#is this a spoiler? ...........................hm. maybe i should have thought this through more

[setmeatopthepyre]

Since you asked:

BT - Having their hair washed by the other 😘

okay so. I didn't actually get to the hair washing but. it is mentioned? oops. set post-8x15 in some nebulous near-future after Buck gets injured (how? who knows. who cares!) so heads up for spoilers and references to events in 8x11 and 8x15.

[bucktommy | 1043 words | spoilers for 8x11 and 8x15]

-

“My hair feels gross,” Evan groans, wincing as he runs the fingers of his left hand through his - definitely greasy - curls.

“Good morning to you, too,” Tommy deadpans, turning back to-- whatever he’d been doing when Evan had walked in, sleep-rumpled and scowling and fidgeting with his sling, his shirt, his hair.

Fruit. Right. He’d been cutting up fruit. He takes a deep, steadying breath, trying not to think of the last time they’d been here, in this kitchen, with Tommy making breakfast. Right after they’d hooked up. Right before Evan had told him he didn’t have feelings for him.

Evan is silent for a while. Tommy can’t help but glance up. Their eyes meet, and something open and vulnerable and complicated looks back at him. His voice is soft, still a little gravelly with sleep when he finally speaks. “Thank you.”

“Hm?”

Evan steps closer, hesitant. “For being here,” he clarifies. “For me.”

It isn’t a question, and there is no pretending he’s doing this it for someone else, for Howie, this time. Not like back in the helicopter, before he’d admitted to it anyway, before Bobby--

Tommy clears his throat. Nods. “Of course.” He puts down the knife, rinses and dries his hands. Immediately regrets not having something to do with his hands anymore.

“I could help,” he offers, and Evan blinks at him. “With your hair. I could--” he glances around the kitchen, “-- could move a chair in here, have you sit by the sink, wash your hair like that? Since, you know, your arm--”

Shit, was he overstepping? Had Evan mentioned it because he wanted help, or was he just making an observation? Maybe Evan was perfectly fine in the shower using just his left arm, maybe he wasn’t as full-body sore as he thought he would be, maybe--

“You’ve seen me naked before,” Evan says, head tipped to the side a little.

“That was different,” he replies.

“Was it?” The look in his eyes is a little daring, a little dangerous.

“Wasn’t it?” Tommy retorts, arms crossing across his chest.

“You’re here,” Evan says, like that should be answer enough.

“To help you.”

“You always do.”

Yes, Tommy wants to say, because I’m crazy about you, but that’s my problem, not yours. He doesn’t. Instead, he says, “I could leave, if you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t want you to,” Evan says, and Tommy is distantly surprised to find his heart is still capable of cracking a little more. Evan’s eyes widen. “Uh--” he says. “Leave,” he adds.

Tommy uncrosses his arms, flexes his hands, pats his pockets for his keys-wallet-phone. “I don’t-- I don’t want you to leave.” Evan stumbles over his words, steps closer with sure steps, winces at the movement. “Tommy.”

He’s close now, big blue eyes searching, and Tommy feels his resolve crumble again. Jesus, he really is gone for this kid. It's going to be the death of him, one of these days. He's sure of it.

He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, tries to locate his spine somewhere in the meantime. When his eyes open again, Evan is still looking at him, eyes wide and pleading.

“Please,” Evan says.

“Ok,” Tommy’s mouth replies before his brain can catch up. “Ok, but, Evan--” he reaches out on auto-pilot, catches himself in time, drops his hand again, Evan’s eyes tracking his every movement. “I want to help you. But if this doesn’t mean anything to you--” he forces himself to say, “-- then I don’t think I-- I can’t--” his mouth is too dry all of a sudden, his eyes too wet.

He doesn’t realize he’s looked away until Evan lets out a pained hiss and plants one big, warm hand on Tommy’s elbow at the same time. “What-- What do you mean?” he asks.

Tommy feels like an idiot, feels like he’s ripping open his chest and painting a big red bullseye on his heart, but he’s started this and so he has to see it through. He thinks of Bobby. Thinks of Evan in that hallway. He breathes in, meets Evan’s gaze. Tries to feel brave. Doesn’t. Decides to act like it anyway.

“I love you,” he says, feeling like someone’s gripping his vocal chords and squeezing tight. “I know you don’t, uh, have feelings for everyone you sleep with, but I do. Have feelings for you. I love you, Evan. I want--” He forces air into his lungs and out again. “I want to help you, I want to be there for you, but if you don’t-- if you--”

Evan is staring at him, his mouth open just a little bit. It should look dumb. It does, kind of. But it’s Evan.

Tommy’s not sure what words he’s said and hasn’t said, feels like they’re all sticking to the roof of his mouth, desperately wants a glass of water but can’t look away. He tries for another breath instead. “You know I can’t say no to you,” he says, voice cracking a little pathetically. “So please don’t ask me to.”

Evan is still staring. His eyes sparkle like a galaxy has just blinked into existence inside of them. Tommy’s hands itch. Evan’s hand has fallen away from his elbow.

He should probably leave.

“You’re not running,” Evan says faintly.

Tommy doesn’t know what to say to that, feels caught.

“You’re still here,” Evan says, the corners of his mouth curling up. God, he’s beautiful. “Y-You said all that, and you’re still here.”

“I… am?” He’s not sure he means it as a question, can’t really think about it with how Evan is looking at him. Beaming at him. Something hopeful carefully unfurls in his chest. It should hurt more than it does.

“You’re here. A-and you love me. Me.”

Tommy searches Evan’s face, tries to find anything, any little hint that he’s about to get his heart dashed against the rocks again. He doesn’t find it. He nods. “I am.” His throat feels rough. “I do.”

Evan reaches out, suddenly, winces again but that wide, wide grin is right back on his face in a heartbeat as he takes Tommy’s hand in his uninjured one. “Tommy,” he says. “Help me wash my hair?”

Tommy swallows.

“Of course,” he says.

-

[now on ao3]

[mullermilkshake]

Lucid Memories

Part 25 <- Part 26 -> Part 27

Jinwoo tries his best. Holy fuck.

Yandere!Jinwoo Sung x Fem Pregnant!reader Tags - Fluffy, angsty, mushy ball of mess.

<<< For more Dark/Yandere content, click this link to go back to the Masterlist! >>>

<<< Or back to this fic's Master list. >>>

I have only watched the anime and haven't gotten round to reading the manhwa yet. Please refrain from spoilers.

TAG LIST RE-OPEN (The tag list is back up and open for a little while, if you'd like to be tagged, please let me know! 🤗)

Jinwoo sat on the sofa, shoulder to shoulder with a woman he didn’t recognise.

By social standards, he should have been awkward and fumbling the bag hard with a pretty girl so close to him. But he wasn’t. 

There was some secondary force at work that moved him nearer, a guttural instinct he couldn’t play with and in honesty, it was exhausting.

Two magnets within close proximity to each other, right on the cusp until they edged closer and closer and then snapped together. Jinwoo sat on the teetering point of the unknown, gaining a sense of familiarity from nowhere. Would he snap too? Would all his memories of just you come back in a flash of hot and cold?

Jinwoo wasn’t focusing on the movie or anything the characters said, not when he stole glances your way every so often. It was the way the television glare bounced off your eyes in the dark like little mirrors into your life. You’d spoken of the relationship, little moments between you and him that were so special, Jinwoo almost wracked himself with guilt because he couldn’t remember it.

Still, you were holding up better than he thought someone in your shoes would react. Maybe you were throwing yourself into the movie to hide it, or allowing you time to think on things. You liked watching movies you’d told him, sitting together after a long day all snuggled up until you fell asleep and Jinwoo would wake you for bed. According to you, he would carry you to bed until recently, stroke your hair and cuddle next to you. That’s something a lover would do, and you and he were lovers.

But something played on Jinwoo’s mind. You never answered his question.

“Hey.” He said, pulling your attention away from the movie.

“Hm?” You looked at him innocently.

“Do you love me?”

At first, you were speechless. You relaxed a little. “I… I like to be with you, I want to be with you because-“

“But do you love me? Who I was as a person this morning before I left for that dungeon. Did you love him?”

You went to speak, then hesitated. Opening and closing your mouth on what to say, resting your hand on your baby bump like you were consulting the babies before you answered. The action alone churned his stomach into something he could choke on, anxiously awaiting your answer.

What is going on?

“I mean… you’re a little intense at times. Maybe a little too protective over me, but I like to think I do love you in my own way. We haven’t really had time to really get to know each other properly, not in the way that I’d like.”

I’m intense? That’s what she thinks of me? What the hell was I doing before that makes her think like that? 

Despite that, hearing you say you loved him sent the churned pit of his stomach flipping and rolling all twiddly in knots. The sensation overtook his entire body like burning, right up to his cheeks.

“How- how am I intense?” The first thing to leave his lips when he wanted to reiterate and clarify that you loved him.

“Well, you glare at people a lot when you think no one is watching, you’re adamant I’m never left alone with my doctor and you never like talking about Jong-in anymore if I ever bring him up. He’s going through a lot at the moment, but I know you’re cautious about him. It’s just really intense.”

Jinwoo’s eye twitched again, he pressed the plan of his hand to it when a jolt of biological electric pulsed through it.

He hated Jong-in, it was his immediate reaction like an allergy. Why did he hate a man who had done nothing to him?

“Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m alright. I just… I don’t like Jong-in at all, do I?” 

As far as he knew, he was indifferent to him, yet the more he thought about it, god he disliked the guy. It was something to do with you, he could tell, his gut was telling him.

“No, you really don’t, right now.” You giggled a bit, turning in your seat ever so slightly. “Sometimes I think you never have, but it’s because-“

“He’s in love with you, right?”

Someone at least, he loves someone. 

“Uh… yeah. Yeah- well that’s what you think anyway. But I’m not totally sold on that.”

It pulled a twisted knot in his chest like it wanted to wind him. Because a man whom he was indifferent to before loved you, was this a normal reaction to that information? If it was, Jinwoo before this shitty memory loss poison had a lot going for him, yet struggled with a lot of intense emotions that taxed his body.

“And how do you feel about him?” 

Your mouth dropped, eyes wide. “You never asked me that, not so directly before.”

“Oh… I’m just curious.”

“We were quite close, but being hunters has put a rift between us. We’ve tried to rekindle our friendship, but it never sticks. I think we suit better as acquaintances now. Especially with Hae-in having the baby soon. We just won’t have time to be friendly.”

That’s good- why am I thinking like that? 

Because he hated Jong-in, that’s why.

“I mean, even though it’s not directly to do with me, I’m glad you remembered something to do with me.”

“Yeah...”

Jinwoo lost his train of thought for a second. You were really beautiful, like really beautiful . He could only imagine how the babies would look. These mysterious babies you told him about, right close to his hand that he could touch with your permission. These little babies that caused such a ruckus within the association and here you were nurturing them.

Would they look like Jinwoo, or you? How would their lives turn out as they grew older with your temperament and smile? Maybe Jinwoo’s hair, but your eyes.

What if they turned out like me? I’d like that. Seeing myself like I was as a child. Like how Jin-ah was as a baby. At least they aren’t E-Rank like I was, then they wouldn’t face the ridicule I did. 

“Jinwoo…”

He blinked, not realising how close he’d gotten to you, lips parted, two more inches and he would have kissed you.

“Can I… can I kiss you?” His brain was clouded, confused, but his body wasn’t.

Naturally, you were untrusting. With each passing second, your breathing evened out. Fuck, you were pretty, he could understand how he’d fallen in love with you before. Just something about your eyes, like little pools of delicate, still aura, with something he must have taken advantage of before.

Home. 

“Okay.” Your breathing hitched, swallowing hard as he closed in.

Jinwoo didn’t think about it, he just went for it.

Your lips were soft, softer than soft, like silk. There was definitely a familiarity to it, and knowing what his relationship with you was like, it was natural to say ‘it was like he’d done it before’ of course he did, you showed him a picture of him kissing you. Yet in the flesh was something else entirely, like an out-of-body experience that he had some sort of control over.

Yet it was as though you and he were having a first kiss all over again.

The way his spine tingled and his hands moved and got grabby, running fingertips over the back of the sofa once he’d made himself comfortable, then wandering over your belly like it was magnetised. Comfort, they seeked comfort. He remembered the way he felt before, kissing and touching someone, feeling little zips of electricity to his heart to jumpstart it when the sensation made him more eager. 

Just one kiss led to two, then three. With enough self restraint, he pulled away and watched how breathless you were.

“Did… did that help you remember anything?” You said with so much hope.

A click and glimmer, but nothing concrete.

Fuck, it wasn’t just guilt now. If you could see your own hopeful face in the dark, you’d understand that you could bring the association to a halt just by looking at the Chairman that way.

“I’m sorry… not really. Just some feelings, but nothing about you exactly.”

“Oh… Sorry, I just need to use the bathroom, I won’t be long.”

Honestly, Jinwoo didn’t know how you made it off the sofa so quickly with how far along you were. He said nothing, unable to undo the tangle of his heart as you padded away towards the bathroom, the door closed harder than it should have.

He fucked up, but he couldn’t just pretend though, could he? That was an even bigger betrayal. What made it worse was your cries coming from behind the door.

“Shit- shit.” Jinwoo shot up and hurried over, pressing his ear to the door and listening for a moment before he wanted to knock.

Were you talking to yourself?

“Trust my luck for this to happen- I’m a bad omen- right before the babies get here.” You sobbed between hiccups. “I knew- I just knew I’d have to do this on my own and he doesn’t even remember me! What if he doesn’t want to get married or just leaves me- how the hell am I going to raise these babies alone? I can’t- I can’t do it!” 

Pain shot through his head like a crack, pelting his brain with a memory of something, or someone, a woman with no face. No voice.

The babies. She wanted to give the babies away, right?

No, she wouldn’t have. But that had to be you, sitting in Jinwoo’s car. Still, they had no fucking face, like someone had rubbed out her face with an eraser. No scent, no sounds, no face. This was the spider’s doing, Jinwoo wanted to learn more if his head didn’t hurt so much.

Jinwoo knocked on the bathroom door in hopes to hear over the throbbing pain. “Ba- hey, are you okay in there?”

He almost called you baby, that would have been awkward. Pet names weren’t really the right priority. He knocked again after your cries silenced and awaited a response.

“I-I’m fine… I just need a minute.” 

“Take all the time you need…” Even Jinwoo didn’t have confidence in his own words.

He slid down the door frame and waited there, hands pressed to his knees in a rut. Hearing you cry hurt his chest, like a red hot poker to his skin pushing right through to his heart and surrounding organs. It shouldn’t hurt this much when a girl he didn’t remember cried like that. It must have been muscle memory, his body going through the motions without being attached to his brain. And in the short few hours he’d been around you, there was one thing he didn’t need to surmise.

Being around you was exhausting to his body, yet he wanted to be close to you.

Maybe I’m just clingy and don’t realise, or like she said, over protective, I must hover around her like a lost bee or something.  

It was as if a section of his identity had disappeared. You really must have been the woman of his dreams to have this kind of effect on him, on his body, even if his brain wasn’t cooperating.

Empty, he’d describe the sensation as empty. A lack of control over it, sort of like his previous E-Rank status. Powerless. And he had all the power in the country at his fingertips, and yet he couldn’t use it.

What do I do?  

What can I do? 

Jinwoo thought hard and waited for the idea to pop into his head like lightning. One possible thing he was capable of while stepping up to be a father of his children.

Shit, I’m gonna be a dad. 

It still hadn’t sunk in.

