#is me crying about one person who doesn't care about me
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Pick a card : Lemme describe your bf\gf\fs :
Pile 1 pile 2


pile 3 pile 4


Likes , reblogs and feedbacks are very much appreciated 💗 Thankyou for stopping by let's dive in ☄️ Choose the pile you feel most drawn to 🧸
Masterlist \ pick a piles feedbacks piggy bank
Disclaimer: this is general reading . It may or may not resonate . If reading doesn't resonate let it fly and choose another pile or simply there were no messages for you through this reading 😊 Take the reading lightly as nothing's set in stone until you believe so 🕊️
Exchanges : open , collabs for paps : open
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Pile 1
funny without trying
doesn't hide you from their friends
sometimes boastful
extremely popular
knows everything about you
extremely smart
sometimes sassy
loves to look after you
usually hungry
sometimes rude without knowing it
loves listening to rap
never at home
doesn't realise they're very hardworking
sometimes feels underrated
remembers everything about you
sometimes pessimistic
get your personalised readings
Pile 2
18+ read at your own consent
Reckless
very indecisive
always eating
a bit of a fattie :D
party boy
gives the best advice
yolo mindset
best outfit/music taste
Doesn't care what other think
JEALOUS AF
Loud af
Dom
"ooh, sexy"
"Babe"
"How do you feel?"
*SPANKS*
Horny 24/7
Your friends like his look but hates his personality
"Send Nu*es"
"Nice Ass"
BUYS EXPENSIVE SHITS TO EXPRESS HIS LOVE OR APOLOGIZE
LOYAL BUT HARDLY SAY NO FOR A GOOD ASS
huge book reader
obsessed with one girl
quiet but loud
comfort > style
with the right people
best secret keeper
get your personalised readings
Pile 3
ALWAYS looking at you
acts goofier around you
warm hugs
sends "this reminded me of you" texts
remembers every single word you've ever said
princess gf - bf who does anything to see her happy "baby"
"that's cute"
"hmmm?"
falling asleep on call
You've good taste in music
gm and gn texts
holds hands with you
"i can't wait for our future together"
big hands
"doll"
"go ahead... what "speak up. "were you saying?"
"don't be shy"
-grabs inner thigh-
holds your chin up w/Index finger and rubs lower lip w/thumb while making eye contact
"when they smirk and lick their lips"
"eye contact"
madly needs your attention
always ready to fight for you
impulsive and stubborn
seems terrifying but he's a warm bean
"duuude"
doesn't like horror movies
gives and wants kissies all the time
moms love him
high pitched scream
always fails when he tries to intimidate you
does everything to make you feel safe
"yooo"
enjoys causing chaos
pretty good at video game
feels a lil insecure sometimes
has some chad energy
can be hella sassy
afraid of being put aside
get your personalised readings
Pile 4
super clingy
wants forehead kisses
loves to sit on ur lap
spoiled brat
cuddles
short
"call me your angel, anon!"
caring & sweet
veryyy emotional
always sleepy
"yes please"
will cry if yelled at
sub
"i love you, anon :("
apologizes 24/7
tall straight ADHD bf who loves games - 5'3 mentally ill gf who loves astrology
actually a huge nerd
protective af
secretly gay
super duper nice
very pretty eyes
insecure
music
lowkey clingy
og sk8r boy
loves 2 cuddle
likes plants a lot
old soul
probably the coolest person u will ever meet
loves cartoons
handsome af but also pretty af
baggy clothes
get your personalised readings
I hope you liked the reading . Thank you so much for letting me read for you . Wishing you best ahead . 🎀Bless you and have a nice day🌸🐰 I'd love to hear which pile you chose
Loads of love , jam\gem🩷
#jamreadstarot#pick a card#pick a pile#astro community#vedic astrology#pick a picture#astro notes#astro observations#astro placements#astrology#horoscope#zodiac#magick#pagan#paganism#hellenic pagan#pagan witch#witch cat#witchy vibes#witchcore#witches#witchcraft#occult#oracle cards#numerology#tarot deck#tarot card reading#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarot
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sorry your el/byers family posting just made me think of El's letter at the start of S4 where she says she'd asked Jonathan about the 'smelly plant' he was smoking and I had to laugh and then also cry because the whole letter is fuuuull of instances where El seeks out a conversation with a Byers and gets dismissed
She listened to Joyce talk about her job, she was inquisitive with Jonathan and seemingly listened to him worry about Nancy, she tried connecting with Will on his painting and noticed he'd been acting 'weird'...
But Joyce has no idea she's getting bullied (she was very aware when Will went through similar struggles), Jonathan would maybe normally step up but isn't even there for Will for the first half of the season, and finally Will is clearly holding her at a distance for reasons she can't understand.
I feel compelled to defend the Byers because S4 also seems like the season where they're most distant with each other, and so it kind of tracks that none of them are putting in any extra effort with El either, but it does hurt my heart that El was clearly TRYING and just never really got anything out of it. She's tacked onto their unit and none of them try to make any time or space for her.
Allllll of this :( She was trying so hard to become part of the family, and the one person who was really available to connect with didn't really want all that much to do with her. And for what? Because he's worried about himself? About his petty problems re: Mike? Where's the Tonka truck boy? Where's Mister "She's sad, Mommy"? I don't see him anywhere.
I think basically every fan feels compelled to defend the Byers family under any circumstances (largely because they're main protags), but in this case...someone should have done better. El's like 2 years out of HNL, it's her very first year of school, and she just lost her father, for Christ's sake. I'm not usually one to rank suffering, but El was suffering the most, here. Someone should have done better by her. Literally any of them. My only beef with Will is that he was the one most suited to connect with her based on age and shared experiences. But Joyce was right there, too. Sure, she's busy, but like you said...she was very attuned to Will getting bullied.
El's just not part of the family structure, so she doesn't get any effort that would have been put into the family (which is basically what you said).
It's heartbreaking, considering that all she's ever wanted is a loving family—most of all a mother and siblings—and she was so close to having exactly that...and they didn't step up. No one ever really steps up for her, it seems. It's the one reason I'm glad Jim's back from "the dead". At least someone might possibly have the time for her, now.
It's all the more heartbreaking considering how many times she's willingly put her own life on the line for the Byers family. Not to sound like a cunt, but this is how she's repaid? By being an outsider once again? With zero effort put into supporting her from anyone? Will can't even make good on his promise to help fix her diorama! (Which is of Jim, something that's not lost on me re: El's desire for an involved parent. Jim wasn't perfect, and I'm one of his biggest critics, but life at the cabin seemed better than whatever the fuck Lenora Hills had going on.) He'd rather just mope at the breakfast table while Mike takes care of it. At least Mike went up to talk to El.
Like no wonder NINA showed El a parent/big brother who seemingly prioritized her, was on her side, and seemed committed to protecting her, for once! No wonder she willingly went with Brenner! She feels abandoned! She's going back to whatever's available, because nothing else is available, and she only feels worthwhile when she's "useful" (read: is playing superhero). It's awful. I always feel so badly for her.
I hope ST5 gives her a happy, peaceful ending that's full of all the familial love she's been deprived of.
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More headcanons 'cuz people like them and they are so fucking funny to make (WIll make them for other fandoms too) (part 1 here):
Giovanni's boys met many people from the cast much more important than them (Percy, Lorelai, Martin, Arnold, Sylvie, Trixie, Feenie…) while hanging out while wearing their civilian clothes but had no ideas and probably never will unless they talk about it to Giovanni or Molly
Sylvie eventually learns that Giovanni is basically raising Molly and her terrible old life and joins the “Post-POP Molly support squad”
Now he has many more friends and he has no idea how to react to this
He also still has beef with Giovanni. Slightly less than canon and respects him more (they are now basically siblings with a rough relationship but still care about the other), but he still has one. And yet he is weirdly fond of his boys (including Molly)
But he will die before admitting it
Giovanni doesn't even find it insulting or anything (Giovanni VC: “HAHA! So you won't fall to my feet but you will fall to the ones of my minions? That's right!! Admire the PURE RAW POWER my boys hold!! Hehehe…. Soon you will join me too, Sylvester!! It's only a matter of time~”)
Sylvie also lied to the cops to keep Molly safe and keep supporting the whole “me and Molly were Giovanni's hostages” fake excuse stable
Sylvie went on a (play)date with Feenie once mostly because he had no idea how to tell her no and found the binder she made for him way too neat to reject her.
They decided to stay friends after that.
Ramsey probably Vegas married once
Mera is the only person existing in the EE universe who's a picky eater who doesn't like to eat inedible stuff (she still does but She Is Not Happy About It) (<- born for rich food forced to jail food and sand :< )
Rick has a secret diary too like Sylvie but it's written in a secret language he and his old friends created to communicate non verbally. And it's either filled with extremely dark and sad thoughts, dumb observations and doodles. If someone was able to read it they would probably cry.
Molly has an automatic aversion to toys after selling them for so long and being literally replaced by them in her own father and sister' life. Before Sylvie knew about her home situation he just assumed she did that to look more mature like him (he actually likes toys)/she did that because she was actually mature and said something along the lines of "Oh! I don't like toys either! We are much more mature than that, hehe ':D!" and she answered by something among the lines of "After being immersed in a world of toys, their utter futility become apparent. They have no love to give to you. They are just pieces of fabric without a heart. They are just masks adults wear to influence how children feel." (That was how Sylvie started to think that there was much more to dig other than "My mom died")
She still enjoys being gifted toys but has a preference have books or cards
Percy talks in her sleep. Not cute sleep-talking or no sensical bubbling who makes you laugh. Instead she mumbles ominous and anxiety-inducing riddles that she has zero memories about when she wakes up. Meryl slept from her once because of work and felt extremely scared by the offputting things Percy mumbled in her sleep.
Rick also sleep talks. He is the one who says nonsensical shit.
Both Naven and Rick have scary good reflexes
Crusher used to be very lonely, shy and coy in his first days as a Blaster and only spoke little and VERY straightforwardly. Some of the other blasters just assumed he was just being passive-aggressive at first.
The feeling changed very quickly after they got closer and now they think he is non-ironically considered the most supportive friend they ever had
He is also more talkative and affectionate, which they are very proud of it
They also proposed "Crusher" while playfully poking at his crush but didn't notice that Giovanni was right behind them listening and just went "Hey Crusher actually sounds cool! He makes you sound like a real badass! Is it okay if it's your official minion nickname, [CRUSHER'S REAL NAME]?"
Crusher.exe stopped working. Please reboot the system.
The rest just burst into laughter the moment Giovanni left and Crusher just stormed off while flustered yelling stuff like "LAUGHT AS MUCH YOU WANT, MY LOVE JUST CALLED ME BADASS! CRUSHER IS OUT!" which just made them laugh even harder
(Warning: Angst) Inspired by an old fic idea I had but Giovanni and Lorelai used to be online friends/penpals before/during the fire. Giovanni slowly saw his friend getting grumpier and more isolated until she had enough and decided to stop being friends. He wanted to help her but didn't have the right words to say that and she refused help.
