#it also featured me dreaming that I woke up laughing and then panicking because writing out the dream might make me late for work

[smutfanfictionlover-blog]

ATEEZ ONE-SHOT SMUT SEONGHWA - MY STRANGER DREAM - M

(These GIFs are made by me)

WARNING: DETAILED SMUT SCENES AND FOUL LANGUAGE AHEAD!

No. of words: 8.7k

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This will be my first one-shot smut fanfiction for my bias Seonghwa! I hope you will like it even though it’s a long one-shot.

 Y/N and her friend named Serin are both working as baristas in a cafe' and also, they are roommates. There is one time, Y/N can't wake up easily and Serin decided to go to her room but when she went inside, she heard Y/N is moaning while sleeping and…

“OMG! What is she dreaming about?” Serin thought and she just walked closer to Y/N and…

“Y/N! Wake up! We might be late for work,” Serin said as she tried to shake Y/N’s body but then as soon as Y/N woke up she covered her face and…

“Hey, Y/N! What is happening to you? We should prepare to go to work, Hurry!” Serin said and Y/N just nodded and sighed then her friend left her in the room.

“My gosh! What kind of dream is that? Oh well, I shouldn’t think of it because I might be distracted at work!” Y/N thought and just prepared herself for work. When both of them are now in the cafe’, there were times that Y/N just suddenly stopped working and Serin noticed it then she approached her and…

"Y/N! Hurry up! One of our return customers is waiting for his orders!" Serin said and Y/N just snapped out of her thoughts and she suddenly moved quickly that made the drink spilled on the floor and both of them were shocked…

“Oh shit!” Y/N thought.

“Y/N! What did you do?” Serin asked angrily. But the customer saw that Y/N just accidentally spilled one of his orders and…

"Umm… Miss, it's okay! I will just wait for it and I will just sit at one of the tables here," the customer said in a calming tone. As Y/N approached the customer and looked at him…

“Wow! He is so handsome! His eyes are so beautiful too!” Y/N thought.

“I am so sorry! But don’t worry I will bring your orders to you right away,” Y/N said.

“It’s okay! I can wait for my orders,” the customer said as he smiled at her that made Y/N slightly blushed. But she didn’t know that while they are talking, the customer took a glimpse of her name tag and…

"Oh! Her name is Y/N! She is so beautiful," the customer thought and just sat at one of the tables near the counter and then he saw a customer survey paper then he decided to wrote something and smiled, After he finished answering and writing something in the survey paper, he folded it then he left something in it and put it inside the box and he decided to observe her. While Y/N is focused on making the drinks for the handsome customer, she suddenly felt someone's eyes are on her and as she looked around the cafe' she suddenly caught the man is looking at her and he just smiled at her instead of looking away and Y/N just slightly smiled back at him and blushed.

“My gosh! He is even more handsome when he smiles!” Y/N thought then she saw that the man’s name is “Hwa”(Seonghwa) and she just wrote his name on the cups then she approached him and…

“Here are your orders Mr. Hwa! Thanks for your understanding and patience!” Y/N said as she smiled at him.

“No problem! You can just call me Seonghwa. That’s only my shortcut of my name,” the man said as he smiled back at her.

"Oh! Okay! Nice to meet you Seonghwa! I have to go back to work and thank you for coming here and I hope you will come back!" Y/N said.

“No worries, Y/N! To be honest, I am one of your frequently return customers here in the cafe’,” Seonghwa said as he looked at her then Y/N blushed.

"OMG! He already knows my name. Well, it's because of my name tag," Y/N thought.

“Oh! I see! I am sorry if didn’t remember you,” Y/N said.

“It’s okay! I understand! It’s nice to talk with you but I have to go now. Have a nice day, Y/N!” Seonghwa said.

“Have a nice day too, Seonghwa!” Y/N said as both of them smiled at each other then Seonghwa left the cafe’.

“My gosh! I think I will not be able to make a mistake again today because of him,” Y/N thought but then Serin approached her and…

“Y/N we should have lunch now and I also want to talk to you,” Serin said and Y/N nodded. While they are having lunch…

“Y/N, what is happening to you today? You suddenly messed up someone’s order too,” Serin asked and Y/N just sighed.

“Well, it’s just because I had a dream to someone and it distracts me a lot,” Y/N said.

“Oh! Can you tell me what kind of dream is that?” Serin asked and Y/N slightly blushed.

“It’s just a sweet dream. That’s all. But I can’t remember who is the man in my dream,” Y/N said.

"Okay! To be honest, when I was about to wake you up, earlier, I heard you are moaning," Serin said.

“What? You heard me that I am moaning?” Y/N asked in a panicking tone.

“Yup! Why? Don’t tell me your dream is not just sweet but also a wet dream,” Serin said and Y/N just laughed.

"There's no way I will have a wet dream to someone who is completely a stranger," Y/N said and Serin just chuckled at her statement.

"For your information, having a dream about a stranger can be possible," Serin said and Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Fine! Whatever you say!” Y/N said then it was Serin’s turn to laugh at her.

"You know, you should focus on your job instead of thinking about the dream you had earlier, okay?" Serin said.

“Okay! Fine! I will never do a mistake again for today and also, you didn’t tell me that man earlier is a return customer,” Y/N said and Serin raised one of her eyebrows.

“You really seemed to be distracted today because I told you earlier that he is a return customer but you ended messing up one of his orders and it seems you had a little conversation with him, huh?” Serin said as she slightly made a teasing smile.

“I just thanked him being an understanding and a patient customer. That’s all,” Y/N said.

"Are you sure? But the way you two smile at each other a while ago it's like there is a spark between the two of you," Serin said as she gets giddy.

“I know he is very handsome but I don’t expect that I will have a boyfriend like him who has perfect features, okay? Let’s just go back to work,” Y/N said.

"Fine! We should get going," Serin said then both of them just focused on doing their job.

As for Seonghwa who just arrived from his place, his friend and roommate named San waited for him. But San noticed something and it was…

“Wait! You went again to that cafe’?” San asked.

“Yup! Here is the drink that I ordered for you,” Seonghwa said as he gave the drink and smiled at him.

“Thanks! You know I really noticed that you keep coming back in that cafe’. Are you seeing someone there frequently?” San asked and Seonghwa just chuckled.

“I know that smile. It means that’s a yes?” San asked.

“To be honest, not totally seeing someone instead I am still trying to make a move to someone who is working there,” Seonghwa said as he smiled and San chuckled at his statement.

"Oh! So did you had a chance to talk to her today?" San asked.

“Yup! Her name is Y/N,” Seonghwa said.

“How did the two of you end talking to each other?” San asked.

“Y/N accidentally spilled one of my orders awhile ago but I just waited for her to bring my orders to me then when she brought my orders, I decided to talk to her but not for a long time because since she still has to do her job,” Seonghwa said.

“Okay! So, what will be your next move to her?” San asked.

“I will still think about it,” Seonghwa said.

“But you didn’t think of stalking her, right?” San asked but Seonghwa just laughed.

“No, I am not!” Seonghwa said and San smirked.

"You really better not stalk her because you will be a creep to her," San said then both of them laughed.

Then going back to Y/N and Serin who are now in their place…

“You know Serin, I am kinda embarrassed for Seonghwa,” Y/N said and Serin suddenly raised one of her eyebrows.

“Wait! Seonghwa? Who is he?” Serin asked.

“The frequently return customer awhile ago. I bet you didn’t know his name,” Y/N said as she laughed at her.

"Oh! His name is Seonghwa, not Hwa?" Serin asked.

"Yup! I am kinda embarrassed a while ago because I didn't remember him at all when he told me that he keeps coming back to the cafe' frequently," Y/N said.

"Well, I think we are just too focus on our job and we didn't know we always wrote his name on the cup," Serin said and then both of them laughed.

“You’re right! But he is really handsome too!” Y/N said.

“It means you like him already?” Serin asked as she teased Y/N.

“I am not saying I like him already,” Y/N said and Serin just chuckled.

“You are just denying it!” Serin said as she continued to tease her and Y/N just sighed.

“Whatever you think it is!” Y/N said as she rolled her eyes at Serin and just left her in the living room and just went to sleep.

“It’s so fun to tease Y/N with him,” Serin thought and still slightly laughing.

THE NEXT DAY…

It was another day for them working in the cafe’, then while Y/N is busy doing something, her manager called her and Y/N went to her office…

"Why do you want to talk to me, Ms. Park? Is this about what happened yesterday? I am really sorry for messing up someone’s order,” Y/N said.

“It’s okay! I understand Y/N! To be honest, I wanted to talk to you because someone left this in our survey/suggestion box and it seems the customer really likes your service,” Ms. Park(her manager) said as she gave a long folded paper then Y/N looked what it is and she was shocked because…

“Ms. Park, are you sure that this is for me? Also, this is a coupon for free 5 days of accommodation with breakfast to a hotel resort," Y/N said.

"Yup! I saw someone wrote that the coupon should be given to you and also, you can see that there is a date that you can only use that coupon. Well, because you are doing great in your job and one of our customers really like your service, I will allow you to take vacation leave for 5 days next week," Ms. Park said and Y/N can’t believe what she’s hearing right now.

“Are you really sure about that Ms. Park?” Y/N asked.

“Yup! It will be useless for the coupon not to be used, right? So, enjoy your vacation next week!” Ms. Park said as she smiled at her.

“Can Serin come with me?” Y/N asked.

"I am sorry but I will not allow her to come with you because some of our baristas can't replace her next week because they filed a leave for few days. But in your case, I able to talk to one of our part-timers who is also a certified barista to do your job next week," Ms. Park said.

"Wow! Thank you very much, Ms. Park!” Y/N said.

“No problem! Also, think that this is the customer’s and my incentive to you. Have fun next week, Y/N!” Ms. Park said as she smiled at her.

“Thank you very much, Ms. Park! I will go back to work now,” Y/N said as she smiled back and Ms. Park just nodded then Y/N left the office and when she went back to work, Serin suddenly approached her and…

“Y/N, why did Ms. Park talk to you?” Serin asked.

“Let’s just talk about it later at the lunch break since many customers are coming as of the moment,” Y/N said.

“Well, You’re right!” Serin said then both of them went back to work. As time goes by, it was already their lunch break and…

“So, tell me now, why did Ms. Park talk to you?” Serin asked.

“I really thought that it was about what happened yesterday but it’s not. It’s because a customer suddenly left a coupon for free 5 days of accommodation in a hotel resort together with the survey paper,” Y/N said.

“What? Really for FREE?” Serin asked.

“Yup! I am surprised that she gave it to me,” Y/N said and Serin was shocked.

“What? That’s unfair! She gave you that coupon,” Serin said as she pouted and Y/N laughed at her.

“To be honest, I am also surprised that someone wrote in the survey paper that the coupon was just for me,” Y/N said.

“Wow! It seems the customer really wants to give you an incentive, huh?” Serin said.

“I know, right? But Ms. Park saw that the coupon has a particular date that should be used and she decided to make me have a vacation leave next week,” Y/N said as she smiled at her.

"Oh! I envy you right now, Y/N! But who do you want to come with you to the hotel resort?" Serin asked.

“To be honest, I am thinking of you to come with me but she told me that you will not be available next week because there will be no barista will replace you. But I think I can just go alone since I want to have time for myself too," Y/N said.

“You’re right! But I hope you will enjoy next week for your 5 days vacation in a hotel resort,” Serin said as she smiled at her.

“Thanks, Serin!” Y/N said as she smiled back. As for Seonghwa who is now cleaning his room, suddenly someone called him and it was…

THEIR CONVERSATION:

Seonghwa: Oh! Ms. Park, why did you call me?

Ms. Park: Can you stop calling me Ms. Park and it doesn’t suit you to call me like that.

Seonghwa: Just kidding my beloved sister, Minje! So, why did you call me?

Ms. Park/Minje: Tell me, you are the one who left the coupon in my cafe’s survey box, right?

Seonghwa: Why did you think of that?

Minje: Duh! I know your penmanship, okay? Also, the name of the hotel resort is owned by your great friend Jung Wooyoung and you even thought of giving it to one of my baristas. Why? do you like Y/N?

Seonghwa: Yup! Also, I am planning to see her in the hotel resort and be with her.

Minje: Wow! I am so shocked right now, Seonghwa!

Seonghwa: *laughs over the phone* So, did you already gave the coupon to her?

Minje: Yup! Also, you should thank me that I made her a vacation leave for next week so that, she can use the coupon since the date is only valid until next week. It means you should prepare for next week too my beloved brother.

Seonghwa: Are you serious, Minje?

Minje: I am serious. I will also support you for being with Y/N next week because for the past 3 years of Y/N working in my cafe’ I got to know her more not just only being my employee but also as a friend too and I can say that you two can also be a match.

Seonghwa: Aww! Thank you very much, Minje! I will call Wooyoung to inform him about the coupon.

Minje: Okay! No problem and have a nice vacation next week with Y/N!

Seonghwa: Okay! Thanks, Minje! Bye!

END OF CONVERSATION

 After Seonghwa had a conversation with his sister, he called Wooyoung.

 THEIR CONVERSATION:

Wooyoung: Oh! Hey, Seonghwa! Why did you call?

Seonghwa: Remember the coupon that you gave to me?

Wooyoung: Oh! The 5 days free hotel resort accommodation with breakfast?

Seonghwa: Yup!

Wooyoung: Why? Are you going to use it now?

Seonghwa: To be honest, I gave it to the lady that I like and she is also working in my sister’s cafe’

Wooyoung: WHAT? You didn’t talk about her much when we see each other then suddenly you gave the coupon to her?

Seonghwa: To be honest, that is my first move to be with her.

Wooyoung: Oh! Okay! So, what are you planning right now?

Seonghwa: Can you make your hotel resort next week be private just for me and Y/N?

Wooyoung: Okay! I will make the dates next week to be fully booked so that, no one can reserve in the resort.

Seonghwa: That’s great! Thank you very much Wooyoung!

Wooyoung: No problem! I will assign a few staff for next week so no one can disturb the two of you.

Seonghwa: Okay! I should prepare my things for next week’s vacation in your hotel resort. Thanks again, Wooyoung!

Wooyoung: No problem, bro! I hope you two will have fun next week in my resort with Y/N!

Seonghwa: Yup! We will definitely have fun there!

Wooyoung: Okay! I have to arrange some things now! Bye!

Seonghwa: Okay! Bye!

END OF CONVERSATION.

 After he had a conversation with Wooyoung, Seonghwa smiled at himself and exactly that time San arrived at their place, and…

“Hey, Bro! It seems you are very happy. What happen?” San asked.

“I will be able to see Y/N next week,” Seonghwa said.

“Wow! Where and how will you see each other?” San asked as he smiled at him.

“You know our friend Wooyoung owns a hotel resort, right?” Seonghwa asked.

“Yup! Why?” San asked.

“I planned to make Y/N go to Wooyoung’s hotel resort and I even requested the resort to be private for me and Y/N so that no one can disturb us,” Seonghwa said as he smiled brightly and San was shocked at his plan and…

“Wow! That’s crazy but a great plan, bro! But how will you make Y/N go to Wooyoung’s resort?” San asked.

"To be honest, I already made that plan and it already happened a while ago because of my sister's help giving the coupon for free 5 days of accommodation with breakfast to Y/N,” Seonghwa said.

“Wow! I am really speechless right now, bro! I hope you two have fun in the resort being not disturbed by their staff,” San said and Seonghwa laughed.

“It seems I don’t have to worry since Wooyoung will arrange all of it including assigning just a few staff to work next week,” Seonghwa said.

“I am so happy for you, bro! I think you should prepare and pack your things for your vacation with Y/N,” San said as he smiled at him.

“Yup! I will also make unforgettable memories with her next week,” Seonghwa said as he smiled back at San.

As for Y/N who is about to finish packing her things for next week’s vacation, she decided to sleep and as she starting to enter her dreamland, the dream started…

 When Y/N is in a dark room where it has a little light outside the window she saw a man is in front of her who is already shirtless and has a good body built but she can't see his face clearly because the light is only reflecting on his chest and his abs then Y/N suddenly walked backward but the man went closer to her then Y/N's back touched the wall and the man pinned her to the wall and...

“I like you and I love you, Y/N! I want you to give yourself to me and I want you to be mine this night,” the man said as he whispered but when Y/N was about to talk, the man suddenly kissed her lips passionately and she just kissed him back.

"Gosh! I really don't know who is this man but damn! The effect of him to me is too much to the point I am willing to give everything to him and I will let him love me," Y/N's thought in the dream. As they continue to make out, one of the man's hands went inside her shirt and suddenly groped one of her clothed breasts that made Y/N moan into the kiss.

Because of that action of the man in her dream, Y/N’s body suddenly moved that made the dream suddenly ended and Y/N just woke up in the middle of the night and she felt that her body became hot.

"Fuck! Seriously! Who is that man who keeps appearing in my dreams and trying to make love with me! This is making me crazy!" Y/N said to herself but she just went back to sleep but she didn't have a chance to continue her dream with him.

 FAST FORWARD…

It was already the day where Y/N will go to the resort and will have a 5 days vacation alone. But her friend Serin, suddenly noticed that Y/N is still not waking up and she just decided to wake her up so that, Y/N can prepare to go to the resort and when she went inside the room, she heard again Y/N moaning while she was asleep.

"Seriously! What is she really dreaming about? I noticed that she keeps dreaming something strange or I assume it's really a wet dream!" Serin thought and…

“Y/N! Wake up! This will be the fifth time for this week that I will be waking you up!” Serin said in a loud voice. Then Y/N woke up like she was really tired and her cheeks are flushed.

"Y/N! What happened to you? You know, I am now so sure that you are having a wet dream to someone, aren't you?" Serin asked and Y/N can't answer her and she just blushed then Serin just smirked at her.

"Y/N, just admit it that you are having a wet dream for the past few days and also, your face says it all too," Serin said and Y/N sighed.

“Fine! You are right! I am having a wet dream but I can’t clearly see his face and he didn’t even tell me who he is in my dream but damn! He is so hot!” Y/N said and Serin laughed at her.

"Oh well, we should talk about that next time, because you should take a bath right now and you should double-check the things that you will bring to the resort because the check-in time in a resort is commonly around noon and also, I have to get going because I might be late for work and I hope you will have fun in your vacation for yourself," Serin said as she smiled at her.

“Thanks, Serin! Take care in going to work. I will send you photos of me or message you when I am in the resort.” Y/N said as she smiled back at her and Serin nodded. As soon as Serin left their place, she took a bath but she can’t take off her mind about the dream she had.

“I hope whoever that man is, I will be able to see him and I will be willing to give myself to him. It seems he is a good person and he can love me with all his heart,” Y/N thought as she just continued to take a bath then after that, she doubled check her things to bring if something is missing or not then when she saw that everything is all set, she left her place at exactly 10 am so, that she will be able to go to the resort on time. Then she arrived at the resort five minutes before noon because the resort was kinda far from her place and when she was about to approach the reservations area/ front desk area and was about to check-in she saw only one man who is going to accommodate her and…

“That’s weird! I am expecting that many tourists will be here but I think the resort’s price per night is kinda expensive too that’s why not many tourists go here,” Y/N thought and she just approached the front desk and she saw the man’s name and it was “Wooyoung”

“Oh! Good afternoon! May I help you?” Wooyoung asked.

“Umm… someone just gave me this coupon and here is my reservation,” Y/N said and Wooyoung checked the reservation and…

"Oh! You are Y/N! Nice to meet you! I hope you will have fun and enjoy your stay here," Wooyoung said as he handed the key card to the room and smiled at her.

"Thanks, Mr. Wooyoung! Also, I just noticed no one is checking in right now," Y/N said.

"Oh! About that, many of them just checked out before noon that's why you think there is no one here now as of the moment," Wooyoung said as he continued to smile at her.

“Oh! Okay! Thanks again, Mr. Wooyoung! I have to go to my room now!” Y/N said as she smiled back at him and Wooyoung just nodded. Then Y/N decided to go to her assigned room and as she reached the room she used the key card to open the door then as she went inside the room she was so amazed because it was so spacious and it was like she will live in a big condominium for 5 days and she saw the sight of the sea outside the veranda.

“Wow! I didn’t expect that the customer who gave me the coupon for this resort as an incentive for doing a good job is very generous!” Y/N said to herself and then suddenly…

“I am not only a customer! I am also your lover, Y/N!” Seonghwa said as he went out behind her and Y/N was startled and she looked back and she was shocked at his appearance.

“OMG! It’s Seonghwa! Damn! He is in a sleeveless shirt and he is so hot!” Y/N thought and…

“Wait! What did you say? Also, what are you doing here? This is my room,” Y/N said and Seonghwa smirked at her.

“I said I will also be your lover, Y/N! because I like you and I love you as soon as I saw you working in my sister’s cafe’,” Seonghwa said as he went closer to her then Y/N was surprised and blushed at his statement but she didn’t move an inch at his sudden action.

“Wait! I already heard those words or am I just mistaken? Oh well, I don’t mind!” Y/N thought.

“You are Ms. Park’s brother?” Y/N asked and Seonghwa laughed.

"Yup! Also, I am kinda disappointed in you right now because you didn't say anything about my confession to you right away," Seonghwa said and Y/N blushed.

"I am just so shocked about your sudden confession but I have to admit that I also like you too Seonghwa," Y/N said as she blushed and Seonghwa was so happy that made him kiss her passionately and then Y/N was shocked at his action and she just kissed him back.

“Wait! This feeling is kinda a familiar and it seems Seonghwa is really the man in my dream!” Y/N thought but suddenly they stopped and she just blushed and can’t look at him.

"Y/N, I am serious about my feelings to you, and also, let's get things slow first since I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me. But do you really accept me as your boyfriend starting today?" Seonghwa asked.

“Yes, Seonghwa! I will accept you as my boyfriend starting today,” Y/N said as she smiled at him.

“I am so happy that I will be with you for the next few days. To be honest, the owner of this resort is my friend named Wooyoung and I told him to make this resort private just for the two of us starting today until our last day here so that, no one can disturb us,” Seonghwa said and Y/N was shocked again.

"What? The man at the front desk is the owner and your friend?" Y/N asked shockingly and Seonghwa laughed.

“Yup! He is! Also, I planned this all along with my sister but she didn’t know at first that I was the one who placed the coupon in the survey box and wrote a message that she should give it to you,” Seonghwa said as he smiled at her.

“OMG! He is so handsome and cute!” Y/N thought.

“I am so overwhelmed for your plan to be with me but I am so happy too and also, during our stay here I am willing to give you myself to you,” Y/N said as she blushed at what she said and Seonghwa was surprised but he just smirked.

“It seems your last statement is inferring to something, huh? *he slightly smirked* But I will give you time if you are really want to give yourself during our stay here because I don’t want to rush things too,” Seonghwa said.

“Well, you are right! Let’s just enjoy first our vacation and we will make unforgettable memories here too,” Y/N said as she smiled at him.

"Don't worry I will make this 5 days of stay here unforgettable for us. I love you Y/N!" Seonghwa said.

“I love you too, Seonghwa!” Y/N said as both of them smiled at each other.

“So, what do you want to do right now? Swim in the sea or just in the pool or do other activities?” Seonghwa asked.

”I want to do all the activities here since no one is here just the two of us,” Y/N said and Seonghwa smiled at her.

“Okay! I will ask Wooyoung if we can also do all the available activities here,” Seonghwa said and Y/N nodded and she smiled brightly at him.

“I will just change into my swimwear,” Y/N said and Seonghwa nodded then he left the room and approached Wooyoung in the front desk area and…

“Bro! What brings you here? I thought you will be with Y/N.” Wooyoung asked.

“Yup! We already talked to each other. It’s just that Y/N wants to try all the activities here. Is it okay for us to do all of it?” Seonghwa asked.

“Sure! Don’t worry there will be some staff that will assist you. Also, it means you two are now in a relationship?” Wooyoung asked.

“Yup! I am so happy that we will be able to enjoy the rest of our vacation and also, thanks to you, bro!” Seonghwa said as he smiled at him and Wooyoung just chuckled.

“Congrats, bro! I am so happy for you and I hope your relationship with each other will last forever. Just enjoy and make good memories here in my resort,” Wooyoung said.

"Thank you very much, Wooyoung! I have to go back to the room and check out if Y/N is already finished changing" Seonghwa said.

“Okay! But I want to tell you there are condoms in the drawer that is close to the bed. You know, if in case,” Wooyoung said as he winked at him and Seonghwa just laughed.

“You even prepared condoms in our bedroom? Wow! You are really amazing, Wooyoung! Thanks a lot! I really have to go. Y/N might be waiting for me now,” Seonghwa said as he still slightly laughing and Wooyoung just nodded.

"Good luck, Bro!" Wooyoung said then while Seonghwa is walking back into the room he just made a thumbs-up gesture to him.

While Y/N is finished changing into her swimwear, Seonghwa went inside the room and he suddenly stopped in his tracks and gulped.

“Damn! Y/N is so hot with that red swimwear! Oh well, I should control myself first,” Seonghwa thought.

“So, did you already talk with your friend?” Y/N asked as she smiled at him.

"Yup! He told me that we can try all the activities here and there will be some staff that will assist us. By the way, you are so sexy with that swimwear" Seonghwa said as he smiled at her and Y/N blushed at his compliment.

“Oh! Thank you! To be honest, this will be my first time to wear this swimsuit and I am kinda insecure with my body too,” Y/N said then Seonghwa walked closer to her and held her hand…

“Y/N, No need to be insecure, okay? Your body looks great and also, you are beautiful for me,” Seonghwa said as he looked at her and smiled.

"Thank you very much, Seonghwa! By the way, can you put sunblock on my back?" Y/N asked.

