#is my impulse control nonexistent? yes thank you for asking

[inkblackorchid]

So. I may or may not have… started a collection.

[ihaveathingforwomen]

Mock Trial - Professor AU

Professor!Alex Cabot x Fellow!Casey Novak

Chapter 4 - Masterlist

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: Alex needs Casey to spend the night.

A/N: The WAY I was struggling to avoid writing a kissing scene. I'm reminding myself (and ya'll) it will be here in due time.

Alex’s eyes flutter open to find locks of red hair hovering over her, a soft hand stroking her face. As she opens her eyes more, she finds there’s a little crowd of people in uniforms surrounding them. She narrows her eyes, her left one aching as she does so. Her eyes finally focus and she realizes who’s above her, a smile crossing her face as her impulse control is nonexistent, “you’re pretty.” 

Casey sighs, screwing her eyes shut for a second. She shoves her hands underneath Alex, helping her up, “How do you feel, Alex?” 

Alex sits up, propping herself on her elbows and looking at the crowd around her. “My head hurts a bit, why?” Her hand drifts to her aching eye as it starts to blur again, “what happened?” She asks, wincing as she touches the raised red skin around her eye. 

Casey laughs, crouched on her knees as her hands examine Alex’s face gingerly. “You caught a softball to the eye,” Casey grimaced as her fingers brushed over Alex’s eye socket, causing her to whine in pain. Casey sighs, feeling bad that Alex is in so much pain. “We can call an ambulance, Alex.”

Alex pushes herself up further, “No, no no. I’m fine,” Alex insists. She starts trying to get to her feet, and Casey holds her hands out to steady her. 

Alex stumbles, nearly falling to the floor when Casey catches her in her arms. She holds her up with a groan, “Okay, at least let me take you to the hospital,” Casey requests. 

Alex steadying herself in Casey’s arms, a wave of nausea overcoming her, nods slowly. “Fine,” she murmurs. Her hand slips to her nose, trying to push her glasses up in hopes it will aid in fighting off the nausea. She’s sorely disappointed when her fingernail grazes the bridge of her nose. She closes her eyes and groans, “my glasses are broken, aren’t they?” 

Casey chuckles, holding her arm as she guides her out of the batting cages, “yes, I’m sorry.” 

Casey walks Alex out to the lobby, sitting her on a bench. “I’m going to go get our stuff, can I have your car keys?” She says, starting to step away from Alex.

“I can drive, Casey. Really,” Alex insists, her face turning a shade paler as nausea waves past again. 

Casey cocks her head to the side and steps back to Alex. She leans down and points at a sign a few feet away from them, “Can you read that?” 

Alex peers past her and squints. Her vision is blurry and she realizes just how dizzy she is, even sitting. She huffs and sits back against the wall behind the bench, looking up at Casey. “Please drive.” She directs in defeat. 

“Thank you,” Casey responds with a smile, heading back to the cages to get their things. Once their belongings are retrieved, Casey leaves Alex at the venue to go get her car. Pulling in front of the building, she turns off the car, leaving the hazard lights on, and heads inside to retrieve Alex. With the watchful eye of a representative, Casey takes Alex to the car, helping her inside. Their drive was long, Alex battling waves of nausea. Each time Casey noticed, she rolled the windows down a little, placed her hand on Alex’s thigh and advised her to keep her eyes closed. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time Casey had dealt with a likely concussion. She’d experienced one herself and one with many of her teammates and siblings in the past. There were a few times that her step-brother, Elliot, had to drive her to the hospital after softball practice to ensure her brain was intact after a stray bat or ball. 

Once they arrived at the hospital, Casey parked in the nearest spot available and took Alex’s purse from the backseat, slinging it across her body. Getting out of the car, she made her way to Alex’s door, opening it gingerly and leaning in to take Alex’s arms. She cradled Alex’s elbows in her palms, pulling her from the car as Alex still complained of dizziness. Arriving into the emergency room, Casey advocated for Alex as much as possible to get her checked in. Successfully checked in, the nurse hands Alex a clipboard with paperwork to fill out regarding insurance. Alex takes it, hands shaky. 

As they take seats next to each other on a bench along the wall, Casey takes the clipboard from Alex. At this point in her waves of sickness, Alex does not protest. Instead, she answers each of Casey’s questions, resting her head on her shoulder and watching as she writes. Bile rises in her throat as she watches, and she closes her eyes to push it back down. 

“Any chance you could be pregnant?” Casey asks, smile apparent in her voice as she tries fervently to lighten the mood. 

Alex sighs and groans, crossing her arms against her chest. Her hands rub her arms, goosebumps raising on them. “No…” she answers, nearly whispering. 

“Emergency contact?” Casey continues, sympathy overwhelming her need to lighten the mood. Her heart aches for Alex, disliking how much pain she’s experiencing. 

Alex tries to shake her head, but stops with a moan as the movement causes her dizziness to worsen. “I don’t have one.” 

Casey furrows her brows, adjusting so she can look at Alex, who looks visibly queasy. “Come on, Alex, you have to have someone.” 

Alex’s eyes turn sad for a moment, piercing Casey’s heart. She then forces them to focus and return to apprehensiveness, “I don’t have family here, I don’t have a spouse, and I love my friends but they don’t know enough to answer medical questions.” She sighs, putting her hands on top of Casey’s, which sit in her lap. Casey flashes a kind look, concerned about Alex’s state. With her hands on hers, she notices that Alex’s arms are chilled from the emergency room air conditioning. 

A sad smile spreads on Casey’s face and she withdraws her hands from Alex’s grasp. Alex squints her eyes as she watches Casey remove her leather jacket. Casey shakes out the jacket over the floor and adjusts her grip before draping it over Alex’s shoulders and pulling it tighter around her shoulders. Alex smiles, the burning in her lip returning, and not just because of nausea. For a second, she thinks to herself that she’d kiss her if she didn’t feel like throwing up. 

“Here,” Casey starts, readjusting the clipboard on her lap, “put me down as your emergency contact. You already answered all the questions I would need to answer and I know what’s going on.” She scribbles her name and phone number down, proceeding to the next line. She taps the board with the pen, Alex still trying to watch her closely, heart swelling at the gesture. “I’m sure you just have a concussion. You’ll be fine in a couple days, probably less.” Casey looks up and scans Alex’s face, a funny smile tugging at her cheeks. “Now,” she used the pen to point at Alex’s face, “that black eye you’re going to have is another story.” 

Alex laughed, the discomfort leaving her for a moment. She sits back in the chair, leaning her head on Casey’s shoulder once more. Her heart, while pleased with how things are going with Casey, feels severe confliction. She yearns for Casey’s comfort, dreaming of her kiss and company. But her mind argues against it, advocating for the social constructions that cause it to be forbade for the time being. 

She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes again to keep the sickness at bay. “I’m sorry, you had to learn much more about me tonight than you should have.” 

Casey, one leg crossed over the other and bouncing as she answered the remaining questions, gently leaned her head on top of Alex’s. “Don’t apologize, it’ll make for a pretty good story.” 

“Hmph,” Alex chortles, “a story for whom?” 

“Alexandra Cabot?” A nurse calls, appearing from behind a set of ominous doors. Casey pops up, shoving the clipboard underneath her arm and extending her hands to help Alex up again. 

She leads her to the nurse, who graciously takes her and the clipboard, “we’ve got her from here. You’re welcome to wait out here for her, we’ll come get you. Are you her emergency contact?” The nurse asks. Casey nods and the nurse thanks her, leading Alex away. 

The wait feels like forever as Casey paces the floor, mostly out of boredom. She tries for a while to watch the home renovation channel that seems to play in every emergency room. But, after a while, watching homeowners feign surprise and happiness when they see the expensive renovations starts to get old. At one point, she leans back in a chair she hadn’t sat on before and starts counting the ceiling tiles. This leads her to meander around the waiting room, head tilted all the way back as she attempts to count every tile in the waiting room ceiling. 

Despite her restlessness, Casey dwells on their time spent together. For one, she can’t wait to tell Charlie about everything that Alex had planned for them. Her mind replayed the batting cages over and over, her hands could still feel Alex’s thighs beneath them, her shoulder could still feel Alex’s head against them. Everywhere that she and Alex had collided had a constant tingling sensation. Her mind buzzed with hopes of where their bond would go next. For a selfish moment, she hopes that Alex will take their relationship a step further after her concussion wears off. She knows that no big decisions are to be made when recovering from a concussion, but that can’t stop her from hoping. 

A few hours later, the nurse emerges from the same doors Alex had disappeared behind. Casey sees her and pops up, meeting her halfway. “How is she?” She asks, sounding like a concerned spouse. 

The nurse smiles and Casey’s nerves calm themselves. “She’s just fine and wanting to see you, follow me.” 

The nurse makes kind small talk with Casey as they walk, discussing how busy the ER had been, how nice the weather was, and more. When they arrive at Alex’s room, the nurse draws back the curtain to reveal Alex, lying calmly with Casey’s jacket over her eyes. 

Casey’s eyes soften when she sees her, “hey, how are you feeling?” 

Alex slowly removes the jacket, taking in one last whiff of Casey’s scent. “A little better,” she responds. 

The nurse and Casey turn to each other, “are you taking her home?” she asks. Casey nods, smiling in a way that showcases her dimples, causing even the nurse to grin wider at the sight. “Good, I’ll give you her care instructions then.” The nurse turns away to grab a packet from a nearby computer and Casey takes the opportunity to sit with Alex, offering a sweet smile as she strokes Alex’s hair behind her ear. 

Alex fights the urge to nestle into Casey’s palm as the nurse returns with the packet of instructions. “Fortunately,” the nurse begins, “her concussion is mild, we didn’t need to do any imaging as her recall seems to be intact. She should get as much sleep as possible over the next couple of days and drink fluids. Stay away from phones, computers and TV. And, unfortunately, reading, work, and physical activity.” 

“You hear that, Cabot? You’re going to have to take a break from work,” Casey jokes.

Alex laughs sarcastically as the nurse continues. “All of the details should be in here, but always feel free to call if you have any questions or concerns. If she starts vomiting, and I mean more than once, please bring her back. Otherwise, she should be alright.” 

“Thank you,” Casey tells her with a nod. “Is there anything else we need to do?” 

The nurse chuckles and smiles, “no, you’re both good to go.” She starts to walk out of the room, but turns just in time to see Casey stroking Alex’s cheek with her hand. “You make a very cute couple, by the way. The nurses out front told me before I came to get you,” she comments. 

Casey turns, eyes wide and a nervous chuckle escapes her. “We’re not dating,” she protests. 

Alex turns to the nurse as she sits up, “she’s a close friend of mine,” she tells her. 

Casey turns, smiling at Alex and they make eye contact, the tension tangible once again. 

“Mhmm,” the nurse retorts with a smirk as she leaves the room. With the nurse out of the room, Casey starts helping Alex from the bed, her purse still slung across her body. Alex had improved, as she stood on her own. She takes Casey’s hand and grips it tightly as they walk to the car. Once comfortable, Casey takes her phone and accesses her maps, turning to Alex, whose head is tilted backwards against the headrest, eyes closed. 

Her eye was starting to discolor with bruising, and it made Casey’s heart sink. She clears her throat softly, getting Alex’s attention. “Are you feeling okay?” 

Alex nods faintly, trying to smile. The area around her eye is still raised, turning purple steadily. Casey exhales quietly and inputs Alex’s address from her memory of the paperwork. Their drive to Alex’s apartment was quiet, Casey keeping her hand on Alex’s thigh. Alex ignored her inner conflict and rested her hand on top of Casey’s for the drive. Alex typically struggles with other people’s driving, deeming them unsafe so long as she doesn't have control. Casey’s driving, however, felt secure to Alex. No swerving, she doesn’t follow too closely, her eyes stay on the road…for the most part. Even though Alex kept her eyes closed for most of the ride, she noticed whenever Casey’s eyes would wander to monitor her physical state. Even though she drove with one hand, her attentiveness eased any of Alex’s concerns. 

Arriving at her complex in the heart of downtown, Alex musters all of her energy to guide Casey through the parking garage and up to her apartment. Casey manages to snag Alex’s keys from her purse before she can, and sifts through the light keyring. She pulls up one that she believes to be the apartment key and shows it to Alex, who confirms with a light nod. Casey opens the door and lets Alex lead her inside. 

“Toby,” Alex calls in a quiet sing-song tone, approaching the kitchen, kicking off her shoes as she walks. 

Casey furrows her brow as she locks the door behind her and sets their things on the circular dining table to her left. “Is ‘Toby’ a hallucination, Alex?” Casey asks, teasing as she follows closely behind Alex, hoping she doesn’t fall. 

Alex shakes her head, “Toby, tsk tsk tsk,” she calls again. Alex turns her attention to the living room on her right, her eyes scanning through her squints. Casey comes behind her, ghosting her fingertips on Alex’s waist, anticipating a faint. A soft plop on the bar top behind them startles Casey, she jumps and presses her hand to her chest. Alex turns calmly and approaches the bar, a large hairy creature sitting majestically on the granite. 

She extends a hand to the cat, petting it softly. “This,” she picks up the ginormous thing and cradles it in her arms, “is Toby.” 

Casey’s eyes widen apprehensively as she scans the length of the giant, hairy cat. “No, that is a toddler.” 

Alex laughs, setting him down on the ground as a bout of dizziness crosses her vision. Toby sauntered over to Casey’s legs. She freezes as the maine coon brushes against her legs, head butting her shins and purring loudly. “Hmm,” Alex notes before turning around and heading into the kitchen. She keeps a hand steady on the counter as she walks, pulling down cat food from a cabinet above. 

“I have never seen a cat this big,” Casey tells Alex with a smile. Seeing Alex steady herself, Casey crouches down and pets Toby. He collapses to his side and exposes his stomach, which she pets gingerly before moving to his head for kind scratches. 

“Well, I’ve never seen him like a guest so much.” A can cracks open and Alex takes a spoon, scooping its contents into a bowl. “He doesn’t normally greet anyone, or let them pet him for that matter.” Alex continues prepping his food as Casey’s full attention is set on petting Toby, who purrs louder now. She glances around the bar at Casey, her heart swelling and eyes softening as she tries to focus her blurred vision. “I suppose you’re special.” 

Casey stands up again and waltzes into the kitchen, taking the bowl that Alex appears to be finished with, “where does it go?” Alex nods her head to the area behind Casey where a small gray mat lays on the floor. Casey sees it and takes it over for Alex. Toby comes by immediately, brushing against Casey before starting at his food. She pets him as eats, then stands and approaches Alex. 

“I think you need to go to bed,” she states as her gaze takes in Alex’s tired features, the bruise seeming to darken each time she looks. 

Alex chuffs as she looks up at Casey. Her gaze is longing as her mind recalls Casey’s scent, her hand on her thigh, her body pressed against hers. In her longing, her mind also recalls how she’d made the rule for herself that there would be no apartment visits. Clearly, that’s beyond her control now. She straightens up and makes her way around the bar, waving Casey on. Casey follows her quietly down the hall, seeing that Alex’s room is the one at the end. 

“I appreciate your help, Casey. I can call George and have him come over, though,” she proposes reluctantly as she steps into her room, switching on the light. 

The scent of clean linen washes over Casey as she steps into the room, and then the faint scent of eucalyptus. The light slowly brightens as they walk in, and Casey glances at the wall, seeing that the switch slides depending on how bright you want the room. Alex turns on a couple of lamps, keeping her hand steady on the bed or wall as she walks to them. Casey sighs, taking in the bedroom as she tries to speak. 

“You’re not supposed to be left alone, Alex,” she reasons. Alex doesn’t protest, turning to Casey with eyes squinted, asking her to turn off the light. She does so, then continues, “Plus,” she starts with a mischievous tone, “I can’t go home without being driven or walking. You can’t drive me and I doubt you want me to walk so far in the dark.” 

Alex stands at the edge of her bed, hands on her hips as she looks at the ground, pushing down the nausea that started to return. She swallows and takes a deep breath. Personally, she has no issues with Casey staying. In fact, it’s what she wants most. “You can stay,” she blurts, placing a hand on her face to cover the smile that started to rise. She drops it, “Please don’t advertise it though.” 

Casey laughs, approaching Alex and pulling her into her arms. This was the first time she’d seen Alex actually concerned about their…relationship? In her mind, she isn’t sure what to call what’s going on between them. It’s certainly not professional anymore, but they’re not dating, but not just friends. The one true thing about their situation is that there is a relationship between them. She squeezes Alex, rubbing her back to soothe her and taking in her scent as Alex nuzzles her nose into her neck. 

“I won’t,” she reassures as she lets go of Alex. Alex’s skin has a lingering vibration where Casey hugged her. She ignores it and leads Casey out of the room and down the hall to another bedroom. She switches on the light in the same way and Casey steps in, surveying the room. A full sized bed with a forest green duvet and pale green sheets, a lamp on either bedside table, and carpeted floors. The room had a similar scent of eucalyptus, but much lighter than in Alex’s bedroom. 

“You’re welcome to sleep in here, if you like. I have extra toiletries in the bathroom across the hall. If you need anything, just let me know.” Alex tells her, studying Casey as she looks around the room in awe. 

Casey turns to Alex, approaching with a soft smile. “Can I help you with anything?” She asks preemptively, searching Alex’s eyes as they both lean against the doorframe. Alex’s eyes only just started to stabilize, her vision clear as she watches Casey’s expression. She reaches up and brushes hair from Casey’s face, tucking it behind her ear. 

She takes a deep breath, her lips craving Casey’s as she smiles so sweetly at her. Casey’s cheeks flush a light shade of red when Alex tucks her hair, and she reaches a hand out to run her fingertips on Alex’s hip. “No,” Alex answers, pulling away, “I’m okay. You need to rest, too,” Alex assures her. Casey’s smile drops when Alex pulls away. She nods, taking a sharp breath. Alex disappears to her room and Casey hangs in the doorway, closing her eyes as she tries to push away every urge that surfaces when Alex is around. 

Silently and separately, they both ready themselves for bed. The lights turn off one by one as the night drones on. The door to the guest room is cracked, Casey tossing and turning in the bed as she fights her impulsive thoughts. The thoughts run incessantly, begging her to sneak her way into Alex’s room. Begging her to wake the older woman and kiss her softly, to hold her close. She can feel the words on her tongue, imagining telling Alex how she feels. The delusional part of her mind dreams up the way that Alex would admit to feeling the same. The cynical part of her would turn those dreams into ways that Alex would excuse their feelings, keeping them forbidden for the sake of their careers. 

Eventually, she tossed and turned enough, Casey lulled herself into sleep. Though she’d fallen asleep, the sleep was light. Surely a few hours later, Casey stirred at the sound of voices speaking in the living room. Furrowing her brow in the dark, Casey sat up on her elbows and listened a while longer. Curiosity gets the best of her and she pulls herself out of the bed, stumbling towards the door. She creeps through the hallway, peering down at Alex’s bedroom where the light is off and the door is shut. She then makes her way out to the living room where the light of the TV casts shadows over the couch, illuminating a tall figure. 

