#it feels WAY more correct than being cis but also I spend 8+ hours a day roleplaying as a cis woman

[roliepolie]

Gender is confusing and really really fun because I will spend such a considerable amount of time thinking “I wish I was a trans man and could take steps to be more masculine but alas I am not that tm”

[kimyoonmiauthor]

A few gender things...

In light of people being A-holes over the Olympics and particularly mixing transphobia, racism (mostly anti-Black, but also anti-Asian), sexism, I thought I would do a list of a few things to ponder while people are being a-holes about it.

When I was in Middle school, we had intramural sports—soccer, baseball, dodgeball.

Some of the girls were legit much better than the boys.

That author who shall not be named has an intramural sport called quidditch. (which, BTW, is pretty much stolen from 2 games, both of which originated in China... which is kinda mind numbing considering that character...)

If she believed that boys were stronger than girls, then why, why is Quidditch intramural all the way up through adulthood? The positions also are interchangeable between the sexes. It's also a contact sport.

Back when I thought I was cis and dating a cis guy ('cause queer denial and not enough information on the internet)

He insisted, since he's the guy that he would build the bookshelf for me, which I didn't really need him to do, but he was one of those "guy role" assholes or whatever. And he really, really struggled with building the bookshelf. It was one of those kits you buy. Like Ikea, Sauder, etc. (but not from scratch). He could not figure it out.

I looked at it, being a child of an engineer and figured it out without swearing pretty quickly.

Likewise when he needed help refinishing a table, I knew how to do it and he didn't.

Why? I had the life experience by that point and had tinkered with wood quite a few times. I'd made a doll out of wood (to be fair, a pillar), I'd made a birdhouse from a kit. My Dad had shown me how to use a saw. My uncle let me use his tools in his garage.

But this ex was so held up with the idea of "weak women don't build things" that he thought I couldn't do it. But he insisted and I wasn't going to argue with him because he was kinda an asshole.

Gender ideology is kinda dumb when you're that strict.

This ex also believed in pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen, which he knew pissed me off.

Also told me that I wasn't skinny enough at 135 lbs and 5' 6". So yeah, asshole.

Let's play a round of what gender are these people from personality descriptions.

Person A

Likes Science. Is really good at math. Good at chemistry equations. Like salmon pink because they like eating salmon. Doesn't really understand emotions that well.

Person B

Like the color black and pink—those are their favorite colors. Loves nature and nature walks. Wanted to be a Park ranger. Dislikes going out too much.

Person C

Favorite color is Green. Likes drawing. Not good at cooking. Spends 2 hours preening in the mirror. Loves Shopping. Cares a lot about what other people think about them.

Person D

Tends to sleep a lot. Isn't that scared of heights. Has bungee jumped a number of times and to the point that to gain extra points in games will bungee jump more times. Has unbelievably good luck.

Person E

Scared and anxious about heights all of the time. Like even 8 feet off the ground gets to them. Nervous about everything. Has a wicked sense of humor. Wears glasses. Loves Ramyeon and will preach about the correct way to make it. A decent cook. Reports that their home chores are to wash dishes for their spouse.

I bet you guessed wrong. These things are gendered. But you can't know for sure.

As I pointed out life experience, and so on shape what they can and can't do which doesn't necessarily correspond to gender.

Olympics

The racism in the Olympics are already that Black women are "manly" and don't act "feminine" enough because literally a connection to slavery and the whole "Black people feel less pain" stereotype. https://www.aamc.org/news/how-we-fail-black-patients-pain

'cause if you're going to literally enslave a whole population of people, you need to dehumanize them by saying things like they feel less pain, all of the women are actually men (to justify that you know, white men didn't r*pe black women, though they absolutely did) and so on.

Literally trying to make them into Morlocks.

