#is not inherently that the former is more dedicated than the latter

[wrenhavenriver]

boss sent out anonymous surveys asking for feedback on her proposed employee performance evaluation rubric and i had to be like. hey. if you have "frequently attends optional events/workshops and participates in optional challenges" as a requirement for getting a good evaluation. then they're not actually optional??

[aedesluminis]

Did Prieur Claude Antoine really have a daughter with Madame Vêtu in 1788 (or is it just a strong possibility)?

Whether Prieur had a daughter with Catherine-Elisabeth Vétu, born Joly, is something we can never know for sure, unless we go back in time and ask them. However, according to both Paul Arbelet and Georges Bouchard, who had the chance of having access to Prieur's complete collection of personal papers, there's strong evidence that the latter might have truly been the biological father of Madame Vétu's last child.

Before delving into the matter, allow me a little digression on how Prieur and Catherine came to know each other.

The two met in 1785, when he was 22 and she was 29; yes, she was seven years older than him! The former moved to Dijon both for military duty and to assist Louis-Bernard Guyton in his scientific works. The young officer needed a place to stay and one of the rooms of the Vétu family house revealed itself to be the most suitable for him. Bouchard guessed that the two might have become close very soon, allowing Prieur to eat and sleep there for free since his low salary at the time wouldn't have allowed him to always pay the rent. (1)

Not a far-fetched speculation, considering Catherine’s lively character and active participation in the management of her husband's grocery store; at that time managing a business implied a minimum of education and both a strong dedication and commitment to work; qualities that Prieur appreciated and admired in a person. On the other hand, Catherine, despite the age gap, must have been impressed by Prieur's reserved, hardworking character and polite manners, something that her husband seemed to be lacking. (2)

In 1785 Catherine already had two children, Pierre, 9 years old and Bernard, 7 years old; three years later, her last one, Claudine was born. Prieur was chosen as godfather, or offered to be.

Here's the child's baptism certificate I managed to find in the Cote-d'Or archives:

[Source: Archives de la Côte-d'Or, Registres paroissiaux et état civil, XVIe siècle-1938 (sous-série 2 E). Collection communale 1579-1792, Toutes paroisses, FRAD021EC 239/095, Vues 0252-0317 : Paroisse Saint-Jean, Baptêmes et Mariages, janvier 1788-décembre 1788, vue 279]

Claudine-Denise, fille du Sr Joseph Vétu, marchand épicier et demoiselle Catherine Joly son épouse, est venue au monde et a été baptisée ce jourd'hui 2 mai 1788, son parrain, M. Claude-Antoine Prieur Duvernoy, écuyer, officier au corps royal du génie, représenté par le Sr Jean-François Boiteux, épicier, et sa marraine, dame Claudine-Denise Couturier, veuve du sieur Bernard Joly, son aïeule maternelle. (3)

EN: Claudine-Denise, daughter of Joseph Vétu, grocery merchant and of Catherine Joly, his spouse, was born and baptized on this day 2 May 1788, her godfather being M. Claude-Antoine Prieur Duvernoy, esquire, officier in the Corps Royal du Génie, represented by Sr. Jean-François Boiteux, grocer, and her godmother dame Claudine-Denise Couturier, widow of Monsieur Bernard Joly, her maternal grandmother.

As mentioned before, the supposition that Claude-Antoine might have been more than a simple godfather stems from some facts that for Arbelet and Bouchard are pretty emblematic: In Prieur's personal notes, there's a date written down by him and another one right next to it, which not only corresponds to Claudine's birthday, but it's curiously nine months distant from the first date. I’m not an expert on 18th century customs, but it’s not unlikely that men wrote down the date in which they had intercourses with a woman to know if they were the father of the child that might have later been born. When Claudine was 17, Prieur arranged a marriage between her and a friend of his, Drappier, to whom he later associated the business the former was running at the time; at the time these engagements for a girl were her father’s or her guardian’s duty. When Prieur wrote his testament, he left quite a sum of francs to Claudine's son as inheritance and lastly, there's also a letter from an old garrison fellow of Prieur, in which there's written "I wish good morning to you and your women". (4)

I’d like also to add that from the bits of their correspondence shared by Bouchard and the overall treatment Prieur reserved for her throughout her life, the two seemed to be pretty close, linked by an intimacy that goes beyond the one between a woman and an old family friend. He was always there for her, sent her various gifts and helped her financially. In my opinion, this further confirms the hypothesis that Claudine was his real daughter.

References

Why did he never adopt her, not even after Joseph Vétu’s death? It’s a question that those who wrote about Prieur never asked themselves, but that I personally wonder. The only thing I can think of right now, given my limited knowledge, is that he didn’t want to give her his surname and cause her to be persecuted. Despite never being the target of slander, he had been part of the revolutionary government responsible for the Terror and not a normal one, but a member of the “bloodthirsty Committee of Public Safety of Year II”: so was the view of the Great CSP during the Napoleonic Era and Restoration.

It’s Prieur himself that in a letter dated 1814 to General Marescot reveals he resigned from public life at the beginning of the century because he foresaw the persecution the members of the government prior to the Consulate would have endured. (5) If he had had a concern for his daughter, it would have been a legitimate one: Sadi Carnot couldn’t advance in the army, despite deserving it, and was denied some positions, because of the surname he bore.

G. Bouchard, Prieur de la Côte-d’Or, 1946, p. 54-58.

P. Arbelet, La jeunesse de Prieur de la Côte-d’Or, Revue du dix-huitième siècle, 1916, p. 38-51

Notes

On page 56 of Prieur’s biography, Bouchard affirms with confidence that the date of Thursday 1 December 1785 which Prieur wrote in his “Tableau du temps... depuis 1782 jusqu'en 1792.” - a sort of list of the main events of his life - corresponds to the latter’s unofficial engagement with Catherine. Considering that Prieur arrived in Dijon in August, it means it took them four months to fall in love with each other. Though, except for a vague remark on “a certain number of coincidences that would be too long to report”, Bouchard doesn’t explain in specific how he got to that conclusion.

From some letters and papers that Prieur kept, Joseph Vétu appeared as a “lousy and insignificant man” (G. Bouchard, p. 56).

Transcription by Bouchard (p. 58 of his biography)

Letter from Andréossy to Prieur (G. Bouchard, p. 361).

Letter to Marescot of 18 April 1814 (G. Bouchard, p.380-381).

[princess-of-the-corner]

Had a realization regarding the Aware AU. The question of if Sabrina & Adrien are friends was asked and I think the answer is an emphatic yes.

Cos timeline wise, Emilie disappeared when the previous school year was still on. This was followed by the grief and then the revelation "Our parents don't care about us" crisis's, leading out the school year & a two month break.

Sabrina may not have met Adrien during the school period, but during the break. When Adrien's actively agitating to get out, when Chloe is aggressively trying to both reinvent herself and generally distance herself from her parents. That's when she'd meet him and given how easily Adrien makes friends its easy on his end.

For Sabrina it'd also be a neat experience cos if we go by season 1 she was both very game for anything and also really liked the idea of her & Chloe being thick as thieves. Chloe tended to stamp the breaks on that and remind her who was leading, IE the "We're awesome- sorry you're awesome" thing.

Here though?

That's less of a thing.

Not to say its not present, if anything overcoming her dynamic with Sabrina would likely be one of the hardest things to do. But she also pointedly cares about their relationship and Sabrina idolizes her so there's no shortage of second chances.

Plus she'd be actively trying to cut out some of her more overtly unfair behaviors by virtue of them being mimicry as opposed to her trauma bleeding through. So while she might need practice, some things do get intentionally ignored or rejected to make a point. "No Sabrina's not my assistant she's my friend and probably way smarter than you, Felix."

Adrien's presence would also help in this regard. He'd not see the dynamic itself as inherently terrible. Its Andrey & Audrey, Emilie & Gabriel, even himself & Chloe to an extent. A more gentle accommodating (Weaker) personality being led by a more aggressive, bold (Strong) personality.

His main contributions would be just highlighting when she's acting too much like her parents, especially Audrey & otherwise serving as a buffer for when she's too prickly to be anything but hostile. With the former call out leading Chloe to usually reverse course change thrusters and circle back and the latter giving plenty of bonding time.

Plus, Sabrina's respect for authority is pretty much only respect for Chloe's authority. So she'd be very happy to help in any scheming and generally be down for whatever they are up to in easy defiance of Gabriel or Andre.

So yeah I think they'd definitely be friends by the time school rolls around.

How cognizant she'd be to their situation or what brought the changes on... I think she'd have picked up enough clues that she knows their parents suck & they realized their parents suck & are now essentially in a constant state of low grade rebellion.

The specifics, extent or ways this manifest in issues would be harder to parse given her general reverence/dedication to people she likes/admires. But I imagine she'd have a pretty decent grasp of Adrien's situation mechanically, and knows/deduces far more of Chloe's than she realizes.

Honestly I love Adrien and Sabrina friendships and I really need to write more of that.

Also while Sabrina isn't in the 'rich' club she can be put in the 'oh I realized my dad sucks' club.

[vincess-princess]

in darkness shall you be reborn

Chapter 14.

Word count: 3090 Warnings: some manhandling on Nikki's part A/N: this is just as unexpected to me as it is to you. i just had nothing to do in class lol

“Damn it,” Tommy laughed hoarsely, his chest trembling. “I swear I could have got you this time.”

“You couldn’t, but it was a praiseworthy try.” Nikki sheathed his rapier, stretched out his hand and helped Tommy up. Vince caught a grimace of pain flashing across the first mate’s face. The masterful, almost effortless disarming must have been less pleasant to experience than watch. Although Tommy should be thankful to get out of this death match practically unscathed.

“See?” Mick said. “All ended well. There was no need to annoy me about it. And don’t look at me all pissed. You needed to hear that, and better from me than from Nikki.”

Vince wanted to tell him a lot of things, the majority of which would definitely lose him whatever amiability Mick still harbored towards him. A few more seconds, and it would surely spill. And if there was anything Vince had learned on the “Shout”, it was that letting out emotions only made matters worse. Every time, without fail.

So he said nothing - only glared at Mick and stormed off to the galley. His fists itched to punch something; Mick himself was off limits, but his pillow seemed like a good alternative. Vince had a lot of other, more creative ideas, but even his mind clouded with anger understood the harm that would be done wouldn’t be worth the harm Vince would get inflicted upon himself in return.

He was halfway there when a hand landed on his shoulder. Vince couldn’t help but flinch. Did Nikki notice his presence, after all?

”Hey, blondie, hold your horses!” No, that wasn’t Nikki. Vince turned around and met eyes with Slash. He was the closest to them when Vince was so carelessly criticizing Nikki’s skill. Mick’s warning immediately came to mind; his stomach sank. Did Slash hear their conversation? What was he going to do about it?

“What?” Vince asked sharply. Too sharply, apparently, because Slash was clearly taken aback.

“Wow, why are you so pissed? I ain’t done you no wrong.”

Yet, Vince wanted to add, but held it back. He still didn’t know what Slash wanted.

“Don’t call me that,” he said in a softer tone.

“Well, I still don’t know your name,” Slash shrugged. “Gotta get by somehow.”

“It’s Vince. Now you no longer have that excuse.”

“Really?” Slash raised his eyebrow. “I expected something posher.”

“It’s a very simple version of my actual name,” Vince said dryly. “That’s all you’re getting. I’m not giving you any more reasons to mock me.”

“Man, you really taking that to heart?” Slash seemed genuinely surprised. How could someone not take that to heart? “C’mon, we were just messing around. We do that a lot - it gets boring here.” He patted Vince on the shoulder condescendingly. “Vince it be then. You know, I’ve overheard you and Mick chatting-“

“I was just joking around,” Vince interrupted him, his heart beginning to race. “Didn’t mean anything by that.”

“Really?” Slash’s face dropped. “Damn, and I was thinking you were onto something there. I practice the way the captain tells me to but I ain’t getting nowhere. And he always says I ain’t trying hard enough. But if you just made it all up…”

Vince couldn’t believe his ears. Was Slash actually… taking him seriously? After all Nikki did to crush any semblance of respect the crew could still have towards him?

“You know, every joke has a grain of truth in it,” he said hastily. “It won’t hurt to try, anyway.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Slash nodded. “You got any specific suggestions? Some moves I could try, maybe?”

“Uh,” Vince recalled his training sessions. Back then he was irritated that a significant part of them was dedicated to solitary practice and exercise, bemoaning that it took time away from actual sparring, but the pirates had just demonstrated how the lack of the former inherently undermined the latter. He scrambled to bring to his memory the exercises his teacher made him do. A few seemed helpful for Slash’s problem. “I think so. You’ve got good reaction and speed to match, but your precision and distance perception lack. You should practice on your own first so you can pay very close attention to muscle movements-“

“Really? How’s that gonna be helpful?” Slash wrinkled his nose skeptically. “What’s the point of just waving the sword around? I ain’t gonna fight a spirit.”

