#is it entirely hcs or do they have more content further than the side stories pls send help

[kinsagi]

Arknights nation how tf do you get the lore for the characters

[genderfluid-insomniac]

WOOOOOO YEAAAH BABEEYYY THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT IVE WAITED WITH BAITED BREATH TO SEE THAT REQUEST GO OPEN

can i req hc for octatrio + jamil + someone else whoever you want with a crush that acts like Kaeya !!!! i wanna see The Reader doing the flirting and making The Boys into a Mess yaaas

oh hi anon!! I'm actually so overjoyed to get a response like this because I know that you guys actually enjoy my stories but onto the main content! I HOPE YOU ENJOY ANON!!

octatrio + jamil with an s/o like acts like Kaeya 

azul

He’s so flustered and cannot handle your flirting, as much as he wants to be the big bad dorm prefect who contracts almost the entire school he’s weak to you.

If you happen to tease him in public about being fully shameless about it then he’s going to be speechless and fully flushed, being yanked into an empty side room for a stern talking to (he won’t hesitate to let Floyd chase you around for a bit for punishment).

The prefect admires your confidence and charismatic personality that naturally draws people to you, also having the ability to read others very well.

You’ve been able to talk yourself out of work from Crowley many times and even from him which isn’t his favorite thing, especially because you cause him so much panic (the good kind).

Jade

The eel is pretty tough to fluster but after a good couple of attempts he spots a light pink blush on his cheeks and goes to cover it when you stare at the pretty sight.

He knows most of your flirts so you might have to come up with more or find certain ways to surprise him and catch him off guard.

Does in fact adore your confidence and plays around with you constantly since you come up with all sorts of comebacks, bouncing off each other’s energy.

Jade will call you out when you’re bullshitting too much and you both know you’ve gotten in over your head, which happens fairly often given Octavinelle’s shady business.

Floyd

Just like Jade he adores your teasing and flirting and is the twin that talks big but gets incredibly flustered by others being able to tease him right back, which only eggs you on further.

He’s more likely to push you so he can get you to that flirty and frustrated tone, egging you on to be bolder and bolder.

Will absolutely pout if you purposely avoid teasing or playing around with him just to get his reaction and hit him over the head with a compliment that’ll make his face burn crimson.

The only problem with this relationship is Floyd will actively encourage your exaggeration when you’re telling stories and now you both have to explain why half of the school thinks there’s a loch ness monster on campus, he’s sure you can talk your way out of this one...right?

Jamil

The brunette tries to act all tough and like nothing could fluster him but honestly he’s such a softie, having genuine compliments given to him is rare and secretly adores when you do it.

His ‘nothing bothers me attitude’ is all a façade because you can see the cracks in his expression whenever you get close or nuzzle against him, whether honestly or to get a reaction out of him.

Between you and Kalim he has a lot to deal with too, maybe go easy on him sometimes because there’s only so much chaos he can take before blowing his top (no one wants another overblot) and it’s not funny anymore.

Jamil does really admire how you don’t take shit from anyone and can dish out comebacks easily, despite being in a whole different world from your own he feels like you belong here more than back home.

[zhuhongs]

Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX) 

There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:

A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi  and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((

a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5  when it was rlly out of place and  there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.

a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy

OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write

also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.

ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.

Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.

Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme

Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-

[crossxskulled]

Had to hop on the train of getting the Ryuji deets on this done at one point. Keep in mind! This incoming headcanon/meta is going to pertain late game spoilers of P5 Royal. So! By all means zip by this at the speed of sound if you’re working through the experience.

SO YEAH LIL WARNING FOR THIS HC HERE. Otherwise!

.HC: Breaking away from your Saving Grace.

Self vs Society.

Selfishness vs Reality.

What I really enjoyed about P5 Royal is the addition and much needed content involved for the Phantom Thieves. In Ryuji’s case, there was one last lingering demon he needed to handle, one he never quite got the chance too in the base. Lemme break it down in one important note.

A proper graduation for Ryuji was going to involve more than breaking away from Maruki’s falsified world. However, all the same, going through this particularly special pain broadened both his eyes and wealth of maturity in a whole new fashion. It wasn’t just Maruki who he needed to fight free of in terms of control.

It was the Phantom Thieves, rather, what they meant to him and how a egregious sense of dependency was held onto their band as well.

Ryuji throughout the story as we knew him who was a character who hardly had jack shit at the beginning of P5. Just a loving mom he felt he constantly made struggle, a new horrible environment burning him with doubts, worries, all topped with a desperation to prevent Kamoshida from doing heinous shit, an act that possibly could’ve gotten him killed if it hadn’t been for meeting the Protagonist upon those days. Being a loner, being lashed out at, he was easily in a grim place that could’ve made him take desperate measures.

So fast forward that time now. He gains new friends, an new, larger than life sense of purpose, a future filled with times he truly never wished to end as they’re finally allowed to lash out, fight out, and makes things in ways no one else can.

For a long time throughout the series, allllll the way till that note where they have to face the grail, a part of him never considered there may be a time where all of this just ends. No longer is it the Phantom Thieves, it’s back to himself, what little he’s done to actually change the tidbits of the situation he’s started in. Doing the greater good was one thing.

Yet, before reality there was another bridge he had to overcome. Deciding what he truly wishes for and putting in the legwork to get there.

It all really falls into place during his time spent in that false reality. Reflection, gathering wit and determination, truly casting away that dream simultaneously bunkered down by fear.

