#is it Yet Another Jean Moreau story? yes

[leedee013]

Did I start writing AFTG fanfiction? Yes. And I'm very excited.

[vickyvicarious]

bad days

@angelrtsy95 this is for you. 

(based off this beautiful and sad art by @citrusvoid)

also on AO3 and FFN.

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They all have bad days, sometimes. It'd be impossible not to, the lives that they lead. Sometimes it's about what just happened - Leverage has met its fair share of evil, often all the more rotten behind the mask of a respectable member of society. Sure, they always win in the end... but only for a given definition of 'win', because there's no actual eradicating these kinds of people. It's impossible to always be satisfied with helping just one family, destroying just one small empire in a world full of them. Sometimes helping one person almost makes it worse, because that only makes you more aware of the extent you can’t get to.

Of course, a lot of bad days aren't about anything happening now. They all have a past: the kind that ripples out into the present, that creeps into your mind when you’re least prepared and sucks you back under. It’s never for long. They don’t ever let it stop them, but there’s no such thing as simply being over it, either.

In the beginning, they took care of themselves. Parker would go nonverbal and nearly nonexistent; she’d vanish whenever anyone turned their back on her. Nate crawled all the way into a bottle and lashed out with vicious accuracy at anyone who tried to drag him out. Sophie showed it least, but when she had a bad day she also tended to get quiet. Not in the same way as Parker, vanishing where she stood; Sophie would instead gaze thoughtfully off in the distance, be perpetually distracted and sad when she let her guard down. Eliot was grumpy often, but when he was really upset he would just leave. He’d go away, completely remove himself from them, and come back a day or six later with bruises or cuts or a sling, still frowning.

Nate wore his pain like a weapon; Parker a shield. Sophie floated away; Eliot anchored himself down. Alec was probably the only one of them, at the start, who knew how to go to another person for help on a bad day. Whenever he felt that choking feeling crawling up his throat, that familiar aching fear - he shut himself up in his room. Wrapped himself in fluffy blankets and made hot chocolate, and called Nana. She somehow could always tell the difference between a call like that and plain old socializing, and they’d talk for hours until he felt better. Not good, often, but she knew how to blunt the sharp edge until he could cope in less important ways, get caught up in a Star Trek marathon or lead a raid in World of Warcraft or hack an alphabet soup agency again.

It obviously helped that a lot of his worst demons were the ones Nana had banished, long ago: feeling alone and unloved, worrying he wasn’t enough, fearing he’d lose her far too soon. Okay, so he helped with that last one, but she’d kept on living, so Alec considered that her victory like the rest. Still, he’d picked up plenty of his own problems since leaving home, and she listened to whatever he had to say. Sometimes she gave advice, sometimes she just changed the subject to stories of some of his foster siblings or the latest drama with her neighbor or their stories on TV. It didn’t really matter, she was his Nana, she had always loved and accepted him and been there to rely on; she always would.

The rest of the crew didn’t have people like that anymore. Not at the beginning.

But it didn’t take too terribly long for them to start becoming those people for one another. And like anything, it was easier in fair weather at first. They’d hang out and watch TV and eat food together, but no one came to another member of the crew for comfort when they felt sick or upset or lonely. That took much longer.

It happened, though. Alec wasn’t even the first one; that was Sophie and Parker. Parker started poking at Sophie, metaphorically and otherwise, whenever she was in one of her horrible lost moods, and for the most part it seemed to work. She’d snap out of it, just a little, whenever Parker forced her to react to what was actually happening around her. And it happened for the rest of them, too: Nate still drank himself to death, but he visibly tried to bite back on the vitriol on his worst days. Sometimes Sophie could reach him even then, though everyone else still was better off not pushing too far. Parker still went silent and small, but she stopped leaving the room every time. Instead she’d sit on the couch hunched up into herself, wrap her arms around her knees... and lean her side into someone next to her. Usually Eliot, Sophie a little more rarely, and then Alec. Even after they got together, that ratio didn’t change - but she held his hand sometimes. Spoke to him, when they were alone, in short bitten-off sentences, and held him tight till his knuckles ached. 

Alec liked hugs, when he was really upset - liked being wrapped up in someone’s arms, feeling their warmth and a steady heartbeat under his ear. He liked listening to them talk, sometimes even more than he wanted to spill his own guts. Sophie was fantastic at telling stories that brought him out of his bad mood, while Parker’s firm touch was infinitely comforting. Nate and Eliot were less comfortable with the physical affection, but Eliot would always hug him back for a few seconds, before patting him hard on the back and making him something delicious to eat; Nate often managed to find a job that was up Alec’s alley, or make some awkward comment that was about ninety times more comforting than it ever ought to be.

They’d all gotten better about being vulnerable together, about seeking comfort from one another.

Except Eliot.

Oh, he was better about the smaller stuff. He hugged, now. He’d go on cooking sprees and essentially force feed them comfort food. He even talked about his feelings. It was just that he didn’t do any of that on Bad Days. He’d work through a rough mood with their support just fine, but whenever anything bothered him deep, he withdrew again. Left, again. Came back a week later limping or bandaged and didn’t say a word about any of it. And Alec would never want to push him - that’d be the worst reaction. Eliot knew how to be dangerous, sometimes couldn’t help being dangerous; maybe that was what he needed on days like that. Or maybe he just couldn’t turn it off and didn’t want it turned on them. Either way, Alec trusted him and wasn’t going to press for anything to change if he wasn’t ready... but he still worried, every time. Eliot wasn’t going to lose a fight, he wasn’t going to leave like that and not come back to them. He wasn’t ever going to hurt any of them, and he knew how to stay intact enough to do his job. But intact wasn’t the same as safe. Every time, Eliot came back injured, and Alec honestly didn’t know if he was letting it happen or if he just threw himself into situations where it was unavoidable. There wasn’t much difference between the two, really, and he wanted to help. He wanted Eliot to come to him instead, him and Parker both. Sophie or Nate would do too, anyone would really as long as he stayed safe, but - but he and Parker had talked about this, they wanted Eliot with them. In every way, that kind of came with the territory of being in love, but especially this one.

It didn’t happen though. Not for years - not for years after they learned about Damien Moreau, even, and at the time Alec had wondered if that’d been what stopped Eliot from ever seeking them out before then. If he’d thought it’d be too much like lying, asking them to comfort him when he knew what he’d done had been horrible, had been something Alec couldn’t forgive.

(He wasn’t ever going to ask. He’d still love Eliot, he swore he would, but he’d never ever ask.)

But even then, even long after then, Eliot kept to himself. When Parker and Alec finally, finally convinced him that yes, they wanted him too, that didn’t make a difference; for so many other wonderful things but not this. He went away, came back, didn’t say a word. He didn’t change his routine when Sophie and Nate retired either, just sometimes mentioned that he was leaving for a while, first. None of them ever had really bad days on the job, they were all too good at compartmentalizing for that, but Eliot especially seemed to time them well. It was damn suspicious - but so were all those bruises, every single time, and those were worse.

When it finally changed, Alec didn’t know why. He didn’t ask either, that was another thing he knew better than to ever ask about - but, god, his heart ached to know. Because Eliot didn’t come to him, not all the way. He came so, so close and then stopped short - and Alec knew this couldn’t be the first time he’d done that. It couldn’t be, he just knew it, and he wondered how many times Eliot had done this first, had suffered right by his door and then left and came back days later hurting on the outside instead.

It was three forty-two AM. Alec woke up thirsty. He yawned at the ceiling, considered just rolling over and ignoring it, but his throat was dry and he knew his awareness of that was going to take over completely and drive him mad as soon as he shut his eyes again. It happened all the time. So, even though he was extremely comfortable, he wiggled out from under Parker’s arm and walked out of their bedroom.

He didn’t notice Eliot on his way to the kitchen. (Wondered now, too often and always with a sick twist in his gut, how many times he hadn’t noticed him on his way back to bed either.) Drank a glass of water in the dark, felt it cool and refreshing down his throat and drank another half-glass after just for the feeling. Then he padded back along the hall, scratching absently at his stomach as he went - and that was where he saw him.