“It ain’t, I mean isn’t, just waving it around,” Vince began explaining patiently. “You’ve got to build your muscle memory before sparring. What’s the point of it if you don’t know what to do? You should become familiar with your body first, how fast it can move, how strongly it can strike, how long it can hold on in a fight. When you don’t know your own limitations, you turn them into weaknesses, which the enemy can – and will – exploit. You don’t need to get rid of them completely – I doubt it’s even possible – but you can plan your strategy around them.”

“The guys are gonna think I drank too much rum fighting air.”

“Are you so afraid of looking stupid you’d rather get gutted in a real fight?” Vince bristled. “I’m not forcing you to do it. It’s you who came to me for advice. If you don’t like it, you can fuck right off.”

To his surprise, Slash grinned wide, baring an unexpectedly complete collection of white teeth.

“Huh, you’re adapting quick. Fine, fine, I guess I gotta try it out. What do I do?”

“There are a couple moves you can start with. Basic ones. I’ll show you.” Vince walked to the stack of wooden swords in a sack, pulled one out and gave it a test swing. The handle, polished by countless hands to the point of shining, spun readily in his palm. The prop was just a little bit lighter than a real weapon, and the familiar heaviness of a blade in his hand pricked his heart with wistfulness. He shook it off.

“Alright, here’s what you can do…” Vince replicated the first exercise to the best of his ability, surprised to find that the familiar muscle strain it provoked was quite enjoyable. It did disturb his healing shoulder, but the pain wasn’t serious enough to put his arm out of action. Slash watched attentively, then picked up another sword and tried to copy him.

“Not bad.” Vince adjusted his elbows. “Now do the swing. Yes, it’s hard to control both your arms and footwork at the same time. That’s the point. When it stops being hard and starts feeling like second nature, you can try the next one. Look here.”

He assumed the position again and swung his arm back. Suddenly Slash’s gaze shifted on something behind him, his eyes widening, and the next second pain exploded in Vince’s wrist as it was twisted viciously, the wooden sword hitting the deck with a bang. Vince couldn’t hold back a cry of pain when his arm was locked into a painful hammerlock, forcing him to bend forward.

“Slash, you are on nightguard for the next week.” Nikki’s voice was simmering with barely contained rage. “And if I ever see you, or anyone else, let the slave touch the weapons – real, wooden, doesn’t matter – they won’t get away with it as easily. Is that clear?”

“But captain, you never said-“ Slash began.

“Do I have to tell you not to piss in the water barrels too? Because that’s just as obvious. As the first warning, you’re only getting a week. Keep bitching, and that’ll turn into a month. Was that clear?”

Slash’s eyes sparked with indignation from underneath his hair, lips parted as if he was on a verge of snapping back, and Vince waited with bated breath for him to do it, to point out how unfair Nikki was. As if reading his mind, Nikki pressed harder on Vince’s wrist, making him drop his head and gasp in pain, and that tipped the scales.

“Yes, captain,” Slash said through gritted teeth. “It won’t happen again.”

“Very well.” Nikki slightly eased the pressure but didn’t let Vince go. Looked like only crewmates were getting off this easy, Vince realized with dismay as Nikki pushed him in the direction of his cabin. If he wanted to just beat him, he would do it right there and then.

“Don’t be too hard on him, captain,” Slash said suddenly. “I asked him for it.”

“And he knew there would be consequences to doing it. I’ll handle him as I see fit, Slash. You get down to work.” Nikki sped up, dragging Vince with him. Vince caught a glimpse of Slash behind them, his expression helpless.

When they reached the cabin, Nikki threw open the door and pushed Vince inside with such force he landed on his knees and skidded forward on them at least half a foot, shredding the fabric on his knees and scraping off the top layer of skin. Amid the sharp pain came a bang of a door slammed shut, and then a hand grabbed his hair and pulled it up violently, and a new pain drowned out the other, fogged up his vision. He grasped at the hand in his hair, fruitlessly trying to unclench the fingers, but no scratching and pulling could weaken Nikki’s iron grip.

His cheek felt the coolness of the wood of the cabin wall, but not for long – Nikki gripped his shoulder and turned him around, his face now mere inches away, and it was so disfigured with the pure, uncontained rage Vince shuddered.

“Who do you think you are?” he hissed, fingers digging into Vince’s shoulder, making him wince in pain – because, of course, Nikki chose the wounded one. “Who the hell do you think you are, you little piece of shit?”

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” Vince tried to protest, but was promptly silences with a slap on the face so powerful his vision went white for a second, his hair falling onto his face. After a second’s lag the skin there began to burn. He didn’t get any more time to recover, as Nikki once again pulled his hair to bring Vince’s face close to his. If the captain went on with that, a thought flashed past, Vince would soon have no hair left. “You never said I couldn’t touch the weapons!”

“I was pretty explicit you weren’t welcome at the training, weren’t I?” Nikki’s pupils were so dilated they covered almost his whole irises, giving his eyes a sinister look. “You came anyway. Don’t act so surprised now.”

The pain in Vince’s shoulder grew stronger; he could feel hot blood starting to pool under the bandage. He semi-consciously reached for Nikki’s hand, but his wrist was caught halfway and pinned to the wall above his head. Immobilized this way, with Nikki’s knee between his thighs, Vince was completely defenseless.

Nikki leaned closer, his hot breath brushing Vince’s face. “If I ever see you touch – no, even look in a direction of a weapon, any weapon, I will break your fucking fingers. One by one, on both hands. You don’t need them to serve your real purpose anyway. Is that clear now? Am I being convincing enough?”

He was damn convincing, that was for sure. The icy fear coiling in Vince’s guts almost completely put out the burning flame of indignation at the injustice. But he still wanted to know how Nikki would explain that. Surely such a strong reaction didn’t come from just the fear of being criticized. Or, if it did, Nikki’s authority on the ship was much more fragile than it initially seemed.

“But why? I can’t really hurt you - any of you - and you know it!”

Nikki tilted his head, looking at him silently. His expression shifted ever so slightly, sending another array of goosebumps down Vince’s back, but for a different reason now. The anger was still there, but it… calcified, lost its dynamics. Vince recalled a time he felt the same uneasiness �� when looking at a death mask of his late uncle. Only Nikki wasn’t dead, and there had to be something underneath it.

Finally, he spoke.

“Yes, you can’t really hurt us, not by a long shot.” His voice was the same unnatural kind of menacing as his face. “You’re not equal to us in any respect either, though. The crew, especially Mick, are being lenient to you in that – you eat with them, you talk to them, you might even joke around a bit – but you’re not one of them and never will be. All of them earned their place here, be that their skill, bravery, intelligence or hardness. You, on the other hand,” Nikki released Vince’s shoulder only to hook his finger under the collar and pull on it, “you have none of that. You’re a whiny, spoiled, ungrateful brat. You’re only good for one thing, and that is what you’re going to do while on the Shout, whether you want it or not. You seem to forget what it is. Do you want me to remind you?”

“No,” Vince murmured, already knowing that his answer would not change anything.

“See,” Nikki pulled harder on the collar, and now their faces almost touched, “you’re doing that again. Shirking, slacking off. Counting on preferential treatment that you’ve been getting your whole life. I have bad news for you: here you have to earn every little bit of food you’re getting, every sip of beer you’re drinking. And do you know how are you gonna do that?” Nikki smiled an unnatural, toothy smile. “By spreading your legs in front of me and anyone who I give my permission to use you. By doing what I tell you to, whenever and wherever I want. By being a good, obedient, docile little whore. And a whore doesn’t need a weapon. Did I answer your question?”

Blood flushed to Vince’s cheeks; his throat closed up. Not that he didn’t know any of that, but he was still clinging to Nikki’s vague promise of rising in the ranks if Vince proved himself worthy even without realizing that, even knowing it was never going to happen. This was it, though; this was the last straw. There was nothing for Vince in the future, just more pain and humiliation, as if what he already had got was not enough.

Another slap, this time unexpected, again blinded him. What was that for, to drive the lesson home?

“I don’t tolerate when my questions are ignored,” Nikki explained when he caught Vince’s confused gaze. “Once again. Did I answer your question?”

Never before had a nod seemed this challenging. As Vince tilted his head forward, his tongue tasted metallic.

“Good.” Nikki finally released him and stepped back. Vince’s knees were so weak he could barely stand and had to lean onto the wall for a moment. This surely wasn’t the end of it, he thought, watching Nikki warily. There had to be more coming, something that would warrant dragging him to the cabin when all the things so far said and done to him would be much easier and more effective to do outside, in front of the whole crew. Nikki was just messing with him, giving him an inkling of hope only to later step on it. And he still hadn’t demanded Vince follow up on his promise.

But seconds passed, and Nikki wasn’t making the next move. What’s more, he didn’t even pay any more attention to Vince, lighting up a cigarette and settling in his chair with his back turned to him instead. But he didn’t give him a permission to leave either, and after what just happened Vince wouldn’t hurry to treat a lack of explicit prohibition as one.

Things were getting really awkward, and Nikki didn’t seem to care one bit. Vince began to slowly move along the wall in the direction of the door. No response from the captain.

Oh, damn this motherfucker. “Sir?” Vince called, his voice trembling. “Can I go?”

Nikki turned his head slowly and looked Vince over from head to toe. Vince couldn’t handle the smug look on his face, so he looked above his shoulder instead.

“Huh, you’re learning.” He let out a cloud of smoke. “Yes, you can.”

Vince took solace in slamming the door of the cabin behind him so hard the whole ship seemed to vibrate at the impact. That was probably the reason why all the pirates followed him with their gazes while he was hurrying across the deck to the hatch that led to the galley, but he still couldn’t shake off the feeling of filth smeared all over his body, invisible to him but clear to everyone else. At one point he caught a glimpse of Slash’s mane in the corner of his eye, but didn’t even turn his head.

Vince wanted to slam the door to the galley behind himself as well, but at the last moment chickened out and softened the push. Still, the sound was louder than usual, prompting Mick, who was chopping something up on the kitchen counter, to turn around.

“Oh,” he said, looking Vince over. “Lemme guess: you did what I explicitly told you not to do?”

“Shut up,” Vince grumbled, pushing past him and plopping down onto his blanket.

“You did,” Mick concluded with a sigh. “You should probably drop by Izzy’s place.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Vince rolled over to face the wall and pulled a blanket over himself. His knees burned like they’ve been sanded off, the shoulder wound throbbed under the wet bandage and the ringing of slaps in the face still echoed in his ears, but overall it could be much worse. He wasn’t going to come crying to the surgeon with every scratch.

“I see.” Mick’s voice hardened. “Well, I’ve got bad news for you: you will do what I tell you to-“

Vince flinched, his tongue again tasting blood.

“-because I’m your boss down here. Now, if you don’t need a doctor, you’re good enough to get your ass up and peel those potatoes. C’mon, c’mon.”

The tapping of the knife on the cutting board resumed. Vince sat up, slowly unwrapped the blanket, picked up the knife sent in his direction and settled at the counter without a word.

It was a good thing he had to stand with his back towards Mick when working. The cook still saw later how badly the potatoes were peeled, though.

[tanadrin]

Also FtM detrans porn guy again - yes there are forced masc fics on AO3 and other places, no it is not a common kink at all. Shame.

I think part of the lack of symmetry between forcefem for MtFs and forced masc for FtMs is the way HRT works for each transition and how society treats trans people mid transition. Testosterone works much faster and (in some respects) more permanently than estrogen. Standard disclaimer, YMMV, but many FtMs on T report passing as cis much sooner than MtFs on E. On T, the voice drops, body and facial hair and acne start, and genital changes occur often within the first few months. FtMs are often assumed to be younger than they are, because they're going through male puberty late, but generally assumed to be teen boys, not women. Cis boys start puberty smooth faced and high voiced - cis girls do not start puberty deep voiced and with stubble.

On the social side, trans men who mostly pass but are read as effeminate or gay or trans are not necessarily treated well, but mostly are mistreated as failed men, if that makes sense. I would say that the bar for passing is often lower in some respects for trans men than for trans women. A short, effeminate, chubby man will likely be read as a gay guy, rather than explicitly trans, for example. On the other hand, trans women who mostly pass but are read as masculine are much more likely to be read as male, full stop. You're probably aware of the whole Man In Dress In Woman's Safe Space political focus right now. There is a strong pressure on MtFs to pass perfectly as early as possible, because a girly man in the men's locker room or a mannish woman in the women's locker room is going to be scrutinized, shamed, and shunned (in many places). It's also more likely to be harder for an MtF to pass, because the effects of testosterone are fast and permanent. There's facial feminization surgery, but much less masculinization surgery. There's MtF voice training, not so much FtM.

Connecting the social pressure to pass and the physical limitations for trans people to do so, forcefem seems like a much more immediately desirable thing for MtFs. Wave a magic wand, don't worry about stares in restrooms because you look in all ways like a cis woman. Can't argue with you about transition choices because whoops, someone else feminized you and it's not your fault at all. Reference the romance novel trope that the noncon and dubcon and men behaving manipulatively are ways to get around the inherent mortification of the woman explicitly asking for kinky sex or gifts. Contrast than with forced masc for FtMs - it's often easier to pass earlier on during medical transition, so less time spent on e.g. the bathroom dilemma. Less pressure and more wiggle room with what's accepted as Standard Gendered Presentation And Demeanor. Why fantasize when the reality is not far off anyhow?