In a childish way, he wanted their days spent in these motions here, their days as Phantom Thieves and clearing up evils to last forever. For nothing about that specific formula to change.

While that determination is alluded to in base P5, Royal proceeded to hit it out the park.

Initiative to get the ball moving.

Really taking the time to hammer down the idea with the people closest to him. (Naturally his Ma was the first to know.) He loves being a Phantom Thief, always will, always will continue to be one. However similar to how his Shadow is another side of him, it’s a special side that’s destined to keep rightfully in the shadows. It only leaves Ryuji to take all that he’s learned and truly intend to apply it for the future ahead.

He wants the Phantom Thieves to not just be a symbol of inspired courage, but also for it to be rightfully handled, and to not have his babbage sully it into a form of crutch for him to lean on. Ryuji wishes to truly fight the good fight as foundational alongside all the others. The 3rd semester proceeds to truly the open door on not just his desires, but also learn how clinging to hopes, to that kind of love for a certain time of life where things don’t change to that extent, ultimately it’s unhealthy as shit.

He rejects a life where everything is handled to him. Instead, with what he’s been born with, given and what he’s influenced alongside all the others, he aims to properly graduate by taking not just his first steps, but to sprint entirely to the finish line in the dreams of becoming the best Olympian track star.

It’s not just enough to have a place to belong. You also need to stake the steps to expand it in the way that you see worthwhile. I believe this is what he was gunning while getting his business together.

Just as he intends to grow up and even further, he realizes the Phantom Thieves will too, he’d cast aside that fear that their connections won’t be as deep due to both natural separation and from the lack of duty in these downtimes.

[arofili]

how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community, 

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

[pengiesama]

The Fox Groom (Fic, TGCF, HC/XL)

Title: The Fox Groom Series: Heavenly Official’s Blessing (Tian Guan Ci Fu) Pairing: Hua Cheng/Xie Lian

Summary:

Once upon a time, a brave and compassionate prince saved the life of an injured, starving fox.

Once upon a time, a fox fell in love with a human.

Once upon a time, a fox made a wish: a wish for a human form, to serve the prince, and stay by his side. But, like all things, that wish came with a price.

The story of a prince-turned-penniless cultivator, and a fox-turned-human, incapable of saying the words he wants to the most.

Notes:

Written for the MXTX Reverse Big Bang 2019! @mxtxbigbang

I partnered up with the wonderful Blu (@bluestrawberrypaint / shibe_sann (Twitter)), who provided the writing prompt as well as beautiful art for the fic! See their finished art piece here. I'm honored to be allowed to write their idea into reality.

Link: AO3

Read on Tumblr!

Xian Le was a glorious kingdom, and was renowned far and wide for its splendor. This notoriety was well-earned: it was, after all, very glorious, very splendid, and very, very wealthy. However, to maintain such an envious reputation, there was a certain necessity for loud and ostentatious displays of its attributes.

Its gilded palaces and jeweled temples were as numerous as flowers, and equally as beautiful. Its music and poetry and plays were known even across the seas. There was always an occasion for a festival, a parade, a feast at the palace with only the most elite of attendees. An envious reputation was best cultivated through a perfect balance of gratuitous showboating and exclusivity. Look, look all upon us – look upon us, and know the glory that you dare not touch.

The event that best encapsulated this mindset was the annual Imperial Hunt.

The Xian Le imperial hunt; a glorious and storied tradition, where the royal family and nobility valiantly set out into the wilderness to vanquish evil with nothing but the swords on their hip, the arrows on their backs, and hundreds of personal assistants to keep them in the comfort they expected. They were of course also accompanied by fleets of elite soldiers, who did the lion’s share of the work in scouting out and chasing down prey.

It would not do for the Xian Le nobility to be thought of as the idle rich – well, not entirely. While few of the nobles looked forward to leaving the comforts of the imperial city, the idea of not attending – worse, not being invited – was simply scandalous. And so, most were content to spend their week in the autumn wilderness in spacious and well-outfitted silken tents, sipping tea and writing guqin compositions on topic of the red maple leaves, while the busy work was taken care of by the staff.

…most were content.

“Your highness! Please, wait!”

Xie Lian had never listened to his bodyguards before, and was not about to start now – especially when his target was almost within his grasp.

Said target was a spider-legged demon the size of a draft horse. The eight sharp, jointed legs supported a massive round body, covered entirely in long, coarse black hair. Unlike the noble arachnid it had crudely copied its shape from, it sported only a single pair of eyes and a grinning, toothy mouth; both too large, and too human-like. It was a fearful sight to behold. It had terrorized nearby villages for months, and had effortlessly taken down troops of soldiers and cultivators sent to neutralize it. It was powerful, and terrifying, and was fleeing for its life from Xie Lian’s relentless pursuit.

Xie Lian was the crown prince of Xian Le; the only son, an only child, the one and only darling of the heavens themselves. His martial talents were known far and wide – he was as unparalleled in the sword as he was with the spear, with the bow, with the staff, with nothing but his fists and feet. His mind was as sharp as the blades he wielded, and his sense of justice was as sturdy as the earth beneath his nimble feet. Or – being that he was currently freefalling through the air – at least as sturdy as the impact of his foot colliding with the thorax of the demon spider, sending the awful beast tumbling down from the tree trunk it had been previously scaling.

It landed hard on the forest floor; flipped on its back like a turtle. It let loose an awful croaking noise as it flailed its legs, trying and failing to right itself. It was too little, too late. A flash of sunlight in the tree canopy heralded Xie Lian’s descent, as if he was a bolt of divine lightning. He leapt from the highest branch, sword drawn, aiming straight for the wretched beast’s exposed underbelly.

