#it does feel like complaining over nothing sometimes but i did actually really struggle a little while ago when it comes to

[boundlss]

[ src. ] Which muse(s)s did you have the biggest inspiration for lately? / Why did you choose to make a multimuse?

Which muse(s)s did you have the biggest inspiration for lately?

well! that is not a simple or short answer because it's usually a lot of them at once. for one, there's shiroe---in no small part due to having become mutuals with you, but i do also generally just tend to have a lot of inspo for shiroe at any given time. i've said this before but he's the muse i absolutely relate to the most out of any of them so he tends to always be pretty high-activity and easy to write for.

jet (avatar) is really up there right now, as well as striker (helluva), who are really kind of the same general character archetype in two different fonts. i've also been thinking a lot about five pebbles today in particular, and dandelion. then there's always cyran azerrad kapral, ankita culathene, aurilis ayeva, yanna lazaros, and finnegan twelve---well, they're all ocs of mine so it's only natural my mind would be on them pretty often but it IS on them specifically pretty often.

not necessarily on this blog, but i also think about mark twain ( @antisatiric ) more than i even really think about shiroe, which is a tall order! and i've been doing some pondering over ronny schiatto, dallas genoard, pamela mccall, nader schasschule, and laz smith ( @drfeelgreed ) lately too. i've been meaning to get back to those baccanos but i don't exactly have the audience required on either of the aforementioned blogs to really, um, run a functioning and active rp blog.

Why did you choose to make a multimuse?

people who have followed me for a long time will probably know this but when it comes to what characters i feel like writing at any given moment in time, i can be extremely flighty. i get really anxious only focusing on a few characters at a time and it's sort of always been that way with my writing.

it just ended up being the most comfortable for me to have a bunch of characters i wanted to write all in one place because of that. there have been some muses i've strategically placed on singlemuse blogs---twain over on antisatiric is one of them---because i knew they'd get more interactions that way, and sometimes it actually is very hard for me to see people who run singlemuse blogs getting a lot more attention for characters i *also* have just because they only write that character, but i'm really not capable of changing the things about me that make multimuses easier, so ...

multi questions. / eagerly accepting!

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

X♡X♡ [SEVEN DAYS] Day 1

You're struggling a bit to comprehend the fact that you really did agree to this whole week-long thing with him. Luckily for you, Jungkook knows exactly how to ease you into things. But wait- why is he naked?!

Tags/Warnings: Porn with a lot of plot basically, inexperienced!reader, Dom!Jungkook, BDSM themes and elements, non-sexual nudity, safeword discussion, Corruption kink, some backstory on JK, Shibari, wax play, Dom/Sub dynamics (beginner/introductory), minor sub-drop, slight angst, dry humping, cumming inside underwear, massages, mentions of primal play, mentions of pet play, very light orgasm control, hinted praise kink, JK in nothing but dark grey Calvin's for like... 90% of this, hinted big dick!JK, they both in love it's kinda cute,

Shibari: a form of artistic bondage using rope to create visually appealing patterns on the skin.

Wax play: the use of body-safe candles to drop wax onto someone's skin.

Corruption kink: gaining pleasure from corrupting a seemingly innocent person.

Length: 6k words

-> Masterlist

A/N: I'll include a short definition of the kinks in every chapter because I just know someone's gonna ask/complain that I don't explain things enough in my works haha. Also my smut writing is kinda rusty I've noticed, so I apologize for that as well...

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"So.." You say through your food, chopsticks seemingly aiming for any piece of meat that could be done next on the barbecue in front of you on the table. "..do we like, need some fifty-shades-of-grey-type contract?" You ask Jungkook, who rolls his eyes.

"Absolutely not." He shakes his head, drinking some water. "Don't tell me you saw that movie too." He asks, and you shrug.

"Saw it with Jimin and Yoongi back when it was in the theaters." You say. "Yoongi said there was a lady who literally masturbated in the front rows, but I don't believe that. Who would do that in public?" You cringe to yourself, and Jungkook watches you for a second.

He's gonna put a no on voyeurism for you then, judging from that reaction.

"I'm surprised Yoongi went." Jungkook chuckles.

"Me too. Wasn't really sure why he did." You tell Jungkook, snatching a piece of meat for yourself. "He just complained over it the entire time anyways."

"Yeah, well-" Jungkook says, reaching for the scissors to cut up some meat. "-he's in the same scene as I am, so I'm not surprised he thought the movie was dogshit too." He explains, and your eyes widen.

"Wait, Yoongi ties people up too?!" You hiss, and Jungkook can't help but shake his head, laughing to himself.

"That's the tamest thing he does." He laughs. "Yoongi actually.. showed me most of the things I know." Jungkook offers, putting the scissors back to the side to instead pick up his chopsticks again. You wonder what he means by that.

"Like.. what?" You ask him, unsure- but you can't deny the curiosity inside of you. You had a hunch about Yoongi for a while now- and in a way, you can see him being in the whole scene a lot more than Jungkook. Jungkook is your fluffy buff but cute best friend- Yoongi has this odd aura to him that feels almost like a warning that he's hiding more of himself than he shows.

"I'm a Dominant person, right?" He asks you, and you shrug. "I like to be in charge, command and take the lead during.. scenes."

"Yeah, that part-" You say, stuffing a steaming piece of meat into your mouth, almost burning your tongue, "-I know about that stuff. Like, dom and sub, top and bottom all that." You nod, and he acknowledges it too.

"Good. Then you probably also have read that the best Dom's have been sub's in the past." He simply tells you.

"… so Yoongi tied you up before?" You ask, and Jungkook lets his head fall for a second.

"You're so cute sometimes, you know that?" He shakes his head, before he continues. "No, he actually didn't. I learned that part all by myself." He explains gently. "But before I could take charge, I had to learn. Someone had to get me into this stuff somehow, right?" He shrugs.

"So you and Yoongi were a couple at some point?" You ask, but he shakes his head.

"Yoongi and I had something similar to.. us, one could say." He explains across from you. "Simple exploration, nothing more than that." He tells you, before his chopsticks reach out to steal a piece of food right from between yours- and when you look up, he's staring right at you. "So now that I think of it, Yoongi and I had nothing like we do." He says.

"H..how so?" You ask, slightly intimidated.

"Because I don't just want to explore and leave you be after this week." Jungkook says. "I hope you know that I'm aiming for something entirely different here."

"For what?" You wonder, and he leans back, crossing his arms, grill in between you both sizzling loudly.

"Your trust." He shrugs. "Your love." He offers.

"What if I can't love the same as you do?" You say, a little defeated. You know Jungkook likes you- it's no secret. And you know he knows that you like him too- because it's no secret either.

"Then we'll search until we find what works." He responds.

"But-" You start, but he reaches out instead, a warm hand over yours cutting you off in midst of your sentence as he speaks to you, voice just as warm as his skin.

"I won't give up without trying first." He tells you. "And neither should you."

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"Why here?" You ask, as he adjusts the couch into a makeshift bed for the time being. You'll be staying the entire week with him, and you'd agreed to that, because you've stayed over a lot of times before. Jungkook's apartment is nothing new- it's familiar, like a second home, warm and comforting.

"Because my bedroom is too intimidating-" He starts, tucking in a bedsheet in the corners of the couch. "-and I don't want to ruin your own with memories that might be unpleasant." Jungkook offers.

"Oh." you simply say, unsure. You've not yet thought about the possibility of him doing something you.. don't like. What happens then? Will you have to leave, or will the week end before it's even begun? Will it make things awkward, and weird?

"Hey." Jungkook calls out softly, holding out a hand. You look at him confused. "The blanket?" He asks, and you remember now that you're holding one for yourself to sleep under tonight, giving it to him. He puts it in a corner for now, same with the pillows, before he pats the couch for you to join him on. "Are you scared?" He asks, and you shake your head- albeit a little unsure.

"Just.. nervous." You say. "It'll be weird."

"Maybe." He admits. "A lot of things are weird first time. Nothing wrong about that." He shrugs.

You sit down on the makeshift bed next to him, when he chuckles, and brushes your hair over your shoulder. "I'll go shower real quick, alright? You just get yourself comfortable." He tells you, and you nod, watching him as he leaves to walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

It's clear that he's taking his time in there, because even after an hour, he's not yet returned. Or maybe longer? You're not sure, because you know you've somewhat dozed off on the bed when you feel his hand on your shoulder, simple strap top giving him access to a lot of bare skin there. He smells nice, and when you reach out, his skin is warm.

Wait- skin?

The moment you open your eyes you're greeted with his bare legs- he's only really dressed in some… dark grey, very form-fitting Calvin Klein's that pretty much hide almost nothing, really. It makes you sit up suddenly, body having to take a moment for a second after the rather sudden movement, a chuckle heard from Jungkook who seems entirely unbothered by his almost-nudity. "Sorry I took a bit longer. I had to get some stuff." He explains, sitting up properly himself.

"Why- why are you naked?" You ask, unsure where to look. In his opinion, you're so.. adorably shy just from the mere sight of his bare skin that it makes his inner desire stir a little. The fact that he's gonna be the one to really help you discover some of your hidden fantasies gives him chills- the good kind, of course.

He can't wait for what you might be hiding.

"I'm technically not." He raises his brows playfully, before crossing his arms- noticing the way your eyes focus on them for a good moment. "And considering why you're here, you'll soon have to get undressed too." He shrugs.

"Oh.." You hum yet again today, looking down on your body. You didn't really think about that. Compared to his toned body, you're.. an embarrassment.

"A body is just a body." He tells you. "I know you don't like yours, but I promise you it doesn't look the same to me as it does to you." He reassures you.

"Do I have to.. like.." You mumble, and he understands.

"You don't have to do anything." He promises. "We can just forget about this whole thing-"

"No!" You deny, shaking your head immediately. You do want this. You do want him to.. love you the way he does love others. Or maybe you want to somehow make him love you in a more.. special way. You're not sure- you don't really know what exactly you want right now, but you do know that you trust him.

You trust him.

"I trust you." You say out loud, grabbing the hem of your shirt- when he reaches out.

"..can I?" He wonders, and you nod, raising your arms without thinking so he can easily pull the item of clothing over your head. It's cute, the way you already feed into his own interests and kinks, without even knowing- and is that a piercing decorating your belly button? "Good girl." He purrs, lifting your shirt over your head, before slip out of your leggings, sitting back down. His hands move around your back slowly, fingers easily finding the clasp of your bra to undo it, letting the piece of underwear fall down easily from your shoulders and into your lap. "Hey-" Jungkook says, and you look up at him. "-you're fine." He smiles, and you nod.

You're fine.

"You can keep on the rest." He says, referring to your panties. At least you chose some cute ones, you think to yourself a bit relieved, as you nod. "I know you said you can't imagine it-" He starts, grabbing some pale pink and rather… delicate looking rope from the side. "But I'd like to try it, still." He asks, and you nod. "I won't restrain you this time. I'll only show you what it feels like, so you can decide for yourself if you enjoy the sensation or not." He says, and again, you only quietly nod. "But before that.. we have to address this first." He chuckles, looking at you. "I need.. verbal responses from you. Not just somewhat of an answer."

"Like.. do I need to call you sir, or something?" You ask, and he smirks.

"If you want to, you can." He smiles. "But you don't have to. A simple yes or no works just fine for me. And-" He adds on, undoing the neatly folded nylon rope in his hands as he speaks. "-We need a safeword."

"A safeword?" You repeat, and he nods.

"Something other than stop or no that you say to end a scene and get you out of whatever position you might be in." He explains. "Preferably something odd, that you wouldn't normally say during sex, so it won't be used by accident."

"So like.. Tiger?" You ask, not really thinking about it, and he nods.

"Tiger it is." He agrees, tapping your folded knees. "Turn around for me, yeah?"

"Yes." You say, moving to sit in front of him, making him chuckle.

"Cute." He comments under his breath, before he positions the rope right under your chest. "Tell me.. what do you usually do?" He wonders, and you don't answer for a moment.

"Like.. when I do it myself?" You ask, and he hums an agreeing reply.

"Yes. I'd like to know." He tells you. "So I'll have somewhat of an.. idea what is safe and comfortable for you." He explains his reasons, while he moves and adjusts the pale pink rope around your torso. You've almost instinctively moves your hands to hold onto your neck so your arms are out of the way, and he can't help but grin about that.

So much to 'I can't see myself enjoying that'.

"Uhm.. I don't know-" You begin, unsure how to really talk about that. "I have like.. toys, n' stuff, and I usually do it in the bathroom cause I get the bed dirty otherwise.." You explain.

"Toys?" He asks, pulling the rope snug in some places- and while it's tight, it doesn't bother you at all, surprisingly. You understand when he said that some people feel some sense of security from it- it feels actually quite nice, even the knots you can feel dig a bit harsher into your skin.

"Yeah like.." You take a deep breath, somewhat to test if that's still a possibility- and you can, while his fingers seem to adjust some knots in the back. "..a normal… dildo." You cringe at saying it out loud, moving on quickly. "And a vibrating.. thing. I don't use anything else." You admit, and he chuckles, as he taps your butt.

"Sit up for a second." He commands, and you do so, letting him guide the two ends of the rope in between your legs before he helps you sit down again. "So other than that, I guess you just use your hand, am I right?" He assumes, and you nod.

"Yes." You add on quickly, squirming a bit at the sensation of the rope between your legs. You have to control yourself. It's clear that he said he doesn't want sex- yet.

"You're free to get.. turned on, by the way." He tells you, teasingly pulling on the ends that run through your legs as if to underline his statement. "After all, this is about you."

"But-" You complain weakly, trying not to move to much. "-What about you?" You ask, and he shrugs, something you cannot see.

"I'm getting my satisfaction, don't worry." He explains. You're not sure how that would work- but you don't question it either. Say.." He starts, tapping your elbows. "How do you feel, right now?"

"Good." You nod to yourself. "It's.. surprisingly comfortable. It feels nice." You say.

"It looks nice, too." he offers, hands moving over your skin, causing goosebumps to erupt on your skin. "Very pretty." He praises, and you decide you don't care if he's just speaking about his work- you take this praise for yourself, using it to fuel your own emotional state in this moment. He runs his hands over your arms that are now comfortably down, hands holding yours for a second. "Let yourself go." He chuckles. "You're still tense."

"I can't help it.." You complain weakly, unsure what to do. It does feel nice, you want to move- but in a way, it's not quite right yet.

"Then maybe I can help.." He offers, hands testing the waters it seems like as they run over your thighs, just touching, nothing else. "Would you want that?" He asks, and you nod, eyes closed. "Words, darling." He demands, face close to yours while his fingers suddenly dig into your skin, gentle punishment for not following what he'd told you to do at the beginning.

"Yes.!" You almost gasp out, when one of his hands moves to grab onto the back of the artistically tied harness, pulling you, arching your back for you as he forces you to rest your upper body against his arm. You can practically feel the way your underwear soaks up your arousal, rope suddenly moving a lot more easily with the help of it between your legs.

"Show me how your hips can move." He hums into your ear, and what should feel weird comes naturally. Like in a trance you follow his words, let yourself fall because he's basically seeing all of you right now anyways- and he's seen much more before, so how bad can it really be? You trust him.

You trust him.

You can hear his breathing right next to your ear, and your hand starts to wander- before it stops. "Can-" You begin, swallowing down before you can continue. "can I touch you?" You ask, unsure if the same rules that apply to you apply to him as well. It's only fair if they do, right? It's only fair to ask him for permission, right?

"Yes." He answers, and with that, your hand blindly searches- finds his knee, moves up his thigh, warm skin underneath your rather cold fingertips earning a change in the pace at which he's breathing in. You hold onto his leg for a moment, feel the muscles move underneath the skin for a good while, as you become more and more desperate for a release of any sorts. You want to touch him too, but you don't know how- so you just leave your hand where it is, not moving any further.

His head, meanwhile, leans down into the crook of your neck, placing soft kisses there, while the hand that's not holding onto your harness moves over your chest, grabs onto the soft flesh with almost rough motions. You can only imagine the sight of his inked hand holding strongly onto your skin, thumb running over your nipple as your breathing hitches, legs moving in any way you can imagine to adjust your position.

But it's not enough.

Only when his hand sneaks between your underwear, the rope and your skin do you finally make any progress, breathing heavier as his fingers seem to play around with you just the way you like it. And it doesn't take long for you to come undone, back arching more, eyes clenching shut as he helps you ride it out for as long as you can.

You notice after a moment or two how he has already begun to untie you- and in a way, you're confused.

"What're you doing?" You slur a bit exhausted, surprised yourself how much energy this seemed to have taken out of you.

"Untying you." He chuckles, continuing to undo all the knots while he holds you close to him.

"Yeah but.." You mumble, moving a bit so he can reach your back better. "What about you?" You ask, and he shakes his head.

"This isn't about me." He declines. "And I've had my fun, don't worry about me." He reassures, gently pulling out the rope from between your legs, making you cringe as you feel how wet you are down there. "There we go." He softly hums, running his palms over the red skin where the rope has left it's mark here and there. It doesn't hurt- though you do have to admit that your back and neck are kind of sore now. "How do you feel?" He asks, and you shrug- hissing when it stings.

"I think I pulled something, dunno.." You say, sitting up as he rolls up the rope again, setting it aside, before he helps you sit properly for a moment. "I'll go wash up.. sorry for the uhm.. sheets.." You mumble as you see the damp spot where you've sat on.

"No problem." He shakes his head, getting up as well to help you up. It's only when you enter the bathroom and Jungkook is still behind you that you suddenly question what's going to happen next. "What?" He chuckles, amused.

"Uh.. I need to.." You struggle, unsure how to tell him what you want to say. "I wanna shower?" You question almost, and he laughs.

"I know." He confirms. "And I wanna make sure you're fine." He tells you, and you look at him confused. "You might feel fine right now- but once that adrenaline goes down-" He tells you, a finger gently tapping your collarbone. "-you might not be."

But you cross your arms, stubborn as you are. "I'm fine." You tell him, and he smirks suspiciously, looking at you with his arms now crossed as well. "You said a no means no and I'm saying no right now." You huff, and he reacts at that-

though not in the way you thought he would.

Because he simply nods, uncrosses his arms, and sets some towels out for you to use. "Don't worry about running around naked, I'm not bothered." He simply snickers, before he leaves you alone, a moment of silence soon interrupted by him moving around in the living room, presumably changing the sheet over the couch. You slowly take off your pretty soiled panties, putting them in the hamper to wash before you get into the shower to clean up.

And much to your own dismay, Jungkook seems to be right, because suddenly, as the water runs over your skin and you're almost done cleaning up, you're not fine anymore.

Dark, rather upsetting thoughts suddenly grow inside your head, making you feel not shame- but something almost like regret. You should have insisted to do something for him, right? Maybe he wanted to shower with you because he felt like you were abandoning him.. just because he is a guy, doesn't mean that he's without any feelings. Did you upset him? He probably won't tell you even if he did.

A knock on the bathroom door is heard, and you're busy trying to pull yourself together, when Jungkook's still bare arm reaches out to turn off the shower, before he wraps a towel around you. Quietly he dries your hair with a towel before he leads you to your makeshift bed, now with new sheets, where you sit in silence until he returns with brush and hairdryer. Everything goes by in a blur, until you feel Jungkook's hands on your shoulders, his legs next to yours as he holds you close to himself.

You're waiting for the 'I told you so'.

But he doesn't say it.

Instead, he simply silently sleeps on the couch with you, letting you cling onto him throughout the small nap you take in the middle of the day as much as you want.

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A few hours later, when you wake up, things are.. weird. Just like you feared.

Jungkook is still sleeping heavily, right behind you with you laying on one of his outstretched arms, biceps serving as a surprisingly comfortable headrest. He smells nice, his body is warm, and he looks relaxed as he still slumbers away.

And yet, you feel odd.

He just quietly took care of you after.. what you did a few hours ago, but you don't understand why you actually felt that way. You know that it was irrational of you- nothing had happened, everything was fine, you made a decision that you felt most comfortable in. So why were you so distraught over it later?

Well, he told you that you might end up like that. You just didn't listen.

He slowly stirs behind you, waking up as he watches you already sitting on the couch, wide awake. He's careful but not overly cautious as he slowly gets up as well, simply observing for a minute or two before he decides to speak up.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, and you shrug. You're not sure. You don't know it yourself.

