#it feels like ive succeeded in explaining who they are

[kucherovv]

college summer break is kind of just school assigned rumination time. like enjoy 4 months off to do fuckall and spend hours thinking about your trauma

[oceanwithouthermoon]

ive seen you say terusai is implied a lot but i dont remember ever seeing you explain why you think that

yeah now that you say it, i dont think ive ever gone into depth about it 😭 its really hard to put my thoughts into words because its sooo much, i started writing a long analysis recently on their relationship, why i believe they have feelings for each other, and why they would work but itll probably sit unfinished in my drafts for a while

for now, i'll give you a few of my most noteworthy thoughts...

the mixer scene has teruhashi unknowingly proving to saiki that her feelings are true, and he accepts that and stops trying to get her to stop pursuing him. i dont believe he ever actually makes any REAL effort to try to stop her from liking him ever again after this. he genuinely hadnt acknowledged her feelings as true or at least not as deep yet, which is why he thinks hes succeeding at getting her to move on until she proves that not only is she still thinking of him, but shes NOT thinking of a fake version of him... shes thinking of HIM... she genuinely enjoys his company even when hes doing nothing but sitting there (which is factually and obviously what he wouldve been doing in this situation, people deny that for some odd reason but like. thats what he does. with ANYONE. even his own family and everyone else who knows of his powers.) and wants him around... i think some part of him stopped because he felt guilty for not believing her feelings were true and trying to control her heart despite her genuine intentions, and another part of him was realizing that he doesnt WANT her to stop having feelings for him... otherwise, why would he drag the other guys away WHILE acknowledging that she wouldnt have gone with them anyway??? after inserting himself into a rock paper scissors game for who gets to be the one to be with her???? HELLO?

and the offu, although i dont believe it was a direct declaration of him being in love with her or whatever, has obvious canon romantic connotations... teruhashis determination is something saiki has admired about her since the very beginning, but it isnt until THIS moment that he thinks in depth about what that entails... she makes him realize all at once that she truly IS the type of person he admires most... and his "offu" is exactly what teruhashi needs, she would have a straight up epiphany if she knew about it, because he DIDNT gasp at how beautiful she is, or anything she forced herself to do, or when she forced herself to CHANGE, he ONLY gasped when she let herself embrace a part of herself that was REAL and TRUE, her unwavering dedication and pride.

THIS chapter is where they both have huge realizations about themselves and each other, and they both prove that theyre more than willing to meet in the middle for the other...

saiki lives his life forcing himself to blend into the background, not because he genuinely wants to but because hes afraid to be SEEN.

teruhashi lives her life forcing herself to be perfect and the center of attention, not because she genuinely enjoys it but because she believes she wont get the validation she feels she needs if she doesnt give everyone exactly what they want from her.

and yet, here saiki is, allowing himself to jump into the spotlight and be seen catching teruhashi out of nowhere and carrying her to the nurse. and here teruhashi is, allowing herself to be seen being imperfect, forgetting something, and not caring about her conversation with these men. FOR EACH OTHER. they both let themselves break down a wall because they care more about the other than about the fake selves they dedicate their entire lives to, THEIR GENUINE CARE FOR EACH OTHER GIVES THEM THE COURAGE TO DO THAT.

and this is probably the number one reason why i think their feelings for each other are implied... this alternate timeline is quite clearly one where saiki is more open with his friends, and he and teruhashi ARE DATING in this universe. theres absolutely no other explanation for the author writing that. he spelled out "IF SAIKI WERE MORE OPEN WITH HIS FRIENDS, HE WOULD BE DATING TERUHASHI"

the saiki of that timeline isnt exactly the same as the saiki we know of course, and their relationship will not develop in the same way, but theres clearly intention behind this and it wouldnt be written and called attention to if there was no significance, youd have to jump through hoops to deny that 😭

overall, i think they both have a lot of work to do on themselves before they can be in a relationship, but not only do i believe they WILL eventually get there but also that they both need each other on their personal journey to get to that point, or at least that they are and will continue to be important in the others journey there, and their romantic feelings for each other are so clear... these two are so important to one another...

[shadowlinktheshadow]

hello hi I am here to ask about the Shadow and Green thing hehe

um. 💀 well first problem is that that green doodle was done at 11 or so at night so I did that on a whim 💀💀

second is I remember what I was thinking of at the time but im not sure if I can explain it well 💀💀💀

ANYWAYS

rereading the four swords manga over and over, Green has started to grow on me as a character and I REALLY wish he had more screentime

sure, he got the whole desert temple to himself, the one to meet tingle, the one to fight Vio...

but especially at the end? I feel like hes a little forgotten. it gets a little iffy after the encounter in the dark forest (which. cant blame them. theyre writing off of canon) and with the whole shadow fight the attention is really on Shadow and Vio I feel

so ive been juggling an idea that what if Green had been the one to he launched into the dark forest with Shadow?

(tbf if he did people would complain that he had TOO MUCH screentime but. im a sucker for him so too bad >:) )

my main point for this is that I feel like Green and Shadow relate harder to "Link"

the reason for Shadow and Vio to have gotten together was that Vio was "different". Shadow saw Vio as independent and smart and wanted to exploit that. (I dont know what im sayingg) but its kinda surface level. "you're different. im different. let's hang"

but for Green and Shadow it's the same thing but with a new factor; Link.

im sorry to say as a Green fan now, but when I first read the book I was a "Green is just Link lol" believer (IM SORRY) I honestly thought he had no purpose besides being their guiding force for rescuing Zelda and driving the story forward 💀

there was a point that really changed my view (cant remember who) but their post made me start thinking of the responsibilities of carrying the color "green". he said himself in the manga, "I'm wearing green so im the leader! (IM the closest to Link!!)" but there's no way he didnt carry even a bit of pressure, a bit of worry in himself

because he WASNT Link.

just 1/4 of the real deal, a fragment of the original, a copy.

and for me, Shadow is the same deal. he was the reflection of Link, his Shadow. the same carbon copy and yet a whole another person at the same time.

that frustration. that sadness and anger at yourself for not being someone who is EXACTLY LIKE YOU. the person who everyone thinks you are. WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

if Green was trapped with Shadow, I dont think he'd have Vio's wit to immediately think of a plan that had a 50/50 chance of actually succeeding on the spot, so I think itd be more of Shadow weakening him. projecting his own thoughts onto Green, to make him feel the same pain. maybe Green already feels that way? then maybe to bubble up those emotions.

(im rereading this over (I wrote this first thing in the morning. its 10 pm now) and uh. I dont know what im talking about I hope this comes across at least a little coherently 💀💀💀)

[romanestuffsposts]

hi love your writing so much and you seem so sweet :) would you feel comfortable writing about reader who has to wear pull-ups and feels embarrassed about it but her daddies comfort her and make her feel better about it? maybe she even tries to take them off or hide them but daddies explain it’s ok that she needs to wear them? as someone who struggles with incontinence due to a health issue ive been very embarrassed in the past. thank you sm!

Hi there love! 💜

Thank you so much for this sweet request! I'm so sorry something bad happened and that it made you feel that way! I really hope you're doing better now <3

Enjoy <33

****

Warnings : pulls up, reassurance, cuddles, pet names, teasing, bath time, changing time

Pairings : daddies!Stucky ; Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We love you the way you are

****

"stop moving" your Daddy groans. He grabs your little toes and keeps them in his strong hand so he can paint your toenails without being kicked.

You giggle because it's so funny to annoy him. It's been ten minutes and he only paints two nails. He's being really careful so he doesn't exceed.

His tongue even stick out of his lips every once in a while. Just like you when you're oncentrate on something really important for you. So the fact that he sticks his tongue out make you blush.

