#is more connected to culture and expectation. bc see: how world records change and are broken Because we have something to strive to reach

[irlnikeiyomiuri]

sometimes i get jumpscared w people who have such wildly different understandings of things than i do and its Scary

[sinagrace]

Iceman’s been back on my mind lately. It started with the internet rumor that Shia Labeouf was being considered to play the role of Bobby Drake in a Marvel Cinematic Universe version of the X-Men. My DMs and @Mentions on social media were a mixture of intense reaction and then asking my take on who would make a great Bobby Drake (for the record: in my head I always saw him as a younger Antoni Porowski with a theater background, ‘cuz playing the funny guy with a vulnerable streak requires serious acting shops). My mind went back to the time of BC, when I was doing a lot of touring, and answering this very question because of my work on the Iceman book at Marvel. One thing led to another, and I decided to take a trip further down memory lane to look at my favorite volume of the series: Amazing Friends. Now, I know I’ve spent equal amounts of time publicly stating what a gift working on Iceman was, while also calling out the challenges that came with the experience, but the third volume really was a pure blessing. I was able to take every valuable lesson I learned as a writer, and apply it to telling a story that would be interesting to one person: Me. I’ve been a lifelong X-Men fan, I live and breathe comics, so my own expectations for a return to the series seemed like the only ones to really worry about meeting/ surpassing. The first two volumes had been so bogged down by rotating editors, complex continuity, company-wide events, multiple artists… The third volume was my chance to focus on what an Iceman series was outside of so much context. All that mattered was challenging myself to do an X-Men story that focused on the aspects of the franchise I felt were valuable and relevant, meaning: excuses to have Emma Frost be an asshole and finding an opportunity to make fun of Kitty Pryde’s haircut. Before moving on from Marvel, Axel Alonso made time to call me for a pep talk about the series. I wanted to get the series extended, and he wanted to help me succeed with the ten issues he could commit to. First, he offered an eleventh issue to give me more time on the stands. He took a look at everything I had planned, and basically told me to restructure with an eye for ramping up the pace. My writing background comes from prose and essays/ think pieces… both of which are methodical and provide some allowance from the reader to really take your time and set up the world before diving into the meat. That’s not the case with comics. You gotta work fast. Especially in today’s market, there is less and less room for a retailer to say, “give it two volumes, because shit starts really coming together by the third trade.” That was literally my speech for hooking people on such iconic series as Invincible, Fables, and Strangers in Paradise. Nowadays, every single issue is not a brick to be laid down as foundation so much as a bullet in your gun. Conflicting imagery, but that’s the point. Axel told me to think about the Big Moments in my life and sort out how to inject the mutant metaphor into it and make the most compelling comic book story I could. This was epic advice that I took with me into the new arc, but I struggled a bit with what could be bigger than the “coming out” storyline in volume one. Love was off the table because I wanted to keep Bobby single and ready to mingle. Death was off the table too, because my editor felt like we’d done enough with Bobby’s parents in the first two volumes. Upon looking at my own life, and considering the stuff me and my friends were dealing with, I landed on something a bit more reflective than LIFE or DEATH. I wanted to focus on that moment when a gay guy looks outside of himself and realizes the folks around him may not have it so easy. After everything we’ve been dealing with this summer, Iceman’s “big issue” of the arc feels oddly prescient. Bobby Drake had to reconcile his accidental complicit role in keeping the Morlocks down, and he has to investigate new approaches to being a better ally to those who don’t want to or can’t live under the protection of the X-Men. I used the Morlocks to allegorically speak to the issues that the trans/ NB community face today. Considering that trans folks are facing higher rates of homelessness and murder than other members of the LGBTQIA+ community, all I needed to do was find a perfect villain to treat the Morlocks as “lesser-than.” Cue Mister Sinister, who I wrote as particularly Darwinist with a major flair for interactive theater. While Amazing Friends definitely is the most fun I’ve had working on the book, it was also full of the heaviest shit I’ve written about. I’m so grateful that my editor let me use Emma Frost for a story about the trauma of gay conversion therapy with her brother Christian, but I’m still annoyed he wouldn’t let me put her in a sickening Givenchy outfit for her reveal. Similarly, creating the Madin character required that I chat with several mental healthcare professionals and members of the NB community to respectfully portray them as a resilient and fleshed out hero. I included personal lessons that I learned from years of the therapy (the sandcastle / sea image, a Jay Edidin fave moment). My editor and I weren’t always aligned, but we definitely were on each other’s side. He understood what I was trying to do and asked questions when something flew over his head, and he even had the good instincts to stop me from going too heavy handed with the ending. My original idea for the arc’s finale was to have Bobby become permanently scarred in his fight with Sinister, where he’d have a cool ice gash running across his face or something, a la Squall from Final Fantasy 8. The goal was to show Iceman stripping himself of his ability to pass as non-mutant to save the Morlocks, but the Mutant Pride fight scene being a stand-in for the Stonewall Riots kind of already made enough of a statement. Plus, no one in editorial wanted to deal with remembering to track his scar in other books. At first I tried to balk at his point of view, but when I looked over my original notes for the series, the point was to focus on optimism and hope. Giving Bobby a permanent scar and emphasizing the notion of sacrifice was too bleak a message for a series wherein the hero carbo-loads hoagies while riding an ice scooter and mutant drag queens emcee local festivals. Of course, the crowning achievement of the series… my mutant drag queen :) I’ve witnessed a lot when it comes to the world of pop culture and myth-making, and I 100% believe that you can’t plan the success of something. I’ve seen bands forced into breaking up because labels spend six figures failing at making listeners connect with an album. I witnessed firsthand how The Walking Dead was built from relatively humble beginnings as a buzzy cable drama into a literal international phenomenon over the course of its first three seasons. Everyone hopes for the best, but you never know how something will land with audiences. When the Shade character took off, I was truly astounded. Things I posted on Instagram while half-asleep became official quotes on major news sites. Queens and cosplayers were interpreting her like Margot Robbie had unveiled a new Harley Quinn lewk. The impact was so legit and immediate that we had to jump in and give Shade a proper Marvel hero alias, to truly welcome her into the X-Men canon. Hence the name change to Darkveil. (Funny story: I tried to fight hard for Madame X as an alias, but CB didn’t want another Agent X / “X-Name” character. Three months later, Madonna announced the Madame X album. Phew!) There was a time where I felt uncertain that the folks in charge at Marvel would bring Darkveil into any stories outside of the ones I wrote. My understanding was that Hickman was like the Cylons and had A Plan-- one that didn’t include her character. I made peace with my contribution to the Marvel Universe being contained, but then someone on social media pointed out that Darkveil showed up in an issue of Marvel Voices. After breaking down and reading Hickman’s House of X, I saw that his Plan was one of endless possibilities, and that he was moving EVERY character into new and dynamic places. I have hope now that he sees the possibilities with Darkveil, and takes advantage of her and all of her many body pouches. Amazing Friends really is my favorite thing I’ve done for the Big Two. I made a lifelong friend out of artist Nate Stockman (DC, please hire us for a Plasticman book), and I got to run a victory lap with the most encouraging and supportive readers out there. It was worth every dreadful conversation, every shitty thing a person said to me online, and all of the fun nonsense that goes into being creative for a living. Being stuck at home in quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on the gift that my career to date has been, and I feel so grateful to be where I am today. Other people may groan when they have to talk about something they’ve moved on from, but not me. I made people happier, I got to work with my favorite characters at Marvel, and and I'll say it again: it’s a frickin’ gift to make people move from your work. So, I will engage every tweet or message asking me my thoughts about who should play Bobby Drake in the Marvel Cinematic Universe… I’ll just never have a good answer.

[sroloc--elbisivni]

*sits down* *pours a glass of water* *pours one for scott westerfeld* *sips*

so here’s my pitch for an adaptation of Uglies specifically and the Uglies quartet* more generally. vague spoilers. i can’t figure out how to make the readmore work anymore so hit J or start scrolling fast.

*theoretically it’s a trilogy with a bonus novel, but I fuckin love Extras.

First, it’s a webseries, because Hollywood refuses to  option a series brutally dissecting the culture of cosmetic surgery and brainwashing through a dystopian lens (gee I wonder why).

The first few videos are amateur vlogging, taking us through the first part of Uglies, aka “Tally and Shay fuck around and find out.” it’s their shared dark web youtube channel, maybe it’s uploaded to the Crims’ private server or something and as bonus content sometimes we see videos that Shay made with Zane before the Crims cut out. either way we have to be convinced, as an audiences, that the girls are sure this is secure. The scene with Paris is never in-video, or if it is it’s just audio of Tally recording herself breaking into the party, so we don’t see the Pretties.

anyway. Tally’s hoverboarding saga, the hypothetical makeover side, sneaking out to the ruins, the good shit. it’s a webseries from the PoV of two kids who don’t know too much about making videos so shots are limited and we can really lean into the suggestions of this world instead of trying to build whole sets.

use of CGI, but only for detail work, leaning into the uncanny valley, making the world of Tally’s city very clean and polished, too clean, and putting skeletons in the Rusty Ruins.

the hoverboarding-down-a-roller-coaster has to be in there, preferably filmed on a GoPro equivalent, but if there isn’t enough budget we cut away from a painted shot of the ruins where Tally’s at the top into static bc the camera went too fast and then it’s Tally and Shay losing their minds with the adrenaline comedown and they kiss nope where was i

Shay’s letter--i can’t remember if it being on paper was a plot point in the books but I’m really feeling video message, ideally uploaded to the same channel, and then when Special Circumstances drop the bomb on Tally we as the audience go oh shit. they’ve seen everything.

this is where the mode of the story changes--no more amateur vlogging, now it’s Tally recording reports for SC. They’re not transmitted, so we just get this video diary of Tally’s trip, a little camera running the whole time, and then....I'm not sure whether it’s Tally talking to herself to vent her feelings, or the footage is cut together as a summary and the video is prefaced with a Very Official Special Circumstances report, so it’s like a debriefing.