Do you know when the bear took life when Sylvie used Nightmare Fuel on him he yelled "I should been promoted ages ago!" to him?
The last thing she wrote to him was "I should have blocked you ages ago"
He is technically over that but still thinks about it sometimes
And so she does (except that she is not over that)
#epithet erased#giovanni potage#sylvie ashlings#rick shades#lorelai blyndeff#molly blyndeff#sorry for eventual mistakes. I am eeby now#and sorry for the angst
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Sunrise on the Reaping Chapter Two Thoughts
I'm only two chapters in and I'm already crying.
I think the reaping scene in Hunger Games is incredibly impactful and moving (especially in the film), like there's just something incredibly visceral about the entire scene. Suzanne doesn't try to replicate that, doesn't try to match it or top it, and yet, I think this could be just as gut wrenching in the hands of the right director.
I was surprised by the chaos here. I had expected, leaving off from chapter one, that they would move right into choosing another name, and that would be how Haymitch was reaped. Instead it's pure chaos. There's a five-minute delay, ostensibly for dealing with things like this, if they should arise, and yet, when it does, no one has any idea what to do.
I was also surprised that Drusilla was panicking about the violence and the body being seen on camera. My initial thought was they would want to air this, as it would be another way of flexing their strength and power. Resistance is futile and all that. But then it occurred to me, they don't want the people in the Capital to see how oppressed the people in the districts actually are. It's likely that the majority of the people in the Capital have no idea what life in the districts is really like. And I guess in a way that makes sense. We're told in the OG trilogy that the Games are sold as some sort of noble sacrifice/way to bring pride to one's district. That narrative definitely falls apart if we see people trying to flee, and the brutal reality of what happens if you do.
Drusilla. What a narrative foil for Effie. Just unabashedly evil. Again, I'm just reminded way too much of some of the ghastly rhetoric that has become commonplace in today's political scene, and I think it's a really really necessary reminder that yes, some people really are just that vile. I think when we look at the OG trilogy, we're presented with a lot of people who have been propagandized into believing certain things about the districts. Effie truly starts out the series believing that being in the Hunger Games is something to be prideful of. Flickerman, I think, to some extent, actually cares about the tributes in his own rather twisted way. That is not the case with Drusilla. She is just irredeemably awful, and in a way that entirely different than Snow. Snow, in all his awfulness, has a reason for everything he does, and there's a sort of cold detachment to it. That's not true for Drusilla. She's just a hateful person. She's motivated by prejudice and hate and that's all there is to it.
Plutarch! I was not expecting to see him. What an interesting wrench to throw in, because I think, at this point, we really don't know where he stands. We know he's on the side of the rebellion 25 years from now, but a lot can happen in twenty-five years. So, is he anti-Capital here, and just playing the part really well (somewhat well?), or is he someone who would be changed over the years by what he sees? It's tempting to read positive motivations in his actions here, from stepping in to save Lenore Dove's life, to getting the families a chance to say goodbye (also his warning to Haymitch), but.... he only gives two families the chance to say goodbye, and he shows a distinct lack of empathy in the execution. So, is he just playing his part really well, or is he actually sincere that all he cares about is getting good shots for the show? I guess both things can be true. He may be motivated only to get good shots, but only so he can work his way up the ladder so he can eventually get into a position to bring about real change, or he may be doing his best to advocate for the tributes in a rigged system. Or he may not even be against the capital yet. The ambiguity is, I think, the best part, and I'd honestly be okay with not having that question answered.
There's a running bilateral theme here, which can best be summed up as "The cruelty is the point" and "They will not use our tears for their entertainment". This is *the* quote of the book, right? It's on all the posters, and it's so so so important. As I look around at the things that are happening, I see a lot of people reveling in other people's suffering, and it's really really hard not to feel hopeless.
This is why I think Drusilla may prove to be one of the most important characters in the book, and note all the dehumanizing language she uses about the people in the districts.
The question a lot of people had was why are we going back to district twelve, how will this be any different than what we saw with Katniss? But we see the difference right away. And look, we know the outcome of this story. There's no happy ending here. So, what story's being told?
It's the difference between Katniss and Haymitch's experience. Katniss was surrounded by people that cared about her, sympathized with her, wanted her to be successful. Lucy Grey had someone on the outside solidly fighting in her corner (albeit for his own reasons). Haymitch does not. It's one of the reasons I think Plutarch will remain solidly grey in this book.
The back of the book says Haymitch thinks he's being set up to fail, and we know he was punished for the way he won his game. A lot of people have questioned, uh...why? Why would the Capital care so much about the way he won? It wasn't *that* out of bounds, was it? Well, because he wasn't supposed to win. Why? I don't know completely, but one reason might be because he defied the Capital by intervening with Lenore Dove. This is , after all, what got him sent to the games in the first place. People who defy the Capital aren't supposed to then turn around and win. Add in that his family is already suspected of being rebellious, and well....?
Lenore Dove's goodbye to Haymitch. This is where I lost it, and I want to see this on film so bad. Please don't fuck this up, Lionsgate. How powerful. How different from anything that we've seen before. How important this moment is. I put this up there with Peeta's "I don't want them to change me". It's so important. Small acts of defiance. Taking back some control. I love it.
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11/3/24 worthms
#jt#im doing better than i was when i made this i suppose#this year was really bad for me mentally#i don't want to define a whole year like this but its undoubtedly true#also like over 60% of my ms paint poetry vent whatever bullshit#is me crying about one person who doesn't care about me#i should have realized earlier u would think#ms paint
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as someone who was so sure that i couldn't have a life without him , i really don't know how i'm surviving so well. i don't know where that self-preservation comes from but thank god it's here.
#life's been messy latelyyy#how i (the person who cries about everything) am not crying about the one thing i feared the most happening? great question#i mean. my body knows i'm not fine. i don't sleep well and i have canker sores and sometimes i don't have any appetite#but still. i'm eating and i'm sleeping and i even make more efforts to hang out with my friends and family or talk to my cool colleagues#it's like my brain doesn't care? or at least knows better than let me bully myself into depression#i feel hope for a future despite it all. just realizing that makes me so happy i want to cry
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thinking about barton doing baby talk to his kids, even though he was eighteen when marcy gave birth to both matilda + louis and thus was a COMPLETELY different person, is honestly both super surreal to me and also surprisingly... sort of makes sense. because barton can NOT bring himself to be mean around babies; i mean at all, and this man loved his kids so much, which 😭 well — let me just say that his behavior has greatly changed since then, to say the least. though barton still believes he loves them in his 'own way'
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ahhh yeah... i just. idk what this mood is that i'm in right now but i just pictured barton being one of those dads that their toddler-#kids seem to ADORE but like 😭 obviously he is no longer the same person because man's used to be able to comfort them relatively-#well and actually made more of an effort at emotionally supporting them. though i guess part of the reasoning for this could be that-#barton was trying to hold back his quote unquote 'blood-thirst' at this point and be like everyone else buttt now he doesn't care about-#fitting in with the rest of the population much at all. because his main job is literally to serve criminals (albeit medically) and he's a#freaking ORGAN tr*fficker for crying out loud. but the strange thing is is that this trait of his where he just can't be mean to babies-#has carried on throughout all these years with him + whenever barton's around one he mayyy or may not sometimes get baby fever 💀#so yeah. that's fun LOL but idk it just makes me a little sad thinking about how good barton used to be with them whenever they were small#and now with his mental health pretty much being on a steady decline + him seemingly turning more and more monstrous by-#the years it's always a gamble with the mathis kids as to whether they'll get to see a glimpse of this again or if they'll just get more of#the same father who provides for his kids physical needs such as food and shelter but not so much emotional needs + can be manipulative-#as HELL sometimes too#tw: mental illness.#tw: manipulation.#tw: mentions of organ trafficking.#tw: emotional neglect.
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you ever miss your comfort character so bad you gotta go outside about it
#idk i've been pretty stressed that's probably why i randomly got rly sad abt it#and by it i mean the uh. gestures vaguely at fandom i guess#either nobody's there or it feels like i'm not exactly welcome. or both! which tough shit i'mma take up the space regardless but like#this weird sense of elitism I get in a space that's built by and nurtured by people whose MO is 'caring a lot' is.. hm.. interesting#idk just got reminded this morning that some people view critique as a free pass to drag a creator through the mud#when what you SHOULD be doing is uplifting them so that they can improve and reach their maximum potential. you clown. you absolute buffoon#it wasn't targeted at me or anything it just made me so angry/sad. smad. i'm smad about it#i just get hit with a wave of what's the point. what's the fucking point nobody cares abt things made with passion for the love of the game#we don't have time/it's not good enough/it doesn't matter/it's been done better/why x when we have y#and you know what fair enough everyone's entitled to their own emotional responses of course.#if you think your opinion is reason enough to tear it down then we're gonna have to agree to disagree on that one i think#just keep in mind that you could have loved what they made. other people could have loved it. it could have changed something for someone.#i personally know artists and have worked with artists who have put so so much effort into making something work over and over and over#only to have no audience and get back up saying guys let's give this just one more try.#hell back in the day I was an accomplished writer kid who was told that you may be good but nobody gives a fuck#artists who use up all these resources just to bring something new into the world and nobody's looking. what's the point. what's the point#anyway. i'm gonna go wade through the snow for a bit maybe sink my bare hands into it you guys want anything#started the post thinkin abt my blorbos ending it crying putting my shoes on alright I'm going I'm GETTING the FRESH AIR fuck off#i'll be god once i've gotten a bottle of coke and some mozzarella sticks. wait am i pmsing. fuck#god i hate that i don't drink sometimes.
