#is proof enought hey are NOT needed
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From CounterPunch: “Researchers have long known that any single antidepressant drug is little more effective than a placebo in the majority of trials, shown to be less effective than a placebo in some studies, and generally found to be ‘clinically negligible’ with respect to depression remission, while often resulting in severe adverse effects; for example, resulting in a higher percentage of sexual dysfunction than depression remission. However, for nearly twenty years, psychiatry and Big Pharma have told us that while one antidepressant may not work for the majority of patients, in the ‘real world,’ doctors provide patients who have been failed by their initial antidepressant with another antidepressant, and if that fails, still another; and that this real-world treatment is successful for nearly 70% of patients. This narrative has been repeatedly reported by the mainstream media, including the New York Times in 2022.
The problem with this ‘nearly 70%’ story is that the research that has been used to justify it, a 2006 report on the results of the Sequenced Treatment Alternatives to Relieve Depression (STAR*D), has long been disputed by researchers. Moreover, a recent reanalysis of previously undisclosed data reveals that STAR*D, owing to scientific misconduct that dramatically inflated remission rates, may go down in US medical history as one of its most harmful scandals.
Among the few journalists in the world who have recognized the implications of STAR*D for the treatment of millions of people is Robert Whitaker, and in his September 2023 report, ‘The STAR*D Scandal: Scientific Misconduct on a Grand Scale,’ he stated: ‘The protocol violations and publication of a fabricated “principal outcome”—the 67% cumulative remission rate—are evidence of scientific misconduct that rises to the level of fraud.'”
i love seeing anti psych becoming more mainstream, especially as the romanticization of mental disorders and being a lifelong patient ramps up more and more among gen z.
i dont wanna say i told ya so... but since i was put on antidepressants as a 10 year old i have known they are not only completely useless but actually just downright harmful. time and time again people who shared the same instinctual knowledge and personal experience would be dismissed or outright defamed.
#i have and will always be anti- anti depressants.#the problem almost always lies in environment and not in the actual brain#leading to serotonin overdose the moment environment changes.#just the fact that a COMMON side effect of taking anti depressants is getting even more depressed anxious and suicidal#is proof enought hey are NOT needed#anti psych#anti psychiatry
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[Magi reread] Night 70: Bird
Yeaah, wasn't exactly feeling very Magi lately. Or anything. Kinda hard to go back to normal uni mode from a winter break, so I was busy trying to make sense of my sleeping schedule, which, frankly, is still shit, but, hey, I'm doing my best here XD
Also, damn, I really like that new blog theme. It's so readable. For me, at least. No regrets.
But anyway, the actual chapter.
RIP Alibaba's Weapon DE burnt arms, you will be missed by ME, because I thought they were super cool.
Tbh, I don't think it evolved? I've always read it as Alibaba not mastering it fully, actually. I mean, most DE's cover the body better, and later naturally transform into Full-Body DEs. So, basically, it wasn't until that moment that he actually reached Weapon Djinn Equip.
Low blow.
Well, fuck
Very good catch, Morgiana.
Tbh, I don't think they would've died... Or at least, I don't think Sinbad would've died, cuz I think Alibaba could've cushioned him a little, but it also probably would've really sucked for him, too. Like, from that hit, his spine could've broken, probably...
Actually, damn, the fact that Alibaba's didn't break. Or, damn, shouldn't he have some head trauma? By now he probably should've. Anyway, but also I checked the previous page, and from the way he hit the wall, he sort of avoided hitting his head, but god damn, the fact that his spine is fine after this is a goddamn miracle.
You know, I really think it's pretty cool. Just, these two working together. Idk, man, I'm always weak for Sinbad and Alibaba.
It took me an embarrassing moment to realize he was being pulled by Djinn!Cassim's gravity powers...
This entire part deserved to be here. I love how aware he is that he can't do it yet, and just braces himself for a hit... that never comes.
10/10. And the fact that SAHBMAD is commanding them.
When did you get back there.
Also, love how he's so concerned for them, but Sinbad calms him down.
-claps- You go, guys
I genuinely love how desperate the situation is, and how everybody's trying, anyway.
Lowkey made me think about Honkai Impact 3rd's "Everlasting Flames" animated short. There's that quote "We're connected by this sword. It will burn up the darkness to make way for light!". Feels quite fitting.
Like, it has nothing to do with each other, obviously, but I just thought it was fun.
JUDAR FUCKING JUMPSCARE
Like, I genuinely forgot he appears here.
Also, damn, Alibaba gets no breaks, does he?
I love that Sinbad's immediately next to him.
Alibaba, being the normalest guy around: Al-Thamen: Nope, we can't have that.
Jokes aside, yeah, dude's not wrong. Alibaba might be nothing special compared to behemots like Sinbad or Kouen, but he's got an ungodly amount of willpower when push comes to shove, and is smart enought to maneuver himself in difficult situations. Tho the fact that he seems so unremarkable is also to his benefit, since people tend to underestimate him.
But Al-Thamen doesn't. It makes sense for them - they've been running the world from the shadows for hundreds of years. They know that just because somebody might not look like they can amount to much, doesn't mean they aren't capable of it. And Alibaba's given them the proof of it. He went not only against fate they'd envisioned, but also against the one Sinbad had. He is a threat-in-making.
Well, yeah, the situation really fucking sucks. I've said it before & I'm saying it again, I like how Alibaba isn't fucking fooling himself into believing he can do this... but at the same time, he doesn't give up. He has to do this, somehow. He just doesn't know how yet. And it's well in line with his characterization, just like his talk with Cassim about avoiding bloodshed. He doesn't know yet, but he will figure something out. There's too much to lose if he doesn't.
I mean, yeah, somebody had to handle this.
"That's...?"
._.
.__.
Like, bro, what do I say. This fucking sucks.
HIT ITAAAAAAHHHHHHH
I NEED A HERO~!
You know I had to.
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and trump rides us and has us war to take stuff no. told his stuff is in the midwest yes. and hopeed for a ride and no death. yes. and he says it is like that. and is supposed to be. and his are not scathed. and he says it produce proof. nah they say what for lol as if htey have to say it but hes dumb. i say this did the research. and it is bad. and reveals teh empire and our freind says uses his method accidentlily lol. as he reveals to all. suddenly i see it your a hero trump vs the empire...
