#is it really that bad to not want to share a server with the mf that likes japanese kids a lil too much

[yooniesim]

yall really will let these mfs get away with anythaaaaang as long as they post some shitty looking cc for ya huh

[universal-kitty]

Alright. The Solasposting is going beneath the cut- as written as it was on Discord- because if I try to force myself to make any of those into something that makes sense enough for a text post... I'm probably just going to put it off forever. 😔

And if my server has to hear it, then y'all are gonna have to, too!!!

Okie, let's go-

I am getting scruffed by the back of my neck by Solas OTL

His angst compels me.

—

HE’S SO ANGSTY BUT THE HEARTACHE IS SO BITTERSWEET…..

And like. Not even bad… The sweet aspects are haunting my brain.

—

[once I got onto my laptop-]

Like. The whole thing of keeping secrets. Carrying the guilt of failing a whole people, and trying to right it, while only able to ever seemingly select wrongs. Had he even loved anyone, before it all? Certainly not during it; by the time Solas was awake again, guilt was consuming him in waves. He was weak, and could only put together a history he'd missed... Regrets formed out of a love for the people he was most fond of.

...And yet, it's out of those broken people that they happened. Idc on anyone being like, "I want to romance him as [other race]," THE POINT IS the poignance of him looking at an "echo" of his true people (an elf!!), and yet..... He knows he shouldn't, and yet.......

I am ILL with the fact that he loves the Inq. I've seen a post arguing/wondering it. He does. Does he love them more than trying to correct his prior mistake...? Alas, no. AND YET HE DOES LOVE THEM!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH

—

OH, OH AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO MENTION....... My favorite.

Cam's my P1 for my Dragon Age experience. Playing as an elven mage, cause fuck it, I'll be everything he wants me to be. No regrets, babeyyyy!!!!

Anyways.

—

The same mf who's like. "Oh, we shouldn't." / "I don't want to lead you on or encourage these things."

Is the same mf who attempts to dissuade romance/interest in him and then initiates both of the kisses I've seen so far.

HE'S REALLY OVER HERE LIKE, "We shouldn't................ Unless-? "

{ Edit / Note: Funnier bc I half-lied here?? By accident?? Technically, the first kiss goes to Inq. for kissing him in the first place; they're the one to jump the minor, street blockade to kiss him in the first place!!! BUT-!!!! When their confidence to continue and pursue it further fails more than a...rather chaste kiss, Solas is the one to shake his head, and pull them in for more.

{ He very much did not have to!! He has a temporary regret over it, even, how he caved right quickly to his desires...and yet, if Inq gives the nudge of, "No, I do want this," he doesn't...stop it, either. He relents just as quickly.

{ ...I think he's just very funny (in a "I'm going feral over the Meanings" kind of way) that... For someone who's got so much going on. Looots of baggage he was hesitant to share? He really doesn't hold himself back as much as he gives HIMSELF credit for..... LOL! I love him so fiercely. }

Waking up randomly at 7 AM with full consciousness to go:

Also. For someone who brings so much hurt, he never hurts the Inquisitor….

Like. There are no fights. He can be a bit on edge or defensive, but the moment he is called out for it/pointed out, he apologies, puts down his hang-ups, and continues to speak with clarity on whatever was troubling him.

He’s not wholly truthful, of course; he had doubts until the end if he could trust his own love…..

But holy fuck, you can call him out on that.

In the DLC, you can legit point out to him, “Did you think I’d reject you? That I wouldn’t hear your side?”

I’m so. Hhhh- [posi]

{ Note: Yes, I did legitimately wake up with full consciousness one morning. Go, "Solas! I need to talk about Solas," and then wrote all of that. In one go. The powers of this romance arc, ig!! }

—

I get to sit front seat and watch this all go down with my chara… Agony. /aff

Worth it, tho. I got into this series for this damn egghead, and I’m not backing down, even knowing all I know!!!

—

…also The Veilguard is on its way, and. Our prior relationship to Solas- in Inq- is going to matter and…I keep wondering to how much of a degree????

Literally been half-begging Cam that our first chara in Veilguard is in the same world as my Solasmancer…just to see what that’d mean for Veilguard… (It’s also been 10 yrs in game?? Is my Inq okay?? Solas, are you still keeping an eye on them????)

