#is this universal guy friendship experience that i missed by being a girl for 14 years

[aneurizma]

No one told me that most of my adult male friendships will be this homoerotic

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

jacqueline wilson’s ‘love lessons’

tw: abuse, pedophilia, characters making Bad Decisions, long unnecessary spiel about my childhood like I’m running a recipe blog

It’s funny how loads of the authors who helped shaped me into the vaguely humanoid being I am today have names beginning with the letter ‘J’; Judy Blume, Jeff Kinney, John Green, J.K. Rowling (yikes, I know) … and Jacqueline Wilson.

I’ve never owned a Jacqueline Wilson book of my own; they were always borrowed from a friend, or from a friend of a friend, or from a friend of a cousin- you get the gist. Her books, for me, come with an entire aesthetic: something reminiscent of yard sales, and reading under the covers with a flashlight, and being lulled into a false sense of security by the deceptively innocent Nick Sharratt illustration on the cover until someone’s best friend gets mowed over.

So I knew what I was getting into when I picked up Love Lessons. I knew this was going to be Fucked Up; and boy, was I right.

(Here’s the part where I warn you about spoilers.)

From an abusive dad to creepy child predator teachers to slut-shaming and victim blaming, this book has it all.

The main character is Prudence ‘Prue’ King, who is homeschooled at the beginning of the book, along with her sister, Grace. Their parents remain rooted in the early twentieth century, and are very strict about- well, everything. No TV, no computers, not a single mobile phone in the house; their clothing worse than the orphans’ from Annie; and their father remains distinctly distrustful of modern institutions like the school and the hospital; and so on, and so forth.

Daddy King suffers a stroke, and has to be taken to the hospital. Meanwhile, Mrs. King (a floppy, spineless woman who lives in fear and awe of her, frankly horrid, husband) sends the girls to school, behind the then invalid Mr. King’s back. Cue Prue and Grace being the freakshows of the school, with their strange clothing and overbearing mother.

Grace manages to make friends, but Prue remains alone. The kids are dicks, the teachers are dicks… well, all of them but one. And that’s the art teacher, Mr. Raxberry (I just couldn’t get over that name; it seems like something you’d name a mythical plant from Pixie Hollow or some shit. I’m assuming it isn’t an actual name, since the spelling & grammar check on my computer doesn’t seem to recognize it), or Rax, as he’s called.

Oh, yeah; Prudence’s favorite subject in school is art, and she’s a whiz at it. This is relevant, because reasons.

And here’s where stuff gets murky. Prue develops a crush on Rax- which is perfectly normal. I’m definitely no stranger to it; I’ve had crushes on my teachers, my mum admitted she used to think one of her professors was cute. And yeah, as I grew older, I grew out of those crushes and now have a markedly more refined taste in men (unless he’s 5’ 7’’, born in ’97 and named Bang Chan, I don’t want him); and my mum married my dad, so I’m assuming she did, too. Admittedly, now that my dad teaches at a university, it’s icky to think that there might be students who have crushes on him- but I digress.

My point is, loads of us have liked our teachers. But I doubt the majority of us have acted on it.

And Prue actively showing her interest in Rax isn’t the worst part. That’s a spot reserved for Rax reciprocating her feelings.

Guess Ezra Fitz and Ms. Grundy (yes, I watched Riverdale; please don’t cancel me) have a new addition to the Creep Club.

The age of consent in the UK is 16, if I’m not mistaken. Prue is 14. She’s just barely become a teenager, and she’s being preyed upon.

Because that is what Rax is. He’s a predator; he preys upon this vulnerable girl who’s never been in a relationship before- hell, she’s never even had friends- her father’s abusive, so she obviously doesn’t have the best experience when it comes to men- she’s unpopular at school, with the students and staff alike- and he lures her in. I don’t care how bloody nice he is to Sarah, or what a good dad he is (well, he’s really not, seeing as he cheated on the mother of his children WITH A BLOODY FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD)- the guy’s a fucking pedophile.

I was staunchly stuck at a yellow light with him; like, sure, maybe Prue thinks he’s flirting with her- maybe she’s looking at this all wrong, she doesn’t know how relationships work- see, he drew a picture of Sarah, too, in his secret notebook- Prue’s just reading into this too much- up until he says he loves her.

Dude. Humbert fucking Humbert. She’s fourteen, for Christ’s sake, and you’re married. You have two children. She’s a child. She’s probably closer to your son’s age than she is to yours.

(This is the part where I bury my head in my pillow. And scream. Extensively, and with passion.)

The book does make some genuinely good commentary on slut-shaming and victim blaming and abusive parenting. And on one hand, I can see why so many people find issue with the romanticization of the when I kissed the teacher trope- but I can defend it, too.

The book is in Prue’s perspective. She thinks she’s in love with Rax, so obviously, she’s not going to throw in some valuable moral at the end- because she’s too young and inexperienced to think otherwise. And sadly, there are loads of instances of child abuse that go unreported because the victims just don’t know better.

What I have issue with is how the school dealt with it, ultimately. Prudence, a child, has to deal with the consequences of the actions of a literal child predator. Sure, Rax ‘clears his name’ by cooking up some bullshit story about how it was only a crush and he didn’t encourage it, but you’d think other adults would know better and, oh, I dunno- dig deeper into it, instead of blaming it on a child?

“She says you told Mr. Raxberry you loved him and he held you in his arms and fondled you.”

Which Prudence denies, because, again, she doesn’t know better. She then goes on to say that they did nothing wrong. To which the adult speaking to her, in this case, the principal, Miss Wilmott, goes on to say:

“I’m not sure that’s entirely true… I feel that there are some aspects of your friendship that could be considered inappropriate.”

FYI, lady, he kissed her- multiple times (not that kissing her once makes him any more redeemable), and told her he loved her, and admitted to fantasizing about running away with her and leaving his family behind. Fun fact: do you know Prudence is underage?

You’d think that Miss Wilmott would maybe give this whole fiasco a favorable ending, but it turns out she listens to school gossip;

“I haven’t been at all happy with your attitude. You don’t seem to understand how to behave in school. I’ve heard tales of unsuitable underwear and then a silly romance with one of the boys in your class. I feel that in the space of a few short weeks you’ve made rather a bad name for yourself… I don’t know whether you intend to be deliberately insolent but you certainly come across as an unpleasantly opinionated and arrogant girl… I can’t help feeling that you’ll be much better off elsewhere. I shall try hard to engineer a suitable transfer to another school.”

And then she comes out with this gem:

“If you won’t leave, then I shall have to ensure that Mr. Raxberry finds another position.”

“No, you can’t do that! He’s a brilliant teacher.”

“You should have thought of that before you started acting in this ridiculous and precocious manner. If I were another kind of headteacher, I would have Mr. Raxberry instantly suspended. There could even be a court case. He would not only lose his job, he could find himself in very serious trouble. Did you ever stop to think about that?”

Girlboss, gaslight and gatekeep. The fucking trifecta.

Also, by ‘another kind of headteacher’, does she mean the kind of headteacher WHO DOESN’T LET CHILD PREDATORS ROAM FREELY WITHIN THEIR HALLS?

This bitch is out here blaming a child, a literal child, for the crimes of an adult man.

The only time Prue seems aware of the fact that Mr. Raxberry is actually a very shit person is her immediate thoughts that follow after she tells Miss Wilmott she’ll take the fall;

I so wanted to save darling Rax- and yet why hadn’t he wanted to save me? Had he told Miss Wilmott it was all my fault, that I’d got a ridiculous crush on him, that I’d made ludicrous advances to him? … I wanted to tell this horrible, patronizing woman how hungrily he’d kissed me, but I couldn’t do it. I loved him. I had to help him.

NO, SWEETHEART; YOU MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT.

And maybe I’m going overboard with all these excerpts, but here’s what Rax has to tell Prue, after school, following her expulsion:

“I let her think the worst of you, the best of me, just to save my skin. I said it was ridiculous talking about a love affair between us. I said you simply had a crush on me, and that I was just trying to be kind… You were brave enough to stand up to me and force me to acknowledge the truth… I love you… That’s why I had to take a risk and see you this one last time. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t care… Every night when I close my eyes, I’ll think of us together in this car and how badly I wanted to drive off with you. I’ll imagine us walking hand in hand at the water’s edge… I wish I wasn’t such a coward.”

(I burrow into the pillow further. I’m trying to suffocate myself.)

And that’s where I think Wilson went wrong. Sure, Prudence getting expelled for something that was completely out of her hands is unfair, and horrible, but it’s real. That shit can happen.

What’s bad is showing Rax in a positive light after all that. If only Wilson had written Rax to not be the Romeo he thinks he is. Make him ignore Prudence, throw her under the bus in front of her face, instead of this star-crossed lovers bullshit it’s made out to be. Show your younger audience that Rax is not a good man. I’ve got a little over two weeks left for my twentieth; I can see why this is unacceptable. But I was a little younger than Prue when I watched Pretty Little Liars, and my only gripe with Aria dating Ezra was that Noel Kahn was so much cuter.

It shows when you scroll down the Goodreads reviews; you’ve got adults giving it one or two stars, and teenagers giving it four or five, with their biggest complaints being, “but Toby was cuter!!!”

Other non-pedophilia related complaints regarding the book include: Prudence being unlikable- which I didn’t really notice, considering she reacted to some people way better than I would’ve, even at 19 (which probably says a lot more about me than it does about Prue, but oh well). Still, Prudence obviously isn’t the most prudent of people- and again, she’s fourteen. Look me in eye and tell me you weren’t an arsehole at that age (unless you’re fourteen now, in which case, I assure you that you’ll look back on yourself someday and go ‘wtf was I thinking’). Bringing up Toby’s dyslexia in an argument was low, though.

There were people who thought the Kings’ almost-Amish lifestyle was exaggerated and unrealistic, but I assure you, it may very well be real. There are 8 billion people on the world- it’s fair to assume that several of them are complete weirdos.

Grace was a sweet character, and I adored her with every fiber of my being. As were her friends Iggy and Figgy. Honestly, I would’ve loved a book about Iggy, Figgy and Piggy’s (mis)adventures too.

[winxlava]

Where Fate: the Winx saga fails

As a winx fan of 14 years (in and out), this fate thing is really scandolous. I’ve seen lots of ups and downs the winx fandom. As I’ve watched all of the development that fate had, I've had some thoughts, but I’ve waited until I watched everything.

This is going to be a reaction to all 6 episodes of Fate the Winx saga. This is coming from a fan of the og show so expect lots of comparisons.

If this bothers you, please don't keep reading. A lot of this is only my opinion. If you like it and think its great, that’s good! I’m not here to ruin it.

There is a list of what I liked most near the bottom of this post. Spoilers Ahead!!

Anyway, back to the post.

What made the Winx work

Lets start with the basic idea of Winx. Bloom, a normal girl, finds out that she has magic powers and is from another dimension. Seems like a simple concept? Well, Seasons 1-3 (and 4?) expanded this idea to the max.

Likeable characters galore and lots of fun, fashion, and magic.

For a lot of us that’s what sold the show. 

So lets talk about tone and why its so important 

The idea that teenage girls were exploring a world we could never see or experience. And the darkness that came with it.

Remember when Daphne, bloom’s dead sister, clung to life to help bloom figure her life out? When bloom became evil and nearly killed all of her friends? When Flora drowned to save her sister, only to get enchantix? (Actually all of enchantix was like this). When Musa gave up seeing her dead mom to save the world? When nabu died?

The show was full of these small, intense, dark moments. That’s what made winx special. The light came with dark.

By making the show dark and “eDgy” it takes away the impact of the dark moments. I’ve been saying this since the beginning. 

Point of view and how Stella is affected 

Stella was very misunderstood in the remake and it shows. The thing is, Stella was the first entry point into the magical world in the original show. She carried Bloom and her parents to Alfea. She was the transfer point to a whole world for the audience.

Her spunk and optimism and snark made her a fan favorite, but that’s not what made her character work.

She was Bloom’s first friend, and because of the that, we saw her in a good lens. She was reckless, but a pure heart nonetheless. She was confident, cunning, and powerful. 

It was because we saw the good in her first that made us like her. She was good before she was bad in our eyes.

The remake takes all of that away. She’s just a generic mean rich girl now. To be honest, Stella is accurate, but the way she was introduced put her in a whole new light. In this version, she is annoying and trifling, seemingly taking the place of Diaspro in her liking for sky.

Also she hates her mother? Stella would never! She loved both of her parents dearly and was mad simply because she felt they never loved her as a result of their divorce; they never talked to each other and she felt split between the two of them. (See Stella’s nightmares sequence season 1 :https://youtu.be/wuvyw0OHA6A?t=129). She was lonely and her father, though he loved her, spoiled her with gifts instead of the love she desired. 

You see this side of her when Chimera comes in and tries to take her place in season 3. Her worth is tied to what she has and looks like. Her title as a princess rules her.

Not only that, Stella learns about “commoners” through her friends. She was spoiled and never saw people who couldn’t afford things; it was new and she was a bit rude about it, but can you blame her, she was always put above everything else in her home country.

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgzCfOQ696rvwa51Z_J4AaABCQ?lc=UgzCDSxfcNaP9XogBSB4AaABAg

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgzCfOQ696rvwa51Z_J4AaABCQ?lc=Ugxl_sOsUSGBXEwagxJ4AaABAg

^^ These are comments of people saying similar things.

Stella also vents to Sky a lot in the remake. She seems like she is chasing him pitifully, something og Stella would never do.

Edit: Check the “liked” section; she has been upgraded to sort of like in episodes 5 and 6.

Aisha

They did Aisha dirty as well. (Just like Bonnie from Vampire Diaries, why am I surprised?) I would write a lot here, but someone else summarized it well:

https://rainbow-whitewashing-jar.tumblr.com/post/639787632624369664/its-just-there-is-so-much-background-on-aisha.

https://www.youtube.com/post/Ugx4WL5rIPTS1suGOed4AaABCQ

Tldr: Aisha was a very lonely princess of Andros. She only had one friend growing up but then they moved away and she was lonely all over again. She copes with her princess duties by being great at sports and even beating some of the men! She stood up to her parents when they wanted her to be arranged married, until she fell in love with Nabu HERSELF. She decided her own future from that point on.

Also, her relevance to the plot has been dwindled to being Bloom's right hand man; the black best friend sterotype! What a let down for one of the PRINCESSES of the original!

She had her own goals, drive, and motivations in the original! She did things for all of her friends; she definitely wasn't only driven by one person!

And she was closer to Musa than Bloom that's for sure!

Bloom

The fact that bloom transforms before everyone else gives bad vibes, considering that one of the reasons she was insecure about magic was because everyone of her friends was better than her and could transform. Why would she feel insecure when they are all around the same level?

The theme of sisterhood

Ever notice that none of the girls had the same taste in guys?

Bloom liked goody guys like Sky and Andy. Stella liked guys who were fun and flirty like Brandon.

In fact, none of the girls ever fought over a guy, they fought over things that actually mattered like someone being rude or a mission gone wrong.

That's what made them relatable. They weren't petty about guys and they mostly respected each other's relationships.

https://www.youtube.com/post/Ugz6TEOmGRV2Cfqy12F4AaABCQ?lc=UgwhLsToVbhLDYpFphB4AaABAg

^^ Look at highlighted comment

Not only that, but the winx represented a positive sisterhood. They stood by each other and respected each other; they never let men come between them and shared their power with each other.

Only the trix, the bad sisterhood, fought over men and power. The trix were foils to the winx and what they stood for! That's what made them some of the best villains in the series!

Instead of that, we get useless relationship drama! 😒

And that brings me to...

Stella/Sky/Bloom & Riven/Dane/Terra

What was the point of Dane? I'm still asking myself that question. He doesn't really do anything except act as relationship fuel for a love triangle.

Don't get me wrong, the representation is needed. But he adds nothing to the real plot at all except that Terra thinks he likes her, and he has a crush on Riven.

In terms of the Stella and Bloom love triangle with Sky, apparently she BLINDED someone because they flirted with sky. What?!? Stella isn't that cruel at all. The show clearly flanderized her to a cruel mean girl so....

Edit: Check the “liked” section; she has been upgraded to sort of like in episodes 5 and 6.

Lets not forget about “diversity”

Male fairies did exist before Fate:

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgziTWMf44kv0fkDt8x4AaABCQ

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgxWAFZRmqt_k3iBMhZ4AaABCQ

Flora/Terra, Musa, and Whitewashing

Terra and Musa are wonderful! Their actress' do a great job; their personalities are so similar to the original (except for musa's mind abilities and Terra's talkative personality)! Whenever one of them interacts with the other main cast, you feel actual friendship chemistry between them!!

But there is an elephant in the room: the whitewashing. If these characters were the correct race, they wouldn't be in this critical review.

Terra isn't flora, but her character was clearly based on her! Also, she has a cousin named Flora, so Flora is clearly in this universe.

??

Why change her race and swap her out! The personalities are spot on, which makes it even more disheartening to know that they would rather replace two POC characters with white characters who essentially are the same people and have the same plot importance.

What a shame and low blow that is! Especially since I am a black woman myself!

Sky and Riven

Them being bros make no sense really. Before they were more like enemies who were forced to work together.

Why are they friends?? What's the backstory?

Other than that, sky is pretty spot on. He's the pretty boy with good intentions. Not interesting but not very boring either.

Riven is cringy like I feared. He was also sort of cringe in the og but because of the darker setting in the remake he just feels even more so.

Other Criticisms:

- we gets some pretty cringy dialogue (mostly from riven). Some of the clingy dialogue (not from riven) ironically could have worked in a lighter setting and become "campy".

- The fact that there are no wings for 5 whole episodes, just makes the entire thing feel like Witches or something...

- why does everyone have the dead parent trope??

- no tecna

Things I do like:

- bloom missing her parents and feeling left out

- Musa and Sam before Musa and Riven (hopefully)

- Terra in general

- Terra’s dad and brother

- Musa in general

- Stella funny quips

- the scenery is gorgeous

- Stella's clothes are so fashionable! She has great outfits!

- Sky and Bloom taking during the party and/or being friendly with each other

- the magic cgi looks good 👍

- the rooms of the girls dorms and the castle looks great on the inside

- Aisha's personality

- Farrah Dowling is good as well

- Bloom is pretty spot on

- Stella's mom's powers are awesome

- imagine the genocide plot but with the happy fun show vibe and with the trix. The trix want to get revenge on faragonda for killing their cult, who wanted to revive the ancestral witches or something💥💥💥

- Stella in episodes 5 and 6 is cool

- the inclusion of the witches of aster dell (Beatrix said she was born there = witch)

- the inclusion of musa’s mother’s death

-Her transformation was lackluster to me, but I appreciated the effort to include it.

