#intervals is SO GOOD ugh

[lordgroose]

Intervals - circuit bender

[hwaflms]

HAPPY NOW? ★ [ j.jh ]

your family has been pressuring you for months to bring your boyfriend, jaehyun, over for dinner, and you think it’s really sweet that they like him so much. the only problem is that your “boyfriend” jaehyun, hates you.

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[☆] PAIRING. ex!jaehyun x f!reader

[☆] GENRE. angst, smut, fluff | fake dating?, exes to ??? au

[☆] WC. 19.9k (i don’t even know)

[☆] WARNINGS. angst, reader has anxiety, mentions of anxiety attacks, fighting, reader be lying a lot, reader has a little sister, crying, reader is kind of a dumbass, explicit content (piv smut), unprotected sex (don’t do this gang!), fingering, sex in public kinda, pls lmk if i forgot anything!!

[☆] NOTES. i’m so fucking annoyed with tumblr it’s not letting me insert images properly UGH this took me over 2 hours to upload man 🗣️ im pretty proud of this one ‼️ idek how it got this long but it’s my longest fic yet and it’s been sitting in my drafts for ages until i finally got the inspo to write it :p i want jaehyun so bad it’s not even funny tbh but anyway PLS GIVE ME FEEDBACK/A REBLOG LITERALLY ANYTHING IS APPRECIATED <33

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six months.

you haven't seen this door in six months.

it's funny because, this was a door you used to push open and walk through every other day, yet now you stand on the opposite side of it, unsure as to whether you should even be thinking of knocking.

your hand is raised to the door, shaped like a fist but you make no move to actually knock. you were aware that you still had time to bail out of this, that you could turn on your heel and make your merry way back to your sad little house and go back to pretending you're happy with the choice you made six months ago.

or you could just do what you came all the way here to do.

the weather seems to be in your favour, at least. the sun shines radiantly, making the temperature warm, but not too warm, and a cool breeze travels through the air in short intervals. the summer had begun early, birds chirping in their habitual singsong way and wild bougainvillea already flowering in various shades of pink and lilac. usually when the day starts off with good weather, the rest of it follows suit, and thus your day is made better. hopefully, this is the case for you today.

pausing for a short, morale-boosting intake of air, you tighten your fist and knock, knock, knock on the mahogany door, immediately regretting your decision as you feel your stomach churn and plummet. a good ten seconds pass, and you hear no reply nor movement from the inside of the house, and part of you is relieved because that means he may not be home.

more than happy to do a 180° and skip along joyously back to the metro that would take you home, your feet begin to make for that trip but your mind decides against it. you know that you are being overly dramatic, but even with being aware of this, your heart rate does not slow down one bit. you also know that what you've come here to do is more than just selfish, its pathetic and rather embarrassing. it's also a hugely unsavoury request, and if your roles were reversed, you'd most definitely laugh in his face and shut the door.

finally somewhat making up your mind with a quiet groan, you raise your clenched fist and rap against his front door again in a set of three. you nervously shift your weight from your right to your left foot, then back to your right and then once again to your left, the anxiety and anticipation not allowing you to stand still and relax, thinking that if he doesn't answer this time, you really will just return home.

"hold on, i'm coming!", a hurried, muffled voice calls from inside the house and you don't think your heart has ever beaten this fast in your life. not even during the one time you ran a marathon to prove a point to your friend chenle, and while you did show him that you didn't only run to get away from spiders, your body took its own sweet time to recover from that.

now you hear footsteps approaching the door from the opposite side of it, and you don't think you can handle anymore of this tortuous, build up of a wait because you are quite literally one step away from calling it a day and just sprinting your way out of there, just like you did on the last few metres of the aforementioned marathon, and you know he's nearing the door because the footsteps are getting clearer and clearer, and soon he's going to open the door, take one look at you and just slam the door right in your face, but not before spewing verbal explosives at you, which would be totally deserved since he has every right to just spit on you and tell you how you're a terrible, downright horrible human being completely unworthy of forgiveness and-

"sorry for making you wait so long, i was-"

if your heart rate was at its maximum speed before, now it just stopped.

standing in front of you, in the flesh, was the man who's heart you broke six months ago.

jaehyun had just about opened his door in a way that his body was sticking halfway out of it, but he was now frozen in that position, neither in nor out, just stuck there looking like he was contemplating his next move. he adorned a loose, white shirt that clung to his defined shoulders and chest, paired with a pair of red plaid pants with a patch of some different material stitched just above where his knee was. you'd recognise those pants just about anywhere, having worn them a number of times and being the cause of that strange patch with mismatched material (you'd tried to balance a pot of steaming hot ramen on your knee in order to move something, resulting in it causing a burn in the pant).

his attire tells you that he was either just about to eat breakfast, in the process of eating breakfast, or about to finish breakfast; jaehyun was not an early riser and he liked to take his time getting ready for the day.

apart from his slightly changed hair, jaehyun looks the same as he did before, if not better. his once shorter, straight, brown hair, was now a darker kind of black and longer in a silky, mullet-y, layered sort of way, the mullet part stopping just above where his shirt met his neck and the front bits falling on to his face in thin, soft wisps.

everything about the man was captivating and entrancing, but if you had to pick a specific feature that really takes the cake, it would have to be his eyes. his eyes, deep-set and fierce, always gave the impression that he was cold or unapproachable, whereas in reality, he was the opposite. as striking as they may be, they always carried a certain warmth to them.

while they still held the same intensity to them, the warmth was missing as he looked straight at you now. after the brief moment of confusion when he first opened the door dissipated, the familiarity had sunk in, and his expression now was more or less unreadable, but you still tried to make out what he was thinking and feeling- was it shock? anger? maybe even disgust?

"okay, are you going to just stand there or are you going to say something?"

you think it was largely a combination of the last two. in all your fidgeting and gawking, you'd forgotten to actually speak to the man who's door you'd just knocked on, leaving him standing there wordless and confused, an eyebrow raised as he waited for you to open your mouth.

you try to do so, so many words wanting to tumble out your mouth but an invisible gate seems to block it, so now you're just stood still with your mouth opening and closing soundlessly, looking like an idiot.

c'mon y/n, fucking say something, anything-

"how have you been?", is what you decide to go with to break the silence in the end, an awkward smile plastered on to your face. you realise before the sentence is even fully out of your mouth that that would be a really weird thing to start off with, seeing as you and jaehyun have had absolutely zero contact for six months, and are obviously not on the most wonderful terms.

jaehyun's eyebrows furrow, a look of clear disbelief on his face as he clutches his door handle a little tighter. he looks away with a sarcastic smile, shaking his head before turning back to look you dead in the eye. oh, he's going to slam the door on you, you just know it-

"really? 'how have you been'?", he questions incredulously, licking his bottom lip while an exasperated smile plays at them. funnily enough, his response is somewhat relieving to your pitiful self, because you weren't even expecting to hear a reply to what you said, you figured he'd just walk away. you would've. "we haven't seen each for six months since we broke up and 'how have you been' is the best you've got?"

you wince apologetically and bite your lip, playing with your fingers nervously as he quite literally stares you down, irritation written all over his face.

he waits a couple more beats for you to break the tense silence and speak but you are inwardly (and outwardly) struggling to word your thoughts, so he simply scoffs and backs away to return inside.

"okay wait, i didn't tell my family that we broke up and they keep pressuring me to bring you home for the holidays, so i would really like if you'd pretend you don't hate me and come with me."

you don't even want to open your eyes to witness his reaction to your blurted little confession, so you merely stand, frozen in place with your eyes squeezed shut tightly. a couple seconds pass yet you don't hear a door slam, a good sign, so you take that as an affirmative to open your eyes.

he doesn't say anything, or do anything either really, he just leans against his doorframe with another indecipherable expression. this irks you even though you know you have no right to feel irked, but the fact that you once had the ability to know what he was thinking and now don't bothers you to the core. plus, it leaves you feeling unsure as to whether to continue. he might just start laughing at you manically or angrily tell you to get off his property like some bitter, 60-year-old man, and either of these scenarios would be completely fair of him to do.

the heavy realisation that your request sounded absolutely delusional and conceited dawns upon you, and something about his irksome expression makes you feel like you should keep talking. "you have literally every right to just tell me to fuck off, and i don't even expect an answer, i don't really know why i even came here, oh my god- this is so fucking stupid, i'm so fucking stupid and honestly i don't know why you're still standing here listening to me ramble-"

"i need to get ready then. give me ten minutes."

✧ ──────── ✧ ──────── ✧

the front door you're stood at now holds a very different ambience to the previous one. while jaehyun's was quiet and peaceful, the front door to your parents house reveals that the inside is just bustling with activity. the chorus of kate bush's 'running up that hill' plays faintly from behind the door, so you figured that your dad must have brought out his old record player from the dusty attic.

jaehyun stands beside you, hands shoved into the pockets of his light grey hoodie that you feel he must be boiling in, because you're wearing a black tank top with some loose cargoes that you think you might have drenched with sweat.

the sweat would be from the burning heat, but also from the agitation you're really starting to feel. there are so many different ways this dinner could go. what if jaehyun suddenly tells them the truth? then everyone in the room would hate you, and rightly so. you don't want to have to explain to your parents why you broke up with him; it's a stupid fucking reason, if you can even call it that, and it made you completely miserable. how were you supposed explain to your little sister that you and jaehyun aren't together anymore? you suppose relationships are a totally foreign concept to her young mind, but you were sure that she knew you and jaehyun loved each other very much. and you knew she loved jaehyun very much.

he does not look at you, instead choosing to really focus on the christmas themed welcome mat that your parents put out during the winter of '09 and never bothered to change. how he even agreed to come here with you, you don't know, but to say you're grateful would be an understatement.

"you still have time to back out, you know.", you mumble softly, trying to give him one more chance to escape, but he doesn't even spare you a glance, shaking his head and squinting at the door.

"let's just get this over with."

with a small sigh, your raise your hand to press your parents doorbell, the embarrassingly loud 'ding dong' ringing out from behind the door. "oh, that must be her!", you hear the muffled voice of your father speak from the inside, making a slight smile form on your lips.

within a couple seconds, you hear the sound of the muted metal bolt as your dad struggles to open the door to let you in. a grunt of "this damn door..." makes both you and jaehyun release short giggles, and you peek over at jaehyun to see his lips curl upwards into a smile, a small one but it's still breathtakingly pretty . he clears his throat and it's gone in a flash, but the image doesn't leave your mind, and you're still seeing it when your dad finally manages to open the door. "i really need to start using the new lock", he mutters, shifting his eyes to you with a big grin, leaving against the doorframe with his arms folded. "hello, sweetheart."

you chuckle and throw your arms around him, squeezing him a little as he laughs and pats your back in return. releasing you, he turns to jaehyun with a smile, who promptly sticks his hand out politely. "hello, mr. l/n, long time no see."

your dad ignores his hand, throwing his head back with a gruff laugh. "what's with all the formalities, come here, son.", and with that he gives jaehyun a hug as well, a slightly shorter one albeit, but a hug nonetheless. the word 'son' repeats in your mind like an echo, sounding more and more distorted the longer you focus on it. you can't even begin to think of what was going through jaehyun's mind. this was not your brightest idea.

you notice your mom waiting by the door with her hands behind her back, eyes bright and shiny. "hi, mom.", you beam, and she laughs cheerily, opening her arms for you to run into, which you do. she presses numerous kisses to the crown of your head, making you groan lightheartedly and try to escape her hold, but it only tightens. "oh, how i've missed you."

"i missed you too, mom.", you say but she's already let you go and is making a bee line for jaehyun with her arms open, who falls into the hug so readily and comfortably. "i may have missed you, y/n, but i missed jaehyun ten times more.", she jokes, pinching jaehyun's cheeks affectionately.

jaehyun is turning bright red, but he has a toothy grin on his face, a real one, you can tell. his eyes travel the front room where all of you are stood with a nostalgic smile, having not seen it or your parents in over six months. you watch as they look from the various photo frames hung up on the wall alongside the staircase, to the curtains that they recently changed, finally landing on the record player thay was sitting on the table. "wow, mr. l/n, where did you get this?", jaehyun asks, and you wonder whether he's trying to make conversation or if he's genuinely curious. you think it may be the second one.

while him and your dad engage in small talk about his record player, you turn to your mom to ask of the whereabouts of your little sister, and as if on cue, you hear an excited squeal from the top of the stairs. all four heads turn to see your sister bounding down the stairs hurriedly, paying no mind to your mom's strained shout of "careful!".

"y/n!", she piped, finally reaching the bottom of the stairs and running straight to you, wrapping her arms around your legs. she barely reaches your hip so her hug is really just her face pressed into your thigh with her arms squeezing your legs together, while you pat the top of her head.

somehow managing to pry her off of your legs, you kneel and give her a proper hug in return, now happy that you made the decision to come home for a bit of your holiday. she lets go and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and jutting her hand out to you, urging you to take it.

you smile and furrow your eyebrows with confusion but you take the paper anyway, opening it as carefully as you could so as to not tear it anywhere. smoothing it out flat on your knee, you're greeted with a drawing; two people stand holding hands under a deep blue sky, a large yellow sun shining in one corner along with some "birds" that are really just little 'v's scribbled in black. they're stood on a beach, at least you think they are because there are two shades of blue on the paper, one of them probably being the blue hue of the ocean.

you assume the two people are you and your sister, since one of them has shorter, shoulder length hair and is miniscule compared to the other person, who's hair length and height are similar to yours.

you hold the picture to your chest and pull your sister in for another heartfelt hug, kissing her temple. "is this us?", you ask her, pointing at the two people in the drawing. she gives you a proud nod in return, taking the picture from your hands and holding it in front of her face. "yup! the big girl is you and the small girl is me! we're gonna go swimming.", she informs you, flashing you the toothiest of smiles. "thank you, it's perfect.", you tell her, ruffling her hair a little as she hands you the drawing back.

she clearly doesn't appreciate that, because she whines and swats your hands away, but soon her eyes focus on something behind you and they enlarge, the second excited squeal of the day emerging from her lips. "jae!", she just about screams, completely abandoning you in favour of running off to jaehyun, who has a wide smile on his face and looks equally as happy as her. he scoops her up in his arms and lifts her in front of his face, doing a little spin as peals of laughter escape her.

he finally puts her down but she holds on to his hand, looking at the male with absolute adoration. "hi, cutie.", he boops her nose affectionately to which she giggles, turning to look at you. "you didn't tell me jaehyun was coming!"

"i wasn't sure if he could make it", you reply to her honestly, looking at jaehyun as you speak because only the two of you know what you really mean by that. he holds your eye contact for perhaps a millisecond longer than he did before, but again, it was gone in a flash. he clears his throat a little and straightens up, rocking back on his heels.

sensing a shift in the air but mistaking it for some form of awkwardness, your mother shoos the rest of your family away in the direction of the kitchen. "they probably want to freshen up together, let's let them do that."

once they're gone, it feels like you can finally release your breath, truly seeing this situation going wrong in so many ways. they don't suspect anything yet, but how much longer until they eventually connect the dots? or what if they don't even need to do that, because jaehyun only agreed so he could embarrass you by telling them the whole story? you don't acknowledge the tense silence until jaehyun speaks up. "can i use the guest bathroom? still the second door on the right, yeah?"

you don't respond immediately because you're processing the fact that he still remembers these minute details. you also realise he's only asking because he doesn't want to share your bathroom with you, and that clears your thoughts up a little. you nod in affirmation and he begins climbing up the stairs, and you wait until you hear he's reached the upstairs landing before you move.

it's so tense. the last time you were in this house with jaehyun, you had taken a short road trip to get there. you say road trip, but it was just a couple hours long, but the playlist you and jaehyun had curated said otherwise. you arrived at the house and everyone was all smiles, your parents just happy to have you home and happy to see him as well. you think that part's just as hard as thinking about the two of you together. the fact that your slightly judgemental parents adored him, your little sister looked at him with stars in her eyes– you had lucked out in every department, and you were always aware of it, the joint guilt you felt from breaking it off and lying to your parents really getting to you now.

you swore that after this was over, you would apologise to jaehyun and finally break the truth to your parents.

finishing off in the bathroom, you step out into the hall, only to bump straight into jaehyun. backing up awkwardly, you both try to get past each but keep going in the same direction, resulting in a bunch of 'sorry–'s and 'wait– just–'s being blurted out by the two of you. finally getting past you, he doesn't look back at you again, just walking down the stairs mumbling something about "they're waiting...".

wincing, you make your way down the stairs as well, arriving at the living room to see your mom standing beside your dad with an excited expression on her face. you approach with caution, noting that your dad has his hands behind his back. "so...", your mother starts, raising her shoulders a little out of anticipation. "since we haven't seen the two of you in a while...we got you some presents! nothing too grand but..."

"mom, it's not even christmas", you whine, ready to argue with them because you feel bad that whatever they got was still overpriced, but your mother shakes her head, urging your dad to reveal the presents. "just take a look first..."

in one hand he holds a small, white box, no bigger than his palm, and your mom picks it up, holding it out to you. the print on the box is small and typewriter-like, the material it's made out of just screaming fancy. you narrow your eyes at your parents but take the box in your hand anyway, pushing it open. inside, it reveals maybe the prettiest necklace you've seen; dainty and silver, the chain is simple but it's the pendant that's the real charm– it's an uncut stone of some kind, a pale, translucent white crystal that's pretty much shapeless but it's wrapped in this thin silver wire that forms little loops and hearts over the stone and it makes it so alluring.

"it's a seaglass necklace", your mom speaks, taking the necklace out of its box for you and inclining her head for you to turn around. you're now facing jaehyun, who looks curiously at the new piece of jewellery with the faintest of smiles on his face. pushing your hair to the side, your mother places the necklace around your neck and clasps it (though it takes her a while, squinting and looking at the necklace hook from every angle because she forgot to wear her reading glasses). she leads you to the mirror by the entrance of the hall so you could get a better look at the necklace hanging on top of your collarbones, reaching up to touch it. "you remember? from that lady who owned the fancy place by the beach last summer?"

you do remember. that was the first trip jaehyun had joined you and your family for, under the suggestion of your little sister. when you brought up the fact that jaehyun was going back home to see his parents a little later than he had anticipated, your sister immediately asked if he would want to come with all of you, who were heading to the beach in a day or two for a little family getaway. and much to your surprise, your parents were very warm to the idea of jaehyun accompanying the lot of you. he must have severely impressed them the first time he met them, bringing a bouquet of flowers for your mother and a hearty bottle of whiskey for your dad– it's like he had won their hearts before he had even stepped inside the house.

of course, he had met them a couple more times again after that, but your parents had never raised any issues about your then boyfriend. your dad had claimed that he wanted jaehyun to come along so he could "keep an eye on him" and "see how he treats you in front of us", but you knew all too well he just wanted someone to talk to about his interest in sound systems. the trip had gone so smoothly, so perfectly and you think that it had planted the seeds of doubt in your mind about your relationship.

the position of the window and sun allowed for the light to bleed on to half of your face, the necklace glinting under the rays as you stood in front of the mirror and surveyed it. the last couple drops of the golden hour sun slipped through the windowpane and painted your skin like it was a canvass and the necklace was the cherry on top. you were radiant, and the look in jaehyun's eyes told you that he knew it too. when your eyes meet in the mirror, it's like he tears his eyes away from you, forcing himself to look at his shoes.

snapping out of your soon-to-be miserable thoughts, you fix a smile on to your face so as to not seem ungrateful, turning to hug your mother. "i love it", and you really do, knowing that you wouldn't be wearing a single other piece of jewellery for the next couple months.

jaehyun stands in the doorway soundlessly, just taking in the scene. he had always told you that he wished his family was as close and tight-knit as yours, but due to his dad always being away on some business trip or another and his mother having her own job to attend to, it resulted in a lot of time spent by himself.

you think that might be way he slotted right in with the rest of you, from the very first meet, because his desire to belong worked very well with your family's lively, chaotic home, which welcomed him right away. this was the main reason why couldn’t bring yourself to tell your family that you had broken up him mercilessly. they wouldn’t blame you of course, but you know everyone would be immensely disappointed when they realised that he hadn’t even done anything wrong in the first place; he was so good to you, and they just wanted to see you happy.

while your mom cooed at how pretty the necklace looked on you, your dad faces jaehyun with a wide grin on his face. "you didn't think we'd forget about you, did you?"

he probably wasn't expecting anything for himself, because you weren't either, so you and jaehyun simultaneously furrow your eyebrows. "oh, mr. l/n, you didn't have to–", he starts but your father is quick to cut him off, waving his hands. "what nonsense. of course we had to get you something, it's no big deal", he tries to appear nonchalant but the smile that creeps on to his face is a telltale sign that it is, in fact, a big deal. "besides, if you're family to y/n, you're family to us."

it's as if someone just stuck a large knife into you, the pang you just felt in your stomach. you can't even begin to think about what must be going through jaehyun's head, because even he can't hide the way his eyes soften at your dad's words. watching your sister spring up from the couch, she runs behind your father and plucks whatever he was holding out of his hands, now revealed to be a medium-sized bag. "i wanna give it to jaehyun!", with that, she's running over to him with the toothiest smile plastered on her cheeks, holding the bag out to jaehyun with stretched arms.

he ruffles her hair just like you did, but she makes absolutely zero complaints as he does it– if anything she's revelling in it. this makes you want to scoff, but you smile instead without thinking about it, taking a couple steps away from the mirror and towards them. "are you gonna open it or should i take it back to the store?", your dad jokes and jaehyun chuckles quietly while you don't even bother forcing a laugh, and he takes the bag from your sister's hands, mumbling a soft 'thank you'.

from where you're standing, you can't see what's inside the bag, but you can see jaehyun's eyes widen when he looks inside and back up at everyone. "me and mrs. l/n, i can't take this."

