#it feels 13 degrees hotter than it is (make that make sense) so my body thinks we've broken 100 f

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

It is so hot that I cannot function

[beatricethecat2]

"Another day or two?" Helena gruffs.

"Yeah, um, sorry," Myka replies.

"That storm postponing your flight was one thing, but this? You are aware our rental is expiring eminently."

"Maybe we can extend?"

"I already inquired."

"And?"

Helena grimaces, nose wrinkling.

"I-I'll find us a new one."

"No, I shall, since I've clearly been left to my own devices."

"I'm coming soon, I promise!" Myka yelps. "I'll stay wherever you want. Extend the car rental, too."

"If I must swap it at the airport, I shall be cross."

"More cross than now? How is that even possible?" Myka jabs.

"I believe you know the answer," Helena says, deadpan. "What exactly is keeping you there?"

"I'm figuring something out but it's more complicated than I thought."

"And this 'something,' how long am I to remain in the dark?"

"Not long, but..." Myka's shoulders sag. "I might as well tell you."

"If it's such a burden—"

"No! I wanted to iron out the details first." Myka heaves a heavy sigh. "Ok, here it goes...I'm figuring out how to work remotely. Mostly."

Helena perks up. "This is something you truly wish to do?"

"I..." Myka pushes a hand through her hair, stopping halfway, looking off to the side. "I've been thinking about what you said, that the Warehouse needs to evolve, that it's stuck in the nineteenth century."

"Such a travesty; agents sequestered in a boarding house with modern communication and travel as they are."

"It's not so bad, having your friends there when you need them." Myka's hand drops to her side. "I do love my family here, but if I'm honest, it hasn't felt the same since Leena died." 

"May I say again how truly sorry I am for your loss. She was an extraordinary woman."

"She really was." Myka blinks back a tear and looks down. "But it's more than that. What you said about only traveling for work, of never really visiting a place, that stuck with me, too. How you want to take advantage of all this new world has to offer, things I take for granted, because you've been given a second chance." 

"I can be quite persuasive when I wish to," Helena says, lips turning up at the ends.

"And I love you for it." Myka's smile matches Helena's.

"But those are my wishes. What are your own?" Helena asks.

"I think it's worth fighting for change, even if making up rules as we go scares me."

"You are fond of protocol."

"And you're not. So we complement each other. Or cancel each other out," Myka says, lips lifting into a crooked grin.

Helena huffs a short laugh. "And Pete? How is he faring?"

"He's super bummed, but I think he understands." Myka shifts in her seat, sitting up straighter. "You might hear from him. He said he wants to have a chat."

"What about?"

"A 'big brother' kind of thing."

"I'm surprised he's waited this long."

"Me too."

The air quiets, each waiting for the other to continue.

"There is one other thing. An, um, 'condition," Myka says.

"Just the one?"

"Hey..."

"I'd expect nothing less. Go on."

"I can't go on missions alone."

"Nor would I allow you to."

"Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"While you're working, someone will join you."

"Yeah, you."

"But I'm no longer an—"

"They want to reinstate you."

"Myka..."

"I know, I know," Myka says, waving her hands in surrender. "It'd be on your terms. I'll make sure of that. And I'll keep you in check."

"That's a tall order."

"Believe me, I know."

Helena grasps at her locket and works a thumb over its smooth metal case.

"We'd have our autonomy, mostly. Be working part-time. We're already doing it unofficially anyway. And I think we work well together." Myka flashes a smug smile.

"And the distance from the Warehouse? How will you manage?"

"Abigail agreed to be our eyes in the archive. And we already have access to the database."

Helena stares at Myka for a long moment, fingers clutching her locket. "Can this truly be?"

"I think so. I'm hashing out details with Jane, but we need a few more days," Myka says, smiling. "Find us a place to stay for a couple of weeks. We can figure out what happens next from there."

"With pleasure," Helena says.

"So...can I tell them you're Agent Wells again?"

"I've further terms to discuss."

"Send them over. I'll make sure you get what you want."

Smiles grow wider as they hold each other's gazes.

"So...what'd you get up to yesterday?" Myka asks.

"I traveled by cable car up Hyde Street. The views were breathtaking."

"You did that without me?"

"I was tired of waiting."

"Do not go to Twin Peaks or Coit Tower. We're doing those together."

"I shant. Perhaps I'll peruse City Light Books again and linger in Jackson Square."

"That's where those buildings from the 1800's survived the earthquake."

"Indeed."

"Are you feeling a sense of closure, being there?"

"I believe we could have had quite a pleasant life here in my day. But closure, that may only truly begin upon your arrival."

"I can't wait," Myka says, grinning wildly.

-END SCENE-

------------------

Bering and Wells: New Horizons ("Warehouse 13" Season 5 replacement) Season 1: Episode 8 Title: San Francisco: The 415 Blues Summary: A freak storm delays Myka's flight to San Francisco. Helena learns Myka's taken on more while home than just dropping off an artifact. New paths are revealed while working through a difficult retrieval, as well as an ask that may take them to foreign shores.

Previously: Episodes 1-7 (look in my archive as adding links broke my post last time)

------------------

After assessing the scene of a retrieval, Myka and Helena duck into a coffee shop.

"That facade's massive! How would we know which one?" Myka asks.

"'It'll be obvious,' Artie said. Far from it," Helena snips.

"Maybe spray it with neutralizer and see what sparks?"

"It's a landmarked structure, too high-key."

"True," Myka says, frowning. "Artie said it was a chain reaction. One brick radiating into the others. Remove the source and the rest will calm down."

"Once one pinpoints the source."

"At least we know it's in arms reach," Myka says, sipping of her coffee. 

"Do we?"

"Someone almost burned their hand on it."

"Nothing felt even remotely hot to the touch today." Helena screws the cap onto her water bottle. "The brick responsible could be beaming down from the loftiest of places. We'd need scaffolding to check properly."

"And that hill is..." Myka motions with her hand at a forty-five-degree angle.

"Is it truly a risk if it's merely hot to the touch?" Helena says, leaning back in her chair.

"Artie's not sure. He thinks wildfire smoke is 'activating' the bricks, making them think they're in the fires after the 1906 earthquake. So it depends on which way the wind's blowing. Prolonged smoke contact equals hotter bricks, and hotter bricks mean the building might catch fire."

"Because these melted 'clicker bricks' were used in rebuilding after the earthquake?"

"Uh-huh. And Artie thinks they caused a previous fire."

"The one where those girls died trapped in the basement."

"So sad," Myka says, shaking her head. 

"I'd read it was arson, meant to discourage the Mission House staff from rescuing those poor immigrant girls from servitude."

"It probably was. But it might not have spread as fast without the clinkers."

"I see." Helena's hand tightens around her water bottle. "We cannot allow it burn again."

"We won't," Myka says, touching Helena's hand to reassure her. "Maybe we can monitor it with heat sensors. I bet Claudia has a gadget."

"I'm certain she shall," Helena says, looking as if she's combing through a catalog in her mind. "We must set up surveillance in the buildings across the street."

"Maybe we can pose as historians studying Julia Morgan, the architect," Myka says, perking up.

"What a blessing it shall be we're here for an indeterminate amount of time."

"Ooh! Maybe this can be our thing, traveling places and staying awhile, snagging difficult artifacts."

"I adore your ingenuity." Helena leans across the table, planting a kiss on Myka's lips.

"Mmm...thanks," Myka hums as Helena pulls back. She lifts her phone off the table, fingers working the keyboard, texting Claudia. "Maybe this is a good time to, um...tell you, there's a...a, um...something else the Warehouse's asked us to do."

"I knew they wouldn't release you that easily," Helena says, narrowing her eyes.

"This one's about you."

"Aren't they all, somehow?"

"Kinda?"

"Well, out with it then," Helena says, sitting back, crossing her arms over her chest.

"The artifacts you hid, the Warehouse wants them."

"They believe there are more?"

"Oh, come on."

"They've shelved the Trident and Corsican Vest."