"if Daddy doesn't hurry up with your little nails we'll have to change the water of your bath because it's gonna be colder than the ice" Your Papa jokes as he leans against the armrest, where your head is resting

You laugh at his teasing while your Daddy rolls his eyes "i'm not that slow" he says "and why did you already prepared her bath ? You knew it'll take me time to do that" he complains, pointing at your toenails.

"how should i know it'll take you so much time to do such a simple thing. It takes me only ten minutes" he shurgs, winking down at you.

You grin up at your Papa and bite your lower lip as you look back down at your Daddy "get out" your Daddy sternly says. Your eyes widen because you thought he was serious but when you hear your Papa laughing behind you, your face relax.

"want me to finish ?" He asks, nodding at your Daddy's hand who's painting now your third nail. "No, I wanna do it" he mumbles as he frowns down because he tries to concentrate and everyone is distracting him.

"Okay" Your Papa laughs "We'll just add hot water in her bath when you're done" He leaves the living room to go in the kitchen to finish the dishes while your Daddy start the fourth nail.

You watch him struggling but still succeeding and after minutes, almost one hour, he's finally done.

He breathes out a long breath and sits back up "here. Done’’ he smiles satisfied as he looks down at his work ‘´we just have to wait some minutes so the last nails can dry and then, bath time’’ he winks.

Like he said, after some minutes he checks if it’s dry and since he got up and lifts you up in his arms, you assume your nails were ready.

He walks upstairs and sits you on the counter of the sink making you grimace at the uncomfortable things that’s in your pants now.

See the things is, you were having such a good time in the couch with your Daddies and then with only your Daddy that you didn’t wanted to move nor disturbing him. You really thought you could hold on until he’s done but you forget he’s much more slower than your Papa..

Your Daddy starts to undress you, he removes your shirt, he lets your hair falls down and then he lifts you up so he can grab your pants and panties.

He stops his movements and looks down ‘´oh’’ was his only reaction.

You look down, ashamed, and wait for him to yell at you or showing you how annoyed he is because of you.

But the only thing he does is kneeling Infront of you and stroking your cheek with his thumb ‘’look at me baby girl’’ he softly say

Your bright eyes meet his beautiful one. His gaze is soft and loving, the opposite of what you expected.

‘’It’s okay’’ he smiles as he tilts his head ‘’it happens sometimes, you don’t need to be ashamed of it’’ he kisses your nose ‘’we’ll just clean you before you bath and after we’ll put something that will help you if it happens again today, alright ?’´ he stands up and lifts you up so you would sit on the changing table

‘’No’ you pout as you shake your legs ‘’don wanna pulls up’’ you whine.

‘’baby doll’’ he sighs, he rests his hands on each side of you and looks at you deep in the eyes ‘’nothing will change, you would just wear those pulls up instead of your panties but nothing else will change’´ he drops his forehead against yours ‘’we will not find you disgusting or weird because you need it. You’re still our pretty, joyful and innocent little princess’’

You smile a little through your discomfort and nod your head. You let your Daddy cleans you, his soft voice that’s reassuring you each time he sees you wiggling on the table or his gentle caresses on your belly helped you getting through that.

After your bath, he changed you into your pulls up, even tho you tried to negotiate with him to not put it on you -you obviously failed- and then walked with you, hands in hands , downstairs.

He brings you to the kitchen and sits you on the counter so you can be near your Papa who’s cooking ‘’how is my big girl going ?’’ He asks with a soft smile as he peers at you.

You groan because you’re not happy with the fact that you have to wear a pulls up and kick your heels in the cupboard underneath you

‘’Hey! None of that here’’ your Daddy warns as he points at you.

You let out a crying whine before looking away. They both know you have trouble accepting the fact that sometimes you need pulls up or a bottle or a paci for sleeping but who cares ? They find it adorable and love preparing it for you.

After eating, you quickly and discreetly disappeared to the bathroom, you did what you had to do in there and then come back down immediately. They don’t say a thing because they thought you were at the toilet when in fact… you were doing something else.

When the time for changing you came, you didn’t say a thing which surprised both of your Daddies. They walked with you upstairs -since they’re gonna put you to bed right after, they’re both there- and when your Daddy went to grab a pull up while your Papa undressed you, he noticed something was wrong

‘’Buck ?’´ He calls

‘’Mh ?’’ Bucky answers as he removes your pull up.

You bite your lower lip.

‘’Where did you put the pulls up box ?’’ He asks after checking each cupboard.

‘’Where it usually is’’ Bucky chuckles, still looking down as he’s cleaning you.

‘’Yea, well it’s not there’’

Bucky frowns and looks up at his husband ‘’you sure ?’’ This one nod.

Both of them look down at you and from the moon on your face, they both know immediately.

‘’Little one ?’’ Your Daddy says. You’re not even looking in their eyes, it’s so obvious now, more than before.

‘’What did you do ?’´ he asks, both is his hand resting on your hip

‘’Nothin’ ´’

He raised an eyebrow making you wanting to look away

‘’Didn’t do anythin!’’ You shake your head ‘’wanted to pee but then I saw the pull up sumping by the window’’ you say playing with your fingers.

‘’try again’’ your Daddy sternly says

Your face drops and you look down, giving them the answer they were waiting ‘’now tell us where it is’’

‘’Under ‘m bed’’ you mumble.

Your papa goes get it and comes back with the box on his hands ‘’here’’ he gives one to Bucky

Your Daddy changed you while you stay completely quiet, your eyes fixed on your fingers.

‘’Look at us, please’’ your Papa grabs your hand and you look up at him, you see your Daddy standing beside him

‘’There’s nothing wrong with needing a pull up, sweetie. It’s just a plus, this is not for degrading you or making you feel guilty because you can’t hold it’’ he tilts his head

‘’We love you’’ your daddy says ‘’we love every aspect of you, no matter what it is. We love all of the things that make you yourself, even that’s

‘’Even that’’ your Papa repeats ‘’there’s nothing you need to be ashamed of when it comes to us’’

‘´Yeah, you’re so weird that we’re used to it now. Nothing shock is anymore’ your Daddy teases you making you giggle, just like he wanted.

‘’Now about we read a wonderful story before closing those beautiful eyes of yours ?’’ Your Papa proposes.

You nod and let him carrying you to the bedroom. You start rubbing your eyes as soon as your neck touches the mattress. Your Daddy clicked his tongue in his mouth and removes your hands, he kisses your eyes softly before laying beside you

He hates when you’re too agressive with your eyes.

As soon as the caring and loving voice of your Papa is heard, your mind is softly slipping away.

All worries with your need forgotten for the night in your Daddies bed, under the protection of their loves and their arms.

[nerves-nebula]

one thing i find mildly embarrassing (not in the normal sense of the word but w/e) is my complete disconnect from basically any history or culture or ancestry i could've had? this comes up sometimes when i write characters, like for example, i'm still developing the Hanheppi religion and one thing ive been thinking about is how important ancestry is in some religions.

