#internship opportunities near me

[mosscrab]

thank fucking god i'm not going to be in the tech industry

[sievesoftech]

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[violetrainbow412-blog]

Hearts [S. R.]

Young!Spencer Reid x fem!reader

word count: 2.6k

and by public demand, part 2

summary: an intern pesters Spencer to get his attention and you help him get rid of it a bit, benefiting in the process.

A/N: here we go! started watching criminal minds last week and i'm halfway through the first season so expect a lot of content as I progress with the series. Spencer Reid from season one is the cutest thing I ever looked at

If you want to be added to the taglist just tell me, and if you have ideas, send them!

You'd think FBI offices would be quiet at night, but the truth is, with so many agents and interns reporting to do, the night seemed to be the busiest time.

After spending three months there you had almost obtained your own desk and knew most of the people, especially the BAU team whom you had been assigned to support for your internship. Since you began your university studies, you had wanted to work in that FBI unit and when the opportunity presented itself you were extremely excited, but now that it was a reality, you could realize that the workload was unimaginable and heavier than you expected. Still, with any luck, proper schooling, and practice you could be aiming for a permanent position in maybe two or three years. For now, being there as an intern was more than enough.

You were so engrossed in reading your computer screen that you didn't hear when the office door opened and it wasn't until a figure sat down next to you that you realized who it was.

You and Spencer Reid met many years ago, when you were both in middle school, in Las Vegas, and from that moment on you could appreciate what a prodigy he was. He was a very serious, quiet, and shy boy, but for some reason you always enjoyed his company and, judging by the fact that he never left you, you thought he did too. On some occasions you exchanged books that he returned to you in two days and you kept for a few weeks, you talked during some school breaks, you asked him for help with homework, and on more than one occasion you went so far as to defend him verbally from those silly children who bothered him; in general, you had something close to a friendship. You never thought that after so long, and so far from Las Vegas, you would see him again, much less in the condition you were in right now.

"Hey," you greeted him kindly, showing him a tired smile "What are you doing here?"

"I was finishing an analysis of yesterday's case," he replied. The team had had to profile another pyromaniac and for just a bit they had managed to catch him, which had left them somewhat tense "And you?"

"A report" you answered simply. You had the hypothesis that those kinds of activities ended up in the hands of the interns because they were extremely tedious and they wanted to get rid of it.

Reid wasn't much of a talker if the occasion didn't call for it and you knew it, so it wasn't too strange that he would only sit near you to watch you work, although there was something different about him tonight that alarmed you.

"You think I'm dumb?" he asked suddenly, forcing you to look up at him.

"You? Are you asking me if I think Doctor Reid is dumb? you asked, emphasizing his title, but he gently shook his head.

"Not in that sense, but like... weird or something."

“We all are a little bit. And that's not so bad” you said sincerely. You knew that on some occasions Spencer would ask questions and all you had to do was wait a bit for him to tell you what the doubt was about.

“And do you think…?” he started to say, a little unsure "Do you think I don't have a girlfriend because I'm that weird?"

"Who told you that?" you exclaimed more directly. You imagined that this concern could only arise from someone having suggested it, as had already happened on other occasions, and it still touched you a little that he had the confidence to assist you for that kind of thing.

"No, no one in particular"

"You know, I think you don't care about having or not having a girlfriend" you ventured to say "Was it Morgan?"

“No, not him,” he hastened to say, thinking a little about his next words, “Uhm, that girl from the department next door…”

"Victoria," you cut him off, rolling your eyes in anticipation and feeling the heat already rising up your cheeks. She was a typical mean girl; long black hair, tall, always wearing expensive dresses, high heels, and fake smiles. You'd met this girl during internships and it took you a couple of weeks to make you feel uncomfortable around her, but you finished hating her when you realized how intent she seemed to be on embarrassing Spencer every chance she got. The fact that her father was a department head made it a bit difficult to deal with any situation. "Why do you care what she says?"

“She is… persistent”

"You know she only does it because she wants to get your attention, right?" you explained, a little fed up with the situation and how he was always affected by what others said about him.

It was clear that from the beginning she had her eye on the young man, and on those days, she would walk around the office and try to start a conversation with Spencer, which he never carried out. When she noticed that her attempts were useless, she began to make hurtful comments that became recurring as the months went by, since it was the only time when she could receive any kind of attention from the brown-haired man. Spencer frowned, quite confused by the situation when you told him that, since apparently he hadn't made the same account of the facts as you.

"What are you talking about?"

"She likes you" you insisted, as if it were something obvious, although it didn't seem so to him. You could almost see how the gears in his brain were struggling to find a degree of coherence between the events that he had been ignoring for a long time.

"Then why does she say such horrible things to me?"

“It's because…” you mumbled, closing the lid of your computer and looking for a way to explain to the boy. It was amazing how he was the most intelligent person you knew and at the same time he would come to you to ask such banal things like that "she is a stupid girl who has had everything in life and since she isn't capable of having an intelligent conversation with you, she thinks that being mean is going to get your attention. It's like those kids who pulled your hair in elementary school," you muttered, trying to present an analogy, but he didn't react in any way “She probably only told you that because she wanted to know if you have a girlfriend, not because she really believed it.”

Spencer took a moment to absorb that, wondering how that made sense, since for him the fact that you liked a person implied being kind and attentive, not behaving as Victoria did with him. But you had read the signs from the beginning and that was probably another reason for your dislike for your internship partner, who you thought was unworthy of being attracted to someone as cute as him. Although during high school he hadn't been the most sought after by girls, now he was quite handsome and that shy and polite attitude made him even more attractive, at least for you. Besides the fact that, of course, it was a genius who you were talking to.

"And why didn't she just ask?" he genuinely murmured and you couldn't help but giggle.

"I don't know, when we like a person, we do stupid things"

"Do you really think she likes me?"

"Of course, what reason would there be for her not to?" you mumbled and he just looked away, as he did most of the time, while he shrugged, which made you think that maybe this conversation was more serious than you imagined "Do you like her?"

"No! Definitely not” he said right away, as if he was offended “It just seems strange to me that you say that”

"Say what?"

"That someone likes me"

"Oh, please," you breathed, completely incredulous. "You're charming, Reid, I don't think she’s the only one who likes you”

"Do you think I'm charming?" he said, slightly skeptical. You loved his reaction to any compliment he received. 

"Sometimes" you lied. Actually, you thought he was charming all the time "Besides you're an FBI profiler, don't you detect that kind of thing in girls?"

"It's harder to analyze women than criminals," he argued, making you chuckle slightly.

Suddenly the report you had to make was forgotten and you wished you wanted to spend more time with him, although you didn't know if he would be willing to do the same. It was one thing to be together at work and another very different thing was that he wanted to be with you personally.

"Do you have anything in particular to do today?" you exclaimed cautiously, so the question allowed him to politely get rid of the invitation if he wanted to. You held back your urge to smile when he said no, attentive to what you had to say “Do you want to go to my apartment? If I'm still here I'm going to have a migraine and I think you should relax for a while too”

“Go to your apartment?” he asked, just to be sure, to which you nodded.

“Yeah, like… order some pizza, and… do you like wine? I have wine at home. And we can put on thrillers and see who can figure out who the killer is first”

"I would beat you"

"You think so, Reid?" you said, challenging his strange burst of confidence, and Spencer nodded playfully, a lock of hair falling over his forehead. "I'll buy you your week's coffee if you beat me" saying this, you knew full well you didn't stand a chance, but if a couple of dollars spent on coffee would get you a few extra hours with him, you were willing to accept that.

"It's a deal" he smiled and in less than ten minutes you were out of the offices.

As expected, you lost the game, but you couldn't say you ended the night disappointed. At first you didn't even know why you invited him, because outside of that neighborhood park in Las Vegas, you'd never spent any time alone. Spencer was all shy at first, always sitting up straight and hugging his briefcase, but when you broke the tension he relaxed considerably. The wine helped a bit because, although he confessed to you that he didn't drink often, you two ended up with a bottle of red that you had in the cupboard; not too much to lose consciousness, but enough to get gigglier. Even Spencer's ever-dapper outfit was thrown into disarray, as he'd loosened his tie and removed his vest to deal with the rise in body temperature the alcohol brought on. As promised you had pizza for dinner, which he refused to let you pay for, and in the process you put on some of the classic movies you found, according to google, making sure neither of you had seen them before. That night you were tempted to tell your partner that he could sleep over there if he wanted, but you had to say that a hint like that might make him uncomfortable. You didn't want to break the magic of the moment.

So the next morning you walked into the Quantico offices more energetic than usual, holding a couple of glasses of coffee on a tray.

"Good morning, Y/L/N" Morgan greeted you, as you approached the BAU work area, where Hotch and Elle were also present.

"Good morning, have you seen Spencer today?"

"I suppose he arrived, but I haven't seen him"

"I think he hid in the kitchen"

"Why do you ask?" muttered Morgan, who was probably the gossipiest of the three and also the most teasing. You knew, unfortunately, that if you didn't tell him, he would question Spencer, and you didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.

“I bought him a coffee. We made a bet last night and I'll be buying it all week"

"So you're trying to make him fall for you, huh" he exclaimed, completely ignoring your explanation, so you decided to play along.

"I think I'll need a few more months for that" judging by the man's laugh, you knew that the answer had satisfied him. You wondered if it bothered you that Spencer might misinterpret that joke as fact, but at the same time you wondered if it really was something that bothered you enough to deny it.

You walked down the aisle looking for the brown-haired boy and greeted a few people along the way, until, as if by divine grace, you looked at the man’s back and at the same time heard the click of heels, which you already knew quite well, going in the same direction.

"Spencer!" you called him before Victoria could tell him anything, and he turned with that awkwardness that characterized him showing a small smile when he noticed that it was you.

"Hello"

“You better not be making your coffee,” you murmured, getting close enough to hand her the cup you brought on the tray and making sure Victoria, who was making her own drink, would overhear the conversation. “I hope you like it. Sweet as you"

"Thank you," he replied, slightly embarrassed by the compliment you'd just paid him. He peered into the cup and frowned “Why did the barista write a heart next to my name?”

“It wasn't the barista, it was me”

It took Spencer a moment to sink the words in, and then he looked back at you with a confused expression.

"And why did you write a heart next to my name?"

You couldn't help but contain a laugh and Victoria, who had been attentive to the entire conversation, contained an angry sigh when she saw you extend your hand to the boy's bicep to give it a squeeze, taking the opportunity to get a little closer to him.

"I hope to repeat last night sometime" you muttered ignoring his question "I really had fun"

"Me too," he said, faster than you'd expect, and you smirked to notice that she was right next to him, her jaw clenching angrily. Without Reid realizing it, that talk could be completely interpreted as you've had a sexual affair, and not only that, but you were looking forward to it again.

"I'll see you around, right?"

"I think so" he replied. Spencer took a sip of the coffee you bought him, as if he'd just remembered it, and took a moment to savor it, closing his eyes in the process. You tried not to be distracted by the afterimage of him licking his lips. "I love it, what's with it?"

“Huh-uh, I won't tell you. If you want to drink it, you will have to ask me” you replied playfully. You thought that perhaps, at some point, he would become uncomfortable with your indiscreet flirtations, but when he smiled at you and looked away, you knew he was actually liking it. And if Spencer liked being fawned over, you weren't going to put up a fight.

"Thank you"

"It's nothing, doctor. Good luck on your day" you said goodbye, showing him the most beautiful smile you were capable of manifesting.

After that you made sure to look Victoria square in the eye as you left, confident that if she tried to say something rude to the profiler again you would confront her yourself and finally got lost. She looked at him, utterly offended, and then did the same, leaving behind the cup of coffee she was preparing to lock herself in the office and be grumpy all day. But Spencer didn't even notice any of it, as he was too busy looking closely at his heart in his cup to get any idea of what it might mean.

