#introspective new year post yay!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

long time no ask

how about a long one that is fluff?

Hi Lovely!!!

LONG TIME NO REPLY!!! I'm so sorry I put this one off for so long, I've been working through my asks that I have lists ready for slowly but surely <3

I LOVE getting asks like this because it gives me a chance to post asks that people rarely ask for, yay!

So, I perused my list of fic lists that are ready-to-post (and not already drafted from an ask) and from the longer lists I've chosen First Kisses! I'm hope this list pleases you!!!!

As usual friends, please add your own if you have any! Enjoy!

FIRST KISSES Pt. 2

See also: First Kiss (Updated March 24/23)

Evermore by SosoHolmesWatson (G, 2,068 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4,  5-Year-Old Rosie, Love Confessions, Song Fic, Parentlock, Oblivious John, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Disney Songs, Beauty and the Beast) – For the past years, John and Sherlock have lived at Baker Street again, raising Rosie together--as friends and nothing more. Ever since the little girl has watched her first Disney movie, she is obsessed with princesses. When John comes home one day, he finds his friend and his daughter in the middle of a reenactment of her current favourite. Part 1 of Made of Music

This Year by DiscordantWords (T, 6,283 w., 2 Ch. || TEH Divergence / No Mary, New Year’s Eve, John’s A Mess, Jealous John, Awkward Conversations, Trapped in a Closet, Estranged After Return, John POV, Semi-Reunion, Angry John, First Kiss, Reconciliation, Clueless Sherlock, Happy Ending) – Last year, Sherlock Holmes showed up at the Landmark with a fake moustache and a bad French accent and threw John's entire life into disarray with two words: "Not dead." This year, there are more surprises in store.

The Skin Over My Heart by standbygo(E, 8,849 w., 1 Ch. || Post-Hiatus, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Dog Tags, Military, Homophobia, Gay Bashing, POV First Person Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Declarations of Love, Undercover, Haircuts, Flashbacks, Touching, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Metaphors, Introspection, Hand Jobs, On the Couch, John’s Past, Angst with Happy Ending) – Sherlock and John are still trying to adjust to Sherlock's return from his hiatus when John's friend Bill Murray brings them a case. Someone is targeting the LGBTQA+ members of Bill's unit. John and Sherlock go undercover at the unit, but when they end up having to flirt to flush out the suspect, Sherlock realizes he's in over his head.

A Comprehensive Taxonomy of Tobacco-Ash by Silvergirl (E, 11,475 w., 2 Ch. || No TRF AU || Cranky Sherlock, Alternating POV’s, Self-Esteem Issues, Jealous John, Pining John, Confessions, First Kiss, Frottage, Bed Sharing, Sensuality, Cuddling, Touching) – A handsome academic approaches Sherlock about publishing his magnum opus on tobacco-ash in a prestigious scientific journal. Sherlock is quite flattered and flustered, and John’s nose is out of joint.In this little AU there is no Fall and no Mary. Instead, there is humor and smut. Truly a disproportionate amount of smut.

Both Sides Now by Silvergirl (M, 14,724 w., 5 Ch. || Post-TEH / Reunion Fix-It, Bed Sharing, First Kiss / Time, Undercover John, Couple for a Case, Assassin Mary, Big Brother Mycroft, Norfolk Coast, Angry John, First Kiss, Worried Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Alternating POV, Infidelity, Meddling Mycroft, Emotional Love Making, Matchmaker Mycroft) – Sherlock, undercover on the Norfolk coast, texts that he needs help; John is still seething after Sherlock’s gambit in the train car, and he refuses. When Sherlock goes missing, Mycroft sends John in to pose as Sherlock’s bit on the side.

The Slow Dance and Death of a Carbon Copy by batslikepastel (T, 15,576 w., 8 Ch. || Angst with Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Mental Health Issues, Mary is Not Nice, Idiots in Love, Eventual Fluff, Developing Relationship, Alcoholism, Love Confessions, BAMF John, First Kiss) – He hasn’t talked to Sherlock outside the bedroom since that first night. Today, though, when Sherlock painstakingly makes John’s favourite breakfast- eggs Benedict- he smiles delightedly and kisses his cheek. “Thanks, Mary.” The first sign of delusion.

A Quiet Life by DiscordantWords (M, 25,176 w., 6 Ch. || Post S4, Retirement, POV Sherlock, Awkwardness, Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Minor Character Death, Questionable Parenting Choices, Non-Linear Narrative, 20 Year Old Rosie, Meddling Mycroft, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Angst, Sherlock Whump) – There had been three days of silence and a funeral. Sherlock had the terrible feeling that whatever happened next would depend, entirely, on him.

Rupert Street by WritingOutLoud (M, 27,262 w., 9 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting || Case Fic, Sexuality, Demisexual Sherlock, Drugging, Smart John, Sherlock Has Internalized Biphobia, Fluff, Angst with Happy Ending, Gay Bar, Flirting, John Manipulates Sherlock to Eat, John Deduces, Arguments, Kidnapping/Torture, Hospitalization, John Whump) – Discharged from the war with nothing but the clothes on his back and a realisation of his bisexuality, John Watson has to learn who he’s become. He can’t afford London on an army pension, but the city is the only friend he has. In an effort to understand his newfound queer identity, he heads to a bar one night, where he stumbles across a mysterious stranger who turns his life upside down. ‘I dug around inside myself, and I'm not quite sure what I found, but it was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time.’

Domestic Matters by ohlooktheresabee (M, 29,404 w., 6 Ch. || Fantasy AU || First Meetings, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, BAMF Sherlock, BAMF John, Idiots in Love, Misunderstandings, Supernatural Elements, Implied / Referenced Child Abuse, Elf Sherlock, Human/Elf Politics, Emotional Abuse, Possessive Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, Buddy Greg) – All flatmates need to work out domestic matters between them - who does the dishes, who takes out the rubbish, how often does the carpet need to be vacuumed - these are part and parcel of sharing a living space together. However, when you’re an elf and your flatmate is going to be a human you just met, this rather complicates things…Very loosely inspired by 'The Elves and The Shoemaker' by The Brothers Grimm.

Deck the Halls by itsalwaysyou_jw (T, 31,018 w., 24 Ch. || Advent Fic / Multiple One-Shots, Assorted Tags) – One Johnlock ficlet for every day leading up to Christmas. Who is ready for pining, first kisses, established Johnlock, and everything in between? This collection of stand-alone ficlets will have it all. 

Swallow the Night by ArwaMachine (E, 87,873 w., 15 Ch. || TSo3/Stag Night Fix It, TAB/S4 Divergence, Toplock, Mutual Pining, PWP, Drunk / Public Sex, Anal Fingering/Sex, Alcohol-Induced Amnesia, Everyone Knows Except Them, Emotional Love Confession, Demisexual Sherlock, Internalized Homophobia [John], Parentlock with Rosie, First Kiss, Drug Relapse, Infidelity, Texting, Masturbation, Oblivious John, Emotional Love Making, Angst with Happy Ending, Dreams and Nightmares) – “Do you know how long,” John panted, his cheek scraping against the wall, looking back at Sherlock through half-closed eyes, “I’ve wanted this?” Sherlock pressed himself against John’s back, biting at John’s ear. “Not nearly as long as I have,” he whispered.

Bakers with Benefits by Raina_at (E, 88,130 w., 14 Ch. || Great British Bake Off AU || Strangers to Lovers, Switchlock, Friends with Benefits, Mentions of Alcoholism / Past Drug Use, Banter, Flirting, Fluff, Light Angst, Semi-Public Sex, Past Sherlock/Victor, Mutual Pining, POV Sherlock, Obsessive Sherlock, John’s Bum) – Sherlock Holmes has a successful YouTube baking channel, but what he really wants is his own bakery. When an old friend sends him a call for the very first Great British Bake Off, he seizes the opportunity to finally win a sponsor for his bakery. Here's the plan: Win Bake Off, get the bakery, don't fall in love with the handsome Army doctor at the neighbouring station. Easy.

Fade To Black by twistedthicket1 (M, 93,389 w., 29 Ch. || Split Personality Disorder / DID, Action, Romance, Violence, Implied Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Fluff and Angst, Baskerville, Human Experimentation, PTSD, Implied Self Harm, Trauma Amnesia, Past Child Sexual Abuse, Protective Sherlock, Smoking, Meddling Mycroft, Past Victor/Sherlock, Gay Sherlock, Sherlock’s Past, First Kiss/Time) – John Watson believes one day he'll just fade. That he'll drown in the black spaces of his mind, and that one day he will no longer exist. It's always been like this, the dark spots marking out moments in his life he can't remember. Where for just a moment he's someone else. Having a Dissociative identity disorder, he can't even be entirely sure he's really who he says he is. Then he meets Sherlock Holmes. A brilliant detective who when he looks at you can read your entire life story. John is immediately fascinated and afraid, half-wondering if maybe Sherlock can see the other personalities in him and half terrified of the thought of him finding out. Becoming his flatmate seems at once to be a wonderful and horrible idea. Yet as John's Blackouts become more and more severe and his other personalities begin to truly awaken and show themselves with Sherlock's help, the two soon discover that sometimes even the kindest person can harbour a demon best left untouched inside of them. Because not all of John's other personalities play nicely and some may be hiding secrets best left undisturbed...

Drawn to Stars by Silvergirl (E, 109,272 w., 60 Ch. || S4 Compliant to TLD / TFP Doesn’t Exist, Sherlock’s Italian Adventure, Sherlock/OC and Johnlock, Jealous John, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, First Kiss/Time, Idiots in Love, 3 Part Story, Slow Burn, Inexperienced Sherlock, Bottom Sherlock, Introspection, Alternating First and Third Person POV, Separation and Reconciliation, Emotional Love Making, Love Confessions via Letters, Angst with Happy Ending) – After the Culverton Smith case Sherlock is clean, working, and looking for a romantic partner—since John has told him that’s what he needs. Shame John didn’t mention he was interested in that role himself, before Sherlock went off to Rome with a gorgeous Italian copper to try to fall in love and become a complete human being.  Part 1 of the Drawn to Stars series

Out There by DiscordantWords (T, 131,695 w., 10 Ch. || X-Files Fusion || Past Soldier John, Panic Attacks, POV Alternating Present Tense, Anxious John, Canon Adjacent, Deductions, Obsessive Sherlock,, Travelling, Sherlock’s Family, Jealous Sherlock, Mind Palace John, Awkward Flirting, Batting Cage, Kidnapped/Abducted John, Semi-Reverse Reichenbach, Worried/Anxious Sherlock, Hospital, Slow Burn, UST, Case Fic, Government Conspiracy, Aliens, UFOs, Mutants, Mutual Pining, First Kiss, Coma John, Forehead Touching, Hand Holding, Drinking/Bars, Past Jolto) – FBI Special Agent John Watson, medical doctor and army veteran, is assigned to assist eccentric genius Sherlock Holmes with paranormal investigations on the X-Files project.

[bejoomi]

belated event + general plot call!

hi everyone! now that i'm officially off hiatus it's time to make my Official Plot Call and get back into the swing of things. i'll need threads of all kinds, both regular and event threads for all three of my muses. i'll do what i usually do and write a bit about their current states, as well as what they'll be doing and how they're feeling regarding the halloween event under the cut! and also an event tracker. but please like this post to plot and i will message you soon 💗

JOOMI

GENERAL UPDATE

with dohyun leaving delta, his songwriting trio (dorenmi) with ren and dohyun is broken. he is very sad about it because they had dreams of being The songwriting trio of delta's next bg and potentially the next generation of bgs in general. he is still movin forward though and doing his best to not be Crushed by it. he is feeling a bit aimless though, and he got so used to writing with ren and dohyun that his creative process is all out of whack now, which is p much just as frustrating for him as dohyun leaving. i think he's been trying to do more things on his own lately, both falling into his old habit of shutting down and closing in on himself when he's hurt by Other people, and because he just like...wants to make sure he's still comfortable functioning by himself, because maybe he's Not and if he Is other people leaving his life won't hurt so much. but i think he's also trying to like...do it in a healthy way, and not shut down, and he's also trying to hang out with people that aren't his closest friends because he thinks it would be good to expand his social circle a little. also out of hopes that if someone leaves again he won't feel it as much. this means there's a lot of room for plotting with new people, yay! or reconnecting with people he hasn't spoken to in a while. but he is still pretty sad and is an introvert so he will not be doing anything that requires intricate planning or orchestration on his part slkdfjglsflkf ALSO NEW DELTA PEOPLE!! PLOT W HIM! he will still do his best to be welcoming and be a good sunbae, not an emo ass bitch for them .

HALLOWEEN

joomi is in a Creative Block rn to some degree and this unfortunately is extending to halloween costumes. he would be happy to go out and do halloween stuff with people though....he just probably will not be making the plans. he might honestly go and do some stuff by himself though, like the ghost tour...so there's an opportunity for him to run into pretty much anyone there! or maybe catch him shopping for a halloween costume just Staring at them with nothing calling to him. he could probably use some help in the costume department, especially for the trainee costume contest. he does not feel the need to win it but he does want to do a decent job, if only because delta is running the contest and he doesn't want to disappoint them LMAO he also might go to lotte world and check out the discounts by himself. he used to work there and hated it but it's been a year now and he's kinda interested to see how it feels now. he will probably be weirdly introspective if u run into him there. LJKSDFKLSKLD (also update as i was typing this post: joomi decided he wants to be dead aka a skeleton for halloween. so he will be in one of those goofy ass skeleton body suits for the axis party and probably a mask too that he doesn't wear for more than 5 mins because it gets hot)

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @bexstevie (1/4) thread 2: open thread 3: open AXIS HALLOWEEN EVENT: party thread 1: @beseojun (3/4) ✓ party thread 2: @bejiayi (4/4) ✓ trick or treating thread/solo: @beyeseul (4/4) ✓

NAYOUNG

GENERAL UPDATE

nayoung's Situationship (cam) has now left sr media and she is Just A Bit sad. but she's also like wow i can finally focus without him bothering me god bless. LKJSDLKFSLKDF but she's still being pretty antisocial...though she is at least Aware now that she Should interact with people more. there are just not many people in her life she does actively want to spend time with. but she is more willing to do things with others now, though chances are she won't initiate anything unless it is with her Palz, of which there are like, two off the top of my head. KLJSDLKFS so she may need some encouragement from others to not just Work all the time. she is still gaming and working at the convenience store in her minimal free time tho so plots around that are always possible!

HALLOWEEN

she will not go out of her way to participate in anything but if the right person/people ask her to do something she will! HOWEVER she is very determined to win the axis costume contest. she is just way too competitive. she has decided she's going to be medusa and she is going all out. makeup, gray contacts, curled hair, snake staff and snake headpiece – the works. costume is something in this zone. she will probably look very unsettling and will enjoy unnerving people all night! it would be nice if she had someone to get ready with and/or help her do her makeup too so that plot is open if we can get nayoung to like someone enough for that LMAO 😭 but she will also 100% be sucking up to their seniors and getting as much candy and such from them as she can

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @beyuji (2/4) thread 2: @bejaeyoung (2/4) thread 3: open AXIS HALLOWEEN EVENT: party thread 1: @beclaudine (2/4) party thread 2: @beseira (2/4) trick or treating thread/solo: open

RIHA

GENERAL UPDATE

riha got a dreamwave audition callback for lime BUT she did not actually go and audition. she chickened out and decided to pretend to be sick 😭 she just felt very unprepared for everything and even though she knows auditioning could only possibly be a good experience. she scawed. it made her think about if she Really wants to become an idol or not because she's really only doing it for her late mom and she's very intimidated by it. she thinks she does tho! so she's going to try to focus up so next time an audition opportunity comes around she feels ready for it. it's all made her think of her mom more though, and if riha is good at anything it's Running From Feelings, so you bet she's been trying to fill her life with Activities so she doesn't have time to be sad! unlike the others riha Will initiate and plan things with just about anyone. she's also vaguely looking into vocal lessons on top of the dance lessons she's already taking so she can Actually Improve, so more music-related plots would be nice now! but rly anything goes with her, she's always down for something new. most of the time anyway

HALLOWEEN

riha will be very happy to do halloween related stuff with anyone! she thinks halloween is very fun even though she gets easily scared. she loves seeing everyone's costumes, especially pretty girls LMAOOO that being said she is so facking indecisive she has no idea what she wants to be. so let her tag along with your group costume(s). she is down to go do fun things multiple days in different costumes and she would honestly like to try everything that's going on in the city for halloween! she will be very good at the zombie run honestly bc she's so active. i think she will have a lot of fun w that even though she will also be Screaming. if ur muse gets scared she can probably still run with them on her back bc she is a big strong girl. LKSDJFSFLSFD but she's open for a lot and is once again down for anything most of the time

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @beclaudine (2/4) thread 2: @beyuji (2/4) thread 3: @beseira (1/4)

[isabellehemlock]

Sabbatical Reflections

For those who might have been around last summer, I shared that I was going on a personal sabbatical last year, and I wanted to share that it officially ended on Sunday.  I’ve spent quite a bit of time, especially in the last few weeks, in an introspective state as I contemplated a few statements: 

What did I learn?  How did I grow?

What did I shed?  What did I pick up?

What do I want to apply to irl, and/or fandom spaces moving forward?

And then in the last week I really hunkered down, typing out paragraphs after paragraphs, starting over no less than four times and even including quotes and graphics as I tried to piece together what I really wanted to convey to both loved ones and friends (I can’t even make this up: that doc is legit, 4.6k words holy heck) okrrr . . . so highlights:

But also quick trigger warnings for anyone reading: I can appreciate grief is a sensitive subject, and I promise no big details, outside of like “matter-of-fact” references to cause of death (but no descriptions, names, ages, etc), but yes, there are several references to loss in this post, as well as references to religion (vague) and medical conditions (again, vague).  Just wanted to provide a heads up, in case anyone would like to skip.

I shed forty hours a month of community volunteer work last fall.  Some roles I had picked up years and years ago, before various chronic health issues got worse, and new diagnosis’ were given to several family members.  One role, for example, was supposed to be annual, and I had been doing it for five years, so I was definitely overdue for a break and I was grateful that everyone was very understanding with worsening health issues that it sadly just wasn’t going to be an option for me in the foreseeable future to do scheduled, physical, activities on any kind of consistent basis.

Which meant I now had more free time to spend quality family time, as well as a more balanced half and half routine navigating the (now on average) 25 medical appointments a month our family has, with several creative outlets, and family time (yay!)

Made final promises in August, as a Lay Dominican after four and a half years of study (my religious name in the order is St. Mary Magdalene <3) 

Unfortunately a month into the sabbatical, we learned my mother needs a transplant - we did testing in January, and are getting a second opinion next week! (Feel free to send prayers!)

I opened up a small server space for myself and friends (it’s my happy place).

Joined a few fandom events that have been going well, and just adore helping bring someone's vision to life, and bonus if it's raising money for charity!

