#it changed everything some good some bad. jimmy's going through a part of his healing where he kind of wishes it was still happening

[thetomorrowshow]

scars

empires superpowers au masterlist (not up to date)

i have no clue where this idea came from but here *hands you a tattooed jimmy*

this takes place about 8 months after then end of ‘poisoned rats’.

cw: past abuse, mentions of needles, scars

~

“Look at that one,” Jimmy points at the screen; Scott pauses in his scrolling. “It’s a poppy. You love poppies.”

“. . . I do,” Scott says, glancing at Jimmy quickly before resuming the scroll.

“That one’s a flag, but it could be a pride flag. That’s why I saved it. The birds are a bit cheesy, but I thought I’d include them anyway.”

Scott doesn’t say anything, just keeps scrolling through the document. He knew Jimmy had been researching something, but . . . he hadn’t been expecting this.

Before him, on Jimmy’s laptop, is a three-page document that is a collage of tattoos.

Some are better than others—there’s a celtic knot that looks pretty bad, and Jimmy’s right about the birds being cheesy, but the poppy is understated and delicate, and a cute cartoon cat makes him smile.

That’s all well and good, but the problem is: Scott has no clue why Jimmy is showing him tattoos.

Jimmy points at a bundle of stars, saying something about how it reminded him of Scott, then at a feather, then a ladder, which he explains could be combined with the stars. He quickly passes over an abstract canary, hands twitching and tripping over his words, to point out an intricate subway car, then a tiny soccer ball.

Scott interrupts right as Jimmy starts to explain an iceberg tattoo.

“Jimmy, I—this is great, but I don’t think I understand. Are you wanting me to get a tattoo?”

Jimmy blinks, laughs nervously. “I—Scott, these are—these are cover-ups. For scars.”

Oh.

Suddenly, there’s a lump in Scott’s throat.

“I—a tattoo is a big decision,” Scott manages to say around the lump, his eyes catching on a long scar down Jimmy’s left bicep. “It’s something you can’t change. Are you sure?”

Jimmy levels an exasperated look at him. “For one thing, I’m an adult. I know it’s a big decision, you don’t have to remind me. And I promise I’ve thought about this. I shouldn’t have to tell you that I have.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Scott starts to amend, but Jimmy forges on.

“It’s my body,” he says. “It’s mine, and I can have the freedom to do what I want with it, because I’m an adult and it belongs to me. And when you—when you asked if I was sure, it felt like you were treating me like a kid, or like I don’t own my body. And it felt bad.”

Shame curls in his stomach. Jimmy’s right, he shouldn’t have responded like that. It’s perfectly normal for people to get tattoos, and for their partners to support them in it. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again. “I didn’t think before speaking. I said something my parents would’ve said, and I should have considered what you just told me.”

Jimmy smiles, leans his head against Scott’s shoulder. “It’s fine. I was showing you because I wanted your opinion, and it’s all right if you don’t like the idea of a tattoo. But I would’ve liked for you to say that outright if that’s true, instead of telling me things I already knew.”

“No, I think it’s a great idea,” Scott hurries to amend. He pauses, taking a moment to get his thoughts in order. They’re working on having more open conversations, so that they don’t have repeat events of Scott’s Nightmare Situation of Last Month, as they’ve dubbed it. “I think a lot of tattoos are good,” he says eventually, “but some suck. So I’m happy you’re asking my opinion, because I don’t know if I’d be able to look my boyfriend in the eyes if he got a skull surrounded in roses on his bicep.”

That gets a laugh out of Jimmy. “Don’t think yours is the only opinion I’m getting,” he teases. “I know better than to trust a man who dyed his hair red all through college.”

“It looked good!”

They look at tattoos for a little while, Scott immediately vetoing the trio of birds and a guitar. Together, they separate the pages into ‘no’ ‘maybe’ and ‘yes’ images, dragging the little Darth Vader holding a lightsaber (a scar being the lightsaber) into ‘maybe’ and the celtic knot into ‘no’ and so on, until about half of the tattoos have been sorted.

And if they get distracted halfway through and end up making out right there on the couch? Well, they can always finish it later.

-

Three weeks later, Jimmy exits the tattoo parlor with the long, thin scar on his left bicep covered by a poppy, red and irritated from the procedure. Scott had been with him the whole time, holding his hand. They’d had to call for a break halfway through, but it had overall gone very well, and Jimmy had gotten into the passenger seat with a huge grin on his face.

“I thought I would be scared of the needle, but it wasn’t even that bad!” Jimmy says excitedly, twisting his arm around to check out the plastic-wrapped tattoo. “Did you hear when she said I was really good at staying still, especially for my first time? I’m going to get a good grade in tattoos, which is both normal to want and possible to achieve.”

Scott laughs out loud at the meme reference, resolving not to think about why it is that Jimmy’s so good at not moving while needles are stuck into him.

“Do you like it?” Scott asks instead, adjusting the rearview mirror before shifting the car into gear.

Jimmy doesn’t answer for a long moment. When Scott glances over at him, he’s let his arm fall, staring straight ahead, chewing thoughtfully on his lip.

“Yeah,” he decides eventually. “I really do. Now when I look at it in the mirror, I can be reminded of you instead of them. And . . . I can make choices with my body. That feels really good.”

“I can imagine.”

Jimmy twists his arm around again, peering at what little of the tattoo can be seen through the plastic. “I like it,” he says, quieter. “Do you like it?”

“It was my top choice, Jimmy,” Scott reminds him. “And it looks cute on you. Much better than that fish would.”

Jimmy snorts. “You know what, since it was Lizzie’s idea, I’ll tell her I’ll only get it if she gets it too.”

“Please—if you get fish, get a different one,” begs Scott. “It was huge, it had that horrible ‘gone fishing’ sign—get something cute, not something that screams fifty-year-old midlife crisis.”

That gets a laugh out of his boyfriend, and a little tension that had been in Scott’s body since before the appointment finally dissipates, allowing his shoulders to ease and his fingers to loosen their grip on the wheel.

“I’ve been watching videos on word cover-ups, so I think I might get one of those,” Jimmy says when they’re almost home. “I’m . . . I think it would help, even though I can still trace the letters. But I’d like to try scar treatment first, so I don’t think I’m gonna get another tattoo any time soon.”

“And here I was thinking my boyfriend was about to get all inked up and awesome,” Scott teases.

“And something for words would have to be really big, and there’s not much I want that’s good for that,” Jimmy continues. He glances at Scott quickly, then turns his gaze out the window. “That’s life, I guess.”

Scott thinks that’s the end of the conversation. He’s happy leaving it there, with vague plans and ideas in mind to experiment with.

But later that evening, at home, as Jimmy washes dishes and Scott dries them, Jimmy blurts out, “Would I be wrong for wanting a canary tattoo?”

Scott pauses. “Um. No?”

Jimmy sighs. “See, it’s the only one that I think I would want that’s big enough and colorful enough to cover any words. But I don’t know that I could be okay with having it cover up one of those words, because of . . . connotations. But also. . . .” he sighs again, sets down his dishcloth.

“Scott, being the Canary was the only freedom I had, as awful as it was,” Jimmy explains, and it’s a credit to how far he’s come that Jimmy’s voice doesn’t even shake. “I didn’t love it, but I could go outside. I could literally fly. And I looked pretty cool, honestly. So if I got another tattoo, I think it would be a canary, but . . . I’m afraid that’ll cause more harm than good, with my mental health and all.”

“I . . . don’t know,” Scott says honestly, sliding a plate into place in the cupboard. “I’m not in your head. And it’s not my body. But you don’t have to decide today. You don’t have to decide any time soon. You can talk about it with other people, and with Nora. And we can start looking into scar treatment, if you think you’re ready for that.”

Jimmy picks up the cloth again, runs it under the water. “I don’t know,” he says eventually, voice unreadable. His face has set back into that guarded look, the one that Scott is now so familiar with. “Maybe.”

Whatever Jimmy’s unspoken other concerns are (and Scott knows that they exist, he can tell in the tenseness of his stance), Jimmy abandons that topic of conversation. He doesn’t bring up tattoos again for weeks.

But every so often, Scott catches him admiring the poppy, and he can’t help but feel a bubble of happiness.

Jimmy finally has a good reason to look in a mirror.

[whirlybirbs]

               (   another gif by @unearthlydust​ from this beautiful set !   )

✪   —   VACANT MIRRORS  ;  B.B.  |  3/?

summary: you find out about bucky’s past, he finds out about yours. 

pairing: bucky barnes / f!reader

tags: set before & during tfatws, friends to lovers, therapy positive, trauma healing techniques, ptsd mentions, the normalization of anxiety disorders, and a good ol’ slow burn

word count: 6.4k, va va voom

a/n: oh look out here comes the plot, charactization, and growth between to pals who are maybe starting to feel a little something begin to take shape. but ignore that, there’s danger afoot. no spoilers for tfatws here!

    (   PREVIOUS   |    AO3    |    MASTERLIST  |   NEXT  )

“You know I have to ask these questions. It’s part of the check-in.”

“Yeah,” you fire back, flat enough to warrant Dr. Hart’s scowl to grow. You can’t see it over the phone, but you know the way her words whip around you means she’s upset, “I know.”

“If you’re not following the action plan set out by the judge,” she begins, leaning forward as her tone drops into a scalding hot sort of seriousness on the other end, “You will go to prison. You know this. So, do you want to spend ten years of your life behind bars? Are you trying to get yourself locked up? Come on.”

You can’t look up from your computer’s screen. Or maybe you can, but right now, there’s a dangerous mixture of anger and guilt and frustration boiling under your skin.

“I’m trying.”

“Trying isn’t good enough for the GRC,” Dr. Hart snaps, “You know this. They’re giving you a chance — they know you’re talented. You have the ability here to go straight, to earn a living, to finally make up for those years of blackhat work.”

“Everything I did,” you fire back, ripping your eyes up to meet Dr. Hart’s, “Was for others. I didn’t get a fucking penny.”

“You’re not Robin Hood,” she shakes her head as her tone softens, “We all make mistakes. But, everything has a consequence. You know this. And this conversation isn’t even considering the other charges.”

“You know the extortion case would never hold up in court.”

Dr. Hart sighs raggedly. “And I don’t intend on ever seeing it play out in court, because you’re going to follow the conditions of your pardon.”

“The GRC is a bunch of fascists���”

“Enough,” she snaps, “If you want to go and appeal your case with the judge, be my guest, but I can almost guarantee you’ll be perp-walked out of that Federal courtroom in cuffs.”

She’s right.

Dr. Hart is right.

Your knee is bouncing, up and down and up and down. You’re wound up around yourself, arms crossed tight, brows knotted. With a shaky exhale, you just nod. You breathe, and you remind yourself that she’s right. She’s right, she’s right, she’s right. It’s not worth it. Dipping yourself back into that world, the layer of the web beneath the surface, isn’t worth it.

The GRC is your way out.

Just be a good little girl and do as you're told.

“So, I’m going to ask you again,” Dr. Hart begins, pen clicking alive on the other end of the phone call, “...Have you engaged in any illegal activities online in the last seven days?”

                                                       ◦   ◦   ◦   ◦   

Inessa Sidrova’s photo stares up at him from its place on the speckled marble counter, stacked neatly next to his notebook where her name is scrawled in chicken scratch — between two other names: Zemo and Henrikson.

His laptop, technically on loan from the FBI, sits beside both.

(When Barnes had agreed in that closed doors meeting to the conditions of his pardon, a certain FBI agent by the name of Jimmy Woo had been rather insistent that Barnes needed a personal computer in order to carry out his portion of the conditions insofar as tracking down the remaining HYDRA pawns in the States. Woo had also insisted, to the agreement of Dr. Raynor, that a personal computer would help better acclimate Barnes to the new world he’d been dropped into.

Woo was even nice enough to take an hour of his own time to show Bucky enough to get started — but was whisked away for some investigation out in New Jersey.)

Bucky rubs the cold vibranium of his left palm into his eye, then exhales long and slow.

He’s done all he can. And still, no leads on the woman.

Rounding the kitchen island, he digs his cell from his pocket. He goes back to staring at that text — the one he’d laughed out loud at the moment it lit up his phone — and he can feel that ol’ bite of anxiousness creep into his arms. His fingertips tingle.

On the television, a laugh track plays over a clip of The Three Stooges. Blue eyes flick upward, and he partially wishes a ladder would put him out of his own self-induced misery.

Outside, the antics of a Saturday night in Brooklyn roll on.

In the last few days he’s parsed through his thoughts enough to realize it’s not telling you that scares him — no, it’s telling you the truth. The whole truth. All of it. After all, the good comes with a lot of bad; the sort of bad you chain in a chest and sink in the ocean. And Bucky finds that, even still, the good is questionable at best. The good is… small. Microscopic. Completely and totally tainted by the fuckin’ decades of brainwashed, war dog bullshit.

He groans and drops his head back against the wall.

He tries, for the next twenty minutes, to formulate some sort of reply to your text message. But, half the battle is figuring out what to say, and the other half is actually typing it out. This whole flip phone purchase was really starting to sting like regret — and as much as Bucky loved technology back before the war, and all the magical possibilities it held, he can’t help but feel like an ornery old man now.

It’s the change. Steve was right. Too much change.

He can’t find the space button and he can’t figure out how to delete the random 3 he’d accidentally punched in — so, with a grumpy huff of disapproval, Bucky simply dials your number.

You pick up on the third ring.

“Don’t you know it’s Saturday?” your voice is a welcomed sound, “The History Channel is running a bunch of old war documentaries you might enjoy, grandpa.”

Bucky snorts, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie. “What makes you think I’d wanna watch that shit?”

“Everyone knows that old men like two things,” your voice is light, half-distracted from the sounds of it, “World War Two, or grilling. And honestly, you don’t strike me as the grilling type.”

“I like a good burger.”

“Yeah?” you snort, and Bucky can hear you shift your phone from one ear to the other, “Is that why you called? To hint at being hungry?”

“No,” he exhales, looking out the window, “No, I was trying to reply to your text but I can’t find the fuckin’ space button. Calling is easier.”

“Oh my god—”

“Shut up,” he barks with a laugh, sitting up, “Don’t even start — are you hungry?”

“Almost always, why?”

“Got any plans tonight?”

“... You do know who you’re asking, right?”

Bucky grins, a little boyish and a little tired. “Good point. Loser.”

“Oh, shut up. You’re the one calling me to hangout,” you snort, leaning to prop your feet up on your desk and lean back. Your chair wheels backwards, far enough for you to get a good look down the street. It’s a nice night, cool enough, and it seems like the whole borough is awake, “But, I’m only hanging out if you tell me what the fuck is up with court mandated therapy. I can’t wait another three days.”

Your anxiety has been pricked the last few days over it.

“... Do I get to pick the place?”

You roll your eyes. “Fine.”

“Great,” he exhales tightly, “I hope you’re in the mood for sushi.”

                                                       ◦   ◦   ◦   ◦   

Izzy’s is busy, but there’s privacy in the bustle.

Bucky had buzzed your apartment’s ringer and you’d flown down the stairs, looking… alive. The sort of alive that was new — like a fresh bud beginning to bloom in spring. It had made him grin, and he’d watched you push a tress of hair behind your ear as you decided it was warm enough for no jacket tonight. The light of the crosswalk sign lit you up like a star.

He was sweating.

Dr. Raynor was right — that was it, of course it was — that it was getting too warm for his usual outfit. So, he’d settled on the next best thing: a sweatshirt that was big enough and black enough that he could bury himself in it. His hands are tucked neatly into the pockets.

No gloves tonight.

He feels naked.

He shoulders the door and holds it open with the toe of his boot as you duck towards the back of the restaurant. There’s a booth in the back by a large bamboo plant — you weave through the place with a new found confidence. There’s anxiousness in your shoulders but it melts when you look back at Bucky. Like a watchful guard dog, he nods.

You settle into the booth, toss your jacket in the corner, and smirk.

“I get out sometimes,” Bucky remarks before you can even say anything. He shifts in the booth and reaches up to scratch his cheek with his right hand, “Not often, but I do.”

“I didn’t say anything...”

“You were going to,” he nearly smirks back, his brows raised as he adjusts the chopsticks on the table, “I know that look.”

You snort, nudging his boot under the table. That works a huffed little laugh out the man across from you. Almost immediately you can sense anxiousness rolling off him — it’s the tightness in his mouth that gives him away, the way he’s fussing with the soy sauce dish and trying to get it to line up perfectly with the marbling on the table. Worry flashes in your eyes.

“Bucky.”

He raises his head.

“You alright?” you ask quietly.

“You have to promise not to flip out.”

Your brows knot tightly — but before you can even question what the fuck he means, he’s casually dropping his other hand onto the table.

And you almost don’t notice at first. Your brain fills the gaps in, figuring it’s his glove. But, then you blink and his hand catches the light and you realize it’s not leather. It’s glittering obsidian, garnished with gold, and it’s moving. Flexing. Seams bending and warping and there’s a gentle hum coming from the appendages and you squint because he’s tapping his fingers on the table and there’s a metallic tik-tik-tik that meets your ears.

Then, your eyes jump to his face.

He looks pained.

You’re confused.

And then you’re not.

“You’re —”

You slap a hand over your own mouth. You have to promise not to flip out. Your eyes are eighty miles wide and your jaw is falling open and you’re leaning forward, whispering in a rushed tone because what the fuck.

“You’re that Bucky?!”

Oh, you feel stupid.

The hostess appears, suddenly. You snap backwards in the booth, Bucky tucks his hand away, and you both muster forced smiles to the waitress. She’s young. Pretty. Her name-tag says Sarah.

She asks about drinks.

Bucky gets a beer.

Slowly, you knock your knuckles against the table and drop your head into your hand. The look on your face is exhausted. “Do you guys have Mai Tais?”

The answer is yes. And you’re glad. Because you’re going to fucking need it.

The two of you are quiet until the drinks come — avoiding one anothers gazes for completely different reasons. Bucky is sheepish, a bit mortified, like he always is when people recognize him. It’s why he shaved his fuckin’ head. It worked well enough but… the arm was usually a dead giveaway.

Meanwhile, you’re wondering if you could shave your own head and disappear. Because there’s no easy way to explain the weird elation swirling in your chest right now.

Bucky’s first to speak. His beer is in his good hand. He inhales quickly, eyes darting to you as he leans forward and whispers incredulously. He speaks quickly and his words are pointed with an edge of curiosity.

“...What do you mean ‘that Bucky’?”

“Y’know, I knew there was a reason you acted like you needed a senior citizen discount. And you know exactly what I mean,” you rush out all while waving your Mai Tai and jabbing the side with the umbrella towards him, “Listen, this is a lot to take in, Mr. Avenger.”

“I am not an Avenger—”

“You helped reverse the Snap. You’re the Winter Soldier. That makes you an Avenger—”

Bucky’s shaking his head, eye screwed shut tightly because the sudden equation to his past self being considered a hero is like being socked in the mouth. He stutters over his words and shakes his head more vigorously, like he’s trying not to hear what you’re saying.

“I am not the Winter Soldier. Not anymore. And it’s not like I’m not on the fuckin’ roster, doll—”

You hold a finger up, stopping him there, and take a long sip of your sunset colored drink. You swallow. You exhale. Bucky swigs his beer.

“One, don’t call me doll,” you say curtly, then raise a second finger. You lean in and squint, “Two… Christ, the haircut really makes a big difference, doesn’t it?”

“That’s what everyone keeps saying,” he sighs raggedly, dismissing your scrutiny.

You puff your cheeks out and exhale. Leaning back in the booth, you try not to feel so fucking insane.

“...I can never have you over now.”

Bucky’s brows narrow quickly and his eyes snap to yours. “What?”

“I can’t have you over,” you explain slower with your eyes rooted to the soy sauce in the corner, “Because I don’t think I could ever handle you seeing my signed and framed Captain America poster from his USO tour in 1943.”

Bucky’s face is deadpan. “You’re kidding.”

“I really wish I was,” you gripe, “It’s an original.”

“...You’re a Cap girl,” he says suddenly, leaning back with this look in his eye. It’s less of a question. You can’t pin it down. It looks like he's damn near traumatized.

Bucky thinks — honestly — that this is the cherry on top. Every girl back then was a Cap girl, too. It figures, now, in this new century where he’s making new friends that… as per usual, Steve gets the cake. That fuckin’ pint sized bastard.

He’ll have to tell him about this.

You yank your eyes up to Bucky’s face. His mortification is shifting to surprise to amusement. You’re fast to sit up, mouth opening to fire a retort — but Bucky’s suddenly really enjoying the look of pure horror on your face at the insinuation. He’s smirking. Plain as day. He swigs his beer.

“No, no—” you raise a finger, “No, stop it. Don’t make it fuckin’ weird, Bucky, it’s not like I have his name tattoo’d on my ass. And I knew a girl in college who did.”

His brows rise sharply and you’re finding you’re regretting everything that’s coming out of your mouth.

“Stop looking at me like that,” you guffaw, gesturing for him to show you his hand again, “I wanna see.”

Bucky sighs and plucks his hand from his hoodie pocket.

With a sort of tenderness Bucky wasn’t prepared to handle, you take his metallic hand into your own. There’s an immediate twinge — one that’s procured by flashes of violence from years of being a walking weapon. He breathes, and he reminds himself that this arm is not the same that tethered him to HYDRA all those years ago.

This arm is his, it is not him.

The sensation is different. He isn’t used to anyone touching him like this; he’s used to the feeling of flesh on the other end of a punch, or a throat caught in his palm. Not the gentle pass of your fingers, delicate and purposeful, over his knuckles.

You turn over his hand, eyes alight with curiosity — and Bucky, desperate to stamp out the hotness growing in his gut, moves quickly to flick your nose.

“Ow—”

“Don’t stare,” he says coyly, “It’s rude.”

The waitress is back. His hand is tucked away, and you wrestle the stupid expression off your face long enough to order a plate of assorted maki rolls and some fried tofu. Bucky orders what seems like his usual — shrimp tempura and spicy tuna rolls.

The waitress, Sarah, disappears with a smile.

You’re grinning.

“So… Does this make me the sidekick?” you whisper playfully.

“Shut up,” Bucky laughs, his lips almost darting into a smile.

You cock your head, pushing your chopsticks across the table with a horribly coy look on your face. It’s comical. “...I think this makes me the sidekick.”

“It — stop it — it does not make you the sidekick,” Bucky says slowly as he sips his beer and pins you in the booth across from him, “I’m not a hero. You’d have better luck asking Cap on that one.”

You grow silent. There’s a question hanging on your tongue. You’re wrestling with yourself — Bucky can see that much. He frowns.

“Spit it out, Goose.”

You blink. “Was that a Top Gun reference?”

“You wanted to be the sidekick.”

You wave it off, blinking into your Mai Tai. Your voice is quiet. Even as you speak, there’s a hesitancy akin to walking on eggshells. “What happened to Cap? Is he… alive? He’s gone off the grid. It’s, like, this massive conspiracy theory online.”

“He’s upstate.”

You blink.

“That’s ominous.”

Bucky shrugs. “Someday I’ll take you. It’s… nice.”

You go quiet. You freeze, drink halfway to your mouth. Bucky can’t help but smirk at that. His laugh is more of a scoff than anything.

“Relax, Miss America.”

“Shut up — do you mean that?”

“What, that I think you’re in love with Captain America?”

“No, you bastard, that you’ll take me. To meet him.”

Bucky’s words are easy. They roll off his tongue without a second thought. He feels… okay. Like this part is okay. Not as bad as he thought it could be. His anxiousness isn’t as heavy now. He feels like he isn’t losing you. But then again, he hasn’t gotten to the bad part yet.

“He’s my best friend,” Bucky explains plainly, “And so are you.”

The admission is warm. As easy as breathing. Two months in the making.

“Your only friend,” you say quietly, offering the joke as a cover for the softening tone that dances over your words. It’s affection, you realize, as you mimic his shrug, “But, go on.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” Bucky chirps, “But, yea, I mean it. He’d like you.”

You raise your chin, wiggling a bit in the booth. It’s pride — and as much as Bucky likes the look of it, he can’t handle the ridiculousness that comes along with it. But, it’s sort of comforting. He knows this playfulness, this easiness, it’s all because he’s him. You trust him. In.a way, it strikes Bucky with guilt. There are wall of his still built up high. Maybe they’re slowly coming down, but… he’s like a stray dog, slow to trust.

“Safe to say,” you breathe, “I have a few questions.”

“I figured as much.”

You sip your drink and swallow. You raise a hand. “But — I wanna know the boundaries. I don’t want to… I don’t want to pry about shit I have no business knowing, alright? It’s your life and even if we are friends, I don’t need to know everything.”

The relief is almost immediate. He thumbs the label of his beer.

“Ask anything. But I can’t promise I’ll be able to give you the answers.”

“And I’ll leave it at that,” you say sternly, propping your elbow up on the table and offering your pinky finger, “Until you want to talk about it. Promise.”

He crooks his pinky in yours, squeezing gently. You smile.

Sarah comes back with the food, and then Bucky offers his usual half-exhausted, half-amused smirk.

“You get three questions now. Then, we shut up and eat.”

You fold your hands neatly over themselves, eyeing your food as you try your best to sort out what questions come up with the most urgency. There’s… a lot. I mean, everyone knew about the Avengers — and everyone had their opinions. The Sokovia Accords, Lagos, the Blip… and SHIELD. Years of bullshit culminating around those who were considered the heroes. The kickback usually ended up on everyday citizens like you. After the initial amazement, the reality of it all set in.

But, to Bucky’s point, he wasn’t really an Avenger.

Nowadays, there really wasn’t a team at all. No up-state compound, no leader, no Stark and no Rogers.