It was mercifully quick. The demon spider croaked out its death rattle, and its legs twitched spasmodically for a few seconds before they stiffened and went motionless.

Xie Lian withdrew his sword, and pulled a paper talisman from his sleeves. He attached the talisman to the beast’s corpse, and murmured a quick incantation. The talisman erupted into white flames, and rapidly started to spread across the beast’s body; purifying its remains to ensure none of the corruption roiling within it would spread and reform itself into something equally vile.

“Your highness! For heaven’s sake…”

Xie Lian smiled at his bodyguards as they approached. “Sorry, Feng Xin. If you and Mu Qing keep squabbling over whose turn it is every time we spot a target, you can’t blame me for taking matters into my own hands.”

Mu Qing clicked his tongue irritably. “It was my turn, for the record.”

Feng Xin shoved him. Mu Qing punched him in the jaw. Within seconds, they were rolling around on the forest floor, kicking and slapping each other; lit by the setting sun and the gentle glow of the burning spider monster corpse. Xie Lian shook his head and took out a handkerchief to clean the blood from his sword.

Most Xian Le nobles were content to allow the soldiers to capture and beat targets into submission; once subdued, the killing blow would be delivered by whatever noble liege the troop was assigned to. This would ensure the points for the kill were properly granted to their rightful recipient – tallies were carefully tracked by enchanted jade bracelets attached to every participant, and were quite serious business indeed. As crown prince, Xie Lian was of course entitled to a first-place finish; however, he was quite determined to earn this placement legitimately instead of relying on his bodyguards’ undeniable talents…

…and this, unfortunately, had the side effect of giving his bodyguards more free time to fight with each other. (Although they seemed to always make time for it regardless of the situation.)

“We only have an hour’s worth of daylight left,” Xie Lian stated. He stuck his empty sword sheath between Feng Xin and Mu Qing, trying to separate them as one would two fighting cats with a broomstick. “Then we’ll need to be more on guard. I’d like to keep our lead and not be stuck playing catchup tomorrow.”

Finally, Xie Lian managed to pry the two of them apart. Grumbling, they stood up, dusting themselves off and rubbing their sore jaws and shoulders.

“With all due respect, His Highness’ lead is such that it would take more than a single idle night for others to catch up,” Feng Xin said.

“We could very well spend the rest of this joke of an expedition drinking ourselves to death in a ditch and still comfortably hold the top placement,” Mu Qing added, with no small amount of disdain. “Even with an entire damn fleet of soldiers doing all the work for them, these nobles still manage to be useless leeches.”

“A harsh statement,” Xie Lian chided. “An insult to the hardworking leeches in the medical field.”

A horrible shriek rang out through the trees.

“From the southeast,” Feng Xin stated with confidence.

“Southwest,” Mu Qing corrected.

“Split the difference,” Xie Lian confidently declared; setting southward before Feng Xin and Mu Qing started brawling again.

It wasn’t hard to find their target – its continued shrieking and cursing were like a guiding beacon. Initially, the noise sounded inhuman enough for Xie Lian to assume they would be closing in on another demon target. However, as they got closer, it was clear they were dealing with something a little more…familiar, but no less foul.

“FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING RANCID MANGY SHIT I’LL FUCKING SKIN YOU WHILE YOU’RE STILL ALIVE AND FUCKING CRUSH THAT FUCKING SKULL AND—”

“Qi Rong!” Xie Lian barked. “Where is your entourage?”

Qi Rong was madly chopping at the base of a tree, wielding his gilded sword like a woodsman’s axe. Having finally turned fifteen, he’d begged and screamed and demanded to accompany his much-adored cousin Xie Lian on the Imperial Hunt this year, which was an outing that required a sword on one’s person. Reluctantly, Xie Lian’s father had bestowed upon him a fine golden blade, with the strict guidelines that he was not to wield it against anything but the beasts of the hunt, and that he would not leave the accompaniment of the soldiers assigned to protect him. These guidelines went out the window the moment Qi Rong had the sword in hand, and within half a day he was swaggering through the palace halls like an accomplished general, terrorizing servants and wielding the sword against rogue porcelain vases with all the finesse of a child with a stick.

Xie Lian had put a stop to his nonsense, but his father seemed to have no interest in disciplining Qi Rong further, or revoking the privilege of attending the hunt. His royal status gave him a right to attend regardless, he’d said, but the truth of the matter was that he simply did not feel it was worth the effort to bother. The tantrum at having his much-desired invitation snatched away would have resulted in far more than just a few shattered vases.

Xie Lian strode, chin high, to interrupt Qi Rong’s assault on the tree’s roots. He snatched the blade between two fingers as Qi Rong raised it once more, and effortlessly yanked it out of his cousin’s grip. He tossed the gaudy golden thing behind him, hearing it stick into the ground well out of reach. Qi Rong sputtered in wordless rage.

“Explain yourself,” Xie Lian said.

Qi Rong tried to dart away to reclaim his sword, but a battle against Xie Lian’s reflexes was destined to failure. Xie Lian grabbed him by the back of his robes and held him in place.

“Ow ow ow ow! Cousin crown prince!” Qi Rong wailed. “I wanted to hunt monsters too!! Those stupid meatheads just wanted to march around and shoot arrows at targets, and they wouldn’t even let me do anything when we did find a monster! I could’ve did it like you and chopped off its legs, then gone in and start stabbing right into its vital points—”

Qi Rong had never been trained with a sword for the same reason one would not strap knives to the limbs of a rabid beast. (Even if he had been given training, he surely would have skipped all his lessons like he did with every other topic.) The idea of him being able to emulate Xie Lian’s feats was laughable.