[sulfursmells]

Interning: Changbin

Being a seat wasn’t exactly what I thought I was going to be doing when I applied for an internship. I needed an internship to finally graduate and I thought it would be a good opportunity to see my fav idols stz. You know two birds on stone. Never did I think I would be staring at the muscular jeans clad ass of Changbin descending on my face. The life of an intern

Isn’t an easy one, meaningless tasks good runs whatever you could name but today was something else. Everyday i would get greeted to the boys chilling together in the living room, but today was different. Instead of the all nine boys chilling and joking together, instead I was greeted to Changbin legs spread open on the couch. Before I could say good morning a vulgar smell hit me like a truck, causing a slight cough to be heard.

“Ahh I see you get a taste of my morning brew”

You hear Changbin saying while you regain your composure. Changbin looks at you from across to room raises a leg

BBRRRPPPPTTTTTTTTT

A long bassy rip came out, you thought the house shook but you were still reeling back from the initial smell.

“Whew I’m deadly today!” Changbin says giddy like a school girl. You walk up the stairs coughing the entire way. The horrid smell filling the house. You’re met with the rest of the boys coughing and covering their noses. Everyone except bangchan who sat there laughing at the entire situation. Chan, “Come on boys, if you can’t handle this we’ll practice at the studio” You sight with relief, big mistake. You look up seeing the round moons of Bangchan in your face ripping a fart that would give a sewer a run for its money. After coughing and retching from the smell you meet the gaze of bangchan bending down so you both are face to face.

“I have a special job for you.” He says as he guides you with his hand on your back. You both walk down the way towards the steps.

“Your job is right there.” Bangchan points to Changbins lying on his stomach as another burst of hot air makes a loud escape. You look back up at bangchan disgusted.

“The boys and manager are complaining about changs emissions. I think it’s funny but we do have a job to do so you’re going to be his little fart filter for the day.” Chan says. You try to refuse but Chan pushes you closer. Chang waving his hand behind his ass, the closer you get the stronger the need to cough gets. Your eyes watering as you are face to ass with Changbin mid fart blowing your hair back a bit.

“phew nice one, right!” You look up to see Chan looking back at you. He grunts, Chang holding you against his ass. No sound heard but your world goes dark. You open your eyes not in the house, but your not sure where exactly you are. Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of traffic and the constant shifting weight on your head. Moving the mass above you wasn’t an option as it weighed too much.

PPPPRRRRTTTTTTTT

I know that smell anywhere. A smell that makes your brain feel like it’s melting. What little space your nose had filled with the smell of decay. You react by trashing trying to get him off of you but nothing works. “Quiet down” is the last thing you hear before everything goes dark again.

You wake up again. This time in a practice room. The song of the members practicing for the next music video. You wanted to enjoy the song but your blaring headache and fart seared nose made it impossible. As the song nears its end you regained a bit of your composure and watched as the group hit a final pose. They all celebrated, high fiving and laughing.You closed your eyes for a second the only moment of peace you’ve had all day. Once you opened them, the Jean clad ass of Changbin is ripping one of his vile farts in your face. Sending you into another coughing fit.

“How do you still have more?” you ask through your coughs.

“Protein”

BBBBBBRRRRPPPPTPPTTTTTTT

“It does a body good.” Chang says laughing while the other members start to move towards the exit. Chang aims his ass at his group mates giving them a view of how much his ass has grown. “Get used to it guys” Chang says and then grunts.

What followed was one of the most powerful farts you’ve have ever heard and smelled. You swore you saw some of their clothes bellow from the force coming out of Changs ass. Felix falling to the floor unconscious from the putrid gale. The remaining members race out of the room, Bangchan carry Felix over his shoulder giving Changbin a thumbs up as they all exit the room.

“Well these pants are forever ruined.” Chang says taking off his jeans leaving you shocked. He fat as muscular cheeks pouring out of his jeans, leaving you stunned at how big and round they were. Takes a sniff of his jeans and gags. The smell in the room intensify as the only barrier shield you from his musk was removed.

“Where .. where is your underwear?” You ask nervously gagging after every breath.

He walks over and grabs you by the back of the head looking over his shoulder. “I gotta let the boys breathe” he says as your head vanished between his cheeks. You head woozy the musk invading your senses, struggling not to pass out again. Your nose touching his hole, face covered in his ass sweat. You hear a gurgle from above “Ehh, I’m going to get reprimanded for this one. Well better out than in.” A strong gust showers whatever dry spots were left of your face with his sweat. Your ears ringing from the bass of the blast as your face is propelled out of hit ass. You hit the floor with a thud knocked out. The stench of his ass forever imprinted on your body.

Chang looking over his shoulder snickering to himself. “You can have these as a reminder of what I’m capable of.” He takes a whiff of your hair, “though I guess you don’t need it.” He throws his fart stained jeans on top of you and walks out the room leaving you one more farewell fart that makes sure you wouldn’t wake up until the next day.

[elixirfromthestars]

A Rainy Rendezvous

Pairing: Steve Rogers x CIA!Reader

Summary: On a rainy night during a mission in Poland, you "bump into" someone who held a very important place in your heart in the past.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warning(s): brief mentions of CIA operatives / a bit of angst / a sprinkle of fluff / the one that got away vibes / mentions of being followed / mentions of a gun / stays within the marvel guidelines of action + fighting

requested by @espinosaurusrexex

a/n: Hello everyone! ❤️ Thank you for being so patient with me on these requests! ❤️❤️ Life has been very hectic lately between starting an internship, being a senior in college, and my dog passing away...it's been a lot. 💔 I’ve mentioned this before, but many of the requests are close to being done. I only have a few final touches and edits to add, so look forward to that in these upcoming weeks! ✨

sequel drabble 🤎 // birthday bingo masterlist 🤎 // main masterlist 🤎

“ I’ll check out the other location tomorrow. For now, I’m calling it a night,” you hung up the call, the simple click relieving some of the tension in your shoulders. Most days as an agent were tedious, but today had been another extreme of it entirely. Your informant double-crossed you, causing your undercover identity to be potentially compromised. 

You spent the majority of the day chasing dead-end leads as to where your informant had gone to hide away. The soles of your feet ached and the rainy chill of the night was bringing in no added comfort. You buttoned up your denim jacket, stopping the icy wind from seeping itself further into your chest.

You walked the unfamiliar streets of Kraków in the general direction of the hotel you had been stationed in. As exhausted as you were, it was your first time in Poland and it was small opportunities like this one where you could take in the beauty of the countries you worked in.

After your wasted efforts of the day, you weren’t going to waste a second of this.

You weren’t alone on your nightly stroll. Locals and tourists alike bustled about, enjoying what the city had to offer—despite the weather. 

You passed by multiple local businesses and restaurants before stopping at one of the stalls near St. Mary’s Basilica. An elderly couple was selling braided bread and mulled wine. Your Polish needed some work, but you knew enough to keep up in conversation with the couple. 

Their presence was the right kind of warmth for a night like this. They bickered in a way only old married couples did. The kind of back-and-forth friendly matches you can only have with the love of your life. Little simplistic arguments ending in tight hugs and peppered kisses.

They reminded you of the time you had loved so intensely to the point of considering—for the first time in your life—growing old with someone. You pushed the memories away, deciding there was no need to revisit ghosts from the past. You could do that at some other time. 

You excused yourself, taking your bread and mulled wine, and continued your route in the opposite direction of where your hotel was located. The saltiness of the bread dissolved on your tongue while the mulled wine left you in delightful confusion as you tried to decipher the ingredients within it. There were hints of apple cider, cinnamon, and a citrusy fruit. 

You decided to enjoy your treats and what you had left of this peaceful night while you still could. 

In your field of work, being on high alert every second of an operation is crucial. In many instances, it could mean life or death for any of the parties involved. The best agents in the organization could detect danger from the most peculiar places. 

You were one of them.

You realized you were being followed the moment you stepped into St.Mary’s Basilica. Within the shadows of the night, there was one in particular that stayed trained on you. Since the uncertainties arose over whether or not your undercover identity had been compromised, the person following you could be anyone. 

As to not raise suspicion, you kept your pace the same and continued to savor your treats as if you were any other tourist. Internally, your alarms were ringing and you were trying to locate the best place to have an advantage over your pursuer, so you wouldn’t end up being cornered by them in case a confrontation occurred. 

The rain was only but a drizzle now, and the moon was high in the sky. The more you walked the fewer people there were around you. Many of the businesses you had passed earlier were now closed and you realized it was likely you might end up in a position where you were left alone in the night with the mysterious stranger hot on your trail.

This stranger was now using the roofs of the buildings across the street to continue his pursuit of you. You had to admit that was clever of him and if you had been any other agent you might not have noticed.

Your only option now was to go on the offense before the man—you had concluded was a man from his broad silhouette—ever got a chance to.

You discarded the remnants of your Polish delicacies in a nearby trashcan before dashing over to the other street, underneath the building the stranger was standing on. You knew he could either maneuver his way to the tops of the buildings on the other side of the street or decide to meet you at the bottom.

You were hoping he would meet you at the bottom. 

The building you had run to had an intricate pathway aligned with arches all across it. You used the columns of the arches to make your way to the side of the building where you would be able to get a better view of which direction the man would decide to go. If you used the shadows from the columns made by the city lights and the moon, you would be able to sneak up on the man and have the upper hand. 

  Of course, the gun hidden on the inside of your jacket would help with that as well.

You bent down and angled your body so you had a clear view of the street while still keeping yourself hidden. Adrenaline began to make its way through your body giving you the added energy you would need in the fight. 

You concentrated on the noises around you, causing you to pick up on incoming footsteps. They were light, letting you know this person must be highly trained for them to know how to mask their steps. If it weren’t for the sporadic puddles on the ground from the rain, you might not have heard them. 

You weren’t sure what organization you were dealing with, but you knew you had to be as careful and calculated as you could. Due to the possibility of your undercover identity being compromised, the person after you could be from one of many organizations you had crossed in the past.

The steps were inching closer, and yet, there was no sign of the man. You could have sworn you chose the best location to spot him, but it seems you were mistaken. Your only choice now was to concentrate on the direction his footsteps resounded from and pinpoint his location with that. 

From the sound of it, he was just to the left of you and merely a few feet away. With every inching step he took, you realized it was now or never to act. 

“ Don’t move any closer! Identify yourself!” You sprung up, pointing your gun directly at the man. He was using the shadows of the night to hide himself as he approached you, so it was difficult to distinguish his features from where you stood. 

The man froze, his hands slowly raising to a peaceful stance, “ I figured I shouldn’t have snuck up on you, Y/n.” You faltered for a second at the sound of his voice and your name dropping from his lips. It was as familiar as a déjà vu was. In your heart, there was a memory of it and yet you couldn’t pinpoint when was the last time you had heard it. 

Perhaps it might have been when he broke your heart. 

Or maybe when you had broken his. 

“Steve?” His name dropped from your lips in a whisper. A part of you thought you were losing it. Had you been so lonely these last couple of years that you were now projecting your last lover onto random strangers? 

The man stepped into the light confirming what your heart already knew. The man who had been hiding in the shadows and following you was your ex-boyfriend Steve Rogers. Although, this Steve in front of you was foreign to you.

He had grown out his beard and his hair, which was now a darker shade of blonde than you remembered. From what you could see, his face and hands were adorned with new scars and scratches untouched by your hands. There was also a gloominess behind his blue eyes he couldn’t hide away.

He dawned on a black leather jacket as opposed to the brown leather one you were used to. You had borrowed that jacket many times in the past as it became a comfort to you whenever he was away on a mission. It always smelled of his sandalwood aftershave and the smoky bergamot cologne you had given him on the first Christmas you spent together. 

It became his signature scent and you loved it.

However, the Steve in front of you resembled nothing of the Steve you once loved. How much had his life changed in the years since the two of you broke up? How much had it changed him? 

“ Hey…it's been a while,” he spoke up cautiously, glancing over at the weapon in your hand before looking into your eyes. You lowered it slowly, feeling as though you were in a dream, “ Yeah, it has. Last I heard you were in big trouble with the United Nations. Technically, I should be arresting you right now.” You said the last part in a playful tone hoping to ease the tension between you.