Eliot was sitting in the hall, just outside the door to their bedroom. He was still dressed in his clothes from yesterday: a white t-shirt and jeans, brown shoes. He hadn’t come back yet when Alec and Parker went to bed, but none of them exactly had a regular sleep schedule and Eliot had said he was going to be back late from hanging out with some old friends. So it was possible that he’d only just gotten back, maybe that he was drunk and tired and it seemed more logical to just sit down here instead.

That wasn’t it though, so clearly wasn’t what was happening here. Eliot’s knees were up, his feet planted in front of him. He sat with his back against the wall, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped around the back of his head. He was just staring down at the floor beneath his feet, holding himself down and still and Alec could see the tension in his arms from the opposite end of the hall. Eliot could’ve been here for hours. He’d nearly walked right past him again, he’d nearly -

Alec didn’t think about it. He was there before his brain had even fully processed what he was seeing; fell down to his knees so hard they cracked loudly against the wood floor but didn’t stop. He scooted in, tucked his whole self around Eliot, one knee under his bent leg and one wedged between his back and the wall. Wrapped his arms around the top of Eliot’s head, grabbed on tight to his wrist; rested his chin on top of Eliot’s head and stared into the dark, feeling his own breath go shaky and rough.

Eliot didn’t move under him, didn’t let up the tension in his grip at all. But there was a shape emerging from the darkness of the bedroom; Parker must’ve heard Alec hit the floor, because she wandered out to join them, yawning and loose-limbed. Her eyes went wide when she saw what was going on, but she reacted quickly too. Parker just flopped on top of them both, letting her head fall down to join Eliot as her arms draped loosely over the top of his head to rest on Alec’s shoulders. She was doing that gross mouth-breathing thing she did sometimes when she’d just woken up; for a long minute it was the only sound in that dark, warm hallway.

Then Eliot started to shiver. Just a little at first, but soon it was a full-body shudder that just kept going and going and Alec squeezed him tighter, held him closer and breathed him in and finally spoke: “We got you, babe. We gotchu.”

“Together,” Parker mumbled, voice soft and arms still loose, but she was sitting up on her knees and pressing her head close in, her words going right into Eliot’s ear.

He just sat there and shook, and they held him and waited, long enough that Alec’s back and arms ached from sitting there too long and then a while after that. Eventually, Eliot relaxed: tension bleeding out of him slowly, slowly, slowly.

His head drooped lower. His fingers unlaced, and Alec caught them with his own. Parker sat up as he pulled back, pulled Eliot’s arms down. He kissed his hands, one then the other on his knuckles, and they weren’t swollen or wet. Just loose in his grasp, curling slightly under his kiss.

When he looked up, Eliot’s head was still down. He was watching Parker as she unlaced his shoes for him. Alec stuck a hand under the knee closest to him, lifted it so Eliot’s foot was no longer on the floor, and Parker tugged the shoe and then sock off. He reached under to do the same with the other leg next, and Eliot just let him. He didn’t resist or help.

They stood up next, leaving the shoes and socks in the hall to trip over in the morning. Eliot walked with them into their bedroom; when they stopped at the edge of the bed he sighed softly.

Parker stepped up in front of him. Looked Eliot quietly in the eyes as she unbuckled his belt, tugged it loose and then pulled his pants down. He just stood there, slack and exhausted and when she knelt down to tug the jeans past his ankles, he leaned his head back into Alec’s shoulder. Even though Alec hadn’t heard him cry at all for however long they’d sat out there, Eliot was moving with the sluggishness of the truly sobbed-out. Alec wrapped his arms around Eliot’s back and bent down to kiss his shoulder. He swallowed loudly, and the sound made Alec’s own throat feel tight.

Parker climbed onto the bed first, scooted all the way over and laid down with her arms and legs out, waiting for them to join her. Alec took a moment to let go, but when he did Eliot immediately crawled in after her, pressing his forehead into her neck as she pulled him close. Alec stopped to shut the door and make sure the blinds were completely shut over the window before he followed. By the time he made it back to the bed, they’d shifted around. Parker was spooning Eliot, a leg over top of his and a hand lightly fisted in his hair.

Alec pulled the covers over all of them, slid right up against Eliot and sandwiched him fully between himself and Parker. He kissed her over Eliot’s head, wrapped his arm around them both, and shut his eyes. Listened to their breathing slow.

Eliot didn’t say anything. Not that night and not the next morning. Despite Alec’s efforts, either some morning sun got to him or his internal alarm clock just ignored even the worst need for rest, because Eliot got up first. He made them all breakfast and didn’t talk about what had happened with such clear deliberation that they both knew not to, either. He was weird all day, had a kind of wild look in his eyes and didn’t really hold his end of the conversation well... but he didn’t leave, and he didn’t stay away for days, and he didn’t come back with bruises or cuts or a concussion.

Not that time. He still did, sometimes. But sometimes Parker still vanished, sometimes no one but Nana would do and Alec couldn’t cry for anyone else, not even his partners. Eliot started showing up next to them more often on his bad days. He didn’t quite ask for their help, but he sat somewhere they could find him, held himself tight inside and when they held him too he’d start to shake. He cried, sometimes, but usually he just got quiet and tense and exhausted, afterwards. He never talked, and Alec wasn’t sure he ever would, but that was okay.

Eliot was okay. He had them both to help, just like they had him when they needed. He let them help now, let Alec hold him and protect him and keep him safe like he’d always done for them. It made him feel so important, so trusted and full to overflowing with love. He checked the hallway in both directions every time he got up for a glass of water. Most of the time, it was empty, but sometimes he held Eliot again, hugged him tight until his grip on himself finally relaxed.

Kissed his knuckles then, on calloused and unbroken skin.

[91percentpynch]

jean moreau and tattoos

look i have both terrible time managemant and the inability to focus on university when my brain keeps yelling jean moreau headcanons at me so i‘ll give you ✨ this✨ now and the update of my kevaaron fic hopefully next tuesday? next week? this is so short but i still hope you enjoy it!! if you‘re wondering what dogs i‘m talking about you can check out my „jean + dogs“ post!!

jean moreau covers up the cursed three with a moon. it‘s the first tattoo he chooses for himself. it matches the sun jeremy got on his collar bone after jean called him his sun and jeremy continously told him „if i am the sun, you are the moon. reflecting the love i‘m giving you right back to me“

so following the moon were stars. wandering from around his moon, down his neck to his back where they would get lost into constellations. constellations that resemble his thoughts and feelings. messy and chaotic. dark and beautiful. that they covered up some more of his scars was just a bonus. really.

on his bad days jeremy would mumble to him „have the courage to exist, jean moreau. the future is bright“. so naturally the next tattoos he got was „have the courage to exist“ in jeremy‘s handwriting on his left wrist and „the future is bright“ in the same font on his right wist.

jean loves to doodle. from flowers to the sun to jeremy‘s eyes. one day he drew an anatomy heart with flowers growing out of it. he went to the tattoo shop, showed them the drawing, pointed right over his heart and told them to put it there. it was a reminder that yes his heart might have been broken into a trillion pieces and yes his biggest wish might once have been for it to simply stop beating, but today he was alive. flowers grew out of the broken pieces of his heart fixing it together again. with his journey to find self-love and self-acceptance they began to bloom just like he himself. and the broken, lost twenty one year old boy turned into a force of nature so strong and beautiful and bright that god himself wouldn‘t dare to fight him.

jean and jeremy decided to get another matching tattoos on their ankles. two hands holding out to reach each other. because that‘s what they did, isn‘t it? they held each other on their bad days, holding the broken pieces togther. they held each other on their good days to absorb the warmth of each other. they held onto each other as if their life depended on it, because perhaps it simply did.

jean morau found an unusal friend in the ever so angry, ever so quiet aaron minyard. because in some way they were the same. in some way they were connected. in some way they simply understood each other. so they got matching tatoos as well. they decided on a semikolon on the inside of their middle finger. the semikolon a symbol for a story that is not yet done and the middle fnger? well, it‘s a fuck you to everyone who ever dared to doubt them. a fuck you to everyone who ever dared to hurt them. a fuck you to everyone who looks at them and doesn‘t see how good they are, how they deserve love and attention and all the good in the world. a fuck you to their younger selves, a fuck you to their abuser, because aaron and jean lived and they died.