"Sure! But wait for a while," Seonghwa said and Y/N nodded but her eyes suddenly opened widely because Seonghwa removed his sleeveless shirt and…

"Shit! He is really the man in my dream! Those firm chest and abs are really similar to what I saw in my dream!" Y/N thought as her jaw dropped and Seonghwa noticed it and…

“I know I am hot, Y/N!” Seonghwa said as he smirked at her then Y/N suddenly snapped out of her thoughts and looked away.

“Oh well, can you just put the sunblock now on my back? I already finished putting sunblock in my hands and legs,” Y/N said and Seonghwa chuckled at her.

"Okay! You should also help me put sunblock on my back, okay?" Seonghwa said and Y/N nodded. As Seonghwa started to put sunblock on her back…

“Gosh! His hands are so warm in my skin and it’s kinda soothing too,” Y/N thought but Seonghwa noticed that she is having goosebumps and…

“Y/N, are you ticklish? You keep having goosebumps,” Seonghwa said as he whispered at her ears that made Y/N shiver because of his deep voice.

“Ummm… you are right I am kinda ticklish. Haha!” Y/N said as she tried to laugh then Seonghwa laughed too.

“I thought it was because of my touch,” Seonghwa said as he smirked and Y/N blushed at his statement.

“You know, I should just help you to put the sunblock on your back, right now,” Y/N said and Seonghwa just nodded. As Y/N went behind him and started to put sunblock on him…

"You really have broad shoulders, huh?" Y/N said as she continued to put the sunblock on his back that made Seonghwa smirked.

"Well, I guess I am really good at exercising. Also, I like your touch it's like you are massaging me too," Seonghwa said and Y/N gulped at his words and she just laughed at his statement. As Y/N finished putting sunblock on him…

“So, what do you want to do first today?” Seonghwa asked as he smiled at her and looked at her with cute eyes and Y/N can’t handle his cuteness.

“You know, you are too cute! But I want to swim first in the pool for a moment then go beside the sea and do some other water activities if we still have time before sunset,” Y/N said.

“Okay! Let’s go!” Seonghwa said as he put his hands on her waist and Y/N blushed at his action but they just went to the pool and have some fun where they play some games and Y/N keeps losing and…

“Wait! I am kinda tired now, let’s rest first haha!” Y/N said then Seonghwa laughed at her. But while they are in the pool they are also admiring the scenery of the sea but Y/N didn’t know that Seonghwa is staring at her for a minute and…

“This is so relaxing because of the beautiful scenery here,” Y/N said while she is not looking at him.

"Yup! But for me, you are the beautiful scenery in my eyes Y/N," Seonghwa said and Y/N looked at him then she was kinda startled when Seonghwa's face is already close to her face and he just kissed her lips passionately and she just responded to his kisses then while they are still kissing, Seonghwa pulled Y/N close to him that made her moan into the kiss because she also felt his erection. As they continue to make out, one of Seonghwa's hands was about to go to her legs, but suddenly someone coughed behind them then they suddenly stopped at what they are doing and Seonghwa looked who it is.

“Oops! Sorry to disturb your moment guys!” Wooyoung said and Seonghwa glared at him and Y/N blushed.

“Seriously? You ruin the moment, Wooyoung!” Seonghwa said and Wooyoung chuckled.

“I don’t have any intention to disturb you guys for your moment but remember that this is still my resort and you should do those things in the bedroom because it’s more romantic than doing in the swimming pool and you two will make the water dirty too, Okay? I have to go and I am sorry to disturb the two of you,” Wooyoung said as he made a teasing smile at them and left then Y/N just laughed and Seonghwa looked at her.

“Why are you looking at me? Besides your friend is right. Haha!” Y/N said as she smiled at him and Seonghwa just chuckled.

“Fine! Let’s go walk beside the sea,” Seonghwa said and Y/N nodded. While they are both walking near the sea…

“Y/N did you had a boyfriend before?” Seonghwa asked.

“Nope! To be honest, you are my first boyfriend,” Y/N said as she looked and smiled at him that made Seonghwa smiled back brightly at her.

"I am happy that I am your first boyfriend. So, it means you are also Ummm…" Seonghwa can't finish his question and Y/N understood what is he about to ask her and…

"I get it! You wanted to ask me if I am still a virgin? Yup! I am not the type of person who is hooking up with someone," Y/N said and Seonghwa laughed awkwardly.

"To be honest, I am so shy to ask you that question but hearing your answer makes me happy that I might be your first," Seonghwa said as he blushed.

“You know, you are very cute when you are shy and also, I really like your eyes,” Y/N said.

“Thanks, Y/N! For me, I like you very much in all aspects,” Seonghwa said and it was Y/N’s turn to blush at his words.

“You really know how to use sweet words, aren’t you? But I like it though,” Y/N said as she smiled.

"Well, I think so! We've been walking here for a minute. I think we should try now some activities since it's already 3 pm then, we will eat dinner later in our room beside the veranda so that, we can witness the sunset," Seonghwa said.

“Okay! That’s a good idea!” Y/N said. Then both of them tried the water activities before sunset and they had so much fun and also, they took photos of each other. After a while, they went to their room and called the restaurant to order food for their dinner then while they are waiting for their dinner, they watched the sunset and…

"I am very happy that I had a chance to experience this kind of vacation because of you, Seonghwa," Y/N said as she smiled at him.

“No problem, Y/N! I am happy that you really like my plan for us,” Seonghwa said. Then that time their food arrived and while they are having dinner they continued their conversation.

"Of course, I am really happy! Also, this will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me and, to be honest, I thought I will be all alone in my 5 days vacation," Y/N said as she pouted and Seonghwa laughed.

“You are also cute, Y/N when you are like that. Don’t worry I will never make you feel alone. I think I am also thankful for my friend Wooyoung that he decided to give that coupon to me and I just thought of a way for us to meet,” Seonghwa said.

"Oh! That's really sweet!" Y/N said then both of them smiled at each other and when they are finished having dinner, Y/N was about to go somewhere but suddenly Seonghwa pulled her to sit on his lap that made Y/N surprised at his action but when she was about to talk, Seonghwa kissed her again passionately for the third time today and she just responded to the kiss and she decided to sit on his lap properly as she straddles her legs to him then she slightly grinds on his erection that made both of them moan into the kiss. Then while they are still kissing, Seonghwa decided to carry her and Y/N wrapped her legs around his waist and they went inside the room. Seonghwa lay Y/N in the bed and his lips went to her neck as he licks and bites it delicately that made her moan his name then while he is giving attention to her neck and jawline, he grinds his erection into her that made Y/N moan his name more and then he stopped what he is doing then Seonghwa helped Y/N remove her swimwear and when she was already naked, she tried to cover herself but Seonghwa held her hands and…

"Baby girl don't cover it. I told you that you are sexy for me," Seonghwa said as he licks and bites his lips at the sight of her being naked.

“Shit! The way he talked to me is so hot!” Y/N thought then her thoughts were cut-off when it was Seonghwa’s turn to strip and when he already removed his shorts together with his boxers, Y/N was shocked and gulped at the sight of his cock and…

“Oh gosh! How will it fit that to me?” Y/N thought and Seonghwa smirked at her reaction.

"I know what you are thinking, babygirl! This will fit you, no worries!" Seonghwa said in a deep voice that made Y/N shiver down from her spine. Then Seonghwa pushed again Y/N in the bed and his lips suddenly attacked one of her breasts as he sucked harshly and lightly bit her nipple and the other one was groped by one of his hands that made Y/N moan his name and slightly arched her back.

"Fuck! You are so sensitive! I love that!" Seonghwa said as he smirked then after he gave attention to her breast, he kissed every inch of her and Y/N can't stop moaning his name. When Seonghwa already reached between her legs, he decided to insert two fingers to her core and…

"Oh shit! Seonghwa! Ah!" Y/N moaned and Seonghwa just smirked at her then he started to thrust his fingers to her at a fast pace and Y/N moaned his name louder, gripped the bedsheets, and arched her back.

“Fuck! You are so hot seeing you like this, Y/N! I want you to make eye contact with me,” Seonghwa said as he slightly lifted her head and Y/N tried to make eye contact with him.

"Oh Damn! His eyes are so sexy too when he is horny!" Y/N thought but when Seonghwa curled his fingers inside her core, she broke eye contact with him as she just closed her eyes and moaned his name louder and was immersed in pure pleasure.

“Seonghwa! I will cum! Shit!” Y/N moaned.

“Cum for me, right now babygirl!” Seonghwa said then as soon as Y/N heard his words, she cum onto his fingers and he licked his fingers sexily then Y/N saw it.

"Damn! He is the sexiest man I ever met in my life!" Y/N thought then her thoughts were cut-off when Seonghwa kissed her with hunger that made Y/N taste herself in his mouth. Then they suddenly stopped kissing and Seonghwa went to the drawer to get a condom and Y/N looked at him and…

“Gosh! He is really a masterpiece!” Y/N thought. Then that time, Seonghwa went back to her and he put the condom into his cock and hovered above and looked at her…

“Y/N, you told me that you are willing to give yourself to me, right?” Seonghwa asked.

“Yup! It means we can go further,” Y/N said and Seonghwa smiled at her.

“Okay! If you feel the pain you can bite me my neck or squeeze my arms,” Seonghwa said and Y/N nodded.

“So, are you ready for me, Y/N?” Seonghwa asked.

“Yes! I am ready for you! I love you Seonghwa!” Y/N said.

"I love you too so much, Y/N!" Seonghwa said then he inserted his cock into her and Y/N suddenly squeezed his arms and yelped in pain. Seonghwa decided to lean into her and he kissed her neck and lips to distract her from the pain and…

"Don't worry, Y/N! I will give you so much pleasure later," Seonghwa said as he whispered to her and licked her earlobe. But as time goes by, Y/N already adjusted to him, and…

“Seonghwa, you can move now!” Y/N said.

"Are you sure?" Seonghwa asked and Y/N nodded then Seonghwa smirked and he started to thrust his cock to her at a slow pace first but…

"Seonghwa! Just go faster, please!" Y/N said.

“Oh! Someone’s needy, huh? I will give you more than that!” Seonghwa said as he smirked and he started to thrust his cock to her at a fast and hard pace and he decided to attack her breast again as he bit her nipples and Y/N moaned his name louder and gripped his biceps again.

“Fuck! You are so tight, Y/N! I like it so much!” Seonghwa said then that didn’t stop him to be wild and he decided to place one of her legs in his shoulder that made his cock got deeper to her then he continued to thrust at a hard pace.

“Oh shit! Seonghwa! More, please!” Y/N said.

"Fuck! If that's what you want! I will give it to you until you beg me to stop," Seonghwa said as he gritted his teeth and bite his lips as he started to thrust at a rough pace to her. As Y/N felt Seonghwa is getting wilder in each moment, Y/N uncontrollably arched her back and almost screamed his name because of the pure pleasure she felt and Seonghwa smirked at the sight of her being in pure bliss.

“Fuck! You are so sexy seeing you being a mess underneath me,” Seonghwa said as he whispered to her and hugged her body close to him that made Seonghwa’s cock got deeper into her and hit all the right places inside her and Y/N became crazy and moaned loudly in each thrust of his cock but because of that, she became oversensitive and…

“Seonghwa! I will cum! Oh shit!” Y/N said.

"Cum with me, Y/N! Fuck!" Seonghwa said then in a few thrust of his cock, both of them moaned each other's name as they cum and when Seonghwa pulled out his cock to her, Y/N slightly moaned because of her core being emptied by his cock. But Y/N thought it was already finished but after Seonghwa removed the condom and threw it in the trash bin, he went between her legs, Y/N was shocked and she just rests her head back in the pillow and…

“I know you want to rest now, Y/N. But I want to clean you up and taste you for the last time,” Seonghwa said as he smirked then he started to lick and suck her juices off her core that made a slurping sound in the room that made Y/N continued to moan his name and then Seonghwa stopped and looked at her…

“You really have a delicate taste and I like it,” Seonghwa said as he smirked and lick his lips.

“Oh gosh! This man here in front of me is so dangerous and sexy!” Y/N thought. Then Seonghwa laid beside her and…

“So, did you enjoy what we did all for today?” Seonghwa asked as he smiled at her.

“Seriously? How can he change like from a horny and sexy man into a cutie one!” Y/N thought.

“Well, I enjoyed our first day here and for the last time, I really thank you for all of it!” Y/N said as she smiled back.

"Just for you, Y/N! I will make you feel special every day and we will cherish every moment we have. I love you, Y/N!" Seonghwa said as he kissed her lips quickly.

"I love you too so much Seonghwa!" Y/N said as both of them smiled and then they hugged each other as they went to sleep. As for their remaining days of vacation, they enjoyed every moment, and also, they have an enjoyable bonding with San and Wooyoung in the resort.

 끝 THE END

Thank you for reading my one-shot smut fanfiction for Ateez’s Seonghwa!

Stay tuned for the next member! :)

고마워요 여러분! (Thanks, Everyone!)

[alolowrites]

A Vision Come to Life

Summary: Every artist wants to bring their own paintings to life. Sero is no different after he becomes infatuated with you—a beautiful stranger who exists in his dreams. One night he sees your face and decides to paint you with all his heart.

Song: “Pintame” by Elvis Crespo

Author’s Note: I always had this story idea in my head after listening to this song. It was different, and I just had to write it out. Not sure why it took me forever to get it done. Probably because I don’t know much about painting and really did not want to make a fool out of myself (I’m sorry if something is wrong, I tried my best with the research ���😭😭). 

On another note, this is my first story for Sero so yay! Please enjoy!

Word Count: 1.6K+

Sero felt alive again.

He rushed into his private art studio, nearly tripping over the blemished tarp covering the floor. Both sleeves hastily rolled up past his elbows. Sero swiveled nonstop and panicked when he couldn’t find the cart filled with the art supplies. Ah, it was at the far corner; he wheeled it closer to the center. Precious time was fleeting, and so was the inspiration that came to his head just now.  

After being stuck in a rut for almost a month, Sero was itching to paint something. Or more accurately, he was dying to paint a certain someone. And that person was you—a stranger he’d never met in his life. Yet, you managed to invade his dreams every night for the last two weeks. It was like a game; you waltzed in, giggling up a storm, and Sero ran after you. He saw your back, but never your face; he would wake up just when you’d turn around to show yourself. That was how all his dreams ended.  

Until this morning.

Sero plopped down on the stool that wobbled under his weight. The blank canvas stared back at him. Fingers scrambled to grab a charcoal pencil lost in a messy pile of his art supplies. A good sketch of your head and shoulders was key to bringing you to life. His eyes followed the delicate strokes that fleshed out your beautiful features. He didn’t want to miss out on a single detail on this painting.

Especially that lovely face of yours, the one that took his breath away. Sero gave special attention to those unique details. A quick solution was added to seal the sketch and left to dry. Sero distracted himself by prepping his materials. All his fingers twitched, and he bit the inside of his cheek so hard it could bleed. The urge to paint you drove him insane. He couldn’t help it—the artistic flame was burning again, and much stronger than before.

His eyes wandered to the canvas. One touch and the corners of his lips curved; it was dried. The imaginary chains broke loose, allowing Sero to dive straight into his work. A ray of sunlight peeked through the windows. Sero grinned, brushing the paint across your cheeks. Each movement felt natural, and he let you—his muse—be his guide.

Sero wanted to capture everything about you.

He painted your nose so he could breathe the same air as you. He painted your lips, those soft and luscious lips that begged for a kiss. He painted your eyes that left him mesmerized no matter where he stood. He painted you with every bit of passion and desire raging in his heart and soul.

You only existed in his dreams, but Sero knew that’s not where you belonged. His mind was too cramped for your magnificent presence. You deserved better than that. Which was why Sero chose to paint you on the largest canvas he owned like the absolute queen you were. Anything less would fail to showcase your exquisite beauty in Sero’s eyes.

Another stroke here. A dash of color there. A touch of shade everywhere. Not once did the paintbrush stop its graceful dance across the canvas. It was as though Sero was under a spell where his only focus was on you. Sero succumbed to the madness clouding his sense of reality. There was no use fighting against it. He trusted you, the lovely muse living in his mind, to control him until he finished the masterpiece.

Sero switched to a thinner brush so he could add the finer details with great precision. He paid special attention to your eyes and lips. The tip of the brush dabbed around your irises, emphasizing the playful glint that drove Sero crazy. As for your lips, they carried a mischievous smile as though you knew something he did not.

An exhausted sigh broke the silence. Sero wiped the sweat beads trickling down his forehead. He finished and took a couple of steps back to admire his artwork. A tired, but satisfied smile, stretched across his face. He lowered his color palette and paintbrush, ignoring the cramped muscles around his fingers.

You were worth the pain.

As Sero cleaned up his materials, he couldn’t help but feel as though he was being watched. The back of his hair stood up as he twiddled a dirty rag. Sero gazed at the painting. Everything about the portrait was spectacular and impressively realistic despite being a figment of his imagination. You weren’t real. So why did he feel nervous as your eyes followed him out the door?

Sero shook his head. The paint was making him see things. Besides, it was also late, and his strained eyes needed to rest. He passed out the moment his head hit the pillow. Sero expected to see you again in his dreams, and he waited. But tonight, you did not come.

A loud knock woke Sero up.

He hissed as the morning sun blinded his eyes. Another knock banged on the door, and Sero tossed the bed covers aside. Who wanted to see him so early in the day? Sero groaned, shuffling his feet down the hall. He answered the door with disheveled hair and yesterday’s clothes on his back. In hindsight, Sero should have made himself more presentable.

Only who would have guessed the person knocking on his door was you—the muse that lived in his dreams. Sero stumbled forward, grabbing the doorframe for support. Was he still dreaming? If he was, everything felt too real. Sero didn’t know whether or not to close his agape mouth, and you giggled.

“Hi, there!” Sero was taken aback by the sound of your voice. His breath hitched, and you tilted your head as though everything was normal. You bowed politely while sharing your name. “Sorry if I woke you up so early! I’m the new neighbor living down the hall. I forgot to introduce myself after moving in yesterday.”

“I-It’s f-fine.”

That was a lie, and Sero knew it. The young artist was in awe as he took in your overwhelming presence. You were more stunning in the flesh than in his imagination and artistic piece combined. His heart pounded as he studied your facial features. Everything was the same—your adorable nose, your lively eyes, and your radiant smile. They were the same ones he painted for hours until they looked perfect. Sero was sure he saw the brush strokes peeking through your skin.

“Hey, you okay?” Sero nearly laughed; he didn’t know where to begin with that question. You inched dangerously close to his face with a raised eyebrow. “You look a little pale, almost as if you saw a ghost or something.”

“I, ah, slept late last night,” he wheezed out, his chest squeezing itself tight. There was no way you were real. Sero swallowed a thick gulp. “I was, um, just working on—”

“An art piece?” Now that sent a shiver down Sero’s spine. You chuckled, dismissing the surprised look in eyes. “You’re covered in paint, silly!”

Sero relaxed slightly. “Oh, right…”

“Well, does this cute artist have a name?”

“I’m Sero Hanta, sorry about that,” he rubbed the back of his neck. You hummed, as though you already knew his name. A cheeky grin crept on your face. It was at that moment Sero noticed a playful gleam flash across your eyes. He knew because he painted that exact expression until his fingers became numb. But you weren’t real.

“Oh no worries,” you stood up straight, carrying an air of mystery. Your allure reeled Sero in like a siren beckoning a ship full of fishermen lost at sea. “I’m glad we finally had the chance to meet. Maybe we can talk some more, say this afternoon at a nearby café? You can even show me around the neighborhood. I’ve been meaning to stretch my legs after unpacking all day yesterday.”

“S-sure.”

“Perfect.”  

On the surface, your smile was innocent. However, Sero picked up the subtle slyness hiding underneath. He knew because, like your eyes, he painted those exact lips. Sero’s hand twitched as he watched you saunter away. Seconds later, he slammed the door and rushed down the hall to his art studio.

Sero barged into the room with his chest heaving uncontrollably. Sweat beads rolled down his neck, and he felt oddly hot in his wrinkly clothes. The color on his face drained as he stumbled closer to the canvas. Raggedy breaths filled the room, shocked eyes growing wider with every step he took toward the art piece.  

You were gone; only the background remained inside the canvas. Sero circled the easel, trying to make sense of what was happening. One hand pushed his hair up in distress. All the signs were pointing to one thing, and he refused to believe it. You weren’t real; you were just muse from his dreams. Just a beautiful face that teased him every night and Sero painted you to admire your beauty with his own eyes.

Sero shook his head, denying everything. He struggled to stay sane and believed he was still dreaming. Any minute now, he will wake up, and your portrait will be there to greet his eyes. Sero mumbled under his breath to calm down. The artist glanced at the canvas only to do a quick double-take.

Both legs caved under the immense weight that dropped on his shoulders. Sero crawled to the canvas, his throat going dry. One finger hovered above the lower righthand corner with words written in charcoal pencil that read:

Thanks for painting me!

Sero brought his vision to life…literally.

Thank you for reading!

[erin-bo-berin]

Baby Shoes

MASTERLIST

Finally, this fic is here! This takes place over the course of a year and is told from Spencer’s perspective and how he handles his grief. Also, just a note. I’m aware I jumped from two months to four months. At first, I was going to do like every couple of months, but then I had ideas for the upcoming months and just left it like that. So just a heads up, it’s not a typo.

TRIGGER WARNING for anyone who’s ever went through a miscarriage. I don’t know if anyone who has might stumble upon this, but if you aren’t in the right headspace to read something like this then please don’t. Even though this is a work of fiction, I know it’s a very real, hard and triggering subject for some. So if you’re in a bad headspace and find yourself not being able to read this, I understand completely.

Sit back, relax (maybe with some tissues cause this hurt to write) and enjoy all 11k words. Happy reading!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: G (angst)

Word Count: 11,051

Spencer woke to sounds of laughter.

He opened his eyes to see early morning rays of sunlight streaming through the cracked blinds. He figured it had to be around 7:00, maybe 7:30.

He tossed the sheets off his body, getting out of bed.

He could hear Y/N’s voice as he walked down the hall from the bedroom, heading towards the kitchen. He recognized another sound as the television playing, as well.

The scent of freshly cooked bacon wafted from the direction of the kitchen. He thought he smelled pancakes too.

Rounding the corner into the kitchen, he saw Y/N at the stove fixing breakfast, their little girl sitting at her feet on the floor, chewing on a toy of hers.

Sensing his entrance, her tiny head turned, grinning big when she spotted him. 

She was quite literally the perfect mixture of him and Y/N. She had his curls, but Y/N’s hair color. Her eye shape and color was all Spencer, but her lips and mouth came from Y/N. She had Spencer’s nose, yet Y/N’s face shape. Her smile was as bright as her father’s and her skin the shade of her mother’s. 

It seemed, in theory, to be the weirdest combination of small features from both of them, but it worked. She was the most perfect little girl.

But then again, he was a tad bit biased.

The toy fell from her fist to the floor with a clang, forgotten for the moment as she crawled in his direction.

“Da da da da,” she babbled.

Y/N turned, finally noticing Spencer’s entrance.

“Morning,” she grinned at him, “You must’ve slept well, your bed head is insane.”

He chuckled, picking his little girl up in his arms, running the fingers of his free hand through his hair.

“Well I guess I know where her crazy bed head comes from,” he grinned, motioning to his daughter.

“I’ll say,” Y/N shook her head, exasperated, “By the way, breakfast is almost ready.”

He snatched a piece of bacon and took a bite, keeping it out of reach of the grabby baby hands.

“Do you mind feeding her while I finish this up? She’s getting hungry.”

“Sure,” he smiled, carrying her to her high chair, sitting her in it.

She immediately started fussing. She hated being constricted. Whether it was her high chair or her carrier, she wasn’t much of a happy camper not being able to be on the move. 

“I know, baby,” he cooed, “But daddy’s got breakfast for you.”

He grabbed the plate of cut up scrambled eggs and put some on the tray of her high chair. She stopped fussing, reaching a hand for the fluffy egg. Apparently, if food was involved, she’d tolerate being in the chair.

She held out a piece of egg to Spencer and he ate it out of her hand, making her smile big. His heart was so full of love for his daughter that he didn’t think it could expand any more than it already had. But every day, his heart grew just a little bit more, his love for her ever growing for as she herself grew.

He ran a hand over her mess of curls, kissing her head.

“I love you, baby girl.”

That was when his alarm rang.

Spencer laid awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. This time, he was awake for real.

This time, he was waking to reality.

His heart twisted painfully as he remembered the dream he’d had. One that was always recurring, one way or another.

What hurt the most was the fact that the dream represented exactly what his life was supposed to look like.

But life, as many knew, could be unfairly cruel.

•

It had been January 3rd. 

The holiday season had officially wrapped up; everyone was still in a holiday hangover mode and probably going back to work and school.

But for Spencer, it was the best day ever.

Y/N had taken at least half a dozen pregnancy tests, unbeknownst to him, before she finally told him.

He’d about fell off the couch in alarm when he’d heard her shriek from the bathroom. In a flash, he’d rushed to the bathroom, fearing something was wrong. He paused at the doorway, where she had been about to exit, to find him.

“What’s wrong?!” he asked, clearly panicked.

His eyes quickly scanned her for any injuries, blood, anything wrong. But she was crying. And smiling. The two displays of emotion couldn’t seem to connect in his brain, his worry clouding his thinking. He was so preoccupied with making sure she was okay, that he didn’t even notice the spread of pregnancy tests that laid on their bathroom counter.

“Y/N, what’s the matter? Are you okay?”

He was reaching out to her, when she spoke.