Casey crosses her arms against her chest, the cold air hardening her nipples and bringing discomfort. She approaches the couch, tilting her head to determine the features of the figure. Alex sits, legs crossed and eyes squinting, she occasionally rocks to the side. Casey chokes back a chuckle as she makes her way into Alex’s view. Alex looks up, eyes wide and a little scared. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I have insomnia…I couldn’t sleep.” she whispers in the dark. 

Casey shakes her head, glancing at the tv behind her. “You’re not supposed to watch TV, Alex.” She looks up and scans the room, finding a lamp. She goes to it, turning it on and Alex leans forward, grabbing the remote and turning off the TV in compliance with Casey’s statement. 

“You didn’t wake me,” Casey tells her as she returns to the couch, taking a seat next to her. 

Alex turns, keeping her knee pulled to her chest as she scans Casey’s body. She hadn’t imagined this would be the way that she’d see Casey in her Harvard sweatshirt. No, she’d pictured it would be after the first time they spent an intimate night together. She had imagined Casey coming into her kitchen in nothing but the sweatshirt, kissing her and holding her hips against the counter. Even still, Alex still adores the sight before her. Casey adorned a short pair of drawstring shorts and the hoodie, nothing else. She smiles softly as she catches Casey’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday,” Alex murmurs. 

Casey rolls her eyes and leans forward, placing her hand on Alex’s knee. “You didn’t ruin a thing. This was actually the best birthday celebration I’ve had in a long time.” 

Alex furrows her brow and drops her knee, returning to her cross-legged stance in front of Casey. “No way. Spending the night in the ER because your gir-” Alex stopped herself, biting her lip and taking a deep breath. “Because your friend has poor hand-eye coordination.” 

Casey laughs, trying to ignore how Alex nearly deemed herself her girlfriend. “I usually plan my own birthday outings,” Casey admits. Alex leans forward, listening. “My friends or parents are nice enough to pay for it most times but I usually have to organize everything. It was really nice to not have to decide or worry.” 

They share a moment of silence, Alex taking in the information at face-value. Later, she’d never admit it, but that’s when she decided she would plan every single one of Casey’s birthdays that she’s there for. They held each other’s eyes and let their minds wander together. Until a memory pops into Alex’s mind. “Fuck!” she states urgently, standing faster than Casey would like. She reaches her hand out as Alex stumbles around the couch and into the hallway. 

“What’s wrong?” Casey shouts after her, watching the hallway closely and waiting for a clash to follow. 

A few moments later, after some stuff was audibly shuffled around, Alex emerges from the hallway on her tiptoes. She arrives in front of Casey’s vision and smiles widely, “Happy Birthday, by the way.” 

Casey’s eyes swell as she takes in the gift before her. Alex places it on the coffee table and plops on the couch, a wave of exhaustion and dizziness hitting her. Casey grins and sits on the edge of the couch, her fingers reaching out to touch the gift gently. “Go ahead,” Alex whispers to her, watching intently as Casey takes the gift. 

On the coffee table, a mid-sized flower pot sits on top of a wrapped box. The pot holds Casey’s favorite flower, a bundle of bleeding hearts with a little picket sign detailing care instructions. “You told me that it was on hold,” Casey notes, turning back to Alex whose head is propped on her arm as she watches Casey lovingly. 

“It was on hold for you,” Alex tells her, an air of cockiness to her tone. 

Casey laughs, blush rising to her cheeks as she turns around to unwrap the box. She gingerly tore through the openings in the paper, unfolding it as she removed it from the box. The lid to the box comes off with ease, revealing a collection of crumpled papers resting on top. She takes them out and sets them on the table as she sees the true gift beneath. She unearths a book, hard back and gray, with a black spine. Along the spine, the title was engraved in red lettering. She ran her fingers across, biting her lip and smiling. She turned the book on its spine in her palm, realizing the pages had an array of colors attached to them. She let the book fall open and began flipping through the pages. Her fingers ran over the pages, studying them. All over the textured paper were notes scribbled in pencil, words underlined in different colored pens, an assortment of different colored tabs denoting parts of interest, and colored sticky notes at the end of each chapter giving a detailed analysis of the chapter it follows. 

Casey’s mouth fell open and she closed the book, turning to Alex, her heart swollen and beating into her breasts. “Alex…” she starts, her eyes darting between the blonde and the book. 

Alex smiles cockily, “You mentioned it last spring. I had it in my collection so I reread it and annotated it for you. I know you’ve been meaning to read it.” 

Casey runs her tongue over her lip, taking it between her teeth and biting it to shove down the urge in her mouth. Her eyes start to well as she stares at Alex. About to overflow, she turns away and closes her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. She wipes it away and sniffles, turning back to Alex. 

She sighs, her sad eyes searching Alex’s face for more than longing. “Thank you,” she whispers, feeling her throat tighten as she tries to speak. 

Alex sighs, too, leaning forward and taking Casey in her arms. She hugs her tight, fingers weaving into her hair and gently scratching her scalp. “Casey, I’m sorry.” 

Casey chokes out a laugh and tears herself, reluctantly, from Alex’s arms. “Why are you sorry?” Alex shrugs, watching closely as Casey wipes another tear and sits back against the other end of the couch. “Well, don’t be. You haven’t done anything wrong, Alex.” 

They talked a while longer, trying fervently to discuss frivolous things like school, work, internships, and whatever else they could manage. Both of them fought the urge to kiss the other, the urge to touch more than just caresses of the hands. Eventually, and much to Alex’s shock, sleep overtook them. Soundly through the rest of the dark of night they sleep, Toby at their feet on the opposite end of the couch. Their sleep was dreamless and sweet, their noses taking in each other's scent as they breathe steadily. 

When morning light starts to creep through the blinds, Alex stirs, turning her head away from the light and towards the television. As she does so, the texture beneath her cheeks is soft, softer than that of the couch. She takes a breath, orienting herself and taking in sensory information. Her hands are beneath her and wrapped around a pillow, maybe. But something is around her torso. She unclasps her hands and presses them against the couch, raising herself up to find what she’d been laying on. 

Beneath her, Casey moans, waking too. Alex’s breaths pick up pace a bit as she realizes Casey’s arms wrapped around her torso, her head was just resting on her chest, and her own torso between Casey’s legs. Her memory before falling asleep was a bit hazy, her head aching as she tries to recall. She pushes herself up from Casey’s body, and Casey whines as the warmth leaves her. 

“Where are you going?” She asks sleepily, reaching her hands out for Alex’s body. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, leaving Casey on the couch and heading to her bedroom. Casey sighs, still trying to wake herself. When she finally pulls her eyes open, she sits up, loneliness piercing her chest as she yearns for Alex’s body weight again.

She makes her way to Alex’s bedroom, knocking softly. “Alex?” She questions into the door. 

The door sways open, causing her to stumble. Alex stands, eyes sad and watchful of Casey’s expression. “I called George,” she states coldly. “He’s going to come help me for the weekend.” 

Casey narrows her gaze, “Oh.” 

A moment of silence. “I’m sorry, for last night. I-I’m gonna be okay,” she stutters out, “I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?” She asks, choking back the lump in her throat. She shushes the way her hands are willing her to grab Casey by the hips and pull her into her room. The way her arms crave Casey in their grasp. The way her mind begs for them to collapse into bed and sleep longer. 

Casey’s eyes darken and she bites her lip, sadness swarming her features. Alex’s heart aches at the sight. “Yeah, I’ll see you Monday.” They stare at each other for a moment, a deep ache loud between them. Casey finally steps away, sulking into the guest room and grabbing her things, changing out of Alex’s clothes. When she makes her way into the living room to grab the gift, she sees Toby and smiles. Alex watches from the hallway as Casey crouches down to pet him and kiss him on the head. It still shocks Alex, remembering how Toby tends to bite or claw any visitor to come through the home. Leaving for long periods of time was seldom an option. Casey stands, glancing over her shoulder at Alex and giving a fake smile, her dimples still making Alex grin. 

“I’ll see you later, Alex,” she assures her, opening the door and stepping out when Alex nods silently. 

[extasiswings]

You can all blame @thisissirius for this one because I was going to write some sweet fluff but instead...also on ao3 here.

“Diaz! I’m out of ammo!”

“ETA six minutes.”

“We don’t have six minutes.”

Bullets flying, the sound of gunfire popping in his ears—but then, no, he’s back on the transport, alarms blaring, falling, falling, falling out of the sky—

He’s trapped and it’s burning all around, hot, twisted, sharp metal—he scrambles over to the patient—

Hen. Burned and coated with ash, she coughs and tips her head as she looks at him.

“At least no one’s shooting at us, right Eddie?”

“Eddie?”

“Eddie.”

Eddie jerks awake, his head whipping around as his heart pounds, only to see Buck, close by with his hands raised, palms open as if he had been touching him and just pulled back. Eddie’s mouth is dry, and there’s a burn in the back of his throat like he might be sick, but he swallows hard to get himself under control as he takes in his surroundings.

They’re in the truck, he reminds himself, the surroundings familiar. He and Buck are alone, Hen up front driving—when Eddie looks at his watch, he realizes it’s only about halfway into her most recent driving shift and they still have at least another five hours before they get back to LA. Despite the darkness of the interior, Buck’s face—and specifically the concern written across it—is clear.

“It’s just me,” Buck says quietly. “Sorry, I—I wasn’t sure whether it was right to wake you up or not, but it didn’t seem like—you were sort of twitching? And you made this sound—”

“It’s okay,” Eddie assures. “It was—yeah. Um, thank you.”

His voice is raspy and there’s a cold sweat drying on his skin that makes him feel somehow dirtier and more uncomfortable than when he’d been in the field covered in soot. At home, or even at the station, he would get up in a situation like this. Would take a shower or work out until his hands stopped shaking. But he doesn’t have those options here, trapped in a moving vehicle. Is flayed open and exposed, a heady cocktail of fight-or-flight chemicals buzzing under his skin as the echoes of alarm bells and gunshots fade from his ears and his best friend looks at him like he’s a basket case—

No, that’s not fair. Buck’s looking at him the way he would look at any of them he was worried about, because Buck is a good person with a big heart. There’s no judgment in his eyes, just naked concern, and Eddie tries to remember that as he sets his elbows on his knees and drops his head into his hands, blowing out a shaky breath.

“Hey, Hen?” Buck calls, raising his voice. “Can we make a stop? I need to pee. Sorry, should have gone earlier.”

“You’re lucky I love you, Buckley,” she calls back. “And that we’re not totally in the middle of nowhere. There should be a rest stop at the next exit, I’ll turn off there.”

“Thanks.”

Eddie presses the heel of his hands to his eyes for a moment before dropping them, rolls his head on his neck to work out some of the tension in his muscles before finally looking back at Buck.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he says, despite the relief that floods him at the thought of escaping the confined space for even a few minutes, getting the chance to stretch his legs and breathe and maybe even splash some water on his face.

“Yes, I did,” Buck replies, his voice equally low. “Besides, you would have done it for me.”

“Sure, but I wouldn’t have needed to do it for you,” Eddie shoots back, frustration heavy on his tongue. “You can fall asleep on a road trip without worrying about—”

He cuts himself off and sighs. “Sorry. Sorry, I’m—fuck.”

“I’ve been fine,” he insists, because it feels important that he make Buck understand that. That he’s capable, that he has himself together.

He always needs to have himself together.

“I had a couple bad weeks after everything with the well last year, but I bounced back. It’s not—this doesn’t happen that often, I don’t know why—”

“Eddie, I don’t even know what this is,” Buck says. He reaches out—stops, hesitating before his hand makes contact with Eddie’s shoulder, his eyes flicking up to search Eddie’s before finally closing the rest of the distance. It’s instinct to flinch from the touch, but Eddie tamps down on the impulse, instead focusing on the weight and heat of Buck’s hand pressing down, grounding, anchoring.

“So you had a bad dream,” he continues, shrugging. “Everyone does. The other day I woke up panicked because I dreamt I was kidnapped by a supervillain who pulled all of my teeth out. It happens. Plus, I still—”

Buck looks down and swallows hard. “I still dream about the tsunami. Sometimes. And about being trapped under the truck. And it never matters how either of those things actually turned out because in the dreams—nightmares—I always lose. Christopher. My leg. Brains can be assholes. But it’s not—you had a bad dream. You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“Alright, boys, we’re here,” Hen calls as the truck rolls to a stop. “Try to make it quick? I’d like to at least try to make it back in time to sleep a few hours in my own bed before my afternoon class.”

“You’re the best, Hen,” Buck replies. Eddie pushes himself up and opens the door to climb out. Even just standing on solid ground helps—he sucks in several breaths of fresh air, letting each one out slowly. The stars are bright and clear against the ink-black sky, the rest stop far enough from any major cities or the wildfire that light pollution or smoke don’t dim their shine. Buck’s hand brushes against Eddie’s back as he climbs out of the truck as well, a gentle, casual thing that feels more like habit than a deliberate touch. A subtle, familiar ghost that whispers I’m here, behind, hello.

Eddie doesn’t feel the urge to flinch away from that touch.

When Buck starts off in the direction of the restrooms, Eddie pushes off the truck and follows.

“I got my silver star after my platoon’s medical transport helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan,” he admits a few minutes later, after he washes his hands and splashes water on his face for good measure. “We crashed, I got almost everyone out of the wreckage. We took heavy fire...I really thought I was gonna die that night. Wound up with three bullet wounds and a medal and a hell of a lot of guilt over the one guy who didn’t make it home.”

“And Hen was in a helicopter crash yesterday,” Buck fills in. “That you watched happen.”

Eddie sighs. “And Hen was in a helicopter crash yesterday, yeah,” he admits. “I didn’t think—we were doing search and rescue in a wildfire, it wasn’t a battlefield, we weren’t getting shot at, and she was fine. She is. Fine. And I’m fine. There’s no reason—”

He rakes a hand through his hair. “I’m fine,” he repeats.

Buck goes quiet for a moment, catching his lower lip between his teeth. And then he says—

“I’m in therapy.” His tongue sweeps out and wets his lips. “I’m fine, too. But I’m in therapy. Because I realized that I didn’t want to settle for fine. And also that I could be...more fine. Finer. Finest.”

“Do you think that’s something I should be ashamed of?” He asks.

“Of course not,” Eddie says, his stomach dropping at the very thought. “I would never think—no, Buck that’s great—if it’s helping, I’m happy for you.”

“Then why are you ashamed of yourself just because your fine isn’t perfect?”

“I—” Words catch in Eddie’s throat as he squirms at the logic. He doesn’t think because it’s me is a response that’s going to fly, but that’s all that comes to mind. And maybe that means Buck has a point.

Buck takes a step closer, closing the distance between them. His hand curves around the side of Eddie’s neck, thumb pressing ever so lightly under Eddie’s chin to tip his head up. The look in his eyes is soft and makes Eddie feel exposed in an entirely different way than he had in the truck. But he doesn’t think he dislikes the feeling.

“You went through hell and you survived,” Buck says quietly. “So you have a few scars. You never have to be ashamed of that. Especially not in front of me.”

Eddie shudders out a breath and leans in, closing his eyes as he drops his head to Buck’s shoulder. Buck adjusts to wrap his arms around him, holding tight, and they stand there embracing for a long moment as the remaining tension bleeds from Eddie’s shoulders.

“Why did I hear TK telling you he’s in a serious relationship before we left?” Eddie asks once he feels steady enough to pull away.

Buck’s cheeks go pink as he laughs. “Uh—well. I think he thought I was coming onto him?”

Eddie bites his cheek to keep from smiling. “Were you? I guess he’s okay...if that’s the kind of look you’re into.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “You know there was only one person there I wanted to flirt with.”

“Marjan?” Eddie offers, and the eyeroll becomes an exasperated stare.

“I agreed to glacially slow, not nonexistent,” Buck points out, stepping in and leaning in and—

Eddie’s fingers curl into the front of Buck’s shirt as Buck’s mouth ghosts over his, using to grip to pull him down into a proper kiss.

“If he had stuck around long enough for me to get over my surprise, I would have told him I was spoken for,” Buck adds, a little breathless when he steps back.

“Glacially slow or not?”

“Glacially slow or not.” Buck’s lips curve up as he laces their fingers. “I told you months ago I didn’t mind waiting. I’m in this. However long it takes.”

Eddie squeezes his hand.

“Thank you,” he says. And there are so many things that could be meant by that, he’s not even sure he can name them all. But Buck seems to get it anyway.

“Come on. Let’s go back.”

“Let’s go home,” Eddie adds. Their hands slide apart as they leave the restroom, but Eddie still feels Buck’s warmth sinking into his skin, like sunlight chasing away shadows. And as he climbs back into the truck, he thinks that maybe Buck’s right. Maybe he could be more than fine. Maybe admitting that isn’t a bad thing.

When he falls asleep again, he doesn’t dream.

[maldito-arbol]

Let’s talk about the GP zodiacs (Part 2)

HOLSY HSIT I LOVE THE GP KIDS SO MUCH AND THEIR SIGNS ARE SO INTERESTING

Thank u to puff-poff for shooting me with an ask about the gp kids, I think our brains just assimilated

One more note: I should’ve mentioned this in my last post but compatibility between signs doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships, it applies to any kind of relationship like friendships, family relations, etc. It’s just that when it comes to more platonic relationships, wholly incompatible signs are more likely to be able to work something out together. As an example, I’m a Gemini, and I’m about 300% certain I could never ever in my life date a Pisces, but I do have a few Pisces friends that I get along well enough with.

Okay same drill—sign, element, infodump, GO

Violet

Birthdate: June 12th

Sign: Gemini

Element: Air

Overview: SQUEALS GUYS ITS VIOLET MY BELOVED. WE’RE BOTH GEMINIS THEREFORE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. I’m kidding but no, Violet being a Gemini makes her 100x easier to project onto. So I mentioned before that Air signs are the least in tune with their emotions, are the thinkers before they act, are horribly indecisive, and these very much apply to Geminis as well. However, the most iconic trait of a Gemini is the ability to switch personalities at the drop of a hat whenever it services the group of people they’re in—what most people call the ‘two-faced’ part of Geminis. Hey, I promise you that being two-faced is actually a pretty cool and useful asset when in the hands of a decent human being. It means we get along well with a lot of different people, and if we don’t, we can act like we do as if it’s nothing. This asset, however, can turn into a curse of sorts in that a lot of us have...NO IDEA what our actual personality is. We reshape and remold ourselves and copy traits from other signs to fit in so much that we lose sight of who we are as an individual, and therefore we have a very hard time figuring out what we truly want. This is where the indecisiveness comes into play—ask a Gemini what they want for lunch and you’ll get a “what? Huh? Oh, you pick. I’m fine with whatever.” I know Geminis best because I am one, pls forgive me for rambling so much more about them than the other signssss.

