#isn’t it funny how much I rely on my wife to do tasks for me that I should know how to do?
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questionably-audhd-oracle · 18 days ago
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Male comedians are so disappointing almost all of the time wow
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deadmomjokes · 5 years ago
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For me, part of being asexual means that I get really, REALLY grouchy about a lot of romance in media. Rather, the obsession with romance, sex, and sexuality in media. I am that person that will roll my eyes and turn off a movie if it looks like it’s turning into some steamy nonsense, and I will never willingly sit through a romcom even if you paid me. Sex scenes? I’m out. Passionate kissing? Peace, I’m going to the kitchen, want anything? Call me back when the actual story gets back on. Ridiculous ‘ooh they have such SEXUAL TENSION and chemistry, let’s see how close we can get to making them kiss and just have them breathe heavily in each others faces to get our audience all bothered’? I will end you all. I HATE when books or movies or shows throw in a romantic or sexy subplot just for the lols, at least what I perceive as the lols. Basically, a romance has to be really super duper well-crafted for me to get behind it and not be just utterly enraged or completely turned off from the story.
(Also please note that when I use the term romance in this context, I’m using it as a catch all for ship-based storylines that, due to our culture’s obsession with sex, usually include or hinge on sex or kissy scenes.)
That being said. When a romance is done well, and I mean really well, I absolutely 100% lose my mind. I feel that mess in my soul.
So with that introduction, allow me to lay out a few of my favorite (and, in some instances, most maddeningly painful) romances/canon ships in media.
(read more because I went off. like I said, I feel this way too deeply when it’s done well.)
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Winry Rockbell and Edward Elric in FMA:B. Slow burn, mutual pining, mutual cluelessness, what’s not to love? So soft and tender and funny all at the same time, and the mad respect Ed has for Winry is absolutely delightful. She does her own thing, and he’s totally supportive, just as she is of him. And a happily ever after??? UGH, I can’t, it’s perfect. The most straightforward and least convoluted of my whole list, and it’s comparatively easy to breeze through. FMA:B is great anyhow, so do yourself a favor and go watch it.
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Audrey Parker/ Nathan Wuornos in Haven (with major caveats). Caveats first: they went overboard with the sexy stuff in my opinion. It got too smutty for me, but my tolerance for that stuff is super low, and it did still air on TV, so evidently it wasn’t as bad for the target audience as it was for my sex-in-media-repulsed self. I also find the final seasons to get a bit stale and repetitive in terms of them trying to advance the love story narrative (all the plot points for it got addressed in earlier episodes/seasons, so why are we going over it again??). They also have a bit of an issue in some episodes with dragging out conflicts because the characters just won’t talk to each other like adults. But overall, taken as a whole, it hits hard. Again, we have a slow burn, mutual pining dynamic that starts as a genuine platonic friendship, and transforms into a dimension and time defying chosen soulmates love story for the ages. The things they would do to save each other, even if it means they can never be together, just so they have the joy of knowing that their beloved is okay. The tiny ways they take care of each other- Audrey testing Nathan’s coffee to see if it’s too hot, Nathan slowing down so he doesn’t out-pace her, it’s just adorable.
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Faramir and Eowyn in The Lord of the Rings BOOKS. This is an interesting one because it happens really quickly and between two minor characters. But Tolkien did this really interesting thing where he established these two characters separately, and then brought them together and played off what we knew about each of them in context of everything else that had happened with the main story, and suddenly it has, as one of my professors would say, “the illusion of depth.” Faramir absolutely falls head over heels for Eowyn but won’t act until she can deal with her own crap and be emotionally available. Eowyn realizes that she was hung up on ideals, illusions, and false dichotomies. Faramir has been through a lot and is looking for peace. Eowyn is looking for who she really is when she realizes she has more than two choices in life. They find healing together, and in the process, find what they were looking for in each other. And all that happens in the space of, like, 4 pages. I LOVE IT.
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Sam Carter and Jack O’Neill in Stargate SG1. This one will hurt you to no end. You will hate life. But gosh dang if they aren’t perfect. This is the slowest burn and most mutual pining of all slow burn mutual pining ships to ever grace media. I’m talking 8 seasons of these two sharing feelings but being unable to express it for one reason or another. What are those reasons, you ask? Jack is her superior and respects her too much to put her in that position. No fraternization on the team. Sam has career aspirations, he won’t ruin her life. He’s got his own issues to work through and knows he isn’t emotionally available. Sam is clueless for a while, then when she realizes she has feelings for him but it couldn’t be because of their work dynamic and because he’s still dealing with his own crap, she tries to move on but keeps coming back to the unspoken fact that she still loves him. To the point that she breaks off her own engagement to a great guy because she realizes she was only trying to move on-- and wasn’t successful. They are clearly in deep for each other, and yet they keep making excuses why they can’t say it.
In the whole series, they never officially get together, and I HATE THAT. There are multiple alternate realities and timelines where they are together, and happy, but in the main timeline, they can’t get over themselves, and it hurts so bad because they’re so perfect. Jack knows she’s the smartest person in the room, and he supports her and defends her and listens to and defers to her. He respects her first as an expert, then as a colleague, and then as a woman whom he deeply loves even though he can’t find it in him to love himself. She appreciates his experience and leadership, and trusts him implicitly. She knows she’s got more book smarts, but relies on his judgement and ability to remain calm under pressure. She also knows she can be real with him, and he knows that when she calls him on his BS he better listen. She is his conscience, and he is her backbone. And in between episodes where they’re clearly pining for each other, and even during, they’re really great friends and a great team. I could seriously write an essay on why this ship is both perfect and intensely frustrating, but then again, you could just watch a great and classic series and see what I mean for yourself. (Then you’d also get to meet the perfection that is Teal’c, and watch Daniel Jackson’s transition from Milo Thatch in Space to sassy beefcake demigod who still loves archaeology.)
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Beren and Luthien, Tolkien part 2, electric boogaloo. A love so powerful it transcends death, fate, hell and heaven all at once. It’s kind of wild and not what you’d expect if you’ve only read LotR (or only seen the movies), because it’s more a classic fairy tale than anything, but hot dang if it isn’t still one of the most powerful, moving, deeply impactful love stories in all of writing. It’s even a “love at first sight” narrative and I STILL fall hard for it. This story legit moves me to tears every dang time I read it, or even think about it too hard.
It starts as a simple “forbidden love” story, but these two loved each other so much that they defied one of the most powerful kings in all the world at that time (who was also Luthien’s dad, oopsies), defied Satan himself and marched into Hell just for the chance to be together, and then changed the very way the world works forever just so they could stay together and not be parted. Luthien is a total BEAST, while never giving up her gentle, loving, and tender nature. For the love of this man, she defies her father’s wishes and breaks herself out of her own dang tower to go rescue her prince instead of the other way round, she sends Sauron (yeah, he’s here too!) scurrying with his tail between his legs, wrecks his house, and frees all his slaves and prisoners just to try and get to Beren, drags his butt out of heck part 1, then willingly walks into literal, actual Hell with him and proceeds to enchant Satan and all the demons within. Then she gets her bf outta there after he loses his hand, and goes back to face her father unafraid. Basically, Beren undertakes a literally impossible task just for the chance to be with Luthien, but Luthien is the one that makes it happen because she loves him too much to sit around knowing he’s going to die. She’s willing to die with him rather than live without him, but more willing to dare death to come at her and get some because ain’t no way she’s losing him.
Then, at the last, when all should have been their happily ever after, everything goes wrong and she loses her beloved, and instead of mourning forever, she yeets off her mortal coil out of pure “Oh no you didn’t, not after all we went through” just to go stand before the God of Fate and the Dead and plead with him to change the rules of the universe itself just so that she can be with Beren. And he does it, because their love is so strong. Just for them, all of existence is rewritten so that they might never be parted.
And if you don’t think that’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard, consider also: these two crazy kids were so wonderful that the Goodest Boy in all the world, a functionally immortal and super-intelligent dog sent from heaven itself by a literal god, willingly turned on all his masters and spontaneously learned intelligent speech just so he could help them out and be their Good Boy til the bitter end, thus (in Tolkien’s mythos) starting the whole “man’s best friend” thing with dogs. So yeah. And, uh, Tolkien based it on him and his wife, to the point of ripping their first meeting frame-for-frame from real life. It’s too much y’all.
Anyhow, this post is way, way too long, but I was just feeling the need to get that out there. Maybe I’ll have more in the future, but for now, this is what was on my mind. Particularly the last two.
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pengychan · 6 years ago
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[Coco] Alebrijes
Title: Alebrijes Summary: Some people have an alebrije, some have more than one, and some get none. Much like life, death is not fair. [Oneshot] Characters: Ernesto de la Cruz, Imelda Rivera, Héctor Rivera, Miguel Rivera, Dante, Pepita, Chihuahualebrijes. Rating: G Status: Complete
A/N: This started out as an excuse to make Ernesto cry over dead dogs and somehow developed into this. I might have mentioned before that I have just about no control over my own writing.
***
Pepita had first showed up only a few weeks after Héctor had left.
Back then, Imelda hadn’t been worried. She wasn’t glad to see her husband go, of course, but she knew it was something he and Ernesto had wanted to do since they were children - and that, if successful, would benefit their little family a great deal.
“Only a few months at most,” he’d said, holding her hands. In the next room over, she could hear Coco giggling ceaselessly as her brothers played their old-and-tried trick of pretending to be each other. All was right in the world, and she’d believed him. Why wouldn’t she?
“Don’t let Ernesto get you in too much trouble,” she’d said in the end. Héctor had laughed, kissed her, promised her that they’d stay out of serious trouble, that he’d write every day.
The letters had come; not every day - it had to be hard to write and post out letters that often while constantly on the move, something that made it impossible for her to write back - but at least two or three times a week, both for her and Coco.
She was reading one of those letters, and blushing just slightly because Héctor was being very clear in how and how much she missed her at night - “Maybe it’s for the best that Ernesto snores away all night: if I could sleep well I would dream of you, and God knows what conditions I’d wake up in” - when a meowing sound had startled her.
Imelda had looked up to see a gray and white alley cat sitting at the window, looking at her with calm yellow eyes. She had seen her around before, wandering - the terror of mice, chickens, other cats, and even dogs. She remembered watching her chased that annoying mutt old Rafael kept across the plaza one day, and laughing heartily at the scene.
As far as she knew, the cat was entirely feral and never approached anyone before, and now there she was: sitting at her window, halfway in, a front paw raised in an awkward position. Imelda raised an eyebrow, and the cat meowed again, holding the paw a little higher - a white paw stained with dried blood, and something was lodged in-between the pads; a thorn, most likely, or a piece of iron.
Imelda could recognize a dignified request for help when she saw one, coming from a creature who disliked owing anything to anybody. She could relate to that.
“... I will see what I can do. Scratch me, and you’re on your own. Are we clear?”
They were, obviously, because Pepita - Imelda wouldn’t remember, later, when she’d come up with the name after a quick glance confirmed it was a female - didn’t so much hiss at her when she went to look at her paw, and barely flinched when the thorn was pulled out. She licked her paw briefly, and then nuzzled against her arm, purring loudly, before jumping out of the window and out of sight before Imelda could even stroke her head.
That could have been it, a funny story to tell on how the Terror Cat of Santa Cecilia had turned into a kitten for her, but the next day Pepita was lazing by the well in her yard, a dead mouse in her mouth. Not a pleasant sight, but dead mice were better than living ones; if Pepita was going to earn her keep by getting rid of them and the diseases they carried, then Imelda might consider leaving out some meat scraps for her from time to time. Maybe once or twice a week. Or maybe every day.
In the end, it is every day.
“Gata! Gata!”
Coco laughs, trotting after Pepita in the yard, and the cat lets her approach almost enough to touch her before darting off again, causing her to giggle and start running again. It makes her brothers pale, but Imelda is unbothered; she knows she won’t harm Coco, with complete and uncertain certainty, like she knows that Héctor will be back soon.
Any day now. Any day.
But another letter comes, then another, telling her that Ernesto decided to extend the tour, only a few more weeks.
Another week.
Two more weeks. Maybe three, but no more.
Soon, mi amor, I’ll be back soon.
Soon is too nebulous. Soon isn’t soon enough. Imelda grows angry, money runs thin, and she begins thinking of a way to provide for Coco until Héctor comes back. He will be back, and she will rage at him; he’ll be sorry he ever left and perhaps things between them will never be the same again.
Perhaps this is the end of their life as husband and wife; perhaps they will live in that house as strangers, but he will return, and be a father to Coco. She still cannot contemplate a scenario in which he does not. She cannot imagine her little girl growing up without him.
Any day now, she tells herself, as she stays up at night to learn how to make shoes, growing more and more frustrated with every failed attempt. Any day, she thinks as she keeps letting her child share her bed, telling her over and over that her papá will be home soon, reading to her all of the letters he keeps writing to her, loving words that cannot fill the gap.
Until a day comes when the letters stop coming.
Until a day comes when she knows Héctor is not, after all, coming back.
No post has come for weeks, Coco asks again where papá’s letter is - she no longer asks where he is, she asks for his letters, good God, mere months are years to a child, what were they thinking, why did she let him go? - and Imelda snaps, tears up their family picture, sends Coco off to her room in a flood of tears, and locks herself in her own.
She will regret that outburst for a very, very long time. But she’s only human, not yet twenty-three, with a fledgling business she can barely make work and a child to raise and her husband is never coming home.
She will never know how Pepita gained access to her bedroom, but suddenly she’s on the bed with her, the feral cat who’d sit at the window and refuse to get one step further into the house even when bribed with the juiciest of scraps. She rests down next to her, purring, nuzzling her chin, and Imelda’s silent tears turn into sobs that tear all air out of her lungs.
Pepita doesn’t scratch, doesn’t lash out, hardly even moves when grabbed. She stays still, lets Imelda weep in her fur and then, suddenly, she begins grooming her hair with a tongue like sandpaper. It makes Imelda laugh through the tears, and she pulls back.
“I can’t help but feel I’ve been adopted,” she says, her voice a bit hoarse, and reaches to scratch the cat’s head. She leans into her hand, purring up a storm. Imelda smiles again.
What is she even doing? Crying isn’t going to solve a thing. Coco gets to cry, yes - she is a child and her papá is never come back, all of his loving words weren’t worth the paper they were written on - but what excuse does she have?  Her daughter relies on her. Her brothers look up to her, and she cannot let them down to feel sorry for herself. And over what? Over some músico who decided his music, and playing it for the world, was more important than either of them - more important than watching his own flesh and blood grow up?
No. No, that will not do. He’s made his choice, and now she’s ready to make hers. No more useless waiting, no more crying over herself, no more music. She has a task ahead of her, a child to raise, a business to make work. If she has to do this on her own, so be it.
Imelda rises with the sun the next morning, apologizes to Coco for her outburst, and goes back to work.
At the door of the workshop, a pair of yellow eyes keep watching her every move.
***
The first one just jumps in his arms, literally, during a brief stay in Ciudad Juárez.
Ernesto isn’t yet well-known when it happens. Actually, he isn’t well-known at all. Five months after he’s-- seized his moment -- done what he had to do he’s still travelling Mexico, looking for his big break. It’s taking more time than he hoped, and he’s now nearing a year on the road. Sometimes he’s had to chase away the thought that his moment will never come despite all that he’s sacrificed-- all of it even him oh God was it for nothing how could it be for nothing -- to get to that point.
That wasn’t his worst night, but it was also far from the best; a small crowd and nothing more. If Héctor were here, he’d try to cheer him up and he’d succeed, eventually; he’d tell him tomorrow will bring them better luck. But now… now he can no longer do that.
He wouldn’t have either way. He was about to leave me behind.
That’s right, he thinks - he’d have lost him either way. He lost him before he even slipped poison in his drink, but now he has his songs, and he thought that was all he’d need. The world would embrace him, then, and be his family, one that would never turn its back to him.
Except that it isn’t happening. Except that the world isn’t so much glancing in his direction.
Ernesto forces himself to chase away the thought, sitting on a sidewalk and drinking the last of his beer before he heads back to his motel for the night. Is this all that he can get? Nothing more than what he had already, but friendless and with nights full of nightmares?
Thus far you shall come, but no farther; and here shall your proud waves stop.
Ernesto frowns, staring down at the bottle, wondering where that came from; must have been some leftover memory from an Sunday mass long ago. An odd thing to remember now, but once he’s finished his beer he’ll forget it again, and maybe his sleep will be dreamless. The thought of closing his eyes to find himself in the dark alleys of Mexico City, carrying--
“Yip! Yip!”
“Come back, you devil! This is the last time-- come back here, chucho maldito! I’ll cook you this time, I swear to God--”
There is shouting, and a crash and cursing coming from the next street over. Ernesto turns to look, blinking, to see something running out of it. For a moment, under the streetlights, he thinks it’s an especially large rat - but then the animal yaps and charges straight at him and he can tell, one moment before it jumps in his arms and knocks the bottle on the ground, that it’s a small dog; a chihuahua with tan fur, some gray starting to show on its muzzle.  
“Oye, I had yet to finish that,” Ernesto grumbles, but he’s already starting to grin and the battle is lost the moment the dog places two tiny paws on his chest and tries to lick his face, tail wagging. He’s always liked dogs, so he chuckles and scratches its head. “What are yo--”
“You! Is that devil your dog?”
“Huh?” Ernesto turns away from the stray to see a man standing a few feet from him, panting, his face bright red. He’s wearing an apron stained with grease, and he’s holding something that might be the sad remains of a chicken wing in his left hand. In the right one, slightly more worryingly, he’s holding a knife. Ernesto holds up his arms, alarmed.
“Wha-- no! I had never-- no, stay down-- seen this dog in my-- stop it!” he mutters, trying to get the chihuahua to stop trying to lick his face. “Never seen it in my life!” he snaps, and stands, forcing the dog to jump off his lap. It immediately stands on its hind legs to lean against his leg, looking up at him adoringly, tail wagging.
