#irl conversation

[gremlinanalyst]

my beta reader: (excited) “you sent me a bkdk fic to beta?!”

me: “yeeees.”

my beta: (looking at the doc title) “why does it say, “when life gives you ashes”?”

me: (gremlin grin) “nooo reason.”

my beta: (deadpan) “you killed one of them.”

me: “maybeeee.”

[zainekabang]

(talking about the absurdity of Danganronpa deaths)

(spoilers)

Me: Mondo got turned into butter. That's ridiculous.

SIL: There's been some debate.

Wife: Butter is made from fat and milk.

Me: Okay, humans have fat. But where is the milk coming from?

SIL, the psychopath: Monokuma.

[anonamelie]

me: “oh! yeah! i make music!”

an acquaintance: (scoffs) “you don’t write about exes and revenge like taylor swift does right?”

me: (deadpan) “i write about my cats and witchy shit.”

the acquaintance: (nervous laughter) “uh…alrighty then.”

me: (smirks) “remember, assuming makes an ass out of you and me.”

[kriosv]

Conversations with cowokers

Him: I haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years. Just sucks so much, you get me?

Me: I am the wrong person for this conversation.

Him: No, you're not. I know you haven't had a girlfriend either.

Me: Thats true.

Him: So you know how i feel.

Me: i don't.

Him: but i get how you feel.

Me: you don't.

Him: Course i do. You and me, both haven't had sex in a decade. Need to get back out there. It sucks.

Me: I'm fine.

[velvetcloak]

Friend: So I bought a young adult book a few days ago, and I don't quite like it.

Me: Okay. Why?

Friend: There's too much dialogue. I come from the nonfiction and memoir genres, so I'm not really used to it. The use of apostrophes and commas in dialogue confuses me. Like, I keep forgetting who said what. If only there were clearer instructions or names on who said what.

Me: Girl, that's a script!

[pumpkinspiceshiplover]

Kaminari: Hey, can you do me a favor-

Monoma: No.

Kaminari: You didn't even let me finish telling you the favor!

Monoma: And you didn't let me finish rejecting you.

[overusedfandom666]

Yes, yes, tell me more about the lore of your deranged story you made with your friends, PinkPiePepper. Let me read it off a document so I can properly write a fanfic

[phosphenemoth]

"I wish I could help you," she said.

"You can't," I replied, "Nothing will. I just have to wait... and want... and hurt. This is something I have to go through. I can't keep running from pain."

[beepboopappreciation]

Is this anything

[gremlinanalyst]

me: (gremlin mode activated) “clickity clackity i sense tragedy.”

my beta reader: “i swear you have an angst-dar. it’s like a gaydar, but since yours is obviously broken you just have a sixth sense to angst.”

me: “…so is it doomed gay lovers die tragically in each other’s arms, or one survives and finds out their lover is dead?”

my beta: (smirks) “guess you’ll have to read it to find out.”

me: (deadpan) “this is karma for all the times i’ve made you read whump i swear-“

[nonna-thefolkgremlin]

me: “i want to run away from my life. do you want to run from yours?”

my friend: “no…i don’t think so.”

me: “…can i ask why?”

my friend: “because i wouldn’t be able to talk to you, or hang out with you. what if i hadn’t even met you if i ran when i wanted to?”

me: “that’s a good point.”

*silence*

me: (sighs) “i don’t think i would run away from my life because you’re in it. i just…”

my friend: (smiles) “…hypothetically.”

me: “theoretically.”

my friend: “just wondering…” *starts laughing*

me: *giggling* “we’re going to be okay, i think.”

[kriosv]

Me(at work): I'm gonna play some music. Any requests?

Coworker: how about oldies?

Me: ah, turns out i don't have my 60s playlist available offline. For decades, i have 00s-

Coworker: Yeah, oldies, thats what i meant.

Me:...

Coworker:...

Me: You are 1 year younger than me.

[iamnmbr3]

Really wish people could learn the difference between a plot hole and a character making a mistake. Just because the character messed up doesn’t mean the author did.

[jiofs]

My friend: 'We're All In This Together' is from High School Musical?!

Me: omg I am so ashamed rn (lh)

My friend: *gets mad and goes on a rant about how she didn't have the chance to get a childhood*

Me: I- girl I was kidding

[pineappical]

cooking lessons

[luckywolfsbane]

Me: This cornbread is special. My grandpa made it from his mom's recipe, so you're at least the 5th generation to eat this cornbread.

My 3-year-old niece: WHOOOOAA

Me: Could go back even further.

My neice: WHOOOOAAAAA