You’re sure the GRC will try — that the military will try. Morale and hope and blah, blah, blah.

You narrow your eyes. “How old are you?”

It’s quick. “One hundred and six.”

“How’d they keep you alive that long?”

There’s a wince that flashes across his face like he’s been stabbed with a white hot poker in the ribs. You see a twitch of irritation bubble across his lips. Not with you. No, it’s that this question is still hard for him to answer. Bucky exhales sharply.

“Next question.”

You feel a pang of guilt flare in your chest. You move along.

“Who kept you alive that long?”

“The Russians. HYDRA, if you wanna get specific.”

You exhale and settle on the fact you now have more questions than answers. But, you nod and snatch up your chopsticks. Enough of the twenty questions game.

In all honesty, it’s not like Bucky’s existence was common knowledge. The Winter Soldier was known mostly, sure, to those who had floated in the same circles as him when he was nothing but a rabid cur on a choke chain. He can’t help but be a bit thankful for the minor erasure of his new self — sure, in the eyes of the U.S. government he was a high-level threat to be reintegrated as soon as possible and surveyed at all times. But, to the average New Yorker, he was just another person. Everyone was so used to seeing the heroes in their costumes with their bigger than life personas and…

Bucky was just Bucky.

Even he didn’t really know who that was. He was starting to.

His pardon had come with some flak from some of the more political news outlets but… somehow, the details of the Winter Soldier’s exact crimes were being kept silent. Probably to avoid panic. And, even then, the connection between the newly alive James Buchanan Barnes and The Winter Soldier hadn’t been made yet in the public eye. He was glad.

The haircut definitely helped.

It’s like he was a walking classified redaction.

Bucky has a sushi roll in his mouth when he finally speaks. “For such a Captain American fan, I’m surprised you didn’t recognize me.”

“Oh, you’re really not gonna let that go, huh?” you say as you chew, covering your mouth. You swallow and waggle your chopsticks at him, “Listen, it’s been a while since I’ve… y’know, had my Avengers phase. That was years ago. It was at its peak when I worked for SHIELD. And besides, you’re kinda new to the whole superhero scene.”

Bucky frowns. “You worked for SHIELD...?”

“For a year,” you say tightly, “Back before the collapse.”

“Only a year?”

“It was for my graduate program,” you wave it off, “I won out on the most competitive internship NYU had to offer. I was working within their cybersecurity division. I will say I spent more time trying to sort of email phishing scams than anything else, though. I’m sure they saw my record and wanted to keep me away from the juicy stuff.”

Bucky squints.

You offer a sheepish shrug.

“I got into trouble when I was younger,” you sip your drink and sigh, “I always liked computers. I used to spend all my time on forum sites just… reading and talking to people and figuring out how these sites actually worked, so learning how to write my own code was just the next step. When I was fifteen, I learned how to tap phones. At sixteen, I was hijacking my neighbor’s internet conenctions and remotely controlling his laptop.”

“Sounds like a good time.”

“Yea, well, he was a sitting Senator who was having an affair with the nanny,” you mutter, “And I was stupid enough to try and blackmail him for cash. I wish I could say I learned my lesson.”

Bucky exhales long and hard at that, like he knows where that snap of misguided judgement goes. It’s not like he’s passing judgement onto you, but… like he knows the feeling. And you manage to not feel so small, then — telling him this is easy. It’s not your favorite part of your life by any means, but Bucky is listening. Really listening.

He fiddles with the paper wrapper of the chopsticks.

“So, less a Goose and more a Kevin Poulsen type, huh?”

You snort. “For an old man, I’m surprised you know who that is. But, I wasn’t hacking into the Pentagon at seventeen. I was too busy doing community service.”

“HYDRA had their eyes on him in the 90s,” Bucky mumbles through a bite of spicy tuna, the memory popping into his mind and flying out before he can stop it, “I remember… I thought his username was stupid.”

“Oh, you didn’t like Dark Dante?”

“Like I said,” Bucky chortles, “Stupid.”

“You wouldn’t have liked mine, then,” you smirk lightly, “It’s worse.”

Bucky raises his brows, somehow doubting that entirely. “Really?”

“...I was hackrabb1t for a long time. Y’know, with a ‘one’ for the ‘i’,” you cringe, “People kept thinking I was a furry.”

There’s a pause. Bucky’s face is set in an unreadable emotion. It’s confusion mixed with amusement mixed with… something else. When he speaks, he clears his throat and tilts his head.

“It’s clever. But,” a pause, “What is a furry? I’ve been seeing that word all over PlentyOfFish.”

Your jaw flies open. You raise your hands as your head reels around. Bucky has a look on his face like he knows, he knows he shouldn’t have asked and he definitely shouldn’t have given you enough context to know where he’s seen that phrase before, because now you’re looking at him like he has seventeen heads and they’re all on fire.

“Y’know what, nevermind—”

“—Oh, no, no, there’s way too much to unpack here,” you lean forward, “You’re on PlentyOfFish?”

“ChristianMingle wasn’t really my speed — stop laughing.”

“Shut up — stop it, stop — this is too much,” you say with a high voice, “If you get catfished, I’m not helping you track the person down…”

“—What the hell is a catfish?” he nearly cries, raising both hands in a desperate shrug, “I don’t even know what any of these words mean.”

“Oh, you sweet, naive, innocent, man—”

“No, no, no, no,” he chirps, raising a finger with a deadly look of seriousness on his face, “No, I am not naive or sweet or any of the above. I’ll take ‘cute’, sure, but none a’ those.”

“Is that what the furries call you on PlentyOfFish? Cute?”

He drops his head back against the booth and stares at the ceiling.

“Our friendship was a mistake, rabbit.”

You choke out a laugh. “Shut up, you walking claw machine.”

You’re both laughing now — quieter but sustained and everytime you think you’ve calmed down enough to sip your Mai Tai, you just have to look at the distraught, scruffy man across from you to break into another fit of muffled laughter. Finally, after what feels like forever, you both manage to calm down enough to finish the plates in front of you.

There’s a warmth that’s settled in Bucky’s chest — it’s eaten away at the usual jitter in his legs, the anxious twitch of his fingers. It’s a different emotion. Acceptance, maybe. Comfort. Affection.  

Then, while you’re piling the last bit of sushi rice into your mouth when your phone, set on the side of the table, begins to go off. It hums erratically, dancing in a circle, and all you do is stare at the name flashing across the screen. You’re smiling, hugging her. It’s from Jaimie’s wedding — out in some big, wide open orchard with the sun setting behind you. The picture there is old; you were both different people then.

Before… everything.

MOM Morristown, NJ

You scowl and stare.

Bucky blinks.

“You gonna get that?”

Quickly, you snap out of it. You reach and silence the buzzing with two quick taps. Quietly, you offer up a somber sigh.

“I never do.”

Bucky frowns again, this time with a worried look that digs deep into his eyebrows. You ignore it on purpose, pushing your plate away and leaning back in the booth. He knows what you’re doing — you’re avoiding his gaze, and therefore his own questions.

“Rabbit.”

“Oh, is that my new nickname, then?”

“It fits,” he chirps before crossing his arms, strategically hiding his metallic hand, “What’s up?”

You grow quiet — then it spills out.

“I can’t talk to her.”

“Why?”

You chew your lip. You bite your tongue and you hold back on the finer points of your anger — ones dredged up by the still present sting of your check-in with Dr. Hart this afternoon.

Here it comes.

“As a part of my pardon, I was ordered no-contact with my family,” you exhale, controlling the level of your voice, reciting the court papers you’d read over and over and over, “It was deemed that further contact would impact my progress towards reformed behavior and judgment.”

Bucky’s eyes are wide. His jaw is tight.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘pardon’?”

It’s your turn to cross your arms now, to ignore the sting of his look. It’s the kind that screams disappointment more than anything. You hate that you’re getting it from Bucky of all people.

“Like I said, I didn’t learn my lesson when I was a kid,” you shirk, “Last year I was arrested on a number of counts — I’d been evading the FBI, CIA, all of them, for years. I was doing it all for people like me. The ones who got left behind.”

Bucky’s tone is flat. It’s serious. His next sentence is less of a question, more of an order. The cadence is rhythmic and it reminds you of your brother the night he found out about the first time you’d been arrested; you decide, then, that Jaimie and Bucky would have gotten along.

“What did you do?”

“Whatever I could,” you wave your hands, “Identity theft, falsified documents, insurance fraud. Anything. There were people, like me, that in a blink, lost everything. Accidents, deaths, evictions and no one did anything for us. The insurance agencies wouldn’t cover damages related to The Snap. Life insurance policies, social security… It all got snatched up by people at the top while the system collapsed around us. I had to pay for my brother’s funeral out of pocket. And there were hundreds of thousands of people just like me, just trying to get by. And everything failed us.”

Bucky is stuck in silence. It’s like mud, dragging him to the bottom of a pond — the sort that’s dredged with misery. In an instant, his veins are on fire with an anger he hadn’t felt in a while. It manifests itself in the tightening of his jaw. He rubs his face and props his elbows up on the table.

“Why won’t they let you see your family?”

You fiddle with your napkin.

“My brother… His wife was on maternity leave when she disappeared in the Blip,” you mutter, “She came back to no job, a dead husband, and no home. Their apartment complex had been abandoned. She’s trying her best to make ends meet. She lives with my Mom in our old home. Neither of them can find work. They… The court thought that I’d be influenced to do something if I was around them.”

“What, like help?”

“They see me as a criminal,” you manage, “But I’m useful, so they’re keeping me around.”

Silence falls between the two of you once more — and the sad look on your face makes Bucky’s chest tight. He can see anxiety beginning to spill over; you’re wringing the napkin, fiddling with the edges. Suddenly, Bucky realizes you’re feeling exactly how he was an hour or so ago.

Your voice is soft. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you.”

“Looks like we’re two birds of a feather,” he says, knocking the toe of your sneaker with his boot, “Listen, we all do stupid shit. I’ve got a lot worse weighing me down. I get it.”

You look up, sadness glistening in your expression like sun off a lake. It’s harsh. He wants to look away.

He doesn’t.

“... So, that means you’re good with computers?”

                                                      ◦   ◦   ◦   ◦  

That’s how you find yourself in Bucky’s Brooklyn apartment at almost midnight, wandering behind him in the long halls and watching curiously as he digs his key from his pocket and shoulders the door open.

It’s a small apartment. One bed, one bath, a kitchenette and that’s really it.

For its size, it’s hardly lived in.

You suppose it makes sense — Bucky didn’t have a lot of personal belongings, and with the hints he’d dropped about his life before The Blip, you were beginning to understand that he may have never really had that much to begin with.

There’s a blanket on the floor by the television and a single couch pillow. It’s tucked in the corner, behind a small sofa. There’s a chair in the living room, one from an old dining set. At the kitchen counter, there’s a stack of papers and a single laptop. Even though all the kitchen’s wares are older models, the bones of the apartment are good. Bare, but good.

You stop in the doorway to the bedroom and stare at the untouched bed. The sheets are tucked tightly in the corners — there’s something militaristic about it. Across the hall is the bathroom. It’s small. You can see a few amenities scattered across the sink’s top.

Being in here feels something like an open wound.

It was lonely. Quiet. Cold.

“We need to make a trip to HomeGoods,” you mumble as Bucky flicks on the lights, “I get the whole minimalist thing, but sheesh.”

“I don’t have a lot,” he says, kicking off his boots by the door and shrugging off his jacket, “And I don’t need a lot either.”

You watch as his shoulders sag a bit, like he can finally let down his guard just a little in his own space. It’s endearing. You perch yourself up on the kitchen counter as your eyes follow him; he moves to fling open a cabinet and grabs a mug. Then, he hesitates.

“You want tea?” he asks over his shoulder.

“Tea?”

“Dr. Raynor said,” Bucky reaches for a container of tea bags from the top shelf. His henley lifts enough to flash a bit of skin along his lower back and you swear you see a scar, “It would help with my anxiety.”

You swing your legs a little. “Then sure.”

“You can use my Captain America mug,” he chirps, laughing a little to himself, “Seeing as you’re such a big fan…”

“God, I regret even saying anything to you,” you spit as you hop down and lean around him to get a look at the mug, “Did you seriously buy that?”

“It was a gift.”

“Bullshit.”

Bucky snorts as you shake your head and wander backwards, eyeing the rest of his apartment with a bit of astonishment. It’s really nothing impressive — but, you suppose it makes sense. Whatever meager disbursement that the government was willing to give Bucky for his efforts in fixing the Snap was better than nothing.

Your gaze hangs on the blanket in the corner.

He watches you; and he notes the sore sadness that dissolves your posture at the sight of the nest in the corner. A bit of shame colors his cheeks as he heats up the water. When Bucky speaks, it’s slow.

“The bed was too soft. I couldn’t sleep on it,” he shifts from foot to foot and focuses on taking the tea bags out and methodically wrapping the strings around the handles, “Dr. Raynor said that’s a typical thing for soldiers to experience when they come home from war.”

You’re quiet for a while after that, only speaking when he rounds the counter with your tea. He offers it up with a tilt of the head.

“You never got to come home, though, right?”

“No,” comes the short reply as you both watch the lights outside the window, “No, I didn’t. Not until now.”

You nudge his arm with yours. You lean a bit. Bucky leans back.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he manages after a sigh and sip of the tea, “I can’t just feel sorry for myself anymore. I’m trying to fix the wrongs I did — and that’s why I need your help.”

You quirk a brow. He reaches around you and grabs the stack of papers on the counter. With a steady grip, Bucky presents the photo of a woman who looks strikingly familiar. You can’t place her face, but there’s something about her that feels like a slap across the cheek. She’s young here, in a faded photo with tattered edges. Beside her is a man who is laughing. The photo is candid, and they’re both beautiful. They’re both  wearing a uniform — but you can’t place the era or location.

You turn to Bucky for answers.

“Back in the 70s, at the height of the Cold War, HYDRA was working in tandem with the Russians to spy on American forces,” he offers easily, staring out the window, “The American HYDRA cell hadn’t yet been planted. This man, Andrei Kuznetzov, was a spy. He was feeding the Americans information on the Russian nuclear program. His wife, the one in the photo, was ordered to kill him. She refused.”

Bucky’s fingers twitch.

His words are soaked through with pain.

“I,” he continues, “killed him.”

You hold your breath. Then you spare him a mournful look.

“Inessa Sidrova went on to help form the same HYDRA cell that ended up taking over SHIELD here in America,” Bucky mumbles, “She’s dangerous. There’s others like her, ones who I helped create, all over the world. But, she’s my top priority. I just haven’t had much luck tracking her down.”

“That’s why you need my help.”

“I’m 106 years old,” Bucky deadpans, “The microfiches at the library were getting a little tedious.”

“But,” you chirp with a sly smirk, “You figured out how to set up a PlentyOfFish account?”

He shoulders you again as you sip your tea and laugh.

“Shoulda never said anything,” Bucky grumbles, “Dr. Raynor thought it was a good idea. Y’know, to get back out in the world.”

“I can promise you,” you say with a stern shake of the head, “The metal arm will get you plenty of chicks and dudes in due time.”

“Good to know,” Bucky replies as his words lilt with a playful sort of questioning that you purposefully ignore. You’re not feeding his ego today. Maybe tomorrow, after you take a crack at figuring out where this woman is.

It’s going to be a long night.

[septembersghost]

More painful musings from me this morning as I try to process this breakup.

I think what's deeply sad is the lost potential, not just for their relationship, but for who Jimmy could be as a partner in life. He's SUCH a good husband to her, but he ends up shooting himself on the foot because he falls short on some crucial aspects of emotional maturity, and I think this is truly what broke them in this episode.

By refusing to truly look inwards and by resorting to repressing pain and wearing masks, he never quite develops the emotional maturity to give his partner what she needs to work through the trauma she's going through right now. Because of that lack of honest introspection, all he has to throw at her is in his desperation is "tell me what to do to change, you make me happy, and I love you". Which, as honest and deeply loving as it is, it's not what Kim needs to get through this. He would have tried SO hard to make things better for her, but he would have gone about it in the wrong way - trying to make her forget and move on (I do think moving on IS important at some point. He's not wrong about that. But that can only happen after everything has been properly processed, whereas for Jimmy that's the immediate go-to solution). Had he not been parroting back Mike's nonsense to her, had he not been banging on about healing and getting over it, had he looked inward and really tried to learn and grow from this, and take responsibility, I think they probably would have had a very different conversation. But that's the best he had to offer in that moment.

i keep thinking about the moment in the office, when she told him about her meeting with cliff and the jackson mercer foundation, when he kissed her so happily. how unbelievably PROUD he was of her. he was rooting for her, he supported her, he wanted that for her. kim's own fear and even immaturity within that did its own damage - she could've gone to santa fe. he told her they'd put the plan on hold. he told her to go, that they'd live to fight another day. and she made that ruinous u-turn. more tragedy of lost potential for all she and he and they could be.

he definitely was a good husband to her and tries his best to uphold the vow of their relationship - not even necessarily the wedding vows (though those, too), but the promise that they'd be honest. if there's something i feel like i shouldn't tell you, that's when i should tell you. kim broke that covenant, even though she thought she was in part doing it to protect him, to keep them together.

that said, they're both culpable here, and i agree that jimmy's avoidance tactics and his masking is completely detrimental because she cannot cope that way. she can't compartmentalize it that way. and hearing him telling her that the healing will start, that they just have to keep pushing through until they forget (the bad choice road speech backfires tremendously), only sinks her deeper into her despair. there's no quick-fix solution to this, no change he can possibly make, and kim KNOWS jimmy doesn't process grief or trauma. she saw it with chuck. she saw it after the desert. she knows him better than anyone, and she's so lost in needing to be punished that she can't cope with his methods. neither of their responses is healthy - they need time to process, they need time to begin to move forward in a considered way, jimmy's answer is to skip right to the forgetting part, and kim's answer is to punish herself so severely that she takes everything away from her life. honestly i don't know how jimmy, even coming from a more reasonable place, could've talked her down from the extreme anguish she was feeling - it led to what amounted to metaphorical self-harm, her choice to end her own career, abandon everything she'd built and hoped for, erase herself in the guilt of it all - but they're communicating from such opposite extremes. she knows jimmy will never want to blame her, too. she needs to be blamed, even if she has to do it herself. it's like she experiences a massive over-correction and he tries to aim for an under-correction, and neither of them can meet in the middle. she'd already made up her mind when she kissed him in the parking garage. maybe there was some combination of words he could've said to change her mind in that living room if he had been prepared to take responsibility and approach her more calmly and with more self-reflection, but the shattered pieces they have left to give each other can't be mended yet, they can only cut with their sharp edges.

the loss of potential in general is such a heartbreaking theme in the story and a vein of it runs through everyone. jimmy and what he could've been in his legal pursuits, kim and what she could have accomplished, jimmy and kim and their love and connection and understanding of one another, nacho with his good heart that was better than the men he chose to work with and ultimately ended up trapped with, mike, gus, chuck...all of them could've chosen different paths at some point, places they could've found to eke out brighter lives, but they don't. they plummet further with whatever shadows trap them there. the potential still always exists, though, as long as they're still living, which jimmy and kim thankfully are. i'm not certain that all of it's lost forever, but in that moment, they lose the most valuable thing they had.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

MY DEAR WIFE. I DESIRE A SEQUEL TO THE JIMMY EMPIRE FIC. I MADE THIS TUMBLR ACCOUNT TO MAKE MY DEMANDS. NOW GO BE FREE. WRITE YOU FANTASTIC FANFIC WRITER YOU. -BEST SPOUSE, PURP <3

this was a popular request LMAO :D

here’s the first part

…

The ringing of her communicator wakes Lizzie up late in the night. Blinking herself awake, she quickly answers it, speaking quietly so as to not awaken her sleeping fiance next to her. “Hello?”

“Lizzie, it’s Pixl,” comes the familiar British voice. “I’m so sorry to wake you.”

“It’s okay,” Lizzie says. “Is something wrong?”

“Something’s happened with Jimmy.”

Lizzie’s heart skips a beat. “Is he okay?”

“I’ll explain everything later but I could really use your help right now. Are you able to come to the Cod Empire?”

Momentarily forgetting that Pixl can’t see her, Lizzie nods. “Of course, I’ll come over right away.”

“Thanks so much, Lizzie,” says Pixl gratefully. “See you soon.”

“See you.”

Lizzie puts down her communicator and gets out of bed. Just as she’s finished changing, her fiance stirs in his bed and murmurs, “What’s going on? Who was that?”

“Pixl,” replies Lizzie softly, secretly glad he’s awake; she wouldn’t have woken him first. “Something’s happened to Jimmy, and Pixl needs me. You okay to come over to the Cod Empire with me?”

Joel sits up in his bed, immediately more awake. “Of course, of course. Let me get dressed.”

The two fly straight over to the Cod Empire and land outside Jimmy’s house. Pixl answers the door on the first knock. “Queen Lizzie, thank you for coming,” he says gratefully. “And King Joel.”

He leads them inside. Lizzie and Joel both gasp simultaneously as they spot Jimmy lying on the bed.

Joel freezes but Lizzie dashes to his side and grasps his hand, staring down in horror at the bruises covering Jimmy’s face. “Oh my goodness! What happened to him?! Is he okay?!”

Pixl joins her on Jimmy’s other side. “He’s recovering,” he responds grimly. “You know the demon Xornoth that’s shown their face around the server lately?”

“Heard of them.”

“fWhip and Sausage seem to be around the epicentre of the whole thing. They captured Jimmy, kept him in a cell for a whole day, beat him several times, then tried to sacrifice him to Xornoth. Scott and I managed to save him but he almost died from his injuries before Scott was able to heal him somewhat with magic.”

Lizzie gazes down at Jimmy with a worried expression, gently touching his face. He stirs slightly under her touch.

After a moment, she speaks again, her tone low and dangerous. “fWhip and Sausage, you said?”

Pixl nods. “Yeah. Scott and I chased them off but I’m a little worried about them returning to finish the job. That’s why I asked you over; I could do with some help protecting him. If that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay.” Lizzie retracts her hand and presses her fist into her palm. “Hell, if either of them show their faces around here, I’ll rip them apart with my bare hands.”

Now Joel moves closer to the bed, his expression uncharacteristically serious. “Poor Jimmy… I can’t imagine how terrified he must’ve been.”

As Pixl opens his mouth to respond, another knock at the door sounds. The three frown at each other, trying to work out who could possibly be at the door.

After a moment, Pixl heads back over to the door and answers it. His gaze darkens when he sees who’s standing there. “You’re not welcome here.”

Lizzie stiffens as she hears MythicalSausage’s voice: “I just wanted to ask how Jimmy is. And to… apologise.”

“Apologise?!” Lizzie bursts out.

Joel draws Pixl out of the way as Lizzie storms to the door and shoves Sausage backwards. “You TORTURED my friend and you think you can just walk over here and APOLOGISE?!”

Sausage scrambles back as a furious Lizzie bears down on him. “I had nothing to do with hurting him! That was all fWhip!”

“YOU THINK THAT MAKES IT BETTER?!” Lizzie bellows.

She flings out her arms and manipulates the ocean water into grabbing hold of Sausage and bringing him closer to her. “ACK!” Sausage chokes, struggling uselessly. “LIZZIE!”

“I’m going to kill you, Sausage,” growls Lizzie. “Would you rather be flung high into the air and fall to your death or drowned in salty ocean water?”

“N-Neither!”

A dark smile appears on Lizzie’s face. “Too bad. I’ve decided I’m gonna drown you.”

She lifts the water higher. His scream is abruptly cut off as the water envelopes his head, stopping him from breathing. She watches with satisfaction as his air slowly runs out.

But then Pixl’s voice comes from behind her: “Lizzie, he’s calling for you. He needs you.”

Lizzie pauses, weighing up her options. Eventually, she releases Sausage onto the dock, taking grim pleasure in the way he splutters and coughs up water. “You’re lucky this time, Sausage,” she says. She kneels down beside him and pushes her face close to Sausage’s with a menacing glare. “But if you ever, and I mean EVER, come near Jimmy again, you’re gonna wish you were never born. Do I make myself clear?”

“Y-Y-Yes!” gasps Sausage.

Lizzie steps back and lets Sausage flee, before rushing back inside and back to Jimmy’s side. Her ally is stirring, his eyelids fluttering. “L-Lizz...ie…”

“I’m here,” whispers Lizzie softly, holding his hand against her cheek to reassure him of her presence. “I’m here, Jimmy. Are you okay?”

Jimmy coughs weakly. “M-My wrists hurt.”

Frowning, Lizzie pushes down Jimmy’s sleeve, revealing the thick red marks. “Wh-What is this?!” she gasps. “Pixl?”

“It’s…” Pixl hesitates, knowing what his next words will likely cause. “They’re burn marks. He had his hands tied behind his back for most of the day in that cell.”

Joel glances sharply at his fiancee. “Uh oh.”

Thunder sounds overhead as dark clouds rapidly slide across the sky. Lizzie’s expression remains steady, but lightning flashes in her eyes. “I’ll be right back, Jimmy,” she says, her voice as steady as her expression. But it’s just an act for Jimmy’s benefit and both Pixl and Joel know it.

Neither Pixl nor Joel stop her as she storms out of the hut and takes off flying towards the Grimlands. She lands atop the outer wall, rain starting to fall from the sky.

“FWHIP!” she bellows, her voice rolling through the clouds and echoing across the land.

Seconds later, the count himself appears atop his tower, within audible distance despite the increasingly loud thunder overhead. “Queen Lizzie!” He spreads his arms wide. “How may I help you?”

A bolt of lightning strikes the very top of fWhip’s tower.

“Aha, what have I done to invoke the wrath of the Ocean Queen?” fWhip laughs.