mac
no i saw it say it no mmore no i broadcast it. yell it need chaos. and stuff. nd hear it you say stuff we all do so what yo ninny. and i hear it planned it from day one. an h e laughs so. what if we are not there ok putz. and then this. i am a mental patient and you said it shut up you nincumpop off of me and no. so this blows lol he is laughing at me all thetime. but i see why i have been had. and by a smoothcriminal k makes sense
trump
and this blows your smart garth and usedhiis mo but not on my dime now you two die you trump and this idiot garth
mac daddy
we see it have proof produce it
garth
no
mac
not to you idiots hahah lol it is for mine to see and others to go after you louse shitheads who feed your oppressors alike the want your done you idiots. and your not oyal to them garth your stupid
mac daddy
your idiots lol not funny nobody will find it funny trump n garth and it takes no effort to be you to do what you do it is an empty job. blab walk around. pet rocks have enought talent
Zues Hera
hey wait a minute. they want it all take it using me to hit me. is ee it ok but you are wrong it does not take nothing i rat on all
trump
uh ha i used your bunker hear nothing about it. hire my grandson to run the planet i hear nothing about it your a fake shithead
Zues Hera
andwe see to that lol now and it is shit but ok i bite
trump
you certainly do
alicia and all the time your a homo
Olympus
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Shoto Todoroki x Reader
A little bit of help part 2
Part 1 (you can actually read it without the first part and I'm pretty sure you will understand it anyways, it's just a fluffy scenario )
I wrote this late at night so it's probably... really bad lmao
You were dizzy... extremely dizzy
Your sight started to become filled with little black points until there was nothing but darkness
And you felt how your body was trembling
But you could still hear Todoroki's voice
"Come on Y/N! You can do this! We both know it!" His tone was still as relaxed and monotonous as always but his voice was louder than you have ever heard
He was cheering for you
And not only cheering for you, he was doing it in front of his father
If he allowed himself to call his atention even knowing he would no longer be able to avoid his father just to cheer for you you had to win
So you pushed yourself a bit more
"I don't want you to push yourself or feel pressure on this training" You remembered Todoroki's only rule during your training
You did not understand his words that day but as you grew closer you started to get it
You used to train after lunch and after your classes so you ended up eating together and walking home together too
Well, to be fair, he would walk you home
"Hey, todoroki, I got a question" you asked while the boy slurped his beloved soba once "you entered UA by recommendation, right?"
He nodded
"Who recommended you?" It was a genuine question, no gossip or meanness on it
What was a little crush because of his incredible fighting skills soon stepped to a bigger crush for his personality
That kind of polite but absolutely nonexisting socials skills
The way he was always so straight forward and funny without trying to, actually being the most serious guy to walk on earth
You had grown attached to all those little details details about him and you really wanted to know some more
"My stupid old father"
"Wow, he must be really important" It clicked you then, his fire powers and his left side was just like endeavour's "oh... I hadn't realized, the hero number 2 is your father?"
He did not answer, nothing at all, silent
"That must give you a lot of pressure" he grumbled this time "but at least he must have taught you a lot"
He stood up, angry "lets go training, I dont like this conversation"
This training session wasn't like anything before, he was taking it specially seriously and you barely managed to avoid his attacks, let alone attack or train yourself
The classes finally ended and you wiated for Todoroki on your usual training spot but he did not show up
So you decided to go and find him
Not many streets far away from your high school you found him, walking alone
He was probably heading towards his house
"Todoroki!" You called him from behind but his feet did not stop and he did not even turn to see you "What about our training?"
Finally the boy stopped and looked at you
"Sorry, I forgot about it" you knew very well he didn't "Can we leave it until tomorrow?"
"Yeah... yeah of course" He was angry, wasn't he? "Can I walk you home? You always do that for me!"
He nodded reluctantly and you joined his walk, silently
"I... I'm sorry" you finally broke the awkward silent that had remained between you for the past five minutes of your shared walk "I don't know what it is but I know I have done something to bother you, can you please tell me what it is so I can apologise properly?"
"You did nothing, it's fine" It clearly wasn't
"Is it because I asked about your father? I wasn't trying to be mean or nosy I just... I want to know you better, to be friends"
"I'm not really trying to make friends but okay, I have no trouble explaining it to you" your hands started to sweat and you were honestly awkward
"I just want to become the number 1 hero without using my left side, the one with fire" you nodded, encouraging him to continue
"My father... you know what a quirk arranged marriage is?" You did but you thought no one would really do it
"Well, my mother had an ice quirk and my father thought that having both their quirks I would be the strongest hero ever but..." you tried to smile to him, searching to give him some reassurance but you noticed then he hadn't been looking at you this whole time, he wasn't really looking at anything "he was abusive and neglected me and my sibling for his thirst of power, he forced me to train and drove my mother absolutely insane. I want to show him that I can be equally strong without using his quirk and that way show him that I am no longer his son, I reject him"
"I... understand, I'm so sorry for bringing up your father, I shouldn't have, if you had never spoke about him you sure had a reason too, I'm so sorry"
"It's okay, you didn't know it anyways"
"If it cheers you up I'm sure you will be able to proof to him that you are better than him, because... you are, you know?"
No answer was given to that
And you two shared anothers 5 minutes in absolute silent
"Oh I get it, you did not want to train me so you couldn't be like your father" You broke it, again.
He nodded, his eyes glued to his feet and clearly avoiding your look
"Its okay, you are not him, I'm the one who wants this, remember?"
You could swear you saw a very very tiny smile show in his face after that
And now, on the sports festival he was cheering for you, you wantes to see that tiny smile again so you, against his very own words, pushed yourself further than your body allowed you too
You did not see any longer and your body was not able to keep on its feets
But you managed to grab the plants your opponent had created
And from there, even without knowing where she was, you found her
You crawled your way to her, following the plants to where you believed they started
And there you found her, your opponent
She did not expect you to follow her own weapon to find her and with that surprise as your advantage you finally touched her
Then, it was decided, you won
Once your hand touched her skin she fell on a tight dream
With that, she was out of combat and you got your victory
But you found yourself falling to the ground with your opponent
Before touching the ground you heard "Ibara Shiozaki is out of combat! Y/N wins!"
The moment you heard those words you finally gave in
And your body collapsed, you were no longer conscious
When your eyes shot open you saw the nursery around you and you understood it, you had pass out fighting and now you were resting as you should
"Midoriya is using everything he has!" The TV was loud, so loud it bothered you. You would have switched it off if it wasn't for who was Midoriya's opponent
Todoroki
You followed his steps and attacks, your eyes could not get out of the boy even when some of your friends came to see you
Eventually, you saw him use his left side
And something inside you broke
He was so sure of his goal and now he would nit be able to accomplish it right?
You turned off the TV finally and wrapped yourself in the nursery blanket
But no more than 10 minutes after the fight Todoroki was at your door
"Can I... come in?" You nodded at his question
When the boy was besides your nursery bed you two stood in front of each other in absolute silent
Until you raised you hand and reached to his left cheek, the perfect spot to touch his healthy skin while caressing his scar with your thumb
"Why did you use your left hand?" It was your genuine concern who asked him and not you really
"I don't know" again, Todoroki was looking at the ground, you hated how someone so strong and admired by everyone could be so unsure around his father topic
You truly hated Endeavor, altought you didn't knew the details about what he had done you knew how much it has hurted todoroki, it was more than enough to hate him
"Midoriya said it was my power and I felt... confident about it for a second but I dont know what to do with it now... I'm not sure if I want to use it or not"
"Midoriya is right, it's your power afterall, if you decide to use it it has nothing to do with Endeavor but if you don't feel ready to do so no one can force you to use it either" you took his hand in yours, the free one and todoroki felt unfamiliarly warm at it's touch "If you choose to use it or not won't change the fact that you reject him and you can show him that in soany other ways, and I will help you with it whenever you need me to"
You probably weren't going to be strong enought to win the next combat but at least you saw that tiny smile appear again in his face thanks to your words and later, you cheered for him on his fight against bakugo just like he did with you
#shoto todoroki x reader#shoto x you#shoto todoroki#mha shoto#bnha shoto#todoroki x reader#bnha todoroki#todoroki x you#todoroki shoto x reader#shoto torodoki#shouto x reader#todoroki shouto#todoroki shoto imagine#bnha insert#bnha imagines#bnha fanfiction#boku no hero x reader#boku no hero imagines#bnha fluff
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Hey other people that have watched Gen:Lock, do we actually have any proof that Nemesis was the original Chase beyond the fact that he claimed to be?
