#is it about a woman who cheats on her boyfriend while he’s gone? yep!

[therighthandofvengeance]

“My shoes are too tight, but it’s okay— I have forgotten how to dance.”

He’s literally doing the Macarena?

[seriouslysnape]

Shattered

__

Draco Malfoy x Astoria Malfoy x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of cheating.

Request: Hi, I was one of the many who requested a one shot.So I wrote that I'd like for you to write an angsty one shot with Draco, Astoria and reader. I heard this sound: So she gets the flowers right? And I got excuses, I got used and shattered." And it stuck with me still 🙈 You can make the end happy or sad. However you like.Thank you 😍💚 @perfect-storm95​

A/N: Well, well, well. This has made me hate Draco for the remainder of the day. Also, I’m gonna throw a little twist into this.

Word Count: 3,714

“All you have to do is say yes.”

__

It took a respectable amount of control to ignore the lurch in your stomach when he put his arm around her shoulder. It took even more restraint to avoid the heat in your throat when he laughed at something that she had spoken. And it took absolutely everything in you to ignore the way your heart ached when he kissed her the way he had once kissed you.

It had been a wild evening for sure, to say the very least. What was supposed to be a lighthearted night full of making fond memories and even more fun, you quickly discovered that you’d be having to face a part of your past that you had yet to come to terms with.

It had been almost three years since the last time you had seen Draco Malfoy. It had been three years since the last straw had been drawn and you left his home in hurt tears. Three years since you had walked out of his life, making a silent vow to never see him again, even if it meant going out of your way to do so.

You never thought you’d reunite quite like this.

Luna Lovegood had always been a dear friend of yours, despite the fact that she was a year younger than you. Her kindness and eccentric nature had appealed to you in the best of ways. The bubbly Ravenclaw girl had blossomed into a wonderful woman, and it overjoyed you to see her beginning this new chapter.

Her wedding was exactly how you had imagined it. It was far from traditional, but it was stunning nonetheless. Luna was a radiant bride, and you were beyond happy for her. Your good mood, however, tanked when you saw the blonde headed man at the reception afterwards. Even though it had been a few years, Draco still looked as he did the night you left him. 

It was a real punch in the gut to see him there, and you were almost convinced  that someone had spiked your drink. You were sure that you were dreaming, or that he was just a weird figment of your imagination. 

He was still tall and lean, and you couldn’t help but allow your eyes to follow the chiseled line of his jaw. He was wearing his nicest, favorite suit that still fit his frame perfectly. His voice was still serious and assertive, and his tone was still as it had always been. Make no mistake, it was still the same Draco Malfoy.

To make matters worse, it hurt like hell to see his arm wrapped around the very woman that caused your breakup. 

You wouldn’t deny that there was bad blood between yourself and Draco. Things had ended on a rotten note and things were never discussed, so it was only natural that there was unspoken tension.

Now, you were sulking at the table just behind theirs, not even interested in the engaging conversation happening around you between friends of yours that you hadn’t seen in quite some time. You just couldn’t seem to look away. It was like if you looked away and then looked back, he wouldn’t be there anymore. However, your silly belief was dismantled when his gaze suddenly caught yours. Yep, he was definitely real and sitting right in front of you.

Because you knew those piercing gray eyes anywhere.

You half expected him to pay you no mind and look away as if he hadn’t seen you at all, maybe even ignore your presence completely. But no, his glance locked with yours for a solid few seconds. Minds racing, hands shaking, hearts beating.

You were actually the first to look away, attempting to shift your attention as if you hadn’t just seen the only man you ever loved after so much time had passed. Even if you had been listening to what was being said around you, you were sure you wouldn’t have been able to hear a thing due to the thump of your heart in your ears. 

A deep blush had tinted Draco’s pale cheeks, and he had yet to look away. Your mind trailed to the woman who was obviously his date, and it was someone you REALLY had hoped you’d never see again. 

Astoria Greengrass was a beautiful woman. She was someone that you couldn’t help but compare yourself to. All the way from her voluminous hair to her impeccably pedicured toes. You had always thought of her to be the model of a picture perfect woman. But you never once thought that she was supposed to be competition for you.

It was a moment that would be permanently burned into your brain. No matter how hard you tried to forget (even going as far to use a spell on yourself) it still made its way back to you. It was a sickening sight, walking into your shared home with your boyfriend of 6 years to find him in bed with someone that had been under your nose the entire time. 

It was a massive blow to your pride, trust, and your heart. Draco had pleaded with and begged you to forgive him and to let it go. In between your screams and cries, he promised that things could work out and that things could be the way they were before.

You had magic for a reason, and he could easily obliviate all three of you and no one would ever know. But he knew how dishonest that would be. And you hated dishonesty.

Astoria had ducked out of the house just when your fight was getting started, which was good for her because you were sure you would’ve done something you might regret later. You and Draco had fought for hours. So long that your throats had gone raw from all the yelling and your eyes were almost puffed shut from all the tears. You had told him it was over in a burst of anger and hurt, and left him alone in your bedroom almost falling to pieces.

And that was the last time you had seen Draco Malfoy.

His presence hadn’t totally disappeared from your life. His name popped up in conversations from time to time, and you’d often stumble upon pictures of the two of you during happier times. But what you had not realized until seeing him again was that he had not once left the safety of your heart.

You were still in love with Draco Malfoy.

Your experience at Luna’s wedding had taken a full turn, and now you found yourself incredibly uncomfortable. You shouldn’t have been so surprised that he was there. Luna and Rolf had invited just about anyone they had ever been in contact with. Still, it was throwing you for a loop that Draco was sitting right in front of you.

It was the beautiful, gentle music that began to play overhead that finally snapped you out of your daze. Along with Luna and her newly wed husband, a few couples had broken away from their designated tables to slow dance on the dance floor of the reception. It didn’t take long for the floor to be crowded with people.

As hard as you tried, you couldn’t fight the urge to let your eyes flicker back to Draco. It was almost like an instinct. It was a natural behavioral thing that was still as sharp as ever. 

He wasn’t looking at you anymore, but his eyes were fixed on Astoria, who he had guided up from her seat and taken by the hand. A hot boiling sensation was building up in your gut at the sight of him leading her to the floor as well, holding her close and swaying with her to the comfort of the music. It wasn’t long before you were out on the floor as well, being spun around carefully by Blaise Zabini, whom you had been friends with throughout your years at Hogwarts. But your attention was far from Blaise.

Jealousy ran rampant through your core as you watched the way Draco’s hand rested on the small of Astoria’s back, his fingertips dancing across her. He looked down slightly into her dazzling eyes, a smile appearing on his face that was nothing short of lovestruck.

He had once danced with you like that. He had once held you like that. He had once looked at you like that. Granted, the situation usually involved the two of you alone in your living room under nothing but candlelight and music from one of your favorite shared records. But those were the moments that had always stuck with you.

The times where nothing else mattered but being together. The moments where the two of you felt like the only people in the world. When loving each other unconditionally was the only thing you ever wanted to do. Perhaps that was the hardest part of it all. The fact that you never knew where things went wrong. Your perfect relationship had crashed and burned unexpectedly with little explanations to why Draco decided that suddenly you weren’t enough. 

Draco caught you staring for the second time, his focus visibly moving from the woman that was currently in his arms. He had this look of uncertainty in his expression, but as if he had already made his mind up. Before you could process anything that was happening, Draco broke away from Astoria, and he was standing next to you and Blaise.

“Mind if I take [Y/N] from you, Blaise?” Draco smiled radiantly at his old friend.

Your stomach hit your shoes seemingly. Blaise smirked, still as coy as always. 

“Only if I can have a dance with your lady.” He grinned.

Draco chuckled lowly, allowing Blaise to take Astoria for a while. Despite everyone maneuvering around you, you felt like you were standing alone with Draco. You could only look at him, words failing to form. His hand trembled faintly as he held it out to you.

“Care to dance?” He offered.

Your head was screaming no, but your heart was screaming yes. You weren’t sure if this was a good idea or not, considering you weren’t sure what this was all about. But as always, your heart’s desires won out.

“Sure.” You replied meekly. 

A million fireworks exploded through you when his hand touched yours, pulling you in to him. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, his hands resting on your back the way they had with Astoria. He stroked your skin through the material of your dress, as lovingly as he had all the times before. 

You were equal parts frustrated and desperate. Frustrated with yourself for still longing for him and missing him after all this time. Desperate for things to be the way they were before.

“You look wonderful.” He spoke quietly, careful not to disturb the peace of the atmosphere.

Oh, his voice. It was still deep and husky, but full of thought. It sent shivers down your spine that you hoped he couldn’t feel with his hand resting there.

“So do you.” You responded, wishing your heart would slow just long enough to get a hold of yourself.

He continued to hold you flush to him, taking in the scent of that same perfume you always wore. It flooded him with memories and remembrance. 

Truth be told, you knew all along that you couldn’t get away with never seeing Draco again. Even if you hadn’t been together for quite some time, your circle was just too close to successfully dodge him forever. But this was not at all how you thought it would go.

If you were being completely honest, you thought you’d casually run into him in Diagon Alley or somewhere that you went often. You always imagined that you’d spot him from across the room and be filled with such a rage that you’d be too angry to speak to him or would explode into a huge fight scene. You’d storm out without ever trying to make real contact with him, and you’d try your hardest to go back to living as normally as possible. This was far from what you had ever dreamed of. 

And you weren’t as angry as you always thought you’d be. Admittedly, there was still a pit of fury from the fact of his infidelity. But there was another feeling that seemed to wash that pit out completely. You weren’t angry at all really. 

You were sad.

“How have you been?” He asked, stepping in sync with you to the music.

“Staying busy with work. How about you?”

You were a little shocked when he didn’t burst into rambles about everything you had missed out on in the last few years. Instead, he only shrugged as if he wasn’t too impressed with himself.

“I’ve been good. Mother and Father still ask about you.” He answered.

A quick glimmer of joy beamed on your face. Draco’s heart leapt with thrill.

“Do they? Oh, how are they, Dray?” You asked with eagerness to hear about his parents well-being, not even realizing the use of his nickname.

His heart swelled.

“They’re the same as always.” He replied.

You nodded briefly, changing the subject.

“That’s good,” You prompted, only continuing once nothing else was said; “It’s been a while.”

“It has. I’m happy you’re doing well.” Draco answered.

You had been trying to ignore it, but the cold metal of his ring was prevalent through your dress, and it told you everything you needed to know. 

“So, you’re married now, huh?” You wondered aloud.

The blush returned to his cheeks, and he sucked in a breath.

“Yeah. Almost a year now,” He confirmed; “You?” 

A flush of embarrassment and dread flooded your body. You didn’t want to have to tell him that you hadn’t moved on when he clearly had. It wasn’t that you hadn’t tried to meet and find someone new. A few boyfriends had come and gone since Draco, and while they were all great, none of them had captured your heart. Even if it had felt like it at times, the world didn’t stop spinning the night you left Draco Malfoy, so you knew there was someone else out there.

You just wished they’d come sooner rather than later.

“No, not yet. I suppose that I haven’t found the one yet.” You said in a way that was unintentionally hurtful, but still left a sting in both yours and Draco’s chest.

It felt like a lie to say that. You had convinced yourself that Draco was “the one” long ago. From time to time, you still thought that. Draco himself would confess that he had felt the same way about you. Spending forever with you was all he had ever wanted. Getting married, having kids, and falling more and more in love everyday.

He’d never forgive himself for messing all of that up.

Silence grew between the two of you. Something that never would’ve happened if the two of you were still together. You and Draco had never run out of things to talk about.

You remembered all the nights that he made love to you until neither of you could hold yourselves up. How could you forget the way he cherished every part of you as if it were crafted by the highest hand?

You recalled the way you craved his touch and how he could have you in a puddly, whining mess underneath his hands within mere seconds. You missed his touch. You missed all those times.

You missed him.

Now here you were. Like two total strangers who knew everything about each other. It was heartbreaking.

“I think about you. A lot.” Draco abruptly professed, his voice even quieter on the off chance that Astoria and Blaise might come back waltzing by.

Something you could only describe as pure shock blindsided you. You certainly weren’t expecting THAT at all. As much as you wanted to fling yourself at him, you knew this was wrong. Your head shook, feeling as if it weighed like a ton of bricks.

“Stop.” You meant to say as a stern instruction, but it came out more as a pleading whisper.

He chuckled at himself incredulously, not acknowledging your beg.

“It’s the truth,” He remarked; “You know, I thought that marrying Astoria would fix me. I thought it was going to fill the piece of my life that was missing.”

Your head was still rocketing off flight responses. Every neuron howling at you to stop listening. To ignore. To get over it. To forget. But you wouldn’t.

You couldn’t.

“But I was wrong. I was so wrong. It took me far too long to realize that you’re the only thing that could ever fill that missing piece. You complete that picture,” He explained; “You complete me.”

It was near impossible not to listen to what he was saying. If your heart were beating any harder then it would surely explode. Your eyes were shining with tears that you had been holding back for far too long.

“Draco, I...” You trailed off, your voice quivering.

“Shh. Don’t cry, my pretty girl,” He hushed; “I can leave her, you know. Astoria will never be what you were. I know it, and she knows it. She’ll never say that though.”

It seemed that you were growing more stunned with each word that fell from his lips. He was offering to leave his wife for you. He was more than willing to just drop everything for you. It was a lot to consider...but you weren’t exactly leaping at his invitation.

“We can start over. Just you and me. We can be everything we were before,” He said, leaning in to where his lips were just barely brushing your ear; “All you have to do is say yes.”

It was a hell of a tempting offer. You had a chance to go back to him, to make up for all the time that you lost. You could make more of those amazing memories that you held so close to you.

You could have a life with Draco once again.

As much as you wanted to cave and give him everything you possibly could, there was something that was stopping you from giving in to him. Because even though you had this chance, you knew that it would never be like it was before.

“I can’t.” You hushed out.

You could feel Draco’s heart sink. Now tears were brimming his own eyes, blearing his vision and causing a lump in his throat.

“Please, darling...” He begged; “Why not?”

You shook your head again, holding your breath to stop your own tears from falling down your cheeks. It was killing you to do this, but you knew it was the right thing.

No matter how bad it hurt.

“Because you and I both know it won’t be like it was before. No matter how many times we try to start over,” You told him; “You broke my trust. You broke my heart, Draco. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for what you did.”

Determination and desperation flashed over his features.

“It was a mistake. A horrible, stupid mistake that I know for a fact that I never would’ve let happen again if you had stayed.” He pleaded.

You swallowed hard, forcing a sob back down.

“And if I had stayed, I’d never be able to go a day without wondering if that’s actually true.” You recanted.

Draco was shattered. He felt like he had been broken into millions of tiny bits that were thrown across the world.

Now he truly knew how you had felt since you left him.

“[Y/N], I-“ He went to say but was cut off.

“I’m sorry, Draco.” You apologized, eyeing Astoria and Blaise beginning to dance their way over to the two of you.

A single tear slipped from Draco’s left eye, the tear rolling down all the way to his jaw. The fate he had feared the most had just come true.

He had just lost his forever. And there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

All he could do was make sure he bared the rest of his heart to the woman he loved the most.

“I love you.” Draco proclaimed.

One of your hands came to cup his face, his head lulling in your soft touch.

“I love you, Draco.”

Before anything else could be said, Astoria and Blaise were at your side. She looked at Draco and back to you, you weren’t sure what it was, but she almost looked as if she knew everything that had just been said.

Without another word, you and Draco stopped dancing. Your arms fell from around him and his hold loosened so you could step away. Astoria’s hand rested on Draco’s shoulder as if to usher him away, but his hands were still holding yours.

His icy eyes looked into yours, as if to silently ask you once more if you would come with him. The look in your eyes told him that your mind was made up. You backed away from him, his fingertips only falling from yours once you were far enough away that he physically couldn’t reach you anymore.

Astoria whisked him away once you were out of their space. Both of you feeling much more empty than before. The rest of the night was much quieter for you. You kept to yourself, feeling as if you had been gutted completely.

And that was the last time you saw Draco Malfoy.

Your first wish of never wanting to see him again came true after that night. You never saw or heard from him again. You constantly found yourself wondering how things turned out for him. You wondered if he stayed with Astoria. You wondered if they had kids. You wondered if they spent forever together.

You wondered if they did all the things that you and Draco were supposed to do.

Your heart never fully moved on from Draco. And his never moved on from you. It was a reality you were never able to come to terms with, but there was one truth that you became all too familiar with.

Sometimes there just are no happy endings.

[quickspinner]

Lukanette petty 👀👀👀 you have so many ideas!! I'm so impressed!!

To be fair these have been accumulating for more than a year at this point. I do have a lot of random things pop into my head though so you can see why I have to set some aside (or infect others with them--nothing is sweeter to my eyes than someone in the discord going DAMMIT QUICK). 

Anyway, I think I wrote this one while I was working on Killer Combo and thinking about Luka’s ex in the band. I also take great joy in the HC that Luka is secretly petty. Not one to really get upset over things, but that doesn’t mean he forgets, and if he has an opportunity to take revenge in a small way, he absolutely will. 

Anyway, the idea is pretty fully encapsulated here, but I thought, if I wanted to publish it and get it to be something I was really happy with, I’d have to spend a lot more time on the buildup instead of just summarizing, so that we’re a bit more in the moment with the characters by the time we get to this place. I don’t really feel like it works all that well as it is, and I didn’t have enough motivation to go back and fix it with so many other things I was trying to work on, so I shelved it.

No one would ever accuse Marinette Dupain-Cheng of having good timing. She was always just a little bit off, and it had never stung more than in her relationship with Luka. The phrase ‘two ships passing in the night’ came to mind, except they were more like two drunken skippers doing erratic circles in a pond in the dark, and never quite managing to meet up. Just as she got over her crush, he found a new one, and broke up with her about a month after Marinette had started dating someone new. Somehow their friendship had survived it all, those buried feelings resurfacing for one or the other at all the wrong moments.

And now here they were, both single, and still not able to find the right time. Luka was coming off of a bad breakup with a girl who had left him for a bandmate—without bothering to tell him until she’d been sleeping with said bandmate for nearly a month. 

Luka had been hurt badly, though he was oddly philosophical about the whole thing. He told Marinette once that it wasn’t losing her as a person that hurt, because clearly the person he thought she was was just a fantasy, or she’d never have done something like that. It was having his trust broken by both a friend and a lover that really hurt him. 

Marinette, who’d been single for some time, after a string of boyfriends who weren’t bad but who just weren’t quite right either, had been quietly devastated when he said he was taking a break from dating for a while. A break which, he made subtly clear, included her. Despite knowing he was right, it took the added knowledge that Luka believed very strongly in honoring others’ choices to keep Marinete from throwing a very immature tantrum at her bad luck. She closed her mouth and smiled the best she could, doubting very much she was fooling him. 

Finally they were joking around one day, slightly buzzed on beer and hot wings, being egged on by his sister and her friends, and things were said, and somehow it ended in an agreement, only half-joking, that Luka would forgo his relationship hiatus and date her if she could convince him to kiss her in the next week. 

And despite the joking tone, Marinette had done her best.

Now the week was nearing its close, and Marinette found Luka sitting on the steps outside of a party, a nearly-full beer bottle dangling from his fingers.

“Hey,” she said, sitting next to him. 

“Hi,” Luka said, setting the bottle on the step next to him. 

“Sick of the party?” she asked sympathetically.

“Sick of a lot of things,” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Marinette pulled his hands away and smoothed his locks down with her own. “Marinette,” he sighed, as she was distracted by the sight of something behind him—or rather someone walking up the sidewalk in a tight dress, no cheating band member friend in sight. “Look, you know I usually don’t mind this whole game but I’m really not in the mood tonight.” Marinette refocused on him, and realized her hands were on his face, her thumb caressing his cheek absently, and let them slide away as an idea formed in her mind. 

“I’ll tell you what,” she said. “If it doesn’t work this time, I’ll stop trying.” She slid closer to him on the step and looked up at him tilting her head to let her hair fall just so and fluttering her lashes teasingly. He raised his eyebrows slightly, but couldn’t help a grin at her silliness.

“Okay,” he sighed, “Give it your best shot.” 

“Okay.” Marinette leaned up into his space. “Then I have just a couple things to say and if you still don’t want to kiss me, I’ll leave you alone.” 

“I’m listening,” he murmured, and the softness in his eyes was encouraging.  

“First, I really, really want to kiss you,” Marinette said, watching him swallow as his eyes drop to her mouth at the words. “And second,” she purred, leaning even closer to whisper, “Your ex is watching.”

His head twitched like he wanted to turn and look, but Marinette knew he wouldn’t. Luka was a chill, mature guy, but there was a lot about him that not many people knew. There was a lot about him that people seemed unwilling to believe because it didn’t fit into their idea of the person he was, no matter how much evidence they were presented with.

But Marinette had known Luka for a long time, had loved him for a long time, and this was something she knew with absolute certainty. 

Luka Couffaine was petty. 

Given her choice, Marinette wouldn’t have used that against him. She’d rather have had their first kiss untainted by any thought of that woman, but desperate times called for desperate measures and…let’s be honest, she was more than willing to dole out a little payback herself. 

So when Luka tilted his head and kissed her, she didn’t quibble, just put her arms around his neck and buried her hands in his hair, parting her lips and letting him take his revenge in whatever way he saw fit.

Marinette certainly wasn’t complaining. 

“Is she still there?” Luka panted against her lips. 

“Yep,” Marinette giggled, rubbing her nose against his. “And the look on her face is priceless.” 

Luka whined slightly. “God I wish I could see it.” 

“Whatever makes you happy,” Marinette grinned, sliding into his lap and tugging his face to hers for a soft kiss. When she released him, he was looking right at his ex beyond her ear. Marinette tilted her head invitingly and Luka lowered his mouth to her neck, muffling his laugh against her skin.

“I think she’s turning purple,” he murmured, and then nipped her skin. “You don’t play fair, Marinette, but I can’t even be mad about it. How about dinner tomorrow?” 

“Deal,” Marinette said breathlessly, gasping as he began to suck at her pulse. “It’s a date.” 

“She’s coming,” Luka murmured, and nearly ruined everything by laughing as Marinette let out a loud, indecent moan while a pair of heels clomped loudly up the step next to them. “You’re the best,” Luka managed, lifting his face to kiss her on the mouth again. 

“She’s gone,” Marinette reminded him.

“Does that mean I have to stop?” Luka asked, nibbling on her lower lip.

“Do you...want to stop?” Marinette asked, pulling back to look at him.

“No, not really,” he sighed. “I still don’t think this is the healthiest start for a relationship, but...I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, I really don’t want to stop.” 

“Okay,” Marinette said, a grin spreading across her face. “Then you don’t have to stop, as long as I don’t have to stop either.” 

“Deal,” Luka agreed, and their mouths crashed together.

Scratchpad WIPs request list

[vventure]

Liar - Atsumu Miya Must Die, Ch. 2

Series Mini Mlist: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Pairing: Atsumu Miya x fem!reader

Genre: Angst (only lightly this part), Fluff

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: cheating, small spoiler for post time-skip manga

Summary: Atsumu Miya is a player; dating three girls from three different friend groups so they don’t find out. What happens when they do, though? And how does [Y/N] play into their plan for ultimate revenge?

A/N: Apologies on this taking so long to come out. I hope you like this next part. You’ll get to meet Osamu, and it gives you a little insight into what’s to come in the next chapters. Atsumu’s character is kind of assassinated this chapter, sorry sjfddfkjk

Taglist: @for-ests​ @miyulovestowrite​ @letmeshouyou​  @babyboytsutomu​ @captain-shittykawa​ @writeiolite​ @lunarknox​ @heccingdead​ - let me know if you’d like to be added (or taken off)!!

Last Time:

“[Y/N]?” Ami’s voice drifted through the open door as she looked for you. “We’re gonna go get something to eat now, actually. Riku is hungry and I think I am too.”

She thinks she is? You rolled over and sat up to look at her.

“Y’know, Riku seems really nice. I don’t think you have to, like, change yourself for him or whatever you usually do for the guys you date,” you said while swinging your legs over the edge of the bed to stand.

Ami just rolled her eyes and rejoined Riku in the living room. You were fast on her heels, slipping out of your house shoes and putting on your sneakers.

“Alright!” Riku said with a smile. “Let’s go get onigiri!”

The walk to the onigiri shop from the apartment was short, but lovely. Tall buildings had the slim, asphalt street surrounded and the paved sidewalks were bustling with life. You passed by food stands and flower shops as well as manga cafes and bookstores, each location giving off a leisurely and homey vibe.

Ami and Riku walked hand-in-hand in front of you, Ami pointing to various locations with a whispered comment that only Riku could hear. They were making you the third wheel, but as long as you got a tasty meal out of it you could deal with them.

The bell on the door jingled brightly as Riku held it open for you and Ami, a satisfied smile gracing his face. A tall man with black ruffled hair who appeared to be around your age was reading a little from a newspaper when you walked in, but immediately dropped his leisure activity as he took in the new customers. 

“Welcome to Onigiri Miya,” he spoke, a smile spreading easily across his face. “Good to see ya again, Riku!”

“Hey there, Osamu,” Riku responded with a small wave, striding across the length of floor between the front door and the counter where the guy stood. The guy Riku called Osamu produced three paper menus, passing them to your sister’s boyfriend.

“Who ya got with you? I’ve only ever seen you come alone,” Osamu queried, his eyebrow raised in genuine interest.

“Oh, this is my girlfriend Ami, and her sister [Y/N], they just moved down here. Ami is living with me and [Y/N] just transferred to the local university.”

“Pleasure to meet ya, Ami and [Y/N],” Osamu said, his eyes lingering on you. He spoke with a distinct accent that you found rather endearing. “By the way, Riku, do you know anyone that’s lookin’ for a job? I need to hire another assistant.”