Also side note: the ways in which cis men treat trans women as failed men or objects of sexual desire are often mirrored by the way some sections of radfems talk about or treat trans men, but I've seen almost no fetish around the latter as I have the former. I don't know why this is, but I highly suspect that the incredible number of very dedicated radfem posters on Tumblr would make it awkward. Imagine trying to run a sex scene with a humiliation kink and someone busts in off the street and starts trying to convince you it's emotional self harm and you're actually disgusting for real for being into it. Kind of ruins the whole vibe even if you kick them out mid lecture.

Anyway thanks for the post and I promise this is the last ask lol

Yeah, I think the intuition for forced feminization porn is a lot clearer to me, just because our society has for so long treated male-assigned people transgressing gender boundaries as shameful and disgusting (or even an explicit punishment), while the reverse dynamic is much less charged. Thus trans women get treated as perverts and predators while trans men get treated mostly as poor deluded self mutilating women. Both are miserable, but the sense of threat and the desire for plausible deniability of sorts in the erotic imagination seems higher in the first instance.

[inbarfink]

I think I made another post that briefly touched on that idea before, but screw it, while my brain is in Undertale\Deltarune mode, maybe I should give it it’s own dedicated post.

I have a theory that the SOUL Modes in Undertale indicate a significant connection between the Virtue that SOUL Color symbolize and the Monster that inflicts that SOUL Mode. 

Specifically, I think that indicates that the Monster has a significant lack of that Virture.

Blue is the color of Integrity, and is the SOUL Mode inflicted by Sans and Papyrus. 

And despite Sans and Papyrus being such opposites to each other, I think the both exhibit a lack of Integrity slightly different ways. Sans is... for once he is very much NOT an honest character. His entire Thing is based on misdirection and trickery. From just making simple pranks to constantly hiding his ‘real self’ in various ways. His adherence to a moral code can be pretty... loose because he has become so apathetic to the world around him. He Judges Frisk, but he doesn’t try and stop them unless they kill Literally Everything in the Underground. And he’s also he’s also pretty half-hearted in ‘watching over and protecting’ Frisk like he promised Toriel. He just took a very lucky guess that this human’s gonna be an Unkillable Time God and decided that Not Actively Killing Them is good enough. He himself admits that he doesn’t know if he actually just grew apathetic from the knowledge of the existence of RESETs or if it’s just his excuse to be lazy. Plus, he’s so lazy that he really has no professional Integrity, and that what leads to his downfall in the MAX LV route, because he decided to take a nap in the middle of battle.

With Papyrus, his biggest problem is that he’s just... very very susceptible to Peer Pressure. Despite how on the outside he’s just so unapologetically and proudly himself, Papyrus is really really desperate for friendship and thus is really susceptible to changing his mind if he thinks it’ll get people to like him more. It’s really noticable in the phone conversations - Papyrus will say he hates something (like greasy food or anime), but than Undyne will say she loves it and he’ll immediately change his tune because he’s that afraid of losing Undyne as a friend. More importantly, his desire to be everyone’s friends tend can override any sort of standards he has, including moral standard. He tries to be friends with both Frisk and Undyne even though the latter is trying to kill the former, and he tries to both protect Frisk AND Undyne at the same time even though these goals are inherently contradictory. And he’s willing to be friends with Frisk even as they kill Literally Everything but him. I mean, part of it is that in a not-Max-LV run he’s kept somewhat ignorant of what Frisk did by Sans (lack of honesty, again).... but there’s also some implications that Papyrus IS smarter and more aware than he seems and his ignorance is of the Willful variety (which is also a lack of honesty\Integirty on Payprus’ part)

Green is the color of Kindess, and is the SOUL Mode inflicted by Undyne.

That one is a lot more straightforward. Undyne is the first boss who actively tries to kill you, she will not Spare Frisk and will not let Frisk spare her even if they’ve been the sweetest most Pacifistic child in the world. While we learn about her softer side later, in her Neutral-to-Pacifist battle she just comes off as aggressive and angry and very very not kind. But I think that’s actually a gooddemonstration of why Kindness and Goodness are not synonymous. Like, Undyne DOES really care about the Monsters of the Underground, she really is selfless, she really is heroic. It’s just that she doesn’t express it by being gentle or sweet or soft or Doing No Harm or healing or... kind, she expresses it by PUNCHING THINGS that make them sad. This CAN be a serious flaw, espacially in a game focused on non-violent solutions, but still... it’s important to remember she cares. She cares So Much.

Yellow is the color of Justice, and is the SOUL Mode in Mettaton’s battle, but it’s technically inflicted by Alphys, and it’s also used in her Lost Soul battle in the True Pacifist Boss Battle.

And I think it also very much applies to both of them. Mettaton is one of the few Monsters in the game not working to try and break the Barrier and undo the great act of Injustice done on Monsterkind all these years ago when they were banished underground. In fact, he seems quite content with his plan to become a star on the Surface while leaving all the other Monsters behind indefinitely - which would be pretty unfair and unjust for everyone involved. Plus with the way he treats his workers (or at least Burgerpants), I’ll say Justice is not the strongest value of my Favorite Bastard Robot Son.

And Alphys, meanwhile, has been hiding from her mistakes in the True Lab. Hopelessly trying to avoid the consequences of her own actions - in other words, she’s been trying to avoid Justice. Plus, with the way she will side with Frisk on their journey unless they are on a MAX LV run, she might not have a strong sense of Justice either because you can still be a pretty horrible murderous asshole on those runs as well. But it’s just the Power of Watching Someone on a Screen that’s enough for Alphys to side with Frisk whatever it’s actually the just thing to do or not.

(I at first wanted to skip Muffet because she’s a Miniboss so I’m not sure if she ‘counts’ but I guess you can spin something about how the Spiders lack Perseverance because they literally can’t preserve through Snowdin’s cold)

And the thing is... I’ve been focused a lot on the Neutral-Pacifist run, but in a MAX LV run - I think you can very much say that the battles that get ‘skipped’ indicate that the character DID learn to display that Virtue as part of the Route.

Like, Undyne the Undying still uses the Green SOUL Mode because she still doesn’t have a lot of Kindness - it’s just that a MAX LV route player is one of the few characters in the Undertale universe who honestly does not deserve any drop of Kindess, and Undyne doesn’t NEED Kindness to care about saving Everyone in the World.

Sans is still trickey and deceitful and he is technically breaking a Promise by fighting MAX LV Frisk. And his lack of Integrity gets the worst of him at the end when he puts his guard down and gets Slashed for it.

Meanwhile, Papyrus... I guess in a way he’s still trying to be friends with a Terrible Person, but... this is not about Papyrus being ignorant (willfully or not) of what kind of person he’s trying to befriend. He’s honest with himself and with Frisk about the sort of dangerous path they’re going but... he decided to take a leap of faith for the values of Friendship, for believing in the inherent goodness of Monsterkind and Humankind. for believing in HIMSELF. He’s being more honest about what he believes in than he’s ever been before, and he’s sticking strongly by these ideals even in a seemingly impossible situation, even when he seems to be proven wrong, even when he’s dying. (And you know what? Papyrus has a decent sucess rate for convincing players to abort the MAX LV Route or even stopping them from trying it in th first place, and I’m proud of him for it) - he has Integrity, and the SOUL doesn’t.

Same goes for Mettaton, whose actually doing the unquestionably-right-thing for once. Trying to be a line of defense for both the surviving Monsters and Humanity, because neither of them deserve someone like a MAX LV player. So for once, he’s acting on Justice. (And Alphys IS actually being a hero of her own volition, revealing to everyone what she has done, trying to save every single monster she can... in a way she’s probably being even more JUSTICE than Mettaton).

Now to bring it over to Deltarune, that general rule seem to apply there as well. Spamton is... the incarnation of Spam E-Mail, he’s a conman by definition. He sells Kris items under false pretences, manipulates them into giving him a more powerful body, encourages the horrors and pains of the Weird Route for his own personal gain, tries to take over the whole of Cyber World. I think it’s safe to say that Spamton is not the most Just individual. 

(But also Undertale somewhat links Justice with Luck. So you can also say that Spamton doesn’t have any luck because he used to be “a little unlucky” compared to the other Addisons and then when he seems to finally ‘hit it big’, he ended up crushing down just this time without his friends or his sanity. You can say Spamton is very unjust but also life has been very unjust to him too)

And Spamton NEO has an Actual Battle with the Actual Yellow SOUL Mode in the Weird Route.. because unlike Mettaton NEO, Weird Route Spamton is very much NOT acting on the side of Justice. He’s actually MUCH worse than his Normal Route Counterpart. He’s basically just trying to avoid the Consequences of His Own Actions. His horrible, horrible actions. 

I mean, that’s what the Player is doing too. But this isn’t about whatever the Player or the Player Character exhibits these traits. Just about whatever the Boss DOESN’T. You know, it’s not like a MX LV Player in Undertale has a lot of Kindness when facing down Undyne the Undying. And the Spamton NEO Weird Route Battle is basically two beings totally lacking in morals or a sense of Justice fighting over which of them will get to screw over the other in the end and Spoiler Alert it’s gonna be the one who’s an Unkillable Time God.

[overthinkingfandom]

The Room Where It Happens (Or: Power and Power Struggles 101)

With Wilbur back in the story, the amount of politics and power plays is bound to be on the rise, so I thought I would make a quick primer to help people understand how this all works a bit better as it can be complicated at times to understand.

Please note that this is an explanation on the very basic principles behind a strategic understanding of power and how it works. While this is based on my understanding of how power dynamics work irl, it's written with specifically DSMP in mind, thus not everything is gonna be transferable outside the story.

With that said, let's first establish what power actually is.

In most discussions, the word "power" is thrown around in quite an abstract capacity. People argue whether someone is powerful but they struggle to point out any specific thing which does or doesn't make them so. This makes discussion about the topic more complicated as the arguments tend to boil down to which impression the speaker got, which doesn't make for a good debate.

But actually, power is a pretty specific thing. It is the ability one has to make what they want happen in reality. Nothing more, nothing less.

Obviously not everyone can get what they want, as people frequently have incompatible wants and needs. When those conflicting agendas clash, it creates a struggle, at which point the person with the greater ability to make what they want happen, the person with greater power, will have their agenda come out on top.

The complexity of the topic mostly comes from the strategies which developed around those sort of power struggle "games", to the point where there are entire scientific fields such as game theory dedicated to exploring them. While I won’t go over everything, as that’s way beyond the scope of this essay, I will try to explain at least some basic stuff.

By and large there are two ways for someone to have to gain an advantage in a power struggle. The first is by having something the other party wants (for example, possessing a desirable item or a unique service). The second is by being able to do something the other party doesn't want to happen (like the threat of violence or blackmail).

However, not all advantages are created equal and not everyone knows how to leverage their advantages effectively. Someone skilled can make what they want happen even with relatively little power, while someone powerful can still be forced into doing stuff against their will. Power is not an inherent quality someone either possesses or not, rather it’s a combination of skill and circumstances. The results of a power struggle are largely determined by the situation and how things end up playing out.

Knowledge and information play a big part in determining success or failure. The perception of an advantage is just an important, if not more so, than the existence of the advantage. So long as the other party thinks said advantage exists, they’ll act accordingly, making the reality of the situation less important. Meaning the perception of power can create power. The obvious downside in power which is built solely on perception and not on reality, will crumble the second the bluff gets called.

For this reason, the person which has a more accurate understanding of the situation will generally also have the upper hand. Knowing what they can control, what they can’t control and how to use the former to influence the latter is a key skill for winning power struggles. A player which has an incomplete or even false understanding of what’s going on will inherently have a weaker position when going against someone who has better knowledge.

This is the reason why skilled players of power struggles will often try to take control of the information flow, to the point where it may become a fully fledged struggle in and of itself. In those cases, it’s important not to lose sight of which kind of advantage actually gives power. For as strong of a weapon as information is, it’s not the ultimate decider of who loses and who gets to make their agenda happen in reality.

Hopefully this brief introduction will help you understand a bit better the power dynamics which are such an integral part of dsmp's plot.