The night seemed to have gotten colder ever since he stepped in front of you. 

Thankfully, easing into things was the right call as a small smile appeared on his lips, “ Technically, you're right, but you would have to catch me first,” he pointed out. 

“ Oh, that would definitely not be a problem,” you boasted. 

“ Half of the Avengers tried and failed,” he informed you, holding back what looked like a somber yet smug expression.  

“ Yeah, but I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve not even Tony would think of,” you stated confidently, placing your gun back into a pocket on the inside of your jacket. Now that you no longer needed it, you didn’t want it to hinder the pleasant mood that was now finding its place between you. 

“ I’m sure you do,” he responded, a fond look adorning his features. You were sure you had a similar expression, as you ruminated on past memories of playful exchanges with Steve. Many ended in far more romantic exchanges than this conversation would.

Getting past what once was, you needed your curiosity satisfied,“ What brings you to Poland anyway? And why were you following me? I don’t know how they did it in the 1940s, but in modern times we use a thing called a cellphone when we want to contact an ex,” you teased. 

He laughed at that, a sound you recognized all too well. It made you realize that although the Steve in front of you was different, you still knew him. Deep down he still had to be the man you had fallen in love with. 

There was a conflict of emotions stirring within your heart as a result.

“ Okay, I get it. Like I said, I shouldn’t have snuck up on you. I just thought you wouldn’t want to see me,” he confessed before continuing, “ Those of us who didn’t sign the Sokovia Accords are on the run. We’ve been moving to a new city every few weeks. Right now we’ve been stationed in Kraków for two and are relocating to Tarnów next week. Sam told me you were on a C.I.A. mission here and I had to come see you before we left,” he admitted, scratching the back of his head in a sheepish manner. 

You couldn’t blame him for coming to see you. At this point, you would have to hold yourself back from “bumping into him” in Tarnów. 

 “ Sam told you? How did he know?” You asked, still not seeing the full picture. Steve cleared his throat before speaking, “ Vision was a big help with that. Between him and Sam, they were able to rework an old laptop to pick up on different signals and monitor specific ones we chose. It was by chance he picked up on a phone call you were having with an agent named Clarke a few days ago,” he explained, causing your confusion to dissipate and in its place discomfort made a home.

Knowing that what Steve said was true, that meant that Sam and Steve had heard the very awkward and uncomfortable conversation you had with your mission partner Agent Clarke a few days ago. 

Clarke had taken an interest in you ever since you were first partnered up on a mission a few months back. You never had taken a similar interest in him and always kept things professional. Unfortunately for you, this caused Clarke to think you were “playing hard to get” and this ensued a plethora of attempts to charm you.

His latest attempt was a few days ago where he insisted on your undercover identities being a newly wedded couple having their honeymoon across Europe. You politely declined and were grateful your mission supervisor disagreed with the idea as well. The conversation was overall uncomfortable and to outsiders it could have insinuated there was something going on between you and Clarke. 

The outsiders in question here, unfortunately, were Steve, Sam, and anyone else in their group who had heard the conversation. You were mortified, to say the least.

“ Oh, you heard that? About that…,” you trailed off not knowing where to start. 

Steve shook his head,“ You don’t need to explain anything. I get it. You moved on and you have every right to. This whole moving on thing, I just—I still feel like I’m stuck in time sometimes and I can’t help revisiting the past,” he stated sincerely, his eyes wandering to the ground. He frowned at it, searching for something else to say.

At the same time, his statements had brought you out of your embarrassment long enough to register what he had said. 

“ Surely you’ve moved on?” You asked him, not comprehending if you had interpreted what he said correctly. 

It took him a moment before he got the courage to lock eyes with you,“ Have you?” 

You paused, not having a straight answer to his question. Before meeting him today to anyone else you would have said you had—even if deep down you knew it wasn’t the whole truth.

You broke up with him months before the whole Ultron disaster and since then you haven’t looked at another man with romantic intentions. 

You couldn’t count that as moving on. 

Your mouth parted, but no words came out. You were still unsure of what to say. Your heart was jumping out of your chest trying to answer for you and the look he was giving you was making it impossible not to give in and let it. He was pleading with his eyes, a hopeful shimmer that maybe somewhere within you there were still feelings for him lying dormant waiting to be awakened. 

His gaze made it difficult for you to think, so you averted his eyes and looked down at a slightly large puddle on the ground. It was the only thing separating the two of you, with both of your reflections lying inside of it. You stared at the reflections, hoping to collect your thoughts better this way. 

You could see him shuffling uncomfortably through the reflection,“ I think a part of me always knew you had. I should’ve known when you didn’t respond to any of my letters,” he continued, taking your body language as confirmation you had moved on. 

At his revelation, your eyes shot up and locked on him, “ You wrote me letters?” 

He looked taken aback by your surprised expression, “ I did. Every month for a year after we broke up. There was a lot I still had left to say—and that I wanted to say to you. When I didn’t get a reply back I assumed you wanted nothing to do with me,” he admitted, his expression softening. 

You were gutted at the mental image of Steve waiting nervously to hear back from you only to receive silence in return. You spiraled at the thought of what could have been if you had read just one of those letters. Truthfully, your breakup with Steve was unwanted on both ends. However, due to the pressure and demands both of your professions required of you, you grew apart. 

For months, you were lucky to catch a glimpse of each other on the weekends before receiving your next mission or task. Evil didn’t stop, so the good guys couldn’t either—and the Avengers took up almost all of Steve’s time. The loneliness of the constant nights alone waiting for your boyfriend to come home became too much for you.

So much so, that you ended things when loneliness turned into resentment. There was only so much the mind could understand before the heart took over. 

You boiled it down to right person, wrong time. 

“ I never got them,” you finally spoke up, “ If I had, Steve, I promise I would have called you. Right after we broke up I was stationed in London for a year and I rented out my apartment to a young couple. They never told me of any letters,” you explained, feeling betrayed by fate and your tenants. 

Steve gave a chuckle, one laced with disbelief at the situation, “ No, it's on me. Letters are kind of old school, aren’t they? I should’ve picked up the phone and called you.” He shouldered the responsibility, something only Steve would feel the need to do. 

You disagreed, shaking your head at him,“ The phone works both ways, so it's on me too. And I like old school. There’s a charm to it you can’t find anywhere else.” 

You hoped the deeper meaning of what you said would get across for Steve to understand. 

It seems it did, as a comfortable silence fell between you. You stared at one another, searching for your past selves in each other's eyes. There were so many questions and things left unsaid that were waiting to be discussed.

You were eager for him to confess to you everything that was written in the letters and he was just as eager to hear your response to all those unanswered questions he had sent you more than a year ago. 

As neither of you could decide who would get the conversation started, fate decided to intervene once more. However, fate this time went by the name of Sam and his little bird-like drone Redwing.

When you spotted it approaching you, your hand instinctively placed itself on top of the gun hiding on the inside of your jacket. Upon seeing your reaction, Steve bolted over to you and placed himself in front of you as protection. The action caused your heart to flutter.

As soon as Steve spotted Redwing, his guard went down. 

“ Don’t worry about the drone, it’s Sam’s. I think that’s his way of telling me I need to be heading back,” he informed you, your guard dropping as well at the explanation. 

“ I should be heading back too. I have a lot of investigating to do in the morning,” you pointed out. 

“ Want me to walk you back?” Steve asked you in a way that gave you full control over the decision. 

As much as you wanted him to, you had to decline, “ I want to say yes, but you can’t. The hotel I’m staying at is heavily monitored and you're on the run. It would be too risky. It’s safer for you and your group if you don’t go anywhere near it.” You were disappointed at the reality of the situation and from the look on Steve’s face so was he. 

“ I figured, but I still wanted to ask,” he took a step back, making you realize how close you two had gotten when he rushed over to protect you. There was no longer a large puddle of water in between, and if you reached your hand out you would be able to touch him. 

“ Steve, that old laptop can track down any signal right?” 

“ From what I understood, yes. Why?” 

“ Well you have mine now, so I’m counting on you to keep in touch,” you let him know before planting a quick goodbye kiss on his cheek. His beard was scratchy against your lips, but you were surprised to find out you didn’t mind it.

He was stunned for a moment before a grin quickly replaced it. 

“ I will. I promise,” the sincerity in his tone and expression was all you needed to walk away knowing the story wouldn’t end there. 

“ Goodnight, Steve.” 

“ Goodnight, Y/n.”

How lovely it was to hear those words again.

The next day a package was delivered to your hotel room containing a burner phone inside and a note that read: 

I always keep my promises. :) 

The phone contained only one number on the contact list you soon found out belonged to Steve. Throughout the course of the next two weeks in Poland, you spent every night talking on the phone with him. 

You both poured your heart out to one another. Your losses, your fears, your hopes, and any other topic that came to mind. There was so much to catch the other up on that there were never enough hours in the night to get through it all. 

With every conversation, the connection you once had was slowly building itself again. A little over two years had gone by since your breakup and the people you had become since then were getting to know each other once more. 

Maybe now the timing was finally right. 

[mr-dark-1amao]

Arlecchino sneezing fire because why not? Maybe she is allergic to something near to her, but even in that situation tries to be profesional (knowing her sneezes are more loud than that).

I take this opportunity to let you know that I will not be very active, I have commissions to do and at the same time I started doing internships, which along with studies my time is more limited. For those who accepted your commissions, don't worry, this message is more for casual people who usually visit my content on this social network, I hope you understand me, thank you very much.

[the-spicy-release-of-death]

Fine Arts

Pairings: Aemond Targaryen x reader, Cregan Stark x reader, Helaena Targaryen x reader (best friend), Aegon Targaryen x reader (platonic) Rhaena Targaryen x reader (platonic), Baela Targaryen (platonic) 

Tropes: Jealousy, mutual pining, alternate universe (modern university setting), She/her reader

Summary: Y/n always had a crush on Aemond. Her close friendship with Helaena stopped her from crossing the fine line of friendship with Aemond, who silently returns her feelings.

“It’s taking forever!” Aegon whined, ducking as Helaena threw a handful of glitter in his direction.

“Oh hush!” Helaena shot him a smile through the cloud of sparkles. “You’re the one that agreed to help.”

“And to think, Floris Baratheon asked me to tutor her in Westerosi Colonisation.”

Your paintbrush halted in its movement, an unfinished letter etched in red against the white poster. You looked up to meet his lilac eyes.

“You’re failing that class,” You pointed out casually, to which the blond man nodded in response. 

“I am,” He agreed, a smirk pulling at his lips. “She wants me.”

Groans in unison were smothered by Aegon’s obnoxious laugh. You shared a look with Helaena, your eyes rolling back before landing upon your projects. 

Monday. The day was warm; the group decided to sit behind the baseball field as you usually did, on a picnic table surrounded by trees. This was the ideal spot outdoors on campus, in your opinion. The baseball players were always such a sight, despite the game being boring enough to be background to your daily shenanigans.

Helaena had asked the group to help her make posters for her activism club’s newest cause: The Mexican Cartel’s threat to Monarch Butterflies. Rhaena and Baela hoped on to the opportunity to do something creative for once. The girls were in finance programs, which made such opportunities rare. Aegon only agreed because he’d have an excuse to talk to Helaena’s hot activist friend – who coincidentally fell sick. You wanted to help your best friend.

The whole group was there – except Aemond. He was probably late, it was easily brushed off. His internship at his father’s company was taking up most of his time anyways.

Your gaze drifted off dreamily towards the field as a bat struck loudly. You watched as Cregan ran to first base.

“I really should answer his dms,” You mumbled to yourself in thought. 

“Cole?” Aegon inquired.

“Jace?” Baela suggested in turn.

“Larys?” Rhaena offered, prompting everyone’s laughter. 

“As if. That creep only messages our dear Y/n for feet pics. She definitely means Cregan.” Helaena shook her head dejectedly, almost in disappointment.

