#it feels a similar kind of disrespectful to be told. no i cant change. and to actually believe them.

[notquiteaghost]

a problem with living with someone who is in mental health crisis but refuses to admit it is how. obviously crisis can happen to anyone, for any reason. but they had a somewhat stressful job & are experiencing unmanaged adhd household hell. and yknow to contrast it against. one year of living with a violent controlling cunt + four years of incredibly precarious financial instability + pre-existing cptsd & ocd. four years of living with a violent controlling cunt + pre-existing cptsd. same one year of living with a violent controlling cunt + pre-existing cptsd + six years of inescapable worry over a loved one's mental health. like it isnt a competition but if it was they would. lose. it is making me very like a snarling dog how this house was supposed to be Finally A Living Situation That Won't Make Anyone Suicidal and yet here we are once again being upset by someone who won't change their behaviour

[kn1feinthec0ffee]

only angel - roman godfrey

roman godfrey x reader

title from the harry styles song of the same name

disclaimer: i’m not trying to distract from what’s going on by posting my work. that would never be my intent. times are trying, and i’m simply trying to provide some sort of entertainment or something to do with your time. i’m not fishing for any praise of any kind, i’m just putting my work out like i usually do. i love you all and please stay safe.

notes: in other news, if you haven’t noticed, i have a posting schedule now. it used to be every friday somewhere around midday, but that wasn’t really doing much with the algorithm, so i changed it to midday thursday. and i’ll be taking a week off next week bc i’m getting my wisdom teeth removed then. (which i’m incredibly anxious about) so if i go awol for a little while, that’s why. 

also, i have almost no knowledge of alcohol! and i don’t drink! so if i don’t have some commonly known drink or bartender knowledge, please forgive me.

***********

“i’ll take an old fashioned, please.” a woman asked politely, flashing her pearly whites.

“one apple martini with no olive,” a man requested.

“can i get a scotch on the rocks?” a man with a gruff voice asked. 

you were new to this job, but you had a bit of experience, both on the bartender end and the bar attender end. you quite liked this job; the customers were fairly friendly, and you were in a much less seedy part of town than the last dive bar you worked at. you didn’t mind it, though, it gave you your thick skin, something you need in a profession like this. 

you also liked this job better because you weren’t alone. this joint in particular had more bar space than seating space, so they commissioned two bartenders to work instead of just the one. the first few days you were a little rusty, not having worked in a while, but the two of you quickly got into the swing of things. 

his name was roman godfrey, heir to the godfrey fortune, who had a much different story on how he became a bartender. coming from such a wealthy family, he of course inherited the highest position at godfrey tower, which he quickly realized was way too much work for him to handle. roman had transformed from a spoiled rich brat to someone who had more respect for people who actually had to work to keep themselves afloat, and you’d say it changed him for the better. 

somewhere along the line he’d developed a respect for women, too, probably coming from some prior bartending experience. you admired him for that, mostly because you’d hate to work with the man he used to be. 

another reason you enjoyed working with him so much was the fact that his name was so well known across the entire state of pennsylvania that nobody really liked to fuck with him. they’d much rather stay on his peaceful side, because some, more than others, had seen his aggravated side before and were not too terribly inclined to see it again. this came in handy for you when a situation similar to tonight’s had arose.

it was a stormy night, much like many spring evenings. the bar was packed tighter than usual since it was raining much too hard for anyone to leave. it was nearing last call, and you and roman were trying to close up, much to the dismay of the customers. as you were starting to stack some glasses, a greasy older man sauntered up to the bar, plopping right down on the barstool you’d just cleaned.

“i’ll take a gin and tonic, and make it snappy, i’ve gotta get home,” the man demanded, tone devoid of any politeness. “and it’d do you some good to button that up a few more times.” he gestured to your uniform that had the first couple buttons undone to show some cleavage.

“excuse me?” you stammered, flabbergasted at his frankness. you paused what you were doing, frozen in shock.

“you heard me. now make me that drink, bitch, or i’ll climb over this fucking bar and make it myself.” the man insisted.

“you have no right to say that to me.” you defended. “this is my uniform, and if it makes me more comfortable to unbutton it, then i will. i don’t need input from people like you, and you certainly don’t deserve a drink for acting like that. we’re closing anyway, it’s too late.”

you’d handled customers like this before, but they tended to be much less blatant about their sexism and disrespect than this man was. you had started drying the glasses and putting them away at a much faster pace just to get this insistent man off your ass.

“come on, no ones over here, what’s it gotta take for a guy to get a drink?” the man’s inebriation became much more obvious now as he grabbed your forearm as you reached for another glass.

“let go of me!” you shrieked, much louder than you intended. this caught the attention of quite a few other customers and, of course, roman, who quickly made his way over to you.

“exactly what the fuck do you think you’re doing here, huh?” he growled, setting his piercing gaze on the man, who quickly unhanded you.

“i asked her very kindly if she would please make me a drink, and she said no.” he swallowed nervously, the mere presence and power seeping off of roman intimidating him.

“it didn’t sound very kind to me, man. i didn’t hear any fucking ‘please and thank you’s over here.” roman replied, trying to keep his calm with the man that he wanted to hypnotize into slamming his head on the bar.

the man stayed silent, his cocky asshole persona fading into fear at the hands of mr godfrey. roman nodded at his compliance and subtly placed a hand on top of yours on the glass you were holding.

“alright sir, if you would please kindly,” he put a strong emphasis on the word. “stop bothering my friend, get the fuck out of our bar, and head the fuck home, it would be much appreciated.”

as if entranced, the man pulled his jacket back up on his shoulders, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking straight into the rainstorm.

roman looked down at you and smiled his signature grin. usually that’d have your heart melting like a popsicle on a hot summer day, but you weren’t in the mood for it. the scowl on your face told him everything he needed to know.

“why the face? what did i do?” he asked genuinely. he had learned not to skip straight to defending his actions, finding that asking what his mistake was and how to fix it was a method much more popular with the ladies.

“you should’ve let me handle that myself.” you frowned, unhappy with the situation at hand.

“what? why would i do that?” he asked incredulously. “i’m not just gonna stand by and watch that cretin of a man treat you like that!”

“i know, and i thank you for that. your heart was in the right place, but you shouldn’t have stepped in.” you began. “for the longest time, almost every profession has been male-dominated, so us women get the short end of the stick when it comes to how we’re treated in the workplace.

“men have some sort of hero complex, thinking they can insert themselves into a situation they had nothing to do with and earn praise and thanks for their help that wasn’t asked for. men think that they can start confrontations with us and expect us to be silent and complient, to just sit there and take it because we’re not going to stand up for ourselves.” you watched the expression on his face morph to one of interest. “it was my situation, my job to deal with it, and my job to handle the repercussions, should there be any.

“men are accustomed to getting whatever they want, whenever they want it, and that’s got to change, and it starts with small things. small things like me, reprimanding that man for his actions and the way he spoke to me.” you took a breath. “i’m glad you recognized something was happening, but you should’ve only stepped in had things gotten more violent.”

roman looked stunned, almost like he’d gotten a slap across the face. you shouldn’t be surprised, this was usually the reaction you got from men when you tried to educate them on the trials and tribulations of women, but something was different. rather than shocked and confused as to why you would think that, he seemed more understanding of your struggles. sympathetic, even.

he stood still for a moment, as if he was a sponge absorbing all the information you’d dumped on him. “wow, i had no idea there was so much behind that. thank you for letting me know.”

“can i..?” his question trailed off as he leaned down towards you, lips meeting yours. you melted into his embrace, the weeks of yearning for this exact moment finally catching up to you. he started to pull away, but you stood on your tiptoes and chased his lips. you both pulled away breathlessly, lips wet and pink.

