#is getting longer & i keep ping ponging from project to project

[raiiny-bay]

squeezing both of them

[aroacewxs]

sharing some of my rui headcanons :]

i mentioned this in that rui gender poll from a while back, but i am personally a believer of any/all pronouns rui with gender that cannot be labelled whatsoever. i think he'd generally consider and present himself as male, but doesn't have many strong preferences about it. doesn't actively make the effort to dress "femininely," but he'd probably fuck with long skirts if given the opportunity!

and all of you know how much i base my personality off of this by now, but. aroace rui :) aroace rui who has always understood romance as a concept, a trope. he can pick up on romantic cues, but purposefully chooses to pretend they don't exist. the mere thought of him experiencing romantic attraction fills him with so much disgust he has to distract himself for hours. i'd ramble a bit more, but then we'd be here for too long..

i think he'd have really good sleight of hand! he's always had an interest for things like card/coin tricks, and picked up more after learning from kaito :) he always has a little trick or illusion up his sleeve and occasionally performs them for kids at phoeniland or just on the street!

despite having really good dexterity with his tools and tricks, he is terrible with sewing and needles. tsukasa has tried everything in his power to teach him, but nothing stops him from accidentally pricking himself.

incredibly susceptible to cold temperatures. is usually wearing a couple more layers than necessary

doesn't get sick often, but when he does, the illness hits him like a TRUCK. it takes him at least a week to recover. he's huddled up in blankets like a poor and frail victorian child, and he can barely work up an appetite. the kicker: he doesn't realize he's feeling Bad until somebody points out how horrible he looks. and that's when it settles

always needs something in his hand to fiddle with! super super good at spinning his pens and pencils (sleight of hand), and is often found twiddling with his longer strands of hair. he also has a bunch of miscellaneous screws and trinkets and trash in his pockets that he keeps to fidget with.

rui has intrusive thoughts (projecting).. most of them come from his deep fear of hurting others and anxiety regarding social perception and safety

this is already kind of canon i think but. whenever rui ever makes the effort to actually clean his room (shocking), he almost always gets distracted by something he finds, and soon enough, cleaning is no longer of his concern.

shitty handwriting. he CAN write neatly, but he just chooses not to

i think he'd be really good at game pigeon word hunt. and sudoku. and crosswords. all the word puzzles. and it pisses tsukasa and nene off a lot. emu is his worthy rival

sensitive teeth. can't bite into ice cream...

this is a given, but aside from theatre, i think he'd be super into other performance arts like ballet. he'd be really intrigued by how storytelling can be completely reliant on visuals and motions with no words and lyrics. ballerina rui au is also something i've brewed in my brain a while ago but the logistics are funny

his opinion on mint chocolate ice cream: taste is perfectly fine but he doesn't appreciate the chocolate chunks at all

weird sock collection. he will die if he doesn't have a funky pair of socks on his feet at all times. aside from when he sleeps probably

lots of unfinished word documents.. he's had a few aspirations about writing an actual novel instead of a script, but the ideas are like ping pong balls in his brain that interfere with his other priorities so he never actually gets much writing done.. one day he will though

that's all i can recall for now.. i'll make more soon if i think of more! this is also a humble request for any other rui headcanons you may have that aren't mentioned here.. hehehe

[aryanightshade]

IV.

This Episode of Stranger Things is Called: Floor Is Lava

-

{you have four new messages}

“Hey, Eddie. It’s Wayne. Your Uncle Wayne. I was surprised to hear from you. It’s been a while. I, uh, you didn’t leave a number to call back, so I asked around town about you. Heard you’re renting a place from the old sheriff. Thought that was a little funny. You know, with how much you gave me the runaround as youngster. … I hope you’re doing okay, son. If you wanna talk, you know where to find me.”

- - - -

Eddie doesn’t puke from nerves, but it’s a near thing.

It’s Wayne.

Checking in.

It’s an immediate upset to the already delicate emotional equilibrium he’s managed to achieve after freaking out Steve’s porch, and it makes him spin in circles, frothing with panic, like an animal with its leg caught in a steel trap, drawing blood from his own panicked movements.

Wayne.

Wayne found him. After Eddie had made it so goddamned difficult, too. After he gave Wayne a virtual middle finger when he vanished into the night without a word with nothing but big dreams and his own teenage arrogance.

Damn that stubborn old man.

Eddie steps out onto the porch, hovering under palter shelter offered by the eaves from the summer rain, and sucks down cigarette after cigarette until his fingers are frozen and shaking and his pack is empty.

I hope you’re doing okay, son.

Wayne found him. He called.

Down across the yard, the Harrington house is still and lightless. They must be out and about, playing in the water. Eddie flicks his last butt away, watching it spin in lackadaisical circles in a puddle before vanishing between the boards of the porch. Why did Wayne call him back? He doesn’t owe Eddie anything. Anything at all. Eddie was only ever a nuisance, dumped on Wayne’s porch by Indiana CPS when his dad got arrested for his umpteenth DUI or whatever other shit he was involved in that week. Growing up, Eddie spent more time in Wayne’s trailer than not, and those months not being ping-ponged between shitty apartments in Indianapolis were definitely the most stable stretches of his life by a long shot.

Until now.

He sort of owes Wayne a response, doesn’t he?

That being said, Wayne and Eddie are two people astonishingly ill-equipped to have an emotionally probing conversation about anything.

Oddly, Eddie finds his conversation with Steve ratting around the inside of his brain, clattering like loose change in a dryer. About staying here. In Hawkins. About toughing it out. About this being worth it.

He makes toast for El, then a piece for himself, turning the nauseating idea over in his mind. If they stay here, in Hawkins, for longer than a few months, and that’s a big fucking if, then Eddie has to deal with this. He can’t just keep pretending Wayne doesn’t exist.

Eddie knows Wayne cares about him, deep down, under all the tough love and gruffness. He’s not stupid, but a little part of him, the part that’s a total fucking coward always looking for the easy way out, was sort of hoping that maybe Wayne had given up on him completely and they would never have to have this conversation. The whole sorry I disappeared and got a girl pregnant even though I’m a flaming queer and got then got addicted to heroin after she died because I didn’t know how else to get it to stop hurting conversation.

Yeah.

That.

Right.

Eddie shoves the rest of his toast into his mouth. It tastes like glue.

Read on Ao3

[ktb-513]

In the garage of my childhood home, stood 4 foot tall, 3 tiered wooden shelves that my dad built to keep his garage organized.. On the top shelf, he kept his car washing supplies in a bucket. The bucket was filled with wash rags, soap, tire polish, squeegees, and stacks of newspaper that he used to dry the windows so as not to streak them. On the same shelf there were 2 footballs- one small enough for my tiny hands to throw, and one suitable for the boys.. That top shelf held baseballs, baseball bats, miscellaneous sports equipment, and one rack of umpiring shoes.

Everything had a place on a shelf. And every shelf seemed to have a rationale to the placement, and the frequency it was used. Things we accessed often were on the top, right at eye level. Things we only needed every few months stayed on the middle shelf, and things we may need once in a blue moon were on the garage floor (which served as the bottom shelf). The less often we needed items, the further down on the shelves they went. My dad is meticulous about everything having a place and a purpose. It was instinctual in our house to know exactly where an item would be in the garage when we needed it. My dad would often be in the middle of a project or repair, and shout, “Hey Katie, go grab me that ___ from the garage.”

I remember most of the contents of the top shelf. But i felt a lump in my throat today when i tried to recall what sat on the other shelves, and I couldn’t. Because it’s been almost 10 years since I’ve lived in that house for longer than a summer. It’s been 10 years since my dad asked me to go grab him something from the garage. It’s been 10 years since I’ve had to step up onto the wheel of his truck, climb into its bed and reach something on the top shelf for him.

Today I sat in my own garage, helping my husband hang a shelf that is 636 miles away from the shelves my dad made. I realized today that I don’t remember what was on the bottom shelf, or in the middle. I don’t remember what I would reach for on the bottom shelf that I could locate so instinctually. In the moment that I realized this, I felt tears well in my eyes.

I realized that my inability to recall the shelves contents are a symptom. It is a symptom that time continues to pass without my permission and those memories fade at the same speed. I don’t know how my dad’s garage is organized anymore, and for some reason, that is almost painful. I sat and wondered what he does now when he needs something from the garage.

Does he fetch it himself? Does he shout to my mom to get it for him? And why do I feel so sad that he figured out how to get things from the garage without me?

I don’t particularly miss that garage or living in that house. I remember slivers of life there when I roller bladed around inside there, jumping over cones and having confidence that one day, I could roller blade professionally. I remember when we briefly had a ping pong table that we’d play on with our friends, but not nearly often enough. I remember when I ran to meet my dad in the garage when he returned from work to show him I got my ears pierced, and he almost cried. That garage held mostly good memories.

But it isn’t the memories or the activities that happened in the garage that make me feel this pain. I feel this pain because I never realized that there would be a last time that I got something from those shelves, or that there would be a last time that I remembered what sat on those shelves.

Even though aging is natural and my move was for the best, the garage begs me to think of my parents’ life and of mine.

I don’t know the ins and outs, or contents of their days, and they don’t know the ins and outs of mine. Aging and growing up from a distance is just sitting with the strange twinges of pain from unexpected moments like hanging shelves in a garage.

It means that we all had to adapt and learn how to move through life without each other- and being okay with that.

Aging, and healing from a distance is learning to be okay with not knowing how my dad’s garage is organized anymore.

[fmlfpl]

Wildcard Musings - Day 4 - Post 5 - Friday, Dec. 29th at 5:53pm

did our weekly rate my team livestream earlier today (it’s a patreon tier called Weekly Livestream RMTs if you’re wondering) and now i start my musings. it was our longest ever livestream to date because of wildcard chat lol.. and if you’re a subscriber but missed the livestream here’s the recording of it: https://www.patreon.com/posts/95497780?pr=true

with robbo “not even close” maybe i should take a harder look at joemez. you’d think he’ll get a minimum of three starts (GW20, 21, and 22) with of course an upside of a lot more then that depending on robbo’s recovery.

must be said he’s not really in the tier of tsimikas as far as potential underpriced gems go. he doesn’t really get bones and he barely has any attacking threat so… a lot less upside and flash. probably a miss but just something that piqued my interest.

digne is only out “20-25 days” according to emery and that’s only 2-3 GWs so moreno is probably not in my plans anymore.

he’s “nailed” i would say for BUR, eve, NEW (maybe 1 clean sheet?) and then possibly away to SheffU in GW23 (that’s 5 weeks away for the record so it’d be quite a bit longer then Emery’s initial estimate). i really don’t like away everton or home newcastle for cleans so yeah, doesn’t seem like a pick to me even though i rate the player highly and he certainly has upside. i could go into moreno just planning to move him on (maybe tripps) but… tbd.

also talking about defenders.. porro man doing my head in.. i know the attacking stuff, i know the bones, i know more than you would believe (shoutout to pep) but also losing son, sarr, and bissouma to be replaced by… gil, glc, and hoj with 0 backups in any of those positions i mean it’s pretty fucking rough. or skipp is even worse and ange LOVES him… they’re already a bottom four defense by non-pen xG conceded (bottom three if you include pens after the brighton game), how low will they go?

in tottenham’s defense of their defense, if you sort the table to only include minutes that were played XI v XI (still looking at NPxG conceded per 90) it looks a lot better. spurs jump from the aforementioned 17th to smack dab in the middle tied for 10th with both villa and newcastle. it’s a big jump. here’s that table if you’re curious:

XI v XI, sorted by Non-Penalty xG conceded per 90 via https://macro-football.shinyapps.io/live_table/

last thing on porro, friend of the pod Baker from the Above Average FPL pod reminded me that first of all there are only two GWs in January and second of all the team is going to look different by the time those two GWs are done and dusted with spuds shopping for defensive depth and also possibly romero + VDV + maddo + others back by then. that makes a big difference!

i’m also still thinking about keeping son in what i expect to be a very ping pong match with tons of high pressures, high turnovers, counterattacks, and in a lot of space… seems tailormade for sonny boy, might even cap the fucking guy.

foden too… if i’m too assume that he starts at least let’s say the next three, i doubt kevin will be back and ready to actually start matches by then, haaland maybe starts 1.5 of them, think foden has just been unplayable… man city are SHU new BUR… as friend of the pod Andy A said, one of those is a 6-0. he might make my team.

my “nailed in my team” picks for now i think are: trent, ollie, dom, jalv, palmer, gusto, estupinan, saka, and i thiiiiiiiiink that might be it. if we ignore backup GK that means i still have to make 6 difficult calls. fuck.

in an ideal world tonight i will still:

consume some pods / videos including two new Double Pivot episodes on Newcastle and Bournemouth, a bunch of new The Anfield Wrap episodes on Brighton v Tottenham, Bournemouth, Everton, Wolves, and Palace, the newest The FPL Wire episode on GW20 (where I think they spend some time on Wildcard GW20), and maybe more after that if there’s time left.

make a little chart of who i project to be the best GK picks and picking one.. i think it’s relatively easy to weed out a lot of guys and make a pick i’ll share anything that i do on that front.

plan just a little bit ahead of time… look at ok maybe do i want tripps, what if son/mo get knocked out earlier than expected how am i getting them back in, yada yada.

captain matrix which may make a pick or two more solidified in my team.

current tinker:

that’s it for now, thanks everyone for reading and following and happy new year. i’ll try to get another musings posted but TBD. all of life is feeling TBD in this moment.

[quillyfied]

A minor interlude about my sticker canvases project:

This project was begun in mind as a detour from the vague idea I’ve had for a few years now, which is “get or have Dad build some piece of furniture I plan on keeping for a while so the stickers can live somewhere permanent and on display.” I had the thought of a big tall desk organizer, and showed a few options to my dad to get his opinion on buying Vs building. His opinion: “handmade will take longer and likely be heavier and sturdier, store-bought will get here faster and be lighter but maybe less durable. Up to you, child.” I didn’t decide on anything, but did realize the thing about the stickers on canvases instead of furniture, and decided to get on that instead with the thought that once I got a desk organizer I would have a place to display the canvases.

Because my dad also has the ADHD and I pinged one of his emerging interests (building things from wood, as most Dad species picked up during lockdown heyday), he percolated on the idea for a couple weeks, then remembered some old laminated particle boards from our old ping-pong table that he kept for years. We dragged them out, and while the laminate is tearing off due to age, the boards themselves are pretty straight still, and the desk organizer I want comes with very exact measurements shown right in the listing, so he also has a blueprint to work from too. He still has to fix his table saw (keeps moving minutely during cutting, throwing measurements off by just enough to be very bad for sturdy furniture building), and the boards might not even cut properly, but he has a new project and I get to be involved in sating a shared curiosity, so theoretically everyone wins.

The hitch? Dad has warned me and I understand that building the thing could take a long time depending on his schedule and if materials cooperate. Which means I have sticker canvases spread all over my desk in the meantime. Sigh. (I’m telling myself I’m just letting them cure. In reality, I’m leery about storing them until I get some wax paper to put between them so they don’t stick together, which means either going to the store or grabbing the stack of it from work that I keep forgetting about, then finding a place for them to actually be while I wait on the organizer—)

[btsrunmylife]

sweetest darling sam, hello ;u; ♡ i love your comfort drabble series idea so much, i feel like this was made for you - not just by you. i hope you have fun with these, even providing comfort for your own self too in the process~

ah, to think i have a request already maybe says a lot that i go through this so often ^^; i will indulge with a little daydream of a drabble: i'm someone that takes care of others most of the time - and i love doing it, always and without a doubt - but there does come a point where i think... i give way too much? that i grew up way too fast... and next thing i know, i'm beyond exhausted, feeling bleak about getting myself back up and running, etc. (i'm a huge crybaby in private too, if it adds to oc's character at all kjhsdkjfhg) + despite being the youngest most of his life, could i have comfort!jk take care of me in return? ;-; ♡

Hello sweet cee 🥺💜 I just have to say before I post the drabble that I can very much relate to everything you've said. Us givers tend to give a lot of ourselves and forget to take or give to ourselves too! It’s something I’m still trying to remind myself to do.