“I’m pregnant,” she said, her smile growing even more impossibly wide.

Spencer was so stunned for a moment, he didn’t know what to say. It was as if it took a minute for the words to leave her mouth and reach his brain.

Her forehead creased, now concerned that he wasn’t as happy about the news as she was.

Then, it finally clicked.

“You’re pregnant?!” he exclaimed, his entire face lighting up.

He was smiling so big; his dazzling smile was showing off his perfect teeth. His eyes that sparkled with joy were also crinkling at the corners. It was one of Y/N’s favorite looks on him. It was hard not to be happy when he smiled so big.

She nodded, still a bit apprehensive at his hesitation. She showed him the test.

“I’ve taken six. All came back positive.”

Then he did something that really surprised her. Spencer quite literally hooted from joy. His arms wrapped around her, hugging her tightly as he spun her around a time or two.

Her squeals of laughter warmed his heart as she clung to him, her face buried in his neck. He could feel her smile against his skin.

They had talked in depth about having children many, many times before. They both adored kids with all of their hearts and wanted to have their own some day. In fact, it most likely wasn’t a typical day unless one or the other made some sort of mention about their future kids.

They hadn’t been actively trying though. It was more of a case for them of letting it happen when it was supposed to happen. Apparently, it was in the cards for them that it happened sooner than they even expected it to.

“So you’re not upset, are you?” she asked when he finally set her down.

She chewed at her bottom lip. Something she tended to do when she was nervous.

She was still the tiniest bit concerned after seeing his blank face for the first couple of seconds.

“No! No,” Spencer reassured her, “You just caught me so off guard that it took me a minute to realize what you’d actually said.”

She chuckled.

“I know. I actually did a double take when I took the first test. I didn’t believe it, so I obviously had to check...five more times. Guess that explains why I almost puked at the smell of the turkey at Christmas.”

Spencer smiled, his hand resting on her stomach. It would still be a while before the signs of pregnancy would start to appear, but the thought of this tiny child that they’d both created was currently growing inside of her still amazed him.

His eyes met hers, their excitement and joy mirroring one another’s. 

It was going to be the start of an amazing new year.

•

A doctor’s appointment was scheduled to confirm the pregnancy.

After blood work and the other necessities, it was confirmed that Y/N was around six weeks pregnant. Spencer was overjoyed.

A due date of August 9th was set. Then it was time for the ultrasound.

A tiny nugget appeared on the screen. It literally looked like the size of a peanut.

“It’s our little peanut,” Spencer smiled, squeezing her hand.

Thus, the nickname Peanut was born. They’d use it at least until they found out the sex of the baby. Until then, Peanut it would be.

They both gazed in awe at the ultrasound screen as the tech checked to make sure everything was on track with the pregnancy, the baby was growing well, etc. It was surreal to Spencer to see this tiny life on the screen. One that ultimately belonged to both Y/N and him.

He didn’t expect to feel such an overwhelming amount of emotions as he was currently experiencing. 

He was happy, of course. He was nervous; becoming a parent was a big deal. That along with fear melded together as one, he was going to be partially responsible for this child.

He felt awe, he felt surprise, still not able to believe this was real.

But most importantly, he felt love. His heart was so filled with it. For the baby that he would meet at the end of this summer, for Y/N, the love of his life and all she was going to experience in the coming months to give this child shelter and then eventually, life.

After the appointment and with a copy of the ultrasound in hand, they headed home. He couldn’t wait to show the team the picture. 

This baby wasn’t even a full two months old yet, but he was already so proud of his child.

“He or she will definitely have your nose. I will riot if they don’t,” Y/N chuckled, looking at the picture.

“What? Why?”

His light laugh filled the car, amused by her statement.

“Because you have the cutest nose ever and our baby better have it,” Y/N pointed out.

It was then a thought occurred to him.

“I need to make a quick stop.”

-

Twenty minutes later, Spencer had returned to the car, a bag in hand. He’d made Y/N wait in the car while he chose his item. It was going to be a surprise.

“What’d you get?” she asked, trying to reach for the bag.

“Nuh uh,” he tutted, “It’s just something for the baby.”

He set the bag in the backseat, on the floor behind the driver’s seat where she couldn’t reach.

“Well then why can’t I see?”

“I want it to be a surprise,” he smiled.

He thought back to earlier in the store when he finally found what he had been looking for. He held one in the palm of his hand, amazed at how small they were.

They were perfect.

He paid for them and walked out with his new purchase, anxious to surprise Y/N at a later date with them.

They were a pair of baby converse shoes, in black, just like Spencer’s.

•

The entirety of the BAU were thrilled with the news. From the team to even other members who Spencer very rarely, if ever, worked with.

The ultrasound picture was passed around, Spencer beaming the entire time as they gave their congratulations, hugs, kisses and high fives.

“What do you know? The day has finally come that Dr. Spencer Reid has created offspring,” Luke Alvez joked.

“Hush,” Penelope Garcia scolded her boyfriend, “We’re all so excited for you, Spencer.”

“I knew it would happen,” Jennifer Jareau smiled, gazing at the picture, “Finally I get to be an aunt.”

David Rossi even threw a small celebration for them at his house for them with amazing, authentic Italian food and good wine—well, sparkling juice for Y/N.

There were many jokes, many smiles, many laughs and a lot of love.

Spencer was on cloud nine.

It was the best month ever.

•

January flew by.

Spencer was constantly busy with both his work and home life.

He and Y/N spent hours online looking at pictures for nursery inspiration. They looked at cribs, toys, clothes, both for little boys and little girls, dreaming of how cute Peanut would look in said outfit.

They researched names, already tossing names back and forth to get a feel of what one another liked and didn’t like.

He was relieved to know that so far, the first trimester had been pretty good to Y/N. Other than exhaustion and mild nausea, no other symptoms seemed to plague her at the moment.

Spencer could hardly wait for the weeks to pass. He was excited to watch their baby grow both inside the womb and outside.

It was another typical night getting ready for bed after a long day. Work had been long hours of paperwork on the latest case they’d just wrapped up.

As he had been doing, Spencer rubbed Y/N’s belly, talking to Peanut before settling in for the night.

“Good night Peanut,” he kissed her belly, “Get a good night’s sleep so you can grow big and strong and finally show everyone you’re in there.”

She chuckled, knowing good and well that Spencer was anxious for the pregnancy bump to finally appear.

He kissed her, told her goodnight and wished her sweet dreams before falling asleep at just about the same time his head hit the pillow.

February 3rd had been just another normal day.

-

Spencer was shook awake and his eyes shot open, his first thought being that he’d overslept and was going to be late for work.

He sat up, noticing that instead of the morning light filling the room, there was only a small glow from the bedside lamp lighting the room. It was still dark outside.

“Spencer.”

Something in Y/N’s tone made his stomach clench in dread. Her voice was choked and slightly shaky.

He turned her way, as she pushed the covers back, his eyes landing on the alarming pool of red staining the bedsheet.

“I won’t stop bleeding,” her voice cracked.

The next hour was filled with a flurry of activity. Him rushing her to the hospital, the nerve wracking time spent waiting on the doctor, the tests, the blood. All the blood.

It was like crimson laughter in their faces.

The doctor’s words were the nail in the coffin.

“You’ve miscarried, I’m so sorry.”

They were separated for a short while during the necessary procedure, due to her heavy, incessant bleeding. She had only been ten weeks.

It was February 4th. The day they lost their baby.

•

One Day

The ride home was awkward and silent. No words could be said. They didn’t even know what to say.

She was traumatized, he could tell by the haunted look in her tearful eyes.

She’d had to have a D&C, known as a Dilation & Curettage, for medical reasons. The doctor was too concerned about the amount of blood she was losing to let her go home and miscarry naturally.

He obviously hadn’t been through the procedure himself, but he knew it had to be traumatizing to think of a foreign object having to scrape out the remnants of the failed pregnancy.

As he drove home, he couldn’t help but cruelly compare this ride home to the one just a month prior. He felt hollow, like he was stripped of all his emotions. He couldn’t even cry.

He’d never known such a deep pain.

Where does one go from that?

•

One Month

He tried his best to comfort Y/N, but nothing ever seemed to work.

He’d tried to hold her while she cried, but she didn’t want to be touched.

He’d tried talking to her, but she didn’t want to talk.

He’d tried finding a therapist for her to see, but she didn’t want to go.

The subject of the miscarriage was taboo. They never spoke of it. It felt as if it had been erased from their lives all together, like the remnants of chalk on a chalkboard. 

His teammates were as devastated as he was, as if it was their own child they’d lost. 

When he told them, there was no need for words. There were a lot of hugs, a lot of apologies, a lot of if you need anything, let me know.

No one said it would be okay. He hadn’t even said it to Y/N because it wasn’t okay. They’d lost their child. A baby that never had a chance to grow, never had a chance to meet the outside world, one they would never get to meet.

It had been a month and he hadn’t cried.

He figured Y/N had done enough crying for the both of them. 

He felt like he didn’t deserve to cry. She was the one that had to go through the traumatic procedure, the one that had to discover the puddle of blood in the middle of the night. She was the one who blamed herself and her body for not being able to keep the baby alive.

He had no right to cry.

Sometimes, he heard her crying into her pillow at night when she thought he was asleep. He desperately wanted to hold her. He wanted to make everything okay. But he didn’t know if that was even possible.

-

It was one morning while he was getting ready for work when he found them.

He had just picked out his suit for the day from the closet when a bag tumbled and fell at his feet. He bent to pick it up, not realizing just yet what it was.

He peered inside, curiously, to see what it was before putting it back where it had fallen from.

His heart dropped when he spotted the pair of spotless, brand new baby Converse. He’d forgotten he’d hid it in the closet where Y/N wouldn’t find them, to surprise her later.

They had been forgotten amidst the chaos of the last several weeks.

He balled up the bag, stuffing it at the back of the closet where he didn’t have to see them again before shutting the door to both the closet and his heart.

•

Two Months

Spencer was thoroughly grateful for the recent heavy workload. Not that people being murdered was a good thing.

At least serial killers kept his mind busy.

“Spence, if you need some time off…” Emily Prentiss, friend, teammate and BAU Unit Chief offered hesitantly.

“Emily, I’m fine okay? Have I been doing a bad job lately?” Spencer asked.

“Well, no. You’ve been doing excellent work,” Emily answered, truthfully.

“Then there’s no problem, is there?”

She flinched just the tiniest bit at his sharper than normal tone. Most people would’ve missed it, but his trained, profiler eyes caught it.

“I’m just worried about you. You’ve been working a lot lately, staying late.”

He shrugged.

“Just staying on top of my work.”

“Is everything okay? Are you okay? You know, ever since…” she trailed off, hesitant to even mention the miscarriage.

That was something that was similar to how things at home were. No one mentioned the miscarriage and not out of respect, but more out of fear or the fact they just didn’t know what to say. He could see it in all their eyes though, always wondering.

He just wished they weren’t so worried about him. They could talk about it. He wouldn’t spontaneously lose it.

But at the same time, he was grateful they didn’t bring it up. Sometimes he was afraid that if the topic was broached that he would either break down or do the opposite and throw something.

Either way, work was ideal for keeping his mind focused.

“I’m okay.”

She seemed to believe him because she just nodded and left to head to her office without another word.

Work was about the only stable thing in his life right now.

He had gotten to where he dreaded going home because he couldn’t stand hearing Y/N cry. He never knew what to say.

Even when he’d tried, he always seemed to say the wrong thing.

How could he help her when she didn’t want to be helped?

Working late made it a bit easier to go home. He didn’t have to face her heartbreak. 

She was usually asleep by the time he crawled into bed, something he silently was thankful for, even if it did make him feel like a shitty person.

She had just recently gotten her first period since losing the baby. That was as close as they had gotten to actually talking about it.

Apparently, this period was the worst she’d had. She’d curled up in bed with bad cramps and had hardly left it for the last few days.

He hoped it was only because of her period.

•

Four Months

People said some of the most disheartening things.

It was apparent that sometimes, people just didn’t know what to say in a situation. In fact, sometimes it was appropriate to say nothing at all.

A variety of Y/N’s family members told her things like:

Well at least you can try for another one.

You’re young, you’ll have plenty of kids.

What’s to stop you from trying again?

Well at least it wasn’t a planned pregnancy.

Even strangers, when informed of the situation, had said things along the lines of you’ll have another baby.

That was the worst thing to say to anyone who had been in this same scenario. There was no way of knowing if any of that was true.

No one would say that to people who had lost a baby after it was born, so why say it to anyone who had lost an unborn baby?

The insensitive words were like a hammer to glass to Y/N’s mental health. Spencer could see her shrinking more into herself as the days passed.

She never said it, but he knew she blamed herself.

He also knew she had to talk about it, to heal.

“Y/N. We really need to talk about it,” Spencer told her, one day.

He couldn’t bring himself to actually say the word to her. He was almost afraid of what it would do to her.

“I told you Spencer, I don’t want to.”

“I understand that. But you need to talk about it. You need to get it out of your head.”

She shrugged, not seeming to care. He sighed, frustrated. He couldn’t help if she resisted, but he was willing to push a bit too.

“What if we went to a sort of group therapy? You don’t have to talk, just listen to other people’s stories.”

“No.”

“Please,” he almost begged.

He hated seeing her like this. All he wanted to do was to help her.

It was also a distraction from the turmoil that seemed to roll in him like a rebellious ocean wave, getting stronger by the day. But he had to remain strong, he needed to be her support.

Maybe it was because this wasn’t the first time he’d asked her to talk to someone, but she actually agreed.

With a quick online search, he found a support group that met every Saturday at 10 a.m. They were going to join the next one.

-

“I was eight weeks,” a woman with auburn hair, named Lily said.

“I found out I was pregnant when I was only a month along, so pretty early on,” she laughed half heartedly.

Spencer sat next to Y/N, holding her hand. 

It had been surprisingly easy to get her here this morning. Maybe because all the fight had left her, maybe she was ready to heal. Whatever it was, he was glad they were here.

The support group was rather casual. Just a dozen or so metal folding chairs placed in a circle. Anyone was welcome to share their story. You could just sit and listen. So far, all they’d done was listen. This was the second story they’d heard.

“I started cramping about ten hours before everything started. I didn’t think of much of it since I knew some cramping is normal in pregnancy. I had to be up early for work, so I went to bed early, hoping a good night’s sleep would help.”

Spencer could feel the tight squeeze of Y/N’s grip. He knew this was hard for her. It was for him, too.

“I woke up two hours before I had to be at work. I was bleeding a lot,” Lily’s voice cracked as she tried not to cry.

“I went to use the bathroom before going back to sleep and that’s when I noticed a gray clump.”

A few of the others reached over squeezing Lily’s arms or rubbing her back, giving her encouragement to continue.

“I was shaking and crying when I went to wake my husband. We went to the ER and they later confirmed that I had miscarried.”

Lily dabbed at her eyes with the tissue she’d been holding in her hands.

“That was last year. Sometimes it still hurts as much as it did in that moment. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. Me and my husband have been trying to conceive again, but haven’t had any luck. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s because I feel so guilty for wanting to be pregnant again even though I lost a child.”

A chair scraped back against the linoleum floor. It took a moment for Spencer to realize it was Y/N’s.

She stood, running out of the room before he could call after her.

The rest of the group eyed him sympathetically and he mumbled an apology and excused himself.

He found her outside by the car, sobbing her heart out.

“Y/N,” he tried to touch her arm.

She jerked away from his grip.

“Don’t touch me,” she snapped.

He stepped back, shocked at her outburst.

“How could you drag me to something like this?!”

“What do you mean? I thought it would help.”

“You really think it helps to hear women talk about something that was one of the worst days of my life?” she cried, “It didn’t help! It just made me want to forget about it more!”

“Y/N, please,” he said, trying once again to pull her towards him.

“No. I hate you! I hate you for making me come here!”

With that, she spun on her heel, jerking the car door open and getting in, slamming it behind her.

He stood, staring at the place she had just been standing. He wanted to jerk the car door open himself. He wanted to yell too.

He wanted to yell that he’d lost a baby too.

But he didn’t. He simply got in the car quietly and drove home.

•

Five Months

The dreams started in the summer.

Usually it would be some sort of dream where Spencer would wake up to Y/N and their child. It usually differed if it was a boy or a girl.

One dream he’d had recently, he’d taken his little boy to the playground. He watched the toddler play in the sandbox, go down the slide, proud of doing it by himself for the first time. Then he swung on one of the bright yellow swings. He even teeter-tottered in Spencer’s lap. Spencer was too afraid to let the little boy be on it by himself just yet.

It had felt so real, being there on that cool fall day watching his child play, oblivious to everything in the world but his gleeful joy of having the entire playground to himself.

The dreams bothered Spencer more than he cared to admit. Yet, he told no one about them. Not even Y/N.

Things were tense with them, more so than ever. After her outburst because of the support group, they never went back. They also spoke less. 

They hadn’t even been intimate since the ordeal.

Not that he had expected to, but this was different than just the normal grieving. He could feel cracks starting to appear in their relationship. It felt like cracks were starting to appear in the concrete protective layer around his heart, that shielded off his emotions.

It was like living with a stranger, sharing a bed with a stranger.

Sometimes he wondered who was worse off, Y/N or himself.

•

Six Months 

August was the hardest month yet.

If Y/N had still been pregnant, she would’ve been having the baby soon, if she hadn’t already.

He often wondered what the baby would have looked like. If he or she would’ve looked more like Y/N or more like him. Would it have been stubborn like Y/N? Smart like him? Outgoing like her? Shy like him? What would have been the baby’s favorite toy? Would it have crawled early? Maybe start walking before they were a year old?

The thoughts of a future that they weren’t able to have with this baby were the most toxic thing to his mentality. It was like the “what ifs”; once you started thinking about them, you couldn’t stop.

JJ was the only one to mention it at work that day. 

They’d only gotten back the night before from a case in California. 

Lately, time away from each other was the best thing for him and Y/N. Gone was the playful, loving relationship they’d had.

In its place was a cold, frigid, fragile relationship. 

Spencer was at a loss of what to do anymore. All they did was bicker. That was something they’d never done much of before.

Sure, they’d had arguments, a few bad ones here and there, but these were much worse. 

There was a mountain of unsaid words between them that had been steadily built over the last half year. He knew it was as much as his fault as it was hers, but at one point he actually thought it would soon resolve itself.

He never expected it to get to this point.

“How are you?” JJ asked, leaning against the edge of his desk.

By this point he was torn between being tired of being asked how he was and actually wanting to be asked how he was. Besides his best friends and teammates, no one had asked how he was. Not even Y/N.

He gave a little shrug, which of course she saw right through.

“Today was her due date, wasn’t it?”

He had to give JJ the benefit of the doubt. She had had a miscarriage herself. In fact, hers was in a horrible way as well. She lost her baby after being injured in an explosion. If anyone, JJ would understand that sort of pain.

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“How are you, really?” she asked.

“Not great,” he answered truthfully.

“Is Y/N not any better?” 

JJ had been the only one he’d confided in about his current relationship problems. Even though she didn’t know what to say, she listened.

“No. Things are awful.”

He’d been resorting to sleeping in an interview room every now and then. JJ caught him once and only then did she realize just how badly things had gotten.

“She still doesn’t want to talk about it?” she frowned.

Spencer shook his head.

“Maybe she’s only following your lead, Spence,” she pointed out gently.

His brows furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t grieved properly yourself, have you?”

He pressed his lips together, refusing to answer. But JJ had known him for over 15 years. She didn’t have to hear the answer to know what it was.

“I know you hold your emotions close to you, so tightly in fact that you don’t show them at all. You busy yourself with helping others, burying yourself in work, doing anything but processing your emotions. You know as well as I do that that isn’t healthy.”

He remained quiet, staring at his desk. He really didn’t feel like being lectured right now.

“She’s just doing the exact same thing in her own way. Instead of not showing her emotions, she refuses to talk about it, which she thinks would help her heal and move on. Just like facing your grief would help you heal.”

He still wasn’t looking at her, but he listened.

“Spencer. Look at me.”

Her tone was firm. The tone of a concerned friend.

He looked up at her. He was almost positive the pain shone in his eyes.

“A miscarriage is a strange thing. You’re grieving the loss of a person who you never even met. You’re grieving for the person that baby never got to become, for the moments and memories you’d never get. It’s a hard thing to process and it’s hard on both the mother and the father. You may not have gone through the physical aspects that Y/N did, but you were still there. It was your baby that you lost too.”

This much he knew. It was the thought that was constantly in the back of his head, desperately trying to trigger all the emotions he’d been repressing.

“You both need to heal, Spence,” she said softly, “Because it’s much harder to fix a broken relationship when both people are just as broken.”

With that, she left him with his thoughts.

-

If he thought the day would get any better, it didn’t.

Y/N wasn’t home when he came home that night. It was after 10 p.m. when she finally stumbled in, drunk.

“Where were you?” 

Spencer had been worried. If it weren’t for the fact that all her clothes and belongings were still in the house, he would’ve thought that she’d left him. Even after that irrational thought, he was worried for her well being.

“Like you care,” she mumbled, stumbling as she kicked her heels off.

“If you checked your phone, you would see I called and text you dozens of times asking where you were!” he said, exasperated.

“I went out for a drink,” was all the explanation she gave.

“Clearly you had more than one,” he mumbled.

“I’m an adult, I can,” she huffed, “Besides it’s not like I’m pregnant or anything.”

He couldn’t help it. He winced at her remark. It cut deeper than he cared to admit.

“You’re drunk.”

“Wow, aren’t you a smart one?” 

The sarcasm dropped from her tongue like honey.

“Go get changed. I’m gonna make you some coffee so you can sober up.”

He rubbed his forehead, already tired of this argument. It wasn’t even a bad one at that. It just showed how drained he’d become lately, mentally and emotionally.

“I don’t need your help,” she mumbled, heading down the hallway to the bedroom, “I’m going to bed.”

She may not have needed his help, but he was there with her all night as she vomited in the toilet almost every hour. He held her hair back and rubbed her back.

Her drunken tears, he knew, were a true reflection of her sober emotional state.

When it seemed like she would be able to keep something down, he fetched her a bottle of water and two ibuprofen to fend off the hangover she was sure to have in the morning.

The day had finally ended, finally becoming a day in the past.

As he finally laid down to sleep that night, he felt like another piece of him had crumbled away. He wasn’t sure how much more of himself there was to break.

He slept on the couch that night. It was the first of many nights there.

•

Seven Months

Spencer found himself paying more and more attention to children around him.

He couldn’t deny it anymore. He so desperately wanted to be a father. 

He wanted to hear the sweet baby gurgles and baby talk. He wanted to hear them say dada for the first time. He wanted to see them begin to crawl, learn to walk, turn from baby to toddler, from toddler to child.

He wanted to hear the patter of feet and the peals of happy laughter as they played. He wanted to be greeted by his kids running for him when he walked in the door from work. He wanted to read them bedtime stories and take them for ice cream.

He wanted to play with them and cuddle them and hear them say I love you daddy.

Most of all, he wanted that with Y/N.

As hard as things had become, he still couldn’t picture himself loving anyone like he loved her. 

Cases with children were getting tougher for him to shut out after they had solved it. It was hard to see parents with their children. 

He was angry at the world. He wanted to know why he hadn’t been good enough to be a father already.

What if it was because he wasn’t home enough? Or because his job was too dangerous?

The baby would’ve been roughly a month old now. It would’ve lost some of its birth weight to gain it back again, its features would be steadily changing every day, looking a little bit different than it had the day before.

It would probably start smiling a little bit by now, even be aware of the sights and sounds around it.

If only things had been different.

•

Eight Months

Life had slowly begun to fall apart around him.

If Spencer thought he’d felt numb before, then this was what that had been, but ten times worse.

He went through the motions of life on autopilot.

Work.

Home.

Sleep.

Repeat.

He shut out his friends, not bothering to return calls. Lying about how he was, how things were, just to appease them.

After an almost fatal mistake on his part on a current case, Emily told him to take some time off.

It wasn’t a suggestion either.

It had been months since things were amicable with Y/N. Sometimes it felt like the way their relationship previously was had been in another lifetime.

He couldn’t remember the last time they’d said I love you to each other.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d kissed her or held her.

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt normal.

Alone at home for an unknown amount of time, Spencer was forced to acknowledge something.

He was broken.

•

Nine Months 

Things seemed to have made a bit of improvement. The time away from work surprisingly seemed to help a bit.

Y/N seemed to be in a better headspace than she had been. Maybe not completely great, but they were speaking again.

It was tentative at first. It was something as simple as asking if he needed anything at the grocery store.

“I don’t think so,” he answered honestly.

“Well I was thinking of making chicken cacciatore for dinner tonight,” she said softly.

That caught his attention. It was one of his favorite dishes of hers.

Whether it was a peace offering or an olive branch of sorts, he decided he wasn’t going to press his luck and accept it.

“That sounds good.”

He offered a small smile, one which she returned.

That night, they ate dinner in the same room together, actually at the kitchen table. They weren’t hiding away in different rooms, passing one another like ghosts, but were actually enjoying each other’s company again.

No serious stuff was discussed. 

They talked about how his work was going and how her part time job as a secretary was going—she’d gotten a part time job shortly before the incident, not because of money, but something to do. He hadn’t been the only one diving into work a lot more in the past months. Most of the time when she hadn’t been home, she had been at work, volunteering to take on extra hours.

It was kind of sad when Spencer thought about it. How they both volunteered to do extra work just so they could avoid each other and the elephant in the room.

They talked about the new season of a show they’d begun watching ages ago, how they needed to watch it. Whether they actually would or not was yet to be seen.

At the end of the day, it was a step in the right direction for them. Maybe things would get better after all.