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crazy city population 1 (me) (kingsley)
#problems!#a lot of things are coming out in hd for me. i get nervous about a lot of things and i get scared just the same#and in those times i find myself reaching for someone. not a specific someone but i always expect a hug when presented with fear#now dont get me wrong youre all dickhead pissy pants stupidfaces and i cant stand the sight of youse /j#but ive been so fixed for so long on making this Me who just doesn't care and doesn't need to care because fuck you etc#and there are things im passionate about and people i love but thats not what im getting at here#i like bugs slashers & sitting in tight dark spaces. i like being by myself and i dont care about what happens when i die#i dont respect police and i still dont think ink poisoning is a thing thatll happen to me (see: every craft project ive done this year)#i do this stuff i act this way i basically can never ever have a day where my brain isnt active at all times#but when i get Like This specific uneasiness i get scared of being scared. and for some reason my brains way of remedying this feeling#is imagining someone to tell all this shit to & be comforted. crazy#somedays im like go fuck yourself leave me alone fuck off other days im like i need just one person to let me cry with them when i get bored#its craaaaaaazy city
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show: oh no this bad character's had all her powers stripped away! now she's normal and the other bad characters don't want her around anymore! how tragic! don't you feel so sorry for her?
me: ...no?
show:
show: but. she's lost all her powers! she's been abandoned!
me: she's tried to kill two people my-life-for-theirs-levels of important to the main character. presumably she has succeeded in killing other people off-screen
show: well, uh, maybe, but-
me: play stupid games, win stupid prizes
show:
me:
show: look at how sad she is-
me: yeah i'm done here
#been watching grimm with mi and the ending of this episode with adalind or however you spell her name? missed me by a mile#oh no the character who's tried to kill two people nick cares about has been stripped of her powers! she's normal and useless now!#like. sorry? i'm supposed to... sympathize? that she's as easy to kill as at least one of the people she's tried to kill? oh nooooooooooooo#have her cry onscreen? no sell. get rejected and abandoned by the other bad guys? don't give a shit#play 👏 stupid 👏 games 👏 win 👏 stupid 👏 prizes 👏#ugh#anyway#grimm#tv shows#personal#abbie needs a twitter#show doesn't fall under 'my favorite' yet but i love nick and monroe and juliette and rosalie DEARLY
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happy birthday to me
#i always feel sad around my birthday#nobody really cares about making it special for me#personal#update post birthday dinner: yup i feel like shit#had a cry about it too#my family doesn't care about me anymore#they'll do the basic but they don't put in an effort into making me feel loved#they didn't even let me pick my own cake or blow out my own candles#i had to use a plate to waft the candles#i hope to god this weekend will be special#jake's the only one who loves me really loves me
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hey. pspsps. for whenever u need it. hands u a Talk About Yuor Beasts ticket for azrael and kenix. disappears into my shrub again. woe

HELLOOOO HAI. I FINALLY WROTE THIS HOLY SHIT. just to prepare you people, this thing is going to get LONG. EXTRA LONG COMPARED TO MY USUAL OC RANTPOSTS. 57 paragraphs and about ~7000 words. Yeag ^_^ read at your own risk and if you have a Lot Of Free Time Alrightsies? And also if you want to hear about fucked up and doomed little queer guys! I had tried to cover everything about azranix in here so let's goooo !!!
okay so first of all i will Definitely be reusing some of the old info i have already said about them before because Yeag ^_^ it is definitely needed for context for all the other people that have been following my blog and never read my previous rant posts. And those who just Never Saw Said Oc Posts dhehdsh just so this all would make some sense
and God. i've had kenix and azrael for abouttttt 2+ years by now i think ? ? and their story have changed a lot but GOD they still have such a grip on my soul.,,, cannot think about them without being Plagued very intensely and extremely and severely. they were this one Thing but then their dynamic and relationship evolved and so did they as people and it makes me So Sick of them soemtimes i swearrrr.. . .
so to start off! yeah the already known thing is that they're part of the seven deadly sins order of characters but to make it easier i'll just call them either sins crew or seven sinners. For my own Convenience. The concept of the sins crew is that they are mirroring the main original timeline cast. While the main cast is blessed by the divine in the name of keeping peace of their perspective duties. the sins crew Unfortunately did not get such treatment. To be part of the sins crew is to be abandoned by the gods above Basically. which is exactly their fate! they have curses and not blessings and. to make it short that's just how they have been punished for even having desires! Quite Unfair,, , ,
each of them have their own perspective sins and here, azrael and kenix have envy and lust as their assigned sins respectively. each of their actions that lead to this point are represented by said sins ofcourse but in their own ways (so No not That kind of lust for kenix i know please do not) i think i have explained all the needed context before i get to both of them on their own and then together ^_^ firstly i'll explain azrael because Yeag.
azrael is kind of. Complicated to say the least. a living weapon of some sorts! grown up in a hostile environment where the sole goal was To Win. there was little importance in personal happiness because it was all either to kill or to be killed. and he just grew tired of it yk? his hands only knew the warmth of blood and not the warmth of an another person. A dull and terrified view on life. He could only yearn to know how it is like to live normally without having to worry about being someone's next target.
and then there was someome who knew such happiness. a nameless girl, so full of life. just like him, she had no name from birth. Only a serial number. But yet. She was someone that had no worries like he did. Someone who Had So Much. stood right next to azrael. It felt unreal. Like a dream! A false scenario because surely! Surely that kind of bliss wasn't possible in his world! and yet. Yet. someone knew that feeling that he wished to knew the warmth of himself. Was right in front of his eyes. But he also was envious of her to some degree deep down. envious that she had what he yearned for his entire life while working with these bunch of assassin-esque people. but also!
it is very very safe to say that she meant Everything to him. Like how could she not? her attitude changed his worldview on such a fundamental level that azrael was. Fully convinced that he wouldn't be able to exist without the bright colors she intergrated into his life. spending all of his time with her. her happiness and optimisim was everything he needed. It (the whole relationship) wasn't even exactly anything to Her. like both of them very much saw each other as friends! but azrael meant something different by friends Me Thinks,, , , more like a person that he committed himself to.
"oh you are my friend and i am yours? okay then you have my devotion now. We are Friends and More Than Friends at the same time now :)" like they had something Very Intense and at the same time so one-sided. which is Unfortunate for azrael because! Wow my dude you trusted someone So Much you have let your guard down! Bad Choice my guy! because now it wasn't azrael who was the target. It was her. the nameless has been seen with him so many times that she was in danger because of him. and since he has let his guard down it led to. You know. Her death eventually happening.
the loss of the nameless girl not only broke azrael but changed his worldview once again. Because now he wasn't just apathetic to the entire world around him like he used to be before she appeared in his life, but he despised everything about the world. he was so jealous because now seemingly everyone had everything he had ever wanted! that source of happiness! something he had just mere moments ago! the warmth of blood on his hands coming back to haunt him!
It felt nauseating to see others have that joy. and in a series of overthinking it all, he came to the conclusion that. The others surrounding him have decided to keep happiness a secret from azrael. they were all on it. They knew what they were doing when she died. it is like they have purposefully taken the girl whom meant the world to azrael away from him! but of course how could he not see the truth that was displayed in front of his him this whole time!
coming to that conclusion utterly broke everything azrael knew and built it all anew. His envy was ever so clear to see. he knew that the people surrounding him wanted him to keep being envious of their joy. And so he just decided to ruin it all for them! after all. how come they get to have such happy moments while he has to be left behind in the dark, destroying his youth away for this constant cycle of death to keep going in circles on and on? it felt so utterly unfair to him. There was no use to continue doing what he always did when there wasn't a reason to keep doing it from the start besides living. and how could he live now without the person he treasured by his side?
in the end, his envy of others spiraled into a huge breakdown and caused him to go on a rampage. there were no exact names as his targets, only what his heart and shattered mind told him was the target. and that whole ordeal lead to quite a lot of deaths. ranging from people who at least were azrael's enemies from the past to some degree to innocent bystanders of the world who didn't know that azrael even existed
he found weird comfort in their deaths. Like "wow. i have finally gave in and destroyed what only worsened my misery and envy.. .," he kind of just, , did not feel sorry at all for the murders. even relishing in them in a ?. ? Way. but it all came back to stab him in the back. And Quite Literally too! that is what lead to his death and now his current state. being cursed and with the sin of envy being forever carved into him as a person, his jealously turned into pure venom. like Actually. he has venom running through his body, created from the purest desire for happiness. A man now destined to roam afterlife, forever seen as the pure embodiment of Consequences
so spiteful. so hateful at his very core. although he may be hiding it, but the Venom is present and is very obvious when you look closer into it! his only way to deal with this is to be distant from people. there is no reason to be conversing with the beings that once saw him as such a lowly being. azrael's way of thinking this through is just. Very confusing to say the least. he acted upon his desires but tries to rationalize them at the same time. trying to show that he doesn't care. No he doesn't care. . at least he is convinced so but Truly it is just ?.?? it is clampicated to describe for him. Or something
and now about kenix. Oh god This Dude Man. kenix is Incredibly Fuckjng Complicated as a person man. To start off, i will refer to him as his real name (Yi Dal) sometimes alright? kenix is Very Much a very deeply troubled guy that just represses such feelings. ever since he was born, he was in the dark. Metaphorically and kind of Literally?. since he was a child, he had the whole thing between him and his parents and just His family in general. which was Just Good Fucking Lord how much Inferior he felt to them. he was mostly, if not all the time, reduced to a "servant" for the family. which really contributed to him trying to seek value in himself through being useful to his family
obeying all the orders from his family? No questions asked, although it may hurt, he will at least get some attention. No matter positive or negative. he really just. didn't have a say in anything. for both of the parties, it is all just listening to what he is told to do. And his parents and siblings made that decision consciously. there was never any reason for him being neglected. not that kenix even knows of one! but it was like he was destined to be unacknowledged by them.
kenix was scared to take up space, because what if they find something to be angry about? Something to scold him for? Something to hit him for once again? he may be seeking attention but not in the form of being yelled at or having objects thrown at him. such treatment is still terrifying to him to this very day, a haunting memory at best. He genuinely felt like a little tiny being not deserving of attention with how obvious it was that his siblings were favored far more than him.his parents' treatment towards him made him think that he doesn't have the right to exist in this place without value or a purpose.
the neglect coming from his parents, the humiliation from his siblings. the embarrassment of being treated like a stranger whenever the family was in public. all of those factors reinforcing the idea that kenix is nothing of importance or relevance into his consciousness. kenix really just wanted to be free damnit.he yearned for it, he prayed for such salvation to come save him on a random day of his life but there was. No response as expected. he had never properly felt the warmth of the sun and freedom, only the cold air in his room at night. feels kind of suffocating in here, doesn't it? such a sheltered view on the world. It really is No wonder that kenix wished to escape this place. lacking social interaction and awareness of the outside world, , A shame, really
yi dal had been planning his escape from this god forsaken household for so So long, and he has finally been able to execute it when he was still a teen, about 17 years of age. An opportunity so perfect it truly felt unreal to him. An opportunity to finally feel the fresh air for himself forever and ever? you mean it you mean it you really mean it ?? <- deep down he was so Hopeful man. Man. the first time he was outside in nature by himself?? oh yeag. Yeag that felt like heaven that he himself couldn't believe in. feeling the grass beneath him, the light wind in his face, the chirping of the birds sitting on the trees. what else could he have possibly been missing out on? neither kenix or i know how he has survived about 16 years alone as a 17 years old guy with no social skills or concept of how the world really worked. he did make a fool out of himself but. He got the hang of it! Kind of! Normal social life was hard to get used to but!! ^_^
it truly was impossible for him to predict that at the age of 33, he would be found by his siblings and eventually tracked down, oblivious to what was planned for him. poor poor yi dal. only barely made to his early 30s and yet There It Is. Him laying on the floor, completely devoid of his ability to move his body. a small puddle of blood. Was it his blood? Was the blood of his brother he had manage to stab before being paralyzed? no reason to ponder that now, for he could only watch what was about to happen to him and. That was The Most amount of fear he had ever ever felt in his life. nothing could come close to how he felt when he saw his sister holding something in her hands, his brother following behind her. there were so so many things they could do. and it scared him on such a deep level that he didn't even know existed.
there he is now, a dead man walking and roaming the afterlife. the difference between him and azrael is that kenix acted upon his deepest desire only after he had been killed. the desire to avenge himself. to feel what it was like for his family. to be one of the higher-ups. To finally feel Superior. lusting for power in a way that breaks his morals (hence why this guy is assigned lust as his sin). a desire so strong it basically just Breaks Him Completely. In a way that leaves him so vulnerable that just. Makes him so easy to take advantage of. Disturbingly Too Easy. And that is exactly what fucking happens!!
