#introvert also doesn't understand people who get extremely emotional out of nowhere

[prozac-shaped-urn]

oy vey. introvert rant incoming.

went to a going away party today for my neighbor and friend becky and i had war flashbacks to hacks 107 with dj's birthday/engagement party and boy son i was not ready for that......

turned out that becky is in fact moving, but this was an opportunity to surprise her friends about her recent engagement. which like.... that's fine. it's reasonable, but good GOD one of her friends just straight up starting crying like actually falling to pieces in front of my literal salad and i just couldn't deal with that so i starting doing some work on my phone so i could dissociate from the ridiculous display in front of me. i can't stand women who cry at nothing. like what is so moving that you'll cry for no reason? i've never in my life cried for no reason. i hardly ever cry to begin with. i get it, we all have hormones n shit, but for fuck's sake CALM DOWN!!!!! (maybe also the fact i've never been in love or been in a relationship or have many friends at all might contribute to my confusion and blasé reaction but make it make sense. i do not understand.)

moving on.

so at the beginning of this little party i was fine. like it was okay to be around new people because there were only two people there who i didn't know and then more started showing up and i felt myself turtle instantly. i shut down and folded into myself. just completely cut myself off from the group because this is something i've always done when confronted with a bunch of people i don't know. i get extremely quiet and reserved and distanced. i'm not sure if it's a defense mechanism from being mocked and outcast in school or what, but it's a go-to in stressful situations (groups of people is a stressful situation for me) and makes for awkward company, which i'm apologetic for but i'm also not about to change it. honestly i'd much prefer being around one person and one person only for future company. i dunno about a life partner or whatever but i'd be happy with a confidante. or like,,,, a neighbor. someone i know i can have irl to keep in touch with and offer support to. bestie lives in utah. we also wouldn't spend a lot of time together if we did live in the same city, so that arrangement wouldn't work lmao

anyhooters. i hate parties, i can't stand overly emotional women, i can make some damn good mango salsa and i need some solid rest. i'm still very tired from this week and my clit is still misbehaving at odd times. whatever. it'll fix itself eventually.