"I don't know." You answer because of that, because you can't give him anything than that.

"Hm, I can imagine." He hums simply, running a hand through his chaotic bedhair. "I knew you'd drop, but I also knew.. you had to experience it yourself." He shrugs, watching you with still sleepy eyes.

"Drop?" You wonder, and he nods leaning back on his hands.

"Think of it as.." he thinks for a good example, "when people go to concerts. And they end up crying afterwards. It's the same principle, at its core." He says, and only now, as you turn to face him, do you realize you're only wearing panties- just like he's only wearing his boxers, making you snatch up the blanket to cover yourself. You earn nothing but a chuckle from him. "What we did together gave you a rush. And without any aftercare, people crash down from it." He explains softly.

"So that's why.. you wanted to shower with me?" You ask. "Aftercare?" You wonder, and he nods.

"Its important. For everyone involved, not just the.. one receiving it." He offers.

"Were you.. upset?" You ask, and he shrugs his shoulders.

"A little." He honestly replies, and you're thankful for that. It only adds to your reasons to trust him.

"I'm sorry." You say, pulling the blanket a bit closer. "I didn't know."

"Now you do." He simply chuckles, a hand on your back as he gets up, and walks into the bathroom, getting some things you assume before he emerges again. He's still almost naked as he walks back to you, smiling in a friendly manner as he sets down a towel, and tells you to lay down on your stomach on it. You do as told- determined not to push him away this time.

He notices that change in your behavior almost immediately- and he can't help but feel excited about it.

You're swaying your legs a little as you watch him light a candle close by, setting it on a table for now before he leans back and watches you it seems like. You realize it's one of those he'd received in that package earlier today- and you're curious. "What're you doing with that?" You ask, chin on your arms.

"I'll.. let some of the wax drop onto your skin." He says, chuckles when you tense up. "Dont worry. They're body safe, very low melting point. I'm only using things I believe you can handle." He offers, when you feel something drop onto your back- right between your shoulder blades.

True. It's hot- but not unpleasantly so. Maybe like the warmth of a cup of tea maybe.

"After all…" he hums, one more drop under the last falling down. "…You're not only getting to know me.." he continues, voice almost.. sensual as he speaks, another two drops falling in quick sucession of one another onto your skin, straight on your spine. "…but I'm getting to know you, too." He tells you with amusement, free hand softly running over your back. "Your body is talking to me a lot more openly than you do, darling.." he purrs teasingly, and only now do you notice how dark it is in his apartment. How long did you two sleep? It must be almost nighttime by now- led lights and flame from the candle illuminating the room enough to see comfortably, while he runs his fingers over your skin, another set of drops falling down the length of your spine.

It's almost agonizing how slow this all is. Frustrating, even. But you try and stay composed, maybe that'll earn you praise?

It's only when he sets the candle aside, and starts to dig the heels of his palms into your muscles that you sigh out in pleasure, feeling how your sore neck and back relax. Of course he'd know everything about massages. Sometimes, you're convinced he knows everything.

It feels childish to think like that, but sometimes, you've caught yourself looking at Jungkook as if he's the answer to all your problems. As if he can just pick you up and whisk you off your feet, hold you close and fight all monsters like a knight in shining armor ripped straight out of cheesy romance novels. He makes you feel like that, at least. And maybe it's time to let him prove if he can be prince charming.

"There we go." He praises suddenly, hands still moving as he sits behind you, legs pulled over his thighs while he continues to push out the knots in your neck and shoulders. "Let yourself go." He mumbles to you, as if he's hypnotizing you. If he does, it's working, weirdly enough. "I'll take over from here, hm?" He asks, no, states, and you simply sigh, closing your eyes.

"Yes." Is your answer, and you can't see the way his lips twitch.

His arms push your legs closer to him, manhandles you gently to have your core right over what you assume must be his own length, barely contained in his underwear. You wonder what he looks like. You've been told you can't take much- how will he make it work? He feels strong, big- maybe too much to handle. But you want to learn, maybe there's a way. You want to take him, even if it hurts. You've never felt like that before- it had never been something.. attractive to you. But you want him to make you take it. You trust that he will, now that you think about it.

You don't even question if he will. You know he will- the anticipation lays in how.

Are you already realizing it? What you could have with him? Probably- maybe. Or maybe it's just the way his bulge feels pressed against your core that's making you dizzy in the head. Yeah. That could be it, too. The way it's hot and hard, giving you nothing but a teaser of what he's got hidden away from you. How cruel he is. You want to see him.

"So needy.." he hums, chuckles, as his hands move with the help of the oil from the candle, fingers sliding easily down your back, to find their way around your waist to hold you. "Poor thing.." he mumbles towards you, grabs a bit more harshly at your flesh as if to test, and you want to whine-

But you swallow it down, making Jungkook tilt his head a bit with a smirk.

Not quite there yet, he thinks to himself. But I've got six more days to go to make you mine.

"Tell me what you're thinking." He asks- demands, because there's no question about this sentence you notice. It makes your spine tingle, a sudden urge to please and voice out your thoughts boiling up in your throat, as you let out a breath first and foremost, and he can't help but be affected by it, length in his underwear twitching impatiently at the sight of you so lost in pleasure. Oh the things he'd love to do to you make him greedy almost, mind coming up with scenario after scenario he'd love to see you in.

How long could he edge you until you'd cry and beg for him to let you have your release? Or how often could he make you cum until your body would give up?

How far would you go to please him?

Would you let him hunt you down like nothing but prey, just to feast on you, sex all bite and scratch and nothing but primal urges needing to be satiated? Or maybe you'd rather play his pretty little pet, loyal at his feet, patiently awaiting his command?

There's so many ways he can think of to corrupt you.

And he wants to try them all.

"You-" you answer his earlier question, hiding your face in your arms as you move your hips, grinding over his crotch on the hunt for your release. He'll be easy on you today, won't tell you no, will let you have it if you so desire. "I'm.. thinking-" you stutter a bit muffled into your arms, "-of you..!" you press out, and he can't help his smile from forming as he leans back his body, pulls you a little more roughly over his groin, unable to hide his growl as you become more and more shameless, moving erratically to gain any form of friction from him.

"Good." he sighs out as an answer to you, hands grabbing at your bottom, the urge to hit the soft flesh at least once agonizing- but he controls himself, holds back, just as to not overwhelm you too much at once. Instead, he presses you down, helps the movements of your lower body, earns a whimper as payment for it, and he can't help but be affected by it as well. "The only thing you're allowed to think of is me, understood?" he tests out, and much to his delight, you nod.

"yes-!" it feels like you almost want to say something else- and he wonders what your choice would've been, but he doesn't pry. He's got enough time to find out about it soon, after all- and he can be surprisingly patient, especially when it comes to things he's passionate about.

And god, is he passionate about you.

Suddenly, he wants to know. Wants to test you, despite his earlier choice of wanting to take is soft and slow- as his hands reach out, arms hooking underneath your thighs, suddenly lifting you up, leaving you with nothing before he turns you around onto your back, hands on your hips pressing down, preventing any movement. "Please-!" you beg, and he watches in interest how you struggle against him.

"Please, what?" he asks, acting nonchalant. "What do you want?" he wonders as if he doesn't know, and you look at him like you're searching for something, or maybe you're just collecting courage. For what, he doesn't know- yet.

"Please- let me.. cum.." you try, but it's not quite right for him. You also don't seem uncomfortable with the situation- you seem more like you're holding back, like you're unsure, hesitant.

"Hm, that won't do."he shakes his head, leaning further away, though his hold on you still keeps you still. "Try again." he tells you, and you close your eyes, like you're bracing yourself.

"Please let me cum!" You repeat, though this time with a lot more confidence, and he grins at that, one of his hands taking the front of your panties into it, before he pulls it up, fabric slipping between your lower lips, already drenched in your arousal.

"Go ahead then." he tells you. "Give me a good show, yeah?" he almost sings, and you immediately move, frantically so, hips rolling in desperation as he watches, muscles in your thighs stuttering especially when he helps you assist, pushing you towards your orgasm a lot faster than you anticipated.

It leaves you gasping for air, hips stuttering as you try and catch your breath, core clenching around nothing for a good while. The moment you open your eyes you're greeted with the sight of someone more akin to a demon, a predator, Eden's sin recreated as a human person- the sweat on his skin making him look as if he's glowing, eyes sharp and pupils blown wide, one hand carefully running over your thigh while he other is on his-

oh.

Oh..

There's a clear and surprisingly big stain on his dark grey Calvin Klein's, and you turn red as you realize what that must be. It gives you an odd boost of confidence, knowing that the sigh of you had done that to him- had helped him get to this point, even if just a little. It still counts, you still take it- as he smiles, and leans down to gently kiss your cheek.

"Good girl." he praises quietly, and this time you don't mask your whimper of pleasure, this one of different nature as you bathe in the praise clearly directed at you, you, and only you.

You feel drunk.

But this time, you happily let him move you around, pick you up and carry you into the bathroom, where he helps you step out of your underwear, your state leaving no room to feel shy about your nudity in front of him it seems like. He's used to it- it's nothing new to witness, but considering it's you in this state, he's even more gentle than he would usually be in a situation like this. how can he be with anyone else after you?

He doesn't know. And for now, he won't think of that.

All he knows is that underneath the shower, and later on on the couch where you'll sleep for the entirety of the week, he's got you.

And he'll do his best to keep you at his side forever.

[irenewsky]

I recently read the Bungo Stray Dogs light novel called 55 Minutes and it has reminded me of how much I love the dynamic between Dazai and Kunikida. Their interactions are sometimes just comedic gold.

(Big spoilers for the novel incoming. Read at your own risk)

Dazai pouted as he rolled around inside the garbage can. "I was waiting for all the guards to leave. And now that the coast is clear, I'll just jump out of this and... Oops, I can't get out."

"Good. Hope you enjoy the incinerator." Kunikida glared at Dazai.

☆〜（ゝ。∂）

"What?" Kunikida's expression changed. "Is that true, Dazai?"

"If it were, would that change your opinion about me?"

"Don't worry. My opinion of you can't get any lower. Now spit it out."

"Ah, your praise brings a tear to my eye!" exclaimed Dazai with a grin.

☆〜（ゝ。∂）

Kunikida was slouching in his seat, drooping his head like an ear of rice. From the side, he looked burned-out, like lifeless ash.

"There was something... not written in my notebook..? That Atsushi knew before me..? My life is over... Just kill me.."

Kunikida moaned like a dying man, then flopped over in his seat.

☆〜（ゝ。∂）

"So you've finally given up being human," muttered Kunikida. He sounded thoroughly disgusted. "How does somebody survive even after stopping their own heart?"

"I learned how to do it during my quest to master the secret arts of suicide, naturally. Hearts don’t take long to starts back up, it’s no big deal.”

"Nothing you say ever makes sense."

☆〜（ゝ。∂）

"How does it feel to be able to listen to my beautiful voice as if I were whispering into your ear? You're so lucky. Oh, I know. How about I sing a song?"

"Just do your job!" Judging by Kunikida's roaring voice, it sounded as though he was standing behind Dazai.

"Don't be so serious. What's the worst that could happen? If we fail, we die. Big deal."

"Don't drag your sick fetishes into this. [—]”

☆〜（ゝ。∂）

"Kunikida," Atsushi said while placing a finger on Dazai's chest. "His heart stopped."

"I see... Atsushi," Kunikida said as if he was struggling to suppress something. "You know the procedure, right?"

☆〜（ゝ。∂）

”Oh, and I heard you guys had been discussing how to bring me back to life behind my back, too. Now I'll have to come up with a new plan to kill myself. But—"

"DAZAAAAAAI!"

"Oof?!"

Kunikida drop-kicked Dazai from the side, nearly breaking him in two and sending him flying to the ground.

"HOW...MANY TIMES...ARE YOU GOING TO...SCREW UP THE JOB...BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SIT STILL?!?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH...WE HAD TO GO THROUGH...TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE...?!?!"

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Kunikida, please stop kicking and choking and yelling at me!"

"The hell are you talking about?! 'Finally managed to die? You're no longer human! You don't deserve that right! If you really want to die that much, I'll kill you myself! How about this?! And this?! How about from this angle?!"

☆ 〜（ゝ。∂）

"You've got work to do!" Kunikida barked while tossing a stack of paperwork on Dazai's desk. "You need to finish your report of Standard Island, and make it snappy. The Division is growing impatient."

"Whaaat?" complained Dazai, clearly put out. "I mean, I guess I could do it, but... Kunikida, do you have any way I could cool off? Like with your skill?"

"I know a way you could really cool off, but it doesn't have anything to do with my skill. Want to give it a try?"

"Wait—really? How?"

"Stop your heart for two minutes, then let me resuscitate you."

”...I regret everything." Dazai stared at Kunikida with reproach.

This novel has made me miss the simple days when the threats the ADA faced weren’t related to Fyodor or vampires or all the other insanity.

Also, Kunikida did NOT cope well with Dazai actually dying or the stress that fighting against time to bring him back from the dead brought him. The man does care about him quite a bit - to the point that he has thought in excruciating detail about how to bring Dazai back should he actually die.

[Dialogue taken from BSD novel 55 Minutes, pages 64, 96, 108, 117, 184, 228, 230]

[missakward123]

Can I get a kiss? (And can you make it last forever?)

Gojo Satoru x reader, kento nanami x reader, Sukuna x reader

Jjk men reacting to you asking for a kiss when they are inside you/ or eating you out.

Warnings: P in V, no protection (wrap it before you tap it guys), Oral (f recieving), edging, overstim, spitting, degradation kink

A/N: I was bored. Hope you liked it! I literally was just listening to the song when i got inspo!! this has been sitting in my drafts like foreverrrr. (Stealing and modification of work is prohibited.)

Gojo Satoru:

To be honest with his clingy ass the better question is when he does not want kisses? But the need is even more when he puts his inches inside you watching as you struggle to take him-his sweet girl. But it's you who asks first (for once) because you need him in a way if you don't you will die, sort of.

"Mmmm h-harder toru' " You moan as you finally adjust to his size.

"Harder? didn't you tell me to go easy this time?" He snickers as he starts thrusting- white hair messy with sweat resting on his forehead and blue eyes focused on you.

You moan in response, c'mon with a dick that big you let him have the last word sometimes.

"F-fvk that your best?" You say biting your lip. Over the years you have known Satoru riling him up is the best way to get what you wanted but in this case? - god you really love digging your own grave don't you?

Satoru narrows his eyes and puts your one leg over his shoulder.

Uh-oh.

There is nothing but the sound of skin slapping against one another, your pussy squelching so obscenely around him.

"Ya hear that doll?" He says whispering in your ear.

"So wet for me huh? it's almost like you wanna milk the life out of me." He says voice low and hoarse, god really has favourites.

As he pounds so filthily, obscenely and shamelessly into you, you can't help but stare at him- the strongest proving himself to you.

"Nggh w-want a kiss toru" You say, more moaning than speaking.

And what his girl wants, she gets.

He bends down to steal your lips in a feverish kiss.

So sweetly, so euphoric, so lovingly.... almost as if he wasn't rearranging your guts.

All you can hope is things last like this forever him being yours and you being his.

As he stares into your eyes and feels his dick harden again and falls in love again with you he promises himself to go with an actual date with you after the shibuya mission.

Kento Nanami:

Oh, he is the kind of guy who is the definition of focused. Before he met you, he was focused on his career (still is- gotta have money to spoil his girl, right?) and making sure he was not a problem to the Neighbours.......

Now, the Neighbours were SICK of you both and Nanami's favourite activity he did after coming home after a longgggg day of tiring work and his sweet wife all dolled up waiting for him.

"K-ken the neighbours are gonna c-complain-" You stutter trying to speak a proper sentence which Nanami makes hard to especially when his head is trapped between your plush thighs and arms holding your hip -he doesn't want you squirming or does he? especially the way he is eating you out? he isn't stopping till you cry (if you are lucky).

"Let them." He says, focused on you, his meal. You look at him- so -so pretty, you think.

"You think I am pretty?" He chuckles, oops did you say that out loud?

Now anyone would blush at the sight- you so shamelessly sprawled for him on the dining table (the very dining table you both entertain guests as they fawn over how lovely and suitable you are for each other), skirt hitched around your hips, mascara smudged- wait, weren't yall supposed to go on a date? -and Nanami still in his suit tie a bit loosened from his hobby he was indulging in at the moment.

You are lost in pleasure, your mind too dumb to think straight.

You grab at his strands as his tongue flicks out to tease your already swollen nub.

"C-can I come? Please please please please-" you say like a mantra feeling your orgasm dawn for the 4th- or was it 5th?

"Hmmm?" He says as if considering it- so mean.

"No let's try something else hmm?" He says smirking- on his knees like he won't do this again- but he will, and you would let him.

"C-can I get a kiss?" You say panting, eyes wide open staring at the love of your life.

"Of course, sweetheart." Nanami says smiling the facade he puts up when doing this cracking up a bit, as he catches your lips in a kiss- you could marry him again.

A bit.

He smacks your ass. "Now, darling you decide- do I let you come while you are on call with the guy who flirted with you earlier or........ I don't let you come at all?"

Uh oh.

Ryomen Sukuna:

Now, Sukuna is a menace, suprise suprise! A bit bratty and forget getting to come this curse man is not resting till you are going limp in his arms.

"Ah! I am s-so-sorry" You stutter trying to get words out of your mouth.

"S-so-sorry" He repeats in a mocking tone- so rude- and he enters into you- again- "What, brat? Can't get the words out?" He says in a concerned tone.

Oh, he is FAR from concerned if anything it's as if he is well intent on breaking you.

"P-please don't tease-" You try to say. Heavy implication on 'try' because as you open your mouths and barely get the words out, he is spitting on your clit drawing harsh circles on your bud.

He laughs as he watches you gasp and moan at his actions. "Knew you were nothing but a slvt- just hungry for some cvck huh? that's why you were being so rude earlier?" He whispers in your ear- words slowing down as his actions speed up- as he increases his thrusts so unforgivingly.

"K-kuna?" You say to him voice whiny and so high pitch- he would probably laugh it he wasn't as pent as you and with the way you were clenching around him....

"W-want a kiss" You ask- no demand lips puckering up and Sukuna chuckles before capturing your lips in a feverish kiss.

And he watches as you smile and moan into his mouth too smitten with you.

It was you after all.

Your breath hitches and fingers dig into his back- a tell-tale sign you were going to come which- "Come for me hmm?" He whispers voice all low and seductive.

And you do.

A/N: Hope you liked it! I am NOT very good at writing it for several characters at once.......but I tried my best- please provide feedback!

I was gonna write for others too but y'know it wasnt coming off nicely these are the only ones which vibed :P

[merakiui]

hi ms mera! could i ask for some spare cater thoughts 🥺 hes my favorite and i want to know what you think about him (bc you had him on your want to write about list 😖) also fun fact!!! did you know pregnant shrimp are called berried shrimp because they look like they have berries on their tummy 🥺🥺🥺

Hi!!! I have some spare Cater thoughts in my head, so allow me to share them. :D

✧ camboy cater who originally started camming just because it was so popular and he wanted to see how far it could take him. he's surprisingly popular and even managed to trend a few times on the site he streams on. so far he's only done solo streams, but he's been watching you for a while, and he's nearing a major viewership goal. maybe he should give his watchers a little surprise. <3 viewers are a shocked when cater films with someone else. they can't see his or your face, but you're struggling sluggishly in your bindings and groaning about how it hurts. you've been drugged...or have you? it's all role-play, isn't it? right???

