#it can be romantic or QRP

[sweeteastart]

Day 4 Roadtrip !!

I'm back on track with the fourth day of this week ! I blacked out during it and now there's ravioli but also Hilda and Fable didn't do their design for nothing

Also I was way too sad that I couldn't do the modern prompt for day 3 so they are in modern clothes/environment!!

Closeups under the cut

[usakkhae]

I have to admit that I didn't like the 4chicomax polycule that much (they were cute but..nah) but yesterday' stream changed me. I SEE THE TRUTH NOW!

[omorinovaau]

Kel's 14th birthday

Kel stood in his room. What day was it? What month was it? Did it even matter?

He heard a knock at his door,followed by someone yelling his name. He went downstairs to check who it was.

It was Aubrey. She really changed her appearance a LOT in that one year. She bleached her hair,she seemingly ran out of toner half way through though,so it had orange patches. She wore her bow as a hair tie,somehow.

She had a box of a dozen cupcakes. They resembled white bunnies with pink bows as bows.

"Uhh,you okay,Kel??? You look kinda disheveled..." Aubrey said,snapping Kel out of his trance.

"Uhh,yeah,I'm fine! Come on in!" Kel blurted out. He quickly looked at his hair. It was more matted then a mat,well,it would be considering that he didn't brush or cut his hair for one YEAR.

Aubrey entered the house,and shut the door.

"Kay! Want some??" Aubrey says,offering the box to Kel.

"Sure!" Kel took a bite out of one of the cupcakes...they were really good! When did Aubrey learn to bake?

Aubrey was already stuffing her face with 2 of them.

"Aubreeey." Kel gave her a playful glare,earning a laugh out of her.

"Sorry- These are just really good!" Aubrey said with her mouth full,spraying crumbs all over the couch.

"Woooow,way to compliment yourself!" Kel playfully told her off.

"Bleh,whatever!" Aubrey said,crossing her arms.

"...So,what do you wanna do?" Kel asked.

"Wanna bake something?"

"Yeah! What do you wanna bake?"

"Garlic bread!"

"You be one of them aces?" Kel asked,giving Aubrey a curious glance.

"Hell yeah!" Aubrey half-yelled,throwing her arms in the air.

"Me too!" Kel said,smiling.

The two got up,and proceeded to start making garlic bread. They started eating it like they hadn't eaten in 4 weeks.

After that,the two layed on the couch,and fell asleep. Kel moved like a damn rotiserie chicken until he found a comfortable postion,meanwhile Aubrey was laying right on the edge,about to fall off.

What more can I say? This was how Kel's 14th Birthday went.

[aromanticofficial]

i really dont understand allos because they'll ask you out and you'll tell them you're aro but you can be in a qrp and they say okay and then three months later you'll tell them "hey actually im not comfortable even with a qpr so i wanna break up with you sorry" and they'll cry and yell at you for three hours like you're divorcing them after 30 years of marriage. help me

i'm pretty sure your ex was treating your qpr as a romantic relationship because fuck your feelings i guess

but also ngl without context everything about that that sounds toxic. i don't know your situation but from the information you gave me i would be deeply uncomfortable with even staying friends

[werestorm]

For your aro writing;

i don’t have anything specific. i’m aro myself and wrote an ace character who varies on how sex-repulsed he is (only to be told that the character isn’t ace, even if i made him after my own experience of asexuality. asexual is not *nothing*, it’s little to none and that character is specifically just ‘aspec’ that identifies as asexual). what i’m trying to say is; someone will always criticise you. It’s not that serious, thankfully!

Only silly flavour I can offer you is that i’m romance repulsed, but despite that, -have- dated several times, so even when aware, some of us probably have dating history regardless.

Uhh… for anything in general additional, a pattern i noticed with myself and another friend is that we’ve both dated people with the intent of ‘well, it won’t bother us that much probably and this person we hold important will benefit and feel better!’. 0/10 it sucks to be a people pleaser.

