#is this?? fucked up?? yes but I get to treat fiction as fiction and adapt it in fictional ways : )

[deputy-buck]

Need a Catholic school Hawk/Tim AU set in 1948.

Keep it where Hawk still served in '44 but Tim is younger (Sophmore-Junior year maybe). Since when Tim was 14, Hawk would have been 24-25 in Velletri, Hawk would have to get the teaching gig a year after that at 26. Which doesn't really make sense at all so maybe Tim is just aged down to where he's 2-3 years younger, and it gives Hawk time to get out at 27 and then establish himself as a teacher at 29 by the time Tim reaches his Sophomore year. I'll never write this, why am I doing all the work to make a workaround for age. Going off the suspected age-range given the tennis trophy Hawk got is dated 1936, him being born 1919 or 1920, I prefer 1919 so that's the year I use. And per Tim's enlistment paper, he was born 06/06/30, making him 13-14 in 44' in canon, but in the AU he'd be born 1933 or 1932.

I would love to write it but I don't know how Catholic schools work-

Anyway, history teacher Hawk x student Tim. Tim is a great student already but he goes the extra mile in Hawk's class, he's usually always the first to finish assignments and does extra research on time periods and events that Hawk shows more interest in (maybe he gifts a book to Hawk that way.) Hawk acknowledges it but never makes a show of favoritism like giving extra attention or praise to Tim, no after-class meetings alone in Hawk's classroom or office, NOTHING. But ofc Tim knows the feelings are at least somewhat mutual bc Hawk does look at him throughout the class period. He never makes a big show of that either, no winks or lip-licks or once-overs, he'll take a deep breath though, and blink real slow, maybe the slightest little smile but never enough to notice unless you look as closely as Tim does.

Maybe there's a time that he and Tim are outside, standing side by side in some sort of secluded portion of the courtyard, when Hawk touches him for the first time. Nothing that couldn't be written off as innocent if someone were to see the action. They'd been talking about the project Hawk had assigned that morning. Tim, always eager for more direction from Hawk so that his submitted work will be the best of the bunch, keeps inching closer and closer by """accident"". Hawk places his hand on the boy's shoulder and gently holds him still, and when Tim stops and his breath catches, Hawk slides his hand up Tim's trap to the nape of his neck, squeezing just a little to make Tim shudder and let out a whine. At the involuntary noise, Hawk smirks and runs his nails down Tim's spine, scratching the pristinely ironed white button-up of Tim's uniform, sending goosebumps all along Tim's skin, his legs a little shaky from the smallest touch and Hawk grabs his waist/hip to stablize the boy. Hawk leans down the slightest bit to speak lowly in his star student's ear.

"It's a rather large assignment, but I have no doubt in your ability to blow it out of the water," Hawk digs his fingers into the slight give of Tim's waist, indulging and giving himself something to fantasize about later. "I'll spend the weekend picturing you kneeling on the floor as you work on my project." His project, like this assinment isn't for a grade but for Hawk personally.

Tim thinks about it that night and can't help but touch himself. He'll never look at the Battles of Ypres the same after that day.

That's all I've got-

[mandatory-blog-stop-asking]

thinking about Emma Frost again. let's imagine for a second X-Men matters and my opinion must be shared.

When I was a kid I really respected and liked Professor X. I thought his stances on issues were calm and reasonable and I thought his efforts were, while ultimately fruitless, the best ones in the fictional conversation about inclusivity and race and all that. this is a subtle reference to the fact I only watched the cartoon and the movies as a kid.

When I grew older and learned English I started engaging with the comics and realized that oh, turns out the adaptations are superficial at best and fladerizing at worst, and there's a lot more to Charles than Being Correct. He's actually in fact a scathing critique of control and flawed leaders of good faith ideals, and how you're supposed to grow over those who created the words you use to free yourself from tyranny. Professor X is a jerk, Magneto was right, all that.

But over time I realized how much that erases Emma Frost, villain turned voice of reason extraordinaire.

Emma starts her tenure in X-Men as Claremont's personification of everything that is bad with high society, accosted by Sebastian Shaw, which is that but male. Emma is genuinely awful when Claremont writes her; a GOOD awful, on purpose, but she's not supposed to be relatable. She has her own mutant school, her own team of mutants, her own answer to Cerebro. She's the most genuine Evil Xavier we get for a full two decades. and she's great at it! Even if the hellfire club almost always truces with the X-Men for the sake of fighting a more important battle, there's no question that you're not supposed to root for Emma.

And then in the 90s something changes, Claremont goes away for a second, other people approach the character, and the question becomes, why are we treating her like evil Xavier? She's building community. She's giving a voice to the disenfranchised. She's training them and she's caring for them and at no point is she asking of them things they actively disagree with, which can't be said of Charles. And so starts the process most every X-Men villain goes through: humanization, complexity, redemption. And fuck does Emma redeem herself.

Ten years into not being a caricature of high class, Emma has accrued a tragic backstory, several positive projects in canon, renown as a genius, positive relationships to several characters, and a main team spot in a highly acclaimed, influential run as of New X-Men. A whole new generation of readers introduced to Emma, new powers, new MO, new everything. Other characters are changing drastically, usually backwards, to accompany the movie's success -- Magneto is evil again, Jean goes back to being the Phoenix, Charles is a lot more like Captain Picard. But Emma? Emma gets to keep going. She changes things wherever she goes.

She hooks up with Cyclops, her daughters become their new Cerebro, she becomes the new heavy-hitter, the Hellfire Club becomes more Shaw and Shinobi's deal than hers... obviously, this isn't consistent. She's got low points and moments that don't agree to her new character. But this woman, who started as commentary on how the rich will destroy you for fun, is now a key positive portion of the world because at some point in time, she had a point -- Charles *isn't* the end-all-be-all of the matter of teaching young mutants, Erik *isn't* the best way forward as far as mutant armadas go, there *is* nuance to their dualistic conversation, the dichotomy is only enforced because they're loud, but she can be louder, she can be louder than any of them--

And then Krakoa hits. Yes, there's a full ten years of bad X-Men stories, many of them including Emma, at least one of them including Emma genociding a few Inhumans. But then Krakoa hits, and every character gets a new project.

Cyclops? Seeing the world move on in ways he might not approve of. Wolverine? Being happy, and realizing he means to fight to keep it going. Erik? Charles? Apocalypse?? Seeing how strong their "dreams" are when they compromise, and realizing oh, I am willing to do *anything* to keep this going, quite literally anything, there is no crime predicted by man or god that would be beyond my reach if it meant paradise would not be lost.

Emma? Emma keeps doing what she's been doing from the word go. Keep it fabulous. Keep the children safe. Don't fall for the lies. At some point someone will invade your privacy and try to take everything away from you. Your job is not to simply destroy them. Your job is to showcase to them how this too was accounted for.

Emma, alongside her planning, her alliances, her leading of the resistance, her unfathomable internal strength and her willingness to see the world for what it is, won the war for Krakoa. Charles wanted things to stay the way they were, Erik wanted things to be the way he dreamed they could be, Apocalypse wanted things to impress him.

Emma wanted them to be safe and sound. Emma wanted the children to be safe. And when Krakoa rose and left, now fully developed and having outgrown her as well, she picked herself back up and went to train a new generation.

There's always children to keep safe. There's always a new generation. The work is never finished.

Yes, the O5 have their own version of Xavier's dream fulfilled, but Emma is the only one who managed to keep herself genuine while evolving. In a room with religious zealots, war criminals, villains and ancients evils, Emma could always look at Kitty Pryde and think to herself, look at what we're doing, my friend. Look at what we have to work with. We're not saving them from themselves, we're saving everyone they're willing to sacrifice.

I wish those adaptations would make Emma Frost sound like she does to me. She's not just a third option to the Professor X-Magneto dichotomy. She's a person asking why is this a dichotomy in the first place. She's too busy actually caring about people to bother with the bickering.

For the children, they said when they wanted her to join their little utopia. For the children, she sighed back, realizing that if she didn't say it, quite literally no one else would.

[aristocrating]

hot take: this fandom has a problem with glamorizing jack and kent's addictions

oh. OH. now THIS.

there is soooo much to be said about how jack's addiction is treated at large, as well as the implication that kent would probably have his own problems with addiction (which is complete fanon, but i think it's realistic to consider that)

i've seen this come in several flavors:

1) glossing over it entirely, where it's just ignored. if you write fanfic and you just adapt out the fact that jack is an addict because it's a sensitive subject for you or you have trouble handling it well, sure. more power to you. work with what you got. i will say that a LOT of people seem to not really grasp the ramifications of how addiction works, but neither does the comic so this one is just to be expected. just like, educate yourself. howEVER, i do think it's a real and important part of jack's character and just conveniently forgetting it or going "oh he's fine now, he just drinks at parties now" is WILD to me. not how it works. ask any person who's ever been personally affected by struggles with addiction. he would be dead. or hospital-bound. it's not fun, it's not cute. do your research.

2) the most insidious take i've seen (waaay too often): oh yes jack or kent has a problem with medication and alcohol, but he's not a REAL addict. yes it's bad but it's not like THOSE people. there will be a whole narrative about people calling him a cokehead because it's wrong, he never did any REAL drugs. he's one of the Good Ones. DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW? keep your moralistic puritanical bullshit out of here. "jack would never do that! he would never do drugs!" okay, and what if he did? would you view him as less valuable as a character then? would you automatically dislike him more based on that fact alone? what do you think this implies about the way society treats people with addiction problems? why do you think people asign a hierarchy of moral value to what drugs someone consumes and who counts as a "real" addict? on my desk by monday. jfc.

3) and last but not least, glamorizing drug problems. it's a conglomeration of the previous two points i think, people don't know how to handle the issue of addiction well and also asign moral value to it. personally i think i've seen it come up especially in stories of pimms in juniors or kent's rookie year where he does drugs to cope. and let me just tell you. there is nothing fun or glamorous about it. addiction is taxing for everyone involved. it makes you feel like shit because you lose all sense of control and you also get judged for it from every side. it's a tiring process, it's sloggish and monotonous, you're trapped in cycles of frenzied rushes of substance abuse you can't enjoy, followed by excrutiating boredom that turns into an itch to consume again. it's uncomfortable. it's annoying. it makes you abandon all self-preservation you have because the pain of living becomes more and more unbearable all while your body tricks you into thinking there's only one thing that can alleviate it. and it's so easy to think portraying drugs as glamorous is somehow being supportive, but really you're just being condescending. and ignorant. the only reason i can think of why someone would want to glamorize this is if you're an addict yourself and you're using stories about addiction to cope. in that case, sure. do what you have to to get through it somehow. and everyone else, i implore you once again to think about why people asign moral value to addiction. what is to gain from it? who profits? who is exploited?

i understand struggling to portray addiction well. i understand not wanting to be confronted with it in fandom. i even understand being uncomfortable with it when being confronted with it, because it IS a scary subject. at the same time, i also wish more people understood what addiction is like and why it's important to handle it well in fiction and fandom.

this comic truly took the messiest possible route by introducing a character who explicitly suffered from an overdose and monitors his alcohol intake to... what exactly? what was the point of all that if it was going to be sweeped under the rug? why have a character who opens the door for such a big subject matter only for it to just not be relevant? i'm not saying the author had the intention of glamorizing addiction, but it does leave the unfortunate implication that jack only overdosed for a jab at an angsty plot line, the aesthetics of it, so i'm not surprised parts of the fandom would run with that.

one of the reasons i was drawn to jack's character is because i personally have experiences with alcoholism and addiction and i was surprised to see it come up in such a medium, and i was happy to have an in on the conversation. and it's sooo important to me that treating people with addiction as humans who are deserving of compassion becomes normalized and that the complexities and nuances of addiction are understood. unfort the comic did none of that though, so here we are /shrug

i think you're right and you should say it, 10/10 take, fucking educate yourself peeps

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[teaveetamer]

While I wouldn’t outright call it “social media colonialism” either… I think I can see other anon’s point.

The Edelgard community is at home in their subreddit and their Discord server. Clearly, both platforms and the Edelgard subcommjnities in them, have a culture that is different from Tumblr’s, both of because how the websites work and because of the internal works of this communities itself.

Clearly, they have been attempting to establish a presence on Tumblr as well over the past years, to varying degrees of success (they mostly only interact with each other and seem to look down on other users, judging by various comments in the Discord server as well as publicly on Tumblr itself). Which would be absolutely fine, them as individuals wanting to interact with more people who like Edelgard. I mean, she does have fans on here as well. The thing is, it’s not that. It clearly seems to be a community effort (supported by the fact how they mostly interact amongst themselves) and they very clearly do not want to be here — at least, judging by the more or less frequent complaints about Tumblr, its userbase, and the blatant disregard of Tumblr culture, tagging only being one example.

Yes, Tumblr can be very different from other social media sites. I’m not saying newcomers immediately have to adapt it, or to adapt it fully at all. However, it’s been years at this point, and the Edelgang is still doing this shit, still looking down on the platform and its users (and expressing that), at most regarding them as pawns to assimilate into their own space.