Looking back later on, Ernesto won’t be able to really blame the man for not believing him.
“Do you have any idea for how long it’s been bothering my clients?”
“Look, I only got here two days ag--”
“How much food it’s stolen from right under their noses?”
“That’s a shame, but this isn’t my do--”
“You will pay it all back, down to the last peso!” the man snarls, taking a threatening step forward. Ernesto looks at the guy, who’s short but broad, and at the knife in his hand. Within moments, he has a plan of action: he grabs the guitar case, grabs the dog, and runs.
Losing the man in the winding streets is a matter of only a minute; losing the dog, on the other hand, proves to be nearly impossible, because it keeps following him. Not that Ernesto tries especially hard: in the end, he sneaks him - a quick check confirms it’s male - in the motel. The small dog wanders around for a few moments, sniffing at his suitcase, before he tries to jump on the bed. He just falls back, too tiny to reach it, and Ernesto rolls his eyes before picking him up and putting him down on the mattress.
The dog immediately rolls on his back, tail wagging, looking up at him expectantly. “A devil, sure,” Ernesto chuckles, and reached to rub his belly. “Very well, Diablo,” he says. The name fits; he remembers old Rafael, back in Santa Cecilia, had a dog called that. It was supposed to keep him and Héctor away from his fruit grove, but Ernesto had befriended him quickly. “You get to stay for the night, but we part ways in the morning.”
They do not part ways in the morning; Ernesto sort of knew how that would turn out the instant he gave him a name. After a night of peaceful sleep, the tiny dog curled up on his chest, Ernesto boards a train to Chihuahua - the irony is not lost to him - with Diablo in one of the pockets of his coat. And then the train after that, and the one after that.
There are no more nightmares. He allows himself no more doubts. He travels Mexico, he plays and sings and begins to attract larger crowds. He meets people who count on the musical scene and, well, on a couple of occasions those meetings are not strictly the professional kind, but it matters not. He’s willing to do whatever it takes, no matter how distasteful, to play in important venues, where he can catch the eye of even bigger crowds and producers. And finally, finally, success comes.
When it does, Ernesto hires someone specifically to look after Diablo’s every need while he travels with him; he stuck with him when-- Héctor did not -- things were bad, he should be rewarded now that everything he’s done - everything he’s had to do, all of it - paid off.
It is a life of luxury for a little stray dog, but it’s short-lived: Diablo dies only a couple of years after Ernesto has known his first true taste of success. He should have seen it coming; Diablo wasn’t a young dog when he took him in, and over time he’s grown more lethargic, less likely to jump up and steal a bite. But Ernesto doesn’t want to see it, and so he doesn’t - until Diablo takes a nap in the backstage of a photoshoot, and never wakes up.
The photoshoot ends there, and his manager hurriedly cancels all of his performances for the following couple of weeks when it becomes clear that the bawling wreck refusing to let go of his dead dog is in no condition to talk coherently, let alone to sing. He’s not wrong: for several days, Ernesto refuses to come out of his hotel room at all. He refuses to see anyone.
He knows he’ll be able to read the same thought on every faces he sees - it was just a dog - but of course they have no idea. It isn’t just about a dog; it’s about being left behind. Again.
Ernesto gives Diablo’s ashes a place of honor in his new residence, and swears he will never have another dog again.
***
“What is this?”
“A pup. Clearly.”
“What is it doing--”
“She lives here now. It’s a girl. Congratulations.”
Ernesto stares down at the ball of white fur that’s peering up at him from the basket, tail wagging and tongue lolling. A long-haired chihuahua, small enough to sit in the palm of his hand. His hands twitch and he almost reaches down, then he scowls and crosses his arms.
“I don’t need a dog,” he says. Having one dying on him was enough. Never again.
“Nesto--”
“I don’t want a dog. Take her back.”
His manager rolls his eyes, and puts down the basket. The dog immediately stumbles out of it and jumps up at Ernesto, who steps back like he’s being attacked by a coyote.
“She’s purebred,” Armando is saying, like Ernesto hasn’t protested at all. “The paper her pedigree is written on weights more than she does and her kennel name is ridiculously long. The breeder just calls her Clara.”
Clara. It’s a cute name. He might just keep it-- no, wait. No. Not a chance. He’s not going to have another dog. Someone else will decide what to call her. “That’s nice,” he mutters, lifting a foot to keep the pup from chewing his shoe. “And why have you taken her here?”
“She’s here so you stop moping and get back on track,” Armando mutters, and frowns. “You’ve cancelled enough performances. You’re famous, but not quite famous enough yet that you can just drop off the face of Earth for weeks. You need to keep going as long as momentum is on your side. You can’t afford to stop - neither of us can - and you know it.”
He does, of course; there is nothing he can argue against that, and Armando knows it. Seeing he’s not retorting, his manager smiles a bit and picks up the pup to shove her in his arms. She immediately tries to climb up his shoulder, and attempts to push her nose into his ear, causing Ernesto to yelp.
“Oh, you’re friends already. I’ll leave you to bond. You’ll be in my office on Monday morning.”
“No, wait--”
“Her pedigree papers are on the table at the entrance. Have fun.”
“I don’t want her.”
“Then leave her in a pound or in the street. I won't take her back.”
“Wha-- I can’t--!”
“Monday, nine on the dot,”  his manager calls out over his shoulder, and pretends not to hear the insults Ernesto is throwing at him. The door closes behind him, and Ernesto snorts, holding the puppy at arm’s length. She looks back at him with black eyes, tail wagging.
“I’m not keeping you,” Ernesto informs her. “Give it a couple of days, and I’ll find someone to take you in,” he adds, and puts her on the sofa. Like Diablo years ago, she flops on her back to get a belly rub - but with more elegance, one paw extended, as the dainty little diva she is.
The couple of days turn into a week, then two weeks, then months and years. Five years, until something happens. Clarita is unable to keep her food down, and loses weight; there is blood in her urine, and she yelps in pain each time. Something wrong with her kidneys, and the only solution they can give him is putting her to sleep. It’s humane, they say.
Ernesto refuses, rants and raves and rages. He seeks more vets, demands that they fix his dog right now, he’ll pay them their weight in gold if he has to, but none of them can help. Soon enough she’s almost skeletal, her yelps turn into screams, and Ernesto caves in.
It shatters him and, again, he swears off ever getting another dog.
***
“Oye, oye, it’s all right. Nothing to be afraid of. I’m here to help, sí?”
The alebrije - it looks a lot like a coyote, but with a couple of extra tails and wings - barely turns to look at him, sitting in the same spot where it’s been for the past couple of days, where old Prospero faded away. It entirely ignores the food Héctor is holding out, and just rests its head on its front paws. Sighing, Héctor lets his gaze wander across Shantytown.
He doesn’t live there - yet, a tiny voice in the back of his head says, you don’t live here yet, but you cannot cross over and everyone says that’s the first step to being forgotten - but he’s befriended people who do, and he drops by from time to time to share a drink, or some good food. Sometimes, he returns to find fewer familiar faces than before.
When that happens there are friends left behind, and they drink together to the memory - their memory, not powerful enough to save anyone from fading - of the forgotten. They share stories about them no one in the Land of the Living can share anymore, and then they move on because it is the only thing that can be done, just deal with it and move forward.
But sometimes, the forgotten don’t only leave behind their few possessions. Sometimes, they leave behind an alebrije - a spirit guide with no one left to guide anywhere. And each time, Héctor tries to befriend them because they look so sad, so lonely, and so does he. Maybe they could grow to like him, and stick with him, and they would both feel less alone.
He could use a spirit guide. Better yet with wings, so that he can fly past those damn checks, across the bridge and to his family - to his little girl, who’s probably not so little anymore now. Yes, everything would be so much easier if he had a spirit guide like so many others do… but it seems that fate likes kicking him when he’s down, and no alebrije ever chose him.
There was one time when he thought one had, but it turned out to be a rogue - there are a few like that, wild and almost rabid-like, something no one has any explanation for - and that wasn’t much fun. Ever since, he’s been wary of those who approach him, and rightly so.
How alebrijes come to be and how they choose their charge is unclear, but there are many who swear that their alebrijes came to them in life, as beloved pets; they bonded in life, they argue, and so are bonded in death. Héctor sort of wishes he’d had a pet in life - he’d promised Coco a kitten, once - but he didn’t get enough time to have one and bond with it.
He didn’t get enough time to do… a lot of things.
“Come on, amigo. I know it hurts, but I can help. We can help each other,” Héctor tries again, and holds out the remains of his dinner. 
The alebrije shifts and stands, and Héctor has a moment to get his hopes up before the creature spreads its wings and, without even looking at him, just flies off into the night sky. Héctor doesn’t look up to watch it disappear: he just sighs, lets the scraps of food drop into the water, and lets out a long sigh.
No one really knows what happens to alebrijes once their chosen one fades, either. Some stick with remaining family members, but when no one else is left, they just… leave, and are never seen again. Héctor watches the fish - some alebrijes, some bones only - nibbling away at the food he’s dropped. 
Serves him right, really; the poor beast had just lost its chosen, did he really think a bit of food would be enough to bribe it? That it would let him replace Prospero just like that? Of course it never works: whatever their nature is, however they pick their chosen, alebrijes are loyal, and people cannot be replaced so easily.
Or maybe some can. Maybe I was replaced. Maybe that is why I cannot cross over.
It is a poisonous thought, and he refuses to mull over it. With a shake of his head, Héctor stands and walks away, telling himself that this year is the year he crosses that bridge. He can do it on his own; he doesn’t need a spirit guide to show him the way.
He knows exactly where he’s meant to go.
***
He meets Lobo while shooting a movie the following year.
A scene required a dog capable of doing a few simple tricks - lie down, give the paw, stand on its hind legs and jump at command - and a local guy shows up with a black chihuahua who fits the bill. His obedience, they find out quickly, vastly depends on what’s on offer: he will obey commands only as long as food is involved, as a reward.
Except when it’s Ernesto to give the order: with him, he’s eager to please for nothing more than a scratch behind the ears. He follows him across the set, and Ernesto knows he’s got to have him before they’re done shooting for the day. He approaches the owner, offers him money, and doubles the offer at his refusal.
The man walks out with more money than he probably ever got to handle all at once, and Ernesto has a new dog - a small bandit that quickly becomes the bane of every member of the cast and crew by trying to chase horses, peeing on any unattended costume, nipping everyone’s ankles, chewing up cables and tripping up a couple of cameramen.
If he doesn’t think Ernesto is paying enough attention to him, he’ll climb on the lap of the closest person and glance back at him to, he imagines, check if he’s jealous. He has free reign of the set and  it’s the funniest thing Ernesto recalls witnessing since… well, in a long time. He draws everyone up the wall, and a member of the crew tries to kick him away once, thinking no one is watching; he misses, and is kicked out himself the next minute.
Out of all of them, Lobo is the one who stays with him the longest: seven years. Then one day he wanders off the mansion, through a small gap in the gate, and there is a day of frantic search before he trots back in at dusk, belly full and a half-chewed chorizo in his mouth.
Ernesto is too relieved to see him return to wonder too hard where he may have been, where he’s been scavenging for food. Until that night when, suddenly, Lobo jumps off his bed, takes a few staggering steps towards the water bowl, and starts vomiting blood.
“He must have eaten rat poison,” the vet says, and through the stunned grief - Lobo passed in Ernesto’s arms before the vet could even get there, it was so sudden - something is stirring, something he’s buried so deep it sometimes feels like only a dream he had once. For a moment he’s back in Mexico city, when there was a thud on the ground, a staggering sense of finality and then a bitter sort of relief because the deed was done.
There is no relief now. This didn’t have to happen. This shouldn’t have happened.
Ernesto has Lobo cremated, just like the other two. He promises he’s the last dog he buries and, this time, he keeps his word: he is the last he buries - but not the last one he takes in.
***
Zita catches his eye from the window of a pet shop in Oaxaca; there is a small crowd walking by, but that silvery-gray pup seems to be staring right at him, and he’s unable to walk away. He gets in, pays her full price, gives an autograph and walks away with Zita sitting in his hand, gnawing happily at his fingers. He needs those fingers to play, but he doesn’t mind.
She’s not a food thief like Diablo, nor the diva Clara was or the rebel Lobo turned out to be. She’s just enthusiastic about everything and, if clearly not the smartest, by far the yappiest out of all of them. The bouncy pup grows into a bouncy adult, impossible not to love, always a hit with his guests.
Zita is the one who outlives him.
Once the chaos has subsided slightly, the bell has been removed and body recovered, someone finally remembers that Ernesto’s beloved dog was left in his hotel room, and goes to check on her - only to find an empty suite. The door is locked and so is the window, but there is no trace of the dog anywhere. She’s just… gone.
They assume she was stolen, even though there is no sign of anybody entering or leaving the room, and quickly forget about her.
***
It is on a Sunday that Imelda finds Pepita at her favorite spot in the yard, motionless.
From a distance, she’d thought she was sleeping. Imelda never known how old she may be, but even if she’d been very young when she’d first spotted her, now she must be ancient; twenty-one, at the very least. It’s a very old age for any cat to live to, and over the years she’s slowed and lost her teeth, although her presence still keeps mice and rats away.
Even if it weren’t, Imelda wouldn’t mind: she’s earned her keep all those years and she is, after all, her cat. So she puts some stewed meat in a small dish, tender enough for Pepita to eat without teeth, and heads out to give her lunch. She never eats a single bite, and the dish will be left on the ground for hours, attracting ants, until a sniffling Rosita will retrieve it.
Imelda doesn’t take too long to say goodbye; the motionless weight in her arms is not her cat anymore. She strokes Pepita’s fur a few times before she lets Coco - who is now a woman, married and expecting her first child - to do the same, and then wraps her in a clean cloth.
Julio is instructed to dig a hole in Pepita’s favorite spot, and he does so quickly, without a word of protest despite the heat of the day; Imelda is grateful for it. They bury her in silence, wrapped in linen and with fresh flowers - Coco’s idea, that - and that is it.
Not seeing her around is harder than Imelda had thought it would be; of course she’d known she would very likely outlive her cat. Yet she can’t seem to get used to the absence, to the sense that something important is missing; the first true loss since that musician left them. But she gets used to it; she reinvented her entire life once, and she can adjust to this, too. Pepita is gone, and that is a fact no amount of moping will change.
Yet she notices that, even months and years later, there’s no mice or rats to be seen anywhere near their home.
***
One very quick way to get on Ernesto de la Cruz’s nerves, his staff find out after his arrival in the Land of the Dead, is saying anything about his alebrijes that is not glowing praise.
It doesn’t matter if Diablo stole their sandwich, if Clara refused to get off their lap until they spent at least a hour rubbing her belly, if Lobo left teeth marks on their ankles or if Zita spent forty minutes barking at a stain on the wallpaper - no complaints are allowed. And some innocent remarks are off limits, too: there are tales of a secretary who was fired on the first day for daring to suggest the four alebrijes all look the same.
That is secretly what they all think - the slight differences in their coats’ patterns are not enough to tell them apart without careful inspection and deliberation - but somehow, el señor de la Cruz can tell them apart at a glance, so there’s got to be something. Maybe it’s one of those odd things about the bond between alebrijes and their chosen; no one knows how that really works, so they just shrug it off and make sure to always treat the alebrijes right.
Working for Ernesto de la Cruz is a honor and a privilege, and pampering his dogs is a small price to pay.
***
The first thing Imelda thinks when that creature lands in front of her with a roar is that, if it wants a piece of her, there will be hell to pay. She is not afraid, and how can she be? She cannot die again. Probably. Either way, she won’t go down easily.
Then her second thought, as she reaches for her boot, is that she knows those eyes.
Her hand stills, and she stares back at the huge creature for several moments, unmoving. She doesn’t move, either, but leans forward just barely when Imelda lifts a hand. There is a nudge against her palm, and those familiar yellow eyes blink slowly. Imelda  blinks back, and finally - for the first time since she’s awakened there - she smiles.
“Hola, Pepita,” she says. Her smile widens at the deep, familiar purr. “It’s been a while.”
***
“Aw, look! Dante!”
“Is it that street dog again? Abuelita says she doesn’t want him in the yard, and… is he okay? Is he having a seizure?”
“Nah, he’s fine! He just wants to play. He likes me!”
“He also likes trash.”
Miguel makes a face towards Rosa’s general direction, and she returns it by wrinkling her nose and squinting her eyes behind her glasses. Miguel sticks out his tongue. Rosa rolls her eyes back. Miguel gives a honk, and Rosa laughs first before conceding victory with a sigh.
“Fine. I’ll cover for you. Just don’t give me fleas if you catch them.”
Miguel almost points out that Dante has no hair for fleas to live in, but then he just shrugs and runs out. Dante greets him in a frenzy of wagging tail, flailing limbs and lolling tongue.
“Come on, Dante! Race you to the plaza!” Miguel cries out, zooming past him, and the dog immediately follows. It’s like he understands him, daft as he is, and Miguel sort of wonders if he used to belong to someone before. But according to everyone he’s talked to Dante just showed up in Santa Cecilia one day; Miguel doubts he’ll ever know anything more.
Not that it matters, anyway. No one else has ever claimed him and for some reason Dante seems to have chosen him, so that settles the matter. He’s his dog now.
And, within a week, he will turn out to be so much more than just that.
***
“Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“Of course. She’s also your alebrije now.”
“... Is she?”
“She looks after our entire family. She always did, even when we didn’t know it,” Imelda says, taking Héctor’s hand to press it against Pepita’s muzzle. “And you’re part of it now.”
“Oh,” Héctor says, and for a moment his gaze is very distant, like he’s lost in thought. Then Pepita purrs and he grins, scratching her muzzle and causing her to close her eyes in bliss. “I never had a spirit guide before. I think I can get used to this.”
“Can you get used to flying, too?”
Hécto’s grin widens. “A romantic flight?”
Imelda makes a point to roll her eyes, but her lips are curling upwards. “If you can hang on.”
