#is showing off your work worth the risk of having to deal with the possibility of people being mean to you online?

[doodledrawsthings]

I'm sorry if this is of any inconvenience but I was wondering how do you have the courage to post your art online cause iwant to do it to someday but I just can't find the right drawing though I've tried I can't figure it out like how do you do this wonderful stuff without worrying about hate or anything?

The main advice I can really give you is just. Don’t. worry about that.

People online will be mean, sometimes. Sometimes accidentally, sometimes with an understandable criticism, sometimes just for the sake of getting a response. Take it all with a grain of salt and curate who you follow and who you see on your dash and in tags if you’re that worried about it. I think when you post your art or anything you do online, that’s just something that has a possibility of happening no matter what you do.

Also I just really think it’s unlikely that anyone’s gonna just send you anon hate because you posted some drawings, unless they’re, like, objectively offensive for the sake of being offensive, or something.

Just try not to take social media too seriously, IMO. When I started posting here I posted grainy iPhone camera doodles of Transistor fan art from my school notebook cuz I liked the game and wanted to see if other people liked it, too. I wanted a place to put the things I drew and a place where I could track my progress as I posted my art over the years, and maybe even meet people. If that’s what you want your eventual art blog to be, then that’s all it really needs to be.

If it’s something more practical you’re looking for: when I was starting out, I would load up the post I wanted to make, hover over the post button, and count down from ten. When I hit one, I just post it, no matter what. If I really didn’t like the post, I could just delete it.

[munsonsreputation]

am i allowed to cry?

steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: [2.8k]

warnings: cursing, allusion to depression and anxiety, reader nearly has a mental breakdown over the stress of work/school/and life, steve comes to the rescue don't worry (honestly just wrote this because seasonal depression combined with school and work and life is real as fuck and we all need some comfort), also semi proof-read, sorry!

summary: it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, something too heavy for you to bear all alone, but you do, anyway. and when you finally collapse under pressure, the last person you want to worry is your boyfriend steve, but he’s your safe space, and all he ever wants you to know is that he’s going to be there for you through smiles and tears.

The fatigue settled under your eyes and in the depths of your bones like a heavy weight pulling you down. There was an exhaustion seeping from the inside out, eating you alive until you were merely a shell of yourself. Your stomach twisted in knots unsolvable even with the help of sleep or tea—you felt beyond defeated with no way out.

It didn’t matter where you were and how ‘fine’ you thought you were. The feeling of dread became embedded into your entire existence and it was getting harder to keep up the act and blame it all on school or work. Perhaps it started there, but slowly and surely did the feeling morph into every avenue you steered towards in order to escape.

Your hangouts with friends suddenly turned into an inner panic attack of sorts, feeling the need to keep up with everyone who was doing so well whilst you were barely making it out alive.

Family dinners then turned into interrogations, where they poked and prodded probably with the best intent to figure out why you were so absent, but it all just felt like an attack coming from left and right.

No matter how hard you tried to keep up the facade of being fine and telling everyone they were making a big deal out of nothing, you knew you were moments away from falling apart. At this rate, you were a machine breaking down piece by piece, rusting and stalling until you couldn’t move anymore.

And the absolute last person you wanted to shrink away from was your boyfriend, Steve.

He was the most supportive and present person in your life you could have ever asked for. He never doubted you in anything, and most times he was the one egging you on to go after your dreams. Telling you to take risks and go for it, because you always succeeded in everything you did, and even when it wasn’t on the first try, he knew you were bound to get a hang of it.

A special trait about him that you adored so much was his trust in you. He knew what it was like for people to always question his worth, to try to make it seem like he wasn’t capable or smart enough to make his own decisions so much so that other people had to step in and save him. But to be fair, Steve Harrington never needed to be saved—he just needed the right people around to show him it was okay to make mistakes and learn from it.

And you did just that.

When Steve didn’t know what he wanted to do after graduation, you never pestered him on to go off to college, committing himself to something he wasn’t one hundred percent certain about. Instead, you encouraged him to find his calling, to scour town in order to find different hobbies that had potential job opportunities. To volunteer and possibly shadow in order to widen his options.

You were always supportive and did your best to guide instead of control—and because of that; he was able to find a job that made him happy, surprisingly enough.

And likewise, while Steve never was the biggest fan of structured school, he guided you through your college path. Providing all the moral and emotional support he could offer you, and at times even going as far as to reading a textbook chapter alongside you to help you understand concepts that were all too confusing.

He never pushed too hard, and never made it seem like he didn’t care. There was a perfect balance between your understanding and his—a sort of tune that always was in perfect harmony…until it wasn’t.

You had been assuring Steve that while school and work were surely kicking your butt, you had it all under control, but that was far from the truth. Date nights were seemingly pushed back…not that he minded since he understood you needed to study and rest—but things were beginning to feel more off.

You avoided having him stay the night at your place or even just stopping by to drop you off some food. When you did spend time together, you were physically there, but not mentally. You listened intently to what he had to say, but when it was your turn, you shared little about what was going on with you, and diverted the questions back to him.

A lot of the time, you just seemed out of it. Too far away in your mind for him to reach you, and while he knew everyone had their off days and even off weeks, yours was becoming imminently permanent, and you were beginning to realize it, too.

You sat hunched over at your desk, eyes welling with tears as you stared down at your notes, then back to your textbook, then back to your notes once again. Nothing was making sense, and your patience was slim to none, batting your eyes as the tears fell onto the pages where you were too fed up to care.

Your mind was scattered all over the place, thinking about how you needed to make sense of the content in front of you, but also about the many deadlines of other assignments you had under your belt. On top of that, you had other responsibilities that needed your full attention, yet you sat there wondering how you were even going to complete one of them.

There was something that snapped inside of you. A guttle cry that you let out as you pushed yourself out of your desk chair and stood with your hands threaded roughly in the roots of your hair. Hot, vicious tears floated down your cheeks while you paced in circles attempting to calm yourself down, but nothing worked.

You needed Steve, even when you didn’t want him to see you like this.

He was at your doorstep not even a whole ten minutes after you had phoned him, asking if he would drop by. It was almost midnight, and usually at this hour your nose was buried deep behind textbooks and assignments, but he could just tell something was the matter.

He had asked rushed and worriedly, if everything was okay, but you refused to give him a definite answer, just sniffling back your cries and humming, telling him to come over as soon as he could. The drive was short, and yet for him it felt like eternity until he was face to face with you on your front porch.

“Baby,” His voice was rigid yet gentle, striding closer to you as his warm hands came down to hold your arms, “Hey, what’s going on? Are you hurt?” He breathed, half catching his breath from his haste, and half worried out of his mind.

He bent a little at the knees, trying to get a better look at your face in the dimly lit doorway. All the color was drained from your skin, except the red path your tears took down your cheeks and your bitten lips.

You sniffled hard, an unevenness apparent in your breathing, “N—nothing,” you lied pathetically, closing your eyes as you shook your head, “I’m just a little stressed. You don’t have to worry about m-me.”

There was lots to worry about, especially seeing you in the state that you were in. Steve had seen you stressed out many times before. Worried about running late, leaving something behind, nervous about a final exam, but nothing ever to this extent. This was more than stress, and he knew it.

“Let’s go inside and talk, yeah?” He murmured, ignoring your comment and leading you back into your home, hoping to get you to talk some more.

Guiding you to the kitchen, he switched on the lights, pulling out a chair for you to sit at the dining table while he got you a glass of cold water and some paper towels.

“Have some water, baby,” He knelt on the ground, holding the cup of water to your lips.

You sniffled, closing your eyes tightly as you tried to catch your breath before taking a sip, letting him help you, and pulling the cusp away from your lips before you could cough up. You could feel his eyes boring through you, filled with fret wanting to get down to the bottom of the situation yet letting you go at your own pace.

He took the paper towel, crumbling it up into a small ball to dab over your cheeks and under your eyes, doing his best to soak up all the tears that kept pouring. His heart shook and broke in his chest, wondering what had happened to get you to this state of no return.

“Talk to me sweetheart,” He started, letting one of his hands come to hold your trembling one, giving you a firm squeeze. “What can I do to make it better?” He implored, just wanting to make whatever that was hurting you stop.

The desperation in his voice made another sob rip out from chest, face pinching into something painful as you hung your head low and wept as quietly as you could. You felt so weak and helpless, hating that you pushed yourself to the point where you made the one person who vowed to always be there for you feel as though he wasn’t.

“Babe, shhh, hey c’mon,” He murmured, immediately wrapping his arms around your body, pulling you close to him and burying your face in his chest, “It’s okay. I’m right here, baby. S’okay.”

You hadn’t said anything just amounting yourself to a mess of tears and unspoken feelings, not knowing how you could possibly articulate what you had been going through all this time.

“I—I’m sorry,” You muffled against his chest, causing him to pull away slightly, just to look at you and shake his head wondering why you were apologizing.

“You don’t have to be sorry baby—”

“I’m fucked up, I know I am.” You blurted out, a cruelty in your voice Steve could tell was directed towards yourself, not him.

“I-I’ve been so caught up with school and work that I know I haven’t been the best girlfriend, but I swear—”

“Hey stop it.” He didn’t let you finish, furrowing his brows, determined to make you understand the words you were saying about yourself weren’t true.

“This isn’t about you not being a good girlfriend. You’re so good to me, baby and I promise you whatever it is that’s going on, isn’t because of that. Talk to me. Don’t be scared.”

He assured you with warm circles rubbed over your back, just wanting you to focus on your feelings and not on what you thought you were making him feel. The only thing that mattered to him was understanding you, and how he could fit himself into the puzzle to make it all better.

“I’m just so tired,” You broke down once again, “I don’t feel like myself anymore, and even when I look at myself…I don’t see me.” You croaked, voice breaking in between words.

“All I want to do is relax, but my brain is just on a live wire where I can’t stop thinking and then I start spiraling. If it isn’t school, then it’s work, and if it isn’t work, then I’m thinking about all of the others things I don’t have time for in between school and work.” You heaved, just feeling the panic and frustration arise at the mere conversation.

He hated how he could see the contempt you had for yourself. Fingernails biting into the palm of your hands and a deep-seated frown over your lip, as if you wanted to crawl out of your skin to be someone completely different. But there was no one like you, in his eyes. Whatever it was that you were going through he was going to stand beside you and help you get back to feeling like yourself, the girl he couldn’t imagine living without.

“I’m here for you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner,” He murmured, pushing the tear soaked strands of hair out of your face. “You work so hard all the time, you deserve a break.”

“I can’t,” you cried, shaking your head, rubbing exhaustingly at your eyes, “I physically can’t. I can’t fall behind when I already am.”

You wanted to listen to his advice, the knowing that deep down he was so very right, but you couldn’t look past the idea of letting people down and falling behind when you knew it was impossible to play catch up.

Steve knew how you operated on a one track mind to get things done and out of the way, which was obviously ideal. However, the amount of physical, emotional, and mental strain the work ethic had put you in was enough confirmation that he needed to step in before it got worse.

“Listen to me, hon,” He said tenderly, grasping your face in his hands, “You need a break. I’m not saying you have to abandon everything, but you need to take it easy on yourself. Learn how to step away and breathe. You’re going to work yourself to death if you keep this up…and you know I can’t live without you.”

His sentiment was true and sweet, something he was able to be at all times, even at times like this.

“I’m not going to let you fall behind, baby.” He promised you, swiping his thumbs over your cheeks, pressing a chaste kiss over your lips before he continued, “I’ll help you and we can take it on together, but you can’t keep stuff like this from me okay? The last thing I ever want you to feel is like you have to do it all alone.”

You sniffled, nodding as you swallowed back the lump in your throat, hiccuping slightly, “I-I know, I’m just usually so good at taking on everything, but I don’t know what happened.” You admitted with a shrug.

He nodded understandingly. “You might not feel it, but you’re overworked and that’s okay. I’m going to be here to help any way I can. With school, with work…with breaks.” He smiled softly.

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.” You stared up at him apologetically, wishing you hadn’t waited so long to tell him, knowing that he was always your number one confidant and supporter through everything.

Still, he shook his head, caressing your cheeks, “Don’t apologize, I’m here now and I promise it’s going to get better.”

He held you in his arms a little longer, letting you cry the rest of your tears into his chest, before suggesting to head up to your room. Agreeing, he grabbed a fresh cup of water to keep at your bedside before following you up the stairs and into your room.

Books and papers were sprawled out across your desk, hinting to him what had gone down before you called. He knew that school was beginning to take a toll on you with bigger projects and finals approaching, but had no idea it was getting worse and worse as the days passed by—but no longer, not with him around.

“Let me just…” You spoke under your breath, heading towards your desk to get everything cleaned up, now that Steve was spending the night and not wanting him to deal with the mess.

But he was quick to stop you, grabbing you gently by the wrist before you could even close the textbook, causing you to follow his lead to your bed.

“Hey…” He murmured, setting the cup down on the small table beside your lamp, “we’ll figure it out in the morning okay?”

“Hmm,” You hummed with a nod, letting him situate you into bed before toeing off his shoes and getting in beside you.

You turned to face him after he switched off the lamp, encasing you both in complete darkness. Eyes adjusting to the light, enough for you to make out his face, eyes closed peacefully, as his arms went instinctively around your frame, pulling you closer into him—the feeling you had been missing so desperately, wondering why you ever even thought to push it away.

