#is it evil enough to promote that response LOL

[ant-alt]

i genuinely don’t get how trans men can be lesbians. trans masc i understand, but trans men are men?? lesbian = non-men loving non-men, transmasc arent men

i asked someone to explain it* by saying “i don’t get it, are you a butch? sorry 😭”

he answered “apology not accepted”, i said i genuinely didnt understand and he said “okay”. like i get that being a he/him lesbian is a thing, but like i don’t get how being a man and a lesbian is possible

does a trans man x cis woman relationship feel queer? i would have thought there would be another label though lol

i get that you don’t have to explain, but you can at least not be cheeky again and again. 😭

like tell me i’m not the only one who thinks thats so fecking cheeky 😭

possibly tumblr isn’t the best place to post this since some people are so obsessed with being pc that they do it in a backwards way and insult people instead of just genuinely what they believe in

*(someone commented rudely saying “explain how are you a man and a lesbian.” basically, he responded saying “like this” and just a video of himself)

[ravenbloodshot]

can you do readings on what different groups think of social media along with their fan bases? id love to chat to them in person about it but i will never be in sniffing distance of them sadly i dont do anything musicy enough. mainly bc i find it interesting how it boost the groups popularity but even their own fans can turn against an idol for stepping out of line even if they didnt do anything remotely wrong. would you be able to start with skz? thank you!

Alright, Let's see what Stray Kidz think...

Social Media

They view social media as a give and take system. The members post pictures, go on live, and just plainly show themselves off and in return the fans buy their albums, buy tickets to their concerts and give them love. Also, the members see it as a tool to feel the love from their fans. To actually read posts/comments from real ppl instead of looking at their fans as just numbers (number of album sales, streaming numbers, etc...)

I feel a humbleness in this energy, so I don't think stray kids take for granted the amount of support they get online. I also think they feel a huge responsibility to show good things to the public and inspire others to do good. (They don't want to promote negativity or anything evil)

The members also wish to inspire change in society through social media. They may think that K-pop is as big as it is due to social media as well, and it's popularity has made the world more open-minded. The group wants that to continue, wants to be the reason K-pop gets more global

Fans

Lol.....Okay. The members view their fans as kind of corny. The type of ppl to always say dad jokes (its the vibes of a clown or jester, like how they're so over the top and dramatic in how they entertain others, trying to be funny that at times you laugh but other times you think it's quite pathetic). I'm not saying they think their fans are clowns , but when it comes to how their fans joke, they think of them how I described it above.

They may think their fans are quite young and childlike. Also, a lot of them need guidance or a self-esteem boost. I don't think the members mind giving their fans advice or reassurance, but they do worry for how much they could actually be of help.

The word dramatic keeps showing up, so that's prevalent in how they feel about fans. I'm seeing some harrassment and lack of personal space. Like when fans crowd idols at airports, but also, it's quite possible that fans touch them inappropriately at concerts and such. (Reminds me of when Jae from Day 6 talked about the physical harrassment he faced by fans. Also, when a TeenTop member talked about being sexually harrassed). Common things idols may have to face, unfortunately.

Teen Top Article:

https://www.ibtimes.com/ex-idol-reveals-how-fans-sexually-harass-male-stars-during-shows-3708600

Jae Day6 article:

https://www.koreaboo.com/news/day6-jae-reveals-one-harsh-realities-behind-idol/

[gumy-shark]

hiii gumy :3 ive been getting into mp100 again and wanna know if u have any good fic recommendations :o

looks into the camera. Boy Do I Ever!! (<- she is going to just promote her mutuals) (recs under the read more bc i talked more than i thought i would lol

FIRST OFF!!! cannot recommend enough. the Spirits and So Forth series (completed) by sarah howlikeagod @eternalgirlscout, which she’s described as “Postcanon adventures centered around Ritsu having a peculiar knack for spirits.” the first fic in the series, Exchange Policy, deals with mob getting food poisoning and accidentally astral projecting out of his body, as well as the chaos that ensues, and the second, Exposure Response, is just. im a little drained from irl right now so im having trouble describing it, but it is a FANTASTIC read and a ton of fun. this series is a bit more lighthearted, and tries (in my opinion succeeds) to keep consistent with the tone of the show itself!

the next rec i have is Where Did You Go? (completed) by wish iamwish @omgiamwish! a little darker in tone, it follows the events of season 1, but with a twist- ritsu is the main character. in this au, mob disappeared shortly after the incident that left both kageyama brothers traumatized in both this fic and canon, and ritsu and reigen have been working together to try and find him ever since. it’s a really fun read, i love wish’s take on ritsu and his powers, and the relationships between every character are just. augh. the RIPPLES man. the things that are different and the ones that stay the same!!!

next up!! i can’t be giving mp100 fic recs without mentioning aubergine (in progress) by august 4ugust4r @4ugust4rt!!! this one’s set several years post canon, with all the cast being college age. in this fic, shou had suddenly disappeared without a word around age 17, only to show back up in ritsu’s (now an overworked college student with severe emotional problems) life (and apartment) with a broken leg and a whole lot of problems of his own. and again im tired so im not really doing it justice right now but its really good trust me. every time a new chapter comes out i shake my fist at the sky and curse augusts name bc he uses his talents for evil (making me feel things)

and i unfortunately do not have the energy to go through the rest of them properly so. lightning round!

there’s nothing here worth dying for, also by sarah! ritsu and teru go on a fun little field trip together. HUGE fan of the teru pov narration

Chaotic Camaraderie by jinx BizarreBlues @bizarre-blues. ok so this is embarrassing bc i haven’t actually had the time to read it yet. BUT THE THING IS!!! jinx is based as hell just in general.

When We Get There by sprout littleseed @little-seed. my guys :)

and a few that are regrettably not by my mutuals but still very good:

Hell And You by Torchiclove. the tags say “Rated T for Teenage Bullshit” and boy does it deliver. fake (?)(its complicated) dating au set a few years post canon. shou and teru are both down bad for a kageyama brother, and decide to date each other to try and get over it. this goes.. predictably poorly, but all’s well that ends well, right?

tomorrow isn’t always another day by suitablyskippy. THE mp100 timeloop fic of all time. put those guys asses in a situation. and then the same situation again bc it’s a time loop.

the past is over and done with and irrelevant now, also by suitablyskippy. teruki hanazawa the character that you are <3

oh and i almost forgot! an interview with suzuki shou by meeeeeeeee <3

[beevean]

addendum to the 'Hector is a misogynist' being a very weird read of his character because i don't really want to put that person on blast or derail the OP lol:

Hector being an out-and-out -ist of any flavour seems odd to me because he himself was shunned and hated by society for some perceived flaw he couldn't help - i think he'd be intelligent and sensitive enough to not want to perpetuate that same kind of mindless hatred, or he wouldn't have defected

you could argue being raised in a vampire's castle that is a hotbed of evil and godlessness might have put some funny ideas in his head, and, yes, the time period certainly doesn't help but if we're going with the idea that 'church bad' and is the sole cause of misogynistic thinking, then would't that same godless environment promote beliefs that's counter to any religious doctrine? isn't that cultish 'we're all equals here' part of the appeal that made Hector stay for so long?

plus, the way Hector displays having gentlemanly manners (apologizing and bowing to Julia before taking his leave) leads me to believe that he was expressly educated against that sort of thinking - maybe only because of his role as a servant, and possibly Lisa being the only woman he'd encounter up until meeting Rosaly, coupled with her role as Lady of the Castle, meaning Hector would have to act respectfully towards her at all times, so it sort of becomes his 'default' state when interacting with any women from that point on

the most misogynistic thing Hector's actually ever done is kill his own mother, but we both know that's because she was physically abusive towards him on whats implied to be a regular basis and not just because she's a woman lmao

like. i'm not trying to be 'my blorbo is more socially aware and morally cOrReCt compared to your blorbo' but this is just. not a facet of his character that exists in any way

Like. First of all, getting over your dead wife that quickly is certainly morally questionable, but it's not what I'd call toxic masculinity. Wikipedia gives this summary:

The concept of toxic masculinity is used in academic and media discussions to refer to those aspects of hegemonic masculinity that are socially destructive, such as misogyny, homophobia, and violent domination. These traits are considered "toxic" due in part to their promotion of violence, including sexual assault and domestic violence. Socialization of boys sometimes also normalizes violence, such as in the saying "boys will be boys" about bullying and aggression.

The topic of male hegemony doesn't belong in the series at all. The absolute worst you can say is that Hector reacted to his pain with violent rage, which is a stereotypically masculine response and yes, could lead to harm. But:

unlike Dracula, who spread his misery through all of Europe and involved innocents, Hector only targeted Isaac, the primary culprit of his loss. Aside from yelling at some people, he never harms anyone who isn't directly involved in his quest.

it's stated in the game itself that that rage was exacerbated by Dracula's Curse, and when Hector realized what was going on, he was horrified, and said textually that "this is not me". It's not the same as a man killing his gf in a fit of passionate rage, because that rage wasn't even his! He was being corrupted by the Curse!

he doesn't even end up killing Isaac directly. Death uses Isaac as a vessel, which kills him, and Hector understands that he can't fully blame Isaac for his evil actions, because both of them were victim of the same Curse and manipulations. Is that toxic to you?

Hector displays unmanly signs of grief as well. He's suicidal, cries when overcome by emotion, and thinks he has to pay for the right to be loved. This is the complete opposite of toxic masculinity, that teaches men that they are entitled to women's love and sexual favors.

fucking Isaac displays more toxic masculinity than Hector. My man killed Hector's new lover out of jealousy. Sure, he also did it out of revenge and to lure him for his plan, but let's be real here: he acts like a dumped boyfriend lmao.

I wouldn't even say that Hector killing his mother was misogynistic. Aside from the fact that he also killed his father, that murder had nothing to do with gender. There is a difference between, for example, a male robber killing a female cashier during a robbing, and a man killing his ex-girlfriend because she broke up with him: only the latter is considered a femicide and an expression of misogyny.

Hector displays a chivalrous attitude towards Rosaly and Julia. He helps the former even when he didn't know how, and is almost impeccably polite towards the latter (he yells at her when he suspects she's Isaac's ally, but when she explains herself he's quick to apologize). If you want to see this as benevolent sexism, be my guest, but it is not, in any stretch of the word, toxic masculinity. It's just, well, politeness and respect.

And no, even assuming that he and Julia do end up together post game, that's not toxic masculinity either. Disrespectful towards Rosaly? Sadly yes. Disrespectful towards Julia if the main reason Hector grew attracted to her was her resemblance with Rosaly? Also sadly yes. But it is not toxic masculinity, it's not about male hegemony, it's not about normalizing male violence.

Anyway, going into headcanon territory: while Dracula isn't certainly jugging Respect Women Juice lmao, he's not an outright sexist (especially not pre-Lisa's death), so he might have taught Hector and Isaac to respect Lisa and by extention the women in the castle (except succubi, no one likes succubi lol). And yes, it could be precisely to fight back the Church-influenced sexism of the time. I can imagine Hector seeing a bit of Lisa into Rosaly too, which might have influenced him to be more respectful than he would have been at that point in time.

i also find the idea of dracula teaching his boys to not be homophobic with the exact same logic hilarious. i mean the logic flows :P

[greenaswildfire]

Actually, I had no dog in this fight, but the more I watched HotD, the more the scriptwriter and his bias to Daenerys 2.0 pushed me towards Team Green.

If HBO recreated the Dance with such bias I don't even wanna know what they intend to do with 10k ships. Or will they have the guts to justify the rhoynish gen*cide promoted by rightful-white-haired-guys for the sake of "giving-biased--bad-nuance to the characters" like they're doing with Team Green?

They're gonna ruin Dorne (again).

In the future I'd like to see these same loyalists irl that now support Rhaenyra, carrying the dornish flag on behalf of Dorne's fight against valyrian/Targaryen imperialism lol I imagine the scriptwriter trying to justify rhoynish extinction, will they pull a Rhaenyra again and go full "if the rhoynars want war, I won't be the one to strike first" mode again? Remember that Rhoynars are the most feminist culture we have in Planetos till now, way more feminist than "TB's feminism" in hotd.

I mean, unless Show team wanna be seen as r*cists because it will imply that the rhoynars were responsible for their own demise and that's a no-no nowadays, huh? Like, iirc, the war started because of valyrian's disrespect for their culture (something with a turtle), then something with valyrian cities next to theirs and as time went by, rhoynars couldn't even profit anymore.

Anyone would see the parallels (white people root of all evil in the world VS non-white rhoynars, not to mention the "omg valyrian savage capitalists!" they're gonna certainly mention at some point), BUUUUUT most people watch the shows are Targaryen loyalists, how they're gonna write the rightful-white-haired-guys as the villains in this story without making their loyalists drop the show?

10k ships is a very VERY dangerous story in these trying times imo and if HBO doesn't pay enough attention in writing...

Oh no, actually, that's the moment when HBO and targaryen simps will go "it's just a show, can't you tell the difference between fiction and reality?" and use the "mirror argument" :)

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

I remember posting something like this on my old blog back when tumblr first started offering the ad free thing and got about the same response lol.

I personally don’t pay for ad free or anything else on tumblr just because it doesn’t entice me enough to pay and because I do give money to a lot of charities and creators already, but there is nothing wrong with giving money to tumblr.

Abstaining is not going to get any of the features you want back. As anon said themselves, tumblr is at the end of the day here to try to make a profit. To do that they can either add paid features or they can host extremely obnoxious ads and make this place look like a fandom wiki.