"And the Imperceptor."

"That was not an artifact."

"Fine. Artifacts and inventions," Myka snaps. "And they want us to follow up on cold cases you left behind."

Helena shifts in her chair and looks towards the bridge in the distance. "This is punishment for my unwillingness to interact with the Warehouse. You told them of my issues surrounding Christina."

"No. I said separating your body from your mind then sending it out as a lure for Sykes really pissed you off."

"This is not untrue."

"Pisses me off, too," Myka mumbles.

"They may threaten such a thing again should I not bow to their demands."

"We."

"Pardon?"

"Should we not bow. I'm part of this, too."

"Yes, as my 'handler.'"

"Maybe. But our definition of 'handling' can be kind of fun." Myka skims a finger down Helena's forearm, prying her fisted hand apart and threading their fingers together.

Helena lets out a heavy sigh. "I may not recall everything. I'll need my diaries."

"Do you know where they are?"

"At the Warehouse, of course."

"I meant the real ones."

Helena raises a brow.

"You know they know you hid them before you were bronzed."

Helena grimaces. "I once knew where they were. There's no guarantee they're still there."

"You've already looked."

"I may have, briefly."

"And?"

Helena shakes her head in the negative.

"Then let's start with what you remember."

"Or, start with the items I've hidden since?"

"Helena!"

"Punish me later, darling. We've a smoldering building to extinguish." Helena squeezes Myka's hand and brushes a thumb under her jacket cuff. "Did Claudia get back to you?"

"No," says, checking her phone. "Maybe we should get back to the apartment and do some research?"

"'Research' is our best course of action."

Both women smile in agreement, then rise and hastily take their leave.

-END SEASON ONE-

NOTES: NOTES: And this wraps up Season 1! As you can see, it's set up to transition to a second season, one fairly independent from the Warehouse. Who knows if that will ever materialize (but I do have a few ideas). Links broke my post last time, but look up Cameron House (formerly the Mission House) in San Francisco and Donaldina Cameron for more on that organization and the deadly fire. Clinker bricks are regarded as junk bricks - warped from being fired at too high a temperature, or in this case, mangled by building fires after the 1906 earthquake. Many older buildings in Chinatown contain them as the neighborhood scrambled to rebuild after the earthquake, because white real estate developers were poised to swoop in steal their land. In the Cameron House design, clinkers were also used decoratively in an Arts and Crafts style (there are other buildings in SF like this, like 45 Upper Terrace, also designed by a female architect, Ida McCain). I dedicate this episode to @blackfoxreddog !!

[clintashaotp]

Author’s note/summary: I’m pretty predictable at this point. Natasha!whump, Clintasha, team fic. April challenge day 13, I hope you all are doing okay in quarantine :)

1,686 Words

Fighter

.

The Avengers aren’t afraid of death. All of them have experienced life-threatening injuries in the past, especially the two assassins. All of them have woken up in hospitals they don’t recognize, or had surgeries, or been dragged a mile and a half to a medical jet. But bleeding out in the middle of a jungle is a new one. 

The mission was supposed to be simple. Get to the terrorist’s bunker in the center of the jungle. Tony and Steve were supposed to break down the gate while Clint sniped out guards from above. Banner flew the jet, and Thor helped keep the gates open while Natasha snuck inside and retrieved the biochemical weapon that had been stolen from a SHIELD lab. But things always go wrong. 

“Tasha. Natasha, can you hear me?” Clint whispers to the half-conscious woman in his lap. She stirs slightly, and Bruce bites his lip in concern. 

“We don’t have any supplies, Clint, and they blew up the jet.” Bruce runs a hand through his hair. 

“So what can we do?” Steve asks worriedly. “She’s been stabbed at least five times, for Christ’s sakes, and what about infection?” 

“I don’t know!” Bruce repeats. “We….we need to find shelter. Somewhere for us to stay until SHIELD picks up the distress signal.”

“I can’t fly,” Tony shakes his head, gesturing at his suit. “They used an EMP during the fight and fried all my internal wiring. I doubt I could get above the treeline, not to mention all the way to the base.” 

“Friends, I can fly ahead,” Thor offers, and they all turn to him. “I will go to the SHIELD facility that we came from and get some medical evac to come here, for Lady Natasha.” 

“Okay,” Steve agrees in his captain’s voice. “We’ll look after Natasha for a while.” 

Thor swings his hammer, then launches into the sky. The clouds darken, but when they don’t clear immediately, the fear of rain begins to set in. 

“We need a shelter,” Cap says quickly, and Tony salutes. 

“On it. Doctor, care to help?” he gestures to Bruce, who nods in agreement. 

“Tasha. Nat.” Clint murmurs again. “Clint?” she mumbles, and his eyes widen. “Ah--” she winces. “Okay. What happened?”

“You’re okay. You got a few knives stuck in you, but we pulled them out. You’ll be okay.”

“Jesus.” she struggles to sit up, and when Clint tries to push her down again, she glares at him. “Clint, I can sit up on my own.”

When she gets into a sitting position, she sways slightly, and Clint helps her lean back against him to help her remain upright. 

“We don’t have any medical supplies, the terrorists hit the jet,” Clint says, worriedly, and Natasha just hums in response. “On a scale of one to ten--”

“Six,” Natasha responds, lips tight, words clipped. 

“Yeah, it doesn’t look like a six--” Clint tries, but she cuts him off. 

“It’s a six, Barton. I’m fine. Okay?” he knows better to argue when she uses his last name, so he just lets her relax against his shoulder. 

“Hey, Master Assassins, we got a shelter, if you want to come.” Tony waves them over to a makeshift hut, where the scientists have taken the shell of the jet and covered the holes with branches and leaves. “It’s not perfect, but it’ll keep us dry if it rains.” 

“It’s fine.” Clint nods, and, to Natasha’s great protest, he scoops her into his arms. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” she growls at him, and he looks at her apologetically. 

“Nat, I don’t want you to hurt yourself more.” 

“Clint,” she says, her voice tight. “Let me go.”

“No, Nat, I can’t, you need to--”

“I’m going to be sick,” she says quickly, and he sets her down gently on the ground, where she turns her head and vomits onto the ground. “Ah.” she hisses, grabbing her temple. 

“Nat?” Clint asks nervously, and she waves him away. 

“Just...give me a second,” she mutters, hands on her head. “Okay. Okay, I’m good.” 

Clint looks up to see Tony, Bruce and Cap watching from the entrance to the shelter, concern reflected heavily in his gaze. 

“I’m going to carry you to the entrance now, okay?” he says cautiously, and she nods, not opening her eyes. 

He picks her up again carefully and carries her to the seats that Tony and Bruce managed to pull out of the wreckage, which has been fashioned into a makeshift bed. She hisses when he sets her down, her posture rigid and stiff, and he settles onto the floor next to her, ready for a long night. 

After a quick sweep of the plane shell, they soon establish that no food or water is nearby. Thor should have come back half an hour ago, and they have no idea how long it will take to get Natasha to a medical facility. 

It’s almost three hours before fever sets in. Her health has declined steadily, and as the team chatters aimlessly, awaiting extraction, her face has steadily paled, except for flushed patches on her cheeks. 

“Tasha?” Clint whispers softly to her, as to not alert the team, but she shakes her head. 

She shivers when he puts a hand on her arm, and he gazes at her, concern rushing through his mind. 

He sets his hand against her forehead, only to withdraw it quickly. 

“Tash,” he gasps, “you’re burning up.” 

“Sorry?” she says, her voice hoarse, her eyes not quite focusing on his face. 

“Bruce,” he says sharply and turns to see the other members staring at him. “It’s bad.” 

“I’m fine--” Natasha tries, but Bruce steps forward, ignoring her protests. 

“Natasha,” he says calmly, “how do you feel?”

“Fine,” she murmurs, but it lacks conviction, and when Bruce checks her temperature, his eyebrows contract with worry. 