✧ sk cater who really wants to be famous so desperately, but nothing's working no matter what he does or how hard he tries!!!! so maybe he documents all of his kills. maybe he live-streams them. or maybe he live-tweets about it!!!!! he has this really obscure secretive account and it feels so dismal and bleak just from a quick scroll through past posts. it's an account where he can actually be true to himself, where he can vent, where he can complain, where he doesn't have to be so cheerful 24/7. he's spiraling, but even on this vent account the few followers he has think nothing is inherently wrong. he's just some person on the internet feeling things. everyone has dreary days; maybe cataloguing them here is his way of coping. but he gets a sudden spike in followers after he posts an update that will forever change the trajectory of his online life: so not cool that the human body has so much blood. :/ ngl it's gonna take forever to get rid of the stain. and then there's a grainy photo attached of a carpet so soaked through with blood it's practically drenched. cater didn't think he'd gain any followers from a simple post complaining about something so...boring. but then he realizes something. people like thrills. people like horror. people can't turn away from a car crash even if they want to because, at the end of the day, we are all creatures drawn in by destruction. and so he gets an idea: wouldn't it be fun if his followers could use the cute, little poll feature on his social media to determine a person's fate? :)

✧ cater who works a summer job at a harbor and falls for the cute mer who often gets tangled in the fishing nets near the shore. he's saved you too many times from netting. at this point, your meet-cutes are more recurring than they are rare. he thinks you're super cute and he takes a lot of pictures for his magicam, but at some point simple admiration becomes more of a terrible attachment when he starts to look forward to seeing you every day he works his not-so-cute or exciting summer job. when he learns you'll be leaving soon for your species' spawning season, he realizes he might never see you again. and he can't let you go; you're the only one who truly understands him! so the next time you find yourself tangled in nets, cater doesn't cut you free. instead, he hoists you over his shoulder, ignoring your frantic protests, and brings you home. you'll live in his bathtub until he can think of a better place to put you. and if you're so worried about spawning season, he can help you out. after all, you can always rely on cay cay! <3

✧ stalker cater who is driving you near insanity. you don't know anything about him or his unique magic, but you're certain you've seen double or triple or quadruple copies of him???? he's everywhere and nowhere. sometimes it feels like his eyes are always pinned on you no matter where you go. and he always knows where you are, where you're going, what you'll be doing. the breaking point is when you try to report it, but officer deuce spade insists that there is no such thing as "a dozen creepy, look-alike men" stalking you. this town is completely safe! he's made sure of it! you're prone to trusting deuce because he means well and has always been so sweet to you. he eases all of your fears and worries when he offers to guard your property for a day or two just in case. after you've left the station, deuce feels so bad. it's wrong to do this. it's corrupt. an abuse of power. but cater is his friend... but you're also his friend... oh, he's in such a bind!

[great-raven-parade]

What’s your opinion of Strange Frequencies? I’ve seen a lot of hate for it because of how it portrayed certain characters and the nisse.

I mean, I'm heavily biased but I actually think Strange Frequencies is the best episode in Season 3.

Firstly, like many creatures in Hilda, the nisse don't think exactly like humans. Sharing is an alien concept to them, and borrowing things is very different from stealing. A borrowed item is one ultimately meant to be returned, and if it's returned, everything is fine! Remember that nisse have an affinity for unused spaces and items- taking something that isn't being used at the moment generally doesn't cause an issue. In fact, it's what leads nisse to habitually clean, store, and recover unused and misplaced items! The actual issue at the start of Strange Frequencies is that nisse are accusing each other of 'stealing' over the fact that terms to return items haven't been communicated. Communication, especially with each other, isn't something nisse excel at on their own. So, after Hilda and friends do the work in communicating and setting it up, the lending library concept works so well that they don't even need to moderate it. The nisse value system is such that 'No one owns these items. You can borrow them, just put them back in this specific location when you're done' just clicks. I've also seen complains that Tontu in particular is being uncharacteristically bratty in this episode. I'd argue he's extremely in-character (and that nisse are allowed to be bratty sometimes. As a treat). Remember that the radio he's bickering with Hilda over is one that Hilda likely hasn't used much since she stopped listening to Victoria's original radio show after the events of The Storm. They both know it's Hilda's old radio, but Tontu has probably always been able to borrow it whenever he wants to without issue, and it's only in Strange Frequencies that she starts to become bothered about 'sharing' it. One thing I really love about Tontu's character is that he complains about other nisse, and then acts... Exactly like the other nisse. And other nisse do the same. And that's quirky and fun, and never portrayed by the show as a bad thing- Not even in this episode. Once again, nisse (or elves or what have you) don't think like humans, and that's something to be accepted rather than changed! And of course, on top of it all, Tontu is just not great at showing emotion or reading it from others- He's struggled with that since meeting Hilda all the way back in season 1. He cares about Hilda more than a radio show, of course he does, but doesn't fully understand that Hilda is upset about losing Anders again, rather than who gets to use the radio right now. Hilda and Frida's flaws are also in conflict again in this episode, similarly to their fight in The Ghost (Notice how the montage shows Frida looking sadly at a picture of her, Hilda, and David when nothing they did or said in the scene before should have remotely made her doubt she'd see her friends tomorrow). Hilda is determined and resilient, but that same trait can make her obsessive in the wrong situations. She has difficulty letting things go when she doesn't feel they've been truly resolved. Meanwhile, Frida is organized and ambitious, but has difficulty putting her own point of view aside to see someone else's. So, Frida struggles dealing with the nisse (who can only be met where they're at), and Hilda is too focused on Anders to help Frida realize they need a different approach. Of course, Hilda and Frida communicate with each other and make up before coming close to the point of their s1 fight, but I do think the echoes of it are there. Frida and David don't leave Hilda because they don't care she's upset about her dad- But I think Frida may be feeling some awfully familiar frustrations to the Ghost situation and that's why she needs to take some time away. I also think it says a lot about how the two of them have grown as friends that this situation goes so much differently than the fight in Season 1! And while it's clear it was a difficult time to have to walk away, it does lead to everyone having time to think and come back together with clearer heads the next morning.

So yeah. Overall I think Strange Frequencies actually does a great job with the nisse and their blue and orange morality! It also does a good job with the main cast's characterizations- It's just focused on a situation where some of their best qualities play as flaws, which is different from what we see in most other episodes, but not totally unprecedented.

[forestenjoyer]

tw leftist meme

this is more of a vent post than anything so be nice and bear with me. i was feeling down earlier so i did some writing to try to get my thoughts straight, and i wrote this.

Every time i feel down, i wonder what it that makes me feel this way. And there are many things. Is it species dysphoria? Sometimes. Is it fear of the future? fear of never living my one life the way i want to? Dread of the increasing amount of people who seemingly hate my kind? Fear for me and the people i love? Climate Anxiety? Loneliness? Yeah, sometimes. But sometimes I can't figure it out, and there is a thought in the back of my mind, and it never goes away. I try to tell myself that some days I'm just not feeling it, and thats true. But sometimes i get upset because i cant really disprove the thought. I'm scared of capitalism, and I'm scared of the way it poisons everything that i love.

When I first heard the thought, i was a social democrat, and it was easy for me to just tell myself that i was being ridiculous. but after time, the thought dawned on me, and everywhere i looked, i saw evidence.

Corporations exist to make a profit. They don't care about us being satisfied unless it's profitable to them. When they get influential enough, people begin to become dependent on them. Once this happens, they can gouge prices for more profit, as they are doing now. What will the government do? Nothing, because more often than not, they have an incentive to support the company. Perhaps the company is a donor, perhaps they are bribed, perhaps the obscene wealth makes them look good by some measurements, or perhaps they themselves are a CEO.

So, right. The government, who is allegedly supposed to take care of us, the people, isn't going to help, as it hasn't. So it's up to us, but say this company provides a vital service and is the only one who does so at any reasonable quality (Google), or has people addicted (Meta, McDonald's), or has so much variety and power that avoiding it is incredibly difficult (Disney, Nestle). If this is the case, which is is, it's very hard to boycott them.and those who advocate for change or participate in attempts to force change are mocked and taunted by bad actors and gullible folk. And by bad actors, I mean people who defend the company because they too own businesses. Landlords, local business owners, and so on. They are middle class twats who have never had to suffer the struggle of a normal person. And yet they LARP as us, calling themselves everyday hardworking folk, but actually own a business or an estate and have never had to confront the fears of tenancy, homelessness, poverty, and so on.

And i despise these people. They pretend to be us, and trivialise our struggle, saying lifes not that hard, and even call us elitists and entitled, and complain about us. And they manipulate and lie like this and act like they suffer while they collect rent from tenants after their third overseas holiday of the year.

And maybe you believe in reform. I did too. But do you ever find yourself asking 'How?' Do you ever grow weary of politicians throwing you and your movement under the bus? Or failing to fulfill their promises? Do you ever catch yourself thinking 'this is hopeless'? What do you do when you hear that, or when others tell you that? A reasonable person would take it in good faith, consider it, and try to find its flaws. And if you really knew that reform was possible, or realistic, you could explain why to yourself. I never could. I would joke around and throw insults because I couldn't argue with it, and everyone else did the same. I thought 'those stupid leftists are so foolish' and said it was ridiculous.

And thats why I caved, After all, if you cant see a way for peaceful protests and voting alone to bring change, and have watched it fail to over and over again, is it not reasonable to turn to the ideas that can give you answers, that being anarchism? The government cannot ignore a riot like it can ignore a peaceful protest. And if the government cannot and will not help us, we will have to help ourselves and each other.

And this is only a small part of it. I hate how it has ruined and weaponised science and strangled art. I hate how it destroys the environment. and i cant stand the way it does so with such self righteousness and entitlement

[petruchio]

Unsolicited advice (heinous crime — feel free to delete) but bestie I feel like your heart might be speaking? Is it that you don’t think she’d be the bigger person for you, if the roles were reversed?

Typically, I think it’s wise to critique feelings of superiority. To remember that you’ve probably done stuff like this, maybe even unintentionally, in the past. Which makes being the bigger person WAY easier.

But it gets harder when the other person is never doing it though. If it’s always you doing the hashing out and the communication.

When my best friend has done me wrong I want to reach out and say how I feel, I have the desire to patch things up regardless of who’s at fault. Because the blame isn’t important, or it’s less important than the friendship. It’s easier to feel that way, because I know we’ll both own up to how we’ve made each other feel and that there will be two sides to the story.

I wonder if maybe you don’t feel like you can trust her to do that. You don’t think she’d do the same for you if the situation was reversed?

If so, maybe it’s time to let the friendship be not so deep? If not, then why isn’t it worth it to hash things out regardless of fault?

honestly thank you! this is such GOOD advice and honestly really balanced!!

i think one of the troubling things in this situation for me is that i just would never do this to someone. so it’s hard to imagine what would happen if the roles were reversed because i wouldn’t have done it; i would’ve known it was a mean girl move and i wouldn’t do it! that was literally my first thought when the whole thing sort of went down, i thought to myself “i would never do this to someone.”

but to your point, it’s good to question that. bc im sure i’ve made people feel left out — im sure i have!! but in this specific case it upsets me bc something similar happened a couple months ago and i actually did communicate that it hurt my feelings. i took a couple weeks to do it and i had to work up to it, but i eventually did bring it up and say that it hurt my feelings. and for me, one thing that really bothers me in a friendship is when i communicate something that bothers me and the other person does it again. bc i can forgive the first time, maybe you didn’t know it hurts someone to do xyz. but after someone tells you that they don’t like something, what possible reason could you have to do it again if not to hurt them?

(and sure sure, there’s a thousand reasons they wanted to make those plans that have nothing to do with me, im not saying it was a personal thing. but she still KNEW it would be hurtful, and she KNEW i would be upset. and she did it anyway. and imo it’s even more incriminating that she’s avoided me for 2 days afterwards. bc i haven’t said that im upset, so to me she’s just making it obvious that she knows she did a mean thing and doesn’t want to face it!)

but yeah your question is good and honestly something worth thinking about. bc i do think it would be worth hashing it out, and the friendship does mean a lot to me. i guess maybe what’s stopping me is that i feel like we’ve already had this discussion. like she knows it upsets me — so why do i need to reopen that wound and dredge up all the hurt and bad emotions again when she already knows? so that’s where your point about trust resonates. i don’t know if i DO trust her in this instance. i don’t know if she’d own up to it or apologize, maybe she would maybe she wouldn’t. but maybe the trust im feeling that’s broken is that i don’t trust her not to do it again. which makes having the conversation at all feel kind of pointless.

i guess i struggle with knowing when im leaning into my avoidant “people will always let you down so just give up on them first” side and when i’m putting some healthy distance in a friendship after someone hurts me. it’s hard — sometimes i really can’t tell the difference between a defense mechanism and a boundary!

ah well im probably just complaining. im sure it will blow over soon. but it does make me think about the friendship as a whole. it just makes me want to take some space, i guess.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

https://www.tumblr.com/icarusinstatic/735208491404410880/the-last-episode-showed-sylvie-was-fine-without?source=share

Ok… This whole thing is killing me. So, I already apologized to the person in the post who had followed, explaining why I was losing patience :

https://www.tumblr.com/darklinaforever/734300517580341248/pretty-messed-up-to-tell-someone-to-kill?source=share

Pour aller plus loin, à force de recevoir des messages polis ou pas polis (voire carrément insultants) de personnes qui tentent d'expliquer que vous avez mal compris la relation canoniquement amoureuse de la série (car oui, c'est le cas, que cela vous plaise ou non) ) eh bien, au bout d'un moment, la personne qui reçoit ce genre de messages s'effondre et peut elle-même se montrer impolie, ce qui arrive généralement parfois aux êtres humains, et peut-être pas du tout. le moment le plus propice, c'est vrai. Mais c'est comme ça. Parfois, cela tombe sur telle ou telle personne.

But beyond that, I'm going to say the same thing I said to this person. A gif is there to transcribe an emotion and generally exaggerate it. When we use a gif where we get angry and break things, it doesn't literally mean that we really want to and are going to throw things and break them. No. It’s there to express our anger in an extrapolated way. Nothing more. Same goes for this damn gif. There is a huge difference between writing directly to a person to commit suicide (which I already received for shipping a ship) and sending a gif where this is written with a person who does not seem at all serious in what she says. Essentially it simply transcribes the desire for the person to remain silent. I can't even believe that this gif could cause a person to be outraged, when literally it shows in the gif that this thing isn't serious for a single second?! But I don't even see why I would bother to explain such an obvious thing, especially when one of the two people explains that they support the harassment of part of a fandom ?!

Also, I can't speak for all platforms, but for tumblr, I have to say that I have never seen a single Sylki be the first to be mean to another person in the fandom. What I saw were Sylki complaining that the pro Lokius/other, and anti Sylki, were not putting the right tags on their posts, parasitizing this Sylki part of the fandom, which is a perfectly valid complaint.

Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I think.

This one is a difficult one because on the one hand I do understand what you are saying about reaction gifs being used to convey a feeling in a very exaggerated way, like I've posted gifs of a woman hysterically crying on the floor to convey my feelings over a ship but obviously that was an over exaggeration, I myself wasn't actually heaped on the floor in tears. So I understand that your intention behind the gif was to convey your frustration and anger and to basically tell the person to go away and shut up. I can also understand why you'd be frustrated and angry, antis are relentless when it comes to mis-tagging and jumping into the inboxes of sylki shippers and commenting on their posts trying to gaslight them into thinking sylki isn't real, its getting to the point where it feels like a daily occurance, I myself sometimes struggle to keep my annoyance in check.

On the other hand, unfortunately I can understand why your intentions behind the gif may be misinterpreted by others. It's a sensitive topic and one that can be very triggering to some, unfortunately there are some out there who do say and mean this type of thing, as you yourself has experienced. So I can also understand that, whilst it may not have been your intention, the person was upset, angry and hurt because they didn't understand that you weren't being serious about the gif, so to them it seemed like you were being aggressive and hateful, I think this is a case of miscommunication and the important part is that you did apologise.

As for the reblogger I feel like this person may need to take a step back or take a breather, I feel like if the sight of a pro sylki ship is making you physically sick and you can openly admit to wanting sylki shippers to be harassed you've got a bit too invested and I don't know, it doesn't sound very healthy. I do also feel like they were using the gif you posted as a way to justify their own negative feelings towards sylki shippers.

I do also agree with you that, from what I have personally seen here on tumblr, in the main loki tag it is common to see posts hating on sylki and their shippers and just general negativity towards the ship. Whereas sylkis seem to post about two things, sylki and asking antis to tag their shit properly. Just today I blocked yet another account that was posting negativity in the sylki tag. It is also getting a bit ridiculous how often they will come into sylkis inboxes because sylki have posted a positive post about their ship, in their tag and some anti doesn't like it. The harsh truth is that if antis stayed out of sylkis' inboxes miscommunications like this wouldn't happen in the first place. But my unsolicited advice to you would be to just be careful what gifs you post in the future, not only to avoid anymore miscommunications that may result in hurt feelings but because you don't want to give them more ammunition against you, because they will use whatever they can, and it'll only open you up to more harassment.

[ask-kuu]

What's your opinion on each club leader?

I don't really care much for the clubs of Akademi. When I first joined, I planned to join a literature club, but for some reason there isn't one. But, club leaders are a whole different story. Amai is a very sweet girl. I like her cupcakes. She actually visits the library often too - Mainly for recipe books, though she did once take out "Jane Eyre" for maybe a week. Very active in the community. I don't know Oka very well, despite her often presence around me. She's just there. But, she is always reading advanced literature, classic literature and occult practice. I should also mention that she kept the library alive and functioning before I joined Akademi. All the library posters, and librarian resources, are signed with her name. I think we could be friends. Geiju is nice. I like his art. We're actually very similar people. I suppose there isn't much more to say... Kizana... really lives up to her last name, "sunobu". She's so ostentatious. I don't necessarily dislike her, but I would prefer if she stays well away from me and the library. The only time she has been in the library is borrowing a book with a boy that she was probably trying to impress. I've never talked to any member of the photography club. I can't tell you my opinions on Fureddo. I do wish he'd pay more attention towards the library, and peaceful areas like the zen gardens. I feel some photos of these areas may give them the appreciation they deserve. Miyuji is too loud, performing or not. I can hear her voice belting all throughout the school. Students complain every morning, a teacher marches up and tells them to quieten down, they stop for five minutes and then come back even louder. I detest her lifestyle overall, but she probably feels the same way about me.

Budo is a respectful boy. He appreciates the Zen gardens, and even sometimes reads - nothing over 150 pages, though. He's trying harder that most boys his age atleast. His martial arts shows are actually enjoyable - he has really mastered his art. Uekiya is, atleast to me, very similar to Amai, but one thing that's for sure is that she has a significantly shorter temper. Once, I had to go to her garden to get a book, only to ask her club members where it is and find out that she locked it in the garden shed because I didn't wish a good day back to her when she was leaving the library. I'm sure I caught her on a bad day.

Gema is what I believe is called a shut-in, or Hikkikomori. I don't know how he managed to get into Akademi. Quite a few people would go so far as to say they hate him, but I don't mind him as much. He could tone down his attitude, though. I believe it would make him more likeable. Though I don't like sport, Asu is an... ok person. She doesn't really like reading, but one could say that what she can't do academically she can do times ten thousand physically. I struggle to care for anything she does, but I'm sure if I liked sports, I would want to be her best friend.

[acourtofthought]

It hurts me to see so many Tamlin defenders these days it's all so triggering for me.

My parents relationship is exactly like what happened with Feyre but only the fact that she never got the chance to get out and she's still stuck and now it's too late. I see Feyre in my mother everyday but I live in a country and community that doesn't care for women opinion and they're considered as being "dramatic", "over-reacting" and "selfish". Exactly the things they call Feyre.

My mother knew while they were engaged that this wouldn't end well but her parents didn't listen to her and they said you should marry him and fix him, bring him children he will be better... bc my father been through some traumatic stuff as well. (Honestly while I was reading acotar and acomaf, I find it a cruel joke) So that was the way to justify his actions. And bc my mother didn't wants us to hate him, she would say this to us as well that it's not his fault but we grow up and we realised this isn't normal as much as he wants to claim he's traumatised. (Sounds familiar?)

my mother gave and gave and gave but never received anything from him still receives nothing from him. And you know what he does to make her shut up and don't complain? He buys her things or for us. He used to pay for my grandparents treatment. Just like Tamlin who paid for Feyre's family to keep her were she is so she wouldn't leave him.

My mother can't go out without being questioned that where is she going, how long she's out, when will she come back? She doesn't have a job!!! And the fact that he's doing it to me and my sibling as well is also very disheartening... I can't go out with my friends without being questioned bc its dangerous outside and you don't know what's coming for you... (I'm being serious this is exactly his words)

And he never hit us or hurt us in physical way that is visible, he hits with his word how he degrade my mother and sometimes us. So no one really sees what we've been through no one believe us bc there's no evidence of it...