While it might not outright be colonialism, the mindset of it (and by extension, religious mission) is absolutely there (which is kinda ironic due to the hate boner these folks have against a fictional religion).

Oh I 100% understand their meaning, I just want to be precise with the language. Personally I describe it more like… they “Christopher Columbus’d” Tumblr/transformative fan spaces. They showed up late to the party to a community/culture that was already well established, then act surprised when the people present don’t automatically drop to their knees and treat them like kings and saviors and immediately bow to their will. Which is… nothing new unfortunately. IMO they’re doing what straight men have historically always done to spaces (primarily) women and queer folk have built. They mock and deride the spaces (if they’re even aware of them at all) as being worthless, deviant, gross, or a waste of time, but the moment they have tangible value they move in and basically say “alright sweetheart thanks for keeping this warm for us, but now that I’m here you can stop pretending like you can make something and let me lead”.

And it’s frustrating because that ALWAYS means that the people who were already there get pushed to the margins or pushed out entirely, because no one sees the value in them. Just in what they built. I think it is VERY telling that people in their community who actively used Tumblr tried to teach them how to integrate into the culture more smoothly and they basically told them to go fuck themselves.

Believe it or not we LIKE tumblr and the way it works. If we wanted to use a space that worked like Reddit then we would just go use Reddit. So no we don’t appreciate them marching in and basically demanding we all treat this like Reddit and engage in Reddit Culture on Tumblr. And trust me I’ve used Reddit for a lot longer than I’ve used Tumblr, and I’ve used Tumblr for a long time now. I know what this looks like.

[lord-of-the-ducks]

I’m so glad that people on tumblr are reading Dracula and making memes about it because I’ve been STARVED for Dracula memes for literal years. I have to scour the internet for groups specifically dedicated to the book (and not the god awful 1992 movie, I’ll rant about that another time though) and when I do find these groups and find memes, they’re usually really broad and frankly not very funny. Like, impact font “JONATHAN AT THE CASTLE BE LIKE” sort of thing. I laugh, because my standards are low and I’ve occasionally found some really funny stuff, but I had to actively search for this stuff.

Now hundreds of strangers on tumblr who are infinitely funnier than I am are making memes about Jonathan being a recipe blogger and no joke, I haven’t laughed this hard in years. I also feel like the biggest fucking nerd on the planet because as soon as I see a joke/meme that is specific enough that it shows that the OP actually read Dracula and knows what they’re talking about, I’m on the floor cackling so much that I can’t breathe. It’s like that one post about chefs going nuts for memes about working at a restaurant. . I’m taking so many screenshots just because I want to have more Dracula memes to show people.

Anyway, apologies for the incoming rant, but I vaguely heard that there was someone throwing a fit over people making Dracula memes and not treating the book seriously, and I’m not sure if that’s true or if it’s just a case of the internet being the internet, but let me make something VERY clear as someone who owns 13 books related to Dracula and even more about vampires in general, and has been doing research on Bram Stoker for pretty much my entire high school career, and will probably be doing so years into the future:

This book is fucking ridiculous.

I’ll talk later this month about why I’m so passionate about it (I already scheduled posts for days I think tumblr is going to go crazy) but anyone who tells you that Dracula is a serious gothic horror novel is lying through their teeth. It’s not. People didn’t start taking it seriously until after Bram Stoker died and the book started getting adaptations. Most of the people I’ve seen call Dracula a literary masterpiece don’t seem to actually have read Dracula, they’re just projecting all their feelings about the most well known monster in western fiction onto the book that created him.

I’ve definitely said this before, but if I accomplish anything in my life, I want it to be making classic literature more accessible. I’m the most anti-gatekeeping anyone could possibly be. But if I see any supposed Dracula veterans being pretentious about it, I am going to gatekeep the FUCK out of them because I firmly believe that anyone who has actually read the book should know that it is fucking ridiculous. I’ll be the first to tell you that this book has massive flaws, from the racism and misogyny and internalized homophobia, to the fact that there are just some bad writing choices like describing exactly how the protagonists found all 50 of Dracula’s boxes in way too much detail. Seriously, I was talking to my uncle a couple months back and he told me that he’s reading Dracula since I like it so much, and first thing I did was reassure him that *yes, that part of the book is boring as hell, it could have been a couple sentences, I promise it goes back to being cool*.

Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you’re enjoying this book wrong. I’ve been making some of the jokes about Jonathan having queer dreams from paprika and being the world’s biggest wife guy for years, and it warms my heart to see people who are also finding those things funny. Even if it’s not high brow or whatever, you’re still engaging with the text. And if you are having trouble understanding the 125 year old language, there is no shame in looking things up. There’s a sparknotes study guide with a summary for each chapter, along with character descriptions and analysis, and if you think that would help you, go for it! If you think an audiobook would help you, there’s a bunch of free ones on YouTube since Dracula is in the public domain, and I’m sure you could also find some on other platforms. There’s also an excellent summary done by Overly Sarcastic Productions over on YouTube, and while I do have a couple nitpicks, it’s really funny and engaging and FUN FACT! THE ENTIRE REASON I READ DRACULA WAS BECAUSE THAT VIDEO MADE ME WANT TO! I read this book for the first time already knowing what happens because it’s much easier for me to read older texts when I don’t need to worry about figuring out what the hell is going on!

(Side Note: I didn’t name myself after Red on purpose, but when I realized that I had given myself the same name as the youtuber who introduced me to my favorite book ever and made me fall in love with literature in general, it made my name so much more meaningful)

I know I’m not the only Dracula veteran who feels this way too. I’ve seen so many people who this book means a lot to expressing excitement at the fact that so many people are reading and genuinely enjoying it, and I’m sure if any of them saw someone being an asshole about it, they would not hesitate to drag them through the mud.

This post was longer than I expected, but I just wanted to express how much I love all the memes and that I’m going to unleash my full fury on anyone who has the audacity to suggest that it’s not the ���correct” way to enjoy Dracula. Also, if it isn’t clear, I also have a lot of pent up rage at people who shame others who need audiobooks or study guides

[dreaminginvelaris]

A Response to a Feyre Anti

I made a post recently explaining the dread of having to watch Feyre be abused by her sisters and father, in the Tv adaption. And a Feyre anti made a response, to something that should not be criticized at all considering what I said was just the truth? Feyre was abused. Not only that but they went on and completely twisted the narrative to fit their own ideas and in the process made Feyre out to be cruel and Nesta a saint. complete bull.

I will not be tagging the anti bc they have me blocked (shocker), but also I do not want anyone to go after them, if you come across the post, I don't want it to be through me. it's as much respect I can give to them.

I usually do not respond to those who have something to say with a post of mine or are blatantly talking about me on their blog, unless they're just spreading absolute lies about me or what i "said", it's usually a waste of time to do so. but this post attacked Feyre with outrageous lies and a complete backward interpretation of what actually happened in acotar, so as respectful as I can be, I will be analyzing the anti-response and what truly happened in acotar.

"the audience will only see two sisters fighting-not abuse" "it’s not Nesta you need to worry about. It’s audiences calling Feyre a big dumbass and a bitch" -from anti

if the audience has basic human compassion and empathy for humans IRL or fictional, they will see what's obvious from the start. Feyres abuse. how is it going to look, when they see Feyre walking through the woods, shaking from the cold, starving from hunger, and struggling to find food for her family? only to later see Nesta's treatment of Feyre?"

in the anti's post, they said Feyre was just as "heinous" to Nesta.

is Feyre the one calling Nesta a pig? a smelly pig? ordering her to take her clothes off?

no, it's not, it's dear Nesta. the text goes as "I took my time, swallowing the words I wanted to bark at her" oh yes... how cruel of Feyre. how heinous of Feyre to...stay quiet... at the verbal abuse.

in the same image we see Feyre ask Nesta to do something (kindly might I add) and then inquire why she didn't chop wood like she needs to.

what does Nesta do? acts like a brat and insults Feyre...once again.

considering I'm going off by the story and not the actual screenplay, and assuming they stay true to the story; will the audience not be disgusted by Nesta's behavior? I mean they just saw Feyre struggle to find food and they expect Feyre to go home to a family happy and appreciative of Feyre but instead, they get this familial abuse.

the anti said Feyre basically tells Nesta this:

"If you keep bitching at everyone like this no one will want to be around you or you can’t marry this guy because you’re a waste of space to me"

but what do we see?

"Believe me... the day you want to marry someone worthy, I'll march up to his house and hand you over. But you're not going to marry Tomas."

the word worthy, did that not catch your eye? Feyre said Nesta will have to marry someone worthy, someone, who will treat Nesta kindly and give her the life Feyre thinks her sisters deserve. bc Feyre does think that IDK why anti feyres think Feyre despised Nesta so much, Feyre loved her sisters.

what the anti fails to realize here is that Nesta marrying Tomas would have been actually pretty great for Feyre. in the sense that, Feyre would no longer carry the burden of her sister. Feyre would not have to worry about feeding one more mouth. or worrying about Nesta's constant stealing of Feyre's money. Feyre does not think Nesta is a "waste of space" to her, if she did, it would have been easy for Feyre to discard Nesta, and allow her to marry Tomas. the anti has that twisted.

but that is not even the worst part of the scene. did you see the shameless slut-shaming that came out of Nesta's mouth? how will the audience take to that? do you think most of the younger generation will take it lightly to see a sister slut-shame a sister? a woman putting down another woman? in this social climate? where the feminism movement is alive and flourishing. will they be okay with it? will they still blame Feyre and be mad at her the way the anti says they will be? I hope not otherwise I'm losing faith in humanity.

Lovely words Nesta spews at Feyre. I admit Feyre should have told her then and there that Tomas is abusive. but let's think: Feyre is 19 years old, the youngest, has never had any raising by a parental figure, has been neglected by her whole family, where would Feyre learn to calmly talk to an overgrown brat like Nesta? Feyre telling Nesta who Tomas truly is the duty of a parent, not a sister. I will not condemn Feyre for not knowing that was the perfect time to tell Nesta who Tomas is. especially when Feyre is being tormented and verbally/emotionally abused, its kinda hard to think about something else while you're being told all these horrible words. to us its easy to see where Feyre went wrong but unless you're in the exact position Feyre was in. no one has any room to talk. and even then, every person is different in situations like these.

this part was me analyzing the interactions between Feyre and Nesta since anti had reasons to believe Feyre was just as bad to Nesta and that the audience would see that and hate Feyre. I am now going to respond to the second part of the Feyre Anti's response.

"How will an audience of non-fans react to her not reaching out to her family to tell them she was okay after the reconciliation between her and Nesta? Or not inviting them to the wedding?"- from anti

moving onto acomaf now.

Idk maybe the audience will see Feyre, a depressed, lonely, individual in an abusive relationship while being manipulated by other individuals she called friends, and understand and empathize with her. all throughout the beginning and half of acomaf, Feyre is in critical depression. she wholeheartedly believes she should not be alive. that she is not worthy. she doesn't eat, all she does is sleep, self-care is not important to her or others so why would letting a family know she's okay, a family who BARELY ever cared about her, be a priority? it doesn't seem like Nesta or elain or her father was really fazed by Feyre's lack of communication. her father left on a trip, elain got engaged and Nesta, well we didn't see a tearful welcoming to Feyre on Nesta's part did we?

anti, where is the outcry of her "family" not even really caring if Feyre was safe or not, of what happened to her? it's not like they thought she had died, otherwise, where was the mourning or funeral? no, they just didn't care.

see this is where I know when anti is just full of bullshit. why, WHY, would Feyre invite her family to wedding full of fae? the creatures elain and Nesta fear and hate? for all the talk many anti's spew about Feyre being inconsiderate to Nesta, to her family, you would think Feyre maybe just knows a fae wedding would be the last thing they would want? even then, does Feyre owe them an invitation to her wedding? does she owe them an update on her life? nope. Feyre owed them nothing.

"How about her shit-talking Nesta to a bunch of strangers then having the audacity to ask her to get involved in a war. Oh! This is after she comes into her house and insults their hospitality." - from anti

I hardly think Feyre confiding in individuals who she learned to care about and laying out all the trauma Feyre endured with her family is "shit-talking" but for argument's sake, let's say it is. I still don't see what's wrong? after years of pent-up anger and hurt, would you not let go of everything you withheld inside and explain what was done to you? how you felt? Feyre telling the IC her life story, which contains Nesta's abuse and her family's neglect, was a form of therapy for Feyre. I never read a line where Feyre calls Nesta a "cold-hearted bitch" or called elain "a lazy ditz" she just said the truth. no added embellishments. Cassian was the one who shit-talked Nesta during the dinner scene, never Feyre.

I still don't understand why antis are so against Feyre asking her sisters for help? like the war didn't involve them? they're humans, and you know what the war was about? Hybern wanting to take control of the human lands like they once did and turn them into slaves. those humans included Nesta and elain.

