#it feels like if I stop caring enough. and that's not hard. everything will just stop
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TL;DR: Fatshaming did not motivate me to lose weight, it programmed me to always hate my body, no matter the size.
Just wanted to weigh in with my personal experience with this matter. I was fat shamed, primarily by my mother, from the time I hit puberty. I was borderline underweight at this time, but my mother would still get on me about losing weight so I didn't get "bloatus of the toadus" or whatever the fuck she used to call it. In highschool it got a lot worse, with her criticizing my stomach every time she saw it and openly making comments about my body around family, friends, etc. I stopped letting her visit the doctor with me because I didn't want to hear her giving me shit every time they weighed me. She even asked the photographer who took my senior photos to edit them to make me skinnier (he was very uncomfortable and luckily did not do that). I repeatedly tried to explain to her why this behavior is inappropriate, and I would always get the same responses: "I'm just worrying about you" "I just care about you" "I just want you to be healthy" etc.
When I was 19 I broke my spine. As a result I put on about 15-20lbs and let me tell ya, all hell broke loose. The guy I was seeing at the time was fatphobic and would fatshame me on a daily basis while also trying to control what I ate and what I did in my spare time. I repeatedly tried to explain to him why what he was doing was hurting me, and all he could say was "it hurts because it is true" Eventually I had enough and kicked him to the curb. I remember trying to confide in my family about his cruel behavior and each time my mom couldn't help but chime in "he's right, you know!".
Do you know what over a decade of fatshaming did for me? Well, first of all it gave me a pretty messy eating disorder. Some days I wouldn't eat anything. Some days I would eat everything. Some days I would purge until nothing was left. However, it wasn't until I developed thyroid cancer that I saw a genuine change in my weight. I put on 50lbs fairly quickly and it had a detrimental impact on my self esteem. My entire life I had been told my worth was dependent on how skinny I was, and now I was rapidly gaining weight. I started hearing the same things my mother and ex used to tell me, but from a lot of other people as well. I quit making my silly little tiktoks and sharing my silly little opinions on the Internet because I couldn't handle the waves of trolls coming at me for my weight. I quit wearing makeup because I felt that I didn't deserve it. I quit dressing up because I felt I didn't deserve it. I couldn't look at photos of myself without wanting to cry. I couldn't eat a meal without feeling guilt and shame. I didn't feel motivated by their cruelty, I felt defeated. I felt helpless. I felt like a disgusting waste of space that didn't deserve to live.
I have made some major improvements over the past year or so. I have been working with a therapist on the ED for a couple years now and this past year I have done really well. I still have days where I don't eat, but I can't remember the last time I purged or over ate. I got my thyroid out, and my weight is returning to where it was. People have been complimenting me, telling me how great I look, how noticeable it is, how hard I must be working, etc and instead of making me feel happy or proud it just makes me feel like shit. I still hate who I see in the mirror. I still hate my stomach and my chin and the fat around my arms. I bought some new makeup and I'm trying to put more effort into my appearance, but all I see in the mirror is a clown. Fatshaming did not motivate me to lose weight, it programmed me to always hate my body, no matter the size.
Anyways, I doubt anybody is going to read all this but it felt good to type it out. Don't fatshame. It never helps.
The number of times I've earnestly seen the take "but it's good for fat people to be mean to them! It motivates them to lose weight!"
Also whenever you provide even light pushback that maybe bullying people does not magically make them skinny but instead makes them depressed, they immediately demand scientific sources as if "bullying fat people is good for them" is scientific concensus and you therefore owe them a peer reviewed paper.
No babe I'm so sorry you're not actually doing people a service by being an asshole to them you just want an acceptable target and have decided that fat people are one. You don't get to be a bad person until you've produced 3 peer reviewed meta analyses that being a dick to random fat people improves their health, OK? I'm sure people will thank you for your invaluable service of being an asshole.
#i genuinely believe my worth is dependent on my fuckability#and i know that's wrong and fucked up and I'm trying to work on it but that's how i feel#me#fat acceptance#fat activism
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hii, i saw your requests are open, so i was thinking how about spencer and reader have a fwb thing going on, but he always told her not to get attached, so she breaks things off and spencer seems fine with that, until he realizes that she goes on dates with other people so maybe they fight about it and they confess their feelings
YES i love this concept nonnie my love this is amazing
not jealous
wc: 1.2k
ex-fwb!spencer gets jealous, but he doesn't have any feelings for you... right?
cw: a little suggestive i think, i can't be held responsible for the things i think ab spencer reid, wrote this in a fugue state that's the only way i can explain this
(PS: reblogs are the only way to promote fics on tumblr! please reblog if you enjoyed it :) )
mlist
Penelope Garcia is one of Spencer's favourite people in the world, but at this very moment he feels the shameful urge to tell her to shut up.
"Honey, you'd love him! He's a doctor at the hospital a few streets down, so he understands the whole married-to-the-job thing, and he's smart! Just one date, my love, please? You can totally ghost him afterward if you hate him, though I don't think you will," Garcia is perched on your desk, right across from Spencers, so he can't tune this out, despite his repeated attempts to.
You can't help but sigh, staring up at Garcia as she continues to speak. She means well, you know that. You never told her what happened, but she can tell that you've been lonely, and she's doing everything she can to help.
You can't tell her, you know that, but it doesn't stop you from wanting to.
"It's probably best if we stay like this. We can be coworkers, friends. It'd be easier if we stay unattached."
The words Spencer said to you months ago are still fresh in your mind. You'd agreed, drunk on the feeling of being wanted, and you were aware that feelings would make things more complicated. You knew that, and yet-
"Spencer, we need to stop. I can't do this no-strings-attached thing anymore."
"Then we can- we can stop. We'll stay friends, right?"
"Right."
Months of stolen moments, hotel room beds, and tangled limbs had gone to your head, and cutting it off had been the best thing to do. Spencer had made it clear that your arrangement was only viable when both of you didn't have feelings, and you knew that.
Getting over someone is hard enough, but Spencer Reid is worse. He's always there, soft smiles and rambling conversations. He seemingly hasn't been affected by the end of your situation at all.
Snapping back to reality, you look up at Garcia, who's looking at you with a hopeful smile. You can see Spencer out of the corner of your eye, staring at his monitor like he couldn't care less who you date.
It's infuriating.
He's over it! He was probably never as attached as you were, why would he care if you date?
"You know what? Give me his number."
"Yes!" Garcia pumps a fist before swooping down to press a kiss to your cheek. "You won't regret this, I swear!" She grabs a business card out of her pocket and hands it to you, squeezing you one more time before flouncing off.
You fondle the stiff cardboard once, before placing it down on your desk.
Spencer hates him. James Lee. The cursive scripture on the business card stares up at him, mocking him as he tries to work. Your desk is always neat, knickknacks all in their proper spot, so the card is out of place, that's why Spencer can't stop sneaking looks at it.
He's a doctor. So is Spencer. Three times over! If you wanted to date a doctor, why not look for him instead of James Lee, MD.
A PhD's much better than an MD anyway. More effort.
He sighs. He's being petulant, he knows that. You're allowed to date people.
Even if Spencer's the one that knows the way you stretch when you've just woken up. Even if he's the one that's felt your skin under his hands. Even if he's the one that's learned how to elicit those sounds from you.
He can't take it any more, rising abruptly from his desk, stomping over to the kitchenette. The coffee pot is nearly empty, and he pours the dregs into his cup, spooning sugar into it with barely restrained movements.
He can hear Emily humming, Morgan tapping his pen against his desk. He can hear you, typing away at your phone.
He can't take it any more.
Stalking over to his desk, he picks up a random file, and stands by your elbow.
"I need to talk to you about this file. Can you help me find the other report?" He all but melts with relief when you set down your phone, following him to the storage room readily.
Being in close quarters like this causes memories to come rushing back, and you can't help the blush that comes to your face. Shaking your head slightly, you look up at Spencer, resolutely shutting out the images in your mind.
"What report are we looking for?"
He looks sheepish, but his eyes are intense as he looks down at you.
"There's no report. I need to talk to you." You tilt your head in confusion, focusing entirely on him. "Don't go on a date with him."
"What?"
"That guy." He nearly spits out his words. "Garcia's friend. Don't go out with him."
What? He's acting weird, completely still as his eyes blaze into yours.
"Why do you care if I go out with him? Garcia said he's a good guy, I trust her."
He shakes his head. "I'm- I'm sure he's normal. Nice. But you shouldn't go out with him."
He's infuriating, dancing around whatever he means.
"Why, Spencer? I think this would be good for me! I want to have fun."
"With him? You don't know him! Why not go out with someone you-" He cuts himself off, his hand flying to his hair in frustration. "Why this guy? Why not someone you know?" If it weren't Spencer, you'd say he was growling, his eyes dark.
Is he angry at you for going out with this guy?
"What? Are you seriously mad at me? For what?" His eyes flash at your words.
"Why date him? Why not-"
"Who would I date? You? Are you angry at me for dating someone else when we never dated at all? Spencer, you wanted no feelings! I did what you asked, I ended- whatever we were, because you said we shouldn't involve feelings!" Your chest tightens, looking away from him.
"What are you saying? You ended it because... Why didn't you tell me?" He ducks his head, trying to meet your gaze. You've had enough. Enough of his maddening words, making you feel bad for doing what he asked of you.
"Spencer, you're being unfair. What more do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to tell you that I wanted more? I ended it because I caught feelings, and you didn't want that, so I told you we had to stop because I couldn't hide it from you, not when we were always together, and-"
You're stunned into silence when his hands come up to frame your face, impossibly gentle as large fingers trace your jaw.
"You're right, I said that." A hand travels higher, cupping your cheek. "I shouldn't have, though. I should've... should've told you."
You can't help but whisper, the intimacy of the moment blanketing the small room in quiet. "Told me what?"
As if in answer, he ducks his head towards you, and you instinctually crane your head upwards to meet his lips.
It's practised, even if it's been a while. Your hands travel up his sides, bracing your palms on either side of his jaw as his come down to grip your waist.
His lips are soft yet insistent, pressing against you like he's trying to impart a message. Lips part, breath stolen, and it's minutes before either of you pulls back.
Your forehead presses against his, chest heaving. His eyes are light, and a breathless giggle leaves his lips as he looks at you.
"Don't go on that date. Please."
"You're going to have to take that up with Garcia."
#spencer giggles after a kiss im so fucking sure of it#also i dont think phds are better than mds spencers just being a bitch!!#requests are welcome!!#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fic#spencer.r#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x self insert#garcia is ecstatic btw
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older (and wiser): i
synopsis: in which time could have never undone what she left.
A/N: FIRST WANDA FIC!!! had this idea long ago when i was crushing hard on this girl from the theatre program at my uni; around that time i had also seen ‘past lives’ and i wanted to do something similar with that film. also at my core i know wanda maximoff would’ve totally been a theatre kid, this is me paying ode to that. while this specific part doesn’t go into that, i am gonna work on a sort of prequel to this Short Series…anyways enjoy!!!
pairings: wanda maximoff x reader
genre: angst?
warnings: it’s sad. but it gets hopeful…
MASTERLIST
please do not repost my work anywhere for any reason at all. if you do see this happen to any of my stories, please let me know. thank you x.
it had been years.
wanda had finally decided to take a breather. she’d been working non-stop ever since she left for work all those years ago after college.
she didn’t think she’d get so lucky off that one job, that it’d immediately get her into another, or another, and so on and so forth.
she loved her work, sure, but now it was catching up to her. everyone in her life, her manager, her agent, her family had all begged her to slow down.
“take some time off, wanda.” her agent, daniel had said to her during a meeting. wanda’s eyes traveled between daniel and her manager, samara.
the meeting had all been a set up. what wanda thought was supposed to be a discussion on a new project, was actually a ploy. she had no idea the meeting was meant to convince her to take a break.
“yeah right.” she scoffed. not believing in what they were saying.
“we’re serious, wanda.” samara stated, her eyes stern but with genuine care. “when was the last time you had time for yourself?”
wanda remained silent at the words. all of a sudden she felt like a kid being scolded by their parents. and she wished to be anywhere else but in the room with them.
“really.” daniel starts. “go be a real person. smell the flowers, meet people, fall in love, take in the view—”
“i meet people all the time, daniel.” wanda quickly cut in.
all daniel could do was shake his head, a sigh escaping his lips as he tried his hardest to make the woman in front of him understand.
“you know that’s not what i meant, wanda.” he gives her a pointed look.
with a jaw clenched, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked off to the side. the windows overlooking los angeles now seeming more interesting than this conversation.
“we know how much it means for you to work, we know how much you enjoy it, but you’ve been doing it for so long. we just want you at your best.” she hears samara say. and as much as she hated to admit it, daniel and samara were right.
wanda hadn’t stopped working since she started. in fact, it’s all she can think to do. she didn’t have anyone outside of work—no partner, no obligations except to her family. why stop when there was nothing waiting for her?
wanda knew the answer but wouldn’t admit it. she might as well never have fully faced it.
the truth was, she’d loved someone once. she’d loved you. and no matter how much time had passed, the thought of you still gnawed at her.
though everything was perfect for a while, her career was well off, she was successful, and her family was proud.
but wanda couldn’t help asking, is this really it?
of course, she tried meeting people. she really tried. she didn't like being miserable over someone she hadn't been in contact with for years. but even that wasn't enough. it was honestly a bit pathetic. it had happened years ago. four years, to be exact. wanda should’ve been well moved on by now, but she isn’t. at least not entirely.
so, she poured everything into her work to distract her from that gnawing feeling inside her. the one that had been lit up all those years ago. the one that was tamable with you around.
but you’re not around, and wanda couldn’t help but throw herself into more work hoping she could get rid of it, get rid of you. but she hasn’t.
“listen, wanda,” daniel cuts her train of thought. “your work is important and people need it, but to keep it up to that degree, you need to go out and just be a human.” he finishes.
wanda sighs. she leans forward on her knees and drops her head into her hands. daniel was right. they were both so right.
wanda never properly dealt with things. maybe it's time she finally did.
she looks up from her hands, a look of defeat yet understanding, with pursed lips she finally says,
"fine."
and now, two months later, wanda finds herself back in los angeles, in an empty home, eating expensive sushi.
she had gotten off the phone with her brother, pietro, who had just joined her on the recent trip she’d been on.
a trip that he insisted he’d join her on to make sure wanda would do all the resting and touristy things she should.
she had done all the traveling she could do in the last two months, jumping from plane to plane. talking to strangers, being a tourist in european cities, and befriending random people in planes.
now, wanda actually had time for herself, time with her brain. a thing she honestly didn't want to face. because even thinking about anything made it even more real.
but now wanda was bored, and the movie playing on her eighty-inch television wasn't doing much to entertain her. and it also didn't help that it was eleven pm on a thursday night and all wanda could do was feel bad for herself.
so she does the next thing she had been really trying to avoid,
stalking your social media.
wanda herself wasn’t much active online these days. she had much to do day-to-day and week-to-week, rarely would she ever have the patience to sit down and scroll through her phone much. that and she honestly tried to stay off of it.
but now she has the time. and the patience. and honestly, she’s a little scared at what she could find.
she tells herself it doesn't have to mean anything. just a little check-in to see how you were, after that she'd really work on trying to forget about you altogether.
and with the simple type in of your name, wanda finds your instagram. your profile picture, a professional headshot of you, and a bio that reads,
editor in chief.
New York Times contributor.
something that shouldn't have made wanda's chest burst with joy, but it does. and as she scrolls further and further, she finds that you now reside in new york city, that you've moved on well without her and that you have a cat and a boyfriend.
boyfriend.
she shouldn't care so much, but she does.
you were living your best life. the one you had always wanted.
just not with her. not with wanda.
but she doesn't stop there, and she ignores the lump in her throat as she exits your profile and searches for your mother's name.
and maybe she feels her heart break a little when it turns out the boyfriend you had is actually your fiancé. she finds out through a photo your mother posted.
the picture shows you, and a handsome man next to you. you’re both sat outside some restaurant in the city, his arm is thrown over your shoulder while your right hand clutches his left, and there it is. in all its glory—with the diamond on it catching the suns light perfectly. the ring on your finger.
it doesn’t help that he looks so in love with you.
out for lunch with y/n and paul again! i promised them an engagement lunch and we were NOT disappointed. make sure you try Jack’s Wife Freda if you are ever in SoHo!!#motherinlaw #NYC #loveinnewyork
is what the caption reads.
wanda freezes at the fact and immediately throws her phone on the empty seat beside her. she stares at it like it had just offended her.
many things go through her brain. how did you meet him? was it shortly after you broke up? was it really him you wanted to spend forever with? how long did it take for him to ask?
wanda had always loved your mother. a sweet woman who always had your best interests in mind. she had always pushed you to do what you loved. and wanda had always seen that some of her favorite traits of yours had come from her.
after the break up, your mom made sure to check in on wanda. without you ever knowing, wanda and your mom kept in touch, until eventually wanda had cut her line for the sake of fully moving on.
though, she never really fully did.
wanda evaluates what to do next. was this her sign? she doesn’t want it to be sign.
wanda doesn’t want to admit that it seems like you had moved on so completely.
on impulse she looks up your fiancé’s name. “paul” is all she had to type out in your mother’s following before she found his account.
she finds that paul is just as successful as you are. he’s an investigative journalist, born in ireland. he briefly worked at a publication in london but transferred to a firm in new york after a year.
he’s gorgeous, she thinks. he has blue eyes, a kind smile, and he has an accent. it would make perfectly good sense why you would choose him.
wanda’s stomach twists with a mix of happiness and regret.
“fuck!” She whispers to herself.
“of course, you’re happy. of course the man you’re engaged with is actually a decent man! fuck.” wanda says to no one in particular. in frustration, she burries her hands in her hair.
wanda is annoyed at herself.
“i need a drink,” in an instant she’s on her legs making her way to the kitchen. she finds a bottle of wine that has been kept cool in the fridge and she wastes no time in popping it open, she pauses briefly, debating on whether she’d need or glass or not.
to hell with a glass. she thinks, and makes her way back to the couch, she holds the bottle by its neck and takes a long swig from it.
it’s all so perfectly miserable. wanda maximoff stalking her ex-girlfriend on social media while she gets wasted. the self loathing has got the best of her. she finds it all ironic.
wanda maximoff could have anyone she wanted. she knew this. she has everything she could ever want or need. she has credibility, a nice home, the luxury of traveling at any moment she wants.
yet, her mind kept coming back to one thing. the one thing she’d decided she’d leave behind all those years ago. it isn’t fair, she thinks. wanda was young and stupid back then, but she was so so in love. she knew that for sure.
but sometimes…sometimes she really wishes she had fought harder.
briefly, wanda wonders if your number was still the same. if you had ever changed it or at least tried calling her. she wouldn’t know, she had changed it years ago once she started getting more attention for her work.
wanda was really drunk at this point. her better judgment had gone away as soon as she’d picked that bottle out the fridge. there was no better time than now.
she taps on her phone until she lands on the number keypad. her fingers hover over it, would she regret it if she didn’t? probably. would she regret it if she did? probably.
but if there was one thing wanda had, it’s that she’s got nerve and audacity.
so she types in the number that she doesn’t think she could ever forget, and lets it ring.
your fiancé answers the call.
“hello?” an irish accent sounds through the speaker. paul. wanda’s blood runs cold and she stays silent for a moment. all of sudden she feels incredibly sober and regretting making the call.
“hi.” she pauses. “uhm, i’m looking for y/n?” wanda manages to squeak out.
“right! who is this? your number isn’t saved.” paul says,
“an old friend. i changed my number a while back.” wanda replies smoothly.
“oh! let me pass her to you, she’s just in the kitchen.” the line goes quiet for a few moments, and she’s able to hear a few words exchanged between you and paul.
“hello?”
wanda freezes again, a hand covers her mouth as she tries not to shake at the sound of your voice. it’d been so long. she grips her phone tighter.
“hey…” her voice shaky and unmistakable. you know it’s wanda.
“wanda?” your voice betrayed the surprise you felt. from the couch paul caught your eye, a raised eyebrow on his face. everything okay? he mouthed.
you shook your head.
“i wondered if your number was still the same.” wanda says after a moment. her tone light, but with an undercurrent of something else.
your mind raced. why was she calling you? why now? your fiance was in the other room, you were getting married soon. you’d built a life perfectly fine without her in it. so why was she calling you now?
“how have you been?” her voice cuts through the line again. wanda holds the phone close to her ear, wanting to make sure she could hear every word you say.
and all you can think of is how confused you were.
“i- i’m fine. i’m good. yeah.”
“that’s good—”
“i’m sorry, uh…why are you calling?” you find yourself cutting her off. your fingers press against your forehead in act of trying to understand what was happening.
wanda pauses. she realizes just how impulsive this whole thing was. she’s on the phone with her ex of four years, while your fiancé was probably in the other room. she goes silent again. her words have to be carefully measured.
she gulps,
“uhm…i just—i just wanted to know how you were. heard you’re based in new york now...so…” wanda trails off. you don’t miss the tone in her voice as she says those words. the familiar rasp, the lowness of her voice, she’d used it many times on you when she wanted something.
you close your eyes with a sigh, “yeah. yeah, i live in new york now, engaged and everything.”
wanda smiles through the phone, her eyes almost prick with tears at the corners.
“i saw," she says just above a whisper. "congratulations, you…you’ve always wanted that.” and she means it. she knows better than anyone how much you’ve wanted this.
suddenly a wave of nostalgia hits you, and you’re brought back to when you were both in college. so young, so dumb, but god, it was one of the best times of your life. you try not to let it affect you, how much this call seems to be doing for you. you haven’t yet figured out if it’s a good or bad thing.
“thank you." your voice softens. "how have you been?” you find yourself asking her next.
wanda smiles at your question, “life has been…insane, you know?” she pauses on the line. “still missing some pieces, but overall i’m doing well,” you pretend not to hear the sudden shift in her voice when she said that.
you exhaled quietly, unsure of what to say. the air between you felt charged with unspoken words, old memories stirring to the surface.
“can i see you?” she asks, her tone hesitant. “catch up in person? i’d really like to see you.”
with your bottom lip between your teeth, you contemplate your next words. paul notices your tick from the other his seat on the couch, despite you telling him it was okay he couldn’t help but worry. he’d heard enough of the call to know something was wrong. still he knows you had it down, so he waits until you need him.
you struggle to find your words for a moment, the question being so…why?
“oh, wanda, i don’t know if—”
but wanda ever the stubborn woman she is, doesn’t relent.
“please. Just for some coffee and conversation.”
your mind is torn between keeping your peace or taking wanda up on her offer. but you were curious.
with a sigh you finally decide.
“where and when?”
you can hear wanda’s smile through the phone,
“i can fly to new york anytime you’re free. you can pick a spot and i’ll be there.”
you think for a few moments.
“okay, meet at caffe reggio in greenwich. i’ll be in touch with when.”
wanda’s heart stutters, something she hadn’t felt in a while. her eyes flutter closed, she breathes in— out. her eyes open again. and though you can’t see it, there’s a new look in her eyes.
“i’ll be there.”
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EDDIE MUNSON HCs Part 2 - nsfw
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18+
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you are not safe to bend over in front of this man, he'd grab your hips and hump you until you push him away
will not let you leave his trailer without at least 1 (10) hickey
he's the king of teasing
this man is into medieval roleplay, he likes being a knight saving a damsel in distress or brings dnd into it.
he loves being tied up/ tying you up. it just gives him such pleasure, escpeciialy if there is blindfolding, he loves the idea of you getting to touch him and not knowing what you'll do next, it also makes his other senses highten so he feels everything 100% better
edging, thats all i need to say.
he is big on praise
"that's it baby" "you're doing so well f'me" "take me so well" "atta girl"
he's very vocal, and LOUD. that man will be moaning and panting in your ear, stuffing his face in your neck just sloppily thrusting into you.
he will take so many polaroids, in every position, we're taking his fingers in your mouth, tasting yourself on him/ your tits coverd in his juices, your ass in the air, with bright red handprints decorating your skin.
^later on he'd ask if he can make one of them an album cover but you said no.
he's into worshipping. he'll treat you like the godess you are and make sure to give every bit of you attention
i said he was into praise, but he's also degradation, saying things like
"such a slut, aren't you?" "look at you, you're so pathetic" "get on your knees, whore, show me how much you want to taste my cock"
this mans dirty talk is elite, although he has his moments when he gets totally awkward and stammers, (in the beginning f your relationship) that would made you scrunch your nose and shake your head with a litte giggle,
^when this would happen he'd get really flustered and let you take over
hair pulling.
loves when he's told what to do
he'll deny you of orgasms so much until when he finally lets youvyou're just too weak to even scream, you'll just whimper, and he'll pout like a sadistic bitch.
"is that all you got f'me?"
he can go forever, until you're a crying mess begging to stop, and, the gentleman he is, immediatley stops until you pull him back on top of you
to say he loves watching you squirm and writhe underneath him is an understantement, he LIVES for it
his favourite position is reverse cowgirl with him sitting upright behind you, hearing your ass slap against his lap as his hands find their way to your breasts. he likes this position because he can have easy access to your neck and have you leaning against his chest. all while whispering in the shell of your ear.
mate's good with his tongue
rings stay on when he's fingering you
not a big fan of toys. he thinks he's enough to please you
he'd 100% pull out a joint as you ride his dick. and depending on the situation, you'd either share it with him or get really annoyed because that cocky smirk wants you to be irritated
"what are you doing?" you'd stutter as you pant "keeping myself occupied" he'd answer
after that, you'd ride him even harder, trying to get his attention- that's the only reason he does it. to watch you bounce on his cock so hard just for him
his aftercare is most of the time him just lying beside you lazily, yawning because he'd tired himself out, mumbling that you do a good job and just holding you close to him
but when he's not used his full potential on giving you at least 5 rounds (because you must have been tired) he'd take the best care of you
--------------------------------------------
#x fem!reader#eddie munson#eddie munson headcanons#headcannons#joseph quinn#smut#not safe for minors#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x female reader
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Oh boyo...