And knowing that ppl don't even consider Tamlin an abuser but just a misunderstood character and deserving better treatment from readers while the ppl around him suffered? Yeah... its feels like people are not seeing us just bc he's hot or have money or is powerful or whatever...

I wonder if someone tells them they're overreacting and being dramatic how they would feel? To not be seen and tell them "you're acting childish suck it up"? How would they feel?

And only bc you did some nice things doesn't make you less of an abuser we need to remind that to ourselves... (just bc tamlin help in a war HE CREATED (bc he thought Feyre was his trophy) and help Rhysand to live doesn't make him less of a shitty person that he is...)

ps: this is just my experience I know for a fact that a lot of ppl experienced worse than us. its okay if you ignore this but I only wanted to get this out somewhere that might some ppl see and rethink what they're saying...

First, I'm honored you shared your story with me and I am so sorry that both you and your mother are still in such a difficult situation. It's easy for someone on the outside looking in to say, "why doesn't she just leave already?" but anyone who has first hand experience of what she's going through (either because they have witnessed a love one going through it or they themselves have) know how difficult it can actually be to walk away. They might be struggling with years of their significant other chipping away at their self esteem to the point that they truly don't think they are worth more than the treatment they've gotten, they might be in a position where they can't set off on their own for financial reasons, they might fear for what the significant other might do if they were to leave. And I do understand why, as you are currently living this, it is triggering for you to see people romanticize Tamlin or explain away his behaviors as "he was struggling so he couldn't help himself." Of course he was struggling however, that never gives someone the right to take their struggles out on others. I don't think we'll ever be able to stop those who are fans of the Justice for Tamlin rhetoric but hopefully you take some comfort in knowing that the author herself has been vocal about how wrong Tamlin's behavior was. Others can interpret the text however they want but at the end of the day, SJM, the creator of his character has told us that he is a toxic male, that the High Lord of Spring is a "douche" and I think that's all that should matter to you. You feel his behaviors were not acceptable and the one who wrote him agrees. I'm not necessarily opposed to seeing Tamlin begin to heal but I personally don't think he's redeemed himself at all at this point and I have no interest in seeing him fall in love again, regardless of his one "heroic" gesture in the war. He still physically assaulted his friend afterwards and threw Lucien's clothes on his front door. A year after the war and he's still making no effort to try and be the High Lord his people need. It's not that someone who was abusive doesn't deserve the opportunity to better themselves but I don't think they deserve forgiveness until there are actual steps being taken to actually better themselves. Since Tamlin still, as of SF, has not made any progress in the right direction, I understand why it's frustrating when excuses are being made for his behavior. Again, I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Growing up in that situation often effects our own relationships and self esteem and I hate that you have become a victim in something you never had any say in. Sending you lots of love ❤️

[rengokugutspill]

complaining + language update;

i'm honestly irate because last week someone apparently hit a power pole a few miles down the road & it cut our power briefly, not long enough to be like "oooh, the power's out," but long enough to have to reset all the clocks. & it's annoying but at face value it's whatever. Except it has the possibility of fucking up your internet connection. Ideally, it should restore itself in at most a week, but something is just shitty in my area that our internet wires are always getting fucked up & not receiving signal, so now ever since this happened, pretty much no devices in my house connect to the internet but my Dell & my phone. Internet based TV requires the device to basically manually double check connection every time on start up but for some reason my lenovo just straight up refuses to acknowledge the internet & the switch is fifty fifty whether it will connect or keep saying there's no internet. Basically, the switch & my lenovo are making me go through & forget all the connected networks & then re-sign back into everything. But honestly the lenovo is even worse because even after doing that, it still won't connect & it basically turns into a cycle of constantly turning off & on the firewalls & forgetting & re-registering networks over & over. By the end of the week I am just going to have to call the company to come back & fix it again for like at least the sixth time in three years.

& I was gaslit the other day because I knew this was going to happen but I was trying to check the Paypal case & couldn't open Paypal & nothing I did would connect to the internet but I could use Google, Facebook & Depop ??? So I tried Tumblr which is my back up to test if my connection is working & still nothing... & after hours of trying to get my god forsaken internet to connect, I checked down detector & both websites were down ! -_- apparently I'd been connected the whole time. But obviously there's still connectivity issues basically every single time I open the lenovo now & even as I was getting ready to write this post, my signal kept completely dropping & though Tumblr had loaded, basically I couldn't interact with anything on the page -_-

I also wanted to revisit my sentiments on language learning;

I think I touched on before a neurotic nervousness in learning a second language that as a child, it's just language & there's little more thought behind it, but when you're an adult with a broader understanding of things, I find I do this thing where I am recognizing language is a nebulous idea that exists on the ether, intangible & at many times open to the beholder. This is not a thought kids really have learning languages because obviously they're taught language at such a young age that it's one of their base human interactions with the world. So I recognize connective words like "it" & "that" truly have no meaning, yet sometimes I find in learning, I get stuck on this weird idea that doesn't make any sense where I'm like "but why ?" or "what does that mean ?" & it's like, nothing, there is no reason. There is likely no reason at all why the katakana for "hi" looks the way it does. So I do try to be critical of myself that learning a language isn't forging for a deeper understanding but that letters just are what they are & that's it. & it feels odd to even be having these thoughts in the first place. I feel like a fool.

So my bookmark is I am supposed to be learning kanji but by my own discretion apparently, this while trying to cement katakana letters & ideally learning the meaning of actual words & punctuation before sentence building... Which the reason I'm struggling so much with katakana is I was able to easily learn hiragana because it's like learn five letters & obsess with those five letters, add another five the next day, then another five the next day. But by the time I got to katakana, I'm still balancing the whole number of all the hiragana I learned & trying to add katakana on top of it, but for me personally, katakana is so hard because a lot of the symbols look so similar to each other that it's harder for me to say here's how one u shape differs from the other & is definitely this sound. Which I am struggling with a few letters in particular, like shi & tsu, the one is a lower scoop but the other is higher & I always get them mixed up & have a hard time seeing the difference depending on the text or even in my own hand writing. This as well as there's like six different characters that all look like a roman p but with the tail doing slightly different things or the connection very subtly different... & I have to constantly go back & double check & redefine these letters because I have a hard time writing them consistently & keeping them separate from eachother.

Another less strenuous obstacle is first you learn the common letters & then the uncommon letters, so I incorporated the uncommon letters into my practice & obviously each one mirrors a common letter, I think but for h that is doubled. So I'm trying to see the pattern like z is s & so forth & remember those. But again, the main struggle was just learning the base hiragana, that for me, it's difficult to add more on top of those.

& maybe the problem is just the way the books taught me that made me move faster than what may have been beneficial ? Because as someone with optical & processing issues, I do think I take a longer time to learn things. Basically, I have issues reading English a fair amount of the time due to a processing issue, it's not that I don't understand English because I don't have the problem an an auditory processing issue, it's something fucked up with my eyes. Which is why I think my vision degenerates throughout the day. & as it stands, I can't get a new pair of glasses because I would need to accommodate for when my eyes degenerate, which is like the last third of the day.

This is nothing but learning cursive in elementary school was miserable for me because I had issues with my hand coordination where I struggled really bad to make the shapes properly. Though I don't seem to have much issue making shapes for Japanese except for those really subtle pieces or accidentally making something a bit more angled than what it ideally should be.

But I had a very interesting idea that I don't know if it will work but I am trying it. So my studying dropped off because although I had an idea how to continue, I hadn't pursued anything yet. I decided first I would do flashcards, as most avenues recommend. But my thought was inspired by watching Pokemon, specifically the Poke rap & who that Pokemon ? As obviously Pokemon fans contend with knowing nearly a thousand Pokemon. Of course I could not name every single Pokemon chronologically & there are many I see & forget their names despite knowing them, I started thinking, what if I did who that Pokemon with the flashcards ? So I considered what Pokemon start with each letter/ sound until I had most accounted for, then I just looked up an alphabetical list to fill the rest out. First, I managed to somehow forget y altogether, so I ended up having to fill in yo with larvitar since it's Japanese name starts with yo, so I may be tripped up a bit on that one, but also it's the only one, so that might actually help me remember yo better. & obviously tsu I just did Tsareena since it was the closest.

I didn't know what I was going to do, so I did spend a few days pondering, but ultimately I looked up trading card art & found ones that I found appealing to look at for each Pokemon & I taped these to my flashcards. The back side I wrote the hiragana since hiragana is what I understand best & the front side under the Pokemon picture I wrote the katakana & tried to use the sentiment of what color do you think of when you hear these sounds while also separating the sound completely from the Pokemon... Though perhaps in hindsight, maybe I should have further linked each katakana more directly with the Pokemon ? My initial thought was wanting a diversity in color because I think that avenue yields more results, though I don't know ? I'd also considered using markers, colored pencils & crayons for a mixed media feel to create more diversity, hoping that associating color & feel might individualize the katakana more... But I ended up staying up really late & spending like four hours on the flashcards lol

But I admit as well, I think one of the best ways to learn is seeing the letters naturally show up in life & identifying them that way, as well as writing them myself... So maybe I will get back to writing the letters every single morning until I start to memorize them better. But at least now I have the flashcards & they do contain more room to add additional things if I think of anything else.

I have read people suggesting flashcards for kanji as well, but this would be harder following my Pokemon format. I had been screenshotting kanji lists whenever I would see them, so since I was planning to print out my exercises & yoga poses, I am going to print out all the kanjis I've collected so far, then I will at least have them in the binder for reference. But committing to memory, I'm not sure yet...

& kanji followed my same self imposed difficulty I mentioned earlier; knowing kanji have roots/ radicals, I'm like, "so what's this one mean ?" at every one I see cos I'm like trying to understand the different components, but like with letters, letters are stand alone & they themselves don't have meaning. So I don't know if doing this is over complicating beyond what's appropriate ? Where I don't know if it's appropriate to pick them apart or just recognize them as letters ? Because I know unidentified kanji are looked up via their radical.

Another thing that dawned on me about kanji that made me feel a bit better is feeling startled that there are thousands of kanji, even though you may rarely ever see many of them, I understand a lot of people are discouraged. Yet I was thinking, I'm someone who uses a lot of super uncommon English words, & despite the fact myself & everyone I know only speak English, I have a decent risk of saying a word to someone that they don't know what it means because I use really uncommon words. & the one book explained in Japan if you see a kanji you don't know, you just look it up & I'm saying like yeah, I do that with English all the time. So in that regard, it's less stressful to consider I don't know a kanji at any given time. & I suppose by looking them up enough, they should gradually stick.

Now I have the katakana Pokemon flashcards, my next step is printing out the information for my binder. Which I was hoping to do today.

But even after the binder is currently settled, I can add flashcards to my practice & go back to writing the letters every morning, I'm still not very sure how I am going to go about learning kanji yet ? Because even if I have them in the binder, it's like, what ? Am I just going to look at every single one every day ? Am I going to write out each kanji every morning with my basic letters ? Am I going to do flashcards for hundreds of kanji ?

Because something that did bother me about the flashcards was wasting printer ink. Though part of what pushed me to make them is I can't really explain why but I was saving the larger paper scraps from my shipping labels, so I was able to re use those for the flashcards.

& ngl it did feel really good to do something baseline creative.

[evolvingbeautyandmess]

USUAL DISCLAIMER: so these posts are dictated via speech to text and due to spoons and the whole vibe of the blog there's really just going to be minimal at best editing. Also I don't know why Google census curse words but here we are

So today sucked and last night wasn't that great either.

But at least I no longer subscribe to this idea rooted in toxic positivity that one should not complain because it could be worse.

Growing up I often heard don't complain it could be worse (when what was going down was very much worthy of saying something) and certainly as I became more visibly disabled in my adult life though looking back on it I was born with s*** but that's a whole other post. I found that there's a certain element of ableism where people expect disabled people to not complain even when we're facing oppression and I mean like full throttle systemic oppression in addition to the social oppression

And that is rooted in the idea that disabled people are less than inferior so we should be happy we get crumbs in the first place.

To ask to be treated as a full-fledged human (which fun fact we are) is often treated like we're asking for too much.

I remember they were times where my brain developed second brain cyst and people were like well at least it's not cancer or they say s*** like well at least you have a roof over your head. And then some would directly say don't complain it could be worse.

And here's the thing that pisses me off about that besides the fact that it really if you internalize that it can f*** you up.

I mean for an example when my brain developed the second brain cyst yes benign but still a f****** brain cyst I was barely sleeping I was in a s*** ton of pain I was not getting help from doctors and my mobility was getting worse and it was scary and I was sad and it was a lot but instead of people allowing you to just be a f****** human being, and just sit with and process etc the weight of all the changes , a lot of people are like well don't complain it could be worse which tacks on even more weight.

And if someone was saying holy crap this is the worst thing ever in the history of all humanity I have the worst nothing in the world can compare to my suffering and my suffering alone and someone responded it will actually ya know it could logistically be worse, that would be one thing.

But that's not what most people are saying and it wasn't what I was saying. I was just saying I'm having a hard time with it I'm struggling. And that's fine to feel that way. Just because you don't have it the worst does not mean that what you're going through is not hard.

And also telling me don't complaining could be worse well now and addition to everything else that's going on in my life I'm thinking about all the suffering in the world. Thank you very helpful kindly f*** off.

There's a difference between finding beauty and finding peace in moments during struggle if you can if that's what you're feeling but this f****** toxic pressure to be positive is f****** ridiculous. It makes it so much harder than it has to be.

And I found a lot of people who say that s*** only say that s*** because they themselves are uncomfortable with their own feelings and thus they're uncomfortable with your feelings. They say s*** like that sometimes because they don't know what to say to you and they don't really know how to help you but instead of sitting with that with themselves they go well don't complain it could be worse.

And so yeah the last 24 hours at times have royally sucked. Not the worst I've personally been through and certainly not the worst that is going on in all of humanity to say the very least, but it has sucked I did not appreciate it I did not order it I could not return it it reminded me of s*** but I did not need a reminding of and it made me question why does my life have to be so f****** challenging sometimes.

But at least I'm in a place now or I don't question if I'm overreacting or if I'm not being quote grateful enough ".

I know that being a full-fledged human being I am totally capable of holding space for its difficult and what I'm struggling with and acknowledging that and sitting with that well also finding certain things in my life that I am grateful for. Those two things can exist and those two things do not negate each other.

And you know what I don't have to always simultaneously acknowledge what I'm grateful for to show that I'm grateful for things. Sometimes things are difficult enough where it feels too big to then have the emotional space and spoons to go but I'm grateful for this. Doesn't mean that you're not grateful for anything ever, it just means that what you're going through is a bit too big in this moment for you to think beyond it. And eventually you will but you're not there yet and that's okay.

And those are some thoughts that I had tonight. F*** medical insomnia which is a whole other post and f*** toxic positivity.

[hollyhomburg]

@mocha000

oooooh I will have to track it down and find the yoongi video for you!! I will see if I can track it down later- one of the like small things about writing chapter so far apart is that i loose alot of my inspiration videos/picutres :( I love videos of bts doing normal things theres something so like- domestic about it? Idk I just love the little things. 

Okay, but if i’m not careful i’ll just talk about girl dicks and nothing else like /seriously/ if you haven’t- see? see what i’m talking about! you cannot get me started on this!! honestly i struggled with the description of yoongi haveing a knot. like how would you describe it? i don’t have a dick so- it’s kinda hard for me to put myself in their shoes. The pussy stuff is alot easier for me to like- make up tbh. 

You know I did not realize just how subby I made Yoongi when I wrote this but tbh I’m not complaining, I think it’s verry within the bounds of his charecter to want to depend on the others during these moments when things are changes in the pack structure. 

tbh i love that hobi is like- kinda a bit of a creep in this, like just a little- he might really really like watching the m/c and yoongi fuck with knots invovled we might see…the return of his facination next chapter! but thats the last smutt chapter for a little while! promsie. 

Honestly how non-verbal they both get in this is also like- fucking me up, I love that they feel like they’re in their own little world but are also like- being taken care of by the pack, the subby fantasy. 

Okay but there should have been more I love you’s in this :( that’s my one self critisizm for it. there needs to be more lovey dovey bullshit! especially her calling him perfect for her later in the chapter like! yes! thats your mate honey! sometimes i wanna take real yoongi by the ears and also tell him that he’s perfect. 

lowkey love yoongi being so so so enamoured with her being milky though <3 i love it. esepcially with tae and yoongi <3 i’m so soft for them <3 especially with the kind of shifting dymaic of yoongi being both dom and sub depending on whose doing the fucking. the dirty talk in this chapter was like so so so hard. i’m glad that you liked it and apreciated it but- some parts of it took alot of edits. 

i love that the ‘if i lick it it’s mine’ stuff didn’t seem too campy, i wanted to remind everyone with this chapter that you know- they are all kinda kids, in their midtwenties-early 30’s like- theyre still gonna be goofy sometimes, they won’t always be perfect people or say things that arent like gen z or milienialisms. 

I love that both Namjoon and Yoongi are kinda both like “yeah fuck Dr.Pearl,” and the medical advice when it comes to the m/c like- they are very very confident that they can handle it themselves. and it’s so dumb of them! but also so cute!

Honestly Namjoon deserves all the kudos for his self restraint, here he is in the nest, his omega’s acting cute and slutty and he’s just a good alpha and watches 🥰 need me an alpha like namjoon. 

the chaos and familiarity shown in this chapter is actually probably my favorite part, someone mentioned it in the teaser but yes- it does feel very real when they’re all like talking over each other and communicating togeather to cuddle like- ugh, i think one of the biggest fantasies that i have as someone who enjoys bts content is just the friendship and simple intimacy that they have. i want this story to be like- a place where you can imagine you’re in the middle of that too. 

tbh i think spanking jk was the only way that the pack could keep him seated and paying attention while the m/c was riding yoongi otherwise he would have gotten up close and personal. in my mind- jk in heat doesn’t have like- a very good idea of body boundaries? like he’s a big puppy who doesn’t realize often “hey they’re having a private moment maybe i shouldn’t go over and cuddle them” like that’s his pack of course he would be allowed to get in the middle of it? 

as for what yoongi must have said to the m/c when they lean close and have their private moment- i think it could be anything, could be a little bit of praise or maybe just them telling each other they love each other. we are also on the outside looking in at them too- so thats why i wanted to leave it up to interpretation like- whatever you most want to read him say to her is what he says. 

listen i love love love jungkook in omegaspace, i love omegaspace in general actually, there is somethign so cute and silly with it <3 i love the added edge of veulnerability it makes in the story, esecpially during sexually intimate scenes. 

yeah listen i know i was only letting hoseok have one mouthful but! but! i was running out of pretty ways to describe it :( maybe in the next chapter- because the only smutty bit in that is a yoongi x hobi scene that is 😵‍💫 a bit of a doosie. 

OKAY ON THE LACTATION BIT- i have done a bit of reasearch on this topic 👀 for reasons, and apparently it can only take a few days of constant nipple stimulation to make your body start to lactate just a little like- the quickest ive seen on forums is solid sucking for 9 hours straight which seems! a bit excessive! but i think with a bit of supliments you could very very easily make it happen. 

thank you for your comment once again <3 i’m glad that none of this slightly more extreme smutt than usual seems to have been too much <3 i always worry but i shouldn’t because you always leave such nice comments!

until next time! 

Before I Leave You (Pt. 80)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: “Come on hyung, fuck her like you mean it.”

Tags: Groupsex, Mating cycles/in heat, fivesome, exhibitionism, voyeurism, slight Jungkook x m/c focus, praise kink, Knotfucking, dumbification, mind-break, Namjoon calls Yoongi a bitch once in like a sexy way, omegaspace sex, lactation kink, false pregnancy, some good ol' tiddy sucking, omega x omega content, scissoring, pussy spanking, excessive squirting, size kink, breif mention of monstercock dildos, overstimulation kink, forced orgasam (but not in a cnc way), knot milking, mommy kink, daddy kink, trans characters, discussion of girl knot/cock, girl on top, feral sex, biting, humor, this is soft and horny and funny and sweet.

W/c: 12.7k

A/n: Ahhhh i'm sorry it took so long for me to write this chapter- the good thing is the next one won't be that far off! Until then if you like this story and want to read a different version of the beginning that has like 5+ additional chapters of how yoongi and the m/c got together you can read it here.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

As you can expect, there is some clamoring around Yoongi.