“You know I’ll be here whenever you need me, all the time okay?” His voice broke the silence, nuzzling his face closer to yours, hoping you knew how true every word was.

“I know,” you promised, jutting your chin up to press a kiss to his lips that he smiled into, kissing you back a little harder wanting you to remember the feeling and that alone.

All the stress still lingered in the back of your mind, but the feeling that consumed wasn’t the fear or the exhaustion that had been weighing you down. It was the knowing that you were allowed to feel your feelings around Steve, and the security to know he was your person, rain or shine—and that in itself was enough for you to know it was going to be okay.

💌 reblogs, tags, comments, + likes are greatly appreciated! leave a comment and let me know if want to be added to my taglist!! 💌

a/n: very short one shot in honor of seasonal depression doing its big one on me...but don't worry im surviving through my safe space fiction characters!!! i hope you are all doing well and thank you again for sticking around!

taglist: @translatemunson @kennedy-brooke @manda-panda-monium @tvserie-s-world @givemeth @steveharringtonswife @astolenkiss @loving-and-dreaming @awkotaco24 @engenelxver @elfiaaaa @pbs-theundeadmaggot @johnricharddeacy @gaysludge @keerysfolklore @micheledawn1975 @ihatepeanutss @bakugouswh0r3

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Rusty | Chapter 16 | S.R

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Summary - You and Spencer start making plans to leave Bandera. When Spencer makes a discovery about Luke, it leads to him having a blow out with the whole BAU team before saying his goodbyes to his old friends.

A/N - there will be a time jump after this chapter and things will ramp up pretty fast. Also just to note, if it seems like Spencer takes two steps forward and five back sometimes it’s because he does. Healing is not linear and he still has a long way to go.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - strangers to friends to lovers | angst | smut minors DNI

Warnings - dissociation, jealousy, swearing, tears, arguing, mentions of prison and vague hints of sexual abuse, mentions of Cat Adams and Ben’s Believers, Luke and Spencer are both mean, goodbyes, sad BAU team.

WC - 6.8k

Chapter 16 - Take Your Memory With You

Grant was whistling to himself as he swept the barn floor, finishing up making the ranch look as presentable as possible. He was working tirelessly getting the place to look as orderly and neat as he could before he had a realtor round to get the old place on the market.

He was slightly wistful about the idea of selling his parents ranch but the excitement he felt about taking the next step outweighed it. He’d already eagerly been looking at homes in DC and Virginia, scouring job vacancies and preparing for his potential move. 

He and Luke spoke on the phone and texted every chance Luke had available whilst working on a case he could tell Grant little about. Every time his phone went off and he saw Luke’s name on the screen he got butterflies in his stomach. He didn’t know this, but Luke also experienced the same thing when Grant texted him. 

It was probably crazy that he was considering this, packing up his life and moving to the other side of the country for a man who was supposed to be a one night stand. 

He’d never once allowed himself to throw caution to the wind, to do something reckless like this. He was sensible, predictable, he didn’t do things like this. But that was part of the reason he wanted to do this. 

It might be insane and it might end up being the dumbest thing he’d ever done but he had to give it a try. Luke had made him feel things he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt and it was worth the risk to see if there could be something lasting between them. 

As he finished sweeping, he wiped his brow on his sleeve and leant the broom against the wall of the barn. As he did so, he heard the faint sounds of footsteps on the gravel. His brows pinched together, he wasn’t expecting company. 

He picked up his shotgun which was leaning near the broom but didn’t raise it, taking a few cautious steps out of the barn with it by his side. He was surprised to see Spencer headed up the path, one hand in a thick splint and the other in the pocket of his jeans. He wore a brown suede stetson which covered his mess of hair.

Grant placed the shotgun back down and rubbed his hands together as the other man slowly approached. Spencer was offering him a slightly lopsided smile as he grew closer.

“Uh, hey, sorry to just show up here like this.” Spencer rolled his lip awkwardly between his teeth.

“Not a bother.” Grant shrugged. “What can I do you for?”

Spencer removed his stetson, holding it in his good hand while he considered how to begin. He’d told you last night he was going to get moving on selling the ranch so the two of you could make a break before Luke inevitably showed back up and that’s what he was trying to do.

“I’m not going to beat around the bush.” Spencer exhaled. “I’m leaving Bandera and wondered if you were looking to acquire any more land? I’ll be leaving my cattle and two of my horses as well if that sweetens the deal. I’m not looking to break even or anything, I just need a quick sale.” 

Grant narrowed his eyes on Spencer curiously, a small smile creeping to his lips.

“Well I’ll be, I was gonna ask you the same thing.” Grant chuckled deeply.

“You’re leaving too?” Spencer’s brows pinched together. 

“Yeah, I’m relocating to the East Coast.” 

“Oh,” Spencer pulled a face. “How come?”

Grant chuckled again before a dreamy smile spread across his features and Spencer could tell he was getting a little lost in a memory.

“I, uh, met someone.” His cheeks flushed. “I reckon it makes me a damn fool for upping sticks for a man I hardly know but he’s not like anyone I ever met before. But I’m gonna make it to DC if the creek don’t rise.” 

Spencer felt a sharp pain in his chest, his vision becoming blurry around the edges. He stared at Grant as the cogs turned in his head. Surely it had to be a coincidence? It could not be feasible that Grant was talking about…no, no way.

“Uh, DC?” Spencer croaked. “Weird, that’s where I’m from.” 

Suddenly Grant’s brow furrowed heavily and he sucked in a deep breath as he remembered something Luke had said before he’d left. 

“Never chose this life, it chose me. Always thought I’d get out of the south one day, move to some big city, ya know? New York, LA…maybe even DC. Unless that idea scares ya.” 

“Why would it…why would it scare me?” 

“You seem like the jumpy sort.” 

“I was still processing an old break up. It ended suddenly and I never got any closure. But I think I have now, I think I’m ready to move on.” 

“Hold on a gosh darn second,” Grant shook his head. “He’s not…you’re not…”

“Luke,” Spencer exhaled. “Luke Alvez?”

Both men’s expressions fell, skin paling as they came to the same conclusion. Spencer’s head started to spin and his vision grew even hazier. 

“You’re the break up he was talkin’ about.” Grant pinched the bridge of his nose. “I had no idea, Spencer.”

“It’s fine.” Spencer shook his head, his tone saying it was anything but fine. “I’ve moved on. He should too. You two would make a great couple.” 

It seemed as though you and Spencer weren’t the only ones with the same taste in men. Spencer stumbled backwards at the implications, feeling lightheaded. 

“If I’d known-”

“It’s really fine,” Spencer laughed but it didn’t sound genuine. “You’ll love DC, it’s great. Uh, I should probably…go.” 

Before Grant could say another word, Spencer was turning and running back down the path towards the road. Grant watched him go with a sigh. Of all the men in the world, he’d ended up in bed with Spencer’s ex. And clearly Spencer was not as fine with it as he made out.

***

When Spencer arrived back at the ranch he was in a complete daze. You found him wandering outside the lodge aimlessly. His eyes were unfocused, he wouldn’t respond to your voice or to your touch. 

You led him inside but he didn’t even seem to realise what was happening. You sat him on the couch and went about breaking him out of his dissociation. You placed ice cubes in his hand, got him to drink some honey and lemon tea and used the photograph of his mom to snap him out of it.

You knew he’d gone into town to ask around if anyone was interested in buying his land, what had led to his dissociation? You wondered how long he had been in this state for, how long he had been wandering around like a zombie. You were grateful he’d made it back without hurting himself. 

It took close to fifteen minutes but suddenly his eyes were present again and he looked at you with a frown, melted ice dripping from his hand onto the floor. 

“Hey you,” you whispered with a soft smile. “You okay?” 

Spencer blinked rapidly, looking down at what was left of the ice cubes in his hand, noticing the citrus flavour on his tongue and the photograph of his mother on the coffee table. 

“Wh-what happened?” He croaked as if he’d just woken up. 

“I was kinda hoping you could tell me.” You quickly got up and went to the kitchen for some napkins. 

You hurried back and scooped the last of the ice from his palm before giving him the napkins to dry himself off. 

“I…I have no idea.” He shook his head. 

He was lying. He knew exactly what had happened. Grant had met Luke and the two had clearly hit it off and now Grant was moving to DC to be with him. His Luke. 

No, that wasn’t fair. Luke wasn’t his and hadn’t been for a long time. It wasn’t beneficial for Spencer to think that way. He had moved on, he had you, Luke was in his past. 

Spencer had never had any intention of him and Luke being together again after he moved to Bandera, that relationship never would have worked again. But it didn’t mean he stopped loving Luke, stopped caring about him. And it made his heart ache to think of him with someone else. Now he knew exactly how Luke felt.

“So, you’ve moved on, huh?” 

“It’s been two years, what did you expect?” 

“What did I expect? Well for starters I expected more from you than leaving without a damn word! I expected that you wouldn’t completely cut me out of your life! I expected…maybe I hoped that I wasn’t the only one still pining like an idiot. So she gets the healed Spencer Reid? She gets to have you now you’ve worked through your trauma? When I was the one that spent a year by your side after, trying to help you? How is that fair?” 

———

“No one can help me! Why don’t you understand that?” 

“She seemed to be doing a fine job.” 

“Goddamnit, would you let that go?” 

“Let it go? How the hell can I let that go? Every time I close my eyes I will see her on top of you!” 

Luke had to walk in on the two of you in bed, seeing first hand that Spencer had moved on. The mere thought of Luke with Grant was enough to cause him to slip into a dissociation, he couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Luke to witness that. 

“You don’t remember?” You gave him a look of scepticism and Spencer shook his head.

How could he tell you what had sent him over the edge? There was no way he could admit that this had happened because he found out Luke had moved on. Spencer loved you, he loved you more than he’d ever loved anyone. But selfishly he thought Luke would always be there. God that made him sound terrible. 

“No,” Spencer pushed himself to his feet, balling the napkin up in his hand and traipsing to the trash can. 

“I don’t believe you.” You stood too, folding your arms over your chest. “You’re lying to me.”

Spencer sucked in a breath and slowly turned back to look at you, clenching his jaw tightly.

“Yes I am,” he nodded. “But only because I’m trying to protect you.” 

“Protect me?” You cocked an eyebrow at him. “Protect me from what?” 

“If I tell you why I dissociated you will no doubt get upset and I have upset you way too many times before.” He heaved a sigh.

“Tell me.” You insisted. “Tell me right now.” 

Spencer rolled his eyes a little, leaning back against the kitchen counter and glancing out of the window at the land beyond. 

“I went to speak to Grant about buying the ranch and it turns out he’s also leaving town. He’s moving to DC because he met someone…” Spencer trailed off, keeping his eyes out of the window.

In his peripheral vision he saw you frowning, filling in the blanks to the sentence he didn’t want to finish and honestly it wasn’t all that hard.

“Luke?” You croaked. 

“Yeah. Grant is moving to DC to be with my ex boyfriend.” 

“And that caused you to dissociate.”

“Yeah.”

“Because you still have feelings for Luke.” 

“Yes.” He huffed, turning his head to face you. “Of course I do. But I don’t want to be with him, okay? I want you and only you. But it surprised me and it upset me and I would understand if you were annoyed by my reaction.” 

“Spence,” you exhaled, taking a few steps closer to him. “I’m not annoyed. He was a big part of your life, I understand that it would throw you through some kind of loop to find this out.” 

“I really wish I didn’t love you so much.” His words surprised you as he raked his fingers over his ever growing facial hair. 

“Why?” You frowned lightly. 

“Because you’re too good for me.” He shrugged meekly. “Everything I’ve put you through, it’s too much. I’m a fucking wreak. Last night after we…fuck Y/N it was so amazing but when you were asleep I just…I felt numb. I should have felt something, you know? But I felt fucking numb because no matter how much I keep trying to convince myself otherwise, I’m not whole.” 

Tears started down his cheeks and you came closer, placing your hands on the sides of his face and holding his gaze. 

“I’m too good for you? Spencer, I murdered my step father.” You gently reminded him. “And so what if you aren’t whole? Who says you need to be?” 

“I don’t care where you’ve been or what you’ve done.” He cupped the back of your neck in his good hand. “And I want to be whole, I want to give you every little piece of myself but I can’t because I lost a big part of who I am in prison.” 

You cooed him, brushing his tears with your fingertips and trying to calm him down. 

“As long as you can love me with every piece you have left, I’m okay with that.” You smiled before he was tugging you close for a kiss. 

He could undoubtedly give you that, every shred that still belonged to him was yours. And he’d never loved you more than he did in that moment. 

You were startled apart by the sound of a phone ringing. Spencer turned back to the counter where his device sat and saw the name flashing on the screen. You peered over his shoulder and saw it too. 

His body went rigid and he sucked in a deep breath. His hand reached out for the phone and you saw it was trembling. 

“You don’t have to answer it.” You whispered but Spencer was shaking his head. 

“I need to.” He picked up the phone. “I need this to finally be over.” 

Spencer took the phone and without looking at you, turned to the door and quickly left the lodge. You observed him through the window as he put the phone to his ear and continued walking in the direction of the stable. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself and rolled your lip between your teeth. You just had to hope he was strong enough to handle this. 

***

Spencer headed down the steps of his lodge and once his feet hit the dirt at the bottom, he answered the call. He huffed out a breath before he spoke.

“What?” He grumbled. He was met by silence for a moment or two so with a sigh he spoke again. “Hello? What do you want?” 