"prometheus", or well, ephai is at fault here for that. no longer having a physical form, they saw a vessel so perfect in what was left of kenix. A soul that has been shattered into pieces since the start. Kind of. He needed just a little bit of a kick to fall over the edge and never come back to what he was. And they have seen it as an opportunity to prove the existence salvation to kenix. You Know. The guy that even fully gave up on religion and "salvation". And it worked of course it worked on kenix that Little Hopeless Thing— yeag. I could go on and on about kenix and prometheus but this is about azrael and kenix not these two's toxic relationship
prometheus is the key to kenix achieving his goals and in a moment of desperation. When he was offered a chance to avenge himself. To strike back at the people who degraded him the most. To feel in power. He didn't even hesitate to agree to the offer which lead to a little "contract" of some sort happening between them and that's just how kenix has been cursed. kind of like being oblivious to the fact that the salvation he was promised was a punishment in disguise. but it's not like he cares now.. . he has stolen fragments of powers from all kinds of divine beings, all for the sake of fulfilling his own wishes. trading his sanity for power. to the point of almost worshipping the one who has given him this opportunity and making ephai to be a divine entity
kenix himself though, is now more than just a god-like being. he is the flow of time himself. But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfucker! You are Not Alone in this! because to keep existing like this, he had to take the body of an alternate timeline version of himself. Which just so happened to be the Yi Dal from the main cast's timeline. Who was already part of the main cast. And so essentially while taking over Ken's body, he had to replace him altogether unless they switch hosts. which kenix forbid to do because Good God he doesn't want ken to have anything Really. reasons that i'll get to later because Yeag ^_^ another problem is that prometheus is Also There with them. a third wheel or something so no you got 3 whole separate people in a singular body
so now kenix got himself stuck in a situation where he has to keep up a kind of play. Not pretending to be the version of himself he has replaced per se, but to always appear calm, continue to be soft-spoken and amicable with a formal attitude. because such etiquette and manners are what have enforced into his subconsciousness by his family while he was still living in that household. The manners that have been engraved into his mind by his own will. The facade of not caring about his surroundings. He destroyed his chances to live normally for the sake of his desire. so now kenix just has to pretend that everything is fine when really. Really. he never felt like a person, let alone an indepedent one. it is always him being the shadow of someone else and not seen as someone of his own. previously being the shadow of his siblings and now to be the shadow of ken because. Kenix is not perceived as his own self. Not that he has an identity really! But we will Also get to that later ^>^
now to finally talk about azranix together. their relationship had a pretty Rough start i'd say. Like it wasn't bad! But with azrael's decision to purposefully distance himself from others.., it was Hard for kenix to get closer to him without exactly going against his boundaries. Yes, he did pay attention to when he was getting far too close for azrael's comfort. for what reason did kenix even try to get closer to azrael? Well You See ^_^ he just wants to playfully mess with someone! No other reason! Just innocent little teasing that's all! but both of them have started to note. A lot of things about each other. with azrael's distrust, he was very wary of everything single move coming from kenix. And kenix well just. Tried to notice all the details there are about the person he pursued to know. pure curiosity if you could say that. to azrael there was always Something that was off about kenix and to kenix there was always Something about azrael that peaked his interest.
at the start with how used azrael was with seeing people as some sort of assholes trying to ridicule him, he looked at kenix with a bit of disdain. What if he was also one of such people? Why would he try to seek azrael out of all people? There is that sense of cautiousness that haunted him and his actions. and kenix ultimately decided to become a non-threat in azrael's eyes. otherwise how could he get such an interesting and peculiar person to trust him? to lose on such a great opportunity? no! he had to do it. He Had To. (no no it's not for any particular reason you see, it is just. .)
with every single encounter they have had, azrael just kind of like. Questioned everything about this guy! What Is His Problem! Why Is He Trying To Pry On Me! and so on. and with enough amount of times of them meeting each other in various places, azrael just went "fuck it, i'll try to get the answers to my questions straight from him" and such thinking led him to the Confrontation part. with his frustration present, he really just could not wrap his head around the fact that someone wants to know more about Him. that someone would even find Him interesting. he is trying so hard to avoid such relationships for the sake of himself and. Others to some degree. That an idea that someone once again would want to be a companion to him is just a Bizarre Concept. and kenix answered his questions, albeit not exactly. only a smile and "Wouldn't you want a friend yourself, in this place?"
which is exactly what was needed to crack azrael's front, even just a tiny bit. perhaps kenix was right. this place was Lonely. So Incredibly Lonely. maybe even reminiscent of azrael's past. and that made him realize just how much worse the situation was. to finally be aware of he had to stay here like this for hundreds of years, if not thousands. If not for all eternity. Destined to slowly disappear into thin air. with a few other people who are just like you by your side. a reminder that everything that could've saved you has Abandoned You. Even the divine above have abandoned you. A reminder that there is no one. And nothing. that is coming to save them. He is Alone. And Will Be Alone. his decision to distance from his only source of human interaction has always been a self-fulfilling prophecy of him swallowing his own venom. denying himself everything out of envy and hatred that is wallowing inside him. like a serpent on his shoulder. azrael is just a self-fulfilling prophecy of self-destructive at times that it is like Hey Dude. Please Don't Continue To Do That.
realizing just how fucked up everything in this situation is possibly may have made him just a tinyyy bit Desperate. more willing to finally open up to others a little. more accepting of letting people into his life. It is so fascinating that a single question from kenix is what managed to change his mind. azrael letting his guard down after so long! truly a miracle that we Cannot tell the aftermath of. and thus azrael has started to seek kenix out on purpose while still noting more things about him. Trying to figure him out like what kenix has been doing this whole time, you know? if kenix gets to pry on his life, then azrael might as well just do the same
it was a slow, slow way of actually getting to know each other at a deeper level because kenix. Like always. has tried to keep his past and his general life a secret. A mystery of some sorts. he wasn't really an enigma, azrael just. Never could figure out things about his family, his past life and what else has brought him here like the rest of the sinners. there were always moments about his story that he always left out on purpose. he never went into detailing anything he explained about himself. giving azrael only (mostly) surface level bits of information about himself. and azrael well, did much the same because he still felt that kenix shouldn't be trusted fully.
despite all that, azrael and kenix did manage to start bonding more! they both learned more about each other's story and felt. Sympathy for each other's struggles. as well as bonding over facing the same Horrors™ each day and they just had to learn to get through it together. To survive the troubles with each other by their side. learning more about each other through such dangerous encounters with the unknown things unable to be communicated with. having to find comfort in each other's presence if you understand what i'm trying to convey here. which then evolves into far more intimate moments being shared between them both where one helps the other with his problems and their opinions of each other turning into "ohh so we are one of the same to some degree. then i'll trust you more because i have seen you struggle with the same problems i have in the same way i do"
with the circumstances they were in, they got attached to each other's company Pretty Easily. considering how both of them severely lacked such companionship in their lives. it was a change of pace for the both of them For Sure. after years and years of being together, the trust they built in their relationship was Incomparable to anything else to be honest. they knew each other so so So long that it is now like both of them wouldn't be able to get anywhere without each other. they both had their own reasons for pursuing each other in this sense in specific but for kenix. it always was a desperate attempt for find someone to be there for him covered up as curiousity. kenix has always and Always followed orders his entire life, at first from his family now to listening to whatever prometheus whispers in his mind. his decisions always had this underlying tone of not being by free will. he does what he is told to do.
But trusting azrael and trying his best to be a trustworthy person in his eyes is the first decision that kenix has done by himself. It was his own free will which wanted to befriend azrael in specific. clinging onto him, knowing that azrael could be the one person to understand his troubles. kenix is very much aware of his fate being abruptly ended at some point and he knows that it will come soon. It is only a matter of time. following the orders of prometheus is the only way he can buy himself time to survive. Because he Needs to.
He must persist and keep living. he grasped at the concept of him being allowed to live only if he brings value to others for this long that. he just couldn't bear the thought of becoming Nothing if he wasn't anything of such value. seeking attention and validation through all means possible. all of his terrific actions had no reason other than desperation for recognition behind them. A villain who seemed to be enjoying all of this has only done this for the sake of surviving an another day.
Yet. every time kenix wanted to actually open up to azrael, it turns into a blockage in his throat. Unable to speak up, becoming a voiceless being of some sorts., , the reason being the fear of rejection in his soul. Kenix had to grasp at anything that would've given him a purpose. being prometheus's vessel was exactly done out of that desperation he wasn't even aware of. without the facade, kenix is No One. there is No One behind his carefully curated formal facade. Nothing but an incoherent mess. kenix lacks an identity. But the lack of it, then, is his identity: nothingness, absolute null. All of his emotions and feelings have always been repressed and they continue to be repressed even now. So no matter how hard he tries to differentiate himself from others, he'll end up being someone unintentionally because there is No Originality in him. And that is exactly how there is nothing about his real "self" that he thinks people would want to stay for.
with how much kenix has been repressing his emotions, discarding them and thinking of them as "fake" because he thinks that anything he felt emotionally is a lie. Because he built his whole self on a lie. A lie that he wanted this. he has now managed to lie to himself. thinking that the affection and love he holds for azrael is not real. That their bond is not real. That if he tried to show what he has been hiding behind his front for years, he would drive azrael away from him. When their relationship very much is real! kenix has no idea how to tell what was true and what was fake in him apart, so he just decided to think that everything he feels is a lie
yet. The repressed feelings, the suppressed emotions. They're all still there. Forming an incoherent mess inside of his mind and body. but even then without that mass of emotions, there is nothing else about kenix that is distinct. pure nothingness. and it Truly Scares him to even think of a scenario where azrael finds out what hollow husk of a man kenix is beneath his facade. The fear that azrael would be disgusted. That he would see him as a lowly creature. so kenix can never be truly honest about himself with azrael out of fear that the only person who understood him will leave. he tries to be so careful when talking to azrael lest he would let something about him slip. he can't just lose someone him, no.