Instead of replying verbally, Lizzie lifts her arms and summons a giant wave of water from the river, sending it crashing down like a tsunami over the Grimlands.

“NO!” fWhip yells. “My villagers! You’re gonna drown my villagers!”

“MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU TORTURED JIMMY AND TRIED TO MURDER HIM!” roars Lizzie.

fWhip stares at her for a moment as he finally remembers that Lizzie is one of Jimmy’s closest allies. “...oh…”

Shaking himself into action, fWhip dives down into his flooded village. Lizzie watches him, taking grim satisfaction in watching him flounder around in desperation. She doesn’t even realise how close he is to death until-

fWhip drowned

Lizzie quickly dissipates the flood and jumps down to look for fWhip’s items. As she’s starting to pick them up, fWhip reappears, so she retreats back to a safe distance.

“I’ll get my revenge for this, Ocean Queen,” growls fWhip. “I will not take the attempted murder of my villagers lying down.”

“I don’t give a crap,” Lizzie snaps back. “Don’t you dare think about going near Jimmy ever again, because if you do, I can promise you I will wipe your goddamn empire off the face of the world and I will NOT regret doing it.”

fWhip narrows his eyes. “You’re messing with the wrong empire. I too have the power to wipe an empire out of existence.”

“I live in the ocean. The bulk of my empire is underwater now. Your TNT will make a scratch at most.”

fWhip’s mouth opens, then closes again. After a moment, he looks away. “Fine.”

Lizzie raises an eyebrow. “Really? You’re backing down that easily?”

“I’m being smart. You’ve no idea what’s coming, Lizzie. I do. I need to prepare. I can’t afford to be dragged into another war right now.”

As fWhip turns, he finds Lizzie extremely close to him. She grabs the collar of his shirt and pulls him close so that their faces are inches apart. “Then don’t start one,” she snarls. “Stay away from my allies.”

She shoves fWhip away and takes off again, flying back to the swamp. Part of her feels bad at the attack on fWhip’s innocent villagers but she pushes it aside. fWhip tortured Jimmy and was perfectly willing to slaughter him when he was tied up and defenceless.

Lizzie has no sympathy or mercy for a person like that.

When she gets back, Joel meets her at the door. “Lizzie, you’re back!” he gasps. “I saw the death message in chat.”

“Yes. fWhip needed to be told that I won’t tolerate him hurting my Jimmy.” Her gaze flickers from Joel to Pixl and back again. “Or any of you.”

Joel gazes at her with almost visible hearts in his eyes. “I love you so much, Lizzie.”

Lizzie can’t help a chuckle. “I love you too.”

“Guys, guys, come quick!” Pixl calls suddenly. “Guys!”

The two quickly rush to Jimmy’s beside but stop dead simultaneously when they see what Pixl is so panicked about.

A mark has appeared on Jimmy’s neck. It looks like some kind of rune, but what’s worrying about it is the fact that it’s glowing red.

“What is this?” Lizzie gasps. “What’s happening?”

“I don’t know! It just appeared!”

After a few seconds, the glowing dies down, leaving only the clear black mark.

“This has got to be something to do with the demon,” says Pixl shakily. “I don’t know what or how or why, but somehow, fWhip and Sausage’s attempted sacrifice of Jimmy must’ve caused this.”

“But what can we do about it?” Joel asks. “What can we do to help?”

Pixl has no answer to this.

Nobody does.

[prismadog]

Found Family AU character facts (part 6)

okay yeah, these are more like backgrounds than anything else so idk why I keep calling them "character facts" - but I've already come this far and am therefore too lazy to change them [used to be a time when my OCD kicked in real bad and wouldn't leave me alone until I changed everything to better fit. thank the minecraft gods I don't have that problem anymore - still got OCD but I'm able to ignore it more]

oh, these are also kinda my headcanons for the characters - like Sausage is a dwarf, Pearl a Harvest Guardian, etc. I'm still thinking of writing one-shots about the characters before the actual AU's beginning (ya know, focusing on the background characters more) and I think I might just go ahead and do that, but only after I finish these posts - got two more to do, this one and one with Joel & Pixl.

also, these ones are kinda long but you're just gonna have to live with it because I'm really tired of trying to condense them down, plus, I don't think I can with these two? there's a lot going on

this one features our beloved seablings Lizzie and Jimmy! [I got a one-shot idea for Jimmy's mostly fleshed out in my head] anyway, here we go!

Lizzie

Lizzie is the firstborn of the Ocean Empire, heir to the throne, and elder sister to Jimmy. their mother is Queen, commander of the seas, and their father is King, but also Mr. Trophy Husband (he does not mind this in the slightest). Even from her birth, she has known that one day, she'll be Queen, and has trained extensively to be the best fighter, the best ruler, the best Queen.

she was about 5 when Jimmy was born and she loved him from the start. he was always too small compared to her so she took it upon herself to watch over him and protect him. when she was older, she taught him to fight since their parents were too worried about him getting hurt.

she would go with her father to represent the Ocean Empire, sometimes Jimmy would join but usually he stayed at home. she met other children but never really got to know them because they were scared of her - except one kid named Joel, Prince of Mezalea. he would follow her around and talk her ear off about building, she liked that he was so fearless.

for the next several years, the empires of Mezalea and the Ocean would make visits to each other. Lizzie and Joel got to know each other more and Joel got to meet her brother - Lizzie was nervous that they wouldn't get on but she didn't need to worry, Jimmy accepted Joel easily and Joel called him 'brother'.

Lizzie didn't know until later why there were so many visits - her and Joel's parents wanted to unite their empires through marriage. she found out and went to Joel and talked to him about it, they were 16 at the time so it was too early for them to wed but they promised when they were of age. they talked to their parents about a future marriage and their parents were glad - Jimmy loved the idea as well.

two years later, their father was traveling to another kingdom, to the Crystal Cliffs, when he was slain by unknown people. his remains were returned home and a funeral was held to return him to the Ocean. their mother carried on for some months after but the grief was causing trouble for the empire - there were constant storms that made travel near-impossible.

Lizzie went to her mother and they had a long talk, by the end of it, the Queen gave up her crown and her thrown in order to return to the sea, to her departed husband. a ceremony was held for the Queen as she joined the ocean, and a few days later Lizzie was crowned Queen. Jimmy and Joel were at her side through it all, and Joel's visits became longer and longer until he was practically living with her - not that she minded, she loved the company.

Lizzie and Joel married nearly two years later when they became of age. they had two ceremonies - one Mezalean and the other Oceanic, the wedding itself was held in Mezalea due to different customs, and a smaller ceremony was held in the Ocean Empire. Jimmy was Joel's best man.

life was fairly peaceful for a time, Joel became a trophy husband (like her father, Joel didn't mind). if there was a Gathering, Lizzie would either go with Joel or Jimmy, a few times even both, though she did worry about her brother - he wasn't nearly as strong as her and he liked to get into trouble, when he wasn't hiding behind her that is.

a sickness hit Joel's kingdom that wiped out a decent amount of Mezaleans, including his parents. Joel had to return home to run the kingdom while they were bedridden, Lizzie provided as much aid as possible without endangering her empire too - he insisted she stay in the Ocean. his parents, like many citizens, had their lives taken and he became King.

visits had to become commonplace again and the couple were apart more often than they were together, but Lizzie and Joel made it work. Jimmy often traveled for them, sending messages and gifts for them - he didn't mind.

a few years later, when Jimmy had become of age, he came to her asking her permission to let him travel - really travel, not just between the two empires. she worried for his safety and wanted to keep him near but knew it would only hurt him in the end - so, she gave him as many blessings as she could, as did Joel, and they parted ways. Jimmy promised to write often.

a year later, after a few months of no word, Lizzie got a letter from Jimmy about a small settlement in the swamps that boarded the ocean. she went out immediately with Joel and they visited Jimmy, she lectured him about worrying her then doted on him for a time. she came to find that there had been a storm and Jimmy had washed up in the settlement (literally), the people helped him heal up, and they accepted him into their community when he wished to join.

Lizzie spoke with the elders about the settlement and her brother's role. an agreement was made where Jimmy was declared the ruler of the Cod Empire and they would be allies with the Ocean Empire. she doted on her brother more but eventually returned home.

at the next Gathering, she greeted Jimmy as a ruler, and found that he decided cod heads were in fashion. she kept on eye on her brother - who still liked to get into trouble - and more than once came to his rescue when things got out of hand - some of the other rulers liked to pick on him. things only went too far once and she showed fWhip and Sausage the true might of the Ocean Empire - they never went too far again.

Jimmy

Jimmy is the secondborn to the Ocean Queen & King, prince of the Ocean Empire (though, there's no chance for him to rule), and younger brother to Lizzie by about 5 years. he was a fairly weak child, smaller than what was normal, but he didn't let that stop him from getting into trouble.

he was doted on by many of the adults around him and picked on by many of the noble children - but he thought it was all in good fun. Lizzie watched over him like a hawk, doted on him as well but she also taught him how to protect himself. he learned how to fight and defend from her, even though their parents didn't like it.

Jimmy often stayed home when their father had to travel to the other kingdoms - usually for the Gathering - and Lizzie almost always went with him. he spent most of that time either by himself or with their mother who taught him different things about ruling - in case he either married into another kingdom or founded his own.

after each Gathering, Lizzie and their father returned home, and Lizzie told him all about the event. she brought him gifts and food, and stories about the other kingdoms. she also told him about another prince - Prince Joel of Mezalea - and how she wished they could see each other again and that it'd be nice for Jimmy to meet her new friend.

after a few of these talks, Jimmy decided to help his sister out. he went to their parents and asked them about an alliance between the Ocean Empire and Mezalea - let it be known that he can be fairly intelligent when he wants to be, even though at this point he's only about 7. their parents talked with the rulers of Mezalea and soon, there were visits. Jimmy tried to stay out of the way the first few visits to give Lizzie and Joel space, but his sister always managed to drag him into the middle - Joel accepted him pretty quickly and welcomed his company.

some years passed and there was talk of a future marriage between Lizzie and Joel - Jimmy was more than happy about their decision and already felt like Joel was family. then their father died and a funeral was held for the King of the Ocean Empire. Jimmy took it upon himself to try to keep his mother and sister in good spirits - Lizzie was relatively okay, sad, but okay; their mother was different though, she grieved almost continuously and was torn between keeping Jimmy at her side and not wanting to see him at all - he reminded her so much of her husband but Jimmy never held it against her.

then one day, Lizzie had a talk with their mother about her grief and how it was damaging the Empire - travel had been all but halted and the people were suffering. he wasn't there for the talk, only after when they had to say their goodbyes to their mother - she decided to step down and return to the sea to be with her husband. Lizzie became the next Queen and he stood at her side like always.

Joel visited more often, so often that Jimmy just suggested he move in - even though only a few months had passed. he and Joel often got into some trouble but it was all harmless fun. some time passed and his two best friends - Lizzie and Joel - became of age and Jimmy officially gained a brother.

he didn't really like to go to the Gatherings - there were always too many people and sometimes the other nobles would tease him. if he did go, he liked to wear a mask. otherwise, he usually stayed at home or explored the ocean around the palace.

a sickness hit Joel's kingdom and he lost not only a good number of subjects but also his parents. Joel had to leave the Ocean Empire and take the throne, something that saddened both seablings but more so Lizzie, though she didn't like to show it. Jimmy acted as messenger between his best friends once all was well within Mezalea - Lizzie didn't want him in the thick of it in case he got sick too.

when Jimmy became of age, he decided that he wanted to explore the oceans. he'd always dreamed of exploring but he never thought he was strong enough, that and he had to be here for his sister. but he was an adult and seeing as the throne only goes to the females in the family, there wasn't really an official place for him in the palace. so with Lizzie's permission and many blessings, he set out to see the world around him.

he traveled for quite some time, sending letters when he could, except for one time almost a year after leaving home. he got caught up in a mighty storm that battered him towards the shoreline and washed him aground. he found himself days, maybe more than week, later on the shore of a swamp settlement surrounded by fish-hybrids that looked a bit like cod. he was injured and dehydrated and they took him in and cared for him.

he sent a letter to his sister when he was well enough, which was a couple weeks after waking up in the swamp, and was soon visited. Lizzie lectured him and doted on him and wanted to take him home but he turned her down - he had a debt to repay. a small meeting was held with the elders and Jimmy came out of it as the unofficial-official ruler of the swamp. the people accepted him well enough, he was just another member of their community and he thanked them for that.

he quickly adjusted to his new life, though being closer to their average humanish height took some getting used to - the Ocean royalty are usually about three times as big as the average human, and normal Oceanic people are about twice the size as a human. he started dressing in long sleeves and pants, and he donned a cod-head - all to better blend in with his new people.

at the next Gathering, he was introduced as the Codfather, King of the Cod Empire. a couple of the other rulers - fWhip and Sausage - started to tease him, all in good fun at first then things slowly escalated until one time where he got injured and bedridden from one of their traps. Lizzie wasn't happy about that and put them in their place.

he also found, during the Gatherings, that the ruler of the elf empire, Elfking Scott of Rivendell, hated him, but he also teased him? Jimmy tried to give the elf gifts, to appease him, but nothing seemed to work, he just couldn't get the elf to like him.

[aspiestvmusings]

My wildest WandaVision Theory

SPOILERS for WandaVision..thoughout season 1 + several MCU films

This is the wildes theory I have had, I think. And I am 99% ertain this cannot be correct. But then again, I expect some surprise twists, so...

In this theory I focus on some things/details/facts from the MCU (and coming films) & some comics details & ignore others. And even though they like to use the comics as the building blocks for their films & shows, they do also change things up, so I do not expect them to follow the “comics canon” hence I’m prepared for surprises:

What we know of the MCU:

Infinity War events takes place in 2018. Wanda & Vision have had a secret relationship for two years by this time. And though many are wondering “when did he/they buy the property & how does that fit into all of their story”, I personally found that those “flashback” memory scenes filled the missing pieces from the puzzle grom past films. And it fits perfectly. With the “what if I don’t go back” scene, etc. I suspect that Vision bought that plot before the events of Infinity War. And Wanda was given the envelope along with other of his belongings after she returned from the Blip. The “love persevering” scene showed us how they connected & fell in love...while watching TV (he learned to be human also through the sitcoms & though her & she learned to not be so afraid of her “weirdness” thanks to him).

Wanda had to kill Vision in 2018, then see Thanos reverse time & bring back Vision only to kill him again...”for good”. Then she got Snapped (dusted).

When she returned “10 seconds later” she learned that 5 years had passed, and it was 2023. She didn’t find Vision next to her. But she had no time to process the Snap, Blip & losing Vision, because she was immediately thrown into the Endgame fight. (where she almost killed Thanos...until Tony used the ultimate “misdirection” trick and helped them defeat Thanos & his army for good.) Then shortly after she went to Tony’s funeral, where she had that lakeside talk with Hawkeye about those they lost (I still say that they were talking about Nat & Vision, because those are the losses that affected them the deepest personally, cause they were the closest to them)

Then a few days/weeks after that (just a few weeks after the Blip/she returned), and after she had been caught up on the 5 years she missed, and she was given his belongings, she went to SWORD to get him back/so that she could bury him (give him a goodbye ceremony). Then she created the hex out of her grief, when she was denied a proper goodbye to her soulmate (that whole things was, no doubt, a show put on by Hayward...that was made obvious in ep 8: and I’m still unsure about the colours: The “just died” Vision in IW turned basically gray, the “taken into parts” Vision on the disply tables was almost normal tone purple”, & the “brought back online” White Vision a week later was all white...with a “Tony’s triangle-shaped arc reactor element” instead of the Mind Stone in his head. The colours & small timeframe confuse me a bit).

Then she has been living in this “fantasy reality” for the past week or so...in real-world-time. Everything we’ve seen in WV has happened during a week or so in real world time. And for her everything from Scotland to WestView has happened in less than a month.

While creating the hex (from her red magic), she also created a Vision 2.0 (we have now been explained that she can create things “out of nothing”, not just transform them as Jimmy-Darcy-Monica suspected) from  her “yellow magic” I might be wrong, but I think the IW blast (and possibly the Sokovia experiment blast) not only awakened & heightened the superpowers in her, but that she was also blasted with the energy of the Mind Stone...the same one that gave vision life originally. So that mindstone energy has been “inside her” ever since & she “transformed it” into the new Vision. The Vision from her memories. and I think that just like her kids, Vision is “real” (how else can Hayward track the vibranium decay signature)...aka she created both Vibranium, and possibly a new Mind Stone even (though it is possibly he is powered by her magic alone & the stone is just accessory), but this Vision in this form cannot survive outside the hex.

We know that they brought up (via Darcy & Visions talk) that Vision is a mixture of many things. Part Jarvis. Part Ultron. Part Mind Stone. Part Tony & Bruce, and not only... We know that Vision has evolved thoughout his existance. And he wants to be/do good, and wants to be more human. But this Vision does not remember anything prior the hex because he was “rebooted”, so he does not have real memories of their time prior this really. And while he acts like her Vision, the hex Vision is not her old Vision either, really. Just one part of what made him him, and that made them connect.

We know that Shuri was able to download some of Vision’s conciousness/memories & would have been able to remove the Time Stone and still have had him live..if she’d had more time.

We know that Hayward has had Vision’s body (physical form) for a while, and he’s been trying to bring him back to life...for the purpose of using him as  weapon against “threats”. We saw that thanks to getting access to Wanda’s magic powers he was able to bring his re-assambled White Vision (colourless, soulless, empty shell...without a soul) back online...to life. What I want to know from finale is how did SWORD got  hold of The Visions body & what is that “iron man” arch reactor (triangle) in his forehead? Cause they have changed the design, a bit. 

Why wasn’t he still in Wakanda (the vibranium he's made of belongs to them), or with Avengers (Tony was gone when he died, but he returned 3 months later & though the team has been busy lately, why was it not with them? I guess V. was transported there sometime during first two years after Snap, when Maria was still running SWORD, cause Tony/Avengers kinda trusted her. And he stayed there even after... Tony was one of the few who saw Vision as “human”, he was kind of one of his “kids”, so I think this is one of the reasons he didn’t want to hold onto the body himself. But he also understood that Vision had evolved, and that Wanda was the his “next of kin”, not him, so he was holding onto the body until she returned, cause I think he was sure/had hope they’d undo the snap. And I guess he trusted Sword/Maria, because he “trusted” Fury, hence he probably decided to let them hold onto the body. Unless Hayward used tricks to get a hold of it once he took over, since Avengers/others were probably focused on “Thanos”, so no time to deal with government baddies. Also, maybe based on the Sokovia accords the vibranium in Vision’s body belongs to the government, not Tony, hence he let them keep the shell? Cause based in Haywards comments they've had the body longer than past weeks... after Tony died. )

And we can be 100% certain that in the Finale the two Visions will fight each other. [sidenote: Paul Bettany is the best! I love his “inside joke” of getting to act with an actor he’s always wanted to have a scene with...himself...as Two different versions of Vision. It’s the best!] The questions remain: will both die...from Wanda’s hands and/or due to the hex collapsing? Will one die (hex-vision) leaving us with just the empty body without the soul (until in some future film they are able to unite the two). Or will they both kinda surive aka will they merge into one, and we will get our old Vision kinda back already?

I am also almost certain that White Vision in WV finale will be voiced by the same man, who voiced Ultron...that would be such a “shock” to hear. (only RDJ being the voice would be as worthy of an inside joke...cause originaly Paul voiced his/Tony’s AI, Jarvis & now he’d voice Paul’s/Vision’s AI...so opposite, but not as “shocking”)

I do not think both the Twins & Vision will survive. I doubt they’ll give Wanda a happy ending... like the sircoms she watched as a kid. So one has to “die”. Since they made it a big deal to show the twins manifest their powers...at age 10 (10 = X), just like their mom, Wanda did first...at age 10 (X = X gene), and there will definitely be X-men & mutants in the future of MCU, I don’t think they'd get rid of the kids after laying the groundwork (Billy & Tommy will definitely get access to their powers & help mom & dad fight the bad guys), so I’m leaning towards the kids surviving. Because she did not just create them, she gave birth to them, so I’d say they can/will survive outside the hex. As Monica put it: Wanda’s kids are real. And even if the sitcom reality looks fake, everything there is real (as real as possible...she actually created the materials & all)

One possible happy, but sad ending would be that both survive: Twins, who stay with her & Vision, who will not be her Vision anymore, but the empty shell. And since she “can’t feel him” in the new form anymore, that’s the sad part. That even though he, too, survives, he’s not hers anymore.

But there is another possibility...that the Twins won’t make it (and they’ll be reborn somehere later... or Wanda doesn’t know they survived, and re-united with their parents...just like in Parent Trap...). But Vision will survive..either as his old self or as just a shell. And that’s the unhappy ending... she gets Vision back, but not her Vision, not The Vision. And she has to help him evolve... it’ll take time for him to “have emotions”. But the twist will be that Wanda was and is pregnant IRL actually.

I am basing this on the timeline we have.

Because the events of WandaVision take place in 2023 (sometime in summer-autumn) & Spiderman 2: Far From Home takes place 8 months after the Blip & 7-8 months after WandaVision. Now...since it’s literally been just a few weeks since Infinity War for Wanda....what if she is actually pregnant? What if she was prior to the Snap? That would make her story here even more heartbreaking - sad, but also happy. Cause based on FFH we know the world is slowly healing from the events, but it’s not in full chaos, so there has to be a “pause” between now & then. Otherwise...Peter/SpiderMan would probably have been more sure about multiverse & there would be more chaos or something than we see in FFH?

And... the events of Spiderman 3 & Dr. Strange 2 will most likely take place right after FFH, so about 8 months from now, and we saw how everything “glitched” when she was giving birth inside the hex. So what if all hell breaks free when she does that in real reality then? And that’s what sets the multiverse events rolling in the upcoming films? Cause why is it happening 8+ months from the Blip/WV/now, not right away. It seems that she won’t be ripping open the multiverse just yet. If she were, wouldn’t Peter/Spiderman have had inside info of it being certain [he seems to not be in FFH, when he talks to the Fake Mysterio] Why will it happen only about 8 months from now? What’s the delay?

I know...crazy wild theory. But I’m just trying to look at the timeline here. Cause either she’ll just spend the next months recovering and/or practicing her new-found skills (her mom did not teach Agatha, but Dr. Strange will guide Wanda on her journey to learn to understand & use & control her powerful abilities) and hence the “calm before the storm” time. Or there’s another reason. And the timeline would fit. Though it could be 8 months simply because the FFH events had to take place during summr vacation... But the kinda calm state of the universe & the specific 8 months “timejump” in FFH makes me suspicious.

FFH also tells us that to the knowledge of general public the fallen Avengers include Tony, Nat, and Vision. But also Cap. So... either Old Cap dies soon of old age/somehow OR the informtion released to the public is not completely accurate. If it’s the first, then Vision cannot make it alive from WV (but could be resurrected at some future time, cause Wanda can create the soul, SWORD has the original body, and Shuri has some of his old database, so...) If it’s the latter then either it’s not the same Vision anymore, but a different one or they’ll just keep him a secret so that other Hayward’s won’t come after him to use him as a weapon. Until the show started I presumed that Vision is gone, for certain.

 But...he’s not a regualar human, he’s part machine, so he is one of those characters they can bring back...even if in a different form. (question is: will they & would they.. would Wanda/Avengers do that...if it goes against The Visions living will? They could & would, I think..if the fate of the universe depended on it..if they needed him on their team)

Because...as they said in WV...it’s all for/because of the children... 

And I know... he is a synthezoid (essentially a robot/machine). But... that’s the thing. In this magical universe the laws of our regular world don’t seem to appy (or rather: tech is so advanced it seems like magic?) at times. The thing is...he is not juyst a robot, an android. He is part machine, part human. And weve seen he’s evolved...beound what “parents” (Tony & co) thought was possible & what Vision himself thought was possible. He got distracted during a missio, because he developed feelings (at age 2 years or so). He’s been shown to be able to feel, cry (produce tears). So..who knows... maybe he can also procreate... with the help of Wandas magic (who can make anything she wants happen...). Even though logic tells me it’s not possible, and his tears etc are synthetic, and he’s kind of a  different species...then I’ve decided that the laws of the world as I know don’t have to apply exactly...in this world. 

I mean...the MCU has a character whose mother is a human woman & father is a planet (in human form). Hence I’ve accepted that what I know to be impossible could be possible in this MCU fantasy universe. Hence I don’t question how or why could Wanda & Vision have offspring...for real. 

THE END

PS. Once again...this does not fit the comics. This is not the simplest route. But it’s one of the wild theories I’ve had. And I wanted to share it. Even if I don’t think that it could become canon. If it were based on comics, then Billy & Tommy would be reclaimed by Agatha’s master & we’d know how & why all this...

[snowdice]

A Twist of Fate {Part 1} (Everything’s Fine Universe) [Dice Roll 13]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Remus & Janus & Patton

Characters: Janus, Patton, Remus

Summary: It wasn’t unheard of for people to gain soulmarks later in life, but it was quite rare. Usually fate was set in stone. Yet, when one’s fated death was prevented, fate had to make some adjustments.

As he fell, Patton may have felt a strange prickling feeling across his skin. He however, was not paying attention to that, far too distracted and confused. All he knew was that by the time he hit the ground, both of his hands were covered with marks. Later when he went home he’d notice even more in other places, but the ones he noticed when he hit the ground were the obvious ones on his hands.

Then, there was Janus. Janus had only one soulmark on his body. At least. He had only one soulmark that hadn’t been burnt off years ago. When he landed on top of Patton, he did not notice the marks that suddenly appeared on his arms and face. Patton did, however, notice two little designs appear on him: one along the side of his nose and the other right below the scaring on the left side of his face. The second was already colored in by the time they hit the ground.

