#it feels a bit inadequate to me and i won't lie i did get a bit tired of writing it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tannieschim · 3 years ago

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when the camellia blooms | pjm

park jimin x kim! reader | 1 | 2

sypnosis: diagnosed with the hanahaki disease, you had only two options - accept a deathly fate, or never love again.

genre: au, angst, fluff, humor, friends to lovers? maybe.

warnings: many talks of death and dying, minor character death, pain, unrequited love, swearing, talks of past sexual experience while intoxicated, pining, longing, really sad reader, and lots of angst.

word count: 7.2 k

"you would die for her, for him."

"You're dying."

The two words escape past his lips steadily and breathily as your widening eyes linger on the way his hands fiddle with one another out of habit. He sighs deeply and resists the urge to avoid screaming at you and maintain eye contact out of professionalism, pushing back his slipping glasses.

"At this rate, you won't have any more than a month. Had you told me this sooner, y/n, the results wouldn't have been as scarce. But because you waited after almost a year of this, I'm afraid there's not much to do." He pushes his desk lightly to pull away from it, creating a mere distance between himself and the papers which finalized your future's passing. Reaching his collar, he tugs on his tie to loosen it before unbuttoning the first stitch as he looks at you with seemingly stray and angered eyes mixed with sympathy.

Suddenly, his sight wanders the room as he shakes his head repeatedly, scoffing in disbelief. He then smiles, dimples prominent, lip tightened, eyebrows furrowed, and eyes broken, piercing straight at its target - that being you.

Standing up, he takes off his glasses and slams his fist onto the chair's arm rest before running a hand across his hair, softly hissing.

The professionalism is now out of the drain, "You're an idiot, y/n."

"Fucking stupid. How could you not- I mean- how could you not tell me? I'm your brother! We're family. Blood. We're supposed to- we're supposed to tell each other these things and you just fucking- you kept it to yourself all these months! Ten months! And now I'm sitting here being the one to tell you that you're dying? That you're leaving me? I would've done something. I would've helped you, I- I would've killed whoever this person you're in love with is. y/n, please- I just-"

You don't know why, but you felt exhausted.

The ringing in your ears is deafening. Truthfully, you hadn't heard a single thing the minute you received news that you'll be, well, passing away. Not to mention, within 30 days time.

It's not as if you didn't already know about your condition, of course you did. Coughing soft pink camellia flowers every time you see the man that's brought you here is not exactly something that just simply passes a blind eye. You sense it, you feel it, and it hurts.

It really, really hurts.

You also felt awful for your brother. You hadn't meant for it to go this far. You didn't mean to not tell him. You didn't want your assigned doctor to suddenly call in sick and have your brother temporarily take his place. You didn't mean for him to find out this way - such a twisted, horrible fucking way, but here you are.

"I'm sorry, Joon. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to go this far. I just-"

"Were you ever even going to tell me?" He cuts you off, voice low and steady, almost afraid of your coming response.

Your eyes locate his across the cramped room, and one could clearly tell that it's striving its hardest to fight against desperate tears.

"I- yes, Joon. I was. Of course I was. I was gonna do it after this check in actually, but I guess God wanted you to find out sooner than I intended, though He could've just waited a little while longer and it would've been fine." You joke whisperingly, the heavy weight of your heart lightening just a small bit when you notice the corners of his lips twitch and his eyes faintly soften.

Regrettably, that was a lie. You didn’t plan on telling him, not today at least. Maybe not even ever.

The softening air lasts for only a second as his following question makes you hold back the urge to cough up another camellia flower slowly blooming its way to your throat.

"Who is it?"

Genuine, concerned, curious. These were all that he was.

But noticing the way your body went entirely rigid at his words and the way your hand clutched your clothed chest in attempt to shut down what you know will happen next, Namjoon's brotherly instincts causes him to naturally make his way towards you softly, taking small and careful strides towards your fragile state.

And once he's finally reached you, he gets on his knees gently in order for him to be of nearing same height level as you're sitting down, his hands rubbing the back of your hand in a comforting manner.

He does this all before pulling the trigger.

"Who are you in love with, y/n?"

two years back

"Jimin!"

You call out your brother's best friend loudly, who is currently in the midst of doing a one-man stage play in front of the mirror, "Joon's saying you guys need to get going now. Says he has a patient in two hours and wants to go over all sorts of documents before treating her."

Turning around, you scan the living room and dining room for the keys of your friend's car as your brother also asked you to hand them to him since the two always end up on forgetting it until they've already reached the car parked across your apartment's block.

You hear Jimin shuffle behind you, "Really? He wants to go over documents at- 9 AM in the morning?"

Smiling at his attempts of complaint, you nod your head softly in order to play along and answer his rhetorical question, "He really needs to learn how to drive doesn't he? Since he's dragging you along everywhere he goes."

Jimin laughs at your statement, which being an opinion, your brother would argue, 'driving isn't a necessary aspect of life.' But who really thinks like that? Oh right, non-drivers.

“I guess he’s getting too caught up in learning medicine that he forgot to learn how to officially become an adult.” Reaching above the kitchen top, you finally found sight of Jimin's car keys.

How did it even get up there? You think to yourself. It's really high up, so Namjoon must've been the one to leave it as to where it is.

You groan slightly, "Joon, can you get over here! I found Chim's keys but it's too far up high so I can't reach it. Hell I don't even think he can reach this-"

You are cut off when you feel a hand sneak around your waist, making you flinch and suddenly spin cautiously.

Eyes widened. Lips parted. Breath hitched. You let out an inaudible gasp as you come to the realization that Jimin is now in front of you, head tilted with an amused smile on his face, "Excuse you? I can very much reach this." He says, all the while reaching up behind you, inchly leaning forward. At this point, your body is being pressed up against the kitchen counter and his oh-so-very toned front.

This small action is enough to instigate a flaming abyss inside of you as you very much attempt to calm your alarmed heart.

You can feel the cuts and lines of his abs against your chest as he is now standing on his tippy toes, desperately trying to reach the keys on the kitchen top. Anyone that could see his posture would call him adorable, but your body is currently being sandwiched and by all that is high and mighty your mind can't even really process a single thing. Wait, what were you thinking just now?