—

Lines that've been haunting me:

Lavellan sometimes came awake from dreams in which her lover watched her sadly from across an endless distance. If they were more than simple dreams, she could not say, for every time she reached for him, he vanished into nothing.

—

And fun fact-!! In an era where elves were long lived and, essentially, immortal, they lost their hair after a millennia of age! (Solas falls into this category, of course.)

—

He also doesn't like tea. I am finding that oddly charming abt him...

—

I am. Trying not to cry in public AS IT ALL CLICKS—

The obsession not just w/ the angst, but the specific flavor of, “Let me love you. I want to love you, so please… Let me in. (You love me, too, and I won’t let you run from that.)”

[SCREAMS!!!!!]

—

I want to hold his stupid (lovely) hand and pull the damn cork on all he’s been holding back, so I can hear his stories!! The history he was there for, without trying to obfuscate the truth of it!!!

I can’t handle this, what da hell……………

MORE FUN FACTS ABT SOLAS!!!!!

He has worn a wig before!!! He tried to fake being a bard, was succeeding....except his dumbass wasn't drinking the tea he ordered...and he later admits, "Yeah, I was trying to not be obvious in every way, but, uh.... Yeah, still don't like tea. LOL"

Anyways, this is relevant bc he wore a wig as part of his disguise!! It was blonde and fluffy, apparently. (And they recently confirmed he probably still has it, ehehe)

—

I REALLY-

Anyways. I'm too badly down for the elf.

—

Trying to do my damned Elvhen language study and.

Person went into talks over how words sharing meanings work w/ the confession Solas did. The feelings hit so hard, I legit feel unwell, ahaha. /lh (It's not srs!! We are fine.)

—

I'm. Hggghhhhgghgh.

—

WHATEVER, I'm sharing my agonies w/ everyone here:

For example, the now loved phrase that Solas tells the player in a romance: "Ar lath 'ma vhen'an." While in the game it is written as "Ar lath ma vhen'an," I believe this is incorrect (I am love you home? huh?). In this case, 'ma is a contraction of mine. Translated literally it would mean "I am love, my home," (remember, 'to be' can be implied). It should be noted that 'home,' has many translations within Elvhen, as they are a very symbolic people. They have a different word for the literal (arla), conceptual (in), and symbolic (vhen'an) meanings for 'home.' In the case of vhen'an, this is the symbolic meaning, which is why a second translation for vhen'an is 'heart.' "Ar lath 'ma vhen'an." I love you. You are my home. | I love you. You are my heart.

—

MY HEART NEARLY SQUEEZED TO ITS END CAUSE OF THOSE PARAGRAPHS

I need everyone to "suffer" with me.... The romantic agonies...

—

Like... Holy fuck. Saying "you are my home" AND "you are my heart" at the same damn time????

Anyways,

—

[ Redacted piece where I go into new depths of Oh No, My Emotions over gifs of his romance scenes... 1) I do not want to grab new gifs/the gifs rn! 2) I am losing my mind again. I'm going to replay this game at some point?? Help. ]

Update: I'm about to start crying at my desk.

What I wanted: need some sappy romance shit in Elvhen. What I got: Learning abt the Fade & tombstones appear in a scene that show everyone's worst fear. Solas' is.....dying alone.

SOLAS HAS CONFIRMED TEA THAT HE LIKES!!!! A WIN FOR TEA!!!!!!!

Q. “Does Solas have a type of tea he doesn't mind as much as others? Or are all of them equally detestable?” A. "Orange zinger."

{ TL;DR of points beyond this... I guess I'm going to try orange zinger tea at some point, just to see what the hype's about! That, and I saw some recipes when I looked it up, so I suppose I'll be trying those, too...? Seems fun, at the least! }

You are now up to date on whatever accursed things are running through my mind at this time.

[mickmeasley]

Day 3 of me having a tumblr

Thought I might, at least just this once, journal my experience on tumblr so far, gonna do it in just a list in the order in which i vaguely remember it happening. Here goes.