the words riko craved into his skin, using jean‘s body as a curel cavern for his ugly painting, were covered up by declarations of love. „worthless“ was replaced by „mi amor“. „faggot“ was replaced by „moi lunes“. „riko‘s property“ was replaced by „love of my life“. it were things jeremy called him. things that showed him that after all this human being - the emobidment of the sun even - was able to look at him and fall in love with every single scar, every single truth and lie about him, every inch of his being.

so when jean moreau finally was ready to let go of the three, to let go of the pain and the insecurities and anxieties that came with it, when he slowly but steadily began to see his body as his own canvas, he began to fill it with things he loved. with his friends and declarations of love. with the stars that gave him hope and the moon that would reflect the love of his long lost lover. and when he understood how good it felt he decided he wanted to give it back.

so when jean morau saw the little shop in a hidden corner of los angeles where the sun always shone he got it. he always knew he would quit exy and so he did. he started his own tattoo studio, drawing on other people with so much love and affection that he was one of the best in the field. after training jeremy‘s laugh would fill the studio. in the mornings his dogs would sleep at his feet, while he designed tattoos. ocassionally renee and aaron would come around, looking at him with so much pride and happiness in their eyes. and it was one of those days that jean moreau realized: he might not have healed now but he felt happiness and love and affection and that was all he ever truly needed.

[nekojitachan]

it’s been a long week but at least I got this done. And now I have to get chapter fics done. Really. But the first part of the angsty Raven!Andrew soulmate not fic is done. Not that I’m already thinking of the second part. And hey! It’s a fic that’s under 40k...

Last part can be found here

Mentions of violence (being beaten) but not explicit, but I think that’s it? Oh, references to Ichirou’s past.

*******

Waking up in pain wasn’t unusual for Andrew, not after all the years in the foster system then his time spent in juvie. He’d gotten so used to it that it had been unexpected, living with Nicky and Aaron, when he woke up most days without the sensation of pain somewhere in his body, only to be replaced with the strain from overworked muscles once he joined the Ravens (oh, and a sadistic bastard who had a thing for caning his players).

But this? The stinging throb from punches and kicks? Definitely familiar. What wasn’t? The large room with black leather couches, large, flat-screen televisions on the wall, a fancy-looking bar, and expensive artwork scattered around the place, not to mention an expanse of windows on the one side. Andrew rubbed his bound hands through the plush red carpet he lay upon and suspected that he was in the East Tower where Nathaniel spent so much time.

He’d just started to push himself into a sitting position when he heard the sound of muffled footsteps. “Looks like the runt is awake,” a deep voice called out. “Just like Junior, he bounces back fast.”

Before Andrew could turn around, he found himself jerked upright by the back of his jersey by Nathan Wesninski of all people; the bastard was dressed in black slacks and a light grey dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He barely had time to take that in before he was punched in the stomach, right where his padding was the thinnest, with enough force to make him gasp in pain, and then again in the face. As he struggled to shove the bastard away, to do something, Wesninski laughed and slammed him against the wall. “And just like Junior, you don’t know when to behave and take your punishment, you little-“

“That’s enough.”

The firmly spoken command was enough to stop Wesninski in mid-punch; the bastard grunted as he let go of Andrew’s throat and stepped away. “I was told to teach him a lesson.”

“I believe you’ve done that,” a young Asian man, dressed in a tailored black suit, told Wesninski as he stepped forward; he looked to be in his early twenties, if that, with a lean build and black hair combed back from a face which was oddly familiar.

Andrew suspected that he’d finally met Ichirou Moriyama.

“Tetsuji said-“

“And I just told you that’s enough.” Despite Ichirou not raising his voice, something in his dark gold eyes made Wesninski stiffen and bow his head. “I’ll deal with Minyard, you can leave and inform my uncle that the matter is resolved on your way out.” When Wesninski moved forward, Ichirou spoke again. “And Nathan? I’ll also deal with Nathaniel.”

Something unpleasant flashed across Wesninski’s face at the mention of his son. “It’s best if I handle my-“

Ichirou cut off the man known as ‘the Butcher’ once again as he walked over to the bar. “He’s not your anything anymore, not after you sold him to my family. You have your orders.” He looked up from pouring a drink to give Wesninski a cold look, as if daring the man to make him say anything else.

He might be a sadistic, abusive bastard, but Wesninski apparently could get the hint; he bowed his head in a curt manner then stalked out of the room.

Andrew slumped against the wall and watched him go, then focused his attention on the unknown Moriyama; well, that was partially untrue. He knew that the young man was Riko’s older brother yet had nothing to do with the asshole, and that for some reason, he tended to look out for Nathaniel.

That he appeared to be here to ‘deal’ with Andrew.

“What, no drink for me?” he drawled as he raised his bound hands to dab at his bleeding lip.

Ichirou regarded him with cool appraisal while he sipped his drink, appearing in no hurry to answer. Once the glass was empty, he set it down on the bar and refilled it. “Nat tells me that you’re intelligent, almost frighteningly so, and never forget a thing. He also says you’re very stubborn, which isn’t a surprise if you’re his soulmate.”

Andrew merely grunted in response to those facts.

“I know that you’re rather talented at Exy, considering your stats, and that you’ve been protecting Nat.” Ichirou paused to sip his drink while Andrew gazed at him with a blank expression. “And that Nat has feelings for you, because he’s never tried to sneak anything out of here before, yet he’s suddenly discovered a new appreciation for sweets, something he’s always hated before.”

“That’s quite a guess, isn’t it? Maybe he took them for Moreau,” Andrew suggested as he stared at the zip tie around his wrists as if he could will it to melt away.

Ichirou huffed as if amused and swirled the golden alcohol around in the cut crystal glass. “I’ve known Nat for years, and the only time he requests anything for his partner is when we had marzipan treats. No, this was for you, his soulmate, the man who required seven people to pry him away from Nat.”

It would have taken more than that if that prick, Riko, hadn’t smashed a racquet down on his head; only his helmet saved him from a serious injury. “I do it for all the boys who bring me cupcakes.”

“I’m sure.” The right corner of Ichirou’s mouth twitched upward as he reached into an inner pocket of his suit’s coat and pulled out a knife.

“Gonna start on that whole ‘deal with me’ thing?” Andrew asked as he eyed the weapon with care; Ichirou had a few inches on him, but he thought he could take the Japanese man even with his hands bound – at least knock him aside and get a good head’s start.

“Hmm, something like that. Hold out your hands and remain still,” Ichirou ordered as he came to a halt just out of reach. He gave Andrew a bored look while he flipped the knife in his right hand. “Unless you don’t want to have that drink and talk about something that will benefit Nat in the end.”

That… was that a trick? Andrew frowned at the Moriyama for a moment before he decided he could always beat him up if it was and held out his hands. He tensed as Ichirou slashed with the knife, but only to sever the plastic tie holding his hands bound. “What about Nat?” he asked as he rubbed his sore wrists once they were free.

“He told me that you found out about his father selling him to my family, and about what we really do,” Ichirou said as he returned to the bar and poured another glass of what turned out to be a very nice whiskey. “Don’t be upset with him, as he knows better than to lie to me.”

Andrew’s eyes narrowed at that ‘knows better’ part; he forced himself to have another sip of whiskey rather than throw it in the asshole’s impassive face. “Yes, I know.” Between Jean and his truth game with Nathaniel, he finally did know why Riko thought he could do whatever the hell he wanted, consequences be damned.

“Yes, so you understand that my father is a very powerful man, one who doesn’t tolerate weakness, and he’s raised me to be the same way,” Ichirou explained as he removed his coat, which revealed a pistol in a shoulder holster, then he began to undo the cuff of his left sleeve once the coat was draped over the back of the nearest couch.

The whiskey helped a little with the pain, so Andrew poured himself another glass. “I know you’ve a pet serial killer in your pocket, and your dad disowned your little brother for some reason, which has given the psycho some serious daddy issues. Is there a point to this?”

Ichirou’s lips twitched again. “Very much so, especially in regard to Riko.” His expression turned flat when he mentioned his brother. “As I said, we’re allowed no weakness.” He turned his left forearm to Andrew, which exposed his soulmate mark.

