#introvets

[rayharvest]

WordLife

[introvertedphantom]

Aaaa! My pins came and they are more adorable in real life!

10/10 would recommend @starglowy store!

[ainnur]

You know how most people headcannon that after Bai He's possession, she wouldn't like the cold anymore?

Fun idea: Redson and Bai He as a duo. Bai He uses Redson for warmth (cause that kid is litteraly made of fire at this point.) And if the fire gets to much for Redson, he can get cooler with Bai He!

Bonus idea: Redson tells Bai He about all the stupid stuff Wukong and Nezha would do when they Babysitted him.

Haha love this! Calling them FrostFire Duo! Fire and Ice baby! [Like Boboiboy<3]

I think them being friend is funny because they don't remember how them became friend and they just keep going. Bai He being the less annoying one to Red Son and Bai He just want to learn more about Wukong.

Love the angst with comfort of them being duo. Both of them bonding over spicy food.

[introvertedkour]

Yes, I am an INTROVERT

[1introvertedsage]

[introvertcatboi]

[aphrodeiities]

ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴꜰᴊ ᴀʀᴄʜᴇᴛʏᴘᴇ

↳ the sub-group archetype of the diplomats

INFJ

INFJ ⟶ introveted intuition, extroverted feeling, introverted thinking and extroverted sensing.

breaking down the archetype ⬎

♇ the archetype is made up of Ni Fe Ti and Se.

I = introverted.

N = intuition.

F = feeling.

J = judging.

 the first two functions that determine the INFJ TYPE CODE ⬎

Ni Fe Ti Se

♇ the Ni and Fe within the INFJ function makes up for the two missing letters in the middle of the type code: I _ _ J because the two missing letters in the middle are the first two functions!

♇ the Fe is the _ _ F _ because it is about extroverted feeling.

♇ the Ni is the _ N _ _ because it is about introverted intuition.

but what makes up the first letter in the code?

♇ what makes up for the first letter in the code is the second letter to the strongest function for the archetype. and the strongest function for INFJ is Ni and evidently the second letter is “I” which causes the function to now become from _ N F _ to I N F _ .

♇ but what makes up the last letter in the code?

♇ you’ll have to look back at the first extroverted archetype in the entire code. and for INFJ it is ⟶ Ni Fe Ti Se. the first extroverted function in the type is Fe, which is extroverted feeling.

♇ Fe belongs to the judging function which displays the fact that the last letter to I N F _ will be I N F J.

explaining the archetype ⬎

❦ INFJ people are very sensitive and aware of their surroundings. empathetic people who are artistic and usually are in their own world, they are considered as people who are good at trusting their own instinct, especially when they're at their worst point of their lives.

❦ they're motivated by what they imagine, being visionaries and great at seeing the potential of something. they're great at seeing the bigger picture and intricate details, they're like a scale and usually can see both sides of arguments.

❦ when people dont believe in them, they dont allow it to stop them from achieving their goals. INFJs are usually very charming and charismatic people, so getting people on their team is something that isnt difficult, they're persuaders and leaders. they think for themselves but also what can help the people around them.

❦ they are people who like peace, and can be the type o do anything to achieve it. harmony and tranquility is vital to them, but sometimes they can fall into the cycle of being people-pleasing and can become a walking mat if not careful enough.

❦ as they're people who can read the room easily, INFJ people can understand the nature of other people, and handle individuals who are more complex than the other.

DOMINANT Ni

its a function that's about perceiving, which involves unique takes and observations to the world around them. they're realistic and use it to set their direction. due to them being able to see different sides of things, it's easy for them to make intuitive links.

they're people who are inspiring, and have a lot of aspirations that make people adore them. they always want to have a goal to reach, a reason to live, a purpose. they're insightful and determined, like a bull charging towards people to get what they want.

they're tactful people, not irrational, so when they're excited and ardent about a goal, they make sure to not overlook hurdles that can come their way. but when they're underdeveloped, they can be unrealistic, delusional, and could be ungrateful with what life has to give them.

when it comes to other people, underdeveloped INFJs could put people on a higher pedestal very quickly.

INFJ'S AUXILIARY ⟶ Fe. [AUXILIARY HELPS GROWTH/HEALTHY OR DEVELOPED INFJ’S] ⬎

♱ when developed, they care for other people and not only themselves, they're considerate of the people around them are are aware of collateral damage. they're trusting of other people and can be very open-minded to ideas that aren't theirs.