With Asians, it's the reverse. Asians were made out to be "hyper feminine" on the heels of—yes, you guessed it, institutionalized rape via treaties forced on India, China, Most of Southeast Asia, Korea and Japan. They aren't *that* kind of workforce. So you have to reframe the population psychologically in two ways: the men aren't manly enough and the Asian women are hyper white women. The white women who suddenly in the 1900's learned to fight for rights—like "how dare they" type of psychology. In doing it this way, you can argue the women that these men basically r*ped "wanted it" so they feel better about themselves.

Thus an Asian woman not acting hyper feminine is to these people "must be a man" and you know, Asian men are seen as "weak" and undesirable after years of fighting and reframing Asian men so Asian women wouldn't want them. This makes the Asian woman "less desirable" because they are "really a man."

And a quick reminder here for the white trans people who sometimes get amnesia, that author who shall not be named literally started with Black trans women. Which you keep glossing over every. single. time. Like, be intersectional and talk the racism too and invite black trans women in. I've been seeing an uptick of people who are "shocked at that author's racism from white trans faction and like—did you get amnesia, she literally started her path to hating trans people from hating PoCs and specifically Black trans women during Pride.

She was doing poorly on PoCs long before she was slipping terribly on the whole "But Dumbledore was Gay" I'm saying this: Get with it.

Anyway, the research has solidly shown that there are two factors to physical strength: socialization. If you constantly tell women what they do is weak and not worth anything, of course they aren't going to be physically strong. "Be a princess."

And the other factor is training.

Every terf out there when you point out that through training women can be stronger than men, go onto something like, "What are you talking about? We are talking about the average."

So you are saying that women can be stronger than men and can train and beat a boy at sports based on their interests...

and then watch them backpedal hard.

If you show them the stats for women who are better at marathoning than men. (Haha, apparently applies to sex too... but ace spec thoughts, I suppose on the weirdness of sex. Allos for some reason flip out when I point out how weird sex can be? And not weird in sex shaming way, but like the whole thing? Human sex in particular.) they start to flip out.

But sports in every freakin' ad says it's not just physical fitness, but mental fitness too. And then the people who want everyone to stick to white gender roles invented after the 1950's, because WTF is with some of their disciplining, somehow often think white mental acuity is higher than everyone else (you can test some white terfs on this by tip toeing towards it.) You can test them to see if they've ever left their country of origin too, because that often challenges your idea of what gender is and isn't.

Anyway, the point is, it's an intersection of these things, and often people are so entrenched into white gender ideals, they don't like being challenged.

I met someone online who was (not naming the ethnicity, not white) who blocked me because I pulled up folktales from their culture with cross dressing and trans people which were extolled in their culture as one of the top 4 folktales of all time and pointed out the shift from more fluid ideology of gender to a colonizer one and they couldn't handle it.

Similarly, I did this with someone who claimed to be from Nigeria (you can't trace this one easily). And so I pulled Nigerian tribe groups with the third gender category and asked them why are they working for the colonizers and from the name of the groups, you could tell it was native to Nigeria.

Terfs 100% work on a colonizer agenda. Don't tolerate it. And don't freakin' forget that the author hated on Black trans women to slip down the anti-trans train. Keep shouting it. Especially as a white trans person. Keep pointing out the racism. You have to recognize it's on the heels or colonializing racism a lot of these anti-trans people are working on.

Also, gender doesn't dictate much of shit besides what's "acceptable to wear" out in society which is ever shifting. I know a boy that liked purple pink and orange. Are you telling me that those colors are gendered, thus men can't eat carrots or salmon? I think people need to get off of it. Gender is the least stable bit about culture, at least to me. I mean 10 years ago, the gender thoughts of flexibility for men were different.

[doberbutts]

 Okay so this is going to get long and more than a little bit tmi but it’s a post summing up some strides I’ve made regarding my own transgender journey and I wanted a place to talk about it and maybe help some BabyTrans figure themselves out along the way so I’m putting it under the cut but it’ll go here >:V

Anyway long story short my insurance settlement from my car accident finally figured itself out and I found myself suddenly $30k richer and immediately spent about $10k of that digging myself out of a very deep debt hole I’ve been wallowing in for a while so now I have some actual financial stability plus have some money to throw at some things that would probably make my life a bit better.