They chose the less annoying route and also made changes to make the site easier to use for people coming in from Instagram, tiktok, twitter, and so on because those demographics have demonstrated a willingness to pay money on social media. Tumblr has also adopted a playful menace persona, remember the wendys twitter? Yeah, same concept. They want to make people laugh enough that they check the site out.

It’s all very corporate, but it’s not this insidious evil that must be resisted. Yes, we live in a society, a capitalist one at that. Like it or not, tumblr needs money to keep the lights on. They also have made nsft content allowed again. For the most part at least. As long as it’s under the proper content filter, it seems you can indeed go nuts show nuts whatever again. Ads are not going away unless the whole site is lost. Live will likely not go away unless people stop using it entirely, but the people who use it are obviously not people who want it gone so. Good luck there.

And yes, there’s an issue with false flags on queer content and racist weirdos lurking here, but the latter has been an issue for years and believe it or not reporting blogs promoting hate speech does get them removed. If you want more speed in removal of hateful content and sfw content from queer folk getting flags removed, money sure does help with that. Bigger budget, bigger reason to pay attention to what users actually want, and more funds to pay staff to actually check over this stuff faster.

You don’t have to buy the shoelaces, but it’s not a grand moral failure if you do.

Tumblr's debt is a problem of their own creation. The app is buggy, the userbase is flooded with porn bots, nazis roam free, hate speech roams free, trans women have sfw content marked mature, art and posts are stolen for promotion, features are forced down our throats, ads are malicious and often gross or triggering and giving them money will not stop this.

If we give tumblr money they're not going to get rid of Tumblr live or restore the nsfw or remove ads or whatever you think they're going to do, they're going to KEEP DOING THE SAME THING except with more money to blow. Tumblr is a CORPORATION, they can get a government bailout like any other corporate entity can, and while people are throwing money at a dumbass corporation there are people begging to get bills paid and for food and other necessities.

Please open your eyes to the reality of the situation, its not just some guy anymore, David Karp is long gone its a soulless conglomerate now and they do not need our pity

a lot of yall seem to think that i want to like, bake sale save the baseball team. that's not what this is about. i don't think we need to "fix tumblr's debt," i think we need to make the website profitable (and the debt shows it isnt, altho from what i can gather a better word is "deficit" rather than "debt," ie, they are losing that much more money than they take in annually), because as it stands tumblr has no reason whatsoever to want to keep the current user base around. it's trying to attract a different userbase, because yall are PROUD of the fact that tumblr is a failing website and you dont want to pay them. you're loitering inside a store and acting surprised when the store wants you gone. of COURSE they're constantly introducing new features and not listening to what the users want, they don't want you here.

it's not a protest, it's not an attempt to buy good will, it's a simple business transaction: i spend a lot of time here, and i would like to keep spending a lot of time here. so i will buy my shitty internet crab, and tell my fellow loiterers that they can as well if they want. if you dont want to do that, you literally don't have to, but you can't tell me not to.

you people are all like "ohh tumblr isnt your friend dont give it money" but like. yeah. its not my friend. i would like to pay it for a service it provides, instead of expecting it to continue to provide that service out of the goodness of its non-existant heart. i dont think im the one with the parasocial relationship here.

also:

dont tell me to help a poor people. i am a poor people. i am allowed to spend THREE DOLLARS on something i like for myself, and not give literally every single dollar i have to charity and mutual aid. you have NO IDEA how much or if i do for other people, and you won't, because you aren't owed every detail of my life like that. people are allowed to have things they want for no other reason than they want them sometimes.

[songofclarity]

Omg I absolutely agree with your meta about WRH. When I 1st got into the Fandom I used to hate his guts but after I read the novel and watched the donghua I couldn't help but think he was really cool. Something I don't see spoken about often is his competence, not only was his sect the most powerful and richest in his reign but also in the sunshot campaign he was up against the whole cultivation world and they had WWX's demonic cultivation and army of the dead on their side as well as Meng Yao as a spy sneaking them information right from WRH's side and still they couldn't beat him and the war was at stalemate for 3-5 years until WRH was betrayed by Meng Yao whom he trusted and treated like a son and only after they lost WRH's leadership did the Wen sect fall. Also he respects and rewards competence regardless of background and gender etc which makes him look more progressive than most of the cultivation world. I also love how he exudes pure power and self confidence he has that sort of "feline" charisma like how a cat knows 100% and without any doubt that they are the epitome of cathood and that everyone else is beneath them and can never reach their level and also how before you know a cat you think cats are mean tyrannical assholes but then after you get to know them you still believe they are mean tyrannical assholes but also there is far more to them than meets the eye and you can't help but adore them and agree that they are indeed superior and have every right to expect to be worshipped and rule the world. Idk why I went into this cat tangent lol but the point is I believe WRH is very cat-like and maybe that's why I adore him so much because cats are my favorite creatures in the world

Much like a cat, Wen RuoHan sleeps 16 hours a day because an apex predator fears nothing. He wakes up to ask if the Sunshot Campaign is over yet. It's not. He gives a few orders, eats his dinner, throws around a newly gifted catnip toy (he’s quite pleased), and then goes back to sleep near a nice warm fireplace. It's been a long day and he deserves it.

OK, on a serious note, "only after they lost WRH's leadership did the Wen sect fall." 👏👏👏 THANK YOU! The war lasted three years. Wen Chao, Wen ZhuLiu, and Wen Xu all died within days of each other in the first three months. The Qishan Wen Sect is never described as stepping up their game when they realized the Sunshot Campaign was serious. The other sects had Wei WuXian’s demonic cultivation and Meng Yao’s spying.

And STILL the other sects could. not. win.

Jumping back to the top of your ask, it's pretty easy to hate Wen RuoHan at first. The fandom blames him for literally everything even though we see in real time how Wang LingJiao, Wen Chao, and Meng Yao all make their own, terrible choices. The donghua makes Wen RuoHan into a murderous aggressor trying to take over the cultivation world. CQL went with the a more traditional cdrama evil man who doesn't seem to know which way is up.

On a side note, I'm constantly confused when I see people say Wen RuoHan declared the Sunshot Campaign on the other Sects because, like, no? It's literally in the name: the other sects are trying to shoot down the sun! If this was Wen RuoHan's war, it would be more akin to the Scorched Earth Campaign.

So Wen RuoHan being at the head of the Wen Sect with four other great sects trying to take him down and holding steady is such a testament to his competency, you're absolutely right! And at the helm of his competency is his delegation.

Does he delegate to good, responsible people? No, and that’s what gets him into trouble, but I think his delegation is also what makes him popular with his sect and with guest cultivators. He’s powerful and he’s willing to share that power.

What's funny about the Qishan Wen Sect was that it was indeed the most powerful and richest, but Wei WuXian also notes how bad their general cultivators are. That Lan XiChen, Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian, and Jin ZiXuan all ranked in the top four at the archery competition isn't just due to their outstanding skill. It's also because the Wen juniors were just... frankly bad. Wen Ning has stage fright and Wen Chao lacks talent. The Waterborne Abyss was pushed into Gusu territory not as an attack on Gusu, but very likely because the Wen cultivators were not able to destroy it so they just pushed it outside their borders.

So the Wen Sect is really quantity over quality. Yu ZiYuan is a badass lady with a lightning whip and should not have died at Lotus Pier, but Lotus Pier was completely overrun so of course she stood no chance.

And the lack of quality also lies with the guest cultivators. The guest cultivator who threw Nie Dad under the bus, Wang LingJiao, and Meng Yao are all horrible people. Wang LingJiao and Meng Yao are noted for their poor cultivation. Both of them would have been killed before the crucial point if our actual Wen fam, Wen ZhuLiu and Wen RuoHan respectively, did not step in to save them.

Which makes it all the more impressive that Wen RuoHan's leadership held back not just the four sects (perhaps closer to three as the Yunmeng Jiang were recruiting probably rogue cultivators and training a lot from scratch) but also Wei WuXian with his demonic cultivation! Didn't the rumors talk about how Wei WuXian could kill thousands on his own? I don't recall Wei WuXian ever denying it, although at that rate I'd be surprised if there was anyone left to fight after three years, so it’s probably exaggerated lol He’d still be terrifying, however!

Meng Yao's spy work perhaps saved the other four sects from being decimated but his spy work was never enough to give them the upper hand. (Although I have a LOT of thoughts about what that spy work was meant to achieve in general.) Did Wen RuoHan ever know there was a spy? Would it have mattered when it had such little effect??

Wen RuoHan absolutely son-zoned Meng Yao and it's infuriating to me how often Wen RuoHan is treated by fandom as abusing Meng Yao in some capacity. There is no sign that Meng Yao ever suffered in Nightless City. That was always kind of the point of us seeing empathy: Meng Yao was in his stride, he murdered, and he was given a choice and he voted torture.

When we hear about the Fire Palace and how Meng Yao invented all those torture devices, that's Meng Yao being honored for his talent in torture. Wen ZhuLiu changed his name to Wen in order to follow Wen RuoHan and Wen Chao even comments that he can't do anything to punish Wen ZhuLiu because his father thinks Wen ZhuLiu is a rare talent. Talent is protected. Talent is promoted.

Wen RuoHan absolutely rewards talent -- which is, I like to point out, something we only ever see Nie MingJue do when he explains why he promoted Meng Yao. By comparison, Jiang FengMian only praises Wei WuXian, the Gusu Lan bullied Su She out rather than acknowledge he was talented in his own right, and the Jin only ever use their guest cultivators, such as Xue Yang, like tools to be used and thrown away. While Nie MingJue gets closest by raising up Meng Yao, however, he doesn't seek to cultivate Meng Yao's skills and instead sends him on his way when Meng Yao has other goals.

Wen RuoHan not only rewards talent but he also nurtures it. Wen Chao is given opportunities to practice being a leader and organizer. It's said by cultivators later in the novel that Wen RuoHan taught Meng Yao his sword technique--the same technique that Meng Yao likely used to kill him. Note how Nie MingJue observed from the start that Meng Yao's sword skills needed work, but we never see or hear about Meng Yao doing any training with the Nie. So Meng Yao goes from being a terrible swordsman to being good enough to kill Wen RuoHan fast enough that he suffers no backlash.

Although is Wen RuoHan the type of person who would harm someone he had son-zoned? The manhua gave us a gift by showing us the shocked and betrayed look on Wen RuoHan's face and the completely unapologetic look on Meng Yao's.

That isn’t to say that Wen RuoHan, as the enemy, didn’t somehow deserve to be taken down, but it does say a lot that the only way to defeat him was through a personal betrayal. And it says a lot that, with Wen RuoHan ruling over a city-sized cultivation sect that welcomed plenty of outsiders, he never felt like he had to watch his back.

[frecklef0x]

Mass Effect 1: Playthrough Masterpost

At last, I have finished Mass Effect 1!

I have heard some mutuals say they wish they could play it again for the first time, and you kind of can--through me! I’ve been posting little “episodes” of live-tweet-stream-of-consciousness as I play, and now I’ve compiled them into one post to make my life easier.

Anyway, here’s the first one, the rest are under the cut. :)

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode one

My ass looks great in this uniform, first of all

Impaled robo zombies, yikes

Cheap shot, Saren, smh. How will I pass my spectre test now?!

Why does he have robot eyes? Is he like, Geth-Turian? Why? Is he a robo zombie also? Was it the beacon???

Cool beacon nightmares, I'm sure this is fine

This Kaiden guy has implants? ORTEGA?!??!?

"Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor" lol obliterated

The citadel elevators are very realistic, five minutes of tense silence huh

Ya girl got a PROMOTION and a DOPE SQUAD time to catch a TRAITOR

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode two

First things first, gotta go find the blue scientist to join the gang

This galaxy is HUGE! How many of these places will I actually be able to go?!

Only two friends at a time????? D:

Ah, a distress signal, let's see wha--A DESERT CENTIPEDE NOPE ABORT ABORT

Robo aliens? In MY Theronian mining facility? Its more likely than you think

Running over dudes in my Mako is extremely satisfying tbh

*runs over geth troopers* *runs over geth armature* *runs over geth colossus* ... *backs over geth colossus*

Working elevators in the ancient ruins ✔

Oooooooh man hope this nerd is gay

Wrex, a friend of yours? Nope, not a friend, too murdery

"ShAaaAame about the ruins Shep, sOooOo much collatoral damage, SHEP" stfu Council, "ruthless" was in the resume when you promoted us, 10/10 would shoot lasers through archeological digs again

When Kaiden calls us "ma'am" I am, uh, into it

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode three

Time to talk to the gang! Gotta meet the fam proper

Oh dear seems we got a shmee of racism on board, compatriots

Wow Raina, good foot-in-mouth moment with Wrex there huh...sorry about the eventual extinction of your race, lost this round of Pain Olympics

OH SHIT OH SHIT BLUE HOTTIE BIGENDER? THIS IS NOT A DRILL???

