#is it possible to get a job specializing with sad fictional gays

[hekateinhell]

live footage of me for the rest of the summer

[cowboyguts]

jo what’s ur process like in developing ur ocs!!! creating an entire Life seems hard

i truly can NOT believe you sent me an ask 😔this is the highlight of my week thank you so much

UM yeah it's hard especially because if you try to develop a whole life in detail you’ll forget 40% of it lowkey so I haven’t actually come up with every twist and turn of my ocs unfortunate timelines but there are certain periods I think about in such crazy detail i lose my MIIIINDD and they take over my entire being and its sad ://// 

but in general i use my boyfriend to bounce ideas off of when making a person from scratch. it helps to make ocs WITH someone you know. Like um baby Lewis came about because we wanted to make boyfriends and we were like okay. Solid. where are they from? what time period? is it a world that mimics reality or is it fantasy based? and so the town in which they live, Mystic Overhang, mostly mimics reality but has speculative horror and sci-fi elements that are so light that its more just a feeling in the air and unexplainable happenings than anything else. Like yeah, Lewis and Chris and their friends fart on the basement sofa and work at minimum wage jobs and are diagnosed with the misfortune of being gay stoners in the 1980s, what with the AIDS crisis and politics and the execution of Ted Bundy BUT... like also there’s an unidentifiable monster in a lake just southeast from where Chris lives?? JHFBJSSDFJ and only Chris has seen/felt it while swimming there as a kid and has a scar from where something bit and dragged him down beneath the surface? laugh out loud... 

and my other oc Church can lowkey tell the future. like he doesn’t talk about it and it doesn’t dominate his life but yeah... that’s just apart of him? and he’s like...alright. (in a southern accent) and he’s obsessed with ufos that plausibly exist and hover in the night sky while he’s asleep. Lewis is believed to be a profit sent from God by the people that abused him in this religious commune he was raised in and like of course he isn’t...but no one can deny there’s SOMETHING special about him. 

And there’s copious amounts of murders and missing people in Mystic Overhang and yet it’s still a tourist trap and people shit themselves when they see the boardwalk by the ocean because there’s a big ferris wheel but never mind this horrible eerie feeling you get on the back of your neck while you’re waiting in line. STUFF LIKE THAT....

the setting is really important in our case so we thought about how the town would play a part in a friend group that has such normal young adults in them that do very basic things in their rites of passage to adulthood. its just made all the more complex because their towns fucking creepville and some of them are inflicted by its weird spell. 

but as far as THEY go as people, making them was easy we just wanted diverse people with different vibes without it being really campy and cliche like. The Smart Man and The Popular Man #3. We try to make them as authentic to people we really know as possible and take things from shit we’ve experienced/ seen and put it on them with a twist. Their physical attributes change the more we know about them but yeah when I first make them I think hair color, eye color, ethnicity, height, all that. It’s sounds weird and hippie dippy but the way they all feel and their place in the group is so distinct it helps to imagine their like ...SOULS?? FFDSHDSNJ their spirits??? like who would the group be without a very tall very long-haired stoner mikael with his socks and sandals and refusal to take his adhd medication who like radiates warmth while his best friend is a 5′9 twink named Chris who loves drag performance and self-loathing that's a cooler emo energy. like...perfect duo man...i guess making each one individually depends on what their going to offer the cast of people and what they do for them as a friend, how they bounce off each other. because like, in real life who you are often entirely depends on who surrounds you and what kinda shit you do with them and how you differ from them in areas. like mikael is constantly happy. chris is more often sad. why is that the case? how does that work in favor of their friendship

their backstories all come from things me and tristan read/watch/have lived and then we make it different by adding new elements to it or switching shit around. Like Lewis’s background growing up in a religious commune straight up comes from the book I was reading at the time of creating him where a boy grows up in a monastery getting abused and I was like, alright, kool. so this kid his gonna have a rough messy past and i’m gonna research about cults and i’m gonna approach this with the intent to learn and be careful about his precarious childhood. and then I'm gonna think about how that effects him as a teen and adult and take some risks and make him different in certain ways than some cult survivors and so on.

this is so fucking long winded but basically i take shit i love and i put it on my own shit and i take repressed memories and dump them on Chris cause i hate him and i look at people and observe and try to translate that into my fiction so these people seem as real as possible. and their backstories effect their temperament, which effects the current story. like Chris being neglected because he grew up as a gay child has caused him to be reckless in his need to express himself even if it means putting himself in danger just to feel like himself. UM YES. i am so sorry i wrote 20k

[isa-renee]

Tagged by my dude bro buddy pal, the incredible @theythinkimabitch

1. Do you make your own bed? Nah. I’m honestly not a fan of having a made bed. I find it constricting.

2. What’s your favorite number? 37

3. What’s your job? I don’t have one. I’m a student still, although I did have a paid tutoring job until school closed, so I guess I’ll count that

4. If you could go back to school, would you? Definitely! I mean I’m still in school lol but I definitely plan to continue with it. I may never truly leave school and I can’t say that’s a fate/career path I mind

5. Can you parallel park? Lol nah I still can’t drive

6. A job that you had that would surprise people? I don’t think there is one. The only job I’ve had is the tutoring thing and nobody who even kind of knows me is surprised by that, although maybe surprised that I actually got paid for it since I also do a lot of volunteer work as a tutor

7. Do you think aliens exist? Almost certainly. I mean the universe is huge. There are so many galaxies and star systems and planets out there. I find it hard to believe that we’re special, that for some reason the only life in the billions of years and billions of planets is on our little blue dot around our average sun out in our little bit of galaxy. I mean it’s possible. I don’t know how life formed; maybe it really was a miracle and a one time thing. But, barring that scenario, I find it unlikely we’re alone. (I do not however think aliens have contacted us or are secretly infiltrating our governments though. Just fyi.)

8. Can you drive a manual car? I cannot drive

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? Uhh idk if it’s necessarily a guilty pleasure but I guess it sorta is? Like I don’t talk about it with everyone, but my fandom/book nerd friends understand. I just love teen fiction. And ya novels. I really do. They’re just so fun. They’re easy to read. The characters are lovable. There aren’t like twenty storylines I have to keep track of. It’s just nice

10. Tattoos? No but I wanttt

11. Favorite color? I’m going to say blue. It’s not really blue since I can’t actually choose a favorite color. Blue has just been my answer for years so I go with it. I don’t actually have a favorite color. Color is such an abstract concept. We never see just one color. Color is meant to be seen as part of something more. Because it’s not ever really the color we’re drawn to but what it symbolizes. So my actual answer? It is a crisp fall afternoon, soon after a slight rainfall. Brilliant rays of sunlight filter through the clouds over the mountains. I am reminded strangely of the sea, by shade or simply majesty and power. Birds are chirping. The leaves dapple shadows on the ground beneath me, sunwarmed and soft. I sigh and think perhaps that this is home. It’s easier to just say blue.

12. Favorite type of music? I’m going to go with sad gay love songs. Right there is like the epitome of my music taste. But I also separately enjoy sad songs, gay songs, and love songs, and other combinations of those three things. My taste is honestly kind of eclectic though tbh I’ll listen to most things. Favorite actual genre I guess is like indie folk? It’s a good vibe

13. Do you like puzzles? Yes! I love puzzles! I wish I had more time to do them because they’re so fun

14. Any phobias? I’m a bit claustrophobic. I don’t necessarily mind all small spaces I just can’t stand being physically confined. I need to be able to fully move all my limbs or I am liable to freak out. And start crying (tears of frustration). And probably kicking things. I’m also getting really uncomfortable thinking about tight spaces so imma stop writing. It’s like an actual physical discomfort. It’s unpleasant.

15. Favorite childhood sport? This depends which part of childhood tbh. I’m going to go with archery because I remember that one most clearly and it still remains my favorite. I also fenced and played tball and volleyball at various points. But I mean I’m definitely going to go with the sport involving sharp objects and deadly weapons so yeah. Archery

16. Do you talk to yourself? Yup. Constantly. It’s an issue. There have definitely been times when my parents thought I was talking on the phone but nope it was just me

17. What movie do you adore? I don’t really watch too many movies. Or remember them too distinctly whoops. I’m going to go with the LOTR trilogy just purely for the number of times I’ve seen it. I can definitely quote large sections of it from memory. And sing all of the songs. At one point in time I could consistently identify basically every piece on the soundtrack by name. I’ve really watched those movies too many times. I regret nothing

18. Coffee or tea? Tea. So much more variety! Coffee tastes nice but I don’t do caffeine and it’s hard to find a good decaf espresso. But tea is just the best. I’ll admit I’m a bit of a tea snob but I’m self-aware at least

19. First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? Paleontologist. For years! So many years. My entire childhood pretty much. Dinosaurs are rad and I stand by that statement

Tagging whoever wants to do this because it’s fun but I don’t like to tag people lol sorry

[beauzoleils]

ABIGAIL  COWEN ,  CISFEMALE ,  SHE / HER    →   according  to  the  school  records ,  NATALIE  LUCILLE  BEAUSOLEIL  has  been  attending  sacred  heart  for  the  past  three  years .  i  last  saw  them   hanging  around  the  john  bracken  library  ;  i  think  they  were  working  on  writing  her  novel .  at  twenty - one  years  old ,  natalie  has  been  studying  english  literature  and  get  this ,  i   heard  that  she’ll  zone  out  while  writing  papers  for  class  and  come  to  surrounded  by  pages  and  pages  full  of  archaic  languages  she  doesn’t  speak   —   figure  it’s  true ?  everyone  around  here  always  associates  them  with  a  moonlight  sonata  echoing  through  empty  halls ,  seats  in  the  back  row  at  the  opera ,  and  dead  flowers  pressed  between  the  pages  of  an  old  book .  in  the  time  since  these  strange  happenings ,  they  have  encountered  unexplained  occurrences .     

HI ,  hello .  i’m  hannah  n  this  is  like .  the  only  thing  i’ve  been  thinking  about  recently ,  aka  i’m  so  excited .  ok  anyway !  i’m  20 ,  kickin  it  in  the  est !  i’m  a  full  time  student  ( majoring  in  being  a  dumb  bitch  n  gay  rights  and  i’m  at  the  top  of  my  class  baby . . )  and  i’m  ALSO  a  preschool  teacher  so  if  i’m  ever  Not  here ,  i’m  with  my  babies  ! !  but  that  isn’t  the  reason  why  ur  all  here . .   ur  here  for  an  intro  post !  so !  

let’s  talk  abt  my  girl . . .  𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄  𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐈𝐋 !

okay .  so .  first  thing’s  first .  i  have  some  Real  Things  prepared  for  my  girl ,  including  but  not  limited  to :

a  pinterest  board !

a  stats  page !

and  what  i  call  NATALIE :  A  TRAGEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS .  it’s  kind  of  a  bio ,  mixed  in  with  some  stage  directions  here  and  there .  it’s  a  quick  read  n  rly  gives  you  that  Natalie  Flavor  if  you  know  what  i  mean . .  so  if  you  feel  so  inclined  n  wanna  take  a  look . .  but  full  disclosure  it  rly  does  hit  different  than  just  reading  this  intro 

anyway !  i’ll  give  a  more  condensed  version  of  her  bio  here  n  some  info  abt  her  personality  n  some  random  headcanons . .  etc !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈 :  𝑨 𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀

alright  SO .  our  girl  natalie  was  born  on  april  13 ,  1952  to  michel  and  colette  beausoleil .  it  was  a  thursday ,  and  it  was  ALSO  eleven  weeks  before  colette’s  due  date ,  so  we  all  know  that  can’t  be  good 

( spoiler  alert :  it  wasn’t )

natalie  was  supposed  to  be  a  twin ,  but  the  other  baby  ( a  boy  named  pierre )  didn’t  survive .  they  didn’t  think  that  natalie  would ,  but  she did !  unfortunately ,  her  parents  were  too  wounded  by  the  loss  of  their  other  baby  and  it  was  all grieving  and  no  celebrating .  

also .  there’s  more  info  abt  her  parents  n  how  they  met  in  the  bio  but ,  a  sparknotes  version  is  that  michel  was  a  playwright  in  paris  and  colette  was  a  ballerina / his  muse  and  they  rushed  into  a  marriage 

michel  made  it  rly  big  a  couple  yrs  after  natalie  was  born  and  so  they  decided  to  use  that  $ $ $  to  send  natalie  away  to  an  expensive  boarding  school  in  london  called  our  lady  of  sacred  suffering .  it  was ,  of  course ,  a  catholic  girls  boarding  school  and  natalie  hated  it  there

but  they  hated  natalie  there  bc  she  was  just  the  WORST  catholic  school  girl  of  all  time ,  so  it  was  mutual

meanwhile ,  her  relationship  w  her  parents  is . .  very  complicated .  her  dad  is  just  kind  of  The  Worst  across  the  board ,  very  reliant  on  drinking ,  definitely  got  into  drug  use  at  some  point ,  had  lots  of  affairs  with  the  young  actresses  in  his  plays .  and  colette  was  just . .  very  sad  and  very  absent  so  the  support  was  Minimal

natalie  has  a  lot  of  issues  that  are  all  rooted  in  her  childhood  tbh .

somewhere  along  the  way ,  she  found  a  deep  passion  for  Writing  and  developed  this  sense  of  purpose  and  for  a  minute  things  were  going  very  well 

which  we  all  know  means  things  are  about  to  get  WORSE . 

on  her  eighteenth  birthday ,  natalie  receieves  a  card  in  the  mail  from  her  mother  for  the  First  Time  Ever .  and  she  immediately  is  like .  huh .  well .  something  is  Wrong .

she’s  right .