Conclusion

The pacing was all over the place to me; it felt like some episodes lasted forever and all of them seemed to have the vague theme of : be careful who you trust.

By trying to separate the winx from the og and have them have "their own lives" (which they already had), they ruined the intriguing backstories the characters already had in the og. Some were somewhat kept, but others were kind of left in the dust *cough*Aisha*cough*.

They took away with made them special: the teamwork, love, and friendship that brought them together and made them stronger. *They try it in episodes 5 and 6, but to me it just falls sort of flat.*

That said it isn't completely bad, it's mediocre at best, but it isn't Winx and that's that.

Edit: I know that it’s not supposed to be winx per say, but it has characters from the og and even the “winx” name in the title!

Credits: WCD channel on youtube, rainbow whitewashing jar on tumblr, and Youtube videos by the official winx club youtube channel.

[gone-series-orchid]

1900s au

coates is an elite boarding academy for high-class troubled youths

perdido beach school is a poor run-down schoolhouse that houses kids from ages 5 to 16. usually just keeps kids busy and out of trouble, not much educating going on; lots of dropouts due to kids having to work for their families’ farms, lots of delinquency (hence orc and his gang)

coates is (mostly) white-only, as is perdido beach; there’s a separate school for black students that’s even dingier and more useless than the latter, so many kids choose not to go/are educated at home

sam and his mother are struggling to make ends meet; connie latches onto whatshisname (the guy sam burned prior to the fayz), a lower-class gentile, partially as a means of racial assimilation and partly because he has marginally more money than they do

instead of driving a runaway school bus, sam takes control of the spooked horses when hitching a ride with his peers to school on the back of a neighbor’s cart; maybe he’s good with horses in this au lol

it’s rumored that astrid’s mother once was very rich but her family fell on hard times, resulting in her marrying the lower-middle class mr. ellison. astrid is still admired by her teacher, as she’s regularly top of the class in every subject, but the ellisons don’t have the money to send her to a school where her intellectual gifts would be appreciated, especially when considering her little brother’s “idiocy” (yes, that was the term back then)

little pete has been examined by the town doctor multiple times and the ellisons have wondered about putting him in an asylum for his own good, but astrid believes she can get through to him if she reads enough about the budding field of psychology

quinn is a dandy perhaps who dresses above his station. but he’s like 14 so it’s not a massive faux pas yet

diana is the only daughter of a rich family who immigrated to california from mexico generations ago. though she’s lived there her whole life, she’s still considered an outsider due to her heritage. still, because of her family’s money (and, more importantly, her being white-passing), she’s accepted at coates. diana keeps her grades up and keeps outwardly away from trouble, knowing she has her family’s reputation on her shoulders and not wanting any sort of delinquency to be attributed to her race

her quick wit and sharp tongue make enemies of the other kids at coates, who are quick to spread salacious rumors about the foreign-looking “latin” girl

mary is the daughter of a poor, religious family with many children (including her brother john). as such, she tends to lend the teacher a hand and mother the younger kids at school. she still secretly struggles with bulimia

edilio is pretty much the same i think? unfortunately his experience of being a honduran immigrant derided by racist whites is pretty universal

dekka’s family was lucky enough to gain the friendship of a wealthy white benefactor sometime before she was born, hence how she was sent to coates despite being black in circa 1900. ostracized by her white peers, dekka quietly tries to fade into the background until the fayz forces her and so many others into action

computer jack is obsessed with uh potato-powered lightbulbs or something

drake is a rich boy who likes to kill small animals and menace his peers. his grandpa’s really mad about the confederacy losing the civil war

orc and howard are still best friends, they skip school together and sleep in abandoned railway cars like vagabonds, united by their poverty. they’re a couple of huck finns only grungier and sadder

howard’s family life is still very good but he hates going to his designated school. he’s too smart to go to it, he tells his parents, who just want him to have a good life despite their poor circumstances

orc’s parents are severely racist so he has to keep his friendship with howard secret. his dad’s the laughingstock of the town, its signature lower class alcoholic lout who’s abusive to his family

astrid tries to influence orc to do better in school through her tutoring. she’s the only member of the junior temperance movement of perdido beach [which she of course created] and secretly tries to influence him to keep his father from drinking so much. he regularly misses her lessons until she starts bringing food along with her. after that he listens to her and of course is touched by her kindness and intelligence

when all the adults and kids over 15 disappear, chaos reigns, strict 18th century class/race/gender lines dissolve inadvertently despite caine’s desperate attempts to preserve them (he wants diana to be his queen despite her race bc lol hypocrisy). he wants to be king so he can bring everything back to normal, which for him means being a privileged rich prep boy

everyone is of course shocked by the reveal that sam and caine are brothers, none so more than caine himself, who is aghast at the fact that he’s ethnically jewish. sam’s just like 🙄

let’s be real astrid also, as a devout christian with a self-righteous streak living in circa 1900, would be antisemitic despite insisting that she’s not. she may be in denial about falling in love with sam. but then she’d get over it eventually probably

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hullo! I was wondering if you knew any johnlock fics where Sherlock thinks that they're in a relationship but they're not? Thanks!

AMBIGUOUS RELATIONSHIPS

Hey Lovely!

Sorry for the title above, I use them now to quickly ID a post when I draft them, LOL LOL!!

I only know of a few fics that is almost exactly this criteria:

A Need To Know Basis by mattsloved1 (G, 934 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance) – As the cab door shut firmly, the DI had yelled out they were to make an appearance at Scotland Yard the next day. It was while John watched London pass by that it happened.

How To Give Your Boyfriend Who Doesn’t Know He’s Your Boyfriend the Best Valentine’s Day Ever by unicornpoe (T, 9,832 w., 1 Ch. || Valentine’s Day, Fluff and Crack, Soft Sherlock, POV Sherlock) – Sherlock is pretty sure that John Watson is his boyfriend. He’s also pretty sure that John doesn’t know it. But with a little help from a magazine, some friends, three crepes, five dates, one awesome CD, and a stalker van, John is bound to realize just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Winter’s Delights by Kate_Lear (E, 21,173 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Christmas, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Bed Sharing, Domestics) – Sherlock takes John home for Christmas to meet the extended Holmes family. Part 1 of Winter’s Delights

You Can Imagine the Christmas Dinners by ardenteurophile (T, 23,584 w., 9 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Drama, Fluff & Angst, Humour, Romance) – Sherlock takes John along for Christmas dinner with Mycroft and Mummy (And “Anthea”, too). Over the course of the evening, John realises that everyone in the room - apart from him - seems to think that he and Sherlock are a couple. Part 2 of Xmas Dinners Verse

The Soul Remembers by i_ship_an_armada (E, 43,636 w., 10 Ch. || Oblivion AU || Post-Apocalypse, Movie Fusion, Science Fiction, Action/Adventure, Angst, Dreams, Bittersweet Ending) – John Watson is the lone security repairman stationed on a desolate, nearly-ruined future Earth. His dreams are plagued by a tall, dark-haired man, and when his dreams meet reality, he will be forced to question everything he believes is the truth about his life.

——

And here are several others that are close-but-not-quite:

So, this is normal for us now? by TooManyChoices (M, 1,445 w., 1 Ch. || Bed Sharing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Est. Rel., Cuddles) – John and Sherlock have been sharing a flat, and a life for some time. This is a story of how the glacially slow movement of their relationship makes another agonising crawl forward another inch.

The Case of the Made-Up Case by DoubleNegative (T, 2,394, 1 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Clubbing, First Kiss, For Science) - Sherlock takes John to a club. For a “case.” Yes, John, a case. Part 1 of The (Secret) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

Get It All in Writing by aceofhearts61 (T, 2,423 w., 1 Ch. || Ace Sherlock / Straight John, Love Letters, Romantic Friendship, Asexuality, Schmoop) – Sherlock and John write each other love notes. Part 8 of A Love with No Name

Surety by hudders (G, 2,477 w., 1 Ch. || Jealous Sherlock, Drunk John, Drunk Lestrade, Drinking, Alcohol) – Sherlock is pissed because it seems that four pints of larger, two shots of tequila and a glass of wine has resulted in Lestrade becoming a little bit too friendly with everyone. And by everyone, Sherlock really means John.

Where You Are by Mazarin221b (E, 2,478 w., 1 Ch. || Beach Sex, First Time, Fluff, Smut, Holidays, Pining) – He can admit he’s secretly a little glad Sherlock didn’t come with him. He needs a break. Sherlock is a handful at the best of times, and the near-constant apologizing, fixing, dealing-with, and following up on is exhausting. The near-constant unrequited attraction is a bit exhausting, too, to be honest, and John could really use a tiny bit of rest from the relentless hammering on his brain and heart.

Rooftop Confession by Random_Nexus (T, 2,514 w., 1 Ch. || Ace Sherlock, Developing Relationship, Friendship / Love, Angsty Fluff) – Sherlock asks John to join him for a slightly unexpected discussion.

Bagged & Tagged by Regency (T, 3,339 w., 1 Ch. || Drunken Confessions, Fluff and Crack, Marriage Proposal) – A very inebriated John devises a clever means of proposing marriage to Sherlock. Unfortunately he’s forgotten all about it by the next morning.

A Bit of Indulgence by beltainefaerie (NR, 3,364 w., 1 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pride Parade, Declarations of Love, Fluff, Dev. Rel., Case Fic) – A case leads John and Sherlock to fake being boyfriends and John runs into an old acquaintance.

Christmas at Holmes Cottage by johnlockedstarkid (G, 4,295 w., 7 Ch. || Christmas, Fake Relationship, Love Confessions, Holmes Family, Pining, Kisses, Fluff, Allusions to Mystrade) – Sherlock doesn’t want to have to deal with his mother’s wishes for him to find a partner when he goes to visit them for Christmas, so asks John to pose as his boyfriend. Little does he know he’s not the only one who wishes that the relationship could be real.

five times sherlock holmes lied to john watson (and one time he finally told the truth) by miss_frankenstein (G, 5,948 w., 5 Ch. || TAB Compliant || Homophobia, Pining Sherlock, Oscar Wilde Trials, Happy Ending) – Set in “The Abominable Bride” universe, this piece adopts a familiar format to chronicle Sherlock’s quiet suffering in the wake of the 1895 Oscar Wilde trials and the particular way they affect his relationship with (and feelings for) John.

Five Times John Noticed But Didn’t Really by ScandalousMinds (T, 6,383 w., 5 Ch. || Domestics, Fluff/Angst, Bratty Sherlock, Idiots, Pre-Slash, Jealous Sherlock, Love Confessions) – 5 times John (thought) he noticed something peculiar about his and Sherlock’s relationship but really missed the obvious.

that thing you like by misspamela (E, 7,165 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers) – “Happy Christmas, etc. etc.” Sherlock and John go to the Holmes’ for Christmas, and everyone thinks they’re together.

Unkissed by 221b_hound (E, 7,506 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Kiss/Time, John Thinks Sherlock is Ace, Dream-Merman-John, Kissing, Hand Jobs, Frottage, Hugs, Sherlock Doesn’t Realize They’re in a Relationship) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They’ve been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change. Part 1 of the Unkissed series

What Meets the Eye by worldaccordingtofangirls (M, 8,251 w., 1 Ch. || Amnesia, Fluff, Hospital) – Amnesia is just another case to solve. Piece together unfamiliar faces, reconstruct the old identity, the lost reality. A challenge that Sherlock could even enjoy. He can read people like books. The man with the silver hair is his boss. The tottering old woman, his landlady. The girl with the worried look in her eyes… infatuated. And as for John Watson? His husband. Obviously.

Bread and Wine and Curry Once a Week by cwb (E, 8,737 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Stroppy Sherlock, Love Letters, POV John) – Sherlock asks John for relationship advice. Little does he know that it’s him that Sherlock is in love with.

A Lifetime Together by LondonGypsy (M, 8,886 w., 1 Ch. || Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Falling in Love, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Pining Idiots, Alternating POVs, Domestics, Retirement) – John and Sherlock falling in love.

The River Variations by withoutawish (T, 11,619 w., 1 Ch. || Soulmates, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Three Garridebs, Romance, Light Case Fic, Near Death Experience, Angst and Fluff, Dark Humour) – John Watson never knew that he wanted a ‘no toast in the mornings’ normal until he realized what an honor it is to be destroyed by Sherlock Holmes.

John Watson doesn’t have a Boyfriend by naughtyspirit (E, 18,932 w., 7 Ch. || UST / URT, Fluff & Smut, Voyeurism, Masturbation) – John’s date has gone very well. Sherlock requires tea. John wishes he hadn’t resolved that their relationship was strictly hands off and isn’t about to address it. Unless he has to. Smut, fluff and shower time for a naked John Watson.

Just a Kiss by emmagrant01 (E, 19,695 w., 7 Ch. || 5+1, Case Fic) – Five times John and Sherlock kissed because of a case and one time they kissed for real.

Through the Clouds by Mazarin221b (E, 20,004 w., 6 Ch. || Retirement, Sussex, Bees, Home Improvement, First Time, Romance) – Sherlock takes a remarkably early retirement at 47, and convinces John that a change of pace would do them both good. They buy an old cottage on the South Downs, and exchange their nonstop life in Baker Street for quiet contemplation, bee studies, and book writing. They might go completely insane, but sometimes it takes stepping outside of the life you’re living to find the life you want. Part 1 of Through The Clouds

The White Lotuses by SilentAuror (E, 20,340 w., 1 Ch. || Slowburn, Domestic, Romance) – One day John realises that he just isn’t where he belongs, which is back at Baker Street with Sherlock. So he goes back and Sherlock, in his own way, courts him. Romance.

5 Times John Got the Girl (and lost her) and 1 Time John Got the Guy (and kept him) by LiviKate (M, 21,695 w., 6 Ch. || 5 and Ones, Kissing, Oblivious / Awkward Sherlock, BAMF / Sexy / Stud John, Embarassed John, John’s Scar, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Sherlock) – John has always had good luck with the ladies. He’s charming, friendly and funny, not to mention great in bed. However, his usual skill with the opposite sex is constantly being thwarted by Sherlock and his outbursts. How will John ever get a leg over when Sherlock is always cockblocking him?

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock’s parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

Among the Secret Things by Kate_Lear for coloredink (E, 26,073 w., 14 Ch. || Angst, Drama, Amnesia) – Sherlock would be the last person to describe himself as given to flights of fancy, but at the look on Lestrade’s face he could swear that something inside him curls up and dies. Part 1 of Among the Secret Things

Five Times They Kissed for a Case, and One Time They Kissed for Real by fleetwood_mouse (M, 32,406 w., 6 Ch. || 5+1, Slow Burn, Fluff / Angst, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers) – A stolen ring! An artful blogger! And many more adventures for your enjoyment.

Where Else Would I Be? by cwb (E, 34,910 w., 10 Ch. || Retirementlock, Domestic Fluff, Falling in Love, Parentlock, Fluff and Smut, Reminiscing) – John and Sherlock’s five-year-old granddaughter spends the weekend with them in Sussex. Sherlock happily indulges her whims, and John takes care of them while quietly revisiting the past thirty years of their lives together.

An Experiment in Empathy Series by belovedmuerto (T, 62,397 w. across 13 stories || Empath AU || Psychic John, Psychic-by-Proxy Sherlock, Empathy, Psychic Bond, Romance / Bromance) – In which John is an empath, Sherlock is Sherlock, and an epic bromance happens. In the aftermath of The Great Game, John creates an unexpected bond between himself and Sherlock. Now they have to learn how to deal with it. John is better at this than Sherlock is.

——-

BUT I have done a list in the past called “Do They Know They’re in a Relationship?” so I think you will enjoy that one too :)

If any of my Lovelies have any fics that meet the criteria, please let us know!!! Otherwise in the meantime, I think you’ll also enjoy these lists :)

[manic-panic-sapphic]

How did u figure it out you were a lesbian because I have no idea I can’t tell if I find boys attractive or if I just think they are cute (I don’t know how to word it) or if I think girls are attractive or if I just want to look like them. Can u offer any advice to figuring it out? Sorry to bother you.

You're not bothering me at all my friend, I'm happy to offer an answer! Well... I'll try, I'm not a good talker but I'm happy to do what I can to help ^^~♡

Now, before I say anything: I want u to know that its okay to be confused about sexuality, attraction and it's fine to question it - I sure as hell did! The best advice I have is to just take a deep breath and let it come to you. Let yourself fall in love and get into relationships in your own time. You don't have to label yourself, you can simply say "I just like people, I like what I like and I dont want to give it a label". Nothing wrong with that ^^ it's also okay if you dont know what kind of attraction you feel, romantic, sexual or otherwise - you can be pan- or bisexual and have certain preferences/attractions towards specific genders, I.e. you might really be into the idea of dating men but the thought of having sex with men grosses you out, whereas you could feel sexual and emotional attraction towards women. This doesn't make you explicitly lesbian, you're still pan/bi/label-less/whatever you choose to identify as, but just have a stronger preference for women. And that is okay - doesnt make you any less valid, so dont feel pressured about finding a label just yet ^^ it might come to you one day, it might change, and if you never figure it out, that's also fine! Sexuality is so fluid for some people that sometimes you physically can't narrow it down to something as simple as gay or straight.