“Alright. Okay, the infection must be setting in on your wounds, there’s even a chance there was poison on one of the blades,” he mutters, frowning. “But we don’t have any med supplies, god--”

“I can hold out until Thor comes back,” she says firmly. “Really.” her tone leaves little room for protest, but when Clint leans against her, he feels her trembling against him. 

“Hey, Natasha, JARVIS says your body temperatures at 101 and climbing…” Tony trails off, an expression of worry on his face. 

“I’ll be okay,” she says, but her voice is weak, and she leans back against Clint, her limbs still shaking. 

They sit there in silence. Clint monitors her closer after that, checking her eyes, her forehead, feeling her pulse. He knows that no matter the results, there’s nothing they can do, but he still feels the sense of dread in the pit of his stomach grow each time he feels her forehead get hotter and hotter. 

It is almost an hour before the conversation starts again, but it’s Natasha who tries to speak. 

“Clint,” she whispers softly, and he immediately bends down to listen. “I….I’m not feeling great.” 

“Yeah, Nat, I know,” he mutters, guilt pounding through his chest. “From one to ten--”

“I’m getting a little closer to an eight now,” she says softly, and he can tell she’s having trouble focusing. 

“Okay. Nat, I’m really sorry, all we can do is wait.” 

“I know.” she nods. “Yeah.”

“Do you want to hold my hand?” he knows it’s an awkward question, but he knows she can get scared when blood loss sets in.

“Sure,” she mutters and laces their fingers together. “Ah.” she winces slightly. 

“What’s wrong?” Clint frowns, eyebrows knitting together. Her blood loss makes her face pale, and her movements are slow. He can see her hand trembling when she grabs her temple. 

“I don’t know. Everything hurts. My whole body hurts.” 

“I’m really sorry, Na, what can I do?.” 

“I’m feeling kind of dizzy--” she whispers, and Clint looks down at her to see her eyes lose focus completely. 

Her eyes flutter closed and she collapses against him. He inhales sharply with worry and the other team members look up at him. 

“What happened?” Steve asks, approaching. 

“I think she passed out,” Clint says softly, placing a hand against her forehead. “Jesus.” 

“103 degrees,” Tony winces. “And there’s nothing we can do?”

“Nothing.” Bruce shakes his head, and Steve slams his fists onto the floor. “We don’t have water to clean them, and we shouldn’t use rainwater. We’re in a polluted area, it’s likely that it would worsen the infection.”

“We could at least try,” Clint bites his lip, and Bruce sighs. “I mean, we’re in a jungle, for christ’s sake, how polluted can it be?”

“We’re right next to a weapons manufacturing facility,” Bruce starts, but at Clint’s look, he sighs and pulls off his jacket, tearing off a strip and walking outside to let the rainwater dampen the cloth. 

“Jesus, she’s dying, and there’s nothing we can do.” the soldier hisses, and Clint raises an eyebrow, surprised by the outburst. 

“She’ll be okay.” he tries to comfort them. “She’s a fighter. She’s been through worse.” 

“We haven’t,” Tony shakes his head, “Not with her.” 

They lapse back into silence. Natasha’s unconscious form rests against Clint, and he strokes her hair away from her forehead carefully. Bruce hands him the wet cloth and Clint examines her carefully, pressing the cloth gently to the gash along her ribcage, which is still bleeding sluggishly. She doesn’t even flinch. 

“She’ll be okay,” he repeats, though it's more for him than any of them, he knows that.��

She looks so small in his arms, her brow furrowed, her eyes shut tightly. He holds her close. It’s okay. 

.

And she is. When she wakes up in the hospital two days later, Clint is sound asleep in a chair next to her bed. Steve, Tony, Bruce, and Thor are talking softly in the corner, and when they notice that she’s awake, they crowd around her bed. 

Amidst the chatter, Natasha makes eye contact with a sleepy Clint, and she smiles at him reassuringly. She’s a fighter. She’s okay. 

[essaysbyciara]

Thy Neighbor II: Lovin’ The Crew [Chapters 14 + 15]

[Prologue] [Chapters 1 + 2] [Chapters 3 + 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapters 7 + 8] [Chapters 9 + 10] [Chapters 11 + 12] [Chapter 13] 

Peace, family! 

Heads up: these chapters are somewhat long. Winston finally gets some attention! As always, thank you for the reads, likes, comments, messages and positive energy. Definitely wrapping this thing on up soon and that damn Yahya story too lol. 

Peace and love! 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Hey, Ciara. It’s Winston…

She knows who you are already…

Hey, Ciara! Thinking about our car ride the other night, just wanted to …

Sounds like you’re asking her out again…

Hey, Ci! 

Ci?! 

Hey! Made a playlist of those songs we talked about the other night. Wanted to share. Praying for you during this midterm season. 

Of course I’ll say I’m praying for her. That’s safe. 

All Winston knows since his divorce is playing it safe. 

Married at 24, he didn’t know much of anything else. Freshly married, Winston was on his way to finishing his Masters and thinking about his Doctorate. His wife was on her way to medical school with the goal of becoming a research pathologist. In fact, they pathed their entire lives. Degrees by 27. One child by 30, another by 32 and a move to the West Coast. They both wanted the sun that avoided them since birth. 

But in the midst of following the game plan, they forgot about their true dreams. Medical school was the dream of her parents; she wanted to study music and dramatic arts, having done a play or two in college. He wanted to travel around the world as a missionary. They both felt tied down by the dreams of other people. They wanted off the path they created for themselves. 

So they went rogue. She quit medical school and enrolled at Tisch School of the Arts. He started applying to missions and was accepted to travel to East Africa, to learn from the Ethopian Orthodox community. They were happy, their dreams were no longer deferred but as Winston planned his trip, he wanted his wife to join alongside him. Why do this alone? But that would stop her dream and with both of them unable to compromise, Winston left her to go fulfill what he felt was the mission of his life. 

Skype and texts could only do so much. She fell in love with a fellow student. He started an emotional affair with another missionary. Winston was warned of such a thing before he left, thinking he’d never fall for that type. When he found himself upset that his missionary “friend” didn’t text him “good morning”, he knew himself to be caught up. 

But when Winston returned home, he killed his affair. She hadn’t. He saw the Facebook messages, found some of her distraction’s clothes inside of their house. A condom in the trash can. He was done. 

He blamed himself for pushing an agenda to be free, to break from the plan they had for themselves. He quit missionary work and enrolled back into NYU to finish his Masters. She, however,  continued in the arts program and right next to her lover. She wouldn’t concede. Her dream was worth it. So Winston thought the marriage wasn’t worth it and he filed for divorce. 

Since then, he’s dated but failed, always attracted to women who would fit inside of this perfect picture of his life. Medical students, PhD students; he tried to find someone that could replace his ex-wife. But then he had fears of his future wife  living out her dreams only to find something -- and someone --- better. He felt disposable, like once she would find something new and better, she’d leave. 

Ciara fits the narrative with her dreams of a Doctorate and her determination to change the world. However there is something about her dreams of finding the freedom in her faith, for pushing individuality, for being her despite the culture’s insistence that her freebird self was the problem that attracted him to her even more. She thinks about shaking the tables. She isn’t about straight and narrow, she is about doing what her heart feels is right. And she found peace in her heart within her studies, something Winston wish he felt. 

And her hips swayed like the ocean when she walked, which Winston felt crash into his body every time he caught a glimpse of her walking throughout campus. Ciara stoked this lustful fire inside of Winston that he hadn’t felt in years. At first he believed all of his feelings to be wrong, writing Matthew 15:19 inside of his journal when some nights were rougher than others. 

Winston saved all of his cursing for when Ciara left his car, letting out moan-laced expletives as he watched her walk up the steps into her apartment building. He wanted her in all the right and wrong ways, readjusting himself in the driver’s seat to allow some room for the growth he couldn’t control. 

But after a cold shower and his bedtime devotional, his nerves -- and body parts -- calmed down. He gave himself some grace and prayed that night to not let those emotions motivate his actions. He’s seen many of his friends use the opportunity for sex as a reason to act like “good guys.”