The fact you said this project was made for me instead of by me really resonated with me, by the way! I’ve felt sort of called to do this for a while now, so I’m glad I’m finally getting the chance to! Thank you for sending something in and sharing with me! I hope this provides you the comfort you deserve, lovely! Wishing you the best with lots of love and support! 💜

The Comfort Drabbles -- About | Masterlist

One of the things about caring for other people is how draining it can be.

You became so good at caring for others that you no longer know how to take care of yourself. You don’t know how to slow down and ask yourself what you need. You’re too busy bouncing from one task to the next, ping-ponging between people who need you or want your help. “Because no one does it as well as you do,” they’ll say. “No one else gets things done as quickly. You just get it.”

Truthfully, you’ve spent most of your life anticipating the needs of other people – looking for physical and unspoken cues to tell you the right thing to make them feel (or to make the situation) better. You’ve also spent ridiculous amounts of your mental energy looking for the easiest, most time-efficient ways of getting things done. Because you know that before you’re even finished with one task or problem, someone else will be asking for your help with another.

Your to-do list is never ending. Not at work, not at home, and not amongst family and friends.

You actually think you’ve been on the go for so long, you’ve lost track of the off switch.

If there ever was one.

Logically, you know it’s in your best interest to slow down. It’s in your best interest to say “no” and take more time for yourself. To actually relax for once.

But you never do.

You just keep going until you hit a wall and there’s nothing left to give, not even to yourself.

This is one of those times.

You’re just getting home from a visit with your family. You love your family, you do, but you always feel drained afterwards. Between the dance of keeping up with conversation and trying to be an emotional  and physical support for them, you feel exhausted.

So, yes, you love your family, but sometimes it feels like you give more than you have to give and rarely get the same type of support in return.

You push through your apartment door with a sigh, feet all but dragging across the floor.

“Babe?” you hear from the other room.

“Jungkook?” you call with a panicked pause. You hadn’t been expecting him. You feel a small part of you die a little inside at the thought of entertaining another human being. Even if it is your delightful, thoughtful boyfriend.

“Hey,” he greets with a smile, helping you out of your jacket and nudging your slippers toward you. He squeezes your hand and places a quick kiss to your cheek.

“What are you doing here?” You hope you don’t sound disappointed. You’re not disappointed to see him, you just wish you had some time to recuperate first.

He doesn’t seem to take it personally, merely links your fingers together and pulls you further into the apartment. “I’m cooking you dinner.”

“Why?” you can’t help but ask. With his crazy schedule, you’re usually the one to cook for him.

He makes a noise in the back of his throat, like he’s somewhat offended. “Do I need a reason to cook for you?” He ushers you toward your bedroom. “Go wash up. It should be ready by the time you’re done.”

You narrow your eyes at him suspiciously, wondering what the special occasion could be, but you’re too tired to think about it for long. Instead, you do as you’re told, grab some comfier clothes, and head for the shower.

Washing up helps to ease some of the tension in your body, helps you release the emotions that you carry – some of them not even yours. You watch them evaporate in the steam that billows around you, your body feeling lighter and mind a little less cluttered.

It’s a relief, you think, to dry off and see the pile of skin care items lining your bathroom sink. You smile at Jungkook’s thoughtfulness, eyes immediately drawn to the face masks and body lotions he’s set out for you. It feels a little indulgent to apply them, but it also feels good to take the time for yourself. To focus more singularly on what your body needs in that moment.

Your stomach rumbles as soon as you step out of the bathroom to the smell of your favorite food.

Jungkook smiles when he sees you, nose wrinkling happily at the sight of you in your face mask. “Ah, you found them!”

You hum. “Laid out right where I could find them.”

You’re moving toward the small table in the corner of your kitchen when Jungkook shakes his head. “No, no, we’re eating on the couch tonight.”

You blink. “You hate it when we eat in the living room.”

He shrugs. “But you like to…and I have a movie picked out to watch while we eat.”

Once again, suspicion tickles your chest. “Why are you doing all this?”

“Doing what?” he asks innocently, blinking at you with his wide, bambi eyes that have admittedly gotten him off the hook many times before.

You motion to the food, the mask on your face, and the living room behind you. “All of this.”

“Ah,” he nods, brow furrowing like he’s thinking it through. “You were with your family today, right?”

You nod slowly, not sure where he’s going with this.

“And you’re tired now, right?” he continues, eyes flittering across your face.

“I’m always tired after I visit with them.”

He smiles, reaching for your hand. “Yeah. So, relax and let me take care of you.”

You open your mouth, ready to protest. You really don’t need him to take care of you.

But he already knows what you’re going to say before you say it.

He gives a firm shake of his head and waves his hand in front of your face. “Ah ah ah, no. Go sit and let me feed you. We’ll cuddle and watch a movie. You don’t have to worry about anything tonight.”

The stubborn part of you that’s so used to taking care of everyone else wants to argue.

But the part of you that’s just too tired is beyond relieved to not have any responsibilities tonight.

“Are you sure?” you ask meekly.

“I see what you’re doing.” He sighs. “You don’t have to feel guilty for being taken care of.” His thumb skates across the back of your hand. “I like taking care of you. Will you let me?”

Your heart swells in your chest and you nod, unable to conjure the words to properly thank him.

He grins and leans in to kiss you, only to pull away with a wrinkled nose and a swipe of his hand across his lips. His tongue pokes out between his lips. “Face mask.”

You giggle and his grin widens.

“Go, go,” he laughs, ushering you toward the living room.

You go quickly and he follows closely behind, two plates of food carefully balanced in his hands. He sits next to you, the warmth of his body next to yours comforting. As the two of you shift and get comfortable on the couch together, with your favorite comfort movie queued on the TV, you can’t help but wonder how you’d gotten so lucky.

Because after spending so much of your time taking care of everyone else, it’s nice to be taken care of…and it’s nice to be reminded that it’s important to take care of yourself too.

“Hey Guk?” you mutter with a shy side-eye.

He glances at you after taking a rather large bite, food spilling from his lips as he hums in question. You can’t help but laugh at him, watching in amusement as he tries to shovel the rest of it into his mouth with his chopsticks.

“I love you,” you laugh, your tone full of fond amusement.

His eyes crinkle with laughter as he covers his mouth with his hand and mutters around his mouthful, “I love you too.”

And yeah, you really are lucky, you decide.

[childotkw]

Hello Jordan! I know this is kind of random but I can't help but wonder if you have any tips for writers? I mean, I love your writing and it just baffles me how you are still writing Consuming Shadows, it’s been so long and the quality just keeps getting better! And to think that not only that, but you're still writing other stories… I wish I could be like you, but I can't write a single chapter without having to take a break for a long time because of burn out, and I love writing! Anyway, I'm sorry for the mumbling, I just wanted a few tips to keep writing without having to take such long breaks, and also how you come up with the stories, how you decide the story line... I hope I'm not bothering you. Hope you're doing okay! Also, do you have an idea which fic you're going to update next? Take care!

Hey there! Firstly - thank you so much for your kind words! Never feel like you're bothering me, I'm perfectly happy to answer these kinds of questions! (And believe me, no one is more surprised that I'm still writing CS then me - it's mind-boggling that it's been a constant in my life for five years.)

I've kind of pulled your three main questions out to address one-by-one, I hope that's okay? I feel like they are some pretty meaty topics, so I wanted to give them all the proper reply they deserve.

Dealing with burnout

This one was actually the one I wanted to talk about the most, since it's very personal to me and my experiences with writing. I get writer's burnout all the time. It's a constant mental and emotional battle for me, and for the longest time I was really really harsh with myself when it came to this. I would get upset whenever I was writing because I felt like nothing was good enough. I would constantly trash on the quality of my work, tear myself down, and I just generally would hate the very idea of writing. It was, and still is, awful. I've made myself hate writing so many times, and I can admit that I'm in this mental place right now (obligatory celebratory emoji for acknowledging my issues: 🥳).

You stop writing, you drop your projects and your interests, and you don't touch them again for months - sometimes years at a time. But you're also so incredibly miserable because you're not writing, and then you just ping-pong between those two thoughts until something happens to trip you out of it. It sucks. Majorly.

My main issue with burn out comes from two separate issues - writing for myself versus writing for an audience. There's the constant, oppressive knowledge that your work is being judged by strangers; and if you're like me and you don't have/want a beta reader, that weight is even heavier. You think things through more deeply, you second guess more stuff, and that translates to longer breaks between chapters as well.

(Seriously, before CS blew up and got popular, I was churning out chapters every week - but once the pressure of having more readers became a thing I slowed down massively. And sure, there are arguments that I was in uni, and working full-time (first as a barista, then as a manager), and was just generally trying to figure out how to be an adult - but a contributing factor in my mind to the slower updates was the fact that more eyes = more chances for me to screw up. I still remember this one ask I got that basically read like "why have you slowed down so much?? You used to be a lot faster :/ " and that one really got to me.)

So, I absolutely understand burning out. And I'm going to let you know a few of the things I do / tell myself whenever I get in this state, and hope that some of it can help you!

Be kind to yourself.

Seriously. I cannot stress this enough. Please be kind to yourself. If you write for fun, then let it be fun. You don't owe anyone anything, and you shouldn't punish yourself with hypothetical consequences that won't happen if you need to pause and step away and take breaks in between chapters. Don't blame yourself for putting your own enjoyment and mental/emotional health before a story. Your audience will wait for you, even if it takes time.

Keep writing no matter what.

This might seem counterintuitive to the whole 'burnout' thing - but you won't feel better if you stop writing. You'll get in even more of a slump. Be stubborn and make yourself write, even if it makes you feel like a grump.

Set yourself short-term, flexible goals

“I will write 50 words tonight" | "I will write one scene by the end of the week." | "I will finish half this chapter by the end of the month." | "I will write a sentence a day." | Never underestimate the power of having short, quick goals. You will feel a sense of accomplishment each time you tick off one of your goals, and before you know it, you'll have written a chapter.

Know what gets you in the mood.

Writing is a very laborious and exhausting process. Having little habits to get yourself in the correct mindset is really helpful. Listen to certain music (I'll listen to Japanese Koto music), have a favourite beverage (I drink tea and sometimes lemon water to get my brain flowing), set up in a specific location / position that will be your 'writing zone' (I can often be found on the floor). This can help build a connection in your brain that makes it go "oh we're on the floor in this one specific corner right now - must be time to word!"

Change projects.

This is something I fall back on all the time. If one project is frustrating me, I'll just put that one down and get another off the shelf, so to speak. I'll swap projects, swap scenes, swap fandoms, swap characters, and even swap from fanfiction to my original stuff. Staying stagnant on one story is never good for you. Fresh ideas will come when you're elbows deep in another story, and it's great! (Maybe have post-it notes or something similar nearby so you can jot those little thoughts down without losing your steam with the other stories).

Those are my biggest tips for dealing with burnout - if you want me to clarify on anything, or do a more intensive dive on anything, let me know! Now - onto the rest!

Coming up with story ideas

Ah yes, my greatest issue as a writer - too many story ideas, not enough restraint. 

I’ve always had an overactive imagination, so coming up with new ideas is very natural and easy (the sheer amount of AUs I have is testament to them haha), but whether those ideas have any substance to them is another matter entirely.

I’m naturally curious, so my story ideas normally come from me either asking questions or just pondering how different things would be if xyz happened instead. But my way of generating story ideas doesn’t work for everyone, and if you’re someone that struggles with this, I have a few suggestions -

Online prompts.

There are hundreds of really good prompt generators online that can help jog your brain. One word / sentence prompts can be really inspiring and can grow into really rich stories if you think long enough. For example, what if you got the word ‘Oasis’. You could take this two different ways - literally or figuratively.

Literally - Where is it? Who uses the oasis? What is their culture like? Does it have religious significance to them? What would happen if the oasis suddenly vanished? 

Figuratively - Character A considers Character B to be their ‘oasis’. B is the person that rejuvenates A. They are like a mouthful of cool water on a hot day. Delve into this relationship. 

Reimagine old myths and legends.

Find an old tale and use the beats of the story to create a newer, more modern one. For example, in high school I ended up writing a short story that was centred around Ares (Greek God of War) meeting Michael (Archangel) in a bar. Their entire interaction involved concepts like the power of human faith, how religions evolve over time, new vs old gods. Not a bad effort for a sixteen year old, I’ll say haha. You could do this with stories like Icarus or Hades and Persephone. Pick an old tale, pull out the main plot points, and adapt it with your own characters. 

Canon-divergence.

Mainly for fanfiction, but point to any part of a canon timeline and ask yourself “what if the exact opposite happened in this moment?” Is it a climatic battle? Is it a conversation that reveals a huge secret? Make it so the hero loses the fight - how would that affect the plot then? Do it so the huge revelation doesn’t happen - how do characters go forward without all the information? CS was born out of me thinking “what would have happened if James had had his wand on him that night?” so there’s literally no limit.

Design your own system.

This can be a great thought experiment, and can get you to build some neat worlds. Design your own magic system - figure out the ins and outs of how things work. Create a fictional government - how are laws made, is there a royal family, is there corruption? Come up with a religion - are there gods, what are the domains, are there any rituals? Draw up a fantasy map or city - come up with geological features, country borders, roads, etc.

This can be a good way to get your brain to start churning creatively. There’s less pressure since it might not be directly related to an actual story, and you get some experience in world-building.

Old tropes. 

Find a list of old tropes and combine them with a prompt. This gives you some lines to work with, while still allowing you to paint between them with whatever colours you like! For instance, let’s use the previous example of a prompt, and combine it with my favourite trope. 

‘Oasis’ and ‘Enemies to lovers’. Instantly, I’ve got like, seven different ideas. You could have two enemies fighting in the desert, they get separated by a sandstorm, and find the same oasis, then they have to share and through that they grow to understand each other. Or you could have it more metaphorical, in that Character A’s enemy is their ‘oasis’, the only person they know is completely honest with them, and they’ve just had an experience where they need a bit of honesty so they seek their enemy out. 

See how fun it can be to just randomly cobble together a prompt and a trope? It doesn’t matter if these things have been done a hundred times before - there’s nothing stopping you from writing the millionth ‘there was only one bed’ story!

Real life experiences. 

This one just came to me, but it could be very interesting. Take a real life experience that you have either heard about or experienced yourself, and put it in the context of a fantasy world. 

One that I was just thinking of is - what if a tsunami hit in a world that had widely used magic? How would spells affect the devastation of the tsunami? Would it make a difference at all? Would they be just as affected as our world is? It can be really cathartic to write things like this.

 I’ve done it before - if I remember correctly, I wrote Jacob’s betrayal of Hadrian in CS right around the time one of my oldest friendships ended (not in any way as serious as in CS, but I was feeling sad so that translated into how Jacob and Hadrian’s relationship ended).

That’s all I have for generating story ideas. I hope some of them help! Now, onto the final one!

Deciding on storylines

When it comes to deciding on a storyline, I have a few tricks.

Align character growth with the ‘big events’. 

People grow when they are challenged - so track your character’s emotional and mental growth with the plot points with the most at stake. Of course, you can have growth in between these moments, but I find it easier to change the trajectory of a character when they are in the midst of a huge emotional battle.