Saw my art in print for the very first time by getting to co-organize the @lmzine

Bought my first fandom merch!

Launched the @iwtvbigbang and am so grateful for a lovely mod team, and wonderful, creative participants ✨️

Made my first fandom merch sales (yes, plural!)

But also on an emotionally heavy note: in January, there was a criminal trial (more on that below), and a custody hearing trial in February (also more on that below) for our extended family.

And all in all, about a month’ worth of illness’, colds and viruses when you stack them all together over the months.

Some relationships shifted and I had a better understanding about myself and the lessons I learned along the way.

Though I’ll talk about it more in a week, I hope to expand my art even more this year, but details to follow 😎

So basically, NO BORING moments, that’s for sure! 😅

Okay but what did I take away from all this?  What did I learn, and want to apply to my future?

I know I have been very intentional when it comes to my relationships.  And what I mean by that is to essentially not do anything half assed lol.  I jump in, and want to treasure what I have in front of me while it’s there - I feel the impermanence of time on a deep, core level, and that’s because of both my own chronic health issues, as well as several losses.  Time is a gift.  

For example - summer, especially August is a hard time in our household, because of several grief anniversaries: 

August 2003 - my father had his TBI

August 2010 - a friend from high school got in a car accident, was in a coma for several months before passing away

August 2011 - a family member died by suicide

August 2011 - though we wouldn’t know it until September, our first baby died during the first trimester

July 2018 - a family member was murdered - the killer accepted, then refuted several plea deals, and his trial was this January, he received 45 years.  This family member’s child has been living with his grandparents ever since, and officially, permanent custody has been transferred to them as of February, much to everyone’s joy.

And that’s just the grief aspect, that’s not even going into other kinds of personal trauma - oof.  But hopefully that helps provide some context as to why I really, really, really like to convey how I feel about people while I have them in front of me.  I mean it sincerely, but can appreciate if some might be weary and wonder if it’s love bombing :p  Nah - I just value it while I got it, and try to show my appreciation while I can <3

I have a lot of love to give, and I want to ensure that the people I care about know it, too, regardless of how short or long we are in each other’s lives.  We don’t own one another, we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, and hey, if the vibes don’t match, that’s alright - life’s too short!  Aging is a privilege we don’t all get!  Let’s make the most of it with the people we do vibe with, who bring us joy in their own unique ways.  No one person can be the person for us, and in a way, that’s because we have to stop treating each other like we need each other to be complete.  

You are a complete and wonderful soul all on your own - the people in your life should be the ones who want you in theirs, who you want in yours, because of joy and happiness and fun and good times and compassion and empathy and authenticity and vulnerability.  I hope you find the people who root for you and your individual growth, who encourage you along the way, and you do the same for them.

So what does this mean for me as I apply the word “intention” further down the line?

As I’ve shared, I’ve done fairly well with labeling my intentions right away, what I’m here for in online spaces - community and connection - what I enjoy (a sort of reverse DNI if you will lol) - core parts of myself (which isn’t to limit who I engage with, but to be honest and forthcoming, to spark that conversation and see if there’s overlap between us, if there’s things we both might enjoy as we move forward and explore friendships - I love meeting people I might not have otherwise met from all across the world, and am so grateful for them and their ability to help expand my perspectives).  And I can honestly say there’s a chunk of friends I’ve maintained years’ worth of friendships with where we haven’t read, reblogged, or commented on each other’s creations lol, or ones I talk to about irl stuff vs fandom, or ones where we enjoy events together, etc etc, it’s a big ol variety and I love that!

But as I shed things, as I carefully calculated my time and energy and reflected on how I spent it before my sabbatical and during, I realized I need to also apply that word “intention” to myself and my time and efforts.  Especially in situations where I come to learn someone doesn’t have the same intentions as I do.  It’s important for my own mental health not to outright dismiss the impact hurtful words and comments might have on me, but it’s equally important for me to embrace that I am worth more than spending my precious time and energy proving I am a good person to some people who have developed a derogatory narrative in their minds based on false assumptions.  I’m just going to keep on shining where I can, take it or leave it, but negative commentary (especially when I ask for clarification in a gentle, genuinely curious kind of way to encourage open dialogue, only to be met with dismissive, or even negative justifications) is the quickest way for me to be done.  

I don’t do subtext.  I don’t do name calling.  No longer asking for permission to exist in a public space with anyone (because that only implies it was up to someone else to decide where I am allowed to be in the first place).  Fuck that noise.  

Sure, in shared spaces, there’s pre-agreed upon rules - basic civility, kindness, and compromises made along the way like in any relationship to ensure not a single solitary vision pummels over decent people.  We all got our social contracts, and I’m just as accountable as the next person.  No one is above, or below, anyone else - equality for all, including myself.  It is not my role in life to be the emotional punching bag for anyone to learn how to practice communicating when they don’t know how to regulate their own emotions first.  Just because I have de-escalating training does not mean that I should have to apply it online, for free, in fandom spaces, meant to enrich my life in social and creative ways.      

I’m gonna herp derp in my corner, enjoying some crack humor, and PG level of chaos. 

I’m gonna draw everything from niche art, to NSFW art, to religious art.

I’m gonna encourage events where people from all over can gather together and root for each other’s creativity.  I'm gonna participate in ones where I help bring someone's vision to life in collaborative efforts that hopefully help someone feel seen and heard and brings joy.

I’m gonna do everything I can to participate, create, and nurture spaces where the weirdo besties assemble.  Where cringe culture is dead.  Where being different isn’t a justification for being othered, but in fact, something to cheer on.  

And that’s what I’ve learned in my sabbatical: that my intentions are deeper than I realized, and that my time and efforts are of value, too.  That I will continue to pour into the relationships where it is reciprocated to the best of the other person's ability.  I’m going to intentionally invest my time and energy into the people who want that out of their fandom spaces, too. 

But the rest?  The rest is just noise that was never meant for me in the first place.  Wish the stranger on the internet well, and move forward with the people who want to invest intentionally with me, too <3

For those who have helped me better understand this about myself along the way, thank you.

[kyfwriting]

Welcome to the Kyforyel Writing Updates Blog! [welcome to the kyforyel writing updates blog!]

I originally created my main blog, @kyforyelsystem, to be a writing-updates blog, but then I was like "man. i REALLY like tumblr" and made seven billion friends to the point I don't think it's a writing updates blog anymore, so here's another; focused entirely on me and my writing process for any series I am currently updating about.

What series are you updating right now? [what series are you updating right now?]

As of right now, I am working on:

Trying So Hard Rewrite [trying so hard rewrite]

Nothing else :) [nothing else :)]

Tell us about yourself! :) [tell us about yourself :)]

hiii, I'm Ky!! I've been writing for a majority of my life, and ‘I’ am actually a collective of many people! We as a system just like going by ky, yay. Additionally, I’m chronically ill, so do note I struggle a lot with getting out energy to do things, writing included.

I’m an artist AND a writer, so I’ll publish artworks of my fics sometimes. i like comedy writing (if its not telling by how much i adore TSH), but i also want to be cool and introspective like other writers ..... so i like angst often too ….

FEEL FREE TO APPROACH ME! im niceys also.

btw i am the 2nd biggest rohan fan and 1 biggest rohan hater and you can fight me over how i think araki ruined him by making him an Empathetic Guy All The Sudden

Below the 'read more' is just general info, such as my tagging system, etc etc.

I have tags for each large AU, and sometimes, I will have tags for individual oneshots. Large AU's will have the tag #largeau and smaller AU's will have the tag #smallau, simple right? As for important AU's, they'll have named tags.

#tsh -> trying so hard updates, for jojo

#anc -> "After Nevada Continuity" for my post-nevada mercs au that i've been working on for like... seven billion years (three years and counting)

#dinocom -> the dinosaur madcom au

every other tag that isn't a large/central au of mine will be added soon. general fandom tags will be categorized by "#fandom abbreviation + general" i.e. milo murphy's law would be #mmlgeneral or jojo's bizarre adventure would be #jjbageneral etc etc.

all my posts will be tagged with #kywriting. I will also have a tag for general updates about writing processes (i.e temporary pauses or adding on new projects etc etc) under the #writingupdates tag.

and occasionally, i will make art of my fanfics, those will be tagged under #myart.

and for everyone's information, i will block people as i need. i have no policy against minors, but please interact with caution, i am older than you!

[black-rose-writings]

Reading Siege and Storm because I hate myself

To begin, I’d like to state that this is my first read-through and I only have vague idea of the plot I’ve gathered from fanfics and tumblr posts.

Long post ahead

Chapter 1

So... at first I was like - huh, this isn’t as bad as I thought, but the moment Alina gets introspective, it all goes to hell.

Like, she’s being physically made sick by not using her powers, which is making her feel useless - like, she says, pretty much verbatim: “The only thing I was ever good at was being a Sun Summoner and I’m not that anymore.”

I’m gonna beat those paragraphs over the head of anyone, who says Alina got a good ending.

I’ve also noticed just how often the like “I pushed that thought away” is used and more often than not, it’s used on thoughts that should probably not be pushed away.

Ah, yes, here he comes, my boy Darkles, being the dramatic bitch he always is. We get it, you’re the hot villain, tempting the good and pure heroine away from being good and pure.

And I’m just now realizing how many times in this chapter has Alina lamented their lack of privacy. We have to ensure the reader doesn’t hink she’s *gasp* sleeping with Mal.

Chapter 2

What?

Alina is tripping balls while being put under by a Heartrender, got it.

Darkling is being the voice of reason, but I’m getting the distinct feeling it won’t last.

Ivan gets one point, because Alina is in fact a traitor, but he’s also being a cunt, so it doesn’t really count.

Alina at Sturmhond: Do you even care about Ravka?

Me at Alina: Do you?

Chapter 3

“Mermaids are not real”. I’m pretty sure they are in the Grishaverse.

My boy Darkles is still making sense, but Alina is dedicated to being against him just for the hell of it, it seems.

Did this bitch just throw a tantrum, because he told her, what we can assume is the truth? Okay. Like, I get that she’s at best 18, but still. Not exactly the type of protagonist whose head I like being in.

And in that moment, dozens of smut fics were born.

Chapter 4

Wow, that was quick.

Aaand. What had just happened?

Chapter 5

Sturmhond is a funny bitch, I’ll give him that.

And this entire conversation, it seems like Mal’s entire purpose is to stand behind Alina threateningly and repeat what she said, lol.

I’d like to remind Alina (and LB) that a king in an absolutist monarchy (which is what Ravka appears to be) is very much a tyrant. Don’t make it sound like Ravka didn’t have a tyrant before. And at the very least, my boy Darkles seems pretty competent.

A man calling himself a Storm Dog likes dogs. No shit.

Chapter 6

I hate Mal. Dude, this is your girlfriend, maybe like... listen to her? Don’t bludgeon her with the one other guy she was kinda-sorta with, when you are a well known manwhore?

I don’t know man, I don’t like him.

Everyone: You can’t have more than one amplifier, it’s dangerous.

Alina: Haha, sparkles go brrrr

Chapter 7

In other news, pirates are funny.

Holy shit, they have a plane.

That was... a lot. And we’re crossing the Fold again, yay.

Chapter 8

You feel bad for the Volcra but not for the people you’ve left for dead in the Fold last time? Okay.

Baby Volcra. Am I supposed to say “ew” or “aww”? If I tried doing both at the same time, it would probably sound like one.

Jesus fucking Christ this book is a ride.

Did Alina really just have an “oh no, he’s hot?” moment? *sighs*

Puppy boy has a title longer than Daenerys, jesus.

Alina, my dear, you could have waited for a bit before doing that. There’s like thirty soldier with guns around you and you’ve just punched a prince.

Then again, you’ve never been smart, have you?

Chapter 9

For once, I completely agree with him. I know you two have lost your one shared braincell on that first crossing of the Fold but still, that was very dumb of you, Alina.

I’m starting to get why people were calling Nikolai “Darkling light”. Definitelly seems appropriate.

Mal, calm the fuck down, that was the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard and you know it.

You two didn’t even let Alina get a word in for the last page. What right do you have to her, Mal, huh? Nikolai is making sense and you’re being an idiot.

What’s your deal Mal? What the fuck do you want?

And why in the hell are you the endgame love interest?

That’s an awful lot of guilt-tripping you’re doing there, Mal. No need to be pissy about it.

Chapter 10

The bones thing is definitelly yikes.

Saints, Mal, are you on your period or something? Alina doesn’t belong to you. Alina can make her own choices. Get a grip.

“You think I’m like the Darkling?” Yes. The Darkling isn’t all bad. You’re at war. No need to get your panties in a twist over a few fingers.

Oh, look, Alina has a cult now, nice.

Chapter 11

Your “dad” is a rapist, Nikolai. Quite possibly a pedo. He got exactly what he deserved.

I’d go for the second option. Especially after that stunt. Jesus, you could have asked her beforehand.

At least Darkles had the decency to make out with her in private.

Also like... why is every single person in this series so far an asshole?

Chapter 12

We meet the King again, unfortunately.

Alina gets Darkles’s old job.

This should be a total disaster, but let’s see where it goes anyway.

Chapter 13

Alina’s nuts, yay.

(I know they have a Force-bond-thingy. I also know they did it before Reylo did.)

Chapter 14

Oh boy, Alina’s not doing as bad as I thought.

For the 100th time in this book, I wish I had Nikolai’s confidence. Though it is getting a bit too much.

Puppy boy is dropping some truth bombs. Nice.

But he doesn’t realize that my boy Darkles has very good reasons to not align with Fjerdans - a) they think he’s a demon and b) they want Grisha dead.

I’m not gonna say she was, but like... the monarchy is very much corrupt.

Oh, boy, Baghra. This one’s gonna go well.

Yep, Baghra’s as pleasant as ever.

So... Baghra’s plan in book 1 really had been to just have Alina run away and hope for the best? Jesus Christ, lady. I’m not saying she deserved to have her eyes taken away, but she is definitelly a trash person and I’m not surprised her son turned out the way he did.

Also, I’m fairly certain that Baghra is literally slowly killing herself - that the reason she looks so old and frail is because she’s started to supress her power and it’s literally killing her, because, you know, she’s bonkers old.

Chapter 15

Nerd Alina > Self-pitying Alina

Also, I’m just saying, Alina comments on Zoya being attractive a whole lot - I get that she’s meant to be insecure, but I’m interpreting it as her being gay, because I need some happiness in my life, okay?

Just kill the sleazy old Rasputin-wanna-be. There’s plenty of them to go around in this series.

Chapter 16

Vasily takes after his father in creep factor.

Why not the Darkling being courted by a horny prince? Be a bit creative.

Chapter 17

Nikolai has big ADHD energy and I love him for it. Fits right in with the heavily autism-coded Fabricators.

*sighs at heteronormativity again*

*sighs at improper gendering of titles*

Date night with Mal. This is gonna be a disaster, isn’t it?

Chapter 18

Fun night of cultural appropriation, yay.

I hate cultists.

LET. ALINA. GO. FERAL. Please.

You two are going to give me a headache, I swear.

Darkles cockblocking Alina. And Malice threw a tantrum. Nice.

Chapter 19

You’re way too harsh on Genya, Alina.

Horny Alina rights.

They have a laser, now. Cool. Or, well, enormously hot.

Mal is being a drunk a-hole. Great. When does he become likable? Does he ever?

Banter between Mal and Alina? Kinda weird, always somehow comes back to either of them being insecure.

Banter between Alina and Nikolai? I’m all for it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a Darklina trash, but like... Nikolai is fun. I could see him and Alina having an arranged political marriage and ending up falling in love years into it, that’s all I’m saying.

Chapter 20

Just let this one go, Alina, please. You two are not working out. Please, end it with him. You’ll both probably be happier. (I’m saying this with the full knowledge that Malina is endgame).

Jesus Alina, get your shit together. You have every right to be mad, because you two didn’t actually break up, you didn’t kiss Nikolai and also, I don’t like Mal.

Sooo... when is Alina going to realize her manchild of a boyfriend is an amplifier?

Chapter 21

Alina has the horny sickness, lol.

Jesus Christ, girl, I don’t want to read your vaguely suicidal thoughts.

Mal, you fucking idiot.

Alina, stop defending Mal.

Chapter 22

Alina has a logical thought? Impossible.

Finally, some action.

Chapter 23

Oh, boi, this is going great.

Oh, boi, Alina’s having another martyr moment.

And, we’re done.

Finally.

That was a ride. Nothing really happens for like ten chapters and then everything happens in one and a half.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Re: Star Wars prequel novelizations - the Revenge of the Sith book is genuinely one of the best things I have ever read and changed my life.

THANK YOU, anon, for reminding me about the Revenge of the Sith novelization.  I just reread it, and my crops are watered, my skin is clear, and — I cannot overstate this — I actually remember why I love Star Wars.  That love has been for too long stolen by The Fandom Menace sucking the life out of those movies to invent a new definition of suffering while digesting them slowly over a thousand years.

Revenge of the Sith by Matthew Stover is one of the greatest works of adventure fiction I have ever read, and it continues to inspire the way I write action sequences and character conflicts.  It does so damn much to transform a movie that is, to be honest, just okay.  There are a couple of big additions from the novel that make the whole Skywalker saga richer, and there are about five hundred little tweaks that deepen the lore in a way that shows that Stover loves Star Wars to the core.

First big addition: having Obi-Wan tell Padmé that he’s in love with Anakin. This is great because yay, queer representation!  But within the specific context of RotS, it also sets up the super-important contrast between Obi-Wan and Anakin.  Obi-Wan, Stover’s novel makes clear, is the quiet and unassuming embodiment of everything a Jedi is supposed to be: he’s selfless, loving, hard-working, and incredibly skilled with the Force.  Obi-Wan falls in love with Anakin, realizes that Anakin doesn’t love him back in that way, and... lives with it.  He spends time with Anakin, supports Anakin, enjoys Anakin’s company, and doesn’t act like the world will end if Anakin isn’t his.

Anakin loves Obi-Wan, in a siblinglike way, and he loves Padmé.  But he’s got a nasty habit of expressing that love through possession and control, through going behind Padmé’s back to “fix” her life without her permission.  Anakin falls in love with Padmé and immediately concludes that he cannot possibly live like this: they must begin a secret relationship, and he must both marry her and remain a Jedi.  Later he destroys the Jedi and eventually Padmé herself because he sees himself as having no way out of that dilemma.

And all the while, Obi-Wan is there in the background.  Also in love with someone with whom he cannot have a relationship, and just… dealing with it like an adult.  Because millions of people are in love with people who don’t love them back, and that’s just how it is sometimes.  It’s selfish to obsess over “having” their love at all costs.  For Anakin, that obsession with saving Obi-Wan and Padmé eventually leads to him killing them both.