“I’ll do my best,” he says.
As it turns out he can hang on - most of the time, anyway. When he loses his grip, Pepita dives down to catch him without Imelda needing to even ask.
Héctor clings to Imelda and, despite the obvious fright, he’s grinning.
“I think she likes me," he says, almost giddily, and lets out a grito when Pepita brings them further up with a powerful beat of her wings, above the tallest buildings, and towards the waning moon.
***
A long way below, in the emptied-out Shantytown - why keep living there with a nice mansion so recently left vacant? - Ernesto de la Cruz is sleeping on a dusty mattress inside the shack he’s hiding in, and empty bottle on the floor by him, a threadbare coat to serve as a blanket.
His sleep isn’t an easy one; he shivers, he scowls, mumbles and turns around, but not for long. His alebrijes are rarely more than a few steps away; fortunes may change, but that never will. They may be all he has left, but he can be certain they will stay until the very end.
They move onto the mattress and curl up against him, nudge and lick skeletal fingers, offering what comfort they can until their chosen turns on his side, reaches out to hold Clara to his chest, and curls up around her. He stops mumbling and stills, the scowl fading, finally unbothered by whatever plagues his nights.
Then, and only then, do they settle down to sleep as well... but always with one eye open.
They may not be the best spirit guides, never quite knew what they were supposed to guide him to, but they will figure it out. Until then, they will keep him safe. Their chosen always said they were good dogs.
It’s time to prove they’re good alebrijes, too.
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takadasaiko · 6 years ago
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Home from the War Chapter One: Not Normal
FFN II AO3 
Summary: When Tom makes a move to use Halcyon to dismantle St Regis all hell is bound to break loose. Keen2, Hargrave2, full Blacklist and Redemption cast. Sequel to Breathe Again Beneath the Flames.
Chapter One: Not Normal
The party was in full swing by the time he arrived. It was a private affair, meaning that there shouldn't be any cameras. At least not the kind where the photos would end up in the newspaper the following morning. After a fourteen hour trip across the world and back again with only a few hours packed full of meetings in between,Tom wasn't sure he could even rely on his training to fake his way through it. At least the crowd at Cooper's party wouldn't expect him to. Certainly not like the press would have wanted out of Christopher Hargrave.
"Tom Keen. Liz wasn't sure you would be back in time."
Tom turned, blinking to clear his contacts as best he could, and a real smile perked his lips. "Hey, Charlene." He made a small, surprised sound as Charlene Cooper pulled him into a surprise hug. Funny how far things had come since she had stared him down for beating Karakurt senseless in the garage with a stool. "I didn't want to miss your husband's big day."
Charlene released him, shaking her head and laughing to herself. "I'd like to think it'll slow down now."
He flashed her a grin. "Well, if running the FBI is anything like running Halcyon, no." Tom scanned the crowd. "Where is Cooper? I haven't had a chance to congratulate him since the official word came in."
"Over with some old friends of ours in the living room. I know Liz is here somewhere and Donald Ressler made it by."
"I guess this is as close to a promotion party as he'd get, huh?"
Charlene smiled, but it turned a little sad. "Tom, Harold told me about Conrad. We've known the man for years, but I-"
"You never really know people," Tom said with a shrug, hoping to brush off the impending conversation about Cooper's predecessor in the FBI who was still awaiting trial for his involvement in the Cabal. Much to Scottie and Howard's frustration, they didn't have a great deal of evidence against him to firmly link him to Tom's kidnapping. It bothered his parents more than him. Tom was going to be happy to close the door on one more childhood trauma and just be done with it. He didn't give a damn what the man rotted the rest of his years away for as long as the hole was deep and dark and far away from his own family.
A laugh pulled him out of his thoughts and he excused himself as he followed the familiar sound. It soothed his raw nerves even after the laughter faded back into the quiet rumble of the crowd.
And his nerves were wearing a little thin. The last six months had been a whirlwind of somewhat organized chaos. After the Halcyon board had decided to keep him on as the CEO he had immediately solidified the deal with Cooper to align the Grey Matters team and the Task Force. Cooper's name had been on the shortlist to replace Conrad Davis as the the Director of the FBI even then, but he had been eager to work it out. The leads Halcyon provided allowed the Task Force to stay in place and active. While they might not be thrilled with the close contact with Nez and Solomon - Tom could hardly blame them when it came to Solomon - it had worked well so far. Even better once their headquarters were officially transferred down to DC.
He spotted Liz in the crowd, a glass of champagne in her hand and she was chatting with Samar. Tom caught the former Mossad operative's gaze briefly, but she didn't give him away as he crept around his wife's back, his lips turned up just a little at the corners.
Liz must have sensed an approach. She turned over her left shoulder and Tom slipped around to her right, grinning by the time she spun on him. Liz's irritation melted immediately into a grin as she wrapped her arms around his neck, champagne glass and all. "That's the way you get yourself shot," she teased and his arms found their way around her waist. He lifted her off her feet in the hug, not caring if he ended up with champagne down his back for the effort.
"I've missed you," he murmured into her ear as he put her down and she stole a kiss.
"What happens to the board wanting you out of the field so that you could handle stuff here?"
"I think they're trying to distract me from the fact that most of them still haven't relocated down here to DC," he chuckled, glancing over to the woman that Liz had been chatting with. "How's it going Samar?"
"Busy."
Tom flashed a grin. "You killed Solomon yet?"
"Hoping we'll do you the favour?"
"You said it, not me."
Liz snorted and her arm snaked around the small of his back as she leaned in, steadier than he had expected her to be with the bubbling drink in her hand.
"Where were you this time?" Samar asked as she sipped at her own drink.
"Asia."
"Vague."
He shrugged, unwilling to say more. He could feel Liz's gaze turn on him, but he kept a steady smile in place. She didn't press him on it, but instead tightened her own hold. "You're in town for a while now, aren't you?"
"As far as I know. Why?"
"Samar and I were talking about all of us getting together outside of work. A bar or something easy."
"Something normal?" Tom asked with a small smile.
"Something like that."
"Agent Ressler is never going to go for it," Aram said as he approached, two glasses in his hand and he passed one over to Samar. "Hey, Tom. Agent Keen wasn't sure you'd make it."
"Barely did. If Ressler's worried about crossing personal and professional lines I think we vaulted over those years ago." He glanced at the drinks. "Where's everyone getting those?"
"Kitchen," Liz answered. "It's not that. He's dating someone."
"Ress?"
His wife nodded.
"Huh."
"Just because I don't share every inch of my life doesn't mean I don't date," Donald Ressler said as he approached.
Tom grinned. "Yeah, but secret's have a way of coming out with this group."
"If you're a secret spy that married an FBI agent, yeah," Ressler shot back. "This isn't a secret. This is privacy."
"We're not going to scare her off," Liz promised.
Ressler quirked an eyebrow and Tom chuckled, shaking his head. No point in pushing him on it. They all knew it'd just put him against the idea more. If Liz really wanted this to happen she would work him slowly until he agreed. She didn't accept no for an answer very often.
"Congrats, by the way." Tom waited until his wife's former partner looked over. "On the promotion."
He grunted something that Tom was just going to assume was a thanks, if it was or wasn't.
Liz leaned into him and he could hear the lateness of the hour creeping into her voice. "Agnes is going to be happy to have you home."
Tom turned, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "Give me a second to find Cooper and we'll go home to see her." He felt her nod and released her. It was good to be home and good to see things settling out for her team. The last years had been rough on everyone and he thought maybe they might have earned a bit of a breather after everything.
It had been an uphill battle for Liz to be cleared for active field duty again and she was still in the fight for it. Between her injuries two years before and the events that followed, the therapist that had been assigned to her had been very hesitant to send her fully back to work. She had proved herself physically capable, but the Bureau's expert hadn't thought she was mentally ready to go back. She had pushed her to talk about the time she had spent believing that her husband was dead, her time away from their daughter, fighting to make sure her family was safe, and how she had been willing to bend the rules to the point of breaking to do that.
And Liz had. In fits and starts she had brought herself to face all of those subjects. The one that she couldn't seem to speak about was Reddington. Every time she tried her throat dried up and an overwhelming feeling would take hold of her. This woman didn't have any right to know about him. She hadn't known him. She couldn't understand. She didn't deserve to hear Liz speak about him.
"It's because he's gone."
"Say what?"
Liz blinked, realizing she had spoken the words out loud. She had lost herself to thought as Tom drove them home after the celebration, and she turned to face him, her head still leaned back against the passenger seat. "I was just thinking about the therapy sessions that the Bureau has me sitting through to get back into the field. I've been able to talk about you, about Agnes, about all the changes…. except Reddington." Tom made a small sound of acknowledgement as DC passed them by. "You're here. Agnes is here. Reddington…. I can't get him back."
She saw Tom's lips twitch down a little at the statement and he loosed his grip on the steering wheel with one hand and reached for her. She took it and felt his fingers curl around her own, the support instant and she heard him sigh. "I'm sorry I've been gone so much."
"It's fine."
"It's not. The point of moving HQ down here was so that I'd be home. We've missed too much time."
Liz tightened her grip. "You're here now."
"Yeah, and the next step should be here. This last trip should be the last out of country run I make for a while."
She liked the sound of that. "So what's next?"
"Hmm?"
"For Halcyon. You sidestepped the question when Samar asked. You're usually not that secretive about where you're going."
"Because it's all over the news," her husband grumbled and turned onto their street.
She eyed him, a little suspicious now. "But this trip wasn't."
"No it wasn't."
"Tom," she warned as he pulled into their building's underground parking garage.
"It's...a lot," he admitted with a grimace. "I just wanted to make sure everything lined up before I brought it up." He killed the engine and stopped, blinking hard before he turned to her. "I was going to tell you before I went through with it."
"You still haven't said what it is," Liz sighed. She loved the man, but sometimes he tried her patience. That probably wasn't the best idea as tired as she was. And tipsy. She was pretty sure she was still tipsy.
"Let's get in, get Agnes to bed, and I'll give you the full, uninterrupted rundown. That alright?"
They sat there a moment in the car, both watching each other, and as much as Liz wanted to know what he had been up to right then, he had a point. Their daughter was probably doing her best to wait up for them and Candy had been over there for hours now. A little bit of time wasn't going to change anything. "Okay."
He flashed her a tired smile, took her hand, and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. "Love you."
Liz tried to hang onto some of her frustration towards him, but she felt it slip away at his touch. Damn him. He better be thankful she loved him.
Tom reached around for his bag and they locked the car behind them before moving to the elevator that would take them up to their floor. They had found the place a little over a month before and Liz had to admit that the security of the building left her feeling better when they left Agnes with Candy or any other sitter. They never could have afforded it on her federal salary, but if she had thought Tom's two month stint at Halcyon had paid nicely, owning the company meant they didn't have to worry about money again. They still hadn't managed to finish unpacking in full, but it had been the fresh start she had wanted. That she had needed. No one had died on their living room floor and she wanted to keep it that way. It didn't hurt that Scottie and Howard had brought a place relatively close. They were near enough that they could take Agnes for a day, but far enough that the Keens hadn't found them dropping by without warning. Not that they really could, since they had spent less time in their new home since they had purchased it than they had abroad.
"When are your parents getting back from Paris?" she asked as the elevator chimed their floor and opened the doors.
Tom shifted his bag. "Tuesday? No. This is…. Thursday, right?"
"Friday."
"Right. They're supposed to be back Wednesday next week I think. I'll ask."
Liz fished her key out and opened the door. They were hit almost instantly with the sound of a squealing four-year-old and Tom dropped his bag just in time to scoop her up into the air. "Hey, you. I think you got bigger."
Agnes giggled as he kissed her cheek. "I'm getting really big!"
"You are, kiddo. Too fast. You just have to slow down."
She wrapped her arms around his neck before turning to reach over to Liz and all but swung from one parent to the next. "You're getting too big for this," Liz laughed.
"Nu-uh!"
Candy rounded the corner, drying her hands off. "She told me she wasn't going to bed until you two made it home. I didn't think she'd make it to this hour."
"She's stubborn like her mom," Tom offered.
"Yeah? I'm not the only one she takes after."
Her husband flashed a grin and as Liz moved into the large apartment he walked Candy to the door, speaking quietly. Agnes was already showing signs and of it being well past her bedtime and all Liz could think of was that she was glad that she didn't have to get the little girl up with the sun for school the next day. They needed a good lazy day. "You ready for bed, sweetie?"
"I wanna sleep with you," Agnes said drowsily.
"And give up your own comfy bed with all your stuffed animals?" Tom asked as he rounded behind them. Agnes shook her head. There would be none of that.
"Did you brush your teeth?" Liz asked.
"Uh-huh."
"And take a bath?"
"Yeah."
"Is that what Miss Candy was cleaning up when we got here?"
Agnes giggled and tucked her head down against her mother's shoulder. Liz shook her head and kissed her dark hair. "C'mon."
"I wanna story."
"What kind of story?"
"I dunno. Something good."
"That's descriptive," Tom chuckled.
She squirmed suddenly. "Daddy! Daddy! Read me a story?"
Liz shot him a look. "Volunteer as tribute?"
"I have no idea what that means, but sure," Tom laughed and Liz set Agnes down. She took off to her room, ready and willing to climb into bed for a story.
A knock came at the front door, drawing both Keens' attention. Tom's expression darkened. "Were you expecting anyone?"
Liz touched his arm lightly. "It's fine. I got it."
He hesitated just a moment before nodding and following their daughter. Liz shook her head. This building wasn't nearly as easy to slip into as some of the others. Maybe it was something as simple as a neighbor asking to borrow some sugar. That was normal, right?
The face on the other side of the door caused Liz to freeze where she was, her voice caught in her throat. Gina Zanetakos didn't hesitate a moment though. "Where's Jacob?" she bit out and Liz found herself blinking in surprise. Okay. That wasn't normal.
TBC
Notes: It's always interesting starting in on a new story. There's a different beat and flow to each one. This one (at least at the start) seems to have shorter chapters and may be a bit lighter than the last. At least I feel like it's a bit more balanced between that need for home and family and a little bit of normalicy against the terrible things that drop down around everyone all the time in the show. That effort on Liz's part to find that balance was something I loved for a long time on the show.
So here we are, and Tom just can't quite stay out of trouble :P Also something I loved for a long time.
This will update every Friday for the time-being. That should give me a chance to work on my pilot project without feeling utterly and completely overwhelmed. I'm just about to the point where I'm going to take a step back from the pilot episode and start in on 1.02 for it. That's an exciting feeling.
Next Time: The Hargraves prove they're bad at retirement while the Keens find themselves with Tom's very angry ex girlfriend in their home.
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aion-rsa · 4 years ago
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The Ghosts Christmas Special Will Warm The Very Cockles Of Your Heart
https://ift.tt/39sUkKn
Kiell Smith-Bynoe isn’t much of a Christmas person. “I don’t like the whole build-up and I despise the idea of people putting up their Christmas trees on the 1st of November. I’m horribly against it!” he tells Den of Geek over the phone. “If that makes some people happy then fine, but no, I’m not really a Christmas guy at all.”
That didn’t stop him from feeling a touch of the Christmas spirit when filming the Ghosts special in February this year. “That actually felt very festive. It really had that Christmas feel. As well as the decorations, they added in some scents that made the set smell really Christmassy.” Even the most tinsel-averse can be turned by a cinnamon and gingerbread candle.
It won’t have just been about the fragrance. The Ghosts Christmas special, which follows the goings-on in a haunted manor house populated by a gang of comedy spectres from across the centuries, is evocative of Christmas in so many ways. The frenzied dinner preparations, the family bickering, everybody wanting to follow their own personal tradition… and the warmth of celebrating together. In a year where many of us won’t be able to bundle under the same roof, it’s a soothing reminder of what usually makes this time of year special.
Smith-Bynoe plays Mike, one of two living leads who, along with his wife Alison (Charlotte Ritchie) inherited the ghosts along with Button House. Only Alison is able to see and hear their housemates, while Mike has to rely on her explanations of who they are and what they’re doing. He also uses his imagination, which is what’s led him to wrongly believe the ghosts are all floating around in the air and not – as they are – walking on the ground. “That was something I added in when we started, I don’t know if Tom [Kingsley, director] actually found it funny or was more just resigned to it. Like, ‘Oh, he’s doing that thing, we’ll just let him’. They eventually started writing it in.”
Just how funny Smith-Bynoe was simply reacting to thin air was a pleasant surprise for the show’s creators, who moulded the role around him, particularly in a couple of Mike-centric stories in series two. Stand-out episode ‘Bump in the Night’ found Mike alone with the ghosts, trying to fend off a couple of burglars. It’s Smith-Bynoe’s favourite episode so far. “I’d had a lot of practice at ignoring the ghosts, but usually Alison was around to navigate that conversation to make it a bit easier for Mike. This time, she wasn’t there at all. I watched that episode just beaming all the way through because I was enjoying it so much, I really loved filming that.” 
One aspect he didn’t much love was the moment that Mike, in his attempt to scare away the burglars, dons a suit of armour. Of all the costumes Smith-Bynoe has worn in his career, that was the worst. “I’ve worn bulletproof vest, a fat suit. I’ve been a camel! Nothing was as heavy as that. It was really quite uncomfortable and cold, especially when Mike falls down on the floor and I just had to lay there in this metal thing wriggling around.”
Another Mike highlight from series two came in series two’s ‘Redding Weddy’, when, after reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Martha Howe-Douglas’s uptight Edwardian snob Lady Button found herself flustered by Mike’s masculine energy. Smith-Bynoe laughs remembering. “Me and Martha get on really well and that was so much fun to do. My Diet Coke ad that was changed into a generic cola ad for copyright purposes! The water in the fountain at the end was freezing cold – apparently for some reason it had to be – I still don’t get that.”