The Smoke. That whole thing. the very last part is chaos and confusion and found footage. >:)

PART 3, which is Tally’s video diary of the whole next part of the trip with David. This part is more edited, more condensed, than the earlier parts, and the connecting throughline isn’t always clear. some of it is just the two of them talking, some of it is long epic scenery shots, some of it is after everything goes down and they get Shay back and they’re having these Very Serious Discussions, and those are shot like...the camera is being the record. except for where it isn’t.

SPEAKING OF SHAY. if it’s at all possible to pull this off, Shay is cast with two different actors, one for the first two thirds and one for the last third (and most of Pretties). The first Shay is an actual teenager, zits and all, not a beauty by any means. The second Shay is classic Hollywood cast-a-20-something-as-a-teen, rounded out with makeup to be just inside the uncanny valley. surrounded by everyone else, who’s been living in the woods. This should be the most jarring thing.

The last video is a discussion of informed consent, and the making the plan happens largely offscreen so then there’s a long sequence of Tally hoverboarding back to the city (shot by drone) where she’s just narrating, and the leadup to the ‘make me pretty’ penny dropping that oh. This is Tally leaving a message for herself and she’s not sure who she’s going to be when she watches it.

PRETTIES. Less of an outline on this one, but it works from the same framework of three parts, three storytelling styles--the first part is total Instagram Influencer, professional vlogging, glitz and party culture. The camera is floating now so Tally’s always in frame. Same trick pulled with Tally’s actor so you’re looking at actual different people. Tally and Shay are dating but the conflict is them both refusing to talk about whether this is a casual thing or an actual relationship so when the thing with zane happens it’s a mess.

when tally and zane start looking for the pills, that’s when it flips back to a narration style similar to Uglies, where Tally’s carrying the camera and they’re documenting their crazy adventures, thumbing their noses at SC. maybe it’s also intercut with like, news stories, because trying to film the ice rink scene would be bananas. unreliable narration as they try to pretend they’re completely law abiding.

 from the balloon and onwards, it’s all found footage. maybe anthropological stuff of the village, official reports, and then those end with the camera falling to the floor as the anthropologist is like ‘you’re not supposed to be--’ but we do make it all the way to the camp and the Specials showing up, and this is where the CGI comes in again to get just that over the edge of weird badwrong.

Specials is a mix of surveillance footage, recorded reports, and callbacks to the Crims’ channel in Uglies--at least one shot-for-shot remake but way more dangerous. sometimes the camera is just left running on a log in their campsite and no one even notices, and this is the tragedy, they’ve grown so used to their lives being recorded that they don’t even bother to care.

From Tally going down in Deigo until her message at the end, she doesn’t appear on screen, but she does carry the camera in to her saying goodbye to zane.

HEY REMEMBER HOW I LOVE EXTRAS? EXTRAS IS A MOVIE.

by this point there’s enough following and enough buildup that you might actually get a movie out of this, especially since it’s tackling things that are less explicitly ‘societally expected body modification is bad.’

it’s also dissecting the meta narrative that’s been set up throughout the webseries--it starts with Aya recording herself talking to Moggle, and then we zoom out, getting Moggle in the shot, and from there it’s just leaning into the wild fucking scope of this book. mag lev train? hell yeah. mountain?? hell yeah. the flaws in a society obsessed with reputation and vlogging which cannot be successfully explored within that medium??? hell YEAH. I FUCKING LOVE EXTRAS.

I personally think it would be very cool and narratively sexy if the entire thing was subtitled in English and the characters spoke in Japanese except where they switch into English, like in the book, but I also get like....familiarity and the danger of exoticizing. but driving home that this is the whole world that lives like this.

footage from the webseries is recut and narrated over into something more professional, and interspersed with the movie to catch up people who haven’t watched the webseries, and also to show how the narrative of history gets cleaned up. but if it’s done right, three things should happen:

We barely see anything of Tally’s Ugly days and the Smoke. There are shots of her chatting with her friends and laughing, way back from the Ugly days or the Pretty ones, but we never hear her voice except for the final letter

Shay and the rest of the Crims get important footing in the narrative but Zane is nowhere to be seen.

everyone in the audience, including people who haven’t read the books or watched the webseries, should LOSE THEIR MINDS when she shows up

There’s a post-credits scene of everyone covered in cake after it exploded.

*pauses to drink water* in conclusion give me licensing rights and a good director.

[captainsupernoodle]

@wolfsrainrules @north-peach IT’S HERE!!

This is very long????????????

(also writing this really drove home another one of those moments where i'm just like “what the FLIP I have FAMILY as young as this hero WHAT ARE THE GROWNUPS DOING”)

Ichigo is immediately like “a person who Knows Things! Who's willing to Tell Me Those Things!” and sits down and lays out everything he's been mentally and not-so-mentally screaming about since he got STABBED with a SWORD and got up with MAGIC POWERS. Byakuya eventually meanders them to his estate and orders tea and half of soul society feels Judged even though they're not sure where it's coming from. Byakuya is massively unimpressed with Everything.

Whether this is right after the first invasion or later would change some things, but in any era what the fallout mostly boils down to is the Gotei freaking out because suddenly! The super-powerful kid they've had running around is asking questions! And doing things!! Legally!!!

Ichigo puts Byakuya on speed dial on his soul phone and calls him up every time he thinks of a problem or someone tries harassing him or Isshin says something that just. Doesn't add up.

And eventually he just starts calling Byakuya to yell about shinigami nonsense around town (his bedroom is no longer marked as a safe house, has the esteemed Gotei 13 fallen so low–), about theories and experiments he's doing to adapt kido to his reiatsu levels, about history and science and reishi architecture and whatever else catches his interests, and Byakuya pretty much always picks up, even if it's just to tell him that he's in a meeting and setting a time for them to talk, and when he visits soul society he has friends who are eager to see him but he always spends some time at Byakuya's.

(more under the cut!)

Byakuya is quick to invite him into the Kuchiki library, and they spend many afternoons and evenings just sitting quietly, Ichigo tearing through scrolls and records, Byakuya doing paperwork or reading, and sometimes Ichigo will ask a question or Byakuya will point out that this author over here expounds on that point in the book you're reading, and they'll have intellectual debates over hasty bites out of their dinner and the staff is Scandalized by the young lord taking books to the table but after the first three times they got up in the middle of eating bc byakuya was trying to enforce Decorum ichigo just brought his books with him and then byakuya had to get up to reference something and it was just too much trouble. The head servant whatever is just like fine! fine, at least they're not eating in the library, who knows what might happen with a Shiba in the works, at least the young lord still has a grip on his temper.

And it is funny to anyone who sees them together -- it took a little while because Ichigo isn't actually in SS all that often, he usually trains in the bunker and Kisuke is about all the mad scientist he can handle, but he comes to hang with Renji & other friends on some weekends -- but they actually do get along like a house on fire after byakuya flipped the "mentor" switch and let his guard down enough to keep getting sucked into heated debates. Ichigo's not a rebel, necessarily, in that he's not out there constantly looking for reasons to pick fights with anyone, he just doesn't let anyone pick fights with him or his friends and also goes "well that's stupid" with... pretty much any kind of unjust authority and law. It drives Byakuya a bit bonkers but he channels it into "educate the unfortunately misinformed future clan head" instead of immediate senbonzakura-ing. Trouble is that Ichigo is entirely ready for friendly debate throw-downs and yeah, maybe he doesn't have a law degree, but execution without a trial for trying to protect people, byakuya, really?

And this is where a little of the cultural confusion comes through, because Byakuya is intellectually aware that Ichigo is human but it doesn't really affect much beyond Ichigo being from somewhere else and being unfamiliar with soul society. And he's like, mostly adult-shaped, right? He's bigger than Toshiro, and most souls that look like Ichigo are already out doing things, even if they're still pretty closely connected with home, and he acts young sometimes but most of the time he's at Byakuya's level, just less experienced, which is to be expected given shinigami aging. So Byakuya answers any questions he has and applies pressure in ichigo's favor when needs be in the background, and otherwise lets Ichigo come to him and generally be independent.

And this works for Ichigo! He's been independent for years, wrongfully so, but he still has more life experience than most kids his age and is fiercely independent on top of that, so having someone to lean on is both novel and avoids being suffocating or condescending. A lot of the time he wants help – he already has more independence than he really wanted, and he's mostly adjusted to it, but it doesn't stop him from wanting some of that support that he's been lacking for so long, and that Byakuya is freely offering.

And eventually he figures out that he's started telling Byakuya things he hasn't told anyone else – questions about hollows eventually led to offhand mention of his hollowfication, and oh right, he'd actually kind of attacked Byakuya with his hollow mask, he'd probably want an explanation for that and even as chill as he's been so far the soul society anti-hollow rhetoric has gotta come into play somewhere with a noble –

Except Byakuya doesn't push. He never pushes. Even with that first offer, he was just laying out an option that Ichigo could take if he needed it, and he followed through when Ichigo took him up on it.

