#is arguably one of the best disney songs in the entire canon

[dizzydancingdreamer]

My Just Dance Playlist and who I would battle against / team up with in order to remain the champ

Hey lovelies so I— like usual— am procrastinating so I have decided— at the behest of literally no one— to extensively go through my workout Just Dance Playlist and explain in depth who I would 1 v 1 against, why I would pick them, and why I would— most likely— win.

PSA: This will be very biased and will literally be me bragging about how I would win at Just Dance every time with very little factual proof (because, really, how am I getting this proof?) and then literally me being self absorbed for the entirety of this essay length post— a girl’s gotta’ self care you know?

This is also lowkey practice for a fic I’ll be putting out at the start of Dinner at Dizzy’s so stay tuned it’ll be a fun one

Sorry in advance for the 2.4k essay of me being self obsessed

Also the links are just vids of the choreo in case you’re invested

Into The Unknown | Idina Menzel

This is a warm up song— like if I don’t do this one to stretch I’ll literally die— but definitely Wanda because we’re both soft (don’t fight me on this— I just know she’s a soft girl and would LOVE Just Dance). I don’t think I would aim to win on this one— I like her too much and, again, this is a warm up. She would definitely sing along with me too. If Sam was in a good mood he would also join in on this one— he has two nephews and is fun as fuck so I do not doubt he knows all the words and would be all in. Honestly this song is a warm up so anyone could join and I wouldn’t aim to win— unless it was Tony— because the man’s ego is perhaps the only one bigger than mine— or Steve— because I don’t know why I just think it would be cute to watch the man fumble because he 100% can’t dance beyond the slow dances.

Let It Go | Idina Menzel

Okay so another warm up (yes, I need two warm ups) so again the same principles apply. Again Wanda would be all over this one and I would go as far as to say Pietro— fuck off he is an Avenger and in my head he’s still very much alive— would join in too because he’s like a puppy. I would make Bucky do it too— cue the pout because he would try to say no and nope, no sir, you’re playing— because, uh hello, super soldier dancing to Disney songs. I think I would pull Nat in too because she needs a little push and once she’s in she’d be fully in— and, duh, I want a sexy woman assassin to dance with me.

Bad Romance | Lady Gaga

This isn’t my favorite song but— lucky for me— it’s a group song with three dancers so it won’t make me look bad right away. I would pull my sexy girl gang and get Nat and Wanda in on the action. I feel like Nat would be in the front— because, again, hello sexy— and not to mention that I feel like her skills would make her able to easily adapt to the moves— and then Wanda and I would just be chilling in the back, giggling and being cute. This is Nat’s moment— can you tell I only get competitive against the men? Fuck trying to beat Nat, I’m using this time to absorb the sexiness— I will be needing it for later on in this playlist.

Hot N Cold | Katy Perry

OKAY THIS IS ARGUABLY MY FAVOURITE SONG ON MY PLAYLIST! This is 100% my best song. Like “perfects” across the board every single time. I have it memorized and if this song ever comes on in public I’ll be fucked because I’ll have to dance to it and look dumb. Anyway— given that this is my best song— Sam. I can afford to throw him in here because— despite the fact that I know this man has literally all the moves— I have this song ingrained in the essence of my soul. It would probably be a semi-close race but I have the added bonus of knowing the tricks of the choreography. He may be skilled but I am obsessive and have poured hours into this song. I would probably laugh when he loses because of the adrenaline (again, it was close, my heart would be pounding). This is dirty and strategic but this is about me winning and nothing else. Better luck next time babes— rematch anytime.

Girlfriend | Avril Lavigne

MY THIRD FAVOURITE SONG— JUST LIKE BEFORE THIS IS IN MY SOUL! I have actually spent a lot of time thinking about this. I could use this song to knock out a more skilled dancer— Tony, Sam (again), Pietro (you know I’m right)— but I have made the executive decision to pull Steve in on this one. Clearly it has nothing to do with skillful planning on this one— I would 110% win this game— but rather it has everything to do with the fact that I want to look this man in the eye and mouth “Hell yeah, I'm the motherfucking princess” and watch him get flustered and maybe tell me not to swear. Clint would laugh and that’s more than enough motivation for me. I also want to giggle and stare at the super soldier the entire time because I can hit the moves with my eyes closed and he would be flicking his eyes between the screen and me wondering how on EARTH I got so good at this. SO CUTE!

California Gurls | Katy Perry

THIS IS THE ONE THAT IS TIED WITH HOT N’ COLD FOR FIRST! I’m good good at this one. I grew up on Snoop Dogg and I fully believe that is why I am so good at this song. Anyway Pietro— without a doubt in my mind Pietro would kill this song (or in the very least try to kill it) and I’m not worried about losing because of the sheer amount of gameplay I have on this song alone. He would have the most fun with me and it would be the literal time of my life. Like I might actually lose this one just to see him get all happy and puppy-like about winning— LOL just kidding no I wouldn’t, sorry peanut better luck next time. You killed the hip wiggles though!

Forget You | CeeLo Green

Okay this one might not make any sense but Bucky. This is a hard-ish song but I think some of the moves really scream like old-timey and I think— if he could get rid of his pride for five seconds and let some of the fun-loving, silly Bucky out— that he would really enjoy this song. It’s fast paced but repetitive, the lyrics are fun, and I would be laughing enough for the both of us that he wouldn’t think about how dumb he looks because I’d be looking doubley stupid. Don’t let that fool you— I am a whiz at this song too. There’s a lot of jumping and spinning and jump spinning that entice that perfectionist side of me in a way that has driven me to perfect this song. This isn’t a heavily strategic move— it doesn’t need to be, he, again, hasn’t danced in years— but it is fun while allowing me to still win. NEXT!

Waterloo | ABBA

Okay two teams here, this is where it gets fun. This could go in a lot of directions. If Tony isn’t there then I would pull Nat— the gameplay is easy and she would pick it up within seconds. I would then pair up Steve and Thor because they’re both huge and clunky and would spend the entire time bumping into each other. Dirty but I’m doing it without regret. NOW— If Tony was there then we’re teaming up. I don’t trust him to not be on a team with me because he’s too competitive. I won’t risk it, not today, not ever— we’re eternal dance partners because I refuse to be bested by a man. Even a sexy, silver fox millionaire. The other team would be Sam and Bucky. They would fight the entire time. I can hear it now— “That was the wrong move, dumbass.” “You stepped on my foot, asshole.” — it’s a virtually flawless game plan. There’s a 1% chance they would team up to win against me but even then Bucky hasn’t danced since the 30’s. Foolproof.

Just Dance | Lady Gaga

I am AWFUL at this one but luckily it’s a group dance again. If I had to choose any song to take a break for— because I’ve literally just whooped Avenger butt at this point and deserve five minutes to sit down— it would be this one. This is 100% a strategic move. Love you miss Gaga but the choreography is WACK and I will not be losing. Anyway I will be nominating Tony, Pietro, and Sam— a dance battle of epic proportions and I honestly cannot tell you who I think would win. I can, however, speculate. Sam right off the bat would be a hard player to beat. I said it before and I will reiterate now— Sam Wilson has all the moves. But, that being said, Tony would not want to lose. Like at all. So I am pushed to believe that this fight would be a tough battle. Pietro I don’t think would try too hard to win but, then again, I just pitted him against Tony and, well, we all know how that goes. He has an ego too so honestly it could go in any direction. Pietro might be soft with me but against Sam and Tony— this fight might get dirty. Camera’s out people!

Gimme! Gimme! | ABBA

Thor. Like— there’s just no other person that I want to disco with. None. I want the blonde god up there next to me or nobody. Well, besides Steve because LOL yeah he’s not winning that sorry pumpkin we’ve already covered that. Thor I could simultaneously beat and laugh my ass off with. It’s a lot of tricky moves— ABBA didn’t come to play— and way too much variety for him to be able to catch on right away but he would also not care about looking like an idiot and might end up just picking me up and spinning me around because why not right? I would win and be happy.

Starships | Nicki Minaj

This is pure strategy— Tony. This is the only one I could beat him at because of the sheer amount of moves and plot twists in the choreography. There’s a lot of jumping, spinning, kicking movements and if you haven’t had two months to memorize it then you’ll be fucked. Even then it’s a long shot because— AGAIN THE EGO DRIVES THIS MAN TO HEIGHTS I HAVE YET TO SEE ANYWHERE ELSE— but it’s my best bet. If I could blindside him enough with the hip wiggling then it would be a sure win but he might see through the strategy. He’s smart— too smart. I would fight dirty— I don’t lose. Now, if Tony— again— was not present then I would pull my baby Wanda for this one because she would have so much fun and it would be 1000% worth it. Literally my ray of sunshine— let’s do fun girl things like dance to Nikci like the entire team isn’t watching. Clint and Sam would be singing along— that’s canon. Nat would be filming and cheering. The super soldiers, iron boy (assuming he’s sitting this one out), the fast one, and the gods would be slack jawed. It doesn’t get better

Maneater | Nelly Furtado

I can’t even explain how long I’ve had the plan for this one. Too long. Remember the sexiness I was talking about? Yeah— here’s where I’m gonna’ need it. This is ALSO one of my favourite songs on this playlist because of how sexy I feel dancing to it. The moves are *chefs kiss* so fucking amazing I could cry. I feel like a maneater when I dance to this and that is a blessed feeling. Anyway— I will be pulling two people for this song and those people are Clint and Nat. I think Clint— contrary to popular belief— is secure enough to have fun dancing to this and, also, not to mention the most important part— whoever wins gets to take me on a date. The big guns. Literally it’s a foolproof plan. First, I can’t lose because this choreography is hard as fuck for beginners and I have been practicing and perfecting it for months. Second, the fight between Nat and Clint would be so fucking entertaining. They’re skilled, agile, sleek assassins who would literally dance to Nelly Furado like their lives depended on it. I think what’s even funnier is that Nat is for sure the better dancer but I just know Clint is a) only a fraction less better than her and b) would be trying SO HARD to win. Like I wouldn’t put it past him to not play dirty. I am cute, after all. His 6’3” ass would be sweating trying to get my 5’2” ass on that date.

Good Feeling | Flo Rida

Clint, baby, knowing full well you could have possibly just lost the last round to Nat, I will give you one more chance— mainly because this whole song is a vibe and the choreography is so much fun and there’s a handful of moves that I both want to do in sync with you but also want to laugh watching as you flounder them. Clearly as a stealthy archer assassin I am testing my luck with this one but he just doesn’t know the in depth ins and outs of this choreo. He doesn’t know about the like seventeen hundred bridges that this song has and the robot moves in the middle. So I’ll wrack up those extra points where needed. Honestly if you only click one link make it this one— I can’t describe how fun this would be with him. Competitive but fun. I have faith in myself that I would come out on top. He’s agile but I’d risk it all for the title of champion. Still, he would fight hard— that’s why I love him though.

How Far I’ll Go | Auli’i Cravalho

This is my cool down song but there’s someone here who has managed to hide his way into not playing and that is unacceptable— Loki, babe, you’re doing my relaxing song with me because the gods only know how much you need a break. I’ll look dumb because— believe it or not— the slow song trips me up the most. But it’s fun and it’s the reason I don’t have a heart attack when my chubby ass is done all the fast songs— so it’s necessary. It’s also slow enough that he won’t look dumb and thus won’t literally kill me because he won’t be embarassed. I would willingly lose to Loki because I don’t want to lose my life. It isn’t a loss— it’s survival. That and I think he’d smile if he got a good score and that alone is worth losing to this one (1) man. I also want to add that I think Clint would secretly love this one because you can’t tell me that a man with an aim as good as him doesn’t meditate. He does and he would perhaps beat Loki at this one. Rest in peace to the love of my life when the trickster god literally tears his head from his body but sometimes you’ve got to take the L baby.

[ironwoman359]

Thoughts on Remus Sanders

So the new video came out and I have a lot of thoughts on a lot of different things, but for this post, let’s talk about our new resident trash man, Remus Sanders, aka The Duke, aka the Dark Side of Creativity. 

Remus’s Role (who or what is he?)

First off, Remus’s ‘Side Title’ as it were is definitely Creativity. He is not simply “Intrusive Thoughts.” That is not his function, intrusive thoughts are a result of his function, an area of thinking that he is responsible for. Like Roman, he embodies Creativity and the Imagination, but unlike Roman, he deals almost exclusively in ‘dirty,’ mature, dark, or disturbing ideas. Sure, the video was about intrusive thoughts specifically, but that’s not all that Remus does. He said himself twice, once in song and once in regular speaking, that he wants Thomas to explore more mature themes in his videos and to be more “realistic” with his creations. So while the other “dark sides” like Deceit and Anxiety (maybe Paranoia?) have different functions than the “light sides,” Remus and Roman are two sides that embody the same trait: Creativity. 

As Thomas said, the Duke and the Prince literally wear black and white, because his relationship with his imagination while he was growing up led to Roman encompassing the “good” parts and Remus the “bad” parts. Both ‘sides’ of creativity are important over all, but Thomas specifically gave Roman, the light, the positive sunshine rainbow unicorn side, more import than the dark, the twisted macabre disturbing side. Hence Roman is a Prince, while Remus is merely a Duke, a lesser rank of nobility. 

Remus’s Goals (so what does he want?)

Like Roman, Remus wants Thomas to create things, things that he can be proud of. And more SPECIFICALLY, he wants Thomas to be remembered, to have a legacy. Roman, you will note, wants this too. All sides, after all, want what they believe is best for Thomas, but they all have different views of what that looks like AND of how to get it. And Remus believes that the darker sides of creativity that he encompasses are the way for Thomas to get that notoriety he craves. Just look at the way Remus talks (or sings) about himself in relationship to Thomas’s content:

“If you really wanna challenge your viewership, then you need to stop limiting me.” 