If Mike could see and hear the ghosts, Smith-Bynoe thinks he’d get on well with Pat, Jim Howick’s upbeat 1980s scoutmaster killed accidentally by a stray arrow on an archery away day. “They’re both chilled, laidback, pretty happy-go-lucky guys. Mary too [Katy Wix’s 17th century witch, burned at the stake], I think Mary’s quite low maintenance in a similar way to Mike.” One ghost he definitely wouldn’t get along with is Thomas (Mat Baynton), a 19th century Romantic poet who’s forever trying to steal his wife away from him. “Big time tension! I don’t even know if Mike knows that Thomas is in love with Alison…”
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TV
UK Christmas TV 2020: Your Guide to This Year’s Festive Specials
By Louisa Mellor
TV
Ghosts Series 2: ‘They’re stuck in an existence they didn’t ask for… like all of us’
By Louisa Mellor
It’s bound to come up in a future series. The series three scripts were pretty much finished in mid-November, he was told by co-creator Ben Willbond. “I think we’re starting in March or April next year, but I think most of the scripts are done.” In terms of his hopes for the new episodes, “I’m sure there are a few more backstories for the ghosts that we haven’t seen yet…” 
The Christmas Special delves into the personal life of Simon Farnaby’s 1990s Tory MP with a Scrooge-tinged storyline. Julian Fawcett is forced to re-evaluate what Christmas is really all about when Mike’s family comes to stay at Button House. 
“It’s a great new dynamic for Mike. His family treat him the same way they would have when he was at home, despite the fact that he’s now a grown-up who’s responsible for a massive house, with a wife of his own and his own other family in the ghosts. But he’s still treated like the baby, and he reverts back. Mike’s quite a go-with-the-flow guy, we’ve never seen him have a tantrum or a meltdown before now.” 
Mike’s meltdown is provoked by an overstuffed Christmas whiteboard agenda detailing a mammoth list of tasks. Does the actor take a similar approach? What would be on Kiell Smith-Bynoe’s Christmas whiteboard?
“There would be one thing and one thing only and it would be: eat. Usually, Christmas is me and my aunts and my mum and all my cousins – just me and all the girls – and we have a lovely time eating a massive dinner. We sit on the kids’ table, even though we’re all 31 years old. There’s probably about five meats. We get macaroni cheese in there, we’ve got parsnips going, pigs in blankets, sweet potato. It’s getting me hungry thinking about it!”
After all the eating, there might be a bit of film-watching. “Last year we ended up watching a terrible film. It was with Danny Glover, it was on Netflix and it was basically Home Alone but set in a school. [Ed – Christmas Break-In.] It was very very bad. The year before that we watched Bird Box, which was great. 
“Do you know what I used to love? Robbie the Reindeer. Get that back on the TV! That was a fantastic bit of television. We’ll watch EastEnders too even though I haven’t watched it all year and I don’t have a clue who any of the people are.” 
Whatever happens in this year’s EastEnders Christmas misery-special, there’s bound to be at least call to 999. Smith-Bynoe’s next roles include a paramedic in upcoming Sky comedy Bloods and a police officer in another comedy. “I’ve completed two of three of the emergency services, I just need a job on London’s Burning and I’ll be done, then I can retire!”
Before he does that, he has a self-written comedy in development, and the third series of acclaimed Channel 4 comedy Stath Lets Flats, which is pencilled in to film in summer 2021.  Smith-Bynoe plays reluctant estate agent Dean, the grumpiest member of Michael and Eagle Lettings. “Where we finished series two, our boss has just died! Oops, spoiler! So I don’t know what’s next for Michael and Eagle. Looking at the chain of command, I’d say that Carol [Katy Wix] would be in charge but of course, she’s pregnant now. The nightmare for Dean would be if he had to become the manager…” 
He’s keen to see the American remake of Ghosts, which is in development starring iZombie’s Rose McIver and Pitch Perfect’s Utkarsh Ambudkar as the US equivalents of Alison and Mike. “I hope it’s good as ours,” he says, “but not better. What I’d really love though, is for our one to be a big success over there and everyone just to love” he laughs “…me!”
cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });
The Ghosts Christmas Special airs on Wednesday the 23rd of December on BBC One at 8.30pm.
The post The Ghosts Christmas Special Will Warm The Very Cockles Of Your Heart appeared first on Den of Geek.
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codyboolman · 4 years ago
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50 Ways To Save Marriage Jaw-Dropping Useful Tips
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How To Write A Letter To Your Husband To Save Your Marriage
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How To Stop Your Husband From Divorce
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elane-in-the-shadows · 7 years ago
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Red Queen Fan Fiction: Spark of Life
100 Followers Appreciation - Thank You So Much
Here’s your Mare x Cal baby fic
Find this on wattpad
Mare POV
Clara giggles everytime I complain about my baby bump. It earns her glances from her mother, but we're all in the same play, on this evening when Cal and I are invited to dine with them.
The Farleys are happy for us and the light-hearted mood and silly jokes are what I need. It's seven months and despite the baby's spirited movements, I still find it hard to believe this is actually happening. It took us long enough.
Clara sighs, circling her fork in the air. "Finally, I get a cousin and I won't get a friend but someone to babysit."
"Time for you to return the favor," says Cal, beaming with the same contentedness he's shown since we found out about our child.
"But ..."
"Clara," Farley interrupts her, "you already have cousins and a load of friends. No need to complain." Her amused expression softens her words and Clara knows it, smiling back at her.
"I know, Mama. I only realized what's waiting for me." She turns to me. "I'm so excited. It's - " she shrugs and I notice again how pretty she's becoming. And how tall. She's eleven years old and has almost the same height as I which must be a funny sight right now, as I get more and more pregnant each day.
"We're excited too," I say, blushing and taking Cal's hand. He raises and kisses it.
"As all new parents are," he mutters. Of course, that isn't everything. Mixed children are still a rarity, close to a mystery, or a miracle.
"And I've no idea how we'll manage," Cal adds.
Farley murmurs something that sounds suspiciously like, "when does he ever," then clears her throat. "I'd offer you advice, but I've raised Clara only by trying, guessing and worrying either."
Clara startles. "Mama ..."
I shake my head. "I've never expected you to admit not knowing everything, Diana."
She shrugs. "Friends are honest with each other."
I cuddle against Cal on the way home on this summer night. "Would you trust Clara as a babysitter?" I ask him.
"Yes. She's fooling around with you but she's a responsible girl, just like her mother."
"Right," I answer and my thoughts wander. Farley and Clara are very close, thus they resemble each other a lot. Yet none of my family can help seeing Shade in her and wonder what could've been. I shake my head and focus on myself again. "Cal. I'm glad we decided on this. As I'm happy about what it means."
He gives me a wide-eyed look.
"I mean - having a baby because we want to, not to have an heir for a cursed throne. To raise it without a fate to bear."
"But we can't forget what we were born as," he replies after a moment. "We still have to work hard to maintain what we achieved. This equality and freedom."
I look up to the sky and grin. "But now we do this by living, Cal, not by fighting. That's all the difference I wish for our child."
It wasn't easy to get here. I brought up the topic one morning enwrapped in his arms, at a time when we were still figuring out whether our love would last. "I never stopped taking the contraception pills," I mentioned, and Cal cleared his throat.
"Of course you didn't," he said, then trailed off. "Sorry I've never thought about that myself," he continued. " It's not - well, I don't even know if we can have children." I raised my eyebrows.
"Not even Julian is sure," he added. I don't reply.
Smiling, he turned to look into my eyes. "I like children, Mare, but it's a relief. Not to be forced into a marriage, urged to have royal heirs as soon as possible, to care more about bloodlines than - about what I want for myself, and what I and my wife are ready for."
I kissed his brow, brushing his chest with my hands. "Maybe we'll have children one day," I whispered. Inside, I was glad about his confession, and about what he didn't say. That he had never been able to do what he wanted until all he could on rely on was the throne of his claimed birthright. He was getting over it, unlearning his royal beliefs, and I would help him find out who he truly was.
We decided to have a child after we married, once we saw it was possible. My brother Tramy's Silver girlfriend, Lacey, gave birth to their living child and smugly, she beamed at everyone like a person who's worked a miracle. Maybe I was jealous. I love Clara, but she's never made me wish for my own child, and I suppose it was that I didn't want to compare myself to Farley or hope for pipe dreams before Alexander Barrow was born. Cal and I were happy, our power plant flourished and our work was a small but significant service to uplift the living standards of many Nortans. It had been enough, until suddenly, it wasn't anymore.
We needed two years to conceive the child we're expecting now. I told Cal and myself that patience was called for, as it had been the same for Tramy and Lacey. Even after I miscarried two times and we had to remind each other not to give up. Mom comforted me, aware that miscarriages weren't rare and could happen to anyone, as painful as they were. Yet we no longer dared to hope as we kept on trying and living our life. Until I was pregnant again and kept on - being pregnant.
So I   wonder in amazement of how this little person is thriving inside of me, of its tiny heart growing strong. Cal calls the baby Sparks, or says, "it's giving off sparks again", when we feel for it kicking and shifting and in those moments, I'm not annoyed by his puns. Most of the time.
"It's getting bigger than you," he jokes one day and I can barely restrain myself from batting him. "And it makes you as moody as a thunderstorm," he adds, boldly, and I can't decide between kissing and yelling at him so I do both. Making love is different now, relieved of the task it has turned into before this pregnancy. It's more like in our early days, when we had sex to remember there was more to us than our wounds, when it was a distraction from the war. Of course it's not all the same, as we're different persons now, but in a way, we're still awaiting a strange new challenge.
We still have no idea whether it will be a Red, Silver, or Newblood by the day I go into labor.
"Tramy's boy is a Silver," I hiss between pants. Cal rubs my back but I prefer to keep on walking despite the pain.
"His mother is Silver too, maybe that's why?" he answers but I realize he's too nervous to argue and after all, we'll know in short time. I hope. The next contraction hits me so hard that I stumble against the table with a groan and crackling sparks emerge from my hands.
Cal rushes over and strokes my back again. "Be careful, Mare," says he, "you've avoided frying the baby so far."
Luckily, the contractions don't come so close yet, or I would rue the cackling escaping my throat. I grab his arms. "I might not be in total control of my sparks today, Cal. Good that you've removed your bracelets, or I'd be afraid one of us might become nervous enough to set the house on fire."
"That would undermine our elaborate preparations," he replies, and we laugh heartily until my waters break with the next contraction, urging us to drive to the hospital.
Only my mom's arrival stops me from cursing at Cal in the most creative ways during six hours of labor. "I'm with you," is his constant and patient reply, and everytime he says it, it helps for  a moment. Then Mom clicks her tongue upon entering.
"You're still like little kids yourself , you know that?" she says and I can't believe the relief I feel when she sits down and takes my hand. She smiles. "Someone has to keep you from heating up the room and blowing it up." Mom is a wonderful distraction until a new birth pang erases any peace I felt, but she holds on. I'm not afraid with her, Cal, and Sara by my side. I'm sure everything will be alright, and that all the pain was worth it.
The first cry of our son is more than a reward, it's a bliss I haven't anticipated. He's tiny and gorgeous and red and louder than both Cal's and my sobs. He feels warm and soft and I can't imagine letting go of him, ever. "Truly a spark of life," I murmur when his brown eyes gleam from autumn sunlight falling into the room.
Mom hugs me and pats my sweaty head. "You did wonderful, all of you," she says. But little Gabriel needs clothes, or he'll get cold," she reminds us, using the name we decided on earlier. It's good choice. I let go of him with a little hesitation and Cal leans against me.
"Colours, we really did it."
"I did most of the work," I retort, "you'll have to make up for it. Starting today, because I'll have a night of rest." I'm giggling.
"Hmm," he purrs, embracing me tighter and I brush his soft hair wondering whether Gabriel will have the same.
"I love you too, you dork," I say with a sigh. "And from now on, we'll have to take care our son doesn't set the house on fire."
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mahalshairyballs · 7 years ago
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Justice League Review
I have a lot to say about that movie. And I haven’t done a long review on a movie in a long time. So I guess it means something that I want to do that for Justice League?
but first: come on rottentomatoes it deserved more than 40% 
Many compared it to Age of Ultron, while that comparison is interesting, I feel like when Age of Ultron is good it is better than JL but when it is bad, it is way worse than JL, while Justice League is a pretty innoffensive movie. There’s no canon destruction here compared to BvS or AoU. 
 “A fun but unimpactful movie”. I think this describes it well. I liked most of it and I would go see it again. 
Now for the details (and spoilers) under the cut
And my inevitable comparison of what people said and what I saw: 
General
People said that the movie was jumping a lot from scene to scene, I saw that but it didn’t bug me. It wasn’t as jarring to me as it felt to many other people. I also didn’t see that “change in tone”, the movie felt pretty constant in tones to me. I also like the more “light hearted” feel of the movie, there’s not that many jokes in it (but I guess compared to BvS it’s a big difference) and most of them work well. Some things were cheesy and over-the-top, some things were “bad” but in a good way. I think it’s Andre from Black Nerd Comedy who said that it felt like a live-action cartoon of Justice League, and I could see that. It really had that feel, which is hard to describe, but it was a positive thing.  
Also I’m rarely one to complain about CGI, but maaaan some CGI in this was reaaaally showing. The worst part for me was when Steppenwolf fought the amazones, and at some point when Arthur Cury was jumping in the water it seemed like he was in front of a green screen? I have no idea why, it’s just a guy in the water, why do you need a green screen for that?
Many people liked the battle between the amazones and Steppenwolf but I didn’t really like it. My favorite was the one in the tunnels, mostly because there was a lot of character interaction and some form of character development. And it’s true that the “boss battle” at the end was done in like 10 minutes. 
The movie does feel like there’s no high stake here, who cares about steppenwolf? Even if they say it’s a big threat you’re like wtv. But that didn’t bother me much. 
People said there was a lot of plot holes, well they were not big enough to bother me. People said that it was rushed, yeah I can get that, especially with the backstories of the new characters, but it could have been way worse. The movie was mostly straightforward and easy to follow. I had no problems understanding what was going on even if I never saw BvS or Suicide Squad (But I did watch a lot of reviews and analysis of those movies, and I know the big lines of the DC comics lore) 
The characters: 
I liked Batman, I quite like Ben Affleck’s take, especially the lighter version seen here in Justice League. I feel it’s more like the comics than the other ones. And I liked that they made him do some martial art fighting, I feel like we don’t see that enough in the Batman movies. He’s supposed to be so good at it they should show it more. But then his costume is so bulky, it does very much look like some of the comics stories. He says a few funny lines in the movie, I wouldn’t say they’re “jokes” but at least he’s not GrumpyMcGrumpalot Batman in this. 
I liked that Alfred had stuff to do in the movie, even if it was more just practical than emotional. He kind of reminded me of JARVIS.
It was also kind of funny that Batman tried to delegate to everyone else the task of talking to the other three ‘recruits’ (Wonder Woman and Alfred “I thought you were supposed to talk to him.”) 
Wonder Woman is difficult to pinpoint in this movie. She seems more or less the same as in her solo movie. I saw an excerpt of a review on tumblr that said “oh Joss Whedon made wonder woman a nagging wife trope again!”. For one, who said it was Joss Whedon who wrote those scenes and not Snyder? When I was watching the movie I thought “where is she supposed to be the nagging wife exactly?” I never got the sense that she was that at all. It’s not because she disagreed with Bruce that one time that she’s automatically a “nagging wife”. Women can disagree with men you know? And Batman never seemed annoyed by her, and he apologized later, and the other ones were all on Wonder Woman’s side... so really I have no idea where she got that idea...it’s reaaaly stretching it.  I saw that scene where they disagreed more like a “Tony and Steve” kind of moment, and it was way less tense in JL than Avengers. I saw Batman and Wonder Woman as the coleaders of the team, or at least trying to be. Also if you want to talk sexist tropes, instead of the nagging wife, I felt like the nurturing mother was more present to me. I don’t know if it’s good or bad but she seemed to be the one who cared about everybody and believed in them and was sweet to them.
But there are some things that bugged me. Like the fact that they kept mentionning Steve Trevor. Like I GET IT, SHE LOVED HIM. But like it’s been 100 YEARS AND SHE’S STILL NOT OVER IT? Steve wasn’t over Peggy because he got FROZEN IN TIME so to him it’s been a fraction of a second later, but Diana had to live in “Man’s world” for a hundred years now. I know they wanted to link it to the Wonder Woman movie but it felt so forced and I didn’t get any emotion from it. It is a way for them to explain why she didn’t do anything for a hundred years. When Batman said “why aren’t you a beacon of hope like Superman if you’ve been here longer” me: ‘hum I don’t know, the patriarchy? The fact that the producers decided she wasn’t?” I though that the idea that Diana had lost hope and abandonned men had been retconned with Wonder Woman.  They went back to retcon the retcon from what I’m understanding? Ugh I hated this.
The choices of aestetic 
First, the ass shots thing people complained about. It’s not there all that much. I think it’s there once when she’s in normal clothes and maybe two times in her Wonder Woman costume? That’s not what bothered me the most. What bothered me the most was how often she had very big cleavage shirts, even when she was only going to talk to Victor, why did she need a shirt like that? Also “sexy women in movies must wear heels” it’s funny because the first time she came to see Batman she had those big heels, and then the next scene where they walked in a park or something she had black running shoes? So she decided to change shoes in between? 
The Amazones
So the “bikini armor” of the Amazones’ past that did the rounds on tumblr didn’t bother me that much. During the flashback you barely see that they have leather bikinis, and some don’t. What bothered me though is during the present day some of the amazones had metal crop tops and all their stomach were showing. Did we have that in the Wonder Woman movie? I’m pretty sure we didn’t. 