"They could have left the continent" correct, except elain was engaged and refused to leave Grayson. which meant Nesta refused to leave elain. but even so, isn't it the duty of humans to band together and work to overthrow a race of people who want to torture and keep them as slaves? the queens certainly weren't doing their jobs. Feyre asked to use "their" house to meet the queens bc where else would they do it? the queens trust the fae less than Nesta or elain did. but even so, Feyre asking to use their house was a courtesy, that house is rightfully Feyre's. she is the one who sacrificed herself to leave with Tamlin. she did it bravely, courageously, and they got that house thanks to her. they owed Feyre everything. and the only one who acknowledged that was Elain.

that war involved elain and Nesta whether they or Feyre or the anti's liked it or not. not even considering that Nesta and elain are Feyre Archerons sisters, yeah, their family name alone puts a target on their back.

How did Feyre or the court insult Elain's and Nesta's hospitality? You mean when Feyre realized human food differed from fae food? something she did not know about bc she's barely been turned to fae and only had eaten fae dishes? Feyre's grimace towards the human food was an involuntary reaction to someone who is still learning their new body. or was it when Cassian called out Nesta for her cold treatment towards Feyre? if that's the case then fuck decency, I would call out a fake bitch in my presence from minute one. you cant call what Nesta did "hospitality" when all she did was insult Feyre when she didn't even care that Feyre had died, or lost her love bc of abuse, or that her body was changed against her will.

hospitality: the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.

did y'all read something different bc this for sure was nothing Nesta gave to her guests?

----

the rest of the anti post moves towards Rhysand and his actions UTM which I won't go into because I'm mainly just addressing the false interpretations this anti had to say about Feyre and her family.

I'm not sure how to sign off now lol, but I guess just that I hope this was enough to show how this anti's arguments were completely ludicrous and have absolutely no compassion for Feyre, and instead all the compassion for Feyre's abusers. This anti had a real spin on what the actual story was, and I hope the evidence I provided was enough to show that. Anyways yeah my brain is fried, and I'm done arguing with Feyre anti's for a while now, I need to go praise my queen Feyre so I can receive some semblance of peace.

anyways, stan Feyre for clear skin xx

[gentleoverdrive]

(224/?) A new goddess emerged from the mist, she took the blade from my wrist!

Right, let's talk about Hyouka...

(this is how much of the series looks in general, because the Kyoto Animation peeps extensively plan their production cycles) ---- Hyouka is a series based on (and taking the name of) the first of a series of mystery novels called "Classic Literature Club", written by one Honobu Yonezawa, that takes place in the sleepy fictional town of Kamiyama (which is the city of Takayama in all but name). While it might easy to say "If you've played Persona 4, you get the gist of it", it's kinda not like that at all. For one, there is no murderer on the loose. What's there, though? A lot of small mysteries to uncover. ---- Whenever I see a new anime with the same old "Middle School or High School" setting, I tend to be on my guard. I've been through the same ol' song and dance too long as an anime watcher, so it's easy to want to keep your distance. Hyouka, however, manages to use the high-school setting to inject the mysteries with a surprising amount of endearing investment, especially given the "low stakes" of almost all of them. ---- The series has the stable of usual suspects when it comes to the cast for a mystery series that borrows a lot from the old canon, we have our "Sherlock Holmes"...

(yes, his social skills are as terrible as the OG; how can you tell?) ---- ...one Houtarou Oreki, a disaffected young man that lives by a very simple creed: "If I don't have to do it, I won't. If I have to do it, I'll make it quick." Unfortunately for our lazy anti-social boy du jour, he has his own Mycroft Holmes in the form of his older sister, who cajoles him into joining her old stomping grounds, the Classic Literature club, and when he gets there to submit his application, lo and behold...

(this is her at her most physically threatening) ---- ...he meets one Eru Chitanda, a girl with a kind personality, many incredible talents, and the curiosity of someone around half her age. She's like the one client that will always come back to ask for help. Rounding out the main cast we have our John Watson.

(the faces this posh boy pulls absolutely make this show) ---- ...the foppish Satoshi Fukube, a boy looking for some exciting shenanigans and the predisposition for facilitating the involvement of the club in said shenanigans if Miss Chitanda up there isn't able to budge our lazyboi out of his self-imposed stupor. And whenever there's a Holmes and a Watson, a Lestrade is not far be--wait...

(I'm mostly playing this up for the post; she's awesome too) ---- ...really? Ok, well there you have it: Rounding out the main quartet, this tiny firecracker here is Mayaka Ibara, a hot-blooded gal that also brings to the club's attention all sorts of mysteries and curiosities that they can sink their collective teeth into. ---- And while I mentioned a bunch of names and how they serve as spins of sorts on old characters from the Sherlockian canon, the series itself is a weird mix between the aforementioned low-stakes mysteries and the sort of slice-of-life occurrences that could liven things up for high-school aged kids in what has historically been one of (if not the one) the most isolated places in the Japanese mainland. ---- Quiz Contests involving a huge chunk of the school?

You got it! ---- Eating toast with jam on a lazy weekend morning, bedhead included?

You betcha! ---- Angry emotional outbursts for reasons that I highly recommend you to go watch the show and not make yourself a disservice?

Abso-fucking-lutely. ---- The series goes out of its way to treat the audience with enough respect that the solutions to the mysteries never feel insulting, the framework necessitating the stakes to remain "low" also ends up adding a lot of strength you wouldn't expect, and the emotional scenes will get your old ticker wondering what's going on. ---- All of this courtesy of Kyoto Animation at the absolute top of their game in all aspects, with scripts adapted to near-perfection and the direction always leaving that sensation of just wanting to see a little more. I amply recommend it! See ya' later, alligator!

[angelgrovehighschool]

My problem with my sister is that she constantly uses my brothers death … she like dramatizes it and invokes it to get what she wants. She literally will use it to like end arguments. And she talks about how him being on drugs traumatized her when like, she really didn’t know about it until by the time he was dead … I like lived through that shit I lived with him

My brother and I were the two that were like, outsiders, weird, different, not just in my immediate family but like of all of us. When I lost him I truly became like the black sheep in a way that I never had been my entire life. Just by myself and an outlier and a disappointment.

My main issue is that everyone in my family has their own adaptation of the events of my brothers life and death that they use to serve their needs and it actually makes me fucking sick. Like it is a deep, festering rage that I don’t know if I’ll ever move past 😂 and each of their versions of events is so fucked up and distorted …

And idk it’s just like he’s dead, and beyond the fact that that relationship is gone I feel like the reality of what happened is now just a memory in my head … I guess it’s in all of our heads, but because the way the story has been bandied about, the official record of my brother is like fan fiction .

Sooooooo yes I have a fucking beef with my family members … and saying I don’t treat them well cuz I called my sister a cunt is just like … idk it’s more than just one thing iykwim

[thelovelyghostwriter]

Some of my favourite female characters in fiction

This list is not exhaustive and while I do have other characters that I find charming and that I love, I have noted these characters because in my opinion, they have struggled and/or there is a certain analysis to their personalities. 

Please take note that some of the characters are not morally good or have done questionable actions. This is not to discuss or say they are role models, but rather to write up what they represented, their role in the story or simply their personalities. I’m not here to justify the character’s actions.

Remember that a well-written characters do not have to be morally good. 

Also, a lot of them are from memory and the analysis aren’t well-structured. 

Let’s dive in:

1. Daisy Buchanan from The Great Gatsby

Daisy, in my opinion, is incredibly misunderstood and unjustifiably hated among the readers. Her betrayal to Gatsby is indeed vile and it did upset me, I definitely think that she is materialistic, shallow and hurtful.  

“I hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.”

Daisy did shit on Gatsby [trying to avoid spoilers here].  

However, I do like to note that I think part of her materialism and shallowness is because of how women were in the 1920s. They did not have any freedom or agency. To Tom, she seems to be a trophy wife for him to keep; and to Gatsby, he only liked the idea of her, he wasn’t in love with her. To everyone around her, she was an item, a beautiful doll to be possessed, rather than a person. I think that’s why she turned out like that. 

She's materialistic because men around her sees her as an object. Nonetheless, Daisy is still “careless” and hurtful; and I think this stemmed from the life she had led that were a compilation of choices that were made for her. Her betrayal towards Gatsby is what makes her character rather disappointing to most readers. The whiteness in her dress as described in her first appearance? It’s not innocence, but rather a void and jadedness. 

2. Neon Nostrade from Hunter x Hunter

Yet, another girl in our list that loves to be hated by the fandom. Though honestly, most of her haters are Chrollo and Kurapika stans who gets jealous because Chrollo got to hang out with her and Kurapika works under her. Also her repulsive hobby - although this is actually what makes me like her. 

I have addressed this in my other posts before, but let me just copy and paste them (and modify a bit):  Her upbringing and exploitation by her dad makes her materialistic and emotionally detached. This materialism and detachment is manifested in the form of her hobby as a dead body parts collector. But other than that, she’s really a normal girl, just sheltered and spoilt. The money she spends are even from her talent Lovely Ghostwriter, her father will be nothing without her. So I don’t see an issue with her spending them on shopping etc. 

In fact, I would argue that she bathes in materialism to fill the emptiness that she has. Her father is more concerned with her ability and power, she has no friends and is guarded 24/7 by employees.

All the times she threw tantrums and the way she talks… it’s a different speech pattern altogether when she interacts with Chrollo - which may suggest that the whole spoilt attitude is exaggerated to gain attention from a father who is indulgent in terms of material gifts, but not in terms of affection and time for her.

When Eliza cried, she was willing to forgo bidding the auction physically. Yes she did not care about the bodyguards because she is more focused on the living and the present (Eliza) than the dead.

The reason why she didn’t seem fazed when Dalzollene and the others died is because a) they were her bodyguards, it’s their job to put their life on the line to protect her, b) she mentioned to Chrollo that her fortune-telling is for the living, she likes to live in the present and doesn’t believe in the afterlife.

Neon is more focused on who is alive, rather than the dead (which also represented by her hobby of dead body parts collecting). She focuses on the present, unlike her clients who likes to know their future or people who dwell in the past. Kurapika on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He dwells on the past and likes to focus on his dead clan rather than the present times with his friends (which is completely understandable).

Another significance is that her fortune-telling ability is very useful and helpful, she says that she wanted to make people happy with it; but however, it is commercialized and used as a means of power (knowledge of the future = power) by her father and pretty much everyone around her. Just like how she objectifies dead people by collecting their parts, the people around her sees her as a tool due to her fortune-telling abilities, rather than see her as a person. Even Kurapika chose to get employed under her, for his own agenda (he is bound to meet dead body parts collectors at some point). 

She treats people like objects because people see her as one.

Of course, collecting dead body parts is a pretty fucked hobby; but what she represents and her role as a minor character is what makes her an outstanding minor female character in the show. 

Yes. She has traits that are not your typical role model, but neither are other hxh characters. She’s not independent, naive, can’t fight, in need of saving, uncaring at times and spoilt. She is far from so-called “strong female character” that we often look up to. She is a character with bad traits which is a result of being a victim. But that’s what makes me love her as a character in hxh. It reminds us that there are girls out there who has lack of freedom and control over their own fate; and their only way out is through materialism and detaching themselves from people. 

In fact, she might be even relateable to some people more than other female characters because there is vulnerability in her character.

3. Hua Mulan (Mostly the Chinese 2009 film, though the most well-known is the Disney 1998 animated film)

There has been various adaptations for this character, with the Disney Animated version being the most prominent.

However, my favourite one is definitely the Chinese film Hua Mulan: Rise of A Warrior (2009). It portrays the horrors of war and the suffering it brings, nationalism, camaraderie among the army - all while giving us the admirable Mulan climbing up to the ranks of being a war general.

I highly recommend this adaptation. I know the Disney Live Action 2020 version did not receive good reception, and we honestly did not need one because this 2009 Chinese film does the job well (I like their soundtrack though). It's not really well-known because it's a Chinese film (which is hella ironic because Hua Mulan is a Chinese character? Lmao).

"Today we will stain the battlefield with our blood. Behind us is our homeland. If we have to bleed out our last drop of blood, if we have to become bleached bones in this desert, we must defend it to the death! We must let the Rourans know we Wei warriors will never surrender and will never compromise! Soldiers may rebel against me, generals may leave me for dead, but I, Hua Mulan, will never betray my country!"

Generally, I either have an issue with strong female characters because they are just shallow (meaning they are only physically strong, often viewing rudeness, misandry and independence as strength). I like female characters who are so much more to that.

Mulan, in this film, not only showed her badassery in fighting the war for more than a decade, but we also see how much she struggled. Everytime her comrades die, her heart gets broken. Yet she has to learn how to pick herself up and become the leader that they need. She dislikes war, she dislikes the bloodshed; yet she fights for her country.

To me, a strong female character is not just a feminist icon or someone who can fight. In fact, a female character doesn't need to be someone capable of fighting, what makes her strong is to be able to overcome turbulence with determination.

I think this is something that is lacking in recent "strong female characters" - showing us their strength through perseverance.

As for the Disney's counterpart (talking about the 1998 film here), it is less morbid but we also see her trying her best to make her family proud and protect her country. Like the song Reflection and Loyal, Brave and True, she struggles with finding her purpose and her role in her family.