I had a religious architecture class a while back and we watched some videos of these indigenous Australian people doing some collaborative art and the mother was talking to the kid, explaining every step of the lineage on the art piece they were working on and it was really wonderful. And in a lot of my research & other stuff with religion I keep coming across this idea of ancestry and heritage and community and how important that shit can be but. basically.

it keeps reminding me that my characters, especially the hanheppi ones, should probably have some sort of connection to the past? Like, probably a pretty significant one? Hanheppi people are humans, they're supposed to be raised in a culture that values their history and lineage. its supposed to be very communal. but because I've never really experienced that I often forget to include it or mention it and its like. hhhah.

i don't? know? how to do that. I don't know what its like for your community to be an important part of your identity, i don't even know what it's like for your extended or immediate family to be an important part of your identity. my parents succeeded in making me feel completely disconnected from everything i could possibly have built community on. i'm uninterested into looking into where i came from because frankly it sounds terrible. it sounds like people who wouldn't accept me anyway, so i have no interest in that. I live in my head the way I always have. but it does leave me kind of empty. and i feel like it leaves my characters pretty empty too, especially the ones who are supposed to be very invested in their communities.

oh well :p

[crowlore]

so ive been trying to explain some character dynamics to friends who haven’t watched rvb

a selection of ramblings from the last two days copy pasted from discord:

i won't say *too much* just yet bc what little the show actually gives us to go on is contained to the recollection (seasons 6-8) and i'd hate to give away any more of what one of the best arcs in the show still has in store for michael. BUT! ☝️ suffice it to say i think one of the greatest tragedies of the show (and yes, i am biased) is that we don't get to really dig into wash and epsilon's relationship.. epsilon is the alpha fragment representing the concept of memory, and as such in creating him, alpha stored the memories of his torture in epsilon. every freelancer on the project was part of a different experiment, and there's no doubting that the director was testing *something* by implanting epsilon in washington. the counsellor may claim that the complications that arose from that were not intended, but we can't be sure. we can only say for certain that being implanted in wash triggered something in the already unstable epsilon, and that by multiple people's accounts it did the closest thing an ai can do to committing suicide while still meshed with wash's consciousness. the fact that washington not only experienced alpha's memories of torture stored in epsilon, but hid that fact so thoroughly that he was able to use them to enact revenge on project freelancer down the road, is never really acknowledged by epsilon. we *do* know that epsilon harbors very severe feelings towards wash after being extracted from him and put into storage - something of a parallel to how tucker and caboose feel abandoned by church (both his alpha and epsilon variations), and this should mean something! it should matter more than washington is so intensely averse to having an ai implanted in him after epsilon, it should matter that epsilon has a grudge against washington for not being able to handle it, it should matter that they trigger such intense reactions in one another when they're reunited!! but the show doesn't put them in a position where they're forced to discuss the trauma inflicted on them both (and i say forced intentionally. i know these two are NOT voluntarily having a clear and easy talk about this topic of all things)

but like. yes. the show Does address that tucker at one point holds resentment towards wash for basically forcefully taking over church’s “place” on the team, and i really like that drama for them both! even if everyone in this show sucks and is an asshole, church Was both tucker and caboose’s best friend. (alpha) church dies in season 6 when tucker isn’t even around. he doesn’t get to say goodbye to his best friend. and when he returns in season 7, not only does epsilon church take alpha church’s place and everyone is just kinda expected to roll with it and act like it’s the same guy (it’s not) but then when wash joins the blues tucker never EVER (rightfully) blames him for his part in alpha church’s death! now, alpha church was the only person wash ever told he was doing what he did in season 6 not just for himself but for epsilon as well (wash is a character repeatedly defined by his desire to use violence to get revenge or enact his definition of justice) so it makes sense why epsilon’s first reaction towards seeing wash again post-implantation is rage. from epsilon’s perspective, wash rejected him when he was breaking down in their shared consciousness. epsilon doesn’t know what wash wanted to get revenge for what was done to them both - and that he succeeded on some level. and this is never discussed! it is never Once addressed! epsilon FREAKS OUT seeing wash again and that’s IT. it’s never talked about, it’s never worked out, it’s just Dropped. tucker gets like. one or two lines towards wash and epsilon for both poorly haunting the space left by his best friend and beyond one argument between each of them in seasons 11 and 12, it’s just. Not talked about. and i think that’s a shame!!

[mihai-florescu]

Can u explain to me the significance of anzu. If u wanna

Signed, someone that only knows of her as the self insert protag and wasn t aware she s somehow very important (i dont go here but i like hearin u talk about it)

Yes! Anzu is a character in her own right with a full backstory that expands beyond enstars actually, in ensemble girls, to the point where it makes me wonder at what point they decided to make enstars to show what she's been up to after leaving kimisaki (the school in engirls. There she is called angie, both angie and anzu are references to the pronounciation of the game titles themselves). She's also the older sister of the protagonist of engirls, a male transfer student from yumenosaki into kimisaki (the plot of engirls takes place in enstars 2 era, so her brother is actually still at yumenosaki during the first year of enstars, he's in the general course though, not the idol one).

The reason Anzu transfered is after a failed revolution she was part of in kimisaki. In that game she is a sort of ghost haunting the narrative, where a lot of characters still mention her (and compare iirc?) to her younger brother. I cant speak much of how this impacts him, ive only read a limited number of engirls stories, mostly ones from before he transferred. Heard the game ends with a timeloop he has to break, so im very curious to one day find a translation for That. So while that's happening over at kimisaki, but let's get back to enstars, where anzu gets another chance at a successful revolution and falls in love with idols in the process. Her presence and trickstars revolution solidifies that things are changing from the war into a hopeful future, the student council arent undefeatable, and there are still new characters that can appear and impact the flow of the story.

When trickstar were broken up by fine she stays and helps in the DDD in a way where, without her, trickstars revolution wouldnt have succeeded. She puts on a mask and joins on stage when the only other member left in the unit was subaru, and the minimum number of people to be qualified to perform is 2. She calls people from her old school in the crowd, amd her brother calls general course students, whose support for her trickstar lead to winning the first live against knights and make way for them to progress to the finals. In the end during the DDD finale it's her vote that makes the difference, going into overtime and making trickstar win. She's a regular person, not a genius, not even an idol, who had impacted the course of events time and time again until the end. She supported Trickstar's revolution, joined them on stage as support, i'd say she is the glue of the unit that helped keep it floating, made it a place to return to. On a grander scale, Anzu is a character who gets a second chance at a successful revolution that ends in happiness, something she had failed at kimisaki. Trickstar are the miracle that changes yumenosaki, but that wouldnt have been possible without anzu's support. Their 5th member.

A critique i see sometimes is that everyone ends up liking her for no reason but...thats not true? Many characters welcome her as a breath of fresh air and a needed new perspective, but others are aprehensive and untrusting in the beginning, it's not like her presence alone magically fixes everything as a deus ex machina or anything, she's actively working hard, to the point where she jeopardizes her own health in the process. And it's also not like she acts the same with all idols either, or doesnt have her own personality and input, she directly impacts their character arcs through her treatment, like in kaoru's case comes to mind first.

This is for ! era at least. I feel more confident talking about that one than !!, where she is part of the P association and experiences hardships and is undermined there, but i am not the person to talk about that as i dont feel like my knowledge of her role there is nearly good enough.