What was left of it, that was.

Cold washed down Andrew’s spine when he realized that the shadow-like flower petals which surrounded the sword indicated that Ichirou’s soulmate was dead, and he instinctively reached for his own mark as if to confirm that it was unmarred (that Nathaniel was still alive). Ichirou noticed the movement and nodded once before he reached for his neglected drink.

“There is to be only one Moriyama heir at a time, to avoid splitting the clan apart with rivalries. My mother, my father’s soulmate, knew that, yet….” He paused for a long swallow of whiskey then refilled the glass once it was set down. “Perhaps she felt certain the child would be a girl, or that my father wouldn’t care if it was a boy since he allowed her to bear the child. Regardless, that child was Riko, and my father chose to punish her for risking the clan’s succession.”

Andrew suspected that the woman hadn’t had her credit cards cut up or something like that, not when Ichirou had another gulp of whiskey.

“It wasn’t enough that Riko took my mother away from me, but my father confirmed at his birth that he was a boy and noticed that he had no soulmate mark. He decided that was the one way that his unwanted child was better than me and resolved to spare me his own weakness.” He held up his exposed left arm and gazed at it without emotion. “When I found my soulmate, he immediately had her killed.”

Well, this was such a fascinating story, all full of fun trauma and everything, but Andrew had a living soulmate he needed to check on (and keep out of trouble). “Can we skip to the point of this? I assume there’s a reason you’re monologuing.”

Ichirou’s eyes narrowed as he rolled down his sleeve. “Riko should never have been born, yet here he is, a thorn in my father’s side. Soon he’ll be a thorn in my side, and that I won’t allow.” The young mobster��s voice grew harsh as he tugged on his suit coat. “Unlike my father, I pay attention to what happens here, I know that Tetsuji has created a monster who is one major scandal from bringing unwanted attention our way.”

“You listen to Nathaniel,” Andrew surmised as he debated one more drink but decided against it.

“Nat,” Ichirou acknowledged with a slight bob of his head, “and I’ve placed a few of my men within the Nest in the past year. There has been an increasing amount of Ravens who’ve washed out before graduation in the last couple years due to the ‘stress’ of the program, and now Kevin Day. It’s only going to get worse by the time Riko himself graduates.”

Here came the sales pitch, Andrew thought as he pulled away from the bar. “What do you expect me to do?” Someone like Ichirou didn’t save him from a beating and ply him with expensive alcohol for nothing.

The smile that had threatened to form on Ichirou’s lips finally was allowed free, though it was a slight, cold thing. “Riko has taken much from me, so in return I want him to lose everything.” He turned around to face the expanse of windows which overlooked Castle Evermore. “Everything he holds dear, I want him to see it slip from his grasp right before the life he never should have had ends.”

Andrew thought about that for a moment while he felt out the large bump on his head. “You want me to take down Riko.” Ichirou gave a curt nod. “And the Ravens?”

“The team will need new management to undo the damage Riko and Tetsuji has done to it and allow it to be useful once more.”

Okay. “That sounds like you want me to take down Tetsuji as well.” Not that he was complaining, especially after all the canings. Especially after all the canings to Nathaniel.

Ichirou looked over his shoulder, his expression impassive once more. “It needs to be done in a manner that the main branch can control, to ensure that our people are in place to pick up the pieces once those two are removed.”

Andrew clicked his tongue as he picked up the crystal decanter filled with whiskey. “You’re not asking for much, are you?” When Ichirou remained quiet, he clicked his tongue again. “What do I get out of all this?” A million bucks would be nice.

Ichirou resumed gazing upon the Exy court below. “Other than currently not being beaten half-dead by the Butcher? There is the matter of your soulmate.”

Mention of Nathaniel made Andrew stiffen, ready to throw the decanter at the first threat uttered against him. “What about Nat?” he asked, voice harsh with warning.

“He will always belong to the Moriyamas, he’s too useful and already knows too many things,” Ichirou said, his back still turned to Andrew as if unconcerned about being attacked. “But as with all things of value, he should be treated with care, not abused and locked away. Agree to this, and he’ll formally belong to the main branch. Once you’ve completed the task? Well, we can discuss allowing Nat a bit more freedom.” He turned around to give Andrew a stern look. “Within reason. He’ll always have obligations to honor.”

Andrew would deal with those ‘obligations’ one day, the main thing was protecting Nathaniel. If it also meant getting him away from the Nest by fucking up Riko? Not a problem, not a problem at all. “Can I rely on your people for assistance?” he asked, mind already busy thinking up possibilities; his biggest challenge was being restricted to the Nest most of the time.

“Of course, Nat can assist you with that.” Ichirou cocked his head to the side as he regarded Andrew. “I assume we are in agreement?”

“Make sure the assholes leave Nat alone and yes, we’re in agreement.” Andrew would be all in to kill Riko regardless, but anything that benefited Nathaniel on top was added incentive.

“Wonderful.”

Not really, that would be Andrew wiping out all the Moriyamas and the Butcher as well then riding off into the distance in a nice new Ferrari with Nathaniel beside him, but it was a start. He hummed as he walked away with the whiskey, done with the conversation (and Moriyamas) for the time being; he heard Ichirou huff behind him then speak Japanese a moment later, and found a guard waiting out in the hallway who ‘escorted’ him back to the Nest.

Ichirou might be a Moriyama bastard, but at least he knew when to pick his battles.

The halls of the Nest were unusually quiet and empty; Andrew suspected that everyone had gone to ground after their ‘king’ having a wee bit of disassociation from sanity earlier. He made his way to Nathaniel’s room and didn’t bother to knock before entering.

He found his soulmate huddled on his bed, right cheek bruised and expression startled, with Jean nowhere to be found. “Where’s Valjean?” Andrew asked as he sat down on the other end of the bed.

“Uhm, off with Toby and Leif.” Nathaniel gave him a worried look as he slowly unfurled. “Are you all right? Did Tetsuji do anything to you?”

“Just peachy.” Andrew set the bottle on the floor as he turned toward Nathaniel, sore body protesting from the movement. “Why are you alone?”

Nathaniel frowned as he reached for Andrew’s face but stopped just short of touching him. “Because Tetsuji said he called my father. I didn’t want Jean here when he comes.” He glanced at the door and shook his head. “You should go.”

Aw, was someone trying to protect him from the big, bad Butcher? “I already had the displeasure of meeting the walking sperm-bank who fathered you,” Andrew said as he got up to fetch a change of clothes, tired of wearing his uniform; he figured one of Jean’s shirts and a pair of Nathaniel’s loose cotton pants should fit. Somewhat fit.

“Wait, you did? Are you really okay?” Nathaniel asked in a rush as he got up, too (and fetched the pants once he figured out what Andrew was looking for). “Is he still here?”

“Ichirou sent him on his way and told him to leave you alone.” Andrew took the clothes and went into the bathroom to change, but left the door open a crack so they could continue to talk. He’d ache for the next couple days, but it felt good to get his gear off at last.

“Ichirou’s here, too? Great.” It sounded as if Nathaniel slumped against the wall. “Is he angry? I mean, not that he yells or anything when he’s mad, but you can tell because of how he goes all tense and fake smiley.”

Good to know. “Not with you.” If anything, Ichirou thought a little too well of ‘Nat’, especially since he didn’t have a soulmate of his own anymore, but one thing at a time.

“Oh.” Andrew stepped back into the room to find Nathaniel nibbling on his bottom lip as he dwelled on something. “Why did he talk to you, then?”

“Because he wants me to do something for him.” There was no reason to keep it a secret, not when he’d need Nathaniel’s help (and probably Jean’s as well).

And maybe a certain stubborn idiot would back down to throwing himself into trouble if he knew that there was an endgame in sight.

(Who was he kidding?)

“And what is that?” Nathaniel reached out to tug on the overlarge t-shirt Andrew wore and pull him closer, seemingly unafraid of his presence. “What does he want?”

Andrew leaned his forearms against the wall, which penned his soulmate in; Nathaniel gazed at him without fear but a growing amount of impatience. “It seems that he doesn’t care for his baby brother and wants me to take him down,” he murmured after he leaned in, his mouth close to Nathaniel’s right ear.