Oh yeah, and, this is really specific of me— but I’ve started calling the people i feel strongly for (= a connection i feel is deeper than just a friend, but not in a romantic sense) by more serious terms, usually familial. IE, someone i briefly dated is someone I currently call my husband, because I realised he does not drain my social battery and I could feasibly live together with him. Despite that term, we are not dating and he’s aware of that. We aren’t QRP either. But it’s a ‘special’ term for him to point out he’s important.

Oh!! This is pretty useful actually!! Thank you, for this. I know that there's going to be criticisms regardless, especially given that the character is more arospec and isn't ace either, but it's still nice to get info from diff perspectives, ya know?

But thank you again for the info/perspective!! I'll be thinking about this when I get to that part.

[babyrdie]

In y so-called headcanonverse, who do y consider to be sexually/romantically involved with Achilles? Besides Pat ofc

I consider Deidamia, but I don't really consider it a romantic attraction, although there is certainly a sexual attraction. I like to think that they were very young and everything was new, so oops, I'm pregnant!!! Which doesn't mean that I think they don't love each other, I think they still do. But it's not a romantic love, it's more like this person that I value very much and that is the father/mother of my child. I think Achilles sometimes thought about the possibility of marrying her if he survived, although realistically he knows that won't happen. In fact, I consider the versions where they aren't married to make more sense of the line in The Iliad about Peleus choosing a wife for him. Also, the Greek sources don't say that there was no consent, so I consider it consensual. Warning before anyone comes to talk about Statius.

I consider Iphigenia, but I don't think it happened. That's because I've only seen two versions of it happening: one in which she is his wife in the afterlife (Antoninus Liberalis), and one in which Iphigenia is the mother of Neoptolemus (Lycophron, Tzetzes). I chose Helen as the afterlife wife, so no Iphigenia, and Neoptolemus' mother I kept as Deidamia. So, instead of actually being a wife, to reference these myths I like to think that there was a teenage crush there in Aulis, but it never came to fruition. In the case of Iphigenia, it was really romantic attraction. He especially admired her courage, something seen in Iphigenia at Aulis.

I consider Penthesilea, but that didn't happen either because she died. I wouldn't call it a romantic attraction, but it's definitely something beyond "how pretty she is", since there's a source that mentions that he was also impressed by her strength (Ad Lycophronem, if I'm not mistaken). I think it's perhaps something that could develop into romantic attraction, if given the chance. Realistically, in mythology what he felt was romantic attraction, but since I'm unable to understand how someone can fall in love in such a short amount of time, I'm considering it more of a case of possibility.

I don't consider Polyxena because I use another version of Achilles' death (The Iliad, The Odyssey + Posthomerica version). The reason he asks for Polyxena as a sacrifice, for me, is simply because he wants to be recognized/he's out of pride.

I consider Medea, but not as his wife. Since in my Headcanonverse I had Achilles stay partially in Elysium and then go to Leuke (in the myth he goes straight to Leuke. This was an attempt to make it possible for him to talk to Odysseus and still have Leuke. And of course Odysseus talked to them in Asphodel, but since in the later sources Achilles is in Elysium and not Asphodel, I considered Elysium), I still consider that he was sexually involved with Medea. But she was not his wife and there was no romantic attraction, I simply had them have a casual sex affair as a reference to this version of the myth (as said in Argonautica, for example). Their dynamic seems too fun for me not to consider.

I consider Helen as a wife in Leuke. Initially, it's not romantic, although it's certainly sexual on Achilles' part (but nothing happens, because Helen doesn't want to because she's tired of getting married over and over again. Also a very vague reference to Alexandra Achilles wanting her but not having her). I'm still in doubt whether to have them eventually have a regular marriage, with sex and romance, or to have them just be married friends, or to have them in a kind of QRP.

I don't consider that there was love in relation to Briseis and Diomede. Achilles may think it's love and he's not the lying type, but that doesn't mean it really is. I believe it was a power relationship. They were symbols of his success, a reaffirmation of his achievements, of his honor. And Achilles loves his own honor, so he wants to keep the symbols too. It doesn't mean that he loves them. I think he loves what they represents.