When Yoda tells Anakin that he must deal with his fear of losing Padmé through letting go, Anakin takes this to mean “let her die.”  But what Yoda means is not “let her die,” but rather “love her the way Obi-Wan loves you: quietly, selflessly, and with a willingness to do what’s best for her, whether or not that means you get to have her.”  And Anakin never understands that, because Anakin’s view of the world is so intensely egocentric.

Second big addition: updating the Force to explain the Dark Side. Revenge of the Sith, even more so than any other Star Wars, is all about the contrast between the Dark Side and the Light Side.  Here, Stover’s contribution is brilliant; he makes the Dark Side egocentric and the Light allocentric.

Terminology! “Egocentric” in psych refers to the perspective that focuses on how the world affects you and how you affect the world.  At the extreme, egocentric thinking can be believing that a baby is crying in a deliberate effort to annoy you, or that every person in a crowded cafeteria will remember what shirt you wore when you ate there a week ago.  “Allocentric” refers to the perspective that the self is one of several disparate elements buffered around by the world.  At the extreme, allocentric thinking can be failing to realize that others are reacting to your presence, or viewing your own life as one thing you can give to help others.

Stover doesn’t use those terms, but he does describe how Dooku “drew power into his innermost being until the Force itself existed only to serve his will” (p. 64).  Later, Obi-Wan “gave himself to the living Force… the Force moved him, let him collapse as though he’d suddenly fainted, then it brought his lightsaber from his belt to his hand” (p. 285).  Dooku ultimately loses his fight against Anakin because he focuses on how everyone is responding to him, and misses that Anakin and Palpatine are beginning to build an alternate alliance right under his nose.  Obi-Wan ultimately wins his fight against Anakin because he allows the Force to shove him around, and sets aside his concern with both his own life and that of his best friend while fighting for the greater goal of peace.

Not only that, but Obi-Wan’s understanding of the Force moves beyond that of most Jedi.  He compares “the will of the Force” to “the will of gravity,” in essence stating that simply because it is beyond human comprehension doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its own rules.  One can be a Jedi without needing to understand the Force in the same way one can be a pilot without needing to be a physicist.  In RotS, we see that his refrain of “search your feelings” is a way of calling on a Force user to be mindful enough to accept realities that are already evident, if one can only allow oneself to have that knowledge.

Stover also uses these competing perspectives — allocentric and egocentric — to explain why the Jedi Order falls.  The tight control the Order exerts over the Jedi moves them away from the will of the Force and toward the will of the Council.  Its insularity creates a sense of superiority, which is the reason so many Jedi fail to see their clone troopers as threats until it’s too late. Stover tweaks the Jedi Purge scene to emphasize that the only reason Obi-Wan and Yoda survive is because of their selflessness.  Obi-Wan takes the time to befriend his alien mount, repeatedly confirming her well-being, and then she shields him with her body when his troopers open fire.  Yoda respects the Wookie command and puts himself in a position to assist rather than lead the resistance movement on Kashyyyk, meaning that when a fight breaks out between him and his troopers the Wookies don’t hesitate to side with him.  Yoda and Obi-Wan are the only two Jedi who truly give themselves to the service of others, and thus they are the only two to survive the Purge.

...and the million little favors this book does for the movie.

During the opening battle, having Obi-Wan tell Anakin to “use the Force” to fly a narrow trench and having Anakin roll his eyes at such an obvious suggestion.  It’s a callback to A New Hope, but one that drives home how much more the Force is integrated in the lives of Old Republic Jedi than it is in the lives of Imperial kids like Luke.

Fixing the minor continuity error from Episode III to Episode IV — why would Admiral Motti dismiss Vader as following outdated superstitions if there were millions of Jedi within his lifetime? — by explicitly stating that the Sith are considered a dead culture.  Ergo, Vader’s “ancient religion” isn’t the Force in general; it’s specifically the Sith creed.

Making Palpatine scarier and more seductive than he is in the movie.  Stover’s rhetoric about killing even the Jedi children is frighteningly rational and coherent, and he uses it to give Palpatine some stomach-churning speeches while corrupting Anakin.

Using the novel format for all it’s worth.  Stover skims over the physical-comedy elevator sequence in favor of having Dooku and Palpatine discussing their plans for the war.  He only tells us about Anakin’s conversation with Yoda after the fact, in scattered flashes as a panicking Anakin runs through the halls of the Jedi temple.  He gives us intense focus on Anakin’s mindset while trying to land the broken halves of Invisible Hand, less on what the ship itself is doing.  He cuts away from Anakin and Obi-Wan’s final battle, toward R2D2 and C3PO as they struggle to drag a dying Padmé into her ship out of a desperation to find some small way to help her.

Revealing that Palpatine spends the entire story trying to kill Obi-Wan.  This gets hinted at in the movie, but Stover includes several moments throughout Palpatine’s “rescue” from Dooku when Palpatine sets Obi-Wan up to die, and mentions like eight other attempts on Obi-Wan’s life as orchestrated by Palpatine.  It’s a great character addition, that Palpatine assumes he cannot get Anakin to fall unless he first eliminates Obi-Wan.

Expanding Padmé’s role in the movie (set dressing, and later refrigerator filling) by having her secretly organize and launch the Rebel Alliance right under Vader and Palpatine’s noses.

Those are just examples of how Stover clearly knows the Force, gets the Force, and strives to make the Force more internally coherent.  How he sometimes translates, sometimes preserves, and always improves the pacing and tone of the film.

I haven’t even touched on the FUCKING AMAZEBALLS imagery or introspection in the book yet, but this post is getting wicked long, so I’ll go ahead and leave it here for now.  Point is, all y’all should go out immediately and get a copy from your library and/or used bookstore, because Nonny is right and it’ll change your life.

[devnicolee]

The Chosen Ones (8)

A/N: Enjoy! If you read chapter 7 like shortly after it was posted, the council scene was originally in Chapter 7 but I moved it here because that chapter was too long. So you may have already it read the first section.

This is the last chapter - I am really sad to end this series :( but I might do an epilogue or something if anyone is interested. I have been writing this for literally a year so thanks to everyone who liked and commented and read a chapter here or there. I appreciate it! 

Warnings: Smut

Word Count: 6,000 words

Pairings: M’Baku x OC

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]

Asha fidgeted nervously, sharing anxious glances with M'Baku as they waited with bated breath for her brother to enter the council meeting. They arrived back in the Golden City with mere minutes to spare before the meeting, two herbs in her pocket and a video of the garden. Shuri chastised them for giving her an ulcer during their long absence. However, she couldn’t hide the deep sigh of relief as the pair rushed through the tall gold trimmed throne room doors with triumph and hope in their eyes. 

Asha scanned the council circle, passing by M’Baku’s reassuring eyes, to connect eyes with Elder Shani. Far from her usual contempt, her eyes were filled loathing and disgust. Instinctively, Asha felt herself starting to wilt like a dying flower. But something in her pushed back, forcing her to sit up straighter and send a pointed, cold glare back at the woman. Never again would someone else’s disdain silence her or force her to cower.

Their staring match only ended when the double doors entered. They all rose from their seats, saluting T’Challa as he walked to his seat, as cool and calm as ever. They did not have to wait long before he started speaking, getting right to the point of this meeting.

"I have called this meeting because much has changed in the last 36 hours, many things revealed about the Panther Tribe. Many have questioned my fitness to be king in light of these revelations. A lesser man would sit here and defend these lies but I cannot. They were an error in judgement, an error that was not my decision to start but could have,” he sighed, “Should have been mine to end once I became King. I did not. And for that, I am sorry. A king that cannot admit his failures is no king at all, only a tyrant. I know Elder Shani has lobbied many of you, encouraged you to demand a new challen-“ 

Elder Shani jumped up from her seat, her disrespect toward the throne on display as she cut the King short. "That is right! He is not fit to be King! Not while you and your family hid this abomination.” Her finger wagged in Asha's direction, forcing all eyes toward the young woman. She sat up a bit straighter, noting the looks of fear from some, the admiration from others. 

"You expressed no qualms with our secrets when you were blackmailing my sister into an engagement with your abusive son, when it suited your needs. I have forcibly removed you from this throne room once, do not make me do it again. Sit down," T'Challa threatened, his voice low and menacing. 

The elders of the Mining and Border Tribes shared a concerned look. They had taken the time to listen to Shani's pleads, and agreed with her in many ways. But they were quickly realizing the error in taking her words as the only truth. 

"Now. I could plead my case, preach to you all about why I am fit to wear the crown of King and hold the mantle of the Black Panther. However, this conversation is not about me or my fitness. It is about our country's distrust and hatred toward the more powerful... the chosen among us... the Wakandan like my sister." He offered Asha a small smile before continuing, "Prior to today, Wakandan's future was in a precarious state. Prior to today, the mantle of Black Panther was to die with me. And if we went through with today’s challenge, the centuries-old legacy would die today. That is just one of many reasons why Elder Shani’s desires are so short sighted. However, Bast... and Hanuman, it seems, have other plans. Asha, a powerful and chosen member of this family, and Lord M'Baku, have breathed new life into our dying future."

"What do you mean?" Elder M’Kathu inquired, leaning forward with interest. 

"I shall allow my sister to show you." T'Challa nodded at Asha, giving her the cue to pull the bright purple herbs from the pouch in her lap. They attracted everyone's eyes, captivating everyone with their glistening light. 

The throne room filled with exclamations of shock, joy and excitement. 

"How is this possible?" He asked in amazement. "N’Jadaka burned all the herbs." 

"He burned all the herbs we knew of, yes. But there is another garden hidden on the edge of Jabariland. Bast led Lord M'Baku and I there. There are enough herbs on the top of that mountain to sustain the Black Panther for hundreds of years," Asha explained. 

"Without my sister, without this gift Bast bestowed upon her, we... this country would have been lost. Without the Jabari so many of you despise, we would have been lost. Bast led the first Warrior Shaman to the herb years ago to save us from tearing ourselves apart. Today, she led Asha and a Jabari there to do the same. Together, two people, who represent what so many fear, opened a door that our failures shut forever.” 

He stood up, pacing behind his chair as he spoke. 

“That is bigger than me, it is bigger than Elder Shani, and it is bigger than our ignorance. Her campaign against me is rooted in hatred, hatred for a people who just saved our country. I ask you to vote against a new challenge, not because it suits me, but because we have the opportunity to build a new Wakanda. A Wakanda built on love and mutual respect for all of Bast's and Hanuman's people, not on the unstable foundation of distrust and prejudice.” He paused. “Now Elder Shani, I believe you have a proposal to raise for our vote. I await you all’s judgement and decision.” 

Her brother’s passionate monologue was met with silence, silence as Asha watched each person introspectively think about the future they wanted, the Wakanda they wanted. 

Elder Shani stood up once more, clearly unmoved by this new discovery or her brother’s passionate speech unlike everyone else in the room. It seemed she was committed to dying on this hill and was more than willing to do so alone. “This boy speaks of a new Wakanda, a new order. Wakanda prospered for hundreds of years before King T’Challa and it will do so after him. He does not think the way we do, he does not respect our traditions and so, he should not be King. I raise the motion to invoke a new Challenge Day, so we may have a King that will respect our traditions.” 

“The motion is on the floor. Elder Shani, how do you vote?” Asha’s heart raced, praying that her faith in Elder M’Kathu and Elder Olabisi was not misplaced, that her brother’s words had swayed them to choose progress over hate. Asha felt Shuri’s hand grab hers and squeeze it tightly as they listened. 

“Yay.” 

“Lord M’Baku?” 

“Nay.” Unlike his girlfriend, who was clearly filled with nervous energy, M’Baku seemed annoyed and bored with this whole spectacle, simply ready for this to be over so they could officially move on with their lives. 

“Elder Kwame?” 

“Nay.” Nakia’s stoic and quiet father responded swiftly with a nod to his daughter who sat beside the Queen Mother. Asha’s already racing heart seemed to beat even harder as they reached the two undecided Elders, the two that had the potential to change the fate of her family forever. 

“Elder M’Kathu?”

A beat. 

“Nay.” 

Despite wanting to jump up and praise Bast, Asha maintained her composure, they all did. T’Challa offered the older man a head nod as a silent thank you for his support before finishing the roll out of obligation. For good measure, Elder Olabisi also voted against the motion, effectively leaving Elder Shani on an island alone. 

“Thank you, thank you all. I believe together we can build a stronger Wakanda. Thank you for believing in that future as well. This meeting is now adjourned and I will see everyone at the King’s Exhibition.” 

The room stood and saluted him, all except Elder Shani and her son who swept from the room as soon as the final word left T’Challa’s mouth. 

At the official end of the meeting, Asha immediately walked to her brother and wrapped him in a tight hug. 

“I am so glad I didn’t ruin everything,” she whispered in his ear, finally letting out that sigh of relief she had been holding in. She felt as if that weight finally evaporated from her shoulders. “Thank you.” 

“Thank you,” he emphasized, pulling back to look at her. “You could never ruin us, Asha. You are the best of us. You saved us  and for that, I could never thank you enough. You both,” he motioned for Shuri to join their group hug, “are the best sisters I could ask for.”  

Asha broke apart from her siblings, giving space for others to congratulate her brother, and walked toward M’Baku. He stood, in the now-repaired window she destroyed, staring down into the heart of the Golden City, which was bustling with activity and life as everyone prepared for the coming festival. 

She stood beside him, looking out at her home with something other than envy and heartache for the first time. Hope. They stood in silence for a bit, the chatter of Asha's family fading away as they slid back into their own small world. 

"Thank you, M'Baku. T-this would not have been possible without you, without the Jabari. Thank Bast you decided to concern yourself with the drama of us lowlanders," she teased.

He chuckled, his brain conjuring that moment on the fields of the Great Mound, deciding to play along with her game. He remembered exactly how that conversation went… he would never forget it. "Well, it seems you all continue to need us to save you." 

She turned briefly and smiled at his profile, leaning against the window. "Yes... it seems we do. Wakanda is forever in your debt. Perhaps she will find a way to repay you one day." She added, stealing his line.  

A tug at her arm brought her close to him, the space between them evaporating. He cupped her face, uninhibited love and adoration passing between them. Her signature sparks immediately encircling the couple as he stared down at her, the love of his life, the woman he felt Hanuman destined for him to be with until the end of his days. 

“She led me to you and now I am forever in her debt,” he whispered as his lips captured hers, the audience of her family mere feet away from them mattered little. The two kissed deeply for a few moments before a wolf whistle caused them to break away. 

Asha laughed as she looked over and saw her entire family, minus her mother, staring at the couple with shocked and excited grins. Shuri continued to cheer loudly before her brother pinched her and ushered her out of the throne room. He winked at her before allowing the doors to slam shut and giving them some much-needed privacy. 

“Come to Jabariland.” 

“What?” 

“Later this week. I-I need to head back tonight and you should spend time with your siblings. But come to Jabariland for a few days, spend some time together where you aren’t almost dying and I am not having to save that brother of yours.” 

Asha mulled it over in her head. Though she figured her brother would be slightly annoyed at her absence from some of the festival events, she yearned for the private and uninterrupted time with M’Baku. She had not truly rested in the last 4 days, had not taken a real breath. There, they could finally do that together. 

“I would love to.” 

****

“Nakia!” Asha smiled as she threw some more clothes in a bag and beckoned her friend into her bedroom. She eyed Nakia and the medium-sized gift bag in her hand suspiciously as one of her closest friends sat down on her king-sized bed. 

“What is that?” Asha asked, gesturing toward the bag as she pulled a dress off the hanger. 

Nakia smiled slyly, “We will get to that in a second. First, I just wanted to see how you were doing. The last few days… weeks, years frankly, have been tough for you.” 

Asha smiled and reached across the bed to squeeze her future queen’s hand. Nakia was the big sister she didn’t have but always hoped for. And she knew she would be the perfect queen for them all.

“I am good, Nakia. Fantastic, actually. I got what I wanted, T’Challa’s position and title are safe. Everything is good now.” 

Nakia nodded but Asha could see the speculation in her eyes, the look that called her positive attitude into question. 

“Yes. All of that is true. But look at what it took to get there? Your father died, you watched your brother get murdered, you endured verbal abuse from all sides, you almost died… twice, according to M’Baku. I’ve seen enough of this world to know a happy ending doesn’t mean the road to them wasn’t paved with trauma and pain. It’s just… I’ve seen what happens when people don’t address what it took to get them what they wanted, what it cost them. I don’t want that for you, nor does your brother. Just, if you ever want to talk, let me know?” 

Asha bowed her head, she didn’t like to think Nakia was right. What mattered most, in her mind, was the fact that they were ok now. But she could not ignore all the tragedies littered throughout her life, the scars they left. She couldn’t pretend like those wounds of her chains healed just because she escaped them. 

“You will be my first call, I promise.” Asha came around to sit on the bed next to her. “Thank you for being here for me.” 

Nakia smiled and squeezed her hand. She pushed the bag toward the young girl. “Always. Now onto the fun part of my visit. This is for you.”

Asha grinned brightly as she excitedly tore the tissue paper out of the bag and pulled out several pieces of lingerie, her grin fading slightly with shock.

“Nakia,” she whined. “What is all this??” 

“It is for your trip. Essential wear.” 

“’Essential wear??’ N-Nakia, I d-don’t think we are going to get there yet.” She let the skimpy Burgundy lace fall back into the bag, laughing lightly. 

“Maybe you won’t, but maybe you will. Look, I see the way Lord M’Baku looks at you - he is ready to rip those clothes off your body every time you’re in the same room. He wants to show you the might of the Jabari, FIRST HAND!” Both girls laughed at her callback to M’Baku’s epic entrance at the battle on the Great Mound. “And if that is what you want, you should.” 

“I am sure my brother does not know about this part of your visit,” Asha mused. 

“No, he doesn’t,” Nakia admitted. “Because it isn’t his business, or mine, to be frank. I just wanted you to be prepared if you decide to travel down that road. Essential wear for the journey.”

She threw Asha a wink before leaving her to mull over her thoughts. Asha didn’t understand her own hesitation. Perhaps she was just overthinking it. The cave… it was spur of the moment, natural, intimate and unexpected. All their best moments were just that… unexpected. They produced magic when she didn’t have time to analyze or second guess, when she just lived in the moment with him. And here she was overanaylzing and second guessing. Her fingers fiddled with the edge of the gift bag as she thought. Nakia was right; M’Baku wanted her and she wanted him, desperately so. She pulled each piece of lingerie out, eyeing each one with speculation. They left little to the imagination but they were gorgeous. She slipped both into her suitcase. 

Just in case. 

****

“Try not to destroy the palace while I’m gone eh?” She implored as she gave Shuri a hug outside. 

Shuri, who looked like someone had just stolen her pet panther, nodded sadly. “You’ll call me tomorrow right? Make sure they haven’t turned you into an anti-vibranium fanatic?” 

Asha laughed, “Yes I will call you tomorrow, I promise. Don’t look so glum, I will be back in a few days.” 