Want vs Need.

This is a really basic writing technique, but you want to have conflict and tension in a story. To get that, you should have what your character wants be directly opposite to what they really need. For example, take Hadrian - for most of CS, what he wanted was Lily’s approval, but what he needed was to be freed from her control and manipulations. By having this really simple and clear concept, I was able to shape the story events around this slow progression from ‘want’ to ‘need’ in a way that was organic and relieving for readers.

What they want/need and how to stop them.

This is another really basic trick, but if you’re having trouble coming up with tension in your story, it’s pretty handy. Just ask yourself what your character wants/needs to succeed, and then deliberately keep it from them. Seriously, just start coming up with ways to stop them from reaching their goal. By actively thinking of ways to mess with your characters, your storyline will just automatically start to fall into place.

Story arcs.

When you’re really struggling, it can be good to fall back on the classics. If you have a whole mess of ideas but no idea how to string them together, find a story arc that suits you and start organising the plot points in a coherent way. My two favourite story arcs are just the standard cycle, and ‘The Hero Cycle’. I’ve made two graphics that explain these in more detail.

Regular Cycle

The Hero Cycle

Anyway, this got way longer than I was intending 😅

I hope these answer your questions - but if you want me to expand on anything, or want more specific advice, just let me know, darling!

[sushis-wild-imagination]

Just a Little Longer

Nam Joon x Reader

Summary: You are an idol signed by BigHit and you are very close to the boys, you've always had a crush on Nam Joon and he confesses to you that he likes someone.

Words: I don't even know, longer than my assignment for sure.

Warnings: A LOTTA FLUFF friendship fluff?????

Note: not proofread, also its been a while since I wrote I’ll get better.

MASTERLIST  PROMPTLIST

Hiii, so this is my first BTS fanfic, hope y'all like it. I think this will turn into a series, let me know what y'all think of that. Jin is my bias but Nam Joon and Yoongi are here to wreck it anytime anyday. Honestly I just want to be friends with them. I want to be in the gang. That's all.

-----

You were a female idol signed on to BigHit Entertainment around the time BTS was signed on. You and BTS were very close, army and your fans got used to it after a while. There were tons of times where you would look out for each other. You also recently became and international idol following BTS, they would look out for you at all the award shows you were both at. Taehyung would even walk you to the stage and up the stairs.

You were a part of the family. You would surprise them at their concerts, go on trips, bomb their Vlives. There were YouTube videos titled "BTS looking out for (Y/N)" online. You were a solo artist so you got grouped up with the boys often and the fans liked seeing you with them too. So they often let you tag along to shoots and even be a part of them sometimes.

You were a 94' born. So Tae, Chim and kookie called you noona. You were the closest to Yoongi, you vibed with him the best. You were the same kind. Maknae line were your babies, you pampered them a lot.

You were on your way to surprise the boys at the "BTS In the Soop" house. They thought it would be a good idea for you to make a special appearance on the show.

The boys were already there for a day. You were all packed taking in the air, you drove to the destination. You were excited, you hadn't seen the boys in a while because of a busy schedule but you were in touch via messages. Tae would send you regular updates about his life.

You pull up at the house and push the door open. Tae and Jimin were playing ping pong outside, you would see Hobi flying his glider. You smiled and got out. Jimin's attention went to the car and the ball hit his face. Tae and hobi burst out laughing, you also let out a chuckle. "(Y/N) Noona" he yells and you wave at him frantically.

As soon as he says that, all three boys turn heads to your direction. You keep waving and they rush towards you. Suddenly you are jumped at by 3 grown men almost knocking the air out of your lungs. You couldn't help but laugh. "Hi guys, miss me?" You ask. Hugging them all back. Tae nods. "I knew today would be a good day" hobi ruffles your hair. "What have you been upto, did you forget about us" you laugh to that as if you could forget your 7 best friends.

"Where's everyone else?" You ask looking around. "Yoongi Hyung should be in the Campervan, I think Jin Hyung and Jungkook are fishing and NamJoon is reading in his room." Jimin responds and Tae gets your luggage out and rolls it out. You take your luggage from Taehyung saying a quiet thank you. You roll out your luggage to the living room and walk towards the upper house, the boys go back to whatever they were doing before you came.

You walk to the upper house and spot the campervan. You open the campervan to surprise Yoongi. "Yoongi Oppa, Suprise!" You yell as soon as you open the door. He's so startled he almost three his equipment. "(Y/N) what are you doing here? I was so startled" he says holding his heart. You laugh your heart out at his reaction. "I'm sorry" you say and sit down next to him. "Whatchu working on?" You ask and he hands you one side of his earphone. It was his new project.

"How long are you here for?" He asked you. "I think until the end, no one told me anything" you say.

The door suddenly slams open. You and Yoongi jump, yoongi was holding his heart again and you were holding on to the table for dear life.

"JUNGKOOK" you yell.

"I'm going to die of a heart attack today" You hear yoongi mutter under his breath.

"(Y/N) Noona" he waves his hands at you and you slowly step out of the van to hug his big frame. "Did you grow taller in 3 months?" You ask. "I hope I did" he answers. He drags you to see Jin at the house. You see Hobi and Jin prepping something. "Jin Hyung close your eyes" Jungkook says and tries to hide you behind the door.

"What's this now?" He asks thinking it's one of Jungkooks pranks. "I have a present" he says. He does as the youngest says and closes his eyes.

You position yourself right infront of Jin. You feel his hand pat your head. "Is it a big plushie?" He asks with his eyes closed. You stiffle a chuckle.

"Open your eyes" Jungkook instructs and Jin looks at you. "(Y/N)" he squeals and hugs you. He jumps up and down with you in his arms. "I missed you" you laugh. "I've missed you too"

You smell something burn. "oh my fish" he screams and runs back to the kitchen.

Hobi Jungkook and Jin were making lunch, you always loved watching them cook. It was therapeutic. You also helped out when you could. "Is NamJoon still reading?" You ask in the air waiting for someone to answer. They all look at each other awkwardly before one of them says "You'll see him at lunch" you nod and continue eating the chips lying around.

------

You were rolling out your luggage to the floating house that's where you will be staying for the rest of the days here. The boys offered to switch but you wouldn't let them, it has to be fair. You were heading out to lunch with Taehyung who was hanging out in your room until lunch was ready and you unpacked.

"Your hair has grown out, can braid it later?"

"Only if you massage it too" he smirks and you nod. "Alright, after lunch" you salute to him playfully.

He warned you about bugs and how you'll have to gulp you food as soon as you see it or you will end up eating a bug. "I think I swallowed one yesterday" he says making a face that screamed disgusting. He makes you laugh and you smack his arm lightly.

You see Nam Joon from a distance. "Nam Joon-ah" you yell for him to hear you. You run to him to give him a hug. He puts his arms around you but loosely. It felt weird, this is not how he usually hugs you, something wrong but you let it go for now. "The boys told me you've arrived" he says pulling back. He flashes a warm smile.

You look at him, giving him an 'Are-you-okay' face and he understands it immediately and softly nods at you.

"Thank you for the food" Jimin yells in the back and you both head to the table.

"One more mouth to feed" Jin says jokingly and shakes his head. "C'mon, you know you love me" you respond that immediately left Hobi bursting out in Justin Bieber's Baby in the middle of lunch in his adorable English. You all have a big laugh.

------

You were all gathered in the living room now and Jimin was rapping??? Leaving you and Hobi laughing, you could feel your sides cramping up, gasping for breath as you laugh. "What activites did you ask for?" Taehyung asks.

"I brought my sketchpad and some books to read" you respond.

You stick your hand out to his hair and comb through, "Braid time" you say and he turns around, back facing you. Jimin hands him the mic and he sings some BTS songs while you braid his hair. "I'm so sleepy" he says, it's the effect of the head massage. He gets up from in front of you.

"I'm going to go nap" you nod. You see Jungkook already passed out in the living room. Hobi was still building blocks. You walk out of the room to the deck.

You look out to see Jin fishing, trying to Fish.

"Should I come pick you up?" He yells from afar. "It's okay" you yell back and look out in the distance. You see Jin's boat coming towards you. "Hop in" he says holding the boat still and he sticks one arm out.

"Where do you want to go, Juliet?" He asks dramatically once you've settled. "To your heart, Romeo" you play along trying not to laugh. "Extra points for playing along" he says laughing. You fake bow in the boat.

He casts his line and you wait. The scenery was beautiful. "It's so pretty out here" you talk to no one in particular. "Gets better in the night" Jin says waiting for fish.

"Jin oppa" you call to get his attention. "Is Joonie okay? He's been acting weird" you say. You were concerned about him. "He was okay yesterday, I don't know maybe if we let him be, he'll come back" Jin suggest. NamJoon always has been the type to go off on his own for a while and come back feeling better. "Maybe" you mutter and look around.

-----

You had played a bunch of games, had dinner, got drunk with the boys by the fire. It was almost cinematic, you forgot how at home and peaceful they made you feel. You still couldn't get around talking to Nam Joon and you were determined to do it. It was almost midnight. You all had turned your mic off put it away and gotten ready to get into bed. You hear some footsteps outside. You get up to check who it was.

You see a man bent over the railing of the deck looking at the river. It was almost 1am. You recognize the man. Nam Joon.

"Hey Stranger" you say sneaking up behind him. He almost jumps. "(Y/N)" he gasps. You go to stand next to him.

"Can't sleep?" You ask.

He nods playing with his finger rings. "What's wrong" you ask really concerned, hoping he'll spill and feel better.

"There's just been a lot on my mind"

"You want to talk about it?"

"Nothing in specific"

"Tell me anyway, I'm here to listen"

You hear him take a breathe.

"There's someone I like but telling the person or acting on it is not going to do any good for either of the parties but I don't know what to do, do I let it go?"

"woah" you were taken aback, Nam Joon doesn't open up this quickly you didn't expect it either. You expected some vague things about his career. You heart sank. You used to crush on him where you were a bit younger but you thought you outgrew that? Guess not.

"Telling her won't work?"

"No, it won't, I can't date. Not with this schedule and this kinda career but what if I let it go and I don't get a chance like this again"

"Are you scared of missing out on love?"

He slowly nods. "I guess, I mean I love my career, I love the boys I love how far we've gotten, but it's taking everything, especially my youth."

You were dumbfounded. You didn't know how to respond to all of this. You didn't even know how he felt.

"Are you sure she's the one?" You ask.

"No, how can anyone be sure about anything so early on? I'd love it if she was but we'll have to try to know and the trying can't happen in the first place"

Your always amazed by his maturity. "I think if you really like her, you should give it a go tell her how you feel, just to get it off of your chest, even if you know for a fact it's not going to work out, and if it does work out, well good for you. Right?"

He slowly nods. "Do I just tell her?" He turns to you. you can feel his eyes pierce through your soul even in the night. It's like he knows what he does to you and continues to do it.

You nod to his question. "You'll feel better"

"Okay" he nods to himself as if he's encouraging himself to do it. You had an immediate urge to hug him, you put your head on his chest and your arms around his back. He likes someone else, why does that bother you? It was a stupid crush, two years ago, what is wrong with you? You ask yourself.

"Are you okay (Y/N)" he asks. You nuzzle further into him.

"I thought you needed one" You needed one.

"You have feelings too, you robot, why do you supress them so much?" You mumbled. He chuckled. "I don't like to talk about them" he brushes your hair.

"You should"

You try to pull back but he hugs you tighter.

"Just a little longer, please" you happily oblige. He did need a hug after all.

Are you crushing on him again? Are you ready to get your heart broken?

-------

Don't ask I don't even know, I think I'll make this a series, let me know what you think of my first BTS imagine, a lot more to come, I'm obsessed with these boys.

Masterlist

Promplist

[tomspancakes]

This Way: Part 3

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word count: 4251

Warnings: A crazy bih lol

Summary: It’s time for Y/n’s welcome dinner with the Hollands. An uninvited guest joins and Tom is left making a tough decision.

A/N: Here’s part 3 I hope you enjoy! Please lmk if you’re enjoying this/ have any constructive criticism. Don’t hesitate to ask to be a part of the tag list :)

Part 1, Part 2

+++

“Thanks for taking me again, Tom, you’re a lifesaver.” You leaned over the center console and hugged him. Since nobody else was around the embrace lasted a little longer than you anticipated, but Tom enjoyed it. His heart warmed with the smell of your hair and he felt like he was at home in your arms. He was smiling and squeezed you a bit harder. 

“Uh Tom,” You said awkwardly patting his back, taking him out of his daydreaming, “I have to go now.”

“Oh shit uhm sorry, love...” When he let go of you he furrowed his brows remembering he has a girlfriend. 

“You ok?” you asked genuinely concerned as you grabbed your bags and stood up to get out. Many thoughts running through his mind about how wrong he’s being. He looked back up at your beautiful innocent face,

“Oh ya thanks,” he cleared his throat and noticed you took your extra clothes, “Oh you don’t have to take your extra bag. I’m picking you up for dinner right?” 

“No no it’s alright Harry said he’d be able to pick me up.”

“Are you sure? I mean it’d be easier if I just took you, this place is out of-”

“Ya, I’m sure. Harry and I haven’t really had time to hang out yet.” You said trying to avoid his offer. It was already hard being alone with Tom for 45 minutes and you didn’t want to wreck his and Allana’s relationship. Tom wasn’t convinced, he just gave you a strange look and bit his lip, “Alright then, love. Didn’t ever mean to make you avoid me.” You blushed because you were now exposed. You shrugged,

“Thanks again. See you later, Tom.” You turned and began to walk feeling Tom’s eyes burn into your backside. He was feeling so conflicted between you and Allana now. He shook his head and drove off to his parents’ house.

-

“Bye, y/n, can’t wait to begin filming with you in a few days!” You smiled and gave your co-star Lana Condor a hug.

“Likewise! I’ve been looking for a project with strong leading women roles and it’s finally happening.” You both smiled and parted ways when you saw Harry pull up at the front of the gate.

“Hey, bestieeeee!” You said, Harry laughed at your enthusiasm,

“Hi, love, get in now. There’s a bit of traffic.” You got in and Harry saw the outfit you were wearing.

“Whoa you own clothes other than sweats and leggings?” Harry asked in a fake shocking voice. You slapped his arm and he laughed, “Just joking. You look gorgeous though, Tom’s gonna have a hard time keeping it in his pants.” Again you slapped his arm and rolled your eyes. 

“That’s your brother, yuh nasty. But thanks.” You giggled and blushed.

You wore a white cropped turtle neck long sleeve, a suede nude high waisted skirt with a small slit on your right leg, and black heeled suede boots that went up just below your knee. The outfit hugged your curves perfectly, but was still very comfortable.

“Ok update time! I have to tell you what happened before the tableread.” He nodded,

“Who ended up taking you?” He asked.

“Tom did and he took me to lunch also.” He nodded his head like ‘ok so what?’, “Tom uhm… He took me to the burger cafe…”

“WHAT?” Harry yelled scaring you a bit, 

“I know it’s crazy, but you didn’t have to yell. It was so awkward that he brought me there.”

“No, y/n you don’t understand. After you guys broke up he refused to go there, even if it was just to pick food up for us. Then after a week of him and Allana dating he said he’d get some for us and he came back 2 hours after with super red puffy eyes. We all tried to talk to him about it, but he refused to and never went back until today I guess.” Your heart dropped hearing how sad Tom was you thought he was fine after everything you two went through. You were also surprised because you thought he hardly ever kept anything from the boys. 

“Then why would he take me there?” you asked softly

“Beats me. He hasn’t even brought Allana there. He always tells us it’s because Allana doesn’t like ‘greasy’ food, but I say that’s bull.” You sat there stunned, but you couldn’t think too much of it or else bad things would ensue.