but azrael is patient with him, he always has been. he shall wait all the needed time until kenix finally gathers the courage. he may not know what kenix has been meaning to tell him this entire time, but he can see his attempts ever so clearly. kenix is trying his best and azrael wants to make sure that kenix knows that it's alright. azrael may not be an overly kind and positive person but. If it means that someone who needs to be reassured will hear it. Well then. . . yet kenix could never be able to wrap his head around how that could be true. because of how much he was used to the lie he convinced himself with. he has told himself the same thing over and over again so many times that finally being told the opposite truth is just Shocking to him. the fact that someone doesn't want him for his value but for who he is a person
to bring back a previous point, kenix's problem with ken too, is just how much ken makes kenix realize that he is the extra one of the two. Ken had a normal life, he had a normal family, he had everything, ken had it all !. and kenix had nothing to himself. All of it - stolen. it is not even his own physical body, but the body of the original. he is perceived as someone else, he is not distinct from that someone at all in the eyes of others. despite all of his attempts to show himself as an independent person, he will forever be considered. A shadow of someone else. a shadow of the original and it pains him. and now azrael and the other sinners are the only people to ever treat kenix like a person. not like he is somebody else. But his own self. And he couldn't be more grateful that they do. That Azrael Does.
yet he can't be honest. No. No that would destroy everything he has built. everything he has worked for. but the desire. The wish to stay true to the only person he ever would consider being honest with. it has only grown stronger. The reason why he hasn't managed to tell azrael anything is solely because kenix simply felt like it wasn't the time. it will never be the time. so his one and only option was to finally tell azrael his real name. Yi Dal. although it doesn't seem like much, azrael understood the importance of this to kenix. from connecting the pieces of kenix's past story from everything he has ever told him, he could figure out that kenix only has bad associations with his real name regarding his past.
maybe. Just maybe. he could change his view on his real name, the same way kenix changed his view on his surroundings. To become the positive association that is worth remembering whenever kenix is referred by his real name. To be that something to look back at fondly.
And then the Creature™ phases come around with each of them turning into some sorts of fucken beasts ^_^. the cursed forms that in all shapes and forms represent their desires and their inner selves. for each sinner and other curse bearers, these forms are different. but for azrael and kenix.
azrael's form is completely unable to speak in full sentences. it barely speaks Actually. seeming to be straight-forward but it only just shows how azrael was not able to speak out what he thought. he was all action and no talk. which is exactly how his rampage started. he only came to conclusions from so much overthinking and hasn't tried to communicate with anyone. he just thought ot everyone as a traitor and shallow people. it really highlighted just how much he trusted his jealousy and envy rather than confirming things for himself
yet the creature seemed. More over fine with kenix's presence. Like he wasn't just a little friendly being to him! he still lashed out and acted irrationally because this form reflected on azrael's loses and overthinking that jumps straight into conclusions! but he still acted less aggressive with kenix. he didn't need to overthink his actions because of the trust he has in kenix. a bond that was stronger than the envy whispering all sorts of things into his ears. He Knows that he doesn't have to doubt him. yet he is Stuck in this box. a labyrinth of constant hesitation to Trust not only others but himself too. he wishes to free himself from such shackles but it is hard. it has always been hard to let go and change his mindset when it always was his only defense mechanism from being hurt. all of these struggles shaping themselves as a scorpion, a serpent, a venomous creature. something that symbolizes hidden danger. and yet, kenix has found beauty and something to love in such a devasting depiction of his partner. the purest way to show what he truly felt. how much he just hid this somewhere inside of himself. something that he couldn't help but feel pity for
and kenix shall do anything to prove that even then. it's going to be okay. he knows it's okay. azrael has always told him it is alright to feel like this, so surely he meant it for everyone? all struggles will pass eventually and you'll become stronger than ever, that's what azrael has told him a long time ago. even if kenix doesn't see a future for himself, he wants to make that promising future for his only love. To help him become resilient Together. He knows that azrael can do it, he had been through so much. he know he could get through this as well and break free from the curse.
and as for kenix's cursed form and the overrall story it is. So much more .? ?. his cursed form is much more bizarre compared to others. a constant variation of geometrical shapes and other possible physical forms, emiting a some sort of glow. He has lost all of his human characteristics. The true form of his self. the mass of emotions and feelings that have been repressed for decades, even centuries, has finally spilled over. creating a mess out of himself. A fool now no longer bound to a facade but is now letting all of that anguish out. so much madness, frustration and sorrow suppressed in him that is now out in the open for everyone to see. a being no longer able to communicate, for he has turned into something that is only capable of Wails. Sobs out loud. Muffled screams of agony. so many emotions he had yet to properly address yet that it is all coming in as an overwhelming wave of terror. he can no longer hide himself beside a neatly made front
a seemingly unapologetic "villain" reduced to a sorrowful creature. a being so clearly desperate for freedom. to know who he is. to finally be free from these principles chaining him to a life of silence until his death. he feels that his demise is coming soon. and he can't do anything about it. for now he can only be a hostile monster. a vessel, a prophet for prometheus's salvation. because this was planned to be his end a long long time ago. this was his purpose. his only value. once this is done, he will be gone for too. finishing his duty, being allowed rest. despite how much he yearns to keep living. but kenix has always been about acceptance. acceptance of his fate. This Miserable Fate
yet azrael found himself only feeling sympathy, for this was the moment that he has finally learned about his partner's true feelings. and it hurt to hear someone so important and dear to him wallow in pain and anguish like that. that version of kenix was a hostile being, but he still so clearly needed help. he needed the courage to overcome this. to break free from prometheus's influence over everything he did because he never had confidence in such actions. and azrael wanted to help with just that despite their current barrier where they cannot understand one another. just like kenix helped him, he wanted to help kenix create his own future to look forward to. without death. with azrael by his side. to survive. to keep living just like kenix desired to this whole time.
the end of their chapters as cursed beings meant that the both of them could finally experience relief together. a moment of Bliss. the realization that it is over. they get to exist, unshackled from the burdens that once plagued their minds. a possibility for salvation. a chance to live without being bound to their past or their inner desires. just peace and tranquility, their one true wish
But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfuckers! Y'all forgot this shit was a death timeloop! With how i previously mentioned that the actual protagonist of the story, Yaku, has started a timeloop rooted in the desire of saving what meant the world to him that was dying at the end of the journey. The same kind of important people who cruelly had their lives cut short. And The only other character aware of this timeloop was well. Kenix! with this sudden ending of lives for most of the casts, azrael had also became a victim to these abrupt endings.
having to witness his love's life fade away before his eyes, it is only natural for kenix to also be shocked at the situation that yaku is also stuck in. and this scenario is exactly how yaku became the last one to be cursed, his curse rooted in his one biggest desire. a selfish deed covered up as an act of selflessness. their timelines' restarting, the flow of time now looping on and on until yaku manages to save everyone from these deaths
kenix had no control over this, he was forced to watch the protagonist and his nephew descend into madness over a singular goal. while also having to relive his entire life over and over again. a cycle of misery for everyone involved. the others would never be able to realize that this was a timeloop, so the first and the original time they had done this. Has became their script. that everyone, including kenix, had to follow until the end
of course in the first few loops, kenix had also tried to do everything in his power to ensure that his friends. that azrael. would be safe from their gruesome demise. yet their endings had already been written as part of the unchangeable fate by the forces above. neither kenix or yaku had a chance at succeeding. despite kenix's own attempts to save his partner, there was nothing he could do. he could only Watch how his impending doom was slowly getting closer
it was Painful. he could see azrael, he feel him, talk to him, interact with him in general just like normal. yet it wasn't him. no that could never be azrael ever again. that azrael felt surreal. abnormal. like he was programmed beforehand. there was nothing new about him and he felt so Off. Because kenix was aware that this is just the repeating of their original story. it's like he talked to someone playing pretend. his original feeling of "this doesn't feel real (positive)" when he first met azrael has turned into "this doesn't feel real. (derogatory)" kind of feeling. seeing azrael like this was just tormenting. a painful reminder that he will, one day, leave him not by will. and kenix will have to learn to live without him
to live without the person who had shown him love and how to love for the first time ever. a someone who had changed the course of his life so much. brought down what kenix had thought of the world and built it anew. keeping his silence about the truth because now. it was the only the thing that he could never ever tell azrael. what he had seen that day. None of it. for his sake.
perhaps, if they had never met here. if they had met at a different time.
In short, they are so fucking Doomed.
smth smth. Yeag. Good Fucking Lord They Make Me Sick
#there are so so many things kenix wants to tell azrael. yet that fear lingering in his heart that becomes the obstacle in his throat.#kenix is scared of rejection by the only person he loved but azrael never would reject him in the first place.#azrael had always been a guide to him in the situations that seemed like they had no way out of.#knowing that he always had someone to rely on. someone to come back to and greet kenix with open arms.#while kenix was something else for azrael. That someone that brought joy to his life. Like the nameless girl.#azrael will always seek out kenix. he'll find him through any means possible. to make sure that he's safe#he doesn't want to repeat his reckless mistake after all.#this is not even talking about how they both take care of the same 12 yr old girl (sora) who is part of the sins crew#essentially becoming her parents. growing even closer to each other#this whole thing is why i like the idea azrael and 2nd main story arc kenix interacting.#kenix in a far better state of mind still grieving the loss of his beloved people. getting to see that one special someone again#a bittersweet thought.#however. kenix would no longer ever seek that kind of love with someone else. what he had with azrael Was Special#forever immortalizing it by keeping azrael's ring he had gifted him and remembering his partner.#to find someone else is to betray his only love. And he could never bear the thought of having to live with that#azrael may have been deleted from this reality with no one else to remember him. But kenix will forever keep him in his heart#perhaps if things were different. they could still be writing their next chapter together.#but i guess there's no point in lamenting about that now Huh?#okay but actually. CRYING AND SOBBIJG AND POINTING AT THEM. GOD THEY MAKE ME SO SAD.#“they had such a close bond that they meant everything to each other” “yeah idk man They're So Fucking Gay For Each Other”#yomo ocs?!#yomoart#oc: kenix#oc: azrael
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I know I just rambled in the tag, but if you took the time to read all that, might I direct you to this post & my ramblings there as well~
Something about Zoro being one of the most misunderstood and mischaracterized characters in One Piece is funny (not haha funny, funny sad) to me because?? That’s literally how his introduction starts?? With people misunderstanding him and thinking he’s some big, monstrous demon who kills with cause and cannot be trusted or tamed.
Meanwhile the actual Zoro is a driven guy who is often both literally and figuratively directionless in life and found his goals in life through good people (first Kuina and then Luffy). He's tied up in the Marine base not due to those actual crimes he commuted (well not inherently anyway) but because he ‘disrespected’ a Captain's son and stood up for a little girl. He accepts the challenge they present to him and because Zoro himself is a guy that puts his money where his mouth is he assumes the Marines will uphold their end of the deal and let him go (note the actual shock when Koby tells him the truth)


He joins Luffy's crew but also outright says he’s not gonna let his goal take second place to Luffy or anyone else's for that matter, he bears the weight of two people's dreams, his heart isn’t going to be swayed by some pirate.