Aside from the slavery part (which implies sexual abuse), I don't recall any source where Achilles treated them well. In Briseis' case, he didn't even marry her even though we know she would have been willing (because it would have raised her status, which would have been beneficial. And sure, she wouldn't have had to be willing since she was a slave, but the fact that there was a promise with Patroclus about it implies that Patroclus tried to convince Achilles and it didn't work). Yes, he was destined to die, but if he cared he could have at least given her the opportunity to have had her status raised before he died. Not only that, but he threatens to return home and says that Peleus will choose a wife for him, which shows that he didn't even consider her as a possibility. He also rejects the possibility of taking Briseis back when she and other gifts are offered, which shows that he certainly values ​​his reputation more than her. Also, he tells Agamemnon that he wishes Briseis were dead, because none of this would have happened if she were. So, yes, he can compare what he feels for Briseis to love for a wife, he can even compare himself to Menelaus and all that, but his actions contradict his words.

There are examples in literature of how Achilles acts when in love, and I'm sorry, but it's definitely not like that. In fact, in these examples he often CONTRADICTS his reputation, he puts honor below his lover. For example, in Alexandra he spends years searching for Iphigenia, even though this makes him seem very sentimental. In Epithalamium of Achilles and Deidameia, he purposely agrees to act hyper-feminine in order to have a chance with her and is clearly very tender, kissing her hand and complimenting the way she weaves. In Heroica, he sings to Helen and they're described as happy. With Patroclus, he values ​​him at every turn, goes into a deep depression because of his death and even takes sacrilegious actions out of grief. With Penthesilea, Achilles mourned her enough for Thersites to compare him to a sighing lady and mock him, and Achilles also reacts violently in the versions where Thersites mutilates her corpse. I never saw him act like this with Briseis (or Diomede), so I can't seriously believe that he loves either of them. The most we have are artistic depictions of him looking like a burrito in Briseis absence.

As for Hemithea, who is clearly a victim, I don't consider her existence in my Headcanonverse. In most sources she doesn't exist, so I assumed she wasn't a popular myth when it came to the Trojan War (If I'm not mistaken, Plutarch, Tzetzes and Pseudo-Apollodorus mention this myth. All late sources and there are no others. I also found no visual representations). As for Troilus, I consider him a victim, but not a sexual one. Achilles still brutally kills Troilus inside the temple, but has no interest in Troilus other than the need to kill him. Since the thing with Hemithea didn't happen, here Troilus is Apollo's only motivation in Achilles' death.

In short, in my headcanon:

Romantic attracted: Patroclus, Iphigenia;

Sexual attracted: Deidamia, Medea, Helen, Patroclus;

Secret third thing: Penthesilea;

Wive: Helen (post-death), although he considered marrying Deidamia;

Abusive/Possession: Briseis, Diomede;

Young crush: Deidamia, Iphigenia, Patroclus;

Casual: Medea;

Very important: Deidamia, Patroclus;

In development: Helen;

Afterlife: Medea (casual sex), Helen (wife), Patroclus;

I don't consider: Hemithea (there is no encounter between the two), Troilus (still gets brutally killed by him), Polyxena (still gets sacrificed at his request).

I imagine my Achilles with the headcanon that he is a-gray aro, but is allosexual (and bi). That's why there is the greater prominence of sexual attraction compared to romantic attraction.