And since I have the money to throw at some things, I bought myself a few new binders and also a packer. Binders because my old one was literally disintegrating- part of that is my fault, washing binders in an industrial machine on high heat plus throwing it in the dryer means your binder falls apart faster than it should. Remember I’m from the very end of Ye Olden Days of transmasc products, which means previously most binders lasted a year at most. My binder made it 2.5 years before giving up and becoming a sports bra instead. I’ve learned from my mistakes and treat my binder(s) much more gently now, plus I have more than one so I can rotate them out and not wear the same binder 8-12 hours daily for 2.5 years and kill it doing exactly the same shit.

For reference sake, I’m 5′10′’, 180lbs, 36C bust, and fit a XL from gc2b. Which is who I bought both my previous binder and my current set from. They are low cost, lightweight, well made, and LGBT-owned and operated which makes me super into buying from them instead of some of the other companies offering something similar.

Being that I am biracial and finding something my skintone is always somewhat... interesting... I followed the internet’s suggestion and went with PeeCock for the packer. I’d bought a zip binder from them a few years ago and actually found that to be the most comfortable binder I’ve ever used in the history of ever, but I will say the durability of zip binders is low compared to pull-over binders in my experience, as the zipper exploded one day when I bent down to pick up a small dropped item. I’d had the binder and was rotating its use with my pullover gc2b for about 6 months when this happened, and was in public when I went from flat chested to big uncontained tiddies in the span of seconds. Not great. I’ve been told that probably means it was a little too small for me, but PeeCock is a company based in Singapore, and their sizes like most East Asian clothing do run quite a bit small (I was a XXL in PeeCock sizes when I wore a size L gc2b binder) so there’s not really a lot of wiggle room for me to go up in size. Additionally their sizing taps out at XXXL so anyone who’s bigger than me in the chest/torso is a bit out of luck for their binders. A shame, because that zip binder was so comfortable I fell asleep in it forgetting I even had it on more than once.

Anyway. Since I did like that binder even though we had the wardrobe mishap, and the internet had pretty good reviews on the PeeCock packers because they are multifunctional and actually make correct skin tones for black dudes, I got one. Since money wasn’t an issue I did get the most recent model which was not cheap (~$300) and so far I like it a lot. I got so used to wearing it that when I take it off to clean it, it actually really bothers me. The weight of it is... comforting, in a way.

HOWEVER I did see a bunch of reviews about how I would be super likely to pee on myself the first time using it and then used it and went “wow I don’t have any idea what you guys are talking about this is easy” aaaaand... then peed on myself by accident. Gotta control your stream or things are going to overflow and you’re going to be really sad. And wet. And stinky. Thankfully I had the forethought to practice at home before actually doing this at work/public restrooms but be warned. Being that this is my first one I can’t say if this is common with all packers however I told several of my transmasc friends that do pack and use STP about this experience and they all assured me they did the exact same thing on and off for the first couple weeks and most of them do not have the same brand. We’ve yet to have a repeat at least?

Plus there’s a little attachment rod so I can use it for sexy times with the boyf and also feel what I’m doing to him so there’s that too. 10/10 A+ experience would recommend. The packaging warns you to be careful how you pack because of the way the silicone works, and your partner cannot be on top or ride you, so keep that in mind if you’re considering it. Cleaning is pretty straightforward however and packing feels correct and natural as long as you follow a few rules:

I’ve discovered that whatever size you consider a perfect fit? Unless you like really relaxed fit for your pants, you’ll need to go a size up. I wear tighter clothing and usually skinny jeans at that, and my exact perfect size has been 34/32 for some time now. When packing I need to go up to 36/32 because otherwise wow that crotch is way too tight. I can’t sit down in one of my pairs of jeans and I’m legit sad about it. I also can’t have anything in the pockets of a different pair of jeans or else I have the same tight crotch problem. I went up a size in underwear and that was more comfortable, so I ordered new pants from online and I’ll see if that helps as much as I’m expecting it too.