“Ding ding ding!” You grinned awkwardly, your eyes shooting to hers, as she retreated her attention back to her painting of a monarch butterfly. You paused, wondering if you should ask her what prompted this change in attitude. You cleared your throat, shifting your gaze towards the field. You watched as Cregan stretched, showing off his muscles for everyone to see. “He’s so cocky it’s infuriating. Ugh, I so regret not answering that ‘you up?’ text.”

“Please! It’s not like you don’t receive one ever other night…” Helaena mumbled, causing Aegon to drop his paintbrush dramatically, splashing everyone with red paint. Collective groans were suppressed by his enthusiasm, as he wrapped an arm around your neck and brought your heads closer in a near collision.

“Hey, hey, hey! No. We do not slut shame in this group!” Aegon said proudly, tutting away his sisters attempts at clearing the misunderstanding. You waved her worries away with a roll off your eyes; Aegon was just being dramatic. “Besides, it’s not like Y/n ever answers those texts.”

“How would you know?” You ask, almost indignantly.

“Look at how tense you are!” Aegon unwrapped his arm, his hand remaining on your shoulder as his eyes surveyed you. He then turned you to look at Rhaena and Baela. “Look at them! They don’t look tense at all; I guess their boyfriends are good at what they do.” 

Before the twins could object, or consider if they even wanted to object, Aegon turned you once more to look at Helaena. “Now look at Hel: she looks so tense it looks like she has a metal rod up her-“

“-Hey!” Helaena threw her paintbrush at Aegon who pulled you with him down to duck the makeshift missile. An ungodly shriek escaped you as you landed on your ass, Aegon seizing at your side in a fit off giggles. You punched the blond man in the shoulder in annoyance, your eyes falling to your raised skirt. Red flew to your cheeks as your hands darted to straighten the material over your thighs appropriately.  

“I swear to the Gods, Aegon, if Cregan saw my granny panties, I would never be able to live it down!”

“Don’t you have anything nicer? Even I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-foot pole,” Aegon remained lying on the grass, leaning against his forearm as he gave you a suggestive once over. 

“It’s laundry day!” You stammered, your face flushing crimson in embarrassment. “I wouldn’t wear these panties- Wait, let’s just stop talking about my panties, okay! Can we just stop saying the word panties?”

A handful of flutteringly impatient fingers appeared in your field of vision, offering a helping hand to stand. Your hand instinctively clasped around it, allowing yourself to be pulled up. Your brain slowly caught up to your movements as you registered who your eyes fell upon. Your gaze slowly followed up the leather jacket clad arm, to the curve of a strong shoulder, to finally meet Aemond’s lilac gaze. 

Well shit.

“You’re the one that keeps saying it,” He commented, as he effortlessly brought you to stand. He nodded to everyone’s greeting, before looking down at his brother who was laying on the grass leisurely.

You immediately smoothed out your skirt, made sure it was covering all the appropriate areas, before returning to your seat in a huff. Baela playfully knocked your shoulder with hers as you resumed painting the letters on the cart board.

“No matter how much I hate to admit it, Aegon is right.”

“He is?” You asked, your brows rising in astonishment.

“I am?” He too, seemed equally surprised. He quickly rose to his feet, dusted off his clothes before arrogantly returning to his seat between you and Helaena, closest to his sister so his brother would have room to join you. 

Aemond picked up the discarded paintbrush, returning it to Helaena, who whispered a thanks.

“Aegon is right about what?” Aemond asked as he sat besides you, the leather of his jacket brushing against the wool off your knitted sweater. 

“That’s what I want to know,” You replied, ignoring the shiver that ran up your spine at Aemond’s proximity. There was something about that man; despite him being your friend and your best friend’s brother which made him off limits, it equally made him as enticing.  You suppressed a sigh as his cologne made its way up your nose, shifting your attention to their cousin Baela. 

“Okay don’t stone me for saying this, but you should get laid!” 

Your jaw dropped at her words, before laughing loudly, your head hanging back. You almost didn’t feel the way Aemond stiffened at your side, and you were oblivious to the look Helaena shot him. Your attention was pulled by Aegon who pointed in your direction, a massive smirk etched into his features.

“You see! I told you!”

“Alright!” You conceded, your hands rising in the air. You bumped Baela’s shoulder with a wink. “I’ll consider it, after midterms this week.”

“Just in time for Lannister Hall's Halloween Party…” Aegon grinned wickedly, all but rubbing his paint-stained hands maliciously. “You guys know what I’m thinking?”

“We need to go costume shopping!” Rhaena’s eyes sparkled in excitement, her hands flying to Helaena and Baela’s wrists. “Are we thinking group costumes?”

“Count me out,” Aemond said automatically, everyone booed him, but you.

“I wanted to go as Sally!” You pouted, not having planned for such an outcome.

“Sally?” Helaena frowned, scratching her head as if she was digging deep to figure out who you were talking about.   

“You know, from Nightmare Before Christmas?” 

The girls awed in approval.

“Hmm.” Aemond hummed, bringing his loose blond hair over his ear. It was so silky and long, you felt jealousy course through you. You were pulled from your thoughts as he continued. “Like Jack and Sally.”

“Yes, exactly!” You smiled.

“Oh, like the Blink-182 song!” Aegon nodded in understanding, clearly having never seen the movie. Helaena swatted him over the head as Baela and Rhaena called him uncultured. You rolled my eyes as you finished transcribing the slogan onto the poster. 

‘Save the monarchs and avocado producers from the Mexican Cartel!’

“What a mouthful…” You mumbled, prompting snickers to rise around the picnic table. 

“That’s what she said,” Aegon naturally retorted. 

“Maybe add some avocados around it! That’ll get people’s attentions,” Helaena proposed. You nodded, dipping your paintbrush into the water can. You twirled it into the water until the tip was clean.   

“Anyways, group costumes anyone?” Aegon reiterated.

“Well, we’re six…” Helaena began, Aemond swift to cut in.

“Five.”

“Four!” You raised your hand in agreement; you already had a costume. 

“Three, two, one!” Baela jumped in, bringing your hand down. 

“Enough with the shenanigans. It’s a wonder we ever get anything done.” Aemond sighed aggravatedly as the flimsy bottle of glitter opened between his fingers. The sparkles went everywhere, sticking to his black leather jacket and clinging to his hands. He ran a hand through his hair in annoyance.

“You have glitter in your hair,” You stated, looking up to meet his gaze at your side. His eyes flew away to his sister, who nodded slowly, as if trying not to laugh. Aemond flushed in anger as Aegon burst out laughing. “It’s okay, Aemond. You look good. Like a shiny vampire in Twilight.” 

Snickers followed your teasing words. Aemond rolled his eyes, a flush staining on his cheeks. 

“Guys, focus!” Rhaena called you all to order. “You’re all forgetting that there’s two big Halloween Parties happening this weekend: Lannister Hall’s on Saturday and Baratheon Hall’s on Friday. Officially, the October 31st is Saturday, so makes sense that Lannister’s will be bigger, but they're both costume parties.”

“We can do both!” You then agreed. It was settled. 

“Not happening,” Aemond remained firm on his stance.

“Oh, my gods, Y/n,” Rhaena whispered hurriedly. You looked up from your painted avocados, meeting her and Helaena’s wide eyes. 

“Hm?” 

Aegon nodded his head to look behind you; you turned, everyone turned their attention as three of the baseball players jogged your way.  Cregan, Jace, and Criston. Aemond stiffened at your side.

It was almost as if Cregan’s slow paced run was intentional, letting the wind run through his hair. Your eyes followed as he strode up to your picnic table, the baseball bat in his hand rising to rest over his shoulders, showing off his glorious biceps. 

“Hey guys,” He briefly glanced around the table before landing his gaze on you. “Hey Y/n!”

“Hey Cregan,” You raised a brow curiously, nodding your head towards Jace who approached his cousins inquiring about the project, and then to Criston who fist bumped Aemond. Cregan soon captured your attention with his bright smile. 

“I couldn’t help but notice your nasty fall earlier. Hope you didn’t hurt yourself too bad.” 

Your eyes widened in embarrassment, face flushing, quickly shooting Aegon an ‘I-will-smite-you-where-you-stand’ glare. He poked his tongue out at you. You flipped him off before returning your attention to Cregan. 

“It hurt my pride more than anything,” You conceded with a small smile, swallowing your embarrassment. Cregan laughed at your words before bringing down the bat at his side, his free hand rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Are you going to Lannister’s party on Saturday?”

“Yeah,” You agreed, a smile gracing your lips. Maybe you did need to get laid. “You?”

“Yeah. What are you going as?”

“We’re doing a group costume,” Aemond cut in, making you look up at him uncertainly. You tilted your head curiously, knowing damn well Aemond hated the idea of matching costumes. 

“We are,” You confirmed, shifting your attention back towards Cregan. 

“Cool. I’ll see each other there.”

“I’ll see you there!” You shot him one more grin before the baseball players ran back to the field to practice. You turned back in your seat, avoiding the temptation of analysing Aemond’s features in curiosity.

“So, group costumes?”

would you like to continue?

[deathlieteez]

to be his, chapter 1. the night we met

woosan + yunho x reader

♡ to be his series' masterlist ♡

chapter 1. the night we met: as you remember the night you met wooyoung with a drink in your hand and the certainty that he was cheating on you, someone appears in front of you with the intention of making your night a lot more interesting.

pairing: wooyoung x fembod!reader

appears: wooyoung as ur boyfriend + san as yeosang's friend + yeosang as ur and wooyo friend

genre: angst, a bit of comfort, romance. college au.

warning: alcohol, cheating. tbh the first one is softttt there's anything to worry about (just give me some time)

word count: 3.8k

intentional use of lowercase letter

english is not my mother tongue

it is not meant to be representative of jeong yunho's personality or any ateez or another groups' idols who appeared ♡

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ ♡ ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

kim hyunseo was the most stunning girl you had ever seen in your life. she had endless legs, a tiny waist, and tits that you weren't sure were physically possible in such a slim body. she was also gorgeous, and to top it off, was smart and friendly, with those big brown eyes that gave you a warm welcome every time she saw you coming, as if she was really happy to see you. and as if that weren't enough, she came from a wealthy family, but she was a self-made woman who had paid her own way through school and was now working as a lawyer in the same fucking super popular, expensive and prestigious law firm as your boyfriend. and you? well, you worked part-time at a convenience store near your college, which was arts. a nice vocation, sure, but not like you had many job opportunities, to be honest. you hated to admit that felt in constant competition with her, mostly because she was better than you at everything and crushed your confidence to the ground. you couldn't even stand to hear her name, which sucked because your dearest boyfriend had it in his fucking mouth all fucking day.

hyunnie this, hyunnie that, hyunnie, hyunnie, hyunnie. fuck you, hyunnie.

well, wished you could at least hate her, but there wasn't even the slightest hint of rejection towards her in you, not when she was always so overly nice to you.

every time wooyoung had a dinner or company party, that girl made sure to stay by your side all night because she knew your boyfriend too well and he had a tendency to over socialize, over drink and over give himself into the night. she sent you lovely messages on your birthday and even invited you to the mall a couple of times to go shopping together. how could you compete with such white teeth, warm heart and a face that looked like it had just come out of vogue?

you didn't know when the two of them had become friends, only that one day her name appeared five times in the same minute on the screen of his phone, he smiled and you had to ask who she was. you're going to love her. she's incredible.

oh, damn great. so a hottie from his internship is amazing and you are going to love her.

how could it have been two years since that moment? no idea either, but somehow wooyoung had managed to convince you: hyunseo was nothing to worry about because they were just friends and all the closeness and connection they seemed to share was a product of a beautiful friendship.

well, you had agreed to take it, so now you had nothing to complain about. because you didn't want to be a toxic girlfriend and scare away the fucking love of your life. because you loved jung wooyoung since you first met him.

the funny thing is, you met him at a time in your life when the only thing you liked was kang yeosang. your biggest crush ever and your neighbor. it's not that you were a weirdo who used to spy on her neighbor through the window, it's that you were a teenager who spent most of her life studying and in music bands. what about your friends? pretty much the same. thinking that there was no guy in the world who could surpass your favorite artist, and that guys in high school are naturally assholes, you had no choice but to become obsessed with kang yeosang.

he was perfect, from head to toe. the ideal main character for the stories you made up in your head just before you went to sleep, and which were the most interesting things that happened in your life as a perfectly good student. and it was a little frustrating, but fine. you didn't want to get involved with anyone, just to have a good future, where you wouldn't have to depend on anyone but yourself, and could enjoy all the things you loved so much, and which at that moment you had neither money nor time to see or do.

however, everything changed the last summer before you left for college.

maybe it was your hormones or that you had been consuming too many teen movies from the late nineties and the twenties, but your head was torturing you with all the things you had probably missed out on during your teenage years. the concept that study to earn a future was serious and clear, but college was on another fucking level. and if it wasn't at that time when you were living all those things that were so wrong, when would you do them?

parties, sex, alcohol, friends, drugs? well, maybe not drugs but definitely sex sounded great. and it looked even better. that's what you thought when you saw kang yeosang as you contemplated all your life decisions sitting in your window frame. yeosang, who was already in his first year at the art college you yourself were eager to attend - maybe a little influenced by the idea that he would be there - was walking out the side kitchen window of his house, which faced yours.

all those ideas that lately distracted you from studying for your last exam before graduating hit again, and almost drowned in the desire to go with him. so much that you considered stopping him in one fucking hop and force him to take you wherever he went - that, in fact, looked like he shouldn't be. but, making use of your worked mettle and control, instead of your whole body you opted to throw a little ball of paper at him.