"The greatest gift of honour, is having you for a daughter."

4. Blanche Dubois from A Streetcar Named Desire

It's been years since I had analysed Blanche, but among all the 6 books that I had to study for English Literature, A Streetcar Named Desire has been my absolute favourite.

I think what struck me in this book is not just the style, but Blanche's vulnerability. Her actions are definitely not morally good: she misrepresents things, she lies, she even had sex with an underage student. She's paranoid, mentally unstable and prissy. Which was why, her polar opposite character, Stanley, is so annoyed with her.

After her husband's suicide, we see Blanche relying on the company of men to fill the void of her loneliness and misery. She is also concerned about her beauty fading with age - I find that highly reliable. It sounds incredibly "vain", but beauty does play a part.

Based on Evolutionary and Mating Theories among humans, appearance in women are especially important (also for men but not as much as women). Of course, there are other factors and traits that people find attractive, but Blanche's concern is valid here. She needs to find a husband to escape from her financial troubles; and her age, beauty and chastity plays a huge factor in her search for getting a man in the setting she was in (which was Mitch in this case). Ironically, these are the very traits that she has "lost" and so desperately tries to hide it.

Her ending is truly a devastating and upsetting one. [Will not talk about it due to spoilers]

"I've always depended on the kindness of strangers."

5. Haibara Ai/Shiho Miyano from Detective Conan

Perhaps one of the girls that is a wasted potential. In a series where the characters are mostly flat, she's arguably the most multi-faceted (but somehow I had heard that she no longer has the same complexity as she used to have - it's been a while since I followed this series).

But I remember absolutely loving this character.

Her background story is really unique in the show and one that is embedded within the Black Organisation plotline (why her character was dropped... Forever frustrating for me).

From the moment she was first introduced, we see Conan taking an immediate distrust towards her. A guy who is a detective who had been catching criminals - yet one ex-syndicate member stands before him. The one that actually helped to develop the APTX4869 that changed his life.

Yet, we see that it wasn't entirely within her control. Both her parents were syndicate members and when her sister tries to get both of them to leave, her sister dies.

Ai starts off as seemingly cold, pessimistic and avoidant. But as her arc goes on, the iceberg around her melts. We see her quirky sarcastic replies, her taste for fashion and she genuinely desires to be happy. Her relationship with Conan developed into a beautiful one - to the point where Conan trusts her with anything and they would risk their lives for one another.

Yet, we also empathies with her impending jealousy and heartache. The boy she has fallen for already has someone else. What's more, the girl is genuinely kind and is a splitting image of her sister. After Ran saved her from Vermouth, she quickly warms up to Ran as well.

She's also the key to developing the antidote for Shinichi to be back with Ran - an almost painful metaphor for her to give him away (he never belonged to her in the first place). Yet, she doesn't really stop them from being together (even though in some cases she appears jealous or phrase ShinRan's reunion as a word of caution).

I definitely think she is the most compelling character in Detective Conan because of her character development and the struggles she faces. It's definitely upsetting that her character has been neglected.

“Don’t judge people from the outside. Like any rose has thorns, the more the person appears nice on the outside, the more you should doubt the inside.”

6. Misato Katsuragi from Neon Genesis Evangelion

Who is the best female character in Eva? Asuka or Rei? My answer will always be Misato, Risato is a close second (I wanted to analyse Risato, but I’m trying to keep it to one person per series). Misato is one of the 90s anime babes. She definitely captivated many people’s heart. 

I must say though, I have a soft spot towards female characters who has some sort of daddy issues (why I like Neon Nostrade). It’s been a while since I had watched Eva, but I’m going to try to remember why I like her. 

I think the concept of Hedgehog’s Dilemma has been echoed throughout the series, and all the characters seem to struggle with emotional attachment towards people. I actually like to phrase the Hedgehog Dilemma as “Avoidant-Fearful Attachment Style” - wanting connection with people, yet not being able to do so out of fear of being hurt. 

For Misato, when I initially first watched Eva, I compared her a little to Blanche Dubois in how they cope with loneliness - their sexuality. I remember being confused with her interactions with Shinji, who was half her age. At times, she serves as his guardian/mother figure; but at some moments (I think it was sometimes after Kaji’s death), she tried to seek comfort with Shinji by attempting to initiate sex (which Shinji rejects). I remember coming across a comment somewhere that Shinji and Misato’s relationship is somewhat like Humbert and Dolores (from Lolita) - can’t comment on this as I only read the first chapter of the book. 

It makes me think that she uses sex as a way to cope and the only way she can connect with people (and it’s superficial), which doesn’t work for Shinji because she needs to be her guardian (and ultimately fails to be purely his guardian once she crossed that no-no boundary). 

Another thing to note was her backstory about her dad. There seems to be a dissonance, given that she resented her dad for not spending time with her due to his work, but he ended up sacrificing her life for her. I do think it’s a bit of guilt (because resenting her dad but he saves her - these two contradicts one another). It’s clear that her issues to connect stems from her backstory regarding her father. 

It’s interesting how she compares Kaji to her father. I do think she loves Kaji, but “reminds him too much of her father” (as to put it simply). There is this... stereotype that we find someone similar to our opposite-gender parents, no matter how shitty they were towards us. I believe that it is because we tend to stick to something that is familiar to us, even if those type of people aren’t good for us (I think to break this cycle is to practise self-awareness and know what is good for us). 

Anyway, Misato is a character that I really liked (as all the characters in Eva) because they highlight Hedgehog’s Dilemma that stemmed from their parental issues. Maybe I have not watched a lot of anime, but female characters with issues with their fathers are not as explored deeply as male characters and their parental issues. A lot of times, female characters (especially in shounen) serves as a romantic interest and yes they can have really sad backstory, but not issues towards their father and how it affects their relationship with other people. So far, the only ones I had seen is Mukuro (Yu Yu Hakusho), Misato and Neon Nostrade. 

7. Disney's Cinderella

First of all, she has been a victim of abuse since she was a child. It's not easy for her to escape her predicament. Where can she go? It's not that easy.

Boy. I hate how much people remember Cinderella wrongly and attack her for being "backwards", which is actually factually wrong.

Cinderella always get flack for using the Prince to "escape" her predicament when "she can do it herself".

I say that's bullshit. I actually came across a youtube video: Cinderella Stop Blaming the Victim [please check it out for more in-depth analysis]

Despite all that, she's doesn't internalize it. She knows she doesn't deserve to be treated this way, and she does to a certain degree stand up to them (whenever the cat makes her tasks harder). She knows when to fight back and restrain herself because it might endanger her life.

After years of suffering in this domestic household, she remains kind, compassionate and hopeful. Which is not an easy feat. The problem is, these traits are often seen as feminine and synonymous with being weak. But it is actually, in fact, signs of strength. The mental fortitude she has to remain kind after all she went through is a sign of strength.

The Fairy Godmother only appeared when she was losing hope - take note that she ends up crying because her stepsisters tore her mother’s dress (which is the most disturbing scene in the film). 

Even I had remembered this wrongly - one crucial fact is that... She did not want to go the ball to nab the Prince. That was her stepsisters. Homegirl just wanted to chill. She did not even know she was dancing with the Prince!

When Lady Tremaine locked her up to prevent her from reaching the Prince, it wasn’t the Prince that saved her. She and her animal friends got her out of the room, and proceeded to prove that she was indeed the maiden that had danced with the Prince. Her marrying the Prince was only a fitting end to her because it provides her a home and an escape from an abusive household; however, it was her resilience for holding onto fate and being mentally strong, and her initiatives partially contributed to her happy end. The Prince is more like a passive character. 

I highly think that people tend to brush her traits - e.g. compassion, having fate, being kind is listed as feminine. However, it is far from being weak, which most people would deem it as. But that is definitely not true. 

“No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish can come true.”

8. Mikasa Ackerman from Attack on Titan

Mikasa is either a hit or miss among AOT fans. Some people like Mikasa because she is physically strong and her loyalty to Eren is admirable. On the other hand, some people think she’s clingy and her being physically strong makes her a Mary Sue. 

Whether or not you like Mikasa, there is a fact that she is not a Mary Sue. The definition of a Mary Sue is a female character lacking in weakness and seems perfect. 

She is physically strong, yes - I believe that Isayama wanted to distribute traits to the trio. Even Hannes has said it in S1. Armin represents intellect, Eren represents grit and Mikasa represents strength. So her being physically strong makes sense, and Isayama also provided an explanation for it (being an Ackerman). 

However, this does not mean she lacks any weakness. Arguably, her loyalty to Eren is both a liability and her strength. This “weakness” has been highlighted by her dilemma between her loyalty towards Eren and her belief that mass genocide is wrong.

[I won’t go into details about the manga parts that have not been animated as of 2021, can’t spoil it too much]. 

[fefeman]

You know, peoples defending the watch and going “Well it’s nothing like the books and that’s great because that give us a whole different stories” or “An adaptation need to change things” seem to treat the adaptation like it’s a fanfic wrote by a particularly “free spirited” writer.

like, the whole “Well its a good story on it’s own” sound a lot like “ Wow, this fic is good and so different from the base plot, you should try to write an original fiction.” 

but I think those peoples forgot: THIS IS  A PROFFESIONAL WORK OF ADAPTATION!  

Which mean the writers had a moral (and yes, moral, because it’s not just about the contract) responsibility toward Pratchett. Books aren’t just a fucking list of plot point and setting to reshape to your liking, it’s a deliberate message by the author. It’s their voice. When you receive a job to adapt a work from somebody, much more than the administrative and legal stuff, you are entrusted with their voice so you can carry it further.  THAT’S  what an adaptation is about. You’re not given a box of figurines to make whatever you want. You’re given a message and the tools that were used to carry it the first time, and you add your own to carry it further.

AND BEFORE ANY DISHONNEST PERSON ACCUSE ME OF WANTING IT EXACTLY LIKE THE BOOK, THIS ISN’T ABOUT THAT.

Every story have elements you can changes or even remove (The time period of Count of Monte Cristo, The exact relationship between Miss Harker & Dracula, the racism in Lovecraft, the exact nature of the apocalypse in basically every apocalypse movies, the age of JJBA characters, etc...) because these are just decorations and tools the author use to carry the message. But there are also part you shouldn’t change. You can make the count of monte-cristo in space if you want (Gankutsuou), but you can’t take away the theme of revenge and hope, the story of Edmond Dantes, etc...

There are a lot of changes that could have been done in the watch that wouldn’t be problems (at least not by themselves). Contrarily to what defendants of the The Watch seem to assume, a lot of those changes had a big support and a lot of peoples would have been pleased if they ended up in the show. For example, black Vimes is fairly popular and a lot of peopels would have prefered this to “Make the dangerous murderer/gang-leader black” (which, need I remind you, is rather racist, especially since Carcer is, in the book, a character about how racists pseudoscience like Phrenology put serial killer in powers.) 

But the issue with the watch is that those weren’t the change we get. Like it’s defendant say, it’s NOTHING like the book. And while it’s said like this is a “refreshing take”, what it really mean is that the writers of the show SUCCESSFULLY ERASED PRATCHETT FROM HIS OWN SETTING. The fact they refused to acknowledge him when thanking those who helped the productions make it clear this was deliberate.

They’ve willfully removed him and his message, doing the exact opposite of what they had to do. Saying “It’s not the same at all” is perhaps the most damning thing you can say about this show. 

IT’S AN ADAPTATION FOR FUCK SAKE! IT’S MEANT SO PEOPLES CAN SEE WHAT THE WHOLE THING IS ABOUT! IF ALL OF IT’S “APPEALS” IS DIFFERENT FROM THOSE OF THE BOOKS, THAN YOU JUST DIDN’T DO YOUR JOB. YOU TOOK THE CHARACTERS AND SETTING AND TREATED THEM AS PROPS FOR YOUR OWN STORY, WITH NONE OF THE RESPONSABILITIES YOU GET FOR WORKING WITH SOMEONE’S ELSE STORY.

TL;DR: “It’s completely different from the books” isn’t a good thing for an adaptations, because even when an adaptation change a lot it should keep enough that you can still see how it is related to the original, in theme and character. If you think this is a praise for an adaptation, then you are the kind of person that shouldn’t be talking about adaptations in the first place.

Also, if you’re still defending the show after they PUBLICLY disrespected the author by refusing to acknowledge him in the thanks... I sincerely want to know what twisted logic you use to ignore what happened.  

[mldrgrl]

How Stella Got Her Groove Back

by: mldrgrl Rating: PG-13 Summary: Just a little something to celebrate spring...and Stella’s birthday!

They left Connecticut in September, with a fair amount of reluctance to go, but they needed to return to the city.  Becca had already gone and though both Karen and Fish insisted they were welcome to stay longer, stay forever if they had to, at a certain point, Hank and Stella had just been missing their loft and their life in New York too much.  Of course, they knew that what they were returning to was not the life they were accustomed to, but they would have to learn to adapt to the new normal.