“Anyway, how was filming?” You asked. Harry smiled widely and let out a dreamy sigh,

“It’s so fun, I’m living my dream and I love it even more.” You smiled seeing your friend so passionate about something.

-

“I can’t wait for you to see the final result, I cried a bit when filming it.” Harry said before pulling into the driveway of his parents’ house. 

“I can’t wait to see what you’ve done, the script was really well written.” You smiled at him before he got out and opened the door for you. You looped your arm in his and walked to the front door. He knocked and you realized you forgot to ask him about whose idea it was to have you stay for the next few months,

“Harry, can I ask you something?”

“Ya what’s up?” Before you could ask him the door swung open and Sam stood there with a wide grin.

“Y/n!” You jumped into his arms and he chuckled, 

“How’ve you been, Sam?” 

“Great! I’m getting better at cooking everyday.” He said proudly, stepping aside to let you and Harry in.

“Oh my god, Paddy?” You stared wide eyed at him, “You got so tall. You’re going to look like the eldest soon.” He laughed and gave you a hug, you were still shorter than him in the heels. 

“Yeah I see you’re still tiny.” He joked and laughed when you put your hand over your heart pretending to be offended. 

“Oh, Paddy, be nice to the girl.” Nikki said wrapping you in a hug and you giggled squeezing her back, “I swear, y/n, you get more gorgeous every time I see you whether it be on instagram or in person!” She said looking at you up and down and you flipped your hair in a joking way. 

“I could say the same to you, Nikki.” And she smiled widely at that. You went over to Dom and gave him a hug.

“Oh y/n it’s so lovely to see you again and not on Harry’s laptop!” You giggled,

“It’s nice to be here! I missed being in such a nice environment. After coming here once I believed American hospitality actually sucked.” He laughed at your comment and you all moved to the living room to catch up a bit more.

The doorbell rang and Harry came back with Tuwaine and Harrison who had cases of beer in their hands. 

“Oh my goodness, you boys better not get too drunk tonight, it’s a weeknight for christ's sake.” Nikki said, scolding them.

“Sorry, Nikki, we won’t I promise.” Harrison said and he winked at Tuwaine. Nikki shook her head as everyone else laughed. 

“Where’s Tom? He was supposed to pick up the drinks with us.” Tuwaine asked.

“Oh he’s in Paddy’s room. He’s been on a call with his girlfriend since y/n and Harry came.” Dom said.

-

You stood with Nikki drinking wine and watching Sam and Dom cook. 

“So, y/n, a little birdy told me you have a new flame in your life.” You laughed wondering if Tom or Harry told her, 

“I’m afraid that flame has already been burnt out,” she looked at you apologetically with a hint of excitement, “No worries though, it was for the best. Now I am focusing on myself and my work.” You said happily.

“I’m glad to hear that. It’s refreshing to hear that you can do well without being in a relationship. If you’re ever looking for one though, I know someone who maybe… I don’t know, never stopped looking your way.” 

You stared at her wide eyed. You knew she was talking about Tom and that she had loved you for him, but you didn’t think she’d put her son out like that especially when he’s currently dating someone. You were about to comment back that you couldn’t, but something warm and fuzzy rubbed against your leg. 

“Oh my goodness! Tessa baby where did you come from?” You cooed and put the wine glass on the counter to pick her up. Nikki smiled and awed. You heard footsteps approaching the kitchen,

“Tessa where’d you go? Mum can you put out another plate, Alla-” Tom stepped into the kitchen and stopped to scan your figure with his eyes. He gulped and brushed his hands through his hair,

“H-hi, y/n. You uh look nice.” Nikki smiled cheekily at how you made her son all flustered.

“What was that, Tom?” Nikki asked, he cleared his throat,

“Oh right, Allana is coming if that’s alright. Can we put out another seat at the table?” 

“Tonight of all nights? This was supposed to be a welcome dinner for y/n. We’ve invited her over so many times and after almost 5 months of you two dating she decides to meet us for the first time now?” You looked back down at Tessa who was cradled in your arms. How has Allana not met Tom’s parents, he introduced you to them before you even dated.

“Mum, you know she’s always been busy. Tonight just happened to be one of her open nights.” Nikki sighed and grabbed another plate from the cupboard. You put Tessa down to help Nikki set up the table.

You and Tom made eye contact and he smiled softly at you. You smiled back and he asked, 

“Wanna go outside? The boys are doing some trick shots.”

“Ya I’ll be out in a bit, let me just finish helping your mom.”

“No no, y/n, you shouldn’t even be helping. Tom you’re being a bad host.” She scolded and he put his hands up in defense before helping the both of you.

When you finished he walked with you to the backyard. You thanked him when he opened the sliding door for you. You sat down and watched as Harry, Paddy, Harrison, and Tuwaine tried to get a ping pong ball into a cup by bouncing it off a wall. Tom sat next to you after closing the sliding door and you shivered a bit, now regretting not bringing a jacket. Tom quickly got back up and went back inside, not even 30 seconds later you felt a fuzzy blanket wrap around your shoulders and cover your legs. You looked up to see that Tom had brought a blanket out for you,

“Just returning the favor, love.” He winked at you referencing to when you put the blanket on him this morning. You smiled and silently thanked him.

“So, when’s Allana coming?” You asked and Tom plopped down next to you again, 

“Oh she just left her friends so she’ll be here in 15 minutes maybe.” You nodded. ‘So she was already occupied before deciding to come to this dinner, interesting.’ you thought. 

Tom scooted a little closer to you, shoulders rubbing making your heart rate speed up. ‘Fuck it I’m gonna ask him’ you thought.

“Tom, did Harry really beg you to let me stay in the house? He told me it was your idea.” You said quickly looking at him.

He cleared his throat with wide eyes before rubbing his face.

“Uhm… no?” You raised your eyebrow at him, 

“Why’d you lie?”

Tom sighed and brushed a hand through his hair before pulling his knees closer to his chest and resting his chin between his knees. He was really nervous for some reason. He bit the skin on his thumb before saying, “Well, I didn’t think it’d be a terrible idea to have you here. We’d be too busy to even really see each other because I’d leave to shoot Uncharted…” He looked at you in the eyes and paused thinking about what he was going to say, “plus I uh kinda missed seeing you and talking to you. I kinda felt like a dick for not talking to you when you reached out to me as a friend after we broke up. I meant to reply, I swear, but I just couldn’t find the right moment I guess.” He sighed and looked back down, “I-I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get you back.” Your eyes widened a bit.

“Oh not like in a relationship way, like uhm…” 

“A friendship?” You asked and giggled at him stumbling with his words. You were relieved, you were definitely not down to have drama in your life right now. 

“Hm, yeah, a friendship.” He said and looked at you with a crooked smile. That didn’t seem very convincing, but you brushed it off.

“Well, Tom, I’m 100% down for a friendship. There has to be some ground rules though, which I can't believe I have to say this, because you have a girlfriend.” You said sternly, “First you can’t compliment me anymore, kinda messes with my feelings…” he smirked at that going back to his cocky self, “Second you absolutely cannot be flirtatious with me,”

“Love, you can’t tell me to not be me.” He said winking, you hit his arm, “I’m joking, I’m joking.”

“Third…” You looked at him seriously completely disregarding what Haz told you, “I uh think we should leave the past behind us. You know, start off this friendship on a new slate.” Tom looked at you upset with furrowed brows like he wanted to say something, but his face relaxed knowing if he did it’d cause problems. 

“Ok then, is that all?” He asked softly, looking away from you.

“Hm… I guess so.” You looked at one another trying to read what the other was thinking. Then you looked away afraid you’d fall deeper staring into his brown orbs.

“Actually while we’re getting stuff out the way… How’d you know Gavin and I were dating?” You asked while fiddling with the hair tie on your wrist. Tom’s thoughts began to race figuring out a way to get out of this situation without sounding like a creepy ex, but he felt that he could only tell you the truth. 

He sighed, “Well actually, I didn’t know. I was-”

“Tommy!” A squeaky voice rang out behind you. You and Tom moved apart from each other quickly. ‘Oh shit’ Tom thought. Again, he was getting caught up with you and forgetting about Allana. Although, he was relieved to be pulled out of saying a very embarrassing confession. 

“Allana, hi, when did you get in?” Tom smiled, only sounding half excited and more nervous. Paddy looked curiously at the new girl that entered while Harry, Tuwaine, and Haz looked displeased to see her. Harry glanced at you raising his eyebrow and you shrugged standing up to leave Allana and Tom alone.

“Baby, I texted and called you so many times when I got here,” She rolled her eyes, “Your mum let me in when she saw me through the security camera.” Then she glared at him, if looks could kill Tom would be 6 feet underground by now.

“Sorry, darling. I left my phone inside.” She scoffed.

“You could’ve knocked or rang the doorbell.” Paddy said, everyone looked at him surprised. Allana snapped her head up in the direction of his voice, but her expression softened a bit when she noticed that Paddy was the one that said that. 

“Hm, I mean, I guess…” She shrugged and subtly rolled her eyes, “Tommy, why don’t you introduce me to your family now?” Oh god. You wanted to try to like her, but she was really making it hard.

“Didn’t she just pass by the kitchen and see Paddy just now? Did she not greet any of them?” you asked Harry in disbelief. He scoffed,

“Yeah, but she probably needed, ‘Tommy’s’ help.” Harry said mimicking the way she says his name. You watched as Tom introduced Allana to Paddy and then brought her in to meet his parents and Sam.

-

“Sam this is absolutely delicious. I hope there’s leftovers because nobody can cook in our house.” Tuwaine said, eating another bite of steak. 

Harrison chuckled, “Haha true, this morning Tom was just frying bacon and burnt his side real bad. Y/n had to nurse him, it was hysterical.” Allana looked at you displeased and you blushed. 

“Harrison, you’re a fucking twat.” Tom said and Nikki glared at him for cursing.

“Oh my goodness. Tom were you cooking with your shirt off again?” Nikki asked, disappointed. Tom looked down at his plate guilty. Nikki looked at Dom,

“Don’t look at me, darling, I no longer claim him as my own.” He said with his hands up in defense and everybody laughed at that. “Anyway, y/n. Whatcha filming now?”

You finished chewing, “I’m filming a new action movie called, “Run”. It’s about a family on the run that is under the protection of two female rookie CIA agents. That’s all I can really say for now, but I’m really excited to work on it because of the wonderful empowering story.” You smiled, you could’ve talked about the project forever, but you legally couldn’t because of the contract you signed.

“That sounds so bad ass!” Paddy said suddenly. Nikki looked at him,

“Oi! No cursing at the table. Tom, see what you’ve taught your brother?”

“Mum, really?” Tom moaned. She gave him  a stern look and he pouted, you giggled at the cute moment and Tom’s heartbeat quickened when hearing it.

“Was it hard getting here, y/n? You know with all the covid-19 news?” Dom asked.

“Oh it was a nightmare! Even though the airports were less crowded people were still freaking out and sanitizing every moment they could. Also as soon as I landed there was a bunch of news that things were beginning to get shut down in my state. I just hope filming doesn’t get cut short.”

“Yeah it’s unbelievable. The producers for Uncharted said to be ready for anything.” Tom added. It was quiet then you decided to ask Allana about what she was currently working on, trying to help her gain brownie points back with the Hollands. 

“Allana, what about you? Aren’t you working on something as well?” She looked up surprised that she was brought into the conversation. Tom put his hand on her back to ease her nerves, your heart dropped at the sight, but you tried not to think about it because he’s your friend now. 

“Well, I actually run a business with my friend and uh...,” she thought hard about what to say next and as if a light bulb went off in her mind, “we’re uh all about empowerment as well.” She looked at you smiling for the first time ever, “We design and sell chique clothing and then  20% of the proceeds are given to charities that stand out to us.” Tom’s parents looked impressed. The boys seemed surprised as well. She smiled at you again looking thankful… and smug?

“That is lovely, Allana. I’d like to see this business of yours sometime.” Nikki said, smiling at her kindly. Everyone carried on with their own conversations. Harry leaned over to your ear,

“Looks like the devil has a soul after all, but I don’t know if I’ve fallen for it yet.” You elbowed his side. 

“You just gotta give her a chance. Looks like you guys have never even asked what she does.” 

“Touche,” He shrugged, “Not gonna lie, I’m surprised you're being so nice to your ex’s girlfriend.” He said as if Tom wasn’t his brother.

“Well, Tom and I talked about it and we’re going to start off on a new slate as friends…” You looked at him, “Just like you suggested.” Harry smiled and hugged you, clearly proud of you. When you parted you caught Tom looking at you. You smiled at one another before carrying on with your conversations.

-

“You lot want to play a quick board game or something before we all call it a night?” You all nodded in agreement and migrated to the living room. Paddy said he was tired and decided to head to sleep for the night since he has school still. ‘What a responsible kid.’ you thought when you all said your good nights to him.

You all decided to play Heads Up. Dom was downloading the game on his tablet and Allana pulled Tom somewhere else.

-

Tom joyfully walked behind Allana into the guest room,

“What’s wrong? My parents seem to like you a lot, darling.” Tom said to Allana. She smiled pleased with what he said, but there was something else bothering her,

“What’s going on between you and y/n?” She asked straightforwardly as her mood switched fast.

“What? Nothing at all why?”

“Hm really? I get here and see you two basically cuddling and I keep catching you looking at her. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you have a crush or something.” She said in a serious tone. Tom sighed,

“Ok I know this isn’t the right time to hear it, but please don’t get mad at me and let me finish explaining.” She gave him a displeased look telling him to go on.

“Well y/n is my ex-”

“What the fu-” she interrupted furiously

“No, please let me finish,” He said with his hands on her shoulders, “I never told you because nobody even knew we ever dated, only our family and cast mates knew… I just didn’t think it would be cool if I broke my promise with y/n and told you too. She wanted only a few people to know.” Nothing he was saying was making Allana feel better. In fact it made something in her snap, her face began to turn red with anger. She pushed his hands off her shoulders,

“What the hell? I’m your girlfriend not y/n. Shouldn’t that promise mean nothing to you by now? Plus can’t you trust me enough?” Tom looked at his feet as he brushed his hands through his hair. Allana let out a stressful sigh and said,

“Look, Tom, I really really like you. We’ve been dating for almost 5 months now and you couldn’t build up the courage to tell me about your ex?”

“Allana, don’t go blaming me for not telling you anything. I had to find out through a friend that your ex actually broke up with you because you cheated on him for christ’s sake, not because you were moving to a different city!” He whisper yelled, getting angrier.

“God I hate when you bring that up, it was one slip up. I barely cheated on the guy.” Tom was about to say something really rude but she beat him to it, “You know what? I will not make a fool of myself. Definitely not in this relationship. I don’t like seeing you and y/n together at all. You can stay with me and we’ll work this shit out or…” she thought for a bit,

“Or what?” Tom asked impatiently, making her a bit more angry.

“Or I swear if I see you close to her or looking at her again I will share with the world what you told me tonight.” 

“What the hell are you fucking crazy?” Tom asked in disbelief.

“No. I’m just a boss lady that gets what she wants.” she said with full confidence crossing her arms over her chest, “just think about it, Tom.” She began to walk toward the door,

“Allana, y/n has been nothing but nice to you. Don’t you think it’d be a decent thing to at least leave her out of this? She’s really serious about her privacy. A-and didn't you just say you believe in women sticking together and empowerment?”

“What and lose all the leverage I have on you? Plus that’s something I tell everyone to promote the business.” She laughed darkly and started walking away again, “Oh and if I hear that anyone finds out about our deal, I’ll share your little secret. And I don’t give a shit that you two live in the same house, get creative, babe.” 