A large blonde with long hair clapped his hands together. “Finally! The future Queen of The 107th! And a beautiful one at that. It’s a pleasure.” Your eyes widened as he stood, his stature as booming as his voice before he bowed. He actually bowed to you. “Are the rest of you not standing? Fowler, Wilson, on your feet with Rogers. This is not just a woman, this is Barnes’s woman. Show her some respect.”
He's too much, istg 😭 it's like overdosing in respect women juice but it's not actually respect women juice, its just steroids. Bro, calm down.
“Told you it was too soon to bring her here,” the dark-eyed gentleman beside Thor spoke, a mildly sympathetic look on his face. “But, no, you never listen to me.”
Samuel, there's a reason why YOU'RE my Captain America. Steve lost all of his common sense, yours is still intact. That's good. 😭
He seemed nice, but how nice could he be if he was Bucky’s friend?
Stop reminding me, everything is fine. 😭
“It really is nice to see the future wife in person.” Nick gave you a quick once over, but there was no judgment, unlike that jerk at the bar. “I can see exactly why he broke into your place just to talk to you.”
ACA-SCUSE ME. SIR???
“I’m not bothering her. Maybe you're the one bothering her.”
That death wish is like one second away from coming true. Bro, chill 😭
“I think so, too.” Steve smiled and you did your best to return it, but it fell flat as you remembered the flowers at Bucky's penthouse. “Thank you for making my best friend happy. That’s all I want for him.”
....I think the fuck not. Sir, you are no. 1 on the DO NOT TRUST list.
“I've actually done a little bit more than that,” he said, your heart dropping as he looked at Bucky. What did he mean? “Did you get a chance to introduce her?”
BEEP BEEP BEEP. OMG. THEY MATCH EACHOTHER'S FREAKS. BY THEY, I MEAN BUCKY AND STEVE.
AND THEIR READERS MATCH EACH OTHER'S TRAUMA.
“That should've been your first clue that she was special. Everyone else down there has to abide by a dress code, but not her. That’s how much power she has. And you tried to make her feel bad for that?” Bucky held a hand up when Ari stepped forward again. “No. I won't let that stand.”
I am not gonna lie. I am currently freaking out and throwing up, this is too intense. 😃
You rolled your lips between your teeth. Defending you that way was a lot, but a morbid part of you liked that he stood up for you. “Thank you, but no more hitting people in my name. I can't stand it if someone else was hurt because of me.”
I saw that 👀 That's going to the list of things that will make sense in a couple more chapters.
Steve looked at the monitor that displayed the coat room. “We take care of our own.”
Okay, listen. Chris Evans can play a horrifying psychopath. We all know that, we all watched Knives Out and The Gray Man. But STEVE ROGERS as a psychopath is arguably scarier. Like this is STEVE, the gentleman, the empath. There's a certain moral expectation when it comes to him. So seeing him like this but still with a smile on his face acting like he's not terrifying but approachable is definitely my nightmare.
You’d find out soon enough.
Babygirl, you'll be finding out the hard way. 😭
This chapter is by far the most intense for me. It's so well written, it's so well paced. Navy, you've really outdone yourself with this one. 💖
Fuck John. We don't know a John.
Hold You Tight: Part 8
Pairing: Club Owner!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Fic Summary: The owner of The 107th wants you to be his girl whether you like it or not.
Part 7 | Series Masterlist | Part 9
Chapter Summary: You talk with some of Bucky's friends and witness what happens to someone who disrespects you.
Chapter Word Count: Over 5.2k
Chapter Warnings: DARK AU, tension, mention of stalking, inner conflict, insecurities, manipulation, possessiveness, violence (not against reader), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?), more warnings to come.
A/N: More Hold You Tight and thank you for your patience! Hope you lovelies continue to enjoy. Bucky edit by the beautiful @nixakimbo . ❤️ Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby , but any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
You didn’t respond to the comment and did your best to ignore the stares from the others. Intrigue filled their eyes and you suddenly felt as if they placed you under a microscope. Being the center of Bucky’s attention was smothering, but the weight of their gazes settled so hard in your chest that you worried you wouldn’t breathe properly again.
You looked around in the hopes it would distract you. A nice office, just as you expected. A high ceiling like his penthouse, but with carpet instead of a marble floor. The dark, expensive desk and furniture added to the vibe, powerful and ominous. A bookshelf along one wall lined with books reminded you that Bucky really liked to read. You also wondered who painted the lone piece of art that hung above his desk. A black dahlia, symbolic of sadness or betrayal.
Why that flower?
The wall to your left pushed that thought away. Monitors took up the top half and displayed various parts of the club. You weren’t sure why it took you by surprise, especially since he mentioned seeing you in the VIP section. The man was a control freak. At the same time, the club belonged to him and he certainly wouldn’t be the first business owner to have eyes and ears everywhere around his place.
“Quick introduction before we get into specifics,” Bucky said, nodding around the room. “Thor Odinson, Nick Fowler, Sam Wilson, and Steve Rogers.”
A large blonde with long hair clapped his hands together. “Finally! The future Queen of The 107th! And a beautiful one at that. It’s a pleasure.” Your eyes widened as he stood, his stature as booming as his voice before he bowed. He actually bowed to you. “Are the rest of you not standing? Fowler, Wilson, on your feet with Rogers. This is not just a woman, this is Barnes’s woman. Show her some respect.”
“I swear, you aren’t from this world,” a brunette in a sharp black suit mumbled, but got to his feet along with the others. The unexpected gesture stunned you into silence. “We were starting to wonder if you stood us up.”
“Took a bit of convincing to get her here, Nick,” Bucky explained, making you bite your tongue when he kissed your temple. “She wanted a quiet night.”
The handsome man had a menacing glint in his brilliant blue eyes. “And how exactly did you convince her?”
“You know, you can all sit back down,” you cut in. “There’s no reason to stand just because I’m here,” you added, though you appreciated Thor’s genuine enthusiasm. It was kind of endearing.
“Nonsense. You’re all he speaks of, so you are a Queen in our eyes,” Thor said.
“Future Queen does have a nice ring to it. Maybe I can buy you a tiara,” Bucky smiled. The men chuckled in unison, with the exception of Ray.
Hyenas.
Whatever expression you had on your face made Bucky frown. “Are you okay?”
You wanted to scream how you weren’t okay at all and how terrifying the entire situation was, but Bucky took your hand before you could answer and kissed your fingers. It somehow soothed a bit of the nerves, which wasn’t fair since he was the one who tangled you in this web in the first place. “Just not used to so much attention,” you admitted.
“Let’s sit,” Bucky suggested, leading you to the remaining empty sofa. Instead of giving you space, he kept you at his side once you both sat. Was it a display of ownership in front of everyone or did he just want you right beside him? “Ray, bring her some water.”
Your heart thumped against your ribcage and the gentleness of Bucky’s hand on your cheek startled you. It was different on the club floor. Even with his men teasing you, there were tons of others around. Here in the office, the spotlight was solely on you. All because Bucky wanted you. Otherwise, you’d be invisible.
“I’ll have you home soon,” Bucky whispered, grounding you with the reminder that you didn't have to stay all night. “Just a little bit longer.”
“Told you it was too soon to bring her here,” the dark-eyed gentleman beside Thor spoke, a mildly sympathetic look on his face. “But, no, you never listen to me.”
“And I told you where to shove your opinion, Sam,” Bucky snapped, thanking Ray in a softer tone when he placed a bottle in your hand. At least you knew it wasn’t drugged or tampered with since you had to open it yourself.
“So, Barnes tells us you work with flowers?” Thor questioned.
You nodded, not sure if it should bother you that he spoke about your job or impressed that his friends took the time to remember. “Yeah, I’m a florist. I enjoy it.”
“That is a lovely profession. He also mentioned you occasionally bring flowers to the local hospital at no charge,” Thor continued before the others gave him a look you couldn't decipher. “We do not see a lot of kindness like that around here.”
“Yeah, I sometimes…” you trailed off when you noticed Bucky’s jaw clench. It wasn’t something the two of you talked about during your date, but he clearly knew. You’d have to revisit this conversation later. “Bucky, why don't you tell me about your friends?” You suggested. Anything to take the focus off you.
Bucky blinked and gave you a smile after a moment. “Sure. Years ago, Steve decided to drag me to a veteran support meeting after we served, which is how I met Thor and Sam. They invest in real estate,” he explained. “Sam focuses more on the commercial end and Thor on homes.”
The military background didn't surprise you. Brotherhood. Loyalty. Respect. There was an unmistakable bond there.
“Wilson and I were just discussing our newest acquisitions before you walked in,” Thor said, tilting his glass toward you. “Barnes didn't tell us you lived in such a nice area.”
Your stomach tightened with nerves. “Excuse me?”
Sam looked like he was considering his words when Thor’s gaze flickered to him. “Bucky may have mentioned a property or two in that neighborhood that might be a good investment. He’s right.”
Your gaze jerked to the man holding you. His lips curled, knowing and unashamed. His promise to have you out of your home… “Is my apartment building one of those properties?”
Bucky shrugged. “It might be.”
Your heart gave a hard thud. If he was serious… If his friend bought the building… No, he couldn’t do that to you.
“Nick deals with investments, too, but he focuses more on businesses over real estate. We actually introduced him to Bucky,” Sam said, effortlessly shifting the conservation back to the group. He seemed nice, but how nice could he be if he was Bucky’s friend?
“It really is nice to see the future wife in person.” Nick gave you a quick once over, but there was no judgment, unlike that jerk at the bar. “I can see exactly why he broke into your place just to talk to you.”
Bucky rubbed your back when you coughed. Nick was almost as nonchalant about the situation as Bucky was. “So, everyone really is aware that he’s a stalker,” you said.
“He prefers to think of himself as passionate or intense.”
“Pay no attention to him,” Bucky advised.
Nick simply smirked. “I was giving her a compliment.”
“Jax and Hal have already hit on her and I don't need you bothering her, too.”
“I’m not bothering her. Maybe you're the one bothering her.”
“Please, you don't have to talk about me like I'm not here,” you interrupted. Wanting to be invisible was one thing, but you wouldn't be treated as such.
You shut your mouth when everyone looked your way, but relaxed when all the men laughed again. “I like you,” Nick said. That brought a small smile to your face. It wasn't like you wanted the people in Bucky's life to like you, but it was nice to see that others weren’t phased by his power.
Bucky shot him a look for a split second before the latter put his hands up. “I don’t like her that way. We all know she's your girl,” he promised before looking at you again. “But I do like your spirit. It's good for him.”
Bucky shifted his gaze back to you adoringly as you shrank back into the sofa. “Thanks,” you whispered.
“And since you’re here, I wanted to ask what you think I should get Brady and Addison for their upcoming wedding,” Nick smirked again, but it was much softer this time. “I asked Bucky, but he thought I should ask you since you're so close to them.”
A chill ran over you. How did… “Nick,” you whispered, recalling your earlier conversation with Addison. “You’re Brady’s new boss, aren't you?”
“Smart girl.” he smiled, impressed. “I’m a boss of sorts. He’s a hard worker. Loves his fiancé. I hope they're enjoying their dinner.”
“Check their registry. Everything they want is there,” you said as evenly as you could manage, wishing you had the strength to bolt from the room.
You swallowed back the urge to get sick as Bucky rubbed your side. This wasn't just meeting his friends. This was a not-so-subtle way to tell you that you weren't getting away from him. And how could you? There was a chance that Sam bought your building. Nick had a way to get to people you cared about. And Steve showed up at your job, one of your only safe-havens. What was next?
It would've been easy to feel hollow to it all as Bucky wove himself into your life. Was it just control he sought? Or did he want to be in as much of life as possible so you couldn't forget him if you tried? No matter where you went, where you looked, who you saw, it would now trace back to him. Like he wanted everything to begin and end with him.
You looked toward Ray, but he looked at the floor. Sighing, you shook her head. You were all alone. “So, Bucky knows how to get into my home and pretty much knows everywhere I go. Sam or Thor might be buying the building I live in. Nick is working with someone close to me. And Steve… clearly knows where I work. Am I missing anything? Is this totally normal behavior for all of you?”
You could still see the intrigue in their eyes at your clipped tone. “You seem unhappy by that, but it is a dangerous world out there and you are a guarded treasure who needs to be looked after,” Thor spoke, looking to the others for support. “All of our women are.”
Nick nodded after a moment. “Varying degrees with our approaches, but yes. It’s dangerous out there.”
You huffed. Did they think they were the good guys? Were their significant others like you? Trapped? “It’s dangerous here, too.”
“You’re not in any danger with us.” Bucky turned your head toward him. “But Thor's right. You are my treasure, Kotyonok. I found you and I’m not letting you go.”
A possession. Something to covet. “You could’ve just left me buried in the sand or at the bottom of the ocean,” you whispered, ignoring the hurt in his eyes. “I didn’t ask for you to dig me up.”
“This is all overwhelming. I know it is,” Bucky whispered back, like the others weren’t listening. “If you’re upset that Steve went into your shop or for anything else, you can blame me.”
Of course that was the thing he commented on. “Oh, don’t worry. I do blame you.”
The men laughed again as he ran a finger along your neck. “Another thing I’ll make up to you.”
You huffed again. “And how will you do that? Jerk off while I’m on the phone with you? Because you already did that earlier.”
Bucky smirked at your sass when Sam coughed and said, “Steve, you’re being awfully quiet over there.” You almost forgot he was there since he hadn't said much else since you walked in.
“Who cares about Steve?” Nick grinned as he sipped his drink. “Let’s hear more about that phone call.”
“Just observing, Sam.” Steve cut in and crossed his arms as his gaze swept over the group. “And don’t be rude, Nick.”
“Is it rude if I also want to hear about the phone call?” Thor asked.
Heat flowed to your cheeks and you wished you just kept your mouth shut. “Please, forget I said that,” you begged. Because now that you mentioned it, it would play on a loop again in your mind.
Bucky said low enough for only you to hear, “Next time I get off, I want you right there with me.” The heat in your veins turned to molten lava. “But since you want to change the subject, Steve has been my best friend since we were kids and now he helps out around the club and with other endeavors,” he introduced, a hint of pride and fondness that wasn't fully extended to the other men. “I think you two are going to get along very well.”
“I think so, too.” Steve smiled and you did your best to return it, but it fell flat as you remembered the flowers at Bucky's penthouse. “Thank you for making my best friend happy. That’s all I want for him.”
“Thanks,” you said. That was all you wanted for your best friend, so you understood to an extent. “Did your girl enjoy the tulips or did you make that whole thing up?”
You weren't exactly sure what Bucky told him to do when he went into the shop, or what he told any of the men to do for that matter. Spying, keeping tabs, it was just a reminder of the eyes and ears your pseudo-boyfriend had around the city. Your brain begged you to get out of there, but you couldn't move.
“She really does love tulips and was very happy with them,” he assured you. “So I should thank you again for making her happy, too.”
You shouldn't dig the knife in after he complimented you, but you couldn't help yourself. “And are you like Bucky and stalking her, too?”
A hint of pink showed in the blonde’s cheeks when Bucky and Nick chuckled, but he gave you a lopsided grin and didn't seem at all offended. “I've actually done a little bit more than that,” he said, your heart dropping as he looked at Bucky. What did he mean? “Did you get a chance to introduce her?”
Bucky shook his head as Steve’s face fell. “Didn't stop at coat check,” he answered before he added, “His girl works here part-time, but I thought it would be better for you two to officially meet when we go on a double date.”
“A double date?” You asked.
“Yeah, the four of us. Steve and I already have a few ideas on where to go.” Another thing that wasn’t a suggestion. Wouldn’t be a choice. Did Steve’s poor girl have any idea?
“What does coat check girl’s boyfriend think about the double dates?” Nick said, typing out something on his phone.
Steve's smile slipped. “Soon-to-be ex and she has a name.”
“That's right, I forgot. You're going to ‘handle him’,” he said, your body tensing at the implication.
“I'm sorry. Didn't you break your future brother-in-law's arm?”
“I almost broke both arms,” he shrugged when you gawked at him. “My girl’s a best-selling author, but her brother is a piece of shit.”
Thor downed the rest of his drink. “That reminds me of the time I broke my father-in-law's fingers. My brother advised against it, but…”
The voices blended together as you took a sip of the water. You weren't a violent person, didn’t speak casually of violence the way they did, but the urge to hit or throw something became stronger with each passing second. All things considered, you were extremely patient with everything. How much more could you take?
“I want to go home, please,” you told Bucky. You had to get out of there. “I mean it. I met your friends and-”
The room went silent as someone knocked on the door. No one made a move, except for Ray and Steve who both reached for something in their jackets. “Expecting someone, boss?” Ray asked.
“Actually, I am.” Bucky checked his watch. “Should be Ari and a guest.”
“What guest? Not Ransom,” Steve said, his body still tense.
“And not Andy or Scott. They’re out of town,” Nick added.
Bucky’s wolfish smile was back on his face. “You’ll see.”
The doors opened and in walked the man who insulted you at the bar, looking around like he owned the place. Ari followed with a glare that had you shrinking into the sofa again. The night was just getting better and better, wasn't it?
“John?” Sam didn't look impressed. “Really?”
Bucky stood up to shake the man’s hand and you suddenly missed his warmth. “John. Enjoying your evening?”
“Yeah. That shirtless bartender gave me drinks on the house.”
“I’m glad Hal took care of you.” You could smell the liquor coming from him the further he stepped into the room. “And I think you know just about everyone here.”
While the men had smiled and welcomed you, none of them extended the same courtesy to John. Steve and Sam looked like they wanted to punch him. Nick didn't even glance up from his phone to acknowledge him. Thor simply got himself another drink.
“I do.” John hiccuped. “‘Bout time you invited me up here.”
“Yeah, I guess it is about time.” The look on Bucky’s face gave you chills as he grabbed John’s arm and stopped him from sitting down. “Oh, no. You don’t need to sit. You won't be here long.”
“Is that right?”
“That is right.” The grip on John’s arm tightened enough to make him wince. “You see, I told Hal to give you free drinks until Ari came to get you. And the only reason I had you brought up here was so you could officially meet my girl before I have you kicked out.”
“Kick me out?! What the fuck are…” John had a noticeable twinge in his cheek as he spotted you. You wanted to cover yourself up even though you weren’t exposed. “That's your girl?”
“She’s my everything.” Bucky briefly looked away from John to gaze at you. “And from what I understand, you knocked her out of the way at the bar and made a rude comment. I’d like to know exactly what you said to her.”
Nick glanced up from his phone, more interested in the conversation now. All of the men were. That wasn't good. Not at all.
“Look, I may have bumped into her, but I don’t…” John cleared his throat as Bucky stared at him, underlying rage in his eyes. “I don’t recall mouthing off to her or anything.”
“Bucky, it’s fine,” you said. You told him that earlier. What was he doing?
“Kotyonok, do you remember what he said to you since John’s memory is so terrible?” Bucky asked, his gaze still fixed on the man in front of him who was starting to sweat. “It’s okay. You can tell us.”
The others stared at you expectantly. You shifted, not wanting to blurt out exactly what the guy said. Lying wouldn’t make it any better though. Bucky clearly knew what happened.
“See? Nothing happened,” John tried to dismiss you when you stayed silent. “How about a drink?”
Bucky pursed his lips in disdain. “How about I have Ari beat the words out of you instead?”
You gasped when Ari pushed himself off the wall, fear all over John’s face as he advanced. He looked like he was going to piss himself. “He called me an ugly undressed bitch,” you said loud enough to make Ari stop.
Something in the room shifted, the silence extended and uncomfortable as the men rose to their feet one by one. Thor made a show of cracking his knuckles after he winked at you. You had nothing to fear. They didn't want to hurt you. So why were you still trembling?
Steve slipped his jacket off and strode forward until he was beside his best friend. “You said that to her?”
John bravely or stupidly attempted to deflect. “The music is loud and-”
“You better shut your fucking mouth if you even think of calling her a liar. Not that I need anyone else’s word except for hers, but Hal also heard you. Even told you to apologize, which you chose to ignore. I can pull up the camera if you want to see the footage.” Bucky’s even tone had you trembling in your spot just like John. “You really have the nerve to come into my club and speak to my girl like that?”
John scrambled for words as he pointed at you. “I didn't… I mean, look at what she’s wearing! How was I supposed to know?”
“That should've been your first clue that she was special. Everyone else down there has to abide by a dress code, but not her. That’s how much power she has. And you tried to make her feel bad for that?” Bucky held a hand up when Ari stepped forward again. “No. I won't let that stand.”
“Bucky.” John swallowed when the rest of the men shifted to surround him. The only exception was Ray, who stood closest to you. “I…”
“Apologize to her,” he snarled. “Get on your fucking knees and say you’re sorry.”
“I’m sorry.” John glanced at the floor. “Don't make me get on my knees.”
“That’s enough! I don't want his apology anyway,” you spoke up. An empty apology from a jackass was meaningless. “I appreciate that you want him to say sorry, but I’d rather he just leave if that's okay. Please.”
Bucky let out a slow breath. “My girl has a kind heart.” He briefly took his eyes off John to offer you a soft smile before turning his attention back to him. “But I don't. You’re banned from my club. And by the end of the day tomorrow, you’ll be banned from just about everywhere in the city.”
John laughed, a broken, nervous sound. “This is a joke, right?”
Bucky cracked his neck. “I’ve never liked you. None of us do. We tolerated you, but I won't tolerate you insulting my girl.” He signaled for Ari to open the doors. “So you have two options. You can leave on your own and be permanently banned from this establishment. Or I can make you leave and you’ll be permanently banned from this establishment. Your choice.”
“You can't ban me for one comment! That's insane!”
“I consider it harassment,” Bucky corrected him. Ironic coming from him since he invaded your life. “I take it I'll have to make you leave?”
“You know what? Fuck you. This club sucks anyway.” John moved toward the door before he stopped to look back at you. “And you think you’re special since you're up here? You’re just an uptight bitch who-”
Bucky’s fist connected with John’s jaw before he could finish his insult and you could only shriek as he hit the wall and crumbled to the floor a heartbeat later. Steve hauled him to his feet by his collar before he could recover and punched him in the stomach hard enough that you flinched. Ray shielded your body as best as he could as everyone took turns punching him.
“Don't look,” he whispered.
“I don't know if I can do this,” you whispered back. You were trying to stay calm, but this…
“Yes, you can. Just breathe. In and out,” Ray urged. His face didn't give much away, but you sensed his relief when you took a few deep breaths. “There you go. And don't look.”
You didn't look. It still didn’t block out the sounds, fists connecting against skin and bones, and John’s pained groans. Nor did it stop you from shaking. It couldn't have lasted more than a minute, but it felt like a lifetime until the room went quiet again. Was it over?
“What did you guys do to him?!” You asked, loosening your hold on Ray’s arm. When did you grab him?
“We taught him a lesson.” Bucky flexed his fingers with a sigh. “I have an abundance of patience for you, it's less so with people who are disrespectful and vulgar with you.”
Ray still shielded you when you tried to look where John lay in a heap, but was careful not to touch you. “...Is he breathing?”
“He is and he's lucky for that,” Bucky replied, nudging him with his foot. “Looking strong, John.”
“About time we shut him up,” Nick said, plopping back down in his seat. “Should've banned him months ago.”
“No one deserves a beating more than John,” Steve said, gazing at you like a big brother who just beat up a schoolyard bully for picking on you. “And don't worry. He won’t speak to you like that again.”
“He won’t be speaking much at all after that,” Sam said, taking a drink from Thor’s outstretched hand. “No big loss there.”
“Ari, would you mind taking out the trash?” Bucky asked, tilting his head as he looked down at John. “And can you get the cleaners up here to do something about the blood on my carpet?”
“On it.” Ari effortlessly picked John up and put him over his shoulder as you tried to process what you witnessed. You were past processing any of it, your brain nearly broken from the stress.
In fact, the only one phased by the violence was you as everyone went about their business again. It made your head spin. That was all from a guy insulting you. What would they do if someone actually tried to do anything to you?
Ray stepped aside when Bucky made his way back to you, the anger gone from his eyes. “You’re shaking,” he whispered, pressing his lips against your forehead. “I'm sorry if that scared you.”
“Of course, it scared me! You all beat the hell out of him,” you scolded. On instinct, you grabbed his hand to check it. You had no idea why you wanted to make sure his hand was okay after everything. “None of you had to do that.”
“We don't like bullies,” Steve said as Bucky let you inspect his hand, your fingers gently brushing over his knuckles. “It was bad enough what he said, but he knocked you out the way, too, and didn't apologize. He deserved it.”
“Yeah, he did,” Bucky agreed, taking the opportunity to grip your hand before you could let him go.
“That was a bit much,” you said. It was overkill in your eyes. “I'm not worth beating someone up over.”