“hi I’m Kaiden wanna hear about my last crush ;)” “hi I’m Liara wanna hear about Asari mating rituals? ;)))” damn we really slidin right into the DMs no chill

Garrus: fuck rules and red tape amiright Raina: oh u right ;)

Guess I’ll actually do a mission now LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

Honestly rolling out with Tali and Liara is a mood, squad goals

Raina @ every corporation on Noveria: I would sell you to satan for one(1) corn chip

This reactivation puzzle is some shit

I see some Mistakes were made

We already killing moms at this stage damn BioWare

FUCK FUCK BENEZIA KILLED ME AND I LOST A FUCKTON OF PLAYTIME

THERES LIKE NO AUTOSAVE IN THIS BITCH FUUUUUUUUU

fuck fuck fuck god damn it gotta shoot a bunch of deranged baby bug people again god DAMN IT

Okay we killed Liara’s mom in front of her hope that’s fine

And we let mama bug go free because after talking to Wrex, Raina’s like “this galaxy is a little trigger happy with the genocide, good luck out there bug mama ❤️ be cool please”

I have literally watched the scientist in the hot labs get killed three times now

So far the debreifs with the council have not gone very well

“You let bug mama go?! How many generations until they take over everything???” “My money’s on two :D Place your bets now assholes or stfu :DDD”

Asked Liara if she was okay and she seems pretty Cool With It

I hope to one day return to Noveria and Death Star it into oblivion

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode four

Talked with Tali and this situation with the Geth and the Quarians is giving me an existential crisis

You “inspect” my beautiful ship? You got somethin’ to say about my crew??? Talk shit get hit, bitch I will kill you

Yoooo my old earth gang, yeah what the hell, I’ll help ou—oh nope nvm he’s a xenophobe, you hang him and I’ll shoot his friend in the face, thx for your time

Went to the citadel to finish some assignments, left tasked with twice as many

“dOn’T cUt CoRneRs” fear not dear Kaiden, I have a permit: this piece of paper that says I do what I want

Still with the elevators, I really cannot with this

“You make it all sound so...dangerous...” ;) ;))))))

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode five

Headin’ to Virmire to rendezvous with the Salarian team

A cure for the genophase?!?!?! :D

Oh wait oh no are we for real gonna talk about destroying the cure like Wrex isn’t standing right here omg

SHIT GUYS NO NOT LIKE THIS WREX PLEASE

Phew for a conversation that basically started with guns drawn, it went pretty well... “What Saren has isn’t even a proper cure, he’s just fucking with the Krogans at this point. Are we gonna stand for that? Or are we gonna murder?” “Damn Shep, you right, we gon’ murder”

Okay Ashley, go join the aliens, try not to die

Shadow Team!🎵 tearing through the base 🎶 disabling all the     defenses 🎵 (you gotta sing it to the tune of the Trogdor song)

We free the prisoners!!! :)

We shoot the prisoners??? :(

“Raina? How can you shoot them where they stand?” So it’s more merciful to let them explode? NAH FAM

This scientist is responsible for the mind control stuff? For Benezia? Fine     I’ll let her go but I hope she explodes

We did not learn our lesson concerning beacons I see

Wait if even Saren is worried about his mind control ship does that mean there are larger forces involved here?

Oh. Oh fuck

Ugh Ashley I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU NOT TO DIE

(so we really never found any info about that genophase cure huh? disappointing)

Oh Seren, you dumb dumb. You absolute fool. Clown man.

When Raina slings Kaiden over her shoulder to carry him to the ship—mmmmmmmmwoooow I am very bisexual

Bruh Raina takes every council call and she disconnects pissed off every time

WAIT I literally just hung up with the council, ASHLEY is DEAD, and Kaiden needs a DTR RIGHT NOW?!?!? Boy, NO, READ THE ROOM

This has been a stressful day

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode six

Shepard will avoid her feelings and go to Faros instead

Seeing Ashley’s figure greyed out and her locker inaccessible makes me sad

Wrex and Garrus, let’s go shoot some geth 💪 

A mind controlling planet—of course!

Shep gets all her renegade points shooting capitalists

Saved, uh, about half the colonists

If I have one more bad acid trip I stg

Oh nope here’s another one

Shep needs a nap

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode seven

Ah, the council. Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.

At least Liara is good at pep talks ;)

Joker, you cockblock

Haha DUDE we airborne, you THOUGHT

Now that I am exiled from the Citadel, guess I’ll run some galactic errands:

o   Killed corporate scientists who though we would rescue them lol

o   Destroyed a bunch of geth camps helping Tali on her pilgrimage

o   Disabled a nuke and killed some pirates

o   Shut down some evil Cerberus experiments

o   And illegally traded information!

Okay time to get back on track

So we may or may not be flying to our doom

OH GOD LIARA LOVES ME!!! RAINA, YOU DISASTER, YOU DID IT AAAAAH ❤️❤️❤️

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode eight

You know what I love? Being murdered by geth armatures

All these Ilos ruins be looking the same

Security panel is only kinda helpful

Oh, luckily I know Prothean now!

“CANNOT BE STOPPED” wow very encouraging, thanks

After that super motivating message and disabling security, its time to go down, down to goblin town

Vigil? Oh word?

My girlfriend is GEEKING out

I knew something what wrong with that fucking Citadel

Vigil: information is power. Also Vigil: What does it matter why they do what they do? All that matters is you stop them

“non-essential” personnel die first, huh? GROSS, VIGIL (gotta be honest that hits different in 2020)

Garrus gets it, I knew we liked that guy

Okay, find conduit, save galaxy, break millennium-old genocide cyle, nbd

Ugh Mako you gotta do me dirty one last time I see, I hate this thing

THE CONDUIT STRAIGHT YEETED MAKO

The citadel robot says we’re doomed : )

This shootout is SO fun, seriously

Saren get it toGETHER

Renegade Raina can kill with a conversation apparently, well done then

Concentrate on the Sovereign—why am I gonna save a council that hates my guts, sorry, but I have a JOB to DO that you ACTIVELY HINDERED

Great, zombie husk Saren, just what I needed as I mull over the possible consequences of my galaxy-altering decision

GO JOKER GO

Humanity-only council seems…questionable. Raina didn’t love the council but this sits wrong. Couldn’t we just appoint a more diverse council, including a human?

Anderson seems like a good enough dude, so…we’ll see.

TIME FOR WAR BOYS, GODDAMN WHAT A GAME

[missifeoma]

My Thoughts: Tweet

Give yourself grace and patience as you begin to develop YOUR OWN PLAN of healing after being affected and damaged by someone’s narcissistic behavior.

Sometimes I will see a post/tweet on social media and have my own set of thoughts. I don’t want to make someone’s media about me but ON MY MEDIA, I can! *LOL* So, here are my thoughts but first let me say this: • I’ve been tremendously affected by other’s narcissistic/manipulative behavior • I’m CURRENTLY grieving the end of the longest running unhealthy connection • How I was treated in unhealthy connection was real and I did not ask for it • I do my best to word what I say in a way that makes it clear I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO DIAGNOSE ANYONE AS A NARCISSIST (my focus is that I see the set of behaviors I experience as narcissistic ones and that is ALWAYS what I mean--don’t come on my thing debating with me about my pain or how I express it)

Ok, now that I have gotten that out, reading her tweet produced many thoughts and I am only speaking from my ‘civilian’ experience, I AM NOT AN EXPERT ON ANY MENTAL ILLNESS. I am a person in the process of HEALING from my own traumas and damaging affects of being connected to others’ traumas.

First and foremost, I AGREE WITH BRINGING AWARENESS and ACCESS TO TREATMENT. My response is not to disagree with the tweeter. I like her account and I follow her and will continue to follow her.

When I first sought to educate myself on the narcissistic/manipulative behavior that I became aware I was on the receiving end of for YEARS, ALL THE INFORMATION I ENCOUNTERED FRAMED THEM AS EVIL PEOPLE! I didn’t write all that material, I didn’t make those videos, and people who share their TRUE experiences do not make up those horrible interactions because they have nothing else better to do. What I encountered definitely fed my anger more than any of my other emotions like disappointment, sadness, and doubt about what WAS or WASN’T real. Those of us who have had the misfortune of being connected to such unhealthy and damaging behaviors are generally NOT experts on mental illness or wellness nor versed enough. If we were, wouldn’t we have had boundaries, intuitions and things in place to help protect ourselves? Many of us also aren’t in or from environments that are educated about, discuss, or promote mental health so our FIRST AND ONLY INFORMATION ABOUT NARCISSISM IS OUR EXPERIENCES WITH IT. That is definitely a recipe for not coming from a perspective of “remembering” it is a mental health disorder. MOST OF US DON’T KNOW THAT TO REMEMBER IT. Many people only know what we experienced from people we once trusted, were loyal to, did all we could for, loved, and even had children with.

Let’s begin to land this plane because I can definitely can TALK and I don’t want to talk myself into a bad space. I’m actually in an optimistic space and that’s thanks to my WANTING to see WHO I TRULY AM in order to heal and grow. That’s progress!

I return to the poster’s point about AWARENESS. Once I found out the clinical definition of NARCISSISM, it was my OWN URGE TO EDUCATE MYSELF that helped me begin to realize (and I mean BEGIN as I am still in the early stage...I can still get pissed when I think of what I endured) that NARCISSISTS come from trauma where their behaviors are INFLICTED ON others and those of us on the receiving end come from trauma where our behaviors FIND US CAUGHT UP WITH theirs. “Codependency” is the word I have encountered (not saying that is what I am, will leave that to my therapist I am now discussing this with to diagnose but the behaviors sound VERY CLOSE TO MINE) so that has been a call, FOR ME, to turn to exploring MY BEHAVIORS more and focusing less (just less, not totally bury my head at all) on the narcissists’ behaviors. What about the behaviors of theirs do I need to continue to take in at this point? Between my experiences and information I gotten thus far, I get it. I’m just going to make myself mad if I continue a focus on them which had me overeating for comfort and unmotivated. I started this Tumblr because the anger was building up and I wasn’t handling it well. I needed an outlet to vent in addition to recently telling my therapist this issue was going on with me so that I could get PROFESSIONAL help and get myself out of these residual effects left by the most damaging connections that have ended.

I am gaining awareness but I did have to go and get it all in my own because the world is not serving up mental health information with a bow and cotton candy. It’s ugly out here. There’s a lot of not finding this information out UNTIL dealing with it. There are stereotypes, stigmas, all that. Only an expert can navigate all of that “cleanly”. I AM NOT AN EXPERT (although I would like to be someday). I will make mistakes, judgments and be angry about narcissism as I go because I experienced what I experienced. Period.

If you’re mad about these people like I am, you don’t want to hear any reasoning. I don’t either! But don’t see me as a traitor when I say that at some point, people with narcissistic behavior was someone’s newborn/infant/toddler/child/teenager that experienced things or was denied things that affected them the same way I was someone’s newborn/infant/toddler/child/teenager that experienced things or was denied things that affected me—to the point I spent most of my life being a people pleaser, putting myself last, etc. Hence the poster’s point of not demonizing. In my personal opinion, with where I am now, the people may not be terrible people but the behavior certainly disgusts me. I will do my best to separate the person from the behavior. However, I get to take issue with the BEHAVIOR and no one is allowed to make me feel bad about that. I won’t allow it.

I will NEVER take BLAME for how someone else treated me but I’ve been able to keep the anger from stifling me TOO MUCH from getting to the point of seeing that it was HIGH TIME I evaluate MYSELF so that I can, as an adult, hold myself accountable for the ways I am responsible for protecting MYSELF.

As an adult, NO ONE can protect me like I can protect me and that involves applying new tools. I don’t have this all figured out by a long shot, please do not take anything I am saying like that. But what I do truly believe in this moment (woot woot my self-trust is repairing) is that the most IMMEDIATE tools that need to be applied are: • BOUNDARIES (let’s please stop going through life having NONE) • SELF-LOVE, -WORTH & -TRUST • FORGIVENESS • CONFIDENCE (key to speaking your mind)

Thanks to all of you who hear me (OK I’m getting emotional) and indicate that by interacting with my blog. For the next couple of weeks as I focus on learning more, I will make it a point to see what you are sharing and how you are doing. It’s not easy to talk about this experience because people don’t believe you, you sound obsessed or ridiculous talking about someone you ADORED OUT LOUD for a duration of time...choosing not to suffer in silence even if all I’ll have is my therapist and you all, that’s cool, it’s been a huge benefit so far and I thank you for seeing me.

[panharmonium]

I would like to add Gwaine to the list of friends Merlin had. Especially in the 3/4 seasons he really was ride or die for Merlin, they shared intimate details with each other, they truly trusted each other. There were instances where the show alluded that Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic and is fine with it.

hi there!  i’m assuming this is in response to the post i reblogged about will and lancelot being merlin’s only “real” friends?  

i’m actually happy to write about this, now that the question has been posed - it’s been a while since i wrote anything long about gwaine!

fair warning in advance: i don’t personally classify gwaine the same way i do will and lancelot, and that’s what this piece will cover in more detail, but these are just my own thoughts, and it is totally cool for everybody else to have different opinions.  my take is my take, but it does not have to be everyone’s take - if people wanna scroll past because this isn’t their vibe, i don’t mind in the slightest. :)

so, without further ado - i LOVE gwaine, and i have written extensively about how amazing his relationship with merlin is (some examples here, here, here, and here, if anybody’s looking).  he is the most likely of all merlin’s living friends to ditch arthur in the name of addressing merlin’s needs, which is super important, and he also has a much healthier friendship with merlin than arthur does (in my own personal opinion, of course, which nobody is obligated to share).  he definitely does go ride or die for merlin in S3/S4, i agree.

but my own thoughts on this particular point are still the same as they were in that original post.  i tend to hide my clarifications/explanations in the tags, so they might have flown by, but i’ll just copy/paste the relevant bit here for ease of access, as some background for the rest of this post.

re: will and lancelot were merlin’s only ‘real’ friends:

#what this does not mean: merlin has no other friends!  merlin doesn't have meaningful and important relationships with other people!   #what it does mean:  #every single one of merlin's other relationships is undergirded by the sickening knowledge that those friendships are conditional   #every single one of his other relationships is accompanied by the constant undercurrent of 'they would hate me if they knew'   #merlin knows his friends 'care' about him   #except they don't really; because it's not truly him they're caring about   #they care deeply - about someone merlin made up   #about a facade.   #in the most basic sense   #those relationships aren't Real   #the love merlin feels for the people in them is real   #but you cannot truly be 'friends' with somebody who doesn't even know who you are   #you cannot be loved without being known   #you certainly cannot be loved without being safe

obviously i suppose a person’s thoughts on this would be different if they headcanoned that gwaine knew about merlin’s magic, and that’s fine.  i personally do not believe canon indicates or supports that, but i’m not out to convince people to abandon their own fanon interpretations of things; i’m happy just hanging out in my own space talking about my thoughts.  me writing meta is the virtual equivalent of me talking to myself in my room - if other people have different conversations with themselves, that’s fine :)  i don’t mind if other folks organize their thoughts about things differently.  

in accordance with that - everybody please feel free to continue on with your own interpretations, and ignore mine if mine do not appeal to you!  if people are interested about how i organize my ideas on this, though, they are essentially as follows:

1) a cage fighter, a class traitor, and a fake sorcerer walk into a tavern

ok, to start with - here’s a graph.