Her relationship with Bruce
I liked it, except for the moments where he kept mentionning Steve Trevor. But oh my god the StraightsTM with their “oooooh there’s sexual tension between Wonder Woman and Batman, will this be a future ship in the movies” like? no? there? isn’t? any? For real, I didn’t read any ~sexual tension~ in their interaction. When she got to help him in a secluded room after he got pretty hurt I feared for the worst, I was like “oh no, this is it, this is the time they will flirt and people will call it  ~sexual tension~ “ but actually it wasn’t? I was relieved, they only talked heart to heart. Also the “I should stop reacting and start acting” thing. I understand where they were coming from and what they wanted to do here. I didn’t see it as necessarily sexist but more a reference to that damn “oh Wonder Woman has lost faith in humans and is hidding now for a hundred years”. I know they wanted that moment to be where she assumed her role as the leader of the team, but yeah it felt more like a reminder of a previous bad character choice for her that they still wanted to be A THINGtm in the movie. 
Also, can we all agree that Wonder Woman is also super fast? They kind of forgot that after her first scene. 
The new characters & the team
The movie tried to give a story/backstory to these characters as much as they could with the short amount of time they had. I applaud their effort, it didn’t work super well, but they tried, and each of the tree had their ‘alone moments’ and some good moments together. It didn’t work so well because you mostly felt thrown into their story without knowing much of anything about these characters. It’s true that the movie does rely on the fact that you should already be familiar with those characters via other media. 
Something I liked is that they all didn’t want to be part of the team at first (Flash said yes but hesitated later), for different reasons, and came back on their own for different reasons too. But can we talk about how everyone in this movie seem to show up exactly at the right time, excactly when they’re needed? Sometimes you’re like “How did you know to come here?”. 
I also liked the team dynamic as a whole, I liked that there wasn’t any forced tension, they mostly got along well but they still had their disagreement. I’m a bit tired of the trope “people who hate each other must fight a common baddie that will unite them and they will bond through fighting together and then form a team of mistfits!” it’s been done over and over, Marvel is a particular expert at this one. I liked that they didn’t have to fight each other to become a team, it’s refreshing. 
Victor (Cyborg) 
I really liked him, he was endearing.  I liked the actor. I just liked the way he was in general, he was the rational one who knew a lot about stuff. He was the straight man to Barry’s quirky/excited character. He had some tension going on with Aquaman, and developped a bond with Wonder Woman (I liked their scenes). 
During his first scenes, we saw him having to deal with being now a cyborg. They touched subjects that were deep and had a great potential for drama but I thought “That has such potential for a deep story, but I’m sure they’ll ruin it”. They didn’t ruin it, they just never really adressed it again? 
Toward the end of the movie I was like “I like him, but I don’t know how they’ll be able to make a solo film with him”. I still want that solo film though. 
Also Honest Trailer will probably nickname him “MrExpositionGuy” probably.
He did look CGI A LOT, I mean of course he would, all his body is a robot! but it was jarring at the beginning how much he looked computerised. And the way he learned his powers, I don’t know if it was good or not but he did learn to use them fast. 
Barry Allen (Flash)
I really liked him!? Yeah he was the comic relief but maaaan he was cute, and relatable. I often felt he was all of us, a tumblr poster child, super awkward, some social issues and endearing. I do very much like the actor too so it helps. So many of the things he said were tumblr quotes material. I hope people will at least gif him.  
I liked how they threw in there a small character development story for him. I liked how he was the average guy who suddenly got supperpowers, he wasn’t suddenly all courageous and had to learn to be. He was a bit the spider-man of the story, the young tech guy who’s also a fanboy and doesn’t know how to Hero yet. 
Also, after credit scene with superman: gold.
Arthur Curry (Aquaman) 
Most people said it was Cyborg that made the least of an impression on them (if they mention him at all...) but to me, my least favorite one was not Cyborg...it was Aquaman. Which surprised me a lot. I LOVED Aquaman’s new design, and Jason Momoa to play him. But I don’t know, his character never struck anything in me. He was cool, I guess I liked him, but less than the others.
I did like the ‘sit on the lasso of truth’ scene haha. Clever way to have Emotional Exposition moment. 
I do want to see a solo film of him though. I think he is one of the characters who should have had a solo film before the Justice League movie, because there is so much lore to his world. They tried to crame as much lore and backstory on him in one scene, it was weird. I mean, good try, but it didn’t work very well. I wasn’t lost during that scene, but it’s definitely one of those “yeah you need to read the comics to know more” moments. 
Superman
I liked him. I liked that he went back to mostly be the Superman of the comics and the early movies. People said that it was the best superman portrayal they’ve seen in the DCEU, I agree, but  I also think it got a bit overhyped. 
The moment when Barry saw that superman was as fast as him though, priceless. 
We did have some good BatSups moments.
Also the CGI lips? Guys it wasn’t that noticeable. I kept looking at his lips and didn’t seen any problems with it. 
Steppenwolf: yeah there’s really nothing to say about him, like who cares? 
The most important now: the ships. Hey I came back with ships! I feel like a movie did its job if they made me ship characters, so good on you Justice League! During the boss battle at the end the only thing I was thinking about was “ok so I ship him with him and her....and then him with....” 
So ships: I’d say Diana x Victor or Victor x Barry (or Diana x Victor x Barry? Ot3 ? maybe?). But then I was like Victor x Barry so Diana......Bruce? ah nah....*Superman arrives, awkward but cute scene with Batman* ah! Batman x Superman! All is as it should be, and all is well in the world. 
So Diana x Victor x Barry
Superman x Batman
and Aquaman......? (and that’s where I realized he was my least favorite, I had no ship with him. But I could maybe see Aquaman x Victor, idk? Aquaman x Batman?) 
To sum up 
The movie was enjoyable, but there was something that felt...off. I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly. I theorized it was because we didn’t know most of the characters yet, or that the story was no that engaging. I’m still wondering what it is, maybe it was the filming choices? Even if there was more colors, it was still a pretty grey movie (and red..). 
So you know I’d give it a good 65%-70%  I think. 
And the After credit: Hey Deathstroke, will you come in time to watch Deadpool 2? (So we won’t have Darkseid just yet?)
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luxe-lush · 8 years ago
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I normally am not one to talk about my love life on social media. I hardly ever share the memes, the quotes, the wishes. I try not to make posts about how I feel emotionally, but for some reason I have felt led to write about something that I usually stray from. If you know me, you know that I am terminally single (insert laughter here). While that may not be true, the fact is that I have not dated in a long time. My friends make jokes about it, even my Pastor pokes fun at my singleness. I join in on the laughter, I make jokes myself, but if we're all honest, we know that when you are single you have a desire to find The One.
Now, we all know what we want The One to be: dreamy, tall, talented, funny, strong, smart, and most importantly they love the Lord. I have watched and learned that we become so obsessed with finding the idealistic The One. We watch other people and scream #relationshipgoals when we see that cute post or that perfect photo. We have to realize something important though, and that is this: When you look through a #relationshipgoals lense, you create an unrealistic expectation of what love is. Now, I'm not pretending to be the innocent party in this. Trust me, I've made my fair share of #relationshipgoals comments, but we have to start forgetting about the perfect photo and remember that hard work and effort goes into a relationship.
I mean, take Jacob for example. In Genesis 29:20 it says,
So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.
Think about that for a second. Jacob served SEVEN YEARS. Can you imagine that? Falling in love with someone, but then being told you'll have to work for seven years before you can marry her? Some of us can't even handle waiting a week to start dating someone, give or take marry them. You have to see that Jacob saw what God intended for him, knew she was heaven sent and served those seven years because Rachel was worth it to him. We think Nicholas Sparks is romantic, but I look at this story and can almost see Jacob working all those seven years just to be with Rachel. He even said himself that those years only seemed like a few days because of how much he loved her. Finding The One takes hard work, sometimes even seven years worth, but in the end it's obvious that it was meant to be.
If you continue reading in Genesis 29, Jacob goes to retrieve Rachel. I mean, he is ready! He has worked seven years, he has spent all that time just imagining their life together, preparing himself to be her husband, and then on the night of wedding, Rachel's sister Leah is brought to him. He wakes up in the morning and realizes that he's just spent the night with a woman whom he was not promised. Can you imagine how he must've felt? He confronts Rachel's father and says, "Why did you decieve me? I worked for Rachel?"
Before we keep digging through this scripture, think about this for a second: Jacob could have woken up, seen Leah, and settled with her merely for the sake of having a wife. I cannot tell you how many times I have just settled for a guy! God has given us a picture of The One. He has placed those desires in our hearts and just like how Jacob had to work for Rachel, we have to work for The One. However sometimes, a Leah comes into the picture. Someone who isn't terrible, but also isn't what God has intended for us. And if we aren't strong enough, we will settle because someone is better than no one. I am here to tell you: that is so not true.
So continuing on in the story, Rachel's father tells Jacob that it isn't customary for the younger daughter to be married before the older, so Jacob has to finish a week of marriage with Leah, agree to work seven more years, and then he would be given Rachel as his wife. Now lets think like regular humans for a second: If I had literally just worked seven years to be with my husband, been given my husband's brother and then be told that the only way I would get the husband I wanted was to work for seven more years, I would be tempted to just say, "Forget it!" and move on. That would have been such an easy out for Jacob. But, the thing is, Jacob didn't even hesitate on his answer. Jacob immediately knew what his answer would be because he knew that God had promised him Rachel. After he agreed, he was given Rachel as his wife. Finding The One is not an easy task. Sometimes it takes years of hard work, but just like Jacob said: it will only feel like a few days because of our love for The One.
Now, you could be sitting there reading this thinking, "How can Savannah talk about marriage and relationships like this? She isn't engaged or married, so how could she really have an opinion on the matter?" While I have not been engaged or married, I have read what the bible has to say about love, marriage and how we are called to love our spouses. I have learned that the best relationship advice comes straight for the word of God. We have to stop relying on other peoples relationships to shape our own. The best way to have a successful, loving, and righteous relationship is to know what the word says about them. I have learned some pretty basic relationship guidelines that I would love to share with you.
We have to realize that we both need and should help each other.
Sometimes alone time is okay, but never let it become permanent.
We will have bumps in the road, but patience is our greatest strength.
​​​​​​​Husbands, this next one is pretty self-explanatory, but, love your wife as Christ loved the church. That means, love her with a passion so true that you would lay down your life for her sake.
​​​​​​​Wives, let your husband be the head of your household. That doesn't mean you aren't both strong individuals, but allow him to be the provider for your family, allow him to love and protect you.
​​​​​​​Above anything else, always love one another.
"The Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
"Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Corinthians 7:5
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
"Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25
"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." 1 Peter 3:1-2
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.." 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
While I am a single 21 year old young woman, I can still prepare myself for The One. The word says that God will grant you the desires of your heart and I have no doubt that if your desire is to be a wife and make a family, then that will be granted to you. That doesn't mean the road will easy or short, but it does mean that it is there. Eventually down the road of our life, The One is there. I've been told my whole life from several people that, "it happens when you least expect it". If that is the case, then I need to become the woman I want The One to fall in love with and I encourage all of you, whether you're a man or a woman, to not worry about The One and who they might be, but instead focus on becoming The One for someone else. Believe it or not, you are someones The One! So when you begin to feel like Jacob, tired from working for so many years, just remember...when you do meet The One​​​​​​​ you will say to yourself, "It was worth the wait."
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kotorno · 6 years ago
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I watched the Adventure Time finale...
I’m proud that show was able to last as long as it did, especially with just how... kind of batshit insane the production got in its later seasons. I’m glad it kickstarted the careers of many great creators who have gone either to helm or create their own unique and diverse shows. I can tell that, at least in the early days, there was a big brewing pot of ideas and the “anything goes” mentality allowed different creators to tackle what they wanted with the program. The likes of many popular shows today are either rooted or inspired and admired by this show. And that’s fantastic. The finale was underwhelming. Truthfully I never really kept up with the show, so that’s probably part of it. AT came on the air when I was in college and when I wasn’t busy with games, studies, etc. the only show I tended to really watch at the time was Phineas and Ferb (and you can mock me all you want about that, I still stand by that that was a great show (that also had a nice run... until either Disney or the creators are trying to ruin it/recreate it without being the same show with their new product, but that’s another dumb talk for another time)). Adventure Time would have initially premiered when I was in my Junior of college, so yeah, probably didn’t watch it that much but respected a lot of the voice talent and kind of silly style the show had going for it. I’d watch it on and off through the years and get invested in some of the bigger multiparters such as the return of the Lich (never really understood it too much other than it was just evil), the really cute relationship Finn had with the Flame Princess until someone went “we don’t know how to write this and this is a show about adventure!” so they kind of just... stomped on that, and then the introduction of the being known as Prismo, who was pretty dang cool. A good friend of mine and I began bonding over cartoons because we watched a lot of them. Cartoons are, by in large, vehicles for everyone. They get this bad rep that they’re “kid’s stuff” and I can see why if you have stupidly easy to produce shows that just rely on fart jokes or the like. But we didn’t really see that. This drove us both back to watch Adventure Time, since we wanted to catch up on all the current cartoons. The episode we ended up watching... I think it was a two-parter, was about Finn’s dead-beat dad and getting him out of jail so he could then... betray his son to go somewhere? They killed off Prismo (at least for now), Finn lost an arm, and it seemed like things were getting tense. ...then Finn grew an arm back a few episodes later like, “lol, nothing bad happened.” For both of us, though my friend was already bothered by the two-parter we had watched, we kind of viewed the show has not really wanting to take itself seriously. Like there was this sense that yes, they wanted to have high stakes. Yes, they wanted to create this big expansive story (that the creator of the show kind of just said didn’t really exist or wasn’t extremely fleshed out when the show began, it was just a fun weird idea he had). But it seemed like someone burst into the writing room and went, “NO, WE CAN’T DO THAT. WE NEED TO REVERT IT BACK TO A FUN HAPPY JOLLY ADVENTURE” This seems to have persisted for the rest of the show’s duration.
Random side characters would be brought back, changed up, revived, killed off again, all for the sense of some kind of “drama” but then episodes would go “lol forget that happened” as if the writers were literally fighting with each other on what the hell they wanted to do now that most of their founding talent had moved onto other projects. Not to say anything bad of the last few seasons, but it just seems no one was willing to compromise to make something vaguely coherent. I realize that’s hilarious given that the first few episodes are anything but, but that seems to come from again a time when the series really wasn’t MEANT to have a large overarching narrative. I think with a lot of shows that have appeared since then, everyone just assumes “oh, this is a big overarching story with a beginning, middle and end and we’re just getting pieces of it at a time” such as the like with Steven Universe, the recent Ducktales reboot and parts of Gravity Falls. But I think the proof is in the pudding: This isn’t a “grand scheme, J.K. Rowling had most of the ideas for Harry Potter set out when she wrote the first book,” this is more of a, “Nomura realized he was going to make more Kingdom Hearts games and had to write by the seat of his pants in order to make a long narrative, making up new crap as he goes along.” There’s nothing wrong with that second one when done correctly, lots of older shows such as Star Trek: TNG were able to do this pretty competently. But when I think about it I think back to college when an old roommate and I were discussing the manga, “Bleach” which was beginning(?) or at least had signs of wrapping up at the time. I argued that Bleach overstayed its welcome, had horrendous pacing issues, and was plaguing itself with the most (at the time) bloated ending (which ended up NOT being the ending, fancy that). My roommate argued that once the series was completed, he would reread it and he was sure it would all make sense read as one package rather than the weekly updates we got.
So a few years passed and Bleach finally ended. My former roommate set himself out to do this task. He was kind of disappointed to find out that what I had said was true: The pacing got sloppy after a certain point, new powers get introduced pretty much at random, and fights last for goddamn ever (and this is the MANGA) leading to a really “meh” ending that feels extremely forced... after two other arcs that also felt extremely forced since they go against that proposed “what everyone thought would be” ending.
I feel like Adventure Time will be viewed in a similar light in the future. From the limited knowledge I have, it seems the “writers fighting over” what to do with Finn, Jake and the characters did indeed happen. There were plans for a movie, then it got canceled, then they tried to revive it, then they wanted to do specials and finally they just got a few more seasons. While I’m sure some would say, “well of course Cartoon Network would give them more seasons, it’s their most popular show!” Well it isn’t anymore. It hasn’t been for a while. The fact the show got a few more seasons seems more on good faith of “this product was good in the past, maybe it can still shine” they say as they cram Teen Titans Go literally to everywhere on their schedule. By the time my friend and I had watched the episode with Finn’s dad, Steven Universe had become huge on the network and many fans of AT, who liked some of one of the main original writer’s stories for that show, switched over to their new show instead. Cartoon Network was also premiering new shows around this time with We Bare Bears and Clarence, which had their own form of a humor that was relatable (like the ones found in AT) but without having a confusing as heck backstory/world. These shows became pretty popular because they did things without even making a fuss out of them (one of the characters in Clarence has two moms, and no one questions it, it’s just acceptance. There’s even a joke in that show about one of the characters waiting for a blind date, sees a hot guy and gets excited, then finds out he’s actually on a dinner date with his boyfriend/husband, it’s honestly masterly crafted). This kind of left AT in the dust for a bit as it’s weird show was becoming more serialized to the akin of the later seasons of Spongebob -- When in doubt, do something weird, or dumb or maybe shock-value (substitute for Spongebob’s gross-out humor) just to get views.
It seems the dust finally settled as the writers were able to come up with SOMETHING in order to end plot threads that were set up or messed up or whatever. Did you know Ice King was a regular human from before an apocalyptic war? It was a pretty cool reveal. Cool. Now there’s just a magic time portal for some reason and he’s no longer cursed for a bit and his wife is here. Oh, but he’s Ice King again and doesn’t remember her so... his wife will just wander the wilderness or something now? Okay... Jake’s an alien now. In hindsight, sure, it makes sense, but it feels like many of these ideas are just thrown at the wall for the sake of making “lore” when it’s really just making random crap up to make the show feel more “deep.” (Seriously, go look at the Kingdom Hearts plot to see the master of this craft.)