“If you want the spectrum A-Z you’ll need a little help from me.”  

(in reference to Thomas only wanting bright and happy things in his content) ”Hey Prude, your art is Bad.”

“What will our legacy be? Will you even have one? How about this: you get buck naked on camera and self immolate to Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off! That’ll leave an impression!” 

Remus wants what ever creator/performer wants: he wants to be remembered. But unlike Roman, he holds no reservations about how they get there. 

But Remus ALSO a rather chaotic force in general, and you get the feeling that he really just wants to have fun...unfortunately, what’s fun for him is not very fun for most people, Thomas included. Remus is more like the way many of us characterized Deceit at his first introduction: likely to be cruel for no reason. Because it’s fun! Right?! 

Roman vs. Remus...why?

I have a headcanon that Patton (or Patton’s influence) is largely responsible for the development of Remus and Roman as separate entities, actually.  During their conversation about Just Like Heaven, Patton mentioned that a happy ending “makes good cinema.” And...no, it doesn’t. Objectively, good cinema, good ART is not dependent on whether or not it is happy. Now, whether or not it is happy is certainly a valid indicator of whether or not YOU as an individual like it. But not it’s objective quality. And that’s what has happened with Roman and Remus, anything that Thomas’s Moral Code (again, Patton himself or his general influence) deemed as “bad” or “wrong” got shoved into Remus, while Roman kept all the good parts for himself. 

When you look at it that way, it’s no wonder that Remus spends so much of his time sending intrusive thought’s Thomas’s way. (Yes, intrusive thoughts are fairly common, but not everyone has them, and not always to the severity that Character Thomas does) That’s basically his ONLY creative outlet, as everything else has been given to Roman. And why it makes sense that he is desperate to be more involved in Thomas’s creative process. Intrusive thoughts are all fine and well, but if Thomas isn’t ACTING on them, then Remus is effectively not being listened to, which as we all know is every single side’s greatest source of frustration. 

His Logo (this is a pure guess based on my own theories and observation, but it’s fun to think about.)

It’s been theorized before that the “dark sides” have something animal themed in their clothing and/or appearances. Deceit’s is obvious the two headed snake, and Virgil’s is largely thought to be a raccoon, and if we look closely, Remus seems to fit this theory. His animal is some sort of tentacled sea creature, as evidenced by the thumbnail of the video, his green coloring, and the belt buckle he wears. Some have suggested a squid or octopus, but this IS Creativity we’re talking about here...it could be Something Else. Something a little more...creative. 

“Whoa, you guys are acting fishier than the Kraken’s crack.” -Roman, timestamp 3:43. 

I propose that his ‘animal’ is a Kraken, a giant sea monster known for causing great destruction, killing sailors and dragging ships down into the depths of the sea. Sort of like how our Dear Old Duke seems to take pleasure in being destructive towards both himself and others and dragging Thomas’s thoughts down into the depths of depravity? Huh? Maybe? Imagine a logo similar to Roman’s, but instead of an idyllic castle, it’s a giant sea monster. Perhaps reaching it’s tentacles around a ship? Or perhaps looking a little sleeker and going for something like the Hydra logo in Marvel? I dunno, it’s fun to think about! 

The Rainbow Theory (no, I’m never gonna let this one go)

Remus’s existence, and more specifically, his color palate, only reinforce the Rainbow Theory as being canon. Thomas is Full Rainbow all the time, and each of his sides encompasses one color on that spectrum. You have Red (Roman), Orange (a yet to be discovered “dark side”), Yellow (Deceit), Green (Remus), Blue (Patton), Indigo (Logan), and Violet (Virgil). 

One of the reasons I really like the rainbow theory is that it allows for a sense of balance between Thomas and his sides. I like to imagine it like this: There are three “light” or “good” sides, (Roman, Logan, and Patton) and three “dark” or “bad” sides (Deceit, the Duke/Remus, and an unnamed, Orange party). I use quotes on these labels because arguably, any trait could be used for good or for bad, and no side embodies this more than Virgil. Violet, the odd little shadowling out. The side that is now canonically CONFIRMED to have once been considered one of “the Others,” but who now has an equal seat at the discussion table. The side, if you will, that is the tipping point on the scale between whether or not Thomas is a “good person?” Ah, but that’s a theory for another post ;) 

If you combine the rainbow theory with a color wheel, Remus’s appearance also all but confirms some theories that we’ve had about “dark” sides in the past: they are opposites to/extensions of/foils for a corresponding “light” side. It’s no secret who Remus’s corresponding side is, both he AND Roman are literally both creativity. And what is Red’s complimentary color on the color wheel?

Green. 

While it’s harder to tell who Deceit’s foil is, since the blue/indigo and the yellow/orange parts of most color wheels you look at are more blurred, but I’m leaning towards Logan, the darker blue, the indigo, being the foil to Deceit’s Yellow, and Patton’s lighter blue being complimentary with the Orange Side yet to be revealed, since the light blue is closer to the green and the orange is closer to the red. 

This also solidifies the idea that I have that Virgil himself has no foil. I see some people suggest he could be Logan’s foil, but I honestly think that Logan’s foil is either Deceit or Mr. Orange, and the Patton’s is whoever Logan’s isn’t. Virgil’s trait doesn’t necessarily have a perfect foil...and purple in particular has no opposite color that isn’t already sort of taken by one of the other three “light” colors. But I digress, this post is about Remus, not Virgil. I just like talking about the rainbow theory, I think it’s neat! 

Other, smaller observations (mostly just fun things I noticed/liked about his character)

As much as they are opposites in ways, Remus shares many mannerisms with Roman, from his expressions to his vocal ticks to his gestures. 

Literally less than a minute after he first appeared on screen, he broke out into an entire Disney Villain style musical number. (no really, he appeared at 6:00 and started singing at 6:53)

I sort of mentioned this earlier, but he is not only responsible for the darker parts of imagination, but also clearly things like childish potty humor and sexual innuendo. For THOMAS, this is a “bad” thing banished to it’s own separate side, but for some people, that kind of humor doesn’t cross the line. Joan, for instance, has both a raunchier sense of humor and darker sense of humor at times than Thomas, as holding up a disembodied corpse prop’s middle finger is, yeah, TOTALLY something they would do without Remus’s influence. 

He cannot be insulted through traditional means, as he takes them as compliments. It is only through him being discredited/weakened by Logan’s words that we see him having any sort of negative reaction to the others. 

Again, a point to get more into detail with another post, but he was particularly interested in beating down Virgil specifically, and in ways that seemed less relevant to what was going on like his taunts to the others. Just like with Deceit in the courtroom, he clearly knows Virgil well enough to get under his skin, and he relishes doing so. 

The trash boi does not sit still, if he’s not engaged by what’s happening, he’ll find some other thing to occupy himself with, such as picking his nose or eating deodorant. 

Like Deceit before him, he gets huffy when he doesn’t have his way, and then does his best to just be a general inconvenience (read also: a dick) to Thomas if he can’t be actually listened to. 

That’s all for now! Thanks for reading <3

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

1, then multiples of 5 detailed Aurora?

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Aurora Elizabeth Anderson!  Aurora means dawn and within canon she was named by her mother, so no one knows why it was chosen!

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

She does!!  She has two big brothers, Cooper and Blaine!  Blaine is probably her best friend in the entire world, they’re as close as you can get and have been inseparable for their entire lives!  Cooper is obviously significantly older, but Aurora adores him!  Cooper has always been closer to Aurora than Blaine, although their relationship is definitely better than it is in canon!  Cooper definitely sort of borders the line between big brother and a father figure, and did a lot more to raise Aurora than their father!

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Yes and yes!  Aurora doesn’t spend a lot of time around kids, but she’s great with them and they tend to like her!  She’s really not sure if she wants kids, but she’s definitely the best aunt/godmother to other Warblers’ kids!  And I’m undecided bc the idea of pregnancy really freaks her out, but she might be a surrogate for some of the Wablers (Blaine & Sam, Jeff & Nick, Wes & David)

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Yes!  She’s arguably the best cook in Warbler Hall and she loves it!  She’s always willing to swap one of her cleanup shifts with someone’s cooking shift so she’s gotten extra practice that way, and sometimes when she can’t fall back asleep after a nightmare she just goes to the kitchen and makes stuff!  And the others love it!

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Of course!  I mean, this is Aurora, musicals and music are pretty much the only thing keeping her alive.  When her favourite songs come on, she can’t help but sing and bounce along!

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Aurora’s sense of humour tends to be fairly dry and a lot of quick wit — it’s not everyone’s taste but a lot of what makes her funny is that you never expect whatever it is that she says!

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

She does!!  She exercises a lot and of her own free will, along with mandatory choreo sessions, and she pretty much always seems less stressed after working out!!

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

okay so honestly Aurora doesn’t really have any guilty pleasures, she’s very much team “this makes me happy fuck you” about it all, which is a fun time in the guilty pleasures episode!  Her unguilty pleasures include disney movies, Mamma Mia, wedding reality shows, and high school musical!

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

She doesn’t like energy drinks but she loves coffee more than most things in life!!!  And she definitely has some sugary foods that she likes but she tends to prefer salty!

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

It’s not!  Aurora has a very warped sense of self and is hyper-critical of herself all the time!  In large part due to very shitty parenting, Aurora sees herself as hard to love, disappointing, broken, and feels like she’s never good enough at anything!

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

This definitely depends on where she’s going, but clean underwear, her passport, her medication, a first aid kit, her wallet, her phone, and her charger are always necessities!  If she’s going to the wilderness or doesn’t know where she’s going, she would also bring matches, a lighter, and water purification tablets!

Super Detailed Questions

[applegelstore]

My sis and I are through with the actual main plot of KH3, so I can officially go back to scheduled ToZ fangirling now. …Well, I promised Cray a bit of fix-it-fanart, so after that, I guess.

Hit the cut for a resume. It got super long and has endgame story spoilers, so you might not want to stumble upon it by accident.

Another extra big shoutout (again!) to @crazayrock for bearing my liveblogging on Discord, screaming without context and occasional spoilers. And linking me fluffy Soriku doujinshi. Here, have my favourite, spoiler-heavy excerpt of our conversation:

Okay anyway, let’s get started: GAMEPLAY

Kingdom Hearts 3 is BEAUTIFUL. The gameplay is so smooth and intuitive that you can immediately get to playing like you’d never done anything else; in fact so smooth that I doubt I will ever be able to pick up the first game ever again. It’s always been fun, but the looooooong years’ gap actually did wonders to the gameplay.

The keyblade form changes are fun and keep things fresh, you can do flashy triangle button shit every other minute, and shotlock is still insanely useful without being a game-breaker.

It seems easier than the first two main games, though?

The gummi ship is still a pain in the ass to steer, but I do enjoy the open world-like travel options (even if there’s not… much to discover except heartless lasering the shit out of you). I’m also eternally grateful that they kept the gummi ship thing from KH2 where you can just use a new gummi ship once you got the blueprint and don’t buy actual fucking legos as in the first game.

Thank you, Square. Not thanking you for the dumb cherry flan game, though.

The Caribbean being basically an open world stage was delightful! Apparently what our resident island kid needs is a big ship and tropical islands to plunder.

VISUALS AND STUFF

PRETTY LIGHTS EVERYWHERE

The long gap between the games also did wonders to the visuals.

There’s finally, FINALLY a few towns with actual NPCs you can talk to. Why it took the team so many years and the Gods know how many games is beyond me. The magic effects are beautiful, the animations smooth (honestly you can hardly tell apart cutscenes and fully rendered CGI scenes in this day and age of the PS4. I’m probably the only person still amazed by this because the only games I played on PS4 before were a few hours of Child of Light and of course Tales of Zestiria and Berseria. No, I still haven’t played FFXV but that’s a topic for another day). How far videogames have come.Even space finally looks like space, lol. Not really high-end what the PS4 can do I assume but god, it’s such an amazing and much needed upgrade from the terrible textureless colourful tubes you flew through before.

No excuse for the terrible battleship thingy before the Keyblade Graveyard, though. I got lost and beaten up so many times and crashed against more walls than I can count.

Nothing beats the World that Never Was, but the Keyblade Graveyard also has creepy cool potential, as does the beautiful but ghosted City in the Sky.

Still not getting what’s with JRPGs and very Definitely Final Dungeons (TM) that are basically space. …………or heaven. Or nothing. I’m getting the bad kind of original NGE TV series ending vibes. But. Okay.

The soundtrack is splendid

.……I miss Traverse Town and Radiant Garden, however.

Which brings us to:

THE WORLDS

I guess I can live with no more Final Fantasy characters being there (although I always loved that), and the meta jokes in Toy Story world really got me. Seeing Disney characters calling the KH villains call out on their shit was delightful. …the KH characters lampshading their own games’ sloppy dialogue writing was delightful.Still, those Disney worlds are always so much more in my head than what I actually get to play. This has been bugging me ever since the first game and it still does. I do not expect or want to replay the entire movies, but would it hurt to give the cutscenes some goddamn background music? Whenever there’s cutscenes, either the world’s usual BGM keeps playing or the music stops altogether. Together with the shortened dialogues and generally drastically shortened plots with odd cuts, that leads to scenes that are awkward at best. They never even remotely have the impact the movies had. You just sit there and think “oh wow that is so silly and awkward”.

Dancing scene in Corona? My favorite scene in Tangled. Zero impact on me without the lovely BGM (at least they made it a minigame so the moment isn’t over after 3 secs). Just for example. You can ask me like, world by world, but I can think of only exception off the top of my head and it’s not helping:

Let it Go of course. Listen guys, I actually love the song. But it’s so overused (and Frozen is an overrated movie at best that doesn’t deserve its hype in the slightest) that I can’t even really enjoy it being there. Like.