He met your gaze with a smile. “You’re worth more than I can ever give you. And he won't be bothering anyone in this club ever again.”
“You're really going to ban him?”
“Absolutely. I have a reputation to uphold. He's only going to mess that up if I let him stick around.”
“Ari isn't going to…” You weren’t sure what he would do to John since they were out of sight.
“You don’t need to worry about a thing.” Bucky moved his hand to your cheek. “I only wish I could hit him again for how he spoke about you.”
You rolled your lips between your teeth. Defending you that way was a lot, but a morbid part of you liked that he stood up for you. “Thank you, but no more hitting people in my name. I can't stand it if someone else was hurt because of me.”
“His actions got him hurt because he hurt you first. I know he did. And I said I’d step in if someone hurt or upset you.” His gaze dropped to your mouth when you bit your lip again. The insult did bother you, but it didn’t matter now. “You really do have a kind heart and you’re making it very difficult not to kiss you right now,” he added, brushing his thumb over your lips.
Goosebumps rolled over your skin at the touch, but you stepped back before he could push his thumb into your mouth. He was still dangerous. Still taking over your life. That was enough to wake you from any spell he tried to put you under. “You’re driving me crazy.”
“Just returning the favor.” He held up his hand again with a small smile. “You sure you don’t want to give it another look? A little kiss might make it feel better.”
You rolled your eyes. The man was utterly ridiculous. “I’m not kissing your hand, Bucky. We both know it’s fine.”
“One little kiss? Please?” He winced for show as he flexed his fingers again, but you wouldn't budge. “C’mon. You were worried about my hand enough to check it for damage.”
You shook your head. “I wasn't worried. I just wanted to make sure you didn't injure yourself because that would just be one more thing you’d hold over my head,” you deflected, glancing around to find everyone staring at you again with smiles on their faces at the exchange. “Thanks for defending me.”
“Nothing to thank us for,” Thor held his glass up to you.
Steve looked at the monitor that displayed the coat room. “We take care of our own.”
An alarm on Bucky’s phone went off before you could say anything else. “And look at that? It’s time to go.” The men groaned before he shut the alarm off. “I promised I’d have her home and I’m keeping that promise.”
Steve looked the most disappointed of all. “I barely got to talk to her,” he grumbled.
“Next time, okay? And the double date soon.” Bucky smiled at his friend.
“It was wonderful to meet you,” Thor said as Nick and Sam nodded in your direction. “And I hope to see you at my party next week. Everyone will be there.”
“Maybe,” you said, putting as much emphasis on the word as possible. How would you get out of that? And the double date?
“Okay, you’re all welcome to hang out, but we’re leaving,” Bucky said.
“Maybe I should find my own way home,” you said. Bucky didn’t just have his claws in you, his friends did, too. You needed a breather. Some wine. “I really don't mind getting a cab.”
“Not happening,” he whispered. It was worth a shot. “I need to make sure you get in bed safely.”
“In bed?” You repeated, almost laughing until you saw his serious expression. “You seriously don't expect me to invite you in, do you?”
“Yeah, I do,” he said, steering you toward the door as Ray followed. “Besides, who else is going to tuck you in?”
Was tucking you in going to be enough to satisfy him tonight or would he take it further?
You’d find out soon enough.
Now we know what happened to John! What do we think of his friends? Will Bucky be good when he takes you home? Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
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jealousy breeds contempt
warnings smut proceed with caution lile this kinda lewd asff joel is a major meanie like so mean, also pls practice safe sex omg im the worst at warnings - also sorry tess i promise i dont hate u xx
The heat was oppressive, the kind that made your skin sticky and tempers short. You dragged your feet behind them, eyes squinting against the sunlight as Joel and Tess moved ahead of you through the QZ’s crowded streets.
They walked close, too close, shoulders brushing as they murmured in voices low enough to be swallowed by the commotion around you. A muscle in your jaw ticked. Their connection—whatever it was—always grated on you in a way you couldn’t quite explain.
Joel turned abruptly, his sharp brown eyes slicing through the haze. “Keep up,” he barked, his voice rough, worn down by years of shouting orders and never being questioned. Tess glanced over her shoulder, her lips curving into a smirk that was as condescending as it was victorious, like she’d won some silent competition you weren’t even playing.
You hated Tess. She didn’t like you either; she never had. But the thing that really bugged you, that gnawed at the edges of your thoughts like a stray dog on a bone, was her relationship with Joel.
It felt... strange. Intimate in ways you didn’t understand, or maybe didn’t want to understand. You liked Joel—though God only knew why. He wasn’t nice to you. Not really. But he had his ways. He looked out for you when no one else did, fixed your messes, patched you up when things went south. It wasn’t soft, but it was something, and you clung to it like a lifeline.
The walk felt endless, the sun beating down relentlessly until you finally reached the run-down building they used to stash their contraband. Inside, it was cooler, the peeling wallpaper and damp air making it feel like a tomb. Tess disappeared into the grimy excuse for a kitchen, and Joel dropped onto the sagging couch beside you. His presence was heavy, commanding, like he could fill a room without trying.
“Here,” he grunted, shoving a sandwich into your hand. It was rough around the edges, hastily made, but it was the kind of thing Joel did.
“I don’t want it,” you snapped, pushing it back toward him. The bite in your tone surprised even you, sharp and ungrateful. You didn’t know why you were acting like this.
Or maybe you did.
The tension had been simmering all day, coiling low in your stomach like a knot of barbed wire. It wasn’t just anger—it was something else. Neediness, frustration, something primal that made your skin feel too tight.
Joel’s eyes darkened, his hand freezing mid-air as he processed your rejection. “’Scuse me?” His voice was low, gravelly, carrying the kind of weight that made you want to shrink under it.
“Don’t be a brat,” Tess called from the kitchen, her tone dripping with disdain. You clenched your fists, heat crawling up your spine as the familiar burn of shame and anger flared to life.
“Stay out of it,” you snapped at Tess, the words cutting through the tense air like a whip. For a moment, everything stilled. Tess froze mid-step in the kitchen, her hand gripping the edge of the counter as her jaw clenched. The heat of her glare burned into your skin, but you didn’t care. Not today.
You looked at Joel, his eyebrows lifting, just for a split second. A flicker of something almost playful, like he couldn’t decide whether to be pissed or impressed. Amusement, maybe, though it was gone before you could be sure. His lips pressed into a hard line, but the corner twitched like he was fighting the urge to smirk.
“You ungrateful little—” Tess started, her voice sharp and venomous.
“Stop.” Joel’s voice cut through hers, low and commanding. Tess turned her glare on him, but he didn’t flinch. His gaze didn’t waver, locked on you with that same unreadable intensity that made your stomach twist. “It’s fine,” he said, though his tone carried no softness, no reassurance. “She can go to bed hungry.”
The words stung, and your throat tightened. Joel turned, grabbing his pack from the floor and slinging it over his broad shoulder. “Let’s go,” he said to Tess, already heading for the door.
Tess huffed, her irritation radiating off her in waves, but she didn’t argue. She shot you one last icy look before following Joel out, her boots heavy against the worn floorboards. The door slammed behind them, leaving the room eerily quiet.
Your eyes drifted to the counter, where the sandwich sat untouched.
૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
The room was dark except for the faint orange glow of the streetlights filtering through the cracked blinds. You lay on the mattress in the corner, curled on your side, the silence wrapping around you like a heavy blanket.
The muffled sound of boots on the hardwood floor broke through the stillness, steady and deliberate, before stopping just outside the doorway. You knew it was him before he even spoke.
“You eat the sandwich?” Joel’s voice was low, rough with exhaustion. He stepped into the room, the faint creak of the floorboards following him as he settled down beside the wall. He slid down until he was sitting, one knee bent, his broad shoulders resting against the peeling plaster.
You turned onto your back, staring at the ceiling. “Where’s Tess?” you asked, your voice quieter than you intended.
“Outside,” he said simply, nodding toward the living area. “Cleaning up.”
You rolled onto your side, looking at him in the dim light. His head was tipped back against the wall, his eyes half-closed.
You hesitated for a moment, the words catching in your throat, but the day’s tension—weeks of it, really—forced them out. “I hate her,” you said, your voice flat, but the edges of your words were jagged.
Joel’s head turned, his gaze locking on you. His eyes flicked over your face, searching, reading you in that way he always did—like you were a puzzle he didn’t quite know how to put together. He let out a breath, the kind that wasn’t quite a sigh but close, and scratched at the scruff along his jaw.
“She’s not so bad,” he said finally, though his tone wasn’t convincing. He looked away, his hands resting loosely on his thighs. “She’s just... Tess.”
You huffed, turning your face back to the wall. “She’s awful,” you muttered, the heat in your voice undeniable. “She’s bossy, mean, and she hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” Joel said, though the weight in his voice betrayed him. He sighed, long and slow, like he didn’t even believe the words coming out of his own mouth.
“Yeah, right,” you replied, the bitterness laced thick in your tone as you pulled the blanket tighter around yourself.
Joel shifted, his knee creaking as he adjusted against the wall. “Hey,” he said, his voice firm but not harsh. “Why are you actin’ like a brat?”
“I’m not,” you shot back, sitting up slightly, the mattress creaking beneath you. “She’s weird with me because of you,” you added, your voice sharpening, each word cutting like glass.
His head tilted slightly, eyebrows furrowing in that way he did when you said something he didn’t like or didn’t understand. “What?”
You huffed, your frustration bubbling to the surface as you leaned forward, staring him down. “She likes you, Joel. That’s why she’s always a bitch to me.”
Joel blinked, his expression caught somewhere between surprise and disbelief. And then he laughed. It was dry, humorless, and sharp, like the idea was so ridiculous he couldn’t even begin to entertain it.
“You’re fuckin’ delusional,” he remarked, shaking his head as he leaned back against the wall again, arms folding across his broad chest.
“I’m not,” you snapped, glaring at him. “She looks at me like I’m some kind of... threat or something. Like I don’t belong.”
Joel’s face tightened, his eyes narrowing slightly. He didn’t respond right away, his jaw working as he chewed on your words.
“Doesn’t matter,” Joel said gruffly, his tone sharp and edged with irritation. “You don’t gotta like her. Just don’t act like a brat about it.”
“I’m not,” you shot back, your temper flaring hot and unchecked. “You’re not my fucking dad, so don’t tell me what to do.”
That did it.
Joel’s jaw tightened, and in one swift motion, he pushed himself up from the floor, his boots scraping against the wood as he rose to his full height. Before you could react, he was in front of you, his hand gripping your wrist firmly as he pulled you up from the mattress like you weighed nothing.
“What’d you just say to me?” he barked, his voice low and dangerous, his dark eyes boring into yours with an intensity that made your breath hitch. His presence was overwhelming, his body towering over yours, unrelenting as he waited for your answer.
“I said you’re not my dad, so fuck off,” you hissed, your eyes locking with his in defiance. But your voice wavered, trembling at the edges, betraying the confidence you were trying to project.
Joel’s nostrils flared, and in one swift movement, he pushed you down back into the mattress and leaned down over you, bracketing you in with his broad shoulders and forearms. His presence was overwhelming, his weight shifting slightly as he hovered above you, his eyes dark and unrelenting.
You froze, your breath hitching as his knee pressed into the mattress between your thighs, the rough fabric of his jeans brushing against your core. The sensation sent a jolt of heat through you, sharp and unexpected. A sound escaped your lips before you could stop it—a soft, needy whimper that felt deafening in the tense silence between you.
Joel stilled, his brows knitting together as his dark eyes flicked to your face, searching for something. “The fuck was that?” he muttered, his voice low and sharp, more curious than angry.
Your cheeks burned, your breath catching as you tried to will your body under control. But then his knee shifted slightly, brushing against you again, and you couldn’t stop the way your body arched instinctively, a traitorous whimper slipping free once more.
His gaze hardened, his lips twisting into something between surprise and smugness as he looked down at you, reading every inch of your flushed face. “You just fuckin’ whimper?” he asked, his voice rough and almost disbelieving, like he didn’t trust his own ears.
“No,” you stammered, your cheeks burning as you squirmed beneath him, trying to twist away. “Get off me.”
Joel didn’t move. If anything, he seemed even more planted, his presence overwhelming as he leaned closer. A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, his dark eyes glinting with amusement and something else—something darker, something that made your stomach churn and flip all at once. “Oh,” he drawled, his voice slow and dripping with condescension. “So that’s what this is about, huh?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” you snapped, trying to keep your voice steady, but the heat in your cheeks betrayed you. The way he looked at you, like he could see right through you, made it impossible to breathe.
“Poor little thing,” he murmured, his tone mockingly sweet, each word cutting deeper. “So wound up you don’t even know what to do with yourself, huh?” His thumb brushed lazily over your hip, the contact light but enough to make you squirm. “That’s why you’ve been actin’ like a goddamn brat all day, isn’t it?”
“I haven’t—” you started, your voice shaky, but Joel cut you off. His hand came up, rough and steady, cupping your jaw and tilting your face up toward his. The motion was firm, commanding, leaving no room for protest.
“Don’t even try to lie to me,” he said, his voice a low growl that sent shivers racing down your spine. His dark eyes bore into yours, unrelenting and sharp, as if he could see right through you, peeling back every layer you tried to hide behind. “I’ve got you all figured out. You’ve been beggin’ for attention, haven’t you? Too damn stubborn to just ask for it, so you throw a tantrum instead.”
"Fuck off Joel," you said, but your words lacked conviction, your voice trembling with a mix of frustration and something else—something darker. There was no fight in your tone, no real weight behind the demand.
Joel laughed, low and rough, the sound rolling from his chest like thunder. It wasn’t warm or comforting; it was sharp, mocking, cutting into you with ease. “I fuckin’ knew it,” he drawled, his tone thick with condescension. His lips curled into a wicked smirk as he leaned in closer. “Knew I could hear you at night. Moanin’ like a needy little thing. Horny as hell, weren’t you?”
“Joel!” you shrieked, mortified, your voice cracking as your face burned hot with embarrassment. You squirmed beneath him, trying to twist away, but his weight pinned you down, unyielding. “Stop it! Oh my God, stop—”
But Joel didn’t stop. If anything, his smirk deepened, his eyes gleaming with amusement as he leaned in, his breath hot against your ear. “That why you don’t like Tess?” he murmured, his voice laced with teasing cruelty.
“What?” you sputtered, whipping your head toward him, your voice high and defensive. “Of course not!”
“Thought maybe you were jealous,” he continued, his tone slow and deliberate, like he was savoring every word. “Thinkin’ I was fuckin’ her.”
Your glare sharpened, your hands balling into fists at your sides, but the heat crawling up your neck betrayed your frustration. “I don’t give a fuck what you do with her,” you spat, your voice laced with defiance.
Joel tilted his head slightly, his smirk deepening as he studied you, his gaze heavy and unrelenting. “Admit it,” he murmured, his tone coaxing but sharp enough to sting. “You’ve been wantin’ this—wantin’ me—for a long time. Haven’t you?”
“You’re a freak,” you snapped, twisting beneath him in what you tried to pass off as resistance. But it was half-hearted at best, your body betraying you completely.
The heat pooling low in your stomach, the electric buzz coursing through you—it all told the truth that you refused to say out loud. And you knew Joel could see it, could feel it.
His smirk widened, cruel and smug, his eyes gleaming with wicked amusement. Without warning, he stood up, dusting off his jeans with deliberate nonchalance, as though nothing had just happened. The sudden loss of his weight, his heat, left you reeling, your skin still burning where his touch had lingered.
“Alright,” he said, his voice casual, dismissive, as he turned toward the door. “Sleep well.” The words were thrown over his shoulder like an afterthought, his tone dripping with indifference, and he didn’t even spare you a glance.
“What?” you blurted, sitting up so fast the mattress shifted beneath you. Your voice was laced with panic, confusion. “Where are you going?”
Joel stopped in his tracks, turning his head just enough to look at you, his expression smug and infuriating. “Where am I goin’?” he repeated, his voice rich with mockery. “Thought you didn’t want me here, darlin’. Thought I was a ‘freak.’” He let the word roll off his tongue, slow and deliberate.
You opened your mouth, your pride fighting against the words clawing their way out. “Come back,” you said softly, barely above a whisper, the vulnerability in your voice betraying you. It hung in the air, raw and desperate, and you hated yourself for how much you meant it.
Joel stopped mid-step, his shoulders stiffening before he turned his head just enough to look at you. His smirk returned, slow and lazy, as he pressed a hand to his ear in exaggerated mockery. “What was that?” he drawled, “Didn’t quite catch that, sweetheart. Magic word, maybe?”
“Please,” you bit out, your voice sharp, but the heat in your stomach betrayed the anger in your tone. When he didn’t move, you groaned, throwing your head back against the wall. “Fucking hell. Please, Joel.”
That did it. His smirk softened, his eyes darkening as he took a step back toward you, then another, his movements slow and deliberate. “There it is,” he murmured, his voice low and teasing as he stood before you again, towering over you. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
You rolled your eyes but didn’t fight him.
"Alright, lay back," Joel said, his voice low and rough, a command, not a request.
You didn’t hesitate, the tension in the room thick enough to suffocate you. You ripped the covers off and leaned back against the mattress, your body buzzing with anticipation. Joel settled beside you, one knee pressing into the bed as he took his time, his dark eyes trailing over you like he was trying to figure out what to do with you.
Excitement coursed through you, and you shifted, your legs falling open instinctively, one thigh brushing against his leg. It was bold, shameless, and you didn’t care. Not when he was this close, not when his gaze was this heavy.
“Jesus,” Joel muttered under his breath, shaking his head as his eyes flicked down to where your thighs parted. “Like a bitch in heat.”
Your face burned, the words cutting through you like a knife, sharp and cruel. “Don’t be mean,” you shot back, your voice trembling with a mix of indignation and need.
He snorted, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk. “Mean?” he repeated, his voice dripping with condescension. “You were the one actin’ like a brat all day, weren’t you?” His hand reached out, rough and calloused as it slid up your thigh, his touch firm and unyielding. “So that’s how I’m gonna treat you.”
Your breath hitched as his hand moved higher, the warmth of his palm searing against your skin. His eyes locked on yours, dark and intense, daring you to argue. “You think you deserve nice?” he drawled, his voice soft but laced with a cruel edge. “After the way you’ve been runnin’ that mouth all day?”
“I didn’t—” you started, but he cut you off with a sharp laugh.
“Don’t even try,” he said, his thumb brushing against your inner thigh in a way that made your legs tremble. “You wanted attention, didn’t you? Well, now you’ve got it, darlin’. So be a good girl and take it.”
Joel’s thumb pressed firmly against you, the rough fabric of your clothes doing little to dull the sensation as he dragged it slowly over your aching, wet core. The friction sent a shiver through you, and you couldn’t stop the soft, desperate sound that escaped your lips.
“Fucking hell,” Joel muttered, his voice low and thick with disbelief. His dark eyes flicked to your face, studying your side profile, your lips parted and your chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath. “How’s it possible to be this wet?” he said, almost to himself, his tone rough, like he was mocking you for being so undone already.
You groaned, the heat in his voice igniting something primal in you. Your hips lifted instinctively, chasing the pressure of his fingers, desperate for more. He chuckled, low and rough, the sound vibrating through you like a current.
“Look at you,” he murmured, his tone mocking but laced with something darker, something hungrier. “Couldn’t even wait, huh? Drippin’ all over yourself like this. You really are just a needy little thing, aren’t you?”
You whimpered, your pride burning at his words but the ache between your thighs drowning out everything else. His thumb moved again, slower this time, teasing, torturous, as he watched you squirm beneath him. “Joel,” you breathed, his name slipping past your lips in a mix of frustration and desperation.
“Take ’em off,” Joel said, his voice a low growl that sent a shiver straight through you.
Your hands moved instantly, no hesitation, hooking into the waistband of your panties and sliding them down your legs, clutching the flimsy fabric in your hands, your body buzzing with a mix of anticipation and shame.
“Give ’em to me,” he said, holding out his hand.
You hesitated for a second, just a second, before you placed them in his palm. He didn’t even look at them, just shoved them into his back pocket like it was nothing. The action, casual and deliberate, made your cheeks burn.
“Pervert,” you muttered under your breath, glaring at him even as your stomach twisted in want.
“Hey,” he said sharply, his eyes narrowing. “Watch it. I can walk out that door right now. That what you want?”
You froze, your heart skipping a beat. “No,” you said quickly, your voice soft and desperate as you shook your head.
“Good,” he said simply, his smirk returning as he leaned back slightly. “Sit back.”
The cool air hit you, and you flushed even hotter, knowing how exposed you were, how much of a mess you must look.
Joel’s gaze dropped between your thighs, his lips twitching into something between a smirk and a sneer. “Jesus,” he muttered, shaking his head. “You’re drippin’ all over yourself.”
Your breath hitched as his fingers ghosted over your core, not quite touching but close enough to make you squirm.
“You touch yourself?” he asked, his tone low and almost mocking, his fingertips brushing just barely against your slick skin.
“Yeah,” you admitted, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as your hips twitched toward his hand.
He hummed, nodding slowly. “How much?” he asked, his voice thick, his fingers still teasing, never giving you what you wanted.
“Every night,” you said, the words tumbling out before you could stop them. You didn’t care how filthy you sounded, didn’t care how his lips curled into a smirk at your confession. You just needed him to touch you. “Every single night.”
“Christ,” Joel muttered, his fingers grazing you just enough to make your breath hitch. His eyes flicked back up to your face, dark and intense. “What do you think about?”
You hesitated, your heart pounding in your chest, before your gaze locked with his. “You,” you admitted, the word barely above a whisper. And then, before you could overthink it, you leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
He stiffened for half a second, the shock evident, but then he relaxed, his eyes fluttering shut as he let you kiss him. That alone surprised you—Joel wasn’t the type to give, not like this. His lips were warm, firm, and they lingered against yours, almost tender in a way that made your chest ache.
“Hm,” he hummed when you pulled back, his eyes still half-lidded. “Sweet,” he said, the word muttered so quietly it felt like it wasn’t meant for you to hear.
A small smile tugged at your lips, the warmth spreading through you despite the tension still coiling in your stomach.
But Joel wasn’t one to stay soft for long. His smirk returned, sharp and teasing. “Still a fuckin’ brat,” he said, his voice low and rough. “And brats get punished.”
You groaned, the words sending a shiver through you as your hips lifted instinctively, begging for more of his touch. His dark laugh rumbled low in his chest, and he leaned back just enough to watch you squirm.
“Look at you,” he muttered, his tone dripping with condescension. “So desperate you don’t even know what to do with yourself.”
Your brows furrowed as you glared at him, frustration boiling over. “Joel—”
“I’ll do you one better,” he interrupted, sitting back slightly, his legs spreading slightly. His smirk deepened as he saw the confusion flicker across your face.
“Take my pants off,” he said simply, his voice commanding, like he didn’t expect you to argue.
Your breath caught, the tension in the room growing impossibly thicker as his words sank in. His gaze never left yours, heavy and unwavering, daring you to hesitate. But you didn’t. Your hands moved almost on their own, reaching for the button of his jeans, your fingers trembling as you fumbled with it.
Joel chuckled low and dark, his hands resting lazily on his thighs as he watched you. “That’s it,” he murmured, his tone dripping with amusement. “Good girl.”
The praise made your heart stutter, your cheeks flushing as your hands trembled, tugging his jeans down slowly, the fabric dragging over his muscular thighs. Joel shifted slightly to help you, lifting his hips just enough, the casual dominance in the movement sending a thrill racing through you. He made it look effortless, like he was still in control even when you were the one undressing him.
Your hand moved instinctively to touch him, but his voice stopped you cold. “Nuh uh,” he said, his tone low and firm, a quiet command. His eyes darkened as he leaned back slightly, watching you. “Shirt off too,” he instructed, his voice steady but thick with anticipation.
Your breath hitched, and you hesitated for just a moment before obeying. Your shirt joined the pile of his clothes on the floor, leaving you bare before him. Joel’s eyes dragged over you slowly, taking in every inch of your exposed skin.
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, his teeth catching his bottom lip as his hands shot out, rough and deliberate. He grabbed your breasts, his large palms squeezing, his thumbs rolling over your sensitive nipples. “Fuckin’ perfect,” he growled, his voice low and full of reverence, though his touch was anything but gentle.
Your back arched instinctively into his hands, a gasp escaping your lips as the roughness of his calloused fingers sent shocks of heat spiraling through you. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, the ache between your thighs growing unbearable, your entire body trembling under the weight of it all—the tension, the teasing, the slow build that had been driving you to the edge for what felt like hours.
“I need you,” you blurted, the words breaking free before you could stop them. Your voice cracked, raw with desperation. “I need you bad, Joel.”
“Yeah?” he muttered, his voice rougher now, low and dangerous, like he was savoring every second of your unraveling. “You that needy, huh?” He leaned in, his face inches from yours, his breath warm against your lips. His hand slid lower, gripping your waist firmly as he smirked again, this time sharper, hungrier. “Gonna cry for it, sweetheart?”
You swallowed hard, the tears threatening to spill as you nodded, your hands clutching at the fabric of the mattress beneath you. “Please,” you whispered, your voice shaking. “I’m—I’m begging you, Joel.”
Joel exhaled slowly, his hand coming up to cup your jaw, his thumb brushing softly over your cheek as if he were testing you, seeing how far you could unravel before breaking completely. His eyes roamed your face, his gaze heavy and unrelenting. “Look at you,” he murmured, his voice low, almost to himself. “So desperate you’re fallin’ apart.”