Y’lan’s story was warning enough. 

But to Winston, she’s unattainable. When he heard Y’lan say that he dated Ciara, he figured himself to be out of the game. Guys like Y’lan are cool and of the culture. They don’t look like church boys. They have one foot in the church and one in the streets. Winston was, in all ways, a nerd. A Bible-reading, Jesus-loving nerd. Ciara doesn’t go for those, he thought.

Sitting in U City Coffee, awaiting Y’lan’s arrival, Ciara doesn’t know what to think anymore. Her ice coffee dilutes as she ignores her caffeinated pick me up by scrolling through Trevante’s instagram to see if she can find “Meganne The Intern”. Ever since that night, Ciara can’t help but think that Trevante is continuing to sex another woman into a mess just like her. 

Puzzle pieces start to come together in her mind: no wonder Tre held out for so long, becoming super affectionate and protective once they started having sex. She always knew deep-down that Trevante wouldn’t be able to handle her celibacy. Naivete increases thinking that a man who couldn’t keep his apartment empty if his life depended on it would be able to do such a thing for little ol’ her.

“Hey, Ciara. Sorry I’m late.” Ciara breaks her search to look up at Y’lan almost out of breath in her sight. 

“Hey! It’s okay. You breathing hard like you ran here.”

“Yeah, my bad. Just played a quick pick up game with some kids. They damn near ran me off the court. I lost track of time.” Y’lan’s body ripples under his grey Nike sweatsuit. He’s not dressed for a meeting and Ciara’s growing sexual angst does not care one bit. 

As Ciara walks up to the counter to buy a bottle of water for Y’lan, Y’lan works through his plot to confront Ciara about Trevante. Y’lan’s anger seethed from his pores listening to Trevante talk about Ciara as his future, as a woman that he’d want to settle down with. There is nothing settling about Trevante, Y’lan realizes. Having seen Tre at his worst at bars and hangouts, he knows him to be far from ready. Ciara would be up against the worst of them with Trevante. Y’lan doesn’t want her to get hurt. Again. 

Ciara comes back with her aqueous libation for Y’lan. Sitting down in front of her laptop, she looks down to see a message from Winston. Her curiosity overflows until Y’lan breaks her concentration with a question. 

“Before we get to this, can I ask you a question?”

Ciara knows exactly what’s about to happen. 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

She knew this day was coming. Ciara stops mid-sip, her chest growing hotter by the millisecond. Dreading what’s about to happen, she feels the mercy in Y’lan asking about it first.

“What’s up, Y’lan?”

“So what’s up with you and Trevante?”

Ciara becomes unnerved at the lightweight aggressive way Y’lan asks his question. Y’lan didn’t enter the conversation gracefully and Ciara can tell that he has no plans on letting up. She adjusts her body in her chair, tilting her head to the left as her eyes squint toward Y’lan, trying to make sense of his tone. 

“We’ve been kicking it for a minute. What’s good?” Ciara matches his energy and Y’lan feels the shift. 

“Hey, I’m not trying to hem you up. I’m sorry if I came off that way. I just went to go see him a few days ago and he told me about y’all, that’s all.” 

Ciara wonders if Y’lan told Trevante about their past. She suddenly feels every pipe within her burst. “Word? Cool.”

Ciara’s pretend nonchalance bothers Y’lan. Maybe she doesn’t care that Y’lan cares. Maybe Trevante found out in between then and now so her inaction to gain a reaction is valid. He decides to go for round two. He needs to know for sure. 

“Does he know about us?”

“No disrespect, Y’lan, but you should be the last person to be checking me about what I do.”

Y’lan nods his head to fight the anger growing inside of him. “I’m not trying to be disrespectful, Ci. I promise you. I just … you do know that’s my friend, right? When we linked up to talk about it, it didn’t seem like he knew. And I didn’t want to be the one to tell him because, real talk, that ain’t my job.”

“I agree with you.” Maybe Ciara is done putting up a fight, he thinks. “I’ll tell him.” 

“Bet, cool. Like I said, I ain’t mean to make it this big. I just...”

“Does it bother you, Y’lan?” 

Y’lan’s mind claims that he’s protecting Ciara from inevitable heartbreak. Y’lan heart knows that he wishes he and Ciara could try once more to get it right. As the battle rages on between his heart and mind,  Ciara’s pettiness rages inside of her body. Whatever emotions she possesses about her past with Y’lan are ready to be unleashed. She’s waiting for Y’lan to say just the right words. 

“That y’all are together? Nah, not really.”

“You sure? Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying to you, Ci.”

“I mean, you did lie to my fucking face for a smooth year so I don’t know…”

Y’lan walked himself right into that response. He braces for the rest of what Ciara has coming his way. 

“Yo, Ci. Don’t do that. I told you…”

“Told me what? You didn’t tell me anything. I found out after the fact that you didn’t want me. You showed me, you couldn’t tell me.”

“How can you say that I didn’t want you?”

“You left!” Ciara’s tears puddle inside of  her eyes as she tries to hold back the scream that undercurrents her words. She exhales, closing her laptop with swift aggression. Y’lan’s body sinks into his chair, his mind taking a few more seconds to ponder what to say next. 

“I know I can never really earn your trust after that, I know. I’m sorry. You met the worse iteration of me. I’m now a better person.”

“You know, I hate that shit. Why did I have to be a casualty of your growth as a person? I didn’t sign up to be a “lesson learned”, Y’lan. I wanted to be yours.” 

“Do you still want to be?”

Ciara and Y’lan both pause at the question that escapes Y’lan’s lips before it could be stopped. 

“Y’lan, I can’t… I’m not doing this with you.” Ciara shoves her laptop into her bag. Shuffling to find her keys, she looks down at her phone to see a text from Trevante. 

Can I see you tonight before you leave for your trip? 

Y’lan has his answer. 

Taglist: @doublesidedscoobysnacks @diva-princess-on-fleek @voyagetoadinas9 @walkrightuptothesun @wvsspoppin  @dreamlovealways @rockwit609 @thegayaxeman @joyfulwombatdreamermaker @blackpinup22 @hookedtoherfire @kris-did-it @l-auteuse @styleismyaddiction

[krnaturalphoto]

2019 Finger Lakes 50’s

Last year after running my first two 50k ultra marathons I decided to take the next “logical” step and test myself out at the 50 mile distance. Perhaps many people would not see any of this as logical but it made sense to me. I wanted to find a race that suited my preferences. My first two 50k races were very different from each other. One being very flat and one being much more rugged with a lot of climbing. I did not feel like either of those things suited me well for a 50 mile adventure. I really needed something in between, not flat but not too much climbing either, I needed to find something in my Goldilocks zone. I also didn’t really want to travel too far. I didn’t want to have to worry about any extra logistics other than the running of the race. So that obviously limited my options as well. But as it happens just the right race takes place not too far from where I live and even better I had some experience at this race. The Finger Lakes Running Club puts on the Finger Lakes 50’s race each year. This event is comprised of races of 25k, 50k, and 50 miles. I had already run the 25k in 2017 as my first ever 25k, so I was familiar with it. The biggest downside to this event is that it is held on the first weekend of July, and I do not generally do well running in the heat. In my first experience at this event I guess I was fortunate that it rained the whole time so that I did not have to deal with the heat.

Finger Lakes 50’s is a loop course event. Each loop is approximately 25k. So for the 50 miles I would run 3 loops, plus a half mile baby loop to round out the 50 miles. I was a little concerned about the course being loops because of the temptation to drop at the start finish line after the conclusion of each loop especially if I was struggling. I tried to reframe this as loops being a positive aspect of the race. I convinced myself that it would be good to get more familiar with the layout of the course as things went on and know what the course conditions were like out on the course. FYI course conditions can change mid race.

I was able to “convince” one of my best friends to go on this journey with me. And by convince I mean I casually mentioned that I was going to do it and then she was “convinced” to do it as well. We both have run the same two 50ks together and shared many miles of running and training and adventure. We are similar runners, so our plan was to run this thing together and share the miles, the adventure, and the suffering.

