedroom. The flat of my chest wasn’t heaving as much as I leaned against the wall. I felt safe, I felt calm.

Then I felt a hand on my wrist.

Gasping out, my head snapped up and my gaze focused on Stan. His eyes were searching my face, his hand left my wrist, but hovered close. “Do you… want a hug…?”

I was safe again. “Please.”

The rest of my day consisted of ignoring Ricky and staying under Stan’s protection. I didn’t eat lunch, despite his insisting, I almost had two more panic attacks when Ricky found me alone, and my throat was sore from holding in sobs for hours. In the end, I made it. When I came home, I locked myself in my bedroom and called my dad. He wouldn’t have to know about everything, but it would have filled my heart with so much relief if I could at least hear his voice. The dial droned once, then twice, thrice, and a fourth time before it went to voicemail.

“Please leave a message at the tone.”

My tears spilled over once I heard the high-pitch beep. “D-Dad, hey… Uh, it’s (Y/N)... U-Um… I-I’m not having a good day today, and I know you’re probably hella busy, but I just… I really need to talk to you today. So, please call back as soon as you get this. Please. I-I love you.” And with a shaky breath, I hung up. Three soft knocks averted my attention to the door, where Jacob had just entered.

“Hey, Bug…”

“H-Hey…”

“Do you… maybe wanna watch some movies with me? Your pick.”

“That sounds really great, Jake, but not tonight. I’m just, uh… wanting to be alone.”

“I get it. Totally get it,” He nodded and backed out of my bedroom. “Just know that if you change your mind, I’m down the hall and very willing to drop everything.”

I only nodded as he closed the door. I hadn’t trusted myself enough to spend dinner with the family, so I laid in bed and tried my best to fall asleep. But it wouldn’t come. I was too occupied by my thoughts, too alert. It was honestly stressing me out to the point that I ironically began falling asleep once the sky faded into night. Just as my eyes drooped, I heard a soft tap on my window. I wanted to ignore it but it happened again. And again. And again until I heard a tap that could’ve cracked the window. Jumping up from my bed, I rushed over to find Stan. He had one hand full of small rocks, the other ready to launch. Of course, he stopped upon seeing my form at the window. He dropped the rocks and waved with both his hands. Softly chuckling, I slid my window up. “What?”

“Wanna go for a drive?” He loudly whispered.

“Hell yes.”

I didn’t realize how much I missed Stan until we were on that drive. With his windows down, soft rock music gracing our ears and the wind blowing in our hair, I was brought back to the summer. When we’d spend the day in this car, cruising around Brownsville. We had not a care in the world. We lived in bliss, only with each other for company. Selfish with each other’s time. I had him all to myself those days. As I looked over at him in that moment, I couldn’t help but grin. The curls on his forehead were now leaning with the wind as his fingers tapped to the beat of the song on the steering wheel. He looked so pretty like this, the moonlight kissing his pale skin just right. He was so beautiful and he didn’t even know it. He glanced at me from the corner of his eyes, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “W-What?”

“Nothing, just… I’m happy to be here.”

Later on, we parked in the middle of an empty grocery store parking lot. Reclining the seats all the way back, we let our legs drape outside the car window. In that moment, everything felt perfect. The sweet melody of Vanilla Skin rang throughout my ears as the sound of Stan’s lighter flicking accompanied the night critters’ chirping. This was everything I needed. Bloodwitch, a joint, and Stan by my side. It took us only twenty minutes for our highs to kick in, but this time, it was different. We weren’t stupidly laughing. It was comfortably quiet between us. I suppose we both had our own battles we were fighting that day because at the same time, we both inhaled deeply and soundly exhaled.

“Stan, why isn’t every guy like you?” I quietly asked. He looked over at me with furrowed brows.

“Huh?”

“I mean, why can’t they just be patient? And considerate? And just naturally sweet people? Why can’t they do something for a girl without wanting something else in return…?”

“Why can’t every girl be like you?” He sighed as I reached my arm in the air, fingers grazing the top of his car. “Why can’t they understand that I’m here to help?” He reached his hand up towards mine. “That I wanna help?” Our fingertips touched. “That I love helping?” And our fingers interlocked. Slowly, our joined hands rested in between our bodies, our heads simultaneously turning to each other.

“I don’t know… maybe we’re not meant to meet other people like ourselves…”

His mouth quirked up in a hesitant smile before he leaned closer. I met him in the middle in yet another kiss. I knew that after, we wouldn’t speak of this. We’d reset and go back to normal so that Stan could keep trying with Sydney. I knew he wasn’t mine, that I wasn’t his. But-

Just let me have this.

—————————————

Taglist: @nate-hargreeves @sapphicsyn @stqnley @lonely-kermit @juliet-doesnt-give-a-fuck @moatsnow

[hangmanshole]

here comes santa claus

A/N: there’s no point in sugar coating this….. it’s pure unadulterated sheer horniness for ryan bergara in his santa costume.

word count: 1.6k+

warnings: 18+ !!!! smut to come in part 2, enough swear words to rival a 10 year old who just learned the word fuck, horny xmas pickup lines that wouldn’t be out of place in a cheesy xmas porno

with christmas fast approaching and your ebenezer scrooge vibe stinking up the loft you shared with your best friends, they finally lost all patience and took it upon themselves to drag your grumpy ass out of the comfort of the loft and into the car for some good old-fashioned retail therapy at the mall.

“but—“

“shut up, you’re going shopping and you’re gonna love it. maybe you could even buy a vibrator and go to town on yourself so you stop being such a cunt.”

“tell me how you really feel,” you grumbled, lowering into your seat so you were at the optimal position for window gazing.

—————

“bergara, you’re late… again” steven tsk’ed in annoyance, he wasn’t getting paid enough to deal with ryan’s shit, and also, he fucking reeked of stale beer. he was pretty sure the stain on his costume was also beer, or beer adjacent (enter whisky).

“better late than never, now let’s make some fucking wishes come true, huh?” he rubbed his hands together mischievously and walked out to his spot on santa’s throne. yeah. steven definitely wasn’t getting paid enough for this shit.

“HO HO HO BOYS AND GIRLS ITS ME, SANTA!” steven sighed, shook his head and plastered a smile on his face before running out to his position as head elf.

——————

“fellas i’ve changed my mind, i’m ready to get in the holiday spirit” you said in an attempt to declare a truce, maybe it wasn’t too late to back out of this.

“not only are you a grinch, but you’re also a goddamn, dirty liar. you need this” your best friend retorted, not at all impressed. you think you need new friends, this one’s defective and can call all your bullshit.

you sighed in defeat and allowed them to drag you through the entrance of the mall for what would be a torturous five hours of christmas shopping.

——————

“santa’s going to take a quick break, and then he’ll be right back! everybody say bye santa!” steven said to all the children and their accompanying parents while ryan stumbled out of his throne and back into the dressing room (tent).

steven pulled back the door to the tent and found ryan chugging straight from a whisky bottle that was nearing empty.

“nice one santa, maybe try not to fall on your ass this time. i can only say santa’s a bit clumsy because he can’t see over his beard so many times.”

“yes dear, i’ll be a good boy from now on” ryan replied in a drunken stupor.

“jesus christ, is that bottle from today?” steven asked, ignoring ryan’s smartass comment.

“you bet your sweet ass it is.”

steven sat in weighted silence as ryan chugged down the rest of the whisky bottle. the uniform he had to wear was unbearably itchy, not to mention thick (which makes him sweaty), and worst of all, he had to babysit ryan through the rest of the holidays. he was disgruntled to say the least - what was usually his favourite time of year was soured because his best friend was broken-hearted over a friends with benefits situation gone wrong, thus drinking himself into a fucking hot mess while he was meant to be lying about the miracle of christmas to gullible, doe-eyed children while their parents paid for their kid to sit on the lap of a stranger. happy fucking holidays.

he glanced at the clock, and then back at ryan who was staring into space, completely disconnected from reality.

“breaks over, santa. knock ‘em dead” he said in what he hopes was an encouraging tone. he was met with a slurred grunt, which he’d have to accept as an answer. he watched as ryan gathered himself up and stumbled his way out of the tent. steven prayed to whatever god was looking down on him to have mercy on him, and also on ryan’s liver which was surely taking hella damage.

———————

“dude can we go home now? i’m literally out of money” you pleaded to your roommates. your feet were sore from standing for so long, your mouth was dry from the giant soft pretzel you’d snacked on earlier and to be honest, you were fucking exhausted from being around people for so long. your social battery could only last for so long and you were riding the last of that sweet sweet juice on 2%.

“in a minute” was all the answer you got. after 20 not minutes, according to your best friend anyway, passed you exited the store in a huff, leaving all your shopping bags unattended in the cart. you exhaled a long breath and thought about all the reasons you loved your friends and how you’d miss them if they suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth.

just as you allowed yourself to get swept away in your thoughts, a bellowed HO HO HO caught your attention. not fucking santa. god, you’d forgotten that malls hire any random dude off the street once a year to play santa and let all the good little boys and girls of this shit piss town sit on his lap and tell them what they want for christmas.

i’ll tell you what i want for christmas, santa. some fucking dick, you thought to yourself. you make the decision to glance over in the direction of this years holiday shmuck, entertaining the idea of getting a good laugh out of the pervy old man sitting on old saint nicks throne. you’re surprised however, to find a young looking guy, fucking fit, manspreading on santa’s seat.

were all the old men of the world too busy to play santa this year? who is this guy?

your questions unfortunately received no answers as your roommates finally decided to make an appearance outside the store.

“we’re done— uh…. are you checking out santa?”

“no the fuck i’m not” you replied, just a tad too fast.

“dude ew oh my godddd, since when do you like old men?”

“he’s literally not old, look.” you point over towards the christmas display so that your friends too could appreciate the view that is new hot santa.

“i think we should take a family photo with santa” your best friend mused, a shit eating grin plastered across their stupid face.