[girltakovic]

word vomit as i try to parse a work frustration. stand by

so since ive been back to work i'm having a bit of an issue with one of the sous chefs - basically he's new to expoing and gets really nervous when we're in the weeds, and instead of focusing on calling the tickets correctly (ahem.) he tries to "help" me with my dishes, often without explaining to me what he's doing or how this will affect my all-day totals. and as you can imagine this makes me a little insane! i appreciate that he's trying to help keep ticket times down, but on the other hand: oh my god i need him to fuck off entirely and do his mf job and let me do mine. correctly, perferably, but im open to a solid c+ in accuracy if that's all he's feeling up to at this point.

so given that, we had a particularly busy service a couple of weeks ago and he was being particularly invasive vis-à-vis starting and finishing dishes without telling me, and at one point i was standing directly behind him holding a frying pan full of smoking clarified butter while he was standing directly in front of my hot pan tray. so i told him "hey man, you need to move." those were my exact words. verbatim. but apparently he did not see the giant pan full of boiling fluid in my hands and thought i was just telling him to fuck off? i guess? because he got his feelings hurt and told our executive chef about it, who has proceeded to dance around the issue to me and only vaguely indicate that the sous is trying to help and that we should just all get along. which if you know me at all you know that succeeded in doing little else besides pissing me off. so today another, higher ranking sous pulled me aside and told me that the ec is going to tell me that my ticket times have been too high, and that she knows it's because of the weird dynamic between me and The Meddler and basically that im not in trouble as far as she's concerned, but that the ec is going to be all mealymouthed about it and tell me to let The Meddler do his meddling. and i appreciate the warning from her 1000% but im debating whether or not to kind of give the ec a piece of my mind about all this, because its making me feel insane. like apparently the meddler is saying in his weekly diagnostic emails that my ticket times are too high, but he won't say that to my face, which makes me want to take a filet from the fridge and put it in my mouth and shake ir really hard like a dog trying to kill a squirrel to be completely transparent.

this is a completely separate discussion but i have made my peace with the fact that im just not a very empathetic person, but i cannot stand working in a place where i feel like i'll be told im not being a team player if i try to take charge of what i'm working on and not let other people take the lead on my station. like i know im very territorial when it comes to that kind of thing, im an only child so i don't play well with others, im well aware of that. however, i don't think standing around and not telling people when they're doing something that's hampering the effectiveness of the team is going to get us anywhere!! i'd much rather be told "hey, hurry the fuck up and plate that" than have to wonder what i'm doing wrong because two out of three of my direct superiors have little bitch disease. and on the flip side i want to be able to say "hey man, i'll finish my tickets if you'll get back to expo and take a minute to figure out an (accurate) all day, and then delegate from there." without feeling like the sous is gonna get the vapors about it and tell the ec that im harshing his vibe and now his feewings awe huwt 🥺. because quite frankly i don't care if i hurt his feelings, especially not if he's doing something that's throwing everybody off and making our ticket time problem worse. im sorry but that's the only way i know how to put it. they have little bitch disease. and it's terminal.

i feel like i need to tell the ec all of that so that he'll get his head out of his ass and grow a pair essentially, but i also like my job and don't want to get fired. but i also don't want all our communication issues to get even worse, because with the way the ec runs things they will get worse because nobody has the requisite balls to tell each other when they're doing something that's dragging other people down. anyway. this has just been an exercise to help me organize my thoughts so that i don't tell the man who signs my paycheck that he's being a pussy to his face. go in peace and i'll let you all know if i get fired

[celestialpotat0]

Bleed Blue

The Devil Wears Flannel. Happy Halloween!

didn't feel sad anymore since the last post. ive genuinely felt happy ever since my last post, and have been thinking, this feels like my normal self. i usually feel this happiness. when i think back on it, i believe there was a pattern. the times i felt really sad were triggered by something happening at work. during my last post i felt like it came out of nowhere, i couldnt pinpoint anything specific at the time that caused it. which led me to believe that it mustve had general causes that must be hiding.

but ive since realized that there were things at work that triggered the sadness, i just didn't know on those days how much they affected me deep down. likewise, when ive felt really sad in the past, i now can identify triggers at work that caused it. they hurt me more than i knew, so that while i was at work i'd stay focused on work and distracted by work, but once i got home and had time to feel, the emotions revealed themselves. i had mistakenly attributed the sadness to more general factors in my life, because i was blind to how much the events from work hurt me.

last week i got sick, leading me to take a sick day from work for the very first time since i started this full-time job 3 years ago. but last week i was unmistakably, undeniably sick. i felt so guilty for not being able to work and was trying to persuade myself that I could get through a work shift, but i truly was too sick to work. i was having a hard time believing that i got sick, because my immune system is usually too strong. ive been strangely immune to covid, incapable of catching covid, once again tested negative.

and if i hadn't been sick, i would have worked evening shifts last week and wouldve missed the final 2 games of the world series. if i hadn't gotten sick for the first time since starting this job 3 years ago, i 1000% would have missed the games, because i NEVER call off sick. then i just so happened to get sick last week. so i was really giving myself a hard time about getting sick and really didn't want to call off sick (it's nice to have an attendance streak going), but there was some good that came out of it:

i am really grateful that i got to watch the games live (on tv, not in person). the iconic moments in this world series, the end of game 1, being down by 5 points in game 5 only to come back in a single inning and go on to win the championship in the same game. i'm so inspired by the dodgers, seeing these guys hustle out there and play the way they did, their heart was in it, they wanted it. they set their mind to it and achieved it, it's beautiful. because i was stuck on the couch at home instead of at work, with every pitch i got to feel the suspense and emotions, those moments thinking you will probably lose the game but then coming out victorious. and it just means so much more when it's the Dodgers! <3 baseball has a way of bringing me genuine happiness. and i know it sounds so boneheaded. i can't explain exactly why i care so much about some strangers winning a game, or why i have so much affection toward a team who doesn't know i exist. there's something so exciting about seeing the people you're rooting for end up succeeding! not to mention im in awe of their athleticism and drive. you get this idea that all those drills and hard work they put into their game paid off.

on friday, i told myself that i'd intentionally have a day completely off. and the only reason i had this mentality was a direct result of my illness. i told myself that if i was going to spend a precious vacation day because of illness, i was going to make damn sure that my day off didn't go to waste. i couldnt make it back home to the dodgers parade for just a single day off (though i heavily debated it); i was back at work on halloween evening and saturday. so on friday i didn't cook, didn't clean, didn't exercise, didn't do errands, only washed dishes. i realized how novel it was for me to have this mentality for a day off, where i completely remove all expectations for myself to do anything obligatory. it made such a huge difference for my mental health, made me feel that living is joyful in the day-to-day. so that im not just waiting for my next vacation, not spending all my time working. i really needed that. it just made life feel so much happier and more manageable. yesterday i failed to effectively use my day off. so i resolve to work on this. i am grateful for getting sick to teach me how to truly take a day off.

today is election day. my emotions are running high, im scared and nervous. i cast my vote and everything else is all out of my control.

still have a runny nose and cough and it's been 10 days.

wanted to include this pic as a reminder of people's kindness toward me. Thank you so much to our nurses for showing your appreciation! makes me want to uplift others too ^_^

[bloglutfi]

Revealing Denny Ja’s elected work 37: Terrorism facts that touch the heart

In the world of Indonesian literature, Denny Ja is one of the writers who has produced his best work. His work not only entertains, but also gives a different point of view in understanding the social phenomena that are around us. One of his selected works that deserves to be revealed is the 37th work entitled “Factor of Terrorism that Touching the Heart”. In this article, we will explore some interesting facts in the work.    I. Terrorism as a global threat  Explain what is terrorism and why it is a serious global threat.  Discussing the various types of terrorism in the world today.    II. Denny JA’s background  Introducing Denny JA as a famous writer and intellectual.  Discuss influence and inspiration in creating his work.    III. Synopsis of selected works  Give a summary of the story of “Terrorism Factor that Touching the Heart”.  Describe the main character in the story.    IV. Interesting facts in the work  Explain some interesting facts revealed in the story.  Discuss the emotional impacts caused by the facts.    V. Effect of Selected Work  Discussing the impact caused by the work on the community.  Describe how this work opens our eyes to the reality that is around us.    VI. Moral and social messages in the work  Identifying the moral and social messages that Denny JA wants to convey.  Discussing the importance of the message in shaping our understanding of terrorism.    VII. Criticism and praise of the work  Seeing how this work was accepted by critics and readers.  Discuss whether this work succeeded in achieving its goals and effective in conveying the messages to be conveyed.    VIII. Conclusion  Conclude this article by describing the importance of the work and how this work can affect us as readers.  Encourage readers to read this work and take lessons from facts that are revealed in the story.    In the 37th elected work of Denny JA, “Factor of Terrorism that touches the heart”, Denny JA brought us on a journey that revealed the dark side of terrorism. Through facts presented, we are not only invited to understand this phenomenon in more depth, but also to feel the emotional impact caused by this crime. This work not only provides information, but also invites us to think and act to prevent terrorism in our society.    Denny Ja, as an experienced writer, is able to convey moral and social messages in a professional way. Karyakarya like this helps us in understanding the complexity of the world that is around us. “Terrorism Factors that touch the heart” is one of the works that should be appreciated and revealed, because it is able to arouse our awareness of the threat of terrorism in this world.    Through this article, we hope that the reader will be inspired to read another Denny Ja work and increase their understanding of terrorism. Hopefully by understanding more in this phenomenon, we can contribute to preventing terrorism and creating a safer and more peaceful world.