His thumb caught the edge of a tear sliding down your cheek, and his smirk returned—soft but laced with condescension, sharp enough to make your stomach twist. “You’re a mess, sweetheart,” he said, his voice dripping with amusement, though there was something deeper, darker beneath it.
A shaky breath escaped your lips, your chest heaving as you tried—and failed—to hold back a sob. “Joel, please,” you whispered again, your voice breaking, trembling with need. You hated how small you sounded, but the ache inside you drowned out the embarrassment.
Joel’s eyes darkened, his thumb trailing down to press against your trembling bottom lip. He tilted your chin up, forcing your gaze to stay locked with his. “Alright,” he said finally, his voice low and gravelly, the words drawn out slowly, like he wanted to savor the sound of them. “I’ll take care of you. That what my baby wants?”
You nodded frantically, tears spilling over as relief and anticipation coursed through you, lighting up every nerve in your body. His thumb lingered on your lip for a moment longer, pressing gently, teasingly, before he leaned in, his breath warm against your skin. “Good girl,” he murmured, his voice so soft it sent a fresh shiver down your spine. His lips brushed against your temple, and the warmth of his words melted into you.
“You wanna see me?” Joel asked, his voice dropping even lower, thick with teasing. “Or you wanna be on your knees?”
“Wanna see you,” you answered quickly, the words spilling from your lips before you could stop them. Your eyes widened as you looked up at him, pleading, raw with need. “Please.”
Joel’s smirk deepened, his eyes dragging over you with that slow, deliberate intensity that made your skin burn. “Okay, baby,” he murmured, his voice softer now but still carrying that rough, gravelly edge. “Lay back for me.”
You obeyed without hesitation, sinking into the mattress as your legs fell open, your chest rising and falling with anticipation. Your hands moved instinctively, reaching out to roam over his chest, your fingertips brushing against the heat of his skin. His muscles tensed under your touch as you brought one hand lower, trailing down his abdomen to the back of his thighs, desperate to pull him closer, to feel more of him.
Joel chuckled, the sound low and rich as his hand caught your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. “Be patient,” he drawled, his tone thick with amusement, his grip firm but not cruel. His free hand slid down your thigh, his thumb grazing the sensitive skin there in slow, teasing strokes that sent shivers racing through you. “I know you’re eager, darlin’, but I gotta take my time. Don’t wanna break ya.”
Your breath hitched, your body trembling beneath his touch as his words settled over you, calm and confident in a way that made your heart pound even harder. The ache between your thighs was unbearable now, your body so wound up you couldn’t think straight. “Joel,” you whispered, your voice shaky and desperate. “I’m ready. Please.”
He raised a brow, his smirk twisting into something wicked as he leaned in closer, his breath hot against your ear. “Oh, I know you are,” he murmured, his voice thick with satisfaction. “You’re so fuckin’ wet, sweetheart, I don’t even need any spit.” His words were filthy, teasing, and they sent a fresh wave of heat pooling low in your belly.
And then, with no warning, Joel sunk into you in one smooth, deliberate motion, a deep, guttural groan rumbling from his chest as he pressed flush against you. The stretch, the fullness, the sheer intensity of him overwhelmed your senses, and a loud, unrestrained yelp tore from your throat. Your hand flew up to cover your mouth, your cheeks burning hot with embarrassment.
“Nuh uh,” Joel said sharply, grabbing your wrist and pulling your hand away from your face. His dark eyes burned into yours, his voice low and rough, the command in his tone making your chest tighten. “Wanna hear those sweet noises, baby. Don’t you dare hide ’em from me.”
You whimpered, your mind spinning from the fullness, the stretch, the overwhelming intensity of him. “But… what about…” you stammered, your thoughts hazy and scattered, trying to cling to something, anything. What was her name? The thought flitted through your mind, faint and distant. It slipped from your lips before you could stop it, a whisper of a worry clinging to the back of your mind.
Joel stilled for half a second, his lips curling into a wicked grin, his amusement clear. “So cock drunk you forgot her fuckin’ name,” he murmured, his voice dripping with mockery, each word a sharp tease that only heightened the heat flooding your body.
And then, without warning, he pulled out completely, leaving you empty, the sudden loss of him making you gasp. Before you could even register the thought, he slammed back into you with a force that had you screaming, your back arching off the mattress as your nails raked down his shoulders, clinging to him like he was the only thing grounding you.
Joel laughed, low and dark, the sound vibrating through your chest as his breath fanned over your face. He leaned closer, his smirk sharp and cutting as his hips snapped against yours again, his movements deliberate and unrelenting. “Don’t you want her to hear ya?” he teased, his voice dripping with condescension and something darker, something possessive.
“Joel,” you gasped, the sound of his name raw and unrestrained as he drove into you, each thrust more intense than the last. His hands gripped your hips tightly, anchoring you to him as he chuckled at your reaction.
“Let her hear those pretty little screams, baby,” he growled, his lips brushing against your ear, sending a shiver racing down your spine. “Let her know I’m in your pussy, not hers.” His tone was cruelly teasing, but the heat in his words, in his eyes, made your entire body tremble, completely at his mercy.
Your breath hitched, a potent mix of embarrassment and raw, unrelenting desire coursing through you. Joel’s words were filthy, taunting, cutting straight through your defenses, but instead of pushing you away, they only made you cling to him harder. Your nails dug into his back as your body arched into him, every nerve ignited, desperate for more. His pace quickened, each thrust harder, more deliberate, his movements rough and dripping with possession.
“Bet you like that, huh?” he murmured, his voice low and gravelly, each word a teasing caress against your ear. His lips brushed the shell of it, his breath hot and ragged. “You want her to be jealous? Want her to hear and know exactly who you belong to?” His hand slid down to grip your thigh, rough fingers digging into your skin as he pulled you closer, driving himself deeper inside you. “Say it,” he growled, his voice dark and commanding. “Say you’re mine.”
You couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t form a single coherent thought beyond him—his body, his voice, the way he consumed you completely. The tension in your belly coiled tighter and tighter, ready to snap. “Yours,” you gasped, your voice cracking, trembling. “I’m yours, Joel.”
Joel’s smirk deepened, his eyes darkening with something primal. He leaned back just enough to look at you, his hand gripping your jaw firmly. “Open,” he ordered, his tone rough, leaving no room for hesitation.
You obeyed without question, your lips parting as your gaze locked on his, wide and eager. His smirk turned wicked, his hand tilting your chin as he spat into your mouth, slow and deliberate.
The act was filthy, raw, and utterly consuming, sending a fresh wave of heat crashing through your body. Humiliation and desire burned together, each feeding into the other until there was nothing left but the aching, desperate need for more.
“Fuck!” you screamed, your voice breaking, echoing through the room as your head fell back, your body trembling beneath him. Your eyes rolled with pleasure, the tension snapping in waves that left you gasping, completely at his mercy. Joel wasn’t satisfied with just having you; he wanted to take all of you. His hands gripped the backs of your thighs, strong and commanding as he pushed your legs up to your chest, spreading you even wider.
“Thereee ya go,” Joel teased, his voice rough and dripping with mocking satisfaction. His lips twisted into a smug smirk, his dark eyes locked onto yours as his hips rolled, his pace faltering just enough to make you squirm. As he pulled back, slick and glistening with your arousal, he chuckled low in his throat, the sound vibrating through you like a current. “So damn wet, I can’t even stay in,” he muttered, shaking his head as if in disbelief.
Without warning, he guided himself back inside, filling you again in one smooth, deliberate motion that left you gasping. The stretch, the fullness, was overwhelming, and a desperate moan ripped from your throat as he set a brutal rhythm, his hips snapping against yours with relentless force.
The sound of skin slapping filled the room, loud and obscene, mingling with your cries and Joel’s deep, gravelly grunts. His breath was hot and heavy against your ear, his chest pressing against yours as he drove into you, each thrust dragging you closer to the edge again.
“You feel me, baby?” he growled, his voice low and rough, vibrating against your neck. His scruff scratched against your sensitive skin, sending shivers down your spine, your body arching beneath him as you clawed at his back. Your nails raked across his skin, leaving angry red trails in their wake, but Joel didn’t flinch. If anything, it only seemed to spur him on.
“All in here,” he murmured, his voice softer but no less commanding as his hand slid down your stomach. His palm pressed firmly against you, his dark eyes flicking between your flushed face and the place where your bodies met. “Feel that?” he muttered, his tone thick with pride and hunger. “That’s me, baby. All of me, deep inside you.”
You whimpered, your hips lifting desperately to meet his thrusts, each movement of his body sending shockwaves of pleasure through you. Joel braced himself on one elbow, his chest brushing against yours as his free hand moved between your thighs. His fingers found your clit with ease, and he began rubbing harshly, no hesitation, no regard for how sensitive you were. The intensity made you scream, your vision going white as your body jerked beneath him.
“Joel,” you gasped, his name falling from your lips in a trembling plea, the sensation overwhelming you, consuming you whole.
Your thoughts scattered like ash in the wind as he worked you closer and closer to the edge, his relentless touch unraveling you piece by piece. His rough hands anchored you, grounding you to the bed even as his gruff voice pulled you further under his control. You were pliant, trembling, utterly at his mercy, and all you could do was hold on as he drove you past every limit you thought you had.
“I—I’m gonna cum,” you screamed, your voice cracking, trembling with the weight of it. Your body tightened around him, the pleasure building higher and higher, unbearably close to breaking.
Joel’s lips curled into a wicked smirk, his thrusts becoming even more relentless, faster, deeper, like he was chasing his own edge just as much as he was pushing you toward yours. “Good,” he growled, his voice low and rough, vibrating against your ear like a promise. “Go on, baby. Cum for me. And make sure she hears you.”
“There you go, baby,” he growled, his voice thick with lust and satisfaction. “Cum on my cock. Fuck, milk my cock, baby. That’s it. That’s my good girl.”
The filthy words broke you completely. “Joel,” you cried, your voice cracking as the tension snapped, the pleasure ripping through you like a tidal wave. Your body arched off the bed, your nails biting into his skin as your cries filled the room, raw and unrestrained. Every nerve in your body was alight, the sensation so intense it bordered on too much, yet you couldn’t get enough.
Joel moved quickly, rolling onto his back with a fluid motion, his chest heaving as he looked up at you. His hand reached for yours, pulling it toward him with a firm, commanding grip. “Stroke me,” he growled, his voice low and gravelly, rough from the strain of holding back. His dark, hungry eyes locked on yours, filled with an intensity that made your breath catch. “I’m close.”
Your body was still trembling from your release, weak and unsteady, but you obeyed him without hesitation. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you reached for him, your fingers wrapping around his length. He hissed through his teeth, his hips jerking upward at the first touch, the reaction sending a thrill through you.
You started slow, dragging your hand up and down, your thumb brushing over the head with just enough pressure to make his breath hitch. Joel’s grunts and muttered curses filled the room, spurring you on as you quickened your pace. His head tipped back slightly, his neck exposed, his lips parted as he let out a low, drawn-out moan that made your thighs clench.
Leaning forward, you pressed your lips to his, surprising yourself—and him. For a moment, he froze, his eyes flicking open. But then he gave in, his mouth moving against yours in a kiss that was hot and sensual, his lips rough but responsive. The taste of him, the way he let you take control, sent a fresh wave of heat through you.
Your strokes quickened, your hand moving with more purpose now, your fingers tightening around him. Joel’s hips jerked in time with your movements, his groans growing louder, deeper, until his head fell back against the pillow. His jaw clenched, a guttural sound tearing from his throat as his body tensed.
“Fuck,” he moaned, his voice rough and raw, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him as he let go. His eyes fluttered shut, his breath uneven as he sat up suddenly, shifting onto his knees. With one final moan—your name tumbling from his lips like a prayer—he came, his release painting your stomach in warm, messy streaks.
Joel stayed there for a moment, his broad shoulders rising and falling with each heavy breath. His eyes remained closed, his lips slightly parted, and for once, he looked completely undone—vulnerable in a way you rarely saw. It was mesmerizing, the way his defenses slipped, the way he seemed to let himself just feel.
You smiled at him, tender despite the heat still coursing through you. Joel’s eyes opened slowly, his gaze locking on yours, and for a moment, you thought he might soften. But instead, he leaned forward, his hand sliding to the back of your neck as he kissed you roughly. His lips moved against yours with a hunger that hadn’t waned, a growl rumbling deep in his chest as he pulled you closer. It wasn’t sweet or soft—it was commanding, possessive, like he was staking his claim all over again.
You started to lean back, your chest heaving, ready to catch your breath. But Joel wasn’t done with you.
“Nuh uh,” he said suddenly, his voice steady and firm, a sharp contrast to the rawness from moments before. His hand caught your wrist, his grip firm as he pulled you upright, drawing you back into his control. “Be a good girl for me,” he said, his voice low and rough, laced with authority. “Go out there and get us some water.”
You blinked at him, dazed and still catching up, confusion flooding your mind as you started to reach for your discarded clothes. “Okay,” you murmured, your hand brushing against your shirt. But before you could grab it, Joel’s hand shot out again, his fingers wrapping around your wrist, stopping you cold.
“No,” he said sharply, his voice low and commanding. His dark eyes gleamed with something wicked, a dangerous amusement that sent a shiver down your spine. His lips curled into a smug, teasing smirk as he tilted his head toward the door. “You’re goin’ out there butt naked, baby, with my cum all over your tummy.”
Your eyes widened, heat flooding your cheeks as your stomach flipped with a potent mix of embarrassment and disbelief. “What?” you practically squeaked, your voice pitching higher. “Joel, are you serious?”
Joel leaned back against the headboard, his smirk widening, dripping with smug satisfaction as he spread his arms lazily, utterly at ease. He looked at you like you were a challenge he’d already conquered, his eyes dark and unrelenting. “You wanted her to know you’re mine, didn’t you?” he drawled, his voice slow, mocking, every word cutting into your resolve. “Well, go on, then. Let her see where I just came.”
The heat in your cheeks burned impossibly hotter, your body stiffening as his words sank in, settling heavy in your chest. Humiliation twisted inside you, curling around the raw, unrelenting need he’d left you drowning in. You wanted to argue, to snap back at him, to yell something defiant—but the way he looked at you, so commanding, so utterly unapologetic, made your stomach twist in ways you couldn’t ignore. His confidence was maddening, overwhelming, yet it drew you in like a magnet.
Your breath hitched as you stood there, frozen, your mind spinning with indecision. And yet, deep down, you already knew. You’d do it. Because he asked. Because it was Joel. Because the way his voice dropped, low and full of authority, sent shivers down your spine. And because, in the end, you wanted her to know just as much as he did.
You hesitated at the door, your heart pounding so loud it drowned out everything else. Each beat felt like it might shake your body apart, your legs trembling as you fought to muster the courage to take the next step. Behind you, Joel leaned back further, watching you with that maddening, infuriating smirk, his gaze heavy, unrelenting, and impossibly smug. He was waiting, savoring the moment, dragging it out just to see you squirm.
“Go on, baby,” he murmured, his voice a low, honeyed drawl that sent a fresh wave of heat through your body. “Let her see.”
His words were slow, deliberate, and they left no room for disobedience. Your breath caught, and despite the knot of humiliation twisting in your chest, you reached for the doorknob. The cool metal was grounding, but it did nothing to stop the heat crawling up your neck as you pushed the door open and stepped out.
Swallowing hard, you pushed the door open and stepped out, your skin flushing hot as the cool air of the main room hit your bare body. You prayed—begged—that Tess would be asleep, her usual scowl absent, but of course, the universe wasn’t that kind. She was right there, sitting on the couch, her arms crossed and her jaw set like she’d been expecting this exact moment. Her fiery eyes locked on you the second you stepped into view.
You could feel the weight of her glare, sharp enough to cut, as you walked toward the kitchen. Each step felt agonizingly slow, your bare feet padding against the floor as your tits bounced slightly with every movement. Joel’s release still slicked across your stomach, glinting faintly in the dim light, and you wanted the ground to swallow you whole.
Tess’s lips pressed into a thin, hard line, her nostrils flaring as she stared at you, her gaze flicking from your flushed face to your exposed chest to the mess on your skin. The tension in the room was suffocating, thick enough to choke on, but you kept moving, refusing to meet her eyes. Your legs felt weak, your breath shallow, and every inch of your body burned under her scrutiny.
As you reached the kitchen, fumbling for a glass of water with trembling hands, you could feel Joel’s presence even from behind the closed door. He was enjoying this—every second of it.
You could practically hear Joel’s low chuckle echoing in your head, dripping with smug satisfaction. The weight of his gaze lingered on your bare back even from behind the closed door, the unspoken command still tethering you to him. He knew exactly what he was doing—forcing you to obey, knowing it would leave Tess seething with jealousy. It was all a game to him, and the thought only made the knot in your stomach tighten.
“You’re a whore,” Tess spat, her voice cutting through the tense silence like a blade.
You froze for half a second, your fingers tightening around the glass as your throat bobbed with a hard swallow.
But you didn’t look at her. You didn’t give her the satisfaction. Instead, you poured the water calmly, the sound of it filling the suffocating silence, and then turned on your heel, walking back toward the bedroom with your head held high.
Her eyes burned into your back as you left, the weight of her words pressing against you like a boulder. But all you could hear in your mind was Joel’s voice, smooth and commanding, telling you what to do, and you clung to it like a lifeline.
When you stepped back into the room, shutting the door firmly behind you, Joel was right where you left him—lounging on the mattress, his cock still out, his head tipped back like he had all the time in the world. The sight of him sent a fresh wave of heat coursing through you, his relaxed confidence utterly maddening and undeniably magnetic. His dark eyes flicked to the glass in your hand, and a slow, pleased smirk tugged at the corners of his lips.
“Good girl,” he drawled, his voice rough and full of pride. The praise made your stomach twist in ways you couldn’t deny, even as your cheeks burned. He sat up slightly, one arm bracing him against the mattress as he watched you cross the room, his gaze trailing over every inch of your exposed skin. He took his time, his eyes heavy and unrelenting, like he was savoring the view.
“She say anything?” Joel asked, his tone casual, but his eyes gave him away—dark, sharp, with a glint of knowing amusement that made your stomach flip. He leaned back slightly, his broad shoulders relaxing against the headboard as if he had all the time in the world.
You hesitated, your throat tightening as the memory of Tess’s venomous words replayed in your head. Joel noticed, of course—he always did. His brow lifted, his smirk twisting into something sharper, darker. He reached for the glass in your hands, taking it from you with deliberate ease before guiding you down onto the mattress. The movement was firm yet unhurried, his grip on you steady.
“She call you somethin’?” he pressed, his voice dripping with mock curiosity, like he already knew the answer. He set the glass aside and grabbed an old rag, his rough hands surprisingly gentle as he wiped the remnants of his release from your stomach. The action, almost tender, sent shivers through you, your skin hypersensitive under his touch. His fingers tapped lazily against his thigh, waiting. “Lemme guess. A whore?”
Your cheeks burned, and you glanced down, unable to meet his gaze, your voice barely a whisper. “Yeah,” you muttered.
Joel’s chuckle was low and rough, vibrating through the room and settling in your chest. It wasn’t a comforting sound; it was smug, knowing, dripping with the satisfaction of being right. “Course she did,” he muttered, shaking his head slightly. His smirk deepened as his hands found your thighs, pulling you closer, his thumbs brushing over your skin. “Think she’s a bit jealous.”
You swallowed hard, your breath catching as his grip tightened, grounding you. His smirk turned wicked, his eyes glinting with something darker, something possessive. “But she’s right about one thing,” he murmured, his voice dropping lower, rougher, each word sending a fresh wave of heat pooling in your belly. “You’re my whore. Aren’t you?”
The weight of his gaze burned through you, setting every nerve in your body alight. Your chest tightened, the tension unraveling as you nodded, your body trembling under the force of his presence. You couldn’t speak, couldn’t think—there was only him. His smirk widened at your silent admission, his hands sliding further up your thighs, gripping you firmly.
“Good girl,” he hummed, his voice softer now, but no less commanding. He leaned closer, his breath hot against your lips as his fingers dug into your skin. “You ready for me again?”
The question made your breath hitch, your body already aching with anticipation. You nodded frantically, your lips parting as your heart pounded against your ribs. “Yes,” you whispered, your voice breaking, raw with need.
Joel’s smirk deepened, his lips brushing against your jaw as he murmured, “That’s my girl. Let’s see just how much you can take.” And with that, he pushed you back onto the mattress, his hands pinning you down as he took control all over again, his dominance overwhelming and addictive.
#joel miller#joel miller smut#pedro pascal#joel miller x reader#ellie tlou#joel miller fanfic#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller one shot#pedro pascal fanfic#pedro pascal one shot#joel x reader#joel the last of us#joel and ellie#joel tlou#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal fanfiction#joel miller au#joel miller tlou#the last of us hbo#tlou joel#tlou hbo#tommy miller#tlou fic#tlou fanfiction#tlou#tlou2#the last of us#ellie williams#tlou 2
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Girl Dinner
@pedrospookie made the cutest fucking mood board for this fic, she also gave me so much inspiration for this! Let's all thank her for her perfect brain.
Part 1 of 4- Knocked Loose
Rating: explicit -
kidnapped!Joel x isolated&unhinged&potentially crazy!reader (no use of y/n, no physical descriptions besides having hair long enough to hold and fall into your face, the reader is actually crazy, talks to herself- hears little voices in her head. You gotta know this going into it)
thanks to @bonezone44 for this idea.
w/c : 9k (whoops)
Summary: After the civilized world you once knew came to an end-- the men that survived... well they just take, take, take. Growing tired of having things taken from you-- you have a hankerin' to take somethin' for yourself... and make him perfect.
warnings/tags: non-con/dub-con/ altered mental state(?) throughout the entire thing. stockholm syndrome, violence (reader and Joel both get hurt) Joel is an unwilling participant... or is he? cockwarming, unprotected P in V, dirty talk- more to come.
authors note: Hey! I know a lot people get icked out by the idea of non-con or dub con, and that's fine, but I like it, so I'm gonna write this. I don't think any of this should be acted out ITRL. DON'T KIDNAP PEOPLE!! This is your last and final warning just so everyone is aware of what's going on. this is unbeta'd, poorly proofread and probably incoherent. I love you all so, so, so much.
The weather is finally starting to change, it's not as hot as a pigs asshole anymore, and you wake up feeling refreshed, rather than sticky and sour from sleeping in a pool of your own sweat all night long.
The first thought that comes to your head though isn't the changing weather, or how you'll eventually need to break out your warmer clothes soon, nope— you don't give a shit about any of that.
It's just Mister-man that you're thinking about.
He might be the most pretty thing you've ever seen. With his shoulder length, brown and gray curls, and his patchy facial hair that matches so nicely. The thought of how rough and scratchy it would feel against your tongue makes your spine tingle.
Mister-man is a big boy. Hefty, broad, and looked so strong whenever he came into the mall.
You've been watching him for a while. He comes around every three or four days snooping in all the stores for supplies.
It's like he doesn't even know you're here…or if he does, he doesn't care. Rude! You're a pretty girl!
He's just coming to take our stuff, just like the rest of the monster-men out there. If he finds us, he might wanna take-
"Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!" You put your hands over your ears, even though those voices just get louder when you do that.
Mister-man wouldn't hurt'chya…
Yes, he would. He's a man.
"It's too early for this," You grumble, sitting up in your bed.
The mattress store is nice and clean, just how you left it last night before you crawled into bed. You think about how it would be alarming if it wasn't exactly how you left it before you went to bed. You did your nightly walk-through to make sure everything was where it was supposed to be, and that there weren't any extras hanging about.
As you get dressed, you think about what the dark voice was about to say. You know exactly what Mister-man would try and take from you if he found you. What all the other men in this fucking place want from you.
It's hard to make any of that matter as you skip to your hiding spot in the rafters above the food court. That's where he always enters from, even though the easier entrance with less glass and boards to climb through is on the other side of the mall.
It's a good thing you set up a trap there too, if he comes in through that entrance, at least you'll hear the snare go off and hopefully get to him in time to get his gun and knife.
Mister-man is a creature of habit, he doesn't like to switch things up, Sug. He'll come through this door.
He might. He might not. Mister-man might be playing your game better than you, kid.
"Well then, it's a good thing I thought of everything," you murmur, climbing up the discarded scaffolding to get into the rafters.
It's not scary up here, you like the thrill of knowing if you made one mistake—
Goner!
Splat!
"I've never fallen though!" You giggle, settling in to the perch just above the now blown out glass doors. It's a comfortable little spot, and you've arranged some blankets and pillows from the mattress store up here so you can nap if you want. There are some snacks, and bottles of water in case you have to stay up here for more than just a couple hours, keeping an eye out for Mister-man.
People must have stayed here in the mall during the outbreak, or right after because the doors are boarded up the best they can be, and the tables and chairs from the food court are set up all around like a barricade.
It was perfect, less work for you to have to do, and no one else bothers to come in here anymore— it's either too far, too hard to get too, or not worth the pay out.
Not for our lovely, handsome, soon to be perfect, Mister-man; the reason he comes every week is so sweet.
You wondered why he kept coming back when there really isn't much to scavenge anymore: every single store had been picked through before you got here, and you went and took the last of whatever anyone else didn't want or need and squirreled it away in a nice hiding spot.
Mister-man came every three or four days-- so that he could sit his ass in a comfortable recliner for a couple hours.