“wow, that was,” the rest of your thoughts fell short, but as you looked at roman it was apparent he had the same idea, whatever that may be.

“can i walk you home?” he asked, gathering his things. you nodded up to him, smiling sheepishly as he gently placed your jacket on your shoulders.

the two of you managed to close the bar for the night and fortunately, the rain had died down enough for you to head home. roman held his umbrella above both of you as you curled into his side to escape the cold chill of the rain.

he dropped you off at your place, turning to leave before you spun him around. you hopped up the first two steps and leaned down to kiss him again, easier this time since you were at his level. he smiled against you and kissed back fervently, placing a hand on the area between your neck and shoulder for some leverage.

you said your goodbyes, heading into your house, still feeling the tingling sensation where his hand was as you smiled giddily.

**********

ignore the ending i cant write endings it’s a problem

the feminist jumped out a bit sorry not sorry

i wrote almost all of this last night bc inspiration suddenly struck and i had to take advantage of it and this turned out waayyy longer than intended oopsie

tags: @emmyrosee @jadelynlace @copper-boom @babyboy-cody @goblincxnt @hecohansen31 @skrsgardspam @bill-skarsgard-owns-my-ass @little-grunge-flowerz @manicpixiedreamguurl

[justsomekpopstuff]

Protest (Youngbin College!AU)

Requested by @jin-hua

Pairing: Youngbin x Reader

MASTERLIST: to find it, just look up “justsomekpopstuff masterlist” on my blog, since external links still are not fixed. It should be in there. Sorry about the inconvenience!

student: Kim Youngbin

major: political science

Youngbin from his freshmen yeah was considered a natural-born leader

and obviously he therefore became considered the “leader” of the campus

he was voted student body president his sophomore year

so clearly everyone thinks he is more than capable enough as a leader

he helps out every year at freshman orientation because he knows how scary it can be to move up to college

he wants to make sure all the lil freshmen coming in don’t freak out too much

recruited both Inseong and Dawon  to help out as well because they definitely have the personality to make the younger ones feel welcome

also called the “campus dad” due to his dad-like personality

can and will take care of every single person on campus that is younger than him

they are his children

he must protect

due to his leadership and public speaking skills, he obviously chose political science as his major

president of the debate team on campus

already has an internship lined up for him after graduation too

because of all this, he is a very big rule follower

he likes doing things by the book and keeping things in order

however, even he had to admit that there were certain things about the way the campus was run that he still didn’t like

but because he didn’t want to compromise his position or disrespect the dean of the campus

that was, of course, until he met

he was in his dorm when he got a call from the Dean of Student Affairs

the Dean told him that there was a person standing in front of the student union holding up a sign “Education is corrupt, reform NOW” 

the Dean asked him then to talk to the student and get them to leave peacefully because they were being a “disturbance”

he really couldn’t say no to them, so he sighed and accepted, closing his notes and leaving his dorm

as he walked over to the student union where this student was, he thought to himself

he thought...maybe....he didn’t really want to stop them

he wasn’t really a fan of how the education takes advantage of its students with very little reward

and after all, you had a right to protest and make your opinion known as a student

so who was he to tell you to stand down?

he made his way to the student union to see you, standing there very stoic by the entrance with your sign in hand, just like the dean had said

you looked so strong and confident, Youngbin could hear his heart begin to beat in his ears

he walked up to you sheepishly, hands hidden in his pockets which was very different from his usual professional-looking demeanor to stand in front of you

“So...hi...the Dean of Student Affairs asked me to see if you would be willing to stand down...maybe?” he asked quietly

“No”

your response had made his heart beat even faster

you responded so quickly and with such power that he barely had time to think of a response

“Um...may I ask why...you’re doing this?”

“Isn’t it obvious,” you asked him with a slightly sarcastic tone. “The university is demanding more from its students than it is returning. They say they are preparing us for the future and yet give us nothing in return. There is no assurance that what we do here is going to bring us any kind of luck in the real world. On top of that, most students are being forced to pay more money and take more credits than they can handle leaving thim exhausted and in debt, and yet the university just keeps asking for more. It is time for that to change. Education should not come at the cost of mental and monetary exhaustion. That’s just the facts”

Youngbin definitely knew you had a point, and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he didn’t agree with you

you were proud and true to your word

you definitely had guts, and to be honest, stopping you was now the last thing that he wanted to do

however, he did make a commitment to the dean

so one last try was needed

“have you...tried talking to the dean...maybe?”

“i’ve tried to contact the dean every semester about changing the policy, and I have been ignored and blown off every single time. I’m done with not being listened to. Its time things changed, and I don’t care how long I have to stand out here until something does.”

“...Okay.”

Youngbin looked to your feet and saw extra signs sitting there, most likely made for other students that wished to join

he grabbed one that said something similar to yours and stood next to you quietly

“...What are you doing?” you asked

“Joining you. You have a good point, and I agree. And, if you cant beat them, join them”

“...aren’t you like, the head of student affairs or something?”

“your point being?” he looked at you with a questioning look on his face.

“...okay...”

the two of you stood there in confident silence, getting some looks from other students and faculty that passed by

that was, until an hour later when the campus police showed up and dragged the two of you to the dean of student affairs’ office

you two sat there in the uncomfortable chairs as the dean stared the two of you down with an angry look

the dean lectured the two of you for what felt like hours, talking about how inappropriate your actions were, and how they were especially disappointed in Youngbin, who was the leader of the campus

you honestly felt like you both were going to be suspended at the least

however, thankfully due to Youngbin’s position and good graces, the two of you were only sentenced to doing a work study in the student food court for two months, starting right after the both of you ended classes

the reasoning?

“maybe being an actual part of this campus will straighten you out”

you rolled your eyes once you were out of the office, but you had to admit you were glad you were not expelled

you were about to turn to Youngbin to talk to him when you heard the dean call him back into the office

you gave him a sorrowful look, and he gave you a look in return that told you he would be fine

you only hoped he was right

not wanting to be there for the aftermath, you went back to your dorm to get some rest before you had to start your sentence

the next day after your classes, you made your way to the restaurant you were assigned to work at

you met with the grumpy and tired looking manager as they gave you a rushed run through of the cafe, throwing an apron and hat at you before sticking you in front of a sink full of dishes

you sighed, knowing that you would be seeing this view for a while, and got to work

your silent labor, however, would be cut short because about an hour later, Youngbin was shoved in right next to you

“good to see you aren’t dead” you joked as he got to work on the other big stack of dishes 

“yeah, but I did get an extra earful of ‘you should be ashamed - a man of your position on campus?’ blah, blah, blah...” he trailed off as you chuckled

“well, you are their golden boy. They expect more from you than to ‘disobey the order’” 

“yeah, well sometimes the order needs to be changed. You said it yourself. Change has to happen eventually for the betterment of the campus. Sometimes it just takes on person to stand out”

“So what ended up happening?”

“Oh yeah they kicked me out of ASI for the rest of the semester”

you stopped and looked at him, feeling guilty that you had caused him to lose his position

“I am so sorry, this is all my fault...”

“I don’t regret it for a single second...and hey, they didn’t say anything about me re-running next semester” he smiled at you

“You sure this won’t like, throw your entire future out the window?”

“Even if it does, I still wouldn’t change a thing”

the two of you smiled at each other and got back to washing the dishes in a comfortable silence

It was pitch dark out by the time the two of you finished your work and were allowed to clock out

you were exhausted from standing all day and all you wanted to do was go back to your dorm and sleep for days - even though you had to repeat the same thing tomorrow

“Hey, its dark out, maybe I should accompany you back to your dorm?” Youngbin asked you

“If you want,” you replied

the two of you walked in silence again to the dorms, taking in the cool night air

“So, I was thinking...” Youngbin started as you began to near the buildings

“What?”