>frontloaded my account with this mess of tags:

>kicked off my account with a blogpost about it being my first post like a corny mf

>posted some human designs, one i had literally just made which might have prompted me even making an account (bill) and some i had on the backburner (blitzo and stolas)

>posted spicy hot takes to the thunderous cheers and jeers of nobody because nobody really follows me yet :p

>looked up and followed these tags (in reverse of the order in which i searched them):

>got bombarded with weird gay hypnosis erotica with AI generated images and miscellaneous gay fetish shit when looking up #bowtie and subsequently taught myself how to filter tags so i don't ever see that shit again good fucking lord

>"jokingly" let an inside thought spill out in front of someone i followed and they responded "getting blocked speedrun" which led to me experiencing agonizing amounts of cringefail and begging them to forgive me and pretend i didn't say that oh god why am i like this

>this, on the bright side, did work, as they did forgive me and it gave me an opening to change the subject by sharing my hazbin hotel redesigns which they thought were pretty fun so i guess its not all bad

>got to finally get a good look at this side of the helluverse hatedom (ive been on the vivzie hate train for years but only on 4chan and twitter)

>a friend followed my tumblr and i found out they're actually 6 years older than me which was a surprise

>surprisingly found a not insignificant amount of boardwalk empire discussion/memes, followed a good few accounts focused on it

>joined a boardwalk empire discord server and had some fun conversations and enjoyed some quality shitposting

Likes: 290

Following: 33

overall its been pretty good, humour/politics wise its been almost but not quite as bad as i expected, theres been some gem posts here and there both serious and not. im kinda feeling more upward mobility here than i do on twitter, and im definitely getting more out of it than my usual experience of posting on 4chan or on the kinda-chuddy discords i left when it occured to me that i didn't want to waste anymore time there, i spoke up about it, and after me going on a cathartic tirade about how sick of their constant disrespect and mockery i was, they (to be fair, earnestly) told me that this site was more my speed and hey i guess you're not half wrong so thanks for that i guess. I guess I finally get what the appeal was with my older sisters back when they were using tumblr in the early 2010s, maybe in that sense I was probably primed to be here eventually lol

Onwards and upwards from here!

hopefully...

[woahajimes]

 i just think that even with powers, the team of young justice in the same high school is such a wonderful concept because they’re teens and they most definitely have the potential and right now i can’t place many words together but like.. i MUST elaborate on most aspects of these little shits being high school freshmen/sophomores.

Bart literally writes everything with just a pencil and then you have Kon who just likes to write in blue/red/black pens, tim is a mix of blue/pencil/ocassional-marker -he-steals-from-cissie, Cassie writes with like.... purple and blue pens,,, Greta just has a black pen but her notes are literal heaven because she steals everything from cissie and cissie is 1000% the sorta bitch that has her markers categorized by color but then bart borrows them and mizes up the caps and also cissie has gel pens and her handwriting is pretty af so like everyone copies of of her

As unlikely as it sounds, Bart does NOT cheat at tests, because then max would like... give him SO many lectures and it’s SUCH  pain in the ass so he just doesn’t (this does not limit chaos). Cassie doesn’t cheat because nO but then Cissie and Kon???? they’re buddies in that sorta thing and you know EXACTLY what i mean when i say that Kon has written answers in the skin that shows from his ripped jeans (the ones that he always gets in trouble for wearing, because as much as the school protocole just says ‘jeans’, they do NOT mean ripped jeans that have paint on them), and Cissie on her thighs and under the uniform socks, and they do the whole bandaid trick, and they even have their own weird sign language that takes WAAAAY too long to like even send the word ‘wassup’ because it goes letter by letter but its subtle so it works

fucking HOME EC is kon’s favourite subject and you’d think that kon would be in like... woodworking because most guys are in woodworking but NO kon went in home ec because ‘the chicks are there’ but NOOOO KON JUST LIKES BAKING AND HE GOT SHAMED ONCE FOR NOT KNOWING TO SEW A BUTTON ON HIS SHIRT SO NOW HE WANTS TO LEARN and guess what he absolutely LOVES it and he’s in with greta because cissie is with cassie and tim in woodworking, and besides, they don’t even have the same classes

they always make like cookies and kon hates it because he can’t eat his mf cookies in peace because he has home ec right after the lunch hour and while cassie does like to go out of class bart and cissie just eat all the cookies and leave kon to split with tim 