"yeo!" it was a whisper, but a loud whisper. something useless to not to disturb the sleeping people, but enough to get his attention.

your relationship with yeosang was, to say something, plain. you were neighbors and he knew you existed, but that's where it ended. considering your quiet life, it was already a success that he would greet you in the street when passed by. but yeosang spent the whole last year at the university and you hardly saw him anymore, so the "relationship" you had was even more non-existent. and that led you to two conclusions: first, that it sucked; second, that you had almost nothing to lose. if he turned you down and made a fool of yourself, you wouldn't have to see him. wouldn't be practically neighbors and the university was too big… could even consider going to another one. but if you succeeded, fuck, would have fulfilled all your frustrated teenage desires at once.

the boy, somewhat lost for the sudden attack, searched for the reason for a moment until he found your figure sticking almost completely out of the window. the confusion could be read on his face even from your distance "what are u doing?" he asked.

"where're u going?" you return another question and he places both hands at his sides.

"i'm trying to do it quietly" he said, a little annoyed because the whispers weren't exactly sneaky. you bit your bottom lip, suddenly a little more nervous than before.

"lemme go with u" you ask, and can see perfectly how his eyes widen. yeosang never thought that you, the girl who watched everything quietly from afar and with a simple, boring but friendly smile, would want to slip away from home with him. what's more, from the way you looked, with giant horn-rimmed glasses and your hair in a messy bun, he'd say you were studying, even though it was saturday night.

the most obvious thing to do would be to laugh at you and leave, but yeosang came as close as he could to your window, climbing the short distance between your room and the ground thanks to a wooden panel that you used so that a climbing vine of pink flowers could reach your window. the surprise was huge, but you weren't going to complain because you heard the slats creaking. the fucking kang yeosang was climbing up to your window dressed in a black leather jacket and freshly dyed jet black. you were the fucking main character of a teen movie from the nineties.

"planning to come like this?" that time the voice was really low, but in your head it sounded almost like he was shouting at you. yeosang was inches away from your face, and you'd swear it was impossible but in the dim light of your lamp, he was even more handsome.

you denied softly, suddenly unable to utter a word as embarrassment drained you. your cheeks showed it, turning a cherry color that made yeosang laugh. when you saw his eyes sparkle, with a cute, shy smile filling his pale face with life, you almost fell on your ass, screaming and puking with excitement. all at once. you could have died from the raging tachycardia that such an angelic image was giving you.

"get dressed and i'll take you with me. i'll wait outside." had to shake your head to clear your mind of the thought of yeosang pushing you into your room, abandoning his intention of partying to devour you, so were able to react as you watched him climb away, careful not to break a leg for the foolish thing he just did.

he himself was a little embarrassed when realized the oddity of the impulse that followed as he climbed up the wooden planks to get a closer look at you. although he had to admit, he found you much more beautiful. no longer looked like a child, which was normal since you were no longer a little girl.

after allowing yourself to panic for a few seconds, for acting brave when you weren't, and for what had just happened, you pulled yourself together and did the best job possible with your outfit from that night, which must not have been that great because you don't even remember it, or maybe there were too many big things going on that night for you to remember that detail. when you were done, thought about imitating him; firstlooked out the window once more to find him down there tapping away on the phone. of course he was very attractive and double of course you wanted to look cool, but weren't stupid either, at least not enough to not break a bone for a guy. so you went down the stairs of your house as quietly as you could and met him under your window.

"how did you…?"

"used the door, yeosang."

he laughed again. probably because you used a sarcastic tone that made him feel a little dumb for the obvious, but you made him laugh for the second time in less than half an hour. it was quite an impressive feat, given that after years of being neighbors, the most you had ever said to him was thank you for opening the trash lid for me.

once in his car - because yes, even got to see him drive - he told you that he was going to, well, you both were going to a party thrown by a college friend of his, yunho or something like that. you were really nervous about showing up at a party with him, who was so amazing and unattainable, and suddenly meeting his college friends when barely knew yeosang himself, but that night had decided to play all your cards.

so, there you were, trying hard to make him laugh again, because his round cheeks and the sound of his laugh were the most beautiful and exciting thing you had ever experienced, not knowing that you were failing miserably and that he was just laughing at your absurd attempt, although he would let you know it a year later when you met him at the open day of your college's clubs. the curious thing is, even though he reminded you of the big fat crush you had on him, it was his way of reaching out to you again, just his way of really befriending you - probably because you were already more than over him thanks to wooyoung, but that's not the point.

without getting ahead of events, that night you gave your best performance in front of yeosang, and seemed like it was going wonderfully well until he left you in the charge of another friend of his, who was soon busy with that yunho guy hosting the party, to meet another girl. it was really too obvious, wasn't it? but you had reasons to feel that things were going well.

just imagine. all dolled up, gorgeous and confident - even yeo even admitted that you had grown up a lot, and looked very pretty that night - sitting in the passenger seat of yeosang's shabby old kia, as if you were cinderella in the pumpkin with your prince charming. yeo was everything anyone could dream of in a man: handsome, athletic, polite, intelligent. he even opened the fucking door for you and held your hand to help you get out of the car. if you didn't know he was exactly that way with everyone, you'd swear he was trying to impress you. even though you were already more than sunk in everything this guy could offer.

anyways, he wasn't into you at all. he thought you were cute and kind, but weren't his target that night. all his attention was focused on that other girl, of course gorgeous and totally out of any league except for yeosang, who also seemed very happy to see him. so you sat on one of the sofas in the house, bitter and alone, watching from below as those two guys talked and laughed with each other to try to distract you from the image of yeosang with this girl. even started to zone out, that's probably why you couldn't realize a shockingly handsome guy approaching your side.

"soooo you're the little weirdo who lives next to my best friend?" those were the first words wooyoung said to you.

okay, maybe you didn't like him from the very very first time you met him. in fact, you looked at him all pissed of, with a kind of funny but certainly disgusting smirk in your face, almost as if looking at the worst person in all of korea, but he didn't wipe that cocky smile off his face and sat down next to you, dropping all of his weight onto the couch at once.

"the fuck did u say?" you were too frustrated and shameless to shut up or cry with grief, so didn't hide how much of an idiot you thought he was. however, neither short nor lazy, wooyoung laughed loud and openly, putting an arm over your shoulders and pointing his finger at yeosang.

"aren't you his neighbor?" you nodded without wiping the uncomfortable grin from your cheeks, "then there's no doubt."

"'bout what?" cocking a eyebrow, crossed your arms in chest.

"u're the weirdo" he responded obviously.

"dude, u must be such an asshole to think u can say that to just anyone."

"don't get me wrong hun. just saw you here alone and wanted to say hello".

"okay, hello you asshole" wooyoung laughed at you again, "also, a weirdo? what's that for?"

"what would you call your snooping neighbor who keeps drooling over your bones?"

"yeosang said that!?" panic colored your face and ears red, but he denied it amusedly.

"of course not, yeo is too kind to call you that. the weirdo thing is my own creation."

"oh my god" you whine, he hummed in a big smile.

"not that bad. he said u were cute though."

"yeah, a cute creepy stalker" you thought aloud, putting both hands to your face, "god, go away. i need to be alone so i can drown in my own shame and u're annoying me"

"come on, u should try to be more gentle. i'm being friendly."

"no, you're not" replied, and you don't know it, but you were really funny to wooyoung, who barely hear you because your hands were shocking your words almost completely.

"yes! listen, just wanna help you out. stop watching him from distance. he's already fucked up with her" wooyoung slowly removed the hands from your face and almost didn't have time to look at his face, which was really close, because you followed the direction his index finger was pointing to you.

yeosang had already managed to get the girl within the same inches of him as when he climbed up to your window. you weren't the main character of any fucking movie, you were stupid to actually think that yeosang could notice his neighbor, who was just a some sort of cute stalker weirdo to him.

"oh, thanks for helping me feel like shit. i can see how friendly u are" turned your face sharply, suddenly noticing how close you and wooyoung were standing. almost on impulse and with an even more annoyed grimace, you flinch to find a spot where you don't have to share oxygen with him.

"stop getting me wrong, pretty! i'm saying you should, no, must focus your attention on someone more… open and at least as handsome as him" you sharpen your offended gaze at him, checking to see if there's even a hint of embarrassment on his face. he raised both eyebrows several times and held out his hand to you "jung wooyoung".

you were about to leave. figured it wasn't worth making a fool of yourself any longer, and that if you hurried, could order a cab without spending every last penny of your already empty wallet. but there was something about the boy's arrogant smile that caught your attention. so when you finally lend your hand, he took it carefully, and from the look on his face you could tell that he was a little surprised about you playing along. at least that's how you remember it. wooyoung assures you every time you both remember that night that he played it safe.

"pretty name, just as her owner" he mumbled without letting go of your grip, and then, as if a light bulb went on in your head - like his flirty ass wasn't being crystal clear about his intentions -, you could read what his eyes and, in fact, his entire body language were trying to say.

"are u flirting with me?" he let out a small chuckle and nodded, "wasn't i a weirdo?"

he shrugged and kissed the skin of your hand, "so i am".

it was right then and there, when his lips touched your skin for the first time, as if signing the most beautiful promise in the world, that you swore and swore that you began to love him. heart shrank in your chest, even told him yourself that day, late at night at the door of your house, after leaving the party together and spent hours driving around seoul in his car. in the end, it felt like a movie, and from then on, you spent your days loving wooyoung with purpose. although you might have lost a little bit of yourself along the way.

that's probably the reason why, two years later, you're absolutely sure that wooyoung fooled you so he could take hyunseo and her friends out alone, pushing you to a fucking university party with yeosang, whom you had lost an hour and a half ago, and instead of going to where that motherfucker is, kicking his ass and taking away the key to your apartment, you remain sitting in the same chair where you read the message - picture included - in which hyunseo confirmed that he wasn't answering you, because he was partying with her. it was almost hilarious that the first thing that came to your mind was that damned night when wooyoung had all his attention focused only on you, and made you feel really alive for the first time.

felt a horrible urge to cry, along with a great feeling of sorrow for yourself that were beginning to find familiar. if you weren't going to face it, you should at least try to find yeo and get out of there, but since you're too stupid to look out for yourself, just order two shots of vodka and take them one after the other, but evidently it wasn't enough to drown the pain away, so you order a third one. and you were about to drink it, when a hand touches your shoulder, causing you to turn your face to meet the one to blame for you not continuing your task of forgetting your sorrow with alcohol.