“I know, it is just hard to say bye to you. I am usually begging for this one to get out of here.” Asha laughed as T’Challa clutched his imaginary pearls in faux offense. “But you are the constant of our triangle. It’s not the same without you.”  

Asha’s nose wrinkled, shocked to see her sister so despondent about her leaving. She glanced at T’Challa, whose face was also a bit crestfallen but he did a better job of hiding it. 

“Come on guys! I’m gonna be gone for a few days, a week tops. I have to come back… all my clothes are here,” she joked, trying to lighten the mood. Her joke only earned her small chuckles much to her dismay. 

“Would you want it to be permanent, though?”

“What do you mean?” 

“Would you want to live in Jabariland? With M’Baku?” T’Challa asked, already knowing the answer even if she didn’t yet. 

“I hadn’t thought about it honestly. Maybe, one day.” Under her siblings’ knowing stares, she amended her statement. “But M’Baku and I are trying to go slow, take our time. We have been dating for two days, I doubt he is redecorating the Lodge for me yet.”

T’Challa and Shuri shared a knowing glance that didn’t go unnoticed before ushering her toward the plane, a sudden 180 turn from their original despondent looks. “What was that look for?” 

T’Challa smiled, “Nothing. We just think you are underestimating the speed of the Jabari. Have fun sister. Try not to burn Jabariland down while you are there,” he winked. 

“Too soon, brother… too soon,” she chuckled before waving them goodbye as the Talon ramp closed and the plane sped off. 

****

“M’Baku! It was foolish to think you could redecorate your quarters in three days,” N’Danna reminded him as the man rearranged furniture and put new things he got at the market out. “I thought she had been here once, I am sure she likes it just fine.” 

M’Baku scoffed, “I do not want her to like it. I want her to want to live in it. I spoke to T’Challa to learn a bit more about her, things she liked. I picked up a few things from being in her office but he gave me some other ideas. I commissioned two new paintings from her favorite artist but those won’t be here until her next visit, Olabisi was able to make her flowers again,” he pointed to the red-orange tipped roses on the bedside table, “I put them on this side of the bed because… well, does liking sunsets mean you also like the sunrise? I have only slept with her twice so who knows if she is a morning person. Oh but T’Challa said she really doesn’t need much sleep so… Oh look at these… I just got them carved.” 

He rushed to the bag by the door and pulled out a box that contained wooden panthers and rhinos. He laid them on the coffee table in his lounge area, excitedly looking from them to N’Danna like a child showing off a new toy. 

“You have been inside the mind of a woman, you think she will like them?” 

“Relax brother. She will love all of it, they are… cute.” 

M’Baku nodded, taking some of his older carvings down and sliding the animals into their place, putting one by her side of his bed. Just as he was examining the room, looking for another thing to move or switch out to expel his nervous energy, Kide popped his head in. 

“The Talon is approaching, my Lord. About 5 minutes out.” 

M’Baku nodded, rubbing his hands together nervously. He nodded at N’Danna to walk with him toward the landing outside the Lodge. 

“Oh N’Danna, I need one more favor.” 

N’Danna rolled his eyes before they bugged out of his head, his chief’s passing thoughts cueing him into the favor before the words left his mouth. “A-are you serious? M’Baku? So soon?” 

M’Baku sighed, it didn’t feel too soon to him. “I have known since the moment I first spoke to her. I do not need to see anything else. I-I do not need anymore time. And I don’t think she does either.” 

N’Danna stood and pulled the man into an embrace. “Congrats. I will get everything squared away for you. Don’t worry about a thing. Just spend time with your girl.” 

The two men shook hands before N’Danna took off in the opposite direction and M’Baku headed to greet Asha. 

This time when Asha stepped off the plane and into the fresh snow of Jabariland, it felt totally different. She was still nervous but not in the anxiety sort of way. It was nervous excitement filling her belly. She didn’t have to wait long before M’Baku rushed forward and swept her into a tight hug.  

“I have missed you.” 

“I missed you too,” she whispered, kissing his lips.  

Their hands joined, her fear of burning him long gone and almost forgotten. She felt sort of out of place as she walked, soldiers saluting her and M’Baku as they strolled through the Lodge. 

“I hope you do not mind but I was hoping you would stay in my quarters this trip. But I had your room from your last visit set up for you, should that make you more comfortable.” 

Asha smiled, appreciative of the sweet but unnecessary gesture. Where ever he was, that’s where she wanted to be. 

“Your quarters are perfect, thank you.” 

And thus started, what Asha could only describe as three magical days with the love of her life. M’Baku spent half of the day working, during which a guard would take Asha down to the market. She spent most of her time chatting with Olabisi, who told her thrilling tales of the Jabari and The Chosen, stories Asha imagined she would have read in that book, had she ever gotten past the first page. She explained all the different powers the Chosen in the tribe had now: flight, chlorokinesis, elemental control like Asha, mind reading, telepathy, invisibility… they were as diverse as they were powerful. She offered book recommendations for Asha, which she immediately went and found in the Lodge’s library. 

After, she just roamed the market, under the watchful eye of one of M’Baku’s guards. She stopped at every merchant asking them every question she could think of about their work and life in Jabariland. She sat and watched the wood makers carve Jabari wood and knobkerries. Every day she met someone new, learned something new, and basked in the beauty of Wakanda’s most plentiful resource: her people. This is what she knew she was missing her whole life. This was her freedom, to be among her people. No one was afraid of her here, no one cared about her powers. She watched all day as Chosen used their powers to help get things done faster and more efficiently, assistance that was not only accepted but appreciated. Asha thought back to her conversation with her brother, about potentially living here permanently. And she knew, in her heart, she could… that she wanted to. Jabariland was starting to feel more like home than the Golden City ever had. 

After leaving the market and shops, she would meet M’Baku for a late lunch and then he would take her to his favorite spots around the Lodge and mountains. They would hike each evening, catching the sunset at a spot, Asha giddy like a child at every single one. Her third night, he even had a picnic set up waiting for her at the end of their hike. 

“How was the market today?” M’Baku asked as they walked back to his bedroom after returning from their hike. 

“Amazing as always. I met this man, he said he has been carving Jabari wood since he was 10. He made the cutest rhino figurine for me - I am going to give it to Okoye. He was so nice and just told me about all the different things he carves and all the Jabari symbols, what they mean. Oh I met the Chief Fisherman and his husband at their shop. They were so sweet, told me all about their daughter who, apparently, wants to be an engineer like Shuri. I will have to tell her, maybe on my next visit she can come and meet her? Do you think she would like that? I think Shuri would be really excited.” 

M’Baku smiled brightly, listening to her go on and on about the Jabari, all stories he already knew as Chief but there was something about hearing her say it. The excitement and passion for the people she was meeting… she sounded like she born for the title of Queen of Jabariland.

“What? Am I rambling? I am rambling, aren’t I?” She asked as she noted the look on his face. 

“No, no not at all. I just like seeing you like this. So excited about the people here.” 

“Well, the Jabari are the first Wakandans I have had a conversation for longer than five minutes with. To be among the people, learn their names and their stories? There is nothing better. I didn’t realize how much I was missing, how much joy it brings. Thank you,” she stretched her body and kissed him gently on his lips. 

In lieu of responding, he just wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in deeper for a long, passionate kiss. After a few moments, they broke apart, Asha muttering that she wanted to take a shower after such a journey. The hikes still didn’t seem to bother M’Baku, but Asha always felt like she had endured a rigorous workout afterward.

M’Baku shook his head slightly. He understood and respected her desire to go slow. But that wasn’t making it any easier. He wanted her so badly it hurt. But he wanted her to be ready. 

After her shower, Asha stood in his mirror, giving herself a pep talk as she examined the dark red lace lingerie on her slender frame in the mirror. Though there was always something she could find wrong, aside from the blemishes she could not get rid of in 5 minutes, even she could admit that she looked good… sexy even. She whispered confident words to herself before opening the bathroom door. His back was to her as he stood, looking out his window. Her walk faltered for a minute, her confidence fading fast as she realized she would have to actually get his attention. 

He wants you. You want him. You can do this.

“M’Baku,” she whispered. He turned around slightly at the sound of his name, doing a double take as he realized what exactly covered her beautiful frame. 

“Usana,” he breathed quietly as she had literally stolen his breath and ability to speak. He had never been rendered speechless by a woman before, usually he had that effect on them. But here his goddess stood, more beautiful than anything he had seen on this Earth. His eyes studied the smooth brown skin peeking through the triangle cut outs of her bra and panty set, studied her so closely as if he had to commit her to memory.  

“You like it, my love?” She teased, his inability to form words fueling her confidence as she walked toward him, her fingers trailing up his biceps once she was in arm’s length of him. 

“Who wouldn’t? You are a vision, sithandwa sam” He whispered back before gently grabbing the back of her thighs and hoisting her up. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his midsection as he carried her to his bed. She quickly found herself laying on her back among the mountain of soft white furs covering his bed. He stared down at her for a moment, soaking in her beauty. This is how he always wanted to see her… wild and unreserved. 

He leaned over and kissed her deeply before creating a path of kisses down her body. Her body and mind knew his end destination, her quiet squirms begged him to make the journey there faster. But he didn’t care, he wanted to take his time… watch her come undone piece by piece. His mouth explored her soft, supple skin, kissing or gently biting every available and exposed inch. Soft moans escaped her lips, a sensual symphony to his ears. 

“M’Baku, please,” she begged as he placed soft kisses everywhere but where she needed it most. Asha’s eyes clenched shut in anticipation and her hands gripped the furs on his bed as his lips finally reached the promise land of her sensitive bud. Her back arched slightly as he sucked on her clit, sending shockwaves through her body. His thick finger entered her, curling immediately into her g-spot, increasing her pleasure tenfold. 

“Fuck… M’B-Baku… don’t stop, please,” she begged. Unnecessary words because stopping was the furthest thing from his mind. He was doing Hanuman’s work, pouring all the love and adoration she missed out on in her life into her, showing her what it meant to be worshipped and adored as she deserved. He had no intention of stopping that important work. Hell, he could do this all night. 

Asha’s eyes clenched shut as she rode the waves of passion and pure ecstasy his mouth and hands were providing. His eyes never left her face as he devoured what was now his favorite meal, each moan, groan, and plead for mercy or more spurring him on. Her thighs clamped around his head as he pushed her farther up the mountain of desire. He inserted a second finger in her as she grew louder, signaling that her orgasm was near. 

It didn’t take long of his expert ministrations for Asha to feel that snap that led to the most life-altering orgasm of her life, years of self-pleasure paled in comparison. She let out a continuous stream of praise and curse words as she road the waves of bliss. 

“That’s it, come for me my queen. Hanuman, you are beautiful.” 

He emerged from between her legs, immediately kissing her deeply. The smell of smoke caught both of their attention at the same time, pulling them out of their own little world of pleasure and passion to find smoke rising from the comforter. A large black patch of burnt fur now staining his white fur blanket. Asha quickly removed the smoke from the air before hitting herself in the forehead, embarrassment and frustration quickly sliding onto her face. 

“I am so sorry, M’Baku! Ugh, I h-have never done this, especially without the rings. I-I didn’t know that would-“ He captured her lips to shut her up, laughing lightly. 

“It is just a blanket, my love. I have five more just like it in the closet. And if we burn all of those, I can get fifty more made. Take a deep breath. I do not care about that.”

She nodded, laughing lightly before recapturing his lips. There he was again, pulling her back from the cliffs just as she was about to tumble down with such ease and care. Her anxieties and frustrations melted away as he kissed her, her hands drifting down toward his pants, preparing to pull them down.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to do this.” 

His breathy whispers in her ear made her want him even more, despite the content of his words. 

“I want you. I want this.” She offered him an encouraging smile before he stood up and pulled his pants and boxers off. Her voice hitched and eyes widened as she took him in. He was more than she could have ever imagined… in every way. The bed dipped as he climbed back on top of her. Every second felt like cruel and unusual punishment as she waited, every pleasure sensor in her body begging and pleading to be catered to. 

She gasped as he pushed into her, her body wholly unaccustomed to being stretched this much before. It was painful, as she expected, but she could already feel the pleasure brewing underneath… the pleasure that made getting passed this uncomfortable part worth it. He kissed her softly and whispered sweet nothings into her ears as he slowly slid into her. She was thankful he was a thoughtful and gentle lover, her mind briefing thinking about the bullet she dodged with Hasani, who wouldn’t have cared how painful the experience was for her. 

It didn’t take long for the pain to quickly fade into earth shattering, mind-blowing pleasure as M’Baku started his slow and steady strokes into her. His dick curved right into her g-spot, forcing moans and words of love and adoration at the end of every stroke.

“How does it feel, my queen?” 

“F-fuck, M’Baku,” she panted as he rocked into her, slowing picking up the pace as her moans grew louder and her orgasm approached. “Feels… so.. g-good. D-don’t stop.” 

M’Baku’s never-ending stamina meant that stopping wasn’t in the cards for him anytime soon. Through orgasm after orgasm, the couple spent the evening completely enthralled in passionate love-making. His quarters soaked up the screams and moans of the princess of Wakanda as they transitioned between positions and he took her to places she never knew possible. She lost track of the orgasms he pulled from the depths of her soul throughout the night. She was completely spent by the time M’Baku came and rolled off her. 

She shifted to her side lazily to watch him walk to the bathroom, eyes half closed. “How are you not exhausted?” 

“The might of the Jabari,” he called from the bathroom. When he returned, he sat down next to her and cleaned her up with a warm wet towel before climbing into bed. She shifted to lay on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as they fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

***

“My princess?” 

Asha looked up from her spot curled up in an oversized arm chair in the library to find Kide looking at her. After last night, she didn’t really have the energy to walk around the market today and M’Baku had a long day of meeting so she opted to stay in the library and snuggle up by the window to read. 

“Asha will do just fine,” she reminded the young guard as she slide her bookmark in place. 

“Asha, Lord M’Baku has asked that I escort you to your spot on the west mountains. He will meet you there. The carriage is waiting outside.” 

Asha’s nose wrinkled at the break in their tradition of hiking to the various spots together but she let go of it rather quickly. She imagined that the only reason he would break their tradition was for some sort of surprise. And while she had no earthly idea what it could be, she certainly didn’t want to ruin it by messing up his plans. 

She followed Kide outside, one foot in the carriage before an idea struck her. 

“Kide?” 

“Yes?” 

“C-could we maybe get there a different way?” 

Kide’s eyes widened before a smile graced his face. “Are you sure?” 

“Well, the last time I tried it… I almost died? So I figure I could use the practice?” 

She wasn’t sure if her black jumpsuit, while insanely cute, was functional for flying. But she decided not to let that stop her. She looked up to find Kide already circling her head, waiting for her. 

I can do this. I can do this. She chanted before pushing off of the ground. She wobbled a bit before finding her balance and propelling herself higher into the sky next to him. The cold air whipped against her face as she flew behind Kide, slightly lower than him, around the mountains. She looked down and she could see everyone walking around below them, the occasionally hand pointed up or waving at them as they flew past. 

The higher they climbed up the side of the mountain, the more her eyes watered. However, she continued to push forward. She followed close behind Kide, circling the clearing she knew too well before diving behind him to land. The first thing she heard was applause when her feet touched the white snow. She turned to find M’Baku sitting on a rock, waiting for her, a bright smile on his face. 

“Thank you, Kide.” 

“Any time, my princess.” He turned and walked back to the guards waiting on the snow-covered road by the carriage. She turned her attention to M’Baku, noting the nervous look in his eyes, the way his hands fidgeted with his fur collar. 

He didn’t say anything as he approached her, holding out his hand. She immediately placed her small one into his. They stared out at the horizon, the sky starting to fill with the oranges and yellows of sunset. 

“Asha…” 

She quickly turned her attention back to him, facing him as their fingers interlocked. 

“I-I had this whole speech written out b-but seeing you here… I just… I am in love with you, Asha Udaka. My love for you has only grown stronger and deeper since the moment you walked into my throne room filled with grief and pain. And since then, I have witnessed you step into your power, into who you are and demand acceptance from the people who would deny you with the power and grace of a Queen. I don’t know what Hanuman has for my future but I know I want you in it… I need you in it. I don’t need anymore time to know you are the love of my life. We have proven that our love can melt away even the toughest of hardships, that this… w-what we share is unlike anything else in this world. And I know you will make a beautiful and compassionate Queen. And so…”

Asha expelled a shaky breath as M’Baku spoke. She had a feeling she knew where this was heading but she wouldn’t dare let herself believe it until he said the words. She watched as he pulled two wooden bands out of his pocket. The tears streaming down her face obscured her vision slightly but she knew exactly what those meant. Her mind called back to one of the many books she had read over the last few days, one detailing the engagement tradition of the Jabari. The dark brown wooden bracelet was the standard tribe engagement band, engraved with Jabari symbols that represented the future they would build together. But the gold one, reserved only for the tribe’s chieftess, carried a small inscription chosen by M’Baku. 

“Will you marry me?” 

“Y-yes, yes! 100 times yes,” she whispered immediately. She didn’t need to think about it, didn’t need more time. Her love for M’Baku… she knew nothing like it in this world. And here he was, offering her a future she thought she would never get to have. “I love you so much.” 

Her hand shook slightly as he slid the bracelets onto her arm and wrapped his arms around her. He peppered her face with soft kisses as she laughed, pure joy radiating off them. They only stopped when Asha heard cheering from around them. 

“What is th-“ she turned to find all the important people in her life emerging from the trees. Shuri was the first to rush toward her, running into her like a small train as she always did. Her crying intensified as she hugged her sister and looked at T’Challa, Nakia, Okoye and all the Dora behind her. 

Shuri released her and T’Challa wrapped her in a tight hug, wiping away the tears that streamed down her face. 

“D-did you all k-know about this?” 

“We may have had an idea or two. Congratulations, Asha. T-this is truly amazing.” 

Asha shared hugs with everyone as they offered her congratulations, before returning to M’Baku’s side. The guards brought out rum from the carriage for the group to toast, passing cups around for each person. 

Asha felt as though her heart was so full it may burst at the seams, her happiness almost overwhelming. 

“Lord M’Baku, if I may? A toast!” T’Challa called out, raising his glass. “To my younger sister, Asha and Lord M’Baku. I don’t know if I have ever met two people more destined for each other than you. We are so happy for you, you both deserve the world and I know you have that and more here. Congratulations and here is to many more sunsets together.” 

Asha’s smile could have lit up all of Jabariland as she listened to her brother. They toasted and drank rum as they watched the sun fall below the horizon together. Asha nestled herself into her fiancé’s side as she looked around at the people she loved and who loved her immensely. Bast was right, Asha’s life was overflowing with love and her future with hope. She couldn’t wait to spend every moment of it surrounded by M’Baku, T’Challa, Shuri, Nakia and Okoye… the people she loved most in this whole world. Their journey had been long and rugged, but every step brought her to this summit. And it was worth it. 