Okay so first of all, let’s talk about Violet adapting to other characters to ‘fit in’. It’s not as obvious because Violet DOES seem to have one very fixed personality, but Violet prefers to speak through actions rather than words, so I would call her following Emma to help the children at GP a Gemini move. She could’ve simply dragged her to Lucas—she’s probably strong enough to do so, but instead she decided to go along with her. This isn’t to say there’s no pushback of course, as Air signs Geminis aren’t idiots, so they’ll often try to reason with others (particularly fire signs cough cough) to try to bring logic and critical thinking into the conversation. However, when that fails, they can still be counted on to support their friends even if they disagree. This is why Geminis and Leos are soulmates you heard it here, the stars said Violemma is the way. BUT ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW VIOLET’S THE ONE ADAM LISTENS TO DURING THE LEUVIS BATTLE. YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT BEING ABLE TO GET ALONG WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE, THERE YOU GO.

Anyway it’s also very much worth noting that while Violet can seem very harsh at times (bc Geminis will put you in your PLACE), bringing her logical kind of advice into conversations can be a very helpful comforter.

On another note this scene is so gay?

Compatibility and ships: hellooooooo Air sign Violet you are compatible with other Air signs (Aquarius, Libra, and Gemini) as well as Fire signs (Leo, Sagittarius, and Aries). Usually you’ll see Aquarius and Sagittarius as the most compatible with Geminis but I disagree with that because I have never met a Sagittarius I like so I’m still pointing fervently at Leos and the fact that Emma is a Leo. Listen. Violemma is the way. I am determined to convert all of you to Violemma if it’s the last thing I do. Geminis simply cannot help themselves around Leos they fall like a fucking anvil for that bright, golden-hearted dumbass energy. If there’s any Leos in the tpn fandom let me know I might just propose to you.

Oliver

Birthdate: October 25th

Sign: Scorpio

Element: Water

Overview: the first time I looked up Oliver’s birthday I went “Scorpio???? REALLY????” but then this is another case where the more I think about it, it does indeed make sense. If Leos are the natural leaders of the Fire signs, then Scorpios are the natural leaders of the Water signs. Where Cancers and Pisces will often lose themselves to their emotions, Scorpios have a very strong handle on them. I mentioned before that Water signs are at the highest emotional level, but Scorpios are a bit of an interesting case because you oftentimes won’t even notice that they’re very emotional people. They try to act like Air signs in that way, but their true colors are always there, waiting to be coaxed out.

For Oliver, you can clearly tell that his emotional bond with his friends and especially with Lucas is very high—but even so, he doesn’t let his emotions cloud his judgment or his ability to adapt to the situation at hand. Where earth signs are very fixed and difficult to move, water signs are always moving and changing to find solutions best suited for new circumstances. The best example I can give is the part where the music plays early, and despite internally panicking about it, Oliver is the one who naturally steps up to calm everyone down.

Scorpios are great at handling others’ emotions as well as their own, which makes them marvelously empathetic leaders. We stan.

Compatibility and ships: as a Water sign, Oliver is compatible with other Water signs (Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio) as well as Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn) so speaking broadly that makes him compatible with Pepe (a Pisces) and Zack (a Cancer) but narrowing it down, Scorpios are usually best with Tauruses and Cancers. Idk if I’m the only one who ships Oliver with Pepe but I know there’s a few people who ship him with Zack—so congrats to you guys, you won the stars’ approval.

Lucas

Birthdate: November 28th

Sign: Sagittarius

Element: Fire

Overview: yall,,,, when I found out Lucas was a Saggy Titty I legitimately guffawed out loud. Lucas and Sagittarius is so funny.... because it’s so wrong. Saggy Titties are the definition of chaos, they’re brazen, impulsive, and constantly changing. Like think of a frat boy in a house full of beer and pool tables and hot girls and you get Sagittarius. This is why I have never met a Sagittarius I like—because they have frat boy energy, and even non-male Sagittariuses require wayyy too much energy for me to handle. I guess the only time Lucas really does act like a Sagittarius is in his childhood with Yuugo, and the way he’s a lot bolder and outgoing versus the quieter older Lucas we have now.

It is important to note that Lucas has been through a lot of trauma and lost a lot of comrades which could very well change the a person’s entire outlook and turn their personality 180 degrees—that could be a large factor, although on the flip side, Yuugo still fits his Capricorn sign even after going through what he’s been through. Different events affect different people differently. Lucas was most likely knocked entirely off his Sagittarius high-horse very quickly when he arrived in Goldy Pond. But if I had no prior knowledge of who he was beforehand, I very well might’ve pegged him a Leo like Emma or even another subtle Aries like Norman. So yes, he does indeed have fire energy, it’s just generally very lackluster and farrrr away from Sagittarius’ level.

Compatibility and ships: okay so I know the only Lucas ship with any weight to it in this fandom is Yuucas, and here’s the thing,,, A Sagittarius and Capricorn combo is the most horrifying fucking couple imaginable and I’m stan so hard. Realistically speaking, your Capricorns would try to put a leash on their Sagittariuses because man. I forgot to mention how childish Sagittariuses can be (though the frat boy comparison should’ve been a clue), and holy shit that poor Capricorn is gonna get ripped to shreds by their Sagittarius. Imagine like a super pompous cowboy trying to ride a furious bull that’s trying to buck him off like there’s no tomorrow. Capricorns are people who want complete control over themselves and their partners, while Sagittariuses,, Saggy Titties just want to see the world burn. Put them together and you could probably cause the End Times Apocalypse. But you know what? Good for them. I think Yuugo and Lucas love each other enough that the toxicity that comes with typical pairups with these two signs is about nonexistent between them. But I fully believe they could still destroy an entire planet and that’s valid of them to do so. Anyway moving on!

you wanna talk about another Sagittarius that makes absolutely no sense?

Paula

Birthdate: December 9th

Sign: Sagittarius

Element: Fire

Overview: My authors I am begging you, stop putting character birthdays in the Sagittarius zone you clearly don’t know what a Sagittarius is.

Since I refuse to acknowledge Paula as a Sagittarius, let’s talk about what sign she actually acts like because I said so. Paula’s a Virgo. Fight me Shirai. (Also im sus that shirai is virgophobic because where the fuck are my virgos. There’s like zero major characters that are virgos, and the characters that ARE don’t even act like virgos. I’m coming for your small intestine Shirai) so as earth signs, virgos are generally pretty resourceful and of course level-headed. They’re kinda shy and reserved, but they’re also very hard workers you can count on when you need to get a job done. Nary will you find a Virgo that procrastinates or attempts to weasel their way out of a mission they’ve been given. The unmovable earth in virgos shows through in how committed they are, and we can see all these traits in Paula. Though she’s a quieter member of the GP resistance, you can tell just how much of an asset she is to them. She doesn’t run, doesn’t lose her cool, and she’s good at pointing out important details.

Pls let me decide your characters’ birthdays for you Shirai I promise I am good at it.

Compatibility and ships: I guess, astrologically speaking, as a Sagittarius, Paula does fit pretty well with Sonya because she’s a Gemini. I actually know next to nothing about Paula ships but I do know she’s lesbian and her and Sonya are cute but I also ship her with Barbara because reasons don’t ask questions I WILL bite you anyway they’re compatible too because barb’s also a Gemini.

Lot of Geminis, don’t you think? Yes I do. Let’s talk about them.

Sonya and Sandy

Birthdates: June 3rd and May 22nd respectively

Signs: Gemini

Element: Air

Overview: these two are what I call the gemini twins bECAUSE THEYRE ALWAYS HANGING OUT AND ITS SO TRUE GEMINIS LOVE EACH OTHER BUT ALSO ITS SO WEIRD THAT WE GET ALONG. imagine like two of those one way mirrors facing each other where it just goes on and on and on for infinite mirror and that’s what two Geminis hanging out is like. Look, they’re literally thinking the same thing and it’s so great

Anyway there isn’t a whole lot of Sandy and Sonya content to go off of in the first place, but them being Geminis seems reasonable to me—at the very least they are indeed meant to get along well and they’re so in sync I could cry. Plus they’re pretty intuitive and able to think right on the spot as they’re facing Nous and Nouma (at least at first) My man Shirai also.. really likes Geminis for some reason because they keep popping up. So instead of one Spider-Man meme it looks more like this,

Compatibility and ships: not gonna dwell too long on this section because from previous ones you may already recall they’re compatible with each other and I guess with Paula as well as I must begrudgingly accept the fact that shes canonically a Sagittarius.

Pepe

Birthdate: February 19th

Sign: Pisces

Element: Water

Overview: so I mentioned before that water signs are at about the highest emotion level, which makes Pisces a very sensitive group like Cancers. But Pisces in general are known for being the kindest and most accepting people as well, which means they’re able to make a lot of friends very easily. They’re basically that one person you sat next to in class who started a conversation with you just to be nice. Now again, there’s not a whole lot of Pepe content to go off of, but we can tell he’s kind and loving to his friends and the other kids in GP. One thing I can mention is that Pisces usually are the one of the nosiest of the signs, and they get very bothered by lies and secrets (this is true for a lot of water signs, but Pisces are the worst in my experience) so we got this single piece that may have a little bit of the Pisces in Pepe showing:

Compatibility and ships: So as a Pisces, Pepe is only compatible with Oliver and Zack considering they’re also water signs. Everyone else is Fire and Air, funnily enough, but the Pepe ships with those two are super cute I think so it’s ok.

Zack

Birthdate: July 7th

Sign: Cancer

Element: Water

Overview: so do I think Zack fits his sign? Yes, in a way I do. I already went into Cancers when I explained Don, so quick recap: Cancers are some of the most sensitive and empathetic, so their loyalty to their loved ones is pretty close to on-par with an Aries. And while Zack isn’t as outwardly emotional as someone like Don, the Cancer in him shows up well in that he’s constantly taking extremely difficult missions he doesn’t want his friends to risk, and he shrugs off any injury to himself.

This might just be a me thing but almost every Cancer I’ve met has a habit of doing That. I am so concerned for their safety. I guess though, if I hadn’t known his sign beforehand, I 100% would’ve pegged him an Aries.

Compatibility and ships: I already went over this with Pepe, but Zack is compatible with Pepe and Oliver. Y’all ok listen to me. OT3. Make it happen. Between them they have every sign in the element of water. They’d be unstoppable.

Gillian

Birthdate: September 30th

Sign: Libra

Element: Air

Overview: here’s a fun one. So as I previously stated, air signs are usually out of tune with their emotions, but where that causes Aquariuses and Geminis to repress or hide them, Libras,,,, just dump them everywhere. Listen I know Libras are supposed to be the sign of the balance scales and they have a thing about the world being perfectly balanced which makes them more prone to revenge bUT ALSO. MY first and foremost takeaway from Libras is that they all suffer from Rich Bitch syndrome, in which they obsess over material items and every Libra has a thing about cute girly stuff change my mind. HOWEVER, they’re often very chaotic as well, the kinda Sagittarius of the Air signs. So like a super cute and seemingly fun girl who will probably murder you in your sleep.



I’m sorry I can’t take it I’ve been laughing at this for the past fifteen minutes it’s too funny. Anyway, Gillian’s Rich Bitch Syndrome appears through her fashion statement. Her PINS. omg. Gillian your Libra is showing.

Compatibility and ships: as a Libra Gillian is compatible with other Air signs (Aquarius, Gemini, Libra) as well as Fire signs (Aries, Sagittarius, Leo) but she’s most compatible with Aries and Sagittarius so—— Paula yes, but also Nigel because he’s an Aries! Speaking of Nigel,

Nigel

Birthdate: March 27th

Sign: Aries

Element: Fire

Overview: Aries Nigel doesn’t come as a surprise, let’s be real here. I delved into Aries before with Norman, so just as a recap: Aries are so intensely loyal to the ones they love and would do absolutely anything for them even at the cost of their lives, and this can make them prone to outbursts of anger and/or impulsivity. Here’s your one image of Aries Nigel, I don’t even have to explain:

Compatibility and ships: so I already said this but Nigel is at his most compatible with Gillian. Are there other Nigel ships?? Pls let me know I’m very curious.

Aw, it’s over now :(

I loved talking about the GP kids they fill the void in my heart. Now to move onto talking about the demons because the silliest idiot requested it and I am beyond ecstatic to spout pure headcanon bullshit. If you’re feelin excited then feel free to keep sending characters my way I will be happy to ramble about their canon zodiac or my headcanon for their zodiac

Edit: i forgot to link part 1 to anyone who wants it and doesn’t want to stalk my profile to find it

[thelastspeecher]

A Kiss From a Nixie

Here’s a follow-up to the ficlet I posted the other day, where, in a Mystery Trio-style AU, Stan meets a frog-lady and falls in love with her.  In this ficlet, we learn about the origins of Stan’s frog-lady, as well as the proper term for her species.  I’m very happy about this scenario and have been enjoying it a lot.  Hopefully, y’all enjoy it, too~

——————————————————————————————

              Stan and Angie stared silently at each other. Angie suddenly turned beet red.

              “Stanley.  I’m naked,” she whispered.  Stan felt himself flush at the reminder.  He spun around so that she could get dressed without him watching.  “Thank you.”

              “What- how-” Stan stammered, still with his back to Angie.  He took a deep breath.  “First question.  Is Fiddlenerd a frog too?”

              “No.  He’s not.”

              “Did the frog gene skip him?”

              “I wasn’t born like this.  It happened while I was at college.”  A million more questions immediately formed on Stan’s tongue. “You can turn ‘round again.”  Stan turned.  Angie was now wearing a flannel top and some jeans.  She pulled on a pair of boots.  “And no, Fidds don’t know.  Actually…”  There was a beat.  She looked up at Stan.  “Yer the first person to know.”

              “Wait.  Really?” Stan asked.  Angie nodded. “Geez.”  He stuffed his hands into his pockets.  “I…I wasn’t expecting that.  I mean, you and Fiddlenerd are annoyingly close.”

              “You’ve known Fidds fer a lil while.  How do ya think he would react to findin’ out his precious baby sister is sometimes a frog?” Angie asked dryly.  Stan winced, already imagining the freakout.  “That’s why.”

              “Fair enough.  How’d you turn into a…I dunno, merfrog?”  Angie snorted.

              “Merfrog.  I like it.”

              “I don’t know the real word for…”  Stan gestured vaguely at Angie.  “…whatever you are.”

              “I don’t know it, either.  The person what turned me didn’t exactly share that information.”

              “Who turned you?”

              “A full-time frog person what lived in the pond just off campus.”  Angie scowled.  “They befriended me, then offered to kiss me.  That kiss was what did me in.”

              “Why’d you agree to kiss a frog person?” Stan asked. Angie turned pink.

              “I sometimes have poor impulse control,” she said quietly.

              “Been there.”  Stan frowned.  “Hang on. A kiss from a frog person turned you into one?”  Angie nodded. “I feel like it’s supposed to go the other way around.  At least, according to fairy tales.”

              “Well, I know the kiss was what did it, ‘cause immediately I started changin’, and the frog person told me that they were excited fer me to live with ‘em.”  Angie sighed heavily.  “I’ve been a frog ever since.”

              “But you can turn human.”

              “Yessir.”

              “Huh.”  Stan looked at Angie thoughtfully.  “Y’know, Ford would have a field day with this.”

              “Oh, hell no.  I ain’t tellin’ yer weird brother.  No offense.”

              “None taken.”  Stan walked over to Angie.  “You got somethin’.”  He pulled a clump of mud out of her hair.  Angie turned bright red again.  “Want me to give you a ride back to the house?”

              “That would be great.  Thank you.”

              “No problem.”  Stan headed back towards the Stanleymobile, Angie close behind.  “Why didn’t you tell me who you were?”

              “I wasn’t expectin’ to be here very long. Certainly not long enough that I would have a reason to tell someone my secret.  But, I don’t know, somethin’ ‘bout Gravity Falls makes me feel pretty content.”  Stan glanced back.  Angie was looking around, admiring the surrounding trees.  “I might want to move up here, to be honest.  I can do my research or even help Stanford with his. He was tellin’ me the other day that he wants to hire a biologist.”

              “Gravity Falls is nicer than I expected,” Stan agreed. He cleared his throat.  “Do you have to go to the pond every day or something?”

              “Geez, yer full of questions, ain’t ya?”

              “The frog-lady I’ve been chatting up for the last two weeks just turned into my brother’s partner’s little sister,” Stan said dryly.  “Duh.” Angie chuckled softly.

              “Fair enough.”  They emerged from the trees and made a beeline for the Stanleymobile.  “I have to shift into my frog form and submerge myself in water fer at least an hour every day.  Ideally, I spend more time like that.  That’s just the bare minimum to keep myself healthy.”

              “Did the frog person who turned you tell you that?”

              “Nope.  Figured it out through trial and error.  Since I got to Gravity Falls, I’ve been sneakin’ out of the house after everyone’s asleep and goin’ to the lake to sleep in there.”  They came up to the car.  Stan pulled out his key to unlock it.  Angie got into the passenger seat, beaming.  “I even made myself a nice little hole in the mud to sleep in.”

              “You’re not worried about Fiddlenerd wondering where you are?” Stan asked, getting into the driver’s seat.  Angie shook her head.

              “I’m a deep sleeper with a specific sleep schedule. Fidds knows better ‘n to mess with that.”

              “Makes sense.”  Stan started the car.  “So, you-” Angie sighed loudly.

              “Look, I understand that ya have a lot of questions. I’ll answer all of ‘em at some point, but right now, I can only answer one more.”

              “Fair.”  Stan pulled out of the parking lot.  He frowned thoughtfully.  “Okay. I know what I wanna ask.”

              “Hit me.”

              “Did you eat my bait?” Stan asked.  Angie looked away hurriedly, though Stan could see a flush spreading across her features, down to her neck.  “When I opened my tacklebox after you returned it, the fresh bait was gone.”  He held up a hand.  “I’m not judging you for eating worms.  You’re part frog.  But I just wanna know if you ate them.”  Angie stayed silent.  “Come on, you said you’d answer my question.”  After a long pause, she finally replied.

              “No comment.”

-----

              Angie giggled at Stan’s joke.  He grinned proudly, warmth spreading across his cheeks. After spending the day moving Angie into her new house in Gravity Falls, he was happy to have quality time with his sort-of frog sort-of girlfriend.  They were at the lake so that Angie could be in her frog form, though Fiddlenerd and Ford thought they were still at Angie’s house.

              “Still can’t believe Stanford actually supported leaving us alone together,” Angie remarked.  To Stan’s amusement, it wasn’t just the tone of her voice that changed in her frog form.  Her thick southern accent was also nearly nonexistent.  At first, he thought it was because she was disguising herself.  But even after coming clean about who she was, she didn’t have an accent in frog form.

              “Ford thinks that I’m more responsible and take better care of myself when I’m dating someone,” Stan said with a shrug.  “I’m not surprised he’s encouraging me to ‘woo’ you.”  Angie giggled again, a sound like a babbling brook.  Stan dug around in the bag of snacks they’d picked up at the gas station on the way over.  “Hungry?”