"long time no see!" it was a tall boy, black hair covering his forehead and eyes practically closed as he gave you a big smile. your face remained almost blank, in an nearly unconscious attempt not to give free rein to your tears "don't remember me?" you denied, he laughed "i'm san. we met about, what, two years ago? you were with yeosang, kang yeosang" you looked away for a second, as if the answer was somewhere else in the room, but strangely it worked. what a fucking coincidence, you thought.

"oh, yeah. u were with another guy…" you end up turning your body completely on the stool, which allowed you to be at his height thanks to how high your seat was to face the bar "minho was his name?" another laugh falls from his lips as he denies, taking the free stool next to you and sitting down. now he had the height advantage that belonged to him, and you realized he was a little taller than wooyoung.

"yunho" he reminds and you nod. you took a big breath of air, feeling bad beforehand about what were going to say to him.

"san, right?" he nodded this time "don't wanna be rude, but i'm not in a good time. don't feel like talking" his face went slightly off, biting his lower lip for a couple of seconds before speaking.

"sorry. just saw u here alone and wanted to say hello" as you hear those words leave his lips, closed your eyes slightly as you are overcome with a huge sense of deja vu. however, you focus on the sorrow that seems to reflect his tone of voice.

"it's fine. just not my day."

"maybe i can help? if you focus your attention on something different…. maybe, u'll feel better" you sigh, knowing that there is little you can do about what you are feeling right now, because you have been dealing with similar situations for quite some time now and are aware that right now, you feel like fucking shit.

averting your gaze from san once more, hugging the small glass full of vodka with your hands, you said "doubt there's anything you can do".

"c'mon, i'm sure there's something i can do to cheer you up. a pretty face like yours shouldn't be this sad" you look up at him suddenly, finding a sweet smile on his face.

"are u flirting with me?" you asked, he nodded with a small chuckle and held out his hand to you.

"see, since u didn't recognized me, let's start again. choi san" his grin turned pretty cocky, and shivers flowed down your skin as you give your hand to him too, and telling him your name. at this point, you knew that the deja vu wasn't just a feeling, but san almost made your jaw drop to the floor when he kissed the skin of your hand. nevertheless, san said "enchanted to meet u again".

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ ♡ ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

this fic had been in my drafts for a long time, but i really wanted to post something about woosan (and my yunho moment is hitting hard, so he must appear) >.< hope you like it a lot and enjoy reading it. all the loveeeee ♡

☆ tags list ☆ @stolasisyourparent @yeosangsbbg

p.s. also, if u wanna be tagged, just let me know ♡

[dontexpectmuch]

part 4 - [Lost in Madrid]

-

author note; btw for those who dont know me. im a whore for angsty fics w no happy ending 🤭 just for ur information hehehehe,, hope you enjoy this part, mwah mwah

- did not proofread!

series.masterlist

-

shit, you should have gone to the toilet one last time before leaving, your nerves messing with your stomach in an uncomfortable way. your hands feel clammy, getting warmer the longer you hold the bouquet of flowers.

you don’t even know why you feel so nervous, it’s not like you’re meeting a friends [yuck] parent for the first time. you try to reason with it by telling yourself that you simply do not want to be annoyed by judes presence in front of his mother [yeah sure], you actually want to meet her.

taking one last breath, trying to stay calm, you knock on the door and put on your best smile you could muster, not wanting to come off as rude.

you hear plates cling and metallic utensils fall down, before the door is opened abruptly by none other than jude himself. he looks out of breath, chest heaving up and down, you note, but he also looks good [too good, yes you admit].

black baggy pants, an oversized grey shirt and a necklace in the middle of his chest on top of it, his face adoring a smile.

“already in love with me?” he greets you, smirking as he leans against the door frame.

you roll your eyes, turning around to just leave. you can’t even take one step as you feel judes hand closing around your upper arm, [unfortunately] halting you movements.

he laughs, pulling you inside and telling you where to put your shoes, “mum’s been cooking all day.” he tells you, making you follow him to the kitchen.

your eyes look around, the apartment is beautiful, you think, nice view over the city from the living room, high ceilings and a homey feeling greeting you as you step into the living room slash kitchen area, the smell of fresh food finding its way to your nose.

denise calls your name as she sees you walk in, drying her hands on her apron to invite you to a hug which you gladly accept.

“these are for you.” you take a step back to get the flowers from judes hands, handing them to his mother who smiles at you widely.

“you didn’t have to, honey!” she lifts them up to her nose, smelling them. “they are wonderful, thank you.”

“just as wonderful as you are, denise.” you genuinely say back, watching her chuckle as she moves back to the kitchen to find a vase.

“just as wonderful as you are.” jude mocks you, his face near your ear to keep it between you guys.

without looking at him, you hit his chest [should’ve been his face], making him choke on his spit.

he coughs roughly, hand on your shoulder to stabilize himself, “dude, that’s mean!”

“you’re mean!” you draw your eyebrows together and decide to move to the kitchen to see if you could help.

however it seems like denise already prepared everything for dinner, the only thing left is to sit down and enjoy it together, which you do.

the room is filled with laughter and conversations about various topics, creating a warm atmosphere. even though you haven’t noticed it so far, the feeling of eating together as a family is truly one thing that you have missed since you’ve been in madrid, filling your heart with a sense of peace. you wouldn’t tell jude about [he would never live that down], but you are quite thankful for meeting him, him granting you this opportunity of feeling familiarity in a foreign country.

“how long until you finish university?” denise asks, taking a sip of her drink.

you swallow your food, “well, after my internship it might take around eight weeks to get the results.” you hum, organizing your thoughts, “afterwards everything goes pretty fast, i would have to hold a presentation, explain and defend my results and own theories. after that i will hopefully graduate.”

her eyes widen, “that’s a lot, no?”

jude speaks up as well, body leaning back against his chair, “that takes so long, no wonder you’ve become a grandma-“

he suddenly yells, almost jumping out of his seat, “ow! guys no need to attack me from both sides!”

“deserved.” you roll your eyes, sweetly smiling at denise who returns the gesture, asking you if you would like to eat some more food.

“yes, please! everything tastes amazing, denise. thank you so much.” you hand her your plate, watching her get up to move to the kitchen.

“my legs hurt.” jude whines from beside you, making you scoff.

“shouldn’t have been so rude, then.”

“how am i supposed to know that i would get attacked from both sides! my legs are very important, y’know!” his voice gets louder, body leaning towards you.

denise comes back, hand your plate back to, “doesn’t mean that you can say rubbish to our guest.” she comes to your aid, smiling at you.

“wow, you two really work against me, eh?”

“yes.” denise and you say at the same time, focusing on the food in front of you.

judes whining is heard every now and then throughout the dinner, however the two of you decide to ignore him and focus on your pleasant conversation. you help her with the dishes afterwards, while jude takes out the trash. [obviously complaining about how he always has to do the hatd work, you continue to ignore him.]

“i heard that you live close-by.” denise continues your conversation as you sit down on the couch in the living room, half empty cup of tea in your hand.

you nod, [wishing wouldn’t have to] “jude told me that you guys live down the street after we met at the grocery store.”

“best thing to ever happen to you.” you hear judes [attra-, annoying!] voice from behind you, his hands now resting on the couchs back behind you.

“mh, sure.”

denise laughs at you two, getting up to put her cup back. you follow suit, also getting ready to leave as you have seen that it has been already two hours since you came. you hug denise, thanking her for the food and kind hospitality, and also telling her to visit you sometime.

jude walks to the front door with you, watching you put on your shoes, “why are you leaving already?”

you pause, looking up, “eh, it’s getting late?”

you finish putting on your shoes, grab your bag and move to open the door. jude does the same, your hands now meeting on the doorknob, making you pause your actions. you quickly pull back, clearing your throat as you watch him open the door for you.

“want me to walk you home?” his voice is low, making the hair on your neck stand up. [because it’s annoying, nothing more.]

you shake your head, stepping outside, “‘m meeting a friend.”

“this late?” he crosses his arms in front of his chest, once again leaning against the doorframe.

frowning, you stem your hands on your hips, “pardon? who are you again?”

“your bestest best friend?” jude copies your attitude, smirking as he sees your eyes roll.

“‘m going.” your start to walk away, putting an end to this [ridiculous] conversation.

“text me when you’re home! and don’t stay out for too long!” he calls after you.

“yes, mom!” you call back, not bothering to turn around to look at his [handso-, no, stupid] face.

-

“but what is so wrong of being friends with him?” amanda asks, setting her glass of wine down.

music is heard through the box that was standing on the coffee table, filling the room quietly. the moon shines through the windows, amandas chain led-lights dimmed down, a comfortable vibe hovering within the room.

you sigh, leaning your head back with your eyes closed. fuck, you don’t even know why you’re so against it.

“i just,” you try to gather your thoughts, taking a sip from the glass, “i won’t be here for long, y’know? i don’t want to bond with someone like that only to never see them ever again.”

amanda chuckles, patting your knee softly, “mija, why wouldn’t you guys see each other again? that doesn’t make sense.”

“it does!” you try to defend yourself, sitting up, “i have to focus on my studies, afterwards get a job. i won’t be able to meet him in madrid whenever i miss him.”

“so you admit that you like him?” she teases you, nudging your foot with hers.

you groan, [sadly] admitting that you actually grew to enjoy his presence in the past month.

“i mean, he is annoying, loud, rude and calls me grandma, pushes me away to cheat when we race, throws his sweaty towel at me, and water too, and he-“

amanda cuts you off, telling you to get to the point.

“he, i don’t even know, he is actually fun to be around. being friends with him, getting used to his presence isn’t hard, it almost came naturally.” you explain, pulling your knees to your chest to rest your chin on them.

“but why be so upset about something that hasn’t happened yet?” amanda asks, sipping on her wine. her eyes are on you, and even though it’s the rooms lights are dimmed, you can still see the warmth seep through them, a sense of comfort washing over you.

“but it will happen, ‘manda.” you know that you are being unnecessarily pessimistic, but you can’t help it. “i don’t want to get attached only for it to break my heart into pieces.”

she sighs, “what will you do then?”

you shrug, not so sure yourself. you could create a certain distance between you and him, trying to lose some attachment that you [unfortunately, you would never tell him] have. but that wouldn’t be fair to jude, either. he didn’t to anything wrong. how would you explain that to him?

‘hey, i actually quite like being around you and being friends with you, but i don’t want to get used to you because i know that it will break my heart, yeah, so, bye!’? you scoff at this thought, head starting to hurt as you try to come up with different explanations.

amada gets up to go to the bathroom, hand on your shoulder as a sign of comfort as she passes by.

now that you are alone, you put your forehead against your knees, deeply exhaling. the music in the background helps as a distraction from your thoughts, though this sound of it gets interrupted by your phone. a new notification. you don’t bother to check who it is - your heart starts to beat fast as you think of someone who it might be. but you don’t lift your head, wanting to be left alone during your [pitiful] situation.

you have never had this problem before. you loved to meet people whenever you travel, creating memories with them and cherishing those whenever you think about it. this situation, everything about jude is just weird, you don’t know [or do you?] why he is such a big concern of yours, as if you actually are the moon, turning i orbits around its sun, in this case, jude. you should be friends with him, enjoy the time the two of you have left and then leave madrid, letting him be a new, nice memory.

“still thinking ’bout it?” amandas voice pulls you out of your thoughts, eyes now focusing on her.

you nod, sighing. it seems like it is the only thing left to do for you, sighing and hopelessly waiting around, though you are not sure for what exactly.

“do you like him?” she asks, filling her glass with some more wine before taking a sip.

“well, yeah. i think we’re friends.” you reply, feeling weird [like betraying yourself] when actually admitting that you think of jude as a friend.

she laughs, shaking her head, “no, no, i meant like, do you like like him?”

“no!” you tell her [yeah sure], quite offended that she would think that you would fall for someone like jude [you would].

“then why are you so sad about it?”