When you emerged from the bathroom, puffy eyed and red nosed, the idea came to Jinwoo like a divine calling.

If I can’t remember, I guess I’m just going to have to fall in love with her all over again. 

Not a full proof plan, but a start.

Part 25 <- Part 26 -> Part 27

Thank you for reading and all of the support on this fic! ❤️ Likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated and I appreciate you all! See you next time 🤗

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@yessirr7 @qmabailor @yihona-san06 @mashiromochi @daiyanomochi

@justatimidcreator @alia-17 @otomegamesforlife @m00n-estelle @towomatos

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DISCLAIMER - Crossposted from my AO3 - I do not own any of the characters or anything from the anime or manhwa. This is a work of fan fiction and is absolutely not representative of the views or intentions of the original creator(s).

Also please don’t post any of my work without permission thank you!

[ghosts-to-reid]

A Tragedy for The Bard

Request: In which the reader is Spencer Reid's best friend for two years since he joined the BAU. The reader saw Spencer loving JJ, Lila and now a mysterious girl on the phone "Maeve" when one day Spencer introduces her to the team, they are all happy for him, the reader was very sad but wants Spencer to be happy with Maeve @shuichiakainx

A/N: I kinda changed the timeline of the friendship and the request a lil but i hope you enjoy still! Accidentally went off and wrote an entire novel so i hope you enjoy!

TW: Maeve arc spoilers, violence, suicide, stalking, bodily harm

ANGSTY

SPENCER REID REQUESTS OPEN!

Spencer Reid has been your best friend since you joined the FBI’s renowned BAU. He was sweet and kind, always attentive to your emotions, and showing he cared. He’d bring you coffee every morning, sit with you at lunch, and then, more often, than not, hang out with you through evenings; You never had set plans together, but the impromptu nature of your friendship is what made it exciting. After all, he was your best friend, things should be this easy with him.

Of course, having a crush on your best friend isn’t completely bizarre. The brain can get confused with chemicals and all, the attraction you have to Spencer is simply a bug in your brain that’ll balance out eventually…

That’s what you told yourself when you saw the pictures of Spencer and Lila in the pool. This was when you were both still fairly new, when he was a merely 23 and you were 25. Of course, he was already far more qualified than you were, and when you met, the fact you’d skipped 2 grades didn’t seem so impressive anymore… yet you couldn’t hold a grudge. The pair of you worked together amazingly, Derek and Elle often poked fun at you both when they over heard, quote “nerdy-ass nonsense” (Eloquently said, Agent Morgan) but you cherished those moments. Those moments were what made you fall for his mind first and foremost, the discussions, massively unorthodox hypotheticals, spirited debates, it was all so easy with him. Of course, you’d acknowledge that he’s attractive, very much so you thought. But you were co workers, so the tinge of jealousy you felt whenever Spencer and Lila interacted just had to be ignored.

The thing that stung the most was Spencer’s eagerness go to talk to you about their kiss.

The team had just wrapped up the Lila Archer case. You were all exhausted, of course, but you maybe more so than the rest of the team. Sitting alone with your head resting atop your fist, staring into space whilst the rest of the team settled into their seats. You barely notice Spencer sitting in the single seat across from you, speaking your name softly to get your attention. Eventually you notice, lifting your head, slowly blinking at him

“Hm?”

“I was just wondering if… if you had a chance to look through the case file yet…” his voice held a nervous edge as he fiddled with his cuffs. He was wondering if you saw him and Lila, making out, in a pool. You sure as hell had and you were desperately trying to hide your seething jealousy that you weren’t the one in that pool with him. However, you feigned negligence.

“No.” Shaking your head lightly, voice soft, you were emphasising your fatigue in an attempt to keep this interaction short “I’ve not had the time yet.”

He seemed slightly relieved, his shoulders were still tense as he leaned back in his seat, though. He seemed to be looking for an invitation to continue, but you weren’t going to give it to him yet.

“She kissed me…” he muttered quietly, his fingers seemingly becoming fascinating to him. The breath caught in your lungs for a second before you pulled your lips into a tight, albeit forced, smile.

“That’s great Spencer. I’m happy for you.” You speak softly and slowly, trying to convince both him and yourself that your statement was truth. He seemed convinced by the small smile on his face, a blush to his cheek. He opened his mouth to continue but you were interrupted by Gideon’s voice

“Y/N! Come over here a second.” Was all he said. Spencer looked at you confused, and you gave him a puzzled look back. Unsure of what Gideon wanted, you stood silently and made your way over to where he sat with Hotch. You slid in across from them, Gideon was reading the paper whilst Hotch had a pen in his hand, silently writing. Confusion was still lingering as you sat there for a moment before you saw the small smile on Hotchs face, and Gideon caught your eye, giving you a small wink befor returning to his paper. Unsure how to feel at the seemingly all knowing nature of the pair, who had assessed you needed an out, you rested back into your original position, head leaning against the window and you closed your eyes. Trying to ignore the sting in your chest as you try to sleep, ignoring the lingering image of the two that had somehow burned itself at the back of your eyelids.

Though still painful, your young heart broken by a simple kiss, it was of course nothing compared to the heart break that came 2 years later. The friendship that had started as close work companions had turned into you becoming best friends, to the pair of you being nearly inseparable. At this point, you were the dream team, you had learnt to shoulder your crush on the boy wonder. Of course, the teasing was still there, you were after all very close, but it didn’t make you flush the same rose as it had before. The same can be said for Spencer, who now just huffed at Dereks implications. Of course, people on the team were aware of your crush on Spencer, they were profilers. Yet they kept it to themselves, with the obvious exception of Derek.

It was a typical Saturday night for you and Spencer, as typical as possible when you’re not away on a case anyway. Both of you were sat on his couch, legs touching, your skin felt like it was on fire at the points where you both meet, yet you had long since learnt to ignore the warm feeling you felt at moments like these. It was late, really you should’ve gone home hours ago, Saturday had become Sunday hours ago, but the two of you had been caught up in conversation, a common occurrence between the two of you. Tonight, though, had been a night of deep conversations, psychological exploration of each others memories. The topic of crushes had come up, Spencer had opened up to you about what had happened to him in Highschool, and you comforted him. Then, you shared a story about how your diary was stolen, and the pages of embarrassing love poetry were printed and posted around your school. His way of comfort is to tell you how he’d think it was romantic, before rambling about the Shelley’s and Byron.

“Do you have a crush right now?” You asked sleepily, you were sleepily hopeful of a love confession but you weren’t counting on it. Spencer only saw you as a friend after all.

Spencer leans back on the couch, looking back up to you with half lidded eyes. He takes a moment to read your face, to look for any kind of malice or mischief, and when finding none, pulls his lips to a tight line.

“Kind of… I love someone.” Was all he said. It was clear that the sleep deprivation was acting like a truth serum on you both, and making you both bolder. Maybe not for the better…

You’d perked up slightly when he’d said the word ‘love’, hoping again, silently it was you. That, he’s finally, after 4 years of pining in your friendship, that he’d realised his feelings for you. You promoted him to continue, hoping for him to speak your name.

“JJ…” he was breathless

Again, that twisting pain hit you like a train. Your chest aches and your eyes suddenly felt very itchy. Spencer continues, as if he doesn’t need another print after seeing you enthusiasm.

“She’s just, so kind yanno? And I know that you’re probably thinking she’s too pretty or nice for me but, I don’t plan to act on it. I don’t want to destroy our friendship over this, but I've loved her for a while now. I love her laugh, her eyes. She’s so kind to everyone, you know?” He continues to ramble for a few minutes whilst you sit still, focusing most of your energy on not crying right now. Instead, the strength to interject conjures itself.

“That’s great Spencer. I’m happy you know how it feels to love someone, even under painful circumstances. Believe me, I know how you feel, I’ve been there.” You have his knee a reassuring squeeze before sluggishly attempting to stand, but Spencer grabs your wrist softly.

“Where are you going?”

“It’s late, Spencer… I need to go home.” Glancing at the clock, it read 5:07, the sun would be rising soon and you’d love nothing else but to cry in your own bed and sleep the Sunday away. He pulls you down to the couch once more before shifting to sit and face you.

“You don’t have to go, you can stay here tonight… I mean this morning…?” He looks at you with a tender gaze that makes your heart ache after his confession not even two moments ago. Ordinarily, you’d stay in his bed whilst he took the couch, an arrangement he absolutely insisted on, and you held little resistance to. Your main self control impulse was being kept in check from asking him to join you. If you hadn’t felt on the brink of breaking down in sobs, you wouldn’t have even thought about it. But tonight, you learned that not only Spencer’s love was unrequited, it was also no where near directed to you. Reality checks hurt, and are dealt with best in bed, in the dark. Therefore, the shake of your head takes him off guard as you silently move to put on your shoes. Spencer follows behind you

“I can’t stay tonight sorry Spencer, I said I’d take my grandma to church-“ a blantant lie, she lived in Texas. You hoped he didn’t know that. He shook his head though.

“I don’t want you to get a taxi at this time, why don’t you stay here and I’ll drive you tommorow?” He’s worried of course and you sigh. Shaking your head once more, why was he so caring? He was now rambling statistics about kidnappings and murders of women at this time of day, knowing his relentless efforts weren’t in vain as you were weak to his efforts. You gave into him.

“Fine! Fine…” you take a deep breath and rub your eyes, hoping he’s interpreting how red they are as sleep depravation, rather than the effort holding back a flood of tears. “I’ll just cancel tomorrow...” you lie again, quickly moving to his bedroom door, him in tow, not giving him the opportunity to reply as you flop onto the bed facing away from spencer. He watched you with a furrowed brow, but follows the regular routine you had both settled into when you stay. He grabs a pillow and a blanket, and presses a small kiss to your forehead before grabbed his book off of his nightstand. However, already heartbroken enough, you can’t handle that ‘friendly’ forehead kiss and so you purposely pulled the duvet over your head. However, it didn’t stop him from pressing a small kiss to the duvet, you could feel the bed dip where he leaned on the matress, of course he wouldn’t care about a stupid duvet.

10 minutes is how long you wait before you finally let out a quiet sob. Luckily, they’re mostly hushed by the thick duvet that’s still wrapped around your head, and you bring your hand up to muffle the rest of the sound as you cry over Spencer Reid. The smell of coffee and patchouli is thick on his duvet, a normal comfort contorted into a terror that spurs another soft cry. You stay like that until you fall asleep, where you end up sleeping till 3 pm.

You awake to a sandwich on the side table, accompanied by a glass of orange juice. Spencer left a note reading “JJ asked if I’d help her with something, be back before 4.” Ignoring the sandwich, you made as quick of an exit as you could. Unaware of the tears stains you had left in Reid’s pillow….

Of course, you eventually healed from that. Neither relationship had ever come to fruition after all. That is why now, after how ever many years of friendship, you were going to be bold. You were going to tell him how you really felt. In a moment of sentimentality, had bought a collection of various romantic era poetry, and wrote your own little addition asking him on a date, as a call back to that intimate night, and with hope to rewrite that memory for yourself. Nothing could go wrong, you and Spencer had be great, as great as you could be whilst dealing with psycho killers.

Arriving at the office, you had no time to drop the book off onto his desk. Hotch called the team into the conference room with a morose look, that made your face pale.

There, Spencer stood in front of the team, looking disheveled and sleep deprived was the last crack in the dam of emotion for you. He looked so small, so fragile. Not meeting anyone’s eye, speaking like he’s in a trance. He’s asking for the teams help.

Help to find his kidnapped girlfriend.

You could’ve been sick right then and there, and you actually almost were. The speed your stomach dropped at this new reveltaion was enough to make you excuse yourself, hand over your mnouth, face pale. Unsure if it was due to the shock, the heartbreak, the anxiety, or maybe a mix of all there, you excuse yourself from the room. Your heart aches that you left so suddenly, but you couldn’t help this obviously. The run to the ladies room was quick, as you burst into a stall. Vomiting was never elegant, and the same was so in work. After a few moments you cleaned the corners of your mouth with a tissue before leaning back and grabbing your phone from your pocket. A text from Emily on your screen

“You okay?”

Nope. I was going to confess my love in a very embarrassing way and admit that Reid admitting he had a girlfriend made you literally, throw up from... A shitstorm of emotions. Drafting a quick excuse, you send her a message back. Within a second of your message, another agent from a desk nearby had seen you running to the bathroom, and brought you your bag as an act of kindness. She thought you might not feel well and would want something and was gone as quickly as she arrived, wishing you well. Thankful for her kindness, you quickly cleaned yourself up before grabbing your phone once more.

You love Spencer. So, so much. So much that you can't, in good conscience, work this case without fear of conflict of intrest. But not wanting to share this, you decide that food poisioniong was a better excuse and head home, apologising to the team over text, and wishing them good luck. Of course, the team were pre occupied with finding Maeve, Garcia filled you in, so there wasn't much resistence to your absence.

The speed that events transpired, however, made you relieved that you hadn't dropped the book off on spencers desk this morning.

A few hours pass after the incident, you were sitting at home watching some mind numbing reality T V Show, trying to numb the heartbreak that ached within your core. You were a few seconds away from dissasociating when there was a knock to the door. Debating the practicality of ignoring it, you decide not to thinking that it was perhaps a member of the team. You were wrong however, when you open the door to a small brunette.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, I broke down outside and i was just wondering if I could use your phone to call roadside assitance? My phone literally just died!" She looked exhasberated, and exhausted. Taking pityyou nod and let her inside

"Sure, let me just grab it for you. You can wait in here." Turning your back on, you went to grab your phone from the sofa you had just been curled up on. Before you could take two steps, you felt a heavy weight at the back of your head.

Momentairly your vision turned black. Trying to regain your footing, you spin the meet the girl who was now holding the metalic decrative bowl that you palced your keys into. Before you could form another thought, she hit you once more. Finally knocking you out.

By the time you came to, you couldn't help but feel the hard pounding radiating through your skull. Your vision was blurry, only slightly making out some figures in front of you. One of your eyes couldn't open all the way either, as if stuck shut. Memory of your attack came back in bits, but you were unable to focus though. Definetly concussed to some degree. Slowly, you attempted to move your hand to your eye, only to discover that you were tied tightly to a chair.

After a few moments of your semi concious state, you could make out the voice of a woman in front of you.

"Y/N... Y/N wake up... Y/N?" A soft voice ushered you slowly out of you daze, and finally you focused on the woman. She was also tied up. She was brunette, with soft features that matched her voice. Weakly you aknowledged her

"Where... Where are we?"

"I... I dont know... But help is coming. I know that." You looked at her for a moment, trying to recognise her.

"How do you know my name?" Theres a resistance to your voice, though weak.

"Spencer's told me about you." She smiled, your stomach dropped.

"You're... You're Maeve?" Nodding in response, she began to speak before beiung cut off by the sudden apperance of the small brunette. She slamed the door shut before she entered. She began to bark demands, you learnt her name was Diane. She berated you about your feelings for spencer, teasing you and Maeve. Succesfully breaking your heart more.

Then, a buzzer sounded.

"Oh. Here he is now." Diane barked orders through the phone and slowly, Spencer came into view. Breath catching in your chest, you were unable to look at him, knowing he wasn't here for you. His arms up as Diane pointed her gun at him

"Im here now. We made a deal." His voice was broken. "Let them go."

"I will. But first i need you all to hear something." She reached to the table behind her, and procured a book. The very same book you had intended to give to Spencer just this morning.