I've personally always been a little on the fence regarding my sexuality. I dont think I've ever been into guys at the same level as a standard straight person... I've always felt pulled towards girls even if I couldnt really name the feeling. I just wanted to spend time with girls. Me being somewhere on the asexual spectrum and all, I don't really experience sexual attraction to any genders generally speaking, and throughout my high school years I never cared about finding a partner. I did not understand what my friends meant when they said "this person is so hot", be it male or female. I lied about a lot of my male crushes in high school because I thought there was something wrong with me and didnt want to be called out for being different. I wasnt too afraid of the 'lesbo-label', I've always been self confident in staying true to my identity, but the "you dont feel attraction? you must be a violent emotionless serial killer" rumours really scared me, especially because I was really into horror and black metal 😂😂

In terms of me realising I was a lesbian, I think I sort of figured it out when I came to the realisation that I had this massive need to protect someone, and to be the strong, dominant counterpart in a relationship. Unlike other girls I knew I didn't want a guy to protect me, to cuddle me, to buy me presents because I wanted that role. I've nicknamed it "the knight in shining armour complex" 😂. I preferred the company of girls, especially girls who were more feminine than me and physically smaller than me, who I could impress by showing my physical strength to them and taking stupid risks like trying to skateboard when I had no skill for it *cringes*. I didn't really like the idea of making myself look attractive to guys, or male attention, and I've always seen guys as equals in rivalry and friendships rather than people I'd like to date. Anyway I was 14 or so when I started silently identifying as bisexual because I realised how I was seriously into my best friend. I was like you at the time, not sure of what attraction I felt towards guys or girls, which is why I didnt jump straight to the lesbian label, but spending time with this girl who I'd known for 4 years sparked emotions that no guy ever had. I was the athletic one and always had a need to show her how "masculine" I was. I wanted to protect her from everything, I would feel so excited by little touches and hugs and when we'd share a bed at sleepovers, and I was really into the inside joke we had that she was my wife. She said it in the best friends way but I really wanted it to be true. I'd get super depressed and moody at her when she told me about male crushes because I wanted to have her for myself - again, I wasnt sure if it was me being a lesbian or a protective best friend. But yeah, it took me a year to think it over before I finally accepted that I might be a bit gay, hence why I took the bisexual label. Once the bitch I once called my best friend stabbed me in the back and caused me life long trauma and trust issues concerning relationships (thanks Kaye, really appreciate it), I didnt have any crushes on anyone for 3 years and just stuck to the bisexual ace label for that time. I was still really confused about sexuality but I had exams and university to think about so I thought 'screw it' and figured that it would just make sense once I found a partner... and it did. I met my first girlfriend at university, and spending time within a lesbian relationship made everything make sense: I had a 'eureka' moment where I was like "this is exactly what I've been wanting. This is what's been missing from my life. I now know for a fact that I like girls. I want this, I dont want a guy.". So in conclusion it took me near enough 5 years to work out that I was gay, and occasionally I'll meet a real soft super sweet guy and think "am I bi after all???", so even though I'm like 99% sure I'm lesbian and can't see myself ever getting married to and settling down with a man, that 1% swings by every now and then and makes me question everything.

I guess what I'm trying to say in a really really unnecessarily long answer: take your time. Embrace those emotions for guys and girls, and let it come to you. Theres no easy way to work it out, unfortunately, but You'll find the right people by just taking it one step at a time. I believe you'll come to a conclusion that works for you by just taking it easy and not forcing yourself into slots that you don't necessarily fit in. 😁 hope I was able to help at least a little~ 💕💕

[jojotichakorn]

Upcoming 2020 BL series (+ full info & personal rating)

For having nothing better to do and also thinking of what interesting new BL series the new year might bring to me this time around, I have compiled a list of all BLs that I could find that are supposed to come out in 2020. I’ve only added those BLs that are definitely coming out and are in production, and I’ve ranked them based on how interested I am in them, adding some useful information about them as well. Some key information is missing from a lot of the shows, and the farther we go into the list, the more mysterious the BLs become, but I will update, when new information becomes available. Mind that Why R U? is not mentioned since it’s already airing, but keep in mind that it’s also a series that exists this year, if you haven’t payed attention to it yet. In total, there ended up being 16 BL series (17 counting Why R U?). 2020 promises to be a rather fruitful year for BLs!

[All info on the series under the cut]:

2gether: The Series

Network: GMM One (Thailand)

Airs: February 21 - Unknown (On Fridays)

Synopsis: A student named Tine wants to get rid of an admirer. His friends suggest getting a pretend boyfriend – Sarawat. At first, Sarawat plays hard to get, but eventually he agrees. The two become close and intense emotions soon erupt. Are they just pretending or do they actually have feelings for each other? (Trailer)

Familiar faces: 

Despite the main couple being played by two unfamiliar faces, there is a lot of background characters played by actors that you are likely to have seen before. Frank and Drake, who have played a couple in My Tee and OurSkyy will return to play lovers once again. You might also know both of them from Blacklist. 

Others you might recognize are: Sarocha, who was in both OurSkyy and He’s Coming to Me; Toptap, who has played background characters in many dramas, among them Love Sick & Love Sick 2, Sotus, WaterBoyy, 3 Will Be Free and Blacklist; Mike, who is best known for his role of Bone in Theory of Love, and who was also in OurSkyy; Guy, who was in Sotus S, OurSkyy, He’s Coming to Me and 3 Will Be Free; Gun (Korawit), who played Cherry in Sotus S; Pluem, who is best know for his role of Rain in Kiss Me Again and Dark Blue Kiss; and JJ, who was in the Gifted, He’s Coming to Me and Blacklist (not to be confused with his twin brother AJ). (Cast)

My opinion: The amount of familiar faces this BL has is very comforting. I’ve wanted to see Frank and Drake play a couple somewhere apart from My Tee for a very long time, since that show wasn’t very good, and they finally will! Another background couple is going to be played by Mike and Toptap, which I find super exciting. The main couple also seems to be really great, and they do look like they have some good chemistry. Apart from that, I gather that the show is pretty fun, though rather dramatic as well - in the best traditions of GMM. The only thing that really worries me right now is us once again having “girl problems”, though where would the fake dating trope be without jealousy? Speaking of fake dating, it’s one of my favorite tropes and I’m very happy we are finally seeing it on screen! A bonus point for this show is also a couple of really reassuring LGBTQ+ supportive comments Bright, one of the two main actors, made - it’s always nice to know upfront that the actors we are supporting by watching the show are good people. So, in general, I’m most excited for this series and I hope it won’t disappoint!

My Ride: The Series

Network: Unknown (Thailand)

Episodes: 8

Synopsis: Tawan is a doctor, Mork is a motorcycle taxi driver. Tawan often hires Mork to drop him at his boyfriend's apartment, and so has gotten closer to the motorcycle driver. One day, when Mork knowingly makes Dr. Tawan late for his date, Dr. Tawan finds out that his boyfriend has been cheating on him. After the doctor breaks up with his boyfriend, he and Mork begin to get closer. This drama is about friendship and love that began as a passenger and a rider. (No trailers or teasers available as of yet).

Familiar faces: Out of the actors, you might recognize Fame, who played Guide in My Dream: The Series, and Mild, who played Techno in TharnType. It’s also interesting to mention that the person, who adapted the novel this series is based on to screen, is none other than everyone’s beloved Fluke (Teerapat) that is best known as Wad from Sotus. (Cast)

My opinion: This is on of the BLs I’m most excited about. The premise is interesting and unique, and it sounds promising, but honestly? Fuck all that noise, when we know that the series is based on a novel that was written by Patrick Rangsimant, who is a gay man! Now if that doesn’t sound exciting, I don’t know what does.

My Engineer: The Series

Network: Tencent Video (Thailand)

(It seems to be some sort of a Thai branch of Tencent Video, since it is originally a Chinese network that has brought us, among other things, The Untamed).

Airs: March 14 - Unknown (On Saturdays)

Synopsis: Despite coming out quite soon, there is no proper synopsis for this show. All we have for now is the short summary of how the story begins. One day, Duen is sleeping in the University Park. Bon sees him and soon spots an animal nearby. He tries to wake Deun up but Deun accidentally punches Bon in the face, sending him to the hospital. After the incident, Bon asks Deun to bring him a red rose every morning for a whole month as an apology. (Trailer)

Familiar faces: Do you ever watch a BL about engineering students and think to yourself: “So I guess this is another one of those Sotus-inspired ones”? Well, this time around it is definitely very much Sotus-inspired, since the director of the show, Lit, was also the director of Sotus. And before you start worrying, he had nothing to do with Sotus S, so whatever he’s done with this one - it should be pretty good, I think. As for the actors, the only face that might be familiar to you is Cooper’s, who plays a main character here and who played a main character in My Bromance. (Cast)

My opinion: I am also really excited for this one! It seems to have a total of three backgrounds couples, all of which are very different and have their own cute little storylines. But, that doesn’t mean that the main couple is not interesting! It very much is - you can clearly see that the actors have chemistry and, though the storyline seems fairly simple, it’s great nonetheless. Also, it seems that Bon is really sure and confident in his feelings towards Deun and spends the whole show proving them and trying to win him over, which is rather refreshing compared to most other BLs that have their mains spend most of the time in confusion and denial. Besides that, the jealousy trope is also quite involved in the show, but it seems like it’s executed well, in which case it can also be rather fun and exciting! Plus, it’s quite reassuring that the director was also behind Sotus, because I do love that show, and though it is comforting to see familiar faces on screen, seeing new actors makes for a really lovely new experience. 

A Tale of a Thousand Stars 

Network: GMM One (Thailand)

Synopsis: An idealistic young teacher, Torfun, volunteered to educate young kids in a far flung and rebel-infested Thai village. There, she met and fell in love with Phupha - a military officer who was protecting the place. Unfortunately, she died in a car accident. However, she happened to be an organ donor - after the accident her heart was given to a young man called Tian. Upon his recovery, Tian returns to the village and eventually meets Phupha. Will love spring between these two young men under such unlikely circumstances? (Trailer)

Familiar faces: The director of the show, Backaof, might be familiar to you, since he is responsible for OurSkyy, He’s Coming to Me and Dark Blue Kiss. You will most likely recognize one of the mains - Earth (Pirapat), who played in WaterBoyy, Kiss Me Again, Love by Chance and Theory of Love. You might also recognize White, who is best known for Love Sick & Love Sick 2, as well as WaterBoyy, ReminderS and Theory of Love. And Nammon, who previously appeared in WaterBoyy, Sotus S, Kiss Me Again, 3 Will Be Free and Blacklist. (Cast)

My opinion: So far, this series seems pretty fun and cute. I’m honestly not the biggest fan of the whole idea - I’m neither fond of new characters getting attached to their supposed past selves or some form of this trope, nor of the whole “he is him, but he is also this girl” thing. According to the trailer, this BL might also have a bad ending, which I definitely won’t be thrilled about to say the least. However, I do trust Backaof entirely, I have wanted to see Earth play a main role in a BL for a very long time, and seeing Nammon once again after last seeing him in Sotus S years ago is really heartwarming - but so far those are the only reasons why this show is so high on my list.

2moons3

Network: Mello Thailand

(It’s unclear if Mello is an actual network, but I couldn’t find any more information on them. It could also be Channel 3, since some things that Mello posts on its YouTube channel do belong to Channel 3, but don’t quote me on any of this).

Episodes: 12 (around 50 min. each)

Synopsis: Nothing is known, but the fact that it is a continuation of the 2moons2 story. (No trailers or teasers available as of yet).

Familiar faces: All six main actors are returning as their respective characters. (Cast)

My opinion: Since nothing concrete is known about this show, apart from the fact that it is the second season of 2moons2, there is not much to say. However, since I do love 2moons2 quite a lot, I am already excited for this one. And I do think it’s going to be more successful than second seasons of beloved BLs usually are, simply because they did really seem to rely on having another season to finish the story and they are not simply dragging it out by having this new season - this continuation is not only logical, but also undoubtedly necessary for the story to feel whole.

Oxygen: The Series

Network: Uknown (Thailand)

Synopsis: Orphaned at a very young age, Gui has had to work hard and provide for himself for as long as he can remember. But he still has a soft demeanor and a smile on his face. Solo can get anything he wants with a flick of his wrist. Money, fame, good looks - the boy has everything, except his smile. One day Solo sees a smiling boy (Gui) working at a cafe. They instantly connect, and Solo finds himself back in the cafe every night. They meet at the same spot, at the same time, until they soon come to realize that they have become each other's breath. A necessity. Just like oxygen. (Trailer)

Familiar faces: The director, Jane, is also responsible for Sotus S and OurSkyy. The only two actors you might recognize both play supporting roles - one of them is Prince who played Oak in Sotus, Sotus S and OurSkyy, the other one is Kan, who played Todd in Sotus S. (Cast)

My opinion: It does look and sound pretty cute, but according to the trailer there is some drama. Solo seems to have a fiancee which (I’m pretty sure) is like a rich people thing rather than him actually being in a relationship with this woman, but the drama aspect of it is still there. I’m also very worried about the fact that the director’s most prominent work is Sotus S, because we all know how bad that one went. So basically, I am looking forward to seeing what it’s made of, but I am very cautious of it too.

Friend Zone 2: Dangerous Area

Network: GMM One & LINE TV (Thailand)

Synopsis: We know nothing, apart from the fact that it’s a continuation of Friend Zone. (Trailer)

Familiar & unfamiliar faces: Since this is a continuation of a series, I’m switching this section up a bit to also note the unfamiliar faces and/or those who haven’t made it into the second season from the first one. Jojo is returning to direct Friend Zone once again, and it’s also important to note that he is responsible for 3 Will Be Free as well. The entire main cast from season 1 is coming back, along with Safe, who also becomes one of the main characters this time around. Safe is played by Joss, who is best known for his role in 3 Will Be Free. It’s unclear if the rest of the supporting cast is coming back as of now. The main cast is also joined by two people, who haven’t previously played in the show: Arm, who was in WaterBoyy and OurSkyy, and Pluem, who was in My Dear Loser and OurSkyy. (Cast)

My opinion: I haven’t watched Friend Zone, so I don’t really know what’s going on here. So far, I’m just really interested in watching something queer that has both Singto and Arm in it (because yes, finally Arm is also playing an LGBTQ+ character). This series is clearly super dramatic, which is kind of concerning, but it’s also very different from what we usually get in BLs, so I might give it a try. Right now, I’m kind of conflicted, but will probably give it a watch when it eventually comes out.

Love By Chance 2

Network: Most likely LINE TV & GMM 25 (Thailand)

(I assume those are the ones, since LBC belonged to them, but there is no clear information on whether LBC2 does as well).

Synopsis: So far, the whole synopsis we have is rather short and sweet. This series is a continuation of LBC with TinCan as the main couple. (Trailer)

Familiar & unfamiliar faces: So far the only one we won’t be seeing for sure seems to be Saint, though Cherreen, who played ChaAim, is also not on the cast list as of now. Otherwise, Perth is returning to the show, the actors (Mean, Plan, Gun, Mark, Title and Earth) of the three other couples (TinCan, TechnoKengkla and TumTar) are all returning, and along with them Yacht (Pond), Best (Good) and Samantha (Bow) are returning as well. The director of the first season, New, also remains the same. (Cast)

My opinion: I am rather conflicted about this new season right now. On the one hand, I do love TinCan and I do want to see the continuation of their story. On the other hand, I certainly don’t want to see the other two couples again. And, of course, the lack of Saint (or rather Pete) is the most important and disappointing part. I don’t know how they are going to go about it, but AePete is a crucial part of LBC - be it as a background couple or not - and not having them at all is just a terrible thing. Basically, what I’m trying to say is fuck Perth’s management and I hope they deal with this problem tastefully and appropriately. Either way, all this doubt is exactly why LBC2 is closer to the bottom of the list of the shows I’m interested in this year. 

Motor-Cycle: The Series

Network: LINE TV (Thailand)

(Always nice to know that sometimes GMM just isn’t involved at all, and we do know that LIVE TV has given us some really good BLs before - Love by Chance and Until We Meet Again among them).

Synopsis: A high school kid named Run loves to sneak out of his house to ride his motorbike. He drives around and feels exuberant by the ride and the freedom to do what he wants. When his bike breaks down, he meets Mike who quickly fixes it for him. Mike is an introverted, open-minded individual who works as a mechanic. But he’s no ordinary fixer. He has a lot of secrets. Both fall for each other but do not push further, since both of them are in a relationship. Will they end up pursuing each other, or will they remain with their current boyfriends? (No trailers or teasers available as of yet).

Familiar faces: A large part of the cast is unknown as of now - the only person who we know stars in the show for sure is also unfamiliar, since he is a newbie in the industry. (Cast)

My opinion: So far, it sounds kind of interesting. I love the new theme with motorbikes and leather jackets and whatnot - we haven’t got anything like that in BLs yet. It also sounds kind of promising that they are not pursuing each other, while in a relationship, but knowing BLs it’s probably handled much worse than it sounds. Also, it’s not clear if Mike’s age is close enough to Run’s age to be appropriate, since Run is specifically described as a high school kid, while Mike is already a working mechanic. Overall, I’m curious as to see where this goes next and can’t wait for new updates on this one. It could be something - whether that something is bad or good, we shall see soon enough.

Your Voice, My Heart

Network: Unknown (Taiwan)

Synopsis: Su Ye Xin left his parents to live on his own because they were furious and unsupportive after he told them he was gay. He is a huge fan of a famous dubbing artist Sheng Sheng and has a crush on him. Since he fears that Sheng Sheng is homophobic, he is using a female profile and is known among the fans, because everyone strongly supports his crush. Coincidentally, he has the chance to do private coaching for Sheng Sheng in real life, whose real name is Xie Xiao Sheng. Apart from his excitement to be able to get to know his crush in person, Su Ye Xin also realizes something bizarre about Xie Xiao Sheng. Xie Xiao Sheng’s occasional emotional outbreaks and his hate towards his cousin Gu Fan and his lover Shen Hai all point towards an incident that happened in his childhood… (No trailers or teasers available as of yet).

Familiar faces: So far not much is known about who was cast - most likely because, as it often happens, all of the actors are newbies and no one knows them or has interest in getting to know them right now.

My opinion: So far, it sounds kind of interesting. Taiwanese BLs are known for having more unusual themes and plots, and this one doesn’t seem to be an exception. They also seem to really be trying to tackle a number of LGBTQ+ topics, different kinds of homophobia included, which could either be a disaster or a refreshing new BL experience. I’m looking out for some news on this one, so I could see if it is indeed a disaster or not.

En of Love

Network: LINE TV

Airs: March - Unknown

Synopsis: So far, all we have is that this series follows three couples made up of engineering and medical students. (Teaser 1 - Teaser 2 - Teaser 3)

Familiar faces: New, who is responsible for Make it Right & Make it Right 2, Love By Chance, ReminderS and Until We Meet Again, is the director of this series. So far, the only familiar actors are a part of the supporting cast, and they are Yacht, who is best known for playing Pond in Love By Chance, and Best, who was Good in the same series. You might also recognize both of them from having a couple of small appearances in Until We Meet Again. (Cast)

My opinion: The teasers don’t really give us much, especially because two of them don’t have subs (which might be a worrying prediction for the future of how quickly and efficiently the subs for new episodes are going to be coming out). It seems kind of cute overall, and also slightly dramatic. The fact that New is responsible for it kind of makes me appreciate it a little more, but otherwise my interest has not been piqued even a little bit. I am looking forward to finding out more about this one, though.