"of course you can", your mother tuts in response, dismissing him with her hand. "if i recall correctly, you had said something about your airpods not working properly?"

realisation dawns on your face when jaehyun pulls the shiny headphones from the bag, turning them over in his hand. "i think i did mention it, yeah...", he nods, eyes scanning over the clear box he holds. you remember that only one of his airpods would function properly, the other deciding whenever it wanted to do its job. you didn't realise your parents remembered, as well. "but these are so expensive, i can't–"

"do you like them or not?", your dad asks, shrugging his shoulders. jaehyun's quick to nod, "yes, i love them but–"

"then end of story." your father's not hearing anyone out, even going so far as to cover his ears jokingly when jaehyun opens his mouth again. after your sister tugs on his pant leg and urges him to try them out, jaehyun slips them over his ears, whipping his phone to connect them to it. he thought it was too expensive to try fixing his airpods so he resorted to listening with just the one ear in, or using your headphones till you broke up.

by the look on his face, they work just fine, and he couldn't be happier. a wide smile is pressed on his face, a real one that doesn't even drop when he makes eye contact with you. you smile back at him slowly, but he doesn't look away immediately, slowly turning to look at your parents. "i don't know what to say. thank you."

you'd had a couple boyfriends before, not none as close to your family as jaehyun had been. none of your previous relationships had lasted very long and you could never pinpoint the exact reason why, you just knew at some point that you had to break it off. your mother always thought that this was a result of your first ever relationship, the first and last man that ever dumped you. it crushed you at the time, though you were able to power through, but since then, relationships were never your strong suit. change seemed promising when you met jaehyun through a mutual friend, however. he was kind, he was smart and he was genuine, three traits that you didn't typically see in guys you dated, but you didn't see any reason to dwell on your biggest fumble yet.

the rest of time until dinner continues in a steadfast manner with all of you sitting in the living room. the scene looked like something out of a corny movie montage, but the beautiful part of it was that it was reality, all the laughs, the eye-smiles, the stupid jokes and conversations, all of it. your parents had recently returned from a holiday together that they took to celebrate their wedding anniversary, which meant that you two deserved to look through all eight hundred and sixty two of the photos they took. super proud of the new projector he had ordered off amazon, your dad had connected his phone to it and was going through his gallery slideshow-style, with your mom making offhand comments about every other photo.

"that's from when we went on a date to this fancy restaurant, that's from the shoe store your dad wanted to go to...oh! that's when your dad just learnt how to take 0.5x pictures on his new phone!"

your mom speaks animatedly while each photo is being shown, pointing out various different things without any prompting. there were badly taken selfies of your parents that made both you and jaehyun laugh, pictures of the different kinds of food they ate, the said 0.5's of your mother taken from the top of her forehead– your dad was slapping his knee even though your mom wasn't too impressed.

after what seemed like years, they ran out of vacation pictures and moved on to pictures and videos taken during your little sister's talent show. this was especially endearing, because your normally high-energy sister was suddenly all shy and avoidant of eye contact in the presence of jaehyun, particularly displeased with a video of her singing on stage.

jaehyun wipes the pout right off her face however, poking her cheek with a smile. "you sound amazing, s/n", he pipes genuinely, and she's back to smiling again, even offering to sing the song for everyone towards the end. no one has the heart to turn down so innocent a request, so for the next couple minutes you are subjected to a very slightly off-key rendition of some song from the movie 'frozen'. everyone cheers when she is done, jaehyun even throwing in a little "whoo!" for good measure, and your sister performs a small curtsey before seating herself between you and jaehyun's legs.

you're situated on the same couch, but only so that things don't look weird. you invited him here to pose as your boyfriend, and he agreed, so you have to play the part too. that part wasn't as hard as you expected, the acting like a couple, no, it was the avoiding questions that was really getting to you. at some point in the conversation, your dad had congenially asked jaehyun when the next time he'd be coming home was. normally, he would congenially reply with something like "as soon as possible", but this time, he just froze. he appeared to attempt a reply, but was cut short at "uh–", the rest of the sentence never following through.

hoping to repair the awkward moment, you start to construct a fib. "jaehyun's been uh– you know, working at one of those um, nursing homes–", this is too out-of-the-box a reply even for jaehyun who turns to you, trying and failing to the hide incredulous look on his face.

"a nursing home? oh, i didn't know you were training to be a nurse!", your mother is surprised but definitely not disappointed, placing her hand on her chest with a sympathetic look on her face as she looks at jaehyun. he looks as if he's trying to speak to you using only his eyes, widening and squinting them at a rapid pace, tilting his head towards you so your parents don't see his expression. there are clear signs of confusion and you're aware he's questioning your decisions, but that's as far as you get with his eye signals and you let him know by shrugging and wincing, so he closes them while sighing inwardly and turns to face your parents, a fake smile stuck on his lips.

"yes! haha, funny story, this one...", he grits his teeth but furthers your stupid concoction of a story, snapping his fingers while trying to think. "i'm not really training to be a nurse, i just volunteer there sometimes. love being around old people, you know, makes me feel full of life–"

you cut him off before he can make this even worse for the both of you, taking in your mother's furrowed eyebrows and your dad's slightly opened mouth. "yes, well, it's hard for him to catch a break, you know, with all the...", you slap your hand over his knee and give it a little squeeze, turning to him with a grin while he smiles tightly back at you, eyes focusing on the hand on his thigh without changing his expression. "...hard work he does."

jaehyun's eyes don't leave your hand, seeing as this is the first act of skinship in six months, albeit casual. your hand feels so hot that you think you might be burning a hole through the material of jaehyun's jeans, finally ripping your hand off of him.

"of course...", your father trails off in confusion, and no one can seem to make head or tails of the situation. in a moment, your mother pauses before clapping her hands, seemingly already forgotten about the strange situation as she chimes "dinner in five!~". your sister scampers off with claims of helping your mother out in the kitchen (and probably to try and secure a spot close to you and jaehyun), and jaehyun stands up and heads to the cupboard containing all your placemats without out even being asked. you offer to help but he shakes his head, and you opt to go sit back down on one of the arm chairs facing the kitchen area, just observing.

this was one of jaehyun's qualities that made you fall in love with him, but also pissed you off to no end. first of all, didn't he ever get tired of just being so good all the time? second of all, why couldn't his own parents see what everyone else saw in him? and thirdly, why did you choose to ruin your life six months ago? as for the last one, you knew why, but the extent of your stupidity was real apparent to you now.

you look away when he meets your eyes and catches you, your heart beating fast when you see out of the corner of your eye that his gaze lingers for a moment or two. underneath all that hatred, was there still a small part of him that cared about you? after you broke up with him, over call that too, he attempted to call you back two or three times, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up. out of fear or maybe even shame, you never answered his calls and since then, you'd had no contact.

it was impossible. with a break-up like that and six month's worth of time to sit and think about it, you imagine that one could hold a surprising amount of hatred for someone–especially after a relationship as real as yours. if you switched the roles, you think you wouldn't feel much different.

at your mom's signal, you heave yourself off the couch and to the dining table, seating yourself next to jaehyun (everyone expected you to sit with him, they left the chair empty on purpose). your sister has already claimed the spot opposite jaehyun and was patiently awaiting the vegetables that she knew your mother was going to pile on her plate, a little pout forming on her lips at the sight of broccoli. "you can't make that face every time, like i'm feeding you dog food", your mother scolds her with a smile, giving her a generous helping of veggies. the pout deepens and she folds her arms with a cross look on her face. "you guys don't have to eat the broccoli. why do i?"

she's got a point, you think, but before you can tell her to just eat them, jaehyun speaks. "that's exactly what my little cousin sungchan said...", jaehyun tells her, looking around the table with a dramatic sigh. "and we all know what happened to him..."

little cousin sungchan? as far as you know, there is no little cousin sungchan, and you know a lot about jaehyun's family, so you put your fork down in favour of listening to his story at the same time your sister curiously asks, "what happened?".

"well, like you, sungchan didn't like eating his veggies", starting off the story with a shrug under your mother's listening ears, he talks in a low voice. "he'd always argue with my aunt till one day, he refused to eat them.

your sister is knocking food around her plate while she listened to jaehyun, and she's not impressed with the story so far. "see! why can't i do that?", she asks indignantly, and your mother shoots jaehyun a look to which he winced and continues. "nothing happened for a while, so sungchan thought he had proved his point. but he hadn't heard of the veggie monster."

the story is heading in such a stupid direction that you almost laugh out loud, but you catch yourself when you notice your sister's expression, guarded and wary. "...the veggie monster? ...that's not real...", she speaks like she's not fully sure of her words herself, pausing her attack on her food.

"sungchan thought that too", jaehyun agrees, lowering his voice like one would when telling a scary story, looking around him like it could be listening before continuing, for the story's sake. "but he didn't know that without veggies, a child's body is weak. their bones don't grow strong, they stay small and their minds aren't sharp at all. that's how the veggie monster chooses his targets."

you hold back a snort at your sister's wide-eyed expression and how serious jaehyun looks, he's even got your dad attempting to look nonchalant as he followed the story. "the less veggies a kid eats, the weaker they get, and that's easy pickings for the veggie monster. he comes late at night, and there's no point in hiding because he knows. he can smell when a kid doesn't have enough vitamins and it makes him hungry."

with your sister, your parents and even you hanging on to every word, jaehyun lowers his voice to almost a whisper, and all of you lean in closer to listen. "legend has it that he looks so scary that you lose the ability to move or speak, so he just takes you. sungchan was never seen again. the police said he was missing but i knew what happened to him."

you have to admit, jaehyun can tell a story. the atmosphere felt more eerie as he concluded the story cryptically, but your sister looks positively gutted. "did he take him?", she questions, face white and voice small. he nods slowly, like he didn't want to be talking about this, and all you can think about is how this man deserved an award after the show he put on. "i had my suspicions. no one believed me, but i'm ninety-nine percent sure that at dinner, i saw a pair of dark, red eyes staring straight into the kitchen from the window."

as if nature was a paid fucking actor, a slight crash sounds from outside the window on cue, like if a cat knocked over a plastic bin, but you're pretty sure your sister shit her pants. you've never seen her shovel vegetables into her mouth at that kind of record speed before, even your parents are looking at her astounded. with her food in her mouth, she pleads with glazed eyes, "please– i'm sorry, i'll have my veggies, don't let him take me!"

it takes all of you a little while to convince your sister that she'd be completely fine if she ate all the veggies given to her and that the veggie monster wouldn't even think of her, but it's safe to say that she'd never leave a bit of stray carrot on her plate ever again. your mom comically mouths 'thank you' to jaehyun which makes you laugh, and you turn to smile at him, and he gives you a nod in return. small steps, you think, because a nod is a whole lot better than a glare.

the rest of the dinner continues as if nothing changed. sure, you and jaehyun knew things were different, but it didn't fully feel like it at the moment. your mom had prepared a lot of nice food for the occasion, and your dad even helped, particularly proud of the way his stir fry turned out. jaehyun made sure to compliment both your parents on their cooking, and they all but melted– he still knew exactly how to talk to them. conversation was easy; you talked about work, you talked about how university was going, you talked about the school play your sister was going to take part in, about jaehyun's parents, nothing was forced.

you'd fall into comfortable silences at times in favour of sitting back and observing, listening, just being a part of the moment. for someone who was so reluctant to be here, jaehyun seems comfortable, the familiarity of the situation helping ease the tension between the two of you. expecting some bumps along the way, you were rather pleased with how things were turning out, but you were also anticipating the end of the lovely evening– where you and jaehyun would eventually go your separate ways. you don't want to think about it just yet, not when everything was going so smoothly, and your opportunity to snap out of your thoughts is presented to you, just not in the way you would have liked.

your mother's question seems to have thrown jaehyun for a loop as well, because his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks blatantly confused. at some point during a lull in the conversation, your mother had politely asked jaehyun how his christmas in japan had gone; the only problem with this question was that he never had a christmas in japan, not to his knowledge anyway. this, was yet another lie you had told your parents, when they had asked why jaehyun hadn't accompanied you home to celebrate christmas, like he had originally planned to. unbeknownst to them, you had already broken up with him prior to the christmas holidays, so jaehyun wasn't exactly going to come along anyway. so, you told them that he had to spend christmas with an aunt in japan, for familial reasons.

you didn't exactly have time to prep jaehyun and give him a run down of every single lie he had to play along with, so he turns to you with a look of uncertainty and desperation in his eyes. "my, uh- christmas? in japan?", he puts emphasis on the two keywords, not blinking when he speaks directly to you in hopes that you would take the hint and help him out.

"yeah, your christmas. in japan. with your aunt", you reply to him with the same tone and expression as he does, trying your best to sound subtle so your parents don't catch on.

"yes, with your aunt! we were so sad to hear that you couldn't make it for christmas", your mother is unknowingly helping jaehyun catch up with the fake story, and he releases a short "ahh" during his moment of 'recollection'. "right, my real aunt who definitely lives in japan."

he grits his teeth when he talks, making you grimace and the fact that your parents look completely puzzled doesn't help. you need to save your dignity anyway, so you try to cut jaehyun off before he can make things worse. "haha, jaehyun of course she's your real aunt, silly", you awkwardly chuckle, feigning nonchalance when you bump his shoulder with your fist, wishing you could telepathically communicate with him right now, but you'd probably only be saying "please, please, please" on repeat.

he sighs but speaks up again, much to your relief. "it was slightly boring, my aunt doesn't do much", he laughs softly, fully back in character. "but you know, it's still nice to spend time with your family."

if your parents are suspicious, they don't say anything, seemingly satisfied with jaehyun's answer. dinner continues with few hitches until jaehyun insists that he washes the dishes. "it's the least i can do, after you both made such delicious food."

your mother at least tries to argue with him for a bit, but your dad is quite happy to not have to wash dishes, patting jaehyun on the back before standing up. what surprises you however, is jaehyun turning to you with the sweetest, most fake smile you've seen in a minute plastered on his face. "you mind helping, y/n?"

smiling tightly, you nod and begin clearing the table. this is done in silence, neither of you even looking at each other as you pick up dishes and carry them to the kitchen. your sister has run off to the living room to watch some t.v with your dad, and it feels like you're finally allowed to breathe when your mother exits the room as you’re picking up the last dirty dish. walking into the kitchen, jaehyun's back is facing you while he washes dishes, the environment and the little tune he's humming making everything seem so domestic in your eyes. this is how dinner used to always go when he came over, with you and him washing the dishes together in the end, taking breaks to splash each other with the soapy water or making out secretly by the counter.

but the air is foreign now, none of the former warmth or softness remaining. he turns to you with a frown when you place the final dish on the side of the sink, and he really doesn't look too happy. "visiting an aunt in japan? really?", he scoffs, looking incredulous while you look sheepish, avoiding his eye contact entirely.

you were expecting something like this but you hated being put on the spot. "i don't know, okay, what else was i supposed to say?", the exasperation in your voice is evident but it only fuels jaehyun, and rightfully so.

"i got an idea, how about 'oh, he can't come because i dumped his ass over call for no reason, sorry'?", he digs snidely, voice laden with scorn. there it is. "or is that too close to the truth for you?"

he doesn’t even let you open your mouth, chucking the cloth he was using to dry the dishes on the counter somewhere, folding his arms while he looks at you in a hostile way. “you wanna know how i really spent my christmas, y/n?”, he sneers sardonically, a sarcastic smile etched on to his lips. “alone in my house. miserable. i wish i had an aunt in fucking japan that i could’ve spent it with.”

you hate to admit it, but his words sting and you are well aware that you deserve it. just asking him to join you for this dinner was a huge reach, a request you really didn't expect him to accept. you don't fully understand why he did, though. he clearly despised you, so many be it was out of love for your family? you know jaehyun cared for them, but doing all this was uncharacteristic even for him. when you don't say anything but wear an agonised expression on your face, jaehyun further questions you.

"do you not have anything to say for yourself?", he tries again, his voice a little softer and more hopeful than before but you look like you're fighting some internal battle that doesn't involve him. he exhales deeply, clearly disappointed in your lack of an explanation and just walks past you and out of the kitchen.

you remain in the kitchen for a couple beats more, trying your level best to collect yourself. you can feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes and your breathing is quicker, but this is the absolute worst time to have a little panic attack in the kitchen. how you wished the two of you could just forget about everything for a minute so you could wrap your arms around his figure and fall into his embrace, feeling like that would solve all your problems. it's selfish and wrong, but you know that you're not getting over jaehyun anytime soon.

you'd come to that conclusion a couple months back. the first month after you broke things off with him was possibly the worst time of your life, struggling to eat, sleep or even get out of bed. your friends urged you to reach out to him like they knew you wanted to, but you remained stubborn, convinced at the time that you had made the right decision that would hurt the least for the both of you. you were wrong, you could see that now, but you knew it was much too late. you'd already gone through all the stages of grief, but seeing jaehyun again in this environment had really gone and thrown a spanner in the works for you, all because of your terrible decision-making skills.

any hopes you had of the two of you at least being on semi-friendly terms had just flown out the window as well, and you suddenly think that this might've been the reason why jaehyun even agreed to come. an explanation. a well-deserved one at that. you don't know why you find it so hard to give him one, but you suspect it's because you're not ready to face all that yourself.

upon hearing your mother faintly call out your name, you realise how long you've been standing in the kitchen, taking a couple more deep breaths before you join the rest of them. it's clear that everyone's winding down, your sister curled up on your dad's lap, trying to blink away her sleepiness, while everyone else mutedly watched the television. "didn't mean to keep you all up past your bedtime", you try to joke lightheartedly because your parents look like they're about to hit the hay themselves, but it's really so that no one suspects you were having a little breakdown in the kitchen; especially jaehyun.

