#it can't possibly be worth it...
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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Hey I've just remembered that consistency is something that doesn't work for me and trying to retain a semblance of consistency chasing that ideal of a so called 'good' and 'better' way to live is actively causing me harm and literally is not worth it. The most consistent time in my life was the best because I let myself be inconsistent on every single thing and didn't keep fighting a sleep pattern that I know I can't beat backwards, and let move on its own. I passed my first year of uni like that. Tumbled out of uni on the second because I kept. Fucking. Fighting. This endless. Losing. Battle.
This is just me complaining about how I have to keep learning to live my life in a way that works for me. But I suppose this is a reminder to you guys that aiming for a better way of life is best done one your own terms and working with yourself, not against yourself.
Great life advice? Maybe! Not lived long enough to know lmao but I know forcing myself to be a specific way despite knowing what I know about the struggles those cause isn't fucking worth it if it hurts me more than when I didn't.
#it can't possibly be worth it...#firefly life#like!!! why should i have to be consistent on everyone ELSE'S terms???#why isn't it enough to be consistent on MY terms??#fuck this shit.#literally best year of my life was that first year of uni#i only had to be in the lessons like... three or four days a week??#I'd miss entire weeks becuase of my inconsistency and never put a full one in ever i don't think#i wasn't tracking#and i still passed with flying colours!!#because i worked with it!!#i let myself sleep when i needed to sleep!!!#i went out and did shit!!! so long as I'd done what needed to be done#it didn't matter!!!#if time vanished on me?? it was fine!! i could just join the lesson at lunch!!!#if i slept through the alarm and then brain fogged for hours?#that's okay. so long as i know what to study later and what assignments need doing#I'm fine#and that fucking#IMPROVED my self control.#AND my life.#why i stopped doing that is fucking#BEYOND me man
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Tim unconsciously sending/showing signals of his feelings for Lucy
#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#jesuis-assez edits: chenford multi#Or rather Tim's body responding to what his mind has not yet caught up with and his actions showing/ revealing#his feelings in full display. Or rather Tim's mind suppressing what he doesn't want to acknowledge#Tim closing the door to the possibility of having developed feelings for Lucy while she was his rookie or rather ..#Tim not thinking of Lucy in that light as she was his rookie but feeling so much for her and not understanding what he was feeling.#Because this is uncharted territory for him. This feels different. What he feels for her and what she has given him.#Or rather Tim needing to be in control and how he couldn't control his heart letting Lucy in.#Or rather allowing Lucy to take space in his heart gradually until she covers it completely with her love and kindness#and not realising just how deeply he had fallen for her. How she came to be this important person in his orbit#How she came in his life and changed it for the better. How she was his rookie and his friend and how this one person could mean so much#and how he can't bare to lose her.#How little control he had over how he feels for her and how he came to accept and embrace that#how the entire foundation they built was worth risking and exploring to him#because how could something so beautiful not be?#*takes a breath * ok. I wish I could convey all of this more eloquently but my brain is just not having it.
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The danger of marrying a massive service sub is that sometimes he'll get his wires crossed.
But Jean's got things well managed.
#scott summers#cyclops#jean grey#phoenix#that man can't top a pool deck#return of a classic#actually the story this came from is something else - possibly worth its own meta#but sometimes I like to repost old scans so I can make fun of this man to a new audience
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Red Trillium starting to bloom :)
#been nervous about this particular patch because we had some pretty bad storms last summer with a lot of downed trees#and once the trail had been cleared quite a few of these guys were crushed/uprooted. but the patch looks great!!#dozens and dozens and dozens along the stream and creeping up the hillside.#anyway if you'd seen the fuckass position i was in taking this you would've said tumblr user greycatbird this can't possibly be worth it.#well it was. anything for trillium go my trillium. my favorite native woodland wildflower.#flowers#red trillium#spring#nature#original photography#nature photography#mine
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I actually don't have any sense to what extent "male loneliness" is a real problem, like if the social trends being described are real and if they're especially bad for men, but it is annoying to me about how kneejerk a lot of the conversation is around it. Bc let's be real, there is a specific type of person who is ideologically committed to rejecting the suggestion that any kind of social problem is worse for men, and even if it is, thinks talking about it is with that framing means Letting MRAs Win, which is very tedious
#Possibly I am being naive here and this is something that is not reasonable to believe is a Thing#The data could be based on low-quality studies or could be misrepresented by the press#And people could be ignoring flaws they'd otherwise overlook bc it accords with their preconceptions or political agenda#Many such cases#And it could also be worth pointing out that even if the social problems described are likely real#The conversation is driven by a lot of people who are using it to argue for ends that a progressive person should object to#But I haven't looked into it#And the “noooo you can't say male loneliness epidemic” responses I've seen#Have not been super enlightening#I do not think that if men are especially more likely to be friendless or lonely or w/e#This implies that any particular policy counter to women's interests is the best way to handle this#And I resent the “oh you think men have it worse in this regard? like some kind of MRA?” rhetorical move#Because there are some actual social problems or adverse situations that happen to affect men more than they affect women#And believing this does not mean you think ~feminism has gone too far~ and ~now men are oppressed~#Or that there are no social problems that disproportionately affect women#Or whatever else#I used to have this kneejerk ideological thing going on so I guarantee it's part of it for at least some of the people#Obviously if they manage to generate a good argument for why we shouldn't believe in a “male loneliness epidemic” it could still be valuabl#Even if it's ideologically motivated
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Me: "Murderbot starts tomorrow. Can't wait. Gotta think about something else."