Gen Y: The Series

Network: Unknown (Thailand)

Synopsis: We don’t have much of a concrete description for this one yet, all we know is that it tells the story of the love of teenagers who always seem to be so busy. (Trailer)

Familiar faces: New, who is responsible for Make it Right & Make it Right 2, Love by Chance, ReminderS and Until We Meet Again, is directing this one. There is also a lot of rumors going on about Copter and Kim of SBfive, who are best known for their 2moons roles of Kit and Ming respectively, being in this show. However, I haven’t seen them say anything about it and they are not in the trailer, so I don’t know how true those rumors are. (Cast)

My opinion: So far, the only promising thing about this show is the face of New being plastered on it. Otherwise, it really doesn’t interest me. However, if Kimmon and Copgi are indeed in the show, I might give it a try - and I certainly will, if they play a couple.

Puppy Love: The Series

Network: LINE TV (Thailand)

Synopsis: This is a story of a young man, who dreams of becoming the next Steve Jobs, and another young man, who is addicted to a game. Suddenly, both of their destinies change and they turn back to being children again. What will they do in this peculiar situation? (No trailers or teasers available as of yet).

Familiar faces: So far, the only person you might recognize is Oreo, who was in What the Duck & What the Duck 2. (Cast)

My opinion: There is very little that we know of this BL. The synopsis doesn’t sound very promising, though. Honestly, all we can do now is wait and see. So far, I am not interested.

Because of You

Network: Uknown (Taiwan)

Airs: February 14 - June 26 (On Fridays)

Episodes: 20

Synopsis: The story of three half-brothers from a large corporate family and the way they deal with the struggle of familial love and facing all possible situations associated with the feelings of “no way”, “impossible”, and “cannot”. (Trailer)

Familiar faces: Unsurprisingly, this being a Taiwanese show, there is no actors that we have seen anywhere before. (Cast)

My opinion: The trailer is very short and doesn’t really give us any info at all, and everything seems to clearly hint at at least one incestuous storyline between brothers. Overall, I don’t think I’m going to be giving this a shot, unless I hear something really good about it when it starts airing, which is really sad, because usually Taiwanese BLs are far more mature and solid than Thai ones.

The Shipper

Network: GMMTV (Thailand)

Synopsis: A fujoshi, who is a hard shipper of two of her classmates, gets into an accident and her soul gets trapped in one of their bodies. So she takes advantage of it, attempting to make her ship sail while in this boy’s body. Meanwhile, the boy’s brother notices that something is wrong. (Trailer)

Familiar faces: One of the main characters is played by Ohm, who was in Make It Right & Make It Right 2, He’s Coming to Me and Blacklist. Jennie, who was in Friend Zone and 3 Will Be Free, plays a background role as well. (Cast)

My opinion: This show makes me feel incredibly conflicted. The thing that stands out the most is the fact that the whole thing is based on a fujoshi’s inappropriate shipping, as well as the weird plot of the boy’s brother instantly realizing that it’s not his brother before him, but then starting to like this person that isn’t his brother, but that is in the body of his brother. At the same time, if it does a lot of mental and plot gymnastics, it can make this better, and there is some potential. Besides, the fact that Ohm and Jennie are in this series really makes me want to give it some sort of a chance. But, for now, I shall just wait it out and see what is going to happen further down the line. So far, I’m definitely staying away from it, though.

Your Star

Network: Uknown (Thailand)

Synopsis: The series revolves around a homophobic young man, who finds out that his younger brother is in a relationship with another guy. The situation becomes quite heated, but when his good friend begins meddling with his feelings, he starts to change his views, opening his heart up to his brother, his friend and himself. (Trailer)

Familiar faces: Lots of people would be excited to know that Fluke (Teerapat) has joined the cast as a background character - he is best known for his role as Wad in Sotus, and he was also in My Bromance. (Cast)

My opinion: The whole thing is quite confusing as of now. The last time a trailer came out was a year ago and it makes absolutely zero sense. Because there is no further explanation with the trailer, the synopsis really doesn’t make me hopeful about this one at all. And since I’ve never really been as in love with Wad and Fluke as everyone else, even his presence doesn’t save this series in me eyes. So far, I am absolutely not interested. 

--------------------------

(Resources used: youtube.com - mydramalist.com - psycho-milk.com - facebook.com/LazySubber)

[thewritewolf]

Eating Habits Chapter 15: Spring Show

Marinette’s a bundle of nerves as the much anticipated spring show finally arrives.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

Marinette stood behind stage, lurking near the curtains as she took quick peeks out at the unfolding show. Everything was going just as planned - the models certainly knew what they were doing as they strutted down the catwalk, the building was packed full of people, it all looked professional and high end, just like a real fashion show.

Maybe that was why she was freaking out so much. Because just like a real fashion show, there were critics in the crowd. People with notepads and discerning looks and frowning face coldly regarding the models wearing the product of five months of hard work. Today was a big day - either her pieces would get picked apart or they’d be praised highly. Or even worse - no one at all would comment on them.

If she got critiqued, it would suck and she’d feel awful, but it’d at least be helpful. She could use that to improve herself, find out where she was going wrong and fix it. Praise would be even better - with a glowing review, she’d get an edge on the competition. It would be an extra lucky charm in her arsenal when going out into the big scary world that was the fashion industry.

But not getting any attention at all? Good or bad?

Sometimes being forgotten was the worst outcome of them all.

Her train of thought derailed when she saw Adrien walk down the stage. While it was impossible for her to forget just how handsome he was, seeing him like this was something else entirely. The light caught on his hair, making it gleam like gold. His stride down the catwalk was full of the confidence of someone who had been practicing for almost as long as they could walk. Her jaw dropped, but the best part was when he turned around and began walking back. His emerald eyes flickered to where she was, pinning her in place.

The boy had the audacity to wink, making her heart melt and flutter uncontrollably at the same time. Before too long, he was slipping his arms around her waist again, pressing a kiss the side of her face.

“Enjoying the show, lovebug?” He murmured in her ear.

She wiggled around to face him, looking up at his too-smug face. He was too cute for his own good and he knew it, which was even worse.

“I’m terrified out of my mind, but yes, it is nice to watch my boyfriend strut his stuff.”

He laughed, honest and pure. “Don’t worry, we’re doing great. Looking good isn’t even a challenge when you’ve given me such a great wardrobe to work with.” He cupped her cheeks and pressed a short but tender kiss to her lips. “I gotta get changed. I’ll be back after my next walk.”

She sighed after him before turning her attention back to the show. Adrien wasn’t the only one modeling her pieces, after all, and she needed to gauge the crowd’s reaction to everything.

--------------------

If she thought that the show itself was bad, she hadn’t counted on what the after show was going to be like. Normally, she wasn’t exactly shy around people, but with her nerves frayed from the constant worry and knowing how much was riding on making a good impression on people… she wasn’t at her best.

Which made her all the more thankful for the friendly faces she saw arrive in support of her. Not just the ones she had made during her time at university - many of whom had shared the show with her - but older ones as well.

It was amazing how many of her friends from school had showed up to support their old class president. Rose had greeted her with a flying hug, followed by a more subdued one from Juleka. They were still going strong after all these years. Max and Kim and Odine gave their congratulations as well, as if she had already gotten some part in a big fashion house. Their faith in her was touching, and did a lot to calm her. But not nearly as much as when she saw a familiar wave of red hair forcing its way towards her.

“Girl! We’re so proud of you!” Alya said as she finally broke free of the crowd, wrapping her up in a hug. Hot on her heels was Nino, Chloe, and Kagami.

“Totally, dude!” Nino said, giving Marinette a hug as well once Alya gave her some breathing room. “All your stuff was absolutely swank!”

“Thanks you guys!” Marinette smiled widely at the two of them. Her eyes looked past them to Chloe, who noticed her stare.

“What do you want me to say? You did a great job; do you really need me to tell you that?” Chloe stumbled forward and huffed at Kagami. “Okay, fine. Your stuff wouldn’t have looked out of place at the New York runways I’ve been to.”

Kagami nodded approvingly before stepping up to Marinette and offering a shallow bow. The two of them locked eyes for a moment before giggling and sharing a hug.

“Don’t let her gruff exterior fool you - Chloe really was impressed by everything you put out. Given her upbringing, that means a lot.” As they pulled away, Kagami shot a meaningful glance toward Adrien and smiled. “But I suppose you already have someone like that.”

“Anyway - girl.” Alya grabbed Marinette’s shoulders and turned her so she was facing Alya. “This is a way big deal, so we’re gonna head over to your place and get ready to party. That alright by you?”

Marinette sagged in relief, the tension leaving her as she thought about what she had to look forward to after getting home. “After the past few weeks, I really need to unwind.” She narrowed her eyes. “But you better not get drunk before I get there. I want to relax, not babysit.”

“Chill, dude,” Nino said. “We’re gonna be bringing some stuff so we can just spend the night.” His face split into a grin. “The party is gonna be off the chain!”

Marinette and Adrien waved as their best friends left. More people came up to Marinette - professors, her parents, more of the people she knew from university. But there was one person that she didn’t know that stopped her just as the after party was winding down.

“Miss Dupain-Cheng?” The stranger said. She was sharply dressed in formal attire with a serious expression on her face.

“Um… yes? Hello, have we met?”

“Not yet, no. But there is something that we need to talk about…”

------------

Adrien took the lead going home since Marinette was still too dazed to focus on such mundane details. She took another glance at the letter in her hand. Apparently it was one of only a handful of such letters, and the only one that had gotten handed out tonight. While she felt bad for her other classmates, that took a backseat to the overwhelming joy she felt coursing through her system.

Inside the envelope was an offer for a prestigious internship at a famous fashion house. It was exactly what she had been hoping for when she had been painstakingly making all those pieces with such care. This was exactly the thing that could give her the experience and connections she’d need to start her own brand. Or even just rise in the ranks of the fashion house, if that’s what she wanted to do. Either way, this was an amazing opportunity.

Marinette was so caught up in it that she had completely forgotten that there was going to be four people waiting inside her home for her. The instant she opened the door, there was cheering - although Alya made sure to be heard above the rest of them.

It didn’t take long for them to notice that she was holding a letter. And once she explained to them what it was about, the cheering got even more enthusiastic.

Alya was squeezing her tight. “Girl, I told you! Didn’t I tell you? You’re wonderful, they were bound to figure it out eventually.”

“It’s gnarly! I’ve heard of those dudes, and I don’t know anything about fashion at all.” Nino lightly punched Marinette’s shoulder. “You’re def in the big leagues now, bro.”

“Yes, she is really moving up in the world,” Chloe said, rolling her eyes. “I believe that’s why we were here to celebrate?” She held up a bottle of wine and shook it. “Or do you guys want to spend a few more minutes patting each other on the back stone cold sober?”

Cutting through the tension, Marinette dug some wine glasses out of the cabinet. “You’ve got a point.” She grinned at her former enemy. “Pour us some drinks, Chloe!”

Chloe blinked at her in surprise for a moment before grinning. “Finally, someone with some sense!”

---------

Later that night (or perhaps more accurately, very early the following morning), Alya and Nino had finally dozed off. They were bundled together in a blanket, the picture of an adorable couple as they slept the deep sleep of the truly drunk. Adrien had ducked out of the room a few minutes ago and Marinette suspected that he had finally crashed in bed. Chloe hadn’t even made it anywhere comfortable, instead leaning down face first on the kitchen table.

Marinette happened to be in the kitchen eating cheese and crackers when Kagami picked up Chloe as if she weighed nothing.

“Where are you two going?”

“Sorry,” Kagami began, “but I’m going to take Chloe home. She… tends to exaggerate her abilities when it comes to her alcohol tolerance. After everything that’s happened tonight… she’s going to want to wake up in a familiar bed. It’ll make the hang over just a little more tolerable.”

“Are you…” Marinette yawned, the long, long day finally catching up with her. “Are you going to be okay to drive?”

“I didn’t have anything to drink beyond the first glass of wine.” She paused. “It was a fine vintage, by the way. I always prefered French beverages over Japanese.”

There was a long silence between them. Without other people around to drive the conversation, they were left feeling awkward. Their friendship had started off well, but after Marinette and Adrien had started dating, it had soured it for a while. At least until Kagami made a discovery of her own.

They were better now, but those old shadows of confusion and jealousy had left their mark.

Kagami adjusted her grip on Chloe, holding her like she weighed nothing. It reminded Marinette that while Adrien had stopped fencing and training, Kagami never did.

“I’ll see you later?” Marinette said, sounding more like an invitation than a goodbye.

Kagami gave a small smile. “Of course. I would love to. And Marinette?”

“Hm?”

“You were phenomenal today, and you deserve that internship. I wish you all the best.”

Without another word, Kagami opened the door and walked out of the house. After staring at the empty space where she had been for a few minutes, Marinette felt a small smile spread across her face.

Ten minutes later, Marinette had curled herself into bed next to her handsome, warm boyfriend and dreamed peacefully.

[mexcraziness-art]

Voltron NextGen Multi-Reality AU Basics (S8 UPDATE)

Voltron NextGen Multi-Reality AU

SPOILER WARNING FOR S8

 Or just Multi AU for short. As a multishipper I’ve suffered with all my ships and NextGen ideas for a long time now, until I came to the conclusion: Why make an AU for every single ship when I can make 1 BIG AU for all of them? I mean with Alternative Realities being a thing it’s basically a free-for-all!

That’s how I came up with the Multi-Reality NextGen AU, honestly I’m only calling it an „AU” as a formality…

 Basically, every ship is canon. EVERY SHIP. I may personally not like a couple of ships but that doesn’t mean I don’t want others to have fun. So yeah, fight me.

And of course with this being an inter-reality AU the crossovers are endless… honestly come to think of it, this whole AU is pure self-indulgence, nothing else.

 I just enjoy designing NextGen children for my ships with some very little story ideas here and there and some crossovers. That’s all this is.

 But since I’m putting this out there in the void I might as well write up some basics to make it easy.

 Also this is probably obvious, this being a NextGen, but there’s a general warning for MPreg for the whole thing.

 As for all Realities:

 -          I headcanon Galras to have both set of reproductive organs, so all females and males can impregnante and become pregnant all the same, though the dominance of each organ can change in cycles.

 -          Also miss me with that „Allura is a teenager” bullshit, I headcanon her to be around 23 years in human terms in S1.

 -          I also headcanon Pidge to be a Trans Girl.

 -          Also you can pry Half-Korean Keith from my cold dead hands.

 -          Also also I headcanon Keith and Axca to be siblings, so unless I state otherwise just assume they’re are siblings.

 -          Depending on Reality Adam is alive. Also miss me with Adam dying in the Canon Reality too, my guy just lost a leg and was saved by the resistence and was chilling in the desert the whole time, okay?

 -          Krolivan is totally a thing in all my realities.

 The main gang’s ages through the Canon in my interpretation:

Pre-Kerberos:

Shiro: 24

Keith: 17

Lance: 16

Hunk: 17

Pidge: 14

Allura: -

 Season 1-5:

Shiro: 25

Keith: 18

Lance: 17

Hunk: 18

Pidge: 15

Allura: „22”

 Season 6:

Shiro: 26

Keith: 21 (+2 years)

Lance: 18

Hunk: 19

Pidge: 16

Allura: „23”

 Season 7 (by the time they get back to Earth):

Shiro: 27

Keith: 22

Lance: 19

Hunk: 20

Pidge: 17

Allura: „24”

 Season 8 (by the end of S8):

Shiro: 28

Keith: 23

Lance: 20

Hunk: 21

Pidge: 18

Allura: „25”

 1 year later:

Shiro: 29

Keith: 24

Lance: 21

Hunk: 22

Pidge: 19

 Epilouge (5 years later):

Shiro: 34

Keith: 29

Lance: 26

Hunk: 27

Pidge: 24

 Most of the AU focuses on a couple of ships of my liking and their children, those being:

 Klance Reality:

Everything happens mostly according to canon, up until about S6. The key differences being:

-          Thace is Keith’s Uncle, being Krolia’s brother, he also survives in this AU.

-          The Castle doesn’t get destroyed.

-          The 3 years gap still happen.

-          On their way home they find a Shiro clone who managed to stay alive but never found his way back to Voltron, Shiro has a twin now (they decide to call him Ryou because I’m creative like that).

-          Shiro gets an Altean like arm.

-          Adam doesn’t die.

-          They go back to Earth and save it from Sendak, but Earth doesn’t become the center of the Voltron Coalition.

-          Allura doesn’t die.

-          Allurance happens at first but later they realise it’s not working, so they split sometime after S8.

-          Adashi, Thoran and Hunay happen.

-          No Altean Lance at all.

-          No Curto either.

-          Altea and Daibazaal aren’t reborn.

-          The Lions don’t leave.

 More stuff to know about the Klance Reality:

-          They eventually switch back the Lions with Allura going back to pilot the Castle and Ryou going to pilot Blue.

-          Allura will eventually become Queen Allura, and they’ll reform the Coalition with a more Altean center.

-          The Empire will be completley wiped out and they’ll work on clearing the universe from rogue warlords and pirate captains. Also re-habiliting and re-integrating galras into the universe.

-          Keith will have a more Galra like appearance after their third kid, because he got infected with a bio-chemical weapon virus and part of the procedure to save him was to amplify his Galra genes.

 Keith and Lance will have 8 children:

-          Rosalie „Rosa” and Thace „Ace” McClain-Kogane:

30 years old, the oldest of the children, twins, with Rosa being older out of the two of them. Rosa is named after Lance’s Mom, Ace is named after Thace, Keith’s Uncle. Rosa is a Field Commander and later she’ll become the Red Paladin. Ace is the Royal Commander and later the Black Paladin.

 -          Amelia „Amy” McClain-Kogane:

26 years old, smaller and sickly due to Keith’s sickness during the pregnancy. The future pilot/Captain of the Castle, she will pilot it with a pair of Altean gauntlets Allura made for her.

(She’s named after Amelia Earhart because I’m a history nerd.)

 -          Violet and Liliac McClain-Kogane:

21 years old, twins, with Violet being older. Both of them just freshly graduated, Violet is a diplomat, Liliac is a mechanic. Violet is the future Blue Paladin, Lilian is the future Green Paladin.

 -          Akira McClain-Kogane:

18 years old, going to graduate soon, possible future Black Paladin. He prefers to work with the Rebels, can’t quite find his place yet.