"See? Got it." Jimin falls back in place as he jiggles his car keys in front of your stone-cold face, smile wide as he giggles softly, "Piece of cake, y/n."

He then proceeds to move on with his life like he didn't just do what the fuck he just did.

Clearing your throat, you blink about a million times in order to gather your thoughts. Your heartbeat is racing faster than the speed of light and your lips have become as dry as a desert. If you had gone standing on your tippy toes just as he did, you would've been a baby hair away from lips touching. The thought is enough to make you grow weak.

Yet as if something inside of you is suddenly turned on, no pun intended, you remind yourself that these thoughts are wrong. You can't be having these apprehensions, they aren't right. Because not only is he your brother's best friend, he also has a-

"y/n?" Jimin's soft voice calls out your name.

Breaking out of your trance, you turn to see him sitting down on the dining table, head tilted downwards with a small smile on his face. The sun escapes your pastel curtains as it slips past the window sill, reasoning with the current ray of golden yellow that has found its home on Jimin’s plump cheek, shining on the left side of his luminous face.

It's absolutely senseless how he can look as beautiful as he does simply by existing, and it makes perfect sense that your finding yourself to liking him more and more.

Just look at him.

You are broken out of your enchanted daze once more as dreaded words leave his smiling lips, "I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

Only then were you brought back to your inadequate reality.

“W- what?” You attempt to speak, but you notice the way your voice has suddenly become noticeably hoarse.

Jimin looks up at you with a smile, the kind that has his eyes almost disappearing.

“Sung. I’m gonna ask her to marry me tonight.”

silence.

and more silence.

Like a coward, that was all what you could muster to respond with.

And only then did you notice the velvet box on his hands, upon which he is tenderly caressing. Only then did you recognize the questionable romantic script of his one-man stage just moments earlier. Only then did you realize that the reason behind his growing smile are because of her, not you. Not because of what had just taken place.

Only then did you remember that no, you can't be having these apprehensions - they aren't right.

Because not only is he your brother's best friend,

he also has a, now upcoming, fiancé.

present time

"I already loved him then, Joon."

By this time, your brother has stood up and begun pacing back and forth the modest office, murmurs of curses towards his friend escaping past his lips, "-that small son of a bitch."

Smiling softly, you look down in reminiscence of the moments you have spent falling for Jimin. "I guess I've always been infatuated with him ever since our first meeting, but my God Joonie," you pause, inhaling a short breath in attempt to stop tears threatening to spill. "-ever since that day, when he told me that he was going to propose to her, I finally realized that like was the wrong term to use. I realized that I loved him and I just- I lost sight of everything." You cry, small sobs coming from you as you blinkingly look up to try to contain the waters forming in your eyes.

It was true. That day, when he told you about his plans to ask her to marry him, you've never felt more indignant.

Of course you faked it at first, congratulated him and consoled him into truthfully believing that she will undoubtedly say yes. But the minute he and Namjoon left your apartment, you collapsed on your carpeted floors, sobbing loudly and hitting your chest repetitively all the while cursing yourself in your head for ever even considering the tiniest of possibilities that you and Jimin could ever happen.

You also went out that night, got drunk, found a guy, slept with him, and never looked back.

Sure, this may seem like a regular night out for many, but not being the type to kiss and sleep, sex meant a lot to you.

Nothing wrong with one night stands, that just wasn't your particular chosen lifestyle. But you were wasted. You were intoxicated. You didn't know what you were doing. Had you been sober, you wouldn't have done what you did, especially with the person you did it with. So when you woke up in the middle of the night naked in bed next to a familiar face and realized what you've done, you rushingly stood up, got dressed, and left, ignoring the calls of the man you had just been with.

You went straight home and washed yourself for hours, feeling dirty and sloppy and disgusting. You can easily recollect sitting down in the showers, head tucked underneath and in between your legs, sobbing and crying loudly as the steam surrounding you from the warm water kept on worsening.

You hated what you did, and you most definitely despised the reason for what you did, - to simply get over someone else. You felt guilty. You felt ashamed. What would Jimin think? You thought to yourself. And though that truly didn't really matter, the ache in your heart kept on making you believe otherwise.

You didn't notice how your tears have fallen and stained your newly-bought jeans until Namjoon's hands holding a napkin comes within your perception.

Mumbling a small 'sorry Joonie,' you accept his offer and wipe the tears still continuously streaming down your now reddened, warm, and puffy face. As you do this, you furthermore catch sight of your brother's shadow rubbing his face in frustration, matching the groans that you also hear release from him in the background. And without meaning so, you deflate in insecurity.

Hearing the sound of air being released from a pulling force, you look up to see that Namjoon has sat back down, his elbows resting on the desk while his chin rest on his hands. "Does he know about this, y/n?"

You sigh, "No."

"Are you going to tell him?" You hear him ask once more.

Closing your eyes and sniffing lightly, you inhale a steady breath as you answer him for the second time, "I don't know, Joon."

Namjoon looks at you, eyes full of worry and concern. You don't know?

You're his sister, and he loves you. He would do anything for you. If he could shower you with all the love that you lack from Jimin, he would. And he would do it in a heartbeat. But you're dying. You're leaving him. And he doesn't know what to think. He doesn't know what to do. So how could you not know? How could you sit here, in front of him, after keeping this shit for ten months to yourself, tell him that you just don't know?

He feels frustrated. Frustrated over the clearing fact that if you don't know the answer to that simple yes or no question, then how more could you know the answer to when he asks you to make the choice?

The choice - to love or to die.

A very careful, unprecedented surgery that has been performed by professionals only a few times, yet each one has been successful. This seems easy, yeah. A surgery to save your life? Of course you'll do it! But there's a reason as to why this has been done only by a certain small count.

To perform the surgery and live, the price is not the expense, but rather the loneliness that shall come as you spend the rest of your life void of emotions. The surgery doesn't get rid of love on its own, it gets rid of everything that comes with it - happiness, sadness, trust, pain, pretty much everything that one can possibly feel. The only emotion left is indifference, yet even indifference lacks its self-sustainability.