“no, i refuse. no” you reply, but your words fall on deaf ears. the three bastards you call roommates are already dragging you over to the queue of children waiting to see santa.

“you can’t make me!” you shout, catching the attention of several disproving mothers. they let go of you once you’re situated in the queue, and your best friend says that they’ll wait in line with you until it’s your turn.

“i hate this, i hate it here, i hate you…do you hate me? is that why i’m here?” you ask.

“you don’t get to be a jackass just because some asshole jock broke your heart. and you don’t get to be an even bigger asshole on christmas just because your parents got divorced when you were a kid. this is our first holiday as a loft family and you’re ruining it.”

you don’t reply after that, what could you even say? what would you even say?

“next please!” the head elf called out to you.

“don’t forget to smile!” your best friend said to you, then patted you on the back and left the queue.

“i don’t mean to rush you but santa is on a tight schedule, please come up if you’re ready for your picture” the head elf said to you, looking you directly in the eyes.

you nodded, embarrassed, and made your way up the stairs as fast as you could. your senses were hit with the scent of whisky and stale beer. talk about christmas spirit. santa was still seated while manspreading, and you realise now it’s because he’s fucking tanked.

“well hey there pretty girl” santa greets you, a wicked grin on his face.

“hi santa” you reply, not moving toward him.

“why don’t you come over here and sit on santa’s lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up” he chuckles. your face flushes pink. you clear your throat uncomfortably and fill in the final gaps till you were sat on santa’s lap.

“now that’s a good girl. why don’t you tell me what you want for christmas, baby?” santa says, his tone a chilling purr in your ear. he takes the chance and pushes a loose strand of hair behind the same ear he’d just whispered into.

“santa—“ you start.

“yeah?”

“i just want a man to take care of me and my… needs” you muse, a slight smile gracing your face.

“and what needs would those be, little girl?” you watched as santa’s eyes darkened while they bore into yours. god he was so fucking hot.

“let’s just say… it’d be a christmas miracle if any man could make me cum this holiday season” you pouted. you felt santa harden in the slightest underneath you, a low growl leaves his mouth, concealed by the ridiculous santa beard.

“how about you let santa take care of you, huh, sweet girl? i wanna give you this present myself.” you moaned quietly into his ear.

“say cheese!” the head elf said, pulling the both of you out of the trance of your conversation. you both smiled at the click and then turned back to each other.

santa slipped you a piece of paper and you pocketed it immediately. “my shift ends in an hour, meet me at the address on that note?”

“only if you wear the costume” you smirk at him.

“god i’m gonna fuck you so good.”

[yamithediaperdork]

A timeline in cuteness (My hero academia)