Winter was long and brutal.  They did spend two weeks over Christmas and New Years back in Connecticut again and that was the first time they’d seen Becca since July, and the last time they would see her until spring.  Karen had tried to coerce them all to stay again and Hank and Stella nearly gave in.  If not for the fact that Stella left a project behind she’d been working on for her classes and if Hank had brought the pages he’d been working on for his new novel, they just might have done it.

When they got back to New York, and in a cabin fever-induced moment of weakness, they hired a landscape architect to design their rooftop terrace and though the noise of construction aggravated the hell out of both of them, they were both pleased with the results.  They now had an artificial lawn of soft green turf, an outdoor patio daybed in the shape of a cube with canvas shades on all four sides, a wet bar, strategically placed heating lamps, and a wood burning fire pit.  Unbeknownst to them, when Fish had heard their plans, he’d called the company they hired, ordered them a charcoal grill, and told the contractor to keep it a surprise.  They were very surprised by the barbeque that was suddenly part of the design, but it looked nice, even if it wouldn’t get any use.

Finding ways to fill the time with nowhere to go and no one to see was extremely difficult.  Neither of them were very much into television or movies.  The terrace, as welcome as it was, wasn’t finished until the end of February.  Stella had the classes she was teaching and the child psychology classes she was enrolled in to keep her fairly busy during the days, but Hank could only write for so many hours at a time and he found that he actually missed helping Fish with the guitar lessons.  He grumbled to Stella that ‘that damn Trout’ bewitched him somehow and then begrudgingly called him up and asked if he could still help out remotely.  Fish was delighted by the request and sent him an iPad and a teaching schedule.  

The close quarters had caused a few squabbles, though nothing major.  They took a few online cooking classes together which produced some mediocre meals and a testy exchange on the appropriate amount that constituted a ‘pinch of salt.’  Beyond that, they managed not to take out any frustrations on each other.

It was April 1st when Stella wandered from the bathroom to the bedroom in her t-shirt and sweatpants, rubbing lotion into her hands and arms.  Hank was in bed, perhaps naked, or perhaps wearing jockey shorts, she couldn’t be sure.  He had his guitar across his lap and his head back so that he gazed at the ceiling while he plucked lightly at the strings.

“Hank,” she said, leaning into the foot of the bed with slightly bended knees.

“Do you think ‘oral’ actually rhymes with ‘clorital’ or is it cheating?” he replied.

“You know that next week is my birthday.”

Hank splayed his hand out on the guitar and looked at her.  “Is this a trick question?”

“Not at all.”

“So, if I say ‘yes, of course, your birthday is April 7th and I already know I’m not to mention it to anyone,’ is that the wrong answer because I’m not supposed to acknowledge it in the first place?”

“I am aware that in the past I have requested that my birthday be treated as any other day.”

“Mmhm.”

“I’ve been thinking that perhaps...I might like to celebrate this year after all.”

“Oh, I get it.  April fools.  You could’ve just put plastic wrap on the toilet or secretly replaced my regular coffee with Folgers.”

“I’m serious.”

“Ah, so the one year it’s impossible to throw a party, you want to have a party?”

“God, no.  Parties are awful.”

“Well, what then?”

“Brunch?  With Becca?  This weekend, or the next, perhaps.  There are more places opening up now.  We could-”

“Absolutely, Sherlock.  Whatever the suggestion, I am all in.”  He pushed his guitar aside and she was mildly disappointed to discover that he was in his jockey shorts after all and not naked. He scooted forward to the end of the bed and wrapped his arms around her hips.

“A walk in the park, maybe?”

“Not sure if my legs remember what walking is at this point, so it’ll be good to remind them.”  He moved his hands down to the backs of her thighs and gave them a squeeze and then cupped her ass.  “Why the sudden change of heart, Sherlock?”

“I’ve just been thinking lately that it’s perfectly acceptable to want to celebrate being alive.  After the year we’ve had.”

“I agree, but as long as I get to have my breakfast in bed in bed that day, I’ll be happy.”

“It’s my birthday, I’m not bringing you breakfast in bed.”

“Oh, honey, you are the breakfast,” he growled, wrapping his arms around her again and pulling her into him as he fell back onto the bed.

*****

The Saturday before her birthday was Easter weekend.  There was no rain in the forecast and Becca was available, so it was perfect.  They took a Lyft to the upper west side and met her at a French bistro that had outdoor seating.  Stella could tell right away that something was bothering Becca, that she was putting on a false front of cheerfulness, which was very unlike her, but if she did know her stepdaughter, she knew the girl could not keep up pretenses for long.

They ordered and waited for their food over bottomless mimosas and miniature ham and cheese croissants served as an appetizer.  It wasn’t cold, but a cool breeze would drift by every so often and Stella was glad she had left her hair down so that her ears were covered.  She wished she’d been a bit more practical though and worn pants.  She’d just felt like dressing up and at the last minute, put on an olive-colored dress with small printed white flowers on it, but at least it was long-sleeved and she had a white sweater.  Becca and Hank were like twins in their matching leather jackets and dark jeans.

“Are you working on anything?” Becca asked Hank.

“Almost finished,” he answered.

“Oh.  What’s it about?”

“A couple that’s been married for fifteen years, but they’re on the brink of the divorce when the pandemic hits and then they go from spending almost no time together to all of their time together and it’s disastrous at first, but then they end up learning a lot about each other.”

“So, they save their marriage?”

“No, they end up getting divorced anyway.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“It’s fiction, sweetheart.”

“People like happy endings.”

“People are stupid.  I didn’t say it didn’t have a happy ending though.  Are you working on anything, Daughter?”

Becca sighed and picked at her nails.  Stella put a hand on Hank’s knee under the table.

“Is something bothering you, Darling?” Stella asked.

“No.  Yeah.  No.  I don’t wanna ruin your birthday or anything when it’s the first birthday we’ve ever celebrated together.”

Stella gave Becca a brief smile.  “I don’t know if your father has told you why I’ve always been rather reluctant to celebrate my birthday.”

Becca shook her head.  Hank stretched his arm out behind Stella’s chair and put his hand on her back.  She gave his knee a squeeze of appreciation.

“My father passed away on my fourteenth birthday,” Stella said.  “So, Darling, you have a high bar to overcome if you think being in a low mood will ruin my birthday.”

“That sucks about your dad, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.”  Stella looked to Hank for a moment and then back to Becca.  “I’ve spent many years trying to ignore the date as though if I didn’t acknowledge it, it’s like it had never happened.  I don’t think I really understood until quite recently that one is capable of being sad and grateful at the same time.  And that life should be celebrated.  Especially now.”

“I guess I’m just...when we were up at Mom’s house, everything was so easy and nice and I had a really hard time writing.  That’s why I wanted to leave.  It was way too peaceful.”

“You know if I had a dollar for every time Becca claimed my shit was fucking her up, I’d be richer than that fucking Amazon guy, and now it sounds like she wants to file a grievance that we’re not fucking her up enough.”

“Am not.”  Becca rolled her eyes.

“Don’t listen to him,” Stella said.  “He’s been so mired with boredom lately he has regular calls with Fish.”

“No!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Hank protested, putting his hands up in defense.  “There was and will only be one bromance in my life and that’s with one Mr. Charles Runkle, that follically challenged motherfucker.  No better pairing existed except for maybe Bert and Ernie, or Sid and Nancy.”

“I think we should let Becca continue with what she was trying to say.”

“Thank you.”  Becca put her hand up as though she was blocking Hank from her view and he reached over and slapped her palm away.  “As I was saying, I left because I thought the serenity was blocking me in some way, but since I’ve been back, it’s like the opposite.  It felt so apocalyptic at first and desperate.  It was like impossible to sit down and put words together when there were so many shitty things happening outside.  What if...what if the next thing I finish, people will be like oh, she was just sitting inside writing while everyone else was dying?”

“There will always be shitty things happening outside,” Hank said.  

“Great advice, Dad.”

“I don’t mean to bitchslap you with reality, but the world being shitty isn’t a reason to give up.”

“I’m not giving up.”

“Good, because you are way more fucking talented than I could ever even hope to be.”

“I just don’t know if it matters.  If anyone should care.”

“Why should you concern yourself with that?”

Becca glared at Hank, clearly annoyed with the answer.

“I know you think I’m being facetious,” Hank said, quickly.  “But, I’m not.  If all anyone wanted to read was about things that ‘mattered’ that 50 Shades of Hot Garbage would never have sold a single copy.  You don’t know why people read what you write.  Maybe they want to escape the shitty things happening in the world.  Maybe they want to laugh or cry or be turned on.  Maybe they just need something to pass the time.”

“Five minutes ago you just said people were stupid for wanting happy endings, now you’re saying I should just give them garbage, if that’s what they want.”

“Yeah, I’m a fucking hypocrite, what else is new, but I just want you to be happy with what you’re doing.  You want me to buy you a new laptop?”

“I’m not twelve anymore.  You can’t just buy my happiness.”

“Worth a shot.”

“Becca,” Stella finally interjected.  “I think it’s obvious by now that your father may possibly be the world’s worst motivational speaker.”

“Or the world’s best unmotivational speaker,” Hank said.  “You see what I did there?  I turned a negative into a positive.”

Both Stella and Becca ignored the comment.

“I think I may understand what he’s trying to say though,” Stella said.  “I’m not a creator, but I’ve been a consumer.  When I was reading for pleasure, I certainly wasn’t reaching for mystery novels.  And I think that...popularity and quality are two different things.  Certainly, one would hope for both, but it isn’t always the case.  I know you and I know that quality is important to you, so perhaps you should only focus on if what you’re working on is the best that it can be and not on whether or not it matters.”

“Can I add something to that?” Hank asked.

“Not if you plan on fucking up everything Stella just said,” Becca answered.

“I’ve done at least a dozen online events this year and at every single one, someone has asked me when the next Rebecca Moody novel is going to be released or they want to know what you’re working on.  I’m not even entirely sure all of them are there to hear my Q&A or if they just showed up because they know I’m your dad and they think you might make a guest appearance.  And if one person takes umbrage with you for creating something during a time of utter hell, fuck them.”

“Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable,” Stella quoted.

“That sounds so much hotter when you say it than George Bernard Shaw,” Hank replied, rubbing his hand across Stella’s upper back.

“Okay, I don’t want to spend this day being miserable,” Becca said, shaking her head and shoulders like she was trying to rid herself of negativity.  “Thank you, Stella.”

“You’re welcome, darling girl.”

“Hey, what about me?” Hank asked.

“There is this jacket I saw online that I want,” Becca answered, cheekily raising one of her eyebrows and tilting her head.

“I’ll text you my credit card number later.”

“Thank you, Father.”

*****

Brunch was followed by a stroll in Central Park and it seemed that at least half of the city had the same idea.  It was interesting being in a place so crowded and yet also so open.  The decent weather and the cherry blossoms in full bloom probably had something to do with it.  What also would have felt strange a year ago, seeing everyone wearing face masks and wearing them as well, was oddly comforting.  When Stella had put hers on that morning before they walked out the door, Hank told her she looked like a sexy brain surgeon or cardiologist, whichever one was smarter or made more money.

When they came upon Bethesda Fountain, there was a small band playing salsa music and a few couples dancing.  Hank tried to imitate the steps and then grabbed Becca’s hand and spun her around under his arm.  She laughed and tried to break free of him, but he pulled her back in and tried to get her to dance.

“Da-ad,” Becca protested.

“Dance with me, Daughter.”

“I don’t dance.”

“You’re no fun.”  Hank let go of Becca’s hand and then grabbed Stella’s.

“Oh, no,” she said.

“Come on, Sherlock.  I know you’ve probably got some moves I’ve never seen.”

“I assure you that’s not true,” she answered, letting him spin her away though and then laughed as he gyrated his hips dramatically as he stepped back towards her.  “Whatever it is that you’re doing does not resemble the salsa in any way.”

“Let me see you do better.”

Stella looked past Hank to the other dancers and mimicked the forward and back steps.  She put a hand on Hank’s chest to keep him at arm’s length and prevent their knees from colliding as he tried to fall into the same step with her, moving forward when she stepped back, and back when she stepped forward.  What he lacked in grace, he made up for with enthusiasm.  As soon as they fell into sync, he grabbed her hand and lifted her other arm in a more formal dance frame like the other dancers had.

What followed was probably the worst and most amateurish version of a salsa that had ever been danced, but Stella laughed so hard it brought tears to her eyes.  When the music ended, Hank stopped and pulled Stella’s face mask down under her chin before lowering his own and then kissing her through both of their laughter.

The dancing couples broke apart and drifted back into the crowd.  Becca went over and dropped some money into the cup on the ground in front of the band and thanked them for playing.  Stella took Hank’s hand and then Becca linked her arm with Stella’s as they continued on.

Later that night, when Stella came out of the bathroom as she rubbed lotion into her hands and arms, she stopped at the foot of the bed and watched Hank read over the latest pages of his novel.  When she was finished, she climbed onto the bed and walked over to Hank on her knees until she was straddling his lap.  He threw his pages down, took his reading glasses off, and pulled her close with his hands on her ass.