[mikiruma]

hi! i just had a small system related question and it's okay if you don't answer ofc! - how did you come to realize you're a system? i'm beginning to question myself as i notice more and more how i feel myself interacting with.. myself in my brain, and how wildly different i feel as if i'm a new person depending on the context of the moment. it's all very confusing and scary for me tbh but you've been pretty open about system stuff and figured you'd be a good person to ask advice :) thank you!

honestly this is such a big question.. which we wouldn't mind answering, of course. we'll do our best to condense everything into something readable.

disclaimer: we are not professionally diagnosed with DID/OSDD and do not currently see any professionals for it. all of our information comes from other systems via anecdotal evidence, relaying medical journals/their own psychiatrists, etc. please take anything we say with a grain of salt.

we don't want to be the ones to say we 'always knew,' because that would be wrong. what was true was we knew we had more than just what we were officially diagnosed with, which has always been just depression, generalized anxiety and ADHD. we received treatment for those for a while, and during, learned useful language to combat negative thoughts.

turns out it's hard to combat them effectively when you're using methods for singlets. we mentioned on @anothersystemcomic we used to write to each other- we think this might have stemmed from advice where we write ourselves affirmations. needless to say, seeing responses and having the conversation diverge from there was... interesting. for the longest time it was just me, mako and nebby. we had full intent of speaking with our therapist about it, but after our second (sudden) hospitalization, everything went quiet, so we didn't really feel the need..

cut to fictionkin amino. this is when the story gets a little.... cringey, for lack of a better word. yes, we learned what plurality was... yes, we also learned lots of conflicting misinformation and bore witness to lots and lots of drama that made no sense outside of that specific community. there was just enough halfway decent information thrown out haphazardly (ie correct diagnostic names, standard list of alter stereotypes, "fictives" and "littles" being system terms, but that's about it) for us to do our own research.. which is when it finally clicked. headmates started returning, albeit shaped by what they THOUGHT they should be based on the bad information we saw- some concealing their identities, others were outright fabricated as insurance for the former in case the concealing fell through & caused any rifts. (eventually the latter were all shed away & nobody in the former group feels the need to hide themselves from the rest of the system. turns out internal trust is built, not inherent.)

for reference, the amino stuff happened in the span of roughly a year and a half if we remember correctly. we quit the site & started focusing on stories from systems who dedicate their presence to battling stigma and misinformation, as well as sharing experiences with the systems we're in regular contact with. it's not an easy thing to come to terms with, but it's been a freeing self(s?) discovery that we wouldn't trade for the world.

this ended up maybe being a little more scattered. hopefully this helps? the way we "found out" feels pretty unconventional, but we're honored to be thought of for advice. the most we can really say is: keep an open mind with yourself, don't feel pressured to change to gain acceptance (even from other systems), and if you find later you aren't a system, that's fine too. it never hurts to be more educated & use the same healing tools if they help you in the moment. -🕸

[kitkatixx]

The Most Dangerous Game

Okay the jig’s up @xlostgalaxies​, @daisysmartheart​ @peppermint-tint​ so I’m cross posting it here. Something *not* art for once from me? It’s more likely than you think. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

It was uncommon--no, rare, for Kirumi Tojo to have the opportunity for a "break." Then again, such…luxuries such as these were not becoming of someone with the title of "Ultimate Maid." No, her dedication to serving the others would never allow her to voluntarily take a break, even if it was at the cost of her own wellbeing. Not that her classmates would ever see her underlying exhaustion, nor would she let them.

Which was why it was indeed, most puzzling for Kirumi to find herself watching her peers cavorting around the courtyard of the academy in formalwear, while her hand rested on the banister of the stairs, strangely void of some sort of cleaning material or her signature broom. Yes, upon three days after the conclusion of the first trial, their most unusual…ursine captor had gleefully declared this momentous occasion as a cause for celebration (a reward for everyone's hard work!) and demanded that all students not only attend but also participate, dressed to their nines--all the more fun, after all. So they had said, as if the others were just mere dolls, ready to be dressed up for someone's amusement.

She remembered the looks that swept across her classmates' faces upon the announcement. Indifference, confusion…try as some of her less expressive classmates may, it was abundantly clear that it was in fact, horrified disgust ringing through everyone's minds. Disgust, at the prospect of attending a party in celebration of the deaths of Akamatsu and Amami, two of their dearest classmates. Meekly, Shirogane had offered to create everyone's outfits--a very clear attempt to change the topic onto a brighter note. But without Akamatsu's loud, confident voice to show her support, or Amami's calming demeanor to soothe the others, her statement fell to mostly deaf ears. A very macabre party, indeed, she mused.

----

Kirumi nearly jumped as a hand lightly came to rest on her shoulder. Internally, she scolded herself for her actions--the Ultimate Maid should always remain composed, regardless of the scenario. Yes, even if two of their classmates had just died, it was her duty to remain steadfast for her classmates, especially for those who would indubitably require her services in the aftermath. There simply was no time to be wasted dwelling on the past.

"Miss Tojo." The smooth, yet unnerving voice from behind her was unmistakable.

"You," she breathed out, tensing up and clasping her hands together. There was no need to turn around.

"Me," came the velvety response, tinged with clear amusement.

"You are very well dressed tonight…I must admit, Shirogane outdid herself with our classmates' attire. Of course, not that I meant to say that you usually are not well dressed….kehehe."

If the distinctive voice was not enough of a dead giveaway, the mildly menacing, raspy snicker was a clear indicator of who exactly was behind her.

"…Shinguji. Pardon my forwardness, but is there a request you have for me?" Kirumi questioned, as she straightened her back, continuing to face away from him.

Her subtle posture adjustment did not go unnoticed. Shinguji laughed again, keeping his hand on her shoulder. "Kehehe…ever the formal one, Tojo. Such is to be expected of the Ultimate Maid, yes? As a matter of fact, there is a request I have. Will you not humor me with a dance this evening? Even for someone of your stature, it simply will not do for you to merely stand to the side as an onlooker…you do know how adamant our captor was on….everyone participating."

She would not have been surprised if the party was the newest motive for murder. Enclosed parameters, all the students in one area...yet…strangely enough, Monokuma and his children (to be affably polite) had remained relatively quiet after the trial, only appearing for morning and evening announcements, along with frequent reminders of the upcoming celebration, of which they announced with a most condescending air.

But, she thought, a request was a request. Even if it was from one of their seemingly less savory classmates. To deny him simply was not an option for the Ultimate Maid. Truth be told, despite his rather intimidating appearance and odd demeanor, the anthropologist had been rather pleasant to converse with, and they had struck up an unlikely friendship in the events leading up to now. ("Wooow, we finally have a mom and dad!" Ouma excitedly commented at the time, before she shooed him away.)

"Shall we?" Korekiyo tilted his head, holding out a bandaged hand.

In quiet acquiescence, Kirumi fluidly placed her own gloved hand into his.

Appearances must be maintained, she reminded herself.

"It would be my pleasure." Ignoring the tenseness of a few moments ago, they strolled down the staircase together, hand in hand.

------

With his normally loose dark hair tied up into a low ponytail, usual military-styled uniform traded for a dark gray three-piece suit with accents of green, adorned with a cravat, and cap missing, Kirumi was inclined to agree that Shirogane had indeed outdone herself, as the ensemble emphasized his features and complimented him nicely under the dim glow of the decorations. Not that her own outfit was anything to sniff at. While it had been a long time since she had last taken a job requiring such formal attire, she supposed the low-backed dark purple halter with a tasteful slit (thankfully, seeing as its creator had…interesting creative license) and muted lavender opera gloves she had been given flattered her form. A neat chignon and short veil, tucked in with her hair, completed the look.

Simple, understated, but elegant, just the way she liked things.

"Ah, humanity. Look at them, so eager, and so desperate to forget the actions of what just transpired. This stubborn optimism of our peers…it truly is just one of the many ways that the beauty of humanity shines through…even in the darkest of times. How heartwarming." Her companion spread his arms out, seemingly basking in the nonexistent warmth of an invisible sun.

It appeared he was in one of his moods again.

Feeling indulgent, she decided to humor him, and followed his glance across the courtyard, taking in the scene. Kirumi watched as the multicolored blur that was Yumeno, Chabashira, and Yonaga, wheeling across on the dance floor and holding hands as they danced in a circle with the whimsical joy of a child. Well, what could charitably be called dancing, as the bleary-eyed Yumeno appeared to be being dragged around by the other two. Off to the side and still full of rowdy cheer, Momota, who still had his bespangled jacket draped over his shoulders like a cape, remained stubbornly attached to the hip to Harukawa in his attempts to "break down her barrier," as he'd put it, to the latter's obvious irritation.

She panned her gaze to the other side. Ever the more…explicit one of the group, Iruma, clad in a magenta gown revealing a generous amount of cleavage had roped a flustered Kiibo into dancing with her. Surprisingly without any ulterior perverse motives, she had installed a new function that enabled him to participate in the festivities. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Hoshi and Gokuhara in the corner, the latter animatedly talking while the former listened quietly. An interesting development of friendship, she noted.

If it wasn’t for her inherent attentiveness and the slight glint of light on glass lenses that caught her eye, Kirumi would have missed Shirogane dressed in an unassuming navy dress with opaque sleeves standing in the corner under the decorations, posture slightly hunched as she admired her handiwork on the dance floor.

And of course, last but not least...not by any means. Astonishingly, the detective was not as attached to the wall as she had expected, seeing as the first trial had shaken him the most. Dressed in a navy and silver vest with a crisp white button-up underneath, hat clutched in his hands, Saihara had ventured out from his spot near the refreshments to converse with Ouma, who was in a white tuxedo, the signature checkerboard scarf still tied around his neck. Upon his arrival, the supreme leader let out an excited whoop (she couldn't tell if it was a real one) that echoed across the room upon hearing his "beloved Saihara-chan" had come to spend time with him.

She supposed, in each of their own unusual ways, her classmates were recovering from the aftermath of the trial, slowly but surely.

BZZZT! A jarring crackle emanated from the speakers as the TV monitor flickered to life. "Listen up you bastards! Father’s prepared one laaaast dance for you ungrateful little students! So you all better get on with it…even if you've been a total stick in the mud this whole time! Or else!"

Familiar and childishly mocking, the announcement of the five--no four--Monokubs echoed throughout the speaker, followed by the threatening rumbling of their Exisals stomping towards where they stood--oh, that was swift. They'd arrived much quicker than she expected.

The unnerving lilt in the beginning violin chords of Saint-Saëns' Danse Macabre broke the momentary silence that followed the announcement. Of course. How appropriately ironic, Kirumi thought. While her classmates remained blissfully unaware of the song, the significance of their sadistic captor's choice in music was not lost on her partner, who raised a thin eyebrow in response before offering her a bow.

"I believe this is my cue to ask you for one last proper dance, yes? May I?"

A dance with the devil, indeed.

-----

Reluctantly, the class made their way to the dance floor--even Harukawa, who had grudgingly agreed to partner with the delighted Momota, and Hoshi, trademark hat on head, half-heartedly swayed, while at his side, Gokuhara made his best attempts to "be a gentleman" in response to the height difference. Kirumi allowed a small smile to curl across her lips. How…touching.

She was definitely starting to sound like Shinguji now.

As the song began to slowly pick up into a waltz, he guided her across the dance floor smoothly, yellow eyes locked on hers, unblinking every step of the way.

"Shinguji, is there something you wish to speak to me about?" she asked, gracefully twirling under his extended arm. The anthropologist stepped aside fluidly, straightening his arm with a flourish as she completed the rotation.

"Kehehe, you wound me. Even in our current surroundings, business as always. I always did admire that about you, Tojo. But, I must inquire, can one not merely have a simple dance with their companion tonight? That was my request, yes?"

Ba-thump. Her heartbeat quickened.

The violin grew louder as they slowly approached, gaze locked on the other while circling each other, almost as if sizing each other up, until he gestured with his hand, palm up in a silent invitation. Placing his hand on the small of her back, and hers on his shoulder, Korekiyo squared his shoulders, then turned elegantly, perfectly in tune with the music and led her into a series of complicated steps. Yet despite the complexity, it felt completely instinctive to the maid, almost if they had rehearsed the choreography countless times.

Abruptly, the violin's melody changed to a plucky staccato flute section, and effortlessly, they transitioned into a closer stance, teasingly taking turns pulling away, then reeling each other back into their arms, seemingly melting into each other's embraces like the flighty young lovers she had seen in those romance novels he was surprisingly fond of in the library.

And just as quickly as it had disappeared, the haunting violin solo made its presence known again, and he drew closer, closer, until they were nose to nose, threatening to brush his lips against her, only for him to continue forwards, reaching past her face and making his way towards her ear to murmur into her neck.

"Beautiful, is it not? Watching all of our fellow classmates dancing in...honor of death, and to partake in this scenic night…does this not remind you of something? You do know what I am speaking of, yes?"

Ba-thump, ba-thump. Her breath hitched slightly. Cryptic as usual. Nothing to lose her composure over.

As the song swelled, rising intensely as it neared its climax, she felt his grip on her shift.

"Tojo. Do you trust me?" He was looking very intensely at her now, as he twirled her around the floor, his yellow eyes almost glowing--they always did have that odd quality. Hesitantly, she paused, then lowered her gaze in response. Kirumi's eyes widened when the wind rushed past her neck as in one clean, seamless motion, Korekiyo abruptly dipped her dramatically out of one of the turns in their sequence, sending her falling backwards into his lowered arm right as the song reached its triumphant climax.

Amongst the crashing of the drums and cymbals, bellowing of the brass instruments, and thrumming of the strings, he leaned in again, the zipper on his mask hinting at a hidden simper.

Ba-thump. Ba-thump, Ba-thump. She already knew, but why was her heart pounding so quickly?

"Kehehe. I must say, your current expression is especially pleasing to look at, Tojo. My my, I do not believe there is any need for me to say more, yes? Indeed, it is most apparent that you figured it out--no, you, Miss Tojo, have known."

She exhaled. Of course she had. How, and why else would she have willingly accepted a dance with death himself?