IF THAT’S OKAY WITH YOU,WHY DIDN’T YOU INCLUDE LITERALLY ANY OTHER ORIGINAL SONG FROM THE ORIGINAL MOVIES. Instead of BGM just not being there entirely, or in odd, cringey re-renderings that nobody wants to listen to (*cough* Atlantica *cough*).

Why torture me and not give me the one good scene from At World’s End (the up is down scene) when you had the chance?Kingdom Hearts is also prone to super lazy level design and wasting chances at wonderful scenery for no apparent reason other than I suppose empty cliffsides are quick to render. All games before did that, and KH3 is, sadly, no exception. We get to see a bit of Corona and Athens and they finally have NPCs, too, but you cannot even get near Arendelle. You cannot enter Elsa’s palace. You spend the entire time there climbing around in the snowy mountains of Norway, and unfortunately it looks less interesting than one would expect from the lovely concept art that the film unfortunately never used.You cannot enter Rapunzel’s tower although Sora can apparently parkour his way up even without her help.

………In short, the places you can go are, again, very limited, and a lot of interesting places and scenes you never get to see.

And to follow the plot you still only need the stuff that does NOT happen in those Disney worlds because they’re all beach filler episodes. It’s always been like that, but I keep wondering whether I’m the only one bothered by that. I’m also still salty they didn’t introduce a single new world from a 2D animated movie.

Also, as I said, I miss Traverse Town, it felt so warm and welcoming and beautiful.

And I get behind The World that Never Was missing although I loved it there, but why not give us back Radiant Garden? Destiny Islands since they’ve been restored? Disney Castle?

As much as I love the series, it never fucking lives up to its own potential. Idk whether it’s made more difficult by copyright issues or whatever, I just know that it bugs me.The first two games also had like twice as many worlds.

PLOT

I mean it’s never been deep; however, it’s complicated. No analysis or whatever from me because plot analysis and meta writing bore me like seven hells, just my emotional reaction: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 
Okay, bad news. I got into it expecting nothing, and still got disappointed. I don’t actually enjoy the prospect of writing essays about it, but here’s my tea with it; in not particular order:

1) the pacing is terrible. Nothing happens for like 30 hours and then suddenly like 20 characters’ arcs are (naturally poorly) resolved within the last few hours of cutscenes. Build up anyone? At least they actually did pick up Maleficent and the box thing again. …In the epilogue.

2) Speaking of build ups, Sora’s breakdown could have been developed nicely and steadily over the game to feel natural, and instead it’s hinted at in the beginning by everyone picking on him, but then it’s never further developed and comes out of fucking nowhere. Like. For real? It felt terribly OOC.

3) Why on earth have they shown 90% of the plot in the trailers already, and why are those scenes so massively disappointing in context

4) Kairi. Oh god, Kairi. What are we gonna do with you. I want to love her, I really do, but she’s a prime example of shittily written female leads. Mostly because she’s not leading. It’s not her fault. She’s just a fictional character. But honest to God, Nomura, why. Her screen time is almost nonexistent, and she’s entirely use- and helpless whenever she’s on screen (which isn’t often). Her ONLY point in the plot is being rescued because she is fucking useless. Why. Just why. Why waste her character like that. All we know is that she’s shoehorned into being the token love interest, but she has zero plot relevance and there is even less build up of her relationship with Sora. It’s all tell and NEVER show; and not even much telling, either. She has literally zero direct interaction with in the entire game before they share their paopu. The question remains: why are straights like this

5) On a related note: look, I don’t even ask for (or expect, or even hope) my ship to be canon. Squeenix doesn’t exactly have a rich history in queer representation. I’m totally fine with Sora and Riku being best friends. BUT. Building up Sora as the most important person in Riku’s life (and arguably, vice versa) over the course of several games, just to then hardly have them interact in the finale and then SUDDENLY bring back Kairi into the equation, who hasn’t interacted with him since the ending of KH2 (except for one unsent(?) letter) is just piss poor writing, period.I actually love Cray’s suggestion she gave me over Discord: let Sora, Kairi and Riku all share a paopu together (and let them group hug, too, you cowards). It would have been the perfect message to send (Sora as truly all-loving hero, and loving all your friends equally; romantic love isn’t more important than platonic love and doesn’t need to be singled out). Really sad that this isn’t what happens. Apparently that wouldn’t have been no homo enough.

LET THE DESTINY TRIO GROUP HUG YOU COWARDS


Do Riku and Kairi even interact once in the whole game?


HOW IS THIS A TRIO, IT’S JUST A SHITTILY WRITTEN LOVE TRIANGLE

6) Time travelling is a bitch, Christ. It doesn’t solve plotholes or can be played for drama, it just adds MORE plotholes. It just got WORSE. The cloning blues and people not aging doesn’t help, either.

7) Just so you know, I care absolutely zero for wild fan theories. You’re not Nomura. I want a statement from the man who wrote this shit himself why on bloody earth Sora dies when he apparently successfully found and brought back Kairi (and since nobody aged a day, apparently it didn’t even take that long lol). DUDES, THIS IS KINDA PART OF THE PLOT, AND YOU DON’T BOTHER TO EXPLAIN IT INGAME???? And how was Ienzo/Zexion able to revive Naminé while Kairi was still missing/dead/whatever…?

Okay so in short the writing is worse than ever and that’s saying something.

However, let’s try to find something good in this trainwreck; it wasn’t all bad. There’s some really nice scenes which sadly are better enjoyed without any context at all.

So, guess my favourite scenes.You had time enough, here’s the solution:

1) Purifying uhm er rescuing Aqua. Poor girl. She deserves the rest. Poor, poor Aqua. The only properly wirrten female in the whole damn franchise. Also the only person other than Riku who fucking gets shit done.

2) The Gayblade (TM)

3) Happy Axel in the reunion with his kids. Oh god, the poor chap deserves it so much. Thank you, Nomura. I don’t care that it makes pretty much no sense. Make him happy. Give him his friends back. Just give Axel all his friends and let him happily set things on fire. Hi I love Axel

4) The party at the beach cutscene before the credits roll. Axel and Xion get clothes. Half the organization is on our side now. I almost teared up at the Wayfinder trio saying goodbye to Eraqus’ forceghost. Hey come on he’s the voice of Luke Skywalker

5) Sully yeeting Vanitas

6) Woody calling out Xehanort that nobody loves him

7) Jack Sparrow bad breathing Luxord

I wish we had gotten:

1) justice for Kairi

2) a happy Zexion, the poor emo kid. Well maybe now he will be, with all the orga members who changed sides now, lol.

3) I will never trust mobile games ever again so I don’t want to play KHUX but I would have loved to learn about the Keyblade Wars :;))))


WHAT WAS THE KEYBLADE WAR ABOUT CAN WE SPEND MORE TIME IN THAT COOL CITY IN THE SKY WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH MIKLEO
I MEAN THAT EPHEMER KIDDO


WHAT’S WITH THE MASKED DUDES AND DUDETTES FROM THE MOVIE


WTF WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM AFTER THE MOVIE???? WHERE THOSE KEYBLADE USER NAMES ACTUAL MOBILE GAME PLAYER NAMES??? Next game? PLEASE?

I really, REALLY hope the epilogue means we will get Xiggy/Luxu as our new big bad and we learn more about the five dudes and dudettes from the movie. Please. PLEASE. I’m so up for it. Them finally pickung up the bit with Maleficent and the mysterious box again? Hell yeah.

The secret movie was really unexciting in comparison, although I laughed very hard at the “Verum Rex” scene in Toy Story world. Maybe that’s why it was much cheaper to unlock than in KH1 and KH2.

4) give Ven a drink

DLC ideas I would actually pay for because I’m a sad human being: 1) more Disney worlds 2) Japanese audio 3) at least one of the following as permanently playable characters: Riku, Kairi, Axel, Ven, Aqua. At least as a guest member as in KH2. THIS SUCH A BIG STEP BACKWARDS I’M FUMING

FINAL THOUGHTS

Kingdom Hearts 3 is a hella lot of fun, beautiful, and also moving when it sets its mind to it. Unfortunately it doesn’t always do so. I don’t feel like it wasn’t worth the wait; it was. However, I’m very salty how rotten the writing is. I do not mind logical fallacies, I do not mind the cheesiness and cringeyness; however, I do mind how so many interesting characters do not get the screentime they deserve, and Kairi is a very bad joke.

I’ll probably find more to nitpick about (Gods. Just. Don’t come up with dub excuses why Sora is lv 1 in each game. JUST LEAVE IT BE. You don’t explain why Donald and Goofy are lv 1 again, either. JUST. LEAVE. IT. BE. The sacrifice was dumb and not even moving, I’m just still furious that Kairi’s ONLY point in the plot is being so useless that it’s literally getting herself KILLED and she needs constant rescuing to the point that Sora has to sacrifice himself for her, effectively. Kairi deserves better, Sora deserves better, I deserve better than to think about this absurdity.…I’m just… gonna cherry-pick the good bits from the lore and try to pretend the finale didn’t exist, I guess. GODS.

[nicnacsnonsense]

Character Arcs and Plot Progression in Moana

(Cross-posted on AO3)

Introduction

Moana is a good, solid movie. The animation is gorgeous, the characters are likable, and the songs are catchy and powerful (with one exception on those latter two, but apparently I’m in the minority on that opinion so we’ll just leave it at that). There are arguably a lot of clichés in it, but I don’t mind that, in theory. The ending was also really good and a fun flip on Disney current trend of twist villains.  

All that said, this is a good movie, but it’s not a great one. When I watched it for the first time I left the theater feeling the world of Moana was disappointingly small and the emotional beats were often lacking. I’ve thought about this a lot off and on over the years, and have decided a lot of this is down to problems with three things: the general plot progression, Maui’s character arc, and Moana’s character arc.

In this post I’m going to break down what I think the problem is with each of these things, and propose one way you might fix each specific problem. Upcoming will be a second post which will be a script doctor of the entire movie with alternate solutions to all three problems that come together in a cohesive whole.

Disorganized Plot

Our story begins with Tala, henceforth referred to as Grandma, telling the story of how Maui stole the heart of Te Fiti in an attempt to give humanity the power of creation, but instead destroyed Te Fiti and caused darkness to descend across all of the Polynesia. Whoops. Within these first few minutes the plot of the upcoming movie is pretty clearly defined. Our protagonist will have to traverse treacherous waters in order to restore the heart of Te Fiti and save us all from encroaching death. A solid straight-forward premise with a lot of potential.

We then spend a while on Motunui, establishing Moana’s character and why she specifically is going to be the one going on this adventure. Our inciting incident occurs when Grandma tells Moana to get Maui to restore the heart of Te Fiti, then passes away. Moana leaves then finds Maui very quickly and faces no real challenge in getting him to join her. That is, while Moana does nominally face obstacles, the only things she does herself is get out of a cave. The ocean solves all her other problems for her – it rescues her from the storm, deposits her on the island where Maui is, (and there’s no challenges to finding him once she’s there) and the ocean thwarts Maui’s attempts to steal Moana’s boat or to leave himself. Because of this lack of difficulty and because Maui is our secondary main character, this feels less like step one on the adventure and more like the last bit of set up before we begin the journey.

Next we have an encounter with the Kakamora, then Moana finally convincing Maui to commit to the returning the heart, a trip to Lalotai to get Maui’s fishhook, what I like to call the nighttime conversation of deep sharing, a montage of Maui learning to use his hook again and Moana learning wayfind, a failed attempt to restore the heart, Moana’s lowest point and then finding her resolve, and finally the successful returning of the heart before we fall into the denouement. If we take out the character beats, we’re left with what amounts to a random encounter, then a fetch quest, then two attempts at the final boss. While the trip to retrieve the fishhook is necessary to complete before restoring the heart, as Maui needs the powers of the hook to hold Te Kā off, it feels more like a side quest, though that may be at least in part due to the whole sequence with Tamatoa feeling like something out of a completely different movie altogether. Meanwhile the encounter with the Kakamora is pointless and achieves nothing really. It could have been useful in making the world feel bigger and in selling how dangerous things are now without Te Fiti and her heart if it was one of a few such encounters, but by itself it just feels out of place.

As one possible alternative, we could have Moana not have the heart when she sets out. Maybe the ocean showed it’s choosing of her a different way, or maybe she wasn’t chosen at all, she just sets out to do it because it needs doing. In this version Moana’s only objective is to find Maui to ask him to restore the heart. She finds Maui after overcoming some genuinely difficult obstacle on her own, and makes the ask. Maui agrees, and Moana’s like great, mission achieved! And Maui’s like yeah, sure, buuut I actually need you to take me to get my hook first. So they go to Lalotai and get the hook from Tamatoa. And Moana’s like great, now you can restore the heart! And Maui’s like totally, buuut we need to find the heart first, I don’t actually have it. So they journey to the area of the ocean where Maui thinks he dropped it and they manage to retrieve it after overcoming some obstacle. One possible idea there is for them to encounter an island covered with a profusion of plants, all way larger than normal, causing to think, yep, that’s probably where Te Fiti’s life-giving heart is; how fortunate it’s just being used by plants and not been found by a monster. Except it turns out in addition to growing large and plentiful, Te Fiti’s heart has also caused the plants to grow sentient, and they don’t want to give the heart up.  Moana and Maui successfully retrieve the heart, and at that point we can proceed to the confrontations with Te Kā more or less as per canon.

This plot progression allows our lead up to confronting Te Kā and restoring the heart to now become a series of finding x, then y, then z, then the final confrontation. Each thing Moana finds flows into needing to find the next thing, making the story more cohesive as a whole.