In the end, the finale wraps with a war... or not... it just kind of devolves into this thing for a bit where Finn has to confront his fears one last time, Bubblegum (who was just kind of shit on a bit from the writers during the later seasons) has to fight her uncle?? But then they make peace, and then a giant demon shows up for some reason because Ice King’s wife summoned it. Why did she summon it? What was the purpose? “Well I wanted my husband back” yeah ok, but... giant demon? The f*ck? Then through the power of music they kind of banish it... it’s... weird. I mean it makes sense for the show, and it’s definitely not a terrible episode. But it feels like they really wanted to play up, “LOOK AT THIS EPIC TALE WE’VE WEAVED, YOU BETTER HAVE NOTICED ALL THE DETAILS!!” for their last shebang. And that’s really the problem: The show was never set up like that to begin with. It was set up as a funny show with silly gags and interesting locales for characters to explore from episode to episode. If they ever did something that had consequences (in the earlier seasons at least) something would be done with a quick explanation of dialogue or something that gave the viewer indication as to what was going on, so they wouldn’t be lost. If you’ve watched Steven Universe at all, this show does it pretty brilliantly. Even with more recent episodes that have become heavily story-driven, you can start an episode without having seen ANY of the previous and it’s easy to work your way into. Having that previous knowledge helps, but the shows are constructed in a way that you shouldn’t have to do that unless you want to. Maybe because this was a finale, that’s why they could get away with it? ...but Gravity Falls had a finale too. It put in a lot of references to past episodes and things that happened in the series. You can still watch that finale without having seen any of the series. There’s no big bar that holds you back as to “why is this happening.” You learn character motivations, importance of items, etc. quickly in how it’s established. I know that sounds really selfish, “well it’s a finale for THIS show, and they should reward longtime viewers” and sure, fine. But the way Gravity Falls did it also didn’t alienate newer viewers either?
We’ll see what time has to say on it when people begin bringing it up to their kids or when past kids look in on it in just a few years who may have never seen the show. Maybe I’m 100% wrong. But I feel that it’s a show that, like Bleach, should have ended while it was ahead, at least a few years back. Luckily unlike Bleach, it’s still an enjoyable conclusion. But it definitely feels like a hollow shell of its former self. (But hey Marceline and Bubblegum becoming an item is actually cool and some of the scenes with them at the end are really cute so that’s a good plus, and Beemo (the best character) became a king so not everything’s terrible... just mediocre besides those points.)
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webdesignersolutions · 6 years ago
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I’ve been a cPanel administrator for over 15 years. I remember when it came out in the late 90s and nobody wanted it. cPanel was riddled with bugs, extremely slow, and the last time they shook up the industry is when they dropped FreeBSD support entirely. Over the years, they’ve stripped features, integrated more of their own code, and all but lock you in to running certain things a certain way. cPanel is becoming the Easy Button for a lot of companies, and old people with money take notice (investors).
cPanel and its next biggest competitor Plesk is owned by the same group. For many small- to medium-sized businesses, DirectAdmin is one of the only big commercial alternatives left. Many aren’t prepared to roll their own control panel. I know I’m not, so I decided to make the switch immediately. Here are my takeaways from migrating out of cPanel in 8 hours.
— Lighter, Faster DirectAdmin flies. When you install cPanel, you’re entering a very committed relationship. DirectAdmin runs on top of things, not inside. It doesn’t want to change your core code. If DirectAdmin is having an issue, it’s not going to crash your whole operation. I often forget how reliant we are on these cPanel-specific RPMs.
— Install What You Need DirectAdmin doesn’t come with a lot out of the box. In fact, after the first 10 minutes I was already digging through manuals, searching the web and forums. There is a lot of OLD information for previous versions of DA you’ll come across. It was very confusing finding help on one issue, only to see it’s 5 years old and completely different, or now integrated natively.
For example, there is a lot of nifty third party plugins that are near-requirements for new DirectAdmin people (Web GUI Custombuild), and you have to sift through years’ old forum posts (or Google) to find the latest links, the newest information. I’m pretty sure I ran a few old instructions and broke everything, only to find out they’re finally including XYZ feature natively because of 3 years worth of hacks and forum posts… and because of the new influx of angry cPanel users like us. You might be used to being presented with a zillion new options to set up your server, but DirectAdmin is going to make you think about just what you need.
— Be Prepared To Edit As mentioned, DirectAdmin is light for a reason. Certain basic things in 2019 are going to require you to read, or know a little bit about the software before you dive in. SpamAssassin spam filtering, for example, has to be enabled. It’s not going to hold your hand like WHM for setting up SpamAssassin, DKIM/DMARC, etc. Some of DA’s features remind me of Webmin in a sense that because it runs on everything, you have to know a little something about the config files you’re working with. I hope some of these scripts get integrated to further “complete” DirectAdmin’s ease to use. I don’t mind third party scripts, but I feel safer knowing I can bug the DA developers for commercial support, and not have to hop on IRC and interrupt some freelancer god because your tasks rely on his/her easy button and it’s broken. To use DirectAdmin, you need to be a direct admin. This is going to thin out a lot of companies that don’t have an intermediate knowledge of how their server works.
— Migrating cpmove Backups Ah yes, the backups. I know there’s a lot of great cPanel migration coming in the latest DirectAdmin release (the reason I’m on Beta/RC). It’s looking like a smooth process, but it’s still going to require some work right now. We’ll need to still worry about basic things like username length differences, path updates if your sites are using certain directories, and if you’re using multiple hard drives or partitions, I believe you need to symlink them from /home to whereever they really live (CentOS). I know the first question I had about moving backups, is where do I put my other hard drives to work with DirectAdmin, and it seems like a manual trick right now rather than telling the web interface “Also install on /home2”. I just updated to the latest latest DirectAdmin beta and will be trying the new cPanel migration tool changes soon. I know migrating by hand isn’t an option for a lot of people, and third party support companies are about to become rich (I see you, Bob!).
— DirectAdmin Security This is where you really need to know what you’re doing. DirectAdmin installs a very basic setup – there’s no default SSL enabled so you’ll immediately need to change passwords after you set up your certificate, or LetsEncrypt, etc. I know LetsEncrypt is probably the first extra thing you’ll want to get running for your sites’ security, and even though it wasn’t as easy as cPanel, I did it without much fuss from a forum post and it appears to be working and updating just fine. You can also change the default DirectAdmin port, and I suggest that you include with new websites an alias or redirect for “/cpanel” to “:2222” or whatever port DA runs on for you.
— Addons I re-discovered Installatron (like Softlicious) and it works great with DirectAdmin for those one-click scripts. I think it also does auto-updating and the scripts are nearly all of what you probably have on other addons for cPanel. WordPress, Clientexec, all the goodies. They offer a 45-day trial and installation was a breeze. Again, throw some commands into your Terminal window and you’re off to the races. For other addons, you can always install them yourself (rootkit hunter, extra antivirus, etc.) if the addon doesn’t exist. Remember, DirectAdmin doesn’t want to marry your system. Addons make things easy, but you still need to be somewhat of a server administrator. I mean, it’s in the name… Direct Admin.
— Issues From Clients We immediately noticed a few things once the migration went live and DNS updated. Non-tech users have a lot of trouble with port numbers. Having them type an address and then say “Now add :2222 to the end of it and hit enter” over the phone is just impossible for old people. Plus, it sounds funny when you say it (tu tu tu tu). I’ve had them type 22, 222, one person used a semicolon (how nice of them!). Having an alias set up for those /cpanel habbits is a must. For /webmail, with Roundcube installed everything worked as expected. The Roundcube login (/webmail) is not mobile friendly, whereas the cPanel WebMail passthrough is.
The DirectAdmin (non-cPanel) interface is very confusing to new users, but the upcoming ‘Icons Grid’ theme from DirectAdmin and the ability to see all icons (Admin, Reseller, User) is going to change the game. If you saw the DA demo and ran away screaming, you need to come back and check this new theme. It’s literally going to change the way you think about DirectAdmin, and whatever is easy for my clients is easy for me. I don’t care about my interface, I care about theirs. This theme almost makes DirectAdmin a new product to my users. I’m so happy with this that I didn’t have to create one myself and maintain it.
DirectAdmin defaults the IMAP/Mail etc. settings to be mail.your-domain.com but even in the cPanel days I always used the exact domain for the clients who did not have complex mail setup or their own servers. As long as you LetsEncrypt all the subdomains you need (mail, ftp, etc.) and it’s a valid SSL certificate, and you have the server certificate properly set up too, your end-users’ email won’t see a big change. Extra email settings like enabling BlockCracking I wish was presented more out of the box, with more email security features (like cPanel), but I know everything cPanel does I can do myself by hand. The fewer DA email setup features are going to cause some head scratching for new migrations.
— Moving Forward Most of my cPanel licenses are through resellers like BuycPanel, and I know their prices should be a bit lower than direct, but rather than getting whacked with a giant bill, or having it out with my licensing reseller over these new prices, I’m moving forward with rolling out more DirectAdmin. The Wife grilled up for 4th of July and I ate food while doing test migrations. I’ve been living in DirectAdmin 24/7 since hearing about the hike at the end of June and I’m coming to terms with it. I will be writing a lot more notes to myself to keep DirectAdmin going and remembering what I did, like having to deal with CentOS firewall issues out of the box from one server provider’s image.
Since so much is still required to do by hand, or with a third party script some developer blessed you with for free, I feel like I need to buy a special note taking application. I hope the new influx of DirectAdmin users from this new pricing fiasco brings more native support to DA. Hire these amazing forum users, charge more than $29 per month because you know you’re going to get it, especially when Plesk brand switches licensing to match (Oakley is evil!), but give us more features. I’d pay $99/month per server just to get more people working on DirectAdmin. Just don’t become evil…
Submitted July 06, 2019 at 02:36PM by zeamp https://www.reddit.com/r/webhosting/comments/c9z0eg/takeaways_from_migrating_cpanel_to_directadmin/?utm_source=ifttt
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reomanet · 6 years ago
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I Delivered Packages for Amazon and It Was a Nightmare
I Delivered Packages for Amazon and It Was a Nightmare
Technology I Delivered Packages for Amazon and It Was a Nightmare Amazon Flex allows drivers to get paid to deliver packages from their own vehicles. But is it a good deal for workers? Jun 25, 2018 Aygun Aliyeva / Shutterstock.com / Arsh Raziuddin / The Atlantic / GoogleMaps I’m sure I looked comical as I staggered down a downtown San Francisco street on a recent weekday, arms full of packages—as I dropped one and bent down to pick it up, another fell, and as I tried to rein that one in, another toppled. Yet it wasn’t funny, not really. There I was, wearing a bright-yellow safety vest and working for Amazon Flex, a program in which the e-commerce giant pays regular people to deliver packages from their own vehicles for $18 to $25 an hour, before expenses. I was racing to make the deliveries before I got a ticket—there are few places for drivers without commercial vehicles to park in downtown San Francisco during the day—and also battling a growing rage as I lugged parcels to offices of tech companies that offered free food and impressive salaries to their employees, who seemed to spend their days ordering stuff online. Technology was allowing these people a good life, but it was just making me stressed and cranky. “NOT. A. GOOD. DEAL,” I scrawled in my notebook, after having walked down nine flights of stairs, sick of waiting for a freight elevator that may or may not have been broken, and returned to my car for another armful of packages. Welcome to the future of package delivery. As people shop more online, companies like Amazon are turning to independent contractors—essentially anyone with a car—to drop parcels at homes and businesses. Flex is necessary because Amazon is growing so quickly—the company shipped 5 billion Prime items last year—that it can’t just rely on FedEx, UPS, and the Postal Service. Flex takes care of “last mile” deliveries, the most complicated part of getting goods from where they’re made to your doorstep. It also allows Amazon to meet increases in demand during the holiday season, Prime Day, and other busy times of the year, a spokeswoman told me in an email. But Flex operates year-round, not just during the holiday season, which suggests there’s another reason for it: It’s cheap. As the larger trucking industry has discovered over the past decade, using independent contractors rather than unionized drivers saves money, because so many expenses are borne by the drivers, rather than the company. Amazon has rolled out Flex in more than 50 cities, including New York; Indianapolis, Indiana; and Memphis, Tennessee. The company doesn’t share information about how many drivers it has, but one Seattle economist calculated that 11,262 individuals drove for Flex in California between October 2016 and March 2017, based on information Amazon shared with him to help the company defend a lawsuit about Flex drivers. On the surface, these jobs, like many others in the gig economy, seem like a good deal. But Flex workers get no health insurance or pension, and are not guaranteed a certain number of hours or shifts a week. They are not covered by basic labor protections like minimum wage and overtime pay, and they don’t get unemployment benefits if they suddenly can’t work anymore. And when workers calculate how much they’re pulling in on a daily basis, they often don’t account for the expenses that they’ll incur doing these jobs. “A lot of these gig-type services essentially rely on people not doing the math on what it actually costs you,” Sucharita Kodali, a Forrester analyst who covers e-commerce, told me . One Amazon Flex driver in Cleveland, Chris Miller, 63, told me that though he makes $18 an hour, he spends about 40 cents per mile he drives on expenses like gas and car repairs. He bought his car, used, with 40,000 miles on it. It now has 140,000, after driving for Flex for seven months, and Uber and Lyft before that. That means he’s incurred about $40,000 in expenses—things he didn’t think about initially, like changing the oil more frequently and replacing headlights and taillights. He made slightly less than $10 an hour driving for Uber, he told me, once he factored in these expenses; Flex pays a bit better. Miller’s wife has a full-time job with benefits, so his Flex earnings are helpful for paying off his family’s credit-card bills. But “if I were trying to make this work as a single guy on my own, it would be tough to do that,” he said. His costs might actually be lower than what most drivers spend: The standard mileage rates for use of a car for business purposes, according to the IRS, are 54.5 cents a mile in 2018. I became an Amazon Flex independent contractor by downloading an app, going through a background check, and watching 19 videos that explained in great detail the process of delivering packages. (I did not get paid for the time it took to watch these videos, nor was there any guarantee that I would be approved as a driver once I watched the videos.) The videos covered topics like what to do if a customer decides they don’t want their order anymore (“Isn’t this customer nuts?!,” Amazon asks), and how to deliver alcohol (asking customers how old they are, it turns out, is not an acceptable form of checking ID). Because the videos were followed by quizzes, I actually had to pay attention. After I was finally approved as a driver, a process that took weeks, I signed up for a shift. Flex drivers get work by opening the app and clicking on available shifts; current Flex drivers told me that newbies get offered the best hours and rates. My first shift was from 11:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. on a Tuesday, delivering packages from an Amazon logistics center in South San Francisco, about 30 minutes from my apartment. Different shifts offer varying rates; my three-and-a-half-hour block was going to net me $70, according to the app, though of course I had to pay for my own fuel and tolls. The app would tell me where to pick up the packages, where to drop them off, and what route to take, so the task seemed pretty easy. I anticipated a few leisurely hours driving between houses in a sleepy San Francisco suburb, listening to an audiobook as I dropped packages on doorsteps, smelling the lavender and sagebrush that grace many front lawns here. My first hint that the afternoon was not going to be the bucolic day I had imagined came when I drove into the Amazon warehouse to pick up the packages. I was handed a yellow safety vest to wear inside the warehouse so other drivers could see me, “compliments of Amazon,” a man told me, and was directed to a parking spot where a cart of packages awaited. I began loading them into my trunk, but paused when I saw the addresses printed on them. I was assigned 43 packages but only two addresses: two office buildings on Market Street, the main thoroughfare in downtown San Francisco. This meant driving into downtown San Francisco in the middle of a workday, stashing my car somewhere and walking between floors and offices in the two buildings. Readers weigh in on the pitfalls of the gig economy. “Where am I supposed to park?” I asked the two men who were guiding traffic in the warehouse, as I loaded giant boxes and slim white Prime envelopes into my overstuffed car. They both shrugged. “Lots of people just get tickets,” one told me. I was still feeling optimistic as I headed through 30 minutes of traffic to downtown San Francisco. I saw container ships on the horizon of the Bay as I drove up Highway 101, and for a moment, felt like an integral part of a global delivery chain that brought these packages from China, across the sea, to the port, over the roads, into the backseat of my car, and now to the people eagerly awaiting them. By some measures, delivering packages is one of the few “good” jobs left in America for people without college degrees. The Teamsters represent roughly 260,000 UPS workers, who make around $36 an hour . The American Postal Workers Union represents around 156,000 clerks and support workers, who make, on average, $75,500 annually, according to the union. The National Association of Letter Carriers, which did not respond to requests for comment, represents the actual Postal Service delivery workers. * Yet these union jobs are under pressure. “These are good jobs, and they can get much worse really fast,” Steve Viscelli, a sociologist at the University of Pennsylvania who writes about the trucking industry, told me. The Teamsters recently gave workers the go-ahead to call a strike amid ongoing contract negotiations, although the two sides said late last week they’d reached a tentative deal. The American Postal Workers Union is about to begin contract negotiations too. Workers are pushing back over weekend deliveries and the lower pay and benefits given to part-time workers. UPS now has a second tier of part-time workers who make as little as $10 an hour; the Postal Service has added workers it calls city carrier assistants who make less than regular mail carriers. And then, of course, there’s Flex. If the delivery workforce continues to shift toward nonunionized workers and independent contractors, the industry could go from one where workers can support a family to one where they are making less than minimum wage. That’s what happened in the long-haul trucking industry, according to Viscelli. The average long-haul trucker today makes about $40,000 , down from the equivalent of $100,000 in 1980. “There’s been a whole movement to try to contain costs and undercut labor costs by classifying drivers as independent contractors so companies don’t have to worry about wage laws,” says Shannon Liss-Riordan, an attorney who has filed numerous lawsuits against tech companies for misclassifying workers as independent contractors. Amazon Flex employees sometimes make below the minimum wage in the city where they live—including in Seattle, where the minimum wage is $15 an hour—and they do not receive time-and-a-half for the hours they work over 40 hours a week, according to a lawsuit Liss-Riordan filed on behalf of Flex workers in U.S. District Court in Washington State. (Amazon said it does not comment on pending litigation.) For some people, being an independent contractor is one of the best parts of driving for Flex. Jeremy Brown, a 36-year-old Flex driver in Milwaukee, told me that he likes the freedom of being his own boss. If he wakes up in the morning and doesn’t feel like driving for Flex, he can go back to sleep, or