The thundering orchestra was nearly deafening, blaring in her ears as she peered through her eyelashes at the figure towering over her, cheeks flushed at her current seemingly picturesque position. Yet her onlooking naive classmates remained blissfully oblivious of the sinister significance of what had actually occurred. As the closeness between them grew more intense, she reflected: never, ever in her career as the Ultimate Maid had Kirumi willingly allowed herself to be put in such a vulnerable state. Much less in public. But here she was.

Korekiyo--no, the mastermind's--grasp, gentle but firm on her waist, tightened ever-so-slightly as he gracefully helped her recover from the dip (nonchalantly, as if he had not essentially revealed himself just moments ago) right as the music died down into a gentle lull of the oboe. Out of the corner of her eye, she made eye contact with an upside-down, knowingly grinning Ouma who oddly enough, had gotten Saihara to dip him as well--wait, did he know?

"I must thank you for your time. I must say, this was a most enlightening experience for both of us, yes?" His words, smooth as always, interrupted her from her inner thoughts.

She could see the familiar hints of the smile creeping across the stretch of cloth where his mouth would be as the mastermind leaned in dangerously close to her again. Out of reflex, her muscles tensed, but relaxed as he opted instead to take her gloved hand in his own, placing a chaste kiss onto the back of her hand with a bow.

"Kehehe. Thank you once more for indulging me in my request tonight. For now, I must bid you goodnight, and good evening. Until next time, Kirumi. My dear…co-conspirator."

Her partner-in-crime always was one for the theatrics, she supposed.

-----

Notes:

In case it wasn’t super clear, this is an AU where there are two masterminds, and this round, it’s none other than our two favorite v3 goths working together. Tl;dr: mastermind!Korekiyo has a flair for the dramatic and just wants an excuse to have a super extra dance with his partner. Kirumi's just playing along, she knows full well that they're both masterminding the game.

Tidbits: -This was inspired by the mentioned Danse Macabre and Beethoven Virus songs!

- According to the French text/legend of Danse Macabre, Death appears annually on Halloween at midnight and plays a song on his fiddle (which is represented by the violin, according to Wikipedia) for the skeletons to rise from their graves, and dance for him. Hence why when the violin starts, Korekiyo mentions that is his "cue" (as Death) to ask her for a dance. And they stop dancing when the oboe comes back on, which signifies the rooster’s cry and thus is the cue for the dead to lay back in their graves. Perfect timing!

- So later on when he asks Kirumi if she knows "what he is speaking of," he is referring to how the current situation parallels the lore behind Danse Macabre since he is the both literal and metaphorical figure of Death/the devil as the mastermind, while the dead (their classmates) are dancing for him at the party, which is why he includes the "in honor of death" bit.

- I set up the story to be initially ambiguous about whether Kirumi just knew his actual nature (read: a serial killer) or if she also knew his actual role in the killing game but also tried to have vague hints in how she reacted to things or the way he spoke that may tip readers off about her status as a co-mastermind (like with the exisals arriving faster than she *expected*, his reference to her being his *companion* tonight) Hopefully it wasn't executed too badly.

- Kirumi getting a little flustered with her heart beating was supposed to appear to the reader as if it was out of fear, but it’s because of romance.png to clarify.

[script-a-world]

Clearly there are some settings which make no sense scientifically. But how do I decide when to intentionally ignore reality, can't bother to do research, don't understand research, and thus create scientifically impossible places? When are such things considered be offensive or overused cliche or have a reader point out the impossibility and can't get into the story? I'm guessing some of this might be structural issues instead of world building?

Tex: One of the perils of attempting to write about highly technical subjects is that you run into the issue of not understanding your writing. I do raise a nominal objection as your first sentence, because sensibility is a sliding scale based on one’s familiarity with a given subject. I don’t know crap about, say, textile art (however much I might have bluffed readers in the past - no, no, this is just good googling skills on my end), but that doesn’t mean the textile arts are an inherently incomprehensible subject.

Scientifically, automobiles were once thought to be insensible. Scientifically, phones were thought to be a flight of fancy. Scientifically, 3D printing was improbable. Scientifically, quantum computing was the stuff of sci-fi nerds who just wanted to slap the “quantum” label on everything.

And yet we are now on the verge of robotic vehicles, mostly functional smartwatches, laser printing cells (PDF), and quantum computers (VentureBeat, IBM).

So I would argue that the insensibility of a setting would be due mostly to, yes, a structural issue - on the part of the author. No matter what you put into your world, internal consistency is key; nothing, no matter how ostensibly outlandish, will make sense if you contradict yourself.

I’ll volley a few questions back to you:

“[...] when to intentionally ignore reality” - Are you ignoring reality entirely, or just parts of it? Why? How does that decision benefit your world? How does it detract from your world?

“Can’t bother to do research” - Is it because you are discouraged by the breadth of your comprehension of a subject, compared to the subject’s depth? Or is it because of something else?

“Don’t understand research” - Is this because you don’t understand the academic papers that turn up in your search results, or because you have a fundamental lack of or misunderstanding of the given subject? Or is it because of something else?

“When are such things considered to be offensive or overused cliche” - As someone who intentionally arranges their studying around the plausibilities of the future, I would quite frankly be delighted to see more conceptual stretches of the imagination in this regard, as do many others on this blog, and beyond it. Why have you already passed judgement on the offensiveness or clichéd-ness of incorporating scientific things? Is this related to your other comments?

“[...] or have a reader point out the impossibility and can’t get into the story?” - If you are writing to please a specific individual or demographic, you are inevitably always going to fall short, because it’s genuinely impossible to meet every single item on a group’s wishlist without devoting your life to it (not an entirely worthy pursuit, in my opinion, but alas). What made you decide to be so concerned over the potential reaction to your stories that you worry about it before the story is even written?

I think I will put the majority of my curiosity’s weight on the last bullet point, as I’m seeing similar themes with the other portions of your question. It’s a fruitless endeavour to tie yourself into knots over a possible (not necessarily probable!) reaction - and quite likely from a stranger, to boot. Education is a relatively easy situation to fix, so long as you’re patient with yourself; dealing with anxieties over readers is… not so easy.

I can really only recommend that you take a close look at the goals of your worldbuilding, and see where you contradict yourself - once you have that in hand, it’s a relatively simple yes/no process of what concepts you want to keep. If the issue of decision comes from a lack of understanding, then make a note to yourself to seek out either the million wikis we Pylons utilize ourselves like any other worldbuilder, or to chalk it up as a genuine lack of context.

Please understand that even someone who’s dedicated their life to a certain aspect of science won’t know everything about it - that’s the point of research! We’re constantly asking ourselves questions, and pushing the envelope of known boundaries. Star Wars has lightsabers, but we don’t need to know how they work; likewise with holodecks in Star Trek. So long as an audience is reasonably entertained with the least amount of head-scratching, you can get away with handwaving quite a lot.

Lockea: On a scale between Star Trek and Star Wars, how “hard” is your science fiction?

I mention that mostly to illustrate that science fiction exists on a continuum, wherein science fiction with more “science�� than “fiction” drives a story towards the harder end rather than the softer end. Also, a story’s place on the continuum will change based on what we know and understand about science.

I feel like everyone always beats me to saying all the important stuff about questions, so I’ll just give a few thoughts from my personal experience as a science fiction fan with two engineering degrees and a thesis about robots on the moon (yes really, I wrote my thesis on AI for moon robots). I really, really, love the creativity of science fiction writers. I think so often in defending the genre, we can get caught up in saying things like “science fiction predicted XYZ!” Well, sure, I may have studied Isaac Asimov’s three laws of robotics in my introduction to engineering ethics course, but I was also greedily reading my way through “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins at the same time. The fact that I sincerely doubt Panem will ever happen didn’t dampen my enjoyment of Katniss’s story. It was a fun read and it gave my friends and I something to talk about that wasn’t “feasibility of Battlestar Galactica” during our daily lunches.

The thing about writing science fiction is that, without a doubt, there will be someone who knows more than you about a topic who reads your story. Most of the time, I end up being that someone since everyone likes to talk about Skynet and robots taking over the world to a roboticist who sincerely refers to artificial intelligence as artificial stupidity. Y'all are seriously overestimating the field, my friends. Nonetheless, I still enjoyed “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” even as I thought how impossible Project Insight would be. Honestly, something every READER of science fiction needs to make peace with is the fact that writers will get something wrong. Writers, despite their best efforts, are not always going to understand that a facial recognition algorithm will fail if you introduce tiny amounts of random noise and are thus going to treat The Algorithm™ as infallible in your crime drama novel.

It’s not the writer’s fault, though.

That deserves to be on its own line. It is not YOUR fault if you get something wrong. Would it be nice if science literacy was just better all around? Of course! But it’s not your fault if your science literacy isn’t up to snuff enough to parse the article I cited above. It’s also not your job. Your job as the writer is to tell the most interesting story you can and to maintain your own internal rules and logic such that the reader never breaks the willing suspension of disbelief.

I watch Star Wars and get really into the light saber fight scenes and forget that light sabers are basically impossible to make. Star Wars has the Force, which is basically magic, and that’s okay. Really. I KNOW it’s not possible, but I still have a lot of fun watching it!

So yeah, write that story about how the robots are going to take over the world. I’ll probably enjoy reading it even as I laugh off my friends telling me that I will be the first to die in the robot apocalypse (of course I will -- I have five robots in my living room alone).

Constablewrites: Tone and consistency are the biggest pieces of this for me. If it’s the kind of story where the answer to “How does this work?” is usually a detailed and plausible explanation, then getting an answer later that is implausible or slapdash will stand out more. But if it’s the kind of story where the answer to “How does this work?” is “You push that button and it goes whoosh” from the start, my expectations adjust accordingly. (It’s possible to have the latter version in a story that is mostly the former, frequently when it’s played for last. Again, tone is key.)

So yeah, a lot of this is execution and the way the story sticks to the rules it sets for itself, and also how central the implausibility is to the story. A realistic thriller that relies on cartoon logic for a background bit might be a little jarring, but not nearly as much as a realistic thriller that relies on cartoon logic to set up its main showdown. The more central it is to the story, the more consistency and accuracy matters. Learning how to balance this can take some practice and some insight from beta readers.

[nightslain]

Sin, I got a ?.. How do you know if a muse is right for you? I am trying to find a muse, but having some trouble. I feel like so many characters only sORt of work well with me? I feel like I'm better suited for villains, but not many of them are actually pretty soft deep down (like, super soft) and I feel like that's what I'm naturally inclined to play. So I have a hard time vibing with a muse really strongly. Might have to make an OC, hm. If you know some good soft villains, tell me, haha..

In my experience, the best way to learn is always to do. Finding a muse well suited to you and your style is never an exact, predictable science and largely depends upon pure experimentation and playing by ear; speaking from experience, I’ve had a total of 24 independent muses on tumblr, and of them all, only 11 actually remain to the present day. I was pretty sure of my dedication to all of them at the point of their inception, but actually writing with them proved a different story. Some I just couldn’t gel with or thoroughly enjoy, some just were too difficult or awkward to apply to a roleplay setting and others simply proved to be a lot duller to write than I imagined them. I know I am meant for a muse when writing them is as easy as it is enjoyable--it comes to me naturally and I am not constantly stressing over how to emulate their speech, their body language, their thoughts, their beliefs--so on and so forth. I find the more I’m constantly struggling with my portrayal, the less that muse is suited to me and my particular writing style. If I can’t understand or entirely grasp a character as an author, regardless of how much I like them, I tend to get frustrated or flat-out bored very quickly. Leon is my magnum opus in the sense I have never been this consistently excited and happy to play a muse before him, nor spent nearly as much time constantly developing him down to the ridiculously tiny details and relishing in doing so. In short, he just came easily to me! I connect with him, his story and his themes very closely and feel like I have a good, comfortable grasp on who he is as a character, at least in my mind’s eye (even if I’m sure there are others that still would obviously not agree with my characterisation or parts thereof, which is a given.)

Some of my old muses though? I couldn’t even figure out how to consistently write their dialogue after months of working with them and felt generally uncomfortable trying to actually get my portrayal written down. The process was always tedious, difficult and unsatisfying to slog through. I just couldn’t do it! And in some cases, I just didn’t actually like the muse enough to really put the time in to make it work when the muse didn’t come as naturally as some do. Some characters you just can’t connect with on any real level when you try to work with them on grounds as personal as breathing life into them as a writer. Its a labour of love, after all! And some muses we just don’t love that much even if the idea of them is tantalising. It’s often surprising how little you like some muses you thought you loved once you’re the one trying to emulate their personality!

So my first piece of more general advice would be the following...