 -          Clarisse „Claire” McClaine-Kogane:

16 years old, the problem child of the family, possible future Red Paladin, nopes out to join the Blade of Marmora in secret.

 -          Charles „Chuck” McClaine-Kogane:

12 years old, youngest and last of the children, future Yellow Paladin, upcomming tech genius.

 As for the ages of everyone in the present of the Klance Reality:

 Shiro: 62

Keith: 57

Lance: 54

Hunk: 55

Pidge: 52

Allura: „59”

  Sheith Reality:

This reality follows canon the most closely, but there’s almost a slight „underage” warning, „underage” being Keith is 17 at the start.

 -          Shiro and Keith kind of „got together” just before the Kerberos mission, a good while after Shiro and Adam broke up, it wasn’t exactly official, they were supposed to figure it out after Shiro came back.

-          They had a one-night-stand before the Kerberos mission, Keith got pregnant, and since he wasn’t aware he’s half-galra, he was thought to be some kind of intersex.

-          Adam helped Keith, and helped him keep it a secret, and even helped him after he got expelled.

-          Adam was taking care of the kid when Shiro came back and they found the Blue Lion and kept taking care of her after their disappearance for 3 years until his „death.”

-          Curtis takes care of Hoshi after Adam’s death mostly. (haha)

-          Since Shiro didn’t bring up their Pre-Kerberos „relationship” neither did Keith, only until they were on their way back to Earth, that’s when he told him about the kid too.

-          Earth’s becomes the Center of the Coalition.

-          After the Universe is safe, Shiro and Keith „settle down” in the desert, Shiro keeps working as Admiral of the Garrison and Captain of the Atlas, Keith as Leader of Voltron keeping the universe safe.

-          Shiro had a twin brother called Ryou in this Reality but he also had Shiro’s disease and he already died from it.

-          Allura doesn’t die.

-          Altea and Daibazaal aren’t reborn.

-          Punk and Allurance happen.

-          Curto doesn’t happen.

-          The Lions don’t leave.

-          No Altean Lance at all.

  Shiro and Keith will have 3 children:

-          Hoshi Shirogane:

26 years old, mechanic and teacher at the Garrison, future Black Paladin.

 -          Ryou Shirogane:

16 years old, talented pilot, Cadet at the Garrison, the discipline case, named after Shiro’s twin brother.

 -          Sora Shirogane

11 years old, troublemaker with the face of an angel, she has very good strategic skills.

 Everyone’s ages in the Sheith Reality:

 Shiro: 50

Keith: 45

Lance: 42

Allura: „47”

Hunk: 43

Pidge: 40

  Shallura Reality:

This reality is pretty close to the Klance Reality, since originally they were in the same reality but I changed it later.

 -          Thace and Ulaz both survive.

-          The Castle doesn’t get destroyed.

-          Allurance doesn’t happen at all, Lance gives up on her and they form a strong sibling like friendship.

-          The 3 years gap still happen.

-          They go back to Earth and save it from Sendak, but there’s no Atlas and Earth doesn’t become the center of the Voltron Coalition.

-          They occasionally go back to Earth.

-          They eventually switch back the Lions with Allura going back to pilot the Castle, Shiro going back to Black, Keith to Red and Lance to Blue.

-          Allura doesn’t die.

-          Altea and Daibazaal are still reborn.

-          Allura will eventually become Queen Allura, (and King Shiro?) and they’ll reform the Coalition with New Altea at the center.

-          Keith becomes the new Galra Emperor of Daibazaal.

-          Shiro gets an Altean arm.

-          Hunay, Laxum and Thalaz happen.

-          Curto doesn’t happen.

-          The Lions don’t leave.

-          No Altean Lance at all.

  Shiro and Allura will have 3 children:

-          Prince Alfor (Jr.)

28 years old, future King, currently diplomat and Ship Commander. Named after King Alfor obviously. Has some alchemy abilities.

 -          Prince Leo

22 years old, new Captain of the Royal Guard. Doesn’t have alchemy abilities. (Yet?)

 -          Princess Hikari

17 years old, wannabe explorer, future diplomat, alchemist in training.

 Everyone’s ages for the Shallura Reality:

 Shiro: 63

Allura: „60”

Lance: 55

Keith: 58

Hunk: 56

Pidge: 53

  Svlav Reality:

Honestly this is just the Altean Empire Reality. Like I legit planned this to happen in the canon Altean Empire Reality but it can just as well be a variation of it. Everything is exactly the same except Sven and Slav having a daughter.

 Sven and Slav will have 1 kid:

-          Yume, 15 years old, member of the Guns of Gamara, her existence is considered an anomaly in all realities, this gives her a good amount of existential anxiety.

  Loturra Reality:

This also mostly follows canon, just with Lotor Redemption.

 -          Lotor doesn’t kill Narti.

-          Lotor also unlocks the secrets of Oriand.

-          (Lotor doesn’t lie to the alteans on the Colony, they can volunteer for the Quintessence extraction „experiment”.) I don’t know what to do with this part yet, bear with me.

-          Lotor DOES go kind of mad from the Quintessence exposure when they go in to the Quintessence Field with Allura.

-          Lotor and his Generals form Sincline and fight Voltron, but Voltron saves them in the end and Allura cures Lotor.

-          Sincline will fight beside Voltron.

-          Lotor doesn’t die.

-          The 3 years gap still happen.

-          They still go back to Earth and save it from Sendak together.

-          Shiro still becomes Captain of the Atlas.

-          Allura doesn’t die (duh).

-          Altea and Daibazaal aren’t reborn.

They’ll eventually unify the Galra Empire again this time on the right path and start to build New Altea with the Colony Alteans. Galrans and Altean unite on a new home.

-          Empress Allura and Emperor Lotor.

-          After Kolivan and Krolia retire, Keith becomes the new Leader of the Blade of Marmora together with Axca.

-          Allura becomes the Black Paladin.

-          I don’t know who’ll be the Blue Paladin yet.

-          Curto doesn’t happen.

-          The Lions don’t leave.

-          Kaxca and Shlav happens.

-          No Altean Lance at all.

 Lotor and Allura will have 2 children:

-          Prince Alfor the II. and Princess Honerva

23 years old, the royal twins, with Princess Honerva being older. Princess Honorva is a great warrior and future Empress. Prince Alfor is a talented alchemist and diplomat.

 Everyone’s ages for the Loturra Reality:

Allura: „59”

Lotor: „61”

Shiro: 62

Lance: 54

Keith: 57

Hunk: 55

Pidge: 52

  Shendak Reality:

Oh boy, here comes another hard one. This Reality is probably the most different of all and the least worked out. This is basically Sendak redemption with Sendak not being That Bad™.

 -          Sendak has a strong sense of honor.

-          After Voltron defeats Sendak, Zarkon denounce him a disgrace and „exiles” him from the Empire.

-          They eventually meet him again and he eventually joins them.

-          At first Sendak works with the Rebels later he joins the Blade of Marmora.

-          Allura doesn’t die.

-          Allurance happens.

-          Altean Lance happens.

-          Altea and Daibazaal are still reborn.

-          The Lions don’t leave.

  Shiro and Sendak will have 2 children:

-          Arashi and Urax

25 years old, twins, with Urax being older. Both of them are pretty problematic, but strong warriors.

 Uliro Reality:

This Reality is pretty much the same as canon, just with Ulaz surviving. That’s pretty much all that changes really.

 -          Ulaz survives the fight with the robobeast, he gets trapped in the pocket-dimension and they later free him with the help of Slav in the 3 years gap.

-          Ulaz will be amongst the surviving members of the Blade.

-          He meets with Shiro again no Earth after they defeat Sendak.

-          Probably Galtean Klance will happen at some point? I don’t have that many details on this reality yet.

 Ulaz and Shiro will have 1 son.

 Some other ships that don’t have their own reality but happen in already mentioned realities:

-          Thoran happens in the Klance Reality.

-          Hunay also happens in the Klance Reality, also the Shallura Reality:

Hunk and Shay will have 1 daughter, 14 years old, Koru.

-          Punk happens in the Sheith Reality.

-          Allurance also happens in the Sheith Reality and the Shendak Reality

Allura and Lance will have 2 children, a girl 19 years old, and a boy 14 years old. They boy will have alchemy abilities. They don’t have names yet sorry.

-          Laxum happens in the Shallura Reality.

Lance and Plaxum will have 2 children, 23 years old, twins a boy and a girl, they’ll both be amphibious, able to change between mermaid and human form.

-          Kaxca happens in the Loturra Reality.

Axca and Keith are not related at all, and they’ll have 2 kids, a girl 19 years old, member of the Blade of Marmora, and Yorak, 14 years old boy.

-          Thalaz happens in the Shallura Reality.

-          Shlav also happens in the Loturra Reality, they’ll have 1 daughter, 13 years old, (Yami) Yumi, she was genetically made by the Galra from Shiro and Slav’s DNA, to see what happens if they mix their strongest and smartest captive: the answer is anxiety and bad impulse control.

 Yeah, all the „Castle doesn’t get Destroyed” will be just solved by Allura pulling some Mary Sue magic thing, she does that often enough in canon.

 And the „Allura doesn’t die” is basically that, most of these will be wiped out for some time when Honerva destroys all realities except 1, so when canon Allura sacrifices herself to save all realities these AU realites just get restored and they just normally fight and defeat Honerva. (Tho this depends on reality since in some of them the story takes a whole different turn from her to begin with.)

 I’ll also add to this file as I go along and figure things out, but I think this is it for now!

OKAY THIS TOOK ME ALL NIGHT TO TYPE

Seriously I’m highkey proud of myself for finally sitting down and typing this up, even if it’s probably highkey cringey but fight me I’m still proud.

[kylorenpunk]

Do them all. Suffer as I did 😂

Bitch I told you this was our friendship. We force each other to answer all the questions. 

1. selfie

Well… I wasn’t dubbed Selfie Queen for nothing… 

This one is interesting bc I have zero makeup on. The most recent ones are too blurry. A lot of my fav selfies are full faces of makeup tho. 

2. what would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a decision for both parents but I really like the names Felicity, Isabella and Dimitri. Yes, all of them are names from various franchises I enjoyed throughout the years. Be glad I’m out of my phase where I thought Vladimir was a good name. 

3. do you miss anyone?

I miss all my friends I don’t get to see frequently. Love all of y’all and hope y’all are doing well in life! 

4. what are you looking forward to?

Fucking graduating. Jesus Christ it’s taken me five damn years. 

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

From my club it’s Chris, Yara and Josephine. Also my entire friend group from back home. Honestly I love my friends so much. 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

I feel like every situation is different so that’s a tough question to answer. 

7. what was your life like last year?

I honestly don’t remember much from December of last year. It was a good time though. 

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I’m an emotional bitch. I’ll cry over anything. I cried over fucking Mulan the other day. 

9. who did you last see in person?

My parents and brother. Earlier in the day my club. 

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I’m shit at it. My face gives away everything. The other day my professor was going into her inspiration porn narrative and I just gave her a cold dead look the entire time. 

11. are you listening to music right now?

No but I have the Hamilton soundtrack stuck in my head right now since that’s what I was last listening to. If you haven’t heard it I highly suggest it. Man I wanna see it so badly. 

12. what is something you want right now?

Sleep but I’m trying not to throw off my sleep schedule right now and am waiting a bit before going to bed. I only got three hours of sleep last night so that’s fun. 

13. how do you feel right now?

Kinda tired. Relieved that I got two service projects in a row done today. It’s been a long weekend. 

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

My friend Sebastian hugged me when I dropped him off. I guess that counts. 

15. personality description

I’m a makeup loving nerd who enjoys sitting in pajamas watching anime and superheros as much as she enjoys swatching EVERY lipstick in Sephora. According to my friends I can’t go 5 seconds without mentioning how old I feel and my love for Dungeons and Dragons. I’m also an asshole. (Wow this sounds like a 12 year old writing this)

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yeah tons of times. It’s bitten me in the ass. Oh well live and learn I guess? 

17. opinion on insecurities.

Everyone has them? If they say they don’t then they are lying. Mine is mainly related to my appearance or how I speak. 

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

I miss how things were in the beginning of this year. It started off strong then kinda turned into a shit show. 

19. have you ever been to New York?

No but it’s my top thing on my bucket list. My friends and I are highly considering a trip. 

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

Of all time: Get Low by Lil Jon 

Currently: “Told You So” by Little Mix (If you haven’t heard their new album I highly suggest it if you love girl groups that preach women empowerment) 

21. age and birthday?

22 - June 21st (She’s a Cancer)

22. description of crush.

I don’t have a hardcore crush right now. More like 5 second crushes that are over the second they do something I don’t like. 

Edit: Currently “celebrity?” crush is Nathan Sharp. I am seriously considering dropping $55 to see him at a convention this month. 

23. fear(s)

Heights, something terrible happening to my loved ones, wild snakes, and the usual common anxiety fears 

24. height

Five foot three inches. I’m short. Yes I know it’s not that short but tall people like to put me in the short category anyway. 

25. role model

My mom’s coworker who was my internship supervisor. She has a doctorate’s in what I want to do and is amazing at what she does. The amount of knowledge and experience that women has is incredible. She is also extremely funny and knows how to teach with a sense of humor which I appreciate. 

26. idol(s)

Celebrity idols? I don’t really idolize celebrities bc humans are humans and have flaws. 

27. things i hate

Immaturity, intolerance of differences, demeaning slurs, The Last Jedi, and the new Fantastic Beasts movie 

28. i’ll love you if…

Play with my hair, are kind to my friends and family, share common interests, show an interest in what I have to say, basically respect me and those close to me and we’re good 

29. favourite film(s)

Hairspray, High School Musical, The Greatest Showman, Stardust, The Harry Potter series, Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy

30. favourite tv show(s)

Jane the Virgin, Naruto (fuck off I hate myself too ok), the first three seasons of Arrow before it turned to shit

31. 3 random facts

I’m not artistically talented but I genuinely enjoy makeup and creating looks

I have a nonverbal brother with autism and he’s my favorite person ever

I completely programmed my brother’s communication device by myself 

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Now my friends are mainly girls but when I lived in Tampa 90% of my friends over there were guys (Hi Mason). I’m going to say that’s bc of us all playing video games in the Delta lounge (RIP Dirty D). But yeah now it’s mainly girls and 80% of my dude friends are gay. 

33. something you want to learn

Sign Language. Ice skating. Hairstyling. Fashion (I’m trying to be better about putting clothes together). Also I’m down to learn more about makeup and techniques 

34. most embarrassing moment

Either farting while doing an air guitar in front of my entire girl scout troop

or signing to my friend that I liked her friend at a party and his brother repeated what I had signed out loud in front of everyone

wait. No. When I F U C K E D  up in front a super hot guy while volunteering and then chose an 18 year old jock as my wingman. 18 year olds are dumbasses. Don’t use them as wingmen. Fuck you Khaled. 

35. favourite subject

In grade school I think it was English or History. It really all depended on the year. 

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

VISIT NEW YORK 

Hike the Smokey Mountains 

Visit Europe 

37. favourite actor/actress

Chris Evans (especially when he is trying to fight orange president on twitter) 

Also Mark Hamill is perfect 

38. favourite comedian(s)

I don’t watch comedians often. I guess the Fluffy guy? 

39. favourite sport(s)

The only time I give a shit about sports is when my university is undefeated or playing my first university in football. Or the soccer world cup if it’s on. However I appreciate the skill it takes to do a sport. 

40. favourite memory

San Antonio. It was my first time traveling without family and it was the greatest time. It was such a cool city 

41. relationship status 

Single - I take my sweet ass time 

42. favourite book(s)

Eragon (No, I haven’t finished the entire series. No, I don’t want spoilers bc I will do it eventually.) 

43. favourite song ever

“Get Low” by Lil Jon 

“Look Through My Eyes” by Phil Collins 

44. age you get mistaken for

Last year I got mistaken twice in a row within an hour for a middle schooler. I was 21 at at that time. During my internship one of the parents asked me if I had any kids. I’m either mistaken as a parent or as a 13-15 year old. There is no in between.  

45. how you found out about your idol

N/A since I don’t have an idol

46. what my last text message says

“lmao it’s alright” to Joey but the previous one is more funny “thankfully no one threw up this time” in regards to my friend’s party last night

47. turn ons

Well I aint about to talk about my sex life so let’s go with personality 

Common interests such as superheros or anime, charismatic, easy to get along with, common goals in life, cares about their loved ones, has passion, and someone I can hold an intellectual conversation with 

48. turn offs

rudeness, immaturity, inattentiveness, bad tempers, superiority complex, not being genuine, judging others, treating people like objects, and general lack of care for others or themselves

49. where i want to be right now

Back in the smokey mountains in a cabin watching movies and anime

50. favourite picture of your idol

N/A 

51. starsign

She’s an emotional Cancer

52. something i’m talented at

Apparently I’m good with kids      Makeup too I guess? 

53. 5 things that make me happy

friends, family, nerdy shit, makeup and Kakashi

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

Some shit happened last night that has me worried for some friends but I’m sure they’ll figure it out 

55. tumblr friends

A shit ton of y’all I know IRL. I won’t tag y’all bc that’s annoying af 

Joey’s my only internet friend @earthschampion (answer my text bitch) 

56. favourite food(s)

pasta, empanadas, crab rangoons, taziki sauce 

57. favourite animal(s)

Meerkats and koala bears

58. description of my best friend

K @burnitstronger: realest damn friend you will ever have. Will tell you how it is and provide never ending love and support. Never understands my dumbass shenanigans but loves me anyway. Love you boo 

J : Will also tell you how it is and forces you to watch Naruto and ruin your damn life. Will happily go with you to eat junk food after class. Will fight anyone who wrongs you and is def still plotting revenge on all my ex’s. Stans Loona

M: Will scream at you in Leo in a frightening but loving way. Has the best damn fashion sense I have ever seen. Is the friend that comes by when I need her to and brings a shit ton of snacks and love (J does this as well).

59. why i joined tumblr

I was bored on fourth of July in 2012 and my friends kept telling me that this website would be fun. Also the avengers “fandom” from back then 

60. ask me anything you want

I would say I’m sorry Mason but I enjoy making all my friends suffer. Make sure to give him a follow bc he’s cool. @masonjar828

[chubbychasershortstories]

Early Lessons - Chapters 5, 6 & 7

Chapter 5: Linda, John and Butch

There was a sweet girl about my age working at BK at that time named Linda. She always seemed to smile through the grueling work and I had no idea how she managed it. I worked really hard, but I wasn’t particularly happy while doing it.