♱ they set healthy walls and boundaries for themselves and other people. and in new scenarios and circumstances they can easily adapt into it, and become interactive with the people around them.

♱ they're a big people person and have a good comprehension about community, people and society.

WHEN INFJ’s BEHAVE INHIBITED ⬎

♇ underdeveloped INFJ's usually care about the opinions of other people too much, it could cause them to easily fall into other people's lies and manipulations. usually, it is due to a fear of being judged and hated, a strong dislike of being the black sheep.

♇ when they're dysfunctional, the lack normal boundaries and could want to be like others too much in order to relate to them, or have other people relate to them. they twist and bend themselves to fit into social norms.

♇ can become people who are very judgemental of others, because of what other people say about them, the epitome of judging a book by its cover. making them being considered as people who have terrible judgement.

♇ the type of people to not see how having self-destructive emotions and habits ruin their personal life. only believing what they think is true and dismisses other people's helpful opinions. when something goes wrong, they'd rather blame someone else rather than taking accountability.

♇ believe that they're self-aware but cannot express their true feelings or thoughts. due to this, they'd rather critique other people and focus on another person's flaw. the type to think they have good reason to do something but cannot express why they do, falling into very combative ways once questioned.

INFERIOR Se GRIP⬎

can be easily provoked, people might feel like they have to walk on egg-shells around them, but even if people are patient for them, they're not patient for other people. on the other hand, they can sometimes feel like they're a fly on the wall, which can sometimes make them become attention seekers.

self-destructive is something that would be evident when they're underdeveloped, and they could hurt the people around them; they can become hermits by separating themselves with society and obsessing over flaws and imperfections. and when questioned of their behaviour, they always want to justify it.

because they're always hyper-focused on flaws, they regret focusing on things that are insignificant. this is a trait of theirs that always wants to control everything, even if it's about physical exercise, cleaning or organising.

MORE INFJ EXAMPLES

GAME CHARACTERS

MONO, PRINCESS ZELDA, MARKUS MANFRED AND ROSALINA.

ANIME CHARACTERS

KONAN, ARMIN ARLET, SAILOR SATURN AND DEKU.

SHOW CHARACTERS

MICHAEL SCOFIELD, DAENERYS TARGARYEN, GLENN RHEE AND BONNIE BENNETT.

FILM CHARACTERS

ELSA, ESTHER COLEMAN, EDWARD CULLEN AND NINA SAYERS.

CELEBRITIES

KENDRICK LAMAR, MARINA, PENN BADGLEY AND ZENDAYA.

masterlist

[kidron]

While having a hard day and want something to make the pink jello inside your skull relaese serotonin, dopamine and the endorphin this is perfecto

Hello ! If it's fine to you could you please write a platonic Poe taking a young friend (13-15 y.o) reader to his library ? With Karl because i love raccoon

Tell me if i had to be more specfic

You don't need to be more specific! The request you made was just enough! Hope you enjoy!!❤️❤️ although I'm not sure what type of personality you want for reader, so I'll just make them energetic

Reading is stress relief, You know?

Poe x Reader (Platonic)

Poe was not the extroverted type, especially around kids or people that are younger than him.

But you were different, he wasn't ashamed to talk to you about his new novels that he was planning on giving to ranpo, you always cheered him up when he was at his lowest, a.k.a jot having any motivation to write.

Today he wanted to get some inspiration at a library, since you always caught up with him, he decided he can go with you, he saw you as a little Sibling, of course he would take you everywhere, for your safety, and also so that you can give him moral support when he has to talk to someone.

"Uhh,Y/N?"

"Yeahh??"

"D-Do you mind going to library with me and Karl? I totally u-understand if you can't!"

You raised an eyebrow at him, wondering why he thinks you wouldn't be able to, Of course, you always had free time on your hands, well not always but you get the point

"Of course! I have so much free time, I'm getting bored, it's finally time to do something!"

Karl jumped on your shoulder, trying to recognize, he immediately recognised you by your smell, and laid on your shoulders.

"Let's go then!"

"A-alright.." Poe stuttered at the sudden energetic outburst from you, of course it was normal from someone like you, but it still surprises him.

The two of you finally arrived at the library, keeping quiet since these ARE the rules of every library around the world.

"This library is beatiful isn't it?" You whispered into his ear in a child like tone, for example, a child in a candy store.