•

Ten Months 

Spencer should’ve known better than anyone as a profiler that when you ignore trauma, you ignore pain, it will only manifest itself. Sometimes the smallest thing can trigger it and when, not if, it’s triggered, it’s like a dam breaking.

That was what happened approximately ten months post incident.

He was a pro at focusing his attention on anything other than things that desperately needed to be dealt with. 

That was how he found himself searching for the wrapping paper, offering to wrap some presents for her family.

It was now December, the year almost ready to end. In a way, he was relieved to leave this year in the soon to be past.

He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it had been the worst year of his life.

Rustling through the junk of clothes and other things in the bedroom closet, he had no luck finding any wrapping paper.

What he did find was enough to make his breath catch in his throat.

He stared at it for a few beats before deciding to pick it up and look at it. With unsteady hands, he reached for the crinkled and slightly dusty shopping bag.

Reaching in, he pulled out the baby shoes, resting them both in the palm of his hand. 

They still looked as brand new as the day he bought them. Pristine, black and tiny as ever.

That was when the dam broke as did the wall around his heart.

In the ten months following, he hadn’t shed a single tear, first believing he had no right to. Then later on ignoring his pain before his anger set in to turn into complete numbness.

But now, the tears came.

He sank down on the bed, clutching the shoes in his hands, holding them tight against his chest. Sobs wracked his body, the pain unraveling in him layer by layer.

He had never felt such deep pain. He now understood why people said the loss of a child was one of the hardest things, if not hardest thing they ever dealt with. 

He cried for the little boy or girl he wished every day that he’d been able to meet.

He’d cried for the baby that would never wear the shoes that he bought and held now.

He cried for the unfairness of the situation.

He cried for the shambles of his relationship, fearful that he might not be able to fix it.

He cried because he’d held on to his pain for far too long.

He cried because he was afraid he’d never feel whole again.

•

Eleven Months

His breakdown before Christmas hadn’t fixed everything, but it had made him feel a bit better.

He no longer held onto the initial searing pain that should’ve been released long ago and it was like a weight off his shoulders.

He still hurt, he still grieved, he still needed to talk about it, but at least he was headed on the right path toward healing.

Spencer had decided what he had to do before Christmas, but decided to wait until after the holidays to act on it.

Christmas had been low key, just the two of them staying at home and exchanging gifts. 

He got her some perfume, a novel she’d been wanting to read and a gift card to her favorite store.

She’d given him a Doctor Who figurine he’d been searching for forever, a beautiful edition of War and Peace he’d lusted over ages ago and a new watch.

It was amazing how even though they’d spent most of the year so far apart, they still knew each other well, as if nothing had happened.

It was still a bittersweet day though. He could imagine how different life would have looked if they’d had their little four month old child here with them to celebrate.

He saw the pain in her face, but said nothing.

He knew how she felt.

-

It was New Years Eve when Y/N found Spencer sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee before the sun was even up.

“We need to talk,” Spencer said.

“Okay,” she sounded uncertain.

He motioned for her to sit down and she obeyed.

“We need to stop doing this,” he said.

“Doing what?”

“This,” he motioned between the two of them, “Ignoring everything. Acting like it didn’t happen. We need to talk about the miscarriage.”

He didn’t miss her flinch.

“I can’t. You know that,” she said.

“You need to,” he stressed, “I need to, Y/N.”

“No,” she shook her head vehemently, “I can’t and I won’t.”

“Dammit, Y/N!” 

His palm slapped the table hard enough to rattle his coffee cup and make her jump.

It wasn’t often that he lost his temper, usually when he did, it was for a good reason. But when he was angry, he was angry.

“You’re not the only one who lost a baby!” he hollered, “Do you honestly think this hasn’t been hard for me too?! This last year has been shit for me as well! I almost lost my job because I made such an obvious mistake that I could’ve died as a result of my mind being in such a bad place! You’ve hardly spoken to me other than to fight with me for a majority of this year! How do you think that makes me feel?! I tried my best to help but you didn’t want it. I tried everything I could to fix you, but it just made things worse! I’ve been through hell too, Y/N, I hurt too! I wish every single day that we didn’t lose our baby. So I’m fucking sorry if I finally am tired of hurting and want to get better by simply talking about it!”

He was breathing hard by the time he’d finished his rant, his chest rising and falling quickly with his rapid breaths.

Y/N was frozen and staring at him. He wasn’t sure if she was upset, mad, stunned or what.

“I’m sorry for losing my temper,” he apologized, in a more normal tone, “But I really think we need to talk about it. This has changed us, Y/N. Surely, you can see that.”

She was still silent.

“Y/N?” he prompted.

“I...I didn’t realize. I mean I knew you were upset but I didn’t even know it was so bad, I…” she trailed off, looking like a lost puppy, before looking back at him, “I want to fix this. I do. But I don’t think I can talk about it.”

He sighed, all the fight completely drained from him. He was so, so tired. 

“Then I think I have to leave,” he stated matter of factly.

“Leave?!” she startled, “What do you mean? Not for good, right? Spencer, please, don’t.”

“I don’t know if it’s for good,” he said warily, “All I know is I just have to leave for a while.”

It was the hardest thing he had to do, but he knew he needed to. It was for the best in the long run. He needed time to mend and so did she.

He stood from the table, setting his empty mug in the sink.

“I’m going to be staying with Luke and Penelope for a while if you need me,” Spencer said.

He walked toward the door where his already packed bag sat. He noticed her eyes fall on it, taking in just how serious he was about this.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, leaving a tearful Y/N still at their kitchen table.

It was time to heal.

After all, you can’t fix a broken relationship when you’re as broken as it.

•

Eleven Months

“Hi Spencer, it’s me. Y/N…” 

There was a pause in the voicemail message.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know voicemail isn’t exactly the place to be apologizing, but I had to say it first before I say everything else and I won’t stop apologizing anyway. But, um, I just wanted to call you and tell you that I wanted to talk to you. Well more like I need to talk to you. If you have time that is. I miss you.”

There was another, shorter pause.

“I love you.”

Spencer’s lips curled just the slightest, hearing the three words he hadn’t heard in so long. 

“Bye.”

The voicemail ended, but he held the phone to his ear for a little longer before he pulled it away and pocketed it.

It had been three weeks since he’d left. 

He tried not to be disheartened when several days had gone by without any contact from her, then a week, then two.

Penelope had assured him that she needed time to fix herself too, just like he had been working on.

He still had a long way to go, but he was making improvements.

He had profusely apologized to his friends for shutting them out for so long. He dove into his work with new determination, not just to distract him, but because it’s what he enjoyed doing. 

He even talked briefly to Luke and Penelope about the whole ordeal, even including the part of his breakdown before Christmas and the shoes.

Suddenly, the world started to look less bleak. 

Then today he was surprised to see a missed call and voicemail from Y/N. He had missed her too, so much.

He missed how they used to be, too.

He tried hard not to, but he found himself hoping against hope that maybe, possibly, things could eventually be okay.

-

Spencer paused before opening the door of their house. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. He had no idea what to expect.

He walked in, almost anticipating Y/N to be sitting there, waiting for him. It was odd how much of a stranger he felt in his own home. In fact, he had to stop himself from knocking just a moment ago.

Y/N was nowhere in sight. He walked into the living room, not sure if he should go looking for her, or what. He’d never felt at such a loss.

“Spence, hi.”

He turned at her voice, noticing her just approaching the doorway to the living room from the hallway. 

She looked good. The best she’d looked in months. She was dressed in fresh clothes, her hair down and brushed, a small smile on her lips.

“Hey.”

His heart had fluttered at the sight of her. He loved her so much; that he couldn’t deny.

“You, uh, wanted to talk?” he asked, nervously.

She nodded, indicating for him to sit on the couch.

It was only then that he saw the tiny converse sitting on the coffee table. He couldn’t explain his reaction to seeing them, other than a sense of grief.

“Where did you find those?” he asked.

“Under the bed. I stumbled upon them when I was changing the sheets.”

He faintly remembered the last time he’d seen them, stashing them under the bed after his sobs had subsided. He wasn’t necessarily hiding them, he felt more like keeping them close by. He had forgotten about that.

Spencer didn’t say anything, he just stared at the shoes before looking up at Y/N, tears glistening in his eyes.

“That was your surprise for me and the baby, wasn’t it?” she asked softly.

“You remember that?”

He didn’t know if the choke of emotion he felt in his chest came from the fact she remembered that or that she’d actually mentioned the baby.

“I couldn’t forget it.”

They were silent for a moment.

“Spencer? I’m ready to talk about it.”

He looked up from his lap where his gaze had fallen moments earlier, trying to conceal his emotions.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded.

“You were right. I needed to do this a long time ago, but I’m ready now. I just don’t know where to start.”

She smiled sadly, fidgeting with the couch pillow that she’d rested in her lap, as if it were her life vest to survive this conversation. 

“It’s okay,” he assured her, reaching out tentatively to touch her hand, “I’ll be right here the entire time. Just start at the beginning.”

She looked up at him, her hand shifting into his, interlocking their fingers together before she began.

“I started cramping that day,” she said hesitantly, “Probably around the time you got up to get ready for work.”

“You never told me that,” he said.

“I know,” she nodded, “At first it was because I didn’t think it was serious, I mean some cramping is normal in a healthy pregnancy. I thought that’s what it was. Then after everything happened...well you know, everything got so complicated.”

Spencer nodded, staying quiet. He squeezed her hand gently to let her know that he was listening.

“Anyway, I laid down after you left. I didn’t have work that day, so I thought maybe resting would help it. When I woke, they’d eased off enough to be just a mild nuisance. I mean, I’ve had period cramps that were worse.”

His heart broke listening to her recount what was the worst day of her life. He knew it had to be so tough for her to finally do this and he was so proud that she was finally getting it all out.

“The day passed like that. The cramps got worse by bedtime, so I thought I’d just use the heating pad for a little bit before going to sleep. I had started spotting then. Again, I wasn’t alarmed. That’s another symptom of early pregnancy, sometimes you spot a little. I went to sleep.”

She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself to talk about the next part.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I’m here,” Spencer whispered, his thumb running along her hand in an attempt to comfort her.

“I can’t remember what woke me up exactly,” Y/N continued, her voice beginning to wobble, “I’m not sure if it was the cramps or the sense of dread because somehow, I felt both. I noticed my legs and the bed sheets felt a bit wet and I turned on the light. I caught a glance at the clock around that time. It was 1:27 a.m. That’s when I saw the blood.”

Tears formed in his eyes. Tears already were falling from her eyes.

“I was so scared, Spencer,” she said in a scratchy whisper, “I think deep down I knew it was happening, but I didn’t want to admit it. It was only when the doctor at the hospital confirmed it that it finally sank in.”

His tears were falling now as well. He remembered that fateful trip to the hospital all too well. His world felt like it had turned upside down.

It was then he realized that his unhealthy grieving process had begun, right there in that hospital room.

“Then I had to have the D&C. I know I was anesthetized, but still just knowing that I had to have this foreign object being shoved up me to scrape out any remnants of this baby that I failed to keep alive.”

She was bawling now. Her shoulders shook as her body racked with her sobs. Spencer pulled her towards him out of habit, regardless that they hadn’t embraced like this for so long. It was just so normal of him to do it, that he didn’t even give it a second thought.

He held her close as she cried into his chest. Her hands clutched his shirt, her tears completely soaking it. He didn’t even care that it was one of his nicer work shirts, he just hugged her tighter, as if he couldn’t get close enough to her.

“It’s not your fault, Y/N,” he murmured, gently rocking her back and forth in his arms, kissing her head, “It was never your fault.”

She sat back, disconnecting their embrace and wiped at her eyes, sniffling.

“I know that now. But it’s my fault for pushing you away. I isolated you, didn’t consider your feelings, wasn’t there for you. I’m the one who ruined our relationship.”

Even though she’d attempted to wipe her eyes, it had been a useless gesture. More tears fell again as she blamed herself.

“I’m so sorry Spencer. I’m so sorry.”

“It was my fault too,” he said, putting his hands on her face, thumbs wiping away her tears.

“I didn’t know what to say to you. I didn’t try hard enough. I tried to fix you when I couldn’t even fix myself. I’m just as much to blame for our problems and I’m sorry,” Spencer said.

She leaned her face into one of his hands.

“I talked to you. Please talk to me. I wanna know how you’re feeling. I care about how you’re feeling too, even though my actions haven’t conveyed that lately.”

He smiled a bit, dropping his hands from her face and beginning to fidget. It’d been a long time since he’d felt this vulnerable in front of someone, especially Y/N.

“Spence?”

He looked up at her. He could see the understanding in her eyes. She understood the turmoil roiling in him. She was silently telling him that he could lay his heart out for her.

So that’s what he did.

“It felt like the entire world collapsed around me,” he mumbled.

 “I was so excited to be a dad. Obviously,” he gave a humorless chuckle, “I had the idea of buying the matching shoes for the baby. I thought I’d surprise you.”

“I love them,” she smiled at him, “I love that you did that.”

“I thought for the first couple of months that I had no right to grieve. You were the one who actually experienced it, so I tried to be strong,” he sighed, resignedly.

“Spencer you-”

He shook his head, cutting her off.

“Please, just let me finish or I won’t be able to get this out.”

She nodded, understandingly. 

“That’s when I started blocking it out. I tried helping you, I buried myself in work just trying to forget. To avoid what I was feeling. I started having dreams during the summer.”

He saw the quizzical look on her face, not sure if she should ask aloud what he meant in fear that if she interrupted, he wouldn’t finish.

“I had these dreams where usually it was me and you with our baby. Sometimes it was a boy, sometimes it was a girl. It was always different scenarios, but like average activities, just with a child. You making breakfast while I fed our daughter, me taking our son to the park. It differed from dream to dream how old the child was, but it was all the same kinds of dreams.”

“Around that time anger sat in. After the failed support group visit I was more and more tempted to yell at you that I lost a baby too.”

Involuntarily, his lower lip began to tremble. He felt horrible admitting to that.

“I wish you had. I deserved to be yelled at. I deserved you being angry at me,” she winced.

“No, you didn’t. I feel bad for even admitting that I constantly wanted to yell at you. You were hurting too, Y/N. But it wasn’t just you that I was mad at. I was mad at the world. I was mad at the people who were lucky enough to be parents. It got harder and harder to deal with cases that involved kids or talk to people during cases that had kids. Some people I saw shouldn’t have had kids, they weren’t fit to be parents. I found myself wondering why they were given the gift of new little lives, yet we weren’t.”

He took a deep breath, feeling winded after his sudden ramble.

“I pushed away people too. I pushed you away because I stopped trying to help. I figured I wasn’t going to help anyway. I pushed away JJ, Luke, Garcia, the entire team. All they wanted to do was to help me and I didn’t want to be helped.”

She gave a small half grin, the corner of her mouth quirky slightly, not really a happy smile, more of a melancholy one. 

“I guess we had that in common.”

Spencer realized just how much grief they could’ve saved each other if they’d both had been willing to help themselves first. But the past was the past and he wanted things to be different from here on out.

“I found the shoes before Christmas. I had hidden them after stumbling upon them not long after the miscarriage. I didn’t want to see them, I didn’t want to think about them. It was too painful. But I found them again and it’s like the grief just finally broke free of the wall I had built around it, in hopes it would go away. I think I cried for more than thirty minutes, just clutching them. After that, things felt a bit easier. Obviously everything wasn’t perfect, but I needed to finally grieve. I hadn’t cried once in all those months up until that day.”

It was her turn to hug him tightly. Spencer held on to her like she was his lifeline, which in a way, she was.

“Spencer, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that all alone. I will never be able to apologize enough,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“I don’t understand why it happened, but it happened for a reason,” she said in a gentle tone, “But I don’t want to be broken anymore. I don’t want us to be broken. I’ve done an awful job of showing it, but I love you more than words can describe, Spencer Reid. I don’t want to live life without you by my side.”

It was probably the hundredth time they’d both cried during this conversation, but Spencer supposed it was expected.

He pulled away, looking down at her. The sincerity rang true in her eyes.

He leaned down, his lips like a wisp of a feather as they brushed against hers. He kissed her again, more firmly this time, but still relatively gentle. It was hard to tell whose tears were whose as they seemed to run together.

When they parted, he gave a small laugh amazed at how much lighter he finally felt, at how long it’d been since they’d actually kissed, since they’d actually talked. Suddenly, for the first time in a long time, things finally felt like they would be okay.

They were both a sniffling mess with tear stained faces along with red rimmed eyes, but they were actually smiling.

“I wouldn’t want to experience life without you by my side either, Y/N,” Spencer finally said when he’d regained the composure to do so, “I love you so damn much.”

They talked for hours, well into the night. They had so much to talk about, so much to share with one another.

But the most comforting thought was the knowledge they both could finally begin to heal; as individuals and as one.

•

Twelve Months

It’s ironic how the one year anniversary of the miscarriage was probably the best day yet of their recovery.

The initial conversation Spencer and Y/N had wasn’t the last one. Many more followed. Hardly a day went by when they didn’t have a conversation about it or mention it in some sort of way.

The atmosphere was lighter, their moods brighter, their mental health and relationship in a much better place than it had been.

They often had extended conversations about what they thought their angel baby would’ve been like, who they would’ve looked like. This time it was with less heartache and more wonder.

Spencer had finally admitted something that had been weighing on his mind though he wasn’t sure if he should share it with her. He told her that even though it didn’t go the way they had expected it to, he was thankful and grateful for the time they had had with Peanut.

The miscarriage had tested them and their relationship in ways they couldn’t have ever expected. Somehow, they had made it out of that dark tunnel through to the other side. They’d gotten through it and it had made their relationship stronger.

Even though it had only been a short time they’d had with this baby, it was more than none at all. Y/N had agreed. They had grown as individuals and grown as a couple over the last twelve months.

Other conversations regarding their loss were talked about too. They still wanted kids, they still intended on having them, but they’d decided they weren’t going to actively try.

If it was meant to happen anytime soon, it would happen. If not, that was okay too. 

It had been a mutual decision that they wanted to wait while they worked to better themselves and their relationship. They would be parents one day, just not today.

Spencer couldn’t help compare how different things were now than they were a year ago. It seemed finally, they were at peace. 

Grief was a strange thing. Sometimes it brought people closer together, other times it pushed them apart. In some cases, it could do both.

Y/N had refused to put the converse away in a closet or a drawer until they were needed.

She once didn’t want to remember, but now she didn’t want to forget. Spencer couldn’t have agreed more.

Now, the baby shoes sat on the dresser in their bedroom on display. It was a reminder of what they lost, but of what was to come. It was a reminder of what they’d been through, but to also remind them not to dwell anymore.

There was no reason to hold on to the pain like they had done for so long. They would always remember, but they’d no longer let it consume them entirely.

There, the baby shoes now sat, in hopes to one day be filled with tiny baby feet.

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[animeyanderelover]

Can you write number 50 to Keinz Drocell?

Consider it as done.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, stalking, kidnapping

Prompt 50: “Tell me, is love supposed to be...this passionate?

Do you know the feeling of being watched constantly? The feeling of eyes drilling themselves into your soul wherever you go? The feeling of slowly going insane and starting to question your sanity? That’s what you were going through. The last few weeks had been more than just nerve wrecking for you. You had the feeling that something was watching your every movement. You had never seen anyone watching you, but your gut told you that you had a stalker. A really talented one since you even felt eyes on you when you were inside your house. You hadn’t told anyone about this so far because you still weren’t sure if you were right or wrong. It would also be pretty useless to inform the police without evidence shown. So you had endured this torture alone without anyone knowing. It had gotten worse and worse the longer it lasted and by now you couldn’t help, but always look around when you were walking on the streets. But no one seemed suspicious. Just normal people minding their own business. No one looked like a stalker to you. And that drove you crazy.

It had been late at evening when you had gotten home, the sun had already started to set down, illuminating the sky in warm colors. And you were done. Work was so stressing for you, probably you snapped at pretty much everyone who looked at you longer than a second. You guessed having the feeling of being watched had made you sensitive regarding this topic. And even now the gaze was still on you. In your own four walls. You really hoped that this all was just a really bad case of paranoia and nothing more. But that still didn’t stop you from covering yourself with the blankets when you changed in your nightclothes. It there really was somebody watching you, you wouldn’t let them see you naked. After you were finished with changing you checked twice if all of the windows and doors were locked up. You knew that this probably looked a bit overcautious, but you felt a bit more at ease when you did this. You glanced out of the window, looking at the streets of London. Since it was getting late the crowds out there slowly died out, the streets slowly getting empty. And that’s when your eyes suddenly stopped at a specific person out there. A man who had light orange hair and was wearing a blue tailcoat and a black top hat. A music box was hanging around his neck.

Why you had stared at him in the first place? You didn’t know, probably because he stood with his clothes clearly out from the crowd. Or it was maybe the fact that he was just standing there, not caring about the people passing by him and glancing curiously at him. He just stood there. Right in front of your house. Was he waiting for someone? You just stood there, leaning on your window to catch a glimpse at his face, but he had his head hung low so that you weren’t able to. A few minutes passed by and he still didn’t move an inch. You had heard from one of your friends that some humans were able to fall asleep whilst standing. Was that the case? Why did you even mind so much? You should just lay down in your bed. Other people could take care of him. But just as you were about to turn around the man suddenly lifted his head. He was handsome, you gave him that. He had amethyst colored eyes and some pretty looking symbol was painted under his right eye. For a moment you were just taking in all his features before you realized something. His gaze was fixicated on you, his amethyst eyes focusing on you. That’s when you felt it over you washing. The same feeling that had seemed to follow you this past few weeks. No way! Was this man your stalker?! Both of you stared at each other for a few moments and you could feel your heart drumming against your chest, your mind racing with panicked thoughts. That’s when the man suddenly turned away from you, disappearing in the crowd. You watched him until you couldn’t see him anymore, letting a breath out you didn’t know you were holding in and closing the curtains. Had you just seen your stalker? But why was he suddenly showing himself?

You woke up later that night. You didn’t know why exactly, probably because the sleep you had gotten so far wasn’t very relaxing. That damn guy was even watching you in your sleep. His face had been everywhere in your dreams. You sighed and turned around so that you were facing the door leading out of the room. You hadn’t opened your eyes so far and didn’t want too. That was at least until you felt your skin crawling with uneasiness. It was the feeling you always had when someone was watching you. But right now it felt so intense, too intense. As if someone was standing right in the room and watching you. You slowly opened one of your eyes. You nearly suffered from a heart attack then and there. Only inches away from you was kneeling the same man who had looked at you this evening and who’s face had haunted you in your dreams. “AAAHHH!!!!” You let a terrified scream out, pushed him out of your way and raced towards the door. But before you could reach the door you suddenly felt something cold wrapping itself around your legs. You saw how your face was racing towards the hard and dirty ground, preparing yourself for the most likely painful impact, but it never came. Instead you felt two arms grabbing you under your armpits and preventing you to meet the ground.

“Please be more careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.” You tensed up when you heard his velvet voice. You turned your head around to get a better look at him. He was staring intensely at you, giving you the feeling that he wanted to pierce your soul with his somewhat emotionless eyes. “W-who are you? And what do you want?” He tilted his head a bit at your question. “My name?” He sounded almost clueless. He became silent and looked like he tried to find an answer to your question. Did he really not know what his name was? “I suppose...that my name is Keinz Drocell.”, he spoke after a few moments. Took him long enough. “And I’m here to take you.” He sounded so awfully calm whilst saying that as if it was someone normal. You on the other hand felt downright horrified. How could he sound so...so apathetic? “You’re the one who watched me, didn’t you?” “I did.” Again he sounded terrifying calm. “Do you even realize that what you did and what you’re about to do is wrong?! Are you crazy?!”, you yelled, fear audible in your voice.

“I reasoned with myself that I have to do this because I love you.” He...loved...you? “When I first saw you, you were a shining beauty and originally I planned to turn you into a puppet made out of silver and gold to match your beauty. But when I started watching you I suddenly felt so...weird. It felt like something invisible pulled me to you. The way you laugh, talk and move. All of it was a masterpiece. I came to realize that if I would turn you into a puppet, I would ruin all of this. Not even the most noble materials could suit you. You’re already a masterpiece.” Turning you into a puppet?! The most noble materials?! You a masterpiece?! What was he talking about?! You had started shaking. This guy was scaring the living shit out of you! “But there was another thing that made me realize that you’re special.” Another one?! “Whenever I look at you I feel a tingling sensation in my core. I reasoned, that I must be human, but then why do I feel so empty without you? I never realized how lonely I was until I was away from you. I came to the conclusion that I don’t like it when I can’t see you and I also don’t like it when you spent your time with other people. It feels like I’m burning when I see how they dare to ruin such a masterpiece of you. So I was thinking to myself, why not take you with me? I’m sure that I’ll get endless inspiration from you and one day the both of us could probably create together puppets.”

You didn’t know what exactly came over you in that moment. It was probably pure survival instinct. But you suddenly turned around and swinged your fist with his face. A hollow sound was heard and in the next moment you felt pain shooting through your hand. You cried out and instantly pulled your hand back, observing your knuckles. Where your hand had hit his face the skin started to turn red already and some of your skin had even been scratched open from the impact. You stared stunned at your hand. His skin... It hadn’t felt normal. It was too hard and too cold to be human skin. When you looked up you shrieked sharply. His head was turned around in an angle that couldn’t be considered normal. It became even more eerie when he slowly rotated his head 360 degree until he was facing you again. His cheek looked perfectly fine, not a single scratch on his skin. He glanced down at your hand before slowly taking your hand in one of his gloved and caressing with his thumb the reddened and partially peeled off skin. “Didn’t I tell you to be more careful? Now you’ve ruined your skin. But if I remember right your body will heal this wound very soon again.”