It had been a normal day at the local mall. Teenagers where loitering and hanging out, people where going and buying things they needed (and something that they didn't need) and Mothers were watching their young kids play in the play area while sipping coffee and shooting the shit.It was then that something that would make the rounds on YouTube, and go down in legends of the mall happened.A young Blond man, red faced, a red haired guy, holding his hand and leading the way.. And the red head was carrying a large white diaper bag and the blond was dressed like a toddler.blue denim jean short all's with a light yellow t-shirt on under, though some mothers seeing it and noting the budge in the butt and crotch area assumed (and they would be right) that it was more of a onesie/diaper shirt deal going on. White socks that poked out of power ranger themed light up sneakers finished the look, save for a black and red pacifier that was clipped to the blond's shirt, the clip colored and decorated to look like a little shark.They were heading towards the new photo studio in the mall, Perfect Memories, Clearly going to get some 'baby pictures' done.The little adventure had started in a way 19 months earlier, when Katsuki Bakugo and Ejiro Kirishima had decided to spice up their relationship. Katsuki despite his brash and vulgar attuide was a natural submissive, while Ejiro was a natural dominant.They had been pushing limits and testing things out.Katsuki loved being spanked though Ejiro preferred it be saved for just punishments, and Ejiro wanted to baby Katsuki which the blond had shot down hard.They had both comprised to try a extended chastity play, and while Ejiro could end it at any given time, Katsuki had made a video agreement to wear the tight pink device for as long as master wanted him to. That was Katsuki's mistake, he had assumed it would just be for a month tops, but instead found himself on his knees and pleasuring daddy while leaking.At the 5 month mark Katsuki, despite saying he'd never whine or beg, had broken down pleading and begging for a release. Ejiro had just smirked and started to lay out the terms.If widdle Katsuki wanted a nice deep prostate massage, he'd have to start wearing dino themed training undies, 24/7, no exceptions. that could earn a hour a week with Mr.buzz in his boy pussy. If he wanted daddy to give him a good and proper fucking, but with the cage still on, he'd have to wear and use a diaper, and use it fully.And if he wanted the cage off all together, at least for a hour or so, well, he'd have to REALLY earn that, via letting daddy dress him like the oversized toddler Ejiro knew he was, and let daddy get some baby pictures at a professional studio.Naturally Katsuki had told him where to go and how to get there, and held out for anther month before surrendering every pair of his boxers and getting 12 pairs of training undies with thick padding in the front and back while looking like a pair of briefs, and could be washed. So once a week after that Katsuki would spend a hour in a stockade, in just his training undies and a vibe (Mr. Buzz) in nice and deep as the poor submissive made good use of the padding in his undies.he couldn't cum though, all he did was leak and drip into the undies, but it at least helped with his swollen balls. Katsuki swore though that was as far as he was willing to go with it, till he walked in one day at the 8 month mark, after work and found his boyfriend and daddy dom making out with Izuku."oh hey sweetie, you know remember Izuku right? I ran into him the other day at the market." Ejiro asked, smirking as Katsuki just stood there in shock."I..I..""oh Heyyy Katsuki~ your 'daddy' has been telling me alll about the fun games you two have been playing, and showed me your cute widdle undies." Izuku said, smirking and winking. "Izuku here actually went on and became a full on superhero after school, unlike you and me, and I've been listening to his stories about what a big strong man he is and well, I hope you don't mind sweetheart but I DO have needs.and since your cute widdle dicky couldn't even do it for me before being locked up..." Ejiro trailed off and shrugged.Izuku smirked and then cupped the redhead's chin, and pulled him in for a nice long kiss, looking at Katsuki the whole time.Breaking the kiss off, Izuku stood up from the couch and tugged Ejiro to his feet."Katsuki, would you be a good boy and start making something for supper? I have a feel your daddy is gonna be VERY hungry when I'm done with him. But you don't have to rush, it'll be at LEAST a hour." Izuku said, a smirk on his face."I..But..I..""Sweetie listen to Izuku please. there's a extra half hour of Mr. Buzz time in it for you." Ejiro said and blushed.he looked like a fucking school girl about to get fucked for the first time!"I...Yes daddy." Katsuki had said, then turned to go to the kitchen, face burning and leaking big time."Good boy~" Izuku said.After Izuku had supper with them (going as far as to cut up Katsuki's food for him) Katsuki was too horny to think strait. he wanted a ass fucking like he'd heard Ejiro getting and knew HOW to get it."I..uh..Daddy..""Look Katsuki, I know that caught you by surprise, and we hadn't talked about cucking really, it was a spur of the moment thing an-" Ejiro had started to said, rubbing the back of his head but then he was cut off by Katsuki."Where are the fucking diapers!? I need dick bad So I'll fucking load one up if you promise to fuck me like fucking Deku fucked you!" The blond whined."Heh..I see~ well first of all, Never call him Deku again. it's Izuku or Mr. Midoriya from now on. Secondly, I have them under the bed, so go and get one little guy." Ejiro said, then added. "But first, come give daddy a kiss on the cheek~"Katsuki nodded and had given his boyfriend the kiss, and it just felt so totally different from the hungry lip mashing that Izuku and Ejiro had done in front of him, it was more like a little boy kissing his parents goodnight.Sadly for Katsuki, after being taped in the thick puffy diaper, and waddling around in a t-shirt and the diaper so daddy could keep giving him bum checks, he hadn't been able to go uh-oh before bed.He'd just given daddy his good night blowjob, then crawled into bed and nuzzled him. Crinkling and squirming all night long and soaking the diaper over and over.It would take until the next morning, while Ejiro was getting dressed for his job for Katsuki to finally fill the seat of his diapers and he'd hated every second of it, but had been grinning and excited because it meant getting fucked.Only for daddy to tell him they didn't have time before he was due into work, and Katsuki would have to wait.Being told that he could get back into his dino undies, and being promised a nice and hard fucking after work, Ejiro had to rush out the door after kissing Katsuki's forehead, and telling him not to stay in his stinky diaper too long.10 seconds after their door closed, Katsuki had a cry baby fit that the whole block heard.Daddy had kept his word, even if he was less then impressed Katsuki hadn't taken the trash out after changing, and their apartment was semi filled with the boys stink. Katsuki saved himself a time out punishment when it turned out he had gone nose deaf to his own stink and blushed when daddy pointed it out.Sadly for the blond, even with the brutal prostate pounding he took from daddies cock, it still wasn't enough for a full on mind blowing orgasm and he was left whimpering and trying to beg for more as daddy pulled out."Sorry buddy, you know you have to earn them" Ejiro had said, and nodded to the pack of diapers. "Do you want daddy to diaper you again?""..Is..is Mr. Midoriya coming over today?" Katsuki asked, poking his fingers together, apparently not even realizing he hadn't even used Izuku's first name."Do you WANT him to come over?" Ejiro asked. "N-Not if I'm gonna be in a diapie.." again the well fucked boy was using terms and not even seeming to notice, and fuck if it didn't make Ejiro wanna just slid back in the boys destroyed hole."Well then no, he's not coming over. Lift your bum up for daddy~" Ejiro said, reaching for a new diaper.Katsuki naturally did as he was told.After that Diapers became a more and more regular thing around the house, though Katsuki made Ejiro promise NOT to tell Izuku about them and refused to wear when the bigger and stronger boy was over. Katsuki started learning how to cook all of Izuku's favorite meals for when he'd come over and was rewarded with getting to watch daddy and his boyfriend fuck.that was what Izuku started to called himself, Ejiro's boyfriend. Katsuki had gone to argue HE was daddies boyfriend and was met with chuckles and told he was too cute, and gotten a head pat. It was a year after first being locked in diapers, when Ejiro decided it was time for Katsuki to just wear his diapers full time around the house, though he could keep the dino undies for when he had to work. The blond had fought tooth and nail, trying to argue he didn't wanna wear all the time but.."Sweetie, lets be honest here, when's the last time you used the potty that Izuku wasn't over?" Ejiro asked."I..uh.." and Katsuki paused and thought about it, and as he did his cheeks turned crimson."Yeah, your basically wearing diapers ALL the time to get fucked anyways. I haven't even used Mr.buzz on you in a month." Ejiro pointed out. the realization that Katsuki had basically put himself in diapers if not 24/7, then 22/5 hit him like a ton of bricks and he started to tear up."Hey heyyy..It's OK sweetie. I think it's hella cute." Ejiro said and pulled the self trained diaper boy into his lap, kissing him on the cheek and cuddling him."I..But..If I wear all the time..Mr. Midoriya will-" Katsuki tried to argue, slipping into his baby tone of voice and fighting the urge to suck his thumb."oh Sweetheart.. You think he doesn't know you wear anyways? And before you have a fit, it's kinda hard to hit the poopie diaper smell from your bedroom."His bedroom. that was anther low point. With Izuku spending more and more nights over, Katsuki had been sleeping out on the couch till Ejiro and Izuku had surprised him by turning a storage room in the apartment into a mini bedroom. there was a bed, a waste basket, a night table and a lamp, and while cramped it worked."B-But if he knows.." Katsuki whined."then there's no reason for you NOT to wear. and uh..He's actually a little annoyed with me that I won't take pictures for him to see how cute you are in them. he's the one who got that current pack for you with the teddy bears." Ejiro said sheepishly, in truth the main reason he had been pushing for 24/7 wear was so Izuku would start fucking him hard again, instead of half assing it.He'd become a master of using his dick to get what he wanted."H-he did that?" Katsuki asked, feeling even more shame, though a small smile was on his face.the teddy bear diapers actually felt nicer and help up better then the drug store diapers they'd been using before, and while he still wasn't a fan of messing himself Katsuki liked how much more he could wet these, and rub the warm front against his cage."Yeah, said he wanted his darling little cuck to look adorable." Ejiro said and kissed the big babies cheek. "plus these hold up better for your naughty rub's." he added winking.Katsuki lost the battle not to suck on his thumb at that point, and Ejiro just kept giving him cuddles.When Izuku (or Mr.Midoriya as Katsuki addressed him as) came over that night, he was delighted when Katsuki opened the door, wearing a baby blue t-shirt that read 'Good boy in training ' and his teddy bear pampers."well now, don't YOU look cute~" Izuku said and patted Katsuki on the head with his free hand, having a shopping bag in the other."Yes sir Mr.Midoriya." Katsuki said, and despite the pouty tone, Izuku noticed the boy couldn't help but smile from the head pats.Katsuki stepped out of the way and Izuku walked in, seeing Ejiro at the kitchen table and working on some papers from work, te red head was a legal aid."I see your talk with our little guy went over well." he said, walking over and setting his bag on the table, and leaning down to kiss Ejiro."mmmhhmm~ Indeed. I just need five more minutes to finish this up though. you staying the night?""Of course. And something smells VERY good, what are you making us little guy?""Oh! I'm making your favorite Mr. Midoriya, Katsudon!" Katsuki beamed."oh my, somebodies spoiling me..and Katsuki buddy, I think we can drop the Mr. Midoriya thing. from now on just call me papa ok?" Izuku asked and smirked.Katsuki blushed badly, but meekly nodded. The blond waddled into the kitchen to check on supper and Izuku took a seat."He's really just too damn cute." Izuku said and took a seat next to his boyfriend."he really is. what's in the bag?" Ejiro asked, rushing to finish his paper work while also trying not to made a mistake."oh, that's a little something for after supper. I wanted to get a little something for both my boys." Izuku said and winked."..See now I wanna peek and see what it is." Ejiro said and smirked."Mmmhmm..and which one of you two is the toddler again?" After a big meal, the three were seated in the living room, Ejiro and Izuku on the couch and Katsuki on a blanket on the floor, though instead of facing the TV like normal he was turned towards them."so who wants their present first?" Izuku asked, and gave a semi warning look to Ejiro as the red head went to raise his hand. Smoothly the red head just kept his arm going and pout it around Izuku's shoulders."well I think after being such a good boy, Katsuki should go first." Ejiro said.Not even Katsuki was fooled and just giggled a little, though he covered his mouth."Very smooth." Izuku teased and then reached into the bag, pulling out a box wrapped in teddy bear wrapping paper. Here you go little guy, I hope this will help with your 'good boy training' though if you ask me, you're already one~"Katsuki grinned, reaching and taking the box and then like a little kid, eagerly ripped at the wrapping paper and opened the box.and froze and looked up, face going super red."Sooo what is it little guy?" Ejiro asked."I..I.." Katsuki whined and then held up a large cockfier. the mouth guard was a light baby blue, and the cock shaped nipple was a good 5 inches  and VERY thick and VERY life like."I heard about how much you've been on your thumb and well, Little boys have dirty hands. From now on when you wanna suck on something, you can suck on that." Izuku said with a chuckle.  "what do you think? It cost a pretty penny but I think your worth it~"Katsuki hadn't been able to say anything, and was just staring at the cockfier and while he looked horrible embarrassed, he was also licking his lips."Katsuki, Papa gave you a very nice present. what do we say?" Ejiro asked."it's ok, I know he's just a little touge tied. you can thank me latter buddy. go ahead and try it out."  Katsuki nodded, and started to raise the fat nipple to his lips, but then paused."uh... Thank you papa." he lisped out, having gone full baby tone again.then as daddy and papa watched, the big baby suckled on his cockfier and closed his eyes, rocking back and forth and his fingers wiggling."heh.. Guess I should give him his other present." Izuku said and reached in the bag again and pulled out a teddy bear that been custom made, and was wearing Izuku's hero costume.He leaned forward and handed it to the good boy in training and both daddies chuckled as Katsuki snatched it and hugged it to his chest.The big baby had honestly zoned out after that, and while he did open his eyes after a few, he more just turned and watched cartoon on the TV, having wet his diaper and gave himself naughty rubs with one hand, while hugging super teddy with the other.Between the sounds from the TV, and the sucking of his sucking, he could barely hear daddy and papa making out on the couch behind him, though he heard the unzipping of pants.He might a been willing to give up the riveting plot going on with paw patrol to watch that, but Papa told him to be a good boy and keep his back to them. Katsuki wasn't that shocked when a mere month later Izuku moved into the apartment, making it clear that his former sometimes nursery was now his permanent room.there was talk of getting a bigger apartment though, or maybe even renting a house since well, some of the neighbors were starting to complain about the smells coming from the apartment.it was a month or so after THAT that they had found a nice little house, it was only one story but it had enough rooms for Katsuki to have a proper nursery and, and this was the big selling point for Ejiro and Izuku: A yard for widdle Katsuki to go out and play.it was true that following his gift of a teddy bear, Katsuki had maybe started to collect some other toys, ranging from stuffies to action figures and even a few tub toys (he wasn't allowed to take a shower anymore, that was a adult privilege) But that didn't mean he liked the toy of being in the front yard in the double diapers he wore as a standard these days.It wasn't even for his humiliation or a decision that Izuku or Ejiro had made for kink reasons, it was more once Katsuki had given up on the possibly of using the potty his bowels and bladder had seemed to go into overdrive and even with his teddy bear diapies, he was leaking a lot more often.One small part of annoyance for poor widdle Katsuki in this adjustment was even though he was going poopie in his diapers like a champ, and wetting them, Daddy dialed back his butt fucking to just a mere 3 times a week.Though when he'd gone to have a fit over it papa had tugged him over his lap and well, given Katsuki something to cry about.Standing in the corner with a bar of soap in his mouth and his toasted buns on display while listening to daddy and papa make out, really hadn't helped the poor turned little when it came to the need he was experiencing.it had also shown him that despite his love of spankings, Papa could still make it a punishment.Come moving day Katsuki was a good little helper, wearing his good boy in training t-shirt and a pair of shorts over his diapers. they had even gone all out and gotten extra stuff unknown to the little guy, so when he carried the first box of his stuff he was greeted with the site of a crib and a changing table in his room, and turned around to see a smirking Daddy and papa."I..but..I wanted a big boy bed!" he squeaked out."And I wanna make sure you stay in bed in the morning till we're ready for you." Papa replied."Don't worry sweetie, we'll have a baby monitor on and we'll know if you need us." Daddy added."Now what do you say?" Papa asked."...Fank ku."Life in their new neighborhood wasn't exactly easy on little Katsuki.  For one it didn't take long for the other ids on the block to figure out he was the source of any stinky smells.aside from making use of his toys or swimming in the pool his daddies had set up in the backyard, Katsuki was mostly ignored by the older kids he wanted to play with, and in a weird way had started to look up to, being semi jealous of their boxers and being potty trained.that left the older and younger -ick- girls who loved to play house with him/tease him like crazy and of course play dates with the younger boys.He thought it was weird just how many little kids who were potty training came over to play with him, till he overheard one dad asking his son if he wanted to end up a oversized baby just like Katsuki.when Katsuki went to whine about this to Ejiro, it turned out that they were providing a service for a modest little fee to help scare kids into potty training."and since you got fired from your job after pooping your diapers and crying for daddy, we can use the income." Daddy added.more time flew by and it wasn't long before a wedding was in the works. Daddy and papa had fallen hard for each other and while it hurt that Ejiro had dumped him as a boyfriend, at this point Katsuki could hardly think of himself as a man.17 months in and his butt fucking's had dropped off to a once a month affair and Katsuki couldn't even tell when he was wet anymore. it was only the tell tale sign that let him know when he was poopie.Still with a wedding date set and coming up fast, it was Katsuki who struggled to think of a good wedding present for his daddies, though the nature of his current lifestyle meant he'd have to have one of them help him get the gift.Little Katsuki wasn't trusted with anymore then 10 dollars at a time, his weekly allowance, since he started to be really bad at losing his money while playing or older kids bullying him for it.Though the last time a 14 year old had tried that, he'd found himself facing the wrath of Izuku in full costume. Still as Katsuki laid on his tummy in the living room, sucking on a paci (his normal one, he out got the one that Papa had given him at bed time or during his monthly pounding) and using his crayons to fill in a coloring book, he thought long and hard about what to do.he was in Short or overall's with a diaper shirt most f the time now, just to help with the diaper sag and it helped keep some of the meaner kids from panting him when he came out to play, and he was kicking his sock covered feet.Daddy was on the couch, working on a laptop having managed to set up his job so he could work from home and gave him a look ever now and then, before finally closing the laptop."alright, I can smell the burning from here. what are you thinking about?" Daddy teased.Katsuki huffed at that, he had apparently gotten slightly dimmer and daddy and papa liked to tease when he thought too hard they could smell burning.He started to explain what he wanted to try and do, get a present for them but Ejiro just smirked and taped his own mouth.Katsuki was confused for a second, then realized he hadn't taken his paci out and blushed and tugged it free."Wanna try that again sweetie?" the red head asked."I wanna git you and papa something fer the wedding." Katsuki said, he always talked super babyishly for a few after taking out a paci or being bottle fed."Oh? Buddy we told you, just you being our ring boy is enough." "Nooo I hafa git you presents!" Katsuki whined."Heh, you make us LOTS of 'presents' so again yo-" Ejiro started."NOT THAT KIND! Look, I wanna do SOMETHING.. but I uh.. Need help." Katsuki said, and rubbed the back of his head."Setting it up, or paying for it?" Ejiro asked, realizing there wasn't gonna be any peace in the house till he agreed."Um.. Both. and uh.. Ok. this ISN'T just so i can go goo goo gaga..though that'll be nice.." Katsuki gulped a little, even as Daddy grinned.he knew what Katsuki was about to say."W-what if we got some professorial pictures done for you and papa? with um.. me in diapies?" Katsuki said, poking his fingers together."I think that would be VERY nice. and don't worry, you'll get to make lots of 'goo goo gaga's'" Daddy said and help out his arms.Katsuki giggled and crawled over (it was just faster) and snuggled into daddies arms.Finding a place willing to take the pictures had turned out to be trickier then expected, and it had taken the new studio opening up and being desperate for customers for it to work at all.But now, 18 months after first being locked up, Katsuki was ready to show what a good little guy he'd become.The staff were nice as they came in, and Daddy took care of most of the details while Katsuki talked with the young guy taking the pictures.He was interested in hearing about the family dynamic of the trio and gave LOTS of head pats to Katsuki so that when daddy was done and they were ready to start, he was totally relaxed.Maybe a bit TOO relaxed as before Katsuki could get into the first pose, he found himself popping a squat and starting to unload into the seat of his diapies.The photographer smirked, and took a few pictures while others were less then..pleased was the big baby fudged his huggies and a less then fresh smell filled the place."it's not so bad, I once shared a 1 bedroom apartment with four guys." the photographer commented."Oh yeah, we tried to avoid the cabbage baby food today just in case." Ejiro said."Smart."As the big baby finished destroying his diapers, he was blushing badly. he'd been planning on just being a widdle cutie, not having a mushy booty."Katsuki, whats wrong?" Ejiro called over, and nudged for the photographer to get ready to take a picture.Katsuki looked over his shoulder, holding his nose and pointed with a finger to his drooping diaper butt."I went boom boom!" he whined, as the picture was taken."you sure did. but it's OK. we all know your just a big baby. you're gonna look SO cute." Ejiro called over. "Why don't you do the other pose you were gonna do for the pictures buddy?""I..I uh.. guess." Katsuki said.making sure he was well balanced, he bent over and braced himself with his hands on the floor, but peeked though his legs to look at daddy and the nice picture man, and flashed them a smile as his picture was snapped."oh! hang on!" He called and then fumbled with his paci, getting it in his mouth and waited for a second flash of the camera."VERY cute little man~" Daddy called over and Katsuki giggled then rolled over, squishing his diaper and making the smell get worse."Um..Um..I'm sorry..but can you change him?" One young lady asked, her eyes watering and she looked like she was fighting the urge to run away.Ejiro chuckled and nodded, even as Katsuki, having missed her request had moved onto the next pose and was On his back, hold his legs up and looking up for the next picture.which of course was taken."Ok buddy, little time out for a diapie change.""what, already?" Katsuki asked, raising a eyebrow. normally he's sit in his own soft serve for like, at least a good 20 minutes."Yeah, your a bit much for the staff to handle buddy." Ejiro said and winked."Hehehe Fear my all powerful STINK BUTT!" Katsuki giggled and clapped, which of course, picture taken.The big baby got up so daddy could undo the button on his short all's and then before laying down, and with the crotch snap of his onesie undone he turned around before sitting down."h! oh! look! Papa got me a new onesie and it's got a skunk on it cuz I'm a widdle stinker!" he said proudly.and you guessed it, picture taken.getting the poopie boy on his back, Ejiro opened up the diapers the diapers and one staffer ran out of the shop."it's actually not that bad." Ejiro commented. "you should of seen him after chilli cheese dog night."the staffers who were braving the smell chuckled at that, and Katsuki sucked on his paci and played with super teddy, which had been brought along just for this.the little guy got some chuckles as his cock lock was seen but thought they were giggling at him playing with super teddy so he hammed it it, grinning big time.Sadly no picture was taken THAT time since the studio was license for porn. As the diaper change was wrapping up, Katsuki was turned on his tummy so that Ejiro could sprinkled baby powder on his butt to help with a rash Katsuki had been starting to get. "Ok buddy we're almost done he-" Ejiro started to say when Katsuki let out a squeaky fart that sent a cloud of baby powder up in the air, and well, since his fronts had been covered the photographer had been going for a picture and manged to catch the moment on camera.After getting his diaper changed and getting redressed, Katsuki was a good little helper and carried his poopie diaper to the trash for daddy and then posed for a few more pictures.they then went to the food court for a little snack while the pictures were developed, going to the McDonald's and of course Katsuki got a happy meal.He was playing with the toy race car he'd gotten as the came back into the studio."well I have to say, this was the most interesting and adorable photo shoot I've even done." the photographer said and chuckle, handing over the book with the pictures in it to Ejiro.or at least that was the plan. what happened instead was Katsuki took it and started to flip though it, having stuffed the car in the diaper bag and giggled lots."Oh yeah! dis is good! great job!" Katsuki praised.Ejiro just smirked and rolled his eyes, and paid for the pictures as Katsuki hugged the album to his chest."So, If I need anymore pictures taken, can I come back?" Katsuki asked.Half the staff paled at that thought but the photographer, who was also the owner just smirked."Of course little guy." He said and ruffled Katsuki's hair.As the pair waled (well waddled in Katsuki's case) out of the mall Katsuki kept hugging the album to his chest.He really was lucky. some would argued he was semi tricked or forced into life as a little diaper boy, but honestly with how easily it had all happened, Katsuki himself had to admit deep down he had always been a little.'I'm  a super lucky little guy to have two awesome daddies.' he mentally gushed and nuzzled into daddy.The end