( tw :  nondescript  mentions  of  car  crashes  &  death )

a  week  later ,  she  receives  word  that  her  parents  were  involved  in  a  serious  car  accident  at  the  pont  de  l’alma  tunnel  in  paris  and  her  did  not  survive  the  accident .

( end  tw )

her  mother’s  family  is  not  convinced  that  michel  should  walk  away  from  this  without  blame  and  decides  to  take  legal  action  against  him  and  get  him  convicted  with  a  more  serious  charge  than  just  manslaughter . 

they  promise  to  keep  natalie  out  of  it  as  much  as  possible  but  when  it  comes  time  to  testify  as  to  whether  or  not  michel  had  a  history  of  not  caring  about  colette’s  life  and  well - being ,  the  only  one  who  can  speak  to  it  is  natalie .

so  she  testifies  and  it’s  her  testimony  that  is  the  metaphorical  nail  in  the  coffin .  

( tw :  suicide  mention )

michel  knows  it ,  too .  that’s  what  natalie  thinks .  he  turns  up  dead  in  his  jail  cell  the  day  before  he’s  supposed  to  be  sentenced .  she  never  knows  if  he  deserved  the  life  sentence  he  was  going  to  be  given .

( end  tw ) 

so  then !  she’s  an  orphan !  but  she  does  gain  control  over  everything  that  her  parents  left  behind ,  which  turns  out  to  be  a  lot .  

she  sells  their  house  in  paris ,  goes  to  wales  to  begin  university ,  and  hasn’t  gone  back  since  then .  but  like ,  she  grew  up  in  london  for  the  most  part  so  she’s  not  exactly  sad  about  being  away  from  paris  and  all  the  ghosts  there .

and  now  she’s  at  sacred  heart ,  working  on  writing  her  debut  novel ,  which  is  the  ( albeit ,  dramatized  and  fictionalized )  story  of  her  parents !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈 :  𝑨  𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 .

so  basically ,  she’s  got  issues .

fictional  character  inspo  includes :  jo  march ,  alaska  young ,  cheryl  blossom

if  you  know  anything  abt  astrology . .  she’s  an  aries  sun ,  mercury ,  and  venus . .  and  a  scorpio  moon  and  mars . .  and  a  gemini  rising . .  i’m  so  sorry JKDSFM

she’s  very  emotional  but  does  a  super  good  job  of  hiding  it  and  keeping  all  those  emotions  ( esp  the  intense  n  darker  ones )  buried  away . .  deep  down  where  no  one  could  see  it

the  minute  that  ppl  kind  of  ? ?  but  two  and  two  together  n  realize  who  she  is  ( bc . .  in  my  head . .  her  dad’s  whole  trial  was  kind  of .  A  Thing  that  the  public  knew  abt . )  they’re  probably  rly  concerned  w  Little  she  shows  any  real  emotion  to  the  whole  thing . 

rly  she’s  just  the  queen  of  compartmentalizing  n  repressing !

she’s  very . .  Assertive .  like ,  when  she  wants  something  she’s  going  to  do  whatever  it  takes  to  get  her  way  

very  Very  reckless .  she’s  like . .  so  fucking  impulsive  that  it  physically  Pains  me  sometimes .

she’s  very  smart  but  like .  More  So ,  she’s  very  clever  and  very  sharp  with  her  words .  a  very  fast  thinker  and  a  very  loud  talker 

someone  please . .  tell  her  to  stop  yelling .  she  needs  to  Relax . 

she’s  very  charming  i’ll  say  it .  n  like ?  seems  cool ?  the  kind  of  person  that  you  meet  and  immediately  want  to  hang  out  w  them .  

very  flirty ,  has  always  used  that  charming  smile  of  hers  to  get  ppl  in  her  corner  and  she’s  not  gonna  stop  now !  she’s  very  good  at  making  ppl  feel  special  

but  like .  she  means  well  most  of  the  time  sdkfj  her  heart  is  in  the  right  place  okay

big  time  trust  issues .  big  time  commitment  issues .  painfully  independent  and  refuses  to  let  anyone  know  how  much  she  cares  about  them  until  she’s  like . .  Really  sure  that  they  aren’t  going  to  hurt  her

also  very  afraid  of  hurting  people ,  which  is  another  reason  why  she  struggles  to  get  attached  to  people .  she  definitely  has  this  deep - rooted  fear  that  Bad  Things  follower  her  and  she  doesn’t  want  to  drag  ppl  into  that

it’s  literally  a  toss - up  as  to  whether  she’s  going  to  seem  like  she’s  demanding  ur  attention  or  entirely  disinterested  in  it .  bc  she’s  all  over  the  place . 

but  like .  i’m  an  emotional  BITCH  so  she’s  probably  going  to  end  up  being  100000%  softer  than  i  intend  bc  i  project  too  much  soft  bitch  energy  onto  my  characters  Always .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈𝐈 :  𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺 .

so  many  things .  literally ,  anything .  just  a  disclaimer ,  if  u  read  thru  this  and  had  An  Idea  then  like .  yes  Pls  tell  me ,  i  want  it  xoxo 

but  here  are  some  i  have  up  in  the  old . .  noggin .

EXES .  please ,  please . .  for  the  love  of  GOD  give  me  some  angsty  exes  nonsense .  do  you  need  someone  who  broke  ur  characters  heart ?  consider  natalie  UR  GIRL .  she’s  Emotionally  Damaged  and  has  the  capacity  to  be  the  angstiest  ex  of  all  time ,  okay ?

give  her  a  weakness .  she  needs  someone  who  she’s  Actually  vulnerable  around  and  actually  sees  her  have  emotions  and  knows  she’s  not  just  this  huge  Mess  all  the  time

i  rly  want  someone  that  is  like .  from  the  same  ( ish )  bg  as  her  in  the  sense  that  like . .  they  also  were  surrounded  by  nice  clothes  n   expensive  private  schools  n  Luxury  but  like .  they  Thrive  in  it  the  way  natalie  used  to  wish  that  she  could .  n  just .  i  think  it  would  b  a  super  interesting  dynamic  bc  they  would  just !  clash !  so  intensely ! !  n  tbh  nat  would  probably  b  lowkey  jealous  Still  n .  spicy !

@ all  those  ppl  who  are  into  theatre :  i’m  Dying  for  some  connections  of  ppl  who  knew / knew  of  her  father  n  would  know  what  happened  w  him  perhaps  on  a  deeper  level  than  ppl  who  read  it  in  the  newspaper  a  few  yrs  ago . .  ( bonus  points  if  they  lowkey  idolized / looked  up  to  her  dad  bc  thats  a  Big  Mess  and  could  b  spicy  as  fuck  to  explore ,  u know ? ) 

idk  if  any  of  y’all  have  characters  who  grew  up  in / around  paris ?  but  if  there  are . .  then  Perhaps  someone  who  knew  her  in  her  youth ?

okay .  not  to  be  Trash  but  like .  i  rly  want  her  to  have  a  dynamic  that’s  jo  x  laurie  adjacent ?  do  they  have  to  be  in  love  w  her ?  no !  i  just  want someone  that  has  that  genuine  bond  w  her  and  they  care  abt  each  other  n  goof  around  n  like . .  i’m  already  getting  soft  on  main ,  huh , ,

she’s  soo  fucking  messy  that  like . .  all  the  messy  fwb / frenemies  with  benefits / one  night  stand  type  of  plots . .  yes  pls 

i  always  want  there  to  b  a  badass  girl  squad  like .  a  group  of  ladies  n  theydies  that  take  no  shit  n  get  in  fights  for  each  other  n  rly  truly  ride  or  die  w  each  other . .  we  can  workshop  the  name  ok  but  for  now ?  my  girl  squad  is  open  for  applications 

okay .  let  me  cut  myself  off  right  there  but  i’ll  leave  you  with  my  WANTED  CONNECTIONS  TAG  n  also  again  i’m 10000%  okay  to  just  brainstorm  out  something  else  completely  if  its  what  ur  feeling !

if  u  read  all / any  of  this . .  i  love  u . <3  either hmu on discord ( let's go 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓈 ! #6227 ) ksdjfskm  OR !  like  this  n  i  will  come  to  u !  okay ,  that’s  all ,  bye 

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E16 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 352 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

RATE THE EPISODE 338 Responses

This episode gained a lot of positive responses with 87.6% rating it at a 5, with only a couple people not so impressed. Hopefully future episodes will keep up the high streak!

As it stands right now, this is my favorite episode from the anime. How the Beast Titan's rampage was animated was so much more horrific and impactful than the manga, I felt more sympathy with Erwin than I did when I read the manga, and the final series of scenes that depict the suicide charge were so masterfully done I felt my heart grow heavy. Absolutely spectacular. I hope the next episode is even better <3

It was fucking amazing. Perfect game, more like perfect episode

Great job all around the board imo. The rock throwing was truly horrifying either the red mist, and the screams were done perfectly

So far easily the most harrowing, depressing episode of the anime :/

Even though I knew what it is going to happen in this ep, wit has managed to surprise me. Best episode of the season so far with the first one.

Favorite episode of the series so far

It was great, but the poor animation quality really ruins some serious moments in this arc, as many people are dying

Just Perfect, the tension and release were just on point 👌

Took the crown from S2EP6 as the best of the series for me.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 349 Responses

A lot of attention was on Erwin this chapter and many were moved by his scenes. Most notably, his charge with his soldiers at the Beast Titan led with 28.9% respondents picking it as their favorite moment. 17.8% respondents said Levi kneeling in front of Erwin and vowing to take down Zeke was their favorite, followed by Erwin’s motivational speech at 14.3%.

Bombardment scene was made 30 times better in the anime.

It was the moment we were all waiting for, and it happened and now I'm like a deflated balloon of emotion. Thank you, Erwin.

The imagery of the fallen scouts chilled me and I loved that included Isabel, Farlan, Isle Lagnar etc but my anger towards Annie has been resurged seeing Petra's face. Female titan I'll never forgive you for wrecking Levi Squad!

Erwin and Levi's relationship is one of the most beautiful ones I have ever seen, and I was happy seeing how it was portrayed, finally. With them having cut so many of the moments that showed Erwin as human, I'm glad they took the time to draw the moment of his smile so much. Long live my Commander, I would have followed him to hell.

I was astonished at how well they adapted Levi and Erwin's scenes.  Bravo, the animation was top notch, the voice acting was stellar, like wow.

The bodies on the red background was really dark & was the part that had the most impact on me (as opposed to the manga)

erwin and levi's talk made me a lot more emotional than it did in the manga. the whole team did a pretty damn good job with this episode.

WHO WAS THE EPISODE'S MVP? 348 Responses

Unsurprisingly, Erwin gains the MVP award for this episode. Some think Levi stands out as well.

Erwin is humanity"s greatest soldier. Rest in peace, Commander.

Ono Daisuke is the goddamn mvp

Erwin made me gay

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT CONNIE MAKING A PUN ABOUT THE FALLING HOUSES? 346 Responses

28% of respondents can relate to Connie’s stressful comedic moment, with 27.5% believe he has the right to make jokes. Some are rolling their eyes or think this isn’t quite an appropriate time.

I think Connie´s joke was his own form of mental breakdown. It makes him all the more relatable to me.

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU WERE ASKED TO JOIN THE SUICIDE CHARGE? 345 Responses

If asked to join Erwin on the suicide charge, a majority at 38.8% of respondents would have faith in the commander and hope to survive. 30.1% of participants aren’t sure what they would do, while an equal amount of people are between retreating or surrendering on the spot.

Crack a joke like Connie

If Erwin throw himself from a bridge, I would too! The fuck. Ok but being serious, being in that horrible scenario without a chance to survive, just nod and fight until the end.

Fuck it. I'm going die anyway; might as well go out swingin

cry, disassociate, and die. in that order.

Lads you would not catch me within 1000 miles of a battlefield. I'm less useful than Reiner on a battlefield, and that's saying something.

Pull a Floch and shit myself while crying

I would actually with all my heart follow Commander Erwin fucking Smith with no expectations of survival. Never have I ever encountered a man as compelling as him, real or fictional.

Sorry Erwin but... someone’s gotta keep Floch from being an ass. I’m sure you understand.

Not really but what about trying to hide closer to the wall since zeke will be throwing rocks at erwin and the others... then wait until levi is done with the monkey.

I would have never been stupid enough to join the survey corps to begin with lol

DO YOU THINK LEVI MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE TO FOLLOW ERWIN’S PLAN OVER HIS OWN? 346 Responses

41.3% of respondents believe that there was no other choice Levi could have made except to defeat the Beast Titan. 39.9% think the plan was the better of the two strategies.

It was the only viable narrative choice, but if it was a real battle retreating with as many survivors as possible might have been sensible.

Levi gave Erwin salvation by making the choice for him and gladly transferred Erwin's own burden of guilt and responsibilities onto his own shoulders. Which also why the word choice of "follow" seems iffy. Erwin is a proven master strategist and brilliant tactician, so of course you always go with his plan. BUT Levi didn't just 'follow' his plan, he made an active *choice* to implement the plan. It is Levi's plan as much as it is Erwin's.