(...who tf starts a meta post with ‘here’s a graph’ lol i just drew a venn diagram for the first time since like...middle school...i LOVE fandom, man, this is RIDICULOUS)

anyway

this is a very rough interpretation of how i think about gwaine, lancelot, and will:

to address some of these elements individually:

lancelot and will give merlin something that gwaine can’t - safety, authenticity, the comfort of being known and seen for real, a respite from constantly qualifying every friendship with ‘they would hate me if they knew’

lancelot and gwaine, likewise, give merlin something merlin wouldn’t be as likely to get from will (if will were still alive, i mean) - an understanding of merlin’s devotion to the Crown, a supportive ally in the fight to promote arthur’s reign and keep arthur/camelot safe

will and gwaine, for their part, are more likely to tell arthur to go fuck himself, if it’s important for helping merlin, and that’s a different kind of support that merlin also really needs.

and will, on his own, gives merlin something that neither lancelot NOR gwaine can provide, which is a friend who isn’t connected to or even particularly interested in arthur pendragon (merlin has nobody in his life like this, not after will dies) - somebody who knew and cared about merlin before merlin had any proximity to arthur, before this whole ’destiny’ issue reared its merciless head.

everybody in merlin’s life matters to him and gives him something important.  gwaine is STUPIDLY important to merlin.  the love there is real.  but in canon, because gwaine is not in the know, gwaine is still one of the people from whom merlin feels compelled to hide himself.  gwaine is right up there alongside gwen, arthur, elyan, percival, etc - every other person who merlin loves, who merlin nonetheless constantly, back-of-his-mind fears, ‘they would reject me if they knew.’

the above is part of why i personally have never been too interested in ‘so-and-so knows about merlin’s magic’ canon-imaginings.  there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, and i’m sure people must have tons of fun with them - and in an AU context maybe i would have fun with them too - but as hopeful interpretations of actual canon, they don’t appeal to me.  merlin’s near-total isolation and desperate, constantly-frustrated desire for real, honest love is an inalienable aspect of his character for me, one i can’t separate from who he is and why he does the things he does and why he eventually ends up in the place where we find him towards the end of the show.  

2) i just want someone to see me for who i am

i have seen a bit of sentiment out there along the lines of ‘merlin should have told (x person) about their magic’ or ‘(x person) obviously doesn’t have a problem with sorcerers,’ but i guess i personally don’t think it’s as clear as all that, and i think me saying it is would be doing merlin a disservice.

merlin’s desire to be seen/known/accepted is literally the most base urge he has.  if he truly thought he could tell somebody safely, he would.

i think merlin knows the people in his orbit well enough to know how they feel about sorcery, at least in a general sense.  and even if they aren’t bloodthirsty bigots like uther, they aren’t exactly welcoming magic with open arms, either.  at the most basic, elementary level, merlin understands something that we don’t like to think about: none of his friends ever challenge arthur on the sorcery ban or express any dissatisfaction with the political status quo, and, even absent outright bigotry, this fact speaks loudly enough in and of itself.  merlin’s friends might not be out clamoring for sorcerers’ blood, but they aren’t criticizing a society that criminalizes sorcery, either, and they are never shown to have a problem with the way things are, even though the way things are is wrong.

The Way Things Are is, in fact, unjust.  it’s oppressive.  and allowing that state of affairs to continue, unquestioned and unchallenged, when you have access to the king’s ear and aren’t personally in danger of being persecuted, indicates that you’re okay with the injustice.  that you’re comfortable with the oppression.  that you don’t see a problem with the status quo, and that you're unbothered enough by it to let it be.

it doesn’t matter that merlin’s friends have never straight-up said ‘boy, magic sure is evil’ onscreen.  they never say that camelot’s policies are wrong, and that delivers a clear enough message on its own.

3) it is not a crime to fight for your freedom

to bring this back to gwaine specifically, since that was originally the focus of this ask -

for me, for all that i adore gwaine, and for all that i think he was, for the most part, an INCREDIBLY sound, healthy relationship for merlin, the truth is that gwaine is as much a part of this problem as everyone else.  does that mean i personally think gwaine would have summarily dumped merlin if he’d found out merlin had magic?  no.  but i don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as maybe we wish it might be, and i think merlin has every right to be as uncertain of gwaine on this issue as he does of everyone else.

for one thing, like i said before, even gwaine, who used to have fewer qualms than any of the knights about pushing back on arthur’s BS, has never said a word about camelot’s injustices, or ever acknowledged that the laws of the land are unjust to begin with.  

for another, there are specific moments that kind of make you wonder.

5.05 (’the disir’) is a good example of this - when gwaine finds osgar in the woods, the two of them have this exchange:

you are a sorcerer, a heretic, and a murderer.  

the rhetoric of this sentence frames all three of these things as equivalent entities - criminal ones.  

to pick this apart more carefully:

a) sorcerer

it’s worth noting here that we’re never told osgar has done anything worse than evading arrest for the crime of being a known sorcerer.  when leon mentions him in the council meeting, the conversation consists solely of the following:

“as you know, a few days ago our garrison in the forest of breckfire intercepted the man who goes by the name of osgar.”

“the sorcerer.”

“the same.  they were trying to apprehend him when he used his powers to escape.”

and…that’s it.  osgar’s crime, as far as we know, was simply being a sorcerer (and then, after that, attempting to escape an unjust arrest, thereby killing a knight in the process).  there’s no mention of any other activities that would have warranted his arrest in the first place, other than the possession of magic.

but magic, even on its own, IS a crime in camelot - and gwaine levels the accusation at osgar as such.

b) heretic

that’s a hell of a word to throw around, if you think sorcery is chill.

“heretic” isn’t a mild accusation.  "heretic” has vitriolic severity behind it.  people are accused of heresy when they’re perceived to be in brazen defiance of what is (in the eyes of the accuser) unquestionably right and correct.  “heretic” is like…it’s like blasphemer.  the connotation is not just that something is bad, but that it’s sinful.

for gwaine, either osgar’s association with sorcery and/or his defiance of camelot’s army makes him a heretic.  and that’s not something a person who is down with sorcery or supportive of a magic-user’s struggle for freedom would say.

c) murderer

if gwaine were cool with sorcery, we would expect him to understand that a sorcerer who resisted arrest for the crime of being a sorcerer isn’t a murderer.  

it’s like kara said in 5.11 - it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.

camelot has been killing sorcerers for decades.  osgar mortally wounded a soldier (not an innocent civilian, i might note) who was trying to imprison him.  he was resisting the armed forces of an oppressive state.  that’s not murder.

somebody who understands that camelot is an oppressive regime wouldn’t think of this as murder.  they would understand that it is not a crime to protect your own life when the state has literally been trying to exterminate your people for years.  and even if osgar had been engaged in rebellious activities against the state (which as far as we know is not the case - nothing like this is ever referenced!), they would understand that people with magic have long been overdue for a righteous uprising.  

but gwaine is a little more like arthur, in this moment - he sees the “wrong” that osgar has done (in the form of sir ranulf’s death) without seeing the thousands upon thousands of wrongs that camelot visited upon the magical community first.

4) you can’t go armed into a sacred place

the rest of this episode is similar.  gwaine pays just as little heed to merlin’s warnings as the rest of the knights, when merlin admonishes them that the disir’s cave is sacred.  gwaine doesn’t relinquish his sword or take special care upon entering the cave.  in fact, he is the one who outright interrupts the disir while they’re speaking - as they’re telling arthur a series of hard truths, that he’s persecuted magic-users, “even unto slaughter;” that he’s desecrated their space: “you come here, to the most sacred of the sacred, to the very heart of the Old Religion, with weapons drawn - trampling hallowed relics - treating our sacred space like you do your kingdom - with arrogance - with conceit - with insolence - ”

and gwaine cuts them off, pushing to the front of the group and shouting at them “enough!  you speak of the king!”  and that’s when the fight starts, when mordred gets stabbed.

someone who was fully accepting of magic, or who knew anything about it at all, would not have behaved this way.  they would not have bristled at hearing how arthur’s regime unfairly persecutes the magical community.  they would have known that it was true.

5) i just want to be myself

the above is just one example, but it’s a clear enough one to illustrate what i mean.  gwaine IS an amazing friend to merlin.  he does treat merlin well.  and merlin loves him to death.  but gwaine is NOT totally chill with magic.  i’m not saying he actively hates it, but he is not, from what merlin has witnessed, entirely safe.  merlin loves him, but he can’t be himself around him.

and i do think that pains merlin terribly.  all these people who he loves so much, and every time he’s with them there’s always that whisper: ‘this is a charade.  all the love in my life is a lie.  they only like me because they don’t know me.  if they knew who i really was, this would be over.’  

and we wonder why he never tells anyone.  we tell him he ‘should’ have told gwaine, gwen, morgana, arthur, like it would have been easy, or even possible, for him to ever consider putting himself in a position where he could lose what precarious, partially make-believe connections he has.

merlin, in the later seasons, when he worries about his magic being exposed, isn’t afraid of being executed.  he’s afraid of becoming even more alone than he is now.  and he has good reason to feel that way - even people who appear to put him first aren’t fully on board with the thing that makes him who he is.  and merlin knows this.  he’s seen it.  none of his friends are out fighting for people like him at court.  some of his friends shake their heads and assure arthur “you are a good and just king” when arthur expresses concern that maybe the disir are right, maybe he has indeed transgressed.  some of merlin’s friends used to buck the system in defense of the powerless, but now they defend the regime even when the accusations levelled against it by an oppressed population are true.

merlin knows that revealing himself is a kind of risk that could very plausibly end with him utterly disowned.  every single friendship he has is subject to this justified fear, this bitter knowledge.  merlin has every reason to doubt the soundness of his relationships.

and, circling back to the thing that started all these musings - the only friends who never made him feel that way were will and lancelot.

that’s all i mean when i say that will and lancelot were merlin’s only “real” friends.  i wish there were a better word to use than that, because i really don’t mean it like…as if merlin’s relationships with other people weren’t…valid, or important, or based on true love and care.  they were.  but there’s just not a better way to express that will and lancelot were the only people who ever even knew who they were friends with, who saw merlin for exactly who he was and said “i love you still.”  they were the only ones whose friendship was something merlin didn’t have to be afraid of losing solely for existing.

i always think of morgana’s line in 2.11 - ‘i don’t want to be brave.  i just want to be myself. i don’t want to be alone anymore.’

around everyone else, merlin has to be brave.  he has to keep up the pretense, which means even when he’s surrounded by friends, he’s completely isolated.

with will and lancelot, though, he could be himself.  with will and lancelot, he wasn’t alone.