"Of course I got here regularly.." he whispered back, wanting to keep quiet so he doesn't get told off by the librarian.

"Soo why are we here??" You whispered again, as you two started walking further into the library, Poe looked REALLY focused looking at the shelves full of books, he was currently looking at mystery novels.

"O-Oh, well I just needed inspiration for a new mystery novel I'm writing for Ranpo.."

"Hmmm, how about these series of Novels? They are probably the hardest to solve."

You got four books, all about the same size, as you put them on a table. Looking proud a always of your new founding.

"I have never seen these series, do you think it will work?"

"Well, Ranpo is the best Detective on the world, but it may get him a bit stuck, we can borrow these books from here and read them at home."

Poe nodded as you walk to the librarian, signing all the things so that you can get books.

You both walk out of the library, ready to start reading when you get home.

Reeling are always appreciated!

[realtoastghost]

Does anyone know if Interactive Introvets is available to watch anywhere?

I missed the tour and never got to see it :(

[lol-jackles]

lol-jackles.tumblr.com/post/157882869231/can-you-please-bemore-specific-about-jensen-last

//Do you know where I could find these videos because all that sounds so eerie on Jensen's part. I didn't know he used to (still is?) be so needy or clingy. I tried to search youtube and etc but couldn't find any video evidence. Or if anyone here knows and are able to link it to the comments. More I read, more I am disturbed by Jensen's actions towards Jared. Man needs therapy as well.

I've dealt with friendships such as these (under your codependency tag) and it was draining... and much more HUMILIATING. It feels you keep giving to that person who's always there - but they're there simply to cling, throw digs at you and drain you with a "kindness" smile. Absolute shark smile, that's all I see now when Jensen smiles at anyone.

Link Scroll down until you get to the videos of the panels you want to watch. As you can see, the site includes several videos of the same panel at different angles from different videographers.

Right, friendship shouldn't be draining, unless maybe if you're an extreme introvert with limited number of spoons. But from what I understand about introvets, they don't feel drained by that one good friend/partner.

Remember kids, your friendship is not a charity finishing school for irritating people who can’t take no for an answer.

When I saw this scene in My Crazy Ex Girlfriend, my mind went to the early days of J2.

[matapelangi]

‘Menyibukkan Diri’

Kadang secara tidak sadar diri ini mengambil peran di berbagai hal, yang terkadang kebingungan juga memutar waktunya seperti apa. Berusaha menata jadwal menyusun prioritas. Ya yang barangkali tak jarang kelelahan dan mungkin juga jenuh tak karuan. Menurutku, sibuk adalah cara ampuh untuk move on. Move on dari perkataan yang menyakitkan, perbuatan yang tidak mengenakan, atau usaha yang telah di patahkan. Dengan sibuk semua akan teralihkan secara alami, dan ketika sudah lelah akan tidur dengan sendirinya alias tanpa overthingking tiap malam.

Salah satu hal yang aku lakukan agar diri ini sibuk selain bekerja adalah belajar. Belajar disini konteksnya luas, sangat luas, bisa juga main ke tempat yang banyak pelajaran, voluntering, membaca, dan mengikuti kelas-kelas di zoom. Tentunya akan mengeluarkan uang, tapi memang per bulan sudah ada budgeting untuk investasi belajar.

Aku suka belajar dan diskusi, maka aku berharap suatu saat nanti orang yang akan mendampingku adalah orang yang suka belajar atau paling tidak mendukungku dan mengizinkanku ketika aku ingin mempelajari suatu hal.

Hehe oke lanjut…

Selain belajar aku juga menyukai organisasi, eh tapi organisasi juga salah satu cara belajar ya wkwk. Dari aku SMP, SMA, Kuliah, dan sekarang bekerja 1,5 tahun kalau di kalkulasikan sudah 11,5 tahun menjabat di pengurusan. Dari sekretaris, sie bidang materi, koordinator apresiasi dan karya seni, bendahara, humas, media dll… Tak hanya itu di setiap kegiatan juga kerap jadi PJ heu :v

Aku anak yang introvet dan jarang ngomong di depan umum kalau pas kumpul organisasi haha, lebih suka bekerja di belakang layar. Banyak orang yang menyangka kalau aku pinter pemberani kayak anak-anak organisasi lainnya. Tapi sebenere banyak pemalunya, yang paling aku suka di organisasi adalah banyak kegiatan, ketemu orang baru, relasinya luas, dan punya background kepemimpinan.