****

Tag List: @destinio1 @muse-of-mbaku @jellybean531 @skysynclair19 @ashanti-notthesinger @gloriousgam3r @archivistofwakanda @leahnicole1219 @mygirlrenee @dramaqueeenamby

[inevitably-johnlocked]

What are your favorite hurt/comfort fics? It can be on or off your lists

Hey Lovely!

Ahh, I have a LOT of Hurt/Comfort fics! So much so that I'm gonna use your ask to post up yet another list of them! So YAY! Check these ones out! I've even more than this list, this just happens to be the one I have ready-to-go :) Enjoy!

HURT / COMFORT Pt 3: 10 to 50 K WORDS

See also:

Hurt / Comfort Pt. 1: Under 5K Words

Hurt / Comfort Pt. 2: 5K to 10K Words

POV Sherlock 3rd Person Pt 2: Hurt/Comfort & Whump

Someone I Love by hudders-and-hiddles (M, 10,002 w., 2 Ch. || Canon Compliant, HLV-Filler Fic, Pre-Slash, Jealous John, PIning Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, UST/URT, Dog Tags) – John gets married and Sherlock finds comfort in wearing John's identity tags around his wrist.

Watching You Die by laureleaf (T, 10,340 w., 11 Ch. || Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Suicide, Switching POVs, Sort-of Reverse Reichenbach, Whump) – John watched Sherlock die three years ago, and Sherlock just watched John die. But neither of them are actually dead. Now an AU, with nods to "The Adventure of the Empty House". Lots of angst and post-Reichenbach feels. No slash.

The Haunting of 221B Baker Street by earlgreytea68 (M, 10,388 w., 2 Ch. || Post TRF, Halloween / Ghosts, Pining Sherlock, Ghost Sherlock, Stroppy Sherlock, Sherlock POV, First Kiss/Time, Angry Sex, Ghost Sex, Love Confessions, Open / Ambiguous Ending) – In which Sherlock Holmes is a ghost.

A Is For Aftermath by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 10,567 w., 1 Ch. || Injury, John Whump, Hurt / Comfort, Friendship / Pre-Slash, Bromance / Platonics, Hallucinations, Introspection, Insecure / Worried John, Big Brother Mycroft, Alternating POV, Anxious Sherlock, Self-Deprecating, Mildly Possessive Sherlock) – John is still hallucinating, Sherlock cannot sleep, and Lestrade has a new case for them. But will life at 221B ever be able to return to normal? Epilogue to M is for Moriarty.

We Might Not Make It Home by Ballykissangel (K+, 10,702 w., 4 Ch. || Angst, Hurt/Comfort, No Slash / Bromance) – A few months later they are on a case that has gone horribly wrong They find themselves gravely wounded and locked in a cellar Holding onto to each other and trying their best to stay alive Sherlock can't bring himself to say another goodbye to his dying friend and John can't find the will to live anymore and just wants to stop hurting. Sequel to When Evening Falls So Hard.

The Dying Doctor by Transcendental Starlight (T, 11,258 w., 3 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Sick John / John Whump, ACD Rewrite, No Slash / Platonic Friendship) – Loosely based off ACD's "The Dying Detective." Sherlock relives a case that should have killed him, but instead resulted in John being hospitalized for a deadly disease. Sherlock endeavours to catch the murderer, while attempting to envision a future without John Watson.

Sherlock's Sleeping Habits by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 11,424 w., 16 Ch. || Friendship, Sleepy Sherlock, One Shot Collection, Fluff, Domestics) – In which John learns about Sherlock's sleeping habits. Series of unrelated oneshots featuring the one and only ADORABLE Sleepy!Lock! Fluff abounds.

Catastrophe Medicine by LaSuen (T, 11,550 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt / Comfort, Suspense, Adventure, Whump, Hard Core Bromance) – Chasing after a pyromaniac bomber Sherlock and John wind up in a deserted building which explodes and leaves them trapped under the rubble, both severely injured.

The River Variations by withoutawish (T, 11,619 w., 1 Ch. || Soulmates, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, John Whump / Stabbing, Romance, Light Case Fic, Near Death Experience, Angst and Fluff) – John Watson never knew that he wanted a ‘no toast in the mornings’ normal until he realized what an honour it is to be destroyed by Sherlock Holmes.

I See You Through by belovedmuerto (T, 12,078 w., 8 Ch. || Psychic AU || Empath John, Alternate TGG, Whump, Nightmares, Bedsharing, Slow Burn, Pre-Slash) –John has never asked Sherlock about his past, his childhood, the reason he quails in lonely misery almost every time he sees his brother. He’s never needed to. Part 2 of An Experiment in Empathy

The Hand You're Dealt by Lady Sam Mallory (T, 12,092 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Light Violence, BAMF John, Doctor John, Injury, Friendship) –Sherlock, John and several others are trapped in a building when an explosion disrupts the crime scene they are working.

Out of the Darkness by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (M, 12,165 w+, 2/? Ch. || WIP || Post S3/TAB Compliant, Death, Overdose, Heavy Angst, Whump, Mary is Not Nice) – John Watson has long assumed Sherlock Holmes is immune to sentiment, "doesn't feel things that way." Sherlock, however, would do anything for the person he loves most in the world, including putting himself in danger while keeping John in the dark in hopes of keeping him safe. Tired of being left behind, John is running a strategy of his own. Unfortunately things do not go as planned for either of them. And as John lays bleeding, Sherlock finally allows himself to say the things he’s always meant to... This is the story of love, forgiveness and finally making right all the wrongs in these two men's lives.

A Building of Bridges by Unique (K, 12,325 w., 3 Ch. || Drama, Alternate First Meeting, John’s PTSD / Flashbacks, Mute John, Dialogue-Heavy, Caring Sherlock, Friendship) – No one would ever send Sherlock in to diffuse a stand-off; but on one unlikely day, that's exactly what happened. "Congratulations, Lestrade," he called out sarcastically. "You're traumatizing a war veteran."

Always the sun by Rose de Sharon (K+, 12,377 w., 3 Ch. || Song Fic, Alternate Post-TGG, Friendship/Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection / Reflection, Injury Recovery, Obsessive / Protective Sherlock, Nightmares, John’s Past, Bed Sharing / Cuddles) – Sherlock ponders about how much his life has changed since John has become his flatmate.

And Here We Are by J_Baillier (T, 12,416 w., 2 Ch. || ASiP Fic, Alternating First Person POV, Drama, Friendship, Mild Case Fic, Autism Spectrum Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Protective John, Pining, Homophobia, Loneliness, Angst, Humour, Domestics, Morbid Fluff, Kidnapping) – All the little things we never got to see when an army doctor and a consulting detective were adjusting to sharing a flat. And a life.

I Need You To See Me by Mssmithlove (E, 12,625 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Amnesia, Soldier!John) – After going back to war, John is yet again invalided home, this time with a broken ankle and a chunk of his memory missing, unable to recall the last five years he's spent being Sherlock Holmes' partner and husband. Part 9 of Happiness Awaits

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

holding steady by darcylindbergh (E, 12,724 w., 4 Ch. || Post S4, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Growing Old, Gone Fishing, Mood without Plot, Soft Sherlock, Caring Sherlock, POV John Third Person, Anxious Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Touching, Feeling Old, Sherlock Worship, Crying Sherlock, Cuddles, Comforting, Introspection, Retirement, Hand Holding, Forehead Kisses, Caring John, Bed Sharing, Emotional Love Making) – Sitting on a thick wool blanket at the end of a rickety dock side-by-side, legs dangling over the edge, a styrofoam container of wet, dark dirt between them, they’re fishing. John knows what this is about. This is about finally figuring it out.

The Velveteen Doctor by Lantean_Drift (M, 12,815 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Developing Relationship, Introspection, Mild Whump, Taking Care of Each Other) – A series of events that show John just how real he has become to Sherlock – like a bright, brilliant flash of colour in an otherwise greyscale world.

I'm content as we are (but) by inqui (E, 13,086 w., 1 Ch. || Jealous John, UST/RST, Pining, Victor Trevor, Minor Whump, First Kiss / Time, Misunderstandings) – In which John Watson sees something unusual, becomes jealous, and makes too much of a small thing as an old friend of Sherlock's shows up in the middle of a case.

Understanding by rizandace (T, 13,268 w., 15 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Worried Sherlock, John Whump Then Sherlock Whump) – Sherlock's hiding something about his newest case, and John wants answers. Set post-TGG. Friendship fic, mostly, with brief entrances from Harry and Lestrade just for fun.

First Response by Arwen Jade Kenobi (T, 13,516 w., 6 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Five and Ones, Whump / Injury) – Five times John had to perform first aid on Sherlock and one time Sherlock had to perform it on John.

On The Fence by BeautifulFiction (T, 13,770 w., 1 Ch. || Fencing, Case Fic, First Kiss, Insecure John, Pining John, Hug, Greg Finds Out) – The murder of the King's College fencing champion leads to revelations about Sherlock's past. Will it be the point that tips them from friends to lovers, or will they remain on the fence?

The Meaning of Sacrifice by arts_and_letters (T, 14,101+ w., 6/? Ch. || WIP || Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sherlock Whump) – Sherlock has risked life and limb to protect John Watson, sacrificing his freedom and safety to fulfill his last vow. When Sherlock comes back bruised and battered from his second exile, will John's love be enough to help Sherlock heal? And will John ever know the truth behind Sherlock's enigmatic farewell?

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Developing Relationship, Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world's only consulting detective will be on his own once again...or will he?

The Haze by Ulura (T, 15,381 w., 12 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Whump, Turmoil, Mystery, Worried Sherlock, Mycroft Helps Sherlock, Flashbacks, Blood, Kidnapped John) – Sherlock wakes up, injured and confused on the floor of 221b, the last two days a complete blank. He must struggle not only to recover but to figure out what happened to him and most importantly, find his missing friend John Watson.

Lacuna by coloredink (E, 15,607 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Consent Issues, Drama, Amnesia) – God, it must have been terrible, to think that he would never have this again.

Partners in Crime by Richefic (T, 16,560 w., 5 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Sick John, Meddling Mycroft, Caring Sherlock, Domestics) – John Watson receives some devastating news which puts a spanner in his medical ambitions. Will Sherlock prove capable of the kind of comfort and reassurance he needs or will their partnership be ended before its even begun? Set between 1.1 and 1.2.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

I Will Take Care Of You by SailorChibi (T, 16,664 w., 15 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Sick Sherlock, BAMF John, BAMF Lestrade, Reunion Fic) – Two years after Sherlock's death, John comes to find him on the sofa. Wounded and ill, Sherlock is convinced he's hallucinating and refuses to share any details about Moran or the fact that Mycroft has been compromised. That doesn't stop John from stepping up and taking care of the last of Moriarty's web, BAMF-style.

Hope for Heroes by Richefic (K+, 16,887 w., 5 Ch. || Post-TGG Fic, Introspection / Flashbacks, Friendship/Epic Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Worried/Anxious Sherlock, Sherlock Admires John, BAMF John, John Deduces, Fancy Party, John’s Self Esteem, Domestics) – In the final moments of "The Great Game" Holmes hopes he will have the chance to tell his flatmate that he was wrong. Heroes do exist after all and the one in front of him is called Dr John Watson.

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination?, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

Between Friends by SilentAuror (E, 18,036 w., 1 Ch. || Post S3, Alternating POV, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Abduction, Awkward Situations / Miscommunications, Porn With Feels, Blowjobs, Pining, Unrequited, Angst With Happy Ending) – Sherlock gets abducted. As John discovers him tied up naked in an empty storage facility and comes to rescue him, Sherlock's body has an unfortunate reaction which triggers a series of events. John is convinced that everything will be fine as long as they never discuss it. Sherlock isn't as sure...

I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

The dying Doctor by marylouleach (T, 21,168 w., 11 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, John Whump) – Doctor Watson is gunned down in a dark alley after work, Sherlock wont rest until he finds the man responsible. Guilt riddles him when he realizes he could have prevented this.

5 Times John Got the Girl (and lost her) and 1 Time John Got the Guy (and kept him) by LiviKate (M, 21,695 w., 6 Ch. || 5 and Ones, Kissing, Oblivious / Awkward Sherlock, BAMF / Sexy / Stud John, Embarrassed John, John’s Scar, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Sherlock) – John has always had good luck with the ladies. He's charming, friendly and funny, not to mention great in bed. However, his usual skill with the opposite sex is constantly being thwarted by Sherlock and his outbursts. How will John ever get a leg over when Sherlock is always cockblocking him?

Knotted by naughtyspirit (E, 23,166 w., 4 Ch. || UST/URT, Cuddling, Sharing Body Heat, Confessions, Kissing, Masturbation, Frustration, BAMF!John) – John has to cancel a date because of Sherlock's case, which leads them to be tied up in a basement from which they have to escape. They get wet, get tied up close and John has to step up and save them. Because he's pretty. And hot. And just a little bit of a BAMF. 

The Kepler Problem by kinklock (E, 24,270 w., 1 Ch. || Sci-Fi AU, Alien Sherlock, Space Repairman John, Alien Biology, Horny John) – Working in uncharted space exploration was not as exciting as John had hoped, especially when it turned out to be mostly bot maintenance on uninhabited planets. However, the mystery of the repeated, unexplained malfunctions on planet BAK 2212 might turn out to be exactly the kind of adventure he'd been craving.

Among the Secret Things by Kate_Lear (E, 26,073 w., 14 Ch. || Angst, Drama, Amnesia) – Sherlock would be the last person to describe himself as given to flights of fancy, but at the look on Lestrade’s face he could swear that something inside him curls up and dies. Part 1 of Among the Secret Things

Rupert Street by WritingOutLoud (M, 27,262 w., 9 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting || Case Fic, Sexuality, Demisexual Sherlock, Drugging, Smart John, Sherlock Has Internalized Biphobia, Fluff, Angst with Happy Ending, Gay Bar, Flirting, John Manipulates Sherlock to Eat, John Deduces, Arguments, Kidnapping/Torture, Hospitalization, John Whump) – Discharged from the war with nothing but the clothes on his back and a realisation of his bisexuality, John Watson has to learn who he’s become. He can’t afford London on an army pension, but the city is the only friend he has. In an effort to understand his newfound queer identity, he heads to a bar one night, where he stumbles across a mysterious stranger who turns his life upside down. ‘I dug around inside myself, and I'm not quite sure what I found, but it was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time.’

And A Doctor by StillWaters1 (T, 27,393 w., 6 Ch. || Friendship, Doctor John, Whump, Soldier / Doctor Dichotomy, Five and One) – It was only when people actually saw John working as a physician that they began to understand: that it wasn't just about bullets and IEDs and trauma care under fire. That "doctor" actually covered a pretty wide field. And that John was bloody good at covering ground. 5 times Dr. Watson treated others and 1 time he treated himself.

26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Past Abuse) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn't simple.

The Wisteria Tree by SilentAuror (E, 29,773 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Emotional Love Making, Amnesia/Memory Loss, Sherlock Loves John So Much, Sherlock POV, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, First Times, Hurt/Comfort, Est. Rel., Retirement) – Sherlock wakes up from a month-long coma only to discover that he has no memory of the previous six years to his own shock as well as John's...

Silhouettes by allonsys_girl (E, 28,585 w., 7 Ch. || Canon Compliant, POV John, Heavy Drinking, Sad/Depressed John, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Reunion, Foot Jobs, Blow Jobs, Infidelity, Cheating, Drug Use/Abuse, Anal, Switchlock, Rimming, Parentlock) – Sherlock and John find comfort in each other's arms, but as ever with these two, it's not your typical relationship. It's fluffy at the beginning, gets deeply angsty in the middle, gets porny at the end.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w., 9 Ch. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

Sunday Evening 6 p.m. by Silvergirl (E, 30,712 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF / TEH Divergence, Grief / Mourning / Stages of Grief, Mutual Pining, Dreams, Reunion, Love Confessions, First Kiss / Time, Alternating First Person POV, Smart John, BAMF Boys, Emotional Love Making, Song Fic, Referenced Suicide, First Kiss / Time, Touching, Sleepy Sherlock, Blow Job, Villain Mary) – Six months after Sherlock jumped, he learns that John is dedicating songs to him on a requests-only radio programme. Is John just working through grief? Or is he—communicating? Fixes the hell out of S3 by pre-empting it altogether. Remember, as TAB told us, John is Pretty Damn Smart.

Lucifer's Gardens by ampersand_ch (E, 32,679 w., 12 Ch. || GERMAN VERSION|| Romance, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Murder, Poison / Drugging, Mystery, John Undercover, Academic Club, Therapy, Rituals, Jungian Archetypes, Doctors & Physicians, Grief/Mourning, Esotericism, Hospitals, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, John Falls In Love With Another Man, Jealous Sherlock, Crying, Doctor John, Hand Holding, First Kiss/Time, Mysticism, Hugging, Touching) – John goes undercover for an investigation as a favour to Lestrade in a village in Suffolk. The events surrounding the case awaken deep-seated fears in Sherlock. While John begins to come to a realisation of what he needs in Lucifer's Gardens, Sherlock tries to find a way to reach John – in more ways than one.

Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish (M, 32,961 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Christmas, Fluff and Angst, Hurt / Comfort, Case Fic, Mild Gore, Sherlock Whump) – The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s 'Heart of Darkness', and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.” The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” One of these lists is not John Watson’s. If John Watson were to put what he really wanted in list form, to live in a land somewhere beyond ‘almosts' now that Sherlock Holmes has indeed returned to him, he would never be able to look his flatmate in the eye ever again.

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

Turn Left at the Park by Glenmore (NR [E], 37,409 w., 28 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting / ASiP Divergence, Case Fic, Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Loneliness, No Mary, Possessive Sherlock, Fluff & Angst, Nightmares/PTSD, Sherlock Saves John, Sherlock Whump-ish, Doctor John) – So what would have happened if John hadn't walked through the park and met Stamford? What if, instead, he walked around the park and just went home?

Act IV by SilentAuror (E, 39,707 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fix-It, First Person POV Sherlock, Infidelity, Angst, Drama) – After Sherlock is shot, John moves back into Baker Street. They spend the autumn together as John tries to make sense of his life and make some important decisions about both Mary and Sherlock. Canon-compliant, excerpts from His Last Vow.