So he has a bit of a crisis and is a little more scowly than usual, but his sisters and friends know what it looks like when he's thinking really hard about something and leave him be, and he takes some long walks with Chad, just turning over what's been happening in his head and considering.

(Byakuya's been one of his people since he got his head screwed on straight, but Ichigo knows he has a tendency to latch on in ways that most people don't reciprocate, and it's okay. His friends have gone to war with him for someone they barely knew, they trust him, and he can lean on Chad most times, and it's good, it's good to have friends and precious people to protect.

But Byakuya isn't looking for his protection, or for someone to follow, or to spar with or experiment on or manipulate.

He's just – there.)

His thinking doesn't change much. He's already confided more in Byakuya than he has with anyone, because before hollows and Soul Society his friend group was all human teenagers doing teenager things, and Chad was sorely needed relief from a chaotic home life but he was still Ichigo's age, didn't have answers to a lot of the questions Ichigo's been shoving deep ever since his mom died. Byakuya doesn't press, doesn't judge, thinks deeply before speaking, but Ichigo always knows he's listening.

It's. It's good. It's really good.

And I guess I have a timeframe after all because Ichigo's really been there and back by the time of the Winter War. Byakuya sent his sister and his lieutenant to support Ichigo before he'd even been denied help to rescue Orihime, and came to Hueco Mundo himself, and listened again when Ichigo came to him, glaring and stiff, and slowly, quietly told him about dying and coming back less than human, fear in the faces of his friends and enemies, about seeing a soul – a person – crumble at his own hands.

Byakuya gets a hint, then, that Ichigo isn't quite the same as a soul. Souls might go entire lives only in soul society, from birth to death, but even souls who grow naturally rather than coming from the Living World are in some ways static, slightly less flexible in some fundamental way than those in the Living World. He does a little asking around, and Ichigo is so young even by human standards – Soul Society has been leaning on him like he's as old as his power levels suggest, in a place where passive reiatsu output is often more accurate than physical appearance, and all this time he's not even fully developed as a person, is still soft and learning how to exist in the world.

Byakuya has his own crisis right about then, and I'm playing fast and loose with timelines because I don't even remember most of the show, so in this au we're in a waiting period after clashing with the Espada just enough to get Orihime back – all the shinigami are alive, Grimmjow is licking his wounds-presumed-dead, tragic batman is dead, harribel and the tres bestias are not wearing battle bikinis cool, uuuuuuuum I think???? the vizard already happened before the grand desert slaycation??? Byakuya has a few belated heart attacks when he hears about training and the dangers thereof even though he's been privy to & helping with Ichigo's solo experiments with the hollow mask, and after Orihime is back and the shinigami do whatever sneaky sneak they've been planning or however it was they figured out about the time limit or whyever they wait for the Karakura pillars fiasco instead of, idunno, trying to prevent the megalomaniac from keeping hold of the magic rock….

ANYWAY there's a quiet period and Byakuya has his oh crap i'm a dad crisis and eventually is just like this is a literal child but he's proved himself time and time again that he's capable and wouldn't appreciate anyone butting in on his business uninvited, so instead he's sneaky about it. Most of his sneaking reveals that things are about like Ichigo's described, he has school and friends and training (urahara probably notices his snooping but he's certainly not the one filling in for Isshin's catastrophic failures in parenting, and maybe he sees the need or maybe he just isn't bothered enough to do something about being spied on, and he never interferes or tells kurosaki). Okay, this is fine, if everyone else is a complete and utter failure of a parent then he'll have to fill in whatever Ichigo hasn't covered himself. He gets an actually competent shinigami to cover Karakura, gets a copy of his school schedule and keeps people from harassing him near tests, is even more stringent with fronting central 46's stupidity and Very Firmly, At Risk of Murder cuts off all possible contact between Kurotsushi and Ichigo's people (and may start quietly grooming nemu to take over the 12th but nobody can prove it).

Things are bopping along, and then we have whatever permutation of the winter war that happens in this AU. Byakuya's been busy with the Grand Karakura Relocation or whatever the plan is and reinforcing his division, whipping them into shape after centuries of nothing but low-level hollows, and he knows that Ichigo's doing the same and he isn't concerned when they have less time to communicate.

Then Aizen.

I never actually watched the interim between the hundreds of episodes of vs arrancar fights and the butterfly beatdown but i'm assuming that everybody's tied up elsewhere or else they wouldn't have let a SINGLE 15YO fight aizen on his own, right? RIGHT???

Anyway in THIS fic that's the way it works, and while urahara and some of the other captains/ whoever's fighting fit, free, and not gonna die just from standing near the powerhouses lends a hand, so Byakuya is busy but not really worried bc Ichigo is a proven warrior and he has backup and for all his unexpected fondness, byakuya is still a military man and he Compartmentalizes.

Except then Ichigo's power rises and rises and rises again, and then all at once disappears.

Byakuya promptly flips his lid and Aizen goes into the box a bit more shredded than he did in the og timeline.

Everybody else gets the idea pretty quickly and flings Ichigo at Byakuya, who figures out what happened very fast and immediately decides Isshin has lost all rights to anything, ever. Ichigo is kept abreast of all developments in the efforts to get his powers back and NOBODY leaves him to his own devices for two years because Byakuya is persistently present and Isshin is on his shit list big time so he takes great joy in thwarting him at every turn.

I haven't watched or read the Ginjo arc at all but from what I gather they sneak in while Ichigo's isolated so there's a solid chance all that mess gets cut off at the knees.

Byakuya may or may not have an apartment and double life as a reclusive rich businessman in the Living World so that Ichigo has a place to stay when Isshin is Too Much, maybe the welcome eventually gets expanded to Chad and Orihime and the twins, but whatever goes on after Aizen, Byakuya is there and backing Ichigo up.

[pavcrti]

chicago’s very own pavarti kumari has been spotted on madison avenue driving a rose gold model x , welcome ! your resemblance to mishti rahman is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty fifth  birthday bash .  your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re fiery , but being eloquent might help you . i think being a pieces explains that .  3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be fresh fields of lavender that expand into a cotton candy sky , the reflection of the sun caught in the glimmer of a crystal , rhyming couplets professing deep - seeded emotion . ( i ghost write songs for artists who like to claim they write their own work . ) & ( cis female + she / her  ) +  ( emily , 25 , sher / her , pst )

holy shit , it’s ya girl . i’m back after needing a bit of a break from being in a group . and bc i honestly adored this place sm and i made so many great friends here i am back . . . 👀 i expect plots with each and every one of u btw so u best deliver . i desperately wanna get this finished before i pass the fuck out . i’ll be joining the server in the morning , but in the meantime if u wanna be my friend  👀 👀 titsiana praises satan#7989

    biography .

name : pavarti kumari 

age : twenty five

gender : cisfemale

zodiac : pieces 

sexuality : bisexual 

profession : singer / songwriter 

hair color : black

eye color : brown

piercings : both lobes , nose 

tattoos : none

voice claim : jhene aiko

released albums : sail out ( ep ) , trip 

miss pavarti was born in bangladesh . her parents are both 100% bangladeshi and immigrated to chicago when pavarti was four years old . she had an older brother who was five years older than her . his name was siva .her family traveled back every summer so she is very immersed in the culture of her homeland and is a very spiritual person as a result . from a young age , pavarti had a fascination with the english language . not only was it so complex , but there was so much that could be done with it as well . she loved poetry and different types of prose . she also developed an absolute adoration for hip hop as a result . she’s been able to work several of her lyrical inspirations in her albums , something she would’ve never anticipated growing up as an immigrant child . when she entered middle school , she joined the school choir as an extra curricular activity which is what inspired her love for music and introduced her to her vocal talents . within time , she began combining her inclination for poetry with her voice . she wrote her first song at thirteen and began to freestyle for her friends . unfortunately , she was never taken too seriously by her peers . she was a female , hardly the usual suspect for the rnb , soul vibe that her voice conveys . before she graduated high school , her brother siva was killed in a car crash . the unexpected death of her best friend and protector sent pavarti into a spiral . this begun her tendency to alter her reality to escape from her pain with the help of drugs . she frequently writes about her brother in her music . when she was eighteen , she was discovered , ironically , by a manager of a local rapper at a poetry slam she was performing at . she impressed him and he introduced her to his client . this is how pavarti entered the hip hop scene , albeit , in secret . in hip hop , it’s very custom for performers to write the tracks that they put out themselves . pavarti learned that she could learn the skills of the trade whilst making her own connections and making pretty good cash , as well . as the years progressed , the notoriety of her clients rose . she’s written bars for multiple big names and by harvesting these friendships , she was able to get signed to a record label and put out her first ep at age twenty one . it was well received by critics and pavarti was thrilled to be taken seriously as an artist doing what she loves . she kept working , kept her nose in her business and released her first full album , trip , just last year . she feels like she is constantly growing artistically and finds herself inspired everywhere she turns . she’s currently working on her second full album and just dropped a new single , p*$$y fairy . other than that , there’s not too much else to note in her history . she did not grow up rich , rather she’s only recently come into wealth . her money is very new and she’s not too skilled at spending it wisely .

    personality . 