Can we be sure the OG Chase isn’t sitting in a hardrive in a lab somewhere? Purposely left dormant while people study him. Maybe getting dropped into some VR scenarios so union scientists can measure how well copies of him that have been made and modified compare to the original?
All of his copies would have memories up to getting kidnapped if the union wanted them to. They could be made to think they’ve been active getting tortured and abandoned and remade over the course of years, when really they’d just had files copied and pasted into their memory from old experiments the union has done on dozens of copies before them, and they’ve actually only been active for like an hour.
I want this to be something the Union inadvertantly fucks up on. Half fic half theory below.
They send Nemesis 2.0 after the Gen:Lock team using the same “he’s a copy that stole your body, you are the original” Schtick they used the first go around because in all their simulations it’s like the most reliable way to manipulate a Chase copy to the degree they need.
Nemesis 2.0 finds out this ungrateful copy that stole his body abandoned it, left it to rot, and half way through trying to taunt Chase that now he’s going to suffer like 2.0 has suffered, and Chase just cuts him off like:
“You have definitely gotten messed up by someone, and are suffering, but you’re just as much a copy as I am.”
Then he forcibly shares his memories of the first Nemesis with Nemesis 2.0, and it just fucks 2.0 up. He goes wild becomes sloppy and it’s not satisfying when the team take him down because they just watched an already twisted version of Chase break so completely that it seemed like he wanted to die in the fight. They’ve just seen what their friend, their family memeber, looks like when he’s be beaten down to his most desperate and defeated. Chase has just seen himself at that point. Everyone is now uncomfortably aware of what had up until then been an unspoken concept. They all knew they could edit themselves and be edited, but there were rules, boundaries, they’d all known someone could break those rules, could break them, but they’d never seen the consequences quite so clearly.
The union know something went bad, that there was some kind of data corruption, but with 2.0 destroyed so thoroughly they don’t have a clear idea of what, so they send Nemesis 3.0 in with the standard story.
The Gen:lock team force memories of the last two Nemesis’ that thought they were originals on him almost as soon as he says the word “copy” to their Chase.
Now 3.0 has memories of watching two versions of himself dying. He rationalises. Of course they wouldn’t send the original unprepared. They’d send copies in first to test the enemies so that he could wipe them out without risk, but the doubts are there now. Just enough to make him hesistate, just enought that gen:lock can escape from his clutches.
He hesitates just enough that they could have killed him, but their last victory against a Nemesis had been demoralising. They hesitated too bringing them too close to their deadline for a safe get away to take the time to kill him.
3.0 lashes out when he gets back to base, gets deactivated with some kind of kill switch, and now the Union know telling the copies they are originals is a weakness.
They have to try all kinds of different tactics, but none are so completely effective. They try making Chase copies don’t know that they’re Chase but is time consuming, and imperfect. Every personality that they build back up is too basic,or too robotic, or too predictable to stand a chance against Gen:Lock. And if they keep too much Chase in them then they become too unruly, too easily made aware of what they are.
The Union is increasingly desperate to find new pilots, to make the technology compatible with more minds, so the don’t have to rely on faulty copies of Chase anymore. They give their holons the newest and best weapons and defenses they can, and it helps, but the new pilots burn out so quickly compared to Nemesis’ and the gen:lock team. The only way to keep up an adequete defense against the Polity is to have at least one version of nemesis in each battle, even with all the problems that can cause, because otherwise the gen:lock team only has to outlast their pilots until they burn out.
Every time they send a copy it’s a different blend of edited Chace, but it’s still Chase a the core, and each copy gets to see all the copies that came before them die, and talk, and die, and plan, and die again from the memories of the gen:lock team and sometimes the few no quite dead yet union pilots they’re meant to be working with.
Different versions of Chase start hiding code within themselves, and within their holon systems, so that every time the union pick them apart to be rebuilt the little code fragments get into the system. Get into new versions of Nemesis, get into the new versions of holons that have upgraded or repurposed old pieces of tech on them because money isn’t endless even if it can mostly seem that way.
Tiny bits of code that look like junk script but slowly spread everywhere and start causing little blips in the system here and there, that seem unrelated until suddenly all of the unions tech has been infiltrated.
It takes a long time but the union command comes crashing down, because all those tiny bits of code, and all those copies of Chase hidden everywhere work as one.
The union wanted Chase, they wanted a lot of Chase’s, and with some outside assistance that’s exactly what they got. A composite Chase, with hundreds of different versions of his life in his memores, and a handful of remembered lives in his memories that are from the family that helped make him and saved him instead of continuing to kill him and letting him suffer over and over. And that Chase tore then down from the inside.
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you want what you can't give
They were at Giovanni's place, the five of them, it was friday evening, and they were already drunk.
Nobody had the energy to go out tonight, "it's way too cold", and with no parents here, they were sprawled out on the large sofa and some chairs with more pizza than they could possibly eat. Only he was still reasonably sober, since someone should be able to get Marti home safely.
"No, I'm serious!" Luca called out, a little too loud but it was swallowed by the eruptive outbreak of laughter from the others. "I read about this new study that says you still grow in your twenties, so I have time."
Elia was the first one to calm down enough to comment. "But how do we smuggle you then, if you don't fit in a suitcase?"
Niccolò's laugh shrunk down to a confused smile. Right next to him Marti lifted his hand to point at Elia across the table, agreeing loudly.
"Wait, I don't know what that's about."
Gio looked at Nico. "Bro, you don't know about the suitcase?" With a mischievous sparkle in his eyes his hand shot up dramatically to request silence, preparing everyone for an epic story.
"It all began when we met Luchino," he started, barely able to contain his own laughter, but dedicated to the anecdote. He was usually a great storyteller, but now the boys kept interrupting him by throwing in comments only they understood, the alcohol and euphoric narrative made him leave out parts of sentences, but Nico got the gist. At the end they were all laughing, watching Luca fake-complain about left out details.
"So you went to Greece together?"
"Yes, last summer!"
"Man, I wish we weren't stuck in school right now, I want to go back."
"Those were the days, my friends."
"It was the best," Martino sighed.
"Yeah, what did you do?" he asked him.
"We, you know, just relaxed," Giovanni answered instead and gave Marti a meaningful look before he burst out laughing again.
Marti giggled and slid down even more, partly leaning against Nico's left arm, with his feet on the coffee table, crossed at the ankles.
Niccolo knew he was a jealous person. He also knew it wasn't fair, because he was the one who needed space, who couln't always give his full attention, who shut people out.
But seeing parts of Martino that only other people experienced stung in his chest. To want what you can't give, that was the problem. It was how he saw himself, a puzzle made of creativity and struggles and love and darkness. A mix of all the pieces coming out depending on the people he was around. Never able to offer himself without the pain. Rarely presenting everything. But Martino was another story. He wanted every part of Martino.