              “Yes,” Angie said eagerly.  Stan pulled out the container of live bait and set it on the wood of the dock.  He lifted the lid.  Angie reached out a webbed, frog-like hand and daintily grabbed one of the wriggling worms.  Stan opened his bag of chips, smiling fondly at her.

              A few days ago, Angie had finally confessed that, since becoming a merfrog, she had developed a taste for bugs and worms. Stan had already known, but he appreciated that Angie trusted him enough to tell him.  After all, she was visibly embarrassed by her cravings for creepy-crawlies.

              It’s probably ‘cause she was raised to be a proper southern lady or whatever.  Angie popped a worm into her mouth.  Good thing I don’t care about that.

              “Stanley?”  Stan looked over his shoulder.  Ford was walking down the dock towards him.  Angie gasped softly.  There was a splash.  Without looking, Stan knew she had gone underwater before Ford could see her up close. “What are you doing here, talking to a nixie?  I thought you were helping Angie settle in.”

              “Nixie?”

              “Yes.”  Ford sat next to Stan.  “That was the creature you were speaking with.”  His eyes widened.  “Is she the frog-lady you were talking about a few months ago?”

              “Duh.”

              “I would have believed you if you told me she was a nixie!”

              “Wh-”  Stan scoffed. “Do I look like someone who knows what a nixie is?”

              “Did she not tell you?”

              “It’s racist to ask someone what they are, Sixer,” Stan said flatly.  Ford let out a soft laugh.  “Angie sent me out to grab some snacks, so I figured I stop by the lake to talk to Rana while I was out.”

              “Her name is Rana?” Ford asked.  Stan nodded.  “Fascinating.”  He stared at the spot where Angie had been.  “Would you be willing to tell me more about her?”

              “Nope.”  Stan stood up.  “You didn’t believe me when I first asked you, and now I’ve learned that she’s an actual person, not some weird ‘anomaly’ for you to study.”  He pulled his car keys out of his pocket.  “And Angie’s probably waiting for me at her place, so I better get going.”

              “You’re forgetting something,” Ford said, pointing at the bait still sitting on the dock.  A webbed hand quickly grabbed the bait and brought it underwater.  Ford’s jaw dropped.  “Remarkable.”

-----

              It was yet another peaceful, misty morning at Lake Gravity Falls.  Stan sighed.

              “Enjoying the quiet?” Angie asked from her spot in the lake.  Stan nodded. “Have the Fords been especially loud lately or something?”

              “The Fords?”

              “It’s shorter than saying their full names,” Angie said.  Stan snorted in amusement.

              “Nah, they’ve actually been quieter than usual. I don’t trust it.  They’re up to something.”  Angie snickered.  “Have you finished the research Ford wanted you to do?”

              “Oh, yeah.”  Angie floated on her back, staring up at the dusty blue sky.  “I finished it real quick.  It’s pretty easy to get information from magical creatures when you’re one of ‘em.”

              “Maybe you should give Ford a big smooch.  Turn him into a frog.  He’ll finish his research in record time,” Stan joked. The only response was a soft splash. Stan looked over.  “Ang?”  Angie was gone.  “Something wrong?”  Nothing happened.  Stan sighed.  “What did I say?”  Angie slowly surfaced.

              “I…”  She took a shuddering breath.  “I love you.” Stan’s heart stopped.  “But I-”  Angie covered her face with her large, webbed hands.  “I can’t- I can’t act on any of my feelings.”  Stan scooted closer, his legs dangling over the edge of the pier.

              “What do you mean?” he asked quietly.  Angie let out a sob.

              “I want to kiss you more than- more than anything. But if I do, then you’ll- you’ll be like me.  And I don’t want to turn you into a- into a frog!” she wailed.

              “Hey.”  Stan took one of Angie’s hands.  She looked up at him.  “That’s my decision to make, okay?  If I wanna risk turning into a frog so that I can kiss you, I’ll do that.”

              “R-really?” Angie asked in a tremulous voice.

              “Remember how you said you kissed that nixie ‘cause you had poor impulse control?”  Angie nodded. Stan grinned.  “You’re not the only one.”  He pulled Angie close.  Just as his lips met Angie’s, there was a loud shout.

              “Wait!”

-----

              Further attempts to pry information out of Stan about the nixie he’d befriended had failed.  So, Ford had to resort to collecting his own data.  This translated into watching from afar as, every day at dawn, Stan sat on the dock and spoke with the nixie.  Fortunately, Ford was skilled enough at camouflage by now that he wasn’t seen.  Unfortunately, he was unable to get close without risking being spotted.

              That morning, he wasn’t alone at the lake.  He had dragged Fiddleford out of bed to come see the nixie for himself.  Fiddleford wasn’t pleased.

              “Stanford, yer lucky I ain’t the kind of sleeper my sister is,” Fiddleford groused as they hid in the bushes, watching Stan talk to the nixie.  “Last time someone woke her up ‘fore she was ready, they got a broken nose fer their trouble.”

              “Yes, yes, I’m very lucky,” Ford said.  “Now, please, be quiet.  It looks like they’re talking about something serious.”

              “You won’t hear any of it, no matter how quiet I get.  We’re too far away,” Fiddleford pointed out.  Ford ignored the logical argument, focusing intently upon the conversation at the dock.  The nixie seemed emotionally distraught over something.  Stan leaned in, visibly affected by her distress.  He grabbed her hand and pulled her close.  Then, to Ford’s horror, Stan kissed the nixie.

              “Wait!” Ford shouted, bursting out of the bushes. Stan and the nixie jumped.  Ford sprinted over to his brother and the magical creature, his heart pounding in his chest, his mind racing.

              No.  No. This isn’t good.  Ford hadn’t had the chance to study a nixie properly yet, but he had read enough about them and other water sprites to know that even touching one could have serious consequences.  Stanley, you idiot!  Aren’t you dating Angie, anyways?  I didn’t think you were the kind of person to cheat!  Still frozen in shock, the nixie and Stan hadn’t moved by the time Ford arrived.

              “Stanley, what was that about?” Ford demanded. “You shouldn’t just kiss random magical creatures!”

              “She’s not random,” Stan said.  His articulation was sloppier than usual, almost like he was slurring a bit.  The nixie looked at him with sudden concern.  “I know her.”

              “Yes, but-”  Ford ran his hands through his hair.  “Kissing a nixie can have unforeseen side effects!”

              “I know!”  Stan’s speech was definitely slurred.  He gestured drunkenly to the nixie.  “That’s how she got stuck in this situation!”  Ford looked at the nixie.  His fingers itched for a pen and paper.  Up close, she was just as eerily beautiful as she’d seemed from a distance. Her green, mottled skin glistened from lake water.  Large, webbed ears poked out from her short, black hair.  But most distinctive were her kind eyes, a soft shade of blue that Ford immediately recognized.  He saw those eyes every time he looked at Fiddleford.

              Everything clicked into place.

              I was right. Stan would never cheat on Angie, even for a magical creature.

              “Angie?” Ford croaked.  Angie, for he was certain that the nixie was Angie, ignored him. She pulled herself onto the pier, revealing the same hourglass shape she had as a human, but lacking any mammalian features.

              That makes me feel much more comfortable with the fact she’s unclothed.  

              “Stanley, are you all right?” she asked.  Stan grinned at her.  His eyes were unfocused.

              “Yeah, babe.”  He leaned closer to her.  “I liked that kiss.  Go ahead and give me another one, okay?”

              “Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

              “What?”  Stan seemed blindsided.  “Why not?”

              “You’re acting either stoned or plastered and I’m not sure which one,” Angie said.  Ford’s eyes widened.

              “Your accent is gone!”

              “I- yes- it- I don’t know why, maybe it’s ‘cause when I first turned frog, I was hiding my accent a lot.  But that’s not important right now!” Angie snapped. “Something happened to Stan!”

              “Well, you kissed him while in nixie form,” Ford pointed out.  “If you’d kissed him in human form, I doubt there would have been any reaction at all.” Angie stared at him.  “I’ve never heard of a nixie being able to switch between their native form and a human one.”

              “I- my native form is human, you dingus! I wasn’t always part frog!”

              “Fascinating,” Ford breathed.  Angie groaned loudly.  She took Stan’s hand.

              “Stanley, sit down for me, okay?” she said.  Stan sat down heavily.  He grinned at her.  “Oof.  Uh. Your eyes are dilated something fierce, darling.”

              “You’re fierce,” Stan slurred.  He winked.  Angie grimaced.  Footsteps sounded on the deck.  “Ang, you’re the prettiest frog in the world.”  The footsteps stopped.

              “Angie?!” Fiddleford shrieked.  Angie immediately dove into the lake, disappearing into the depths.  Stan leaned over the edge of the pier.

              “Come back, Angie!” he called.

              “I have to agree,” Fiddleford said, quickly catching up to Stan and Ford.  “Banjolina Quinn McGucket, get back here!”

              “Heh.”  Stan giggled. “Banjo.”  He leaned further.  “Banjo!” He fell forward.  Before Ford or Fiddleford could grab him, a webbed hand shot out of the water to nudge him back onto the pier.  Angie emerged from the lake.  Fiddleford fell to his knees.

              “Oh, Lord,” he breathed.  “I’d recognize that face anywhere.  Angie, what happened?  How did you become this?”

              “I…”  Angie swallowed.  “Stan can tell you.”  Stan leaned over the edge of the pier again.

              “I heard my name,” he purred.  Angie surfaced further until she and Stan were face-to-face.  She stroked his cheek.  “Hey, gorgeous.”

              “I’m- I’m sorry I did this to you.  Rest up.”  She looked at Fiddleford.  “Take care of him.”

              “Angie, you can’t just leave without explainin’ anything!” Fiddleford protested.  Angie closed her eyes.

              “I need- I need a minute.”  She sunk underwater.

              “Angie, no!” Stan cried out.  Ford and Fiddleford grabbed him before he could jump into the lake. “No!”  Stan slumped back and began to sob.  “She’s gone.  Forever.”

              “Stanley, once she’s had some time to collect herself, she’ll be back,” Ford said calmly.  “Now, we should probably find some sort of antitoxin to counteract that kiss.”  He pulled Stan to his feet.  Stan immediately leaned against him.  “Fiddleford, a little help?”  Fiddleford was still staring at the lake.  “Fiddleford?”

              “Oh, yes.”  Fiddleford came over.  He looped one of Stan’s arms over his shoulders.  “Don’t worry, Stan, Ford’s right.  Angie will be back.”  He scowled. “If I have to drain this whole godforsaken lake to find her.”

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 60

I spent the entire next day sleeping, only waking up for Grandma Kim to give me more vitamin boosters and to use the bathroom. Now that I had permission to be tired, it was all I could feel, and the exhaustion pressed down on me with such magnitude that just fighting it long enough to drink sludge took away what little energy reserves I had recovered.

The trip to a medical bay was completely inevitable.

True to her word, Xiomara accompanied me to have tests run on herself. However, the trip was different from what we had imagined: I had to be carried to the transport, and I caught a glint of concern in her eyes every time she glanced down at me.  I couldn’t exactly fault her… what if what I had was contagious?  It seemed doubtful, given all the medical scans that I had been through, but we had entered strange new worlds recently and who knew what exotic bugs we could encounter?

I was vaguely aware of arriving at the medical bay, and could hear my family murmuring around me as I was carried to a bed. “Wisdom, we will need to do more intensive scans on you. To make sure the results are as clear as possible, a temporary spinal block will keep you immobile from the neck down. Involuntary functions of your body will continue, but all musculoskeletal movement will be prevented.  Please confirm you understand.”

“Don’ moof. Godded.”

The sensation of both my hands being held vanished suddenly, but I could still feel one hand stroking my hair. Tyche’s voice drifted to my ears, “I know you’re worried, but you have to let them scan her.” The hand on my brow fell away, too.

“Hemoglobin is nearly nonexistent,” Noah buzzed softly. “but erythropoietin is far outside normal human levels.”

“What’s her blood oxygen level?” That sounded like Antoine.

“Negligible, though that is contradicted by pulmonary function.”

“Her respiratory rate looks like she is running a marathon, Noah.  She has been on bed rest for nearly sixty hours now, with a significant portion of that under sedation, so her breathing should be much slower than this.”

“Hey, maybe you idiots are scaring her?” Tyche snapped quietly. “If she’s awake, I guarantee she understand what you are saying.

“I would agree, were it not for the fact that these results are unchanged from before we spoke.  She came in here in this condition – small wonder she is exhausted.  Essentially her body thinks she is suffocating.”

Being immobilized was making it hard to concentrate, as I started slipping in and out of consciousness. Words like “transfusion” and “lodgings” were jumbled with a fog of sleep. The thread of panic that tried to stitch itself into my mind was unable to find purchase. I was just so tired. Eventually, I succumbed to the need for unconsciousness, falling further and further into it.

I landed face-first in the corridor outside my quarters. Despite the method of my arrival, I felt no pain. A dream, I realized.  Pushing myself up off the deck, I took inventory of myself.  My hands were shaking and paler than usual, but they were definitely my hands.  Patting my face, it felt normal.  I sucked in a breath of air in relief, and realized I had half-expected for this dream to pick up where the last one left off.  Satisfied, I glanced around the corridor and nearly screamed.

For lack of a better term, it was rotting.

The smooth curves of the wall were pitted and warped. Pieces the size of my hand had broken free and fallen to the floor.  A metallic groan filled my ears as a tremor vibrated through my feet.  Quickly, I trotted down the corridor, taking in the damage I saw.  The deck was cold and stung beneath my feet. Rubble trailed the bottom of every wall I saw. Here and there, lights were dimmed or completely dead. It was in one of these unlit areas that I tripped on a chunk of wall – or ceiling – that was in the middle of the corridor.  Once again, I fell forward to the deck.

This time, I was sputtering when I lifted my head.  My clothes were soaked on the front, chilling me straight to my skin.  The deck was covered in water.

I rose unsteadily to my feet, shivering. The environmental controls had to be malfunctioning, as well. Rubbing my arms briskly, I careful made my way forward, feeling with my toes for anything else that I could hurt myself on.  Eventually, I made my way to a light, shivering harder with every step. The moaning sounds grew louder and louder, filling my ears and pounding into my head. Now, though, it no longer sounded like the complaints of stressed and bending metal, but resolved into voices.

A thousand voices screamed in my head, every one of them with the same, discordant plea.

Help us Help us Help us helphelphelphelp

“Who are you!?” I begged.

ELSE they all cried in unison, staggering me to my knees.

“What do you want?” The question came on the gasp of a sob.

Freelivefreeletliveususususus

“I don’t know how to set you free!” I cried. “I’m asleep! I’m sick, and right now I’m not even sure I will live.”

UsElseUsElseUsElse Us Else sick need free need FREE

“You want to live? Well, I do too, and this isn’t helping. Find someone else to help you!”

EveryoneEveryoneEveryone

“Everyone? Wait – “ Absurdly, I held up a hand as though that would prevent an answer. “Pick one voice.  Please. Maybe if I can help you understand, you’ll let me wake up.” My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was bruising my chest. I needed to calm down, and soon. “Now, what do you mean by ‘everyone’?”

Everyone help Else the voice from my previous nightmare provided before leaving a ringing silence.

“Everyone is helping, or you need everyone to help you?”

Everyone was all it repeated.

“Yeah, because that certainly clarifies the matter,” I grumbled. This nightmare of the dream variety was quickly becoming one of the headache variety. Wait. Nightmare. “Else, are you causing the nightmares?”

Speak everyone. Everyone help Else.

If this dream played by the rules of the other one, the more I spoke with the entity, the better it would communicate. “You are, or are going to, speak to everyone on the Ark and ask for help.  Because you want to live and be free.  And you need us to help you do that. Yes or no?”

Yes

“And you do that by giving us nightmares.  I was in the corridor of the Ark last time. This time I was in a different, more familiar one, but everything has changed. The ship is falling apart, like it is dying.  And there is water on the floor, darkness, and cold. Why is that?”

Else is from darkness and cold.

“Like from space? It’s the darkest, coldest thing I can think of. Did you come from one of the moons we mined?”

No moons. Water. Water and darkness and cold.

“Okay. We’ll come back to that. So you come from water and darkness and cold, and you are destroying the ship to make it like that here?”

No destroy. Live and be free.

I gestured at the scene around me. “This is destruction, Else.  The ship is falling apart.”

In the nightmares.

“Will this really happen?”

No really destroy. Okay, cool. Disembodied voice doesn’t plan to actually destroy the ship.

“So why does it look like this in the nightmares?”

Sick.

“You’re sick, or the Ark is sick?” Could ships even get sick?

You are sick. Look like this.

“The Ark looks like this because I am sick?” I forced between chattering teeth. “Is that why it is so cold, too?”

Yes.

A feeling of dread came over me. “Else, am I dying?”

Not yet.

I dropped to the wet floor, wrapping my arms around my knees. “That doesn’t sound very reassuring, you know.”

Know. In you. You live.

“Wait. You know I’m not dying yet because you’re in me!?” I shrieked.  A full body impulse to attack sang through my veins, but there was no way to attack a voice.

You are Ark. Else is you.

“That makes no sense, you asshole!” Just as I would have continued railing against it, I felt something hit me in the chest hard enough to drive my breath away.  Stupidly, I looked down at myself, feeling for whatever would have done it. Nothing.  But it still hit me again, knocking me to my back and blacking my vision. I tried to draw breath to scream, but before I could, I was hit a third time.

When I opened my eyes, the air was warm enough to sting my lungs as I was finally able to inhale. Tyche grabbed both sides of my face with burning hot hands, but I welcomed the warmth. “Stop dying on me,” she scolded through tears.

“Nod dead,” I slurred.

“Thank fuck,” she dropped her head on my shoulder. “You guys are going to have to work around me, I have first rights to her.”

I wanted to chuckle, but couldn’t find the energy. Conor and Maverick took up my other side, each having their turn to kiss my forehead and make sure I was still alive. “Wha habben?”

“We transfused you to address your blood oxygen levels. As soon as your body started getting enough oxygen, your cardiac muscle attempted to slow down.  Instead, it stopped altogether.” Noah ran a scanner over what parts of me weren’t covered by my family-shaped blanket. “We had to apply electrostimulation to restart your cardiac muscle, and I understand it may cause you to feel sore for quite some time. I am going to request that you remain here of your own volition so that I do not need to restrain you while we determine what is causing all of this.”

“Bud you gafe me blood. I’m kay now.”

“The transfusion is only a temporary solution, no matter how drastic it was. Until we find why these symptoms occurred in the first place, you will continue to fall ill.”

“Which means, dote, that you are staying here for the duration,” Conor insisted gently.

“erelsswha?” I challenged weakly.

“Or else – “ he started before I jerked and grabbed his arm with a death grip.

Else. “Scan fer bagderea,” I tried to demand.