Universe: Soulmate AU and Superhero AU

Genre: The Dice Roll said fluff and it is... but... it’s more fluff and angst, hurt/comfort-ish

Notes: Child abuse, homelessness, malnutrition, acid burns, platonic soulmates 

“Found a 20-dollar bill!” Remus called. He was already on his belly halfway under a bush before Janus could move to stop him. Janus sighed. He guessed he was washing the boy’s clothes today. Again. Of course, $20 was probably worth the inconvenience. The nine-year-old wiggled and shimmied under the bush. “Got it!” he said.

“Good job,” Janus complimented. “Now come back out.”

“Now I’m stuck!” Remus informed him happily, giving a little wiggle.

“Why?” Janus groaned. He knelt down next to the still quite squirmy boy. “Stop kicking Remus,” he ordered. His feet stilled and Janus grabbed him by the ankles before yanking on him.

“Ouch!” Remus said, but Janus knew the difference between actually in pain Remus and being a whiny baby Remus and so he kept pulling.

“You.” He punctuated each word with a yank on his legs. “Knew. What. Would. Happen. When. You. Went. Under. There.”

Finally, on the last pull, Remus popped out of the bush. Janus fell backwards onto his butt. “Yeah, but I also knew you’d get me out and fall on your butt!” Remus said while sticking his tongue out.

Janus glared at the sky. “Why are you always such a gremlin?”

Remus giggled and climbed on top of Janus. He slapped the $20 bill down on his chest.

“The person who lost it was supposed to get bread and milk from the store for their dad,” Remus informed him. “When he lost it and couldn’t get the food, his dad said that he was a liar and probably spent it on something stupid. Then his dad hit him in the face and kicked him in the ribs.”

“I see,” Janus said evenly while internally wincing. It wasn’t the worst information to come pouring out of Remus’s mouth, but still. Ouch. He stroked the hair out of Remus’s face and got a gap-toothed smile in return. “Well, we’ll get some good use out of that money, huh?”

“Yeah!” Remus said. “We could get a cake! A whole cake!”

“I don’t know if a whole cake is the best financial decision,” Janus pointed out and got a wobbly lip in return. “But,” he smiled a bit, “we can buy a frosted cookie from the bakery when we get bread.”

“Yayyayyayyayyay!”

Janus gently pushed Remus off of him and he went rolling in a pile of giggles. “Come on Re,” he said, holding out a hand for him. Remus took it and swung their hands together between them. They walked towards the park entrance hand in hand.

Remus paused a couple of feet before the street. “Change now,” he instructed.

Janus did immediately. He stretched his body up about a foot and pulled it out a bit. He erased the burn marks littering the left side of his face and replaced them with a line of unmarred soulmarks framing the apple of his cheek. He carved a couple of age lines into his hands and around his eyes as well as a few more soulmarks on his wrist and hand. Remus adjusted his grip on the now slightly bigger hand without missing a step. Just as Janus finished the shift, a woman with a baby stroller turned the corner. Janus flashed her a smile and she continued past without a second glance.

He and Remus continued to walk until they were on the sidewalk outside of the park. Janus looked to Remus who was squinting into the air. A few seconds later, he pointed to the right. “Bad,” he said. Janus nodded and led him to the left.

The shift was already starting to put a strain on Janus, but he couldn’t let it go while on the street. Usually he could last longer, but he hadn’t gotten much to eat in the last week and had felt a bit dizzy even before forcing his body not only to shift, but to support a larger than natural form. He’d just have to deal. Remus would tell him if he was in danger of passing out anyway, and soon they’d be able to get some real food with the money they’d found today. There was $6.78 in addition to the $20 they’d just found, so they’d be set for a little while if they played their cards right.

Luckily, the bakery was only a couple of blocks from the park and they’d be able to buy some day-old bread for cheap to eat from there as well as the promised cookie to split.

Remus ripped himself away from Janus when they were a couple of feet from the bakery and slammed his little body through the door. He was up at the counter before Janus could get through the door.

“Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!” he was saying, jumping up and down at the cash register.

Luckily the man just seemed amused rather than annoyed by Remus’s antics. “Hello Jimmy,” he said kindly.

“Hi!” Remus said one more time. “I get a cookie today!”

“Do you?” the man asked, amused.

“He does,” Janus confirmed. “He’s been impressively well behaved for once in his life.” Remus titled his head all the way back to stick his tongue out at him.

The man smiled at them softly. He’d never introduced himself in the time that Remus and Janus had been coming here, but he did have a nametag that read ‘Patton.’ Patton was here most days of the week. It was always him, a teenage girl, or the older woman who owned the place working. Janus and Remus agreed that he was the best option. He was always nice and never seemed to be annoyed with Remus (a feat even Janus sometimes struggled with). He’d even snuck them extra food sometimes which was always a nice surprise. “What’ll it be today?” he asked with a smile.

“Two loafs of day-old bread and whatever cookie Jimmy wants,” Janus said.

Patton nodded with a warm smile and moved to get their order. He was always so unflinchingly nice. They’d seen him interact with all sorts of people in the 6 months they’d lived in this neighborhood, and he was always kind to everyone almost… fatherly. Which was why his hands were always a surprise whenever Janus caught sight of them.

It was odd to see someone like him with unmarked hands. Janus’s own hands were unmarked (at least when he wasn’t shifted), but that made sense. Janus didn’t think he’d make a very good parent if he ever even had the opportunity. The one on his wrist for Remus was probably the closest he’d ever get and that was edging more into sibling territory. Yet, by the way Patton looked at Remus and all other children that came into the bakery (at least the children who looked like children), one would expect his hands to be riddled with marks. Chest unmarked? Sure, he just didn’t want to be all gross and kissy with someone. Face unmarked? His parents sucked or weren’t around like Remus’s. Arms? No siblings or sibling like relationships. But, hands? That was a surprise, at least for Patton. He just seemed like… someone who would want to be someone’s dad. He didn’t even have any anywhere near his hands from what Janus had observed. He had two already black ones on his cheeks, probably from his parents, and he almost had to have some friendship ones on his back, but Janus had yet to catch sight of any others.

“Which cookie do you want?” Patton asked.

“Ooo ooo, um,” Remus said. “Should I get the one with a smiley face or the one with the flowers?” he asked.

“Hmm,” Patton contemplated. “How about this. If you could pick any design to be on a cookie, what would it be?”

“Moggie!” Remus said without question. “Moggie’s my favorite!”

“Well, I was decorating a cake a bit ago and I have a bunch of different colored frosting already out and in piping bags so why don’t I go make you one with Moggie-Man on it?”

Remus gasped. “Really?!”

“Of course!” Patton said, eyes fond on an enthusiastic Remus. “Anything for one of my best customers.”

They were hardly his best customers. They consistently only bought the marked down items like the day-old bread that was only a dollar a loaf. Yet, Janus wasn’t going to argue when Remus was so incredibly excited, even if hand frosting a cookie would take longer and Janus was already a bit unsteady on his feet. Instead of ruining the fun, he sat down at one of the closer tables and took out the heal of the bread loaf. He technically hadn’t paid for it yet, but it’d be fine. He shoved it in his mouth, willing his body to accept the offering of carbs and remain upright.

Remus was bouncing up and down while squeaking as Patton went into the back and returned a moment later with bags of purple, black, and grey icing. Janus rolled his eyes even as he smiled through his mouthful of bread.

“Did you know Moggie once broke his collar bone fighting Speed Bullet when he was only 19?!” Remus gushed. “It was so cool! Speed Bullet was moving too fast and Moggie couldn’t teleport in time and he got thrown off a barn. He would have broken his neck and died if he hadn’t ended up in a big pile of hay.”

“O-oh,” Patton replied.

“The hay had cow poop in it!”

“How do you know he was 19?” Patton asked.

“Uh…” Remus said. The ‘oops’ was clear in his eyes, but he recovered easily. “I invented that part. I make things up sometimes.”

“Ah, well, that’s very creative,” Patton said as he finished up the cookie. He handed it over the counter to Remus who took it with a wide grin and proudly showed Janus the cartoon version of the superhero on it. It was really good, especially considering it was done in icing.

“Thank you,” Janus said, standing up and walking to the counter.

“Yes! Thank you, Mister Bakery Guy!”

“It was no trouble,” Patton replied. He was watching Remus with a grin.

Janus coughed, and he looked back up.

“Oh right!” he said. “$4.52.”

Janus handed over 3 of the dollar-bills they’d gotten earlier and counted out the rest in change.

“Thanks!” Patton said, taking the money. “Have a good day you two.”

“Bye,” said Janus. He shooed Remus out of the door and across the street into an alley. “Anything bad?” he asked when they got there. Remus looked up from his cookie for a moment and thought. He shook his head. Janus sighed and let himself shrink back to normal with a groan.

“You feel bad,” Remus informed him.

“Thanks for the info,” Janus replied. “Very helpful.”

Remus frowned at him and offered the cookie. “You can bite off Moggie’s head,” he offered.

Janus chuckled. “You go ahead and do that. I’ll eat his clavicle.”

“Good choice!” Remus said before taking a bite of the icing superhero’s head. When he offered the cookie to Janus again, Janus took a bite. Then, Remus took another bite. They finished the cookie off in that way.

“Okay,” Janus said. “We have about an hour to get groceries before the shop down the block closes, and then we’ll go home.” Home at the moment was a forgotten about shed in an old community garden a few streets away. Remus said they’d freeze to death in the winter if they tried to stay there, so they’d have to find somewhere else soon. The leaves were just starting to turn though, so they probably had enough time to figure something else out, but they did need to be working on it.

Janus pushed himself to his feet. The bread and half a cookie had helped, and the shifting this time only burnt a little bit. It would be even better once they had something with protein and fat after going to the grocery store. Janus took Remus’s hand again and they made their way to the shop.

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 2

[fangirlstarot]

SIX OF PENTACLES Everything You Give Comes Back Around

On the surface level, this card shows give and take, gifts, donations and charity. The giving and receiving that exists between the have's and the have not's. As a pentacles card, this might mean money, but it could also mean resources such as time, energy, experience, ect. It's a hopeful card overall-- hope that we may find a benefactor in our time of need, hope that we can have enough to gift our excess to those less fortunate, hope that society has come far enough that social welfare may be there to fill the gaps so no one may fall.

On a deeper level, the Six of Pentacles card really opened my eyes to the beauty of the numerology and symbology that exists within the tarot. If we look into the images on the Rider Waite's 6 of Pentacles, we can see how the story becomes one of karma, give and take and the blessings of the adage, "To give is to receive and to receive is to give."

Take the number 6 for instance. Sixes in tarot numerology mean harmony, communication and cooperation. They are the start of the healing and solutions to what plague us in the darkest times of the 5s (which are the direct middle of each suit, those darkest times we will experience on our journey directly between beginning [aces] and completion [10s]). Sixes create the solutions, help us get back our balance and move us away from strife to adaptability and healthy change. After coming out of a difficult situation like the poverty shown in the 5 of Pentacles, this card offers hope that we may make it to the rest of the story and find peace in that 9 of Pentacles and 10 of Pentacles. And that peace could very well come from a rebalancing of wealth, redistribution of resources and community that supports each other when we need help and love.

That rebalancing is shown very apparently in the scale of justice that the merchant on this card is holding in his hand. It's the very same that is pictured on the Justice card in the Major Arcana. This scale represents equity, fairness, equality, karma and things ultimately being balanced in a correct and positive manner. This merchant is not just giving charity for the sake of some haughty attitude that he gets to hold over these beggars, but because this is justice. It's not right for one person to have an excess. This merchant is not the miser seen in the 4 of Pentacles, he's not royalty who has never worked for money neither. He's someone who could very well be in the same position of these beggars if the market prices changed at any time in the  future. One bad crop for the merchant would be the only thing it would take to equalize the different social statuses.

In fact, there is a lot of symbolism here that points to the beggars and the merchant being one and the same. This is the only card in the tarot deck that shows two different social statuses on the same card, pointing to the fact that they are very much linked. The figures on the card are all part of the same cycle, they all blend together as one. There is no difference between them, it is an endless cycle that continues to balance as people climb up and down the social ladder. What support you may be able to offer someone someday, you might need the next. One card, one cycle, one society, all supporting and helping under the guide of social welfare. This is the grand balancing out of karma, what you put out into the world is going to come back to you at some point down the line.

This card goes into the economic theory of how when you distribute wealth it actually creates more wealth. That's a big part of what is stimulating the economy with these stimulus checks at the moment in our current political climate. When the rich miser (someone like in the 4 of pentacles) hoards all his wealth, the economy is not stimulated. But when someone like the merchant here comes along to dispense the extra, it actually creates growth and makes sure that the economy flourishes.

Since the beggars have nothing to offer currently, the merchant could be providing aid out of the goodness of his heart, however as a merchant, he's very likely to see that wealth come back to him when the beggars buy what he is selling. What we put out comes back to us ten fold.

Also, let's look at the symbolism of the colors that the merchant wears for a second. The white (innocence, spiritual purity) and blue (piety, wisdom, religion), show that he's not doing this in a haughty way nor maliciously. He was gifted with a good heart and therefore the community was blessed with kindness. The hand signal the merchant makes is also very important-- it's the same hand signal as hierophant - representing the spiritual side of giving, blessing, philanthropy, kindness.

Another number that shows up here is four with the four pieces of gold he offers the beggar. Four in tarot stands for stability and structure. This charity is not going to just throw the beggar breadcrumbs that might topple him later but will provide him with that structure and stability he needs in order to make it through to a point where he might be able to support someone else.

This card is very much about paying it forward, supporting the community and the power of kindness in times of trouble. It shows that there is so much spirituality we can gain when we help those who are the most hopeless and that by giving we can only, in turn, help ourselves. For my version of this card, I wanted to really capture the cyclical nature of giving and show people who have benefitted the most from their philanthropy and seem to have learned that lifting everyone up is the way to lift themselves up as well.

::Who's Who On This Card::

1. MrBeast from the Mr Beast YouTube Channel (Jimmy “MrBeast” Donaldson made a name for himself on YouTube by giving away more than a million dollars to strangers and friends in bouts of random donations. His whole model is completely cyclical-- the more money he randomly gives away, the more people want to click on it, the more money he makes, the more he can give away and the more of a name he makes for himself, it's actually kind of a fascinating economic model which shows the power of giving to receive)

2. Androcles and The Lion (In this old folktale, Androcles bravely take a spliter from the lion's paw, only to later end up a slave in the Roman Colosseum who is going to be fed to the lions, the same lion he once helped-- proving that the people you meet going up are going to be the same ones you meet going down and how much karma and good will can save you in the end)

3. Trevor McKinney in Pay It Forward (the kid in this movie wants to make a better world, so he envisions a plan where he will help three people and then they'll help three more people and the love and kindness will grow exponentially until everyone gets to live in a better world someday)

4. Angel (from "I'll Cover You" scene in RENT -- with lines like, "Live in my house, I'll be your shelter/Just pay me back/With 1, 000 kisses" because what we give from a place of love comes back to us in more love with this card)

5. Jane Goodall (She spent her whole life working and caring for chimpanzees... and ended up worth $10 million dollars)

6. "What's Mine Is Yours" song/scene from All Dogs Go to Heaven (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-g710mN4YNw -- "Whether you're the boss/Or someone's pet/The more you give/The more you're gonna get")

[ficklefics]

Who Needs Enemies - Chapter Three: The First Night

It's never easy staying still. But soon enough, boredom will be the least of everyone's worries.

Jerome Valeska x Harleen Quinzel, Jeremiah Valeska x Harleen Quinzel

SERIES MASTERLIST ~ MASTERLIST ~ CHAPTER TWO

Warnings: Violence

Another month went by with no word from Jerome.

So I let myself relax. I’d done my part, now it’s time to wait.

A hot chocolate, a pile of blankets, Puddin’ by my side, and a dumb movie. A moment to sit back and not worry about the rest of the world for once.

Then the phone begins to ring.

I try to ignore it, letting it ring into silence. Then it starts again. Groaning in annoyance, I pick it up, ready to shout at whoever is disturbing my peace.

“What?” “It’s Jim Gordon.” I sit up, confused. “Hi, Jim. What’s up?” “Where are you?” He sounds panicked. Behind his voice, people are shouting. “At home…” “Jerome has escaped from Arkham.” It’s happening. “He broke out, along with Tetch and Scarecrow and hundreds of others.” “And you think he might come after me.” “Yes. You need to stay in your house.” A car door slams and an engine revs. “Lock the doors and windows, hide.” “Okay, I will.” Not. “Thank you.” “Stay safe.”

As soon as Jim hangs up the phone is ringing again. This time with a familiar number.

“Jerome!” “The one and only.” A grin bursts onto my face at the sound of his voice. “Where are you?” “About. Look, did you get the address?” “Yeah, hold on.” I scramble up from the sofa and upstairs to the study. There’s a file sitting there with everything I managed to find. “He owns a restaurant in the East Side.” “Perfect.” His smile is audible. “I’m coming to get you – just need to pay dear old Zach a visit.” “Okay. I’ll be ready.”

*

I’ve been ready for an hour. Puddin’ has plenty of food and water and I have a bag packed with some extra clothes. For once I’m dressed appropriately for going on the run: combat boots, jeans, and a sturdy leather jacket – no more uniforms.

Waiting was torture so I’m pacing up and down the stairs. Every creak of the floorboards makes me jump. I guess I’m a little on edge.

I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I can’t tell if I’m thrilled or terrified. Maybe both.

“Boo.”

I scream and spin around, striking the figure across the face. Jerome stumbles into the wall and clutches his now-red cheek. “Hello to you too.” His voice is hoarse. “Shit. I’m sorry.” I do genuinely feel bad, but I also can’t help giggling at the offence on his face. Luckily he sees the humour in it too – as always.

But when he stands up, his face entering the light, I gasp. His face and neck are burnt, coated with a sticky substance. Soup.

“I’m guessing that means you saw your uncle?” I try not to overreact. Knowing Jerome, he doesn’t care about the injuries. “Yup. But he was waiting.” “Maybe Jim got in contact – he called me right before you did.” “Oh really?” He tilts his head, eyes narrowing. “What did you tell him?” “That I would lock the doors and hide.” I narrow my eyes back at him. It’s impossible to tell what he’s thinking.

At least until he breaks out laughing. “Good for you, Harls. I’ll make a criminal out of you yet.” He steps closer and takes my face in his hands, but before he can lean in I pull back. He pouts, clearly frustrated. “I am not kissing you until you’re fixed up.”

I take his hand and lead the way downstairs to the bathroom, smirking at his childish whine of “Fine.”

After spending hours with the lights off, turning on the light to the bathroom is almost blinding. But it also reveals that Jerome’s burns aren’t as bad as they first appeared. I pull out a first aid kit and look up at him.

“You’re too tall.” “You’re too short.” He counters. “No, I mean… I can’t get a good angle.” “Here.” Without warning, he grabs my waist and swings me round to sit on the counter so we’re almost face to face. “Is that good enough?” “Just about.” I begin cleaning the burns – just like old times. They’ll heal quickly. Jerome stands between my legs, watching me work. “You know, I can treat things other than burns. I wouldn’t mind a bit of variety.” “Am I boring ya’, Harls?” “Not yet.” I wink at him. “But you should be careful.” “Not really my style.” “I noticed. Now, open.” I tap on his chin and he obeys, with a roll of his eyes. The inside of his mouth and throat are red and sore. I grab a spray and use as much as I dare, holding Jerome’s jaw so he can’t squirm away. He tries to speak but it comes out garbled. “What was that?” I tease. He grabs my hand and forces me to release his jaw. “We need to get going. The Hatter got into a bit of trouble.” “Well, you’re all done.” I close the box and slide it away from me. “Let’s go.”

But instead of stepping back, Jerome places his hands either side of me, keeping me on the counter. “I think you promised me something, Harls.” He growls, his eyes dark and a smirk on his face. “I think I might have.” I grin and press my lips to his, revelling in the feeling. His hands grab my neck, holding me close, burning hot against my skin. I let myself fall into the kiss, closing my eyes and forgetting everything else but Jerome. “I thought,” I murmur against him, “I thought we had to go.”

He groans but pulls away, letting me jump down. “Unfortunately, we do. But first,” I raise an eyebrow, “I need a new look.”

*

We meet Scarecrow at the side of a quiet road that passes under the train tracks. He greets us with a solemn nod, dark eyes examining Jerome and me. To be honest, he freaks me out. His piercing stare sends a shiver down my spine.

“So, what’s the plan?” “Stop the van, get rid of the driver, head to Penguin’s.” Jerome shrugs as though it’s simple. “It’s nice to know your planning skills… remain the same.” I roll my eyes. “Come on, Harls. Three of us versus one cop?” He throws an arm around my shoulder. “What could go wrong?” “Let’s remember that I’m the only one here who hasn’t been arrested.” My eyes shift from Jerome back to Scarecrow. “No offence.” “None taken.” He rasps.

I’m about to respond when Jerome grabs the collar of my jacket and pulls me into the shadow of the buildings. The van is here. It rumbles up the road, jolting and coughing smoke.

When it’s just about to reach us Scarecrow steps forward, a dark silhouette in the centre of the tarmac. The van screeches to a halt mere inches from him. The driver steps out, angry and confused, and is greeted with a spray of gas from Scarecrow’s glove. In an instant, his face is consumed by terror and he runs off screaming. Jerome and I join Scarecrow, rounding the side of the van. The doors swing open to reveal Jervis Tetch wearing a metal mask, his eyes wide with excitement.

Jerome hoists himself up surprisingly gracefully. “How’d you like the new threads?” Stepping forward, he begins to detach the contraption from Jervis’ face. “Aw, speechless, I know.” It pulls away with a hiss. Scarecrow climbs up through the doors and I follow him, trying to suppress the feeling that I am completely out of my depth. As Scarecrow steps around Jerome to speak to Jervis, Jerome turns and winks at me.

Jervis and Scarecrow are speaking to each other. Distracted by Jerome, I only manage to catch the end of Jervis speaking: “I must confess, pure joy in besting Jimmy boy with our ploy!” He giggles as he speaks – Jerome may be insane, but this man is unhinged. “Yeah, yeah, you did a great job keeping Gordon occupied.” Jerome waves a hand at him dismissively. “Meanwhile, Crane got his fear gas, I got my information and my girl.” Jervis and Scarecrow’s eyes both fix on me. Show no fear. “And everything is going according to my plan. But, no time to palaver gentlemen. We have fish to fry.” He does a half turn, then looks back at them. “And, by fish, I mean faces… or feet.” He seems to be thinking long and hard, then waves his arms with a laugh. “Something fun to fry!”

Jumping down, he offers me his hand and I take it – even though the slight jump is nothing – joining him on the ground. “Buckle up.” He slams the doors and leads the way to the front of the van. I sit myself in the driver's seat, ready to go. “Oh, no way. My turn to drive.” I roll my eyes but slide over anyway. “Honestly, you crash a motorbike one time and no one trusts you with a vehicle again.” “Seems reasonable to me.” I shove his shoulder. “All aboard!” The engine rumbles to life and we speed off, Jerome’s gleeful cackling trailing behind us.

*

We pull up outside of an old building beside a sign reading ‘St Ignatius School for the Gifted’.

“Hang on, I know this place.” I lean out of the passenger side door and look up at the familiar building. “You do?” “Yeah,” I glance back towards Jerome, “I was supposed to be transferring here before we left Gotham.” “You little genius, you.” He ruffles my hair condescendingly. “That means you can give us the tour.” “Why are we here?” “Revenge, Harls. Revenge.”

*

We leave Scarecrow behind to keep watch while Jerome, Jervis and I sneak through the hallways. Nothing has changed in the six years since I was last here – a few more awards in the display case maybe.

Soft light glows from under the door to the headmaster’s office.

Jerome kicks it open, making the man inside scream. “Please don’t hurt me!” He whimpers, backing into the corner and away from an open filing cabinet. “Oh, hush.” Jerome waves a hand dismissively. “You know why I’m here.” “No, no, I don’t.” He shakes his head, tears welling in his eyes. “Please just leave.” “You’re really making this more difficult than it needs to be.” Jerome pulls out a pistol and spins it by the trigger haphazardly. “Xander Wilde.” “I don’t know who you’re talking about.” “You know there’s no need for this,” Jervis interjects. “Yeah, but this is the fun way.” Jerome grins as he points the gun at the headmaster’s head, inducing another flood of tears. “Harleen, mind taking a look through that filing cabinet there?” “Sure.” I step forward and begin rifling through the files. “Xander Wilde?” He nods. “And I thought I had the prize for the weirdest name in Gotham.” “It’s a close competition.” Jerome chuckles. I find the file quickly and pull it out. “Good girl.” “Please just leave.” The headmaster begs. “Oh, we’ll be leaving. Just one more thing.” Jerome steps aside to make room for Jervis, who pulls out a pocket watch. As Jerome grabs the file from me and leads the way out, Jervis begins to speak.

*

“Anything to report?” Jerome calls to Scarecrow who’s skulking beside the van. “Nothing at all. I take it the mission was successful?” Jerome waves the file and winks. “More than. Let’s get going.”

As we get in, Jervis appears, joining Scarecrow in the back. “Are we good?” “He won’t be bothering us.” Jervis smiles through the wire separating us. The van speeds off again, this time in the direction of Penguin’s mansion. I can see the faint glow of dawn in the distance. Jerome tosses the file onto my lap and nods at it. I pick it up. “So who’s Xander Wilde?” “Just read it out.”