“You… Ichirou’s finally going to do something about Riko?” Nathaniel stared at him in disbelief. “And he wants you to help?”

Andrew clicked his tongue as he fought not to slide his fingers into his soulmate’s tousled hair. “He wants me to do all the fucking work, and he wants the psycho gone before he causes too many problems.” He’d keep quiet on the whole family drama for now, especially since Nathaniel had his own share of it.

“Oh.” Nathaniel nibbled on his bottom lip again, while Andrew struggled not to shiver in response, to lean in and suck on it to soothe the savaged flesh. “You… you don’t have to do it alone, you know. I’ll help.”

Of course he would. “I agreed to do the deal.”

“And I owe Riko for years of- I owe him,” Nathaniel argued, his voice hoarse and eyes alight with anger.

“Fine,” Andrew relented after a few seconds. “But you listen to me and don’t do anything on your own.” Nathaniel nodded and, after a moment, once more reached for his abused mouth, his fingers a scant distance away as he traced along his split lower lip.

“Are you really okay? I know… I know how my father can be.”

That was quite the understatement. “I’m fine,” Andrew insisted as he gave in and slid the fingers of his right hand into Nathaniel’s mussed curls. “What about you?”

The idiot shrugged and didn’t look away. “Tetsuji hit me a couple times but he was too busy dealing with Riko and willing to leave me to my father.” When his hand lingered near Andrew’s shoulder, Andrew caught it and rested it along the side of his neck; that time he shivered to feel his soulmate touch him.

“There and along my shoulder,” he said, his voice husky for some reason. “Yes or no?” he asked, unable to hold back when his soulmate looked at him like that, when he showed such concern, when he allowed him so close without fear. Unable to explain exactly what he meant.

Nathaniel blinked at the question, his pupils blown and reaction slow, and just when Andrew was about to pull away, used his hold on Andrew’s neck to gently pull him closer. “Yes,” he breathed out as his eyes drifted shut. “Yes.”

Later they would talk, would sit down and figure things out… but right then, all Andrew wanted to do was have Nathaniel’s lithe body against his, to do some of his own nibbling on that full bottom lip, to feel a heartbeat that pulsed in time with his own between his lips as he sucked on his soulmate’s neck…

His soulmate.

Nathaniel was addictive and almost docile in his arms, was mindful of his hands while he arched into Andrew’s touch like a cat which craved attention. He was… he was perfect, and only the aches from being hit earlier convinced Andrew that he was real.

He wanted so much more than kisses and lingering touches, but there was Nathaniel choking back on a ‘please’, was him smoothing his thumb over the ‘3’ on a flushed cheekbone. He wanted, and it seemed that his soulmate wanted, too (was it truly real?), yet he pulled away before he did something to ruin the one truly good thing that Fate had seemed to grant him in his life.

(Which he would burn the world to ash to keep safe.)

“Ohhh… wait, no,” Nathaniel breathed out as he grabbed the hem of Andrew’s borrowed shirt. “Why? Did I-“

Andrew flicked at a loose curl that fell onto his soulmate’s face. “That’s enough for now, sweetpea. Don’t want to overwhelm you with my sexiness.”

As expected, Nathaniel went from aroused to annoyed in less than two seconds. “Overwhelm me with your arrogance? Too late, hasenfürzchen.” When Andrew went to complain about his nickname, Nathaniel pushed forward and dragged him toward the bed – unfortunately, just to talk. “Now let’s figure out what to do while Jean’s not here.”

True, they’d have more time to talk about things between them on Friday, they might as well focus on getting rid of Riko as soon as possible. Part of Andrew chided him for being a fool in thinking that Nathaniel was such a ‘sure thing’, but each time his soulmate smiled at him and agreed to something long-term….

Nathaniel did the impossible and made him believe.

(Nathaniel also agreed to hide the rest of the whiskey so he didn’t have to share it with Ben, which meant he had something else to look forward to on Friday.)

He forced himself to leave eventually, aware that Jean was worried about his partner and intent on doing something before the Ravens met up for dinner. Nathaniel’s burner phone in hand (oh yes, Ichirou needed to learn some boundaries in regard to others’ soulmates very soon), he went out on court for some necessary privacy and called one of the two numbers on it (the other was going to be deleted very soon).

A familiar voice answered, sounding a bit confused. “Nat? It’s not Sunday, is everything all right?”

“Everything’s fine, but it’s not Nat,” Andrew told Kevin Day in French. “He did lend me this phone, though, if you hadn’t guessed.”

It was quiet on the end for several seconds. “Nat’s all right, yes? I mean, you’re his soulmate so-“

“Yes, he’s fine.” Andrew felt a bit insulted by the question. “Shut up with the stupid questions, I don’t have much time.”

“I- okay, what’s going on?”

Slightly better. “This is where you answer my questions and then listen as I tell you what’s going to happen if you want to remain free of the Moriyamas,” Andrew told him. “As well as pay back the friends who got you out of this hellhole.” Perhaps he was taking Ichirou a bit too literally with the whole ‘allow Nat more freedom’, but he’d cross that bridge when he came to it.

(He’d kill the crime lord when he came to it, if necessary.)

All that mattered was that Kevin Day listened and obeyed, and played his part in Riko’s downfall.

(He wondered what it would take to get Nathaniel to go with him to Eden’s.)

*******

IDFK why it removes some of my italics. IDFK.

There you go, Ichirou dealing with Andrew instead of Neil/Nathaniel. I imagine it’s a lot of blank faces all around.

It hasn’t been a good migraine week and busy w/ work, so hopefully this isn’t too much gibberish.

Thanks so much, those of you who’ve stuck with this not-fic.

[nekojitachan]

I feel like 24 and 77 would go well together for whichever ship you want

… you don’t understand, this is the THIRD time I’ve tried to write this. The first two, tumblr has eaten them, so now I’ve finally switched to Word in hopes that it doesn’t vanish before I’ve finished.

THREE TIMES! And I just know that the best parts have vanished into the void. ;_;

So, Soulmates AU and in Vino Veritas. When I saw the soulmates part, I immediately wanted to do ‘Andriel’, but to be honest, I’ve a few Andriel prompts already (and a Kandriel), so… all right, we’re doing Jeaneil here. Sorry.

(warnings for canon abuse being mentioned)

*******

It’s not unusual for people to have soulmates – in fact it’s rather common. The thing is, even if you have a soulmate? The bond isn’t cemented until it’s acknowledged aloud by those involved, which means that one doesn’t have to accept it (be forced into it) if they don’t want.

Not all soulmate bounds are a happy thing, after all.

(something Mary should have remembered, should have listened to her brothers’ warnings about before she acknowledged her bond with Nathan Wesninski so quickly.)

Neil (Nathaniel, Abram and soon enough dozens of other personas) began to dream about a young man with pale grey eyes and black hair and a sad smile when he was around seven years old. Nathan beat him bloody for doing so, while Mary smacked him hard and yanked at his hair while she drilled into his head that he was never, ever to acknowledge the other boy (Jean). Inured as he was to pain by then, Neil nevertheless associated soulmates to something evil (like telling the truth or trusting someone other than his mother).

It wasn’t like he had much time to dwell on the whole ‘soulmate’ thing, not when a couple years later, Mary took him and a large sum of money and ran away from his father, a seemingly upright businessman who really was an assassin for some powerful lord. Not when Neil spent the next several years on the run, lying and stealing and doing various other unsavory things as he and his mother did their best to stay alive while his father’s people hunted them down.

(he continued to dream about Jean the entire time.)

They managed to do that for a long time, at least until one night on the North-Eastern coast, when Nathan finally tracked them down and landed a killing blow on Mary. Neil didn’t realize it until they were miles away and Mary’s indomitable strength finally gave away, when he had to bury her near the ocean after promising to keep running. It wasn’t until a couple months later that he found out she’d cast a curse on herself that hollowed out whoever killed her (Nathan) from the inside out in the most painful way imaginable, leaving Neil (Nathaniel, Abram) an orphan at last.

Leaving Neil adrift without sense or purpose, without Mary to pull him along or mutter in his ear what to do (and smack him for not doing it fast enough).