6) post-script

i really appreciate being given the opportunity to muse to myself about this in more detail - i actually needed to think through some things regarding gwaine anyway, for writing purposes, and this was actually really helpful in organizing my brain.  so thanks, anon, for the prompt!  

i know my answer probably runs counter to your own interpretation of things, but as i said, this is just my own personal outlook.  i typed it up because the message got me thinking, and because i know i have a couple of friends who might find it interesting, but my thoughts apply only to me, and i do not mind at all if folks think about these things differently!  nobody is obligated to agree with anything i write, or give it any further thought, or even read it at all - we’re all going to engage with this story in different ways, so if anybody finds that this isn’t their cup of tea, please feel free to scroll on by, and keep having fun with this show in whatever way makes you happiest! :)

[ao3gingerswag]

okay so I had a lil plot bunny for wander home I thought id share.

so I know that we don't really know how dean turned up at johns, I think you made a passing comment about him being left there but you said you hadn't really thought about it. I was thinking about wander home (as one is wont to do when ignoring any and all other responsibilities) and i had a little thought. so I'm thinking this is way in the future when sam is like 17/18, he's going through all the teenage angst and hes having thoughts about bio family. obviously, dean and cas are very happy at this point but sam for some reason gets it into his head that since he and dean aren't *actually* biologically related, their relationship means less and he starts obsessing over deans actual family and whether they could give him things sam couldn't (I think this would tie into a lot of guilt im sure sam has about his inaction during their childhood at johns even tho he was a literal child) and it's this whole guilt thing of whether or not dean has a better sam out there and how sam used him and all such guilt. so anyways, 17/18 sam is I imagine still doing his lessons with the pastor, perhaps he's been promoted to apprentice or whatever, and he decides to use his almost adulthood to try and track down deans bio family. I think he does this to get answers, solving the mystery of deans past (bc deans been with him entire life) but also to prove to himself whether he is actually keeping dean from a better life (o the teen angst) and maybe reunite them. so adventure commences, I imagine him searching through any records he can get his hands on (not many) and maybe lying to cas and dean and saying he's been send on an errand by the pastor and he goes back to John's inn to search for information. anyways after that all happens idk if it would be better for him to find out the truth or not, I can picture multiple endings that would work out differently which I can also add on later if you want but the ending point would be sam realising that dean IS his brother and they ARE enough and 'family don't end in blood' and all that jazz and he returns to the inn and maybe he tells them maybe he doesn't but either way he comes back a lot happier and dean and cas are like 🤨🤨 but they're happy he's seemed to come out of his funk and welcome him back with open arms and make a fuss out of him and sams like :]]]]

ohhhh noooooo this is wonderful!!!!!!! poor sammy :( having all the survivors guilt come back and blaming himself for things that were SO totally out of his control (sam: i didn’t lift a finger to help him ;~; ! dean cas bobby eileen pastor murphy literally everyone else they know: you were literally like 7 what the fuck were u supposed to do???) (also he DID lift a finger to help he always tried to help and risked his dad’s wrath for it, from the time he was like 3 years old ;~;)

anyway anyway. Sam goes Searching, maybe he has to confront john again to get the answers he wants (if john is even still alive idk. regardless i dont think he’d have his inn anymore lol not w/o dean and sam to do all the work. hes probably in debtors prison or whatever.) and yeah theres def no record of what happened to get dean into john’s hands. i think i mentioned in the outside that dean has a vague memory of being pulled away from his parents while crying ;~; but yeah they sold him to john. but like its the middle ages it wasnt like formal there was no paperwork. there is no record. but! maybe sam finds out where john is through the records he can access thru pastor murphy. maybe like he sees that john had been arrested and is in some prison, so he knows where to find him. maybe they only let him in because he can be like Look I’m Important I Work With Pastor Murphy or whatever. so they let him in ans he confronts john and gets to cathartically shout at him/punch him in the face/force him to tell him where he got dean and everything he knows about dean’s parents.

so he uses this information and finally tracks down dean’s parents. and! they suck! like theyre not EVIL per say. not like john. but they still sold dean to a creep who didnt make an effort to hide how he was gonna treat dean. and theyre...really not remorseful when sam is like hey i know ur long lost kid. the dude u sold him to turned him into a child prostitute. and theyre like well thats not OUR fault! like theyre really defensive and pissy and dont have any interest in meeting dean or even hearing about him. they just want to be left to their lives.

so for a while sam is super devestated about this. i think he kind of built up this whole thing in his head where he would find dean’s family and they’d be wonderful and better than sam and sam would reunite them, thus finally making dean permanently happy and making up for the imagined guilt he carries around bc of their childhoods.

(maybe this whole thing started bc while dean has generally become very happy with his life hes still fucked up, maybe he got into a depressive funk and had like a panicked breakdown like he hadn’t in years, and sam was like whoa. this is my fault and dean still isnt actually happy i guess. maybe if i can find his Perfect Other Family he’ll be happy)

so sam makes his way home all :( sad and depressed and feeling like he failed. and then! when he gets home! he comes in and he sees :) dean being happy :) (dean and cas weren’t worried about sam being gone bc they knew he was traveling, tho they didnt know the real reason). and dean is like smiling and laughing while baking bread with cas and sam is like.... :o and then dean sees sam! and hes like :DDDDD SAMMY YOU’RE BACK!!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! and he runs over and gives sam a big hug and lifts him into the air even tho sam is giant at this point. and sam is like. oh. OH. he has a good family already. cas is his family. and i am his family. and we do make him happy. even if his parents were good he wouldnt want to go live with them or whatever bc he already has a happy family and home here <3 ;~; ;~; ;~;

and he doesnt tell dean where he really was or what he was doing or about his biological family bc it literally doesnt matter at all <3 <3 <3 ;~; <3 :)

[comradeharrison]

I don't think it is fair to say there was no good to come out of George's interest in India outside his own image getting a boost. I've seen many Indian people say that it meant a lot to them and there are Westerners who fell in love with classical Indian music bc of it. It also wasn't a net positive for him past 71. In 74 he arranged the Music Festival From India with Ravi which he wasn't part of & when he toured w/ them in the US he got criticized for not being enough of a rock act. 1/2

George also put money from the Material World Foundation towards causes in India such as saving children from sex trafficking, and I remember Olivia creating a scholarship for Indian (as well as Mexican) students in the US. I get your overall point and think it's a compelling one. But I think George's interest was deeper than you give him credit for. A lot of people don't know the extent he worked with Ravi to promote Indian music. I agree though he should've extended his scope beyond him. 2/2

Hey Anon!

I didn't say no good came off it, I said "it did us more harm than good". And that is my personal opinion, I can't speak for every Indian person out there who might think differently. Like I said before, when I say cultural appropriation I am looking at it from a very broad lens, it isn't appropriation in the sense of what, say, the Kardashians do with Black culture. This is something I feel very conflicted about actually, because as far as the music was concerned George gave credit where it's due and made an sincere effort to get Indian musicians recognised. If he had stopped at the music it would have been fine. But he had to extend his interest to Hinduism and Indian culture in general and chose to present that interest as part of his image and like I said the image was a false one, and that saturated presentation of a entire country and culture had far reaching consequences, most of which was bad. Is it really fair to hold George responsible for the the long term consequences of his actions which were out of his control? I don't know, I don't really have an answer there. But I think it would have been better for us if he had left us alone. Because, at the end of the day, what good is a little charity money other than making him and his wife feel better for continuing to profit off a culture they have no connection to?

I don't doubt that George's interest was deep, but at the end of the day the purpose it served was to make a white boy look more interesting to himself and others. [I realise that this is a cruel comment to make but it is true - if you look at it from a us vs them, East vs. West angle atleast. I usually try to avoid that as it takes out all nuance, but it is impossible to avoid if you look at the broader historical context. As much as I would like to I cannot take race and national identity out of this situation - George is a British White man who profited of the culture of a country whose entire economy was collapsed and cultural identity appropriated for the the benefit of British colonizers. What George did with his interest in India isn't that different from what colonizers did - he only engaged with what interested him, but without acknowledging that his knowledge was superficial and partial, chose to present his partial, and frankly false picture as the the true one. I am not saying George did this conciously (not calling George an evil colonizer lol) but like I said this is the fact of the situation if you look at the 20th century from global context, and this is the what I called appropriation.]

George being criticised as not being enough of a rock act - I mean, c'mon. George was conciously, deliberately, never a traditional rock act per se. Post ATMP he turned his sound to Country/Southern Rock or whatever that scene is called that Bob Dylan/CCR/Fairport Convention were doing at that time. (you can hear that in ATMP too but the psychedelia and Beatle influences are more obvious there). And lbr, he was being criticised for whatever he did at that time; honestly, all the Beatles were: they were trying to live up to an impossible legacy of the Beatles and their debut albums (which got the attention it did precisely because they were debut albums, and the press got more cruel as public interest wore off and they stopped charting and selling the numbers they previously did). There are a lot of factors in the generally negative critical reception of the Beatles' solo work in the early 70s, and I don't think it is fair to blame Ravi Shankar for any of it.

As per the Ravi Shankar comment, I didn't mean he should have extended his scope for his music or whatever, I meant that he should have read some books and done some research before promoting the chanting of Hare Krishna as the be-and-end-all of Hinduism and presenting Hinduism itself as some peaceful and mystical religion to the Western media which had very far reaching consequences, much more than people are willing to admit.

Although, I have to say, one of the really good things that came off George's association with India/the subcontinent was the Concert for Bangladesh. More than the money it really helped generate international support for Bangladesh which was a significant factor in Bangladesh's Liberation War. And that was such a brave thing to do at that time considering Pakistan was being supported by America. The present day equivalent would probably be a concert in support of Palestine, can you imagine. Who's got the balls these days.

[randomidiocyncrazies]

because i’m incapable of shutting up about post empyre kree-skrull royal court, i’d really like to see the Kaplan-Altmans’ interactions with the court, both separately and together:

Teddy

so proud of my boy Teddy! he’s a good leader, and the defining characteristic of his reign is his kindness, which is Very Different from kree/skrull culture. as evil grandma says there will be those who see his mercy as a weakness, and there are veterans on both sides of the war who can’t accept the new status quo of a unified kree-skrull empire—a deeper look at how to deal with people who refuse to consider anything but bloodshed without losing your own kindness would be interesting to tackle (esp when there are more people who reject the unification/pacifist rule than initially expected)

I also don’t think Teddy actually wants to rule an empire; he’s clearly comfortable with being a leader now and is willing to step up to the plate, but empires by definition have specific connotations. it’d be kinda rad if Teddy doesn’t just aim for a merciful reign, but seeks to change the structure of the empire itself, eg. introduce concepts like democracy or other systems of governance. Teddy tackling the question of whether leading is necessarily the same as ruling, and navigating the similarities/differences between them is MY JAM

also... i love Teddy and he’s clearly competent at his job so far, but he didn't grow up learning statecraft. i know comics love Huge Cosmic Events but honestly? intergalactic diplomatic dinners are just as high-stakes—what’s the point of making characters royalty if they’re not drawn into political intrigue????? 

Billy

there's a lot of potential for Mur-G'nn & Billy interactions imo—Billy’s been appointed as Court Mage at the royal wedding, which was her job on the flagship. in Lords of Empyre #1 her assessment of Billy in front of the court suggests that her main concern isn’t Billy’s human heritage, or even Teddy’s devotion to the alliance being divided, but because "this man is a chaos-bringer. He threatens destiny itself.” on the other hand, she seems a bit more apologetic about separating Billy from Teddy than the other detractors, and sends Carol and Johnny to Billy for help when fake!Teddy orders their exile

given the factors above i’d like it if Billy and Mur-G’nn get along well, but disagree on the concept of destiny and its role in Teddy’s reign. it’d also be great if neither are presented as being foolish, but have ways of looking at the world and certain beliefs due to their upbringing and personal experiences. (Mur-G’nn and her cohorts being hunted to near extinction, with the Dorrek Supreme prophecy giving their lives meaning and hope, makes sense for why she thinks destiny is sacred and must be protected. Billy, bullied viciously as a teenager because he can’t/is unwilling to hide who he is, plus his op powerset and upbringing, naturally has different ideas about destiny.)

... add the myriad kree/skrull perspectives on spirituality, religion and belief (pssst marvel bring Xavin back!) and you have a hook for understanding the people of the combined empire better imo. again, making it Billy vs everyone else is super boring, so a spectrum is appreciated.

also? just imagine space politicians trying to schmooze with William “it’s other people who have a problem with me” Kaplan-Altman—he’s polite enough but they soon realize he has a stubborn streak

Together

I’ll k*ll marvel with my bare hands if they get broken up

that said, i think adjusting to their new circumstances could be really quite compelling? like, on earth Billy’s the "more important one” in the sense that he gets more missions with other heroes, and a lot of Young Avenger plots are connected to him/his powers, but Teddy is now KING of SPACE. on earth the’re relatively independent heroes, but at court their titles comes with certain specific responsibilities and expectations. their relationship is going to be everybody’s business now, so there’s probably some culture shock all around until they get used to it. 

it’s all politics, even when it doesn’t look like it—again, neither of Billy or Teddy grew up learning statecraft, they’re getting by with natural charisma right now. their advisors probably wanna cry

Others

I’d actually really like to see Kl’rt trying (and knowing marvel probably failing) to serve as a diplomat. just trying REALLY HARD to promote peace when instincts tell him to settle the matter by violence, doing his best to atone for all the innocent lives he had cut short, processing the notion of duty and service to his nation/the crown and the nuances involved. honestly i think having him struggle between his past training and his new determination to not disappoint Teddy’s expectations could be really compelling—furthermore if they take the time to examine his loyalty to Teddy: how much of it is motivated by patriotism and belief in Teddy’s reign, how much of it is personal guilt?

It’d also be rad as heck if the family from Meet the Skrulls and Road to Empyre are featured in a small plot or two—it’s an opportunity to see how Teddy’s policies affect Kree/Skrulls on earth! After all, now will the agents on earth react to long-term peace?

I’d also LOVE IT if Xavin comes back, even just briefly. like... they believed in Teddy even when Teddy didn’t want to face his responsibilities (”To not believe in you, the savior, the uniter, is to not believe in hope.”). them being inactive for so damn long means they’ll have to process the kree-skrull unification, and how it’s probably different than what they had expected initially when it’s said Teddy will unite the skrulls—i don’t think Xavin ever thought a kree-skrull alliance is possible growing up, so that could be interesting. also? i just miss them lol

[neocityfics]

2096: Zodiac

Chapter: Chapter 1 < ❝  Chapter 2 ❞  > Chapter 3

➥ Chapter List

Genre: Cyberpunk inspired, mafia, not-so dystopian, angst, slow-burn

Pairing: Doctor! Taeyong x Reader (featuring Jaehyun)

Warnings: Moderate cursing, mention of guns, mention of blood, alcohol

Note: I’m making Taeyong blonde in this story, I know on the story cover (?) he has hot pink hair, but I just needed a scientist-looking photo to match the doctor theme. So just ignore it lol ✌🏼

▶ Ambience

My face blanks at his question while his eyes bore into mine. To be frank, I’d been to a handful of parties in college, but they always played terrible music and the stench of booze mixed with sweat filled the musty frat house. It’s a dizzying smell and always leaves me nauseous, though sometimes it’s tolerable, rarely enjoyable, if I’m not so sober. However, I’d never gone out clubbing. Honestly speaking, the concept is a bit enticing. Letting loose your stresses and enjoying even a few hours of being yourself without judgment sounds like something I’ve been needing since I started working two jobs. Not to mention most clubs have professional DJ’s, not some random second year frat brother whose only personality trait is playing his today’s hip-hop playlist on a singular loudspeaker. In response to Taeyong’s question, I shake my head with confusion written all over my face. Without another moment, I ask him why he inquired. I expected him to demand that I throw myself into a gunfight or some other dangerous scenario in the darkest spots of town-- definitely not where the bass shakes the whole building as people jump up and down for hours on end. His approach is interesting. I say nothing, however, as words couldn’t seem to come out of my mouth at the moment. Taeyong speaks up again.