Speaking of underwear, ymmv, but I genuinely did not expect this. Jockstraps? Super comfy, super durable, and super convenient. Additionally unlike boxers or even briefs, I don’t need a special packing-specific design to be comfortable in one. I never wore one before and honestly this doesn’t even feel like wearing underwear. They’re really just a banana hammock anyway so that’s probably a large part of it, but honestly I would definitely recommend trying them if you haven’t yet. I do have a few pairs of packing briefs and boxers, as well as normal briefs and boxers, and I’ve been alternating between the various types of undies to see which ones I prefer, but I already know my decision so I bought several because I can. One word of advice, though... if your pants ride down understand that your entire butt will be out. I don’t wear low rise pants because they draw too much attention to my waistline and make me super dysphoric, but those that do, watch out.

Jockmail is highly rated and multiple transmasc websites recommend them for packing and I can absolutely see why. Usually the waistband of my underwear irritates my skin and so I was dubious because Jockmail stuff- being that it’s for athletic wear- has a minimum waistband of about 2in... but it’s actually more comfortable and less irritating, rather than the other way around. They also have briefs, boxers (more like short shorts), and boxer briefs, which I also have of the same brand, but... not as comfy. Once again Jockmail is a Hong Kong company so like all East Asian clothes, they run small. I’m a M in most men’s clothing sizes... I am XXL in Jockmail. I also had purchased a brief harness from PeeCock (goes by inches for waist) as well. (Also where I discovered you need to go a size up- I bought a 34in waist brief from PeeCock and it’s a tad tight. I bought a 36in waist brief from Jockmail and it’s perfect. I have been buying 34in waist things for the past few years now- I didn’t suddenly gain 2 inches at the waist, I did suddenly gain a need for a deeper crotch)

If you look down your body from above it will be super obvious that there is a dick there and you will go “oh god I look like I have an erection”. I have been reliably informed that it is actually not true and if you pack correctly a bulge will be there but not so obvious that it looks like you have a raging hardon the whole time. Better to look in the mirror, rather than down your tummy.

(Additionally I voiced my doubts to my boyf who immediately reminded me that most people don’t spend their time staring at someone’s crotch and as long as I wasn’t constantly messing with mine, no one was likely to notice even if I did have an obnoxiously obvious bulge. He then gave me some tips on how to let it hang if I wanted a “natural” look, and when we walked around while I had it on he made sure to check in on my mental health. He’s cute y’all.)

Some (cis) guys will have a specific leg they like to let things hang against. Some switch it up. Some are okay with it hanging straight down provided there’s not a lot of squish happening. Find what feel comfortable and needs the least amount of adjustment for you, and then stick with that. For me, I’ve found straight down or off to the left feels better- a friend of mine prefers off to the right, another straight down only, etc. Also can depend on the size- some (cis) guys I know are a bit smaller down below and are more comfortable with straight down than those with larger weiners.

If you pack you probably need to shave. I was very uncomfortable until I shaved. Now I feel much better packing. So trim that jungle or else you might feel a pinch every few minutes when a hair gets pulled.

And there you have me this morning before I got dressed. As you can see, both fit very nicely. I’m not particularly happy with my stomach or feminine hip set but eh, I cover those with layers and no one bats an eye.

At this point it’s figuring out the whole hormones thing, yelling at my insurance to cover certain surgeries, and... fixing some minor details with my wardrobe... and I’m feeling way more confident than I was a few years ago.