[mickmarstookmyheart]

Not that Old

Pairing: Chubby!Reader X Mick Mars

Requested on Wattpad

Remember that requests for Mick are open!

(babies, just look at them)

You were just dreaming of your favorite band of all time when you heard a knock on your door. You groaned and managed to sit on the edge of the bed when you heard another knock this time a bit louder.

"Be there! Fuck." You walked to the door and opened it.

"(Y/N)!!!" One of your best friends, Hanna, yelled making you deaf. She hugged you tight and walked into your apartment.

"Sorry about her. You know how is she with birthdays." Amanda sighed glancing at you. "Happy birthday, (Y/N)!"

"Thank you, Amanda! To be honest, I didn't even remember it when I woke up." You giggled closing the door and letting your calmer bestie in the house. Hanna was already decorating your small living room.

"So where we are going to tonight?" Hanna asked eagerly still bothering with a 'Happy Birthday Girl' paper decoration.

"Can't we just stay here and have a girls' night or something?" Parties and clubs weren't your things. You loved listening to rock music, but your friends weren't fond of it.

"No, (Y/N)! You need to go to a real party sometime! Anyway, we already know where we are going, I just wanted to pretend if I was polite." She laughed heading to your bedroom and gesturing to follow her. You and Amanda shared a look and made your ways towards your bedroom.

"Don't worry, you will love it." Amanda took your hand and squeezed it and gave you an encouraging smile. This made you a bit relieved. She was a truly honest person and she knew your taste in almost everything...even if it was about boys. When you entered the room, Hanna was already throwing clothes out from your closet.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Just choosing the perfect dress for the night."

"Why can't I decide what to wear?"

"Cause you would choose a boring black trouser with a band merch which you always wear!"

"And what's your problem with that?" You asked adjusting your large wireframe glasses on the top of your nose. The blood froze in your veins when Hanna was holding a tight black dress in her hands smiling.

"Hanna, I don't think (Y/N) would be happy in that. Remember that she needs to be happy on her birthday." Amanda said in a calm tone. She always got your back. You loved both of them but Amanda understood you better. Hanna put the dress back while making a face and started searching again.