Check more: Uncovering the 37th elected work of Denny JA: Terrorism Factors that touch the heart

[thedoormann]

Are you okay with aus/ head cannons of your ocs?

AUs are my beloved I love AUs

Headcanons are ok too as long as they're respectful towards what is canon. My ocs are very personal to me and I put alot of thought into every aspect of who they are so as long as you're respectful its ok! I only say this because I've had people joke about making ooc headcanon stuff canon and it always makes me uncomfortable lol

[violetnaps]

okay here we go

placeholder name - senju

lore - theyre immortal. hell-risen. kill them once and theyll just come back later like nothing happened. ideally they need their physical body externally healed but can go without too. the legend goes that the first senju walked out of hell to serve the soul king, or something. and the only way to really kill them is to physically push them back into hell. which only they themselves can do. their bankai can summon the gates of hell and condemn anyone they feel like into it. also during bankai theyre truly immortal, as in unkillable - cut them and theyll stitch themselves back together with chains. more puppet than person. (kind of reminds of urahara...)

members -

sachiko, the Main Guy, to me. predecessor was old even by senju standards and desperate to die. sired three kids for the purpose of killing her. sachiko is the third. succeeded. doesnt know wtf to do now so goes on to have a chill academy life with hisagi and the others and becomes seventh's lieutenant really soon after graduating. "it's nepotism" it's her and komamura both being freaks and annihilating the training grounds trying to kill each other in lieu of the lieutenancy test or however theyre assigned. hates her zanpakuto and fights most battles with only kido. especially partial to bakudo. sth sth her mom kept killing her over and over and now she'll do anything do never be in pain again.

ukiyo, the second son. failed before he even got started. not a fighter at all. his brother runs away the day sachiko appears (they dont actually know if their mother made them or just found them somewhere, there's never any father in the picture) but he stays and is sachikos actual caretaker, since their mother is only interested in training her.

kofuku, the third gen. sometimes i love the idea of her, sometimes i pretend she doesnt exist. senju baby who was found by a mad scientist. you can imagine how that went. sachiko finds her and sends the guy to hell. sachiko's heir who is most definitely not her daughter, stop calling her that.

ichi-something, the first son. the brothers were named in that usual numbered pattern, it's just ukiyo picks a new name for himself after naming sachiko (bc their mother wanted to name her the third and he already knows how that story goes). running around rukon somewhere.

trivia - idr how the immortal concept started but i do know i want sachiko to die twice, maybe thrice. first is that academy field trip that momo and the others were on, which is just humiliating. she killed her monster of a mother and a fuckass hollow got her? second is aizen in winter war decapitating her in front of everyone. "ive always wondered what would happen if i did that :)" gets a cool neck scar out of it so is it really a loss?

oh and ukiyo is a healer but only for physical wounds. he can't restore reiatsu like the fourth's healers can and he isn't particularly concerned with the patients survival either bc hes only ever worked with fixing corpses basically. i oscillate between kofuku being a healer and just a kid whos whatever. she has a higher selfhealing threshold than the others bc of the experiments on her so that could explain her interest in wanting to heal others but also eh. dunno.

idk what else to add. have a sachiko picrew. desi-coded bc she started out as a selfinsert but then lore happened and i dont recognise her anymore lol

need to post my sachiko/family lore before kubo decides to release info abt the 5th noble clan. its my house until i get evicted

[cptnbeefheart]

now that ABOM issue 1 is published, i can post my contribution :] please do not repost unless you clearly credit me!!

here’s an obnoxious explanation of all my choices that is probably way too much information :

I find the most interesting aspect of the monkees to be their era of deconstructing the image that TV & studio execs had so carefully crafted. in the process of preserving this image, these execs had created somewhat palatable characters, caricatur-izing (sorry.) elements of the casts’ real personalities. the artists themselves were given an illusion of control over their brand, rarely getting the opportunity to publish the art that they made themselves.

ANYWAY.. tying this all into my piece .. i wanted to make something dedicated to frustrations felt by all members of the monkees. Peter is in the front, making strides toward the edge of the chessboard; the monkeemobile flooring it to stand in his way. I wanted the image of a monkee crushing something that was a major symbol in the show itself. what’s more iconic than the monkee mobile itself ?! my hope is that this shows autonomy on peters part, his true self contradicting this false image created by execs-- no longer a pawn for them! of course peter was the first to quit, which is why he is taking the lead. Mike was next, buying himself out of his contract in order to publish his own music and take control of his artistic career. even throughout the brainstorming process for this, i knew i wanted to put mike in his flashy (but fabulous) nudie suit. to me its such a foreshadowing of what he would go on to do in his solo career and with the first national band. i had to CONTAIN MYSELF because i didnt want mike to have a whole bunch of detail and not fit in with the rest of the subjects.. Mike is looking straight toward the audience, realizing he would like to pursue creative projects that would not be possible working with the monkees™ and everything that they symbolize. Davy looks for the edge of the chessboard, contemplating whether or not he should leave. Micky, wearing his outfit from Head (1968), holds a remote control. This is all in reference to the imagery seen in the film; he finally has the option to change the channels for himself. I actually used a screenshot from the movie to get his face & hair right. I think in the 2 years filming the show micky started embracing his curls, but the only references from a upward angle were when he was straightening his hair !!!! I ended up using the scene where he blows up the Coke machine, a satisfied smirk on his face. what an appropriate scene. finally the chessboard, white rabbits & wind up toys. I don’t think I really need to explain that aside from mentioning that the image of the wind-ups is from 33 1/3 Revolutions Per Monkee (1969). I think this was the last official monkees thing Peter was in (outside of future reunion tours). The television special echos the themes already present in Head, so i felt like it would be a nice addition. And it shows the monkees as pawns versus having full autonomy. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY LAST POINT ONE MORE THING ITS QUICK I PROMMY okay perpective ! I wanted to do an upward shot because First of all its fun but more importantly . it shows the cast themselves have outgrown their characters :] now who knows if ive succeeded in any of the things i attempted but at least i had fun :] and feeling like charlie iasip pepe silvia is healthy every once in a while...

[vintagegeekculture]

The 90s Hercules TV Movies

If you are only familiar with the comedic and lighthearted Hercules TV series, the tone of the seldom shown Hercules TV movies that aired on the Universal Action Pack, who’s success led to the series, should be a surprise. For those who are unaware, Universal had a block of programming that they used to show TV movies, including TekWar, Vanishing Son I-IV (essentially a remake of Fu Sheng’s Chinatown Kid, about a Chinese immigrant martial artist who’s brother becomes a gangster in San Francisco), and a remake of Smokey and the Bandit. Of these TV movies, the only ones that were really a hit were the Hercules, and it’s easy to see why.