Additionally we can take our three major character beats that all take place between Lalotai and Te Fiti – the nighttime conversation of deep sharing, Maui relearning to use his hook, and Moana learning to wayfind – and spread them out between the plot beats. So we have Moana finds Maui and secures his help. Then on the way to Lalotai Maui teaches Moana about wayfinding. They get the hook back from Tamatoa, then on the way to the heart, Moana helps Maui to figure out how to use it again. Finally, as they are approaching Te Fiti, heart and hook in hand, they have a nighttime conversation of deep sharing. By spreading these out it should help build a feeling of distance between each location, making the journey seem longer and the world bigger.

Maui’s Vague Arc

Maui’s arc baffles me, in that I’m not sure what it’s even supposed to be. This I think comes back to what I mentioned earlier about not minding clichés in theory. The problem is with Maui it feels as though they decided on the cliché “disillusioned loner becomes a hero through the power of friendship” and then started applying story and character beats that went with that cliché without considering how those tropes would interact together or with the narrative. The result is a bit of a mess.

As mentioned before the movie opens with the story of Maui stealing the heart of Te Fiti. What’s weird about this is everything about the story, both in the way it’s told and in the way it’s visually presented frame Maui as the villain. This works fine on the first watch because even though even someone who lives in a cave still saw the Blu-ray box art and knows Maui is going to be a good guy, it’s plausible he wasn’t one at the time. On a rewatch though it’s weird to see Maui’s fairly menacing expressions during this story. Still, it can be argued this is Grandma telling the story to the best of her understanding, which is not necessarily a complete and accurate one, and the visuals merely reflect that. Okay, but that raises the issue of why Grandma would ever think asking Maui to restore the heart would be a good idea. In the scenario where Maui stole the heart to give to mankind, it makes sense to go to him and say, “Thanks for the thought, but this is working out pretty terribly for us, so we’d like you to return the heart.” But why would you approach someone who attempted to steal something for their personal benefit and give them that object and think they’ll go give it back to its rightful owner? How does that follow? But okay, we’ll go with it. Maybe Grandma is worried since Maui took the heart, he’s the only one who can put it back.

Moving forward, Moana arrives on Maui’s island and confronts him only for him to reveal, plot twist, he’s actually a hero who stole the heart not for himself, but for mankind. Except then we get an immediate plot twist back that Maui is a selfish jerk who leaves Moana to die in a cave, refuses to help her restore the heart, and then leaves her to be killed by the Kakamora. But twist back again, he really does want to be a hero to all and Moana is able to use that desire to get him to agree to restore the heart. But that doesn’t stop him from continually trying to get out of it, as though this is something Moana is forcing him to do rather than something she’s convinced him to do, and being extremely dismissive of and arguably flat-out mean to Moana.

The thing of it is there are a lot of different ways you could explain his behavior. Maybe he really does care about mankind and want to be a hero again, but he’s so afraid of Te Kā/convinced the heart is a genuine curse on him for stealing it that he can’t face this one particular task, and he’s lashing out at Moana for dragging him into it, despite deep down knowing she’s right. Maybe he wants to be a hero again because he wants the adulation of mankind, but he doesn’t actually care about people and feels this task is too much of a risk to be worth it. Maybe he’s only agreed because the ocean is basically refusing to give him a choice and he feels forced into it. Maybe he only agreed as a way of conning Moana into taking him to get his fishhook back, and he only decides he’s actually going to help with the Te Fiti thing after she saves him from Tamatoa. Any of these could work, but the movie pursues none of them, leaving his motivations unexplained and confusing.

Back to the plot, next they go to Lalotai and Maui gets his hook back, finds he can no longer use it effectively, and almost gets killed by Tamatoa, only to be saved by Moana’s quick thinking. There’s also a point in Tamatoa’s song where he references Maui having been abandoned in the past and brings attention to one of Maui’s tattoos. After they escape Lalotai, there’s a brief moment where Maui expresses a new found appreciation for Moana because she saved his life, but that character connection is immediately undercut by the humor of Maui’s hook continuing to malfunction.

Cut to later, and our nighttime conversation of deep sharing. Though it technically appears to be astronomical twilight as opposed to true night, but that’s less important than all the other ways this scene falls flat. The scene begins with Maui being despondent about his hook not working. Eventually he sits up with his back to Moana, prompting her to ask about his tattoo. We find out over the course of the ensuing argument that she believes the story behind the tattoo could explain why he can’t use his hook anymore. If they’re not really thinking about it, this can make sense to the audience. We were just shown this tattoo in a way that emphasizes to the us that this is important right after we were shown Maui’s inability to use his hook. In that context, Moana’s insistent questioning is justified – saving her dying island and presumably every island dying everywhere is more important than Maui’s reticence over talking about his personal issues.

But once you move past the framing and think about the logic of the situation, that assumption makes no sense. Why would this tattoo showing a woman chucking a baby into the ocean have anything to do with Maui’s hook? Why would you think any of his tattoos have anything to do with it? It’s been a thousand years since he’s had his hook; shouldn’t your base assumption be he’s out of practice and he just needs to keep at it until he can get back into the swing of things? In that context Moana’s questioning comes off as harassment. She asked him about something personal, he declined to answer and she kept asking and asking over repeated protests and even smacked him with her oar a couple times. Not hard, but she’s still hitting him. Eventually he grabs the oar away from her, throwing her into the ocean in the process.

When she gets back on the boat Moana reminds Maui of what’s at stake and says she only wants to help. Okay, fine Moana’s made this weird assumption, but given that her behavior is understandable, and it makes sense that her half-apology, half-explanation would placate Maui. What doesn’t make sense is why this would prompt Maui to explain the tattoo. Because while Moana might make a weird assumption, Maui should know the tattoo has nothing to do with his hook. It can’t, despite what the movie tries to imply, because that is something that happened when he was an infant, and he successfully used the hook for many years after it.

Maui tells her his backstory which is basically his parents threw him away, the gods gave him his fishhook and made him the demigod Maui, and then he went back to humans and started doing stuff for them, but it was never enough. What “it” was and who it wasn’t enough for is left undefined; best guess is that the adulation of humanity was never enough to give him a sense of real self-worth. Moana tells him essentially maybe the gods and the ocean chose him because they thought he was worth something and also self-worth comes from within not from gods or magic fishhooks. This comes off more as clichéd advice born of general sympathy than true friendship and deep empathy, which is not particularly emotionally satisfying, even if it does make sense as Moana doesn’t really know Maui that well and they aren’t friends at this point, or arguably ever.

Regardless, this encouragement is enough to give Maui renewed hope and he tries the hook again and everything goes perfectly. So he��s told he doesn’t need the hook and that’s the key to let him use it again. Apparently he was having performance issues, and he just needed to relax and let it happen naturally… One hopes that wasn’t the metaphor they were deliberately going for, but there it is.

After that we have the back to back learning montages, then the first confrontation with Te Kā, then Maui and Moana’s falling out where Maui leaves. I’ll come back to this scene later, but for now in specific reference to Maui’s character and his character and actions alone, it actually works well. His anger at Moana feels justified, and his psychological reliance on his hook has been established enough it feels believable that the possibility of losing it would cause him to leave.

Then he comes back and offers literally zero explanation as to why he did so. Not even a stupid joking one. He just kind of laughs awkwardly and goes to fight Te Kā. This would be fine if he had seemed conflicted when he left or if we had seen something in between leaving and coming back showing him reconsidering, but failing that there needs to be some indication of why he changed his mind. As it stands, the end of his character arc here falls flat because while his return indicates some sort of growth, we don’t know how he’s grown or what triggered that growth.

I have so many ideas of different ways you could take this character arc, probably because it’s so vague. That being said, since I’ve talked about this a lot already, I’ll stick to one fairly simple one here. You can keep everything the same except for two scenes, the one where he leaves and the one where he comes back.

The scene where he leaves would start the same, with him angry at Moana and blaming the damage to his hook on her and her need to prove she’s special. But in this version, she turns it back around on him. She’s not the one with the need to prove she’s special, she’s just trying to save her island. Maui’s the one who wants everyone to think he’s the hero of man, but a real hero would have tried to restore the heart of Te Fiti the second he realized what a mistake he’d made, not sat around in his cave and sulked for a millennium. He doesn’t care about humans, he just wants them to worship him to make up for his parents never loving him. Moana immediately realizes she went too far, but Maui leaves before she can apologize.

When Maui comes back she tells him she’s sorry, and he accepts it. He agrees that she crossed a line, but at the same time acknowledges she was mostly right about him. If he wants to be a hero, then he needs to start acting like one. Thank you, you’re welcome exchange, because that part is amazing and gives me shivers, then the rest of the movie as per canon.

Just these two adjustments fix so much. The inclusion of Maui’s backstory with his parents now feels necessary because it comes back later. Maui’s accusation that Moana risked their lives to feel special is no longer supported by the narrative – which is odd as it’s never a part of her character elsewhere – but called out as him projecting. His desire to be a hero contradicting with his actions and treatment of Moana is now a feature, not a bug. And finally his character arc is clearly defined as him starting as a fake hero only in it for the accolades to bolster his own sense of worth and growing to become a real hero in it to help people because he was inspired by Moana’s example.

Moana’s Disjointed Arc

Moana’s character arc is kind of bizarre. The opening establishes her central character conflict very well: she’s pulled between her responsibilities as the daughter of the village chief and next in line to lead – represented by the song “Where You Are” – and her own personal desire to voyage the ocean – represented by the song “How Far I’ll Go.” Then toward the end during her lowest moment, Grandma’s ghost shows up to comfort Moana, and Moana realizes these two disparate parts of herself can exist in harmony and together they make up who she is – represented by the song “I Am Moana” which is reprise of both “Where You Are” and “How Far I’ll Go.” It’s very moving and bringing those two songs back is very powerful, except…

Except there is nothing related to this character arc between those key points. Ultimately it’s less of a character arc and more of a pair of character pillars with nothing connecting them. The reason we don’t see any of this struggle during the middle part of the movie is it is fundamentally incompatible with plot as they have it. Moana’s character conflict is between her duty to her people and her love of the ocean, and the plot is her saving her people by going on an ocean adventure. There is no conflict there. The conflict was resolved the moment Grandma gave her the heart of Te Fiti and told her to restore it.

This causes a problem toward the end, because when there is no conflict, then the only way to cause her to hit that low moment and give up is by making her feel like she failed, but that’s doesn’t give us the veneer of crisis of self we need to justify the next song and to make it feel as though her arc has been completed. So the movie throws this conflict at us where when Maui leaves he tells Moana the ocean was wrong to choose her, and this apparently breaks her and makes her give up. Except, Moana never seems particularly concerned about the whole “Chosen One” aspect. Maui harps on it much more than she does. She’s here because she wants to save her people. During their nighttime conversation of deep sharing Moana explicitly says, “I don’t know why the ocean chose me. You’re right. But my island is dying, so I am here.”

As a side note to that, the whole idea of Moana being chosen is a little weird, because throughout most of the movie everyone seems convinced Maui is going to be the one to actually restore the heart. This means what Moana was chosen to do was to take Maui to Te Fiti. Maybe it’s just me, but water taxi doesn’t feel like a job that requires a chosen one.

If we want to keep this same character arc, then we’re going to need to make some changes to the plot. We’re going to really embrace the rebellious princess cliché. In this version Moana feels a lot of pressure at the idea of becoming the next chief of the village, compounded by her certainty she won’t be able to live up to her father’s example and also by the unexplained blight that has recently began destroying their crops and killing off the fish. Sailing is her one escape from everything. Moana gets older, the blight gets worse, and the pressure continues to grow. Grandma dies, and that’s the final straw – Moana straight-up runs away. No noble intentions, no heart of Te Fiti – at this point Moana’ doesn’t even know the heart’s been stolen – Moana just can’t take it anymore and leaves.

Soon after leaving she runs into Maui and, being a big fan of his from all the stories of the cool things he’s done, asks if she can voyage with him. He agrees to let her join him on his quest, but remains vague about the exact nature of it at first. They voyage together for a while and overcome a number of obstacles. Said obstacles can be things Maui says need to do to move their as of yet undefined quest forward or they can be random encounters like the Kakamora are in canon. Finally, during their nighttime conversation of deep sharing, Maui tells her the story of how he tried to give humanity the gift of creation by stealing the heart of Te Fiti and how he seriously firetrucked that up big time. He’s spent a long time running away from his mistake, but now he’s going to own up to his responsibilities. He gives Moana an out before their confrontation with Te Kā because of how dangerous it will be, but Moana reaffirms her intention to help.

They face off against Te Kā, and Moana nearly dies. She freaks out because this is way beyond what she wanted. She wanted to explore and have adventures, not face a real and imminent threat of death. She doesn’t want to do this anymore, so Maui leaves to try again on his own. Moana descends into an existential crisis: being a voyager is not what she thought it’d be and her guilt over abandoning Maui brings back the guilt over abandoning her people she’d been suppressing. Stingray Grandma shows up to comfort her, and makes the revelation the blight on Motunui is being caused by Te Fiti’s lost heart. Moana realizes that abandoning her people, though wrong, is what brought her to where she was meant to be to save them. These two sides of herself come together because she can fulfill her duty to her people by being herself and she can face the dangers on her chosen path if it’s to help her people. She heads back to Te Kā and Maui, and this time she’s the one who enters the battle at the pivotal moment to turn the tide. The rest again goes more or less per canon.

This way there is genuine conflict between Moana’s people and her love of the sea until the moment of resolution at the end. Further, Moana’s lowest moment is now caused by an actual existential crisis, not just a lack of confidence in her ability to do the task, so it makes sense it would be resolved with a realization of self. And as a bonus you can still use the song “I Am Moana” without changing it all, because if anything I feel it fits this version of the story even better than canon.