"Then, there is nothing here!" She pouted. "Wait, I think there is hope!" She grabbed your black leather pants and showed it to you. You had a mix of emotions for that piece of clothing. You would kill for pants like that but you didn't have the guts to wear it.

"Umm, I don't know." You rubbed the back of your head.

"(Y/N), it's perfect, believe me!" Amanda said admiring your pants. "Go put it on." 

You still hesitated.

"You heard Amanda. If she says it's perfect then it's hella perfect!" Hanna handed the pants and a black shirt to you and sat down on your bed while you went to your bathroom to change. "Maybe, these leather pants aren't that bad." You thought when you saw yourself in the mirror adjusting it.

∆

"Come on, (Y/N), we are almost there!" Hanna was already a bit tipsy. She was dragging you towards the surprise place.

"You know I don't like surprises!" You yelled.

"You will like this one, just trust me!" Hanna added. When you turned at the corner you gulped. No, this can't be. You felt the excitement of recognizing the area. From a hundred meters you could see the familiar place. There was already a huge crowd in front of the club queueing in a line.

"No way! I can't believe you brought me here!" You cheered, the brightest smile on your face.

"We told you you will love it." Amanda pushed you playfully by the shoulder. "And have you seen who will play tonight?" You took a glance. Your mouth dropped when you saw the name. The name of the band which was now your life. Mötley Crüe.

"Omg!" You cursed. "I can't believe you managed to arrange this!"

"Anything for you, (Y/N)! You deserve it!" Amanda said with a smile.

"And the rest is just in the corner," Hanna added with a devilish smile on her face.

When you were finally in the facility you headed towards the bar to get some booze.

"We are okay here." You said gripping your bottle.

"Are you kidding, right? I can't even see the stage from here, then how I supposed to see that bass player's beautiful face?" Hanna pouted pulling your hand towards the first rows.

"At least can I choose the side?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Then, I will stay here, on this side.." You announced.

"That old man's side?" Hanna asked.

"Don't dare to call him old! And yes, I will stay here and watch him play those badass riffs of his." Hanna's answer was a shrug.

When Nikki and the others stood on the stage the whole crowd screamed and cheered for the band. When Mick came up on the stage, you froze. He was dressed in black, even his guitar was black except for those yellow stamps on it. His raven hair slightly flew in the air during those guitar solos and riffs. There were moments when you felt he was right staring at you, but you were sure he was looking at someone else. Why would he look at you, anyway?

∆

"Wow, (Y/N), you need to bring us more to this band's concert! Why haven't you tell about them yet?" Hanna asked still under the effect of the concert and the whole show.

"I have already told you, you just didn't listen as usual." You murmured sipping from your beer. "Which song did you like the most?"

"Hmmm, I can't remember any title but those beautiful eyes being the puff of hair of the bass player." If it was possible, Hanna would've had hearts instead of eyes.

"You didn't disappoint me." You muttered.

"I quite liked Starry Eyes, Take me to the Top and Live Wire," Amanda added remembering back to those songs. "And those riffs were truly extremely good."

"Indeed they were." You were happy that someone also paid attention to the songs and not just the boys' appearance.

"If you had the chance whom would you kiss?" Hanna asked while you almost choked on your drink.

"Hanna, you passed a line." Amanda snapped.

"What? It was just a harmless question!"

"Well, it's not gonna even happen...so I would kiss Tommy," Amanda added imagining kissing the drummer.

"I thought you would choose the singer."

"I'm not into blondies. Okay, so Hanna has already made us clear she would choose Nikki, what about you, (Y/N)."

You hesitated. They already thought that Mick was an old man, while he looked sweet and caring. And his eyes. Damn.

"(Y/N)!" Hanna's yell brought you back to reality from your daydream.

"Sorry. Well, I think Mick." You admitted.

"Really?" Hanna raised one of her eyebrows.

"Hey, he looks good, too and you know (Y/N) is into creepy, weird guys!" Amanda said. You didn't know if you should thank her or just hit her in the arm for that last statement.

∆

After the concert, you and your friends were just sitting at some tables. Some guys tried to join in but Hanna always rejected saying you have other plans for the night. You didn't like surprises and Hanna had crazy ideas sometimes.

"Are you ready?" Amanda asked looking at you. Due to the amount of alcohol she started to act like Hanna which you didn't like. Who will stop Hanna from doing senseless actions?

"To go home?" You had high hopes.

"No, you silly. For your birthday present." Amanda giggled taking your hand and helping you get up from your seat.

"I don't know. I'm not so sure." You bit down your lip waiting for the disaster. When you walked beside the stage you stop in front of the backstage door. A giant guard stood there who was twice as tall as you.

"Um, hello, sir. I...we have the arrangement to get backstage. I have talked to Doc...Doc McGhee and he said yes. To us..meet the boys." Hanna was a bit tipsy now. The guard still didn't move.

"Okay, listen here you giant. This girl right here celebrates her birthday today so don't ruin it. She fucking deserves to meet those guys there inside." Hanna crossed her arms and sent death glares at the guard. His answer was just a growl and a stare.

"It's okay, Hanna. We have already seen the guys. It's not necessary to get ourselves killed by some big guy." You said holding back your friend.

"Hey, Chuck, let them in. They look harmless and we could use a company." Vince appeared and gazed at all of you. The guard, Chuck opened the door and let you in.

"Thank you. It was kind of you." Amanda said.

"I heard that one of you have a birthday today so I thought why not? Anyway, I'm Vince." He smirked and guided to the room where the others were.

"I'm Amanda, she is Hanna and the birthday girl is (Y/N)." She introduced all of you.

"Happy birthday, (Y/N)!" Vince turned back for a moment and gave you a big smile. You were just looking down and adjust your glasses.

"Thank you." You said shyly.

"Hey, Everyone, I brought some company!" Vince yelled as soon as you arrived in the room. Nikki, Tommy immediately looked up and smirked looking over you and your friends. You were looking over Mick who was drinking and he also slowly lift his head. When he looked into your eyes you felt your face burn and your heart race.

"That girl has a birthday today so let's have a big party!" Vince said pointing at you.

∆

Well, not the best birthday present you had. The girl ditched you, Amanda was flirting with Tommy and Hanna sitting close to Nikki. She whispered something in his ear which made him smirk. Vince was busy with his blond girlfriend and Mick was away. He said he had something to do and left an hour ago. You were sitting in the corner of the room on the couch and was looking everywhere but your 'friends'. Cool friends. You were jealous how easily they could flirt with boys but it was so much easier for them. They were skinny and had a model look.

"Have I missed the party?" Mick stood down beside making you jump. You didn't notice him returning. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Nah, it's okay." You tensed but tried to breathe properly. "And don't worry, you didn't miss anything."

"I see. Well, I brought some beers for you and a little surprise." Mick said searching in the paper bag he brought with himself. You gulped. Did Mick bring you a surprise?

"Oh, you didn't have to." You said shyly.

"I did. You have a birthday and there is no birthday without some candy, is it?" He gave you a little smile. He put a little cupcake on the table and a candle. He lights the candle and handed it to you. You felt tears in your eyes from happiness. You took the cupcake in your shaking hand and blew it after wishing.

∆

"So they are your friends?" Mick asked after you and he was the only one who was in the room.

"Yeah."

"Are you mad at them? Because I can help you revenge if you want. Ditching you like this for those idiots was quite rude if you ask me. Especially, on your birthday." Mick said gazing at you.

"They aren't that bad. They brought me here after all and they can be kind, too. They come here just for me." You played with the package of the cupcake. "They aren't into this kind of music." You sighed.

"And what about you? Did you like the concert?"

"Definitely! It was awesome! I have already been to one of your concerts, but this was the best one so far! You become better and better, guys." Fangirling took all over on you again and you realized it. "Sorry, if I talk too much."

"Hey, I asked you so feel free. You know, I'm not the talkative one." He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. You almost melted from that smile and can't help but smiled, too.

"Thank you for keeping me company. And for the cake."

"It's nothing. You are kind and you deserved it. Moreover, your music taste is pretty good." He added making you giggle. He liked making you laugh. He adored your beautiful eyes behind your adorable glasses and your personality. He knew he wasn't able to know you fully during this short time but he wanted to. "Umm, (Y/N), would you like to meet again?"

You felt the blood froze in your veins and the smile immediately faded.

"I'm sorry?" You were sure you just misunderstood it.

"I would like to know you better. And you to have someone you can rely on and have a talk whenever you want cause your 'friends' clearly aren't capable of that." He was angry. You were speechless. You were in shock. "They don't deserve you."

"I don't really know what to say." You loved your friends, though they can be a pain in the ass sometimes. And why don't be friends with your favorite musician? It would be a dream. "I would like to know you better, too, Mick. You seem kind and generous. And you look good, too." It wasn't your intention to confess. Damn, that beer.

"Why would you say that? I'm an old man." He scoffed flinching.

"Have you seen me?" You snapped. It wasn't fair what he was thinking. He wasn't that old and he was so much prettier than the other boys.

"You are young. And far more beautiful than me."

"You are not old, Mick. Yes, the boys are younger than you but that doesn't you are old. And believe me, you are handsome." Your face was now crimson red and it was burning.

"Then you have to believe that you are gorgeous, too. Being skinny doesn't mean beauty. Everyone is beautiful in their way. And if other men don't realize it, then they are blind."

You smiled at him and still couldn't believe those things Mick has just said. In the morning you were just staring at him on the poster in your room now you were face-to-face and was complimenting each other. That's what you call improvement!

"This might sound weird but can I hug you?" You asked worryingly.

"Of course!" He leaned closer and hugged you tightly. You put your chin on his shoulder and filled your lungs with his scent.

"Thank you so much. For everything."

"Me, too, (Y/N). Me, too."

Tags: @leatherandheels @littlemisscare-all @karrotkate ❤️

[flying-elliska]

I don't think the love-triangle situation is comparable to s3 for several reasons.