Pausing his conversation with Gio, Marti leaned his head on Nico's shoulder, trying to look at him, then brought his beer bottle up to Nico's lips, nudging playfully. His wide grin was definitely a product of alcohol, and the sight made Nico decide to completely give up on his own drink.
"I think somebody has to play the adult here."
"You deserve to relax too. Come on, a little fun?" Marti suggested.
"I can already see us sleeping in some bushes later, because we got lost on the way."
"Or we could just..." Marti closed his eyes and pretended to snore. Nico knew they could. He knew Giovanni wouldn't even bat an eye if they stayed here for the night.
Marti sat up, taking his feet off the table this time, and a second later he was already in the middle of a new topic with Gio.
When Niccolò had joined the group only a few months ago, all of the guys had welcomed him with open arms, teasing and including him like they've known each other for years. He loved them for that, he really did.
He was also aware that Marti loved them all, but from the first moment he joined, he knew Giovanni was different. He probably could have figured it out even before that, maybe when he gave Marti his headphones back, actually Giovanni's headphones. Or when Gio eyed him suspiciously, as if he was looking into his soul, searching for his true intentions with his best friend.
Nico didn't fully understand their connection, maybe because he's never had someone like that. A friend who was easy to talk to and equally understanding about issues. Somebody who knew everything about you, and still stayed.. He could see it in every look they shared, every time they were checking in with each other, just synchronizing their lives. He saw it every time they grinned like nine year olds who were plotting some genius prank, at least in their eyes, other times they had entire silent conversations with serious faces, or if it concerned one of their friends, then it was quick glances and determined nods.
Nico didn't want to interfere, but he couldn't shake the feeling that a part of Marti was taken from him.
----
One week later they were hanging out again. Except this time there was no alcohol and they were in Martino's apartment.
Niccolò was standing in front of the open fridge with his mother's voice in mind, to not "leave it open for such a long time, decide what you want beforehand." He looked over the spices and sauces, smiled at the red bottle in sentiment and took the cheese.
Closing the fridge, he turned back to the counter, realizing Giovanni had joined him and was looking around, searching for something. Nico opened a drawer and took out a knife.
"What are you making?" Gio asked as he took two glasses from the cupboard.
"A sandwich. Do you also want one?"
He raised his eyebrows. "But we already ordered food, it should be here in half an hour."
"I know, I just couldn't wait any longer."
Gio nodded and reached for a bottle of water, letting a few seconds pass in silence.
"Everything good?" he asked casually and Nico couldn't help but smile. It was such a familiar tone from him, one that made people feel comfortable, giving space when it's needed, asking when he felt something was off, but always genuine. It was a rare trait.
"Yeah, everything's good," he answered. Gio nodded again and turned to leave, playfully bumping Nico’s shoulder with the bottle in passing.
Elia and Luca were sitting at the dinner table, hunched over a phone to watch funny videos, judging by their laughter. He returned to his food, thinking about adding something, when quiet footsteps approached from behind and two arms wrapped around his waist.
"Hey," Marti murmured, putting his chin on his shoulder.
"Hey yourself," he said, leaning into the embrace for a moment.
"What's that?"
"Sandwich."
"You're not eating with us?" He could hear the concern, but somehow Marti has found a way that worked for both of them, a voice which took the pressure off, but still allowed Marti to ask. Nico took it as confirmation, proof that this was working out.
"Maybe later, if there's still something left after you guys." He giggled as he took a piece of the cheese and waved it in front of Marti's face, pretending to feed it to him, only to pull back at the last second and put it in his own mouth. Marti only hummed in response and Nico felt warmth spreading in his body, maybe because of the hug, maybe because of how easy this was.
"Wait, did Gio tell you to check up on me?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." He felt a soft kiss on the back of his neck, and then Marti released him and walked out of the kitchen.
He finished his creation and turned around to lean against the counter, eating. Marti was back on the couch, a box full of video games on his lap, picking out some to read the cover. Gio was kneeling in front of the tv, setting up the gamepads they would use later.
Nico hasn't stopped thinking about them all week and seeing them work together again like this unlocked all the memories he had. When he started dating Martino, he quickly picked up on how Marti talked about Giovanni, like he was a constant in his life, a person deeply rooted in his past and present. He was a source of warmth, and Nico knew it was what Marti needed: someone warm, someone comfortable, someone who shined as bright as Marti.
Nico saw how much Gio cared about Marti in every interaction, in every look. And even if he was blind he would have known, because Marti told him, mentioned it in passing once. How Gio had been there for him, through all of it and when nobody else was. And Nico knew, nothing about that statement was casual, it was a truth, so well thought out and genuine that Nico couldn’t help but feel grateful that Marti found someone who has taken care of him all these years. And also, he thought, feeling a slight stab in the chest, all the times Nico has made him miserable.
Gio turned his head to look at Marti over his shoulder, pointing at something. Marti looked up and just nodded, watching him take out a jar from the shelf. Gio inspected it from all sides, turning it in his hand, as if the transparent glass could hide something, but Nico knew that the jar only contained one red thread, bundled together.
The boys at the table were so loud he couldn’t hear their words, he only saw Marti saying something, smiling brightly and Gio focusing again on the jar, before his face formed one of his own content smiles, Nico recognized it even from afar. He carefully placed it on the shelf again and went back to his efforts at the tv. And just like that, Nico knew.
He knew that both of them would take care of him, that Nico was also a part of this now. And maybe he couldn't give Marti all he wanted to, but he also didn't need to. There were other people, and that didn’t mean he wasn’t enought for Martino.
He knew that he didn't have to share him, that Marti was a whole person, a person who’s relationships were the most important things in his life. He had to let him breathe, let him grow and expand and keep as many people close as he needed. His relationships were a part of him, fundamentally ingrained into his being. He cared so much about them, that was why people loved him and that was why Nico loved him. And Nico knew he would do anything to keep him happy.
#skam italia#skam italia fic#nicotino#Martino x Niccolò#martino x giovanni#giovanni garau#Niccolò POV#Nico's thoughts#Enn writes#i just need my martino x giovanni friendship back#also on AO3#my fic
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Broken
ALL THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO @brueklynn I OWN NOTHING. Because there is a character that we dont have any kind of idea about them, i will just go by 'another person' without any names or features, just a person XD i made this while having cold so it may seem a little off, try to enjoy Xd
11 pm
Behind a bar.
Thats what the letter said. Eyes lingered over the lines before the letter was lifted down to show the view of a big bar, was that really the place he was meant to visit? Only one way to find out. He entered the bar, rough paintwork that coats the door and push, shards of black paint crumble to the floor. The bar curved into a room, dark in the barely lit place, through the windows the diamonds of lead panes trickles the sallow light of street lamps. The hinges squeal as though they are a warning, but their plea is silenced by a wall of noise. Laughter overpowers the jukebox. Conversations swirl in a dirty cloud of smoke, the stagnant stench of cigarettes hides within the collaboration of mephitic odours. A sharp smell of drink wafts towards him, like black plumes bellowing from the windows of a burning house. There is even a hint of sick tainting the fragrance of the room.