[henrioo]

even though I’m not aroace i related to your queerplatonic boyfriend-girlfriend-best friend posts sm 😭 probably because the one time I was truly in love was with my best friend and she’s ace 🥹 it didn’t work out because she moved away for college but I miss that feeling of being so in love with someone, even if she loved me as a bestie and my love was a little different. I just miss that kind of connection and adoration with another person💕

Yeeah, I've been reading a lot about QPR and I really think it's my ideal type of relationship

Heterosexual standard romantic relationships are very difficult for me as aroace, I don't really feel physical or sexual attraction and my love is very different than expected

I really don't know if I'm capable of love? My love is really different and much less intense, many people tend to depend on love and relationships and well I could stay single the rest of my life without having problems or bothering me about it

Apparently QPR varies a lot, they are individual from person to person, some have more romantic acts, others have nothing, it will depend on the two or more people in the relationship

But the basis of this type of relationship is the bond, you know? It's like that soulmate thing, you have an extreme connection with someone even if you don't have romantic love, it could just be a platonic love or a mixture of both

It's not just something for aroace people, although it's more common, I think everyone can have a QRP because well, everyone has their own way of loving and relationships are about being comfortable

I also "fell in love" a lot with my best friends and friends in general, even if it wasn't the common love of allos, it was my love in my way you know

I actually still think I'm in love with my best friend, I genuinely like to call him my soulmate because I feel that connection with him... But it's very complicated, he's already in a relationship and he has a lot of problems, and even if he was free well... I don't think he would feel the same way about me, even in a QRP relationship, it's complicated, i'd like to try but i won't force him into anything, he's already having enough problems with himself and his current relationship

I'm sorry that you didn't have more time with your friend, I also moved around a lot and it ruined a lot of my relationships, But I can understand your feeling

Even though I'm aroace, I like having connections with people, knowing that they'll be there with me, being able to be free to flirt, to feel, you know? Really "love" someone, Even if in my case it's more platonic, it's good to feel these things

[icy-watch]

From @penofwildfire

#they've got chemistry for sure but I feel like they couldn't have a stable long-term relationship#like a quick fling? sure sounds great#but not much else#especially after... some stuff he says to her#in this and one of the books 🫤

From @only-lonely-stars

#they were one of my first OTPs and to be honest I still think they have potential#but honestly if they ever DID have a relationship they'd both have a lot of growing to do#either way kailor is something special <3

From @pandemonium-kidz

#They're cute and some fics have really made me love them together#HOWEVER I firmly believe they can bounce off each other really well as best friends or under a QRP relationship#they just gimme that vibe of going out to burn half the city; have fun; chill the next morning before going their separated ways for a bit#I really think it could've been a top tier relationship (platonic or romantic) had the writers actually put some effort on it#a shame really they're pretty fun together#On the other hand... they can just form a “V”#Kai has two hands after all (And so do Sky and Cole)#Perfect solution :3

From @an-oddlyfluffycarpet

#kai has two hands for a reason

They are by no means a perfect couple, but if Kai has to be in a straight relationship, I do like Skylor for him. They've both got to work thru some stuff together and individually, but I do like them together.

Also they're bi4pan so

As much as I do joke around and love lava, I do really like Kai and Skylor together.

[raavenb2619]

I have been reading about loveless aros and also read the KA Cook essay you have linked in a couple of your asks, and it increasingly feels really good to identify as loveless.

But I still really like the idea of a QPR?

Is it possible to want both? It feels hypocritical, but I am quite new to the aro community so I'm not sure how people think if it.

Thank you for your time and I hope you have a good day :)

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I don’t have an answer, for a few reasons. 

First, I wouldn’t really say that there’s been much discussion on loveless aromanticism at all, let alone how it relates to QPRs. “Loveless aro” as a phrase is starting to pop up more, and there are definitely anons that have told me they’ve found the concept helpful, but I wouldn’t say there’s a loveless aro community, or even a proto-community right now. (At least, none that I know of.) That means that getting a balanced, nuanced opinion on a particular topic is hard, because it ends up being just a few voices. 