Anyway if anyone has questions feel free to hit me up

[shy-magpie]

RQG 151

Moving the patreon names a good idea but changes to structure take up more brain space than they should. I hope they keep the reminder they moved it as a substitute, at least for a while. The rest of the structure is the same and I can feel my shoulders coming away from my ears as the theme plays. I choose to interpret that as Alex saying his players being fine is his highest priority. Borb Under the sea bed🎵. 1)its great when I barely start a thought before a player says the same thing 2) we will get our musical one way or the other 3)I know they're from an improv background but it never ceases to delight how joyfully they support each other's unexpected bits. 4) Alex seems like he gets a kick out of playing up his annoyance at the musical idea more than actually being frustrated it keeps coming up. I thought so but nice to confirm. Bless this cast, it wouldn't have been a huge deal if they let Alex's description stand but its so nice they not only corrected it, they did so without hesitation and Alex seemed to appreciate the help in getting to better phrasing rather than take it as an accusation. Not that I thought he would but feeling grateful for RQ not falling into behavior I see elsewhere. Also hearing everyone chiming in; with Bryn being the one to name check the trope instead of it being on Helen to always take the lead is nice to hear. "he was very encountered" Have I mentioned lately that I love literally everything about this show? Even when he thinks he knows exactly what the party is going to do and certainly knows what he is guiding them towards Alex checks instead of putting anyone in the position of having to derail. Cel! I wonder if cis people get anywhere near my joy in Cel having that kind of control over their body. I mean its just objectively cool even without the gender aspect so I hope they at least enjoy that much. I need cancan art. Did Alex know how delighted Lydia would be with the image of being popped out like a cork before he said it? Coo coo ca chu, thank you Ben Zolf remains 200% done and doesn't bother checking the door Ben don't! 92 HP, well that would be comforting if it wasn't Zolf. Like I don't think it's actually a death wish/that he is suicidal but well, see not checking the door. He is far too comfortable with the idea of being hurt. Alex:Chill sea dude Ben: sounds of objection Lydia: chill environment neutral dude Still love Alex's set design. A person! Bryn sounds alarmed about implications of the walk ways. Cel can shield themselves. Yes Hamid can armor himself! Also casts fly on himself & Azu. Thank you Ben/Zolf. This show does get deep into moral quandaries sometimes but unless these guys are as drugged as the Kobolds they objectively need to die. The dice love us Altruism run Darn it Alex, are you hinting they are drugged against their will? Azu feels tapping their shoulder then killing them is better even if they don't have a prayer of defending themselves. Oh I see Helen has our back and is checking for mind control before we do Kobolds 2: the guilt continues. Well yes they are surprised Bryn sounds so pleased as goes through exactly how many ways the odds are in Hamid's favor. Then he rolls 6,6,5,5 on D6s for 26 damage so no kill like over kill. Watsonian explanation: emotion is at least partially fueling Hamid's magic especially anything fire/desolation aligned, and there is no way he isn't overflowing with emotion after the last few hours. Zolf is happy to let Azu handle the last one and uses his action to ask if Cel knows what (something, the equipment in this room?) does. Cel determines its a notification board for the cell cavern. So these guys were directly aware and involved with the mistreatment of the Kobolds. I officially am dropping the last tiny part of me that cared if they were drugged/otherwise forced into the work. If they were cognisant enough to read that and still did it then its time to find Zolf's old bucket. Glad the table is having fun! I wonder what the face Alex pulled looked like.  