Experiment with any muses you’ve been fancying regardless of whether you think they align with your current ‘vibe--you never know what you will gel with until you try it proper--but don’t officially bring those muses to tumblr etc. until you’ve had some solid practice with them first. I’ve wasted so much time making blogs and aesthetics for muses that didn’t even last a month for any number of reasons, and to me personally, it was generally a pretty embarrassing affair to constantly hype up friends and followers to get excited for a new muse, only to permanently abandon them shortly thereafter when I didn’t like writing them as much as I thought I would and wanted out. Tumblr also enforces a lot of pressure by creating an environment where you can end up feeling obligated to write, obligated to constantly create content, obligated to attract and engage a lot of followers and this all ends up being conducive to burn-out; plus in some cases, can contribute to wanting to just abandon your blog when it starts being a chore instead of a fun hobby--something I don’t think is good for anyone, let alone newer roleplayers in the current climate of the tumblr RPC.

I’d advise you start by roleplaying over discord with your friends or in servers with the muse you’re experimenting with to get a feel for their character and how well they suit your writing style, or if you even enjoy them in the first place. I also heavily endorse ooc discussion and plotting with others alongside actual IC interactions. This is a great, low-pressure environment for developing a taste for a muse, fleshing them out, learning your unique style of portraying them and naturally, if you actually do want to commit to that muse after all. Much of the development and decision making behind my newer muses all began and is still on-going on discord, which helps keep me in check and keep my muses fresh and exciting to write for!

As for your dilemma with the type of muses you’re looking to adopt, I feel like your struggle is coming from the fact you specifically want ‘soft villains’ which are in remarkably short supply simply because...well, villains are typically meant to be villainous, not soft. I very rarely see characters embodying both traits at once because the two generally don’t mix, and people trying to play blatantly evil characters while simultaneously making them soft and kind (even if not overtly) tends to just come across as woobifying your bad guy, depending on the context of the character. Conflicted villains do exist, angsty villains do exist, complex, multi-faceted villains do exist, but the defining trait of an antagonist remains the same; they are bad people purposefully doing bad things. Softness doesn’t often come into the equation for straight-laced villains unless they are a) a reluctant antagonist or b) a repentant antagonist. But in the latter case especially, they cease to really be a villain at the point they decide not to do villainous things and repent/pay for their wrongdoings. 

In my opinion, what you need is a compromise between the two in which you can have the best of both worlds, and one of the better ways to explore both dynamics in one entity is to explore characters that were not always inherently evil or villainous but are pushed there by extreme circumstances and become almost distinct entities from their old selves. Characters that have a past of kindness and philanthropy that are twisted into villains by circumstance, environment or life experiences, or vice versa, will allow you to have two distinct verses where you can explore either side of the coin in peace, at any given point in their path to villainy (or from it) that you desire. A good example that might be pertinent to you is Hector from the CV game Curse of Darkness. He begins as a villain serving under Dracula with his abilities as a Devil Forgemaster, only to grow reluctant in his duties and eventually abandons Dracula and the castle altogether, deciding it would be best if Dracula’s reign of terror was ended. He also forsakes his abilities as a Forgemaster and retreats into living a mundane human life until the events of Curse of Darkness, where he actually assumes the role of a Hero. A really good textbook example of a complex, conflicted villain who ends up repenting for his involvement in the bigger antagonist’s doings and becoming a good guy. Highly recommend you check out his game and read the accompanying manga if you haven’t already, as he might be just what you’re looking for.

Another option is to choose a character that has an alter-ego of sorts. In my case, I also run a duo-muse blog consisting of two vampiric muses. The first is Ayin, a God-figure who is cruel, ruthless, barbaric and, for lack of a better word, purely evil. The second is Carvel, a “clone” of Ayin who retains all of the former’s godly powers, but is trying to save the world from his true self and from other vampires Ayin created that prey on humans. He is a good man that wants to protect others and would put his own life on the line to do it. Naturally, this gives me a lot of room to play with both sides of the coin whenever I happen to feel like it, and my muse tends to fluctuate heavily on the daily between whether I want to write for a nastier muse or a gentler one.

Last of all? Maybe choose an antihero. A character that’s kind of a dick on the surface but isn’t actually a textbook villain, and will come through to do the right thing when push comes to shove. These are in much greater abundance in the media since they’re a pretty standard archetype and I think you won’t have much trouble singling out a muse that fits that description. Also gives a lot of wiggle-room to play with where characterisation is concerned!  (I’ve been watching a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh with my best friend and girlfriend lately and tbh Seto Kaiba is a prime example of a anti-hero in that he is so blatant about his distaste for the protagonists but always comes through to save their GD lives every single time.)

It’s a little beyond me to suggest characters for you to consider adopting as a muse since, naturally, I have no idea who you are as a person or what characters you already enjoy except maybe those from the Castlevania franchise (hence my one and only recommendation thus far of Hector.) But the best thing for you to do is just experiment with handfuls of muses from any franchise you enjoy, practice them with your friends, and eventually you’ll strike gold with the one you know is for you. Just keep searching and just keep trying.

[monaedroid]

Janelle Monáe: Trans Folks to the Front    

Story by Peyton Dix

Sometimes it's hard to be proud during Pride. Janelle Monáe attended her first ever Pride parade this June in New Orleans. That same day a(nother) trans woman of color by the name of Layleen Polanco was found dead in her cell at Rikers. The 27-year-old House of Xtravaganza member is one of 12 trans women killed this year on record, and underlines an increasing issue of violence against Queer and Trans People of Color (QTPOC). Although these exist separately, Pride is oftentimes a month that makes it much easier to focus on the former (parades, rainbows and glitter that gets stuck in your hair for years) instead of the latter (the fact that many queer people are still largely at risk of violence and oppression).

Over the phone, Monáe unpacks parts of her past and dives into the 2018 Grammy-nominated Dirty Computer, but her passion pops out elsewhere. She mostly leans into battling bullies ("We have to be taught how to deal with bullies and bullies need to be taught the repercussions of bullying somebody"), creating active change ("Sexual identity needs to be taught in school. There should be courses on mental health, how to coexist, how we can all learn from each other"), and the importance of empowering and standing up for QTPOC ("In the same way we want white folks to support us and be better allies and use their privilege to make change in those power dynamics, it's up to us to protect those who may not be as privileged").

Throughout the conversation, Monáe is steady in the way she speaks, but her tone shifts and her pace increases when reaching these topics. The performer's anger and sadness are palpable and warranted. "I look to Indya Moore, Mj Rodriquez, Janet Mock (my Pose family)... Laverne Cox, those women are putting themselves and their lives on the frontline everyday. When their trans sisters and brothers get murdered, they feel it. We have to support them... It's just a responsibility I feel. I could do better. I'll do better."

This isn't the first time Monáe, someone at the epicenter of pop culture, has recentered the narrative to focus more on one of the most othered groups in the LGBTQ community instead of herself. Although Monáe can only attest to her own experiences, she has actively made sure to advocate, and make space, for her entire LGBTQIA community. Her performance of Dirty Computer's "Americans" on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert opens on Pose star Mj Rodriquez, who's trans, before the camera slowly pulls out to reveal a group of POC femmes holding each other. She sings a song that says:

Until women can get equal pay for equal work This is not my America Until same gender loving people can be who they are This is not my America Until black people can come home from a police stop Without being shot in the head This is not my America

Monáe publicly dedicated her two Grammy nominations to her "trans brothers and sisters," who she says "are shunned from these sorts of events." Institutional award shows, including the Grammys, are inherently and historically spaces of white, cis, male privilege. While they have recently gotten Blacker, our understanding of diversity must always continue to grow more intersectional. This is part of what Monáe is working toward herself, and advocating for from her audience.

Dirty Computer itself was an honoring of the 'other,' full of anthems for the ostracized. The genesis of the project was birthed from her understanding of Monáe's own self. Her "walking in truth" got her two Grammy nods, a GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Music Artist, and was named one of the Albums of the Year by The New York Times, Complex, TIME, and Rolling Stone, among others.

But it isn't these accolades that make Monáe proud. In fact, it was her choice to do something scary, to take a risk and tell the truth, and thankfully that resonated. "I'm just happy that my personal story has also been personal stories for so many other people. There's so many young people who grew up in the South or Baptist families, who were told that they won't be accepted by Christ. They can listen to this album and feel hugged. They can feel loved. They can feel seen. They can feel heard. That's the most beautiful thing." Monáe's fans were not just able to find parallels with her journey, but able to find validation in being "dirty." With this album she extended an open hand.

"Folks who are not comfortable speaking out about your sexuality publicly, we see you and you are valid and you matter."

Right before dropping Dirty Computer Monáe came out as pansexual in Rolling Stone, calling herself a "free ass motherf*cker." She reinforced that notion with songs like "Make Me Feel," "Crazy, Classic, Life," and "Django Jane." She solidified it every time she championed free gender expression with her clothing, and drove home the point when her boob winked at us this past Met Gala. Monáe is so exceptionally herself, so sacred in her skin, which shines not only through her music but in her powerful roles in 2016 films Moonlight and Hidden Figures Her character in Moonlight, Teresa, a pseudo-guardian to the young, Black, gay protagonist Chiron, sees many parallels with Monáe herself. She is strong, proud, protective, nurturing and poised. But that wasn't always the case.

Monáe grew up in Kansas City in a Baptist church, with a Christian family and in shoes very different from the ones she walks in now. She remembers being quite young when she realized she was queer, and although the vocabulary wasn't there, the feelings were. "I was like eight," she remembers. "I don't think I actually knew how I identified. I knew that I was attracted to women, girls, men, boys. I knew that." Like many LGBTQIA+ people raised in more rural and religious areas, Monáe found it difficult to ask those questions without feeling ostracized.

"I've seen people get beat up because they were considered to be 'too feminine' or 'too masculine' for how they identified," she says. Some of those people were family friends, including a gay male friend of her aunt's, whom she watched be shunned from his community. "It was because of Black men who thought he was trying to come onto them, but he wasn't," Monáe says, "It was their own ignorance and insecurity and fear that led them to lash out. When I saw that..." her voice trails off. "To be a gay Black man, and Black men are like the 'heads of the households' and I'm a Black woman, this young kid. I thought, then it's really over for me."

Imagining that side of Monáe's experience is difficult now that she's cultivated such a strong and specific voice around queer politics and gender identity. It's hard to imagine that side of her experience having seen her on her Dirty Computer tour last year, and having been part of the sea of voices in Madison Square Garden shouting "I'm dirty, I'm proud" back at her. Pride has become such a staple in her narrative and her art.

But this month it's all too easy to feel forced into living your most out and proud life, when for many that's actually much easier said than done. "We have to make sure that we don't pressure people to come out," Monáe says. "Everybody doesn't have the same set of circumstances. There are people, young people in particular, that will be cut off from their family, hanged or jailed if they walked in their truth. Folks who are not comfortable speaking out about your sexuality publicly, we see you and you are valid and you matter. We have to protect our babies, especially in the LGBTQIA+ community. We have to do better. "

Photographer: Kelia Anne 1st Assistant: Carlos Quinteros Jr. Gaffer: Brandon Waddell Hair: Nikki Nelms Makeup: Jessica Smalls Stylist: Alexandra Mandelkorn Nails: Kim Truong & Diem Truong (using KISS Nails at Star Touch Agency) Location: Smashbox Studios

http://www.papermag.com/janelle-monae-pride-2638969039.html

[canadiangeekgirl]

Meghan Markle's name hasn't left the news since her engagement to Prince Harry was announced last year, and now that the two are married and expecting, the rumor mill is in full swing. Whether from "palace sources" or Meghan's own loose-lipped family members, it seems like no time was wasted in painting the incoming duchess as a "demanding" workaholic (how American!) with little respect or regard for royal protocol (I've seen the phrase "ripping up the rulebook" used quite a bit). It feels like every day there's a new story about Meghan not quite fitting in — and with each emerging rumor, it becomes easier for black women everywhere to read between the lines.

There are reports that Meghan made crazy requests for her wedding — though, honestly, I've heard crazier from my own engaged friends — and that she and sister-in-law Kate Middleton got into it after Meghan "berated" a member of Kate's staff. It's also been said that Meghan, a 37-year-old college graduate, philanthropist, and former actress, has such high standards and such clear visions for her royal agenda that it's become a problem. She's too used to working in a "Hollywood environment." She has too much "West Coast energy" (whatever that is). She has too many ideas, and she sends work-related texts and emails at 5 a.m. (OK, girl — if true, then that is pretty annoying). It was revealed in early November that Meghan's assistant, Melissa Touabti, left the job "in tears" after six months and, most recently, that her and Harry's (temporary) private secretary, Samantha Cohen, announced her plans to leave her (temporary) gig after the birth of their first child next Spring. This turnover is ostensibly due to Meghan's many "stressful" demands, which make her hard to work with.

I'm not exactly sure when having high standards became a bad thing in the royal family, but there's one word pervading these rumors that has me side-eyeing them all: "difficult." Like Meghan, I am a black woman from America with an abundance of "West Coast energy" who has lived and worked in mostly white spaces — and it's a descriptor that I've become all too familiar with hearing about myself.