Levi let his personal feelings get in the way of determining what would be the best hope for Humanity's survival.

I sincerely doubt Beastie would have let the survivors go unmolested all the way back to Wall Rose, and Levi knew it which was why he said he doesn't really expect anyone to survive this situation. Erwin had to make his last contribution to humanity in that moment, and they both knew that.

i think the plan should have been to stunt the beast, as we know that he doesn't get killed here anyway (obvs they don't know that), just buy some time ans save as many souls as possible.

HOW MUCH DID ERWIN’S INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH MOTIVATE YOU? 345 Responses

A large majority of voters are willing to believe in Erwin’s encouraging words and die by them no matter the risk.

I'LL FOLLOW YOU TO THE GRAVE COMMANDER ERWIN!!

ERRRRWWWIIIINNN!

WHO YELLED THE BEST INSULT TO BERTOLT? 345 Responses

Out of the few distracting insults, Sasha calling Bertolt a “massive pervert lord” was the best out of the three for 69.6% of respondents.

BEST SHOCKED FACE THIS EPISODE? 348 Responses

It isn’t often Levi is caught off-guard, so his shocked expression this episode was favored by 41.1% of voters. 23.3% of people thought Erwin had an expressive reaction as well.

Erwin’s face when he got hit... Wish we could’ve seen the gore though.

HOW WELL DID WIT ADAPT THE CORRESPONDING CHAPTERS? 343 Responses

There were a couple unsatisfied viewers, but overall a majority of participants believe the episode was fairly accurate to the manga.

the suicide charge was perfectly done.

that slow mo scene of the first boulder shower was amazing! and then the red mist of blood, the screams and cries of fear, pain, and death of the soldiers, the shock, despair, the ghosts of the dead soldiers, the emotion of Erwin and Levi’s last conversation, gosh this episode was beautiful in a morbid and heartbreaking way

It was very well done. It hurt, but not quite as much as the manga did.

Incredible adaptation. I’m tempted to call it flawless.

erwins soft smile after levi confirms what they must do was so special, especially since they hung on erwins face for a while

This episode was far more horrific than the manga version - the blood mist and the screams really upped the fear.

WHICH VERSION OF CONNIE'S JOKE DID YOU LIKE BEST? 346 Responses

There were a few different translations of Connie’s joke depending on the medium. 43.9% preferred Connie’s pun in the manga about Eren having a roof over his head again, while 31.8% thought Connie’s “Yeager” pun in Japanese was the funniest.

The only funny version of connie's joke is the japanese one...

HOW DID THE ADAPTATION OF ERWIN’S MOMENT OF GRIEF AFFECT YOU? 340 Responses

Erwin’s moment of grief was a somber scene for many, and over half of participants feel the adaptation tugged on their heart strings more than when they read the manga. Less than a quarter felt more sympathetic, with quite a number preferring the original manga version better.

There’s something about actually hearing his voice that made me want to cry again

I dunno, I think both mediums had different but equal impact in terms of the actual speech. The anime is very emotionally and viscerally effective, whereas with the manga you take longer to process what's in front of you at your own pace, in the privacy of your own skull. Both very moving.

Can't reproduce reading it for the first time but this was great.

I really liked it, but the manga is still more powerful for me.

Doesn't matter to me. I felt the same sorrow and overwhelmed like in the manga was a couple years ago. Great job WIT, absolutely!

I prefer the scene in the manga because of Erwin having more moments of being himself instead of colder than a summer day in Colorado, as the manga clues in more to him being a sad old man. However, Ono Daisuke’s voice acting was ON POINT. Erwin’s voice cracks like he was going to cry, the distance in his voice, it just made me cry.

I was practically sobbing on the floor, take from that what you will.

The hidden option of: Both were heartbreaking to me

KNOWING FLOCH NOW, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON HIS BREAKDOWN? 348 Responses

Since RtS, Floch has become a paramount character in the current manga arc. Viewing his breakdown in the episode, 37.1% respondents think the moment was great in humanizing him. 18.4% respondents are less moved and found pleasure in his despair. Several were reminded why they used to like Floch and some gave praise to his seiyuu’s performance.

Back when I read the chapters, I found Floch to be annoying, now with the recent ones I really dislike him more. I still felt the same watching the episode but the seiyuu did a good job

Um, a combination of the above options I think. I was always 'meh' about Floch until his jerkface side began to show. So I never actually 'liked' him, but I certainly empathised with him at this point, and his seiyuu was definitely brilliant!

I have never liked him, really

I don't agree with his mindset in the current chapters of the manga but seeing the fucked up shit that he went through being the sole survivor and even then not being able to revive the Commander. I can see that trauma changed him to just follow Eren's instructions that he would let someone like Zeke live on but give far lesser thoughts to his actual saviour, Levi. As such, in the particular episode and the extent of the anime, I pity him and his VA did an amazing job of displaying a normal soldier's reaction.

Independently from his future actions, I think his breakdown is irresponsible and it doesn't help, given the circumstances.

Floch's a prick, but his VA was fantastic here and actually made me sympathize with him quite a bit. Can't wait to hate him again in a few eps though.

I had a lot of sympathy for him at the time in the manga, and seeing it again has made me think about how he's come to the point he has in the current story. PTSD and survivor's guilt explain a lot.

Hate him with a passion. I had forgotten that Levi actually kinda saved him, and now knowing how he wanted to kill Levi in recent chapters made me hate him even more.

I don’t give a floch

I think there still a hidden motive that Floch has since he is definitely following Eren now. I predict that in his mind he is honoring his fallen comrades by acting the way he is in recent chapters. Might be messed up externally, but I think there is more to Floch since his motives likely match Eren’s who we still haven’t quite figured just yet.

Of course we can have sympathy for someone without justifying their actions. I do sympathise terribly with Floch's trauma as the sole survivor of the suicide charge, but I do NOT accept it as a reason to become a militant ethno-nationalist. (His seiyuu was beyond amazing tho, props)

who the fuck is floch?

MARLOWE AND MOBLIT’S DEATHS ARE COMING UP AND SOME HAVE EXPRESSED THAT THEY WOULD LIKE SOME ADDITIONAL ANIME ORIGINAL SCENES FOR THEM - THOUGHTS? 347 Responses

Sadly, Marlowe and Moblit’s death scenes will be shown within the next couple episodes. 50.1% of respondents believe these scenes are impactful enough to stick with the manga while 36% would want to see the anime had something more.

Additional scene definitely for Moblit!! Poor boi is so underrated :'-(

Marlowe :( :( :(

I would definitely like to see more of Moblit, we have barely seen him this season. I feel like the only scenes we'll see him in are pre-death and post-death (we could see him as a ghost in Erwin's grief scene). Moblit deserves way more than this. Marlowe is adorable and seeing him die will be enough to break my heart, especially when you think that the only person surviving that suicide charge was not a great person like him, but the disgusting scumbag that Floch is.

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 348 Responses

A majority of readers at 69.8% can’t wait to see the infamous first battle between Humanity’s Strongest and the War Chief. 23.3% are more enthusiastic for Armin’s face-off against Bertolt. Needless to say, it’s going to be an eventful episode.

I AM NOT READY FOR SHINGANSHINA FRIED ARMIN.

Isn’t it wild that next episode we’ll likely see the defeat of all three of the Warriors? Bye Zeke, Bye Reiner, Super-Bye Bertholdt.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

This was the best episode so far that has been aired. The emotions were high, the soundtrack was impeccable, the animation/drawings were fantastic (aka Levi had emotions!!!), and it really did a good job manifesting the hopelessness of the situation to the audience.

I forgot how hopeless the situation was during all of this. The constant narrating on stones in the background and the recruits screams really showed that

My only gripes were the music choice and lack of proper facial expression (Although, maybe that's just because Isayama is amazing at expressions)

That red mist was so horrible and made everything look so gruesome, I was in shock. This episode really hit me hard, I wasn't ready to watch it and now that I have, I'm having a hard time recovering

I was HEARTBROKEN at the end of this episode. Hard enough to read the chapter, worse still to see it on screen. So much sorrow and regret for poor Erwin.

I need that piano ost

Rip Erwin. Shinzou'ed his last sasageyo.

I've never felt something watching SnK until this episode. Erwin's face during the suicide charge was something... That was the real face of fear. He knew he had to let go his dreams for the sake of humanity, unlike previous times where he used this excuse to move forward his dream.

The music and Erwins’s voice actor made it nearly perfect

WIT is playing a dangerous game with the amount of CGI they're using. It hasn't really "ruined" anything for me yet, but they're getting close.

I cried even though i already knew what would happen. Is it normal doctor ?

The episodes have just gotten better and better, and this one might just be my favorite in the series. Definitely top 3. Just fantastic execution all around. It truly managed to bring back that feeling of hopelessness. Daisuke Onoue is an absolute legend. Not ashamed to say I cried about 3 times opon rewatches.

This episode broke me. Literally. I was mourning for Erwin for a while after, still am. I thought having read the manga would prepare me somewhat for the Vow™ conversation, but holy shit. I dunno if this is in the manga but Erwin had tears in his eyes when he sat on the crate. Erwin Smith was *crying*. And his voice (kudos to Daisuke Ono!!!) just. Absolutely wrecked me. Amazing, amazing episode. The kind you badly want to rewatch again and again but can't without bolstering up your emotional strength each goddamn time.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 332 Responses

Thanks to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again in a few days!

[wellhalesbells]

I see you reblogging some comic stuff an I was wondering if you have a favorite comic or favorite character or ship?

this ask is from so long ago but [DEEP BREATH IN] i’m finally going to answer it, nonny.  finally.  i kept wanting to read a little bit farther in my comics stack because.... maybe i’ll like that and will regret not having recced it, i just hafta--get--to it, see?  and, honestly, i’m still there BUT, come on, i’ll never be caught up because that would mean comics would just have to stop coming out and i would be sad forever if that happened, SO

i’m not even going to pretend like i can narrow this down to one comic.  (one ship?  sure, that’s spideypool.  one character?  sure, that’s the merc with a mouth, the regenerating degenerate, wade motherfucking wilson.  but one comic?!)  there is just straight-up too much out there to make a definitive ‘yes, this is it, this is THE ONE ™ ’ statement.  instead, uh, let’s break this shit down, yeah?  (super special secret bonus round, will note all lgbt+ rep and standalone comics.)  in no particular order, here the frig it goes!

HORROR

infidel, by pornsak pichetshote and aaron campbell.  in case you haven’t seen this on every 2018 best list ever, here it is.  and, yeah, it was good.  a muslim-american main character living in a haunted apartment building where the entities feed off the xenophobia of its occupants.  if that’s not a fucking modern horror story i don’t know what is.

spread, by justin jordan and kyle strahm.  THIS IS ONE OF MY NEW AND ALREADY ALL-TIME FAVORITES.  what an awesomely weird and epic story.  the spread is an uncontrollable, unstoppable monster-making force that humanity accidentally unleashed by digging too deep.  it infects everything it touches and basically all of humanity is running from quarantine to quarantine just hoping for the best.  and speaking of hope.... she’s a baby, rescued by no, and the only thing that’s ever been able to stop the spread.  also, no’s gay?  and i just DID NOT see that coming.  it seems like it’s going to be such a formulaic, bro-y story about the action hero who kisses the face off his girl (her name’s molly and she’s batshit insane and amazing) and instead, nope, it is not that at all.  lgbt+ main characters.

the black monday murders, by jonathan hickman and tomm coker.  hate capitalism?  think all the rich and powerful are evil, soul-sucking monsters?  [obnoxious, low-budget commercial sound effects] MAN, HAVE I GOT THE SERIES FOR YOU.

the beauty, by jeremy haun and jason a. hurley.  i just started this recently but so far, oh my good golly gosh, i looove it.  a sexually transmitted disease that makes you conventionally gorgeous.... at least before it explodies you.  [wide, creepy smile]  the art is gorgeous, the characters are aces and i am very, very pleased so far.  lgbt+ minor characters.

the great divide, by ben fisher and adam markiewicz.  this?  was a COOL idea.  the execution stumbled a bit but, gosh, was it neat.  it’s post-apocalyptic where touching another person will literally kill.... one of you.  the survivor then absorbs the memories of the person who dies, taking on a ‘rider.’  some people collect them, some people go mad, some form a bond, all have the side effect of dyslexia.  like i said, neat as all get out.  lgbt+ minor-ish/main-ish character.  standalone.

revival, by tim seely and mike norton.  a rural town in wisconsin experiences ‘miracle day,’ where the dead rise again.... except, they were kinda already mourned and buried and this is really just fucking up the status quo.

the woods, by james tynion iv and michael dialynas.  a high school gets picked up and plopped down in an entirely new, and wickedly hostile universe.  it’s all survival and alliances and seeing what you’re really made of when it comes down to it.  lgbt+ main characters. 

clean room, by gail simone and jon davis-hunt.  a cult, a journalist and a clean room walk into a bar...

anya’s ghost, by vera brosgol.  you think it’ll be a cute story of a girl and her ghost.  HA HA THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS AT ALL, OKAY.