Taking themselves as seriously as a Steve Reeves film from the 60s, the pre-series Action Pack Hercules TV movies had an interesting mission statement. As Hercules was something of an old fashioned type of hero even in the 90s, the first TV movie had to explain that this particular itineration of Hercules was a sensitive man who understands women. In the TV movie, Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur, he’s even a single dad, trying to raise his kids. In other words, they wanted to create a hero who had strength and toughness, but also, had a social conscience, and ended episodes with speeches about how racism was bad. They wanted to create a sort of workable composite hero for the 90s, a no beard, long haired hippie Hercules who looked like he was 4/20 friendly. Kevin Sorbo is the only Hercules I can imagine blazing it with a satyr and centaur.

The culture is cyclical, and periods of progressive sentiment yield to reactionary eras of angry retrenchment. I’ve always thought that the 90s were actually two decades in one. The early part of the decade was full of proactive, environmental, moralistic earnestness, like Ted Turner’s Captain Planet and the Planeteers and corny hip hop acts that wore daishikis, and the later years of the decade were reactionary in spirit, with angry tatted up nu metal acts and really weird pop stars who liked to say they were virgins all the time and wear purity rings.

Hercules and the Amazon Women was very much in the spirit of the earlier part of the decade. For instance, the Amazon Women are hostile to men because they think men are monstrous and beat their wives, and Hercules argues that isn’t true – some are cool enlightened males, like him, who can learn to treat women right, and the genders can learn to live together based on mutual respect. The Amazon Women doubt this and use a magic candle to make Hercules flash back to his own life and remember all the times he was taught how to interact with women in his life, in occasionally very degrading ways (in other words, we get Hercules’s origin, so it’s exposition that doesn’t feel like exposition – very clever). Confronted with this, Hercules comes out of it saying that he was wrong, that he can do better and believes everyone else can, too. As a “mission statement” for a new take on Hercules as a new kind of enlightened guy for the 90s who has both strength and compassion in equal measure, it works pretty effectively. 

A lot of works try to be “ah, but this is not your father’s Hercules!” But I swear, this one really succeeded, and I think the reason these TV movies created an empire that dominated the decade was precisely because it was a completely different take that asked how it could do things differently. For instance, just like Kevin Sorbo’s Hercules is a longhair hippie and single dad who believes in peace and love who fights only when all else fails, Anthony Quinn as Zeus works exactly because he underplays it, plays Zeus as a regular guy, a normal schlub who might be a friend of your Dad at the pub, who doesn’t have a booming voice and comes off as normal…yet because this is Anthony Quinn here, he comes into the room… he’s in charge.

Another bit of casting that’s kind of impressive was Hippopolyta, Queen of the Amazons, played by Roma Downey. If you only know her from Touched by an Angel, her wearing a push up bra as a sexy evil queen villainess who knocks boots with Hercules is probably a hell of a shock. I truly believe that there is an alternate timeline where she becomes known for action roles as hot villainesses and would never play an angel in her life (quite the opposite), and maybe got the kind of career Lucy Lawless did. Yeah, she’s a Christian, which is why she did so well on that angel show she did, but that kind of thing isn’t disqualifying when it comes to action. After all, one of the most famous amazons of all, Lynda Carter (like many people of Mexican descent) is a devoted Catholic.

[thegodwithin]

hi! im kind of new to law of assumption and old to law of attraction. law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused. i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier? i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc. i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof?? i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine? like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results. i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting. i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong?? I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me. I can even dm you, just please help me so I can actually manifest what I want. I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking. I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet. I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want. I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

Hey, so I just want to say that I really understand you. It’s funny how as I read your ask for the first time it really stood out to me how it was reflecting my current state at that moment so thank you for sending it. I will try my best to answer your questions but I'm still figuring this stuff out myself so I'm also just going to recommend some material that should help. I’ll put all the links at the end of the reply.

I have broken up your ask into several different topics and I’ll be addressing each one separately so please bear with me here.

This is the longest reply I've ever written so the rest is under the cut

law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused.

i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc.

I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

The first and most important thing I want to say to you is that you should really learn from the source material, which as far as I’m concerned here is Neville Goddard. I know there are other teachers like him but he’s the main source most blogs and youtubers make their content from. And frankly a lot of posts on tumblr seem to really simplify and reduce things to the point where you get to this idea that it’s all just affirming and persisting which I really can’t agree with. That’s a conclusion one can reach after learning this stuff, processing it, experimenting with it and realizing what works best for them. But there are certainly other factors involved in the process, whether the person was aware of them or not. This also goes for youtubers and coaches in general. All these people are speaking based on their own experiences with the law. Through the lenses of their own beliefs, limitations, etc. So it’s only natural that they will sound different from each other and their message and style might not resonate with every person in the same way. Which is why you’re not supposed to just accept everything you hear or read at face value. Apply it, experiment with it and make your own conclusions.

like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results.

Most of us come into contact with the law from a negative situation and looking for a quick fix, and what we end up finding is a whole lot more than we ever bargained for. These teachings challenge everything we have ever known and accepted as absolute unchangeable truths in the world. And we are also dared to accept the responsibility that we were the cause of our entire lives?! It’s a lot to take in. You can’t be one foot in and one foot out. You’re trying to manifest something but you’re not seeing results. If you’re looking for results then you weren’t truly committed to living in the end and you haven’t really changed. You must notice the change within first, before the outside world can reflect that. You just give yourself what you want in your mind, and you keep doing it, day in and day out, with complete disregard for what your outer senses are telling you, until it hardens into a fact.

i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier?

Battling with the 3d can certainly be painful and it just turns into a vicious cycle, because the more attention you pay to something, the more it gets perpetuated in your reality and in your experiences. I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I struggle with this as well. If anything, at least remember to prioritize your feelings at every given moment. If you notice that you’re feeling bad / reacting negatively to the 3d, stop and ask yourself: what do I want? or what do I want to feel?

Usually when I do that my mind automatically shows me the answer and then if I can enter the reality (within me, in my mind with my thoughts and feelings) where those things are true, suddenly that circumstance I was just reacting to doesn’t matter anymore. Because I feel fulfilled within now.

Just start allowing yourself to have what you want, no matter what. Practice putting yourself first, before anything else, before the circumstances around you, before what others might say or do. Even if the 3d looks bad right now, you deserve to feel what you want, you don’t have to keep putting yourself down because you haven’t seen an outside change yet. And the truth is that you won’t see a change if you keep watching the 3d and taking score from it. Because it can only change after you do. Because it’s a reflection of you. Allow yourself to feel that relief and satisfaction, in your imagination, everyday. Make it a habit and little by little you will have changed your mindset, entering a new reality.

Everything in your 3d world is an illusion in the sense that it’s not the truth. And this is because everything that you experience with your senses, in your 3d world is a direct reflection of you. You are everything, and you are everywhere you go and every person you meet. You can only ever experience yourself, nothing else. Nothing exists outside of you. Everything begins and ends with you.

and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine?

You are God of your own reality. There’s only you in your reality. Nothing else and no one else. So everything and everyone that shows up is under your influence. IN YOUR REALITY. You can’t really access other people’s realities or inner worlds, and likewise they can’t reach yours. Even what you perceive as things outside of you pertaining to other people’s lives and experiences are still coming in through your own lenses, of the concept you have of that person, of the expectations and beliefs you have about them. This is why you shouldn’t bother with anything but yourself. Because it’s a waste of energy. Because everything you will ever perceive will come through you first. You can’t experience anything but yourself, your beliefs and your expectations. If you believe others can influence your reality then you are living from fear and you are giving your power away.

i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof??