Remember that time he took a nap?
"Of course I do! How could I forget?!"
It's the cutest thing, and you love to watch him relax. Rest. Let his guard down for a little while.
"Slept like a lil baby that day," you mumble, feeling the heat spread up your neck and behind your cheeks. It's impossible to not smile at the memory of Mister sleeping in his chair, arms behind his head, snoring loudly.
His hair was real soft...'n he smelled so..
Why does he let us get so close? It's gotta be a trap.
Oh shut up, maybe he wants us to get close!
"I don't think he can hear me too good," you breathe out to the empty mall. The sun is starting to shine directly in your eyes— which means Mister-man will be here soon. "Always lookin' over his left shoulder. He never looks over his right, me thinks he can't hear outta that ear."
Mister has been coming for a couple months. He first started when the snow started to melt. And he kept coming through the spring when everything was wet and soggy, and he'd traipse mud through the mall like this wasn't your house!
That's how you knew he had been there though, so you waited to see if he'd come back-- and he did.
Mister-Man kept coming, even when the summer got so hot it was almost unbearable. Venturing outside was almost dangerous, but Mister always came.
Just to sit in his chair.
The air is filled with the sounds of birds singing, and insects buzzing in the lazy, summer heat. The mornings aren't too bad anymore, but the afternoon is still sweltering.
The late afternoon's are even worse when the heat finally settles, and everything gets sticky, and feeling all wet even though it's not wet outside! It's hot, but the air feels thick and damp somehow.
Awh, looks like he ain't coming today, Sug.
Good-fucking-riddance.
"He'll show up. If not today… tomorrow…or the next day. Or next week! He always comes, sillies. Gettin' me all nervous for nothin—"
Shhhhhh!!!! He's coming.
Mister-man is coming. You can hear him before he even crawls through the hole in one of the boards. He has to slide the table he sets up every time he comes and goes.
Once he's upright, brushing himself clean of any debris that he might have picked up on his crawl into the mall, he starts to walk.
It's not hard to stay quiet, you know exactly where the spots that creak are, and where things might break and fall apart if you were to put too much weight on them.
It's easier to follow him around as he slinks through the abandoned shopping center than you thought, as long as you stay on his right side. You've been watching and learning, and had a long time to figure him out.
Mister is so cute, walking real slow with his back to the wall, his head on a constant swivel. You wanna call out to him and tell him it's just the three of you in the mall.
He continues to sneak very quietly.
Can't hide from us.
"He sure can't," you giggle, almost silently.
Mister-man pauses, and looks over his left shoulder, as if something caught his attention. He looks all around, head twisting in either and all directions. At one point, he looks right up at where you're standing.
It's like he's looking right at you, like he can see you flitting through the rafters right above him.
Mister-man just shakes his head, as if he was hearing things, and continues onward towards the furniture store.
Fuck, he really can't hear for shit.
"He sure can't."
Mister doesn't make it inside the furniture store today, unfortunately for him.
When Joel wakes up, his head is fucking pounding and— he's upside down. Shit.
Not again.
"What the fuck?" Joel croaks, his hands feel like they weigh a thousand pounds as he tries to lift them from where they're dangling over his head. His shoulders hurt, and his back aches. His ankles feel like they're on fire.
There isn't much he can do but hang here, waiting for his vision to un-blur and for the throbbing in his head to go away.
Probably get gutted like a pig.
Finally, after blinking a million times, Joel can see things clearly.
You- a young woman- with a gun in your hand, another strapped to the outside of your thigh, and a fucking machete strapped across your back.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" Joel shouts, his hands now easily flying to the holster—It's empty. The pack he had been carrying on his back is gone too.
Joel watches as you look at him like he should already know what you're doing: a half smile plastered onto your pretty lips, the crinkle at the corners of your eyes, your head tilted to the side ever so slightly, couching in front of his pack.
"Lookin' through your stuff," you croon to him.
Joel's blood boils. What the fuck are you doing? Who the fuck are you? How did you manage to get him all strung up, hanging from the ceiling?
He says nothing as you stay picking through his backpack, taking out every single thing he has in there. His map, compass, the backup flashlight, the gas-mask— which you're putting on?
Why? There weren't any spores in here— were there?
"This thing is fuckin' cool!" Your voice is muffled, and you stand up straight. Then you hold your hands out at your sides, and spin in a circle.
"Hey!" Joel barks at you, flinching away from the revolving barrel of your pistol with each rotation you make. "Stop swinging that thing around, would ya'!?" Joel shouts as you continue to spin.
You stop suddenly, and stare at him through the big, dark lenses of his gas mask. "You know all about swinging around, don'tchya?" You giggle at him.
Joel literally swings back and forth as you say this, very slowly spinning around as he sways, and the throbbing in his head only makes him more angry.
"Cut me the fuck down, keep what'chya want— I don't got time for all this," Joel grumbles, lifting his head so he can look at the rope tied around his ankles. It's a good knot, and without a knife, Joel isn't going to get down on his own, not without his knife.
He reaches behind him to feel for it on his belt—
"Lookin' for this?" Your still muffled voice questions Joel as his fingers brush across the empty space on his waist where his knife would be.
He tips his head almost all the way back, and then to the side so he can see you— and is greeted by the sight of you, still in the gas mask, and now, holding his knife by the blade with your thumb and index finger. All he can do is sigh, close his eyes and wonder how a trip to sit in his favorite recliner led to this.
"Now, I ain't really wanna hurt'chya— I was hopin' you was gunna say knocked out long enough for me to cut'cya down and—"
Joel doesn't wanna hear anymore. "Just cut me the fuck down— people are gon' come lookin' for me if you—"
You apparently don't wanna hear what Joel has to say anymore either, because you start to talk over him. "—we're just gunna go—"
Joel doesn't care, doesn't want to listen to your muffled voice— he wishes you would take his stupid, fucking gas mask off and talk to him like a normal person. He's gotta be able to barter with you somehow. "—don't let me go. If it's food 'n water ya' want, I can get ya' some—"
The two of you are just talking louder, and louder, until the both of you are shouting over the other, neither one of you actually hearing what the other is saying.
"—let me go!"
"—stay forever!"
The two of you stop and stare at each other in silence for a moment. Joel can't really comprehend what you just said, "Stay forever?"
"Yep!" You exclaim happily.
Did he say that aloud?
"You 'n me, together forever, Mister-man," you sigh dreamily at him.
It's not what you say, it's how you say it— like you really believe what you've just said. Like…it was something you had been thinking about, for a while.
"Huh?" Is all he can say, still slowly swaying and spinning. He has to turn his head almost completely around before he whips it to the other side, he wants to keep his eyes on you at all times. You seem un-fucking-predictable.
"Ain't'chya so excited!?" You squeal, and it makes Joel's head ache.
"Gon' fuckin' strangle you once I get down from here," Joel half grumbles, half chuckles under his breath. He crosses his arms over his chest, watching you rummage around for something in his bag.
"That's why I gotta do this," your muffled voice sounds sad as you pull something out and whip it behind your back, hiding it, and that makes Joel nervous.
"Do what?" Joel tries to see what you pulled out of his backpack.
"Gotta close your eyes," you shrug your shoulders, and rock back and forth on the balls of your feet.
Joel blinks at you, just staring at him through the gas mask. He's not completely unsettled by the sight of you in a gas mask, he's seen women wearing them plenty— it's the fact that you have him completely at your mercy and he can barely see your fucking eyes.
He's so fucking stupid for coming out here alone all the time, Tommy and Ellie both warned him- both told him that something would happen to him out here. He'd hurt his back— or worse. And no one would know where to find him- because this was his secret hideaway. A place to escape the responsibilities of being a dad, a grandpa, and a big brother.
Joel loves Ellie, JJ and Tommy more than he ever thought possible— and loves that he got to be around them everyday— it was just starting to be a lot.
If Joel had the means to move that recliner into his house in Jackson, he would have— but it's too big, too heavy and way too fucking far.
Now look at him, upside down!
"Ya' ain't gunna wanna see it comin'." You give Joel a small warning. "Please just close them," you whine, starting to nervously dance on your tip toes.
"No." Joel growls, arms still crossed over his chest.
"'Kay!" You exclaim, running over to Joel. "Warned ya'!" You pull the brick Joel had put in his pack for emergencies.
"Wait! Wait—"
Cripes-all-mighty, Mister-Man is heavy as hell!
It takes everything you have inside of you to drag him to the mattress store. By the time you get there, your shirt is soaked through with sweat, your hair clings to your forehead and the side of your face. Every muscle aches and feels as if it's being torn from the bone it's clinging to.
Huffing and puffing, you drag him through the sea of mattresses until you get to the staircase that leads into the basement office.
"Sorry, Mister-Man," you grunt and push him down the stairs—
He's fine! You lined the stairs, and the bottom where he landed with mattresses a couple days ago-- after you brought his favorite recliner down here. All by yourself. Did it just for Mister-Man, because you want him to be comfortable! You want him to feel nice, and relaxed, and safe here with you.
Once you have him nice and secure to his chair— you wait.
He hit his head pretty hard when you snared him— you didn't think of that part. Then he had to go and wake up! Like a dumb idiot! He could have just stayed asleep, then you wouldn't have had to hit him again!
Thank goodness for that brick he keeps in his backpack, which, what the fuck is that about? It's a good weapon, but it's heavy, and made his backpack harder to carry than you would like to admit.
You were also lugging that giant of a man around, ya' did good, Sugar.
Yeah, ya' did good, kid.
You wrap your arms around yourself and sigh, "Thanks."
You wanna tell the voices in your head that you love them, but you don't really always love them. Sometimes you hate them, and wish they would shut up, and sometimes they don't talk when you need them to— finicky fuckers! And they almost never see eye to eye, and it's exhausting. So you just say thanks.
Mister-man is so pretty up close. Even more pretty than you could have ever thought or dreamed of. He doesn't look like he's shaved or cleaned up his beard in the last couple days, and his hair was combed back away from his face when he got here today— but now it's a mess, matted to his forehead in drying blood, falling into his eyes.
"Shit," you whisper, taking in the sight of him all beat up—
Sug, you gotta clean him up— make him pretty again.
The sweet voice is right!
Mister-man looks so sad all bloody and a mess.
"I'll be right back," you murmur and press a gentle kiss to his forehead through his blood stained hair, and then double check all of the ropes around his wrists and ankles.
He's secure, time to go get him lookin' nice again.
When you come back, your bag is filled to the brim with supplies from the the multiple stores that still have things inside them. You got him a comb, and a spray bottle that you already filled with clean water. You were able to find some clean clothes that look like they'll fit him.
He's also awake.
"Hi, Mist—"
"Let me go."
"—er-man!" You finish through the interruption. "I'm gunna clean you up now, and then we can have dinner. 'Kay?"
Mister-man stares at you.
"Oh!" You rip the gas mask off and place it on his lap. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to steal it. I promise." You cross your heart with one index finger.
"Let. Me. Go."
You wince with each barked word. "I. Don't. Wanna."
"If I ever get outta here, m'gon' fuckin' kill ya'," he growls.
You frown, pinch your eyebrows together and mock his thick, country twang. "M'gon' fuckin' clean ya' up real good, 'n then me 'n ya' can have fuckin' dinner." You growl back at him.
"Shut th'fuck up, untie me—"
"Why!? So you can kill me?" You shake your head at him, giving him a small smirk. "Not gunna happen, Mister."
His eyes go wider than you've ever seen them, as if he might be nervous. "What th'fuck you gon' do to me then, huh?"
"Clean. You. Up. Then. Have. Dinner. Did I say it too fast the first time, or can you really not hear too good?" You cock your head to one side, and look at him quizzically.
"Th'fuck did ya' just ask me?" Joel feels his chest going tight-- this hasn't happened in fucking years. It can't be happening right now.
"I talk real fast sometimes, and I don't realize it, and so sometimes all my words come out real jumbled to--"
"'Bout my hearin'?" Joel's working overtime to suck the air in, to bring precious oxygen to his brain. His head is still pounding, and now he can't fucking breathe, and he can't even imagine what kind of sick, twisted shit you're going to do to him.
Joel watches your eyes drop to the ground by his feet, and it's almost like you pull your body in on itself somehow, retreating into a place where you're trying to hide from him in plain sight. "I been watchin' you when you come in here... just act like you can't hear all that good outta your right ear," you say in a voice so small Joel can barely hear it.
"Watchin' me?" Joel scoffs.
Who the fuck are you? How long have you been watching him? How come he's never seen you before? Never even seen a trace of another person around here, just the stray raccoon or possum.
Joel's blood boils when you nod your head at him, still unable to look him in the eye. "Ya' should be ashamed. Whatever it is ya' wanna do to me is probably fucked--"
"I'm not ashamed," your voice snaps, and finally you lift your head to meet Joel's gaze. "Not even a little."
"Actin' like it," Joel's voice is snappier, and louder, and it makes you flinch.
"Maybe a little embarrassed--"
"Ashamed, fuckin' embarrassed, same fuckin' thing." Joel rolls his eyes at you.
"Not really," you shake your head from side to side and raise both of your eyebrows at him. "Not at all, actually."
"Would you shut th'fuck up?!"
"Would you shut th'fuck up..." You mock Joel. "I'm tryin' to do somethin' nice for you, and you keep telling me to shut the fuck up!"
"Do somethin' nice f'me?!" If this wasn't almost thirty years after the fucking apocalypse happened, Joel would think he was on some hidden camera show.
"Yeah!" You hold out the supplies you had brought back from wherever the fuck you had run off too while Joel was unconscious.
"Doin' somethin' nice would be lettin' me go, sweetheart." Joel switches his tone- does something he wouldn't normally do in a situation like this.
Your eyes light up. They crinkle in the corners a little, like they did the first time he saw you, but you're not upside down this time. The corners of your lips are trying to curl up, but you're actively trying to stop them.
"Don't call me that, 'less you mean it."
With the comb, water bottle and first-aid kit in hand, you take your place behind him and inspect the wound.
It's a surface wound, but dirty from the brick and still very bloody.
It's a painstaking process, because you don't want to be the cause of his pain anymore. Not ever again if you can help it.
Really, that's up to Mister, but he'll find out on his own soon enough! He just has to play nice, be sweet and kind— be the Mister you want him to be, and he'll be perfectly happy here with you. Life here with you in the mall could be perfect! He just needs to be perfect. He's almost there, he just has to keep his mouth shut.
He's not quiet, not at all. He hoots and hollers at you to stop, to let him go, that he's gonna gut you like a fish if he ever gets free from here.
The way he talks, his voice feels like the deepest note on a piano, or the thickest string being plucked on a guitar. It vibrates in the spaces between your ribs, and forces all the air out of your lungs when he talks.
He's taking your breath away... how romantic.
The sweet and airy voice in your head is right, he is taking your breath away. You wish he would stop saying those mean and terrible things to you-- they're making you hurt inside, where your stomach is.
Guilt. You should just kill him right now--
"Hurt him?"
Mister stops shouting, and raises one eyebrow at you.
Look'it those big brown eyes. Like a baby cow. All wet 'n big, kinda scared lookin'.
Ugh, shoot him right between those beautiful brown eyes, kid. You can do it.
He ain't hurt you yet, Sug...
Because she tied him up--
As she should, she's gotta feel him out a little, make sure he's really not gonna hurt her.
How is he ever going to hurt her if he's tied up?
"Okay, enough!" You almost shout-- there they go! Never seeing eye to eye, making things harder than they needed to be!
"I'll yell all I fuckin' want," Joel does holler, loudly. So loud. He's going to draw attention.
"Do I need to get the brick again?"
Joel stops shouting.
He really can't hold back the pained sounds coming from his throat as you attend to his wound.
You're being so, so gentle!
He's acting like a giant baby.
"M'hurtin' you?" You mumble as you drag the damp cloth along his forehead carefully, cleaning the moderately large gash you left there with the brick. It's swollen, and bruised now... you feel so terrible.
He'll forgive you, Sugar.
Mister-man doesn't say anything, he just flinches away from your touch for the millionth time.
"M'sorry, didn't mean t'hurt you this bad." You slowly start to work the comb through his hair, spraying it down with water when you needed to. You're careful to never pull on his hair too hard, and work the tangles out meticulously so you don't bring him any more discomfort.
"Got'chu some medicine." You reach into your pocket and pull out two white pills.
"I ain't takin' nothin' y'give me, fuckin' crazy bitch." He grumbles.
Mister watches you walk around to the front of him, and kneel between his legs.
"S'just regular," you hold your hand up to his face so he can inspect the pill on his own. "Nothin' strong like they had in the QZ's," it's a gentle explanation as he studies the medicine in your palm. "Can find some for ya' if you wanted me to, m'real good at findin' stuff."
"Find it in your heart t'let me outta here," Joel gives you the sweetest, crookedest smile that makes you stomach feel like it grows ten sizes, and your heart feels like it's racing something else inside of you.
There are sweet wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, and the lines on his forehead deepen, and he has the softest dimple on his left cheek.
Sug, he's so pretty.
Kill. Him. Before. He. Kills. You.
"So pretty," you catch your bottom lip between your teeth, and rest one of your elbows on his knee, propping your head up on the heel of your hand. The pills are still right in front of Joel's face, and his eyes flash between them, and your face.
"Not takin' them" he grumbles, twisting his head away from your hand.
"Suit yourself," you put the pills back into your pocket, dipping your head down to press a soft kiss to his knee. "M'gunna go get us dinner, I'll be back."
Joel stares at the tray of food you set down on the table you dragged over to be directly in front of him.
"Where's the protein?" Joel looks up at you from the plate of crackers with peanut butter, a small bowl of raspberries, two packets of expired pretzels you would get on an airplane, and a full bottle of labelless whiskey.
"S'in the peanut butter," you say through a mouthful of your own cracker.
Begrudgingly, Joel opens his mouth when you hold a cracker up to his lips. "Where's the meat?"
The crackers are dry, and kind of stale somehow? The peanut butter is still nice and creamy, just the way Joel remembered it before the outbreak.
"Where would I find meat?"
Joel pinches his brows together and blinks at you. "Ya' live in the woods, got a gun or two-- fuckin' know how to set a snare--"
You gasp softly, and rest one elbow on the table and point at him with a lazy index finger, "You 'spect me to go out there and kill an innocent lil friend? They ain't ever done nothin' t'me. Why would I go out 'n hurt 'em when I ain't got no reason to?"
Joel continues to blink, trying so hard to keep his eyes on you and not the ropes you have him tied down with so tightly they're starting to dig into the skin on his forearms-- painfully.
"Ya' kiddin', right?" He watches as you place a raspberry directly into the peanut butter on the cracker and hold it out for him.
"Issa good combo, try it." You nod your head at him, urging him to open his mouth.
Joel doesn't want to, doesn't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing he needs you, and is going to keep needing you until you decide to kill him, or set him free.
He opens his mouth though, because Joel hasn't had a raspberry in years and he loves them, and the sight of that plump, juicy berry sitting so comfortably in that pillow of delicious, creamy peanut butter is making his stomach rumble. Loudly.
"Want some?" You hold up the bottle of whiskey, screw off the cap and take a swig. "See, it's safe," you look at him through your lashes, and give him a one-corner-of-your-mouth-smile.
Joel nods his head, because what else was there to do if he was going to be a prisoner here? He tried so hard to free himself of the restraints while you were gone, but you know how to tie a knot, and Joel just ended up giving himself rope burn.
An hour later, Joel feels pretty good, but not good enough to forget the situation he's in, but the booze is making you very chatty, and he might actually be enjoying the conversation.
"'N I get power from the solar things up on the roof, I think."
"Ya' think?" Joel smirks at you, he can't help it.
"I dunno how the solar works," you exclaim, holding one hand towards the ceiling. "It's the sun and black screens," you give the ceiling the middle finger and groan. "Barely works when the sun is out-- I just wanna watch my movies--"
"What kinda movies ya' got?"
He wishes he never asked.
You're sitting between his legs on the floor-- reaching behind you to feed him raspberries, never taking your eyes off the screen.
Joel thing's about biting your fingers off, thinks about taking the tips right off with his front teeth.
What would you do if he did that? Joel is still tied up, and he would just have raspberries and bloodied fingertips in his mouth, and then possibly a crazy, unpredictable, angry woman who would try and kill him.
Joel has seen angry people every day for close to thirty years... he knows what they look like, what they sound and act like--- you don't sound or act angry.
"Love this part," you sigh, leaning back into him, and resting your head on his knee.
Joel looks up to the screen, watching Cinderella transform into her beautiful ball gown.
Joel wishes he could reach out and run his fingers through your hair.
No he fucking doesn't? What the actual fuck? What did you put in the food, or the whiskey to make him feel this way?
Joel clenches his hands to fists on the arms of the recliner, and tenses his jaw-- grinding his teeth in the process.
You continue to drink throughout the movie, and when the credits are rolling-- you stumble to your feet, and then into his lap.
"Get off'a me," Joel gripes as you nuzzle your nose against the side of his face.
"Just wanna cuddle," you murmur, curling yourself up into his chest, yawning sleepily. "F'just a lil bit."
"Get off'a me, ya' fuckin' nut!" Joel shouts, and regretfully, tries to headbutt you.
His cheekbone, the side of his nose and part of his forehead connect with the top of your skull in a dull, aching thud.
You scramble off his lap, and fall to the floor, one hand holding the top of your head where Joel had just whacked you. The right side of his face is throbbing, and he thinks his nose might be bleeding, or he's crying- he doesn't know- he doesn't care. He just wants to go home.
"What the fuck!?" You shout back at him. "Mister, I ain't been mean to you at all, minus the brick- okay? What the hell is your problem!?"
Joel can't help but laugh, it starts off as a chuckle, but quickly matures into full on guffawing. "Y'fuckin' insane, ya' know that?" Joel rumbles through his fit.
Through the tears in his eyes, Joel can see you glaring at him.
Okay, he hurt her, can she kill him now?
Sugar, he ain't mean it... not really... he just needs some time to adjust.
He could have really hurt her, are you serious?
He's just nervous! Give the man a break--
Tired of giving men breaks- tired of letting them get away-
"Both of you, knock it off." It's a stern warning to the voice as you glare at Mister.
He stops laughing and blinks at you. "Huh?" He cocks one eyebrow up high, "Both o' ya?"
His question doesn't register, all you can think about is how disappointed you are in him.
"I was gunna let'chya sleep in the big bed with me," you huff, climbing to your feet. "Ain't gonna do that no more."
"I ain't wanna sleep in the big bed with y'crazy fuckin' ass, anyway!" He screams at you.
"What're ya' bein' so fuckin' mean for? I cleaned ya' up, made ya' pretty again-- fed you dinner 'n shared my drink with you!"
Do not cry! What're you doing!? Don't let him see you cry! Get out of here, right now!
The dark voice is right, the burn in your nose and the sting in your eyes are tell tale signs of tears- and you hate them. Hate the way they make your face wet and sticky, hate how they make your heart hurt, hate how your head feels like it's ten pounds heavier when you get done crying.
He'll come around, Sug. Gotta give him some time. If ya' stay nice-- it'll happen sooner than you think.
"I like bein' nice," you murmur, not taking your eyes off Mister.
"Th'fuck are you talkin' about!?" He exclaims, eyes wide, almost obsidian with rage and confusion.
"G'night, Mister. We'll try again t'morow."
Mister doesn't rest, doesn't relax, doesn't settle down at all.
When you open the door to his room, he's still screaming his head off.
"Hey!" You shout back at him, grabbing his attention. "We got raiders 'round here. We got infected movin' in and outta here all the time-- you know how fuckin' loud you are?"
"Hopefully they all hear 'n come runnin'. I'd love to see you get torn to shred-"
"'Kay, m'real sorry ya' feel that way. Even sorrier that I gotta do this."
Mister doesn't stop fighting you the entire time you shove the bandanna into his mouth. He even bites down on your index and middle finger as you stuff the last corner of fabric between his teeth.
Hit him.
It happens so fast, you don't have time to stop yourself from the back of your hand connecting with his cheek.
"Now, you gunna play that game? I can play, too," you inspect your finger and the deep indentation he left that's already starting to bruise.
The duct tape is hard to rip, and you need to use your teeth to cut a strip to go over his mouth.
Mister is mumbling something around the bandanna, but you can't understand him, and honestly are still mad about your fingers-- they hurt! Really bad!
"Glad I still got that medicine... I'm gunna fuckin' need it!" You dig around in your pockets and look for the two white pills. Your fingers throb while you look, the sensitive skin; tender to the touch as it brushes against the fabric inside your pockets.
Mister glares at you with his almost black eyes.
"I'm sorry!" You find the pills, throw them into your mouth and swallow dry. "I'm sorry for hurtin' you. I do not like doin' it, I mean it." You take a couple steps towards him, and drop to your knees between his legs again.
Mister watches, his whole body still as you rest your head on his knee again.
"Just want ya' 'round. M'sorry," you close your eyes, not wanting him to see them fill with those traitorous tears. "Jus' real lonely out here. Miss havin' someone t'talk with...'n snuggle up to at night."
The fuckin' duct tape makes it impossible for Mister to say anything--which is the worst. You wanted someone to talk with, not at.
"I'll take the tape off in the mornin', and we can try again over breakfast, 'kay?"
Mister doesn't make a single sound for the rest of the night.
Joel is drunk again. Fuck, this is never good.
You're in his lap, knees on either side of his thighs with one arm around his neck, your head resting on his shoulder. There is something about the way your fingers twirl around in his hair at the nape of his neck that feels good. Too good.