Who would want to live like that?

Who would want to live a life where you just simply exist and nothing more?

He knows that the day will come eventually - when he offers you the choice, the chance to save your life, and he knows it will come soon. But right now, he has chosen to prioritize being a brother over a doctor. Right now, the only thing in his mind is comforting you.

"Okay." Your brother nods, making your eyes widen slightly in shock.

Okay? No scolding? No 'how could you not know?!' older brother reprimands? But then you remember, oh yeah. You're dying. And who could possibly scold their dying little sister?

"I'm sorry Joonie-" You try to apologize once more before he cuts you off again.

"No, don't apologize, y/n. It's not like you could've possibly wanted for any of this to happen, yeah?" He offers you a smile, but you could easily see past its fabricated purpose, "But instead let me ask you this. And I need you, in our deceased parent's name, to be completely honest with me."

You only nod, completely submissive and understanding of his seriousness the moment that he mentioned your passed parents.

"What you just told me, when you first fell in love with him, that was two years ago." He starts, making you nod again in agreement.

"But you were diagnosed only ten months ago."

Your heart drops, and you don't nod again.

"The Hanahaki Disease is not something that gradually begins and comes to existence over the course of time. It is an illness that is triggered. It could be by a sudden forthcoming realization or proclamation of love, or by an event that triggers the heart to completely shut down in overwhelmth. Either way, basing on the timing of what you've said, you should've been diagnosed with the Hanahaki two years ago. But you weren't."

Namjoon eyes you questioningly, but not too much to the extent that you feel uncomfortable, only just enough to remind you of the importance of this conversation, "You were only diagnosed ten months ago, y/n. Why?"

You sit still, not wanting to move, as if your stone figure would somehow make him think that you're not real or that you're a simple figment of his messed up imagination.

"y/n, what happened ten months ago?"

He finishes his question and you swallow harshly only to realize that you're parched, your throat completely dry. You then tilt your head to steal a gaze at your brother, making you catch the way his eyes suddenly widened as if he just realized something of high importance. As if he had just realized the answer to his own question. And that didn't work with you.

Clearing your throat, you are about to answer him in order to cut off his thoughts until the door swings open and you feel your throat compact, - the coughs of a camellia flower slipping its way to visibility -because there he is,

the man of the hour.

"y/n." He noticeably breathes a sigh of relief before making his way to you, engulfing you in a giant embrace. "I was so worried about you. Why didn't you tell me you had the Hanahaki? How could you not let me know? How long have you had it? Who is it? I swear I'm going to murder whoever this piece of shit is that he dared ever making yo-"

"Jimin this is a professional space between a doctor and his patient." The two of you pull away almost exactly the same time as soon as Namjoon speaks up, Jimin's eyebrows furrowing, "Get out."

"What?" Jimin barely gather the voice to ask him as he is completely caught off guard of his friend's erupting vulgar attitude.

"I said-" Namjoon speaks before getting caught off again.

"No trust me, I heard what you said. But what?" Jimin repeats himself, "So you're telling me you're not prioritizing being y/n's brother right now? You're still caught up in this Doctor Kim bullshit? Like you're a real one?"

"Jimin-" You attempt to budge in, sensing that a certain trouble may suddenly come knocking.

"No, y/n. Listen hyung-"

"No, YOU listen. You small piece of shit." Your brother raises his voice, "-don't come barging in here like you own the place or like you have any authority over her. She is MY sister and this is a family matter. So it's best you stay out of it and keep in your lane."

At this point, Namjoon is in front of Jimin, a short distance separating the two of them, "And don't you ever dare speak to me in that tone again. I know you're my friend, but remember to treat me with respect. Not only am I your superior, but I'm also your hyung." He finishes with a serious voice, tone low, and message deep. His earnest eyes piercing through his friend's pained ones.

Jimin, mouth slightly agape being at loss for words and clearly confused at his close friend's unreasonable anger, storms out of the room.

But not before he drags you along with him.

Namjoon is quick to act as he tries to reach for you, but you turn back and look at him pleadingly, signaling him that it's okay and to not worry. And him being the understanding brother that he is, pulls back and holds himself steady.

You can handle him. You’re a Kim. You’re strong.

Strong enough to survive through this.

You’ll be okay.

And as he watches the two of you leave, the door closing shut right in front of him, only then does reality hit Namjoon as his legs tremble abruptly, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden.

Falling down the floor, he reaches onto the desk for assistance as he slides his back down the wooden wall, hands painfully fisted and finding its way to cover his mouth in order to muffle the choked-in sobs perilously escaping him. He proceeds to blink away the tears and bite harshly on his lips, trying to diminish the flourishing grievance in his heart.

His sister is dying, and he doesn't know what to do.

“Doctor Kim? The next patient is ready to see you.” A knocking nurse distracts him and calls out from behind the door, “-shall I send them in?”

Namjoon sniffs heavily and sighs deeply, rushingly grabbing his glasses and adjusting his emotionally wrecked state, “One moment!”

He lets out a soft, shaky breath and reminds himself once more that you’re a Kim.

You’re strong.

You can beat this.

It'll be alright.

You'll be okay.

"IM NOT OKAY JIMIN-SHI!" You voicely whine out to your friend who is currently dragging you along the halls of the hospital and out the technologically advanced glass doors, "What is wrong with you?!" You pull your arm aggressively from his grasp as you bend down, hands resting on your knees while you hastily try to catch your breath. The camellia flower stuck just along the chords of your throat making it very difficult.

Jimin stares at you worryingly, having forgotten of your illness, "O- oh no. y/n, I'm sorry I forgot I- are you okay? Should we go back?" He stutters in concern before you hold up one finger, signaling him to shut the hell up. "-sorry."

Looking at you like this, tired and exhausted from having to put up with all his bullshit, Jimin feels a sudden urge to reach out and embrace you tightly, almost forgetting of his previous encounter with your brother.

And so that's exactly what he does.