I flick it open. The first page holds all the basic information. Name, date of birth, parents, and so on. The space where there would normally be a photo is blank. “Xander Wilde, 24 years old. Started at the school fourteen years ago and graduated valedictorian. GPA of -” My eyes widen at the number. “- Oh shit. Wow.” “Keep going.” “Top of all his classes, teachers thought the world of him. Quiet, studious, perfect student by all accounts.” I make a face. “Can’t relate.” Jerome gives me a look which I return. “Don’t look at me like that; I was smart, not a good student.” “Sure.” He doesn’t sound like he believes me. “Where is he now?” “Ummm…” I rifle through the pages of reports, of straight A’s, of extracurriculars. “He went to college, graduated and now… He’s working for an engineering company, Meyer and Hayes.” I drop the file and frown at Jerome. “Who is this guy?” “Let’s just say he betrayed me.” He refuses to make eye contact with me. “And he’s going to regret that.” “Okay.” I shrug – there’s no point interrogating him. If it’s to do with his uncle, it must be something big. Realising how tired I actually am, I suppress a yawn. My eyelids begin to drop, and despite my struggles to stay alert, I find myself falling asleep.

*

The world around me is burning.

I’m trapped in a room with no doors or windows, surrounded by flame. As I spin round, panicking, looking for a way to escape, the walls start closing in. Slowly at first, but as they get closer they speed up.

“Help!” I scream. But there’s no one to hear. “Please!” I fall to the ground, my knees knocking against the floor. “I don’t want to die!”

“Harleen!” My head flies up at the somewhat familiar voice. “Hello?” “It’s me!” A figure in front of me. He’s silhouetted by the fire. “Please help me!” It doesn’t matter who it is. I need to survive.

He kneels down and his face is hit by light: Bruce. At the sight of him, I feel myself ache with guilt. Why is he helping me? Why is he so good?

“Come on.” He offers me his hand.

I reach out to take it, but before I can make contact a splitting pain shoots through me. It’s as though I’m being pulled apart.

“Bruce!” “Harleen!” This time it’s Jerome’s voice coming from Bruce’s mouth. The pain only gets worse. I fall to the floor, writhing in agony. “Harleen!” His voice is far away, and yet right beside me at the same time.

“Harleen!”

Someone is shaking me. My eyes snap open and I lash out. Jerome is prepared for the attack this time, grabbing my hand before it can make contact with his face. “We’re here.”

I look around, seeing that the sun has almost risen and we’re parked outside of the mansion. “Oh.” I try to rub the sleep from my eyes, but I’m still exhausted. “Did I snore?” “Only a bit.” Jerome chuckles. “What about talking?” Hopefully, my dream stayed inside my subconscious. I don’t want to explain that to Jerome. “Nothing really.” He frowns, almost worried, but I smile, trying to convince us both that everything is fine. “Cool. Let’s go.” I slide out of the van and stride into the mansion. It doesn’t take Jerome long to catch up. “Where did the others go?” He shrugs. “They’re about.” A tall man is standing waiting for us. “Mr Cobblepot has instructed me to show you to your rooms.” He’s stiff, clearly anxious in Jerome’s presence. “Look, you go ahead.” He squeezes my shoulders and pushes me forward slightly. “I need to talk to Penguin.” “But I want to help.” I protest – even though I know he’s right. “You’re no help if you’re snoring.” “Fine. Don’t get killed again.” “No promises.” I glare at him over my shoulder as I follow the man up the stairs until Jerome is out of sight.

When we get to the room, I say thank you and immediately lock the door.

Next, the curtains. No light allowed.

I dump my bag on the bed and pull out a top, changing quickly and collapsing into bed, letting sleep overwhelm me.

CHAPTER FOUR

[hawkland]

Dear Fandom5k Author

My AO3 account (sidewinder)

Hello and thank you for writing for me! I’m excited to give this exchange a try for the first time and cannot wait to read what you can come up with for one of my requests. Please note I’d love any of them equally, no matter if I have more prompt ideas for one or the other. Some I seriously would love just about anything about since they are so rare, others I have more specific requests to scratch itches I haven’t seen written before (or that much.)

General Likes:

Soumates with a twist. I love soulmate/soulbond AUs, as long as it’s just not a shortcut to happily-ever, no-conflict fluff. I want there to be some difficulties or angst involved. For instance, I’d love seeing any fusion/inspired-by fics based off the concept of the AMC Soumates series - where there’s a newly-developed scientific test a person can choose to take to find their soulmate (if the other person out there has also taken the test). That way it’s a choice to find out or not. Would an already established couple want to take the test to find out if they’re really “meant” to be together or not? What if they find out other people are their “soulmates”? What about the possibility of platonic soulmates vs romantic? Discussions for the future if/when one partner dies before the other? I’d love to see these questions played out with one of my fave ships in either a  happy or somewhat angsty/dark way.

Vacation/travel stories. Being unable to travel this past year+ thanks to covid-19 has me desperate to explore and live vicariously through my favorite characters! So I’d love a story involving travel to somewhere new (to them). It could be a romantic getaway/honeymoon trip to somewhere special - and I love it when an author “takes me” to a favorite city/place of their own. Or two friends just going on an escapade together, maybe one sensing the other needs some time away from a stressful situation or workplace.

Smutty likes: I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, light restraint play, sharing-one-bed-for-~reasons~-ooops-how-did-we-wake-up-cuddling, bathing/caretaking an injured partner-turns-erotic, desperate/reunion sex.

Canon-divergent AUs - I’m always good with fix-its, shifts in canon that only change one thing and see what happens next or instead.

Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats. (I do like Supernatural fics that explore Castiel and the angels having bird-like behaviors and instincts, however.)

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/kidfic (except for Jack in SPN)

formalized BDSM relationships

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/fantasy/etc. There are a few ships/groups where I would enjoy specific AUs, and those are outlined below.

Completely sad endings/permanent character death or injury that isn’t part of canon

Rape/non-con between requested characters. Dubious consent is fine in situations like magic spells/possession/fuck-or-die, however.

Supernatural

AU - Canon Divergence, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Fix-it fic, Interpersonal Drama, Smut, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, Worldbuilding, Horror

In general for SPN, I love canon-divergence AUs at pretty much any point in time (especially as they kept having so many dumb reasons in canon to keep Dean & Cas apart just when one or the other seriously needed support or TLC!) I’m okay with post-series Heaven fics as well as canon fix-its/completely ignoring the finale, and I like exploring both human!Cas as endgame or Cas keeping/getting his full angelic grace back (which is a slight preference to me, as he repeatedly seemed to genuinely value/want to be an angel? But exploring all possibilities in fic is cool for me.)

I’m a sucker for Castiel Whump/hurt!Cas in general, so long as the author remembers Cas is a bad ass and not just a baby in a trenchcoat. If he’s going to suffer, I want him to suffer stoically until he just cannot keep up the facade any longer.  

SPN-specific DNWs: mentions/implications of Wincest, past or present; extreme bashing/characterization of John and Mary Winchester, or Jimmy Nowak, as homophobic. 

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester

Give me all the finale fix-it fics - no I’m still not over it, I’m still happy to read any new twist on how Cas got out of the Empty and got back together with Dean (and Sam). If Dean still dies early/ends up in Heaven, I’d like a story that explores what happens when one gets bored of peace-and-happiness-ever-after. (Yes, I’m a big fan of The Good Place and as such it makes me wonder if eternity with no conflict and everything you could ever want would just melt your brain and identity after a few millennia.) So what then?

I’m also stealing a Tumblr rant as a prompt I’d love to read, if you want to get into some good dirty smut:

ive had it up to here with fictional gays being like “i love you and if all i can ever have is that knowledge it’s enough for me” we need more “i have been struck down by horny insanity and i beg you to fuck me once. i’ve had three smirnoff ices and i’m gonna be crazy now. we can pretend it didn’t happen i don’t give a shit just gimme daddy’s blunt instrument” it’s more realistic [x]

Um so yeah. I’d love an au where, anywhere along the line when it’s been their/someone’s/the universe’s life on the life, Cas takes the initiative decides they’re gonna have crazy sex even if it’s just once before the end of the world/we die. But then, oops, we’ve survived, now we have to deal with it. ...Please?

For something different, maybe more romantic/fluffy, I’d really love a vacation/getaway story here, since they never really got anything like that of substance on the show. I want to see Cas take Dean somewhere beautiful and amazing in the world he’s never gotten to see before. Show him there’s more than just greasy diners and the landscape of America to enjoy and experience. If you want, they could stumble on a case/haunting/monster from another part of the world while they’re at it...but I just really want to see Dean having some mind-opening and expanding experiences beyond what’s he’s known and seen so far in life.

In specific with Cas/Dean + Sam, I love another tumblr idea I saw recently where Sam totally keeps bringing up the idea of “Sastiel” as a fun joke between him and Cas, and Cas plays along, and it drives Dean up the wall. Cas has to just keep re-assuring Dean that no, he doesn’t see Sam that way...but why does it bother Dean so much? A.k.a. Dean has to finally own up to the fact that it bothers him because he wants Cas to feel that way about him.

Castiel (Supernatural)

I just love Cas, period, end of story, he’s my One True Character of SPN. I love any stories that try to explore him more fully—be it his relationships in the past with other angels and being a BAMF commander/warrior of Heaven, or what specifically it is that keeps him so tied to the Winchesters. I love stories that feature his true-form in some fashion or try to dig into the alien/different nature of angels vs. humans.

Also, another Tumblr-musing-turned-prompt (I lost who posted it, sorry!) I'd love to see explored in a canon divergence fic focused on Cas. Specifically: 

"I would have loved an arc for Cas (after he got his grace back) where he wanted to help people, like he was helped. Spending time in soup kitchens or healing people, and through that developing a sense of self purpose, leading to his grace replenishing unexpectedly. Sort of fulfilling the traditional angel role (as we know it nowadays) by replacing his faith in heaven/dean with faith in himself, to redefine himself as a protector of humanity instead of heaven's soldier."

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Jimmy Novak Group: Castiel & Jimmy Novak

We know Cas carried a lot of guilt for what happened to Jimmy and his whole family. So I'm interested in a post-finale, canon-compliant (I guess?) fic where Cas tries to reconcile things with Jimmy in Heaven. Maybe Jimmy & Amelia were one of his first "projects" or test cases in trying to build a new and better Heaven with Jack? (And it's what he was so busy with while Dean was still alive.) Or, is it weird in Heaven with Cas and Jimmy looking so similar? Does Cas still fight doubts as to whether Dean really loves him, or just desires this body/form that isn’t his own?

Otherwise, I've been thinking about Endverse!Cas, who had lost his grace/powers as the angels have all left and abandoned humankind. What happened to/where is Jimmy in all of that? (If we go by the canon that Jimmy was not killed, nor went to Heaven, until the end of Season 5, when Lucifer blew up that vessel and Cas was resurrected by Chuck.) Are they now two "mortal men"/souls trapped sharing one body? Is that why Cas is so messed up/always seeking an escape through drugs and sex? (Besides of course Dean having changed so much.) This is one prompt where I don’t mind a very dark/not-so-happily-ever-after ending.

The Police

Angst, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Humor, Interpersonal Drama, Smut

Group: Sting/Stewart Copeland

Yeah I’ll always request these two together even though I know it’s a long shot to find anyone else as obsessed about them as I am. Really anything at all whatsoever would make me happy for this ship: Reunion Tour-era fic, early punk days before they grew successful, soulmate AUs...

I’d also love a spooky story where they’re on tour/on the road somewhere and end up in a haunted hotel. Or their tour bus/van breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they have to seek shelter in an abandoned house or farm or something...and supernatural weirdness ends up affecting them or bringing them together.

If you want to go the crack route: it wasn’t enough for Miles to take them all around the world to tour in “exotic” locations back in the day. He’s arranged for them now to go on the ultimate tour...of outer space and alien worlds.

Crossover Fandom

Action/Adventure, Character Development, Interpersonal Drama, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural

Group: Abe Morgan (Forever TV) & John Munch (L&O: SVU)

I’ve had a long running headcanon that these two could have been friends back in their respective 60s/early 70s hippie days. I’d love either a story set back then, “pre-canon”, or them running into each other in NYC later in life. Munch ending up in Abe’s antique shop, for instance, while on an investigation?  

Group: Dean Winchester (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) Group: Castiel (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone)

I’m fascinated by the idea of crossing over these two canons. Even if there’s some conflict in their approach to Hell/Lucifer/demons, there’s still a lot in common. Dean & Ezekiel having both put in their time in Hell and being demon hunters, for instance, and their complicated relationships with (fallen) angels. I’d love to see them bonding over their experiences (Maybe they even meet in Hell? Time DOES work differently there…) Maybe somehow after Ezekiel completed his mission for the Devil, he did get his second chance at “life on Earth”…but the devil’s trick is that it’s not HIS Earth, it’s in a different dimension (Supernatural’s). I’m also curious how Ezekiel might respond to Castiel as an angel–perhaps he mistakes Cas for a demon at first, with his powers, but then they realize they are in fact hunting the same demon? Cas is stuck in an alternative dimension and recognizes Ezekiel as a similar soul to Dean’s, and seeks out his help?

Basically I’d love some kind of casefic/demon hunt here, with the characters bonding over their shared/similar past traumas, taking care of each other when/if injured on a hunt, and/or perhaps helping them sort out their complicated feelings for another (ie, background Cas/Dean and/or Zeke/the Devil are TOTALLY welcome here, as I ship both of those ships.)

Law & Order: SVU

Group: John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola

Character Development, Established Relationship, Humor, Getting Together, Interpersonal Drama, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, AU-Genre shift

Munch/Fin is one of my eternal OTPs so I’m always happy to see something new featuring them! I’m always good for procedural/case-fics. And this is one request where I’d love to read some AU-Genre or setting shift, reimagining the two in some other situations besides police work. I’ve always loved the idea of John hosting a conspiracy/weird news radio show or podcast, and Fin as someone completely skeptical but who gets wrapped up in one of John’s mysteries. Or John as the owner of a bar somewhere that Fin is one of his regulars, and over time their friendship develops/deepens into something more.

Supernatural RPF

Misha Collins/Jensen Ackles Established Relationship, Getting Together, Smut, Fluff, Slice of Life, Humor

It’s odd for me to be into an actor RPF fandom (I usually only fall for music/band-related ones), but what can I say...these two just make it almost impossible not to see the possibilities!

I was thinking I’d love something set post-Supernatural...their first time seeing each other again after a long time apart? (What with the show ending, covid, Misha’s surgery, etc etc.) Could be at a convention or maybe they get to go off on a getaway together somewhere private/romantic and it’s...kind of tense and maybe nervous/angsty at first? Like with doubts about whether they can/should go back to the way things were before.

Or: putting tin-hatty speculation about the “secret/real identity” of Alma Perpetua aside, I love their poetry and I’d love any “Cockles” fic using one of their poems as inspiration.

[quwarichi]

My reactions+summaries for SPN S5-15 PT.3:

Supernatural Episodes (that were memorable to me):

Currently: S15E20

[Disclaimer: these were written as I was watching each episode for the first time. It’s literally my brain vomit. Let it be known that I watched the series from season 1 but only around season 5 it occured to me that I might want to remember some episodes, so this was created. I am a pretty big destiel shipper, but it only shows here when I absolutely can’t contain myself. You can enjoy my reactions without shipping them. HAVE AT IT]

Seasons 14-15:

S14:     

S14E01: Hey look Dean has a funny hat now. Haha. And that's the only thing different. Oh wait where did the plaid go? Guess he burned his clothes in an accident and changed into something nearby. Alright. OH WAIT WHERE DID DEAN GO. Sam is tired. Jack is learning how to fight from Bobby. Good on him. Castiel is suffering. A demon knows more about Destiel than Cas does *wink wink* Bless that demon. Give him a raise for the wonderful words he said. Praise. Scratch that he just started a demon gang fight against Cas fuck them up good Cas don't leave survivors. Stop beating Castiel up you know he's taking it easy on you otherwise all of you would be fried chickens. "Sister Jo" is back in business. [Side note: Jensen and Daneel shooting this scene together had me dying the writers did that on purpose]. Michael visits Anael. Jack is sad. Cas is hurt. Lucifer is alive. Oh wait it's Nick. Why is Nick. How is Nick. Nick is pretty understanding and nice. Nick. Hm. The demons got Cas how dare they you fuckers, you motherfuckers I WiLL rAiN hElL FiRE UPoN yOu. Sam is sad and missing Dean. Mary is too. Sam should have hidden the knife in his hair. Cas is embarrassed. Jack gets caught. The demon wants to replace Crowley. How dare he. Awesome action scene. Keep expecting Dean to show up and beat someone up. Cas and Sam miss Dean. Cas and Jack talk about losing their powers. Sam misses Dean. Michael helps monsters now?

S14E02: Hey look Michael's a dick who knew. Srsly fuck him. Cas can't help and is sad. He is also a babysitter to Satan's former vessel and Satan's child. Is Jack Nick's sort-of son or is that taking it too far? Questions for later. Lucifer is now the Supreme Agent of Evil. Cas is sassy. Jack is adorable and needs hugs. Cas is trying to be nice to Nick. Nick is suffering. Castiel feels different. He feels like he matured and grown a lot. Like he's more at peace with himself. He says that when he Fell he still had Sam and Dean which is so adorable. Cas gives Jack a beautiful talk. Michael is wearing a tux, which looks great on Dean but horrible on him. Dean yells at him to get out. Nick is sad and still has Lucifer instincts. Nick is sadder now. He wants his family back. Cas is amazing in this episode. Kudos, truly. He just admits he understands Nick's situation because he occupies Jimmy's vessel. Woah. Nick just said Castiel is a body-snatcher and he's no different than Lucifer. How dare he. How DARE YOU. CASTIEL HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT KIND TO YOU. HE TRIED TO BE CALM. HE TRIED EXPLAINING AND SYMPATHIZES WITH YOU AND YOU GO AND CALL HIM THAT. WHY. JUST... WHY??? CAS STILL FEELS AWFUL FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO JIMMY AND HIS FAMILY. HE NEVER WANTED THAT. FUCK YOU NICK. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. Jack went to visit his grandparents can he get any more adorable I mean OH MY CHUCK LOOK AT HIM. He tells them Kelly had a baby boy and they're so HAPPY HIJFKDHDUHEJDUDH. Jack dear I know you just met your family and you're emotional but saying Dean doesn't matter is like a death sentence in the fandom so tread lightly. Nick is channeling his inner Lucifer. Dean is BACK BABY.

S14E03: Dean doesn't NOT like Sam's beard. Jack, Cas, and Dean reunite. Jack likes Disney confirmed. A girl asked Jack if Cas is his dad and he says Cas is one of his dads OMG OMG OMG. Jack is heartbroken he couldn't help the girl and Cas feels awful for him. Honestly Cas has been through so much lately and he didn't even get the chance to hug Dean when he came back. Jack saved Lora. Cas apologies to Jack. Bless Cas. He's a freaking Angel. Cas is so freaking adorable and he's such a dad for Jack and they're like hey dad hey son and omg omg omg gaaaaaaaaah they're adorable. He's making Jack SOUP. FREAKING SOUP. Something's wrong with Jack why are you coughing blood no no no no no bad blood.

S14E04: Dean likes horror movies now. Sam's beard is gone. Dean's inner fanboy is coming out. It's one of these episodes. Sam is so excited. Dean is fangirling. DEAN IS IN GLASSES PART 3 OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Fortnight has unfortunately bled into the Supernatural universe and we have to live with that fact now. Dean is, fortunately, a Zelda fan so we're good on that front. Sam is a nerd. Dean is concerned. Sam meets his female counterpart. Sam has trauma from Halloween. Dean wants to have Halloween with Sam so badly awwwww.

S14E05: Dean and Sam run into Bobby and Mary. Sam is nervous about talking to his mom about her dating life. Bobby and Mary are sort of a thing now and Dean is okay with that. He just wants his mom to be happy.

S14E06: Sam and Charlie are very awkward. Hooray. Jack is suffering because his coffee doesn't taste right. Sam looks so happy playing with a fidgetspiner. Jack and Dean are being Hunting Buddies ™. Jack just learned what courting before dating before sex is and Dean is not happy or comfortable about that conversation. Other Dimension Charlie had a love of her life but she died. Jack asks Dean about courting over pie and it's adorable. Dean says that when they get back to the bunker he'll give Jack the talk. Hooray! Jack and Dean play the "bad cop, hero saves the damsel" plan and it works fantastic. Jack calls Dean old and Dean looks so offended it actually hurt him OMG. Some girl has a crush on Jack now. Jack is very confused. Hunter!Jack is very awkward and adorable. Is Jack on a date? I think he's on a date. Is he even allowed to go on dates yet? Dean didn't give him the talk. Hm. What would Cas think? And Sam, Sam would be very confused about it too. Hm. Definitely sensing some romance in the air. Approving of that. Oh BOI SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Oh wait of course not Jack was raised by Cas who are we fooling of course he wanted to use the bathroom. Dean calls Jack and he's like "Hey so I'm pretty sure she's in love with me so tell me everything you know about sex. Go!" Dean is not having ANY OF THAT BS RN. Vans? Vans! Vans. Dear lord Jack should get an acting award *ba-dum-tss*. Dean be giving out relationship advice like he's some sort of expert when in reality his emotions are so constipated he needs to swallow Dulcolax to communicate with others. Jack has a crazy fan now. He follows in Sam's footsteps and got himself a Becky. Congrats? Jack is coughing again. And now he's bleeding from his nose. No. Nope. Not happening. Denial, ACTIVATE!

 S14E07: So... Nick is slowly losing it. Or very quickly losing it. Depends on how you look at it. Cas is watching over Jack and tries healing him. Jack is really bad shape. They take him to a hospital. Cas does NOT have time for bureaucracy. Three worried fathers watch as their kid suffers and it HURTTS. Jack's body is shutting down and they're suffering. Cas just gave Jack his trenchcoat so now we have a trenchcoatless Cas and a trenchcoated Jack. Rowena is BACK BABY. Jack meets Rowena. Cas is so ready to give his grace for Jack. Dean is taking Jack on a fun day. He's teaching Jack how to drive awwwww. Dean and Jack are awesome. Cas feels helpless. Cas calls Jack Sam, Dean, and his' son OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I'M HAVING A FUCKING SEIZURE. Jack and Dean are eating burgers on the impala and have fun. Meanwhile Nick is on hunt for his family's killer, being as adorable and questionable as ever. DEAN AND JACK ARE F***CKING FISHING. Jack wanted to go fishing because Dean said he went fishing with John and it was a happy memory for him and Jack considers Dean a father figure GAAAAAH IT HURTSSS. WHY IS JACK SO AT PEACE WITH DYING LIKE WHAT THE FRICK NOOOOO. AND WHY IS CAS DRIVING A TINY BLUE CAR WHO GAVE HIM PERMISSION TO BE ADORABLE. Do you ever wonder how many times a week Castiel thinks about the story Gabriel wrote on the walls of his bunker room about his time in Monte Carlo with the porn stars? He read the entire story, just summarised it for Sam. So he KNOWS everything. Things to wonder about. Nick is channeling his Lucifer or Lucifer is channeling his Nick they are one it's scary. Jack is being healed? Is he healed? He's HEALED. Jack is BACK BABY!!! Cas and Dean look so relieved. Wait why is he staggering. Why is he coughing. Cas is so pissed at the Shaman. CAS IS A PISSED OFF FATHER. CAS IS AMAZING. FREAKING DAD CAS FOR THE RESCUE. It feels like this is a setup for Lucifer to come back. Not sure how to feel about that. Um. Ummmm... Empty do your freaking job and keep him asleep. JACK IS DYING FREAKING KILL ME WHYYYY.

S14E08: Jack doesn't want them to be sad. Dean is not okay. None of them are okay. Cas is also worried about Dean. Jack is being optimistic about things and it hurts. WHAT. WHAT. HE CAN'T DIE. NO. NOOO. DEAN DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS NOOOO. CAS IS IN SO MUCH PAIN BUT HE'S STILL WORRYING ABOUT SAM AND DEAN OH MY GOD WHYYYYY. CAS WANTED JACK TO DIE A LONG TIME AFTER HIM. THEY'RE GETTING DRUNK TOGETHER TO DULL THE PAIN WOW THIS IS HURTING HAHAHA I'M NOT CRYING FUCK YOU MY EYES ARE LEAKING. THEY'RE EATING NOUGAT BARS THAT JACK LIKED. CAS DOESN'T EVEN EAT FOOD IT TASTE LIKE MOLECULES TO HIM. Jack is in Heaven but Empty is slowly taking over Heaven. Jack meets Kelly in Heaven. Kelly is so happy to see him until she realized he died. Anubis is an odd fellow. Cas is so happy seeing Cas again. And Kelly too. Empty has invaded Jack and Kelly's Heaven. Shit is about to go DOWN. Dean and Sam consider Jack their child. EMPTY IS HURTING CAS AND KELLY WHILE JACK IS WATCHING. CAS SAVE JACK. WAIT NO NOT LIKE THAT. DON'T YOU DARE. I WILL FUCKING END YOU EMPTY YOU SON OF A THING. CASTIEL HOW COULD YOU. Cas doesn't want Sam and Dean to worry. He says he's in peace with his decision. IN PEACE MY ASSBUTT! LISTEN HERE YOU EMOTIONALLY INCAPABLE ANGEL, YOU HAVE DONE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE EARTH. YOU SACRIFICED FROM YOURSELF THINGS OTHERS WOULDN'T EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE. YOU GAVE UP HEAVEN FOR SAM AND DEAN. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND THEN YOU MAKE A DEAL THAT THE SECOND YOU'RE HAPPY YOU'LL DIE??? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE??? In other news Jack and Kelly hugged and it was beautiful. Jack promises not to tell Sam and Dean about what Cas did. Jack is BACK BABY. Dean hugged Jack. Get the fuck away from Cas you Naomi Bitch. Jack is happy to eat burgers again. Is Jack wearing Dean's robe?