“don’t know, don’t wanna talk about it, please.” you lay down on the couch, looking up the ceiling.

your phone rings again, this time thrice in a row. you sigh while rolling your eyes, lazily lifting it up to look at who has been bothering you for the last few minutes.

NEW NOTIFICATION

[from; Jude Bellingham]: four new messages.

you immediately sit up, eyes wide. fuck, why is he texting you right now? you don’t have the nerve to talk to him right now [you always do].

“is it him?” amanda asks, looking up from her won phones display, smirking.

“yeah.” you mumble, unsure of what to do. you shouldn’t let him wait, should you? that’s not very nice, maybe it’s an emergency?

amanda speaks up again, “well, answer him, chica! why the hesitation?”

“don’t know.” you shrug, laying down again.

you hear amanda sigh, but she doesn’t comment on anything anymore, seemingly giving up on the situation. you take a deep breath while unlocking your phone, heart beating against your chest.

[from; Jude Bellingham]: r u home yet?

[from; Jude Bellingham]: dk what u did but mum still talks abt u

[from; Jude Bellingham]: u ok?? wya?

[from; Jude Bellingham]: txt me when ur home

putting your phone back down, you sigh, head between your hands. you don’t understand why his texts make you feel so, how should you describe it, anxious? he doesn’t do anything wrong, he is just trying to be a good friend, you should appreciate it instead of panicking.

groaning, you get up, taking your now empty glass to put it into the dishwasher in amandas kitchen.

“you leavin’?” amanda asks you, still seated on the couch, her head turned towards you.

you nod, tiredly rubbing your eyes as you walk back to kiss her cheek as a goodbye, “thank you for today.”

she smiles, her hand resting in your cheek in a comforting manner, “text me when you’re home, ‘kay?”

“‘kay.”

you put on your shoes, tell her goodbye one last tome before leaving her home, the soft breeze of the night welcoming you. it isn’t cold, you don’t have to wear a jacket, but somehow you can’t help but cross your arms as you begin to walk home. the night is still young, you hear people shouting and talking amongst themselves down the street, music accompanying their conversations.

the walk back doesn’t take long, you arrive just about fifteen minutes later as you open the door to the building, sighing as you see the stairs in front of you.

-

[to; Jude Bellingham]: just arrived home

[to; Jude Bellingham]: what can i say, moms like me :)

you lay down in your bed, night routine done and ready to sleep. you try to concentrate on your breathing, laying still on your back as a contrast to the chaos going on in your head, not letting you rest properly.

“tsk,” you try to lay on your left side, back now facing your phone on the nightstand, “stupid stuff.”

as soon as you hear your phone vibrate you immediately turn around, the brightness of your display hurting your eyes.

[from; Jude Bellingham]: cool cool

you move to type an answer, though a new message from him comes in,

[from; Jude Bellingham]: were u w dk what his name was?

rolling your eyes, you can’t help but smile at his [cu-, stupid] text.

[to; Jude Bellingham]: his name is lorenzo

[from; Jude Bellingham]: basic ass name

[to; Jude Bellingham]: no i was at amandas

[from; Jude Bellingham]: shouldn’t u be at sleep rn? grandmas should go to bed early

oh you can practically hear jude giggling at his own text, him finding joy in reminding you that you are older than him. you catch yourself stupidly smiling at his text and clear your throat, sitting up properly before texting back.

[to; Jude Bellingham]: was abt to but u texted me

[from; Jude Bellingham]: okok sry

[from; Jude Bellingham]: good night

[from; Jude Bellingham]: sweet dreams (of me)

[to; Jude Bellingham]: id rather choke

[to; Jude Bellingham]: good night :)

fuck.

———————————————————

“guys, please don’t forget to finish writing your team report for next week, ask for help if you need to, please.” you remind your students as they walk out of the room, smiling your way as they tell you goodbye.

you turn around to pack your own things, a knock on the door catching your attention.

“hola, señorita.” lorenzo greets you, smile wide and cheeks rosy, probably from the heat outside.

he walks up to you, kissing your cheek as a greeting before leaning against your desk, watching you as you continue to pack your bag.

“how can i help you, señor?” you say, happy to see your friend.

it has been a while since you last saw him, getting caught up in work and writing your thesis, and well, other people.

“are we walking home today?” he asks, tilting his head to the side, his eyes staring at yours.

“you see-“

“ah! there you are!” judes voice appears by the door, cutting you off.

you roll your eyes, trying to fight of a smile. he always greets you loudly when he picks you up to walk to the open field together, comfortable banter hovering between you two on tour walk there.

“i have a practical session afterwards, sorry.” you point towards jude, who is still standing by the door, eyes focusing on the guy next to you.

poor lorenzo, you think, he didn’t do anything wrong, yet jude always finds way to hate on him, comparing the two of them. [he somehow is always the better one]

“i see.” lorenzo looks at jude, then he turns back to you, kissing you on the cheek as a goodbye before leaving the room.

jude walks inside, rolling his eyes as he points at the direction lorenzo went, “what is his problem?”

your eyebrows pull together, “eh, nothing?”

you sling your bag on your shoulder, walking out of the room with jude following you, “think you gonna score today?”

jude laughs, scratching his cheek, “i will, if you stop directing your negativity towards me.”

offended, you look up at him, walking through the tunnel that leads to the field, “what’s that supposed to mean? i don’t even have the time to look at you.” [that’s a lie, you catch yourself following him around the field more than you’d like to admit]

“you should, though, i am very exciting to watch.” jude blinks - in his case winks - down at you, putting his bag down next to your seat.

you hum, not wanting to ket him now that he’s right, taking a seat on the bench as you pull out your writing block and pencil from your bag.

señor lagarde yells at jude from the field, telling him to get moving. jude shouts out that he is coming and gets moving, hitting your foot with his one last time as he leaves.

-

the suns heat makes you feel dizzy, and you wish that you would have taken your water bottle with you, instead of relying on the water bottles at the center. your shoes feel tight, your dress makes you want to throw yourself off a bridge and your hair isn’t looking as good as you wish it did.

“we should definitely cook together like, at least once.” jude throws in as the two of you walk past a restaurant.

you don’t register what jude says, “yeah, sure.”

“wait, really?” his voice sounds surprised at your agreement, and suddenly you feel awake, the feeling of having said something that you might regret sinking in.

“uh, wait, what did you say?”

“nah,” jude shakes his head, mischievously smiling at you, “can’t take it back now.”

“jude,” you whine, hating yourself for giving him such power, “c’mon dude, i’m tired.”

“don’t care.”

you come to a halt in front of the apartment building, getting ready to say goodbye to him, but he speaks up again, sounding too excited for your liking.

“let’s do it now, i’m ready.”

fuck, did you actually agree to sleep with him? is this why he won’t tell you?

nervously, you back off, “listen jude, i didn’t mean it, i mean yeah, you’re nice, but i really don’t want to-“

“c’mon, cooking together is actually really cool, i’m not that bad, ask mum.”

you feel relief wash over you, like a ton has been lifted up from your shoulders. suddenly, the grass looks greener, the birds chirp sweeter, the sky looks cleaner, today is such a nice day, you note, everything is just amazing-

“hello?” jude flicks your forehead, pulling you out of your daydreams as you cover your forehead with your hand, offended by his actions.

“dude!”

“let’s go, c’mon!” he tells you once more. you decide to give him, otherwise he won’t stop annoying you.

you open the door and the two of you walk up, jude tries to make you trip once, you alap the back of his head, but you safely arrive at your apartment door. opening it, you take of your shoes, you move to the kitchen while jude goes to the bathroom. looking through your fridge, you take out a few ingredients to cook some pasta with vegetables, simple but tasty.

you wait for jude to come back before you also go to the bathroom to freshen up, then you quickly get changed into something more comfortable.

“where’s your-“ jude walks into your room as you are in the middle of putting on your shirt, stopping mid sentence. “oh, fuck.” he shuts the door fast, an awkward apology leaving his mouth.

quickly putting on the shirt and taking a deep breath, you walk out the room to find jude awkwardly standing next to your door, his hands placed in front of him.

“‘m genuinely sorry, dude, like, i should have knocked.” he apologizes once more, his behavior making you smile. [because he looks stupid, not cute.]

“it’s fine, nothing to worry about.” you try to lift the mood by bumping your hips against his, winning a smile.

you walk back to the kitchen and start to give him the instructions to prepare the vegetables, yourself focusing on the sauce and the pasta.

it is like athletes getting in ‘the zone’, jude and you entirely focusing on your tasks at hand. you wanted to put on some music, but somehow the thought falls short, now the sound of you two working and moving around the kitchen filling the room. it’s nice, you don’t have the need to fill in the silence with small talk, since it doesn’t make you feel awkward. you hear jude hum the melody of a song and decide to listen to that, though it sounds rough.

“this big enough?” judes voice us soft, he moves next to you to show you the size of the tomato he cut, his body’s heat closing around you, relaxing at his closeness.

“yeah, just make sure that it doesn’t get too small.” you tell him, still stirring the sauce.

“yes, chef.” he salutes, continuing to cut up the vegetables.

everything goes on really well, the pasta looks great, the sauce tastes good and the vegetables are done. you plate the food and ask jude to take them to the table, which he does. as he comes back to put a dirty knife into the sink, you feel his big hand on the small of your back.

only when he moves back to the table you let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding, your heart threatening to jump out of your chest.

without further ado, you sit down around the table, “buen provecho.”

“you too.” jude immediately puts some of it into his mouth, groaning [literally moaning] at its taste.

though you agree with him that it tastes good, you don’t moan, but laugh at jude for shoving the food in to his mouth.

“the food won’t run away, y’know.” your teasing makes him look up from his plate, like a deer caught in the middle of the road.

“it’s so good.” his cheeks are full of food, however his sentence comes out clear.

a laugh escapes from your lips, somehow this entire situation is just funny to you. if someone would’ve told you two months ago that you would cook and eat dinner with jude bellingham during your internship, you’d pay their therapy from your own money. but now, look after you. here you are, eating some delicious pasta, the sun setting in the background and jude calling your name over and over again because you won’t listen to him. [you leaned how to ignore him]

“yes, jude?” you decide to answer him, his voice starting to irritate your ears.

“what are we gonna eat first dessert?”

“you leaving will be my dessert.” you sarcastically smile at him.

jude slumps back against his chair, exaggerated sigh leaving his mouth, “you were supposed to say ‘you’”

“tsk, you? where are you a dessert?” you can already feel your eye start to twitch, knowing that he will annoy you until you do as he says.

clapping his hands once, jude laughs, leaning forward, “people on the internet have other opinions, though.”

“great.”

you get up to clean your plate, not bothering to continue this [stupid] conversation.

jude appears next to you as you rinse your glass, plate at hand, “soo, ice cream?”

-

“don’t you miss your family?” judes side profile is highlighted by the moonshine, the many stars in his eyes now present in the deep blue sky.

though it is still warm outside, you have a thin blanket draped over your shoulders, ice cream bowl sits empty on the little table between jude and yourself.

“don’t you miss leaving me alone.” you respond, bith of you aware that you don’t actually mean it. [you do, you’re really tired and want to sleep].

“answer me, jalapeño.”

you scoff, turning your head to look at him, “that’s a stupid name.”

he turns to look at you as well, sleepy smile on his lips, “suits you, though.”

“no.”

“answer my question.”

you take a second to think, “well, yeah, i guess.”

“you guess?” judes eyes follow you as you get up to lean against the rail on the small balcony, eyes looking down at the street.

you hear him get up as well, his body now next to yours, its heat slowly coming your way. you have to fight the urge to lean against him, not wanting to cross any boundaries.

“i do, i really miss my mum and my nephew,” you begin, the thought of your two year old nephew making you smile, “but i also love it here. i think i’ll even sadder to leave madrid than i was when i left home.”

jude hums in understanding, softly bumping his body against yours, “it’s because of me, right? i’m just so amazing, i’d miss me too.”