okay , so this will probably just be a long winded explanation that no one really asked for / needed but here we go ! first and foremost . . . pavarti is a dreamer in every sense of the word . she’s whimsical , she’s connected to the earth around her . she drifts off into elaborate day dreams and tells herself stories in her head as she falls to sleep . she is very spiritual . she meditates twice a day . her house always smells of incense . she has an affinity for weed and hallucinogenics . she really enjoys writing under the influence . her album trip is literally inspired by several drug experiences she had that had a profound impact in her life . pavarti’s general demeanor is borderline wall - flower . you wouldn’t expect her to be so shy , but she is . she’s the giggly girl who’ll hang back and let someone else come to her first . in the meantime , she’s taking in every single detail . she’s incredibly observant . sometimes she thinks in poetry . she realizes that she isn’t the typical visual for a female hip hop , rnb artist but it’s truly her passion in life and her art flows through her . she says more in her songs than she does to the people she needs to and that can definitely be problematic . with that said , pavarti is very well spoken . girl knows how to sweet talk her way through just about anything . but she also has the temper of a devil . she does not tolerate being fucked around with . she has that attitude about her where she will go and key your car if you hurt her or one of her best friends . people typically wouldn’t expect such an explosion from someone so outwardly sanguine and easy going but she’s the type to scratch someone’s eyes out if she has to . her music is her spouse . this fucks her up relationship wise a lot because she tends to let chances pass her by because she would rather stay undistracted . she has an ego , but not really in the outward way that one would anticipate when ego is involved . she knows she’s talented . she knows she’s attractive . but she also knows that she’s fucking lucky to be where she is and she’s grateful . pavarti is the type who wakes up with a smile because she has another twenty four hours to be alive . she doesn’t take things for granted --- she used to , until she lost her older brother and she realized just how quickly things can change . pavarti is a fiercely loyal individual to her friends . she will stand up for them , no matter what . the thing is , she expects it back . she is very much aware of her self worth and does not react kindly to a one sided vibe . 

    plots . 

ok , ok , ok . . . so how i am going to do this is offer up some songs / song pairings for songs that i believe pavarti has written for specific people with certain plots in mind for at least her side of things . and then i will also list some basic plots that aren’t based on anything in particular , but are still plots that i would like very much to have ! the links go to lyrics ! all plots are gender neutral , so ignore any pronouns that are in the songs .

bed peace / stay ready / while we’re young --- fwbs with feelings : pavarti and your muse have been friends for a while . somewhere along the line things crossed the line and they began hooking up . it’s obvious that they feel something intense for each other but something is always in the way of them being together --- plus , neither are really sure if the friendship could withstand a romantic relationship crashing and burning . so here they are , stuck in this awkward limbo . they hook up , hang out , awkwardly third wheel when the other is dating someone else . it’s an interesting dynamic and pavarti wouldn’t deal with drama with anyone else but your muse . they have a really compelling bond and neither can think of life without the other but things have been like this for a long time and there is only so long a relationship as complicated as this one could actually function .

the worst / comfort inn ending / moments / when we love --- exes that ended badly with lingering feelings : this was . . . just a crazy hot and cold relationship . when it was hot , it was fucking hot . when it was cold ? damn . hell itself could freeze over . they probably have done and said a lot of nasty , nasty shit to each other . at the same time , they could’ve been literally planning their wedding at some point because they both were incredibly serious about each other . in comfort inn ending , pavarti suggests their relationship was a result of her cheating on another boyfriend to be with your muse and your muse ultimately cheated on her as well . we can discuss that but i would high key kill for the extra drama . around the time pavarti was writing her first full album , they had a rekindling that inspired her to write moments and when we love . i don’t envision this relationship having ended in a decent way from there , though . more cheating ? fighting ? they were definitely toxic . she’s definitely planning on dragging their ass some more in her tracks .

lsd / sativa --- platonic soulmates : omg so this plot is . . . so fucking cute . but these two would basically die for each other . there is zero sexual attraction , just genuine , pure love . they do everything together . but what really sealed their bond ? well . . . many different intense acid trips , of course ! they love to get high together and forget about the world . they both feel like they can trust the other because they have been present for so many life - changing moments . they rarely go a day without seeing each other and absolutely never go a day without talking in some capacity . sometimes they fight like siblings . but pavarti would honestly kill for your muse . there is nothing she wouldn’t do for them . 

new balance / newer balance / you are here / clear my mind --- the romantic bad influence : this plot is another messy piece of trash . from the beginning , when they first met , pavarti always thought your muse was too good to be true . they reminded her so much of her brother . she felt this sense of peace with your muse . she fell in love quickly but at the same time , felt like there was something looming over their relationship . like it wasn’t permanent . like it’s all just a dream . the bad influence part isn’t portrayed too much in the lyrics other than stressing pavarti’s fear that your muse isn’t exactly who they say they are and this relationship is doomed to fail somehow . she knows that when this explodes in her face that it’s going to destroy her . i see your muse bringing out edgier sides of pavarti’s personality . they party a lot , they influence pavarti to do crazy things with them and she does and she feels so alive with your muse . that is , until , it all crumbles . the facade is destroyed and whatever it was that your muse wasn’t being upfront about shatters the way she feels for your muse entirely . she feels betrayed . clear my mind is pavarti’s way of trying to hype herself up to be stronger than she really is . 

never call me / --- best friends turned enemies : this is my last long one i promise , wtf , why did i decide to do this . anyways --- this plot is again , a shit ton of angst so enjoy that . your muse and pavarti used to be the best of friends . inseparable . that is until things went south . fast . we can discuss what it was that happened between our muses but it was something huge and preferably something where they both could stubbornly blame each other . pavarti feels slighted because she thinks that your muse should be the one who reaches out and perhaps your muses could be thinking the same about her . 

romantic plots : crushes , unrequited love , hateship , party hookup , friends with benefits , secret fling , summer romance 

platonic plots : give me close friends ! and tons of them please ! thanks . roommates , drug buddies , confidants , unlikely friendship , travel friends , only friends in the dms , enemies turned friend

[grgop]

Welcome to Dugi otok

It's been my wish for quiet some time to visit Dugi otok (Long Island), the long and the most distant of the Croatian islands located in the center of Croatian part of the Adriatic sea. Actually, I visited one part of it – the Nature Park Telašćica, when I was a kid more than 15 years ago…but never other places and with the new purpose. However, my wish had been granted surpassing all the expectation I had about this trip. 

The main reason why I wanted to travel there was to find and record the locals who speak the local idioms. For those of you who've been following me for the last couple of years and especially my YouTube channel you know that this was a super exciting trip for me. These native speakers represent a national and cultural treasure in terms of lingusitic heritage and a history of the litoral and maritime people living here for centuries, with some of them being isolated or with little touch to the land (terraferma). Thus the excitement to hear the living past and a nice blend of the Croatian Slavic culture and the Mediterranean Latin influence.

Apart from finding the native speakers I was excited to find out more about being and living as an islander. So I had to chance to record, hear and take photos of stories and experiences of the local people from several villages including both youth and seniors.

How it all started

I was super lucky to be given the opportunity to stay for four days on the island and meet many people whose help I never expected. I got the accommodation for free at the local monastery of St Michael in Zaglav which was thrilling enough and especially valuable since they allowed me to stay during the festive days around Easter. As soon as I got the confirmation that it's not a hallutination but a reality I looked for help among friends and acquaintaes who could aide me in getting to know the island and the locals. Without them this trip would have looked totally different as I knew practically nobody there. In the end I made lots of friends and had plenty of fun while doing my mission. I spent literally days and hourse right before the trip to get the additional camera equipment, gather as much as valuable information about the locals as possible, creating my own map of the potential people for the intervju and preparing the daily routes.

But before we dive into the adventures here's a some info about the island.

About Dugi otok

What do you need to know about this paradise? Dugi otok is the largest of the North-Dalmatian islands situated in the central part of the Croatian Adriatic. Iti s also the last island before the open sea and Italy on the other side of the Adriatic bay. Just like the majoritiy of our islands it has many hills and small bays with its highest peak of Vela Straža at 338m. The island is around 45 km long (hence the name) but at some points its width ranges between 1 and 4 km. This contrast was especially visible when I was driving a car from the south and at one point I stopped and looked to my right – there you see the islands towards Zadar and Velebit mountain. Then you turn to the left and see the nothing except for the blue sky, horizon and the deep blue Adriatic sea. However, during the crystal day and with a good eye sight one can see the eastern Italian coast, more precisely – the Apenine mountains. After all, Italy is less than 200 km away across the sea.

Its western coastline bordering the open sea characterize the sharp contrasts: the southern part around the Nature Park Telašćica is surrounded with impressive cliffs that go up to 80m in height. Telašćica is one of the most beautiful place sin Zadar county and frequently visited by numerous tourists each year.

On contrary, on the other side of the island you can find more peaceful bays. The two most notable beaches are Sakarun and Veli Žal where Sakarun is the most famous one. However, last years due to growing number of visitors and greediness it no longer looks and is as it was 10 years ago. I also never went there but visited Veli Žal instead. All in all, the nature on this island is incredible and as the locals say – you hardly notice any seasonal change. It always looks as if the time had stopped between spring and early autumn. Always green and no leafs falling. In terms of nature this island will be a perfect place to escape the reality and the stress of the modern lifestyle spent in larger urban areas. Clean sea, peaceful nature and the welcoming locals.