You are caught off guard the moment you feel a hand grab your shoulder by means of pulling you closer all the while another rests just at your crook of spine, and although this first makes you stumble in a not-so-very prettily way, your destination is found to be in your friend's embrace, his fragile yet protective arms wrapped around you securely.

Not letting this moment simply pass by, you let yourself melt in his arms as you find the comfort meant to be found in his comforting hug, wrapping your arms around his neck as you slightly stand on your tippy toes. Somehow, your simple action makes him pull you even closer, one hand creeping behind your neck all the while his other is completely wrapped around your waist although this time is tighter than before.

As the two of you stay like this in the middle of the sliding glass doors of the hospital, crowds of unfamiliar voices passing by you and ambulances ringing endlessly against your ear, you let yourself submerge within the passion of your heart.

Amidst the chaos and cries of your nearingly counted days, you find consolation in the arms of the same man that has put you in front of death's door, and quite frankly, you wouldn't really want it any other way. You'll take what is given by the heavens above when it comes to Jimin, because well- you love him.

Unfortunately, that quick and simple thought is enough to make you lose control of your reminded disease.

"y-y/n what's- are you okay?" Jimin pulls away from you abruptly as you break into coughing fits, pastel pink camellia blossoms escaping your trembling lips.

The sight has caught the attention of many civilians, but both you and Jimin remain to be indifferent about them as you or more or less are occupied with your illness all the while Jimin specifically aims his attention on you alone.

"Alright that's it, screw your brother alright?" Jimin exclaims a bit louder than what you're comfortable with as this obviously did not benefit with the proceedingly growing public focus on the two of you, "-we're going back, y/n, it's my fault for bringing you outside so suddenly-"

"No chim, please-" You roughly attempt to speak out, your throat painfully extracting the feeling of abrasiveness, "Please just- let's just go."

"y/n.."

“Please chim,” you cut him off for what seemed to be the fiftieth time, coughing, “-please. I don’t want to be here any longer.”

Hesistant yet concerned, Jimin nods slowly as he assists your side, his hands finding its home around your waist and lower back while you both take short and careful strides. You destination is still unknown, but you didn’t mind. A journey a day with someone you love has never turned out for the worse.

At least that's what you think.

"Really?" You roll your eyes as you notice the familiar lane that Jimin's car just entered, "I asked you to get me out of the hospital area, I didn't ask for a sleepover, Jimin." You jokingly accuse him, but you can't help the smile that makes its way on your puffed-up face as you notice him smoothly take a side-glance at you with a knowing smirk.

"Well I thought that with all that bad hospital air, you might've wanted to breathe in a familiar scent," Jimin responds as the car comes to a stop.

You turn slightly to open the door and step out before you here a meek, "Jankkanman!" and perceive a 5'9 in height blondie come running around the bonnet in order to open the car door for you as a gentleman would. It is such a sweet and casual pantomime, yet an ill-patient diagnosed with an illness of the heart can never bring you any wins. Consequently, his actions only causes your throat to feel strained and compacted for the endless time.

God, how much did you love this man that such a simple gesture makes you want to cough out countless of fully bloomed flowers?

You thank the heavens above for your past endless experiences that allowed you to now be better in terms of hiding your pain as you attempt to smile genuinely, mumbling a small "thank you" in the process before making your way inside his home.

"So," Jimin starts as the two of you plop down his couch, his eyes seeking for yours as he tilts his head ever so lightly, "what should we do today... now that you're out of that hell hole?"

"Chim!" You scold him lightly, "my brother and your best friend just happens to be working in that hell hole, just in case you forgot, and- hey! You work there too, you ass." You accusingly point at him all the while hitting his arm playfully.

Jimin is was a nurse in that hospital. Your brother is a doctor.

He laughs and smiles widely, "Nope. I don't work there anymore, remember? But I did for a while, which is why I can most definitely testify that that place is indeed, a hell hole. And by the way, I'm kind of offended that you pretty much forgot my lost profession just then, y/n, like what the fuck?" He jokes endingly.

Your eyes soften slightly as he mentions his lack of job, yet you still stubbornly choose to ignore his last remark. "Well I sure hope that's not the case since I'll be most likely spending my last days there."

Oops.

The silence that ensues goes inevitably noticed by the two of you the moment those words escaped past your lips, but you paid no mind. That was the reason that you asked him to take you away anyways. You weren't hoping for some cliche romantic bullshit where the two of you simply elope and forget your real worries in your life, no. Instead you were here with the main purpose of facing it.

Besides, even if you did want to leave with him, you couldn't. Remember?

Jimin is the first to break the excessive blockade, "Don't say that y/n."

You sigh, "But it's true, chim."

"I don't give a shit if it's true or not."

"Chim.." You are slightly startled with his sudden outburst, caught off guard in the way his voice slightly raised as his attention and body language are now completely directed at you, "Wha- why are you getting mad?"

Jimin scoffs, almost irritated at your oblivious question, "Why? Because you're talking of dying like it's not a big deal, y/n!" His voice getting louder and louder by every word he spits out, "God, you know you can be so fucking insensitive sometimes. What, did you already forget the shit I suffered when I lost someone? Did you already forget all the fucking shit I suffered when death took her from me?"

At the mention of her, you pause. Speechless. Guilty. Hurt.

Of course you remember. How could you not? You remember the darkest of days as like it was just yesterday.

You remember getting that call in the middle of the night from the contact name of your brother as you slightly answered it in an irritated voice, "Joon I swear to God if you're asking me to drive you to work in the middle of the fucking night I will personally drag your ass right now to get a driver's liscenc-"

"y/n?"

You remember immediately stopping as you recognize the voice that most certainly did not belong to your brother, "Chim?"

"y- y/n."

You remember the outbreak of his sobs as you call out to him, his sniffles and cries becoming more and more prominent as you stumble on your feet, struggling with keeping your phone against and in between your ear and your shoulder as you hurryingly take off to grab a jacket and your keys, "Chim what's wrong, where the hell are you? W- where's Joon?"

You remember the way your heart dropped as your worst fear came to mind, the thought of losing your brother itself being enough to make you wobble in your feet, your heart clenching. He had your brother's phone, and he was crying.