"No. No that's nothing please-" You plead despertly, trying to convince the woman to have any modicum of mercy. Spencer glanced at you softly. Your beggign was interupted by Diane opening the books dedication page, that you had written a poem on

"The smell of coffee, and your furrowed brow, An instant smile that inspire, How could i ever hide my longing desire To place a kiss to that brow To fill your cup, and hold thy hand

Lounging and talking, for you do not know How dearly my love is rooted In your voice, your home, from my heart to yours Through danger, i'd die through strife i'll hold Through it all i shall hold thy hand

I'll read to you, if you'll read to me To be in your heart is a future i'd like to see So Spencer I ask, May I be yours, as you have been mine?" Diane recited. At this point, you were sobbing silently, unable to meet the gazee of anyone. Diane had a diabolical smile on her face as she teased all of you, feeling satisfied that you had been humiliated, she turned her attention to Maeve. Focusing your attention to dampen your sobs was your prioty right now. After all, Maeve wasn't the only girl here in danger.

In truth, you were foucinsing on anything other than Spencer's outpouring of love for Maeve.

Your attention was finally caught again when Diane grabbed Maeve, holding a gun to her head. Spencer pleaded for her life.

"Take me instead" He pleaded. Setting Diane off once more, in fury, holding the gun to both her and Maeves head.

You didn't expect ehr to pull the trigger.

You scremaed and tried to wiggle your way free from your constraints as the team rushed in. Spencer dropped to his knees, watching as the blood of both women combined, and slowly crept across the wooden floor. The team were in shock for a moment, before someone untied you. Quickly wisking you to an ambulance ready outside.

There were no words for the cocktail of emotions you felt. Apparently, according to Emily, Diane had decided to target you after discovering your closeness to Reid. She wanted to leave as much wreckage in her wake as possible. The team had been alerted to your dissapearance when Penelope had called you 34 times and you hadn't answered. She hacked into your doorbell camera and discovered the footage of Diane taking you, where Derek and Emily had discovered the struggle between you.

You had been assigned mandatory leave of 2 months and was thankful for the break.

A month and a half goes by wihtout a word from Spencer. Of course, you weren't surprised. After what had happened, you knew he would seclude himself. Normally, you'd would be there for him. But not now. It was imposssible for you with both the trauma of that night, and also the humiliation that your love confession was read by a psychopath who moments later, murdered his girlfriend.

You werent sure you'd ever be able to face him again.

Of course, heartbreak and trauma are never a good combonation. You had been neglecting yourself slightly, so dragging yourself to the shower felt like much more of a chore. Without dwelling on the past, the tried your best to focus on the song playing whilst you scrubbed your scalp, taking your agression out that way. When you eventually emerged from the bathroom, you put on a fresh set of pyjamas and made your way to the living room. Before you could sit, there was alight tapping on the door.

Since the incident, you were wary of unexpected visitors. Spencer would interject with a fact about PTSD and try to calm you down, but you try to shake off the thought. Instead, you do whatyou shouldve done that day, and open the phones app to look throguh the camera. There stood Spencer. Thinner, languid and visibly exhausted. A pang hit in your chest before you debated answering. Giving in though, chest hurting more at the thought of him ebing alone right now in this state.

Gingerly, you unlock the various locks you had had installed, and open the door slightly, only peeking your head out of the small gap.

"Spencer?" He looked up slowly, eyes meeting yours. His eyes were dull and red from the amount of tears you were sure he ahd shed.

"Can i come in?" His voice was weaker than youd imagined, but you stepped to the side. Once more pushing aside any of your own feelings inf avour of his, as usual.

He made his way to his usual spot on the couch, you sit on the further end, unsure where you stood with him anymore. As you sat, his eyes met yours in confusion, usually youd be sat right next to him. "Are you okay?" It seemd a silly question from him, given the current situation. All you did was nod silently in response, pulling your knees to your chin. There was a few moments of silence before Spencer toutched your arm, making you look over to meet his pleading gaze.

"Im sorry..." Was all he said. Without realising, you let out the tears you had been holding, you shook off his hand so that you coulkd wipe your eyes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." You didn't want to have this conversation. "You didn't know."

"But-"

"You didn't know. And it doesn't matter." Your voice was more forceful than intended. This isn't a discussion you wanted to have. Not now. Not after Maeve, you weren't an emotional rebound. You weren't going to fill the void of Maeve in his heart.

"You're my friend. I was being innaprpiate im sorry. It was silly."

Spencer has a pensive look on his face, his brow furrowed but lip wobbling in an attempt to surpess your rejection.

"Y/N no, no we aren't avoiding this..." He spoke tearfully "Why did you never say anything?"

"Because there was always someone else!" You surprised yourself at your outburst. Clamping a shocked hand on your mouth you tried to hold back a loud sob. Spencer was stunned

"Someone... else?" He was confused, obviously. He never considered himself an avid dater, and you only knew about maeve fr a day before...

Plucking up any modicum of courage you had, you took a deep breath.

"Lila Archer. JJ. And..." You didn't want to speak her name, but the absence didn't dull the obvious pang to spencers heart.

"But. But they were years apart... I dont understand?"

"It takes courage spencer... And when that courage is destroyed, it takes time to build up once more..." Staring at a spot on the rug, you began absent mindendly picking at your nails, a habit you had when anxious.

Spencer noticed this and grabbed your hands to stop you. A gesture that would have comfoted you before, but now makes you jump. He holds them tightly between his and pulls you to face him.

His eyes were still pfilled with despair for Maeve but, he looked at you so, so softly. So gently that you felt your heart flutter like it did only 2 months ago.

"I wish you told me..." His voice broke, tears spilling from eyes slowly. Reanimating your own tears you begin to shake your head, pulling your hands from his and standing, walking away from him.

"No spencer... No not now... We can't." You sob. folding your arms, avoiding his stare.

He stands and rushes to your side grabbing your shoulders, making you meet his gaze once more.

"Why?" he begs "Why can't we?" His voice is broken once more "I love you, please. I love you too!"

Breaking from his hold you walk away from him once more, towards your front door.

"It isn't right Spencer..." You mutter softly "Not by you, or me... Or Maeve..." Reaching for the door handle, you take another shakey breath before pulling your front door open. "I think it's best you leave."

Spencer is silent, pleading with you to change your mind. He doesn't say a word though, simply wipes his eyes before silently walking through your door. Giving you one last despearte look before you force yourself to close the door behind him.

The rest of your leave was spent heartbroken, sobbing alone in your bed.

[giveafike]

omg i’m obsessed with your NSFW alphabet post for ben!!!!! i need more about him after a rough match, constantly watching you in the stands making gestures towards him during breaks getting him all worked up before you guys go back to the hotel room ooohhhh i know he wouldn’t hold back at all

TLDR: SO I ACTUALLY CHANGED PROMPT SLIGHTLY.... Girlfriend!reader x BenShelton have locker room sex after a bad match…..🫵☹️

Word count + info: 3.3k! Dialogue (sex talk).

Warnings + Content Ahead: NSFW - Minors DNI!! Somewhat rough sex, unprotected, creampie, fingering, hickeys, v v v light mention of throatplay (barely), kinda public sex...this one kinda nasty chat...☹️🧍‍♀️

Azzie Notes ✚: So...I was thinking of having reader be super distracting but then I was like hm, would Ben acc even look during a game...idk and then secondly...would Ben even wait to make it to the hotel...idt so...yeah.......unsuspecting reader getting freaky in the locker room…you're NASTY anon! 🫵☹️

Did I finish writing this half way through the Basel final...shut up....🧍‍♀️

Socials + Updates: twitter ( @azziegivesafike) - feel free to follow and msg me about non requests there, I'll be posting life updates, story + req updates and spoilers/teasers alongside other things, so it'd be nice to have a community over there!

————————————————————————

High Stakes - B.T.S.

Your leg bounced nervously as you watched Ben rise from his bench. The first few points seemed fine, almost routine for Ben. But it didn’t take long before you began noticing subtle cracks, maybe even before Ben himself had realised. His footwork lagged by fractions of a second, and his serves, normally ruthless, razor-sharp, started drifting. Then came the returns from his opponent, each one landing like a blow. Every small mistake, every lost point, seemed to pile on, and Ben’s frustration grew, simmering in his narrowed eyes, his tense posture, the way his hands tightened around his racket. At one point, he even muttered something under his breath, his voice taut with a tone you knew all too well. When the ball hit the net, you winced. You could feel the frustration in his stance, the way his shoulders squared too rigidly, his jaw clenched like a steel trap, his chest rising and falling a little too quickly. And that telltale twitch in his fingers as he adjusted his grip.

His opponent was skilled, sure, but it was something else gnawing at Ben, an invisible pressure like a shadow he couldn’t shake, slipping the game out of his hands, inch by inch. As he readied his next serve, you bit your lip, watching him closely. You knew he’d spent hours obsessively drilling this exact serve, pushing himself to the limit. Lately, he’d been rocking between overconfidence and gnawing self-doubt, a rare state to see. Usually, Ben cleared his head before the fog even had a chance to settle. But not today.

You exhaled, bringing a hand up to your mouth, the other wrapping around yourself as if to brace against the tension. Your fingers tightened around the soft fabric of your knitted sweater, your pleated skirt neatly folded on your lap. Watching him like this was agony, knowing he’d been swallowed by his thoughts, by the frustration gnawing at his confidence.

Just then, your attention snapped back to the court. One serve, just one brutal miss, one that should’ve been easy, slipped from his grasp, and you could see him grit his teeth, his head tilting back as he let out a frustrated shout. The crowd shifted, murmuring, their collective breath held. You knew the signs, Ben was losing himself in the frustration, letting it drive him to the edge.

And then it happened.

It was a rally he should have won. His opponent sent a high shot, and he should’ve had it. But his timing faltered, just a hair off. The game ended then and there, the win slipping away in a flash, almost as if it had never been his. Frustration bubbled over, and with a furious yell, he threw his racket across the court, watching it clatter and skid.

You held your breath, standing up slowly as the crowd’s murmur rose, eyes locked on Ben as he stormed over, picked up his racket, and turned toward his opponent. He forced himself through the handshakes, his nod barely a formality, his expression set and unyielding. He didn’t look at the crowd, didn’t acknowledge the thin applause scattered here and there. Instead, he headed to his bench, his eyes low and movements stiff as he packed his bag with mechanical precision, each item stashed away with clipped efficiency. Without a glance back, he made his way toward the locker room, his face a mask of tension.

As he gathered his things, you took a steadying breath before you made your way to his private room, feeling nothing but raw empathy and heartbreak for him, each step heavy with the weight of what you’d just witnessed. You leaned against a locker and took a deep breath, readying yourself for your boyfriend to open that door in his truest and rawest emotional and mental state.

The door swung open, and he stepped inside, his gaze darkening the second he saw you waiting. He threw his bag down, jaw clenched, a flash of anger still alive in his eyes. The sweat on his brow glistened, his breathing rough, and his fists clenched as if he were ready to fight the whole world.

"Ben," you whispered softly, stepping forward. But he only shook his head, as if you couldn’t possibly understand.

"Don’t. Don’t try talkin' or therapising me down right now, Y/N, I don't need-" he hissed, voice thick as he dropped his bags on the floor, his accent twisting his words almost into a snarl, his eyes roaming up your body until they meet your eyes. “I don't need you tryin’ to fix this.”

"I’m not trying to fix anything, I’m just here for you, baby" you replied, your voice sweet and steady, knowing he was running on pure adrenaline and emotion. You held your hands up like you were surrendering, showing you meant no harm or malice. His eyes were focused on rummaging through his bags, not even caring for your words.

You pressed on, stepping closer until you could feel the heat rolling off him in waves. "It was just a match, baby. You'll get them next time."

His head snapped up, eyes blazing with an intensity that stole your breath. His rummaging stops as he takes in your words. There was something primal in that gaze, something that spoke of barely contained chaos. "Next time," he scoffed, the words dripping with disdain. "You think I care about next time?"

You reached for him, fingers brushing against the stubble on his jaw. "I just want you to calm down. It's not the end of the world."

A bitter laugh escaped him, and in an instant, he was on his feet, towering over you, his presence overwhelming.

"Calm down?" he growled, and the sound rumbled through you, igniting a fire deep in your belly. He was towering over you, his attention fully concentrated. "You think I need to be calm right now? You wanna know what I need so bad since you're so eager to fix everything? Hm?" He cocked his head, eyes narrowed, challenging you.

His eyes locked on yours, intense, and then before you could say another word, his mouth was on yours, rough and desperate. There was no caution, no holding back, only a white-hot, almost bruising need that swept you both up. His hand gripped the back of your neck, tugging your hair, his other hand moving to your waist, pulling you flush against him. You couldn't help but let out a small whimper into the kiss, feeling so meek in his intensity.

"Ben-" you gasped between kisses, but he didn’t let you finish. “Anyone could knock and w-walk in or see-”

“I don’t give a fuck,” he murmurs his voice a low growl that sends a thrill of apprehension and arousal through you. “Let 'em fuckin' come. I’m past carin’. All that matters right now is you fixin' me.”

Before you can even think of a protest, his lips are locked back onto yours, the kiss more aggressive as he bites and sucks your lower lip, gliding his tongue across it before slipping in, the taste of his frustration mingling with your desire.

His hands roamed your body, rough and insistent, as if mapping every inch of you could somehow soothe the storm inside him. You gave up on protesting, finding it hard to be anything but submissive at this moment; after all, this was what he needed, right?

You did try to pull back, trying to find some, any, shred of grace and poise left in you to restrain yourself until you were in private or, rather, to offer words of comfort to Ben, but he wouldn't let you. His fingers tangled in your hair, tight and tugging, holding you captive to his need. His tongue fights yours, both of you stifling moans into each other's mouths.

"Ben, we don't have to do this now," you murmur, trying to maintain some semblance of control. There was no real conviction in your voice, you could feel the heat pool within you, your skin set alight by his grip, your heart beating in a deafening thump inside your head.

"I don't wanna think or talk," he rasped, his voice a low growl against your lips. "I just want to feel."

With that, you felt any atom of composure leaving your body, quickly replaced by striking hot need.

Ben had gone beyond the point of reason, his frustration driving him forward. His hands went to the back of your thighs, lifting you off the ground with ease, making you wrap your legs around his waist, your arms tossed over his shoulders and lost in his damp curls, your nails scraping his scalp. His head dips to your jaw, kissing and grazing his teeth roughly against your smooth skin, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses that seared your skin. His teeth grazed your collarbone, a low growl rumbling in his chest that resonated through your very bones. Ben comes back to take good care of your neck finding that sweet spot, making your eyes flit shut, soft moans escaping your lips.

He backs you up towards the lockers, still hoisting you up on him as the cold metal hits your back and his hands slide up under your sweater, gently palming your breasts. In one fluid motion, he breaks the kiss with a grunt, throwing the sweater over your head and onto the floor, his hand cupping your left breast before tugging it out from your bra, unbothered to even unclasp it.

You could taste the salt of his sweat, and feel the rapid thud of his heart against your chest as he pressed you back against the cool metal lockers. The contrast of heat and chill along with the breeze of air hitting your torso sent a shiver racing through you, igniting every nerve, heightening every sensation. The cool air brushed against your bare skin, raising goosebumps that he chased away with his mouth, his tongue tracing a fiery path down your chest. His fingers roll your nipple, tweaking as he connects himself back to your collarbones, making his way down to your breast. Ben pushes his mouth onto you, sucking your nipple while his hands roam down, gripping your ass before trailing your inner thigh slowly.