Tom sat feeling defeated at the edge of the bed. 

He thought to himself, ‘What the hell was that? In all the months I’ve dated Allana she has been bossy, but never this evil or mean or fucking psycho. What have I gotten myself into? How did I not see the signs? Well the boys did say something about her being off…’ Tom’s thoughts were cut off when Sam came in,

“We’re starting the game now, come down or else you’ll get put on a shitty team.” He joked, but his smile fell when he saw the upset look on his older brother’s face.

“Wait are you ok, Tom?” Tom looked up, smiled, and nodded. He got up to follow his brother and Sam decided not to press on knowing Tom didn’t want to talk about it.

Tom’s eyebrows furrowed again when he thought, ‘Well this is it. I have to avoid y/n as much as possible, it’s best for the both of us. I never thought things would turn out this way.’

+++

Tag list: @averyfosterthoughts @thollandx @mrsjeffwittek @panicattheeverywherekid @racewife2004 @greatpizzascissorstaco @witchything @wheelertozier @runway-to-my-aid @rafficorn @jessirosebud @peterspideyy 

[spiritmoony]

The Loyalists, Enneagram Type Six 

Positives: committed, security-oriented, engaging, responsible, reliable, hard-working, responsible, trustworthy, excellent "troubleshooters," foresee problems, foster cooperation, internally stable, self-reliant, courageously championing themselves and others, dutiful

Negatives: anxious, suspicious, defensive, evasive, complaining while stressed, cautious, indecisive, reactive, defiant, rebellious, problems with self-doubt and suspicion, fearful, pessimistic

Basic Fear: being without support and guidance

Basic Desire: security and support

Enneagram Six with a Five-Wing: "The Defender"

Enneagram Six with a Seven-Wing: "The Buddy" 

Key Motivations: security, support by others, certitude, reassurance, test attitudes of others toward them, fight against anxiety and insecurity 

Direction of Disintegration (stress): suddenly competitive and arrogant at Three 

Direction of Integration (growth): more relaxed and optimistic, like healthy Nine 

Of all the personality types, Sixes are the most loyal to their friends and to their beliefs. They will “go down with the ship” and hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most. Sixes are also loyal to ideas, systems, and beliefs—even to the belief that all ideas or authorities should be questioned or defied. Their beliefs may be rebellious and anti-authoritarian, even revolutionary. In any case, they will typically fight for their beliefs more fiercely than they will fight for themselves, and they will defend their community or family more tenaciously than they will defend themselves.

They are so loyal because they do not want to be abandoned and left without support—their Basic Fear. Thus, the central issue for type Six is a failure of self-confidence. Sixes come to believe that they do not possess the internal resources to handle life’s challenges and vagaries alone, and so increasingly rely on structures, allies, beliefs, and supports outside themselves for guidance to survive. If suitable structures do not exist, they will help create and maintain them. 

Sixes have the most trouble contacting their own inner guidance. As a result, they do not have confidence in their own minds and judgments. 

This does not mean that they do not think. On the contrary, they think—and worry—a lot! They also tend to fear making important decisions, although at the same time, they resist having anyone else make decisions for them. They want to avoid being controlled, but are also afraid of taking responsibility in a way that might put them “in the line of fire.” (The old Japanese adage that says, “The blade of grass that grows too high gets chopped off” relates to this idea.) 

If Sixes feel that they have sufficient back up, they can move forward with some degree of confidence. But if that crumbles, they become anxious and self-doubting, reawakening their Basic Fear. (“I’m on my own! What am I going to do now?”) A good question for Sixes might therefore be: “When will I know that I have enough security?” Or, to get right to the heart of it, “What is security?” Without Essential inner guidance and the deep sense of support that it brings, Sixes are constantly struggling to find firm ground. 

Sixes attempt to build a network of trust over a background of unsteadiness and fear. They are often filled with a nameless anxiety and then try to find or create reasons why. Wanting to feel that there is something solid and clear-cut in their lives, they can become attached to explanations or positions that seem to explain their situation. Because “belief” (trust, faith, convictions, positions) is difficult for Sixes to achieve, and because it is so important to their sense of stability, once they establish a trustworthy belief, they do not easily question it, nor do they want others to do so. The same is true for individuals in a Six’s life: once Sixes feel they can trust someone, they go to great lengths to maintain connections with the person who acts as a sounding board, a mentor, or a regulator for the Six’s emotional reactions and behavior. They therefore do everything in their power to keep their affiliations going. (“If I don’t trust myself, then I have to find something in this world I can trust.”) 

"About nearly every decision would involve a council of my friends. Please make up my mind for me! Recently, I’ve narrowed my authorities to just one or two trusted friends, and on occasion, I’ve actually made up my own mind!"

Until they can get in touch with their own inner guidance, Sixes are like a ping-pong ball that is constantly shuttling back and forth between whatever influence is hitting the hardest in any given moment. Because of this reactivity, no matter what we say about Sixes, the opposite is often also as true. They are both strong and weak, fearful and courageous, trusting and distrusting, defenders and provokers, sweet and sour, aggressive and passive, bullies and weaklings, on the defensive and on the offensive, thinkers and doers, group people and soloists, believers and doubters, cooperative and obstructionistic, tender and mean, generous and petty—and on and on. It is the contradictory picture that is the characteristic “fingerprint” of Sixes, the fact that they are a bundle of opposites. 

The biggest problem for Sixes is that they try to build safety in the environment without resolving their own emotional insecurities. When they learn to face their anxieties, however, Sixes understand that although the world is always changing and is, by nature uncertain, they can be serene and courageous in any circumstance. And they can attain the greatest gift of all, a sense of peace with themselves despite the uncertainties of life. 

Levels of Development

Healthy:

Level 1 (At Their Best): self-affirming, trusting of self and others, independent yet symbiotically interdependent, cooperative, belief in self, courage, positive thinking, leadership, rich self-expression

Level 2: able to elicit strong emotional responses from others, very appealing, endearing, lovable, affectionate, trust, bonding with others, forming permanent relationships and alliances

Level 3: dedicated to individuals and movements they deeply believe in, community builder, responsible, reliable, trustworthy, hard-working, persevering, sacrificing for others, create stability and security in their world, bring a cooperative spirit

Average:

Level 4: investing their time/energy into whatever they believe will be safe/stable, organizing, structuring, look to alliances and authorities for security and continuity, constantly vigilant, anticipating problems

Level 5: resist having more demands made on them, react against others passive-aggressively, evasive, indecisive, cautious, procrastinating, ambivalent, highly reactive, anxious, negative, giving contradictory "mixed signals," internal confusion, react unpredictably

Level 6: compensate for insecurities by being sarcastic and belligerent, blaming others for their problems, taking a tough stance toward "outsiders," highly reactive and defensive, dividing people into friends and enemies, looking for threats to their own security, authoritarian while fearful of authority, highly suspicious, conspiratorial, fear-instilling to silence their own fears

Unhealthy:

Level 7: fearing they ruined their security, panicky, volatile, self-disparaging, acute inferiority feelings, see themselves as defenseless, seek out a stronger authority or belief to resolve all problems, highly divisive, disparaging, berating others

Level 8: feeling persecuted, others are "out to get them," lash-out, act irrationally, fanaticism, violence

Level 9: hysterical, seeking to escape punishment, self-destructive, suicidal, alcoholism, drug overdoses, self-abasing behavior, corresponds to the Passive-Aggressive and Paranoid personality disorders

Addictions: rigidity in diet causes nutritional imbalances, working excessively, caffeine and amphetamines for stamina, alcohol and depressants to deaden anxiety, higher susceptibility to alcoholism than many types

Personal Growth Recommendations

Be more present to your anxiety, explore it, and come to terms with it. Work creatively with your tensions without turning to excessive amounts of alcohol (or other drugs) to allay them. In fact, if you are present and breathing fully, anxiety can be energizing, a kind of tonic that can help make you more productive and aware of what you are doing. 

You tend to get edgy and testy when you are upset or angry, and can even turn on others and blame them for things you have done or brought on yourself. Be aware of your pessimism: it causes you dark moods and negative thought patterns that you tend to project on reality. When you succumb to this self-doubt, you can become your own worst enemy and may harm yourself more than anyone else does. 

Tend to overreact when they are under stress and feeling anxious. Identify what makes you overreact. Realize that almost none of the things you have feared so much has actually come true. Even if things are as bad as you think, your fearful thoughts weaken you and your ability to change things for the better. You cannot always manage external events, but you can manage your own thoughts. 

Become more trusting. There are doubtless several people in your life you can turn to who care about you and who are trustworthy. If not, go out of your way to find someone trustworthy, and allow yourself to get close to that person. This will mean risking rejection and stirring up some of your deepest fears, but the risk is worth taking. You have a gift for getting people to like you, but you are unsure of yourself and may be afraid of making a commitment to them. Therefore, come down clearly on one side or the other of the fence in your relationships. Let people know how you feel about them. 

Others probably think better of you than you realize, and few people are really out to get you. In fact, your fears tell you more about your attitudes toward others than they indicate about others' attitudes toward you.

[beantown-boy]

Today We Are |An Andi Mack Fic|

**So I was very inspired by Tumblr User @dumb-binch-juice that I decided to write fic of my own. I kind of borrowed some characters, but hey I just hope it’s good. This happens the December of the GHC’s Freshman Fall. Enjoy**

“So, I’m leaving RISD now. I’ll see you soon, Cyrus.”

“I’m still mad you’re spending New Year’s in L.A., Andi.”

“Well then, you’re gonna have to be mad at me in person in 6 minutes, 10 if I pick up Amber first. Are you sure you can keep it up for that long?”

“I hate how right you are,” Cyrus groaned into the phone as he slipped into his boots. The walk from RISD to Brown was super short, and while his suitcase was packed for winter break, he was still in house clothes. He ignored the buzzing of his phone while pulling on his winter boots, and worried if he was going to be too hot on the plane. He barely managed to squeeze into his coat and rush to the Mo-Champ desk before Andi and Amber arrived.

The ride to the airport was occupied mostly by Amber giving them a play by play of her Discrete Mathematics final, so Cyrus gave up even trying to understand what she was saying. Andi, likewise, spent the ride to the airport gazing wistfully through the glass. It had been a week since she’d submitted her final projects, and while she’d waited so that she could fly back with Cyrus and Amber, he knew she was probably already envisioning seeing everyone else back in Shadyside. Or maybe she was just falling asleep. Cyrus was pretty tired himself, after all he’d just crushed his Age of Revolutions final. He’d had the past six months to spend with Andi and Amber, so he might as well be rested when he saw everyone else...

When he got out of the cab, Cyrus was surprised to not find anyone waiting outside the house. Andi was dropping her stuff off with her grandmother, and wouldn’t be swinging by for another hour or so, since she had to explain her whole semester to Cece. Still, Cyrus had at least expected to see Buffy and TJ. A cold wind blew a flurry of snow off the ground as he walked to the door, opened it, and was immediately engulfed. Buffy picked him up in a bridal carry, swinging him around just to prove that she still could. Just when she set him down, he noticed something else.

“You straightened your hair again?”

Buffy shook her head, making her ponytail flip easily over her shoulder.

“Yeah, it was for exams. I didn’t want to look like a mess, but I also wasn’t going to manage it every morning. Plus, Atlanta has great salons. Some of the girls on the basketball team showed me a really great one that’s like 10 minutes from the dorm!”

Buffy continued expounding on her experiences as they moved to the basement. And as she spoke, Cyrus realized she didn’t just look different,she was different. Apparently, even Buffy had gotten a C on her first college exam. But the ease with which she talked about it was uncanny.  She was more honest about how her life had been, and way more humble. It felt like a stranger had slipped in when Cyrus wasn’t looking, keeping just enough to be familiar but not enough to be the same. 

Finally they made it downstairs, where Jonah and Marty were already playing ping pong. As soon as he saw Cyrus, Jonah dropped his paddle and ran to give him a bro hug. Cyrus leaned into it. It was nice to know that Jonah’s eagerness hadn’t faded over the past months. 

“Cy-Guy, how’s it been? Your parents said you kicked ass before they left, but have you seriously already made Brown your bitch?”

Cyrus’ jaw dropped. “Jonah, you swear now?”

“You don’t?” Jonah nodded for a moment before adding, “That makes sense. You’ve always been very, well…” 

He mimed a square with his hands in quick, rigid motions before Marty cut in.

“I think the word he’s looking for is grounded. You basically self-actualized sophomore year of high school. The rest of us just needed to catch- ow!” he yelled,as Jonah elbowed him.

“I swear, he takes one course on basic Psych and he thinks he’s your fucking dad. It’s been insufferable. He keeps on telling me that my anxiety is caused by the deep seated trauma of my birth. AND he keeps implying that I wanna fuck my mom, even though he says Freud is stupid.”

“It’s not your fault that Judy’s dummy thick.” Marty supplied.

“Shut up!”

Buffy gave a solid laugh at that, and Cyrus was quick to follow. They let the joy of seeing each other again wash over them for just a moment, before Buffy spoke again.

“You guys are so STUPID. Speaking of,” she looked between Jonah and Marty, “has TJ texted you when he’s coming? He was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago.”

Cyrus froze, and he immediately reached for his phone. He had totally forgotten the text in the middle of studying for finals. How could he have been so insensitive? Cyrus hadn’t seen TJ since September. He should’ve at least done something before the flight. But, the message stared back at him. 

<Miss you. Good luck ♡. Received December 13>

Cyrus quickly typed a reply.

<Oh my G*d, super sorry. I’m already back in town! Sent December 20>

And followed it with another.

< Which means that you can see me at my house. Sent December 20>

And another.

<Now. But if you’re driving please don’t look at this. Also I missed you, too. Sent December 20>

He was working his way through a fourth, when he got a call from TJ. The phone was to his ear in a nanosecond.

“Okay, so just to be clear, I did get your text, and I’m so sorry for not responding, and I totally get if you’re mad at me but-”

“It’s whatever, Cyrus. I’m in your driveway now.” Cyrus crumpled at his tone. It was the classic TJ Glass Wall Voice. He was either going to have to wear TJ down enough to actually talk to him, or just hope the TJ would come around. It was time to face the music. He turned to Buffy and smiled, hoping it would cover at least some of his discomfort.

“Actually, he texted me. And just called. He’s outside. I’ll get the door. You guys stay here and catch up.”

Cyrus slipped from the basement, back upstairs and ran to the door. 

“Wow.”

Cyrus took a second to appreciate seeing TJ in the flesh. He’d let his hair grow even longer since his last Instapic post in November,and it now hung down to his shoulders. TJ had somehow managed to grow even taller, to the point where Cyrus now came up to his chin. He was also in shorts, and Cyrus couldn’t help but stare in a mix of confusion and amazement. 

“Wow yourself.”

TJ stepped inside and pulled Cyrus into a tight embrace, and Cyrus sighed. Even when he was upset, TJ was an excellent hugger. They stood there silently for what felt like hours or maybe just seconds, before Cyrus was able to pull away.

“Listen. I wanted to say that I’m sorry that I didn’t text back. I got caught up in all sorts of studying, and then Ameya, and Shreya, and Thomas, and I all made a no phone pact. And then when I finished my exams, I was super excited and also tired, and I should have called, but I didn’t. And I’m so sorry. You know I still love you, right?”

TJ just grinned, and Cyrus felt the tension leave his body. “I’m honestly not mad at you, babe. I was just super frustrated with your stupid long driveway, plus I hate driving in the snow. And Buffy and Jonah have been blowing up my phone asking if I died, but I didn’t want to get another ticket if I responded. And, yes, I love you too.” 