“Hmm,” Riku said, gripping his chin. “Not off the top of my head, but I’ll ask around.”

“There’s a reason you’re my favorite customer.”

Riku stepped from the counter and gestured to one of the four-seater tables in the main area of the restaurant where the trio sat and peered at their menus.

“So, you come to this restaurant often?” Ami asked Riku, barely looking at her menu. 

“Yeah, it opened a little while ago and I like supporting the small businesses in walking distance. Osamu is a good kid. He’s actually 21, just like you [Y/N].”

“This is a big responsibility for a 21-year-old to handle on their own,” Ami said, looking over her shoulder at the young man who was now making sure all of his various ingredients were in order.

“He has help,” Riku said, closing his menu and placing it onto the laminated surface of the small table. “He’s got Chika, who’s a little older than he is and helps with cooking and the books, and he also has his twin brother Atsumu. His brother is in college, though, maybe that’s why he needs new help.”

“You should apply, [Y/N],” Ami said, setting her menu on top of Riku’s. “It’d be nice for you to have a little extra money for booze and stuff.”

“Ami,” you whispered, narrowing your eyes at her. Yet again, your sister’s brain was acting on whims, and this time she was directing them at you.

“I’m not wrong.”

“It could be a good way for you to meet new people, it’s really close to campus so a lot of university students come here for a cheap meal,” Riku interjected.

“Booze money and friends!” Ami said, clapping her hands together. You rolled your eyes at the double-team assault on this matter, but they did have a point. Having extra cash in uni was helpful and it could expose you to a lot of people you’d never get the chance to meet normally.

“I guess you’re right, I’ll ask him,” you said with a huff. “What do you guys want to eat? I’ll order while I’m asking for an application.”

You swept the menus into your hand after taking their order down mentally and walked over to Osamu, handing him the small stack of pamphlets.

“What can I get ya?”

“Can we have two salmon and a minced chicken onigiri, please?”

“You got it,” he responded, writing it down on a little pad of paper. “Anything else?”

“Uh, yeah,” you said, smiling sheepishly. “Can I have an application?”

“I don’t really have a formal application, and I’m guessing you don’t have a resume on ya,” he said, giving you a little smile. You shrugged and showed him your empty hands in response. “Well, then lemme take down your number and I’ll give ya a call for an interview. You can bring your resume then.”

“Okay, cool,” you said, taking the pad of paper out of his hand and jotting down your digits.

“Your order number is 22, I’ll give you a shout when your food is ready.”

--

Osamu called you the next day to ask you to an interview. On the way out of the restaurant that night Riku had lagged behind, putting in a good word for you so that when you got to the interview with the young entrepreneur it was more of an orientation than anything else. He provided you with an apron and baseball cap and started in on teaching you how to make each of the onigiri on the menu. 

It wasn’t expected that you’d know what you were doing right away, so in the following days he made sure to put you on the schedule with either he or Chika. This type of partnering saddled you with bussing tables and checking on customers while they were eating, which you were more than happy to do. 

You got to know Osamu pretty well, but really bonded with Chika. She was older than you were, but she’d gone to university at the same school you’d be moving into at the end of the week. Her insights into the school--such as quirks about your dorm building’s location and what food was best--were invaluable and you were thankful that you’d gotten to spend so much time with her.

The week between moving to Hyogo and starting university flew by with your new job, as Osamu put you on the schedule almost daily to free himself up to do paperwork and budgeting for the flourishing establishment. 

It was midday on the eve of moving into your dorm, and Onigiri Miya was quiet. Chika was playing on her cell phone as you read from the book you’d been trying to finish before school started when the chime on the door rang to announce the entrance of a customer.

You looked up from your position behind the counter with a smile, but had to do a double take when you examined who’d entered. The guy looked exactly like Osamu, but his hair was bleached blond and he had a girl dressed in a tight-fitting tracksuit attached to his hand. 

“Hey, Atsumu,” Chika said, barely looking up from her phone to acknowledge him. 

“What’s up,” the young man said with a wide smirk, pulling a chair out from one of the tables with two seats and offering it to his companion. “You know the usual, right?”

“Yep, coming up,” Chika said, putting her phone in the pocket of her apron and getting started on the food that he’d ordered without even saying what it was. 

Atsumu--it sounded familiar to you, and you wracked your brain to find the solution to your confusion. He looked just like Osamu, hadn’t Riku mentioned a brother? One with that name? 

“Who’s that?” You questioned Chika. She turned and gave you a small chuckle.

“That’s Atsumu, Osamu’s twin brother,” she replied, shaping the onigiri. “And one of his little friends.”

“Twin brother? One of?”

“Yeah, that’s why they look exactly alike, dumbass,” she said, elbowing your side playfully. “And you’ll see what I mean later today.”

You took another glance at the couple seated in the dining room. Atsumu had his hand over his date’s, his eyes fixated lovingly on her as she stared moonily back at him. They made a cute, sporty couple in your eyes.

That image of Atsumu’s infatuation with his obvious girlfriend quickly disappeared when he entered the restaurant for a second time that day, another woman on his arm but this one with a pastel, preppy style. Same order, same interactions between Atsumu and his companion.

“What the hell,” you murmured to Chika, grabbing at her sleeve and gesturing. 

“Help me with this,” was all she said, dismissing your confusion.

The final straw came when Atsumu waltzed through the door for a third and final time that day, 45 minutes before closing. Yet another woman accompanied him, this one different from the last with an adorable teal dress and wedges. You didn’t question it while he was in the business this time, opting to wait until you and Chika were closing to grill her about the situation. 

Stopping your sweeping, you called to Chika, her head popping out from the back room where the dishwasher was.

“I’m guessing you want your answer now,” she said, wiping her hands on a stained white towel before slinging it over her shoulder. “Sit.”

Chika laid down the facts: Atsumu was dating three different girls from three different friend groups. It was a secret to everyone but he and Chika, and now you, that he was doing this. Atsumu would only come to Onigiri Miya when Osamu wasn’t working. 

He was somewhat of an idiot in that respect, and Osamu had caught him with different girls at the establishment before, but the bleached twin had played it off as him seeing different girls every week; something that wasn’t outside of the realm of possibility for the player.

Chika went on to explain that while Atsumu used to work at the onigiri shop for his brother, he had taken time off in order to focus on university and his club volleyball team at the school. He was arrogant and self-centered, and often lied to his brother even about small things. The picture Chika painted was far from flattering.

You sat looking at her during her spiel, your jaw basically on the floor. 

“So, yeah,” she finished. “He’s kind of a mess and a jackass.”

“Thanks for the warning, I’ll try to avoid him.”

“About that,” her smile strained as she spoke her next words: “He’s moving into the same dorm as you tomorrow.”

[sweeethinny]

some time ago I wrote this fic, and today, after listening to some good 100 times this song, I had to write something about it, so I put these stories together and showed Harry's vision, how they ended up meeting (and I know, I say that Harry was a nurse, but I only noticed this after writing almost 2000 thousand words, which means that I am not going to change this new story and just deleted the paragraph that referred to it, thank you very much.)

I do not agree with any act of vandalism

It was a normal Friday at the bar, the same guys from the executive building had come over after the office spoke badly about the boss, the women from the accounting department went to get the portion of shrimp, chips and salad, along with the usual beers, and almost everyone who was there, Harry knew. It was supposed to be a normal Friday.

But then, the door opened and a redhead came in, not the one who worked at the makeup shop on the corner, nor the teacher of the elementary who would marry next week, no, this was a new. She was short, but she wore black high-heeled boots that stuck to her knee, a black pantyhose, a matching skirt and a gray turtleneck sweater, which made her look like she was coming from a funeral. The redhead was one, if not, the most beautiful woman who had ever entered there, with her hair at the height of her breasts, loose and messy from the wind, big brown eyes, and freckles that painted all over her skin.

''Good night'' Her voice reached him, sweet and melodious, she sat at the bar in front of Harry and that alerted her that she could be coming from a funeral, because if it was a date, she wouldn't sit down there. There were deep dark circles that matched the whole sad scene he had created - a habit he had created since opening the place, always trying to guess what each person was doing there - and Harry almost wanted to hug her and offer his condolences. ''The strongest you have''

''Good night’' He tried hard to say, not wanting to look too shocked by her beauty, serving her properly with the strongest whiskey on the shelf ''Some say it makes fire come out of your ears'' He joked, trying to pull it out least a glare from the most listless brown eyes he had ever seen

‘’Is he good at setting someone on fire too?’’ Harry had met some people during his six years working there, and whenever someone started with these chats, he knew that some tragic love story would reach his ears.

‘’I’ve never tested it, but we’ve already used it to flambe one of our desserts and burned the ceiling’’ Even with that, the story that always made someone at least smile a little terrified, the woman remained listless. Harry beckoned Andrew to take his place by attending Andy, the painter who worked on the fifth floor of the building. "Is everything okay?" The redhead drank the entire dose, tapping the glass on the counter and wiping the drop that ran down the corner of her mouth before crossing her arms and looking at all the people around, as if she were envious of every smile that appeared on unknown faces

‘’Have you ever been betrayed?’’ Harry looked at her, picking up the ice and lemons as he continued to work on the drink from table five, trying to buy time to answer it.

‘’Hm ... Not that I know’’ At least none of his ex’s had said anything about it in the end.

''You should be thankful'' He poured another shot when she pushed the glass towards him, and she took it in a few seconds, her cheeks turning as red as her hair ''It sucks'' Her brown eyes shone for a second and Harry prepared to pick up the handkerchiefs he kept nearby, but then they dried up and were so lifeless they looked ashes

‘‘I’m sorry’’ He smiled when Tom took the glass with the freshly brewed drink, and went back to paying attention to her ‘’What is your name? I never saw you around here’’

‘‘Ginny ’’

‘’Harry’’ The pretty redhead stretched out her hand in greeting, forcing a smile

‘’Do you know everyone who shows up here?’’ He shook her cold hand

''Good part, usually people talk about their lives and we end up remembering them'' Ginny nodded, focusing her eyes on the empty glass in front of her and seeming to think about several things at the same time, and if it weren't for Rihana's music playing, Harry thought he could hear the gears working

‘’My boyfriend ... well, ex boyfriend, he came here. Do you know him?'' She opened the photo on her cell phone, showing her next to Michael, smiling from ear to ear as they drank ice cream, and Harry did his best to contain the shock when he saw the man who worked in the tattoo parlor and never left the bar alone. How could anyone betray someone like her?

‘’Huh… Yes. I think we talked at one time or another’’ He omitted, not wanting to delve into the fact that he had introduced Jones to Michael yesterday.

'’It seems that everyone knew that he was cheating on me but they didn't want to tell me. They preferred to make me a clown! My own friends!’’ This time there were tears, and Ginny made no effort to contain them ‘‘I am an idiot’’

''Of course not, they are'' Harry sat on the bench across from her, still on his side of the bar ''Michael didn't deserve you'' Not after going out with more than a year with several girls ( and he didn't think it was a short relationship, due to her sadness) ''You are too beautiful for him'' Ginny finally laughed, a little bitterly, but still a laugh

‘’And who would I be pretty to?’’ Harry shrugged

‘’I don’t know,I don't think there is a guy for work. But if you like women, maybe you’re more lucky’’ She laughed again, sniffling and wiping tears from her sweater sleeve. This time he took the handkerchiefs.

‘’We were together for five years ... Five years and God knows how many betrayals’’ His heart ached, wanting to go back in time and hit that filthy guy in the face ‘’I arrived on a trip and .. surprise! There he was with the barmaid on our sofa’’ Ginny forced a smile, taking the rest of the whiskey and hiding her face with her hands, seeming to cry even more

‘’He’s an idiot, you know that, don’t you?’’

‘’No more than me’’ Harry denied, taking the hands off her pretty face, trying his hardest not to wipe her tears-wet cheeks, or putting the red strands behind her ear, just taking another handkerchief and handing it over

‘‘It is forbidden to self-sabotage in this bar’’ Ginny laughed softly, wiping her wet face and giving little sobs ‘’I won’t let you think shit about you, when he was the one who missed. There was no way for you to know, there are no signs or any indications to let us know that the person is complete shit.’’

‘‘Well, there should be, I’d avoid a few years of being an idiot’’ Harry swallowed, not sure what to say, but then remembering something. He opened the drawer next to it, pulling out a box he had gotten from his mother and was saving for later

‘‘Take one’’ Harry pointed to the untouched chocolates, pulling the lid off and placing it close to her face ‘‘My uncle always says they improve any mood’’

‘’How can I know they’re not poisoned?’’ It was a valid question

‘’Pick one, and I’m going to eat’’ She looked at him, her brown eyes looking more like melted sugar and less like the ash at the bottom of the fireplace. Harry preferred that look, even if smudged with mascara. Ginny pulled out one of the truffles and handed it over, which he ate with common devotion, feeling the incredible taste of cherry liqueur mixed with dark chocolate, all melting in his mouth in the most perfect way. ‘’The best in all of London’’ He smiled ‘’Now, take one’’ And the redhead did it.

‘’Thank you’’ She smiled a little sheepishly, chewing on the truffle that should have been chocolate and pepper, and looking a little calmer than a few minutes ago. At least the hiccups were almost gone. ''I wanted to get back at him'' Maybe it was her beauty, maybe it was the fact that Harry thought he owed her something because he never noticed Michael dating - even if it was impossible, as he said, there were no signs or indicators - but it didn't take long for him to respond;

‘’Do you want help?’’ And so it was that after work, he ended up taking Ginny to a nearby neighborhood to break Michael’s car

‘’Don’t worry, my brother works at the police station and can cover up a case of vandalism. If, Michael has the courage to report, which I doubt’’ She reassured him, sitting in the passenger seat and finishing eating the last chocolate from the box, which he willingly gave her

‘’So, is this it?’’ He parked on the corner, happy that there were no security cameras on the street or the buildings around. The gray car was parked not far away, looking brand new.

‘‘Yep’’ Ginny got out of the car, looking much more angry than when she arrived at the bar, putting on the hoodie that Harry had borrowed and going steadily towards her final destination.

As promised, he followed her, taking care of her back while the redhead did all the destruction with a golf club he kept in the trunk, scratching the shiny paint and murmuring swear words and slightly incoherent phrases

''I once found panties in the back seat'' She said while explaining why the car ''And he told me I was going crazy, that that was my panties'' Ginny rolled her eyes, her cheeks purple "And when I once complained that he spent more time taking care of the car than going out with me, he said, 'it's just that the car doesn't complain so much'".

Harry looked over his shoulder, seeing that she was spilling a jar of old oil, which he had taken out to put in the trash, on the seats and steering wheel, while angry tears fell from her eyes, leaving her much more mascara painted than before.

As soon as she finished, falling in the middle of the street and sobbing in a loud cry, Harry knew he needed to get them out of there before some curious neighbor wanted to know what that noise was, or was going to take out the trash, so he picked her up as if it were the most precious thing in the world, letting Ginny soak his shirt with tears and shaking hands to grab him as if it were the only thing that would protect her at that moment

‘’Why does it still hurt, Harry?’’ Her tone made his chest ache and tighten, placing it inside the car and then leaving the crime scene - could it be called that?.

‘‘I don’t know, Ginny’’ he say sincerely ‘‘Revenge never really comforts, it doesn’t bring anything back’’

‘’He had no right to play with me like that!’’ 

''No''

''I hate him so much'' The sobs echoed back in the car ''I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone again'' Harry looked at her, her hair totally messed up, her face dirty with makeup and red from drink, her eyes swollen crying, and red lips trembling, looking just as vulnerable as Teddy on waking from a nightmare or going 5 minutes without Tonks or Remus around. Harry sighed, saddened that a woman like her was suffering like that for someone so ridiculous and filthy, that he didn't deserve even a hair of her stress. Ginny definitely deserved to be happy and to be loved, and it was a shame that they met at a time like this, because Harry can imagine himself - even if for a second - by her side.

‘’It’s never too long ... There must be someone’’.

[foreverwcnter]

home is where the heart is

pairing — tom holland x reader

warnings — some abuse (one scene), slight angst, fluff.

summary — “when i look at you, i can feel it. i look at you and i’m home” y/n and tom were very close in their teenage years and in love, but when he was cast as spider-man, they split and moved on. years later they meet again.

author’s note — this is for @fairytaleparker and @neverlandparker ‘s disney writing challenge! i love you both so much and i hope you enjoy this so much! this is inspired by the great gatsby.

Years ago, there were two lovers. At fifteen, they went on their first date, holding hands gently, swinging their arms and laughing. There were feeling shared between small glances and small blushes. The first kiss was tense and awkward, but the second was comfortable and sweet. It was like a perfect fairytale, but one without the trials and triumphs. There were no slaying dragons, but they managed to slay any issues coming their way. The relationship was soft, sweet and irreplaceable.

These sweethearts believed they would live a long life together, but of course, the inevitable happened and an issue came between them. They split paths, went their own ways and left history behind them. Years passed and all feelings had been left behind... right?

You were spending your life as a writer while getting an English degree. Life couldn’t be better for you. You had a new boyfriend, and you were living your best life. Everything seemed perfect and was turning out perfectly. You and your boyfriend Marc were on a date going to your favorite cafe in London. 

As you stepped in, you gripped Marc’s hand, smiling to yourself as the aroma of the coffee, tea, and other delicacies flooded the air. You were quick to get in line to order your drinks, still holding hands and standing close to each other. 

“I’ll order for us, your usual right?” Marc smiled.

“Yep! I’ll grab us a table.”

You headed off to the corner booth, taking your seat and your phone out of your pocket, rereading an email your professor sent to you about your most recent essay before you heard a voice you hadn’t heard in a million years.

“Y/n, hey.”

You looked up, setting your phone down only to meet the eyes of your former lover. Tom. Tom stood there in all his glory, his normal stupid smile on his face. it was the same smile and pair of eyes you fell in love with so long ago. You wanted to tear your eyes away from his, but something prevented you. It was like you dove right back into the past, the one where you loved Tom until he moved away so suddenly. You were glad you didn’t hold him back though because he accomplished so much without you there. A tap on your shoulder broke you from your trance, turning to look over at Marc.

“Who is this?” Marc asked, eying Tom.

“Oh,” you paused, standing up by your chair. “Marc, this is Tom my ex-boyfriend and Tom this is Marc, my boyfriend.” 

A flash of hurt and heartbreak was seen in Tom’s hazel brown eyes. He should have expected it. You both had been told to move on after you break up and that's what you did. Tom didn’t though. He’s turned girls down and said he only went on a date with said girls because they reminded him of you and your beautiful face. Tom was still holding onto your hand in his head, but you started holding someone else’s. 

“Good to meet you, Marc,” Tom smiled, shaking your boyfriend’s hand politely. “I see you’re treating her very well, you guys look great together. “ Tom prevented his voice from cracking during those sentences. 

“Thanks, we’ve been very happy this past year and we just got a flat together,” Marc smiled. “Join us for coffee will you?”

Tom nodded and you and Marc sat across from him in the booth. The conversation was slightly awkward and tense, so you all worked around it instead of making it more comfortable. That was until Marc got a call from his office. “Be right there,” he hung up, kissing your cheek. “I’ve got to go, there were some issues at the office.” 

“Bye, love.”

You sighed, watching him walk off and then looking back to Tom. 

“I didn’t expect you to move on, to be honest,” Tom sighed, looking down shamefully. “I never did after all. “

“Tom, I didn’t want to hold you back from such an amazing opportunity. You know there would have been issues if we stayed together all that time. I didn’t want to face those issues at the time,” you explained, looking to Tom with a sad expression. “I didn’t want to stay so attached to a past lover, so I started going out with a few guys, none of them seemed to fit my expectations until I met Marc.” 

Tom took a sip of his tea, frowning to himself. He knew it was stupid to think you still loved him the way you used to. He wasn’t going to say anything about it though.

“Can we still be friends, Tom? I missed you and I want to spend time with you still.”

Tom nodded, taking a deep breath to concentrate. “Let me walk you home.”

After finishing your drinks, you walked side by side to the direction of your apartment. You were talking about your jobs and how you’ve made your successes.

“I actually wrote a novel which is published.” You smiled to yourself. Tom gave a look of amazement, his jaw dropping only slightly.

“Y/n, that’s amazing. I’ll have to read it soon.” 

“Well, I’ll have to watch your superhero movies soon, I haven’t been able to see them yet because of how busy me and Marc have been.” 

Tom nodded before a light bulb appeared over his head and he had an amazing idea. “How about tomorrow night I bring the movies over and we could have a marathon?” He pleaded in his head for you to say yes. He was trying to find excuses to spend more time with you.” 

“Of course, would you want to have more coffee tomorrow beforehand? I don’t have work tomorrow so my whole day is free.” They stopped outside the flat building and Tom eagerly nodded. 

After parting ways, you headed inside, changing into more comfortable clothes as you started to make dinner for that night. When Marc arrived home, you quickly told him you’d be going to the cafe again with Tom just to catch up and that Tom would be coming over as well afterward. It was clear Marc seemed a bit tense over the situation.

“Don’t you think it is a little weird for you to be hanging out with your ex?“ Marc asked, raising an eyebrow at you. “I mean, everyone usually hates their ex after dating. I mean I do. The girl was a psycho.” 

“Marc, she wasn’t a psycho, you were expecting too much from her while she was trying to help her family,” you explained. “I’m not going to go back to Tom because I love you. My feelings for him are long gone.” 

Right?

The next day, you and Tom enjoyed yourselves at the cafe, chatting and talking about your accomplishments and other dreams. It was a fun and light conversation filled with old inside jokes and stories. Every now and then silence would fall and a look of regret would be on your faces. Part of you regretted breaking up with Tom and going separate ways, but the other part of you knew it had been for the best and would have avoided any conflicts. Tom, on the other hand, wanted you back more than anything. You were still the angelic, funny, sweet young woman he used to know and he missed those days where you were his and he was yours. It was over now. Marc was now yours and you were now Marc’s. Tom couldn’t take that away. 

 The movie marathon was filled with laughs and funny comments until Marc got home. “Marc, come watch the movies with us?” You grinned, waving for him to come to sit with you. Tom scooted over away from you both slightly as Marc sat next to you, allowing you to rest against him for the movies. Those moments were tense for Tom. He wanted to be the one holding you. He wanted to keep you close and kiss your forehead sweetly. It was too bad Marc was there instead.

The next few weeks were filled with meetings at the coffee shop, hanging out together and more. You and Tom were close again. Close friends though. You’d never cheat on Marc or anyone for that matter. Marc didn’t seem to take it very well though. He was not trustful and was getting more possessive and controlling even. One day, you were going to the coffee shop to work on your next novel since Tom was too busy to hang out, but Marc had other plans.

“Y/n, are you going to hang out with Tom?” He asked you, standing in front of the door.

“No, I’ve got my novel to work on, Marc. I need to finish this chapter,” you explained, putting your laptop into your bag carefully and making sure you had the charger. 

“You’re lying, aren’t you.”

“No…” you responded, eyeing Marc suspiciously. “I’m not. I have to work on my novel, Tom is busy today, he’s got a family thing.” You tried moving past Marc to get to the door but then he did something shocking. Grabbing your shoulders, he shoved you against the door forcefully. “Marc!”

“You’re not to see him again, Y/n, I won’t allow it,” Marc practically growled, eyes dark as if his soul had left his body. You stared into his eyes with fear and helplessness.

“You are not to decide who I am to be friends with or not,” you shouted at him, trying to shove him off of you. Marc lost it then. His rage encompassed him and he didn’t hold back. He threw a punch straight at your face, your nose breaking under the pressure. You fell to the ground, eyes widening in horror and wincing from the pain. “What the hell, Marc?!” He didn’t stop at that though. He punched you again, this time hitting your eye. You didn’t pause for a second, grabbing your bag and running out of the flat and out of the building. Tears brimmed in the corners of your eyes as you ran away from the madman still standing in your flat.

You ran and ran and ran and ran. It was a nightmare. This wasn’t what you needed. Your nose was still bleeding and eye bruising quickly but you had to get to the safest place you knew of, even if you were intruding on a family dinner. Once you arrived at the nice house, you knocked on the door urgently, wiping blood onto your sleeve from your nose. 

Luckily it was Tom there to greet you.

“Y/n? Oh my god, come inside,” he ushered you in, your tears still falling as you sniffled a little. “What happened?” 

Your bottom lip wobbled uncontrollably as you tried to speak. “Marc- I was going to the cafe to work on my next book and Marc, he thought I was seeing you again and he didn’t want me to go. He didn’t- want me to see you even as friends. I tried going past him and he-” you broke into a fit of sobs before Tom’s arms wrapped around you as he pulled you into his chest, not caring if blood from your broken nose was getting on his shirt.

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. You can stay here the night, I don’t want you going back there without me.” He rubbed the small of your back gently before pulling out of the hug. “Let’s get your nose cleaned up.” 

Leading you to the kitchen, he quickly grabbed a wet washcloth and started cleaning the blood off of your nose and around it. He was very gentle with you, eyes filled with a certain kind of worry as he held his hand against your cheek and pressed the wet cloth against the side of your nose, trying to clean up the blood. Thankfully, the bleeding had stopped and you were finally cleaned up. 

“Tom,” you began, gently grabbing onto his other hand. “I’ve been thinking, a lot recently. We’ve become so close again and I started enjoying your company more than I did Marc’s. I didn’t- I didn’t feel the same about being with Marc after seeing you again.”

“Y/n…”

“Tom, I love you,” you finally stated, staring into his honey brown eyes. “I always have. I could never turn you down again. I still care for you, I miss you when you aren’t around. I feel so empty without you. I loved you then, I loved you now. I’ll love you forever.”