You pant as Ben's free hand travels down to your skirt, the other prodding into your hip. His hand moves painfully slowly as it works its way up to palm through your underwear, his fingers work relentlessly. You feel yourself getting wetter, knowing full well that anyone could catch you both in the heat of the moment, the thrill sending shivers down your spine. His touch is commanding, leaving no room for doubt or hesitation.

He pushes your underwear to the side, lifting one of your legs higher up on his waist without warning. You gasp as he enters you with two fingers, his thrusts hard and fast, no time for you to adjust. You were clamping around him, feeling your slick folds engulf him as he brings his thumb to your clit, rubbing in rough circles, matching his aggression. Beads of sweat from his match and the passionate scene unfolding rolled down his neck as he watched your face contort with pleasure.

"I wish I could get in you right now," he murmurs into your breast, his voice hoarse with need. He pulls his head back to look you in the eyes. "But I need to work you up to that. Look at me with your pretty eyes, don’t you dare look away."

You tried your best to open your eyes, biting down on your lower lip to muffle your whimpers and moans as your back arched up, almost inviting your breasts right back to the height of his mouth, which he greedily took while his fingers worked in and out of you.

As moments passed with you two intertwined, Ben pressed his hips against yours, his shorts failing to hide his hard length. You could feel his need pressing against you, an insistent reminder of just how much he craved you, how much he needed this. You couldn't help but feel yourself grind involuntarily against his fingers, your hips bucking for more as your arousal pooled hidden beneath the pleats of your skirt. You could feel yourself about to come undone on his fingers, before Ben removed his fingers, sucking on them as he held your gaze. He then brought his hand down to free himself, his member immediately standing erect against her inner thigh, already leaking precum. You can hear that he's breathing hard against you and that the sounds he makes are primal and animalistic. You can smell the musk on him, it turns you on so much.

He tapped his tip on your clit, then dragged it all the way up and back down along your soaking entrance in painfully slow strokes. His fingers dug into your flesh as he guided you down onto him, a groan escaping both your lips as he filled you, slow but rough, the sensation a shockwave that rippled through your entire being. Your head hit the lockers in pleasure, feeling your legs wobble like jelly around his waist as he held you tight against him.

“Please,” you beg him. You need this just as bad as he does; you'd be lying if you said you didn't love him like this.

He doesn't even say anything, instead, he pulls your leg higher and grunts as his cock gets even deeper. You whimper as his cock pushes against your cervix in breathtaking strokes. Ben takes a second to adjust before he pulls out and slams back into you.

You can't help but let out a low dirty moan, this time louder, it's so hard, but oh so good. His hips begin to slam into yours, each thrust sending waves of sensation through your body, his girth stretching your walls as he sheaths his cock deeper and deeper, inch by inch. You can’t help but whine, your voice blending with his grunts of exertion, shameless and raw in your hasty passion. Ben's hand holds your skirt up to your hips so he can watch himself pound into you, his other hand roaming over your body, lightly gripping your throat, squeezing your boobs, digging into your waist, gripping your ass; anything he can hold onto. He was relentless, each thrust a statement made in the heat of the moment, each movement a testament to the primal dance that only the two of you knew. Your hands roamed over the broad of his chest, his shirt clinging to his slick torso detailing each groove and muscle that lay underneath. Your nails deliciously traced over his skin, making him let out a breathy moan, only fueling his primal desire more.

"You're takin' me so well, doll. Just like that, so good" he nibbled at your earlobe, his voice like gravel sending trembles through you.

The world outside faded away, replaced by the rhythm you created together, the sound of skin against skin, the gasps and moans that filled the small space. The lockers rattled with the force of your movements, the sound echoing around you, mingling with the symphony of your shared pleasure, creating a sexual symphony around you. He drove into you with a fervour that bordered on madness, his breath hot against your ear with each grunt and groan that escaped his lips. Your nails drilled into his shoulders, desperate to keep you in place as you threw caution to the wind as he forced out moans and squeals from you, praising him, begging him for more, his name rolling off your tongue like a mantra, each one slightly louder than the last which just egged Ben on faster, harder, further. Your eyes rolled back, your mouth agape, a fucked-out expression painting over your features with each strong thrust, relentlessly hitting all the right spots to no end, with no thoughts or words in your mind other than how fucking good Ben was giving it to you.

"Love seein' your pretty eyes roll...fuck, babe" he hisses as he throws his head back, curls plastered over his forehead.

You could feel yourself near, your walls clamping down, your whines reaching a fever pitch only for Ben to remove himself. You whimpered at the lack of contact, feeling the new emptiness in you, but it didn't last long. Ben swiftly placed you on the ground, throwing a leg over his shoulder as he realigned himself. You couldn't even form a sentence to the quick change of positions, not that you had anything to protest.

Ben plunged in with a whole new deeper depth, making your back arch immediately. You didn't have to worry about slipping off his waist here as you wrapped your legs around him, holding him with each deep entry while he tugged your hair, his eyes focused on your pretty, messy mound. Ben starts thrusting faster now, he's grunting against you and it feels so amazing. His sweaty skin is against you, rubbing against you as his cock goes deeper.

You feel our orgasm build up more and more, his cock is hitting your sweet spot over and over again. “Oh my god, Ben,” you whisper, almost tender; you're not sure how much you can take.

"Touch yourself for me" he mutters, almost too quietly for it to be a command. You can feel him getting closer, his eyes never leaving your dripping cunt, his movements becoming more urgent, more demanding. The sound of flesh meeting flesh fills the room, mixing with your moans and his grunts. He’s relentless, pushing you beyond your limits, taking you in ways that leave you gasping for breath.

Your hand shakingly circles your clit, moving in slow rolls, driving you into another level of bliss. You can't hold back between the reckless strokes and the feeling of your clit rolling beneath your fingers as the waves roll through you peaking, making you tremble as you surrender, letting the world outside fade away until there was nothing but the heat of his skin against yours, the sound of your mingled breaths echoing in the empty room. You cry out as you clench around him, your legs holding him tight to you, your fingers working fast on your clit while your free hand tears into Ben's shoulder.

Ben follows right as you ride out your high, his thrusts become even harder, his rhythm erratic as he nears his release. He’s completely lost in the moment, his mind consumed by the primal need consuming him entirely. He doesn’t slow down, doesn’t give you any respite. He’s in complete control, his body driven by a need that surpasses his frustration. And then, with one final thrust, he lets out a guttural roar, his body tensing as he spills inside you as you arch against his body. The force of his release sends shockwaves through your body, and you cling to him, unable to stop the cries that escape your lips.

Time lost all meaning, measured only in the rise and fall of your bodies, the crescendo building until it consumed you both, leaving you suspended in a moment of pure ecstasy. He collapses against you, still inside you, his breaths coming in short, ragged gasps. For a moment, there’s silence, just the sound of their combined panting echoing in the empty locker room. You were both left breathless and trembling, it was in each other's arms that you found the calm after the storm.

Ben doesn't say anything but drops his head onto your shoulder, planting soft kisses as he pulls out of you. Your legs fall back down and he pulls his cock out of your pussy, sticky strings of your mixed arousal as he moves away from your entrance. You lay there completely warn out, trying to catch your breath, as you continued to process what happened while he planted soft tender kisses on your neck and jaw, a change from how he was just seconds prior.

Ben looks at you and smiles back. “Thank you, baby,” he says and kisses your lips gently. “Sorry that was a little rough,” he adds.

You bite back a laugh, still coming to your senses as you raise an eyebrow.

"A little?"

[flickering-nightfall]

Watcher Thoughts

Spoilers for everything!

This is a shortened version of a much longer essay where I jotted down all my thoughts about the campaign. This is still pretty long, but hopefully it’s digestible enough.

Gameplay

Loved the initial twist. Was disappointed that we'd have another repeat with the siblings for a second. I love them but after eight campaigns, I was ready for something new. I'm not put off about not having another iterator (yet? I’m not counting Prince) either. It would have been neat, but exploring different stuff instead is good.

Got stuck a couple times, as I didn't understand what I was supposed to do to progress. I had fun exploring the regions, but exploring the majority of the first three with no idea of what to do next was frustrating. It wasn't even about story progression either - I just wanted to see more regions! But region and creature discovery felt very rewarding at least.

Portal placements were pretty wack and regions felt disconnected - you've probably heard it all already at this point. Some improvements like portal markers on the map will help (I'm certain that they'll either add it officially, or someone will make a mod). I avoided playing any region mods before this to keep things fresh, so I have zero context for any of these places. They're certainly very pretty at least.

Story

Droplets forming ripples in the water…? Yes there's a stray pixel in one frame. I made this from a spritesheet, it's not my fault, I swear

Although I would have preferred something different, I respect that the devs wanted to explore new and frankly wild routes. If it were me, I probably would have done a rare working transit system or something. Keep things grounded, group the new regions by theming so that you can at least connect them to each other. (Like Badlands + Rusted Wrecks + Torrid Desert.) I would have liked exploring ideas like scavenger societies or new biome lore instead of... rift walking through time and space madness. But I can't deny it was fun!

I really enjoyed Spinning Top (the echo), I think they’re very funny. I’m not bothered by them being able to move around - Two Sprouts, Twelve Brackets kinda imply they can too, at least enough to watch the tunnels of Subterranean. Maybe it depends on the echo too.

The decision to make a proper, repeated character out of an echo was interesting. Though I’m on the fence about the demystification of echoes and ascension. I do like Spinny’s arc and their story, and it gave me strong feelings to see them finally choose to move forward. I liked what they had to say, in terms of more lore for the ancients, their own character, and also in their final scene. 

Being tethered to the world by the sorrow of realizing you weren't loved in the way you should have been loved. Craving a warmth you can see but never feel again. The concept of peace after long-lived suffering. Able to move on because you had someone at your side, someone who cared enough to keep coming back to you, even if it was just a silent, peeping little creature. It resonated with me.

The purpose of the ending confused me at first. I thought Watcher playing with the toys was an example of their personality, maybe - distant, relatively unaffected by the events that just unfolded. And maybe that’s still true, but the emphasis on the spinning top in the campaign select screen… I’m not sure what yet, but playing with the echo’s namesake, their former beloved toys… there was something there.

I feel weird about Watcher being able to influence the world physically. I thought the point of echoes was that they were ghosts unable to interact with the physical plane. Only able to provide a bit of enlightenment for slugcat with their presence - stuck between one world and the next. Unless it’s all a dream (a trope I dislike and partially assign to Saint anyways), or Watcher is not quite an echo, in which case… hm.

Personally I'm tired of the rot, and I preferred it as a relatable and contained disease, rather than a sentient force that can corrupt worlds across time (and dimensions/timelines?). What they did with it was interesting, at least. You can explain it being Like That™ as a different strain of rot from Pebbles’, or it being because Watcher is a separate continuity. But it’s not about the explanation for me - it’s about the themes.

I enjoyed Prince as a character - I like the way they look, move and speak. But I didn’t get as attached as I could have due to my lukewarm feelings about rot stuff and Watcher’s rift powers in this DLC. Though, due to this campaign, I don’t know if I’ll keep headcanoning voidspawn as a lesser consequence (than echoes) of not being ready for ascension. The "stinging idiots" seem very intent on getting Watcher/echoes to finish crossing over into the next realm.

It seems like they want to portray the void as a force, to which the rot is the antithesis of. Prince spoke of wanting all life to go on forever, never lost - and then a force opposing its own. And it seems like that force may have won. I suppose all things must return to the cycle, or come to an end, eventually…

You can hear a single whispering iterator voice as you walk up to Prince’s puppet for the last time. That voice disappears after the karma flowers take over. Patches of them now bloom across all the regions. But the rot continues to spread! So hm I dunno what’s up with that.

Since they're adding more content later, I feel like they'll probably be character-centric threads too. Spinning Top and the Prince are probably two chapters in a broader anthology. I wonder where they’ll go from here. (Maybe a way I can unrot my save file? Haha.)

Regions

The art direction is great in my opinion. Some regions that stuck out to me:

Badlands (minus the locusts, they should really not see you while you’re invisible). The vibes are immaculate.

Torrid Desert. I usually find desert maps boring, but the sand dunes were a refreshing break from geometric tiling. In general, I really like breaks from the tile-based geometry. The first time I saw a scavenger templar/disciple (don’t remember which one) was a neat moment. I find the implications of those guys existing quite interesting.

Shrouded/Stormy Coast. Something about the warehouse crates and hanging platforms really tickled my fancy. I think the scale of it all, as well as the color provided from the crates, contributed to it feeling so good to me.

Desolate Tract: Conversely to the wavy desert dunes, this place being so flat, not boring due to the uniqueness of that, and backdropped by the wind tunnel really made me curious about this place. I hope they fix the bug that makes your FPS tank here though.

Outer Rim: Rife with secrets, both left and right. The desert portion reminded me of Kingdom Hearts' Keyblade Graveyard. Against all odds the scavengers continue to survive, and like in Torrid Desert they have strange, powered garb. Void-infused clothing? It’s interesting.

Ancient Urban: Even if I'll argue about ancient scaling forever, the actual presentation of this place was amazing. I was eating it all up and now I really want to get around designing my ancient OCs. You think it was named this as a nod to the popularized fandom term? Haha. 

Unfortunate Development: The dead coral corpse of Pebbles 2 electric boogaloo. The void worm is weird and all (is it rot-corrupted or just a faceless facsimile the rot created?), but I enjoyed the environment more. The background was a tesseract-like frame that stretched on seemingly forever. That was what really spooked me.

Brightness and contrast adjusted for viewing ease. Where is your head?

What are Starcatchers? They look iterator-like. Maybe it’s an alternate dimension thing, just as Signal Spires has the pyramid concept art iterators in the background? They could be structures that aren’t iterators, a different build type of them, or an alternate timeline, I guess. Starcatchers probably perform a function related to their name, regardless.

I remember before this DLC, some people interpreted iterator bricks as cylinders instead.

In the files Outer Rim also has a curving sky and a placeholder background where the earth is crumbling at the edge. And it’s literally called Outer Rim. Could also be a floating landmass, or sinking into the void sea, if you wanted to try out some other explanation. But I think that flat planet Rain World theory has some more evidence with this one. (I don’t think I can use flat planet RW for my space-involved AU but it is still interesting)

At the edge of the world...?

Someone (I think it was a reddit comment, I've been brain blasted with so much Watcher stuff that it's all starting to mix together) pointed out that spreading rot in the past doesn’t influence their future versions, so alternate dimensions aren’t out of the question. (Unless all regions are separate places - I wasn’t sure if places like Stormy Coast vs. Shrouded Coast were supposed to be the same or not. Or if the karma flowers kill the rot in the past, only for it to crop up again in the future and die again, but that seems overly convoluted.)

Time and space riftwalking shenanigans were already a lot - timelines/alt dimensions feel like quite a step further. In this case you are not following just the one “thread,” as Spinny puts it.

Final Thoughts

Initially I had a poorer reaction to Watcher's story, but some of it was defensiveness over the tone and headcanons I had come to like about RW and DP. After a few days of it settling in, I find myself warming up to Watcher more. I may have liked something different more, but I can enjoy and appreciate Watcher for what it is. 

If people can differentiate the canons of the DLCs (...it might be a little easier than vanilla vs. DP, because Watcher is so fantastical), I think I can have a fun time with both. 

Speaking of headcanons, giant ancients are pretty inconsistent with a lot of the environmental clues about ancient size, even the new regions within the DLC itself. I’ll post some stuff about it with screenshots and drawings later. 

Here's a couple of them...

I think literal hand puppet iterators are a good reminder that an iterator is more than its puppet. I can really imagine them as a giant machine waving a cute toy on a stick, a form more palatable for their audience. (Although that does make Moon being stuck in the PoV of one feel a little weirder too.) It emphasizes the way ancients likely thought of them as well. The concept is just neat.