"N-no, he- he's fine, y/n. It's not him, hyung's... hyung's fine."

You remember the way he struggled to find the right words; the way he sniffled and stuttered through forming such a simple sentence all the while you on the other side of the line breathe out a sigh of relief at the information of your brother's wellness, yet feeling slightly guilty that your emotions are in contrast with your friend's.

"It's Sung."

You remember Jimin's worst.

"It's Sung, y/n. Sh- she got in an accident on the way here to visit me during my off hours and- fuck! Some fucking demon pulled a hit and run on her. She was walking, y/n. She walked an hour here and got ran over by someone and.. they're doing an operation on her- hyung's assisting and he just- it's bad. It was really bad and she was bleeding all fucking over and- hyung, he- he left his phone and I didn't know what to do so I just called you- I didn't, they pushed me out of the room, y/n. I need you here. Please, please. Please come here because I'm losing my fucking mind and I need you here."

You remember driving to the hospital as careful as you can with the fear of the possibility of an accident occurring still in the midst of the back of your mind.

You remember reaching the doors of the emergency room and being greeted with a pair of reddened and exhausted eyes that looked up the moment you walked in, "Jin."

He stands up to greet you politely but you stop him, obviously seeing that his reaction upon seeing you is no more than a forced delight, "Let's not do this under these circumstances, okay? You're allowed to feel unwelcoming. It's okay, Jin."

He does no more than mumble a small 'thank you' before going back to his previous spot with you trudging along beside him.

You remember feeling the sorrow of the man beside you as you watch him lean his head back against the wall, fragile streaks of tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. You couldn't imagine his pain, the pain of such a situation where your sister's life is at stake. You wanted to comfort him, to softly rub his back and whisper sweet encouragements against his ear, little white lies that his sister is guaranteed to make it without a doubt. But you couldn't. You weren't here for him, regardless of your history. Regardless of the way you left him the morning after your supposed mistake.

"Uhm, have you seen Jimin?"

You remember the way his void eyes find yours and the way his lips lightly upturn as he gives you a forced smirk, trying to keep up with his image of being Kim Seokjin, Kim Sungkyung's handsome and cocky older brother, "And here I was thinking fate brought you here to me, y/n." He trails off, "-considering how you fucked me then dipped."

You gasp slightly and playfully hit his arm at the blunt mention of your regretted one night stand as you give him a small yet genuine smile, partly glad yet at the same time worried that he can make such remarks during a situation like this.

It was strange really, how everything in your life seemed to be connected. How on the day you felt your heart tore apart the time Jimin first mentioned his planned proposal, you went out and accidentally slept with the soon-to-be-bride's older brother.

Letting out a small sigh, Jin nods his head in the direction of a different waiting room, "He left when I came. Guess he was embarrassed of how fucked up he was but hey- I'm not doing any fucking better am I?" He tells you, subtly pointing at the very visible streaks of tears still falling down his now puffy face.

You get on your feet and turn to leave but not before giving one last glance at the man next to you, a hand softly reaching to rub his shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Jin. I wish I could stay, but-"

"It's okay, y/n. Go." Jin encourages you with a small yet noticeably forced smile, "He needs you."

And so you do, bidding him a soft goodbye before taking off, your eyes beginning to water out of the guilt of leaving a friend in that state.

You then remember being suffocated. Suffocated from the embrace that greeted you the moment Jimin entered your peripheral vision. You remember landing on your behind with a harsh thud from the struggle of Jimin's weight as he continues to seek your embrace for means of comfort, the two of you falling down the floor. You remember getting drenched from Jimin's tears as you cradle him as would a wailing child, rocking him back and forth all the while softly rubbing his back, whispering every bit of amenity that could make him feel better.

You remember feeling your heart physically ache as you fail to notice the tears that have fallen down your own eyes, blurring your sight.

To see Jimin in this state, so broken and hurt and scared, it tore you apart. You wanted him happy. You wanted him smiling. You wanted him. You loved him. And God forbid that you're admitting this in your own mind while his fiance is battling for her own life, but fuck.

You wanted nothing more than to lay down your own life for Sung so that she could continue in existence for him.

If you could, you would take here place.

You would die for her, for him.

You remember pushing back your thoughts as you put focusing on Jimin your first priority. You remember keeping him in a neverending tight embrace as he neverendingly sobs against your chest, his lips leaving prayers you could barely yet still tried to understand;

please don't let her die

don't take her away from me

i love her too much

i still have to marry her.

You then remember hearing a wail of anguish, putting a pause to both Jimin's silent pleas and your eavesdropping as the both of your heads turn to pinpoint from whom the noise came from.

You remember the way Jimin stilled.

"No."

You remember his whisper of such a small, two-lettered word, yet somehow it caused your heart to crumble.

"No no no no-"

You remember having to tackle Jimin slightly as he causes a mess of himself, punching the seats and harshly tugging on his hair all the while screaming wails of pain and suffering, "Jimin please-"

"No- get the fuck off of me! Sung?!"

You remember how Jimin lost sight of reality as he pushes you off of him, your body making in contact with the cold tiled ground.

"SUNG? SUNG! LET ME INSIDE-"

You remember seeing nurses and other staff pull the man you love back as he causes a scene, starting to become physical and violent with the people surrounding him, "PLEASE! Please- I just- I NEED TO SEE HER! SHES MY FIANCE-"

You remember seeing a man dressed in blue make his way near Jimin, a needle in his hand.

"H-hey, no!" You remember trying to catch up to the nurse, attempting to prevent them from giving whatever the shot was to Jimin, "Stop! Please-"

"y/n. D-don't."

You remember feeling a hand on your shoulder which makes you turn around instantly, only to find the culprit behind the anguished scream just moments prior Jimin's outburst.

"Jin." You start, "-they're going to sedate him. That- that's not okay."

"They have to, y/n." Another voice calls out from behind Jin, "I know how it seems and I don't like it either, b-but he's becoming violent. They have to sedate him."

"Joon." You whisper softly.