Tom bit his lip, staring at you with his loving eyes with the most adoring expression. “I love you more than you could ever, know, Y/n. When I look at you, I can feel it. I look at you and I’m home. You’ve always been home to me, Y/n. When I saw you again I told myself, This is the universe saying you are the most important thing in my life, but when I saw Marc with you, I almost gave up hope until we kept talking. I love you so much. Marc doesn’t deserve someone as kind and trustworthy and loyal as you. “

You smiled lightly, looking up at Tom with love. You leaned closer and pressed your lips to his, noses brushing and smiling into the kiss. Your arms wrapped around him as his arms wrapped around your shoulders. Passion, love, and adoration were all poured into the kiss. The love you shared was unmatchable and the bond was unbreakable. You would both take things step by step into the future. 

Tom was your home and you were Tom’s home. Your hearts would lay with each other forever.

taglist ― @hey-its-grey @lokiboomer @glimmering-gamora @lovesick-valkyrie @pufflypuffle @uglypastels @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @spidermansmj14 @simi11 @abby-blxck @pxterbpxrker @softboydeacon @scoobieboobiedoo@euphoricmads @not-jay-c @marveley @jammelchinas @sadgirlhours247 @neverlandparker​ @fairytaleparker @dahliaspidey @thegirlwiththeimpala​

[angelliev]

Lover Boy - JJ Maybank x OC - Part Thirteen - Falling

Word Count: 2.5K

Summary: Aria comes back home to deal with the backlash of her relationship with her lover, JJ becomes interested in finding someone, and Aria scares the Pogues. 

Warnings: Kissing, cursing, blood, fainting, hospitals and Sarah Cameron being a savage.

A/N: Not much for this one. Looking forward to the next part. (Not my GIF. Credits to the owner. I don’t own any of the characters or the show.)

Lover Boy Series Masterlist

Miami has its perks, but nothing beats being back home in the outer banks. We’ve been back for several days now, hanging out, going to school, the usual. I wish spring break could last forever. Coming back to school was not something anyone was looking forward to. Thankfully, it was the last period of the day. I can’t wait to get out of this uniform and school. Ever since people found out about my relationship with JJ, people have been talking about me. Sometimes someone will mutter ‘pogue slut’ when they’re passing by me in the halls. I can really give less than two shits about what other people think, but it’s still pretty annoying. I’m just thankful I have Kiara, Sarah and Charis with me.

“So, Aria is it true?” An annoying voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I huff before looking up at Courtney, my classmate and unfortunately Samantha’s sister. She also used to live in Chapel Hill, then she moved to figure eight, like me. We used to be friends back in middle school, until I broke things off with her, due to her bullying others. I refused to be associated with a bully.

“Is what true Courtney?” I asked uninterested. “Is it true that you’re going out with JJ Maybank?” The question wanted to make me scream out of frustration. “Yes, why do care?” “Well, I was just curious, is he like your boyfriend or just a booty call?” I rolled my eyes at the question. “I’ve heard from a lot of tourons that he’s great in bed. Is that true?” Fuck yea it is. She asked with a devilish smile printed on her face. That’s when Sarah stepped in.

“Gee Courtney, you’re always into everyone’s business. Just like your boyfriend is into all the freshman girls’ skirts because he just can’t seem to get it up when he’s with you.” Que the scene from ‘Friday’ when they say DAMN! Courtney stomps away while glaring at the two of us. “Fucking bitch.” Sarah mutters. “Calm down Boo. Her words mean nothing to me. She’s just trying to get under my skin. It’s not worth the fight.” I chuckle, trying to calm her down. “I don’t care. No one talks to my splinter bean like that.” She boops my nose. “You’re adorable. You still coming to the chateau later on today?” I asked. We can’t really hangout together, due to the feud between our families. Everyone has been talking about it on the island. The two most powerful and richest families on the island fighting, all because of Rafe Cameron. Of course, Sarah and I didn’t let this affect our friendship. We’re still two peas in a pod, like always.

“Yep. Kiara and I are planning on volunteering at the turtle exhibit before we head over there. You want to tag along?” She offered. “I’d love to, but I’m helping JJ study for his test.” Lately, I’ve been tutoring JJ and making sure he’s going to school. I want to make sure he graduates, plus I don’t want him getting in more trouble with his dad. So far, it’s paying off. His grades have gone up and he’ll be walking for graduation.

“Studying or fucking?” Sarah smirks mischievously. “Studying! Get your head out of the gutter!” The two of us laugh together as we walk outside, where JJ and his bike are parked. I peck his lips, despite receiving disgusted glares. “I’ll catch up with you two later. Have fun ‘studying’.” She winks, making us laugh. “How was your day?” He asked. I answered by kissing him sweetly. “Does that answer your question?” He licks his lips. “Don’t know. Might have to try again.” He says before planting another one on me. I can feel the burning gazes of my peers on us. “Jay, people are staring.” I giggle. “Let em. They need to know not to mess with my girl. C’mon.” He puts on my helmet before I hop on his back. The engine roars to life, only gaining more attention from my classmates. JJ notices and decides to flip them off before yelling, “Later losers!” I giggle as we drive off towards the cut.

The two of us sit and munch on our food as we continue to study at The Wreck. It’s pretty cute watching JJ do his homework. He always has his eyebrows knitted and his eyes are so concentrated. His blonde hair occasionally falls in front of his eyes. “You’re staring again baby.” He smirks. “I can’t help it. You’re just so handsome.” I play with the loose strand of his hair, making him blush. “Awe, am I making you blush?” I tease. “I don’t blush.” He denies with a playful serious face. “Yeah sure, let’s see your work.” I take the paper into my hands scanning the answers.

“Hey babe guess what.” He starts. “Oh, dear god. What is it?” I joked earning an eye roll from him. “So, you know that broken-down Chevy Camaro I have?” He asked. “Yeah, what about it?” I asked, while continuing to check his paper. “I’ve saved enough money to fix it up completely. John B and I even towed it to the chateau, since my dad wants nothing to do with it. Now, all I need to do is fix it up.” I look up, my eyes are filled with excitement. “Babe, that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you! You can finally have your own car!” He smiles cheek to cheek. “I know, but I don’t know if I want to spend the money on it.” This makes my smile falter a bit.

“What do you mean? You’ve been talking about fixing it up forever. It’s always been your dream car. You’ve been saving up to fix it since freshman year.” He just sighs. “I know, but I think I want to spend the money on something else.” He says. “Like what?” He stays silent for a moment. “I think I want to hire someone to find my mom.” He speaks softly. His words take me by surprise for a moment. “I thought about what you said about your dad hiring someone to find your sister. I thought maybe I could hire someone like that to find my mom. I know it’s stupid.” He fiddles with his pencil; I quickly take his hand in mine. “It’s not stupid to want to find out what happened to your mom. I think it’s a great idea to hire someone to find her. Hell, I’ll pay for the private investigator.” I suggest.

“No, I can’t ask you to do that.” He immediately protests. “You don’t have to. JJ, I want to do this. You deserve to know. Plus, I’d love to meet the woman who gifted me with such an amazing boyfriend.” This seems to make him crack a smile, but only for a second. “But what if she doesn’t want to see me?” His question broke my heart. “It’s worth a shot. The worst that can happen is that she doesn’t want to see you, which I doubt will happen. Based on everything you told me about her, she really loves you.” I try to reassure him. “If she really loves me, then why did she leave?” He mutters. I just sigh. “Some people make terrible mistakes. But that doesn’t mean they can’t learn from them. Maybe you can give her the chance to redeem herself.” He just sighs. “I still can’t ask you to pay for a P.I., they’re expensive, aren’t they?” He asked. “Yeah, but in the end it’ll be worth it. Please let me do this for you JJ. That way you can use the money to fix the car and see your mom. Trust me, it’ll all be worth it in the end. I love you, so let me do this for you.” I plead.

“Fine. At least let me pay for the meal this time though.” He gives in. “Deal! Pleasure doing business with you Mr. Maybank.” I say in a stern voice, earning a chuckle from him. “Come on silly goose. The Pogues are probably waiting for us. I don’t need them scolding us for being late.” He pays the bill in cash before walking me out and onto the bike.

We reach the chateau, where we see everyone hanging out on the porch. When we reach them, I notice that they’re looking through these photos. “What are you guys up to?” I asked curiously. “Just looking at some adorable pictures of us when we were kids. Look at the boys.” Kie lifts up a picture of younger Pope, JJ and John B at the beach. “Aw! You guys look so cute!” I exclaim holding the picture. “What can I say, I’ve always been quite the eye candy.” JJ smirks, earning a glare from me. “So, how did you guys meet?” I point between the boys. The three of them share a laugh. John B speaks up. “JJ and I met in the third grade. This kleptomaniac here stole one of my toy cars, so I chased him all over the cut until I finally caught him. This dumbass had climbed to the top of this tree and couldn’t get down, cause his foot was stuck. I offered to help him down, only if he’d give me back the car. He said yes and we’ve been best friends ever since. Pope here, we met him in the sixth grade. JJ would always cheat off of Pope, which always made the poor boy mad. Then one day at lunch, these eighth graders had ganged up on him. We noticed and started a food fight to help Pope. The three of us got detention. The rest I history.” John B and the boys smile at the fond memories.

“That’s cute.” I chuckle. Part of me wishes I got to know them when I was younger. I guess they’ve always been troublemakers. They’re pretty close knitted, making their bond unbreakable. “Alright guys. Are we fishing or what?” Asked JJ. As we make our way to the HMS Pogue, I start to feel slightly dizzy. “You good babe?” JJ asked concerned. “Yeah, my head just hurts a little. Probably dehydrated.” I shrug my shoulders, not thinking anything of it. “Here, have some water.” He hands me one out of the cooler. “You’re starting to sound like my mom.” I chuckle. “Hey, I like your mom. She’s pretty cool. Always makes lunch when for Pope and I when we deliver groceries. Tips me nicely too. Wish all kooks were like that.” JJ smiles to himself. “Damn, I need to start delivering groceries to your house.” Says John B. “You should man. She always has lunch packed for us on standby. She makes the best sandwiches. Usually she’ll have some strawberries, carrots and chips on the side. Sometimes, she’ll put a cookie in there too.” JJ rambles on about my mom. “She likes you to you know? She thinks you’re pretty handsome.” I mock my mom. “What can I say? Moms love me.” He smiles cheek to the cheek, making me roll my eyes.

So far, we were all having fun on the boat laughing, talking, etc. Everything was going perfectly normal until my headache started getting worse and worse. I continue to down my water, thinking I’m still dehydrated. Perhaps I’m just stressed from school? It doesn’t explain the sweating though. It was only a nice seventy degrees out, with a beautiful breeze, and I was just wearing a swimsuit. We stopped for a moment to take a dip in the water. It still didn’t help however. My head was still pounding and I was still sweating afterwards.

“Aria!” The sound of Pope’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Huh?” I look over at the Pogues who looked at me with concerning faces. “I was asking if you were okay. You look a little pale.” He pointed out. Great. “Yeah I’m fine. Just dehydrated. I’ll grab another water.” I shake it off, thinking it was nothing. I was wrong though. I shouldn’t have thought it was nothing. The second I got up, I started to notice these peculiar spots in front of my eyes. I also couldn’t help but notice my shortness of breath as I made my way to the cooler. I had to stop walking for a moment just to catch my breath. “You alright babe?” JJ’s voice sounded faint. My vision began to go blurry as I stared at the water. “JJ, I don’t feel good. I think there’s something…” I didn’t get to finish my sentence before my vision goes completely dark and my body goes light.

Her body shuts down and falls to the ground. Her head thumps hard against the surface. The Pogues jump and gasp when they see their dear friend collapse. “Aria!” JJ shouts, rushing towards her unresponsive body. John B doesn’t think twice before racing the HMS Pogue back towards the chateau. “Aria! Baby! Hey! Wake up!” She doesn’t respond to his frantic yelling. That’s when he notices the blood on his hand coming from the gaping wound on her hand. “Oh shit! Fuck! Guys she’s bleeding!” JJ can feel the panic and fear finally setting in. His heart beating a thousand times faster.

Sarah comes running with a clean cloth and first aid kit in hand. Tears settle in her eyes and her hands shake as she applies it to the cut. “Okay. Okay. She gonna need stitches. We need to get her to the hospital. John B faster!” That’s what she said. Sorry. JB goes races through the marsh. “What the hell happened?” Kie asked. “I don’t know! She’s was fine all day until we got on the boat!” JJ exclaimed. The Pogues near the chateau. “John B! Help me get her to the van!” JJ demands. The two boys grab a hold of her body and carry her to the van. Kie jumps into the driver seat, with Pope in the front, and Sarah opens the side door. Once everyone is situated, Kie hits the gas, making her way to the hospital.

“Just hang on baby. We’ll be there soon I promise.” JJ’s voice and hands shook. The minutes felt agonizingly long as they raced to the hospital. A sigh of relief leaves the group of teenagers lips, when they finally reach their destination. The boys quickly grab a hold of Aria rushing her into the ER. Their desperate pleads can be heard throughout the ER, gaining everyone’s attention. A familiar face spots the two boys carrying the limp girl.

“Aria!” Elaine yelps and makes her way towards them, a gurney following behind. “What happened?!” She asked frantically as her daughter was placed on the journey and rushed through the halls. “We were hanging out, then all of the sudden she fainted and hit her head.” JJ explained, following them, until he was cut off by a few doctors. “You’ll have to wait out here son.” “No! That’s my girlfriend in there! I can’t leave her!” JJ ignores their orders, tears welling in his eyes. John B grabs a hold of his close friend. “JJ! She’s in good hands. She’s with her mom. She’ll be okay. I promise. Just breathe man.” JJ listens to his friend, finally catching his breath, yet he couldn’t help but worry over the love of his life as he stood there without her.

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1985

Under the cut.

Foreigner -- "I Want To Know What Love Is" -- February 2, 1985

One of the quintessential 80s power ballads. It's actually kind of interesting if you think about it enough. He's not in love yet, but he's gotten sick of not being in love, so he's asking someone he's in the pre-love stage with to show him. Though he's had "heartache and pain" before, and doesn't know if he can face it again. It's not consistent. I feel like it's a missed opportunity, but oh well. It's good enough for what it is.

Wham! -- "Careless Whisper" -- February 16, 1985

Oh my god I love the saxophone in this. The music throughout the song is so incredibly sexy. And this is the kind of song George Michael's voice was made for. He's totally capable of sounding both hot and in agony at the same time. I actually adore a whole lot of cheating songs -- mostly, though not exclusively, the tormented kind. Drama! Love! Sex! Angst! Gorgeous.

REO Speedwagon -- "Can't Fight This Feeling" -- March 9, 1985

<3. He keeps singing "r"s like a pirate, but he doesn't go as hard on the other consonants, so I'm good with it. Lyrically, this song sounds like it might be two songs mashed together. "What started out as friendship has grown stronger" or "my life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you." Well which is it? Except I've had that happen. I love this song.

Phil Collins -- "One More Night" -- March 30, 1985

This is a depressing heartbreak song without the saving grace of any of Phil Collins' neat drum stuff. Blah.

We Are the World -- April 13, 1985

Whoo boy. I was 8 when this came out. Obviously I loved it. All the kids loved it. Now, though... I'm sorry, but it's bad. Really bad. Many others have gone deeply into why it's bad. I feel acutely embarrassed listening to it, so I'm just running away from it as fast as possible. (Remember all those celebrities singing "Imagine" in their mansions in 2020? I blame this song for that.)

Madonna -- "Crazy For You" -- May 11, 1985

This is one of Madonna's most straightforward love songs. Maybe the most, period. This or "Cherish," and this is a better song. It's lovely. Like Olivia Newton-John, Madonna can act a song. (Unlike in most movies she's been in.) But what I'm thinking about now is learning in this article that her label wouldn't let Madonna release "Into the Groove" as a single. That song was huge. It was played on the radio all the time. If it had been released as a single, or maybe if Billboard had tracked songs then like it does today, it would have been a massive smash, definitely #1. "Into the Groove" is also the best song of her very early career. "Crazy for You" is good, but not nearly as special.

Simple Minds -- "Don't You Forget About Me" -- May 18, 1985

As I am "Gen X", I am supposed to deeply connect with The Breakfast Club. I was 8 years old when it came out. My life as a teenager was nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, like that movie. I didn't recognize any of the "types." I liked the movie when I saw it in college, mostly, but the whole sexual harassment turns into a relationship deal was not seen as cool any longer. The "jocks vs. nerds" thing also felt very dated. The school in the movie was bigger and richer than mine, but it's a fantasy.

Anyway, though I don't feel much about the movie, its breakout song was really good. It does speak to a real fear both in graduating high school and during young adult relationships. I haven't forgotten the people I knew in high school, as far as I know, but obviously they don't have the same importance to me any longer. I'm Facebook friends with a lot of them. And very much not with a couple who were the most important then, because we grew apart -- or blasted apart. One of the nicest girls I knew in high school thinks there's a war on Christmas. Another keeps trying to get me to join her MLM. One of my best friends became my first boyfriend, and I don't regret that, but it was also a semi-disaster. And others... we just have nothing to say to each other any longer.

So, Breakfast Club: I don't connect with at all. "Don't You Forget About Me": Speaks to something very real and timeless.

Wham! -- "Everything She Wants" -- May 25, 1985

What a dick. Songs in which the narrator is a colossal jerk are perfectly fine, of course, but this one gets under my skin. He's whining about his wife getting pregnant when she's dissatisfied with their life and that they're broke. As if it's something she chose to do to him. She's stuck creating a whole other person with her blood and flesh, and he thinks it's all and entirely about him. I really hate it.

Tears for Fears -- "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" -- June 8, 1985

I can't hear this song without thinking of this Baldur's Gate fan trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jdd06d2nids. Speaking of which, I am incredibly excited for Baldur's Gate 3. I've been reading the early access reviews on Steam, and anything anyone is saying that's negative is stuff I don't gaf about (except bugs), whereas the positive stuff, I care about deeply. I hope it's got some of the feeling of that trailer. Um, right, Tears for Fears.

Honestly, though, it works best as a Baldur's Gate theme song. I don't think everybody actually wants to rule the world. It sounds good though. And pretty different from other stuff around it. But I like Lorde's cover better, and not just because it fits so wonderfully with all sorts of fantasy stories.

I usually play a paladin or paladin-type the first time in fantasy RPGs, but I'm thinking bard this time.

Bryan Adams -- "Heaven" -- June 22, 1985

He's been with this woman since they were young, and while they've broken up and gone through rough patches, now they're together forever and they're "in heaven." Bryan Adams knew exactly how to write a song that would become a hit. I used to not mind it at all, but it also means nothing to me. The chorus is catchy as hell though. So catchy that I ended up waking up with it in my head and it would not leave for hours and hours, so now I resent this song.

Phil Collins -- "Sussudio" -- July 6, 1985

I refuse to believe anyone ever told Phil Collins he was too young. He was born middle-aged. Anyway, the narrator isn't supposed to be him, so it's fine, but it's still kinda funny. He's got a crush on someone who doesn't even know his name, but "she's all I need all of my life." Um. The music is repetitive, the drums aren't as interesting as Phil Collins at his best, and I don't like the lyrics. I don't hate it, but I don't like it either.

Duran Duran -- "View to a Kill" -- July 13, 1985

I'm not sure I've ever heard this song before. It's about as good a song as the Bond movie they wrote it for was as a movie. In other words, it's bad. I'm not even sure there's a melody. Just a mess. "Ordinary World" would have made a far better Bond theme, but of course that was the 90s, when Duran Duran decided to try to make sense both lyrically and musically.

Paul Young -- "Every Time You Go Away" -- July 27, 1985

I like the high keyboard notes in this. They're sort of haunting. The rest of the song is musically pretty good, too. Lyrically though, it's only passable. This woman keeps leaving him every time "the leading man" shows up, so I guess he's the backup. Why does he keep waiting for her anyway? There's no hint in the song. I'm kind of embarrassed for him.

Tears for Fears -- "Shout" -- August 3, 1985

I think "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" is a better song than this one when done by Lorde. But I think "Shout" is a better song than Tears for Fears' original iteration of "Everybody Wants to Rule the World." The chorus seems clear enough. But the verses are not. "They gave you life/ And in return you gave them hell" makes sense in isolation, but then there's a bunch of stuff that doesn't go with it. Like "I'd really love to break your heart" -- wtf? But the music is really good. 

Huey Lewis and the News -- "The Power of Love" -- August 24, 1985

This was the big song for Back to the Future, and it meshed beautifully with the movie, but it doesn't need that association to be a great song. "Don't need money, don't take fame/ Don't need no credit card to ride this train/ It's strong and it's sudden, it can be cruel sometimes/ But it might just save your life." Yep. It's sort of Motown, sort of rock, and I love it. (Also: "Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream." Heh.)

John Parr -- "St. Elmo's Fire" -- August 24, 1985

Of all the John Hughes movies I have not seen and do not plan to see, St. Elmo's Fire sure is one of them. The song is about a disabled man who inspired people by rolling himself cross-country in his wheelchair for charity, which has absolutely nothing to do with the movie. I'm disabled, and I just... okay look, what he did was admirable. But we shouldn't have to be inspirations to be counted as worthwhile, and I've been told I should die because I can't produce for capitalism, so you know. I've got some personal issues with this and I'm gonna move along.

Dire Straits -- "Money for Nothing" -- September 21, 1985

This is not Dire Straits' best song, but it's an awfully fun one. I watched the video tons when I was a kid. (That sound is Tipper Gore falling to the floor in a dead faint.) The music is great rock. And the lyrics are very true-to-life. You can either sanitize people or present them as they are honestly, and I know which I prefer.

Ready for the World -- "Oh Sheila" -- October 12, 1985

The band's from Michigan. The English accent at the beginning of the song is fake. That's a good preview for the song, which sounds like a 3rd-rate Prince knockoff at best. Blech.

a-ha -- "Take On Me" -- October 19, 1985

The video totally ripped off one of my aunts. Somehow or other, they saw into the little comic she drew for me about someone going into a land of drawings to rescue someone else in a romantic adventure, years before 1985. Anyway, this song is great musically, massively synthesizer heavy without sounding artificial. Though I can only understand maybe a third of the lyrics as he sings them. I've always understood "It's no better to be safe than sorry" though. Yep, at least when it comes to romance, which is what they're singing about here.

Whitney Houston -- "Saving All My Love for You" -- October 26, 1985

It's not better to be safe than sorry, but that doesn't mean it's good to be an absolute idiot in matters of romance either. Nor is it good to be a colossal jerk. That's what the narrator is here -- the "you" she's singing to is married. And he won't leave his wife and children, though he used to say he would. The lyrics seem to say that's she's accepted the situation, but the way Houston sings it, I think the narrator's trying to get him to leave his wife -- and children -- for her still. This makes sense, as it puts some kind of passion and sense of story into the song, which without Houston's singing would not be there. The narrator certainly never acknowledges that what she's doing is wrong in the slightest iota. This song could be done in a way that works. But it's a completely sincere ballad. So, no. I despise the narrator, I despise the man she's singing to more, and the whole thing leaves me feeling gross.

Stevie Wonder -- "Part Time Lover" -- November 2, 1985

No one's thinking anyone's gonna leave anyone in this one. It's about cheating, and the thrill of it, but then at the end, he's found out his wife's cheating on him too. "I guess that two can play the game/ Of part-time lovers." This kind of funk groove is one way you make a song like this. It makes the whole thing sexy and fun, and the lyrics also work even beyond that ending, because they acknowledge it's wrong.

Jon Hammer -- "Miami Vice Theme" -- November 9, 1985

My parents didn't watch Miami Vice. And then I never felt like watching it in re-runs when I got older. I don't recognize this song. It's an energetic instrumental, but there's so much going on, I keep trying to figure out if there's a main musical idea anywhere. Nope. Just lots and lots of synth. Headache-inducing.

Starship -- "We Built This City" -- November 16, 1985

Blech. This song sounds both unfinished and overproduced somehow. The chorus seems designed to be catchy with absolute ruthlessness by people who didn't really care, and no one involved even seems to want to bother to fake it.

Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin -- "Separate Lives" -- November 30, 1985

This is supposed to be heart-wrenchingly sad. Well, it does tank my dopamine, but that's not what a good sad song does. A good sad song makes you feel better. This one makes me need to turn on something high-energy after about 30 seconds, before I sink into bleakness. It's aggressively boring.

Mr. Mister -- "Broken Wings" -- December 7, 1985

This was one of the first songs I recorded from the radio. On my pink tape deck/radio that was a sort of a mini boom box. I've always had my own tape player since I can remember, but that was a definite upgrade from the Sesame Street one. I was 9 then, so getting more seriously into music and developing my own taste intentionally, rather than simply absorbing what was happening around me.

Anyway, the song. It's about a relationship in trouble, and he wants to stay with her. To me it sounds like she has been so seriously hurt (and not by him), that she can't trust anyone, and he's laying himself on the line for her. That has spoken to me deeply ever since I first heard the song as a child. Moving on to the music: While the lyrics are repetitive, the music is not, which is what makes the song so good. It's a beautiful song.

Lionel Richie -- "Say You, Say Me" -- December 21, 1985

I look forward to Lionel Richie no longer being on the charts. This song was on the soundtrack of some movie I've never heard of. I wish I'd never heard of the song. Totally artificial glop.

BEST OF 1985: "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds  WORST OF 1985: "We Built This City" by Starship

[seagreen-meets-grey]

And if I fall

He was the last person she wanted to see right now. But then again, she had never missed him more.

crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

Stuffy air and the smell of stale beer first greeted her when they entered the bar.

Locked arm in arm between her two friends and roommates, Astrid felt like a prisoner. Heather and Ruff probably thought she might bolt as soon as they let go of her, like a captured boar on its way to a forced fun night out. She wouldn’t admit it, but her friends were smart.

Sighing in her final defeat, she let herself be guided through the crowd. Usually, she would have dressed up, and looking at the crowd, she decided she was the most underdressed of all of them. Even the regulars sipping their usual whiskey at the bar wore fancier outfits than she did.