However, I don't know if I would have fixated on iterators so hard without seeing puppets as more of a proper body. The superstructure is fantastic - but the puppet avatar makes it easier to identify with them as people and characters. The puppet being completely toylike rather than closer to a body-like vessel makes that a little more difficult. 

For a lot of stuff I’ve already written, especially interactions between ancient and iterator OCs, the size discrepancy is too much. So I just won’t adhere to giant ancients or tiny everything else hahaha

In general I mostly see myself using the snippets of ancient lore, region stuff, new creatures. If possible, I'd like to see what secrets can be uncovered about the new regions. 

I’m not interested in using stuff like the sentient rot when it comes to the continuities I more deeply engage with. My opinions may continue to evolve over time, we’ll see. But these are my thoughts after a few days of processing.

[sunny-knight]

FORGETTABLE AU PAGES - LIVE REACTION

@forgettable-au Go. Read. It. 🫵

….oh my god.

ok y’know what, i’m not even gonna do my usual summarizing thoughts before going through the pages beat for beat- we’re diving STRAIGHT in.

strictly formatting these is overrated anyway

THE FIRST PAGE!!!

First of all awwwwww I hope we get to see Riverperson again… Flowey resting his head on top of Papyrus’ in the raft melts my heart as well.

For the first bit of dialogue here with Floweys internal monologue- OUGH I LOVE IT! I will NEVER get sick of getting into his head, he’s like us! a theorist! his thought process here is so me.… “ive never thought of the possibility that Papyrus might have been involved as well…” Welllllllll… You’re half right.

Im also looking forward to seeing the part of Wingdings’ story that explains Papyrus’ conveyor belt related trauma- cause cmon man whats wrong with conveyer belts 😭

Papyrus basically having a conversation with himself while Flowey just goes and does his own thing is SO REAL ALSO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

ALSO LMAO THE BACKPACK IS ACTUALLY THERE- THAT WAS A THING I POINTED OUT AS A JOKE IN THIS POST- funny to know that was just a mistake, BUT IM ONTO YOUR LITTLE TRICKS!!! I KNOW ITS LORE RELATED SOMEWHERE!!!!

PAGE 2

PAPYRUS’ REACTION HERE HAS ME SCREAMING IN AGONY, I DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD GET WORSE- BUT spoilers. it gets so much worse. I mean I- kind of- spoiled it with the drawing at the very beginning….BUT- YOU SHOULD HAVE READ THE COMICS BEFORE READING THIS!!!

GOOGLY EYES PAPYRUS SPOTTED!!!! OHHH I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER and speaking of facial expressions I hate (love) Floweys smug ass in these panels 😭

THE 2ND TO LAST PANEL- OH THIS SHOT BEHIND AND BELOW PAPYRUS IS JUST GORGEOUS HIS SKULL AND JAW AND NECK- ITS ALL SO WELL DRAWN

PAGE 3

Talking about the actual dialogue for a second- trying not to get too carried away only focusing on the visuals.

Im very concerned we’re going to have a moment with the power going out, Papyrus and Flowey being stuck without the elevator just like Alphys and Wingdings were. Some chicanery is gonna happen comparing and contrasting how they handle that compared to the 2 scientists. Ofc thats a lot of speculation- But I cant help but feel like the talk about “the energy hopfully lasting long enough” is leading up to something….not fun.

Maybe what they do down here is a weird time mumbo jumbo that is important to make what happens in the past- happen. Maybe thats why Gaster is watching them…

“You should talk to my brother more!!!” …..I want to disagree- but also I want them to be friends and think they COULD get along

PAGE 4

“That would be weird!!” reference to when you call Papyrus in Alphys’ room….i see what you did there….

Also Floweys logic here about having hisss permission just made me giggle so much LMAO I absolutely love the repeated “Papyrus is hesitant” followed up by “Flowey presenting a sorta??? convincing argument” and Papyrus just being like “…ALRIGHT!”. Very fun and in character for him

PAGE. 5.

When I tell you- this K I L L E D. M E. GOD THIS IS SO WELL DRAWN???!?!?!?! I CAN FEEL THE SINKING DREAD- OOOUUUUGGHHHH THE DETAIL IN HIS EYE SOCKETS!!!!!!!!

This incredibly depicts feeling of sound filling your head- just AAAA IT HITS SO HARD AND IT HURTS SO GOOD.

PAGE 6

“Are you- uh..feeling anything?” Subtle Flowey. Very subtle. Though I love Papyrus’ complete misread of what he’s asking HEHDHE. Yknow, Its a belief among ghost hunters that “cold spots” mean theres a ghost lurking around. HM.

Also wtf are you talking about- Papyrus?? you “sometimes” have nerve endings 😭?? That line is incredibly in character answer for him, but also what?? maybe im missing something obvious. Ough the detail on the hand bone…

PAGE 7

WINGDINGS!!!!!!!! MY GOAT!!!! AND ALSO SANS!!!!! MY SLIGHTLY LESSER GOAT WHOM I STILL LOVE!!!!!!!!!!

God I wonder where this conversation is going to go- wheres Wingdings going with this? is he gonna tell him about the tape?? why did he LIE ABOUT THE CREVICE IN THE FIRST PLACE???? IM STILL HUNG UP ON THAT!

Its clear Wingdings plans on researching timelines because of the tape things, ofc, im just surprised he’s informing Sans about it since he’s proven to want to keep at least some of it a secret. At the very least he seems to really enjoy- controlling information.

Im calling it now, Wingdings is a pathological liar. (bold ass claim especially because he only lied once so far BUT IM CALLING IT!!!)

Also the talking and writing in wingdings here is gonna make me immediately rule out Alphys being involved in this conversation.

IN CONCLUSION!

I am. LOSING. MY MIND. OUUUGHH THE ART JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER, THE PLOT AND THE TENSION!!! IT JUST GETS THICKER AND THICKER. I can promise you, the pages are ALWAYS worth the wait…as a wise man once said…

(the real quote, if you dont know is by Shigeru Miyamoto and replate ‘comic’ with ‘game’)

[desceros]

sometimes i think about the future symphony "i should have married you" post you made and it makes me so sad but the other night as i was falling asleep i was struck with absolute agony by the awful idea of "i should have married you" because marrying her would have made her hamato and maybe just maybe then she would have been able to become a hamato spirit. and the brothers most likely would have been able to make contact with the hamato sprits like they do in the series. and because if he married her at least he would have been able to contact her spirit. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh anyways thought i should share hope your day is going fabulously captain desceros

oh, this is awful. allow me to make it even worse :)

we’ve seen in the series that you dont actually have to have the hamato name to be ‘a hamato’ as april demonstrates. we’ve also seen varying levels of. hm. ninj-oscity? ninpo skills? from the boys. like raph and leo doing a ninja mind meld. just. just mikey.

and we’ve always seen that donnie struggles with ninpo the most.

his ninpo is mechanical. when he uses it at its most conscious level, we see it manifest as blueprints coming together. literal pieces, as if constructed with real material. when he panics or doesn’t go through this process, it’s a vague shape that isn’t as strong or as defined in purpose.

so let’s take this scenario you’ve brought to us.

viola-chan would have, unquestionably, been a hamato. and for that reason, i can definitely see her having a hamato spirit.

…..but i dont think donnie would ever be able to communicate with it.

mikey would be the most likely, since he has the strongest ninpo. but he’d be in high demand since he’s so strong, so i think it would tire him and i dont know how much time and energy he’d have to talk to anyone. not to mention the stress he’d feel when donnie would come to him like Hey Can I Talk To My Dead Girlfriend and mikey’s like…. dude i just got home from 24 hours of straight ass kicking i’m about to pass tf out.

and raph, i imagine, died not too long after viola-chan, so whether he could or not is moot.

leo. well. i dont think leo could communicate with viola-chan either. leo is rather avoidant when he feels guilty or ashamed, and (without going into too much of spoiler territory) he’d feel largely unworthy to talk to you, i think. and since we’ve seen that it takes an open heart to use the technique, it wouldn’t work.

and donnie. god. donnie would try. he would try so, so hard. he would try, hours upon hours, every free moment, banging his fists on his thighs as he’d meditate until he’d collapse. reaching out. seeking. already not as strong at this whole ninpo nonsense. unable to calm himself from the need to see you need to see you please just let me see you one last time please please please that would make it impossible to focus. he’d start thinking about tech that could bridge the gap. that’s how his ninpo works, after all. modeling his blueprint. so if he can design a machine that can talk to you. his ninpo can bring it to life.

but he doesnt exactly have a lot of time to dedicate to a personal project like that, let alone one so fucking insane in scale, so actually impossible to do. and as the time passes he grows more and more obsessed with thinking about it. yet simultaneously more and more sure it’ll never happen. i feel like his last moments, alone, bleeding, staring up at the rust-colored sky, he’d be smiling. because of course he he has some kind of death drone army set to go the moment his ninpo cuts off, and it’s one last middle finger to krang. …but also i think he’d be a little relieved. hoping his spirit will find yours and lavi’s.

(do they? who knows. no more hamato exist in that timeline to find out.)

[isatswap]

(In Stars and Time spoilers)

At the End of Time

TTOS version of act 5 ending from ISAT

Isabeau: Everyone! Isabeau: The Head Housemaiden is just ahead! Isabeau: He will be able to heal you, Loop, I'm sure! So just-- Just come!

Mirabelle: ...Ready?

(you try to step forward)

<thud>

Mirabelle: Woah, Loop!

(mirabelle caught you)

Mirabelle: ...It's gonna be ok, Loopie. Mirabelle: I got you.

(always by your side)

(...)

Isabeau: The House feels off even now. I hoped defeating The Scary Lady would fix things, but.....

Odile: I feel pressure from this place. I don't like it.

Bonnie: And the smell of sugar.... Bonnie: It feels like it almost gives me cavities. Definitely gives me a headache.

Mirabelle: It all feels.... a little worrying.

Isabeau: Yeah.... I hope everyone is okay....

Mirabelle: ....WAIT! Look, here!

Bonnie: ....

Isabeau: ...What....

Odile: That's.... An eclipse...?

(what)

(how does she,)

Odile: I've read something about that in my book, but.... It hasn't mentioned this... weird shade. What is that, even?

Mirabelle: It's not light, or dark, or anything like that. It's just odd. Mirabelle: ...The Head Housemaiden might know something about this.

Bonnie: We should get moving, then.

<two shades appear in the distance>

(!!!!!)

<...then dissipate>

Isabeau: ?

Mirabelle: Loopie?

Bonnie: Loop? What is it?

Mirabelle: I think they are even warmer than before.

Bonnie: ...hm.

(their hand on your brow)

(feels cold)

(feels nice)

Bonnie: Yep. Definitely a fever. Bonnie: ...Let's get going.

<you black out>

Loop: (!!!!!!!!) "EVERYONE....?!"

Loop: "NO NO NO NO NO--"

Isabeau: Loop?

<wake up>

Isabeau: Loop, is everything alright...?

Mirabelle: You're shaking....

Odile: ...Do you also get vertigo?

Bonnie: Sorry, Loop. I know you're exhausted, but just a little bit more.

Odile: ... Odile: Hold my hand, Loop?

Loop:

(yea)

(no no no no no no it's fine)

Odile: ...It's definitely not fine, Loop. Odile: And you definitely do, I can tell.

(busted)

(you hold her hand)

Odile: Alright, let's go!

Isabeau: J-just a little longer, Loop! Isabeau: The Head Housemaiden is just up ahead...!

Loop: "isa"

Isabeau: !!!! Isabeau: Um, yes, what is it?

Loop: "i'm sorry...... for what i said....." Loop: "and not... talking.... to anyone..."

Mirabelle: ...

Bonnie: ...

Odile: ...

Isabeau: ... Isabeau: T-There will be time for this later, Loop! Don't waste your energy on talking... Isabeau: Let's just go.

(...)

<The Head Housemaiden is at the balcony instead of the center of the room.>

Isabeau: HEAD HOUSEMAIDEN!!!!

King: ... King: Oh, Isabeau!

<He comes closer to Isabeau.>

King: Is everything okay?

Isabeau: No, our friend-- Loop--

Bonnie: They seem to be ill for some reason and we thought you could help us.

Mirabelle: Also the world seems to be ending and there is this weird shade in the sky so we would like help with that too.

Odile: Please help us!

King: Oh, alright, I'll do what I can.

King: Hm... King: Well, that is a fever alright. King: Judging by the symptoms.... They might've been using Crafts too much.

Bonnie: Using Crafts too much...?

King: Yeah. Maybe they've been using Crafts without resting or eating anything, not taking breaks to cool down and all that.

(no time to cool down)

(had to go)

Isabeau: Does that really give you a fever...? I've never heard of it...

Mirabelle: I have! It happens very rarely, though. Mirabelle: You would need to use Crafts an IMMENSE amount and for very long continuous stretches of time.

Odile: Like Crafting a painting for weeks, for example?

Bonnie: ...Or...

Isabeau: Or going through an entire House while fighting Sadnesses and a scary lady for hours?

King: Yeah, I think it's that.

(or)

(making sure)

(you live)

King: They will be fine, now that the battle is over, don't worry. King: I super promise.

Odile: Well, if it's a super promise, I believe you, hehe.

King: Heh. King: They just need some rest, that's all.

(head hurts)

(so hungry)

Bonnie: That's good, at least. Bonnie: And what about whatever the crab is happening outside?

King: Oh! Right, that... King: ...I don't actually know. I've tried to grasp it, but all I can tell is that something is VERY wrong. King: A total solar eclipse is not something you see every day, and definitely not something that should've happened today. Especially like this. King: It's like the Universe itself is telling us that this world is breaking.

Isabeau: ...?

Mirabelle: The Universe? What is that?

King: Yes, The... Universe.... King: !!!!!

King: I know you thought you adventure was over, but it can't end!!King: Something is broken, something is failing, rotting--

<STATIC>

King: Wait... No, this is all wrong! What--

Odile: Huh?

Mirabelle: King? Everything okay?

King: Bright one! King: Bright one! King: Bright one! King: Are you done--

(king gasps for air)

Mirabelle: What is happening to you?

Bonnie: We should be careful!

Isabeau: He is repeating stuff! Just like the rooms we went through! Isabeau: What happened to the world... Is it happening to him, too?

(the same)

(why why why why why why)

(but he can resist it, right? that means something has changed)

(you're not stuck)

(you're fine)

(you're--)

King: And yyyyou, Isabeau's companions... Thank you for helping him get this far. King: You have my gratitude, and the entire country of Vaugarde's!...

Mirabelle: Head Housemaiden, can you hear us?

Odile: He's scary.

King: I can't finish this line I can't finish this line, or, or--

<STATIC>

King: Hohoho! King: ....Soon, you will be able to go to your regular lives. Away from battle and strife. King: Finally, you'll all be able to go home!

Bonnie: Mhm.

Mirabelle: Definitely.....

(home)

(home?)

(they'll go home?)

(they'll go home

they'll go home

they'll go home they'll go home they'll go home they'll go home they'll go home they'll go home they'll go home they'll go home they'll go home they'll go home they'llgohomethey'llgohomethey'llgohomethey'llgohomethey'llgohomethey'llgohomethey'llgoho

Loop: "NO!!!!!!!!!"

Odile: Loop?

Bonnie: Loop, why are you--

(THEY CANNOT GO HOME!!!)

Mirabelle: LOOPIE?!?