It’s also complicated because the way we think and talk about QRPs are complicated. QPRs are vague and nebulous and diverse and can be (or is it must be?) distinct from both friendship and romance, and yet we often talk about them as being a blend to the two, somewhere in between friendship and romance. I’ve tried describing and explaining QPRs on this blog many times, and I feel that despite my efforts, it boils down to “QPRs are like romantic relationships without the romance”. Does the concept simplify down to “basically romance” because that’s easy to explain, because that’s what’s commonly explained, or because that’s true? When do the former questions start to influence the latter? I feel like you’re probably asking this in part because of that simplification; if the question was “can I be loveless and still have friends?” or “can I be loveless and also be affectionate with my friends?”, maybe you would have assumed the answer was yes. What does that say about the community (assuming I’m not massively projecting my own thought process on QPRs onto the entire community)? 

Part of why it feels hypocritical to you, I think, is wrapped up in the question of closeness and partnership. The aro community feels better about this now, I feel, but there used to be a very intense focus on QPRs (likely from shifting the amatonormative “everyone needs romance” to “everyone needs a QPR”). That definitely alienated some aros, some of whom found words “nonpartnering” or “nonamorous”, some of whom never really found a way of expressing themselves. So on one hand, to take a word that’s in many ways a rejection of conventional expectations about interpersonal behavior and dictate that it’s compatible with partnering, it might take away some of its power. But at the same time, closeness and partnership needn’t be the same as love, so opening it up and saying that it’s compatible with partnering strengthens that valuable distinction. 

It’s clear that there’s huge potential for discussions about love and aromanticism, acknowledging the wide variety of relationships we can have with love, from simple to complex, to very connected to incredibly disconnected. But whether you can be loveless and still be in or want a QPR isn’t something I think I can answer. I leave you with the following quotation from the essay you mentioned by K. A. Cook:

I don’t know if I will ever wish “love” applied to me. I write about it, yes! Most of my stories are about connection and affection, and many of those stories name this, purposefully and specifically, as love. I think it’s part of my healing to depict relationships where love supports and natures. Maybe, if I write enough, I’ll come to trust love, to feel some connection to it that doesn’t remind me of all the ways it has scarred me.

Or maybe I won’t! It’s safe to express and explore love in a story where those characters aren’t me. The affection and connection that I sometimes name “love” is free of pain, manipulation and domination. It’s free of other people’s assumptions and misunderstandings. In my writing, love can be what I need it to be.

[zosonils]

love anon is back for MORE FEELS abt qrp phinabella just like. generally i feel like crushes at 10 don't usually lead to healthy longterm romances, esp when the other kid is SO ARO (and or gay) coded, BUT at the SAME TIME tho, their friendship is adorable, and isabella deserves the entire world??? and before this concept entered my life i had a tendency to write off isa a little but! QPR!!! there's a third option! they can KEEP BEING IMPORTANT TO EACH OTHER without sacrificing any needs! !!!

[answering these two in the same ask because i think they’re supposed to be related? either way it’s my blog and i get to choose the post] love anon you are the smartest person on earth and in the world that’s EXACTLY IT they get to love each other and keep up an even stronger version of the really genuinely great friendship they already have as kids but! that doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic thing! and i dunno i feel like getting to that good middle ground where they’re quantifiably more than Just Friends™ and have that additional bond without stepping too far into a direction that makes phineas feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable naturally lends itself to a lot of healthy conversation about boundaries [and like even assuming a romantic context they’d have those conversations because they care each other and want to respect each other’s feelings but i am a scary evil asexual who wants to think about things in the context that brings me the most joy] and i just whjnfjkvh bkbmkgbmg fnnghgnh whjfnf then they love each other in the way that’s the most comfortable for both of them and they hold hands and maybe kiss just a tiny bit

also BIG YEAH ON THE SECOND POINT friendship ended with fiction that makes me feel bad in a good way, little shape children inventing things simply because it is fun and loving their friends is my new comfort media

[realbigpodcastslut]

God. I am so stupid. I’m pretty sure I’m aro. 

You’re probably like, “how the fuck did you not know?” Well, I was always like, “Man I wanna date someone.” Except by dating, I meant being really fucking close, but being good friends. Like, sleeping in different rooms/beds but being really tight. We can have children but also dates are overrated. Anyways, found out I was not looking for a romantic relationship, but a QRP. And in all my relationships I was just sort of friend-zoning them. And in fact, my crushes were squishes. 