TJ pressed a gentle kiss on Cyrus’ forehead.

“Well, if you wanted to yell at Buffy, she’s downstairs with Jonah and Marty. Plus, Andi’s coming over in a bit. I was thinking we could put on cheesy Hallmark movies, and say that every guy character is Jonah.”

“But, who’s the high strung businesswoman who leaves her successful New York career for Jonah Beck?”

“Is Lenni still around, you know she’s always welcome. And I’m pretty sure she the perfect casting.”

“Yeah. I’ll shoot her a text.”

They moved to the basement, ready for the next two weeks back in Shadyside. Popcorn was made and thrown, Jonah and Buffy dared each other to chug eggnog, and Andi showed up with cake. There was a lot of catching up to do, and even though everyone had changed, Cyrus figured that he might just be okay. He was going to make the most of the two weeks he had with the people he loved the most.

[thecleverdame]

Control and Release - 5

Series Masterlist

TEDTalk!Sam x Reader

Summary: With the rest of the staff caught in a snowstorm, you find yourself acting as a personal assistant to the notorious Sam Winchester.

Warnings: Humiliation, embarrassment, sexual objectification, mutual masturbation, spanking, dub-con,

Words: 3.1k

Beta: @ilikaicalie

Parts Six and Seven are currently available on Patreon for a monthly pledge of $2.50. This includes early access to all my stories and Patreon exclusive content.  >> CLICK HERE <<

-

That Friday night, after a quick run and pre-packaged dinner you settle in for a quiet night at home. If you go out, it’s always on a Saturday, Fridays are typically reserved for decompression, a little self-care, and Netflix.

It’s almost midnight when you finally shut off the TV, but don’t move off the couch. Sam’s homework has been on your mind since you left, dazed and confused, earlier that afternoon.

It’s an interesting prospect, the idea that his control reaches outside of your in-person meetings. He wants to work his way into your everyday routine, little reminders of his ability to get you to follow orders. You don’t have to do anything, he’d probably never know the difference. He’s only able to exert as much control as you’re willing to give up and you can recognize the power in that.

But there is something appealing about the idea of giving these pieces of yourself to him. There’s something about the concept of obeying orders that appeals to a part of your desires that are suddenly alive and vying for control.

Lying back on the couch you snake a hand inside your pajama pants, rubbing your clit, remembering how it felt when he was touching you. It doesn't take long, just a few minutes of letting your mind wander and fingers stoke. It’s not long before all too familiar need blossoms between your legs. Dipping a finger into your pussy you’re not all surprised at how wet you are. It feels like you’ve been in a state of arousal since your first encounter, neediness that grows with each passing day.

Using your own slick you go back to touching yourself, bringing your body right to the edge before removing your hand. You give yourself a minute, allowing your body to calm down and then resume the touch, edging yourself again. And then again. You almost cum, it’s a close call but right before you’re about to tip over that edge you pull your hand away, legs clenched together, teeth sunk into your bottom lip.

That night you lay in bed in frustration, pussy aching with no relief in sight. You don’t touch yourself again until the following morning when you complete the task again, edging twice before getting up for the day. By the time the weekend is over you’re a desperate mess ready to do just about anything to find relief.

-

Monday becomes Tuesday and there’s still no word from Sam. Attempting to focus on work is a task in and of itself because you’re living in constant anticipation of what his next move might be.

“Hey, you.” Max is suddenly in your cubicle, sitting on the edge of the desk.

“Hi,” you smile, glad for any and all distractions. “Long time, no see.”

“I’ve been working on the Jablonski case. A bunch of us got sent to Orlando for depositions.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but in truth, he loves to peacock. “Trina told me you’re working on some hush-hush project with Sam. What the hell does he have you working on?”

He’s teasing but he also wants the details. Max is always in everyone’s business, it’s how he got to where he is. He uses any and all information to his advantage. The last thing you need is him sniffing around.

“I can’t talk about it.” You mime zipping your lips with your fingers.

“Oh, come on,” he places a hand over his heart. “It’s me. Give me a hint.”

“I can’t.” You nod succinctly.

“Did you hear he chewed Lacy a new one? I don’t know what she did but Pepper said she was hysterical after she left his office. Didn’t stop crying for an hour. He’s got a real way with people.”

“He’s got high expectations.” You shrug, squeezing your thighs together at thought of your dirty little secret.

“You must have figured out how to work with him. He doesn’t tolerate any of us lowly plebs.” He grins, leaning closer. “Come on, give me a hint.”

“Nope.”

“I’ll get it outta you.” He grins.

Max is all charm. There was a time when you entertained the idea of hooking up with him but those days are long since past. The idea that anyone will ever make you feel as exhilarated as Sam is laughable.

“No, you won’t.” You tap the desk, spinning the chair back toward the computer. “I really need to finish this.”

“What you really need to do is wrap up for the day. Let’s go to Lucky’s and have a drink, I still owe you one.”

Sighing, you look at his lopsided smile. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? I don’t bite, too hard.” He’s grinning like a wolf.

“Number one,” You raise a finger. “I don’t date people I work with. Number two, I’m kinda seeing someone.”

“Well, as luck would have it, I’m not trying to sleep with you.” He makes the sign of a cross over his heart. “And frankly my feelings are hurt that you think I have such salacious motives. I’m nothing if not a gentleman.”

“Alright,” you roll your eyes. “Enough with the choir boy routine.”

“One drink, no ulterior motives. We’re friends, that’s all.” He offers.

The truth is you don’t have many friends, certainly no one at work. It would be nice to make an actual connection.

“One  drink, nothing else.” You warn.

“I swear.”

-

By Thursday you’re sure Sam’s homework is designed to kill you. You’ve almost given in half a dozen times, desperate for orgasm but somehow summoning enough resolve to not indulge. But you’re not sure how much longer you can keep it up.

Your phone vibrates in your purse and you retrieve it, looking at a text message from an unknown number.

Come to my office. Bring your phone.

You nearly jump out of your seat, phone in hand as you jog to the elevators. Every time you’ve been with him it’s a different experience and today will no doubt be something new.

Pepper’s desk is empty and the door to Sam’s office is open. You approach, listening to Sam’s voice as you pop your head in the door with a gentle knock on the doorframe. Sam’s on the phone, but looks up, motioning for you to come inside. Pepper is taking notes, glaring at you from her seat.

“That’s fine - I just don’t want to get caught up in something we’re not prepared for - I understand - That’s no problem - I’ll see you next week - you too.”

He turns to Pepper. “Set up a meeting with him next week. It needs to be in-person, so if he can’t come to me I’ll need the necessary arrangements to go to California.”

“Of course,” Pepper nods. “The finance team needs five minutes later this afternoon. Devin wants final approval of several projects before he starts allocating specific budgets.”

“Whatever he needs.” Sam looks to you, his tongue darting out over his lower lip. “Are you free right now, Y/N?”

“Of course.” You offer, afraid to speak to him in front of anyone else. It feels like this secret might tumble out without warning.

“Wonderful.” He quips, plucking his suit jacket from the back of the chair. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

You follow as he walks out of the office, never exactly sure of what he expects. Standing next to him on the elevator you’re silent as the door slides closed.

“How are you?” He asks, looking forward.

“Frustrated.” You answer honestly.

“Sounds like you completed the tasks I gave you.” The comment sounds off-handed as if he’s talking about the weather while he adjusts his watch.

“I did.” The floors tick by as you descend. “It was...challenging.”

“I wouldn’t have picked you for my special project if I didn’t think you weren’t up for a challenge.” He turns toward you, looking you over in approval. “Besides, that was just the beginning. We’re going to test all kinds of limits.”

The elevator dings and you follow him out into the lobby of the main building. People part like the Red Sea, watching him as he strides toward the doors.

“Where are we going?”

“There.” He points across the campus to the new construction.

The company is growing at a exponential rate. There's always renovation or new buildings popping up. This building is much smaller than the one you currently work in, it looks to be four or five stories. “Who’s going to work here?”

“IT,” Sam replies, climbing the stairs as you bound behind him.

There’s a construction team breaking for lunch,  men sitting on the floor eating sandwiches and McDonald's. The foreman makes his way over to Sam, blueprints in hand.

“Mr. Winchester!” He smiles.

“How’s progress?” Sam shakes his hand, looking around the naked room, electric wires hanging from the gutted ceiling.

“Right on schedule.” The foreman glances at you before showing Sam the new set of schematics. After several minutes Sam signs off on the upcoming work. “The top floor is finished?”

“Last week.  I sent your assistant,” he hesitates to look at you. “Your other assistant, the photos. The keycard should work, go check it out.”

“I think we will.” Sam nods.

--

Sam slides his keycard at the glass doors and they open automatically. There are rows and rows of computers in a bright open space with smaller offices off each side of the room.

“The rest of the building should be ready by the end of the month.” He explains, not bothering to turn on the overhead lights. He wanders off toward the back and you follow him into a brightly decorated breakroom. Complete with unused ping pong table and big screen TV. “I thought about moving my office, but I like my current view.”

He turns back to look at you, taking a seat on a small couch next to the coffee machine.

“It’s nice.” It’s hard to make small talk, not when all you can think about is whether he’ll put his hands on you again. “Why did you bring me here?”

“I wanted to get out of my office.” He shrugs, palm ghosting over the crotch of his pants. “Take your clothes off.”

Here we go.

You strip on command, shedding your clothes until you’re completely naked, standing in front of him with arms at your sides.

“You wore your hair up.” He smiles approvingly.

“Everyday, since you asked me to. Would you like me to take it down?”

He bows his head in confirmation. You pull out the pins holding the bun in place, letting hair fall around your shoulders.

“How many times did you masturbate between the last time you were with me and today?” Sam has a way of asking this kind of filthy question like he wants to know what you’re having for lunch.

“Every morning and night, just like you told me to.”

“Did you let yourself cum?”

“No.”

“What did you think about when you touched yourself?” His head tilts to the side, staring at your tits. You blush, looking at the floor and he corrects you instantly. “Look at me when I’m asking a question.”

You snap to attention, a familiar tingle blooming between your legs.

“I thought about the way you touch me, how you talk to me.” You have to shift your weight from one foot to the other, feeling vulnerable on multiple levels. “All the things I want you to do to me.”

“What kinds of things?” His fingers playing over his belt buckle, eyes never leaving you.

“I want you to touch me, fuck me, cum on me.” You force yourself to confess more. “I liked it when you spanked me. I’ve never experienced pain and sex before. It makes me wonder what else I’d like.”

“We’re going to find out.” His eyes hone in on you, curling a finger for you to come to him. He sits up as you stand in front of him. His hand slides between your legs, slapping your thighs apart. “Wider.”

You adjust your stance, as he reaches between your legs, pressing his thumb over your clit. At the pressure your eyes roll back into your head, a whimper escaping.

His thumb continues to rub, while his middle and index finger slide along your slit, pushing in with just the tips. “What do you want most right now?”

“Something inside of me.” You whimper, hands clenching at your sides.

“When you were touching yourself, did you fill up your cunt?”

“Yes,” You nod. His fingers are stroking lightly over your sex.

“What did you use? Your fingers?” He looks up at you, awaiting a response.

“Yes...and...a vibrator.” You manage to choke out.

“From now on, nothing goes in your pussy unless it’s my fingers or my cock. Understood?”

“Yes,” you nod, teeth sinking into your lower lip.

His hand leaves your body, and you open your eyes, looking down at him. He gets one glance at the desperation on your face and chuckles as he undoes his belt.

“I’m going to let you use my cock.” He explains, sliding his slacks down, then his underwear as his thick cock springs upward, curved toward his stomach. “No fucking, just rub your pussy on me until you cum.”

You’re excited and ashamed but ready to do almost anything to get some relief. “Okay.”

He grabs your hips as you straddle his lap. You have to watch to line yourself up, trapping his cock between your crotch and his stomach. You slide your pussy along the underside of his shaft as you roll your hips up and down, coating his length in slick. The feeling of anything other than your own fingers almost does you in with one pass. The swollen crown of his cock catches under the hood of your clit and you let it press back and forth, up and down against the V under the head of his dick before going back to the long strokes, letting the length of him slide between the dripping lips of your cunt.

In no time he’s coated in your arousal, allowing you to easily slide over him, your clit throbbing, aching at the constant drag. It takes every ounce of self-restraint not to mount him and sink down on his dick.

“I’m gonna cum.” You rasp, bracing as your fingers curl into the thick muscle of his shoulders.

“Go ahead.” He grunts, watching intently as you rub yourself up and down his cock.

Pleasure racks every inch of your body with the most intense orgasm you’ve ever felt in your life. All those early mornings and late nights teasing yourself, culminate in this one burst of pleasure that has you shaking from the force of the release. You can’t help the moan that erupts from your throat as you cum so hard you can barely see straight. When it’s finally over you slump forward, resting your forehead on his shoulder, pussy twitching and pulsing against his erection.

“Thank you.” You whisper and he pats your ass cheek in response.

“You deserve it.” He pushes you back, looking you in the eyes. Both his hands cup your jaw, it’s a gentle touch that's out of character, but his words make up for it. “Now, get on your knees and suck my cock like a whore.”

You blink, empty cunt clenching at the word whore, your body reacting despite the fact that you’ve just had an earth-shattering orgasm. Slithering off his lap you drop down to your knees between his legs and quickly take him into your mouth.

You can taste yourself as his hand twists into your hair, lifting you up and down on his cock. The first few minutes are just a warm up as you get used to the size of him, taking him further and further into your throat with every pump of your mouth.

When his patience runs thin he takes matters into his own hands, holding your head in place while he fucks up into your mouth for the better part of twenty minutes. When he gets close he holds you down, forcing you to take every inch before finally easing up, letting you suck him at your own pace.

He cums, spurting thick and warm. You swallow immediately, letting him fill your mouth a second time before he’s done cumming. Then continue sucking the head of his cock until he grabs your hair and pulls you off his dick.

“Did you swallow it all?” He asks, watching spit drip from your chin.

“Yes.” You gasp.

His thumb hooks over your bottom lip, pulling your jaw open. “Let me see.”

Opening wide for inspection, you feel his thumb rub over your tongue, sliding into the back of your mouth before releasing you.

“Next time I cum in your mouth I want you to hold it, don’t swallow until I tell you.” His knuckles slide over your cheek.

“Okay.” You whisper. “I will.”

“I know.” He tucks himself back into his pants. “Tomorrow I want you here by six thirty am. I’ll text you instructions in the morning.”

-

It’s on the walk back to the main building that you remember his request. “You asked me to bring my phone.”

“I did, thank you for reminding me.” He holds out his hand for your iPhone. “What’s your pin?”

“Um,” you hesitate but answer before you think better of it. “Twenty-two, fifty-two, eighteen.”

He thumbs in your code and unlocks the screen, opening your text messages.

“Hey!” You protest, reaching toward him. He jerks his hands away, shooting you a look of utter intolerance, raising his eyebrow until you slink back, unhappily crossing your arms. You stand watching as he skims your messages, then opens the thread from the unknown number he texted you from earlier. Opening the contacts he inserts a name before handing it back to you.

“Keith Campbell.” You read. “You can’t just check my phone, go through my personal things.”

“I just did.” He looks at you, glancing up to nod at a passing employee. “Don't worry, I have no interest in monitoring your texts. As long as you’re sticking our agreement.”

“I am.” You confirm.

“Then pull yourself together. We’re going to have a big day tomorrow.”