Raw terror? The equivalent of a neon sign reading "I'm screwed"? I shouldn't have implied Alex would leave the listeners out, this is a wonderful description. Helen is more thorough than I am. There you go, time to die. Oh episode name drop. That's my Zolf, killing who needs killing doesn't mean we ignore collateral damage. And Cel just invented the departures board. Zolf: not worth destroying? Cel: If you'd enjoy it Priorities Heading towards the shore I like how Alex sounds pleased they broke his dungeon Vital info for visualizing this. Poor Azu is trying to swim while Hamid & Cel are zooming elegantly and Zolf is walking because boots or no he is ungainly. Hamid enjoying flying & Azu being adorable even under the circumstances is endearing. Correction Cel is walking Lockers & propaganda posters I can't put it in words but there is a connection being made between how little these mooks care about messing up shared spaces & the rest of the mundane evil that led to them being bucket worthy. Thank you all for the taking water breathing potions I'm not sure how I feel about Alex giving us stuff for free Oh Dear! Are the mooks heading to the village? Zolf is reassuring Never over the little touches Alex has to make the world feel more real like the water proof flares Oh Cel dear, 1)you don't know that, you don't need mourn your village while they yet may live 2)what kind of trauma have they been through? "Again"? Lydia gets a quick dig in about the party not being allowed to sleep. Cel shifts into a creature who can see. ~Break~ Nevermind just enlarge person Somewhere Babs is begging for a simple answer. I don't think we got a simple answer Hamid is reassuring Cel. Something both relateable and possibly a bad sign that "don't worry they have been spending all their time preparing to kill us, so they can't be attacking your people" is legitimately both the line Hamid took and probably the most effective possible. The others help too. I love how they openly care, reassuring Cel without telling them to repress or that they are wrong to experience the emotions in the first place. Lights and colors flashing in the water. The dice seem to be favoring Bryn today. There's a fight up ahead. They all run to the fight, Cel leaves them in the dust. Hamid flies after Cel since he couldn't catch up on foot The dice do know I promise I will appreciate the set design on relisten,  but for the love of god who is fighting who? Mooks vs who? Humans Yes! Alex hasn't quite gotten there but the cast sound convinced its Barnes & Carter. Ah is Wilde with them? Did Wilde tear his hair out worrying then send back up the second Zolf was overdue? Bleeping Carter Barnes sounds like he is having fun Carter is throwing knives at people. Odd knife & dagger are basically synonyms but not getting Sasha feels 2 vs 8 Ben points out Carter stole Sasha's gimmick Ok warming to Carter will take a minute but I already like Barnes Natural 1 on bomb throwing. Thank you Alex for not being a "death by nat 1 is funny" GM Alex keeps forgetting what a bad bum Cel is. Giblet heavy day Moving quickly past possible misgendering of Cel. Best way to handle that I think, no distracting corrections but Lydia doesn't let it stand. Thank you for being safe Hamid! Hamid protects Barnes. Love the extra extra pew. Finger guns! Alex is 3rd person level stressed Cel gets out the crossbow and punctuates their correction on pronouns. I love this podcast. I really, really, love this podcast and stuff like that shows they love their listeners back. Cel: Pronouns. Are. They. Them Helen: the dice say they/them rights Not sure if dead but 13 damage against one misgendering mook Hamid continues to shoot very well in support rather than endangering himself needlessly. Azu, spotting Carter: You! You? Accidently restarted the episode when I unpaused and now my phone is acting up, and is doing strange things when I try to fast forward to where I was. The annoyance at the above is cancelled out by hearing "Pronouns. Are. They/Them" 4 times Zolf: great seeing you again I love Barnes Alex the fandom appreciates this description Ah Zolf got Barnes into the Campbell books And they attempt to flee badly Carter finally rolls decently but not impressively Cel shoots one in the neck they're still moving Hamid mutters in draconic:  this is for the Kobolds Thank you Bryn Barnes successfully seduced <Azu> Helen I love that the trained mathematician is the one who participates in dice superstition Ben! Huh patreon names still make my brain happy. Wonder if it's something deep about community or I just got pavloved by it being before RQG & TMA for so long

