#is that a slim jim or a twizzler

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Where Will All The Martyrs Go [Chapter 7: Tell Me That I Won't Feel A Thing]

A/N: Hello besties! Thank you for voting in the poll for Chapter 7. Below are your predictions...let's see how you did! 🥰

Series summary: In the midst of the zombie apocalypse, both you and Aemond (and your respective travel companions) find yourselves headed for the West Coast. It’s the 2024 version of the Oregon Trail, but with less dysentery and more undead antagonists. Watch out for snakes! 😉🐍

Series warnings: Language, sexual content (18+ readers only), violence, bodily injury, med school Aemond, character deaths, nature, drinking, smoking, drugs, Adventures With Aegon™️, pregnancy and childbirth, the U.S. Navy, road trip vibes, Jace is back yay!!!

Series title is a lyric from: “Letterbomb” by Green Day.

Chapter title is a lyric from: “Give Me Novacaine” by Green Day.

Word count: 9.6k

💜 All my writing can be found HERE! 💜

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist 🥰

Billboards ask you as the Tahoe flies across the flat emerald sea of Iowa: Have you heard the good news? Have you been saved? Where will you spend eternity? Are you struggling with same-sex attraction? Do you regret your abortion? Do you fear the Lord? Do you want to end up in Hell?

Aegon snickers, gnawing on a Slim Jim. The sun glare turns his wild hair to gold, etches crinkles into the ruddy skin around his eyes, murky like deep water, oceans you recognize from other corners of the world. “I thought I was already there.”

Jace’s Honda Rebel 300 is left on the shoulder of the highway with its fuel tank uncapped, drained to feed the Tahoe, prehistoric combustion, bottomless mechanical hunger. Rhaena takes over driving so Baela can sit with Jace, touch him, inhale him, convince herself he’s real. Aegon climbs into the passenger’s seat and skips songs on the CD player until he finds the one he wants: In Da Club by 50 Cent. The miles roll by so soft and so infinite that you can’t imagine ever feeling trapped again, warm July air unfurling down the darkest corridors of your lungs, hawks on lifeless power lines and fields dappled with white-tailed deer. And you think: Everything will be better now.

You cross the Missouri River and into Nebraska at Plattsmouth, which—according to a plaque mounted on the outskirts of town—the Lewis and Clark Expedition passed through over two centuries ago. Rhaena follows Aegon’s directions to cut between Lincoln and Omaha, avoiding the roiling wastelands of the cities and keeping well north of Cooper Nuclear Station, where in the absence of a successful manual or computerized shutdown before the power grid collapsed, rods of uranium are melting down and irradiating the surrounding area, anemia, cancer, heart disease, radiation sickness, an affliction that eats you alive.

Rhaena takes Nebraska State Route 66 north and then Route 92 due west, lush fields of corn and soybeans and sorghum planted before the dead began to walk, bones of devoured livestock. You stop for the night in a town called Broken Bow, the sky turning the colors of fire and rust and blood, the Tahoe exsanguinated like a man with a slit throat. Every vehicle you pass already has its fuel cap unscrewed; the farther west you go—the scarcer the resources, the longer it’s been since the world began to end—the less the earth will yield to you: less guns, less gasoline, less food, less human settlements scattered across what was once called the frontier. You commandeer a two-story house: white wood, wraparound porch, a long gravel driveway that winds like a snake. There is a small cornfield and a barn, both of which you sweep for zombies before making yourselves at home. You try not to think about what happened to the family that used to live here.

Helaena lights candles, Luke and Rhaena distribute bowls and silverware, Aemond and Rio gather kindling for the woodstove, Daeron keeps watch on the porch, Aegon picks all the Twizzlers out of a mixed bag of Hershey’s candy for Jace. There is a 12-pack of Ramen noodles in the pantry, gallons of water in the cellar, and a pot large enough to cook it all in one batch. Cregan takes Ice and disappears into the cornfield for half an hour at dusk—something none of the rest of you would ever consider—and reappears with an opossum that he’s nearly decapitated with his axe. He butchers it and you brown cubes of meat in a sauté pan placed directly on the glowing embers. The others are horrified and won’t eat a single bite until you do. It’s the first real food you’ve had since you left Saratoga Springs, and you feel satiated in a way you had forgotten existed.

In honor of Jace’s resurrection, some revelry is in order. There are bottles of Grey Goose vodka in a kitchen cabinet, and Aemond allows a two drink maximum for anyone eligible to participate: Baela is too pregnant, Daeron is too young, Aemond himself is too vigilant, too self-sacrificial, too indoctrinated into the religion of his own martyrdom.

“Daddy loved his screwdrivers,” Cregan says. “I remember being five or six and taking a big gulp of one thinking it was Sunny D or Tang or something. Lord almighty, was that a shock!” He guffaws, then inspects the pantry, scratching at the dark stubble on his cheeks. “We ain’t got nothing like orange juice though.”

“Mama made hers with Hawaiian Punch.” You point: there are several jugs of it on the floor between boxes of Pop-Tarts and Welch’s Fruit Snacks and Cheddar Whales, red like crushed blackberries or fresh blood.

Cregan grins at you over his brawny shoulder. “That’ll work, Miss Chips.”

Luke and Rhaena have first watch, Rio and Aegon will take the second. You are blessedly unburdened tonight. This house is big enough for you to get your own room; you climb the staircase with Grey Goose vodka burning in your throat, your head warm and dizzy, a sensation like freefalling as you lie down on the bed.

I left them, you think, the walls spinning around you, echoes of Mama’s voice through the phone as Rio stood there nodding, encouraging you to hang up. I left them and I never looked back. Can someone commit such an act of ancestral betrayal without incurring a curse?

You are still considering this when you feel Aemond’s weight on the mattress and fold into him, the world going dark and hushed and harmless.

~~~~~~~~~~

“I think it’s safe,” you tell Aemond between sighs, his lips on your throat, his hand between your thighs. Late-morning sunlight slants in through the bedroom windows; goldfinches and blue jays flap by chirping blithely. The dead pillage the misfortunate beasts of the earth, but creatures of the air and water are spared. You can hear geese honking from a distance, and the breeze through the cornfield, and calm indistinct voices beneath the floorboards. You can smell pancakes turning from white to gold in a pan sizzling with Crisco. Cregan must be cooking breakfast in the woodstove.

“How sure are you?” Aemond murmurs, his breath warm on your neck, those small teeth he’s always hiding nipping playfully, and if he leaves marks like stains of ballpoint ink you don’t care. He’s whisked every scrap of your clothing away. Beneath him you are bare and helpless and needing more.

“Like…eighty percent sure.”

“I’ll pull out.”

“Like Jace did?”

He laughs and kisses your mouth, not just ravenous but wild like a storm, and all the rest of the world goes quiet. Your ankles are linked around him, his hips rocking with yours. He is wearing only his boxers, black plaid from a looted Walmart, apocalypse chic. “Hopefully better than that.”

“Just try your best. I trust you. I’m willing to risk it.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s worth it to me.” I could be dead in nine months, he could be dead in nine months. I’m not wasting the time we have left.

“It’s your decision. You would be most affected by the consequences.” He draws away and glances down. “I want to look at you.”

“Ohhh.” You stall. “I’ve been trimming with scissors by candlelight. It’s a hack job.”

“I won’t mind.” He grins. “You don’t mind my hack job of a face.”

“I love your face,” you say as you skim your fingerprints down the length of his scar. And then, when he raises an eyebrow roguishly: “I didn’t break any rules. I didn’t say I love you, just your face. I’m totally using you for your face. Your personality is terrible.”

He snickers, kisses you goodbye, retreats to your hips and pushes your thighs apart as you cover your face and whimper, nervous, exhilarated. And then his lips are on you and the trepidation melts away, puddles pooling and then evaporating, and you have a vision of being home again, shivering and dripping in front of the crackling flames of the woodstove after playing outside in the snow and waiting for the fire to take the cold away. Now the fire is growing over you like ivy, tendrils snaking through veins and leaves opening in your lungs, bones vanishing, muscles turning pliant and weightless. You can feel Aemond’s fingers pushing into you, a fleeting second of tension and discomfort, and then a fullness that is delectable, irresistible, maddening.

“Come back,” you plead, and when he does you clasp his face with both hands, kissing him deeply as his fingers remain inside you, thrusting and bathed in your wetness. You’re finally ready for him, you have to be, you need him so badly: like you’re dying of thirst, like you’re running out of air. “Now, Aemond, please. I want all of you.”

And he wants it too. His boxers are gone and he’s positioning himself between your legs, his tongue in your mouth, one hand cradling your jaw as the other guides his cock to where you are slick and aching and aware of an emptiness that has never felt so dire.

He’s so big…

But you are determined to take all of him. You don’t care if there’s pain, if there’s fear. You want to feel what it’s like to be with him before it’s too late.

Aemond presses himself against you, rolls his hips cautiously…and nothing happens. He is a bit more forceful. There is immense pressure, then the beginning of a stretching that is sharp, searing, dreadful, unfamiliar in a way that is completely disorienting. You gasp before you can stop yourself; a wince ripples across your face too quickly to camouflage. Aemond shakes his head and climbs off you, settling beside you on the bed.

“Fuck,” you exhale in frustration, slapping a palm down on the mattress. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand why…why I’m like this…”

“Shh,” Aemond soothes, kissing you. “It’s okay, it’s fine. I’ll help you finish and then we can try again later.”

“Why isn’t this easier?”

“You’re just nervous,” he says gently, smoothing your hair back from your face, like it’s no big deal, like he’s pointing out a bird or a rabbit or the shape of a cloud.

“I don’t feel nervous.”

“It’s not always conscious, sometimes the body reacts without the mind even being aware of it. You tense up and things become…more challenging. But fortunately for us, the treatment is very enjoyable. We just keep messing around and working up to it until one day you’re so aroused and so relaxed that I can glide in without any discomfort whatsoever, and then your body adjusts to this glorious new experience and you aren’t so nervous anymore.”

“Can’t you just…you know…sorry, this isn’t very romantic, but like…shove it in?”

“I could, sure,” Aemond says. “If I was a horrible person. And then you’d learn to associate sex with pain, which would just exacerbate the situation.”

“The problem, you mean.”

He smiles patiently. “You aren’t a problem. We’ll figure it out, we have time.”

Do we? You stare morosely up at the ceiling, shadows of clouds, shades of wings. “I should have hooked up with that Marine at Corpus Christi. Then I’d have practice. I was so afraid of giving a man the power to hurt me or get me pregnant or otherwise ruin my life, but I didn’t know I’d meet you one day. And now I just want everything to be easy for us, and it isn’t.”

“Hey.” Aemond turns your face towards his. “For me, you are…” He struggles to decide on the words, his eye drifting to the window, sunlight turning the blue of his iris to a shallow, glass-clear river. “You’re like an island, and everything else is a sea of poison, and violence, and catastrophically fucked up situations, and when we’re alone together it all goes away for a little while. The world gets quiet. It’s never been like that for me before. I don’t mind if it takes time for us to figure this out. I just want to be with you.”

“What happens when we get to Nevada, and you’re supposed to turn south for the Bay Area while I go north to Oregon?”

Aemond shrugs, but his expression is contemplative. “I’ve been thinking about that. Maybe we’ll all stay together and go to one place, then the other. If Odessa is safe, I can bring my parents, Criston, and Grandfather there. If it isn’t, we can bring Rio’s family south and live in California in that beach house on the cliff.”

“I never thought I’d set foot in a mansion.”

“I never thought I’d eat opossum.”

You laugh and curl up against him, resting your head and a palm on his chest. “How was it?”

“Not too bad, actually. Kind of like dark meat chicken. A little gamey, but I like lamb and venison, so that’s fine with me.”

“Just wait until you try bear.”

“Bear?!”

There is a knock at the bedroom door. Luke’s bashful voice is muted through the wood. “Aemond?”

“Yeah?” Aemond replies impatiently.

This was not an invitation, but Luke doesn’t seem to know that. He opens the door, and as he does Aemond throws the blanket over you so you’re covered, leaving himself completely exposed.

Luke begins: “I’m really sorry, I didn’t want to bother you, but…” His eyes go wide. “Oh, you’re like, all the way naked.” He turns and stares at the wall to be polite. “If it’s a bad time, I could come back in five minutes. Do you need more than five minutes? Wait, that was rude, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sure you can last way longer than five minutes…um…”

Aemond sighs. “What’s wrong, Luke?”

“Jace is sick.”

“Sick?” Aemond sits up straighter, his eye narrowing. “Sick how?”

“He’s been puking since he woke up.”

You and Aemond exchange a startled glance as you clutch the edges of a blanket patterned with wild horses. Illness, virus, plague, curse.

“He hasn’t been bitten or anything,” Luke says quickly. “So it can’t be…you know…that. And he and Baela don’t seem that worried. But you should probably take a look at him.”

Aemond nods, less alarmed now. “I agree. Can I get those five minutes first?”

Luke smiles. “Yeah. See you downstairs.” He leaves and shuts the door behind him.

You look to Aemond. “Why—?”

He yanks the blanket away and drags you towards him. “I said I was going to help you finish,” he says, grinning, a hand slipping between your thighs.

You bite at his lips when he kisses you and tease: “I don’t need your help.”

“No, I’m sure you don’t. But it’s better when I’m here.”

And he’s right; it is.