“Thank you,” Stella said, as Hank kissed the side of her neck.

“For what?”

“This truly was the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

“Your birthday’s not until Wednesday.”

“Perhaps next year we’ll even be able to invite Karen and Fish to town.”

“We’ll make The Trout christen that barbeque he forced on us.”

“It does look nice though.”

“It really does.  You want your present now, or should I wait until Wednesday?”

“I might be interested in a preview,” she said, sliding her hand down his chest and then into his shorts.  “A little peak at the package ahead of time.”

“You just assumed I was talking about fucking when I said I had something for you?”

“Weren’t you?”

Hank paused and then grinned.  “Yeah, I was.”

The End

[beyondthespheres]

BLACKOUT IN THE RED ROOM

But, I think we have to look at Ilan Manouach's Katz first.

Art Spiegelman's autobiographical comic Maus, a narration of the sufferings Spiegelman's Jewish family had to endure by Nazi Germany in the course of World War II, appears also to be a work known far beyond the medium's borders – and such without ever facing a cinematic adaption.

Moreover was it awarded with a Pulitzer prize, thus making Spiegelman the first cartoonist to receive this kind of honor. Like a duck takes to water, it became part of a canon of values and thereby a target for other artists. On the other hand, apparently the treated subjects presented in Maus, to be read as Judenhass here, make any attack seem extremely tasteless in no time.

Ilan Manouach, being descended of a Greek-Jewish family and taking offense at the attribution of various species of animals to several ethnicities, replaced every animal head with those of cats, and made the otherwise completely unchanged work public by giving it out in Angoulême during Spiegelman's presidency of the comics festival's jury ten years ago.

This subversion of artistry including subsequent action for an injunction may be debatable, but, and out of the purest kind of love, provoking an argument on reinforcing stereotypes was the artistic intention here. A modus operandi which simply makes it art responding to art.

Which the Jim Rugg drawn “parody” cover of Maus for the third and recently pulled back issue of Ed Piskor's torture porn series Red Room is not. With an almost exactly copied typographic concept taken from the first of two books collecting the Maus episodes pre-published in Spiegelman's magazine Raw, it's showing two people awaiting to get tortured in front of a camera for viewer's entertainment and payments.

That's Red Room's single and only plot point, though pretty okay with me, if you're into stuff like that. I too think it hasn't that much to add to the oh-not-so-contemporary-at-all discourse in “violence induced by consuming media and the somber sides of the abyss called internet, connecting people of all perversions capable” - it's just entertaining trash and probably finds fulfillment in that.

BUT, the original cover of Maus stages two mice, which have to be read as Jewish people in the context of Spiegelman's iconography, awaiting the murderous Holocaust. At least the Liefeld cover placed at the beginning of this piece, and I'm pretty sure it's not by Liefeld himself, but a fan photoshopped mash-up, is of an empowering and not degrading character as the one Rugg did for Piskor's series. That the latter got greenlit by Fantagraphics, doesn't make their editorial processes looking good, while having the fight for acceptance of a medium being viewed as childish written on their banner.

Well, after the seemingly in-priced online outrage, Jim Rugg was the only one to drop a convincing excuse. To my knowledge - and I’d love to stand corrected - Piskor did not comment on this emphatic disaster thus continuing to ignore the suffering of people that were murdered in an incomparable manslaughter the world had never seen before and since because of its perfidious singularity showing in an elaborate system of extermination. And, in the light of recent events, it clearly doesn't help to defend Maus against those who have an interest in banning it.

So this might just be a rather thoughtless and dumb joke from people growing up in an environment of Nazis being the villains in countless and trashy incarnations on TV and in comic books, and yes, there was a genre named “Stalag fiction” (Stalag = German abbreviation for 'Straflager', meaning 'dentention camp'), which is dedicated to give in to sexually connoted fantasies happening in concentration camps with abusers, but those were created by Jews, and they had every fucking right in the world to do so. But in the aftermath of the infuriating critique massively brought up, making use of your brain would have been a sexy thing, too.

Because, no matter the amount of blood you're splattering around during desperately trying to walk the edge, in the end it's always turning brown while drying out.

[petri808]

G1+Hakyona Angel/Demon @firiare & @bmarvels

Humans have always thought themselves above other creatures even though they were merely just another species like the rest in nature. In the beginning, those with power or abilities fought against humans, but eventually gave up. They realized it was a pointless endeavor, so for the last 200,000 years, they used their magic to fade into human societies, and the ancient myths became nothing more than fairytales. Contrary to what the human societies had conjured up about ‘mythical’ creatures, the truth behind many of the stories were just that, story’s. Tales designed around them to serve a human’s purpose. A scary demon to frighten peasant subjects into submission or an angelic fairy to soothe away the fears in their hearts and offer salvation.

Life wasn’t always easy for any creature on Earth. One must learn to adapt and change, fit in and move forward. But it could be doubly difficult for a mythic creature trying to blend amongst the humans. Over time, most had developed societies within the human civilizations to watch out for their own, or gathering places where they could be their true selves. Forged bonds were also common between creatures and humans who’s loyalty were not in question. It was all meant to protect both sides, for wherever there is room for fear or misunderstanding, problems are unavoidable. Could one imagine a human being brought up to believe a demon is evil, not freaking out if suddenly they’re bf/gf said surprise, I have horns— probably wouldn’t go over well.

Hak new this well enough, he was a half demon after all. Mother was a demon and father a human who’d served in the military. But if this existence didn’t already come with struggle, his mother died during childbirth, and father during an overseas war when Hak was 4 years old. Luckily for him, a close family friend adopted him knowing full well the family’s genealogy. It was an older gentleman with no children of his own. Mundock, or grandpa Mundock raised him to blend into society. Hak turned into a very smart, athletic, capable young man who after college made a modest living working at a shipping company owned by another demon. It was a comfortable, albeit lonely life, because Hak shied away from romantic relationships.

Not that the ‘tall, dark, and handsome,’ stereotypical male couldn’t get a date if wanted to. Instead, he was afraid of falling in love only to have his heart broken if they couldn’t accept what he truly was. But his best friend Jaeha, a dragon in human form, was the opposite of Hak in many ways. Where he was quiet and naively sarcastic, Jaeha was extroverted and flirty. The man constantly tried to set him up with women. Come on, the man would admonish, let’s do a double and have some fun!

“No! No! What part of no, don’t you understand?!” Hak growled at his friend. “I’m not interested.”

“Pfft, boring grumpy ass...” Jaeha walked away from the couch where Hak was lounging with a video game. The conniving man then noticed Hak’s phone sitting on the kitchen island. Fine, he grinned to himself. ‘Time to take matters into my own hands.’

Jaeha opened the phone easily since he knew his friends password, and downloaded a popular dating app. While Hak was too engrossed in his game, he set about creating the perfect profile to lure in the women. Frankly, it wasn’t very hard. One hot profile picture, check. Bio info, stays in shape, works at a shipping company, hobbies include soccer and martial arts. Looking for, monogamous relationship with a sweet, friendly girl who is open minded. Click, send. Within minutes, the app’s inbox was receiving hits. Jaeha happily screened through them, looking for the right girl he was sure Hak would find difficult to say no to. Because despite his friend’s, ‘I don’t wanna date,’ attitude, he knew what Hak’s type was and that he was lonely.

He scrolled through profile after profile of the women messaging Hak looking at their bio’s. They ran the gamut of types, and not just in looks but demeanor from shy to scandalous. Many were obviously just interested in Hak’s appearance, and after close to 50 profiles, even Jaeha was starting to wonder if this was worth the effort.

That’s when he saw her... A pretty, fiery red head with purple eyes who’s effervescent skin and soft, innocent eyes just pulled you in. Her appearance may have caught Jaeha’s attention, but it was really her bio that solidified it. College educated, works as a primary school teacher, with a love of fantasy arts and stories. Oh, she is perfect!

Jaeha checks to make sure Hak is still focused on his game, then sends off a message to the woman.

‘Nice to meet you Yona. I noticed you’re into fantasy stuff, that’s pretty cool.’

‘Hello, nice to meet you too, Hak. Yeah, I find mythical creatures to be fascinating, so I’m always watching out for nice art or good fiction books about them.’

Jaeha grinned at the message. So far, so good. ‘It’s nice to meet someone who appreciates such things. I’ve done a little research on dragons and demons too.’

‘Really? Why demons?’

‘I think they get a bad rap in the old stories.’

‘Lol. You might be right... I don’t think angels are saints either.’

“Wow...” Jaeha mumbled out loud.

“Wow, what?” Hak looked up, questioning his friend.

Shit! “Oh, nothing. I just noticed you killed that opponent is all.”

“Oh,” Hak’s brow raised in suspicion, but he opted to go back to his game.

Jaeha breathed a sigh of relief. He would have to tell his friend the truth, but not yet. Time to go in for the kill.

‘Yona, would you do me the honor and go out on a date with me? I’d really love to get to know you more. How about this Saturday for dinner, restaurant of your choice, my treat.’

Several minutes pass by, but finally she responded. ‘Okay. Merrimans restaurant on Kilauea avenue at 6pm. Make sure to call in a reservation.’

‘Will do. See you then. Have a great rest of your day, Yona.’

‘Nice meeting you too, Hak.’

Jaeha grinned wide and walked over standing in front of his friend. “Hak, buddy, I gotta tell ya something, so turn that stupid game off!”

“No! So move your ass outta my way!”

“I got you a date.” Jaeha held the phone at arms length with the picture of Yona on the screen for Hak to see it. “Saturday, 6pm.”

“You did what?!” Hak stood up and grabbed his phone from the man’s hand, his blue eyes turning red in anger. “I told you, I’m not going out on a date!”

“Fine.” Jaeha crossed his arms over his chest, but a smug, unperturbed look still on his face. “Then you can be the bad guy and turn her down. Go ahead Hak, be the mean guy who breaks her heart.”

“You son-of-a!”

“Just look at her Hak. She’s pretty, she’s smart, and— she’s into creatures! She’s perfect for you! I’m tired of watching you moping around our apartment, you need a damn girlfriend.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“No, I’m your awesome wingman.” Jaeha winked and started to walk away. “Don’t forget to make the reservations. Details in the chat.”

“Fucking prick!” Hak groaned and plopped back onto the couch with a thud. His friend got him good this time, because he knew Hak didn’t have it in him to be mean to a girl. So, begrudgingly he started reading the woman’s profile.

Yona. ‘She’s tiny...’ okay, so, she is very attractive... and her comments about angels and demons catches his attention. No wonder Jaeha liked this one. But Hak wasn’t getting his hopes up, because finding them fascinating is still not the same as how someone would react if one were standing right in front of them. ‘Merrimans,’ at least she had good taste. He calls and sets up the reservation. “Ugh, this better turn out okay,” Hak yelled out loud enough for his roommate to hear it. “Or I’m kicking your ass dragon!”

It was four days until the fateful dinner date and he’d be fooling himself to say he wasn’t nervous, anxious to see if this girl could really be different from all the others, yet realistic that it may not turn out that way. Hak went about his work days like normal, never showing his co-workers or delivery customers anything beyond a mask of invincibility. He prided himself on never losing his cool, a behavior he’d maybe inherited from his military father. Even though inside he was a mess. Ugh! This is exactly why he avoided this area of the heart! Because in that way he was more like his mother according to gramps. His mom was a tough demon with a heart of gold who hated the idea of hurting anyone. Hak too didn’t like to let anyone down, and his respect for women came from stories about her.

What if this Yona woman liked him back but couldn’t accept his true identity? He’d break both their hearts. Maybe it would be best to let her down gently right from the beginning? This and more Hak pondered during those four days, his mind constantly calculating the options and odds. So that by Saturday morning his decision was made, right or wrong. He’ll go through with the date, but make it clear he’s not interested. Yes! That’s what he’ll do. Shield them both from future misery. Yona’s a beautiful woman, she’ll find someone better.

“Hi,” Hak stood before the hostess stand. “I have a 6pm reservation under...”

“Hak?”

A tiny female voice behind him sent a shiver right up his spine. Hak whipped around at his name, a surging sense of power titillating the nerve cells of his skin. “Yona?” The woman exuded something he’d never encountered before.

“Hello,” the woman smiled. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Y-Yeah,” cheeks heating up, “it’s nice to meet you too. Um,” he turned back to the hostess still flustered and mind racing, “Hak, reservation for two.”

“Welcome to Merriman’s,” the hostess responded. “Please, right this way,” she gestured for the pair to follow.

Hak stepped aside and motioned for Yona to go first, then followed behind. Clearly this woman was not human, but what she was, he wasn’t sure of. Her energy was bright, soothing, and so inviting that it almost overruled his own thoughts. Was she a succubus?! What little he knew of them came from the stories, how they lured men in with their beguiling natures. Hak shook his head of those thoughts before they could be seated. Yona only came up to his chest she was so tiny, so that the idea of her being a strong demon was hard to grasp. Well, whatever she was, this date wasn’t going to be as easy to get through as he’d hoped.