“And this explains why you’re here, chopping firewood?” Xie Lian interrupted him before he could go on with his violent fantasies any longer.

Qi Rong made a noise like a hot tea kettle, and he pointed accusingly at a little recess underneath the tree’s roots. It was small, too small for anything larger than a small animal to hide – all the beasts and monsters and demons gathered for the Imperial Hunt were chosen for their massive size. It was, after all, much more exciting to fell a giant creature, and made for more impressive trophies and commemorative prints after the fact.

“That thing was stealing our rations!” Qi Rong hissed. “I kicked it away and it made this awful fucking noise, like some screaming woman, so I know it’s not really what it looks like, so I ran after it and it fucking hid down there before I could kill it…”

Xie Lian gestured, and Feng Xin and Mu Qing came over to supervise Qi Rong while Xie Lian investigated. He knelt to the forest floor, his heavy silk robes spreading around him like a flower; white and red and gold. The sun was setting behind him, bathing him in a heavenly glow. He peered into the little root hideaway, and saw the “monster”: a small, injured, terrified little fox. Wholly ordinary, wholly innocent. Its great dark eye focused on Xie Lian’s face; intense and unblinking, despite the halo of the sun surrounding him.

“It’s alright,” Xie Lian said softly. “You’re safe now.”

He extended a hand to the poor creature, trying to beckon it out. Xie Lian, for all his martial prowess, was a spoiled prince who lived in a golden palace – even if this wasn’t some dangerous monster as his cousin insisted, Xie Lian was heedless of the danger of trying to befriend a wounded wild animal. All he knew was simple compassion for an innocent creature in desperate need of kindness.

“Cousin crown prince!” howled Qi Rong. “Don’t! It’s a fucking monster, it bit the shit out of my hands and kept screaming like some bitch getting slapped around—”

“It’s a fox,” Xie Lian shot back. “And what did you expect him to do when you were trying to kill him?”

Xie Lian felt a tiny exhale of breath against his hand, and looked back to see that the fox had crept forward from its hiding place to delicately sniff Xie Lian’s hand. Xie Lian’s heart sank as he took in the poor thing’s condition. It was small, so small that it couldn’t yet be fully grown, and so emaciated that Xie Lian could clearly count its ribs through its filthy matted coat. Blood, both fresh and long-dried, was caked on its fur. A deep cut over its right eye had left the organ so damaged that it was wholly red and almost certainly blind. It clearly had been on its own for some time, with no mother to help it hunt, or keep its fur tidy, or defend it against those who meant it harm.

As far as Xie Lian was concerned, there was only one course of action.

“We’re going back to my tent,” Xie Lian declared. “Mu Qing, please run ahead and tell the royal physicians to draw a medicinal bath and bring supplies. Have the chefs bring in some meat and milk as well. Oh, and get some fresh linens to make bedding with.”

Mu Qing stared. “…it’s a fox.”

“It’s a fucking monster!” Qi Rong hysterically insisted.

“I don’t like repeating myself,” Xie Lian said firmly. “Feng Xin, accompany Qi Rong back to his entourage. I’ll need to rush back to the tent to get him treated once I coax him out.”

“…it’s a fox…” Feng Xin echoed, helplessly, but he’d known Xie Lian long enough to understand when his mind was made up.

With his two bodyguards (and screaming cousin) now gone, Xie Lian was able to devote his full attention to the little creature cowering under the tree’s roots. The fox was still staring at Xie Lian; staring and staring, trembling in every limb, ears plastered back. But not growling, not showing its teeth. That was a good start. Belatedly, Xie Lian remembered the satchel of rations tucked into his sash – dried meat, good for long-lasting energy while on the hunt for creatures of darkness. Xie Lian peeled off a bit of it, and offered it to the little fox.

“Here,” Xie Lian said softly. He took a bite of the portion in his other hand to demonstrate. “Passable as far as camping food goes.”

Hunger was a powerful motivator. The fox inched forward, on trembling limbs, to investigate. It became clear that the fox’s fear wasn’t the only thing slowing its step – from the way it held the limb up, limping along, one of its back legs was clearly badly injured. Broken, perhaps. The creature was battered and trampled all over, with injuries both old and new. Qi Rong could hardly be blamed for all of it. Or even most of it.

Little fox, all alone in the world. Xie Lian’s heart ached.

“I’m sorry. I doubt this foolish hunt of ours has made your life any easier, lately,” Xie Lian said.

It doesn’t look like your life is easy in general, he added silently. It was not something that he saw fit to voice – this creature needed his action, and his compassion, not his pity.

…Even if the fox surely couldn’t understand a word he was saying, regardless…

He gave the fox another strip of meat to eat. The fox swallowed it down, hardly chewing; driven by urgency to get something in its empty stomach.

“I’d like to take you back to my tent,” Xie Lian said. “We have food, and a warm and safe place for you to spend the night. The monsters always more active during the night…”

…as if the fox wasn’t already well aware. Those recent injuries had to have come from something, and it wasn’t all Qi Rong. Xie Lian felt a twinge of guilt. He always thought of the Imperial Hunt as a frivolous waste of time, simply another kind of social gathering for idle nobles, a way for the Xian Le military to showcase its might…but he’d also thought that the only things getting hurt were the monsters the military rounded up into the hunting grounds. It was so unfair, that this little fox – already struggling to survive – had to suffer all the more just so a bunch of nobles could have a pointless romp in the woods. Xie Lian wanted to do what he could to make things right.