“I think I just saw a free table in that corner over there,” Ruff yelled over the noise of the music and the many voices. They changed their direction, weaving through the crowd, Astrid still locked in between them.

All at once, Heather stopped in her tracks, making the other girls stumble. Astrid glared at her and Ruffnut threw her a questioning look.

“Shit,” was all Heather said before she threw Ruffnut a look and made attempts to turn the three of them in the other direction, but only further received another glare and confused look. With her head, she pointed somewhere in front of them. Her friends followed her eyes and Ruff cursed.

Right there in front of them, only a few feet away, stood the very reason Ruff and Heather had seen it necessary to drag Astrid out of the apartment in the first place, sick of her moping around in sweatpants every night.

Astrid wanted to look away and ignore him, she really did. But her body seemed to have other plans. Rooted to the spot, she could do nothing but stare at him. At his tall, wiry frame and his unruly hair. Her fingers twitched at the memory of running them through the soft, thick strands. His freckled face was illuminated by the phone in his hand; the look in his eyes was concentrated as he looked up and let them wander over the crowd in search. When he found what or who he’d been looking for, he waved over their heads, a small smile lighting up his expression.

Astrid gulped. She was a strong, independent woman, for Thor’s sake! There was no need for her heart to beat that fast just because he was here. Her stomach shouldn’t simultaneously be full of flutters and twisted in knots, and her breath was not supposed to become that shallow when he suddenly came her way.

“Oh no, he’s coming over,” Heather whisper-shouted, and Astrid still couldn’t tear her eyes from him. She bit her lip and groaned inwardly. Get your shit together, Astrid! she yelled at herself. You’re a Hofferson, you don’t run around crying over a guy!

Ruffnut was studying her closely with rare concerned eyes. “Yeah, let’s bounce.”

But it was already too late. They didn’t even manage to turn around when he suddenly stood before them. His eyes widened slightly the moment he saw her. Even in the artificial light of a second-rate bar on the edge of downtown Berk they were the greenest eyes she had ever seen.

For several seconds, neither of them said a word, until Ruff coughed awkwardly. “Hello, Haddock.”

Hiccup glanced at her shortly before looking back at Astrid and clearing his throat. “Hey.”

Astrid hated how her heart skipped a beat just by hearing his voice. “Hi,” she managed to say, her own voice sounding less weak than she had feared.

“How, how are you?” He put his hands in the pocket of his jacket, shuffling his feet awkwardly.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Was that a miniscule tremble in her voice?! Astrid mentally punched herself. Don’t show weakness! “You?”

He needed a second to comprehend her question, an awkward reddish tinge covering his cheeks and ears. “I’m, yeah. Good. I mean.” No longer able to constrain his natural habit of gesticulating, his hands escaped his pockets and he waved them around in an attempt to sound and look casual. “I mean, I’m good. Thanks. You? No, wait, we already did you.”

Beside her, Ruffnut groaned. Heather made a face as if she had just taken a huge bite out of a lemon.

The awkward silence stretched for what felt like hours, maybe even a few eternities, in which Hiccup wouldn’t really meet her eyes, rocking back and forth on his heels.

“Well,” Astrid finally said.

“Well,” he repeated.

“It was nice seeing you.”

“Yep,” he said, popping the ‘p’. For another eternal moment, nobody said anything, until Hiccup nodded one last time, gave them all an awkward wave and disappeared in the crowd.

As soon as he was gone, Astrid put her face in her hands and let out a long, frustrated groan. “That was a disaster!”

Ruffnut cackled. “You can say that again. You should have seen your faces, dude!”

Astrid lifted her head from its hideout in the palm of her hands and glared at her friend. “Thanks.”

Heather put a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. “Do you want to leave? We can go to a different place.”

A stubborn flame flared up inside her. What, she should run away now? Just because her ex-boyfriend who she still had feelings for was in the same room as her? She could handle that; she was no pathetic little girl.

“No, we’re staying,” she insisted, took a deep breath and headed for the next empty table. Her friends shared another concerned look, but then shrugged and followed her.

Astrid ordered herself a beer with the confidence of a woman who didn’t still feel all mushy inside from one interaction with Hiccup Haddock. Judging by the look on the bartender’s face, it came across as angry, but she supposed it was just as good that her ability to glare had not suffered from her failed relationship. The only thing she should probably change was the message she was sending with it.

One and a half beers later, her nerves had finally calmed down. She’d cleverly sat with her back to him, making it hard for her to keep glancing at him and ruining her plan to enjoy the night despite his presence. More relaxed now, she opened her jacket in the warm room. Which she regretted immediately.

“Are you fucking serious?!” Heather looked at her with an incredulous scowl.

“What?” Astrid followed Heather’s line of sight and found it directed at the t-shirt she was wearing underneath her jacket. Throwing her friend a challenging look back, she crossed her arms over her chest.

While Heather just shook her head disappointedly, Ruff caught on as well. “Dude, you’re still wearing that?! I told you to burn it!”

“And I told you that I won’t burn a perfectly good piece of clothing!” When her friends kept scolding her with their looks, she counted on her fingers, “He never came to take it back, it’s comfy, the color looks good on me, and it doesn’t even smell like him anymore so it’s neither creepy nor pathetic.”

“Throw it away.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No, Ruff!”

“Throw. It. Away. Or I will steal it and burn it in the sink so that whenever you’re in the kitchen, you’ll be reminded of your pitiful behavior. It will forever haunt you that you so pathetically whined after a guy.”

“Ruff is right,” Heather chimed in. “Not about the burning stuff in our sink thing, she can do that in her brother’s house. I mean that it’s not like you to be so hung up over a guy.”

Astrid stared at her hands on the table. “Believe me, I don’t want this, either. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me this time.”

“And I still don’t understand what went wrong,” Ruffnut said. “You guys were so disgustingly happy and then all of a sudden, you’re breaking up? What happened there? Did one of you cheat? Did you realize that his dick was too small?”

Astrid gave Ruff’s leg a hard kick under the table and ignored her cry of pain.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why, because I hit home with the dick thing?”

“Do you want me to kick you again?”

“You didn’t deny it.”

Astrid threw her hands up. “For fuck’s sake, Ruff, his dick was fine!” she yelled and several people turned their heads. She glared at all of them until they looked away.

“So you’re saying it was too big for your- ow!” Ruffnut bent down to massage her shin.

“You’re insufferable sometimes.” Astrid knew her friend would proudly show her the leg the next morning, rating the blues and greens on her own weird Scale for the Awesomeness of Injuries.

“If you don’t want to talk to us,” Heather brought the conversation back on track, “then you should at least talk to him. Get yourself some closure.”

Astrid frowned. “How would I know if he even wants to talk to me? You saw and heard that train wreck of a conversation earlier with your own eyes and ears.”

Heather sighed. “Because he keeps looking at you.”

Astrid couldn’t stop herself. As soon as the words had left Heather’s mouth, she turned around and immediately locked eyes with him. She knew it was impossible to see his vibrant green irises from this distance, but in that brief second before he realized she had caught him staring and quickly averted his face, she remembered the feeling of sinking into his eyes as if she was lying on the ground in the forest, gazing up at the tree tops in the midst of a sunny summer day. Oh, she was so screwed. The butterflies returned, immediately creating a frenzy and sending a pang through her chest.

She turned back around and murmured, as nonchalantly as possible, “Whatever.”

“At least consider it?” She knew that Heather wouldn’t drop this subject as long as Astrid didn’t give her a straight answer.

“Fine, I will.” Astrid rolled her eyes. She appreciated that her friends were concerned for her and took her feelings seriously, but she’d rather bury these emotions and never talk about them again.

Satisfied, Heather and Ruffnut finally changed the topic and Astrid inwardly sighed in relief. She sipped at her beer, listening to the other girls rating the creepiness of the people around them and concocting the best fake plans to ‘kill them’. She grinned despite her gloomy mood. Discussing which weapon to use in which situation and how to best smuggle it past any security was something she could get behind.

When there was only foam left in her bottle, she pushed her chair back and stood up. “I’mma head to the bathroom,” she announced.

“Want another one?” Ruff asked and pointed at her empty beer.

“Sure,” she shrugged and left the table.

The Astrid that stared back at her in the bathroom mirror while she washed her hands looked good. She didn’t have that layer of sadness in her eyes anymore that kept sneaking back in, no matter how hard she fought against it. She was an emotionally driven person, but that didn’t mean that she had any control over it, and that was the part that she hated.

The lines of exhaustion from the constant exercise she had used to distract her with had disappeared from her face; fresh laugh lines had taken their place. She felt fine.

Giving herself a last determined nod and a self-encouraging smile in the mirror, she wiped her hands on the paper towels and left the bathroom. When she emerged from the narrow hallway back into the main area of the bar, the first thing she heard was Ruff’s piercing laughter. Astrid followed the noise and found her friend standing with a group of people near the counter, flirtingly posing at the table they were gathered around. Heather was leaning against a different table close by, texting on her phone, showing zero interest in the people before her.

Astrid couldn’t help but notice it was the same table she had seen Hiccup at earlier, but his seat was vacated. An unwanted feeling of disappointment swept through her which she immediately pushed down.

She didn’t want to join these people. Chances were that he hadn’t left and would return any minute, and she didn’t want to awkwardly stand by while their friends were chumming it up. But she couldn’t return to their former table since it was already occupied by some strangers. It seemed like the only two options she had were to either go home or to submit to a very unpleasant situation with her ex she would rather avoid.

Sighing in frustration, she resolved to give herself another pep talk in the mirror of the tiny bathroom. But she didn’t even get that far. When she turned around, she bumped into another body just leaving the dimly lit hallway.

“Sorry,” she reflexively said, in unison with the other person. She locked eyes with a young man with auburn hair and a sharp jaw. Ah, crap.

“Oh hey, uh, Astrid. Hi, Astrid, hey. Hey, Astrid,” Hiccup stuttered, suddenly finding the wallpaper behind her extremely fascinating while he started rubbing his neck. Astrid hated how endearing she still thought his awkwardness was.

“Hey.” Maybe she could escape this encounter before it became even more unpleasant.

“I’m, um, gonna go now,” he said, pointing towards his friends.

“Okay.”

He hesitated for a couple of seconds before he shot her one last glance and slowly started to walk away. Astrid bit her lip as a sudden gut feeling made a decision for her.

“Hey, Hiccup?” she called after him. He turned around on the spot, and if she wasn’t so sure the dim light was affecting her vision, she would have thought his expression was almost hopeful.

“Yes?”

She could still abandon this ship, tell him it was nothing, or that she wished him a good life or some of that crap. But she wasn’t a Hofferson if she didn’t go through with this now.

“Why didn’t we work out?”

Confusion slowly spread over his features as his brain processed the question. “Uh, you did,” was what he finally said. “At least three times a week.”

Now it was Astrid’s turn to be confused, brain working unusually slowly in such proximity to Hiccup. The realization of the misunderstanding dawned on them at the same time.

“That was not what you meant.” A fierce blush crept over his face and his eyes widened in horror. He groaned in embarrassment and wiped his hands over his face, then through his hair. “Oh god, please kill me now. Take your axe and- and- uuh-”

She had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing. Hiccup was usually so clever and witty, had a sarcastic remark to everything, always a few steps ahead of most people in the room. Work out.

Not able to hold herself together any longer, she burst into fits of giggles, starting anew every time she looked at him and the ridiculousness of the situation dawned on her once more. After a minute, she could see the corners of his mouth twitch and his shoulders shake from repressed laughter, until he joined in.

Wiping a few tears from her eyes, Astrid took a deep breath to calm down. It felt like the ice was breaking, the old comfortable easiness between them returning.

She pushed her bangs out of her face and met his eyes. “Seriously, though. What happened?”

Hiccup’s face went serious again, the twinkle in his eyes disappearing. He looked down and shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Really?”

He sighed. “I guess I just… I just realized that you weren’t in it as much as I was.”

“What do you mean?” she asked and scowled.

“I mean, well, I mean that- that- that I liked you more than you liked me.” When she heard that, Astrid’s stomach dropped. “I… I could see us going places, while you, you seemed like you didn’t want it to become that serious.” He finally met her eyes, and the hurt she saw in them hit her right in the chest.

“Excuse me,” a voice behind them startled them out of the moment, “I would very much like to go to the toilet.” A middle-aged man was impatiently tapping his foot at the entrance of the hallway, and Hiccup and Astrid realized they were blocking the way.

“Sorry,” Hiccup said and stepped aside to let the man through. “I think we’re done here, anyway.” He made attempts to walk away, but Astrid wouldn’t just let him go like that. Not before she had told him the truth. So she grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hallway, past the doors to the bathrooms, until they reached the end where a fake plant in a vase with fading colors was collecting dust on a small table.

Clutching his hand in hers, she looked him dead in the eye. There was no backing out now.

“Astrid, what-”

“I have to tell you something.”

“O- okay…” She didn’t like the frown on his face. She wanted him to smile, wanted his eyes to brighten again. Didn’t want him to look at her like he could see the insecurity in her eyes, like he was concerned about her, or what she was possibly about to say.

Opening her mouth was the first step. She wanted to do this, wanted to tell him. Wanted him to know how she felt, even if she had to reveal a weakness. Because she had always felt safe with Hiccup, had always known that she could trust him. It had always been so easy to be herself around him. There was nothing she had to hide from him. He’d never laughed at her, never not taken her seriously. Which was one of the reasons she loved him so much. And she did. Because that’s what it all came down to, wasn’t it? The nights lying awake in the dark with that tight feeling in her chest? Missing him during every little mundane activity, even if it was a task such as cleaning the toilet? Setting back her entire progress of getting over him in the space of one minute of talking to him? There was something about him that kept drawing her back in, something that made him so different from everyone else, something indescribable but utterly Hiccup.

She stood up straight. Now, Astrid. “I was afraid.”

Several miniscule emotions rushed over his face and through his eyes, too fast for her to determine.

“Afraid? Of, of me?” He tried to pull his hand back, but she held onto it, and used her other to give him a punch on the arm.

“Not of you, you muttonhead!”

“Then what…?”

“I was afraid of committing to a serious relationship.” There. She said it. Unconsciously, she held her breath as she waited for his reaction.

“So… I was right.”

That was not what she’d expected to hear.

“Well… In a way…” She wanted to tell him! Then why was it so hard? Desperately searching for the right words, she didn’t realize she was tightening her grip on his hand until he shifted his fingers, or rather tried to. When she loosened her crushing clasp, she felt his thumb brush over her knuckles encouragingly. Adoration for him flooded her heart and the words just bubbled out of her.

“I’m not good at talking about my feelings. But I want you to know that I didn’t end it because I didn’t have feelings for you anymore. It was actually quite the opposite. All the relationships I’ve been in over the years had never lasted long and they’d never made me feel the things you did – and still do. So when I realized exactly how much you mean to me, I felt… vulnerable and… and exposed. And when you started acting more distant – which I now know is my own undoing – I was afraid. Because if I went all in, I’d just end up getting hurt. So I ran.” Her frown deepened. “Yes, that’s true. I, Astrid Hofferson, ran from something because I was afraid.”

He was just gaping at her. Was he waiting for her to say more? Did he need time to process what she had just told him? Didn’t he know what to say? The silence made her feel even more exposed, naked in front of him. But finally talking about this took something heavy off her chest, something she hadn’t even known had been making it hard for her to breath.

“I guess I’m so afraid of completely opening up to someone because of my parents. They were so happy when I was a kid, I’d always wanted what they had. But then they got divorced, and I saw what it did to them. I never wanted to get hurt like that. And then I met you and you were so different, you managed to break through my defenses and…” She took a deep breath and plucked up all her courage. Now or never. “And I fell in love with you,” she let out in a rush, not brave enough to articulate everything properly, but enough to look him in the eyes afterwards.

What she saw made her toes tingle and her stomach flutter. There was no judgement, no resentment, no anger. He was gazing at her with deep affection, a soft fondness evident in his smile as he regarded her.

“I know I should have told you this sooner,” she continued, “but-”

“It’s okay,” he interrupted her. “I could have talked to you, too. You’re not the only one who was afraid of rejection and getting hurt.”

She exhaled the tension from her chest and shook her head. “We’re both idiots, aren’t we.” When she smiled back at him, she noticed he was blushing and couldn’t help feeling lighter at the sight.

He took her other hand in his and stepped closer until she could count the freckles on his nose and under his eyes. “Are you still afraid?” he asked in a low voice. Her breath hitched, he was so close, and she couldn’t stop her eyes from dropping to his lips every few seconds.

“I want to say that I’m not, but…” She trailed off, averting her face. What if, one day, he realized his feelings for her had disappeared? What if she did, no matter how unlikely it seemed to her at the moment? But then again, what would she lose if she didn’t take this step now? It was so unlike her to hesitate, to not face the fight head-on. And what was she even fighting here?

Hiccup gently cupped her cheek and guided her face back to him. “If it helps, I’ll be afraid with you.” And in that moment, she knew. Knew that she wanted to do this with him, knew that, no matter what, she could rely on him, could lean on him. She couldn’t imagine a scenario in which she didn’t let go of her security blanket, even if it meant she could get hurt in the process. So she took the plunge.

She closed the gap between them and, after weeks of hurting and missing and pining and dreaming, pressed her lips on his with vigor. He stumbled a step back but caught himself and kissed her back. One hand still on her cheek, he laid the other on her waist and pulled her closer. Her hands wandered over his torso and then further up, over his shoulders, the sides of his face, until they reached his hair. Her back hit the wall, the kiss growing more passionate with each shaky breath they took in-between kisses.

Astrid felt the tension and misery from the past weeks leave her with every clashing of lips, every meeting of tongues, every hot exhale on her skin, every tiny movement of his hands on her body. Breathing heavily, they parted, but she held him close. Standing up straight despite wobbly knees, she put her face in a determined expression.

“I love you. And I want to be with you.”

His entire face lit up and with gleaming eyes, he leaned in to kiss her once more, but she pushed him back. “But I need to know how you feel first.”

Hiccup regarded her with an intense look and one corner of his mouth stretched into a lopsided smile. “Is that still not obvious?”

“I need you to say it.”

“Okay.” Her took both her hands in his again. “Astrid, I can’t imagine my life without you in it anymore. I’m crazy about you. And, quite honestly, I… I think I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you.”

Astrid didn’t even try to fight the wide grin that broke out on her face. “Cheeseball,” she teased.

“Hey, you wanted to know how I feel. You set the stage yourself.”

She leaned up for another kiss, the sigh he breathed bouncing through her chest.

“I kind of want cheese now.”

He gestured at himself. “Lucky for you, I am a cheeseball. Major Cheeseball, reporting for duty.” He gave her a quick fake salute.

She rolled her eyes, unable to keep the smile from her face. “I mean cheese that I can eat.”

He contemplated thinking for a moment before he smirked at her and wiggled his brows suggestively. She gave him a playful punch on the arm. “You know what I mean, you dork.”

He took her hand and intertwined their fingers loosely. “Later then, alright. Now let’s get you some cheese!” he exclaimed enthusiastically and started walking down the hallway in long steps, pulling her along.

She chuckled at his antics and fell into step beside him. “Then again, I could just listen to you talk to get my cheese.”

“Ha ha.”

“Cheese topped with sarcasm.”

“Mmh, your favorite.”

For some reason, Astrid wasn’t surprised how easily they’d fallen back into their old dynamic. Interacting with Hiccup came so natural to her.

Maybe she would get hurt, maybe everything would work out perfectly fine. But no matter what, she would not go down without fighting to her final breath.

[iwriteficsandmore]

How to Measure Love

Ho~ I’m not dead yet! I’ve come back with a vengeance! And a cute little oneshot for you all :) This idea came to me with reversed roles actually (you’ll know what I mean when you read it). I think I like how it came out better like this. It’s always great to write from Hawks’ perspective :3 Enjoy, peeps ♥

======== 

Hawks couldn't believe the awful dilemma he was in.

Ever since you came to work at his agency as recent two-year PR graduate, you'd swept everyone off their feet with your charm. It wasn't like you were trying to either. Hawks could spot a liar and superficial ass when he saw one, and after spending hours on end at work with you, he could tell you weren't that kind of person. Young and sweet, more like it, and quite the space cadet at times. It always amazed him how kind you could be and that it came from a genuine desire to help others. You should've been a hero—one that, unlike many he knew and heard of, would care more about the people that about herself. And he liked that about you. 

You were easy to talk to, easy and a pleasure to just be around with, and the way you worried in a way that wasn't pushy but sincerely caring was endearing. It seriously took less than the short months of you working at his agency for Hawks to fall for you.

But that wasn't the problem. Fraternizing wasn't something prohibited in his agency per se. All that he asked was that it didn't happen at the office and that it didn't interfere with their work. Otherwise it was a-okay with him. No, that wasn't the problem.

What actually was...

"That’s sweet." Hawks perked up at hearing one of his sidekick's words as they walked through the agency while heading out. 

Amber eyes caught sight of the large bouquet in your hands just freshly delivered by the look of things. Bright, colorful flowers brushed against your skin as you leaned in to take a deep inhale of their scent. The light tint of rose on your cheeks and the chirpy compliments and comments from the receptionists that must've gotten the gossip told him exactly who those were from. Your boyfriend.

"Ladies," Hawks couldn't keep from speaking up as they passed the PR office. All of them, yourself included, jumped a little at being busted fanning over the bouquet. 

"B-Boss?!"

Giving them all a tight-lipped smile, he eyed each and every one chidingly until he came to you. Though flustered, you couldn't quite put into a words any sort of excuse. 

"Lovely flowers, y/n," he complimented. "They'll need a vase if you want them to live long. I'd do that fast if I were you."

"A-Ah, yes, of course!"

You scamper off your seat, rounding your desk and dashing out of the office with the rest of the women. The smile left him as he watched your receding back and turned back to glare at the bouquet. 

"Boss, we're gonna be late for patrol!"

"Coming."

Hawks met the lucky bastard once. You had stayed behind at the office doing damage control on an absurdly and obviously fake tabloid. He'd done the same, needing to finish paperwork that he'd let pile up after weeks. Coincidentally both of you finished at the same time and met at the lobby. Hawks praised his good luck, fully intending to use the chance to the fullest. You were talking like nothing, settling into a calm that he loved, when he asked if he could take or walk you home. Like always, you grew a little flustered and stumbled on yours words.

For some reason, Hawks thought that you'd say yes.

"A-Actually, I'm getting picked-"

"Y/n!"

But hearing another man's voice call your name as he approached quickly shot that down and his hopes with it. Hawks' expression turned nonchalant at the way he'd so clumsily gotten to you and rubbed the back of his head.

"Sorry about the wait. Got out late from work too."

"It's alright," you interjected, a smiling coming to your lovely lips as you turned towards Hawks. "Hawks-san, this is my boyfriend. He's taking me home."

"Oh." Not wanting for you to see the way those words pained him, Hawks feigned a grin, shaking his hand when he offered it. "Well, guess you'll be fine getting home then. See you tomorrow."

It'd been the punch in the gut of a lifetime. He was in love with someone who already had somebody else. Fuck... What shit luck he had. Despite knowing this though, he couldn't help feeling the way he did about you. He knew how stupid it was to be in love for someone who couldn't reciprocate back. Being that what it may, Hawks wasn't one to just let go of things. He wouldn't interfere, but it would certainly take a while for him to fall out of love. Especially when you saw each other on the daily. 

Hawks was out on a walk—pouting about this exact thing after being reminded when your boyfriend sent you yet another bouquet to the office—when he saw it. It was a restaurant that he frequented because he liked their food and also because they kept a low profile regarding who they served. Hawks was on the other side of the street when he saw them come out. Your boyfriend—but it wasn't you who walked by his side. It wasn't you who he was chatting with a little too amicably. And it definitely wasn't you who he was kissing. 

He promised himself he wouldn't interfere. It was your love life. Not something he had any say in. But this? 

Fucker's got something coming.

Blood boiling, Hawks swooped down before the couple of them, his wings brandished off as he smirked lopsidedly at him. At recognizing him, your shit-excuse of a boyfriend blanched while the woman with him gawked in awe at the No.2 hero. Feigning a smile that he knew got through quite menacingly depending on who saw it, Hawks tilted his head to the side. 

"Well, hello there. Fancy meeting you here. On a date."

Fucker tried every excuse on the book, taking his arm off from the woman even. But it was all too little, too late. Hawks knew what he'd seen. And he knew exactly what he was.

"This isn't what it looks like."

"No?" Hawks chuckled, turning to the lady that had been accompanying the bastard with a candid smile. "Sweetheart, did you know that the man who just took you to dinner has a girlfriend?"

She exploded almost instantly. "What?!"

"Yep!" Amber eyes glinted with mischief and delight at seeing him squirm. "If I'm not wrong, they've been dating for five months already.”

"You!" She spun livid, red-faced at the news before hitting him a couple of times. "I fucking knew it! You've been cheating on me!"

Hawks felt that sink in heavily and saw red for a moment. You weren't his actual girlfriend. You were the ass's bit on the side. Fucking idiot. Though he enjoyed how pathetic the guy was trying to excuse himself when the lady left, Hawks' business wasn't with her. All he wanted was to leave one thing very clear.

"Look here, buddy," Hawks drawled, emphasizing acerbically the last word to make himself clear. "I don't care what you do with your life. You could go jump off a cliff and I'd be glad to watch. What I won't stand for is you two-timing y/n."

"Y/n? This is about her?"

"Yes, dumbass, it is. Now," Hawks unfurled his wings to their full span, stepping closer and grabbing the guy by the collar of his shirt. "You're going to go see her, tell her the truth, and fucking pray that I don't feel like hunting you down after you hurt her 'cause be-lieve-me," his feathers tensed, sharpening at the rabid rage coursing through him, "there won't be shit left of you when I do."