Isabeau: LOOP!!!

Odile: WHAT THE CRAB IS HAPPENING?!?

Bonnie: EVERYONE, STAND BACK!

LOOP: (I WON'T LET YOU GO HOME)

<BATTLE START!>

Isabeau: Huh????

Bonnie: What's happening?! Loop!!!

King: What... King: AH--! NO! King: Oh no, why is this happening-- King: Bright one! Loop! King: We can still fix this--

Loop: "NO WE CAN'T!" Loop: "YOU HAVE FELT THE UNIVERSE'S POWER, DIDN'T YOU?" Loop: "IT'S USELESS TO FIGHT IT ANYMORE..." Loop: "IT'S TOO LATE!!!"

King: PLEASE, LISTEN--

(YOU SNAP YOUR FINGERS)

(THE HEAD HOUSEMAIDEN GETS FLUNG AWAY)

Mirabelle, Isabeau: KING!!!

Bonnie: He is okay, he is okay!! But-- but we need to--

(FIGHT)

(Odile strikes!)

(AHHH!!)

(IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS)

Mirabelle: Dile, what are you doing?!

(Odile looks at her hands in disbelief.)

Odile: I-I didn't want to I-- I just--

Isabeau: It's okay, just be more careful! They are out friend!

Bonnie: We wouldn't want out friend to be hurt, right?

Odile: R-right!!!

(hurts hurts hurts)

(her attack was so strong)

(you did this to her)

(you did this to her)

(YOU DID THIS TO HER!!!)

<Attack the only person who's left>

<Mirabelle raises her hands and heals your wounds>

Isabeau: Loop, stop!!!

Odile: Why are you doing this?!

Mirabelle: What is happening, Loopie? Speak to us!!!

Bonnie: Loop!!!

Loop: "JUST DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!!!" Loop: "I WON'T LET YOU GO HOME, I CAN'T, I WON'T!"

Mirabelle: Huh?!

Isabeau: Loop, what do you mean? Isabeau: Isn't that what we all wanted?

Mirabelle: It's what we all wanted, right? Mirabelle: We beat Eu-- The Scary Lady! We save Vaugarde! We part ways!

Odile: Yeah! Now that the Lady is gone, we can go back to our normal lives, right?! Odile: Isabeau stays here, Boniface goes back to Bambouche, and... Me and Mirabelle....

(...EVEN MIRA AND ODILE HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO!!!)

(THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!)

(YOU CANNOT ALLOW THEM TO GO!!)

(BECAUSE.... BECAUSE IF THEY DO, THEN...!)

<attack the only person who's left>

<Mirabelle raises her hands and heals the wounds>

Bonnie: Loop.... Bonnie: I don't understand! Don't you want to go back? Back to where you're from? Bonnie: Why else come with Isabeau, if you didn't want to beat the Scary Lady just so you could go back home?!

Loop: "I CAN'T GO BACK! AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO!"

Mirabelle: Can't go back…?

Loop: "I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO BACK TO, AND YOU ALL DO! I WON'T LET YOU!" Loop: "I WON'T LET YOU GO!!!" Loop: "WE CAN STAY HERE, CAN'T WE? WE CAN BE HAPPY!" Loop: "THE SCARY LADY IS BEATEN! THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE WISHED FOR!" Loop: "AND IT'S THE END! SHE IS GONE, AND YOU'RE WITH ME!" Loop: "SHE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! I SHOULD'VE LISTENED!!!" Loop: "AFTER ALL THIS TIME, I HAVE IT! A PERFECT ENDING! BECAUSE WE'VE WON, AND YOU'RE HERE!" Loop: "I WON'T LET YOU GO HOME, NOT NOW! I'VE GONE THROUGH IT ALL TOO MANY TIMES!" Loop: "I WON'T GO BACK, AND I WON'T LET YOU GO, NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE! NOW THAT WE CAN BE HAPPY!" Loop: "EVERYONE GOING THEIR SEPARATE WAYS… EVERYONE GOING HOME…" Loop: "THIS IS NOT WHAT I WISHED FOR!!!!!!"

Odile: What…?

Isabeau: "A perfect ending"…?

Mirabelle: "Not what I wished for"…

Bonnie: "Gone…. Through it all…. Too many times." Bonnie: That strange fella was correct, then.

<ATTACK THE ONLY ▮▮▮▮▮▮ WHO'S LEFT>

<BUT IT DOES NOT DIE>

Bonnie: Loop… Bonnie: The way you acted yesterday… The things you said… Bonnie: Maybe you DID mean some of them. Maybe you didn't. Maybe it's a little of both.

Mirabelle: But beyond that… Some of the things you knew… Mirabelle: How you knew what Isa's papers were about…

Bonnie: How you knew about the story of Mirabelle's pilgrimage…

Mirabelle: How you fell in battle, like you knew it would push Odile to defeat that Sadness…

Bonnie: How you knew I was looking for an old cooking book, something I hadn't told anyone, and immediately knew where to find it, as well…

Mirabelle: How you managed to go through the entire House on your own…

Bonnie: Even the way you were acting when we fought the Scary Lady… Bonnie: And, just now, how you've said you've "gone through it all, too many times"…

Isabeau: Huh?!? Isabeau: But this… this must mean…?

Bonnie: …Looks like that weird fella was right, hm?

Mirabelle: Hahaha… I thought they were speaking metaphorically, but… Mirabelle: Loop, you… Mirabelle: ... Mirabelle: You've been looping in time, haven't you?

(…!!!!!!)

(NO!!!!!!)

(IF THEY FIND OUT, THEY'LL HATE YOU!!!)

(IF THEY FIND OUT YOU WISHED FOR THIS, THEY'LL HATE YOU!!!)

(YOU HAVE TO LOOP BACK, YOU HAVE TO--)

(YOU FEEL A TUG ON YOUR STOMACH.)

<And the mainspring of time begins winding back>

<but then

it snaps>

Odile: NO!!!!!

Odile: YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! Odile: I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU GO ANYWHERE UNTIL WE ARE DONE TALKING!!!!!!

(no, no, she can't--)

(HOW DID SHE DO THIS?!?)

Odile: Wow, that was weird.

Isabeau: That feeling… That was Time Craft, wasn't it?! Isabeau: Loop tried to rewind time just now!!!

Bonnie: Odile, are you okay?!

Odile: ...Could be better. The smell is so overpowering.... Odile: Like someone just burned a sugar bag. So yucky...

Mirabelle: Yuck indeed… I'm getting a headache just standing here.

Odile: That doesn't matter now. Odile: Loop!!! Odile: I don't know how or why or what even is actually happening to you, but I won't let you escape. Odile: You are STAYING WITH US until WE ARE. DONE. TALKING!!!!!!

Bonnie: Yeah!!! Dile's gonna make you stay right here!!!

Isabeau: Go Odile, go Odile, go!!!

(no no no no no no)

(your friends look determined)

(do they not realize?)

(that you're doomed?)

(that you've doomed them all?)

(that you are a monster that isn't worth fighting for?)

(why is mirabelle stopping you from dying?)

(does she not get it?)

(she does not)

(the only thing you can do)

(is to die faster)

(cracks form across your chest)

Mirabelle: LOOP!

(she holds up her hands, but this time she doesn't drop them back down)

(the cracks slow their spread)

Mirabelle: Quick, we need to figure this out! Before they!-

Isabeau: T-that fella mentioned that Time Craft requires a lot of power, right? That's what the whole Wish Craft thing was about!

Bonnie: Yeah, you two were looking into what everyone else wished for and thought this was because everyone wished to save Vaugarde! Bonnie: But if you thought that was the reason...

Odile: ...Why would the wish center on you, dummy?

Mirabelle: And.... and just now, Loop said something about a wish they made...!

Bonnie: Loop… Bonnie: You must know this already. Bonnie: The reason you're the only one who got those powers, when we were also on a journey to fight the King… Bonnie: Isn't it because you, somehow, got involved? Bonnie: Isn't it because of something YOU wished for?

(no, no, no, no, no, no…)

Isabeau: Loop... Isabeau: I think you need to tell us your wish. Isabeau: Tell us your wish!!! It might be the key to freeing you!!! The key to making sure you won't loop anymore!!!

(no!!!)

Mirabelle: Tell us, so we can help you!

(NO!!!)

Bonnie: Tell us, so you can be saved!!!

(NO!!!!!!)

Odile: Tell us already, you stupid stone slab!!!!!!!!!!

(NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO!!!!!!)

(YOU DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT YOU DON'T WANT TO SAY IT YOU DON'T WANT TO--)

(YOU ARE ABOUT TO EXPLODE)

Mirabelle: Loopie…

Bonnie: Loop!

Isabeau: LOOP!!! Isabeau: This is what I wished for!!!

Isabeau: I wished for Vaugarde to be saved!!!

Bonnie: I wished for my sister to be okay!!!

Odile: I wished to win a stupid coin flip!!!

Mirabelle: And I wished that we'd be able to find you, to help you, to save you, Loopie!!!

Isabeau: And what about you, Loop?!

Mirabelle: What did you wish for?

Odile: What did you wish for!!!

Bonnie: What did you wish for, Loop!!!

(STOP!!!!!!)

(It doesn't matter!!!)

(It won't come true, you know this now, you will die in a few moments, you've accepted it, you did, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter!!!)

(they can't make you tell them, please, please, please--)

(IT WILL NEVER COME TRUE ANYWAY!!!)

Isabeau: Tell us!!!

Odile: Tell us!!!

Bonnie: TELL US!!!

Mirabelle: JUST TELL US, LOOPIE!!!

TELL US WHAT YOU WISHED FOR!!!!!!

[weirdsht]

Catalyst - JJK & Reader

notes: this is purely self-indulgent so its messy asf. I don't usually write for jjk because I feel like I can't grasp their characters in writing, but I had to write for jjk after the manga ending.

tags: no gender specified for reader, yuuji & reader, platonic relationship, implied satoru/reader, self-indulgent, manga spoilers (obvi)

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read pinned)

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Silence lingered in the air, it was the dead of the night after all. Everyone is getting a well-deserved rest after being constantly battered, bruised, and stressed. However, one presence stands out in the communal area of the Jujutsu High Dorms. Pink hair illuminated by the soft glow of the almost muted television can be seen as you enter the living room.

“Shouldn’t the Yuji Itadori be sleeping peacefully now that no Ryomen Sukuna is pestering him and saying nonsense in his ears?”

You jokingly asked the teen as you slid beside him, seeing what movie had his eyes glued on the television at this ungodly hour. Unsurprisingly, it’s one of the instalments of the Human Earthworm movies.

“Can’t sleep.”

The pink-haired teen simply states, his eyes still glued on the television. Despite that, it doesn’t look like he's paying attention to the movie. There are simultaneously no thoughts behind those eyes, yet millions of concerns wracking his brain.

Of course, you noticed all of this. What kind of adult would you be if you don’t see the kid’s suffering especially after he just went through so much?

Not a reliable one, that’s for sure.

“You haven’t slept well since Shibuya. It’s been a week since everything started settling down yet you seem stagnant. What’s been bothering our precious Yuji? Hm?”

The student went visibly rigid at your words. He knows he wasn’t hiding his turmoil well, but at the same time, he hadn’t expected you to confront him straight on like this.

“I’m sorry… I’ll be fine soon, I promise.”

His response made you shake your head. Not necessarily disappointed in the young man, but rather disappointed at how the circumstances and some people made him believe that he should not seek help from other people.

“That’s not what I meant. You know that’s not what I meant Yuji. Now tell me what’s been plaguing your mind.”

Your voice had its usual softness in it that was reserved for talking to Satoru’s students. At the same time, it held firmness, telling Yuji that he couldn’t skirt his way out of this one. Unlike what he had been doing for the past week.

Yuji has had the time to mull over his problems by himself. Now it’ll be the time for him to mull over them with you.

“I was just thinking of the what-ifs… Like what if I chose the immediate execution instead… Maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

To some extent, you get where the kid is coming from. Yuji had always felt like he was at fault for everything Sukuna had done during these past months because he was the one who ate that finger. Because it was his choice to continue being the vessel for the king of curses.

Yuji Itadori felt as if it was his burden to atone for Sukuna’s sins as he was the one who essentially revived him.

However, you beg to disagree.

But before you can say something, Yuji speaks up once more.

“I was so selfish… If I hadn’t been selfish then it the casualties wouldn’t be this severe… Nanamin would still be here… Choso too, as well as Gojo-sensei… Gojo-sensei… I’m so sorry [Name] because of me you lost Gojo-sensei… If only I hadn’t been so selfish…”

Ah, so that’s why he couldn’t look at you.

The poor guy is full-on sobbing now. His back is hunched over as he loudly sobbed in his knees. It’s so bad that his blabbering nonsense, or at least it’s nonsense for you. Why would he be sorry for something he couldn’t control? Why is having the desire to live considered a selfish choice now? 

Why can’t Yuuji Itadori look at you anymore? The same lively kid who used to join you whenever you pulled pranks on Satoru. The same kid you have grown to see as your own alongside Megumi, Tsumiki, and Nobara? Why is that very same kid being eaten alive by survivor’s guilt every night despite appearing to be okay daily?

“Hey, hey, that’s not it Yuji. It’s not your fault. It couldn’t possibly be your fault.”

You held onto the student’s trembling hands, making it known that he still has an adult figure in his life.

“But Gojo-sensei, you loved him so much and yet because of me—”

“It wasn’t you who did it okay? There’s also nothing wrong with wanting to live. That’s normal because you are human. As Nanami said, you're the kid and we’re the adults. We’re the ones responsible for you, not the other way around.”

Your hand gently stroke his as he slowly calms down from his breakdown. The movie in the background is now getting to the climax, but neither of you cares.

“You’re not mad at me [Name]?”

“How could I ever be?”

“There’s a lot of things to be mad at honestly…”

“And yet I can’t think of a single thing.”

Yuuji finally looks at you. His eyes are bewildered as if he can’t believe what his hearing. When his gaze finally met yours, you offered him a gentle smile. One that tells him that you won’t be leaving or getting mad at him anytime soon.

Perhaps that’s the kind of support he needed from a parental figure right now.

“Gojo-sensei said he wants everyone to surpass him. That people will one day grow up and leave him behind. But how could I? His Gojo-sensei, the sensei that was there for me. The one who shielded me from the higher-ups? How could I forget him after leading him to his doom?”

The mention of Satoru tugs a certain painful string in your heart, but you swallow it down. It isn’t about you, it’s about Yuji right now.

“Your sensei is just goofy like that. He thinks that his always being left behind despite some of us patiently waiting for him. But besides that, all he wanted was for there to be a future where the youth doesn’t have to worry. And that’s what we are working on right now aren’t we?”

Itadori nodded slowly as your words sank in on him.

“And maybe this was his happy ending too. You kids have a brighter future and he gets to rest in his own way. He's probably tired from dealing with those stuckups all these years.”

You said it jokingly, yet your lips contorted in a bittersweet smile that Yuji didn’t miss. 

Despite that, he said nothing in retaliation, for you don’t seem to be aware of what you look like right now.

Itadori knows you’re suffering too, despite taking on the role of being the strong one for all the students. He knows that you have not been sleeping well, same as him. The young man has seen you enter Satoru’s room every night. Has heard your quiet sobs whenever you do so. Your red, swollen eyes that you try to hide every morning has not gone past him.

And that’s why he feels so guilty. He felt that in his selfish pursuit, he had cost you your everything.

Yet it had also cost him nearly everything too.

So how can that be a selfish pursuit?