Another short burst of silence and Spencer was grinding his teeth as he trailed up the path towards the stables.

“I, uh…” the voice croaked. “Sorry I didn’t expect you to answer.” 

“Well I did. So what do you want? No, let me guess. Grant called you?” Spencer wished he could keep the bitterness from his voice but it was impossible.

“Yeah,” Luke sighed. “I’m sorry you had to find out that way.” 

“Sorry I found out that way or that I found out at all?” Spencer spat, unable to calm himself. 

“You don’t get to be angry, Spencer.” Luke’s voice remained calm, but was laced with his frustrations.

“I get to be however the hell I want to be.” Spencer bit back. 

“I found you in bed with a woman Spencer, if you’re allowed to move on so am I.” Luke growled slightly. 

Spencer reached the stable and cradled the phone between his shoulder and face while he unlatched the door with his non-splinted hand. 

“I don’t care about you moving on.” Spencer scoffed. “But you could have done that with literally anyone! Why did it have to be someone I know? Someone where I live?” 

“Sounds like you don’t plan to live there much longer anyway. Grant said you were trying to sell him your ranch?” Luke spoke and then Spencer heard him thanking someone under his breath. 

He must be at work. Judging by the sound of him then sipping something Spencer assumed someone had just given him a mug of coffee. 

“That’s why I answered your call.” Spencer walked across the stable, ignoring his horses and sitting down on the wooden crate against the far wall. “I am leaving Bandera and I wanted to tell you to stop calling me. I need a real fresh start, one where you guys can’t keep hassling me.” 

“Hassling?” Luke spat. “You’re mistaking us caring for hassling?” 

“Luke you guys smother me!” Spencer raised his voice, almost immediately back on his feet. “For my entire FBI career I have been the youngest on the team which means I’m babied and coddled and I’m sick of it. I am a forty year old man! I don’t need you or anyone else to worry over me like I’m a still a kid.” 

“After what you’ve been through, Spencer, how can we not worry about you? It’s nothing to do with age, or you being younger than everyone else. You spent three months in prison being abused before having to face off against your rival who tried to kill your mom. Then less than a year later you were taken hostage by Ben’s Believers, you almost died. 

“And then you made the decision to runaway without telling anyone, except Prentiss but I’m sure you only told her because you had to. How the hell can we not worry about you? Half of the team expected you to relapse, you know? Hell, I thought you might relapse. How the fuck can we not worry about you when you’re out there in the middle of nowhere on your own!” 

Spencer had started to pace while Luke ranted down the phone, back and forth through the stable and ignoring the attention seeking huffs from the horses. 

“Well I’m not on my own anymore. And I’m leaving Bandera and I’m not telling any of you where I’m going. I picked up the phone to tell you this is the end. I will be blocking your numbers, fuck I might even just destroy my goddamn phone again so there is no way of Garcia tracking me down. It’s over Luke, I don’t want anything to do with any of you anymore.” Spencer spat harshly, unable to stop his rampant pacing. 

“I’d argue with you but to be perfectly honest I’m sick of this. I’m sick of worrying about you all the time, I’m sick of feeling dejected every time you ignore my calls. I am sick of the fucking Spencer Reid show!” Luke yelled. 

If he was at Quantico Spencer imagined it would have garnered a lot of attention. 

“The Spencer Reid show? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Spencer grumbled. 

“Our entire relationship was about you. You and your goddamn trauma, even before prison! You and your daddy issues or mommy issues and your adabonment issues and your sobriety and whatever the hell else you were dealing with. My PTSD didn’t matter. I had to suppress my own trauma, trauma from serving overseas to protect the fragility of your psyche.” Luke was really shouting now and Spencer could only imagine the eyes of the team were all on him. 

The rage was pooling in Spencer’s stomach, rapidly clawing its way through his body. He turned to see Rusty staring at him but it wasn’t the same wary way she usually regarded him. Her eyes were wide but docile. 

Tentatively he stepped closer to her, once again cradling the phone in the crook of his neck so he could raise his hand in her direction. He moved slowly, cautiously, so as not to frighten her. But she didn’t move. 

He laid his palm against the side of her face and she nuzzled into his touch. Spencer felt a little sceptical by her sudden fondness for him when she’d previously shown him nothing but disdain.

He dared entwine his fingers with the coarse hair of her mane, trying to ground himself with the texture whilst staring into her large brown eyes. She made a small noise of contentment. 

“If I was such a fucking problem for you then it shouldn’t be hard to hear that I never want to speak to you again.” He fought to keep his voice levelled and under control. 

Luke was breathing heavily down the phone, clearly trying to rein himself in like Spencer was. 

“You…” he huffed. “You fucking broke me, Spencer. The way you left, it destroyed me. Nothing in my life has ever hurt as much as having to hear from Prentiss that you’d left without a word. I’ve spent the last two years trying to get over you, trying to move past the pain that you caused. And I have finally met someone who made me forget all about you. I’m not asking you to be happy for me, but you don’t get to be mad either.” 

Spencer kept his focus on Rusty, weaving his fingers deep into her golden mane and staring unblinking in her eyes. He swallowed thickly, chewing on the inside of his cheek. This was so strange. 

“Have a nice life, Luke.” He breathed out. “Tell the others I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. I need to forge my own path and the only way I can do that is by cutting old ties. I’m sorry.” 

“You owe them more than that.” Luke was quick to speak, feeling as though Spencer was imminently going to hang up. “At least tell them yourself. We’re all here at the BAU, let me put you on speaker?” 

Spencer clenched his jaw, holding tighter to Rusty as he felt his knees buckling. He knew Luke was right, he did owe them more than him vanishing again. It didn’t mean the thought of talking to them all didn’t make him feel nauseous. 

“Fine,” he croaked out before he changed his mind. “Hurry up though.”

He heard shuffling and some barely perceptible whispers. A chair scraping across the floor, footsteps and a door opening and closing. 

He knew Luke’s hand was over the microphone when he spoke again as his voice was muffled but he just managed to hear what he said. 

“Guys, I’ve got Reid. He wants to talk to us all.”

Spencer rolled his eyes, that wasn’t exactly true but he wasn’t going to argue it. A little more shuffling as he assumed Luke put the phone on a table and then Luke’s voice was louder. 

“Go ahead Spencer, we’re all here.” Luke remained on his feet, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Rossi and Emily were standing by a layout board going over the information in the Sicarius case while Tara, JJ and Penelope were at the table, the latter hovered over her laptop and the other two looking over files.

Spencer was silent. He could all but picture his old team gathered in the round table room and he felt the nerves swarm his body. 

He moved his hand from Rusty’s mane to the side of her face, brushing his fingers along the silky texture of her coat. Again she didn’t seem to have any qualms about him doing so. 

“Uh, hi everyone.” He spoke quietly. 

At the BAU, Penelope Garcia’s hand flew to her mouth as she stifled a gasp at hearing her boy wonders voice for the first time in what had to be months at this point. 

Tears flooded to JJ’s eyes, obscuring her vision as she gnawed on her lip. Tara, Rossi and Emily managed to keep their composures. 

“Kid, it’s good to hear your voice.” Rossi was the one to speak. 

“Hi Dave, good to hear yours too.” Spencer’s voice cracked. 

“Is everything okay junior G?” Garcia couldn’t stop herself speaking. 

“Yeah,” he replied. “I, uh…I told Luke that I’m leaving Bandera. I need to get away from everything for real this time. And I’m afraid that includes all of you.” 

More silence swelled in the room as the six agents exchanged looks of concern and upset. 

“What do you mean?” JJ’s voice gave way to her sorrow. 

“I don’t think I’m ever going to fully heal while I still have one foot in DC. I love you all very much but you all remind of me the worst things that have ever happened to me. I need a clean break. Last time I left without saying goodbye and Luke reminded me that I owe you more than that. So, uh, I guess this is goodbye.” He sighed, feeling strangely emotional.

Until now he’d only let himself think of how in running away with you he would miss his ranch and the life he’d created in Texas. He hasn’t let himself dwell on the idea that it also meant cutting ties with his old team entirely. 

He heard a little more shuffling, key tapping and then the device cradled against his face beeped in his ear. With a frown he removed his hand from Rusty and pulled the device into his eyeline. 

Incoming FaceTime call.

He grit his teeth. Apart from Luke he hadn’t see any of their faces in two years. 

“Turn your camera on, Reid.” Emily’s voice came through the speaker, commanding him like he still worked for her. “At least let us say goodbye to you face to face.” 

Spencer huffed, moving to sit back on the wooden crate. His finger hovered over the button for a moment or two before he accepted it. 

This was going to be tough. It was hard enough lying to them at the best of times let alone face to face. As much as he was being honest when he said he was fed up of their babying, their worry it wasn’t the full story. 

He had to cut contact with them in order to keep you safe. He was choosing you over his friends. He just had to keep his expression in check so they didn’t see through to his hidden agenda. 

The screen was blank for a few moments and then suddenly it was as though he was back in the BAU round table room. He could tell from the angle that Garcia had mirrored Luke’s phone screen and his image was being displayed on the large TV. 

Apart from Luke, none of them were prepared to see Doctor Spencer Reid sporting scruffy facial hair, with curls down to his shoulders and longer than any of them had seen in years or wearing a denim shirt over a plain white tee. But to their credits, they hid their surprise well, including Garcia. 

Spencer almost waved at them before he remembered that would mean them seeing his splinted arm. Luke could have told them already but he didn’t want to worry them any more than they already were. 

Garcia and JJ at the table both had tears in their eyes and Tara was sitting in the middle of them had her hands laced together in front of her. Emily and Rossi were nearest the camera and Luke was off to the side with his arms folded. 

“Wow this is weird.” His brows pinched together. “I feel like I’m in the room.” 

“Are you eating?” Garcia suddenly spoke up. “You look skinnier than I remember and that’s saying something because you were always so tiny.” 

“I’m eating.” Spencer nodded. 

“Clearly not enough.” Penelope huffed. 

“Garcia,” Emily shot her a look to silence her and the bubbly blonde shrunk a little in her chair. “You look good Reid, rugged even.” 

The small quip of her lip made Spencer chuckle. 

“About time.” He joked but there was still the underlying melancholy in his voice. “I really am sorry to be doing this but I just need some time. I appreciate that you all care about me, but I’m fine I swear.” 

“Does this have something to do with the girl? Because it seems like odd timing.” Luke grunted as he spoke. 

Spencer felt his cheeks redden but only Rossi and Tara seemed confused by what he’d said. Spencer didn’t know that Luke had already filled Emily, JJ and Garcia in on how he’d found Spencer indisposed when he’d visited. 

“Girl?” Tara cocked her eyebrow at the screen. 

“Uh, yeah.” Spencer pulled a face. “I guess I met someone. Thanks for telling everyone, Luke.” 

“So she’s the reason you’re leaving? Why you’re cutting us all out of your life?” Luke narrowed his eyes. 

“No, of course not.” Spencer shook his head. “I just need to do this.”

“Is she going with you?” Luke frowned, his jaw set. 

“That’s none of your business.” Spencer spat. “Why don’t you focus yourself on your own personal life rather than sticking your nose in mine.” 

“Spence,” Emily spoke in her calming manner. “Is this still about what happened to you in prison?” 

Spencer’s face fell and thanks to a combination of his new phone's excellent camera and the quality of pixels on the BAU screen, they all saw it. 

“Prison? With your friend Delgado?” Garcia pouted. 

“Spence, we know that was hard for you.” JJ added. 

“That’s not what she’s talking about.” Luke spoke up, his slightly pointed tone obvious to everyone. 

“What is she talking about?” Rossi frowned looking between his Unit Chief, Luke and Spencer on the screen. “Prentiss? Alvez? What do you know that we don’t?” 

“Don’t you dare.” Spencer spat. “Don’t you fucking dare tell them!” 

“They have a right to know why you’re being like this.” Luke growled. 

“Alvez,” Emily scolded him. “It’s not your place. And it’s not mine either.” 

The other members of the BAU gave each other curious looks while Spencer tried hard to control his anger. He couldn’t believe Emily would have the nerve to bring it up. She threw it out there like a grenade but refused to pull the pin, expecting him to be the one to do it. 

“What happened in prison?” It was JJ who asked, of course it was. “What don’t you want us to know?”

“It’s nothing.” Spencer hissed. “Goddamnit Emily, did you really have to say that?” 

“Don’t hiss at me like that.” Emily shook her head at him angrily. 

“You aren’t my boss, I can talk to you however I like.” Spencer growled. “You had no right to bring that up in front of everyone.” 

“I’m your friend and I’m worried about you.” She shrugged. 

“You had no right to mention it.” He repeated. “What happened to me is nobody's business but my own. So stay the fuck out of it.” 

“Spencer!” Garcia gasped. “What has gotten into you?” 

“I’m not the same person I was.” He grunted. “Look I didn’t want this, I don’t want to fight. I just need to say goodbye.” 

Silence flooded over them all again, the impending end was heavy in the air. None wanted to speak, none wanted to bring this to its closure. So Spencer spoke again. 

“You’ve all been such a huge part of my life and I love you all from the bottom of my heart.” He wasn’t entirely sure he meant to look at Luke but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. “You meant the whole world to me, I wouldn’t change a single second of what we had. But I have to move on, I have to heal. I’m sorry this has to be the end but it’s the only way.” 