~~~~~~~~~~

Daeron is out on the front porch sharpening sticks into arrows and using goose feathers for fletching, attaching them to the wood with a tube of Gorilla Glue that Helaena found for him. Helaena herself is presently floating through the house—soundlessly, ethereally, traceless like a ghost—and partaking in what you all call “apocalypse shopping,” pilfering the clothes and accessories of the former occupants. She seems to know everyone’s sizes without needing to ask. Aegon, Rio, and Cregan are sitting in the living room and eating pancakes off paper plates, carelessly spilling Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup on hideous 1970s couches ornamented with scenes of pheasants and autumn leaves. Down on the Turkish-style area rug, Ice is merrily chomping her way through a stack of burnt pancakes.

“So Cregan,” Rio says, his bare feet propped on the coffee table. “What did you do before the whole zombie situation?”

“I was a lumberjack.”

“No way!”

“Yes sir. I cut down trees for the power company.”

“What a coincidence,” Rio says around a mouthful of pancakes. “I was an electrician!”

“Well how about that? We oughta go into business together once the world straightens itself out. Where’d you work?”

“All over. Wherever the Navy sent us.”

Cregan sets his fork down on his plate. “You were enlisted?”

“Yeah, me and Chips both. That’s how we met.”

Cregan, much to Rio’s surprise, seizes his hand and shakes it soberly. “Thank you very kindly for your service.”

“No problem,” Rio replies, then turns to Aegon. “No gratitude from you, huh?”

“I showed my gratitude when I let you have the last pancake, you ogre…”

In the only bedroom on the first floor, down a hallway and towards the back of the house, Jace looks worse than you expected. He is heaving into a reusable plastic popcorn bucket, gluey ropes of saliva dangling from his lips; his skin is pale and bloodless, his dark curls damp with sweat. Baela is perched beside him on the bed and holding a wet washcloth to the back of his neck. Rhaena and Luke are loitering anxiously in the doorway, watching Aemond to determine if they should panic.

Jace casts you a bitter glance. “You poisoned me with your poor people food.”

“There’s nothing wrong with eating opossum,” you say, somewhat defensively.

Aemond feels his forehead. “That wouldn’t give you a fever. And everyone else is fine.”

“Maybe I’m extra sensitive. My digestive system has higher standards. I’m built different.” Jace resumes retching into the bucket.

Baela tells Aemond: “He can’t keep anything down. There’s nothing left in him, but he’s still so sick…it has to be a stomach flu, right?”

“Who would he have caught it from?” Luke asks, and Baela doesn’t have an answer.

“Stand up,” Aemond orders Jace when his wave of nausea abates. “Strip down.”

“Aemond, he wasn’t bitten,” Baela says. “I saw his whole body last night. He doesn’t have any scratches or bruises or anything.”

“Fine. But I want to see for myself.”

Jace stumbles out of the bed, pushing away Baela’s hands as she tries to stop him. “Okay, Nick Fury. If you wish to gaze upon the goods, I won’t deny you. I’m not shy.” Aemond rolls his eye. You turn around to give Jace privacy. “What’s the matter, Chips? The only dick you’re interested in belongs to Mike Wazowski over there?”

“Jace,” Baela says, but she’s chuckling. Amused, you stare at a picture on the wall—a haloed Jesus guiding a flock of lambs—as Jace sheds his clothing and follows Aemond’s instructions: lift your arm, turn around, show me the bottoms of your feet.

“No bites,” Aemond confirms, deep in thought. “But the symptoms…”

“It’s not that, Aemond, I’m telling you,” Jace insists, rasping breaths between each clause. “Listen, I got sick when I was alone, before I found you guys again. My stomach, my head. Maybe it’s the same thing now. It didn’t last long, and I thought I was over it, but I guess not.”

���People don’t get better and then worse again after they’ve been bitten,” Rhaena observes softly. “They just get worse.”

Jace lies back down on the bed, his face crumbling with pain. Baela uses the wet washcloth to cool his cheeks and neck. “My head hurts so fucking bad…”

“Because you’re dehydrated,” Aemond says.

“Helaena brought pills, but every time I try to take one I throw it up before it can start working.” There is a gurgling sound in his guts, and then a horrified expression. “Baela, I gotta get outside again.” She and Luke immediately swoop in, grab one arm each, and usher him out of the bedroom, through the back door of the farmhouse, and into the cornfield to allow him some semblance of dignity.

Rhaena gives you and Aemond an awkward smirk. “Helaena found Jace a 24-pack of Angel Soft toilet paper in the basement. So there’s some good news.”

“He needs electrolytes,” Aemond says. “We can’t let him get so dehydrated that his kidneys shut down. IV fluids aren’t an option. Pedialyte would be the next best thing, Gatorade or Powerade if that’s all we can find.”

“We passed a pharmacy on our way here,” Rhaena recalls. “It’s only a mile back, I think.”

Aemond nods. “Then that’s where I’m going,” he says, and walks out of the room.

You say as you follow him: “I want to go with you.”

“No.” Aemond points to Rio, who is now playing Uno with Aegon on the coffee table in the living room. “You and I are going to a pharmacy to get Pedialyte for Jace so he doesn’t die.”

“Cool,” Rio says, standing and fetching his Remington shotgun from where he propped it against the wall. “What’s wrong with him?”

“We don’t know. Maybe food poisoning.”

Aegon says, a hand pressed to his heart: “Personally, I loved the opossum.”

You stare defiantly up at Aemond. “If Rio is going, I have to go too.”

“Aww, so you can protect me?” Rio teases fondly, patting your back with one monstrous palm, an unintentional battering.

“Yeah. Exactly.”

Rio looks at Aemond. Aemond looks at you, touching his chin agitatedly. “You are stressing me out.”

“I’m the best shot. I want to be there in case anything happens.”

“Fine, okay, whatever you want. Just stay near Rio.”

“That’s the idea.”

“A pharmacy?” Aegon asks excitedly. “Can I go?”

“No,” Aemond snaps, and continues out onto the porch. In the gravel driveway, Cregan and Daeron are kneeling by the Tahoe and inspecting the front tire on the driver’s side. “What’s wrong now?” Aemond asks, exasperated.

“Got a flat,” Cregan says. “The little fella here noticed it.”

Daeron is mortified. “Please don’t call me that.”

Aemond peers around mistrustfully, out at the road, into the cornfield. “Someone sabotaged us?”

Cregan shakes his head and taps the tire. “Naw, we just ran over a nail yesterday. You can see it right here. A big one too, a masonry nail, I suspect.”

“Can you fix it?” Rio asks.

“I think so. I saw a jack and a lug wrench hanging up on the wall in the barn, now I just need a new tire, a real one. A spare wouldn’t do us much good, not with all the weight we’re carrying. It’d pop in twenty miles.” Cregan gestures to the main road, but westward, the opposite direction from the pharmacy. “Don’t remember seeing a tire place on our way in. Figured I’d try the other direction. I’ll walk ‘til I find a shop or a truck with the right kind of tires to steal from, whichever comes first. Can’t change a tire on gravel, though. I’ll have to drive the Tahoe out to the road and fix it there. I’m gonna need Rhaena’s keys.”

There is an uneasy lull as Aemond studies him. You, Rio, Daeron, and Aegon—who is lingering on the front porch, not yet ready to admit defeat—glance between them apprehensively. Ice is rolling around in the gravel, coating her grey fur with dust. “How do I know you won’t take off without us?”

Cregan’s face goes dark. His brow, heavy and furrowed, settles low over his eyes. “Look buddy, I’ve done a lot of things for you and your people that I didn’t have to. And now I’m fixing the Tahoe so it can take you west, someplace you decided we’re going. If you don’t trust me, do it yourself. Kill your own opossum. Change your own flat tire. But you can’t, can you? Just like I can’t shoot a zombie straight through the eye or tell you how to cure that sick boy in there. We’ve all got jobs here. Let me do mine.”

Aemond glowers at Cregan, knowing he’s right. Daeron averts his eyes; Rio, grinning, eats a handful of Cheddar Whales from a pocket of his cargo shorts. You lay a palm on Aemond’s forearm. “Aemond…he’s trying to help.”

“Sure,” Aemond replies crossly.

“You want collateral?” Cregan says. “Take my dog.” He whistles, and Ice scampers to his side. He points to you. “Go on, princess.” Ice obediently trots over to stand with you, shaggy ash-colored fur, bestial amber eyes like a rattlesnake’s. “She’ll look after you on your way to the pharmacy and back. And if the Tahoe and I have mysteriously vanished upon your return, you can eat her for dinner.”

“You don’t want a warning if you’re about to run into zombies?” Rio asks.

Cregan chuckles as he picks up his axe off the gravel. “Don’t you worry about me. We haven’t heard a peep since we got into town, and I’m just going a little ways up the road. Any less than ten of those abominations, and I can take care of myself.” He gives you and Rio a parting salute and strides into the farmhouse to collect the Tahoe keys from Rhaena.

Aemond turns to Daeron. “Stay here, keep watch. We’ll be back as soon as we can.”

Daeron nods, glancing to where his compound bow rests on the front porch. “Got it.”

“Aegon will help you.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Aegon says. “I want to go to the pharmacy too.”

Aemond is losing what remains of his patience. “No.”

“Please?”

“No!”

“Then can you at least bring me something back?”

Rio is confounded. “What do you need?”