We ended a dinner shift together at 10pm and as we left, we headed down the same street. I offered to escort her home as we didn’t live in the safest of neighborhoods. She accepted, thanking me, and asked me in when we made it to her apartment.

We chatted and got to know each other better while sipping on sodas. She was a very warm and caring person. I suddenly had a strange urge and just blurted it out, “I’m gay.” I had never admitted this to anyone I wasn’t in love with. Her response was, “Wow, I’ve never had a gay friend before.” She called me a friend on our first meeting and it felt great. She seemed totally intrigued and asked me questions I hadn’t even considered and couldn’t really answer, given my limited experience.

She opened up to me too and told me she was almost 18 now and had been kicked out of her home for dating someone her parents disapproved of vehemently. The two were married in a civil ceremony 2 months later and shared this apartment. He worked construction on a 10 days out - 4 days in schedule. I really liked John when we met and the three of us would party together and shoot pool at a nearby hall.

Linda had already explained to John that she had a gay friend now and he took it in stride and never made any untoward comments about it. I really respected him for that. We were in Texas after all. The second time we met, John gave me a hug when he got home right after giving Linda a hug and a kiss. He thanked me for being a good friend to Linda. He said he felt better about leaving her alone knowing I would be there for her. It felt really good to have close friends from whom I didn’t need to hide anything about myself. It felt very liberating.

I soon met Linda’s ‘lover on the side’, Butch. He was a reform school kid about our age. He had a very lanky build, weighing barely more than I. He had reform school tattoos that looked horrible and a peculiar haircut with the straight bangs cut at an angle across his face, high to low. He was an exhibitionist as well and I ended up watching him plow Linda with his massive cock on the day we met. Massive didn’t cover it. His cock looked to be 14 inches in length and as thick as a can of beer. I’m not exaggerating. Linda had her head thrown back in a rapturous pose. Butch kept looking back at my awed expression and looked quite pleased with himself at my stunned reaction. Afterward, he would often come by my garage apartment on his own to chat and party and we had a decent friendship of our own going.

John’s current work project finished before the 10-day mark. He arrived home at mid-day unexpectedly and heard a huge commotion in the bedroom. Butch had barely scrambled out the 2nd story window leaving the screen in tatters. John pressed Linda for what was going on and why the window had no screen left.

I heard a knock on my door. It was John with Linda in tow. She was staring at the ground. “Did you just jump out of my bedroom window?” he asked, incredulously. Linda had fumbled for her explanation on his return and resorted to accusing me since John knew I would not have been screwing her behind his back. She really didn’t want to admit to the truth.

I answered, “No?” wondering where the question would have come from. Then the pieces fell into place in my mind. “You LIED to me!” he directed at Linda as she started to cry. “Who WAS it?!?”

I asked them to come inside and talk about it. I don’t know where I found the “wisdom” having no experience, but I sat them down and walked through having them explain what their needs and expectations were. I told them I could feel that they belonged together and that they should work on accommodating each other’s needs to make their marriage work. Otherwise, one or both of them would be suffering until they would inevitably have to break it off. They agreed and worked out a new set of boundaries that they could both accept so that they could remain together in a more honest arrangement. They both hugged me hard and thanked me before leaving for home, hand in hand. Who would have thought that an inexperienced, gay 16-year-old could be a successful marriage counselor?

Chapter 6: The Descent

At work, I continued to outpace every other worker with at least twice the production. I learned my work ethic with my first job at age 5 reclaiming salvaged bricks from demolitions with a hand hatchet and huge screwdriver for a penny a brick.

I had been closing on the weekends for 3 years now. I always hustled while others plodded overnight. I was a smoker and really needed at least a drag or two but wasn’t going to ask for a break. So, I had my smoke in my mouth and lighter in hand as I hustled out the back door with another full trash bin on wheels, headed towards the dumpster in the back of the parking lot. Without missing a beat, I lit the cigarette and enjoyed a partial smoke while quickly dumping the trash and bouncing back. I stomped the smoke out in stride as I hit the back door buzzer.

The closing manager was a tall, skinny Hispanic guy who really didn’t like me for some reason. I think it was straight up racism, but I had tolerated his “white boy” comments and extra assignments without protest. He called me into the tiny back office as soon as I cleared the door. “There was a District Manager parked down the block and he saw you smoking and told me I needed to fire you right now.”

It was 3:30am and I knew he was lying and that he had seen me go out prepped for my partial smoke and was just using the situation to harass me again.

“I know you’re a fucking liar, but here, let me save you the trouble.” I spit my words and pulled my dorky BK uniform off in one motion and threw it into his chest and left. I had another kitchen job in 2 days. Unfortunately, they failed to let me know it was only seasonal and would end with the University’s home-game football season. To my complete surprise, I was laid off in mid-December. This time the job market sucked and no one was hiring. I was set to lose my lease on New Year’s Day.

Chapter 7: Rock Bottom with Butch and Richard

When I let Butch know I was unemployed and about to be homeless, he talked with his roommate and benefactor Richard. Richard decided to take me in, as he had Butch, although neither of us had any resources. He said it would be fine. He laughed and told me I could ‘sing for my supper’ and sleep on the couch. He liked my jokes and loved to hear me play and sing. Richard was very average looking and about 23 years old, I believe.

I was wondering how he could be so generous on his meager salary as an electronics assembler at the Texas Instruments plant. He arrived home on the afternoon of our first Friday as a household grinning like the Cheshire Cat holding his $120.00 weekly paycheck. How could he be so pumped to be holding a weekly check that only covered a third of the rent on his 2-bedroom apartment? I soon found out.

“Come on!” he shouted on the way to his old beater of a car. We piled in and drove by the bank to cash his check then on to his “connection’s” place. With $100.00, he purchased 20 ¼ gram packets of what I later learned was some of the purest crystal meth to hit the city in ages. They called it ‘Crank’. I was clueless but didn’t let on. We sped over to Party A and quickly unloaded the stash for $200.00. We repeated the process, doubling up leaving Party A with $400.00. Back we went to purchase twice the volume then and headed to Party B. $800.00, then $1600.00. I couldn’t believe what I was a part of. I had seen the stuff being snorted at Party A, but at Party B the product seemed to disappear into a back room where the door was always kept closed. I found out later that the users in the backroom at Party B were injecting the stuff. 7 of the IV users migrated to Richard’s apartment to continue the action. I had been given lots to drink and smoke at these parties and was fairly well lit when we got home around 1am.

There was a guy that I was attracted to among the 7 tagalongs. Feeling very uninhibited, I was deep in conversation with him when Butch moved into my side with his back to me while grabbing my right arm off the back of the couch securing it out of my sight in front of him. I tried to finish a thought I was expressing to the cute chubby guy when I felt a sting at the crease of my elbow. Butch held my arm tightly so I couldn’t move. Without my knowledge or consent, Butch and Richard had just mainlined me with 5 of the individual user packets worth of the stuff prepped for a syringe, 1.25 grams. This was apparently my “cut” of the action, along with $50.00 cash.

Before I could get an explanation, the solution pumped through my heart and up to my brain. It felt like being strapped to a rocket. I could feel my rapid, pounding pulse at my temples, ears and neck. After maybe 15 minutes, the initial rush was replaced by a complete sense of euphoria that lasted the majority of 2 days before subsiding. Day 3 was HELL. Every cell in my body ached and yearned. I was grateful that the supply was exhausted or I would have begged, borrowed or stolen for another dose to regain the euphoric effect.

Butch and I were home alone having not slept or eaten yet on Monday, Day 3. That’s when I found out that Butch was Bi. He asked if I would have sex with him. He told me he had wanted to ever since his exhibition show with Linda. He had helped me out of a tight jam and I felt obligated but uninspired as I agreed to try. I warned him there was no way I could take it like Linda had. He assured me he didn’t expect that. Surprisingly, he wanted me to screw him. Try as I might, I couldn’t get my equipment to function for him in my compromised and unenthused state and he settled for a combination BJ and two-handed jerk. I could barely get the head of it in my mouth while guarding my teeth. The experience made me feel hollow inside. I vowed to never have that sort of sex again. Neither Butch nor Richard were my type and I figured they’d expect me to pay for my room and board by having sex with at least one if not both of them. I knew I couldn’t continue down this road. Staying with Butch and Richard would turn me into a meth addicted sex toy.

Stay tuned. More to come.

[trekwiz]

Why Love, Simon is so Meaningful

I don't talk about this much anymore, but seeing Love, Simon has bubbled it all up. Growing up in this culture was really difficult, in a way that non-gays really don't have a frame to understand; it stole a lot of my life from me. Love, Simon left out some of the toughest parts--the ever-present evil people like Billy Graham, Pat Robertson, and Matthew Shepard's killers making every day that much harder--but there's a wider culture that just made everything extremely difficult. Love, Simon does an exceptional job of showing those things, in a way that's easy for a non-gay audience to understand. There are parts of life that I'll never be able to experience because the wider culture took it away from me. It was somewhere around 2nd grade that I realized the world was hostile towards normal people for no good reason--it wasn't a particular news story, or something that happened to me. It was just something present in everything at all times. Some of it is tangible--hearing "that's so gay," or "fag" as an insult, or hearing classmates brag about beating up the one out gay kid--while other stuff is more abstract, like the complete absence of people like me on the screen. Or worse, (later) the token representations of people like me that were either poorly written, the butt of jokes, or just irrelevant props. There are more gay characters today, but often it's still superficial--or in the case of companies like Bioware, disrespectful and offensive "representation" as a money making strategy. Love, Simon was written from a place of respect, and showed the same due care as any film, and that means everything to me. At that time, I closed myself off. I became a "turtle"--I hid both from my toxic family and the anti-gay world behind the locked door of my bedroom. After school I had Star Trek, Legos, and videogames, alone. I stepped away from my friendships in 2nd grade--I didn't stop talking with classmates, I just didn't let them get close; I didn't hang out after school; I kept those relationships superficial. I didn't get the option to be a mall rat. I didn't go see movies with other kids. I didn't get to hang out at the arcade. I didn't have friends to go on bike rides with. I didn't have an SNES player 2 outside of my sister. I was afraid that if I had friends, they'd catch me checking out another guy and either attack me, or out me. I tried to convince myself that I was "alone but not lonely," but I wasn't. The only thing that kept me going was the belief that if I worked hard, I could get away from the toxic family and the toxic culture, making my own life. Struggling to find work in my 20's really killed that one hope that kept me alive. Can you imagine how isolating that is for an 8 year old to know the world hates them, with no where to turn to for safety? To know that there's no one in the world that they can ever trust? I was terrified: there was no way to know who was an enemy. People who otherwise pass as nice can still be homophobic; they pretend to be good people, but even that sweet teacher could be a fatal liability. Complain about the slurs and risk the real, well-meaning teacher telling my parents; at around 14 I became aware of groups like NARTH and Exodus International and was terrified that I could be forced into one of those torture camps. When I finally wanted to take baby steps out of my bubble, I didn't really have the social skills to do it. I remember a classmate in 8th grade who tried to be my friend, but I no longer knew how how to go from daily chatting, to actually hanging out away from school. I never got to have a best friend, and I was terrified of going to school dances, so I didn't--not that there'd have been a reason to, there was no way to find a dance partner anyway. One of the most obvious differences between Simon in Love, Simon and me is that I never did go to any high school parties--I was never invited, and I probably would have been afraid to go if I had been.  Smart camp was certainly a lot better--it was an oasis in many ways. I had friends--who are still important to me today--and I was able to go to the dances; mostly, I played cards with my friends because it wasn't just a dance. But even that didn't offer me a reprieve from the toxic culture around me. Friends kept pushing me to dance with girls, and it was too dangerous to say why I didn't want to. I completely embarrassed myself when they setup a dance for me, after being pressured to name a crush. In my last year at camp, a girl asked me to dance. I had said no--after repeating that about a dozen times, I left to take cover in the movie room. She followed and kept asking; when everyone stared at me from the disruption, I left, again. I had nowhere else to go, since we weren't allowed to go back to the dorms until later, so I actually hid in the bathroom. I don't think I can convey how frustrating that is--I literally hid in the bathroom because it was too dangerous to say, "please stop, I'm gay." (Needless to say, the bathroom scene after the dance in Love, Simon really hit home.) That story doesn't even end there. She must have asked an instructor for help because he came in a few minutes later to badger me, too. I was backed in a corner with no place to escape, and the authority figure, the one who's job was to protect me, insisted that I should dance with her. I was practically dragged out onto the dance floor, powerless, disgusted, and terrified. Knowing my safety was on the line, I became her default dance partner for a couple weeks. Until she asked for a kiss. I was "lucky" that I only had to say no once before she moved on. Meanwhile, there was a guy in my group who, thanks to the benefit of hindsight, I know was interested--I missed it at the time, and lost the only opportunity I had for any kind of dating life in my teen years. Love, Simon really nailed the little things that convey that being out isn't safe. It's still hard today, but I don't want to be in that position again. I don't want to be the kid hiding in the bathroom at the dance--but sometimes, he's still present. When people defend Billy Graham's evil life. When (mostly) Christians complain that we've "gone too far" with "that whole equality thing." When gay couples are still assaulted today. (https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/anti-lgbtq-attacks-leave-four-victims-injured-new-york-city-n676941) After Pulse. When gay people can still be fired without cause. When gay people can be turned down for renting or buying a home so long as the owner doesn't say why. I don't think I'll ever not be anxious when I come out, even in places that I know are relatively safe. Love, Simon gives me hope that there really is a different future ahead. Seeing a character experience these struggles without making it disaster-porn was refreshing. Seeing him able to experience life, when that was denied to me, is incredible. Seeing a mainstream movie with such an authentic, honest representation of someone like me is unimaginably meaningful. This movie showed the universal aspects of the gay experience, without resorting to tropes and trivialization; without getting too caught up in any niche subsets. I needed this movie 20 years ago. This movie truly could have changed my life if it had existed then. And even in this block of text, I still don't think I've conveyed just how important Love, Simon is to me.

[healthierhappier-me]

Get To Know Me Tag!!

I tag @gethealthystayfit , @tropical-fit , and @zaya-fit :) have fun!

1. What is your full name?

simona! [no need for last names on here lol]

2. What is your nickname?

i never really had a nickname, but my friends tease me and call me simon sometimes...

3. What is your zodiac sign?  

pisces (march 5!)

4. What is your favorite book series?

probably the Eragon series or maybe Ranger’s Apprentice? i love fantasy a lot

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

sort of? i keep bouncing back and forth and can’t really decide

6. Who is your favorite author?

this is an impossible question and i will never be able to answer it sorry

7. What is your favorite radio station?

magic 106.7! i grew up on it :)

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything?

probably either lemon or lavender or the combination of the two

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

amazing? i’m not sure hahaha

10. What is your current favorite song?

probably “all time low” by jon bellion just because it’s been stuck in my head for days oops

11. What is your favorite word?

probably cascade or mountain, unsure

12. What was the last song you listened to?

“the nights” by avicii!

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS ALWAYS

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

anything disney/pixar, particularly “the emperor’s new groove” lol

15. Do you play video games?

 i’ve played pokémon since i was 6 and don’t intend to stop just because i’m an ‘adult’ now :)

16. What is your biggest fear?

being forgotten for sure, as well as being less important to a person than they are to me

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion?

i’m quite a nurturing person, and i like that about myself

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion?

i overthink things that don’t need overthinking and it puts strain on some of my friendships sometimes

19. Do you like cats or dogs better?

this is another impossible question to which my answer will always be both!

20. What is your favorite season?

currently craving summer but i’d say fall is my all-time favorite

21. Are you in a relationship?

yes!

22. What is something you miss from your childhood?

not having to worry about deadlines!

23. Who is your best friend?

a girl i met in the 6th grade who i’ve talked to more or less every day since then

24. What is your eye color?

brown!

25. What is your hair color?

also brown! exciting stuff

26. Who is someone you love?

my inner circle of friends

27. Who is someone you trust?

my dad

28. Who is someone you think about often?

my boyfriend (long distance relationships will do that)

29. Are you currently excited about/for something?

spring break!! finally a second to relax

30. What is your biggest obsession?

probably buying far too much makeup...

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child?

scooby doo or the magic school bus!

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

a couple of my best guy friends

33. Are you superstitious?

nope!

34. Do you have any unusual phobias?

i’m terribly afraid of needles to a ridiculous extent

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

i love being in front of the camera but only if someone i like or trust is behind it!

36. What is your favorite hobby?

singing!

37. What was the last book you read?

my chemistry textbook :(

38. What was the last movie you watched?

big hero 6!!

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any?

i sing and play a bit of ukulele

40. What is your favorite animal?

either horses or sheep!

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow?

another impossible question! if i follow a blog it means i like it quite a lot

42. What superpower do you wish you had?

time travel/time control

43. When and where do you feel most at peace?

in the mountains!

44. What makes you smile?

other people’s success stories as well as my own

45. What sports do you play, if any?

i love to ski, and i used to swim competitively

46. What is your favorite drink?

tea! i have an embarrassing amount of tea honestly

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

the other day when i slipped a note under a friend’s door

48. Are you afraid of heights?

no, but i am afraid of falling

49. What is your biggest pet peeve?

loud chewers actually make me want to throw them out a window sometimes

50. Have you ever been to a concert?

yes, imagine dragons and pentatonix :)

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian?

no, though i do admire the lifestyle and what it stands for

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

a lawyer... don’t ask me why hahaha

53. What fictional world would you like to live in?

probably the world from eragon (blanking on the name) because uh.. dragons!!

54. What is something you worry about?

my future (financial, career, etc)

55. Are you scared of the dark?

only if it’s in an unfamiliar place

56. Do you like to sing?

yes! i sing quite a lot

57. Have you ever skipped school?

i’ve skipped classes, but not all of school

58. What is your favorite place on the planet?

the mountains in colorado, probably

59. Where would you like to live?

either the northeast (usa) or colorado

60. Do you have any pets?

i have two cats and have had quite a few fish over the years

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

it really depends on the day, either one

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunrises are more fulfilling to experience though i think sunsets are more vivid usually

63. Do you know how to drive?

yes, though i don’t have my license

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

earbuds!

