#ironic prelude to polyfrogs

[petitloup]

shovel talk

DAY SOMETHING! 6? PROBABLY 6. this is here for @geniusorinsanity who requested this ages ago as a follow up ficlet for my longer fic, these things are how you make me feel. Get ready for Chowder going goalie on Dex’s ass!

(If you haven’t already read these things I would highly suggest doing that before reading this!))

Will is terrified from the moment Chris opens his mouth. Chowder’s not a huge guy – around Will’s height, built of lean muscle like so many of the best goalies are. But with Chowder’s fingers digging into his shoulder, pressing hard, forcing the bones to creak slightly apart, he is incredibly aware he has not been working out as much has he should be.

And then he has to watch him wrap those strong hands around Derek, and give him a kiss that shows just how well acquainted he is with kissing him. He can’t help the grimace, but tries to school it into something respectful and understanding by the time Chowder turns around again. By the look on his face, he’s fairly certain he failed.

Chowder leads him downstairs, through the house, in utter silence. When they reach the back door, Will is absolutely certain he’s about to be shouted at, so he braces himself as Chowder pushes him down into a seat and takes the one closest – directly across from him – and sits back with one leg crossed over the other. The picture of cool assessment.

“So,” Chowder says, sounding unimpressed. “Explain.”

Will takes a shaky breath, and his hands ball up on his knees. “I really am so, so sorry, man,” he says, not meeting Chowder’s eyes. “I know you – you probably didn’t know about me before this, and I–”

“You’re right,” Chowder interrupts, and Will regrets meeting his gaze because it is all NHL Goalie. “I hadn’t heard of you before this morning, actually. I probably would have heard about you last night,” he shrugs, twisting the knife, “but Derek spent most of the night sobbing into my shirt, and I figured I would let him do that first. I didn’t realize it would take so long for him to cry himself out, but then, I know more now.”

Will can feel his heart fucking shattering in his chest. It’s all he ever seems to do, come into Derek’s life to fuck it up, to hurt him. It’s what he swore he would never do, and then once they’d broken up – what he swore he’d never do again. He’d kept his distance for a reason. He knew how much he had hurt him, knew he had taken away the future Derek had been dreaming about.

It was the thought that he couldn’t let go of for the last almost-four-years. He had ruined the best thing he’d ever had, that he’d irreparably hurt the person he wanted to marry, the person that he would never stop loving – and the person who could do so much better than the absolute shit Will had handed him. That wasn’t a stupid, self-pitying, compliment-fishing thought, either. It was just a fact. Derek deserved better. And Will had very conflicted feelings about his relationship with Chowder. A deep release of fear, so relieved that Derek found someone who was treating him better than Will had; burning jealousy that he wasn’t the one kissing Derek, too, and giving him all the things he should have; the ache in his chest that had literally never gone away since he walked out.

Picturing Derek, his Derek, curled into Chowder’s chest crying for hours again over something Will had done was like a physical blow. Will scrubs at his face, trying to erase the mental image. When he glances up, Chowder’s face is impassive and cold. He clearly meant for Will to picture that.

“Yeah,” Will says, his voice hoarse. He laughs a little, an unhappy sound. “Yeah.”

“No offense,” Chowder says, “but you seriously fucked him up all those years ago.”

Will closes his eyes and nods. “I know. I know I did. I can’t tell you how much I regret it.”

“So you admit you still have feelings for him?” Chowder asks, and Will’s eyes flash open, panicked.

“What? No, I don’t—”

“So you’re saying you don’t care about Derek at all anymore? That his health and happiness don’t matter to you?”

“No, that’s not what I meant, I just don’t—”

“You don’t what? Because from where I’m standing, either you still have feelings for him and by acting on them you hurt him, again, or you don’t care about his health and happiness at all and were willing to risk damaging or ruining his serious relationship for a quick fuck you didn’t actually mean.”

Will is stunned into silence.

“Chris—”

“No, you listen to me. Derek’s been through a lot since you and him. I was there for most of it. And I love him, I do. I can’t say we’ll last, as a couple,” he shrugs, like it’s not the most frightening thing he’s said to Will today, “but I love him. I want his health and happiness, no matter what our relationship status is. So you are going to promise me that you are never going to do that to him again. Do you understand me?”

Will nods, mute.

“Good. I respect Derek’s decision not to tell me about you. I don’t know why he didn’t. Maybe because he was too hurt. Maybe because he got over you and it just stopped mattering.” Chowder’s mouth twitches slightly, like he’s trying not to smile. When he gives in, it spreads wide across his mouth. His teeth are straight and bright white – except for the slightly lower set canines, which make the smile look more menacing than it should. Almost shark-like.

“I…” Will starts, and clears his throat. “I do love him,” he says quietly. “I’ve loved him since we were stupid 18-year-olds. But I promise, I swear, I won’t do anything to get in the way again. I know I fucked this up, but don’t – don’t break up with him because of me. That would kill him, he’s so happy with you right now, and I. I really am so, so sorry.”

“You owe him a lot of apologies,” Chris says, leaning forward with narrowed eyes, and Will swallows hard. This bubbly human, the sweet, excitable Chowder who swung Cait around and cuddled Derek and was always laughing with Jack, was utterly, mind-blowingly terrifying.  “You owe him a lot of apologies and I think today would be a good day to do it,” he suggests, but it’s not a suggestion. “That way, in the worst case scenario, I can take Derek home, and I will help him forget you ever existed. Or find some way to distract him, until the time comes for us to break up too.”

Will is not sure how to feel anymore. On one hand, his ears are perked up at hearing that they aren’t necessarily together forever. On the other, he’s beating himself into silence as his horror grows – that Derek is dating someone who may not be as serious about him as Derek seems to be. That for all he’s being treated well, Derek is dating someone who could possibly even consider breaking up with him. Like he would even be able to find someone better.

“But – you’re not– ”

“What me and Derek do is none of your business,” Chowder’s tone is cool, and Will feels reprimanded. Chowder’s tone becomes more animated, then, and leaning forward in his chair he says, “but you should know—”

The glass doors slide open, and Will doesn’t get to hear what Chowder thinks he should know, because there’s Derek standing in the doorway, and Will almost has a heart attack.

It’s Derek in his favorite way. Shower-soft, skin smooth and hydrated, still slightly damp, with a towel tied firmly around his waist. He probably smells warm and inviting. He assumes so, since his own damn daughter – tiny, adorable traitor that she is – has her arms around his neck and her face against his collarbones and is blinking sleepily at him.

He wishes he was her for just a moment, and then he stands as Derek starts telling him about how she wandered into his room. Tiny little monster.

Will takes her from him, fingers brushing his skin and confirming that yep, Derek still feels every bit as good as he ever did. He’s whispering things to his daughter, telling her he loves her like he does every morning, how much he’s always loved her, all the things he never heard from his parents and swore he would do for his own kids. Derek turns around abruptly and walks out, and Will can’t blame him.

He watches Chowder follow Derek out, and nods a little when Chris shoots him a significant look over Isa’s head. He’ll talk to Derek today – apologize properly. Maybe it will give them both some closure, even if only one of them really needs it.