“Whatever your answer is, I have a mission for you,” he begins.”There’s a guy at the club several blocks south from here who I need parts from. It’s for the rest of Lucas’s arm,” he explains, sparing a glance at his job on Lucas. “His name is Johnny, the owner and main DJ of the place called Club Zone. Ask any of the bartenders for a Zodiac special. They’ll direct you to Johnny, and you’ll get information on when those parts will be delivered to the clinic, who he’s sending to do the job, and when the next big rave is. Just for fun.” Pushing himself off his chair, he eyes Lucas again who’s been watching him carefully. Taeyong pats the front of his pants, dust flies off and disappears into the air. “I’m not done with Lucas, not until I replace all of his limbs.”

Cruel. Those words immediately send me into disgust and fury, but I couldn’t lose my cool in front of Taeyong, not when he has a fucking gun and could pull it back out any second. My stomach feels queasy and knees weak from imagining how lifeless-looking Lucas would be if and when he completely turns into a cyborg. Hopefully, I can find a way to dig him out of this mess. For now, I try to keep my composure, a bit of surprise that my voice didn’t come out cracking and soft, “I’ll accept your mission, but on the condition that you tell me what exactly you’re planning to do with Lucas.” In response to my request, he nods, taking painfully slow steps towards me. I hold my ground, but couldn’t stop a little jump as he grabs my chin and tilts my head to the side. I lock eyes with Lucas as he appears ready to knock the lights out of Taeyong but stands there, only waiting to see what’s next. Taeyong’s warm breath grazes my ear as a hearty laugh breaks from his lips. The blood in my body seems to be rushing faster and faster as every heartbeat becomes louder in my head.

“Sure, sure. I’ll fulfill that condition right now.” He forces my face to turn the other side, the pressure of his thumb against my jawline sure to bruise some skin. “Though maybe you and robot boy over there could use a bit of a cool down. I know this is a lot to take in. Care for tea?”

▶ Ambience

There’s definitely a bruise on my jaw where he felt the need to press so hard on, my fingers poking at the spot. Taeyong boils tea and pours it into three cups from the kitchenette. He distributes them to Lucas and me, keeping one for himself. Taking a seat on the sofa across from us who share a couch, he seems to note our suspicion from our faces. This man dared to hurt me in front of my best friend, and he expects us to keep calm and drink the tea? Who knows what it’s laced with. He shakes his head, blows across the surface of the tea, and sips away. A minute passes without the other two of us moving a muscle, patiently waiting to see if something is up with the beverage. But nothing happens, and Lucas goes in. Of course, it seems Taeyong really needs Lucas for whatever reason, so it wouldn’t make sense to poison or kill him. Giving up and feeling safer seeing Lucas take it in, I hesitantly drink from my cup. The soreness becomes more apparent as I move my jaw to adjust my lips on the cup of tea. Not bad. Taeyong takes to an explanation, causing me to shift my attention from the tea back to him.

“You’re aware of the corrupt so-called government, right? We just call them the top. All those dirty leaders, bunch of nasty fuckers with no empathy.” The urge to call out the hypocrisy heightened with how he treated Lucas and me, but my mouth remains focused on the tea, ears on his words. His tone becomes stern as he continues, “There are twelve megacities, right? Every single one of them controlled by a few higher ups. Though broken up, they’re powerful as a unit and will not hesitate to team up. They’ll kick us when we’re already down.” I find it strange how he keeps using ‘us’ as if he’s one of the unfortunate people like Lucas and I who have little to nothing. I doubt he has any taste for the hopelessness that I’ve felt these past two years. Not with all the nice luxuries I see in his apartment. But again, it’s best to keep listening and not aggravate him. “But in all of those megacities, they’re not aware that there’s a collective of us distributed as gangs to keep control and gather information to overthrow the top.” Taeyong finishes off his tea, maybe a bit too fast as he coughs a bit into his elbow, and sets the cup onto the coffee table separating us. I try to cut in with a question, but he elaborates further. “I’m the one leading Neostone’s collective. You’re wondering why your good friend here is part of my work, yes? Short answer is this.” Those same dark eyes drilling a hole through me. He leans forward from his seat, clasping hands and resting his elbows on his knees. “Lucas is a prototype, basically an experiment, as part of the plan to take down the top. He’s the perfect build, very healthy. It makes things easier to work with. Lucas took my offer of a good amount of money and promotion at the clinic once this is complete.”

My jaw clenches. At this point, the screams are threatening to spill. Lucas agreed to follow through this procedure... for money and promotion? I can’t blame him. These times have been very tough on us with little money, surviving on scraps. Getting enough to pay rent every month is like walking through hell and back just to find out you’ll be close to starving for the next week. He’s even been given the opportunity to carry out practice-- as a doctor? A nurse? Lucas wasn’t able to finish his studies, so this would be a dream come true for him. But everything about this is inhumane. Taeyong doesn’t seem to have evil intentions based on his coup d'état agenda which I can somewhat get behind, but in the process, Lucas gets hurt. I raise my voice after a minute of taking things in, “So, about my mission. When do you want this done?” It’s a Saturday night which means places like bars and clubs will be fill up quickly and get rowdy. It’s currently 10:00pm.

“Club Zone really starts to become crowded at 11:00pm. At the latest, be back by 3:00am since Johnny shuts things down at 2:00am.” Taeyong circles a finger around the rim of the teacup. “Be aware of others at that place. I’ve heard horror stories from Johnny, though he tries his best to keep things calm. If I don’t hear back from you...” Lucas gulps when Taeyong stands. Though Lucas is way taller than him, Taeyong’s presence towering over us is no joke. “Lucas loses his job and can’t ever work in the clinic. That’ll be on you, sweetheart.” One corner of his lips lifts as he breathes out a soft, yet daunting laugh. He’s enjoying this, and I detest him for it. I need to talk to Lucas.

“May Lucas and I be excused for a minute? I just need to calm down, and I can’t do that with you right there.” My expression sours, and Taeyong waves us off as he leaves towards one of the rooms. Lucas and I are left alone on the couch. Silence, then a sniffle. At the sorrowful sound, I swivel my head to Lucas whose head hangs low. “Lucas. You should’ve told me all of this. Why did you take the offer when you’re only going to become... not human? We’re doing fine with money, I can take another shift and--”

He slams a fist on the table in front of us, another overwhelming silence ensues. The slight crack in his voice hurts. “Do you think there’s been a day I don’t worry about the costs of everything? Do you think I enjoy being at that damn clinic just to end up cleaning towels and disinfecting instead of applying everything I learned in college? Do you think I tolerate seeing you overwork yourself with two jobs so you can pay for yourself and a bit for me? Fuck you.” The tears in our eyes pour over the rim, hot like the tea we just had. The pain in his words struck me. I never realized he felt this way. I guess I saw him as someone who’s only happy and goofy all the time without seeing what’s truly bothering him inside. He may look and sound strong, but what he’s saying right now breaks the image that my mind latched onto. Lucas removes his hand from the table, a bit of a purplish hue forming from the contact with the hard surface. “I’m doing this not only for myself, but for you, too. You are the only one that’s given me purpose in this fucking dump of a life, and now Taeyong is allowing me a chance at what I love best and to get us out of being dirt poor. Can’t you see that? I know you care for me, but please don’t police my decisions.” He sighs and extends his arm over my upper back, pulling me into a side hug. “I can’t express how sorry I am for dragging you into this. But now that you’re here and on board, I swear to protect you. From everyone. From Taeyong.”

I don’t know what to say other than muttering sorry a hundred times as the crocodile tears soak small parts of my clothes. I wipe away the drops from eyes as soon as I hear a door click. Taeyong comes back into view, seeing the pathetic disarray that was a sobbing session. “Done? It’s 10:30pm now, better get going before you can’t push through the horde. Club Zone is popular.” This bitch, how much more insensitive can he get? Once the remaining wetness of my face becomes dry, I stand up, grabbing my things without saying anything. Taeyong’s getting on my last nerves, and I may snap if I try anything to get back at him, verbally or physically. The only thing that I can do right now is to find out the information, give it to him, and leave for home with Lucas. Do my job and go home. The two watch me leave the apartment, disappearing into the hallway with a slam of the door.

▶ Ambience, NCT Playlist for the club

So this is Club Zone. The mixture of bright purple and pink neon lights accompanied by dizzying bass make my head hurt a bit. I arrived at 10:55pm with the long line already forming. Though I feel out of place, I fall in and peer towards the front. The bouncer doesn’t seem to have any sort of list. Looks like they just let anyone in. After about fifteen minutes, I get in. Taeyong’s right-- this place is getting quite packed, people already seemingly drunk, probably from pre-game. The bass gets louder, banging against my ears, as I make my way to the bar where less people were hanging out. Everyone else is already swaying and spinning to the deafening beats. It’s hard to see anyone with how dim the club’s lights were. I seat myself at the counter on a high chair, raising a hand and giving a smile to the nearest bartender who thankfully attends to me right away. Upon asking for my request, I answer, “Zodiac special, please.” The bartender stands still for a second, examining me, then nodding and fixing a drink right away. Taeyong didn’t specify in his directions whether the bartender would immediately tell me where this Johnny person is, so I sit and wait for anything to happen. I receive the drink which is rather pretty with a light blue liquid and glowing green swirls. The bartender then slides what seems like a receipt next to my drink. They tell me not to worry and that the drink’s safe to have. Damn, no alcohol. Not sure if I’m pleased with the fact it’s non-alcoholic, but it isn’t important right now. Upon further inspection, I find a scribbled note on the back, “Tonight’s a packed night, please wait until midnight at the bar. I’ll come find you and take you to the back once I switch with another DJ.” I assume this is Johnny’s instructions which I sigh to. Shoving the piece of paper into my pocket, I check the time on my phone. It’s 11:20pm now.

Another tall figure takes a seat besides me despite the other empty seats farther away. I do my best not to make any sort of eye contact as I really don’t want trouble on my first mission. My eyes are set on doing the bare minimum and leaving as soon as it’s done. I almost choke on a sip of the drink as the person startles me with a deep voice, “What drink is that? Looks cool.” I regain a steady breath and turn to face whoever this is and... oh shit. In the little light provided by the overhead beams on the ceiling, I make out a rather handsome visage topped with fluffy, wavy dark hair. Maybe this mission will be alright. “Hello?” He tilts his head to fit onto his palm, elbow resting the table. Fuck, was I staring?

“Oh, sorry! It’s, well,” I stop for a second, realizing this drink is probably exclusive to gang members, so if he asked for one also... that may cause complications. “I just told the bartender to surprise me, to be honest.” I hope that lie is convincing enough, and it appears so as he laughs. He waves and asks for a glass of Manhattan from a bartender who seems to tense up at his presence. I continue just to enjoy the cold drink, which is the perfect amount of sweet and sour. This’ll make up for being in this stuffy space.

“Jaehyun, by the way.” I lift a brow, only slightly facing Jaehyun while my glass is attached to my lips. “I haven’t seen you before, is this your first time? Club Zone’s pretty cool compared to all the other clubs in downtown.” I nod, taking a big gulp of the drink and setting it down. Why not pass time doing something other than sitting around while I wait for Johnny?

I go along with the conversation, “You can call me [Y/N]. This is my first time here, I needed a break from work and such. Jaehyun’s a cool name.” He lets out a lively laugh and takes a few sips of his drink, and much to my dismay, the pace of my heartbeat quickens. I’m not here to flirt, but maybe just a little won’t hurt, right? And I won’t let it get too far. Besides, this Zodiac special is safe. However, this Jaehyun person pushes his own beverage towards me.

“Try it, if you’d like. Have you had one of these? This club’s got the best bartenders and drinks.” Hesitantly, I take the class and bring it closer to my nose to smell it. Well, I am at a club. With the drink in hand, I tilt my head back a bit, letting the cool sting travel down my throat. It burns a lot, a sensation that feels like new. I hand the remaining amount back to him, thanking him. “Good? You took in a lot.” Damn that eye smile and grin. It’s been a while since I’ve felt mesmerized by someone, but maybe it’s just the Manhattan hitting.

Noticing I’m facing him fully, I shift in my seat and go back to my own drink. “Yeah, I’m fine.” In reality, whatever the bartender put into glass is strong. I can feel the fuzzy feeling travel down my throat and spread throughout my body, a bit of a buzz in my head. “What about you, what brings you here?” I ask the man who looks to be inching closer to me, his shoulder almost touching mine. If he tries anything, he won’t be having a great time after I sock him somewhere sensitive. “You’re all dressed up in a suit, too, are you into business?” Jaehyun shrugs, fiddling with a now empty glass, his eyes focused on mine a little too comfortably for me.