What a sick and twisted game that life is playing on you, that your brother, Jimin's best friend, Jimin's best man at the wedding being planned, is the one to give news of the bride's passing.

"Sung, is she really.." You trail off, not having the heart to finish your sentence.

It seems neither does he, as he responds with nothing but a simple avoidance of eye contact.

"HYUNG!"

You remember Jimin's faint and tired yet still firm voice as he calls out your brother, "Hyung, you saved her didn't you? You- you were part of the surgery. You saved her didn't you? Didn't you!?" Jimin is weak as he trails off his words as the effect of the syringe takes its course, but that doesn't stop him from reaching out to the three of you, "H-hyung. Tell me you saved her. P-please tell me you saved h-her."

Namjoon doesn't stop the tear that rolls down his hardened face as he only shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Jimin. We did our best. We really, really did. I'm so sorry-"

You remember the way Namjoon's voice trails off your hearing as your throat suddenly feels contracted. You remember the itching pain just within your chest as you find the struggle to breath, your hand clutching it harshly. You remember stumbling back just a little bit as you feel lightheaded, thinking that these were only from the overwhelming happenings in that moment.

But then you cough.

And you cough

and you cough

and you cough.

But no one notices you.

Not even yourself.

Your attention remains still at Jimin, who has now dropped completely to the floor, tears still continuously spilling out of his drowsy eyes. Short breaths are released from his trembling lips as he mumbles words that none of you can understand. He then begins to seemingly reach out for something, someone.

"P-please," He whispers.

And as you bend down almost immediately to attend to his calls, you cough.

And you cough

and you cough.

And still no one notices.

No one except him.

You cough as your eyes find his, barely open yet staring right at you from the lows of the floor.

You remember having to excuse yourself and run to the nearest restroom you can find, legs trembling and stumbling on your way there as you push against the winds of the almost empty halls, still coughing with every step you take. And just as you reach the doors of the restroom, you turn back slightly, just enough to catch Jimin's last sight while his body is being carried away to where you guess is a vacant patient's room, all this before his eyes ultimately close.

Eyes you found lastly staring at you.

You remember finally shutting the door and locking it, thanking God silently that you're in a family restroom hence there is no one else inside. You cough desperately, your throat beginning to feel exclusively sore and your lungs beginning to tighten from all the air being released as you cough and cough and cough again.

You reach out to the sink, gripping tightly onto the white metals as you cough and cough and cough again.

You then brushingly turn to the toilet, your eyes watering and lips numbing as you cough and you cough and you cough once more.

You practically clean the whole restroom, as disgusting as that sounds, from all the moving you made as you coughed anywhere and everywhere. You felt awful for the next person to come inside, now that your bacterium were practically in its every corner, side, and space. You cough again, this time harder, the worst one out of the previous.

You remember sensing a certain feeling rise up, something soft yet itchy, something light yet heavy.

And so you cough, and you cough, and you cough, and you cough,

and you bleed.

And amongst the red is a pink.

A single, individual pink petal from what you would soon find out is a camellia flower - the flower that is soon to be the latter symbolization of death chasing you, growing closer, inching nearer, just about to knock on your door.

So of course you remember Jimin's distraught. Of course you remember Sung's - his fiance's death.

Because her death was too, the ultimate beginning of yours.

taglist for part 2?

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quokkalatte · 6 years ago

Text

Affinity pt.2

Part 2

Category: Series

Pairing: Street Racer!Hoseok x Cat Hybrid! Reader

Warnings for this chapter: slight tiny mentions of blood and past abuse, slight language

Author's Note: Honestly this is mostly a filler chapter so it's just not that.....good? idk but I hope you enjoy ♡ as far as posting goes, it may be a bit before I get the next chapter out out I go back to school tomorrow and I'm working too so yeah XP

Tag List: @xinnieally @twilight-loveer @zhangyixingxing1 @jhopespanda @smeunjipark @kaguracysan @timberkat @wxnnabewitch @dust-er130 @sweetcoffeeblandtea @lokathefemale @fairy-lover13 @chari-a @olaxeiii @aejae-ssi @queenofthecliff @dragonwitchgaming @lifeisnorainbow @2seokkyo @chisana-himawari @serendipitiousbutterfly @unknownbluekey @katkit73 @bang-zero

Cannot be Tagged: @musicandbooksandfoodohmy @honeylovetae @lilacbaby11 @cat-the-caitlin @hobi_isadaydream

[Message me to be added to the tag list so you can be notified for future chapters]

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Hoseok waited patiently for you to finish your shower, sitting in the living room to get his heart rate down. He assessed the situation, he was now the owner of a hybrid, not only a hybrid, but one that has been through a lot and still manages to be completely innocent. He also assessed that he had absolutely no clue how to care for one. We're there regulations? Special diets? Oh no did he have to take you to get fixed? The actual thought of taking you to a vet had him experiencing waves of anxiety. He was so worked up that when you walked into the living room he didn't even notice.

"I'm finished" you say, and he jumps and looks up at you. You were clean, ears still slightly damp but had a small shine in the black and grey. Your tail, sticking through the baggy grey sweats, flickered nervously. Now that it was clean, be could see where the clumps had been pulled out. Some pink patches poked through and Hoseok's heart clenched uncomfortably at the sight, and he has reminded of your hands. He licked his lips, a nervous habit, and stood up and walked over to you. You watched him curiously, and he hands came to your own, and you flinched slightly, but he turned them over.

The skin was a pale red color, the skin still freshly aggravated and probably caused pain. There were slight droplets of blood, but nothing to serious. "Does it hurt?" He asks gently, and you avert your eyes, staring down at your hands.

"No, it doesn't" it was a lie, that was obvious. Hoseok frowned, how many times had you had to keep your pain from Yeonsoo, afraid of being punished further.

"It does kitten, and if you're hurt you should tell me. You won't get in trouble I promise" He says, and you nod. He let's go of your hands, and goes into the bathroom, rummaging under the sink and pulled out a med kit. When he returned to the living room, you were still standing where he had left you. He gestured to the couch, taking a seat. You hesitantly sat next to him, your tail curling around your waist securely. He opens the med kit and sets it on the coffee table. He takes the opened box of gauze and antibiotic cream, and a couple of alcohol patches. You frown, seeing that everything had been used before.