FANTASY

rumble, by john arcudi and james harren.  SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD, SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD, SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD!!!  okay, first off, the art in this?  pushes every friggin’ button i’ve got, and many i did not know i had.  second, this book is so fucking fun.  it’s mythology that’s balls to the wall ridiculous, funny, and features a main character whose life motto is basically: ‘do i have to?’  infinitely relatable and then some.

heathen, by natasha alterici and rachel deering.  UGH, ONE OF MY FAVORITES.  the art is just horribly, horrendously gorgeous and it’s LESBIAN VIKING MYTHOLOGY, OKAY.  OKAYYYY???   lgbt+ main characters.

the wicked + the divine, by kieron gillen and jamie mckelvie.  one of my favorite ever series right here.  it’s a hella cool concept (gods reincarnating as humans every twelve years, and burning up their hosts in two), whip-smart and if you’ve ever met a human being who likes a pun more than kieron gillen i defy you to produce them.  lgbt+ main and minor characters.

batgirl, by gail simone and adrian sayaf and vicente cifuentes.  you know how people rave about gail simone?  there’s a reason people rave about gail simone.  honestly, i’ve never had much interest in babs.  i don’t tend to go for superheroes who don’t kill and i have even less interest in ‘the killing joke’ story line and i am convinced only gail simone could’ve done the recovery on that and she did a GLORIOUS job of it.

red hood and the outlaws, by scott lobdell and dexter soy.  (ignoring recent - and annoying - developments), this is my favorite of all the rebirths dc did.  scott lobdell is the only writer to have gotten the idea down of: okay, we’re starting over, i assume you don’t know anything but i also assume there are a bajillion people reading who know everything, and hit the perfect medium between those two things.  so if you want to start a jason todd run, you legitimately can here, and get all the found family, badassery, batman-teasing enjoyment there is to be had.

iceman, by sina grace and robert gill (covers by kevin wada).  classic super-heroing here and bobby’s first solo title.  he’s figuring out coming out while fighting (and flirting) with baddies.  sina really gets his humor and how truly wonder-awful it is!  lgbt+ main character.

spider-man/deadpool, by joe kelly and ed mcguinness.  watch those names there, those are your guys right there, period.  they looked at the void of a spider-man/deadpool series and filled it with absolutely everything you could possibly want for the pair (sans a hardcore make-out sesh, though they did get a few variant covers with some puckered up lips in there!)

limbo, by dan watters and caspar wijngaard.  a fusion of 80s aesthetics, voodoo elements and a noir tone.  just some remarkably cool shit in this.  the ending, for me, left something to be desired but it was more than worth it to see worship via mixtapes.  standalone.

hawkeye: kate bishop, by kelly thompson and leonardo romero.  kate bishop is, apparently???, a super impossible character for a lot of writers.  kelly thompson is not one of them.  kelly thompson is my favorite kate bishop writer, actually, and the fact that she is ever not writing her is a gd travesty.

the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north and erica henderson.  honestly, i’m so tempted to just stick this under ‘contemporary,’ because it really does just feel very... normal.  doreen’s navigating college, new friendships, and y’know... the squirrely-ness.  this had every opportunity to suck and instead it’s funny as heck, never takes itself too seriously, and is just pure good-hearted entertainment through and through.

wolf, by ales kot and matt taylor.  a paranormal detective and the-possible-antichrist go on a road trip.  people hated this comic and i don’t know how you can hate a comic that has a character called freddy chtonic who has tentacles for a mouth??? 

ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson and adrian alphona.  hi, you read ms. marvel because the world is a garbage fire and people are terrible and your cynicism is at an all time high and then kamala khan waltzes in and reminds you people generally want to help each other and the world improves when we work together and that thing optimists feel?  you’ll feel that for as long as you’ve got the pages open and that’s a magical thing.  lgbt+ minor character.

monstress, by marjorie m. liu and sana takeda.  psychic links with monsters, matriarchal societies, magic and witchery, half-human/half-animal (and other ratios) characters, all through a steampunk lens.  what’s not to like about that??

inhuman, by charles soule.  i love this series, i love the idea of being a total average joe/joanne, getting smacked in the face by a cloud of mist and suddenly having to figure out how to live basically a whole new life.  also, if you don’t fall madly in love with dante pertuz, i don’t even know what to tell you, my dude.

heart in a box, by kelly thompson and meredith mcclaren.  break-ups suck, but only because of that whole pesky broken heart thing, right?  so emma gives hers away.  problem solved, no?  standalone.

i kill giants, by joe kelly and j.m. ken niimura.  i didn’t cry my eyes out or anything.  did not.  standalone.

sex criminals, by matt fraction and chip zdarsky.  having sex = stopping time, which leads suzie and jon to the only logical conclusion: let’s rob some banks!

hawkeye, by matt fraction and david aja.  honestly there are a lot of other artist combos in this run but the only ones that are worthwhile are the ones that have fraction and aja’s names on them - sorry not sorry.

SCIENCE FICTION

black bolt, by saladin ahmed and christian ward.  saladin revived this character one hundred million percent.  there is absolutely a reason this was parading around all over ‘best’ lists when it was released.  it really, really did the damn thing.

saga, by brian k. vaughan and fiona staples.  this is the comic you recommend to people who don’t even like comics because it is that good.  like, my dad - who hadn’t read a comic since he was a pre-teen, eagerly awaits each new trade.  the world-building, the characters, the care put into every single solitary bit of all the things?  unparalleled.  lgbt+ minor characters.

frostbite, by joshua williamson and jason shawn alexander.  a post-apocalyptic story that has humanity dying from a plague that literally freezes you from the inside out.  very neat, very cold, very readable.  standalone.

descender, by jeff lemire and dustin nguyen.  this had a rough start, for me, with the main character of the first trade being tim-21, an android who is literally incapable of having the depth to be a lead BUT that does not last through to the next trade, thank god.  lots of space and found family and world-building in this to be had!  but you know how people rave about jeff lemire?  there’s a reason people rave about jeff lemire.

paper girls, by brian k. vaughan and cliff chiang.  the 80s and time travel and lifelong friendships.  it’s brian k. vaughan, you know it’s good, okay?  why do i even have to sell you here, man?  lgbt+ main characters.

injection, by warren ellis and declan shalvey.  this is another one on my list that started out a little rough but really appealed to me later on.  there was just a lot to absorb in that first trade but, once you’ve got it, the ride gets way, way smoother.   lgbt+ main and minor characters.

black science, by rick remender and matteo scalera.  this was a rocky start, because the main character is such an asshole but in a way where he can’t see he’s an asshole, he’s just a tortured genius who’s superior to all of you, don’t you know? but i am so glad i persevered because if that’s the set up?  the rest of the series is knocking him back down.  super scientist grant mckay finds a way to access the eververse, every possible reality the universe has on offer, and that’s really what causes every single problem that follows.  hard to cause the apocalypse and be an arrogant prick, ya know?

CONTEMPORARY

giant days, by john allison and lissa treiman.  this series is so funny and smart and warm.  these girls are so kind to each other and relatable and failing at adulting regularly and often and i love reading about them.  lgbt+ main character.

lumberjanes, by noelle stevenson and grace ellis and brooke a. allen.  this is funny and ridiculous and kind and cool and all other awesome adjectives and you should read it, fact.  lgbt+ main characters.

my brother’s husband, by gengoroh tagame and anne ishii (translator).  this is such a sweet story about acceptance and family tbh.   lgbt+ main character.

fence, by c. s. pacat and johanna the mad.  i mean... i need to see nicholas and seiji hook-up, i need that, stat.  stat means now!   lgbt+ main characters.

WEB/INDEPENDENT COMICS

long exposure, by kam heyward.  so mitch and jonas are my absolute faves and i love them to death and the author is so kind in that they actually put this up in print on indyplanet so i can read it the way i, personally, love to read comics (and - bonus! - support them with the monies).  lgbt+ main characters.

modern dread, by pat shand and ryan fassett (editors).  i’ve been trying to find more better horror comics lately so i’ve been kind of half-heartedly stumbling through kickstarter on the hunt and this was SUCH a great find.  it’s an anthology but more cleverly done than any other kickstarter anthology i’ve read, with a main story line that seamlessly strings together the would-be-disjointed ones.  this was really thoughtfully put together and really well done!  standalone.

heartstopper, by alice oseman.  a very sweet story about two high school-aged boys becoming fast friends, playing rugby and falling in love.  the two characters are mentioned as an aside in the author’s book, solitaire, and she became so invested in them that she wrote their backstory as a free webcomic.   lgbt+ main characters.

the pale, by jay fabares.  JUST started this (like, just a day or so ago) but i’m enjoying it so far!

hotblood!, by toril orlesky.  i mean... is it a webcomic about a centaur falling in love with his boss?  it just might be.  did i get a bound edition through a kickstarter campaign?  maybe.  maybe i did that.  who’s to say?   lgbt+ main characters.

the bay, by bbz.  life on mars through the lens of three young professionals who form an odd but lasting friendship.  lgbt+ main characters.

hard drive, by artroan.  is it a nsfw comic about a dude and a robot?  .... it might be a nsfw comic about a dude and a robot.  [coughs]   lgbt+ main characters.

seen nothing yet, by tess stone.  a nsfw comic about two amateur ghost hunters.  can’t imagine why i might be interested in that [coughs]   lgbt+ main characters.

captain imani and the cosmic chase, by lin darrow and alex assan.  i mean did i want a starship captain who can’t help but lust after the smuggler he’s chasing.  i mean, maybe i did.  maybe.   lgbt+ main characters.

taproot, by keezy young.  ghost falls in love with boy, boy falls in love with ghost, AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.  lgbt+ main characters.

always raining here, by bell and hazel.  just two boys falling in lurve.  lgbt+ main characters.

[ilovedeadlypremonition]

Deadly Premonition director, Hidetaka “Swery” Suehiro, officially announced his upcoming “Debt Repayment Life Simulation RPG (with Cats)” The Good Life at his PAX West Panel this afternoon!

We already got a short teaser trailer a week or so ago after the”cat was let out of the bag” but now with Swery’s official announcement we have a brand new trailer, tons of concept art, the game’s crowdfund details, and thanks to the official press release a more detailed plot outline.

THE STORY

Based in an RPG-style town filled with fun activities and fascinating people, THE GOOD LIFE offers a thrilling, twisting murder mystery. At first glance, Rainy Woods looks like a normal country town in Northern England comprised of stone houses built in the Middle Ages, nestled in abundant nature and surrounded by forest. Looking deeper, however, Rainy Woods is home to a bizarre and deadly mystery. Throughout the day, the townsfolk work hard, look out for one another, love their families, and enjoy nightly drinks at the local pubs. Each character has a unique personality and lifestyle. Events change depending on the time of day, weather, and season. Even though some may argue that they live in a video game world, the townsfolk of Rainy Woods still worry, suffer, love, hate, and have fun as any real person would. Rainy Woods and its small English aesthetic exudes a unique sense of charm, fully realized when, in the dark of night, its villagers transform into cats.

Players star as Naomi, a photographer straddled with debt who moves from New York City to Rainy Woods. As an étrangère, players feel both alienated yet strangely comfortable as they must make friends, solve mysteries, and become emotionally invested in Naomi’s quest to make a life for herself in the happiest and most bizarre town in the world. To pay off her debt, she sends reports and photographs on villagers and their town as she uncovers its deadly secret.

THE GOOD LIFE is a mystery tale in the vain of Raymond Chandler or Conan Doyle. Players make a tragic discovery in the town’s river—the brutally murdered body of a young girl, her heart pierced by an ancient, medieval sword. Having first arrived in Rainy Woods to uncover the secrets of the happiest town in the world and payoff her debt, Naomi is thrusted into a bizarre mystery, setting her journalist heart ablaze as she sets her sights on revealing the truth behind the young girl’s murder.

THE GAME

Genre: Debt Repayment Life Simulation RPG Platforms: PC + TBD Console(s) Release Date: Q3 2019 Target Developer: White Owls

So we got a murder mystery/life sim, with cute cats, a cast of bizarre characters with their own 24 hours schedules, AND events that will change depending on the time of day, weather and season?

[More details, pictures and my thoughts under the cut!]

The Campaign

If you are as hyped as I am you can help make Swery’s new game a reality by contributing to The Good Life’s Fig campaign. The development team is hoping to raise at least $1.5M USD to bring a digital version game to both PC and consoles. Fans can lend support via traditional reward based backing or by investing in Fig game shares of the game. There’s a number or different tiers and rewards available for The Good Life ranging from simply receiving a digital copy of the game when it is released for $29 to actually becoming a character within the game as a reward for donating a whopping $35K! Though if any rich fans out there are considering the $35k tier please note that there’s a chance you might end up being brutally murdered in the game. (Yikes!)

Looking at all the tiers though I must say I’m a bit disappointed by the lack of any sort of physical rewards being offered. I mean a real signed message card from Swery is a lot more tempting than a digital one… But there seems to be some hope that this may change looking at the responses to some of the early “backstage” backers. It seems Swery and the campaign team are looking into the possibility of including some physical rewards in the future and are even asking for suggestions!

Personally I would love to see a physical copy of the game or an art/guide book myself! Heck a stuffed kitty Naomi or even a sheep would be pretty awesome additions too!

[Update!]  A physical award tier has been added and for $269+shipping you can get a package with some cool game swag! Now if you picked another tier don’t worry you can update your pledge and pick choose to add a number of DLC and physical items!