He pulls a card with his contact information on it and hands it to me which I take gingerly, flipping it over and back a few times. “Jeong Jaehyun. Real estate. Been dealing with a lot of shit people these days. Feel free to call me whenever, for business or,” he pauses, “things not related to real estate.” He asks the bartender for another drink, a Daiquiri this time, just as another man saunters over. He pokes lightly at my shoulder.

“Hey, let’s chat in the back, shall we?” The man eyes Jaehyun, but doesn’t pay any more attention, swiftly changing his focus back onto me. “You can bring your drink with.” I nod, assuming this man is Johnny and that I’d be okay with him. 

Standing up, I feel a bit dizzy, uncertain if from sitting down for so long or the drink that Jaehyun let me have some of. Johnny notices, steadying me by offering his arm which I hold onto. Before we commence our journey to wherever he’s taking me, Jaehyun nudges my side, winks at me, and says, “Have fun, you have my card.” He shoots a wide smile, his eyes trailing down my body as I walk away. Club Zone might have its perks.

▶ Ambience

Johnny and I reach the back which I assume are for private parties and, well, other private activities. The bass hits the walls hard as we enter an empty room. It’s now just Johnny and I, and though there’s less people, I can’t help but feel uneasy. We both take a seat opposite of each other, my sadly non-alcoholic drink starting to dwindle away. Beginning to sober up, I open up the discussion. “You’re Johnny, right?” Just making sure I have the right guy on my first mission, especially with Lucas on the line. I feel relief when he nods and shows me his ID card. Looks legitimate. Johnny Suh, 25 years old, from Chicago. So he was born in the western hemisphere that was destroyed back in 2094. Since I grew up there, it’s nice to meet someone else who would remember it. I wonder how he ended up here in Neostone. “Good, so Taeyong sent me to ask you about parts? I don’t know, I’m new to all of this. I don’t even know what to ask exactly.” Johnny softly chuckles at my predicament.

“Yong’s never had a messenger, he used to do everything himself. Makes me happy he’s got you to carry some work, hopefully you can adjust soon. You’re doing great so far.” His reassurance feels nice, knowing the kind of situation I’m stuck in. Johnny continues, “He can expect Lucas’s parts in a few days, probably in the middle of the week. I’m having Doyoung and Taeil deliver them directly to the clinic for the doctor dude.” I nod. Doyoung and Taeil. I have to remember these details for Taeyong. The way Johnny knows Lucas’s name makes me feel strange. How many people are in each of these gangs and how many know Lucas? They probably know him just as the prototype or cyborg which doesn’t sit right. Johnny’s then out of the blue poses a question that puzzles me. “Are you part of the Dragon Zodiac? Or from another group?” Undoubtedly, my confused face is my answer to him. “Ah, you’re some stranger then, huh. Well, Taeyong’s the leader of the Neostone Zodiac, the Dragons. They’re known for elemental manipulation.” Now hold on.

Without warning, I channel a more intense tone and volume, “For fuck’s sake, I keep learning new things each hour since I’ve met Taeyong. They can do what now?” Johnny bursts into laughter and tears, wiping them away though they seem to keep coming. He’s trying to explain, but it takes him a couple of minutes to finally recollect his composure. 

“Did you go into this not knowing anything? Lord, that man cracks me up. Anyways, sorry,” he starts, still dabbing his sleeve at his reddened cheeks where laughing tears stained. “Each megacity is represented by a Zodiac. I’m sure you’ve heard about the story of the twelve animals and some race, yeah? For example, I’m not from Neostone, but I work for the Horse Zodiac based in a city in South Korea, we’re known for enhanced stamina. You know, I made it to state back in high school for track. Almost to the national stage, but I got injured. Those were good times...” This man is so talkative, and I could not take in any more information, but he keeps going on some tangent about his track and field days. So in addition to my best friend completely turning into a cyborg that I have to help out with, I’m also up against others with super powers? The more this progresses, the more I believe I’m living in a superhero comic or film. There’s no way this is all real, maybe he’s just pulling my leg. Johnny continues to detail the whole Zodiac concept. “The Dragon Zodiac is one of the special collectives. Taeyong is kind of like... a metal bender, if you think about it. But he can’t go toppling whole buildings or whatever, their power is pretty limited.”

That must be why his work with Lucas’s arm is so sleek and seamless. He’s able to supernaturally work with metal apparently, but I’m not believing Johnny’s words until I see these supposed abilities for myself. Johnny stares at me, waiting for me to say something, so I do. “Thank you, I’ll tell Taeyong this.” This is all I say. Propelling myself off the chair, Johnny provides me a bottle of water and offers to escort me out through the busy club. Nodding in approval, we take off and out of the back and into the noisiness of the Club Zone. Taking sips of water every now and then helps to recuperate from the fuzziness that Manhattan drink dealt. Speaking of Manhattan, the darkened eyes of the man from earlier lock onto mine, watching me leave with Johnny at my side with a smug smile on his face. Jaehyun stands still with his back against the wall, away from all the activity of dancing and drinking taking place where the other DJ does his job.

Johnny leans down towards me and warns me, “That’s Jaehyun. He’s the Ox Zodiac leader. Might be pretty, but don’t get caught up with him.” The comment leaves me curious, and a bit annoyed. You’re telling me that gorgeous man can’t be messed with? I’ll bring this up with Taeyong and see what kind of dirt is on Jaehyun. I quietly thank Johnny for guiding me as he lets go of my arm at the entrance of the building. He bids me safe travels and turns, seemingly eager to get back to DJ’ing. The guy seems nice, way more entertaining and easy to approach than the damn doctor. Club Zone just might be a new spot for me to frequent. Before I push through the doors to exit, I steal a glance from Jaehyun who’s still looking at me. I’m definitely coming back.

▶ Ambience

2:30am. I arrive at Taeyong’s apartment, knocking instead of breaking in. The door opens revealing the doctor who appears to have showered, the strong scent of mint pouring into the hallway and the blonde strands sticking in generous clumps to his foreheads. Kind of... cute. “I wasn’t expecting you to come back. At least, not this early.” I take it back. What a way to greet someone. He ushers me in, closing the door behind me. Looking around, I note that Lucas isn’t here, and I look at Taeyong for answers. He reads me well, reporting that he sent Lucas home around midnight to get some sleep. “Lucas didn’t seem too well, probably from lack of sleep. Very worried, like a puppy that can’t stand being away from its owner. Should let him be more often.” I hate that he’s right, but I brush off the comment and take a seat, this time on the comfier and nicer sofa. Taeyong sits across. “So, information. Spill.” Jumping on information already, not even asking if I made it back alright and everything went smoothly-- who does he think he is?

Establishing my perplexity with his attitude, I passive aggressively begin with, “I met Johnny who’s very nice compared to you and explained way more than you did, without a gun or anything.” He rubs the back of his neck which tells me he may regret all that he pulled earlier on me. Or that he doesn’t care and wants to get straight to the information. “Anyways, Do... Doyoung? Along with Taeil will be delivering the shipment sometime, possibly in the middle of, this week. Straight to clinic.” Taeyong nods with the details given to me by Johnny. Maybe I’ll stay quiet about my encounter with Jaehyun since Johnny said not to meddle with him. After I finish my piece, he ponders, his brows knitting together. Is it not enough for him? I’ve given him what he wants. I just need to get home and make sure Lucas is okay.

“Very good except... did you ask about the next rave.”

I fucking loathe him each time he opens that mouth.

“No. Because it’s not important, next. Let me go home.” My arms fold across my chest, an eye roll to top it off. Taeyong chortles at my annoyance.

He gets up, still laughing, and picks up a set of car keys from off the wall near the door. “Easy, easy. Come on, I’ll drive you back home.”

▶ Ambience

Part of me still is fuming over Taeyong’s demeanor, but I’m also thankful for him driving me back to the complex. The rain starts to hit hard against the windows. I’d rather not get soaked after an already wild and mostly upsetting night. The ride is silent for a few minutes until he breaks it. “Hey, I know we’re off to a bad start, but you’re working for me now.” Held me a gunpoint. “As your boss, I’ll be protecting you as I need someone to help divvy up my project, even just for information gathering, so you don’t need to worry about me hurting you anymore.” Bruised my jaw earlier. “All you need to do is follow my orders and you’ll be fine.” Put responsibility for Lucas’s possible promotion to be taken away on me. Aren’t doctors supposed to have compassion and be kind? Whatever his words were, they went in one ear and out the ear because I don’t want to hear him talk anymore. He pulls into a spot and parks against the sidewalk close to the complex entrance, but I needed to hear an apology from him. If we’re working together, I need him to know my boundaries and to treat me with respect. The windshield wipers are the only thing we could hear for a moment until Taeyong reaches into the back. What in the world could he be pulling out? A gun again? My heart races for a few seconds, but calms down after seeing a familiar red box with a cross on it. A medicine kit. He sets it onto his lap, opening it up to reveal the usual items that come with it. Taeyong picks up the instant ice pack, shakes it a few times waiting for it to feel cold in his hands, and hands it to me. I stare at him in disbelief. “Nice bruise.” He points to his jaw in the spot where my bruise is, and I feel at my own face to mirror him. He laughs, a painful ring in my ears to hear him mocking me. “Take care and see you at the clinic on Monday.”

Exiting the car, I hold the ice pack to my bruise, the sting of the coldness causing me to wince. You’re so pathetic, I say to myself. That wasn’t the kind of apology I wanted, if it was even one, but the tiredness is starting to take over me. Before to entering the complex, I peek over my shoulder to see Taeyong still parked, watching me head inside. Sticking my tongue out in displeasure with all he’s done, I put up a quick middle finger and rush inside. He’s probably roaring his ass off in laughter inside his car, but it’s no longer something I’ll pay mind to. My priority is Lucas.

▶ Ambience

Without hesitation, I enter Lucas’s small apartment through the door that’s ajar, and I find him twiddling his thumbs at the table with nervousness riddling his expression. Has he been waiting for me? I reposition the ice pack still on my bruise. “Hi, Lucas, sorry if you were staying up for me.” I reassure him, seeing his shoulders drop and some color rise back in his face. He raises a brow, and I know he’s about to ask about the unpleasant-looking violet blooming along my jaw. “I’m okay, he didn’t do anything else. I told him all the information and he drove me home.” He sighs in relief, stands, and opens up his arms, the good old bear hug whenever something goes down. Embracing him, the familiar sense of comfort washes over me, my lids wavering as the need to be in bed becomes stronger.

“It’s a been a long night, hasn’t it? We both should sleep in a little. Let’s go to Electric Egg later this morning for brunch. 11:30? Sicheng’s working then, too.” I sleepily nod, pushing him away a little to leave for my room. He asks another question, one that fills me with dread, “How do you feel about Taeyong?” I keep my lips shut. “He’s not a bad guy, I promise. Just give him time.” I wonder how long he’s been keeping this from me. If it’s only recent, I can feel somewhat better. If not, then this whole time, he’s been secretive about this and working with Taeyong, that evil man. Though feeling betrayed, I think I can trust him with Lucas. Since all I’m doing is gathering information, this compromise shouldn’t be difficult to carry out. Talk to people, report the details, and repeat. As long as it doesn’t involve harming others, everything will be fine.

A weak smile occupies my face, my head beginning to feel heavy in addition to the rest of me. “As long as you’re okay, I’ll be alright with him. We just have to play along with Taeyong and see what happens next. But I won’t let him hurt you, or me.” Lucas, satisfied with my answer, pushes me out the door with a loud laugh and bids me a good night. I quickly do the same before closing his door and drift over to my own room. After a quick wash and stretch, I sit at the edge of the bed and scan the crumpled paper with all of Taeyong’s information from Pearl Park. My thumbs try to smooth out the wrinkles as much as possible to make it clearer. He’s annoyingly admirable. A very intelligent doctor who’s got a charm to him, plus supposedly a superpower, and can get whatever he wants-- one of those things being my best friend-- is unfair. I look over to the now squishy, melted ice pack on my night stand. He’s not a bad guy. I want to believe Lucas. He’s been in more contact with Taeyong than I have. If he says so, then I should let it be, like Taeyong said. I turn over the document which I did not notice before, probably because I was rushing to get out of the storage room. It’s a list of what I think are names, neatly written in small cursive. Going down it, these names don’t seem familiar which I assume because the document is from an older year. Midway through the list, I abruptly freeze at a name that makes my blood stop, my body ice cold:

Jeong Jaehyun.

[dramaclover]

Ending & Thoughts: Al Cappuccino

Another wacky and zany drama. Now I’m telling you now. Do not go into this drama expecting a dark thrilling undercover cop show. Cause this ain’t it. It’s more on the hilarious, lighthearted take on the police and triads. It’s not realistic in any way. Well I mean, no drama is fully realistic but this one is the exact opposite of how things should’ve gone down.

The amount of times where they talked OPENLY LOUD about who and who is undercover is ridiculous. It’s like they don’t even try to hide the fact. Typically only one or two people would know a certain someone is undercover. In this drama the handlers whole teams know, as well as her superiors. The amount of times they would meet up in public spaces or just casually call them over their personal phone is mind blowing. At first it was annoying, cause every time they did something so openly, I would think well “cover is blown”. But that’s not the case. As you continue to watch, you start to ignore it and pretend everyone is deaf and blind to this. When that happens the drama starts to become entertaining.