Conclusion

I just want to close out with two quick reminders. First of all, despite my complaining I do think this was a good movie, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves the classic Disney animated movies. Secondly I do plan to write another script doctor for this movie this time addressing all three of these issues I found in different ways than I have above and in a ways that work together cohesively.  Finally, if you have thoughts on this, if you agree with me, if you disagree, if you have an idea that I didn’t consider here, I would love to hear it and discuss it!

Next part is here.

[susandsnell]

whaaat Hadestown sounds awesome!!! i’ll definitely check both those out but it sounds like Hadestown is like, the style of my dreams. also anything that starts as a folk opera is awesome bc i love the concept of a folk opera. follow up: i’ve seen some things about Be More Chill and somehow missed its jump to Broadway? what’s it about?

Sorry I took a day to get back to you, musical anon, but I just had to write my penultimate final first thing this morning! Hadestown is the style of everyone’s dreams, and I really hope you like it when you do check it out. It’s incredibly unique. 

As to your second query, permit me to have some obnoxious gif usage because life is short and I am now permanently on my bullshit. And, well. You just asked me, Coco, about Be More Chill.

WELCOME TO HELL. YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE NOW. 

(Festive, right?) 

So! 

Be More Chill is a very loose adaptation of a (vastly different and quite offensive) 2004 novel by the same name. It did the work of my dreams, which is combine my two favourite genres, science fiction and musical theatre, in a big way, while also stealth being a narrative about mental health, recovery, friendship, love, and sexy computers.  Also, the songs are absolute bops and the music style is contemporary but still unmistakably Broadway. It’s also openly inspired by Little Shop of Horrors (while also being very much in the vein of other wacky, culty musicals like Reefer Madness, a bit of Rocky Horror thrown in, etc), which is a major plus. 

It’s a darkly hilarious, sci-fi-horror-teen drama-romance-musical, in short. 

In long??? A little gist: 

So, our leading man, Jeremy Heere, is a (canonically Jewish! Canonically Jewish! CANONICALLY JEWISH!!!) typical high school geeky outcast who struggles with severe anxiety, self hatred, and a vast panoply of other issues. He’s badly bullied, only has one friend, Michael Mell, who is quite literally the savior of the universe, and crushes on the local theatre kid (and a literal queen), Christine Canigula. In an effort to impress her, he takes the advice of the local bully, Rich, and buys a pill from the back of a Payless shoe store called a SQUIP (short for Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor), which, if ingested and activated by Mountain Dew (just go with it I promise it’s worth it), installs a computer chip in his brain that can manifest the illusion only he can see of a personification that is an intensely attractive person (has been cast as multiple genders depending on the production!!!) who will instruct him on what the right thing to do or say is so that he can overcome his perceived social and personal failings, and improve himself, and maybe get the girl. 

Of course, this thing goes evil, and absolute epic mayhem ensues. 

Where do I even start with what I love about this musical? 

The characters are incredibly true to life; literally nobody is who they seem to be in terms of typical high school, sci fi, or even theatre tropes. which is part of the ultimate message (and I love that!!!) Jeremy’s narrative is very much a subversion of the typical entitled-nerd-boy-goes-wild-trying-to-get-the-girl, because his actions and mistakes are steeped very much in long lasting mental health struggles (he literally mentions having to go to the nurse constantly due to his anxiety attacks), as well as a heartrendingly realistic and depressing home life, and the show is very clear about this, pulling no punches. He’s flawed, he’s sweet, he’s funny, he’s tragic, he’s redemptive, he’s just…wonderful. 

Michael, who in any other show would be ‘the goofy best friend’ character and that’s it gets an incredible arc showing his brilliance, and his own inner demons, including the big showstopper Michael In The Bathroom, which is famous not only for being an incredible song, but because it goes there; it depicts the entirety of a severe panic attack in gut-wrenching detail. All set to awesome music, of course. His depth is revealed in that the otherwise cheerful, happy-go-lucky best friend character whose life seems to revolve around the protagonist’s brought to the logical conclusion of this archetype; extreme codependency and other mental health struggles. This is by no means all that he is – I’d explain why, and what an incredible, positive, heroic character he is, but I won’t dare spoil where his arc ends up going. 

Christine Canigula, our leading lady, is a badass feminist and so much more than a perky theatre kid; she’s shown to struggle much in the same ways Jeremy and Michael do, she’s politically involved and dedicated, while still being desperately uncertain about what to do with her life, her entire character is dedicated to subverting expectations (all her big numbers end with a subverted rhyme to prove this!!), she’s developed so much more than other love interest characters, and is in so many ways so much more than a love interest. She’s fiercely intelligent, but tempted to take the easy route to popularity in different ways than Jeremy, while being more inclined to being true to herself, and her autonomy drives the plot. She’s also canonically a woc who has ADHD and she’s a gun control advocate. Like??? When will your faves ever?  Her romance is believable and wonderful and driven by what she wants and her arc, while subtle, is integral to the plot. 

I could do a paragraph for each character (and if you’re on my blog, I’ll probably get around to writing meta for each of them), but the popular kids, the bullies, even the apparently useless parent character…none of them are what they seem. As for the SQUIP, I don’t dare reveal the awesomeness of that particular villain, except to say that it’s a metaphor for…a number of things, while incredibly enthralling, and The Pitiful Children, the big villain song, is honestly up there with any of your Disney villains for a truly epic sci-fi experience. It’s a completely irredeemable villain whose appeal lies in its irredeemability, especially fascinating because it’s a machine, and hence gains no sadistic pleasure from it’s evildoing; it merely seeks results, which is just chilling. 

The cast is incredibly diverse, and there is a TON of LGBT+ representation, including Michael having lesbian mothers, a completely non-stereotyped bisexual male character who ACTUALLY CALLS HIMSELF BISEXUAL OUT LOUD, and who is arguably the most tragic character in the show, but that tragedy is separate almost entirely from his orientation, and more. 

While being lighthearted sci-fi fare, it deals pretty straightforwardly with a number of heavy topics, such as mental illness, suicidal ideation, extreme loneliness, self-hatred, isolation,  trauma, abuse, sexual orientation, dysfunctional families, dysfunctional friendships, existential crises, near-death experiences, brainwashing, addiction, bullying, torture (of the sci-fi variety but still pretty damn hard to watch), and even (albeit briefly, but it still bears mention) male sexual assault, and handles all of them exceptionally well, never overdoing it on any of them (they’re interwoven and sometimes entirely subtextual to the plot) but also being honest enough about the fact that some of our darkest moments include incredibly dark comedy, all while never making light of these serious issues. That being said, consider this the trigger warning paragraph if any of that’s a limit for you! They’re so wonderfully balanced by a narrative of healing and forgiveness and loyalty and love that it makes the story all the stronger; seeing everyone facing these awful things, and being able to overcome them together. 

It’s also the type of sci-fi that I love; the kind that, like Back to the Future, Weird Science, and Stranger Things embraces a retro aesthetic, and is a smaller, singular fantastical/sci-fi element contained in a setting that is otherwise very recognizable to our world; the kind of adventures you feel like you could have between your own classes. The sci-fi effects and costumes are incredible, especially in Act 2. 

AND, and and and, It’s an underdog story within an underdog story; it opened in a regional theatre in Jersey for a limited run in 2015 and closed very quickly, and everyone assumed it would never be picked up again, but in Winter 2017, it blew up by sheer word of mouth due to a combination of the original cast album being on Spotify and the popularity of certain amateur productions since it got licenced; eventually, it got a 2017 regional theatre revival at Exit 82, and that sparked an online fandom so strong that the show got a second chance with an off-Broadway run that happened this past summer, which in turn got so successful that the show is transferring to Broadway. All the way from a seemingly failed regional limited run, with most of the original cast (who are darlings, as are the creators, incredibly empathetic people bringing this wonderful, weird, warm story to the forefront). And who doesn’t love the meta of the show itself being an underdog when the cast is entirely of underdogs?

Just. Please. Do yourself a favour and check it out. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll cheer.  I heard about it only peripherally since around mid-2017 ish and then only really got into it this past May/June, and….gosh. My life’s gotten so much better since. I’ve met dear friends through the fandom, dragged other dear friends into this glorious pit, and the show, as a narrative of healing, is helping to heal me, too. 

Possibly a new all-time favourite. 

[jaycross666]

It’s been nearly ten years since Lil Wayne, on Birdman’s 2009 hit, “Money to Blow,” implored listeners not to worry about Cash Money’s future because the label would be all right as long as they “put Drake on every hook.”

Since then, Drake’s earned the right to be mentioned in the same breath as Rap’s Greatest Scene-Stealers ever—Busta Rhymes, André 3000, and Lil Wayne—as he’s swiped dozens of songs out from under artists on the strength of show-stopping guest verses.

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Even more, a Drake feature practically guarantees you a hit: over the past decade, he’s guested on seven No. 1 singles on Billboard’s Hot Rap Songs chart (“No Lie,” “Moment 4 Life,” “Right Above It,” “Aston Martin Music,” “I’m On One,” “Say Something,” and “Only”), and 13 Top 10 hits on the Hot 100 (“Work,” “What's My Name,” “She Will,” “MIA,” “Look Alive,” “No Guidance,” “Going Bad,” “Yes Indeed,” “Right Above It,” “F***** Problem,” “Love Me,” “I’m On One,” and “Walk It Talk It”).

With his status as hip-hop’s Feature King unchallenged, here are Drake’s 50 best guest verses.

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But first, a couple of notes before we begin:

We’ve omitted songs where Drake only sings the hook: Rick Ross’ “Diced Pineapples” and “Aston Martin Music”; Lil Wayne’s “She Will,” “Love Me,” and “With You”; Gucci Mane’s “Back on Road”; Tyga’s “Still Got It.”

Also ineligible are remixes that double as Drake freestyles: “We Made It,” “Paris Morton Music,” “Sweeterman,” “Tell Your Friends,” and “Freak N You.”

Without further ado...

50. Nicki Minaj — “Champion” ft. Drake, Nas & Young Jeezy

Album: Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded (2012)Producer: T-Minus, Nikhil Seetharam

Two years before he was having tea with Erykah Badu on 2014 loosie “Days In the East,” Drizzy mentions that he used to stay with her in his verse on “Champion.” And while Jeezy might steal the show with his appearance, Drake delivers the more confident verse, reflecting on how he makes “hits in three acre cribs” and “stars outta basic bitches.”

49. PartyNextDoor — “Recognize” ft. Drake

Album: PartyNextDoor Two (2014)Producer: PartyNextDoor

This is Peak Drake: In the span of two bars, he plans trips to Europe, then remembers his side piece’s Benz needs snow-equipped tires.

48. Preme — “DnF” ft. Drake & Future

Album: Dear America (2014)Producer: Noel Cadastre & Noah “40” Shebib

You’d be remiss to bring up this verse around lyrical heads, but admit it: Drake’s performance on “DnF” is unbelievably catchy. Even more, it contains one of the best Sad Boy Drake sequences in his catalog.

47. Big Sean — “Made” ft. Drake

Album: Finally Famous... Vol. 3: BIG (2010)Producer: Kanye West

In the summer of 2010, Big Sean should’ve known better than to request a feature from the Rap Rookie of the Year. Predictably, his decision backfired: Drake not only washed the Detroit rapper on his own song (“Made”), but arguably had the best overall verse on the entire mixtape. I wish I could say Sean learned his lesson, but considering what took place three summers later (Kendrick’s guest spot on “Control”), we both know the answer.

46. Rick Ross — “Gold Roses” ft. Drake

Album: Port of Miami 2 (2019)Producer: OZ, Syk Sense, Vinylz, & The Rascals

Writing about the song in his review of Port of Miami 2, my friend Yoh said it best: “Drake has one of the most seamless deliveries in hip-hop. The words don’t have any weight, and his voice never fumbles the cadence. He steps into a particular zone. As a lyricist and performer, Drake must be considered a great rapper. The blasphemy line. The double-jointed line, too. Scorpion needed ‘Gold Roses’ more than Port of Miami 2.”

45. French Montana — “No Shopping” ft. Drake

Album: MC4 (2016)Producer: Murda Beatz, Cubeatz

Congrats to Joe Budden for turning a one-sided war against Drake into the most unnecessary rap beef in recent memory. In the summer of 2016, their feud culminated in Drake sending multiple shots at Budden on French Montana’s “No Shopping.” In hindsight, these barbs overshadow Drizzy’s superb verse, which has earned its place in the canon of underrated Drake guest spots.

44. Bun B — “Put It Down” ft. Drake

Album: Trill OG (2010)Producer: Boi-1da, D10

Nine years on, Drake’s verse on Bun B’s “Put It Down” has aged like fine wine. Following a couple of cringy lines early on (“I never cheat unless you count the girls I cheat on;” “Homesick just when I thought I was sick of home”), Drake finds his sweet spot and begins rapping like the superstar he’d soon become.

43. Meek Mill — “Going Bad” ft. Drake

Album: Championships (2018)Producer: Wheezy

Drake’s 2018 guest-appearance blitz will go down as one of the best in his career. After owning the winter with “Look Alive” and “Walk It Talk It,” the summer with “Yes Indeed” and “SICKO MODE,” and the fall with “Never Recover” and “MIA,” Drake still had enough left in the tank to supply his former rival, Meek Mill, with one of his best verses of the year on their reunion collaboration, “Going Bad.”

42. Jamie Foxx — “Fall For Your Type” ft. Drake

Album: Best Night of My Life (2010)Producer: Noah “40” Shebib, Rico Love, & Drake

After spending 2010 singing hooks for A-list rappers like Birdman (“Money to Blow”), Lil Wayne (“With You”), and Rick Ross (“Aston Martin Music”), Drake capped off the year by flexing his versatility alongside an A-list R&B star. On Jamie Foxx’s “Fall For Your Type,” Drake’s closing verse introduced fans to the off-script, sing-song style he’s now known to implement when rapping over R&B beats.