He spent the next few months wandering around the realm, stealing only whatever was necessary and causing as little harm as possible, the only familiar things his soulmate dreams. Which may have been why he ended up in a city as it celebrated some sort of victory, uncomfortable at all the raven logos which were an odd color (at least to his memory). When a servant offered him a goblet of wine, he hesitated for a moment… and then accepted it with a slight shrug.

It wasn’t like he planned on socializing with anyone, so why not enjoy something alcoholic for once? He drank the fruity wine and had another, and another, along with some apple tarts and meat pies (while he swiped a few full coin purses along the way).

He’d just snagged another purse and was slipping away when he bumped into someone who also seemed intent on escaping from a group of people – someone tall (the bastard) with broad shoulders and shaggy black hair. When they turned around, Neil was struck by their pale grey eyes which seemed so familiar – by thick brows, full lips tugged down in a frown, the slight bump in the otherwise straight nose that he craved to reach out and stroke and…..

“Oh fuck,” he murmured as he stumbled backwards.

Those grey eyes grew wide as the young man (Jean, it was Jean, damnit) almost reached for him. “You, you’re real! You’re real and here!” He had a faint accent to his voice, one which indicated he was from the southeastern region.

“Oh hell, no I’m not, I’m not real, this isn’t happening,” Neil babbled as he wrapped his arms around his chest, as he felt his face grow flushed and wavered a little – too much wine, he thought. “You’re not real.”

Jean shook his head before he glanced around and, after seeing something off to the left side, grabbed onto Neil’s arm and dragged him away, into one of the small recesses which were set up for private conversations. “I’ve looked everywhere for you! I… I made the mistake of describing you to Riko and he said you were dead, but I knew that wasn’t true.” Something like resignation and pain crossed his face for a moment before it grew resolved. “I knew it was one of his lies, especially after seeing what he did to Kevin. All that matters is that you’re here now.” He took a deep breath as if to steady himself  while he gave Neil a tremulous smile. “You’re here at last, and I, Jean Moreau, accept you as my soulmate.”

Neil could only gape at Jean, at the person he’d dreamed about for so long, so blithely acknowledged him as a soulmate. He wanted to turn around and run, to spew something so hateful that Jean would never think of him again… yet when he opened his mouth, he was stunned at what came out. “I, Neil Abram, accept you as my soulmate.”

No no no no no! What had he done? He could hear his mother’s voice screaming at him, yet a tingling warmth that had nothing to do with the wine filled him as Jean’s smile took on a tingling happiness.

His… his soulmate leaned forward for some reason, only to still when a loud, drunken voice could be heard shouting in the distance; Neil didn’t need the barely formed bond between them to know that whoever it was, he scared Jean. “Come on,” he urged as he grabbed Jean by the left wrist, “we’re leaving.”

“But….” For a moment, Jean hesitated before he gave in with a weak laugh; he must have seen enough of Neil’s life through dreams to know if there was one thing Neil was good at, it was running away. “Okay.” The next time he laughed, it was more assured. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Neil didn’t know what would happen next or where they would go, but somehow… somehow he was certain that his mother had been wrong about soulmates (at least about his soulmate) and that he wouldn’t be without a purpose anymore.

*******

Uhm, it seems I’m more like writing the story at a high level rather than describing how I’d write it? Oh well, quibbles. But yes, very high level/gloss over some details of how this would go down. Happy ending with Neil and Jean as they travel the country, Jean chiding Neil for picking pockets while Neil buys Jean things to make him smile.

[aftgficlibrary]

Raven!Neil

Updated 20 November 2018

Black As Is The Raven, He’ll Get A Partner by nekojita (E | Incomplete | 31/?)

When Wymack, Kevin and Andrew came to recruit Neil Josten in Millport, Neil decided to say 'no' instead of 'yes' to joining the Foxes and does what he does best, which is runs. Unfortunately, that brings him to the attention of the Moriyamas, who return him to to his 'rightful' place.

Now Neil has to learn how to survive at the Nest with his only ally another 'asset' long kept under Riko's heel.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

Raven to Fox by Andrw_Jstn for AsfaHan (Not Rated | 268,134 | 46/46)

AU: Neil's mom ran without him, he was sold off to the Moriyamas soon after, growing up with Kevin and Riko. It'll all be explained in the prologue.  

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

This Is What Hollows by constellationqueen (E | Incomplete | 21/?)

A month after Kevin runs from the Ravens, Nathaniel Wesninski is sent to the Foxes as a message from Riko.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence /Rape/Non-Con /Underage

Plus Ca Change, Plus C'est La Même Chose by nekojita (T | 18,069 | 1/1)

Nathaniel has spent the last eight years at Evermore, eight years rebelling against Riko and the idea of the Perfect Court, eight years standing between the Moriyamas and Jean Moreau. Now Nathaniel and Jean are following in Kevin Day's footsteps and leaving Edgar Allan/Evermore behind to join the Palmetto State Foxes. Kevin is eager to welcome two talented Exy players and former teammates onto a team which badly needs them, but Andrew? Andrew suspects that there's more to their arrival than the two are willing to reveal - and he takes his promises seriously.

Another contribution to the amazing ExyorDeath zine (and then some...).

dangerous and disquieting by fuechsli (Not Rated | Incomplete | 17/?)

The kid looks up to him abruptly, pupils blown wide like those of a startled rabbit. “Well, if that isn’t a surprise,” Andrew muses, his eyes locked onto the stark black four etched onto Nathaniel Wesninski’s cheekbone, creating a brutal contrast with the rest of his bruised face. Nathaniel Wesninski smiles a crooked smile, revealing that even his teeth are painted bloody. “Hi,” he says, as if he wasn’t currently leaving permanent stains on Andrew’s favourite bean bag with his fucking vital body fluid. “I’d shake your hand, but...” Nathaniel Wesninski lifts a hand, bloody and bruised, some fingers looking grotesquely out of shape. He clenches them anyway and winces when the pain seems to hit him, but his expression gives nothing away.

He’s a p r o b l e m.

***

In which Mary's first attempt at stealing her son away has failed and she only succeeds five years later. But the damage is done and the lack of running-experience leads to Nathan catching up with them. What we see here is the aftermath of that and the hell that is Nathaniel Wesninski's life—at least up to the point when he meets the Foxes and slowly becomes another person under the name of Neil Josten.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence /Rape/Non-Con 

a switchblade is my preferred weapon by badacts (M | 150,134 | 48/48)

The Foxes take on an injured Kevin Day, and get a Raven-trained backliner with a point to prove into the bargain.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

The Unkindness of Ravens by crazy_like_a (M | Incomplete | 45/?)

After Kevin publicly announces his intention to play for the Foxes, Riko sends Nathaniel Wesninski to convince him to return to the Nest. Unfortunately for Riko, Nathaniel has other plans.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence 

three strikes (and you're out) by palmettto (T | 5,123 | 1/1)

She held her body and her racket like a weapon; the only way she knew how.

BloodSport by bloodydamnit (M | Incomplete | 5/?)

Don’t even think about it Nathaniel. Do you want to know what we did to the other boy who ran?

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

Brothers by Nikotheamazingspoonklepto (Not Rated | Incomplete | 9/?)

Childhood for a Moriyama is brutal. Exacting. There is no room for mistakes, no room for love. Yet when Ichirou's mother breaks the rules and introduces him to newborn Riko, he finds that sometimes, love is involuntary.

Ichirou breaks the cycle of shunning his younger brother and does everything he can to be there for his baby brother... Where his father failed to defy the Moriyama traditions and be a brother to Tetsuji, Ichirou will succeed.

This is that story.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Major Character Death /Underage

Bruises and Broken Feathers by Yourwritersblock (T | Incomplete | 1/3)

The pool of blood he was lying in was already cold, but the agonizing pain in his side kept Nathaniel on the ground. The cracked rib was probably the worst of his injuries, but the knife slashes across his stomach and chest still stung with the freezing metal they had been torn open with.

The locker room door swung open and Nathaniel lifted his pounding head as it clicked closed again. Andrew sauntered towards him and leaned his weight against the black tiles on the wall. “That took longer than expected.”

A Raven AU in which Neil pines and Andrew can't keep his eyes away from the stubborn backliner.

only ravens can fly (but come winter, they will die) by hiraethia (M | Incomplete | 2/?)