You had the feeling that your eyeballs would pop out of your skull if you would continue staring at him with your eyes wide open. You glanced back and forth between your hand and his face. Then you did something unexpected. You lifted your not hurt hand towards his face, touching his skin carefully and tracing the tip of your fingers over it. That was no skin! What was that? It was cold and very smooth. Was that...wood? Keinz had started to stare intensely at you after you had started to caress his face. “What in the world...are you?”, you asked him shocked. He blinked a few times. “I’m human. I suppose.” “You don’t know what you really are?”, you asked him. For a moment he fell silent. “Am I not human?” So he really didn’t know. You almost felt a bit bad for him. When you were about to pull your hand away from his head one of his hands suddenly grabbed your wrist. “Don’t stop. For some reason I like it when you caress my face.” He pressed your hand against his face again. You were too perplexed to do anything else in the moment so you just continued stroking his face.

“Do you have experience in love?”, he suddenly asked out of the blue. “Huh?”, you asked confused, catched off-guard. But after a few moments you answered:”I suppose I have?” “Tell me, is love supposed to to be...this passionate?” You froze, shifting your gaze to the ground. How could you answer that question? He was obviously no human and seemed to be a bit lost in general when it came to how to act around other humans. Would he even understand you if you would answer him? You doubted it, but he was obvious waiting for your answer. “No. Normally it isn’t. But I guess you’re just a special case?” You sounded extremely unsure. Keinz seemed to try to find a deeper meaning behind your words. “So...you say I’m different?” “More or less.”, you replied. Keinz stared down at his hands clenching them to fists and opening them again. “I’m no human?” You kept quiet, clueless about how to help him. For a short moment you were certain that you saw a flash of sadness in his eyes, but they turned quickly back to their emotionless look. “I guess it doesn’t matter whether I’m human or not.” His grip around your wrist tightened and he moved his face closer to yours, too close for your taste. “As long as I have you with me I feel something. I feel emotions. I feel human. That only adds a new reason for me to take you. Even if I’m not human, as long as I can feel like one by keeping you with me I’m fine.”

[sansbun]

Colors are meant to be mixed - Hongjoong

“It’s not reality that makes you lose your dream, it is your decision.” These words repeat in my head, making the heavy feeling in my chest increase. No matter how many times it plays in my head, it just stabs my heart deeper and deeper.

I’ve been having strange dreams lately, but they’re the only thing that can distract me at this dull time. I feel so empty, so confused and lost, not knowing which way to go. My dream was always to become a singer. Ever since I learnt how to write, I wrote my feelings down into my notebook that later turned into lyrics. I wanted the world to hear them, to feel them, to know they’re not alone.

“But dreaming is for night time, you need to wake up and get your life together.” Everyone pointed fingers at me and laughed at my goals. Others my age wanted fancy cars to drive around in, money to spend, and love to share.

All I wanted was a microphone in my hand and to feel my heart beat as a crowd of people who support me, cheer for me.

But the thing is, nobody supported me. So how could I possibly achieve to be something, when I’m a no one.. The truth is, I doubted myself a lot. But it’s not like the lack of confidence just flew to me from the sky one day. I just had nobody who would support me.

I was sick of getting laughed at, so I found a “normal” job. Yeah, people around me suddenly found me cool and praised me for waking up from my childish dreams. They really seemed to like this “mature” side of me. But all I felt was emptiness and pain and realized, there’s no way back.

My friend San seemed especially disappointed in me giving up.. he ended up taking his life because he couldn’t bare with the reality, unable to come in terms with what’s happening. He didn’t want this life, this isn’t what he dreamed of. This wasn’t what I promised him. His dreams were shattered because of me giving up, and that will always haunt me. It was my fault. When he died so did a huge part of me.

The twinkle in my eye, all the creativity, my motivation, my dreams and dedication was all long gone. I no longer had time to write down my heart felt lyrics, practice and improve my skills that I wished to show on stage. I simply moved on unable look back without hurting.

My dream was no longer in sight, and I became bitter, and like everyone else around me. My spark died and nobody seemed to notice. That made me think, that maybe, I wasn’t meant to please the people around me.

Maybe I was supposed to follow my dreams and do it for myself. But there’s a lot of maybe’s and could of been’s, that we don’t know the answer to.

So I keep waking up with the only feeling in my body being bitterness, just like the morning coffee I have everyday. I feel like I lost myself because I was too scared to be myself. But now I suffer, stuck in a life that I wasn’t mean to have. Music kept reminding me of the goals I haven’t achieved so I stopped listening to it. Along with my headphones, I threw out my precious notebooks filled with years of lyrics. It was too painful to have them around me to remind me of my failure and san’s death.

Lately my dreams were very vivid, and somehow managed to spark my interest which rarely happens, even in real life. Every night there’s a man dressed in white, a mask covering his face. His figure seems so familiar yet so unknown and mysterious.

He never spoke a word to me, rather just looked at me from afar, motioning the number 8 with his fingers. Sadness hit me. Why am I feeling this way? Who is he and what does he want from me? Why 8? Why is he always mentioning the number 8?

As if someone read my thoughts out loud another figure in the room appeared behind me. However his clothes were very different from the man in white. His face was also covered, but in black clothing and silver chains hanging loosely around his outfit.

The man with the black fedora said. “There are countless dimensions in the world.” When I opened my eyes, it was a dream. Next to me was a hourglass I saw for the first time, and sand in the hourglass began to flow back from bottom to top.

Suddenly I wasn’t in my room anymore. This room seemed to have many mirrors around me, and felt very warm and uncomfortable. I look down and see myself covered in sweat, my lose clothes sticking to my body. Sitting on the floor with throbbing pain in my head.

“Huh?” I look around realizing I’m in a what seems to be a dancing studio. The very studio I used to practice in with San every single night. Was all this a dream? Did I not give up? Did I go back in time? I rubbed my eyes in confusion, so many questions filling my mind.

A hand waved in front of my face snapping me out of my thoughts. He looked so familiar, yet I’ve never interacted with him. Then it hit me, those sharp features and deep gaze. It was the man in the black fedora! But.. his fedora is gone.. and so are his black clothes, replaced by comfy sweatpants similar to ones I’m wearing. It’s seonghwa… how do I know his name?

“Are you okay, hongjoong?” He called out my name, fear rising in me. I looked around panicking as 6 more figures ran up to me rubbing my back my back in a caring manner.

“You need to take it slow.. we understand that as our leader you want to make everything perfect, but everything is already great!” One of them spoke shooting me a bright smile. His hair was now dyed green and then I realized who he was. But he died- not so long ago after I gave up on our journey… am I.. am I dreaming again..?

“San!?” I almost scream hugging him tight. Confused he chuckled nodding. “Yes? now you really need rest, I think you worked too hard.”

“Yeah, joongie were proud of you, our leader is indeed the best! But you need a break. ” Purple haired Wooyoung explained cheerfully, throwing his arms around us in a tight hug as everyone else followed his action. My eyes quickly scanned the people hugging me, counting. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7…

My eyes landed in the corner of the room, the familiar figure dressed in white turnt in my direction as if he was watching me. Before I could speak I saw him slowly pull down his mask as my breath got stuck in my throat. It was- It was me-

But my hair was longer, I looked a little older, and much happier. “8 makes 1 team.” He whispered as I repeated his words, a proud smile on his face before he nodded in approval, snapping his finger making him disappear into thin air.

The members didn’t believe I wasn’t sick and made me go lay down for a nap so I could feel better. I was convinced this was all just a strange dream, with had all my wishes that were sitting in the back of my heart.

However, when I woke up in the same room, my old notebook on the table with the members sleeping soundly, I knew this wasn’t a dream. I felt things I’ve never felt before.

Confidence, support, desire and need to make my dreams come true. Maybe this was my only chance to make things right. And I’m sure not gonna lose it this time.

Their meeting was fate.

Seonghwa, the man with the black fedora, and hongjoong, the man in the white mask.

Colors are meant to be mixed, after all.

A/N: the title was inspired by hongjoong’s lyrics of his black or white cover, for any of those wondering! Also this is the piece I submitted to the ateez story line writing contest, hope you enjoyed!! （＾∇＾）

[manicmarsupial]

The Smallest Outlaw - Chapter 3:No Business Like Snow Business

A/N Mwahaha, I’m making puns with the chapter titles. Honestly trying to lighten the mood because this chapter features the reason behind a lot of Ollie’s self doubt issues.

Usual acknowledgements to @yeenybeanies (’coz Devin is awesome), @thatspicynoodle (who has a much better story than mine, yet encouraged me to write my own variation), and @tiny-james (whose blog is honestly giving me ideas on further storylines and one-shots). Also, as per usual, I’m open to ideas for this story (and Ollie’s surname). Now, on to the story

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Okay, I sincerely hope that was a really intense dream. I slight movement of my arm causing pain proves otherwise. Judging by the radiant heat, I’m near a fire. I’m wrapped…mostly up in something soft, sort of woollen. I can’t get much else without looking.

‘Maybe if your hearing wasn’t broken, you wouldn’t be so lost,’ my negative mind scorns.

I choose to ignore that thought as I push myself to a sitting position with a groan.

“Ah, there you are. Thought we were going to lose you for a second,” a voice echoes in my ears.

I whirl around to face the silver haired man from earlier. At the sight of him striding toward me, I start panicking, trying to back away. Although with one working arm and partially bundled up, it’s not effective. The man stops and holds up his hands in a passive gesture.

I stop flailing and study my surroundings. I’m on a somewhat broken bedside table that has been moved to the front of the fireplace while I’m wrapped up in as scarf. I turn back to see the man kneel on one knee so he won’t tower over me as much. It doesn’t make any difference as he still cuts an intimidating figure.

“I’m afraid your arm is badly fractured. We did the best we could with limited supplies,” he explains softly.

I glance at my arm, wrapped up in a black ribbon. Some of the matchstick pokes out near my wrist.

“I know you can speak and understand me.”

I look back up at him

“Are you going to give me your name?”

I ponder this, then shake my head. The man sighs on response.

“I’m Hosea Matthews,” he introduces himself.

“Do you live here?” he asks.

I shake my head.

A door slams open, causing me to jump in fright. The black-haired man, Dutch, strides in brushing snow off his black coat.

“Ah! It woke up,” he proclaims loudly.

“Any information? He asks Hosea.

Hosea stands up to speak to Dutch. I use the opportunity while both are distracted to unwrap myself from the scarf. Having freed my legs, I wander to the edge of the table. It’s a little high so I push the scarf off to create a softer landing. I make the jump, being sure to land on my uninjured side. Neither Hosea nor Dutch have noticed yet. I slowly creep towards the door.

I thought was almost successful until I hear a bellow of

“Stop them!”

Which is immediately followed by rapid thundering footsteps. I try to dart toward the door to duck under it. A pair of gloved hands envelope me before I can make it to the gap under the broken wood. I throw a series of one-armed punches but hitting the glove doesn’t seem to be making an impact. Maybe injuring my hands a little. I stop fighting when I feel the hands move up.

“It seems we have a little escape artist,” I hear Dutch laugh.

Despite my bad hearing and being enclosed in gloved hands, the laughter is booming. I flinch and curl into a ball as best I can. I feel the hands move.

“The poor little thing is cold, scared, and surrounded by giant outlaws. I can’t blame ‘em for wantin’ to run,” Hosea’s voice sounds closer.

Actually, it sounds like it’s directly above me. I realise that he’s captor whose hands my life literally depends on. I cover my eyes when I see one hand move. I don’t want to see where this is going.

I wait for the inevitable. I’m surprised when I’m held gently against a rough woollen surface. It’s not the scarf, not as soft. I’m not being crushed, just slightly restrained. The surface is slowly moving in and out in a pattern. There’s a distinct thumping sound echoing in my ears. I lean back to get a better view and end up toppling into the older man’s hands with a grunt of pain.

“Careful little one. Escaping into this blizzard would be deadly, even for a human. Let alone such a small one like you,” Hosea whispers soothingly, cupping his fingers around me.

I try to see how far away the ground is, but I can’t see over his fingers. I manage to calm my racing mind enough to consider my situation. If this man and his friends wanted to harm or kill me, they would’ve done so at any time. My breathing finally slows down to normal as I look anywhere but my captor’s face.

“See, you’re alright. It’s going to be fine,” he reassures softly.

I flinch slightly when something touches my shoulder. It gently moves down my spine, leaves, then repeats the movement. Finding it comforting, I unconsciously lean into it.

It’s not until I hear Hosea’s soft chuckle that I remember where I am. I partially spin around to see Hosea’s hand curled behind me.

“It’s okay. You’re safe now, little one,” he croons.

“Ollie,” I speak up, a little bit of bravery coming through.

“Hmm?” he raises an eyebrow.

“I…it’s my name,” I stammer, my brief bout of courage leaving me.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Ollie,” he holds out his hand in the shake gesture.

I flinch back at first because, let’s face it, it’s a massive hand that has the ability to crush the life out of me easily. I place my hand on his fingertip and he mimics a handshake with a small smile.

“And you are going to freeze to death dressed like that,” he wraps his scarf around me.

“I didn’t have anything else,” I grumpily mutter in reply, slumping into the bundled material as Hosea places it onto the broken beside table.

I stare into the fire in silence until Dutch’s booming voice startles me out of my quietude.

“Anything from our little runaway?”

“The name’s Ollie,” Hosea answers.

“And what’s “Ollie” doing in a blizzard?” Dutch glances at me then back to his friend.

“Ya think I wanted to be here?!” I blurt out.

“It speaks?!” Dutch exclaims, his jaw dropping.

“Only when I have to.”

Dutch looks vaguely insulted.

“Now is not the time to be cheeky, Ollie,” Hosea scolds.

I look up at the older man. He doesn’t appear to be annoyed. Actually, he’s smiling a little.

“Never is,” I grumble, burying myself into the scarf.

[purplesurveys]

1259

survey by pinkchocolate

Do you remember the last time you felt disappointed even if it was just a little? What was the cause? I didn’t like last night’s dinner too much. It was okay, it tasted quite good; but it’s not a dish I’m super obsessed with.

What did you do last Saturday evening? That was last night, and...I think for the most part I was just practicing Hangul with Nina. We also wrestled with Cooper to get a rag out of his mouth. Then when I headed to my room I just watched Run BTS until I fell asleep.

Do you/have you ever known anyone named Walter? Tell me a little about them. Nobody in real life; it’s too foreign-sounding a name where I’m from. I know Walter White from Breaking Bad though.

You must have seen some films with Robin Williams in them, right? Yes.

^So which one is your favourite? Good Will Hunting. He made me cry a lot there.

In your house, which one usually runs out first - shampoo or conditioner? Shampoo, since only the girls use conditioner.

Do any of your electronic devices need to be charged at the moment? Nah. My laptop’s currently plugged in and my phone has ample power in it.

Are there any TV shows/series that you've been really into watching lately? Not really. I don’t think my attention span was built for TV series hahaha. I’ve been trying to finally get on Season 4 of Bon Voyage though, and that’s been fun.

^Tell me a little bit about them. It’s a reality show that features BTS literally just traveling around the world on vacation. Season 1 was in Norway, Sweden, and Finland; Season 2 was in Hawaii; Season 3 was in Malta; and Season 4, which I’m currently watching, was in New Zealand.

^And tell me a little about your favourite character(s). The show obviously doesn’t have characters per se.

When you go to bed, do you wear pyjamas or a nightie? Or something else? Something else. I just wear whatever I’ve had on the whole day.

Is there anyone like an actor or singer, whose voice you find sexy? V.

Have you read many of the books that are considered literary classics? Not many, but I’ve read a few. Mostly for school.

^If so, do you have a favourite? Not really.

Do you enjoy any sweet fillings on sandwiches? Which one(s)? Sweet sandwiches aren’t really my thing; I prefer savory ones.

Tell me something positive about the town or city that you live in. There’s a lot of restaurants so I can easily fix whatever craving I happen to be having.

Can you name a book on your shelf that you've read multiple times? Undisputed.

^Is that one of your favourites? Sure. It’s one of the better wrestling memoirs out there. Many wrestlers seem to write for the sake of penning their own autobiography, so rare gems like Undisputed are very much appreciated.

Do you enjoy Tim Burton films? Which one is your favourite? No, not my kind of genre.

Do you ever laugh at yourself for doing clumsy or silly things? Yeah, sometimes.

^When was the last time you felt the need to do that? Earlier when I slightly panicked because I couldn’t find my phone until I realized I was holding it.

Has anyone you know taken up a new hobby recently? What is it? Angela bought her own paint-by-number kit a few weeks ago. I believe Reggy, one of my classmates from high school, has taken up crocheting as well.

How many people do you know whose name begins with the letter Z? One.

Were you woken up by any particular sound today? What was it? Nope, just woke up naturally as always.

Did you ever learn a language when you were in school? Which one? We weren’t required to. These days I’m taking Korean lessons, but it’s not for any academic requirement.

Did you play truth or dare much, when you were younger? Sure, but I always chose truth since I’ve never found it difficult to answer tricky or personal questions...

^What was one of the silliest or weirdest things you were dared to do? ...and because I hate doing dares. Hahaha.

Do any of your friends or relatives have a birthday coming up? It’s my mom’s birthday this coming Thursday; Nina’s that following Thursday; and Angela’s next next Wednesday.

If so, how old will they be? My mom will be 50; my sister will be 21; Angela will be 23.

Have you ever had a dream in which you met or talked to someone like a celebrity, or a fictional character? What happened? I literally had Jungkook show up in my dream just earlier lol. All I remember is he was walking on some sidewalk.

Is there an item that you received as a gift, but have never yet used? I don’t think so.

What were you doing 3 hours ago? Taking a shower.

[joeycupcakerichter]

Zach Dempsey - Steel Bars and Broken Hearts p6

A/N: Hey guys. Let’s not talk about the fact that this hasn’t had an update since September. It’s that time of year again and I know that 13RW will be coming back soon so I started a rewatch of the whole series and I swear the moment my beautiful angel Zach spoke I was like, yo, I need to write about this absolute angel. All of my thirstiness aside, here is the long awaited next part in this weird series that I started at the tail end of my writing for this show. I’m particularly proud of this one. I like the way I wrote it a lot. Self flagellation, aside, I really hope you like it. ^~^ Here’s hoping part seven doesn’t take another thirty years to get here. I was also thinking of posting all of my works for 13RW over on AO3? I would still post here but maybe other people would find it and enjoy it I don’t know I just wanna make people happy. 😭😂

Pairing: Zach Dempsey x Reader

Warnings: Nothing really. A bunch of fluff mixed in with some angsty angst. You know, that good shit.

Word Count: 1732

Part Five

Masterlist

You woke suddenly, quickly trying to wipe away the small pool of drool you had accidentally allowed to accrue on Zach’s shoulder, thanking whatever above that he was still out. The sun was out in full force now, brightly shining in the front windows, fully illuminating the peaceful face next to you. The haze of sleep was starting to wear off and you quickly yanked your phone from your pocket to check the time, relieved that it was only noon. Relaxing back into the couch, you couldn’t help but stare into the face next to you, unable to fully grasp the fact that you were actually sitting there next to him, let alone that you had actually fallen asleep all snuggled up with him. You longed to reach out and touch him again, convinced that this had to be a dream, that you actually had been able to fall asleep last night. But, pinch yourself as hard you can, there was no waking. This was your reality, but that didn’t erase the dreamlike feeling that was overwhelming you.

You spent a longer time than you would ever actually admit studying the small curves and lines of the sleeping boy next to you, and by the time he finally started stirring, you were sure that you could draw him from memory, if you even possessed that talent in the first place. Trying to ignore how creepy you were being, you quickly busied yourself with your phone, trying to act as innocently as possible to not clue him in to how much of a creep you were. 

“Hey.” He murmured, voice thick with sleep. “Shit, what time is it?” He asked, a tired panicked spreading over his once peaceful features.

“It’s only noon.” You tell him soothingly, relieved when he relaxes back onto the couch. 

“I didn’t even mean to fall asleep.” He said, a sleepy smile playing on his features. “I thought we were gonna talk and then I was gonna head back to school. I guess that plan’s busted now.” He shrugged. “Didn’t you say you had to work?” He said, light panic returning.

“Yeah, but I have closing tonight. I don’t go in until two.” You assure him. Yet again, he relaxes into the couch and this time a comfortable silence falls between you. It lasts awhile, before a dangerous thought crosses your mind. “What happens now?” You ask quietly, a note of fear threatening your composure. You don’t want to lose this. You don’t want this moment, this peaceful, blissful moment to ever end but sooner or later, you knew it would. You watched his expression as he considered the question, a sense of melancholy overtook your once peaceful moment, and you could feel the familiar twinge of heartbreak as the silence became tense and strained.

“I don’t know.” He said, his eyes no longer on you, focused in on his hands instead. He didn’t have to say it, but you knew what he was thinking. This was a pipe dream. Even though it was the least of your worries, your eyes welled with tears as you realized his mother would never approve of you, not with your track record. Zach looks up at you, startled by the sudden tears staining your cheeks. “Hey, hey, it’ll be okay.” He tries to assure you. “If you just tell your mom, that’ll be half the battle-”

“If I tell her, she’ll hate you more.” You say plainly, sniffling and wiping away the moisture around your eyes. You took a deep breath to steady yourself, feeling a sob building in the back of your throat. For the first time in a long time, you finally felt the wave of hopelessness washing over you. For the past five years, you’d steadied yourself with the thought of hope. You never gave up trying to fix what had gone wrong in your life because some large part of you thought somehow, the two of you would be able to work through all the bullshit, work through everything but now, when it came time to face that moment, you didn’t know what to do. You felt lost, and judging by the look on his face, he was feeling something similar. You reverted your eyes to your own hands, unable to watch him look so dismayed.

“We’ll figure it out.” He said, moving his hand over yours in consolation. “I just got you back. It may have gotten fucked up before, but I won’t let it happen again.” You brought your eyes up to look into his again, surprised to find a look of intense determination radiating in them. You wanted desperately to press your lips to him, to assure him somehow you wanted the same, but as you finally built up the nerve, as you started to lean in to press your lips on his, your alarm went off, alerting you it was time to get up for work. It felt like all the air was sucked out of the room and that time had completely stopped until the stock sound for alarms had rudely interrupted. Suddenly everything became real again, and the dream like state you had been living in shattered around you.

“I-I have to get ready for work.” You said, using all of your willpower to pull away from him. His face, for once is hard to read but you pull yourself off your couch, stretching all of your muscles, waiting for him to do the same. When he doesn’t, you turn back at him, raising an eyebrow surprised. He looks confused for a moment, before realization washes over him and he jumps up from the couch. 

“Yeah, I suppose I should probably get going soon.” He says, but the look in his eyes was begging you to let him stay. You nod, looking away to steel your resolve. “You want a ride?” He asked nervously. Your eyes flit to him before you can stop yourself and you watch as a devious smile played on his cheeks.

“Would this ride actual end up with me putting in my usual eight hours?” You ask, raising an eyebrow. You were grateful for this opportunity to lighten the mood. It was starting to feel like you could breathe again.

“Of course you would.” He replied, feigning offense.The smirk on his face betrayed him.“I’m pretty sure Skye would kill me if I left her there alone tonight.” You called behind as you walked down the hallway to grab a towel for a shower. “Besides I’m getting in the shower, I can’t have you wandering around the house while I’m indisposed. That would be unladylike.” You re-emerged in the living room, this time the devious smirk playing on your cheeks.

“I will be nothing but gentlemanly.” He assured you raising three fingers. “Scouts honor.” You groaned loudly in response. 

“You have no Scouts honor because you were never a scout. We’ve been over this.” You insisted, laughing through the groan.

“We have been over this and the day it stops driving you so irrationally crazy is the day I’ll stop.” Zach told you, grinning from ear to ear now.

“It doesn’t drive me irrationally crazy!” You insist, voice cracking a bit, giving you away. “I just don’t think you should be calling on honor you have to party to. Next you’ll be calling for knights honor.”

“Oooh, that’s a good one, I’ll have to remember that.” He raised his eyebrows in excitement.

“No, not another one.” You groan, stalking off to your bedroom to grab your clothes for work. “I’m getting in the shower, if you wanna hang around and use your borrowed honors to behave, I’ll take that ride.” You concede, after checking the weather on your phone. It was almost 90 degrees out and you were not interested in taking another shower in the employee sink after your 20 minutes walk to work. You couldn’t help but smile as Zach beamed at you in response. He plopped himself back on your couch, busying himself with his phone again.

As the warm water cascaded around you, you occupied with bathing yourself and getting into mindset you reserved for work. You knew there was no way that work would get the usual seventy five percent of focus you gave them, not with the way your head was spinning even now. After rinsing your hair out, you turned the water off, toweling your hair off as much as possible before sliding the curtain open and letting the cool air of the rest of the bathroom swirl around you. Shivering you wrap the towel around you, drying your hands as much as possible before reaching for your hair dryer and plugging it in. You resumed your before work routine, blow drying your hair and styling your hair and applying your makeup. Once you were ready you emerged from the warmth of the bathroom, chilled by cold air of your air conditioning.

Looking up at from the couch in surprise, Zach genuinely looked surprised to see you. “I thought there was that whole stereotype of women taking forever in the shower or something.” He said, standing up to stretch again.