I am so fucking stupid jfc. 

On the bright side, told my partner I might be aro. It was kinda hard cause I’d been thinking about it for 6 months but didn’t want to accept it tm. Well, they understood! They’re still my partner too, but we’re in a QPR. Goddammit, I love them so much.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

hi, i'd like a little help differentiating between alterous and queerplatonic. i'm still new to 'alterous'. i always thought i wanted a qpr where we'd be in a commited relationship, not be romantically attracted, but still get to do romantic things if we want. because i actually want romantic things, just not a romance, because of the pressure to have feelings i can never feel. but since alterous is an element of both, is that what I am, for wanting element of both? even if i only feel platonic?

So just to be clear are you wondering what the difference between an alterous relationship and a QPR? An alterous relationship usually refers to a relationship alterous people are in, and it can be platonic, can be romantic, or can have elements of both or might defy labels entirely. Someone experiencing alterous attraction can have a QPR if they want one, but a QPR, unlike an alterous relationship isn’t defined by the attraction you’re experiencing but by the type of relationship that you want to have. 

(An alterous relationship that either defies labels or has both romantic and platonic elements can also be considered a QPR if you’re using the broader definition of a QPR which is a relationship that falls outside of a traditional romantic relationship or traditional friendship. So a relationship can be both an alterous relationship and a QPR if the people in it want to define it that way.)

If you’re wondering if the type of relationship you want would be considered an alterous relationship or a QPR, then I think it depends if you or your partner are experiencing alterous attraction or not. But if what you’re looking for is a relationship where you do romantic things but not have romance/not have to feel romantic feelings, that can be a QPR. And the really great thing about QRPs is that you get to tailor it to the kind of relationship that you want. And there’s no rules about what it has to look like or what you have to do. 

I hope that all makes sense, Anon. But let me know if you still have questions.

All the best!

[androgynousblackbox]

Re: male friendships. I used to actually get annoyed more because people would say that obviously they love each other friends wouldn’t do that! But friends do. And they treat being in a relationship as better than friendship. Also there is an issue with young men not really having deep relationships with each other because they don’t want to seem gay. I don’t dislike gay hcs, just when relationships are treated as a step up.

Amatonormativity is an actual problem in our society and we should understand that romantic love is NOT the ultimate kind of love, I won’t argue with that. Friendships can be just as deep, intimate and important as a romantic relationship. QRP are all about a non romantic relationship that is beyond friendship and so meaningful for the people involved.  Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut if those young men refuse to be affectionate and openly emotionally vulnerable with their friends, exclusively and only because they fear they might be considered gay, then that is a toxic masculinity + homophobia convo, anon. Consider being taken as gay like the worst thing that could happen, enough that you are willing to freeze your affection for your friends, that is an attitude we shouldn’t encourage. The ideal was to make guys know that they CAN be emotional and affectionate if that is on their nature, AND that being seem as gay is not offensive or some kind of injustice that needs to be fixed, because being gay AND affectionate with your friends is totally okay, wether the gaynes is directed at them or not.

[mcrmadness]

A funny thing I noticed today as I was working on a fanfiction of mine.

This is just my random deep thoughts about aspec and attraction in general cos my aroace ass doesn't have a clue of anything as usual.

So, I always struggle more or less with how to write any kinds of relationships because I am aromantic and asexual, and I guess you could say I also believe in "relationship anarchy", and on top of all that I'm also a loveless aro.

What all that means to me:

I don't experience romantic nor sexual attraction at all.

I don't know if I experience platonic attraction. Maybe? It depends on whom you ask, because some say it's about QPRs and some say it's about whether one feels the need to have friends or not. I do, but I don't know where's the line between platonic attraction and just naturally learning to know people and getting along with some better than with others.