He gave the last of his rations to the fox, and, again, offered his hand to sniff. Slowly, hesitantly, as if expecting to be struck at any moment, the fox leaned its little head into Xie Lian’s palm. Its eyes slid shut, and it let out a small breath before going completely still. Xie Lian almost panicked – the fox was in such bad shape that it wouldn’t be surprising if it had just dropped dead before his eyes – but calmed somewhat when he still saw the slow rise and fall of the fox’s chest as it breathed.

Carefully, Xie Lian moved to pick up the little creature. The fox’s eyes flew open at the feeling of Xie Lian’s gentle touch, but it made no move to run (as if it could make it very far) or bite. It simply continued to stare, eyes huge and mismatched, up at Xie Lian as he bundled the creature close to his chest. Xie Lian could feel the quick stuttering of its heart, even through his robes. Such a steady, strong heartbeat. Such a remarkable creature.

“Come on,” Xie Lian said. “Let’s head back.”

 --

 Despite his cantankerous personality, Mu Qing was as excellent a personal assistant as he was a bodyguard, so when Xie Lian entered his royal tent, he was presented with everything he’d requested: a warm bath, food, and three royal physicians who stared at him as he entered. Disbelief was plain on their faces.

“…a fox,” one finally stated.

“Yes,” Xie Lian confirmed. “I am quite sure doctors of your stature can manage to attend to him. If I’m mistaken, however, I’m quite sure there are many army physicians milling about that we could call in to consult.”

Xie Lian knew that they would not dare go against a direct order from the crown prince, but it would perhaps do some good to remind them to take their charge seriously. The physicians rose from their kneeling positions and hurried over to Xie Lian to examine their new patient. Xie Lian carefully studied their faces, looking for any sign of disdain or disgust. He would not hesitate to dismiss any of them if he needed to. This creature deserved to be treated with care and respect.

The fox eyed the doctors warily, and flinched and growled as they poked and prodded him. Xie Lian soothed him:

“It’s alright, it’s alright. Let’s get you cleaned up so they can treat you, and then we’ll have dinner…”

The fox’s eyes had slipped shut again at the sound of Xie Lian’s voice and the gentle touch of his hands, but they flew open again at the sound of fabric slipping to the floor. Xie Lian laughed.

“Don’t worry! I’m just getting undressed so I can get into the tub with you. It’ll be easier for me to wash you that way…”

The fox’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and it began to squirm relentlessly in Xie Lian’s arms. Xie Lian tilted his head curiously.

“…too shy?” he hazarded a guess.

The fox stopped squirming, but couldn’t quite meet Xie Lian’s gaze. Ah well, Xie Lian thought as he walked over to the tub, dressed only in his inner robes. We can do it this way then. It would be easier to do this undressed – I just so hate the feeling of wet sleeves.

After carefully lowering the fox into the warm medicinal bathwater, Xie Lian gestured to Mu Qing, who – not without sighing – came over to help tie up Xie Lian’s voluminous sleeves, baring his snowy-pale skin and firm arms. The fox, still unable to look at Xie Lian’s face, was now equally determined to not look at the arms and hands that came to card through his wet fur.

At every pass of Xie Lian’s hands, the fox flinched less and less. The blood and mud caked to his coat washed away, revealing fur of a most marvelous color – a deep reddish-gold, like the autumn forest surrounding them. One could only imagine how beautiful it would be after a few months of being fed and cared for in the palace. Although Xie Lian’s heart still ached at how thin he was – Xie Lian could distinctly feel the outline of his spine, his ribs, just as he could feel the pounding of the creature’s heart – Xie Lian was relieved to see that his injuries were not quite as bad as they’d originally looked. The medicinal water was already working to heal the fox; wounds knitting shut before his eyes, bones setting into place. The fox’s eyes stayed mismatched, but this really only added to his charm.

“There now,” Xie Lian said. “I’ll get you dried off and we’ll have something to eat.”

The fox shook out his coat, sending a shower of bathwater everywhere. Xie Lian laughed in delight, but Mu Qing wasn’t quite as entertained. With an annoyed grunt, he handled off a towel to Xie Lian’s waiting hands and stormed off to prepare bowls of food, cursing to himself all the way.

“Such a beautiful coat,” Xie Lian praised, and meant it – even though said coat was now pointing every which way, fluffing the fox out enough that he almost looked well-fed. “Like a red maple. I don’t suppose you have a name already? What do you think about ‘Red Maple’?”

The fox stared at him blankly as Xie Lian worked the towel over his fur.

“Hmm. Just ‘Red’, then? That would be more masculine-sounding, I agree…”

“Your Highness,” Mu Qing said. “A thousand apologies for interrupting your conversation with your new associate. Dinner is ready.”

Despite Mu Qing clearly not actually being sorry at all, his feelings on the situation were clear enough; he’d chopped the meat in one of the bowls into small enough pieces that they could be easily chewed, and wet it with milk to help with digestion.

“Your Highness,” Feng Xin said with despair evident in his tone. He’d returned from his harrowing quest to deliver Qi Rong to find this scene before him. “Please, I’m certain the animal can eat on its own…”

Xie Lian had Red settled on his lap, swaddled in blankets, and was hand-feeding him chunks of meat from the bowl. It brought to mind the image of a lady noble doting on a small ornamental dog. Or a mother bird feeding its young. At that thought, Feng Xin had a brief flash of terror that Xie Lian would start chewing food for the creature.