“You know…” Aegon gestures vaguely. “Percocet, Vicodin, Oxy, maybe some of that cough syrup with the codeine in it—”

“Grow the fuck up,” Aemond flares, and Aegon falls silent. “You’re thirty years old. Take some goddamn responsibility for something, for anything. I have to go to the pharmacy, Cregan has to fix the Tahoe, someone has to stay here with Daeron to help protect Jace and Baela, and Luke and Rhaena, and Helaena too. Just shut up and do the right thing. You have to start acting like an adult. Who do you think is in charge if I get killed? I’ve never for a single day of my life had the luxury of making selfish choices, and now I feel like I’m not even allowed to die. Leaving everyone else with you would be like leaving them with nobody.”

Aegon gazes up at him, not offended but childishly, mortally wounded. His oceanic eyes are huge and glistening. “But you’re not going to die before me.”

“That’s not the point,” Aemond pitches back, cutting, caustic. Then he starts down the long gravel driveway towards the road. You give Aegon a small, apologetic half-smile and then follow after his younger brother, Ice loping alongside you.

Rio thumps Aegon encouragingly on one shoulder. “See you soon, Honey Bun.” And Aegon watches the three of you disappear, standing in the dazzling midday light with his arms folded over his chest and his hair in hie face, kicking at the gravel with the Sperry Bahama sneakers he once wore on yachts and golf courses.

“Please try to be nice to him,” you tell Aemond when you’re far enough away to be out of earshot. Rio is humming a song you don’t immediately recognize—probably Enrique Iglesias—and acting like he’s not listening. “You don’t know how much longer any of us have. And if that was the last thing you ever said to him, you’d feel awful about it.”

“You have no idea what it was like being his brother. Since I was born all I’ve done is try to plug the holes he blasts into ships. But there’s always water on the floor, I’m never done bailing it out. He needs to learn how to do things for himself.”

“Yes, he does. But he loves you, and he wants you to be happy. He would never intentionally take anything from you. He’ll grow into his purpose, whatever that is.”

“He needs to do it faster,” Aemond says harshly, and you walk the rest of the way without speaking, listening for snarling or lurching footsteps, hearing nothing but birdsong and wind whispering through leaves.

The pharmacy—a diminutive family-owned business, not a chain—has been ravaged. The glass of the large bay window has been broken out and the shelves looted, empty containers and wrappers littering the floor, crystalline shards threatening to gash, stab, infect.

“Stay out here with the dog,” Aemond tells you. Ice is panting calmly, her ears relaxed, her strange yellowish eyes taking in the scenery without any concern. “If she gets her paws sliced up, Cregan will have yet another accusation to levy against me.”

“You’re going to have to get used to him.”

“Not much of an adjustment for you, it seems,” Aemond says, then steps through the shattered window, glass crunching beneath his shoes. Rio gives you a wink and goes after him. They rummage through the remaining merchandise, strewn about randomly and interspersed among trash. Aemond peeks behind the counter where pharmacists once filled prescriptions and climbs over it, searching for any bottles or boxes that were left behind.

“Sorry guys, no condoms,” Rio announces, then laughs at his own joke.

“Be careful,” you urge from outside. “Look underneath, check the bottom racks. Rio? Rio, down low, check them!”

“Relax, ain’t nothing going on in here. It’s silent as the grave.” He laughs again. “Get it? As the grave.”

“Aemond?”

“I’m fine,” he tells you as he squints to read medicine bottles.

“Okay, okay,” Rio says, squatting to examine the shelves closest to the cluttered floor. “I’m checking all the racks. There’s nothing scary under the racks. Happy now?”

“Very. Helaena said something that freaked me out.”

“She can be a bit of an enigma,” Aemond admits. He is taking a tiny box from a drawer to keep.

“Oh, we got Pedialyte!” Rio says, yanking a jug of pink fluid from a pile of debris. “You think Jace likes strawberry?”

Aemond hurries over to help him hunt for more. “Yeah. It’s like a Twizzler, right?”

Ice noses your hand and whimpers softly. You look down at her. “What?”

She whirls and canters around the side of the pharmacy, then returns to make sure you’re keeping up. You go after her, slow and wary, a hand on one of your Beretta M9s. There’s nothing of note to be found in the narrow, shadowy alleyway other than an overflowing dumpster and two skeletons stripped of every shred of fabric and flesh; even the bones were licked clean.

You turn to Ice. “Did I need to see this?” She whines and shifts her weight from foot to foot, ears perked up. Something else? You look down the alleyway. Far behind the pharmacy and the shops that surround it is a church on a jade green slope, old-fashioned, white wood and a belltower. There is a cemetery beside it, and amidst the small grey blurs of headstones are… “Oh,” you breathe. “So that’s where the rest of the town is.”

The graveyard is full of limp, swaying figures that can only be zombies. You are far away and draped in shadows; you retreat back to the pharmacy without any indication that you’ve been spotted, Ice trailing close behind. Aemond and Rio are climbing out of the window just as you arrive. They are each carrying three jugs of Pedialyte in various flavors.

“Where the hell’d you go?” Aemond says; but he sounds more relieved than irritated.

“There’s a church about an eight of a mile away. And there are a lot of zombies in the cemetery.”

Rio sets his Pedialyte down on the sidewalk and reaches for the Remington 12 gauge hanging over his shoulder by its leather strap. “Okay, let’s go clear them out.”

“No, I mean a lot. Like a hundred.”

He freezes. “Oh.”

“We should leave town,” you say.

“While Jace is puking and shitting everywhere? You want to be stuck in a car with that?”

Aemond is thinking, toying with the little box you saw him pick up earlier. “We’ll leave as soon as we can.”

“What’s that?” you ask him.

He shows you the label. “Injectable morphine. All the pills were gone, but I found one vial of this, and I have syringes in my medical kit. It doesn’t need to be refrigerated. It should still be useable.”

“For Baela?” For when she delivers the baby?

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Just in case.” Then he looks at both you and Rio meaningfully. “Don’t tell Aegon I have this.”

“We won’t,” Rio promises. And Ice begins trotting back towards the farmhouse, as if trying to rush you along.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Tahoe is at the mouth of the long gravel driveway, still up on a hand-cranked scissor jack. The tire appears to be new, but the lug nuts haven’t been tightened, and the wrench is nowhere to be found.

“Cregan?” Rio says uncertainly, peeking through the cornstalks as they bend in the wind. “Hey, Cregan? Aemond’s sorry he was a bitch to you earlier. He wants you to return ASAP and do manual labor for him.” Aemond grimaces; Rio beams in reply. But Cregan does not appear.

You can hear them long before you reach the farmhouse, muffled chaotic chattering, raised voices and rushing footsteps. As you ascend the steps of the front porch, Rhaena bursts through the door.

“Thank God you’re back,” she says; there is blood on her hands. “It’s Jace, he…he…come look at him. Aemond, you have to do something. He’s sick, he’s really sick. He’s bleeding.”

“From where?” Aemond asks, urgent, bewildered.

“From everywhere,” Rhaena replies, and beckons for him to follow.

The bedsheets Jace is swathed in are blooming with crimson, flowers of doomed gore. Blood drips from his nostrils and his eyes; when he retches into the popcorn bucket, clots of pink and red spew out. Everyone is gathered around him and speaking at the same time, except Helaena. She is crouched on the floor of the hallway just outside his room, her arms wrapped around her bent knees and her face stricken. Ice curls up beside her.

Above the other voices, Baela screams at Aemond, a desperate horrified moan: “What’s wrong with him?!”

Aemond pushes by the others and feels Jace’s forehead, then grabs his wrist to measure his pulse. As Aemond’s fingers tighten, Jace’s skin rips beneath them, the top layer sliding off and leaving only glistening, raw pink. Jace howls, tears of blood streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t know,” Aemond says, his voice unsteady.

“What the fuck do you mean you don’t know?!” Baela shouts back. “You’re a doctor! Fix him!”

“It hurts, Aemond,” Jace gasps, fresh blood on his teeth. When Baela touches his hair, locks of it fall out into her hand.

“He’s turning, right?” Rio says to you. “This is what happened to Snowflake, the blood and the skin and everything—?”

“He wasn’t bitten!” Luke insists, positioned in front of Jace’s bed as if he’s guarding it.

“I don’t care if we can’t find a bite mark, he’s decomposing for Christ’s sake, what the fuck else could it be?!”

Daeron returns with more blankets and towels. Aegon grabs a strawberry Pedialyte out of Rio’s grasp and tries to help Jace drink it. Cregan is muttering: “I ain’t never seen anything like this…”

Decomposing, you think dizzily. He wasn’t bitten, but he’s falling apart…what else does that to a person?

Baela cleans blood from his lips, a towel turning from snow to rubies. “Jace, baby, it’s going to be okay, we’re going to help you…”

“Could it be rat poison or something?” Cregan is saying. “Rabies? Mad cow disease? Ebola?”

“How the fuck do you think he got Ebola?!” Aemond exclaims. “You think he took a jet to sub-Saharan Africa when he was on his own? Use your brain.”

“I’m just trying to come up with ideas here, doc, and I don’t see you with any bright ones!”

He’s decomposing. He’s decomposing.

And then you remember. You kneel down beside the bed so you can look into his face, so you can make him pay attention. “Jace, listen to me.”

“I’m listening,” he replies faintly. He coughs, wet and gurgling. Fresh blood paints his lips. There are blisters beginning to form up and down his arms, you see now, the skin bubbling and separating.

“Jace, do you remember Three Mile Island?”

“What the fuck.” He is baffled, dismissive. “Three Mile what? Huh? What are you talking about…?”

“You’re upsetting him,” Baela says fiercely, tears glittering in her eyes.

But you are determined. “Outside of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, after we left Fort Indiantown Gap. There were these huge concrete cooling towers. We saw them from the Wawa parking lot.” But he wasn’t there when we talked about radiation. He was still inside searching for guns. “Remember, Jace? Do you remember?”

Now Aemond and Rio are looking at you, petrified, realizing what you must be thinking. No one else understands yet. After a long pause, Jace nods feebly. “Yeah. I remember the towers.”

“Good,” you say, smiling to encourage him. “Okay, this is important. After we lost you at the river, before you found us again, did you see anywhere that looked like Three Mile Island?”

“Yeah,” Jace murmurs as he stares back at you with glazed, bloody eyes; and Rio sighs and shakes his head. “I drove right by it on the Honda. The sign said Byron.”

And it’s been over for him since that moment.

“Alright, Jace.” You want to touch him, to embrace him or cup his cheek. You know it will only make his suffering worse. “Thank you. That’s all I wanted to ask.” He begins to gag again, and Baela hurries to place the popcorn bucket so it can catch his liquefying organs. You turn around and walk through the doorway.

“What’s happening?” Aegon asks you, hushed voice, frantic eyes. He has followed you to the living room, along with Aemond, Rio, and Cregan. You nod to Aemond. He knows.

“It’s radiation sickness,” Aemond says, low and bleak.

“What?!” Aegon gapes at him. “I mean, are you sure…?”

“It fits all the symptoms. He was in close proximity to a nuclear power plant, something the rest of us have intentionally avoided. If there was a meltdown, there are miles and miles that are poisoned with radiation. Passing by on a motorcycle could definitely result in a lethal dose.”

“Poor guy,” Rio says. “Not a good way to go.”

“No,” you agree. It isn’t.

“So how do you treat something like that?” Cregan asks Aemond.