FUCKING VOLLEYBALL TEAM BITCH but also literally all sports the school has to offer because Kon LOVES his jock reputation (that also bakes cookies and is kicking ass at home ec) and tim desperately needs to deal off anger with sports because the big bad wolf drake demands he also gets involved

Cissie quit the cheerleading team like the first month but greta loved it, and cassie just hates it SO much but he likes watching practices because girls (oh and greta gets really excited all the time and they love it) 

,,,volleyball yj,,, is something i MUST HAVE OKAY PLEASE DON’T TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME I JUST SAW THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ART SO I MUST ELABORATE OKAY also volleyball’s the only sport i semi-know how to play so like bear with me but i havent played in like a year so shut up (here’s the link)

KON JUST DOESN’T KNOW A LIFE IN WHICH HE DOESN’T SPIKE THAT BOY LITERALLY WILL SPIKE ANYTHING YOU THROW AT HIM OKAY i don’t make the rules (but you know who does? cassie. cassie makes the rules because she’s scary and the rules include no fucking powers on the court--unless they’re losing then kon can use his tAcTiLe TeLeKiNeSiS)

CASSIE IS MIDDLE BLOCKER because shes TALL and also she gets front view of the opposing teams and like. girls. AND ALSO YOU NEED CORE STRENGTH FOR BLOCKING AND LIKE cassie is close to having more abs than kon i swear im not making this up

TIM SETS BECAUSE he’s the only one that can mantain that boring position also he’s good at it (also he wears fingerless gloves because iT hElPs hIm but really he want to look badass

BART IS LIBERO ALL THE WAY THROUGH OKAY BOY LOVES DIVING AND also he can heal quicker from like hits in the face (he has his kneepads that he wears EVERYWHERE and he even has a headband for his hair and his arm thingies and everything and his jersey is just written with signatures because everyone loves him

CISSIE IS ALSO LIBERO OKAY SHE LOOOVES VOLLEYBALL and she can DIVE and sometimes she forgets to bring up her kneepads so you KNOW that her knees are broken but she doesnt care (she also switches with server and her serves are literally like from fucking hell its beautiful

greta doesn’t play she refuses to play and everyone respects that but she also has like the bags with water-bottles and the jersey ones 

EDIT: FUCKING DUMBASSES HERE GOT THEIR UNIFORMS MIXED UP AND TIM IS LIKE ONE SIZE SMALLER THAN KON AND CASSIE AND CISSIE AND BART ARE THE SAME (and tim but like bear with me) AND THEN ONE DAY THEY GOT THEIR UNIFORMS MIZED UP AND THERE WAS KON WITH MINISHORTS and dumbass didn’t notice but like everyone else sure did 

BECAUSE they’re in the same team they just... share a locker that wasn’t used, with a little dollarama (dollar tree? idk but the dollar store) lock and then bam that’s the team locker (team as in them not the volleyball team) and there they keep like... bags of chips and chocolate bars with like... gym clothes and sneakers (which if you ask me is a horrible idea to like... place around 12 stinky shoes with granola bars and snacks and gym clothes but like hey dont ask me its them)

AND I READ THIS ARTICLE BUT I ALSO SAW A POST ON INSTAGRAM ABOUT THIS GIRL, Erin DiMeglio, WHO PLAYS FOOTBALL AND IS THE ONLY GIRL ON THE TEAM AND ALSO HER GIRLFRIEND IS A CHEERLEADER SO LIKE.,,,,, TELL ME THAT YOU DON’T IMAGINE CISSIECASSIE (or plain old cissie and cassie if you dont feel like shipping them) but like... cissie quit the team... and she doesn’t want to go back... and cassie’s like wow okay i see you AND ALSO TIM IS ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM and kon doesn’t wanna join (tbh he’s more of a football dood yk?) and bart called cissie a chicken and went cheerleader for cassie himself (skirt and everything, max was proud) so like cassie has her own team of cheerleaders and then tim is just :/// (here’s the article go read it)

my brain is crying at me to stop but i want to KEEP GOING so PLEASE add more and if you guys wanna like draw 👀👀👀👀 PLEASE TAG ME OKAY THE YOUNG JUSTICE CREW IN THEIR LITTLE OWN SAME HIGH SCHOOL IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME 