I am sex-repulsed, romance-repulsed and very touch-averse. However, I no longer believe that certain acts are inherently sexual or romantic only. I believe everyone can define what they mean to THEM and THEIR relationships and friendships, but no one can define those for OTHER PEOPLE. But because I am pretty much repulsed by all kinds of physical touch, physical intimacy is not part of any friendships of mine, this doesn't really concern me.

And this takes us to the fanfiction writing part. All three - platonic, romantic and sexual - are pretty much a grey area for me. I don't know how they differ from each other. In a way I can try to imagine that and I think I sometimes might even understand all this better when I write about two people in some kind of a relationship (might be an QRP, I haven't wanted to give it a name tbh), but still I do not know if I'm getting even close to what it is like for allos. All I can do is guess.

Before I thought the difference is exactly in what kinds of actions are allowed in which kind of a relationship, but since I have abandoned the idea that e.g. platonic friends can't hug or kiss without my mind going "they can't be JUST friends!!!", now I'm just left with... nothing. My previous understanding was just the rules of amatonormativity and society's standards, what I just grew up to believe because you possibly could, and still can't, watch or read (or play) almost any kind of media without it eventually shoving these ideas into your face as the only truth.

The attraction part - I still don't understand how allo brains do that, it's still such a "seems fake but okay" moment to me every single time allos show symptoms of attraction towards someone they don't even know. This is why I understand the demi way of attraction so much better! It just makes sense to me that you'd develop other types of feelings only after knowing the person well and for a long(er) time. Even tho I don't think I'd be demi, I'm too romance-repulsed (and sex-repulsed) and touch-averse for that in general, but just the overall idea just makes more sense to me.

Today I was writing something and I was kinda analyzing my own writing at the same time. The characters often take the reins and I just write what they do, but I don't necessarily understand what they do or why they do that. I don't know if it's confusing to someone who might have experience on those things - I mean I don't have. I had typical school time crushes but I think they were mostly aesthetic + just me wanting to do what others did too -> have a crush so I can talk about a crush with a friend so we band bond over crushes. I believe it's an ADHD thing, it's no different from me seeing someone drawing and me starting to draw because it just made me want to draw. Or when people talk about writing. I also want to talk about writing! So when as pre-teen and teen my friends had crushes, I also wanted to have a crush.

Needless to say, my last crush I had when I was 16, and that lasted for 3 years (started when I was 13) and I never even talked to this person. Just felt like running away screaming if they even saw me. After that I had fictional crushes cos they could not show "feelings" back. I think those were either platonic crushes, or my antidepressants just messing up with my head so much it affected even that part of my brain.

Hm, I got distracted. I was trying to say that after analyzing my texts, I realized that I actually have two moods for... some... attraction. I don't know how to call that. But I am writing about two people who are not aro nor ace, so I am not even trying to make them aro nor ace. One of them has slight vibes but not enough that I'd want to touch that part of their identity too much in my stories.

But yeah, I realized that these two characters, when they've just learnt to know each other, they kinda develop some sort of crush-like feelings. I don't really know what that even is. Basically it's platonic but still not (leaning slightly towards romantic/sexual attraction sometimes). And then much much later, it's still there but now it feels different? I still can't explain it, because I literally cannot feel it myself, but I can use empathy for imagining what that feels like but I still don't... comprehend a single thing about it. All I know is that it feels, or has different vibes, between those two scenes despite the setting basically being still the exact same. There just are so many years between those two scenes.

This is where I got the eureka moment today, as I started wondering that is the first one basically the way allos experience attraction, and the second one closer to how demis experience attraction? At least it would make more sense to me, EVEN THO it's about the same two characters so it's a bit funny that they'd have both the allo and demi brain lmao. But like I said, I myself don't have any experience, and even imagining anything myself is really difficult because I _don't experience attraction (aesthetic to some extent, but I'm really low even on that), and I have no clue how can you tell different forms of attraction apart from each other when you haven't even felt majority of them ever.

Okay, I guess this is enough deep thoughts for today.