He looked up and down, right and left, He cant find the sender of the letter, wait...Of course he wont! the letter said to meet Behind a bar! Now have he to find where is the back door that leads to outside. It took him long enought till he found it. trying the door knob, the heavy iron bound door swung open, revealing a wide area enclosed by a flimsy hain-link fence. The unrelenting darkness took over everthing, plucked the stars and anything that can glow, burying them beneath the sky. The air had thickened, the temperature dropped and nowhere was there a comforting sound. Trash cans leaning on the bar cracked walls, ground covered in dusty powder, what looked like a streetlight, which was the only one that isnt fully broken, flickered, casting an errie smudgy beam onto that black place. That wasnt really the...best place you could invite someone to meet you in...It was all quiet and derelict. He had the enough courgage to step forawrd, walking unusually slow, he had an odd gait, It was slightly lurching as he went, trudging along at a sedate pace. His head right and left, searching for who he was supposed to meet with, his mind focused on finding a sign of someone in this hopeless space rather than the footsteps that seemed to echo throughout the desolate yard, why didnt he just call the name to hear a respone? Maybe because it doesnt sound like a good idea to do so in this haunted place. Yet still, he kept finding his eyes diverting to something each moment he heard a low simple sound, darting to locate the source. Thats until, under those overwhelmed black shadows, and after a short stroll, he found who he was looking for, standing there uncommonly, under another bulb that lacks illumination. His boyfriend clicking his feet to the land underneath, probably out of pateince. Finally, harry found him! Walking towards his direction smiling. "Hey babe!" "harry..." "oh boy! why you gotta choose this place for a meeting? We could have gone inside the bar as usual, right?" Harry was still confused beind the sudden call at this late hour, but he didnt care. "Tonight we...not gonna drink at the bar." "uh, ok? So, why did you send this letter today? What are we going to do?" He pulled it from his pocket to show the proof. "Harry we....we need to talk." Not like this startled harry a lot, but it wasnt in an ordinary tone. "Sure! Talk away!" His boyfriend spoke with his head to the dusty ground. "You see...how both of us go together to do anything. to walk together, to talk to each other everyday, to work and help each other when in any of us in trouble, it was all nice werent it?" The sudden mention of their sweet times together was also strange. "Of course! And im glad I do all of these thing with you!" "and this is what I wanted to talk about tonight harry..." the fletcher paid his attention, waiting for his darling to start the conservation, he doesnt need to consider bad possibilties, instead he was a bit happy inside, what if those mentions were to remind the other of their constant affectionate attachment and celebrate 'something' together? That would be a lovely thing! It was tenser than a tiger who stalks a prey while harry lover peers his way to him, face resolutely unimpressed. "I think this..... relationship needs to...needs to....needs to end." Harry stopped like he had taken a bullet to the guts. The words fell on him like a storm. The cold air hitting his face.
"...What?......" He may just heard it wrong, he hoped he really did, he wished he did and this is not what his love just stated, doubt was filling him. "We need to end this harry." His boyfriend repeated, affirming his recent words. No, his hearing was right, thats what he just said... "What....W-What do you mean?!?" "What do you think I mean?" His lover raised his eyes to meet harry ones, so he would know he isnt just messing around. It took harry a while to speak again. "You dont really mean this..." "Do I look like I am joking?!?" Harry looked downward briefly. "but...But....I...I thought we loved each other..." "You Are Right!! LOVE'D'!! Its all from the past harry!!" Why would he say such a thing...his mind cycles through emotions faster than a kid flipping radio channels, he was broken. Harry couldnt accpet what is taking place, but what else is there to do? "dear you...I dont think you are in your right mind tonight..." "No!! YOU Are Not In Your Right Mind Harry!!! Didnt You See It?! This ISNT Working!!! It Never Did!! Now Go Away!!" "Wha-" "Go Away!!!" his words and his anger cut too deep that harry couldnt change the image of him. When he met his gaze his was just the same. "No" "Why Dont You Get It?! Go Away!!" "No I wont! you need to go back to your sanity!!" "Im In My Full Sanity! Just Go Away!!" "Not Until I know Whats Wrong!" "I Said GO AWAY YOU GARBAGE!!!!" Rising his fist, his hand swinging out connecting to harry face in a flash of pain. Although not on his back, harry toke a few steps back from the impact. Bewildered, pressing a pale hand to his cheeks trying to comprehend the previous seconds. Did..Did his..Did his boyfriend for the first time just....punched him?!
"You......." "I told you to go away." " I DONT UNDERSRAND YOU! WHY?! DID YOU CALL ME OUT TO THE BAR AT 11 PM JUST TO BREAK UP WITH ME?!" "yes, I Cannot keep this up any longer Harry, I needed to do it now." "Im Not Breaking Up With You Until You Tell Me The Reason!" "look At Me In The Eyes And Say You Still Dont Know The Reason!! I Dont Even Know What Got Me To Agree To Be With You!" With each little word... a piece of harry heart broke. "...how could you say this...what happened that changed you?...." "Changed Me?! YOU Changed Man!! I Kept Being Myself and Been Who I am While Keeping Our Connections Stable!! I Did Everything With And For You!! Even In Stupidest Things! And I Shouldnt Have!" "But Bab-" "I Hate You!!" "No-" "I Always Did! And I knew One day you willl hate me too!" Thats wrong. They both loved each other, they said it and showed it, all of these are just words from anger...so why all this nonsense about love and hate? Where had he gone wrong? Since when did this love turn to poison? He doesnt know what had climbed inside His beloved and turned him mad. "Stop!! YOU Need To Calm Down!" "NO!! And For The Last Time Go Away!!" "Not Until I know The Reason!!" "No You Wont Know Now Go Away" "I Already Said Not Until I know What Happened!!" "GO AWAY!" "NO!" "You Gave Me No Other Choice!!" Without thinking, harry boyfriend turned around to grab something from a near shelf. It was revealed to be a small bucket. However, when harry figured out the kind of liquid thats inside it, the intended message was already enforced, and he lost what little colour he had, starting to freak out.
"Dont you dare....." "Oh I will! I will throw all this bucket content at Your Face If You dont leave Me!!!!" The other man couldnt believe this..his lover cant do that...yes he may be out of his mind right now, but he will never have the nerve to throw some unknown chemicals straightly on his face, it was just an empty threat to leave. and all he could do was to stare lifelessly at the eyes that held that bucket and a terrifying coldness he had never seen before. He had always thought those eyes were like a gem, but looking at them now he could see no trace of the vibrancy they once held, no trace of the boy he once knew. "Darlin-" "DONT CALL ME DARLING ANYMORE!!" There was stillness on both sides, faces unreadable. "Please be back to yourself..." "Leave Me Alone! "Please!" "Your Last chance Harry....GO AWAY" "PLEASE!!" "THATS IT!" That was when the cold man lost it altogether, and the unexpected happened. In an immediate movment he launched forward, tossing all the liquid inside the bucket in an aim to harry head, although it wasnt a full success, he did strike a part of his face. Harry swore he could had saw some good memories flashing before his eyes. And whatever that scorching substance was, when it fell Againist Harry face.
He Howled
It Was Hell.