The air between them was expectedly nervous. Hak couldn’t tell if Yona had figured out his nature yet, and she sure wasn’t behaving like it. To anyone around them, they simply appeared as a couple on a quiet dinner date. He did his best to stay engaged, though she initiated most of the conversations. They talked about things Hak assumed any pair would when trying to get to know each other. Family, friends, interests, but nothing overly reaching and he definitely didn’t want to just bluntly ask about creatures, not in a restaurant where they were surrounded by humans.

She was everything her dating profile had made her appear to be and more, and he felt himself being pulled in. It created a growing dilemma as the night wore on, and Hak found it more and more difficult to stick to his original plan. By the dessert round, he knew he needed to make a decision, so screw it, he’ll ask the question that could get him immediate answers.

As soon as they exit the restaurant, where no one was around, Hak launched into his question. “I’m gonna be straight with you Yona. It was actually my roommate who set this all up, not me because he thinks I need a girlfriend. A-And I’m not saying it wouldn’t be nice, but there’s things about me that—”

Yona placed a finger on his lips to hush him. “Not here. Someone might hear us.” She then took his hand, “there’s somewhere safer we can talk.”

“O-Okay...” Hak blushed both from her commandingly gentle reaction and her hand in his!! He followed quietly as she led them just a few storefronts away to another business, giving up total control like a putty in her hands. If Jaeha saw them, Hak wouldn’t hear the end of it. How the mighty demon Hak was subdued by a tiny woman...

The business itself was nothing special, just a bar from the outside. But then Yona continued inside towards the back, stopping in front of a wall. Hak watched in awe as she muttered a few words in another language and suddenly a door appeared. They went through it and that’s when Hak realized they were still in the bar, just a section reserved for creatures!

After moving them to the side, Yona turned around and giggled. “Let me see the real you, Hak,” she spoke as she dropped her own glamor and white feathery wings suddenly appeared from her back along with a yellow effervescent glow on her skin.

His eyes flashed wide in shock, but he complied with her request. Hak turned off his glamor to reveal two short, pointed black horns on his head, a long black leathery tail, and talons on his fingers.

“You’re a demon” She verified.

“And you’re an angel,” Hak breathed out. “Now I understand that comment from the chat.”

She nodded. “But I have a confession as well,” Yona confided. “I already knew you’re a demon because your friend Jaeha contacted me a couple of days ago suspicious of my remark.” She chuckled, “he really looks out for you, I hope you know he cares.”

“He’s a pain in the ass,” Hak grumbled, “but yeah, that’s why he’s also my best friend.”

“Well?” Yona placed a hand on her hip in a cocky pose. “What do you think? I know I like what I see, but what about you?”

Hak snorted a laugh. An angel... who’s not a saint, huh? This woman was intriguing for sure. “Alright, angel. You’ve got my attention.”

The sound of clapping, and a slap on his back, caused Hak to spin around, swinging at the offender. But what he found instead was his green-scaled dragon roommate.

“Whoa!” Jaeha caught Hak’s fist. “I’m just here to congratulate you buddy.”

“Damn it, slanty eyes!” Hak counter punched the man in his chest. “But... thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Jaeha laughed, “now come on!” He gathered the couple one of each side of him, and pulled them towards the dance floor. “Time to celebrate my buddy’s finally got a girlfriend!”

“I swear to hell I’m gonna kill you Dragon!”

[bettsfic]

march pinned: ending the sex project

in the march edition of my lowkey writing-related newsletter, in addition to my writing-related post roundup and upcoming consultation availability, i have personal essay recommendations and a segment on the definition of a project!

for more information on my creative coaching services, check out my carrd.

if you want to receive my lowkey writing-related newsletter directly, you can subscribe here.

full newsletter below the cut, or you can read it here.

fuck february, amiright?

i thought january was bad. but february. february was the stuff of nightmares. my cousin passed away from covid (you can read about her here; she was really an amazing person and i feel so lucky to have known her). i was finally formally diagnosed with PCOS (bittersweet, i guess). my car broke down. i took two (2) days off and it took me two and a half weeks to get caught up again. i can only hope march treats us all a little more gently.

the good news is, i finished revisions on my short story collection to send to my agent, finished workshop submissions for the semester, and now i can return to my first love, fanfiction. that i am constantly working through original fiction to return to fanfiction has been making me think a lot about the nature of a creative, capital-p Project. so, this month’s BTALA (been thinkin a lot about) is going to inspect the concept of a “project.”

new resource

last month i unveiled a folder of my favorite short stories which i’m pleased to hear several of you have perused and gotten some inspiration from. this month i’ve compiled my favorite personal essays. there are fewer essays than there are short stories because i’ve broken them into two groups: personal and craft. next month i hope to have the craft essays compiled.

i’m always looking for more things to love, so if you have recommendations for your favorite short stories and essays, i’d be happy to hear them!

writing-related posts

how to physically maneuver the revision process

the difference between M and E ratings of fic

resources for worldbuilding (check out the reblogs for more!)

a couple syntax/prose book recs

how to break a long work into chapters

march availability

unfortunately i have to cut my coaching hours down a bit, so i don’t have any openings left in march, but i have some availability in april. if you’re interested in a writing consultation, please fill out this google form!

you can learn more about my services on my carrd.

what i’m into rn

for the past year, i’ve basically been trapped in a 10x10 room, and my health is definitely reflecting that, both mentally (does anyone else feel like they’re living in groundhog day? just, every day being exactly the same except fractionally worse than the day before??) and physically (i reorganized the kitchen and could barely move for two days).

reader, i have discovered something called “walking,” in which i put on real human shoes and go outside. it feels strange, bestial. neighbors wave hello to me. a harrowing experience.

while doing this, this walking, i’ve been listening to the lolita podcast which a friend recommended to me, a ten-episode series that dives into everything lolita: the novel itself, its context, adaptations, greater cultural responses, and — as a sticker on my laptop says — vladimir “russian dreamboat” nabokov. as far as i can tell it seems well-researched and presents the many perspectives of lolita in a fair way. i’m only a few eps in, but i’m entranced so far. highly recommended if you, like me, have a complicated relationship with lolita.

i’ve also found myself mildly addicted to a mobile otome game called obey me, which. look i know it’s like the definition of cringe but it’s also mind-numbingly fun and if i want to spend my minimal free time pretending 7 demon brothers are all vying for my affection then that’s between me and god. it’s a lot of what i loved about WoW: frequent events, bright colors, a daily to do list of simple but satisfying tasks, many many rewards, and it doesn’t take itself very seriously. and if i have 4k fic written of mammon/reader that’s nobody’s business but mine and my longsuffering ao3 subscribers.

i’m telling you this because i don’t know anyone else who plays it and am desperate to trade headcanons. so if you play, or start playing, hit me up!! i will give u mad tips and daily AP.

been thinkin a lot about

the project. the project. even the word “project.” PROject (noun). proJECT (verb). what is the project? “project” comes from the latin pro and jacare which means “to throw forward,” or projectum which means “something prominent.” a projector throws forward an image. to project onto something means to throw your perspective onto something else. to embark on a project is to make something prominent in your life. the concept of “the projects” comes from public housing projects, the government throwing forward affordable housing.

what is the project? in joseph harris’ essay “coming to terms” he says that “to define the project of a writer is…to push beyond his text, to hazard a view about not only what someone has said but also what he was trying to accomplish by saying it.” harris’ perspective is that of an english teacher encouraging his students to read critically, not just to summarize a text but to find its project, its greater purpose. and while i first read this essay in a seminar on composition pedagogy, it stuck with me as a writer. it made me reconsider the greater nature of the creative project.

how many of us, if asked to describe our writing project, would begin with a plot or character premise, the nuts and bolts of a specific story? maybe even the working title? but i wonder, is breaking out the plot really the project? is the discipline of sitting down and typing really the project? and when the story is finished, is the project over? what is the project?

in 2019, i wrote 86k words of a novel. i began revising that novel last fall, and i’m finding that i’ll probably keep maybe less than 10k of that initial draft. i’m not bothered by that. the novel i wrote before that started at 125k, then i rewrote the entire thing to 200k, then i whittled it back down to 160k, and next i’ll be tasked with paring it back down to 80k. i’m not bothered by that either. in the past five years or so i’ve written about 2 million words, and i’ve only published 20k of them. only 1% of what i’ve written, i’ve published. in the words of lauren cooper (catherine tate), i’m not bothered.

i used to see publication as the birth of the project, and writing it akin to a long gestation period. then i saw publication as the death of the project, and its life was lived in its drafting. now, publication seems irrelevant to the project. the confines of a story and its many revisions are also irrelevant to the project. the beginning of a story is not the start of the project and the end of the story is not the end of the project. the project is larger than the story, its revisions, its publication, and its eventual readership.

i think it took me so long to see this because for so many years i was still in my first project, the sex project, an exploration of trauma and sexual identity, which began in 2014 with destiel fanfiction, endured through many fandom shifts, my MFA, years adrift as an adjunct, all the way through 2020 with the completion of my short story collection. i used to wonder how anyone could write about anything other than sex. to me it was the only topic worth my attention. i was certain that i would spend my entire life being a sex writer and i’d never find fulfillment writing a young adult sci fi adventure or a highly literary novel about complicated family dynamics. i was baffled by people who were interested in other things, who could write entire novels without using the word “cock” even once.

then my sex project ended. i don’t know when exactly it happened or why, but suddenly i realized i never wanted to write another artful description of an orgasm or find a tactful euphemism for a vagina ever again (personally i prefer “wet cunt” because not only is it blunt, i find it phonetically pleasing). obviously i’m still writing explicit fanfic but it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. sex feels more sidelined to me, even if it’s still the center and drive of a fic. i no longer get any personal satisfaction from writing it, although i do get satisfaction in sharing the work for readers to enjoy.

it’s like i’ve somehow solved the biggest puzzle of my life. or i guess made peace with my meanest monster, that extremely complicated double-mind of desire that some non-sex-repulsed asexuals feel: you want to feel desire you can’t actually feel so you write it into fiction, to try to understand this thing you can’t have and which society tells you you’re missing, and you don’t even know if you don’t have it, because you still feel desire for affection and intimacy, and maybe even a desire to be desired. and for those of us who are asexual and have c-ptsd, sex you don’t actually want (but don’t know you don’t want, because maybe you’re ambivalent and mildly curious and touch-starved) and an unrelenting drive toward people-pleasing can be a dangerous combination. how can you ever know what consent is if you always put other people’s desires above your own?

maybe i’m alone in this. maybe i’m not. maybe for most people, wanting sex is a light switch: yes i want it, or no i don’t. but for me, i had to write a whole lot of words to figure out things like desire, consent, intimacy, forgiveness, the shape that good love takes. the lengthy theoretical flowchart of “i might be interested in having sex if this and this and this and this and this happens in this exact order and under these exact circumstances.”

it was hard to write something into reality that i have never seen except in pieces, in subtext i clung to with no lexicon to give it shape and meaning. te lawrence in lawrence of arabia. some of tarantino’s early work. the film benny and joon. and weirdly, the star wars prequels (that one’s hard to explain; i’ll spare you). i don’t think the sex project was about coming to terms with my asexuality as much as it was trying to organize my thoughts and feelings by continuously rendering my own experiences within a greater, shinier ideal — like how you sometimes have to unravel the entire skein of yarn to find the loose end, and only then can you get started.

i guess i’m in the infancy of the power project now. i’m moving toward themes of control, infamy, greatness. the exact circumstances in which atrocity occurs. how people rise into leadership and fall from grace. the consequences of success. i don’t know why this project has come to me, or what, if anything, it has to do with me. i’m not famous and have no intention of becoming famous; i don’t have social power or influence, at least not beyond my little corner of fandom, and i’m not interested in having it. and yet, here we are, already hundreds of thousands of words in.

my fics digging for orchids (tgcf) and a standing engagement (the hunger games) deal with the detriments of fame. and even float (breaking bad) to a degree is about the aftermath of being so close to power. my novel cherry pop, loosely based on macbeth, is about an ongoing power exchange between two teenage girls. my other novel, vandal, is about a girl who believes she has magic powers and casts a spell on her neighbor to fall in love with her. and i’m in the very early stages of a novel called groundswell, a cult story i’ve been wanting to write for years. i had no idea why i couldn’t write it until i realized it wasn’t yet my project. i’m not even to the stage of developing characters, let alone a premise or plot. i’m still just building my aesthetic pile (i discuss the aesthetic pile here, as well as vandal in more detail), watching documentaries on cults, reading books, finding inspiration, marking down ideas as they come. it may be years before i’m ready to sit down and write it.

now that i know what the project is, i have more patience with myself. it doesn’t bother me to rewrite a novel from the beginning, or to scrap novels altogether, because the story isn’t the project. the project cannot be diminished by cutting words, sentences, paragraphs, entire chapters. the project does not have a product. the project cannot be published. the project is in the practice, in dragging the impossibly large into clear, acute existence, so you can see it. so you can see the very center of what you thought was an unknowable thing.

[kingofthewilderwest]

for the ask meme.... Earl Scruggs. ;)

Send me a Fictional Character and I’ll rate from a scale of 1-10 if I would date them and why!