If anyone else noticed Spencer was talking solely to Luke, no one mentioned as much. But Luke knew, and he gave a soft nod as his vision blurred with tears. 

“We, uh, we love you too man.” Luke replied. “You’ll always be a big part of my heart - our hearts I mean.” 

The others sent their kind words Spencer’s way but he was still staring at Luke and Luke at him, eventually they fell quiet and Spencer forced his eyes off of his ex.

“Uh, bye then I guess.” Spencer shrugged. 

“Bye kid, stay safe out there.” Rossi nodded at him.

“Bye Reid,” Tara smiled sadly. 

“Oh I hate goodbyes!” Penelope was crying now. “Love you boy wonder, goodbye.” 

“Goodbye, Spence.” JJ wiped her own eyes. 

“We’ll always be here if you ever change your mind.” Emily added. 

When he looked back at the space Luke had previously been occupying, it was empty. Luke was gone. 

Spencer swallowed, trying to hide his upset at the fact Luke had fled in such a way before he’d technically gotten to say goodbye to him. 

Before he could show how much it hurt he ended the call and sighed heavily. Before he got back up he went through their numbers one by one and blocked them before deleting their numbers. But just as he was about to do the same to Luke’s contact information, a text appeared on his screen. 

📲 Luke Alvez: I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye. I really do wish you all the best but I just can’t let myself believe this is really over. I will always love you, Spencer Reid. 

Spencer felt his chest tighten as he read over the words a few times. And then he blocked Luke’s number, forgetting to delete it like the others. Perhaps it had been subconscious, or perhaps he’d deliberately kept it, he wasn’t sure. 

Either way he had removed them from his life so he could take this step forward without putting you in danger. 

***

Two days later Spencer’s ranch was up for sale with a local realtor but the two of you didn’t have the luxury in sticking around and waiting for it to sell. 

He’d managed to get another nearby rancher to take on his cattle and, somewhat reluctantly on his part, Wilbur and Franklin too. Although he didn’t have as strong of a connection with them as he did with Willow, he was going to miss his two stallions a great deal. 

Spencer had purchased a horse trailer which could be hooked up to the back of your car for Rusty and Willow and the rest of the backseat and trunk were filled with Spencer’s belongings, which were mostly books. 

He sat in the passenger seat while you arranged the last few things on the backseat and checked the trailer was secure, assuring Willow and Rusty with pats on their heads that they were okay. 

He stared out at his lodge, the one he’d called home for two years and the For Sale sign stuck in the dirt. He was growing wistful at an alarming rate, feeling his vision blurring with unshed tears. 

He’d never made a home here quite like he had in DC but for some reason this was harder to leave behind. He’d loved his apartment in the city, lived there for most of his adult life, but he’d given it up without a second thought. 

Perhaps because here on his ranch in Bandera it was the life he’d chosen. DC and the FBI had been thrust upon him by Jason Gideon, not that he minded that and he was grateful for Gideon’s persistence to have him on the team. But it never really left Spencer any room to choose his own path.

With his intelligence he could have done just about anything, he’d thought he might have long ago cured schizophrenia. But Gideon had pursued him, claiming the young genius as his own prized pig for the BAU to show off. Moving to Texas was probably the first thing he’d done for himself his entire life. 

Sure, he still wasn’t making any medical breakthroughs or using his brain to help the world. But this life was so simple, something he’d sorely needed after years of chasing criminals. But now instead of chasing them, he was going on the run with one. 

Really if he stopped to think about it, it was insane. He’d spent fifteen years protecting and serving, bringing people like you to justice. He should just turn you in, then he could keep his ranch and not have to cut his friends out of his life. 

But you had opened up Spencer’s eyes. In meeting you, Spencer finally understood why he’d never made things work with anyone else. Life just made so much sense to him now. 

Relationships of any kind for him had always been about compromising pieces of himself. With Ethan he’d become subservient, as was par for the course for a first relationship he was a moldable putty in Ethan’s hands. He said and did what he thought the other man wanted whether or not Spencer himself wanted it too. 

With Lila and Ivy the woman he’d had a one night stand with after Maeve’s death and Caleb with whom he’d had a six month booty call with, he’d conceded parts of himself for the sake of casual sex. He’d lessened his own values for the sake of other people. And with Maeve herself he often dumbed himself down to allow her to feel superior. 

And then there was Luke, who Spencer didn’t realise until it was over just how compromised he’d let himself become. Luke was traumatised from serving overseas, needed something to focus his mind on to quell his own darkness. Spencer permitted himself to fall into the role of beta, not that it was a hard persona to emulate. 

He was for the most part a submissive person, but mostly in part because he’d always been pushed into that mantle. Sometimes he thought it might be nice to have a little control in his own life, in his own decision making but with Luke that was taken away. 

He didn’t mind, for the most part. But now he looked back on it there were times where he’d wished he’d been able to make even the simplest choice of what they were having for dinner or what movie to watch. 

He didn’t need to be an alpha and honestly he probably wouldn’t even know what to do with that kind of dominance. But Luke coddled him as though he wasn’t able to make his own decisions, handled him with kid gloves as though Spencer was one moment away from breaking at all times.

And that was even before prison. 

Even with his friends, his team, Spencer compromised himself for their own happiness and well-being. He slotted into roles that needed filling in their lives rather than forging his own. He was what people needed him to be. He was malleable. He was a hunk of clay just waiting to be sculpted by those around him. 

But then he met you and he finally understood what it was like to not have to bend to the will of others, to shape himself around the demands of others. 

In moving to Texas and being alone for so long he was able to start forming himself away from the ordinance of the people around him. He started to discover exactly who Spencer Reid was in his most authentic incarnation. 

Upon meeting you he did not bend, he did not falter. And he found that someone actually loved him for who he was when he was just himself and not trying to appease or alter himself to be deemed fit. 

So he would miss his ranch, no doubt. He would miss his friends despite the fact they barely talked anymore. But the decision to leave with you was an unimaginably easy one. You didn’t love him for the person he could be, you loved him the raw version of him, the real, uncensored Spencer Reid. 

The driver’s door opened and you slid in with a smile, rolling down the window and lighting a cigarette between your lips. You turned to him as you started the engine reaching across the centre console and giving his hand a squeeze.

“You ready for this, stud?” You cocked an eyebrow at him. “Not too late to change your mind.”

He waited until you took a drag, exhaling the smoke out of the window before he gripped the back of your head and drew you close for a kiss. 

“Y/N,” he spoke once he pulled back, tucking your hair behind your ear. “I have never been more sure about anything in my life. I know things haven’t always gone smoothly for us, I guess we’re both just a little…rusty.” He chuckled and you did too. “But practice makes perfect, right? And I’m fairly certain we’ll figure it out together.” 

You smiled brightly at him, taking another drag on the cigarette before putting the car in reverse. Spencer took one last look at the place he’d called home for two years, wistful but excited for what the future held. 

You dangled your arm out of the window and with a wink sent his way you spoke in mirth, “Well then cowboy, we better giddy up.”  

@kalulakunundrum @katrina0-0 @bakugouswh0r3 @prettyboyandthefangirl @zooni92802 @babyspiderling

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hello! May I request H J L N T X Z with Caine and s/o? Take your time and have a good night!! Also get some water, Kay?

Fluff alphabet w/ Caine! (3)

requests may be a little slow/less abundant today since i woke up in a sour mood + im feeling a little ill SOBS

HARSH- oddly enough i dont really see any possible arguments for you two, sure you guys will probably have disagreements or misunderstanding (especially since caine is new to the whole dating thing) but i actually see you guys being fine in this regard! should you guys butt heads bad enough to cause issues, though, i think its a coin toss to see who tries to make it right first

JEALOUSY- this man does not handle it well, he probably swoops you up in his arms and carries you around in the air if someone openly flirts with you (good news is that its a quick escape if the person is making you uncomfortable!) but outside of that he's fairly self assured, he may be new to love but he knows his worth and has trust in you! what a king

LOVE LANGUAGE- said it once and ill say it again, this man will spoil you in digital gifts! flowers, jewelry, the works! giving gifts is how he shows his love, as well as him outright professing his love for you in some sappy cliche monologue that you would see in some romance film

NO- building off the H segment and the idea that you're caine's first partner and he doesnt quite yet know whats a deal breaker for him.. hmm.. i think if you pose a threat to his programming as well as the general programming of the digital world, since that can put both him and everyone else at risk.. but thats like saying waking up to your partner fiddling with your guts is a deal breaker, it goes without saying that it would be a hard no

TUNES- first thing that comes to mind is this bad boy!

XOXO- leaves little trinkets for you in your room, since i think he can just. come into anyone's rooms whenever without the need for a key :0! you tend to wake up to breakfast in bed everyday.. which is sweet, even if you dont need to eat

ZZZ- caine doesnt need to sleep, but i also think unlike the members he cant sleep if he really wanted to.. so he kind of just. pretends; going limp, perhaps even pretending to snore as well.. as long as you dont know hes faking its not that awkward..! actually, its... sweet now that i think about it, think of it as him wanting to spend time with you and watch over you during your most vulnerable times

[blackcatruse]

𝔣𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔞𝔰𝔥𝔢𝔰

«prev. ❃ next» ❃ first chapter ❃ m.list ❃ ao3 pairing: r. haitani/fem!reader ↳ she/her, fem descriptors, nickname ❃ chapter synopsis: a job is a job, even if it's a trap. we'll try to outmaneuver them, but nothing is guaranteed. word count: 4.9k chapter cw(s): swearing, possible ooc, a little violence, 3rd person POV a/n: we're in the endgame now folks! i was working on a rough outline for the end of ashes and it looks like we've got about 9 chapters to go. thank you for reading so far!

The abandoned bar smelled like stale piss, cigarette smoke, and old wood. Rindou was sure he was going to get some kind of disease by sitting on the flat cushions of this ratty sofa. Beside him Ran and Kakucho were looking equally uncomfortable. The only one unbothered by the biohazard of a meeting place was the client. The second job was finally being planned out, but with recent events, Kakucho thought it would be wise to speak to the client about it.

The stout man snuffed his cigarette in the ashtray on the bar. He spoke in fairly fluent Japanese, but the lilting accent he had made processing his words difficult. Several thick envelopes sat on the table between Rokuhara and the client. “Seems easy enough, no?”

“It does, but we do have some concerns,” Kakucho said. “There’s been a bit of trouble with rival gangs and many jobs have either been an attempted ambush or a lie. Surely you understand our hesitancy.”

The man lit another cigarette and took a long drag before he spoke. “That’s the first I’ve heard of it,” he said. “It’s a simple trade deal.”

A simple trade deal that was worth a significant amount of yen—enough that it made three of the top men of Rokuhara Tandai give pause. They were definitely trafficking something more than drugs, but the information wasn’t disclosed. A fact that didn’t go unmissed when the job was initially offered months ago.

From what Rindou understood, whatever was in the envelopes wasn’t money, and all they had to do was take it to the other party. It was valuable and sealed with tamper proof tape so peeking was dissuaded. The items had finally been paid for, and now the goods needed to be transported. Instead of risking his own beefy neck, the client decided to hire a local gang with a big presence. They would simply be intermediaries, but both this client and the recipient were paying handsomely for the job.

There was no guarantee that this job wasn’t a trap, and weighing the risks against the benefits proved to be a harder decision than Rindou wanted to think about. If they declined the job, then an enemy gang would be transporting goods through Minato ward. And that could start a war. Doing business through or in any place that wasn’t your home turf was just asking for a beating. And if the gang was close-knit, the chance of war avenging their injured member was much higher.

That was how they caught Lotus, after all. Yet Ran and Rindou didn’t know who Lotus was until they overheard a group talking about Wuxing. Until that night, Wuxing was just a whisper that rippled through the top gangs. Their members were at the top of their game and kept so far under the radar they were just rumors. But they existed. And Rindou was working with the best runner they had.

“You have a good runner don’t you?” the client asked. “The job should be a breeze then. Quick in and out.”

On the chance the opportunity was genuine, they’d be passing up a lot of money. It was enough for them to match Kanto Manji’s money-making genius Kokonoi. Did they risk it? Did they endanger themselves on the off chance these parties weren’t trying to overthrow one of the Three Deities? Rindou was glad he didn’t have to make the final call, and a quick glance at Ran showed that his brother didn’t either. Right now, tensions were too high and the consequences of accepting a fake job weren’t worth the risk. But was the money? Going toe-to-toe financially with Kanto Manji would be big news. Maybe enough to shatter the stalemate. Brahman could be left behind, but Rindou knew that Wuxing contributed heavily to their finances.

“I hope you understand that the safety of my men is my top priority,” Kakucho said. He fixed the man with a stony stare, but the man just shrugged and flicked his cigarette.

“You know how this world is,” the man said flippantly. He examined his nails to emphasize that he didn’t care what happened to the team that took the job. “You can’t make it without risk.”

“That’s easy to say when you’re not the one doing the job,” Rindou snapped. He hadn’t meant to vocalize the thought, but it got the attention of all the men in the room. Time to back up his words. “What happens if we end up arrested or worse? Then what do you do? The goods could be lost, and then where does that leave you? Wouldn’t you want to ensure that the team delivering this”—Rindou gestured to the envelopes on the table—“is safe? Or at least guaranteed to not get into too much trouble?”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Ran give him a long glance. Kakucho was nodding along, and the man tensed. A robust shade of red crept up the man’s neck and Rindou felt a small prick of pride. The client’s next words were going to have to be carefully chosen.