We spent the first half of the year trying to pretend that at some point we were going to be running 50 miles. We focused on all the other races we had planned. Once we both completed our 50k in June Finger Lakes 50’s loomed large. In mid April I had developed a some sort of injury to my hip/groin area that had not recovered by Worlds End 50k in June and really hampered me there. I already had tried just cutting back on training some prior to Worlds End. So, post 50k the only realistic option for me was to try and get some type of treatment for my issue and rest as much as I could and hope it would recover or I would never make it through a 50 mile race.

I went and saw a primary care doctor for the first time in about 20 years. I started a prescribed medication other than antibiotics for the first time. I began massage therapy treatment with Soul Ease. I also received chiropractic treatment from Market Street Chiropractic. Orthopedic doctor’s opinion was that it was likely hip bursitis.

The hardest part about trying to recover is that I was really cutting back my running, especially my long runs because that is what aggravated the injury the most. So since the goal was to rest it and not aggravate it I was not testing it either so I had no idea how it was going to respond on longer runs. Just over two weeks prior to the race I decided I needed to try to get a little feedback regarding my injury and test it out. I went for a long run on the Interloken Trail, a side branch of the Finger Lakes Trail and also a location of some of the trails I would have to run during the 50 mile loop race. I ran my planned 13 miles and I was pretty happy with it. I had no major issues. So for the next 2 weeks I did minimal running including zero running for the 5 days leading into the race. I wanted to maximize my chances of being healthy. I figured my best chance at completing this race was to be as healthy as possible. I could grind out the miles on tired sore legs if I at least had my health. After all my very first 50k trail adventure was a solo adventure on the Finger Lakes Trail with very little planning and no training and my longest run prior to that was a 25k, what could go wrong? That is was I kept telling myself at least.

So with less than ideal training and while recovering from an injury I embarked on a 50 mile race. Good idea? Only time would tell.

Race day arrived and it was going to be a hot one. As start time neared the temperature was around 70 degrees. 70 degrees is the temperature around which I start to be unable to sustain my running. Most of the races I have done in this temperature range have not gone great for me. The high temperature for the day would end up being around 88 degrees. Far hotter than I would choose to run in.

The 6:30 AM start time arrive and we were off. Down the gravel road we went and shortly we took a right into the woods and onto the trails. Pretty early on in the first loop before the first aid station there is a long downhill section that is on a gravel road. On a shorter race or at least a race of a distance I was experienced with this is the type of section I would love and run hard down to pick up time. In my one and only other experience on this course I ran down this road hard and was passing people, but that was a 25k race. With close to 50 miles still to go that did not seem prudent on this go around. We talked about how we wanted to handle this section and just decided to run casual, not trying to run hard but not putting on the brakes either. We just let gravity do the work, gaining some speed on some steeper sections and then letting speed dissipate on lesser grades.

As we made our way around the loop the first time the heat and humidity intensified. We played it cautious trying not to burn out before we got to where we needed to really hit cut off times. Especially in open exposed areas and other areas that felt particularly hot we took it easy and even walked. We walked when we otherwise could have run in order to save strength for later on. We were trying to strategize to mitigate the effects of the heat. If we felt like we needed to go easier we did just that without hesitation.

One good thing about the heat the past several days and on race day was that the trails were remarkably dry when the race began. They weren’t totally dry, but much improved from when I had been out in the area on a training run. This made running when we wanted to a much easier thing to do and made walking at a decent pace much easier too. When I was out on the trails two weeks prior there was significant water on the trails during the first loop of the course there was almost no water and not even much of anything that could be called mud except in a few spots.

We complete lap 1 in 3 hours and 35 minutes. That left us around 4 hours to complete a second lap. We took stock, refreshed ourselves, ate and drank, and then headed back out into the heat for lap number 2. At this point I was pretty confident we would get our first two laps done within the cutoff of 7 hours and 45 minutes. As lap two wore on the heat and humidity did not relent. I was having difficulty eating much of anything solid. At aid stations I ate watermelon and drank whatever non water fluids they had for calories, and I was able to eat some of the salt potatoes I had with me, but I wasn’t able to eat any of the other food I had been relying on for fuel that I carried and none of the other food at the aid stations were appealing. As the heat continued to wear me down I exchanged my hat for a buff that I could put ice in. Then at a later aide stations I added another buff so I could carry even more ice. Eventually, shortly before the half way point on loop 2, I gave up everything extra I was carrying just to try and keep from overheating. I gave up my food and I even gave up my camera gear which is saying allot for me considering I am a photographer who documents everything and that was the plan for this race.

Shortly after the half way point of the second loop I really started to feel the effects of the heat. As we ran, my hands started to go numb and I began to feel a little light headed and dizzy. I said I needed to stop running and walk for a bit. We walked and I recovered enough to run after a while. Unfortunately the same symptoms returned and we continued this walk run approach. My friend was not going to just leave me there in the woods even though I encouraged her to do so. We arrived at the first aide station after the half way point and I tried to regroup. I added as much ice as I could. I put ice in both of my buffs and in my shirt and in my shorts to try to cool down. The effect of the cold from the ice on the extreme heat of my body made me a bit dizzy and took me a moment to recover from. I used more ice at this race than I had ever used before at a race and more than I had thought I would. It was a necessity. It was the only thing allowing me to keep going. Unfortunately the ice did not last very long once you started running again. It lasted only mere minutes in the heat. After getting more fluids and fuel I needed more time to recover. I told my friend to go without me. I know she didn’t want to leave me at that aid station, but I knew that she did not have time to spare to wait for me and could not afford to move as slow as I would likely be going once I started off on the trails again. She looked back, frowned, then she went on without me.

I regrouped and then headed back out on the trails myself. I was moving slowly on the trails. The heat and humidity were nearly unbearable for me. Then it happened. First a trickle and then the skies opened up and a deluge of rain burst from the skies. In a matter of minutes everything was soaked. I was getting what I desperately needed. The rain cooled me off significantly. Not only did it help me physically but it lifted me mentally as well. It rained so intensely that the trails quickly flooded. It was like running up a stream. the trail conditions quickly converted from nearly pristine and dry to possibly worse than the conditions in 2017. I ran. I don’t know how fast I ran but I ran as fast as I could. I felt better and stronger than I had since the beginning of the race. I surged forward knowing that I had to beat the clock. I ran at a pace that took my breath away and eventually required me to walk and catch my breath. I repeated this run hard as you can then rest approach trying to surge through the storm. I was running so much better at this point that I actually passed a few people which would have been unthinkable even a few minutes ago. The change in weather and course conditions were so uplifting and provided such a sure of adrenaline with the chance to chase the clock that I completely forgot about the pain in my hip that had begun to bother me again. I kept looking at my watch thinking that I might actually be able to complete the loop in time to move on for a third loop. Could I actually do it?

The whole race my wife had been at each aide station to cheer us on. My friends husband joined our crew stating on the 2nd loop. When I emerged through the woods in the torrential downpour and arrived at the final aid station my wife was there in the pouring rain cheering for me as she had been all day. My friends husband had gone ahead to continue crewing for her up ahead of me as she continued to race the clock as well. As I arrived at this last aid station there was a new face there. Another of my friends had arrived to cheer me on and crew for us in this crazy storm. Seeing another familiar friendly face at the aid station helped to lift me up. They asked me what I needed. I just took a cup of coke. I told my wife I thought I still had time to make the cut off. It was then that she had to do the most difficult thing and break the news to me that I wasn’t going to make it. I had two miles to go, JUST TWO MORE MILES to complete the second loop. But I only had 9 minutes to get there. On my best days on completely fresh legs I couldn’t get that done. There was no way I could make it. My day was going to come to an end without even starting a third loop. As I write this I am fighting back emotions and tears are welling up in my eyes. This was not the outcome I was hoping for.