“I think you’re pretty cool, and you have a lot of good ideas...I’m interested in getting to know you some more...so maybe tomorrow, once we are done with our shift, we could, I don’t know...grab a late-night bite to eat? If you want...”

you chuckled as he slowly and awkwardly got his words out

“I would love to,” you smiled at him as the two of you reached your building’s doors

“Great,” Youngbin smiled at you. “It’s a date.”

“It certainly is”

needless to say, that night was the beginning of a very bright future for the two of you

Youngbin as a boyfriend is honestly a dream

like

he knows how to treat you RIGHT

he knows that you are passionate about respect and being treated as an equal

and he takes that into account regularly in your relationship, asking for your opinion on things and making sure he knows where your boundaries are

he trusts that you know how to take care of yourself

but there are still times when he will pamper you and take care of you

he also knows that if anyone wrongs him, you will have his back

and the person who wronged him will have to face your wrath

which is very comforting to him that he has a kick-ass s/o who can stand up for themselves

you and the boys lead the protest to get Youngbin back into ASI as the president

there’s flyers and banners and protests involved

and honestly he could feel the heart eyes intensifying

you found out that he had almost lost his internship due to the whole ASI thing

and you felt so guilty that you went down to the place to make a case for him 

needless to say they are now hiring both of you right after graduation

speaking of the boys

you become parent number 2 to the ragtag group

you make sure that they are being treated well and taking care of themselves

Youngbin also enlists your help to take care of the incoming freshman and make sure that they transition without too much trouble

you are essentially the campus power couple

and you wouldn’t have it any other way

[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

G O T 7 pt.4

"Hey kiddos!" Guerin called out in English as she entered the dorm for HEET. She had messaged them earlier that she would be stopping by. Having wrapped up breakfast with JB she had enough time to catch the boys and Eneoji before they left for work for the day.

"Noona!" Seungbin jumped up from the couch and ran to into entryway to greet her, the large white Samoyed hot on his heels. Guerin hugged the maknae in greeting then kneeled down to give her dog attention. The other five members of HEET made their way out to greet her as well. They all settled in the living room, Eneoji sprawled across both her and the typically nonexpressive Tobio next to her.

She listened as they caught her up on how everyone had been faring and some plans they had begun working on, including a possible World Tour now that they had gotten their first wins. It hadn't been long since their last promotions ended but they had all been working hard on preparing for the next comeback. Guerin asked them if she should take Eneoji home but Seungbin and Tobio asked to let her stay longer.

"Just let me know if your days get too long and you can't get away to take her out or you cant bring her to work. She needs the attention." Guerin cautioned.

"That time might be coming soon." Byoungjin said reasonably, but once he caught the pathetic expression from Seungbin he added, "But we have another couple days at least."

"I've been running with her everyday still! Sometimes people recognize us!" The American Gabriel said excitedly, "She's been giving out pawtagraphs." The pun had been a joke between him and Guerin but had become recognized fandom canon when he had let it slip in a vlive.

"Did Jackson ever make an appointment with you?" Minhwan asked suddenly, remembering his Sunbae reaching out to him.

"Yes he did, and his puppy is super adorable, we should absolutely schedule a playdate with MinNao and Eneoji." Guerin gushed.

"I haven't seen him in a while. It would be nice to see him again." Byoungjin said, happy at the prospect of meeting up with his fellow trainee.

"I met a few other people you guys know too. Mark Tuan and JB." Guerin said, though she opted to leave out that she had just gotten breakfast with the latter to avoid too many questions, "JB even came to see Mihi fly."

"I've head of JB. Doesn't he produce under the name Defsoul?" Tobio asked curiously.

"Yes, he helped me learn music composition and arrangement." Byoungjin answered, "How is he?" He turned to Guerin and she faltered.

"Ahh... we... he is nice but we kinda had a disagreement recently." She said honestly.

"What happened? Noona are you okay?" Seungbin sat up protectively.

"Yes I'm fine. He apologized." Guerin said, touched by the fifteen-year-old's reaction as she pinched his cheek, causing him to pout slightly.

"I'm not that surprised. JB was always a little hot headed." Minhwan frowned.

Guerin was shocked, "Hot headed? I would never have described him that way. I thought he was fairly laid back, even cute sometimes."

"Cute?" Minhwan coughed out a laugh, "Im Jaebeom? He hated aegyo!"

"No I dont mean aegyo." Guerin couldn't help but laugh at the idea of JB attempting full blown aegyo, "But he has... cute mannerisms? Like he puffs out his cheeks when he is thinking, or scrunches up his face when he teases, or plays up certain emotions when he gets excited." She tried to explain.

Byoungjin was looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing. You just described him very well." Byoungjin shrugged, clearly not telling the full truth.

"Yeah he had some of that too but he used to get mad and blow up a lot." Minhwan explained, "If he thought someone was being disrespectful, wasting time, not trying hard enough..." Minhwan flinched, "It wasn't fun being on the receiving end of that."

"I never would have guessed." Guerin said.

"Did you get yelled at a lot, Hyung?" Gabriel asked leader Minhwan, a slight cheeky quality to the inquiry.

"No, you rude punk." Minhwan answered back with even more sass, "But JB would have destroyed you. If you aren't careful I'll call him in to teach you a lesson." He threatened playfully, giving the younger man a couple pokes to the ribs, causing Gabriel to giggle and flinch away.

"JB had a rough childhood. His birth father wasn't a good person and he suffered for it. He talked about trying to change it. He was aware and he didn't want to be the kind of man that hurt his mom." Byoungjin said seriously. Minhwan and Gabriel looked chagrined. Everyone was quiet, unsure of what to say. Guerin processed the new information carefully, adding a bit more understanding to JB's personality.

"He must be working hard. It's not easy to overcome that kind of trauma." Tobio unexpectedly said. He wasn't as talkative as the others but when he did he had a habit of poignancy. The others nodded thoughtfully.

"What did you two fight about?" Seungbin asked suddenly.

"Oh... it's so embarrassing." Guerin hid her face in Eneoji's fur.

"Noonaaaaa, tell us!" Seungbin plied, pushing her gently and using full aegyo to get her to answer. She tried to avoid looking at him but he was too powerful.

"Okay fine." She pushed Seungbin away as he grinned in triumph and Gabriel cackled.

"He... asked me to sing a song he wrote." She said quietly.

"He asked you to sing?" Gabriel was floored.

"Noona we told you that you have a nice singing voice." Minhwan boasted. They had all spent time around her so they had heard her many times.

"Yeah but I'm not a professional. It's just for fun." She felt like she had to keep repeating it.

"Maybe he likes you." Gabriel said, then adding in English, "-likes you- likes you. Y'know?"

"Gabriel!" She said astonished, "Minhwan I can't reach, would you shove him for me."

"I don't know, he might have a point." Minhwan shrugged, trying not to laugh.

"Well he better not." Seungbin said making a face, "Noona you deserve someone nice."

"Don't speak ill of people you haven't met." Tobio scolded the youngest gently. Seungbin apologized and ducked his head. Guerin smiled fondly at the well intentioned boy before she caught another thoughtful expression on Byoungjin, who quickly blanked his face as soon as their eyes met. She didn't have a chance to question him before Minhwan changed the subject to talk about Mark and Jackson too and she forgot to bring it up again until after she had left.