-

Parts Six and Seven are currently available on Patreon for a monthly pledge of $2.50. This includes early access to all my stories and Patreon exclusive content.  >> CLICK HERE <<

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[rsbry-beret]

I Looked At You Like The Stars That Shined

Find it on ao3 here

There were three unalienable (inalienable?) truths that Zoey was absolutely sure of.

1. Max was the best friend anyone could ever ask for, except maybe Michelle Obama, because duh.

2. Python was the best coding language and anyone who says otherwise is a lying liar who lies, or at the very least someone Not To Be Trusted.

3. Leif was the most annoying straight white man she had ever met in her entire life.

It was anyone’s guess how anyone could possibly bear to be friends with him. He was an asshole, albeit a talented one, and a total slytherin- not that all slytherins were bad, but. Well. Leif was willing to step on people if it meant he could get a step up.

Of course, part of it was just Zoey being overdramatic. She loved Leif because they’d been working together for forever, and he was part of her team, and it was hard to hate someone after having access to their innermost thoughts and feelings about their doubts via song and dance. That didn’t mean he wasn’t an asshole.

And Tobin was even worse, some days. Sure, he was a complete computer genius, but sometimes talking to him made her just want to dip her entire head in a vat of burning wax, just so she wouldn’t have to hear him speak.

It was absolutely infuriating that they were both fairly good-looking. Assholes shouldn’t be allowed to be handsome. The universe should have some fairness

She snorted to herself, setting her coffee down on her desk and pulling out her laptop. Who was she kidding- she knew better than anyone that the universe didn’t really believe in things like justice.

She heard the elevator ding from across the floor, obnoxiously loud like it always is, and watched Tobin and Leif walk in the room together, chatting and laughing and looking for all the world like they actually got the recommended six hours of sleep while simultaneously doing Pilates and eating things like quinoa, and protein shakes, and maybe even salad.

She hated them both. She hated them so bad.

“What’s up, ginger snap?” Tobin smirked as he passed her desk, looking horrifyingly hyper.

“Absolutely not,” she responded without even bothering to think about it. She was too tired to think. Everything was awful.

“It’s a term of endearment, red.”

“You’re a term of endearment,” she shot back, too focused on her coffee to bother coming up with anything clever.

“She got you there, babe,” Leif said absently from his desk, already set up for work. Leif was her new favorite. Out of the two of them. Let’s not go crazy.

“She did not. Were you even paying attention?” Tobin glanced over at Zoey for a moment, like he was trying to figure something out, before turning back to Leif. “Babe.”

God, she would never understand those guys. Was that what guy-friendships were like? Were they being homophobic or were they just joking? Was Zoey overthinking this? She sighed for a moment before shrugging, going back to her coffee. It was too early to think at all.

It was beyond Zoey, how Max had convinced her to go to a bar with the team. Including Leif and Tobin. He had just started talking about team building, and then Joan had overheard and said it wasn’t the worst idea he had ever had, which was basically the equivalent of an excited squeal from anyone else, so really she had no choice. She had to do it. As a manager. For work.

It helped that Max had a really cute smile when she finally agreed, but that was neither here nor there.

So they were all sitting at a table, eating potato skins and drinking semi-okay tasting vodka, trying desperately to talk about anything other than work and mostly succeeding.

Max was saying something about Ant-Man and physics and chemical-whatever, but her gaze was caught on Leif and Tobin, sat together and a little apart from everyone else. Were they lonely? Should she reach out and invite them into the comic book discussion?

She watched as Leif put his hand on Tobin’s shoulder, meeting his eyes inquisitively and smiling broadly when Tobin nodded. She hadn’t ever seen him smile like that before.

An hour or so later, she looked over to see Tobin and Leif leaning heavily on each other. The glasses in front of them were full, but Zoey wasn’t so dumb to think that meant they hadn’t drank any- she wondered how many rounds they’d both had.

She nudged Max in the ribs, nodding over to the two of them, murmuring to each other something nobody else could hear.

“Huh,” said Max. “Who knew they were affectionate drunks?”

“Yeah,” Zoey said, and nudged her leg a little closer to Max’s under the table. “Who knew?”

It was an hour after lunch and everyone on Zoey’s team was finally, for once, actually working and in the zone and doing things. She might cry from joy. Or exhaustion. Or both.

And then the elevator dinged, loud and piercing. Like a church bell at a funeral. Or an alarm clock. Or something else equally bad. That elevator ding was a harbinger of nothing but bad news. Zoey might break down right then and there.

She looked up to see who was there, about to ask what they needed, but all that came out of her mouth was a strangled “Gyuah?”

The pimpled delivery boy stood awkwardly, arms full with the biggest arrangement of flowers Zoey had ever seen. And her mom was a landscaper. It was honestly the most hideous thing she had ever seen, a mess of roses and sunflowers and daisies and a million other species in a million different colors.

It was also about the size of a very large mini-fridge. A small-fridge, if she may.

The boy shuffled on his feet. Yikes. “Who here is Life Donnelly?” he asked in his high, cracking voice.

“It’s- it’s Leif,” Leif said, sounding somewhat stunned. All eyes turned to him, blushing fire-engine red all the way to the tips of his ears.

“Right,” said the delivery boy, sounding wholly apathetic. He winded his way through the desks to drop the vase of flowers off on an overwhelmed Leif’s desk. “There’s a card. Have a good day.”

“Right. Uh. You too?” Leif said. the boy was already gone.

Everyone was silent for a split second. Then there was chaos.

“What’s the note say, what’s the note say, what’s the note say?” someone was asking over and over, and Mike was definitely taking pictures for blackmail purposes, and Zoey hated to say it but she was curious too.

“Guys,” she said in her manager voice, which needed work but was still enough to cut through all the yammering. Everyone was quiet for a moment. She smiled at them, then at Leif. “Well, what does the note say?”

“Yeah, Leif,” Tobin cut in, sounding just short of sly, “what does the note say?”

Leif cleared his throat once, twice, three times, then quickly plucked the card out of the arrangement and opened it up.

“‘Love of my life,’” he started, before flushing again, unable to keep reading. Someone wolf whistled.

“For Christ’s sake, Leif. If you can’t read it, I will.” Tobin smirked, grabbing the card before dramatically reopening the card with a flourish.

“‘Love of my life,’” he began, “‘I wasn’t sure what flowers are your favorite, so I got them all. I know you hate people at work knowing about our relationship because it’s embarrassing, but I’m kind of an asshole. I love you more than flowers can convey.’” Tobin blinked twice. He had a look on his face Zoey had never seen before, and had no hope of decoding. “There’s no name, so…” he set the card down on Leif’s desk, reaching around him.

Leif was beaming, clearly just as mortified as he was enamored. Zoey couldn’t help but glance at Max, who looked more confused than anything else. Her eyes traced his jawline.

“Wait,” Max said, breaking the quiet, “you're dating someone?”

Zoey was never going to get them back to work.

“Uh. Yeah?” Leif finally said, clearly wishing he could crawl beneath his desk and stay there. His left hand was absentmindedly tracing the petals of one of the peonies. It was almost sweet. Zoey decided to take pity on him.

“Okay, everyone, back to work.”

“Hey, Leif, can you stay late tonight to work on that timeline we need?” Joan asked as she walked out of her office.

“Actually, Joan, I’m sorry but I can’t tonight.”

Zoey looked up, astonished, and saw most of her coworkers do the same. Tobin didn’t, just paused and smiled down at his keyboard for a second before continuing to type.

“I’m sorry, maybe I didn’t make myself clear,” Joan said, slower this time, dangerous. “Leif, you need to work late tonight.”

Leif looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here, smiling painfully. Zoey winced in sympathy. “I understand, but I can’t. It’s my anniversary.”

Joan squinted. So did everyone else, really. “I don’t think you realize how little I care.”

Leif smile strained even more, paper thin. “ I’m not staying late tonight. I’ll use my vacation hours if I need to. This is important to me.”

Zoey’s eyes bounced back and forth between them like she was watching a ping pong match.

“To be clear,” Joan said, “You’re prioritizing your personal life over the launch of our product? The one that needs all hands on deck. The one that launches in two months. That product?”

Leif looked terrified, and also the most confident Zoey had ever seen him. “My relationship is the most important thing to me.”

Joan stared at him for what felt like an eternity. Leif’s hands were shaking minutely. Joan waited a couple seconds longer, then nodded slowly, walking back into her office and closing the door behind her.

All the breath left Leif in a big whoosh, and his shoulders sagged like a popped balloon. Tobin was immediately out of his chair and by his side, saying something in his ear that made him smile. Tobin poked Leif’s hands until they stopped shaking, and then smiled big and happy at him until Leif couldn’t help but smile back, fragile but real.

Zoey was kind enough to pretend not to notice. She’s had enough of those types of moments with Max to realize that some things should be kept private between friends.

It was another late night at work, but at least this time Zoey wasn’t the only one. Maybe it was mean to think, but she was happy that her whole team had been kept longer to work on the project, not just her.

It got a little lonely when it was just her on the floor.

It was already ten, and everyone was exhausted. Zoey’s makeup had come off twenty minutes after normal closing time, and by seven thirty she had changed into the sweat pants she kept stored in her desk at this point. Max’s hair was soaking wet from when he poured water on his face to try to wake himself up (unsuccessfully), and Tobin had ditched his color-blocked hoodie two hours ago.

Perhaps most concernedly, Leif was asleep at his desk for the third time that night.

“Is he okay?” Zoey finally burst out, staring at Leif’s rising and falling back. “I mean, I’m tired too, but it’s still pretty early.”

Tobin sighed, turning to look at Leif too. “He didn’t get much sleep last night. We- he was gonna make it up tonight but-“ he shrugged “-Joan.”

The silence stretched on. Just before it got awkward, Tobin stood up. “I’m going on a coffee run.”

Max squinted at him, untrusting.

“We have coffee here,” Zoey said, confused.

Tobin shrugged. “Leif likes the stuff from ‘I Like You A Latte’. I’m already going, so what do people want?”

Had Zoey entered an alternate universe? If she had, she wasn’t complaining. “Anything with caffeine, please.”

“Black coffee,” Max said, clearly too tired to muster up confusion.

When Tobin showed up thirty minutes later with everyone’s coffee order somehow balanced in one hand and a bag of pastries in the other, Zoey was so thankful she almost forgot to be scared he had poisoned her coffee. But when she saw Tobin softly shake Leif awake, she figured it was fine. They were all too tired to do anything nefarious.

She took a bite of her bear claw and moaned. Even if Tobin had laced it- what a way to go.

Zoey was so, so glad to be at another launch party. She’d admit, when she heard SPRQ was hoping on the AI train, she was skeptical. But Jade turned out really well, and she couldn’t be happier to have Mo come DJ again.

When Mo got there, he immediately told Zoey she had to introduce him to her coworkers.

“Girl, as much as I love the constant dilemma of your choice between Dreamboat Simon and Sweetie Max, I think at this point we both know who you’re gonna choose. I need more drama. Intrigue.”

“I mean,” Zoey said, already leading Mo to her team’s desks, “You probably know way too much personal information about all of them for this not to be weird, but okay.” They got to the desks where, thankfully, everyone was still working on the last minute problems. Not that it was good that there were last minute problems, but- well.

Her coworkers looked up when they heard two pairs of footsteps and Zoey smiled at them. “Guys, this is my friend Mo. Mo’s gonna be DJ-ing the launch tomorrow. Mo, this is my team.”

This was so awkward. Her worlds were colliding. Although honestly, when she looked around, it seemed like the only one uncomfortable was her. Mo was already talking to Tobin about music (huh) while Leif sort of just stood there and listened, nodding occasionally and laughing at all the right moments.

Then, clear as a bell, Zoey heard Mo say “you two are such a cute couple!”

Time stopped.

“Uhm. What?” Max said, loud, interrupting Mo.

“What?” Mo asked back.

“Tobin and Leif aren’t dating,” Zoey supplied.

Tobin looked at Leif. Leif looked at Tobin. Then they both started laughing, hard.

Everyone was looking at everyone, perplexed and concerned and some other emotion, something between embarrassed and amused, like they thought they were in on a joke, but weren’t entirely sure.

Eventually Tobin and Leif stopped laughing and Tobin said, “Actually, me and Leif have been dating for coming up two and a half years now.”

Zoey felt her eyes widen. Max dropped his pen, and almost his laptop. Mo started laughing, now.

Leif grinned too, surprised. “We thought you all knew?”

“How would we know?” Zoey asked, probably somewhat shrilly.

“We call each other ‘babe’,” said Tobin. “We’re constantly touching.”

“Whenever one of us can’t work late, neither can the other. Tobin went on a coffee run for me,” Leif added.

“Shut up,” Tobin said, pink. “Like you didn’t love the flowers.”

“Oh my god, the flowers were from you?”

“Max, we’ve been dating for two and a half years, yes the flowers were from me.”

Leif smiled and wrapped his arm around Tobin’s waist. In hindsight, they really were obvious. “I thought you guys were supposed to be geniuses or something? Mo figured it out in three minutes.”

“That’s because I’m amazing, honey,” Mo said. “And as absolutely hilarious as this is, I do need to set up for my real, paying job right around now. Bye-bye, Zozo.” Mo waved, still laughing quietly to himself.

Everyone stood for second, taking it all in.

“Hey,” Tobin finally said, turning to Lief, “does this mean we can make out at work now?”

Title from Mary’s Song by Taylor Swift :)

[rhys-ravenfeather]

Off now:

End of 2019...dang, I can’t believe it. End of not just a year, but a whole decade. First of all, let me post the drawings I was proudest of from the first and second half of the year, to show how far I’ve come to you guys, and to myself: 

First half of the year:

Second half of the year: 

(Yep, they’re both for Myth City, sue me)

There just...dang. There has been so much that I’ve seen, done, and been through in the 2010s that if I talked about everything, I would probably be here all night. (Plus, I don’t feel like talking about some aspects of my personal life). But I will say this...the decade has had its ups, and downs (sometimes more downs than ups, but I digress). 

The 2010s was wild, it was weird, it was horrible, it was wonderful. This was the decade I made some great friends, both online AND in real life...not to mention this was the decade I got into Tumblr--in 2012, no less, and I can safely say that my entire time on this website has been one wild roller coaster ride after another. But hey, as much crap as I talk about this website every now and then, it DID help me find some of my friends. And even though I’ve never seen most of you guys’ faces, I can safely say that I’m glad I got to know my online friends, and I wouldn’t change a thing about the memories we’ve built. 

But enough of that now. 2019 as a whole? Well, I was technically able to find work, even if it’s only a temp job. 

I left Belize, and was able to stay in the states longer than I thought I would.

 I finally learned how to ride a bike (better late than never, right? Right??) 

I rekindled old interests, got back into roleplaying publicly, after playing ping-pong with the idea for the longest time, and have actually been able to make at least one new friend over it, and even get new ideas for future original stories from it. 

And I’ve got a case worker, job provider, and other people to help me look for work, and just generally help me try and get my life together, and earlier today my case worker even told me about an apartment she found that I could possibly live in, even without social security or a job! (Though I do have my fingers crossed that by the time I potentially start living there, I’ll already have work).

So I guess the year wasn’t a total loss after all. 

I also did make a list of my New Year’s resolutions, but this post feels like it’s been going on long enough, and I want to turn my computer off soon, so I’ll wrap this up. Guess I’ll just post the list tomorrow, instead. 

I honestly have no idea what’s going to happen next...remember that psychology appointment I’ve talked about a couple times before? Well, with any luck, I should FINALLY be having it on the 16th, so I at least have to stay in Missouri until then. 

After that, though? I don’t know. I’m going to keep trying as hard as I can, doing what I can to get myself together and hope that, some way, somehow, I can make at least a little progress in 2020, and finally get at least SOME type of work, and also definitely look into that apartment, and other things. 