Instead of trying to manifest things in order to “see proof”, just let things happen and watch yourself during the process. Start really paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling on a daily basis. Notice that your thoughts and reactions come from a certain state of being. Notice how people act in ways that you expect them to, because “that’s just how they are”.No, it’s because that’s the concept you hold of them in your reality, and they treat you according to the concept you hold of yourself. By doing this you will start to realize the connection between what has shown up in your life so far, and the person you were identifying with within. And when I say identifying with, I don’t mean something like an affirmation such as “I’m confident”. Your identification and basically your self concept comes from your perspective, the way you see things, the way you react to things and the way you act, the thoughts you have and what you accept as true. Those will show you who you really are.

i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them

The thing with success stories is that as much as they can be motivational, the process and the factors are always the same. They succeeded because they managed to change their mindset, they entered a new reality (within), they changed their dwelling place (the state of being they return to the most) and their outer reality simply reflected that change. Their circumstances are irrelevant and the only thing setting them apart is the techniques they used and how long it took for them to actually shift their mindset and accept the new reality they wanted. Techniques are not really that relevant because they only serve to aid you into moving states. So at this point it’s really just about what works best for you.

i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong??

There’s no such thing as affirming wrong. And please take affirming off the pedestal. It’s just a technique and you don’t need to use it if it’s troubling you. Affirmations are just thoughts you would be having if you were living in the end. So their purpose is only to help make you feel like you are living in the wish fulfilled. There’s no point in affirming all day long if you keep feeling like you’re in the same old shitty reality. Again it’s the same thing I’ve been saying before. You can’t affirm for two opposite things at the same time and get the result you want. Use affirmations as much as you like but watch yourself for the rest of the time.

The reason this isn’t a trying process is because you’re not attempting to do anything to get something. You are simply being in a different way. You are changing your mind, changing your thoughts, choosing better feelings. This is a lifestyle change. If you accept the law, your entire perception changes. Nothing is ever the same as it used to be. This can be a hard pill to swallow but at some point you gotta be honest with yourself. There is no trying. There is only doing and there is only being.

i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting.

I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want

You’re exhausted because you keep going back and forth between what you want and what has shown up. You need to pick one side and stick to it. You need to dive so deep into the feeling of what you want to the point where thinking the opposite feels unnatural. I know you don’t wanna hear this but thinking you’re doing something wrong really is also getting in your way. Think about it this way: you’re in the end goal, you’re there, it’s done, you got it. Would you be thinking about ANY of this stuff if that was the case? Would you be doubting and having all these fears and looking around everyday to make sure it’s still there? We both know you wouldn’t.

You just can’t have it and wonder where it is at the same time. You have to stick to the end goal and reject anything that contradicts that.

I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me

People say manifesting is easy and fun because you’re just supposed to satisfy yourself within by giving yourself what you want. If it feels like a chore then you're not giving yourself what you really want. You are focusing on what you think you should be doing and you are also keeping yourself hostage to your unwanted circumstances. If your desires are so important to you then stop putting conditions on them, stop looking for excuses to deny yourself of them. Get drunk in the feeling and the knowing of their fulfilment. Let go of all the doubts and fears, turn your back on your senses telling you it’s not here yet. Be stubborn and stop taking no for an answer.

You’re coming from a place of: I have all these unwanted circumstances and I want to have xyz instead, but no matter what I do, things aren't changing.

If you had xyz by now, would you still be repeating the unwanted circumstances in your head? Would you be thinking about them? Would you be reacting to them? Would you be identifying with this version of yourself that can’t get what you want?

No! You would be living your life, doing the things you enjoy, your duties and responsibilities, resting in the knowledge that you got that desire. It’s a reality now. It’s part of your life. You’d be living from that perspective.

You're keeping the unwanted stuff in place by reaffirming them, by looking at it everyday and going “yep, still here!”, you’re still accepting it as true for you. You can’t keep your attention on something without getting more of it. You need to die to the unwanted reality. Never to be seen again.

I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking.

Self concept is not a technique that you do once a day. Self concept is who you are. It’s how you behave and what you think all the time, every day, all day. It's what you believe and accept as true for you in all aspects. I think this community has been breaking up the law into bits and pieces, as if there are all these separate factors and steps you need to take, and it’s done more damage than good because it’s actually literally all the same thing, it’s all connected. Once you change through the means of one aspect, the other aspects change automatically. Self concept, mental diet, states, it’s all connected, they all lead to the same destination, you. Neville uses these terms interchangeably, to get his point across in the best way he sees fit at that moment, but he’s always talking about the same thing. So bottomline is that if you “keep breaking”, then you’re still in the process of change, you’re going from one state to the other, from unwanted to wanted. Back and forth. You’re still falling for the illusion of the 3d world and you’re still feeling the pull of your old story. You need to take a stand and decide that enough is enough. No longer accept what you don’t want. You’re the only one making the choice here. No one is forcing you to stay in the unwanted mindset but your own habits and comfort zone.

I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet.

Look, there’s nothing to combat here. There’s no war going on. It’s all just you. You don’t have any blocks or limiting beliefs you need to overpower. This isn’t a good perspective to hold. You ARE the power. I fought these types of statements for a long time but I can understand it now. You need to stop focusing on limiting beliefs or blocks. Stop thinking AND believing that you have problems that are getting in your way and that you need to overcome them. By holding this perspective, you’re only going to create more problems to overcome. Remember what I’ve been saying that you’re in the end now? Are there any blocks in the end? When the wish is fulfilled? I don’t think so and neither do you! I want you to take the challenge to declare to yourself that you no longer have any limitations. It’s all gone! You’re free now! I want you to wake up everyday and before you get out of bed, you remind yourself that hey, all that stuff is gone now! Nothing to worry about anymore! How good is that?!

I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want.

You keep the faith in the unseen by believing and trusting in yourself. If you accept that you can do anything, that you deserve what you want, that you are the operant power and that everything is coming FROM you, then you know all you need is yourself. Idk it truly is a leap of faith, you need to make a choice. Do you want to live by what is outside of you, or by what’s within you? If you accept the law as true, then you have no choice but to start living by what’s within you. If you’re still sitting there thinking that your world is ruled by the circumstances outside of you then you don’t believe a tiny bit in any of this stuff. You’re truly wasting your time if you hold that perspective in place.

Okay I hope this whole essay I spent hours on helps! Now let’s get you those recs!

You can read most if not all of Neville's work for free here: https://realneville.com/

These are my current favorite Neville Based Teachers:

I am Love / Feeling Twisty (he's also on apple podcasts and spotify I believe)

Here's my own personal playlist of Neville based videos on youtube

There's a LOT of good stuff on reddit tbh, here's pretty much everything I have saved from there:

(ps.: it's good to check the comments on reddit posts because there's usually discussions happening and you can find some good pointers)

EdwardArtSupplyHands Series / Quote

ALLISMIND:

Feelings are your power

How thoughts and beliefs become reality

Overthinking

Superman's way of life

Thinking positive

Living from the Law

There's no reality

You don't believe in the Law

Nothing will change your mind

(ps.: he has A LOT of content, these are just the few I looked into)

Other posts:

Change your mind

It's Real. Success Story

Decide what you want

Self concept and personality

Self concept and self love

Letting go of control

Don't rationalize it

The state of the wish fulfilled

Checkmate 3D

Planting the seeds

Don't react

Faith and Knowledge

Slacker Manifesting

Persistence assumption

Don't complicate it

All you need is reassurance

Brazen Impudence

Manifesting is easy

Practical guide

Why circumstances don't matter

Commit to your desire

Ignore the Outside

Clarifying the Law for beginners

(ps.: These aren't 100% accurate tittles, just based on the actual tittles)

[dballzposting]

it’s all been posted before but I just feel like talking.

take my hand ...