People, customs and history

Speaking of locals the island has a population of roughly 1500 inhabitants spread in around 12 local villages. The largest of them is Sali in the southeastern part of Dugi otok with the population of around 800. On contrary, places such as Dragove or Veli Rat in the north have between 40-70 inhabitants statistically. However, accoridng to the stories, there's far less people who actually live for the whole year. The sad truth and reality is that these places will become ghost towns within 10-20 years as the majority of these locals are seniors over 80 years old. The thing is – apart from them most of the visitors are so called „weekenders“ – the islanders who live on the land (e.g. in Zadar) who come there over the weekend…or the other part that's present during the summer are the diaspora. These are the people whose parents, grandparents or further ancestors emmigrated to the United States, Southern America or Australia and New Zealand at the beginning of the 20th century or around the years of the WW2 in search for better opportunities and life across the sea. There are even some remains left of the WW2 bunkers and ship tunnels that I am going to describe you later (I couldn't resists visiting some of them). And even today one can find near the central part of the island a restricted zone which belongs to the military whose base is on top of the hill. It's said it used to watch over the potential threat that comes from the south or across the Adriatic sea.

The population of the island was thus much larger, actually surprisingly larger. However, the Great War in 1918 and the Second World War had taken the toll with great consequences. Many of the islanders died or were killed during those time, especially the young people, men, who were meant to start new families. Those who survived either stayed or moved to new places. Some places used to have a lot of children attending the schools. Now some say it's „a success“ when they managed to gather up to 10 children of the elementary school in total. And they come from different villages.

Being on the island many of the locals have traditionally been turned towards the sea and what it offers. It's not unusal to find people who have spent their lives sailing around the world. Some have been fishermen. Some are into agricultulre and what it offers. Unlike us who live on the mainland here you can't have super large fields but smaller ones where you take care of goods and cultures such as figs, oranges, lemomns, tomatoes, potatoes, salad and olives. In Sali there is a fish factory which provides employment for good amount of the locals. There is another important factor in the lives of the islanders and that is the Church and religion. It's not unusual to find many of them to be (kinda) devoted Catholics who go to the church every Sunday. After all, as some explained me, it's also a social thing or event, when you think about it. And living there for centuries, relatively isolated and surrounded by nature and vast sea surface, one shouldn't be surprised to see faith and religion rooted deeply in the locals. And being an islander does not mean living an easy life, as you are going to find out. Speaking of religion there is this Franciscan monastery of St Michael in Zaglav with a church that was built in mid-15th century. That's the place I stayed at.

The places on the island are connected with one main road from which you have amazing views over the surrounding islands and area. The island has also got quiet good connection with the mainland via trajects and speedboats (catamaran). There are four catamaran lines that go daily from Zadar to Dugi otok. If you are planning a trip on Dugi otok by car you will arrive by traject to Brbinj in the northern part of the island. The same goes if you want to leave the island by car. Speaking of cars the only gas station on the whole island is located in Zaglav in the south. That's also the place I arrived to and stayed at for four days.

What else to add? During the summer season many are some festivals related to religious events, local music and traditional kitchen. Those who prefer to spend their time actively they can go exploring the area, follow many hiking roads, visit the caves, Park Telašćica or National Park Kornati. If you are more into sports then I suggest finding some diving locations or courses, try running, trekking, biking, trail, sailing etc. At the northernmost point of the island at Veli Rat there is another landmark of Dugi otok - the lighthouse of Veli Rat.

I forgot to mention some of the older history of the island. Here are a few interesting things to know. The island was already inhabited with settlers in the early ages in paleolithic and mesolythic. Several years ago scients discovered the human skelleton that date back to 11 000 years BC. This discovered male Dalmatian known as „Šime“ died unnatural death at the peak of his retirement age of 40. 

One can find the remains of the settlements and stuff of the ancient Illryians. There are also several caves on the island and around Telašćica park one can find tomb hills dating back to Iron age 800-400 BC. The last thing I'd add here is the Grpašćak Fortress on the western coast above the cliffs of Telašćica. It was built in 1911 by the Austro Hungarian Monarchy which served as a military patrol base. I came close by my first evening on the island but more about it in the next post..

Time for a break

Alright! I hope you have some idea about Dugi otok. More in details on specific topis as we surf through the days. Grgo

[randomnoteforfuturereference]

Part of Your World

A little gift for @kleeklutch, who also inadvertently gave me a quote prompt to work from.

Note that this fic is directly connected to, and is an elaboration on, this AU concept for Dex.

And if you want to see what Nursey’s wearing... check out this awesome piece by @gouachemole.

Also it’s now on AO3.

Being out on the water in the Gulf of Maine can present you with quite a spectacle.  

The rising sun just beginning to cast its light. Clouds in the horizon concentrating that dawning light into golden shafts that slash across the sky and reflect upon the calm water. A light fog giving an aura of stillness over gently rolling waves. And little white terns flitting around and calling to one another in sharp tones.

It’s a beautiful sight.

Or it would be if I didn’t feel like upchucking over the side of the lobster boat… and in front of a judgmental William Poindexter, who stares at me with that now-predictable mixture of crankiness and concern. Refusing to buckle before Dex is probably the only thing that’s keeping me upright.

“I thought you told me that you've already been at sea.”

“Yachts,” I correct him. “I was on yachts.” Ones that were a bit bigger than this vessel and didn’t rock uncontrollably whenever a damn cruise ship would pass by.

“Well that explains everything…” Dex emphasizes that by doing an obvious once-over of me with his eyes.

“Take it all in, Poindexter.” I emphasize my own statement with a weak gin and by gesticulating over my pink lobster-embroidered shirt, pastel lobster-print chino shorts, and… regular boat shoes. “You know you like it.”

Dex found the whole get-up horrifying. To Dex’s increased horror, the uncle — I call him “Boatdexter” — running this boat and cousins helping along found it hilarious, and they encouraged me to wear it out to sea. Besides, at least for this first trip, they fully forbade me to haul traps — though that may change if I go out with them again — so I might as well be comfortable.  

Well… as comfortable as I can get. Because right now, chirps are the only thing keeping me from wigging out, and I’m not sure how long that can last.  

And of course Dex just has to make things harder by hovering around me — when he isn’t hauling traps — to make sure I’m inventorying correctly.

Before long… after Dex asks for an obscure tool… then asks if I know what I’m doing and want to take a break… that last fraying thread snaps.  

“Dude like I don’t even know bc this whole mermy Dexy thing kinda came out of nowhere and I don’t know why you’re down there or what you need and you think I know these things but I don’t Nemo!”

Fuck that feels good!

It really does, even if I have to take a deep breath to make up for the lack of pause in that rant. As my breathing slows back down, I plop down on a pile of ropes to stare at Dex, who just scowls back at me with the usual reddening of his ears.

A couple minutes of silent staredown passes before a cousin takes pity on us, grabs the requested tool, and hands it to Dex… who mutters curt thanks, puts the tool in one of his utility pouches, and dives back into the depths. Though not before soaking me with a flick of his tail.

Oh, did I mention that Dex is a merman? Well Dex is a fucking merman.

Now did he warn me in advance about that little tidbit? Did he warn me in advance that he was a figure of myth and fantasy? Of course not.

Though to be fair, I think he was trying to tell me but, in true Dexy fashion, was shit at communication. It certainly explained why he kept second-guessing my decision to come along in the trip… or looked like he was about to say something but kept stopping himself. But I didn’t want to assume or pressure him.

Still, I should have been suspicious when I first saw that Dex wasn’t dressed in the rubber overalls like his relatives but rather his regular clothes.

Then we reached the first trap. Then he proceeded to strip down to his swimsuit before gearing up with something that looked like a utility-belt-and-small-backpack combo. Then he dove out into the water… and didn’t surface.

I was already caught off-guard by him getting into the water. When a minute passed without him surfacing, I didn’t pay attention to how unbothered the rest of my companions were. Instead I frantically rushed over to the side of the boat to peer into the aquamarine depths.

“Dex? DEX? DE—”

“WHAT?”

Dex’s irate exclamation from the other side of the boat made me turn around… right in time to have his speedos — his claim is that they’re easier than trunks or jammers to carry in a pouch and wear clothes over; which… whatever…  — slap me in the face.

As I peeled that… garment off, I heard Dex berating me for running around the deck recklessly. Then I saw him, and anything else he was jabbering about faded into a muted drone. Nothing else mattered more than the sight before me.

Overall, if you look at him from the waist up, Dex looks like he normally does at first glance. That is until you notice his eyes and how those gold irises have not only gotten more reflective but twice the size, with the sclerae that’s visible having gone from white to pitch black. Or how his canines are noticeably larger and sharper than you’d expect from a human. Or how his coppery hair really does look like fire in how it pulses with light bright enough to be noticeable even with the morning sun.

Then you notice the tail. Not a legs-replacing fishy tail like popular culture sells. Nope. This is a segmented exoskeleton-clad structure around ten times the length of his torso, patterned in an aquamarine hue similar to its surroundings, and terminating in a fan-like articulated fin. His actual legs are transformed into large fins, a multitude of mini fins are undulate along the underside and flank of the tail, and the top of each segment has a set of spiny siphons to shoot water out in a jet-like stream.

I must have been gaping at Dex long enough for him to finally remember that this was the first time I saw him like that; because he suddenly clammed up, got really red with that blush accompanied by a heightened intensity of his hair’s glow, and dove back into the water.