S14E09: Is this a Christmas episode? Why, I think it is. Hey look Michael is a woman now. Wait Garth NoooOOooo you can't do it. Oh wow he has a little girl now. Jack is guiltily eating cereal in the middle of the night and Cas catches him. Sam is apparently acting like a mom. Wow. Cas is being a sassy angel. Castiel likes the toys that come in the cereal box. OMG why are Jack and Cas so cute. Cas is happy Dean is feeling better but he feels guilty about lying to him about the deal. Jack is happy he can pick a lock now. HELP THEY KIDNAPPED JACK. FUCK YOU MICHAEL. Awww they're going on a family hunting trip! Team Free Will 2.0 VS Kansas City. Awww. *The hellish version of a Christmas song plays in the background*. JACK IS FUCKING SMILING. Okay so Michael I'm gonna need you to get out of Dean you sick son of a Chuck. 'Freaking ruined the Christmas episode.

S14E10: Awww they brought Pamela back! Also Dean owns a bar and he likes to flirt. He looks so happy owning a bar. Michael is sassy, and it's almost likeable. Probably because it's Dean's face. Michael is trying to get underneath Cas' skin and Cas looks so done with it. One of Dean's happy memories is the stripper case with Sam. FUCK MICHAEL. FUCK HIM SO HARD. HOW DARE HE. HE JUST SAID DEAN ONLY TOLERATES CAS BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE HE OWES HIM FOR HELL AND CAS HASN'T DONE ANYTHING FOR DEAN EVER SINCE. *Cue epic fight scene* Hey look Dean is a cage now. Cas is so worried about Jack's soul.

S14E11: Dean is acting suspiciously. Sam's aware he and Dean only hug if it's of the world I'm dyinggg. Sam likes gossiping apparently. Dean came to visit Mary awww. Dean is now a welding master. Well now Nick is being arrested by Donna and now Donna might be about to die and NOPE. Dean is being really sweet and it's freaking everyone out. Mary thinks Dean's adorable when he's sleeping. Nick is being creepy and kidnapping Mary. Nick without Lucifer is unlikeable at best. Mary keeps a severed head in a jar. Dean tells Sam he loves him.  He shows Sam a box he plans on being buried alive in the ocean with Michael inside of it and yeah so that's not happening.

S14E12: Dean has a nightmare about being stuck in his coffin forever. Sam calls Cas. Dean says he knows he wasn't the greatest brother for Sam and Sam has this 'WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL' look on his face because that is some grade A+ bullshit right there. Cas gets a call from Dean and he's so excited because he thinks Dean is giving up his plan but Dean tells him he's not so Cas is sad. Cas is so pissed at Dean. Dean and Cas have an argument/goodbye. Dean and Sam argue. It hurts. It hurts so much. He punched Dean and then he hugged him. He tells Sam and Cas he believes in them. In all of them. Oh well I guess that if Dean gets trapped in a box at least Cas will never be taken by the Empty since he'll never be happy HAHAHAHA KILL ME NOW.

S14E13: This episode is about the city the bunker's in OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Someone stole Baby. There's a kid who thinks they're serial killers, which they are, but not exactly. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. JOHN??? OF ALL THE PEOPLE, JOHN? WAS THAT EVEN AN OPTION??? WHAT THE FUCK???!!! MARY AND JOHN FINALLY SEE EACH OTHER AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. And  Sam and Dean witness it. Sam is very awkward with John. Oh wow. So, they pulled John out of 2003 and it has changed history and now Sam likes raw food and standing desks and runs a law firm and Dean is a murderer and thief with a price on his head. Hm. Zach and Cas are reunited as bad angels no no no no THIS IS BAD. OH WELL AT LEAST CAS DOESN'T UNDERSTAND POP CULTURE REFERENCES ANYMORE. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Cas is a killer now NoooOOooo. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Cas doesn't recognize Dean and Sam as his friends. Cas is beating up Dean and Sam. Noooo. This is weird. No. Nope. Not happening. Cue the awkwardness of a family dinner. When you remember that everyone at that table died at least once it's very very weird. A family who defied Death, God, the Darkness, Demons, Angels, Monsters, and a few nasty humans here and there. Wow. Dean actually has some self-love speech and it is amazing. The character development is just *chef's kiss*. Why is this so beautiful Sam stop crying you know it makes Dean cry and when Dean cries I cry stopp it.

S14E14: Family hunting trip time! Oh look Rowena is also there! Rowena has some sort of attraction to Cas and it's chilling. Cas and Dean are on some sort of a coffee date. Jack is coughing blood again. Someone stop it. Cas is worried about Dean. Dean is only honest with Cas awwwwwww. Cas asks Jack if he's fine. Cas worries about everyone but when will someone worry about Cas? Jack, Cas, and Dean look like two parents and a child. Jack asks what an AV club is and Cas explains and then Dean calls Cas a dork. They're adorable. Cas is a VERY serious FBI agent. Rowena and Sam need to act like a married couple and it's AMAZING. MORE. GIVE THE FANDOM MORE. Jack has suffered at the vet's office. The Gorgon is hitting on Cas. Wait till Dean hears about that. Cas has been paralyzed. Cas is worried about Dean. That's strike 2. Another moment of Cas being worried and someone is about to die. Cas explains to Jack about the fragility of humans and death and moving on which makes you believe he thought about a time when Dean and Sam die and he's left all alone and now I want to walk off a cliff. Michael is out. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. JACK CALLED HIMSELF A WINCHESTER OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Jack got his wings back!

S14E15: Jack is playing with his snake. Cas is worried about Jack. Dean is eating. Cas and Sam go on a case together [Poor Misha. Jared must've tortured him]. Cas with his pop culture references. The only thing good about episode 13 aside from some closure for the boys is that Cas lost his knowledge of pop culture. Cas sometimes looks at the Saturday Evening Post when Sam and Dean are asleep. They're very soothing. Sam and Cas walked into a town that seems stuck in the late ‘70s. Even Cas thinks it's weird. Sam looks happy drinking a milkshake. Cas pretends to drink cuz he doesn't eat. Cas has no social skills. Jack is trying to feed the snake. Dean likes bacon. Some woman checked Cas out. Cas reads a series of love letters between the victim and a milkshake serving a young woman. Cas is so done with people hitting on him. How Cas describes Sam "I'm looking for my partner. Tall man. Hair? He has beautiful hair." FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. SAM BECAME A PART OF THE WEIRD TOWN FUCK FUCK FUCK. HE'S WEARING GLASSES THIS IS FUCKING WEIRD. CAS IS SO SCARED AND CONFUSED. SOMEONE SAVE HIM AND SAM. Dean is terrified of the snake. Cas is angry. Cas is worried and understanding about how Sam feels. CAS JUST FUCKING TOLD A MAN HE'S NOT GOD BECAUSE GOD HAS A BEARD.

S14E16: JACK IS ADORABLE STAB ME IN THE GUT AND TWIST IT WHY IS HE SO ADORABLE. Jack is so awkward around other people. OMG WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT YOU FREAKING LOVEABLE DORK. JACK IS LIKE "WELL I'M TWO-TWENTY! I'M TWENTY-TWO!!!" Jack is so freaking happy hanging out with kids his "age". Oh no he's sad.

S14E17: There was supposed to be a family game night. Cas is meeting up with Anael [The fact that this is Daneel and Misha on the same set is amazing]. Nick is back and off his rocket. Anael and Cas discuss God. Jack is going dark side. Woops. Jack sweetheart you're worrying me. Jack what did you do. Jack?

S14E18: Jack what did you do to Mary. What did you do. This is very scary. Oh wait he KILLED HER. WOW. OKAY. HOW THE HELL DO YOU FIX THAT SHIT. DEAN WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM. SAM TOO. DEAN MIGHT TRY TO KILL HIM BUT THEN SAM WILL STOP HIM AND TELL JACK TO NEVER COME BACK AND CAS WOULD BE SO TORN BECAUSE HE PROMISED TO PROTECT JACK BUT HE KILLED MARY AND WOW THE WRITERS REALLY DUG DEEP WITH THIS ONE. Cas is remembering one of his first hunts with Mary. Did Dean just... Did he tell Cas that if Jack did something to Mary he's dead to him? I think he did. Huh. Welp, time to dig a hole in the ground, huddle into a fetus position and cry. Cas is not even mad. We are fine. Nothing is wrong. Oh wow what is this? A guilt trip down memory lane? Why are you hurting us by showing us all the nice missing moments between Mary and the rest? Is this fun for you you sadistic fucks? Jack needs a snickers. Mary is dead. Wow. Sam just stopped Cas from walking over to Dean. Wow.

S14E19: Dean gives a beautiful speech. Bobby is back. Cas is still protective of Cas. There's a lot of awkward silences between Dean and Cas. Made-up Lucifer is a dick. What do you mean Cas doesn't love Jack um hello? He gave away his chance at happiness for Jack. Fuck you Made-up Lucifer. Oh no. Dean is crying alone. Naomi Bitch Replacement is messing with Jack's head. Fuck her. A pillar of salt? Really?. Okay so Soulless Jack is horrible. I love him so much but he was already like a toddler playing with a bazooka. Now he's like a SADISTIC toddler playing with a bazooka with no soul. It really feels like Cas is the only one left with a sense of rationality. Cas is pissed at Sam and Dean for locking Jack up.

S14E20: So, Jack's pissed. Dean calls Jack a monster and I think why it bothered Castiel so much is because that would mean Castiel is a monster too. Chuck is BACK BABY AND OHHH BOI IS THIS A RIDE. Cas is so done. Dean smashes a guitar. Chuck and Dean yell at each other. Chuck is such a dork. Castiel is so pissed. Jack and Castiel reunite. Sam has a talk with Chuck. Chuck breaks the fourth wall. Dean is here to kill Jack. Cas doesn't want that. Dean and Jack are about to die. Jack is okay with that. Welp CHUCK IS HORRIBLE AND NOPE. DID CHUCK JUST KILL JACK. NO NO. CHUCK'S GONE DARK SIDE. No why is Jack dead. This isn't fair. 

S15:

S15E01: Cas does NOT like that a demon inside Jack's body. Chuck literally jump-started the apocalypse. Cas is not okay.

S15E02: You can't tell me that Cas telling Dean it wasn't all a lie isn't him telling Dean that what they have is real. WELCOME BACK KEVIN TRAN, ADVANCED PLACEMENT. Kevin is BACK BABY. God and Amara are being siblings. Rowena and Ketch together are very weird and Crowley will NOT approve.

S15E03: Rowena is awesome. Cas and the demon inside Jack are very... Iffy with each other. Belphegor is awesome. Cas literally just FUCKING PUSHED BELPHEGOR INTO HELL AND JUMPED AFTER HIM WITH A COMPLETE STRAIGHT FACE WOW HE IS SO DONE. Cas tells Belphegor that Jack is like a son to him. Cas is forced to sing a song to praise Lucifer. Shit is going down. Cas and Belphegor did NOT work out. Wait does that mean Cas will get stuck in hell. Oh fuck. Oh crap. This is bad. Why does Cas has to suffer so much? Whyyy. He never wanted anything special. Just to be with Jack, Sam, and Dean. He wanted to do good. Whyyyy. ROWENA NO. NOPE. NOPE. DON'T DO IT. SAM DOESN'T WANT TO. DON'T MAKE HIM. STOP IT. ROWENA NOOOO. ALSO CAS AND DEAN STOP FIGHTING IT'S BAD. UM, DEAN? IT'D BE GREATLY APPRECIATED IF YOU AND CAS WOULD STOP FIGHTING. IT'S SCARING THE CHILDREN AND MAKING THEM CRY. STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT! OH HEY I'M CRYING, WHAT A SURPRISE!

S15E04: Sam has a weird dream. Awesome fight scene though. Dean likes vegan bacon now. Or not. Wow Chuck might actually be afraid of Becky. Meeting Exes is awkward. CHUCK IS A DICK. BEING A WRITER DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO ABUSE OTHERS. FUCK YOU.

S15E05: Dean can't handle spicy jerky. Sam has bad dreams again. Um, Lilith's back? What? Is that a thing now? Wow.

S15E06: Cas is fishing now. He's also really sweet and cares about a guy who sells him fish bait. He also goes by Clearance like Meg used to call him, which is extra sweet. Cas is investigating stuff. Cas and Dean talk and Cas acts like a sassy toddler. Cas's powers are fading. Sam might have a small crush on the deaf hunter. Aww that's so nice. He saw she was naked so he turned away. Awww. What a gentleman. Dean raised you well. Dean doesn't know what's God and what's him.

S15E07: Sam and Eileen are definitely having fun, with margaritas and bacon. Dean refuses bacon, which leads us to believe he had truly given up on this world. Dean gets flirted with. Dean gets reunited with an old "friend". Sam and Eileen are AWKWARD AND DEAN IS TO BLAME BECAUSE HE'S THE ONE WHO TEASED SAM. OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE WATCHING TWO NERDS FALL IN LOVE WHAT THE HELL. IS THAT HOW SAM FEELS WHEN HE'S WATCHING DEAN AND CAS??? THAT'S TORTURE. WOW THEY ALMOST KISSED AND THEN CAS WALKED IN OMG IT IS LIKE SAM WITH DEAN AND CAS. Cas is so pissed with shamans. OMG OMG OMG DEAN IS ABOUT TO SING OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG WOW HE SINGS SO BEAUTIFULLY SOMEONE GET THAT MAN A CONTRACT HE'S SO HAPPY WHAT OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Cas became grade A at threatening people. Kudos. Dean loves Texas now. Cas and Dean are awkward. Ever remember season 1 where they found out demons existed and felt like they were in over their heads? Well now they want to fight God.

S15E08: Sam is being an overprotective boyfriend. He's so cute. Oh my god... Are they getting Adam out of the cage??? Is this happening??? I know the last season is supposed to sort of give closure to unfinished plotlines but if this really happening it's amazing. Rowena is BACK BABY. Rowena is FUCKING awesome. A real queen, if you will. Crowley would be proud. She's also gives Cas and Dean a quick couple's counseling session. Adam is out of hell. It happened. Dean so ships Eileen and Sam. Dean and Cas are AWKWARD. Michael is back. Michael and Cas talk. Cas channels his inner Lucifer. Cas and Dean FINALLY talk. CHUCK YOU FUCKING DICK GET AWAY FROM EILEEN SAM WAS FINALLY STARTING TO BE HAPPY. OMG OMG DEAN AND CAS ARE GOING TO PURGATORY??? Dean and Adam talk.

S15E09: Wow Chuck is so manipulative. Wow. Chuck is really unlikeable anymore. Woah, did Cas just call Dean stupid? Cas has SNAPPED. So happy Sam has Eileen now. Any girl that can be tied to a chair, deaf, and still kick ass and sass God in front of him deserves a Sam Winchester. Wow Sassy Cas really ain't taking Dean's BS today. Chuck is a sadistic fuck. Chuck has lost it. God Complex much? Dean and Cas are in purgatory. Getting the band back together and it feels good. Benny died. That's sad. Dean and Cas discuss the guilt. OMG WHAT HAPPENS TO CAS IN THE FUTURE??? HE GOT THE MARK AND WENT CRAZY??? AND DEAN HAD TO BURY HIM IN THE BOX??? DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THIS SHIT IS NOT CANON FANFICS CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP. HE LOOKS SO HEARTBROKEN. Meanwhile in Purgatory: Dean is looking for Cas who has disappeared and they need to go back soon and things are BAD with a capital everything. DEAN IS PRAYING TO CASTIEL OMG OMG OMG HE BARELY DID IT EVER SINCE PURGATORY ROUND 1. He admits he should've stopped Cas from leaving. He calls Cas his best friend AWWWWWWW. HE'S CRYING OH MY GOD. HE FORGAVE CAS!!! THIS IS SO CANON HDJCJRIHEISHS. OMG CAS IS OKAY AND THEY HUGGED DEAN LOOKS SO HAPPY FUCK THIS I'M CRYINGGGG. SAM AND DEAN BECAME MONSTERS??? FUCK THAT SHIT. CAS TAKES THE MARK OH NO I DON'T WANT HIM TO GO INSANE. Cas and Dean arrive at the casino. Save Sam!!! SAM, SAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAN? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. AWWWW SAM AND EILEEN KISSED AWWW. NOW WE NEED A CAS AND DEAN KISS AND WE'RE GOLDEN GUYS. LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN. I BELIEVE. Jack and Billy are BACK BABY.

S15E10: It seems like Sam and Dean lose luck. Baby shut down. Garth named his twins Sam... and Castiel. Dean is definitely not insulted. Garth is a dentist now. Dean is afraid of dentists. Dean has a dream where he and Garth are tap dancing in black and white. OH MY GOD GARTH WHAT DID YOU DO TO DEAN'S MOUTH. GARTH TOLD DEAN HE NEEDS TO GET A COLONOSCOPY AND I FREAKING DROPPED MY PHONE. CHUCK DOWNGRADED SAM AND DEAN TO NOT MAIN CHARACTERS AND NOW THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH NORMAL PEOPLE PROBLEMS HAHAHAHHAHA THIS IS AWESOME. DEAN IS HOLDING BABY CASTIEL AND HE'S LIKE "THIS CAS KEEPS LOOKING AT ME WEIRD" AND SAM ANSWERS "SO KINDA LIKE THE REAL CAS" AND THEY KNOW. Also Sam and Dean are holding babies and it's adorable.

S15E11: Cas comes back to find out Sam and Dean are going to Alaska. Cas gets a call about Jack related info. Ahem... Jack is BACK BABY! Cas is worried about Jack. Jack is tied up. Cas to the rescue! CAS AND JACK REUNITE. This is like the most interesting pool game ever. Dean and Sam's luck is BACK BABY. JACK AND SAM AND DEAN REUNITE.

S15E12: Cas is so happy Jack is back. Dean and Cas are best buddies. Cas and Jack play 4-in-a-row. Cas and Jody meet for the first time. Jack wants to help. Cas still cares a lot about Claire. Billy is PISSED.

S15E13: The recap starts with the pizza man montage, which is really the only way it could. Ruby and Anael are BACK BABY AND WELL IT IS AWESOME. [Just pointing out that the fact they brought both of Jensen and Jared's wives for this is amazing] also Cas has no chill with his sass. Cas wants to almost die and go to Empty to talk to Ruby. He gets into the Empty and runs into Empty-Meg and she called him Clearance awwww. Ruby is BACK BABY. Cas almost dies by the Empty. He comes back though. Otherworld Sam and Dean are terrifying. They seem... Okay, and it's horrible. Also they're spoiled. HELLHOUNDS BABY! Jack arrives at Eden. Jack is crying + he got his soul back!!!

S15E14: Supernatural is BACK BABY. JACK IS STILL DEPRESSED NOOOO. DEAN HAS SCOOBY-DOO UNDERTHINGS PASS IT ON. Dean and Sam meet Mrs. Butters. She's nice and she made Christmas and Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July and Halloween collide in the calendar. Jack is out of his room now. Oh hey Dean's actually trying to not be angry at Jack. They have a monster radar! Lunch bag, she pack them lunch bags I-. Jack is still being sad noo. She keeps giving him smoothies. It's weird. OMG SAM IS GOING ON A DATE WITH EILEEN THEY REALLY SAID SAILEEN RIGHTS. Oh wait. Oh fuck what the fuck why is she ripping his head off oh no Jack run. Oh fuck why is she an evil mastermind all of a sudden they were happy. DEAN GETS TRAPPED TOO. DEAN BEING A REAL BROTHER BEING LIKE "YEAH I CAN WAIT UNTIL MY BROTHER IS DONE GETTING LAID FOR HIM TO COME BACK AND RESCUE ME AND OUR CO-ANGEL-CHILD". Dean is really trying with Jack my heart wow. Ugh not again with Sam and the nails the waves of nausea are hitting me-. Oh no Mrs. Butters story is really sad I don't like the old MoL. Oh goodbye Mrs. B we'll miss you. Awww Jack honey of course you can kill Chuck here I'll do it for you you just eat your nougat bars. OH MY FUCKING GOD DEAN MADE JACK A BIRTHDAY CAKE I REPEAT HE MADE JACK A BIRTHDAY CAKE JACK IS FOUR NOW CELEBRATE WITH US ALL *HYPERVENTILATING HARD*. 10/10 episode would recommend with a side of angst.

S15E15: Cas is BACK BABY! Aww Jack wants to wear matching ties. Awwwww. Sam and Dean are going after Amara. Good luck with that. Oh a church case for Cas? A little on the nose there. Oh wow this is getting dark. Aww Jack doesn't want to say something so Cas talks about himself instead. God I love them. Cas is amazing. I love him so much. Jack too. Meanwhile, Sam and Dean are eating with Amara lunch. Crossroads demons are out of fashion, as per told by Rowena, the Queen of us all. Jack needs Cas' permission to create a social media account. Even the internet knows to give Cas cats. God bless the internet. Oh my god Dean and Amara talked and wow it was deep. Amara's intentions with Mary were... Wow. Poor Dean though. Wow Cas and Jack can't catch a break. Oh god Jack was stabbed he's okay but we're not okay what the hell. Once again, we are reminded that against regular humans Cas is a freaking supernatural creature with super strength and the wrath of heaven. Hey wait why does the crossroad demon look like he’s kidnapping this girl? Oh well guess we'll never find out. JACK IS GOING TO DIE? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK BILLIE??? WHO AUTHORIZED THIS SHIT? HE NEEDS A PARENT OR A GUARDIAN'S PERMISSION!!! Cas not wanting to see Jack die again is hurting me. What do you mean it's not his choice Jack go to your room you're grounded until they kill Chuck. Cas um where are you going?? What do you mean in case you won't come back? Are you going where I think you're going? You better stay the FUCK away from the Empty or I swear to all that is sacred (the impala, Sam and Dean's flannel, Led Zeppelin) that I will cry. What do Sam and Dean need to know??? What is this shit????? I WILL SUE!!!!!

S15E16: Hey is he going to get killed? Called it! Hey Dean darling how about you let Sam know about Jack? Any minute now honey? No don't you fucking- Dean! Hey it's tiny Sam and Dean look at them awww. Hey Caitlin seems nice. Woah weird monster in the candy machine alert! Dean why are you so depressing this episode??? Sam being in the dark hurts me. Um Dean? What have you got there buddy? Is that a knife? Put the knife down, Dean put the knife down this isn't funny- oh thank god Sam Dean almost fillet-ed himself. Tiny Dean being scared but also macho aww. It's a Baba Yaga? A Baba FREAKIN Yaga? Wow. Omg Dean's face when he heard the woman having sex is priceless. He really grew up. Good on him. Caitlin you majestic being you managed to have Dean admit his fear wow Dean honey am I proud of you. Aww Sam is trying to call Cas. Um... Dean? OMG OMG ARE YOU TELLING HIM? YASSS SAMMY GO OFF. DEAN FUCK OFF JACK IS NOT DYING ON MY WATCH. OMG THE SILENCE. WOW.

S15E17: This starts with Amara. What a queen. I really like her now.  She can cut me with her cheekbones. Look at her. Wow. She's so pretty. Cas is there! Sam is giving Dean the silent treatment. Yeah Dean is talking depressing. AHHH AMARA IS HERE. Jack meets Amara awww. Yes I want them to spend time together YESSS. Amara and Dean are like that couple that didn't work out because they figured they'd be better as friends and it's so nice to see them. Sam is amazing wowwww. Dean WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST- WHAT DO YOU MEANT JACK ISN'T FAMILY YOU- UMM WAIT IS JACK- NOOOOOOOO!!!!! OWW MY FEELINGS. Jack looks so sad nooo. Cas is there Cas make it better. Aww Amara with a flower. Chuck is back... Yay. Lol Chuck didn't write the Dean/Amara debacle and he thinks it's weird that's amazing. Amara is amazing. Amara trying to make Chuck not act like a spoiled brat wow this is hard. I hate him with passion. AMARA YASS QUEEN GO OFFFFF. HOLD HIM. Jack you shouldn't UNDERSTAND HIM you should be PISSED. HE DID THE HELLO AJAJAGDVSHA. OH.MY.GOD I LOVE ADAM AND SERAFINA SOMEONE HUG THEM. Jack has a skittles aura wow. The final ritual, the ROCKS. Adam looks so relieved that Jack got it. OH I DID NOT NEED TO SEE HER DIGGING INTO HIS RIBS. Dean whatcha doing there buddy? Aww he thanked him!!! I still don't forgive what he said though. IT'S TIME??? IT'S TIME BABY. SAM BEING FRUSTRATED AND CAS HELPING AWWW. They found the key, HOORAH! Cas awww thank you for helping Sam. Sam no don't go alone. Empty is Meg now waaaaaht. BILLIE WANTS WHAT NOW??? Sam lying Through His Teeth to the Empty the man is a LEGEND. No Cas it's not time we need to stop this. Dean, Dean you're scaring me. Cas being angry at Jack eating the ribs the angel is legendary. Chuck you sick sick bastard what did you do you FUCKER??? AMARA STOP IT. DEAN WHAT THE HELL YOU DO NOT PULL A GUN AT YOUR BROTHER WHO THE FUCK- WHAT THE FUCK- CAS DO SOMETHINGGGG NO STOP HURTING EACH OTHER. STOP IT. CHUCK YOU SHUT THE HELL UP. DEAN STOP IT STOP THE VIOLENCE. YESS SAM TELL HIM. FUCK YOU CHUCK. AMARA NOOO. DEAN OH MY GOD NO. SAM IT'S BREAKING MY HEART. NOOOO AMARA NOOO. CHUCK NEEDS TO DIE BUT NOT LIKE THIS. OMG SAM NOOO. DEAN YESSS PUT THE GUN DOWN. FUCK YOU CHUCK. OH YOU CAN GO SUCK A DICK DON'T YOU EVER, EVER CALL CAS THAT. OMG CAS IS LITERALLY THE EMBODIMENT OF FREE WILL DID NOT EXPECT THAT. FUCK YOU CHUCK. OMG JACK NOOOO.