======

Hawks swore he blew a gasket the moment he saw the bouquet of roses on your desk the next day. By the content expression on your face it was than clear that the coward hadn't said a thing. Bastard. Hawks didn't know why he trusted he would. He didn't understand how the threat of obvious bodily harm by his hand didn't do the trick. But it hadn't. And you were still none the wiser of what the bastard was doing to you. Hawks avoided you the rest of the day. What he knew wasn't something for him to divulge, no matter how much he wanted to. No, this wasn't his place despite how much he wished it were. He almost went the whole day without talking to you—a torture in and of itself—when you caught him as he was just leaving his office.

"Hawks-san, can I have a moment to speak to you?" He almost declined. He'd been this close from saying no to you. "Please?" That utterly broke him.

He took you in to his office, offering you a seat which you deftly declined yourself with a wave of your hand and a smile. For once, he felt nervous. He couldn't tell what you wanted to talk about and that set his panic off. But when that usually cheerful demeanor of yours changed to a rather solemn one behind a tight-lipped smile, Hawks could tell what this was about almost instantly. 

"You ran into h/n yesterday, didn't you?"

It didn't really sound like a question. More like a suspicion that she wanted verified. And because Hawks wasn't one to hold back, he answered her truthfully.

"I did."

"You saw him coming out of a restaurant...with another woman?"

"Yeah."

"I see." You took a deep breath and wiped your face and tears away with the back of your hands. "Thank you for being honest with me."

"It's the least I can do," he replied. Silenced for a moment, Hawks tried to reach out to touch your shoulder, "Are you—"

"I knew he was cheating on me."

His fingers and feathers twitched at the sudden declaration and he stared at you befuddled. "You did?" You nodded still wiping tears that streamed down your face. 

"I-I guess I kind of suspected it—ever since we started dating, actually—that I wasn't really the only one he was seeing." A weird smile came to her lips even though her tears were still rolling down her reddened cheeks. "But I let it be. I told myself not to mind it. Because, really, he was the first to ask me out. I...I hadn't really gone out with anybody before that, not really. And he asked me out, you know? He's made me feel real special and I-I'm happy..." The moment you choked on your words as a sob broke from you lips, you trembled obviously not believing the blatant lie spilling from your lips.

"Y/n," Hawks spoke softly, and gently took your arm to lead you to seat down as he crouched before you to better look at you. "You can't tell me that like this and expect me to believe that you're really happy with someone who doesn't love you?"

"But he does love me. He always sends me flowers. He always texts me that he loves me. He always makes dinner for us at home."

Hawks didn't know who you were trying to convince anymore. 

"I don't want to be a downer but have you ever asked yourself why he never brings the flowers himself? Does he call you to say it too? Does he ever take you out in public anywhere?"

The questions seemed to only prove what they both already knew for a fact. And yet... 

"I thought it'd be fine if I just ignored it." She chuckled, but it sounded muffled behind her sobs. "Because I didn't want to confront him. I didn't want to lose him. No one's gonna love me like that—I don't deserve it."

Not true.

"That's not true." He didn't know what spurred him to speak. It didn't matter though. He wasn't going to keep quiet any longer. "I love you."

You scoffed at his response, the incredulous gesture sounding rather off putting coming from you. "No, you don't. You just feel bad for having been the one to unearth all this."

"You don't get to laugh at what I feel, much less tell me what it is." Hawks reached his hands up and held yours in his gently as his thumbs soothingly stroked the back of your hands. For once, those teary eyes gazed at your joined hands before lifting it up to meet amber eyes. "I love you, y/n. And I have ever since I met you." Finally, realization settled in your eyes. You shook your head over and over again despite the tint of red starting to color your cheeks. Hawks nodded his head trying to get it through yours. "But it doesn't matter who loves you and who doesn't. Not if you don't love yourself first."

"...w-what?"

"Don't ever think you don't deserve to be loved or to be happy. You do. Everybody does. Regardless of what shit life hits them with or what you think of yourself. Because none of it is true. You deserve more than that bastard or anybody can give you. Hell, I don't even know if I can give you what you deserve, but I'll be damned if I don't at least try." Hawks squeezed yours hands and you could feel just how true his words were from the intense yet adoring look he gave you. "But none of it will matter unless you care about yourself first, y/n. And you have to care enough to realize when something doesn't make you happy. Enough to kick that shit that doesn't make you happy out on the curb and care about yourself first. 'Cause I don't think anybody will love you as deeply or as sincerely as you will ever love yourself."

Your eyes wandered as his words sunk in. Hawks felt your fingers grip his hand tightly then. A smile came to your lips, a more sincere one than before as you broke his hold on your hands to wipe your face clean of dried tears. 

"Thank you, Hawks. I...I think I get what you mean to say."

"That's great to hear." A small, cautious smile spread across his face at hearing that. "Are you going home?" You nodded while still wiping away. "Let me walk you then. It's kind of late."

Hawks didn't know what to expect when he walked you home. You thanked him when you got to the front gate, bouquet of roses in your arms, before telling him you'd see him tomorrow. Giving you a wry smile, he dismissed himself and took flight but stopped only feet above where you wouldn't see him. Hawks waited with bated breath as you walked the length to your front steps and stopped. It was obvious how petrified you were to walk through that door and meet the one who obviously parked his car on the curb. Hawks was too. But relief settled through him and he smiled at you when you walked to the trash can, lifted the lid, and dumped the roses inside before walking into the house. 

Seeing you do that gave him hope. After that, he trusted that you would do what was right for yourself.  

===========

You called in sick the next day. Worried, Hawks called your home just in case but was relieved to here that you were fine, just taking the day off, and the weekend following that, to move out and get a small apartment. It gladdened him to hear that and joked around with you for a bit, saying that if you needed help to just give him a call and he'd go flying.

After that and as the days rolled by, Hawks could tell how you slowly returned to your former, cheery self. It was hard at first. No more flowers coming almost every other day got the receptionists at the front desk gossiping but it wasn't nothing he couldn't stop with a stern look and a mild offhand comment. You thanked him with a smile anytime that happened. As you took your time, Hawks did his best to simply go back to the way things used to be between you two. Just a simply employer-employee relationship. It was hard for him, to say the least. He'd confessed—poorly timed, yes, but did so all the same. And though he would've loved an answer, he knew that you came first. It didn't seem like that fact went over your head though. Hawks noticed from time to time just how flustered you would get around him, and that gave him a little bit of hope. Enough to wait around for as long as needed. Days became weeks which became months. Soon the end of the year came and Hawks threw a little party for all the employs of the agency. It wasn't anything much, just a little potluck for everyone where all those who went could bring something. Though you weren't up to it at first, he and some others, those who eventually found out about your break up, convinced you to join and spend the night having a little fun. 

It was barely ten when Hawks decided that it'd be a good time to go for the seventh beer. Though he wasn't much a drinker, he supposed that celebrating once a year like that wasn't too bad. You caught him mid-sip when you called out his name after having followed behind him. Choking a little from the startle, Hawks chuckled in an attempt to hide the clearing of his throat.

"Y/n? What's up?"

"Nothing, just wanted a little fresh air," you said, cupping your hands and covering your mouth a little to blow warm air into them. Puffs of white floated away each time and Hawks grinned before going back to drinking his beer. 

"Fresh is an understatement," he added. His wings unfurled behind him before one settle back and the other curled around you to keep the cold breeze from crashing too hard against your back. "Too much party for you?"

"Hardly." You chuckle taking a peek over your shoulder and through his feathers at the party still going on behind closed doors. "I'm having fun, actually. Just that they wanted to play some drinking game and I kind of have to drive home."

"Could always get a cab," he offered as he lowered the can from his lips and held it out before him for emphasis. 

"Okay, maybe I don't want to drink that much."

Coyly, you reached out and took the can of beer before Hawks knew it. Bringing it to your lips, you took a gulp of the bitter beverage and your face scrunched up a little at the taste before you gave it back. 

Hawks raised an eyebrow, sloshing the remaining beer around in the can. "What happened to 'I don't want to drink'?"

"I said 'much'. I don't want to drink much," you reiterated. That brought a chuckle out of him and you returned to the blissful quiet that he enjoyed about being with you, even now after a year of what happened. The calming talks, the chill silence, and just your presence was enough to put him completely at ease. And though it still ached a little, Hawks never could forget about you nor about the way you made him feel. 

"Um...Hawks-san?"

"Yeah?”

"I know it's been a long time and you probably don't remember but I want to thank you again. For what you did when I joined your agency."

Hawks knew perfectly well what you meant. Not a day went by that he didn't think of that and how strong you've been to let go and put yourself first. 

He raised his can, toasting to that. "No need to thank me. You did all the work, after all. I was just the cute cheerleader on the sidelines."

"No, you were more than that." Heavy as you were breathing, bigger and bigger puffs of white, cool air escaped your mouth. The nip in the air got reddened your face too, nipping at your cheekbones, ears, and tip of your nose. "You're the reason my life's been so much better. And I've been wanting to thank you everyday for that."

"You're a great PR agent, y/n," he chuckled, his own face starting to go a little numb from the cold. "That you keep outta trouble is more than enough."

"I don't mean as your PR agent, Hawks-san. I mean—oh, boy, how do I put this? I...think that what I want to say is...I like you, Hawks-san."

Hawks almost dropped the can of beer but held it tightly to avoid that travesty, denting the aluminum a bit. Laughing a little and feeling the warmth crawling over his face, Hawks instantly crouched down and wrapped his wings around him like a safety cocoon. Worried out of your mind, you kneel closer, crying out that you were sorry about surprising him like that. That just made him laugh a little more but he refused to unravel himself yet. 

It wasn't until your fingers poked deep enough through the feathery curtain and parted it that his amber eyes met yours. 

"Are you okay?" you asked timidly.

"Yeah," he mumbled, running his hand over and over through his hair and messing it up worse each time. In the end, his wings unfurled to reveal him as he crouched down and looked at you with a simple turn of his head. "It's just that I've been waiting such a long time to hear that that it took me by surprise."

"Really?" you perked up, curious. "Since when?"

"Since the day I confessed to you."

Your face turned bright red, this time it surely wasn't from the cold. Scooting to be as close as you could be to him, you waited as he sat back on the cold concrete before speaking.

"I'm sorry for making you wait so long for an answer."

"Don't be." Hawks chuckled before reaching his hand to cup your cheek. You didn't pull away as the warmth of it pooled against your cheek. Instead you savored it with a smile. "Not unless you intend to say that and leave it me hanging."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is if that confession means anything else. Like you wanting me to be your boyfriend, for example.”

"I-I—yes," you replied, after a momentary stumble, your eyes glinting briefly. "I-I'd love to be your girlfriend...Hawks. If you'd be okay with me."

Hawks chuckled before leaning in and bringing you closer by his hold on your cheek. Before you knew it, his lips brushed against yours. Barely even a whisper. But as he began to pull away you jumped forward again, stumbling into him and deepening the kiss at the same time. He laughed into your kiss but followed suit with your approach until you pulled back. Snorting a little, he kissed the tip of your cold nose before brushing his thumb over your cheek.  

"Believe me, there's no one I'd rather be with than you."

[poorreputation]

SPN 1X01 Pilot Retrospective Meta

Tag list for old episodes meta! (let me know if you wanna be tagged):

@emblue-sparks @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @evvvissticante @dea-stiel @sudo-apt-get-destiel @wildligia (tumbler’s not letting me tag you, sorry)

Pre re-watch notes/things to touch on:

Comparing the Woman in White to John, Sam and Mary/hindsight notes.

S1 motivations vs. S14/15 endgame.

Episode Notes:

Written by: Eric Kripke

Directed by: David Nutter

A long post, so I will put it behind the cut.

Lawrence, Kansas

22 years ago

We begin our tale with Mary bringing Dean into Sam's nursery to say goodnight. John enters the room, and in a nice bit of short-hand, he's wearing a USMC (United States Marine Corps) shirt, showing John was a soldier.

There's a shot of Mary and John in a picture. We already know they're married, so why is it here?

Mary thinks it's John in the nursery, only to find him asleep in the living room in front of the TV. (again, a connection to John's past, he's fallen asleep watching a war movie)

Something that'll become a continuity issue, later in the show: Mary's many years of experience being a Hunter, only to not recognize the flickering of lights as a sign of trouble.

Of course, Mary's wearing a white gown, (white is usually seen as a pure color/ of purity, but in this instance a connection to the Woman in White/see Jess later)

Mary's dead, and everyone involved is scarred for life.

The look on John's face, as we finish the Lawrence sequence, is that of a broken man, who's seen something that will eat away at his mind.

Stanford University Present Day (2005)

Okay, the first image we see of Jess is her in a nurse's costume, white with red trimming. Jess also has medium length curly blond hair. Guys, she looks like Mary, especially in Mary's death scene (white gown, covered in blood). 

We focus in on the picture of Mary and John for visual shorthand, confirming this is a grown-up Sam.

We establish Sam is "scary" smart, has aspirations of becoming a lawyer, and has a job interview on Monday.

Jess: "Knock 'em dead on Monday." laying it on thick, Kripke.

Sam: "What would I do without you?"

Jess: "Crash and burn."

*smooch*

Damn you, Kripke.

Night scene, and holy shit, why do Sam and Jess have so many plants? Why doesn't future Sam have plants in the bunker, you know, something low maintenance?

Dean, why the fuck can't you use the door? Or a phone?

From the get-go, Dean's cocky, suffers from eldest sibling syndrome, and is a shameless horn-dog.

Sam: "He's on a Miller time shift." See, when I first watched the pilot, years ago, I didn't realize this was Sam implying John was a drunk. These things would just fly over my head.

Sam wants to make a point of including Jess in the conversation, of being honest. And yet, the moment Dean says John is on a hunt and hasn't returned, that honesty goes right out the window. More on that later.

Sam and Dean's exposition dump in the hallway, a part of me feels it's an odd way to catch the audience up to speed, while the other part of me knows this is how families argue when they spend most of their time biting their tongues. Sam especially seems the type to mull over his thoughts, storing away comebacks for the perfect moment when they'll be most effective (like later in the episode). Also, it's been years since the brothers have seen each other (we're told later it's been at least 2 years since Dean bothered Sam), they're so icy towards one another.

Sam: "You think Mom would've wanted this for us?" we'd find this out later in S4, but, no. Funny enough, maybe if Mary shared her knowledge of Hunting, something more could've been done (foreshadowing).

Dean: "What're you gonna do? Just live some normal, apple pie life?" Dean, if you'd only taken your own advice, we could've avoided S6.

Sam, paraphrasing John: "If you're gonna go, stay gone." Well, that's only very emotionally manipulative.It does, however, remind me of the U.S. military’s views on those dishonorably discharged, and since John raised them as "warriors", it's not a stretch to think, in a time of crisis, John treated his sons as soldiers.

Dean: "I can't do this alone."

Sam: "Yes, you can."

Dean: "Yeah, well, I don't want to."

This exchange, this vulnerability from Dean, after his initial introduction of being a cocky asshole who hits on his brother's girlfriend, shows just how much of a facade Dean's attitude is. In the end, he's a kid scared of losing his Dad.

It's this vulnerability that convinces Sam to listen.

Come the fuck on, "I can never go home." after we establish Sam left John and Dean, left Hunting behind, and was told to never come back (home). KRIPKE. YOU'RE *not* SUBTLE.

2 years, Dean says, since they last talked. Either Sam entered college late, (20 rather than 18) or Sam and Dean kept in touch even after Sam and John's blow-out fight.

Again, Jess pries for more info, and Sam changes the subject. Nope, that’s not gonna bite him in the ass, at all.

Jericho, California

(insert biblical/wrestling reference here)

We meet monster fodder, I mean, some random dude, who tells his girlfriend Amy over the phone he can't see her that night. He slows down to a stop and picks up the Woman in White.

Anyway, another example of a young woman with curly, medium length hair in a white gown/dress. I mean, her house even looks a bit like John and Mary's old place.

We get a brief, blurry shot of the Woman in White and her kids. Sorry, but if you're familiar with the legend of her/La Llorona, it's easy to see where this is going.

Oh, and whatshisface is dead.

Chips and soda. Breakfast of champions.

Sam's being a real sassy bitch about how Dean and John get their funds. I get it, world-building for the audience, bit it shows just how passive aggressive Sam is in these early seasons; Dean's clearly playing moderator between Sam and an absent John.

Sam: "Black Sabbath, Motorhead, Metalica? It's the greatest hits of mullet rock." Sam, it's not Dean's fault you have poor taste. Shut your cakehole.

Sam: "Sammy's a chubby 12 year old." or, it's what a big brother says to his infant sibling to calm him down, oh wait.

Monster bait's name is Troy. Yeah, I don't care.

Dean sassing the officer and Sam stomping Dean's foot. Yep, they're brothers. This interaction is where their chemistry really starts to shine through.

Amy and her friend are peak mid-2000's goths/emos, good lord.

Dean's "I told you so" smart-ass look as the friend shares the rumors in town, he's such an older sibling.

They... they never tell Amy what happened to her asshole boyfriend, huh? Well. Sucks for Amy.

Researching on a public library computer, fucking hell. (nothing wrong with that, I’ve worked in a public library, but they’re doing super-secret Hunter’s stuff in such a public place)

Have it paused on a photo of Constance Welch, the Woman in White, and the article mentions her husband's exact line of work; associate manager who works the graveyard shift at Frontier auto salvage. Gives me shades of Bobby, who also lost his wife under tragic circumstances.

A mother leaves her child unattended, comes back to check on them, tragedy strikes. Or, so the story goes.

Dean confronts Sam about living a life of willful ignorance, and even asks if Jess knows the truth. Sam makes it clear she doesn't and he intends it to stay that way, as Dean sarcastically quips, "That's healthy".

Really, the more I think about it, the more S6 feels like the inverse of S1; Dean tries to live a normal life, Sam comes stomping in to rain on his parade. Lisa is kept largely in the dark about Dean's past, and gets hurt because of it.

Dean: "You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later, you're gonna have to face up to who you are."

Sam: "And who's that?"

Dean: "One of us."

Sam: "No. I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life."

Sam thinks Dean's just talking about Hunting, but Dean means more than that, he means family. One of us, Dad and me, a Hunter and a Winchester.

Sam: "Mom's not coming back." and so on about how he doesn’t even remember Mary, doesn’t share John’s obsession. 

Dean: "No chick flick moments." Dean, dude, bro, you're the one who started this by breaking into Sam's place like a dramatic bitch, and then proceeded to give life/relationship advice. It's already a chick flick.

John's room being covered head-to-toe in case notes, only to come to the obvious conclusion it's the Woman in White. But, Sam said, because of the salt line, John was worried. Now, as far as I can remember, John was never a target of this spirit, so, I think he was paranoid about Yellow Eyes. After all, John had notes on devils/demons up, too, so maybe. I could be wrong.

There's something amusing about Sam and Dean's first duo Hunt, one without John, includes one of them getting arrested. Just, how rare that happens in the rest of the show, compared to how many laws they break daily.

Sam talks to Joseph Welch, who seems to wear the same clothes as Bobby. Also, Sam looks like a giant standing next to him.

Joseph lies to Sam's face about his and Constance's marriage, and it takes Sam a moment to work up the nerve to call him out on it. Or, it's Sam losing his temper. They're dealing with a murderous ghost, after all, and this guy wants to hide the truth.

Sam's done with lying witnesses, and now he's making fake calls to the cops. Gloves are OFF.

So, it's revealed John's purposefully leaving Sam and Dean clues, the journal, and the coordinates, but won't outright tell the truth.

Sam: "I'm not unfaithful. I've never been." See, Sam, that's only in the cheating department. You are, however, keeping Jess in the dark about dangerous stuff. Can any relationship with such big lies every be a faithful one?

Again, the imagery of the flickering lights. A standard in the show later for when a ghost's around, but considering all the visual parallels between the Woman in White and Mary, I think it's intentional.

That CGI of the ghosts vanishing was kinda shit, though. So is the sound of water swirling down a drain, I'm now just thinking of a toilet.

Dean: "I'll take you home." and there, in an episode where the ghost is afraid to go home and face the consequences of their actions, Sam too must go back to Jess.

Sam discovering Jess' body on the ceiling, as the room's engulfed in flames, never fails to give me chills. Hot damn.

Post Episode Notes:

While the pilot is a treasure trove of world building, plotting of character arcs, and chemistry between Jared and Jensen, it still doesn't make up for the fact it's bookended with 2 women getting fridged. Mary and Jess don't get to be characters, only fuel for man-pain, and argue with me all you want, but Mary's send-off in S14 is far superior to what she got in the pilot.

I remember seeing Kripke discuss how many drafts they went through while writing the pilot, and it feels like that at quite a few points. Like maybe the sheriff was to get more time, or Troy's father, who I believe is a cop, would've been more vital to the plot. And Amy, who'll spend who knows how many weeks and months putting up missing person posters for Troy.

I believe Kripke also said they'd considered killing John at the end, rather than Jess. I think, and this is pure speculation, the more they went into the lore for the Woman in White, the more they knew Jess had to die. I don't like it, wish they could've done it different, but it fits the story they wanted to tell.

The Woman in White, John, Mary and Sam, in hindsight

It's a retcon from S4, but if Mary was honest with John about her past as a Hunter, maybe they'd have a better chance with fighting Azazel. It's tragically paralleled to Sam not telling Jess about his own past, which may have prevented her death. And while you could say Heaven and Hell would still have their way, and shape Sam and Dean the way they want to, I'd like to think, given the chance, free will could prevail, And, look at how often keeping secrets is framed as one of the worst things the characters could do to each other?

Additionally, if John had been honest with Sam and Dean about what he wanted them to do, and what kind of danger they were really in, maybe Sam wouldn't have left Jess alone.

Thank you for reading this monstrosity of a meta, I hope you enjoyed/found it interesting!

[this-is-freeridge]

The Air Between Us

Chapter Three: Mari meets the Martinez family.

Warning: this fic deals with dark themes, including but not limited to teen pregnancy, rape, drug abuse, murder, abortion, underage drinking and underage sex.

Find all chapters here

The walk through the living room to the dining table where Ruben’s family sat was a long one. Mari couldn’t help but feel like she was walking into a courthouse, on trial for something as trivial as connecting with her father. If this was a courthouse, Geny was the judge (in fact, Mari could feel the judgement from that cold scowl before she had even entered the house), the two boys and who Mari could only assume was Abuelita, were the jury and the Twitter that were running around the table in circles...well, they didn’t really fit into her analogy so she would lump them in with curious family members in the audience that were barely involved with he crime being committed.

Geny sat at the table, the side directly opposite the door - Mari couldn’t help but feel this was specifically so she could size her up the moment Ruben opened the door - with an empty seat beside her, presumed to be for Ruben.

On either end of the table were their older sons. At the end on the left was a shorter boy, no older than 15, with a crisp shirt buttoned all the way up, brown hair with curls perfectly styled on top, perfect posture and hands clasped together on the table before him. The boy on the right was the polar opposite - wild, unruly hair, a t-shirt that looked frayed from age and slouched comfortably. The second boy looked older, too; about Mari’s age. The older of the two was the only one looking at her. He was curious and she couldn’t blame him. The younger wasn’t caving, treating it as though this was a business meeting. She knew who they were, Ruben had talked about them; Ruben, or Ruby for short, and Mario. She didn’t want to sound like a creep, though, so she sad nothing.

Abuelita was sitting opposite Geny, but she was twisting her torso in order to gawk openly at Mari as she entered the house. Mari assumed the spare seat beside the woman was for her, and this proved to be correct when Ruben gestured for her to sit. She did, but Abuelita didn’t stop staring until Ruben had been seated as well.

Mari had expected Ruben would then introduce her, but nothing. It was as though now he was back by Geny’s side he was speechless, unsure what to do or say. Mari didn’t know either, so she just sat. Ruby slowly turned his head to get a look in, make his judgement calls, consider the best opening statement. He didn’t have a chance to get one out, because it was Mario that spoke first.

“Mariana, right?”

Mari nodded. Overall she preferred Mari, no one ever called her by her first name, but right now her only focus was on fitting in so she wasn’t about to correct anyone.

“I’m Mario, that’s Ruby,” he said, confirming what she already knew, “Abuelita and our mom, Geny,”

“It’s nice to meet you all,”

“So, you’re our sister, huh?”

It was more of a statement than a question, something to break the ice, but Mari felt obliged to answer.

“Yep,” she said with a small nod and popping the ‘p’. What else could she say?

Mario spoke again but turned to Ruben this time, a hard look on his face.

“How?” He asked, “she can’t be much younger than me; did you cheat on mom?”

Ruben frowned and Geny shook her head.

“Of course not!” Ruben said, “I love your mother, Mario. I always have, but as ready as we thought we were to have kids, it was hard. You were a little over one, and Geny and I were struggling. We couldn’t agree on parenting methods and we weren’t getting along, so your mother thought it best we separate for a while. Give each other some space and hope the absence made our relationship stronger.

“It did, but it took a few months. I was lonely, and the times when I didn’t have you with me, Mario, I was depressed. Then, I ran into Mari’s mother. We were high school sweethearts, and it was nice to see her. Geny wasn’t giving me any indication that we would be getting back together, so I tried a new relationship. It fizzled out because I was obviously in love with Geny, so I begged her to take me back and here we are now,”

He finished with a smile and took Geny’s hand. Mari thought she should feel something like sadness, or disappointment. He had chosen Geny over her mother, after all. Maybe if he had stuck around her upbringing may have been better. She wasn’t sad though - she could consider what ifs all day, but it wouldn’t change anything. Maybe her mother would’ve dragged Ruben down the drug-induced rabbit hole with her. All she knew was that Ruben was happy, he had a happy family and all things considered, Mariana had turned out alright herself.

“How long have you known?” Mario asked next.