"you're not wrong", your dad agrees gruffly, stretching a little before tapping on your sister's cheek to wake her, much to her displeasure. "it's technically your mama's turn to put you to bed, isn't it?", he attempts, but is quickly shot down by your mother, pinching his arm after claiming it was certainly not her turn. after their grand performance, both of them comically turn to look at you with a suspiciously bright look in their eyes. you don't even have time to argue, because the second the hint of a sigh leaves your mouth, they're saying "thank you" and "how nice of you to offer", urging your sister to wake up to let her know that you'll be tucking her in tonight.

she perks up a little at this, nodding with a little glint in her eyes. hopping off your dad's lap, she sleepily totters over to you. "can jae come too?", her voice is hopeful and small, and she yawns in the middle of her sentence but she just has this certain charm that makes everyone unable to say 'no' to her. this includes jaehyun, because one look from her with her arms raised and he's picking her up, pretending to complain about it. you can't help but smile at the whole interaction.

"oh quick! before i forget...", your mom gasps in remembrance, picking her phone up from the coffee table with a tired smile. "don't know when i'll get to see the two of you again so, pictures!"

this may be the only part you were slightly prepared for. your mother had a special affinity for taking photos; not that she was any good at it, she just enjoyed capturing these little moments and treating her gallery like a scrapbook. she had more or less documented the entirety of you and jaehyun's relationship, from the first few months where all the photos were cheesy smiles and awkward poses, to when you had grown more comfortable around each other. in fact, a photo she had taken of jaehyun was your wallpaper for quite some time (it took a lot of effort and explaining to help your mom airdrop you the picture)– it was a shot of jaehyun and your sister grinning from ear to ear, both adorning aprons that were covered in flour after a failed attempt at baking cookies.

the point being, you're pretty sure jaehyun was also expecting the pictures, so it didn't really surprise you when he plastered a smile on his face and came to stand beside you. his hand finds the small of your back soon enough and it makes your body stiffen while simultaneously sending a jolt through it, and jaehyun feels it. mistaking the action for uneasiness, he immediately lifts his warm hand off you so that it's now hovering awkwardly over your body, though no one can see that from the front. while you are disappointed, you lean into him anyway, clasping your hands together behind your back as you both give the camera wide smiles. you're so close you can smell his cologne and it's making you dizzy, not because the scent is overpowering but because it's just so familiar and you can't get enough of it.

the moment is gone in a flash because your mother takes three to four photos while cooing at the two of you before she decides to call it a night, and then jaehyun is ripping himself from you. you don't think anyone else recognises it, the way he seems to want to be as far from you as possible because he's so good at masking these things, but you can feel it. you can feel this heat radiating off of his body whenever he's near you and it's not the warm, fuzzy kind of heat. the spot on your back where his hand rested still burns a little.

your parents are exhausted and look more than happy to be able to jump straight into bed, but not before thanking you and jaehyun. you hug and kiss them goodnight, promising that your next visit will be sooner than this one before they exchange pleasantries with jaehyun, making him promise the same. you know this has to be hard on him, making a mental note to apologise profusely before you part ways. with a reminder that the door now locks from the inside, they bid you goodnight and goodbye, trudging off to their room while your sister scampers up the stairs to hers, suddenly full of life.

you understand why your parents were more than happy to hand over bedtime duties to you and your "boyfriend", because putting your little sister to bed turned out to be a piece of work. she started off by blatantly refusing to brush her teeth, but jaehyun had that one sorted when he reminded her that the veggie monster had a lot of friends, so that was done. she changed into her pyjamas all on her own which was a relief, but you were at a loss over how to actually get her into bed.

you both humoured her for a bit, understanding that she was just happy to have her big sister and her big sister's nice boyfriend home again, so a little excitement was expected. jaehyun played along with her, which was a sight to see, following along with the characters she assigned him in her imaginary games. but when bouncing on her bed turned into running around the room like a crazed bunny, it was a little harder to convince her that she needed to sleep now. "look at me, i'm wide awake", she insists, widening her eyes with her fingers to show you both just how awake she was. jaehyun tried a couple times to catch her, but you're both taken by surprise at her remarkable speed and agility. in the end, you had to resort to just sitting down and hoping that she'll tire herself out, which eventually does happen.

she climbs into bed of her own accord, rubbing at her eyes while you pull the duvet over her body, up to her shoulders. "when are you coming next?", she mumbles curiously while you sit on the edge of her bed, jaehyun standing close by. "soon", you reply honestly, knowing that you'll always have a safe place to come to whenever you need. "maybe i'll even stay for a whole weekend next time."

she likes the sound of this, smiling tiredly with her hands peeking over the edge of her cover, holding it closer to her. "will you come too?", this question is directed towards jaehyun, who looks defeated when he opens his mouth to answer. it's not fair, expecting him to lie to your family like this, but you know you've gotta come clean soon. you'd made up your mind at this point and come up with a plan; you'd explain yourself to jaehyun and apologise after which you'll go your separate ways, then you'll tell your family the truth after tonight, or at least make up a more recent break up, and that's that.

when jaehyun looks to you for help, you play with your hands a little, not fully knowing what to say. "if the old ladies at the nursing home let him go, maybe...", is what you decide is the safest option to go with, and your sister seems satisfied enough, giggling drowsily. you know she's close to falling asleep, and you're about to inwardly celebrate a job well done when she pops her next, unexpected question. "will you both be together forever?"

oh. there's a hint of teasing behind her voice, but everything else about the question is innocent and genuine, blinking her eyes open so she can look at the both of you when you answer. though you're not touching him, you can feel jaehyun stiffen next to you, his voice sounding more than a little awkward when he lets out an involuntary "uhh".

"what do you mean, cutie?"

you don't know why he asks that, because it's a pretty straightforward question; will the two of you be together forever? you want to laugh at the irony because you know that if she had asked the same question last time jaehyun came home, you both would have exchanged knowing smiles, giggling shyly while you tried to answer. the answer would've been 'yes', and you know deep down that it still should be.

she clicks her tongue like it's the most obvious and easy question in the world, shrugging her shoulders when she speaks. "you know, that's what people do when they're in love,", she answers with no hesitation, and you want to roll your eyes because who kidnapped your little sister and replaced her with dhar mann? "just like mommy and daddy!"

"daddy and mommy are married, sweetie, it's a little different–"

"i know that", she cuts off your little improvised answer in a deadpan voice that almost makes you feel stupid, but all her questions have your heart thudding against your rib cage, and you're praying to god that jaehyun can't hear it too. "but still, they love each other, and that's why they're together forever. don't you love each other?"

you're pretty sure the world stopped spinning and your heart stopped beating simultaneously, most definitely not expecting these kinds of questions from your sister. how do you even prepare an answer for this kind of situation? you know for a fact that your cheeks are coated in a dark sheen of red, and out of the corner of your eye (because you refuse to look at him), you’re pretty sure you can see the distinct pink colour paint the tips of jaehyun's ears, like they always do when he's shy or embarrassed. you can't not give her an answer, because that looks weird and she's clearly waiting for one, but answering meant that you either tell her the truth, that no, you will not be together forever because your dumbass went and ruined everything for the both of you six months ago, or you can lie and say that she's right, which would be admitting a lot of things that you didn't want to admit–

"nothing's for sure, but you're right, if two people really do love each other...", jaehyun's deep voice brings all your spiralling thoughts to a halt, and you look at him for the first time in a bit, only to find that he's already looking at you, gaze raw and piercing. you hold your breath when he speaks, because you don't trust yourself at the moment. "...they'll end up together forever."

you hear your sister make some kind of a reply, but the heartbeat in your ears is so loud that you don't quite catch it, the eye contact you're holding with jaehyun so intense that it feels wrong to look away. what could he have possibly meant by that? or was it just some half-assed answer to get your sister to go to sleep? you realise that staring at him while trying to use your sixth sense to nonverbally convey these questions to him isn't going to work, but you can feel the lump forming in your throat, needing to get out of this situation quickly.

it takes everything in you to break the eye contact in favour of pressing a quick peck to your sister's temple, and she looks about ten seconds away from just crashing. "night y/n, night jae...", and with that she's out like a light, and you two wait wordlessly until her breathing evens out before silently exiting the room.

once her bedroom door is shut, you make a beeline for the front door, way too scared and vulnerable right now to look at jaehyun. he doesn't say anything, so neither do you, making sure the door is actually locked before taking your phone out of your pocket. the time on your phone screen reads '11:43', and you know it's too late to try and catch the metro or a bus, but you're too stubborn and embarrassed to ask jaehyun to drop you.

the air is cold outside, much colder than it was inside your warm house. at the current moment, there is no breeze either, the trees are still and there are only a few lights on around the street, and it just makes everything seem so still and loud. you look out at the road, eyes zeroing in on this one lamp post where you shared one of your first few kisses with the man standing beside you. it's crazy how time can change things, you think, because never would you have believed in the moment that jaehyun called you "the most beautiful girl in the world" before leaning in to sweetly connect your lips that he could ever be something so close to a stranger within months.

ultimately opting to look at him, you're once again unable to read the expression on his face as you try your best to speak your mind to him. "um, i'm gonna book a cab, so you're officially free to go. thanks again for tonight, you really didn't have to come with me, so i owe you one. or i don't have to owe you one, because we're not going to see each other again- anything's good with me, just uh...thanks."

he waits patiently for you to finish, and aside from the slightest hint of amusement in his eyes, you're at a loss over what he's really thinking, but his face is so stupidly handsome that you're feeling angry and a little awkward, choosing to look around, and at the floor, playing with your fingers as you spoke.

"you're so dramatic y/n, i can drop you home, it's no big deal", he's already walking towards the road and biting his lip, and you can't tell whether it's out of habit or if he's trying to hide a smile, yet something tells you that it might be the latter.

"so you just let me say all that even though you were gonna offer to drop me? dude..."

the initial ten minutes of the drive are uncommunicative, both of you choosing to look at the dark road instead of acknowledging the awkward silence that was swallowing the car up whole. you don’t talk about your argument in the kitchen, you don’t make small talk about dinner, you don’t talk. you'd normally play some music in the background and you know that your phone is definitely still connected to his car's bluetooth, but somehow it just doesn't feel right– punishing yourself by sitting in this impenetrable silence should do you better.

the roads are more or less empty, save for the lone car or bike that speeds past you. jaehyun knows the way to your house from your parent's because of the amount of times you've driven back and forth, so you don't feel the need to tell him to turn right or to keep going down a certain road, making for even more silence.

part of you is still a little thankful that it isn't the most short drive, even though you aren't even speaking to each other. all it takes is picturing your empty house, devoid of the homely domestic feeling it used to carry when jaehyun was a frequent visitor. what would you even do when you got home? wallow in self-pity over your life choices? play 'sweet' by cigarettes after sex because it reminds you of him, then put on his hoodie that doesn't even smell like him anymore, just so you can curl up in bed and have a good cry while you reminisce? you're starting to think that maybe attempting to talk to him isn't the worst idea, at least it'll give you something to cry about later.

you're going crazy wracking your brain, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make the atmosphere even more uneasy, but all you got was "hey, thanks again for coming" and "hey, sorry for breaking up with you, what's good though?". you can't even help the wince creeping on your face, finally choosing to go with the former before you have a heart attack and die in jaehyun's front seat.

"thanks again for agreeing to come", you start, absolutely hating the break in your voice from not talking for some time. "you really didn't have to do that. and for dropping me."

he offers you a quick nod in your general direction and fixes his eyes on the road ahead like he was zipping through a crowded highway, though you're sure there isn't a car in sight. "like i said, it's cool", is all you get in return, and you have to remind yourself that he has every right to be short with you.

but still, you try again. "and you don't have to worry about my parents", chewing on your bottom lip, you actually look at him this time, hoping it'll prompt him to do the same, but it doesn't. "i'm gonna tell them the truth."

he releases a short breath from his nose like he finds your statement funny, but continues to not really say anything, just nodding to indicate that he heard you. you subconsciously clench and unclench your jaw at that, because god, he's so fucking annoying, but you swear you don't mean to release the slightly irritated sigh that you do. if you hadn't seen his knuckles turning white from how hard he's gripping the steering wheel, you might not have known that your little sigh pissed him off, because you can't tell it from his face, save from the barely-there eyebrow twitch.

you don't know what it is about car rides with only one other person that make you feel so vulnerable, but you think paired with this kind of silence, you could potentially confess to murder in this setting. it's infuriating, how unresponsive he is, and part of you thinks you're jealous of the control he's exerting, because you're dead sure that if you were in his position, you'd have a fair amount to say. it must be satisfying for him in a way, watching you squirm like this out of guilt and discomfort, but you know in your heart that jaehyun simply isn't like that.

"look, jaehyun", your mouth is working faster than your brain, the silence proving to be too much for you to handle. "i know i fucked things up a bit. with how i ended it and everything..."

perhaps you should've taken a little more time to properly articulate your thoughts, because even jaehyun can't control the astounded scoff that slips out of his mouth. you yourself can't believe that you chose to deliver your words like that and it makes you sound so self-righteous, but they're out, and now you're bracing yourself to finally hear what jaehyun really has to say.

"fucked things up a bit? are you serious?", you can hear it in his voice that he's holding back, but he chooses to laugh in disbelief instead, which you think is actually worse than him straight up screaming at you. "y/n, you didn't even bother telling me in person. you dumped me over the fucking phone, saying it wasn't working."

you now kind of wish that you had just kept quiet and sat in his awkward car, and exchanged awkward niceties when you reach home, never to see him again. but this is your final chance at some form of redemption, and now that jaehyun was actually speaking his mind instead of giving you tight nods, you tried to explain yourself.

"jaehyun, i know, i just–"

"i called you a bunch of times. i tried to come see you and everything, but you went and changed your lock and all your friends were saying you didn't want to see me?"

there goes trying to explain yourself. so you sat and listened instead, and it was the least you could do. jaehyun's voice became more and more strained as he talked, the emotions he was feeling now a lot more evident. he was angry, but more importantly, he was confused, and sad.

"i just- i didn't know what went wrong, you know? we were completely fine as far as i knew", he continues on in a laboured way and he's not looking for you speak right now, so you don't. "fuck i- i thought we were in love."

the little laugh he lets out in between his words more or less breaks your heart, the whole scenario sounding all too familiar. those exact words were the last thing you'd heard from jaehyun before you fully and cruelly broke things off, letting him know the decision was final before cutting the call. you remember that day so clearly. you had meant to go see him and explain all this in person, that’s the whole reason you were in the car, but for some reason, you just couldn’t do it. you remember how much your hands were shaking as you waited for him to pick up the call, sitting in the car by yourself in the middle of your driveway. how long you sat and cried after you ended the call, tears falling until there weren't any left. how it began raining the very second you stepped out of your car to go back inside.

the weather was a funny thing, choosing to mirror your mood only when it saw fit. it was warm and sunny on the day you broke up with him, gentle breeze and wispy clouds all around. it was warm and sunny this morning, the weather ever so pleasant as you plucked up the courage to walk to his door. it was still unusually warm and sunny for the couple months following your break up, feeling sour as ever that the weather was so lovely and all you could do was sit in your room and feel sorry.

you took note of all these occasions because it always used to piss you off. though you shiver now in the car, you think it's kind of satisfying in a way, because the only two times your mood and the weather lined up was right after the break up, and the second you stepped outside your house with jaehyun; it feels like a premonition, or a revelation of sorts. the grey of the stormy sky matched the absolute devastation you felt after breaking up with him, rain pouring from the heavy clouds like they were crying for you. now, the cold, still air feels like baited breath, awaiting your next move.

"and nothing, i hear nothing from you for six fucking months until you're suddenly on my doorstep, asking me to pretend to be your boyfriend for a night. that's fucking insane!", he sounds a little wild now, very exasperated, but you figure it's probably better to just let him get it all out of his system, and you'd do good to listen to him as well. everything he's saying makes complete sense, all the emotions he dealt with akin to what you would've gone through had it been you in his place. "and you know what's more insane? i agreed. after all that, i agreed."

that’s the part you don’t understand. your heart is racing listening to him and you have so many thoughts swimming around in your head, it's difficult to filter them. you feel similar to how you felt back in the kitchen, although this time you can't take a minute by yourself to get over it. you absolutely refuse to cry in this moment, not wanting to seem like you're trying to victimise yourself when you are aware you're the problem. but you can feel your heart breaking all over again.

"why did you agree?", you physically can't raise your voice to louder than a whisper, the tension too thick to try and overpower it.

"why did you dump me?", he counters like a child, and while you were expecting the question, it still makes you freeze up a little. he huffs in annoyance when you don't say anything, inclining his head while he waits expectantly for you to answer. "you wanted to talk? let's talk, y/n. you don't get to just waltz back into my life like it's nothing. it's not fair,"  it's so cold, the way he says your name, but you try your best not to let it further shake you, mustering up the courage to finally speak. "it's so stupid, jaehyun."

he looks like he's about two seconds away from just combusting, the only sound piercing the cold air being the gentle hum of the engine. "don't you think i deserve to know?", he urges, voice edged with hurt and frustration. "i spent the whole day with you and your family, pretending like everything was happy and normal when it's not."

"i know, jaehyun-"

"then, tell me."

you shift uncomfortably in your seat, teeth toying with your bottom lip as you avoid looking at him. "i don't know," you murmur, your voice barely audible to yourself over the pounding of your heart.

"you don't know?", he repeats incredulously, his tone tinged with disbelief. "after everything, you don't know? don't lie to me, y/n."

your throat tightens as guilt washes over you, but you try to stand your ground. "i just... i couldn't do it anymore," you confess, voice trembling with emotion.

"couldn't do what?", he presses, his frustration mounting with each passing moment. you know he doesn't believe you, dead set on getting the answers he deserves. he's driving slowly now, allowing him to turn his head in your direction more often.

"this!", you exclaim but immediately recoil when you see the look of hurt flash in his eyes. "no! not this, i mean- me! it's my fault, you did nothing wrong." you're saying all the wrong things, but you're too overcome with emotion to attempt to form a coherent sentence. still, you know it's time that the truth came out, so you continue to explain with a heavy heart.

"i didn't mean to hurt you," you choke out, and your voice is so thick you have to swallow before you carry on. he looks indignant and rightfully so, but you go on before he can interrupt you again. "but i was so scared, jaehyun."

his expression softens at your state, replaced with a mixture of sadness and resignation. "scared of what?", he asks quietly, his words hanging heavy in the air. you feel the need to pause for a moment, hands balled into tight fists as you try to regulate your breathing. you really didn't take into account how debilitating the night would be on yourself. sure, you knew it was going to be tough seeing jaehyun again, especially if he agreed to pretend to be together, but you weren't really expecting to hash it out like this, the weight of your decision pressing down on your like a leaden blanket.

the car moves so slow it may as well be still but  when you turn to him, you can feel the burn of jaehyun's gaze, his eyes searching for some semblance of understanding. "i loved you", he whispers, voice cracking with the intensity of his words. "i would've done anything for you."

you're still, you're so so still. tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you struggle to find the right words to say, but he's completely thrown you off. the car has slowed to a stop, engine idling before he eventually turns it off in favour of turning to you.

"that's exactly why," you reply weakly, your voice a fraction of the volume it normally is. he surveys you intently, his expression a mix of confusion and hurt, eyes reflecting the very same sadness you feel.

"what do you mean?"