That’s the point you want Yuji Itadori to see and realize. The reason why you insist on moving forward despite only wanting to wallow in sadness.

If not for Yuji who is innocent in all of this, then for Satoru who wants to see the youth thrive even at the cost of his own life.

As the one who knows Yuji’s innocence and Satoru’s aspirations, you have made it your job to continue the six eyes user’s legacy.

“But [Name] have you really never thought of the what-ifs?”

Yuuji asks you once more after a few minutes of silence. This time his tone was lighter, none of those heavy, self-deprecating implications.

Okay maybe a little, but it’s better now.

“I have. But the what-ifs I’m thinking are a little different from yours. I think of things like, what if Satoru never got sealed?”

What if the whole Amanai thing went better? What if Suguru had listened to your pleas before leaving everything behind?

The student listened to you, his eyes closing ever so slightly. Probably tired from his crying session.

“I can see in your face that you’re curious as to why I never think of what if Satoru didn’t spare you. And that’s because there is no what-if. Satoru would have saved you no matter what, it’s his whole thing. Well aside from being the strongest that is.“

Your eyes also grew heavy. Both you and Yuji unknowingly fall asleep, for probably the first time in a while, as you talk.

In front of you, the movie’s credits had started rolling. However, by the time it happened both of you are already in sleep’s embrace.

[wildflower-otome]

[Translation] 9 R.I.P. - Toka - Godly End After Story

Source: Otomate Market Summer 2024 Short Story Card Note: Major spoilers for Toka's Godly End below.

Toka Short Story Card - Together as Mortals ~Being with her~

The first summer after I had made my decision to live together with her.

I spent my time treasuring each of the days I spent with her. In order to not waste even a second, I revolved my life around hers. Anything other than her wasn’t really that important.

Tonight, we were to go for an evening walk at her invitation.

…..Just ten more minutes until the time we’re supposed to meet.

It was strange how I enjoyed even the time I spent waiting for her.

‘Toka-san, sorry for making you wait. Looks like I’ve lost again.’

‘You’ve “lost”?’

‘You’re always the first one there wherever we meet up. I was just thinking that sometimes I’d like to be the one to get there earlier and wait for you for once.’

‘Heheh- I doubt that will ever happen, so you’d best give up on that.’

‘…..Just how many minutes early do you usually arrive?’

‘It’s a secret.’

Heheh- She seemed to be thinking it over. Still, she would never win against me. When all was said and done, I normally got here an hour before after all.

‘Come, let’s go. Your hand, please.’

As I spoke, I held my hand out to her, and she took it.

Before my hand had been small, but now it was large enough to envelop hers. The feeling of comfort it gave me wasn’t something I could express in words, however….it did make it feel more real to me that I was a grown man, someone suited to walk at her side as her lover.

I had been fond of my child form, but I couldn’t help but be glad I had been able to go back to this one.

‘Speaking of which, what will we be doing today?’

‘I was hoping we could go see the meteor shower together. I saw on TV that we’ll be able to see it starting at 9.’

‘Stars, is it?’

Back when I had been a god, I had never been interested in such things.

…..I liked that these experiences felt new to me. They made me feel more human.

‘Have you ever seen a meteor shower before?’

‘Yeah, I have some good memories of seeing them with friends and family in the past.'

Hmph. So she’d already seen them.

‘Is there anything that you’ve never done before?’

‘…..Hm~m. I wonder. Ah, I’ve never travelled overseas before.’

‘In that case, we should go together someday.’

‘I don’t mind, but why ask me about things I’ve never done before?’

‘I just thought that I wanted your “firsts.” The first time you see or experience something, no matter what it is, I want it to be with me.’

And when I said that, she gave a pained smile.

…..Had I gone too far? Maybe she’s thinking my feelings are too much pressure…..

‘I’m sorry. I've disgusted you, haven't I?’

'You could never do that. It’s just that…..I think it’s fine even if it isn’t the first time.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I…how do I put this…..I want to share the things that I’m glad to have experienced with you.  It’s because I was so moved when I saw meteor showers in the past that I wanted to show you the one tonight, Toka-san.’

 ‘…..I see.’

Now that I thought about it, humans tended to find joy through shared experiences with others.

I, on the other hand, had such a narrow view on things. But that perhaps couldn’t be helped. Because she had always been everything to me.

‘That’s why, I’d like you to tell me about the things you’ve experienced, Toka-san. I want to know about the things you've found moving or fun.'

‘Heheh- Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not sure I have anything to tell you.’

‘Why not?’

‘All my good memories are within you. There’s nothing more special to me than the days I spent watching over you.’

Misa’s face reddened, and she went silent.

…..I hope she thinks of that as something to be happy over.

While thinking such thoughts, I looked up at the sky.

The stars twinkled in the now slightly darkened sky as the moon glowed faintly.

….I was looking forward to seeing the meteor shower. We would be able to see the scenery that she had been so moved by, together…..

[timeskip]

Finished episode 5! Mystery stories are made with love, because the author wants you to solve the riddle. Witches and truth can only be seen with love. Hm! Umineko really is a love story.

[warning: long post.]

HOUGH THAT ENDING WAS SO GOOD. THE TRIAL WAS GREAT AND THEN BATTLER COMING BACK TO LIFE AND FIGHTING... I was wavering a bit near the middle of the episode wondering if it would stick the landing for me but it DID IT

I like Dlanor a lot in how she affects the story (and the concept of a guardfor Knox's decalogue is super compelling) but I was uhhhh uncertain of her at first. I think adding new characters that are so vital is a bit weird this late in the game... but GOD. GOD. THE FIGHT ITSELF. The way she and Battler both agreed to go at each other. It's so good. She justified her existence excellently.

AND. In addition. Erika never understood her. Battler did. Of course she ended up resigning against Battler after teaching him to respect the reasons why mysteries work.

I also find myself wondering if the spoiler I saw before of Battler being Kyrie's child was fake after all. Does a little anime girl "blehhhh"

BUT BECAUSE OF THIS. BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEE THE POSSIBILITY OF BATTLER BEING THE CHILD FROM 19 YEARS AGO COMING UNTIL IT WAS CLOSE TO APPEARING... IT HIT REALLY HARD. I LOVE IT

CRAZY. BUT REALLY GOOD.

Battler becoming the game master is fascinating because it's clear he understands Beatrice better than the player. I'd seen people say that Umineko wants you (the player) to solve it, and until the end of episode 5 I didn't see it, since it's a mystery like any other; you SHOULD be able to solve it, but I feel like the mystery of Beatrice is too veiled in obscure hints and unclear moments, especially since the game is about denying she exists. But I mean. lol. Asking us to solve it is right there:

As for what I think about the mystery... I'm not very good at solving these things. I love mysteries, but I'm not very good at "mystery thinking" the way some people are. As far as theories for how the mysteries of episodes 1-4 happened without magic, I'm not really one to go through it all again to try to piece it together when I don't feel like I have enough clues right now.

I'm also afraid I've seen too many vague spoilers to JUST be going off of what the game is about... I. uh. Might know who in the 18 characters is Beatrice, for example. I've avoided thinking about it on purpose, but hey. I'm not certain about it, but when they were comparing mysteries to love (with the obvious meaning of Battler and Beatrice's love) Battler mentioned his first love being with someone else. That first love being Shannon. And it's clear to me that if (keyword: IF) Beatrice is any of the 18, she WILL NOT BE ONE OF BATTLER'S RELATIVES!! So, a servant. If she's not Shannon or Kanon I will be surprised. There is another vague spoiler I've gotten that complicates this, but uhhh yeah. idk. If Battler can be the child from 19 years ago (maybe. This has not TECHNICALLY been confirmed) then Beatrice can be someone completely outside what I think is possible. We shall see.

I would find it weird if they broke up this seemingly beautiful and important love between Shannon/George that helped Shannon feel like a person, so honestly I'm leaning away from Beatrice Definitely Absolutely Being Shannon and more towards her having a weird connection to Shannon that people talk about in a way that confused me when I didn't know the characters very well. Is Battler's "first love" important to his relationship with Beatrice? ....Maybe. Is there more that I don't understand? Definitely.

(Also as a note: Genji = Ronove. Kumasawa = Virgilia. Gohda = ?. Shannon = Beatrice?. Kanon = ???. I don't expect this to be a one to one thing, but considering the first two are so firmly established, I'm keeping it in mind.)

Anyways. Battler committed a sin 6 years prior. Something related to Beatrice, or at least something related to who she used to be. Driving my thoughts away from WHO she is again, and back to the "why": Battler clearly remembered what it was. He lied to Beatrice about something. He understands Beatrice and knows why she constructed the game to have him solve it. We, reading the story, should be able to find the clues for what this sin is, but. well. We haven't been given much info about Battler 6 years ago. I feel like I need to wait for it to circle back around to Battler's backstory before I really make any theories.

Of course, Natsuhi and Erika are the stars of this episode. Natsuhi is a REALLY compelling character, but Erika is truly what made this episode click into place for me. Her hatred and gloating, the vile intentions, how pathetic she is when she loses... Her love for Bernkastel and the way she's being thrown away if she fails... She hates Battler, she has to defeat him, she won't hold back. I have high hopes for episode 6...!!!

Yeah!!! I liked episode 5 a lot!!! Whatever Battler's game looks like, I wonder if it'll help bring Beatrice back from the nonexistence she was pushed into, since they didn't really address that? ^-^

[bunchofdoodlesinspace]

Okayyy I've been sitting on my thoughts for so long bc I wanted to at least catch up in the anime before exploding fully so I could get like. a more well-rounded idea of the character. anyway. here's a list of Hawks thoughts bc he is currently taking up like 90% of my brain space atm. Major spoilers for the entire anime below:

The line between what is genuine and what is a front is very thin and very muddied and honestly I'm not sure if even he knows where it is. Where "Hawks" ends and "Keigo" begins.

And it's difficult because yeah. "Hawks" was a persona molded for him by the HPSC. It was something he became and embodied but not naturally and not fully of his own volition (though I don't know if he realizes that. he agreed to what he was told as a child, but, he was a child. and he wasn't told about everything, I'm sure), but he's Been Hawks for So Long at this point, even though he's still young by hero standards. So a lot of it probably doesn't feel like just a front or a mask, and maybe it never was entirely that to begin with.

That's where his primary motive comes in, I think. Internally, he hasn't had the time to actually figure himself out outside of his work as a hero. In a world where things are so peaceful heroes have more time than they know what to do with, he'd be able to separate himself from his work for once. To stop being "Hawks" and remember what being "Keigo" feels like again. I kinda doubt that that's like a conscious thing he's thinking about but I feel like subconsciously, it's part of what feels into that motive.

Anyway regardless of all of that I think one of the most obvious and genuine aspects about Hawks is how badly he just wants to help people. to keep people safe. to protect them. when he was taken by the HPSC, that was basically what he asked. "will I be able to save people? Will I be able to make them smile?" that's all he wants to do.

JUMPING OFF OF THAT POINT I think we really should talk about the narrative and motive parallels between him and Deku. you cannot tell me this man was not worried about this 15-year-old child being thrust into the position of "you must stop AFO and Shigaraki", once the fact he was the wielder of OFA was revealed. I like to think that the necessity of him being on that team helping Deku through his vigilante arc in s6 was not just because of circumstance or whatever. it was out of genuine concern for this kid.

IN FACT you see this same sort of concern for younger people reflected even MORE obviously in s7 when Tokoyami and Jiro show up to help take on AFO more directly. He tries so hard to keep them out of harm's way, borderline sacrificing himself for it. He was trained to do this, he was Made to do this, but these kids weren't, not in the same way. They should be able to live out the life he didn't get. The one he believes he "abandoned" as a child.

I ALSO need to talk about the way he talks about his parents and his journey to becoming Hawks. The notion of "abandonment". Because again, I don't think he's had a chance to really go "hm. I was a literal child when the HPSC took me in. perhaps my agreement to work with them wasn't just full consent and actually me being coaxed into it by a group of adults with a lot of power". I think he has a lot of complicated feelings about his parents, especially his mom, and I think he feels guilt for what happened between them. Maybe a similar guilt that he feels about what happened to Twice.

Oh yes, he feels guilty about Twice. He feels SO guilty. Killing him was a last resort, and one I think he was DESPERATELY trying to avoid, because Bubaigawara wasn't inherently a bad person. He was failed by society, stuck with a quirk that pushed him into madness. He wanted to help him, but he ran out of time to do so before he risked becoming a danger to the success of the rest of the plan.

Which might make you go "okay but what about the other villains he was implied to have killed" and you see that's the thing. He considers those deeds an unfortunate necessity. Basically, probably up until Twice's death, he's in a constant state of going through the trolley problem, over and over. Only a few dying to save the many. That's how he was justifying it. If he could get rid of these people, then it would make the world safer and push society to that peaceful future he strives for. I don't think he gets joy out of it, but he calls himself an optimist, so I think he tries to push past that guilt to see the potential good those deeds will bring.

Which is why Twice's death hits different. Good does not come out of it, and from that point on there's a shift in Hawks's focus. Before, he was alone but from this point on, he is always part of a team. He shifts from "killer, out of necessity" to more "protector, out of his own volition (and necessity)".

All of this is ALSO why I think he and Endeavor work so well as a duo. It goes further than Hawks's admiration of him. A lot further. They have some very interesting similarities which I think I would have to make an entirely different post about because this one is already 49867587 miles long.

Anyway MY POINT IS: Hawks lies, and he kills, but he doesn't do it out of malice. He does it because he was made to, forced to. He does it because he feels it's the only way. He was placed here to serve the HPSC and he does so well, to a fault. His moral greyness is a symptom of his situation, the role he was pushed into by those around him, and one I don't think (at this point I'm at in the story) he fully knows how to break out of. But he wants to do good. He wants to make life easier for future generations. And so he tries his best to do exactly that, even if it risks costing him his own life.

[clavissionary-position]

Gilbert vs. Azel

(crack but also contains some main story and sequel route spoilers)

Azel: (standing saint-like and unbothered at the end of Gilbert’s pointed cane)

Azel: And now that you’ve learned that little factoid, feel free to donate this—(skewers a receipt onto the cane)—exact amount to me. You know my contact information, right?

Azel: God@TheTemple.com. I’m telling you that free of charge, of course. It’s common knowledge, but it’s okay to be embarrassed if you didn’t know.

Gilbert: Hehe. As it happens, all of your other contact information is also common knowledge. (Retracts his cane to glance at the receipt) To me, anyway.

Azel: I’m happy for you. That means there’s no need to send any more rando princes to my country. It must be gratifying for a mortal to be so creepy, I mean knowledgeable.

Gilbert: Oh no! I’m not the one mystically window-watching into every bedroom ever, am I, Mister God@TheTemple.com?

Azel: May I ask why you seem so envious about that? Your current god complex isn’t lacking by any means.

Gilbert: Well, as you know, you can never know too much. Hehe.

Azel: You’d be surprised. By the way I also charge interest on any pledged donations that aren’t paid off in a timely manner. You will find my rates are completely reasonable.

Gilbert: For a prince.

Azel: For a man with eclectic means.

Gilbert: Ah. (smile deepens) While I’m not Silvio, it’s not a bad idea to attack me through my investments. But unfortunately for you, I don’t pay any bills I can’t read.

Azel: Tsk, tsk. It’s not a good look to lie to an omniscient character.

Gilbert: (pouts) I’m not lying. I mean, this handwriting is pen vomit. It looks like a tiny animal tried to imitate what it thinks a human being writes like.