“It can’t be treated,” Aemond replies tersely. “Not here, not by me, not by anyone. Not even if the world was normal again.”

“What do you mean it can’t be treated?! Everything can be treated nowadays! Cancer, heart attacks, diabetes, hell, my cousin got testicular cancer and he was fine a month later, he even got to keep one of his balls!”

“Radiation sickness can’t be treated. He’s going to die.”

“But how is that possible when—?!”

“I need you to try to not be stupid for five minutes,” Aemond snaps.

You say quietly: “He’s not stupid, Aemond. He just doesn’t know about this.”

“You are always defending him.”

“Because not going to med school isn’t a character flaw.”

Cregan asks mildly, looking at Aemond: “Could you explain it to me?”

“It’s pennies in a jar, man,” Rio says. “Radiation stacks up and at a certain point it kills you. It destroys your DNA and your body falls apart. You can get it just by going near someplace contaminated, and you might not even feel it happen. And there’s no way to undo the damage. The pennies never leave the jar.”

Cregan raises an eyebrow at Aemond. “Was that so difficult?”

Aemond ignores him. “We have to tell Jace,” he says instead.

Back in the bedroom—a mineral stench in the air, coppery blood and the salt of sweat—Aegon sits on the edge of the bed and takes one of Jace’s swelling, blistering hands carefully in his own.

“Don’t hold my hand, you loser.” Jace mumbles, and Aegon respectfully releases him.

“Jace,” Aegon begins. “We think you have radiation sickness.”

Jace blinks up at him, wincing and disoriented. “Which means…?”

“Which means, um, it’s going to be…not great.”

“Why are you the person explaining this?”

“You’re right, I really shouldn’t be explaining it. Can someone else explain it…?” Aegon glances around hopefully.

“Jace,” Aemond says. “Those cooling towers you drove by were part of a nuclear power plant that melted down when the power grid collapsed. You received a fatal dose of radiation. It’s the only thing that explains what’s happening to you.”

“Fatal…?” Daeron ventures.

Rhaena gasps and reaches for Luke. Baela’s face is a mask of numb shock. Jace stares up at Aemond for a long time before he speaks. “Aemond, fix me.”

Aemond’s words are brittle and fracturing. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Stop fucking around, man, you’re a doctor. You can fix me. I know you can. You’re a genius. You’re a total freak but you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. Give me the pills, give me the shots. Cut me open if you have to. I won’t scream, I promise. Fix me. I trust you.”

“Jace, I can’t do anything. No one can.”

“I have to meet the baby, Aemond,” Jace whispers, scarlet tears bleeding down his cheeks. “I have to be here for Baela and Luke. Fix me, man. I’ll do anything you tell me to.”

“Jace,” Aemond says, his voice breaking. “I’m so sorry. I can’t help you.”

Jace looks to Baela, Luke, Rhaena, and at last back to Aemond. “How long?”

“Not very. A few days, maybe.”

“Days?” he echoes, dazed. “What happens?”

Aemond shakes his head. You don’t want to know.

“Yeah I do. Tell me.”

Aemond can’t respond; clear silent tears snake down the right side of his face. Rio answers for him. “You continue to bleed out of every orifice and the rest of your skin falls off. And eventually you die.”

Jace breaks down in sobs. “I was trying to find you guys.”

Suddenly, Baela turns to you and Rio and Aemond, wrathful, hissing. “This is your fault.”

Aemond pleads: “Baela, please don’t—”

“You made me leave him at the river. I knew he was still alive, but you forced me to leave him. If he’d been with us, this never would have happened. But he was alone, and it was because of you. You did this to him. You stole him from me.”

Rhaena tries to console her. “Baela, no one meant to—”

“I just got him back!” she screams, and then shelters Jace in her arms as he clings to her, the skin of his fingers and palms flaking at the pressure, holding onto her anyway. No one knows what to say; everyone has tears burning in their eyes and embers in their throats. “Get out,” Baela demands. “Leave us alone. This is the last time I’ll ever have with him and it’s your fucking fault. So get out.”

And you leave them to their final moments, failing flesh in a dying world.

~~~~~~~~~~

Only Luke and Rhaena flit in and out of the bedroom, carrying soiled linens and the plastic popcorn bucket to be periodically emptied. The rest of you are engrossed in a grim, thunderstruck deathwatch in the living room. You discuss the inevitable in hushed murmurs. It is cruel to let Jace suffer; it is unspeakably horrible to let Baela witness it. Ice alternates between receiving scratches from Cregan, Helaena, and Aegon, never trying to enter Jace’s room. You can hear Jace and Baela talking in there, his retching and groaning, her sobs.

It is not until dusk that Rhaena summons Aemond. Luke is weeping as he paces back and forth in the bedroom. Baela is still sitting on the bed with Jace, resigned now. She does not apologize, but she doesn’t have any more venom to spit either. The rest of you watch from the hallway, keeping a respectful distance. Ice nudges your hand with her nose, but you ignore her. Jace’s bloody eyes roll to Aemond.

“I’m keeping you here, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” Aemond replies. There’s no point in lying.

“And I don’t need to feel myself melting like this for days. I get the idea.” Jace looks at Aemond for a while. His voice is anemic but calm; there are fresh blisters on his face and neck. “What can you give me?”

Aemond opens his medical kit and shows Jace the vial of morphine. “I found this at the pharmacy today. It would be painless, like going to sleep and never waking up.”

“Why do you have that?”

“I was thinking a small amount might help Baela during labor.”

“Is it the only morphine in your kit?”

“Yes.”

Jace nods. “Save it for Baela.” His gaze drops to the Glock in the holster at Aemond’s waist. “Can I borrow that?”

Rhaena stifles a dismayed yelp. Baela closes her eyes, but does not protest. Aemond says: “I don’t think you want to do this.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Cyclops,” Jace says, smiling. “I’ll be quick, I promise.”

“It’s heavy,” Aemond warns. He clicks off the safety and gives the Glock to Jace. “Are you able to use it by yourself?”

“It’s a very simple two-step process. Barrel to skull, finger on the trigger. I think I’ll manage.”

Again, Ice bumps her nose against your knuckles; again, you barely notice. Baela kisses Jace on the mouth, her lips coming away bloody. Rhaena says goodbye to him, then Luke, whispered parting words you don’t try to listen to. Before Aemond exits, Jace grasps his hand.

“Take care of my family, Aemond.”

“I will.”

“Don’t let the zombies eat me afterwards.”

And then it becomes real. Aemond’s composure falters. “Jace…I’m so sorry…”

“Go,” Jace urges him. Then there is a coughing fit, fresh blood and pieces of stomach and lungs. “Right now. Before I lose my nerve.”

Baela is the last one to leave the bedroom; she shuts the door behind her. Almost immediately afterwards is a deafening bang. Baela sinks to the floor and wails, one hand on her belly, the other embracing Rhaena and Luke when they rush to her. Ice is whining and pawing at the floor, her nails screeching on the hardwood. Aemond alone returns to Jace’s bedroom and reappears with his Glock. He places it back in his holster, his scarred face vacant. There’s blood on his fingers, you see. Jace’s blood, the last he’ll ever shed. Aemond hasn’t noticed yet.

You reach for Aemond’s hand; he flinches away. You ask him, pained: “Do you think if you don’t touch me, it won’t hurt you when I die?”

“Please don’t say that,” Aemond responds in a hoarse, splintering whisper.

Ice yowls, and Cregan is abruptly aware of her. “Oh shit, the Tahoe is still up on the jack. I’ll go get it.” He opens the front door. Under the moonlight, there are upwards of a hundred zombies stumbling down the long gravel driveway. Everyone begins screaming. Cregan slams the door shut and shoves one of the couches in front of it. “What now?!”

“We go through the cornfield,” Aemond says as you are all frantically gathering your sparse possessions. “It will be more difficult for them to see us. We kill as many as we can and we make our way to the Tahoe. Cregan, how long will it take you to get it ready to drive?”

“Maybe a minute. But I’ll need someone to spot me while I tighten the lug nuts.”

“Sounds like my kind of job opportunity,” Rio says, pumping his Remington. Helaena gives you a flashlight. Cregan secures the lug wrench under his belt and picks up his axe. Rhaena has her Ruger out and is telling Baela to breathe, to stay focused, to let her and Luke lead the way.

Aemond comes to you and leans in close so the others can’t hear. “How many bullets do you have left?”

“Not enough. Maybe fifty.”

“Do what you can. Stay near Rio.”

“I’ll try.”

Now there are zombies at the front windows, beating their spongy swamp-colored palms against the glass. Baela, Rhaena, and Luke are leaving through the back door with Daeron; you can hear the whizzing of his arrows and the sick soft sound they make when they pierce rotting meat. Under the weight of so many hands, one of the living room windows pops from its frame and clatters against the floor. You open fire, bullets exploding skulls and spraying brains, corpses jolting and then diving to the ground. You shoot until both M9s are empty, then pause to reload, boxes of bullets that Cregan gave you back in Iowa.

“Let them in,” Helaena says.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” Aegon shouts at her. He’s firing his Marlin .22 beside you, quite poorly; Rio and Aemond are in the backyard killing any zombies that find their way towards the cornfield. “We’re not letting them get through the house!”

“Not through,” Helaena says placidly. “In.”

“Oh.” Aegon understands. “Oh! I get it! Trap them inside!” He races to the kitchen and tears the remaining bottles of Grey Goose vodka out of the cabinet, then begins spilling them onto the wood floor. “Helaena, give me a lighter.”

She places one in his outstretched palm and then leaves with Cregan as he escorts her away, leading her by her fragile hand. They vanish together into the cornfield, Ice on their heels.

“Time to go, Chips!” Rio booms; he can’t be far behind Cregan.

“We’re on our way!”

Zombies are pouring through the front of the house; another window has given way. You pull the trigger over and over again as you move with Aegon towards the backyard, his clear river of vodka drawing a path from one end of the house to the other. You hit the grass before he does, then wait for him by the edge of the cornfield. Aemond and Rio are shouting for Aegon to hurry up. He crosses through the threshold, flicks the lighter to life, and throws it into the house. His plan works—the farmhouse is abruptly aflame, cooking zombies like long-spoiled hams—but he neglected to realize that in his haste, he had also accidentally doused his own left leg and Sperry Bahama sneaker. The fire licks up over Aegon’s skin and blazes there radiantly. He shrieks and falls to the ground. Rio yanks his own shirt off and uses it to smother the inferno, then throws Aegon over one shoulder to carry him.

“Go to Cregan!” Rio tells Aemond, shoving him in the direction of the Tahoe. Rio will be slower now, but no one else could still run with Aegon’s added weight. “You and Daeron spot him until I get there!” When Aemond is gone, Rio glances back at you.

“I’m fine,” you say, felling zombies as they round the house. “Get Aegon to the car!” And Rio listens to you like he always does, vanishing with Aegon through the cornfield.

You weave through the leafy stalks, investigating each growl and rustling with the beam of your flashlight. Grotesque, fetid faces plunge through the greenery, and you demolish them. You’re in the rhythm now, wheeling for a target and locking in, squeezing the trigger and watching ghoulish faces disappear. And then you spy a zombie lurching towards you from fifteen feet away, a twenty-something in a red Nebraska Cornhuskers t-shirt making her way down the dirt aisle between two rows of corn; and when you pull the trigger, there is only a dry click in reply. Your other M9 is already empty. You’ve used all the ammo Cregan gave you.

“I’m out of bullets,” you say, but no one hears you; you are alone. Aemond always told you to stay near Rio and you never did. Too late, you realize what an oversight that has been. “Rio? Aemond?!”

There are human voices and gunshots, but reverberating from a distance. Far closer are snarls and groans of the dead. You click off your flashlight, drop to the earth, and crawl until you are as far under a row of corn as you can be, long leaves tickling the back of your neck and damp soil in your nostrils. Clumsy, lumbering footsteps trod by you. From the road, you hear the Tahoe’s engine start with a rumble.

They’re leaving.

You shake your head, here with no one to see you in the dark. Still, the thought persists.

They’re leaving. I left my family and now my family is leaving me.

“Chips, stay where you are!” Rio shouts. “We’re coming back, we’ll find you!”

You wait until they are within ten feet of you, Rio cracking skulls with his Remington—he must be out of bullets too—and Aemond firing his Glock. “I’m here, I’m here!” you cry, and they are lifting you up from the dirt and dragging you towards Tahoe, and Aemond puts his pistol in your hand knowing you can do more good with it. You fire ten rounds before the Glock is empty, and you think with terror: Do any of us have bullets left?

Then you are being helped into the Tahoe, and the second all the doors are shut Rhaena floors the gas pedal, heading west on State Route 92.