“Bacteria?” Antoine looked up from the back of Tyche’s head. “Bacteria would not cause this.”

I half-heartedly flapped a hand at him. “Bagderea, fyris, subding. Iss elss. Iss immee. Tocks do me.”  My mouth was still not cooperating, and I wanted to scream in frustration when everyone looked at each other, trying to puzzle out what I just said. As slowly and carefully as I could, I tried again. “Thhair. Iss. Summting. A-life. In me. Called. Else.” I took a deep breath as everyone’s faces whipped back to mine with astonishment. “Id. Tocks. To. Me. When. Ah. Ssleeb.”

“It talks to you??” Antoine asked, uncertainly.

“To. Everyone. Nide-mares are Else.” Hey, I was getting better at this!

Maverick sat up abruptly, vibrating the way he did when he had an idea. “Miys. When you do medical tests, do you compare them to known Terran physiology, baseline of the patient, or an aggregate of the humans on board?”

“It depends on the circumstance. For cellular organisms, I compare to an aggregate of the Terrans on the Ark along with all known Terran or Galactic diseases.”

“I want you to scan Sophia and compare to known Terran physiology.  Isolate any microorganisms that are not known to exist in Terran physiology, and also are found in the majority of the Terrans on board.” As everyone sat back away from me for the scan, Maverick explained. “When you calibrate anything, you have to check it against the specifications for the design, the past performance of the part, and the expected performance of all parts of that type. It’s the only way to get an accurate margin for performance and identify if the part needs to be replaced. Sophia said that there is something alive in her that is in all of the crew.  If it was supposed to be there – something like intestinal flora or mitochondria – none of this would have happened. So it has to be something that is not just standard to our physiology, right?”

“But it would be identified by the database,” Antoine pointed out. “All known Terran and Galactic diseases are on file.”

Xiomara jumped up urgently. “Noah, while you are doing that, run a full medical scan of every Terran on the ship.  Identify anyone showing similar symptoms to Sophia, as she was two days ago through present.” She glanced at Tyche’s curious face, but soldiered on. “Simon Rodriguez, report to Council Chambers. Sophia Reid is incapacitated due to illness and I am calling an emergency meeting of the Council.  Keep this absolutely quiet, but we may have an epidemic on our hands.”

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[eds-trashmouth]

Can You Hear My Heart Beat For You? (2/3)

A/N: I know it’s been literally forever. But I did it. I finished this part. I decided to end it here and part 3 is going to be the sexy time. So there will be smut, but this one was already long. I’ll link part 1 incase you need to reread it. I know it’s been so long. Also, I will be finishing the second part of Good Side. I just figured I should finish this first since I started it first. Also my girl Sara gave me the idea for Eddie to say he’s lovesick (the scene went differently than I thought it would so it’s not exactly what we talked about but I still wanted to give her credit for that one)

Pairing: Reddie

Word Count: 3,000k+

Rating: PG-13 for trashmouth

Part 1

(AO3)

-

8 days 1 hour and 17 minutes

Eddie could not for the life of him get his mother to make him another appointment. He knew he couldn’t fake something too terrible, it had to be small and fixable. Like a cold. But the last time he went for a cold he came running out of the doctors room like a bat outta hell so his mother has been worried about sending him back to that doctor. He still refused to tell her exactly why he was running but she accepted the simple “I didn’t wanna be at the doctor anymore Ma” answer so really what more could Eddie ask for.

He had asked Bill a hundred times what he should get a check up for but Bill refused to help him lie to get a guys number.

“Just go into the office and ask for him. Easy.”

“It’s not easy Bill! How many times do I gotta say it?!”

“Oh my dear Eddie. It is indeed that easy. You just can’t accept the fact that you have to put yourself out there to get what you want.” Maybe Bill was right. He couldn’t just expect the world to work around him and his insecurities. He had to step up and take control of his own love life.

“Okay Billy, you’re right. Time to put myself out there.” Eddie stood up quickly, wiped his sweaty palms on his pants, and stormed out of the room. Not even 10 seconds later he was coming back in.

“This is my room, my mom won’t let you stay here alone...”

“It’s also almost midnight on a Friday, I doubt the doctors office is open.” Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Oh yeah. That too...”

It’s been days since Bill had told Eddie to stop being a pussy. As the days passed, so did Eddie’s confidence. It only took him 2 days 20 hours and 56 minutes to decide...he was a coward. There was no way he was going to just march into a doctor’s office to get some perfect boy’s number. He could, however, ask a certain hopeless romantic to help him out.

“Ben, I just need your advice.” Eddie had told him the whole story as soon as he answered. However, he called him on a Monday, his day for studying so Ben was a little less than helpful. He could hear a sigh and rustling on the other side of the phone then silence. He waited.

“Eddie, you do realize you’re an adult right?”

“Of course I do Ben. But I can’t just go and ask him. I just can’t. What if he says no?”

“You’re missing my point. You’re an adult. You can make your own appointment, and go by yourself. Then go from there.”

“Oh,” How had he not thought of that himself. It was so obvious. He wouldn’t have to worry about his mom, and if he changed his mind he could just leave. “You’re right. I can totally do that. Thanks Ben.”

“You’re welcome Eddie. Now please let me get back to his paper. It’s due by midnight.”

“Yes sir! You got this Ben.” And with that, he hung up. He would call in the morning and set up an appointment.

1 day 12 hours 8 minutes

It was time for his appointment. Walking through the too familiar hospital had his stomach churning. His mind kept racing. What if Tozier was taken? What if he was a jackass? What if he was straight?! He pushed down all his thoughts and took a deep breath before opening the waiting room door. He could tell by the mass of people that he’d probably have to wait awhile. There were at least five different families waiting to be seen. Each more annoying than the next. The first name called was an adorable little girl with her hand wrapped in gauze. Eddie assumed some kind of cut; probably pretty bad if they’re coming to the doctor. Eddie got a little nauseous just thinking about it.

He waited an entire hour to be called. Perhaps they were short on staff today. The same fiery redhead called for him with a smile. This was it. This was his chance. Did he know for sure Dr. Tozier would be performing his check up? No. But he decided if he didn’t see Tozier today then that was fate telling him it wasn’t meant to be. This was his ONLY chance. The nurse led him back through the same hallways and down to a similar room as before.

“The Doctor will be with you shortly, you’re welcome to have a sucker while you wait. Oh, I’m Beverly by the way. In case you need anything.” With a smile and small wave, Beverly was out the door. Eddie could feel his anxiety starting to show its ugly head. In just a few short moments he would, hopefully, be face to face with the man of his

dreams. Tozier wasn’t even here yet and Eddie could already tell his face was pink. He would just simply ask. ‘Want sum fuk?’ And that would be that. He had to be casual. He couldn’t let him know he’s been pining since the last visit. A soft knock on the door kicked him back to reality.

“Come in.” Eddie heard himself speak as if on impulse. The door opened and he almost cried. There stood a short middle aged woman, her blonde hair pulled into a tight bun.

“I’m Dr. Sylvia, what seems to be the problem today?” Her voice was soft but confident. Suddenly he forgot what he even thought of to say. He was only thinking of Tozier. Fuck. He obviously didn’t have a cold. He wasn’t throwing up.

“Uhh, I’ve been having some minor pain in my finger and I was wondering if I uh broke it?” The Doctor squinted a little as if confused, then nodded and walked close to Eddie.

“Which one seems to be the problem?” Her hand held out waiting for Eddie to place his.

“My uh, left middle.” He gave her his left and watched as she began bending his finger with no issues. She pressed softly on each section of knuckle. Eddie hissed a bit when she got to where his finger met his palm, realizing he should at least pretend something hurt.

“So here?” She pressed again a bit harder.

“Yeah, it’s not too bad. I was just worried.” She nodded once again.

“Well, it’s most definitely not broken. I believe it could just be that you smashed it a little or hit it on something. I’m sure it’ll get better all on it own.”

“Thank you miss.” He was embarrassed.

“You may leave whenever you like. Thank you for coming in today.” She left the room as Eddie let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. That was his chance, and Tozier wasn’t here. It was silly of him to think he would have the exact same intern over two weeks later. But wishful thinking is Eddie’s specialty he supposed.

13 hours 45 minutes

After his less than successful trip to the doctor Eddie decided the world hated him enough today, and he would stay in. Forever. Or at least until tomorrow. Sadly, his friends had other plans. Around 10pm there was a small rock on his window. Then another three hit simultaneously. He knew it was Bill, that was his signal to sneak out. He couldn’t be bothered to moved. The covers helped to hide his sadness, his pathetic sadness, from not getting a date with a stranger. A wonderfully eccentric stranger. It’s just...nothing had ever felt that easy. He never felt something so electric so quickly. It was like there was a magnet attached to Tozier’s lab coat or something. He was attracted immediately. His phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. With a sigh he answered.

“Stop moping and come out to the new over 18 club with us! It’ll get your mind of your love life. Hell, maybe you’ll even find a cute boy to dance with.” He expected Bill, not Mike, to be calling him. He could easily tell Bill no, but Mike? Everyone knew he’d never say no to hanging out with his homeschooled friend.

“Mike...I just. Wanna lie here and wallow.” If Mike let it go then he’d be golden. He could just stay in bed for the rest of his days.

“Cmon Eddie. Come dance with us. It’ll be fun I promise.” With a sigh and a small squeak Eddie agreed. Saying goodbye and getting up to get dressed. He knew he wouldn’t have time to tame his bedhead the way he’d like to so he settled for just brushing it back into a beanie. He never wore beanies, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t look cute in one. The light blue beanie matched his light blue v-neck he paired with a pair of black overall shorts. Of course a huge hoodie to cover him until they got to the club as well. A quick and easy outfit, perfect for dancing but not enough to get any unwanted attention. He’d go, dance with the boys a little, then make an excuse to go home.

The club was about a 15 minute drive in Mike’s old pickup. It was still in the city but almost on the outskirts. Eddie watched as buildings faded and passed by the window. His mind still going back to that cute set of curls with an adorable face to match. He was utterly infatuated and there’s nothing that he could do about it. He didn’t even know his fucking name. His plan had failed. His simple, basic, stupid plan. Failed. The dark blue exterior was lit up with seemingly every colored light imaginable. “Nerve” in bright neon caught Eddie’s eye immediately. It was nice. Definitely a dance club.

As they got to the bouncer, the music from inside came busting through the doors. Although muffled, he could still tell they were playing some rap song with a good beat. Getting in the door was easy enough though, Bill and Eddie were now sporting a black X on their right hands symbolizing they were underage. No drinking for them. The other boys went straight for the bar while Bill and Eddie grabbed a booth on the side of the giant dance floor. They would go actually dance later but for now Eddie just wanted to sit.

“So how was Doctor tall nerdy and curly today?”

“Nonexistent.” Eddie looked at his palms, a little embarrassed.

“What do you mean? What happened?”

“I should’ve known it was a dumb plan. He only filled in the last time because the doctor was busy. I didn’t even see him. The world just has it out for me Billy.”

“Cmon Eddie. You know that’s not true. So you didn’t get to ask out this guy? Oh well. There are plenty of guys out there. I know you gotta sort through the bullshit but it’s not like you’re destined meet your soulmate at 19. You have plenty of time my friend!”

“I know, it’d just be nice to have a boyfriend ya know? Or at least a date every now and then so I don’t feel like I’m making absolutely zero progress.” At that, Mike and Ben walked over with some mixed drinks and a few waters.

“These bad boys are for you bad boys.” Mike winked giving a water to both of the younger boys. After that, the conversation went casual. Boring casual, but casual. Eddie was in his own little world. Still wallowing in disappointment. He was watching Mike and Bill talking but couldn’t get himself to actually listen. His mind always going back.

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom. Then probably dance a little, I’ll come get you before I go out there.” Eddie excused himself from the booth and went searching for the bathrooms. It didn’t take too long, just down a hallway, then some stairs, then to the left. On his way through the hallway he spotted an outdoor area with some chairs and tables. Probably for smokers. The bathrooms were nice enough, for a club at least. No vomit on the floor and no shit smeared on the walls so it’s got that going for it. He did his business, washed his hands for exactly 20 seconds, and headed back up the stairs. An obnoxious voice caught his attention as he walked past the outdoor area. Looking toward the voice, his breath hitched.

There he was. Still tall. Less nerdy. More curly. He wore a black flannel over a vintage band tee and ripped black skinny(ish) jeans. He was a walking wet dream. His hair seemed to curl out in every direction and his glasses nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t help but stare, the guy he’d been pining over for weeks was standing 15 feet away. Right next to the redheaded nurse, Beverly? If he remembered correctly. Like some kind of destiny. Eddie was never one to believe in destiny, so maybe it was his doubts that made him walk away or maybe it was just his anxiety but as he met Tozier’s eyes he walked.

More like he ran, as he decided to leave he caught a glimpse of the set of curls making their way toward him. And he ran, like he always did, hoping to whatever would listen that Tozier hadn’t seen him and he could just go to the dance floor and disappear. The dance floor was dark, only a few lights from the stage to illuminate it, and a giant group of people. It was perfect to hide in. He made his way to the middle, slowly moving his hips to the beat as he walked to make it seem like he was dancing. Surprisingly once he got to the middle he saw Mike and some boy dancing. Well more like grinding on each other. As he got closer he could see blonde curls and a cute face. Mike sure does have a type, and this boy is one hundred percent it.

“Hey stranger. Took you long enough to get back.” Mike was smiling and turned to his dance partner. “This is Stan. He got ditched while his friends went out to smoke. I told him I’d keep him company.”

“Hi Stan, I’m Eddie. Mind if I dance with you guys?”

“Well of course you can. That’s what we’re here for isn’t it?” Eddie couldn’t help but smile as they went back to dancing. The music seemed to flow through his whole body. He wouldn’t say he was the best dancer but he could definitely keep rhythm. He was questioning wearing shorts in December but out here on this sweaty dance floor he couldn’t be more happy to have them. It’s just a perk that they also made his butt look pretty good.

“Staniel, please tell me you were going to introduce me to these cuties.” Eddie slightly jumped at the loud voice behind him. He saw Stan roll his eyes but smile.

“Of course I wasn’t Trashmouth. I was saving them the hassle of knowing you.” Eddie turned to see who Stan could possibly be talking to like that, however he wasn’t expecting to be met with the familiar face of a beautiful stranger.

“Well, if it’s the cutie from the clinic! Glad to see cancer hasn’t taken you yet! How have you been feeling?”

“Lovesick...” Eddie couldn’t believe that came out of his mouth, but he couldn’t help it. He was staring again. “Uh! Sick, just sick. But uh, I’m o-okay now.”

“How is it that we meet again little Eddie Spaghetti? Seems like fate doesn’t it?” The smile on the taller boy’s face seemed to stretch ear to ear. He was so pretty. Eddie was royally fucked. He couldn’t even speak. He just stared.

“How is it that you managed to weird out the shyest boy here?” Stan was shaking his head watching the interaction.

“He doesn’t mind, do ya Eds?” He winked. He fucking winked, like Eddie wasn’t having an internal crisis right in front of him. He wanted to speak but with the shock of Tozier standing in front of him he couldn’t say a word.

“Ya alright there Eddie? Do you need to sit down?” Mike was to his side instantly, checking on him. Eddie really didn’t deserve him and he’d remind him of that later. When he could speak. “Let’s get you to Bill and Ben.”

“Wait. I’m a Doctor. I’m sure I can help him.” Tozier was still being as cocky as ever and something about him drives Eddie crazy.

“You’re an intern, not a doctor.” It came out like word vomit. It seemed like Eddie either said too much or nothing at all. If the rudeness of his statement offended the boy he didn’t show it. He simply smiled that ear reaching smile and bent down to get a closer look at Eddie.

“How high is that heart rate, do you think sugar?” His face was inches away and Eddie couldn’t help but count the freckles splattered across his face. His eyes scanned his whole face taking inventory of those freckles, landing lastly on his lips. He could tell they were a little chapped but in this moment Eddie couldn’t think of anything more appealing than smashing his soft lips into them.

“My eyes are up here darling, at least ask my name before undressing me with your eyes.” Eddie felt two fingers lifting his chin so he could get a look into his eyes.

“I-I wasn’t undressing y-you. Don’t be so cocky, it’s not a flattering look on you.” Tozier’s mouth hung open, definitely not expecting Eddie to have an answer.

“He’s a fiesty one! I like a spicy bottom.” It was Eddie’s turn for his jaw to hit the floor. Mike and Stan watched as the boys slipped into their own little world right there on the dance floor.

“A little forward, huh?”

“When I see something I want? Definitely. I can show you just how forward I can be if you’d let me check out that little body of yours again.”

“I don’t even know your name, as you so crudely pointed out seconds ago. Unless your parents named you Trashmouth and for that I’d say I’m so sorry.”

“What can I say? I’m just talented with my mouth.” That smirk again. “You definitely need my name, so you know what you’ll be screaming later. Richie, Richie Tozier. At you service luv.” Eddie cringed at the terrible British accent but couldn’t help feeling smitten at the same time.

“Well Richie. I’m not one to go home with just anyone. So no can do my good sir.” This time Eddie slipped into a British accent, making Richie’s smile even wider.

“My lord, you are perfect.” The sudden softness in his voice sent a shiver through Eddie’s entire body. He was back in Eddie’s face, he could feel his breath on his lips. “Let me at least take you out. I can’t let you run out of my life like I let you run out of that exam room.”

Without anymore thought, Eddie surged forward catching Richie’s lips with his. It didn’t take long for him to feel Richie’s tongue working his mouth open. He’s never been a fan of smoking, but he could get used to the taste of this Trashmouth.

“How about you pick me up tomorrow? I’ll go to dinner with you then we can see where it goes from there loverboy.”

“That sounds like dream.”

-Taglist

@richietoaster @geckolover001 @pennys-pet-kitty @aesteddie @elhopps @summerxle @mexicanqt @punkrocktozier @richietczicr @tozier-club @kristashae @princesass-theresa @dandeliontozier @doctor-lobster @queennugget3 @halfway-happy353 @reddieafterdark @beep-beep-reddie @hmufinn @stanuterus @not-reddie @curlywheelers @i-is-gazebo @temptedtozier @reddie-to-fight @girasol-eddie @mirandonsky @annoyingtozier @sedanleystanley @richieshawaiianshirts @tyrror

Let me know if you want to be tagged, should’ve been tagged, or no longer want to be tagged!!

[killervibe]

Blizzard Discretionary Advised

I noticed that I haven’t written much Mom!Caitlin, and that needed to be fixed right away. 

~.~ 

Caitlin looked out the window just as the two school buses pull up in front of their house. She nodded to herself, pleased to see the driver still on schedule after this many years, and continued working at the kitchen island. 

The front door swung open as the kids marched in, the younger ones sprinting up the stairs so they could change out of their uniforms to play, but Dante Stein stayed behind. He locked the door behind them, then wandered into the room to find her. 

“Hey mom.” 