S15E18: DEAR LORD SOMEONE SAVE JACK HE CAN'T DIE NO NO NOPE NOT HAPPENING. Jack this is very sweet but they will NOT leave you. Billie not now. Yeah Dean tell her. Yass dads go OFF. WHERE IS JACK WHAT DID YOU DO BILLIE??? THE EMPTY??? NO DON'T DON'T DO THIS. JACK? JACK NO? JACK???? FUCK YOU BILLIE BRING HIM BACK. Oh you can go fuck yourself for all I care this is SO NOT THE TIME FOR THE BOOK. Yes Sam go OFF. Cas you really shouldn't be talking about the Empty. Isn't this episode when the deal goes down? Fuck you Billie you lost my respect. OMG JACK YOU'RE OKAY THANK GOD. Um... Empty? You okay there? Damn Sam being sassy. AND THEN HE GOES TO SIT IN THE CORNER HAHAHAHA. Yes Dean tell her. Did she just shush him? Empty ma gurl you good? Um, Billie? What's interesting? Jack's back BABY! He is not yours. Yes Dean go OFFF. CAS BEING A DAD. Aww Dean and Sam having a talk yes I'm so proud of my expressive babies. They be talking. Um, what new plan? What changed? Oh who this? Charlie is BACK BABY! YASSS MY QUEEN. Aww is that her gf? It's her gf. Oh okay where's her fucking gf??? Jack are you okay? Cas is worrying aww. Nothing's over Jack you're just three you have tons ahead of you. Dear lord Cas are you listening to yourself this is what you need to tell yourself OH MY GOD I'M BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL UGHHHH. Billie you're being a dick stop it.  Crap everyone's disappearing. WAIT EILEEN? NO NO NO NO YOU WILL NOT DO THIS TO ME. EILLEN IS GOING TO BE FINE. WHERE ARE THE THREE DOTS? WHY AREN'T THEY THERE??? DRIVE FASTER DEAN!!! Why is the car empty? Where is she? Sam? Aww the screensaver. FUCK. SHE'S GONE. SAM? YOU OKAY? OH GOD BILLIE FUCK YOU LOOK WHAT YOU DID. NOOO. So Dean is going to kill Death again? Neat. Um Cas? I'm all for spending time with Dean but I'm worried. Aww Dean and Sam hugged. Oh hey Donna! (Is it me or is her accent off?) Jack is silent. Jack is driving. I'm so proud of him aww. Damn the badass music is awesome. Dean with the scythe is awesome. Look at that power couple. Aww Sam and Donna hugged that's cute. Let's go. Oh hey Charlie how are you? Bobby is BACK BABY. Bobby is awesome. Um Jack? How come that plant just died??? Sneaking into Death Library because those two are idiots. Oh hey splitting up is a great idea. Hi Billie, how are you? KILL 'EM DEAN. CAS ATTACK! BILLIE YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE RIGHT NOW. FUCK YOU BILLIE. DO IT DEAN KILL THEM. WAIT WHAT? Billie didn't kill them? Who did? CHUCK? THAT MOTHER FUCKER I WILL MURDER HIM. OH GOD PEOPLE ARE DISAPPEARING. WHERE ARE THEY? WAIT, NO, NOT CHARLIE NOOO. BOBBY? NO NOT BOBBY!!! DONNA? DONNA WHAT'S HAPPENING??? DONNA? NOOO!!! Oh Billie's dead now great. You can't kill Dean though. Run you two RUN. Run like hell run. Dean? Fuck. Billie leave him ALONE. FUCK FUCK RUN AWAY. BILLIE SHUT UP THIS IS A CRISIS. CAS PROTECT DEAN. PROTECT HIM LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. YES YOU GOT HIM. FUCK YOU BILLIE FUCK YOU SO HARD. INTO THE DUNGEON. CAS REACHING INTO DEAN'S BACK POCKET AND CUTTING HIMSELF WHY??? OKAY SIGIL. SIGILS ARE NICE. OKAY GOOD DEAN IS OKAY. Dean you're being depressed this isn't helping. Billie enough of the banging. Dean you're not angry enough with this you're good. Yeah fuck Chuck but that's not the point. Dean noo. Cas do somethingggg. Dean it's okay. It's not your fault. Um Cas? What's that? Wait, the deal? Now, you're doing this now? UM, WHAT? WHAT'S HAPPENING? YEAH WHY NOW? YOU'RE LOOKING AT YOUR TRUE HAPPINESS DUMMY. IS, IS HE- WHAT'S HE DOING??? KNOW WHAT? AWWW LOOK AT HIS REVELATIONS. YEAH WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? CAS? UM. UM???!!! YES CAS TELL HIM TELL HIM HOW YOU SEE HIM THIS IS AMAZING THIS IS EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED. MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST. I CAN'T BREATHE I CAN'T BREATHE I CAN'T BREATHE. WHY ARE YOU CRYING NOOOO. CHANGED??? WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHAT'S HAPPENING SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING??? IT'S NOT A GOODBYE SHUT UP. D- DID HE JUST. DID HE JUST SAY- DID HE JUST SAY I- HE TOLD DEAN I LOVE YOU???!!! IS THIS A DREAM??? IS THIS REAL LIFE? WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHY ARE YOU CRYING??! I'M SCARED WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW???? "don't do this"??? DON'T DO THIS??? WHAT DO YOU MEEEAANN??? WAIT EMPTY BACK OFF NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THE HAND ON THE SHOULDER THE HANDPRINT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. FUCK THIS NO I'M NOT OKAY THIS ISN'T HAPPENING NOOO. CAAAAAAAAS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! DEAN? DEAN DO SOMETHING?? DEAN WHAT'S HAPPENING??? WAIT WHERE IS EVERYONE? IS IT THE WHOLE WORLD? DEAN? DEAN? SAM IS CALLING YOU? DEAN? ARE YOU CRYING? YOU CAN'T CRY OTHERWISE I'LL CRY NO NO NO NO NO THIS IS FUCKING BAD.

S15E19: alright, the world is empty. Oh no Dean is coming to meet up with Sam and Jack no no this is bad the jacket. "Where's Cas?" I- DEAN OH MY GOD NOOO. OH NO JODY AND THE GIRLS NOO EVERYBODY'S GONE. Jack calling out for his dad my heart hurts no. Dean this is not the time for a beer. UH SAM NO YOU'RE NOT GIVING UP NUH-UH NOPE NOT TODAY. UM SAM, DEAN? YOU'RE NOT SACRIFICING YOURSELVES WHAT THE HELL NO. GOD I HATE CHUCK SOMEONE DESTROY HIM. SHOOT HIM IN THE GODDAMN CHEST, PLEASE. Side note: how cute is Jack in his jammies? Okay back to angst. Dean stop falling asleep on bottles. Jack? What's up honey? Aww cuteness overload from the jammies. Aww Dean found a dog look how happy he is OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG LOOK AT HIS FACE AWWW AHHHH HE'S SO EXCITED. OH MY FUCKING GOD KILL CHUCK KILL HIM I WANT HIM TO BURN ALIVE OH MY GOD PUNCH HIM. Oh hey Michael long time no see? What's up? Tis a shame about Adam, truly. Oh the book? Hey I love how Jack is just off to the side, eating a nougat bar. Hey are they gonna talk now? Oh wow. Um, Cas? How are you calling? I HAVE A REALLY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS. OH MY GOD WATCH DEAN RUN. FUCK IT'S LUCIFER. WHAT DOES HE WANT. LEAVE. LEAVE. THE EMPTY LET YOU OUT AND NOT CAS? BITCH. LUCIFER YOU ARE NOT PART OF THE TEAM. Oh who that lady? Betty. Oh hi Betty. I like Betty. She makes me laugh. Lucifer building a house of cards. Jack you okay buddy? Oh hey Michael. Nobody trust Lucifer. Ohhhh how does God end? Um Lucifer? What are you doing? Why does this entire episode feel off? Wait, Chuck pulled him out? Gross. Kill him. LUCIFER LEAVE JACK ALONE. He will NEVER BE WITH YOU LUCIFER. YEAH STAB HIM GOOD MICHAEL. Jack you seem... Off? Michael you seem off. No question mark. Michael why you lying. Oh yay Sam cracked it. Hey you know the lake reminds me of where Jack was born. Oh yeah, doing spell stuff. Very badass. Um. What happened? Oh fuck. Oh fuck. CHUCK. KILL HIM. BREAK HIM. SAM, DEAN, NOOOO. MICHAEL YOU SON OF A BITCH. OH HE DED. RIP. CHUCK YOU STUPID BASTARD. What now Chuck? Gonna go kick puppies? Oh wait, you already DID. DAMN SAM I'M PROUD OF YOU. OH CHUCK DON'T YOU DARE. NO. NO. OW. NO. NO THIS IS HORRIBLE. THIS IS AWFUL. STOP IT. STOP HURTING THEM. NO. NO. HEY DOES ANYBODY FEEL A WEIRD DÉJÀ VU? LIKE, DIDN'T BECKY MENTION IT? "No classic rock, no Cas"? OH MY GOD THIS IS CHUCK'S ENDING. THE ENDING HE WROTE. FUCK. THE META. IT'S DEEP. NO STOP IT. STOP HURTING HIM. OH MY GOD OWWWW. OH PLEASE CHUCK THEY'LL NEVER STAY DOWN. SHUT THE FUCK UP CHUCK. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU SO HARD. IT IS NOT ENOUGH. FUCK YOU. YEAH SAM HELP DEAN UP. YEAH YOU WON. LOOK AT JACK ALL CUTE IN HIS WHITE SHIRT. Jack you look nice. Is that a new haircut? HAHA Chuck you can't do anything. YESSS!!!!! FUCK YEAH JACK YESS YOU DO THAT YESS I'M SO PROUD. I'M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU. OF ALL OF YOU. FUCK YES. Wait the book is blank? Wah- oh my god it's monologue time, bitch. I love this plan. It's awesome. Oh so that's what happened to Jack. They tricked you Chuck. Punched you right in your stupid face. METAPHORICALLY. They're not going to kill you. They're better than that. You fucker. Dean's no killer you fucker. Neither is Sam. Oh. Oh yes. OH YESS. THEY'RE WALKING AWAY. THIS IS BETTER THAN I'VE EVER HOPED. I'M SO SO PROUD OF THEM. DEAN SAYS THAT'S NOT WHO HE IS HE LISTENED TO CAS OH MY GOD. I'M SO PROUD OF THEM ALL. MY HEART CAN'T HANDLE IT. OH MY GOD. OH YESS LEAVE HIM TO ROT IN THE DIRT. YESSS. YESSS. YESSSSS!!!!! I'M SO SO SO FUCKING PROUD OF THEM ALL HOLY SHIT THEY DID THE GROWTH THING OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT. YEAH CHUCK THEY LEFT YOU, DEAL WITH IT. YES. I'M SO HAPPY. Aww is Jack going to bring everyone back? *Gasp* is he going to bring Cas back? Are we getting a reunion? OH MY GOD THE MUSIC IS SO NICE. JACK LOOKS SO AMAZING. THE PEOPLE ARE BACK!!! LOOK AT JACK SMILING ALL IN PEACE I'M SO PROUD OF HIM. I'M SO, SO PROUD OF HIM. HE GETS IT. HE GETS THE BEAUTY IN HUMANITY AND IN EARTH. IS JACK THE NEW GOD NOW? DEAN AND SAM ARE SO PROUD OF HIM. OH MY GOD IS JACK NOT COMING BACK? WHAT? WHY? Jack I just want you to know I love you so much. You're so smart and understanding and caring. You're better than God. You're Jack. Dean I know it's hard but Jack knows what he's doing. Jack understands faith. He understands family. He understands love. He understands. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM NOOO DON'T LEAVE ME I MEAN I'M SO PROUD OF YOU BUT NOOO MY BABY YOU'RE A BABY AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE ONE YES. Sam and Dean, alone at the bunker. I'm so proud of them. They've come such a long way ever since the start. They get to be free now. But they're alone. Not for long. Next episode, everyone is coming back.  OH NO THE TABLE. THE FUCKING TABLE. NO NO NO THEY WROTE JACK AND CASTIEL I CAN'T HANDLE IT SOMEONE HOLD ME. LOOK AT THEM DRIVING MY BABIES A MONTAGE OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING THE TEARS NO THEY LOOK SO HAPPY THIS ISN'T GOOD FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH. OH THE FAMILY DINNER. THE COWBOY HATS. THIS ID NOT OKAY. THE DINNER WITH TEAM FREE WILL 2.0 THIS HAS BEEN AMAZING I LOVE EVERYTHING. 

 S15E20 will be posted a few days after the episode!

[septembersghost]

If you're not tired of me yet, I've a few thigs to add about a recent post where you and anon were discussing the relationship between Jimmy and Chuck, and, although Chuck was abusive to Jimmy and it was a bad relationship, there still were great and loving moments. It reminded me of a phrase (and a song!) of Damien Rice (his other song I've already mentioned in another ask in relation to Kim and Jimmy).

 So, he was performing "Rootless Tree" (and the title alone I find a VERY fitting metaphor for Jimmy and Chuck's relationship, a tree, this powerful symbol, which could be beautiful and green and full of life, now lies bare, rotten, leafless, with torn out roots, like a lifeless ghost of a past) and he said these great words: he used to think that people were like this field of grass, and when you walk across the field, the grass goes down, but the next day it's gonna go back up, and he thought "it was possible to push boundaries". But then, he said, he'd realized that:

"People are like grass, and when you walk across the grass too many times... it doesn't grow back".

It's Chuck and Jimmy, right? I think they both thought so as well, they both hurt each other. Chuck started it, thinking he was right, thinking Jimmy would get over it, Jimmy would forgive, that he could reject Jimmy and kick him down, keep "pushing boundaries" and the "grass" would just pop back up, and Jimmy tried to forgive him at first, but then he got pushed and "walked across" so many times he pushed right back. In the end, it was a vicious circle of them both betraying each other and hurting each other and kicking each other down, all the while feeling like their broken relationship could be mended... sometime. But the grass doesn't grow back.

And then Chuck died because he lost everything, and Jimmy stayed in this vicious circle of hell, haunted by his ghost, because nothing could be changed now.

The song is so perfect for them. I feel like it encapsulates Jimmy's state of mind, the hurt, the anger, the undeniable love, but also a sense of betrayal, rejection and loss.

"Fuck you and all we've been through / I said leave it, if it's nothing to you".

("But the truth is, you've never mattered all that much to me").

"And if you hate me / Then hate me so good / That you can let me out / Let me out of this hell when you're around".

Because it was an abusive relationship, it was hell (for Jimmy especially) to try so hard to make his brother proud, to win his love, only to be rejected again. But without Chuck around it's worse, because it means the rift between them can't be fixed. Chuck may be gone but his ghost is still here, and the weight of all they've been through "leans on [Jimmy] like a rootless tree."

"We fake, we fuss and fracture the times / We go blind when we've needed to see / And it leans on me like a rootless tree".

The live performance itself is here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-F8iL1Q6png  This is so incredibly powerful, I get shivers each time I listen.

(Also, now that I think of it, it reminds me of Jesse and Walt relationship too, and how abusive Walt was. The parallels in this universe are insane).

never <3

one of the hardest things about a relationship like that is how the good moments begin to feel convincing, making you think the bad things can be overcome, and then retreading that ground over and over again (we always have the same conversation). when you trample the ground enough times, nothing can grow. they don't plant anything new there, they only keep running back and forth, tearing it up underneath them. we want to believe something broken always has the possibility to be fixed, but they'd gotten to a point far beyond that, where the shattered parts could never fit together again. (mixing metaphors there, but you get what i mean.) and then there's that heavy symbolism of burning the ruin down. jimmy can never heal that ground, but some part of him is always walking over it.

it's also tied into that "you say i killed you, haunt me then!" (in a familial rather than romantic sense) - being so mired in the loss and the hell that you'd rather be haunted, rather keep opening the wound.

"killers reinvent and believe"/"let me out of this hell when you're around" is also VERY walt and jesse, tragically. power and control warping the landscape, ripping it up and leaving ashes.

[dclphinedupont]

*CRIES IN WITCHCRAFT*

Hello everyone! My name is Ange and this is my chaotic-good lil bean, Delphine! Phi for short. She’s the receptionist at Thane Auto and is a whole entire mess! But she means well. She likes puppies, vegetables and warding off the demonic spirits of the underworld! All in colorful corduroy. 

Below you will find her hastily put together and recycled bio! Please love her! 

* in character information

full character name:

delphine “phi” dupont

face claim:

lucy boynton

pronouns & sexuality:

she/her and bisexual

biography bullet points

her fondest memories were composed of moments heavy with cigarette smoke, bright purple nail-polish, the scent of burning sage and the beatles. her parents were big on that whole aesthetic, and phi loved everything about it. she remembers sitting on her father’s lap as her mother danced in the middle of their living room to “yellow submarine”, skirts swooshing against her legs, smile bright and wide against the candlelight. her father would wrap his fully tattooed arms around her and laugh full and loud and she would feel safe. she would feel loved. she would feel happy. that was home.

her parents were good people with bad habits, that was how she liked to describe them.

“keep the car door locked, phi. open it only when you see us.” her mother would tell her, hands on both sides of her face as her father jimmied the lock off the door of a particularly large house. phi would nod and smile in obedience before watching her parents tip-toe up the cobblestone pathway of other people’s homes, coming back with sacks upon sacks of shiny objects that phi wasn’t allowed to touch. then they would drive away and head home, “hey jude” playing softly on the radio.  

her parents get caught when she’s around thirteen years old. she’ll never forget the look on her father’s face as he’s forced to the ground by men with guns, her mother screaming for them not to take her daughter. “she didn’t do anything! she didn’t know anything!” it echoed in her head like a broken record, throat raw as she tried to claw her way to get to them, only to have to watch them leave her behind on the back of a squad car. that was the day her world went off kilter.

she doesn’t do well in foster care. they call her ‘the runner’ because she always manages to wiggle her way past her foster guardians to visit her parents in jail. time after time, she would find them, talk to them, beg them to take her home because she didn’t like her ‘new parents’. there was always something wrong with them. they didn’t like beatles. they took away all her healing crystals. they wouldn’t let her dye her hair. “they aren’t you…” she just wanted to go home.

she gets adopted at fourteen, and she’s almost positive the walters see her as more of a pet than a daughter. they’re blonde, just like her, and she thinks they’ve adopted her mostly because she looks good with the rest of their perfectly pristine furniture. she hates them almost immediately, but they’re definitely her ticket out of foster care, so she rides it out for a while. they take her ‘home’ and they’re probably the blandest people she’s ever met. the antithesis of her true parents. her hatred for them grows, and she doesn’t even feel bad for pocketing whatever valuable item she might find.  

by the time she’s eighteen, she saves up (steals) enough money to pay for a terrific lawyer for her parents. she hasn’t seen them as much as before, but god she’s so close to getting them out, getting them home. she’s sure they wouldn’t mind that it’s been only a few months since her last visit. they’ll forgive her. they always do. she makes her way to where they’re being held with high hopes and a warm heart. she leaves with mascara running down her cheeks and trembling legs, escorted by more than a few police officers, reminiscent of the day they took her parents away from her.

death penalty is legal in about thirty states. south carolina is one of them.

she runs away not too long after. she has more than enough money to get her by for a few more months, but by the time she gets to louisiana, she only has enough money to pay rent for another two. she pokes her nose into a couple of job openings, attempts to waitress for a bit (she ends up being fired on account of burning some customers with spilled coffee) and tries her hand at retail (she gets caught stealing a few earrings), before finally making her way to the front desk of an auto-shop that may grows to be her saving grace.

for the first time in a long time… she doesn’t want to run away.

her fondest memories were still heavy with cigarette smoke, and painted nails (her own, long and noisy against counter tops). they let her play the beatles and they don’t take away her sage, and things… things are good. now though, there’s the sound of loud motorcycles revving and the nose-wrinkling scent of wax. there’s nights spent guarding the door and the clinking of glasses swimming with whiskey… and it was home… it was now her home.

character traits:

( + ) eccentric - if there was one thing her parents have ingrained in her system, it was that individuality should be a pillar trait in one’s psyche. be colorful, be loud, be you. go against the grain and make sure people knew who you were while you did it. phi was more than happy to comply, of course. from her fashion, to her mannerisms, to her beliefs, there was not an inch of conformity to be found if she could help it. she enjoyed bright colors and long nails, ostentatious outfits and odd knick-knacks. also, prepare to be blessed with sage when you enter the auto-shop, she has a few rolls hidden under her plants.

( + ) charming - she flourishes at the front desk for a reason. she’s a tad bit of a talker, but surprisingly not the obnoxious kind. when you’re in foster care, you tend to meet a lot of people, take notice of their ticks and understand how to read them. because of this, she adapts herself to each person, tickling every nerve for easy charming. when asked how she does it so effortlessly, she jokes that she’s cast a spell on the free mints she gives them.

( + ) cunning - you don’t get away with stealing from your adoptive family for two years without having a little meat up in that old noggin. phi lacked many things. she wasn’t the strongest, wasn’t the best at school, wasn’t the prettiest, but if there was one thing she knew how to do, it was slither her way through situations in a very machiavellian fashion. be wary of her smile, for it holds more than mirth on many occasions.

( - ) reckless - despite her skill in evading trouble, she does little to avoid it altogether. she’s more than reckless with her decisions. she enjoys to steal when upset with someone, and she does so without thinking of the consequences. her decisions are made almost purely out of emotion and she sees no reason to change that part of herself. it gets her into more trouble than you would think, and sometimes her smile won’t get her out of it.

( - ) tactless - what gets her in trouble most of the time is her tongue. why? she can never seem to hold it. what comes into mind is exactly what she says, and it doesn’t matter who she’s talking to. whatever authority you might have, she doesn’t feel the need to put a filter, and that more than anything may lead to her demise if not careful.

( - ) manipulative - she knows how to play people, knows how to be the puppet-master when no one expects it from her. she hides behind sweet smiles and carefully picked words, and most of the time, her dirty work is done by someone else because of a quick kiss and a flutter of her eye-lashes.

[thesetales-archive4]

what song do you associate with each muse?

okay so this took me forever lol, and i didn’t do it for ardyn, hannibal or blaine bc i ended up getting tired of looking for songs, but... here you go. i also put the parts of the lyrics to each song that i associate with each muse underneath the cut, for those who might be interested in why i picked the songs i picked. anyways, here goes:

ARTHUR FLECK:  smile - jimmy duranteJOHN DOE:  down with the sickness - disturbedJACE HUNTER:  monster you made me - pop evilJOHN WINCHESTER:  hurt - johnny cashNEGAN:  hail to the king - avenged sevenfoldEDWARD NYGMA:  numb - the cover version by jonathan youngJAMES GORDON:  healing begins - tenth avenue northHARLEY QUINN:  i’m gonna show you crazy - bebe rexhaSEAN MACGUIRE:  my old man - zac brown bandARTHUR MORGAN:  running gun - marty robbinsDAMON SALVATORE:  whiskey fever - dorothy   

ARTHUR FLECK:  smile - jimmy durante

smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breakingwhen there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by. if you smile through your fear and sorrow. smile, and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through, for you. light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness, although a tear may be ever so near. that's the time you must keep on trying. smile, what's the use of crying? you'll find that life is still worth while, if you just smile.

JOHN DOE:  down with the sickness - disturbed

it seems what's left of my human side is  slowly changing in me (will you give in to me?) looking at my own reflection, when suddenly it changes, violently it changes. there is no turning back now, you'vewoken up the demon in me. 

get up, come on get down with the sickness, open up your hate, andlet it flow into me. get up, come on get down with the sickness. madness is the gift, that has been given to me. 

i can see inside you, the sickness is rising, don't try to deny what you feel (will you give in to me?) it seems that all that was good has died, and is decaying in me.

JACE HUNTER:  monster you made me - pop evil

take a good look at me now, do you still recognize me? am i so different inside? this world is trying to change me. and i admit i don't want to change with it, and i admit i can't go on like this anymoreerase this monster i've become. forgive me for all the damage done. it's not over, say it's not over. i'm begging for mercy, i’monly the monster you made me.i'm better alone now. see i'm torn from my mistakes. and i stop believing that i could ever make things change. how much can i take, when i know that it hurts you? how long can i wait, when icant go on like this anymore?because who i am isn't who i used to be. and i'm not invincible,i'm not indestructible. i'm only human. can't you see the beauty in me?take a good look at me now, can't you see i've changed?