“He’s still recuperating,” Xie Lian stated, his tone brooking no argument. “Once Little Red comes back to the palace with us, he’ll have healed up enough to take his meals normally…”

To the creature’s credit, it was just as shocked at this statement as Feng Xin and Mu Qing were. Its huge eyes stared up at Xie Lian, ignoring the tempting bit of meat offered between Xie Lian’s elegant fingers.

“…back to the palace,” Feng Xin echoed. “Your Highness. With respect, a common wild animal is not a fit companion for someone of your stature…”

“My grandfather had a pet tiger,” Xie Lian said mildly, trying to get Red re-interested in his dinner. “There’s more than enough precedence.”

(As if Xie Lian actually cared about precedence, instead of doing exactly what he had decided upon already and ignoring any arguments to the contrary.)

“I’m certain your noble parents would give you a whole stable of tigers if you wished it,” Feng Xin began, with a very convincing argument on his lips.

“That’s very nice of them. Little Red has proven himself to be far stronger than a stableful of tigers, though,” Xie Lian said, cutting off that argument before it even sprang into existence.

Feng Xin’s jaw gaped, and Mu Qing rose an eyebrow – the two were actually in mutual agreement over something for once, and it was unsurprisingly on the topic of Xie Lian doing something ridiculous. Xie Lian smiled and hoisted Red up under his front legs, lifting him so they could see eye to eye.

“Surviving alone for so long in a den of monsters, armed with nothing but his wits and teeth. Truly, as powerful as any tiger I’ve seen.”

“If a fox is as powerful as a tiger, then the farmers that chase them away from their chickens must be mighty martial gods.” Mu Qing flicked his eyes to Feng Xin’s untouched dinner bowl, and scowled. “Eat before I shove your face in it. I won’t reheat it for you.”

It was rather hard indeed for anyone to tell the crown prince of Xian Le that he wasn’t allowed to do something. And so, the three of them went to bed that night fully expecting to be bringing a furry addition back to the Xie household.

It was very unexpected indeed for Xie Lian to awaken with no ball of red fluff curled against his chest. He looked, and looked; turned his whole tent and the surrounding camp upside-down, sent Feng Xin and Mu Qing and his own self searching in every direction. There was neither hide nor hair of the sweet creature that Xie Lian had sworn to protect.

As the hunt concluded that afternoon, Xie Lian left for the palace with a heavy heart. He hoped that Red would grow and thrive, wherever his paws had carried him.

 --

 The fox was just an ordinary, ugly thing. The fox was not powerful, it was not beautiful. It was a lowly scavenging beast.

But the prince had saved the fox, all the same. The prince had appeared, bathed in golden sunlight, and had treated him gently. He’d eased his pain, he’d held him close. He’d given him a name.

The fox’s heart would belong to the prince forevermore. This was simple fact. But it was true, what that other, lesser human had said. The fox was not a fit companion for the prince.

But the fox had gotten a taste of what it could feel like, if he was. And the fox was so, so greedy.

There was a legend that all foxes knew, deep in their bones. (The fox could not remember anyone having told him, anyway – he only dimly remembered a mother, and perhaps two older siblings. Long dead, in any case. He’d been alone for as long as he could recall.)

The legend was as such: journey to the realm of the Fox God, undertake their trials, and be granted an audience and a wish.

Red knew what he needed to do, if he was ever to be able to return to his prince. He would earn a place at his side. He would make himself into something worth his prince’s compassion.

And so, Red had slipped away into the night, with the cadence of his prince’s heartbeat thrumming in his bones.

[doomdays-a]

tracy is still a human being after her resurrection but like ….   in some ways,  she isn’t a real human being.    she was rewired,  in part by what the dread doctors did to her genetics and in a bigger part by what being dead for a month did to her.    i’ve used this quote for tracy for years now but it’s still one of the most accurate representations of her story:

you don’t get to die and be reborn the same. you come back, but you come back wrong. this is the price you pay for resurrection.

in 5b,  she doesn’t have the thought process a human being should have.   she doesn’t have the emotions a human being should have.    when she was resurrected,    the monster side of her heavily outweighed the human side of her.   i write about this a lot,    but she sees her human self as a weaker version of herself,   and she insists that that girl died when the dread doctors deemed her a failure,    and that that girl is still dead.     she is not that girl anymore.    and in some ways,   she really is right.    there may be a very few select parts of her mind that are still tied to who she was before she died,    but the majority of her is completely new.

she didn’t just “do a 180″ when she was brought back to life.   one girl died,  another girl   (  a monster  )  was risen.     the monster that she started to become in 5a wasn’t her,   and she wasn’t in control of her own actions AT ALL in 5a.    the dread doctors were controlling her.    when she was awake,   she was scared and terrified and unaware of her own actions.    when she was asleep,    the monster in her took over and killed her father,  her psychiatrist,  and attempted to kill natalie  —–    scott’s pack discovered that she was killing the people who were trying to help her,    but frankly,   i think they’re wrong.     she was killing the people who were insisting they were helping but only damaging her mental health more.  and keeping her from being something more powerful than they were letting her be.    they were in her way and refused to see her for what she truly was   (  her father thought her night terrors were  ‘ just dreams,  ‘  and natalie thought they were just  ‘  common anxiety.   ‘  )    these people belittled her,   underestimated her,   and that monster refused to let them get away with it.