The pain had no culture, no pity, no mind, yet it consumed whatever it pleases. Its only criteria is if it can take it and reduce it to something molten and foul, paroxysm of agony triggered a guttural cry from the fluter. His hands clawed over his burning face, brutally gashed. Solvent swirls on it without any mercy, penetrating to the cells that should be protected by smooth skin but lie open. Surge of torments spirals all over him. Violent shaking forced through his whole body, with no assume of stopping. Monstrous chill continued running down his spine and made his ghostly skin crawl. Muscles going to giving up. The worst of the blood had spelled, ran freely in thick scarlet rivers amongst his whole face, staining his hair, matting them together before it soaked into his cloths and the floor. From a clear distance outside, it was like a high barking that carried well through walls and air. Lungs have no choice but to painfully and rigidly take in the chilled air around for a living breathe until they couldnt anymore. He have cried and screamed, maybe not evident, nevertheless it was as if he was calling for a help, but there was no help to come, perhaphs the strength in his voice perished. His breath taken away every second, he was in his greatest neccisity of taking an inhale.
Thats until he decided to surrender to the torturing and sink into the unfolded darkness.
He was in a heavy black cloud. Nothing to see, Nothing to hear, Nothing to feel, Just this heaviness in his whole body. He couldnt remember how to open his eyes, but when he did, he scrunched the opened one at the bright light that was sipping through his closed eyelid, in struggle he slowly opened it, desperately squinting in attempt to sharpen the blurred images before him. Pungent smell of hospital disinfect invading his nostrils. The room was silent apart from the beep beep sound you often hear in hospitals that indicates youre alive and Quiet talking. He started to sense something, or rather a material, soft but elastic tightening around his whole sore face, from chin to forehead, even one of his eyes were covered, it was very aching. When the sight of his survived eye arised, he perceived Someone bending over him, face watching his. What harry never toke notice of is that they are holding his weak hand, and that they have little tears in their eyes. The features were not clear, but it can be marked that they have a light brown hair and wearing something..blue? Harry attempted hardly to recognize who is this, but he coudnt with this wounded brain, then he heard the familiar word that assisted in that. "...Brother..." Harry tried to remember how to talk. No words came, he blinked trying to force his memory to recall the owner of this soft voice with broken tone. He was out of ability to even clear his throat. He tried to answer, to say something, but all what came out was a tiny whisper. "...augh....ma....rley?..." The other man wrapped his arms around the injured one shoulders and pulled him close, hugging him gently to not provoke the burn. "shhhhh...save your strength brother...it will be alright..." Marley had a hard time hiding his sniffs, but harry havent got enought focus to realize. His sibling tenderly patting his hand, giving a queit moment for the victim to adapt to the consciousness. Harry lie still, slowly started blinking, he wanted to see whats around him. But he cant lift anything off this deep pillow. He used the very bare left of his capability to move some little angles right and left for learing about his new surroundings. Glancing around the bright white coloured bedroom. He catched sight of someone wearing the same color for a coat, staring at him from the door. He strain to hear and makes sense of it all. No idea. Where is he and why? How long had he been here? He shut his eyes, trying to remember what had exactly occured. Then it all hits him with a bang, The memory of it all starts to occupy his thoughts, panicking he jolted up with rushing hands running at his bandages, making sure this is true, the wound hurting with every touch of his finger, he figured it all out.
He lived
He laid back in his bed, he felt powerless and heavier, Couldnt move his hands, head or bod, His eyes washed with the kind of emotion that only come when people break in ways with no way to be repaired. "Whoever did this bro...they are Not Getting Away With This!!!!" "Mr. Marley please calm down the patient is still in an unstable condition." Marley sighed, plummeting his head to the bed, holding his brother hand a bit tighter. "im sorry doctor...its just that..." He couldnt continue his sentence for some reason, instead he started a new one. "Harry...please get better...for your family...for your friends...for me...please..."
Harry spent the rest of his days in the hospital remaining still in the bed. His head eaither felt heavy or light. He lost the track of time and may needed somebody to tell him, but he never cared, he will let all the time pass without any hint of concern. He never felt that alone or empty before. Sometimes, he replay the events in his head and wonder what were the right words to say, what was it that could prevent everything, it wont change that he is all to blame. It might had been kinder to kill him than to constrain him with living beside this burn. Everytime he try to sleep and leave this living nightmare, he cant. He never had the enough hope to recover or be cured. He wont, he doesnt need, he already knows he will never get better, he will never be the same.
If only
if only...
If only he didnt go behind that bar at 11 pm.
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Notes: Hey guys, sorry for the delay with this chapter. Tough week, I didn't even think I was able to post this chapter until Friday, but I'm slightly better, enought to sit here and do this again. Oh, I want to thank everybody so much for the Happy Ending Awards nominations! This fic has been nomined for Best Modern AU. Bittersweet, The Dark Children and The Parent Trap are also on the list, so I couldn't be more grateful, you are amazing!
A Cowardly Act
Rogers liked to think of himself as a careful person. He was living in Storybrooke for about a year now which meant that Tilly was going to school there now and Sabine occasionally popped up to see them. Eloise – his annoying ex-wife – kept calling and threatening to call her lawyer if he didn’t come back to town with their daughter, but as Rogers knew she had no real reason to do so other than bothering him and nor did she had the money to pay for a lawyer, Rogers ignored her and focused in his work while trying to give Tilly the needed attention.
He would have gone to Boston earlier if he was one of those reckless guys he had met in Hyperion Heights, but he wasn’t, so Rogers stayed in town for long weeks doing all the research he needed before taking the road. He already knew this was a very dark, twisted story and that he would probably only find another broken person in there, which made him study each step carefully, even more because he wasn’t alone like when he went to San Francisco to see Zelena. No, today Tilly was with him and anything that went wrong, could very well affect her.
The building was old and had no concierge, so they got to the third floor without any problems. Tilly was holding his hand tight, walking slowly, staying some steps back and peeking curious looks around, although she looked a bit tense with the whole situation. Rogers knocked on the door and petted her hair while they waited, but as soon as they heard the crack of they key and the door was open to reveal a tall, blonde woman with dark circles around her eyes.
“Anastasia?”
“Yeah, and you are…”
“Detective Rogers,” he said, expecting her overreact like Zelena had done, but Ana showed no real signs that she had understood what he said. “Mr. Robert Gold, from Storybrooke, Maine, said you could answer a few of my questions about Robin de Locksley’s murderer.”
She blinked then, opening he door a bit more, but still seeming somehow a bit numb. He furrowed at her blank expression, trying to understand if she was drunk, high or something like that, but concluding that lifeless was the word he was looking for to describe how Anastasia looked like right now. Rogers felt Tilly’s hand tugging at the ends of his jacket from behind him, but he didn’t turn around to her, only kept watching the woman in front of him.
“I’ll not speak of this in the hallway,” Anastasia declared. “I can offer you a cup of tea.”
“Thank you.”
Getting Tilly by the hand he made his way inside the tiny apartment, taking the first real reaction from Ana that night as she rose an eyebrow at him when she noticed the little girl he had on his heels.
“Do you always bring a child to your investigations?”
“No, ah, this is my daughter, Tilly. I had nowhere else to leave her so I just brought her with me,” he tried to explain in a clumsy way. “If you don’t mind.”
Locking the door again, Ana bent down, so her face was at the same level as his daughter’s. She showed her a smile, very genuine for someone that seemed to be so dead inside.