"i was scared of hurting you," your confession does nothing to ease his confusion, but you can see he looks more shocked than anything now. "scared of hurting me?," he echoes, his uncertainty and disbelief palpable. "this is so ironic, it's almost funny..."

you think hearing any more of what he has to say is actually going to kill you internally, so you know you have to rush to explain before he starts giving you a piece of his mind again. "i know, it's so fucking stupid, jaehyun", your voice is trembling from the sheer guilt you feel, bottom lip quivering so much you have to bite it to get it to stop. "everything was going so perfectly, you were so perfect, and it scared me so much."

he falls silent, much to your relief, his expression even softening minutely as he processes your words and this gives you the encouragement to continue. "remember that night on the beach? on the trip last year?", you speak tentatively, wanting him to understand your thought process and the tangled mess of emotions swirling inside you at the time, though it's not much of a defense. the memory floods into your mind so vividly, and you can see it all; the salt in the air, the gentle breeze, the feeling of the sand, your intertwined hands swinging. it was so serene and you'd give anything to be there in that moment again, though it's nothing but a distant dream now.

he nods slowly without speaking, and you release a wet sort of laugh, feeling like you'd choke on the lump in your throat. "we talked about everything that night, our families, our childhoods, our futures...and then you brought up what would happen after we graduated college."

you know he remembers because his eyes light up with recognition and he looks like he's replaying that exact moment in his head, and you hope he remembers it with the same soft, gushy feeling you do. "you said you wanted to move in together, and don't get me wrong, i was thrilled, but it made me realise how...serious everything was, you know?", your voice catches in your throat and you're talking to yourself as much as you're talking to him and he seems to understand that, because he makes no attempt to stop you.

it's silent again for a bit as you two reminisce, but you break it again. "i just knew i was going to fuck up, jaehyun. maybe not right away, but eventually, and the thought terrified me," you sniffle a little, not being able to bring yourself to look up from your hands to meet his gaze. "that feeling never really went away, and it was eating me up from the inside. it got so bad that i had convinced myself that you were going to leave me, so i had to do it first, before i fucked up."

your sorrowful confession hangs in the air like an echo and you finally give in to the urge to look at him, and you're shocked– he looks at you so carefully, his expression soft, much, much softer than before. you couldn't stop the tears from finally falling if you tried , the soft glow of the dashboard illuminating the contours of your now wet face. your shared eye contact makes you feel nervous, but not in the way you were expecting– it's too gentle, too raw and it makes you feel a certain way.

"i know it's not an excuse," you're blubbering so much that your cheeks feel hot, you're practically falling apart in the passenger seat of jaehyun's car while he watches and lets you pour all your miseries out onto him. "you don't know how much i regretted it...but i thought i did the right thing. for the both of us. even though i just ended up doing what i was trying to avoid by hurting you."

it's too much now, jaehyun's too silent, and too not-angry for your liking; why is he looking at you in a way that makes you feel like he doesn't think you're the worst person in the world? you can't hold back the sob that's building in your chest, doubling over in favour of pressing your hands against your face and bawling into them. you're not too loud a cryer, but the tremors of emotion you feel are making your shoulders shake, so you're crying silently into your hands while trembling. however guarded he tries to be, the gentleness of his voice overpowers it as he speaks. "i know, shh...," he murmurs and you can't believe your ears, that the man you thought hated you is actually attempting to comfort you after everything. "breathe, y/n."

like it's second nature to him, his hand travels to your back as the sobs wrack through your body, immediately drawing soothing circles on to your covered skin with his thumb. you don't know how but this almost makes you feel worse, the fact that he's still so caring towards you. you pluck up the strength to lift your face from your moist hands, and you're sure it's not a pretty sight that greets him. your nose feels unbelievably stuffy, and your face is on fire when you meet his sympathetic eyes, the warmth from his gaze and hand spreading throughout you, even though he's now removed it. "i'm sorry," you manage through sniffles, but you think you almost flatline when he reaches his hand towards your face, ever so gently caressing it. his thumb juts out and sweeps across the skin under your eye, wiping away at the wetness. "i know."

"shh, it's okay. you're okay", he coos gently and slowly takes his hand back in favour of imitating slow breaths for you, helping you relax a little as you copy him. "why would you think i'd leave you?", he asks carefully once you've calmed down a bit and wiped your tear-streaked face, simply surveying you now. all you can offer him is a defeated shrug, attempting to collect your thoughts. "remember i told you about my ex? the very first one?"

he nods.

"i moved on obviously, like ages ago, but since then i think i've always had this idea that getting dumped is inevitable", you try to explain, voice small as he listens patiently. "it was either leave them or get left, and i was so scared that it would happen with you, that i'd fuck up so bad that you would leave. i couldn't do it."

he frowns and calls out your name in a way that sounds like he's about to lecture you, but you know he can't tell you anything that you haven't already told yourself. "i know, jae, it was so stupid, i know. i don't regret anything more", you sigh, giving him a tight, small smile when you lock eyes. "i'm sorry."

you notice his eyes soften at the nickname, releasing a quiet huff before he runs a hand through his hair. his body language doesn't carry the same anger it did before when he was ranting, now looking subdued and reflective. "i understand why you did what you did. it was stupid, but i understand", he murmurs, his voice impossibly soft when meeting your gaze, the eye contact so intense that you have to physically remind yourself not to cry again by digging your fingernails into your palms. "i would've never left you."

you nod slowly at his admission, his words hanging in the air. "i should've just talked to you...", you concluded in a sullen way and he doesn't reply in full, just mumbling a soft "yeah" under his breath. you don't mind the silence that fills the car this time, the underlying tension more or less dissipated, but you do notice the time, realising that jaehyun still needs to go back home after dropping you.

"should we, uh...", you gesture towards the road and he jumps up in his seat, as though he forgot that he was driving you somewhere in the first place, muttering "sorry" before twisting the key to start the car. this makes you let out an involuntary giggle and jaehyun shoots you a quick glare which immediately shuts you up, a certain warmth blooming in your chest when you see a small smile creep on to his face out of the corner of your eye.

it's quiet for a bit, jaehyun focusing on the road while you gaze out the window. much to your dismay, both the road and the various buildings and shops start to look a lot more familiar, indicating that you are nearing your home. you shouldn't be dismayed really, because this wasn't the most congenial of car rides, but it means that your time with jaehyun is coming to an end. you don't know what the conversation that took place means for you and him however, because unless you're alarmingly stupid, you feel that he may not hate you as much as he once did. does this mean you might even be able to see him again sometime? in a setting where you're not sweating and shaking at just the thought of seeing him?

you think it might be a bit audacious of you to ask that, so you don't. instead, you turn to him with a light grin, playing with the necklace clasped around your neck. "hey, at least you got some new headphones out of all of this", you joke lightheartedly, eyeing the package sitting on the backseat. he lets out a heartwarming chuckle at your comment, glancing at the bag through his rear view mirror. "i can't believe your parents bought that for me. you think they'll make me return it when they find out we aren't together?", he remarks, and you do your best to ignore the little pang you feel at the reminder of your situation. his comment does make you snort though, and you nod along with him. "nah, you need it more than anyone. your airpods have seen better days."

he laughs again, and you wouldn't believe that you two were arguing back and forth like madmen some twenty minutes back. this feels familiar and comfortable, and you cross your fingers in case you jinx it. "do you remember that time when we planned a picnic..." jaehyun begins, a sense of nostalgia shining through his cheeks. "and you forgot to bring the speakers? and we tried blasting music through my one airpod?"

you can't stop the peals of laughter that escape from your mouth as you nod, covering your mouth when your snort makes him laugh as well. "remind me why we didn't just play the music straight from your phone?", you question, replaying the memory in your mind like it was recent. he pauses to think for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck while he hums. "yeah, what the fuck? why didn't we just do that?"

you're laughing in unison as you take this trip down memory lane together, the next few minutes of the car ride consisting of exclamations of "oh! remember when..." and "that time when...", both of you adding on to the memories with your own perspectives and insights. the fact that the conclusion of your little dispute remains ambiguous doesn't bother you too much at the moment, happy to just enjoy the warm atmosphere while you can.

jaehyun's animatedly recounting a story about your sister downloading a game on his phone when you face him, and the last thing you remember paying attention to was that she had somehow managed to spend a large amount of his actual money on it. your eyes are focused on him now, just studying him, and he seems to realise that you aren't listening to his story when he glances at you.

"what?", he questions, the corner of his eyes crinkling when he narrows them at you in an playful manner, taking one hand off the steering wheel to drum absentmindedly on his thigh. "nothing, i just...", you trail off, scanning his features. "you changed your hair. it's...nice. i wanted to tell you that earlier."

he clearly wasn't expecting the compliment, mouth opening and then closing as he tries to think of an admissible reply. "you like it?", he then asks, a shy smile tugging at his lips when he consciously cards his fingers through the longer bit at the back. at your reaffirming nod and heavy gaze, the expected pink sheen dusts his cheeks and though you can't see them, you know the tips of his ears are pink too. he mumbles something of a timid "thank you", both of you smiling like idiots while he trains his eyes on the road.

not too soon after, his car is pulling into your dark driveway. you can't help the sinking feeling in your chest, lips curved slightly downwards. none of the lights are on, save for the streetlight, illuminating the street in a ghostly, dim way. your house looks just like it had for the past many months, gloomy and lonely, and you're absolutely dreading the idea of moping around once again. if this day spent with jaehyun has showed you anything, it's that you're a 100% sure you've not moved on, and that you won't for a long, long time. simply put, you're still in love with him, and you'll have to carry the cross of your mistake for some time to come.

he switches the ignition off but neither of you move. you're sat in your dull driveway on an otherwise empty street, all the other lights of your neighbouring houses off. neither of you say anything, mostly because you're not sure what one is supposed to say in this situation, so everything is still.

"so–"

"well–"

you let out a nervous chuckle while he smiles a bit, both of you mumbling apologies for interrupting each other. "you go first", jaehyun compels you, but now you don't know what to say because you were just going to make it up as you speak. your mouth has a way of working faster than your brain sometimes, but neither seem to be too functional at the present moment. "no, you go", is all you got, and jaehyun has the nerve to roll his eyes, twisting in his seat a little so he's facing you.

"i was just going to say that we uh, reached your place", he claims in a deadpanned manner, but your car door is still locked and your seatbelt is still locked in. you think you must have lost your mind, hoping that he'd tell you to stay with him forever and never leave (which you would have agreed to in a heartbeat). "i guess we have...", you nod, looking out the window and observing your home. maybe it was the dread of going back to your old routine that gave you the sudden boost of confidence, but you realise he never answered your question from before.

"jaehyun...", you begin but falter when you think you might be overstepping, ultimately deciding to just ask anyway when he looks at you expectantly. "why did you agree to come today? we both know you didn't have to."

he looks like he was dreading the very question you asked for some time, shutting his eyes when he leans his head back against the headrest and sighs. "i don't know", is the answer he gives you, voice muffled through the palms of his hands that are rubbing his face tiredly. biting your lip, you have to hold back a similar sigh because you should've known he's not going to just tell you like that. you have no right to press, but yet you do, one more time. "jaehyun, please?"

maybe it's because you sound so meek, but he drops his hands in favour of looking at you, really looking at you, like he's searching your eyes. "why do you think?", he turns it back on you, but you know this is just his way of avoiding the question. "if i knew, i wouldn't be asking. i know you don't have to tell me, you don't owe me a single thing, i just–", you speak desperately with all of the confidence you can muster, worried that your bottom lip would start trembling again. "please, i need to know."

you're looking each other dead in the eye, and while your voice isn't strong, it's honest and raw, and jaehyun can sense that. you can see that there's a million thoughts running in his mind just by the pained look in his eye and your own heartbeat has picked up, the sound deafening in your ears.

"if you haven't figured it out by now, i don't know what to tell you."

thud. thud. thud. you wonder if he can hear your heartbeat over the sound of his, but the blood pumping through your veins is making your ears ring, because what did he mean by that? you hope it means what you want it to mean, but you can't just assume you know everything because you're delusional at this point. "jaehyun, what are you sayi–"

"i agreed because i'm still in love with you."

there it is. the silence after his confession is positively deafening, your mouth agape as your try to register what you just heard. your eyes flicker between his, searching for any signs that he's just messing you and that it's some cruel joke, though it would be completely in his right to fuck with you if he wanted. he's never looked more vulnerable, eyes trained on you in an almost frantic way, like he himself can't believe what he just said. the way he just blurted it out makes you think that he didn't fully mean to admit that, but it's out, nothing he could do to take it back.

"what?", your own voice sounds like an echo and you wish you had something else to say because you heard him loud and clear, but there's a burning ache in your chest that claws all the way up to your throat. the shock is evident in your voice, not knowing what to do with yourself as you visibly process his words. "tell me you're joking", you plead in a pained way, words barely above a whisper. he doesn't say anything, looking lost in his own thoughts as his eyes scan your face. "you don't hate me?"

"hate you?", he scoffs disconsolately, shaking his head slowly. "i couldn't hate you if i tried. and believe me, i tried."

you can hardly believe your ears. you know your heart shouldn't be pounding the way it is, it feels wrong almost for you to be feeling as relieved as you are. "after everything?", you insist dumbfoundedly, but the longing in your voice is palpable, even if you're trying to give him a way out. "i was so horrible to you, jaehyun." you hate the way your voice cracks, but jaehyun just sighs and offers you a sad smile.

"there's nothing you could do to make me hate you."

it's heartbreaking, how defeated he sounds, but he's also looking at you like you could do no wrong in his eyes. "i never moved on", you whisper, hesitance clear as you tell him the truth. "i couldn't delete any of our pictures, i still have all your clothes, sometimes i accidentally set the table for two when it's just me..."

he's blinking quickly, and if you didn't know any better, you'd say he was trying to hold back tears. your break-up did nothing but cause immense amounts of pain for the both of you, and you'd give anything in the world to make up the time lost. his wide-eyed and nearly motionless expression urges you to continue, ready to pour out your heart to the man you loved.

"i still have your number memorised", your face mirrors his, voice growing stronger by the minute. "all the gifts and letters you've ever given me, they're all still there in that shoebox in my cupboard."

"i thought about you everyday", his whisper is raspy, speaking right after you do. "every party i went to, i looked for you even though i knew you wouldn't be there. you know johnny tried setting me up with people?"

you try to suppress the little sting, but you feel it deep inside you. "he did?", you have to clear your throat, and you almost don't want to ask but you do anyway. he releases a sad little chuckle and nods, toying with his fingers. "yeah. i knew i was doomed when the whole date, i wished she was you."

the smile finds its way on to your face against your will, feeling that familiar lump make its way to your throat. "she could've made you happy, jae", you argue anyway because at the end of the day, you want the best for him, and you know you're far from the best.

"no one could make me feel the way you do, y/n", he replied honestly, and there's a sense of finality to his words, like he'd had this same argument with himself time and time again, only to come to this conclusion. “the thought of anyone else touching you made me sick”, he croaked, not missing the way his eyes ghost over your frame.

his words bring about a noticeable shift in the air, followed by silence. he watches you, and you watch him, breathing slow as your eyes dart across his face.”i don’t want anyone but you”, you confess slowly, and a few beats pass before you find it in you to speak again. "i love you, jaehyun."

silence.

you expected disapproval, maybe even a malicious scoff, but you certainly weren't expecting to feel a soft pair of lips against yours as he suddenly lurches forward.

you're stunned, so stunned that you don't even reciprocate the kiss, lips unmoving against his. it's only when he takes this as a sign of discomfort and breaks the kiss that you find yourself reacting, hands immediately making their way to caress his cheeks, leaning forward to chase his lips and close the distance between you. he lets out a sound of surprise against your lips but kisses you back right away, a hand wrapping around your neck from the back, tangling itself in your hair. the kiss is heated and so long overdue, tangible through the way his lips meld furiously together with yours, teeth clashing every now and then.

your hands make their way to his broad shoulders, one wrapping around them while the other comes to rest on his chest, gripping the material of his hoodie. you have the urge to be impossibly close to him, trying to lean forward to kiss him more fully but you're restricted by your seatbelt. it's almost as if he can read your mind, because the hand placed against your face now moves to press on the buckle to release you without breaking the kiss. "fucking seatbelt...", he mumbles disgruntedly against your lips, fiddling with the button until you hear it click, finally separating yourself from him to slip it over you. "there we go."

you don't stay separated for long because jaehyun uses the hand behind your head to pull you towards him again, capturing your lips in a way that makes all the air leave your lungs. "come here", he grunts, using his long arms to pull you clumsily over the gearshift and straight on to his lap. you settle yourself in to the somewhat awkward position in the enclosed space, but that's the last thing on your mind when all your thoughts consist of jaehyun, jaehyun, jaehyun. his lips are back on yours in a instance, tongue sweeping across your bottom lip messily and you gladly allow it to explore your mouth.

the air is impossibly thick, heavily contrasting to the cold weather outside the car, even his lips and hands feel warm against your hot body. you feel his hands grip your waist easily in this position, lips leaving your own to drag across the expanse of your jaw. you whine quietly at the feeling of his mouth sucking a particular spot on your neck, tilting your head back as you wrap your arms around his neck. "missed this", he muses, tongue peeking out to kitten lick at your neck, breath hot against your sensitive skin. "missed you."

the feeling in your chest when his hands find their way under your shirt and on to your bare skin is inexplicable, unable to stop the soft moan from tumbling from your lips when his big hands glide over your stomach, back and finally your breasts. everything about the way he's touching you and kissing you is greedy and urgent, like he's afraid you'll disappear from his arms if he loosens his grip even by a little bit. you'd be a fool to not match this energy, pressing into him while you squeeze your hands over his. "need you so bad, jae."

you're subconsciously grinding down against him needily, hips stuttering against his lap like you've never been touched before. "fuck", your eyes widen at the groan that leaves his throat, sounding absolutely guttural as he grips the skin of your hip harshly.

he's barely done anything and you're coming undone right in front of his watchful eyes, your panties dampening at the look on his face. "jae..", you whine when his fingers dip past the waistband of your pants, gently cupping your clothed core as you rut against it. "shit, baby", he marvels at the stickiness of your panties, feeling your wetness on his fingers just through the material. "you really missed me, huh?"

you don't even have the time to respond to his cocky remark before his fingers are slipping beneath the band of your panties to circle your clit, spreading the wetness around your folds. a breathy sigh escapes your lips, throwing your head back as he experimentally prods at your entrance and eventually slips a finger inside. "still so tight for me", he all but groans, pumping his finger in and out of you languidly, drinking in the sounds of your pleasure. he feels so blissfully familiar, and though you haven't been touched by him, or anyone for that matter for months, the stretch of his second finger feels the same kind of intimate as it did before, if not more.

you lean forward and press your lips against his once again, kissing him like you might never get the chance to again, all while you're grinding back down on his hand that's fingering you steadily with a thumb circling your clit at the same time. his free hand moves to bunch your top up above your breasts, peppering kisses over the tops of them. he wastes no time in pulling your breasts free from from their cups, attaching his lips to one nipple and swirling his tongue around it in a way that makes you cry out. "my pretty girl", he mumbles almost to himself while cupping your other breast, making a show out of it as his tongue flicks over your hardened bud over and over until your arching your back and pressing it further into his face. “thought about this all the time.”

keeping in mind that you're still technically in a public place, you bite your lip to contain the sounds of your pleasure, though jaehyun doesn't make it easy when he notices this and increases the pace of his fingers. the hand fondling your breast leaves it unattended for a moment to release your bottom lip from your teeth, smoothing his thumb over the swollen skin. "i've waited months to hear these sounds. let me hear you, baby", he all but purrs and that's all it takes for a moan to tumble out of your mouth, pressing your forehead against the side of his face while you screw your eyes shut out of pleasure.

with his attack on your sensitive buds and his fingers pistoning inside of you, you know you aren't going to last long. "already?", jaehyun chides with a small smirk, and it's embarrassing how well he knows your body, grazing his teeth against your nipple in a way that feels painful and heavenly at the same time. you can feel his rock hard bulge against you, and with the untimely grinding of your hips against him, you're sure this is torturous for him. "don't wanna come like this", you whine against his cheek, your entire body feeling sticky from the heat inside the closed vehicle. your puckered lips leave wet kisses all over the expanse of his cheek, and the boyish giggle that leaves his mouth makes your heart flutter. "wanna feel you, jae."

his head is thrown back against the headrest and his eyes are shut tightly, jaw clenched as he slowly slips his fingers out of you. though you whine at the loss of contact and you're almost grinding against the air, you want nothing more than to make him feel good as well. "want you to fill me up", you coo at him, softly linking your hands behind his neck as you test the waters with your words. it's clear they have an effect on him, both hands placed on your hips as he helps you lazily grind against his erection. "don't– have a condom", he grits out, hips bucking up to meet yours. "don't need one", you murmured immediately, knowing he wants this as bad as you do.

his eyes flicker open at that, one hand leaving your hip to brush some stray hairs away from your face, gently tucking some behind your ear. you could melt at the way he's looking at you, so tender and loving, a warmth spreading all over you until you feel like you have to look away. he doesn't let you however, hand quickly coming you to cup your cheek before leaning in place a small peck against your lips. "are you sure?", he sounds breathless, but still firm as his eyes glance between yours like he's reading them.

if he can read them, he'll know that you can't nod fast enough, dragging your hips across his needily to show him. "i'm sure. i want you, jae.", you're so needy that you don't even bother to take your pants or panties off fully, fingers fumbling with the waistband as you shimmy them down a little, leaving your underwear on. you swear your mouth waters when he unbuttons his pants and lets his cock spring out against his stomach, lustful eyes taking in the way he keeps his shirt up with his teeth. if this weren't such an awkward position, you'd have taken him in your mouth in an instant, knowing exactly what to do to hear the man in front of you whimper.

nudging your panties to the side, he focuses on collecting your wetness all over the tip of his dick, hissing at the contact. "please", you whine, not wanting to waste another moment, finally sighing in relief when he begins to press his cock inside you. he swears under his breath at the feeling, and you're feeling so stretched out just from him slipping it in even though you're still so wet that you just go lax in his arms until he bottoms out. "that's it", he grunts like he's holding back. "taking me so well, angel."

you preen at his praise, finally beginning to move your hips a little at his coaxing. sighing against the shell of his ear, he picks up the pace for you, not warning you before thrusting upwards to meet your movements with a groan. you can feel your mind going blank at the sensation, your moans sounding more like cries whenever he snaps his hips into yours, the obscene sounds filling the car. you're just so full, his hands gliding up and down your sides as he fucks deep inside you, making up for all the lost time. "you feel so good, baby", he barely gets his words out, but it gives you the encouragement to bounce up and down on his thick cock a little faster than before, his eyes widening at the feeling. "just like that."

he's kissing and sucking all over your neck again, lips ghosting over whatever skin he can reach and it's all so much, feeling a single tear stream down your face. he almost slows down for a second when he feels the tear drop on to his own face, eyebrows raised in surprise because he thinks he's hurting you, but he's even more shocked when you let out the high-pitched whine. "what's wrong, angel?", he mumbles into your neck, peering up at you carefully. you shake your head profusely, continuing to grind down on his cock. "i just- just love you so much, jae", you blabber incoherently, so wet that you're practically gushing around his dick.