[pandemique]

Hi hello I just wanna say I love your art, it’s really cute aaaa

I’ve been really wanting to try to doodle dnf because I care them so much and they make me so so happy but my brain rot is not strong enough and I’m nervous to post it if I do so basically do you have any advice for just doing it anyway? I don’t know if making a whole new blog is something I want to/should do

Also I wanna join the loving Demi anon gang so I’ll try to send more asks when I stop being Shy(TM)

-🍎🦜

nonnie thank u thats so sweet of u :’> i appreciate it a lot :’> yknow, u sent this when i was actually in massive doubt abt my art and my... personality?!? HAHA so yeah i definitely been there sis and i’m still there sometimes

firstly, this is actually a more common occurrence than people think! i’ve told this story a few times now to artists who felt exactly the same: when i first posted, i deleted my doodles within a minute (LOL) and it was actually sky georgeliker who reached out asking if he could reblog !! (sorry i dont shut up abt this sky HAHAHA u meant a lot to me even unknowingly <3) i think from that moment, i thought, if just one other person enjoyed what i post, i want to!! there’s literally no harm if no one does anyway bc this is a brainrot blog not a portfolio LMAO. and i am so so glad i did because i then definitely met more than one person lol i even met u ;)) people are so so kind here, and it really changed my perception on both my own art and art as a whole

nonnie i’ve never seen your art but i know for sure i would love to see it, and everyone would too :) there’s no such thing as bad art, and even then sharing will help u improve so much faster!! u can talk to me any time about it too, we’ll learn to improve and be kinder to our art together :>

@ making a new blog: i heard it’s more strategic that way! but only if u want to !! for me personally i separate my dnf blog and my mcyt & general blogs just bc i just like being organized, and bc for dnf in particular, i know a fair amount of people are uncomfy seeing the ship so i try my damnedest not to let non-dnfers find this blog lol. but u really don’t have to do this :o just think about what personally makes u happiest!

anyway here are the more practical tips below the cut ‼️ (finally BAHAHA sorry non)

u can take smaller steps and send art to friends first or to discord servers :> (404cord vouch if u wanna find the most supportive mf’s in the planet)

or u can send me ;D

recognize when u start thinking the bad thoughts! point it out and say “i’m thinking bad thoughts, i have to stop. why should i make myself feel bad? why should i think at all?? this is a brainrot blog??” (is this good advice i am questioning myself shgswjsh this is what i do lmaooo)

point out the things u LIKE from ur art, even really little things. pretend it’s a friend’s work, u’ll be surprised how much kinder u are to others’ creations! if u enjoy parts of it, someone else would enjoy it too and more

don’t be discouraged if u don’t get a lot of recognition or notes immediately, most of that is irrelevant to how actually good ur art is. a LOT of my fave artists have like <200 notes every post (and thats a lot!! its just that i wanna give 10000 lol). it doesn’t mean that the people who DO see it don’t love it

tbh i avoid looking at numbers at all like the plague bc it gives unnecessary pressure !! i have no idea how many followers i have lol (but i do check the tags bc (1) ppl r so supportive i wanna cry and (2) ppl r v thoughtful and sometimes gives interesting input to ur art :> but if it pressures u then u should avoid this too imo)

talk to other artists!! :>

DISCLAIMER, it’s completely okay to take ur time!! there’s no real need to post at all if ur uncomfy. that said, last tip off the top of my head is to consider just slamming that post button, it’s free and u can always delete or edit LMAOO enjoy doodling and blogging!!

[universal-kitty]

.: Drama Involving AJ :.

   Stylized ‘til I die, I guess. Anyways.

   This is talking about phasefuck/huckerbee/teafrogs/whatever their URL is this week. AJ/Lee. The compilation of what’s happened involving them.

   So... Starting at the beginning.

   D was the reason I got into Borderlands. I watched her play TFTBL and gush about Rhys and get more involved and understand the ship she had! Also got my first crush on Zer0, but... Y’know.

   So I did some art, started plotting ideas for who’d eventually be Gremlin- aka Rena Marlow, my SI for BLands- and that led...to us meeting AJ. They wanted me or D to join their server. D preferred because of her self-ship with Rhys, but I could join, too. D was nervous about new, strange people and I wanted to learn more about Borderlands and try new things, so... I hopped in, D stayed behind.