A Week is Just Seven Days Isn't It? by scifigrl47 (T, 39,906 w., 4 Ch. || Humour, Friendship/Bromance, Stroppy/Bored Sherlock, Undercover/Army John, Texting, Pining-ish Sherlock, John Whump) – When John heads overseas for a week, Sherlock's forced to fend for himself. It goes about as well as anyone could have anticipated. Which is to say, very, very poorly. Don't worry, things'll be fine in just seven days.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Right Hand Man by SilentAuror (E, 42,031 w., 4 Ch. ||  Hurt/Comfort, Injury, John Whump, Slow Burn) – When John's left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she's about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock, Wings) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

Bloody But Unbowed by BeautifulFiction (E, 43,211 w., 8 Ch. || Abduction, John Whump, Mild Torture, Background Case Fic, Friends to Lovers, Post-TRF / S3 Rewrite, Hurt/Comfort) – When a familiar argument threatens to destroy the last remnants of John and Sherlock's failing friendship, both men are left questioning their worth to one another. Before either of them has the chance to make amends, circumstance intervenes. John is left at the mercy of his abductors, and this time, he's not sure Sherlock will bother coming to his rescue.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w., 68 Ch. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case ... and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

[freebooter4ever]

Hello I just finished the Pacific and I'm dying. So it's time for me to delve into the fandom and try and fulfil my poor sledgefu heart. Have any recommendations on who's blog to look at or tags? Other than yourself because I most certainly will spend a solid 5 hours going through your tags. I've already seen a lot of your art and I think it's beautiful, just an FYI.

Oh boy do I ever have recs! It was only about a year ago that I was new to the fandom myself and slowly going through @aboutthatmelancholystorm and @persipneiwrites tumblr sledgefu tags every night, reading all of it, and being totally sucked in! ^_^ (I especially suggest Persipnei’s 3:16 AU where Sledge and Snafu are rock stars!) As for art, I think the biggest collection I know of is the blog @marines-r-gay. Some of my favorite sledgefu artist blogs include @skelesocks (Ace Eugene will hold a special place in my heart forever!) @badgerms and my old favorite the-heebiejeebies who sadly disappeared and deleted their blog :( but you can still find their old art in my ‘sledgefu’ tag on my blog like here. There’s no really ‘exculsively’ sledgefu artists out there right now, but there is a LOT of amazing older stuff to be found mixed into people’s blogs! My own art/writing sledgefu masterlist can be found here.

More specific fanfic recs under the cut! I’m focusing on oldies, because I think it’s fairly easy to find the newer ones on AO3 that are still being updated ^_^

Not Quite Home by Seabright - A fix it fic that really fixes things. Post war set in New Orleans with Eugene showing up on Snafu’s doorstep. Snafu is cantankerous and very in character and he /claims/ he can’t ‘fix’ Sledge, but let’s face it that’s why they need to fix each other. Snafu has a lot of walls up and Eugene breaks all of them down in his steadfast way. This fic captures Snafu perfectly - even in little things like in the way he fidgets and moves. Also the last kiss is just...SO good.

Canon Compliant

Roadverse by Seabright - There are a few authors exclusively on AO3 that like...if you haven’t read their entire sledgefu collection yet, you gotta! Seabright is one of them. Roadverse is set after the war and Snafu takes Eugene on a roadtrip to Florida, there’s a lot of introspection, they fall in love, definitely a happy ending! The writing here is what really shines.

After The Happy Ending by Handdaddyhoosier - Another author it’s worth reading their entire sledgefu collection. This one is also set after the war and is more domestic. A lot of fluff, a lot of slice of life, a lot of Sledge and Snafu dealing with homophobia and overcoming it (!!). Through it all Snafu and Eugene remain sooooo much in love that they’re stronger together and...yeah...it’s good. 

Christmas Even Will Find Me by SOMETHINREAL - My favorite canon compliant Sledgefu Christmas fic! It’s just perfect! Everybody is all together again after the war for Christmas and Eugene and Snafu are playing their own little dance between each other in the corner...they’re adorable. Plus there’s a happy ending!

Maybe You’ll Think Of Me When You’re All Alone by SOMETHINREAL - A very very good fix it fic for after the war. They’re both broken but they’re together and falling in love all over again, yay! I live for first pining and emotional kiss scenes and this is one of the best!

These Foolish Things Remind Me of You by Spoondragon - Merriell is quirky and weird and collects things and his last line in the fic is gOLD. Basically them being cute, with a first kiss. I highly rec ALL of spoondragon’s sledgefu fics!

To Make Much of Time by Hueligan - FIX THE TRAIN SCENE. I will read almost any variation of that train scene where Snafu makes it right, and this one does! AND THEN RUINS IT. So fair warning, you will fall in love with this fic but then it will break your heart. Kinda like Snafu. But it’s ok cause then you can go read one of the OTHER many fix it fics and mend it again.

Tilled Earth by Killerqueenie - Okay, this is one of my absolute FAVORITES. Snafu finds Eugene playing farmer boy in a small town outside of Mobile ten years after the war and Snafu signs himself on as a ranch hand. This one ACTUALLY fixes the train scene. Eugene is prickly and untrusting and Snafu has to earn his right to waltz back into his life. And oh gosh the love each other so so much!

The Magic Helmet by jspringsteen - Cute adorable and totally in character, canon compliant and not actually sledgefu except for some delightful hints that they are into each other more than they let on. It’s just such a great moment for Snafu’s character that I’ve reread this on multiple occasions.

All You Got by ssstrychnine - Another fix it fic (I know, I love these). This follows canon so well it’s seamless and only adds subtle touches of love between Gene and Snafu - so very believable as a part of the actual show. This author has four fics on AO3 for sledgefu and I suggest reading them all!

The Jazz Lights of New Orleans by Gracefully - Yet ANOTHER fix it fic! Give me them all!!! 

AU

Like It’s Only You And Me by SJTrinity - Snafu is an artist in this so of course I’m going to biased, but this is one of my absolute favorite college AU’s. All our favorite characters are there, including Bill, Burgie, Andy, and Eddie (and even Pops! as a fatherly figure to Snafu though he’s only referenced). Snafu is as chaotic as ever. The romance is hot! There are parts where I almost bust a gut laughing. Also anytime Eugene gets all haughty and bossy with his little furrowed brow over Snafu that’s like A+ for me.

Learning Curve by Seabright - ok THIS fic defines ultimate pining over Gene for me. I have never related to Snafu more. There’s a description of Eugene swimming in a pool that just..yeah...I have feelings. Anyway, it’s a college AU that is tragically UNFINISHED and will rip your heart out, BUT the same author also has a whole bunch of more canon related fic where the two of them do get together, so that eases the sting a little. 

F.M.L by @badgerms - I maybe have a thing for swimmers, but I love this swimming college AU especially because it’s in Gene’s POV but done so well that it feels real. This fic also delves into mental illness and mental self flagellation (there are some moments that hit REAL hard if you’ve ever had eating disorders). But on top of all that, I feel like lollki really captured what is so magnetic about Snafu, and by having Gene put him on this impossible pedestal it kinda reflects what a lot of us in the fandom do with his character. Snafu makes his existence look effortless and thoughtless, Gene is incredibly jealous of how Snafu just lives, their competition is ENTHRALLING.

The Kind Of Stuff That Only Prince Would Sing About  by @stolperzunge A coffee shop AU that has Sledge and Snafu just slowly and sweetly falling in love. This one is from Snaf’s pov and since I identify with him more you know I’m gonna love it lol! There are some GREAT funny lines, Snafu has personality in spades. Eugene is a grandad hipster type who also writes erotica....I dunno it’s all amazing go read it.

There Will Be Better Days by SydneyCarton - High school AU. As someone who had a fairly shitty high school experience and many bad holidays, this is...cathartic. Gene is definitely more the caretaker here, he saves Snafu in a way that’s just as strong as when he picked him up on the battlefield. But it’s all emotional, and Snafu is this scared prickly kid. And Gene is the honor roll kid who has to play the role of best friend secretly in love with the one person who matters most to them. This author never wrote anything else for Sledgefu and I wish they had!

Okay, that’s a whole bunch! There’s even more in my aO3 bookmarks! This list is just me going through my bookmarks and selecting the ones that I especially remembered and is by no means exhaustive of all my favorites in this fandom. Joining the Pacific train late means there’s a whole lot to choose from and explore...but it also means the list of active blogs is short and not a lot of new content gets posted every day :( I think the Sledgefu community is still going pretty strong, though! Welcome!

[vidalinav]

Hii. I followed you yesterday cause I agree on most of the things that you say about a court of silver flames. I am sorry if that made you anxious. It was my intention.

I completely agree with you though. I hate the inner circle with passion (leaving out Cassian ofc) and feel like a court of silver flames is a horrible book written without a thought. I just hate how I get attacked when I say that the inner circle is disgusting and needs help but everyone is just fine when those same words are said about Tamlin (I don’t love Tamlin; I just think that he has also been through a lot and deserves some help too!)

Sorry, I know this isn’t an ask but I just wanted you to know that you are amazing and Feysand is disgusting and no better than Feylin.

I mean it’s cool. I get anxious about almost everything that is just my personality. I went through like two years of having about 800 followers and I knew everyone that I followed and who posted on a regular basis. Like maybe not super close, I’m definitely close to more people now. So yay for ACOSF in that respect. I made many friends who chat with me quite a lot. But now I have seen QUITE a lot of new people join this fandom or actively engage in this fandom I guess since the book came out which is..... I don’t want to gatekeep or anything, but it’s so weird and everyone changed their username and I’m like who the hell are all of you?  And now I have many many more followers and I see the hate in this fandom so often, even in people’s comments and I don’t want that to happen to me. I cannot and won’t deal with that stuff. I’ve blocked so many people since the pre-emptive release of this book. I sometimes forget that this fandom is bigger than I think it is. Because I interact with like 45 people and that’s about it and then I see blatant hate posts in tags, or people not tagging things correctly, and I’m like omg I gotta go. 

But that was my long winded way of saying it’s cool! Follow me, y’all are welcome, just don’t write hate on my stuff and thank you for the compliment. 

That being said I don’t hate the IC. I definitely sound like I hate them in some of my posts. I just have a very big problem with the character development in this series, and the imbalance of character development, which I think is a writer problem. I certainly think that if it was more thought out to include a more well-rounded approach to healing then I wouldn’t have had such a problem with many things that occurred. For example, like if Feyre and Nesta actually had scenes where they began to understand each other, I wouldn’t have thought the pregnancy plot was stupid (even though it had so many potholes). If Rhys had also come to some understanding about himself alongside his views on Nesta, and Nesta began to heal as well, than I wouldn’t have thought the ending was just to wrap things up. If Mor had a scene with Nesta where she doesn’t just learn what Nesta has been through, but who Nesta is, then I wouldn’t have thought it would be weird that Mor would have just changed her attitude about her in the middle of the book. But none of this happened, and unfortunately Cassian also didn’t get enough character development. So Nesta looked in the wrong for the majority of this book, instead of looking like someone who is hurt and very traumatized. Or I suppose she did look hurt and eventually they come to realize she’s traumatized, but because the narrative is so imbalanced and then at the end we have such a great emphasis on fixing relationships, it doesn’t work well, because none of the relationship really had any basis to be fixed. There was no foundation, no build up, no evidence to support the claim that these relationships would work, except that Nesta changed even though we don’t really know if she did. That’s a next book thing, whether or not Nesta will be full inner circle or still somewhat contentious and uncompliant. Could go either way. 

It was all over the place and so even though I thought it was a good book in certain aspects, it fell short in MANY aspects, which I have said many times. It is not 5 stars. I don’t hate it. But it’s not 5/5. 

Tamlin is complicated... I would like to see SJM try to redeem him. But I’ve said this in a post a long time ago, about the likelihood of this being successful. Because the fandom can’t ignore what they already know, and SJM tends to like making tragic pasts to make up for the fact that they’re abusive assholes. To redeem him, SJM would have to be better at writing I think. Like he would need a Zuko arc from ATLA, where he learns, we understand him, and he consistently shows that he’s changed, and even then he would just have to accept that people still might not forgive him, but it wouldn’t be a redemption to the characters in the book, because they don’t care about him, it would be a redemption to the fandom which still might not be successful. It would require a lot of introspection and it would be probably complicated. I would like to see it but not from SJM. Mostly because I love arcs that are based on the fact that people can change and should change, even the worst of us. But that’s my own preference. 

Anyway, as always my posts got longer than they needed to be. So... bye I guess. Until next time. 

[captain-of-the-historicfuture]

~hello~ !! For the meta asks!: 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, and 25 :))

Hello!! Thank you for sending these; I was really excited to see that ask game and I was hoping somebody would send some in. It still took me a while to actually answer them though, and for that I apologise. But without further ado! Some meta answers (under the cut because they ended up being fairly long, whoops):

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (Consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway.)

I thought of a few examples, but they could basically be grouped together under a common theme: whumpy/angsty scenes that were self-indulgent as all heck. The whole self-indulgent aspect often required the characters to be just the teeniest, tiniest bit OOC and/or necessitated rather unrealistic plot circumstances. So it was simply easier to keep such scenes as maladaptive daydreams, rather than trying to think of explanations for the character/plot issues…or exposing myself to judgement for them LOL.

Receiving permission to write/share one such scene anyway is an opportunity I can’t let slip by though. It might be because I’m writing this while running on zero (0) hours of sleep—let’s hear it for insomnia, y’all!—but I suddenly couldn’t remember any of my newer ideas under this category. However, I did recall a one-shot I had started writing a couple of months ago that sort of counts? “Sort of” because I could actually be arsed to write it since I was, ya know, writing it. Only got about six hundred words down though.

…should I share those six hundred words…?

………nahhh. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet.

But here’s the gist of it: Coulson and May (because of course it’s Philinda) were married for quite some time before the Attack on New York. But then Coulson DiedTM and then got ResurrectedTM. But gasp of horror, he had to lose his memories of his romantic relationship with May because reasons. (I actually did have some ideas for those reasons but sshhhh this is about me yeeting context and setup.)

The first half of S1 still happens as normal (except MayWard doesn’t happen because??? Vows) and it’s now post-E20 “Nothing Personal”. The morning after (or a morning soon after, whatever) the T.A.H.I.T.I. reveal! May’s mom—who doesn’t know about GH.325 and whom May fed a cover story about Coulson divorcing her or something equally as oof, IDK—shows up at the hotel and starts ripping into Coulson for breaking her daughter’s heart, then dragging her back into the field with her ex-husband (him), then accusing her of terrible things and forcing her away again.

Poor guy’s confused as heck, and so is the team, and soon enough so is Lian. The only one who understands what’s going on is May, and she’s freaking dying off to the side like why is this happening to me and eventually everybody’s like! Explain??? (Was thinking about including something from Coulson like, “Are you still keeping things from me?” Just for that extra smidge of angst, yay!)

So yeah then May gives a, like, two-sentence debriefing that elicits more questions than answers. Coulson decides to take May aside and they have a heart-to-heart. Lots of feelings and angst and hurt/comfort and at some point plenty of kissing too. Just! May hiding her feelings for Coulson’s sake but really magnified, plus some actual apologies and consideration of the grief May’s been through on Coulson’s part.

And uhh yeah that’s basically it I dunno hdsjncjshd. I warned y’all it’s OOC, plot-bendy, and very self-indulgent!

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

I don’t think I could name a single character for this. I get different things out of taking on different voices, you know? I guess recently I’ve found myself gravitating towards more taciturn and introspective points of view, like JQ from my original novel Rosewood or M. Yisbon from my…other original novel Temple.

Generally, however, I like tackling stories from an outsider’s perspective. That’s why I so rarely write my more “substantial” (serious? demanding? for lack of better words?) projects from the PoV of my “preferred” character. This usually means writing from their love interest’s perspective, but not always. With shorter fanfic, using a more removed/unconventional/niche PoV can be really fun. Like, I once wrote a canon compliant ficlet purely(-ish) about Philinda from Tony Stark’s perspective. That isn’t always sustainable with stories that demand more character development or closer character studies, however, which is why it’s a good thing I like writing drabbles!

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

My word counts tend to run long, but I usually only write one-shots for fanfic. If I’m even inspired with a novella- or novel-length story idea for a fandom, you already know I’m in deep with them. And if I actually find the motivation to plan and execute that idea? Dangg. That’s only ever happened…twice, maybe thrice, and I’m in a lot of fandoms.

At times, I wish I could go for more of a middle ground ’cause, like, you know what I love to see? An AO3 dashboard with several completed novellas for my ship/character of choice. I mean yes, I hecking love >90k fics, but sometimes I’m in the mood for quick reads…and what am I supposed to do when I burn through all the drabbles and 2k one-shots? (Besides despair and/or reread my faves desperately.) Novellas are basically always safe for me LOL, and I’d hope to be able to give as much as I take.

Ultimately though, I think I’m okay with where I am with regards to that. I wish I could write more in general, but I’d be okay with “writing more” just meaning “writing more one-shots”, ya know? More than okay, really. I have mad respect for fic writers who have, like, a hundred or more one-shots under their belt for this one ship. The fandom ecosystem would be incomplete without them (as well as every other type of writer, but sshhh that’s the type of writer I’m closest to being right now).

I’m definitely a plotter, and I definitely prefer it that way. It’s cool having such a detailed record of my process. I like feeling like a frazzled genius on the brink of a major discovery with all of my different outlines and colour coding and many drafts and various websites.

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

Not exactly. It might be cool if my original works were recognisable in the world, but I don’t think I’d want to be recognisable. As for fanfic, I’d low-key enjoy gaining a place in that fandom’s community as a fic writer. Like someone who gave and got fic gifts from fic writer friends, who participated in challenges and GCs, who received writing prompts on Tumblr, whose name was known for doing a certain trope/genre a bunch of times… Ya know what I mean?

Unlikely to happen when I’m so hecking hesitant to publicly (i.e., outside of AO3) claim credit for my writing, but fjnskfsjhfjs. A writer can dream, right?

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Of those three, tags are the easiest for me, for I have a reliable system for figuring out those.

Next easiest would probably be titles. For fanfiction, I like to use titles that are a quote from the source material. You should have seen all of my old Hamilton fanfic… I was really proud of some of those titles. And I don’t mean, like, whole lines—usually only two to five words. It’s a unique type of wordplay that I just love dabbling in.

And lastly, summaries. Sometimes inspiration strikes me and a snappy and intriguing synopsis just jumps out—one that I’m quietly pleased with—but most of the time I’ll spend way too long trying to think of such a synopsis and eventually just go with whatever I’d come up with so far. And live with my quiet dissatisfaction for the rest of time.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (Plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations...?) Tell us about them!

Typically, no. If I have deleted scenes, I save and publish them separately, but that’s about it. I sometimes think of AUs for my own work and might talk about them in my author’s notes—might even talk about writing them—but I never really do anything with them.

Although…

It’s not uncommon for me to decide a plotline isn’t working for a certain story or to think of an interesting but undoable arc for a certain character, but what I’ll do is make a whole new story for those ideas. Once I’m done developing the original idea and the branched-off one, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell they grew from the same roots. Does that count?

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as (film, webcomic, animated series, etc.)?