~~~~~~~~~~

“I got my drugs after all,” Aegon rasps as Aemond injects him with morphine on the floor of a laundromat on the edge of Merna, Nebraska, far enough to escape the zombies, not so far that the Tahoe risks running out of gas before you reach the next town. His left leg is burned from the knee down, and burned badly: skin, fat, muscle, blood-red scorched ruin. Even through the modest dose of morphine—Aemond is terrified of accidentally killing him—Aegon can still feel what has happened to him. He knows it’s bad. He knows it could be the last mistake he ever makes. “I’m so thirsty…”

“I got you, Honey Bun,” Rio says, and then uses the butt of his Remington to bust open the vending machines and bring him bottles of Powerade. Baela is sobbing in the corner with Luke and Rhaena. Helaena is shining a flashlight on Aegon’s leg so Aemond can see. Daeron and Cregan are keeping watch by the entrance. You don’t even know why. All the bullets and arrows are gone, Aegon can’t walk, the Tahoe’s gas tank is nearly drained. If you are descended upon now, what will you do?

Aegon sobs and clutches for you, links his arms around your waist, rests his head in your lap. You hold him and comb your fingers through his unruly hair over and over again, like a compulsion, like a ritual. You are so afraid to let go of him. You are terrified he’ll disappear.

I wish I knew what to say. I never know what to say.

He’s shaking uncontrollably as Aemond cleans his leg: peeling away dead skin, wiping down the raw flesh with disinfectant. Aegon’s eyes are wide and glassy. There is blood on the white tile floor, pinkish lymph fluid, bits of charred skin. Ice is whimpering, her muzzle propped on her paws and her eyes darting around the room. Aegon manages through the pain, a reedy, gasping whisper: “Tell me about all those places you went when you were in the Navy.”

You can see it like the miles-deep blue of his eyes: the Indian Ocean, the jewel-tone equatorial sky. “On Diego Garcia, they have these birds called red-footed boobies—”

Aegon barks out a weak laugh. “They do not. You’re making that up.”

“No, really, I swear! They’re like seagulls, but they have blue on their face and bright red feet, hence the name. They’re extremely stupid, and one night a few of us were hanging out drinking Guinness and playing pool, and a booby flew in through an open window. We panicked, it panicked, and then it was flying in circles and couldn’t get out. We opened all the doors and windows, and the booby still just flew around banging into the walls. And of course the whole time it was shitting and bleeding and getting feathers everywhere, we knew it was going to take hours to clean up. After thirty minutes of chasing this idiot bird around, Rio snapped, took off his boot, and smacked the booby with it. He was trying to fling it out the window, like hitting a tennis ball with a racket, but he accidentally hit the bird too hard and murdered it. Its beak literally separated from its body and flew across the room. None of us could believe it, we didn’t even know that was possible. Rio felt so bad he started crying. We took the booby—and its beak, of course—out to the beach for a Viking funeral. We made it a little raft of coconut tree leaves, set it on fire with a lighter, and pushed it out into the waves.”

Aegon is cackling. “Bryan Osorio, terrorizer of the homicidal undead and boobies!”

“What else?” Baela says, and you look over at her, startled. The flashlight incandescence turns you all to ghosts, phantoms, half-shadows. At first you don’t know what she means. “What else did they have on Diego Garcia?”

“Oh, tell them about the coconut crabs,” Rio prompts you. He’s settled down beside Aegon and is resting one broad hand on his trembling shoulder.

“Coconut crabs?” Rhaena asks you, wiping tears from her cheeks with her delicate, small-boned fingers.

You are abruptly aware that you have an audience. You can feel yourself shrinking beneath their gazes. “Rio should tell the story. I’m not good at it.”

“Sure you are,” Rio says, smiling kindly beneath dark, wet eyes. “Go on. Tell them.”

So you do.

[swifty-fox]

does Outlaw John ever take Outlaw Gale on a proper date? #mushhhhy

still circling my brain

John was a horrible liar when it didn't count.

Vibrating with a secret like a young dog asked to sit still, tapping his fingers over the nearest surface and grinning in quick eager flashes rather than a sustained joy. He held a secret like one held a hot coal, bouncing it between his palms and hopping from foot to foot with frenetic energy. It practically rolled off of him, the anticipation and excitement.

It didn't take Gale long to pick up on the tells, which lead him to thwarting John at every turn by guess. When he found Gale's favorite flavor of twizzlers he kept patting his pocket where the candy lay hidden. When he'd shoplifted an expensive brand of shampoo Gale had once mentioned he enjoyed his snapping blue gaze kept drifting to the bag by Gale's feet. When he found a handkerchief that perfectly matched Gale's eyes the other man kept adjusting the backpack so often Gale had simply fished around for the prize himself, deaf to John's protests.

To combat this weakness, John had taken to going exceptionally quiet and disengaged when hiding a secret from Gale. It was such a distinct difference from his normal behavior that the effort was entirely for nothing.

So when Gale slides into the passenger seat, two slushies in his arms - Blue and Cherry for John, Cola flavored for Gale - and sees the other man folding a paper with forced causality and looking out the windshield with exaggerated causality Gale just fixes him with a narrowed look.

"Gas is paid for," he says, and John grunts which has Gale biting the insides of his lips against a smile.

John pulls out of the gas station, graciously left unrobbed aside from the lollipop and handful of pixie stix burning a hole in Gale's pocket, and a new lighter for John, and a couple of bottles of coke, and a few slim jims, and -

Well. There wasn't a gun involved.

Gale gives him five minutes to break and when that's not enough begins casually casting his eyes around the inside of the car, tugging down the mirror and toeing the backpack at his feet.

"Don't," John says, "you're not-"

"I always do," Gale drawls.

"Stop."

"So just give it to me then."

"You're not gonna find it."

Gale leans his head back against the headrest and closes his eyes, settling like he might fall asleep, "Alright then."

Unlike John, Gale is very good at bluffing. He hears John huff and then fiddle with the radio. Drum his fingers on the steering wheel ina quick vibration tap against the worn leather. Rolls down the window . Fiddles with the crotchety radio again and starts singing along Hendrix's Hey Joe.

Hey, Joe, Where you gonna run to now? Where you gonna run to?

"Is it a new radio?"

"Fuck you the radio is fine and no quit trying to figure it out. I've got you beat this time."

"Okay."

Tap Tap Tap. John switches the radio again, switches it back to Hendrix and blows a puff of hair through his lips.

"It's not a thing."

"I thought we weren't guessing."

John leans over and pokes him, catches Gale's hand and presses a kissto his knuckles, "We're not. I'm just telling you. So you can stop pretending to nap to try to get me to break. I'm not breaking."

Biting back another smile Gale opens his eyes again and sits up, crossing his legs up on the seat.

"I could break you," He said simply, drawing his braid over his shoulder and unraveling it absently.

---------------------

To his credit, John keeps his secret under wraps and though he peppers Gale with constant inane topics to avoid spilling his guts, it's really not much different than a John who's slammed twelve redbulls with the goal of staying awake long enough to get across all of Montana.

He'd been violently ill in a bush four hours in and Gale bit back his 'i told you so' with saint-like dedication.

Gale has spent the last forty-five minutes dozing as the sun slides down behind the horizon, answering John's yammering with hums and vague responses, and the feeling of the car stopping jolts him back to wakefulness. He'd left his hair unbound and the sweaty strands stick to the back of his neck as he sits up and looks around. Frowns

"I'm not camping in an abandoned fairground Bucky."

"This isn't Killer Klowns, relax."

Gale watches John shoulder a backpack, rapping one large hand on the roof of the car, before beginning to scale the padlocked gates.

Dropping his head back against the seat, Gale mutters a quick curse to the tan ceiling and unbuckles himself with vehemence, letting the metal buckle thwap against the door and slipping out the open window.

"I'm not saving you if you get stabbed, John," He calls while braced against the roof of the car.

John waves him off, dust clouding around his sneakers as he lands on the other side of the gates. Muttering under his breath, Gale follows him, nearly stumbles on the other side but recovers quickly and pops a stick of gum in his mouth to get rid of the 'slept in a car all day' funk at the back of his teeth.

The fairground isn't just closed, but abandoned. Skeletons of ten frames and grooves in the dirt where rides had once sat like ugly sleeping beasts. A ticket booth half smashed to bits and covered in grafitti, strewn bits of ribbons and muddy stuffed animals and booths that were once brightly colored but had long since faded under the years of sun.

It sets Gale's skin crawling and he almost hesitates to follow John between two booths.

"Would you quit being a fucking loon, John," He calls.

"Quit being a scaredy-cat Buck. Or do you not want your surprise?"

Muttering once again, he follows after him and into a half-crumbling building that probably should have been knocked down long ago. The entire thing seemed to be leaning to one side, with half the windows boarded up and the other so eaten over by kudzu there's no telling the color of the paint underneath.

Their footsteps echo inside and John pauses at the shadowed ticketline, reaching into the booth to snag a ring of dusty keys off the hook. Taking his cap off to run a hand through his sweaty hair and then placing it on backwards, he unlocks the mesh gates and shoves them open with a grunt.

He reaches back a hand without even bothering to check Gale's feelings on the matter and he scowls at the other man but take his hand anyway. Tries not to give into the fondness as John squeezes his fingers just slightly and offers him a guileless smile.

"Trust me Buck, you're gonna love it."

"I love twizzlers and the open sky and non-creepy fairgrounds with lots of people."

"You're gonna love it," John insists, dragging him down the hallway with a cheerful whistle.

Gale loves him, more than a lot and well past the point that felt scary. Felt like something that might fuck him up forever.

It's dark enough Gale can only see the vague silhouette of John in front of him but the other man seems to know where he's going because he ventures forward without hesitating until they come to an open circular room.

By the stains on the ground there might have once been tables and chairs, but now the space was empty. John drops his hand after another quick kiss to the knuckles and sets about tugging out a rolled up blanket from the backpack, spreading it out on the floor in a puff of dust. Gale watches with some degree of bemusement as John sets up several white chunky candles, like the kind they use in Christmas displays, lighting them with a jacked lighter, the flame stinging Gale's eyes with its over-the-top brightness in the gloom.

