#it could be worth introspecting on if maybe it sounds so weird because You dont experience those things

[crittertalez]

crushes are very much something at least most allo people feel. im aromantic but many of my allo friends can confirm that yes they feel crushes in that they feel an actual Draw to someone, and that draw makes them want to date the other person because said person makes them feel good to be around and for those that are allo both romantically and sexually often their crushes being physically attractive is also a component.

some aro people may feel "squishes" instead (a want to be someones friend and to be platonically closer), they may instead feel crushes for other forms of attraction such as queerplatonic where they feel that their wish to be with someone isnt romantic but rather someone else, they may be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum where they do experience crushes but very rarely or only under certain circumstances (such as demiromantic where you Need to have been friends with someone for a while and cant get crushes on people you dont know well). or they just dont feel any draw to others at all!

it is a pretty common experience to think that things in media like crushing on people youve just met or dont even know or "butterflies in your stomach" or suddenly acting stupid and flustered around a crush or even getting crushes at all is just metaphor and people dont actually act like that or feel those ways but ive been taught time and time again that people Do in fact experience romantic attraction like this.

ultimately though "romantic attraction" and "crushes" and "love" and what have you are just words that people put to the emotions they feel. its just that for some people like many in the aromantic community they just dont feel like they experience these things, just as many in the asexual community just dont feel like they experience sexual attraction.

its.. not exactly how most people in the world feel, though. so no its not really "normal" to not get crushes or to feel like youd be perfectly fine never dating anyone (many allo people, not all but many, actively hate the idea of being single forever because they feel like they need romance to feel fulfilled and friends or sexual partners just dont cut it) and thats why the aromantic community exists. we're just a bunch of people who in a variety of ways feel disconnected from romance and the feelings that come with that

I gotta be honest that the one identity I still struggle to wrap my head around is aromantic. If I don't understand something that's important to other people I just accept that they know themselves best, as one does if they're not a raging asshole, but I'd rather also be able to understand what they mean

[painted-crow]

What does having a system feel like for a Bird primary? How do you build that system? Can you build it subconsciously or is it something you have to solidify and be like, "yes, this is what I believe" I'm pretty sure I'm not one, but not sure. I like thinking about and rationalizing my feelings or why I reacted certain ways, but I dont think I have a system? Also it sounds very interesting to hear about from someone who actually is one.

It's not exactly subconscious, but you don't do it all at once either. Like, you don't go "okay, I've finished everything else on my to do list, so now it's time to stare out the window at the rain and Figure It All Out."

(I mean... okay. There is probably at least one Bird who actually does exactly that thing I just said. We're weird.)

Most of us just have this drive to question things for truth and make sure that the things we believe are consistent, so we check new ideas as they come in. Someone says something, or we read something, and we automatically check it for validity. It's like our primary is constantly nerd sniping us.

Eventually you end up with a collection of things that are demonstrably true, patterns you've noticed, observations about human nature, and Stuff That Makes Sense, among other categories I just made up.

Testing stuff as it comes in is important, because we mostly make our decisions based on information, and that information has to be valid for our decisions to be valid. Garbage in = garbage out. If you don't filter out stuff as you find it, then your mental repository of information is going to be a confused jumble of ideas you can't verify, and you can't remember if the sources are reliable or not. (Of course, this is a form of preparation ahead of time, and might just be my Bird secondary sneaking in to say hi.)

Or maybe that's just me and my weird selective memory. I'm one of those people who, if you throw out some kind of random, semi-rhetorical question in my presence-- "how much does a human head weigh, usually?"--I'll probably have an answer but I may or may not know how I know. Or I might just be unwilling to divulge how I know. But we're getting off topic. (10-11 pounds.)

This drive to evaluate everything for truth had a weird side effect on me. I don't know when I realized that I could just... not have opinions about things that are irrelevant or minor to me, that it's okay to not care about everything, but it was as an adult.

The thing is, any opinion I hold has to be reasonably well thought out, otherwise it feels very irresponsible. But that takes a lot of mental energy and it's not always worth it. If I have to actually make some kind of decision involving that issue, I've decided that sometimes it's okay to ask someone I trust, or just go with my gut. I think this is just an extension of growing up and finding out that "I don't know" is a valid answer.

Anyway, Birds build our system by making much smaller decisions about little things, and then, because we have a very strong habit of self-examination and meta-analysis, we end up putting together patterns about the things we believe. (For that part, you can stare out a window at the rain, but I suspect it's more often done in the shower or while zoned out on the toilet.) This is probably why we have a reputation as philosophers.