While Dex was down in the depths, Boatdexter took the time to explain things to me.

They don’t know how or when the ability first arose; just that it’s magic in the fullest sense — including the transformation, which happens at will and not just in the presence of water — and probably involves something akin to a Land of the Fae. It’s not guaranteed that someone in the family will have the ability, but everyone who has the ability has been born in the family. Some have used that ability in joining the Special Forces or working in underwater construction; others are just satisfied hauling traps.

In any case, by the time Dex brought that first trap up, I recovered from the revelation and was able to do my assigned job of recording the number of lobsters taken in or thrown back. I’d probably do better if not for the concerned glances he kept sending me.

Leading to this poi—

“Wait…”

That word, uttered right by my ear, does not cause me to jump up and yelp in an undignified high-pitched manner that would be a non-ending source of chirps if it ever reaches the team. Nope. Not at all.  

Dex ignores my not-reaction as he gingerlly drops a basketful of a sea cucumbers into the boat; the Chinese pay top dollar for those creatures, so he harvests a few on the side when he dives down. “Did you just use ‘beecee’ in place of ‘because’? Why… why am I not surprised?”

Despite everything… Despite my sluggish acclimatization to being at sea in a boat smaller than I’m used to… Despite this frustrating sense of uselessness… Despite my fellow D-man turning out to be a creature out of a fantasy book… I offer Dex a lazy grin.

Dex’s scowl deepens enough to allow one of those oversized canines to peek out, the glow of his hair increases in pulse and brightens to the point of casting mild flickering shadows, and a part of me ponders the veracity of those stories where pissed-off mermaids drag mariners to the depths.

Still…

I widen my grin and peck him on the nose before giving my answer:

“Hashtag linguistics.”

Memo to self: being beaned in the face with what's essentially a living dildo of the sea is not a pleasant experience. Boatdexter tells me that the white, sticky, rapidly-solidifying goop that had been squirted all over my face and hair — yes, I'm aware how this sounds, fuck you very much — are the innards the creature releases for self-defense; which… the fuck…

Still, as I peel away the nylon-like filaments, one thought crosses my mind:

#worthit

[kangwei18053060]

Reflective

 Reflective posts

Blog 1

It usually takes a dog, or a cat or some form of human stupidity to go viral on the internet. However, one of the viral videos doing the round of the internet was an old woman, frail looking, sat in a chair with downcast eyes. Her hands fluttered to the swelling music of Swan Lake. The text on the video told the viewers that the lady was a former ballerina with dementia. For someone, who has been hearing about the “power of music” this video reinforced that notion. It made me realise potential of music to connect with people and also head down the scientific or rather neurological route to find out the many ways that music plays a vital role in one’s memory. Auditory memory while being the among the first things we develop, is also the last one to deteriorate and as primal animals, we humans are so responsive to it.

Further research on this led me to new avenues and I was rather saddened to know that the ballerina in the viral video, Marta Cinta González Saldaña, passed away last year, the year that the now-viral video was shot. She resided in Cuba, went on perform in New York, taught ballet in Madrid, and in a nursing home located in Alcoy, she dreamt of performing ballet with elderly residents. The viral video has made her a viral figure and has also made headline in half of countries around the world. Tributes from other artists also poured in for her. I guess what lives on is the power of music and its effect on people.

Blog 2

When I sit down to watch a film, I tend to focus on the background score first and then on the narrative. But does this mean if I have walked out of a film with good plot but bad music? No, but during the entirety of the film my attention was constantly drawn towards the loud or misplaced music. This is why I hold Whiplash very close to my heart. If I am allotted only three adjectives to describe the film then I would primarily call it intense, followed by awe-inspiring and beautiful.

The film is about Andrew Neyman, played by Miles Teller, a freshman at college, who is an aspiring drummer and does not simply want to be good. I must say that I was initially undersold by the trailer of the film, as I thought it was about drumming. However, it is about how the extent someone is willing to go to become the best at what the do. The instructor, Terrence Fletcher, played stunningly by J.K Simmons, is willing to go to any extent to make their students great. This includes verbal to emotional abuse and also physical abuse. I think the film also presents the dilemma of whether Fletcher is just doing his job of an instructor or carrying out the version of this job. In doing so, he becomes more of a drill sergeant than a music instructor.

I believe one reason why this film interest me primarily is because as a someone majoring in music studies, the film trained my ear in picking out each piece of music in a thorough manner. Also, when I consider my interest in music therapy, this film seems to lie at the extreme end of it. Music here is not therapeutic but rather cathartic and it always makes me wonder how this piece of cinematic adrenalin shows the competitive and cutthroat world of music, which is something that not many consider when thinking about the therapeutic effects of music.

Blog 3

Quite frequently, music gets minimal amount of consideration in the present filmmaking industry, and it is not hard to perceive any reason why. Music is invisible in films. Additionally, not every person is musically inclined, and they might be so enveloped with the co-ordinations of production process, that music is actually pretty low on the priority list at this moment. However, it is important to remember the impact that a music director wants to evoke from the crowd during each scene and set aside some effort to give genuine thought to the central component of music in the film project.

It is possible to affect the audience visually, and it also possible to affect them audibly in what one lets them hear. However, when the visuals fit with sound in a meaningful manner, that is the moment when the crowds go from essentially observing and hearing, to really feeling. Think of the ominous music that plays before the famous shower scene in Psycho.

On the off chance that you have watched any of the classical films, you will quickly observe the presence of music at urgent moments in the story. There is a certain melodic extravagance that films of past ages had, that I lamentably do not see quite a bit of today. A ton of films used to have long basic credits, that highlighted the film's main theme, which constructed expectation for what was to come, and set up an air. Consider Alfred Hitchcock films, James Bond, and so on.

In the entertainment world, there is access to shading palettes, designs, rules, protocols and best practices for pretty much everything. Nonetheless, with regards to music, it is not generally that obvious. A filmmaker will must be the one to settle on the decision on whether the selected scene would be ideal with music. In some cases, even quietness or simply ambient music of the scene convey more weight than music could at that time, and this is something I learned during my postgraduate lessons need to consistently aware of during production.  

Blog 4

This year commemorates the 250th birth anniversary of Beethoven and I believe this is an opportunity to reflect about a craftsman who endured and conquered uncommon difficulty. It is genuinely fitting that Beethoven, an artist who endured and conquered exceptional difficulty, would be so vitally associated with this year that brought unprecedented challenges to people all over the world. In Symphony No. 9, Beethoven expressed an expansive existential way of thinking that supported his faith in solidarity, resilience, harmony and euphoria. The symphony culminates in Ode to Joy, as it offers message of bliss, expectation and positive thinking that is genuinely needed during this year of pandemic. It appears in the fourth movement of Symphony No. 9 and it is among the most recognisable piece of music.

I have taken solace in finding stories about my favourite piece of classical music. Would you be able to envision what it might have been like if you are in your mid-twenties and steadily started losing your hearing, the one thing that is so desperately required for composing music? Obviously, such acknowledgment is decimating, and understandably Beethoven decided to end his own life however his resolute obligation to his aesthetic reason kept him pushing ahead as well as propelling himself innovatively more than ever. I am of the viewpoint that his loss of hearing brought about an internal creativity that challenged history and empowered him to rise above all limits.

I came across a research by the British Cardiovascular Society (BCS) conference held in Manchester found that listening to music that has 10-second repeated rhythm concurs a drop in pulse, diminishing the heart rate. Some of the recordings mentions in the conference were Va Pensiero by Italian Giusuppe Verdi, Nessun Dorma by Giacomo Puccini and Beethoven's Ninth Symphony adagio. While it is not a prescriptible medication (yet), the research proposes that these impacts are not individual, yet universal.

In the event that more proof affirms such findings, it could imply that similar kinds of tunes with comparable rhythms (like third movement in Beethoven's Symphony No. 9) may help in lowering blood pressure in each one of us.

That is quite impressive.

Blog 5

Over the couple of decades, music therapy has evolved into modern science. The Chinese culture have used music for medicinal for a long time. As I study at music from a technical point of view, I decided to find more about the traditional Chinese music therapy. For more than a millennia Chinese community looked for the privileged insights of the universe's melody and cadence. I have grown up hearing from my grandparents about music therapy being an aspect of traditional Chinese medicine. These two aspects share an interwoven and continuous relationship. Music, along with theory of yin and yang, and the five elements remain interconnected.

In ancient times, people thought Tao was the essence of music. As a child, I don’t remember paying much attention to this piece of information that my grandfather was so interested to impart. Years later, as a high school student, when I came across the concept of Tao, I knew better than to not pay attention. Tao is the changes in yin and yang, controlling the force of life, as well as the universe’ tone and mood. In ancient China music was divided into five tone that belonged to each of the five elements of Kung, Shang, Chiao, Chih and Yue.

What I found to be particularly interesting is that as per traditional Chinese medication, the five sounds compare to the inner organs. This hypothesis is utilised in various clinical diagnosis and offering treatment. Various sounds influence various organs. The hypothesis of the five tones frames the holistic premise of music therapy in traditional Chinese medication. The yin and yang related to Heaven and Earth are identified with the body's yin and yang. Taoists have consistently accepted that the human body is a little universe, and inward harmony can be influenced by external harmony. How profound is this.