"Charlie-ssi, have you eaten yet?" Jinyoung asked, coming up beside his favorite producer as she pored over a thick stack of notes.

"No, not yet..." she answered, distracted.

"That's silly, it's our meal break. Come eat with me." He said, taking a step back and gesturing toward the food truck that had been sent by his costars friends.

She glanced up, feeling regretful at having to say no to such a handsome man asking her to join him for a meal, "I can't, I want to finish this first. Besides, I'm on a diet, I wasn't going to eat anyway."

Jinyoung looked offended, "A diet?" He repeated blankly.

"Yeah, I've put on some weight and being around all these beautiful actors..." she trailed off realizing she might be oversharing.

Jinyoung shook his head disapprovingly, "Ridiculous. You're beautiful the way you are." He turned to walk away, muttering, "A diet."

She was frozen for a moment. Did Park Jinyoung just call her beautiful? She shook her head. It was probably just lip service. Still, it was disappointing not being able to eat with him. But she had eaten and drunk so much last night, she was feeling positively bloated. Shaking her head once more she turned back to her notes.

A few minutes later a plate of chicken with vegetable sides and half a cupcake was placed on the table in front of her. Looking up she saw Jinyoung settling in the chair next to her, holding a similar looking plate with the other half of the cupcake. She watched him in surprise as he nonchalantly settled in, picking up his chopsticks before meeting her gaze.

"Skipping meals is unhealthy. You should take care of your body and feed it well." His genuine smile made her heart race and she blinked to get her bearings. His smile turned slightly more mischievous as he reached over to break off a piece of cupcake with his chopsticks and raise it to her lips, "but a little treat every now and then is good too."

It took her a moment but she responded by opening her mouth and taking the bite, blushing and quickly looking around to see if anyone had seen. Jinyoungs smile took over his whole face, eyes crinkling as he turned happily back to his own meal. Charlie smiled too, then set aside her notes to dig in as well, talking with him as a few more crew members joined them at the table creating happy chatter during their break.

Guerin had met up with Jackson and MinNao for another training session, this one focusing on loose leash walking. Jackson and his puppy were both eager to learn and absorbed information, putting it into practice readily. The two humans chatted about training theory as they walked but it devolved into general chatter and joking around.

"Oh, why don't we get a coffee? MinNao can practice being calm and greeting people." Guerin suggested suddenly as they passed a shop with outdoor seating.

Jackson beamed, "That sounds great!"

"Go ahead and get seated. I'll order inside." Guerin pointed to a table on the patio.

"Wait, take my card." Jackson started to reach for his wallet.

"Nope! It's on me!" Guerin grinned and skipped away from him through the doors, ignoring his protests. He was left to make his way to the patio with his rotund red puppy. It wasn't long before Guerin reappeared with two iced Americanos, placing one in front of a pouty Jackson as she settled across from him.

"Oh MinNao, yes, I missed you too." Guerin cooed at the puppy who had begun wiggling as soon as she was back in sight, pointedly ignoring the sulking man. Jackson squinted his eyes petulantly, reaching over to his drink for a sip, not looking away. Once Guerin sat back she couldnt help but giggle at Jackson's exaggerated mood.

"Oh come on," she protested with a laugh, "Can't I buy a friend a coffee?" She returned his pout playing up the cuteness as much as possible.

Jackson let out his trademark high pitched squeal "Cuuuuute!" He exclaimed, leaning back and crossing his arms over himself defensively, dimples showing from his grin. Guerin couldn't help but laughing at his adorable reaction. The two continued their banter, intermittently reinforcing and playing with MinNao until during a lull Jackson changed the subject.

"Did you ever end up talking to JB again?"

Guerin took a moment, piecing together how she wanted to phrase the experience, "Yeah... he actually apologized. He seemed really genuinely upset with himself."

"What happened?" Jackson leaned forward curiously.

"It happened the same night we went out." She paused, "It sounds weird but he ended up at my apartment, drunk. He was really upset and apologizing a lot. I didn't feel comfortable sending him away that drunk so I let him pass out on the couch."

Jackson had no poker face. He sat back, looking disgruntled, "He spent the night?"

Guerin immediately tried to clarify, "Yeah but he was just passed out on the couch. It wasn't like... that." She floundered, "The next morning he didn't even remember but he bought us breakfast and apologized properly." Jackson still had an odd expression on his face so she tried to move on, unsure of how to phrase the scenario any better, "He actually asked me to try recording again."

"What did you say?" Jackson asked.

"I told him I'd try it." She felt strangely guilty admitting it so she avoided Jacksons gaze by focusing on taking a sip on her drink. Jackson floundered for a moment. He didn't want Guerin to set herself up for hurt again but JB was a close friend.

"If he apologized then he'll be better this time." He said, nodding resolutely, "You can trust him."

Guerin was relieved with Jacksons understanding. Him vouching for JB's character set her more at ease, "Thanks Jackson. It feels good to hear you say that." She smiled softly at him.

He beamed back at her before changing his expression to overdone disapproval to match his scolding tone, "But you don't have to let just anyone stay at your house overnight. You should be more careful!"

She laughed in shock, "Oh my god!" She exclaimed in English, "Nothing happened! It was nothing!" She said defensively.

"Still. It looks bad. Next time send him home." He said petulantly.

"Whatever." She said in English again, tsking at his attitude dismissively. They argued playfully for a bit before the conversation flowed naturally in another direction.

JB and Jackson met for dinner later that evening. They caught up with light chatter about their current projects and Jacksons upcoming schedules in China. Their discussion was light and friendly, with a lot of laughter from the both of them.

"Guerin agreed to try recording for my new song." JB brought up amidst their discussion of projects.

"Hyung." Jackson said suddenly. JB looked up at Jackson while reaching for a bite of food, "You need to be nice to her this time." Jackson added seriously. JB hesitated, remembering seeing Jackson hugging Guerin after his blow up.

"Ah..." he didn't know what to say so he shoved some food in his mouth as he thought. Jackson waited. "I was wrong that time. I was a jerk. I won't do it again." He said resolutely.

"And you shouldn't spend the night at her house either." Jackson added seriously. JB looked at his friend with wide eyes, shocked.

"I saw Guerin today. She said you came over to apologize." Jackson said, "I know you meant well... but... I told you before I like her. So I don't like you staying there overnight."

JB finished chewing and swallowed, "Ah... about that..." Jackson looked at him inquisitively, "I didn't say anything before. I thought I could give it up. But I like Guerin too." He looked ashamed, "I tried to distance myself and I got upset and I took it out on her. So I decided I need to be honest with both of you. I'm sorry I wasn't honest from the beginning."

Jackson couldn't hide his surprise. A variety of emotions passed across his face rendered uncharacteristically speechless. JB waited patiently for him to recover. After a few moments Jackson looked resolute, "We can't help how we feel. Neither of us own Guerin or have a right. Regardless, you're my precious friend and nothing is going to change that."

"Waaahhhh." JB said, impressed. He offered his hand to his friend which Jackson took and they shook fondly, "That was cool." They grinned at each other.

"I'm still going to confess." Jackson said, widening his eyes and locking eyes with JB who chuckled at his friends comical expression.

"Yeah. I think I will too." JB responded.

"Don't spend the night at her house again though." Jackson pouted at JB.

"I can't promise that." JB said breaking the seriousness, turning his gaze to food and reaching for another bite.

"Hyunggg." Jackson caught onto the shift in the mood as he whined, "Don't be like this."

"Like what?" JB played innocent, chewing and opening his arms questioningly.

"Hyuuuunnngggg...." Jackson whined more, pouting with his full body, causing JB to laugh loudly and offer the barely younger man a bite of food to satiate his sulk.