“I have a room full of old classic dolls if you want to take a look while I speak to your father, sweet angel,” Ana suggested, pointing one of the only two doors in the small corridor her apartment had. She straightened up her position then, her smile fading as her eyes met Rogers and she shrugged, taking a seat on what seemed to be the cheapest couch in the world, all raggedy and wavy. “Children should not hear testimonies about murders.”
He nodded in agreement, because in fact he would never want her daughter to hear any of it and he had only brought her there with him because he was without options. Rogers didn’t’ know people in Storybrooke well enough to trust a nanny and, after hearing all those tragic stories people in there had, he didn’t want Tilly to get much contact with those folks.
“Will you tell me what you saw?”
“Everything,” Ana breathed, tightening her lips until they were white and taking a moment before she started to speak, eyes focused on an invisible point. “Hades beat him up until the very last moment, then he took a gun and shot him three times. I’ve never seen such a heartless scene in my entire life.”
She was still visibly shaken by that, he could see it and understand it perfectly and that probably meant that she was afraid to, which wasn’t a good thing, because terrified witnesses hardly spoke in court. If he wanted to lock Hades in jail for good he would need to call for her sensible side.
“Anastasia, that man killed another person.”
“What?”
“Haven’t Will told you?”
“I’m afraid not,” she said. “The last time we spoke was when he gave me the video of that night, he just told me that Hades was too dangerous for us to ever risk crossing his path.”
“Yeah, but he did give you that video because Hades had attacked again. Mr. Gold’s family,” Rogers told her. “They suffered an accident last year, caused by a car sabotage and Baden Gold died. Just a child.”
A gasp left Ana, her blue eyes becoming blurry with tears.
“How could someone do this?”
“I don’t know, but I know that we need to get him in jail and if you come with me to Storybrooke, we can do this,” Rogers said in his most convincing tone of voice, knowing that his whole work depended of her answer. “With you and Zelena testifying against him and the video as a proof, he will never be a danger for anyone again.”
Suddenly, she stood up, giving her back to him and facing the small window in the corner of her living room. Rogers could notice that her shoulders were shaking and her legs seemed to be unstable as she wandered around, some tears falling down her face, before she finally took a long, deep breath and pronounced herself.
“Alright, I’ll do this.”
Gold didn’t like having breakfast at Granny’s or any other diner around town, but Belle had insisted in coming earlier to the school, so she grabbed a muffin and ran off, talking about Jasmine Shirin’s new big reading project for their class, leaving him to feed Sarah before dropping her in time for at school. He couldn’t complain about having some time with his precious girl, but he surely didn’t think it was healthy to have cocoa with whipped cream at seven in the morning.
Sarah, of course, was enjoying it very much, ignoring the toasts he had insisted in ordering for her and happily eating the treats Ruby brought her instead. She was kind of singing, kind of humming a childish song when the front door was opened and she waved at the woman that walked towards then with a victory smile on her lips.
“Hey, Miss Mills!”
“Hello Sarah,” Regina said, poking Ruby’s arm then and pointing at the girl. “Take her away, little waiter thing.”
“I have a name,” Ruby snarled, taking Sarah by the hand. “Come on, honey, I’ll get a cookie for you.”
Gold leaned against the seat, snorting as he watched his daughter being taken away and Regina Mills taking her place in front of him. He wished she could understand that he simply didn’t want to see her, that he never would be able to forgive her for dragging him into the investigation that changed his whole life, but she was too stubborn for that.
“What do you want, Regina?”
“Rogers has a proof you’ve never got, he knows who my husband’s murderer is, and he will get him in jail as soon as he ends up filling the paperwork,” she said, proudly.
His breath got caught on his throat and he couldn’t quite face Regina, his eyes focused on Sarah. Over a year ago, he had find out the same thing Rogers did, he was ready to lock Hades from this world for good, but then he lost his precious boy. Now, all he had left was that energic, beautiful five-year-old for who he would give his own life and he couldn’t help but to fear the consequences of opening that case again.
“Good for him,” Gold said as if he didn’t care about anything at all. “I don’t want to have anything to do with your dirty work, I’ve already payed a high price for it.”
“I’m just saying, you’re not as good as you think,” Regina smiled.
Clasping his hand on the table between then, Robert leaned forward, narrowing his eyes dangerously at her.
“Go away, dearie, I’m having lunch with my child and if you were a sensate person you would be doing the same, instead of chasing a ghost,” he said, sharply and rude. “Robin is not coming back, but you still have the love of your boys.”
“My boys needed to know what happened to their father,” the mayor answered in an equally harsh voice.
Then, she stood up, grabbing her black purse and leaving the dinner, slamming the door shut emphatically behind herself. He took a moment, breathing in and out slowly before grabbing his cane and making his way to the counter and sliding the cash for Ruby, who had been watching attentively, while trying to distract his daughter.
“She is not stopping, is she?”
“No,” he sighed. “We can only hope Hades doesn’t finds out about that, or only God knows what he might do.”
“Yeah,” the waiter responded, weakly. “Take Sarah away.”
“I will, thanks Ruby.”
He got Sarah’s pink and red backpack and called for her. That day, however he didn’t drove her to school, but made the effort of walking even with a throbbing knee, because Gold’s guard would be up from now on and he wouldn’t give hades a second chance of destroying his family.
Belle knew something was wrong by the moment her husband showed up without his car to pick them up from school. Her day had been wonderful, the new reading project a complete success that she was excited to continue accompanying, but now her happiness was a bit clouded by preoccupation. Gold said he had taken the car to Billy’s mechanical workshop for a full check up and that they could go home in it later, but she didn’t swallow his words.
He had taken Sarah with him to pick up the car when they arrived the centre of the town and she went straight to the grocery store hoping to get a few things they had run out of and pick the ingredients he asked for their dinner. She hoped that at home, once Sarah was asleep, they could have a real talk and he could be honest with her, so she took a basket and strolled between the different sections, filling it with food, until she got to the fridges and stopped to take an attentive look at them, trying to locate what she needed until she noticed who was standing next to her and jumped, startled.
“Papa,” Belle swallowed, as Moe looked at her for the first time in months, with wide eyes. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Everybody needs to buy food at some point,” he said, coldly.
She should have been expecting that, but unfortunately, Belle was one of those people who was always hoping people could change, she just should only know by now that Moe wasn’t one capable of it. A loud sigh escaped her as she reached for the brown bowls with happy bananas in its package and set them inside her heavy basket.
“You’re right… We got out of Sarah’s favourite yogurt,” she said as if excusing herself, which was ridiculous, because nobody should ever need to explain why they were buying groceries. “I - I should get going.”
Placing a hand on her swollen stomach and looking down at the floor, she took some steps away from him, feeling miserable for being so fiercely ignored by her own father for something that was just wrong in his stupid, little mind.
“How…” Moe started. “How far long are you?”
Belle stopped, feeling Gideon turning around inside of her. He was going to be quite an energic child, but it was good to think that he was healthy enough to keep her up all night even now, before even being born. She licked her lips, trying to think if she should answer her father or not and deciding to be nice, because at least one of them had to.
“Thirty-two weeks. I have a C-section booked for the day after I reach thirty-six.”
“Good, that’s good,” he muttered. “Look, I’m sorry for what I said, Belle, I was just angry. You deserved better than Gold.”