"Sit," John says, hissing and shaking his hand as the fire catches his thumb.

Gale eyes him suspiciously for moments more then slowly folds himself cross-legged onto the blanket, pulling his hair over one shoulder and finger-combing it as he looks around.

"How'd you find this place?"

"Partied here once a few years ago. Puked right in that corner," John points.

"You're ridiculously charming," Gale says dryly. John's face crinkles into a smile and it does something painful to Gale's chest so he looks up instead, curious to see how high the ceiling went. Catches his breath.

At some point, either for the attraction this building had once been or by a wandering artist looking for a safe place to spray his craft, someone had mapped out a detailed illustration of the cosmos. It sprawled across the entire spanse of the ceiling, disappearing into shadow and glittering where someone has stuck bits of gold and silver foil to the center points of stars. They winked and shone in the candlelight, like tiny rapid heartbeats.

"You wanna say that again but with sincerity this time?" John teases softly. Gale can hear the grin on his voice.

Gale looks down to find him pulling out a bottle of lukewarm wine he'd swiped last week without explaining to Gale why, a couple packets of lunchables and dunkaroos and two cheap McDonalds prize glasses.

"Is this a goddamn date?"

John grins at him again, popping the cork on the ten dollar bottle, "Surprise Buck."

yeah he do

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

015 of 2023

Your protein: pork steak lamb chops hamburgers vegan burgers chicken nuggets chicken fingers tuna shrimp salmon oyster crab lasagne ravioli chicken soup

beef jerky slim jims bacon spam buffalo wings sausage ham turkey meat balls

Your dairy: milk soy milk skim milk raw egg boiled egg sunny-side eggs scrambled eggs cottage cheese cheddar cheese mozzarella cheese swiss cheese blue cheese cream cheese plain yogurt

Your vegetables and fruits: mushrooms tomatoes pickles olives carrots raw onion broccoli cauliflower green beans string beans peas black beans celery leek artichoke lima beans bell pepper asparagus spinach seaweed avocado eggplant zucchini corn cucumber squash/pumpkin/yam garlic ginger peanuts almonds sunflower seeds raisins bananas apples pears grapes oranges tangerines peach blueberries raspberries blackberries strawberries lemons pineapples coconuts apricot cherries plums cranberry kiwi watermelon melon pomegranate grapefruit lime guava mango papaya

Your starch: French fries baked potato scalop potato mashed potato fried rice white rice bagel white bread whole grain bread French bread corn bread sourdough pancakes spaghetti macaroni & cheese oatmeal

Condiments: wasabi soy sauce cranberry sauce marmalade grape jam strawberry jam ketchup mustard relish mayonnaise whipped cream honey mustard sauce Tabasco salt ranch gravy caramel peanut butter salsa pepper honey maple syrup hummus butterscotch marshmallows icing

Junk food: cheetos sour cream and onion chips barbeque chips vinegar chips wheat thins graham crackers saltine crackers cheez-its ritz tortilla chips Lunchables Milano cookies Twinkies popcorn fruit roll ups donuts ice cream sandwiches Poptarts pretzels Girl Scout cookies Oreos Nutter Butter Fig Newtons Jell-O rice crispy treats

Cereals: Cocoa Puffs Cocoa Pebbles Fruit Loops Cinnamon Toast Crunch Frosted Flakes Raisin Bran Apple Jacks Corn Flakes Cookie Crisp Cap’n Crunch Lucky Charms Cheerios

Dessert: brownies muffins cinnamon rolls cheesecake donuts chocolate fondue pudding apple pie pumpkin bread pumpkin pie chocolate chip cookies sugar cookies gingerbread cookies biscotti fortune cookies shortbread cookies oatmeal cookies Angel food cake carrot cake cupcakes fruit cake cream puffs flan custard Meringue sorbet s’mores

Asian: ramen cup noodle sushi miso soup kimchi teriyaki eggrolls orange chicken

Fast food and restaurants: McDonald’s Carl’s Jr Taco Bell Panda Express Jack-in-the-box In-n-out Chick-Fil-A La Salsa Dairy Queen Baskin Robbin’s Pizza Hut Papa John’s Roundtable Domino’s Johnny Rocket’s Cho-cho San’s Hot Dog On A Stick Coldstone California Pizza Kitchen Red Robin Ruby Tuesdays Chili’s Wendy’s Burger King Kentucky Fried Chicken Subway Tommy’s The Cheesecake Factory Arby’s Quiznos El Pollo Loco TGIF Applebee’s Wienerschnitzel IHOP Islands White Castle Togo’s Sonic Popeyes Orange Julius Jamba Juice Coffee Bean Starbucks Del Taco Chuck E. Cheese Baja Fresh Macaroni Grill

Candy: Red Vines M&M’s Snickers Hershey’s kisses Kissables Kit-Kat Nerds Junior Mints Twizzlers Tootsie Rolls Jelly beans Swedish Fish Skittles Starburst 100 grand 3 Musketeers Airheads Almond Joy Baby Bottle Pops Baby Ruth bottle caps Butterfinger Reese’s Cup Fast Break Twix cotton candy chocolate coins Dots Hot Tamales jaw breakers Jolly Ranchers Laffy Taffy Lemonheads lifesavers Mike & Ike Milkduds Milky way Mr. Goodbar Nestle’s crunch Payday pixie sticks pop rocks Push Up pops Runts Smarties Snow Caps Sugardaddy Sweet Tarts Tic-Tacs York Peppermint Patties Warheads

Non-alcoholic drinks: Rootbeer Lemonade Orange juice Grape juice Capri Sun Coke Diet Coke Diet Pepsi Pepsi 7up Sprite Mountain Dew Hawaiian Punch Dr. Pepper Apple juice hot cocoa Kool-Aid cappuccinos frappuccinos lattes espresso energy drinks Vanilla Coke Cherry Coke Fanta Arizona Green Tea Squirt Gatorade Iced tea Green tea Chamomile tea White tea Oolong tea Jasmine tea Chai tea Snapple apple cider

Alcoholic drinks: Wine Sake Shochu Vodka Bourbon whisky Irish whisky Canadian whisky Bloody Mary Rum Absolut Brandy Scotch Cognac Tequila Gin Wine cooler Smirnoff Marc Sidecar Tonic Pina Colada Martini Alabama Slammer Daiquiri Margarita Cape Cod Flying Horse Kamikaze Screwdriver Rusty Nail Cajun Strawberry Soda Mimosa Champagne Cascade Fosters Sam Adams Budweiser Coors Harpoon Milwaukee’s Bes

[von-eldritch]

@chainsaw-to-the-heart​ said: Munday meme: Top three best snacks?

Ask me stuff

//1. Slim jims, which is probably controversial but lemme have my dubious taste in peace 2. Chile Limon chips. Also just spicy chips in general. Except hot cheetos, fuck those. 3. Kettle corn. Enough said.

Honorable mentions though are twizzlers (they taste like plastic but my gremlin ass likes that), carnival popcorn (but specifically carnival popcorn), trader joe’s cinnamon alphabet cookies (I use them to spell bad words because ofc I do), and costco’s pub mix

[ipostmyhyperfixationsnshit]

Slim jims look like baked twizzlers for some reason

Do not insult the slim jims 😠 /j

They're real good though

I WILL BE INSULTING THE SLIM JIMS

LOOK AT THIS.

THEY LOOKS LIKE THE TYPE SHIT YOU PULL OUT FOR YOUR DOG AFTER A WALK.

HOW CAN YOU GET BEHIND THIS?? THEY'RE SO GREASY..

..oh wait yeah, you guys love grease a significant amount.

GOD you guys scare the living SHIZAH out of me.

/silly

[quizzzically]

yall fuckin with me i thought twizzlers were savoury and slim jims were sweet

[spacepanda7]

Modern Freedom Fighters AU idea: The story begins. Everything is going as you would expect a modern AU of the Freedom Fighters to go. They live in a city, homeless. They steal from rich citizens and help out their fellow poor. Longshot is a sniper. Smellerbee prefers her switchblade. Jet is chewing on an unlit cigarette, Augustus Waters style.

The next day, the cigarette is lit. The day after, it progresses to a cigar. The day after that, a curved pipe, grandpa-style. Each day, there is something different.

The days pass. Jet's chewing object changes every day. At first they're vaguely normal. Expected. He goes through a toothpick, a used (presumably by him. They hope anyway.) popsicle stick, a drinking straw, a single chopstick, a pair of chopsticks, a plastic spoon, fork, and knife. The Freedom Fighters think he has run out of disposable cutlery. The next day, Jet shows up with a plastic spork.

Jet appears to transition into his edible chewing object phase. Candy cane, pixie stick, fun dip, tootsie roll, twizzler, licorice, lollipop. Out of edibles that are traditionally chewed and sucked on, he uses french fries, green onions, mint leaves, carrot sticks. One day, he has a Slim Jim. The life begins to drain out of the Freedom Fighters' eyes.

The Freedom Fighters thought random food items were bad. It gets worse. A pen, a pencil, a woodless pencil ("That can't be good for his health," a worried Smellerbee whispers to Longshot. Longshot shrugs. By now he has given upon trying to reason with Jet.), a crayon, a letter opener. On the letter opener day, a second rate gangster tries to start something with Jet. Casually Jet removes the shining, sharp letter opener from its sheath he'd been chewing on. Sneers still doesn't know whether the wannabe tough guy retreated out of terror of the letter opener and Jet's ability to wield it or out of confusion and concern for Jet's sanity.

Jet shows up with a cigar. The Freedom Fighters release a sigh of relief. He's going back to normal then. Midway through their meeting, he bites off the end of the cigar, chews it and swallows it. The Freedom Fighters exchange glances of confusion, concern, and alarm. Smellerbee ventures, "Jet, that's probably not great for your health." Jet shows her the bitten off end of the cigar. It's made of chocolate.

Jet comes in with a colorful plastic rod. The Freedom Fighters are unable to identify it. Finally, The Duke hazards a guess. "Jet," he says. "Is that a toothbrush?" Jet winks at him. "Here among the Freedom Fighters," he replies. "We support a good dental hygiene. Always brush your teeth twice a day." Without missing a beat, he goes back to his discussion of their next heist. The Freedom Fighters do not bother to make further comments.

Can it get worse, they wonder. It can. Incense stick, twig, sunflower stem (with the sunflower still attached), pipe cleaner, paintbrush, stylus, knitting needle, crochet needle, child's fairy costume magic wand (complete with a star at the end), birthday candle. One day, it is a feather. Did he buy it? Did he pluck it from a bird? If so, is the bird still alive? Will Jet die of bird flu? There are no answers, only more questions.

Finally, one day, he has an oblong metal object. It vaguely resembles a pen. "Is that a vape?" Smellerbee asks Longshot who shrugs. They dare to hope. Maybe he has found something permanent. With all the flavors vapes come in, surely his need to always have something different in his mouth will be satisfied.

The day's meeting begins. Jet is gesturing to a map of the city. Pipsqueak asks a clarifying question about location. Without missing a beat, Jet pulls his possible-vape out of his mouth and turns it on. It's a laser pointer.

Smellerbee walks out. She's retiring. Today.

[jellypumpkin]

Jamie Oliver is a piece of shit too and I want to remove his kneecaps. The look of defeat on his face when all the children raise their hands gives me great joy.