"C'mon, get off'a me," Joel groans, but there's no passion in his voice. It's been almost three weeks of just this, and he doesn't hate it. Not when he's drunk.
Honestly, he barely dislikes it when he's sober, but he's better at acting like he doesn't want you on his lap when he hasn't had a drink that night.
How can he not like it just a little bit? You're soft, and warm, and fit so perfectly on his lap it's like you were made to be there.
"Couple more minutes, Mister. Please?" You fucking whimper,
The sound floating through Joel's ear canal sends a shiver down his spine, and directly into his cock. It twitches in his jeans. He's got to start thinking about baseball, and carpentry work, and how he's probably going to die soon.
Nothing works. Joel can feel the heat from your cunt through the thin fabric of your shorts, and his hands have been tied down to this chair every time you're not around. The only time you let him up is to use the bathroom-- and you have a gun while you wait for him the entire time, so he's never horny then!
And, as thankful as Joel is for this- you've never even looked at him like that. You look at him like you're in love with him all the time, but you've never once looked at him like you wanna touch him.
Joel tries to push his hips further into the chair, away from the perfect, searing heat of your middle.
"Where'ya goin?" Your voice purrs in his ear, your fingernails ghost across the skin on his neck and he shivers again, his cock feels it tenfold.
You feel it now, too.
"What're ya'--" you pause to look between your bodies, and then your eyes flash up to his. "That f'me?" You're whispering, and your glassy eyes are wide, and look so flattered.
"Ain't for nobody, stop lookin' at 'em," Joel grumbles, again, not really meaning any of it even though he should mean every single word.
"'Em?" you question him with your big, wet eyes and his cock twitches again.
Joel swallows hard, his eyes falling to your bottom lip clutched between your teeth, and nods. "Him, yeah, whatever you wanna call it-- ain't for you." He sighs softly.
"Why not?" you sink down further into his lap. The thin shorts you have on to wear to bed do nothing to keep your warmth contained. It's almost like Joel can feel what it would be like if you just whipped him out and sat-
He's never drinking with you again. Never again.
"Get off'a me," Joel leans forward gently as you lean into him, the tips of your noses touch softly.
"Gunna bite me if I kiss ya'?"
Joel is a goner, your breath smells sweet like raspberries and whiskey and every single thing about you is warm and soft-- Joel knows that if he wasn't fucking drunk he'd be fighting you tooth and nail, but he cannot right now.
He can't think about anything but what you'd feel like wrapped around him, milking him.
"Take'em out," Joel is the one to lean into the kiss, his lips aren't hesitant, or tentative at all when they meet yours. He is going to try and bite you- and he does, he nips at your bottom lip, but gently. He pulls back with it still bitten, and listens to you moan softly.
The quickness of your fingers isn't your friend, you struggle with his belt for what feels like an eternity as you push back against his kiss, eagerly slipping your tongue into Joel's waiting mouth.
Joel groans low in his throat when you wrap your hands around his girth, and then chuckles at your shocked gasp when you pull away to get a good look at him.
"He ain't gon' bite'chya," Joel teases, leaning forward, searching for your lips again.
"Might split me in half," you moan, presumably at the thought of Joel stretching you open.
Joel can't contain his own moan as you put the image in his head. "Fuuck, sit on him-- lemme feel ya'."
The sound that leaves you makes Joel throb in your hand, "Ya' want me t'put 'em inside?" You whisper, the silky smoothness of your hands on him, stroking him so slowly is making his head spin.
"Jeeesus, yes-- fuckin' c'mon- do it," Joel lets his head fall back against the recliner, and watches as you pull your shorts to the side, and lift yourself to hover over him. "C'mon..." Joel eggs you on in a whisper. "Y'can do it, crazy girl."
"Don't call--" you pause when you notch the head of him at your entrance. "--me crazy."
Joel groans loudly as you sink down and let every wet, soft part of you engulf him. He throbs again when you whimper and whine, eyes clenched shut, your hands grasping at his shoulders as you inch your way down his length.
"Ow, ow, ow," you whine, leaning forward to rest your head on Joel's.
He could headbutt the shit out of you right now, but fuck, the way you're looking at him, with real tears in your eyes, not just from drinking.
"Hey, ya' doin' real good, sweetheart, keep goin'-- nice 'n slow," Joel encourages you, because he doesn't want it to stop either. "Jus' like that, crazy girl."
God damn, is crazy pussy always this good? He wouldn't fucking know, he wouldn't ever get involved with you if he knew you back in Jackson- but out here, after almost three weeks with you... it's hard to deny the physical needs of a man. And you're so fucking soft and wet.
The two of you groan in unison when you fully seated. The velvet walls of your pussy are fluttering, and clenching around him as you adjust to his length.
"You're so big," you hum, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. "Didn't think ya'd wanna do this," you whisper into his mouth. "Wasn't gon' take it from ya-- don't like that."
"Take what'chya need from me, whenever ya want it, shit," Joel tries to buck his hips up into yours to give you what you want but you whine in protest.
"Still hurts."
Joel settles his hips and leans into the best he can being tied down, his fingers grip the armrests of the chair tightly, groping it like he would be groping you if he could.
"Untie me," he murmurs while grinding up against you, not pulling out of you at all, just letting you feel him, letting you open up around him so it'll start to feel good.
"No," you nip at his bottom lip now, but you suck it into your mouth and tease him with your tongue as your walls start to rhythmically clench around him.
"Fuck, ya' doin' that on -ur-ose?" Joel groans with his bottom lip still being lapped at, The feeling of your tight, wet sucking him in deeper somehow- like it's fucking bottomless almost makes him come right then.
You pull back, his lip slips from between your with a wet pop "Mhm, ya' like it?" You clench harder around him and then release, and then do that over, and over again.
"Fuckin' untie me, wanna touch you- gotta feel how soft ya' are all over, c'mon," he's begging, he needs to feel the swell of your ass in his palm, or one of your tits spilling between his fingers as he grips you.
"No, you'll just try 'n leave me-"
"No, no, no-- I'll stay 'n... uh.. I'll... um- uh--oh, I'll play nice wit'chya" Joel racks his brain with anything that he could say that would possibly give him a chance at being able to really touch you.
"Lyin' t'me," you moan, and Joel throbs inside of you.
"Not lyin'-"
You pull back from his face at an alarming rate, and you scan his face slowly, as if you were drinking in every feature, savoring the flavor-- Joel watches you swallow hard and imagines that it's his load you just took down--
"Untie me, let me touch ya' a lil bit," Joel whispers, keeping his eyes locked on to yours. "Make ya' feel real good, promise." Joel licks his lips as he watches you struggle internally with the decision. "C'mon... gotta feel how soft ya' are, crazy girl. Just one hand."
"Fine."
You stay seated in his lap, his cock still throbbing inside of you as you work on the knot that will free his right hand. He's trembling in the anticipation of it all.
As soon as the pressure is gone off his wrist, Joel reels his arm back as far as he can, and sends it flying forward with as much force as he can muster after not eating meat for almost an entire month.
You scream as his fist connects with your right eye, and go flying to the floor.
Joel might be completely sober right now, and he knows he needs to move fast before you get up and probably shoot him for lying to you, and then punching you.
Yep. Shoot him. Shoot him right between his perfect, brow, baby-cow eyes. End it.
The dark voice in your head is right, but it's almost impossible to think about anything else but the pain shooting into your brain from your right eye socket.
"You motherfucker," you sob. The pain is electrifying- and you can't even see out of your right eye anymore!
That was your least favorite eye!
Kill. Him.
When you sit up, Joel is working on the knot around his left wrist.
You stumble to your feet, holding your hand over your eye trying to keep the actual ball in, in case it falls out, and walk over to the table with his book bag on it. You rummage around until your fingers wrap around the item you're looking for.
When Joel sees what you're carrying, not even attempting to hide it behind your back, he quickens his efforts on the knot.
Your left hand isn't your dominant one, but your right is busy keeping your eyeball in your head because it most surely got knocked loose or something.
You have to whack Joel twice before he goes unconcious.
"S'what ya' get for almost takin' my eye out!"
While he's still asleep, you take this opportunity to cut the jeans he's wearing off of him. You carefully unbutton the green and red flannel he was wearing and slip that off of him fully intact.
Once he's fully secure, with a new restraint around his chest to keep him fully pinned down to the chair, and the bandanna and tape back around his mouth-- you shut all the lights off, every single one, and leave him down there to think about what he did.
He's gonna learn to play nice, and if he wants to play rough first... so can you.
The air is thick with tension and stench of his sweat and fear.
The big-guy should be kind of scared- you didn't want it to come to this, but he just cannot participate nicely!
You circle your Mister-man slowly, drinking in every detail of him. His broad chest heaves with ragged breaths, muscles taut and straining as he fights against the restraints for the thousandth time.
No matter how hard he struggles, he cannot break free. Oh boy. Mister-man has some big feelings about it, and he's trying to let you know.
He is struggling— like, so fucking hard, against his bonds that tether him to the chair, that are cutting deep into the skin on his wrists. It's unfortunate, but he keeps wriggling around! If he just stopped, it'd all be fine!
You lean in close, pointing to your right eye, which is still black and blue, but thankfully not as swollen anymore, and frown at him. "This hurt!" You exclaim. "It hurt so bad, and you said you were gunna play nice. Why'd ya' lie t'me?"
His eyes are blown wide with fury and desperation. But he cannot respond, not really, his voice is saying things, but it's muffled by the duct tape stretched tight across his mouth.
He's still clad in only boxer shorts, a thin gray t-shirt, and socks, he looks vulnerable and exposed.
It really shouldn't be so hot-- but it is. You can't stop thinking about what he said the other night.
"Take what'cya want from me, sweetheart. Whenever you want it."
You wonder if he really meant that, because he punched you in the face right after.
But... he got excited! He wanted it, Mister-man kissed you first.
Oh Sug, he's down bad.
Please kill him. Shoot him right now, then you can just move to a different part of the mall. It's very simple.
He's really mad; which makes no sense! He punched you right in the eye! What is he mad for!?
"I thought after three weeks you'd be begging me to take you upstairs, Mister," you purr seductively, taking a step behind him, out of his line of sight. "Instead you hit me!?" You give Joel a good thwack against the side of his head with your open hand.
Not enough to really hurt him— that's coming soon— but enough to let him know to cut the shit. It's getting old, and now you want a fun, willing participant to play with you… and not someone who is going to act like they don't like… all this.
The perfect basement office of an old mattress store in an abandoned mall about a two hour hike outside of what used to be Jackson, Wyoming?
There's no spores, there's no mildew or stink! It's clean, you make sure to keep everything so clean for him.
Despite his insessant pestering about meat for some reason, he's well fed! He gets to drink whenever he wants!
Why is he so upset!?
Joel grumbles something from behind the duct tape and it's honestly lost of deaf ears because you don't care for what he has to say right now, it's never nice or sweet. It's always mean— that's why he's got the duct tape on.
Soon.
Soon the big-dumb-idiot will be singing your name, happily, and without restraints.
He's just gotta wear something else first.
You slip the shock collar around his thick neck while you're still behind him.
He doesn't like it, at all. He thrashes and writhes, and makes a desperate, pleading groan from behind deep in his throat.
"Well, you wanna act like all them other dogs out there, you're gon' get treated like one," you press a kiss to the top of his skull, and pull back before he can rear his head forward and smash it against your nose.
He's going to try-- he always does.
Slowly, you wind your way around him, trailing a finger along his sweat-slick forehead and crawl into his lap. He struggles at first, until he sees the remote in your hand.
"Gonna zap all the bad outta you… make you perfect for me." You sigh, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Have an idea...for how you can hug me-- and not hit me."
Joel mumbles something else, muffled through the duct tape. It doesn't really matter what he's saying, all that matters is how warm he is. How he makes you feel so safe and comfortable.
It's easy now, with the threat of being zapped, to rest your forehead against his, and nuzzle the tips of your noses together.
"You gunna be good for me, Mister-man?" It's a purr as you press a kiss to the duct tape covering his mouth. "Or am I gunna have to train you how to be good?"
omg this might be the longest tag list i've ever done let me know if you want me to take you off, add you, if I forgot you-- I'm SORRY!!!
TAG LIST: @pedrospookie @gothcsz @joelmillerisapunk @sp00kymulderr @paleidiot @goodvampykitten @rosebuds-and-moonlight @diabaroxa @zhazy-blog2 @almostempty @xdaddysprincessxx @tobethlehem @lilac-boo @xkyxkyxxlylcylulucuflfluclu @rav3n-pascal22
#kidnapped!joel miller#joel miller x reader#crazy!reader#dead dove fic#smut and violence#a little fluff#joel's dirty fucking mouth#joel miller tlou#Jackson!Joel#pedro pascal characters#pedrostories#eventual smut#eventual angst
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Thinking about Wade waiting for a package so when there's a knock at the door, he jumps up all excited.
Before he can even open the door, Logan's nose is scrunching, petting their naked rat dog in his lap. Snfsnf..
Scott?
Coming out of the bedroom, he leaves the puppy on the bed.
It's not Scott. It's worse than that.
There, standing in his door frame is Nathan. He's holding a bag and gave Wade a type of flowers He's never seen before. They smell like warm melted sugar and perfume. Big, and almost resembled a tiger lilly except the coloring is off. Red and black instead of orange and a brown shade.
Wade is standing here, looking up at him with a frown, playing with his sleeves, grabbing his own hand, biting his tongue enough to bleed. Logan could smell it.
Wade was staring at him, silent, his eyes glistening like glitter in oil.
He can hear Mary barking in their bedroom. She didn't like men very much. Esspecially when they smelled like Scott.
"...."
"You don't have to say anything right now, Wade.." Nathan starts, lifting up the bag. "Just...came to give your clothes back... they don't smell like you anymore.."
Tears start to form in his eyes, not blinking. Still staring. As if in disbelief of what he just said before Logan came out.
Logan appears by his side, looking up at Cable with a soft, possesive glare, like a dog whos unfriendly to men and might bite.
"What the fuck did you say to him?"
When Wade didn't take the bag of clothes, Nathan's arm dropped, looking away from him.
"Hello, Logan.."
By now, Wade still hasn't said anything, but the tears rushing down his face were enough to trigger Logan's protection mode.
"What. Did. You. Say!?"
"I don't believe I was talking to you.." Cable mutters, this time their eyes connecting in that stare offish sort of way.
"Does it look like I care!?"
Word's ring through Wade's head. Words that might sound innocent but held a whole new meaning behind them. The flowers, the clothes, These meant nothing compared to them.
'My daughter is all grown up.'
Why would anyone walk through a door with even a hello and say these words as if to quickly establish the intention of his visit.
Yeah, Nathan visited like twice a year, ussually once at Christmas with his father and to visit his new little sister Rachel, but once not. Once, alone, and in his new apartment.
Wade had purposly moved to get away from the memories (and mildew) of him. The little life that they built together for a few months.
Got a new mattress even. One softer. Less springy. Used, yes, but so much comfier. You know what they say about those new matresses. Too hard. No one to wear them in. So, at least now, when he slept, he could feel the warm, soft embrace instead of a hold hard metal one.
... This isn't about matresses..
And yet, after everything, he kept coming back like a stray mutt wanting fed. Haunting him of everything he wanted in his youth but couldn't have.
'I'm sorry, Wade.. But I can't abandon my daughter'
'My daughter is all grown up.'
Now, He knew he was delusional. He knew he was dilerious even, but this? Oh, No, honey. There was no way around this. Because THIS 'between the lines' notation was actually a huge bright shining flashing sign.
The olive branch of 'Let's get back together'. Painted in gold and put on a pedestal... just to tease him.
Shaking his head, Wade had blocked out the argument before but came back to "He's his own person. He can talk to who he wants."
"No the fuck he can't! Not if they're just going to hurt him!"
"Im not going to hurt him, Logan."
"What do you call this!?"
Wade's tears hadn't stopped, his eyes red from crying, and all he could do was whimper and stare, his visson blurry.
Even when Cable WAS his, he was barley home, returning at nights and leaving again before dawn. Time cop things I guess. Sometimes he wouldn't return for days.. bringing in perks, setting things right within the balance of time, killing bad dudes, visiting his daughter, etc.
And while Wade didn't blame him for this, he didn't want that anymore. He could barely handle it back then, and now? That Logan had conditioned him with morning lovings, smothering him in the sunnight that came into their room, peppering kisses all over him, whining when Wade left the house and always scooping him up to go to the bedroom when he returned.
How he made him breakfast after holding him for hours and held his head so nicely when he gave him shower head. THE shower head. My bad. To save water, you know? It's expensive in New York, sue me.
The way he cared for puppins and fell asleep during some dumb documentary. How Logan held his hand to go grocery shopping and went as far as telling the X men that they were married, and they could kick rocks if they didn't like it.
It was... nice.. to be wanted. To be loved and to settle down. Not a lot - just about as much as Deadpool COULD settle down. He's been shown the light of routine affection, and he was not about to go back to cold nights alone, wondering when he'd come back.
It's not that he didn't love Nathan. No, the oppisite, actually. But they didn't work. As much as they clicked and how much fun he had with him, He couldn't take another heartbreak.
"T-this isn't fair.." he chokes out.
Mid argument, Logan turns. "What's not fair?"
"Breathe, Wade." Cable says, having put the clothes down, pushing it up against the side of the couch.
Taking a deep breath, it's pushed out of his lungs the moment it comes in. "It's not fair!"
Backing away from the both of them, he's holding the flowers so tight that the stems are breaking. The tears become thicker, heavier, his heart beat pounding in his ears.
"I did what I was supposed to do!! I grew up! I moved on!! I-i settled down, Nathan!! I'm married!!"
Both went quiet, an obvious frown and a concerned look plastered onto their faces.
"Why'd you leave me if you just wanted to come back? I didn't do anything wrong!! I thought you liked me! You said you loved me!!" He was shouting, sobbing, and clearly stressed out.
(And all because he thought the amazon guy was here.)
"Wade, calm down. Breathe."
"Don't you tell him to calm down! He's allowed to be pissed. You up and left him."
"For my daughter! Yes, I did-"
"So shut the fuck up!"
Breathing heavily, Wade began to pace, hugging himself and the flowers, crushing them to death, a metaphor to his desire for the future man.
"I-it's not fair!! You chose what you chose, and now you have the nerve to come back and ask me to throw everything I made for myself away! For you!? But you wouldn't do that for me!"
Now that he thought about it, this was his first time fully processing and letting out his emotions since the breakup. He was angry and grieving.
Nathan nods softly "I know and I wouldn-"
"Am I fucking finished talking!? Huh? No! So shut the fuck up!" He had spent years shoving deep down, trying to burry the anger alive.
Logan has been there. He knew this feeling all too well. But seeing Wade explode like this was kind of terrifying. He always knew Wade had that fire in him, What he didn't expect was for Wade to throw the bouquet at him. Him out of the two.
Swallowing, he scrambles to pick them up, not sure if Wade simply missed or if he wanted to keep them or not. The crushed petals on the floor were the pieces of Wade that Logan couldn't glue together, but that was fine. He loved him none the less.
"And you!"
"Me?"
"I should gut you right now for ever thinking I would leave you! I'm a grown man, I can handle myself! I-i'm allowed to cry! I don't need you to fight my battles for me. Just pick me up when I fall. Got it!?"
Logan nods quickly.
"Good!! Cause I will! And you! You should have thought about this when you abandoned me. I've tried to be your friend, I will still be your friend, but I won't let you come here with your stupidly gorgeous future flowers and think I'll bend over like a fucking bitch for you. You lost that chance!" He says, throwing his hands up and pointing at him angerly.
Nathan was going to mutter how he didn't see him like this, but was too afraid Wade might stab him, so he just nodded subtly.
"Now. Get the fuck out of my house." The growl is through grit teeth.
"But I really think-"
"I don't give a rats ass what you think! This is MY life and I'm tired of people thinking I care what they think. Now, I'll talk to you about this later when I don't feel like gauging out your only good fucking eye. Got it? Good. Nice seeing you. Bye!"
Turning on his heel, Wade goes towards the bedroom, leaving Logan to glare and start to snarl.
"Logan! Come! Nathan, leave my fucking clothes and close the door on your way out! If my dog gets out im gonna be one pissed off cunt!" He screams, now holding puppins who was desperate to lick the tears and snot from his face.
Giving each other a look, Cable picks up the bag and Logan is quick to come when called, giving him a final 'Fuck you' with a claw before he left.
Mr. Space cops eye's roll, shaking his head as he headed out.
Hearing the door clicking, Logan watches as Wade snuggles up in the blankets, hugging himself tight. He was seething.
"....you wanna talk about it...?"
"...." clacking his nails together, Logan put the flowers in a tall cup, filling it half way with water and put it on the dresser before coming to sit on the edge of the bed.
He was right.. the flowers were beautiful. They still were, even now that they were all broken and crumbled... this isn't about flowers.
Wade huffs, making a whining growly sound.
Logan nods, understanding but he's rarely been on this side of the argument. Ussually its him being all growly.
"..Im proud of you, Wade.."
The words are like an instant pull of a trigger, sniffling before breaking down again, starting to sob. This time, less angry and more mournful.
Logan sighs, crawling close to him before pulling him into his arms, rubbing his back.
Puppin's whines, wagging her tail.
"..I-it's not fair...t-the one time I do the mature thing.."
"I know... you love him. It's hard."
"I-i did.." Wade whispers, his chest tight with various emotions.
Logan knew because this was the exact feeling he felt with Scott. He thought they fit, but I guess not cause he went off and married Jean instead, and still sometimes told him things that made his chest tighten with painful grief of what they could have had, and only toyed with him when he felt convenient.
Like father like son.
Even if it felt so right to be wrong, how good it felt to be given the attention, it hurt so bad when it ended.
And that kind of hurt took decades to go away...
Luckily, Wade liked this mattress more and wasn't planning on getting rid of it so long as he may live.
#you guys love pain in the morning don't lie#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool 3#deadclaws#nathan summers#cable#cablepool#mary puppins#finding home au#finding home#cablepool break up#deadpool 2#SoundCloud
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Through Dusk and Dawn
"Through dusk and dawn" means throughout the entire night, from the time it starts getting dark (dusk) until the first light of day appears (dawn), essentially encompassing the whole nighttime
Shadow x reader (platonic)
Warnings : none other than Shadow already has a tiny soft spot for reader
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One of your worst nightmares coming to life was not what you planned for this year.
Losing the people u cared for the most was awful.
Never thought it would've come to this you thought
You were nowhere to be seen during the guardianship stuff always hiding in the bathroom to wipe tears of sorrow and guilt people might ask why you feel guilt but the thing is you had nothing to do with it you just feel like you should of done something but didn't you blamed yourself for it.
Once Tom and Maddie got full guardianship over you they finally got to take you home with them.The drive from the foster care centre and to there home was wierd Tom having lost his brother (ur dad) was hard on him but they always had this promise to each other that if something went wrong that the other would care for their family and Tom wanted to keep that promise and make it true.
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*Car stops*
You got to were you would call home
Tom and Maddie help you w ur 2 bags while u carried ur main bag w all ur most personal things
Once the door opened sonic and tails were the first to try to greet you
“Oooooh hiii you must be y/n! Nice to meet you!” Said sonic with a warm smile
“Sonic she can't hear you…” said Maddie
“Oh let me speak louder my bad HI IM SO-” I mean she's deaf sonic she can read lips but she can't hear anything”says Maddie
“Oh I'm Sorry”
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Maddie an Tom help u set up in the room you'd stay in
As you entered you saw a beautiful room decorated with a small vase of flowers and a candle in a nightstand next to it you saw two small beds in one of them was a small black and red hedgehog sitting down reading a book
Feeling interrupted shadow wanted to say something
“I'm sorry shadow but quickly we wanted you to meet y/n she's my niece and she will share a room with you for a while until we find a way to set everything up” says Tom looking at shadow hoping for a small “okay” or a head nod
Shadow nods his head and continues reading
After putting ur things away Tom writes on a sticky note
“Wanna have pizza for dinner?”
You wrote back
“Ok sure” just wanting to be left to your own thoughts
Tom could feel that you were probably not in the mood for anything so he waved goodbye and left
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Now being alone (w only shadow being there) you finally felt the wave of grief hit you like a stack of bricks a few silent tears slipped down your cheeks onto ur knees as you hugged them tighter hoping everything was a bad dream even if you knew it wasnt….
Shadow took notice of this since he could hear what you thought were silent sobs were actually not that silent but quite enough he could hear.
Jumping of his bed he thought he should see what's wrong since he did overhear Tom and Maddie talk about why you were coming to sonic tail and knuckles. He slowly climbed up into you bed and tapped ur hand gaining ur attention
“Are you okay” he said, feeling a small shock as he was reminded of Maria as soon as he saw our tear filled eyes.
You read his lips and nodded your head in a no motion
Shadow felt a small crack in his heart seeing you like this,as it reminded him so much of his sweet maria.he said something gaining no response and thought maybe u wanted to be left alone as he was about to go back to his bed you held onto his hand patting the side next to you signalling him to sit next to you
You quickly grabbed a notepad u had in you bag and wrote
I'm sorry if u said anything but I can't hear you
“It's okay, do you wanna write about why ur crying?” he wrote back
Not right now can you just stay with me for a bit?