He didn’t respond immediately, choosing instead to look down at the table - in shame, discomfort, Mari didn’t know. What she did know was that she needed to help him out. He may not have given them all enough time to process the news, but to his own credit Mari had only managed to find him a few months ago, so she told them just as much.

“Four months,” she announced, swallowing her nerves. All eyes turned to her, including his. Abuelita and the boys’ faces were unreadable, aside from their furrowed brows. They were focused on Mari and ready to listen and take mental notes as she spoke. It was Ruben and Geny that surprised her. Geny looked shocked - maybe Ruben had told her more recently, though he doesn’t seem to be the kind to keep a secret like that from someone he loves (and Mari could tell he loved Geny) but Ruben looked...sad, almost disappointed.

Regardless, Mari continued her story. Now she had started there was no point stopping.

“I spent almost six months searching for him,” she said, “my mom never talked about him. Whenever I asked she said she didn’t know who he was, or he was dead, or she’d make up a story; anything to get me to stop asking and make sure I never found out.

“We moved around a lot when I was a kid, before settling down in San Jose, so any records of him or anyone who might have known who he could’ve been, were long gone. Then one day, about a year ago, my mom’s new boyfriend moved in and I realised I had to get out, but I didn’t want to feel alone; I just wanted to know that I had some family out there - anyone that was better than my mom. So, I called all of the hospitals from all of the towns we ever lived in, trying to find out where I was born.

“That led me to a nurse, who led me to a Planned Parenthood clinic, that led me to an old school friend of hers, who gave me a list of people it could’ve been. I tracked down everyone on the list, but they all assured me it couldn’t have been them except, well, Ruben. We emailed back and forth a few times and when I told him I was looking to move out, he asked if I would stay here, get to know him and his side of the family.

“I understand this sounds like a stupid, elaborate story just to give me a place to stay, but I swear it isn’t. I have some money, there’s a hostel nearby that I can stay at until I find a job and can find somewhere more permanent. I don’t want to cause any trouble here, with your family, but I would like to get to know you all,”

For the first time, Ruby spoke. “Those other guys who said they weren’t your dad, how do you know they weren’t lying?”

“My mom is white,” Mari didn’t miss Geny’s eye roll as she said this, “so were those other guys,”

Ruby looked her up and down once, taking in her dark features - tan skin, dark eyes, dark hair - before nodding as if to say “yeah, that makes sense”.

“Ruben,” Abuelita said, her accent was thicker than Mari expected and there was something like shock in her voice, “you never knew about this? About her?”

To say Abuelita was shocked would be an understatement. Ruben had always been responsible and reliable. When someone had a problem they went to him to know what to do. For Ruben to have a child he didn’t know about, well, that was unlike him and Abuelita couldn’t help but feel that there was more to the story than he was letting on. She didn’t say anything for the moment, but she would find out soon enough - she always did.

Geny, who hadn’t said a word to Mari since earlier that afternoon, was having none of it. Without a word, she stood up, glanced down at Ruben and stormed into the bedroom. The door closed with a resounding slam, causing Ruben to flinch.

Mari’s heart dropped to her stomach. If Geny was his rock then Mari was a hard place and right now, he was forced to choose. His wife was clearly unhappy with the situation, but he so obviously wanted to know Mariana.

“It’s okay,” she said to him with a small nod, “you should go after her,”

Hesitation lingered on his features. “But...you came all this way,”

“And now I’m here; we have time to get to know each other. Go talk to her, give everyone some time to process, and we can try this family dinner again next weekend. I’ll even cook,”

Ruben smiled and reached across the table to grab her hand. How was he so lucky to end up with such a mature daughter? He was grateful to her, he just hoped he could make it up.

“Ruby, Mario,” he said, looking between his boys, “can you two be nice to Mari? Get to know her, maybe show her around Freeridge a bit?”

The moment the boys agree, Ruben was up and gone. Though she wanted him to go and be with Geny, her anxiety had suddenly peaked at being alone with her long lost half brothers and Abuelita.

The four of them sat at the table in silence. Before Mari had a chance to speak to the older lady or properly introduce herself, Abuelita threw her hands up and muttered something under her breath that sounded to Mari like “I’m not needed here” and left the table.

And then there were three. Until Mario stood too, that is.

“I actually have a date with Angelica,” he said and with a small smile and a shrug sorry, he left too.

Ruby glanced across at Mari, unsure. They both shifted uncomfortably in their seats - neither had been in this position before. What were they supposed to do now.

“You don’t have to-” and “I was going to-” they spoke at the same time.

“You go,” Ruby said. “Ladies first,”

The sentiment was funny coming from a boy his age, but he seemed genuine. He had manners, and Mari wondered if that was something that was raised in them or if it was just him.

“I just wanted to say that you don’t have to do anything. I can show myself around, really, and I wouldn’t tell Ruben if you had better things to do,”

“I mean, I’m meant to be hanging with Cesar and Jamal today,” he stated with a sort of half shrug,  as if those names meant anything to her, “Cesar’s brother just got outta prison a few days ago though, so we don’t know it he can chill,”

At this point, Mari could tell Ruby was just talking to himself, but she nodded along anyway. She was in no position to argue with anyone. This was their life she had walked into, how could she ask them to drop anything?

“Oh,” Ruby said (and to be honest, Mari was so in her own mind that she hadn’t realised he was still talking), “you can come, if you want,”

He shrugged nonchalantly, as though he hadn’t invited her as an afterthought. She smiled though. She could tell that behind that unconcerned mask he was putting on, he was curious about her - maybe even a little excited. From fear of scaring him off, she didn’t say anything about it, but agreed nonetheless. She was curious, and even excited, about them too.

The walk to Jamal’s was a short one but Mari picked at her cuticles, a nervous habit she’d had her whole life, the entire time. The tension left the moment she met the boy. He was tall and lanky with a bright smile and hyperactive personality and she could tell they would get along fine.

He stared a little when they first met.

“You look alike,” he said.

“It’s the babyface,” she replied with a shrug and a halfhearted “sorry, man,” to Ruby. Ruby only agreed and muttered something about Ruben’s genes.

The three of them chatted as they headed toward Cesar’s house, but Mari’s heart wasn’t in it. Mari had never been good with directions, but something about this road was familiar. She was trying to put her finger on it but she was struggling. Maybe it only seemed familiar because nothing was, or maybe it was deja vu.

It didn’t dawn on her until they had already arrived - they were at Spooky’s house.

.

Taglist: @grayberrydolan (I’m sorry I’ve had you tagged the whole time the chapter has been up but just saw it didn’t actually tag you????) @lostgirl219 @atomicgardendeaneagle @kseniainneverland @ravengreystone @kcrollinasdean @titogerebito @xolourdesxo @uniquelynormal92 @weediskindabad @dkbatv2 @moistdollerbills @javoqetal @kenzie44469 @mygloomytearrs @batgirl099 @goddessate @cherrythingz @blackdepressoexpresso @classyputa @babygirl-htx @wonderlandlovelove @cacapoodlepoo @friedpicklesoups @agent-femmefatale

Tumblr doesn’t let me tag half these people but I want y’all to know i’m still trying.

[svucarisiaddict]

Betrayed Series- On Guard

//This will have two different ending. One happy, the other a little less so.//

“You didn’t have to bring me home, Sonny. My Mom and Amanda both offered,” you said as you unlocked the front door.

He followed you in the apartment and sat your purse and work bag down on the chair. “I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to.”

Your brow furrowed as you looked around the apartment.

Sonny caught your expression. “Oh yeah. I hired a cleaning company to come in and clean once a week at least until the baby is born. Hope you don’t mind. You’re supposed to be relaxing so...”

“No, not at all. That was a very thoughtful thing to do. Thank you.” You reached out to touch his hand giving him a kind smile.

Sonny cleared his throat. “So, Lieu said I could have a couple days off. Whatever you need I’ll be here. Well not here, here. I’ll still stay at Bella and Tommy’s-

“It’s okay if you stay here,” you interrupted. “I feel safer when you’re here.”

“It makes me feel better too.” Sonny clapped his hands together. “Now. You go take that shower you’ve been looking forward to and I’ll start dinner.”

The shower felt so good as the hot water cascaded over your body you didn’t want to get out. Knowing Sonny would want to shower before he went to bed you turned off the water and stepped from the tub. You put your hair up in a towel then dried yourself off. After slipping on panties and one of Sonny’s T-shirts you went to see if he needed help in the kitchen.

Sonny took a double take when you shuffled into the kitchen. “Still wearing my shirts, huh?”

“At this point, they’re basically all the sleepwear that fits,” you said and rubbed your belly. “Can I help with anything?” You peeked around Sonny where he was stirring the sauce for spaghetti.

“Just sit.” He pointed to the table and kissed your temple.

“This is so good. Thank you.” You dipped your bread in the last of the sauce and took a bite.

“My pleasure.” Sonny stood from the table and started clearing plates. “I’ll clean up dinner.”

“Let me help. I can rinse a dish you know.”

Sonny raised one brow at you and pursed his lips. “Not on my watch doll. You’re only job is taking care of you and our little girl.”

“Fine. Can I at least be trusted to pick out a movie to watch?” you huffed.

“Possibly,” Sonny responded with a wink.

After Sonny showered he sat on the opposite end of the couch. “Pretty in Pink?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “We are having a girl. Seems appropriate.”

Sonny rolled his eyes. “Seems like a stretch to me but whatever.” A smile played at the corner of his mouth.

You pushed yourself to a standing position. “Ice cream?”

Sonny stood as well. “I got it.”

Following him into the kitchen you watched as he took the ice cream from the freezer and got the scooper, bowls, and spoons down. You walked over and put your arms around his middle, your cheek resting in the middle of his back. “I don’t hate you Sonny. What I said last night I don’t mean it.”

His one hand covered both of yours. “You did at the time.” He laid the scooper down on the counter and turned to face you. This time it was Sonny who wrapped his arms around you.

“Yeah. You’re right I did.”

Sonny pulled you in for a hug. His phone dinged indicating a text message. He released you from the hug and picked up his phone. His brow furrowed. “I���ll be right back. Need to make a call.”

You nodded as he walked down the hall to the bedroom. Immediately your guard was up.  Before the “almost cheating” he never took or made a phone call in private. “Who was texting him? Was is the girl he met undercover? That was dumb, she went to prison as well as her brother. Maybe he met someone else. The two if you were broken up after all. If he wasn’t trying to hide anything, then why didn’t he just make the call with you present?” you asked yourself and tried to reason. But your brain was having nothing to do with reason. Speculation, suspicion, overthinking, that’s what was happening right now.

You shook your head. You were being silly. There was a nagging thought in the back of your mind. When Sonny came from the bedroom he slammed the door startling you.

“I have to go for a little bit,” he announced. He had changed back into his suit. He tied up his shoes and slid on his coat.

“Where are you going?” you asked in a small voice. ‘Please let me believe him. Please tell the truth.’ you said to yourself.

“Work. Have to...tie up a few loose ends.” He gave you a tight smile. “Don’t wait up.” Then he was out the door and gone.

Wrapping your arms around yourself you looked around the apartment. Alone again. Story of your life the last few months. Going into the kitchen you started crying when you found the melted ice cream. “What a great way to end the day.”

At 11:00pm you heard Sonny come back. His footsteps were quiet with the floorboards creaking as he walked down the hall. He eased the door open allowing some light to come into the room. You heard him take off his clothes then move around the room. All the while you pretended to sleep. He didn’t have to know you stayed awake until he got home.

Sonny rounded to your side of the bed. He gently placed a hand to your belly. “Hey, there little girl it’s your Daddy. I’ve really messed things up but I’m going to fix them. I promise.” He leaned over and kissed your temple and whispered, “I love you, Y/N.”

Sonny was making breakfast when you got up the next morning. Bacon and Belgian waffles, your favorite. Sonny sat a plate in front of you. “Mornin’. Sleep okay?”

“I did.” Stabbing a piece of waffle you took a bite. “You must have got in late.”

“It was late. Around 11pm I think. Hope I didn’t wake you,” he said apologetically.

You shook your head as you stood to get a juice glass. “Hope the couch wasn’t too uncomfortable.”

“I made it work. Slept in far worse places,” Sonny commented. He sat across from you and started eating his breakfast. “So, what do you wanna do today?”

Plopping back down on your chair you shrugged your shoulders. “I dunno. I thought about working in the nursery. Nothing strenuous I promise,” you added when Sonny raised a brow. “The crib and changing table need to be assembled if you don’t mind.”

“I’m on it. Hey, I was wondering if you had thought about any names?” Sonny asked.

“A couple. You?”

“Same.” He grinned. “Wanna share or is it a secret?”

“You’re not going to like them,” you warned.

“Try me.”

“Okay Sierra, Everly, Laurel, and Maren,” you said. You watched his reaction.

Sonny nodded his head. “Laurel. As in Laurel and Hardy?”

You paused mid-bite. “That was my favorite.” An overwhelming desire to cry overtook and the tear floodgates opened.

“I’m sorry. What did I say?” Sonny stood and came over to put his arm around you. “Laurel is pretty. Kids aren’t going to know who Laurel and Hardy were.” Sonny gave you his handkerchief.

“It’s not the name. I don’t know what it is, just hormones I guess.” You dabbed your eyes with Sonny’s handkerchief.

“Are you sure?” He pushed a piece of hair from your face.

“Yep,” Giving him a weak smile you continued to eat.

Sonny's face appeared that he didn’t believe you, but he sat back down and continued eating.

“So. You have any names in mind?” you asked.

He smiled. “I have. Elizabeth, Julianna, Willa, and Ava.”

Raising your brows you were slightly surprised by his choices. “I like those. Let’s take a couple weeks to narrow down to our two favorites then pick.”

“Good plan. I’m going to get started on the crib.” Sonny placed both your plates in the sink and walked down the hall to the nursery.

A couple weeks later you decided to surprise Sonny at work and take him to lunch. You and Sonny had been working to rebuild your relationship. It was something you were struggling with to trust him again but things were getting better. The only people there were uniformed officers. “Hi. I’m looking for Sonny,” you said to the young cop.

“Your name?”

“Y/N. I’m his-”

He looked at your belly. “Mrs. Carisi? I didn’t know he was with anyone let alone married. He never wears a ring. He’s a great guy. Always so nice.”

You pursed your lips. The last thing you needed was someone fangirling over your less than moral fiancee, no boyfriend, baby daddy? Actually, you weren’t sure what you were anymore. “Yeah. He’s a great guy. Is he here?”

“No, he left a couple hours ago with a woman.”

“Did he say where he was going?”

The sound of Sonny’s laugh caught your attention. He was accompanied by a woman that you hadn’t seen before. She touched his arm. “You are going to be very happy you said yes. I’ll see you this evening. And thanks for the coffee.”

“No doubt. Thanks.” He waved to her as she left. When he turned to see you he smiled. “Hey. What are you doin’ here?”

“Thought we could grab some lunch before my check up but I just lost my appetite,” you snapped at him. Brushing past him you made your way to the elevator.  You hit the down button repeatedly.

“Y/N. Where you’re you goin’?” Sonny asked when he caught up with you.

“Home.”

“Are you okay?” Sonny asked with a furrowed brow.

“Sure.”

“What’s with you today?” Sonny demanded.

“Nothing for you to worry about anymore. Go be happy.” You stepped on the elevator and watched as the doors closed on Sonny's confused face.

There was a knock on the exam room door. You plastered a smile in your face expecting to see your doctor. The smile fell when you saw it was Sonny. “What are you doing here?”

“Your appointment. I'm still her father no matter how much you may wish I wasn't,” Sonny retorted. “Did I do something to upset you today?”

“Who was the woman you were with earlier, Sonny? You smell like cigarettes by the way.”

He actually had the nerve to smile. “I smoke when I'm stressed. You know that. And that woman. I can explain. She's my-”

“Hey kids,” Dr. Wilkes said in greeting. He shook Sonny's hand. “How are you feeling today? Been taking it easy?”

“Feel really good,” you answered.

“Great. Let's get you checked out.”

After your appointment, you got dressed to find that Sonny was waiting for you in the lobby. You walked by him like he wasn't even there.

He followed you out of the building. “Y/N. Wait. Please. At least let me give you a ride back home,” he requested as he opened the door of the SUV.

“No thank you, Dominick. Kind of you to ask,” you said.

“Jesus, Y/N. Can you please give me a Goddamn break here?” Sonny asked in an exacerbated tone.

[gilbirda]

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Chapter 3: Rumours

It was a normal morning at the teacher’s lounge room when Bog first heard about the rumours around Marianne.

“Gosh, I can’t stand this,” the math teacher said, an elderly woman whose name he didn’t care enough to remember. Someone stepped forward and asked:

“What happened, Susan?” Yeah, whatever her name was. He kept on reading his book and drinking his coffee in his silent corner. It was rude to be the first one leaving so he waited at least until the first classes started to run to his Library.

“I stumbled upon that kid today, Marianne,” that made him listen. What about her?

The room fell silent and a few shuddered involuntarily. Bog didn’t understand why.

“Her eyes spook me sometimes. They are so weird,” the woman, Susan, kept going. “She had those headphones plugged in, you know? And she didn’t seem to know where she was going. We bumped into each other, fortunately I didn’t fall… But she looked at me and - and she said “sorry”!”

Bog blinked. Wasn’t that common courtesy? Why were these people freaking out because of Marianne being a normal human being?

“And what happened next?” someone asked. Bog thought it was the science teacher.

“Nothing,” Susan said finally taking off her coat. “She just kept walking on.”

“Are you serious?” the same teacher asked.

Understanding that he wouldn’t be able to finish his book anytime soon, the temporary librarian put it down and tried make sense of what they were saying.

“I’m not kidding you! She didn’t threaten me or looked like she wanted to punch me at all…”

“Does she…” Bog gulped, not realizing he had talked. Everyone turned to look at him, surprised that he even had talked. He never did. Well, I’m already here, he thought. “Does she usually do that?”

“Do what? Threaten people?” another teacher scoffed. He thought it was the English teacher, but he wasn’t sure. “All the time! Haven’t you noticed it already? I heard she had been tasked with helping you with the Library.”

“Yeah, well…”

“Doesn’t she irk you? Or tried to beat you up?”

“No, but…”

“Don’t mind her, honey,” Susan approached him, a gentle smile on her lips. She tried to put a hand on his shoulder but Bog flinched back. If the woman noticed, she didn’t say anything. “She is just… lost. Since what happened two years ago…”

This caught even more his attention.

“What happened?”

“Oh yeah, you weren’t here then,” the science teacher blinked in surprise as if the thought of someone not knowing what happened was unfathomable. “The kid got dumped by Roland.”

That’s it? The librarian thought. Dumped by some random guy?

“Yeah, it was such a tragedy. She was the Queen, you know? She had been the Queen of the Spring Ball since she started high school.”

“The Spring Ball?” Bog asked.

“It’s this big event the kids love. Actually it’s in a month or so, if you are interested, because teachers can go if we want to,” the English teacher (Grace, her name was Grace) added, but didn’t seem really excited about it. “Every year, near the end on the evening, a Queen and King are voted among the students and they’ll hold the title until the next Spring Ball.”

“And this Roland guy and Marianne…”

“They were Queen and King for a year, but now the Queen is her younger sister Dawn.”

I didn’t know she had siblings, Bog thought.

“And what happened?”

“She changed when she got dumped. Marianne stopped coming to school for an entire week! And then she came like this punk brat one day, listening to her music and ignoring everyone.”

“And getting into fights every week,” the science teacher said taking a sip of his coffee. “Ungrateful brat…” he grumbled.

“Is that a normal behaviour?” Bog asked, remembering her bandaged arm and swollen cheek from that first day. He did ask if she was okay, not really sure if her delicate skin would heal those wounds fast enough.

Almost every teacher scoffed.

“It’s the normal behaviour. Always angry and picking fights. With the boys!” Grace raised her arms to the ceiling. “I can understand if she’s angry with the other girls with all those hateful comments, but the boys haven’t done anything to her! And she’s a girl!”

Hateful comments?

“It seems that all kinds of rumours started to go around since Roland dumped her,” Susan continued, “and all about her and what happened for the Queen to be cheated on like that.”

Oh, Bog felt his own heart skip a beat. She was cheated on by her boyfriend? And the whole school knew about it? Poor thing.

He was about to ask more about what happened to Marianne but the bell rang before words could get out of his mouth. Like if the conversation hadn’t been a big revelation, the rest of the teachers rushed to get ready for a new school day dealing with their students.

The only teacher that took her time to go was the art teacher, whose name he did remember only because it was so weird and rare.

“You shouldn’t stick your nose in her private matters like this, Bog,” Aura, or “Sugar Plum” as she liked to be called, said with a very serious face. “And not from someone who isn’t the direct source of the problem. If she wanted you to know about this she would have told you.”

He knew she was right and that this didn’t concern him at all, but his curiosity was burning brighter that a bonfire.

“I know,” he said nonetheless.

Aura locked her impossible blue eyes, a shade lighter than his own, with him for a while before sighing and turning back to the door, her bag full of painting supplies tucked under her arm.

“Just remember that nothing is what it seems,” and with that she left him alone in the teacher’s lounge.

***

When Marianne arrived at the Library too many hours later, Bog had decided that whatever happened with the girl and her ex-boyfriend shouldn’t concern him; and if she decided to misbehave because of a broken heart, then it was her responsibility to mature past the childish fixation with only one boy.

So far, she had been respectful and even nice with him, so nothing else should matter.

“What boring and tedious job do we have for today?” she asked with a tiny smile, and for a brief moment Bog wished that she was happy for being here with him. It was absurd, of course, as this was only a punishment for getting into too many fights on school grounds. If she had her way she wouldn’t step on the Library at all.

Still, he felt an equally small smile creep into his face.

“Oh, nothing much,” he pointed to the still enormous pile of books to be catalogued. Two whole days and they only managed to get to the third shelf. There were fifteen of them.

“Damn.”

“Yep.”

***

Marianne didn’t speak much as she worked, which he was grateful for. She also wasn’t looking at him, too focused on the task at her hands, and he wasn’t sure why exactly this fact struck something in his heart. At least it let him look at her and really see the person she was, now that he has new information about her.

She really didn’t look heartbroken. Well, she didn’t have to, it had been almost two years since that, but still he expected her to show that in any form. Maybe her face? Her eyes? Everyone he somehow learned had their hearts broken looked the same: sad, grey and lonely. He himself looked like that once upon a time when he still believed in love, but no matter how much time had passed a slight trace of that was still present.

Wasn’t first love supposed to work like that?

But no matter how long he looked at her smooth, slightly angular face and her golden eyes he couldn’t see any of that. Bog would never have guessed any of the story the other teachers told him by looking at her alone.

“What are you looking at?” her sharp remark snapped him out of his musings. Marianne was a few steps in front of him with a book between her hands and a really angry expression on her delicate face. “Bog King?”

Bog blinked slowly, finding that he had absolutely nothing to say.

“Something’s on my face?” she asked, and if he were paying attention he would have noticed the slight trembling on her voice. “Speak.”

This was a whole new Marianne he hadn’t faced before. She was trying to be scary and menacing, and if he was another person maybe she would have managed to succeed in that; but what the girl didn’t know was that he could stand much worse than that.

“What have they told you?” she narrowed her eyes and put the book she was still holding down on the table next to her. “Speak!” she repeated, this time followed by a punch to his face.

She looked authentically surprised when he stopped her fist with a swift motion.

“How did you-?”

“Don’t get angry, kid,” he finally said. “And don’t try to punch me next time. You won’t hit me.”

She grumbled and took back her hand, cradling it on her chest. Bog worried that he had hurt her, but she seemed just fine so he didn’t move to ask her if it was otherwise.

“And yes, today I’ve been told some…rumours about you.”

Her eyes seemed clouded for a second and then her body instantly relaxed, but not in a good way. It was more like she had been the one punched in the face.

“I - I see.” Marianne took a step back, the fight completely gone from her like if a switch had been hit. Her eyes running around the room, everywhere but him and her body language told him immediately that she wanted to run away from there. Was he the only one feeling like something had been broken between them?

“Look, I know it’s-”

“You know nothing!” she said, her voice way too loud in such a quiet place. “Please, don’t. Whatever you were going to say, save it.”

Bog sighed. There goes the teenager.

“Having your heart broken is not the end of the world, kid,” he said, but even he felt like his words were hollow. “You’ll get over it.”

She scoffed.

“Is that everything they told you?”

The librarian blinked. Was there more story than that?

“Yeah…,” he looked behind her to the big windows of the Library, which showed a beautiful spring scene of the inner courtyard of the school. He liked those windows, but right now the beauty did little to calm his nerves. How difficult it was to deal with teenagers! “Actually…”

“What?” she crossed her arms over her chest, glaring with all of her golden might.

“I kind of wanted to hear the truth from you?” Bog looked at her and immediately looked back to the window again, obviously uncomfortable in this situation.

If he were watching the girl in front of him, he would have seen the epitome of shock.

“I know how rumours can warp the truth, and I have to admit I’m curious but… if you don’t want to talk about it… I’ll understand….” he finally looked at her shocked expression, feeling stupid for meddling with affairs that had little to do with him.

“You are right, I don’t want to talk about it.”

Bog sighed and turned back to his table, where he had abandoned his share of the work for today. What a way to ruin his peace and quiet, he grumbled in his mind. Why did he have to be such a stupid-

“But,” her soft voice made him stop in his tracks. “I think you deserve the truth.”

“Are you sure?” the man asked as he turned back to her. She looked up to fix her eyes with his, a determined shine on the rare golden shade.

“Positive,” Marianne sighed and uncrossed her arms, the tension leaving her body. “I got cheated on my boyfriend, my first one ever, almost since the first day we started dating. Everyone knew it but me. When I found out I dumped him.”

“Wait, you dumped him?”