   The time with them was pretty fun! Ended up making some friends, plotted fun ideas for AJ’s idea of the time, Borderlands Infinite. A continuation of Tales as AJ saw it. The server was made PRIMARILY for this endeavor and everyone in it was allowed an OC or self-insert to be paired with whoever they wanted to be with....long as they were open, that is. AJ had HJack, and everyone else... Well, most of the spares had been paired off by the time I joined.

   Rhys was potentially still open, cause someone AJ had previously been talking with...either wasn’t responding, or had dropped out entirely. I forget by this point. Zer0 wasn’t an option and I didn’t know much of the others, so.... I accepted Gremlin to be paired with Rhys.

   Thus the origins of my verse with Rhys. (As well as the OT3 with him and Vaughn... They started here.)

   Tension was pretty high in the group and- though I didn’t acknowledge it at the time- it was primarily from AJ. Nobody else could like Handsome Jack “too much”... You could be playful about him, a little joke-flirty...but if you were suspected to like HJack, then you were “stealing” him from them. Because of this- while the group was friendly enough- it was hard to get into the “share faves” vibe that a lot of us seemed to have; gushing about a character that wasn’t your own just......felt weird.

   Not sure if anyone else noticed, but that was my experience.

   Anyways, I helped AJ with their story a lot due to being online a ton, with no work to do. We talked on the daily about what Rena could do, what Helios was like, how the story would go... The long-term slowburn we were putting Rena and Rhys through. I praised their art and ideas, they cheered for Rena/Rhys. It was pretty mutually supportive....

   ...Until AJ kicked fits. I was always online, so what about everyone else?? When I wasn’t online- sometimes if I was- I’d get put on a pedestal for helping out while others said nothing. (Essentially saying something like “Aki helps out all the time, but nobody else does” or, the popular one, “maybe I should just delete this since nobody cares.” I don’t have screenshots of this for reasons that’ll be explained in a moment.)

   We typically talked them out of these, but eventually... It did happen. AJ messaged me that the old group had been deleted and there was now a new group of only the ACTIVE people. This left me and a few others, thought some other people would eventually cycle in. (One of which still being someone I look up to even today!! Even if we don’t talk much, lol.)

   I got more creative freedom during this time, since other people “lost out” in their spots and... Somehow, this led to me taking on Nisha, too. I paired her with my OCs, Pyrotech and Meowzer. (Ex-Creepypasta OCs revamped for BLands. Is this my origins for my Nisha ship? Kinda!!!)

   But by this point... I had grown to *really* like HJack. I’d made a slip before (more on that later), but learned his character very well and even played him for roleplays AJ and I were doing. AJ played themself and Rhys; I controlled Jack and Rena. All that research led to feelings....and ones I knew AJ wouldn’t approve of. So I did two things, right off the bat: kept my head down and immediately worked on justifying why I liked him. See, it’s because...it’s not the “canon” Handsome Jack!! The one I ship with has golden clasps! So they’re not the same!! And uhhhh....more bad things happened to him? He dresses more lavishly...?

   I kept trying to come up with ways AJ might approve of my AU Jack without invoking their wrath. Not that...it would end up doing much, in the long run.

   I invited one of my friends to join during this. One who also liked HJack...and proved my worries right. (Checked my Discord; I still have some of the messages!!! Whoop, here we go...)

   Don’t have screencaps of the drama that proceeded to unfold- especially due to AJ blocking me on Discord and so losing all of our conversation- but.... That’s just how THAT is, I guess.

   They did get super cold after and I had to explain things to my friend, while also assuring AJ that I would handle things and it’d be alright. It was an uncomfortable hiccup, but one that went by easily enough...

   Though as I said, it was a significant event to show me how careful I needed to be when it came to HJack and AJ.

   Also during this time... Another friend I’ll just refer to as P. We’d also been roleplaying in this time and having a blast. Absolute joy and- we don’t talk much anymore- but I do still consider them a dear friend. I played as CEO Rhys for them and they were Handsome Jack for me; we played our characters (my SI, their OC) and just... Had so much fun with it all.

   So then... Amidst all the fun, it eventually happened.