I've spent the better part of 2018 trying to find ways to compare myself to and learn from Meghan Markle. She has inspired me to be more involved in the causes I care about, to remain outspoken about the injustices I see, and not to be afraid of busting into a room (or a constitutional monarchy) and shaking sh*t up. But as a black woman, it's not easy to take those actions without being perceived as "demanding" or "difficult." I learned at a particularly early age that people would assume my personality traits based on the color of my skin and their own unconscious biases. I understood sooner than most that I would "intimidate" people immediately upon walking into a room or sitting down in a meeting. Even now, I have to remind myself to keep resting b*tch face in check and to be careful with my words and tone because there's a chance they'll be considered "abrasive" even before they leave my mouth. I won't even get on the subject of my walking into a high-end store, eating at a nice restaurant, or staying at a luxury hotel.

The racism and sexism that Meghan has faced since her engagement was announced have been well documented, but even the palace's stern warning couldn't stop a relative from wearing this brooch in front of her or keep some jerk from mailing her a suspicious package. The latter incident was considered by authorities to be racially motivated and is just one part of Meghan's new life that she's had to get used to — when she's not being judged for her racial background by the public, she's being picked apart in the press by her family, most frequently her own father.

Black women aren't always afforded bad days or missteps, and that thing our parents tell us about having to "work twice as hard to get half as far" isn't based on a myth. It can be utterly exhausting to be black in America, and my sources tell me it isn't exactly a picnic across the pond, either. Although Meghan's "ethnically ambiguous" look — lighter skin, straight hair, freckles — does give her inherent privilege, she is most certainly still considered black to most of the world, and especially to most white people.

It's upsetting to think that someone so seemingly hardworking and dedicated to a new job — especially in the face of constant judgment based on her race — could be called "difficult" for diving into her royal duties. And listen, maybe Meghan truly did come in hot at Kensington and palace aides just weren't ready for early morning emails, incessant work requests, and that distinct type of "I need to be busy at all times and I'll sleep when I'm dead" energy that you can really only find in an American. But based on my own experience as a woman of color, I think it's more likely that Meghan's blackness walked into the room before she did; that she was assumed to be "demanding" before she even made any demands, and she was considered to be "difficult" to work with even before anyone worked with her.

Unfortunately, along with having to work twice as hard as our white counterparts, black women are doubly punished for exhibiting the traits that come from having such a relentless work ethic. Having ambition and drive make us "overbearing;" being assertive makes us "angry;" showing authority makes us "hostile;" and suggesting change makes us "rude," "demanding," or, even worse, "ungrateful." When people crystallize those biases in their minds before even meeting you, it feels like it doesn't matter what you say or how you say it. On top of everything else, you then feel the need to work even harder to change minds, to prove you're not a stereotype, and to clean up a reputation you didn't even know you earned.

Is it possible that Meghan Markle asked for air fresheners to hide the "musty smell" of Windsor Castle ahead of her royal wedding? Sure it is. But is it possible that this tidbit wouldn't be half as big of a deal if it were a demand from Kate Middleton? Also yes. Don't get me wrong; Kate Middleton is under an insane amount of pressure as the future Queen of England, and for that reason, I have to assume that she made her own crazy requests when planning her royal wedding, renovating her home, or choosing staff and caretakers for her children. What's interesting to note, though, is that there was no giant burst of dramatic headlines referring to Kate as a "difficult" new duchess or calling out how many of her aides quit their jobs. And even in the reports of rifts between Kate and Meghan, Meghan happens to be the aggressor, the "rude" black woman who came in with her newfangled ideas and bossy behavior. The undertones — that Meghan should feel lucky to be included, not bold enough to bring change — aren't hard to spot, either.

In a sad way, it really doesn't surprise me that the "difficult duchess" rumors have emerged. Meghan being an actress, born and raised in Los Angeles with a bevy of famous friendships and a marriage already under her belt, was already enough to elicit speculation about what kind of wacky American duchess she would be. Once you throw in her blackness and audacity not to hide it, it's easy to see how prejudgments were formed. When it comes to stereotyping black women as being angry and difficult — while subsequently expecting us to be strong and sassy for entertainment value — well, that train is never late.

[theseventhoffrostfall]

Because we're discussing ship combat now, where do you fall on the line of "every ship should be mass produced in the exact same pattern" to "every ship is a unique work of art?"

I can see appeals to both, for the former standardization and uniformity could lead to easier analysis of combat performance and it's easy to implement changes across the board, alongside training. There's a reason the HMS Dreadnought led to ship uniformity after an era of trying whatever. It'd help tactically if all your units were closer to being interchangable as well where you could more easily make squadrons of different ship classes with an understanding each ship would meet a minimum level of effectiveness at its intended role.

But the latter could work if the ships are 40k levels of huge and the gun batteries or engine rooms are so massive that a change in design really doesn't affect you because it's not like you'll be moving up and down the ship either. You'll basically live and die (outside of going offshore) at your station and if you get reassigned, your new ship will still have the same general equipment, just a different layout or more/less engines or guns. With how long they take to make maybe you have regional styles or world orbital dockyards that take an entire generation to make a single ship that's very culturally in line (aesthetically wise with maybe slight differences in how many guns or engines) with the makers, maybe even populated only by that planet and sent off to the grand fleet almost as a sacrifice of their sons. You could have very espirit de corps style ships in that way, maybe the more aggressive worlds use heavy plating and cover them in as many short range powerful guns as they can to get right up in there like a Roman legion. Or many other ideas like that.

What's your take?

I think it's likely that a given starship will stay in service for quite a long period of time, even compared to modern naval ships, barring some odd factor like an inherent design necessity puts a ton of stress on components it's easier to build a new ship than replace, and/or new technology comes out that it's impossible to retrofit older ships with. So, overall in a multi-planet polity, you'd definitely see distinct ship makes and models, since engineering factors, standardization and so forth are still very much going to be a thing when rolling out new ships to either fill a need for numbers or take advantage of new technology, but over time it wouldn't surprise me for modifications and customization, both minor and major, to let the ship evolve into a more distinct entity. Especially since they're not relying on parts from a big central factory for repairs, just by engineering necessity; a shipyard would by necessity have to have facilities to fabricate parts to order on a given ship if provided the relevant technical data packet.

You can have a super-strict, regulation- and micromanagement-happy governing military body that totally prohibits any deviation on warships, but more likely, after a ship is rolled out you'd see "Okay, captain, your battleship must meet these given minimums of XYZ capabilities for R number of railguns and T number of lasers, the missiles fabricated in your onboard facilities must meet N standards, you must be able to maintain Q amount of acceleration for V length of time" and so forth. If anything, some militaries might embrace that because it means new iterations are constantly getting field-tested and disseminated throughout the fleet if they prove to be worth the cost.

I'm not sure about extreme modifications like that, if it means sacrificing what a ship is supposed to be able to do in its role, but if our notional fleet has a dedicated close-in assault ship, yeah I could absolutely see the planet of Ares 4 or whatever specializing in making and crewing those. Similarly, I tend to envision crewing a ship in more conventional terms than 40k days, but yes, planets are not states; for reasons ranging from logistics to having a clear home port for the crew all the way up to possibly sharing a language beyond the greater nation's lingua franca, single-planet crews would very much be the default.

This is all in the context of semi-coherent nations and regular militaries, too. For mercenary vessels, there would be extreme distinctiveness between ships (though I suspect that since they'd be more likely to work alone and couldn't predict their fleet composition when they don't, private ships are more likely to be well-rounded to some degree, and far more likely to be built capable of withdrawing than being all-ahead juggernaut warships.) And if this is a loose alliance of planets that comes together at need, yeah, nobody said shit if Syracuse's triremes were non-standard from Athens', ships would naturally be flavorful and varied

[fictional-redheads]

Tropes of Toxic Masculinity in the Male “Heroes” of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“It's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day.” Rupert Giles says this faciously to his charge, Buffy Summers, at her request for him to lie to her about how easy her life as a slayer will one day come to be, in the seventh episode of the second season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fittingly titled “Lie to Me.” The term “guys” in this context, by the time the episode was written and premiered in 1997, was meant and understood to be gender neutral, but put into the larger context of the series as a whole could easily be limited to “guys” in the traditional, masculine sense. In Buffy, it is men’s actions that are most often morally ambiguous, with few exceptions. Even more, it is the men who fight beside Buffy in the battle against evil whose actions hurt her the worst, Giles included. Each of the male “heroes” in Buffy the Vampire Slayer illustrate the different shades and extremes of toxic masculinity by exemplifying an inherently flawed trope. Each of them, in accordance with their corresponding trope, take choices away from Buffy and cause lasting psychological damage with ranging degrees of acknowledgement from both her and/or the narrative. In this paper, I am going to scrutinize the three who were introduced early on and stayed through to fight the final battle alongside Buffy: Giles, Spike, and Xander.

Let’s start with the character that has been previously mentioned, Rupert Giles, typically referred to by both characters and fans alike simply as “Giles.” Giles is introduced in the pilot episode, titled “Welcome to the Hellmouth,” as a “Watcher” for Buffy (see figure 1). He has been assigned to her by the Watcher’s Council, an age-old organization dedicated to the elimination of vampires and demons from the Earth, to prepare and assist her in the fight against evil-essentially being the brains to her brawn. As the series goes on, however, Giles’ role in Buffy’s life transitions from that of detached supervisor and is built up to fulfill that of the Father Figure trope. Buffy’s own father is divorced from her mother and is never seen again in a non-dream sequence after his second-time appearance in the premiere episode of the second season. The creator of the series, Joss Whedon, admitted in an interview with the New York Times that this phase out had a relevant purpose: “It’s true that Buffy’s father started out as just a divorced dad and then turned into this sort of "evil pariah" figure of not even bothering to show up, and that was simply because we had a father figure in Giles…”

Giles’ attachment to Buffy as a surrogate child rather than simply as his trainee arguably first gets shown to the viewer in the season 1 finale entitled “Prophecy Girl.” Giles has come across a prophecy that predicts her death at the hands of the current Big Bad, the Master, and Buffy overhears him telling her love interest Angel about it so that they may form a plan without her. “Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune!” she yells, throwing his books at him (see figure 2). Buffy’s knowledge of her destiny since the pilot has been filtered through Giles, who struggles to serve his dual roles of both Watcher and father figure. In his role as the latter, he withholds information from her that he learned in his service to her as the former, and acts on his own instead in order to protect her. This will be the crux of their relationship throughout the series, and feminist scholar Gwyneth Bodger feels it is emblematic of a larger issue,

Indeed, he acts as a substitute father for Buffy, and it is here I would argue that the series departs from a feminist ideology. As a powerful figure in the series, Buffy has the potential to become the figure of the unruly or disorderly woman. In order to prevent this, she must be "owned"; her power must be channeled and controlled by a man, in this case, a father figure..

Fast forward to season three, and Giles’ role as father figure becomes explicitly textual in two episodes in particular: episode six, “Band Candy,” and episode twelve, “Helpless.” In “Band Candy”, Buffy returns home from visiting Angel to find Giles and her mother, Joyce, angry that she lied to them both that she would be with the other, rather than Angel. The mise-en-scené clearly indicates that Giles and Joyce are a united front in the way any functioning pair of parents would be (see figure 3). Later, in the same episode, having been placed under the influence of magical chocolate bars that revert them back to their teenage personalities, the two sleep together. In doing so, Giles-if only temporarily; this is the only time that he and Joyce sleep together-officially takes over all “fatherly” duties in the Summers household. Buffy is disgusted when she finds out they had sex, but only to the extent any teenager would be to discover their parents’ sex life.

In “Helpless,” just as Buffy’s birth father betrays her by missing her birthday, Giles betrays her by removing her powers for a Watcher’s Council ordered test that has historically been conducted if a slayer reaches her eighteenth birthday. Even more devastatingly, he does so right after Buffy asks him if he would like to take her father’s place in their now broken birthday tradition. He soon comes to his senses when Buffy is nearly killed by the vampire who escaped the Council’s control, but it’s far from enough to immediately salvage their relationship. “You poisoned me!” she cries, wrenching her arm from his pleading grasp, “I don’t even know you.” It is only when he arrives to help Buffy save her mother from the same vampire as earlier, and the head Watcher points out what makes Buffy and Giles’ relationship unique - “Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgment. You have a father's love for the child, and that is useless to the cause.” - that fences are mended, symbolically shown by Buffy allowing Giles to help clean her wounds (see figure 4). His role as father figure has been reinstated, as well as reinforced. In the same swoop, Giles is kicked out of the patriarchal Watcher’s Council, which as Buffy scholar Ian Martin puts forth in his video guide for the episode, “is symbolic of him no longer being a contributing member of the patriarchy. He disobeyed a direct order. He broke with tradition.” However, it is Martin’s next words that are haunting: “While they have appeared to have reconciled by the end of the episode, Giles’ betrayal represents a sobering loss of innocence here for Buffy, tied to her actual father ditching her at the beginning of the episode.”

The next two seasons primarily serves to build their relationship further, but are not without their caveats. In the ninth episode of season four, while Buffy is under a spell that compels her to be engaged with her tenuous ally Spike, she asks Giles if he would walk her down the aisle. Initially Giles is touched by her request, but after a moment snaps back into the reality of the situation and dismisses it, hurting Buffy in the process. In the sixteenth episode of season five, when Joyce dies from an aneurysm, it’s Giles that Buffy leans on for support. In the eighteenth episode, Buffy tells Giles “I love you,” for the first time. However, by the next episode, Giles becomes concerned that Buffy is coming to depend on him too much, to her own detriment, and begins to withdraw. Yet, if Giles were to listen to and respect what Buffy was saying, he would realize that’s not what she needed. Joyce’s passing heaped even more responsibility on her shoulders-raising her little sister Dawn and maintaining a house-so what she needed was someone to share the responsibility she was drowning under with someone she trusted and looked up to. Someone like a father figure.