No matter what else happens though, when I have the time, I have some art projects I’m looking forward to working on when I have free time, mostly regarding future story ideas/characters/etc. so yeah...I get the feeling 2020 is, if nothing else, going to be a year of ‘sneak previews’ from me, heh. 

Well, no matter what else happens, or what your guys’ plans, or lack thereof, are, I hope all of you guys have a happy, and hopefully productive and successful, not just new year, but new decade, and that it’s kinder to you than the 2010s has been. 

Now then, one last time for the decade...

I will see you guys when I see you!

[elizabeth-234]

The Supplejack

Chapter Seven: Friday, Friends, and Jet Rockets

Previous- Chapter Six: Not so Empty Classrooms

Hi Friends! Happy Tuesday. Hope your week started off great and continues the same way! Here is the next part of Peter's journey. I can't say it enough but thank you all for the support. Hope you enjoy!

“You wanted to see me, Sir- uh, Mr. Stark?” Peter stood haunting the doorway. His eyes rested slightly above the man’s left shoulder as he waited for a reply.

The whole day flew by in a blink. Ned stopped him as he was leaving school and gave Peter his number. He twitched, stopping himself from looking left and right to make sure Ned was talking to him.  He handed Ned his phone, thankful the boy didn’t comment that it was a flip phone, and then put his number into Ned’s. Ned, easy going as ever Peter was learning, just thanked him and told Peter they would talk before walking back into school. Peter watched him as Ned waved and walked up to another group of people. He stood there looking at the ease at which Ned moved and he could hear fragments of his voice carried through the wind.

Peter hurried along straight to the Tower, skipping food so he wouldn’t be as late. Once he found a seat on the subway he ignored the temptation to make sure the number was real in his phone.

Peter avoided the empty classroom at lunch that week and instead opted to sit in the library. A fact he regretted as soon as he saw the amount of people in the room. There was an empty table in the back and he made his way there, thinking wistfully that maybe he should have gone to the classroom. The time passed like he was waiting at the Secretary of State, half fearful he would miss something important and absolutely hating being there every second he sat in the uncomfortable seat. A glutton for punishment Peter entered the library everyday that week with the knowledge that Ned would forget about him before long.

This was, to his surprise, wrong. Ned somehow found him in the school at one point or another. Sometimes he would just wave and yell hi to Peter on the way to class. By the end of the week Peter could manage to wave back and not shrink into himself. Only the blush across his cheeks would give any of his internal embarrassment away. Another time Ned found him before school. Peter was leaning on the locker waiting for the teacher to get there. He had a dream last night about Mr. Stark throwing him out of the Tower and Peter didn’t get much sleep. Ned bounded over, clapped Peter on the back, and started talking to him about some gossip in school. Peter had a hard time following Ned’s line of thought (it sounded more like conspiracy theories than high school life) but he nodded and managed to stifle a yawn.

Each time Ned found him, Peter felt less surprised. It was nice to have someone want to be near you and Peter lapped up the attention while trying to maintain a distance. From experience he knew it was best not get invested in these things. The name Sam Carlson still left a sour taste in his mouth. Peter enjoyed the acquaintanceship while it still breathed life.

His phone burned inside his pocket but he went straight to lab five to find Monica already waiting for him. They were working on updating the information for their project today. Her raised eyebrow said more than any words could have and they settled into work. The pen scribbles broken by minor directions from his partner for the day.

It was mindless work and he found himself falling in line with Monica’s stern guidance. There was a ton of paperwork to be done before they could begin on their project and it couldn’t have been a better day to complete it. His mind kept drifting away. May noticed his preoccupations right away the night before but he felt stupid admitting to her that he was sort of freaking out that someone was talking to him.

He was… unsure. That was the perfect word to describe him at the moment. He was unsure what the right things to say to Ned were. He was unsure whether he wanted a friend at all. He was unsure whether he should be at the internship and he was unsure what Mr. Stark wanted with him. It all was weighing down on him and his mind was trying to play Ping-Pong with his thoughts. Inevitably, they came back to how it could all go wrong.

The paperwork was slow moving and he wasn’t half done when Monica finished hers so he stayed after not wanting to take the subway home yet. He was filling out the group members names on a consent form when Friday told him that Mr. Stark was waiting in lab two and to please head up there. All to eager he packed up the papers and went to the elevator chatting with Friday on the way. The extent of Friday’s conscious was unknown to Peter but he liked to imagine that the AI answered his questions honestly and because they wanted to. May thought it was good conversation practice either way.

Standing in front of Mr. Stark Peter tried to keep Ned’s actions from his mind and keep his focus. The man’s goatee bent down for a moment before flipping to a smile.

“Just the person I was looking for. I wanted to get your opinion on something.” He said as he turned toward the workbench. Peter’s breath caught as he stared at the man’s back.

No longer was his breath stolen by the large building as it had when he first stood before it with May. The sight filled Peter with a quiet awe and a grateful warmth would strike him every time he gleaned the silver parapets but he knew that he would never get used to Mr. Stark asking for his opinion.

The man’s hands waved in the air as hologram panels appeared. Mr. Stark played with the models hovering in front of them. The trial prototypes were tweaked with precision and then tested to see if they were viable. From what Peter observed it looked like some type of jet but on a smaller scale and more powerful. Ideas and impossible applications flickered to life in his mind. His backpack slid to the ground and without a sound Peter walked forward so he was standing just behind Mr. Stark.

Peter waited to see if he would say anything but his eyes stayed forward on the work. His breath came a little easier and he could think clearer knowing that the question was probably rhetorical. No solutions were necessary. Not that this needed any help. As the model spun around it reminded him of why Tony Stark was considered a genius. The man didn’t turn around, but spoke quietly like he was aware he might break the spell.

“Pretty amazing, right?”

Peter nodded and said, “It’s amazing Mr. Stark. The things you could do with that.”

He did turn then fixing Peter in the center of his attention. It was unnerving to say the least and his body had a visceral reaction. The breath hitched in his chest and started to mimic the pounding of his heart. The pockets of his pants tightened around his fists and the floor with all the marbling became the most fascinating thing. The sensations trapped him inside of himself making him unaware that Mr. Stark leaned toward him. He stared at the ground overcome. Why couldn’t the man just turn around?

“Peter...” Mr. Stark said in a low tone. Peter’s face flamed as he tried to push the words out, but they were stuck on his tongue. All he needed to get out was something to show Mr. Stark he wasn’t a complete reprobate. To his mortification a gurgle of a noise came out of his mouth instead of any words he pictured. His mouth stung where he clamped his hand over.  

Peter took in two terribly long breaths and enunciated when he spoke.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark.”

“It’s okay, Peter.” He said and added with a grin, “I didn’t know it was that cool.” He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck but didn’t pause long and went straight into an explanation of exactly what it was.

Peter was left with no time to worry and found himself in the chair next to Mr. Stark. The majority of the time Peter reminded Mr. Stark of a lost train of thought but throughout it the man never shied away from asking what he thought even after what happened before.

On they brainstormed and with the surprisingly comfortable chair, Peter found himself relaxing. He found his vocal chords once more and put the incident out of his mind for the time being. It wasn’t until the sunset intruded into the room that both of them looked up.

“Ah, time just got away from me. I’m sure you had better things to do.“ Peter was mortified to see a rare flare of blush across the man’s cheeks.

“No!” He replied quickly. “This was great Mr. Stark. Really.”

The man looked around the room for a second, reacquainting himself with the present, before settling on Peter again.

“How about some dinner?”

-

His feet pounded on the sidewalk as he went up the steps of the almost familiar building. Peter couldn’t tell if he was running toward the Tower or away from school. Maybe both. Ned sat with him again today and Peter wasn’t sure if it went better or worse than their first meeting.

The most forthcoming problem was that he didn’t understand Ned’s motives of seeking him out in the first place and now Peter was positive that Ned was doing it on purpose instead of an accident. His routine was all out of place and the acid in his stomach had been churning all day. This time it was Ned who found Peter during lunch. Peter was hiding at the back table in the library, his lunch forgotten at home in his rush to get to school on time. There was an abundant amount of people occupying the room and Peter lost his appetite when someone asked to sit diagonal from him at the table.  All he could do was nod and stare at his unfinished math homework trying to ignore the other person at the table.

Something slammed into the table causing the librarian and him to glance over sharply at the cause. Ned shrugged and smiled wide at Peter. In return he felt his own tentative smile rise up. The boy sat down and started whispering about the day’s events like they did this everyday. Like they were friends.

It was one of the characteristics Peter liked most about Ned. He would dive right into something. There was no asking to sit or he never seemed upset when Peter couldn’t make eye contact or if he was a little weird sometimes. Ned just said what he thought. It helped that the boy was a kind person at heart so his words were never vicious. It was normal and Peter was left reeling.

Peter somehow convinced himself that it was all a coincidence, that Ned had felt obligated to seek Peter out. It was weird enough they talked that first time but every time after he felt more and more confused. He tried to ignore the person who was at their table besides Ned and cringed as he found himself laughing but couldn’t bring himself to stop. Peter thought that it might be nice to have a friend.

Of course something had to give eventually and the bubble that Peter had been floating around in burst at Ned’s simple inquiry.

“Hey man, do you want to eat lunch with me and a few other people next week?”

Peter twisted his hands in the hem of his sweater as he avoided Ned’s eye. It wasn’t a big deal, he told himself. It was just lunch. But what if it was all a prank? What if he said something embarrassing? Everyone would stare at him. He may have Ned fooled but other people might not be so overlooking of his quirks. Peter stalled and the bell rang before he could properly answer.

That was how he found himself running decidedly away from school and the boy that would not give up on him. Would Ned not want to be his friend anymore? Peter’s shoes skidded to a halt and wondered if he wanted a friend. He realized that he did. Ned was nice. He had a casual way of talking and Peter liked that he called him Pete sometimes. The boy always had something to say and it put his mind at ease to listen to his excited talking about anything and everything.

He stewed in his thoughts of how to apologize to Ned as he made his way to lab five. His arms crossed in front of him as the elevator took him up.

“Hello Peter. You seem to be in distress. Is there anything I can do for you?” His gaze dropped, eyes wide on the floor. In his haste he forgot to greet Friday.

“I’m…It’s nothing. Thank you though.” The AI was quiet and Peter’s heart dropped a moment. Was she mad? “I mean, I’m... “ He sighed and lifted his large eyes before continuing. “How do you make a friend Friday?”

It was silent and Peter waited for Friday to answer.

“I think you already have all the skills to make a friend, Peter.” He strode forward aware he could leave the elevator now that they reached the floor but frustrated with the vague answer.

“But how? I’ve never made one before and it’s so… difficult talking to people and I’m me, Friday. Sometimes I come home so exhausted from school because... I don’t know why! I just don’t get people sometimes. I feel so disconnected from them.”

It was silent again and Peter hugged his arms around his middle. “I’m your friend, Peter.” A blush stained his cheek at the statement. “You took the time to ask me how I was doing and you always greet me. You are kind and show interest in me. It is nice and I think that’s what friendship is.”

Peter felt five years old again and dug his toe into the floor.

“I- I think so too Friday. I’m sorry, that was inconsiderate of me.”

“There is no apology necessary. I think the saying goes is to ‘be yourself’ and Peter?” She paused waiting for a sign he heard. “You are a good friend.”  

Peter nodded not keeping the smile off of his face and went to step off the elevator before Friday spoke again. “The boss wants to see you in lab two today.”

“Um, okay. Thanks Friday. Have a good day.”



“You as well Peter.” He smiled at the affection in her voice and he took a deep breath, his step lighter after their talk.  

The room was empty when Peter arrived and he hovered in the doorway unsure if he could enter. Friday did say that Mr. Stark wanted to see him but no one was there. He rocked back and forth for a moment before entering the room, making sure to steer clear of anything fragile.

He waited in the middle of the room before taking a lap, stopping to look out the large windows before walking to the front again. The plans for the machine were glowing in the air and caught Peter’s eye.

That technology was amazing in itself. The three-dimensional model made brainstorming and testing parts that much easier. It would be handy to have when he built his radios instead of doing it blind. Sometimes they wouldn’t work out and Peter was left with no radio and a bunch of spare parts.

Before he knew it his hand rose up and the design spun before him. He retracted his hand as if he had been burned and spun around to make sure no one saw his meddling.

The limb struck out on it’s own again and the idea from yesterday arrived in the forepart of his brain. He looked around again and sat down in the chair. It would be easy if he applied it to the specific scenario.

Peter forgot to keep looking around and as if he had been doing it his whole life his hands manipulated the holograms. He was so focused on his work that he didn’t hear the doors slid open.

“Whatcha working on?” Peter’s arms stopped midair and he whipped around to see Mr. Stark leaning against the wall. The man was smiling but his hand dropped like lead and the chair screeched as it moved back.

“I’m sorry Mr. Stark. It was nothing. I shouldn’t have touched it.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing. No, you don’t have to apologize.” He said to Peter’s widening eyes. “It’s okay, Peter. Show me what your idea was.” Peter swallowed before looking down. “I want to see it, please.”

It was the please that got him. Mr. Stark shouldn’t have to say please. The man was the boss and Peter was compelled to acquiesce to his request. He could feel Mr. Stark standing right next to him and tried not breath too loudly.

Peter brought the design up and started to explain. Mr. Stark was quiet, only asking questions and prompting Peter to continue when he faltered in the explanation.

“Let’s run it in a test scenario. You saw me do it yesterday right?”

Peter nodded slowly once. He was sitting in the seat Mr. Stark was in yesterday and it felt too big. He thought the man would want his seat back but Mr. Stark just sat in the next one over. Under his lashes he looked over at Mr. Stark and took in his hunched back and elbows on the desk. He was leaning forward as his eyes stared at the projections.

Peter set up the test run and the two of them watched as a black car drove down the highway. First he showed Mr. Stark what would happen without the jets. They watched as two cars collided into each other causing one to flip and roll down the median. Next, Peter ran it with the jets.

The car was mostly translucent showing the engines along with the lining of the car. It continued driving when another car came onto the highway next to it. This second car was silver and out of nowhere cut off the black one, almost hitting it. Their test run went into slow motion and the trajectory of their test car appeared heading straight for the blue car. Then with a burst of light their miniaturized jets came on and the trajectory line changed. Instead the test car slowed and changed the angle with the propellants of the jets so that it was free and clear of all obstacles.

It wasn’t a perfect first run, they seldom were, and on moving away from the blue car the engines steered it too close to the road barrier. It had to correct the path last minute and at first came away with too much damage for their satisfaction. At the end of their tinkering the car came away with significantly less damage than before.

Mr. Stark let out a whistle as he leaned back into the seat.

“I mean it’s just an idea. I think that…”

“This could work Peter.”

“I mean it’s not even my idea. I actually got it from footage of Iron Man, uh, you and how the your suit works in the same way.”

“Well, that may be but you,” he paused and Peter looked up at him. “You connect the dots, Peter. Not me. Let’s work on the preventative part of it some more. I think that if we…”

The two worked side by side for the remainder of the day. Peter didn’t notice that his hands were steady or how his voice was clearer than it was the previous week. He didn’t know that his eyes connected with Mr. Stark’s as he went through more revisions. As they sat there and ate Peter took second helpings at Mr. Stark’s request but didn’t protest nearly as much. Peter didn’t notice that his smile stayed longer that day but the man beside him did.

Thank you!! I am doing Whumptober if anyone has ideas or wants something attempted if I feel inspired by it. 

Chapter Eight: The Ned Saga

Taglist (send me an ask and I can add anyone): @demi-starzak @verdonafrost