You wrote back waiting for a reply
Shadow slowly nodded, feeling a small wave of happiness in his heart being able to be wanted was not new but it was a feeling he's almost forgotten about since the last time he felt it was with her..
as he say back next to you layer down motioning him to do the same
As you both layer in your bed in comfortable silence he noticed you seemed less tense as you did when u got here.after a while he poked his head up to she if you doing okay only to see you in deep sleep. Feeling like his job was done he thought he should head back to his bed but he felt like his heart was telling him to stay feeling as if he left you would disappear.
Around 20 minutes after shadow Slowly felt his eyes starting to feel heavy he wanted falling asleep next to you but before anything happened he snapped back as he heard someone approaching quickly teleporting back into his bed
As the door opened he looked up from the open book seeing tails and knuckles acting nonchalant he looked at them with a speak or get out face
Seeing that tails spoke up
“Maddie wanted us to let you and y/n know that the pizza is almost here and to come to the table” he said sheepishly
“Well be there in a bit”he said as tails and knuckles left the room
Shadow walked over to your bed and slowly shook you awake
He quickly wrote on the notepad “pizza I here let's go eat” as you woke up.
You quickly nodded as you were hungry quickly, getting up and following him to the kitchen
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Finished!
Thanks for reading!
I lwk LOVE how this turned out hope you guys like it too<3
Taglist
@bluefang1 @fawnsies @sabakarp @z3zabytez @ellaprime7 @buddee @star-maker-rain-dancer @generousdiamond
#my post#x reader#crappost#chicken#sonic#shadow the hedgehog#sonic 3#shadow the hedgehog x reader#shadow x reader#sonic the hedgehog#sonic the hedghog fandom#miles tails prower#knuckles the echidna#cute
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seventeen - look back (wc : 1.3k ; cw : mention of vomit)
she found it weird, at first, when they all insisted on going out with her tonight. even weirder when she hesitated, saying she wasn’t sure she felt like it, and they practically dragged her out the door. but the strangest part came when kiyoko showed up at the bar, unannounced, buying her drink after drink, claiming that she was trying to make it up to her. something was off. she felt it deep in her gut. and yet, she chose to brush it away, the deafening music, the heat of the crowded bar pressing in on her until all her senses seemed to blur together.
she lets herself get lost in it. arms raised above her head, swaying to the bass, the vibrations reverberating in her rib cage. the colored lights paint streaks of blue, red and purple across her skin. the air is thick, humid, a clear scent of sweat and liquor clinging to her. her now slightly damp hair sticks to her cheeks, to the back of her neck
the shots burned a path down her throat, a dizzying sense of tranquility blooming in her chest.
she spins, laughing, the room tilting just enough to make it seem surreal, like a dream.
she spots atsumu from across the bar, their gazes catching like magnets. the music seems to slow down, the sounds muffled as everything fades into the background. she freezes, her breath catching in her throat. on the other side, atsumu stands equally, unable to tear his eyes away, like a deer in headlights watching his doom approach, inevitable.
a sudden jolt breaks the spell, a guy bumps into him, his drink spilling over the rim of his cup. the blonde stumbles back, the sticky cold liquid splashes all over his shoes.
the guy mumbles out a half-assed apology, more distracted than sorry, but atsumu doesn’t hear it, he doesn’t care. when he glances back up, she's gone. he spots her back disappearing behind a door leading to the alley behind the bar.
she’s leaning against the cold bricks, her skimpy going-out outfit leaving enough exposed skin for the icy touch to anchor her in the moment. the smell of the dumpster next to her is making her stomach churn, she doesn’t wanna puke but she’s frozen in place. her breath is fast and unsteady, she’s tightening her fists in an effort to get over herself and face the situation, nails digging into her palms. damn kiyoko and the 5 drinks she bought her, she can’t think straight. the alley is finally starting to stop spinning when she hears the door next to her slam loudly.
she winces at the sound. probably just some guy too lazy to wait in line for the bathroom, she assumes.
except it’s not.
atsumu clears his throat, partly because he’s not sure that he can talk in this moment, and partly to make her notice his presence. the noise is hesitant, awkward.
in the corner of her eye, she recognizes his shoes, and the alley spins once more.
they both stay silent. she’s wishing, praying, he’s just a figment of her imagination. and he’s hoping the right words will come to him.
“you-” atsumu starts, just as she says, “i-”
they both stop, she risks a glance at his face. he chuckles awkwardly, though nothing about this feels funny. the air between them is thick, heavy with regrets, lies, worry.
“sorry.” she blurts out, the word burning her throat, it takes a lot for her to admit it, “shouldn’t have disappeared like that.”
“you needed time, ‘s okay.” it’s not okay, but that’s the only thing he can think of. his voice is softer when he adds, “your mom seems like a lot.” it wasn’t hard to understand who the woman from the other night was.
atsumu doesn’t miss the way she flinches at the mention of her mother, like she’s bracing herself. he immediately regrets bringing her up.
“how’ve you been?” he asks, trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. he leans against the wall a few meters away from her, deliberately putting space between them but still staying close enough to show he’s not going anywhere. not this time.
“meh.” she shrugs, still looking at the brick wall facing them. “i saw your mom at the grocery store the other day. she asked me if we had a fight.” she chuckles, cold and bitter.
“she did?”
“she also said i should talk to you.” she presses her lips together, hesitating. that’s not exactly what happened, but he doesn’t need to know that.
he nods slowly, already making a mental note to thank his mom the next time he sees her. before he can speak, she continues.
“i was so mad at you for being right.” the words tumble out, slurred. the fog in her brain clouding her judgment, making the truth spill out in a way she can’t control. she slides down the wall, knees drawn to her chest, arms wrapping tightly around them as though she’s trying to disappear.
she presses her face into her skin, voice muffled. “maybe i’m still mad.”
atsumu stares at her for a second, trying to piece together what she’s saying. he kneels, his body lowering to match hers, as if that could somehow close the emotional distance she puts between them.
“mad? about?” he asks, soft, careful.
she laughs again, joyless. “he fucked me for a few weeks and he ditched me, just like you said.”
her laugh dies, her breath hitching on the last word, and then, silence.
atsumu’s stomach twists, he feels it sink down to his feet, the shame and guilt suffocating him.
flashes from that night burn into his memory. the faceless girl trailing after his asshole teammate, the one he had so much fun belittling behind her back, smug and thoughtless. the one whose shoes he threw up on. he wants to apologize, to take it back, claim he was just a drunk idiot, but every word feels cheap and hollow.
"you wanna know something pathetic?” her voice trembles, and she hugs her knees tighter, “i didn't even like him. not really.” she shudders. “just thought it would be nice…. to know i could be wanted. loved."
atsumu feels his chest crack open. he thinks he sees a tear run down her cheek, her eyes are glossy. it must be the street lights shining in them, maybe the alcohol is getting to his head. that must be it. or maybe, he just can’t face the truth, feeling too much like her pain is his fault.
still, he reaches out. his hand hovers, uncertain, he doesn’t know what he’s offering, or asking. comfort? forgiveness?
to his surprise, she doesn’t flinch when he sets his palm gently on her shoulder. she relaxes, just barely, and he swears he feels her lean into his touch. her head falls against his shoulder, resting a little uncomfortably.
he wipes down her cheek, and their eyes lock. hers are red and a bit puffy, but he’s looking at her with the same adoration from before.
they blink a few times, he feels her breath, warm and uneven, ghosting against his skin. it smells like mint and alcohol but he doesn’t move away.
then, too soon to his taste, she shifts, the walls coming back up. she straightens up, wiping her face roughly with the back of her hand. without looking at him, she mumbles, “see ya.”
he watches her silhouette getting smaller and smaller until she disappears into the night, arms wrapped tightly around her. he wants to call out, to make her stay, but his voice dies in his throat.
she doesn’t look back.
fun facts
sakusa had to push atsumu to go after yn, the poor guy was too nervous. after that, sakusa left the bar. he considered his mission complete.
kageyama is pissed off they can't work their shit out without involving him (and that it caused a fight between hinata and him)
the fight started when they were in bed together the next day, and kags asked hinata to keep waiting and say nothing.
the guilt was eating at hinata, he's not used to lying.
he told him over text because he was worried he'd chicken out if he waited to do it in person
atsumu is crashing out
author's note
i love angst
play dumb! - next
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#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#haikyuu fluff#hq#haikyuu smau#haikyuu texts#atsumu miya x you#atsumu miya x y/n#atsumu miya fluff#atsumu angst#atsumu miya x reader#atsumu miya#miya atsumu#miya atsumu x reader#miya atsumu x you#miya atsumu x y/n#atsumu fluff#atsumu x reader#hq atsumu#haikyuu atsumu#atsumu x you#atsumu smau#miya atsumu smau#atsumu x reader smau#miya atsumu x reader smau#hq x you#play dumb!
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Baby: Part One
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~2.6k
Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst, feeling broken and utterly helpless to the point of depression, wanting to die, being shot
Summary: You're trying to prove to Sam and Dean that after two months of having your soul restored, you're all better. You'll gladly play the part if it means they don't worry about you. However, that facade is slowly being stripped away from you the longer you go without facing up to those feelings. You're not okay and you need to stop pretending like you are.
Season Eleven Masterlist
Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3
x
It's been a month since Molly has been living at the Bunker with your family. You wanted to give the kids a chance to get to know her before school starts. It's been going about as well as you expected it to go. Joanna absolutely loves her, Maryann is a bit cautious, and Noah makes it clear he doesn't like her. Molly is doing her best to help with chores and taking care of the dogs as well as getting used to the kids.
She's been dedicating all of her time being with the kids, taking them out to the park, and allowing them room to get used to her. You don't want her to feel suffocated here so you help where you can to give her a break so she spends her time in the library reading about anything and everything. Her knowledge of the hunting life wasn't that big but now she has an entire library full of lore to fall back on.
If she's going to be taking care of Winchester children, she has to know what's out there. She's a good hunter but there is always room for improvement.
You're in the kitchen making the kids lunch while Molly helps the girls get ready for school. Noah is the first one in the kitchen and the first one to grab his lunch.
"Can you at least pretend you like Molly?"
"I don't know why she's even here. I don't need a babysitter. I'm almost thirteen."
"She's not a babysitter." You sigh and lean against the kitchen island. "I've done things I'm not proud of, Noah, and I need to know that when your dad, uncle, and I are gone from this Bunker, you're safe. Just you being a Winchester has enough of a target on your back. I need someone here to look after you not because I don't trust you but because I love you. I think you're old enough to go to school on your own but your sisters aren't. What if something happens to you on the way to school? What will you do? You're not prepared but Molly is."
"How long is she going to be here?"
"I don't know. Right now, I need all the help I can get."
"Guess."
"At least a year. Maybe more. Work with her, Noah. All I ask is that you try. Can you do that for me, please?"
"Alright," Noah sighs.
"Thank you."
You pull Noah in for a hug he acts like he doesn't want but you see the smile on his face. You kiss the top of his head just as Molly and your daughters walk in. You give the lunches to Molly who packs them inside their backpacks.
"Thanks for doing this, Molly."
"It's no problem, really."
She leaves with the kids to bring them to their first day of school. Noah is starting the 7th grade, Joanna is starting Kindergarten, and Maryann is in preschool. You can't wait for them to get home so you can hear all about their day. This past month has been especially hard for you because you're in a constant battle between yourself and wanting to give your kids the love they deserve.
You're not fully back yet and you're not sure when you will be. You have to take it day by day and see how you feel but you can already tell this isn't going to be a good one. As soon as the kids are gone, the tears come. You put your hand to your mouth to silence your sobs but two manage to escape.
No, we're not doing this today. A month with your soul restored isn't enough time to get over just how bad you were... how many people you've killed. I need Dean. He makes everything better even if he's just standing there. He and Sam decided to forgive you for what you did but you know you have a long road ahead of you of making it up to them. Thank God your kids don't know what you did otherwise you'd have killed yourself for sure.
You wipe the tears from your face and go find your husband who is inside the garage washing his precious car... again. His back is turned to you as he leans over the trunk to wash the back window. You want to help him. You want to be able to go over to him and offer to help but you feel frozen in your stance. How can you ever go back to doing normal shit when you feel so far from normal?
Someone walks up behind you and you turn to see Sam there. You mutter a quick apology and move out of his way. He decides to give you some space and walks over to his brother who just now notices you two.
"Hey. Did you find anything?"
"On the Darkness? No."
"What about Metatron?"
"No."
"Great. So, we have an ancient evil out there somewhere just getting stronger by the day."
"Cas is getting better so there's that. He still needs more time to heal, though."
Sam grabs a sponge and helps his brother wash the car while you stay by the door and watch them.
"I guess we got nothing to do but get better. Speaking of, you doing alright, sweetheart?"
Both brothers look at you and you blush out of embarrassment.
"Fine."
Dean hums but goes back to what he was doing. He doesn't believe you but that's a conversation to be had in the privacy of your own bedroom instead of in front of Sam.
"I don't know about you two, but I've got some serious cabin fever. I've washed every car in here twice."
"I may have found us a case in Oregon. I mean, it's thin but--"
"Thin works. Tell me on the way."
While the brothers dry the soap and water off the car, you take your phone out and text Molly your plans.
You: Hey, the boys and I are going to Oregon for a case. We should be back by the end of the week.
Molly: Go. I got this.
You really don't deserve her and you barely even know her. You're not sure where you're at but when it starts raining, Dean scoffs knowing he just washed his car. You're sitting in the back seat with your head resting on the window watching the drops of water race down the window.
"Alright, let's hear it. What are we getting into?"
"There's a town outside of Eugene, Oregon called Quaker Valley. Dwayne Markham, the local sheriff, was found in the woods a couple of days ago. His body was mauled so they chalked it up to an animal attack, but I'm thinking it could be a werewolf."
"You're right. That is thin."
"Probably nothing, right?"
"Probably not. Oregon, here we come."
Sam's phone rings and he answers Castiel's call. He places him on speakerphone and you pull your eyes away from the window to look at the phone as if Castiel is standing right there.
"Hey, Cas. Everything alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just reading up about the other cases in the area that you're headed to. I haven't found anything yet that matches."
"Cas, you've got one job to do and that's to heal."
"I can help, Dean."
"Yeah, I know but now is the time for you to focus on getting better. This is just a milk run. We got it. So, try and relax."
"Alright."
"Read a book and watch some Netflix."
"What's a 'Netflix'?"
"Go to my room and turn on the TV. It's the red and black icon. You'll figure it out."
"Call me if you need anything."
"Got it. Thanks, Cas." Sam hangs up. "Do you think he's gonna be okay?"
"Yeah. He just needs some time, you know? We all do."
I don't think time will fix me. Dean doesn't want to drive all the way to Oregon in one trip so he stops somewhere in Salt Lake City to get some rest for the night. He pulls up in front of a sketchy-looking bar called The Roadhouse, and all you can think about is getting a room and crying yourself to sleep.
"Are you serious, Dean? It's late. I'm exhausted and starving. This place... I mean, even Swayze wouldn't come to this roadhouse."
"Okay, first of all, never use Swayze's name in vain. Okay? Ever. Second, you don't remember this place? You don't remember the hunt we worked on with the Wendigo a couple of years ago?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Look, we have a lot of driving to do just to go to a town where there's probably not a case. We could make this night a good one if we let it. What do you say? Sweetheart?"
"I don't care," you sigh and look down.
"I say, knock yourself out. I'm gonna find a diner, dig into the lore like Cas did, and see if anything has ever happened where we're headed."
"Oh, man, you really gotta learn to have fun. Seriously, it's pathetic. Come on, sweetheart. Let's go."
You and Dean separate from Sam once you all get out of the car. Just let me cry in peace. Dean has to drag you into the lively bar, and you take out your phone to message Molly.
You: How was the kids' first day of school?
Molly: It went as expected. It was a good first day and now they're in their beds sleeping.
Dean reaches over and takes your phone from you before you have a chance to message Molly back. You and Dean sit at the bar, both of you wearing different faces. The bartender looks at you and decides your poison will be the strongest drink they have, but you don't touch it.
"Just give me one night where you block everything out, okay?"
"I can't, Dean," you sigh.
"What's it going to take for you to be okay?"
You snap your head up and glare at Dean who is taken aback by your sudden change in attitude.
"This isn't some depressive episode, Dean. For an entire year, I spent life soulless. For an entire year, I... hurt people... killed people with my magic. My magic that is supposed to be used to heal people. That doesn't go away after two months."
"Yeah, I know--"
"No, you don't know. You want to know but you don't, and I don't expect you to. Just stop pretending like everything is fine when it's not."
You get up and walk to the bathroom without another word. Dean sighs and looks at his phone thoughtfully. He's debating on calling Sam but decides against it. He wants to be there for you but he doesn't know how if he can't understand. Maybe he should call the new Death and make him put a wall in your head. After taking a moment or two to yourself, you walk back out of the bathroom and over to Dean.
"Enjoy your time here, Dean. I'm getting a motel for the night. I'm tired."
"Y/N--"
"Goodnight, Dean."
You leave your phone with him and leave the bar. There is a motel right across the street from the bar so that's where you walk over to. There are a lot of rooms available but you don't care which one you get. You just need to get inside a room before you break down crying. You pay for the night and leave with the key in hand. You don't bother locking the door because as soon as you close the door, you're already in tears.
You sit on the edge of the bed and look down at your hands. Hands that have killed. They glow softly with blue magic but seeing that magic brings such a heavy weight to your heart. It hurts to see your magic. It's like someone has stabbed you in the heart and left a dull knife inside of you. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to think. It hurts to live. I hurt all over and Dean doesn't even know. You put your head in your hands and sob. Your wails are loud enough that you're sure the neighbors on either side of you can hear you.
You jump when you feel a hand touch your shoulder but you don't look at who it is. You already know who it is. Dean pulls you into his arms and lets you sob into his chest. He is here for you through your worst and will do anything to take care of you no matter what that entails. Seeing you this way is worse than seeing you without a soul. He knows you're hurting and he can't do anything to make it better. At least with before, he knew the real you was stuck inside his head. He knew he could fix that.
He doesn't know how to fix this.
As soon as the sun starts shining through the window, you and Dean are already heading back to the Impala. You don't know if you can talk about what happened and Dean doesn't force you to. What he did last night helped only because it was he who was holding you. He stayed up well past after you fell asleep just to listen to you breathe. He prayed that you'd make it out okay for whatever it's worth.
You stop short when you see Sam naked in the back seat with a blonde woman on top of him. You gasp loud enough to wake her up, and she looks around frantically.
"Who are you two?" she asks.
"Sam!"
"Ah, what?" He opens his eyes and looks at you and Dean sheepishly. "This is my brother, Dean, and his wife, Y/N."
You immediately look away when she shifts enough to reveal Sam's cock. You know what it looks like but you don't want to violate him like that.
"Sorry, Sam, I didn't realize you had company," Dean chuckles.
"Yeah, uh, could you give us a minute?"
"Yeah."
Dean takes your hand and heads to the diner that's in the same complex as the bar. You two take a table by the window with a clear shot of the Impala, and Dean orders for you two. You look away from the car with a sigh, and Dean slides your phone across the table toward you.
"I charged it for you."
"Thanks," you whisper.
After getting some food in your stomach, you see the woman Sam was with walk into the diner wearing a uniform. Son of a bitch works here. Dean pays for the bill and you two walk back out to the car where Sam is now in the front seat. He is buttoning up his shirt but you don't immediately get in the back. You open the trunk and grab some baby wipes from the baby bag you have stashed back here. You notice your own bag and ruffle through it until you find what you're looking for. You close the trunk and start wiping the back seat with the baby wipes.
"I put a blanket down," Sam huffs out.
"My kids sit back here, Sam. I don't need them contracting a disease because you couldn't keep it in your pants."
Once you deem it safe to sit back there, you climb into the car and clutch the notebook you grabbed from your bag to your chest. Dean grabs a cassette tape from the glove compartment and shoves it into the player.
"Dean, I can explain what was going on--"
"No, no, no. No need."
Bob Seger's "Night Moves" starts playing and Sam scoffs at the silent message Dean is trying to tell him.
"Don't 'Night Moves' me."
"Shh. Just let it wash over you. Just take it in," he smirks.
"This is ridiculous."
"He's one of the greatest rock writers of all time, Samuel."
He rolls his eyes. "It's Sam."
x
Want to be tagged? Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)
#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester fanfic#dean winchester fic#dean winchester fluff#dean winchester angst#supernatural#supernatural fic#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural fanfic#supernatural fluff#supernatural angst#supernatural series rewrite
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I don’t have a link but I saw a post along the lines of “EPIC fans trying to gaslight themselves into thinking Odysseus wouldn’t cheat (he does in the books)” and I nearly had a conniption.
Some people WERE arguing he was assaulted, but other people were saying it depends on the interpretation and saying he has a child with Circe and that he stays on the island with her for a year. I also saw someone say he was just lying about being assaulted on another post about it.
The Odyssey/EPIC fandom is so exhausting I’ve thought about blocking everything sometimes ngl. It’s so hard to filter out posts like that. But there’s so much amazing art and content about it I don’t want to stop seeing it.
No, like that's the struggle of it.
I Love Epic and I technically got into the Odyssey BECAUSE of Epic. But I'm a hardcore Odyssey girly. I adore it so much. I've read 8 translations at this point because I love it so much and it's fun for me! And Epic is in no way a replacement for the Odyssey (Jay even says that it's not! he's simply inspired by the Odyssey) and it feels like high quality fanfiction of the Odyssey (FUN! JOYOUS WHIMSY! I still like it! :3 ).
But holy shit, like, both Epic AND Tagamemnon fans can be so fucking exhausting. (I am a fan of both. I can say this.)
(Obviously I'm not talking about everyone. <3 I've made many friends and have met lovely people in both fandoms.)
Like while yes, Epic!Odysseus isn't coerced/raped by either of the goddesses, that's simply because of the fact that Jay simply felt like he wasn't well equipped to handle such dark topics to that extent. And I honestly respect him for that! He knows his limits with the story he wanted to tell and that's good! And in general I think he did a fantastic job handling the aspects of it he did touch on (Coercion with Circe's threatening in "There Are Other Ways" is done well imo.)
(ngl, I kind of take back what I said about "Not Sorry for Loving You". I think a lot of my reaction was initially from my fear of how fandom would react. But I've been delightfully surprised seeing how (for the most part) Epic Fandom has really come through to show the "fucked up-ness" of that song)
THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT ODYSSEUS IN THE ODYSSEY IS A SHITTIER HUSBAND BECAUSE HE, IN THE ANCIENT TEXT, CANNOT SAY NO TO A GODDESS.
Greek Mythology isn't like Percy Jackson where 12 year old Percy beat Ares. (I was a PJO KID TOO!) It's not "Odysseus didn't try hard enough" fucking victim blaming btw because HE LITERALLY CANNOT REFUSE OR THEN HE'LL (AND HIS FRIENDS IN THE CASE OF CIRCE) WOULD DIE!!!
Like I wrote a whole ass essay on Circe's Situation (I feel so preachy and shitty about having to constantly bring it up but I will as much as I have to to get people to listennnn) and in general, if you can't see what's happening with Calypso, you've got your head up your ass and/or are just looking away because you don't like the actual implications of what's happening. For the main "gripe" I've seen with Calypso with how "He enjoyed her company at first", @lyculuscaelus has a great essay breaking that down.
And before? ODYSSEUS HAS NO LISTED CONCUBINES! And he brings up Penelope often in the Iliad!
And the whole "lying about being assaulted", I'm sorry but if someone is holding the "Men were so sexist that they couldn't possibly care about the women in their lives or have been victims" idea, then why would Odysseus willfully share that he was raped by women? Who, as they say, were viewed beneath him? Why would he lie about something that would put him in such a humiliating light?
Btw, Menelaus (sealy boy!!!) even says that he's being held captive by Calypso with what he learned from Proteus! Menelaus isn't known for telling stories!
I feel bad as like, I used to LOVE going into the tags and finding creators I haven't seen before and cheering them on! Art and Fics and yay! But like... It's sometimes so disheartening going in there and seeing nonsense or bad takes ;~;
Honestly, as much as I DO enjoy Epic, I think that hopefully once the hype dies down a lil, it'll chill out more :') We'll all be okay!
#aaaaaaaaaa#I've been meaning to write a#“Epic and Odyssey Odysseus both utterly adore Penelope. It's just that one is a modern musical and one is an ancient poem” essay thing#because like. I've also seen shit about how “I like Epic Better-” (fine. you do you.) “-because Odysseus actually loves Penelope in it”#WHAT?!#nuh uh. absolutely not >:(#odysseus#odyssey#epic the musical#odypen#anti madeline miller#anti circe#<-just in case#tagamemnon#greek mythology#Mad rambles#Mad rants#essay#kinda???#shot by odysseus#ask#anon#tele-GONE-y#I feel a bit bad. I hope I don't come off as like a “know-it-all” and/or like aggressive with these rants but I just get frustrated ;~;#tw rape mention
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Survival In Game
Cho Hyun-ju x Autistic!Fem!Reader
Another chapter of survival in game is out, I hope you enjoy it! In the next chapter, I promise more development of the relationship between Hyunju and the reader.
I would like to write for other characters, any ideas in mind?
Part 2
When the music began to play through the speakers, waking everyone up, you started to wiggle your fingers, a rhythmic and soothing movement you made to calm yourself. The first thing you saw was Hyun-ju stretching. A smile escaped her lips as you watched her. It was hard to explain, but in a short time, you had grown deeply attached to her.