spend his time leading the music worship service at his church, or homeschooling his kids. He makes enough money—around $120 a day, when he factors in expenses—from Flex that his family relies on it for the bulk of their income. Brown often finishes his two-hour shifts in a shorter time than Amazon has estimated they will take. But if it takes a Flex driver longer to complete their deliveries than Amazon has calculated it will, they don’t get paid for the extra time. (An Amazon spokeswoman told me that “the vast majority” of blocks are completed within or in less than the estimated time.) If the driver gets into a car accident, the driver, not Amazon, is responsible for medical and insurance costs. If a driver gets a speeding ticket, the driver pays. (UPS and FedEx usually pay their trucks’ tickets, but Amazon explicitly says in the contract Flex drivers sign that drivers are responsible for fees and fines­.) Because of the way Flex works, drivers rarely know when blocks of time will become available, and don’t know when they’ll be working or how much they’ll be making on any given day. Brown likes to work two shifts delivering groceries for Amazon, from 4:30 to 6:30 a.m. and 6:30 to 8:30 a.m., but the morning we talked, no 4:30 shifts were available. He sometimes wakes up at 3 a.m. and does what Flex workers call the “sip and tap,” sitting at home and drinking coffee while refreshing the app, hoping new blocks come up. He does not get paid for the hour he spends tapping. Twice in the last year, he’s been barred from seeing new blocks for seven days because Amazon accused him of using a bot to grab blocks—he says he just taps the app so frequently Amazon assumes he’s cheating. When he is barred from seeing blocks, he has no recourse but to repeatedly email Amazon, which has never led to his suspension being lifted. Amazon also does not break down how much he receives in tips and how much he receives in pay from the company—for all he knows, people are tipping him $20 and Amazon is paying him less than minimum wage. And he doesn’t have a boss he can ask what’s going on. Kelly Cheeseman, an Amazon spokeswoman, told me that Flex is a great opportunity for people to be their own boss and set their own schedule. If workers prefer to be full-time employees, rather than independent contractors, the company has a “wide variety” of full- and part-time opportunities, she said. (Of course, many of the full-time jobs are physically challenging as well. Chris Miller, the Cleveland worker, told me that he preferred working as a contractor to working as an employee for Amazon, which is infamous for high levels of stress and pressure among employees.) Cheeseman said that most Flex workers are doing the job as a side gig to make money when they’re in school or raising kids. But Nikolay Akunts, a driver who administers a Facebook group for Flex workers in the San Francisco Bay Area, told me that 70 to 80 percent of the drivers in the group are doing so full-time. (Akunts drives for Flex in Sunnyvale, California, from 4:30 to 8:30 a.m. and then goes to his full-time job at a software company.) Even people who work for Flex full-time know they can’t always depend on the app to make money. Akunts said that people often get “deactivated,” which means they receive a message telling them they can no longer drive for Flex. Sometimes, the workers don’t know why they’ve been terminated and their contract annulled, he told me. It can take as long as a month to get reinstated. Akunts, who likes working for Flex and makes a lot of money doing so, told me that he’s one of the only drivers left after three years delivering packages in Sunnyvale who hasn’t been deactivated or quit. “Amazon keeps you on a high standard,” Akhunts said. If someone ordered a grocery delivery but doesn’t answer the phone, Akunts keeps trying—the customer might be in the shower or on the other line, he said. This dedication to the customer, he said, is what Amazon expects from its workers. When I arrived at the Market Street address where the first batch of packages were supposed to be delivered, I swiped “I’ve arrived” on the Flex app. The app informed me that I should actually be delivering the packages at the freight elevator on Ellis Street, in the back of the building—a two-minute walk, but a traffic-choked 10-minute drive, away. Once I arrived there, I discovered there was nowhere to park legally. I was already nearly an hour into my shift and hadn’t delivered a package yet, so I parked at a red parking meter reserved for trucks with six wheels or more from 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. and started to make trips to the building, my arms full of parcels. Flex drivers often fill their cars to the brim before delivering packages. (Alana Semuels / The Atlantic) I tried to move quickly so that I wasn’t leaving my car unattended for very long, but after walking in circles through the building, I reemerged onto Ellis Street and encountered a parking enforcement officer about to write me a ticket. I explained my difficulty: that I was delivering for Amazon, but there was nowhere to park, since I didn’t have commercial plates. What was I supposed to do? My only option, since I was driving a personal car, he said, was to park in a garage, or deliver the packages at night. But lots of people risk it and park illegally in meters, he told me—the number of parking citations issued in the first three months of the year for people parking illegally at red and yellow meters grew 29 percent from 2016, according to data provided to me by the city. I eventually convinced him not to give me a ticket, which would have cost $110 and wiped out my earnings for the day, but even as he pulled away, he warned me that another officer could be coming by soon and wouldn’t hesitate to write me one. Later, when I returned to the warehouse, I encountered a few Flex drivers who had two people in the car, presumably so one could drive and watch out for traffic enforcement officers while the other hopped out to deliver packages. Parking headaches weren’t the only problem. One of the packages I had to deliver was a huge box weighing more than 30 pounds. Because of the limited parking, I ended up walking two blocks with it, resting every 100 steps or so. At one point, a friendly police officer tried to lift it for kicks and groaned audibly. The security guard at the front door of the office building chastised me for carrying the box, and told me that I should be using a dolly to transport it. (None of the 19 videos I had to watch to be a Flex driver recommended bringing a delivery cart or a dolly.) Had I injured myself carrying the package, I would not have been able to receive workers’ compensation or paid medical time off. I also would have been responsible for my own medical care. Brown, the Milwaukee Amazon Flex driver, is the sole provider for his family, and uses BadgerCare, the Wisconsin health-insurance program for low-income residents, for his family’s health insurance. And then there was the fact that the Flex technology itself was difficult to use. Flex workers are supposed to scan each package before they deliver it, but the app wouldn’t accept my scans. When I called support, unsure of what to do, I received a recorded messaging saying support was experiencing technical difficulties, but would be up again soon. Then I got a message on my phone telling me the current average wait time for support was “less than 114,767 minutes.” I ended up just handing the packages to people in the offices without scanning them, hoping that someone, somewhere, was tracking where they went. (Amazon says it is constantly taking driver feedback into consideration to improve Flex.) Two of the small offices I was supposed to deliver packages to were locked, and there was no information about where to leave the deliveries. When I finally reached support and asked what to do with those undeliverable packages, I was told I could either drive them back to the warehouse in South San Francisco, 35 minutes away through worsening traffic, or keep trying to deliver them until the recipients returned. When I tried to use the app to call the recipients, it directed me to the wrong phone numbers; I eventually called a phone number printed on an office door and left a message. But there was no efficient way to register my problems with Amazon—I was on my own. All my frustration really hit when I went to the second office building on Market Street, home to a few big tech companies. One of them took up multiple floors, smelled strongly of pizza, and had dog leashes and kibble near the front door. Young workers milled around with laptops and lattes, talking about weekend plans. They were benefiting from the technology boom, sharing in the prosperity that comes with a company’s rapid growth. Technology was making their jobs better—they worked in offices that provided free food and drinks, and they received good salaries, benefits, and stock options. They could click a button and use Amazon to get whatever they wanted delivered to their offices—I brought 16 packages for 13 people to one office; one was so light I was sure it was a pack of gum, another felt like a bug-spray container. Until then, I had been, like them, blithely ordering things on Amazon so I wouldn’t have to wait in line at a store or go searching for a particular product (even though I knew, from talking to warehouse workers , that many of the jobs that get those packages to my door aren’t good ones). But now, technology was enabling Amazon to hire me to deliver these packages with no benefits or perks. If one of these workers put the wrong address on the package, they would get a refund, while I was scurrying around trying to figure out what they meant when they listed their address as “fifth floor” and there was no fifth floor. How could these two different types of jobs exist in the same economy? Gig-economy jobs like this one are becoming more and more common. The number of “non-employer firms” in the ground-transportation sector—essentially freelancers providing rides through various platforms—grew 69 percent from 2010 to 2014, the most recent year for which there is data available, according to a Brookings analysis of Census Bureau and Moody’s data. Big cities like San Francisco, Boston, and Denver led the growth, according to Mark Muro, a senior fellow and policy director at the Metropolitan Policy Program at Brookings. Regular payroll employment in ground-transportation companies grew at a much slower rate, Brookings found. People are worried that automation is going to create a “job apocalypse,” but there will likely be thousands more driving and delivery jobs in upcoming years, according to Viscelli. Technology has allowed people to outsource the things they don’t want to do; they can now have someone else go grocery shopping for them, pick up their takeout, bring them packages in under two hours so they don’t have to go to a store. “We’re going to take the billion hours Americans spend driving to stores and taking things off shelves, and we’re going to turn it into jobs,” Viscelli said. “The fundamental question is really what the quality of these jobs is going to be.” This shift could create even more congestion in cities as hundreds of small passenger cars flood the streets. It also could fundamentally change people’s relationship with their employers—think of people like Chris Miller, the Ohio Flex driver, who for years was a full-time employee at various radio stations, and now is on his own. “It concerns me that this could be the way of the world,” he told me. There are efforts to make some of the people who drive for Flex employees rather than independent contractors, a move that worker advocates say could go a long way in improving the quality of these jobs. The lawsuit filed by Shannon Liss-Riordan in Washington State, for example, argues that Flex drivers are employees, not independent contractors, because they receive unpaid training about how to interact with customers and handle deliveries, they must follow Amazon’s instructions about where to make deliveries, and they can be terminated if they don’t follow the company’s policies. Liss-Riordan filed the lawsuit on behalf of five plaintiffs, but is hoping to add more. The California Supreme Court ruled in April that businesses must use an “ABC” standard when deciding how to classify workers. The standard, already in use in Massachusetts and New Jersey, means a worker is an independent contractor only if the work is done without direction and control from the employer, outside the course of the employer’s usual business, and is done by someone who has his or her own independent business doing that kind of work. This may make it harder for employers to classify workers as contractors—but still, it will be hard for Amazon Flex workers in California to change their classification. They will have to file a formal complaint or take the matter to court, assuming Amazon and other gig-economy companies do not reclassify them on their own. Liss-Riordan says one of the biggest obstacles in getting workers to take legal action over their classification is that many Flex workers agree, upon signing up to deliver packages, to resolve disputes with Amazon through arbitration. Companies can now use arbitration clauses to prevent workers from joining together to file class-action lawsuits, because of a May Supreme Court ruling . (A new lawsuit now in front of the Supreme Court argues that transportation workers are exempt from that rule.) Looking back through the many things I’d agreed to when signing up for Flex, I found that I, too, was governed by a binding arbitration agreement. The only way to opt out of this arbitration agreement would have been to inform Amazon I did not want to be covered by it within 14 days of signing the agreement. For me, being an independent contractor meant that the job was lonely, with no colleagues to share stories with, and no boss to ask about the many confusing aspects of being a first-day driver. (Flex drivers complained to me that even when they do contact support with a complaint, they often receive back a form letter, making them feel like they are working for a robot rather than a company that employs actual humans.) Many drivers take to Facebook to share stories and tips, but I only found those pages much later. My only interactions, aside from the parking enforcement officer, were with the people receiving the packages, who often said a distracted “thank you” as they tore open their packages, and with receptionists, who would nod me to mail rooms overflowing with brown boxes. Being an independent contractor also meant that the job was hard to leave behind, even when I was done for the day. A few hours after I’d finished my shift, I received a call on my cellphone from a woman to whom I’d tried to deliver a package earlier that day. There had been no instructions about where to leave the package, but she told me she had frequently asked Amazon to leave her packages with another office. As she began chastising me—and Amazon—for my failures, I told her I wasn’t responsible anymore and hung up the phone. Even weeks after I’d stopped driving for Flex, I kept getting new notifications from Amazon, telling me that increased rates were available, tempting me to log back in and make a few extra bucks, making me feel guilty for not opening the app, even though I have another job. And I didn’t even have to put up with the early, unpaid hours of the “sip and tap” drivers who depended on Flex for work that they never knew for sure was coming the next day. Flex was not a good deal for me. My shift lasted slightly longer than the three-and-a-half hours Amazon had told me it would, because I had to return two undeliverable packages to the South San Francisco warehouse. On my traffic-choked drive there, I passed a billboard showing a man who had made millions through Bitcoin sitting on a beach. My tech-economy experience was far less lucrative. In total, I drove about 40 miles (not counting the 26 miles I had to drive between the warehouse and my apartment). I was paid $70, but had $20 in expenses, based on the IRS mileage standards. I had narrowly avoided a $110 parking ticket, which felt like a win, but my earnings, added up, were $13.33 an hour. That’s less than San Francisco’s $14 minimum wage. I eagerly awaited my paycheck, which was supposed to be deposited into my bank account the Friday after my shift. It never came. Something had gone wrong with the way I entered my bank-account number into the app, and when I wrote to support to report this, I received a form letter back that said I was emailing Amazon from the wrong email address. I’m still corresponding with Amazon to figure out exactly how to get paid—more time spent trying to eke out a meager wage in the gig economy. We want to hear from you. Please email your response to [email protected] . * This article previously misstated which workers are represented by the American Postal Workers Union. We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to [email protected]. Alana Semuels is a staff writer at The Atlantic . She was previously a national correspondent for the Los Angeles Times .
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gossipnetwork-blog · 7 years ago
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A Timeline of Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall's Never-Ending Sex and the City Feud
New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/a-timeline-of-sarah-jessica-parker-and-kim-cattralls-never-ending-sex-and-the-city-feud/
A Timeline of Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall's Never-Ending Sex and the City Feud
We couldn’t help but wonder…will Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall‘s “feud” ever really go away?
While the Sex and the City co-stars have spent more time denying rumors of any animosity than actually playing Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha Jones in the last decade, there’s no denying there’s definitely some bad blood between them after plans for a third Sex and the City film fell through.
Sure, the media does have a tendency to pit women starring on TV shows against each other (see: SATC, Gossip Girl, The Good Wife, etc.) but where there’s smoke there’s a fire. Sometimes, co-workers just don’t get along (like the person in E! News’ offices who likes to heat up fish in the kitchen for lunch every day. Ahem.)
But with this latest installment in SJP and Cattrall’s “feud,” we decided to take a stroll down memory lane to see all the times they’ve addressed the headlines since SATC debuted in 1998. Grab your rental…
December 2004: While there were always rumors of cat fights quietly plaguing the set of Sex and the City throughout its six-season run, things came to light in 2004 as the show was ending after Cattrall told British talk show host Jonathan Ross that she had demanded more money.
“I felt after six years it was time for all of us to participate in the financial windfall of Sex and The City,” she said on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, adding she asked to be paid $1 million per episode (up from a reported $350,000) if the show were to continue. “When they didn’t seem keen on that I thought it was time to move on.”
Parker was paid more as she was an executive producer on the series (and later the movies).
May 2008: Four years later, fans were delighted when SATC returned, bringing the ladies to the big screen. But the movie, which was originally supposed to start filming right after the series wrapped, was delayed due to ongoing salary negotiations.
And Parker addressed the money talk and defended Cattrall when The Telegraph visited the set of the first movie.
“She mentioned money and no one should vilify her for it,” she said. “People made a decision that we had vilified her. No one bothered to say [to the rest of us], “Are you disappointed by not making the movie?’ Yes. “Do you respect and support her choice to not do it?” Absolutely.'”
In Marie Claire’s cover story ahead of the film’s premiere date, former HBO CEO Chris Albrecht weighed in on the salary disputes. “When you’re keeping people for years, you have to continue to pay them more money,” he said. “Sarah was becoming more and more famous, and her salary increased beyond what was contractually committed, which is normal for hit shows. The other actresses wanted to keep up.”
December 2009: In a show of support, Cattrall and Nixon attend the NYC premiere of Parker’s new movie, Did You Hear About the Morgans?
In the same month, Parker was on the cover of Elle, and once again talks about Cattrall and the alleged salary disputes that delayed the first movie. “I don’t think anybody wants to believe that I love Kim,” Parker told the mag. “I adore her. I wouldn’t have done the movie without her. Didn’t and wouldn’t.”
In the article, Cattrall compliments Parker, saying, “She shines and she allows you to shine as well.”
January 2010: In an in-depth interview with The Daily Mail, Cattrall expressed her exasperation over the never-ending feud rumors.
“People don’t want to believe that we get on. They have too much invested in the idea of two strong, successful women fighting with each other. It makes for juicy gossip and cop,” she said. “The truth of us being friends and getting along and happily doing our jobs together is nowhere near as newsworthy. I think Sarah is fantastic. She is a born leader and she guides the crew and the cast in such a strong but gentle way. She and I are sick of this. It’s exhausting talking about it, and a real bore. Next?”
May 2010: The four ladies once again posed for Marie Claire ahead of the second film’s premiere, and once again, they addressed the feud rumors. 
Parker admitted that sometimes “feelings get hurt” due to how much time they spend filming.
“You’re on set, you’re working 90-hour weeks, you’re never home, you’re exhausted,” she said. “There are times when all of us have been sensitive and sometimes feelings get hurt. But I don’t have any regrets about how I’ve treated people.”
Cattrall also spoke to the “stressful” says on set, telling the mag, ‘Nineteen-hour workdays are stressful, whether you’re driving a truck, working in a coal mine or on a set and trying to be your brightest at 4 o’clock in the morning. But there’s a camaraderie that happened through all of that..the chemistry among the four of us is very strong.”
She then said, “Because the press has to put women in these boxes, rather than show them as the movie portrays them: working together and being powerful. Things just have to be explosive for no other reason than for people’s imaginations.”
Cynthia Nixon also weighed in, adding, “It hasn’t always been smooth sailing. But the idea that we’re somehow adversarial is ludicrous.”