The Idea

Even though Swery’s announcement of a new game so soon after returning from retirement and opening his studio, White Owls, was kind of a surprise (or maybe it was just me?) it turns out Swery’s been developing the idea for The Good Life for quite awhile now.

According to the “SWERY’S Voice” video on The Good Life’s fig campaign page that describes the game’s inspiration, vision, and story the idea behind the game was sparked after Deadly Premonition’s producer (I assume Tomio Kanazawa) was suddenly transferred to London, England while Swery continued work on Deadly Premonition in Osaka, Japan. Swery was sad to be left behind but the long distance communication between the two ended up inspiring the idea of being sent to a rural English town and being unable to leave.

Swery’s initial idea continued to refine and expand in the back of his mind over the years even while developing, the now sadly incomplete, D4 – Dark Dreams Don’t Die.

Back in 2015 Swery took a brief retirement from game development to focus on recovering from reactive hypoglycemia and during this hiatus he finished the first draft of a murder mystery novel set in a British countryside town from the perspective of a cat.

I've been eager to hear more about his mystery book for while but now with the The Good Life's announcement I'm beginning to think Swery's novel may have inspired the whole investigating a murder mystery while as a cat angle of The Good Life game.

Now this connection between the game and novel it is pure speculation on my part at this point but given that both are revolve around a strange premise of cat investigating a murder in a rural England just seems way too coincidental.  Plus the novel's working title of " I Am Not a Cat " really makes me believe that the main character may have been a human at some point which is very similar to Naomi's situation in The Good Life as she only temporarily turns into a cat during the night while living Rainy Woods!

By the way the characters listed on the campaign page are kind of amazing…and here I thought the residents of Greenvale were a bit strange. I like how Swery seems to be continuing the tradition of a single black male among a caucasian population (who is also named the “totally normal cat” btw lol) and an insomniac who works with the dead. I wonder if the “person name Kaysen” that has occurred in Swery’s last three games (Spy Fiction, Deadly Premonition, and D4) will also continue in The Good Life?  It is also kind of amusing that the “Handsome Nurse” is known just as “Gay Cat” I’m guessing this means Naomi won’t be able to make any love connections with that bloke?

Game Mechanics

In The Good Life the story mission  focuses on three core points: paying off a huge debt, uncovering the town’s secret, and solving a murder of Elizabeth, the lone daughter of the village pastor.

Photography

Since Naomi is a professional photographer from New York it is no surprise that taking photos is a major gameplay mechanic featured in the game. The monetary rewards for Naomi’s daily reports will heavily factor around the quality and rarity of the photos players take during the day.

Capturing the perfect photo may prove to be a little difficult at first. You won’t actually know how any of your photos will turn out until they are developed them back at Naomi’s house and ranked as either a “success” or “failure” and only successful photos will be sent over to the client for rewards. As players progress through the game there will be opportunities to upgrade and even purchase special cameras that will help the players take better pictures.

Part- time Jobs

But taking photos and sending daily reports isn’t the only way Naomi can cut down her debt. The game also allows players to take a number of part time jobs around town including bartending at the local pub, delivering milk, shearing sheep and other rural tasks.

Some of these part time jobs will give the players opportunities to make a fortune but they can also be exhausting and some can even be dangerous so you have to choose your side jobs wisely!

Any money earned in these ventures can be put towards paying off the ever looming unpaid debt or spent on fun things for Naomi.

Customization

The Good Life is a RPG after all so it’s no surprise that as players progress through the game Naomi stats will improve and fun customizations for Naomi in both her human and cat forms can also be acquired. Naomi’s range of daily activity will expand based on her stamina and movement speed so the more points you earn or temporarily acquire via clothing will allow for more photo taking and fun activities during the day.

Life Maintenance and Stamina

…and speaking of stamina just like in Deadly Premonition and D4  it is important to keep Naomi well fed and rested during her stay in Rainy Woods. I’m pretty excited to see all the English dishes that will be available for consumption… There were a few dishes listed over on the campaign page including one of my favorites, Fish and Chips, which I have a feeling Naomi will end up eat a lot of during my own play through unless there happens to be a lot of smoked salmon…

But eating and sleeping isn’t the only thing players need to keep an eye on during Naomi’s stay they also must balance Naomi’s income so while she’s paying back her debt she will still have enough money left over to not only take care of her daily needs, but also have enough for the upkeep of her camera, the development of photos, and her daily shipments of reports back to New York.

The most surprising examples of one of her special expenses that’s listed over on the campaign page is the need to buy sanitary goods for Naomi once a month. It’s a normal expense in my own life but it’s something I’ve never seen mentioned let alone forced on a player to even consider while in control of a female protagonist before. It’s pretty amazing that sort of detail was even included!

I also thought that way alcohol consumption in the game is handled is really interesting as well. Giving Naomi alcohol will provide some high rewards in the short term as it will alleviate both her hunger and her thirst in one shot but if she continues to overindulge in drink throughout her stay she will develop a dependency for it. It’s pretty neat to see the real life consequence of addiction in a video game... I hope Rainy Woods also has a good 12-step program!

Special Events

The Good Life also features several seasonal events that offer special rewards. The game’s campaign didn’t go into a lot of details but in Spring there will be cherry blossom dance festival,  there’s a Tea Harvest in Summer, while during the Fall Naomi can harvest nuts and catch fat river fish, and in Winter  find minerals and maybe earn a present from Santa Claus(?)

Being a Cat

During the night while Naomi is in cat form players have the opportunity to investigate places you may not have access to while in human form and a chance to get closer to different villagers while they are in their cat forms by bringing them various trash…er I mean “kitty themed” presents…Some items you find while as a cat may even fetch a high price during the day and unlock some more special story events.

A few of the possible treasures a player can find are seen above...Hmm, I wonder if those “suspicious seeds” are anything like the ones you can find in Greenvale…

Graphics

As for graphics The Good Life’s campaign page describe them as being both “Nostalgic and Modern” using low polygon models with simple textures but also making use of CG-esque atmospheric lighting, fog, shadows, and glare elements well.

The game does look rather simple but it still has a very distinct and unique look. I’ve always prefered a great story over great graphics so I don’t mind the game’s simple design in the slightest :) I do think the sheep are really adorable in this art style though!

Atmosphere

If all of the features above hasn’t already peaked your interest maybe the Fig campaign description of The Good Life’s atmosphere will do the trick:

“THE GOOD LIFE has intriguing elements inspired by Twin Peaks. It will also feature the old-timey British traditions seen in classic shows such as Downtown Abbey and Poirot.  This is a Swery Game, so expect a healthy dosage of horror, mystery, humor and taboo topics that helped make Deadly Premonition such a cult hit.  Our humor will reflect some of the elements from Hot Fuzz and other classic British comedies.”

Man it was already a give-in that I would be excited for The Good Life since I’m such a big fan of Deadly Premonition (and Twin Peaks) but I can also expect some Hot Fuzz style humor too?!

Guys, Hot Fuzz is one of my all-time favorite films ever so this comparison has me even more excited to play the game!

Hmm… Rainy Woods is described as the “Happiest Town in the World” with the “happiest people on the planet” which is pretty similar to the situation of Sandford always winning “Village of the Year” in Hot Fuzz…I wonder does Rainy Woods have an equivalent of the Neighborhood Watch Alliance?

Hey Naomi, if the townsfolk start chanting about things being “all for the greater good” I would make run for it!

The Developers

The Good Life will be the  joint effort between three developers: Swery’s studio, White Owls, along with G-rounding and Camouflaj. Swery and his team will provide the creative and artistic direction for the game while G-rounding will manage the production and game creation and Camouflaj will provide both production support and supervision.

I really hope The Good Life’s Fig campaign is successful as it looks like a whole lot of fun. I’m eager to see how the game will come together and “enjoy my best life” in 2019

[queerloquial]

tagged by @nonbeanary-squid

1. Nicknames: magpie (with or without ‘the’ in front), birdie, nerdlord

2. Gender: gendervague, so, agender variant “my brain doesnt work right so what the actual fuck even is a gender”

3. Star sign: aquarius

4. Height: 5′5.5

5. Time: 9:25 am as of typing this

6. Birthday: february 10

7. Favorite bands: fall out boy, radical face, panic! at the disco, linkin park, yes im still a goddamn emo leave me alone

8. Favorite solo artists: uhhhh shit idk hozier?

9. Song stuck in my head: mr mistoffelees from the cats musical

10. Last movie I watched: the iron giant

11. Last show I watched: leverage, and i am Very sad bc netflix is taking it off their list tomorrow

12. When did I create my blog: i was lurking on blogs in high school but i dont think i created my own until late 2012/early 2013. this specific blog has been around since december 2016, i moved bc i got discourse’d at for saying gay aces exist

13. What do I post/reblog: mostly funny/sappy posts, some fandom shit, occasionally feel-good posts when i remember to reblog them. and every once in a while a vaguely discourse-y post, but i try to keep those to a minimum bc im here to have fun, not to get some kid yelling in my inbox abt how ive got bad opinions and should die

14. Last thing I googled: uh. shit idk [...] it was ‘current temperature -hometown- va’. bc why walk all the way to the other side of the house to check the thermostat

15. Do I have any other blogs: @sharedheadspace is the system blog, and ive got 2 nsfw blogs of varying purpose, only one of which i will ever give out to anyone but a select handful of people

16. Do I get asks: only if i reblog an ask meme and my partner has the spoons to send one

17. Why I chose my url: im autistic. my name is magpie

18. Halloween costume: to be quite fuckin honest i forgot it even was halloween until my mom asked if it was late enough we could turn our porch light on again

19. Fave vine: gO suck a dICK suck a dICK suck a mOTHErfucKING diiiick (suck a diiick) sUUUCK a hUUUGE or smAALLL dIIICK

20. Average hours of sleep: vaguely 7?

21. Lucky number: 13

22. Instruments: i played the keyboard in middle school but ever since we turned my piano into a desk i havent touched an instrument

23. What am I wearing: a college tshirt i wore yesterday + a pair of athletic shorts i kept from high school

24. Dream job: baker

25. Dream trip: visiting my partner and just never leaving

26. Favorite food: pizza tbh

27. Nationality: american

28. Favorite song right now: i dont think i currently have One Song i like more than the others tbh

29. Last book read: i got another couple chapters into the elder scrolls novel ‘the infernal city’ at the laundromat yesterday. i dont really read much these days, it takes a form of concentration i just dont feel up to exerting for anything but my special interests

30. Fictional Universe You’d want to join (top three): being a very out of shape neurodivergent with strong sensory issues, i would survive in notably few fictional universes. stardew valley doesnt seem too bad tho, and its possible i could do ok in the ~other side of reality~ from my partners game. third choice is the mass effect universe altho only when theres no major crises going on bc chances are id have a shit time :P

tagging time @loghainmactir @mageheart @gunplayreyes uhhh tbh i think thats all the mutuals i have who havent already been tagged + who have any likelihood of answering

[argonapricot]

when you REBLOG IT do ALL OF THEM

1: Name - Julia

2: Age - the number of protons in an argon atom! My favorite element! That didn’t even occur to me until just now and I am delighted.

3: 3 Fears -

1. Plane crashes

2. Dementia

3. Bad things happening to pets

4: 3 things I love -

1. elves

2. Dvorak

3. making fun of you

5: 4 turns on

1. Linguistics

2. The end credit music from Attack of the Clones

3. Girls

4. Chord resolutions

6: 4 turns off

1. Sex

2. Existentialism

3. Depression

4. Logistical complications

7: My best friend - three of alex in a trenchcoat

8: Sexual orientation - homosexualism

9: My best first date - I’ve only had one! Unless you count Mackenzie Week which wow I sure don’t yikes

But yeah, the actual first date was cute af we were adorable and drenched

10: How tall am I - not tall enough

11: What do I miss - so much all the time, god. Having it be a normal and socially accessible activity to play pretend when you hang out with friends. Having a girlfriend, lol. Playing outside in the yard, my brother being a tiny little puffball. Being an impressive child. So many childhood things actually I’m an enormous sap. Not being depressed?

12: What time was I born - 7:02 in the evening, I think

13: Favorite color - poorple

14: Do I have a crush - um i have like 7 I’m bad at getting over people

15: Favorite quote - “the answer is six” - alex, that one time the answer wasn’t six

16: Favorite place - it’s a secret!

17: Favorite food - academic vigor

18: Do I use sarcasm - no of course not

19: What am I listening to right now - the clock trying to guilt me from across the room

20: First thing I notice in new person - whether or not they are painted green 

21: Shoe size - 9/12

22: Eye color - Brown! Maybe like ¼ hazel

23: Hair color - also brown! It gets lighter in the summer, the sun bleaches it a bit.

24: Favorite style of clothing - gay

25: Ever done a prank call? - I used to prank call Clarissa every time I called her in like middle school, but it was always super obvious that it was me I think

27: Meaning behind my URL - my favorite element, paired with a handy dandy alliteration fruit that I enjoy

28: Favorite movie - Alex making a fool of herself

jk it’s I guess Lord of the Rings but I’m honestly so bad with favorites especially movies

29: Favorite song - I’ve been listening to Hurt by Johnny Cash a LOT lately, for fictional angst purposes and also it’s just a really good song

30: Favorite band - the Grady Knights Philharmonic

31: How I feel right now - sad that I’m only on number 31

32: Someone I love - Lee Pope

33: My current relationship status - so single you don’t even know

34: My relationship with my parents - good! I have great parents they are great!