Caitlin smiled at her son as he shrugged off his dad’s old leather jacket and pulled himself a chair. He was beginning to look so much like him, it was uncanny. Cisco joked that Dante Stein was a Francisco Ramon after a bleach wash and tumble cycle in the dryer. His tousled hair was lighter than the rest of his siblings, with a golden highlight at the ends where it curled against his shoulders, and his eyes were all hers.

 Still, he looked like Cisco. 

“Hi. How was your day?” 

He shrugged, deflecting, choosing instead to watch her. 

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

“Making ice.” She did so every few weeks.

DS tilted his head as she cut the ice into cubes to put in plastic bags. Caitlin was going to stuff them in the freezer later. “...May I?” 

“Absolutely,” she said with a proud grin. Dante Stein raised his hand over the counter, letting mist spill from his fingerless gloves. His highlights turned bleach, his eyes white, as an icicle grew, morphing into a large block of ice.

Dante Stein released his hold, and the cold sucked back into his palm. He met his mother’s eyes for approval. 

“Impressive,” Caitlin praised. 

“Thanks.” He tugged on his beanie. “I’m better at cold snapping than frost-overs.” 

“That’s okay. It takes time.” She reached forward to stroke her son’s hair, scratching her fingers into his scalp. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.

“Dante,” she said, gentle. “What’s the matter?”

He sighed. His hair still tinged icy. Caitlin walked around the corner so she could pull him into her side. Dante Stein always used to attach himself to her like a baby koala, desperate for cuddles. They never figured out if it was because he always felt cold or because he simply had separation anxiety. It might’ve been a mix of both. 

Her teenage son rested his head against her shoulder. Caitlin ran her hand up and down his arm. 

“We learned about you in school today.”

Caitlin paused. That could be anything.

“Oh? Star Labs or Team Flash?”

“Neither.” Dante slipped out of her embrace and put the melting ice away. His shoulders were tense, stiff. He opened the freezer compartment with a forceful yank, dumping the ice cubes into the right spot, then closed it again. “Savitar.” 

Oh. Caitlin blanched a little, then swallowed. “...You learned about Savitar in your contemporary world class?” 

“No. We learned about exoneration. And how that differs from diplomatic immunity.” Dante Stein stammered, caught when Caitlin quirked a surprised eyebrow. Cisco had to push the boy to do so much as open his school agenda. “Not that I was really listening, of course. I mean. I did when you were brought up as an example.” 

“I see.” 

Dante Stein idolized his mother since they made ice castles together in the backyard when he was five.  And no matter what Caitlin did to try and dissuade it, she knew it remained. It was a certain kind of connection that couldn’t be forged. A bond that came as natural as breathing. Caitlin had the same one with Heath, even if it were somewhat different. The one she shared with Dante was more intense, more heartfelt. The pride she felt when his Blizzard unleashed, when the frost from his fingertips turned them blue without pain, the first snow he created when he turned eight. 

He was older now, fifteen. He liked to maintain a persona of detached chill, especially at school and with his friends. He liked to pretend he didn’t need her anymore. That he didn’t need anyone, really. 

They let him keep up that charade. Caitlin knew it helped him feel somewhat in control. She knew how that worked. 

“Mom. I don’t understand how it happened. I don’t understand how you could do something like that.”

Caitlin sat down on the stool at the island, eyeing him as he fumbled with serving himself juice. Ellie came running down in her ballerina tutu. She lifted her up and kissed her forehead, giving her permission to play outside with the dog. Dante Stein watched with a complicated expression as she helped her open the screen door. 

“That’s because I wasn’t the person you know, back then. I was different. Killer Frost wasn’t just a codename. She was... a person. A different person inside of me. One that fueled on anger and pain. Whose inhibitions were nonexistent. I didn’t remember what she’d do at the time. I’d blackout with glimpses and strong feelings. It was scary.” 

Dante Stein’s grip tightened against his glass, eyes wide. “Mom.” 

She reached across the counter for his hand, squeezing it, letting his tension dissolve. “It’s okay,” she said. “My powers didn’t come from the explosion. Grandpa Snow did some questionable experiments on me when I was younger. It was from a place of love, but it caused several mess ups. Balance is important, DS. You need love to equalize hatred. Patience to steady Impulse. Killer Frost didn’t have that, because she was severed from the rest of me. I had to learn to shoulder my burden and manage the cold.” 

“But I’m not like you,” he stressed. “I’m like her.” 

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. I’m not perfect or smart like Amalia, or compassionate like Heath or creative like Ellie. I’m not even a nice person! I’m cold and everything gets under my skin, like, all the time. What if Blizzard is my Frost? What if I wake up one day and I just...snap, and lose myself like you did? Dad always says I’m just like you. Mom, I don’t want that.” 

“You mean like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?” Heath piped up, swiping his older brother’s abandoned juice. 

They both startled. 

“You’ve been here the entire time?” Dante Stein hissed, glaring at him. 

“It’s not my fault I blend in very well with my surroundings. I liked it when you called me compassionate. That was nice. An evil alter ego wouldn’t do that.” 

“Heath,” Caitlin warned. “This is a private conversation.” 

Heath shrugged, a lemon blossom sprouting from his branch around his waist that he’d been wearing as a belt this week. He plucked it out and stuck it into DS’s hair. 

“Discretion,” he explained, then walked out to join his sister outside. 

“He’s so weird,” Dante Stein groaned, burying his head in his hands. The flower fell into the empty glass. 

“He was trying to help. In his own way.” Caitlin took a deep breath, rearranging her thoughts. She went back to what was said before the interruption, wanting to make things clear. 

“Your sister is not perfect. I wish you’d stop comparing yourself to her. She’s her own person, makes her own mistakes, you know plenty.” 

“She doesn’t have the urge to create a new ice age under that techno babble of hers,” he muttered. 

Caitlin gave her son some side eye. “You don’t actually have that urge, do you?” 

“...No. Maybe? No.” His voice came out muffled through his palms. 

She crossed her arms. 

“No.” 

“Mmhm.” 

“But what if I did? And ruin everything. They’d never exonerate me after looking at my school record.” 

“That will never happen, sweetheart.” 

“You don’t know that for sure,” he snapped.

Caitlin’s hair turned silver, and she tapped her nails against the counter, catching her son’s attention. “Hey,” she said cooly. “Look here.” 

DS glanced at Killer Frost, but turned away, curling into himself. 

“Look at me, babe.” 

He did eventually, frozen tears in his eyes. 

“I love you. You’re nothing like me. Your jokes are funny, your sarcasm is smart, your cold snaps are stellar. And you care. You care about everyone. I care for about as many people I can count on my fingers. You kids and your dad takes up a whole hand.” She held up a five. “The other hand depends on my mood. Uncle Barry sometimes doesn’t even make the cut, kid, and he’s The Flash.” 

Dante Stein stifled a laugh. “Uncle Barry gets intense sometimes.” 

“For sure,” she smirked, and continued. “My specialty was ice. I froze things solid, sucked life out until there was unfeeling. You...cool things down. You bring boiling points to a simmer.”

“That’s a lot of temperatures analogies, Mom.”

“You’re understanding them, though.” She pointed out. “It doesn’t matter how I sound, or what colour is my hair. I’m the one in control. I’m Caitlin. And you are Dante Stein, my boy. I can’t promise you that your Blizzard side won’t make a fuss if you’re hurt inside. But it’s better than shutting down and feeling nothing at all. Your powers are part of who you are, and for all they may or may not  sometimes be scary, I know you love them.” 

He shrugged as some colour came to his cheeks. “Can I have another hug?” 

Caitlin’s heart nearly melted. “Of course.” She opened her arms and he snuggled into her side, his hair tickling her nose as he tucked his head under her chin. She kissed his head and squeezed, warming up the two of them as they let their transformations fall. 

For everything she’d just said, her son was right. Sometimes he needed to look into Frost’s eyes to believe. To see someone like himself. Even if Caitlin didn’t need Frost anymore, had long since merged the hair and eyes and attitude that belonged to her old alter ego into her own self, Caitlin had the ability to summon her for other purposes than saving the multiverse, or keeping her identity a secret, such as times like these. 

“You’re going to be okay?” 

He nodded. So did she, but she pulled him back to look at his face sternly. 

“You’re going to tell me what’s really wrong?” 

“I knocked a kid out for calling Killer Frost Team Flash’s Winter Soldier. You know, from the old Marvel movies.” 

Caitlin barked out a surprised laugh. 

“I got suspended.” 

“Oh my god, Dante Stein.” 

“I was mad because I actually liked that class and don’t want to miss it.” 

“You goof.” Caitlin pulled him back to swat him. “Was it that kid Greyson? The one who called Heath that name?” 

Dante Stein’s smile was sheepish. “...Yeah.” 

Caitlin couldn’t stop giggling, covering her mouth behind her hand. “Wait until your Dad--” 

Cisco breached into the room with Amalia and five boxes of pizza, rolling his eyes. “--He already knows!” 

“Who’d figure DS was such a nerd,” Amalia teased, knuckling his head. “I call the breadsticks.” 

“--Hey, watch the hair!” 

Caitlin’s gaze slid over to her husband, who winked in return. 

“You were the one who wanted a houseful of crazy kids,” he reminded

Caitlin huffed. “That was you.” 

“Oh?” Cisco’s eyes gleamed with amusement. He opened the screen door to call in the younger ones. “Heath! Ellie! Get ready for dinner.” 

Amalia opened a breach to her bedroom to toss her jacket onto her bed. “You wanted us to be normal?” She snorted. “We must’ve been an epic disappointment.” 

Nah. Caitlin loved her bunch dearly just as they were. She smiled, wiping her hands on her jeans and opened the first box. Caitlin’s mouth twisted with distaste. “The only epic disappointment is that you ordered The Elongated Pizza and not Killer Calzones for dinner.” 

[softhaos]

FRAGMENTS OF AFFECTION

pairing – kim mingyu x reader genre – angst + slowburn + non-idolverse description – everyone knew he was too good to be true. from the way he looked at you with eyes too loving to his proximity too close whenever you intertwined hands. everyone knew except you. warning – mentions of alcohol but no consumption song rec – hard to love | bolbbalgan4 word count – 2,002 words author’s note – i wanted to post this days ago as a “holy crap thank you so much for reading my fics and leaving nice messages once in a whilef” but that didn’t work out oops but hey, better late than never !! look this is my attempt at angst,,,, maybe i should stick with fluff heh,,

When people told you that Mingyu was too perfect a boyfriend, you took it as a compliment. He gave you the world which merely consisted of a gracious amount of skinship and sweet words that reflected his overflowing adoration for you. It was a small world you lived in, but as long as he was the sun in your life it was more than enough. You were certain that the string you tied around one another wasn’t going to tear.

When people begged to differ, you were confused. Perfect didn’t exist and Mingyu was too good. They were convinced that Mingyu was the epitome of chaos behind his angelic demeanor. You assumed they just didn’t want you to be happy for once even after the countless heartbreaks and countless exes you had been put through.

But with time, you figured they had been right all along.

When you encountered Kim Mingyu the first time, namely in a small cafe just two blocks away from Subway, he didn’t necessarily catch your attention the moment he stepped into the coffee shop. Meeting him was the aftermath of yet another blind date set up by your friends who thought they’d do you a favor. Not that Mingyu wasn’t attractive – quite the contrary, he was one of the more good-looking fellas you’ve seen around, but he just looked so neat and shy and plain in that black turtleneck, same colored slacks and beige coat buttoned up all the way. At this point, you’d rather escape to Subway and go through the hassle of ordering a sandwich. Nonetheless, you refrained from doing so.

What was originally supposed to be a date over a cup of coffee turned out to be a full-hearted conversation based on mutual feelings on particularly peculiar topics over the span of two cups of coffee and five batches of chocolate chip cookies. At first, his true colors were veiled behind the natural awkwardness he possessed and unusual jokes that took you a good minute to comprehend. His gaze wandered everywhere except at you yet whenever you talked and your gaze drifted outside to stare at the pedestrians and occasional vehicles passing by, you could sense his eyes on you, the brightest star right then.

But once you tore down bits and pieces of the walls he had built around him, you caught a glimpse of the klutz that defined Kim Mingyu, the tongue-tied man he was whenever he was nervous or had too many thoughts occupying his mind simultaneously, the suddenly much more likable guy for adding cereal after milk. You noticed how pretty his eyes were, how much depth and innocence his gaze held and detected the slight lisp he held. It was the little things that made him stood out from your past romances and flings. Then again, you always paid attention to details in every person and that had been your mindset with everyone before him.

Theoretically speaking, he shouldn’t have intrigued you as much as he managed to. In the end, what he revealed of himself wasn't something you hadn't heard before. Being a great cook might have been impressive for some others, but with the handful of people you met, it was no longer mesmerizing. You heard all of his stories too many times as if the same record was playing over and over again but each time in different stereos.

There were many reasons that spoke for why Kim Mingyu was nothing more than a fling if you took the chance and way too little arguments why Mingyu would be right this time. But when you met him in the supermarket for the third time out of the three times you went grocery shopping after that not-so horrible tragedy of a date, you started to question your rationality.

Though still as plain when it came to his choice of clothing, Mingyu was definitely bolder than on your initial meeting. He was the one who dared the first step and stirred up the conversation, the one who would ask how you were doing, the one who pitched into the same direction on the way home but took a left turn at the second crossroad. His stories remained as common as ever, nothing that wowed you, yet behind his words lied the charm laced in his voice that pulled you in. At one point, he built up enough courage to invite you over to dinner and as much as your reason desperately tried to pry him off, you said yes.

You didn’t regret your choice.

Besides finding out that Mingyu did live up to his self-proclaimed title as an amateur chef, he finally showed his true colors, ranging from the warmest hue to his darkest sides he was unwilling to unravel right away. Neither of you was intoxicated by an alcohol rush – hell, all he had was apple juice, all sorts of coke and water – but if anyone were to barge in and interrupt your two-man fiesta, they would’ve staked out the entire apartment looking for some nonexistent stash. What started out as a small conversation about minuscule life updates while enjoying pasta evolved into questions about different types of potatoes as you got tipsy on water and hiccuped on vanilla and cherry coke mixed together.

That was also when you took notice of his slight lisp, his habit of tangling his fingers in his jet-black hair after a good laugh, his lips pressed together as he tried to suppress his grin. In a matter of hours, there was no longer any trace of the diplomatic Mingyu who cracked some awful puns when he was feeling humorous. Instead, a carefree and significantly more resolute Mingyu who didn’t shy away from pulling you onto the couch and spilling a bit of cola along the way took his place.

Reminiscing about past memories, slurring about precedents and laughing about disastrous ways to end a date in the hospital made the evening worthwhile. Topics that you never even thought of were brought to light and made you realize that there was something more in the vessel that belonged to Kim Mingyu. All the while as his slender fingers softly tugged on the roots of your hair and as he looked at you with so much affection it proved his soberness, he didn’t dare to delve into deeper territory. In the back of your mind, you were fairly sure the evening was going to escalate to you staying the night and waking up under the sheets in his embrace the next morning. Though once you saw his reluctance and restraint to bruise your lips (more or less), you were proved wrong.

Appreciating his self-control and the boundaries he didn’t want to cross at this early stage, maybe your rationality had been wrong about him the entire time. You enjoyed the pace he was opting for, acknowledged his effort and was utterly affected by his entirety. Throughout the night your lips never touched once, but his touches still ghosted on your skin even when he was no longer near. Slowly but surely, he became the center of your world and so did you become his. That was how you began to love him, little by little.

It was a long process to get where you were now, but the long journey made the result so much sweeter. Innocent touches and intertwining fingers in public was how you started off before Mingyu finally pulled himself together and pressed featherlight kisses on the top of your hair and cheek. The memory of your very first proper kiss in the middle of the night while watching reruns of Spongebob was initiated by you – a quick peck on his lips before he no longer cared if he looked like a tomato and pulled you into a second, deeper one. Out of your fairly long list of past lovers, nobody had managed to strike you as hard as Mingyu. Of course, he was aware of your previous relationships but that had never caused him to look at you in a different light. If not, it urged him to cherish you even more. Even though he wasn’t your first in anything, he made it feel as if he was your first.

Everything was perfectly fine. You were perfectly fine and the only trouble was the whirlwind of emotions that overcame you every hour of the day caused by him, but you wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

Kim Mingyu held your heart in his hands and you wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

You had reached the level where you confined your trust in him, where you sought comfort in him and where you saw home in him. There were no secrets kept hidden from one another and throughout the months of being together, not even a single catastrophic fight had taken place. A few playful bickerings here and there had happened but there had never been a gigantic tear in your relationship that blew it out of proportion. You knew the huge storm would come up sooner or later but you didn’t expect it to destroy everything.

The thunder resounded at a party and truth be told, you should’ve seen it coming. Though the jealousy was running thick, you chose not to intervene just yet despite your fathomable desire to give him a piece of your mind. You still didn’t say a word when you saw him feverishly kissing someone who wasn’t you as if his life depended on it. Knowing Mingyu for so long, you knew he couldn’t hold his liquor well and had impulsive tendencies when he was intoxicated by the burning rush.

But when he pulled back and gave you a perfect sight on his dark eyes which weren’t clouded by anything, but crystal clear with nothing but soberness and intense warmth reflected in them, that was when the lightning struck. You knew that gaze too well, the look he sent you every time because he was so infatuated with you and had no filter to hide any of his affection. But what differed the affection he displayed at that moment than like he usually did was that those feelings weren’t directed towards you.

The second major difference you noticed was that the unconditional adoration radiating from him was more real than the love he had ever shown you – if what he gave you had been real in the first place.

You didn’t need anyone to tell you whether what they shared was a fling or actual love that was blooming unbeknownst to you while Mingyu was supposed to be exclusively yours. Of course, it was the latter. You might’ve been oblivious to it before, how his love for you slowly died out and how hard he struggled to make it work (as pointed out by your friends once when they noticed his torn gaze lingering on you for a second too long or his posture suddenly tense for an unfathomable reason), but the only fact that mattered was that he didn’t choose to stay.

Just like that, your entire world crumbled down until only remnants of what used to be remained.

You couldn’t bring it over yourself to not feel anything for him. Mingyu left a scar too deep in you and nothing could ever stop you from being emotionally invested in him. But you also couldn’t welp in eternal sorrow and infinite lovesickness or hope that he’d come back with clean hands. It was clear that nothing could equal to your relationship before. Mingyu would never let that happen and neither would you.

If you couldn’t diminish your feelings for him, you had to change them.

And so, all timeless love you harbored for Mingyu turned into unceasing hate.

[hey-taqy-blog]

LIFE AFTER YOU (A Short Story by Me)

       It was cold Saturday night and I fell asleep —again, on the couch. I was reading a novel while listening on Ed Sheeran “The A Team” when I fell asleep in the afternoon. The calendar said it was April, but I thought, winter wasn’t done yet. Most people would prefer to go back to sleep, wrapping their body tightly with a blanket as the temperature was unexpectedly freezing cold tonight. But it didn’t happen to me.