"aw, baby", he shushes you sweetly, pressing his forehead against yours as his thrusts become more and more erratic. "i'm here. not going anywhere." the coil in your stomach is tightening and you can feel every inch of him inside you, more tears threatening to spill from your eyes before he's kissing them away. "i'm here."

he's hitting all the right spots inside you in this position, and he's basically doing all the work because you're like putty in his strong arms, all you can do is moan and cry out against him weakly. "i'm close", you warn him, but you know he already knows that, and you know he is too, slipping your hand down to where his rests on your hip and interlacing your fingers. "me too, pretty", he sputters through his teeth, giving your hand a tight squeeze as you start to come undone. “want you to cum. can you do that for me?”

"oh my god", you're crying out as you cum around his cock, body and mind going numb and ears ringing as the coil finally snaps. "cum inside me, jae, please", his eyes go wide at the way you're begging him, and he doesn't look like he can hold back much longer. "fuck angel, you- you sure–"

"yes, please, need you to fill me up", you cut him off, too sensitive from the way he's helping you ride out your high to move anymore. with a few more sloppy thrusts, his cock is twitching inside you before you lets out a guttural groan, his warm cum filling you up. you go limp against him, face nuzzled into the crook of his neck as the both of you try to regulate your heartbeats.

the sounds of your heavy breathing fills up the car along with jaehyun's soft murmurs of "so perfect" and "did so well for me". any doubts you had in your mind of this being a mistake in jaehyun's eyes are wiped away when he begins petting your head, gently smoothing your messy hair as he presses firm kisses to your head. his cock softens inside of you but he makes no move to pull out, wrapping his arms around your waist while you do the same around his neck, simply sitting in each other's presence silently.

you struggle but finally pick yourself up, gazing at his moonlit face from your place on his lap. “you okay? was that okay?”, he murmurs softly, his voice thick and eyes hazy as he traces little shapes on your back. “more than okay”, you reply tiredly, pressing your lips against his once again because you feel you’re in a dream-like state right now. you're sure he's the most beautiful man you're ever had the privilege of looking at, feeling incredibly vulnerable when you speak again even though he's looking at you with nothing but love in his eyes. "now what?", you question, suddenly feeling like you've jumped the gun when he opens his mouth to say something but stays silent. "never mind, don't answer that, we'll talk about it later", you shake your head, laughing a little breathlessly when he grins at you, pecking his forehead sweetly.

you look away from him and at your lifeless house, mouth working faster than your brain once again. "would you...want to come in?", you wince, feeling kind of stupid for asking but meaning it anyway. you're both comforted and thrilled when a large grin is plastered on to his face, feeling like maybe your home won't be as lifeless anymore.

"i think i'd love to come in."

[zombieunicorngamerzu]

(Lorraine Broughton x fem reader)

[Warnings - GIP, oral, fingering, blowjobs, PNV sex, rough sex, passionate sex, praising, creampies]

“Why are you following me, little spy?” Lorraine husked out with a smirk, sitting at the bar with a drink to her lips as she eyed you from the corner of her eye. You froze. Shit. We’re you really that bad at being subtle? You blushed, making your way over to sit with her, shaking your head, “I-I was simply curious, that’s all.” She just nodded with a hum of response, “Is that why you’ve been following me, curiosity?” She chuckled, “You know what they say about how curiosity-“ You cut her off next, gently snagging her drink from her to take a sip as you watched her eyes darken from your lips to the glass, “Killed the cat? Are you gonna kill me?” You teased her.

She shook her head with a small smile, “No, no, little spy, I’m not going to kill you.” She spoke out as she leaned forward, caressing your jawline with her finger, “I’d be such a waste of such a pretty face.” She purred out, it made you shiver. The way she was looking at you, eyes darkened as they switched from your lips to your eyes, observing you, you couldn’t help but lean in and kiss her, which she took gladly, her lips soft and delicate to yours but a dominance behind them she showed into her passion before she stood up, placing her hands on your hips as she spoke, “Let’s go, your coming with me, little spy.” She smiled as she pulled you up, her voice softer in your ear, teasing, “Look who’s got who now…”

You just shuttered and walked when she pushed you gently forward. She led you out of the bar and into a taxi, her hand rubbing your thigh the whole way, inching up just enough to tease you at certain intervals. It was torture, and she was living for it. Teasing you until you reached her hotel room, shoving you in as she slammed the door before shoving you up against it in a searing kiss. You didn’t have the chance to even catch your bearings as she shoved her knee between your thighs, a arm across your chest to pin you as she attacked your neck with kisses and marks. All you could do was go along with her movements unless you wanted to fight her for it, moaning as she threw you onto the bed, immediately straddling you to rip off your clothes, ripping your fishnets and throwing the rest to the floor.

“Fuck, your gorgeous.” She husked out as she ran her hands over your breasts, squeezing before sliding her hands down to your thighs, pulling them so your core was flush with her bulge in her tight leather pants straining to keep her inside. She wiggled her hips against yours, “Feel that, little spy, is that what you expected from me?” You shook your head quickly with a whimper, trying to reach up to touch her but she pinned your hands down, her face ghosting over yours, “Be a good girl for me.” You whined but nodded as she worked her pants undone with her free hand, she didn’t even take much time before she was pushing inside you, making you both moan as she thrusted deep.

Your moans echoed out through the room and apparently Lorraine could multitask well because you noticed she was now fully naked, hands on your hips as she held you tight, thrusting her hips into yours with vigor, her moans husky and deep as she panted and groaned from how tight you felt around her cock, “Good fucking girl… God, Ugh… you must have been made for my cock, huh?” She mocked you as she rammed her hips into yours, making you cry out and arch up as she started to grind against you, her lips meeting yours as her hands danced over your skin, it was all so much, “Fuck… Ah fuck, gonna cum, do you need me to pull out?” She grunted out as she held you still, her hips twitching to buck harder inside you so she could cum. You looked up at her with a soft moan at the idea, pulling her down for a passionate kiss that made her cock throb as you nodded,

“Cum in me.” That alone made Lorraine whine against your lips with a growl before she was pounding into you with a new passion, all you could do was let out cries and whines from the way you felt her cock stretching and filling you with each thrust, hitting your sweet spot each time before Lorriane was moaning out lowly, bucking her hips roughly into yours before you felt her twitch inside you, her cum spilling inside you as she trembled above you, moaning, her eyes closing for a moment as she rested her hand on your neck in a show of dominance, catching her breath before she spoke, “I’m gonna have to keep you close little spy, can’t have you running off.”

[moons-of-dewclan]

Uhh I’m sure you’ve been asked this before but!!! Do you have any advice for making a clangen comic? I’m kinda doing a disaster clan but in intervals of 5 moons, and I can’t fit in the specific prompts on one image (and I’m too lazy to draw like 5 pages) so uhmmm do u have any advice? :3

The reason I go in intervals of five is because I’m a curious guy and I draw and play clangen on separate devices so uhhh oh god am I oversharing I’ll shut up now

MY TIPS WON'T BE GREAT bc my whole art experience is 'do what i want when i want how i want and if it's not fun i don't do it' SO IT'S NOT A TECHNICAL THING BUT LKASNDLKASD I CAN TRY!! what's been good for me in clangen is, • always mark down your seasons! bc it sucks to forget what season the event took place in when you go to draw it • don't shove every tiny prompt and event into a moon if you don't want to (it's a lot of work..) • it's ok to have a clan of 40 cats and only follow 1 or 2 main characters. if the pressure if the amount of cats you end up with is too much, IGNORE EM. + silhouettes are ok if you wanna imply a full camp. use stamps even • IF an event happens that you think is going to have a damper on your enjoyment for the comic (like if your favourite cat dies), RELOAD AND PRETEND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. authenticity is not Real in media you make for fun. unless it's fun for you for favourite main character BillyBreeze to kick the bucket to a random event, you don't have to save and go with it. if it makes you go 'euuhh..' and not 'NOOO!! (smiles in hidden)', 'ok' or 'OHOHO ;)) OMG COOL', screw it. never put anything above your muse and inspiration. • which brings me to, save after every event you like happening! so patrol events, or something. in case randomly something rly weird happens that doesn't make sense with the story or what your cat would do, you can just restart • if you develop your cat, and they do something wildly out of the personality you developed/hc for them, you can ignore it in favour of character consistency (I WILL NOT LIE, i wanted to 100% never change or refuse anything in the game, but i changed lyre's personality after the prompt came up saying that he MAULED VANILLABRIGHT FOR DOUBTING HIS LEADERSHIP. ARE U INSANE HE WOULD NEVER. plus character development is allowed, even if ingame events don't represent it well. so do what you gotta do. game files are easy to change!) • FOLLOW THAT LAZINESS. and follow fun. do what will keep you having the most fun through the entire thing. if you wanna end at 30 moons, do it. if you wanna stop and restart and do a different idea, do it. your own enjoyment matters most. so the second you go 'ugh i don't wanna'- DON'T. whatever it is, don't. nobody is paying you for this, do what you want. (unless they are paying you for it.. then damn, lucky)

[screams-in-writing]

FYI, this was inspired by all the Mr. Puzzles fanart where he has a tail, but this was written because I kept thinking that tail should be bitten at least once, if not more.

Hence this one shot that went a little off the rails as I wrote it.

Summary:

You want to bite that tail every time you see it. Mr. Puzzles decides to let you sate your curiosity.

Note 1:

Fyi, Suggestive content; implied things happen after this gremlin reader/mc bites the tail a bit too much and riles Mr. Puzzles up.

Note 2:

This’ll also go on ao3 too, but that one will be edited out more than this one is. (As such, beware of any typos here, as I hammered this out all on my phone and edited it here too). But I needed to get it out of my mind so I can work on other wips.

I would consider this crossing over from a T rating to an M on ao3, and kind of like that here, but maybe not quite. Ugh (tumblr messes with what is too far or not when being suggestive content)

-

You were excited to finally be sate your curiosity over Mr. Puzzles tail: a thin whip of a cord that ended with a cute two prong plug tail tip.

“Why are you looking at me like that, my dear?”

This was too good an opportunity to pass up.

“What are you thinking?”

“How did you get stuck in the window like that?” You asked, instead of answering the tv headed man’s questions. You eyed the way the window was closed down near Puzzles’ neck, the space on either side open. But not enough to allow him to shove his hands beneath to lever the window up enough to allow his boxy tv head back inside the house.

“My hands might have been taped to the wall, in a timeout sort of manner, to keep me from interrupting Smg4 recording his new episode.” Mr. Puzzles eventually grumbled sourly. His expression flickered to interest when you approached him and leaned over to plant a kiss directly to his screen. A flustered static followed when you reached up to toy with both his antenna, pinching and squeezing them at different intervals.

“Oh.” Puzzles uttered as he pressed his head into your touch. “Not that…that I mind this, but would you…free my hands first?” The tv headed man’s voice muffled itself as you pressed a few more kisses to his screen. His screen lost any expression at all when you promptly bit each antenna, causing the screen to dance with horizontal static before Puzzles was able to bring his face back. A blissful expression, as he moaned something softly before pleading nonsense when you suddenly went to petting the edge of his screen instead of his antenna.

“You know what I want right now?” You whispered close to the side of Mr. Puzzles’ head.

“Hm?”

“Your tail.”

“My-ah.” Puzzles’ whole frame jerked, from the way his head attempted to shove backward through the window, only to be stopped and held in place by the mainly closed window. Mr. Puzzles tilted his head a little, a shy expression on his screen, matching his tone. “You really do stare at my tail a lot. Do you…want to hold and pet it?”

“I would like to do that.” You agreed, sliding your hands to the underside of Mr. Puzzles’ tv head, gently scritching your fingertips on the metal, drawing a delightful shiver and bringing up a happy face on the man’s screen. “But do you know what I’d also like to do?”

“That would be-wait.” Mr. Puzzles’ dawning realization was cute, since you didn’t even say anything yet. The little scowl was funny when paired with the heartbeat lines and blush. “You want to bite it, don’t you?”

“Yes.” You don’t see any reason to lie; you wanted your boyfriend to be on board with the idea, and if he really wasn’t, you’d not press for it again.

“I don’t see what’s so interesting about biting someone’s tail like a gremlin.” Mr. Puzzles huffed out. “I really don’t see the appeal.”

It wasn’t exactly a no, but not quite a yes either.

You test the thought by letting go of Mr. Puzzles’ tv head and casually walking into the house, and entering the room the man had himself caught in the windowsill of.

“What are you doing?” Mr. Puzzles voice was muffled a tad, his hands and part of his forearms (duct taped to the wall) flexing in their temporary bonds. The man was kneeling in front of the window, though his shoulders were hunched lower, and the man’s thin cord tail could be seen loosely curled around one leg, the plug tail tip twitching back and forth.

“I wanted to hold and pet your tail.” You reach over to pat Mr. Puzzles between the shoulder blades. “If that’s all you can handle, then that’s all I’d like to do with you right now, before I help you get out of your window predicament.” You watched as the cord tail slowly unwound to hang down to the floor, where it slowly swished back and forth. You watched the motions raptly, fingers itching to seize the tail, but waited to hear what Mr. Puzzles had to say about your words.

“I-“ The tv headed man paused, quiet, before he spoke in a rather breathy way. “I would like you to start out with just petting my tail gently. I can see how that feels, and let you know if I can handle more.”

“I can do that.” You agreed, your main goal of being able to just touch the tail achieved. “I’ll be careful and not yank it. Unless you want me to.”

It was always interesting to hear Mr. Puzzles make a choked noise, considering his neck was mainly wires and bone-no throat to actually choke on anything.

When there were no other words, you stepped forward, loud enough to allow Mr. Puzzles to hear where you were. But instead of seizing the tail, you worked your fingers into Puzzles hunched shoulders until they relaxed a bit. Satisfied, you trailed your hands down his spine, then Puzzles’ sides, where you gave his ridiculously thin waist a playful squeeze.

Mr. Puzzles pressed backwards into the touch with a low growl over the way you were teasing him instead of petting his tail.

Feeling bold, you slapped his ass, drawing out a scandalized noise followed by a low growl with static.

“Be careful of the game you play, my dear, lest I find a way to turn it in my favor.”

You couldn’t help shiver in response to the promise of Mr. Puzzles freeing himself. To sweep you off your feet to lavish you with static kisses and touches to within the inch of your life, should you push a bit too far in your ‘game’ of teasing.

The tail lightly thwacked into your right shin before curling around the ankle with a light squeeze.

You grasped the tail near where it poked out of Mr. Puzzles’ trousers, then sat down close enough to the man so he didn’t have to let go of your ankle quite yet.

It was a thin, long and flexible tail.

Oddly enough, it was warm; its texture reminding you of a vacuum’s cord.

Sliding the gray-black tail through your fingers, you made your way down to your right ankle where the tail tip was twitching. You curiously ran a finger over the two-metal prong at the end while holding the middle of the tail.

Mr. Puzzles sucked in an unnecessary breath.

“Too much?” You asked, moving your finger to the tail tip just above the prongs.

“It’s fine.” Mr. Puzzles uttered, voice layered in static.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” A slow breath. “Keep going.”

You spent some time running your fingers along the tail, Mr. Puzzles’ body sagging into the wall and window the longer your touch continued. When he seemed relaxed enough, you wound your fingers around the tail and slid your other hand firmly down to the part looped around your ankle.

Mr. Puzzles’ let out a static moan this time, the end of the pronged tail-tip slowly wagging back and forth.

With a curious hum, you let your hand slide down the twined cord around your ankle harder, and then tweaked the prong plug.

Your tv headed boyfriend’s frame sagged even further than before but also attempted to hide the way he was attempting to grind himself against the wall. You reach up to slap that fine ass again, causing Mr. Puzzles to pause mid-hump with a distracted groan before he resumed his absent pressing into the wall.

“Hey Puzzles.” You carefully lean over to unwind the end of the man’s tail from around your ankle. Then, you dug your fingers into the last few inches of the tail to drag along to the tail-tip.

“Yes?” Strained, shaky voice.

“Need some help?” You asked, curling your fingers around the cord tail’s end, absently thumbing the metal of the tail-tip prongs.

“No.” Mr. Puzzles’ voice dropped to that low almost-growl, his arms flexing against the duct tape over his wrists and part of his forearms with more vigor. Then, a hint of excitement rose up, hidden behind a sigh of theatrical disinterest. “I thought you were going to do something…more than pet my tail?”

“I don’t recall now.” You sighed in return, giving the tail you’d further curled around your fingers a slight tug.

Puzzles muttered something.

“What was that?”

“Must I say it?” Mr. Puzzle’s dramatically sighed again.

“If you actually want me to, yes.” You said, toying with the tail-tip as you gave a firm rub to its end and metal prong. “Otherwise, I think I’m content petting and rubbing your tail like this with you squirming around while trying to hump a hole in the wall.”

“Bite my tail already!” Mr. Puzzles burst out, along with an exasperated sound as his fingertips dug into the wall. “Must you tease me so?”

“You didn’t sound so married to the idea before.” You felt obligated to point out as you slowly unwound Mr. Puzzles wiggling tail from your fingers.