41. Rihanna — “What’s My Name?” ft. Drake

Album: Loud (2010)Producer: StarGate, Kuk Harrell

“Best I Ever Had” and “Find Your Love” may have been the first tracks that showcased Drake’s mainstream popularity, but his guest spot on Rihanna’s No. 1 hit, “What’s My Name,” proved he could be a pop-star in his own right.

40. T.I. — “Poppin Bottles” ft. Drake

Album: No Mercy (2010)Producer: T-Minus, Nikhil Seetharam

On the No Mercy standout, Drake makes up for a lack of lyrics with a devastating flow, cementing his swag-soaked performance as one of the first iconic club bangers of his career.

39. Timbaland — “Know Bout Me” ft. Drake & JAY-Z

Album: Opera Noir (2013)Producer: Timbaland & J-Roc

Timbaland’s “Know Bout Me” could’ve been another stellar collaboration between JAY-Z and Drake. Instead, Jigga merely spoke 16 words on the intro, “We gotta sell these bitches the dream, my n***a. N****s like Walt Disney around this bitch.” Thankfully, Drake made up for his counterpart’s no-show and went in with a double-time delivery on the second verse.

38. The Game — “Good Girls Go Bad” ft. Drake

Album: The R.E.D. Album (2011)Producer: Cool & Dre

Despite being one of the cornier verses in his catalog, you’d be hard pressed to find another Drake guest spot as funny as his appearance on Game’s “Good Girls Go Bad.” The 16-bar verse is filled with hilarious quotables, from the opening lines (“Good evening, I’m in Chicago at the Elysian / With some girls that say they models but ummm, I don’t believe ‘em”) to his use of childhood TV references as pickup lines, to the way in which he tosses aside a former flame in brutally honest fashion.

37. Waka Flocka Flame — “Round of Applause” ft. Drake

Album: Triple F Life: Friends, Fans & Family (2012)Producer: Lex Luger

Following his sympathetic verse about strippers on The Weeknd’s “The Zone,” Drake pivoted on Waka Flocka’s strip club anthem, “Round of Applause,” delivering the most malicious stripper tribute of his career. Backed by Lex Luger’s pulsating beat, Drizzy leaves his feelings at the door.

36. SBTRKT — “Wildfire (OVO Remix)” ft. Drake

Album: N/A (2011)Producer: Jerome

On May 20, 2011, Drake posted a remix of SBTRKT’s “Wildfire” to his OVO blog. The track was quickly erased from our minds, however, when “Dreams Money Can Buy” arrived hours later. Eight years on, you won’t find many people who’re familiar with Drake’s verse on “Wildfire,” let alone aware of its greatness. This lack of recognition, though, is exactly what makes it such a rewarding listen.

35. Nicki Minaj — “Only” ft. Drake, Lil Wayne & Chris Brown

Album: The Pinkprint (2014)Producer: Dr. Luke, Cirkut & JMIKE

Is it the strongest song by Young Money’s three-headed monster? Not a chance. But that doesn’t mean it’s not an entertaining listen, especially Drake’s verse, which is perhaps the funniest guest spot in his discography.

34. YG — “Who Do You Love?” ft. Drake

Album: My Krazy Life (2014)Producer: Mustard

As someone who loves to ride the latest wave, Drake had no choice but to link up with 2014’s hottest rapper-producer duo, YG and Mustard, on the former’s hit single, “Who Do You Love?” After lacing the Bompton rapper with an excellent guest spot, though, Drizzy was forced to settle a dispute with Rappin’ 4-Tay, who called him out for biting his 1994 song, “Playaz Club.”

33. The Weeknd — “Live For” ft. Drake

Album: Kiss Land (2013)Producer: The Weeknd, DaHeala & DannyBoyStyles

Nearly a year after linking up on Thursday standout “The Zone,” Abel and Aubrey joined forces for “Live For,” the fourth single from The Weeknd’s debut studio album, Kiss Land. Released in August 2013, a few weeks before the release of Nothing Was the Same, the sprawling cut found Drake assessing the competition.

32. Fetty Wap — “My Way (Remix)” ft. Drake

Album: N/A (2015)Producer: NickEBeats, JayFrance & Micah Street

If you’re still not convinced of the power of the Drake co-sign: With this remix, Fetty became the first rapper to have his first four debut singles chart in the top 10 on the Hot Rap Songs chart simultaneously: "Trap Queen" (No. 2), "My Way" (No. 3), "679" (No. 5), and "Again" (No. 8).

31. DJ Drama — “We in This Bitch 1.5” ft. Drake & Future

Album: Quality Street Music (2012)Producer: Kane Beatz & JMIKE

Occasionally, Drake is capable of stealing a song on the strength of his charisma. DJ Drama’s “We In This Bitch 1.5” is one of those rare instances, as Drizzy needs just one minute to set the tone and hijack the song, with a lively opening sequence.

30. The Weeknd — “The Zone” ft. Drake

Album: Thursday (2011)Producer: Doc McKinney & Illangelo

The first collaboration between The Weeknd and Drake on one of Abel’s projects, “The Zone” lived up to the potential the duo displayed on Take Care standouts “Crew Love” and “The Ride.” “The Zone” sees The Weeknd set the stage for Drake’s big entrance. From there, Drizzy offers up the most gentle verse about a strip club ever laid to wax.

29. Lil Wayne — “It’s Good” ft. Drake & Jadakiss”

Album: Tha Carter IV (2011)Producer: Cool & Dre

This song is remembered for Lil Wayne’s subliminal shot at JAY-Z, but Drake has the best verse on the collab. The Boy’s appearance is a short one, but it hooks you immediately, before it ends with him announcing Wayne’s return home in triumphant fashion.

28. Mary J. Blige — “Mr. Wrong” ft. Drake

Album: My Life II… The Journey Continues (Act 1) (2011)Producer: Jim Jonsin & Rico Love

It’s easy to forget from 2009 to 2011, Drake was the Best R&B Guest Rapper Alive, scoring features with everyone from legends Mary J. Blige (“The One”), Alicia Keys (“Un-thinkable (I’m Ready)”), and Jamie Foxx (“Digital Girl,” “Fall For Your Type”), to present-day superstars like Chris Brown (“Deuces (Remix)”), Sean Garrett (“Feel Love”), and Trey Songz (“I Invented Sex,” “Unusual”). His second collab with the Queen, “Mr. Wrong,” remains his most underrated R&B feature to date.

27. Fabolous — “Throw It In the Bag (Remix)” ft. Drake & The-Dream

Album: N/A (2009)Producer: Tricky Stewart & The-Dream

Long before he’d declare his intent to give Halle Berry a baby on 2013’s “Versace (Remix),” Drake professed his love for older women on the remix to Fabulous’ 2009 hit single, “Throw It In the Bag.”

26. Travis Scott — “SICKO MODE” ft. Drake & Swae Lee

Album: Astroworld (2018)Producer: Hit-Boy, OZ, Tay Keith, Cubeatz, Chahayed & Mike Dean

If Drake was properly credited, there’s a good chance “SICKO MODE” would rank inside the top 10. Not that it matters much, considering his opening and closing verses are arguably the highlights of the ASTROWORLD standout.

25. Aaliyah — “Enough Said” ft. Drake

Album: N/A (2012)Producer: Noah “40” Shebib

In order to appreciate the overlooked greatness of this 2012 loosie, let’s ignore the fact that Drake is listed as the featured artist on an OVO-sanctioned, posthumous Aaliyah single. Backed by 40’s smoky, after-hours R&B production and the late singer’s silky falsetto, Drizzy unleashes one of his classic confessionals.

24. Game — “100” ft. Drake

Album: The Documentary 2 (2015)Producer: Cardo & Juliano

Twenty-six days before Meek Mill would kick-off the biggest rap beef this decade, Drake was already on the defensive. When listening to his verse on “100,” you don’t have to read between the lines. He sounds exhausted while reflecting on his position atop hip-hop, and the incessant threats that come with it. And yet, Drizzy still appears unfazed, too busy making his circle smaller to concern himself with opposing forces on the horizon.

23. A$AP Rocky — “F**kin’ Problems” ft. Drake, Kendrick Lamar & 2 Chainz

Album: Long.Live.ASAP (2013)Producer: Noah “40” Shebib

Released in October 2012, “Problems” wasn’t just the year’s most star-studded posse cut, but also a changing of the guard moment for hip-hop. At the time, Rocky was two months away from dropping his debut album; 2 Chainz and Kendrick were fresh off releasing theirs. And then, of course, you had Drake, who was just hitting his prime. While it’s debatable which rapper had the best verse, there’s no denying Drizzy came off as the biggest star of the bunch.

22. Lil Reese — “Us (Remix)” ft. Drake & Rick Ross

Album: N/A (2012)Producer: Young Chop

By the fall of 2012, Drake was amidst a flawless streak of guest spots: Rick Ross’ “Stay Schemin’,” DJ Drama’s “We In This Bitch 1.5,” Nicki Minaj’s “Champion,” 2 Chainz’s “No Lie,” French Montana’s “Pop That,” Meek Mill’s “Amen,” Aaliyah’s “Enough Said.” As if that wasn’t already one of the greatest runs by a featured rapper, Drizzy made sure to earn more street cred points that October, when he hopped on to the remix to Lil Reese’s “Us”.

21. Birdman — “Money to Blow” ft. Drake & Lil Wayne

Album: Priceless (2009)Producer: Drumma Boy

Fresh off a summer in which he catapulted to superstardom on the back of a handful of hit singles (“Best I Ever Had,” "Successful,” “Forever”), Drake proved he possessed the Midas touch on the fall 2009 anthem, “Money to Blow,” which, of course, is remembered for Lil Wayne’s prophetic line: “We gon’ be alright if we put Drake on every hook.”

20. Tinashe — “2 On (Remix)” ft. Drake & OB O’Brien

Album: N/A (2014)Producer: Mustard, Redwine & DJ Marley Waters

Drake ran the rap game in 2014 solely on the strength of one-off singles. Take a moment and look at this murderer’s row of hits he released between December 2013 and October 2014: “0 to 100/The Catch Up,” “Tuesday,” “Draft Day,” “Trophies,” “Wade Made It,” “Days in the East,” “How Bout Now,” “6 God,” and “Heat of the Moment.” I mean, good God. Perhaps the greatest testament to Drake’s unbelievable run that year is that “2 On/Thotful” is probably the eighth best song in the group.

19. ILOVEMAKONNEN — “Tuesday” ft. Drake

Album: ILoveMakonnen (2014)Producer: Sonny Digital & Metro Boomin

Built around Sonny Digital and Metro Boomin’s syrupy beat and iLoveMakonnen’s Auto-Tune-enhanced vocals, “Tuesday” provided Drake an opportunity to step out of his comfort zone. By delivering perhaps the best vocal performance he’s ever laid to wax, Drake helped “Tuesday” go viral, which in turn, minted Makonnen a star and gave the most boring day of the week new meaning.

18. Kendrick Lamar — “Poetic Justice” ft. Drake

Album: good kid, m.A.A.d city (2012)Producer: Scoop DeVille

The Kendrick Washed Drake on Take Care camp (via his scene-stealing guest spot on “Buried Alive Interlude”) seem to have forgotten that The Boy returned the favor on Kendrick’s debut album, good kid, m.A.A.D city. Drake’s appearance on “Poetic Justice” might not jump out at you, but when stacked against either of Kendrick’s verses on the song, it’s obvious who comes out on top.

17. Nicki Minaj — “Moment 4 Life” ft. Drake

Album: Pink Friday (2010)Producer: T-Minus

“This supposed to be y’all year? We ain’t get the memo,” Drake raps on “Moment 4 Life,” a highlight from Nicki Minaj’s debut album, Pink Friday. At the time, you couldn’t blame Young Money’s roster for feeling themselves. In the fall of 2010, the label boasted the Best Rapper Alive, Lil Wayne, along with the Rap co-Rookies of the Year, Drizzy and Nicki, both of which released their debuts within five months of one another.

16. Alicia Keys — “Un-thinkable (I’m Ready) (Remix)” ft. Drake

Album: N/A (2010)Producer: Alicia Keys, Kenny Brothers Jr. & Noah “40” Shebib

For someone who, in recent years, has been clowned for their immaturity and inability to grow as an artist, it’s easy to forget that there was a time when Drake seemed wise beyond his years. This verse is enough of a reminder, as a 23-year-old Drizzy voices his inner fears about partying too much and not finding the right woman.

15. Lil Wayne — “Believe Me” ft. Drake

Album: N/A (2014)Producer: Vinylz & Boi-1da

Five years after Lil Wayne told listeners, on “Money to Blow,” not to worry about Cash Money’s future because the label would be alright as long as they "put Drake on every hook,” Drake continued his mentor’s prophetic claims on “Believe Me.” From the jump, Drizzy assumes the role of host to the welcome-back party, rolling out the red carpet for his Big Homie, with one of his best guest spots this decade.

14. Big Sean — “Blessings” ft. Drake

Album: Dark Sky Paradise (2015)Producer: Vinylz & Allen Ritter

Big Sean dropped “Blessings” on January 30, 2015, exactly two weeks before Drake would surprise-release If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late. In hindsight, his verse here gives us a taste of the subject matter he’d visit on IYRTITL: Feuding with YMCMB over unpaid royalties, worrying about his mother, throwing shade at the press, and, of course, repping the 6.

13. Lil Wayne — “Right Above It” ft. Drake

Album: I Am Not a Human Being (2010)Producer: Kane Beatz

If I Am Not a Human Being was Lil’ Wayne’s pre-prison curtain-call, then “Right Above It” was his victory lap. Backed by triumphant production courtesy of Kane Beatz, Drake, the Rap Rookie of the Year, delivered a career-defining guest verse that marks the moment the torch was passed between the Young Money President and his protégé.