“I agree,” Ran piped up. His lazy arrogance bled through every word, presenting itself as a “speak when spoken to” air.

Rindou knew this tone well. He could see the client’s forehead break into a sweat. Were negotiations always like this? No wonder Lotus was bitter all the fucking time. This was annoying. These men were nothing but walking contradictions, willing to say anything and hope that their business partners were too stupid to notice the fluctuation in stance.

Pinned under the gaze of three men, the client actually took a small step back. Ran didn’t break eye contact with the man as he continued on, “If this deal doesn’t go through, it’s no loss to us.”

A lie, but Rindou knew Ran spilled lies disguised as truths all the time. His brother was convincing and quick on his feet. If it were a battle of words, very few people stood a chance of winning against the silver-tongued Ran Haitani.

“However, if we find anyone running goods through Minato ward, we won’t hesitate to take action. How many dead men are you willing to leave behind to claw your way to the top? Do you have that kind of conviction?”

“What do the lives of a few measly runners mean to me?” the man scoffed, trying to deflect. His voice wavered. Just a little more of a push and they’d have their answers.

“Wrong answer,” Ran chimed. He stood to his full height and stared down at the man. Somewhere in the transition, Ran’s baton had found its way into his hands. “Let’s try this again, shall we?”

A sickening crack sounded as Ran brought the baton down on the man’s wrist. The cigarette in his hands was dropped as the man yelped. The man cradled his injured arm and finally had the decency to look scared when Ran stepped forward, snuffing out the cigarette with his boot. “You aren’t in a position to be this haughty. You’re just a grunt worker aren’t you?” The warning tone in Ran’s voice was enough that Rindou’s instincts were telling him to run to the nearest bakery and get a mont blanc.

Tense, silent moments passed between the men before Ran took his seat again. He still maintained eye contact with the client. “Keep your wrist in mind when we ask these next questions. We don’t take kindly to being scorned.” A smug grin crossed Ran’s face. “So let’s be friends, yeah?”

Kakucho sighed. Rindou knew he was thinking about damage control now. This was not part of the plan for the night, but fear worked as a potent motivator.

Asking directly if the job was a set up wasn’t going to yield any useful answers. People like this man would lie and say anything to cover their asses. Disguising.

“Surely you understand our hesitancy given recent events?” Ran prompted again.

All it took was a slight motion from Ran and the man was blabbering a flurry of indiscernible words. Somewhere in there was an affirmation, because Ran leaned back and resumed lazing around like nothing happened.

“I-I swear I know nothing about the incidents you’re referring to,” the man stuttered. His voice was strained and weak. “I was just told to make sure these got delivered.”

All eyes flicked to the sealed envelopes on the table. Ran leaned forward and picked up an envelope with a gloved hand. The man let out a pathetic whimper. “Do you know what’s in these?” Ran asked, eyes flashing towards the man.

“N-no,” the man said quickly. “I-I was just told to—”

The resounding slam of the goods on the table cut the man off. Ran sat up straighter and mocked the man, “‘I-I was just told’—yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re just the messenger right? You got a way we can contact your boss?”

“I-I can try to,” the man said, fumbling his burner phone with trembling hands.

While the man dialed a number, Ran looked at Kakucho with a smirk. Kakucho sighed and dragged a hand down his face. Rindou nodded in his brother’s direction. Ran just smiled and whispered to his brother, “If he wasn’t going to comply, I was gonna ask you to do what you do best.”

Rindou stared at the sorry excuse of a man and shook his head. “No way, I’m not touching that greasy asshole.”

Ran chuckled. “Hmm, neither would I.”

“He-here,” the man said, putting the phone in the middle of the table. He pressed the speaker button and the grainy ringing filled the room.

If the boss didn’t pick up, negotiations would have to be restarted at a later time, which would be an inconvenience at best. Rindou didn’t know if he had it in him to sit and talk about this at another time. Especially not when it was probably well into the unholy hours of the night. The analog clock behind the bar was shattered and frozen, serving no real use. Kind of like the bumbling idiot in front of him.

A click, then a gruff voice answered, “What?”

Something about it was off, like the person on the other end was pretending to be someone else. What a weak persona this boss had.

“Boss, Rokuhara Tandai has some”—the man paused, flickering eyes going over the top three members of the gang—“concerns they’d like to address.”

The pause was heavy. “What concerns?” A hint of uncertainty underlaid the voice.

Rindou glanced at his brother, who nodded. Ran had picked up on it too.

It was time for Kakucho to be the diplomat. “There have been reports of fake deals, a handful of which we have experienced, that leave a trail of dead bodies. Our last job from an outside client was compromised, so we are cautious when approaching this one. Your subordinate did not take our concerns very seriously.”

“I see,” the voice mused. “You value your men, don’t you? That’s not common these days.” Another moment of contemplation passed before the voice spoke again. “I had also heard some rumors, so I understand where you’re coming from. You’d be smart to not believe me when I say this, but this job is the real deal. We can wire our half of the payment and I hope that will suffice as proof. The other party will wire theirs when the goods are delivered.”

Kakucho exchanged glances with the Haitani brothers. Silent communication was easy to the former Tenjiku members. Half of the promised payment was not a value to be disregarded. It seemed convincing, and if the boss had also heard of the fake deals… but the underground wasn’t known for its honesty. On the other hand, business was sacred between gangs. If a faction was known for lying, cheating, or stealing, they would usually die out in a few months. This wasn’t always the case, but any respectable gang would keep their side of the bargain.

There were too many things going on and it made Rindou glad he didn’t have to make any major decisions. He just followed what Kakucho or Ran asked him to do and occasionally voiced opinions. It got more complicated the more Rindou thought about it. There was someone out there trying to tip the scales, but Rokuhara had to find a way to stay a step ahead and come out on top.

Fuck it, Rindou wasn’t going to think about it anymore. Leave that to the others. Kakucho was going to make the final call anyway, so what Rindou thought didn’t ultimately matter.

Kakucho looked at both Rindou and Ran, and the subtle expression he gave them made the question abundantly clear, Do we risk it and trust them?

Rindou glanced at his older brother. Ran’s expression was contemplative and calculating. His eyes flashed as he nodded at Kakucho. They were taking the deal. They were risking it. Ran must’ve thought of something, or Rindou was mistakenly putting too much faith in his brother.

“We appreciate the gesture,” Kakucho said, clearing his throat. “We will continue with the deal.”

“Good, good,” the voice said, almost a bit too eagerly. “You’ve got a good team for the job, I’ve heard.”

“We’re still assembling a good team,” Kakucho said carefully. “But I place my trust in them to get the job done.”

“Yes, yes, of course. I have no doubts you will do your best with that pretty little runner on your side.”

Alarm bells immediately went off in Rindou’s head. He sat up a little straighter, but otherwise gave no indication to what he caught onto. Kakucho was equally straight faced and Ran just looked bored, but the men all exchanged rapid glances and they all knew. They said nothing, and carefully watched the fat man across from them. The bumbling idiot wasn’t even paying attention to how the Rokuhara Tandai executives were behaving. He was too busy dabbing sweat from his brow and staring at the phone.

“The money will be wired and we will send details of the handoff in the next few days,” the boss confirmed.

“Perfect,” Kakucho said, nodding in confirmation. “We will await your information.”

The call clicked and silence permeated throughout the room. The client snatched his phone off the table, but none of the men missed the shaking hands.

“If that is all that needs to be discussed,” Kakucho said diplomatically, “then we will be taking our leave.”

When the man said nothing, Kakucho bid him a goodnight and motioned for the Haitani brothers to follow Kakucho out. Ran lazily picked up the envelopes and tucked them in his pockets. Rindou felt a flash of amusement as the client paled when Ran made eye contact and produced a casual smile.

Once the trio emerged into the chill of the night air, they looked around and quickened their pace. They made it a few blocks down before Rindou decided to state the obvious, “So this is a trap, right?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Ran agreed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if their fumbles were intentional though. What’re we gonna try to do about it since we’re continuing with the job? They know Lotus is a part of it. Do we just let them take her?”

Rindou frowned, but Kakucho supplied an answer before he could. “No, if Lotus is a key player with whoever’s in the shadows, it would be advantageous to have her.”

“So we’re going to try to get the jump on these guys? Act like we don’t know anything and figure out our own trap?” Ran asked.

“Something like that,” Kakucho confirmed. “We need to meet with Lotus as soon as possible.” Both Kakucho and Ran looked at Rindou, who threw his hands up.

“Seriously? We’re still on this train?”

“You’re the only one who talks to her,” Kakucho pointed out.

Ran twirled one of his braids around a finger. “I don’t want to talk to her, so that only leaves you, Rin.”

Rindou rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. Whatever, I’ll—”

The vibration of his phone in his pocket stopped him mid-sentence. Who the hell was texting him at—he looked at the time on his phone screen—four in the fucking morning? It was an unsaved number, but he recognized it almost instantly. Speak of the devil and she shall appear.

Ignoring the confused glances from Ran and Kakucho, Rindou opened his messages to see what the fuck Lotus wanted. She was supposed to be waiting for them to contact her, and she had no reason to reach out otherwise. It was a picture message, which Rindou thought was weirder. What would she even have to send him? Once the picture loaded, he blinked once, then twice, and then frowned. It was a crudely drawn knot pattern, intricate and dizzying. The text read “does this look familiar to u?”

It did look a touch familiar. Why did she need to know about that? He wasn’t going to confront her about the reason until later, because she could easily just brush him off. Instead, he responded to her asking why the hell she was awake and that he would ask around.

As Rindou typed furiously in response, Ran walked over and peered at his screen. Not wanting to be left out, Kakucho also approached and all three men were standing, staring down at Rindou’s phone. Once Rindou sent the message he looked up at the others. “Can I help you?”

“What did she want?” Ran asked, his face subtly twitched like he was struggling to keep a straight face.

Rindou went back to the picture message and opened the attachment. “She wanted to know if we knew anything about this.”

Ran squinted and leaned in a little too close. Blind ass motherfucker and his disregard for personal space. “Oh,” he said, standing back up. “That’s the same as the tattoo on that dude in the alley.” Ran dug in his own pockets for his phone and opened the photo gallery. He showed the screen to Rindou. “They’re the same, aren’t they?”

Rindou looked back and forth between the pictures. They were the same image, but they had no idea what it meant. Lotus may have that information, and they needed to get it from her.

“So you’re asking me to walk right into a trap?” Lotus asked, leaning back with an irritating cockiness. “The last time I tried to get a leg up on these guys, I got a concussion. One that I’m still recovering from, mind you.”

There was no good response to her assessment. Yes, they were asking her to risk her safety again. She could say no, but she wasn’t in a good position to negotiate.

“We are,” Kakucho acknowledged.

Lotus slumped down in her seat, all traces of pride gone. Her eyes were closed as she tilted her face to the ceiling. “This is all bullshit,” she muttered. “Why don’t they just kill me? What’s the point of keeping me alive?”

Kakucho’s brow furrowed with concern, Ran’s eyes narrowed, and Rindou looked at her from the side of his eyes. If she noticed all of them staring, she didn’t give any indication. Rindou thought that she looked… tired. There were dark circles under her eyes that were only emphasized by the glaring overhead lights. Her tone wasn’t as sharp. Something was off.

“If you have any—” Lotus put up a hand, immediately cutting Kakucho off. Ran was glaring daggers at the Wuxing runner and Rindou just slightly shook his head.

“I know some things,” she said. “I don’t know if this information is going to help you. Nothing about this whole shitshow makes sense, nor do I know why I’m in the middle of it.” Lotus sat back up and opened her eyes. “Can you guarantee my safety if I do this for you?”

“We can’t promise that kind of—”

Lotus cut off Kakucho again. Her eyes burned with frustration and she looked at Kakucho directly. “You’re going to have to,” she said. “My own gang didn’t get to me until I was nearly out of their hands. Forgive me if I’m a bit hesitant.”

The bite in her tone was unfamiliar. Usually there was sarcasm dripping from each word, but this time the bitterness sharpened each syllable. This was a side of Lotus that Rindou had not seen before, and he could only wonder what pushed her this far. Rindou was unfortunately familiar with how Lotus operated. He’d seen her at a jubilant high. He’d seen her at an inescapable low. He’d seen how she dons arrogance like armor. But this pure frustration and exhaustion was new. How many breaking points could one girl have?

“I understand,” Kakucho said, nodding. His gentle tone was attempting to placate the edge in Lotus’s expression. “You’re not wrong for wanting to keep yourself safe. We will do our best.”

Lotus didn’t look convinced. “I guess that’s as good as it’s going to get,” she said with a resigned sigh. “Okay. What’s the details? What’s going on?”

Ran tossed the envelopes on the table between them and Lotus stared down at them. “The fuck are those?” she asked.

“We don’t know,” Ran answered. “The client just said we were supposed to deliver these.”

Lotus slowly looked up, her brows furrowed with concern. “That’s it? And they’re trying to get the jump on you using this?” She gestured to the envelopes. “Based on what they’re paying you, this is too simple a job. Either they’ve got the Prime Minister’s personal documents, or there’s nothing in these. Are they stupid?”

“They’re not exactly trying to be subtle,” Rindou muttered. “They let several things slip while we were meeting with the client. They’re either incredibly incompetent, or they’re geniuses.”