A very low, static-squeak-sounded, along with tiny, bare whisper that almost sounded like ‘I’d marry you in a heartbeat, my dear’ covered up by Mr. Puzzles scoffing at you.

“You’ve been so curious that I felt I may as indulge you, so you can see that it isn’t all that interesting to-“ Puzzles cut himself off with a very strangled gasp when you hefted the slender tail and bit down experimentally on the cord texture of it.

“Puzzles?” You quickly let go and reach over to rest a hand on Mr. Puzzles’ nearest leg, as he’d begun to tremble. “Are you okay?” You felt a blush heat your face up at the filthy moan that dragged itself out of the tv headed man as his arm’s struggle against the duct tape increased.

“Do it again.” Mr. Puzzles pressed his palms flat to the wall, his tail curving to prod you in the shoulder. “Please.”

You think the man cracked some of the glass with a frequency you couldn’t hear when while you bit a line down the tail, then lingered to bite with your molars against the (luckily) sturdy cord. There was a faint static, but it was nothing compared to Mr. Puzzles’ static zaps when he kissed you.

When Mr. Puzzles began to scrabble his hands at the wall and succeeded in freeing his wrists and forearms, he didn’t reach back for you. The man lifted the window up enough to shove his arms through, and detached his head, from the sound of it.

Uh-oh.

Biting his tail apparently made Puzzles’ horniness quickly rise.

You proceeded to lightly bite Mr. Puzzles’ tail from where it poked out of his trousers and all the way down to the tail tip, but not the metal prongs. While you made your way down the thin tail, Mr. Puzzles body jerked in response to the different pressure from your bites and gnawing, and the way you squeezed and gripped the tail you’d already nipped.

Puzzles’ arms suddenly lifted back up as the man shuffled himself backward as he eased his shoulders away from the windowsill, and then his wired neck.

The head was missing as Mr. Puzzles’ body snapped around in an alarming motion as he lunged for you with aid from the end of his tail swiftly looping around your wrist.

One large hand pressed down on your shoulder as you were forced backward, the other large hand cupping the back of your head so you didn’t smack it against the floor. You felt the hand on your head trail through your hair while the other moved from your shoulder to beneath your upper back.

You were confused why Mr. Puzzles was lifting you up, to hold you in a firm hug to his chest while he carded his fingers through your hair a moment

A low, devious chuckle sounded from outside the window.

With a gasp, you were spun about and taken over to the window. You were none too subtly indicated to sit down while Mr. Puzzles’ body went over to the window. He was apparently impatient, and instead of just closing the window, Mr. Puzzles tore the flimsy window out (as well as the frame) and just tossed it aside, leaving behind a large hole in the wall.

That was kinda hot, if inconvenient.

You laughed anyway out of surprise, figuring out where this was going, when you were gently brought to your feet again, only to be shoved forward to rest your arms on the now-open space where the window used to be. Looking down, you see Mr. Puzzles’ tv head wearing an eager expression, one that allowed his digital eyes to appear as though they were gazing right into yours. The technicolor smilie flickered into a smug one.

“I believe you’ve had your fun with your little game of biting my tail.” Mr. Puzzles expression went to a slightly unhinged, if eager one, as his body dropped to kneel behind where you’d hunkered down, legs on either side of yours, boxing you further in.

Thankfully the wall the window frame had sat on, was low enough that it wasn’t hell on your arms to rest on it, careful of the splinters from the now-missing window.

“Let’s play one of my own, since you love your teasing so much.” Mr. Puzzles hands trailed down along your sides in the aforementioned teasing, his touch light and taunting until he was able to get you riled up as well.

Then, suddenly, Mr. Puzzles knee walked his body even closer to trap you snugly against the wall and the hole in the wall above. Puzzles rested his arms on either side of yours, and wrapped his hands around your wrists to absently pet along your fingers and wrist.

Wriggling uselessly in place didn’t do much, nor did the half-assed begging. It merely got Mr. Puzzles’ headless body nuzzling the side of your neck with his, while the man’s tv head reflected smugness at teasing you so.

You’d not told him to stop, because you were waiting to see if you’d get a chance to turn the tables, however briefly.

“Are you growing bored of the game, my dear?” Mr. Puzzles asked, mistaking your expression with one of boredom instead of calculation. “Would you like to end the teasing and move on to something more…fun?”

You kept your eyes on Puzzles face as you gave a nod, nuzzling into the man’s neck in return.

“I do so enjoy these little games, don’t get me wrong. But I very much would like to just hold you in my arms.” Mr. Puzzles’ screen briefly switched to a soft expression, before instantly snapping to playful, intent look. His tail just so happened to curve beneath your chin. “Perhaps after we wear one another first?”

You couldn’t resist; the moment that tail slid from chin to cheek to caress your skin, with Mr. Puzzles firmly holding your wrists, you had to. If he thought your hands were the problem, the man had forgotten you could lunge perfectly fine in this position. You don’t give Puzzles time to react as you suddenly lean your head forward and open your mouth to neatly bite down. You felt the convulsion of Mr. Puzzles’ body ad you lightly grind your teeth agaisnt the tail.

No matter how hard he tried, Mr. Puzzles couldn’t hide that having that kind of pressure on his tail was something especially sensitive.

“Oh, you’re not done playing?” Mr. Puzzles screen had breifly fizzed out before returning with a grin and a challenging look in those digital eyes. “You don’t think I can win when all you have is a little mouthful of my tail?”

Right before Mr puzzles could let go of your wrists to rub those large hands all over you again, you quickly shifted and, like it was spaghetti, managed to suck in the small bit of the tail poking out nearest your mouth.

The tail tip.

It gave you a nice little zap, but nothing that would hurt you.

Mr. Puzzles’ face briefly dissolved into bands of static, only for the screen to snap a closed eyed, pleasured one as he let out a soft, needy moan.

You curiously ran your tongue along the prongs, and then attempted to suck on the cord and tail-tip like it was a popsicle.

Mr. Puzzles made a sputter then a keening sound that had him plaster his body into yours as he convinced and shuddered in pleasure.

You snerked around the limp tail in your mouth in disbelief before opening it. The tail end dropped limply over one of Mr. Puzzles arms, only to slowly slide off to make a soft thump on the floor as Puzzles himself sagged heavily into you. A quick glance to Mr. Puzzles’ tv head showed his logo and a ‘please stand by’.

Okay then.

Tail biting and sucking on it like it was another body part equaled very sensitive (had that been an orgasm?)

Neat.

You squirmed out from under Mr. Puzzles’ sated body and hopped out the now-hole in the side of the house to kneel near your boyfriend’s tv head.

The screen flickered to test card patterns.

Wow.

You must’ve gotten him real good. You’d have to do that again sometime, if he liked it that much.

Mr. Puzzles’ face returned with a relaxed smile and calm eyes, before he noted where you were, smirking down at him in triumph. Immediately Puzzles showed off that unhinged smile with matching digital eyes, silently promising to return the favor, only for you to distract him. By planting rapid kisses on his screen with soft crackling static agaisnt your lips.

Mr. Puzzles’ expression went from mock anger to heart eyes with a blush and a heartbeat with an incredibly happy smile.

“You owe me a new window.” You said, matter of fact as you patted the side of Mr. Puzzles head. Your hand lingered, before you drew it away. In a good mood, you skipped off, as if pretending to leave Mr. Puzzles behind to sort himself out.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

You broke into a run from the sight (peeking over your shoulder) of Mr. Puzzles’ headless body crawling out of the hole in the house, feeling around for his tv head and then sticking head back when it belonged. When he broke into a long-legged run that was going to allow him to catch up quickly, you found yourself paying attention to where you were running instead of the man chasing you down.

“I do believe we have unfinished business, my dear!” Mr. Puzzles called out, sounding eager to catch up and get his hands on you.

“But it looks like you already finished your business.” You dare to call over your shoulder as you rush into your backyard, thinking to loop around and go through to the front door.

Mr. Puzzles caught up, however, dashing your half-assed plan. He easily tossed you over one of his shoulders, and with a low, eager chuckle (so as to not drag any attention from neighbors) opened up the storm hatch door that led into the house’s cellar basement. After stepping down the stairs, with you playfully trying to fight him to get off his shoulder, Mr. Puzzles reached up. He pointedly, and slowly, closed the hatch door while letting out some ‘evil’ laughter.

You were quite happy to be able to have another go at Mr. Puzzles tail, once you reached the basement bedroom. It wasn’t long before he ended up wearing the both of you with such careful attention to your body in particular, his tail sliding along your skin tauntingly.

The bedroom was quiet, apart from your breathing and Mr. Puzzles’ almost purr from the speakers in his tv head, while he sleepily held you close to him beneath the covers to cuddle.

-

tbh this was the gif I was thinking of when Mr. Puzzles closes the cellar/storm hatch door or whatever at the end of this

[ikkosu]

HEATED

(prowl.gn.cybertonian.reader)

While rooked into a case he needs to solve, and aside from getting a new partner for, well, reasons — the enforcer is faced with a certain 'predicament' he needs tending.

reader is taller than prowl btw. like, a little bit taller. Or like super tall. I just like the height difference ok. ever since I saw this fanart I just went AWOOGA he's so ndjdjdn his waist damn. I need him submissive. posted this at one am too :D warnings : mild robot gore, and mentions of valve spike. all that stuff.

CHAPTER ONE

UP at the south, Kaon's underground road network hasn't been fairing well these last few solar cyles. The tunnel, swarthed in ink, stretched across from both sides of the labyrinth with each end unseen, fading off into the deep chasm. The only light source now was Swindle's flashlight that lit a soft halo on the ceiling.

The tunnel was extremely obscure under radar. After several Deceptions attempted another revolutionary feat it was then banned of entry. You can barely trace any energon trails entering and leaving the tunnel. Small wonder it was chosen as a hideout — disregarding, of course, the daily patrols now that occured at fixed intervals.

Grimacing, he shifted on his pedes to avoid the murky puddle on his right. The shroud of sulfuric egg, rotten scum and the churn of garbage danced by, and Swindle wouldn't have chosen this place at all if it weren't for the pleasureable sum he's about to be gifted with.

This better be a good deal.

And, on cue, the silhouette of a mech emerged from the shadows, quelling any sense of irritation he had for the late timing. Chastise would be normally an appropriate response. But he figured there'd be no point about huffing now when he's sure this mech's not a force to be reckoned with — and is frame shouldn't be : optics a darkly blue, gold platings a pulsing radiance under the beam of light.

He's a physical embodiment of a shanix-jacked aristocrat. The ones those 'cons' would surely give a good beating to. Him, on the other hand? They're good customers. The best, if any.

"Traffic, eh Senator?" Swindle approaches, servos itching for a good deal. He's already skimming through the many treats he's got under his sleeve.

"Hardly." He grunts with a dismissive wave. "Just some mindless cogs trying to interfere with my work. I ought to establish some policy to prevent them from being this, ugh, trying."

"Believe me, those coppas are as persistent as sparkeaters leechin' off a snuffed mech." He mused.

The mech laughs, a deep rich rumble pricely enough to conjure gold bars. "It's a mystery to know when they'll emerge unannounced."

" Now, onto business. What do we have, here?"

Between them, a barrier, is a table. Producing a rectangular black box from his subspace, the mech sets it down on the surface. Inside, a clink of something can be heard like wind chimes fluttering against the breeze.

"All the crystals from the best of all cities and planets." He said. " Iacon, Vos, Teran, Xaraen — Camien delight, your favorite, is also a plus."

"Ohohoho!" Swindle unlatches the cover and beams at the myriad of vibrant gems. "You can't be giving me these beauties all for nothing, eh? What do I owe you the pleasure of?"

"Oh, nothing grand. I'd just like the usual."

Swindle, for a moment, visibly sags. " Sorry to disappoint but with all the bots cracking down on all of my sources. I don't got too many interesting Intel these days from hiding."

"Oh, no, no,no, no." He waved a servo to stop him." Not the surveillance. I don't need that. I've got enought. What I need, however. Or, rather — my boys on the air has been lacking in some...condiments for their next heist. See to it that they're sufficiently provided."

Now, that's a target he could aim.

"We-ell, why don't'cha just say so?" Swindle grins, interest piqued. "Y'got a benefactor to spare?"

"Quite. He's not very compliant at the moment and I'd rather he is. Could you, perhaps, 'alleviate' that stubbornness of that dear mech?"

Swindle chuckles and does a half-bow, servo on his chassis."Well, my good sir. Anythin' for the customer is a good go. It's in my policy to do so much more than just alleviate his stubbornness." He pinched his foredigit and thumb. Then, rubs it." For a small extra charge, of course."

He throws in several more shanix onto the table.

"I take it you'll be swift?"

"Quick as a turbofox in heat, I assure you."

Ivory white flashes as he grins. "Happy hunting."

THE sun peered between the dark blue clouds of the smothered the sky. Iacon and it's stretching towers loomed above like jagged mountaintops, abstract and austere in all it's glory.

Prowl grips the railings tight. He leant over and rested his helm against the cool metal. Much too cool against the feverish temperature of his helm. Slow and steady he vents, attempting to cool down his heating frame.

The chronometer beeped five thirty. He's outside. Outside in the barely risen morning, disturbed from a barely slept slumber and dragged out to barely risen city straight into a murder scene.

The scenery fleets by in a thin film of blue. Enforcers litter the region, half a mile at most, rousing nearby apartments and living spaces for questioning. Gradually, front porches open. Dawdling mechs and their slow blinking optics, half sleep-induced, are jostled awake at the sight of the officers.

A passing mech was jogging around the vicinity when he supposedly stumbled over a concrete slab. A quick double take proved it wasn't a slab but a dead mech sprawled out on the road, a mini crater indicating the weight of his fall.

And, looking up to the nearby building, where he supposedly fell, a smashed glass on the perfect teeth of windows indicated clear where the incident occured. Obviously, the mech is long gone : grey and parched of color; helm tilted to one side, optics black.

Prowl let's out another breath. It seethed through clenched dentas, hissing out as steam. His servos shook. Footsteps patter behind and Prowl grips it taut to reign it in.

"Sir? Are you—"

"I'm fine." He cuts off the mech. " Who is it?"

The junior officer blinks in surprise, a waver in his voice. "Uh— they, uh. It's someone. They...They claim to be your partner, sir." He trails off, unsure and also surprised at the prospect.

Partner? Prowl skims languidly across the ample litter of mechs bustling about. Only until his optics land on a familiar one, he nods stiffly. "They're with me. You can leave, now."

"Understood."

And not long after did his 'partner' emerged, lifting up the yellow tape, chatting with the passing enforcers amiably before sauntering towards where he stood.

"Not so bustling as I expected to be." You said. " Is it usually this quiet? Or, you could say — dead silent?"

The smaller Praxian had to take several steps back to regard you fully, an unimpressed look on his face. As usual, a loose smile eased at the gesture but you turned away to hide it.

"Enforcer." You bowed and held out a servo.

Instead, he eyes you with a cold reverie, nose raised high and haughty. "Doctor."

"Spoilsport."

And that's what it only took to carve out the familiar, seething scowl. "It's Commander, doctor."

"Actually, it's medic." You mused, optics fleeting over his frame."New paint job?"

"Excuse me?"

Even when he's scowling, the confused puppy look and the flicker of a doorwing alleviated the intimidating factor.

"You look different." You said.

"I don't."

"You kind of do."

"Just—" He rubs his face. "Just what on Cybertron are you trying to insinuate?"

" Come on, now." You nudge him. "Can't a mech compliment a good polished frame?"

Prowl makes an exasperated sound when you gesture to his body. You can't help it when really is shinier than usual. The Ivory veneer plating is practically glowing under the soft rays of the sun. Prowl, however, rubs his face.

"I take it you're aware of your current position?" He eventually says after a moment.

You rubbed your helm thoughtfully, reminiscing the words of Ironhide this morning. All you remember from the debrief was: 'He's a stick down on tha mud'. And also, a stick up his aft? A stick in or stick out? You're not sure.

"Quite." You snort. "Takes a while to get used to it. Especially when Prime didn't inform the reason why. "

"You don't need to know the details behind the transfer."

"Oh, trust me." You said. " I dont think want to, Praxian."

He regards you for a moment before shaking his head, whirling around to inspect the nearby scathes and scratches. Meanwhile, you knelt next to the body and grimaced, sliding on protective gloves. From the corner of your optics, Prowl does as well and he does it with prim and precise movements. It's been a long time since you're out on the fields.

"Why do I have to do this, again?"

Prowl tilts his helm, observing the body at a different angle, the last digit slides inside the sleeve with a plap. "You're experienced with helmichular fracture. Or, working with Cybertronian helms, for that matter."

You scanned the dried energon smeared under the poor mech's helm. Primus, how in Unicron's two aft did he get here? You swivel up. Oh, right. Falling.

"I work with the inner parts. Nothing the same like Chromedome does. That's heinous work. Mine's more on the anatomy, actually."Plating fracture, check. Spinal strut loose and fragile — check. Stiff joints, check. " Couldn't you have figured this out on your own?"

You prod the neck cables, feeling it flaccid. Prowl was silent for a moment. If he was irritated, you could tell by the scowl deepening from the reflection of the puddle beside you.

" I could," he says eventually. "But I don't need your input. I simply.... require a presence to rectify my hypothesis."

Oh? "That's a statement I never thought I'd hear you say." You mutter.

Prowl knelt beside you. He angles himself in a way you would have to look over his shoulder to see the body. The soft scent of datapad and office paperwork wafts by.

"This mech, here, is Strongholt." He said. "He's a member of the High Council. Tasked with handling ammunitions. Obviously, on close inspection it appears as though this body is conformed to the fall."

With the way he worded it, you're sure he doesn't think that way.

"The spinal struts is smashed." You said, optics quick and scaning. "....and everything else is broken. It could be ruled out as suicide but with you here I don't think that's the case."

He lets out a sound you're not sure if it's a conceding one or something else entirely. But he juts out a digit and you look at where he points. Disregarding the scratched plating, some regions of the surface were unusually glossy and some were worn.

"He hasn't gotten his plating polished." Prowl says.

"A bit late for that now, don't you think so?"

"He rushed all the way here in the dead of the night. Why else would he do that?" Prowl rests a servo on his face, mumbling into it thoughtfully. " Senator Stronghold is have said to taken care of his plating with precise delicacy. But this time—" Slowly, he traces a digit along the platings. " —Observe the fringes. It seems indelicate along the seams. His arm is polished but the rest isn't."

"Oookay." You try to grasp the pieces together. Trying to fit in the missing cogs from the machine. "So, he didn't jump. Is that what you're saying?"

"Not suicide."

" Then, what could it be?"

"He brought himself to a place." He muttered. " To somewhere. Unless it's someone and if he complied then it's not a matter of force-handing, is it?"

"I'm assuming things aren't as what they seem to be, apparently."

Prowl taps his thigh in an irritated manner. Either he was talking to himself or to you, it was hard to tell. But with how he disregarded your questions and looks — it was obvious he's cooped up in his thoughts.

"Dragged up there." He continues the muttering to himself. You noticed he's a little restless with the mini-movements he makes. From the rock of his kneeplates and the subtle, but often, flick of his doorwings. " No, down here. He walks. Over there. Then, close to the pole. How many footprints?"

You snapped out of your thoughts with a jolt, scrambling for an answer at the sudden question. Lamely, you said. "Five?"

"No, it's three." He waves at you dismissively. "Foot prints indicate long exposure to standing. Disagreement ensues. Blunt force trauma to the helm. Dragged up—" On cue Prowl swivels up. "Then pushed. Guise of a murder. Two mechs. An accomplice, to be precise."

" A what— Wait— so, hold on." You tug him close, lowering your voice. " He orchestrated his own death?"

Prowl leans away.

"Were you even listening to what I said?" He gives you an incredulous look." If you have so much to lose, would you really do that?"