Sidebar Ad: *selling shoes*
Me: "Oh wow, those look like something they'd wear on Preservation!"
(They really do.)
#you can't tell me I'm wrong#Murderbot#shoes#also FYI our TV broke on Tuesday night#spontaneously; the backlight strip that makes it possible to see the LEDs stopped working#so on Wednesday I contacted repair shops and electronics stores and umpteen billion websites#and found that it wasn't worth the money to fix#when there was a new one of a similar kind at a discount nearby#the same store recycles old TVs#so we swapped them out#and now there's a shiny new one mostly installed correctly#the screws for the wall mount are too long#but we'll get new ones soon#and most importantly it WORKS#so we can watch Murderbot tomorrow#aaaaaaaaaa#gonna be gone all day today#so glad we got that fixed#unrelated: I'll be wearing my 'ART sent me' hat today#maybe I'll wear my Sanctuary Moon shirt too
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Yami Marik, I'm holding your hand as I say this; that dragon looks more like a chicken than anything else
#i think the head is supposed to resemble a falcon but paired with the chunky body it looks like a chicken#and not even a normal chicken it looks like those broiler chicken pumped with hormones and chemcals to make them fatter and grow up quicker#so this is a psa to buy local meats if possible as those have lower chances of containing hormones and chemicals#if you can't buy local then yolo this world is not that worth it anyway#winged dragon of ra#yami marik#marik ishtar#yugioh#cide watches yugioh#cide watches yugioh dm#yugioh dm#yugioh duel monsters
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i've been beset by sudden and intense baby fever but for adopting a cat. i need to adopt a cat so badly you guys.
#if i lived in a pet-friendly rental i can't promise i wouldn't be out there this very afternoon#hitting up shelters like okay what you got for me.#i'm a GROWN ADULT with a STABLE JOB i deserve to have a little animal in my house if i want one!!!#tbh i could possibly talk my landlord into it... i expect i'd have to pay extra for my rent but it might be worth it#the girl living downstairs for a while last year had two dogs so clearly pets aren't completely out of the question.
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tbh I think dimitri calling sylvain an older brother figure in the jp version of the game says a lot more about dimitri than it does sylvain…
#dimitri ‘glenn was about my age and my best friend and my step mother was always kind to me’ blaiddyd#i guess i'm still on about this#as a related aside:#i always took sylvain calling felix’s past behavior ‘cute… like a little brother’ as more of a jab than a genuine lament#sylvain knows felix too well for it to be anything else#‘cute’ and ‘little brother’ are just two of felix's big red buttons that sylvain can push when he wants to be an ass#and he does in that support--because felix saying they’re only friends because of their parents actually really gets to sylvain#family to sylvain is an obligation that you don’t get a say in#at this point in the game he is struggling SO hard with accepting the life that someone else has planned out for him#simply because of the blood that runs through his veins#but he gets a say in being friends with felix and ingrid and dimitri#and i think that distinction would be really important to him#if barely-hanging-in-there-dimitri wants to imprint on sylvain like a traumatized baby duckling now that glenn's dead#well--that's a dimitri problem i think#honestly what does IS think a big brother figure is? someone to look up to as an example? to go to for support when you have problems?#because at the start of the game sylvain can't be EITHER of these things to anyone#sylvain's trying to fix problems by redirecting anger onto himself - he's lightening the mood with jokes that make people want to punch him#he's possibly even dying for them on the battlefield#he absolutely cares about them! but he doesn't want to be a brother. he wants to be a friend. that they intentionally chose.#what little self worth he has kind of hinges on it#what do i know though#whatever people can have their own thoughts and opinions i'm not actually saying 'we can't be friends if you don't think like me'#but i clearly feel strongly about this#rambling character thoughts
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#there is.... a StinkTM in the apartment building#that I'm pretty sure is coming from something left in the communal fridge in the kitchen#possibly by someone who moved out hdfhgdf so there's no chance of guilting them into cleaning it out themself#and like. I don't want to be the one to do it 😭 but it's starting to get to the point where I can smell it from my second floor apt#and I don't expect anyone else here to take the initiative when they can't even be bothered to wipe down counters or empty the drain catche#I love :) sharing communal spaces :)))#GOD I hope I can get into this other apt complex in october 😭#almost twice the rent but it's also almost three times the space AND. a full kitchen. genuinely so worth it to me#everyone please pray for me. maybe I can endure the StinkTM for two more months and then it can be someone else's problem
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Now that I've finished with the requests I hope to work on some art for myself.