Azel: (maintains his generous smile even though his eye is twitching) I wrote the receipt out in front of you not even ten seconds ago. Had I known you suffered from such catastrophic lapses in memory, I’d have gone to Prince Chevalier first.

Gilbert: Ahaha! Maybe you should have. He’d have ended this conversation much earlier. With much more blood.

Azel: (grimace) I’m happy we can agree on that much, at least. So in the interest of parting ways as soon as possible… (points at the receipt)

Gilbert: How shameless. So you think you get to order an Obsidianite prince around? I almost admire your foolhardy levels of courage. But I think there’s something that needs to be made clear.

Gilbert: Tigers, you see, are at the top of the food chain. They answer to no man. No god.

Gilbert: Sometimes to bunnies, but that’s the exception, not the rule.

Azel: I don’t contest that. But unicorns, you see…

Azel: (appears to glow under the mid-day sun) …are not even on the food chain.

Azel: (eyes sparkling) They prance-fly in their own pastel dimension, unfettered by this world’s foolish ways and uncivilized biologies.

Gilbert: Hehe, that’s a creative way of saying you’ve noped out of reality.

Azel: (under his breath) Your face is a creative way of saying ‘punch me’.

Gilbert: Hm? What was that?

Azel: (saintly smile) Nothing, nothing. Just praying for you.

Azel: (scribbles an extra surcharge to the receipt) You’re learning so many new things today, Gil. I’m sure you’ll achieve a grown-up’s level of knowledge long before you reach a grown-up’s level of physical stature.

Gilbert: You know, you shouldn’t directly plagiarize insults from whatever is popular at the moment. If it’s too mainstream, it loses its bite.

Gilbert: (dramatic shrug) I really thought a living god would be much more inspired than that, but I guess I was wrong.

Azel: I have better things to do with my time than murder normies, stalk bunnies, and brainstorm funnies.

Gilbert: Are you sure about that? That second point, I mean. A little bunny told me about some very interesting dreams she’s been having as of late.

Azel: (serious expression) I’m glad you brought that up. Can you tell your pet to quit stalking me? I’m a very busy man and I have no interest in starting a harem.

Gilbert: (tilts his head with an evil smile) Tell her yourself.

Azel: …..?

That night in the rosy dream world…

Azel: Oh, goddammit, not this goddamn stupid dream again! (kicks one of the columns) Urgh, that hurts!

Emma: Um, A….zel? Oh hey, I remembered your name this time! Azel, are you here today?

Azel: Of course I’m here. If I’m here, you’re here. If you’re here, I’m here. If you have a cure, I’m all ears.

Emma: Aw, that’s a cute poem.

Azel: Shut-up.

Emma: Right, anyway, I’m sorry about this. (points a gun at him)

Azel: …

Azel: …….

Azel: (watches the crystalized rose on the table begin to rot)

Azel: (sighs)

Azel: Does he want a discount on the bill, is that what this is about?

Emma: (realizes what she’s pointing and scampers to put the gun away) Oh shi… I’m sorry!

Crystalized Rose: (goes back to being uwu)

Emma: I meant to hold out my hand in a truce!

Azel: Truce? I don’t remember being at war with you.

Emma: Apparently we are? Stuff gets twisted around in Gil’s head all the time. Although usually there’s at least a grain of truth to it. But basically I’ll stop stalking your dreams if you stop stalking mine. I don’t know how, but I figure this is a good start.

Emma: (looks up at the dreamy clouds) See, Gil? We’re talking it out. Stop strapping your gun to my thigh while I sleep, please? It tickles and it makes me want to pee!

Azel: This is our dream. He can’t hear you.

Emma: I know, but I heard that if you shout stuff in your dreams, it's more likely you'll remember it when you wake up.

Emma: AZEL IS DEFINITELY THE GUY WE'RE TRYING TO TAKE DOWN IN THE CURRENT STORY ARC!

Emma: I NEED TO STOP CASUALLY TELLING HIM NATIONAL SECRETS!

Azel: (covering his ears) You're the reason I wake up with seven hundred bags under my eyes.

Emma: So... truce?

Azel: Yeah, sure, truce, whatever. (goes to shake her hand)

Emma: (points gun at him again) I'm sorry, I can't let you actually physically touch my hand or Gil will literally kill you.

Azel: THIS IS A DREAM WORLD

Azel: I’m not even going to tell you that your love is cursed. Your entire man is cursed.

[louiesselfshipramblings]

Danganronpa Yume Thoughts

Gonna be real: I have NOT directly played any Danganronpa game. I have, however, watched a friend play both most of 1 and parts 2, plus I've seen a bit of gameplay for V3, so I have a grasp on it for the most part. That said, the series has attractive gals, and just my luck, all my darlings meet untimely fates. Boo hoo :[

SO! I wanted to just ramble on some thoughts for each one. Gonna have a different s/i for each gal, for simplicity sake. I'll also be assuming either the Killing Games did NOT happen, or best-case scenario happened where everyone gets out alive (which I think is the ending of 2, anyways). So, uh. Mild spoilers. Mainly characters specific.

Celestia is very interesting, as I really analyze her. Her whole persona as "Queen of Lies" is just a front to appear special, to be more than just plain old Taeko. It's not enough to just be the Ultimate Gambler, she has to be this spectacular, strikingly dressed French woman, with desires for a classic European castle and a harem of vampire boys, heh. It's kinda funny to think of, but also quite sad. Maybe she didn't want everything she said, but perhaps in her lies remains a kernel of truth about what she really wants.

I think of em all, Celeste is the hardest for me for making an s/i. Maybe Ultimate Actor, to compliment her? Maybe Ultimate Empath, to help her? That's really what I want; to help her feel...how to say this...to feel right. To examine who Taeko is, who Celestia is, and come to who is real for her. Maybe it means a quiet life as a small time cardshark, maybe it means a prestigious life as the head of a casino chain. Whatever it may be, I want it to be something that makes her happy, something that makes her feel special, and something where we can do it together. I think she deserves it. Hm...maybe I hide my true talent, sorta like Makoto did. The Ultimate Guide, perhaps? I dunno, still a work in progress.

Comparatively, and I mean this is the nicest way possible, Ibuki is super simple. She is! She's just a silly girl who wants to rock out and sing and make people smile all around the world. That's the goal of any musician. And she should be able to! I'm talking world tours, baby! Solo act across Japan, China, India, Europe, African, North America, South America, and sure Austrailia if there's time. She'd want to bring her music to every corner of the globe...and maybe also try a bit of food there. Get a bit of a regional appetite, ya know! So what if she gets fat; she's punk, and fat is punk >:]

Firstly, was kinda thinking like...the Ultimate Groupie as my s/i lol. Seemed a lil silly. Maybe the Ultimate Manager? The Ultimate Supporter? Ya know, just SOMETHING that will make getting the Ibuki world tour easier to get off the ground. Not that she couldn't do it herself, but always nice to have a hand, yeh?

Kirumi...now, I find her interesting, as she straddles a middle ground. Not as simple as Ibuki, but definitely having more complexity akin to Celestia. Kinda just the dynamic of culprits to victims, I suppose. Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, buuuuut...I don't think Kirumi would wanna be prime minister? Don't get me wrong, she's talented, she's capable, but she's young. Like, what, hardly in her twenties, and she's responsible for the well-being of an entire nation? Yes, she does take her duties as the Ultimate Maid seriously, but just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean ya GOTTA. It's like putting a gifted kid through a special program; they can prolly handle it, but is it gonna help em through the long run? Prolly not. I feel she'd be much more content and happy (even if she doesn't fully get it) being a maid to a family as is, and see where she goes from there. I think she should get that choice.

As for my s/i with her, this one is easy. I'd be the Ultimate Butler, her perfect counterpart. Why? To spark some drive in her, some friendly competition. To pull out some emotion, some pride, some cockiness, even...some romance? Just someone who can keep up with her, and break down that icy wall around her. Or at least, have it come down on her off hours, ya know, ehehehe...

[nerves-nebula]

People are odd, every few days i have the sudden urge to send you a lengthy ask about an odd topic or thought (idk why you specifically, maybe its because you're one of those blogs i check like the morning news paper) and I have to stop myself and go "what does nerves gain from this" (like the one time I wrote a 1800 word essay about why I wasn't intrested in playing nine sols and only upon completion did I think "Hm, nerves gains literally nothing from this" )

I think more people should probably think of this question

Anyhow, how was your day otherwise? Also, I presume Dotty's bad reaction to the braiding question was because Dotty sees braiding as a sexual act. In that case, has Dotty had a bad history with sex? In the case you can't answer this due to spoiler reasons (like dotty did have a history of being a victim of sexual abuse but only in a past life, something like that) then let me ask another question: how does the association handle sexual abuse? I presume badly, but that might just be because of vibes than anything else

yeagh. tbh i dont mind it most of the time but sometimes its like "thanks for sharing but idk how to respond to this"

got long so under the cut

speaking of oversharing my day was FINE i went to my THERAPIST and she was like "[lot of stuff i dont feel like summarizing]" and then i showered and went my DOCTOR and she was like "you're asshole looks good man idk what that was. like for real we have no idea what that was" and then i made TACO PIZZA and it was GOOD but i ate TOO MUCH of it and now i have a HEADACHE but its not as bad as it used to be (maybe drinking soda DID help)

as for dotty uh lol. lmao. would anyone be surprised.

as for how the association handles sa uhhhh case by case basis. like if its with an association member and a spawnling that'd be handled differently than a spawnling on spawnling case. but they prolly start by separating the two ppl. if the campus it happens on is big enough they'll keep em on the same campus while they try to get to the bottom of it. if one of them absolutely HAS to leave then it'll be the accused one but there's a chance for them to be allowed back on campus if the charges aren't substantiated.

then there's investigations into if and/or how this happened and why and if anyone was ignoring signs that they should've been following up on and just a lotta stuff like that. a lotta the stuff people say they do irl but with a significantly better history of ACTUALLY doing it. but a lot of shit is contingent on the specifics of the situation.

like the spawnling wellness association is not as BAD as it seems. they're failing pretty hard with atchkie and dotty and we're gonna see how they can be pretty bad and inflexible and have ppl fall through the cracks in the rest of the story. but i'd say about like 80-90% of spawnlings have a pretty good experience with them. it's just that we're not following those 80-90% cuz that's not a fun story. (also there's some systemic issues that have similarities with colonization because of the way the association works by snatching up spawnlings without a care about placing them within the communities they spawned nearby but we dont have time for that rn)

they are more or less used to dealing with a wide variety of spawnlings in a wide variety of situations and they arent super underfunded like a lot of social care systems are irl. the only reason they're struggling with dotty and atchkie so much is because those two are abnormalities. Like for Dotty it's on the level of taking a kid to a checkup and the doctor saying "this child doesn't have functioning lungs but also doesn't need to breathe in order to live" like... that shouldn't be possible.... that's NOT possible... and its probably more (understandably) pressing to a lot of people that they're studied than it is that they aren't made to feel bad about it haha.

like for their credit I will say they probably do a better job handling SA than a lot of institutions in our world on account of the spawnling wellness association was started in response to extremely prevalent spawnling trafficking/slavery. so stuff like sa and abuse and coercion and trauma care were thought of from the start. and they're less of a focus now, but its not like, a school that then had to think about how to handle that sa later on.

(however they're also lowkey kind of sometimes spawnling traffickers themselves now cuz of the paternalistic mindset of it all so um. take that with a grain of salt.)

kind of rambling a ton but the gist is "they take it seriously and have experts on call and actually do investigations and shit and it's not always perfect but at the very least they don't tend to victim blame"

[foundfam2754]

S18e9 live reactions!!

Spoilers…obviously

i can’t believe it’s second to last episode, can we get s19 already pls :)

and a confirmation for s20? pls and ty paramount studios

AHH I ALMOST FORGOT THEY GOT ENGAGED YAYYY TEBECCA

ochoa is definitely involved — just from the “previously on CME…” clip

lol vip

i do not trust you julia

HAHAH whoever wrote that line i love

nah it’s not this guy, that’s too easy

oh dang that’s a transition to the next scene

WAIT WHAT, IT IS HIM…???

he’s maybe a network member, definitely not TD

the fuck is going on help me out here erica

lol “closer than you think”, you have no idea jaje

does elias just get to…walk around? ik he’s a “new person” but he was still sicarius, you know, a bad guy

also ochoa’s comfort with him makes me nervous and more confident that she’s TD - she’s giving Mary Meadows energy, circa s13 (iykyk)

oh heck what happened

hi tara girl, you should be resting 😌

family means everything to voit - think about it, he did everything he could in s16 to make sure his family didn’t find out and he didn’t lose them - and it what’s broke him that he lost them in s18, it seems to be consistent in all versions of who he is

yes, penelope your outfit is amazing today!

YEAH YOU CAN’T DO THAT

I KNEW IT OMG OMG OMG ORDAINING MINISTER PENELOPE GARCIA

oh man wasn’t this case the one right after will?

collRATeral —hm, okay a message is being delivered through this rat slap game for sure oh goodness

they?? the network…

OH MY GOD WILL AS A TACTIC?

yay garvez forced proximity!

also this episode is so good

OH, emily is right

OMG TYLER? is he the leak? oh god

but ochoa’s staff wouldn’t know about will, would they?

OH GOODNESS KEEP DAVE SAFE PLEASE

lol tara

“ozempic?? ozempic is administered by injection” lol that is fucking hilarious

YAY BAU IS FINALLY HEALING

he is charming, isn’t he penelope?

lol i need to know more about luke’s fantasy football team

this is couple level flirting

what are these close up camera angles

there’s no way, right?

why don’t you just tell him you found them? like bluff

OH MY GOODNESS SYNDEY

WTF i thought it was sydney but it was elias omg

julia what are you doing? why are you defending him?

ALSO ALSO ALSO this makes me think that this was on purpose. elias is not an idiot, i think he’s still in control of the network and him getting arrested is on purpose — this is how he gets out of trouble, how he gets free….also why else would the nurse person give ELIAS the phone if he didn’t have some hand in it in some way?

you’ve disappointed your father, elias

see? even his intonation is original elias

aw rossi’s notebook has been the same since s3

father-son bonding?

why are they telling him so much about why and how

i love these characters so much but for super smart, super experienced people, they keep showing their cards to the WRONG PEOPLE

they swapped the SIM cards for sure

ooh that’s a good transition

OCHOA

IT IS OCHOA

oh goodness, it is JULIA

omg it’s julia, it fucking has to be

“we can take penelope off the table” lol

do NOT call papa pasta old

I DO NOT BELIEVE ELIAS HAS GROWN A CONSCIENCE I JUST DON’T — family has always been somewhat important to him so i believe he’d do it regardless

when did ava and luke become besties lol

“hi lainey 🙂” “😐” HAHAH

“spousal privilege” lukey i love you

i love em this episode, she is badass

how would she know that lol

it’s definitely julia — i mean she would not be this involved with the process, with monica, with JJ, with the BAU telling HER FUCKING EVERYTHING, with TD being a woman, if it was not her

goodness, i love them, but they’re being so dumb - check the NURSES AGAIN

they’re all in virginia

oh goodness, my emily girl

OH MY GOODNESS IT IS JULIA - the chocolate was not a mistake

OH MY GOODNESS IT IS NOT JULIA??? i am so confuzzled so much is happening

even after everything i do not trust ochoa

oh goodness, i could see how it could be tyler too omg

oh wtf THAT’S THE CLIFFHANGER?

i feel like there’s still a ton to be resolved — idk how they’re going to do it in one episode but this one was really good

s18 has had consistently good episodes

until next time, friends!

- FF