Tentang menyibukkan diri, terkadang sepintas berfikir amanah sebagai manusia saja berat, berani-beraninya mengambil amanah lain yang sangat banyak. Amanah sebagai hamba, apakah kita mampu untuk menomor satukan perintah wajibnya? Atau hanya mengambil waktu sisa untuk-Nya? Amanah sebagai anak, setidaknya apakah kita sudah memohonkan ampun untuk mereka ketika sedang sholat? Atau apakah sudah memberikan yang terbaik seperti yang mereka berikan? Belum lagi amanah sebagai seorang istri, sebagai orang tua atau sebagai seorang karyawan, sebagai seorang sahabat, amanah di organisasi A, komunitas B, dll apakah kita yakin akan mengemban semuanya dengan tuntas tanpa cela?

Namun percayalah, jika niatmu baik, kegiatanmu positif dan bisa menolong serta bermanfaat untuk banyak orang. Allah akan turun langsung membantumu, menyelesaikan urusan-urusanmu dan menambah ilmu yang belum kamu ketahui.

Nahh itu menyibukkan diri versiku

Kalau menyibukkan diri versimu seperti apa? Dan apa saja yang kamu lakukan untuk itu semua?

[steviexjohnson]

name: stevie johnson goes by: sj, doc age: thirty-six birthday: september 17, 1987 gender & pronouns: cis-female & she/her label: the scholar orientation: heterosexual & heteromanticrelationship status: single hometown: manhattan, new york city, new york current town: tonopah valley, nv neighborhood: downtown

occupation: self-employed (unemployed) academic degrees: doctorate in pharmaceutical sciences, b.s. in pharmaceutical sciences affiliation: pozolero for los santos

biography & headcanons & plots (tw: cancer & parental death)

biography (tw: cancer & parental death) →

stevie lost her mom to brain cancer at age 6. her father never recovered from the grief and as she grew older, gave less and less of himself to her.

stevie is a stem girlie, always doing far better in the subjects where logic and reason prevailed. math and science were her besties.

she went to school for pharmacy at NYU getting her bachelors & pharmacy degree in six years.

her father had lost most of their fortune, but stevie was smart so she got a lot of scholarships. she's scrappy for a former rich kid.

when she graduated school, she went on a trip across the country to see what she had been kept from seeing as a kid--and found herself mixed up in the los santos gang by accident. apparently, if you're willing to give tasting notes on the product their selling....be prepared to put your money where your mouth is.

lucky for her, she could and quickly rose up the ranks to find herself as a valued pozolero for the organization. at first, she struggled with how antithetical it was to her plan of saving lives.

after a while though, it stopped mattering to her so much and it wasn't really like she could just...get out anyway. she didn't desire too. los santos was as much of a community as anyone else, and as the little girl that came from a broken world--she liked that she had a group of people. maybe not all of those people--but at least she belonged somewhere.

so over the years, her morales have grown grey and she's stopped being so picky about what happens. at the end of the day, the hero and the villian are decided by nothing more than what side of the street you're on.

headcanons →

stevie usually goes by sj, its simpler and easier and sometimes she gets less weird looks

big state fair girlie. huge, even.

as mentioned above, she's a total nerd. will geek out over all sorts of silly things, but some to note: some academic journals, getting a perfect category on jeopardy, random youtube videos, marvel, star wars, the lore behind video games....so decidedly not your stereotypical gang member. but then again, stereotypes aren't always right anyway.

she's not like a nerd in the "introveted, keeps to yourself" kind of way either--she loves meeting people and going out to hang. she is decently involved in her community and has even been known to volunteer at the local hospital for drug take back days.

she loves horses. full stop.

she also loves cooking. is like...creative chemistry that generally can't kill people. baking too--though she does find the specificity of it a little more like work and she doesn't love that.

plots →

neighbors

friends! local friends, new friends, old friends, friends from the past--anything!

enemies! we love angst here

romantic relations! could be exes, crushes, former flings, current flings

work associates (friendly or nah)

literally anything i suck at coming up with plots in a list way but i love to develop with folks!

[aromantic-character-showdown]

wait hold on, do you still have access to the submissions and what we said in them? I feel like at least part of the reason Sena is losing in her group so badly is because of shippers with her but I can't think of any propaganda to make better than what I did on the form.