JOHN WINCHESTER:  hurt - johnny cash

i hurt myself today, to see if i still feeli focus on the pain, the only thing that's realthe needle tears a hole, the old familiar stingtry to kill it all away, but i remember everything

what have i become, my sweetest friendeveryone i know, goes away in the endand you could have it all, my empire of dirti will let you down, i will make you hurt

NEGAN:  hail to the king - a7x

watch your tongue or have it cut from your head. save your life by keeping whispers unsaid. children roam the streets now orphans of war. bodies hanging in the streets to adore. royal flames will carve a path in chaos, bringing daylight to the night. death is riding in to town with armor. they come to take all your rights.

hail to the king, hail to the one. kneel to the crown, stand in the sun. hail to the king.

blood is spilled while holding keys to the throne. born again but it’s too late to atone. no mercy from the edge of the blade. dare escape and learn the price to be paid. let the water flow in shades of red now. arrows black out all the light. death is riding in to town with armor. they come to grant you your rights.

there's a taste of fear, when the henchmen call. iron fist to tame them iron fist to claim it all

EDWARD NYGMA:  numb - linkin park cover by jonathan young

i'm tired of being what you want me to be, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. don't know what you're expecting of meput under the pressure of walking in your shoes. every step that i take is another mistake to you

i've become so numb, i can't feel you there. become so tired, so much more aware, i'm becoming this. all i want to do, is be more like me and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me. holding too tightly, afraid to lose control? 'cause everything that you thought i would be has fallen apart right in front of you. every step that I take is another mistake to you. and every second I waste is more than I can take

and i know i may end up failing too. but i know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

JAMES GORDON:  healing begins - tenth avenue north.

so you thought you had to keep this up. all the work that you doso we think that you're good. and you can't believe it's not enough.all the walls you built up are just glass on the outside

so let 'em fall down. there's freedom waiting in the sound, when you let your walls fall to the ground, we're here now

this is where the healing begins, oh this is where the healing starts.when you come to where you're broken, within the light meets the dark.

afraid to let your secrets out. everything that you hide can comecrashing through the door now. but too scared to face all your fear, so you hide, but you find that the shame won't disappear

sparks will fly as grace collides with the dark inside of us. so please don't fight this coming light. the light meets the dark.

HARLEY QUINN:  i’m gonna show you crazy - bebe rexha

there's a war inside my head, sometimes i wish that i was dead.i'm broken, so i called this therapist and she said, "girl, you can't be fixed, just take this"i'm tired of trying to be normal, i'm always over-thinking. i'm driving myself crazy. so what if i'm fucking crazy?

and i don't need your quick fix. i don't want your prescriptions. just'cause you say i'm crazy, so what if i'm fucking crazy? yeah, i’m gonna show youloco, maniac, sick bitch, psychopath, yeah, i'm gonna show you, i’mgonna show you. yeah, i'm gonna show you mental out my brain, bat shit, go insane, yeah, i'm gonna show you

i've been searching city streets trying to find the missing piece like you said. and i searched hard only to find there's not a single thing that's wrong with my mind.

SEAN MACGUIRE:  my old man - zac brown band

he was a giant when i was just a kid. i was always tryingto do everything he did. i can still remember every lesson he taught me, growing up learning how to be like my old man

he was a lion, we were our father's pride, but i was defiant, when he made me walk the line. he knew how to lift me up, and when to let me fall. looking back, he always had a planmy old man, my old man

feel the callous on his hands and dusty overalls. my old man, now i finally understand i have a lot  to learn from my old man.

my old man, i know one day we'll meet again, as he's looking down. my old man, i hope he's proud of who i ami'm trying to fill the boot of my old man. my old man

ARTHUR MORGAN:  running gun - marty robbins

i rode out of kansas city, going, south to mexico. i was, running dodging danger, left the girl that i loved so. far behind lay kansas city and the past that i had earned. twenty notches on my six gun marked the lessons i had learned. 

many times i sold my fast gun for a place to lay my head. till the nights began to haunt me by the men that i lay dead. couldn't stand it any longer with the life that i'd begun, so I, said good-bye to jeannie and became a running gun. i rode into amarillo as the sun sank in the west, my thoughts in kansas city and the girl that i love best. as i smiled and kissed her gently and then turned around to go, said i'd send for her to meet me when i reached old mexico. i had barely left the saddle and my foot just touched the ground, when a cold voice from the shadows told me not to turn around.said he knew about my fast gun, knew the price paid by the law. challenged by a bounty hunter, so i turned around to draw. 

i knew someday i'd meet him for his hand like lightning flashed, my own gun stayed in leather as his bullet tore it's path. as my strength was slowly fading, i could see him walk away, and i knew that where i lie today, he too must lie some day. now my strength is slowly fading and my eyes are growing dim, and my thoughts return to jeannie and the home that we had planned. oh please tell her won't you mister that she's still the only one, but a woman's love is wasted when she loves a running gun.

DAMON SALVATORE:  whiskey fever - dorothy

woah mama don't you leave me alone, no tellin' what i'll do on my own. woah mama there's a pit in my soul, so deep i gotta fill it up now, fill it up now, fill it up now.whiskey whiskey whiskey fever, you're my evil, you're my evilwhiskey whiskey whiskey fever, you're my evil, you're my evil love

woah mama can't you say that i'm wrong, bad habits been busting my bones. hell mama’s gonna swallow me whole, god knows i gotta fill it up now, fill it up now, fill it up now.

[salmonthestoryteller]

A Wild Salmon Appears… with More Theories

I have to be honest, there were only a few moments that shocked me in 1x13.  The first watch through I felt like it maybe hadn't fully lived up to the hype, except for a few moments.  But now I think it was more that so much went on, I needed to digest it.  And rewatch it, because of course I did.  Which leads us where it's lead me all season - wildly speculating on unanswered questions.

Say, are you the kind of kind of kid that reads the last page of the mystery first? That sneaks downstairs to peak at his Christmas presents? No, of course you're not.  That's why I'm not gonna spoiler you…

Except I am if you keep reading. (And, yes, btw, all my strange spoiler warnings do come from old movies and TV shows that I’ve altered to fit.)

Let’s start with Maria’s necklace. I’m going to put it out there now - I think Maria is part alien.  I’m not sure if MImi is a survivor of the crash, or if the grandmother was.  Still deciding on that one.  Maria and her mother are the only representative we’ve seen of humans having powers - even the woman on the reservation that died when the Pod Squad emerged was an alien.  Also note, thanks to Jenna’s date rape drug detecting nail polish, that Liz never checked Maria’s cells.  Maria said her mother told her that the necklace protected them from evil.  That at her graduation “she took it off her neck and put it on me.” After that at some point would be when Mimi’s mind started deteriorating.  Which brings me to theory number two.

Jesse mentioned that Valenti wanted to shut down Caulfield.  (I am deeply relieved to hear that, as once again that puts Jim Valenti back on the good side.  I really like Valenti from everything we’ve heard.  I didn’t want him to be evil.)  I’m going to go back to my briefly mentioned theory about Valenti helping aliens escape Caulfield.  First, it would explain the detox bunker - yes, Rosa apparently used it, but it certainly was already around.   If he was helping aliens escape from Caulfield he would need a place for them to stay and recover - the bunker. It might explain a few of his “affairs” - they weren’t really affairs.  They were the aliens he was helping get away.  (Which would explain Mimi’s two very different remarks on him.  First saying “poor sweet Jimmy Valenti”, but quickly switching to disgust and saying he had affairs and someone should tell his wife as her mind switched between years.)

But Jim couldn’t have run such an operation alone.  He couldn’t be with the aliens all the time without raising suspicions. He would also need help - which is where I think Mimi comes in.  I think she was the one who was helping him sneak aliens out.  Remember she mentions “they’ve been living among us for years”, and - in her sane moments - does not seem to view aliens as a threat.  Admonishing Maria for “being a downer” when she says the aliens aren’t coming.  If Mimi’s necklace protected her from the powers of the aliens she was helping Jim Valenti get out, then if she continued after Maria’s graduation - after giving up the necklace - then one of the final rescued prisoner’s powers could have damaged her mind.

Going even further back, I actually have an even wilder theory.  Perhaps originally, and why they were good friends until later in their lives, Jesse was also on board with “rescue the aliens”.  It may have been something he and Jim originally did together, against their family’s work.  Mimi mentioned she knew the day he changed.  His aura grew dark.  If I remember right, among the photos Jesse first shows Kyle, is a picture of Kyle’s grandfather dead from an alien handprint.  Maybe they accidentally rescued the stow away, who promptly killed Valenti’s father.  Where Jim saw it as one bad egg, the incident turned Jesse’s beliefs around and that’s when he viewed the aliens as a threat.  Perhaps the stow away, like Noah, even spoke of this Alighting.  Of them coming.  Which is why Jesse believes so strongly in a coming alien invasion.  It still makes him an evil asshole, but it would explain so much about his whole obsession.

Alternatively, and in the whole other direction, maybe Valenti flat out didn’t find out about Caulfield til after Rosa’s death.  The moment he did, he started petitioning to have it shut down - which is when Jesse killed him.

Jesse has a prototype alien killing bomb.  Who here doesn’t think that’s going to come into play in second season?  While Flint doesn’t seem as evil as Jesse, he’s still dedicated to hunting aliens, and firmly believes they are a threat.

Okay, I am sticking by my theory about excess or negative energies affecting the alien Psyche.  Because after absorbing lightning and killing Noah, Max was acting way out of it.  From healing Michael’s hands despite his protest - that scene made me very uncomfortable, but I think it’s supposed to - to jumping into talking about raising Rosa from the dead.  Like, whoa, this was the guy who always wanted normal.  Suddenly he’s all about using his powers, talking about how they should try to expand what powers they have, and bringing the dead back to life.  This is not the Max we’re quite used to here.  Max has always been a bit overbearing, and I have plenty of conflicted feelings about his character, but I don’t think he’d have ever ignored Michael’s protests if in the right state of mind.  I don’t think he’d have tried to raise Rosa from the dead in the right mind either.  Noah mentioned killing made them feel like Gods - and in that moment Max was definitely living up to that assessment.  I won’t go into details again - please see the previous post for that - I just feel that it’s further proof of the theory.

It also plays into my final theories.  Max won’t stay dead.  (We all know that, but hey, just saying.)  The question for me, even more than how is he being brought back, is who is being brought back.  Is he going to go back to acting like Max?  Or is he going to still be high-on-power Max?  Noah said that they were Ophiuchus - he and Max.  Man and Snake as one.  That kind of scares me for what we’ll see out of Max. Are we heading toward a Max goes dark plot?  Is Noah riding shotgun in Max’s brain?  Or, will the release of power from resurrecting Rosa return him to normal but have consequences on his abilities and health moving forward?

It’s interesting to note where we end Season One at in regards to the Pod Squad’s ideas about their powers and alien heritage.  We start season one with both Max and Isobel set on living their lives normally, with no use of their powers.  Neither seem interested in finding out about where they came from or why they’re here.  On the reverse side, we see Michael use his powers left and right.  (He literally passes Liz vials with it in 1x09, and opens a drawer with it for Isobel in 1x10.  The drawer was right next to him.  Seriously, Michael?)  Michael is also obsessed with finding out who they are, and has been secretly reconstructing their spaceship.  In 1x09 Michael points out Max never wants to talk about their past or where they’re from.  As the season progresses, though, Max gets more and more invested in where they’re from and what his tattoo means.  Meanwhile, Isobel - who hasn’t used her powers in years - begins to use them more and more.  We end Season One with Max literally acting high and wanting them to use and explore their powers, and no longer seemingly concerned about secrecy (to the point of bringing the dead back to life), while Isobel is the first to decide she has to try expanding to a different power.  Meanwhile Michael, having discovered and lost his mother and learning their home is a war zone, has decided he wants to pursue a normal life in Roswell.  It’s basically a complete reversal of where we began.  I am interested in seeing how this develops in Season Two.

[bourbonboredom]

Bachelorette Party II

This was originally going to be a one shot, then I realized I’m basically incapable of keeping things brief.

A ClydexReader fanfic

Part I  Part II   Part III

Summary: You’re back in Boone County for the first time in seven years. Your best friend from high school is getting married and you wouldn’t miss it for the world. On her last night of freedom, the bachelorette drags her bridal party to Duck Tape as a final stop on their bar crawl. It’s under the dimmed lights that you see your high school friend/high school crush, Clyde Logan. Is it fate? Or is your friend just trying to set you up?

Word Count: 3,204

Warnings: drinking, cursing

@a-whole-damn-sackler​ @sadsexvibes @ladygrey03​ 

You spent the next thirty minutes stealing glances at Clyde. You tried to be present at the table and be apart of the bachelorette activities but you were having trouble focusing. Sarah hip-checked you out of one of your space-outs and motioned to the tray of empty shot glasses in front of them.

“Hey can you grab us another round?” she asked.

“Are you making me get it on purpose?” you ask back. You were aware of her intentions now, and were a little more cautious.

“Absolutely,” she said, “You keep lookin’ that way, you might as well go over there,”

You shot her a look, but you knew you’d been caught. She gave you a look back, and you knew she wasn’t gonna let you go on this one. You flipped her off as you walked away, making her and the other girls laugh behind you.

You approached the bar slowly, the deafening music proving no match for the sound of your heart beating in your ears. This was stupid, why were you acting like this? It’s just Clyde. He’s the same kid who had you pull a crawfish off his nose when he held it too close to his face and it pinched him. He’s a dumb boy who you had a dumb crush on. This was fine, you were fine. Just be cool.

You walked to where you stood before, feeling a little more put-together. Jimmy was still sitting on his stool, nursing a new beer. Clyde stood behind the bar chatting with him. They both looked up as you drew near, Jimmy smiled and Clyde’s face was, well, unreadable.

“Back so soon?” Jimmy asked.

“Sarah sent me up for another round, whiskey this time,”

“On it, I’ll be back in a sec,” Clyde said as he went to retrieve a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“He hasn’t been able to stop looking at you all night,” Jimmy leaned over to whisper in your ear. “He’s havin’ a hard time bartendin’, I watched him almost flood the counter with seltzer a minute ago,”

“You’re an awful brother,” you roll your eyes. He just laughed.

“Am I? Would an awful brother tell you he had the biggest damn crush on you in high school?”

Your eyebrows shot up and he took your stunned silence as a signal to keep talking.

“I spent years trying to get him to ask you out. He never did it obviously, he’s too stubborn for his own damn good,”

“You’re crazy,” Jimmy had to be wrong. Clyde never did anything to indicate he liked you.

“He’d kill me if he knew I told you but he has a stack of letters he wanted to send to you when he was serving but never got up the nerve to actually do it. I found them in his pack when he came home,”

This was all too much. This couldn’t be true. But before you had the chance to ask him anything else Clyde was back with a new bottle of whiskey.

“Jimmy what’re you tellin’ her,” his look was dangerous, not that his brother seemed to care.

“Were just catchin’ up, you worry too much Clyde. I gotta head out actually, gotta pick up Sadie in the mornin’,” he said his goodbyes and patted his brothers arm as he got up.

His metal arm.

You can’t believe you didn’t notice until now, it’s kind of hard to miss.

“Clyde, your arm,” you said softly.

“It’s nothin’,” he said, pouring the shots. He worked with his good arm, trying to keep the robotic hand out of view.

“That don’t look like nothin’,” you noted. “Was this overseas? How long ago did it happen?”

“About five years ago now, right as I was gettin’ out of my last tour. They did a trans-radial amputation. This prosthetic is newer. I had a standard plastic one, but was lucky enough to be upgraded to this one. It can grab on to stuff, so it’s closer to havin’ my hand back. I got it probably a year and a few months ago,”

You felt a wave of shame wash over you. How could you not know about this? Sure, you fell out of touch but this was literally life-changing. Your friend lost his arm and you were so busy doing whatever that you didn’t even know. Nothing in college or at work could have trumped this, you felt like you let him down.

“I’m so sorry Clyde, that must have been so painful to go through,” his eyes caught yours as you spoke, flitting away a moment later to focus on the bottle of Jack. “I should have been there for you,”

“It wasn’t your fault. And you were busy with school, I wasn’t gonna bother you. It did hurt but I’m better now. The doctor’s said I healed near perfect and I got this fancy arm,”

“I would have dropped everything to come see you if I knew,”

“I know, that’s why I didn’t tell you. You got out of this town, I wasn’t gonna have you comin’ back on account of me gettin’ hurt,”

You looked at him, at a loss for words. He purposely didn’t tell you because he knew you, and how you’d react. Part of you wanted to be mad, but the other part understood. You were overwhelmed with emotion. You wanted the counter separating the two of you to disappear so you could hold him close. You settled on reaching across the bar to hold his good hand in yours. He looked taken aback at first, but gave you a gentle squeeze when he saw the look in your eye.

“Don’t be worryin’ about me, you’re supposed to be partyin’ tonight,”

“I’d rather talk to you,” the words came out of your mouth before you could stop them.

“Go, we’ll catch up later,” he gave a small smile that made your heart skip a beat.

You took the tray of shots and headed back to your table. Except it was empty now. You looked around for Sarah and the rest of the bridal party, but they were nowhere to be found. Still carrying the tray of shots, you headed outside to call her. It was colder now and you crossed your arms across your body in an attempt to keep warm.

She picked up on the third ring and you immediately heard a chorus of laughter in the background.

“Hey girl!” her voice came.

“Sarah, where did y’all go I can’t find anyone at the bar,”

“Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry! A few of the girls got real sick and we had to take ‘em home right away! And you were talkin’ to Clyde and I didn’t want to disturb you because you looked so happy!” your stomach formed a huge knot. This was the damn country, there weren’t any ubers or taxis around and Sarah’s parent’s house was a few exits down the highway. It was much too far to walk back.

“So whats the plan then?” you tried not to grit your teeth as you spoke.

“Well, my sister and law and I and come back and get you but it might be a bit. One of the girls threw up in the car and we wanna get it out as fast as possible. You could ask Clyde for a ride home, maybe? I don’t think he could say no to you,”

Ah, there it was. This was probably not an accident. Sarah liked to try to set you up. You thought it was just her taking you here but you realized she’d planned a little further than that.

“Oh! And I left my card at the bar, can you close my tab and stuff?”

You stop for a beat and smile to yourself. You had your own plan now. If she was gonna play this game with you, you were gonna change a few of the rules.

“Sure thing babe, I’ll ask if Clyde can help me out, I’ll be home soon hopefully,” your tone dripped like honey, a rare occasion for you. Sarah was too drunk to notice though and just said her goodbyes.

You hung up and let out a loud sigh. It was almost three in the morning now, way too late for this shit. Way too early too. You headed back into the bar and back over to Clyde. Duck Tape was rather empty at this point, the crowded dance floor had cleared out and your friend was closing out the last few tabs for the night.

“Hey, didya find your friends?” he asked.

“They had to run home for an emergency, so I’m kinda stuck here for a bit,” she settled on telling half of the truth.

“Do you need a ride? I’m pretty much done here, I can take you home if you want,”

“Thats sweet of you, I’d appreciate that. But no need to rush, I don’t want to keep you from your job,”

He stepped away from the cash register and put both arms on the bar counter on either side of yours. He towered over you, his long locks threatening to fall in his face as he spoke softly.

“Darlin’, I’m the owner. I can do whatever I want,” he said as he stared into your eyes with a small smile.

You knew he didn’t mean it like that, but fuck you felt heat pool in your stomach with those words. He’d never called you by a pet name before. You didn’t know if that was something he just said when talking to girls, or if it was just for you but you wanted to be the only girl he’d call darlin’ ever again. You mustered a nod in response and sat on a stool to wait.

“Sarah, um, left her card here. She wanted me to close out her tab,” you mentioned.

“Sure thing, I kept the card but I wasn’t gonna charge her for anything,” he passed the plastic your way. Before he could turn around, you tapped his shoulder with it.

“Actually,” you started. “She said I could get myself something for the trouble. Would you wanna stop by the Exxon station and get some junk food? For old times’ sake?”

He smiled for the second time that night, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Only if we can get Slushies,”

—————————

The two of you practically bought out the gas station using Sarah’s card.  M&Ms, chips, twinkies, cookies, candy bars, and of course, slushies. You don’t remember when it started, but buying gas station junk food was kind of a thing between you and Clyde. When one of you was having a bad day, you’d both go to the Exxon by the high school and buy as much crap as possible. Slushies were always a must, no matter the weather. Red for you and blue for him.

Since there wasn’t anywhere for you to sit at the gas station except the pavement, you’d accepted his invitation of going to his trailer. He’d noticed you were starting to shiver as you walked through the store and he offered you his coat that he kept in the back seat.

You sat in the passenger seat of his car as you drove down the highway. You were the only car on the road, something Clyde told you he was used to. He worked weird hours because of the bar, and was fine staying up with you. You snuggled further into his coat as you listened to him talk. It was much too large for you, but you didn’t mind. It was warm and smelled like him. 

His trailer was just off a main road, tucked in the trees. He told you about how he lived with Jimmy for a while after he and Bobbi Jo divorced and after Clyde’s medical discharge. They never really said it out loud, but they needed each other back then. Now, Jimmy moved to be closer to his daughter and he’s been seeing this girl so he’s all set. And Clyde has the bar, and he’s saved up “a lil bit of cash” so he figured he should get his own place. It looked modest enough from the outside, just a standard trailer.

When he took you inside though, it was a far cry from anything she’d seen in Boone County before. It was clearly new, with no wear and tear in sight. It had a decent sized kitchen, with an even bigger living area. A tv was mounted on the wall in between two large built-in bookcases that were filled with books.

He always did like his books, you thought.

You could only imagine what the rest of the place looked like. You were kind of surprised he could afford this, the bar must be doing really well.

“This place is gorgeous,” you tell him, “did you decorate this yourself?”

“Mellie helped a lot, she’s better with that stuff than I am. I chose the bookshelf though, wanted to have a place to put everything,” He stood next to you, watching you look around.

“Well it looks great, I bet girls love coming over here,” your cheeks heated as you realize what you had just said to him, you turned away to focus on drinking your slushie, trying to use the cheery-flavored ice to cool down.

You didn’t notice as a blush spread across his cheeks. He was thankful for the hair covering his ears because he could feel them burning.

“I don’t get too many girls coming here. Or any, really,” he said.

“I find that very hard to believe,” you tease him. Your mouth was clearly on auto pilot and you decided to just roll with it. “A handsome guy like you? You mean picking up women at the bar is harder when you’re the owner?”

“I don’t know about all that,” his face was getting pink.

“About what?”

“Bein’ handsome. That’s not somethin’ people really think,”

“They’re idiots then,” you say, meeting his gaze. He gave a half-smile, cheeks getting a little pinker.

“Come on, lets sit down and eat all this junk,” Clyde said. You knew he was just changing the subject but you didn’t mind much. He’d always been bad at accepting compliments.

You sat down a respectable distance away and poured out the contents of the gas station bag on the table. You grabbed a pack of m&m’s while he grabbed a Twinkie and you sat in silence for a moment, reminiscing.

“So what’re you up to these days?” He finally asked.

“Nothing exciting really, I got a job in my field of study and have been working there for about four years now. I’m up north now, not too far from where I went to college,”

“That’s nice, I’m glad you’re doin’ well,” he paused for a moment, clearing his throat. “Are you seein’ anyone?”

“Not at the moment no. My last relationship was kinda... intense so I’ve been taking it too slow,” you explain.

“Intense?”

“Well, there was talk of marriage and I thought I wanted that at first, but the person I was seeing was pressuring me and I wasn’t really comfortable with it. And then i found out they were cheating on me and it kinda fell apart from there,” you tried to drown the bitter taste in your mouth with more chocolate, it was kinda working.

“You got cheated on?”

“Yeah, it’s shitty, but at least I didn’t marry them. I got out while it was still relatively easy to. It’s harder once there’s a ring and a wedding involved.”

“I suppose so, and I’m glad you aren’t with them. They don’t deserve you,”

“Thanks,” you mumble, cheeks heating. “I think being at Sarah’s wedding is helping me not be so bitter about it all, her and her fiancé really love each other,”

“That’s good to hear. It’s a shame she had to run off like that, I hope those girls are feelin’ better,”

“Actually,” you press your fingers to your temple, in disbelief that you’re actually going to tell him her plan. “I kinda think she did it on purpose,”

“She’d leave you behind on purpose?” he asked, clearly confused.

“I think she’s got bride brain, she’s too obsessed with love right now. It’s embarrassing...” you start, figuring out if you really wanted to tell him this. “...but I had a crush on you in high school. And I think she thought it’d be a good idea to try and set me up with you because of it,”

He was silent, brow furrowed as he studied you. You didn’t know whether to look at him or not, your gaze flicked between your lap and his face. Suddenly you weren’t so sure of what Jimmy had told you. Maybe he’d just been pulling your leg. Maybe he didn’t really feel the same way and this was all a cruel joke.

“I–it’s stupid, I know. That was like ten years ago, it’s not really helpful to tell you now and Sarah’s clearly out of her damn mind and–”

“I had a crush on you too,” he rushed to say.

Your eyes shot to his. He was picking at the slushie cup in his grip.

“I didn’t know you felt the same, I thought you just wanted to be friends so I never brought it up. And then when i went to the army and you kept sending me letters about how much you missed me and I thought maybe I had a chance.

"I was gonna tell you. I wrote letters where I was gonna tell you when I was afraid I might not make it back. But I never got up the nerve to send them. And when you came and visited me between tours, you were seeing someone else. I didn’t want to come between you. So I stopped writing as much,”

You had no idea he felt that way.

“I wanted to be with you,” you said quietly. He almost missed it. So you spoke again, louder. “They didn’t mean anything, i broke up with them as soon as we got back to school. I— thought I was over you but then hanging out with you that week just brought everything back. I wanted to be with you, Clyde,”

“And now?” he asked, his tone almost ghostly.

“Now…” you swallowed, his dark eyes felt like they were going to swallow you whole as he waited for your answer. “I walked into that bar tonight, saw you, and knew nothing had changed for me—”

His lips were on yours in an instant. You were shocked at first, barely registering what happened. This was something you’d only dreamt of, and now here he was, kissing you like you were the only thing that mattered in the world. Your hands tangled tentatively in his dark curls, something you’d been longing to touch all night. He leaned into your touch, deepening the kiss. He broke it when he needed air, chest rising and falling lightly as he looked at you.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since I was 16,” he said.

“I’ve been wanting you to do that since I was 16,” you smiled, pulling him back in.