#istg Sam if you have a heart attack or something by the end of this book I’d better see you throw hands with Death you can take him

[talesfromthebandgeekmafia]

Listening to Thud! while driving was a mistake, I had to fight back tears so I could see the road.

Sam Vimes will commandeer carriages and shut down major roads to get home to his baby boy on time. He approaches being there for his son with the same uncompromising severity and dedication he gives to The Law. Character of all time oh my god

[a--total--wreck]

Dramastuck 1: Press Start

We open with introducing the birthday boy.

>Enter name

Your name is Sam, and as previously revealed it is your birthday! Your sixteenth birthday to be exact. So far, you’ve spent it like every other day of your life; playing multiple videogames at a time for hours on end in your parents’ basement. Good thing you’re only a teenager; so, in context, your behavior is still somewhat socially acceptable.

You have been waiting all day for a very important package to arrive. One of tremendous personal value. One you have been anticipating the release of for months now.

And yes, it is a game.

But not just any game.

The new digital adventure: Sburb.

In the meantime, you decide to engage in another game already installed on your Swiive console: Super Cardio Bros. The smash hit gaming sensation starring two swol brothers on a mission to save the lovely Princess Protein Shake from the clutches of the evil Lord Lipid (ruler of the fast-food chains). You’re already on the final level of the last world: MacRonald’s, the kingdom of Lord Lipid.

You arrive at the heart of Lord Lipid’s restaurant, ready for a final battle so intense, you’re bound to give Lord Lipid a heart attack.

Out of nowhere, the game freezes up and makes a loud buzzing sound. Great, the Swiive overheated again. Perfect. Time to unplug and restart it.

You unplug the console.

Nothing happens.

The screen stays on and the buzzing is louder than before.

What the hell?

You begin to panic as you simultaneously try to think of a reason why this is happening and how to stop it. But before you can do anything the screen glitches.

You notice the power button on the Swiive glow bright pink.

The screen glitches for about ten seconds, the pixels rearranging and changing to form a new image.

A moving image.

Once the pixels sort themselves out, you cannot tear your eyes from the screen.

A beautiful girl, perhaps the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen in your entire life stares through the screen, looking extremely puzzled. The first things that stick out are her light gray skin, paired with long, black hair. Sprouting out from her head are what look like…horns? One is curved, while the other is straight. Her strong eyeliner and vibrant pink lipstick perfectly complement her face; not to mention the pink print on her otherwise black shirt. In fact, even the room she’s in is pink!

From her angle, it looks as if she’s holding the screen in her hand with her arm fully extended. She keeps moving it like she’s looking for something specific.

Her mouth is moving but no volume is heard from your end. Finally coming out of your stupor, you grab the console’s remote in an attempt to find any answers. You press the plus button.

A small blank box shows up on the bottom of the screen. You can see that it’s part of a program Pesterchum that you downloaded into the console a while ago to communicate with your online gamer buddies every now and again. You catch that the text on the screen matches up with her mouth. The text that shows up on the other end is the same pink on the girl’s lips and shirt.

royalCamerahog [RC] began pestering hardcoreGamer [HG]

RC: OMG!! Why wont this stupid thing work!?

RC: Like, WTF am I doing wrong!?

RC: If I have to pester B again when I just got off ISTG.

RC: I need this fixed ASAP!!

RC: Looks like Im gonna have to turn it off and restart again SMH.

Suddenly, the screen shuts off, and the light from the Swiive fades away.

You’re stunned into silence as you try to wrap your head around what in all the great suns of Orion just happened.

You’re interrupted by your mother shouting your name upstairs.

Your package has arrived.