“Heh, they told you it was him who did it, right?” he nodded. “Yeah, that’s what he made everyone believe. While I was away he made all kinds of public shows and flashy demonstrations that it was him who left me, because…”

“Because he didn’t love you back?” Bog gulped, feeling sick just by hearing this.

“No,” she shook her head and sighed deeply, looking down at her feet. For a moment she seemed troubled by her thoughts, pondering what she was going to say next. Was she going to lie? No, she said he deserved the truth and he had to believe her. “He cheated on me… and I ended our relationship… because I wouldn’t sleep with him.”

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 22.2

Hope

And so there I stood… staring foolishly at this girl who I’d grown annoyed by all thanks to Chris, who by the way stood off in the corner of the room near Destani with Jaylen cradled in his arms with perhaps the most shocked expression in the room. And of course because she was well aware of exactly who Tawny was thanks to seeing her all around campus, Destani too sat on a loveseat beside her mother looking just as stunned as myself as her eyes darted back and forth between Tawny and I.

Tawny… my sister.

Tawny… the girl that’d become oddly close to my boyfriend, the cheater.

Tawny… the girl who was somehow friends with the one girl, that I knew of, that my boyfriend cheated on me with.

Tawny… my half-sister.

She seemed to be just as caught off guard as I as she sat there staring up at me with her lips slightly parted without even bothering to blink. But no one other than her, Chris, Destani, or I seemed to catch on to the unspoken exchange and I attempted to quickly regain my composure to avoid any looming questions from anyone out of the loop.

“I kind of wanted this to be a surprise for you girls. I purposely didn’t speak a word of it to either of you because I wanted you both here in person for this moment. I hope that I haven’t caught either of you off guard or anything…” My dad rambled while I continued to stand there looking from him to Diana to Tawny.

“Um… uh…” Tawny began to stutter awkwardly, nearly annoying me, but again I regained my composure and smiled warmly at my dad then turned to share that same forced smile with Diana.

“No… you haven’t. This is a… a pleasant surprise.” I said, with my eyes discreetly glued menacingly to Tawny.

“Good, good. I’d like to get with you girls a bit later to, you know… just talk a little. Hopefully sometime before you both head back to school.” He said.

“Oh girls,” Ms. Chipper Diana quickly chimed in before anyone had an opportunity to utter a word in response, “I’m absolutely thrilled to have you both here together finally. I’ve waited years for this very moment.”

From the moment I met Diana, I got a good vibe that she was a pretty dramatic woman and this moment… definitely proved me right. The lady started to cry right on cue and being the overly sympathetic and understanding woman that she is, my aunt almost immediately hopped up from her seat and fell into place consoling her tearless self. With not a word else to say to my dad about the situation, I politely plopped down on the couch beside Tawny and with the happiest face I could possibly conjure, I mistakenly locked eyes with Chris which was very much of a huge mistake because I could feel myself frowning almost instantly. I blamed him entirely in the situation. It was his fault that I’d just found out that I was related to a girl that I wasn’t even sure I liked. If it weren’t for their little newfound “friendship” I wouldn’t even know about Tawny and perhaps I would be some sort of excited about finding out that I had a long lost relative. But no… instead, there I was sulking and no longer looking forward to the remainder of my break because I was stuck in a house with a boyfriend that I was beginning to regret being with and a sister who I somewhat disliked.

  Chris

Well… how fucking awkward was that? I was seriously starting to regret coming to Hope’s dad’s house to begin with because for one, she didn’t seem to wanna have shit to do with me and not to mention I overheard her telling Destani how she didn’t even know if she wanted to be in a relationship with my ass anymore. How was a nigga supposed to feel after that? And two… Tawny was her damn sister! What… the… fuck! I just knew somebody had to be playing a prank and I was waiting on someone in the room to hop up and yell “punk’d” but of course… that never happened. All the adults in the room burst into the liveliest bits of conversation amongst themselves while me, Dez, Hope, and Tawny all sat there like a bunch of children in timeout. They were just way too excited about the whole prospect of Hope being related to the girl I’d oddly grown so close to in the past few months and I didn’t really know how the hell I felt about that. But I will say one thing… maybe, just maybe, that could explain why I felt such a strong urge to be close to Tawny all the time without actually having the urge to have sex with her. I don’t know… at this point, I was really beginning to believe anything was possible.

Conversations continued to flow for a while until my mom, Ms. Maddie, Ms. Cynthia, and now this new lady Ms. Diana all agreed to go huddle up in the kitchen to join together to make a grocery list for their fun filled journey to the supermarket early tomorrow morning. While everyone moved about in the room, Hope took that as an opportunity to hurdle the fuck outta there, I’m guessing to go hide out in her guest room, and of course Destani went trailing along right behind her. Which left Tawny, James, and myself together in the family room. James’s overly happy go lucky ass stood from his seat with a huge grin and looked from me to Tawny then right back to me.

“Well Chris, let me run to the restroom really quick then I’ll show you to the room I have set up for you and little man. I think you’ll get a kick out of it.” I smiled a tight-lipped smile at him and nodded, watching as he grinned excitedly at his daughter and sauntered off outta the room.

“Well what a way to start our break, huh?” Tawny mumbled from her seat across the room. Some type of noise flooded from my nose, maybe a laugh or something, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to smile and really even look at her for that matter. I was still way too thrown off by the abrupt news of her relation to my girlfriend and I wasn’t really sure how to feel about her at this point.

“And I guess this is what you meant by spending the break at your girlfriend’s dad’s… surprise!” She giggled uneasily.

“Yeah…” I huffed, again, with some odd noise through my nose.

With a sigh, I heard her grunt softly as she pushed herself up off of the couch and from the corner of my eye I could see her slowly making her way in my direction. I nearly held my breath with fear as the girl eased closer to me and I had to force myself to calm the hell down. I was getting entirely too worked up over a situation that ultimately had nothing to do with me and I didn’t wanna let the awkwardness of it all cause me to act any differently toward Tawny because truthfully, she did nothing wrong.

“So this is the little cutie pie from your background screen, huh?” Her voice was soft and gentle as she moved closer to me and kneeled to get a good look at Jaylen’s now sleeping body as I cradled him lovingly in the crook of my left arm.

“Yep. This is my mini… lil Jaylen.” I said with a proud smirk, momentarily forgetting about the whirlwind of issues in my life.

“My God Chris, he’s even more handsome in person. He’s beautiful… just perfect.” She whispered as she lifted her right hand and ever so softly raked the back of her index finger over Jay’s plump little cheek.

“Thank you.” I said, making sure to keep my tone just as low so as to not disturb his slumber.

“You know, maybe me, you, and Sy’Diyah should all get together and talk later.” Tawny said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, doubt that.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I told you Sy wasn’t gonna wanna have anything to do with me anytime soon Tawny. This situation ain’t gone make her wanna talk to me anymore than she didn’t wanna talk to me before.” I explained.

With a sigh, she twisted her lips to one side and dropped her gaze down to the floor. It’s like realistically she knew there was no chance in hell her new sister would want to sit and talk to me let alone the both of us about this sudden revelation her dad dropped on the both of them, but in good old fashioned Tawny nature… she had to at least remain optimistic about it. But I knew she meant no harm and just couldn’t help herself.

“I’m really excited about this Chris.” She said softly a few moments later.

“Excited about what?” “About having a sister… or, having Sy’Diyah as my sister. I really like her, you know. I’m not sure if she feels the same about me, but… I don’t know. I have friends, but there’s no one in my life that’s absolutely real and genuine and there for me when I need them other than my mom and dad… and you.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at her. She was just so cute and sincere and the sudden blush in her cheeks was just a reminder of the innocence that I adored about her.

“Well lil TT, I’m glad I could at least be all that for you. I’m hoping your sister can do the same plus more for you… because I know you deserve it. She’s a really great person and whenever she does open up to you, which I know she will, you’ll get that awesome friend that you deserve… trust me.”

She raised her head and eyed me for a moment before her face contorted with a goofy little smirk and she reached up to nudge me softly in the side of my head.

“You’re such a sap Brown.”

“What the hell!” I chuckled, “How am I a sap because I’m tryna help you get a friend?”

“You’re a sap for Sy! You brag about her in any way you can, don’t you?”

“Oh… well when you word it that way, yes… I’m a big ole, gigantic sap for her ass.”

We both shared a bit of soft laughter for the sake of Jaylen’s napping self and James finally emerged back into the family room after his bathroom break.

“Well Chris, are you ready to see your sleeping quarters for the week man?” He asked cheerfully. Yeah, I could totally understand exactly where the hell Tawny’s over bubbly ass personality derived from.

“Yes sir.” I made a move to stand from the couch, but Jaylen stirred slightly in the crook of my arm which forced me to sit back and quickly pray that he wouldn’t wake up.

“Here, I’ll take him.” Tawny offered the moment she caught the distressed look on my face. I glanced at her briefly as she leaned forward to slip him from the crook of my arm and watched as she maneuvered him with ease until he rested peacefully against the right side of her chest. He shifted a bit, but eventually found himself a nice comfortable spot where he curled into his favorite fetal position against her and clutched at her shirt with his right hand.

“Thanks Tawny.” I whispered with an assured smirk. Finally I stood to my full height, which left me towering over James by a few inches, and did a quick stretch before turning to follow him out of the family room and down a short hall to the right. He led the way to a door just before the kitchen and once he opened it, he walked inside and began to trek down a flight of stairs. I was skeptical, to say the least as I trailed along behind this man. I didn’t wanna have to drop kick Sy’Diyah and Tawny’s dad if he was leading me to a damn dungeon or some shit. Luckily, I was pleasantly surprised when he flipped on a light switch at the bottom of the stairs and revealed a fully finished and furnished basement… that I really wouldn’t even call a damn basement. The space looked like a complete condo! On one half of the room was a huge suede beige sectional sofa with a matching chair and ottoman off to one side of it. The couch and the chair faced the most beautifully, enormous television I’d ever seen and I could see that there was a projector up on the ceiling across from it, making it the perfect space for an in-home movie theater. There were a few regal looking columns in the center of the room to separate the sitting area from the game area and at that point, I really couldn’t figure out which half I would be spending more of my time in!

My kid in a candy store looking ass damn near forgot all about James as I roamed behind the sectional sofa and made my way near the huge ass bar where a beautiful mahogany pool table and an air hockey table sat close by. I tried not to put too much focus on the actual bar, but man was it hard not to at least glance over at the full bottles of every type of liquor you could think of. I mean dark, light, beer, wine, champagne… like what the fuck did this man do for a living to just have this shit like it was normal! Okay, so last but not least over in the corner of the room adjacent to the wall with the magnificent television, was a door that led to the actual bedroom which I quickly made my way into. It was like… the dream bachelor pad and for a moment, I seriously contemplated the idea of paying James to live in this bitch and just commute my ass to school. There was what had to be a California king size bed in the middle of the room underneath a huge six pane window which sat high up on the wall and flowed seamlessly with dark wooden beams that lined the vaulted ceiling. This window was curtainless and faced some sort of exotic brick siding of the house, but it really was a sight for sore eyes. No lie, if I wasn’t in Hope’s dad’s house I would certainly be tryna figure out how to get her down here so I could seduce her with that window. The entire space was so big, there were two different sitting areas in the room and of course there was an en suite bathroom off to one side, but before I could make my nosy ass way in there James finally caught up with me and stopped me dead in my tracks.

“Ah, I see you like it!” He laughed.

“Aw man… I love it sir, this is really nice.” I said just to avoid sounding crazy… because what I really wanted to blurt out was that this got damn basement was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen in my fucking life and that I loved him dearly for letting me stay down here!

“Yeah, well… you know… it’s a lil sum’n sum’n.” He said. He glanced at me and I looked over at him and we both bust out laughing because we both knew damn well this basement was way more than a “lil sum’n sum’n.”

“Since you’re the only other guy here in the house for the week, I wanted to make sure you were especially comfortable. I know how it can get being stuck around the girls all day, so I figured you’d get a kick out of the man cave.” He explained in that same laughter filled tone.

“I mean, I honestly would have appreciated an air mattress in the family room… but this will definitely make due.” We shared a hearty bit of laughter and once that died down, a nice little awkward wave washed over the room and I tucked my hands down in my pockets out of habit as I waited for him to speak up.

“Well son, I have a straightforward and honest question that requires an honest answer.” He blurted with no hesitation. I maintained a poker face as I looked him in the eye awaiting his honest question… but internally I was shitting bricks! I was [b]not[/b] prepared to be interrogated by Hope’s dad, at all, and I just knew this man had buttered me up with this fabulous ass man cave just so he could bulldoze my ass with twenty-one questions. I silently stood there thanking God for the hat that still sat perched on my head… I was sure I’d just broken a sweat right across my hairline and I didn’t need James to see how rattled my nervous were.

“Do you drink?” I was still stuck on how terrified I was to be questioned by him that I totally missed the question and had to do a double take when he grinned at me and shook his head, “It’s alright Chris, I’m not going to grill you about my daughter… yet. I’m just asking if you enjoy a drink now and then?”

“Oh… oh, um… yeah. Yes sir, occasionally.” I stuttered like a fool.

“Well come on out here and share a drink with me.” He said. So I wasn’t exactly sure if he knew how old I was or if I should tell him, but at the same time I didn’t wanna disrespect him by not following his orders, so hell… I followed him out to the bar so we could share a drink! There was no harm in that, right? Once we got back out into the basement, he made his way around behind the bar and reached beneath the bar top to pluck two glass cups then he looked up at me as I claimed a stool seat.

“What’s your preference?” “Um… Hennessy on ice.”

“Aww, good man.” I watched as he turned and went right for a half bottle of Hennessy on one of the several shelves behind him. There must have been a full ice chest back there too because he used a little silver scoop to drop a few pieces of ice into each of the cups just before filling them both just above the ice with the brown liquor. Once he was done, he capped the bottle and put it back in its rightful place on the shelf then slid me my cup.

“We do indeed have quite a bit of catching up to do, you know. I don’t know much about you nor do you know much about me,” He said after a sip from his cup, “But we won’t get into that now. From what I can see and do know about you, I like you… and I know my daughter really cares about you, so that’s all I need to know… for now.”

I nodded and took a sip from my own cup then reached up to adjust the brim of my hat.

“So, what are you currently in school for?” He asked.

“I’m a business major right now sir.”

“Before you go on, please… stop with the sir. You’re aging me here Chris,” He chuckled after taking another sip, “James will do just fine.”

With a smirk and a nod of my head, I licked my lips to rid them of the numbing taste of the alcohol.

“That’s quite a handsome little man you got up there.” He noted with a warm smile that left me smiling broadly my damn self. I never grew tired of hearing anyone compliment my baby boy.

“Thank you. I really appreciate that.” “Sy’Diyah told me he’s about eight months…” “Well he’s nine months now… as of November fourth.”

“Aww, don’t they grow so fast?” He chuckled with a shake of his head, “Well congratulations. He’s a good looking little one, if I do say so myself.”

“Thank you, thank you.”

“You’re pretty young, if I’m not mistaken. How old are you exactly?”

“Um… I’m nineteen.” That uneasy feeling of rattled nerves hit me again and I gave him a hard stare as I waited to see where he was going with this. He only nodded his head though and gulped down a good half of his drink.

“Nineteen. I was around that age when Sy’Diyah’s mother and I had her. Eighteen or nineteen, give or take. I was nothing but a weak and struggling boy at that age though and knew not a damn thing about taking care of a baby. I was young and dumb and reckless,” He paused briefly to shake his head and finish off his beverage then he placed his cup down in the sink below the bar and sighed, “But I see something different with you. That baby is upstairs sleeping. He’s right here in this house with you, which means you didn’t abandon him… which means you understand one of the most vital things that every young black man should know. You understand what it means to be a father… and I admire you for that.”

I’d finished my drink in the midst of his speech and he reached across the bar to retrieve my cup and placed it down in the sink alongside his. Though I was sure I wasn’t ready to embark on a conversation with James about my relationship with his daughter, I also wasn’t quite sure if I was ready to discuss his relationship with her… or lack thereof… either. Maybe it was something he felt better talking about with another guy, or another father… I didn’t really know what prompted him to open the topic for discussion, but I guess I had no choice but to be all ears for him.

“Just, whatever you do, make sure you do everything you can to be there for that child and show him that you are the greatest father he could ever ask for. That’s what every single child on this planet deserves and every time I look at my child, I regret each day that I left her behind and turned my back on her.” Sooooo at this point I was beginning to wonder if maybe he was a lightweight and perhaps he’d mistakenly gotten a little too carried away with his drink and now it was making him get in his feelings. Like, I really didn’t know what was going on because I swear this guy went from zero to a hundred real quick and I was not prepared for that. If it weren’t for the sound of Diana calling for us from the top of the stairs, I really think James would have started crying right there in front of me.

Within the blink of an eye, he was smiling from ear to ear again and he’d straightened his posture and stared at me through bright eyes, which I noted to be the exact same color as Hope’s.

“James… Chris. I know you boys are down there getting carried away in that man hole or whatever you call it. Come on up here and get washed up for dinner. We’re having pizza!”

James eventually made his way around to my side of the bar and he stood his slightly short frame beside me and clamped a hand down on my shoulder “We’ll have plenty of time to really chat. Let’s head on up before these women have our heads on that table for supper.”

Together we laughed and trailed along up the stairs to the first floor of the house, but in the back of my mind I was caught somewhere between horrified by what I’d just witnessed in the basement from this… scorned man. And thrilled because from what I could tell, I’d just scored major points with my girlfriend’s dad!

[trombonesinspace]

(1/2) Okay maybe that last ask was good timing cause I do have a request 😹. I found a college AU here on tumblr and have been sitting on it for a while, but it just cracks me up so here goes: “I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because i could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly” I think this would be so funny to work in with Matt and Karen in some way.

(2/2). Also, if you’re able to make it in any way smutty, that would just be perfect 😂. And I don’t want to make it sound like I’m demanding it, you know? If it’s not something you wanna write I understand! Thanks for reading!

Some day, I may figure out how to write, quick, short ficlets in response to prompts. 

Today is not that day. 7k words, everyone.

I did try a smutty version first, anon, but it just wasn’t working. It felt like I was trying to drag the story in a direction it did not want to go. So I stopped trying to force it, and wrote this instead. It’s not super funny? But there is some humor in it. I hope you like it, I had fun writing it!

I’m also posting it on ao3.

* * *

“I thought he was being nice,” said Karen, gesturing widely with her glass, which she had luckily just emptied. She was in the dorm room of her friends, Trish and Jessica, drinking whisky. None of them were twenty-one yet, but Jess kept a bottle hidden in the bottom drawer of her dresser, bought for her by a grad student who owed her a favor.

“You guys know how stressed I was about midterms, and that project I had to finish, and…stuff.” She tipped her head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling above Trish’s bed, where they all sat.

��I didn’t want sex,” she said, over-enunciating her words with inebriated care. “Not for weeks. Too busy. Too tired. And he said that was fiiiiine. He was so understanding.” She lifted her head again to stare accusingly into her empty glass. “I thought he was being a good boyfriend! But he was fucking. someone. else.” She slapped her free hand down on the mattress with each word, for emphasis.

Trish and Jessica exchanges glances. They already knew the main fact that had brought Karen to their door—she had arrived half an hour ago, announcing, “You guys, Josh has been cheating on me!” and bursting into tears—but the more they drank, the more details were emerging, as Karen’s mood shifted from hurt to anger.

Trish patted Karen’s shoulder. “He’s a shithead,” she said firmly. Jessica poured another round of drinks.

“He is a shithead,” Karen agreed. “Why did I not realize sooner what a shithead he is?”

“Because he’s hot?” suggested Jess.

“Oh, god,” Karen moaned. “Soooo hot.”

“You said you dumped him,” Trish reminded her.

“Yes. I did. He is so, so dumped. Doesn’t mean he isn’t hot, though. Shithead.”

“There are other hot men,” Trish consoled her.

“And a good fuck with someone else will help get your mind off him,” Jessica added.

“Yeah,” Karen agreed. “I should fuck somebody else. Oh!” she suddenly exclaimed. “I didn’t tell you what else he did!” She paused to take a drink. Trish and Jessica waited.

“He stole my condoms!” she said dramatically. “My condoms, in my desk, that I bought with my money! The last time I fucked him, I had half a box. Now, I have nothing! He’s been fucking another woman with my condoms.”

“Wow,” said Jessica. “Classy.”

“Insult to injury,” said Trish, shaking her head.

“I don’t wanna buy more,” Karen said mulishly. “I shouldn’t have to buy more. I had half a box. It’s not fair for me to have to buy more because Josh the Shithead stole mine!”

“Well, that’s easy enough,” said Trish. “They give them out for free at Health Services. You can get some there, enough to tide you over until you’re ready to buy your own again.”

“Sure,” said Jessica. “New condoms for new sex with new men. It’s symbolic, or something.”

“You guys,” said Karen earnestly. “You guys. That is a great idea. I love that idea.” She held out her glass. “Here’s to new, free condoms!” They all clinked glasses, and drank.

* * *

The next day, Karen made her bleary way across campus to the Student Health Services office. She had spent half the morning curled up in bed, nursing a hangover and feeling sorry for herself. But acquiring free condoms still seemed like a good idea, and when she finally dragged herself out of bed, she decided there was no time like the present.

A table in the office held an assortment of informational handouts about various health issues, and flyers advertising the services available to students. There was also a large glass bowl filled with condoms, free for the taking, and Karen helped herself to a generous supply.

She felt a little better once she had them safely stashed in her shoulder bag, despite her throbbing head and queasy stomach. It was symbolic, like Jess had said—a defiant first step into her new, Josh-free life.

But when she went back outside, she winced and groaned softly. The light cloud cover had cleared while she was inside, and now sunshine stabbed into her eyes, lancing straight through her skull. She stopped dead, closing her eyes in protest, and someone following too closely behind walked right into her.

He pushed past her impatiently, and continued on his way without a backward glance as Karen stumbled off-balance, her eyes snapping back open. She managed not to fall, but her bag went flying, its contents spilling into the air. She made a desperate grab for her phone, catching it triumphantly before it could fall to the pavement, but everything else lay scattered on the ground all around her.

“Ugh, shit,” she muttered, staring balefully at the retreating back of the guy who had slammed into her. She crouched down with a sigh to gather her things, squinting painfully around her in the bright sunlight.

And then she heard a pleasant male voice ask, “Are you all right?”

Looking up, she saw another student, book bag slung over his shoulder, with brown hair and dark glasses. Sunglasses, she thought, wishing she had brought her own. But then she noticed the long white cane in his hand, and realized he must be blind.

“I’m fine,” she answered. Her head and her stomach might not agree, but she knew he only meant, had she fallen? He must have heard the impatient guy collide with her, but couldn’t see what happened. “Some rude asshole ran into me, and made me drop my bag,” she explained. “But I’m not hurt.”

To her surprise, he dropped lightly to his knees beside her and began feeling over the ground.

“Oh, you don’t have to…” she began, as he picked up her comb, a hair clip, and several barrettes and held them out to her.

“Uh, thank you,” she said, reaching out to take them and put them back in her bag. She gathered up two protein bars, a notebook and pen, and a paperback copy of Plato’s Republic, and looked back at him just as he picked up one of the condoms.

He felt the small packet, clearly recognizing it for what it was, his eyebrows rising up over the rims of his glasses. But he made no comment, even when his searching hands found more condoms in rapid succession.

Karen quickly swept up the rest of them herself, flushing hotly with embarrassment. There was nothing wrong with carrying condoms in her bag, she told herself defensively. But normally, she wouldn’t have been carrying…quite so many.

The man held out his cupped hands, head tilted questioningly. Karen sighed. “Yep, those are mine, too,” she said, resigned. She held her bag open under his hands. “Here’s my bag, you can drop them in.”

He did so, his expression unreadable, and she felt the need to explain herself. “My shithead ex-boyfriend stole my condoms,” she said, “So I came here to get some more.”

“Ah,” he said, nodding. “That’s pretty shitty all right, stealing from his ex. I hope he didn’t take anything else.”

“Oh! No. I mean…we were still together when he stole my condoms.”

He looked puzzled, and she hurried on: “He was cheating on me, and he took my condoms to fuck someone else.” She had to swallow down a sudden lump in her throat as she said it. “Which is why he’s now my ex.”

“Oh.” He digested that in silence for a moment. “That seems…stupid, as well as shitty. Did he think you wouldn’t notice?”

“God, I don’t even know. I mean, I hadn’t slept with him in a few weeks, I was too stressed out, so I never checked my supply until yesterday. But who knows, maybe he wanted to get caught. Maybe he wanted me to break up with him, so he wouldn’t have to be the bad guy…as if fucking cheating on me didn’t make him the bad guy already!”

She was abruptly furious. “Or maybe he is just that stupid. When I noticed the condoms were gone, I went to his room to talk to him about it, because I knew my roommate wouldn’t take them, she’s allergic to latex, so who else could it have been? And there was a pair of women’s underwear in his fucking bed. And I knew damn well they weren’t mine. God, you should have seen the look on his face, he knew he was busted. He didn’t even try to deny it.”

Her fury ebbed as quickly as it had risen, leaving her feeling sick and miserable. “I trusted him,” she whispered, tears stinging her eyes.

The man reached out to touch her sleeve, feeling gently along it until he found her hand. “I’m sorry,” he said, squeezing her hand lightly. “If it’s any comfort, he really does sound like a shithead. You deserve better.”

She sniffed. “You don’t even know me. I might be a shithead, too, for all you know.”

He shrugged. “You’d have to be pretty bad to deserve being cheated on by someone you trusted.”

His voice was sympathetic, and his hand felt warm and comforting around hers as they sat on the ground together. Despite her preoccupation, she was beginning to notice that he was very attractive. His eyes were hidden behind his dark glasses, but the rest of his face was handsome. His jaw was covered in dark stubble, and the sun picked out warm highlights in his hair. And he was evidently the kind of guy who could make jeans and a henley look really, really good.