McDonald's nuggets used to have dark and white meat, until that lying vegan son of a bitch Spurlock made Supersize Me, now they only have white meat, which both increases food waste and results in inferior nuggets.

Supersize Me is what happens when documentaries aren't obliged to be honest and unbiased. 

[candyaislespells]

Gas Station Magic

So in other, pre-pandemic times, I would sometimes drive a long way to visit people. And inevitably, I would end up at a gas station at least once, standing around pre-coffee and wonder what EXACTLY I was going to eat on the way home.

Many gas stations have pretty decent sandwiches, these days.

BUT. If I had my eye on a magical food diet, and was in a gas station, i would probably look at the offerings and think about my goal.

For protection: potato chips, Slim Jims or other packaged meat snacks (salt and meat are protective, as are several of the more common spices used.), cranberry juice or blue raspberry gatorade, almonds or sunflower seeds, hot dogs, pretzels, nachos... you can put together a decent protection diet JUST from the gas station, as long as you supplement with ... you know, fresh veggies too.

For love: chocolates of all kinds, pickles, lemonade or limeade, apples, bananas, twizzlers, milkshakes...

For prosperity: chocolate again, other candy, bananas, almonds, pecans, peanuts and peanut butter, grapes and raisins, tea, peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches, Fig Newtons, pumpkin seeds... remember with money diets to think about getting the most value (whatever that means to you) for your dollar at the gas station. For me, that would mean that even though the PB&J is probably the best nutrition for the money, I would look at getting peanuts, raisins, and plenty of juice or water instead, because eating a peanut butter sandwich while driving feels kind of risky. For someone else, getting the most nutrition is the important thing, and they’d take a break to eat the sandwich. For driving, I tend to focus specifically on what I need to get safely to my destination, which means that I wouldn’t lean into a magical food diet so much as look at things that stimulate the conscious mind, and then make sure that the rest of the things I’m eating don’t actively work against conscious mind foods, and also don’t work against my main goal.

How would that work in practice? Well, if I’ve been working on a prosperity diet, then I’m already eating lots of whole grains, leafy greens, nuts and raisins, and given me, plenty of chocolate. But for a long drive, I want to be sharp, so I’d make sure to concentrate on that: coffee, maybe hazelnut coffee for extra sharpness. I’d makes sure that I had raisins (doing double duty there) and that I wasn’t leaning too hard into any psychic awareness foods. From there, I’d add other nuts, probably potato chips (grounding, protection), something with good protein and available sugar (that PB&J would be perfect if it wasn’t so sticky, maybe I’ll pull over and eat it) and some back-up coffee or tea. And maybe a slim jim, I like the salt.

[purplesurveys]

570

Ahh, my true passion. Glad there’s this survey around.

Food

I crossed out what I’ve never tried before <- Might as well do this. Thanks for the idea, @justsurveys​! :D Will probs bold and italicize the food I love, bold the ones I’ve simply tried at least once and liked, italicize the ones I’ve tried at least once but don’t like all that much, and strikethrough the food I’ve downright never tried before. Lotsa rules, but food surveys don’t come around often and I’m excited for this one lmao. Let’s go.

Food: Your protein

pork steak lamb chops hamburgers vegan burgers chicken nuggets chicken fingers tuna shrimp salmon oyster

crab lasagna ravioli chicken soup beef jerky slim jims bacon spam buffalo wings sausage ham turkey meat balls

Foods: Your dairy

milk soy milk skim milk raw egg boiled egg sunny-side eggs scrambled eggs cottage cheese cheddar cheese mozzarella cheese swiss cheese bleu cheese cream cheese plain yogurt

Foods: Your vegetables and fruits

mushrooms tomatoes pickles olives carrots raw onion broccoli cauliflower green beans string beans peas black beans celery leek artichoke lima beans bell pepper asparagus spinach seaweed avocado eggplant zucchini corn cucumber squash/pumpkin/yam garlic ginger peanuts almonds sunflower seeds raisins bananas apples pears grapes oranges tangerines peach blueberries raspberries blackberries strawberries lemons (Only as a chaser haha. Tastes great when paired with tequila) pineapples coconuts (I only like it as coconut oil for curry) apricot cherries plums cranberry kiwi watermelon melon pomegranate grapefruit lime guava mango papaya

Foods: Your starch

French fries baked potato scalop potato mashed potato fried rice white rice bagel white bread whole grain bread French bread corn bread sourdough pancakes spaghetti macaroni & cheese oatmeal

Foods: Condiments

wasabi soy sauce cranberry sauce marmalade grape jam strawberry jam ketchup mustard relish mayonnaise whipped cream honey mustard sauce Tabasco salt ranch gravy caramel peanut butter salsa pepper honey maple syrup hummus butterscotch marshmallows icing

Foods: Junk food

Ugh, the most American list on this survey. Watch me strikethrough so many items, ha.

cheetos sour cream and onion chips barbeque chips vinegar chips wheat thins graham crackers saltine crackers cheez-its ritz tortilla chips Lunchables Milano cookies Twinkies popcorn fruit roll ups donuts ice cream sandwiches Poptarts pretzels Girl Scout cookies Oreos Nutter Butter Fig Newtons Jell-O rice crispy treats

Surprisingly not a lot of US stuff. Thanks for being inclusive somehow! Hahaha.

Foods: Cereals

Cocoa Puffs Cocoa Pebbles Fruit Loops Cinnamon Toast Crunch Frosted Flakes Raisin Bran Apple Jacks Corn Flakes Cookie Crisp Cap’n Crunch Lucky Charms Cheerios

Ok, I take back my praise. Tbf, most of the cereals I know are American brands + I don’t eat cereals all that much, so it’s not really this survey���s fault lmao.

Foods: Dessert

brownies muffins cinnamon rolls cheesecake donuts chocolate fondue pudding apple pie pumpkin bread pumpkin pie chocolate chip cookies sugar cookies gingerbread cookies biscotti fortune cookies shortbread cookies oatmeal cookies Angel food cake carrot cake cupcakes fruit cake cream puffs flan custard Meringue sorbet s’mores

Foods: Asian

ramen cup noodle sushi miso soup kimchi teriyaki eggrolls orange chicken

...Seriously? 8 items?

Foods: Fast food and restaurants

McDonald’s Carl’s Jr Taco Bell Panda Express Jack-in-the-box In-n-out Chick-Fil-A La Salsa Dairy Queen Baskin Robbin’s Pizza Hut Papa John’s Roundtable Domino’s Johnny Rocket’s Cho-cho San’s Hot Dog On A Stick Coldstone California Pizza Kitchen Red Robin Ruby Tuesdays Chili’s Wendy’s Burger King Kentucky Fried Chicken Subway Tommy’s The Cheesecake Factory Arby’s Quiznos El Pollo Loco TGIF Applebee’s Wienerschnitzel IHOP Islands White Castle Togo’s Sonic Popeyes Orange Julius Jamba Juice Coffee Bean Starbucks Del Taco Chuck E. Cheese Baja Fresh Macaroni Grill

Foods: Candy

Red Vines M&M’s Snickers Hershey’s kisses Kissables Kit-Kat Nerds Junior Mints Twizzlers Tootsie Rolls Jelly beans Swedish Fish Skittles Starburst 100 grand 3 Musketeers Airheads Almond Joy Baby Bottle Pops Baby Ruth bottle caps Butterfinger Reese’s Cup Fast Break Twix cotton candy chocolate coins Dots Hot Tamales jaw breakers Jolly Ranchers Laffy Taffy Lemonheads lifesavers Mike & Ike Milkduds Milky way Mr. Goodbar Nestle’s crunch Payday pixie sticks pop rocks Push Up pops Runts Smarties Snow Caps Sugardaddy Sweet Tarts Tic-Tacs York Peppermint Patties Warheads

Drinks: Non-alcoholic

Rootbeer Lemonade Orange juice Grape juice Capri Sun Coke Diet Coke Diet Pepsi Pepsi 7up Sprite Mountain Dew Hawaiian Punch Dr. Pepper Apple juice hot cocoa Kool-Aid cappuccinos frappuccinos lattes espresso energy drinks Vanilla Coke Cherry Coke Fanta Arizona Green Tea Squirt Gatorade Iced tea Green tea Chamomile tea White tea Oolong tea Jasmine tea Chai tea Snapple apple cider

Drinks: Alcoholic

Wine Sake Shochu Vodka Bourbon whisky Irish whisky Canadian whisky Bloody Mary Rum Absolut Brandy Scotch Cognac Tequila Gin Wine cooler Smirnoff Marc Sidecar Tonic Pina Colada Martini Alabama Slammer Daiquiri Margarita Cape Cod Flying Horse Kamikaze Screwdriver Rusty Nail Cajun Strawberry Soda Mimosa Champagne Cascade Fosters Sam Adams Budweiser Coors Harpoon Milwaukee’s Bes

[chynapayness]

buy me lunch!

$69.00 🥩🥩🧈🥞🥤🥤🍽

TWO TWELVE OUNCE T-BONE STEAKS AND A 8 STACK OF PANCAKES ALL DRIZZLED WITH YELLOW BUTTER AND MAPLE SYRUP AND A LARGE ICE COLD COCA COLA, AMAZING ✨

🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕35$ TWO LARGE PEPPERONI PIZZAS, 6 BREADSTICKS, THREE CUPS OF RANCH AND A LARGE MOUNTAIN DEW HALO EDITION😊mmm im so hungry already 😚💕

🥤🍟🍟🍔20$ DOUBLE DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER WITH EXTRA CHEESE, TWO EXTRA LARGE FRIES AND ALL THE BBQ DIPPING SAUCE 💋💋💋but i eat all the fries before we get home🥲

$ 12.00. FROSTEES DONUTS!!!🦄🦄🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🦄🦄🦄

10.99 🤌🏻💕🌸🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤a bucket of honey walnut shrimp, crack them before you feed me 😚

6.50 TWO SUGARY SWEET CHERRY COLA ICEES 🧋🧋

$6.00 HELP ME WASH IT DOWN? A LARGE MOUNTAIN DEW GREEN AND PURPLE AND A DIET PEPSI

$3.00- 🥟BOX OF JAMAICAN BEEF PATTIES (WITH RANCH SAUCE ) ❤️❤️

$4.00 MM STUFF MY FACE WITH A SWEET 7.11 BLUEBERRY MUFFIN COVERED IN PHILADELPHIA CREAM CHEESE

$4.00- TWO BAGS OF LAYS ORIGINAL POTATOE CHIPS I CAN BINGE CRUNCH ON ALL NIGHT LONG

$3.00 TUB OF TWIZZLERS BLACK LICORICE

🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤DROOL ON THEM SUCKERS ALL NIGHTT LAWNGAGAGAGAGA🤤🤤🤤

$1.59 -RAINBOW TWIZZLERS MOTHERFUCKER☀️🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈☄️🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈✨

$1.00 - 🍧ONE DOLLAR SUMMER ICEY 🤤

$1.00 HUNGRY MAN MEATLOAF

$00.50 ONE MINI SLIM JIM

$00.50 ONE HERSHEYS KISS 🍫🍫🍫

[nostalgiaispeace]

720.

Bold Survey about Food.