Lotus nodded in agreement. “Alright, so we’re going to play into their hands? You sure you want me around for that? Anyone in Rokuhara could see me, and let’s be real, that spells trouble for all of us. Especially since Wuxing is keeping me caged with all this fuckery around this other gang.”

That caught their attention. It was another gang. “What do you know?” Kakucho asked.

“Not much,” Lotus said, the edge of her voice defensive. “This gang has beef with Wuxing, so I don’t know why they’re messing with you. They haven’t targeted Brahman as a whole though, which I think is weird. Or the executive we’re in contact with is lying to us, which I wouldn’t be surprised about either. Nothing makes sense and knowing that this gang followed Wuxing here doesn’t add anything of value. They’re just pissed at Kirin about something being stolen.”

“And they’re targeting you, specifically, right?” Ran asked.

“Yeah,” Lotus confirmed. “I don’t get it either.”

“You think you were the thing stolen?” Ran asked.

“I considered it,” Lotus answered almost hesitantly. “But it doesn’t add up because I didn’t know about Wuxing until my brother got tangled up with them. If I was taken, wouldn’t Wuxing want to keep a closer eye on me?”

“Who’s to say they weren’t?”

The statement gave Lotus pause, and Rindou was impressed that Ran could actually get her to stop talking. Rindou could see the gears turning in her head as she mulled it over.

“Fuck,” she hissed. “It’s not impossible for that to be true. Shika was right, we need a corkboard and string.”

“You look like you need a drink,” Ran commented lightly. The snide undertone did not go unmissed.

Lotus glared at him. “No thanks. Alcohol and I don’t get along.” Ran opened his mouth to say something, but Lotus immediately shut him up with, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before. If I were drunk it’d be easier right? I wouldn’t be such a bitch?”

Rindou stared at the way Ran shut his mouth and frowned. It was impressive that Lotus was able to get Ran to shut up and match his snark, but Rindou needed a drink if these two assholes were going to keep bickering. Just the thought of them escalating the insults was enough to give him a headache, and judging by Kakucho’s irritated expression, Rindou knew he felt the exact same.

“Knock it off, you two,” Kakucho snapped. “Be civil.”

Lotus crossed her arms and Ran scowled, but neither said anything else. They were glaring daggers at each other throughout the rest of the meeting. The conversation went over Rindou’s head while the others discussed logistics and plans. He really had to stop zoning out during these briefs, because now everyone was staring at him.

“What?” he asked.

“Do you just let your brain leave whenever we talk strategy?” Lotus asked, annoyed. She rolled her eyes and Ran’s eyes narrowed at her as she went on. “Okay, so, long story short, it’s us as a team again to drop off the envelopes. The others are going to be waiting off to the side to see if they can get the jump on the culprits.”

“Are you just going to let yourself be seen? Don’t you have an issue with that?” Rindou asked.

“I changed my mind because at this point does it matter? Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.” Lotus shrugged with indifference. “Besides, you’re not going to be able to barter for my freedom with all this shit going down. Wuxing won’t let me walk while this other gang’s whereabouts are unknown. If my life is always gonna be in danger, at least I could do something cool while endangering it.”

Kakucho’s disappointed stare just made Lotus grin and shoot finger guns at him. She dropped the act after a few moments and sighed. “We’re teamed up because we need someone from Rokuhara to vouch for me as the runner. Meanwhile Ran and Kakucho will be sweeping the area with other members. We make the trade and book it.”

Rindou groaned. Lotus simply nodded without saying anything. The tiredness in her expression seemed to multiply the longer the silence stretched on. How much shit was she dealing with? She’s not telling them something and Rindou had half a mind to start prying. She probably wouldn’t even tell him what was going on. The information she’d already told them was the extent of what she was willing to share.

Lotus caught him staring and raised a brow at him. “Can I help you?” she asked, voice flat.

“Uh, no,” Rindou said, tearing his eyes from her.

Lotus muttered under her breath, just barely loud enough for Rindou to catch it, “I know I look like shit but you don’t have to gawk.”

The amused snort Rindou let out was automatic. Yeah, she did look bad, but he was trying to avoid commenting on how she looked. It was a pattern Lotus pointed out to him and now Rindou was extra aware of what he said to her.

“You said it, not me,” Rindou practically whispered back.

Lotus’s head snapped towards Rindou. He gave no indication that he noticed or cared, but he could feel her stare burning through him.

Finally fed up, Kakucho called for Lotus’s attention. The runner looked over and tilted her head. “What else do you need?” she asked innocently.

“Nothing. We’ll be in touch for the date of the job,” Kakucho said, dismissing her.

“You say ‘we’, but you really mean Rindou don’t you? He’s the only one who texts me anyway,” she pointed out. She stood up from her chair and stretched her arms. “Alright I’ll be waiting. Not like I’ve got anywhere to go. See ya round boys.”

With that, Lotus left the three men sitting at the table. She turned back around once to blow a kiss in Rindou’s direction. His annoyance was overrun by the sudden embarrassment that made his face hot. She shouldn’t get to him that much! Ran had planted the dumb idea of Lotus in Rindou’s head. That’s exactly what was happening. He didn’t even remotely like her.

However, when it came to antagonizing Rindou, his brother would stop at nothing. Ran’s gaze tracked Lotus until she was out of sight and then he turned his attention to Rindou. “Stop looking at me like that,” Rindou snapped, trying not to stumble over the words.

“Looking at you like what?” Ran asked, his tone too sweet for the mocking grin on his face.

Rindou was not going to play into Ran’s hands. He knew what his brother was trying to set up, so Rindou had to choose his next words carefully. Luckily Kakucho intervened before Rindou could say anything stupid.

“There’s something she’s not telling us,” Kakucho said, pointing out the obvious.

“Oh yeah, absolutely,” Ran chimed in. “Should we try and figure it out?” He rested his chin on his hands and looked at Rindou. “Think you can sweet talk her?”

“No,” Rindou deadpanned immediately. “I’m not being friendly with her.”

“But you show concern for her wellbeing?” Ran raised a brow.

Rindou threw his hands up in the air. “Because she was a vital part of the last job! She wasn’t at the top of her game, and we needed things to go as smoothly as possible—which could only be done if she recovered some.”

It was sound logic. Practically unbreakable, but somehow Ran poked holes right through the thin explanation. “And the rescue mission?”

“Didn’t wanna owe her anything after saving my ass,” Rindou muttered. “Also if she were kidnapped, we wouldn’t have the skilled personnel for this job. The assignment was unknown, but had I known how simple the job would be, I probably would’ve made peace with letting her be an idiot.”

Rindou thought his explanations were sufficient enough, but he knew somehow, deep down, he didn’t quite believe what he said.

Please do not reupload, translate, or steal my work! If it isn't here or on my ao3, it's not me! Likes & reblogs appreciated! <3 Dividers courtesy of @/cafekitsune & @/firefly-graphics

[kariachi]

Oh look, sad Argit fic.

Argit is there with Kevin on my list of 'fuckers who are going to have to have a fucking meltdown eventually because they have been through Too Much Too Young with Too Little Support'. So have a meltdown.

~~

He would maintain until the day he died that it hadn’t made any fucking sense. Things had been going well, not just in that moment but overall. He was prominent enough, Kevin was prominent enough, for folks to think twice about giving him trouble. Business was stable and his political ambitions showing great promise. He was healthier than he’d been ever, repairing things with Kevin, for the first time in ages not counting on some other schmuck to make sure his bills were paid. He even kind of, almost, had friends besides Kevin, something he’d never even considered a possibility.

Life was good. He had quite literally been sitting at his desk, having a snack, reveling in how nice it was to have food readily available.

Somehow that had slipped into thinking about all those times it wasn’t. About Kevin grabbing energy behind his back to make sure he had enough to eat. Stealing scraps from his siblings. Learning to hunt because even when there was almost enough rarely did it make its way to the runt of the middle litter. How many times had he had to sneak and fight and struggle to get the basics? Sure it meant he’d been ready when he’d fallen behind (been abandoned, he was old enough, if he couldn’t keep up Ma wouldn’t- a thought quickly shoved back into its box) but even then nothing had ever come easy. Even Kevin’d had it better, mostly fed and sheltered for his earliest years, for all he couldn’t hold it against him like he couldn’t help doing with others.

Others who had the pure fucking gall to judge them, to judge him, for the shit they’d done to survive. For the crime, for the lies, for deaths and- and worse things he’d done to keep himself, to keep Kevin, afloat. With the only relief empty promises of a better life someday and knowing that at least his Ma wasn’t profiting from any of it, better than his- (back in the box) As if you didn’t learn quick how to run a con when you were born for them, to use big eyes in a gaunt face to get food and supplies out of people doing no better than your family was, to be a distraction, slip into places the older set couldn’t fit, do the dirty work your parents didn’t have to do for themselves now (back in the box).

It was easy to hold your nose in the air when you weren’t having to choose if the risks of jail time were worth having shelter for a night. Dealing with Kevin’s worst days, where he could barely hold himself together enough not to hurt you. Clenching your teeth as adults took advantage of you, because it was slightly better to be used right until they pushed too far. Waiting with bated breath for everybody, anybody, to push too far.  Watching Kevin beat and maul, putting knives and laserfire through people yourself, because you’re both so young, so vulnerable, and inside and out of the criminal underworld people can smell it like a trail of blood.

When you weren’t accepting money for your own mother with a smile like you didn’t want to vomit (back in-). Like it wasn’t near enough self-defense, like she wasn’t just another trying to make a profit off your Kevin. Like you don’t know exactly the sort of shit that would happen to her, is likely happening to your siblings. Like you haven’t seen it, haven’t dealt with exactly the types in all the worst ways possible.

As if there’s not a sick twisting in you at the thought she’s probably proud, to this day, that you’re just like her. A selfish, twisted person who cares and acts only for themself. Like something out of your nightmares-

He’d learned young that crying wasn’t worth it. What could come of it? The threat of violence from his parents. Actual violence from them. A distraction from the difficult task of surviving. Proof that he was weak and vulnerable. A reminder to those around him of how young he had been, how small. There was nothing to gain, no benefit. Better instead to shove such strong feelings down, lock them away where they couldn’t hurt you. Bad things happened, so what? It was life. You shoved down the pain and kept going, because who would keep you alive otherwise? Who would keep Kevin- always too contrary to accept these hard truths, too emotional, too hopeful- alive? You took whatever blows to body, soul, you needed to, learned your lessons, and then you left it behind.

It was only because of Kevin he’d even had a clue what was happening, when his breaths came rough and staggered, vision blurred and eyes burning. He’d tucked his chin, a hand clapping over his muzzle as panic rose behind everything else. A familiar fear, knowledge ingrained from the pouch of coming danger. Like so many times, in so many lesser cases, he tried to shove the thoughts and emotions into storage, only succeeding in forcing more up into the forefront of his mind. The nasty circumstances and aftermath of his first kill. Too many nights hungry. The day he’d learned that more than the Null Void had made his childhood abnormal. How stupid he’d been to believe Masloph when he’d said he loved him, when he should have known well enough it didn’t exist, and that even if it did he was too much his mother’s child for it-

He couldn’t have told you how long he’d been fighting and losing before Solid Plugg popped his head in the office. Saying something he couldn’t hear over the blood pounding in his ears, the way his breathing stopped. By the time he’d realized the state he was in, bolting from the door, embarrassment was slipping into the spiral of his mind, joining the fear, the pain, the anger, the regrets- too damn much all, at once, for anyone to deal with. Enough to have him clawing at himself like always seemed to work for Kevin why wasn’t it fucking working-

When Ben and Rook arrived, he couldn’t have stopped himself throwing things at them, snarling, so that they left.

By the time Kevin got there he was curled up under his desk, still going at full bore. Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, couldn’t smell the blood through a clogged nose.

It was only wearing himself to sleep in Kevin’s arms, his tone- worried, subdued - coming through more than his words, hand working comfortingly at his tattered ear, that managed to stop the tears.

Even then, it happened twice more in the next two days.

[tarot-by-e11e]

Hi. I'd love to join your newest game. Here are the following information:

1. Initials: IEKA

2. Go-to-Self-Empowering song: Karera (this was actually a hard question for me to answer since it took me time to think about the answer but this song is by a filipino girl group, BINI. Actually had 2 groups in mind but I went with the recent song I kept on listening atm)

3. Question: I believe my dream life looks like someone who lives in intentionality and with purpose. I believe my dream life would involve me being secure (I don't have to be unbelievably rich but stable enough to not worry about my expenses) and at peace with my decisions and the situation I am in. I would be with people who genuinely love and care for me, the same with me showing love to my community. Finally, I would be action-oriented and driven with fulfilling the purpose I have in this world.

Thank you!

Hi IEKA,

Thank you so much for participating in my new ask game~

Ooooh a BINI fan! Hi! Ahehehe~ That’s a really nice song~

I love that for you! A dream life doesn’t have to always be this big and glamourous ultra rich lifestyle. I hope and wish you achieve the stability you desire~

The cards I pulled for you regarding the Encouragement of your Future Self are:

Page of Wands, 2 of Coins, Wheel of Fortune

These are the things your Future Self wants to tell you:

“Being adventurous pays the bills~ Ahehehe, interpret it however way you desire…”

“If you’re gonna be delulu, be delusionally positive about the outcome of your hard work. People wanna pay you more bonuses because of your cheery personality.”