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Ok I'm sending this in bc I'm genuinely confused and want to be corrected if necessary. Why aren't trans people taught to embrace their body instead of changing it? I've seen posts going around with words like 'its ok to be a trans man and feminine' and I agree because your gender is what it is no matter your outward appearance. why can't trans men be men and be feminine why is 'transition' needed? You can be a man with a vagina and that's okay.. I don't understand why that needs to change

Kii says:

If a man is comfortable with his vagina, then there is no reason that anyone should pressure him to change that, but if someone is uncomfortable with a part of their body and that discomfort is affecting their mental health, then they also have the right to change that.

I digress a little, but I think a topic that often gets left out of the body positivity movement is the right to body modification. So, if someone (cis or trans) has small breasts and they feel insecure and that insecurity is affecting their clothing choices, relationships, etc, then they have every right to get breast implants if they feel that is the best way to remedy that discomfort. They shouldn’t be shamed or told that they should learn to love their small chest because if they are resorting to surgery, because they’ve probably tried. Surgery is expensive and painful, so it’s generally not something people decide on overnight.

Many trans people experience dysphoria about their bodies and have experienced that for awhile before they make the decision to pursue physical transition. It’s impossible to know what’s best for a person unless you are that person, so trans people shouldn’t be discouraged from transitioning if that’s what they want, as long as they’re making informed decisions. 

Lee says:

I think people tend to overlook the fact that a lot of trans people don’t medically transition in every way possible, and there are a lot of trans men who have vaginas and choose not to get lower surgery. In fact, I think the majority of trans men don’t get lower surgery.

There are many reasons why trans people might not to transition:

Medical transitioning can be expensive and time-consuming

They may have health issues or disabilities that make it physically unsafe to medically transition with hormones or surgery

They may feel comfortable with how their bodies are currently and just don’t feel the need to change it

They may not want all the changes that come with starting hormones, or the scarring or potential sensation loss or complications that come with surgery

Some trans people don’t have dysphoria so they don’t feel the need to medically transition

Other trans people do have dysphoria, but try to manage it in other ways than pursuing medical transition wearing masculine/feminine clothing, binding/wearing breast forms, packing/tucking, etc.

They may be genderfluid or have a changing gender expression/presentation and not want to change their bodies in a permanent way

Some non-binary people may feel dysphoric no matter what genitals or hormones they have, so they figure it’s not worth it because none of the options are what they want

Some people may not be able to access medical transitioning due to medical gatekeeping

They may be mentally ill and can’t get a letter in support of them and their mental health (hello ableism) and their local medical teams may not do informed consent

They could be larger and a surgeon refuses to operate on them because they aren’t skinny enough (hello fatphobia)

Some people may not be satisfied with the current surgical options available and feel that they aren’t a good choice for them

Younger trans people may not be able to transition medically without their guardian’s permission and many parents/guardians say no

If someone is financially reliant on a transphobic or abusive relative they may not be able to safely medically transition

They may be able to pass without a medical transition so don’t feel the need to bother with it or they may not care about passing or not want to pass

They may be waiting to medically transition until they’re ready emotionally and when they’re in a stable situation

Some people would rather not go through the whole process of getting surgery and going through the recovery

It can be hard to afford to take time off from work to get surgery or keep up with school while recovering from surgery

Trans people who are comfortable with their bodies because their bodies are their bodies even if most people of their gender have a different body are valid

Relevant links:

Here’s What Trans People Who Aren’t Medically Transitioning Want You To Know- Buzzfeed

Transgender people: 10 common myths

On Choosing Not to Medically Transition: what transition has and has not meant for me

How I’m Transitioning Without Transitioning

Are you still transgender if you don’t want, or are scared, to have surgery or hormone therapy?

Debunking the ‘Surgery Is a Top Priority For Trans People’ Myth

So yes, there are some trans people who do embrace their body instead of changing it, and people who can’t ever quite embrace their body but still choose to stick with it.

But that doesn’t mean that path works for all trans people. There are trans people who just aren’t comfortable in their bodies, and medically transitioning is the path that will make them the happiest in life. There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to medically transition, and there’s nothing wrong with getting surgery and hormones.