[slams hand on desk] OH. OH YOU WENT THERE. YOU WENT THERE, DID YOU?!?!?!

Fine. If you shamelessly send me this question, I’m going to answer AS SHAMELESSLY AS POSSIBLE.

So. To bring everyone on tumblr up to speed. Because I’m sure this name means nothing to most of you. I have a massive celebrity crush on a man who was born in 1924 (died 2012) and is famous for playing banjo on the Beverly Hillbillies theme song.

This guy <333

(yes, shut up, I made a corny collage JUST FOR YOU)

What is it, Haddock? What is it about a man BORN IN MOTHERFUCKING 1924 WHO IS OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE BEEN YOUR GREAT-GRANDFATHER that you see? When you’re so fucking aroace and not the least bit crushy and especially not that interested in cismen BUT APPARENTLY WE MAKE EXCEPTIONS FOR MEN IN STRING TIES AND HATS BORN IN 1924. I am not salty about the year, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Okay. So. First of all. Appearance. Slightly cute-awkward. Dark brown eyes, which I’m a huge sucker for. Dark hair, which I’m also a big sucker for. HE WAS GRAYING EARLY BUT I AM PRETTY DAMN SURE SOMEONEeeeeEE SPENT MONEY ON HAIR DYE UNTIL HE TURNED 81, WHAT A SHAME, I COULD HAVE SEEN SALT AND PEPPER< BUT NOoooooooooo [coug] anyway. He also has the *most* endearing tooth gap straight in the middle of his mouth and thick as caterpillar eyebrows, both of which are so prominent you can see them from venus. (and I realize basically none of my photos feature The Tooth Gap, but believe me, it’s adorkable as FUCK. like holy shit. I didn’t know how adorable tooth gaps were and then he came into existence and I was like FUUUUUUUUC--)

But then there’s personality. And yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah I never met the guy. I b ought his signature for $100 off eBay and that’s the closest I got but we’re not salty about the fact that if I had gtten into his music 10 years ago I could’ve seen him in concert ANWAY.

This man here??? HE WAS A GEM. Earl Scruggs is someone repeatedly described as “nice,” “humble,” “shy,” and a “gentleman.” Ohboyohboy do I like my sweet puppy-eyed boys with the gentelmanly kindness and so shy you gotta laugh like. aoegijae;roiagje;roijage;roigj. Like WOW. Sweetheart. He was very shy, so much to the point there are endearing videos of a 50-some-year-old man squirming like he’s a teen onstage trying to talk into a microphone, and I fucking laugh because it’s like HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A PROFESSIONAL PERFORMER, DUDE, HOW CAN YOU NOT TALK ONSTAGE YET?? he had a bit of a stutter sometimes, and spoke extremely slow in a baritone voice with such a thick North Carolinian accent that it doesn’t even fade when he starts singing, like, wow, the Southern is thiccckkkk in that singing too. I love it. Despite being world-famous and renowned he preferred to do backup to people and emphasize their music and there was SO much humility and respect people juice going on here and it’s just???? really beautiful to see. And pure gentleman. Even with the shoulder-length pot smoking rock hippie phase he went through in the 70s (actually that just makes me respect him all the more like, in the middle of the Vietnam War when every other country/western musician was being pro-military he was like “nope this war’s wrong” and went to a major protest and shit) Anyway Earl Scruggs was a GENTLEMAN and he was SO NICE to everyoen like you do noooot hear bad stories about him virtually never and everything about him is just SO nice of a human it’s like damn, it came naturally to him

I would be scared of meeting most celebrities, but with him, I feel like I would actually be able to have a conversation, because I know this was a human being who treated every single human being like a soul to be cherished.

but then like!!! same sense of devious humor. you hear stories of the pranks he did, and then you watch old tv show episodes of him, and you just see someone who liked to troll his friends. and like, 90% of it is all stuff I would want to do to my friends so like YES. you gotta fuck with your friends you just got to

Earl Scruggs is probably the first, or one of the first, “heroes” I’ve had. I got into his music because he was a fantastic, revolutionary, talented, appealing banjo picker. There were certainly other people who played in a three fingered style before him, but when Earl Scruggs performed on major radio for the first time in 1945, he blew people out of the water with his fast-paced finger work. He literally revolutionized banjo technique around the world because his musicality caught so many people’s attention. I’ve heard it said by some he is the most widely imitated musician on their respective instrument of anyone we know in history, and frankly, after me entering the world of banjo and bluegrass, I would believe it. What banjo was like before/after Scruggs is fucktastically different, and that impacted not only all banjo pickers around the world, but other instrumentalists adapted his technique to their instruments as well (see: Jesse McReynolds on mandolin, Josh Graves on dobro, etc.), which then shot off and became well-known technique for those instruments in the genre, too. Earl Scruggs was one half of Flatt & Scruggs, one of the most revered and successful bluegrass bands to come into existence. And without Scruggs, frankly, there would have been no bluegrass genre at all.

You are most likely to have heard Earl Scruggs in the Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song (mentioned above) or from the theme music of the 1967 movie Bonnie and Clyde (Foggy Mountain Breakdown). It was Foggy Mountain Breakdown, when I heard it the first time, that smashed me in the chest like a sack of bricks and made me immediately realize, “I NEED TO BUY A BANJO.” And so I did. And then researched this guy in like. Every biography. Out there. I KNOW DATES. I KNOW LIKE. MAJOR DATES OF HIS LIFE. IT’S BAD. IT’S SO BAD DUDES>

SO DID YOU EXPECT TO GET SOMEONE SCREAMING REALLY STUPIDLY OVER SOME DUDE THAT y”ALL DON’T LISTEN TO BECAUSE YOU”RE LIKE I DUNNO MORE MODERN THAN ME AND LISTEN TO MUSIC THAT DIDN’T COME OUT IN THE EARLY 50S?/??// bu hghghghghg if other people can still cry about Elvis I can cry about Earl and yes I will name a child after him if I raise kids no one can stop me 

anyway hi to answer your question, 11. On a scale of 1-10 I would 11 date him. I will shove his wife aside with a jump kick I will date him, would 200% drench a pillow in tears if he hugged me

[falloutboywife]

i want to start this off by saying i am infintitely grateful for all the support i've gotten while i was away, and i cannot express enough how much it means to me to know i have so much support during such a frustrating part of my life, even if i'm only showing you guys one part of it. i cannot tell you enough how thankful i am, and i'm going to respond to as many messages as i can tomorrow because this has taken a lot of time and energy for me to write and piece together emotionally

i definitely think the other week when i made that lengthy post about my identity and my place in online spaces may have been a bit of an overreaction, however while i've had some time to think about it on my own i think that just avoiding tumblr outright is causing me to become pretty insular in how i'm perceiving the entire situation, which isn't made any easier for me considering when i ask my friends who've been seeing it unfold what their opinions on it are, their responses have been pretty mixed.

as a whole, i think that being in online fandoms, as an outspoken artist (outspoken in this sense meaning redacted and fat kid fuckery, both shameful and heretical topics few dare to mention), tends to inflate my ego in a way i don't really find desirable. meaning people who are super kind and friendly towards me and who give me a lot of positive attention, while reassuring and definitely welcomed, tends to lean into people admiring me for reasons i don't really understand, and this can also end up trapping me into a certain role to fulfill in a community because of the kind of attention i tend to reward and validate, i.e. fat kid fuckery in my dms, which leads to the expectation of me being this sort of bastion of hornyposting where all evil (affectionate) thoughts are encouraged and endorsed.

on the other end of the spectrum, and if you know what i'm talking about then you know, i tend to attract a lot of negativity from people i've never interacted with or had any intention of interacting with, and this has been an issue for me pretty much the entire time i've used social media (me adding hornyposting as a facet to my personality is really recent, like i only started doing this late 2017 and i'm really tired of it by now but. again. it's what people expect of me, more on that later), and i'm not entirely sure how to make it stop. granted, when i was a lot younger, i was genuinely an asshole, but i want to stress a very important thing i think very few of my followers on here are aware of

i'm 28 and only just now aware of the fact that i'm autistic, and i was misdiagnosed with bipolar when i was 13 and because none of the treatment or therapy worked, i always thought there was something really wrong with me, so i couldn't actually learn how to cope with a lot of my problems in a productive way until recently. so yeah, i was a jackass when i was younger, and i can be a jackass in private sometimes when i'm under a lot of stress, but having this realization about myself is really helping me a lot on its own

and being autistic, people can think i'm annoying or obnoxious or irritating and that, juxtaposed with content or opinions they might personally disagree with, can make people very angry just inherently. i've spoken with my friends about how i can't seem to shake off any drama that i really, really have nothing to do with or any interest in, and the only ones who could really relate were other autistic people. my own friend actually told me that she thinks this is something i'm just going to have to struggle with my entire life, because even if it's not being horny or advocating for sexual positivty, i'm ALWAYS doing something that will piss someone off

(quick disclaimer: i know some of you are probably going to try to engage in bad faith arguments with me saying that i'm calling all my haters ableist, and if anyone tries to insinuate that this is the conclusion i'm coming to, i'm not only ignoring your ask but blocking you as well. i'm also not answering any asks trying to insinuate that i "need help" simply because of the type of fiction i enjoy, when the issue was HOW i was engaging with it, which i think i have made exceedingly clear.)

i think it's funny that me clearly being into waycest and clearly being into babystump is lost on people to the point where they feel they need to make callout posts "warning" people about the fact that i'm...openly and unabashedly interested in this shit, but the very second i say "actually i'm asexual but i'm glad you guys are so sexually open about yourselves and your interests" i lost more followers than any active campaign trying to cancel me, which is exactly what i fucking mean when i say this is what people expect of me

so i can't really make anyone happy in the current environment i've curated for myself because it is expected of me to maintain this personality and continue engaging in this nature of content regardless of my own personal feelings on the matter, because if i want to break free from it then i risk pissing people off. i also can't just act how i want or make the kind of jokes that i want or enjoy the kind of things i want anyway because simply by having a mental disability that effects how i engage with people socially, i am risking ostracizing myself by pissing the wrong people off and ultimately making things a lot worse than they otherwise would be

however. However. even if this is exactly how i feel, this isn't entirely a situation that is exclusive to this current blog, and when i said in the beginning i was taking this too seriously, i still mean that, and i think that my own personal problems with being in online fandoms stem from external factors that have nothing to do with this website. i'm almost 30 and a lot of my life this past decade has been very stagnant due to severe depression, with no real progress towards furthering my life in any meaningful way, and i think that what i was really frustrated with when i made that post was this very factor. in conjunction with this, i use online spaces a way to try to find an open and accepting community of people i can befriend and be myself in, because my undiagnosed autism has historically made it difficult for me to really socialize with people in a productive way that didn't make me feel like an outcast. i think a combination of the fact that online spaces are becoming increasingly more difficult for me to adapt to, as well as incresingly unfulfilling, adding to the lack of fulfillment in the rest of my life, was the subconscious realization i came to when i decided to make that post and take a break from tumblr for a bit. i'm frustrated that i have no fulfillment in my life, and i can no longer find it in online spaces that i used to enjoy and find so much meaning in

this being said, i'm actually doing shit with my life at long last. i'm enrolled in classes for an english degree, and i'm going to subsequently get an associates in creative writing that i'll be able to complete in a single semester after the fact, leaving me with two whole degrees under my belt that i can use in developing my future in the literary world. i'm taking my art more seriously as well, although i only post my bandom and lotr drawings on here, and i'm thinking of making an instagram account to start posting my art on there as well, as a sort of portfolio. i'm sick of this ongoing feeling of there being no meaning in my life, and i'm sick of feeling like i'm just wasting away and putting my mind to no use, and the immense joy i got just from seeing my class schedule for the fall semester made me realize that i am an intellectual, i'm an academic, and i'm in love with media and literary studies and this is what i find meaning in. this shit makes me so fucking happy and when i finished the picture of dorian gray the other day i IMMEDIATELY went on a tirade about its themes and symbolism just to myself and that, alone, was so fucking rewarding. i've been watching movies with my friend sweaterangst and just describing the themes of the horror used in the fucking texas chainsaw massacre movies made me feel so fulfilled even if he might have barely been listening LMAO i find meaning in seeking out complex and thought-provoking pieces of work and i

absolutely

am not getting that being on tumblr and talking about how i'm gonna let the fat kid deepfry me at the state fair (affectionate) (delusional) (severe)

with that being said, yes, i'm still asexual and i don't get fulfillment from purely sexual discussion, but i think i'm still gonna be answering asks about the sexy stuff so long as i find it engaging to a degree. i'm gonna start trying to use the guys you say as creative writing exercises because in the beginning that's what the fucking smut started as LMAO but i lost the plot a while ago and just let myself stagnate, like i said. i'm still gonna blog about bandom stuff but now that i have no reason to treat social media like it's all i have, and now that i'm breaking out of my depressed state in more meaningful ways, i think i'm gonna start blogging about a lot more things too and try to start having fun on this site again.

five nights at fat kid's is back, baby