You groan. He's not helping one bit."You're being real cryptic right now and I'm trying my best."

"No, not orchestrated." He vents. " That'd be ridiculous. But miscalculations did occur during the 'composing' of the Orchestra. He's compliant all but for the money. Both a victim to his faults and thinking."

You turn over his words in your processor. The lingering feeling that this isn't some kind of suicide rules out clear and Prowl had, somehow, figured it beforehand.".... You dont need me here to help you figure out case, don't you?"

He gives you a look that basically confirms it : a smug, but begrudging tug of his lips.

"I need you to confirm a certain theory." He points to the helm. " Blunt force trauma — Zero point."

You move over to the chassis and unlatched the plating. As expected the spark chamber indicated clear signs of restrictive energy flow from the burnt out, damaged ports. This could only occur if—

"He had suffered heavy blunt force trauma." Prowl stands up, gripping the railings with a vent.

" So, this is murder." You follow him, pacing around, a bit reeling from the new turn of events. "Its— it's murder, right?"

" We can't prove it is yet. We..." He trails off, then shake his head. "Tommorow when the warrant comes we'll able to consult his company....and...."

"Prowl, mech. You good?" You turn to the Enforcer who's looking a little off to be well, right now. "Hey, you need a moment?"

Crime scenes aren't the most pleasing sight to behold. Especially, the brutality of it all. You just didn't expect Prowl to be affected this badly.

" I'll—" He clutches his chest, shudders and groans lowly, stumbling forward.

"Prowl!" You caught him before he could hit the ground and instantly limps against your body, venting hard.

His frame was warm. So warm that once you touched his shoulder every moisture on the tip of your digit sizzles into steam. He's shaking and Primus, he's burning!

"You're sick and you didn't tell me?!" You laid him against the railing, loosening his taut platings to let air inside. Steam practically chuffs out from the pistons, smoldering your face with vapor when you unlatched the clips.

"I'm not sick." Was his weak protest and he pawed your servos away, attempting to get up. "The warrant—"

"Don't even try." You push him down. "Your optics are glazed! Plating is burning even worse than a typical fan-clog fever!"

"I'll get through it." He grits out.

"I'm sending you back. Doctor's orders."

He lets out an exasperated sound. " You're stalling the process! I need to solve the case before some overcharged single brained processor messes it up. "

"And you'll smelt into alloy by then, little mech." You clicked on your comm. " I'll deal with the body and I'll deal with the paperwork. You, on the other hand, need ratchet. If you preach for efficiency — then be compliant to it. "

Prowl opens his intake but ozone burns his tongue and another shudder sears through his platings. He turns away from you, groaning lowly. Maybe it's better if he complied because, right now, all he feels, is like a mech doused in gasoline and set on flames.

"Will you be fine?" Ratchet cocks a brow

Prowl grunts, swinging his legs off the medical berth. " I'll manage."

"Sure? Your internal processors are charged up than usual, Prowl." Ratchet grimaces at the datapads. Doesn't look much too good, if he had to be hoenst. " I wouldn't recommend you going about your tasks if you don't want your battle computer burning out out."

Prowl keeps quiet. He can feel the wanton heat pooling in his panel, itching, clawing to be spring free and abuse.

" Prowl?"

He sucks in a breath. "I need to go." And with that he turns on his heel and leaves.

He shouldn't have known it would be today. Especially, when the signs are clear enough these past few weeks : frequent mood swings, strange cravings at strange hours

He could've have pieced it all together and prevented the inevitable — but when he onlined this morning on his berth and felt the familiar trickle of lubricant coating his inner thighs, it was over.

He was too late.

Heat cycles.

Just the worse.

It was easy to know when it's coming just as easy to know it's going to get worse : the numbness on the tip of your digits, restless frame, unfocused and glazed optics. The desire to lodge a hole into every walk you find. All typical sign.

Some frames are more accustomed to such a cycle. Unlike the smaller frames, larger ones are able to disperse heat more efficiently. So, it was a tolerable task to wait it out during work and return home and take care of whatever problem they had with their conjux. Even better, take heat suppressants and the charge, while not entirely taken care of, is reduced.

But given his Praxian frame slim build, demure size and all, the heat isn't so well dispersed and the intake of suppressants just happens to make it worse. His tanks are sensitive to the chemicals; he took it once and it wasn't fun taking turns purging his tank and satisfying himself.

Prowl groans, squeezing his thighs together as the words blur out from his optics. The datapad in his servos dented from his grip and he discards it on the table, landing across with a tack. Blasted report. He keeps reading the same line over and over and his processors won't digest the damn thing.

He leans against the chair and his helm tips back until his optics met the ceiling. An experimental servo glides down his abdomen and he shudders as it clamps on his heated panel. He gives it a little stroke, venting when lubricant smear the seams. A low whine churned from his throat. Prowl flushes, chagrined.

Mhn. Hot. He feels hot. So, hot. So Restless. He needs to purge out this excess energy or driving him insane. He could head out into the sparring range and punt in a few dents jn the testing dummies but he's too restless for that. He needs something and that something has to be inside and pumping his valve until he's all but a writhing mess on the floor.

The panel slides and a throbbing spike springs out. Ivory in color, grey outline, it stands at attention and the tip weeps with transfluid. Prowl slides his digits inside the swollen valve. He groans as he feels his calipers pulsing around his digits, spreading the folds out.

He can't keep going on like this.

On cue, the door opens. Prowl jolts in his seat and swivels up at the intrusion, lodging his digits deeper inside in tandem of his fluster. It was you. You're by the doorway. Stiff and straight to the brim, optics wide. The datapad you were holding drops from your servos just as your jaw had flung open in surprise

[sorrelchestnut]

Birds on a Wire, Lucanis/f!Rook, 2/?

Part One.

The next morning she is awake before him, as has become usual the last few months.  Lucanis sleeps well these days, now that he no longer fears what his body will do once unattended.  Her troubles with the dreaming world have no such simple solutions.  Lucanis makes a mental note to confer with Emmrich the next time they meet, and goes looking for his wayward lover.

He finds her in the courtyard, debriefing with the Caretaker.  "-need tending," she's saying.  "They all think they're real now and start wilting if they don't get watered.  And Bellara will be back from Arlathan in a couple days, can you make sure she eats and sleeps at regular intervals?  She's pretty good about it if you remind her."

"Of course, Dweller.  I will see to it."

"Thanks, mate.  I know things have been quiet but if you have any problems in the Crossroads send a message through the Treviso eluvian.  We'll be back in a flash to see it handled."

"Of course, Dweller.  Safe travels."

"We'll certainly do our best.  Hullo, pet," she says, turning with a smile as he approaches on her right.  "You all packed?"

"The essentials, at least," he confirms, hefting his duffel.  "What about you, is that all you're taking with you?"

Rook shoulders her own much smaller rucksack and grins at him.  "Not much to take, you know me.  Couple spare daggers and a change of clothes and I'm all set."

Clothes that are just as stained and tattered as the set she's currently wearing, unfortunately.  The past months have not been kind to anyone's belongings but…  Lucanis pictures his grandmother's face and winces. "We could both use a refresh of our wardrobe," he says diplomatically.  "We'll have to visit my old tailor, if he's still in business."

She only shrugs.  Someone told Lucanis once that Rivainis like to wear their wealth; clearly no one saw fit to inform Rook.  "Your coin, dove.  You ready to go?"

"At your lead, signora."

If someone told him six months ago that he would grow accustomed to traveling halfway across the continent in the blink of an eye, Lucanis would have laughed in their face.  But he thought the same thing when he first took a life, and with enough repetition that grew to hold all the intrigue of yesterday's lunch.  Today he steps through the eluvian at Rook's heels and into the cool, damp air of an Antivan winter, and thinks only with irritation that it looks as if it's going to rain.

Rook's clearly thinking the same.  "Oh, look at that sky.  Might have a storm on our hands."

Ugh.  "You're not wrong," he's forced to agree, eyeing the sky with disfavor.  "If we don't hurry we're going to get caught in it."

"Oh, you think?"

He turns the skeptical look on her.  She's practically bouncing on her heels, giddy as a child.  "You cannot be serious."

"Do you know how long it's been since I've even seen a storm?  In Minrathous it's a light drizzle four hours a day like clockwork, and the Crossroads are mildly sunny night and fuckin' day."

Yes, and Lucanis loves it.  He'd go back right now if he could.  "Have you ever tried to run rooftops in a downpour?"

"I've boarded ships in a hurricane, love, still think they're cracker."  She laughs at the expression on his face.  "Can't help it, I just love loud weather."

"Thunderbolts and lighting!" Spite agrees.

It's Spite's nature to be argumentative, and if he can suck up to Rook in doing so then all the better.  But Lucanis thought better of her.  "You are a very strange person.  There is nothing enjoyable about wet clothing."

She laughs again and slings an arm around his shoulders.  "Aww, poor grumpy Lucanis.  C'mon, Spite, let's go before his highness gets his feet wet."

There is a fledgling waiting for them at the canal docks, though Lucanis did not take the time to send his grandmother a reply.  She must have set the boy to wait as soon as she sent the letter, as if to remind Lucanis that it is beneath the First Talon to procure his own gondola.  He tucks his sigh behind his teeth.

"Your name?"

"Marco, monsignor."

Lucanis doesn't recognize him, but then, he doesn't know most of the fledglings in Treviso these days.  Caterina kept herself busy during the occupation, pulling in all manner of disaffected youths with dreams of being freedom fighters.  He wonders wearily how many of them will survive the brutal reality of a Crow's apprenticeship without the numbing salve of patriotic fervor to fuel their ambitions.  There will be a great many failures over the next few years, is his estimate, and as always, those few who succeed will be forced to cut their matriculation from the throats of their less fortunate brethren.  And Lucanis will have to be the one to order it done.

(didn't want this. never wanted THIS)

"Good to meet you.  Are you to take us to the villa?"

"Yes, monsignor."  His gaze roams unsubtly around the empty dock.  "And will, ah, your luggage be traveling separately?"

"Most people just call me Rook, lad."

Under other circumstances Lucanis might enjoy the fledgling's wide-eyed look of panic.  "Signora- Monsignora, I did not mean-"

"Ignore her, Marco," Lucanis instructs with a sigh.  "We're ready to depart when you are."

Rook gives the white-faced boy a clap on the shoulder and jumps into the waiting gondola, sure-footed as a cat.  Lucanis follows her more circumspectly, dropping his duffel at her feet.  "Play nice with the children, cara."

"I'm always nice."

"I know of several who would disagree."

"Yeah, but how many of them are still alive to say so?"

"Ah, the 'leave no witnesses' approach.  Very Antivan."

"Learned from the best."

Lucanis soon falls silent as the gondola progresses through the canals, his capacity for banter exhausted by the presence of their witness, but Rook nobly takes up the banner of conversation with some convoluted story of a failed treasure hunt involving three pirate ships and a dragon.  Lucanis listens and makes noises at all the right intervals, but his attention is fixed on their surroundings as they pass.

(enemy territory)

It's not like this for normal people, Lucanis thinks.  Neve is justifiably cautious taking a stroll around Docktown's meaner streets, but she watches the crowds, looking for a common thug or paid mercenary to try their luck.  Harding keeps an eye on her purse and Taash shoulders through crowds like a ship cuts the water, but neither of them move through the world as if death could come at any minute.  Even Rook, who handles her blade with a particular familiar flourish that Lucanis has very carefully not questioned how she might have been taught, doesn't share his reflexive, ceaseless paranoia any time they go somewhere he hasn't personally vetted.  He wouldn't wish that fear on his worst enemy - but neither would he want her denied of any tool that might keep her safe.

(WE will keep her safe!)

That's what Lucanis's mother thought, and his father, and all his aunts and uncles.  Thirty years ago, House Dellamorte numbered in the dozens: five children, four spouses, eight grandchildren, countless body servants and retainers.  Of those, only Lucanis remains.  And he dares to imagine Rook beside him in this pit of vipers?

(blood and brine.  storm and steel!)

True.  Rook has survived worse things than any the Antivan Crows can offer, that's to be sure.  Even now, her laugh comes easy, her haphazard tale flowing like good wine - but her gaze is watchful, flitting from the rooftops behind Lucanis to the streets ahead and back again.  And underneath the fold of her tattered traveling cloak, her hand rests casually near the hilt of her sword.  Perhaps it will be enough.

Part Three

[riiverdancer]

toji x fem!orthodox!reader, THE LONG AWAITED SEQUEL!

to whoever is reading this as of now: please do not sexualize my work as it was not written for that purpose and i worked quite hard on this piece alone. i would find that course of action extremely disrespectful on your part. also, if themes of religion make you feel uncomfortable, DO NOT READ THIS.

to anyone interested, you can find this work on my ao3 @/riiverdancer under the title "moths in my abdomen" !

synopsis: toji doesn't know how neither how to pray, nor how to sleep, so it gets awkward.

contents: events set in 2008, toji being timid around reader, toji is not familiar with his surroundings, post gege clarity, bare with me everyone.

Toji was used to keeping watch during the night while his companions slept in the tent and curses and curse users were always lurking around their campsite. In those moments, he would risk his arm going limp just by gripping onto his heavenly inverted spear in case an enemy was close by. He did not play games. Toji however, was not used to having to keep watch over nothing in the middle of the night. He was becoming less cautious and more fearful of the dark, almost like a child. His heavy heart pounded in his chest moderately faster the more he refused the offer of a good night's sleep, he was getting dizzy from staring at the hallway light that peered through the bedroom door in a single vertical line. He was going mad and he knew it. He saw that light as a string of hope saving him from his suppressed childish fears, which he blamed on his son for always asking to come over to his and his late wife's bed to sleep with them while his fear faded. Now another woman lies in his bed. A beautiful soul that is in so many ways more than Toji's. The love she had left to give poured onto him like lava and hardening so imperfectly, his heart could only beat in slow intervals, just not to crack the obsidian forming around it. But within those borders, his heart was begging for guidance of any kind. A thump at a time made the gold lightweight crucifix bounce on and off of his chest. It was the peak of his anxiety, he was beginning to choke.

This was the very same sensation he felt when he went to church, the guilt he had was seeping through the tip of his tongue, mumbling away his remorse, behind him, he knew he could feel the Devil himself creeping up behind him and in a moment of weakness, he wept. A whisper scream, if you will.

"I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it." He was genuinely spilling tears, pulling his hair by the handful, too stressed to even think about going back to bed.

This woke up his partner, who rolled from her side and groaned rubbing her eyes: "Jiji...mmh. What's wrong?"

"Ugh, forget it. I feel like a piece of shit already." Toji scoffed.

"No, don't say that." She lightly placed a hand on his chest, still sleepy. "Hold my hand."

His large hand wrapped around hers, covering it entirely and he sighed, still tired of the mental baggage.

He did the cross with his right hand and moved her curls covering the side of her face to kiss her warm cheek, a stray strand of hair getting caught in his lips. He smiled and looked at her as her head was stuffed knee deep in the pillows.

"Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me, a sinner." She muffled, her head on the pillows, somehow urging Toji gently to repeat her words, soon becoming a coeval prayer of three times, that made Toji drop the weights he already beared.

"I'm gonna marry you someday." His heart throbbed in place as he looked at pale moon pouring over his skin. "By God, I'm gonna marry you someday." He covered himself in their shared duvet, almost instantly going to sleep after he closed his eyes.

[dyke-quixote]

Very well, bio headcannons time. Also going off anon jumpscare. Yknow how a lot of earlier media makes vampires undead? Was thinking about if that part of vampire lore would apply to bloodfiends at all, and well…

To get to the headcannon: bloodfiends being some manner of undead is actually a common misconception based on a couple things, but mostly because bloodbags are some form of undead. To put it simply, blood within a human turned body becomes a sort of semi concious entity that moves on its own, and is the source of many bloodfiend instincts. There’s also a lot of energy stored or created in their blood just via emotion so it can run hot.

In bloodbags their “living blood” (blood is already alive but it’s good shorthand for what im describing) fights the human body and kills the brain, with the rest of the body only being alive because the blood moves through the heart on its own and forcefully pumps it. It’s easy to tell the difference between this and a normal heartbeat because it’s frantic and inconsistent, stopping, slowing or starting again at sudden intervals as the blood runs wild out of control in there. Their lack of higher consciousness beyond going after humans and following bloodfiend orders is also cause whoops brain dead, so their blood does all the thinking. The crystals on bloodbags start as hardblood esque scabs replacing dying flesh in areas, but the blood doesn’t really know when to stop doing that so more blood just keeps getting in, thus it crystallizes.

By contrast in bloodfiends the brain lives and supplants the will of the “living blood” and thus they essentially become one conscious organism. Their body stays alive, and their blood generates energy without exterior input, thus why they have little need to eat or drink. They’re also capable of higher thought obviously, and their still living heart now serves more of a purpose to keep the blood in their body under control. Any attempted pathogens or other illness causers are basically consumed the moment they enter the bloodstream of a bloodfiend, so bloodfiends actually normally can get away with having lower natural body temperatures than humans with little consequence, though this can make them less energetic by default. However they kinda need the gap as their body temperature can also increase a lot more than humans as like I said earlier, their blood can very much run hot due to emotions. In the literal sense. As they get all their energy from emotions, emotional deficits by the brain fuel bloodfiend hunger while emotional fulfillment combats it. The idea of blood and mind sort of being separate sources of bloodfiend consciousness is actually the principle by which I imagine rocinante functions too.

As a very powerful bloodfiend Quixote is capable of such well controlled blood manipulation that he’s able to separate out a good portion of his blood into a new semi consciousness that functions like the “living blood”. By using rocinante as a mental stop gap of sorts between the two sides of a bloodfiend Quixote can essentially filter out a lot of the impulses in his blood that don’t interact with his brain, along with some physical symptoms. As his kindred some it is even more effective on Sancho as the first kindred’s blood carries power over her both physically and mentally. And I think that’s everything! Quite a lot, honestly.

Oh I love this. I definitely can see it and may adopt parts of it... I already thought about blood being pretty close to this for Bloodfiends. We love when there's an almost parasitic thing happening in there... ugh so good... I love this. Weird living blood... the nature of a Bloodfiend literally being fiendish blood... blood is their everything...

[tojiscrack]

HIIII I LITERALLY JUST BINGED THE WHOLE LIAR LIAR SERIES IN 7 HOURS I DON'T REGRET IT AT ALLLLL YOUR WRITING IS RLY GOOD AND I HOPE YOU GAIN MORE POPULARITY!! anyways just wanted to ask, how long does it take to make each chapter? And when is the next gonna release? No pressure of course! Just curious :) AGAIN LOVE YOUR WRITING SMMMM

HEYYY, ANON 😋💞

SEVEN hours? 😟 girl are you OKAY? 😭

also i’m acting as if the story, despite only having 8 chapters so far, isn’t already at 150k+ words, so ofc it would take SEVEN hours to read it in one sitting…

‘your writing is really good and i hope you gain more popularity’ 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

thank you sm?? idk how i can put into words my appreciation for that small comment (ironic ik, i’m a writer 💀). i always get flustered and giggly, i forget how to speak and just wisjwisjwiej ugh ty <333 so glad u like my writing so far!

okie now to address ur first question! how long does it take to make each chapter?