Yes, I can post that!

What genre of aromantic are they?

aroace because she literally canonically does not know what sex is for most of the game

What should they win?

Depicted having a strong platonic bond with her ourobouros partner Lanz as opposed to most others having explicitly romantic ones of some kind. Regularly shown forming strong platonic bonds wtih people incredibly quickly, having at least 3 examples shown in the story. Also doesn't fit into practically any of the standard formats aro characters do, she's energetic and outgoing and sporty, as opposed to the quiet introvet type that I'm sure is going to be about 90% of what's submitted to this.

Anything else?

okay to be fair with the she didn't know what sex was thing that was for horrific worldbuilding reasons and not asexual reasons, multiple characters who canonically aren't asexual also didn't know what sex was, but I just thought that was funny to include.

[introvertedkour]

#Diction dump

#I am an insomniac

[riantas]

( Hai namaku riantas salam kenal, terimakasih sudah datang ke Myblog tumblr, aku akan membuat karya gambar, animasi, dan membuat ilustrasi yang bagus, salam kenal ^_^ )

Tentang Sepi

Menulis di balkon dan meminum kopi, bercerita tentang sepi, ada waktu menyepi dan menikmati kesendirian, jauh dari hiruk-piruk kota, aku merasa tenang seperti embun yang terbang mengikuti kemana angin teduh berhembus.

merindukan percakapan hangat bersama sahabat-sahabatku namun adakalanya, membutuhkan cas energi untuk sendirian, dan menikmati sepi.

Sampai suatu ketika aku duduk di balkon gedung di meja dengan secangkir kopi, menulis tulisan ini.

Pernah ada pesan yang sampai padaku, dan aku mengingatnya, namun belum membalasnya karna keasyikanku dengan sepi, entahlah yang ada dipikirkan merasa perlu ruang untuk diriku sendiri, bukan hanya tentang kegiatan, pekerjaan atau rutinitas menyepi yang larut dengan hari-hari, tapi tentang apa yang aku pikirkan untuk semestaku, untuk harapanku sebagai individu yang bersemangat menjalani hari.

Sampai suatu waktu aku mengingat pesan dari teman atau sahabat atau apapun yang entahlah aku sendiri tidak bisa menggambarkan dengan kata-kata, aku cukup lama mengenalnya namun belum berkesempatan untuk mengobrol, ini aneh bukan, namun terkadang kata, hurup dan banyak hal membuat kita bisa berkenalan dan bersosialisasi. Aku tahu mungkin dia sibuk dengan semestanya sebagaimana aku dengan semestaku.

Ada hari dimana aku ingin bertemu dan mengobrol dengannya, aku menulis karna belum ada keberanian, aku pemalu entahlah ini seperti bukan aku ada waktunya merasa kikuk dan tidak percaya diri, diantara hari-hariku yang sepi, aku perlu waktu buat percaya pada diriku sendiri, makanya aku merasa bingung akan apa yang harus aku lakukan, aku menulis tulisan sederhana dengan kata yang ringan tentang apa yang aku pikirkan, yang menemaniku duduk di balkon gedung sambil meminum kopi.

Sampai sekarang aku sedang mengatasi perasaan canggungku dan memaknai sepi.

Itu cerita singkatku tentang aku si ambivert yang lebih dominan introvet. ^_^

[sitihardiyantisalamia]

Suara Kehilangan

Ingin sekali kutanyakan pada seseorang yang telah menikah, bagaimana rasanya dicintai dengan akad.

Karna sampai sekarang aku belum mampu merasakannya.

Selama ini hanya mencintai dalam diam🙍.

Sakit, tapi itu terbaik, bagi sebagian orang terutama pada penduduk berjiwa introvet.

Lebih baik dari pada sebuah penolakan yang nantinya akan terjadi.

Maafkan aku yang tak pernah berterus terang.

Maafkan aku harus berpura-pura menjadi teman terbaikmu demi kepentinganku.

Kini kabar baik itu telah sampai pada sayap telingaku.

Menjadi topik utama dalam perbincangan monolog dihatiku

Dari seseorang yang pernah menginginkanmu.