Karen realized she was staring, and abruptly became aware of her own state—hungover, unwashed, her hair uncombed, dressed in her most comfortable pair of old, broken-down jeans and a baggy oversized sweater. He couldn’t see what she looked like, of course, but that was small comfort. The smell of stale sweat clung to her skin from the night before, and her breath probably wasn’t any better given how her mouth tasted.

She felt suddenly unbearably grubby and unattractive beside him. What’s more, he was a complete stranger, and she’d been unloading her personal problems on him. After dropping her bag right in front of him, and spilling enough condoms to supply the entire basketball team. God, what was wrong with her?

“I’m sorry,” she said, feeling more miserable than ever. “You don’t want to hear about my problems, why would you? I’m sorry.”

“I don’t mind,” he began, but she was already scrambling to her feet. She needed to leave, now, before she embarrassed herself any further.

“I have to go,” she said hurriedly. “Thank you, you seem really nice, I’m sorry.” She turned away and practically ran down the sidewalk, back toward her dorm.

* * *

Behind her, Matt stood up slowly, listening to her rapidly receding footsteps. He frowned, running over their conversation in his mind, but he didn’t think her abrupt departure had been prompted by anything he said. She was obviously upset, by things that had nothing to do with him. She had just broken up with her cheating boyfriend, and the way she smelled told him that she’d been drinking heavily last night. Consoling herself, after confronting him? With a pang, he hoped she hadn’t been drinking alone.

When he had heard the other student collide with her just now, it was only common courtesy to stop and make sure she was all right, and to help her pick up her things. He would have done the same for any random stranger. But almost immediately, she had caught his interest in more particular ways.

His enhanced senses had registered the dive she made to save her phone, athletic and graceful despite her hangover; and when she spoke, her voice was beautiful. The smell of her was heavily overlain with whisky sweat, but beneath that he could detect a more appealing scent. This random stranger was, in fact, a very attractive woman.

And she hadn’t been weird about his blindness. He had braced himself for the usual exaggerated back-pedaling after she said “you should have seen his face,” the overdone apologizing for mentioning sight to a blind man, but it never came. She was probably too wrapped up in her own problems to realize what she’d said, but still, it made a pleasant change from people anxiously dancing around his disability.

And her explanation for the large number of condoms in her bag filled him with sympathy, and indignation on her behalf. She was hurting, through no fault of her own, because someone she trusted had decided to be an asshole. But before he could do more than attempt to offer comfort, she had fled.

He sighed. If she didn’t want his company, he certainly had no right to follow her, or force himself on her attention. But he wished she hadn’t left so quickly. He was certain he had never met her before, in any of his classes, or his dorm, or any of the other places he habitually went—which meant it was unlikely he would run into her again. He wished he had at least asked her name.

* * *

“You met a hot guy already?” said Trish. “Excellent.”

“No,” said Karen, “Not excellent. I feel like a scarecrow and I smell like the Swamp Thing and I flung condoms everywhere when I dropped my bag. And then I told him about Josh, like a pathetic loser, to explain the condoms.”

“So? Then he knows that you’re single, and that safe sex is important to you.”

Karen snorted a laugh despite herself. She could always count on Trish to help her put an embarrassing incident in perspective. “I’ll probably never see him again, though, I don’t even know his name.”

“You don’t need to know his name to fuck him,” Jessica pointed out.

“Yeah, but I do need to not run away immediately after meeting him.”

They silently pondered that undeniable truth.

“Well,” said Trish after a moment, “If you do happen to see him again, I don’t think you need to be embarrassed about today. Maybe you’re not at your best right now, but you told him why. He knows he was catching you on a bad day.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Karen buried her face in her hands. “I told him I got cheated on, it’s pathetic.”

“Hey, that makes Josh look bad, not you.”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if someone cheated on you,” Karen grumbled.

“I’m just saying, don’t rule this guy out as a possibility,” Trish said. “You said he was nice, besides being hot.”

Karen sighed. “He seemed nice, yeah. But it’s not like I’m just going to run into him again. He’s definitely not in any of my classes, I’ve never seen him before today.”

“I bet I could find him,” Jessica offered. “How many hot blind guys can there be on this campus?”

“Jess, no. You are not stalking some poor guy I don’t even know.”

Jessica grinned, unabashed. “Well, if you want to know him, the offer stands. Just say the word.”

Karen knew there was a good chance she could deliver on that offer. Jess had a real talent for finding out information about other people, when she put her mind to it. Karen suspected that that was how she had earned the gratitude of the whisky-buying grad student, although Jess would neither confirm nor deny her suspicion. And Karen had to admit, she did feel a tiny pang of regret at the thought of never seeing the hot guy again. If only she had met him when she wasn’t such a wreck, she might have wanted to get to know him better.

Not enough that she’d resort to stalking, though. She felt pathetic enough already.

Still, she knew the offer was kindly meant. It was Jessica’s way of being supportive, and Karen appreciated it as such.

“Thank you,” she told her. When Jess raised her eyebrows, Karen added, “I’m not saying do it. But thanks for offering. And thanks for listening, both of you. You guys are the best, really.”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Jessica, trying to hide her smile. “Go take a shower already, Swamp Thing.”

“And then we’ll go out for pizza, or something,” Trish added. “Have you eaten anything since you got up?”

“No,” Karen admitted.

“Then it’s time you did. Shower, then food.”

Karen went back to her own room to collect her shower things, feeling grateful for her friends. But in a corner of her mind, there was still that twinge of regret for the hot guy, and a wish that she had at least found out who he was.

* * *

“And she just ran away? Smooth, Murdock, very smooth.”

“Thanks,” said Matt drily.

“It’s not like you to meet a beautiful woman, and not even get her name,” his roommate went on.

“What makes you think she was beautiful?” Matt asked, smiling.

“Just playing the odds,” Foggy answered. “And anyway, you wouldn’t be bothering to tell me about a girl you met for a grand total of about two minutes, if you didn’t think she’s hot, no matter what she may look like.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong. “She had a really nice voice,” Matt admitted. “And she smelled nice.”

“Ah-ha!” said Foggy triumphantly. “Good for you, it’s been a while since you met someone.”

“I didn’t ‘meet her’ in that sense, Foggy. It wasn’t a flirting sort of situation.”

“If you say so, buddy, but that’s the best meet-cute story I’ve heard all year. She dropped her condoms right in from of you, and you helped her pick them up! That has to be the start of…well, something.”

Matt shook his head. “She was upset, she’d just found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. I wouldn’t try to hit on someone while she’s so unhappy.”

“Unhappy maybe, but not inconsolable,” said Foggy. “If she was loading up on free condoms, it sounds like she’s in the market for some good old-fashioned revenge sex.”

Matt considered the idea, and found it unappealing. He’d had his share of brief flings, but the idea of going to bed with that angry, unhappy woman—assuming he ever met her again—just so she could score some imaginary point off the man who’d hurt her…no. It would feel like taking advantage of her distress.

“It wouldn’t be right,” he told Foggy.

Foggy hummed thoughtfully. “You really like her, don’t you?” he said. “A beautiful woman who’s been done wrong, that’s like Matt Murdock catnip.”

Matt wanted to protest, but again…Foggy wasn’t entirely wrong. He had felt drawn to her unhappiness, and wanted to try and help. But that didn’t mean it was something he actually found attractive, did it?

“Objection,” he said. “Supposition. I would still like her, even if she weren’t upset.”

Foggy grinned. “Withdrawn,” he said. “But still, that means you met a beautiful woman, you like her, and you have no idea who she is or how to find her again.”

Matt sighed. “Yeah,” he agreed quietly. “Yeah, it does.”

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Matt couldn’t help paying more attention than usual to the people around him, listening to women’s voices with particular care. But the voice he was searching for was not to be found, not in the library where he studied, or the cafeteria where he ate, or anywhere else he went. It was what he had expected, but he still felt oddly let down at being proven right.

Karen, too found herself looking at the faces she encountered all over campus with new attention. Any time she caught sight of a brown-haired, unshaven man in sunglasses, her heart would lift—only to fall again, with a strange feeling of disappointment, when she saw that it wasn’t him.

* * *

As he headed back toward his dorm after his last class of the morning, Matt heard someone talking up ahead of him. At first, it was simply meaningless sound—recognizable to his keen ears as human voices, but too far away to distinguish anything else. As he came closer, he was able to separate the sounds into two different voices; closer still, and he began to pick out words and intonations.

“…what is wrong with you, why would I ever…”

“…if you would just listen, I never wanted…”

A woman’s voice, and a man’s. Having a fight, by the sound of it. Great. He was going to walk right past them, unless he left the path to avoid them and cut across the expanse of grass that covered half the hillside.

“…bullshit, you were fucking cheating on me—”

Matt froze in his tracks as he was about to step off the pavement. He had heard that phrase, spoken with that exact bitter intonation, the day the woman who dropped her bag had told him about her ex. He moved closer, listening intently, and yes! That was her voice, arguing with a man he didn’t recognize.

“Karen, come on, I’m asking for another chance here, you’re not going to make a big deal over one little mistake, are you? I said I was sorry…”

She laughed, a hard, angry sound. “You mean, things didn’t work out with her, so you thought you’d try to get back in my pants. No thanks. You’re not sorry for what you did, you’re just sorry I found out. You would’ve been perfectly happy to fuck both of us if you could.”

“Dammit, Karen, you’ve got it all wrong—”

Matt felt anger stirring. This was clearly the ex in question, the one who had hurt her. And clearly the woman—Karen—wanted nothing to do with him, but he was refusing to take no for an answer.

“Come on, you know you still love me. Tell me you don’t miss me.”

“I don’t miss you,” she said promptly. “And I do not love you. And I am not. taking you. back.”

Matt wanted to do something, wanted to help her out somehow. But what could he do? She might not even remember him, and she almost certainly wouldn’t appreciate a stranger interfering in a private conversation. Even if that conversation was loud enough that even people with normal hearing could have overheard them.

Remembering her forlorn whisper, “I trusted him,” what he wanted to do was punch this guy in the face. But he knew, realistically, that would probably make things worse. Still, he couldn’t just pretend he hadn’t heard, walk away and do nothing. He could at least let her know she had backup available, if she wanted it.

He walked forward, raising his voice to be heard over the other man’s continued arguing.

“Karen?”

At the sound of a new voice behind her, Karen whipped around—and then stopped dead, staring. It was the hot blind guy.

But her surprise at suddenly seeing him again couldn’t extinguish her fury at Josh, who not only had the gall to try and get her back, but who assumed all he had to do was keep asking and she would give in, and who was following her across campus and refusing to be shaken off, making her listen to his utterly self-centered bullshit.

She was angry enough that she was willing to consider drastic measures to get rid of him. And now a perfect opportunity was standing right in front of her. She smiled.

Matt had sensed her movement as she turned toward him. He heard her startled intake of breath, and her heartbeat, already elevated by anger, kicked up another notch. Maybe she did remember him, after all.

And then she let the breath back out, and stepped toward him. “There you are, babe,” she said, in a voice that was suddenly all warm affection. The unexpected endearment, and her tone, gave him a suspicion as to what she had in mind; the touch of her hand on his arm, sliding up to his shoulder, her arms curving around his neck, confirmed it.

Well, he was willing to play along. He slipped his own arms around her waist, and gave her a smile.

A small, sensible corner of Karen’s mind was telling her that this was a terrible idea. But the rest of her was filled with reckless determination. She did take a moment to gentle her approach, though, running her hand up his arm before putting her arms around him, because even in her anger she wasn’t such an asshole that she would grab a blind guy with no warning.

She watched surprise, and then realization, flash across his face…and then he put his arms around her and smiled. Good. Before she could start having second thoughts, she leaned in and kissed him.

Matt knew what she was doing, of course. She was angry, and trying to upset the ex—whether she was aiming to make him jealous or just piss him off hardly mattered. With regard to himself, it meant nothing.

Still, that was no reason not to enjoy it, and do his best to make sure she enjoyed it, too. It was only kissing, after all.

The press of her lips against his was hard and angry, and he pulled back a little in order to ease the kiss into something softer. He kissed her gently, parting his lips slightly and tugging softly at hers, and felt her mouth relax under his. A small, involuntary sound escaped her—surprise? pleasure? something else entirely?—and then she responded with a more lingering kiss, her lips clinging to his.

He kept his hold on her relaxed, so that she could pull away whenever she chose. But he leaned his body toward her, and was pleased when she leaned closer as well, pressing herself  against him. She was as tall as he was, and slender, and she smelled like grapefruit shampoo and lavender body wash and the warm, enticing scent of her own skin.

He made a small sound of his own, of pure pleasure, as they went on kissing, and let his tongue slip out just far enough to lightly brush her lips. Too much? he wondered. But her lips parted, her own tongue darting out to tease him, just the tip sliding into his mouth before withdrawing again. Her heart beat rapid and steady in his ears, and he felt the warm flush spreading over her skin.

Karen felt taken aback by the undeniable rush of desire flooding her. She had intended this kiss as nothing more than a goad to finally make Josh go away and leave her alone. But the man she was kissing had turned it into something more—something much, much better. He was kissing her like he meant it, and she was responding with an eagerness that startled her a little.

She broke the kiss, pulling away far enough to see his face, and he smiled at her.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she answered, managing not to sound as breathless as she felt.

“Sorry I’m late,” he went on smoothly, “I needed to talk to my professor after class, and I got delayed.”

“That’s all right,” she told him, as easily as if they’d planned it out beforehand. “I got delayed, too.” Her voice turned cool, and she turned to see if Josh was still there. He was, staring at them indignantly. She sighed.

The hot blind guy raised his eyebrows, one arm still casually around her waist. “Is this the shithead ex?” he asked, and Karen nearly kissed him again. “I heard you arguing as I came up the hill.”

“It sure is,” she answered, trying not to laugh, even though she felt a brief flare of embarrassment that he obviously remembered their first meeting in detail.

“Why didn’t you say you were seeing someone else?” Josh demanded.

“Because it doesn’t matter, Josh! All that matters is that I don’t want you, I don’t have to give you reasons why. If I were single, I still wouldn’t want you, so what difference does it make?”

There was a moment of tense silence. Then the man beside her gave her a gentle squeeze, and asked, “Well, should we go have lunch?” He sounded completely at his ease, as if Josh wasn’t even there, and Karen again felt the urge to laugh.

“Yeah, let’s go,” she answered. He folded up his cane and took her arm, and they walked off together.

Matt could feel a familiar stiffness to her movements—most people didn’t know quite what to do the first time a blind man took their arm. But they were supposed to be acting like an established couple, and the ex was still standing there behind them. So…

He leaned in close to her and murmured under his breath, “Just walk normally. You’re not leading me, you don’t have to do anything special.” He brushed his lips over the soft skin in front of her ear, in case the ex was watching, and felt her shiver. He wondered again if he might be overstepping, but then she laughed brightly, as if he had said something amusing, and relaxed. They fell into step together, just as if they really had been doing this for weeks.

Once they were a safe distance from Josh, Karen said, “Look, I know it wasn’t right for me to grab you like that without asking first. I’m sorry. I was just so mad at him, I didn’t really stop to think—oh my god. You aren’t seeing anyone, are you?”

“No, of course not.” He sounded slightly indignant. “If I were, I…well, okay, I don’t know quite what I would have done. But I definitely wouldn’t have kissed you…the way I did.”

“Sorry,” she said again. “I didn’t mean…I guess I’ve been kind of assuming the worst about men lately. You seem like a decent guy, but then, I thought Josh was a decent guy, too, so I’m not super confident of my own judgment right now. I’m sorry.”

“Oh. Well, I can understand that. It’s all right. And as far as you grabbing me, that’s all right, too. Like I said, I could hear the two of you arguing, so I knew why you did it. And I wanted to help, that’s why I stepped in when I recognized you.”

“Well, thanks for going along with it, I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome. It’s not exactly a hardship, kissing you, even if it was…a little unexpected.” He grinned, and she felt her face flushing.

“Okay, good. And, um.” She cleared her throat self-consciously. “Likewise.” She watched as his grin softened into a more tentative smile, his cheeks turning as pink as hers probably were. He looked almost shy for a moment, and Karen felt reassured. Any lingering chance that he might be some kind of opportunistic womanizer faded considerably at the sight of that blush.

“So,” she went on, “Now that I’ve had my tongue in your mouth, I have to ask…What’s your name?”

He laughed, his whole face lighting up. Now that she wasn’t distracted by her anger at Josh, Karen was noticing all over again just how attractive this guy was.

“My name’s Matt,” he told her, smiling broadly. It was a nice, warm smile, as if they were sharing a private joke. “I know you’re Karen, but only because I heard the shithead say your name before.”

She laughed, too, secretly delighted that he kept on calling Josh “the shithead,” even though he must have heard her say his name.

“It’s nice to meet you, Matt.”

“You too, Karen,”

They walked on in comfortable silence for a moment or two, and then Matt asked, “Do you want to have lunch with me?” They had left her ex far behind, there was no need to keep on pretending if she didn’t want to.

“Yeah, I do,” she answered, her beautiful voice sounding happier than he’d heard it yet. “I think it’s about time we got to know each other better.”

“Me, too,” he said, pleased. “I was just going to go to Walker, that’s where I live.”

“Fine with me,” she replied.

Once they were seated at a table with their food, in the cafeteria attached to Matt’s dorm, Karen remarked, “If you live way over here, it’s no wonder I never see you around. I live at the other end of campus.”

Matt looked surprised. “Have you been looking for me?” he asked, smiling.

Karen blushed. “Well. Not really. I mean…kind of? You were nice, and cute, and I just ran away because I was so hungover and gross and miserable…” she trailed off, flustered.

Matt felt his cheeks warming. She thought he was cute? “I looked for you, too,” he admitted. “Or, you know, listened for you. I, uh. I really like your voice.”

“Oh. Really?” That was unexpected, but flattering. She wouldn’t have guessed that he found anything attractive about her, or that he would want to find her again, after their first meeting.

“Yeah,” he answered.

She studied his face, which was turning pink again. God, he really was cute.

“Well, I’m glad we finally met again,” she said happily.

“So am I,” he agreed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a class with you, what are you studying?”

“Journalism. I wasn’t sure when I started, so I’ve been taking a lot of different different things, filling general degree requirements.”

“I’ve been doing the same thing. I know I want to go to law school, if I can come up with the money, but that means I can major in just about anything.”

“You want to be a lawyer?” she said doubtfully. She had a general impression that lawyers were assholes, and she didn’t like to think that maybe Matt wasn’t as nice as he seemed. “Don’t a lot of lawyers…help people get away with stuff? No offense,” she added hastily.

He made a face. “Some do, yeah. But that’s not what I want. I want to help people who really need help, not people who think they can just pay someone to make their problems go away. I believe in our judicial system, but I know it isn’t perfect. Sometimes, the side that wins is the side with the better lawyers, not the side that’s right. Sometimes, people’s lives are ruined by other, more powerful people, because they didn’t know what their legal rights were, or how to defend them. Sometimes wrongs go unpunished, because no one is willing, or able, to oppose them.”

“And that’s what you want to do?”

“Yes. The law is supposed to protect everyone equally, not just the powerful, and I want to help make sure that it does.” He knew he sometimes got carried away once he got started talking about justice, so he stopped himself there. He didn’t want to make speeches at her.

“That sounds really good, Matt,” she said. “We need more people who are willing to take on the assholes. I hope you’re a big success.”

He smiled. “Thanks. And you want to be a reporter?”

“Yeah. There’s so much going on in the world, and only a fraction of it gets into the news. There are lots of stories out there that deserve to be told, and I want to find them, and tell the world. There are stories that need to be told, to hold people accountable for their actions, to make sure the truth doesn’t get buried or forgotten.”

Her voice was animated, and he could tell that she was just as passionate about this as he was about justice. His smile grew wider.

“It sounds like we both want the same thing, we’re just coming at it from different angles,” he said. “I hope you’re a big success, too.”

“Thanks,” said Karen, beaming. She sometimes felt like idealists were in short supply in the world today, and she was pleased that Matt seemed to be one of them.

“Josh thought it was crazy to try and make the world a better place,” she went on, wrinkling her nose. “He thought we needed to just accept things the way they are, and not stir up trouble. I wonder,” she mused, tipping her head and looking out the window, “I wonder how long we would have lasted as a couple, even if he hadn’t cheated on me.”

“Were you together long?” Matt asked. He wouldn’t have brought it up on his own, but she didn’t sound too upset.

“Six months,” she answered.

“That’s longer than any of my relationships have lasted,” he told her.

“Really?” she asked, surprised. She wouldn’t have expected someone as attractive as him to have trouble finding someone.

He nodded. “I’ve had several promising starts, but they never seem to last. Foggy says I have a real talent for dating the wrong women.”

“Foggy?”

“My roommate. He’s also my closest friend, and my self-appointed wingman.” He looked self-deprecating. “He’s had a front-row seat to my love life, if you can call it that.”

“Well, better to be single than to be with the wrong person.”

“Yeah, I guess so. You certainly seem happier than you were the first time we met.”

“Oh, I am. It still hurts, what he did. But at this point I think it’s hurting my pride maybe more than my heart. And I have two great friends, Trish and Jessica, they’ve been a big help.”

“That’s good. Breakups always suck, but they suck less if you’ve got someone to help you through them.”

“Boy, that’s the truth.” They had both finished eating, and Karen checked the time. “Oh!” she said surprised to see how late it was. “I’ll have to go soon, I’ve got a lecture at 2:00.”

“Oh, okay,” said Matt. He was a little disappointed that she had to leave so soon, but the regret in her voice told him that she was, too. “Could I, uh…could I get your number?” he asked hopefully. He knew he wanted to see her again, and he wasn’t about to rely on chance a second time.

“Yeah, of course!” She sounded pleased. They both took out their phones, and exchanged numbers.

“I prefer calling to texting,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. Can you text?” she asked curiously.

“Sure, there’s an app that translates between text and speech. But I’d rather just talk to you.”

“That’s fine with me.” Karen was glad he had asked for her number, she had been about to ask for his. Now that they’d spent a little time getting properly acquainted, she definitely wanted to get to know him better.

“I could walk you to your lecture,” he offered, “If you want. I’m done for the day, there’s nowhere I need to be.”

“All right,” she agreed. She didn’t really want this conversation to be over yet, and the fact that he apparently didn’t, either, made her heart give a happy little skip. They carried their trays over to the dish room window and put them on the conveyor belt, then left the cafeteria together.

Once they were outside, Karen asked, “Did you want to take my arm again? I mean, we’re not putting on a show for Josh anymore, but if you wanted to…I thought it was nice, on the way over here.”

Matt smiled. “I thought so, too.” He tucked his hand around her arm. “Where’s your lecture?”

“Humanities,” she answered, and they set off.

Karen had a little time to spare, so they didn’t need to rush. They walked along at a leisurely pace, talking about the classes they were taking this semester, enjoying each other’s company.

But eventually they reached the Humanities building, and they stopped outside.

“So,” said Karen. “First meeting, you helped me pick up my condoms. Second meeting, I made out with you to piss off my ex. What happens next?”

Matt grinned. “I’m open to suggestion,” he said.

“Oh?” she replied, managing to put a world of innuendo into the brief syllable.

“Absolutely,” he answered, his grin taking on a wicked edge that set Karen’s pulse racing.

But then he turned more serious. “I know you’re on the rebound, though,” he said, giving the arm he still held a squeeze. “And I’m either very unlucky, or just very bad at this.” He wrinkled his nose. “So I don’t really know what happens next. I definitely want to see you again, but maybe we should just…take it one day at a time, no pressure, and see how things go?” His voice rose into a question at the end.

“I like that,” said Karen, nodding. He was right, it had only been a few weeks since she dumped Josh. And if Matt’s experiences so far had been as disappointing as he seemed to be implying, it made sense that he might be feeling cautious. But he did want to keep seeing her, and she definitely wanted to keep seeing him, so they could take as much time as they needed to figure it out. There was no hurry.

On the other hand, she really wanted to kiss him again.

“Does that mean we shouldn’t kiss right now?” she asked.

A slow smile spread across his face. “It can mean whatever we both want it to mean,” he told her.

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes,” he said, his voice low, almost a whisper. He lifted a hand to her face, and felt her cheek curve under his fingers as she smiled.

He kissed her, and this time it was tentative, a gentle, questioning kiss. She answered by wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer. Her lips were warm and welcoming, her body soft against his as he slipped his other arm around her. Her heart beat rapidly in his ears, the smell of her skin surrounding him, and he sank into the kiss, letting the sensations wash over him.

Karen kissed him back eagerly. He had seemed a little hesitant for a moment, but there was nothing hesitant now about the way his lips moved over hers, one arm holding her close, the other hand moving up past her cheek, his fingers sliding into her hair. She let her mouth fall open slightly, her tongue stroking lightly over his lips, and he opened to her immediately, with a little hum of pleasure. His own tongue slipped into her mouth, softly exploring her as she was exploring him. She melted against him, her body molding itself to his, and they clung together until a catcall from a passing student recalled them both to the present.

Matt broke the kiss reluctantly, and rested his forehead against hers.

“I guess I should go,” said Karen, sounding a little breathless.

“I guess so,” Matt answered. He made himself step away from her, his hands lingering as he let go of her. Karen’s hands lingered, too, brushing over his chest before falling away.

“I’ll call you,” he said.

“I’ll call you, if you don’t,” she replied, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

He smiled back. “Okay,” he said.

“Okay,” she echoed. “Well, bye.”

“Bye, Karen.”

She turned to go inside, but couldn’t help looking back when she reached the doors. Matt was still there, still smiling, and as she watched, he unfolded his cane and gave her a little wave. She laughed in surprise—how had he known she would look back?—and waved back. Why not?

When she finally went inside, she was fairly certain she was going to be too distracted to pay proper attention to this afternoon’s lecture.