Speaking of Kuina, her impact and influence on Zoro's life isn’t talked about enough for my liking. She was Zoro's first friend, his first rival, his first goal. He looked up to her so much and his reaction to her passing cracks my heart in half every time because you can seem him just..go numb. Kuina, dead? Kuina, the strongest person he knows, gone? Kuina, who swore to him just yesterday they’d race to the top of the world together, doesn’t exist anymore. His blank face only cracking within the privacy of his sensei before he begs. He begs on his knees, tears streaming down his face please please please let me take Kuina's sword with me. Let me take our dream to a high neither of us could imagine. I won’t let her name die here.
On top of gaining the Wado Ichimonji that day Zoro also gained…fear. Not of death, well at the very least not his own, he gained his fear of not being enough. Kuina kicked his ass every way a person could and still died, what could someone like him do? So he trains…and trains…and trains some more. Overly, obsessively, constantly telling himself he’s not enough, he’s weak, he can’t protect anyone like this and everyone's death would be on him.
As for Zoro being cold and stoic that’s just…not completely true? He’s not stone, he can be excited or sad or angry just as much as most characters he just sucks at showing it canonically (Kuina thinks he hates her before their final fight after all). Sure he’s not as forthcoming about it as some of the other Strawhats but Zoro's more of an action guy anyway, he'll show his love with his protection and unwavering faith.
In conclusion, Zoro is a ridiculously stubborn, incredibly loyal, mildly emotionally constipated, do what you say/say what you mean kinda guy.
(Also that whole ‘Zoro would kill the whole crew if Luffy asked him to’ thing? Top ten stupidest things I’ve ever heard from the fandom and that’s saying a lot. He’s loyal not brainless and heartless guys if Luffy asked him to do that, he would never but I digress, Zoro would square the fuck up with him so fast. DPMO.)
#I think there's a lot of misunderstanding of Zoro's character within the One Piece Fandom (partly because let's be honest media literacy is#apparently not a common skill and tumblr do be the website where we piss on the poor lol)#I think there's this dumb fanon version of Zoro where people take memes about him a bit too seriously and start to view/characterize him as#this brainless uncaring stoic/emotionless cold dude who can't think for himself and is like a fucking zombie for Luffy#which I'm just like ?????????? bitch where?????? I know media literacy is hard 🙄but seriously are we even looking at the same source#material???? and the same character?????#I also think some people misunderstand how Zoro expresses his emotions tbh#He's someone who acts more than he speaks so he expresses a lot through action but that doesn't mean he can't or doesn't verbally express#his emotions or his wants and dreams in fact Zoro very clearly verbally expresses his feelings and dreams/goals quite a bit people just#choose to ignore or not acknowledge it because it doesn't fit into their funny fannon version of him#In a lot of ways Zoro just presents himself as a very traditional Japanese man when it comes it his emotions he's not super outward with#how he feels but it's very clear that he feels his emotions very deeply and cares very deeply for ALL of his friends#Zoro is very much a protector and there are many moments where we see him do a say things that make it VERY clear that he also has a clear#personal moral compass#he is a caring and compassionate character who while he /is/ rough and blunt at times is also soft (i'd like to site that one scene that#makes me cry when I think of it in Alabasta where Zoro washes Choppers back in the bath because that is such a soft and caring moment and a#very vulnerable thing to do I just ;-;) but while one of the most important things to Zoro is to protect his friends (which we see him do#over and over again without any instruction from Luffy - and I agree with op that it probably has A LOT to do with Kuina and the fact that#/he/ couldn't do anything to help or protect her and she despite her being the strongest person he knew she still died) Zoro still clearly#wants to and /does/ continue to pursue his dream#idk man I could write a whole essay about Zoro's character and how so many people don't seem to understand him or mischaracterize him which#is really sad because that happens to in in the actual series as well people make a lot of incorrect assumptions about Zoro#I think the in universe misconceptions/wrong assumptions about Zoro are very intentional on Oda's part tho#He wants the assumed view of Zoro as a cold hearted killer and a 'monster of a man' to be constantly contradicted by who Zoro actually is#and how he acts#I also find it so interesting how unbothered Zoro is by this perception of him by others because Zoro is a very self assured character#he knows who he is and while he has some pride it's not so fragile that he can't push it aside to see that he can be better#also op I can go on for a bit about how influential Kuina was to shaping Zoro into the person he is now and I agree that not enough people#talk about that or give their relationship enough credit#I have a whole side tangent about the way Zoro treats/acts towards women (ya know the thing that pisses off Sanji constantly) has A LOT to
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miscommunication too much communication 🗣️ soonyoung x reader.
an expansion from svt x reverse tropes. dedicated to @totomoshi, my love! ♡
FROM THE ORIGINAL POST
it's a little too hard to keep up with the string of confessions bursting out of soonyoung. the whiplash is dizzying, how he's going from talking about the way he felt when he first saw you, the crush that's been festering for weeks, the dream he had of you last night— and, oh, now he's on his knees. "soonyoung, please get up," you urge, horrified, but he stays on the ground. "isn't honesty the best policy?" he asks, eyes blown wide with overwhelming sincerity as he looks up at you. "c'mon, give me a shot! please, please, please!"
soonyoung who spams you with texts throughout the day. doesn't matter if you're on 'do not disturb'. he will hit that 'notify anyway' option, regardless of whether the text is load-bearing or not. you're lucky to get less than 20 texts in a day. his personal best is somewhere around 159 in a single day, which he's rather proud about.
soonyoung who will keep you on facetime for a minimum of three hours. he'll have you on call the entire night if he can manage, up until he gets that notification that his percentage is below 20 percent. waking up to the snoozing blonde on the other end of your long-forgotten video call is no longer a new sight.
soonyoung who will talk, and talk, and talk to you, no matter where you are. in a cafe? his hands are flying around animatedly as he gives you a play-by-play of his day. on the couch of your apartment? even better— he'll be playing all cute, trying to cuddle up in your personal space as he literally chats your ear off.
soonyoung listens as much as he speaks. you might think he doesn't, but he has a mental catalogue of every little thing you throw his way. a passing comment about your favorite candy as a child. that long-winded rant about an acquaintance you can't stand. he knows your coffee order, which shade of nail polish is your favorite, the songs that always make you cry. he is a wikipedia page of all things you.
soonyoung who is honest, because that's part of 'too much communication', isn't it? it's not quite bluntness; it's transparency. he's always gentle when admitting that you've hurt his feelings, or that he's been feeling a little lonely, missing you a lot more lately. one look at his face and you can already tell what he's about to say before he says it.
but you never have to guess. there are no mind games with soonyoung. he will dull the edges if he has to. he will agonize about how to break it, but he will break it to you, because he values the truth just as much as he cares for you.
soonyoung who is struck dumb when you confess to him, when you give him that piece of your heart that he's been patiently waiting on. he had imagined this moment; practiced his reaction in the bathroom mirror, even. he thought he'd be cool. maybe a bit suave. thank you. tell you that he reciprocated. instead, he finds himself robbed of every single thought clanging in his brain.
soonyoung is a man of many words, and yet you make him speechless.
› scroll through all my work ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ my masterlist | @xinganhao
#soonyoung x reader#hoshi x reader#soonyoung imagines#soonyoung fluff#hoshi fluff#hoshi imagines#svt x reader#seventeen x reader#svt imagines#seventeen imagines#svt fluff#seventeen fluff#── ᵎᵎ ✦ mine#── ᵎᵎ ✦ reqs
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soft heart shaped // brother's ennemy!rafe x innocent!reader
summary ; there was a fair reason of why your brother always keeping you away from the kook boys, even his own friends. there was also a fair a reason of why he wouldn't let you around his ennemy.
warnings ; +18 content. reader is kind of innocent but it doesn't involve rafe having a kink/or attraction about it. mean!rafe. intox kink/drugging. protective!brother. daddy issues. smut. oral(f&m r.). dumbification. daddy kink. light of violence. little age gap. mentions of stalking. soft!crybaby. p in v. dubcon. lil background. again, be aware of the warnings.
author's note ; as much as i love the brother's bsf trope, the brother's ennemy concept ran into my mind. i also wanted to add ; reader and her brother are kooks. it's not about pogues matters. i'm sorry if it's kinda shitty.
your brother always made sure you were safe and you had everything you needed. it was understandable knowing that none of your parents had been home for so long. he made sure that you always had what you wanted, and that you didn't have to lift a finger, or sweat a single drop to get it. all you had to do was ask for it to be wrapped in a gift at your bed. you were the youngest, the little princess who had to be spoiled and pampered, the one to whom we granted every whim, the one to whom we said amen without necessarily being a believer, the one we looked at hoping that she would always remain as beautiful and innocent, but also the one we always admired from afar because she wasn't allowed to be with boys alone.
your brother was one of those siblings who could have been the child prodigy if your parents were still around. he always had good grades at school, always praised by his teachers, and he knew how to play a musical instrument. It seemed that when you heard him playing the piano, you stopped crying. you had heard him play so many times, sitting on his lap, his hands sliding across the keyboard as he gently pushed your fingers on the piano keys, hoping that a few notes would calm you down.
he was protective. he had always lost interest in other girls just to only care about you. he was protective because he didn't want you to suffer, and because he knew the kook boys. even though he hated pogues, he knew you'd be safer with one of them than one of those rich boys with so many privileges.
one of them was particularly his enemy. rafe cameron. the one and only son of ward cameron. the businessman who controlled the island but was also one of your father's former best friends. you had seen him so many times in your house with all his children and his trophy wife.
rafe had always been a little weird around you. he always said he was there for your brother but it was always you he looked at. he always found an excuse to be with you. sometimes you wonder if it wasn't a question of ego.
you knew he and your brother didn't get along. they were always arguing and fighting. “I forbid you from hanging out with him.” your brother had warned you once, after coming back with an ugly black eye on the face. “is that him? " you asked shyly, swallowing hard. his gaze was fierce. “exactly. that’s why you have to listen to me. ”
did that necessarily make Rafe Cameron a dangerous person? You wondered because your brother could also be very violent. never towards you. but towards others.
could rafe cameron attack princesses like you, didn't you deserve better treatment? you were always so confused.
but one day, you knew that your brother had shot Rafe at a party. and after that he was gone, nothing more. you were alone at home. there was no one left.
He didn't respond to your messages or your calls. if he was no longer there, there were no more rules, no more prohibitions, right? you were totally free. you could wear the clothes you wanted, talk to whoever you wanted, come home at the time you wanted, go wherever you wanted. you no longer needed permission or approval. you no longer had any chains.
so you went to this kook party that everyone was talking about and that Sarah absolutely wanted you to come. she said you needed that, rather than staying alone in your castle.