“Risks are opportunities for the brave and bold. If you want something, dream big about it.”

“You’ll get to the point in your life where we’re actually amazing at living a healthy and sustainable work-personal life balance.”

“Don’t feel low because of unexpected situations. Treat it like a challenge and reap the benefits and rewards in the end. Also, know your worth. If you know you’re being underpaid, ask for a raise. Good luck dealing with that annoying stingy boss though~”

“Being street smart will help us make our dream life a reality quicker and easier. Keywords to live by: adaptability and resourcefulness.”

“You don’t have to sacrifice love for money, or vice versa. Be with someone who elevates and improves your life, not drags you down and drowns you in debt.”

“Learn how to be financially literate as early as possible. Don’t rely on one income and get strategic and creative. Caving into conformity would make us drown in bills more than earn extra income.”

“Never sacrifice your health for overtime. Be abundantly compensated for your hard work. If not, find someone who knows your worth and will support you in your goals in life.”

“Search up FU Money and Infinite Banking. You’ll thank me later~”

“Cut off all deadweight in your life. You know who I’m talking about. Ever heard of Destiny Swap? Yup, it’s those sons of btcxhs.”

“What comes around goes around~ (BGM: Justin Timberlake: What Comes Around) They will suffer for doing you dirty~ Bwuahahahaha, though unfortunately you won’t be able to witness their downfall in person.”

“The scales are balancing soon~ be prepared to ride the unexpected waves of blessings and lessons. Learn to discern which is which. Also, don’t be a stubborn ass. Yup, I just have to say it. You know what needs to be done. You know who tricked you. You know who doesn’t deserve you? *feel my knowing glare towards you from the future* Do it.”

This is all I can read for you.

Do let me know how this resonates with you.

(This reading is for entertainment purposes only)

[felixcloud6288]

Higurashi: Festival Accompanying Chapter 32

The kids are playing tag while the adults are reenacting Mad Max.

Takano is beginning to scratch at herself.

The club members aren't even using their traps anymore.They've so thoroughly demoralized and scattered the Wild Dogs that they can take them out by popping out from behind the trees to scare them.

Okonogi, your bias is showing.

I'd love to see the conversation leading up to the club letting Hanyu engage in fear-tactics. Just a moment ago, she scared a guy by popping out from behind a tree and making barking noises, but now she's going full Oyashiro on these guys.

Like, when the club got their hands on some of the walkie-talkies, I imagine that Mion was trying to come up with a good scare and then Hanyu proposed the mountain god script with a full enactment.

I'd love to see the club members' faces watching this adorable little girl pull off a complete personality shift to play a murderous spirit.

And nobody comments when Rika casually says Hanyu is a deity.

Rika brought up the Gundam franchise. The original anime aired from 1979 to 1980 with a trio of compilation movies coming out in 1981 and 1982. I don't think we could call it a franchise at this point since the next Gundam series (Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam) came out in 1985.

By the way, Keiichi's voice actor in the visual novels and anime, Sōichirō Hoshi, also voices Kira Yamato, the protagonist of Gundam SEED. Depending on how things worked out, Rika's line about Keiichi playing a hero in Gundam might be either a coincidence or a shout-out.

Hoshi started voicing Keiichi in 2006 while Festival Accompanying's sound novel came out December 30, 2005. The anime began airing just over 3 months later. So it's quite possible that Ryukishi07 already knew Hoshi would voice Keiichi at that time and slipped the reference in.

Correction: Festival Accompanying came out in August 2006 while the anime started in April 2006. So that line is likely a very deliberate reference to the anime.

And if dealing with all these casualties and Takano's disregard for their well-being weren't bad enough, Okonogi now gets word that Tomitake has been freed.

He decides to contact "Cuckoo" in Tokyo. A cuckoo is a bird known for engaging in nest parasitism. It will lay its eggs in another bird's nest and then the newborn will push its other nestmates out of the nest and force the parents to take care of it.

The entire scene of Akasaka and Tomitake breaking through the blockade is such a b-movie action scene and I love it. They're shouting as they drive straight toward a rocket launcher, Kasai is providing sniper support, and then it ends with a car chase where Tomitake pulls out a rifle and starts shooting at the pursuing van.

It worth noting that Shion and Kasai are at the trash site.

I generally opt to ignore when someone says something in response to someone else when it's possible they're too far away to hear each other, but I just can't ignore this instance.

When the Wild Dogs start shooting at the car and are shocked their bullets bounce off, we cut to Shion responding to their words. But she's so far away from them that Kasai's shots hit thie rtargets before the sound of his shots do. There's no way she heard anything they're saying.

Okonogi ordered his men to give up their pursuit when Akasaka broke through the barricade and Tomitake nearly shot the pursuing driver. Unlike Takano, he knows when to give up and not risk lives for a lost cause.

I've made fun of the Wild Dogs general incompetence on several occasions and Tomitake brings it up this chapter.

I don't really have to beat you over the head repeatedly about how the Wild Dogs have lost multiple encounters against unarmed children and are horribly outpaced by professionals. Instead, I'll throw out a few final remarks about why the Wild Dogs are likely so incompetent when they enter any combat situation.

They are a security group for the Irie Institute. They are not expected to engage in any situations like what they've been doing for Operation Apocalypse. They are trained for espionage and detainment. They aren't meant to track people in a mountain range or get into gun fights or engage in high-speed chases. So of course they struggle against people who know how to do that.

And also, Tokyo has a protocol to take over the Irie Institute if Inspector Tomitake deems it necessary. One aspect of that takeover protocol is to send a different military group called the Watchdogs to subdue the Wild Dogs. If Tokyo was afraid of the possibility of someone from the Irie Institute going rogue, why would they provide a competent military team to the institute in the first place? Tokyo likely filled the Wild Dogs with greenhorns so it could be easily defeated if necessary.

After so many action-packed chapters, Tomitake manages to call for the Watchdogs to come in and take down the Wild Dogs. We get a moment to breathe, calm down, and soak in that it is almost over.

But now they and the story turn back to Hinamizawa where the final confrontation is about to happen.

NIPA BEAM!!

back

[coiled-dragon]

Hi! I’m working on my Dracfield weeks fics now (i know…why start early when you can wait for the last minute! 😂) but I really struggle with writing Dracula, because he is suppose to be nasty, over the top, cruel and yet still care somewhat for Renfield. Do you have any tips for writing Dracula? Like, how to balance his personality, things to keep in mind, that sort of thing? Thanks for all your help!!!

Hi there!

Man I wish I had advice to help because honestly it is something that I occasionally still struggle with myself and Im at the point with writing these two where it sort of just comes naturally to me. Part of what helped me was absolutely watching the movie a lot, but also talking with some friends and breaking down why Dracula acts the way he does, and how that influences what he may do.

Like he is a creature that we would call narcissistic (note: I am not saying that narcissism is inherently bad or evil, I am saying that Dracula as a vampire who views himself above all other forms of life, has narcissistic traits and exemplifies them in all the worst possible ways). He thinks of himself first and foremost, and constructs how he cares for things around him based on how it will serve him in the end. If Renfield getting off is of some benefit to him, then he'll ensure he does. If not, then he'll focus on his own pleasure and drop Ren to take care of himself. This extends to things beyond sex too.

His cruelty is a mix of keeping Renfield in his place, knowing that Renfield has grown to enjoy it (if you like masochistic Renfield but cmon he's a beacon of 'please hurt and degrade me'), and not entirely aware of - or choosing not to be aware of - the way it can break a person over time. He can mend physical wounds, he can beat Renfield into behaving somewhat acceptably, and the negative ways it affects Renfield often serve him all the better. Again it loops back to serving himself really.

Another important personality point to keep in mind is that... As a vampire, a life of isolation was how he kept himself safe. He wont admit to his weakness or faults, but he's aware that having someone - Renfield - that close, and given as much trust as he is puts him at great risk. Which is why he goes to such lengths to ensure Renfield is completely under his control. To show too much affection, to let this human who he has given way more trust than he has given anything know the power he has, can be a fatal risk. He will, in his own roundabout ways, show affection, but to the average human its not going to look like affection. Or at least, it wont look like enough to deal with his heaps of bullshit. But its enough for Renfield.

This is less advice and more a small crash course in points of his personality that I keep in mind, but I hope it can help?? Also, worth noting this is my personal take on it inspired by discussions with my friends as we obsess over this movie. Its not necessarily canon or the only way to write these two, but its what I keep in mind when I write.

Self Serving, even when he seems to be doing things for another

Cruel, but as a tactic to keep the other in their place and sometimes to get the other off (or let off steam lets be real)

Very Little Affection, otherwise risking letting the other know how important they actually are to him

[whoinventedwhat]

I’m just going to say it in a very nice way, because you know what? I wasn’t that nice when I first said it. But I stand by my point.

I think it’s fair to be angry at certain fans who think Buddy Daddies plagiarises SxF. That is certainly not the case.

But I also think that it’s disrespectful to say that certain fans think SxF created the Found Family Trope. This is certainly also not the case, and there are enough crossovers between SxF and different animes/mangas before Buddy Daddies even came out to prove that this statement is so wrong. It is disrespectful because that implies that fans are stupid to be angry, and that they are angry at nothing, when they do have a very legit reason to be angry, or at least, to feel icky. When you look at the timeline, PA Works made their choices. It’s not illegal, but certainly is questionable. But it’s okay that you think it’s something normal and people shouldn’t care much about it. I’m not going to change your mind, but you will have to accept that there is a possibility that some people won’t feel better just because Buddy Daddies is not a carbon copy of SxF.

I still think PA Works took the risk - if there isn’t the SxF manga, and if the manga is not such a commercial success even before SxF got animated, it could just be a coincident. And you know what? You can still enjoy Buddy Daddies because that’s just an educated guess, but it’s still a guess nonetheless. You can interpret the timeline in a very different way. You can totally disagree with me. You can even think this is no big deal.

I’m not saying that some fans are not overreacting. And I don’t think it’s worth it to be that angry, because not even SxF creators care that much. However, if your point is that people should be allowed to enjoy both shows, and that they should stop arguing, disparaging others and making them sound stupid is not going to help. At this point both sides are just arguing about different things, and keep pissing off more and more people.

This is me trying to end the argument, knowing that it would fail miserably.

[todayisafridaynight]

I should be studying right now, but… do you ever think about how Arakawa didn't have to die?

Not even in the meta sense that it's RGG "tradition" to take faceclaims/father figures/antagonists out of the picture and that traditions should sometimes be broken, or that Aoki would've changed his mind, or that Ishioda or Tendo could've been stopped. But because Jo is the captain (and later second patriarch) of an organization specifically stated to specialize in faking deaths. A practice that originated in the Bubble Era years after Jo had already joined, and that Jo was no doubt intimately familiar with.

Like, isn't that why Arakawa was able to take that risk shooting Ichi? It just feels like things could've gone so much differently had Jo "accepted" Aoki's orders and "confronted" Arakawa with some kind of escape. Perhaps the Ijincho homeless camp would be off-limits, having drawn too much attention recently, but an assassin would surely know how to lay low for a while.

And maybe Aoki, Ishioda, and Tendo would've been undone by their own ambition anyway. And Arakawa could've kept his word and ran the security company with the pillars of the Tojo and Omi, while Jo could've been the chairman of the Tokyo Omi Alliance; light and shadow, opposite to their respective sons. And so many more yakuza wouldn't have been left with nowhere to go.

And hell, maybe none of it would've worked out in the end, maybe it would've all folded like a house of cards, but wasn't it worth a shot? Perhaps it was Yokoyama he who didn't think of it (or couldn't/didn't pursue it even if he did), perhaps it was Jo. But there's something so tragic about being so fundamentally opposed to lifting a finger in violence towards your co-parent and patriarch that you decline the opportunity to save him.

I wonder if the thought has ever occurred to Jo.

I wonder how much he regrets it.

UGH RIGHT IT'S SOOOO....

Like of COURSE I'm upset about Arakawa's death in that we lost a wonderful character and father figure in the franchise, but also it's cause it's just... for all the scheming Arakawa and Jo have been doing behind Aoki's back this entire time, Jo folded on this opportunity to get Arakawa out of Aoki's radar for good this time- or for at least the time being.

It's a testament to the humanity he convinced himself he threw away, and that's why it especially makes me want to scream. From our understanding, Jo is supposed to be very pragmatic and tries to deal with matters as efficiently as possible and generally seems emotionally detached from his work (of course we know that's not the case, but just from a surface-level perspective that's how it appears). So the one time Jo does show an ounce of humanity, it has the greatest consequence.

[handymanproservices]

Why Choose Professional TV Wall Mounting Installation Services Worth It?

As modern technology advances, flat-screen TVs have evolved into sleek, sophisticated centrepieces of home entertainment systems. Homeowners wish to fully immerse themselves in watching their favorite shows and movies. It is possible though mounting these large, thin screens on walls. It is a popular way not only to watch TV but make extra space.

Mounting a television seems simple! But doing it yourself risks expensive damage to your TV or wall. Even tech-savvy people encounter challenges installing a TV, like connecting cables, configuring audio, and setting up the remote control. It's best to leave TV mounting installation to the experts.