As per the five basic tones, one can identify various impacts in the human body. For example, Kung-based tunes are grouped as noble, Earth-related, and influence the spleen. Regularly tuning in to such music makes one open minded and kind. Shang tunes are hefty, similar to metal, inflexible. This music influences the lungs; and successive listening is said to make one noble and amicable. Chueh-based music proclaims the onset of spring and stirs all life once again. This sort of music influences the liver. Tuning in to it makes one charitable and conciliatory. Chih music is profoundly emotional, similar to fire. It influences the heart. However, tuning in to it makes one generous.

Yue-based tunes are despairing, as peaceful as running water. They influence the kidneys. Tuning in to these tunes balances one’s intellect and gentleness.

As the ancient Chinese saying states "sad yet not hurt," and "content but not overabundance". While I do not claim that body ailments needs to be treated in the above stated manner, this is the way of life that Chinese music endeavors to pass on.

Blog 6

My secondary school-life revolved around two main interest: music and bio science. My adoration for bio science started with an interest in the functioning of human body. I once toyed with the idea of turning into a medical caretaker, but I feel nauseated when I am around blood. I wound up predominantly thinking about may be simply choosing other field in bioscience for my higher studies, yet something was preventing me from doing it.  I knew I did not want to give up music, and I went beyond jamming sessions with my band after school hours. But I was not sure how to make that into a career. Last year of high school, I carried out research on possible options, and then I decided to pursue music for higher education.  

One would have thought that knowing how to play certain instruments would have made my academic life easy but soon I learned my lesson. While being an undergrad is difficult, being a music understudy is hard. Between classes, theories, practices and schoolwork, one is kept unquestionably occupied. It was while I was pursuing my college degree that I came to know about music therapy. It grabbed my attention immediately.

While there are times when I questioned if I chose the right degree, I also reminded why I chose to study music in the first place. Discovering music therapy was an important point as it made me consider if I as a sound engineer I can curate or make music that intentionally incorporates therapeutic outcomes. I realised this more during the current pandemic situation where I found myself searching for music that would help me feel better during the lockdown situation. I decided to dig deeper and study the music as an aspiring audio engineer. While this is an ongoing side-project of mine, I think the outcome will help me attain my goal of creating therapeutic music later on.

Blog 7

Last Thursday, I found myself reflecting upon my own encounters in music as a study, and a seasonal guitar player. My thoughts mostly revolved around how I went from someone who thought they wanted to pursue bio science to someone studying music. Who were there to support me along my bending path? I wonder if other people also ponder about their scholarly and their support system? I think one of the common factors among all of my support system was they understood my belief of music lessons being something more than playing an instrument. Music exercises can be viewed as life exercises.

I must put a small disclaimer before I go any further. I cannot specify each and every individual who went to impact how music played an important role in my life. There are endless individuals who have empowered and shown me, including my previous and current professors. I think about my absolute first music instructor, my grandpa, who handed me his old guitar and when I was 10 years of age and taught me to play some of his old favourite tunes. I started to choose tunes and make melodies after two years, and I always count my grandfather as my first music instructor. I remember him as a sweet, kind man who possessed a charming little Shitzou canine who would drink up tea (with cream) on the floor beside the couch where my music lessons would take place.

My grandfather played guitar for fun and once I reached 13 years of age, my music interest began to diversify, and I wanted to learn how to play the drums. We started looking for a teacher and I had to look no further than my family. This time it was my cousin, who took me under her tutelage and gave me lessons every weekend.

I learned more in the years to come but my grandfather holds a special place as my first music teacher.

Blog 8

This year was quite revealing to me. Pandemic and my lockdown coping method aside, I found myself pursuing various interest, trying new things and found surprising thing about myself as well. One that I did not see coming is I would go on to enjoy gospel music in a therapeutic manner.

I found gospel music to have a relieving and quieting impact that influences the brain in a positive manner. It lifted my state of mind, and the verses have a method of elevating one’s spirituality to another level. I believe that at the point when the barbed edges of life are influencing oneself, gospel music can mellow those issues and water down feelings of anxiety. This is on the grounds that gospel music recognises the disappointments of everyday day life, and it gives the support that makes the listener easy to push ahead. The tempo of the music, the pitch play a significant role in it.

Tuning in to gospel music is not just entertaining, as it can likewise offer nurturing of one’s soul. Gospel music in general is motivational, fortifies confidence and spirituality, which gives a decent foundation to spiritual development. All through time, music has been related with the divinity. It has been utilized in religious practices customs to improve supplication and confidence, give a way to request, petition and commendation. Music can help individuals to remember their connection with imagination and eventually with the innovative life power.

While my religious beliefs do not align with the Christianity, I listen to gospel music as I find it soothing, minus the religious connotations, and it demands my whole attention. It engages me in a movement, and I follow the beat of the music as I follow the tempo and pattern and go through various mixture of emotions.

Blog 9

Internet is changing the concept and perception around classical music. I think of the duo TwoSet Violin when I think of this. I just spent an hour binge-watching their older videos. Set up in 2014, TwoSet Violin is an Australian comedy musician group who every now and the showcases the life of classic musician through YouTube videos. The founders Brett Yang and Eddy Chen were past members of professional orchestras in Australia. They established TwoSet Violin to fulfil their goals of being comedians while keeping music near their work.

What is not there to like about TwoSet Violin? Their friendship, their rigorous knowledge on the world and life of violin players, and my personal favourite making fun of violists and viola, all in good humour. Then later on I was introduced to Victor Borge, another acclaimed piano player who also makes use of humour and makes fun of the carefree side of musicianship by telling jokes and actual setbacks that occurred during his exhibitions.

What caught my attention to TwoSet Violin’s YouTube channel is the duo’s constant experimentation, and their parodies of life as classical music students. Very soon, I found myself laughing at Ling Ling jokes and “Practice 40 hours a day” saying.

As a teen thought the world of classical music was “all work and no play.” But TwoSet is changing the notion of classical music being a piece of high culture. For instance, the duo have played pop music in the style of classic musicians. Who would have thought Jingle Bells in Paganini style would be such an interesting experience? They also make light jabs as the tune’s simplicity. Besides their creative and funny content, I think the popularity of TwoSet Violin lies in the fact that they genuinely combine humour with the splendour of instrumental pieces and live up as professional musicians while also having a humble personality.

Blog 10

I created a pandemic playlist.  Of all things that I did to keep me afloat during these testing times, curating a playlist was the most fun activity I did. I think perhaps there is certain truth to finding joy in little things. Without a doubt, this pandemic has tested the resilience of my emotional well-being. The lockdowns and remaining indoors prompted my increase in my depression and anxiousness. Not only this, but I was continually stressed over the wellbeing and security of my loved ones some of whom are frontline workers and are the preferred choice to treat coronavirus patients. My everyday routine had become monotonous and this likewise brought huge changes in my eating and sleeping habits. I caused me to feel like I had no control over my situation and heightened my anxiety. In the entirety of this, music acted as my saviour and it caused me a great deal to improve my psychological well-being. I made a playlist and I recently added some songs to it.

I call my playlist “Tanghulu” after my favourite Chinese sweet. These are my top 10 songs from the playlist.

1.     Taylor Swift- Shake It Off

2.     Black Pink feat. Selena Gomez- Ice Cream

3.     Twice- Likey

4.     Boney M- Sunny

5.     ABBA- Dancing Queen

6.     Escape Plan- The Brightest Star In The Night Sky

7.     The Beatles- Here Comes the Sun

8.     Namewee- Stranger in the North

9.     KUN- Lover

10.   BTS- Dynamite

While not done intentionally, the playlist reflects the theory of positive psychology. This theory has gone on to affect the discourse that surrounds the topic of mental health, while also providing significance ideas concerning the link between one’s mental health and music. I am not professing my playlist is the cure-all to end negative thoughts but this one works for me.

[spaceslouie]

1. I just recently following your blog. And I find that we have same opinion for the most part, or from your tags anyway. This by no means that you’d agree with me but can I share my opinion with you. Like I think that so many people have been too critical about his solo works. We really dont know anything. I feel like, Louis have been so appreciative about the opportunity he got, but it looks like we as fan cant even give him a chance. What if he make do with what he got. What if all this was..

2. the only thing on his hand. He said it himself, limited people to work with. Like, maybe the 5 of them dont get the same offers? I dont find it weird that H got the amount of support he got, and Louis got minimum exposure. If we can see it in a professional way, the party that did the offering have their reasons. Sometimes you dont get what you want no matter how hard you work for it. Its reality. That doesnt mean Louis dont deserve it. And people tend to forget, what you find rewarding could

3. be different from others. We want the best for him, and thats just it.. Why does it needs to be by the other 1D guys standard. I’m really emotional talking about Louis. Like, I want to respect what he do. I dont know the struggle he faced. This is the guy who hates their merch, their early music. I feel like the fandom so quick to talk but rarely listen. I dont claimed to know him, but I feel that Hes grateful for this opportunity. And I take my cue from him for the life HE live. thankyou :)

wow i . . got an ask! sorry it took me a while to answer this babe (depending on when u sent it) i dont come on this blog alot, i kinda just made a tumblr as an outlet for my thoughts and frustrations and to have a place to talk about louis lol

anyways i think we do have pretty similar feelings about the way things are going - mostly mine are just summed up by ‘idk what to think but i love louis and his music’ lol 

To be real tho, i’ve been a 1D fan since i was 12, in 2011, and i was a larrie from like 2012 to pretty much a few months ago (not that im an ‘anti’ now or anything, i just dont kno what to think). For most of my time as a 1D fan (and especially a larrie) the culture w/ us has been, for better or worse, to hyper-analyze and doubt (for lack of better words) everything we’re given and told. Tbh, since i changed my perspective a few months ago (mostly bc of solo!harry), ive pretty much just been constantly reevaluating everything ive known for the past 5/6 years and i really just have pretty much NO idea what to think, whatsoever. 