"Thanks for helping me pick out some new makeup." Charlie smiled at Mark. The two of them were meandering toward the famous makeup district in Seoul.

"It's no problem! I don't have a shoot today and I like spending time with you." He responded with a smile, but had to look away at the last part shyly. Charlie blushed, unsure of how he intended the message but she was flattered regardless.

"I usually do really simple makeup but with our wrap party soon I wanted something a bit more flashy. I figured, you're a model, you might know what you're doing." She shrugged.

Mark laughed, "Well I usually have makeup done to me but lucky you I can do some as well."

The pair entered a shop and meandered through, with Mark making suggestions and offering feedback on Charlie's questions.

"I don't know if that color would look good on me..." she said dubiously eyeing sparkly purple eyeshadow.

"Sure it will. Pair it with this lighter shade, it'll complement your hair well and go with your pink contacts." He pushed. When she continued looking doubtful he pouted at her, "You said you wanted a bolder look, don't you trust me? You should at least try it."

"Okay... I'll try it." Charlie gave in to his cute expression.

Mark beamed, causing her heart to race. He really had an unnecessarily beautiful face. An unnecessarily beautiful everything. She blinked to clear her thoughts as he grabbed the sample eyeshadows. She reached to out to take them from him but he pulled away.

"I'll do it, so you can see what I mean." Mark said. Charlie hesitated then dropped her hand.

"Okay..." She couldn't think of a reason to not let him and just hoped she could cope with proximity.

"Close your eyes." He instructed as he opened the first shade. She obeyed and tried not to flinch as he applied the colors and blended them together. It felt like forever. He was so close his breath would wash across her face and neck. His touches were gentle but precise. Her mind wanted to wander but she locked that down as best she could. "Okay." He said finally.

Charlie's eyes fluttered open, she was surprised to still see him so close to her. He studied his handiwork then nodded, looking into her eyes with a proud close lipped smile, "It looks great on you."

She felt herself blushing again and turned away quickly with the pretense of finding a mirror. Locating one quickly she looked in and gasped, "Oh, wow that does look really cool."

"Thanks." Mark stepped up behind her, still looking proud.

"Alright I'll get these then." She nodded but avoided his gaze.

"Let's find a lip color to go with it. Maybe something more neutral..." Mark said thoughtfully before turning and wandering toward the lip section. Charlie took a couple breaths before following after him.

"Boy Howdy do I got news." Guerin said, slipping into the chair across the table from her friend. The two of them often defaulted to English when speaking with each other. Charlie looked up, from her coffee. She and Mark had gone their separate ways not too long ago. She had, of course, removed the makeup before leaving the shop.

"Same." Charlie sighed in response, leaning her head on her hand as she frowned at her friend.

"Oh? Tell me about it." Guerin leaned forward expectantly, curious about the news.

"I might be imagining things..." Charlie started, then fidgeted as she tried to piece together what to say, "Probably just wishful thinking..." she trailed off again.

"Spit it out!" Guerin urged, tapping the table to snap her friend back to attention.

Charlie groaned and covered her face, "I'm just thinking ugh! So... I think I have feelings."

"Oooohhhhhh?!" Guerin sat up with a grin and wiggled excitedly, "Who is the lucky person?"

"That's the problem. Well. One of them..." she started to trail off again before she caught Guerin's gaze again and forced herself to spit out, "I think I like two people. I think I like Jinyoung and Mark..." Guerin grinned and let out an appreciative sound but Charlie continued, "And I think... they might like me? But I'm not sure. And like... what could two such handsome men see in someone like me? I must be imagining it."

Guerin scoffed, "Yeah, what could two men see in a smart, fun, sweet, beautiful, strong woman like yourself. Absolutely ridiculous." The sarcasm couldn't have been laid on thicker.

Charlie forced one corner of her mouth up into what was supposed to be a smile but was more like a disbelieving grimace, "Thanks..."

"Don't you give me that face. Give yourself some credit. You don't have to believe everything I said, even if it IS the truth. But you have a lot of excellent qualities. What's not to like?" Guerin argued.

"Come on, maybe for an average person. But these guys are surrounded by incredibly beautiful people all the time. I am so plain in comparison. I barely wear makeup and my standard is hoodies and jeans." Charlie looked increasingly despondent as she spoke.

Guerin frowned, "You might not be a movie star but give these guys some credit. Hopefully anyone you like would be decent enough to not measure a person's worth by how glamorous they can be." Charlie still didn't look convinced, "Listen I can't make you believe me. I haven't met Jinyoung but I did meet Mark. I might have been having a bad night but even I could tell, ya boi was into ya."

Charlie couldn't help but chuckle at her friends earnest and goofy way of speaking. "If you say so." She suddenly looked up, determined, "Speaking of! Any news on that front?"

"Oh, yeah. Geez." Guerin launched into the explanation of JB coming over drunk that same night. At first she told the same edited version she had told Jackson but after finishing she hesitated.

"Well it's good that he apologized." Charlie narrowed her eyes at her friends expression, "Guerin you have no poker face. What are you hiding?"

Guerin laughed nervously, "I uh... well... while he was drunk... it kinda sounded like he was confessing feelings too."

It was Charlie's turn to coo at the juicy gossip. Guerin waved her hand dismissively, "Don't get excited. When he woke up he didn't say it again. He didn't even remember."

"Mmhmm." Charlie said, sipping her coffee like Hyungwon. Guerin rolled her eyes, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. "Sounds like you've got a love triangle."

"What? With who?" Guerin gasped.

"JB and Jackson." Charlie said in a sing song voice.

"Oh stop. JB was drunk and Jackson is friendly with everyone." Guerin shook her head.

"Mmhmm." She made another point of sipping her coffee with emphasis. "You make a big production of how every man should be in love with me and you can't even notice a puppy begging for attention and a drunk confession. Come on."

Guerin could understand her perspective but still found it unbelievable. She didn't voice her thoughts again.

[wackapedia]

Dangerous Woman

She's mean and feisty, he's John Deacon.

Warning: mild swearing, some blood

John was taking a sip of his pint while waiting for the rest of the band to finish packing up. They just finished a set at a small local pub. He sat at the bar, occasionally glancing around the crowded place, looking for his bandmates. Suddenly a brawl broke out at the other edge of the bar table. There were sounds of fists connecting, glass bottles smashing to the floor and who knows where. He placed his drink on the coaster at the table to look over at the small crowd gathered around the commotion. He stood on his tiptoes to look over a huge man, bleeding on the floor. On the other end of the circle, a woman in a black leather jacket. Her makeup around her eyes were slightly smudged. She swiped her hair off to reveal her beautiful face. Her hand curled tight into a fist by her side. She turned away from the crowd and made her way to John's direction, toward the bar. John steps away from her way only to stand beside the barstool that held her bag.

"Don't look at me like that, he had it coming." She spoke, her voice rough.

'Was she talking to me?' John asked himself as he looked around. Yes. Me.

"Hi I'm John." He said before he could stop himself. She looked at his hand that was extended to her direction. She smiled.

"I know. I saw you play up there." She gestured to the stage.

The crowd had started to disperse as the bloodied, knocked-out man was dragged out of the place.

"John! Lets go!" Brian spoke, suddenly appearing among the crowd. "Bloody hell, what happened here?!" Brian looked over the unconscious man.

She hurriedly grabbed a tissue and a pen from her pocket. She scribbled her name and number, passing it to John.

"I think that's your cue, John." She smiled gently. A complete opposite to her brawl-face. John carefully folds the tissue, quickly pocketing it in his jeans before his bandmate notices. He smiles as she begins to leave the place as well, hauling her large backpack and makes her way to the front door of the pub. The band's van was parked at the back for easy logistics.