       I closed my eyes, trying to get more sleep when suddenly I felt it all coming back to me.

       I dreamt about him again. The same dream, over and over again. I couldn’t think straight as the memory began to move in reverse, slowly stepping backward. I wondered, perhaps, those memories are just a surreal images created by my mind. But deep down I knew, it was my trauma that collided with my unconscious mind.

       I washed my face, hoping that I could also washed away all those bad dreams that haunted me lately, though I couldn’t. I felt trapped. The thought that I was the reason of his nonexistence consumed my whole body and mind.

       Daniel was dead, El. Two months ago. Because of you.

       I just realized, without him, my life was just a depressing reality. It was just bland, uncolored and sorrowful. I kept thinking about how much I bitterly regretted all the things that happened that day. I cried a lot. Mostly, I cried myself to sleep.

       “You’re such a cry baby,” he said while wiping my tears.

       He always knew that I was kind of sensitive woman who will cry over small things. However these days, I couldn’t cry anymore. The tears that I used to shed at night seemed to have reached its limit as now only invisible ones seemed to symbolize my anguish. One day, I thought it was enough. I should stopped blaming myself for the unintended consequences of my childish action. We live in a world of mortality anyway.

      But then the reality always hit me.

       If I had never started that silly argument, he would still be alive.

       The regrets always made me think of ‘what if’ questions that I knew, they could never be answered.

       What if I’d never met him?

       What if I’d never love him?

       What if he’d never love me the way he did?

       What if I could turn back time?

       I whispered to the empty air, “I miss him. I really do. I miss his laugh, his jokes, his undeniably charm. I miss his presence till it hurts. No one can replace him. No one can make me laugh as he did. No one can understand me as he did. No one like him…”

       For the first time in my life, I felt so suffocated. I kept thinking about how much I love him.  From the start did I know, when I first met him coincidently at Claudette—a French restaurant in 24 Fifth Avenue— one year ago, that he was actually the person I should not fallen into. But my heart was out of control back then. I’ve came to a realization that he was so irresistible. Something in the way he listened to my story, to my dream, or even to my superficial problem made me think he valued me. The way he looked deep into my eyes as if he was telling me that I am the most beautiful girl in this world.

       “You’re different from any other guys that I’ve ever met before.”

        I always liked the way he talked with his sharp mind. The way he talked about his passionate dream with honesty. His way of speaking was fresh, straight forward, and as it is. At first, I tried to deny that it was nothing more than just a simple attraction of a stranger that coincidently become friend. But then again, my heart was in a situation that I couldn’t explain. The chemistry that I had already sensed between us finally turned into something more. In the end, I knew, I fell in love to a person I shouldn’t.

       I still remembered how our first meeting happened. It was one rainy night at the beginning of April. I was alone standing outside Claudette, waiting for the rain to stop because I didn’t bring my umbrella. At first, I thought I would take a cab but I just realized, I didn’t have any money left in my wallet. So I thought I would walk to my apartment instead.

       To my bad luck, the rain didn’t stop even after I waited for half an hour. I started to feel tired of waiting. I was thinking of running through the rain when I caught someone came to my direction and unexpectedly offered an umbrella in his hands, a yellow-bright umbrella.

       “Huh?” I asked him in a confusing tone.

       “Here, take this umbrella. I think you need it more than I do.” He offered me again his umbrella. He seemed persistent.

       “O-okay…ehm but what about you? Do you bring your car or something?”

       “No. I leave my car in my office. But it’s not a problem, though. I can just walk through the rain. It’s not like I will get sick right away just because I get soaked in the rain” He showed his playful smile and I laughed.

       “Okay, then. Thanks for offering me this umbrella” I smiled at him.

      “My pleasure,” he said while tightening his brown coat. He was just about to run through the rain when I remembered something.

      “Hey, what’s your name? And how can I give back your umbrella?” I asked, almost shouted.      

       He was already in the rain. “My name’s Daniel. Daniel O’Brien. Just meet me in this restaurant tomorrow at 7 pm. Is that okay?”

      “Yes” I nodded my head. He smiled and the next thing I knew, he was already disappeared in the rain.

       After our coincident meeting, we became closer. We often hung out together just to talk about our stressed day, our life, or just anything that came to our mind in that moment. He always took me to places I have never been before. He took me to the vintage stores, museums, art gallery, beaches —he took me to wonderful places. I just came to know that he was a photographer. He said he was majored in laws but photography took his interest more than his major. On the one hand, something that always took my interest more than anything else was the way he smiled. He smiled not only through his lips but also through his eyes. He said people called it as an eye-smile. A smile that always captured my heart since our first meeting.

       However, now, his smile felt so devastating whenever I remembered it. Not only his smile, but actually everything became so devastating.

       Sometimes, I saw his appearance right before my eyes. I couldn’t tell if it was my illusion or he was really there, alone, a bit wet because of the rain and shivering. It was hard to distinguish between illusion and reality. I just thought that after I lost him, I also lost half of my consciousness.

      “Someone, please tell me, what should I do to redeem these painful feelings?”

       Then the idea came.

       I impulsively took a cab and went to Claudette where I knew, still flourished with our sweet memories that we spent there. I didn’t know why, I just felt like I should go there because the place held our memories on our first and last meeting. And I thought, after two months of mourning, I needed to make things clear. Maybe, there is a way to take all these pains and regrets from my heart. Maybe, just maybe.

       As I arrived at Claudette, I realized that the neon lamps were still there like they never witnessed the awful thing that happened right in front of them two months ago. I searched desperately for someone who was always haunting my dream. And there he was, sitting in one of the outdoor table, our favorite table, eating bouillabaisse while checking pictures on his SLR camera. I walked to where he was and sitting in front of him. As surprised as I might be, his presence vanished into dust.  Well, the illusion got my consciousness again.

       I glanced at my watch. It was 10 pm and the place was almost empty. Only few people were there. A young man was having his cup of coffee, a couple of teenage love birds were chatting with each other and some sleepy staffs were trying their best to clean up with the last bit of their energy.

       I didn’t know what happened to me, but suddenly, I started to cry so loud that everyone was looking at me.

       Two months ago, two days before it all happened, Daniel asked me to go to Claudette. He said he had something important to tell me. On the way to Claudette, my phone beeped. I unlocked the phone and there was a message from an unknown number.

       “You still think that Daniel loves you that much, huh? Well, I think you’re wrong.”

       ‘What does this person means?’ was all I thought after I read that message. Not long after that, another messages arrived. There were photos of Daniel and a woman in a black-sexy dress. The woman was embracing Daniel’s arms and they both were smiled to each other. The most surprising picture was when they both were in a jewelry shop and the woman was holding a small ring in her finger.

      As I arrived at Claudette and sit in our favorite table, I kept digest those messages. Who is that woman? Why they were in a jewelry shop? What is it all about? I confused. My mind kept wandering to somewhere else and I didn’t realize that Daniel was already sitting in front of me.

      “Hey, what are you thinking? You seem dazed and you look pale. Are you alright?” Daniel asked, disrupting my thoughts.

      “I don’t know. Everything is so confusing,” I said while massaging my head.

      “What happens El?”

       “It’s not about me, but you, Dan. Someone said, you have another woman beside me. I thought it is just a rumor but it turns out to be true”

       “What a nonsense, Elena Joyce! What are you talking about? I don’t understand at all”

        I laughed ironically. Finally, I showed him the pictures of him and that woman.

       “What are these? I mean, yes, these pictures are real. A-and, you—you know, she is my childhood best friend. She wants me to accompany her because she is heartbroken and depressed. Yes, I used to date her in high school but we broke up because…”

       “Enough, Daniel. I don’t want to hear it anymore.” I kept massaging my head as it became heavier than before. “Dan, you don’t even know how desperate I am these days. I lost my job. My parents call me this morning and said that they want to do a divorce. I called you so many times yesterday but you don’t even picked up my calls. I think I finally understand the reason. Well, Dan, I think I should go.” I got up from my position and walked in a speed to cross the street. Tears were streaming down my face. I just couldn’t hold it back anymore.

       “El, wait! I am sorry, okay? I know I am a jerk but I am sure it is just a misunderstanding”

       And somehow, I thought that he was telling the truth. However, it was so hard to pretend that everything was alright when the reality was not.

       “Watch out, El,” shouted Daniel.

        I didn’t remember perfectly what happened after Daniel said those three words. Everything was blurry. What I remember was I woke up in a hospital, searching for Daniel’s presence when the nurse informed me that Daniel was gone. He died after suffering cerebral hemorrhage.

       Later, I found the truth behind his death. The police officer told me that I almost get hit by a car right before someone pushed me away to the side of the street. Someone who pushed me was none other than Daniel, my beloved boyfriend.

       I collapsed on the cold floor of hospital. I couldn’t accept the reality. And to make it worse, another nurse approached me, giving me a black velvet ring box and a piece of crumpled paper. I opened the paper and there was Daniel’s neat handwriting which said:

       El, you’re the person that I’ve been searching for in my whole life. You’re a dream coming true to me. I am very grateful to have you in my life. Let’s just recklessly fall in love with each other until the world tears us apart. So, El, will you marry me?

      “I am sorry…” my tears wouldn’t stop. “I was so stupid that day. I should have listen to your explanation. I should have never leave you. I’m regretting all those childish action I made. I am so sorry, Daniel…” People kept staring at me, but I didn’t care anymore.

       I knew, I couldn’t take back all the things that already happened, but I also couldn’t live like this. The thought that it would be better to disappear from this world got the best of me. “Yes, maybe, die is the only way to forget all of my pains and regrets” I smiled to myself. I found the best solution for my problem and I was beyond happy.

       As I was about to go up from my position, the rain poured down heavily. “Oh, God, why now?”

       I cursed the weather for disrupt my plan. But then I thought, “I will die today. So, why should I care if I got soaked in the rain? Ah, I am so stupid.”

       I forced a smile, “Okay, I will do it now.”

       I got up from my position. But when I was about to do my plan, something disrupt me again. Someone, actually, as that person held my hand tightly. I turned my face to see the person who disrupt my plan. I found out that he was a man in his early twenties, quite eccentric, I thought, as he was wearing a white bomber jacket and a red-black headband in his head. Ah, he was a man that I saw was having a cup a coffee by himself.

       “What are you doing? Don’t go out in the rain,” he said.

       I blinked, “Huh?”

       He stared at me. “If you want to go through the rain, use this umbrella,” he offered his black umbrella to me. “I think you need it more than I do. It will be better though than getting soaked in the middle of the night.”

       I was still frozen in my place. I was speechless actually. Why he should bother if I get soaked or not. It’s my life, not his. “Uh, I don’t think I need your umbrella. But, thank you.”

       He laughed heartily. “Why? Don’t tell me you want to run through the rain, cross that street, and wait until one of the cars hit you. I don’t think that idea is funny though. So, just use this umbrella and return home safely,” he offered his umbrella again.

       I rolled my eyes. “Who is this mysterious guy, by the way? How does he know my plan? Is he a fortune-teller or what?”

       “Okay.” I hesitated before finally accepting the umbrella from his hands. “Thank you for your kindness and consideration.”

       He responded my statement with his smirk. Well, it seemed like I had to postpone my plan. Thanks to this Mr. Weird, I lost the desire to end up my life. So, I would just going home and sleep and hope that I wouldn’t see him again neither tomorrow nor in the future.

       I opened his black umbrella when he suddenly clasped his hands.

       “Oh, by the way, please return my umbrella tomorrow. This umbrella is my favorite, so I just lend it to you until tomorrow. We can meet up here, in Claudette at 7 pm. Is that okay? Oh, and my name’s Victor. Victor Von Schwind. But just call me V. Alright, see you tomorrow!”

       I nodded hesitantly. “Uh, okay. See you tomorrow, V!”

[anavoliselenu]

Stepping stone chapter 1

The wind whipped around me, causing my hair to slap me across the face. I impatiently shoved it out of my eyes and fumbled with the credit card reader prompts at the gas pump.

 No, I do not want a car wash. No, I do not want a receipt.

 The only thing I wanted was to fill my tank and get out of the rain. It had been a long day. The drive that morning to Stamford, Connecticut from my apartment in Greenwich Village took longer than expected. Traffic out of the city had been a complete bear and I was hoping to make it back in time to miss the rush hour commuters.

 “Card read error. Please see attendant,” said a computerized voice from the speaker on the gas pump.

 “Dammit,” I swore. Hastily shoving my credit card into the pocket of my suit jacket, I hurried towards the main building of the gas station.

 Once inside, I brushed the rain droplets from my sleeves, and was grateful to see that there wasn’t a line at the checkout counter.

 “How can I help you, Miss?” asked the elderly gentleman that was working behind the counter.

 “The pump wouldn’t read my card. I was told to come inside to pay.”

 “I’m sorry about that. That one’s been acting up all day. Are you looking to fill her up?”

 “Yes, please. Thirty dollars should do it.”

 “Okay. Let me see here…” he trailed off in concentration, pulling his glasses down the bridge of his nose to peer at the computer screen before him. Taking my credit card, he began inputting my purchase into the register’s computer at a painstakingly slow pace.

 I tapped my foot, trying to ward off the impatience that I felt. Using the merchandise displayed at the register as a distraction, I scanned over the assortment of candy bars, beef jerky, and chewing tobacco. A pack of Big Red chewing gum caught my eye and caused me to smile wistfully in remembrance of an innocent flirtatious gesture.

 Almost instantly, pain lanced at my chest and I pushed the thought away.

 Don’t think about it.

 Acting on impulse, I grabbed the pack of cinnamon flavored gum and tossed it on the counter.

 “I’ll take this, too,” I told the gray haired cashier.

 After what seemed like forever, the man handed my credit card back to me.

 “You are all set Ms. Cole. Have a lovely evening,” he told me, taking me by surprise. Living in today’s plastic society, I didn’t think that people paid much attention to the names on credit cards anymore.

 I thanked the gentleman in return, pocketed my card and the gum, and then headed back outside to fill my tank.

 When the gas pump came to a halt, I screwed the gas cap back on to the prehistoric old Ford and hurried to get back into the car. After fastening my seatbelt, I leaned my head back against the seat, dreading the long drive home.

 Do I really want to do this commute everyday?

 I knew the answer, but I didn’t have much of a choice. Marketing jobs in New York City were proving to be almost nonexistent. When I received the call yesterday for a job interview in Stamford, I didn’t think twice about it. I woke up bright and early today, risked my life on the I-95, and completely aced the interview with LD Marketing Solutions. I was offered a job on the spot.

 The only thing left to do was accept the position.

 As if on cue, my cell pinged with an email notification. It was from the lead coordinator at LD. I opened the email and quickly scanned the contents. It was a thank you letter with a formal job proposal attached. I didn’t have to open the attachment to know what it said. They already quoted me the starting salary and benefits package. It was a sweet deal.

 Frustrated, I tossed my cell phone into my purse.

 “I just don’t know what to do,” I said aloud to the empty car.

 The reason for not immediately taking the offer from LD Marketing nagged at me as I shifted the car into drive and headed towards the interstate. Deep down, I knew that I was still undecided about the job opportunity with Turning Stone Advertising. However, the solution to that should have been obvious.

 If I wanted to avoid seeing Justin Stone, there was no way I could actually work at a company that he owned.

 Don’t think about him. Separate it and focus on the job possibilities.

 But despite the numerous lectures that I gave to myself, it was hard not to have the two coincide. While the offer from LD Marketing was a good one, the opportunity at Turning Stone was even better. I went from having zero job prospects to having two practically overnight. The problem was that the job with Turning Stone came with a major string attached to it.

 Justin.

 Crossing his path would be inevitable, and I wasn’t sure if I had the strength to withstand him. In fact, I knew that I didn’t have the strength. Our short-lived relationship was proof of it.

 He was like a drug to me – toxic and unhealthy, and so undeniably addictive.

 During the few short weeks that Justin and I spent together, something shifted inside of me. But I had yet to determine if it was for the good or for the bad. He uncovered parts of me that I hadn’t known existed, revealing dark desires that I had been unaware of. Nevertheless, I was confused over my newfound passion. I didn’t know if it was real, or if it was just something messed up in my psyche.

 But how am I supposed to know? It’s not like I have a ton of experience.

 My history with men was a short list, but it was a tainted one. The only long-term relationship that I had to date was with Trevor Hamilton; the controlling abusive asshole that had beaten and raped me.

 I shuddered as the memories threatened to resurface.

 I had stayed away from men all together after that disaster, and I had been happy.

 But was I really?

 I thought that I was until Justin Stone came into the picture. Our chance meeting had changed everything for me. I had been drawn to him from the moment I saw him. There was no refuting the carnal need that burned between us. With only one look from him, the air in the room would hiss and crackle, like the wick of a time bomb waiting to explode. So I decided to take a chance.

 However, Justin turned out to be more than I bargained for. Even then, I was willing to give it more time – to give us more time. But then Justin took me to the BDSM nightclub. I received a slap in the face from my ugly past that night, sparking a knee-jerk reaction. I wasn’t sure if that night was a blessing or a curse.

 I mean really? I hadn’t seen Trevor in two years. What were the odds of seeing him there, of all places?

 No matter what the odds were, in that instant my past and present collided. The lines became blurry and I no longer knew who I was. So I did the only thing that I could do to survive. I said goodbye to it all.

 Including Justin.

 Until I could sort things out, I had to put some distance between us.

 Distance?

 I snorted out loud at the term.

 I pretty much ran from Justin that night at Club O.

 In the days that followed, I considered going back to my shrink, but decided against it. I thought about talking to Allyson, my roommate, but there was too much that she didn’t know. I eventually came to the conclusion that I didn’t need anyone else to tell me what was wrong. I already knew. My past was interfering with my ability to be in a healthy relationship. I was the only one that could work that out. If it meant being alone for a little while longer, so be it.

 The thought of being alone again tore at my heart and a feeling of melancholy settled around me.

 Snap out of it, Cole. It’s in the past.

 The check engine light for the car flickered on. I tapped the dashboard to see if it would go off. Usually that worked, but for some reason it wasn’t this time. I pursed my lips in annoyance.

 I really need to get this car in to see what’s going on.

 The only reason I hadn’t yet was because I rarely drove the thing. Public transportation was easier and cheaper in the city so there hadn’t been a need. However, if I decided to take the job in Connecticut, I would have to look into getting a more reliable set of wheels sooner rather than later.

 I continued the drive in silence. I didn’t dare turn on the radio, as every song that I heard seemed to remind me of Justin in some way or another. Quiet was better, as I could use the time to simply think.

 Not about the past, but about my future.

I drummed my fingers on the desktop in anticipation of the video footage that should be arriving in my inbox momentarily. I had been waiting to receive it for a full solid week. But now that I knew it was finally being sent, edginess was beginning to get the best of me.