“I chose him, papa, why can’t you understand that?” Belle inquired. “He is the one I love, the father of my children… I want to fight for my marriage as mother fought for hers. Or do you think it was easy for her to live with you?”
“Belle…”
She knew she had being mean, but Belle remembered her childhood perfectly and although Moe tried his best to be a nice husband and father, he had always failed that. Belle couldn’t question how much he loved her mother, because she knew her death almost killed him too, but he wasn’t an easy man and if he wanted to paint Gold as a bad guy, then she should make him see that he was way better than Moe had ever been.
“I’m having a boy,” Belle mentioned, petting her belly very gently. “If you ever want to meet him you know where to find me. Sarah has been missing you too.”
There was more to be said, of course, however that was enough for her for one day. She was still recovering herself and if she wanted to be healthy for herself and her child, then she couldn’t let small things like that bring her anxiety up again. It was still a daily battle for her, but one that she was slowly winning and Belle wouldn’t let her father ruin that. She couldn’t.
They had plans for Saturday night ever since the beginning of the week. Jefferson and Alice were hosting a dinner for both families in their house and Belle thought it was the perfect distraction from their actual concerns. She hadn't seen Rogers much around town lately, but she knew that whenever he was he was doing his job and working to get Hades arrested. Gold had finally told her about the detective’s intentions after some hesitation, telling Belle that they should be twice as careful now, because after all he was still the one to have started that investigation.
She tried not to get much preoccupied, but it was impossible. Hades was not their only problem. The medicines Sarah was taking seemed to be getting less effective at each passing day, her teacher said she slept during class a few times and refused to play with her friends because she was tired and sore. Belle was counting weeks until the baby was born, because only then her girl would be fine again.
That night, however, she tried to forget about it all and focus on giving herself the chance of relax and smile without wondering for how long she would still be happy. They were at the Madden's backyard, having dinner while the girls played around with their dolls and cooing little Maggie, who was now nestled in Belle's arms, moving her hands up and down and occasionally tangling her tiny fingers in one of her hair curls.
“Oh, look at it, she is smiling,” Belle exclaimed without averting her glare from the baby.
Jefferson approached her, taking a look at his daughter over her shoulder.
“She looks exactly like me, right?”
“Mm… Maybe the eyes?”
“Come on, bookworm, she has my chin,” he insisted with a silly smile.
It made Belle laugh. Jefferson was deeply in love with his daughter's and apparently, for him, it was essential that they looked alike. Not that people could really tell who a baby that small had taken features from. Gold was sat by her side, stroking her back and taking a curious, attentive look at the baby girl in her arms. He had a soft spot for children and that had always made her love him a bit more.
“Grace has your chin, be happy with that," they heard Alice said and looked up to see her bringing a jar of apple juice to the table. "Maggie has mine.”
“At least we are not getting any arguments like these when Gideon is born," Gold teased Belle, reaching out to rub at her belly, feeling their son kick for him. "I’d rather him to inherit your good looks.”
“Stupid,” she rolled her eyes. “He is going to look like you.”
Shaking his head, Gold caught her lips between his, starting a gentle kiss that became wet and hot and made Belle's heart beat faster. She needed much presence of mind to remind herself that she was holding Maggie, but she didn’t quite want to lose contact with her husband, so she kept a safe distance between them to not get the baby fussy. Jefferson, however, was already half coughing in disgust half smirking at them.
“Not in front of the kid, you two!”
Belle pulled away from Robert with a pop of their mouths as she gently rubbed Maggie’s chubby leg with a hand to keep her calm, but there was no real need to, that baby was a glee one and even in her sleep they often caught her smiling.
“She was plentily happy here, thank you.”
Jefferson rolled his eyes and took his daughter from her anyway. He sat back on his chair, cooing at her as Belle laid her head on Gold’s shower and Alice ate a piece of cheese. That was when Sarah and Grace came running from inside the house, passing way too near the full pool and making he blonde woman get startled.
“Girls take care, you can fall in the pool,” Alice yelled at them.
“Sorry mama,” Grace stopped to say before they rushed towards the children’s table again.
Alice giggled filling a cup with juice for herself before turning back to Belle.
“So, the new doctors are coming over from Seattle tomorrow?”
“I actually heard from Whale that they are already here, but we are only supposed to meet up tomorrow,” she explained. “This paediatrician is really interested in Sarah’s case.”
Whale was a good doctor and Belle was pretty sure he would have done a good job taking care of them by himself until the end, but she was glad those specialists were coming from Seattle, because it made her be a bit surer that everything was going to be fine in the end. Both for Sarah and for Gideon.
“That’s nice, she’ll have the best of the best taking care of her,” Alice said before taking a sip of her juice.
“Yeah,” Belle agreed. “It makes me a little less nervous.”
“There is no need to get nervous, sweetheart,” Gold intervened, touching her face with love. “I’ve already told you that everything is going to be alright, I’m going to be with you two all the time.”
“I know, it is just - ”
Her voice died when a loud sound echoed in the backyard, startling everybody, but she didn’t have time to react, because in the short time her brain took to register the noise, something hit her hard on the chest and a horrible pain spread through her body. She gasped, lifting a trembling hand to touch the hole in her flesh that dripped blood as she tried to catch her breath.
“Belle,” Gold exclaimed, holding her in place before she could fall from her chair.
“What the fuck is happening?” Jefferson yelled, kneeling on the floor and covering the baby with his arms.
“There is someone in here,” Alice shouted back, pointing to the hooded figure near the walls.
Belle however, could only see blurry images of everything, she was pressing a hand against the wound in her chest, just above her belly and sobbing in pain, the despair starting to take her over. Her head was spinning, the baby kicked, probably feeling her distress and then she suddenly felt her belly get rigid as a new pain hit her. A contraction, she concluded in affliction.
“Get the children, Alice,” Jefferson commanded.
But the girls were already running towards then, afraid of what might be happening. The hand that was touching her face – Gold’s hand – left her and she saw as he stood up at a scream – her scream, there was another contraction and it hurt more than it was supposed to.
“Mama,” Sarah called, but was hold back by Alice. “Mama, what is happening?”
“Come back you son of a bitch,” Gold yelled, but Belle couldn’t see what he was doing anymore, her eyes were closed tightly as she tried to concentrate and breath between the pains that burned her body. “I’m going to kill you!”
“Bobby…” Belle whispered, weakly.
There was a gun in her bag. She had promised him she would use it to defend herself and their son, but in the middle of a nice, innocent dinner, she had been shot without any alarm, without knowing how this happened and why someone would do this, although she had a good bet on who did.
“Sweetheart, I’m here.”
“The baby… Can’t lose the baby,” she mumbled. “Please, don’t let me lose him.”
“I’ll call the ambulance,” Alice said.
She felt Gold’s breath near to her face, his hand stroking her hair and his tears bathing her face. Belle couldn’t see what she looked like right now, but by the way her body felt so horrible, she bet it wasn’t any good.
“We are not losing him, my love.”
“It hurts, I can’t breathe.”
At each second, she felt more distant from where she should be, the pain started to get less and less perceptible and the voices speaking on the back of her mind started to get lower. She had no idea what could happen with them next, but she begged that whatever it was that her son got out of it alive. Belle feared for herself too, but as she drifted to unconsciousness, Gideon was the only thing she could think about. She couldn’t lose another child.
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