😟

the dreaded question…

i think my updating schedule has that answered in a way 😭

for everyone that was here during liar liar’s first release, the making of chapters 1-5 took months each ‘cause the word counts ranged from around 18-33k words 🫢 (ik, wild, like what do you have to say in a single chapter that’d make up an entire book in itself? 😭 idk i just like detail).

chapters 6, 7 & 8 were released in good time intervals, i think, and that’s ‘cause we just got into the main story, no more background was needed. these chapters’ word counts ranged from 7-16k words (still a lot, ik, but considerably and notably less than the first five chapters) so they were easier to get out as they got completed quicker.

so how long does it take to make a chapter? depends on the word count, really. if it’s on the heavier side, it’ll take about a month or two. if it’s more like the ones being released now, less heavy and straight to the point, probably 3-4 weeks? give or take?

second question! when’s the next release? 🙂‍↕️

(i appreciate the clarification that you don’t intend to rush me <3 ty for that! 💘)

honestly, idk 💀 i haven’t even started writing it yet.

usually when i release a chapter, it’s late into the night (i’ve noticed a running theme here recently, it tends to be towards the end of the week) and then i just stop writing altogether for the next 5 days so i don’t burn myself out and basically invite writer’s block 🫣

i checked my plan and notes for chapter 9, and using an educated estimate, i predict that it’ll probably be around 10k words (without including a bonus scene). taking my school schedule into consideration, it’ll maybe be out in another 4 weeks? maybe less (or more) depending on when the christmas holiday starts!

but again, TY FOR DROPPING IN AND LETTING ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS! 💗 I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW :D

and i hope i managed to answer ur two questions properly! 😊 i realise how vague they are, but unfortunately giving a clear answer isn’t possible in this case ‘cause it makes it seem like a promise (like ‘the next chapter’ll be out in 4 weeks’ without considering obstacles or school which i take really seriously haha) and if i did give a straight answer, ik for a fact that i wouldn’t be able to be consistent with it :)

[suzieb-fit]

Hmm, just when I was starting to think I'd finally "cracked it" with the mucus solution. Yesterday was a really settled day. Still there throughout the day, but at a low level and no major flare ups.

Then this morning? Yep. Boom.... Back as bad as ever.

Ugh. Maybe that's how the detox works? Gradually eases with the occasional bad flare up, but less and less frequently til they die off altogether. Or am I just being delusional, lol?

Anyway, I'm weight training this morning. Upper body.

Woke up pretty tired, so started a little later.

Breakfast outside on a very dull, drizzly Monday morning before anything else.

I am all about fueling my body properly.

No more fasting. This is more technically "time restricted eating". Finishing eating sfter an early dinner, giving my digestive system a good break before breakfast.

I might occasionally go longer, but I night also occasionally go no longer than 12hrs.

My current training focus needs good quality feeding.

I took my usual half an hour walk straight after.

Upper body strength today. I hit those weights pretty hard.

Ended with a tuck jump sprint interval. Wow, total game changer!

Lunch was chicken salad with grapes and fake cheese. Coconut based. Actually pretty nice.

I decided to do something different for my afternoon fitness bout. Got on the rowing machine. Actually hate rowing, lol. Just feels like I'm on there for weeks! I put my earphones in and listened to a podcast. Made it slightly more tolerable.

Fresh fruit, walnuts, mixed seeds, ground coconut and a splash of olive oil after that.

Time to chill, now.

Today was a double chicken day. Had some for dinner too! Had that with avocado and veggies. Fresh ginger, herbs and spices.

I decided on an extra snack. Grapes and macadamia nuts.

Training hard and heavy has sent my "refeed" brain into overdrive!

And I might even make a second serving of my breakfast recipe tonight. Add some frozen blueberries.

That will add upto a whole lot of food, but meh, I can definitely add a few pounds without any worries. I'm lower than my normal maintenance goal right now.

Breakfast will be later tomorrow, so I'll also still get at least that 12hr digestive rest. No commitment either way. I'll just see how I feel later.

I feel fantastic at the moment. Yes, this morning's bad flare up knocked me sideways, but it was only maybe a couple of hours out of an otherwise excellent day!

[ihavemanyhusbands]

Hiiiii looks like our periods are synced lollll just got mine today and I want to die :( can we get a Richie fic of him taking care of his girl when she’s on her period <3

Hiiii ugh omg mine’s a day late already but we pushin thru!!!!

(Also im not including this in the fic but i def think Richie at first would be the kinda guy that asks “what size pussy you wear?” when he’s out buying you pads 😭😭 lmao)

——

“Babe, where the hell did you say you put the heating pad?” Richie yelled from an adjacent room.

“It’s still on the couch, I was using it yesterday!” you responded from your nest of blankets, blowing on your steaming cup of tea to cool it down.

Moments later, he hurried back into the bedroom, kneeling next to the bed and plugging in the heating pad.

“Have the painkillers kicked in?” He asked, handing it to you.

“Kind of,” you grimaced, placing it against your lower abdomen. “How long has it been?”

“Like, fifteen minutes, probably?”

You groaned, feeling a sharp pang just below your navel. You knew the Tylenol was barely starting to work because the pain was waxing and waning at maddening intervals, so intense it made you sweat.

You squeezed his hand tightly, closing your eyes for a moment as you waited for it to pass.

"What else do you need?" He asked, hating seeing you so miserable. "Do you want me to rub your back?"

You nodded, body sagging into the mattress as the pain finally tapered off for the time being.

"I'm getting kinda hungry, too," you said, setting down your cup and turning onto your side so he had access to your back.

You sighed at his touch, his warm hands moving in slow, firm circles.

"How 'bout I get you some pizza, hm? That sound good?"

Again, you simply nodded, inching closer to him. “In a bit, though… Keep going on my back please.”

"You got it boss,” he teased, earning the slightest huff of amusement from you.

——

[redemn]

wanting to talk today a little bit about how i envision the way knowledge is held in arthur's mind .   namely ,   that arthur tends toward casual ,   hands-on approaches far better than the pencil-on-paper type of learning .   in my mind ,   dutch and hosea only ever taught arthur to learn how to read and write using newspapers and books and making him repeat it in writing and in speaking as he went ,   just to get it ingrained in his mind quick as they could .   he was also encouraged to keep a journal and write in it , which he does for his entire life . especially since he was already almost in his mid-teens by the time they started teaching him ,   which meant he needed a lot of repetition .   they also learned early on that arthur tends to pick up things very quickly when he's actually set to work doing those things ,   instead of being told .   so with shooting ,   riding ,   robbing ,   horse and camp care and the like ,   they showed him a few times and let him make his own mistakes and fix his own mistakes ,   with just a little bit of counsel ,   so that he could know for the next time what to do if things went wrong .

this also bleeds into arthur's emotional intelligence ,   which is made quite clear in the game he actually possess a firm grasp of .   he's not the type of man who much likes to hear about the 'scientific' aspects about what makes a person who they are .   he's been around people since he was born and he'd started learning how to read people the day lyle yanked him up by the arm and he'd realised he needed to know the right thing to do and say around that man .   since then ,   he's been analysing and observing people in silence ,   and he's gotten relatively good at knowing when someone feels good or bad based on the way they carry themselves and speak .   this extends to animals as well .   though he can be empathetic towards those he cares about ,   this is also a tool he utilises when it comes to threatening or demanding things from other people as effectively as possible .   knowing which emotion to appeal to in order to get the best results is paramount in an outlaw's survival .   he knows how to adapt his behaviour to certain societal contexts .

for calculative learning ,   like mathematics ,   arthur seriously refused to work with the numbers on paper .   so the two relied on instinctual training in order to steer him in the right direction :   first ,   hard drilling of addition ,   subtraction ,   multiplication ,   and division ,   then relying on those to throw him into a ballpark calculation .   so ,   for example ,   if arthur was given $50 ,   told that each meal was worth $3 ,   how many meals could he get with that much money ?   $10 nets about 3 meals ,   five of those is 15 ,   give or take one or two .   so that's how arthur tends to make quick guesstimations on how long it takes to get a certain amount of miles ,   approximately how much medicine to take ,   how many rations can be used in a particular time frame ,   etc .   really goes hand-in-hand with all his wilderness knowledge .   he was taught how to survive .   not how to be a scholar .

on a silly note :   i like to think that dutch and hosea taught arthur how many feet were in a mile by telling him the answer a few times ,   then asking him in random intervals just randomly every day or two ,   then every few days ,   then once a week until he got it down without having to think .     "  how many feet in a mile ,   arthur ?  "      "  ugh .   five thousand ,   two hundred eighty ,   hosea .   🙄  "     he still gets tested in his adulthood sometimes because it's funny. " you kiddin' me ? i'm thirty ! "

i just see arthur as not really having concrete concepts in his mind .   he thinks more indirectly whenever he's doing things ,   which can come off as unintelligent to anyone who actually studied properly in a school .   give him a math problem and he will not be able to write it down on paper .   he'll just think about it for a while and toss out what he feels is around the right answer .   give him a buck wild horse and he'll have the creature calmed and eating out of the palm of his hand in under an hour .

[polyphonical]

Dragon's Head - Interval - Chapter 1

[ View on site for better experience♪ ]

Location: Downtown

〈A few days later〉

Kuro: Tetsu. Have ya finished shoppin’ yet?

Tetora: Ossu! Thank you for comin’ with me! Thanks to you, I was able to finish everythin’ I needed to do ssu. Are there any places you wanted to go to, Taishou?

Kuro: Me? Nah, I don’t need anythin’. I just wanted to come along for the walk.

Tetora: I see ssu. Then, where should we go nowーー Hm? Hmm~?

Ah, somethin’ smells super good ssu! Ugh, I just got so hungry, I couldn’t help but drool…

Kuro: Smells good…? Now thatcha say it, there is some kinda sweet smell floatin’ around.

Is that taiyaki [1]? Ah, it looks like it’s comin’ from that food truck over there.

Tetora: ! Taiyaki! I love Taiyaki ssu! They’re super delicious ssu!

Kuro: Oh yeah, I think my lil’ sister said somethin’ like this was happenin’. That there was a stylish taiyaki shop that’s only open for a limited time downtown somewhere.

Tetora: Stylish? Is there a thing such as stylish taiyaki ssu?

Like is it not the normal fish shape? Maybe it’s a dressed-up fish? I dunno, I don’t think it matters if it’s dressed up or not. I think people would just eat it anyways…

Kuro: I think ya got the wrong idea of what stylish means.

In this case, I think they’re usin’ stylish to describe the fillin’. Normally, it’d be red bean paste fillin’ or cream fillin’, but this place ‘s sellin’ a variety of different ones.

It could be somethin’ as light as a dessert or as heavy as a light meal. Like how there’s different versions of crepes [1] with various ingredients.

My lil’ sister says they’re really popular ‘cuz they’re like a taiyaki restaurant with how many different varieties they have.

I think she recommended the ham and cheese one…?

Tetora: Ham and cheese! I love ham, cheese, and taiyaki ssu! ♪

Kuro: If ya like them so much, why don’t we buy some and go eat somewhere? I haven’t had lunch yet so I was just startin’ to get hungry.

Tetora: Ossu! Yeah, let’s do that!

Kuro: Tetsu, here.

Tetora: Thank you ssu! Uumyu. I wanna eat right now, but I dunno if I want to eat standin’ right here. It’s a holiday, so it’s kinda crowded…

Kuro: That’s trye. We should go somewhere else.

Tetora: Ah. Then, should we go eat at the riverbank ssu?

Like, we used to go eat food at the riverbank after we finished club activities, right? It’d have a lotta places to sit down, and it’s warm, so it’d be nice to go there ssu.

Kuro: Ohh, that’s right. Nice idea, Tetsu.

Location: Firefly Riverbank

Kuro: Man, it’s been a while since we’ve been here huh.

Tetora: Ah, Taishou! I think this bench here is free ssu!

……Alright! Then, thank you for this meal~! Chew chew……♪

Mmm~! The sweetness of the dough and the savoriness of the ham and cheese go so well together…!

I always thought of taiyaki as somethin’ like a dessert, but somethin’ like this could be a meal!

I hope they add more meat options to the menu next time~ Like kalbi [2] taiyaki!

Which taiyaki did you get, Taishou?

Kuro: Hm? Me? I just got the normal bean paste one.

Tetora: Ehh? After seein’ all those options, you got the normal one? Why?

Kuro: ‘s just a personal preference of mine to get the kind I’m used to durin’ these kinds of things.

Besides, my lil’ sister brings home a lotta food from “stylish” places. Gettin’ to eat the normal version of foods is more rare than not. ‘s nice to have after a while.

Tetora: I see ssu. Well, it’s very Taishou-like to pick somethin’ normal like that. Chew chew…

Oh yeah, I haven’t heard anything from Tenshouin-senpai since everythin’ went down. What ended up happenin’ with the project ssu?

Kuro: I dunno. From the way Tenshouin was actin’ before, it must be hard to have to a lotta different obligations.

Tetora: Right ssu. That’s why it’s so hard to get in touch with Anego too…

Since Tomoya-kun and I were the ones who found the weekly magazine, we’ve been wonderin’ what was goin’ on.

I wish there was a way I could help out.

Kuro: To do that, ya have to come up with a plan that’s good for both agencies, somethin’ that works with the management, and somethin’ that changes the fans opinions who are strugglin’ with the whole issue.

That bein’ said… I’m not that good with variety type shit to begin with.

Tetora: Hm~………

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Here's what taiyaki are and what crepes are ! I want some now (never had them ever ) .

This is what kalbi is! It's also Tetsu's fave food , so ofc he wanted to try some kalbi taiyaki . i think i wanna try this one the most actually

[pbaintthetb]

Lol watched Book of Mormon (and hoo boy possibly actually one of my faves I've watched on stage. Plot is average at best but the goddamn choreo and the lights- the act 1 finale? I digress) thoughts

You can never go home again, or more accurately, You can never go to Orlando again. Anyway Price probably needs a few years to resort his head and life before he can go to Orlando and appreciate it because currently I don't think he can seperate what he wants (needs) Orlando to be from what Orlando actually is...

Orlando and Salt Lake City are the same in the sense that neither of them actually exist and they're metaphors (ignoring the fact that they do, both exist). Both Nabalungi and Price songs about their favourite fictional (real) real (fictional) place are kinda tragic because it reveals the things they view about the world as fact. Hence why this place is so special. Yes comparing Price's pretty first world problems with Nabalung's concerns is a bit of a stretch but also it kind is the same thematically.

I do hope Nabalungi can get what she wants from Salt Lake City though, although not necessarily in Salt Lake city idc.

The vibe I had in the interval was that it was possible out of district 9 Price is the only one to have actually read the Book of Mormon, cover to cover. Cunningham explictly hasn't, the conversation about "latter days" made me wonder if the other mormons only kinda read it which-

leads onto my thinking that like Price's relationship with Mormonism is, in many ways, more academic/clinical. Like he's got that kind of obsession with religion that I personally associate with people who don't actually believe but either A. really want to or B. really want to disprove it. Price is firmly in A, but yeah like I feel like Price needs Mormonism to be real where he is in the plot (Orlando. If mormonism is real he can go back to Orlando. And it's worth it.) But he doesn't necessarily actually have that spark of genuine belief the other District 9 elders have ya get me? Like he knows it back to front he knows the logic, adn in the coffee scene talks about how a lot of it has always seemed nonsensical and incoherent to him. It's a set of rules and guidelines but idk if Price actually has like core real belief/faith.

When those extra rows of lights came down for Man Up near the end of act 1? Oh yeah you bet we were all in for a fantastic time then, you know good stuff is gonna happen

The lighting in Sal Tlay Ka Siti was beautiful, like I mean the actress's performance and voice were great too, but the lighting really sold the like kinda hopeful tragic nature of the song. She's so happy most of the time but that song, ugh, the tree branch gobos, the visible beams, the colour KSJDFJS:LKDF

Lol disco ball.

The set? It's so detailed? And they get it up so fast? LIke I know they drop blacks in "You and me (but Mostly me)" so it's more than the black out, but STILL?

Again, how do they get the waistcoats on so bloody fast in "Turn it off"??? (I do actually have theories about this but that's not the point, it's stilll so cool)

Maybe this is just the run i watched, but like the Mormons, other than being dressed the same are all roughly the same height (except Cunningham) so their numbers are so extra cool because they really do kinda blend and move as one unit and it's so cool to watch. Especially Hello and Two by Two where they all have black ties.

Did they just start a new cult at the end? Curious what most of the mormons are gonna do when they leave Uganda. Also curious if their parents got an angry phone call from the mission president and are just like.... why aren't they home yet???

BFN is an elder now? Okay... not gonna touch that and how that happened

Nabalungi's dad is fucking hilarious omg his delivery this guy

The only song I'd heard was "You and me (But mostly me)" but I had been told of the spooky mormon hell song. The latter slapped. Did not have Atilla the Hun playing flute on my bingo card that day.

^I loved the blacks coming in from all sides to trap Cunningham out of "You and Me (But mostly Me)" and leave Price as the star also like I knew the song but teh first "but mostly me" cracked me up

One of the incorrect names Cunningham called Nabalungi was "Nigel Farage" lol. Couldn't hear much of the dialogue after that.

About the incorrect name, Nabalungi has the patience of a saint for sure.

Oh during teh play i couldn't watch half of it because I was too busy watching the district 9 elders, but mostly Price reacting to it. It was hilarious. Price looked so fucking happy but like he was trying to hide it and was clapping Cunningham on the shoulder at one point.

As a musical, it's incredible, and it properly contextualises a few things people have said about it and how long it's been running. By "as a musical" I mean the general production of it n shit. The plot is pretty average, the songs have funny lyrics but a lot of the numbers probably won't hold up so well on sound track for me personally- but when you're watching it??? oh yeah. Oh yeahhh.

Oh, the pipes on the guy playing Cunningham, man. MAN.

You can never go to Orlando again.

[bengiyo]

Step By Step Ep 7 Stray Thoughts

Last time, Pat got to live his best gay life and got to try dating three different people. Unfortunately, one of them was just trying to recruit him for an MLM scheme. Jeng and Pat went on a cute furniture date with Jeng, and had two nice dinners with him. Put took his shot once more after seeing Pat set boundaries, and I wasn't keen on the use of the plushie as a coercion tactic.

Six months of maternity leave? My state would never.

I worry about Ae and Kannon working out.

Pat got back together with Put?? Ugh.

Interesting! Jaab is the first one to call out Jeng for getting too close to Pat, but he's actually wrong about who Pat is seeing.

Ope! Jeng figured out that Pat's with Put.

I'm gonna need Put to focus on his job so this goes well for Pat.

I'm not sure about cheese in ramen.

Oh, this is awkward as hell. Put is not engaged in this dinner at all, and then is blandly critical of it.

Seems like Put enjoys getting Pat to do things for him.

I like that Put's costar isn't a source of drama here, and that Pat just wants the acting to be good.

I like that Tee and friends continue to do meta storytelling about BL itself in their projects. We have a bunch of gay people all working to make a BL.

Feel like we're getting into some of the same places War of Y went with the overbearing manager here.

Mmm, I feel some kind of way about her worries that his skin will darken from being in the sun.

Poor Pat. Every time someone gets testy, they accuse him of being unprofessional because he's young.

Man is playing Jeng so well. You can feel him struggling with the appropriate way to comfort Pat versus how he'd like to comfort him.

I do love Jeng coming through and handing this manager her entire ass, but doing it politely.

Ope! Jeng isn't done! He all but told Put, "Don't screw this up for Pat."

Up Poompat is also very good at this. He and Ben have really good chemistry. You can feel why these two were drawn to each other, and also why they didn't work.

What is up with Jen and Jaab?

Jeng always has to comport himself before any interaction with Pat.

I love that they're doing karaoke of the Lovely Writer soundtrack.

Jeng is so smitten.

I guess they are going to be on the DL if Put isn't going to move to take care of Pat.

Chot ain't wrong! These men are swarming Pat!

Of course Chot knows, and is not going to be the source of drama for Put and Pat. He's about to join the ranks of Framboise.

Not entirely sure what happened with Jaab's feelings for Jen in the interval.

Oh boy. What a tense way to end the episode.

Seems like Put is going to call Jeng out next week.

So glad to have this show back in the rotation. The commentary was more subtle this week. I'm not entirely sure I caught what was happening with Jaab and Jen. Jeng continues to be a boss I'd like to have.