Despite the news that I could not possibly make the cut off I was determined to push through as hard as I could to what would be not the start of my third loop but my finish line. I somehow summoned the strength to overtake a few other runners on the road with me. I continued to run down the road, towards the end of the loop. I knew that the news of my imminent finish was demoralizing because as I headed down the road the pain in my hip that hope had vanquished returned more painful than I had felt it the entire day. I tried to push through it. I ran as hard as I could for as long as I could, but what was the point. I wasn’t going to make it in time. I walked and relieved the pain. Then when I could I resumed running again. This section of gravel road felt longer than any other stretch on the course even on the first go around, it felt interminable on this final approach before ducking back into the wood rounding the pond and emerging at my finish.

I don’t know if I would have been able to make the final cut off at the 10 and a half hour mark, but I wish more than anything that I had had the chance to find out. If you finish the second loop but do not finish in time to start a third loop they credit you with a 50k finish which is nice, but that is not what I was here for on this day. I was here to push myself to new limits. I was here to run more miles than I had ever run before. I wanted to get out there and try for that third loop more than anything. I would have rather start the third loop and not finish but run more miles than ever before then to finish my 4th 50k. I was here to test my limits and in some ways I did test my limits just not in the way I had hoped for. Apparently when I rolled into the last aid station I was not doing as well as I thought I was. My crew at that aid station told me after the race that I was a bit unsteady and wobbly during my time at the aid station and also appeared to be wobbly after I left the aid station and started running again as well. I did not get the result I had hoped for but I got an experience like nothing I had experienced before. Pushing through pain again, fighting off heat exhaustion, having a resurgence in the rain, and running with fun and joy when previously it had dissipated.

There is nothing better than taking on a new challenge like this race and having my wife and friends there to cheer me on. Running through most of my race with one of my best friends was the only way to take on this new challenge. I am so grateful that she went along on this crazy ride with me. I am even happier that she did make the cut off to start a third loop and then the final cut off to be able to finish that third loop. And I am overjoyed for her that she finish that race and that I got to cheer her on for that third loop and see her finish. That made the day a good day. Seeing my friend overcome the adversities I could not and succeed at this race that stopped me in my tracks was what I needed after not being able to finish. Having our other close friends there at the end was also a blessing. They were there to console me and cheer and celebrate her accomplishments. I am fortunate to be a member of this group.

It is really easy to second guess myself about this race and how we approached it. Should we have run harder on the first loop especially in places we took it easy? Should we have moved through aid stations faster? Should I have started taking on ice sooner? Should I have worn the arm sleeves and filled them with ice as I had planned to? Should I have not carried as much as I did for the first loop plus? What could I have done differently to produce a better outcome for myself? These are all pointless questions because there is no way to know how a change in any one thing would have effected everything else that occurred that day.

Looking on the bright side I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I can maintain enough fitness to run a 50k without a whole lot of training between races. I learned that my hip while not completely healed is actually getting better. I was able to run much farther in this race before experiencing significant pain than in my last race. I learned that if I ever run another long summer race I need to have a real strategy for dealing with the heat. I learned that I can run a 50k without having to change my shoes and have no major issues as a result. I learned that I still have not found socks that my toes will not poke a hole in. I continue to learn that I have a lot more to learn.

One of my goals with this race aside from finishing the 50 miles was to capture as much of it as possible on camera. I carried 4 devices for this purpose: my cell phone, a chest mounted GoPro, a hand carried GoPro, and a small mirror less Nikon camera in my pack. I was not taking many photos in the beginning because I wanted to save it for later when I was tired and needed to take my mind off things especially on the third loop. Then I realized what if there is no third lap. When I evenutally realized I had not been taking many photos and that I would be giving up all my camera gear at the next aid station I just turned on my chest mounted GoPRo to capture as much as I could of the race until the memory card fillled up.

I utilized my chest mounted GoPro the most because it was the easiest to use in the circumstances. I used my hand held go pro a few times. I took a few shots with my cell phone in just one spot. I never even took my Nikon out of my pack. The lack of photo taking was due to the heat and humidity requiring all my energy to just remain focused on the race. There really wasn’t much time where I felt comfortable enough to either stop and take photos or to just make the extra efforts to use cameras. Plus as I ended up losing to the clock there really wasn’t time for it anyway. An even more disappointing factor is that after not finishing the 50 miles I got home and uploaded my photos to the computer and for a variety of reasons, many of which are beyond my control a lot of the photos did not turn out well. So that was extra demoralizing.

The day after the race I needed to do some recovery. I tried to recover with Avital’s Apiaries products I was given to test out. I soaked my sore and tired legs in a hot bath with Avital’s Apiaries Recover Bee bath fizzies. I used their Recover Bee soap. Then once I was done tired soaking my legs I gave them a rub down with Avital’s Apiaries Recover Bee massage oil. After that my legs did feel a little better.

from 2019 Finger Lakes 50’s

[inthewrite]

Excerpt: Prophecy

They pulled up to the seer, Tracy’s, house, still in silence. Henry parked the car, and they simply stared at the house for a moment, both of them feeling the weight of what was about to happen. The blue, one story house, with its bright green door, faded paint and dying porch plants made Jess think they were attending something simpler, like a pampered chef party or a last minute baby shower. Not that they were about to learn the path they should take in order to accomplish the biggest thing either of them had ever done.

They walked up to the house, walking close to each other, taking comfort from the closeness if not from words. The door was wrenched open the moment that Henry began knocking and they were bustled inside, the early arrivals helping them with their coats and bags and offering the expected greetings and excited words of encouragement.

“Jess!”

Jess looked up to see her cousin, Kayla, waving her over from the far end of the living room. Kayla’s dress jingled as she waved, the decorative silver metal hanging from the sleeves of her dress sounding like bells. Her hair was pulled back in a sleek ponytail, the straight dark hair always so different from Jess’s own curly brown. She also seemed to have a better understanding of what to do with hair than Jess ever did. She already had a plate heaped with food from the potluck table.

Seeing that Henry was busy going over last minute preparations with Tracy, she headed over.

“Prophecy day! It’s so exciting!” Kayla said, before popping a ham pinwheel into her mouth.

Jess smiled. Chosen ones weren’t uncommon, in fact they had almost doubled in number in the last couple of decades, but it had been a while since the last one in their area. The whole community gathered in the local seer’s house, and since nothing brought people together like food, there was always a pretty good potluck.

She glanced over at Henry still talking with the seer. They’d known he would be the next chosen one since they were in the fifth grade, that information having been predicted, but kept quiet the year before. And it wasn’t just Henry. As everyone knew, Heroes couldn’t save the world alone. Along with the chosen one, a companion, called a secondary, was prophesied as well. Closeness of friendship was a factor in that decision, and she and Henry had been inseparable since kindergarten.

"How's he holding up?" Kayla asked as she offered Jess one of the chocolate chip cookies from her plate. When Jess shook her head, Kayla shrugged and took a bite.

"He's nervous, but that's normal. Everything's going to go to plan. He's ready for this." Jess glanced over at Henry and smiled.  As he stood there, seriously discussing details with the seer he looked so mature and ready. She could hardly believe this day was finally here.

She turned her attention back to her cousin and frowned at the wide smile on Kayla’s face. "What?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just nice to see you both ready. Promise." Kayla’s smile only grew as Jess’s frown deepened.

“Well, that and that you two would make beautiful babies. Fact.” she casually bit into another cookie as Jess stared her down. She swallowed quickly before answering, waving a hand to brush off Jess’ disagreement. “Oh, don’t give me that look. And since you’re both so serious business, you know they’d be those absurdly adorably quiet and thoughtful babies.” Kayla looked like she was only a moment away from squealing out of happiness for their imagined union and offspring. “Those are my favorite babies.”

Jess could only shake her head. Kayla’s dream job was to match up everyone with their “True Love.” She’d made do with an English degree with an emphasis on Literature. Not everyone got the career path they’d wished for when they were ten.

Jess scanned the room, and caught Henry’s eye. She smiled and began to look away, giving him and Tracy their privacy when he waved her over.