Everyone reaches to feel, to touch, to check. Your hand is among the others tangling with Tae's fingers then Hobi's. Every touch is exploratory, curious, and coming to terms. Shocked and happy, weirded out and displeased. There are so many emotions that everyone's scents are all over the place. Surprised, excited, and scared.

Jungkook starts to tip his head, eyes open, leaning into Namjoon's space and falling, like he can't figure out which alpha to please with the scent of a new knot in the air. Jin lets out a shocked noise, not entirely upset but still.

“Wow is he bigger than Minnie and Hobi?” “I don’t know, but you should definitely measure.” “It feels so much less firm than a normal knot,” “Like squish mellow” “And he’s got that vein! I can see it pulse!” "Wow what the fuck, it’s so pink."

"Am I dreaming it's like my dream for everyone to have a knot."

"Even the pup?"

"Especially the pup. Have you seen Tae's dick? Girl knots are like- so ugh."

Until it gets too much, until Yoongi’s hips splay, and his head tips back, breath ragged. “Guys I’m-”

"Alright." Namjoon snaps, loudly. "Everyone back off. Give him some room."

You do not back up, you curl up around your mate's body protectively, still barely conscious of the fact that you're dripping into the nest below you. But you don't really think that Namjoon was talking about you and he doesn't make you move once you snatch your hand back. Resting it loosely on Yoongi's hip, clutching at his shirt like you think someone is going to take him away.

Namjoon eyes your hand and then your face. You tip your chin down demurely like there can't possibly be any way you'd missbehave. Namjoon huffs, shaking his head before he ducks down.

The pack alpha examines Yoongi’s knot under an appraising eye. His big hands turning it this way and that, Yoongi’s eyes roll back no one gives him shit for rocking up into Namjoon’s touch, needy.

Does knotting always feel this way? There’s pressure in his lower stomach, a tightening that makes no sense. That sort of feels like his self-control is spiraling away or dangling on the edge of a very precarious edge. Like all of him is about to break or perhaps be made whole.

Yoongi doesn't like thinking of sex as something necessary for love. But knotting certainly feels like a cross between the two.

No wonder why alphas are such knotheads. If fucking always felt like this, like the sex equivalent of a full body hug that lasts for hours, instead of a singular moment of euphoria and closeness. Yoongi would never want to fuck any other way. No wonder why they're so possessive too.

This feeling- Yoongi’s not addicted, not yet.  

You hook your chin over his shoulder to watch, sniffling. And Yoongi is a little too aware of you. The way your body lies against his arm, the dewy brush of his wrist on your stomach as you set your body against his. He must be going insane; he must have bit you again and given you a fresh mating mark. Because it feels like he can feel the mating mark wrapping around his cock.

You're a little more lucid because the pack’s sour scents cut through the breeding haze.

“Is Yoongi like- presenting?” Your voice sounds so small, so fragile. Yoongi bares his teeth at it. He tips his head into yours, nosing at the side of your face. Trying to reassure you. Trying not to bite. Hissing when Namjoon once again pulls at the skin of his knot.

“I don’t think so,” Namjoon says carefully, slowly. Reaching for Jin's glasses on the edge of the nest (because they're roughly the same prescription) so that he can take a look at the underside of Yoongi’s cock and the scent glands just below it.

They’re not puffy and not swollen like an alpha's. Alpha's knot to scent mark, not just breed. It's surprisingly a relief knowing that not all of Yoongi's biology has changed.

"He’s like still a beta? Right?”

“As far as I can tell yes.” Namjoon hesitates, poking at Yoongi’s knot harder. Eyes flicking up to measure his response. Yoongi does not snap at him, doesn’t do anything but lean against the column of Namjoon’s arm like he’s having a hard time holding his body up. When Namjoon puts his hand on the base of Yoongi’s throat, he doesn’t do anything but close his eyes.

"No- if you were an alpha you'd be biting my head off right now. You're definitely not presenting" Namjoon decides, begging that it's true. His own instincts are just a hum beneath his skin.

Namjoon might be a man of science, but he does trust his instincts more than he’d ever willingly admit. Namjoon's inner alpha is not chomping at the bit for a show of dominance and is not threatened by the sudden muskiness of another foreign knot. A shock in itself. Any scent of an unfamiliar knot combined with the smell of their omega in heat would make any of the alphas, even hoseok the tamest one, go feral. Packs work that way.

Beyond an extra layer of horniness, Yoongi’s thick chocolate scent has not changed. Not even a little bit once Namjoon sniffs and rolls the taste of it around on his tongue.

Namjoon presses the side of his face to Yoongi’s neck and closes his eyes. You can feel Yoongi’s heart flutter with how you’re holding onto his arm. After a moment namjoon pulls away. “You’ll be fine.”

You sag, a bit in relief. Yoongi? An alpha? If Namjoon says he’s not you believe him. Your brain is too hazy to think straight. But you decide you’re glad he’s not. Yoongi’s perfect- you’d hate it if something changed without his say-so. You babble, say it. And your mate covers his face.

“If I had to bet, I’d say it’s the mating mark. I’d like to take tests but-” Jin’s head jerks up, scent souring. Sensing a trip to the hospital before it’s even been said. Jungkook’s eyes on Yoongi don’t blink, grinning down at that knot with his hair in his face, already excited and dopey. As if talking about the hospital is enough to summon another seizure.

“After maybe. If it’s still a problem.” Namjoon caveats, pausing to rub down Yoongi’s arm, soothing him. Yoongi is still trembling. Still shaking so hard that he can't really move with any coordination.

“Has anything like this ever happened before?” Seokjin asks, carefully. Pillow over his bare lap. Namjoon has the good sense to at least put on some shorts. Jimin looks at Tae quickly and Tae does not return his gaze. Some secret soulmate conversation going on between them that you can’t read.

When you look up at Hobi- he’s watching your face. He doesn’t look away but after a moment he shrugs as if to say ‘Our beta has a knot- so what?’

“I’ve never heard of a beta popping a knot. I’m not sure. I think this might just be us.”

You groan, hiding your face under Yoongi’s chin. His breath heaves, and he turns back to you, nuzzling back.

“Is it my slick? Or the mating mark? Did I do this to him?” your eyes are wet, tears already threatening. You are already generally sensitive, and even more so in heat. Yoongi eases away your worries with a quick kiss to the side of your face. Cutting off your guilt before it has a chance to build.

“None of that now. If I had to change for anyone I’m glad it’s you.”

The pack is quiet around you, all in varying states of nudity. Quiet at the truth of what he says, how suddenly deep this has gotten. But he's right, you'd change for any of them. You wouldn't mind either. Yoongi rubs your cheek and you pull yourself half into his lap for a cuddle. Needy, too worn down to let it go. Yoongi’s hands go around your waist keeping you close. You melt into his arms, still sniffling.

"Your dick was perfect before though-"

"Sweetheart " he groans. You pull back from him, glancing down at his lap.

"What? I'm just saying-"

“Don’t look at it!”

Hoseok chokes back a laugh and tries to keep it in, but before you can help it everyone's laughing and covering their faces with their hands to keep from smiling. 

“You didn’t cum at all. Did you?" Namjoon asks, eyes dark. Yoongi starts to lift the hem of the shirt you wear, showing.

“No, I didn’t.” Yoongi can feel a bit of skin at the base of his cock, still loose, still half popped. If you weren’t more preoccupied with holding your mate and controlling your weepyness. You’d be more curious about the knot pressed between your legs.

Maybe this is just resource-guarding. Classic omega in heat, of course, the most valuable resource is your mate. 

“You know” Namjoon hesitates, looking from Yoongi to Jin. “Popping a knot without ejaculating sperm is kind of medically dangerous-”

“Namjoon-” Jin scolds.

“Sorry- without Cuming is actually kind of dangerous. Especially because it’s like, not typical for you to have a knot.” Namjoon licks his lips, "We should probably make sure that it's like- working."

You don’t know if it’s hornyness or just Namjoon being concerned for Yoongi’s health (probably a little bit of both) but you perk up. Blinking at the pack alpha who looks a little strained. A little like he’s trying not to look too much.

Across the nest, Jungkook shuffles forward, blatantly eyeing Yoongi’s knot like he’s just found his new favorite toy. But no sooner is he putting his hand on the beta’s tight before Jin is pulling him back the collar. "No no no pup, that's not yours yet."

He lets out a little bereft whimper but you hardly notice. Eyes bright and directed up at Namjoon. Like it honestly hadn’t occurred to you that now that your mate has a knot that means he can use it. Yoongi can knot you now. Pack Alpha is so smart! You don't know how it didn't occur to you yet but-

Oh, you really want that. You really want Yoongi to knot you.

The self-consciousness Yoongi felt earlier is entirely forgotten. You’re a little dumb in heat. A little floaty. Yoongi doesn’t mind. This is why you have packmates, to make these complicated decisions for you.

Yoongi’s hands are still firm around your waist. If Yoongi does have a knot now, for the time being, then you should get first dibs.

You whine, he was perfect without it really but you really really really like knots, your squishy omega brain is convinced that you need it. That it’s yours and your packmates are suddenly keeping it from you. You bare your teeth. No bite, all bark. You'd actually growl at them if Yoongi’s hands didn't clamp down around your waist. Hard. Harder than he usually touches you. It jogs you out of your reverie.

Marks. Kis fingers hold you hard enough that you could have bruises. Good. You want marks on you and on him. Your mating mark isn't enough. Not now, not with Yoongi having a knot.

“Should I, should you-” The pack settles in, ringing both you and Yoongi, as you stare each other down, both of your scents spiking wildly as you take each other in. Seeing each other in a new light.  

Yoongi laughs, deep and rough. And you get shivers down your spine. Your voice is high-pitched and squeaky from the strain. "Don't tease me."

He nudges the underside of your jaw with his nose. "Come on, it's sorta easy" his teeth brush your mating mark and you gasp, the threat of a bite but not a bite at all. "and you like it."

The pack looms closer so close they can reach out and touch, can reach out and feel. "Should we watch? I think we should watch" “Yes. Definitely yes.” “Yes, I think we should, yes please.” "they're so pretty when they fuck."

But Jungkook huffs, a little bratty, a little bit upset that there's a knot he's not allowed to ride. "Can't I get one lick?"

"No Koo" Jungkook jerks against his hold.

"If I lick it, is it mine? While she rides it does it count if I lick it?” Jungkook gets dragged over Jin’s lap for that one, completely happy with it as the other omega lands several swats over his behind. Giggling as he goes.

The slapping sounds are distant. Jungkook's skin glows from the force of the hits but his cheeks are round from his smile sweet. A Spanking? You'd like one of those. Maybe you can provoke it from one of your packmates sometime later. You might need a settling after this.

Your brain is a mess of wants and instincts. But a spanking can wait. Yoongi's knot presses just under your pussy and you grind onto it experimentally. Tingles of pleasure filling your whole body. Good. It's so good. You snarl.

“No. No Jk- pup”

You are not paying attention as Jungkook tries to claw his way over to you; laughing, making a game of it. You and Yoongi are not speaking but you are communicating. Every grit of his teeth says mine, and every twitch of his hands on your hips says keep going. You look down at your mate and lick your teeth, polishing your canines as you eye him. The line of his throat. The pinkness of his nose. His chest- everything.

As Yoongi huffs, half fond. Cheeks slowly warm the more your eyes roam, the more you look and hunger. 

It’s not that you’ve never been a sexual creature and it’s not that Yoongi has never seen you want him. But too often have you been like Noodle. Too frequently has he been the steward of your lust, carefully encouraging it and letting you be fickle and safe. Every time you've had sex you've been timid. he’s always letting you know through every breath that you’re not too much and that you can have it in any way that you want.

But now- now you’re eyeing Yoongi like you want to eat him.

Your brain is too syrupy and slow to do more than grind against his knot (like I said, all bark, no bite) your pussy dribbles onto it. The glide of your slick hole so much against such sensitive skin, pressed between your body and his. An omega possessed. An omega on a mission. 

He’s been on the business end of many knots but this- this is different. Your eyes are open hardly blinking, Jungkook’s hands trail up Yoongi’s thigh to his hip.

"You're hiding it-" he whines, bratty. But gets snapped back into the alpha's waiting jaws. More spanks. until someone, Jimin maybe is tugging at Jungkook's cock between his legs while he gets plugged up by Namjoon's knot. Namjoon's the only one out of all of them that can truly distract Jungkook. Can possibly stop him from trying to covet Yoongi.

Yoongi's knot doesn’t belong to him. As his mate you have rights.

You push him back to lie in the nest and Yoongi lets you. It’s instinct to straddle him, to get him under you where he can’t move. Even though you don’t usually fuck like this with you on top. You don’t know why this in-heat version of yourself seems preoccupied with riding or not riding, maybe it’s a control thing or vulnerability.

Your body is unused to the heat, unsure of quite what the edge of want and don’t want to meet. Unsure if you want all the control or the complete lack of it. You are weak to your instincts. Weak, even though you know if you just lied back Yoongi would take care of you.

Your instincts give you neither choice nor reason nor want for anything, anything but this. Hoseok's hands slide up Yoongi's knees, touch your lower back, everything. Everyone everywhere touching both of you. Egging you on with their bare teeth and wildly sweet scents.

The head of Yoongi's cock slides up and through your slick, catching on your hole for a moment before it pops away,

You don’t know who guides Yoongi’s knot to your fluttering hole, only that it’s there. It’s easy to sink back, eyes furrowed as you concentrate on the feeling of getting Yoongi’s knot inside of you, cheeks warm at the eyes of the pack on you.

Beside you Tae paws at Jimin’s knot he makes a nose in his throat, but Tae’s all smiles. “Minnie likes it.” She croons in a singsong tone. Hooking an arm around his waist and sliding her hands under the elastic hem of his boxers to toy with him.

There is breath on the back of your shoulder, condensation turning your skin dewy. A hungry alpha ready to swallow you whole. Looming. You don’t look to see who it is, who's looking over your shoulder watching Yoongi’s face as you ride him.

You have a sinking suspicion it might be Hobi.

You fall into a slow rhythm appreciating the way that it feels, nudging at your entrance. Filling you routine. You’re getting better at this setting the pace on your own. Moving at a steady rhythm. A rhythm that makes you sigh and squeak. Your body feels so far away. The ache in your knees, the soreness in your hole, and the tiredness in you are all impermanent compared to the pleasure.

You focus on the feeling of your hands on his chest and the pleasure that comes with fucking yourself down on his knot. It’s a good knot. Not too big, not too small, just right. Everything about Yoongi is just right for you. You mewl as you speed up your pace. Instincts burning for more more more.

Sweat bleeds down your back and Yoongi’s jaw rolls, unblinking below you. Someone wipes away a bit of drool on your jaw and you can’t find it in yourself to be embarrassed. Tipping your head back.

“Does it feel good pup, the way his knot feels in your little hole?"

"Not so little anymore," Tae snickers, "she's practically bouncing on it."

Yoongi’s knuckles are white with how hard he holds your hips, doing his best not to guide your rhythm or disrupt it. Someone's hand is in your hair, tugging and tangling with it, pulling you up and down.

Namjoon leans down to whisper in Yoongi’s ear. “Good huh? Pussy fucking you up hyung? Gonna be a little bitch and make a mess in our pup? Gonna put your little knot where you want and breed her?” 

Yoongi lets out an achy moan. And hope that you didn’t hear that. Or feel how it makes him twitch and pulse. Knot seconds from popping. Already mostly popped from before. He’s not going to last. Yoongi knows it will be quick.

"Bet you can feel how I fucked her open for you huh?"

Yoongi does not pause to push Namjoon’s face away as the alpha bites his shoulder- his ear- his everywhere. Namjoon's not nearly as unaffected as he pretends to be but Yoongi is too focused on you.

Yoongi has always been the perfect fit, not quite as long as Hobi or as thick as Jimin or the type of knot that makes you feel it for days after like Tae and Namjoon. It’s a good thing you’re a size queen because now you can fuck yourself down on Yoongi’s knot, regardless of the size it threatens to swell too.

Yoongi’s knot is about as thick around as Namjoon’s cock is normally so you still struggle to go all the way down, but stretching yourself around the wideness is good, feels nice. Sates the fire inside of you. His knot presses all nice and hot snug against that spot inside of you. You babble it, saying how good good good your mate is, how you can feel his cock stretching you out and breeding you. Almost mindless from pleasure.

Almost but not yet.

Yoongi slides his palm from your stomach up to your sternum, under the black shirt you wear, stroking over your skin lazily before his fingers tangle in the material, pulling it. using it to guiding and goad you into fuck him faster. Saying nothing. Eyes on you. Dark and heavy-lidded.

To shut you up (not because he wants you to shut up but because he wants to hold off from cumming for as long as he can). Yoongi gets his feet under him and drives his hips up. Fucking up into you. Faster and faster until you can tell you're almost taking all of it. All of it. As much as you can.

“That’s it, there you go baby. Fuck her like an alpha. She wants to take it, you just have to help make her.”

“Come on hyung, fuck her like you mean it.”

Beside you, Tae's hand works underneath the waistband of Jimin's boxers, a thumb hooked there lazily. Stilling for a second. Her knuckles wrapped around his knot probably. Hobi is tucked along Jin's side, hips stuttering working. Watching you and Yoongi. Namjoon grins, showing his teeth.  

You have almost all of his knot in you now, everything but the widest bit, just a little more, just a little and you’ll have it. You bounce up and down on it experimentally. You grin, very very convinced that you don’t have to wait for Yoongi’s knot to go down to continue.

Your mate's hands circle your wrists, holding them hard, pulling you down hard every time you pick yourself up, trying to keep you stationary. But Yoongi’s needs are very very far away in his mind.

It’s almost better this way, looking down at him, working your body down his knot. Testing the give and breathing through it the way that Namjoon has taught you to breathe through taking his knot. The pack all around, watching you and encouraging you. They're so close, it sort of feels like they're all fucking you this way.

Tae’s fingers dimple in your thighs and Jk rests his head along Yoongi’s tummy so he can watch his knot sink inside of you as a treat when he takes his spanking like a good pup. A strong hand in his hair to keep him from moving forward a few inches to lick. Pout on his face. When your pace stutters, body overtired from heat, Hobi's hand goes under your thigh to help pick you up, taking the weight of your body for you.

You finally get Yoongi’s knot inside of you, but it doesn’t stop there, you put your hands on his chest and pick yourself off of it again. It tugs but slips past the rim of muscle after a second, slick sliding down the big swollen curve of it. It takes some finesse, but your body gives way and his knot is once again hovering just on the precipice.

Then you sit yourself back down.

Jimin’s breathless curse against your throat feels almost guttural. You hardly hear it too focused on fucking Yoongi’s knot like a cock.

 “Fuck, omega's knot fucking is-” 

“It’s hot,” Jin says, leaning down to brush Yoongi’s sweaty bangs from his forehead. “How does it feel honey? Feeling your mate around your knot? All good? All nice and snug?”

“She’s-” Yoongi pants through it breath ragged, close to cumming, knot pulsating. “Warm” his voice is strained and he scrambles to reach for you. Yoongi’s lap, his whole stomach really, is covered in your slick. The slide is almost too slippery. If you weren’t concentrating so hard on keeping rhythm you’d tell him you love him.

“Overwhelming, feels like- feels like- fuck-”

But you know he already knows, can feel it in the way he touches you. The way he looks at you. Everything.

You squirt, wet noisy, little dribbles of cum flicking up across his chest, clamping down around his knot so hard that Yoongi has no choice. Your pace stutters and you sigh. You hardly notice the pleasure rocking through you, hardly notice as you start to tremble. Little ‘hng’ noises pushed from your throat with every sweet jut of Yoongi’s hips. Still fucking his knot all the way in and all the way out.

Yoongi fucks the same way he talks, sweet but firm. He cums that way too. Warm and slow. You feel every syllable and every drop.

But Yoongi has no words for the ecstasy of knotting you. Groaning deep, more guttural, more animal than you’ve ever heard him sound. Cumming, knot popping fully. Finally. Your legs shake and your head drops as it throbs and swells.