That depends on the story. I’ve actually written stories in other mediums—movie screenplay, musical stageplay, poetry, TV show scripts, play scripts, roleplay—but the novel does tend to be my comfort zone. Sometimes, if I have an idea that I think could work, or would even work better, as another medium, I’ll label it as such in my folder of ideas and decide not to write it as a novel.

Most of the time, my non-book projects are collaborations. I’m working with five different people on six different story ideas: two webcomics, one stage musical, one anime, and two animated TV shows. Little concrete progress has been made in any of those, mind you, but they’re still fun to discuss!

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Absolutely. But I’ve been writing stories since I was five years old, so we would hope so, huh?

I wouldn’t say my writing’s changed completely, though maybe that’s just my insider’s perspective.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Oh gosh, I can’t believe you’d make me choose. Writing is just such a wonderful experience for me; I love just about everything to do with it. Admittedly, not all the time, but. Since that barely qualifies as an answer, however, I’ll give you this—

The endings. Not only that intense feeling of rightness when you wrap up that last sentence, but also the moments before. The adrenaline of knowing you’re almost there but you gotta push just a bit more to actually get there. And also the part right after—the real wrap-up, honestly: the revision and the editing. Heavens, I love revising and editing my work.

Which is not to say I don’t like writing it out for the first time, too—there’s nothing quite like seeing your cursor scroll to the next page, like going from a blank expanse to a Oh man, how many more lines are even going to fit on this page?, like watching that page counter tick up another number. However, there’s something cathartic about finally ironing out those problems I had to force myself to stop worrying about earlier because “just finish the first draft dangit”.

I guess that’s not really the end of the writing process, but whatever. Close enough (as fic writers are wont to say).

Another thank-you for these asks, and feel free to come back with more at any time! ;P

Send in fun meta asks for your friendly neighbourhood writer!

[ryqoshay]

So I just finished reading all of How to Handle a Nico and I absolutely fucking loved it, do you have any NicoMaki fanfic recommendations of your own?

I must offer my apologies for the delay in response. I did not forget you, Anon, despite answering two questions that came in after this one. However, I wanted to wait until I knew I had a good amount of time I could dedicate to making a proper list of recommendations worthy of my time in the LL/NicoMaki fandom, which is typically sometime during my weekend.

Also, please bear in mind that this list is not all-inclusive. NicoMaki has one of, if not the most extensive list of fanworks out of the various LL ships. If someone reading this list is a fan of, or the author of a given work not included, please do not take it personally, this is merely a sampling of my favorites. There are genres and tags that I tend to avoid for various reasons, and there are many perfectly good works with the NicoMaki ship tag that I haven’t read simply because they are not the primary focus. And due to current events, as well as those of last year, there is a sizable backlog of NicoMaki focused fics that I hope to get around to reading sometime soon.

And as I expect this to get long, I will put the list itself under a cut.

First and foremost, I must shamelessly shill an author whose first forays into NicoMaki fanfic are based on HtHaN. It’s been almost a year since the first one went up and I remain in awe that I was able to pay forward the inspiration given to me by other authors. For this list I will only be including said works based on HtHaN, though VNVdarkangel has written some other NicoMakis I haven’t read yet.  - Always there - Nico wakes up in the middle of the night. Some post-canon fluffy angst.  - On tracks to the heart - Takes place during the scene transition in Homecoming.  - Meet ‘n’ greet - Nico has a meet ‘n’ greet event and Maki shows up  - Part-time idol composer - Nico hires Riko to compose some idol music for Egao. Minor YohaRiko to keep up the casual connections between HtHaN and HL.  - Next steps... - A long, multi-chapter work that takes place after the numbered chapters of HtHaN. This work tells the story of NicoMaki as they take advantage of the research mentioned way back in Telling Mama. Yay science babies!  - Out of focus - Maki can’t focus on anything but Nico  - The door to dreams - Riko finds the piano from How to Celebrate a Maki and Maki finds Riko. More minor YohaRiko from HL.  - Idol trainer - A non-NicoMaki, RinPana honorable mention tied to HtHaN

Next, I must link a few things from jstonedd, whose works I can point to as being among those that helped cement NicoMaki as a my favorite ship.  - Buy Your Love - By the gods, I’ve honestly lost track of how many times I’ve reread this fic. It is also responsible for my headcanon that Tsubasa teaches Honoka how to skate, which I thusly include in Nico on Ice.  - Soldier Wars - If memory serves, this work earns its M rating less for lewd stuff and more for action movie depictions of violence, like an R rated Charlie’s Angels or something.  - After School Troublemakers - Earns its tag of Fluff and Crack.  - Babies Maybe - More Fluff and Crack I only skimmed the first few chapters of Otonokizaka Private Academy and it didn’t seem very NicoMaki focused or really much my cup of tea. But I’ve heard others like it, and it was finally completed a few years back, so there’s that.

One author with whom I’ve interacted moreso than any other - maybe not VNVdarkangel as of late, but... - is the creator of one of my favorite Fantasy AUs, which is often a genre I don’t read much as it so often leans on Harry Potter, of which I’m quite unfamiliar. Of course I say I often avoid Fantasy AUs despite now writing two... Anyway, we have a few differing headcanons and I must say it’s fun to have a civil discussion about them - as opposed to others that become heated and dissolve into ad hominum attacks like the one marked by Comment Deleted tombstones in the comments of HtHaN. Anyway, that train of thought derailed, so here are some of lonelypond’s works. Worth mentioning that most works take place in the U.S. instead of Japan, something that confused me for a few chapters when I first started reading, but have come to enjoy it, especially when places are mentioned that I know.  - Casual Lunacy - The aforementioned Fantasy AU as well as my introduction to this wonderful writer. Pulls in a quirky character from Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun, an adorable anime I’ve been meaning to finish. Maki is a werewolf. And I really need to reread this one at some point.  - PhotoJazz - Maki is a photographer and Nico is an actress.  - AU Yeah August - A collection of short 1 Shots. I haven’t read all of them, e.g. the Harry Potter one, but those I have were adorable, e.g. Summer Camp, Fake Dating and FWB.  - Christmas Confections - A collection of amazing Christmas themed works that rank among my favorite gifts each year since I first started reading them. I’d link them each individually, but they’re all amazing so just read them all; you won’t be disappointed. Maki and Christmas just go together and lonelypond writes them well.  - Can’t Get Started - To quote the summary “Nishikino Maki is trying to make it in the piranha fishbowl of movies, music and Hollywood. Yazawa Nico already has. And they keep crashing into each other.” Literally. It’s quite amusing. I’ve heard good things from other readers about the 1Kiss series but have only skimmed a few; they are high on my To Read list. The Idol House series came out during my troubled 2019, so it also remains on my To Read list. The Moonlight series seems to focus on NozoEli, which is fine, but for better or worse lowers it position on my To Read list. It’s lonelypond, so I do intend to read it eventually, but there are more NicoMaki focused fics that I’d like to get to first.

Next up is Lucia Hunter, a case where I must separate author from work. To this day I remain uncertain as to the details of the issues between this author and the denizens of Sukutomo, but the animosity exists nonetheless. Still, the listed works below were part of my gateway drugs into the wonderful world of NicoMaki fanfics.  - The Diamond Princess’s Melancholy - How NicoMaki came together.  - Love marginal - My favorite portrayal of KotoHonoUmi. NicoMaki is a side pairing here, and remain so through the rest of the works, but they’re still worth reading, imho.  - Shiranai Love*Oshiete Love - RinPana focus but NicoMaki still plays their role.  - Garden of Glass - de de deee de de deee Obviously NozoEli focused.

My first encounter with Rinforzando was a T rated cute and fluffy fic but they’ve done some pretty good NSFW works as well.  - Ten Years - Always enjoy a good adult NicoMaki fic. - Limbo - NSFW FWB NicoMaki - Caprice - NSFW 2nd Person post-canon NicoMaki. I’m not typically a fan of 2nd Person perspective, but this one was worth it.  - Cheers for Loving You - NicoMaki Secret Santa.

Hidekins is another author that has written a lot of NicoMaki I’ve enjoyed, but on a quick scan through the AO3 entries, few are jogging my memory with title and description alone. Perhaps I’ve read more here on tumblr? Perhaps I’ll come back and add more if I remember them better later.  - NicoMakisses - A set of five cute short NicoMaki stories about kisses.

Saberin writes a lot of 3rd year stuff, and that’s fine, but the NicoMaki collection is worth checking out.  - Prickly Love - As of writing this list, there are 10 chapters of cuteness

whoneedsapublisher writes a lot and I enjoy the style. Thus, when I see NicoMaki pop up on the account, I try to read.  - Couples Therapy - One of my favorite Maki headcanons is included here. Not explicit but earns its M rating and thus is NSFW.  - Subtle - Not particularly crazy about the Nico-taller-than-Maki, but that’s a minor complaint compared to the rest of this wonderful work.  - At Least Six Confessions - Presequel to the above work. Poor Nico had her work cut out for her with a romantically dense Maki.  - Keep Your Promises - Ten years later...  - Happy New Year - Sometimes stalemates must be broken by someone.  - Hidden Depth - Nico’s voice changes. And Maki likes it  - Pretending to Pretend - Not explicit, but earns its M rating so NSFW. One of my favorite examples of the Fake Dating trope.  - Merry Christmas Maki - I can’t think of a better present.  - No Lies Allowed - Truth of Dare, NicoMaki style.  - All Dressed Up - Based on a wonderful pic by noelclover  - Santa’s Stand-in - Guess who still believes...  - Switcheroo - Always love the idea of the girls trying to behave like the others. Makes me want to rewatch that episode.  - Tick, Tock - Some introspective Maki  - Insensitive - NicoMaki dating issues  - Tomatoes - Maki’s favorite food I’ve heard good things about Dazzling Warrior Nightshade, so it’s on my To Read List, but I must admit I can be picky about my Magical Girls stuff. Madoka set an... interesting bar for the genre for me and in most cases I’d prefer to watch it as an anime or read it as a manga/doujin. Still, the idea of Nico being a magic girl amuses me greatly, thus why the fic remains on my radar.

And here are some other random works I’ve enjoyed over the years.  - Smile, Nico Nico! - In which Nico drags Maki to the dentist  - Billiards - NSFW 2nd Person. Yes, I know I just said I’m not typically a fan, but this one was also good.  - Piano For Beginners - NSFW AU where Maki is assigned to teach Nico how to play the piano so as to be convincing for a film.  - critical rules for not-dating - NSFW FWB AU that I need to finish reading someday but was happy enough with what I’ve read that I’d still recommend it.  - 24 visits - Visits as in Nico the idol visiting Maki the doctor in the hospital.  - 24 dates - A NSFW followup to 24 visits

So yeah, that’s a fairly decent list to get one started in their AO3 NicoMaki delving. As mentioned above, this is not all-inclusive and there are a ton of NicoMaki works out there. I haven’t visited FFN in years, so there may still be some authors that post there exclusively and have written some amazing stuff, but I cannot recommend what I haven’t read, or at least skimmed. I also have some tumblr works bookmarked... somewhere, so if I find them I might compare them to this list and maybe add those missed.

Here’s hoping something here piques your interest and makes you fall a little more for the wonderful NicoMaki.

[cactussuckingchampion]

Forecast for June 29 - July 5

So I am up for a job writing weekly forecasts for a site and the site isnt up yet but I wrote this for it as a sample/draft type thing. I might also start doing individual sign forecasts, I'm not sure if the employer wants that yet. I just wanted to post this here and see what ya'll thought of it. Any critiques would be greatly appreciated!!! 💜💜💜

Yay! Venus isn’t in retrograde anymore! But do not worry, we still have plenty of retrogrades to go around.

Feeling a bit more sensitive and withdrawn? That is not unusual during this period due to Cancer season being in full swing as well as Mercury also being in this cardinal, watery sign. The planet of intellect, reason, rationalization, communication, and the conscious mind is in the sign of Cancer which is ruled by the Moon, a planet that operates very differently than Mercury. What happens when retrograde Mercury goes into Cancer? A more emotional reaction in our interactions.

 We may be more inclined to lean towards emotion rather than logic, which can sometimes lead to conflict especially in the home or family due to Cancer being the most maternal sign in astrology. A mercury retrograde makes it difficult to complete plans and since Cancer rules our home, be on the lookout for practical things going wrong in your home. Home renovations, buying or selling a home, and as always be careful of technology going awry. (Buy a good phone case!) 

It’s not all negative though, Cancer Mercury can help us reconnect with loved ones who we have lost touch with. Don’t be surprised if a family member who hasn’t reached out will try to mend broken fences out of the blue. Take this time to relax, breathe and take some time for introspection. Try to think of what makes you feel secure, comfortable, and emotionally at ease. What in the material world can help put your emotions at ease? We all need a comfortable place to retreat to.

Mars moved into fast paced, action loving Aries, the sign that it rules naturally, where it will stay until January 7, 2021. After the procrastinating, daydreaming nature of Mars being in Pisces it is a breath of fresh air to move into it’s home of Aries. All those fantasies you have been daydreaming during Mars in Pisces have the opportunity to become reality with Aries’ ambitious determination.

As a whole we might feel a desire to take back control of our lives, which can lead to some head butting. The Warrior’s biggest flaw is his impulsivity. Don’t confuse confidently tackling issues head on with rushing hastily into a situation due to an inflated ego. 

Due to the emotional nature of Cancer and the fiery aggression of Aries we can either go down a road to victory with our loved ones and neighbors or unnecessarily create outrage due to our emotional impulsivity. Treading lightly and with purpose is very important especially in these times. 

Cancel culture is a perfect example of people losing sight of what they were originally fighting for. What was once a fight for ridding our society of toxicity turned into shooting allegations at people and issues that were never real targets. Rushing into petty arguments will only waste time that could’ve been spent on real change in our world. Make sure to channel your energy efficiently.

Speaking of big change, Saturn has been in retrograde since May 11, 2020. Saturn rules Capricorn and co-rules Aquarius, two signs it will be jumping between this week. Saturn is a planet many fear but it is a necessary teacher. It has been dealing out karmic debts in Aquarius since March 21st. Aquarius here is trying to teach us to come together to change our society. The world literally stopped due to unprecedented circumstances which forced us to sit down and reevaluate our lives and what motivates us. We became even more dependent on our technology (Aquarius loves technology) to communicate and inform one another. Tensions rose while we all suffered from cabin fever, ultimately causing us to snap, and react dramatically when we witnessed great injustice and cruelty in our world. Our devices helped us document the injustices all around us. We joined together to fight back and rebel against the authorities who mistreated us. 

The Saturn retrograde caused us to look into our past and revisit past events that affect our present. Digging up old skeletons from way back in the closet, out of the dark and into the light to be reviewed and exposed. Ugly things that were hidden and as a society we were too scared to look into have been drudged up in order to reprimand shameful behaviors in the past.

On Thursday, July 2, Saturn will move back into Capricorn where it will push us to put in the effort of all that we started. With Saturn in Capricorn rewards are not easily reaped, hard work has to be implemented in order to gain rewards. Like a firm father, saturn in Capricorn teaches us that cutting corners will not lead to lasting results.

June 30 will bring about the conjunction of Jupiter and Pluto. Jupiter is the planet of expansion, luck, abundance, and faith meanwhile Pluto is the planet of death, transformation, evolution and renewal. Together they can help bring about the change we have all been seeking. All that has been starting earlier in the year by the conjunction between Saturn and Pluto on January 12. What started as a very difficult shift will bring hope to many. We can all use a little hope nowadays. All the changes we are going through are necessary but with growth come growing pains and Jupiter is trying to tell us to hold on and keep going, keep pushing on, try to embrace the changes as we push through to a new cycle in life. Flexibility is a very important attribute right now. And above all, have faith that after all the hardship, rewards will be waiting on the other side. 

Finally on Sunday, July 5 we will experience a full moon in Capricorn further extending this theme of authority and control. Deep rooted feelings of not wanting to be controlled might surface. Watch out for confrontation and an abrasive attitude. Power struggles could be a theme during this time. 

Capricorn's energy is very much career and work oriented. These power struggles could end up causing conflicts with your coworkers or boss and lead to impatience with one another. Moon in Capricorn could also bring to fruition all that you have been working towards since the beginning of the moon cycle, especially in terms of work and career.

This is not just any full moon though! It is a partial full moon eclipse! What does that mean? Werewolves. Just kidding! But energies will be all over the place, so you might just feel like one. Emotional ups and downs, maybe some chaos, a couple arguments out of the blue here and there but not to worry, everything is temporary. It would be wise to practice being self aware and control your impulses. 

All in all, we have quite an exciting week ahead of us all. Self restraint and focusing your energy where it is needed seems to be the theme for the week.

[yogpetshame]

“Interview” with a Sjin Mod

Special project today, a series of conversations in ThatMadCat’s discord with a former Sjin mod (they might beg to differ, but I digress). I wasn’t actually present in any of these conversations, they were mostly spurred by some guy called Allosaurus - 

Do you think I spend any time talking to you people? Don’t flatter yourself.

Anyway, commendably they don’t ban Allosaurus when he initiates conversations about how Sjin is a pedophile. But rather, Sjin’s Discord and Twitch moderator, Sieopolitan, runs her mouth willy nilly every time he is brought up. 

What follows is one conversation from October, and then two much more recent discussions. I’m going to do the conversations in order, but I will remix the order of the posts for readability.

The results I think you will find enjoyable. And I’ll drop links to the unabridged conversations at the end.

I’m writing this part before I get to the rest but I already know this is going to be VERY long, so here’s a once-in-a-blue-moon Keep Reading.

So, here’s the start, our main players are Sieopolitan, the mod, and this fiesty dude Allosaurus. Green names are moderators, the more red-toned your name is the more you post. I think.

Allosaurus obliges, and the rest of the conversation takes place in a different channel, where he welcomes Sieopolitan first.

Every time this guy posts I swoon. Unfortunately, I’m going to abridge him a lot in the interest of time. Just know for the most part he’s the one who was asking these questions.

Here’s topic one:

Why does Sjincord still exist?

Boy-oh-boy. This is already on my nerves.

Keep in mind, Sieopolitan admits here that Sjin fucked up. That’ll come up later.

I mentioned this before, I believe, but I also mod a Discord community. Larger than MadCat’s server, and Sjincord. And it’s older.

And if we experienced a moral, structural failure on the scale of Sjincord, and couldn’t delete or commandeer the server, we’d ban everyone and then ban ourselves.

This “they are my family!!!” line is bullshit. Make a new server. Puppy appreciation club. If they’re actually your family, and not a half-assed dependency, they would go with you.

Given you could move somewhere else, why don’t you shut Sjincord down?

Tell that to Caffcat’s discord mods. Allosaurus explains that that’s hardly an excuse when Caff’s team stopped modding for him and closed the server.

Sieopolitan... dodges the question.