I’m a trans person who has been under the knife more than once. I’ve been through major surgeries, a double mastectomy to give me a flat chest, and a hysterectomy to remove my uterus and cervix and fallopian tubes. That was about 8 hours of surgery and I’ll be going through a much bigger surgery when I get phalloplasty. In total, I’ll be going through at least 4 transitioning surgeries, maybe more (there are multiple stages of phalloplasty). And surgery has risks, it’s expensive, and it’s disrupted my life. I really wish that I didn’t need this surgery because it would make my life easier, but I do.

Trans people sometimes have to take drastic steps to reduce our dysphoria, but we do it because it’s necessary. I had debilitating depression that I had been hospitalized for despite taking antidepressants and being in months of intensive outpatient. Once I got top surgery, I no longer had to spend hours fighting off dysphoria about my chest and my depression decreased and my mental health improved.

Maybe I could live with this body I was born with- but I shouldn’t have to. If I could be happier after surgery, then getting surgery is the right choice for me.

And multiple mental health professionals have agreed with me on this- I’ve actually needed to get multiple official letters from licenced medical professionals according to the WPATH guidelines saying they think surgery is the right choice for me before I could get surgery.

Some statistics:

Suicide rates dropped from 29.3 percent to 5.1 percent when there was access to transition-related treatment. (De Cuypere, et al., 2006)

A meta-analysis of transgender people who transitioned medically demonstrated that the average reduction in suicidality went from 30% pre-treatment to 8% post-treatment, and that 78 percent of transgender people had improved psychological functioning after treatment. (Murad, et al., 2010)

86% of patients who accessed transition were assessed by clinicians at follow-up as stable or improved in global functioning. (Johansson, et al., 2010)

In a cross-sectional study of 141 transgender patients who accessed medical transition, suicide fell from 19 percent to zero percent in transgender men and from 24 percent to 6 percent in transgender women. (Kuiper, Cohen-Kettenis, 1988)

“Although more evidence would be welcome, adequately treated gender dysphoria is likely to be safer than the untreated condition, which is associated with an enhanced risk of depression and suicide. Reassuringly, few transsexuals regret undergoing treatment.” (Levy, et al., 2003)

“Second to social support, persons who endorsed having had some form of gender affirmative surgery were significantly more likely to present with lower symptoms of depression.” (Boza, et al., 2014)

“Studies show that there is less than 1% of regrets, and a little more than 1% of suicides among operated subjects. The empirical research does not confirm the opinion that suicide is strongly associated with surgical transformation.” (Michel, et al., 2002)

Testimony for HRT, by TransActive

WPATH’s statement on the medical necessity for transgender healthcare

AMA Resolution 122, which determined the American Medical Association’s stance on the medical necessity of transgender healthcare

The APA’s statement on the medical necessity of transgender healthcare

TranScience Project’s Hormone Therapy and Safety, which offers several citations that talk about the medical risks (and overall importance) for HRT

The Endocrine Society’s Clinical Practice Guidelines for transgender patients, which details their recommendations in full favor of HRT beginning on page 4

More info: What does the scholarly research say about the effect of gender transition on transgender well-being?

So back to the question. “Why aren’t trans people taught to embrace their body instead of changing it?”

Well, as I stated before, plenty of trans people choose not to medically transition. And those people aren’t visible enough. There’s a lot of pressure to medically transition and look cis-passing from both cis people and misinformed/misguided trans people (truscum/transmedicalists) because trans people who choose not to transition are often invalidated and misgendered. So yes, your gender is what it is no matter your outward appearance, and not medically transitioning is valid and it needs to become part of the mainstream narrative too.

But the trans people who do medically transition have probably tried to embrace their bodies, but that doesn’t always work. It just isn’t the way our brains work, for whatever reason. People who do choose to medically transition do it because it’s what will make our lives the happiest moving forward.

And there are many studies and experts who will attest to the necessity of medical transitioning for the people who need it, as you can see from the sources above.