I had the idea of going back to work on my Saint Seiya AUs but I've been thinking to give up on those. It's a lot of work and as much as I love drawing and thinking of 'em it's just too much to handle for a single person. That's why updates on the designs have been so slow/ inconsistent/ absent. I've taken a break from working on them hoping to came back with new ideas and stuff but it's been like a year or so and nothing has changed. I'm blocked there on the same point. I think it's time to finally admit it and I don't know, maybe move on.
#wren text tag#I'm talking mostly for the Genderbend AU since it's the one I've been working the most on. Although I do have#a Far West Au... a DnD one... the Mermaid that was supposed to become a comic & something else I forgot about#In general noone is interested in them so if it all goes in the trashdump it won't cause too many problems 🤗#Like I've already deleted all the wips I've posted around of the Genderbend bc I couldn't stand to look at them any longer and#I should delete the blog where I updated the wips and the rambles as well but I need to find the courage. The balls. So to speak#mostly because doing so feels like I've wasted a lot of time and it's true. I can't lie on this chat. What a waste 😭#but if the alternative is to end up having burnout or going deep into artblock it's just easier to let it go. In the trash 🤗#like I cannot spend 2 days translating 5k worth of notes or ending up worsening my headache for brainstorming stuff#I love the brainrot etc. etc. I'm always on the frontline for silly ideas and doodles but it's too much. It's not healthy#working on them has stopped being a cool and interesting experience since most of the time feels like talking to myself in a mirror#It ends up giving me 0 new inputs or feedback and I feel stuck in the same place forever. For ADHD me this is the worst possible scenario#On a side note. I'm VERY pissed bc Tumblr keeps flagging my sideblogs as “mature content” and most of the time it's PLAIN TEXT#but also the drawings that are actually suggestive tumblr be like “hmm yeah everything's good here. Keep it up monarch☺💖👍”#DUDE. Are u even trying 😭😭😭 also why do you care. IT'S A PRIVATE BLOG holy SHIT#to be fair it's not a problem to me HOWEVER it is the ✨principle✨#having the wrong post flagged as sensitive content is nu-uh ☝😠#I can accept the redflag on artistic nudity and the sussy drawings but NOT on the 1k inspo loredump about female saints face masks 😤#I should start to post increasingly mature artwork to see where tumblr draws the line on the mature content label#Can't wait for next semester where I have to study Mass Media Communication#I'll do a reserch on algorithm and I'll use the experience I've been gathering on the past years of tumblr-blogging as a starting point
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chat i think it might be over
#speak friend and enter#i can't take it anymore 😀#nothing has gone right for me since 2023 👍 perhaps this is the universe's way of punishing me for bad follow through in 2016#im a fool for thinking this law school thing will go right either. me and my uniquely bad luck will find a way to fuck it up#i've done all the work to get better and it's all been undone in a matter of months. ive beat back my mental illness#only for the most dejecting personal circumstances to convene all at once to show me that it was not worth it.#i will always be the last priority no matter what the situation. even for my own family. i always come last#and i cannot take it anymore.#i am uniquely unhireable and uniquely incapable of keeping my head down for the sake of my career#and my family will throw every possible insult upon injury and expect me to take it in stride because that's what i do. dependable jaime#but it is becoming increasingly likely that we can depend on jaime to do something drastic if morale does not improve!!!!!!!!!!
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*Full body vibrating*
Yeeeesssss... ITS HERE!!!!!!!
THE IRONICALLY/UNIRONICALLY GOOD ANIME ABOUT A VENDING MACHINE!!!
#I had to search around for where to find it for free but it was worth it.#Genuinely can't wait to see where they go with this#Last I checked the first season ended about where the manga stopped and there wasn't any continuation.#I wonder if they're completely off the books now or if the writer is giving them pointers to hit.#Either way the first episode was glorious.#Spoilers ahead#Fucker not only turned into an EVEN BIGGER VENDING MACHING THAN WHAT WAS POSSIBLE LAST SEASON-#HE DID THE FUCKING “TOASTER IN THE BATHTUB” TRICK TO A FUCKING LICH!#AND GOT AWAY WITH IT LIKE A CHAMP#Oh so good#reborn as a vending machine
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i made this back in 2021 when my friends introduced me to 100 Gecs for the first time. initial caption was "i refuse to believe daffy would listen to 100 gecs too but out of the two of them, well"
#i could post this on main but it's not worth it LOL#it'll be appreciated here though. possibly#i love novelty songs and bands. can't say i'm a fan. at all. but i respect their existence#i also edited this song to make it seem like Porky was playing it in a short which is what i'm looking for#🏛️#🎥
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You won't catch me contesting that the US Government sucks, but that doesn't actually make it's geopolitical rival, the Chinese Government, your friend, or an organization that also doesn't suck really bad.
#It's a complicated question because it's worth not thinking about them in the way that the US government wants#But that can't just mean Thinking The Opposite of that without winding up in some silly places#IDK I'm trying not to get yelled at a bit more than I'm trying to be right here#But I've seen some wild takes on this webbed site that take as fact some pretty big outright fabrications about the CCP#And the average standard of living there#I guess as much as anything this is a suggestion that people can go online and say whatever#and you should have a heuristic process that is at least mildly resistant to that possibility
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