"what is your real name, little fledgling?" andrew asked.

he glanced at andrew, a ghostly smile crossing his face. something in andrew shifted when he saw that beneath the blood-crimson eye shadow, a pair of haunting blue eyes stared through him.

"neil," he said, his voice a chime and a roar all in one.

(in which neil is the ravens' newest performer and riko's second partner, and andrew has a reputation as the heartless critic with the trojan herald).

inspired by the greatest showman.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

Blood and Smoke by andreil (M | Incomplete | 10/?)

After being blinded in one eye by Riko, Neil and his twin brother Nathaniel strive to find a place where they belong.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

birds of prey by illinois_e (T | 9,385 | 1/1)

nathaniel hides in the closet whenever his father is mentioned, drinks a bottle of gatorade per day and finds comfort in the walls that protect him as much as they keep him confined to the darkest rooms of his captors' nest.

[or the one where nathaniel is a raven, always have been, always will be—even if he is still, somewhere inside, a fox too.]

the truth about falling by alaseux (T | Incomplete | 5/?)

Nathaniel Wesninski has grown up as a Raven; as the best backliner in the country, he has dedicated his life to the Perfect Court and to Exy. And then he recruits Andrew Minyard, who couldn't care less about the game.

Just learning how to know your mind by Elyant (T | Incomplete | 2/?)

What if Nathaniel Wesninski had been raised a Raven, and his mother only ran away with him when he was fifteen ? What if his father caught them five years later, and Stuart Hatford had rescued him too late to save his right leg ?

What if Kevin Day had held his end of the deal, and Andrew Minyard kept playing Exy after graduation ? What if Andrew had met Abram Hatford in a pub during his second year as a professional Exy player ?

This is a vague attempt to answer at least the last question.

Series: Part 1 of The Devil makes three

flash fires by viridae (M | Incomplete | 3/?)

When Nathaniel runs from Evermore at fifteen with his mother, he doesn't expect his life to last much longer- until Kevin Day, a renowned gunman-turned-rebel, and Andrew Minyard, an orphan-turned-assassin, show up in Millport, Arizona, to recruit him for the Palmetto Foxes' rebellion.

Suddenly confronted with defying and rebelling against the Moriyamas and his father, Neil Josten is forced to barter and trade away his truths one by one in order to stay alive.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

Tears Dry On Their Own (The Happily Ever After Remix) by ToastMaloneIII (E | 4,706 | 1/1)

Not many people get excited to hear that their flight has been cancelled. Then again, most people don’t live with an exy obsessed, sadistic asshole who controls their every move. This cancelled flight? It’s a miracle. A goddamn gift from the universe.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

False Perception by archieknight (Not Rated | Incomplete | 25/?)

False perceptions and altered reflections, in a house made of shattered glass. Secrets are only safe with dead men and the truth-seekers who so easily converse with them. playlist

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Major Character Death

Burn, Baby, Burn by wesninskids (M | Incomplete | 3/?)

Nathaniel Wesninski is Riko’s precious #2, his best backliner, weapon of choice, and only mercenary—the first piece of his Perfect Court: in exchange of everything, thirteen year old Nathaniel gets his number tattooed on his cheekbone and becomes Riko’s partner for better or for worse. Soon Kevin Day and Jean Moreau join the envied line of Ravens and become partners in their turn, and the four of them chase after glory and find the missing pieces of their Perfect Court one player after the other, drunk on power and victory, caring for one another no matter what.

But then Nathaniel strikes a deal with Lola Malcolm to protect himself, and it’s all downhill from here.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

Gucci Gang by wesninskids (M | Incomplete | 5/?)

Perfection is everywhere. It’s hidden, it’s safe and sound where curious eyes don’t think to linger, it’s where the night stops and starts, in the little things we do not hear. It lies where the right people can spot it—and sometimes, sometimes it lets itself be taken and used, be loved, destroyed even.

Nathaniel Wesninski had never been after perfection. He thought it reserved to the weak-minded, at first, those who’d never have anything else to search after than beauty, those who would never understand it and never quite do it justice. But when you’re nineteen, anything can be beautiful: from a timid sunset to gentle hands running along your spine, a kiss, a lie, a pitch black night with nothing but mystery and unknown and secrets. Chaos, too. Chaos above all things.

The gods should have considered it when they gave Nathaniel Wesninski all the tools he needed to obtain it: money, power, beauty and depth, eyes that never stared for too long and never gave away everything. They should have known it’d take a monster to destroy one. They should have known monsters and perfection never did too well.

If they had known, then perhaps no one would have died.

Perhaps

The Paradox of Perfection by Sundaye (M | Incomplete | 1/?)

Nathaniel Wesninski has been his father's property since birth. Another tool in the Butcher's criminal empire, alive as long as he's useful. Or so he thought. As it turns out, Nathaniel's life belongs to someone else entirely--the Moriyama family, a group of criminals even more powerful than the Butcher's. After proving his worth to the Moriyamas through exy, Nathaniel is handed over to the Edgar Allen Ravens to train under them so he can one day contribute to the Moriyama's wealth and influence.

A terrible accident forces Nathaniel to question what his survival under the Moriyamas is worth. And whether he's willing to keep paying that price.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

what it takes to survive by hundreddollarlarry (E | Incomplete | 32/?)

Everyone seems shocked that Neil managed to flee the Nest, not long after Kevin escapes with a broken hand, and broken heart. But Neil will do whatever it takes to make sure that his little family is safe. And as someone who's grown up in the nest being tinged by the Moriyama's world, he knows a couple of tricks to make sure that happens. The last thing he needs is an interesting blond boy getting in his way.

Raven!Neil fic, where he escapes not long after Kevin and brings himself and Jean to play for the foxes while having to live with the consequences of the deal that he made to keep them all safe.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

give your tears (to the tide) by alaseux (T | Incomplete | 9/?)

They are nothing if not survivors, and so many have tried to carve the hearts from their chests that sometimes even breathing feels like a gift.

(or, Nathaniel and Jean are rescued from the Nest. They heal as Foxes.)

Let me tell you a story about war by wesninskids (M | Incomplete | 8/?)

Nathaniel Wesninski is the third dangerous piece of machinery to Riko's Perfect Court. He's a Raven before the hour, and it's a somber wagon Jean Moreau is the latest addition to.

Taller, older, fuming with pride and anger, dangerously charismatic and with a certain talent for causing trouble, he's the kind of threat Nathaniel should eradicate for his own sake. But Ravens operate on a pair-based system to enhance synchrony, and he's stuck with Jean whether he wants it or not.

There can only be so long before one of them breaks, and Nathaniel is determined not to be the first.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Underage

hawk in the raven nest by prouveyrac (T | 89,618 | 31/31)

Nathaniel Wesninski always knew that his life could have been much different, and perhaps much easier, if he had been anyone but Nathaniel Wesninski. With the three on his face and a state of always being surrounded by his fellow Perfect Court, he was forced into accepting his life as a number before he was a person. Though, when the cracks in the Ravens and in their corrupt Captain and Coach began to show, Nathaniel realized that he couldn't just sit back and let things be. Dreaming of dismantling the amazing yet corrupt Edgar Allan Ravens was one thing; actually going through with it, with two unexpected allies at his side, was a different story entirely.

(updated every monday and friday)

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

A Raven's Chance by abernathy (M | Incomplete | 17/?)

[PREVIOUS TITLE: SELLER OF SOULS] Raven!Neil; Nathaniel Wesninski has lived his entire life in the shadows at Castle Evermore, but now that star-player Kevin Day has deserted, he's the newest replacement for the Edgar Allan Ravens. Stuck in a city he hates and suffering through a lifetime of abuse from Riko, Nathaniel finds his only way out is through a promise with the most unlikely of allies.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

Ignition by evil_diabolical_oops (T | 5,036 | 1/1)

Riko has banned all things PSU after Andrew Minyard snubbed the Ravens and signed with the Foxes, but Kevin wants to see a special interview with his father. Kevin and Thea sneak out of the Nest to watch it with a little help from a matchmaking Nathaniel.