This whole drama just focused on one storyline and that is investigating who killed the triad boss. We don’t find out who it is until the very end. The stories in between talks about Chiang Sai Lung (Vincent Wong) taking over the head triads role. A lot of struggles in between with him trying to stay in this role. Side stories dealing with love lines, fan service scenes of bromance. The bromance was a huge factor and what made me so compelled to keep watching. Honestly Sai Lung and his 4 love interests were totally boring to me. I enjoyed his bromance with Go Bun (Owen Cheung)more. Also really liked Koo Yan Yi (Crystal Fung) as the handler and watch as the 3 become very close. This trio was fun to watch compared to those unnecessary side love stories.

Sai Lungs love story features heavily in this drama, so I can’t just not talk about them. The 4 woman in Sai Lungs life comprises of Koo Yan Yi aka Madam Koo, his handler that has a strong sense of justice & loyalty. So Tsz Shan (Kathy Yuen) a timid woman who aspires to be a teacher. Chong Ming Lai (Samantha Ko) a haughty actress. And Yiu Ching Shui aka Shui jie (Angel Chiang), the confident, outspoken business woman. Out of the 4, I only liked Madam Koo & Shui Jei. I guess this is TVBs attempt to make him similar to Chor Lau Heung where everyone falls in love with the male lead despite him not even trying.

Tsz Shan is so boring and easily bullied. She was not fun to watch, I didn’t think she had chemistry with Sai Lung and odd enough she was a huge fan favourite. Which I can’t wrap my head around, her character was just so bland to me. She’s so oblivious to her Dad and brothers wrongdoings. It gets annoying when she’s so blind to it all. I know it’s hard to believe your family member is evil, but really? Her role here is basically to be the main love interest to Sai Lung since she plays no role in solving the main mystery. She hasn’t even tried to help Sai Lung to uncover anything. She’s always so timid and getting put into a position where she’s in danger. Way too damsel in distress for me.

Ming Lai was super annoying, all she does is bother Sai Lung and threatens to make him stay by her side. And when she forces him to announce that their dating (they actually aren’t) she gets pissed when he leaves her for someone else. Like girl, you know he doesn’t like you. You blackmailed him into staying with you. Like what did you expect? Also her character could be written out and no one would notice her gone. That’s how unnecessary she was. She’s literally a filler character created to fill up the 30 episode slot. Samantha Ko is a great actress, it just sucks her role here is so unneeded.

Shui Jie was a breath of fresh air. Originally she was sent to seduce Sai Lung but she ends up falling for him instead. I really disliked how she fell for him though, it came out of nowhere. They met 4 times and suddenly she’s in love? It was to rush and random for me. But as a character itself, she was a breeze to watch. She’s super confident and smart. Unlike Tsz Shan she’s able to help Sai Lung in solving a lot of his problems and find ways to warn him of danger. I love how brave she is. She’s not afraid to tell someone she loves them and pursue it.

Madam Koo was also another likeable character. She doesn’t want to be known as just a pretty rich girl. She wants to prove that she can be a successful cop. You can tell how much faith she puts into Go Bun and Sai Lung. She treats them fairly and always finds way to help them. I really like how she can remain calm and think things through. When Go Bun and Sai Lung seemingly betrays her. She doesn’t get angry instead she goes and secretly investigates what’s going on. That is how she figured out how her Father was one of the masterminds. And she did that all alone.

Another side love story would be between Go Bun and Chiang Chin Ha (Winki Lai). They were fun to watch and had awesome chemistry. From the beginning we see that they both liked each other but won’t make a move. Chin Ha with her pride and knowing Go Bun would not reciprocate. Go Bun on the other hand is a cop. To him he can never be with someone involved with the triads. So it becomes a can’t help but love each other story. They were cute together but it was unrealistic for Chin Ha to forgive Go Bun so easily after finding out 1) he’s an undercover cop and 2) he only approached her to solve the case. Essentially Go Bun used her infiltrate the triad. The fact that it was glossed over so quickly made no sense. Chin Ha is a strong minded business person who strongly cares about her family. Yet, Go Bun lied to her all this time and used not only her but her family as well, and she’s okay with it? I’m glad they got a happy ending but I wished it showed more of the internal struggle with her finding out.

I’m always hoping for a good plot twist so I was secretly hoping that Cheung Sai Lun was actually Chiang Sai Lung. And that he was faking it the whole time cause he was upset that his family left him in the orphanage. The amount of scenarios that ran in my mind LOL. I also thought maybe he is Chiang Sai Lung but he himself didn’t know and it just became a case of mistaken identity (this would’ve been sooo good especially towards the end where they had a DNA test done). My third theory was Chiang Sai Lung is not dead and that he would show up in the end to reclaim his identity. But as you can see none of that happened. Don’t worry though, cause there were other plot twists that caught me off guard.

The first one is Sai Lung getting so caught up with his method acting that he actually becomes cruel. He along with Go Bun betrays Madam Koo and turns to the dark side of the triad. I was so invested in this. I really thought Sai Lung could no longer break his character and that he had fallen into deep. This has happened in real life where actors could no longer separate real from fake. I love that they added that into the storyline cause it makes it all real and scary. Of course turns out it was all an act to sniff out the real killer. Unfortunately it was easy to figure out that it was an act once he had a “fall out” with Go Bun. That part was a little too much for it to be real. And that’s when the surprises stop.

The second one would be the development of Szeto Shun (Jack Hui) a cop that relies on dirty tactics to climb up in ranks. He is one of the many antagonist, what makes him different though is that he repents and redeems himself by the end. His character had the best development if you ask me. He went from someone whose dream was to be a cop, to using underhanded methods to get his way to finally becoming a human again. He gets so caught up in promotions that he forgot why he became a cop in the first place which is for justice. When he helped Madam Koo arrest the bad guy he said something along the lines of “I have done bad things, but in the end I’m still a cop”. He said that as the reason why he decided to do the right thing for once. At first I thought he’d be the typical evil cop that ends up dying. But this character proved me wrong. In the end he turns himself in as he wanted to take responsibility for his actions.

I was shocked that no one died in this drama. And when I say that I obviously meant the main characters. Usually the obligatory best friend, love interest, family member heck even one of the bad guys would die. But that didn’t happen. They all survived, even the bad guys just quietly went to jail. Speaking of bad guys, their problems were resolved so quickly that it was pointless. We did not sit through all of that drama just for the bad guys to one by one casually reveal what happened. It was so unoriginal too. Like Madam Koos father got touched by her speech about good and evil that her father confessed to the crime. Tsz Shans father out of guilt for being the cause of her daughters injuries confessed to everything to “repent”. Even the ultimate black cop just spewed the truth out once asked. Like I understand he was caught red handed but he literally revealed all of the information once questioned? He’s not even gonna try to fight it? He doesn’t even have an emotional backstory for him to feel guilty to admit the truth. It just happened. It was so nonsensical that I got confused that it all ended so quickly. There wasn’t even a huge fighting showdown. Which is why I say despite this dubbed as a undercover triad thriller drama. It isn’t! Being an undercover cop was like a backdrop, even the mystery death was sidelined. The focus was on the familial and bromance relationship. The drama would’ve been short if they hadn’t added in the random romances.

Acting wise, I’ve seen a lot of hate against Crystal. There were so many complaints in the international forums I literally thought she was a train wreck. Well she wasn’t. I don’t see how she ruined the drama? I’m convinced that people just complain about her cause they aren’t happy about her being promoted by TVB. But guys you need to chill. Her acting is pretty decent. She isn’t screaming her lines or bulging her eyes out. She is stiff and needs more work on enunciating. This was her first leading drama and she’s still so new. I really thought her acting would be like Sisley Choi from 2012 with the screaming or Charmaine Sheh from 1998 with the overreacting. But she wasn’t. Also people complained about her wardrobe cause she was dressed so fashionably. Are you guys blind? All the main males in this drama are dressed in suits 24/7 whether they’re a cop or not. Literally Go Bun and Sai Lung wears a suit everyday walking around. They’re not wearing causal wear. Why is no one hating on them? The double standards are scary. But then again it could just be hate against Crystal in general. Back when Niki Chow and Kate Tsui played as cops they would wear high heels and pretty clothes as well but no one said anything. And this drama was anything but realistic. I find that it’s the international fans that are complaining, Hong Kong netizens are actually satisfied with Crystal.

Owen Cheung has finally found his niche and that is comedy. Every drama he’s been in, I’ve always been unimpressed with him. But then I figured out it’s mostly cause he gets typecasted as the “hot” guy in which I personally think he’s not. He’s more suited for nerdy roles like (The Offliners) or comedic roles like this one. It’s like how Benjamin Yuen is wooden in serious roles and only good in comedy ones as well. The bromance between him Vincent was great. So hilarious that I sometimes wished the drama just focused on their bromance only.

The ending was open ended in a way. Go Bun and Chin Ha gets married. The Chiang family has left the triad behind and deals with legal business only. Sai Lun has to make a choice of staying in Hong Kong or pursuing his acting dreams overseas. And between the 4 woman in love with him, he doesn’t end up with either of them. Only ending with saying how he’s happy he met the 4 of them. Obviously he loves Tsz Shan the most. No question about it. The 4 woman knows that as well. So I don’t know why they ended it like that. This is the first drama where the female lead loves the male lead but they don’t end up together. Instead he falls fall for the second lead instead. I’m okay with it as I prefer Madam Koo and Sai Lun as good friends but it’s surprising to see them go down this route instead. Sequel? Hmm I don’t know. What could the sequel be about? Sai Lun can’t just go undercover in a different family again. Unless they shift the focus from triad/ cops to something else.

Despite the flaws I love this drama. I kept wanting to watch the next episode compared to Death by Zero. I was just so into the bromance and the hilarious antics. It’s just so entertaining. I know I complained a lot, but this is one drama I highly recommend you to watch. Just don’t go into it believing it’s like Infernal Affairs or Line Walker. This is in the running to be one of TVBs better dramas of 2020 along with Brutally Young and Death by Zero!

[disneyheroesbattlemodediamonds]

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I am looking to attraction to the sofa gamer so will be working to get that message throughout over the next few vids. Thank you a lot in your feedback and its given me self assurance to maintain going. Watch this space hehe! X no issues, and if it's some thing you revel in stick with it, it is tougher than humans assume, and people may be surely brutal, so simply do your element and attempt no longer to take comments too seriously. When you gather sufficient of those, you can upgrade your hero to a brand new colour stage, which need to lead them to a touch stronger. You can also improve each of their talents with the in-game currency of gold, but if you try this too often, you may fast run out of funds. The monetization is as awful as you will assume. The in-app purchases variety up to $ninety nine.ninety nine in keeping with item. There also are varieties of forex and a stamina machine, not to mention top class loot crates. Switch to a higher gaming enjoy with 'repeated faucet' on bluestacks. Both press and preserve an assigned key to faucet continuously or simply tap as soon as to execute the tap unique variety of instances. Matters are warming up and the world and your preferred heroes are at risk. What do you when that occurs? You name bluestacks that will help you out! Go away no room for stressful as now you can remember a chain of capabilities to be able to take your gaming talents up high inside the sky right away! The trouble with disney heroes: war mode is that, as enjoyable as the idea might also appear, it falls flat. For starters, gamers don't in reality have an awful lot to do with regards to battles. After choosing your team and beginning the combat, the characters are on their very own. The only factor players do is faucet on a portrait to activate a unique circulate when it's charged up, and even that can be bypassed with the autoplay option. Your handiest responsibility is to level up the characters you have got. Use amplification accurately! Each day you've got a constrained time for advantage. If time is up, you need to wait until tomorrow to set off it again. The hazard of benefit is reset each day together with your every day reset at 05:00. how do i know my heroes are bolstered? If you have activated the amplification, you can see a special icon to your heroes on the display screen with the heroes, while deciding on a hero earlier than the struggle and all through the war.you can test how a lot benefit will paintings by using clicking at the benefit icon inside the decrease left corner of the primary display screen. The manufacturing cost is right, which suggest attractive portraits, an alright tale, and strong touchscreen controls. But past the stylish veneer is a run of the mill hero collection automobile-brawler that just drags on and on. Perblue leisure hasn't provided enough of a cause to play via this kid-friendly journey except gathering all the heroes and finishing the tale. And positive, there are a few more modes to play through for the ones of you which can be brave enough to trudge thru the tale mode, but is that surely sufficient? So in place of focus on heroes, consciousness on capability team comps. Could be an excellent subject matter for every other video. Town watch you must be extra thorough with, display a few runs, maybe speedy forward it a chunk in the historical past as you talk strategy over it. Surge and heist should be performed one by one as nicely so perhaps we can all prevent explaining it 50 instances a week lol. Simply make certain the point of interest is on guild and of completion over scoring. The Diamonds is exceptional, the surge store tokens are greater critical until you're in top 1-20 guilds essentially car completing it day by day. Base mods may be upgraded to level 20. better-elegance mods can be further advanced by way of increasing their electricity. Higher-magnificence mods need to be adapted for a specific hero. Hero chips may be spent on re-adapting the mod for another hero. Code snippets may be used to improve the mod elegance. There are 15 kinds of code snippets. They fluctuate in shape and shade. Mods may be advanced, this gives a secondary bonus to the hero - for instance, an boom in assault pace or extra armor. If the strength of your crew is so excessive that they can't pick up a sturdy enough opponent, you may be picked up with the aid of an opponent and their heroes might be raised. Because of this you may see someone with a crew degree decrease than the level of the heroes you are fighting with. City watch opens at team level 25. What are city patrol raid cards? For the battle in all 5 regions and the passage of the city watch, raid cards are given.