“Oh, gotta go. I’m being summoned.” Jess said with a smile, her annoyance with Kayla forgotten. For a moment at least.

“Oh, I get it. He’s hotter than I am. No judging.” Kayla said, shooing her off with the cookie in her right hand.

Jess navigated around furniture and groups of people, answering congratulations and fond remembrances of how adorable she and Henry were as children with polite, but distant thank you’s. She reached Henry and Tracy looking serious. “What is it?”

“It’s almost time.” Henry said, his fingers drumming out a beat on his leg the only indication that he wasn’t as composed as he seemed.

Jess nodded. Even though the last one in the immediate area had been 15 years ago, she and Henry had gone to enough of these in the surrounding states that she knew what to expect.

“Is there anything you need me to do to help set up?” she asked Tracy.

Tracy shook her head. “I’ve got it covered, sweetie, but thank you. I’ll go grab my things while you and Henry get ready.” She walked away then, leaving them alone.

“Are you still freaking out?” she asked.

“I’m terrified.” he answered, looking it before he broke out into a grin. “But it’s finally here. I can’t quite believe it.”

Her responding smile was smaller, softer, but she felt the same excitement. After 13 years, the day had finally arrived. How had that happened? How were they not still those excited and naive ten year olds being told of their future and not understanding what it meant?

Jess saw Tracy come back into the room, and tugged on Henry’s arm. “We should go sit down. It’s starting.” he followed her to the table Tracy was setting up with a plain table cloth, a kitchen chair and a cushioned piano bench. At first only one or two people noticed, but then larger groups turned to see the preparations happening in the middle of the room. Everyone went to find seats around the edges of the room.

The room grew quiet as Tracy settled into her chair, her hands flat on the table. Henry and Kayla sat on the bench across from her, both of their backs completely straight, their faces serious as they waited for Tracy to begin. Knowing how nervous he must be, Jess reached her hand across to grab his under the table. He didn’t turn to look at her, but he gave her hand a gentle squeeze before letting it go.

“I see trees, mountains, a stream.” Tracy had closed her eyes, and her eyebrows were tight with concentration. “You are going to Colorado.”

Both Jess and Henry relaxed slightly at finally having a location. They would get the exact coordinates for the rift later, they knew, but actually knowing where they were going was comforting. Jess was distracted by whispers coming from behind her, but she blocked them out as Tracy continued speaking.

“You will be a defensive team. You…” she broke off with a sharp intake of breath. Her right hand clutched the tablecloth as it made a fist. Jess leaned forward, concerned. What had she seen? But Tracy’s hand relaxed the next moment. “You do not leave earth.”

Jess could hear Henry’s mother’s relieved “Oh, thank goodness.” from the corner and she relaxed further. The average life span of a defensive team was easily thirty or forty years longer than that of an offensive team. Crossing through the rift did that much damage to your body.

“Beware meeting the hawk on the massive mountain, but do not fear the golden ones for they will bring peace.” Tracy paused for several minutes, searching, looking into the future for clues. She shook her head and slowly opened her eyes. “I have seen no more.” She smiled at Henry and Jess and came around the table to hug them. She hugged Jess tightly, and looked at her sadly when she pulled back.

Seers often felt responsible for the fates of those that they had prophesied about. It was their visions that could save a hero or if interpreted incorrectly, lead to their death. They usually looked happier after a prediction, though, which left Jess puzzled about Tracy’s behavior.

“Jess! This is so exciting!” her mother had come up to her, pulling her in for a hug, and Jess forgot all about Tracy.

-----   

Jess was mingling with guests later at the reception, taking pictures and trying to keep her conversations as brief as possible. It felt like she was answering the same questions, making the same jokes, the same comments. She kept an eye on where both Henry and Kayla were just in case she needed an excuse to escape when Tracy came up to her.

“Jess, I’m going to go grab some cookies from the kitchen, would you help me, please?” Tracy asked as she looked at Jess with an oddly stiff smile on her face. Something twisted in Jess’ stomach, warning her that this was not going to go well, but not seeing an acceptable alternative, she nodded and followed Tracy out of the room.

“What do you need me to carry?” Jess asked once they were in the kitchen, hoping that the bad feeling had been nerves or something she had eaten.

“You can’t go with him.” Tracy said, ignoring Jess’ question. Her tone was low and rushed.

“What are you talking about? I have to go, you know that.” Jess turned to Tracy, that sense of foreboding only growing deeper. Why would Tracy ask that of her? Helping Henry as he fulfilled the prophecy was necessary, besides being a total honor. She’d known her whole life this would happen. Secondaries didn’t just not go on their missions.

“I didn’t tell you everything. I couldn’t let you find out during an announcement in front of a room of people. And if Henry is going to find out, I think it should come from you.” Tracy had begun placing cookies on a tray, her agitation adding to Jess’ discomfort. They had their prophecy, they would soon be on their way. Cryptic warnings from the seer after the prophecy had been given weren’t how these things were supposed to go.

“Tracy, what did you see?”

Tracy didn’t look up from the tray. “If you go with Henry to fulfill the prophecy, you die,” she replied, her voice quiet. “It happens on Rouhn. I am so sorry.”

Aside from a surprised and entirely involuntary “oh”, Jess didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure what she should say. Instead of answering, she took the cookie tray from Tracy and walked back out into the living room.

[sundrenched-smilez]

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

[newidaho]

3.  FuTech Virtual Home School

Don’t have the time/patience/desire to read with your eyes? Don’t have eyes? Well, have your friend read you this:  You can check out the audiobook for free on Apple, Google, Stitcher, or Spotify.  Subscribe for new episodes every Wednesday!

12 December 2054

This was one of the most beautiful classrooms Charlie had been in all year.  The beach scene was especially nice considering it was winter in New Idaho.  Of course, it never got too cold by the Jungle, but if he ever happened to visit the mountains on the edge of town, Charlie had to wear at least a couple layers.  It was nice to be on a balmy beach in the middle of December.

Of course, most of the heat was in his head.  Though his visual environment showed him sitting on a beach in a group of about 50 other kids, looking out at the sun reflecting off the crashing ocean waves, the actual temperature he felt was no hotter than the room he sat in.  After four hours of class, however, it was easy to forget that this was a simulation—even though the sand underneath him obviously felt like carpet.

‘So, to recap.  If you see a number next to a letter, what does that mean?’  Mr. Carlson stood at the front of the classroom, the dark-skinned math teacher Charlie had met earlier that fall.  He had never met Mr. Carlson in person, of course, so it’s hard to gauge whether this was what he actually looked like.  It was always easier, however, to just believe that nobody doctored their looks in the Virtual Environment.  Charlie himself certainly hadn’t changed his avatar.  Even if he had the money to spend on a decent app for that, none of the students at FuTech were allowed to alter their appearance.  Technically, the same rule went for teachers.  There were rumors, however, that some of the richer students were able to get around this rule.  And it wasn’t hard to believe that the more popular teachers could get around it too.

‘Multiplication!’  The response was voiced with varied excitement by about 20 students.  At FuTech VR HomeSchool, it was drilled into the students to be grateful for their opportunity to have an education, and especially to have an education at FuTech.  After all, it was God’s Will that His children be educated, and the FuTech community was put here to train children and adults alike to carry out this Will in this next generation of Virtual Reality.  What some might call “Displaced Humanity,” FuTech called “Empowered Humanity”.  These new worlds, went the idea, were put here by the Lord Himself.  The Devil was in these worlds too, of course, but FuTech vehemently denied that Satan had any but the smallest influence in any of their students or simulations (for they oughtn’t deny original sin).  They prided themselves on their acknowledgement of God’s gifts.  That’s why all the freshmen were trained to respond with vitality to all their lessons, even though many were quite tired after four hours of classes.