You finally stop riding him but he keeps pulling you down at the same second he sits up quick, until he's sitting with you in his lap. Wrapping his arms around you. Whipping your hair from your face, cupping your cheeks, forehead to forehead.

A bit of your squirt drips down the seam of his hip, the place where his thigh and stomach wrinkle. Staining the nest a darker shade of pink.

But there are hands to settle your giggles, his knot pulsates, and you feel wet and warm inside. You ease up and he holds you for a moment. Skin to skin. Breath to breath. Both of you panting through your comedown.

The others fall upon you.

Jin's hand cups your stomach, and Jungkook's teeth drive into Yoongi's shoulder with a quiet yelp and a 'yah jungkookie'. you love how grumbly yoongi gets when he's feeling sensitive but safe.

Namjoon tilts your chin up and kisses you, messy and filthy. When you part you feel dizzy from lack of oxygen. You can't yet register that you're panting, breathing heavily. Still sort of cumming. One orgasm blends into another. Having them around while Yoongi’s inside of you is so much. Good, but a lot as Tae strokes down your spine.

“Did good alpha?” You ask Namjoon.

“Did so well, so so so well taking Yoongi’s first knot.” Now he'll understand how possessive we can get of you. Now he'll get it.

Yoongi ignores him, but around you, the air is thick with the scent of the pack's pleasure. Hoseok ruffles Yoongi's hair than yours, you nuzzle into his wrist. Tae's hands are hungry, and exploratory.

(They watched you through all of this but never once did you wonder if you were pretty, never once did you worry about how it looked, if it was enough. There is a simple love that's here. A simple love between all of you. Through your heat- you've never once been self-conscious. With Yoongi’s knot snug in your pussy, and everyone praising you, you can't find it in yourself to be nervous or worried or feel anything but bliss).

There are familiar hands everywhere- reaching down, feeling where you and Yoongi are connected. The wet slick glide of an omega properly seated on a knot. Tae’s lips pressed against your tit while her delicate fingers paw at your pussy, not a kiss, not a suck, but a pout.

You let her until Yoongi hums, overwhelmed, and then lean down to bite her. Popping back, licking your teeth, echoing a soft "sorry" when you've realized what you've done.

Yoongi shivers as Jin runs a hand up and down his stomach, knuckles brushing yours. Namjoon crowds in behind you. Pushing you both down into the nest. His pack alpha herding tendencies are at play but he’s a warm and reassuring presence behind you. They all settle in to cuddle you and keep both of you safe until Yoongi’s knot goes down long enough to make sure that you’ve been adequately bred. 

Everyone's sort of lying on top of each other. Namjoon behind you, Jin behind Yoongi, Hobi trying and sort of succeeding in squirming his way in between Jin and Yoongi. the pack are noisy. but you sort of love the noise.

"You're pinching my skin hyung." "Wait wait wait, this will be more comfortable." "Namjoon she needs room to like-breathe." "Ow my knee like- cannot stay in this position." "Jungkook!"

The older omega lets Hobi muscle his way in. Pressing a kiss and a nibble to the back of his neck in admonishment. Jungkook sprawls across all of your stomachs and Tae rings the top and Jimin the bottom, guarding you and Yoongi against the door. Classic alpha.

Tae runs her hands over your hair, scratching at your scalp with her long fingernail. You push into her touch like a cat. She does it to you, then Yoongi. Yoongi’s hands skim up and down your hips and he’s breathing heavy.

“Love you,” he says.

he closes his eyes first but you just watch him. A chorus of voices join but you lean down, pecking him over his eyelids. Covering his body with yours. He doesn’t need to worry about anything.

Yoongi wraps his arms around you. Mumbling something into your ear quiet enough that the rest of the pack doesn’t hear. But let it remain a mystery. Let it remain for just you and him.

You rest and cuddle. And Yoongi keeps twitching inside of you. Every time you think that he’s done and that his cock can’t possibly give you anymore he starts to twitch again. Cuming just a little bit more.

It almost feels like Namjoon, who cum's a proportional amount to the size of his cock. Yoongi never normally cums this much, but you can't say you're complaining. One hand resting protectively over your tummy.

You hear Jin's familiar 'tsk' and fingers are at your hole. They guide a bit of spend back up into it. But your eyes are already closed.

You were already tired before and your heat still rages. It's not fire anymore. Something in you satiated. It's not a raging inferno but the kind of warmth that glows from coals, that sizzles on the edge of your skin, like deep-seated honeying of suns and far away stars teeming with wishes and life-giving warmth.

Yoongi decides that he wouldn’t mind doing this, just when you go into heat. He’ll get tests done later; Namjoon will drag him to the hospital after this week to take his blood and measure his hormones.

Dr.Pearl and another beta specialist will come to the conclusion that it’s both your mating mark and your slick that caused a momentarily biological shift that’s temporary at best and a one-off probably (it won’t be a one-off, Yoongi will grow a knot through every one of your heats after this). They’ll prescribe Yoongi less of your slick and a bit of distance from your scent during your pre-heat (both professional opinions that Yoongi will opt to ignore because seriously what the fuck?)

For now, you settle down atop him, keeping his knot safe inside, and go to sleep. Not before feeling each one of your packmates press a kiss to the place between your shoulder blades. Surprisingly sensitive, surprisingly ticklish. You feel it all. The brush of Hobi’s nose, the skim of Tae’s long hair. The plush feeling of Jimin's lips more like petals than skin. The brush of Jin and Namjoon’s stubble. The nibble of Jungkook's teeth.

Yoongi’s lips remain planted to your forehead, he sleeps that way through the rest of the afternoon. The little huffs of his breath tickle your baby hairs, and you can’t say that you mind.

Being the lowest member in the pack’s hierarchy means different things for each pack. Especially with two older omega’s in heat, and you below them in the hierarchy.

As the days drag on, you feel like a bit of a chew toy (not that you’re complaining).

As the lowest packmate in the hierarchy, you bear the brunt of it when their instincts shift from hungry to nesty. The breeding’s mostly done (mostly, but not quite) now is time for nesting, for preparing. It takes time for seed to take. That time that you spend cuddled close. Safe between Jin and Jungkook. Walled in on either side, safely tucked between their chests. Both of their heartbeats beat through either ear.

At least until you wake up.

You omega’s are a conspiratory little bunch. The nest is deep and colorful with many spots to hide. You do not try to hide from Jinnie or Jungkook, there is no need to. the alpha’s are who you hide from, peaking over the edge of an inner nest, the walls built up a bit like an igloo. The three of you playing a pretend game of hide and seek.

Hiding from them and the pleasure that they give you. Because they want to get in the way of all your fun.

It’s not getting in the way of the fun so much as it’s partaking in it, sticking their knots where you need them- but where is the fun in simply fucking? Foreplay is where all the fun happens anyway. Bouncing on a knot can get so boring.

Unless it’s Yoongi’s knot of course. You don’t think you’ll ever get tired of that. His refractory period is a lot longer than the other alphas, even Namjoon who tends to knot for a good 30 minutes. You’ve had him 4? Maybe 5 times since the first? And now he slumbers, hips ringed with hickeys, cock lying limp and pretty pink against his stomach, utterly spent.

You’d ridden Yoongi until he was trembling, until his breath came out as gasps and not growls. Until his knot couldn’t even pop anymore and Namjoon had quite literally scruffed you to get you off of him. Too sensitive for anymore. Twitching duly when you’d popped off for the final time, a glob of cum leaking down your hole to your other one.

And yet, you could tell by the smell of him that Yoongi was drowning in ecstasy, nothing about his scent in pain or discomfort. You did a good job. Your pack had told you, you did.

But still, your mate needs his rest, in the meantime, the omegas can play.

The morning is thick and heavy, sunlight slow moving like honey when the alpha’s start to wake to the sound of soft breathy moans. the alpha's don’t immediately register that none of them are awake and that it’s purely omegan whines and whimpers that coat the air in the sound and smell of sweet pleasure.

Honey, cake, and cream.

Jungkook giggles softly, looking down and you can’t help but smile too- dopey. Fucked out. Fucked dumb. They’re not exactly surprised that you’ve gone non-verbal. Babbling only for Tae and Yoongi when they seriously prod you for a question.

This is just another spike of your heat only… you didn’t bother to wake your alpha’s up for it. You don’t really need your alpha’s knot when Koo is so soft and when Jinnie is- honestly very big for an omega, perfect enough for a bit of comfort in your hole.

But putting the pack omega’s cock all up inside you would not be good. You want to be good for Jungkook, your nestmate who has bitten you so thoroughly your skin aches from his teeth. From your chest to your shoulders and neck. To your hips and backside. Everywhere he’s bitten you up. So that anyone who sees you will know.

The three of you giggle and rub. What started as cuddling and a bit of grinding has become something different.

You and Jungkook hover above Jin lying down, Jungkook teased him a little bit ago for his grandpa's behavior, for not wanting to move and being too cozy. His omega cock stands hard and proud. Not terribly big, but not as small as Jungkook either. You and Jungkook seem not to notice the difference.

You and Jungkook sit perched above Seokjin, the pack omega’s hands roaming without care. His face is pink and his eyes are half closed, sleepy, and happy to let you and Jungkook take what you need.

At least Jin’s heat is near ending. Your and Jungkook’s roar in the meantime. You grind into each other, tummy to tummy, Jin below the two of you left to lazily rock up into the drippy sweet cleft between your pussy and Jungkook’s cock. It’s all very slick as you move against each other. Rubbing and grinding and giggling.

Hoseok blinks awake in the nest, picking himself up with a jerk.

A combination of your slick soaks Jin’s lap, and turns the grind sudsy, almost soapy as he slides up through your pussy kissing Jungkook’s cock. Omega’s do love to scent and rub and grind; you’re doing some mixture of the two. Not scissoring, but it would be scissoring if Jungkook had a pussy instead of the little nub he calls his cock. Jungkook reaches down, tapping his cock against your clit. You purr and squeak at it.

You’re… a bit of a mess, after having been fucked by every available alpha and Yoongi so hard like that earlier- your hole is a bit of a wreck, you're leaking slick and globs of alpha cum that Jin and Jungkook are only too possessive over. Pink when Jungkook reaches down to part your pussy with his hands and sees your wrecked entrance. He's too happy to smear it all over.

You can hardly blame Koo for his fascination, dragging his own little cock and forth between the mess. Putting his cock in (not that you can even close around it, small as Jungkook is) just to feel the heat of your body and what the alpha’s did to you.

It’s a good thing that most of Jungkook’s knot collection is locked safely away in the closet. Otherwise he might be tempted to see if you can take the largest one. The one that’s larger even than Namjoon that Jungkook's only managed to take on occasion when the pack feels like devoting multiple days into opening him up. The one that often leads to multiple days of aftercare because it actually is a little medically questionable for Jungkook to take.

Jungkook might have a bit of a thing for it; a size kink. thats never more apparent than when you're close. when he puts his hands around your waist and his hands almost meet. Watching you take things that look too big, that fuck you dumb like this is jungkook's favorite.

Now that the alphas aren’t making him feel so…so omegan, so fucked out. He’s sorry he missed most of it. He wants to see it again, wants to watch you get fucked open on namjoon's cock.

Jimin lifts his head from the nest, doing a double take and cursing when he realizes that it's not a wet dream just- just real. Namjoon rubs a hand across his jaw, sitting up on his knees in the half-darkness. Clearly he's been awake for a while. His hand goes ridged on Namjoon’s wrist but the pack alpha doesn't look down at him- he doesn't tear his eyes away from you three.

Namjoon’s cock presses up between his boxers, put on for modesty- and because normally omega’s in heat can’t be trusted not to get a little handsy. Hard, insistent. Now, Namjoon wishes that you'd get a little handsy. That would be better than just watching.

“You didn’t?…” he asks, trailing off. Namjoon swallows hard shaking his head. Namjoon already has his hand hooked into Hobi's collar, keeping him in place. Keeping him from interfering. Hobi lets out a lupine whimper. More a puppy than a man.

“Jin asked me not to intervene.”

The pack alpha’s restraint is legendary, especially when Jin giggles at the way you’re bouncing or trying to bounce on Jungkook’s cock. The pack omega tuts, and slips in besides Jungkook, half pushing him out of the way. Jimin starts, but there’s no reason to.

After fucking Namjoon there is more than enough room in your pussy.

The sight of you and Jungkook rubbing your used holes together is something that should honestly be recorded for the communal pack spank bank. The three of you pink-cheeked and healthy, and-

Knocked up. The three of you look like you’ve just been knocked up even though they know you haven't. Your skin glows healthy, your bodies supple and fed. Relaxed and loopy, showing the signs of the care the pack have lavished you with.

Jinnie's glowing too- skin smooth and blemishless, lips puffy and glossy from being kissed so much (as they should be). Although his glow is softer and less harsh. Jin’s heat is already ending, just another ten or so hours now. The fever quiets to a soft hush, a gentle need instead of a rabid one.

Was it the pack omega that dragged you and Jungkook to get off on top of him? It won’t be long now. Namjoon can tell you’re both close to cumming from the way you're shaking and the way Jungkook's breathing.

The slick glossy look of your thighs, your hiccups, the sight of Jin’s cock pressing between your slick folds, peaking out, rubbing against your clit, and the head of Jungkook’s little cock. The pack omega’s hands are hungry twitching as jin cranes back and inarticulately tucks his hands into both your holes. stroking both of them. Jin’s cheeks look round, pouting as he concentrates.

“Want pups, my pups, gimme,” you and Jungkook giggle, pressing sloppy kisses to each other’s mouths, Jinnie’s too- although the pack omega does little but pout and rock into the warmth. Into the wet.

The alpha’s watch and it’s torturous to keep themselves back. But they're good alpha's. When your and Jungkook's rocking reaches a fever's pitch and then quiets. Trembling and overwhelmed. Clinging to each other, threatening to topple.

When you’re finished there is more than one available knot, hard and aching, ready to sit on.

~-~

That’s not the last time that Jungkook seeks you out during his heat. far from it.

You’re not surprised that both his and yours have lasted longer than Jin’s (probably by a day or so). Your and his hormones spike and feed off each other, your heat spikes syncing until your packmates have to handle both of you at once. Your hand remains knotted with his, whining every time one of your alphas tries to cajole you gently away from him. Unwilling to be parted from him during knotting for comfort.

The lulls between Jin’s heat spikes get longer and longer while yours and Jungkook’s remain the same. Jungkook’s even speed up a little if anything.  

Jungkook loves going into heat with you- he really does, it feels like he’s always reaching, always craning his neck to watch you. The tender nape of his neck is bruised from the number of times that the alphas have had to scruff him docile. All of him feels Bitten and nibbled at every available opportunity.

Really, Jungkook's sort of in heaven.

The alphas never throw him around the same way they do when he's in heat. They don’t treat him like he’s delicate, like he’s precious, especially with you around to dote on and fuss with. You take the brunt of Jin’s protective instinct too.

Jungkook can be as bratty as he wants, bite whichever alpha he wants, and chirp as long as he needs to. Outside of heat they rarely ever hold him down and make him take it. They always hold back. Only in heat at his most vulnerable do the alphas really stop treating him like he's fragile.

He likes pushing their buttons and making them bite. Now, Jungkook does it because he can't stand it.

Cute aggression? It must be cute aggression.

He wants to squeeze and nibble and wreck you, Watching as jimin tucks his face into your neck as his knot twitches, your entrances stretched tight around it and your legs wide open so that Yoongi can gift tortuously small touches to your clit, all but torturing it as you seem to squirt and squirt and squirt.

So much until you’re dripping around the hollow of his wrist. Your petal pink lips parted, ready for a nibble. He'd barely satiated his desire to mark you up earlier. The haze of hormones is thicker than smoke in the air, turning his brain mushy as he listens to Yoongi beg.

“One more, just one more for me. You made me cum until I couldn’t anymore so now it’s your turn.”

You sob, but thats not a no. Your knees get brought up. Cute, plush, like a fucking stuffed animal. Jungkook once again, gets the inexplicable urge to squeeze you.

The alpha's have you both pressed chest to chest. Underneath you, Jimin continues to drive his cock in smooth efficient bunches, a knot already popped inside. You'd asked him to be mean with it and sob you do. Begging and pleading for more more more at the same time you say you can't take another orgasam.

Jungkook remains above you on his hands and knees. Namjoon lies along Jungkook's spine. Punching a groan from Jungkook’s chest with every impossibly long and thick drag of his cock. Making the omega feel all of it.

A fresh wave of your slick squirts against jungkook's chest and Jungkook's arms buckle. He sort of falls half on top of you. Yoongi hums and puts Jungkook back on his hands and knees so that he can keep touching your pussy. Jungkook rests his body against Yoongi's arm to keep himself up. Mouth open.

Jungkook thinks he might imagine it. He must, because he can feel Namjoon’s cock pressing against his tummy, feel it as the bulge kisses your skin the give of your belly button.

Your giggle feels like a punch to his gut. As your hand slides up his slick stomach to palm at the belly bulge, touch him the same way he touched Namjoon's cock through you. He loves it. He presses his forehead against yours, your eyes just as dilated and as gone as his. Rubbing his face against yours in a half kiss- half scent mark.

There's a lot of squirting, mostly from you. Jungkook likes watching you squirt. It's so pretty.

Jimin yanks his knot out of your hole, a move that he wouldn’t be able to pull if you hadn’t been knotted by Namjoon recently. Perhaps inspired by watching you knotfuck Yoongi. Pulling at you so hard that it honestly to god looks like it hurts, it looks mean. It makes you squirt violently again against Jungkook's straining abdominal muscles.

Jungkook bites your cheek. Hmm, squishy.

He bites the other side, and it blooms under his teeth.

You tremble and almost seem to pass out of a second. And then- really do pass out once Namjoon pulls back, reaches around Jungkook, and says something to Yoongi, who pulls his fingers away from your clit, you jerk trying to chase the pleasure. Only to run headlong into Namjoon’s hand, landing hard over your clit.

You gush through Namjoon’s fingers, soaking the place where he and Jungkook join. At the same moment Namjoon shoves his slick-coated knot into Jungkook’s hole.  

Your head lols back against Jimin's shoulder and you let out a single broken whimper. they're pushing you to your breaking point. (But you have a gut feeling that once you break and they put back together, you'll finally feel whole).

Across the nest, Jin perks up a little horrified. He's being fussed over by Tae and Hobi, happily doted upon while Hobi's knot rests safe inside. knot warming. Comforting Jin through the end of his heat. Hobi turns and Tae starts to get up to intervene but then- 

Jungkook giggles at your sobs, lapping at your tears. Clenching wildly and grinding back against Namjoon’s knot, the pack alpha moves him so that Jungkook can press his lips to your slack mouth.

You blink, dazed, look up at him.

“Meanie Joonie” Jungkook giggles, the omegaspace haze so thick he can hardly string a coherent sentence together. “Meanie Minnie! Meanie Yoonie! Again! Wanna see!” Jungkook moves, trying to get his hand in between your legs to spank your clit again, but his swats don’t do anything, too gentle.

Jungkook is literally getting the daylights fucked out of him right now, he hardly has the energy to lift his own head, let alone spank your pussy the way he wants.

oh, after this heat, after this, he's going to have so much fun figuring out how much you can take.

Yoongi's teeth look incredibly sharp, a little feral at being asked. But Jimin nods and fuckes his knot out of you and Yoongi spanks your clit again. You've never squirted so many times in a row but you leak like a faucet now.

The next flood of your slick lands on Jungkook’s cock. Jutting against your stomach with the force of Namjoon’s thrusts. He giggles again. Shifting closer away from Namjoon- hissing at the tension around his knot. So that Jungkook can press your slick stained and swollen tummies together better.

When he cums too seconds later, from another brutal press of Namjoon’s knot to his prostate and a mean pinch to the head of his cock- he giggles and uses his hand to spread his spend over your stomach.

You’re already lost to exhaustion. But Jungkook pecks your nose, tucks his face under your throat, and goes right to sleep. 

When Jungkook wakes, he's still like that. He's not being filled, and things are calmer.

The freshly fallen night is a hush on the edge of the nest, There is a different need coursing through him. A different sort of wanting. A physical hunger. His body is exhausted, sore, and bitten.