follow me on this png tour

i’m scrolling throuhg in alphabetical order and I’m gonna share some ok

This one honestly gets to me becasue what I did was I drew my favorite OC in there and since my dragon ball phase has thickened and ive matured in general I really have stopped caring / doing anything with that OC group so it really feels like some sort of crossover to me. Even thouhg at the time the two interests coexisted naturally. I still love him tho like Amadeus is a household name here (October 2021)

This one is so real (July 2022)

THIS ONE NEVER GOT TO SHINE PROPERLY .. Also I don’t know why I was so hung up on articulating that acrid smoke in quite that way . The way it drifts straight up. Like there’s no airflow in that stifling room. And her hair looks like a victim of humidity. Like what is this 1787 in Philadelphia during the heat of the summer and she is writing a new US Constitution with the windows locked or something (October 2021)

Oy ... I’ve stopped caring about my Saiyan OCs but this one holds a special place in my heart still .. It was very fun to draw and aesthetically satisfying with the soundtrack I had chosen. Cousin Bulrush you were a real one (October 2021)

This one’s such a classic I don’t even have words. Back when I cared deeply but still had the courage to try and every pic took me forever and they all looked a little janky but that was the beauty of effort (September 2021)

I just really like this one I think it’s awesome (May 2023)

OY .. THIS ONE .. ONE OF THOSE PICS THAT I DON’T KNOW WHY I MADE & I CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT DIRECTLY. I remember starting it under the influence of some sort of temporary insanity and a few versions of “Call Me” by Blondie that I had found, and then I had to stick with it and fucking finish it. I vividly remeber working on it while my family members were in the other room watching Caddyshack (1980) and Ghostbusters (1984) back to back. Also now that I look at it it kind of pops off like I haven’t actually LOOKED at it in a long time but now I am and ngl I kind of like it? I’m glad it exists actually it’s kind of funny and based (May 2022)

Actually You Know what let’s look at this one too (same batch)

October 1 2022

In all the maturing I’ve done this past year This One is still so funny to me .. Like Nothing Good is going to come out of this like only Devastating Events will transpire from an opening shot like this (May 2022) Oh my god and the morning that i conceptualized this was literally the morning that i had a job interview and that’s the job that I’ve held to this day and like ... It’s a good luck charm. THE DAMN LOOK ON HIS FACE THE DAMN FLATNESS OF HIS HANDS HIS DAMN BRACED ARMS !! THE CONVICTION !!!! Still has me

This is still so fucking funny Come on (May 2022)

April 2022

I fucking love Goten in the washbin. He looks like he’s trying so so so hard to not tip in any direction and have the water flood his face. He’s so tense. He’s trying so hard (April 2022)

HOLY GAY FANART. I’ll never understand it enough to explain it to anyone but i know in my heart exactly what it is. This is the sort of thing that springs from your heart that makes you realize that the 12 yr old who listened to fall out boy (in this case p!atd) is still in there .. loving the sunshine and living by the dramatic moonlight. I felt so fortunate and grateful to have succeeded in creating the drawing but I’ll never understood what it has to do with anything and in fact it frightens me for that reason but i mean that’s art. Has nothing to do with dragon ball but the bloom of youth and teen friendship/romance was just my muse i guess. Will never understand it but of course i bare honorable witness to it like a man working the lighthouse bares witness to the tempests. He cannot control it but he knows it when he sees it and he works with the winds , like a servant to aphrodite. December 2022 it means more to me than i care to admit and i eschew it for that reason .. must man fear the light inside him? How can he not, for he doesn’t understand who put it there 

STRONGLY RELATED TO THE PREVIOUS ONE. WILL NEVER HAVE THE TIME OR REASON TO EXPLAIN IT. SORT OF A PIPE DREAM / HANG UP I HAD. SOMETHING I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO INSTATE ON ASK-TARBLE BUT UNFORTUNATELY I CANNOT SEEM TO KEEP THAT BLOG RUNNING DUE TO BIZARRE PERSONAL REASONS (one day...i swear it.) Nowadays i hate the angle that i initially wanted to work with Goten & Trunks and I’m sort of glad i never got far enough to be stuck with anything but also .. He makes him eat those damn worms? He makes him eat those damn gummy worms and they get all stuck up in his braces? It’s sort of a frightening tale of temptation. I don’t remember exactly when this concept came to be but i do know that it later coincided with an overtly frightening/macabre tale that i had running for a while so I think this specific story fell out of fashion for me, I got the themes of confusing desire / damning intimacy / biological inexorability elsewhere. But this pic remains. Finally finished & exported in Dec 2022. He makes him eat those damn worms

Um this one still fucks (October 2021)

OK throwing this one in there. A chap sent me a meme on discord and said that it was goten & trunks and so I impulsively did a speedy rendition per their request (November 2022)

Every time i go to instagram I go to this post and stare at this first image i dont know why it’s just so awsome. Theyre clearly in bed clearly supposed to be ASLEEP right now. And Goten is just so far from sleep it’s unreal (November 2022)

IT’S JUST ...... I had this saiyan oc named Adonis/Typha (earth name vs borne saiyan name) back in the day and he had this thing with Shin andddd I was REALLY taken by the way that .. Kibito Kai .. canoncially collected the Namekian drasgon balls ansd used them to .. reverse the potara fusion? Like... It just felt to me like this charascter .. despite eveyrhting he belived in .. had an obsession with killing hismelf. Like he just couldnt help it. He would be okay for a while and then he’d enter these feverish obsessive moods where he’d try everything in his power to reverse the potara and nothing ever worked. Until he finally snapped. HE HAS TO DO IT .. LIKE A COMPULSION. LIKE SALMON UP THE STREAM. And of course the meme that this is based off of is lost to the ages but that’s ok (October 2021)

Gohan MP3 player moments. Mic drop. October 2021

Panel 14 from the senseless, ill-structured comic where Goten & Trunks have a normal regular conversation in the shower. Originally posted onto a sideblog that I have stopped posting on becasue IDK it became too much of a hassle / i abruptly stopped needing it But as soon as I get better & find the sun I’d like to find a way to either keep it going (I STILL LIKE THE IDEA OF IT..) or give it an honorable death. This panel i sort of quote a lot an see in my head a lot I think it’s really notable (November 2022)

SAI FILE DISCOVERY (June 2022)

Still a fan of these scavenged pics from various times (all exported May 2022)

(^ lyrics from “Back to The Cave” by Colonel Suns) (strongly recommend it)

(^lyrics from “Filthy Freaks” by Bones UK) (strongly recommend)

This image is printed out & taped on my wall for my Gotenks Shrine (hidden behind my calendar) (June 2022) (That is Spamton from the Deltarune video game)

“STRANGE BOY” BY KERLI TARBLE & GURE MOMENT. STILL A FAN. YOU KNOW HE’S A BIT NICHE / ODD / STRANGE / PERTURBING WITH IT (December 2022)

His beauty is a statement. April 2022

OK hear me out. This one turned out better than i was expecting ok. I sat down and in a few hours I had something that I felt had charm and cartoonish swagger. Usually things take me a lot longer but this one was a winner from the get-go. And that’s why this one is a dr dballz certified #fave (May 2023) look at Yamucha’s beer gut and knobby ankles

The power of this. Neophytic knowledge that places it in-line with canon dragon ball fashion IN THEORY, if only some screws weren’t loose, if only it wasn’t lacking a realism that implies roots in cartoon contours that are simplified to start. The nonsensical ornaments. The unprecedented color scheme. Above it all the raw enthusiasm. April 2022

Um this one makes me smile. A simpler time. Perhaps we should return to it. Perhaps we never can, are banished or blessed from doing so. October 2021

CLANK (May 2023)

And of course. Yamgeta gay sex comic (May 2023)

Thank You All and to All a good night 

who wants to go throuhg my dragon ball png drawing folder with me