“Two things Zachary.” You started, tone harsh, but even. “Prison gives you habits and don’t believe stupid stereotypes about women made up by men.” You expected him to argue back about the validity of the stereotype but instead he raised his hands in surrender. You raised your eyebrow in suspicion but relent regardless. You head to the front door, Zach butting in front of you to open the door for you. You roll your eyes and smile, unable to resist the shit eating grin he was wearing. You wanted this to be real. You wanted this life to be the life you got to lead, forever. Everything with Zach was just… easy. You follow him to his car, contemplating the future and what you were going to tell your mom and what would happen when people gave him endless shit for caring about you at all.

But for now, for this private moment you shared as he opened your door again, shutting it behind you and going around to enter his side, this was yours. No one could take this sense of peace and ease from you and you knew you’d be damned if you’d let it slip away again.

|Part Seven|

[studiobeebo]

Hello! May i ask for promt 4 from "right to the good parts" list? With Dabi and female so? But if you don't write for villians then Aizawa. Thank you and take care!

ok so i’ve never written for Dabi and I’m honestly still a bit lost on his personality, but @loseridge helped me out a bit so I hope this is alright hjgh (seriously, feedback on this one would be greatly appreciated even if it isn’t from the person who requested it!!)

Prompt: We slept in the same bed for space reasons but now we’re just waking up and there’s something about your bleary eyes and mussed hair

Dabi

With the rise in the league’s activity over the past few months, ‘security’ got a bit more tight. After Tomura stupidly got himself caught on the news (and yes, you knew it was intentional, but you still thought he was an idiot), the lookout for him and the rest of the league became a much more prominent problem for all of you.

In short, this meant none of you could really roam around as you pleased because soon enough, it wouldn’t just be Tomura who was easily distinguished as a member of the league.

On the other hand, this meant you also had to start searching for a second hand location.

So far, the shitty bar where you had been meeting was serving its purpose of hiding you all well, but apparently Tomura, or whoever was directing him, has told him that the bar wouldn’t last long and that it was time to start searching for a secondary place to stay.

Unfortunately, Tomura seemed to like Dabi the least of you all, however he also had a problem with you and your “entitled bullshit” and he knew that Dabi got on your nerves as well, so he decided to force you to tag along with him on this hunt for a new hideout.

Originally it was just going to be the two of you, no matter how much you protested, but Twice seemed to be bothering Tomura too so he was dumped on you guys as if you were his babysitter.

This news was actually music to your ears as you didn’t really mind Twice since he was pretty dorky, and having anyone would be better than being stuck with Dabi’s snide remarks or him just straight up ignoring you. Dabi on the other hand wasn’t all that happy, but he seemed to hate anything that wasn’t a fun-sucking mopheaded downer such as himself.

The three of you had been given a list of a few places to stake out and you spent a majority of the day looking at the ones that Tomura didn’t have as much knowledge about compared to the last one which was apparently previously used by whoever was in charge, so you were planning to stay the night there and see how it was on space, electricity, running water, etc.

Once you finished up with the rest of the locations, you were more than excited to be able to wind down in what you were hoping would have been a secure but cozy place. You were very mistaken.

This underground bunker looked and smelled like it hadn’t been cleaned in years and there was dust and dirt covering every inch of the place. The electricity technically worked, but the lights flickered so much it gave you a headache and you spent ten minutes arguing with Dabi to get him to let you turn the damn things off. You were pretty sure the flickering was bothering him too, but he took every chance he got to be difficult with you.

You didn’t know why, maybe it was just how he was as a person, but ever since the two of you had met it felt like he was some obnoxious ex-boyfriend that you had never even dated. He was rude and had a very annoying “whatever, I’m gonna act like a broody teenager” attitude and he always picked little fights with you. Because of this, you should have known spending a night with him anywhere would have been a pain in the ass despite having Twice there to act as a buffer, but when you explored this crappy bunker even more, things only got worse.

The first thing you discovered was the absolutely nasty excuse for a bathroom. The second, and far worse thing, was the fact that there were only two beds. Before you even had a chance to groan out a comment about how grody they were, Twice had already plopped himself down on the “nicest” of the two and Dabi followed suit on the other.

“Seriously guys?!”

“Is that a rhetorical question or are you just complaining again?”

Dabi’s snarky remark only made you huff out in annoyance and when you looked to Twice with the most adorable pout you could muster in an attempt to get him to let you have the bed he had chosen, he only turned away from you and whistled innocently as if he had done nothing wrong.

“Fine. But the second one of you so much as gets up to take a piss, I am taking one of those beds.”

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

The fact that Dabi was treating you like some snobby brat just for wanting a goddamn bed to sleep on just pissed you off even more, so you left to mind your own business, but not before flipping him off.

You were more than grateful to find out that, somehow, there was a decent internet connection so you spent the rest of your evening playing mindless games or just browsing the news for information on, well, yourself.

Eventually you did start to get tired though and it seemed you were the only one to come prepared with a toothbrush and a pair of shorts to sleep in. It took a while to get over the nasty taste of the questionable water that came from the taps in this place, but eventually you had gotten yourself all ready for bed only to be hit with the sad reminder that you would be sleeping on the cement ground.

You really wished you had packed a blanket or something you could use to lay on, and when you were grumbling to yourself about wishing you had brought a jacket, you were reminded that someone here did have a jacket that was plenty long enough for you to either sleep on or use as a blanket.

“Hey matchbox.” You rudely interrupted, though Dabi had also resorted to scrolling through his phone so you were sure you hadn’t interrupted anything important, and even if you had, you didn’t really care. “Let me have your coat.”

“No.”

To be honest, you were expecting that answer, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating considering the damn thing had been haphazardly thrown into a corner so he wasn’t even using it.

“Well why the fuck not? You’re that much of a jackass that you’re going to make me sleep on the floor and not even lend me something to sleep on that you aren’t even using? Grow up, Dabi.”

Your attitude and resilience caught his attention as, admittedly, it always had, but he’d never give you the satisfaction of knowing that you were…entertaining to him, in the least.

“I’m not making you sleep anywhere, Princess, you could sleep on this piece of garbage with me and I wouldn’t give two shits as long as you shut up and stay quiet.”

This time, his answer had surprised you as you always assumed from how he treated you that being within ten feet of you was like some sort of hazard, so to test your luck and see if he’d chicken out, you decided to do just what he had suggested.

“Fine, move over, asshole.”

There was a slight glint of surprise in his eyes and you were so ready to start getting on him about being a pussy about it, but that surprise vanished as soon as it had arrived and he rolled over with little hesitation.

Getting into bed with your ‘enemy’ was…a bit more awkward than you had originally thought it would be and the bed was smaller than you had thought too, but once you had settled in and grabbed your share of the ratty old blanket, you had a good foot of space in between the two of you so it wasn’t too terrible, plus he was facing away from you so you wouldn’t have to awkwardly avoid eye contact until you fell asleep.

“If I wake up with your hands on me, I’m calling the cops.” You grumbled before closing your eyes, but the deep chuckle you had earned in response to your lame attempt at a joke actually made you crack a smile as well before slowly falling away into your dreams.

As always, Dabi had gone the night with rather blank ‘dreams’ and he remembered getting up once because the sound of your chattering teeth had awoken him, but he couldn’t remember what he got up for. Unfortunately he woke up before both you and Twice, but he was surprised to turn around and find you still fast asleep considering how loudly Twice was snoring in the opposite corner of the room.

It was strange how upon waking up and remembering where he was, he almost impulsively turned to see if you were still there.

He told himself he was just checking to see if you had fallen off or anything, but that didn’t explain why he couldn’t turn back around and go back to sleep as his eyes lingered on your features.

You..looked like a mess with knotted hair and bags under your eyes along with what looked like dried drool on the corner of your mouth, so why couldn’t he tear his eyes away from you? There wasn’t even any glorious sunlight bathing you like in those obnoxious movies Toga always played, just the flickering lights from off in the hallway that had turned on by themselves overnight, and yet seeing you in such a way filled him with a weird feeling like he had an itch buried deep within his chest that he couldn’t scratch.

His frustrations with said feelings had distracted him enough that, despite literally staring at your face, he didn’t noticed your eyes flicker open until you gasped and moved back a bit, only stopping when your hand slipped off the bed and you realized if you moved back anymore, you’d be on the floor.

If this were any other situation, he would have laughed at you almost falling flat on your face, but the feeling of his heart racing despite the rest of him feeling calm as usual told him that, for some reason, he was panicking.

“What the hell, Dabi?! It’s creepy as fuck to wake up to you staring at me like that!” You whisper shouted in his face since you didn’t know if Twice was awake yet or not, though that didn’t explain the heat that was currently rising to your cheeks against your wishes.

“I thought you were dead.”

His weird response only made you give him yet another ‘What the fuck’ face, but he simple shrugged before sitting up and stretching his arms. You could have sworn that seconds ago, he had been looking at you in a way he never had before, though when that snobby smirk appeared on his face when he turned to face you, you were sure you must have been seeing things.

“You’re stupid, not def. You look gross so I assumed you were dead. Guess I got my hopes up too soon.” He sneered before standing up and walking over to kick at Twice’s bed until he woke up.

“Ha-ha, very fucking funny..” You muttered under your breath. You’d be lying if you told yourself that you weren’t disappointed in the fact that he wasn’t actually looking at you like he didn’t hate your guts for once, but those pesky feelings would only get in the way so you simply shook your head and stood up yourself.

When you did stand up, you were surprised to see Dabi’s jacket tumble to the ground after you. Had you taken it over night? You didn’t remember doing so, and you’d never sleep walked before, but the only thing you could think of was that you got cold and self consciously grabbed his jacket before going back to sleep. That, or…

“Let’s go. I’m tired of this shithole.” The grumpy voice of none other than the man in question rang out as he nonchalantly bent over to pick his jacket up from your feet before shrugging it onto his shoulders and leaving the room, not once making eye contact with you as he remembered what he had gotten up for that night. You never would have guessed it, but maybe he wasn’t as big of an asshole as you had originally thought…Either way, only time would tell, so with an awkwardly giddy little smile playing on your lips, you nodded and stretched, ready to start your day and get back to work after a surprisingly nice night of sleep.

[ijungkooki]

Day 10: Hoseok—Ghost

Week #2- Supernatural!AU

Word Count: 4.4k

Warning: suicide mention

A/N: SHIADFJNKOEFNJ I’M SORRY FOR BEING HELLA LATE I’LL BE BETTER I PROMISE also this was inspired by the highlight reels and i need u mv so that gives you an idea of what this is about lol have fun i cried while writing this

Schedule 

Read last week’s AU here!

Jin | Yoongi | Hoseok | Namjoon | Jimin | Taehyung | Jungkook

“Yeah, I just got here!” I said over the phone that was currently held between my ear and shoulder.

I carried a box filled various items into my new home and placed it on the nearest open space. There was already a mountain of cardboard boxes forming and I still had yet to empty the truck carrying the rest of my things.

“Yes, Mom. I’ll visit soon,” I said with a laugh. “I need to finish unloading and unpacking everything. I’ll call you later. Love you!”

I hung up the phone and placed into my pocket before retrieving more luggage and boxes to place randomly in the house. I figured once everything was out of the moving truck, I would organize it all.

Just as I brought in the final box, I heard a knock from the door.

“Coming!” 

I rushed over, maneuvering around the furniture and storage. I opened the front door only to see that no one was there. Looking around to see no sign of anyone, I shrugged and assumed that it was probably some neighbor’s kid playing ding dong ditch.

Shutting the door and leaning against it, I looked around at my surroundings. After years of saving up, I finally had a place to call my own. My new residence wasn’t too big and a little old but it was one of the cheapest homes I could find. Sure, it would need some work done here and there but overall I was really happy and proud of it.

I began to unpack a few of the boxes. I knew it was going to take a few days to completely be settled in so I tried to get as much done as possible.

“Where did I put that box...?” I mumbled to myself.

I could’ve sworn I placed it near the kitchen as it was one of the first boxes I carried inside. Searching the house, I finally found it in my bedroom. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. Maybe I had mixed it up with another box. After all, there were a lot of them.

For the rest of the day, I continued to unpack before finally passing out on the couch.

A week passed and everything was more or less organized and clean. I breathed a sigh of relief, finally done with chores. Just as I sat down on my bed, I heard a knock on the front door.

Groaning, I reluctantly sat up and made my way to the door. When I opened it, I saw nothing but empty space. 

“Again?” I muttered.

I rolled my eyes and shut the door. That was the third time this week and I was getting fed up. Deciding to ignore anyone who knocks on the front door for the rest of the day, I went to kitchen to make myself dinner.

Placing an empty plate on the table, I went to search the fridge to see what I could make out of the few items I had. As I was thinking of just ordering a pizza, I heard a loud smash and whipped around to see what happened.

On the ground was the plate that was now shattered to pieces.

How the hell...?

I clearly remember placing the plate on the table nowhere near the edge. There was no possible way it could have fallen off. Behind me, I heard the fridge door slam shut and I screamed. Panicking, I ran straight to my bedroom and locked the door.

With my back leaning against the door, I shut my eyes and waited for my breathing to slow down. 

“Please don’t tell me I live in a haunted house,” I whispered to myself.

“I wouldn’t use the word ‘haunted’.”

I opened my eyes and screamed. Standing before me was a man smiling. He had a slender build and soft facial features. He was pale and almost translucent in the light.

“Y-You’re a g-ghost,” I stuttered in fear, trying to create as much distance between us a possible.

“If you want to be blunt, then sure,” the man replied. “The name’s Hoseok, by the way. I have a name and I don’t want to be known as ‘ghost’.”

His overall calm demeanor and admittedly, kind face lessened my fear of him by a little bit. I was actually starting to feel more confused than scared.

“What?”

“All the knocks on the door, messing with your stuff, breaking the plate—that was all me,” Hoseok admitted. “Sorry about that plate. I didn’t actually mean to break it.”

All I could do was manage a nod as I stared at him in disbelief. Here I was, barely a week into living on my own, and I was talking to a ghost.

“You don’t plan on hurting me, right?” I asked.

Hoseok let out a loud laugh before sitting down on my bed.

“Hurt you?!” he exclaimed, still giggling. “The most damage I’ve ever done was to that plate I broke. But even that was an accident.”

Slowly, I took a tentative step forward. When Hoseok saw this, he patted on the sport next to him to indicate he wanted me to sit next to him. I made my way over and sat down, not once tearing my eyes off him.

He almost looked like a regular human being if it weren’t for the fact that I could see through him. Now that I was closer to him, I was able to get a better look at him. Hoseok had a fairly youthful face and a cheerful demeanor about him. If it weren’t for the fact that he was a ghost and I was terrified, I would’ve definitely feel happier around him.

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that staring is rude?”

I snapped out of my gaze and blinked up at Hoseok. He still wore a pleasant smile on his face, as if he was oblivious to the fact that he was a ghost.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “It’s just... For a ghost, you’re not exactly what I expected? From everything I’ve seen and heard, ghosts are supposed to be scary and cause terror and stuff.”

Hoseok shook his head. “You’re thinking of ghouls and poltergeists. Consider yourself lucky that you don’t have them in your house. Ghosts are just spirits that can’t move on to the spiritual world. Mainly because they have unfinished business or an unfulfilled wish.”

“Oh,” I replied. “So what’s your reason?”

“Hell if I know,” he shrugged. “I don’t even know why I’m in this house anyway. I’ve never seen it before.”

The more I talked to Hoseok, the more at ease I felt. Even though this entire situation was bizarre, the fact that he was so nonchalant helped calm me down.

“So once you figure out why you’re still here, then you’ll pass on?” I asked.

“More or less,” Hoseok replied. “Maybe the reason why I’m here specifically is because you’re supposed to help me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Think about it. Why else would I be here with you?”

I pondered his words carefully. Out of all the places to end up in, it had to be my very first home. Honestly, I wasn’t happy at all with this. I didn’t want to have to deal with this issue but I’m not heartless. If helping him meant that he could pass on and I can live peacefully, then so be it.

“Alright,” I said finally. “I’ll do it.”

Hoseok looked up at me in surprise. “Really? You’d do that for me?”

“Well, not exactly for you. But yeah. I’ll help you,” I said.

I stuck out my hand in front of me for him to shake. Face lighting up, he made an effort to shake it. Unfortunately, his hand passed through mine.

“Oh, right,” Hoseok giggled. I stopped myself from thinking about how adorable it sounded. “Well, we have a deal then.”

I woke up the next morning really groggy. 

That was a weird dream, I thought.

Yawning, I stretched my arms and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. Checking the time, I saw it already almost noon. Sighing, I forced myself out of bed to go to the bathroom.

When I opened the door, I came face-to-face with someone. Before I could scream at the top of my lungs, he spoke.

“You’re finally awake!” Hoseok greeted. “Good morning!”

Oh right... There’s a ghost in my house.

“Morning,” I said through another yawn. 

My stomach growled and I remembered that I was unable to eat dinner the night before due to the fact that I met Hoseok. I dragged my feet to the kitchen to make some toast for myself. My new companion trailed behind me and waited for me to sit down before speaking.

“How exactly are you going to help me?” he asked, not even waiting for me to take my first bite.

“I’m not really sure. I guess you need to think of possible reasons why you’re still here. Did you die in some sort of brutal way?” I asked.

He looked away. I mentally slapped myself as soon as those words came out. I’m not sure what was considered polite for a dead person but straight up asking them how they died was most likely not it.

“Um-”

“It’s okay. Don’t answer that,” I said quickly. 

He stared off into space and his usual positive aura disappeared completely. Whatever happened to him must’ve been something horrible and I felt bad for asking such a question. 

Eventually, he turned to give me his usual smile. Though it looked authentic, I could tell he was hiding many things behind it.

“Nothing too bad,” he responded. It sounded like a lie but I decided not to press him on it. “I don’t think how I died has anything to do with why I’m here.”

“Alright.”

I gave him a concerned look. If I could, I would’ve pulled him into a hug. Something told me deep down that his manner of death did have something to do with why he couldn’t pass on. He needed to come to terms with it if he wanted me to help. 

“Uh,” I started, trying to change the subject. “Maybe you should tell me about yourself? If I get a better idea of who you are as a person, then it’ll be easier to figure out why you’re here. What are your hobbies?”

Hoseok brightened up slightly.

“Well, I loved to dance,” he answered. “Mainly hip-hop. I was a part of this underground dance group for a few years before solo and finding my own style. I don’t even remember when I started dancing but I poured everything I had into it. ”

The more he talked about dance, the happier he got. I could tell he was extremely passionate about it and I couldn’t help but smile as eyes lit up and he became so animated. I almost envied him for having a hobby to love that much. 

As endearing as it was, I doubted that dancing had anything to do with him being a ghost. But I wasn’t going to stop him from talking. Even though I wanted a ghost out of my house as fast as possible, I didn’t mind spending some time to get to know Hoseok.

“How about school?” I asked.

It had been a couple days since we met and we still couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t move on. At this point, we were just thinking of any possible reason even if it didn’t make any sense.

“No, I was pretty okay in school,” Hoseok responded, sitting down on the couch next to me. 

I couldn’t help but look up at him as he fiddled with his fingers, deep in thought. There was no denying that he was handsome but something about him captivated me to the point where I started feeling butterflies in my stomach whenever we talked.

“You’re doing it again,” he said suddenly.

“Huh?”

“Staring,” he chuckled. “You would think you would get used to me by now. Is it because I’m see-through?”

“No! It’s just—never mind,” I said, eager to turn back to the previous subject. “Any problems with friends?”

“Nope. I was close with all of them. They were practically brothers to me.”

“Work?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Money?”

“No.”

“Pets?”

“What would pets have to do with this?” he asked, giving me an amused look.

I shrugged. I was running out of ideas which meant it would be hard to get Hoseok to move on to the spiritual world. 

“What about family?” I asked.

Hoseok froze, smile wiped off his face. He had the same expression on his face from when I asked him how he died. Based off that, I now knew that they were connected somehow. It was only a matter of him telling me what happened.

“Yeah, actually,” he whispered. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me anything. We can-”

“No,” he interrupted, looking me in the eye. “You said you wanted to help me so I should at least tell you what happened with my family. Besides, it’s not like it matters considering I’m already dead.”

I felt a pang in my chest when he said that. We had gotten along pretty well so far and I forget sometimes that he’s a ghost. But I felt sadder than usual.

“I’m all ears,” I told him.

He inhaled and shut his eyes before letting out a shaky breath. I reached over to grab his hand only to see it pass through. I pulled it back in embarrassment before he opened his eyes.

“When I was little, I went to this amusement park with my birth mother,” he began.

Birth mother. It was odd that he worded it that way.

“I remember her telling me the night before that we were going to go somewhere fun as a way to celebrate my birthday,” Hoseok continued. “I was so excited when I walked into the park, eager to start getting on rides.”

“Sounds like fun. How does it have to do with you... You know...”

“It’s... A complicated story. I’ll tell you the whole thing if you would listen,” he said playfully.

I nodded, shutting my mouth immediately and motioned for him to continue.

“Before we could go on any rides, she pulled me aside and told me she had a surprise for me. I figured that it would be a birthday present. Like a new action figure or something,” he said. “She told me to close my eyes and that she would tell me when to open them.”

I didn’t like where this was going. Hoseok had a sad, dark expression on his face as he kept telling the story. His hands were clenched tight into fists and his lip trembled. I braced myself for what he was going to tell me next.

“I closed my eyes, just as she asked, and waited for her to tell me to open them. In my head, I was thinking of all the different things that it could be. Eventually, I realized that a lot of time passed. Being a kid, I thought that it would be some big, amazing present,” he smiled sadly as he remembered. “I was so excited that I decided to peek a little bit.”

Hoseok stopped. When I looked at him, I could see tears threatening to fall from his eyes. It broke my heart seeing him like this. 

“When I opened my eyes, she was gone,” he whispered. “I looked everywhere for her and asked so many people for help. The police were called and they took me home only to find that she wasn’t there either. It was at that point where I realized that she had abandoned me and I never saw her again.”

I gasped, putting a hand over my mouth. It was shocking to know someone as bright and cheerful as Hoseok had to experience something so traumatizing. I could feel tears fall down my cheeks.

“Once I had accepted what happened, I felt so... betrayed. Unloved. It was horrible.

“Hoseok... I’m so sorry.”

We sat in silence for a little bit. I processed his story while he relived the memories. Finally, he sighed, looking resigned and defeated.

“It’s okay,” he said. “It happened a long time ago.”

I nodded and began to think. Hoseok was still obviously affected by what happened. There had to be only one reason why he couldn’t move on.

“Maybe...” I began to think aloud. “You’re ‘unfinished business’ is to find your mother? Get some answers from her?”

“Probably. I can’t think of any other reason why,” he said.

“The only way to find out is to find her.”

Hoseok did his best to tell me anything he remembered about her. He said that the police couldn’t find her so she most likely changed her name prior to abandoning him. I called as many of his family members as possible and asked what they knew. 

It was difficult to explain why I was asking without revealing I was with the ghost of Hoseok. They’d probably think I was crazy so I lied and told them I was investigator reopening the case. I was surprised by how easily they accepted that. Perhaps it was Hoseok’s recent death that made them eager to help me.

“Don’t forget to eat dinner,” Hoseok reminded me one night. “You have a bad habit of forgetting to eat.”

“I will,” I responded, reading an email from a distant relative of his.

We had been emailing for a few days now and so far, she had provided the most info on Hoseok’s mother.

“Honestly, I don’t know how you just forget something like that,” he said, shaking his head with his signature smile. “When I was alive, I had to eat every three hours.”

When I was alive.

It had been many weeks since we first met and we had gotten to know each other well. But as more time passed, the more I forgot that he wasn’t alive. I realized how sad the thought made me a long time ago and have since tried to bury it in the back of my mind.

“I’ll eat later,” I said, snapping out of my thoughts. “I think I have a lead on your mother.”

He sat up straight.

“You do?”

I motioned him over and pointed at the screen of my computer. He peered over my shoulder to read the email. I blushed at how close he was. Thankfully, he was focused on my computer and didn’t even notice.

“She wants to meet with you tomorrow to talk about my mother? That’s...” he trailed off.

It wasn’t exactly good or bad so I understand why he couldn’t find the right words. After all, we didn’t know what to expect from my meeting and I told him to be ready for whatever news we get. All he did was manage a nod and went off somewhere else probably to process everything. 

Tomorrow would be the day he finally gets his answers.

We stood in front of the entrance of the restaurant Hoseok’s relative told me to meet at. Hoseok stood next to me and when I looked over, he was practically trembling with nervousness.

Part of me was happy that he would finally get some closure and move on to the spiritual world. But another part ached inside. I knew that today would probably be the last day I’ll ever get with Hoseok. I nearly cried at the thought of not seeing him and his cheery smile every day.

“Are you sure about this?” I asked him.

He looked at me with a faint smile.

“We’ve gotten this far,” he said. “There’s no turning back now. But before we go in, I just want to thank you for doing this for me.”

“Of course.”

He looked like he wanted to say more but decided against it. I didn’t dwell on it too much and forced myself to go inside. 

I quickly spotted Hoseok’s relative and greeted her before sitting opposite from her. Hoseok was waiting behind the building to avoid being seen.

“Thank you for meeting me,” I told her with a smile. 

“Yes...” she responded. 

I was confused by her tone and noticed she had a grim expression on her face. That wasn’t a good sign and I became nervous.

“What can you tell me about Hoseok’s mother?” I asked, getting straight to the point.

She hesitated, finding interest in the napkin before her rather than look at me. I waited patiently for her to respond before she finally met my eyes.

“His mother was... not the greatest woman,” she started. “For as long as I can remember, she was always struggling in her life. Whether it was at home, school or work. As a result, his mother didn’t make the best decisions.”

“How so?”

“Well, she was a gambler. Always begging for money and owed a lot of debts to people,” she informed. “She was always off somewhere without telling anyone and wouldn’t come back for days, sometimes weeks. One day, after being gone, she came back an announced she was pregnant.”