Your chest smells like Tae's lipstick, like her kisses. Jungkook’s pretty pretty pretty alpha, the prettiest alpha that is on the other side of the nest, talking with Jin and sharing soft kisses. She must have come over earlier to check on you, must have kissed you here.

Jungkook is dimly aware of her soft words, “Do you want a knot Jinnie? Some food? Some water? A cloth? How are you feeling? Does anywhere ache my love?”

Jin's answering hum is exhausted but happy. After a second he quietly admits, “My thighs hurt.”

Yoongi is summoned, Hobi too. To squeeze and help relax the pack omega. The sound of his squeaky laugh and shy moan a welcome return.  

Jungkook dozes while you and Jinnie rest, his body over your body, lined up chest to chest, nuzzling first at your throat and then lower when Jungkook's instincts tug at him. The pack is not as worried about him being snappy. They've long since decided that whatever happened at the beginning of the heat was just that- an anomaly at the beginning. Both of your instincts settling.

But now, Jungkook crouches over you like an alpha might. Protective.

Possessive.

There is something syrupy sweet in the air, just below your skin. Jungkook couldn’t smell it until he started nosing at your throat, but now he can. Something laces through your veins, something that smells divine, something that he can almost taste, like sugar only sweeter.

He begins to move lower.

Your breasts smell like Tae, like alpha, they’ve been given so much attention, teeth marks and bruises line your areolas, Tae has sucked your nipples pink and sensitive and stiff puffy already. Imprints of Jungkook’s pretty alpha and her pretty teeth stay there like a shadow, a bruise. There is a word you call her, 'mommy.' He likes it when you call her that. It has Jungkook’s pretty alpha smelling muskier and impossibly prettier.

Jungkook’s mouth is perilously empty, it's starting to bother him. Jungkook lips his lips. Dry.

Her voice comes distant now, your hands push at Jungkook’s shoulders when he noses, but only briefly before Jungkook’s pretty alpha tuts, holding you still and keeping you from squirming as he noses, pushing through your sweet skin, searching for something. Girl omega’s are so soft. So soft everywhere.

Jungkook loves it. Is this Omegaspace? Or pupspace? Or some combination of the two.

Something starts squirming underneath him, a chest rising and falling, a heartbeat beating rabbit prey fast. But the squirming stops as quickly as it begins. Jungkook's pretty alpha looms closer, coming to see what you're fussing for and cooing at your quiet squeaks and chirps.

Tae's wrist is close, close to Jungkook's teeth as she grabs your wrist and holds you steady. Restraining you gently. “Let Jungkook have at you pup, he’s been a very good omega, don’t you want to help soothe him?”

Of course, Tae does not notice that Jungkook's going after something new, and does not notice that this isn't normal soothing. Sucking at your chest is her favorite thing. She doesn't think anything strange of Jungkook's hungry licking and desperate sucking.

There is some sweet whining on the edge of Jungkook’s senses. Independent of the sweetness beneath his nose, the warmth reaches his lips and he opens his mouth to suck. His breath going ragged.

Closer, closer still, warm and soft against his face, like a nest made flesh, like Jungkook’s nest in one person.

Jungkook sucks at your chest, lips pressing once they find the source of it- of that smell. Your nipple on the roof of his mouth is exactly what he'd been missing. Comforting. You are so soft, so soothing. He likes it. There is no fire from heat with you here at his front and yet, Jungkook still burns. The sweet smell under your skin is closer this way. Jungkook needs it, needs you like water. Clinging.

His taste buds spark with something, just a little at first then more the more that he sucks. Jungkook makes a soft sound and Tae just shushes him. Alpha, he wants to speak, alpha found it! His squishy Omegaspace brain wants to tell Tae. The urge to show and tell is quickly overridden by the need for more.

It's so sweet. So fatty that Jungkook's head spins. Mouth filling with liquid that tastes like you, but a bit like Jinnie too.

You taste Milky.  

Jungkook's eyebrows come together and Tae teases, her fingers running against his cheek slowly filling. throat bobbing Her voice sounds like it does when she's grinning. Tae can be forgiven for not immediately realizing what’s happening because Jungkook is swallowing it down before any of it has a chance to make it to open air, gasping and sucking wildly. Hungry.

"Oh, tasting something good bunny?" Jungkook's sure she must be smiling even though his eyes are still closed. Still half asleep but waking up.

A little more, something hot and sweet fills his mouth, and Jungkook sucks it all down, more with every tight press of his lips. Your squirming stops and you sigh, going rim rod straight for a second and then relaxing.

You're staring up at Tae all dazed and cute, letting out sweet babbles of "mommy mommy-alpha mommy please." Your toes curling in the nest. But who knows what you're asking for.

tae reaches down and puts her fingers in your mouth, giving you something to suck at, quieting your desperate whimpers.

Jungkook doesn't like it, doesn't like her touching you. this milk is his- it belongs to him. The milk sweet and fatty fills his mouth, slowly at first, then more. You stop squirming below him, sighing in relief body going slack. Jungkook's arms go firm around your waist, holding you still, holding you close.

It's good, yummy even. Jungkook sucks more and more and more without really understanding. His heat-fried brain not sorting through the facts of the situation.

"Does Jungkook feel good little pup? Is he making you feel all tingly?" Tae teases, softly now, like she's conscious of the idea of waking everyone else up. She leans down crouching over to nip at your throat. Settling you. But there's nothing to settle, your head lol's to the side, staring blankly ahead. Whimpering. drooling around tae's fingers, she takes them out and slips them down your throat. stroking gently.

"Hopefully he doesn't bite you too sensitive because it's my turn once he's done, gonna squirm and cry for me gonna-" Tae breaks off, inhaling jagged.

Jungkook's tongue rolls against your nipple, keeping a small dribble from slipping down your body. Lips parted in ecstasy, a single drop drips from his tongue onto your skin, just a little.

But it's enough.

There is something pearly, dribbled down around your sternum. Almost translucent, but still white and cloudy.

Tae blinks like she can't really believe it.

Then she growls, loud, shocked. violent enough to wake the others. Whereas before she'd been stroking through Jungkook's hair, now her hand goes vicelike and tries to pull him off. Jungkook whines and squirms, unwilling to be parted from you until Tae growls again in warning.

Namjoon picks up his head from the nest at the sound. Jin blinks awake against his throat and Yoongi shifts and shuffles awake. Rubbing his eyes with a closed fist when he sits up.

When Tae finally succeeds in pulling him off of you, he looks almost hurt, pouting up at her. Tae's gaze eviscerates him. Their eyes narrow at the spill of it, the glimmer of milk on his lips. A bit of milk dribbles down Jungkook's cheek. Traveling down his collar bones to his pectorals and abs, gathering in his belly button, in the little furrow of skin between his lap and tummy.

Tae's finger gathers it on her fingertip and guides it back up to Jungkook's mouth, a breathless growl. Incredulous, near worshiping.

"Messy puppy."

How many more biological surprises could the pack possibly have in store for them? They're a little too tired to be particularly alarmed, and yet, they drag their bodies over. To make sure, to see.

To taste.

Hoseok hangs his head, his whine supine. "Jesus fucking Christ, you-" Namjoon looks away then looks back again. Like he can't quite bring himself to watch and can't quite tear his gaze away.

“I’ve only just gotten used to the idea of Yoongi knotting and now-"

Jin wordlessly rubs a hand over his face, Jimin doesn't say anything, trying to muscle Yoongi out of the way, looking down at you with something indescribable, at Jimin's movement, Namjoon's hands go to your elbow, your wrist, and Jin snaps.

"No, everyone behave. She is not a chew toy."

Everyone goes quiet, admonished. Tae continues to hold you, still looking down, and Jin realizes that if he's not careful, everyone is going to snap. Tae is going to snap. He can see it in the tremble of her body, the curl of her teeth over her lip, her control is seconds from snapping. Her scent spikes climbing higher and higher, almost smelling like she's in rut.

but you're his pup. jin bends under the force of his instincts, checking on your first. Jin leans over you, brushing the hair out of your eyes, and revealing your glassy fuzzy gaze.

"Daddy?" you ask, confused. Jin hasn't heard that name in a little while, not that he's complaining.

"Sweet little puppy, my sweet little pup, are you alright, is it too much?"

Your hand's press and release in the nest. "No just- just hurts- aches, Koo.” Your eyelashes flutter, “Koo makes it better.”

Jungkook is a possessive little thing, hisses and splutters and clings to your front. even as yoongi and namjoon try to get him off of you You squirm looking up at Tae and Yoongi and Jin, the haze cuts for a moment and they recognize your franticness as more than just overstimulation.

"Do you want us to get Jungkook off of you?" Yoongi asks, voice husky. Namjoon holds Jungkook prepared to wrench him off of you if you say so. Jungkook isn't in his right mind, but Yoongi can't help but watch as he sucks like a man starved, throat bobbing with every swallow. His cheeks warm and round-looking. Oh, oh this is-

Yoongi is getting hard. The skin around his new knot tugging. He really really thought that after this morning when you rode him like your life depended on it- that would have been that.

You nod then shake your head. "Want Mommy to choose- want Tae-tae."

Namjoon uses the hand in Jungkook’s hair to pick him up off of you for a second. Jin has to pinch the back of his neck to get his teeth to release. Your nipple is pink and bitten when his mouth finally leaves you.

They watch for a second, but it barely takes a moment before the milk is back, dribbling out, trailing down the curve of your breast. Jungkook is still half asleep. Shifting downward happily when he realizes the pack don’t mind it if he licks up whats spilled. Bending down to lap up what’s trailed down to your tummy and navel.

Tae's nostrils flare and her eyes are all pupil, dark and brown, and glassy. Yoongi jogs her out of her reverie.

"Tae." he asks, an edge of dominance to his voice that wouldn't have sounded the same yesterday, not before Yoongi had a knot. Yoongi shakes his head, wordlessly. And he sees Tae return to herself, just a little.

You squirm under Jungkook. Upset, lower lip wobbling. "No, I want, want Koo- it- it aches-" Tears bead at the edge of your eyes and Yoongi is not thinking, not truly, when he reaches down to feel.

You whine as Yoongi toys with your chest, fingers rubbing gently over your wet peaks, rolling them until more milk beads. Mesmerized. Slowly at first and then more aggressively, tugging at them until your back arches.

"Tae," Namjoon's voice is stressed, Jimin shuffles up beside her, offering a comforting touch on her shoulder. "Tae" Namjoon repeats, a bit more command in his voice, her gaze jerks up in his direction.

"Yes"

"Can you handle this without going into rut?"

"Yes alpha." Namjoon watches her for a second longer. Judging the haze in her eyes, and then tips his head down. Permission. But Namjoon is nearby, Namjoon is watchful and wont let any of them go too far.

It’s gentle- how the alphas manhandle you, placing you square in Namjoon's lap, reclining there for your mommy to have her turn. He can hold your wrists this way, you want to squirm, need to squirm. The ache is overwhelming. You just want to full feeling to end. Jungkook was so close to making it go away.

“Be still little treasure, sweet sweet pup, let Taetae have what’s hers.”

Jungkook tries to go back. But Tae doesn't let him, muscling him out of the way until she growls and nips. Speaking with snarls and whines and not with words. But Jungkook is but a pup beneath Tae's play wrestling. She's always been stronger than him and after a brief scuffle of push and pull, he whines. Resting his head on your shoulder.

Tae can hardly think through it. Her pup, her sweet little pup, chest swelling from her attention. Was it her sucking that did this? Was it her sucking that tugged your biological impulse until it shifted into real change?

You are so perfect she could cry, she could knot the air with how horny it makes her.

Tae looks at your face, your tears spill down your cheeks and your voice cracks, "Mommy?” you think if Tae checks, if she makes sure that you’re okay, everything will be fine.

Tae lowers herself gently over you, hair tickling your skin, and connects her mouth to your chest.

Tae is immediately gone, milk filling her mouth that tastes like ambrosia, like the heavens made liquid, like home. she grinds her popped knot against the nest as she sucks and sucks and sucks. immune to your squealing. Hand reaching down to paw uncaring of your overstimulation. You're as wet between your legs as you are on your chest. Her brain is a mess of more and more and more.

For a second, Tae's alpha convinces her that she's actually done it, she's actually pupped you. Why else would you be sweetening so much? Why else would you be like this, sweet and swollen on her tongue.

You're getting slick all over the nest again, Tae can feel slick gathering around her wrist, fingers losing their concentration, so focused on getting more milk in her mouth, sucking that she forgets to finger you properly. Your chest is so sensitive you feel like you could scream. Every suck makes you sob in overstimulation.

Above you, Yoongi curses.

Each packmate must have their turn with you, once they all rouse and confusion quickly melts away into downright giddiness. It's dizzying, your eyes are closed half the time, and the other half you're not sure you can make sense of what's infront of you either.

Brain settling into that place where everything feels good, where nothing matters but the pleasure and the soft praises falling from their mouths. Namjoon muscles Tae out of the way for a taste after she's turned slack-jawed and milk-drunk. And his spiky head pressed against your skin makes you feel- makes you-

Obey obey obey. You lose track of what’s happening, but your pack does give you what you want, what your body needs. You don’t have to squirm too much before someone, one of your alpha’s or is it Yoongi? Shuffling between your legs to bury his head in your chest.

Having them feed from you is a flurry of sensations. They bury their faces in your chest, hair tickles skin, stubble pressing. Someone giggles, Tae maybe. She presses a kiss to your button mouth. Eyes furrowed as you cry and cry and cry.

You don’t understand why you’re crying, why you’re overwhelmed. But you don’t need to think too hard about it or anything. Any needs that you do have are taken care of.

The pack always know what you need, that you need to feel steady, held and kept. the second you start to push. They restrain you.

Why would you even need a breeding bench when you have your packmates to keep you still? There are hands holding you down everywhere, your wrists, your ankles. Your knees. You push against their touch just to feel them put you in your place.

And as much as you struggle to admit it, you do feel better, and less tense. Less full. Less like a rubber band poised to snap when they pull back.

You cum like that, fingers in your pussy, mouth around your nipple. You don't know how much you have or how much milk they're taking from you but it's enough to leave the alpha's milk drunk and dopey. Even Jinnie is a little dazed from it when he has his turn.

It shouldn't surprise you that Yoongi is the gentlest, pushing Namjoon away after you've come, kissing him, cursing low at the taste in his mouth.

"Really hyung, your mate, fuck-"

"Fuck." Yoongi agrees. Nosing at your chest before he latches, lips sucking your nipple into his tongue, waiting for that first spark. And oh- oh- drinking from you feels like cuddling. You could call him a sap and you'd be right but there's something so instinctual about it. He knots and you give milk. Round and round your instincts go on the merry-go-round until both of you get off.

Who knows maybe your body stopped and waited to make the shift until Yoongi's did.

You only really squirm when Jin guides Hoseok down. He's blushy and tries to pull back, But the pack omega doesn’t take his shyness for an answer without a no. All pups need to eat, all pups need to get their fill. Your milk smells so sweet, so filling. Lifeblood and love and satisfaction made sustenance. Your body wouldn’t be milking up so nicely if it wasn’t for your alpha’s. They should taste the result of their efforts.

Hoseok only lets himself take one mouthful, shivers rising up and down his body before he moves aside and lets Jimin have a taste.

Jimin- who almost immediately tries to bite and snarl. Nipping at your skin when tae jerks him away from you by his hair maw open. He's barely had a sit but that's enough for Jimin to turn feral. Immediately straining, immediately pulled in your direction. A dark purple bruise is already forming around your nipple. Too rough, Jin fusses, pulling a blanket over to you, building a nest around your body.

"No Jiminie- bad!"

Namjoon takes Jimin from Tae. The alpha snarls and splutters but whines when Namjoon snaps at his throat.

You are not lucid, not really. Eyes closed and reaching for your packmates. Someone touches you, hands frantically checking your body- but you want to tell them that Jiminie really- he just got a little teethie. It's okay. You're fine!

Tae bends to kiss it better. They guard you while the sound of snarls sound from the other side of the nest. Namjoon dealing with Jimin. They guard you. Their sweet milky pup, who could possibly be more precious?

After Yoongi has another turn, you decide dimly that it's a good thing, your body moving the edge of its tolerance and doing this. Lactating. Swelling with milk. Maybe it's because it's been so long since you've gone into heat.

After a few minutes, the bellies of your pack are warm nourished, and full. It’s okay, you can sit here like this, open and still for each of them to take a taste. Sucking your nipples pink and puffy.

“Is it permanent?” Jungkook slurs when he’s woken up a bit, yawning until his jaw pops, milk-drunk and sleepy. Nuzzling into your shoulder while Jimin gives you so much attention that you’re squirming (this time wearing Namjoon’s collar since someone needed to hold onto him and keep him from biting).

His ass glows where he sprawls and every time he so much as threatens to growl Namjoon leans over and pinches his sore behind. A warning that everything, all that sweet sweet milk in his tummy. Belongs to Alpha. Jimin can only have it if he's good.

“Is it gonna be like this all the time?"

There is a computer-cracking light on the edge of the nest, a square of light that Namjoon clicks through. Licking his lips again, although your milk no longer coats them. He brought it out earlier when Jin had questions about Yoongi, but now he’s glad to have close access to it.

“It’s fairly common with female omega’s, something about the extra glands and phantom pregnancies.” Namjoon’s voice has gone from hoarse to strong. Your milk on his throat.

Namjoon looks at you, then blushes and looks away.

You don’t know if you’ve ever made Namjoon blush like that. You still lay prone, blinking up at Tae. Wordless. Your brain is small under the feeling of so much attention. A tension in you is released easily. 

Jin gets up from the nest, so quick that he goes dizzy, he’s wearing boxers now, boxers, and a big shirt. Jin too had tasted you. A few swallows. Good, it tasted so good. But your head lolls in the nest to the side, letting out little shallow breaths as Jimin sucks at your chest, your other breast still swollen looking.

Oh, Jin's little pup. You're being so good.

Jin’s instincts bear down on him. An impressive weight that makes him buckle. “I need to go cook something. If everyone's going to eat but her- that’s- I-” Jin huffs and makes to leave the nest in a huff. determined and not the least bit wobbly.

Hoseok trails after. Lips glossy from milk, too flushed to think straight, tripping on the edge of the nest and hitting the door on the way out. Embarrassed a little- but then again everyone is paying attention to you so it goes without teasing.

Huh, the pack omega is leaving the nest. Does that mean the heat is over?

No not quite, you and Jungkook still burn with fever. It's just Jin's heat that's ended. Who knows, maybe one sip of your milk had his body reacting, reassuring him that the work is done, at least one omega got pupped during this heat (you certainly did not get pupped, the contraceptive did its duty, but your confused body has Jin's confused as well).

Although you squirmed initially, the fact of the matter is that once everyone's had a sip, your nipple sucked hard and glossy- it’s a little hard not to need it. The release of pressure, the tension. Your body makes more the more they suck.

You try to enjoy breakfast once Jin's made it, feeling warm and sleepy, bites fed to your mouth. Chewing and swallowing obediently. But it’s hard, you’re so tired. Unable to hold yourself up no matter how much they try and get you to. Limp propped against Yoongi's chest, Namjoon's, your body so heavy and so tired and now sore the second someone stops sucking.

No sooner has Yoongi slipped one of Hoseok’s shirts over your head than has wetness started to gather at the front and an uncomfortable pressure began to build. They give up and take it off because Tae is eyeing you hungrily and really. Your whines of displeasure and teary eyes are too much for them to handle. Simultaneously denied and overstimulated.

Tae sets you back against Jimin’s chest, the alpha holding around your middle. She may have had one sip earlier but now that they’ve established that yes feeding from you is something you need she’s going to hog you.

She ducks low, kissing your nose, your lips, your chin before she buries her head where you’re softest.

“Mommy mommy please.” You whine as she teases, using just her lips to mouth there, waiting until milk beads, sensitive, slip down your skin to lap it all up.

“Oh little pup, don’t want to let any go to waste? We can’t have that. You’re so sweet like this. How good you are- how lucky we are. Alpha’s fucked you so good you can’t help but milk up huh? Wanted a pup so bad that your body caught on before a pup did huh? How cute. Aren’t we so lucky Minnie?”

“So lucky,” Jimin groans, holding around your middle, hands pressed to your stomach. Slipping lower as Tae sucks.