When you arrived there, your heart was racing. Sure, your brother wasn't there to judge you, or tell you to go home, but you had the impression of feeling his warning dark stare through all these people looking at you.
you wanted to turn around, to run away. you heard people talking, music blaring from the speakers, all these drunken bodies pressed together which made you even more transparent. It wasn’t long before you started smelling like alcohol, drugs, and sex, the scent exploding in every corner.
while you were still thinking about leaving, you moved away but your back hitted someone's chest. a hand was placed on your shoulder to hold you close then a slightly mocking chuckle was heard in your ear.
“Careful, baby. "
you turned to confront the person. “rafe. " you announced without surprise.
"Such a face. I might think you're disappointed."
“I was looking for Sarah.”
“It’s a shame. She’s not here.”
“I’m leaving then.”
"I'm afraid you're not going anywhere." he mocked gently.
you looked at him strangely. he was there in front of you, with a drink in his hand, and his body was blocking your way.
“It’s not a game.”
“oh princess, it’s not because you don’t play that no one plays. and you see… when I look at you in this ridiculous tight outfit and especially alone, I really want to play.”
“you’re sick.” you replied.
"yes." he simply replied "but baby, everyone knows it, it's not a secret. on the other hand..." he leaned over to whisper something in your ear. “i would like to know how much you are too willing yourself to come to my party without your brother to protect you.”
“I don’t need him.” you defended yourself, stepping back so as not to be seen so close to him. “I’m a big girl.”
"yea, such a big girl. look at you, you managed to dress yourself." he teased you with a laugh. “ i'm joking, i admit you're pretty. why that face, baby ? i thought that little dress of yours wanted some rafe validation. ”
“you’re really not funny.”
"I think above all that you should relax. and I can help you with that..." he suggested softly. but all his sympathy was so fake. “have a drink.”
you laughed sarcastically and his smile widened. he had followed you into the crowd, acting like a bodyguard so you wouldn’t get lost among the people. he placed an arm around your waist, the size of his hands groping at your hips, pretending to be a gentleman when this kindness was purely ridiculous.
“don’t touch me. ” you snapped.
“too late. i just did.” he replied. “If you didn’t want me around, you shouldn’t have come here. you don’t make the rules in my house. ”
“It’s called harassment.”
“oh isn't-it a big word for little girls like you? is that what your bro told you to say if i touch you? ”
it was so annoying to see him openly making fun of you. to believe that you had not grown or evolved for him.
“Do you want a drink?” he asked kindly.
“you think you’re going to drug me without my knowledge?” you laughed. " Nice try but forget about it."
he took a sip of his drink and responded with an emotionless voice. “you’re wrong.”
"what? you would never have drugged me? stop lying."
"no I mean. I wouldn't have done it without your knowledge." and he left with a smirk.
you grimaced before taking a drink at the bar. you had inspected the inside before drinking it because you didn't trust anyone here. and Sarah wasn't there which was weird since her boyfriend, Topper was there.
you had managed to relax after several drinks, and you wanted to take a seat on the huge sofa in the salon but it was full. so you found a space upstairs in one of the empty rooms.
you had barely sat down on the bed when the door was already opening to reveal someone. rafe cameron. again.
“are you stalking me?”
"I'm not sure you'd like the answer, baby. but I'll let you guess. after all, you're a big girl."
"Can you stop doing that? Do you think I'm scared because my brother isn't here anymore?"
"you see, I didn't really like the fact that he shot me. Do you know how much it hurts to be shot? No, I'm sure you don't. Little princesses like you have no awareness of the real world, right? ” he knelt between your legs, keeping them apart with a hand, and lightly pinching your forehead to get into your brain. “ If we don't tell them anything, they know nothing. ”
"I'm not stupid. I know it hurts but I didn't do anything to you. I'm not my brother."
“yes, you’re pretty.” he admitted, caressing the inside of your thighs, massaging them slowly to get your attention. "so pretty that you always got what you want when you want, right? but it's not really fair to me. I've never had that privilege. but you... you're an angel , a blessing, will you grant it to me?”
using your kindness against you, no one had ever done that to you. you were always so nice to people. you were incapable of saying no, of resisting, of being mean. This was far from your behavior.
“What do you want?”
" This. ” he had lifted the bottom of your dress gently, before revealing your panties, and revealing your pussy.
“Are you looking for revenge?”
“I would never do such a thing. I have always liked you. You're sweet…” he placed one of his fingers against your pussy, sliding it against your slick without pushing them inside your walls, just enough to leave them sticky with your wetness. he also caressed your swollen clit, addressing little circles to make it throb under his touch. you gasped loudly, his thumb playfully toying around your bullied nub. you didn't know what he was looking for but when he started to touch you more insistently, you wanted to close your legs but he blocked them with a hand to force you to let them spread. “ stay still, i'm not done. ”
he wanted to get a wide view of your pussy clamping against his fingers, to see how obedient and a good girl you could be when it came to sex.
“so sweet…” he said as he fingered your glistening cunt, forcing the stretch of your hole with strengthful strokes.
you were so tight he could feel each of his fingers moving inside you as you were grinding your hips to them. but more importantly your walls were clenching around them. the sound was obscene and viscous, as you welcomed every vibration inside your body. you were hot and your mouth was filled with breathy moans. his pace was fast and gentle as if he didn't want to hurt you. “ here it is…that's a big girl right now…”
all his three fingers were buried inside you. their thickness brushing every corner of your walls. he lighty sped up, leaving you to gasp louder while his digits ruined you. “ look at you, sweet angel turning into a little whore. is that what dad and big bro left the home, because they can't handle you anymore ? ” he rushed a deep stroke as he spoke, causing your back to arche widely and sobbing more.
you turned your head, trying to get his raspy voice and mean words out of your mind but you were a little dizzy. he was annoying with all this teasing and you can't barely stand it. but with his fingers buried in your sore insides, he had the control of your whole body. he got your pussy so easily on his side,stuffing your slutty core, and fucking you all way from to the hitting spot that was made you scream harder. he was driving his fingertips so hard that hot rush of tears was flowded over your cheeks. he didn't shut you up even if you were still at the party, because he wanted to hear you, from the little cries and sniffles, to the breathy voice and spitting babbles over your mouth. his fingers were so quick and you wanted to try to make him slow down by placing a hand on his, but that only motivated him to go faster. you had no choice but to squirm, while his gaze bore into your face.
you flushed, as he was working his fingers further in your cunt. he was hard for you to the point he started to feel the pain of boner in his pants. the music outside the room was nothing against the sloppy wet sounds of your pussy over his digits. the way he was pressuring your clit while making evil and forceful back and forth in your hole was enough to make you lose your mind.
you thought he was going to leave after making you cum, that he had gotten what he wanted but you were wrong.
he had searched for something in the drawer. a bottle of lube. and you thought that was it.
when he was back at you, his cock was wet and glowy with some substance. “i'm gonna make you very pretty, baby.” he said, before tearing your lips in two with his tip, forcing you to open your mouth wider and take him.
he pushed his cock into you without warning, leaving you no choice to do your job. you wrapped your hand around the end of his shaft, while your mouth sank around his member. you had started to suck him, your lips forming a tight but deep well around his cock. everything was wet with your own saliva. you could feel his stomach twitch every time you pumped his hard cock until it bulged inside you.
he had grabbed your hair with one hand, accompanying your head in your movements, leaving your mouth shaping in an o. you thought everything was fine, but you had started to feel a little dizzy, and also to feel your body getting a little weaker. rafe was turned on. and with the strange feeling that currently warmed your body, you couldn't maintain the pace anymore so he took care of it, driving your little lips to his dick. you were sucking as he was feeding you all his length inside your mouth, shoving it enough to make you gag and hurts your throat. a smirk appeared on his face when you became extremely needy, literally lapping at the leaking tip of his dick like a pup with wide round open eyes. “ yea, try to catch daddy's dick..come on you can do it... don't you want to own it ? ” he was giving you fat and strong slaps with his dick on the side of your cheeks, as you were trying to run your tongue against it.
he took back the stream of saliva in your lolling tongue before fucking your mouth at an insane pace. he doesn't care that you couldn't breathe and that your eyes were teary, he just wanted you to be sucking at his dick.
you giggled when he pushed your body back onto the mattress, while you couldn't really stand on your feet. he was on top of you, standing with all his big frame that was making you ridiculously smaller than him. he had spit into his fist before stroking himself, making sure all his shaft was wet and nice. “see? I told you I could make you feel better. "
and he pushed his dick you with such a sharp thrust that you whined. since your hole was still a little tight, he had forced your walls slightly. you panted, choking on each of his other strokes. you were euphoric and your unsteady body fucked hard against the mattress. “Come on, baby. nothing fun anymore? i thought you wanted to laugh. ” he mocked your tears with another rough push, sending you waves of pleasure and shivers.
he was fucking your pussy like a beast, bruising your cervix with such a primal need. you were now such a mess, babbling and crying because of him, because of the way his dick was bullying your insides. it felt so good but you could feel some pain.
as he used your cunt, taking all the space of your entire hole, rafe was delighted. no, he wasn't going to cry or regret because you decided to be a crybaby. he was going to continue fucking you until you were completely senseless and his cock fully empty.
he always hated your brother. it was like that. it was ward's fault who told him he was the son he never had. rafe couldn't help but be jealous of this relationship that his enemy and his father had. he felt erased. and you, the perfect little princess who was never blamed for anything, who was always in her own corner, he couldn't hate you, even less blame you. but he could still use you.
you were the perfect victim. you were so clean and innocent. and your brother loved you so much that rafe felt obligated to hurt you.
you were like a doll, a stupid doll with no brain that he could control so easily. you were helpless, each thrusts slamming so hards. he was forcing your head to stay, holding it into his palm. “I know, baby. i know how you feel, but it's gonna get worse if you don't let it go. "
you weren’t really sure what he was talking about, you didn’t really understand what he was saying. you were in another dimension. you could see but it was slightly blurry. his tall figure was moving above you, words were being said but you were just there, a trembling smile over your lips, a tipsy look, and crying completely out of sync with the situation.
only rafe knew the truth. you didn't feel like that because of the alcohol but the drugs that had been added with the lub. the drug quickly took effect. your body had been in possession of the substance in a few minutes but above all under its submission.
“you're so pretty. should i send a photo to your brother? "
you didn't even wince at the brother. you just laughed like it was the funniest joke you had ever heard. “Let’s play a game. you wanna play games? "
you nodded. one of the rare gestures that you managed to do fully. rafe had smiled before caressing your face. “ can you feel the inches inside you? "
you nodded with a little giggle. “if you guess the exact number, daddy's will give you all the orgasms you want and need like the princess you're. if it's wrong, you let daddy use you for the rest of the night.”
it was evil. he knew you wouldn't have the answer because you couldn't think.