"Do you get hurt too?" You ask, looking up at him. Hoseok shrugs, ripping open the paper of the patches and pulling out the potent cloth, the smell making you wrinkle your nose as it stung your nose.

"I get scratched a lot when I work with tools. I work as a mechanic and I'm bound to get cuts and bruises. This'll sting a bit, but it'll help" he says and presses the pad to your skin. You hiss, ears pressing flat against your head and tail clenching tightly. A small whimper followed as he wiped the other. Hoseok whispered out a couple of 'sorry' and 'it's okay you're doing great' and applied some antibiotic cream to them, which soothed the burn instantly. "I also used to race motorcycles, and I got road rash a couple of times" he added. You listened intently, your eyes looking up to his concentrated face. He wrapped your hands in the gauze, and when he finished, he gave you a small smile, which made you let out a small purr in thanks.

"Thank you master- I mean Hoseok" you correct yourself quickly and he laughs.

"No problem kitten. Now, there isn't much I can do for your tail, it's already healed" he says, and you glance down at your abused tail, and it flicks self-consciously. "But I'll ask Namjoon what I could put on it. His cat hybrid Jimin used to scratch his as a nervous habit before he was adopted, and Namjoon put something on it to heal the bare patches" he babbles.

"He would pull it when I wasn't paying attention" you told him, and he frowned

"Yeonsoo?"

"Yes. I would daydream, and if I wasn't listening or answer him, he'd pull it to get my attention. Or he did it if I messed up or did something wrong" your voice was quiet, and Hoseok wanted to comfort you, but he feared you'd flinch away if he tried to pet you.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore Y/n. Yeonsoo won't get his filthy hands on you ever again, not if I have anything to say about it" Hoseok says firmly, and a spark of warmth crept up his spine when you smiled radiantly at him. He returned a small one back."Let's get you to bed"

You had instantly curled up as soon as you fell on the bed, pulling the blanket over yourself and closed your eyes. Hoseok stood in the doorway for a moment. You looked so small, and the baggy clothes didn't help either. You just looked so fragile and he had the same urge to protect you like he did the first time he saw you. A lot has happened in in the past few hours. He made sure you were firmly asleep before walking down the hall and into his own bed to sleep.

There was a dilemma when he dressed for work in the morning. You'd be left alone, and he wasn't sure if he liked the thought of that. You laid out on the couch, stretching out in a cat-like way as you watched him throw on his uniform and pour coffee into a thermos as he rambled on about leaving you at home alone. He was a very interesting human, one that could keep his cool and act nonchalant one moment, and completely be flustered and inadequate the next.

"I don't mind staying at home alone Hoseok, honest" you peer at him from fallen on your face. Hoseok glanced at you, buttoning the navy shirt of his uniform and a piece of bacon dangling from his mouth. You giggled at the sight, and he quickly chewed the rest of the bacon.

"Are you sure? I feel guilty, I could take you in with me" he says, a bit to himself. You wrinkle your nose in distaste.

"No offense Hoseok, but the thought of spending the day in a shop that reeks of motor oil and sweat isn't my idea of a fun time." He laughed and you sat up, taking a piece of bacon and chewed it happily.

"Alright alright, I'm just nervous"

"Really? Couldn't tell. I'll be okay, I've been left alone plenty of times" you say, and Hoseok sighs, and nods

"Okay kitten." He nods, and walks towards the front door, but freezes and turn back around.

"What do you eat?" He asks suddenly. You cock your head at him, confused.

"Uh, food?"

"What kind? What do you like? Is there a certain thing I should he feeding you?" He asks

"Lots of kinds. I like fish, but not crabs. I can't have regular milk, the fat content makes me break out into hives and I get a belly ache. Ma- He always complained I was expensive and cost him money to feed. I like almond milk even though it has a weird after taste." You say. "And they have supplements for hybrids, like vitamins but I don't need themas long as I get plenty of meat and liquids" you say. Hoseok repeats this under his breath, and nods.

"I don't have any almond milk, but I have fish sticks somewhere in the freezer. But help yourself to the fridge kitten what's mine is yours" he smiles at the way you grin. "I should be home around 5 okay?"

"Okay Hoseok" You yawn, already prepared to take a cat nap in the patch of sun that peeked through his blinds. Hoseok chewed his lip, still unsure of leaving you alone, but you looked content enough, so he grabbed his car keys and headed out to the garage.

"I'm telling you Hobi, it's a piece of shit. I don't know why you continue to drive it" Kim Taehyung scrunches his nose when Hoseok pulled into the shop. "And it's hideous as well" Hoseok rolled his eyes, stepping out and running a hand through his hair.

"Tae, your specialty is muscle cars, not race cars. So shut up about my baby she's doing fine" Hoseok pats the hood of his beloved car. No, it wasn't the one he raced with, but it was an older car, and he was attached to it, he better be he fixed it from the ground up. Sure it likes to stall when turning on and the paint needs a new coat, but it was his child. Taehyung chuckles at Hoseok's words, taking a drink of his Pepsi.

"If you call two seconds away from falling apart 'okay' then sure, it's just peachy"

"Don't you have someone's oil to change" Hoseok says hauntily, and Taehyung huffs and slinks back to the back of the garage. Hoseok pulled the buliten down from his desk, checking the recent repos and bring-ins of the week. There had been at least 20 cars repoed for missing payments, which meant 20 angry phone calls he wasn't ready to deal with.

He worked diligently, the garage kept busy with fixing cars and getting them out to their respectable owners, and Hoseok was busy trying to negotiate with angry customers about getting their cars back.

"All you need to do is go to the Repo office off of Dowchien Street and file some paperwork, and pay the fee to get your car back" Hoseok sighed as the old woman cursed him about how she was missing several doctor's appointments and having to take the bus to go to the store. "Ma'am I just take and hold the cars, you need to go to the head office to get it back" Hoseok pressed his knuckles against his skull, rubbing the area as he was cursed out more before the lady finally realized that he wasn't going to give her car back without visiting the office.