There is some hushed whispering, a rustle of bed sheets, you blink up at the ceiling, and then a vibration sounds, and you let out a broken, “oh.” as it starts.

You turn, look, and Yoongi grins, tears bead at the corner of your eyes, but it’s hard not to rock up into it. You remember- the alphas putting a collection of vibrators and knots and dildos on the edge of the nest, in case they needed them. But it's a good reward now, an easy orgasm that hits you warm.

Your body is hungry for pleasure, endlessly hungry for it in heat. Tae laps up the center of your chest while she switches from tit to tit, both milk and sweat. Feral as she does it, a look down at her says her eyes are dark, teeth sharp.

But she’s so careful, so gentle as she sucks. Yoongi turns the vibration up higher, and you jerk, or try to. Sandwich in on all sides. Surrounded by them, carried to the precipice of pleasure by the vibrator pressed to your clit, keeping you pinned there beneath the waves of pleasure. So much. Too much. Your body is so sensitive from the last three days of this. You can’t possibly handle it.

“Can’t cum again, can’t Mommy, too- too little. Too much.” You babble, but Tae tuts. Pulling off of you, a bead of milk on her pink lips.

“Good pups cum as many times as their Mommy wants them to, come on pup, make a mess all over Mommy’s dress for me."

You obey her with a broken whimper.

~-~

notes:

namjoon is so fucking horny when he's talking about yoongi's knot and i lowkey love it, how kinda like- obviously guided by hornyness he is.

also it is 1000% the mating mark that's making yoongi have a knot like- his biology is all fucked up because beta's aren't supposed to mate, the hormones in his body that keep him neutral are being kinda 'adjusted' by the m/c's slick and mark and hormones.

me 🤝 the m/c, wanting to bite yoongi's nose.

i really wanted the scene with yoongi and the m/c to kinda be like- a final opus and like super intense, how did i do?

i struggled with writing some of the dialogue in this initially- which is so /not/ how writing usually goes for me, usually the dialogue is very easy to me but i worry that i'm getting a bit repetitive with my kinks.

honestly why do i feel the need to make the smut poetic like??? is this only for me or is this a thing???? "Yoongi fucks the same way he talks, sweet but firm. he cums that way too. Warm and slow. You feel every syllable and every drop." like thats so pretty.

the m/c bites tae because she's making yoongi overwhelmed and that's the m/cs job 😠.

okay but the reason why i describe yoongi as breathing heavy is because i personally may have...stumbled uppon a audio of his breathes and him breathing heavy and fuck if that isn't hot.

part of yoongi's smutt scene was inspired by badoobee's 'real man' so yeah, i don't really really really like the message of her song, but it is sexy so 🤷‍♀️

yoongi with the life fucked out of him: 😵‍💫 mc: i did a good job 🥰 honestly though in my mind he has trouble being in the same room as her after she litterally rides him until he can't cum anymore.

honestly jk and her holding hands while they're both getting fucked is such a cute image like fuck i love them so much. i love this version of jungkook so much- i'll always be happy with his charecter in bily.

dang, i really did make jungkook's parts super super horny.

i feel like everyone who reads this should know it's completely possible to make yourself lactate just from nipple stimulation like- even if you're male. lowkey when am i going to write a normal non-abo total power exchange fic with cisswap taegi turning the m/c into their little milksub, and they decide (because the m/c's mommies know best) that they'll put her through a sucking schedule to see if they can make her chest turn milky as an experiment! only to offer her milk up to all their friends ie the rest of bts, bonus points if she starts leaking when they're at a normal friend gathering and it turns into everyone trying it.

Similarly to how yoongi always pops a knot after this, i think the m/c also lactates through every heat after this. and then one day in the distant future after one heat it just...doesn't stop. And the pack realize it's a sign that she actually /does/ want to be knocked up or at least her inner omega has decided she's ready to actually be bred.

is this self indulgent? yes. do i care? no.

even i have to admit that i'm a little bit tired of writing smutt at this point tbh...but luckily we have just one chapter after this with smutt! and it's mostly aftercare and a lovely little spanking scene <3

[mjrkime]

Okay, I reblogged a fair amount of nice stuff for today. Now I'm ready to endulge into my daily does of smart words. Because sometimes an unexplainable desire to sound smart takes over me and I need to let it out like a temper tantrum as a way to not let it marinade. Otherwise I might actually believe that I'm smart and bother too many people after awhile 8D

Also, coffee tastes like crap today. Coffee machines are tricky devils.

Anyway...

Idk if anyone relates to this, but I know how it feels when the only desire to have in life is a desire to not exist or just "be left alone", "be at peace". When I've been crawling through my postgraduate program in University on sheer willpower, I remember thinking how what I'm doing doesn't make sense, how anything I've ever done doesn't make sense. Back then I started to realise that the path I've tried to follow in life was never meant to be enjoyable or, most likely was never meant for me. I was waiting for happiness to finally come to me, but alas it never did. Because a) there was no foundation for it and b) there is no such thing as permanent happiness. Fortunately, I had funds to start therapy right around that time. But with all that, it became apparent to me that not only was I completely baffled by the fact that there was no tasty treat waiting for me around the corner to compensate for years of suppressing copious amounts of anger, but it also occurred to me that I never really wanted anything. As in a sense of... goals, motivations and stuff. I couldn't shut up about not being happy in life, couldn't stop complaining and whining, but when people got fed up with it and started asking me "Okay, what do you want?!" I had no direct answer. All that came to my mind was "nothing". I can't say I came over it. It feels better and people around me say that it's better, but it annoys me that I just can't rewrite certain parts of myself. There are still times when I'm angry at others for being more successful/motivated/confident/rich than me, but as I get more and more stuck up, the success of others starts mattering less and less. Except for the times when I'm knocked out with anxiety, but I know that mouthing angry words towards anyone who just happened to have what I didn't won't solve something that can't be solved. Because a lot of life is up to pure luck. I'm lucky for many reasons. It's only funny, though, how with that unexplainable line of lucky coincidences I have failed to find happiness completely. This bothers me still, sometimes more, sometimes less. Because it feels like the universe is giving me all the instruments and cringes immensely when I'm just missing the point. The universe doesn't give a crap, of course, but that's besides the point. When I'm feeling better nowadays I think about ways to discipline myself, like starting to workout again, eating better, and going for walks more often. All these things never fulfilled me because I expected them to "fix" me. There was supposed to be that one magic pill that would've changed everything. Of course there wasn't and there never will be. Getting better was always a process and I'm actually afraid to confidently say that I really got better. More or less, it just feels appropriate to think that if I'm not struggling to go over the same obstacle the way I struggled before, it might actually be better. Funny thing as well, my lifelong pattern was to rely on fictional characters for delivering me the experiences that I was gravely afraid of getting through myself. Living life felt forbidden because I felt dead and it only recently occurred to me that life just isn't fun because it doesn't look like my fantasies about it, lol. It still feels safer to live through certain experiences through fictional characters, but I certainly don't feel as detached and dissociated from my current self.

Idk where I was going with this. I guess, if you found this post and you felt something similar, hey, you're not alone. I won't sugarcoat and say that 'if I got better, you can too' as it feels like applying an additional pressure where nobody wants it. Plus, we all know that a lot of things are up to just luck and circumstances, so it's safe to say... We all might get better, we might not. It's just fucking impossible to tell what's going to happen the next day, the next week, the next year. But what really helped me to move was anger. Not a hurt self-hatred kind of anger, not a toddler tantrum kind of anger, not a misplaced hatred, but a charged response to the circumstances that's directed towards my own betterment. "How dare that arse play an instrument better than me? I'll dedicate days to get better, practice and then I'll show 'er!" . I don't know how to get into this pool of energy every time I need it. But that's what gets me into the driving mode. Good anger 8D

The only thing that remains a mystery to me is feeling shame during various social situations. I'm still very afraid of confidence and people that are extremely guarded and firm in what they believe. I don't know how to win arguments and how to not be infuriated by people not agreeing with me or disliking things that I love. Yeah, it's almost like the world doesn't revolve around me but my psyche is still on toddler level in this case. When I'm on my own it's absolutely fine, but when it's with people... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I swiftly devolve into a specific shape of immature and it doesn't ever get easier. Fuck socialising, man. If the world were to be run by machines, it would be better. Just... Let me not interact with living breathing humans when it comes to a doctor's visit or when I need to apply for a job or when I fucking want to go somewhere. I don't feel panicked during these moments, but man would it be easier if there would be just about 10000 people on earth and we all communicated through reblogs, lol.

That's it, I better stop right there otherwise it's a good chance I'll get back to the whining toddler state.

[genshin-no-simp]

Diluc x Reader - Birthday Boy (Smut)

Pairing: Diluc x You/Reader (Female)

Sexual conent below the cut

Warnings: semi-public sex, tummy bulge? fluff ending.

---------------

It took a weeks worth of preparation on your part to get everything in place, all for this one day. This one special day. But it was worth it.

After all, Diluc did deserve rest on his birthday.

You made sure there was nothing that needed doing, nothing that warranted Diluc to leave the comfort of the Manor. You were exhausted but you knew this was only a fraction of the work that Diluc did. It was your motivation to make sure everything was in order, of course with the help of Elzer and Adelinde.

And when the night before his birthday approached, you reassured him that he could take this chance to sleep in for once. Diluc wasn't against the idea but he wasn't sure if his body clock would allow him to sleep in. But little did he know, he was exhausted and only once he hit this pillows did he realize this.

When Diluc had finally woken, he groaned softly bringing his hand up as he ran his fingers through his unruly morning hair, that's when he noticed you weren't beside him. In an instant he shot out of bed, looking around. You never got out of bed before him. About to leave the bed himself his door opened and your figure came into view. You were still in your night dress. Diluc sighed in relief, then raised his eyebrow at the tray.

"What's this?" His voice low and husky since he had just woken up.

You weren't going to lie, his voice was enough to set a fire burning inside you. But today was about him. You smiled with a giggle.

"What does it look like? Breakfast of course. So sit back in bed." You came to his side of the bed.

From this close up Diluc could see properly just how little your night dress left to the imagination. Then he realized, you went to the kitchen like that, and he frowned, anyone could have seen you, which seemed to pissed him off.

"Don't worry I had the kitchen to myself, only Adelinde, Moco and Hillie are here at the moment." You knew what was running through his head. Diluc had a tendency to get overly possessive sometimes. But it's one of his faults that you fell in love with regardless.

Diluc looked away, half embarrassed and half ashamed that you knew without a doubt that he didn't want other people, especially men to see you like this. You gave another soft giggle setting the bed table down.

Diluc cleared his throat and looked at you, "what's the occasion?" He then lowered his gaze to the food and didn't know where to start, everything looked so enticing. He smiled at the eggs that you put a little extra effort in to make look like hearts.

You sat on the opposite side of him careful not to knock the glasses of grape juice over on the tray. You gave a little hum.

"Well what day is it?" You asked him instead. Diluc tilted his head, pulling the fork from his mouth. Once he was finished chewing he spoke.

"Friday." He stated matter of factly.

"Yes, but what date is it?" You cocked your head to the side, watching him. He totally forgot about his birthday didn't he? You thought to yourself.

"Um..." Diluc didn't know why but he felt pressured, as if you would give out to him, if he got this wrong.

Was it your birthday? No that's not till a few months.

Was it your anniversary? No that just passed.

At this point you were struggling to keep your laughter in.

"Luc, come on. It's your birthday." You rolled your eyes laughing.

Then it clicked, it suddenly made sense, from why you told him to sleep in, to breakfast in bed.

"That's it?" He asked, indifferently.

"What do you mean 'that's it's? You only get one birthday, and I'm going to make sure you get the most out of it." Diluc could hardly deny you, not with how passionate you were about it. But it's just another day, birthday or not.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but there's still work-"

"I do believe there is nothing for you to do today. Everything is already taken care of. It's you day." This time you were much more calmer as you smiled sweetly at him.

Now he definitely couldn't say no. He had a feeling you did a lot to get him this day of peace. Besides it's been so long since he's actually celebrated his birthday. Not that he cared to remember it considering what happened all those years ago...but maybe now is the time to move on from that, it's getting real tiring anyway.

Diluc smiled at you, yes from now on he will celebrate his birthday with you.

Diluc had to admit, it was nice, having all this free  time AND getting to spend it with you. The two of you spent most your time outside, walking through the vineyard and occasionally eating a grape or two, at one point you started playing hide and seek. Instead of finding it childish, Diluc found it oddly refreshing. Just being able to let loose for once.

Currently he was hiding, making sure to keep his eye out for you and staying on the move, it was cheating of course but it added to the fun, but you were an expert at hide and seek and knew all the tricks in the book. Just as he turned around, you seemingly popped out of nowhere.

"Found yooou~" you giggled tackling him into a hug.

Caught of by both your sudden appearance and the hug he fell backwards onto the ground.

"Thought you could escape me huh?" You nuzzled into his neck.

Diluc chuckled holding you close to his body.

"I thought I would've had a better chance than that." He admitted.

You sat up on his chest, while he propped himself up his elbows. The light from the sun creeped through the cracks of the vineyards many grape pergolas. It wasn't the most private of places but nobody would notice the two of you unless they looked.

Cupping Diluc's cheek, you leaned down to kiss him, which without hesitation he accepted. It was a delicate kiss, both of you could feel the love and affection that you held for each other. It was truly something.

When you went to pull away from the kiss, Diluc pulled you back for more, shifting his weight onto his left arm, his right arm snaked around your waist his hand pressing agaisnt the middle of your back, giving you no chance to move. Diluc wasn't done with you just yet.

Gripping his shoulders you pushed him back down onto his back, Diluc gave a mental sigh finally able to take the pressure off his left arm. Now he had both his around wrapped around you securely. He made you feel so safe, you never wanted to leave his arms but lucky for you, he wasn't going to let go anytime soon.

It wasn't long before his hands started to wander, touching and caressing your body. Soft gasps and pants escaped from you, Diluc used every opportunity to dive into your mouth. The intensity of the kiss was making you lightheaded, but in a good way. Your body burned and your heart was racing. You could tell Diluc was the same, you could feel his heart pounding against his chest right under your hand, not only that but at how brazenly he lifted your pale mint dress up to touch your bare skin. It made you shudder, Diluc had opted to be gloveless today, it was certainly a change in pace compared to his usual leather. Being able to feel his skin on yours right away was making you feel impatient.

Finally allowed to pull away from the kiss, a string of saliva followed. Diluc gazed at you with hooded eyes, his normally bright ruby eyes, dark and heavy with lust. You licked your lips, sitting up on him once again. One of the straps on your dress slipped down your shoulder. Diluc held back his growl and his urge to flip you over. You weren't even trying to seduce him and he was already under your spell.

Gripping your thighs he pushed you lower down until your clothed womanhood rubbed against the bulge in his pants. You failed to catch the moan before it fell from your lips. Diluc smirked, knowing you were just as excited as he was right now.

Diluc was planning on teasing you some more before you had decided to take back some control. Abruptly you grinded yourself against him, biting your lip. It was Diluc's turn to let out a surprised moan as his hips bucked up into yours.

"Ah~ Diluc." You fumbled for his belt buckle. If Diluc wasn't as impatient he would've chuckled and teased you. Maybe it was the sun, maybe it was the free time or maybe it was just you. But he wasn't complaining. Diluc hissed in relief, feeling his member finally free of its painful confinement.

You were going to lower yourself further but he grabbed your arm pulling you into a kiss.

"No time for that." He breathed heavily between kisses. Of course there was time he just wasn't interested in that right now, he just wanted you, in which case he used his Vision to burn the sides of your underwear and discard the rest.

Now with your underwear out the way, Diluc could feel how wet you really were. It was cute how excited you had gotten without any foreplay, perhaps the fact that you were technically out in the open played a part but regardless, he was happy that it was him who made you feel like this.

You moaned against the kiss feeling the tip of his member push against your awaiting hole. Breaking away from the kiss you pushed down against him, taking him all in at once.

"Fuck!" It was so strange hearing Diluc swear but it filled you with a strange sense of pride knowing you were able to break his nobility.

The stretch of taking him all at once burned but it felt good. It was certainly much greater compared to when he would prepare you first. But you weren't complaining at all. Tilting your head back with a moan you began to bounce up and down, your slick made it easy to slide up and down. You gripped the front of Diluc's shirt for support as he snapped his hips up into yours. A series of wanton moans escaped your lips, the harder and faster Diluc went.

Your head fell forward your eyes glossy and your pupils blown wide with pleasure. Now both your dress straps had slid down your shoulders, making Diluc lose his mind. He gripped your hips so tight, there wasn't a doubt that there would be fingerprints even through the dress. You choked on your moans as you swore you could feel Diluc in your stomach. He was reaching places you never thought possible, or your were so drunk on pleasure it just felt that way, but it didn't matter what was the truth, it was fantastic.

"Ngh, haA~ mm close..." you struggled to get the words out.

Diluc grunted thrusting upwards even faster, you had struggled to keep up before but now it was just impossible. It wasn't long before you came all over him. Diluc wasn't too far behind, feeling your release edged him into his, you felt his hot seed fill you up more than your already were, you threw your head back with a shameless moan of his name. You were certain everyone around and in the Manor had heard you. But Diluc didn't care, let them know who was and had made you feel good.

You panted heavily as your body shook from the after math of your orgasm. Diluc too was desperately gasping for air as he came down from his high. Letting a soft puff of air, you looked down at Diluc and grinned leaning in to kiss him. He chuckled kissing you back.

Getting off Diluc he fixed his pants as you picked up what was left of your underwear.

"Luc." You pouted, "you ruined my panties." You huffed and rubbed your legs together, you could feel some of his cum dripped down your thigh.

"My love, they were ruined before I even touched them." He winked with a cocky smirk.

Your face flushed a deep crimson as you looked away from him, Diluc smiled wrapping his arm around your waist tenderly.

"Come on, let's go take a bath." He smiled gently, ushering you back towards the Manor. You snuggled into his side contently.

During the short trip back inside, not one of the employees dared to look in your direction. Instead of it making you feel better you felt embarrassed. You weren't surprised that they heard you but they didn't have to make it so obvious.

"Luc, nobody would look at me." You sounded more mortified than you intended as you pulled your dress off, which only added to Diluc's amusement.

"Good, they shouldn't be looking at you in the first place." He stated stripping himself of his own clothes.

Upon returning to Diluc's private quarters, you were both pleasantly surprised by the already drawn bath, with scattered rose petals and scented candles. It seems Adelinde knew exactly what the two of you needed. You were the first to settle into the bath despite Diluc's confusion, usually he got in first so you could rest against him, it felt weird that he was resting against you.

"Are you sure I'm not too heavy against you?" It was the fourth time he asked now.

"Oh for Celestia's sake Luc, I'm not made out of glass, I'm fine. But you won't be if you keep asking." At least you gave him a warning which he took to heart, despite not having a Vision yourself, you were very capable of looking after yourself.

"Alright, alright." Diluc sunk a little lower into the tub, his head now resting between your boobs.

"Oh." He said softly, he hadn't expected this to be so comfortable. You giggled softly.

"Someone looks content." There was a lot of fondness in your voice that made Diluc's chest flutter. He let out a soft hum and closed his eyes when he felt your fingers massage some herbal shampoo into his scalp.

Diluc couldn't help but think about how lucky he was to have someone like you. Someone so caring and aware of his needs. He didn't expect to meet someone like you, or anyone in general for that matter. He thought he was going to be alone, forever, and he was okay with that. Until he had met you, he didn't at the time realize just how important you would be to him, but he knows now and he's incredibly grateful towards you and towards himself, for letting him step out of his comfort zone and let someone in again.

Before he knew it, Diluc had fallen asleep, between the soothing heat of the water, your massaging and the sweet sound of your voice, they had all lulled him into sleep.

"Luc? You listening?" You asked softly, "Luuuc~" you cooed. Perplexed with his quietness, you tilted your head to the side to peer into his face, where you noticed he had fallen asleep. You grinned with a giggle.

You were so preoccupied with talking, you didn't notice the change in his breathing, as it steadied out. But now you didn't know what to do. You knew you couldn't stay in the bath but you didn't want to wake him either. But you also knew the water wouldn't go cold anytime soon thanks to Diluc, placing a kiss to his damp hair, you decided to let him sleep for a little while longer. After all he deserved it.