The whole ride home, John remained quiet. He was sitting behind Brian who was driving. Roger and Freddie were talking but sounded like they were arguing. Who knows. John's mind was occupied by the feisty girl he met at the bar. He remembers her name scribbled eloquently on a tissue. He was thinking about calling her, what to say, where might she want to meet. Maybe invite her to their next gig. That’s right.

As soon as John walks into his bedroom, he immediately drops his things and went straight to bed. Not bothering to turn on his night lamp or even change clothes. He did remember the precious napkin tucked in his pocket. He carefully removed it and placed it under a book on his bedside. He closed his eyes and almost immediately started dreaming.

As morning came, John slept through his alarm. He was already 15 minutes late for band practice. He splashed water on his face, put on a shirt, grabbed his equipment and went for the door. He somehow had a nagging feeling in his gut that he's forgetting something. Yes, her number. He pocketed it once again and left.

While the rest of the band were raising their voices, John sneaked out of the room to the nearest telephone. He needed a break. He needed to hear her.

The other side of the line rang twice before he hears a click.

"Hello? Is this Y/n?" He spoke into the receiver.

No one spoke on the other end. All he heard was some shallow breathing followed by a retching noise. The kind of noise you would hear when Oscar or Delilah were about to throw up a hairball, only that this noise was deeper.

"Hello?" John was worried he was given a fake number. "Its me, John. We met at the bar..?"

John was about to give up when suddenly someone spoke from the other end.

"John! I’m so glad you called." She sounded tired. Like she was crying.

"Are you okay you sounded.." John trailed off. He was smiling despite feeling like a joke a few moments ago.

"I'm fine I'm just... I just woke up."

"Oh okay."

"What are you up to?"

John told her about his day, disagreement between the band and how he tries not to get involved. He occasionally hears her sniffle but she just asks him to go on. Some giggles and an hour later, Freddie peeked in to tell him to come back.

"Listen, i need to go now but i want to see you again." He spoke into the receiver. He told her where and when their next gig was and she promised she'd be there. John was excited to see her again.

John arrives with the band for their gig. Its a the same pub where he first met her. He looks around for her but he couldn't find her. Maybe she's on her way.

The entire time the band was playing, John's eyes kept scanning the room for her. They were down to their final song when he finally accepted that she wont be here.

"You've been a great crowd tonight everyone!" Freddie thanks the audience who were very engaged in the music they were playing. Roger immediately went over to the bar as he was planning to get shit-faced tonight because he had a fight with his girlfriend. John took his time in packing up their equipment, not feeling like drinking at all that night.

Several hours later, John decided it was time to head home. He went over to collect Roger, who could barely stand. He semi-dragged him out of the bar and hauled him into the backseat of the van.

"Deakyy..." Roger mumbled

"What" John sounded annoyed. He was annoyed.

Roger's reply was muffled, his hands covering his face

"What?!"

"I'm gonna throw up" Roger said, two seconds before throwing up on the ground, mere inches from Deaky's shoes. John steps away from his wasted bandmate upon seeing some movement and hearing a noise from around the corner of the building. He follows the noise to an alley that is slightly illuminated by a streetlight further ahead. There was no one there. But there was a pile of clothes torn to shreds, as if an animal had ripped it to pieces.

"Johnnn.." Roger sobbed from the parking lot. He ignored him. He kept looking around for more clues as to what happened with the clothes. Was someone robbed?

"Johnnn!!" Roger sounded like he's about to cry. He went back to the van to find his friend on his ass beside his mess. "Please get me some water John". Roger cried. He entered the bar to get him some water and to collect the rest of his bandmembers. He approached the bar for a glass of water. He couldn't help but ask the barkeep if he knew the girl who had a brawl here a few nights ago.

"Ah, her! She lives at the next building! Lovely girl's a regular here. Never hesitates to put disrespectful men in their place." The barkeep says as he passes the glass to John.

"Which unit? I'm a friend of her and she promised to see me today but she didn't show up" he asked. Thankfully he was given the complete address.

"Thanks dude, i owe you." He quickly heads out, passes the glass of water to Roger, and quickly enters the apartment building. He knocks outside her door.

"Y/n? Its me, John. Pete gave me your address, I was worried you didn't show up at the bar earlier." He spoke too fast as he was catching his breath after running three flights of stairs. He hears growling from the other side. Similar to when he first called but this time was louder and clearer. Between the growling, he could hear her gasping for air but is then overlapped by the monstrous sound. Without thinking, John twisted the doorknob and entered her flat.

The place was very dark. He found her huge backpack by the door. It contained an assortment clothes. Suddenly he heard her call out.

"John?"

"Y/n! Where are you? Whats going on?" He said as he reached for the light switch

"Don't turn on the lights!" She said hurriedly. The moonlight casts a light on John's confused face. "I'm feeling sick John, you cant stay." She added. The grunting could still slightly be heard.

"Do you need help?" John went further into her flat.

"Please don't come any closer." Her voice was shaky but clear. She was nearby.

"Y/n what's going on?" John's voice sounded tired. "I want to help you. I care for you, y'know? I thought we were having a connection. I really like you. I think of you all the time. It makes me smile when I think of you, when I hear your voice. Just the thought of you comforts me when I have doubts about myself, about the band, about the future. I know we don't spend a lot of time together, y/n, but i would really like to get to know you." John finally lets it all out. She's now crying somewhere in the dark room.

"I would really like to get to know you too, John. If only things were different." She spoke between sobs. "I didn't mean to stand you up tonight. I really tried to come see you play. Its just that... This... Happened."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"Turn on the light."

John flicked the switch from beside the doorway.

He finds her sitting on the floor, with nothing but a blanket wrapped around her. Her eyes were red, her claws were sharp, her dark wings folded behind her and her horns were black and menacing.

[ilygsd]

110918

the only reason i even like this ugly fkn cunt is because we’re so similar. or at least were, he’s grown a bit more than me so i obviously appreciate his help and experience and knowlege or whatever.

but fuck him in the fucking asshole, not only is he a white man, not only does he get triggered by ”i hate whites/men” and ”ppl listen to u cus ur a white man” and takes it SUPER PERSONALLY and accuse me of fucking attacking him and shit. hes acting like a fucking dick when we’re fighting and the thing is……. HE REFUSES to admit when i say we’re similar in the way we fight??? he’s like ”no, im not” and im like YES BITCH YOU ARE YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING CHILD

he’s so fucking aggressive, manipulative, guilt tripping and just…. COLD. i swear what the fuck is wrong with him? i’ve met him 3 times, and we’ve fought 2 times. ive known him for like 2 weeks and we’ve already had 2 major fights??