My contribution to the Exy or Death Charity Zine 2k17

Fly Low Carrion Crow by nekojita (M | 5,381 | 1/1)

Kevin has fled Edgar Allan, leaving Nathaniel and Jean behind to bear the brunt of Riko's unstable temper. Long used to having little power and control, to using what little advantages he has, Nathaniel refuses to allow the abuses to continue - especially to allow his lover to pay the price for Kevin's cowardice or Riko's growing madness. He'll do whatever he has to do to keep the one person he cares about safe.

Another contribution to the amazing ExyorDeath zine!

/Rape/Non-Con

There for You by nekojita (T | 5,890 | 1/1)

Andrew only has a few more months left in juvie, a few more months of mandatory therapy and - just as bad in his opinion - playing Exy. All he cares about is finally being free to live on his own terms, in not answering to anyone, in being left alone (and alone), and refuses to harbor any thoughts of pursuing Exy scholarships.

So he's not amused when the Ravens show up one day interested in him. That is, until one of their Perfect Court happens to pique his interest in return.

One of my fics for the Exy of Death 2017 charity zine

Given It All by glittermerm (E | Incomplete | 14/?)

Raised to be a Raven, Nathaniel knows his place as #3 in Riko's perfect court. But when #2 Kevin leaves, Riko doesn't forgive him, and neither does Nathaniel.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

Dare You To by goldveines (M | Incomplete | 5/?)

Nathaniel's place is at Riko's side, the hidden and elusive number three to Riko's perfect court. His identity is kept secret due to his father's history, but the three on his cheek tells the truth: some things can't be hidden - such as Nathaniel's inclination to his father's personality. Nathaniel isn't interested in being loyal to Riko, he's interested in playing Exy; and his methods aren't always to Riko or his partner, Jean's, benefit. He'll push both his own limits and those around him to play.

!!HIATUS UNTIL JULY!! Send any comments/questions about this to @goldveines.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

the fine line by HeavenlyDusk  (T | Incomplete | 9/?)

Nathaniel would prefer to lay low while in the rivaling kingdom. He has three weeks until he can go back to living a relatively peaceful life as a servant, but those plans change when he's dragged to a ball he has no right being at.

Prince Andrew isn't about to just let him leave after one dance, but it's hard to find someone who doesn't technically exist.

appendages by autisticandrewminyard (transtwinyards) (M | 37,946 | 11/11)

noun ap·pend·age \ə-ˈpen-dij\ 1: an adjunct to something larger or more important : appurtenance 2: a usually projecting part of an animal or plant body that is typically smaller and of less functional importance than the main part to which it is attached; especially : a limb or analogous part (such as a seta) 3 [appendant]: a dependent or subordinate person

Nathaniel Wesninski grapples with his life as the heir to a criminal empire, as the vice captain to the Edgar Allan Ravens, and as the person he wants to be seen as.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

The Emperor's Pardon by orphan_account (E | Incomplete | 8/?)

In the months after Kevin Day fled from Riko’s shadow and sought the aegis of the Palmetto Foxes, Riko had thrown a large enough tantrum that Nathaniel was sent to moderate the affair.

prompt: what if neil ended up inheriting his father’s position as the moriyama family's assassin?

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

Better Than a Grave or a Hearse by iaquilam (Not Rated | 41,794 | 6/6)

“What do you think of the Ravens’ new player?” “He is nothing to me,” Andrew says, staring up at the ceiling, and then amends, “he can’t keep his mouth shut.” Renee hums in agreement. “He doesn’t seem bad for a Raven.” “Guns don’t seem bad until you shoot them.” “Do you think he’s going to end up shooting someone?” "I think that anyone who can’t keep their mouth shut is a liability and a danger.”

Or, Riko is hellbent on bringing Kevin back to the Nest, Andrew is hellbent on stopping him, and Neil Josten is hellbent on making problems for everyone involved.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

Sinners will be Saints by Yuu_chi (M | Incomplete | 5/?)

Nathaniel Wesninski was raised to be a Raven - and yet in all universes his path leads him to the Foxes.

Even Salt Looks Like Sugar by bestmistake (T | Incomplete | 1/?)

Nathaniel was going to destroy the Ravens and he was going to do it from the inside.

Nathaniel was going to destroy Riko and he was going to do it alone.

(That was of course, until Andrew showed up)

The Darkness of the Soul by GinnyRose (T | Incomplete | 31/?)

Nathaniel Wesninski has lived a life of pain. Sold by his father and treated as a pet by his adoptive brother, he has never known kindness. Abandoned by one of the only people he trusted and beaten by his owners, he is left scarred and broken outside a stranger's door. Will he find kindness with the foxes or will he return to the only life he knows?

Something About Runaways by chillbill3 (M | Incomplete | 2/?)

Neil Josten comes to the foxes as a runaway in disguise knowing it won't be long before he is found. Only, this time he runs from Castle Evermore, not Baltimore. A trans boy, given to the Master as Natalia Wesninski, he is forced to run. He's a Raven to the end, but he'll do whatever it takes to survive.

this should have been title Castle NEvermore (quick joke before you lodge into pain and suffering)

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

Neil, huh? by Frenchie (Fauks) (M | Incomplete | 13/?)

Andrew meets Raven!Neil

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

communion by Saul (M | 9,870 | 3/3)

Jean was his home and his jailer. Neil was the breath in his lungs and the chain on his ankle.

Series: Part 2 of groundhog day au

Stitch Yourself Back Together by story_telling_sage (M | Incomplete | 9/?)

David Wymack did not get paid enough for this. He got paid to coach a Class I Exy team. He got paid not make sure Andrew didn’t actually murder anyone. He got paid to get his kids to the court and whip their asses into shape. He probably didn’t get paid enough to deal with traumatized, violent teenagers on a daily basis but he walked right into that one on his own and refused to regret it.

He did not get paid to come to his office only to have the door blocked by a vaguely human shaped bleeding mess.

--

In which Nathaniel Wesninski never became Neil Josten. When he and his mother ran they were caught and Nathan's transaction went through with the Moriyamas. In this world Nathaniel wears the #3 on his cheek until Riko takes things too far and decides to send a message.

just like his father by modernpatroclus (M | 1,482 | 1/1)

prompt: Andreil moment when Neil gets so into being Nathaniel that Andrew is having a tough time reminding Neil of who he really is

Or: Nathaniel knew he could only pretend to be Neil Josten for so long.

Series: Part 2 of raven!neil

tell the devil i said hey by modernpatroclus (M | 2,456 | 1/1)

Andreil + grenade by Bruno Mars? But instead of the other not feeling the same they actually do (BC lets be honest it andreil and they'd die for each other without another thought)

Or: AU where Nathaniel was caught and sold to the Ravens after his mother's death. He escapes and joins the Foxes as Neil Josten, but when Andrew is sent to Easthaven, Riko threatens him with Proust if Nathaniel doesn't return.

Series: Part 1 of raven!neil

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

Go. by minyard03 (T | 5,558 | 1/1)

Months passed, games went, the Foxes got over Neils random disappearance. At least, until they saw him practicing with their rivals a day before they were due to go head to head. Andrew knew one thing for sure, though;

Black and red didn't suit Neil.

unexpected. by thomintnewt (Not Rated | Incomplete | 1/?)

When Kengo dies, Renee goes into the Nest to get one Raven and comes out with two.

[Raven!Neil AU]

The Hand Sings Weapon. by orphan_account (M | Incomplete | 3/?)

The Perfect Court Lineup; #1 Riko Moriyama. #2 Kevin Day. #3 Nathaniel Wesninski. #4 Jean Moreau.

Kevin recruits potential Ravens with Riko's supervision. He chooses Andrew Minyard, a midget with an anger problem, who signs with the Ravens to get out of the care system. When Kevin's hand gets broken, Jean Moreau replaces Kevin as Riko's partner. Riko places Nathaniel with the new recruit to test the pair of them, and their pain tolerances.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

Want by constellate (T | 1,214 | 1/1)

"It is enough, you think, to have wanted and moved on. You content yourself with what you have. And then Riko smashes Kevin's hand, and Kevin runs to the Foxes of all people and everything basically goes to shit."

Nathaniel Wesninski has spent the last eight years raised as a raven in the nest. He wants out.