First of all, in universe :

Ofc what Eliott did was not cool, he should have broken up with Lucille. But it felt different. He was clear about it being emotionally over and from what we saw from them together, it felt very toxic. We saw Lucille lash out, be spiteful, reveal private info about him in public, invalidate Eliott's capacity to love to manipulate Lucas into giving up...Sure she came around and gave a nice speech to Lucas in the end ; I think she still cared for Eliott but their relationship was clearly unhealthy. It felt like Eliott stayed with her bc he was scared and she "knew him by heart." In contrast to that we have mostly seen Alexia be supportive, go out of her way to encourage and support him and find fun ways to cheer him up. We have seen there is a lot of respect and admiration and attraction between them. Yes Alexia messed up a little but it did not feel similar to Lucille to me, in the sense that their relationship is a lot newer and so are Arthur's issues - they are all still figuring shit out. We had this beautiful clip of them sharing their insecurities and it felt so beautiful and open. He was bringing her flowers and wanted to spend time w her after forgetting her singing. So for him to turn around and almost cheat so suddenly...it feels weird. And like it's proving his shitty father right.

Re : the writing

This is honestly my biggest issue. I mean in life...shit happens. But this is fiction, it's deliberately constructed this way and can therefore be criticized.

I am biased, because Alexia is my girl. With Elu and Imane she is one of my faves ; since the beginning we've seen her grow and struggle with the others. She was a key part of s3, and she was awesome. Bold, free spirited, confident. Her having more of a role this season made me hella stoked because in OG her counterpart Chris was notoriously relegated to the role of fun fat comedy relief BFF, which really sucked. I was like wow, by making her bi and also giving her more of a plotline skam france is really rocking this ! And I liked the first clips we got of her with Arthur ; their relationship felt sweet and nuanced and complex. Also, as a bi girl who struggled a lot w her weight in high school I cannot stress enough how therapeutic it was to see her be so confident and with a bf that clearly loved her and was really into her (but I guess not ???) So this whole plotline feels like a huge betrayal. . And emotionally manipulative to generate drama. In s3 we never had any cute scenes of Eliott and Lucille being cuddly surrounded by rainbows and supporting each other. We didn't get to know Lucille because she was not relevant to the story ; what mattered was Elu's love. It was messy, but it was pure in terms of emotions. This just feels painful. I know POV blablabla but...these are still choices the writers made.

Also, Noee is awesome, but I cannot help but feel in hindsight that Alexia's cool girl and wilder attributes this season have been toned down so that Noee can appear cooler in comparison. All the clips focusing on Noee's thin body made me uncomfortable as fuck too. And the worst part is I really love Noee as a character ! She's so cute and fierce and complex and badass ! I hate that those two have been put at odds by the narrative !

Anyway I am tired of love triangles. I think they're a cheap and lazy way to create drama and I have just seen too many of them. And ofc cheating is bad. But my issues with this storyline go deeper than that. So idk I love everything surrounding the representation of D/deafness and its culture and the pressure around Arthur's family and future. But damn this triangle thing is making it difficult for me to enjoy the season.

[cakesunflower]

pls beta read this 1 scene🥺👉🏼👈🏼

okay hehe a bunch of y’all agreed to give the first scene of the one shot a read & let me know what you think of it. to reiterate, i know it’s just the first scene but i’m not sure if i like the way i wrote Calum even in a scene as brief as this?? mostly bc i’m probably used to writing him as snarky and lowkey moody instead of so approachable as i did in this. but yeah. also,,,,this is hella unedited like i finished writing it and then i posted it here LMAO so don’t judge any mistakes.

i put it under the keep reading tab just so the post doesn’t clog up people’s dashes. thank you in advance, y’all!

The microwave in the teacher’s lounge was sparkling clean, and Odessa took that as good of a sign as any. The one in the high school she’d taught at in Nevada had never been clean, no one ever having the decency to clean up after their mess—and Odessa refused to do it, given that it looked as nasty on her first day there as it did on her last. It was why she always brought cold lunches from home so she wouldn’t be subjected to such filth. But this microwave was spotless, and Odessa had no qualms in placing her small bowl of spinach and chicken pasta to heat up during her lunch break.

As she waited for her food to heat up, Odessa allowed for her gaze to wander around the teacher’s lounge. It was large, bigger than her last, which wasn’t surprising given that she was from a town of barely four thousand people, with square table to eat at, couches, a bulletin board pinned with colorful fliers of latest school events. There was a hum of chatter from the few other teachers who were either on their lunch break or weren’t on cafeteria duty for the current freshman and sophomore lunch period. Large windows that looked out towards the front of the school parking lot allowed for the late morning sunlight to stream in, brightening up the space and bringing Odessa a sort of comfort her old town surrounded by mountains bought her.

“How’s your first day going, Odessa?” She turned to see Mrs. Brewer, the chemistry teacher, approaching her with a kind smile on her face. Mrs. Brewer was older than Odessa—as was most of the staff at the school, truthfully—but she’d been one of the first friendly faces to greet Odessa on her first day earlier that morning.

“Pretty well,” Odessa answered with an honest smile. Technically, it was everyone’s first day, given that it was the first day of the school year. But Odessa was new to the city, so her first day was relatively different than most people’s. With a gentle laugh, she added, “I’m in the same boat as the freshman so we’ve decided we’re in this together.”

Mrs. Brewer chuckled, turning to the counter they stood by to prepare herself a mug of coffee. “Making friends with the freshman—smart.” Odessa smiled, opening the microwave when her food was ready. “Have you met any of the other English teachers yet?”

Odessa hummed thoughtfully. “I’ve met Bridget Donnelly and Justine Greggs.”

Stirring the sugar in her mug, Mrs. Brewer tilted her head as she followed Odessa towards the table. “You haven’t met Calum yet? I’m positive he’s the only other teacher here around your age,” she said with a laugh.

As soon as she sat down on the chair, Odessa’s eyebrows shot up at the name, clicking in her head like a snapping rubber band bringing forth a memory she’d forgotten about. Calum—of course! He was Luke’s friend, who Luke told her about as soon as she’d mentioned the school she’d gotten a job at. Calum was one of Luke’s closest friends, and Luke had informed her that he was the boys soccer coach at the school as well as one of the high school English teachers.

In the haste of moving out of Nevada and to California and preparing for her job as she settled down, the fact had slipped right out of Odessa’s head. She’d never met Calum, but she knew of him because of Luke, who Odessa kept in touch with even after they graduated college and she moved back to Nevada and he remained in California. She saw pictures of Calum on Luke’s social media, knew that Luke was in a band with him and two other guys. What a small world that she ended up with a job at the same school he was at—and yet she had gone almost half of the day without running into him.

“Oh, look—speak of the devil.”

Odessa glanced up at Mrs. Brewer’s words, following her gaze towards the door where she saw a familiar face walk through. Her back straightened as Calum entered, offering a smiling nod to Mr. Engels, the government teacher. Odessa easily recognized him in his pale yellow button down tucked into black jeans, running his fingers through dark brown hair and flexing the muscles on his tattooed arm. She bit the corner of her lip as she watched him make his way towards the bowl of fruit by the stove, deaf to the way her mind was telling her to look away. He was handsome, the yellow shirt downright beautiful against his inked skin, the pictures she’d seen of him not at all doing him justice.

As if feeling her gaze on him, Calum’s dark eyes met hers right as he picked up an apple, and Odessa felt her cheeks warm at being caught but before she could even think to look away, she saw recognition flash across his features. Then, to her surprise, Calum was making his way over with a knowing furrow between dark eyebrows as he asked carefully, “Odessa? Odessa Kline, right?”

Odessa told herself it was just her polite nature that brought her smile, not the slight accent he had when he spoke. She sat up, nodding as she answered with a light laugh, “Yeah, yeah. It’s nice to finally meet you, Calum.”

He grinned then, a smile that brought sharp crinkles to the corners of his soft eyes, and Odessa chalked the flip of her stomach up to her hunger and not the way he instantly pulled up a chair to sit next to her upon confirmation of who she was. His body faced hers, elbow on the table as he played with the red apple in his hand. “Yeah, you too,” Calum laughed, the sound deep and rich and dangerously fluttering something in Odessa’s stomach. “Luke’s told me a lot ’bout you.”

“Same here,” Odessa nodded, feeling a small surge of confidence as she added, “I was gonna try to find you at the end of the day so I could meet you but I guess you beat me to it.”

“Not too disappointed, I hope,” Calum chuckled, making Odessa shake her head in response. She was getting pathetically ahead of herself, but she highly doubted she could be disappointed in meeting him. Not with that smile and voice. Calum’s gaze then flickered over her shoulder and he lifted his chin, charming smile ever present on his face as he greeted, “Afternoon, Mrs. B.”

Mrs. Brewer smiled back before gesturing between the two of them, raising her mug as she asked, “You two already know each other?”

With a shake of her head, Odessa answered, “We’ve got a mutual friend.”

“Good—now you have more than just the freshman on your side,” Mrs. Brewer teased Odessa with a smile before getting up. “Excuse me, I should probably get my lesson plan ready for the afternoon classes.”

She left, leaving just Odessa and Calum sitting at the table, and Odessa faced him once more as he hummed. “Mrs. B’s right—us English teachers gotta stick together.”

Odessa raised an eyebrow, picking up her fork and shooting Calum a smile as he bit into his apple with a sharp crunch. “Against who? The students or the rest of the teachers?”

He swallowed the bite, sharp jaw working as a teasing glint flickered in his dark eyes when he let his gaze briefly wander over to the few teachers in the room. “Both,” he answered with a small smirk once his gaze met Odessa’s, earning a laugh from her. “No, but really,” Calum laughed, lightly slapping the top of the table with his free hand. “You need anythin’, let me know, yeah? Luke’ll throw a fit if I didn’t.”