65. Have you ever had braces?

yep, from 5th to 7th grade

66. What is your favorite genre of music?

literally anything in the ranges of pop/hip hop/alternative/edm/pretty much anything else

67. Who is your hero?

i don’t really have one, though i certainly look up to a lot of people

68. Do you read comic books?

i’ve read every single peanuts and calvin & hobbes comic :)

69. What makes you the most angry?

i really hate blatant ignorance and entitlement

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

i love flipping pages so definitely real book

71. What is your favorite subject in school?

psychology!

72. Do you have any siblings?

nope, just me and the cats

73. What was the last thing you bought?

a pair of grey suspenders for my singing competition

74. How tall are you?

5′10″ (yeah tall i know)

75. Can you cook?

yes i love to cook!

76. What are three things that you love?

my friends/family, my pets, and mountains

77. What are three things that you hate?

donald trump, bigotry, and loud chewers

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends?

it’s a pretty good mix i think

79. What is your sexual orientation?

i’m straight!

80. Where do you currently live?

i go to university in PA though that’s not where i’m from!

81. Who was the last person you texted?

my mom!

82. When was the last time you cried?

last night oops

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber?

jacksepticeye for sure

84. Do you like to take selfies?

all the time!

85. What is your favorite app?

probably MyPlate (food and exercise tracker)

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

it’s pretty good, i’m still financially dependent on them so it’s a big part of my life

87. What is your favorite foreign accent?

scottish accents are so cute honestly

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

switzerland!

89. What is your favorite number?

when i was little i really liked the number 18 for some reason so i guess 18?

90. Can you juggle?

no but i’ve always been jealous of people who could

91. Are you religious?

nope! but people can believe what they’d like of course :)

92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

i’ve always been fascinated by outer space because we have absolutely no idea what’s going on out there

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

uhh sometimes i feel braver than other times, but overall i don’t think i’m particularly daring, no

94. Are you allergic to anything?

thankfully no!

95. Can you curl your tongue?

yes!

96. Can you wiggle your ears?

also yes!

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

i’ve been working on being less stubborn lately, but i still hate admitting i was wrong so idk

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach?

the beach! i love the ocean

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

don’t look at everything you have to do in one big scary lump, take it one very small step at a time and it’ll help not get as overwhelming

100. Are you a good liar?

unfortunately (or fortunately) yes

101. What is your Hogwarts House?

gryffindor! pottermore certified :)

102. Do you talk to yourself?

not really, but i get lost in thought quite a bit

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

i’m much more on the extroverted side of things but i do enjoy time to myself

104. Do you keep a journal/diary?

not really, i think this blog is the closest thing to that

105. Do you believe in second chances?

it really depends on the context and the specific situation imo

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

try to track down the owner or turn it in!

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change?

again, depends on the situation; certain facets of personality are unchangeable in my opinion while more superficial mindsets can be changed

108. Are you ticklish?

extremely (it’s kind of a hazard actually)

109. Have you ever been on a plane?

oh yes many times!

110. Do you have any piercings?

i have basic ear piercings but i’d like cartilage piercings as well

111. What fictional character do you wish was real?

baymax! or teto from the ghibli movie nausicaa

112. Do you have any tattoos?

no, but i’d like a small one

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

choosing my particular university tbh

114. Do you believe in karma?

sort of? not to any huge extent

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts?

thankfully no i have fine vision

116. Do you want children?

someday, absolutely

117. Who is the smartest person you know?

probably my dad tbh

118. What is your most embarrassing memory?

the way i acted towards my ex right after the breakup. total regret and still cringing.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

i try not to, but yes a few times

120. What color are most of you clothes?

black, blue, or olive green

121. Do you like adventures?

yes!

122. Have you ever been on TV?

i don’t think so?

123. How old are you?

18, about to turn 19 (in 5 days)

124. What is your favorite quote?

pretty much any quote from parks and recreation

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods?

strongly depends on my mood!

[kxtemxss]

I remember reading Romeo and Juliet for the first time, I must have only been about eleven or twelve, feverishly turning the pages of my crumpled old copy. I began to search the words for meaning, the hopeless romantic inside me yearning for a resolution other than death. However, when I reached the final act, it became apparent that the curtain had fallen on both the play and the young lovers lives.

Although it may seem cliché as fuck, an impressionable young girl fawning over the actions of two fictional children, I felt a certain numbness upon learning their fate.

I often found a strange sense of calmness amongst the images of decay. 

I would romanticise the idea of death, obsessed with finding meaning in the absence of life. 

I would wonder what people would think if I ceased to exist, creating elaborate realities in which I had sacrificed myself for the good of others, desperate to discover if my life had a meaning. 

Although real life continued to seep into my delusions, like a busy train in rush hour, leaving me stranded at the platform with no hope of ever catching up.

The first time I put a blade to my skin I had hoped to find comfort in the pain, I yearned for the euphoric numbness I had read so much about. However, once again reality crept in. The turn of my mums key in the lock, the familiar mumble of “I’m home” as she struggled to carry her bags through the door. 

I’d rush to help, but by then she’d be back at her desk, the door shut and the usual groan of her laptop as it struggled to ventilate against the wooden surface would once again echo down the hall. “Not now” she would snap, her hand shooing me away from the small crack in the doorway.

My dad wasn’t around much. He was always ‘busy’ working, or as I later learnt busy playing house with other women’s children. But my mum, she was the real hero in the house, working long days to keep our family afloat. 

I didn’t see my mum as often as I’d like. But I grew accustom to the notes scribbled in haste on the back of envelopes.

“Be home late. Dinner is in the fridge. Will call you later, have a good day, Love you xx”. 

I knew it wasn’t because she didn’t love me, in fact it was the polar opposite. She loved me, therefore she had to work. Our relationship would revolve around microwave meals, post-it notes and hushed conversations from the car or the various hotel rooms. The contrast of the harsh crackle of her voice against the humming of her car as she drove became a familiar sound. 

At first I used to love being home alone. I would watch whatever I wanted and eat all the things I wasn’t meant to. But as I grew older it became quite lonely. The ache for attention would become unbearable. 

At night I would hear my mum cry a lot. The muffled sobs would often lull me to sleep. My heart breaking every time my dad’s seat at the table remained empty.

I always played the understudy in my dads life or perhaps one of those secondary characters you add into a novel to flesh it out. It was almost like I had missed the audition for the main part, spending years of my life playing catch up with the desperate hope that one day the leading actor would fall down and then I could finally be the star.

It never happened. I’m still the understudy, but these days I’ve accepted it. His absence never went unnoticed but with age I learnt not to expect much. That way I was never as disappointed. 

I was never good enough to be the leading lady. I never got the right grades, wore the right clothes, had the right attitude. I lived in an emotional prison of my own creation, desperately seeking someone to bail me out. 

When I was 14 I was bullied so badly that I began to hurt myself again. I had started dating a boy I’d known since I was very young. My childish delusions of romantic grandeur had lead me to believe he was ‘the one’. I tried to open up to him, foolishly thinking he might be able to pay the bail and set me free. I craved attention, I just really wanted someone to love me.

This of course ended after three short weeks of playground kisses and late night texting. A girl in my friendship group had told everyone I was actually a lesbian. And this was high school after all, so naturally everyone believed it. 

The late night texts stopped coming. I convinced myself his phone must be broken. It wasn’t. 

He later told me, in front of all his friends, that he couldn’t be seen to be dating the “fat lesbian”.

I was 14, so this was ultimately the end of the world.

I lost all my friends. No one wanted to hang out with the ‘fat lesbian’. They would break my things, steal my money and shove me in the halls. My Facebook account was hacked, slut shaming me, with edited photos of my face on very graphic sexual images. I became a social pariah.

The girl started dating the boy. No one ever believed I wasn’t a lesbian either.

As I’ve grown older I’ve realised how pathetic it all was. I mean who gives a fuck if you like boys or girls anyway. But back then all I wanted to do was die.

I kept a brave face for a while at home, uttering a few words about how my day was fine and school was okay. It wasn’t.

I moved to Australia not long after this. My dad had told me this was my fresh start, a new hope. It wasn’t.

I started at an all girls boarding school, by the sea. My parents were going to move over later in the year, after everything was sorted back home. They never did.

I spent my locked away in my boarding house. I wasn’t allowed to leave.

“You need written parent permission and adult supervision.”

It became very monotonous. I felt almost like I was on auto-pilot for most of that year.

I would wake up, late as usual and have to skip breakfast. I would go to class, making small talk with the day girls, suppressing the deep burn of envy I would feel as they talked about their weekends at the beach or their dinners with their families. I’d then be forced to study in silence until 9pm, before I was able to return to my room. By this point I’d be mentally exhausted, craving the comfort of my bed. Sometimes there would be a slight variation, for example on Thursdays, I’d have to go to chapel. My mum had lied about my religion to get me a place at the school. Something that became achingly obvious with each passing week. I’d often argue with the pastor, telling him he was deluded. As you can imagine, at an Anglican school, this went down like a lead balloon.

It wasn’t long before I had fallen victim once again to the school bully. She weaved an elaborate web of lies that spread across the dormitory like an untamed bush fire.

And once again, one by one, my friends stopped bothering with me. 

But this time I was all alone, 10,233 miles from home. 

I tried to kill myself in the October of that year. It was the start of summer, one of the hottest days so far. I’d been to the beach for ice cream after school as a treat. It was a good day.

By this point I’d stopped texting my mum, feeding her lies about how wonderful boarding school was. I was angry with her. She’d abandoned me here. 

My dad, the fantasist, was of course still determined that everything would work out. He couldn’t seem to accept the reality of the situation. They were never coming to Australia. The dream was dead. 

Coming home felt like a relief. The suffocating heat disappearing behind me as the plane drew nearer and nearer to my home. 

In my head I’d imagined a reality where everything would be perfect when I got home. My parents would be happy, my friends would love me again. It would be like the end scene from every high school movie I’d ever seen. 

It wasn’t.

“Suicide is stupid. Mental Illness is a fantasy. There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to see a therapist you’re 15. Grow up. Get a grip. Stop being so goddamn sensitive.”

My dad’s words echoed in my head, fragments of his harsh sentences tearing open old wounds and creating space for more pain.

I later learnt that my dad had bankrupted us. My mum lost her job. We had nothing. My mum had tried to kill herself that year. No one told me, they didn’t want to worry me - especially since I was “so far away”. 

I started a new school, I thought it would be alright. I would be with my childhood best friend. I was wrong.

Her friends were awful. Their false promises of sincerity slipping through loose lips as they sold your personal business to the highest bidder in hopes of maintaining popularity. 

Eventually I finished school. I packed up my things and moved away to London. As far as I could feasibly get, much to my mum’s disdain. 

A lot happened in the 3 years that followed. I suppose you could say life happened. 

In my first week of university, I was sexually assaulted in an alleyway as I stumbled around, drunk and bewildered looking for my bus home. It felt like I wasn’t really there. I failed to believe it was really happening. 

I remember the rough texture of his hands against my shoulders as he slammed me against the wall, trapping my body. I remember I cried and screamed, I begged him to stop but he didn’t. 

I wish I could say this was my only experience. In fact I wish I could say I made this all up. That it was a lie. But it wasn’t.

It happened again in my second year, I’d gone to a party with some friends, we’d invited a guy that worked with my best friend. He seemed nice, I’d flirted with him over the bar on occasion. We’d matched on Tinder, it all seemed innocent enough. 

I was wrong. He’d followed me out of the party, explaining we needed to catch the same bus anyways. His obnoxious voice booming over the hum of the engine as the bus drew closer to my stop. 

He followed me off the bus, pleading to use my phone charger. I shrugged and permitted it, my judgement clouded by substance abuse and exhaustion. 

He made us a drink and I took it readily, my mouth dry and chalky. 

He began to brush the hair from my shoulder, whispering compliments into my ear. It was almost as if he knew exactly what I needed to hear, his words making me believe he cared about me. Making me think maybe he could love me. My mind began to run away with delusions, my vision growing hazier as I sunk into my pillow.

He had laced my drink. I couldn’t feel my body, it was as if my conscious had left my body, as though I was watching from a distance, a bystander to my own destruction.

“You didn’t seem to enjoy that. Do you not like sex? Don’t report me. You probably think I raped you.” He joked as he buckled his belt. 

“You did” I muttered, it must have been inaudible as he never responded.

I sat in shower for hours after he left. Hoping the heat of the water would cleanse my skin and burn away any evidence of his touch. It didn’t. 

I began to sleep on the sofa, avoiding returning to the scene of the crime. I hated him. I hated how he had ruined the city of my dreams. I blamed him for every grey day. It was almost as if his touch had turned out all the bright lights, as if he had dulled all the colour and now all I could see was darkness and misery.

"You were obviously asking for it, I don’t know why you expect sympathy.” My own father’s words. And just like that I crumbled. The lifelong facade was over.

[thebestplltheories]

Farewell, Pretty Little Liars.

Today is the day that we must finally say goodbye to Pretty Little Liars. With its never-ending theories and constant renewals, the PLL endgame always seemed like an intangible, abstract and theoretical concept that is just so far away, that it will simply never come. It feels so surreal to say that today is that day, which again, over the years, was never in sight. I thought watching Pretty Little Liars would just be some light, weekly, background entertainment. On June 8 2010, I did not truly know what crazy rollercoaster I had stumbled upon. Through numerous ups and downs, these past 7 years have certainly been unforgettable. If you told me seven years ago that a television show will have such a positive impact on my life, I would have laughed at you and called you dramatic. Tell me that today, and I’ll smile in appreciation at the positive influence and power a television show can bestow upon its viewers.

Not every show makes it to seven seasons, particularly mystery shows. Seven years is a long time. I started watching this show when I was 13, and I am now 19. (I realise I am probably very young in comparison to most other PLL fans!) Just to visually see this: Pretty Little Liars was with me while I was 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 and 19. These are arguably some of the most important years of one’s life. As I grew, PLL grew too, in a literal sense, as we got a time jump where the characters matured, but also in figurative sense, since the stories gradually shifted from being high-school oriented to dark and twisted themed through a demented dollhouse and a psychologically straining board game. All while PLL was on the air, I graduated from primary school and high school, started university, got my driver’s license, my first job, credit card, car, gone overseas by myself, and made life-long friendships. Achieving all that never was easy, but it was made easier by PLL. If I ever struggled in my personal development, I always had PLL to fall back upon for psychological stability and security, aside from general entertainment. A part of me sees the end of PLL as if the training wheels are coming off my bike: for 7 years, I was learning how to become a young man, and now that I finally am one, I no longer need this safety rock that is PLL in order to continue developing.

This long, personal post is dedicated to me and my seven-year relationship with Pretty Little Liars.

How I started watching PLL

On June 8 2010, a new show called Pretty Little Liars aired. My sister had her friends over and they were all obsessing over this fresh new murder mystery with a hot cast. But it was socially unacceptable for me to watch this show, since I’m a boy. “Are you seriously watching Pretty Little Liars with us? Don’t boys play PlayStation when they’re bored?” My sister laughed in agreement at her friend’s comment to me. (To this day, I am even shamed for my love for Selena Gomez as a person and her music, because she is labelled as a female entertainer.) So I left my sister and her friends alone to watch their stigmatised “chick flick” that was PLL. Apparently it was wrong of me to take interest in this show. But I wasn’t going to let the irrational comments of a group of girls stop me from finding out how Alison DiLaurentis disappeared. And so little 13 year old me began watching the episodes online, in my room, every week, once my whole family had gone to bed. I was careful to put my headphones on a safe volume, because I didn’t want the sound to pulsate too loudly from them, and I always had my computer screen positioned so that it can’t be seen by anyone who unexpectedly walks into my room. Shoutout to my sister, for indirectly introducing me to Pretty Little Liars, but shame on you for making me feel less masculine just because I enjoyed the murder mystery of a show with female leads. I never shamed her for liking Harry Potter; a movie series with mostly male leads. As of June 8 2010, Pretty Little Liars was my secret.

Tumblr

In my secret weekly viewings of the show, I eventually reached the point where I was so personally immersed with the intricate mysteries of Rosewood, that I needed to hear other peoples’ thoughts to see if they aligned with those within my crazy mind. When I wasn’t doing my homework, I was studying who could be this omnipotent and omniscient stalker and potential murderer. What’s so wrong with a guy wanting to get to the bottom of such a juicy mystery? Apparently, everything was wrong with that. So around the season 3 Halloween episode, I decided to unload my brain on Tumblr; a place my sister could never put a face to the person behind the screen - she could never know her little brother is talking about the “chick flick” that is PLL.

During the first few months, I was lucky if my theories garnered the slightest bit of discussion and attention; I considered it to have been a very good week when I received two messages. Since Tumblr was the only way I could talk about my secret, I persisted with the near-silence my posts were getting because I knew those two messages per week are better than the zero people I can talk to outside of Tumblr. Never ever did I think my blog will blow up into what it is today with tens of thousands of followers and hundreds of messages per week, literally. I’m saving the thank you’s for the very end, because my gosh, that is the most important part of this entire post.

Being highly active on Tumblr during PLL’s lifespan definitely negatively affected my viewing experience of the series. Every single day, I was answering questions, reading theories sent in to me, reading theories posted by other blogs, reading Tweets from the writers/cast and watching interviews from the writers/cast. Everyday. While that was all fun in the moment, I’d be lying if I said that knowing absolutely everything about upcoming episodes and reveals made the show more fun to watch. I was always up to date on every single theory and all of the latest leaks, news, spoilers… whatever. Absolutely anything PLL related, you can bet I had read it. In fact, since I joined Tumblr, not one single event that has happened in the show has truly shocked me. I was here reading theories that Charles is a transgender CeCe. I was here reading theories that Toby is just being A to protect Spencer. I was here reading theories that Spencer gets shot, because we paused the promos at the right frames and could see it happening. Heck, I knew Ezra was only writing a book, I knew A is someone named Charles DiLaurentis and I even knew Mona is alive and being held captive in a dollhouse, ahead of their reveals in 420 and 525 respectively. Not only did scripts leak, but someone who worked on the subtitles of the show leaked the content of the reveals. Being on this site, of course I saw these leaks and spoilers even despite my serious attempts to avoid them. It’s impossible to avoid spoilers since you don’t know it’s a spoiler until, well, you’ve actually read the sentence. Since joining Tumblr, I can honestly say that nothing in PLL has shocked me, so I can conclude that Tumblr did ruin the fun in watching PLL.