This dilemma would be picked up mid-season six, after Buffy’s friends had wrenched her out of heaven and back to a “loud and violent” life. In an episode filled with stylistic exhibitionism, “Once More with Feeling,” Giles sings a song that betrays his feelings on the matter: “I wish I could say the right words to lead you through this land, Wish I could play the father and take you by the hand, Wish I could stay, But now I understand, I'm standing in the way.” At the end of the following episode, he departs to England for the rest of the season, leaving Buffy to fight her growing depression and duties alone.

Giles returns at the end of season six and mostly remains for the rest of the series, but enacts one last, glaring betrayal. In the seventeenth episode of season seven, appropriately entitled “Lies My Parents Told Me,” he distracts Buffy while elsewhere one of their new allies attempts to kill Spike, who since “Something Blue” Buffy has grown to trust and have complicated feelings for. It’s the equivalent of a shotgun-toting father facing off against their daughter’s new boyfriend, only Giles would have gone through with it. Giles also has a rather misogynistic outlook on Buffy’s motivations, believing that Buffy’s protection of Spike must be driven by her emotions despite her logical insistence that after her Spike is the best warrior they have on their side. Buffy realizes what Giles is doing, the assassination attempt fails, and Buffy literally shuts the door on Giles in her life as a father figure as she says, “I think you’ve taught me everything I need to know” (see figure 5). Buffy no longer wants or needs Giles to lie to her, regardless of the place of fatherly love those lies stem from.

Spike, of course, is far from innocent either. For the sake of brevity-Spike has more academia written about him than any other character in the series minus Buffy herself- I will be focusing on Spike’s place in the fifth and sixth seasons in which he fulfills the trope of “The Suitor.” The fifth season is when Spike really becomes a part of Buffy’s team and starts to get close enough to her that he can hurt her emotionally, when previously all they were presented as feeling for each other was animosity. He realizes that he’s in love with her at the end of the fourth episode of that season, and so his role as The Suitor begins.

Spike, formerly known to human society as William Pratt, was turned into a vampire in Victorian England in 1880 at 27 years old. The ways in which Spike goes about trying to earn Buffy’s affections throughout season five parallel a twisted version of the courtly love sensibilities that would have been popular when he was turned, even if the term itself had not yet been coined. In her scholarly article, “‘Ain’t Love Grand?’ Spike and Courtly Love,” Victoria Spah outlines and describes exactly what this means:

The term "Courtly Love" is used to describe a certain kind of relationship common in romantic medieval literature. The knight/lover finds himself desperately and piteously enamored of a divinely beautiful but unobtainable [sic] woman. After a period of distressed introspection, he offers himself as her faithful servant and goes forth to perform brave deeds in her honor. His desire to impress her and to be found worthy of her gradually transforms and ennobles him; his sufferings—inner turmoil, doubts as to the lady's care of him, as well as physical travails—ultimately lends him wisdom, patience, and virtue and his acts themselves worldly renown… Like any intricate allusion, references to the various pertinent aspects of the mythos (which itself has no definitive version) are woven subtly throughout without heavy-handed complete correspondence. Spike and Buffy are after all modern characters and as such must retain the psychological depth lacking in medieval stock characters, and thus their story is not informed solely by the Courtly Love tradition. The correspondence, ironic and teasing at times, straight-forward at others, is however quite fascinating and worth further examination.

The first stage of courtly love is, “Attraction to the lady, usually via eyes/glance.” The actor who played Spike, James Marsters, has stated in multiple interviews over the years that, “As an actor, I right away played an attraction to Buffy.” In his first episode, “School Hard,” Spike stalks Buffy, watching her dance at the Bronze and then having her fights secretly videotaped so that he can study her moves (see figure 6). Even these early scenes have, as Marsters himself admits, “a heavy sexual undercurrent.” The watching of the videotapes in particular is inherently voyeuristic, and presents a modern take on how “glance” and gaze has changed since the middle ages.

Getting back to the focus on season five, the second stage is, “Worship of the lady from afar.” After Spike realizes he’s in love with Buffy, it quickly turns into an obsession. He lingers outside Buffy’s house, chain smoking cigarettes and watching at her bedroom window. He sniffs her sweaters when she isn't home. He rehearses conversations with her on a look-a-like mannequin that rapidly turn violent when he anticipates her rejections. He even has a “Buffy shrine” dedicated to her, filled with pictures and sketches of her, her sweater that he stole after he sniffed it, a bloody gauze that was used to bandage a severe stab wound she recently got, and multiple of her stakes. Buffy is disgusted and horrified by this when she comes across it in the episode “Crush.” Her keen sense of violation is made clear when she punches Spike across the room and into the shrine, destroying it (see figure 7). It’s a beat that summarizes the worst of their relationship in these two seasons in a single snapshot: Spike sees Buffy as an object of worship that with enough prodding he can bring down to his level, but Buffy destroys that dream every time.

The episode “Crush” is a major one for their relationship, as it is when Spike reveals his feelings to her for the first time in accordance with the third stage, “Declaration of passionate devotion,” as well as the fourth stage, “Virtuous rejection by the lady.” Spike makes these declarations twice in this episode, but after Buffy rejects him the first time he makes the second one bigger, grander. He chains her up while she’s unconscious and makes an oath to either stake his sire/ex to prove his love for her, or let his ex kill her if she doesn’t admit to feeling something in return. He’s performing, putting on a show in anticipation of completion of the fourth stage. Even he knows that doing this is not the way to get Buffy to change her mind from her previous refusal. He’s taken it upon himself to move her from passive object of desire to active participant in the courtly ritual. It’s another example of him violating her agency and sense of self.

After this episode, Spike takes a turn for the better for the rest of the season. He does one last disgusting, literally objectifying thing-having a likeness of Buffy made in the form of a sex robot-but before the end of that same episode is willing to be tortured and killed before he would give up information that would lead to Dawn’s death. Spike proves with word and action multiple times before the season ends that he would be willing to die for Buffy, thus completing the fifth stage, “Renewed wooing with oaths of virtue and eternal featy.” For his trouble, Spike earns the knightly favor of exactly one kiss from Buffy before she dies in the season finale, arguably completing the sixth stage, “Heroic deeds of valor which win the lady’s heart.” However, it is worth noting that with that kiss, Spike’s redemption, or lack thereof, officially becomes yet another of Buffy’s responsibilities.

Spike’s role as “The Suitor” shifts in season six, after Buffy comes back from the dead. Courtly love has been completed, but not to any great satisfaction for him: Buffy still doesn’t love him. Per her depression, she doesn’t feel like she can love anyone, let alone a vampire without a soul regardless of his recent good deeds. Every sexual advancement that occurs between them stems from Buffy’s pain-of being torn out of heaven, of depression, of Giles leaving. Their sexual relationship for her is a form of self-harm. On Spike’s side, the first time they have sex is after they realize that Spike can hit her again, despite the government chip in his head that prevents him from hurting people. Courtly love is inherently aspirational, about being devoted to a woman who is unquestionably above you. When Spike’s ability to hit Buffy returns, Spike sees them returned to the equal playing field they had before he fell in love with her, and so turns into an abusive boyfriend kind of suitor rather than the virtuous knight he strived to be previously. Not only does he abuse her physically, but he also equips the classic abuse tactic of attempting to separate the victim from their loved ones, telling her that she belongs in the dark with him instead of dancing in the light with her friends (see figure 8). This all culminates in the nineteenth episode of season six, “Seeing Red,” in which Spike attempts the ultimate betrayal and taking away of a woman’s choice: trying to rape Buffy.

Spike goes to Buffy’s house after she’s put an end to their sexual relationship to try to get her back, while Buffy has been put through an ordeal that significantly weakens her. He forces himself on her despite her protests in the hopes of “getting her to feel it [love for him],” and then snaps out of it, disgusted with himself, when she manages to kick him off. As Buffy scholar Lani Diane Rich puts it in her video about the episode, “Spike is horrified by his own behavior and that’s good, he should be, but it doesn’t do anything to mitigate Buffy’s experience here...the shock and horror of that experience is something you carry with you always.”

Spike’s self-disgust leads him to a cave in Africa, where he endures a series of trials to earn, the viewer is led to believe, his greatest wish: the chip out of his head. In a moment of narrative spectacle in the season finale, however, the viewer is shocked to learn that it’s not the ability to hunt humans again that is Spike’s greatest wish (see figure 9). It’s getting his soul back, so he can, as he puts it, “give Buffy what she deserves.” In the established mythology of the series, the souled and unsouled versions of an individual are in many ways separate entities, with individual desires. Spike fighting for and earning his soul is akin to committing suicide so that a better version of him, a version more genuinely selfless and caring of Buffy’s needs, may rise from the ashes. The Suitor, both knightlike and abusive, is dead.

There’s a male character left in Buffy’s life who doesn’t face the consequences of his toxic actions the way Giles and Spike do: Xander Harris, the Best Friend. To be more specific, the “friendzoned” best friend, particularly in the first two seasons. When the viewer is introduced to Xander in the first episode in the series, it is immediately made apparent that he has a crush on Buffy, and equally made apparent she doesn’t reciprocate through her budding attraction to Angel. Yet, Xander continues to go forward with his feelings anyway. In S. Renee Dechert’s essay, “‘My Boyfriend’s in the Band!’ Buffy and the Rhetoric of Music,” Dechert describes a fantasy Xander has in the fourth episode,

As Xander dusts a troublesome vamp at the Bronze, an enraptured Buffy watches. After the fight, she exclaims, “You hurt your hand! Will you still be able to…?” “Finish my solo, and kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before?”... Then he jumps onstage and whips out a Hendrixesque guitar solo while an awed Buffy looks up at him. (The camera angle further empowers Xander here, shooting up at him as he stands above the crowd, the light outlining his phallic guitar and empowered-and fashionably dressed-body.) (see figure 10)

To Xander, the perfect fantasy is him being the empowered in their relationship in all masculine senses of the word-most relevantly, being the only man in Buffy’s eyes.

In the sixth episode, when he is possessed by the spirit of a hyena, his feelings are twisted into an animalistic form that prompts him to sexually assault Buffy. After the spirit has been removed from him, he pretends that he doesn’t remember his experiences while he was possessed, and Buffy never finds out he’s lying. In the first season finale, when he works up the courage to finally ask her out and she gently rebuffs him, he lashes out, “I guess a guy’s gotta be undead to make time with you,” but the narrative makes clear we are supposed to empathize and pity him for it, not resent him. In season two, in the episode “Surprise,” Xander details a whole revenge fantasy in which Buffy gets her heart broken by Angel, only to be saved by Xander. Again, it’s played off as a joke. Three episodes later, Xander uses magic to make his ex infatuated with him so he can reject and humiliate her, but it backfires by having all the women of Sunnydale, including Buffy, be infatuated with him instead. The narrative actually has Buffy earnestly thank Xander for having the “strength” and “self-control” not to rape her. Finally, in the season two finale, Xander is sent by the rest of the Scoobies to tell Buffy on her way to fight a now soulless Angel that Willow has discovered a way to restore Angel’s soul. Yet, he takes it upon himself to instead tell Buffy to “kick his ass,” giving Buffy no hope of any alternative to killing the man she loved. In the scholarly article, “‘Jimmy Olsen jokes are pretty much lost on you’: The Importance of Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” the author presents a perspective I’ve never before considered, “Xander doesn’t deliver the message in favor of disseminating more violence… Angelus was very powerful, but Xander decided that Angel’s death was more important than Buffy’s safety.” It’s the peak of male entitlement-the death of the competitor is more important than the physical and emotional wellbeing of the woman sworn to be the beloved.

Willow does restore Angel’s soul, just a moment too late, and Buffy is traumatized by having to kill the man she loves while he is the man she loves. If Xander had told her the truth, that information could have spared her from that. His role in Buffy’s trauma only gets brought up one time, five seasons later, and even then goes barely acknowledged (see figure 11). So why does Xander get to go scot-free from consequences? Cast and fans alike have posited that it’s because he’s a self insert for Joss Whedon himself.

For years, Buffy creator Joss Whedon was hailed by nerd culture as one of the leading male feminists in Hollywood. Then it was confirmed that he seemed to fire one of the actresses on the Buffy spinoff, Angel, for getting pregnant. Then Avengers: Age of Ultron got released, which featured an unfortunate scene in which Black Widow refers to herself as a “monster” because she is infertile. Then his misogynistic, stereotypical Wonder Woman script got leaked. Then his ex-wife published a letter condemning his years of infidelity and emotional abuse. And then, and then, and then. Just like Buffy experienced, oftentimes it is those who fight besides us, the ones who we feel we can trust, that hurt us the most. Perhaps our believing this time would be different was just our desire to be lied to.

@andieb4650