in 5b,   she is no longer two separate parts.   before her death,   she was 1) a weak girl and 2) a monster.  but she shed herself of the former when she was brought back to life,    because she was given a second chance at living,  and she was brought back in a way that made her feel needed.    she has always had a desire to feel necessary and to have some sort of purpose but she never had anything to put that into.   her father made it clear he didn’t need her;   he spent most of his nights away from home just to avoid her.  she didn’t have any friends.   she didn’t have anyone.   and she wasn’t good at school nor did she apply herself anywhere else   —–   she felt like a waste of space.   theo looked at her,   deemed her worthy,    gave her a purpose,  and she clung to that.

as the monster she is in 5b,  she doesn’t have a clear understanding of what’s right and what’s wrong and who knows best.    her mind is very,   very twisted.    i’ve said this for years now but there is no saving tracy.    so many characters have tried to ‘ save ‘ her and to bring her into the comfort of better people than theo,  but it isn’t an option.    and i know that frustrates people but you have to understand where her mind is.    there is no way for it to “click” for her.    her mind was literally rewired when she died,    and the darkness of death had such a tight hold on her that there’s no coming back from it.      that’s why i don’t write her as canon divergent  —-   even if theo hadn’t been weakened,  hadn’t had the opportunity to take her power,    she wouldn’t have survived this way.    there’s no way she could.     she wasn’t a person anymore.

theo is the only thing / person that can matter to her,    and not because she’s some lovesick,  obsessed,  childish girl that the fandom likes to make her out to be  —–   but because her mind is wired to believe that he is what she needs,    on such a bigger scale than it appears.    she,  who has sought all her life for a purpose in life,   finally has one.    and it’s not just being theo’s sidekick,    it’s being someone who is strong and capable of getting things done.    that’s why she no longer hesitates to act on things like she did before her death,    why she isn’t afraid to run into fire  ( literally  ) to do something she assumes is going to further theo’s goal.     it isn’t about THEO,   it’s about what he represents   —-   a purpose,  real guidance,   something to live for,   a home.     it’s the idea of theo that she needs.     he’s the master to her kanima,  and i don’t think she ever would have had a chance to fully grasp that concept,    but she had a tie to him immediately.      i see people ooc and ic talk about tracy like she was just a girl with a crush,    but that’s not true and i don’t think other characters would see her that way either.    she didn’t look at him like she was infatuated;   she looked at him like she admired him,   like he was her role model,   because he was.    she respected him.     she can no longer fully comprehend the emotions of a human mind that justify what a crush is because she can’t understand it.     she didn’t want theo as her ‘ boyfriend ‘ because why the fuck would someone care about that after being dead for a month and immediately coming back to a world where her monster side mattered more than her human side,  that felt pointless to her?    she wanted him as her leader.     she respected him as her leader.  

their relationship wasn’t about romance,    and it wasn’t about her having a hopeless crush on him.     that ‘ romance ‘ they shared between them wasn’t at all any of her concern.   she didn’t need it and she absolutely would never have sought it out herself.     she wasn’t hopelessly in love with him nor did she follow him around with puppy dog eyes.   she wasn’t obsessed with making him her boyfriend.     she RESPECTED him.    she saw him as a person in the position of power,   and her newly rewired brain made her believe that he had authority over everything.    because of her lack of guidance   (  and ever chance she tried i.e. with her father,  her psychiatrist,   and natalie brutally leading her astray )   she believed that theo was something she could hold onto and believe in.     the ‘ romance ‘ was just a bonus that neither of them needed.   theo,  because we know that he can’t have those genuine feelings,  and tracy,  because she was perfectly content being his best beta and helping him achieve anything he needed   (  even if it meant dying for him.  )   i say  ‘ romance ‘ in quotes because that’s not an accurate depiction of what they had.    they had a connection,   one that didn’t need to be shared with anything sexual or intimate,  but it was brought there as a way to show their respect for each other.    i know that most people can’t get over their hatred for tracy because they think she was just a dumb obsessed girl so they refuse to believe that she mattered to theo,    but she did.     not in the romantic sense,   and no he couldn’t emotionally care for her or anyone,    but she was the closest he would ever get   (  it’s something @PERFECTEVIL and i discuss all the time,  i don’t mean to hijack a theo hc but  —-  i’m tired of tracy being ran over with disrespect so i have to delve into that too.   )    their connection was in the mind,  not necessarily the heart.   she loved him,    but not in a romantic sense   —-   that romance they shared was purely HIS idea,   her following,    because she respected and cared for him so much that she was happy to follow his lead and believed that was right.    she loved being with him in that sense,    but it wasn’t necessary to either of them.   everything felt right with him.    she finally had a place to belong.   that’s what theo gave her.    it might not have been healthy for her on a broader sense,   but in her mind,   he was exactly what she needed.

her thought process is no longer cohesive with what it had been before she died,   and while in some ways,  theo might have encouraged her ruination,    death itself did most of the work.     characters call her crazy,  out of her mind,  confused,  manipulated,  etc. all the time but you have to understand it’s not entirely coming from theo.    yes,   he definitely manipulated her.   yes, their relationship is extremely toxic  —-  but in the animal world that they’re living in,   that they’re committing their life to above acting as humans,    it’s realistic for them.   it makes sense for them.     characters looking on the outside in should absolutely be afraid of what they’ve created together  /  what they’re capable of together,   and they should absolutely feel sorry for tracy and want her out of there because that girl who died didn’t deserve this.    but also understand that her mind,  being rewired as it is,    doesn’t agree.   she won’t ever agree.   you can’t pull her out of this thought process.    everything in her head is BACKWARDS.    