Doa terbaikku untuk hari bahagiamu dan ucapan selamat untuk perempuan yang telah mampu meyakini mu untuk hidup bersamanya

Yang kuingat dari sekian kata bijak tentang cinta, “kalau cinta jangan terlalu banyak memilih, dan menikalah dengan yang sekufu denganmu”. Yang kutangkap, dalam imaji ku ialah terlalu kuat dapat bersanding denganmu. Hapalan alquran ku yang masih berantakan kini membuatku malu jika terlalu berharap akan disandingkan denganmu. Aku yakin seburuk-buruknya wanita pasti dia ingin dibimbing oleh laki-laki baik dan sholeh sebaliknya sejahat-jahatnya laki laki pasti menginginkan wanita yang baik dan sholeha untuk jadi ibu buat anak anaknya.

 Tapi dalam alquran laki-laki yang baik buat perempuan yang baik dan perempuan-perempuan yang baik untuk laki laki yang baik pula, semuanya seimbang setara, yups! tuhan memang maha adil. Akhirnya aku tau rasanya kehilangan sebuah harapan yang pernah paling aku harapkan, Ternyata waktu serta keadaan dan takdir tak kunjung sejalan dengan setiap harapan.

 Melepaskan dan mengiklaskan adalah cara terbaik untuk membiarkannya pergi dan bahagia dengan sendirinya meski bukan denganku.. Wahai jiwa yang sedang dalam penantian teruslah berjalan dalam rute kebaikan, karna cara terbaik dalam menjemput jodoh adalah dengan terus menerus berbuat baik dengan mengharap ridho kepada pemilik ar rahman.

Diatas meja udah kusiapkan berbagai macam cemilan yang sudah tersusun rapi disebelah kiri laptopku. sebelum akhirnya aku bertempur dengan data-data yang harus kurapikan. Untuk persentase besok dikantor.

Dering notifikasi di handphone mengalihkan sejenak perhatianku, ternyata pesan itu dari raju

Raju: * undangan Pernikahan *

                Assalamu’alaykum Warahmatullaahi Wabarakaatuh

                bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim

Rasa syukur kami mengalun  merdu, karna Allah menjadikan dua hati berpadu, dalam ikatan suci pernikahan yang syahdu, semoga menuju ridho Allah langkah kami melaju.

Maha besar Allah yang berkehendak menghimpun dua hati, dalam ikatan suci pernikahan, semoga Allah berkahi usaha kami menuju jannah dan ridho illahi

Dengan segala kerendahan hati dan tanpa mengurangi rasa hormat, kami mengundang Bapak/ibu, saudara/I sekalian untuk hadir memberikan doa terbaik, pada acara pernikahan kami:

 Muhammad Raju Khali Pratama & Haura Ulya Utami

Yang insyaallah dilaksanakan pada  sabtu, 7 januari 2020

Tempat, Jl. Cemara perumahan surya blok m no 9

----------------------

Merupakan suatu kehormatan bagi kami apabila bapak/ibu, saudara/I berkenan hadir  dan mendoakan keberkahan bagi pernikahan ini.

Kami yang berbahagia,

Raju dan ulya

Degup jantungku sesaat rasanya berhenti, dadaku juga begitu sesak berulang kali aku terus berucap lahauwla wala quata illabillah sambil terus tanganku mengelus dadaku, perasaanku juga tidak teratur, kucoba berdamai pada kondisiku saat itu kuatur posisi untuk bisa lebih baik, berputar balik keatas kasur dengan meluruskan kakiku sambil kusandarkan tubuhku pada dinding bisu itu.

 ingin sekali rasanya kubalas pesannya dengan beragam pertanyaan siapa ulya itu? dari mana kamu kenalnya? lulusan mana dia? Asal mana dia? Sekarang apa kegiatannya? apa yang membuatmu memilihnya. Ah ingin sekali rasanya aku mengintrogasinya batin ku. Tepok jidat sadar ra lu itu bukan siap-siapa dihatinya raju bahkan ruang untukmu saja itu tidak ada. Berhentilah berharap pada sesuatu yang tak akan mungkin jadi milikmu perasaanku terus saja melakukan monolog-monolog dalam hatiku.

Raju: semoga bisa ikut mendoakan kelancaran acara kami ya ra.

hampir 20 menit baru kubalas pesan raju,

Me: barakallahu laka wa Baraka alayka, wa jama’a baynakuma fi khairin…” amiin samawa ya

Raju;  semoga ikutan menyusul ya.

Balasnya dengan tambahan emoticon ketawa untuk mencairkan suasana malam itu, tapi bagiku itu sudah tidak berlaku.