When it comes to solo!louis, ive just been trying to take it as it comes. key word is trying, bc 5/6 years of having a rock-solid idea of the “”truth”” (our ideas about the boys, management, their relationships, etc) is alot to overcome when u try to be objective. 

When u say that ppl have been too critical of louis and his stuff, im not really sure which ppl u mean or if u just mean in general - ive definitely seen some ppl who seem to be critical just for the sake of it, or bc they actually dont like louis, which, ya, thats definitely too critical. But for some of the ppl being critical, it seems like theyre coming from the same place i was before i changed my perspective - if i hadnt been so put-off by solo!harry, i probly would still be just as dedicated to the fandom “”truth”” and i would be critical of solo!louis like i was/we were of everything else. 

Basically, at this point, i think its just habit for alot of ppl to be critical and cynical. Or, even more, its generally more comfortable (especially when weve been telling ourselves for 5+ years that we know the “truth”) to be critical (in an all-knowing way like when ppl say “those stunts are so transparent” or something) than to admit that theres alot we dont kno. Or to admit that louis hasnt had the opportunities we thought he would have/we think he deserves, and theres not really anything to do about it.

Are they right to be critical? I honestly totally dont kno. But basically im done being critical just bc other ppl are - if something strikes me as wrong and worth being critical of, right off the bat, then ill criticize it. But if everything seems ok to me and i have no reservations and i see someone else complaining and making a big deal about it, i guess thats how i decide when someone is being too critical. Thats when it seems to me like theyre being critical just for the sake of it or bc thats what theyre used to. I think its important in our culture (1D fan/louie culture), at least for me in the place im in now, to just trust ur own instinct instead of looking to others to see if things are good or not.

At first i was a little confused by ur ask(s) bc it seems a little contradictory - u talk about how louis didnt get the best opportunities, and then u say ppl are being too critical. But i think i understand (maybe im projecting tho, bc this is how i feel about it). I think what i (and u, if im understanding ur ask rite) am feeling is that ppl want to place blame - we all want the best for louis, and we’re upset that it doesnt seem that he got it. We all love and appreciate louis, so it can be hard to see how other ppl wouldnt and how he wouldnt get all the opportunities we think he deserves. So we go off on his team, simon cowell, his record label, the other boys, etc., and we criticize them and everything louis puts out bc its through them/connected to them. 

But it really all comes down to the fact that regardless of what we think louis deserves, we all know that what he gets probly wont match up to that. Youre rite, he literally said that he didnt get that many opportunities, and we have to accept that. No matter how much we love and admire him, we have to realize that for various reasons the rest of the world doesnt (at least not yet). He wasnt the most famous member of 1D, or the one pushed as the most talented, and the fact that he has a unique voice makes him kindof an acquired taste. 

We have to realize that he is, like u said, doing the best w what hes got. We dont have the power to give him more, so from my perspective im just enjoying what we get and supporting it in every way i possibly can. Bc thats what being a fan is about - enjoying what u get, and supporting it so u continue to get it. We can wish he had more opportunities available, and even ask for what we want from him in polite and lighthearted ways - like tweeting him about his album, or nominating him for awards (like teen choice and stuff), or posting/tweeting about how we wish we had a video/photoshoot/etc as long as its nice and not demanding. But ya basically we are not in a position to give him opportunities so our only job (if we want it, which, being a louie, i do) is to support what he puts out. 

You said: “Like, maybe the 5 of them dont get the same offers? I dont find it weird that H got the amount of support he got, and Louis got minimum exposure. If we can see it in a professional way, the party that did the offering have their reasons. Sometimes you dont get what you want no matter how hard you work for it.” Basically, i totally agree w this and i think its totally ok to just enjoy what we get from louis w/o constantly worrying about how were getting it/what we ‘should’ be getting.

I am frustrated, and always have been, that louis doesnt get what the other boys do, but thats just the way it is. We have to accept that there isnt always someone to blame - for various reasons, louis has had less opportunities than the other boys, and theres nothing we can do about it. I would even go as far to say its not necesarily an injustice - like u said, he isnt the other boys, so we cant expect him to have the same situation as them. All we can do is support him and his music as much as we can/want to. 

anyway im SO sorry for turning this ask into a literal essay, i guess i had a lot to say and honestly im not sure how much of it is coherent or even on topic, it took me like an actual hour to write this all out and when i reread it… it didnt make as much sense as it did in my head lol. anyway i do think we hav some similar feelings and stuff and i really apreciate hearing ur thoughts! I hope we both get to enjoy bty (im so fuckin excited!!! from the teasers hes shared already its gonna be SO GOOD!!!) and i hope more good things happen for louis! tysm for sharing ur thoughts w me! 💙 

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Do You Hold These Distorted Beliefs About Relationships?

We develop all sorts of ideas about relationships from our families and friends, our own experiences and, of course, from our culture. We develop these ideas from movies and sitcoms, too.

In fact, therapist Anna Osborn, LMFT, has worked with several couples who’ve used on-screen couples as examples of what their relationship should look like. “I’ve had to gently remind them that those people are being paid money to follow a director’s script,” Osborn said.

We might not realize it but these distorted beliefs pervade our psyche and deeply affect our relationships. For instance, we might end a relationship prematurely, running away at the first sign of trouble, said Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, a psychotherapist in New York City who specializes in relationships. Which means we squash the opportunity to build a strong bond. These beliefs can make it “almost impossible to find meaningful, satisfying relationships,” she said.

These beliefs create unrealistic expectations, said Osborn, a psychotherapist who practices in Sacramento, Calif., and virtually coaches couples across the country. They become “‘reasons’ for why we can’t connect with another — rather than stepping back and better exploring the roadblocks we’re creating on our own.” This is precisely why it’s important to examine your beliefs about what healthy relationships really look like. Below you’ll find a range of distorted ideas, along with the facts.

Distorted belief: If I have to work at my relationship, then it’s not healthy.

Couples shouldn’t be in a constant state of conflict or upheaval, said Kaela Scott, a registered clinical counsellor who specializes in eating disorders and relationships in Vancouver BC. However, all healthy relationships take work.

“There are no two individuals who will always see the world through the same lens,” Scott said. “When we find someone that we want to spend years or a lifetime with, we are going to have moments of disconnect, moments where we have to fight to make things work and many, many moments of growth.” Working through your issues is what helps you evolve and become even closer.

Distorted belief: If my partner really cares about me, they would ____________.

According to Osborn, individuals tend to fill in the blanks with black and white behaviors, as in: “If you really cared about me, you’d never be late,” or “If you really cared about me, you’d always remember what I say.”

The problem? Emphasizing such behaviors as the only ones that show love creates a skewed reality in a relationship, she said. “When we judge someone’s singular actions as reasons for why they don’t care, we often lose all sight of the millions of other ways they show love.” It also reinforces the belief that your partner should be continuously proving themselves to you in order for you to care about them or feel cared by them, Osborn added.

Distorted belief: How my partner acts is indicative of their feelings for me.

People’s behaviors and reactions may have more to do with them and less to do with us. According to Paris Williams, who’s pursuing a master’s in counseling and focusing on attachment theory at Lincoln Christian University, this is a prime example: A wife tries to initiate sex with her husband. He brushes her off, which she interprets as him no longer being attracted to her.

However, he actually feels insecure about his performance the last time they had sex. In other words, him not wanting to have sex has nothing to do with her. (Which is why being honest with your partner is so important.)

Distorted belief: Love is a feeling.

“How we feel about a person or how someone else makes us feel is completely about us,” said Rosy Saenz-Sierzega, Ph.D, a counseling psychologist in Chandler, Ariz. who specializes in working with couples. While important, feelings are fleeting. They change with every new situation.

Even more than that, love is a choice. “Being in love should really be called ‘being in the act of love,’” Saenz-Sierzega said. That’s because love is “a committed, thoughtful decision one makes that’s part of a layered process that includes choices, behaviors, and emotions.” For instance, these choices include ignoring minor annoyances, spending time together, getting to know each other and respecting each other, she said. “This is how we stay in love.”

Distorted belief: I shouldn’t have to tell my partner what I need. They should know.

According to Osborn, “Communication is essential in every relationship, and any expectation that others should know our thoughts, needs and desires when we haven’t shared them is setting up an impossible standard.”

After all, our partners aren’t mind readers. And our needs are regularly changing. Because we are regularly changing, Osborn said. “What worked for us as a couple when we first met is likely to have evolved over the years.” Not talking about our needs around these topics means that “we are operating from an out-of-date system manual that leads to disconnection and hurt.”

In fact, holding any of these distorted beliefs can lead to disconnection and hurt in your relationship. Which is why, again, talking honestly with our partners is so powerful. It helps you set the record straight, minimizing misunderstandings. It bolsters your bond. And it helps you grow as an individual and as a couple.       

Stay tuned for a second piece with more inaccurate ideas about relationships.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/05/05/do-you-hold-these-distorted-beliefs-about-relationships/