Changes to the system happen when new information comes in and it seems valid, and we check it against old information and actually the old thing doesn't have very strong supporting arguments like the new thing does, so maybe we spend a few minutes or hours or days kinda testing the ideas and seeing if the new thing really does check out better, and if so then what does that mean for any other beliefs that held the old one as a dependency? Do they still work with the new one, or do they also have a more sensible replacement that comes logically from the new information?

That's kind of a standard description, and it's accurate, but here's the problem with it: non-Birds have this tendency to assume that "belief" refers to something major, like... your entire religion. Usually it's something way dumber, like "should honey be considered vegan? like, is producing it bad for the bees or the ecosystem?" (ps: in this scenario you're not even vegan) and it's resolved by a deep dive on Google in the middle of the night, during which time you discover that some apiaries prefer to keep local wild bee species because they're a) surprisingly chill and b) free, because you can just go out and catch them. They'll set up shop in bee boxes voluntarily (like birds in birdhouses), or if you know someone who has honeybees in their yard/walls/floor and doesn't want them there, you can go over there with a modified shop vac and just... vacuum... the bees.

someone: bird primaries are such deep thinkers. so philosophical. so open-minded. truly intellectual

actual bird primaries: there are people in this world who vacuum bees

(Also, hello again to my extremely loud Bird secondary.)

All of which is to say, anon, that if you're thinking that you have to have some kind of ~theory of the universe~ to be a Bird primary... not really. You need to care about truth and consistency, and use what you know about the world to make decisions about the right thing to do.

Also, you don't have to be a Bird primary to be introspective, anon. Nobody's giving out copyright strikes for being a different primary and also thinking about your feelings sometimes. 😉

[roughentumble]

I would like to hear.. your silence of the lambs series opinions......

series as in, the new clarice tv show that's out? haven't watched it yet. series as in, those old movies that feature anthony hopkins as hannibal lecter? surely!

fair warning, i probably dont have anything new to say that hasnt been said before, considering these are all long since classics, and my thoughts might be a little disjointed.

it's difficult to sum up opinions about it on the whole, since the movie quality honestly varies so wildly, and as i recall basically every single movie had a different director lol. also like, there's definitely a reason silence of the lambs stood out as The hannibal movie that got talked about and went into The Annals Of Film History n' all that. there's something about jodie foster's performance that's particularly electric(though that could be nostalgia talking, i suppose)

the opportunities she had, as an actress, to really show emotion on her face, like the claustrophobic close-ups we got were really intimate and interesting, added to the sense we were getting into her head. that HANNIBAL was getting into her head. i've already used the word intimate, but really, the long drawn out conversations/monologues between her and hannibal are just that-- intimate. you have to have stellar performances to pull off that much dialogue, and shots that intensely focused, where a face takes up so much of the screen. but it works! because hopkins and foster are fantastic actors, and jonathen demme is a good director.

there's a reason a lot of people didn't like the switch to julianne moore, and i would say it isnt entirely moore's fault. ridley scott, for one, is simply a different director with different ideas of shot composition, which changes how the character feels pretty drastically when the style so heavily informed your feelings for her. but also, in general, the film just kind of approaches clarice from a different angle, which is pretty bumpy territory to go into on the tail of switching your lead actress. not only is moore just really different from foster, but we've gone from this kind of invasive intimacy with hannibal probing her in confined spaces, to her being on the chase. in particular what sticks out to me is a chase sequence where she's trying to find hannibal in a crowded mall.(i think it was a mall?? its been a minute since i last watched the film haha) despite how the crowd might lead to a sense of claustrophobia, these are wide open shots with lots of spinning and movement, no time for introspective face journies. it's a chase in a totally different sense than before, and that i think is major difference in tone. which isn't to say it's a bad choice, or a loss, or that it's worse, just that it's fundamentally very different material that moore was given fo work with. of course her performance differed from fosters!

i still think jodie foster did it better, but some folks were too hard on julianne moore. if anything, hold beef with the writers and new director for pivoting tonally(although, dont do that either, i think it was an interesting shift. the scene with her and hannibal, where hannibal fries up that dude's brain was SO GOOD, i loved loved loved the return to a twisted sense of intimacy for that scene, and a few others, and that sense of return wouldn't have hit the same were the whole movie to follow the same tone as demme's work.)