12. BlocBoy JB — “Look Alive” ft. Drake

Album: Simi (2018)Producer: Tay Keith

Considering that the best part of Drake’s guest appearance on “Look Alive” is the infectious hook, you could argue that his eight-bar verse doesn’t deserve to be ranked this high. In this case, however, Drake does such an excellent job blending the hook and his first verse together, that you have no choice but to consider them one and the same.

11. 2 Chainz — “Big Amount” ft. Drake

Album: Daniel Son; Necklace Son (2016)Producer: Buddah Bless

On “Big Amount,” Drake raps circles around 2 Chainz without even breaking a sweat. His verse is so effortlessly executed that it’s easy to miss how casually arrogant it actually is. And yet, once his calm, cool and collected delivery wins you over, don’t be surprised if you find yourself admiring each arrogant boast.

10. Meek Mill — “Amen” ft. Drake

Album: Dreamchasers 2 (2012)Producer: Key Wane & Jahlil Beats

Backed by a gospel-clapping, organ-laced piano loop, there’s no denying fans were shocked to hear Meek rap over a beat so far out of his wheelhouse, so effortlessly. In an alternate universe, we might remember “Amen” for Meek’s jubilant hook. Unfortunately for Meek stans, though, The Boy showed up and stole the song while operating on cruise control.

9. 2 Chainz — “No Lie” ft. Drake

Album: Based on a T.R.U. Story (2012)Producer: Mike Will Made It

Fresh off his show-stopping guest spots on Kanye West’s “Mercy” and Nicki Minaj’s “Beez In the Trap,” 2 Chainz entered the summer of 2012 as the hottest feature in hip-hop. Then, in an admirable move in the spirit of competition, Drake reclaimed the title by dusting Tity Boi on the Atlanta rapper’s debut single, “No Lie.” Thanks to his contagious hook and instantly-quotable verse, the banger was inescapable that summer.

8. Rick Ross — “Made Men” ft. Drake

Album: Ashes to Ashes (2010)Producer: 2 Tall Beats

After spending the fall of 2010 handing out guest verses to R&B singers such as Jamie Foxx (“Fall For Your Type”), Tank (“Celebration”), Rihanna (“What’s My Name”), and Trey Songz (“The Usual”), Drake needed to raise his street cred. So, that December, he hopped on one of the hardest beats he’d ever come across, then proceeded to murder the hardest rapper alive, Rick Ross, on his own shit.

7. PARTYNEXTDOOR — “Over Here” ft. Drake

Album: PartyNextDoor (2013)Producer: PartyNextDoor

The most underrated verse of Drake’s career is a victim of circumstance. Released the same day as “Versace (Remix)”—only one of the two or three best guest verses in his catalog—“Over Here” remains criminally overlooked in the canon of Drizzy features. Backed by a murky beat courtesy of PND and 40, Drake’s double time verse makes you feel like you’re sitting shotgun in his Bugatti while he navigates through the streets of Toronto.

6. Future — “Sh!t (Remix)” ft. Drake & Juicy J

Album: N/A (2013)Producer: Mike WiLL Made-It

Released in December 2013, Future’s “Sh!t (Remix)” arrived just three months after Drake released the biggest album of his career, Nothing Was the Same. But rather than celebrating his recent coronation on his first post-NWTS verse, Drake warned the rest of hip-hop that his reign was just beginning. Over Mike WiLL Made-It’s thumping beat, he sounds hungry as ever, yet is well aware of his unchallenged place atop the rap game.

5. DJ Khaled — “I’m On One” ft. Drake, Lil Wayne & Rick Ross

Album: We the Best Forever (2011)Producer: T-Minus, Noah “40” Shebib, & Kromatik

Drake already had a flawless streak of guest spots (from “Money to Blow” and “Say Something” in 2009, to “Made Men” and “Right Above It” the following year), but never had he swiped a song out from under the headlining artist as effortlessly as he did on DJ Khaled’s summer anthem. When Drake wraps up his opening verse around the two-minute mark, the song is already his, completely.

4. Kanye West — “All of the Lights (Remix)” ft. Drake, Lil Wayne & Big Sean

Album: N/A (2011)Producer: Kanye West

In August 2010, an early version of “All of Lights” leaked, featuring Drake rapping over Kanye’s triumphant beat. Three months later, however, Drizzy was noticeably absent from the official version. In interviews, Drake stressed that he was okay with Kanye’s decision; his tone on the unofficial remix, however, argued otherwise. Released in March 2011, Drake’s verse on the “All of the Lights” remix serves as our introduction to the tough guy persona he’d tap into later that year on Take Care.

3. French Montana — “Pop That” ft. Drake, Rick Ross & Lil Wayne

Album: Excuse My French (2013)Producer: Lee On the Beats

Fresh off delivering two of the year’s best guest verses, on Rick Ross’ “Stay Schemin’” and 2 Chainz’s “No Lie,” Drake laid claim to summer 2012 on French Montana’s banger, “Pop That.” In hindsight, Drizzy’s scene-stealing verse is a perfect snapshot of where he was at in his life at that exact moment.

2. Migos — “Versace (Remix)” ft. Drake

Album: N/A (2013)Producer: Zaytoven

After owning the previous two summers on the strength of stellar guest spots (2011’s “I’m On One” and 2012’s “Pop That”), Drake did it again in 2013, with an earth-shattering guest verse on the remix to Migos’ then-bubbling hit, “Versace.” Six years on, it’s impossible to measure how impactful Drizzy’s verse was, considering it helped catapult the Atlanta trio to superstardom.

1. Rick Ross — “Stay Schemin’” ft. Drake & French Montana

Album: Rich Forever (2012)Producer: The Beat Bully

With no disrespect to DJ Khaled’s “I’m On One,” Drake’s guest verse on Rick Ross’ “Stay Schemin’” is the moment when he snatched the throne for good. By flaming rap vet Common in the opening bars, The Boy proved that he was about that action. If it’s not the best guest verse of his career, it’s surely the most important.

[tune-collective]

Every Song From the Disney Renaissance (1989-'99), Ranked: Critics' Take

Every Song From the Disney Renaissance (1989-'99), Ranked: Critics' Take

It’s 2017, and generations young and old will get to relive a slice of the glory days of the late-20th-century Disney Renaissance, with live-action remakes of ’90s classics Aladdin and The Lion King reportedly in the works, and even a non-Disney reboot of The Little Mermaid in the pipeline. But first up is the highly anticipated Beauty and the Beast revival hitting theaters Friday (March 17).

If you’re not familiar with the Disney Renaissance, it’s the wondrous period from 1989 to 1999 during which the studio created 10 iconic animated films — in chronological order, The Little Mermaid, The Rescuers Down Under, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan and Tarzan — thus resulting in some of the most classic Disney songs ever made.

We mostly have the composer and lyricist team of musical masterminds Alan Menken and Howard Ashman to thank for that, with additional contributions to the canon coming from composer/producer Hans Zimmer, as well as legendary musicians Elton John and Phil Collins. Not including the films’ scores, there are 45 songs in total from the Renaissance (not counting the super-slight “Court of Miracles” from Hunchback or “Listen With Your Heart” from Pocahontas), though none come from Rescuers, which featured no original songs. In honor of the new Beauty and the Beast coming, we felt it was only right to rank all of these classics.

Take a look at where each song ranks on this list, and listen to our playlist below to really get you in the zone. Let the Disney debates begin.

45. “A Girl Worth Fighting For,” Mulan

Disney wasn’t exactly known for it’s politically correct content at the time of its Renaissance, but this one is likely the one to most trigger the feminist viewers. Although the suitor song sounds cute in melody, its lyrics mention men’s expectation of women fawning over their strength and preparing meals for them. And when Mulan tries to sneak in a line about women with brains that like to speak their mind, their response is even more frustrating: “Nah.” – TAYLOR WEATHERBY

44/43. “Savages,” Pocahontas / “The Mob Song,” Beauty and the Beast

Despite having very different storylines, Pocahontas and Beauty and the Beast happened to feature extremely similar scenes of angry crowds gathering and chanting about the subjects whom they were ready to attack. Both were led by the movies’ antagonists — Governor Ratcliffe in Pocahontas and Gaston in Beauty — but neither song really added a spark to their respective films that made them worthy of singing along to. In fact, both songs inflict enough fear that the little kids watching probably never want to hear the songs (or witness the fiery scenes) again. – T.W.

42. “God Help the Outcasts,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

It’s arguable that the storyline and songs in Hunchback focus a little too much on protagonist Quasimodo’s deformities, so hearing the gorgeous gypsy Esmeralda sing a song about the less fortunate – and seeing Quasi’s touched reaction to her prayer – is endearing. The only thing is, amidst the other classic Disney songs of the time, the somber vibe of this one makes it a fall a little flat. – T.W.

41. “Heaven’s Light/Hellfire,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

A duet of sorts from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, sung by Tony Jay and Tom Hulce, the song juxtaposes Quasimodo’s innocent longing for Esmerelda and Frollo’s contempt for the gypsy girl who has bewitched him with impure thoughts. But in a mostly overlooked film, it’s one of the least memorable tunes. — DENISE WARNER

40. “Honor to Us All,” Mulan

The obligatory Everyone’s Excited About Something Except the Protagonist song from Mulan, “Honor to Us All” is a little too expository to be all that catchy, and the traditional Eastern musical influence feels well-intentioned but clumsy. The musical round the second verse is presented in is a nice touch, though. – ANDREW UNTERBERGER

39. “Mine, Mine, Mine,” Pocahontas

Disney has a way of making its villains super unlikable, but some of the bad guys do get their moment in the spotlight with epically catchy tunes, like Ursula’s “Poor Unfortunate Souls” in The Little Mermaid or Scar’s “Be Prepared” in The Lion King (both featured later in our list). When it came time for Governor Ratcliffe’s big moment in Pocahontas, his greed overpowered his evil, and frankly his voice is too much like an opera singer rather than a mean spirit. Unfortunately for the governor, he failed to even compare to his villainous peers. – T.W.

38. “A Guy Like You,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0UlAZT09IE

The three lively gargoyles of Notre Dame (Victor, Hugo and Laverne) offered some positivity in Quasimodo’s otherwise rather depressing tale, and really did so with this ego-booster of a tune. Sure, they made a little mockery of his unique stature, but Quasi’s trio of pals meant well in reassuring him that he’s a catch — especially in Esmeralda’s eyes. – T.W.

37. “The Bells of Notre Dame,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Setting the scene of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is no easy feat, but the musical’s opening number fares quite well, employing Latin choruses for tone and effect. Compared to the highest heights of the Disney canon, however, the song lacks a certain je ne sais quoi — to use the language of Victor Hugo’s original novel. — D.W.

36. “One Last Hope,” Hercules

When Danny DeVito voices a little goat man in an animated Disney movie, obviously something pretty silly is going to come of it. His role as tritaognist (and in this song, Hercules’ advisor) Phil is comparable to Robin Williams’ Genie in Aladdin, adding hilarity and hopeful motivation to the film’s eventual hero. While this song does have a jazzy, bounce-along beat — and DeVito deserves some kudos for trying his hand at singing — his voice and hype doesn’t quite measure up to Williams’ in “Friend Like Me.” – T.W.

35. “Two Worlds,” Tarzan

Disney doesn’t do movie openings without an epic number, and the dynamic drums (and vocals courtesy of Phil Collins) deliver just that for the final movie of the Renaissance. “Two Worlds” provides the perfect summary soundtrack to the intro montage shown of Tarzan’s family and his soon-to-be gorilla family, but as a song, Collins pretty clearly managed to outdo himself with other tunes throughout the film. – T.W.

34. “Topsy Turvy,” Hunchback of Notre Dame

When Paris gets turned upside down, Quasimodo becomes a king. That’s what happens on Topsy Turvy day (also known as the Festival of Fools), as narrated in song by jovial gypsy Clopin Trouillefou, making for a lively and colorful scene in the movie – perhaps the best and most Disney-like of the entire Hunchback film and soundtrack. – T.W.

33. “Something There,” Beauty and the Beast

For a song that accompanies such a climactic cinematic moment — falling in love — this song has little spark, especially in comparison to the film’s grandiose ballroom scene. As both Belle and the Beast sing their internal monologues while realizing their true feelings for one another, the arrangement falls short; particularly when compared to the film’s more obvious fan-favorites. – LYNDSEY HAVENS

32. “Arabian Nights,” Aladdin

“It’s barbaric, but hey, it’s home.” Aladdin’s intro song might not be the karaoke classic that some later jams rightly became — and the lyrical broad-stroking was culturally insensitive enough that they had to alter some of the lyrics for future versions – but it sets a tone like few others. – A.U.

31. “Son of Man,” Tarzan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WcHPFUwd6U

Not the undeniable smash that “You’ll Be in My Heart” was, but arguably more reminiscent of peak Phil Collins – a multi-drum-track banger of self-discovery with a propulsive synth hook that gets you swinging from vine to vine. Given what we know of Phil’s own absentee relationship with daughter Lily, though, lyrics like “There’s no one there to guide you/ No one to take your hand” take on a slightly more bitter irony than he likely intended. – A.U.

30. “Out There,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Perhaps the only good thing to come from living life in a cathedral with dancing gargoyles was Quasimodo’s “Out There,” an emotional, people-watching number that expressed his longing to join society. Loners, this one’s for you. – ADELLE PLATON

29. “Prince Ali,” Aladdin

Menken proved to be a master of memorable songwriting, incorporating the catchiest of inflections and melodies that also happen to seamlessly fit the theme of whatever movie the tune was part of. “Prince Ali” is a prime example, serving as the extremely sing-along worthy soundtrack to Aladdin’s Prince parade. – T.W.