 Why I was so hell bent on seeing it was beyond me. I already convinced myself that what happened was for the best. I knew that Selena Cole and I were not cut out for one another. We were incompatible in more ways than I could count – she was nothing but a ball of sass, and I was the man that failed to dominate her. But I also knew that I had to have answers for why she so suddenly took off on me.

 You’re an idiot, Stone. Just let it go.

 I spun in my office chair and stared through the glass wall at the Manhattan skyline. I wanted to let it go, to let her go. But even after two weeks, she was still at the forefront of my mind. It was making me restless. Irritable.

 But worse – I felt empty.

 I have always been so sure of who I was and what I wanted out of life. But now, here I sat, not knowing a damn thing. I didn’t know how I had let some woman fuck it all up.

 Because she wasn’t just another woman.

 She was Selena Cole.

 My angel.

 A stab of regret sliced at my heart, annoying me beyond all belief. Regret was a sign of weakness and failure.

 That’s not who I am.

 My inbox finally pinged with the arrival of the much-anticipated email and broke me away from my thoughts. Turning back to the computer, I clicked on the link that would take me to the video feed.

 Convincing the owner of Club O to give me the video from the night that I took Selena to the exclusive nightclub had required some major finagling. For the privacy concerns of the other members, he had been reluctant to give it up. I had to call in more than just a few favors in order to obtain it.

 Thankfully the footage wasn’t that long, as we had only been in the Club for about two hours that night. The hard part was going to be locating Selena amidst the crowd of hundreds.

 I scanned the grainy black and white video and took note of the time stamp.

 21:43. That was around the time we entered The Dungeon.

 I fast-forwarded the feed to thirty minutes later, knowing exactly where we had been at that time. We were on the platform, watching a staged BDSM scene unfold below us on the dance floor. Within seconds, I was able to point out Selena. She was leaning back against my chest, her lush curls rippling over her shoulders as she took in everything that was happening below.

 I watched her face, mesmerized by her beauty, and I felt my heart constrict. I reached out and touched her face on the computer monitor.

 Fuck me, I miss her so much.

 Despite the poor quality of the video, I was still able to make out her facial expressions. She went from curious to astounded in the blink of an eye, her conflict causing me to feel another pain of regret.

 I shouldn’t have brought her there. It was too much for her.

 I shook my head, dismissing the thought that I had been repeating for two weeks.

 What’s done is done. There’s no changing it.

 I advanced the video a little more, bringing it to the time when I walked away from her to use the restroom. This was the part that interested me the most. For when I returned, Selena had changed. Something had happened during that time I stepped away. I was sure of it.

 I watched her sip her drink and tap her foot to what I assumed to be the beat of the music that could not be heard in the silent video. After a few moments, a man stepped up behind her. She glanced over her shoulder at him, but when she turned back her face was panicked.

 I hit pause and zoomed in as much as I could without distorting his facial features. He was the man that Selena and I had run into as we were exiting the club.

 The asshole.

 Who the hell is this guy to her?

 I resumed playing the video and watched when Selena turned back to him. From this angle, I could no longer see her face. However, I could see his smug expression as plain as day and it pissed me off.

 He reached out to touch her and she jerked away, causing her drink to fall out of her hand and splash all over the floor. She didn’t even seem to notice it as her arms waved about angrily.

 And he – he was obviously laughing at her.

 What did he say to her?

 I slammed my fist onto the desk, angry that I hadn’t been there to help her. Angry that she didn’t tell me who this guy was when I asked her. And angry that she had walked away from me.

 Why?

 A knock at my office door interrupted me. Bryan, my accountant, popped his head in.

 “What’s up, Bryan?” I snapped, annoyed at the disruption.

 “I just finished running the last two weeks of expense reports. It isn’t pretty, Justin,” he told me.

 I sighed and shook my head. As much as I wanted to tell him to get lost and that I didn’t give a flying shit about the expense reports, I knew that I needed a diversion from the video before I started a full out man hunt for this stranger that upset Selena. I was ready to snap, and forced myself to take a calming breath before speaking again.

 “You’re such a miser. You never think it’s pretty.” I turned back to my computer, paused the video, and switched off the monitor. “Come in, and let’s get this over with.”

 Bryan laughed.

 “That’s why you pay me the big bucks. Somebody has to keep an eye on you,” he joked, claiming the seat in front of my desk.

 “Say what you want, wise guy. But I managed just fine before taking in your sorry ass,” I told him.

 My accountant and long time friend was brilliant with numbers. If the truth were told, he was better with them than I was. I had the business head, but he was the one to keep the many financial pieces in place. Hiring him was one of the best decisions that I ever made.

 “The design consulting fee came in from Kimberly Melbourne,” Bryan began. “It’s insane. I don’t know why you use her.”

 “You know why I do,” I quipped.

 “I know, I know – because she’s the best. But even so, this is just for the consultation. You haven’t even gotten the final bill yet.”

 I waved him off, not caring about the damn bill. Making sure that the offices for Turning Stone Advertising were top notch was the concern, even if I didn’t have Selena to lead the team.

 At least for the moment.

 “You’ve made your point. What’s next?” I asked, ready to move on.

 “The property in Westchester. What’s your interest in it?”

 “I haven’t decided yet, but the price was good.”

 “You do know that it’s zoned residential, right?”

 “Of course I do,” I snapped.

 “Just checking,” he said, hands held up in mock surrender. “I know you had Laura working on obtaining the details for it. I just wanted to make sure she didn’t miss that one key fact. Lately, your focus has been on commercial properties only.”

 “Laura wouldn’t miss something that important.”

 Bryan looked pointedly at me and leaned back in his chair.

 “Hey, man. Look, let me stop being your accountant for five minutes. You’ve been in a foul mood for over a week now. What’s up?”

 “Nothing. I’m fine.”

 “That’s a load of bullshit. Matteo mentioned that you were seeing someone. Is she the reason why you’re so wound up?”

 I narrowed my eyes at him, warning him to back off.

 “Matt has a big fucking mouth. I said that I’m fine. Besides, I’m not seeing her anymore. Just drop it,” I added with finality.

 He looked at me skeptically, but picked up his file again and didn’t push it further. He thumbed through a few papers and resumed where we left off.

 Thirty minutes later, we finished going through the rest of the reports.

 “I hesitate to bring up this last thing.”

 “Just get it out, Bryan. As you pointed out, I’m already in a foul mood, so it can’t get much worse.”

 “I know this is important to you, but the money that you’re shelling out for Stone Arena is making me nervous. And before you go off half-cocked, allow me to clarify. It’s not the investment that concerns me. It’s the hefty price tag for the naming rights.”

 “We’ve been through this at least a hundred times,” I said, pursing my lips in irritation. If Bryan wasn’t my friend, I may have fired him for the sole reason of bringing the subject up again.

 “I get it. Seeing European football become mainstream in the States was your grandfather’s dream. You’ve told me all the reasons why the soccer arena is important to you. But I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t advise you against it one last time.”

 I glared at him.

 “I’ve heard you – loud and clear many times. I’m not budging on this one,” I asserted.

 “Okay, okay. It’s your money,” he conceded as he stood up to leave. “Oh, and one more thing. There is a discrepancy on one of the reports. Not with the business, but with your personal expenses. You were double charged for the Mandarin Day Spa. For some reason, it hit Justine’s expense account and your personal expense account.”

 “Justine?”

 “Yeah. I’m assuming that your sister went there last week.”

 So did Selena.

 “Yes,” I replied absently, not sure what to think about the coincidence of Selena and Justine going to the same spa. “Justine said something about planning a spa day with Suzanne.”

 “It’s no big deal. I’ll just have Laura call the Mandarin and straighten it out.”

 “Do you know what day Justine was there?” I asked, although I was fairly certain of the answer.

 Bryan began riffling through his spreadsheets.

 “She was there on Saturday. Two weeks ago. Why?”

 “The charges are correct. Selena was also there that day, and her expenses were charged to my account.”

 Bryan raised his eyebrows in surprise.

 “Selena? Is that the name of the girl you were seeing? I didn’t realize it was that serious.”

 “It wasn’t. And when you pass by Laura, please tell her to come in here,” I added dismissively.

 I was suddenly in a rush to get him out of my office. A few pieces to the puzzle were starting to fit together and I was overwhelmed with a sense of urgency to put them all together.

 A few minutes later, my PA knocked on the office door.

 “Mr. Stone, Bryan said that you wanted to see me?”

 “Yes, Laura. Two things. I want an update on the Westchester deal emailed to me by the end of the day tomorrow. Also, find the phone number for Allyson Ramsey. She works for Ethan DeJames, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to track her down. Once you have it, send it to my phone.”

 “Yes, sir. Anything else?”

 “No. That’s it. I’ll be leaving here shortly and may be tied up for the rest of the night. Route anything of importance through Hale and he’ll get in touch with me if it needs my immediate attention.”

 “Will do. Enjoy the night, Mr. Stone.”

 “Thank you, Laura.”

 Once she was gone, I turned back to my computer and the video feed I had been watching. I backed up the footage by a few minutes and took a screen shot of the man that was harassing Selena at Club O. After sending the image to my cell phone, I powered down the computer, grabbed my suit jacket, and made my way out to the parking garage that was attached to my building.

 Climbing into the Tesla, I reached for my phone and was happy to see that Laura was able to obtain Allyson’s number so quickly.

 Here goes nothing.

 I dialed the number and hoped that my instincts were correct.

 “This is Ally. How can I help you?” she answered.

 “Allyson, it’s Justin Stone.”

 There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment before she spoke again.

 “I’m at work, Justin.”

 “I figured. We need to talk. Alone.”

 “About what? I mean, other than the fact that Selena has been acting weird.”

 “Weird? In what way?”

 “She’s just not herself. Selena tells me everything, but she’s been really tight lipped. And then this morning, she took off for a job interview in Stamford, and I was like – whoa! What happened to Turning Stone? What’s going on with you two, Justin?”

 “We had a bit of a...” I trailed off, feeling somewhat shocked that Allyson knew nothing about Selena and I splitting. I tried to think of the best way to summarize things. “It’s a long story. And honestly, I don’t really know what happened.”

 “Okay, buddy. Now you’ve got me worried. What did you do to her?” she accused.

 Why is it always the guy’s fault?

 I glanced at the clock. It was going on four.

 “I can be to you by four-thirty. I might be able to shed some light on a few things. Maybe together, we can figure out what’s going on in that stubborn brain of hers.”

 “Oh, so now she’s stubborn? You listen to me, Sto –,”

 “Allyson, please,” I cut her off. “Trust me on this.”

 I could sense her hesitation, but fortunately she agreed before I had to do something more drastic.

 “Make it five o’clock. I still have a few things to wrap up here,” she informed me.

 “Fine. See you then.”

   ****

     I sat double parked in front of Ethan DeJames. Horns blared at me in frustration, but I didn’t give a rat’s ass. It was ten minutes after five. Allyson was late. I was normally a patient man, but I found my patience running thin at that moment. I tapped my thumb on the steering wheel in irritation.

 When she finally came out of the building fifteen minutes later, it was all I could do to not lose my mind on her when she climbed into the passenger seat.

 “Sorry. I was dealing with a temperamental model,” Allyson apologized as she climbed into the passenger seat. “They always think they know best. Geez, it’s freezing outside!”

 She ran her hands up and down her arms to ward off the chill.

 “Here. Take my coat,” I offered, shrugging out of my suit jacket.

 “Thanks,” she said, not hesitating to take the jacket from me. “It was warmer this morning. I didn’t know that the temperature would drop so much or else I would have worn a coat today.”

 “No problem. We’ve been spoiled with the warm weather up until now,” I said casually, trying to ease into a conversation with a bit of small talk. “I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me.”

 Suddenly all business, Allyson turned and looked incisively at me.

 “Cut the BS, Justin. What’s going on?”

 A straight shooter. Good. I don’t want to pussyfoot around anymore than you do, sweetheart.

 I went right to it and showed her the screen shot from the Club O video feed. Her face instantly paled, and I felt my stomach drop. The man in the picture was probably exactly who I feared it was, but I had to ask nonetheless.

 “Who is this?” I asked.

 “Where did you get this?” she returned rather than answer me.

 “It’s a screen shot of the video feed from a club that I took Selena to.”

 “I don’t know who it is. You’ll have to ask Selena.”

 She pressed her lips together into a stubborn line, stared out the windshield, and wouldn’t say more.

 “Don’t play games with me. I have a master's degree in psychology and you’re a terrible liar. I can tell by your face that you know who it is.”

 Allyson’s head whipped around so fast that I would be surprised if she didn’t strain a muscle.

 “Don’t try to psychoanalyze me, Stone,” she bit out. “I say that you should ask Selena because this isn’t my story to tell. You want answers, ask her.”

 “I believe that I already know the answer,” I replied calmly. “I just need you to confirm.”

 “You don’t know anything.”

 “Actually, I do. Selena filled me in on her past and how she was raped.”

 “She told you that?”

 Her eyes flashed with hurt, and I instantly realized my mistake. Selena told me that she never shared the details of her horrific experience with anyone else. And that included Allyson. I had been the only one that she told.

 “Yes. It was difficult for her, but she did eventually tell me. Don’t look so hurt over it, though. There’s a reason why she did.”

 “Really? Because I can’t think of why she would confide in you, someone who is practically a stranger,” she spat out accusingly.

 She turned to look out the windshield again and crossed her arms. Whether it was in anger or because she felt wounded, I couldn’t be sure. I only knew that I didn’t have time to worry about her ego just then.

 “Allyson, look at me,” I ordered. When she turned back, I was as blunt as possible in order to make her understand. “She told me because she was afraid that she couldn’t give me what I wanted – her submission.”

 She raised one eyebrow at me, looking as if I had sprouted antlers. At the very least, her surprise told me that Selena never divulged anything to Allyson about what we did behind closed doors.

 She shook her head in disbelief.

 “This is a flipping joke, right?”

 “No, it’s not a joke. I’m a Dominant.”

 “Oh, well doesn’t this just get better and better!” she exclaimed, tossing her hands up in the air. “How in the hell did Selena get herself mixed up with you? I can’t believe I didn’t know! Wait – I did know! But then she backtracked on what she said and… Either way, I dismissed it all. I wasn’t paying close enough attention to her. This is bad. I’m a terrible friend! To go from not dating anyone for years, to messing around with a Dominant! I’m sure she had no idea about what she was getting herself into!”

 Interrupting the mini rant that she was having with herself, I held the phone out for her to see the screen shot again.

 “Allyson, chill out. Selena is a big girl and she can make decisions without consulting you first,” I said dryly. “I didn’t force her to do anything that she didn’t want to do. But now, I’m really worried about her. Especially since I now know that she didn’t talk to you about the night we went to Club O. Is the name of the man in this picture Trevor?”

 She stared at the picture for a few moments before seeming to come to a decision.

 “Yes. That’s him. Trevor Hamilton,” she finally said. “Now are you going to tell me why he was in the same place as you and Selena?”

 I exhaled the breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding. I had hoped that my suspicions were wrong about who the guy was in the picture, and I was overwhelmed with guilt over leaving Selena alone to deal with that monster. I wanted nothing more than to get to her. To hold her. To tell her that everything would be okay.

 I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat, not wanting to get into the long sordid tale of how Selena was driven to walk away from me.

 “It’s too long of a story, Allyson” I tried to dismiss.

 “Well, it’s about a twenty minute drive back to my place. You can tell me about it on the way.”

 I admired her tenacity, even if it was grating on my nerves. Knowing that I wasn’t going to put off this incorrigible woman, I didn’t hesitate with my response.

 “You’ll get the abbreviated version. Deal?”

 “Deal.”

 Putting the car in drive, I merged into traffic and began giving her a brief synopsis about my relationship with Selena, and how we came to be at Club O.

 By the time we pulled up to the apartment building that Selena and Allyson shared, I had come to the end of the story. Somehow, I managed to tell the tale without revealing the complication of my mother and father. I wasn’t going to get into that with her, especially since Selena didn’t know the whole truth.

 Once I had successfully squeezed the Tesla in between two cars on the curbside, I turned to face Allyson. She had been silent the entire time that I was speaking, but her expression was thoughtful. It was as if she were trying to piece it all together, just like I had been.

 “After we argued for a few minutes, she got out of the car and walked away. I haven’t heard from her since,” I finished.

 “That’s it? I mean, you didn’t go after her?”

 “It was a difficult moment. She said things, and I wasn’t thinking straight.”

 “Have you spoken to her at all since that night?”

 “No. Our only communication was a few texts that I sent her about the job at Turning Stone. I wanted to let her know that it was still on the table, but she never replied back,” I said and pursed my lips in annoyance. Selena’s lack of response had infuriated me. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. I know that I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have let her walk away in the first place.”

 “Yeah, dumbass. You can say that again,” she said, but there was no real heat in her words. Only sadness.

 “I’m going to get her back, Allyson.”

 “I like you, Justin. I don’t know why,” she said with a frown. “You’re nothing but one giant sack of bad news for Selena. But I can tell that you really care for her. Your eyes soften when you talk about her. She won’t be easy to win over again. She’s stubborn as a mule.”

 I laughed at that.

 “Trust me, I know it!”

 “Wishing you luck won’t make a damn bit of –,” she was cut off by the ringing of her cell phone. “Well, speak of the devil.”

 “Selena is calling you?” I asked quickly.

 “Yeah. So?”

 “Don’t tell her I’m with you. I haven’t decided how I’m going to play this yet.”

 She threw a strange look at me before pulling her phone out of her purse.

 “Hey, doll,” she said into the receiver. After a few minutes she spoke again. “Time for you to dump that hunk of junk, Selena. But yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 She ended the call and tossed the phone back into her purse.

 “What was that about?” I asked.

 “Her piece of crap car broke down on I-95. I have to go and get her.”

 Instantly, the play that I had been looking for fell onto my lap. I seized the opportunity.

 “Let me go to get her.”

 “Hell, no! Are you nuts? Talk about an ambush!” she exclaimed and shook her head back and forth rapidly.

 “Allyson, I need time with her.”

 “She’ll want to kill me!”

 “And then she’ll get over it. Trust me.”

 “Do you use that line on her? ‘Trust me’ with that smooth voice of yours?”

 I smirked at her mocking tone, and for some reason she found it humorous.

 “Are you laughing at me?”

 “Yes, Stone. I think I am. But you’re right. You and Selena need to figure this thing out. I’m worried about her. She hasn’t been acting like herself for a while now. Go get her and I’ll deal with the fall out later.”

 I smiled then, happy that I managed to convince her to my way of thinking. I knew that winning back Selena’s affection was going to take some work, but Allyson may prove to be an asset to me.

 “I’ll try to soften the blow for you,” I said with a wink.

 She opened the door to climb out of the car. But before she shut it, she leaned back down, her face becoming serious.

 “Take my advice, Justin. Go slow. Baby steps. As strong as Selena can be, she is also fragile. You’ll have to tread carefully on the stepping stones to her heart.”

o