   What I described in this callout post.

   AJ and I...we ended up dating at some point. I thought they were cool, we got along well, talked a LOT and all this... So I didn’t see a problem with it. Why not? I’ll get to have an awesome artist S/O with their cool ship and all their ideas... We’re gonna be unstoppable!

   ...But I also had abandonment issues. Too many times did I pour my all into someone, only to be left empty. I’ve always been the most supportive person in a room, trying to uplift EVERYONE to feel good! Cause yeah, everyone deserves that! AJ knew this. We’d talked about our issues and vented.....

   And they still did that.    They left my server as I slept. Blocked me on Discord, though I didn’t notice it at first.

   ...It was the one day I checked Tumblr first. They left their blog for a new one. Okay!! I’ll follow them on there, then! I did, and checked Discord. That was in the vent channel, and this was sent to me by a mutual friend.

   So that’s how I woke up that day. Suddenly alone and single. And very, very depressed. I would end up posting these as my friends had to help me down:

“ ……now I wish I would’ve gotten lost after all or kept sleeping ….nothing is work being awake right now”

“ I just don’t want to exist I hate myself all over again I can’t get past that”

“ AJ just…..dropped me. Just like that. I didn’t know and tried to follow her new blog….. Either they just soft-blocked me or outright blocked me

“I feel so fuckin’ horrible”

   At the time, I was horribly depressed due to outside causes. I was suicidal at the time and getting into some light, risky behavior in hopes it could be a factor in the end of my life. (I would walk around at night, hoping that the growing heat would either cause heat exhaustion or someone would attack me. Abduct me. Whatever meant that I would be gone and in pain.)

   I later learned that this is actually learned behavior; my dad would react in extremist ways to things (something broke? “I want to kill myself.”) and so I probably learned it from him. This has actually made managing my suicidal thoughts easier, but at the time, I did not know this and put me more at risk.

   Though this then kept continuing.... Because of course these things do.

   It starts all over with me trying to move on. Someone was advertising their self-ship server, I wanted to try again and make friends... So I gave it a shot and joined!

   ....AJ was in there.

   I quickly left as soon as I had entered, telling the owner I couldn’t stay due to troubles with someone else in there. They were understanding and, thankfully, that was that.

   ...But it STILL wasn’t. These are older messages, so I can’t get them together as much as I’d like to (in one screenshot, is what I’m saying) so I’ll also quote these, but if anyone needs screenshot proof, I can get that on request.

   Anyways, our mutual friend (I’ll nickname her MF for “mutual friend” lol) later piped up with this:

05/19/2018 “So, aj invited me to a group chat and I'm a pushover who hasn't been able to cut them off yet so I said yes and boi I'm big uncomfortable now Like I thought I could maybe juggle being friends with both aj and Rachel even after what aj did but I was wrong.

“But idk what do now. I don't know what to say to them because I don't want to just drop them without saying anything. No doubt that'll get them talking about me behind my back”

.:.

“I might try that. I might mute the server so that I don't have to deal with that because i can't stay in it but I don't want to start shit by leaving I mean they are acting like Rachel is in the wrong”

.:.

“That they "stole their f/o" and that they are going to take the dragon idea that Rachel had for blands and "make it better" out of spite And I'm not happy”

.:.

“Well I just typed up a long message and while I'm glad I'll finally cut out a toxic person I'm also super nervous

“I sent it and left the server

“Wow okay all I got was a "Bye then" I sent a long ass message. Explaining my side and why. Hoping they'd understand and they just said bye then??????”

   As you can see.... Everyone who’d been in that server (me, P, and MF) were on-edge about the “talking behind our back” issue that MF confirmed above. I figured it would happen, but it did...and that was a league all it’s own. (Especially when the callout post went around, and it got confirmed AGAIN that slander in my name was still going around.)

   But one more thing happened that triggered this onslaught... Remember my RP w/ P? Well, this happened.... [TW for daddy kink mention? Calling themself Daddy?? That thing.]

   Link to Ask.

   Was never reblogged. Sent to me by a friend. To my knowledge, nobody spread this around AT ALL. But this was brought up in the same vent/time period as the above conversation.....

MF: Aj said that Rachel stole hj from them.