Twirling the pasta around her fork, Odessa raised an eyebrow at Calum, unable to keep her smile from turning teasing as she asked, “Oh, so you’re only offering because of Luke?”

Calum scoffed lightly, giving a subtle shake of his head. “Any friend of Luke’s is a friend of mine,” he told her, and his kind words had Odessa’s cheeks warming once more. It was totally because of his subtly accented words and not the smile that accompanied them. They both took a bite of their food, and afterwards Calum spoke, “Speaking of Luke—I’m assuming you’re coming to his bar Friday night? Since the party’s for you and all.”

Odessa paused in reached for her water, head turning towards Calum with a raise of her eyebrow and tone falling flat as she asked, “The what’s for who now?”

Calum blinked in mild confusion, eyebrows knitting together as he took in Odessa’s own questioning expression. Then, almost comically, his dark eyes widened in realization and he bared his teeth, hissing as he inhaled sharply through his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut in self exasperation. “Ah, fuck, I don’t think I was ’posed to tell you that,” he groaned, free fist pressing against his forehead as Odessa kept her gaze fixated on him, silently demanding him to further explain. Sitting up, Calum informed, “I mean, it’s not really a party. He’s just having a few people come over to welcome you. You know how Luke’s always lookin’ for a reason to celebrate.”

Odessa’s expression fell at Calum’s words, a small sinking feeling settling in her stomach. “Oh, God,” she huffed, leaning back in the chair and blank gaze falling on her lunch in front of her. “He knows I don’t like being the center of attention.” Odessa glanced at Calum, a half smile curling at her lips before she added, “Except in the classroom.”

He laughed lightly, nodding along and Odessa had a feeling that he may, in some way, relate to her words. When his gaze met hers once more, a warmth that somehow had the power of making her feel at ease despite the news of Luke’s party, Calum lifted his chin. “It won’t be too bad. You should definitely still come.” Then, with a small, boyish smirk and a raise of an eyebrow, Calum added, “We’ll even perform a couple of songs for you.”

Her stomach flipped. She kept telling herself it was because she was still hungry and not because of the crinkles that appeared alongside his kind smile. And despite the warmth in her cheeks, Odessa still said, “How can I say no to that?”

[5-fuxking-unicorns]

the whole problem with the bill burr opening monologue was that it wasn't "offensive" it was just tone deaf as hell and needed someone else to say "hey this might be going a bit too far for live television" because last week's chris rock monologue was hella political but it was nicely timed and a great season opener with jabs on both sides. this one felt like your drunk uncle's (no not that one) racist rants over Christmas when you're trying to have some turkey.

the bit about white woman inserting themselves into poc issues because of a society that favors people with fair skin talking about political problems over those who actually experience the fucking problem in the first place: good, little weird because that's probably due to white privilege that has nothing to do with feminism but aight the gucci boot joke made me laugh. it's a true issue that i don't think the millennial audience thinks about enough and i sincerely credit him for having the balls to say that.

implying that lgbtq members shouldn't be able to celebrate their sexuality graphically in public because it makes you uncomfortable two days before worldwide coming out day and when you're about to perform with two openly gay cast members: very tone deaf, kind of weird but even as a member of the LGBTQ community I can relate because pride gets out of hand sometimes.

implying lgbtq members should not be able to celebrate their sexuality at all because unlike colored folks didn't get enslaved for something they couldn't change about themselves: bitch wtf

it would have been at least funny had he not been sitting two inches away from kate three minutes later during the first fucking sketch of the night. and besides weekend update, every single sketch was about how much he (and specifically his characters) hate the new "woke sjw world current year blah blah" while meanwhile him trying to rev them up is just playing into their hands. the sketches weren't even funny besides the first one and the first one shines that night because it's the only sketch not specifically mentioning neoliberal ideologies. like, bro, we hate them too but this is a variety sketch show, not a polisci class. you have a shit ton of stand-ups where you break down why these ideas harm the general public - why are you mentioning them on a show best known by adults over 40 to be the "haha funni chris farley show" when you could do it anywhere else? you have a goddamn animated cartoon set in the 70s where you can say basically anything because it's the 70s yet you have to mention it here? on a saturday?

i think what ultimately bothers me the most about this is because he thinks he's some sort of "new age george carlin" all the time deserving criticism is going to go in one ear and out the other. and that bothers the fuck out of me because you can tell he can care about issues. his wife is black and they have kids together. he is and should be educated when it comes to black movements (esp the last five months') and he obviously shows he is well aware of the problems and is willing to speak out about it. he knows his shit.

but because his entire career is built on being 2edge4u he's not going to learn and is instead going to go absolutely batshit over any criticism. he can learn about how lgbtq issues are basically (for lack of a better term) synonymous with race issues. but he's not going to do that because that requires work. he could listen, but he needs to talk over. kind of ironic, considering he seemed so against that same concept, huh? 🤔

[hamliet]

D&D did a q/a session during the austin film festival, here's a good thread on it (and by gods i've never seen someone expose themselves this hard): twitter(.)com/ForArya/status/1188186578071556102?s=19

I saw. And I--the sheer tone-deafness of this. (for those interested in horrifying themselves, see here.)

I’ll repeat a lot of what I said in response on Twitter: I would call Benioff and Weiss clowns, but clowns don't deserve that slander. I’m going to rip some of their logic here and then get into privilege. 

Uhhhh does Emilia not exist or??? Because I'm pretty sure she didn't agree w this for Dany (nor did anyone who understands narrative).

And this! Good hella grief. As someone who didn't always love fantasy novels (now I do!) I can say that fantasy novels aren't inferior, and while it's fine to prefer the politics of GoT, the real story is and has always been rooted in the fantasy genre. To remove it is to ruin the story, as we saw. 

Not to mention  they even cut the most important political shake up from the books.. f!Aegon. Who. Literally. Exists. As a deconstruction of a typical fantasy protagonist. Instead they turned Jon into a dull protagonist stereotype w no personality and Dany into a villain when f!Aegon is right there to deconstruct the cliches of the fantasy genre and be an antagonist and you can still get your boom boom fire and screaming incinerated children in King’s Landing shots. 

(Also what part was written to appeal to mothers? The part where you teased an infertile woman getting pregnant then made her go genocidal and die?)

This claim that the story is about "power" shows just how much they don't understand ASOIAF. ASOIAF is a fantasy where magic exists both as a type of power & as something transcending it (like relationships). Like looking back I can see where they went wrong all the way back with Stannis, wherein his arc was made about a desire for power (a la MacBeth) when that isn't his arc in the books. Same w Dany. Supposedly GRRM told them Bran, whose entire plotline is fantasy, is king at the end of the books (my guess is via a spiritual sense more than in a literal sense)... and they still went ahead and cut the fantasy? 

And these men used Daddy’s connections as an expensive film school? They clearly did well on GRRM’s plot but. It’s frustrating, really frustrating, when women and POC will never, ever, ever get that kind of chance. We truly won’t. And they felt it was fine to not give a damn at the end because they had the next opportunity! And the next! They didn’t use their chance well (they didn’t even hire other writers--they didn’t have a writer’s room--showing incredibly hubris) and used millions of dollars in the last few seasons to... not give a damn (like, GRRM wanted it to go on longer and so did HBO, they’re the ones who wanted to rush off to the next thing, which is fine, you’re human, but don’t wreck the generous chance of a lifetime). And meanwhile women and POC who have great ideas get shown the door and if they mess up pilot that costs millions, aren’t given a second chance (like if one female-led blockbuster does badly then we don’t see another one for years). 

Also keep in mind: these ppl who don’t want fantasy are taking Star Wars next. Ha. Hahaha. Ha. -__-

[purplesunrisefanfic]

I wanted to write up what I’m feeling as I work on the next chapter of “Dear” and thought I’d post it as a possible behind the scenes thingy. There’s no way I can find to create a cut on the mobile app so apologies if the code I found doesn’t work and y’all get a text wall.

I’m getting so much out of writing Dear (low-key crazy proud that I’m keeping it up and getting such warm responses). However, every chapter feels harder than the last, I think partly because the more I get awesome feedback from lovely readers, the more I worry about screwing it up. My arcs are only sketched which gives me a lot of chapter-to-chapter creative freedom which I enjoy. Overall, I’m enjoying writing so much. It’s kinda cool being in a position where it’s like “Okay this is a risk to approach it this way,” but then realising there’s a risk for any approach, it’s better that there’s no safe bet, I think.

CW: Mentions of sucidial impulses, TLOU Part 2 ENDING spoilers, mild possible spoilers for the next chapter of Dear.

So I’ve worked at having this really subtle linguistic shift in how everyone, but Dina especially, speaks to each other, trying to have the warmth and trust grow naturally, (and having a reader notice and comment on this gave me all the good feels) but now I’ve got a curve ball for that plan because I’m writing Dina’s letter where she opens up and gets hella mad and tells Ellie how much she’s put her through. On the one hand, it’s a moment of trust because she 1) trusts Ellie to actually process this stuff sensibly and not just run off on another suicide mission in response & 2) She’s actually reached a point where she feels like it’s worth actually bothering to tell this stuff to Ellie — I don’t think Dina is someone who just unloads negative feelings for the sake of it, she’s very orinetated towards moving on, focusing on the good memories and she only really gets mad when there’s an immediate purpose (I’m looking at you, Farmhouse Tommy.) — so in a way it’s like “Fuck you, I fucking hate you but also I don’t totally hate you because otherwise I just wouldn’t bother sharing this with you at all.” But at the same time, it’s still a hurt, fuck you, I know why you did this but also why did you do this type of letter, so it’s hard to know if I’m getting the tone right.