the only reason im not fucking murdering him on the spot is because 1. im not a fucking idiot. i know my limits. i CANT control him, i CANT manipulate him. i dont have any power over him and 2. i fucking like him?? if i dont apologize he’s going to go on for fucking ever and eternity??? i like him and im actually genuinely sorry that he’s hurt even if he’s a fucking pussy who got triggered over smth as petty

like excuse ME!! the way he fights is REALLY triggering for me??? the first time i was terrified. it was like flashbacks and shit i cried for a whole day and i hadn’t even met him back then. i was SO SCARED and SO SHOCKED. because IT IS I who usually have his position. it is I who usually put people in their places, NOT the other way around. i HATE being scolded, feeling like a worthless little piece of shit

i knew that i should’ve blocked his ass because that can really be SO damaging to me. also there’s a risk im goong to explode as well and we’re just gonna trigger each other and fight to death…. but i didnt because i was too god damn curious of what he had to offer. is it really possible for me to be happy as well? is it really possible for me to heal and grow like him? ERHM well obviously he’s not in his ”complete form” yet, fucking psycho when he get angry, but he’s pretty happy and kind and positive generally

i worried so much about me draining him with my anxiety and issues but he said he wouldnt let me drain him. he said he always put himself first and the he basically would leave if i try to pull anything on him. why the fuck did i even worry about him when he’s trying to manipulate and guilt trip me?? I AM SO PISSED. HE REALLY TRIED TO DO THAT THAT STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

during our first fight it worked because i was SO SHOCKED, as i said. and i was SCARED. but fuck him in the asshole he really- he really tried to FUCKING DO THAT TO ME

he accuses me of being disrespectful of his limits when he goes fucking bananas, everythings happening so fast i cant even process what just happen, i dont even have the time to apologize cus hes all over and everywhere. and he’s so fucking threatening. he’s like ”if you dont…..” and he doesnt realize what the fuck he’s doing?? i apologize because 1. i hate these fights and 2. i like him i dont want to hurt him but he’s like ”i have nothing to apologize for”

STUPID FUCKING CUNTBAG YOUR UGLY TECHNIQUES ARE WAY OVER MY LIMITS, YOURE DISRESPECTING ME 101919X MORE THAN I EVER DISREPSEXTED U BY CALLING U A WHITE MAN.

(also can we talk abt how this motherfucker understabds that whites and men are privileged but he still doesnt get why reverse oppression isnt a thing and that it is GROUPS that are privileged and NOT individuals??? like he’s that fucking dumb)

that shit actually HURT!!!! i think he’s really immature during fights, i think he’s really fucking pathetic and i’m glad i’ve come to that conclusion rather than beating myself up. yes, i now understand that this is probably what it feels like for the counterpart when im fighting with them and im fuckig sorry that im acting like this psycho

BUT!!!!!! what really HURT was that he HONESTLY TRIED TO MANIPULATE ME. if i hadn’t called his ass out this time he would have gotten away with it AGAIN

bitch, he’s fucking 23 years old. he’s 4 years older than me. he also KNOWS!!!!!! i have a stupid crush on him and he STILL!!!!! TRIED TO GUILT TRIP ME, TRIED TO MAKE ME OBEY AND SUBMIT TO HIM, GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG

im so pissed and a part of me wish i would just have exploded but i couldnt because it was fucking 1 am and my family was asleep and i couldnt fucking shout at someone over the phone. also it actually made me feel a bit superior and mature when i was all calm and he still was upset (even though he wouldnt admit it, stupid proud brat. his voice changes distinctly). okay YES, i MAY have patronized him a little but also NOT!!! i was just really tired and sad and i still liked him so like….. i was just upset and trying to calm him down

its kind of hilarious how i had to tell him to stop sounding so aggressive and he was like ”im not” and i was like ”yes you are” and so he actually KIND OF stopped and it was easier to talk to him. wow i feel so powerful lmao. omg in really not any better than him am i? i know im not because no matter how much he denies it…….. im literally exactly the same when i fight 😔😔 i tell myself i wasnt like that because i didnt WANT to, because i want to be MATURE but a part of me honestly thinks its just me knowing my place. i like him more than the likes me, he can use that to his advantage, there was no reason or possibility for me to dominate him.

im still very pissed though and just because i like him i still REFUSE to follow him like a little puppy. ive been so worried ALL this time that i wouldnt be able to keep up with him intellectually, that he was too good for me, too smart and too kind. PFFFFFFFT!!! im sorry but i swear i was just idealizing him or smth. its his fucking voice and scent, its like a drug it makes me all calm and dizzy but objectively…. dont fucking let him manipulate you. if he ever makes you feel like yo should apologize and that tou did wrong, ask yourself WHY. an east escape is not the right answer. call him the fuck out. i think and hope he avtually would appreciate it as well……. even though he’s so fucking stubborn and proud OMG HES SO PROUD I CANT, I AM PROUD TOO BUT NOT TO HIM. or maybe a little since i now refuse to fucking message him, maybe a little bit manipulative but no, im still mad, the way he acted lady night was fucked up. why does he have to be so proud with ME???? is it because he doesnt feel as emotionally connected to me as i do? yeah probably

that stupid motherufcker…. when i told him ”instead of threatening me that you’re gonna hung up if i dont ’respect’ aka BEHAVE accordingly…. you could just say ’hey im not comfortable talking right now, i need to hung up’ AND HE WAS LIKE ”but we’re not that close-/but we’re not that emotionally-” or something like that and i was like……. is this dipshit clown really serious?? ”uhhh its more like COMMON SENSE AND RESPECT” and he was like ”yeah maybe…” YEAH MAYBE? NO YOU KNOW IM FUCKING RIGHT

god that piece of shit really thinks he has me wrapped around his finger or something. im attracted to him but what he doesnt understand is that he’s still a plain white man. he had NO IDEA how much im controlling myself by even letting myself fall for a white man. does he really think he can like…. i sont know?? i fucking asked him. because i said ”i dont demand or threaten you” and he was like yeah i know. and i was like woahhh…. wait a second….. ”do you think i dont because i like you? do you think i would just follow you whatever?” and he was like ”im not gonna answer that”

oh my god he really thought didnt he. stupid ass white boy really thought i would choose him over myself or any of my siblings of color. smh poor jack.

im going nuts. okay…. if he EVER pulls something like this again i wont be so sure i’ll be able to handle this on a mature level. the worst thing is though that i HAVE TO. because even when i DO, he’s so fucking ptronizing. like te WHITE MAN just jumped out???? if i were to lose my shit……. ITS SI FRUSTRATING AND ITS EXACTLY WHY I CANT BE WITH A WHITE MAN. i was avtually very fucking calm and he STILL managed to make me feel like i was the ”bad guy”.

ughhhh im fucking insane. this…… whatever the fuck our relationship is cus this boy is apprently only interested in me what the fuck that now even means?? okay so we can like hang out and be physical and cuddle and shit but we’re not a couple and its NOT limited to being exclusively us. apparebtly i should still feel flattered though?? cus he doesnt find anyone attractive and he needs some sort of chemistry??? im sorry boy but i am NOT flattered. you do you, i get it, it takes time for you to fall in love with someone but im obviously still much more emotionally invested. that not your fault. thats my problem. my abandonment and attatchment issues. honestly im so fucked i cant even differ my feelings. my feelings for him are strong but idk what they are. some days i feel like platonic friendship, other days an older brother, a romantic partner and sometimes even a dad/parental figure. like im that fucked up i just need a STRONG BOND i dont care what

i low key hate myself for how i ended the call yesterday. thanks to that, now i cant bring this up again. its too late. the fight is ”over”. i was like ”i still like u bye goodnight sweet dreams” but now im like ”i hate u ugly bitch”.

god my head

[survivorsweden]

Linus’ Jury Answers + Closing Statement

Sam

Hey Sam. For you're question all I can say is to make the jury want to vote me I was kind to everyone, and I think I did play a strategic game and physical game that could impress people. Even though I truly do despise Zak, during the game I wasn't rude to him (Until jury answers of course, I don't care what he has to say at this point), and everyone else I was friendly with, and thats why I was shocked to hear that Nic hates me and game completely aside after its all done I hope I can patch things up. I didn't do anything too much flashier than anyone else sitting next to me, but I really do think I was the strategic glue to the Stolkholme alliance and thats why people should want to vote me. If this isn't a good enough answer for you my favourite ice cream flavour is cookies and cream :) .