35: Favorite holiday - I’ve only actually been to a Tu b’shvat seder once, but it was so incredibly rad and it’s a good holiday I approve of it.

36: Tattoos and piercing i have - none

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - none?

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - to get in on that sweet pjo fandom action

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? nah bro @alphaj8de hi five

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - I exchange “goodnights” with someone if we end a conversation by going to bed?

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - quite possibly!

42: When did I last hold hands? - I hold hands with Tolkien every day of my life

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Depends on how slowly I get out of bed

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? - yeah

45: Where am I right now? - on a couch

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - fanfiction, probably, since all of my good caring friends are Leaving me to go to Party College, or alternatively Very Far Away And Stupidly Cold Stupid College

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - I like my music neurotically soft

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - for the next like two months

49: Am I excited for anything? - college! Hannah’s lake house! garbage on the internet! 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - I rarely tell Everything to anyone

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - I suck at fake smiles, and can only maintain them (when called for) in three-second bursts

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - I hugged Benjamin earlier today

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - I would stand there like a tool.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - YEAH @cognitivelyagitated I can’t believe you took advantage of my eighth grade self like that and I can’t believe my eighth grade self was that stupid.

55: What is something I disliked about today? - Discord crashed and my online friend was not online.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - *mumblemumble*

57: What do I think about most? - characters doing Things

58: What’s my strangest talent? - I have the power to make sleeping possums knit

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - macaroni and cheese, also certain noises that make me flip out and cringe

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - I can go both ways!

61: What was the last lie I told? - the answer to that sarcasm question

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - what is communication

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I don’t devote a lot of energy into having opinions on ghosts or aliens one way or the other.

64: Do I believe in magic? - sometimes

65: Do I believe in luck? - I mean luck is just the concept that sometimes good things happen and sometimes they don’t? So yeah, the experimental probability of good things that happen is a thing.

66: What’s the weather like right now? - hot and humid

67: What was the last book I’ve read? - I’m in the middle of like four books right now, the last one I finished was I think A Conjuring Of Light? In the shades of magic trilogy, which was hype.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - no!

69: Do I have any nicknames? - julesliaia

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - I broke my arm in seventh grade

71: Do I spend money or save it? - both!

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - there are some pink things visible on the screen where this is being typed?

74: Favorite animal? - I like all kinds of cats

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - watching Episode 3 of IDOL Drama Operation Team

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - why would he have a last name

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - I can’t think of the best answer right now

78: How can you win my heart? - elf appreciation

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - my name would be nice

80: What is my favorite word? - right now, sepulchral

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - I don’t really rate tumblrs!

82:  If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - stop! being stupid! stop being mean! Help the planet and also other people! I don’t know

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - being able to sing well would be nice

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - are you spending your time responsibly?

86: What is my current desktop picture? - Yosemite

87: Had sex? - y

88: Bought condoms? - n

89: Gotten pregnant? - n

90: Failed a class? - n

91: Kissed a boy? - n

92: Kissed a girl? - y

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - I think so, yeah

94: Had job? - y

95: Left the house without my wallet? - y

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - n

97: Had sex in public? - nah that’s your gig

98: Played on a sports team? - I was a part of the Lucky Clovers soccer team in like 1st and 2nd grade

99: Smoked weed? - n

100: Did drugs? - n

101: Smoked cigarettes? - n

102: Drank alcohol? - some! on special occasions

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - n

104: Been overweight? - n

105: Been underweight? - n

106: Been to a wedding? - Yeah, a couple!

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - ………..probably on some late nights, but that’s terrible and I feel ashamed and sad

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - n

109: Been outside my home country? - twice! Once to Spain and once to Mexico

110: Gotten my heart broken? - There have been a couple instances of vague heart breakage idk

111: Been to a professional sports game? - during TIP camps, yes

112: Broken a bone? - y

114: Been to prom? - I was busy Killing It at Carnegie Hall

115: Been in airplane? - y

116: Fly by helicopter? - n

117: What concerts have I been to? - @queer-sighted took me to a Fall Out Boy concert two summers ago, which was lots of fun! I’ve been to a lot of ASO concerts that Mom gets tickets to for producing the show, and a bunch of other classical music occasions, and some concerts that I’ve played!

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - yeah. like. a Lot.

119: Learned another language? - I learned some okay French

120: Wore make up? - y

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - y but virginity is dumb

122: Had oral sex? - y

123: Dyed my hair? - n

124: Voted in a presidential election? - I was too young!

125: Rode in an ambulance? - n

126: Had a surgery? - yeah, on my foot in second grade

127: Met someone famous? - my crush met Selena Gomez does that count

128: Stalked someone on a social network? - only a tiny bit

129: Peed outside? - of course

130: Been fishing? - I’ve stood near some people who were fishing sometimes

131: Helped with charity? - I’ve worked on a lot of tikkun olam projects? And volunteered places? And donated tzeddakah? I don’t know what specifically constitutes charity.

132: Been rejected by a crush? - only very indirectly I have the forthcoming romantic initiative of a slug

133: Broken a mirror? - no

134: What do I want for birthday? - ummmm books and mamamoo I guess? Maybe a new tablet

[storydevs]

Forbidden Gay Birds & 300+ Reserved Handles!

It’s update time! Since it’s been a long time I guess I’ll make this a correspondingly long update. Here’s an overview of the things I’ll cover:

Visual;Conference (VNConf) recap

About page design & content update

It’s not a bird

Modal/dialogue windows restored + improved

Asset Store / Talent Database restrictions

Current goals

300+ Reserved Handles

Excuses

Visual;Conference!

Along with a bunch of others, I recently spoke at Visual;Conference. My talk was an adaption of this post I wrote about logo design, with a few changes here and there. And I think it went okay! You’ll be able to see all the talks on YouTube by February, along with links to slides. I’ll let you know once they’re up.

The conference began at 3am in my timezone, so I ended up having to leave for sleep before it ended. As a result most of my memory is skewed toward the first half of the event.

I enjoyed Kuiper’s talk about Route 59′s methods in securing grant money. One key point I remember from it included the need to tailor your pitch according to your audience (e.g., an arts body will be convinced by different pitches than financial investors). Another point was to avoid describing yourself (e.g., ”I’m motivated”) and instead make your audience come to that conclusion but telling them all the things you’ve done — a compliment you pay yourself isn’t worth anything.

I also enjoyed Christine’s talk about the narrative design of Ladykiller. She discussed the idea of design narrative with choices as a base unit; i.e., designing the visual novel around its choices and their regularity. Another interesting point was her insistence on having a user interface designed early on so that you know what the audience is will be experiencing as you write.

So overall it was fun and interesting. It’d be nice if there were another conference that was shorter, maybe 3 - 4 hours long but with talks that are around 40 minutes to an hour in length rather than 20 minutes max. I probably would’ve given a different talk if I’d had more time. Regardless Randy/Agilis did a great job organising VNconf.

About Page Design & Content Update

There’s been a few design changes to the about page. First is the text-alignment alternating from left to right. Next, is the text being broken up by rows of graphics. The first contains social media icons that are animated (more on that in a bit!), and the second ... contains nothing. It’ll contain an image of people “storying”, whatever that looks like — I may commission an artist for that at some point.

(Larger version of above image here.)

The text itself has undergone changes. The first paragraph is largely the same, but I’ve replaced subsequent paragraphs that were previously about the talent database and its advantages. I felt those original points were unnecessarily self-congratulatory. If someone is already on the site you shouldn’t need to tell them how great the search is — they should be using it and coming to that conclusion themselves. So the about page now links to it and the home page will too.

The first paragraph is followed by the row of animated social media icons. Previously the social media stuff was just a bullet point list. Now they look like this in action:

The next two paragraphs are kinda stubs right now — starting points to flesh out later. The second paragraph, “StoryDevs Is Partisan”, is concerning the fact that StoryDevs isn’t a “neutral” place, and that people harmful to the community, whether their harm was intended or not, will be removed. This paragraph still needs reworking, I think. I’d like to focus more on what we do stand for rather than what we don’t.

The last paragraph, “Code Of Conduct”, isn’t... exactly a code of conduct per se, but it is about communicating with others on the site. I feel a culture where criticism is present and highly visible is essential, and something that needs to be fought for — when I hear people questioning whether criticism should even be on a development site or whether critics have a “real job” (things I’ve actually seen debated on VN dev/enthusiast sites) that’s depressing. My mind throws that in the same category as “we don’t need science”. Art forms stagnate without critical thought and discussion. We need proper guidelines and examples for criticism on the site to help cultivate an honest, knowledgeable, and friendly community.

I also made a loading animation that shows when switching pages / modes / modals:

The Titular Bird

I used both Twitter’s and Tumblr’s media kits to make my own social media buttons above. Most companies have media kits available with high res versions of their logos and sometimes they offer guidelines on how to use said logos — e.g., minimum amount of white-space to use around their graphics so that they look nice, etc. Twitter’s guidelines are especially funny though; here’s an excerpt (larger pic here):

Here Twitter goes into a bizarre amount of detail of what not to do, with such jewels as:

Do not use metaphorically to suggest a bird. It’s not a bird, it’s a symbol of Twitter

The document is absurd in its suggestion that basically any modification is a misuse. I took it as a challenge to disobey as many of these suggestions as I could. The below illustration of a gay bir- uh, I mean, symbol of Twitter is actually what gave me the idea for the animation I shared above:

Anyway, none of that is really related to StoryDevs. Onward!

Modal/Dialog Windows Restored + Improved

These are finally back in working order with no small amount of pain. They’re very similar to before: some links will bring up these dialog windows (I call them modals — tomayto tomahto) so that you don’t lose your place on the site when you do stuff like login or sign up to the mailing list.

There’s few cosmetic changes: the button to close the window is now square to be consistent with the upper-right buttons in the search groups. The status message in the bottom-left is now coloured yellow-ish and italicised to draw more attention to itself. StoryDevs has a pretty decent email confirmation rate but a small percentage of people forget to confirm their address so this is my attempt to really catch their eye — the yellow stands out against the greyscale and as a colour it’s often associated with caution or warnings.

Additionally, as you can see above things now neatly tuck under each other when previously they’d just clip over the edge of the page. There’s also now a scrollbar for when the modal gets too tall. Surprisingly time-consuming to implement due to... CSS being CSS. There’s also some special-case code just from Microsoft’s two precious ickle little widdle browsies who cwan’t figwure out when to hwide the scwollbar :( So I just manually force them to!

As you can see bottom just sort of... clips the content. It’d be nice if it faded out more gently. I did implement such a fade out with an arrow pointing down but it involved a lot of extra code due to how the scrollbars work and it didn’t feel good. So after working on it for the better part of a day I ended up scraping it. Pretty frustrating. I guess it’s relatively rare for the scrollbar to be present so I’m leaving it as-is for now.

Asset Store / Talent Database Restrictions

Put briefly, I’ve greyed out some options on the talent database and asset store to make it clear they’re not accessible. I want people to be able to see all the planned options having options that don’t work is bad. It confuses people and if they’re not aware that the site is under development they may judge the site based on this.

The initial version of the site will only have certain types of profiles available, thus you’ll only be able to search for certain types of roles at first.

Current Goal

My main goal at the moment is have a demo of StoryDevs I feel confident about, that stands-alone, and doesn’t need a whole bunch of caveats attached. I haven’t updated the www site for a long time because it works, despite looking far less impressive. It’s not good to direct people to a site that may be flashy but has options that don’t actually work.

So I’m preparing to update the www site and at least replicate its functionality, and also show off some of the new additions. Once I have an updated demo I’ll feel much better about marketing the site as I work. I’m fine with it not being perfect, but there needs to be a nice-looking demo that actually works. Mobile support is also big part of this. The site absolutely cannot be broken on mobile. I’m sick of it being an embarrassment on handheld devices.

Anyway, I suppose that may be an underwhelming goal to some. It’s basically “make the current version of the site... but better”.

300+ Reserved Handles

Uh, yeah! What it says on the tin! There was a decent boost in handle reservations after my VNconf talk that pushed us right over 300. I’m surprised there’s even this many people interested so far but glad nonetheless. So thank you to everyone for the support so far. It’s good to know that there’s other people who want this as much as I do :)

(Oh, and the beta site is...!!! Not updated... sorry. I wanted to let people play around with the new designs even if they don’t fully work but the code is only partially written in places so it’s probably possible to crash the site with certain actions! I just didn’t want to leave the update any longer. So next time I’ll have to have that ready! For now pictures will have to do :( This is another sentence that exists purely to prevent my sad face from being next to the closing parenthesis.)

StoryDevs is a place for developers of visual novels, interactive fiction, and story-oriented games to find each other and collaborate. The site is under development, but handle reservations are open: www.storydevs.com/reserve

Website: www.storydevs.com Twitter: storydevs Email: support@storydevs.com

[shadowbanki]

Character Questionnaire- Reisei

Originally posted on DeviantArt

First, give us a quick run-down of your character. Reveal as much or as little as you want.