Having a less fun viewing experience was a small price to pay for what I received in return for signing up for this wild ride that is Tumblr. Call me obsessed with PLL, and yeah I guess I am, but PLL is merely just the topic of conversation, in this world we created for ourselves. More than PLL itself, I am obsessed with this loving community of fans uniting from around the world, bound by a common passion which places us all as equals who share a sense of belonging and worthiness. This loving and fun community is emphasised and taken advantage of every single day - not just the days a new episode airs. Every. Single. Day. The warmth this community provides to my heart, alone, is enough to instantly override the fact that Tumblr stole the show’s entire shock-factor from me.

It feels very surreal to think that this show experience has finally reached its end - a lot of personal adjustment will need to now take place. In the society and culture I live in, your social status is defined by how many likes you have on your Facebook profile picture and how many likes you get on your weekly Instagram posts. When my posts aren’t up to everyone else’s standards, I find mental security and comfort in closing Facebook and Instagram, and opening the Tumblr app; a place where I do not have to prove my worthiness in society. Numerous times, my friends have been refreshing their Facebook profiles to see how many likes they got, meanwhile I’m refreshing my Tumblr dashboard to see one of your friendly commentaries. Again, this may seem overly obsessive with PLL, but I re-state: over the years, PLL is just the conversational topic. The simple existence of conversation, regardless of the topic, is enough to provide this mental stability I’m speaking of. On top of this inappropriate importance placed on social media in my culture, there have been other times where I have said no to dinner and a movie with friends and admittedly, family too, because I’m lazy and I would rather a date night with my bed and the Tumblr community. No longer will I have something fun to do on a Friday night, home alone. No longer will I have something to occupy me on the bus ride going home from uni. No longer will I have theories to think about during my study “breaks”, or something quick and easy to reward myself with after hours of studying. No longer will I wake up on Wednesday mornings (the Tuesday night equivalent here in Australia) full of energy. Now that this experience is over, I anticipate that my brain may start to feel empty. Sure I will miss the characters and the mysteries of Rosewood, but for me, this is the area that will require a lot of adjustment.

My final evaluation of PLL

As this is a post dear to my heart that I will keep forever, I want to include here my final evaluation of Pretty Little Liars, as a whole series.

Undoubtedly, the best season, in my opinion, is season 7. “But what about good old seasons 1 and 2, when PLL was at its prime?” Sure, seasons 1 and 2 were pretty good. We had just been introduced to fresh and exciting new characters and stories. Everything was amazing in seasons 1 and 2. The girls could be baking cookies whilst talking about good books they’ve read lately, and I would have loved it, because I’d be spending time with these new characters I just met. Retrospectively looking back on earlier seasons, I find that they are way too ‘bubblegum’ for my liking. Mona/A forced Hanna to stop her dad’s wedding, A gave Ella a ticket to the museum Ezria visited, A was hiding in the Spencer’s closet, A was spying on the girls visiting the therapist, A sends the girls on a scavenger hunt in the woods…  sure, these stories did the job to reel me in back then, but if the show continued with these flowery, teenage-girl themes, I don’t believe I’d be here seven years later. Again, they were great for the time, but PLL did need to take a convoluted, complicated, psychologically twisted turn. What excites the 19 year old me, are the stories that season 7 is telling: the liars killing an imposter, the previous A being murdered, a dead body in the trunk, attempting to cover tracks for murder, seducing a cop, twins, the liars getting arrested, a liar betrays her best friends and wears the hoodie, a liar finds out her parents have been lying to her since literally day 1, a liar has been impregnated by the uber villain using another liar’s eggs, and ultimately, the uber villain being revealed. The stakes are heightened, and this is what I appreciate and enjoy watching, more so than a high-school Truth Up Night, a sleepover in the barn, or a liar steeling her sister’s boyfriends. No longer is the show about the Queen Bee of a group of high-school girls who went missing, followed by threatening text messages from an anonymous person. The show is far more mature now in season 7, and I appreciate that a lot. Again, earlier seasons did the tough job of attracting me to permanently reside in Rosewood, but such bubblegum stories would not have sustained me for the years to come. As each season went on, sure more fans began complaining at its progressively unrealistic and exaggerated nature, but I, on the other hand, sat here twiddling my fingers muttering “excellent”.

But have I just got it so damn wrong? If the general worldwide consensus is that PLL is no longer what it used to be, why am I more in love with season 7 than the earlier seasons? The answer is simple, yet easier said than done: I forget about what the writers have done wrong in the past, and I just enjoy the present. Here are the 6 areas that the writers have cumulatively pissed off the fans over the years: mysteries are dropped ridiculously fast (remember Melissa in Ali’s backyard saying “do it, just do it” to someone unknown?), red herrings are not properly explained once the truth is revealed (Melissa’s suitcase handle just so happened to break, when a similar object is what killed Charlotte?) the inconsistency in interviews/tweets (some actors say AD clues exist in season 1, yet Marlene says to ignore seasons 1 and 2), not making answers explicitly clear in the show and instead using interviews to confirm a theory the characters have (Garret being killed by Wilden was never said in the show), some answers don’t have a lot of logic behind them (why was Sara Harvey helping Charlotte?) and a significant imbalance between the romance and the mystery (did we really need to see Hanna dump Jordan because her favourite restaurant shut down, when Big A was killed two minutes ago?)

To summarise this point I’m trying to get across - I hear, and I agree, with the complaints PLL fans have. But never ever did I let “we still don’t know why Sara Harvey helped Charlotte” and “ugh I still can’t believe they killed Maya” disrupt my here-and-now viewing experience. THAT is why I’ve continued to love PLL more in 2017, than I did in 2010.

I’d like to conclude my evaluation on PLL by saying that I felt like I knew these characters on a personal level, to the point I could predict their future behaviour and responses. (Which is a good thing.) I’ve never ever felt this way about the characters of a TV show before. They felt like my friends, who grew up with me, and I’d catch up with them once a week by tuning in. Never have I ever seen a show where the off-screen chemistry is this visible on-screen. I also would like to commend the show for its portrayal of the LGBT community. When the show first started, I was a young, uneducated and immature 13 year old who thought that being straight was normal and being gay made you weird. I reflect back on this and am disgusted by the way I used to think. PLL was my only exposure to the LGBT community, and this show certainly standardised non-straight relationships for me, and was the absolute driving force to my acceptance of all people regardless of their identity and sexuality. To put this into perspective, I ended up ‘siding’ with PLL, rather than my own Catholic school which preached totally contradictory messages to PLL. Go figure: I chose the values of a TV show, than the values of my own school’s religion. While I may be one of the few to admit this on paper, I just know I can’t be the only one to have gone through something like this.

The show should be proud of everything it has achieved.

What’s next?

Let’s be real: PLL will get a reunion of sorts in the future. Shows this popular on social media and with a cast that call each other family, do not just die forever with the series finale. In 5, maybe 7 or 10 years, we will get a Netflix mini series, or even a movie. You can bet your ass I will be here for whatever reunion we get and I genuinely hope we can meet again, come that special time.

With tens of thousands of followers (thank you!!!) I could never have notifications turned on. My phone would have a panic attack. Now with the show ending, I’m expecting a major decline in Tumblr activity. So, I can safely enable notifications now. I promise you: any message I receive, or like, reblog, comment, whatever - from now on in, I will see it. I’m not going anywhere. I will be here forever, in the sense that I’m not deleting the Tumblr app. I may not be posting as frequently, but I’ll be here if there is something to post, or a notification to interact with.

As you may all know, I am obsessed with Riverdale. It is the new PLL. Amazing cast, insanely intriguing mystery. If you’ve never seen Riverdale - watch it. There have only been 13 episodes, concluding the first season, and season 2 is coming later this year. If you loved PLL, which I’m assuming you did if you’re on my blog, you’ll love Riverdale. Two months ago (!!!) I made a Riverdale-theories blog, and I have been waiting for today to officially announce @thebestriverdaletheories !

I am not sure yet if I want to use this blog. I feel like this Tumblr experience should be uniquely special to Pretty Little Liars. If everything is special, then nothing becomes special - I feel like if I start another blog for another show, then this PLL experience will be diminished. Unless, we join each other. If a significant portion of this PLL fandom ports over to Riverdale, then I’m willing to give this new blog a shot! If you go and follow me over there, just send me a message and say that you were a part of the PLL squad, so I know who to follow back! I’d love to see the community continue in this way, if possible. We’ll see how it goes! But I’ll be on thebestplltheories dissecting the finale for a bit, before I move over. Plus, this PLL blog is my main blog, with the Riverdale blog being a side blog. So, I guess this Riverdale blog will be a way for PLL to live on, as I’ll have to look at thebestplltheories every time I log in! So yeah - I’ll give it some time, and we’ll see if PLL fans are passionate about Riverdale!

Thank you

Before this post, no one knew the truth behind this nameless faceless blogger. I feel embarrassed, yet amazing, to finally be sharing with you all my personal and private story.

I cannot find the words to express my gratitude to each and every one of you reading this. Likes, reblogs and pressing that follow button, whilst always appreciated, amounted to nearly nothing in the grand scheme of things. What I appreciate the most, is your gift to me: your gift of a voice. You all gave me a voice in a community that my society labelled for “females only”. I mean, over the years, I received numerous messages with tags like you go girl and thanks girl! Which is fine - how could you possibly know I’m male!? But I highlight this just to emphasise that intuitively, it was always assumed that I am female and so I kept my gender a secret, in fear of being dismissed and not taken seriously in this fandom. All I wanted to do was to participate in PLL theories, and I really did think that my gender wouldn’t allow that. Eventually, I realised that that’s so not true anymore; my gender doesn’t matter! Which poses the question - why didnt I admit this earlier? I didnt want to be known as that blog that’s run by a guy. I wanted to be seen as normal. I knew I wouldn’t get rejected and dismissed, but I also didn’t want to stand out even in this slightest way.

So thank you, ultimately for giving me a voice that my sister and her friends, on June 8 2010, said I can’t have. Thank you for entertaining me every single day. No, not just days of new episodes. We all know this is a daily thing, not weekly. You guys are funny, brilliant, optimistic, honest, kind, energetic, intelligent, passionate, loyal and loving. (Each word there has been carefully selected. I’m not throwing around random positively connoted adjectives.) Thank you for being a spark of positivity in my life for all these years.

FOREVER IN MY HEART, PRETTY LITTLE LIARS

The only ‘show’ I have ever watched, and ever will watch, that is not “just a television show for entertainment purposes only”. The only show who’s set I have visited. That means something to me.

8 June 2010 - 27 June 2017

To summarise this experience in five carefully chosen words: unforgettable, irreplaceable, fun, special, passionate.

Til DeAth Do Us Part.

[samwellwaffles]

Thank You, Pittsburgh

by Marc-Andre Fleury

It started in Nashville, 14 years ago.

Kind of ironic right now.

The 2003 Draft was at the Bridgestone Arena. As a young 18-year-old from Quebec, all I was hoping for was to hear my name. Pittsburgh had the third pick overall, but at the last minute, they made a trade with Florida to pick first. I had heard rumors that I might get picked by one of the first few teams, but didn’t believe it until I heard Craig Patrick call my name.

Pittsburgh. I would have been happy anywhere, but I got drafted by Pittsburgh. What a blessing. I would, maybe, get to play with Mario Lemieux. I would, hopefully, get to play for the team that had won back-to-back Stanley Cups in ’91-92. I would have a shot at playing in the NHL.

The next 14 years were beyond my wildest dreams.

Saying that the last few weeks have been bittersweet would be an understatement. As we reached the Stanley Cup finals, I knew very well that my time as a Penguin was nearing its end. I love to play. I love the game, and everything about it. Putting the mask on, diving around, stopping the puck, feeling the intensity of the game, feeling useful. I wish I could have been in net for my last game as a Penguin. But we raised the Cup, again, and it made all the sacrifices worthy. I felt proud — proud of my teammates for battling through injuries, for showing a lot of character, and for winning two years in a row. I am grateful that I had the chance to contribute to our success through the first rounds. And I feel very fortunate that the last time I have skated with a Penguins jersey, it will have been with the Stanley Cup in my hands. Not that it wasn’t an emotional moment.

Fourteen years. Nearly half of my life. I remember my first training camp, in September 2003, like it was yesterday. I was so nervous. There are so many expectations on a first-round pick, and I didn’t want to let anybody down. I just tried to do my best, and wanted to leave a good impression. But when you face Mario Lemieux in training camp, it can be quite intimidating, to say the least.

Everyone knows him as Le Magnifique, a hockey legend. I always loved watching him growing up. I remember the first time I stopped Mario in practice. It was a simple warmup shot. But you better believe that I kept that puck — and still have it at home. Mario is a great role model for me — his loyalty to the team, his contributions to the community, how he handles himself and how he and Nathalie raised four great, humble kids. I’ll always be thankful for their support throughout the years.

My first home game was against the Kings at the Igloo on Oct. 10, 2003. My dream was becoming a reality. Maybe the excitement was a little high. So high, that, well … I forgot something. As everybody was getting ready to head out of the locker room, I made my way towards the ice, fist bumped a few guys (including Marc Bergevin and Mario) and then I realized that I had forgotten my stick. It was a pretty funny walk of shame past all my teammates to go grab my stick.  As I was walking back, Mario cracked a little smile and said “You’re going to need that tonight, kid.”

I guess he was right. First shot of the game, first shot I faced in the NHL, and it goes in. That wasn’t part of my dream. But then, thankfully, it got better. I stopped Ziggy Palffy — a guy I watched growing up — on a breakaway. Then I stopped a penalty shot and finished the game with 46 saves on 48 shots. We lost that game, but that one will remain one of my best memories in Pittsburgh.

It was a pretty funny walk of shame past all my teammates to go grab my stick.

Even that first night, the fans were chanting Fleu-ry, Fleu-ry. They were holding up signs that said Welcome Home. I honestly couldn’t believe it. The rush from that, to tell you the truth, I can’t even describe it. It is just unbelievable. And it never gets old, trust me. The fans in Pittsburgh have been tremendous with me since the very beginning.

For a hockey player to get to play nearly 14 years in one city is a blessing. It wasn’t all fun and games, though. It was obviously difficult losing so much in the first few seasons. But then we got Geno. And then Sid. And then Staal (to name just a few). We started winning, and the Igloo was booming. It was a success built from figuring things out together, as a group. The loss to Detroit in the 2008 finals was one of the toughest experiences of my career. Being so close to reaching that Cup and then having to watch the Wings celebrate their win … it was brutal, but we needed it. I believe that, in the end, that loss helped prepare us for what was to come.

Game 7 of the 2009 finals in Detroit is without a doubt one of my favorite moments as a Penguin. Seeing my good friend Max Talbot score two huge goals for us was incredible. And then, of course, making that save against Lidstrom in the last seconds was something I will never forget. I proudly sported a deep bruise on my ribs from that save for weeks following that game. I’ll always remember my teammates jumping on the ice, racing toward me with the biggest smiles. The feeling of winning the Stanley Cup that night is indescribable.

Over the years, I probably don’t have to tell you, it’s been ups and downs. But one thing I will carry with me, long after I leave Pittsburgh — honestly, long after my playing career is over — is how amazing and strong the support was that I received from the fans.  

One of my best memories is from earlier this season, actually. We had just been on a road trip and it was our first game back home against Tampa Bay. I had been struggling a bit. I couldn’t buy a save, and I wasn’t feeling great about it. Everybody was getting ready for the anthem, and the crowd started chanting my name. It made no sense. I wasn’t playing well. The game hadn’t even started yet. But they were behind me anyway.

Fleu-ry, Fleu-ry.

Maybe they could sense that I was feeling a little down, and I needed it. We ended up winning the game, things turned around for me, and I ended up having a great season. That moment was the turning point, and it was because of our fans.

So thank you, fans. I wish I could put into words how much of an impact your support has made on me and my family. We have become Pittsburghers. My wife graduated from Robert Morris University, my daughters were born at Magee-Womens Hospital (sorry our commercial has been blasting on your TVs for more than a year), and our first house was in Moon. Pittsburgh and its people will forever be in our hearts.

Thank you to the Penguins ownership: to Mario and Ron, for their support and for striving to be the best organization by providing the team with the best people and the best facilities.  

Thank you to the organization: from the great GMs to the coaches who believed in me. Thank you to Gilles Meloche and Mike Bales, my goalie coaches, whom I’ve spent most of my career with, for always being there for me. Thank you to the medical, front office and equipment staff for all the good times and friendships.  

Thank you to my teammates. My friends. I am not good with the emotional stuff, and this is not easy. Over the years I have seen a lot of good people come and go. It is definitely one of the toughest parts of the business — making good friends and having to say goodbye. I have played with a lot of good dudes in Pittsburgh, and made so many good friends.  

Thanks, Sid, for all the years. We spent a lot of time together, always sat next to each other on the plane, behind one another on the bus, plus all the dinners before every game on the road. Thanks for helping me get through tough times and for being a good friend. It’s tough to say goodbye. I know we were both trying to avoid it. You’re the best. Next time we face each other, make sure you keep your head up. The poke check will be coming, like that one time in Rimouski.

Duper, Tanger, Geno, Kuni — it’s been an honor to go through all of this together. I couldn’t have picked better teammates and friends.  

And I guess I will stop there. Not because I have run out of people to thank or things to say — when it comes to my time as a Penguin, I think I could just go on forever.  

But thank you, everyone, for the support in the last week. All the calls, messages, pictures, the nice articles and videos. It has meant so much to me and my family as we are getting ready to begin a new chapter in our lives. It seems like just yesterday that I was a kid in this blue suit that my agent bought me for the draft, wearing this tie that I didn’t even know how to tie. (I later got fined a few times for coming to the games with it inappropriately tied.)  

And now here I am. I have a wife, two kids, and three Cups. I’m talking about my memories and saying my goodbyes. It might be an adjustment for my girls. They love waving the Terrible Towel and chanting, “Let’s Go Pens.”

Actually, when they see the Pens logo they say, “Go Papa Go!”

But I think we will tell them that moving somewhere new at a young age — yes it might be scary, but we just have to hang in there. We’re going to figure things out, and we’re going to find our way. And then we’ll blink, and suddenly that strange and new place … It won’t seem strange, or new, at all. It might even feel like home.

I still have a lot to wrap my mind around. I am honored that the Golden Knights picked me and I am looking forward to continuing to play the game I love. I don’t know how it will feel when I set foot in the PPG Paints Arena in February as the Vegas goaltender. Truthfully, right now I can’t even think about it. But what I do know is that I will be thrilled to see you all again.

Thanks, Pittsburgh. I will miss you.

(x)