When deciding whether to mount your TV yourself or use a professional installation service, consider this: The DIY option may appear cheaper; but it can create problems and damage. Hiring a professional TV wall mounting installation is often the wiser choice for these key reasons:

Expertise and Experience 

Professional TV wall mounting installation service providers possess expertise and experience. They can do the complex task safely and correctly. Their trained technicians are skilled at handling TVs of all sizes and types. They have the knowledge of proper wall mounts, optimal viewing angles and heights, and organized cable placements. They can efficiently complete error-free installations.

Safety and Security

One of the main concerns when TV wall mounting installation is ensuring safety. Why not; TVs are heavy, delicate electronic devices. It can easily fall and cause damage or injury if not installed properly. Professional TV wall mounting installation services use the necessary tools, equipment, and techniques to securely mount your TV. They maintain the appropriate level, keep it stable, and safe. They consider the structural integrity of the wall. They use appropriate hardware so your TV stays securely in place. Rest assured that they keep your investment safe, and offer you a sense of tranquility.

Time and Convenience

Engaging the services of a professional TV mounting service can help you save valuable time and energy. Mounting a TV on the wall can be complicated, physically demanding. It is unfamiliar to DIYers. The experts handle the installation in no time. The professionals come equipped with the right tools. They complete the job efficiently. They perfectly mount your TV without any hassle on your part.

Customization and Aesthetics

A professional TV mounting service can customize the installation to suit your needs and preferences. They help you choose an ideal wall mount that complements your room's design. They ensure an optimal viewing experience. They also neatly conceal cables and wires. It will enhance the aesthetics with a clean, organized look. It will add modern style and value to your home.

Warranties 

When you hire a reputable professional TV wall mounting installation team, they typically offer a workmanship warranty. They provide you with added protection and peace of mind. If any issues arise after the installation, the installer can resolve them quickly at no additional cost.

While a DIY TV mount may seem like a money saver, you're better off hiring professionals at Handyman Pros Services in Their expertise, experience, and safety measures ensure your TV is securely mounted - avoiding accidents and enhancing your viewing. They provide a fantastic local TV wall mounting service for a better TV-watching experience. They get the job done faster, offer custom options, and provide warranties. By investing in a pro install, you can relax knowing your TV not only works perfectly but looks fantastic in your space. Don't delay - call Handyman Pros Services today at 847-726-1061 to learn about their current TV installation deals.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

It would, if we had an alternate system to keep artists supported and seen. Corporatism and copyright is what grew to replace the patronage systems that predated it. None of those things were good for art and artists, but they had to deal with it to stay supported and seen.

The internet could help us build a better system, but it's undergoing another big upheaval right now and a lot of the changes are making it even more predatory and exploitative. The platforms that host us are corporate-owned, including this one, and they are required by law to make profits for their shareholders. They are behaving in ways that maximize profit, not in ways that actually get artists seen and fairly compensated for their work. AO3 is a vanishingly rare exception, and even it has been plundered by AI, filtering all that self-expression through an anonymizing mechanism that divorces the words from the people who wrote them.

You can't self-publish anything right now without risking it being fed to an AI and used to put you and others like you out of work. Amazon killed a lot of independent online publishers, on purpose, and they will keep killing - but perhaps not so overtly. And Amazon is using AI to spam publish "new" works with the names of actual authors on them. These algorithmically-generated works fill up the search algorithms that the average internet-goer looking for art uses to find it, and then another algorithm will generate a review saying these works are worth buying.

Then there are storefronts that sell art and screw artists out of the profits, and crowdfunders that engage in censorship and fund scams, and platforms making profits off your free content that you'll never see. Most of these places have algorithms too - and if you don't look profitable, your work won't get seen.

Right now, if you want to do art and not deal with a corporation... You need to "get a real job" (possibly more than one, that will eat up time and energy you could put into your art) and then create works that you never show to anyone. Not even a fan 'zine from a photocopier, because someone might scan that into a computer and then it's fair game for AIs like all the rest.

This won't stop artists from making art altogether, but they'll make less of it, and you'll see less of it. What you will see is the stuff that turns a profit. And that'll ruin even AO3, in time.

It's hard enough to make art as it is. Capitalism already punishes us for taking so much of our valuable time to do something that doesn't (necessarily) make money. A unilateral, "Art is no longer worthy of being exchanged for the stuff an artist needs to live," will stop a lot of potential artists cold. We can't give you art if you're not willing to feed us.

And, hell, if you believe Kropotkin, after the revolution comes, you still shouldn't be willing to feed us. Art isn't necessary. It's just something you might do to pass the time when you're done harvesting the potatoes.

I can't speak for everyone, but there is not enough of me to harvest the potatoes and then do art. My brain and body aren't strong enough. What I'm able to contribute are stories. And if you like stories, you should be able to read mine, and you should be willing to give me a potato or two in exchange. Or, in this capitalist hellscape, something that can be exchanged for a potato. I'm only able to keep doing what I do because I partnered up with someone who brings in enough potatoes for both of us, but that can change.

And if it does, the way it is right now, I won't be able to show you my art anymore. Or maybe even make any at all.

Simply put (and that's always difficult for me) if a sweatshop is exploiting everyone in town, and we just close it down and call it done - everyone in that town will starve to death, because they have no other industry, and no resources to build one. We either need to regulate the hell out of what we have or build something new before it collapses.

The definition of "plagiarism" and "copying" being changed from "copying verbatim someone else's work" to "creating an entirely new never-seen-before piece of work with input from a tool that may have at one point read metadata about someone else's work" is such insane obvious batshit overreach, but people are repeating it as if it's a given just because it gives them a reason to hate the fucking machines.

So done with this conversation. After a year of trying to explain this stuff to people nicely I am just completely done with it.

[ineedmmorethanyou]

Cash-Out Strategies for Sports Betting & Football Betting

You would certainly have to have an unlimited bankroll, play a game with no residence side, as well as dip into a table that has no limitations on bet dimension. Looking for worth and also managing your bankroll makes far more feeling. The suggestion of locating the very best probabilities for your wager is straightforward, yet it can be a complete betting strategy.

What is the most intelligent method to bet?

Make wagers based upon the probabilities. Betting with your head as opposed to your heart is everything about making wise wagers based upon odds rather than emotions. Sometimes it''s an excellent Visit Website suggestion to bet on the numbers instead of that you assume will certainly win, due to the fact that this can represent a better value if the chances remain in your favor. Certainly, bookmakers are on to this, which is why most free wagers or welcome deals have really complicated terms, entailing accumulators or needing you to bet your incentive numerous times. This method functions best in highly publicised occasions or major competitors. While lines are commonly moved by enlightened punters, they can just as well be moved by casuals, i.e. oblivious gamblers, the bookmakers' golden goose.

Using Cash Out Betting To Your Advantage

It's. similar to hedging, however, for this to work you require to develop the same profit/loss on all results. For instance, the LA Lakers are among the most prominent teams in the NBA and obtain a great deal of wagers based upon appeal. If a first spread was at -5.5 which after that drifted to -7.5 after that this is not since they have a lot more opportunity of covering, yet instead, there has been even more cash based. As soon as you discover this team's tendencies, you will only need to research their challengers. Yet, this betting method does not mean you need to wager on that particular group every time. If you see a match that doesn't look right or the line really feels wrong, hold back.

The group selected need to cover the spread, which in this instance is goals.

The probabilities for each wager are figured out by the sportsbook, which is the company that takes bets on showing off occasions.

Therefore, if you are not positive in your experience or you just assume that such a risk will not bring you great worth, it would certainly be much better to abstain from it.

10 video games isn't that huge of a sample dimension and that's such a certain set of scenarios that it has virtually no worth to gamblers.

After you have actually made your bet, you see the factor spread relocate to -10 on game day. This can occur for a few different factors consisting of way too much action being positioned on the underdog by the wagering public or by points like injuries or other player elements. Hedging likewise works the same way when you've made a numerous bet parlay and also you have actually won the majority of your wagers. With parlays one loss is all it takes to shed the entire parlay. If there's just one video game to go, think about hedging by betting versus your initial parlay bet to lock in a profit. There are opportunities in sports wagering where a punter can make a. bet that is opposite to his initial wager.

Fading The General Public (Low Efficiency) & Locating Reverse Line Motion (Tool Efficiency)

Other times it's much better to choose the boom at the danger of a much reduced flooring. So both groups dropped a little short of their season standard, combining for almost one TD less than they normally protected. Yet still, this was close to a "typical" end result for these teams. Applying this details, we could deduce that the starting RB on the 2-13 team has a reduced possibility of thriving, as the likeliest game manuscripts might compel his team to toss extra in catch-up mode. If, instead, you anticipate that the RB will certainly be leaned on greatly throughout the video game, wonderful.

Free Horse Racing Betting Strategy - Wednesday’s races 12/4/2023 - Just Horse Racing

Free Horse Racing Betting Strategy - Wednesday’s races 12/4/2023.

There are great deals of reasons hockey is a great sporting activity for more advanced wagering approaches. It's fairly reduced scoring, there are great deals of games and also great deals of groups to select from. There are additionally lots of edges for casino players happy to put in the work. The reality is, none of these systems can assure a win, even if they assure to do just that. Thus, you can bet in the opposite instructions and also reap the benefit of extra factors in your favor on the factor spread or extra dimes on the dollar with the moneyline. It do without stating that a group which has actually played 3 matches in four evenings will be less likely to deal with its job in comparison with a team which is relaxed.

Betting With Or Versus The Public

With a lot of showing off events and even more wagering markets to choose from, punters are treated to an enormous range of options online. Nonetheless, even if there's whole lots to select from, it doesn't imply you ought to go overboard. If you see an event basically likely that the bookmakers do, you have actually possibly found a worth wager. If you can constantly identify worth wagers, you will at some point win even more cash than you lose. Certainly, in sports betting, it is mosting likely to be hard to recognize the accurate chance of success or failure of an event.

Suns vs. Nuggets odds, betting strategy: Simulation value, series ... - SportsLine

Suns vs. Nuggets odds, betting strategy: Simulation value, series ....

Handicapping is an additional preferred method made use of by professional sports gamblers. This involves investigating as well as assessing data concerning the groups and also gamers in a particular game to identify any benefits or disadvantages. This information can be made use of to make more educated bets and raise the possibilities of winning. Sports wagering has actually come to be a preferred activity for many individuals, but also for professionals, it is a major company. In this short article, we will take a look at some of the most popular sports wagering strategies used by professionals. The best and also most successful football betting strategies and also systems are arbitrage betting, matched wagering, worth wagering, and also betting based on data.

[thebibliosphere]

Hi Joy! So a whole back (like, I think years now) you and a lot of the disabled community rightly went off about reusable straws & how they aren't a fix all for replacing disposable straws for several reasons but specifically: cleanliness. It struck a chord in me, and I know more places are slowly taking on the No Straws thing so I am always on the lookout for reusable straws that would be able to be sterilized or at least scrubbed & verifiably clean with no nasty bits or mold being able to grow in it because they won't dry.

I've been trying all sorts lately (metal, plastic, a few wooden ones) and yeah, none really fit the bill. It kind of became a thing so now I just gravitate to new-looking reusable straws when we are in any store that may reasonably sell such things.

A few days ago, Hubby & I were at Ye Olde Walmart out of desperation (supply chain issues wheee) and I saw these on an end cap and the first thing out of my mouth was "OMG I need to show these to Joy!"

Cue a brief explanation of who you are and welp, into the cart they went. I believe they were $5.99, possibly $6.99, I have since lost the receipt.

May I present for your consideration: The Squeaky Clean Straw

-

The big selling factor is you can open them to clean them! The pics were taken a few days ago. I have used one so far (after washing of course). For tea/water/etc, things without...bits? Pulp? It seems to work well! A little bit of that "hmm there's a small crack in my straw" feeling but not unmanageable or frustrating in that you're getting more air than liquid. I haven't yet tried these on stuff like OJ or smoothies, but for basic hydration, they do pretty well! They seem to do alright in hot drinks too.

These are silicon, so not any help for folks allergic I'm afraid, but I was hoping this could maybe be a fit for someone who wants to go reusable but fears the straw won't be clean enough! If you hate getting posts like these & I somehow missed it, my bad & feel free to delete! But if this could help someone out I'd love it if you shared w/ your followers.

------------

Thank you for the product rec, hopefully, those might be useful to some people. The price is nice too, considering I've seen straws just like this retailing at $20+

It is worth noting that the silicone used in these types of straws is not immune to biofilm build-up over time as the silicone starts to degrade, so it might not be suitable for those with severely decreased immune systems. (Plus dexterity issues. Holding them open to scrub can sometimes be tricky!)

I really wish I could get silicone straws to work for me because I feel like my immune system is in a better place to deal with any potential risks (it certainly wasn't this time two years ago). But for some reason, I still choke while using them. I think they're just too soft/require me to do something different that my jaw/tongue muscles can't handle. Very frustrating, but it is what it is, I'm afraid.

As per usual, this post is not an invitation for people to "solve" my need to use flexible plastic straws to drink fluids without aspirating. Nor is it an invitation to debate the validity of needing plastic straws to accommodate disabilities.

If you're curious about this subject and would like to know more, I'm going to ask that you watch this video from @jessicaoutofthecloset which explains it really well.

Thank you in advance, and please know if you try to start a debate with me over this, I will block you. Both because I don't want to debate my right to live as a disabled person vs your eco-activism, but also to keep you from getting annihilated in the comments.

The disabled community is very tired of the straw debate. The only reason I am posting this is because it was sent in good faith, informative about the product itself, and might help someone looking for alternatives :)