also quick sidebar, when i watched hannibal(the movie from 2001) i was BLOWN AWAY by realizing, in retrospect, just how absolutely perfectly micheal pitt nailed the role of mason verger in hannibal(the tv show). vocally, he sounded almost identicle to the og performance, WHAT!!! major props, i love micheal pitt. so cool

manhunter 1987 or whatever year it came out is garbage and we dont talk about it. it was physically painful to watch. my poor mother made us stop watching hannibal movies for the rest of the day because it literally put her in physical pain. it's so 80s i want to vomit. do not recommend.

red dragon was pretty good, and if you entered the series of films armed only with knowledge of hannibal nbc, gave some really fascinating context to some of the events therein. edward norton's performance was fine-- didn't blow my mind, but i do love to watch him on screen. anthony hopkins' portrayal of a free hannibal, on the run, who still can't help but taunt the police and stick his nose into investigations was shockingly compelling, despite how much of a cliche trope that's become in recent years. can't say i recall anything interesting to say about the directing, but it certainly doesnt hold the same intimacy of the previous films-- but then again, we've lost the intimate character of clarice, swapping her out for graham(who simply isnt as close, or interesting, or compelling, when he isnt on nbc and shaking like a wet chihuahua)

hannibal rising, the last film in the series, was very very very bad. BUT, unlike manhunter 198whatever, it managed to be fun about it! lots of very goofy deaths and things to make you roll your eyes, stupid character motivations and odd acting choices. but it seems aware, on some level, that it's the last and the silliest of the entries into this particular film series, which earns it some good will. whether or not its worth a watch comes down to how much you're willing to consume everything with the name hannibal on it, and whether you can abide by a hannibal that isnt played by sir anthony hopkins.

OK. ok. we're getting to the end of my thoughts here, kids. i prommy.

it's also, despite every single part of it that i enjoy and that brings me joy, almost unforgivably racist and transphobic. the weird exotification and obsession with asia(and japan in particular), especially when none of those elements felt important or relevant to the story was consistently shocking, and consistently present in essentially every single hannibal movie, ESPECIALLY ones that dealt with his childhood. it didn't ever feel like a natural part of the story, where they happened include people from another culture or anything, it felt like the author's fetish. i never truly understood how these reoccuring themes and symbols were meant to tie in with the rest of the story, even after an entire film set in the past, showiing hannibal's childhood and how he came to live with a japanese woman. it was weird! it was uncomfortable! it was bad! even hannibal nbc couldnt make it not weird. i'd love a hannibal movie with a japanese person in it who WASNT treated really, really, really weird. but i dont think i will ever get that.

and like. wrt transphobia-- do i even need to say it? buffalo bill's been talked to death. we all know the issue there.

if a japanese person, or a trans woman, came to me and said "shawn, everyone says its a classic, but i cant bring myself to watch [insert hannibal movie here]" i would not blame them. it isnt the whole movie, but its enough to feel real bad, scoob.

its not enough to make me fall out of love with silence of the lambs, or hate hannibal(the film, god thats a confusing name), or even hate the film series, but its something that deserves tl be talked about. i've heard lots of discussion on the transphobia, but basically none on the racism, which is a real shame. sometimes it feels like no one else even noticed it, and it really leaves me floundering, because its like-- its RIGHT THERE and its so weird and bad. thomas harris, what the fuck

OKAY I THINK THATS ALL MY THOUGHTS FOR NOW?????? i could maybe come up with more, *shrugs*, but i'd need more time at least.

summary:: very problematic, and not because he eats people. but overall some of the films are fantastic, and silence of the lambs does hold a special place in my heart. and even if i didnt like it nearly as much, i'll defend hannibal(the film with julianne moore) till im blue in the face, because even if it didnt quite capture lightening in a bottle it still brought some interesting things to the table. decent enough movie series with enough variation in film tone and quality to make watching them all in a row enjoyable, because it keeps things from getting stale. (could probably have done with SOME consistency tho, lol, they were really flying by the seat of their pants. they had hopkins and that was IT, only thing that carried over from production to production lol)

[dustyhaulier]

some thoughts on utena: i feel the need to try and ‘solve’ the symbolism in stories. many anime shove it in your face. this anime occasionally puts giant flashing arrows on the screen and im still lost (increasing cats? that guy in the crowd? wha). not in a bad way--its extremely entertaining. its beautiful and weird and continues to surprise me, despite having known about it peripherally for years. but, and i dont know if ive been ruined by the simplicity of sports anime, i find it hard to follow the characters motivations. theyre so steeped in metaphors that i sometimes start to lose the sense of them as people. it helps to remember that they’re all extremely dramatic teenagers.