a few examples:

on ‘ being saved ‘  :   pulling her away from theo will never be seen as something that is saving her.      she is already living with the belief that theo already saved her.    she looks back on her experiences pre-death with people like scott and saw him as trying to keep her from being what she was truly meant to be rather than saving her.    on the outside,    he was trying to save her.     but she can never see it that way because of her preference to her monster side,    and her belief that being a monster is more important than being a human.    theo saved her,   not just because he brought her back to life,    but because he gave her a new reason of living  ( by showing her strength and purpose,   even if it was for the wrong thing.  )

scott’s pack vs. theo’s pack  :     she doesn’t see scott as the good guys,   not just because she is on theo’s side,    but because her mind is so twisted and genuinely believes that what scott’s plans are are what’s going to ruin the world and what theo’s plans are are what’s going to be RIGHT in the world.   it’s entirely backwards,    but it’s not just some cocky / confident attitude she has towards her own pack,  it’s a genuine belief.    what she sees from theo is someone who understands the supernatural world from being a part of it all his life,   someone who knows what’s coming and what he’s going to do with it.    what she sees from scott is someone who thinks he’s going to ‘ save ‘ it by keeping those monsters from being monsters,   like they did with her.     she doesn’t know how to comprehend  ‘ doing good ‘  because in a world where the beast exists,   she doesn’t think being / doing good is going to get anyone anywhere.    a lot of that is influenced by theo because he wants her to believe that his side is the right side,    but given her own experiences with the dread doctors and the beast,   she just doesn’t believe that anyone could know better than theo,   who has lived this all her life.

on packs  :   the previous still applies,   but more than that,   she doesn’t see a pack as a cohesive team working together.     in some ways,   she sees it as a competition,   and she sees it as a service solely towards their alpha and not each other.   she helps the pack when it’s asked of her,   but in most cases,   she prefers only ensuring theo’s safety and doesn’t care for the others.     corey and hayden especially,   she sees as worthless solely because of their in-and-out behavior as they lead towards people of the other pack + different mindsets that collide with theo’s.   and as for josh,   she can stand him to an extent,  but only up to the point he refuses to do what theo says.    once he does that,   he becomes a waste of space in her eyes.    he no longer has a purpose.   what he is useful for,  he refuses to use,   so she doesn’t understand why he should survive.        she can’t comprehend genuinely caring for them because she can see the way they’re all pulling away from alpha,   and for her,   her mind is connected to theo,    so she can’t fathom pulling away from him.    because she believes once she does,   she will have no reason for living either,    and she will be a waste of space.    because right now,   the pack is all that matters to her.    and by pack,    she means theo.     so when liam tries to kill his alpha,    when malia betrays her alpha,    etc.,   she literally can’t fathom why scott wouldn’t kill them.     she just assumes that’s how a pack works,    because it’s what she feels with theo and though he isn’t a  ‘  real alpha ‘  in that sense,    she bases all of that on her own experience.     to her,   beta = someone who protects their alpha.   alpha = someone who makes all decisions.     she will never be able to comprehend scott’s pack because of her lack of experience and understanding with how packs genuinely work.

on survival  :    her own doesn’t matter.    it matters enough in a way that she wants to keep living because she believes her purpose in survival is to protect her alpha.    when theo kills her,    she isn’t upset that she’s dying.    she’s upset that she’s leaving the world and is no longer going to be there to help theo.    but as long as her powers can provide him with the tools he needs to do this on her own,    and as long as his intentions are to achieve his goals,     she’s going to be okay with it.    her survival means nothing if she can’t achieve the one thing she assumes she was brought back to life for.    she’s not living for herself anymore.    she’s living for what she believes is a higher power that is necessary to this world,    and that brings her a purpose she has severely lacked all her life.

it may be extremely difficult for your muse to interact with tracy after her she dies and comes back to life,   but it’s supposed to be.     your muse is supposed to be frustrated with her.     your muse,   if they insist they want to save her,    is supposed to feel stuck and confused on how they can manage that because it’s impossible.     tracy is stubborn,  but more than that,    her mind doesn’t work the same way that most people expect her mind to work because when she died,    that human side of her died too.     those human thoughts,   emotions,   and mentality are hardly part of her anymore.    she’s someone  /  something new,    something that can’t be broken through,     and it’s wrong.    she came back wrong.    that’s why she wouldn’t survive,   even if theo had never killed her.     he didn’t just bring her back to life,   but he was her life.   she was so wrapped up in what she could do for her master  /  her alpha that she had entirely lost herself and who she had been before   —–    but that’s what she WANTED,    because she hated that girl.   when she was weak,  unstable,   passive,    and a nobody,     she hated herself.     theo showed her that she could be more than that,    so she clung to it.    

she’s not a rational human being anymore and she refuses to be the person who was walked all over all her life    (   excluding theo,   whom she genuinely believes is the higher power she needs to believe in for her life to feel worth living.   )   so interacting with her after her resurrection is going to be frustrating,   it’s going to feel like it’s not going anywhere,   but understand that that’s how it’s supposed to feel.    if you try to tell her theo isn’t worth it,   it will be like talking to a brick wall,    because theo isn’t just a person to her.    he’s hope for herself that she can be more than she was,   and he is something for her to believe in and hold onto.     she’s connected to him and given her lack of trust in anyone else,    that can’t be broken.     but do not mistaken her connection to him as her being a lovesick puppy,    because you’re far off.