“Come on, baby. don't let daddy's win the game. ” he said so softly in your ears, but his voice sounded so fake.
you tried. one time. three times. until your chances were exhausted.
“'s too bad. doesn't matter, i bet you wouldn't guess earlier all the fingers i've got in you. "
you pouted, and he just fucked you harder, rushing the pace into you to an insane one. this time, your whimpers were muffled beneath his large palm.
“ it's okay, baby. you don't need a brain when you've got such a perfect tight pussy. “
he was big. you could feel it. there was a rough strength in his thrusts. your body was pleading against his heavy one. you hated to feel like such a crybaby around him but you couldn't help.
all those tears on your cheek were real, even the saliva coating your lips, and the sniffles wetting your nose. you couldn't fight against his control.
since there is no one around you, you were craving for some attention. and rafe was giving you the one who needed, only by a simple sentence. he started the conversation with you, he was looking at you while you speak and he's listening like he cares when you know he don't. he was touching you and standing close to you like you really exist.
you shouldn't be with him. your brother warned you a lot. rafe cameron was the type of guy who doesn't fit girls like you as he said. he also said that Rafe doesnt love and only damage. he was toxic for you.
but wasn't it also toxic to listen to your brother all your life ? you were not a little girl anymore.
Rafe had filled your pussy with his cum, invading the tight canal of your pussy to the point it was coating your slit. he slipped out his dick before milking it and spreading every leaking drop over your body until there was nothing left.
he made you clean all his fat length with your mouth, feeling the pleasure holding him when you start to lick all of his cock. your tongue was already wet, but now sticky with drool and cum. you pushed your needy muscle to lap at the reddish dick, watching the face of your brother's enemy with little eyes as you were cleaning the mess.
“I bet your brother now has a real reason to hate me. " he said with a playful tone.
“ Rafe...”
“you can stay here. it's not like you can go anywhere with the substance inside you… but don't worry, i will be back. ”
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Tags: Manipulative masochistic yandere, mean annoyed reader, stalking, yandere behavior, isolating, cursing, hair pulling, choking, he does a lot of stuff without consent.
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"Hellooo~? There you are. I've been looking all over for you. Where have you been? Don't tell me you're avoiding me..." Your stalker whined in that annoying tone, making you roll your eyes almost instinctively. "Because I'll be really, really sad."
You shifted on the grass you were sitting on, debating on whether to stay or flee. It didn't matter. He would follow you around until you gave in and talked to him.
He sat beside you, too close for comfort. You finally looked at him as he made a small whimpering noise. You knew that indicated him crying crocodile tears if you continued your negligence. "You're driving me insane with your bullshit."
"Aww, are you getting tired of little ol' me?" He smirked. He knew you hated when he acted all cocky, so he decided to pout instead. Looking up at you with a soft, innocent look. "But... but I've done so much for your attention. Look, I even wore this pretty sweater for you."
"I don't give a shit. It's not going to change my view of you. You're a fucking nutcase. It doesn't matter what you do, I'm still gonna reject you."
His face fell. A blank look on his face. It was always scary when he showed no emotion. Like you were getting a glimpse of his true self. You shifted your gaze away, unable to control the shivers you got. Were you too harsh? He always acted so fake. You could never tell what he actually thought.
"You say that, but you'll miss me. I'm the most interesting person around!" His cute smile returned. He clasped his hands together and brought it up to his cheek. "You won't admit it because of your big ego. But I know. Under your cold exterior, there's a softie."
"If I want you around, it's not because of that. It's because of your psychological manipulation, dumbass. The love bombing? Ring a bell?"
"Ah, so you admit it! You do care about me! You want me around. I'm your favorite, right~?" He leaned his cheek into his hand. Batting his eyelashes at you to drive you more crazy. "Might as well go ahead and accept me. I'm not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere. It's meant to be!"
"Ughhh, fuck!" You cursed, slapping your forhead. He did this often; twisting your words into something totally different. "Every single fucking day. It's the same thing. You and your delusions. You won't accept my rejections."
"Then we'd never be together." He commented. He furrowed his eyebrows to show confusion, putting his hands on his lap. "We've come so far already. And I know one day, we'll finally be together! Who knows, maybe today is the day."
His head tilted, and he smiled brightly at you. The gesture making your blood boil. He knew how to act right, to seem more attractive to you. His practiced smile and the quiet mumbled voice drew you in. The weirdly submissive side of him appealed to you. As if he was waiting for you to finally take control of him.
Despite all that, you couldn't look past the creepy things he has done. There were the "coincidental" meetings he admitted to being stalking, stating how he couldn't be apart from you for so long or how he was bored without you. The small souvenirs that he collected, like your hairclip, to put on his hair, or even the bigger items that he took, like your hoodie, to wear and show how he was yours. He tried to isolate you as much as he could. Sticking close to you wherever you went. Finding sneaky ways to get rid of other people around you. His unhealthy obsession was slowly ruining your life.
You've gotten used to it all. Not fazed if he did something stupid for your attention. He tricked you into going on dates with him so many times. You were practically dating. It was hard to admit it to yourself, but you had a soft spot for him. For some weird reason, you enjoyed his company. You enjoyed playing with him. He was entertaining. Interesting.
He suddenly crawled behind you, his hands grasping your shoulders. "You're so tense." He leaned in to your ear and whispered. "You've been on edge for a few days now. Do I really scare you that much?"
You scoffed. "What do you think?"
"Please, I'm harmless! I should help you relax. Treat you to a nice massage." He began to rub your shoulders and slowly moved closer to your neck. His hands worked skillfully to press against your tensed muscles. Drawing circles and kneading your flesh. "Maybe more physical intimacy will help. Something different, perhaps?"
He took advantage of your lack of fight and relaxed state. Throwing his arms around your waist, hugging you from behind. His face nuzzled against the crook of your neck as he inhaled and breathed out a sigh. "I love your smell. I gotta buy your perfume. Well, I have your clothes, so it's kinda the same thing. I never get tired of smelling you~"
"Seriously?" You mumbled. Your skin pickled from his warm breath. The feeling of him sniffing you with his nose brushing against your sensitive skin gave you small shivers. His grip on you grew tighter as you tried to move. His grasp on you almost suffocating. You kick the grass in exasperation. "Augh... Fuck you."
"Is that a promise~?" He giggled and rubbed his nose against your neck more deliberately. "I love the way you talk to me. Always so aggressive. So passionate~ You only act this way towards me. Like I'm special to you."
"Haah..." You clenched the grass beside you. Fingers poked with their pointy heads while you hold onto your anger. "You always do what you want. I never gave you permission to hug me."
"You need it. It'll calm you down. Take away all that stress. And! And.. I give the best hugs ever." He squeezed you tight against his chest. "But if that's not working, I can always try something else. Something that feels even better."
Before you could protest, he began to kiss your neck. Placing long, soft kisses against your skin. Finding the right spots that made you shudder. "Ah...! Hey-?!?"
You struggled against him, but he was determined. Weirdly strong for his short stature. His hands pulled your shirt lower so he could have more access. Kissing along your neck to your shoulder. His tongue joined in between the pecks. It brushed over your skin, coating everywhere with saliva. He lapped at your skin, drawing a line from the bottom of your neck all the way up. Goosebumps covered your body. Your cursing and protests still being ignored.
You reached a hand up to his hair, pulling it, trying to get him to stop. "You're crazy! Let me go."
"Nngh!" He moaned out. You couldn't win with him. Anything you did, he loved. Treating him like garbage or ignoring him completely. He was utterly devoted to you. "Oh, that felt good. Do it again. But harder. Pretty please~"
"Fucking masochist. How did I end up with someone so messed up?" You tugged his hair again, more firmer this time, making him moan louder. He started doing different things to your neck, sucking and nibbling on the skin. You couldn't control the small grunting noises from spilling. "I swear, if you leave a mark, I'll choke you to death-!"
He seemed to like the threat. His movements becoming frantic. He was definitely leaving a mark. Just to despite you. "Mmh~ Feels good..." His hands started to rub under your shirt. His nails digging into your skin.
He panted against your neck as you stopped. You rubbed his scalp instead, enjoying the feeling of his soft, well-cared hair between your fingers. He nuzzled against you, hugging you loosely. "Ahh... You didn't struggle as much as I thought. Did I change your mind? Do you believe me now when I say that I won't ever leave? Oh, that reminds me. I think it's about time I move in with you."
"What the fuck are you going on about?" You sighed in annoyance. His love was driving you insane. There was so much a person could take until they compromised with the weirdo who wouldn't leave them alone.
"Oh, come on! I've been waiting forever. I'm moving my stuff in first thing in the morning."
You pushed him away with force. Pinning his shoulders to the ground and climbing on top of him. "You're makin' me really angry. I don't want you around. Why can't you get that through your thick skull?"
He chuckled, looking up at you. "I'm not giving up on us. Ever. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not. Plus, you've got nobody else to turn to, remember?"
"Ughh." Your hands close around his throat with force. "You act this way to provoke me. You enjoy this. Do you get off when I do these things to you? Hm? Is this what you want? I can't believe I actually fell for you. Good-for-nothing stalker."
He arched his back and closed his eyes, humming slightly. He was enjoying every second of this. You tightened your grip. The lack of oxygen making him squirm underneath you, but he knew you'd never kill him. His hands grabbed your knees. He just had to touch you in some way. Clingy as ever. The tent in his pants no surprise to either of you.
"I wanna do something that'll make you speechless for once. You're always doing unexpected things to me. Well, how about this?" You leaned down and kissed him. Pushing him further down and roughly shoving your tongue past his lips. Secretly, it was an excuse for you to be reminded of the sweet cherry taste in his mouth. (You knew tasted like that on purpose to lure you in.)
This wasn't your first kiss. He frequently planted small pecks on your cheeks and "accidentally" on your mouth. Though, after the second time, it was obvious he was doing it on purpose. While you kept protesting, you couldn't deny the spark you felt when your lips met. It felt good— unfortunately, it seemed like this batshit crazy guy was your only option. And the only option you'd ever choose.
He groaned softly, relaxing and allowing you to do whatever you wanted with him. Kissing you back with passion and true devotion. He always emphasized how he was yours to use. You pulled away to look at the smirk on his face, your hands cupping his cheeks. Squishing them together. "Don't look so happy. This doesn't mean I'm accepting you. I just, sometimes, like using you. But you're not moving in."
"We'll see about that. I bet I can change your mind." He commented, leaning his cheek to your hands and chuckling. "I have a few compelling arguments. I can cook. I can clean. I can do anything you want me to. So, won't you please reconsider? Pretty please?"
Pt. 2
#yandere#yandere oc#desperate yandere#obsessive love#yanblr#dom reader#male yandere#sub yandere#yandere male#yandere boy#yandere x you#yandere x y/n#yandere x reader#masochistic yandere
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