“With Hoseok?”

“Yes, but we never knew who the father was. Apparently, he left her once he found out about the baby.”

I shook my head in disbelief. On top of his mother abandoning him, Hoseok didn’t even know who his father was. His story was truly a sad one.

“But...” I began, getting to the reason why I was here in the first place. “Why did she abandon Hoseok?”

The lady sighed and shook her head.

“Who knows? Honestly, I don’t think she ever wanted a child. I don’t know why she kept Hoseok rather than give him up for adoption but then again, no one ever knew her reasoning.”

“Where is she now?”

The woman paused, failing to meet my eyes. I felt a sense of dread within me and I had a feeling I already knew the answer before she even told me.

“She died of an overdose three years ago.”

“So how did it go?” Hoseok asked nervously when I met up with him.

I was still processing the news and found myself feeling numb. I couldn’t imagine how Hoseok would feel once he found out. Telling him would probably be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do.

“Let’s go home first,” I said, beginning to walk.

Hoseok must’ve sensed something was wrong and didn’t ask any questions. Instead, he walked next to me in silence all the way home.

As soon as I shut the door, he turned around.

“Tell me what happened. Please,” he begged. “I don’t care how bad it is. I just want to know.”

I shut my eyes and nodded silently, sitting down on the couch. He followed suit. Even though I wouldn’t be able to feel it, I placed my hand on his anyway. Hoseok looked down at it then looked up at me with a fearful look in his eye.

I took a deep breath and told him everything I learned, not leaving a single detail out. The entire time, Hoseok stayed silent, never breaking eye contact. Once I finished, he sat there in stunned silence.

“I’m sorry, Hoseok,” I said with tears in my eyes.

Rather than respond to what I told him, he said something else.

“You asked me a long time ago how I died. When we first met, remember?” he asked.

I nodded, slightly confused. “Why?”

“I think I should tell you what happened,” he said with a sad smile on his face. “You see, I died because of an overdose. But unlike my mother, mine was intentional.”

I gasped, feeling my heart drop. I opened my mouth to respond but realized that I didn’t know what to say.

“After my mother left me, I struggled,” he explained. “I thought to myself, ‘If my own mother couldn’t love me, then who would?’ I tried to think of reasons why it happened and most of them were just me blaming myself. Throughout my life, I thought I couldn’t love or that I wasn’t able to be loved. I thought I wasn’t good enough.”

“Hoseok... None of that is true,” I said to him, tearfully. “You are good enough. You are loved.”

He laughed sadly at my response. 

“You say that as if I’m still alive,” he said.

Hoseok looked at me with a melancholy expression. He reached up to wipe my tears away before realizing he wouldn’t be able to do so and reluctantly put his arm down.

“Why are you crying?” he asked me.

“It’s just... You, out of everyone in this world, didn’t deserve any of the shit you had to go through. You have such a warm and bright personality despite what happened. You deserved to be happy,” I told him, emotion behind every world.

“You really believe that?”

“Of course I do. I love you, Hoseok. I want nothing more for you to be happy.”

He was slightly taken aback at my response before he gave me a soft smile.

“I wish I had met you while I was alive,” he said. “If I had you, I wouldn’t have done what I did. I would’ve known that at least someone in the world loved me.”

His eyes widened suddenly, realizing something.

“What is it?”

“I now know why I couldn’t move on,” he muttered, looking deeply into my eyes. “It wasn’t to get closure from my mother.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I told you how my whole life, I felt unloved,” he explained. “All I ever wanted was for someone to love me. And I finally got that. You gave me that love I desperately wanted.”

He smiled brightly as I smiled back. That small moment of happiness didn’t last long, however, as we both realized the same thing at the same time.

“You got what you wanted. Which means that—”

“—it’s time for me to move on.”

I began to sob as Hoseok looked at me with tears in his eyes. Despite my feelings for him, I knew that one day I would have to say goodbye. 

He started to glow softly, signalling that our time was up.

“Thank you for everything,” he said through tears. “Thank you for loving me when no one else did.”

He placed a small kiss on my forehead as he glowed brighter. Hoseok gave me one final smile before he disappeared in a flash of light.

After the light faded away, I found myself sitting alone on the couch, missing someone I was never meant to be with.

[707morelikebreakmyheart]

cute scenario! sorry i took me so long to write haha, i’m terrible at keeping track of time and staying motivated.

i hope you enjoy this! also i’ll be sure to do V & Saeran soon enough i just need to find the time now that school has started up for me again :,)

YOOSUNG: -alright so you two had a baby together a few years into your marriage -you had a girl and you had named her mina for no other reason than it just sounded pretty -mina was just a sweetheart, she was three and a half years old and overall just a really good child -most of her features were yours but what definitely made her yoosung’s child were her bright amethyst hues and her smile that were both exactly the same as her father’s -both you and yoosung took turns taking care of her but most of the time you were the one watching over her since you worked from home a lot but overall it was pretty even -you never imagined you’d have to leave yoosung and mina alone but the job you worked required you to be out of town for a few days so you asked yoosung if he could watch her for a few days -yoosung immediately said yes and shut down his clinic to be able to fully watch over her -yoosung was a good dad and you trusted he would be able to handle things well so you just kissed both him and mina goodbye and left for your trip -you had left while mina was taking a nap so when she woke up cranky and searching for you yoosung immediacy panicked -despite the fact mina was a good well-behaved child, she had her tantrums every now and then like every other toddler. but hers were a fresh new level of hell -yoosung knew she wouldn’t be happy to find out you had left especially in her state of post-nap crankiness so he did everything he could to keep her distracted from your sudden disappearance -“where’s momma?” -“aHA,, mina look at these cool pictures of cats i helped at the clinic the other day!!” -she completely ignored your absence throughout the entirety of the first day you left because of yoosung’s constant distractions but it truly set in for her when you weren’t there to kiss her goodnight -yoosung was at the foot of her bed reading her a story and when he looked up to check on her after she didn’t have anymore cute commentary on the plot of the story he saw the silent tears streaming down her face and yoosung was just like: oH NO -mina then started full on sobbing while searching around the house for you with yoosung running after her trying to calm her down but nothing worked -after she tuckered herself while continuing to cry yoosung called you and asked to video chat because mina was not calming down even after some of his most desperate attempts to soothe her -when she saw you on the tiny screen she immediately lit up but she was still letting out a few sniffles here and there -you two talked for a while with mina pressed up against yoosung’s chest as she held up his phone so both of them could show up on the small box on the side of the screen -mina suddenly fell asleep out of nowhere and yoosung embarrassingly apologized for disturbing you so late at night but you just laughed it off and told him you were expecting her to find out you were gone sooner or later -the first day may have been rough but the next few days that you were gone were a lot smoother with mina only crying twice, both of those times being at her spilling over her food/juice all over herself (what a poor baby she’s extremely clumsy just like her dad) -after you came back home both of your babies were so happy to see you -you’re not sure who cried harder, yoosung or mina -you’re glad to be back with your small little family, where everything is always soft and warm and inviting.

ZEN: -so you two put off having a baby for a while because of his career and just how quickly it was blossoming forth -but one night you two hadn’t been so careful while having sex and ended up with a baby nine months later -it was a baby boy that you had named taemin for no reason. really, it was just the first name zen said when he was holding him in his arms -life while having to take care of a child as well as working and attending zen’s shows was a little hectic but you always made it work -as time passed and taemin grew, things got a little easier and both you and zen were able to fully indulge yourself in your life together without having to worry about a newborn baby anymore as much -taemin was now four years old and you wanted a night to yourself -don’t get it wrong, you loved your boys a lot but one of your friends had invited you to her bachelorette weekend party and you couldn’t resist not going -zen was on a small hiatus due to you requesting him to take a small break to rest after enduring a few small accidents in a few different musicals here and there -since he was on this small break you already knew he would be taking care of taemin -now taemin was a good kid. not only that but he was also beautiful, (he was the spitting image of zen as a child, beautiful white locks and all) -but despite him being a good kid he could get a bit cranky and hard to control at times -usually he would be casually outgoing and friendly but other times he would be biting at your arm or screaming at the top of his lungs because you said no to ice cream -he was a little demon to deal with at time but you and zen loved him to death -you were worried about taemin acting out on zen while you were gone because taemin was a big momma’s boy who tended to be more comfortable around you for no other reason other than that he just was -nonetheless you packed your bags and left your two boys to fend for themselves while you took a small break for yourself -taemin and zen were there to send you off when you went into the airport so taemin knew you were going to be gone -everything was fine on the car ride back home but the moment both zen and taemin walked into the house taemin started sniffling quietly asking when you would come back while rubbing at his watery eyes in an attempt to hide his tears -zen immediately felt himself go into protective mode after seeing his little boy cry and offered to take him to the park to get some fish shaped bread or ice cream -taemin immediately lit up and the two went off to spend their afternoon in a park, eating junk food zen wouldn’t ever dream of eating on his own accord but wouldn’t mind doing so to make his son happy -the next few nights you were gone went pretty well, with taemin and zen bonding over random television shows and zen’s musical talents -(zen would probably never admit it but he beyond p y s c h e d when taemin told him he he wanted to possibly take after him in the future in the musical industry) -despite the fact things went pretty well, taemin had little fits here and there over things like zen dropping his toys or him missing you late at night -you returned home around 6 am and despite the fact you were beyond exhausted you were excited to see zen and taemin because even though you had fun you missed them the entire time -you had tried your best to return quietly but taemin was already up and about and was now crying while tackling your legs and telling you how much he missed you -a few moments later zen came out to do the same -you were more than tired and a little bit delirious but you felt beyond happier to be back with your two favorite boys JAEHEE: -things with you and jaehee had been sweet and lovely for the most part -you two ran the cafe together for a few years before deciding it was time to add another family member to the mix of your small little household -you decided on adopting from a local orphanage because of jaehee’s fear of you or her getting hurt from carrying a donor’s baby -it was a long process but you both got accepted and not too long after adopted a boy around the age of three named jinsoo -at first he was very quiet and shy, so much so you and jaehee couldn’t get a single word out of him most of the time which made you both a little sadder than you’d like to admit but you understood that it would take time to build a relationship -over the course of a year and few months jinsoo went from a shy boy who could never speak a single word to a talkative and imaginative child both you and jaehee loved beyond words -he was always helping around the cafe or drawing pictures for both of you -your little family was sweet and you were happy to be raising such a good and healthy child with the love of your life -you never planned on going to visit your family without jaehee and jinsoo at your side but there was an emergency that required your attention as well as help so you reluctantly had to leave them both to go handle it -though jaehee was a little sad at your sudden disappearance she would be able to make it work -both of you never admitted it but jinsoo seemed to be more fond of you than jaehee -it made you a little sad but you also understood why he would feel closer to you since you were the one who coaxed him out of his shell -in the first day of your absence jinsoo seemed crankier than usual waking up -jaehee ignored this and just worked around his stubbornness to get ready to go to the cafe -jinsoo was sitting on the couch watching some random cartoon while jaehee made herself a cup of coffee -jaehee put on her shoes and called for jinsoo to put on his own since it was time to go -he walked towards the kitchen table and tippy tied to look up on it only to frown a little -“where’s breakfast mama?” -oh shoot -shoot shoot shoot -it suddenly hit jaehee that you were the one who usually made him breakfast -jaehee felt embarrassment and shame practically radiate off her as she took off her shoes and went into the kitchen to pour jinsoo some cereal -“mama, momma(you) usually makes me omurice that have a ketchup smiley face.” -despite the fact it was absolutely precious that you took the time and effort to put smiley faces on jinsoo’s breakfast everyday jaehee still felt her soul leave her body -she couldn’t cook to save her life!! -sure she could bake and make drinks but that was completely different! -jaehee made a poor excuse for omurice that jinsoo begrudgingly ate with a forced smile -the entire day at the cafe jinsoo looked a little more down than usual -so much so that some regular customers kept asking him if he was feeling alright -during jaehee’s rushed lunch break she asked him about it -jinsoo turned a bright red and twiddled with his fingers before opening his mouth to speak -“momma(again, you) usually brings me coloring books and my 3DS and snacks to play with and eat while she’s busy. but she told me never to tell you because you’d get maybe mad.” -jaehee felt her soul leave her body for probably the fortieth time that day, she was feeling like a failure of a parent!! -throughout the rest of the day at the cafe she tried her best to entertain jinsoo like you usually did while at the same time working, and it was beyond exhausting -she didn’t know how you did it!! she was so jealous but also proud of her lovely partner -jinsoo and her video chatted with you later at night because he couldn’t go to sleep without you telling him some silly story you make up on spot -the next few days were really similar to the first, jaehee just finding out more and more about you and jinsoo’s relationship, things she didn’t even know even after years of living with you both -when you came home jaehee was beyond relieved to have someone there to support her and to be the ‘fun and cool’ parent because poor baehee was unable to fill in that role :(( -both your cute boy and cuter gal crushed you with hugs and kisses for like an entire day and you’ve never felt so loved -you’re glad that you’re part of such a small but loving family JUMIN: -okay so he wanted children, real bad -he never really talked to you about it though because you were both still young and he wanted to live both of your younger days together just being free and having fun -but as time passed and you both got older you were the one to bring it up hesitantly at dinner -he immediately just: “mc, let’s go make a baby right now.” -and you are just like: “jumin please just let me finish this fancy salad first” -after a few tries you were pregnant and had a set of twins! -twins!! -jumin wanted the gender to be a surprise for him but what was even more surprising was just to see you holding two babies instead of just one -he was happy but also stressed at the thought of now being in charge of two precious little girls -he named them because you were too tired and delirious to come up with or even say the names you wanted to give them after the birth -jumin had named them yuna and hana -(he wouldn’t tell you why he chose those names, no matter how many times you asked and bugged him about it so you just assumed it was because they were popular girl names in south korea) -though it was hard you and jumin managed to raise them just fine, with the help of a few nannies and sitters of course (at jumin’s request so you could have time to rest) -they were both now three years old, almost four, and you couldn’t be happier about being their mother -they were very well-behaved and stoic in public but very spunky and cute in the privacy and comfort of their home (just like their dad!!) -yuna was the calmer of the two and the one that looked more like jumin, with the sameface shape and cold sharp blue eyes, except she had your smile and nose -hana was the more excitable out of both of them, she had your eye color as well as your dimples and face shape, but had the raven locks her father possessed -jumin never let you travel alone and you never thought about leaving him and the girls together alone but you wanted them to bond without you in the room for once -though they were close to jumin and he loved them dearly they never had time to really talk one on one -he even missed christmas and the girl’s birthday this year because of work!! -they were devastated and you wanted him to make it up to them -so you cleared your afternoon schedule and went clothes shopping by yourself, leaving jumin and the girls alone at the penthouse -it was beyond awkward not to have you around -yuna and hana were both big daddy’s girls but you were the one giving them that push to get close to their father -it was beyond intimidating to have your six foot tall father just stare at you from afar without saying anything -after a while hana was the one to propose that they put a puzzle together -both yuna and jumin’s eyes lit up because they were so bad at other games that an activity as simple as putting a puzzle together wasn’t so easy to mess up as other games were -it started off innocently enough, with jumin just sitting on his living room floor putting a puzzle with a picture of kittens in the basket as the final result with his daughters but then it got intense -yuno kept getting all mad at hana for not putting certain pieces together quick enough -poor hana was just silently dying inside while watching yuno struggle and force two pieces to go together despite the fact they obviously weren’t meant to -at one point yuno broke two pieces by squeezing them too tightly together and hana just started crying and jumin didn’t notice until he went to put a section of the puzzle near hana and noticed all the water drops covering her section -he looked up to see hana just smiling while tears poured down her face and his heart just immediately dropped and he was just like: what what what wha- -yuno was the fastest to react out of both of them and shoved the puzzle of the way and hugged hana’s neck, pulling her down on top of her while letting out a little laugh -“stop crying dummy” -“you and dada both are killing me at puzzles” -jumin after a moment of letting everything sink in suddenly picks up both of his daughters and spins them around -hana is laughing -yuno is screaming -it was an awkward afternoon filled with apologies to having been ‘killing’ hana at puzzles and then watching disney movies until they both fell asleep -hana was laying against jumin’s right side and yuno was leaning against jumin’s left side and he has never felt so much pride and happiness than he did in that moment -no good meeting or good business deal or money made him as happy as just being surrounded by junk food and two sleeping girls while watching moana silently by himself, for the millionth time -in his little moment of feeling happy and warm he fell asleep too, head lolled back against the couch while smiling -you returned home a little late to find your little family all curled up in clearly uncomfortable positions while watching what seemed to be the rolling credits to a movie -you let out a little snort which caused jumin to wake up immediately (light sleeper) -he adjusted to the light surrounding him before looking you up and down and smiling softly -he mouthed ‘my love, welcome home’ silently while gesturing you to come closer -you did as you were told, now curling up in his lap as you tried not to disturb your girls that were happily snoozing away -you wrapped your arms around his neck and let out a satisfied sigh -“i’m assuming it was a good afternoon?” you questioned in a whisper as jumin slightly chuckled into your ear -“indeed so, even better now that i’m surrounded by my favorite girls.” -you were beyond glad, your family was healthy and happy and jumin han was still the sweetest man alive -what more could you ask for? SAEYOUNG: -alright so you two were young and dumb for the first few years of your relationship -he married you after like a year of dating and you couldn’t be happier -after messing around too recklessly one night you ended up pregnant -you were scared about how he would react but you told him anyways, not expecting him to burst into tears while sinking to his knees and then lean his head against your stomach -after nine months of him preparing to be a father and saeran scolding both of you when catching you eating junk food the day had come -the birthing was long and painful and you didn’t even see or hear the baby’s gender much less how many babies there really were -triplets -you had triplets -saeyoung was sobbing, saeran was silently crying inside, and you were just confused onto why you were now holding three babies with tufts of red hair peeking out beneath different colored blankets -it was beyond hellish to raise three kids when saeyoung was still a child himself -at times it felt like you were raising four kids instead of just three -out of the three babies you had one of them was a girl and two were boys -you had named the girl minjun, and saeyoung had name the boys seojun and jiho -the three of them were both now four years old and you and saeyoung (as well as saeran) were beyond psyched that they could now walk and talk and do normal everyday things without your constant guidance -it was just cute to see them communicate with each other and to see them grow and learn as time passed -seojun and jiho were exactly like saeyoung, bright red orangish hair and honey glazed hues -except they had your face shape and smile, something saeyoung loved beyond words -minjun had been born with bright red hair but it mellowed out in your hair tone, except a little brighter -she had a darker shade of eye color that was similar to saeyoung’s and she had his face shape and smile -something that made you beyond happy -you loved your boys a lot but at times they could be very cruel to their sister, both not including her in their games or sometimes tugging at her hair a little too hard almost always resulting in tears from her -saeran would always jokingly ask her if he wanted him to beat them up but she always declined despite the fact all they did was mercilessly tease her -god she was such a sweetheart -you never left any of your family alone. -no matter where you went or who you went with they would always be at your side or right behind you -some may have assumed it was because you were overprotective but really it was just because you wanted to experience life with your beautiful lover and your small family as well as saeran all by your side -you had an emergency come up that would require you to travel for a few days, except for once in their four years of life the triplets weren’t going with you, and neither was saeyoung nor saeran -you had some very personal matters to attend to immediately and you left as quickly as you could, leaving saeyoung in charge and hoping for the best -now, saeyoung wasn’t the best father per say -don’t get it wrong! he was a very funny dad! and very involved in the lives of his children more than his father had ever been in his life and he was very caring and sweet, always finding a way to cheer his kids up and keep them happy -except, he was terrible at taking firm control of different situations -he didn’t have the heart to say no to his kids much less scold them -most of the time it was saeran scolding him and his kids for their troublesome antics, which you were more than grateful for -the first day you had left hadn’t been too eventful -it was just the boys being troublesome and reckless, like usual, and minjun just minding her business playing with her dolls -it wasn’t until jiho snatched one of her many dolls from her hands and popped its head right off with ease did things go downhill -his deviant smile disappeared right from his face when minjun just stayed silent, tears streaming down her face as she clenched her fists together tightly -saeyoung was in the other room, working on little toy robots here while humming a tune until a shriek snapped him out of his calm little daze -he sprinted out into the next room to find minjun sobbing her heart out and jiho screaming at the top of his lungs as she tugged at his red locks harshly -saeyoung broke them apart as quickly as he could while seojun watched quietly from the corner, fear quite evident in his honey hues -after a little while minjun was being held tightly by saeran and saeyoung was comforting but also scolding jiho -“i’m so sorry you got hurt but don’t do that minjun’s toys. i need you to stop being so cruel or else you’ll never have anyone in your life.” -it may have been a bit harsh but jiho got the message rather quickly and looked over at minjun, who was leaning against saeran’s chest with her back. -eyes droopy and ringed with red as she lazily glanced at her brother before looking at the ground and twiddling with her fingers -both jiho and minjun simultaneously started crying while over to minjun, unintelligible gurgles of possible apologies erupting from their throats as the crushed their sister with a hard hug to which she somehow accepted without much trouble -saeyoung let out a sigh of relief as saeran just watched the children make up with a soft smile -the three of them became closer that day, to which saeyoung was forever grateful for, and  no more problems occurred for the rest of the days you were gone -but it was still quite obvious your kids missed you -all three of them were crankier than usual and didn’t laugh at saeyoung’s jokes as much as they did when you were here -at one point he caught all three of them complaining about his sad attempt at making macaroni -he was..beyond hurt -so much so that in that moment he fell to the ground while holding his chest and spewing out some tragic macbeth lines while his kids only stared in horror, obviously gullible and distressed -“papa! what-what we do?” -“you-you, should’ve eaten the…macaroni..” -if they were even remotely cranky before that they were even crankier now -it was a pain in the ass for saeyoung to deal with now all three of their antics now that they were all close and buddy-like but he somehow made it work -he accepted their hair pulling and kicks to the shin with a smiling face while dishing out a few scolds here and there -he was beyond exhausted the fifth day you were gone, so much so that he didn’t even notice the kids scribbling all over your private study’s white walls -he was just casually taking a nap until he felt saeran shaking him while scolding him -“not to alarm you or anything, but your kids just completely ruined MC’s white walls with their… ‘art’.” -what? -“saeyoung! jiho, minjun, seojun, mommy’s home!” -wAIT WHAT -saeran looked up at the entrance of the bunker with a small smile while saeyoung felt his soul leave his body -the three little bundles of nothing but pure destruction came out laughing and smiling while crushing you in hugs while saeyoung forced a smile on his face while letting out a laugh of his own, a nervous one -you squinted your eyes at him before walking over to him, your children dangling all over your limbs as you easily took long strides -“what’s wrong honey?” you asked, worry painting your features -suddenly saeyoung placed both his hands on your face and pulled you in for a kiss, to which you hesitantly responded to at first before full kissing him long and hard, evidence that you had missed him quite evident in the kiss -after a short while you pulled back, your eyes were closed and mouth slightly parted and saeyoung felt his heart curl at the sight -you were still as beautiful as you were the first time he kissed you -“what did you do?” -what -“honey,” you stated with an icy tone as you stared at him blankly -“what, did, you, do?” you asked once more as he fiddled with his fingers -“i-it’s not something i did but rather your children.” -his kids all snapped their heads to him as shock painted their faces -their father had ratted them out! for once in his life! -you looked at the kids dangling from your limbs and cocked your head at them, a sweet but dangerous smile pulling at your features -“what did you guys do while mommy was gone, hm?” -before saying anything they all started crying, not wanting to face the terror that was both your scolding and punishments for being naughty -saeyoung put his hands together in a praying symbol while mouthing “please forgive me” over and over again -you only found out about your white walls through saeran, because both your children and saeyoung were too petrified of you to even say anything -it was hellish to deal with all the chaos that was this family, but you’d never give it up. you loved saeyoung’s crazy antics and your children’s even crazier antics, and saeran’s calm nature. -it was all well-balanced and you loved it more than words could ever even begin to explain.

[iwantthedean]

Question.

Summary: Nicsen heads to Vegas with Mishley for a wedding ... but what surprise does Jensen have up his sleeve?

Word Count: 1655

Pairing: Jensen x Nicole

Warnings: None?

A/N: Thanks @d-s-winchester and @impalaimagining for going with my gut, so to speak, and writing for my If Walls Could Talk series. This is more of an added-after-the-fact as opposed to part of the actual series, but it was fun to write -- and yes, there will be more!

If Walls Could Talk Masterlist

I could hear Tina, Ashley’s mom, in my head. Her tone was very serious, despite the fact that we had been joking around just minutes before during a FaceTime call Ashley had placed to her mother.

Don’t let her do it, Omaha. I swear, if you let her go to Vegas and get married, I’ll disown you both. And Misha, to boot.

Yet here I was, in a Vegas chapel, in a dress that was serving as a last-minute maid of honor dress. Here I was in a fucking Vegas chapel, helping Ashley get ready to marry Misha.

Oh, I was never going to forgive Jensen for setting these two up. Once I came back from the dead after Tina killed me for letting this happen, I was going to haunt his ass until he joined me in the afterlife.

“Smile,” Ashley said, breaking into my thoughts. “I’m getting married today!”

I sighed. “I’m happy for you, Ash, really but – Vegas? Are you sure this is the way you want to do this?”

Ashley shook her head. “All I know is I want to marry Misha. As soon as I realized that, I knew that the ceremony and the dress and the cake and the guests – none of that was as important as spending my life with him.”