some thoughts on march comes in like a lion: so beautiful. the sets are rich and stunning. the food makes me hungry, the lighting makes me warm and cold, the pets make me nostalgic. the shogi unfortunately does not make me give a shit about shogi. its a very slow anime, and more than once ive been impressed by the way the MC’s voice actor can pull off with subtlety and intelligence those introspective lines that could easily sound like meaningless cheese. 

im waiting to see if in season 2 the story will give a bit more of an inner life to the female characters who often seem to exist simply to cook for and cheer up the MC--their issues are mentioned, but they’re at the same time still so honest and open and genuine with him... they are so genuinely happy and content with being the epitome of feminine hospitality... that i find it hard to see them as real. that may be a little cynical. (the littlest girl in particular is so amazingly cute, but then again i find the dirty pests from barakamon to be way more authentic.)

i dont like that the MC’s struggle is framed as giving in to the warmth of others--it's not a choice between mooching off others or being alone in the cold. you can make your own home a kotatsu. you can do the work to make an attractive place for others go come and stay. i know mc has been through the kind of emotional abuse that makes him feel like he's not worth ‘furniture’ in the first place. but i cant really celebrate his baby steps when the sisters who take care of him--they just assume it's their job to keep a nice warm house, cook good food, take care of the younger ones, despite what they’ve been through. they cant afford to drop the ball and sit in the dark eating cup ramen. why? because they are women? 

some thoughts on yuuri on ice: i enjoyed this a lot, as something sparkly and pretty and that did not break my heart. it didnt really have a huge impact on me, maybe because i still have more in common with the high schoolers still finding their way than i do with pros at the end of their run. 

but, i think it also had a lot to do with the way the romance was handled. or... not handled? i think in these cases i nearly prefer a straight-up yaoi, because at least then they don’t filter the progression of the romance through sports metaphors and double-meanings the entire time. i couldn’t get on board until they showed that victor had absolutely no agenda--which they didn’t do until very late (though i will admit... that was amazing), which meant my sense of investment in the romance was on hold for most of the series. 

i also fear i had issues getting on board with this anime bc even with the coach relationship this solo sports thing just doesnt fill my sappy teamwork quota. this wasnt helped in that i felt that the side characters werent done to the degree i have come to expect from sports anime--it takes a lot of groundwork to make me actually conflicted over who im rooting for to win in the end, and yoi didnt get to that point for me. but i guess theres only so much you can do with 12 eps, and i definitely enjoyed it.

some thoughts on shokugeki no souma: i quit this show bc of awfulness but was urged to keep going. i still hate the MC. theres less nasty sexual harassment past the pilot (pilots are always more fanbaity anyway) but it takes a very long time for MC to be anything more than ‘boring fake-underdog genius who gets to show up all the silver spoon elites over and over’. however, there are some pretty good side characters that saved the show enough to make me not drop it a second time. 

some thoughts on kiss him not me: it was ironic watching this wholehearted unabashed celebration of straight fujoshi alongside the tumblr drama surrounding yuuri on ice. ive talked to friends about yuuri on ice and they were really confused when i brought up ‘representation’. if thats a conversation happening in japanese fandom, its not happening very loudly. in any case, this anime was not good. all the worst tropes of both yaoi and shojo together into one ‘sexual harassment is funny when its gay’ student teacher. the premise itself is based on nasty fatphobia and fetishisising gay men (not that thats the hill ill ever die on), AND YET i watched the whole thing. theres a lesbian millionaire doujinshi artist, ok?

some thoughts on cheer danshi: i watched this because i got the gay sports bug from yuuri on ice and i had heard it was similar. it had more of the team building that i like from sports anime, but it was way too insecure in its own masculinity. constantly reminding me that it’s not gay! it likes women! i understand the need to break down the barrier for men to enjoy feminine things regardless of sexual orientation, but at the same time, this show was made for fujoshi to cream over so it wouldnt be reaching that audience anyway. in the end i dont rec this for the sports or for the gay.

some thoughts on natsume yuujinchou: i wish i liked this better than i did. plus: by the end of each episode i ended up with very nicely done nails

some thoughts on haikyuu season 3: this entire season was one match, so on the one hand i sorely missed the team shennanigans and training montages from other seasons. on the other hand, my boy tsukki got his time to shine, and it was everything id hoped and dreamed. regret: creepy clown guy should have been worse, so much wasted potential