‘Great.  That will do for today.’  Mr. Carlson started to put his belongings in order.  Charlie always thought it was funny when Mr. Carlson cleaned up—he could easily

program his papers to organize themselves.  Of course, part of the responsibility of Empowered Humanity was that they mustn’t forget the history of humans on Earth—Jesus had left them to act without such technological shortcuts for at least 2025 years, after all.  Mr. Carlson put his papers into his briefcase and continued, ‘Why don’t we stand for prayer.’

With a smile, Mr. Carlson motioned for everyone to stand up.  A breeze blew the palm trees around them, lending ambiance to the situation even if Charlie couldn’t feel it.  He noticed, however, that a couple of the students around him shivered.  This implied a couple possibilities.  First, they were likely in a sensory chamber, whether rented or owned.  Second, they had the money to rent or own a sensory chamber.  Charlie knew jealousy was a sin, but he couldn’t help but wish he could have felt even more present on this beach.

‘In the name of the Father and the Son we join hands in the Other World.’  The students moved into a circle and joined hands.  It wasn’t quite like holding hands in real life, but Charlie at least felt a pressure somewhat resembling a human hand due to his Lucid Gauntlets.  His were a couple generations behind, but at least it didn’t feel like he was holding onto nothing.

‘Heavenly father,’ Carlson started, ‘We gather here today, blessed as ever, under your watchful eye.  We thank you for this entrance into a whole new world, and we thank you for watching over us not only in this world that we share together today, but in the world that we all return to when we remove our Masks.  We pray that we may stay ever grateful for this new opportunity for education, and as always, for these new tools that you have inspired humans to create.  We thank you for the community these tools inspire and for the sense of belonging and kinship they allow us to feel toward each other and You.  We ask that you may further guide us in our pursuit of knowledge and that we may continue to learn and prosper with these new technologies.  We ask this in your name, and in the name of the Virtual Savior to come, Amen.’

‘Amen!’

‘We will have 15 minutes until the lobby closes.  If you wish, please stay around and speak about what you learned today.  I will be here if any of you have questions about the final.’

About a quarter of the students walked into the palm trees, out of sight.  Another quarter dove into the waves.  This representation of logging out provided a more realistic visual than the flash of light that might have been imagined by science fiction writers in the early century.  The remaining half of the students either went to talk with Mr. Carlson in a small group or stayed behind to talk with each other.

Charlie already knew how he wanted to spend his Extra Time.  As soon as the prayer circle finished, he had smiled and waved at a beautiful dark-skinned classmate across the circle, effectively welcoming her to talk with him when the day had finished.  Charlie, at 13, was admittedly awkward around girls, but something about the simulation gave him some extra confidence.

‘Hey Gamma,’ said Charlie when they finally met.

‘Hi Charlie.  How was your day?’

‘Oh, you know.  It’s school.  It’s not always fun, but the Lord provided this beautiful beach for us to learn on.  And we get to use what we learn to do the Lord’s work.  So it’s good.’

‘You sound like Mr. Carlson.’

‘Well, good!  Mr. Carlson is very smart!’

Gamma smiled.

‘So what are you going to do the rest of the day?’ Charlie asked her.

‘My dad wants me to help him outside.  It’s starting to snow, and he wants to put little sweaters on some of our trees.’

‘That’s cute.’

‘It’s a little silly—like, why have trees if they can’t grow on their own?  Isn’t that something trees are supposed to do?  But my dad tells me that even though God makes the weather we need, we still can’t assume it will be good for our trees.  He says that he wouldn’t put me out in the winter without a sweater, and the tree is like another kid, in a way.’

‘It’s really that cold where you’re at?’

‘Oh, you know, it’s not that cold.  But we get a little bit of snow around this time of year.  Especially over on the other side of the valley.  But it only really happens at night.  During the day it hardly ever goes below 50 degrees.’

‘It’s not cold at all where I live.’

‘Oh, where do you live?’

‘&^%#))@$!.’  Charlie could feel his lips move, but what he heard was a symphony of computerized beeps and blips.  It was one of the failsafe measures of the FTVRHS—you couldn’t swear and you couldn’t give away any personal information.

Gamma laughed.  ‘Oh yeah?  Sounds like a pretty tough place to grow up!’

Charlie laughed with her, but he had a feeling she could guess where he lived.  Just as it was obvious to him that she lived on the edge of town.  It made sense.  Gamma was beautiful in that way that he had noticed rich girls generally were.  And if she had indeed guessed he lived in South Jungle, he doubted he would ever have a chance.  But maybe, if it was God’s Will….

‘Oh!’ Gamma said, ‘We’re getting the five minute warning!  I think I’ll probably head out anyway.  My dad is waiting for me on the other side.  But it was nice talking to you, Charlie!  Maybe we can hang out sometime if we ever get play-date permission!’  Gamma squeezed Charlie’s hand goodbye, then ran into the waves and dove into the ocean.

Charlie accessed his own in-simulation menu by holding his arms out straight in front if him with his palms together, turning them ninety degrees, and spreading his arms apart vertically.  He placed his hand at the bottom of the menu, waving it over ‘Exit’.

Charlie’s screen went black and he removed his Lucid Mask.  His room was a much less attractive backdrop than the beach, that was for sure.  For one, he only had one small window—not much natural light.  He had a small bookshelf in the northeast corner of his room and a desk in the northwest corner.  His bed was leaned vertically against the wall, a measure he needed to take whenever he went into the Virtual Classroom.  Otherwise there just wasn’t enough room to walk around.  He slowly lowered his bed to the floor, lay on it, and looked at the ceiling, ready to contemplate the world.

Charlie had just barely begun his meditations when his mother simultaneously knocked and entered his room.  Charlie’s mother was still rather young, but she looked older than her age.  Though she had never been much for exercise, she certainly hadn’t treated her body well since Charlie’s birth, and at thirty, she was experiencing significant sagging in her gut and jowls.  She had kind eyes, but a hardened demeanor, and it was obvious she hadn’t come into Charlie’s room to catch up on his day.

‘Hey mom.’

‘Hi Charlie.  How was school.’

‘It was good.’  Charlie paused, planning to elaborate, but his mother continued before he could.

‘That’s good.  Hey, take five minutes or so, but then I need you to play some Mineshaft before dinner.’

Charlie liked video games, but after four hours in Virtual Reality, his eyes were rather tired.  Plus, even the most enjoyable activities feel less fun when they are forced upon you.

‘Hey!’  Charlie’s mom said.  His face must have given him away.  ‘How do you think we can afford a Mask for you in the first place?  How do you think we pay rent in here so you have a roof over your head?  And all I’m asking is an hour of your time, to play a video game.  Do you realize how lucky you have it?  This was not a thing when your grandfather was growing up, I’ll tell you that.  You couldn’t get paid to play video games for an hour.  But now that hour will buy us two nights of dinner.  So be grateful.  Okay?’

‘Okay,’ Charlie said.  ‘I am grateful, mom.  I’ll see you in an hour.’

‘Okay,’ his mother said and walked out of the room.  Charlie took a breath, tilted his bed back again the wall, and put his mask back on.  In his home menu, located in a room Charlie had set to a Japanese Dojo, Charlie waved his hand over the green cube with a big dollar sign over it.  The cube opened up, and three objects floated out.  He waved his hand over the one shaped like a pick-axe.

The Dojo disappeared, and Charlie was in a dark mineshaft.  About 200 feet ahead of him was a wall made purely of Gold.  So that was what he would be handling for the next hour, he thought.  A girl greeted him with a small cup of ore.  He took the cup from her and passed it on to the girl behind him.  He then received an empty cup from another boy behind him and passed it to the girl in front of him, who passed it up to the wall, where about 50 other individuals mined with pick axes.  This is what he would be doing for the next hour.  It wasn’t the most enthralling video game in the world, but at least he got paid for it.

Five people away, Charlie saw another boy remove a small sword from his back and decapitate a rat half his size as it pounced toward him.  Charlie shuddered.  There was something real about that aspect of the game.  He hoped he wouldn’t have to kill any rats today.  He took another cup from the girl in front of him and thought about Gamma, out in the sun, wisps of snow around her, putting knitted sweaters around young trees.