Your protein:

pork steak lamb chops hamburgers vegan burgers chicken nuggets chicken fingers tuna shrimp salmon oyster crab lasagna ravioli chicken soup

beef jerky slim jims bacon spam buffalo wings sausage ham turkey meat balls

Your dairy:

milk soy milk skim milk raw egg boiled egg sunny-side eggs scrambled eggs cottage cheese cheddar cheese mozzarella cheese swiss cheese blue cheese cream cheese plain yogurt

Your vegetables and fruits:

mushrooms tomatoes pickles olives carrots raw onion broccoli cauliflower green beans string beans peas black beans celery leek artichoke lima beans bell pepper asparagus spinach seaweed avocado eggplant zucchini corn cucumber squash/pumpkin/yam garlic ginger peanuts almonds sunflower seeds raisins bananas apples pears grapes oranges tangerines peach blueberries raspberries blackberries strawberries lemons pineapples coconuts apricot cherries plums cranberry kiwi watermelon melon pomegranate grapefruit lime guava mango papaya

Your starch:

French fries baked potato scalop potato mashed potato fried rice white rice bagel white bread whole grain bread French bread corn bread sourdough pancakes spaghetti macaroni & cheese oatmeal

Condiments:

wasabi soy sauce cranberry sauce marmalade grape jam strawberry jam ketchup mustard relish mayonnaise whipped cream honey mustard sauce Tabasco salt ranch gravy caramel peanut butter salsa pepper honey maple syrup hummus butterscotch marshmallows icing

Junk food:

cheetos sour cream and onion chips barbeque chips vinegar chips wheat thins graham crackers saltine crackers cheez-its ritz tortilla chips Lunchables Milano cookies Twinkies popcorn fruit roll ups donuts ice cream sandwiches Poptarts pretzels Girl Scout cookies Oreos Nutter Butter Fig Newtons Jell-O rice crispy treats

Cereals:

Cocoa Puffs Cocoa Pebbles Fruit Loops Cinnamon Toast Crunch Frosted Flakes Raisin Bran Apple Jacks Corn Flakes Cookie Crisp Cap’n Crunch Lucky Charms Cheerios

Dessert:

brownies muffins cinnamon rolls cheesecake donuts chocolate fondue pudding apple pie pumpkin bread pumpkin pie chocolate chip cookies sugar cookies gingerbread cookies biscotti fortune cookies shortbread cookies oatmeal cookies Angel food cake carrot cake cupcakes fruit cake cream puffs flan custard Meringue sorbet s’mores

Asian:

ramen cup noodle sushi miso soup kimchi teriyaki eggrolls orange chicken

Fast food and restaurants:

McDonald’s Carl’s Jr Taco Bell Panda Express Jack-in-the-box In-n-out Chick-Fil-A La Salsa Dairy Queen Baskin Robbin’s Pizza Hut Papa John’s Roundtable Domino’s Johnny Rocket’s Cho-cho San’s Hot Dog On A Stick Coldstone California Pizza Kitchen Red Robin Ruby Tuesdays Chili’s Wendy’s Burger King Kentucky Fried Chicken Subway Tommy’s The Cheesecake Factory Arby’s Quiznos El Pollo Loco TGIF Applebee’s Wienerschnitzel IHOP Islands White Castle Togo’s Sonic Popeyes Orange Julius Jamba Juice Coffee Bean Starbucks Del Taco Chuck E. Cheese Baja Fresh Macaroni Grill

Candy:

Red Vines M&M’s Snickers Hershey’s kisses Kissables Kit-Kat Nerds Junior Mints Twizzlers Tootsie Rolls Jelly beans Swedish Fish Skittles Starburst 100 grand 3 Musketeers Airheads Almond Joy Baby Bottle Pops Baby Ruth bottle caps Butterfinger Reese’s Cup Fast Break Twix cotton candy chocolate coins Dots Hot Tamales jaw breakers Jolly Ranchers Laffy Taffy Lemonheads lifesavers Mike & Ike Milkduds Milky way Mr. Goodbar Nestle’s crunch Payday pixie sticks pop rocks Push Up pops Runts Smarties Snow Caps Sugardaddy Sweet Tarts Tic-Tacs York Peppermint Patties Warheads

Non-alcoholic drinks: Rootbeer Lemonade Orange juice Grape juice Capri Sun Coke Diet Coke Diet Pepsi Pepsi 7up Sprite Mountain Dew Hawaiian Punch Dr. Pepper Apple juice hot cocoa Kool-Aid cappuccinos frappuccinos lattes espresso energy drinks Vanilla Coke Cherry Coke Fanta Arizona Green Tea Squirt Gatorade Iced tea Green tea Chamomile tea White tea Oolong tea Jasmine tea Chai tea Snapple apple cider

Alcoholic drinks:

Wine Sake Shochu Vodka Bourbon whisky Irish whisky Canadian whisky Bloody Mary Rum Absolut Brandy Scotch Cognac Tequila Gin Wine cooler Smirnoff Marc Sidecar Tonic Pina Colada Martini Alabama Slammer Daiquiri Margarita Cape Cod Flying Horse Kamikaze Screwdriver Rusty Nail Cajun Strawberry Soda Mimosa Champagne Cascade Fosters Sam Adams Budweiser Coors Harpoon Milwaukee’s Bes

[surveysonfleek]

805.

Your protein: pork steak lamb chops hamburgers vegan burgers chicken nuggets chicken fingers tuna shrimp salmon oyster crab lasagne ravioli chicken soup

beef jerky slim jims bacon spam buffalo wings sausage ham turkey meat balls

Your dairy: milk soy milk skim milk raw egg boiled egg sunny-side eggs scrambled eggs cottage cheese cheddar cheese mozzarella cheese swiss cheese blue cheese cream cheese plain yogurt

Your vegetables and fruits: mushrooms tomatoes pickles olives carrots raw onion broccoli cauliflower green beans string beans peas black beans celery leek artichoke lima beans bell pepper asparagus spinach seaweed avocado eggplant zucchini corn cucumber squash/pumpkin/yam garlic ginger peanuts almonds sunflower seeds raisins bananas apples pears grapes oranges tangerines peach blueberries raspberries blackberries strawberries lemons pineapples coconuts apricot cherries plums cranberry kiwi watermelon melon pomegranate grapefruit lime guava mango papaya

Your starch: French fries baked potato scalop potato mashed potato fried rice white rice bagel white bread whole grain bread French bread corn bread sourdough pancakes spaghetti macaroni & cheese oatmeal

Condiments: wasabi soy sauce cranberry sauce marmalade grape jam strawberry jam ketchup mustard relish mayonnaise whipped cream honey mustard sauce Tabasco salt ranch gravy caramel peanut butter salsa pepper honey maple syrup hummus butterscotch marshmallows icing

Junk food: cheetos sour cream and onion chips barbeque chips vinegar chips wheat thins graham crackers saltine crackers cheez-its ritz tortilla chips Lunchables Milano cookies Twinkies popcorn fruit roll ups donuts ice cream sandwiches Poptarts pretzels Girl Scout cookies Oreos Nutter Butter Fig Newtons Jell-O rice crispy treats

Cereals: Cocoa Puffs Cocoa Pebbles Fruit Loops Cinnamon Toast Crunch Frosted Flakes Raisin Bran Apple Jacks Corn Flakes Cookie Crisp Cap’n Crunch Lucky Charms Cheerios

Dessert: brownies muffins cinnamon rolls cheesecake donuts chocolate fondue pudding apple pie pumpkin bread pumpkin pie chocolate chip cookies sugar cookies gingerbread cookies biscotti fortune cookies shortbread cookies oatmeal cookies Angel food cake carrot cake cupcakes fruit cake cream puffs flan custard Meringue sorbet s’mores

Asian: ramen cup noodle sushi miso soup kimchi teriyaki eggrolls orange chicken

Fast food and restaurants: McDonald’s Carl’s Jr Taco Bell Panda Express Jack-in-the-box In-n-out Chick-Fil-A La Salsa Dairy Queen Baskin Robbin’s Pizza Hut Papa John’s Roundtable Domino’s Johnny Rocket’s Cho-cho San’s Hot Dog On A Stick Coldstone California Pizza Kitchen Red Robin Ruby Tuesdays Chili’s Wendy’s Burger King Kentucky Fried Chicken Subway Tommy’s The Cheesecake Factory Arby’s Quiznos El Pollo Loco TGIF Applebee’s Wienerschnitzel IHOP Islands White Castle Togo’s Sonic Popeyes Orange Julius Jamba Juice Coffee Bean Starbucks Del Taco Chuck E. Cheese Baja Fresh Macaroni Grill

Candy: Red Vines M&M’s Snickers Hershey’s kisses Kissables Kit-Kat Nerds Junior Mints Twizzlers Tootsie Rolls Jelly beans Swedish Fish Skittles Starburst 100 grand 3 Musketeers Airheads Almond Joy Baby Bottle Pops Baby Ruth bottle caps Butterfinger Reese’s Cup Fast Break Twix cotton candy chocolate coins Dots Hot Tamales jaw breakers Jolly Ranchers Laffy Taffy Lemonheads lifesavers Mike & Ike Milkduds Milky way Mr. Goodbar Nestle’s crunch Payday pixie sticks pop rocks Push Up pops Runts Smarties Snow Caps Sugardaddy Sweet Tarts Tic-Tacs York Peppermint Patties Warheads

Non-alcoholic drinks: Rootbeer Lemonade Orange juice Grape juice Capri Sun Coke Diet Coke Diet Pepsi Pepsi 7up Sprite Mountain Dew Hawaiian Punch Dr. Pepper Apple juice hot cocoa Kool-Aid cappuccinos frappuccinos lattes espresso energy drinks Vanilla Coke Cherry Coke Fanta Arizona Green Tea Squirt Gatorade Iced tea Green tea Chamomile tea White tea Oolong tea Jasmine tea Chai tea Snapple apple cider

Alcoholic drinks: Wine Sake Shochu Vodka Bourbon whisky Irish whisky Canadian whisky Bloody Mary Rum Absolut Brandy Scotch Cognac Tequila Gin Wine cooler Smirnoff Marc Sidecar Tonic Pina Colada Martini Alabama Slammer Daiquiri Margarita Cape Cod Flying Horse Kamikaze Screwdriver Rusty Nail Cajun Strawberry Soda Mimosa Champagne Cascade Fosters Sam Adams Budweiser Coors Harpoon Milwaukee’s Bes

[xjoonchildx]

it’s TRUE THO: pretzels? slim jims? TWIZZLERS?

@miscelunaaa em you are right again 😭

hELP?!?!-!24636;$@@,’mx

sorry this is not gonna help AT ALL but like PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 👇🏽

https://twitter.com/mapofthesoulot7/status/1517673843451740160?s=21&t=GiWd97acc1t3UCC0TpBdWQ

[remarkablycool]

Ultimate Snack Box

For any type of hungry For a quick snack or just a bite, this food box has something for every appetite: Nature Valley Crunch Bar Nature Valley Sweet & Salty Nature Valley Fruit & Nut Quaker Chewy Bars Slim Jim’s Wonderful Pistachios Wonderful Almonds Snyder’s Pretzels; Planters Peanuts Jack Links Beef Sticks Gardetto’s Twizzlers (Singles) Corn Nutz Cheetos Lays BBQ Chips Planters Cashews Rice crispy Treats Nature Valley Sweet & Salty Almond Pirate Booty Keep everyone happy The Care Crate Co snack variety pack is a fantastic way to keep your office snacks fully stocked. Order snacks in bulk via monthly subscription to keep everyone fed and productive. Read the full article