Jay

Thanks for the kind words man, I kinda needed to hear some positive right now <3

Nic

I've heard I offended you in some way, and Im sorry to say I really don't know what it is I did. I really didn't have anything against you, like, at all, in any way shape or form so I'm really hoping when this is all over we can patch things up :( . I'm really not an artist so don't judge my drawing too harshly on the look, but Ill give the description and hopefully the meaning will still be what matters.

I drew each of these pictures for everyone to show how I saw people in this game, and my perspective of them  in and out of the game (Out of game only if I've met them elsewhere).

Jordan: I drew Jordan as a firecracker because he was so explosive and crazy in this game. You never knew what he was going to do, but he was always ready to blow and completely try and change things up so thats why I thought this was the perfect picture for him.

Ashley: Ashley is just downright one of the sweetest people I've met in the org community, so thats why I had to draw a birthday cake. She brings joy to the people in the game with her and she is super kind and can always make your day better :) .

Josh: Now, I drew Josh as a rat. Not just any rat though, the rat from the story of the Chinese Zodiac. In the story, the animals all had a race to determine the order of the years of the zodiak. The rat wasn't the fastest animal by any means, but he was one of the most clever. Unknown to all the other animals the rat was able to climb up onto the ox's (Who was the fastest animal) head. The Ox was in a huge lead most of the race, but the rat right at the end came out of hiding and jumped right ahead of the ox with a second to go winning the rat the the very first year of the calender. Thats how I've always seen Josh. He isn't particuarily an agressive player, but he is super utr and can go unseen to come out ahead right at the end. This almost happened in the first game we played together, and I have a feeling had his alliance ended up on the right side of the numbers in this game the exact same thing could have happened since 0 eyes were on Josh this entire time, but he was still liked and strategic enough to come out of nowhere and possibly take the gold if he had gotten near the end.

Zak: Crazy soccer mom, see my response to Zak's jury speech and it's self explainatory.

Jay: I see Jay as a knight in shining armor to his allies. He was the one who when karlskoga started to divide he kept it all together. Jay was the one trying to be as loyal as possible, and as I saw in my short time in the Athena series he will fight to the death for the people he considers his allies, so a valent knight was perfect for him.

Nic: I've told you before Nic and I'll say it again, I saw you as the ultimate underdog in this game who kept managing to pull through and get further. The odds were against you at almost every step of the way but you kept trudging through in order to get just a bit further, and I have massive respect for that. So, for you I have drawn a picture of the childrens story The Tortoise and the Hare. The Tortoise is probably one of the most wellknown underdogs in all of literature, so thats why I thought this was fitting for how I saw you in the game as you were able to defy the odds time after time.

Drew: Drew I saw as Superman in this game. He was one of the only people who could do better than me in many challenges, he had won this before and hew as the person I looked upto, he was smart and hyper loyal. He was easily one of the biggest heroes of the season always being honest with people (IE the Ashley vote) when he voted them out. I definitely put him on a pedistal throughout the game, and thats why even if maybe he wasn't the biggest threat I thought it crazy that anyone could beat him at the end, and thats why I have drawn him a picture of superman.

Duncan: It's probably impossible to tell because I suck at drawing, but this is a picture of former US President Bill Clinton. My impression of Duncan was always that of a politian. He was insanely charismatic, and had easily the best social game out of everyone as far as I could tell. I also felt to an extent though he was playing every side. I couldn't tell if this was because he was like me and didn't want to hurt anyones feelings, or if he was a bit of a schemer. Either way Clinton was also a little bit of a liar with the whole perjury thing, but also the most charismatic leader in recent US history netting one of the highest approval ratings of any president in history.

Sam: For Sam I gave a bit of a personal drawing. The person in my picture is someone I went to highschool with named James. James was in my math class, but we also had a lot of the same friends. For whatever reason though James and I just never talked to much, possibly because I think we were both very shy people :( . I did really want to be friends with him, and thats why this applies to this game, Sam and why I drew this picture for her. Sam was someone I really thought was cool the few times we did talk, and one of my bigger regrets was not getting to know her better much like with James.

Zakriah

I've never actively disliked someone in this community except for you. You inside this game and outside have been a complete asshole to me for zero reason, and the reason I blocked you wasn't because of your jury speech, I had long been planning to after this season was over so I would never have to hear from or talk to you again. You're a self righteous prick who can't even see the irony in calling me a bad person when you have wished I would die in a terrorist attack and repeatedly done nothing but be rude and disrespectful. I don't respect you as a person, so this answer is strictly for anyone else who was wondering the same thing. I said that I was going to drop at f4 because it to some extent was going to take a target off me. Tim in bbcan4 did a similar thing iirc, and Drew here did something similar as well.  I understand this could lose me jury votes since my social game was already criticized (And understandably so, I understand where I went wrong in some peoples eyes), but I'm not going to just back down and suck the school bullies dick to hope to do slightly better in some online game. I hope one day you can get over yourself. Goodbye forever...

Jordan

Hey Jordan! Thanks for the question and this was something I actually am really disappointed with how I went about the event that went down, so if you hold it against me from a jury perspective I totally understand, but I'd like to explain my thought process. When you made the offer I was genuinely going to consider it like I told you. After we hung up and I went back on the other call the jig was basically up instantly since we like, left at the exact same time and I got asked if I was talking to you. What I'd wish I did here was tell you before we hung up that if asked, I was going to say you spoke to me, but act like it was just out of the question that I could ever turn. Now, the problem is obviously I didn't tell you before I hung up, so I figured I'd shoot you a message that that would be what I was going to do, but Josh had sent his message first and then you got back on the call and the whole ordeal went down. I was actually still going to consider it and tell you the next day that my mind was made up that I couldn't just flip on my allies, however I heard you were talking to Sarah and the Linus flipping plan was down the drain in your eyes already so rip. The intention wasn't to sell you out, but my execution was a bit flawed. If you still think really poorly of that situation, well shit happens right and I was still glad to play with you, but hopefully you can understand a bit better my thought process. I figured I would message you before a confrontation to explain what I was doing since I got called out quickly, but that just didn't happen in time.

Josh 

Like with Jay thanks for the kind words, it's always fun playing with you :)

Drew

I know you didn't ask me anything, but I want to take this chance just to talk to you since we couldn't until now. It means a ton that you would still like to be friends after the game because that was stressing me out non stop after your boot. The truth of the matter is although I do lie decent amount, to close allies I play this game with my heart completely on my sleeve. This isn't the first time this has happened to me where I've won f4 immunity and told a close ally I would keep them. The reason for this is easily my biggest strategic fault, people I've made close bonds with it kills me inside to vote, and I just don't want anyone to hate me and Im too much of a coward to tell a friend to their face that Im voting them out. The anxiety about making someone hate me makes me too scared to say anything, and that (One other time in particular) has completely ruined the friendship in the long run. This form of self sabotage is easily what I would describe as my biggest fault in the game where I want to play to win, but I also cant bear to hurt anyone I care abouts feelings, which just makes everything worse when I panic and don't warn them. It means so much that you prefaced this with that you still want to be friends because my real worry after this was that you would never want to talk to me again and I instantly regretted the move from an emotional standpoint way more than any strategic one. Thanks for not letting this effect our friendship.

Closing Statement

As crazy a ride as this has been, and whatever the outcome I truly am glad I got to meet and play with the people in this game. Im glad I finally got to play another game with Ned as well, and even though this has probably been stated enough already, after the game I hope I can patch things up with anyone who I have got on the nerves of. I really think I have played a strong game, and I hope you will at least consider voting me, however no hard feelings obviously either way. See everyone at the end <3