Reisei Kokuu (虚空冷静) is 22 years old, male (possibly cisgender, yet up to interpretation), and Japanese. He is a rather minor character in the Whimsica universe but he has his own short story about him and Tamika, Flowery Sky. It’s anout how the two meet, enter a relationship, and grow into adulthood. His last name means “Empty Sky”, alluding to the name of one of his poems about being lonely. His first name translates to “calm”.

Reisei is shy, soft-spoken, sensitive, and intuitive. He writes poetry and has a very serene and delicate heart. His poems are mostly about nature and using imagery to convey emotion. He is very docile and hospitable. He wants to be a doctor.

Reisei’s birthday is September 9. He is 5’9” and 200 pounds, which is overweight. His hair is a dark gray, along with his eyes. He is quite sickly, often succumbing to common ailments due to a weak immune system.

In the Whimsica universe he is a rabbit fauna, meaning he has rabbit DNA which manifests itself as long floppy ears on his head and a puffy round tail. In this magical universe he also has powers that have to do with healing, and his spells are possibly poems.

What is their nose shape? Long? Pointed? Round? Broad? Thin?

Reisei’s nose is basically a very average nose, but a bit on the round side.

If your OC had an account on deviantART what would their username be? What kind of things would they post?

His username would be something like kodoku-na-aozora (Lonely Blue Sky) or shuzuka-na-kanata (Quiet Distance)

And of course, he would post his poetry. Maybe some photography too.

How could your OC be parodied, mocked, or exaggerated? (Example: A character who tends to cry a lot is parodied by being portrayed as more emotional than they really are.)

Reisei would talk in poems. Every time he feels any sort of emotion he would go on a long, flowery, and poetic rant about how he’s feeling. He would also be very expressive, theatrical, fainting a lot and perhaps even literally being the sky.

What genre of story could you most see your character being in? Does this match their current genre?

Honestly I could most easily just see him in a very touching slice-of-life anime. I threw him in a fantasy story to switch things up though.

Does your OC prefer seriousness or comedy?

Reisei is a bit more on the serious side though he does appreciate good comedy.

If they were a genre of music, which would they be?

Very, very calming slow songs of a wide range of genres. Atmospheric music perhaps.

If they were a month, which would they be?

April, a very gentle and mild month where everything begins coming back to life. I could also see him being November, a quieter month that often feels a bit wistful.

What canon characters do they remind you of?

You know, Reisei is one of my rare characters that aren’t inspired by any characters from other media whatsoever. However I would have to say he is a bit like Mio Akiyama from K-ON, who is a lyricist and has a gentle personality. However, Reisei doesn’t have Mio’s strictness and probably wouldn’t punch Ritsu like Mio sometimes does.

Also he’s not a fictional character but. Adam Young. (Owl City)

If they were one of the seven deadly sins, which would they be?

This is strange, but Reisei would be lust. But it’s a different kind of lust. Not sexual. He has many, many different self-indulgent desires. Wanderlust perhaps.

Least favorite color?

Reisei finds beauty in all the colors as they are all part of nature and each can evoke a wide range of different emotion. Red can be of a rose as much as it can be of a gentle sunset.

Any inside jokes or memes related to your character? Are they easy to poke fun at?

Rei is gay and that’s okay. He’s actually bisexual however.

Also, what do you call a RAY that has something to SAY?

Defining characteristics?

He’s a poet who wants to be a doctor. He’s sensitive and soft-spoken. He’s often sick. He’s very sweet and generous. He’s also a bunny fauna.

What does their voice sound like?

It’s quite clear, a bit low and soft-sounding. He has a bit of a stutter.

Imagine that your character had an official character songs CD with two songs on it. List what the titles might be, what they’re about, the genre, and generally what they sound like.

Oh boy, here comes my favorite question. Reisei’s character songs would be his poems. But as songs.

Song 1: 雨空の独白 (Amazora no Dokuhaku) [Rainy Sky Monologue]

Reisei basically talking to himself about how beautiful life is yet how lonely it is when you have nobody to share it all with. It’s somewhat upbeat yet the lyrics are a bit... sad. There’s a piano in it.

Song 2: 幸せの涙 (Shiawase no Namida) [Tears of Happiness]

Song is ambiguously about Tamika. It’s basically about Reisei being thankful that she’s always there for him to the point where he’s moved enough to cry. It’s a bit slower than the first song and sounds a bit sad. It’s really both a sad and happy song. There is a piano. Sounds a bit like Nawatobi from Love Live. One line from it is “I’m very, very happy. So why is it that I’m crying?” Another line compares his feelings to a sunshower, when the sun is out during a light rain, symbolizing happy tears. “It’s strange, yet special, because it’s a time we can see beautiful rainbows.”

What if the funniest thing about your character?

HE’S SO CORNY AND HIS POEMS ARE CHEESY.

What would you say are your character’s strangest or most unique traits?

His handwriting is perfect, it’s like print. He has floppy ears as a rabbit fauna. Very long floppy ears. Also, rabbits and other small rodents seem to be drawn to him. It’s like he radiates peace.

Humorous running gags that apply to them? (Example: A repeated funny thing happens to them.)

Whenever Reisei sees a mime he gets so irrationally angry for no reason.

Character’s voice type? (Soprano, alto, contralto, tenor, baritone, etc.)

He has a tenor voice type, it’s not really that deep. Just like your poems, Reisei.

Okay, that was mean. Sorry. His poems are probably wonderful.

How well are they at drawing?

Average I guess. But his handwriting is godly.

Are they idealistic and dream of a perfect world? Or do they believe that life is meant to be tough? Maybe they’re somewhere in between, perhaps?

Reisei is very much the idealistic, dreamy type. His view is that the world may not be perfect, but we should all be striving for it to be.

Blood type?

O+

Name some TV Tropes that apply.

I’m going to skip this one because I’m lazy and can’t think of anything. Sorry.

What about your OC do you find difficult to write? (Examples: Tastes that don’t match yours, different ways of thinking)

I find it difficult to write his poems because I’m not really a good poet.

How are they different from you? How are they similar to you?

He’s quite similar to me actually. We’re idealistic and wishy-washy and soft and all that.

He’s different from me as he writes poems as I prefer to write stories. My handwriting is terrible. He’s more serious than me and I’m a big goofball.

Choose any random established character. Now, write if your OC would get along with them or not.

Reisei would get along fairly well with Umi Sonoda. They both write poems. Umi is shy, but not as shy as Reisei. Umi is a bit more serious than Reisei. I could see her being protective of him. I could see them writing songs together.

Is your character someone you would like to meet or be friends with?

Sure! He’s a very nice person and has the same views on the world as me. We could have long conversations about nice things, provided he would talk. He’s very shy.

If you were to ever be able to spend an hour with them, what would you do with them within that hour? If it involves asking them something, then what?

I would just. Have that aforementioned long conversation with him. I would also ask him about his life and such. I know my job as a writer is to make that up myself, but... hey....

Would you consider your character emotional? Why or why not?

He is very much emotional. He has all these feelings they he conveys through his writing.

Why did you create this character? What message or story are they supposed to tell?

Reisei is really just... I feel like he’s a part of me. The lonely and yearning part of me.

He’s also meant to prove that men can be soft and sensitive too and that it’s okay for them to be like that.

What inspired the creation of your character? It can be anything.

It was actually a dream that inspired the first few parts of him. I forgot it, but I think I fell asleep listening to https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JcHl1JgIW6A

I first saw him in that dream... an emotional, sickly boy who liked to create things...

On a scale of 1 to 10, how sensitive are they? (1 being lowest, 10 being highest)

I would give this guy a big fat 10. Not only is he sensitive, he’s also intuitive and almost connected with other people’s emotions.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how well do they fit the definition of “cute”?

I’d say 8. He’s pretty cute. He likes cute things. He plays Animal Crossing. His room is “like a girl’s room”. He collects stuffed animals. The ting that keeps him from being a 9 or a 10 is his rather plain appearance, yet I think being plain on the outside fits him.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how funny are they?

I’d give him a 5. He’s... average. He has a sense of humor but he isn’t my funniest character, nor my easiest to poke fun at. Most of his humor relies on his poems being cheesy or his silly clumsiness. Luana pokes fun at his name, calling him stingray. Again, he’s not my funniest character. He has a more serious purpose.

On a scale of 1 to 10, is your character’s life ordinary, or anything but? (1 being ordinary, 10 being outlandish)

He’s one of my rare characters with an actual normal life of some sort. By Whimsica standards maybe. But by other standards, he would be a 5. I would say 5.

Name something unexpected about your character.

Reisei is a top! In bed! He’s a TOP! You thought he was going to be a bottom but no! Reisei is a top!

Also, he likes Pokemon and is somewhat into it competitively. It’s unexpected because he doesn’t strike people as being competitive.

Are they a typical inhabitant of their world, or do they have things that set them apart from being a normal person?

By Whimsica standards he is ordinary. Very ordinary. He’s your random typical normal guy. Faunas are everywhere. It doesn’t matter if he’s part rabbit. There’s also talking rabbits and furries living in Whimsica! (The furries are called Anthromorphs)

Does your character snore?

A little bit! It’s quiet. Tamika says it’s cute.

How much has your character changed since you first created them? Write a scenario where the current one meets the first version.

The very first Reisei that popped in my head was actually a story writer rather than a poem writer. He was going to be just as quiet, but maybe not as sensitive. He was more blunt. He had black hair and blue eyes. He was skinny. He wasn’t a rabbit fauna at the time. He was also a high school student. The current Reisei met Tamika in high school and has a story that takes place in high school, but in the current timeline he is 22 during the main events of Whimsica Saga.

I’m going to skip writing the scenario though, because the change wasn’t that drastic. Also I’m lazy. Heh.

How does your character change or develop the most through the course of their story?

He goes from being very lonely and shy to coming out of his shell a bit and being able to show his true self.

What food can’t your character just not stand?

Reisei hates tomatoes. He thinks they taste like grass.

Does your character have anything else that they can’t stand?

Mimes. Also, the usual stuff like bullies and unfairness.

What are your character’s hands like? Size? Shape? Are they callused or smooth?

His hands are kind of square-shaped, smooth, a little bit hairy. (Just above the knuckles. Yes, some people have hair there.)

What’s the most cliche thing about your character? Do you like them that way, or do you seek to improve them?

Rei is cliche and that’s okay. Rei is cliche and I like him that way.

Silly poem aside, I do think he’s a little bit cliche? But usually it’s a girl character with Reisei’s personality. Reisei is a male. It makes him a little bit different I guess.

But still, I really, really like him this way. He’s pure and has a big heart.

What are misconceptions that are made about your character? This could either be in-universe or IRL people’s first impressions.

In-universe, people usually think he’s boring or don’t know who he is because he never talks.

IRL? Um... maybe the fact that nobody saw it coming that he was a top! Not a bottom!

What would they be if they were an animal?

A dark gray rabbit with big floppy ears.

If your character had a candy made after them, what kind would it be?

Marshmallows shaped like clouds and stars.

Your character is in a band. Would they be a vocalist, guitarist, bassist, drummer, or keyboardist?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

I think he would be the keyboardist.

[trendingnewsb]

5 Stupid Things We Need To Stop Clicking On

We are living through the final gasps of the Information Age. Experts estimate that 62 percent of all information we now receive is deliberately false, and that includes the percentage and experts I made up at the start of this sentence. The sad truth is, most of you will never have the critical thinking or research skills to know what’s real, and that will only make you more sure about the wrong things your stupid ass believes. The good news is that this article isn’t about that shit. The fake news fight is over, and stupid won. No, this article is about the dumb things we all keep falling for — even you, the genius who chose the right political side and religion.

5

Pointlessly Insane Products Are Not That At All

Last year, Tiffany & Co. started selling the Sterling Silver Tin Can, an empty can that costs $1,000. You’ll notice that this is far more than you’d normally pay for soupless garbage. To be clear, this wasn’t some tin can that once held Prince’s final green beans. It’s only a can. As an artistic statement, it was 50 years stale, and as a money-making scheme, it was somewhere between a portable diarrhea box and that same product without a lid. It’s the kind of idea that would make the other Saved By The Bell writers say, “Look, if you’re not ready to come back to work, take more time off to deal with the death of your son.” The point I’m making is that it’s hard not to comment on Tiffany’s silly can, and that’s more appealing to Tiffany & Co. than when we comment on how the people who mined their products all died of slavery.

“Darling, I was part of many souls transcending penetration to transform a utilitarian men’s room into an installment of signature Tiffany oeuvre.” — this Tiffany copywriter explaining to his wife why there are seven colors of pubic hair in his underpants

Read Next

8 Baffling Poop-Themed Toys Kids Are Lining Up To Buy

And it’s not only tin cans and Wu-Tang albums that are marketed in intentionally strange ways. Food advertisers have figured out that they can get more attention by being ridiculous than by being delicious. Remember when KFC used fried chicken as sandwich bread in the Double Down? Or when Chick-Fil-A announced that their fried chicken hated gay people with the Cajun Titty Jiggler? We all made fun of them, but they absolutely did not care. These are people turning pigeon meat and “deported” foreign nationals into nugget shapes. They’ll take any press they can get.