Me: Me, apparently. It's somewhere between that post and the ask (I think?) P sent me..... Which I loved and was hella surprised over, but. Oh boy.

Fren (aka owner of Karma): My god wtf can she like calm tf down

MF: They actually were mad that people were reblogging a post of yours, probably the kitten thing, that was about hj because it's "gross"

Fren: geeze Aj grow up

Me: ??????? Nobody reblogged it, tho

MF: Hmmmmm they vagued about someone shipping with him, someone they had blocked, that liked the daddy kink and stuff

   I mean. I get it’s a gross thing for people, but.... HJack has also called himself “daddy/papa” on more than one occasion. It’s up for debate if he does it because he is Literal Dad or because he’s that nasty, but... Considering everything else he does, the latter seems the most obvious. That’s just how he is.

   Anyways. The point being that we had each other mutually blocked by this point. I had people either block me, soft-block me, OR just outright unfollow + soft-block me because they were more trusting of AJ than of me. So to hear that they somehow knew P was sending me that ask...... Either someone TOLD them or they were stalking my blog to see what I was doing while they were gone.

   Either way, not great. (What was pretty funny is I later made a joke about “stealing the rights to Handsome Jack from 2k so nobody else can do anything with him” and that “I’m a wanted man”... That’s nice.)

   And so... We get to more recently.

   Last I personally heard, I had to do some personal checking that led up to this... Saw leeships in self insert tag. New self-ship blog, so I blocked, as well as checking their blocked main to make sure everything lined up....and was greeted with this.

   They’ve since changed their URL- again- but the fact they’re STILL being petty towards D is just....something else.

   Speaking of, I’m not actually...sure where that started. There was a whole conversation we had over how AJ treated D out of sight of others (they talked over IMs, I guess because we were budding friends at the time, and what else do I do but hype up all my friends?) There was a lot of attention-seeking behavior from AJ (showing their art and then getting mad when D or Fren tried to compliment them for “lying” about the compliment...?), but far as I knew/remember, there wasn’t any bigger issue.

   ...After we broke up, however, an issue began as D and I became better friends. Friends stick with friends, D knew AJ, so when the blocking-bug was going around, D blocked them, too.

   Which eventually snowballed into the bullshit you can still see today. With AJ trying to claim that D is the one dealing out harassment when- at worst- maybe D did talk too much and AJ didn’t deal with it in a healthy way. (Because that is an issue I’ve heard of; except AJ freaked out over it, instead of talking it out like a healthy adult and figuring out how they could balance out the conversation. Seriously. I’ve had this talk with D. We don’t dominate our conversations at all; nobody over the other. If there ever was a problem, then literally just saying “Hey, I don’t feel heard/listened to when I talk about my ship” was all AJ ever needed to say, but....... Y’KNOW.)

   I’m not D, so I can’t say the full scenario of that, but this is the best way I can show there was a middle ground AJ could’ve used to work things out, but they didn’t.

   Oh, and just so I’m not saying things if you haven’t already seen this... Here’s a screenshot someone (for privacy’s sake) got of AJ trying to pin the blame on D for being the “real harasser” in their BYF:

   We all just wanted to get over this. However, D and I especially don’t want to get involved with or be AROUND AJ/Lee in any way. So we keep an eye on what they do so we can feel safe. We DON’T want to forgive AJ/Lee (for obvious reasons), so we keep blocking their accounts and/or make sure they’re still on our blocklist.

   I know I’ve resorted to putting their URLs on BLACKLIST to make sure I don’t see them at ALL because of how much stress they put me under just seeing them around.

   What the hell do THEY have to be stressed about? Dealing with people they hurt for BEING hurt and not wanting them around us anymore?? Fuck....

.:.

    Anyways. I guess that about concludes all I wanted to write about. Friendly reminder that their old callout post is here and while I doubt a new one will crop up any time soon (as I sure don’t want to write one that’ll get around, after the last time I had a friend try to help me do a callout post on someone like this), you can at least look up that one more time after reading this.

   So...... That’s the end. Thanks for reading this and I’m sorry if anything was upsetting.

   ...If you want, you can come to the ask box and ask for a gif of your F/O? Or a cute puppy or kitten? Maybe I can find some nice fanart for you as comfort...? IDK, options.