— Attention, please. The second game will begin soon. Follow your team's instructions and head to the game hall quickly.
The robotic female voice echoed, and instinctively, you positioned yourself next to Hyun-ju. Unlike the people you had been around in the past, she didn’t seem bothered by your proximity. On the contrary, she smiled reassuringly, allowing you to get closer. That simple gesture filled your heart with joy, to the point where, for a few minutes, you forgot about the looming risk of death.
— How are you feeling? — Hyun-ju asked, concerned. Yesterday, you had a strong episode, the game environment pushing you to your limit, and she was genuinely worried.
— A little nervous, but overall, I’m fine. Thank you for yesterday. — You said, looking down, unable to meet her gaze at that moment. The weight of your anxiety was still there, but her words had been a foundation in the middle of the storm.
— No need to thank me, I’m just happy you're feeling better. And don’t worry, I’ll be by your side today in the game. I’ll do everything I can to help you. — She said kindly, her soft and comforting tone bringing you instant relief. Sometimes, she seemed so calm and strong, but you knew there were times when she had her own struggles. You wanted to say that she could count on you too, but the words got stuck in your throat.
You looked at her, your heart tight with the desire to reciprocate, to be her support too. Your eyes met hers for a brief second, and you felt a warmth growing in your chest. Maybe today would be the day things would be different. Maybe, just as she had always been by your side, you would also be strong enough to stand by hers.
When you arrived at the vast court, you looked around for clues about the game, noticing a rainbow drawn on the floor. You felt a slight excitement upon seeing the vibrant colors, always enjoying observing small details that others might overlook.
— Players, welcome to the second game. It will begin soon. This game will be played in teams. Please form groups of five within the next ten minutes.
You turned to Hyun-ju and found her gaze fixed on you. She extended her hand hesitantly, which you delicately took, almost as if you were made of glass. Hyun-ju was always careful with you, respecting your limits. That care warmed your heart.
— We need three more people. — She said, and you nodded, glancing around. The first challenge was right in front of you.
You walked through the court, trying to talk to some groups, but you were rejected. Even though this was a common situation for you, Hyun-ju's presence by your side made it all a little more bearable.
— Attention, the team selection period will end soon.
The robotic voice warned again. It was then that a man and a lady stopped in front of you.
— Would you like to… — Do you need…
The sentences came out simultaneously from their mouths, but they were interrupted by an arrogant voice, making you jump in shock.
— You insolent fools! How dare you? — The woman, who had caught your attention before, approached with an arrogant expression. — You should’ve come directly to me. Instead, I had to search for you? What an insult! I should cut you to pieces with a straw cutter!
You didn’t like her, but you knew there weren’t many options left. With time running out, you needed one more person to complete the group. Hyun-ju gently squeezed your hand, a silent gesture of support. Even amidst the chaos, you found comfort in the special bond you had with her.
— The team selection period has ended. Today’s game will be a Six-Legged Pentathlon. Team members will begin with their legs tied together. Every ten meters on the track, one team member will play a mini-game. If that player wins, the team can proceed to the next challenge.
You thought about what the mini-games could be. If it was Ddakji, you would have a good chance of doing well.
— The mini-games are as follows: Game one, Ddakji. — You silently celebrated when you heard this. — Game two, Flying Rock. Game three, Gong-gi. Game four, Spinning Top. And finally, game five, Jegi. You will have five minutes. To win, you must complete all mini-games and cross the finish line before time runs out. Now, decide which player will be assigned to each mini-game.
— What are you good at? — The man identified as number 007 asked.
— I’m good at Ddakji, I used to play a lot as a kid, — you said shyly.
— That’s great, I can play Jegi, — Hyun-ju added.
— What do you think? — 007 asked the shaman, who murmured something inaudible, not responding directly.
The game began, and everyone was tense, anxious about what was to come. You waited for the other teams to start, watching each move closely, secretly hoping they would succeed. Hyun-ju, by your side, discreetly cheered with every successful play.
However, the timer advanced relentlessly, and your team was still far from completing the task. When the time reached zero, the deafening sound of gunshots echoed through the environment. You jumped in shock, your heart racing. Instinctively, you moved closer to Hyun-ju, who immediately wrapped her arms around you, protecting you from the horror around.
Although you had witnessed other deaths before, you could never get used to it. It was always painful to see lives taken so abruptly, and the sound of the gunshots seemed to pierce your ears. Hyun-ju noticed the impact it had on you and gently covered your eyes, preventing you from seeing the scene. Her kindness brought immense relief.
— It’s okay, it’s over, — she murmured with a soft and soothing voice. You slowly lifted your face, meeting her gaze. There was a tenderness in her eyes that made your heart slow down… but only for a moment, as it soon began to beat faster, this time for an entirely different reason.
You noticed her features. Since the moment you first saw her, you knew Hyun-ju was beautiful. But now, seeing the details of her face so closely, you felt your heart race, as a new and confusing feeling grew inside you. The heat rose to your face almost instantly. Hyun-ju noticed the blush on your cheeks and smiled gently, as if she wanted to reassure you even more.
In that moment, you felt protected. For a brief moment, it seemed like all the cruelty of that place was far away. — Will the next two teams please rise.
Everyone stood up. You hesitated for a few seconds, looking at Hyun-ju as she tied her hair. The movement was hypnotizing. You decided you would give your best, not only for yourself but also for her. She looked at you with an encouraging smile, but you avoided eye contact for too long, feeling uncomfortable with the intensity.
— You’ll do great, I believe in you, — Hyun-ju said, and you responded with a faint smile, still scared, but calmer with her words. Her tone of voice was reassuring, almost like a soft melody that helped you focus.
— It will be okay, — you murmured, trying to convince yourself. Repeating the phrase helped organize your thoughts.
— That’s right. I’m Jang Geum-ja, and I lived through the Korean War, so I know a few playground games won’t kill me, — said the lady on your team, trying to encourage herself. — All right, come on. Let’s do this together, we can win this.
You nodded, agreeing.
— Yeah, and I’m the son of Jang Geum-ja, who is a survivor. Park Yong-sik. Hi, — he introduced himself, and you smiled faintly at him. — And you? Your name is?
— Seon-nyeo, — the shaman replied, her voice faltering and trembling a little. — Shaman of the sea.
— Team, listen up. We can get through this together, okay? Let’s show all the other Players here that these games are nothing to us. I know we can do it, — Hyun-ju said encouragingly. You took a deep breath, gathering all the courage you had. The feeling of having your life on the line made you uneasy, but her words were an anchor.
— Team 3 and Team 4, get ready to play.
The voice echoed again. The chain tied to your feet was deeply uncomfortable, every pressure heightening your anxiety. But the fear of death was stronger, and yet, the physical discomfort distracted you. Everyone gathered their arms, preparing. You were far from Hyun-ju, which seemed like a problem because she gave you a confidence you didn’t have on your own. The shot rang out, signaling the start of the match, and you began to walk.
You took the paper, nervously spinning it in your hands, searching for the best way to throw it. The repetitive stimulation helped you focus, but the noise around you bothered you. You threw it on the ground, but it didn’t flip.
— Fail, — the voice announced, making you take a deep breath, while the fear grew.
— It’s okay, try again, — Geum-ja said, trying to encourage you. You tried again, but the paper didn’t flip.
— What are you doing? Pick it up and throw it! — the shaman exclaimed, irritated, which only made things worse. Anxiety began to take over, your fingers moving involuntarily, trying to find a rhythm to calm you.
— It’s okay, you said you played a lot when you were a kid, right? So you know how to do this. Breathe and try again, — Hyun-ju said calmly, trying to calm you. You looked at her and nodded, your hands trembling slightly. You took a deep breath and threw it again, watching the paper spin in the air.
— Success, — the voice announced, and everyone cheered. You sighed in relief and moved on to the next phase. The palms of your hands were sweaty, but the relief was greater.
Now it was the shaman’s turn. She was visibly nervous, making repeated mistakes.
— The gods of heaven and earth chose to abandon us, — she whispered.
— She’s lost her mind, — Geum-ja commented, worried. Your heart raced. The fear was imminent. She couldn’t give up.
— We are all going to die… — the shaman was interrupted by a slap to the face, followed by another. Hyun-ju held her firmly, pointing the spinning top at her.
— If you give up now, I’ll kill you before any of your damn gods can, — Hyun-ju said, trembling with anger. You had never seen her like this. She had always been sweet and delicate, but now she seemed strong and determined. Anyone else would have scared you, but not Hyun-ju. — Now do it! — she ordered, handing her the toy. The woman threw the top, which finally spun.
— Success, — the voice announced, and you jumped with happiness, along with all the other players.
Now it was Hyun-ju’s turn. She looked at you, gathering courage.
— No one watch me, okay?
— What? — the others murmured, confused.
— Please, — she insisted, and everyone obeyed, turning their faces. — You too, everybody turn, don’t look! — She said to the spectators.
She began. Five kicks. She did it. You turned around and saw her looking at you. Smiling, and celebrating together, moving quickly toward the finish line.
When they finally removed the shackles, the pain and discomfort in your legs didn’t matter. You just wanted to hug her, and she was already waiting for it. You hugged her, feeling her sigh and hold you tightly, as if she wanted to make sure you were there.
— We did it! — you said, nestled in her arms.
— We did it— she repeated, burying her face in your hair. The sweet scent you exuded seemed to soothe her, relieving some of the tension.
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hi! i love ur fics :)
can you pls do the "a word from you about this and i'll set you on fire" but with pegging! >:D
KIDD; switching roles?
words: 1589 dialogue: "a word from you about this and i'll set you on fire." warning/s: no actual p3gging it's just suggestive in here :), fem reader, nsfw 🔞
eustass kidd has always and will always be the dom. ever since you two met, he had always carried himself with much assertion. always the abrasive one, refusing to be second to nothing nor to no one. and you find that hot, really hot when he takes the lead befitting of a captain of his ship. or when he's got everything covered and taken care of and all that's left for you to do is sit pretty in his lap. or when he knows how to put you on your place with just one glance.
that's why even now that you two got together, it had always been like that. you're not one to be docile, which is one of the things he loved about you, but it feels nice to be under his command. to be under him and act according to him. and you two agreed to it. he likes to always be in charge so it's no problem.
but all it takes is for you to take his place and he suddenly sees the world in a different lens. neither had you two to thought about it but what if you were the dom for once?
a knot got stuck in kidd's throat and he was a coughing mess when your body pressed way too hard onto his back and you caged him from behind with both of your arms by the bar table just as the ship jolted. and then it suddenly smelled like burning charcoal. it's that fucking engine again acting up.
kidd was steaming. the grip on the handle of his mug was about to break apart from how hard he was holding it. because it's as if a switch flipped in his head and he was rock fucking hard it was actually painful keeping it in his pants.
it began when you were just taking a stroll on the victoria, near the bar and kidd was settled on one of the stools, having a drink for himself.
"killer! can you make me a mojito?" killer who was busy wiping off the mugs he previously washed gave you a cordial nod, setting the mugs down to get on with your request. you passed by your captain, both of you minding your own business.
"maaan, i've been on that carburetor for a while now. i'm exhausted." you sighed stretching to reach the skies as your sides hurt.
"yeah, i'll get that changed up when we dock at some port." kidd responded, taking a sip of his scotch. he figured you just returned from fixing up the ship engines and remembered he also had to fix something up too.
"well get on with it, unless you want a rollercoaster of a ship." you huffed, leaning by the ship railings to have a whiff of the salty, sea breeze. "i somehow made it viable until tomorrow, just enough for your birthday, love."
"here's the mojito, name." killer called out, placing your glass next to kidd.
as you were approaching to get it, the ship jolted and you lost balance. you had to grab support, almost toppling over as you caged kidd on his seat with your hands by his sides placed on the high table of the bar.
"it's fucking up again?! for fuck's sake i told you ruffians to clean up the oil otherwise the ship will jolt." you berated the rookies who had just emerged from the engine room.
at that moment, kidd looked over you and the world stopped once again for him. he took in the sight of you with dried up grime and sweat. minor swipes of soot in your cheeks down to your neck. kidd could smell you, the tiredness and the sweltering of your body. it somehow fucked him up no matter how disgusting it sounds.
"i'll take care of it fast, yeah?" you told kidd before placing a kiss on his cheek. already barking out commands on what to do and who must do it as you headed down the engine room.
kidd had a good amount of silence on the outside but his head was fucking screaming, whining at the thought of you. you were so fucking hot. what if you were the one barking orders at him? you take charge for once and put him in his place? this must be what you feel towards him all the time. desperately want to be told what to do.
kidd shook his head and laughed dumbly, as if he'd ever admit all of that.
"something the matter, kidd?" killer broke out, sensing his bestfriend in the middle of a warzone despite the quiet demeanor he projects. "missing name so soon?"
"shut up, killer." kidd said through gritted teeth.
"i have never found you in such a helpless situation that you actually had a boner because name got too close." killer snorted, he had to put the mugs down because of how he was laughing too much.
kidd grew annoyed that he was right, he had to excuse himself to his quarters just to take care of his mess. that is until you caught him pleasuring himself on your side of the bed when a couple of hours had passed.
"hey baby i'm finally do...ne." you almost tripped over yourself, barging in only to see kidd's head thrown so far back, his grip on his cock tight as he drowned in the smell of your pillow. it didn't even seemed like he heard you. you kicked the door shut silently, feeling ecstatic at the sight of him like this.
"f-fuck! what the fuck, name?!" kidd hid himself with the comforter, burning red at the sight of you before him as you crossed your arms with a nasty grin on your face. "how long have you been there?! coulda gave me a heads up or some shit, fuckin' hell." kidd was blurting out curses one after the other, but really, he was just flustered.
"i could very well leave the damn engines to one of my guys and have a little break ourselves, but what made you so selfish enough to keep all the fun to yourself?" you pulled your sweaty shirt off your body and tossed it elsewhere in his room.
kidd gulped, because somehow he sees you differently. like you're assertive and it made more blood rush to his cock it felt like it'd implode. he couldn't do anything but gawk at you, eyes trailing down your sweaty breasts glistening from the faintly lit lamp beside him.
you knelt down and flipped your hair behind you. normally, kidd would grab a fistful of it and start fucking your throat. but kidd was anything but normal, he melted when you got busy slurping him up. all he could do was bury his face in your pillow. it made you let go and confront him about it.
"hey, is everything okay?" you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. you tapped on his lap but he still wouldn't respond. "are you sulking because i've been busy? sorry, bab-"
"it ain't fuckin' that." he said through the muffled pillow. you sat at the same edge of the bed to face him. "forget it." he stood up and pulled his pants up, he was still hard but he walked it off to the bathroom.
you caught his wrist and tried pulling him back. "kidd, baby, let's talk. we haven't had the chance to today, love. come on, please?" you pulled him a little more before he finally gave in and had sat beside you. "just tell me what's wrong."
"i'm still hard. i wasn't gettin' turned on , you know why? because you want me to fuck you. and i want you to fuck me." he blurted out, cheeks embarrassingly as crimson as his hair. "t-that thing you brought up a while back, p-pegging was it." he refused to look you in the eye as he said with crossed arms.
you tried fighting off the smile in your lips as you pressed them together so as to not embarrass him. "so you finally want to give it a shot, huh? what's the big idea about it?"
"see this is why i wanna shut up abou-" he was about to stand up in annoyance but you laughed a little and pulled him once more.
"alright alright. we won't get into the details." you kept the laugh in you but your smile still is very much wide. "i'll just take a shower and we'll do something about it-"
"no." kidd finally looked at you, vehement in his protest.
"what do you mean no?" you tilted your head in perplexity.
"bathe after we do it or somethin'." he looked away again, ears red as fuck. then you got it, like a bell rung in your ears.
"okay, you know what? this new side of you couldn't have come to light at a better time because," you bent down to reach for a box underneath the bed, still on your side.
you unearthed a black box and it was full of strap ons and what ever else women use to dom and the like. "this is your present for tomorrow!"
kidd felt faint, he felt like he was gonna die. from the colossal size of those dildos to the handcuffs and other freaky devices he had no idea what's the use for. but his cock was way too excited for it. "a word from you about this and i'll set you on fire."
thank you for the request anon! i hope i atleast did your req justice TT 🌷
omg i think i kinda fumbled this one :c i really dk how to write pegging LMAOFOAOFSFSH maybe i'll try again with another post lmk if i should make a part 2 TT
happiest bday to my baby, my wife, my husband, my daddy🌷 his fic is boutta come soon istg
if you're interested for my 500 follower event, it's still open for requests you can check out this post
#manga#one piece#anime#eustass kidd#cha writes#eustass kid#one piece headcanons#one piece x reader#eustass kid x reader#eustass kid headcanons#eustass captain kidd#eustass kidd x y/n#eustass kidd scenarios#eustass kidd headcanons#eustass kidd x you#eustass kidd x reader#eustass kid x y/n#eustass kid x you#eustass kid smut#one piece eustass kid#eustass kidd smut#one piece x female reader#one piece x y/n#one piece x you#one piece smut
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just wanted to say i loved both 'slave' fics! idk if you're continuing it but please do! they were so interesting!
“Slave” PT.3
Jinx x F!Reader
WARNINGS:Cursing.
WC:554
NOTE:Not proofread. This is Jinx’s POV of the situation. ALSO THIS WILL HAVE 2 MORE PARTS.
Normally, the hum of her gadgets and the constant chatter in her head drowned out the loneliness. But tonight, even the voices were quiet. Even Fishbones seemed heavier in her hands as she sat on the cold, grease-streaked floor.
“Why’d you leave, huh?” she whispered to no one, her knees drawn up to her chest. Her fingers toyed with the trigger, not out of malice, but habit. She wasn’t going to fire. Not this time.
The question bounced around her head, louder than anything else. She tried to answer it, tried to twist it into something she could understand, but all she got was static.
They’d told her it was too much—she was too much. That she didn’t know how to stop. That loving her felt like standing on a bomb, waiting for it to go off.
But Isha looks at Jinx with displeasure. Like she was trying to tell her “Hey! Why the fuck would you chase out my other mother who actually took care of me?!”
Jinx had laughed then. It was her first mistake. The second was saying, “You look like everyone else.”
Isha’s face had gone tight, jaw clenched so hard Jinx thought it might snap. Then she left. Just like that. No explosions, no fireworks, not even the sound of the door slamming.
Now, no one called her. No one sat cross-legged on the floor while she worked, tossing her bits of scrap metal and asking endless questions. No one hummed under their breath when they thought she wasn’t listening.
Jinx hated it. Hated you.
But she didn’t hate you. Deep down she knew that hate she had for you was her missing you.
Her stomach twisted, and she choked on the sour taste of it. She could fill a hundred walls with your name, a thousand blueprints with sketches of your face, and it still wouldn’t be enough to make her forget.
She’d tried forgetting. Tried blowing it up. Burn it down, smash it apart, erase the memories like she erased everything else. It didn’t work.
The voices, they told her to move on, find someone else, something else to focus on. But the silence in the hideout told her the truth. She misses you, Isha, and Micheal.
“Isha,” she whispered into the quiet. The name tasted bitter and sweet at the same time. Like the candy Isha used to bring her, the ones Jinx pretended to hate but always finished.
Her pink eyes darted to the little pile of wires and broken circuits by the workbench. Isha had left her gloves there once, and Jinx never threw them away. They were still draped over the edge, the leather worn and soft.
Jinx wasn’t sorry. Not really.
And that was the problem.
Fishbones slipped from her hands with a dull clunk as she folded in on herself, forehead pressed against her knees. She stayed like that, curled up in the quiet, like maybe if she got small enough, the world wouldn’t notice her anymore.
For a moment, she imagined Isha walking through the door. Her sharp eyes, her steady voice—both somehow managing to make Jinx feel like she wasn’t completely broken. Like someone had stitched all the cracks together, even if just for a moment.
But the door didn’t open.
And Jinx knew, deep down, it never would.
HEYY!!!
I’m kinda happy how this part turned out!!! I’m currently trying to finish this before midterms😰😰😰 AND To write another series which I was passionate abt.
ANYWAYS
I want food and sleep
#arcane x reader#arcane x y/n#arcane x you#x reader#x you#jinx#jinx arcane#jinx league of legends#x y/n#jinx lol#jinx x y/n#jinx x reader#arcane
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By this point the pair were now close to the docks. The traffic began to grow less and less as time went on. Only when they reached the waterfront did Xever finally bring the bike to a stop. The pair had talked a lot on the way here, Xever honestly felt lighter since he had admitted some stuff he had kept hidden for a the longest time. Something about Fly rang true to him in some respects. Like they were both jaded souls who the world just seemed to keep crapping on. Xever had to wonder where they went wrong, if there was something the pair could have done to make their lives better. Were they doomed to just be the punchingbags of this world while other far more deserving people got off scot free? Xever wasn't sure.
"Everyone has their own views, hard to tell sometimes what people truly want. They hide their intentions, because sometimes admitting to something they don't want to admit to is harder than just trying to push that truth away from yourself. I admit that I have a hardtime being honest with people. I felt like I couldn't be honest, because that is weakness and to appear weak on the streets is tantamount to death. You can't leave anything that can be used against you."
Not even from those you might feel connected to. You can't even show them your weaker side because they depend on you. And if they saw that you too weren't as strong as you protray yourself to be then would they still hold you in that same regard? Xever saw so much of himself within Superfly or parts of himself at the very least.
"Maybe, they turned on you because they felt like they saw a side of you that scared them. A side you never felt confident to show them. I did that to someone I took care of and well I did something I couldn't take back. I regret that, because that person was the only person I ever truly cared about which was hard enough being the loner than I am. I can't ever have that connection with them anymore because the side of me they saw was far too ugly. I got way too mad, I said things I did things, it was partly the turtles fault too. As they often are with most things that went wrong with my life here."
Xever felt like he was maybe digging too deep here. He had only just met this guy, but this pile of emotions felt so akin to his own he couldn't help but look into Superfly and see a mirror.
"I could be wrong though, I am not a good person. And despite that I still want to say sorry to the other person. But, even saying sorry might not be enough because they saw something ugly inside me. We can't have what we had anymore, because that side is exposed now. They see it and it will always be there reminding them of it. Tell me, did you hide parts of yourself from your family? Did you feel like there were certain things you couldn't say to them? Because they relied on you? And if they knew you were scared they wouldn't view you the same? How often did you ever let down your guard around them? Show them how vulnerable you were? How much bravado did you project? And how much of it was real? Because I did the same thing, and it builds up in you until it explodes. The turtles feel more like they are the thing that causes that explosion. It is their fault, but how much of the problem was lingering there before they blew it up?"
This was something that Xever realised long after everything was over. He still hated the turtles, they were the source of his woes. But with Mondo, how much of it was simply issues within himself that he kept hidden? If he had been more honest or tried to show his emotions more clearly Mondo might not hate him now.
"This is the place..."
SUPERFLY CONTINUES TO quietly listen as Xever proceeds onwards with his explanation. ‘The world is a cesspool,’ indeed. Seems even for a former human as himself, Xever still understands just how much this world takes from people like them. How uncaring it could be. It took away someone very important to him, and even if he did still have people, it left him in a position of taking care of others and protecting them when he had needed that himself ( not that he would ever admit to such a thing ). It does admittedly ease his mind to know that they have a mutual understanding of that much.
Red hues reflect the bright lights as they drive past them, dimmed only by his brows continuing to knit together while Xever delves into the condition of his most recent form. He supposes he could understand the initial disdain he had for becoming a fish. Frankly, had Xever not specified that he prefers being this way now, Superfly would’ve assumed that he hated it the same way humans seemed to hate mutants. After all, he could understand how perhaps being a fish was as undesirable as being a fly ( he’d admit, it crossed his mind to wonder how much their Stockman enjoyed being one. But he’s trying not to think about it, because the thought of his father being a fly like him feels…WRONG, confessedly ).
Even without pupils, the slight movement of his head indicated that his gaze shifted to the air tank when the fish mutant confessed that he would DIE without it. A shiver involuntarily went down the fly’s spine at such a cruel thought. And his mind wanders to his own aquatic sibling, and he has to shake it lest he feel ill. “ That sounds awful, “ he says bluntly. Maybe Xever’s gotten used to it and doesn’t care, but even for someone like Superfly who had to do a lot to survive, it just sounds…unfortunate. But the statement applies to everything else he’s said too, especially the notion of having no autonomy over one’s own life.
“ My dad had fought t’ keep us from bein’ controlled and caged. It cost him his life. So I’m sure you can imagine just how much I despise the idea. “ It’d be no different than if the man had died for nothing, as far as he was concerned. The fly hesitates to share details about himself, but considering how much Xever decided to tell him just now, it only seemed right to return the favour.
“ Humans took his life. Turned on one of their own just ‘cause he was the only one who gave a damn about us. Then fourteen years later, some humans tried t’ kill me and my siblings. I nearly beat one of ‘em t’ death just to protect ‘em. “And myself, he decides not to add. He doesn’t like talking about what happened when he put himself between his family and that man, what happened when he caught up to him with his bat. It made Superfly feel small and he HATED that. “ After that, I realized life was never gonna be safe so long as humans were around. I still think that. My folks…wound up disagreeing for reasons I couldn’t freakin’ begin t’ tell you. After everything I did to protect them, they just…TURNED ON me in favour of the same people that hurt us. All ‘cause those turtles got it in their heads that humans are all that.Ridiculous. “
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