KAU TAHU, HAKIKAT CINTA ADALAH MELEPASKAN. Semakin sejati ia, semakin tulus, kau melepaskannya. PERCAYALAH,  JIKA MEMANG ITU CINTA SEJATIMU, TIDAK PEDULI ARAL MELINTANG, IA AKAN KEMBALI SENDIRI PADAMU,  banyak sekali pecinta di dunia ini yang melupakan kebijaksanaan sesederhana itu. Malah sebaliknya berbual bilang cinta, namun dia menggenggamnya era-erat. ( about love tere liye).

Aku masi membatu dikasur saat itu, chocolate panas yang sudah kusediakan sedari sejam yang lalu telah dingin,  enggan lagi rasanya mulutku mendenguknya. Perasaanku masih tak beraturan, kulayangkan pesan pada rima saat itu

Me  : aku  patah hati, raju menikah ma,

 Rima: seriusss,

Dengan ekspersi terkejut dari kejauhan pasti benakku 

Kukirim undangan raju seketika itu pada rima Padahal jika aku boleh menuntut belum genap sebulan lalu dia ingin memintaku untuk mencarikan wanita yang sudah siap menikah dengannya. Perasaanku juga masih belum bisa menerima “yaa Allah kumohon tenangkan jiwaku atas segala ketetapan yang telah kau tentukan, pasti lebih baik bukan batinku. Kumulai menscroll ulang percakapan kami di wa saat itu.

Kukirim undangan raju seketika itu pada rima Padahal jika aku boleh menuntut belum genap sebulan lalu dia ingin memintaku untuk mencarikan wanita yang sudah siap menikah. Perasaanku juga masih belum bisa menerima “yaa Allah kumohon tenangkan jiwaku atas segala ketetapan yang telah kau tentukan, pasti lebih baik bukan? batinku. Kumulai menscroll ulang percakapan kami di wa saat itu.

Raju: ra boleh aku minta tolong

Dengan emoticon tertawa selalu begitu.

Me:  tentu jika bisa akan kubantu balasku ramah

Raju: kalau kawanmu atau kenalan atau apalah…cewek, siap nikah, ibadah nikah diutamakan dari pada materi, kasih tau aku ya…

Me : untuk kau?

Tanyaku antusias saat itu, ada rasa yang tak  bisaku deskripsikan pada kenyataan,  rasanya aku ingin jadi pahlawan untuknya mencarikan seseorang yang begitu sempurna untuknya agar dia bahagia, disisi lain hatiku menolak, ingin rasanya aku ucap saat itu, “aku wanitanya. Tepok jidat seketika hal yang tak mungkin kulakukan, aku ingin diminta kesediaannya untuk menjadi pelengkap separuh agamanya bukan menawarkan diri. Aku ingin merasakan bagaimana dicintai jika tidak bisa aku tak ingin memaksakan yang bukan menjadi ranaku biarlah tuhan yang langsung bercampur tangan. Aku tak sanggup.

Raju: hahah iya  kenapa ra, kok jadi kaget gitu

Huh diamah kagak paham kalau yang jauh disana aku sudah setengah mati nahan degup jantung yang mau lompat ini.

Me: masyaallah semoga niat baikmu didengar tuhan ya dan semoga disegerakan

   Kau nyari yang gimana? Syarat-syaratnya, harus becadarkah?

Raju: hahah, kalau gak ada juga gak papa. Iya kalau bisa yang shalihah kalau gak, juga gak papa asal mau dibimbing ke yang baik.

Spontan aku yang dikejauhan berantakan banget perasaannya sungguh! kalau boleh jujur aku mau bilang “ aku wanitanya gimana haha monolog yang menyebalkan. Aku kembali pada layar persegi itu, mengingat waktu sudah pukul 00.00 tapi aku bersikukuh untuk tidak tidur. Menyelesaikan yang sempat tertunda sebelumnya. Aku berusaha untuk meyakinkan diriku sendiri dan mendamaikannya. Tidak boleh terlalu memaksakan dan berambisi. Sementara untuk cinta itu sendiri dia tidak pernah bersalah. Akan bersatu atau tidak semesta lebih paham rumusnya tugas kita hanya menerima bila nanti berjodoh jika tidak berjodoh kau hanya bertugas untuk berlapang dada itu saja. Simpelkan tapi sungguh menyesesakkan dada kalau mengalaminya.