28. Poor Unfortunate Souls, The Little Mermaid

Beyond voice-snatching, Ursula had a knack for whipping up supervillain anthems. Enter “Poor Unfortunate Souls,” a wicked diss track to merfolk that nonetheless isn’t quite as lethal as Scar’s bad-guy theme in The Lion King. – A.P.

27. “Just Around the Riverbend,” Pocahontas

You can almost feel the chilling wind on your neck and splash of water on your face as Pocahontas sings this song while paddling down the river. What starts off as a rousing and rallying song about dreaming big takes a turn towards the end, as the tempo slows and the lyrics become far less assured. – L.H.

26. “Trashin’ the Camp,” Tarzan

Phil Collins’ joyful romp from Tarzan owes its visuals to “Under the Sea,” with an array of animals playing instruments found in the jungle camp. You can’t help but sing along when Rosie O’Donnell breaks out into all those “doo bop she doo”s. (And the version with *NSYNC is just as fun.) — D.W.

25. “Zero to Hero,” Hercules

This sonic narration of Hercules’ rise to hero status soundtracks a pivotal point in the movie. With catchy and clever wordplay (“Who put the glad in gladiator?” the muses sing), and a tempo shift midway through, this song has plenty to offer. – L.H.

24. “One Jump Ahead,” Aladdin

An impressively jaunty, enjoyably frisky ode to street-ratdom that had six-year-olds across the country asking their parents what the hell a “nom de plume” was. “I steal only what I can’t afford / That’s everything!” The stuff of Republican nightmares.  – A.U.

23. “Strangers Like Me,” Tarzan

Although this wasn’t the award-winning track from Phil Collins’ impressive Tarzan catalog (we’ll get to that soon enough), it has the same vigorous drums of the opening “Two Worlds” and bonafide jam “Son of Man,” combined with the heart and of the film’s most revered hit. The curious lyrics are in tune with the discoveries Tarzan makes as the song plays, making for an almost dreamlike experience, even just watching it in VHS quality. – T.W.

22. “True to Your Heart,” Mulan

Stevie Wonder and 98 Degrees together in one song is a pretty promising combination, and they certainly lived up to the hype with this playful, harmonica-flavored boy band jam that closes out Mulan. — T.W.

21. “I Won’t Say (I’m in Love),” Hercules

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tl0DMTlwLw4

There are plenty of clichéd love stories in the Disney filmography, and Hercules’ damsel Megara (“Meg” for short) certainly didn’t want to fall under the same spell as her predecessors. But as she hopelessly trots around the Grecian grounds soulfully belting out her little love ditty – accompanied by The Muses, who try telling her she’s in denial – she finally comes to a conclusion to which many a girl (or guy) can relate: “At least out loud, I won’t say I’m in love.” – T.W.

20. “Gaston,” Beauty and the Beast

The title theme for Beauty and the Beast’s chest-puffed antagonist punctures male entitlement and satirizes bro absurdity with such acuity you’ll end up looking for Kathleen Hanna’s name in the writing credits. “When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs/ Every morning to help me get large,” Gaston boasts in the song’s deal-sealing bridge. “Now that I’m grown I eat five dozen eggs/ So I’m roughly the size of a barge!” A couple centuries later, he’d be bragging about his new haircut and showering in Jagerbombs.  – A.U.

19. “Reflection,” Mulan

A lot of times when a Disney princess takes the screen for a solo, she’s singing about a male suitor, or one she longs for. But in Mulan’s case, her breakout spot was an expressive, insightful lyric that — while a bit heartbreaking — serves as a realization of what her next steps should be, even if her family won’t approve. It’s a monumental moment for the heroine, as it’s the first glimpse of what Fa Mulan really looks like underneath her required makeup. And after it received a pop makeover a la Christina Aguilera, the song became monumental for Mulan’s fans, too. – T.W.

18. “A Star is Born,” Hercules

This infectious feel-good song about an outcast-turned-hero finally being embraced by his community — as a star, no less — serves as a perfect closing track to this mythologically inspired film. “I finally know where I belong,” Hercules tells his parents, as a lush orchestra begins to play and the ever-present muses have the gospel-infused final word. – L.H.

17. “Circle of Life,” The Lion King

When you think of epic Disney openings, it really doesn’t get much more grand than this. Actually, forget that – Disney or not, there is no denying that “Circle of Life” is one of the most dynamic beginnings to any movie, period. As if the majestic images of the Pride Lands wildlife aren’t enough to get your adrenaline pumping, the bold drums and building chants combine for one of the most iconic scenes in Disney history. Even without the visuals, the roaring anthem is enough to bring you right back to Pride Rock, and that oh-so-unforgettable sunrise. – T.W.

16. “Belle,” Beauty and the Beast

We’re introduced to our heroine Belle in Beauty and the Beast in familiar-enough Disney Princess fashion, but once her lilting prologue wraps, all of a sudden we’ve entered a French operetta. The buoyant opening number (and title theme for the film’s protagonist) expertly layers vocals from various villagers to create a complex musical and lyrical tapestry that wouldn’t be out of place in Les Misérables — you know, aside from the lack of death and despair in this little town. Belle might not be too thrilled with this “provincial life,” but it doesn’t look so bad from here. – T.W.

15. “Be Prepared,” The Lion King

Scar’s plan for fascist domination didn’t end well, but don’t get it twisted — his anthem is the quintessential Disney villain song. Tim Rice and Elton John’s sinister, thunderous tune revs up Jeremy Irons’ baritone. And with just enough xylophone and hyena giggle (courtesy of Whoppi Goldberg, Cheech Marin and Jim Cummings), “Be Prepared” roars as a towering, multi-faceted monstrosity. – CHRIS PAYNE

14. Friend Like Me, Aladdin

The Genie was easily one of Robin Williams’ best roles during his legendary career, bringing his kooky personality to life in an eccentric blue-bodied cartoon character. While his resume hadn’t included singing until Aladdin, Williams absolutely nailed “Friend Like Me” almost effortlessly — as Menken confirmed during a recent visit to Billboard —  which resulted in a wildly fun, jazzy and extremely memorable number. – T.W.

13. “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King,” The Lion King

Simba’s anthem of youthful invincibility translates to pop banger more convincingly than just about anything else on our list. Those jubilant, piping whistles, the rubbery bass line, the subtle guitar groove — this one got compared to Billy Joel’s “The River of Dreams” in its time, but in 2017 terms, Vampire Weekend writing for Top 40 radio suits it just fine. – C.P.

12. “You’ll Be in My Heart,” Tarzan

While there is no denying that Menken, Rice and Zimmer had Disney songs on lock, Collins came in for the finale of the Renaissance and did the composers proud. Compositionally, “You’ll Be In My Heart” isn’t the biggest earworm, and it doesn’t have the most iconic hook. But what it does have is that pull at the heartstrings that all the Disney classics do, giving it the aww-inspiring musical and lyrical qualities that landed it both an Academy Award and a Golden Globe Award for best original song in 1999. – T.W.

11. “Kiss the Girl,” The Little Mermaid

In which Sebastian the Crab – who, with apologies to Robin Wililams’ Genie, you really never had a friend like – sets the mood for the title character’s contractually mandated kiss of true love with an addictive, calypso-tinged ballad that alternately lures and demeans her intended into action. No less a pop luminary than Brian Wilson covered it, and it was an inspired choice – “Kiss the Girl” echoed the confused, constantly battling sides of a young lover’s subconscious better than just about any song since “Good Vibrations.” – A.U.

10. “Go the Distance,” Hercules

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgnHF2CwrPs

Similar to Mulan’s struggle in “Reflection,” Hercules has a moment of “I don’t belong” realization before heading on his self-discovery journey – which results in the movie’s most vibrant number. Despite its relatively short running time, the triumphant, trumpet-laced tune can serve as an anthem for anyone who needs a little motivation and feel like every mile is worth their while. – T.W.

9. “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” The Lion King

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25QyCxVkXwQ

“Can You Feel the Love Tonight” is rightly remembered as one of the great love songs of the Disney canon; with its towering chorus and climactic key change, the ballad earns its place as the soundtrack to a scene of greater animal intimacy than most pre-teens watching were prepared to process. But the song’s true brilliance, excised by the unavoidable Elton John version, is that originally, “Tonight” was bookended with laments from Simba’s buddy Timon, who understands that his friend’s new romantic union will undoubtedly weaken their own platonic bond. It gets at the sad truth a less-nuanced song wouldn’t have the guts to express: Every great young love story is also the story of one or multiple sideline casualties. – A.U.

8. “Part of Your World,” The Little Mermaid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXKlJuO07eM

When you’re a mermaid, apparently you don’t get too far just flippin’ your fins. But when you’re singing a song fantasizing over living a life you can’t, it makes for a moment that everyone can relate to. And when the song has impeccable rhymes, backed by a dramatic violins, it becomes one that no one can resist singing along to. Besides, what other songs can successfully incorporate the word “thingamabobs” and make you want to integrate it into your personal vocabulary? – T.W.

7. “Beauty and the Beast,” Beauty and the Beast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQ0ODCMC6xs

A romance between a massive, wolf-like creature and a dainty brunette villager is one that’s really only imagined in a Disney movie, but when it’s soundtracked by a whimsically beautiful song as old as rhyme, it becomes a tale as old as time. Enough with the lyric play – “Beauty and the Beast” was an instantly dazzling tune from the moment that flute kicked off the romantic ballad. No matter if it’s Angela Lansbury’s Mrs. Potts, Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson, or Ariana Grande and John Legend narrating the classic ballroom scene, the combination of the piano, full orchestra and sweet narrative is one that every generation can swoon over. – T.W.

6. “Colors of the Wind,” Pocahontas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk33dTVHreQ

Pocahontas and John Smith’s complicated love story reached a turning point in Pocahontas with the Native American princess’ wistful number “Colors of the Wind.” While Smith and his fellow settlers were on the hunt for land and riches, Pocahontas put her frustrating romance aside to whip up this artistic PSA to and instead respect nature and wildlife, embracing the diversity around you. – A.P.

5. “I’ll Make a Man Out of You,” Mulan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVcLIfSC4OE

After The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and The Lion King dominated the Disney music scene for the first half of the Renaissance, Donny Osmond’s kick-ass training song and Mulan’s badass main character made for an unstoppable combination that landed it amongst the greats. If those watching weren’t convinced that Mulan wasn’t capable of being in the army when she set out, this scene provides all the proof necessary that she can keep up with her most masculine of militia mates. And with Osmond offering up intensely fierce vocals on lyrics like “With all the strength of a raging fire / Mysterious as the dark side of the moon” — especially on the epic power-note finish — Mulan (and anyone watching, for that matter) surely feels empowered enough to defeat the Huns. – T.W.

4. “Be Our Guest,” Beauty and the Beast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afzmwAKUppU

A good Disney love song is tough to beat, but when a singing candelabra is involved, it’s hard to not put this fun dinnertime tune up against the greatest of romance records. Lumière’s charming French accent sets the scene for the stunning song, crafting a perfect set-up for the vibrant melody and brilliant verses that are the heart and soul of “Be Our Guest.” Relax, pull up a chair and be the guest of Beauty and the Beast’s most thrilling musical number. Can you really contest choreographed routines by a chorus of spoons, honey pots, plates and feather dusters? The answer is… absolutely not, especially when the finale involves champagne showers and a sparking (dancing spoon-lined) chandelier. – T.W.

3. “Hakuna Matata,” The Lion King

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB5ceAruYrI

Sure, When Harry Met Sally was a thing before The Lion King was, but there may be no better character introduction in recent film history than when Simba meets Timon and Pumba. As a young lion cub that finds himself completely lost in his own family’s kingdom, Simba needed some reassurance that everything was going to be okay. So, a meerkat and a warthog provide that guarantee, with perhaps the most relatable fake phrase ever created. If you first experienced the beloved movie moment as a kid, you probably didn’t notice the same jokes within the lyrics that you would as an adult (“He could clear the savannah after every meal” is likely more relatable as an elder…) – but perhaps that’s what makes this bouncy tune so lovable across all generations. Even after just one take, you’ll be singing this wonderful phrase all the way home, implementing the motto in your life anytime you need to tell yourself “no worries.” Oh, and that transformational log scene during the bridge? Yeah, there’s no way anyone is contesting “Hakuna Matata” as the best Lion King moment. – T.W.

2. “A Whole New World,” Aladdin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s

The only song from the Disney Renaissance to top the Billboard Hot 100, “A Whole New World” goes for the gusto like few love ballads songs in history, having the distinct advantage of being able to offer a magic carpet ride that isn’t even metaphorical. “Don’t you dare close your eyes/ Hold your breath, it gets better,” Aladdin promises in aside, and the music backs him up, a sweeping, gorgeous, up-up-up arrangement of strings and harmonies that reaches the clouds and just keeps soaring. Like any number of Phil Spector songs did for young pop fans of the ‘60s, “A Whole New World” gave ‘90s babies impossibly high expectations for love’s (literal) otherworldliness — but for then, we were happy just to fly along with Jasmine and Aladdin and dream of our own future journeys to that “wondrous place.” – A.U.

1. “Under the Sea,” The Little Mermaid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC_mV1IpjWA

This bubbly ditty sung by a spunky, red crustacean made underwater life the wave. While the aforementioned Aladdin duet is the G.O.A.T. of romantic Disney ballads, Sebastian’s epic ocean orchestra for The Little Mermaid flooded the ears of fin-less fans and warned that life by land is the ultimate snoozefest. Who’s to argue when the splashy performance not only scored an Oscar for best original song in 1990, but a pair of Grammys in ’91, including best song written specifically for a motion picture or for television. “Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter,” assures Sebastian, whose underwater jam session has kept kids and kidults both swimming and dancing for decades. – A.P.  

This article originally appeared on: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/03/17/every-song-disney-renaissance-1989-99-ranked-critics-take/