How could I argue that? In the three months since Jensen and I had finally gotten together, everything had gone quickly. We were already in love, and that seemed to accelerate everybody’s life, somehow. I got the permanent job at the hospital, managed to keep my apartment next door to Jensen month-to-month, and Ashley made a smooth transition to Vancouver. Her relationship with Misha had clearly accelerated quickly as well; while I was content to be Jensen’s girlfriend for the time being, she was one-hundred-percent ready to marry Misha.

And now here we were in Vegas, with me waiting for Tina to jump out at any moment and scold me for allowing this to happen.

“I’m serious,” Ashley said sternly. “If you don’t get it together, Nic, I’m never going to forgive you. My mother is not going to jump out from around the corner and get you. She doesn’t even know we’re here.”

Damn. She read me like a book. With a deep breath, I pushed all of the thoughts of why this maybe was just a little crazy, and put my full effort into being happy for my best friend.

Just before the ceremony, Ashley and I stood outside of the room where she would marry Misha. Her eyes were wide and her face pale; it was that whole deer in the headlights look.

“Ashley? You okay?”

She nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure? You look like –”

“Jensen’s gonna ask you –”

But she was interrupted before she could finish her sentence. The wedding coordinator opened the doors so that I could walk in before Ashley. I pasted a smile on my face so that Ashley’s wedding pictures wouldn’t be ruined, but my heart was racing a million miles a minute, it felt like.

Jensen was going to ask me what?

 The ceremony went by in a blur. I kept the smile on my face and took her flowers when I was supposed to, fulfilled my maid of honor duties to a T – except I would not and could not meet Jensen’s eyes to save my life.

Even when we were walking back down the aisle behind the happy newlyweds, I couldn’t look at him. Hell, I could barely take the elbow he offered. Also with a smile – God, I loved his smile – stretching across his face, he spoke to me quietly.

“You look like you’re going to vomit,” he said through his smile. “Worried Tina is going to blame this on you? Nic, they’re in love. They’ll be fine.”

I shook my head as we exited the room. “Not worried about them.”

“What then?”

I shook my head again. No use in telling him I was worried about something I didn’t even know for sure about. I just need to get Ashley and have her finish her sentence, and everything would be fine.

Except that Little Miss Happily Married was out the door and on her way to her honeymoon suite before I could catch her. Grumbling to myself as I gathered up the things in the room where she and I had finished getting ready, I tried to decide what I was going to do.

Obviously, my brain went straight to assuming Jensen was going to propose. Was I ready for that? Part of me wasn’t sure, and the other part felt absolutely horrible that he always seemed to be waiting on me to catch up with him in terms of our relationship. I love Jensen, with my whole heart, and I didn’t want to be with anyone else – ever. Marriage seemed like such a crazy commitment, though. Especially after only three months together. We’d only actually known each other for around five months … no. It was just too quick. We hadn’t even talked about marriage yet, and he was planning to propose. What in the hell was happening?

Before I knew it, I had just about worked myself into a full-blown panic attack. I had to sit down to catch my breath, and that’s how Jensen found me after he had gathered up the few things he and Misha needed to take back to the hotel.

“Whoa, you all right?” he asked, concern etching into his features. He knelt in front of me and forced me to me his eyeline.

I nodded, swallowing hard. “You know I love you, right? We don’t need to rush into anything, right? I’m always ten steps behind you, it seems, and I’m trying to catch up, but this is a huge commitment and …”

“Slow down,” Jensen said. He kissed me softly, putting a stop to any further rambling I might allow to tumble off my tongue. “You and I are perfect, okay? No. We don’t need to rush into anything. Ashley and Misha did because, well, that’s the tone of their relationship. And that’s great for them. You and I though, Nicole, we are exactly perfect right where we are.”

I nodded as I leaned forward to put my arms around his neck and pull him closer. It didn’t matter that thing I was panicking over was my relationship with him and where it was possibly headed potentially too soon. Jensen was the only one I needed to make me feel calm again.

 The plan was to get Ashley and Misha married, then go waste money on slot machines and alcohol. I got bored with the slot machines after not too long, though, so I ordered a bottle of whiskey up to the room and left Jensen at the blackjack table.

An hour later, I was drunk as a skunk and laughing my ass off to an episode of Golden Girls. Jensen was well-intoxicated, too and, after stripping down to his boxers, fell onto the luxurious bed beside me.

“You do wanna get married someday though, right?”

Thank God for the alcohol to chase away my anxiety. “Someday. I thought we were good right now?”

“We are,” he assured, clumsily positioning himself over me and kissing my collarbone. “No matter. I have other things on my mind right now.”

I giggled as his kisses moved to my neck. “But this is the episode where Blanche has the dream about her husband!”

Jensen fumbled for the remote and turned off the TV. With a protest that quickly turned into giggles, I rolled over so that I was on top of him and met my lips to his.

 The next morning, thanks to our activities and a tall glass of water before going to sleep, I didn’t feel too hungover. A little breakfast and everything should be just fine.

Except that I woke up to a post-it note stuck to my head. Since we had starting dating, I had only gotten a couple of post-its from Jensen, but that was okay. It was still our special thing.

Snagging the sticky note off my forehead, I called for Jensen. “Really, a post-it on my forehead, Ackles?”

I heard a chuckle from the bathroom, so I reluctantly slipped out of bed and headed in that direction. He was freshly showered, leaning against the sink with that mischievous smirk on his face that made me both want to smack him and kiss him, all at the same time.

“Did you read it?” he asked.

I narrowed my eyes. No, of course I hadn’t read it. Who reads the note stuck to their forehead when they wake up? Taking a look at the yellow paper, I read, Question.

But hadn’t he said …? Okay. This was fine. I could play this off. I could not freak out. “Okay, Dwight, what’s your question?”

Jensen rolled his eyes at my reference to The Office, but then stepped forward and took my hand. “I’m not going to ask you to marry me, but I am wondering if, you know, maybe … would you want to move in with me?”

My face broke out in a grin before I could even think twice. I took that as a good sign, and was relieved that, for once, I was right on pace with Jensen.

“Yes!” I squealed before throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him fiercely. “I would love to live with you.”

“Even in Austin, during breaks and hiatus?”

I bit my bottom lip. That made me a little more nervous, but I was excited enough to want to move forward, so I gave him a definitive nod. “Even then.”

His grin and my grin melded together into a perfect kiss. I couldn’t wait to get back to Vancouver and start this new chapter of our relationship – to start it together.

[writingwithadinosaur]

“Cautious” - Part 5

“Cautious” - Part 5

(Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4)

My Masterlist - Here

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 4,176

Key: Y/N = Your Name, L/N = Your Last Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color

Warnings: Cursing, Mentions of Torture,

Summary:  Bucky is now pretty much rehabilitated and able to be part of the group. Reader was taken by Hydra and made the subject of experiments due to her having powers (something similar to the force, but not the force).    She is slowly getting more comfortable with the Avengers, but is still working on it. Bucky stayed with her while everyone went on a mission. The two have bonded very well.

Author’s Note: Welcome to Part 5! Be prepared for some feels! There should be two or so more parts after this one. I have the next couple of parts planned out. The next few parts or really the rest of this fic is also going to be on the lengthier side. I hope you guys don’t mind!

Just a reminder: This is my interpretation of the characters and the reader is one of my own creation. I leave the names and such open so you can put your own name and features in or you can create your own. I know this may not please everyone, but I’m writing this for myself. I hope people will enjoy this fanfic, but I know that you can’t please everyone.

I also want to say thank you to everyone who has shown so much support with the past pieces I’ve written. I didn’t expect to get such a great response from writing. I hope this storyline doesn’t disappoint!

Special shout out to @goodnightwife​ for being a wonderful beta reader and wonderful person in general! Please go check out her page for some cute fics as well!

If you would like to be tagged in any future pieces, please let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

<3

- DreaSaurusREX

Tags: @luciebell-writes​ @goodnightwife​ @bexboo616​ @bicryptids​ @mayfeather27

    Pain. That’s all you felt. Your whole body ached and you could feel how many cuts and bruises you were going to grow within the next few hours. You couldn’t breathe. Your head was being held down in a tub of freezing water. These Hydra fuckers were back at it again with the torture. You didn’t want to give in. You didn’t want to show them your whole self. You could not become their weapon.

    The red aura-ed man was standing over your kneeled body. His bitches had finally backed off from dunking your head in the water. You fought to catch your breath, finding yourself going into a coughing fit. You needed to lean forward and cough it all out. You still felt your body lean forward and ended up with your forehead against the cold linoleum flooring.

    In the middle of your fit, a large hand grabbed the back of your head and pulled you back to your knees. You begin to plead for them to not make you go back underwater. An ominous laugh burst out behind you and you realized that this wasn’t one of the henchmen. The red aura-ed man twisted you around until you were face to face while still gripping your hair.

    “Poor, sweet (Y/N). You know how much good this begging does. The only way this will get any easier for you is if you succumb to us and use your abilities for our cause. That super soldier that you fell head over heels for was a much better dog than you, bitch”

    Before even thinking, your rebellious side decided it would be smart to spit in his face. Literally spit in this Hydra leader’s face. Yep, super smart.

    As soon as you did this, you knew you fucked up. His eyes close and he let out a slow, maniacal laugh. You had no idea where his mind was or what he was going to do now.

    As he continued to laugh, he threw you to the ground.  You tried to back away but hit a wall. Even if you wanted to attempt to stand and run away, you couldn’t. The man had ruined your ankle before and it still hurt to put a normal amount of pressure on it. There was a strange look in the man’s eyes, like a predator coming after its prey. He stopped right in front of you and glared down at you. Without any warning, he brought his leg up and stomped heavily on your ankle.

    You were in so much pain. Your ankle was fucked up before, but now it was shattered. There was absolutely no way of escaping. You felt yourself fading in and out. You fought to stay awake.

    He squatted down to your level and grabbed your arms painfully tight. He shook you while yelling at you. His voice was muffled but you could tell that if you didn’t answer, it would end badly for you. It sounded a little different than his actual voice, but somehow still familiar.

    The only thing you could make out was “Maybe I’ll try that soldier again. Maybe that’s what it’ll take for your to completely break.”

    You were in too much agony to respond. He raised one of his arms up, getting ready to strike you. You held your arm up to try to defend yourself. Then everything went black.

~~~~~~~~

    Your eyes shot open and you were in a bed in a dark room. You felt hands on your arms and panicked. You broke free from one of the grips somehow. Living on edge as much as you do, you had a pocket knife under the pillow next to you. You instinctively reached for it and flipped it out. Before you could fight back, the hands that were on your arms moved to your wrists and pinned you down. You tried your hardest to fight back. You tried to squirm out of his grip, yelling as you did so. You were in complete fear. But then you heard his voice.

~~~~~~~~

    It started as little whimpers and groans. Bucky had finished doing the dishes and was sitting in the living room doing some other work. It was extremely silent in the tower, so he could hear anything going on. He heard some noises from your room but dismissed them as normal. But then it got to words and quickly escalated to full on crying and screaming. He instantly dropped everything and ran to your room.

    He saw you jerking and gripping your pillow as tight as you could. There was no doubt that you were having a nightmare, and Bucky could guess what it was about.

    He tried to just lightly shake you awake, but you were too deep into the nightmare. He grabbed your arms a bit tighter and shook a bit harder. Not enough to do any harm.

    You woke up finally. He was going to breathe a sigh of relief when you somehow broke out of his grip and had a knife in your hand. Bucky’s instinct kicked in. As you swung at him, he grabbed your arm, hit the knife out of your hand and threw it across the room. He didn’t want to, but he had to grab both of your wrists and hold you down. You weren’t back yet.

    “(Y/N)! (Y/N)! Hey! You’re okay! You’re safe! It’s me. It’s Bucky.” He tried his hardest to make you see his face. He knew you would come out of this haze in a few seconds. He just had to be patient and try to do what Steve used to do for him.

~~~~~~~~

    “Bucky?” You studied his face for a second, those incomparable eyes were his. A flash of light reflected off one of his arms that was holding you down. You felt the coolness of the metal. That really showed that his was real, he was real.

    “I’m so sorry, Bucky. I just…” You could barely get those few words out before your broke down crying. He was quick to pull you into his lap and wrap his arms around you. You buried your head in the crook of his neck while he traced soothing patterns along your back.

    “Shh… It's okay. There’s nothing to apologize for. It was all a bad dream. You’re okay.” He realized how cold you felt. It was like touching an ice pack. He let go of you so he could take off his hoodie and help you into it. “I got you, sweetheart.”

    Bucky’s hoodie was incredibly warm and had such a strong scent. It was comforting, but not enough to bring you back to a normal breathing pattern. You were still thinking about what happened in your nightmare. Everything seemed so real. You could feel the man grabbing you and smashing your ankle again.

    “I was back in that lab. They were torturing me again and he said he was going to go after you and the pain…” As he lovingly shushed you, he picked you up so he could lean against your headboard with you still in his lap.

    “It’s okay. I’m here, doll. I’m not going anywhere.” He got comfortable and secured his arm around you, his other arm slowly rubbing your arm. You adjusted yourself so you were back in the crook of his neck. You pulled the sleeves of the hoodie down so you could bundle it up and hold them in your palms. The tears kept flowing, you couldn’t stop yourself from shaking. You felt fragmented, but Bucky somehow kept you from breaking more.

~~~~

    It took about 15 minutes for you to get back to a manageable state. You stopped crying 10 minutes ago. You were shaking a bit, but not nearly as bad as early. You found your breathing getting closer and closer to normal. You wanted to talk, but you couldn’t find the words you wanted. You wanted to talk it out, but you didn’t know where to start. You just felt bad.

    Bucky had stopped everything he was doing to come to your rescue. He woke you up and shook you from your imagined hellscape. He is staying with you now, making sure you are okay. He gave you his hoodie because you were cold and he knew it would help. Banner didn’t tell him to do this. No one expected him to go this far with watching over you. He was really doing this because he wanted to. You felt kind of guilty for putting him through this. You knew he wouldn’t accept your apology, but you thought it’d be good to do so anyways.

    “Bucky?” You wanted to make sure he was awake so you weren’t talking to the air. You felt him shift a bit underneath you, probably to get himself in a position where he could be ready for anything you needed.

    “Yeah, doll?”

    “I’m sorry about all of this. I didn’t think the nightmares would get that bad. And if they did, I thought I could handle them.”

    A thought came to your mind. You pulled a knife on Bucky. You sat up and looked at your hands with such a confused and remorseful face.

    He saw your face change and knew something clicked in your head. “(Y/N)? Hey. What’s wrong, (Y/N)?”

    “I pulled a knife on you. You have been nothing but kind and supportive and I pulled a goddamn knife on you.” You felt your breathing becoming struggled, your hands were shaking pretty bad. Bucky took your hands in his and tried to have you look at him.

    “(Y/N), I know you didn’t do it on purpose. You didn’t realize it was me. I’m sure you thought it was whoever was in your nightmare. Pulling the knife out was self defense. It was instinct.”

    He could feel you still shaking, you were looking down, so deep in your thoughts. He still hand one of your hands in his, but moved the other to your chin to make you look at him.

    “Hey. You’re fine. I mean it. I used to do similar things to Steve when I was still recovering. Hell, I almost shot him. Four or five times actually. It’s almost expected for you to have these types of reactions. After what you’ve been through, I’d be surprised if you didn’t have some sort of immediate self defense like that.”

    You were starting to feel a bit better. You knew Bucky had had nightmares too, but you didn’t know how bad his reactions were. A stray tear rolled down your cheek as you gave his hand a small squeeze. Bucky gave a small smile and brought his hand to your cheek and wiped away the tear.

    “Now, come on back. I’m gonna stay here and make sure nothing bad happens again. And don’t even try to tell me to leave.”

    You didn’t want to argue, you actually really wanted him to stay. You felt safe and okay around Bucky. Holding his hand, being next to him, or even just talking to him made you feel normal. Like how it used to be before Hydra.

    You grabbed your laptop and put on a few videos from youtube channel that you enjoyed. It was a video game commentary group that was basically improv comedy over their gameplay. It was light hearted and easy to fall asleep to. You had shown this channel to Bucky, and while he could really get over the detailed video games, he found the commentators funny.

    Bucky laid back and took your laptop. He placed it on his lap as you settled back under your sheets. He put his arm around you and you pulled yourself closer to him. You bunched up the end of one of the sleeves of his hoodie that he let you borrow, and brought it up to your face along with pulling up the collar too. It smelled peaceful and the fabric was breathable but cozy enough to help you feel secure.

    He was watching the video and absentmindedly running his hand through your hair, which was insanely nice. You felt your eyes starting to get heavy as you listened to the video and Bucky’s heartbeat, and ended up falling asleep fairly quickly. Bucky felt you drifting. He looked down to see you curled up against him with his hoodie and him pulled close. Leaning down a bit, Bucky kissed your forehead before whispering to you, hoping it wouldn’t wake you up.

    “You’re safe, I promise. Goodnight, doll.”

~~~~~~~~

    There was light shining through a crack in your blinds that landed right across your face, causing you to wake up. Pulling your phone from it’s charger cord, you checked the time. 8:30AM. Pretty normal wake up time for you by now.

    You woke up wrapped around a pillow. Did last night really happen or was it all part of a dream? Peeling the covers back, you walked to your bathroom. You stared in the mirror and saw that you were wearing someone else’s hoodie. 

    Bucky’s hoodie. 

    So last night was real. Bucky probably woke up early and went to go do something. That’s when you started to smell something. Pancakes? Then you heard music. You had to go investigate.

    You took off the hoodie because you were a bit warm now, and hobbled out of your room with your crutches. Following the sound led you to the kitchen, where you saw Bucky cooking pancakes and listening to one of the soundtracks from your computer. He seemed so calm and relaxed.

    You debated on whether to continue into the kitchen or go back to your room. You felt like such a bother last night, Bucky should get a break from you. You didn’t want to be any more of an inconvenience.

    As soon as you began to turn to go back to your room, you hear Bucky’s voice. His weirdly good hearing must have kicked in. You look back and see that smile that you’ve come to know and love.

    “Morning, doll! Go ahead and sit, I’m making pancakes. Figured you’d want some too. You sleep okay?”

    “Yeah. I was out solid halfway through that video.”

    “Good. Good. Well, it’ll be another couple minutes for breakfast.”

    “I’m gonna make some tea then.” You hobble over to the cabinet and find the tea flavor that you were craving. He already had a cup of hot water waiting for you. You put the tea in and let it steep before grabbing your creamer from the fridge. Then you had a thought.

    You put your creamer in your tea and once you put the cap on the carton, Bucky took it from you to put it back in the fridge. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath and focused on your tea. You felt a shift in the area around you, causing you to open your eyes. You saw the now familiar, invisible, cubes come circle around the cup and begin to lift it up. A small smile formed on your face as you started to make your way to the table, with your mug in mid air next to you.

    Bucky turned around from putting the creamer away and just stared in awe. He knew you were getting stronger and this wasn’t a huge deal compared to how you kept yourself stable yesterday, but he still found a smile had formed on his face because of how proud he was. You were opening up, you were growing, and you seemed happier.

    He finished making the last of the pancakes as you came back into the kitchen.

    “I forgot yogurt.” You said as you headed to the fridge. You were kind of weird, that was already known. One of your many quirks was that you liked vanilla yogurt and fruit and/or granola on your pancakes instead of syrup. You took a step towards the fridge and Bucky spoke to stop you.

    “I’ll get it for you. You go on and sit.”

    “I can grab it myself.” You said as you opened the fridge and made the cup of yogurt float out of the drawer and follow alongside you as you went back to the table. You gave Bucky a small smirk as he met you at the table. He put the plates of pancakes down before grabbing your crutches from you and leaning them up against the wall.

    You two began eating and it was pretty silent. You wanted to talk about last night, but you didn’t know how to. So you just sat and played with your food while trying to think of the correct words. It wasn’t until Bucky spoke that you realized how long you had been doing so.

    “You doing alright, doll? Sorry if the pancakes aren’t the best.” He smiled at the end to let you know he was joking. You let out a small chuckle and a smile.

    “No no. The pancakes are great. I just… I’m trying to think of how to phrase something without messing it up.”

    “Do you wanna try to just talk? You can take all the time you need, I’ll wait until you’re done to respond.” God damn it, why was he so wonderful?!

    “Alright. I guess I can try.” You took a deep breath in and began speaking your mind. “Last night. I’m sorry you had to deal with that, but I’m also so grateful that you were there and stayed there. After you helped me calm down to a manageable state, I felt so safe and content next to you. The entire time I’ve been here, I have always been a bit wary. I understand that it’s safe, it’s just that my mind and body act like it’s not. But then I spend these past few days with you, and last night with you, and I just… I feel okay. I actually feel okay around someone else other than Bruce. Even around Bruce I’m still a bit off.”

    You took a sip of tea to kind of stall for some more thinking time.

    “Is that all that you wanted to say?”

    “No. Two more things. 1) I will never stop saying ‘Thank you’ to you and 2) I like you. That being said, I don’t know where I want to go from there. I obviously don’t know how you feel about me. And I just… I think I should probably get a little bit more comfortable with the rest of the team before anything like a relationship is even questioned. I lied, there’s one more thing. I’m sorry if this made anything weird or awkward, I just wanted to get everything out because I feel like I can with you.”

    Bucky took a second to process all of what you had just said. Once he gathered his thoughts a bit, he asked if you were done speaking your mind. You nodded a yes, and then it was his turn to take a deep breath and speak.

    “First off, last night was not anything to apologize for. You’ve been through hell and back. It makes sense that you would react how you did. I’m glad to hear that I was able to be helpful because I have to admit that I liked being with you. Hearing you say all of what you said was actually a sigh of relief for me. I want the best for you. And I told Banner this when you first got here and I took a liking to you. I knew you were different, but you are so much more. I also have another thing to admit. I have liked you for awhile now. I never said anything because I wanted you to be as comfortable as possible around here before even bringing that idea up. I agree that we shouldn’t do anything until you’re 100% okay with it.”

    You couldn’t really believe what you just heard. Bucky likes you too? And he’s willing to wait for you to be ready to make any sort of move?

    “I will probably tell Steve though. I trust him. If I tell him not to let anyone else know, he won’t let anything slip.”

    Before you could say anything about how you were most likely going to talk to Bruce as well, there was noise down the hallway. The elevator dinged and there was a cacophony of conversation coming to the kitchen. Seconds later, Steve, Tony, Vision, Wanda, and Natasha walked into the kitchen for some breakfast. Bucky stood up to go hug Steve and welcome the others back home, but you stayed in your seat.

    You froze. You were conflicted. Half of you wanted to go back to being quiet and cautious, while the other half wanted to just come out and be friends with them already. You just took another sip of your tea and tried to focus on your breathing and not shaking so much.

    Bucky saw that you hadn’t moved too much and got a bit worried. He got even more worried when he saw Nat walking towards you. He knew better than to make a scene out of it, so he just stood back and watched. Steve joined Bucky, already knowing that something had happened between his best friend and (Y/N).

    You felt a hand on your shoulder and turned to see Natasha sit in the seat next to you.

    “Hey (Y/N). Banner wanted me to tell you that he is up in the lab. He got some major chemical samples from this warehouse and needed to get them analyzing as soon as possible. But he also wants to see you and do a check up. So head up whenever you’re ready.” She got up to get your crutches that were leaning against the wall. You let her help you up and get adjusted in them. You felt as comfortable around her as you did with Steve. And that’s good enough for you to work with.

    When you were situated in your crutches, you decided to stop signing simple phrases. As she began to walk away, you tapped her arm causing her to turn around with a bit of worry in her eyes. Her worry was like an older sister’s protective gaze on a younger sibling. It was nice.

    “Is there something else you need, (Y/N)?” Her voice was very calm and sweet. Definitely got an older sister vibe from her.

    “No. I just…” You struggled for a second before breathing and trying again. “Thank you, Natasha.”

    You saw a smile grow on her face as she realized what you’d just done. You were accepting her. Little did you know, she had been waiting to get close to you. She couldn’t imagine what you’ve gone through, and she wanted to be a female support system for you. There are some things (okay, a lot of things) that men just don’t understand all of the time.

    Natasha put a hand on your arm. “You are very welcome, (Y/N). If you ever need help, I’m always here. I know how difficult it is to live with these guys. So if you need an escape or a girl’s night, I gotcha covered.”

    You smiled and said thank you once more before heading out of the kitchen, towards the lab to see Bruce. Now how were you going to tell him about these past few days with Bucky?

~~~~~~~~

    Natasha walked to the fridge and grabbed some fruit to cut up for breakfast. Bucky walked over with Steve not too far behind.

    “Where’d (Y/N) go?” He asked, a bit worried.

    “Banner wanted her in the lab for a check up.” She responded.

    Steve butted in now. “Couldn’t help but watch your interaction with her. Did she actually talk to you, Nat?”

    “Yeah, she did. She just said ‘Thank you.’ Nothing much more than that. But that’s a good sign right?” While she was answering Steve’s question, she looked at Bucky, assuming he would have the answer to her question.

    “Yes. That is a very good sign. We all still need to be cautious around her. She told me that she wants to get closer to everyone. I know we all want her to be part of the family, but we have to go at her pace.” Bucky knew that everyone already knew to be careful, but he just wanted to reinforce it.

    “Would inviting her to movie night be too much?” Steve asked. Every Friday was dinner and movie night in the tower. You had missed the last few because you were still working through a lot.

    Bucky had to think for a second on that. As long as he was there to help out if needed, she should be fine.

    “That sounds like a good idea actually.”

    Natasha goes back to cutting up fruit and begins talking to Wanda, who is making french toast. Bucky grabs Steve’s arm and pulls him to the side.

    “Hey, Stevie, can I talk to you for a sec?”

Part 6 - Here