August 2016: Parker takes to Instagram to post a message to Cattrall on her 60th birthday. “Sending love and the very best for a perfectly marvelous, joyous, healthy and adventure filled birthday year,” she captioned the pic. “Your ol’ pal, fellow mischief maker and ‘sister’, Sj xxx.” 
September 2016: The next month, SJP talked to Time about the response her birthday post received from fans and the media. 
“I posted something on Kim’s birthday and people were like, ‘Oh my God, I didn’t know you liked her!'” she said. “What? We were all at liberty to walk away at any time! But nobody asked those questions of shows with men. Isn’t that interesting?”
October 2016: Parker is asked about the feud rumors when she goes on Howard Stern‘s radio show, and brought up society’s tendency to pit women against one another.
“It used to really confound me and really upset me because we were part of a family of sopranos and no one ever questioned the relationships of the men on that show and no one ever said to them, ‘Did you hang out this weekend with each other? Did you give each other Christmas presents?'” she said. “These were my sisters, these were people that I grew to love and admire.”
She continued, “Was every day perfect? Were people always desperately, hopefully in love with each other? No, but this is a family of people who needed each other, relied upon each other and loved each other. This sort of narrative, this ongoing catfight, it really upset me for a very long time.”
Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImage
September 2017: SJP confirmed that a third Sex and the City movie was this close to happening before. “It’s over…we’re not doing it,” she told Extra. “I’m disappointed. We had this beautiful, funny, heartbreaking, joyful, very relatable script and story. It’s not just disappointing that we don’t get to tell the story and have that experience, but more so for that audience that has been so vocal in wanting another movie.”
Wille Garson, who played Carrie’s BFF Stan, cryptically tweeted, “Disappointed for all crew holding on for negotiations to conclude for their jobs, and of course, for the fans. Leave it at that. #Truth.”
Reports then cited Cattrall has the lone hold-out, something she was quick to deny on Twitter, shooting down rumors of her alleged demands. “Woke 2 a @MailOnline [poop emoji] storm! The only ‘DEMAND’ I ever made was that I didn’t want to do a 3rd film….& that was back in 2016.”
October 2017: But Cattrall wasn’t done talking, going on to tell Piers Morgan during an appearance on his ITV show, Life Stories, that Parker “could have been nicer” about the demise of SATC 3.
“And now, now at this very moment it’s quite extraordinary to get any kind of negative press about something that I’ve been saying for almost a year of ‘no’ that I’m demanding or a diva,” Cattrall said, according to The Daily Mail. “And this is really where I take to task the people from Sex and the City and specifically Sarah Jessica Parker in that I think she could have been nicer. I really think she could have been nicer. I don’t know what her issue is, I never have.”
What do you think of SJP and Cattrall’s comments over the years? Did you want a third SATC movie? Tweet your thoughts at @tbrick2 and @eonlineTV.
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webdesignersolutions · 6 years ago
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Takeaways From Migrating cPanel to DirectAdmin Overnight
I've been a cPanel administrator for over 15 years. I remember when it came out in the late 90s and nobody wanted it. cPanel was riddled with bugs, extremely slow, and the last time they shook up the industry is when they dropped FreeBSD support entirely. Over the years, they've stripped features, integrated more of their own code, and all but lock you in to running certain things a certain way. cPanel is becoming the Easy Button for a lot of companies, and old people with money take notice (investors).
cPanel and its next biggest competitor Plesk is owned by the same group. For many small- to medium-sized businesses, DirectAdmin is one of the only big commercial alternatives left. Many aren't prepared to roll their own control panel. I know I'm not, so I decided to make the switch immediately. Here are my takeaways from migrating out of cPanel in 8 hours.
-- Lighter, Faster DirectAdmin flies. When you install cPanel, you're entering a very committed relationship. DirectAdmin runs on top of things, not inside. It doesn't want to change your core code. If DirectAdmin is having an issue, it's not going to crash your whole operation. I often forget how reliant we are on these cPanel-specific RPMs.
-- Install What You Need DirectAdmin doesn't come with a lot out of the box. In fact, after the first 10 minutes I was already digging through manuals, searching the web and forums. There is a lot of OLD information for previous versions of DA you'll come across. It was very confusing finding help on one issue, only to see it's 5 years old and completely different, or now integrated natively.
For example, there is a lot of nifty third party plugins that are near-requirements for new DirectAdmin people (Web GUI Custombuild), and you have to sift through years' old forum posts (or Google) to find the latest links, the newest information. I'm pretty sure I ran a few old instructions and broke everything, only to find out they're finally including XYZ feature natively because of 3 years worth of hacks and forum posts... and because of the new influx of angry cPanel users like us. You might be used to being presented with a zillion new options to set up your server, but DirectAdmin is going to make you think about just what you need.
-- Be Prepared To Edit As mentioned, DirectAdmin is light for a reason. Certain basic things in 2019 are going to require you to read, or know a little bit about the software before you dive in. SpamAssassin spam filtering, for example, has to be enabled. It's not going to hold your hand like WHM for setting up SpamAssassin, DKIM/DMARC, etc. Some of DA's features remind me of Webmin in a sense that because it runs on everything, you have to know a little something about the config files you're working with. I hope some of these scripts get integrated to further "complete" DirectAdmin's ease to use. I don't mind third party scripts, but I feel safer knowing I can bug the DA developers for commercial support, and not have to hop on IRC and interrupt some freelancer god because your tasks rely on his/her easy button and it's broken. To use DirectAdmin, you need to be a direct admin. This is going to thin out a lot of companies that don't have an intermediate knowledge of how their server works.
-- Migrating cpmove Backups Ah yes, the backups. I know there's a lot of great cPanel migration coming in the latest DirectAdmin release (the reason I'm on Beta/RC). It's looking like a smooth process, but it's still going to require some work right now. We'll need to still worry about basic things like username length differences, path updates if your sites are using certain directories, and if you're using multiple hard drives or partitions, I believe you need to symlink them from /home to whereever they really live (CentOS). I know the first question I had about moving backups, is where do I put my other hard drives to work with DirectAdmin, and it seems like a manual trick right now rather than telling the web interface "Also install on /home2". I just updated to the latest latest DirectAdmin beta and will be trying the new cPanel migration tool changes soon. I know migrating by hand isn't an option for a lot of people, and third party support companies are about to become rich (I see you, Bob!).
-- DirectAdmin Security This is where you really need to know what you're doing. DirectAdmin installs a very basic setup - there's no default SSL enabled so you'll immediately need to change passwords after you set up your certificate, or LetsEncrypt, etc. I know LetsEncrypt is probably the first extra thing you'll want to get running for your sites' security, and even though it wasn't as easy as cPanel, I did it without much fuss from a forum post and it appears to be working and updating just fine. You can also change the default DirectAdmin port, and I suggest that you include with new websites an alias or redirect for "/cpanel" to ":2222" or whatever port DA runs on for you.
-- Addons I re-discovered Installatron (like Softlicious) and it works great with DirectAdmin for those one-click scripts. I think it also does auto-updating and the scripts are nearly all of what you probably have on other addons for cPanel. WordPress, Clientexec, all the goodies. They offer a 45-day trial and installation was a breeze. Again, throw some commands into your Terminal window and you're off to the races. For other addons, you can always install them yourself (rootkit hunter, extra antivirus, etc.) if the addon doesn't exist. Remember, DirectAdmin doesn't want to marry your system. Addons make things easy, but you still need to be somewhat of a server administrator. I mean, it's in the name... Direct Admin.
-- Issues From Clients We immediately noticed a few things once the migration went live and DNS updated. Non-tech users have a lot of trouble with port numbers. Having them type an address and then say "Now add :2222 to the end of it and hit enter" over the phone is just impossible for old people. Plus, it sounds funny when you say it (tu tu tu tu). I've had them type 22, 222, one person used a semicolon (how nice of them!). Having an alias set up for those /cpanel habbits is a must. For /webmail, with Roundcube installed everything worked as expected. The Roundcube login (/webmail) is not mobile friendly, whereas the cPanel WebMail passthrough is.
The DirectAdmin (non-cPanel) interface is very confusing to new users, but the upcoming 'Icons Grid' theme from DirectAdmin and the ability to see all icons (Admin, Reseller, User) is going to change the game. If you saw the DA demo and ran away screaming, you need to come back and check this new theme. It's literally going to change the way you think about DirectAdmin, and whatever is easy for my clients is easy for me. I don't care about my interface, I care about theirs. This theme almost makes DirectAdmin a new product to my users. I'm so happy with this that I didn't have to create one myself and maintain it.
DirectAdmin defaults the IMAP/Mail etc. settings to be mail.your-domain.com but even in the cPanel days I always used the exact domain for the clients who did not have complex mail setup or their own servers. As long as you LetsEncrypt all the subdomains you need (mail, ftp, etc.) and it's a valid SSL certificate, and you have the server certificate properly set up too, your end-users' email won't see a big change. Extra email settings like enabling BlockCracking I wish was presented more out of the box, with more email security features (like cPanel), but I know everything cPanel does I can do myself by hand. The fewer DA email setup features are going to cause some head scratching for new migrations.
-- Moving Forward Most of my cPanel licenses are through resellers like BuycPanel, and I know their prices should be a bit lower than direct, but rather than getting whacked with a giant bill, or having it out with my licensing reseller over these new prices, I'm moving forward with rolling out more DirectAdmin. The Wife grilled up for 4th of July and I ate food while doing test migrations. I've been living in DirectAdmin 24/7 since hearing about the hike at the end of June and I'm coming to terms with it. I will be writing a lot more notes to myself to keep DirectAdmin going and remembering what I did, like having to deal with CentOS firewall issues out of the box from one server provider's image.
Since so much is still required to do by hand, or with a third party script some developer blessed you with for free, I feel like I need to buy a special note taking application. I hope the new influx of DirectAdmin users from this new pricing fiasco brings more native support to DA. Hire these amazing forum users, charge more than $29 per month because you know you're going to get it, especially when Plesk brand switches licensing to match (Oakley is evil!), but give us more features. I'd pay $99/month per server just to get more people working on DirectAdmin. Just don't become evil...
Submitted July 06, 2019 at 02:36PM by zeamp https://www.reddit.com/r/webhosting/comments/c9z0eg/takeaways_from_migrating_cpanel_to_directadmin/?utm_source=ifttt from Blogger http://webdesignersolutions1.blogspot.com/2019/07/takeaways-from-migrating-cpanel-to.html via IFTTT
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webdesignersolutions · 6 years ago
Text
Takeaways From Migrating cPanel to DirectAdmin Overnight via /r/webhosting
Takeaways From Migrating cPanel to DirectAdmin Overnight
I've been a cPanel administrator for over 15 years. I remember when it came out in the late 90s and nobody wanted it. cPanel was riddled with bugs, extremely slow, and the last time they shook up the industry is when they dropped FreeBSD support entirely. Over the years, they've stripped features, integrated more of their own code, and all but lock you in to running certain things a certain way. cPanel is becoming the Easy Button for a lot of companies, and old people with money take notice (investors).
cPanel and its next biggest competitor Plesk is owned by the same group. For many small- to medium-sized businesses, DirectAdmin is one of the only big commercial alternatives left. Many aren't prepared to roll their own control panel. I know I'm not, so I decided to make the switch immediately. Here are my takeaways from migrating out of cPanel in 8 hours.
-- Lighter, Faster DirectAdmin flies. When you install cPanel, you're entering a very committed relationship. DirectAdmin runs on top of things, not inside. It doesn't want to change your core code. If DirectAdmin is having an issue, it's not going to crash your whole operation. I often forget how reliant we are on these cPanel-specific RPMs.
-- Install What You Need DirectAdmin doesn't come with a lot out of the box. In fact, after the first 10 minutes I was already digging through manuals, searching the web and forums. There is a lot of OLD information for previous versions of DA you'll come across. It was very confusing finding help on one issue, only to see it's 5 years old and completely different, or now integrated natively.
For example, there is a lot of nifty third party plugins that are near-requirements for new DirectAdmin people (Web GUI Custombuild), and you have to sift through years' old forum posts (or Google) to find the latest links, the newest information. I'm pretty sure I ran a few old instructions and broke everything, only to find out they're finally including XYZ feature natively because of 3 years worth of hacks and forum posts... and because of the new influx of angry cPanel users like us. You might be used to being presented with a zillion new options to set up your server, but DirectAdmin is going to make you think about just what you need.
-- Be Prepared To Edit As mentioned, DirectAdmin is light for a reason. Certain basic things in 2019 are going to require you to read, or know a little bit about the software before you dive in. SpamAssassin spam filtering, for example, has to be enabled. It's not going to hold your hand like WHM for setting up SpamAssassin, DKIM/DMARC, etc. Some of DA's features remind me of Webmin in a sense that because it runs on everything, you have to know a little something about the config files you're working with. I hope some of these scripts get integrated to further "complete" DirectAdmin's ease to use. I don't mind third party scripts, but I feel safer knowing I can bug the DA developers for commercial support, and not have to hop on IRC and interrupt some freelancer god because your tasks rely on his/her easy button and it's broken. To use DirectAdmin, you need to be a direct admin. This is going to thin out a lot of companies that don't have an intermediate knowledge of how their server works.
-- Migrating cpmove Backups Ah yes, the backups. I know there's a lot of great cPanel migration coming in the latest DirectAdmin release (the reason I'm on Beta/RC). It's looking like a smooth process, but it's still going to require some work right now. We'll need to still worry about basic things like username length differences, path updates if your sites are using certain directories, and if you're using multiple hard drives or partitions, I believe you need to symlink them from /home to whereever they really live (CentOS). I know the first question I had about moving backups, is where do I put my other hard drives to work with DirectAdmin, and it seems like a manual trick right now rather than telling the web interface "Also install on /home2". I just updated to the latest latest DirectAdmin beta and will be trying the new cPanel migration tool changes soon. I know migrating by hand isn't an option for a lot of people, and third party support companies are about to become rich (I see you, Bob!).
-- DirectAdmin Security This is where you really need to know what you're doing. DirectAdmin installs a very basic setup - there's no default SSL enabled so you'll immediately need to change passwords after you set up your certificate, or LetsEncrypt, etc. I know LetsEncrypt is probably the first extra thing you'll want to get running for your sites' security, and even though it wasn't as easy as cPanel, I did it without much fuss from a forum post and it appears to be working and updating just fine. You can also change the default DirectAdmin port, and I suggest that you include with new websites an alias or redirect for "/cpanel" to ":2222" or whatever port DA runs on for you.
-- Addons I re-discovered Installatron (like Softlicious) and it works great with DirectAdmin for those one-click scripts. I think it also does auto-updating and the scripts are nearly all of what you probably have on other addons for cPanel. WordPress, Clientexec, all the goodies. They offer a 45-day trial and installation was a breeze. Again, throw some commands into your Terminal window and you're off to the races. For other addons, you can always install them yourself (rootkit hunter, extra antivirus, etc.) if the addon doesn't exist. Remember, DirectAdmin doesn't want to marry your system. Addons make things easy, but you still need to be somewhat of a server administrator. I mean, it's in the name... Direct Admin.
-- Issues From Clients We immediately noticed a few things once the migration went live and DNS updated. Non-tech users have a lot of trouble with port numbers. Having them type an address and then say "Now add :2222 to the end of it and hit enter" over the phone is just impossible for old people. Plus, it sounds funny when you say it (tu tu tu tu). I've had them type 22, 222, one person used a semicolon (how nice of them!). Having an alias set up for those /cpanel habbits is a must. For /webmail, with Roundcube installed everything worked as expected. The Roundcube login (/webmail) is not mobile friendly, whereas the cPanel WebMail passthrough is.
The DirectAdmin (non-cPanel) interface is very confusing to new users, but the upcoming 'Icons Grid' theme from DirectAdmin and the ability to see all icons (Admin, Reseller, User) is going to change the game. If you saw the DA demo and ran away screaming, you need to come back and check this new theme. It's literally going to change the way you think about DirectAdmin, and whatever is easy for my clients is easy for me. I don't care about my interface, I care about theirs. This theme almost makes DirectAdmin a new product to my users. I'm so happy with this that I didn't have to create one myself and maintain it.
DirectAdmin defaults the IMAP/Mail etc. settings to be mail.your-domain.com but even in the cPanel days I always used the exact domain for the clients who did not have complex mail setup or their own servers. As long as you LetsEncrypt all the subdomains you need (mail, ftp, etc.) and it's a valid SSL certificate, and you have the server certificate properly set up too, your end-users' email won't see a big change. Extra email settings like enabling BlockCracking I wish was presented more out of the box, with more email security features (like cPanel), but I know everything cPanel does I can do myself by hand. The fewer DA email setup features are going to cause some head scratching for new migrations.
-- Moving Forward Most of my cPanel licenses are through resellers like BuycPanel, and I know their prices should be a bit lower than direct, but rather than getting whacked with a giant bill, or having it out with my licensing reseller over these new prices, I'm moving forward with rolling out more DirectAdmin. The Wife grilled up for 4th of July and I ate food while doing test migrations. I've been living in DirectAdmin 24/7 since hearing about the hike at the end of June and I'm coming to terms with it. I will be writing a lot more notes to myself to keep DirectAdmin going and remembering what I did, like having to deal with CentOS firewall issues out of the box from one server provider's image.
Since so much is still required to do by hand, or with a third party script some developer blessed you with for free, I feel like I need to buy a special note taking application. I hope the new influx of DirectAdmin users from this new pricing fiasco brings more native support to DA. Hire these amazing forum users, charge more than $29 per month because you know you're going to get it, especially when Plesk brand switches licensing to match (Oakley is evil!), but give us more features. I'd pay $99/month per server just to get more people working on DirectAdmin. Just don't become evil...
Submitted July 06, 2019 at 02:36PM by zeamp via reddit https://www.reddit.com/r/webhosting/comments/c9z0eg/takeaways_from_migrating_cpanel_to_directadmin/?utm_source=ifttt
0 notes