And then there’s Ellie’s reaction. My instinct is that there’s a lot unsent and unsaid before she nails her reaction. I might even dig out some material from the Interpersonal Effectiveness component of DBT to have her draw on. I’m hoping that showing enough of her process along the way will stop it from seeming OOC when she ultimately sends an emotionally mature response. That’s one of the challenges of a story where cannon characters grow and change, because it can be tricky to navigate the line between change and OOC.

My only other challenge right now is that I had a bash at Ellie reacting via drafting some song lyrics, based on something that came to me while I was writing. I’ve been able to draw on some very rusty poetry writing knowledge, but I’m not able to think about them musically (Fun(?) Fact: I actually have something called “beat deafness” which for means that while I can hear a beat on something like a literal metronome on its own, I can’t “hear” a beat when I listen to songs/music proper. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be able to listen to a full song and hear something like that actually.) So with that I’m just gonna push past feeling a bit insecure and hope it comes off alright.

I’m still in lockdown so I’ve been blessed that I can write most days (my bank account is less blessed, but there’s nothing I can do and my credit limit is pretty high so I’m just leaving that be for now). I’ve also finally felt emotionally able to replay Part 2 so the rest of today is gonna be a mix of Dear’s next chapter and killing a bunch of NPC dudes (I’m into Abby’s section, love that girl but she can’t stealth for shit compared to Ellie. Plus having a kid with me makes me way more brutal tbh. Plus I’m not counting my actions in this NG+ as cannon so 🤷‍♀️)

If anyone read this (and I really don’t mind if no one did), then I hope you got something out of it and you’re always welcome to chat fic, ask stuff etc on my inbox if you’d like. Hope you have a good one.

[zamancollective]

The Constructive Agony of Talking Politics at Shabbat (Or How to Survive a Debate with Your Relatives) 

By Gabriella Kamran  

Illustration by Sophie Levy

I wasn’t yet 20 years old and I had already forgotten what it felt like to join my relatives for Shabbat dinner and eat brisket without a side of political commentary. Was that a new phenomenon? Was I too busy spitting tomatoes into napkins as a child that I didn’t notice the moral axioms being thrown above my head? Regardless, charged conversation after charged conversation gradually emerged from background noise while I chewed to a dynamic that captured my interest and charted the course of my intellectual development. 

It seems accurate to say that I entered the fray around the same time I started buying my own clothes. These were the early teenage years: I was testing the waters of feminism, experimenting with political Facebook posts, and learning that not everything I believe to be true is, in fact, the truth. Every young person has a moment of realization that adults can sometimes be profoundly wrong. Mine took place gradually over a series of weekly dinners, as my male relatives argued and I felt an arsenal of my own opinions weighing in my chest. 

I will say with no qualifiers that it is difficult for a fourteen-year-old girl to wedge herself into a conversation with several adult men. First, there is the issue of a quiet voice, not yet amplified by the support of social affirmation. Then there is the matter of being taken seriously — that is, the unspoken surprise that I was not in the living room talking to my girl cousins about nail polish. 

(The aunts, for their part, either ladled soup in the kitchen or listened at the table, inserting a comment when appropriate. For a long time, I interpreted their disinterest as ignorance or resignation to gender norms, but with maturity one gets better at recognizing weariness. I remember once my jaw dropped when a cousin’s grandmother expressed a political opinion out loud- something about Hillary’s foreign policy. I hated myself for being so shocked that she’d have something to say.) 

I learned quickly that family debate is rocky terrain. The post-meal discussion usually unfolded as follows: 

Man 1: This ObamaCare is going to put doctors out of business, I’m telling you. 

Man 2: Just awful. The liberals are pushing us towards socialism. Aunt: We’re just giving more and more money to the lazy bums. Me: What about the majority of poor people who aren’t lazy and were born into poverty? I don’t think anyone genuinely wants to be on welfare. 

Man 2: Oh, no. We send our kids to the conservative schools and they still get brainwashed by liberals. 

Man 1: Question everything your teachers tell you, Gabs. They have an agenda. An agenda. 

Alternatively, the “elders” card was pulled and the conversation stopped short: 

Me: I don’t think you should call people _____ 

Relative: You can’t speak to me like that. How can you disrespect your family?

The more politically conscious I became, the more these dinners began to wear on my nerves. At school, I was learning so much I could almost feel my mind growing into itself. The classic teenage practice of finding oneself was in full force for me as I wrote school newspaper op-eds in my successive editor positions and defined myself in the lines of my rhetoric. Dinner with relatives sucked this pride out of my chest and pulled the plug on my budding confidence. I oscillated between righteous indignation that prompted me to sit firmly in place when the political debate started during our meal and outright fear that anyone would ask me at any point in the night about something of more import than my week’s activities. Family dinners became a matter of fight or flight.  

I took refuge in journalism and books. They seemed to possess more certainty than my relatives’ armchair sociological analyses. I read Betty Friedan, Ta Nehisi Coates, Ari Shavit… and the fact that I considered these all to be radical texts is indicative of how intimidated I felt in political terms. My progressive ideals were no longer inclinations; I could use words like “neoliberal” and “reactionary” to match my relatives’ rhetorical skill. Vocabulary aside, however, a gulf persisted between me and some of the men in my family.

What was this gulf, exactly? Was it a generational gap? Surely an ideological divide existed between every new crop of cousins, fathers and daughters, uncles and nieces. Common wisdom dictates that naïve youth will always be more progressive and open-minded than their older counterparts. It seemed to me, though, that something more was at play here. These Shabbat dinners meant more than a blasé tidal shift in opinions, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. 

The time came for me to go to college, and I was surrounded for the first time by a collection of politically conscious people who had enough intellectual acuity to rigorously critique the elder generation’s values. 

I met friends who told me their grandparents were “hella liberal” and still smoked weed on the weekends, and I beheld these friends in awe. This must have been the diversity they extolled in admissions brochures, the expansion of horizons — but which one of us was living in a bubble? Then there were the students who seemed to have swallowed their relatives’ platitudes like pills, rolling their eyes when they passed a student protest or snickering at T.A.’s requests to state our preferred gender pronouns. These students made me the most uneasy.  

Mostly, though, college brought me a network of friends who shared my experience. By this time we had all developed standby strategies to deal with opinionated table talk: some blocked out the rhetoric and ate their khoresht in peace, and some, like me, often ventured back into the weekly scuffles like moths to a partisan flame.  

But, of course, it was more than righteous indignation that pulled me back into the tides of argument. The supposed radical leftist hegemony on college campuses gave my relatives plenty of dinner table fodder on the nights when I made the ten-minute journey from my dorm to their dining rooms. They particularly liked to raise an issue with my chosen minor, Gender Studies, which they denounced as man-hating. As they prodded me about my professors in order to attack their liberal agendas, I felt the familiar nagging anxiety: Was the leftist haven I found in college making me tone-deaf, insular under the pretense of high-minded morality? I felt obligated to listen to every dismissal of Hillary Clinton, every racial slur, and every condemnation of Islam. This was my internal protest at their accusations of narrow-mindedness. 

I still wondered what was really new in our political conversations. Topics had changed — Obama and McCain became Hillary and Trump, Al Qaeda became ISIS, gay became LGBTQIA+ — but the emotions I had as a young progressive facing several elder conservatives were constant. What were we all feeling during those semi-heated exchanges? We one-upped each other and attacked arguments at weak points, but what was the seed of all this debate? Perhaps it was a sense of familial betrayal. 

We swear to keep family and business separate but there is no such promise when it comes to politics, although we know they are equally divisive. “The personal is political” is also true in reverse — to disparage someone’s worldview is an affront to their world. Political standpoints are currents that run deeper than the surface waters of opinion. Debate is healthy and insult is not, and the line between them is fine. 

One August night before my freshman year of college, one family member reminded me once again to question everything my professors would tell me.  

“These are a different kind of people. Really liberal. They don’t think like us.” 

I wondered briefly what he meant by “us,” considering our often radically divergent opinions. He had been at the dinner table all these years — could it be that he never truly listened to me? 

My cousin leaned toward me, interrupting my thoughts. 

“Or you could come back from college a flaming liberal, and we’ll still love you.”

 I was struck by the resonance of my cousin’s joke, and I still think about it often. By the very merit of calling one another family, we make an implicit promise to stand by one another and love unconditionally – that is, regardless of ideology. When we sit across the dining room table, embroidered white tablecloth stretching between us, and launch attacks intended not to teach, not to strengthen, but to change, there is a sense of combat that doesn’t belong in a family. These mealtime political debates are not a leisurely pastime but a battle driven by an attempt to win, and to win means to vanquish. Hovering over the platters of chicken and tadig is an intention to change one another, and the promise of loyalty feels contingent upon your next comeback.  

Isn’t that what families do, though? We change each other. Any amateur psychologist will tell you that our personalities begin at home. Parents, and to an extent other relatives, are charged with the responsibility of edifying their children. It takes a village, and a large part of this is the admonitions and proverbs of the villagers. Perhaps my relatives feel this weight of social obligation propelling them forward as they critique my beliefs. They crave my confirmation that they are succeeding in their efforts. Maybe when I push back and hold my own, they feel some kind of failure. 

There’s a Jewish parable in which a sage, faced with a crowd of scholars who disagree with his judgment, asks God to determine who is correct. God declines to comment. The wise men debate and eventually move forward with a decision. From heaven, God laughs with joy: “My sons have defeated me!” 

The goal of true mentorship has never been indoctrination. Young people look to their beloved elders to create some kind of safe space to learn to walk, to stumble, to mess up. The goal is that eventually, the pupil becomes the teacher. A student who recites their teachers’ talking points is a student lost.  

Through the ages, a 7 p.m. roundtable over plates of freshly-cooked dinner has been the family’s classroom. The curriculum is set by the routine inquiries of “What did you learn at school today?” and, “How was work?” Some families study in groups of three, and some are lucky enough to learn alongside dozens. I should hope that men in my family take enough interest in my growth to stretch my mind and challenge my thinking. So, too, should they hope I prove them wrong sometimes.