Woosh, question dodged. Line for line: Claw was passive but yes, they did what they needed to to apologize for their role in unwittingly aiding Caff. Sjin using the server is not relevant. It’s a Pedophile-Theme Server. Full of people who like a pedophile. Sieopolitan, head deep in the sand, is unsurprisingly one of those people who thinks Sjin just chatted up a few consenting adults. But I guess we all should have known that. And yes, “Sienna” is gonna call out someone who hasn’t done anything to her. Because that’s called empathy for the people he has predated on and it’s the job of the mod.

Everyone in Sjincord has an extremely good reason to walk out.

What do you believe, Sieopolitan?

Sieopolitan thinks Sjin got fired for flirting.

I feel like we need Lewis to come forward and say, we wouldn’t fire people for flirting, that’s stupid. You get fired for sexual harassment.

Hell, Hannah doxxed a child and never actually got the axe. But he you think Sjin got fired for flirting? But...

Haven’t you seen the screenshots? Or any of the stuff former Yogscast moderator Mighty_Claw had seen?

I’m confused as to why you think Sjin got fired for talking to people and yet Mighty_Claw and JaneDash seem to have, not just screenshots, but firsthand experience with the contents of the reports people made. Even “Skylan Torchwick,” with the stupid name, was apparently worth enough to see Caff’s text messages. Why are you out of the loop on what Sjin was fired for?

My personal theory is that Sieopolitan may have even been sent some of these reports and was helping to silence them, because that seems to be the only possible fucking way on Earth you could be in such a position of trust and still stick to the “official” line. Why are you relying on Lewis to know? How are you this out of the loop? Why are you relying on screenshots? Aren’t you Sjin’s mod?

How can you take such a hard line stance in favor of a pedophile when you seem to know the least of anyone?

Oh okay, it’s fine when you’re blinding yourself.

Aren’t you jeopardizing future victims?

Why? Why have faith? You claim to expect future contact with the man! Why all the hope and faith?

He’s been doing this bullshit for eight. Fucking. Years. He got a warning already in 2016. How many second chances does he need, exactly? How many female bodies do you intend to let him walk over?

Anyway, skip forward several months and we’re talking about Sjin streaming.

Yay... redakdal is back...

Isn’t it weird that Sieopolitan expects to talk to Sjin about how he wants to stream, and isn’t thinking at all “Oh, if he’s going to talk to me, I NEED to ask him if he is in fact a pedophile because under these circumstances I would NEVER EVER RISK MODDING FOR A PEDOPHILE?”

Like, how is this conversation going to go?

“hi after months and months away it’s me sjin the p- i mean sjin the totally not a pedophile”  “glad to hear it how do you want chat to go”

And not

“hi its me sjin th-” “Are you a pedophile” “what haha :3” “I can’t mod for you if I don’t know what you actually got fired for, or else the guilt will follow me for an eternity.” “haha i was flirting :3″ “you got fired for flirting” “yeah haha :3″ “Go fuck yourself.”

How is this a response?! Sjin is not your family. If I had an actual flesh and blood pedophile in my actual family I report them to the police and never talk to them again. And if the various British incels in your shitty dead Discord would all go away if you took a stance against pedophilia, then good fucking riddance.

So why is protecting Sjin even necessary if you and your incels are such a close “family”?

You’ve kept a closed mind, as I said before, because there is no way in hell this information couldn’t have been given directly to you if you had asked for it.

I mean, fuck. I’ll call on any former mod, Janedash, whoever. I bet you could reach Sieo and give her the skinny. And I bet she would not listen to you.

It’s not a special server. I’m sure that’s something every angsty fucking teenager on earth wants to say, “Oh, they’re my real friends, they helped me,” but if your friends enable a pedophile, fucking walk. And then maybe take an introspective look at yourself and wonder why you got helped by the pedo-helpers.

Why are you ignoring advice from people who know more than you?

Oh, I can see that. You take it seriously by worrying about what mode to set his chat in when he comes back.

Allosaurus quote out of context, just because I like it.

So you feel no imperative to protect anyone from Sjin?

Again, explain that to Caff’s moderators. This is not a valid excuse whatsoever. Allosaurus has good suggestion:

Yogscast employees knew Sjin was up to this pedophilic shit for the last eight years and didn’t move on it. They received many of the same reports in July 2019 they’d already seen in 2016, and even 2013, and they received the report that Turps got fired for two years before they were forced to acted on it.

They have a very, very long track record of ignoring the fuck out of fireable behavior, and as seen below, Sieopolitan appeals to some mystery entity within the Yogscast who is reputable, when Lewis has been here the whole time, abiding Turps and Ridgedog and Sjin and stifling all reports.

And Sieopolitan, I expect, will keep on running.

Anyway, that’s all I got for now, as promised the full caps will be below. If you pick out anything from them you want me to talk about, you don’t have to try and send me the screenshot, just quote from it and I’ll pull it myself.

Oct. 29, 2019 5:22 AM

Oct. 29, 2019 5:31 AM

Oct. 29, 2019 5:41 AM

Oct. 29, 2019 5:47 AM

Feb. 4, 2020 7:39 PM

[festiveferret]

2018 Report

Good heavens, where did the year go?? 

This year’s wordcount is 834,018 which is about half-again what I wrote last year. Yay! That means I wrote one and a half words per minute in 2018. Neat.

I posted 83 works to AO3, which included 124 stories (2 are collections of ficlets). 1 was Winterhawk, 1 was Symbrock, 2 were Stuckony, 1 was WinterIron, and the rest are Stony.

My fav non-collab this year was probably The Future is Yet in Your Power (which might be the best thing I’ve written, though it’d have to fight LT for that). I’m also very proud of Between the Lines and To Hold Your Hand.

In the strangest fic category, I’ll have to give it to A Wish for Wings, where Tony is a caterpillar and Steve is a honeybee (but it’s, like, actually good guys, I swear, it got glowing reviews from people I didn’t pay to say nice things). Second up is Six Times DUM-E, only because I never thought I’d write from DUM-E’s POV. 

The hardest to write was almost certainly my RBB, Code Icarus. I had amazing art from @musicalluna that I really wanted to do justice, and the story itself was a lot of painful introspection for Steve which I enjoy writing, but took a lot to plow through. I’m so happy with how it turned out, though!

I got to do SO MANY collabs this year which was super exciting. @sirsapling and I did the Papa Don’t Preach series, A Hundred Times Once, Growl, Some Form of Electricity, Patience, All Better, and His Best Suit, which was also written with @ashes0909 who joined me for several new episodes of our kinky baby, Held, as well. I also wrote Indulgence with @one-and-five-nines which was super fun and I love the result. 

2018 Fandom Highlights: - Getting to see @ashes0909 TWICE and shower her with my love and devotion while her dogs showered me with spit and bruises.  - Housing @sirsapling for a week and doing every touristy thing we could think of and having a ball the entire time. - Meeting @enoliel and the DOG FOUNTAIN - deejaymil - Hanging out with the amazing gang on the MCU Stony discord server and all the fun and shenanigans there. All the fun and excitement on the many other servers I frequent. - Creating the Ults Stony Discord and dying of laughter in the super fun book club. - Participating in thirteen events, four of which I helped mod. - Modding SLS and joining the findingstony team - The amazing experience that was MTH, from a group of wonderful co-mods, designers and helpers, to the late nights screaming, to the super exciting outlines I’m working on for my bidders, to the INCREDIBLE amount of money raised. I’m so grateful to be a part of it. - Blacking out five bingos :D - Falling in love with one (1) sweaty boi and his alien goo bf - Having tumblr go absolutely tits up (but only if the nips are male-presenting, otherwise, tits down). [Amusing note that last year’s review I noted joining the tumbly community as a highlight and now it’s dying, haha. I mean, it was a good year, I guess...] - How many times I get sent a ferret pic every time a new one goes viral. Honestly, I love this sooo much. Never stop. Flood me with ferrets. - Everyone who kudosed, commented, recced, pm-d me to cuss me out, or just read something I wrote. I write for me, I share for you, so THANK YOU <33

Here’s to 2019!!

[timelordthirteen]

2018 Fanfic Year in Review

Again, I’m late, but that seems to be the running theme so far in 2019. I did not hit my goal of 750K total words on AO3, but I should be able to get there pretty easily this year.

I said 2018 was going to be the year of finishing things and I totally didn’t. I did get my beloved Working Out done, but I have to be very strict with myself not to create new verses willy nilly and get some of these done. After my RBB fic, my priority is Some Other Time followed by The Don’t Fall in Love Job.

Stats: Words Posted on AO3: 153,964 Stories posted: 40 Verses created (multiple fics, same verse): 12 WIPs finished: 1 WIPs still to complete: 3, started this year

Total words on AO3 as of the end of the year: 682,128

January

Rumbelle

Sunlight-  Gold finds his wife lounging in the sun and can’t help himself. (nsfw)

Working Out Chapter 13 - It’s back!  The third date, a lot of kissing, and a confession.

Keep the Change - Lacey confronts Gold about a late notice for her rent and things…happen. (nsfw)

February

Rumbelle

Working Out Chapter 14 - Belle and Gold chat with their workout partners about their last date, Ruby and David get in some good natured teasing, and plans are made for a very important next date.

Working Out Chapter 15 - Leading up to the highly anticipated date night, Gold and Belle find help and reassurance from their friends.

If Wishes Were Kisses - Part 1 -  A series of ficlets covering all of Rumbelle’s canon kisses (including the ones we didn’t see on screen…).  Rumple and Belle’s first kiss, True Love’s Kiss from Skin Deep. Rumple POV.

Intervals - Part 14 - Ficlets set in the Working Out universe. A couple days before their big date, Gold and Belle meet up at the gym. NSFW… ;)

Anyelle/Anyem

Alchemy - Alchemy: a seemingly magical process of transformation, creation, or combination. Lacey finds an antagonistic note left in her classroom and confronts the person who wrote it. (Rushacey)

March

Rumbelle

Between Friends - Belle and Gold are best friends who are secretly in love with each other and living together. One night their mutual attraction boils over and finally brings them together. (nsfw)

Paris As It Lays - Belle has been working for Mr. Gold to fund her dream of traveling world, and fallen in love with him along the way. What happens when she asks him to come with her to Paris? An aesthetic and a ficlet for @mariequitecontrarie‘s birthday. (nsfw)

April

Rumbelle

Hearts Off Balance Chapter 2 & Chapter 3 (complete) Belle works at the same museum as Gold, and while she’s attracted to him, he’s being a huge ass. After being denied a promotion, she’s called into his office, and her frustration, sexual and otherwise, bubbles over. (nsfw)

Woven Lace

Happy Hour - An argument between Weaver and Lacey in Roni’s bar leads to sexy shenanigans in the bathroom. (nsfw)

May

Rumbelle

Parent Teacher Conference: Teacher Appreciation Week (nsfw) - Belle is a teacher, Gold is the parent of a student, and during parent-teacher conference night, they find themselves alone with their mutual attraction.

Parent Teacher Conference: Summer School (nsfw) - After a tutoring session, Belle and Gold find themselves alone in the house and unable to resist temptation.

Between Us (nsfw) - Rumplestiltskin accidentally spills a potion that has some interesting, awkward, and frustrating effects, which he tries to hide from Lady Belle. But Belle knows something is *up* and she’s determined to find out what… Part of The Between Verse Series.

Woven Lace

Scars to Show: Out of Sight (nsfw) - Lacey’s boyfriend is arrested, but not without incident. In the aftermath, Weaver finds himself on Lacey’s bad side, but an encounter at Roni’s leads to a making up… of sorts. Part of the Scars to Show verse which started with Happy Hour.

Doctor Who

Stay - Ten II x Rose For the drabble prompt “Stay” at doctorroseprompts on Tumblr.

June

Rumbelle

Parent Teacher Conference: 3 - After School Special (nsfw) - Gold and Neal go out for dinner, but whom should they see at Granny’s diner but the lovely Miss French.

Parent Teacher Conference: 4 - Distance Learning (nsfw) - A frustrated Belle starts fantasizing about Gold, who makes a very timely phone call.

Pillow Talk (nsfw) - For a prompt at a-monthly-rumbelling, Dark Castle, first time, fluff.  A quiet moment and some introspection after their first time.

Between Us Part 1 and 2 (nsfw)- Rumplestiltskin accidentally spills a potion that has some interesting, awkward, and frustrating effects, which he tries to hide from Lady Belle. For the lust potion prompt at a-monthly-rumbelling.

In These Final Hours (G) - Belle’s friends drag her out for drinks and karaoke on one of her last nights in Storybrooke. After a couple of glasses, she gets up the nerve to sing a song about unrequited love, secretly directed at her friend Mr. Gold. Except Mr. Gold is in the audience.

Woven Lace

Scars to Show: Lost On You (nsfw) - Lacey and Weaver go back to her place to finish what they started at the bar, but the end is not what Lacey expects.

July

Rumbelle

Lover of the Light - An RCIJ fic for @evilsnowswan. Belle finds a bowl of strawberries in the castle and it leads to a significant moment between her and Rumple. (nsfw)

Woven Lace

A Holy Fool - Weaver and Rogers do a little police work, but end up striking out. Meanwhile, Lacey has a disturbing moment after Nick is released from jail. (semi-nsfw but only for some dirty talk at the end)

August

Rumbelle

Parent Teacher Conference chapter 5 -  Belle has a no good, very bad day, and Gold makes it better. Right before he fucks it up… (nsfw)

Laundry Day -  Rumplestiltskin returns home to find Belle wearing a very interesting outfit. (nsfw)

Working Out chapter 16 COMPLETED!!! -  THE BIG DATE. Romance…go! I can’t believe I finished this fic finally.

Through a Paris Window - Gold admires his wife and can’t help taking a little video with his shiny new phone.

The Kissing Booth -  Belle is running a kissing booth to raise money for the library. When Gaston approaches, Mr. Gold comes to the rescue.

Golden Lace

The Don’t Fall in Love Job chapter 1 -  Con artist Lacey never planned on staying in Storybrooke, just long enough to let the heat cool off in Boston from her last job. She also never planned on falling in love with the town’s eccentric pawn broker, Mr. Gold, but here she is living a life built on nothing bu lies. Well, almost nothing… This is what happens after it all falls apart.

September

Rumbelle

Parent Teacher Conference chapter 6 - In the immediate aftermath of Neal disrupting their activities, Gold calls Belle and makes amends for his behavior. AKA Gold done fucked up and he knows it, but Belle is pretty forgiving…and also horny on main. (nsfw)

After Party - Belle and Gold arrive home from a formal party to have another party of their own.

The Bartender chapter 5  - After 84 years no updates, ta-da! Bartender!Belle and Gold work their Saturday night together.

Only Something in Me -  Furious over Rumple’s involvement with the Evil Queen, Belle confronts him in his shop. But things do not go as planned once Belle’s anger and jealous take over. Post 6x07 Heartless.

Golden Lace

The Don’t Fall in Love Job chapter 2 -  Con artist Lacey fic for the little Angst War continues. Gold goes after Lacey, and things get a bit heated. (nsfw)

The Don’t Fall in Love Job chapter 3 - After leaving Storybrooke, Lacey gets some unexpected, life changing news, and remembers the first time she met Mr. Gold.

Some Other Time - College student Lacey dumps her boyfriend and needs a new apartment, it just so happens her professor, Dr. Gold, has a room to rent. (Teen)

Some Other Time chapter 2 - For anon who asked: Does Some Other Time!Lacey do yoga? If so, does Gold like to watch without her noticing? (rating goes up to Mature!)

October

Rumbelle

The Bartender Part 6 - After not seeing Gold for a couple of weeks, Belle reflects on her feelings for him and decides to track him down.

The Bartender Part 7 - Now awake, Rumplestiltskin makes his way to his shop to recover and remember how he and Lacey met, while he figures out what to do next.

Parent Teacher Conference Chapter 7 - Belle goes to visit Gold in his shop, and of course naughtiness ensues. Extremely naughty (read the warnings.) (nsfw)

November

Rumbelle

The Bartender Part 8 - Rumplestiltskin visits Belle (Lacey) at the Rabbit Hole to make amends, and a date happens.

Parent Teacher Conference Chapter 8 - Belle goes to Gold’s house for dinner, but things don’t turn out the way either of them plan. 

Parent Teacher Conference Chapter 9 - Gold and Belle finally confront their feelings, and the future begins. (nsfw, and also complete!!)

Golden Lace

Some Other Time Part 3 -  Following Gold’s post-shower, full frontal mishap, Lacey attends one of his classes and things get…suggestive. (nsfw)

December

Rumbelle

The Pretty Librarian - Mr. Gold goes to the library to return a book and something unexpected happens. (nsfw)

Rumbelle/Golden Lace/Woven Lace/Macelle for 31 Days of Fandomas

A Card for Mr. Gold - Part 1 - 9 (Rumbelle, G) -  Mr. Gold receives a card on Christmas Eve.

The Gift - A Working Out ficlet (Rumbelle, Teen) - Belle gives Gold the best Christmas gift ever. Takes place after Working Out!Rumbelle are married, approximately 2.5 years after the end of the main story.

Win-Win Situation (Rumbelle, Explicit) -  Belle and her husband get up to some naughtiness at a holiday charity event. (nsfw)

Desperate Souls (Macelle and Macey, Teen) - Ex-priest Joseph is having a bad day, but someone is watching over him.

Yippee Ki Yay (Woven Lace, Mature) - Lacey and Weaver spend Christmas together. (nsfw)

Traditions(Golden Lace, G) - Lacey thinks she’s going to spend Christmas alone.

Some Other Time - Part 4 (Golden Lace, Explicit) - The incident with the lollipop behind them, Gold and Lacey look forward to the holidays. (nsfw)

Carol of the Belles (Rumbelle, G) - Mr. Gold is being driven slowly mad by the caroling outside his house.

All I Want for Christmas Part 1 - 5 (Rumbelle, Teen) - Young Gideon French tells Mr. Gold what he’d like for Christmas.

Very Nice Indeed (Golden Lace, Explicit) - Lacey asks Gold if she’s been naughty or nice. (nsfw)

One Hour (Woven Lace, Mature) - Lacey talks Weaver into going to a holiday party. (nsfw)

Some Other Time - Part 5 (Golden Lace, Explicit) - Lacey gets a package, and Gold gets a peek. (nsfw)

By the Fire (Rumbelle, G) - A quiet moment in the Dark Castle.

The Ornament (Golden Lace, G) - Lacey returns and sees Gold has fixed something.

Peppermint(Golden Lace, Explicit) - Gold needs to hear the words. (nsfw)

Some Other Time - Part 6 (Golden Lace, Explicit) - Lacey plans a sexy surprise for Gold, but her plans get derailed by another surprise. (Takes place immediately after the last chapter.) (nsfw)

Resolutions - New Year’s Eve aesthetic + drabble (Golden Lace, Teen) - Mr. Gold has made a New Year’s resolution.  

Kastle

No One Says It Out Loud (Kastle, Teen) - Karen’s house sitting for the holidays and Frank’s back in town.