"She sounded delightful" Namjoon grinned at Hoseok in the doorway of his office. Hoseok glared up at him, standing and stretching.

"Oh yeah, if you like hearing about irritatable bowel syndrome and bunions needing to be removed" Hoseok shivered and Namjoon laughed. "Put me in a car and on a road any day this day job shit is killing me" He groans.

"You're the one who wanted to use the shop as a cover Hobi" Namjoon so wisely pointed out. "And you don't hate it either so quit your whining"

"No but I do hate angry people yelling at me for them not making car payments" Hoseok walked past Namjoon and entered the back of the garage. Taehyung and a couple of other employees bustled around repairing different aspects of the cars.

"Hmm if only everyone could see Seoul's Drift King now" Namjoon teases and Hoseok flipped him off as he reached into the mini fridge and pulled out a water bottle, taking a long drink. "So how's your kitty doing?" Namjoon asks

"Okay, I think. She's really jumpy, but she let me dress her hands, does that mean something?"

"Means she trusts you. Took me 3 months before Jimin would be in the same room as me. "

"She still flinches when I touch her though" he frowns

"Can you blame her? I'm not sure she's had a kind touch in awhile. Give her time Hobi"

"You're right" Hoseok sighs. "Do you still have that stuff you used on Jimin's tail?"

"Sure, I always keep some in case his anxiety acts up again. Why?"

"Yeonsoo did a number on Y/n's poor tail, she's missing clumps of fur"

"Asshole." Namjoon mutters darkly. "You should have seen him when you left. He got out of his car and vowed to exact revenge or some site evil villains say in the movies. But I'll bring a bottle over for you"

"Thanks, and I'm not too worried about him. I can handle him" Hoseok says.

"If you say so. We've got a new, ah, 'shipment' coming in on Tuesday, are to ready?"

"Aren't I always?"

Hoseok was relieved when he went home that night. He wondered if you were okay. Sure you've been left home before but it didn't feel right just leaving you to your own devices for the whole day in a new place. He stopped by and grabbed take out, not in the mood to cook anything for dinner. He parked in the garage and grabbed the take out, unlocking the door and entering the house. When he stepped in he sensed immediately something was off. It was too quiet. He frowned, glancing around the dimly lit hallway "Y/n?" He called out, inching into the living room. A creak had him on edge and tense. He grabbed a the baseball bat that leaned against the garage door, gripping it tightly as he entered the living room.

You were standing there, wide eyed and chest heaving with breath. Your fur was fluffed out to the max, and your eyes laid on the baseball bat. You wailed, throwing yourself to the floor in front of his feet and grabbed his legs. Hoseok yelped in shock, staring down at you.

"I'm sorry master I'm so so sorry! I w-was just walking and my tail hit it and it fell over! Please forgive me I know I'm a bad cat" you cried, pawing at his shirt and burying your head into his hip.

W-What? Y/n what are you talking about" he frowned, still confused. Your body wracked with sobs, your words incomprehensible. Hoseok set the take out on the counter and dropped the bat to the floor, the crash making you jump and squeak. He pried your hands from his shirt, and knelt down so you were face to face.

"Calm down Kitten, just tell me what happened" he says slowly, and you whimpered.

"The vase. I broke it. I'm sorry" you say, cheeks puffy and tear tracks down your face. Hoseok looks over your head and sees the vase that had been sitting on his TV Stand was smashed on the floor in a thousand pieces. His eyes widened and he immediately began searching your body.

"Are you hurt? You didn't cut yourself did you?" He asks. You hiccup, frowning

"W-what?"

"Did you cut yourself on the glass?" He demands, checking for any sign of blood.

"N-no I- you aren't mad?" You sputter, frowning. You were sure you'd face punishment for breaking his possession. You hadn't even been here long and caused an accident, and you thought for sure Hoseok would be angry and throw you out.

"No I'm not mad Y/n" Hoseok sighs in relief. "I'm just happy you aren't hurt."

"But....but I broke your vase" you frown at him.

"To be honest, you saved me a terrible story to explain to my sister why I got rid of the ugly vase she'd gotten me for Christmas. Now I can say my hybrid accidentally knocked it over" he smiles and you frown

"So I'm not being punished?"

"No it was an accident Y/n" Hoseok frowns and you nod your head in understanding. "Are you hungry?'

"A bit" you admit.

"Good. I brought home take out" he says, standing up and grabbing a broom and dustpan before sweeping up the broken vase, careful not to miss any pieces that could imbed themselves into any soft fleshed feet. You watch him as he worked, still slightly expecting to get yelled at, but after a few minutes you relaxed when it appeared it wouldn't come. Hoseok pulled down two plates, piling on steamed rice and chicken and vegetables and a bunch of assorted foods he always got when he ate take out. He pushed the bigger plate towards you, and you eye it doubtfully.

"Why did you give me your plate Hoseok?" You ask, pushing it back to him. Hoseok shakes his head, pushing it back.

"I didn't. It's yours."

But there's more food on it" you frown

"Yes, I'm not too hungry tonight, and I got extra for you"

"All of it?"

"All of it" He says firmly. You nod, still unsure but when you began eating, it was difficult to stop with all the tasty things he had gotten you, but you didn't touch the gross smelling stuff on the side of the plate. Hoseok noticed this, as he ate the very thing you wouldn't. "You don't like Kim Chi?"

"No. It's gross and vile" you say firmly and Hoseok pouted.

"I'm not sure how we'll get along from now on, I love Kim Chi" he says, and affronted look on his face, but a glimmer in his eye showed that he was kidding, and you giggled.

"I don't know, guess you'll just have to stop then" you smile mischievously at him and he laugh

"I don't think so kitten" he snorts and continues to eat. Oh god, he thinks, I think I can probably handle her.

#bts #bts jin #bts rap monster #bts hoseok #bts namjoon #bts smut #bts j-hope #bts ship #hoseok smut #hoseok x reader #hoseok #bts j hope #bts jhope #bts x reader #jhope #jhope icons #jhope x reader #affinity #affinity tag list

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