We need to stop doing this. It’s very possible the only conversation any of us had or will ever have about Dr. Pepper came when they released a special version of their soda for men only. We all went on Twitter to say things like, “Forbidding women from tasting Dr. Pepper Ten will only delay the discovery that it’s made from semen, not stop it completely.” We asked questions like, “Why would you make a soda for men only? Are you trying to find the perfect drink to pair with losing custody of your kids?” Or maybe you simply speculated, “Dr. Pepper Ten sounds like the refreshing treat you reach for when defending an accused rapist you haven’t met.”

SORRY LADIES, OUR CREATIVE DIRECTOR IS STILL DEALING WITH SOME CHILDHOOD TRAUMA INVOLVING PENISES.

Products should make the customer happy, not be so deliberately dumb that the customer hears about them during a Jimmy Kimmel monologue. You shouldn’t make every tenth new Oreo out of cat suppository in the desperate hope that cookie influencers tweet about it. And pizza, you especially need to get your shit together.

In 2012, a Pizza Hut employee happened upon the idea of a hot-dog-stuffed crust, quite by accident, when his manager caught him fucking a pizza and demanded an explanation. This marked the last time there would ever be a non-insane pizza invention. Today, pizza marketing is a series of deranged innovations, like a serial killer’s journey toward becoming the Minotaur. For instance, Pizza Hut created “smart” shoes that place an order for you. Aside from getting the elderly to wonder what they’re going to come up with next, what the fuck good do pizza shoes do anyone? If you have a use for ordering Pizza Hut via shoe, your foot is going to fall off from diabetes long before you get to do it a second time.

And did you know that Domino’s spent millions of dollars promoting something called “carryout insurance?” It’s what it sounds like — a financial guarantee that when your sloppy ass drops a pizza, they give you another one. Aside from getting us to mention how dumb that is, what’s the point? Was there a community of fat idiots eating pizza off the ground and demanding their representatives do something? Let’s say it’s just to set your mind at ease. Let’s pretend you’re thinking about ordering Domino’s, but decide against it because you’re always dropping pizza. Will this convince you? Of course not. You’re not even here. You were taken in the night by mad scientists, and now you’re a lump of brain tissue labelled “HISTORY’S SADDEST FUCK.”

“CARRYOUT INSURANCE!? Hey, boss? Yeah, I just found a loophole that gives me unlimited floor pizza. So what I’m saying is you can kiss my ass.“

4

All Things “Of The Year” Are Arbitrary Decisions Made By Small Teams Of Random Assholes

We are living in the darkest of times. Our current sexiest man alive looks like a rectangle who makes its living hustling milk-drinking contests.

“I’m digesting four gallons of Half & Half. Hi, I’m Blake Shelton, your sexiest man alive.”

When People magazine announced hoedown music standout Blake Shelton as the sexiest man alive while Casper Van Dien was still not dead, it hit like a bomb. Every Twitter account and Safeway express lane had a hot take on it. It wasn’t merely controversial; it was a direct challenge to what vaginal lubrication even meant. What will it do to society if passably handsome NASCAR dads are the new standard of sexy? Do we need to stop doing sit-ups? Will there be enough denim?

What will Casper Van Dien do with this boner?

You know what we should have been doing that whole time? Not giving a shit about how handsome Blake Shelton is. Don’t get me wrong, Blake Shelton is alright. His condoms probably don’t expire, and if he was arrested for sodomizing a dairy cow, you’d think “Him?” But let’s not play games. He’s not the sexiest man alive. At best, he’s “Oklahoma’s Hottest Mostly Ham DNA.” But we should remember that this isn’t some great honor decided by measuring the gonad stimulation of test subjects. “Sexiest Man Alive” is picked by four or five editors desperately trying to hang onto print media jobs, and every now and then one of them is smart enough to say, “What if we trolled everyone?” With all respect to Blake Shelton’s fuckability, if you died trying to teach a prosthetic arm how to give a handjob, the People staff would write your name up on the “Sexiest Man Alive MAYBES” board.

It’s important to keep in mind how meaningless these titles are before we get outraged. Before Donald Trump, Time gave its 2006 “Person of the Year” title to You, as in the second-person pronoun. And in 1938 they gave it to Hitler, the Donald Trump of 1938. These are meaningless choices meant to inspire terrible conversations between uninteresting people. Did you think LaTonya from Fayetteville was chosen as Jet ‘s “Beauty of the Week” because of her winning tits and smile? Wake up. It’s because her face tattoo says “Abortion is Bae.” Please, all of us, we have to stop getting outsmarted by the Jet magazines of the world.

3

It’s Not An Event When Fictional Characters Die

In 1992, DC Comics killed Superman — an invincible ventriloquist with laser eyes, frost breath, and chronosphere-bending flight speed — with a rock monster who was pretty good at punching. Despite it being the third time he had died, the country went into mourning and the story was picked up by the actual news. Which was weird, because if the media wanted to cover upsetting Superman stories, where were they when his girlfriend got turned into a pony and fucked his horse?

I think about this every day. Every day.

Why are we so obsessed with fictional deaths? Most of the time, they’re not even real in the make-believe universe in which they happen. Captain America and Batman die around 20 times a year, each in different combinations of fake-outs, resurrections, and universe reboots. If a dead guy’s best friends own a time machine and the Eye of Agamotto, you can probably hold off on making funeral plans. And if your favorite character dies on The Walking Dead, maybe don’t waste an hour watching Chris Hardwick cry until you see the body.

It should help you relax knowing that most fictional deaths are only abusive pranks, but the “real” ones are about as meaningless.

I mean, you knew there wasn’t going to be any more Firefly. This death cost us maybe two wisecracks.

Remember when Han Solo died? He was a 73-year-old laser gun fighter scheduled to get his own movie in three years. His death was both long overdue and completely inconsequential to the amount of Han Solo you will continue to see on your TV. His father-in-law, Darth Vader, was on screen for about 36 minutes before he died in 1983, and since his death, there have been more Anakin Skywalker stories than anyone could ever want. Anakin Skywalker is the Nicolas Cage of outer space. He stopped making good movies three decades ago, yet he’s still everywhere and radiating inexplicable cosmic energy.

If George R. R. Martin went on TV to announce that a meteor hit Westeros between books and everyone in A Song Of Ice And Fire is gone, how is that different from the world you’re living in now? The guy has clearly wanted to focus more on snacks for about four books. You know what’s sadder than seeing Ned Stark get his head chopped off? Watching some fragile-hearted slob go through the stages of grief in a YouTube video afterwards. Parents, if your child is filming themselves weep over a make-believe death, that’s a bigger failure than if your child is filming themselves pee into a tube sock for Patreon supporters. I mean, you can do whatever you want, but when you cry over fake people whom you can still see every day for as long as you want, you’re only sending a message to the people around you that you’re a dramatic piece of shit. But I know something that will cheer you up!

2

Being Special Is Free

That’s right, I said it.

You’re welcome.

It’s pretty easy to sell someone nothing more than the idea that they’re special or important for actual money. For example, somewhere right now, a Todd is looking through a rack of keychains to see if they have one with his name on it. “I hope they have a Todd,” he might announce as he thumbs through dusty garbage. “They do! And it’s spelled right!” So Todd will buy it, a cute reminder of the worst store in the least interesting part of a city he once visited, and it will never occur to him that an Indonesian factory gambled and won that a completely shitty Todd would one day pay money to remind himself of his own name. This next part is way off-topic, but not even the Indonesians could have foreseen that this keychain would one day be used to frame Todd …

… for Toddslaughter.

Back to the point I was trying to make: We are all susceptible to this crap. Coke had its first sales increase in more than a decade when it introduced the idea of adding the customers’ stupid fucking names to their cans and bottles. And the internet has been haunted by ego-stroking personality quizzes and IQ tests since before we used it to pay girls peeing into tube socks. We are so desperate to be told we’re special that we will suspend all disbelief and critical thinking to hear it. You should know that answering a few simple personality questions does not make you the coolest ninja turtle, and you shouldn’t trust the scores of an IQ test that you watched yourself cheat on which also advertises free Slavic women and four new pounds of dick girth.

One of my favorite examples of this, and favorite things in general, is an online community called Intertel — “An International Society of the Intellectually Gifted.” It’s very difficult to get in. You can only join if you score in the top 1 percent of any self-administered intelligence test and mail in a $10 application fee. You may have considered that this in fact checks to see whether you’re stupid enough to mail in a test with a 98 percent score or less and nothing else. If you get accepted, you then pay a $39 annual fee to be a part of a genius club for people who are very specifically not. What do you get? I’m so glad you asked. For the annual fee, you get unlimited pity and the right to post a photo and bio about your unusually gullible self. It has created an avalanche of unearned ego that looks like a late ’90s Casper Van Dien fan page whose webmaster went mysteriously missing.

Image courtesy of the estate of the Casper Van Dien Fan Page & Genius Community webmaster.

OK, no, but seriously, this next image is a real screenshot from the Inertel (An International Society of the Intellectually Gifted) website. This is a real person who really thinks he’s in the 1 percent of intellectual elites, and this is his real profile.

I didn’t doctor this. This is what an actual genius named BigJim369 pays $39 a year to display. Fuck! This world is magic and you get to live in it!

Another business that exploits your love of yourself on a massive, sprawling scale is the pop-up museum industry. The name implies that there are things to do or learn inside them, but they’re more like oversized photo booths than art galleries. For instance, if you take a trip to the zany, world-famous Museum of Ice Cream, you will learn zero to one things about ice cream and eat ice cream worth $45 less than the entry ticket. What you will do is wait in line to take photos of yourself next to what you’d describe in any other context as “nothing of interest.” So to be clear, we are so self-obsessed that it’s now an effective business model to charge us money to take pictures of ourselves so we can promote you online.

You didn’t fool ME, Museum of Ice Cream. But my family loved it. Five stars.

1

Stop Making It Seem Like There Are Nazis

OK, so the world has enough idiot racists to elect Donald Trump president, but not all of those voters were full white supremacists. Some of them were simply too religious to know when someone is lying or too old to change their mind about politics. And yes, a troubling number of them were Nazis. But in a lot of ways, most things are fine and the world isn’t as awful as you think.

You’re welcome again.

Impossibly shitty people, like the Trump supporters who took that Garfield mug personally, seem like they’re everywhere. A lot of that is our fault — the decent people making fun of them. They use us to amplify their voices, like Han Solo (R.I.P.) convincing a hallway of Stormtroopers that he’s way more people than he actually is. Every few minutes, a website publishes a variation on the article “These Miserable Fucks Said Something Racist About A Thing And Got Annihilated By Twitter.” They’re fun and vaguely heroic, but if you read more than one, you’ll start to see that they all share the same content. It’s the same three or four racist tweets quoted in every article, tweeted by the same three or four racists who “attacked” the Star Wars with the Asian girl and “staged boycotts” of the all-lady Ghostbusters. We need to stop treating these three or four people like they’re a threat to anything other than skewing PornHub’s algorithm to favor mother-son incest.

BREAKING NEWS: Local high school’s least-likable prick still making quite a spectacle out his irrelevant awfulness.

Here’s a reassuring fact: A study of Reddit found that 1 percent of communities were responsible for 74 percent of all conflict. We are taking the intentionally ignorant comments of a Kia’s worth of debate club hobbyists and pretending they’re a tidal wave of hate we must stand together against. The “alt-right” movement is 30 boys too cranky to date and too slow to learn Dungeons & Dragons. Their supporters are a toxic group of gamers who will disappear once they turn 17, and their media outlet is a cable network whose entire audience will be dead in two more flu seasons. All these people want is for the other side to get upset, so if we stop writing thinkpieces about the rise of dapper white nationalism and focus more on how liberals hate suicide cults, we can be rid of them almost immediately.

BREAKING NEWS: C-word who only tweets C-wordy antisemitic things DOES!

Ann Coulter is a good example. She’s the skeletal remains of antique intolerance, and she has about as much cultural influence as Corey Feldman’s band, Oral Thrush and the Yeast 2000s. Has she ever done anything other than hiss wrong things at impatient TV personalities or pretend that clinical antisemitism is antisemitic comedy? She only seems like she is a thing because 10,000 of us dunk on the bitch every time she blames her oral thrush on the Jews. Without all of us explaining to each other how wrong she is, Coulter would just be wandering through Home Depot to see if there are any white employees she can ask about the toilet safety rails. And soon she would be hatching spider eggs in her mouth while her parakeet watched her body rot. “Rawk! The Jews are at it again!” it would repeat to her undiscovered corpse. “The Jews are at it again!”

We all seem to get how dumb it is when the news says “teens” are doing a comically apeshit thing like human centipede parties or detergent eating. Why can’t we use those same giant brains to figure out how one Nazi nerd looking for attention isn’t “the Right”? I know it’s tough to resist trolls, but Kim Kardashian owning all the world’s money should have taught you that there is virtue in shutting the fuck up about some things. We need to stay strong not in the battle against the “alt-right,” but in the battle to ignore them. The next time you see another column about how women won’t date conservative men, leave it alone. Let those dickless Nazis keep writing versions of that article into the empty void until they learn evil causes women to dry up. And the next time someone on your Facebook thread defends their Second Amendment rights after a school shooting, don’t validate their child murder fandom with attention. Move your cursor to the left and click on their mother’s profile. Pose as Blake Shelton, win her moist trust, and quietly destroy that child-murderer’s family. Every one of us can shut up and make a difference.

Seanbaby invented being funny on the Internet. You can follow him on Twitter, or play his hit mobile game Calculords.

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