“tsk, yeah sure.” [it’s a lie]

the sound of a car passing by fills the silence between you, and you feel judes body slowly lean against yours, staying there. you don’t bother telling him to move away [you don’t want to], your body starts to tingle, warmth spreading through it. even though the night is calm, your mind is anything but that, different scenarios passing through your mind as you try to concentrate on anything but judes body. you feel his finger touching yours, slowly moving up your arm. you feel the hair on your neck stand up, heart rate picking up and each breath like its fueling the fire inside of you. you know he feels it, too, his finger is shaking as it moves up to your back, hand now caressing your neck.

you turn to look at jude, he does the same, it feels oh so slow as you two near each other, his eyes moving from your eyes down to your lips and back up, you feel it down to your feet, the tingling now numbing all of your senses. jude leans down, your faces now centimeters apart as he closes his eyes. you tilt your head to the side, feeling his breath on your skin as you also close your eyes.

the moon slowly disappears between you two, and you move to close the gap until -

[thus-spoke-lo]

Pain Management // Trafalgar Law x afab!reader // NSFW/18+

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Chapter 1: A Thorough Examination

Chapter Summary: No longer able to deal with the chronic abdominal pain that's plagued you as long as you could remember, and having exhausted your available options for treatment aboard the Sunny, you suggest traveling with the Heart Pirates as a way to gain access to some of the best medical care in the New World. Your new captain is willing to give his all in helping determine the cause of your issues, and offers his help to treat you.

Chapter CW: afab!reader [no pronouns used]; descriptions of pelvic pain; menstruation mentions; reader receives a gynecological exam [pelvic/breast]; allusions to hysterectomy; slight medical/glove kink; slight praise kink

WC: 2.9k

A sudden flash. A deep, searing pain that cut through your insides.

You doubled over, the feeling of a phantom knife stabbing you near your core. The wrench in your hand fell, a loud clang ringing through the air, and you dropped to your knees on the floor as the air was punched out of your lungs.

“Hey, you alright?” Franky turned off the welder and lifted his goggles, a sudden worry settling into his expression.

“No, but I will be,” you grunted. “Just give me a minute.”

“Should I get Chopper?” he asked as he started to get up from his position on the ground.

“No, really, it’s alright.” The wave of misery was subsiding, leaving behind only a vague feeling of queasiness. “He can’t do anything for me.”

It was almost your entire adult life that you’d experienced these phantom pains, and you struggled to have anyone tell you the reason. It was most certainly tied to your monthly cycle, of that you were sure, but the way in which it incapacitated you mentally and physically was becoming more of an annoyance and a hindrance than anything else, rendering you disabled at the most inconvenient times.

Chopper had done the best he could since you’d joined the Strawhats some time ago, giving you pain medicine he formulated himself. But as time went on, and the pain pills could only dull the worst aches, Chopper conceded that perhaps, despite his training, he didn’t have the equipment or the specific experience needed to properly diagnose and treat you. As you lay in bed one night, biting your pillow with every shockwave in your abdomen, it occurred to you there may be a way to get help yet.

“So wait. You wanna leave and join the Heart Pirates?” Luffy asked, his eyebrows knitted in confusion as you told him your plan over breakfast. “But why?”

“Not leave as in forever. It’ll be like…an internship,” you said cheerfully.

“What’s that?” His head tilted slowly to the side, as if it would help him process your words more effectively.

“It’s a temporary assignment,” Nami clarified from her spot next to you at the table. “Not forever, just for a while to learn some things that can help us.”

“Ohh, I get it now.” The look on Luffy’s face said he absolutely did not get it, but you pressed on.

“It would be a great opportunity to learn how a submarine functions,” you continued, a smile plastered across your face. “Just think of how much I’d be able to help Franky if he needs to build any specialized vehicles for us!”

“Well as long as Traffy thinks it’s fine, I think it’s a great idea!” Luffy grinned in a way that said he still was not entirely clear on what exactly you were doing or why, but that he trusted your judgment.

As you packed your bags the following week, waiting for Law and his crew to meet you at the port, you wondered if you could even trust your judgment. Sure, it seemed that “Traffy” had been fairly easy to convince when it came to bringing you aboard (after all, what’s one more warm body and willing set of hands?), and sure, you were a pirate after all, and deception was perfectly in your wheelhouse, but was it worth the ruse?

You boarded the Polar Tang, waving goodbye to the captain you’d just lied to and nodding hello to your new captain who you’d also just lied to, and wondered if Law or his crew could smell the dishonesty on you. There was no need to wear your paranoia like a coat, you told yourself over and over as you were shown to your quarters—you were going to keep your head down for a while, learn the ins and outs of your new underwater home, and bide your time before knocking on your Captain’s door to beg for help.

----------

“Come in.”

You were surprised that Law even heard you knock; you had barely touched your knuckles to the door. “Captain? I was hoping I could possibly talk to you about something.”

“Everything okay?” he asked, eyes still on the papers in front of him as you pushed open the metal door.

Your eyes drifted towards the ceiling as you considered where to begin. “Not exactly.”

“Is it a problem with someone?”

“No!” You waved your hands frantically in front of you. “No, nothing like that at all, everyone has been so kind to me since I’ve been here.”

“That’s good to hear.” He set his pen down on his desk and turned his chair towards you, his daunting gaze settling on you. “So what brings you here, then?”

“It’s—it’s a medical issue.”

He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, what seems to be the matter?”

“You see, I have this pain in my abdomen, like right here”—you gestured to a spot near the apex of your thighs, just off to the left—��and it comes and goes. But it’s been happening for, well, about as long as I can remember. Sometimes the pain is worse than other times.”

“I see.”

“Chopper gave me some pain medicine for it, but it only does so much, and I feel like either the medicine has stopped working, or whatever this is might be getting worse over time.”

He sat back in his chair and removed his hat for a moment, running his hands through his soot-black hair as he thought. “Did he ever do a pelvic exam?”

“Uh, no.” You shifted from one foot to the other before leaning against the door frame. “I don’t know that either of us really thought much about that.”

In truth, despite the fact that Chopper was never anything but professional with his medical care, having treated injuries and disorders you couldn’t even begin to imagine, you felt incredibly uncomfortable asking him to complete an internal pelvic exam. Sure, he was more than capable, and perhaps you could have found a way to make yourself feel at ease, but the concept of having one of your crewmates stick their fingers inside of you and root around, right before having to sit and stare at them across the dinner table, left a peculiar taste in your mouth.

Law laced his fingers behind his head and crossed one leg over the other. “Why don’t you come by the exam room tomorrow, let’s say same time, and we can do a little more…exploration?”

“Sure, sounds—sounds good,” you nodded, tripping over your words—you had felt yourself grow a little warm at the particular way he’d said exploration, drawing out the word in his low, rumbling voice. “I’ll see you then. Thank you, Captain.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, returning his stack of papers. “Let’s hope we can figure out what’s wrong. I’ll do everything I can to get you some relief.”

I certainly hope so, you thought to yourself.

----------

The exam hadn’t even started yet, and you were already deeply regretting asking Law for help.

You perched stiffly on the elevated table, paper crinkling under you, the undersides of your thighs sticking to the exposed bit of vinyl. You pulled and tugged at the thin cotton gown that had been left for you on the side chair (accompanied by a scrawled note, “I’ll give you ten minutes to change, don’t worry”), feeling like no matter how tightly you had tied the thin straps at the neck and waist into haphazard knots, you were still at risk of sudden exposure with even the most minute movements.

Not that it mattered, you reminded yourself—your captain was about to be knuckle-deep in your vagina in a moment, what did it matter if he caught a glimpse of your ass cheek or a peek of your pubic hair before he got started?

“Safe to come in?” a voice said from the other side of the door.

“Yep, I’m decent,” you responded. “Well, as decent as I can be.”

Law entered the room, flashing you a brief smile as he shut the door behind him and moved to the sink to wash his hands. “How are you doing today?”

“As okay as I can be, I guess.”

“Any pain right now?”

“Mm, not at the moment.”

“That’s good to hear,” he said as he fished two latex gloves out of a box on the counter. You watched with an inappropriate fascination as he put them on, slowly pulling them down over his long fingers, letting the band settle on his wrists with a light snap. There was no denying that many a wandering thought of yours had involved Law’s strong hands and slim fingers, and how they’d feel exploring every inch of you, every dip and curve of your body; this, however, was not the time for indulging in fantasy.

He walked over and stood before you, his slim hips almost touching your knees. “I’m going to start by giving you a breast exam, is that okay?”

You shrugged, trying to maintain some sense of detachment. “Sure.”

He pulled your gown down your shoulders, placing the fabric in your lap. He palpated your breasts with his warm, gloved hands, then moved two fingers in circles on various spots. As he moved one hand to the side of your body to feel under your arms for any abnormalities, his thumb brushed against your nipple, pebbled from the cool air of the room.

“Sorry, I know it’s a little cold in here,” Law smirked as he walked back over to the counter and quickly scribbled in a notebook. “Everything seems good there, no concerns.”

“Oh. That’s good.” You nervously smiled at him and lifted your gown back over your chest, crossing your arms tightly over you, trying to warm yourself and convince your traitorous nipples to relax. As you watched him with his back turned, you ruminated on the way his thumb had grazed you—it was so brief, but almost tender, in a way you could almost swear was intentional.

“Okay, I’m going to do a pelvic exam,” he said, sitting down on a wheeled stool and scooting it towards the end of the table. “Go ahead and lay back for me, and place your feet in the stirrups.”

You reclined onto the table, and fumbled at correctly placing your heels in the metal rings. Your knees drifted together as you felt the cool air of the room waft over your exposed vulva.

Law sighed. “You have to spread your legs for me if I’m going to examine you, you know.”

“Right, sorry,” you muttered as you let your thighs drift open. In the time you’d known Law, even before your new venture aboard his vessel, you’d thought on occasion what it would be like to have him command you to spread your legs; this, however, was certainly was not the way you’d had in mind.

“I’ll be gentle, I promise,” he said, the rumble in his voice vibrating your core.

Stop it, stop it, stop it, you chided yourself. Stop making this weird, he’s your doctor. You can have your stupid little crush later, when he’s not shoving a piece of plastic in you.

He inserted a speculum into your vagina and you felt yourself stretch with every little click-click-click as he adjusted it. “Doing okay?”

“So far, so good.” A tight smile stretched across your lips despite the fact you assumed he couldn’t see your face.

“You’re doing so well for me,” Law said, his voice low and reassuring.

You felt a perverse swell of arousal at his praise. You clenched your jaw and balled your hands into fists at your side—why now, why with a piece of plastic holding you open like a prized poultry being stuffed for dinner, did you have to let his voice make you feel any particular type of way?

“I’m going to put my fingers inside you now, okay?”

“Okay.” You exhaled slowly.

You stared at the ceiling as he slid two fingers inside of you and poked and prodded at your walls. The vague discomfort of the speculum and the probing of his fingertips certainly did well to erase the feelings of desire you had experienced moments earlier.

“I’m going to press on your abdomen, see if I can feel anything abnormal. Tell me if anything hurts.”

He pressed his two fingers up while he pushed his free hand down on different spots on your abdomen. When he reached one particular spot, you felt a searing pain rocket through your body, like a red-hot knife dragging through your insides.

“There!” you said through gritted teeth. “Pain! Right there!”

“Okay, okay. You’re okay.” He pulled his fingers out of you, and wheeled back to the counter. “You can sit up now.”

“So, what does that mean?” you asked as you gathered yourself, swinging your legs back over the side of the table and pressing on that tender spot in your abdomen, trying to soothe it and will it to calm.

“Well, it’s one of a couple of things, based on the way you reacted. I can’t exactly be sure without further research.”

“Isn’t there anything you could do in the meantime?”

“Well, I can give you some pain medication to ease your symptoms.”

“That’s it?” You scoffed, having heard that phrase so many times before. “But—but Chopper already did that, and it doesn’t help anymore. There’s nothing else you can do?”

He paused, twirling a pen between his long fingers as he thought for a moment. “Surgical intervention would be a possibility.”

“Okay, that’s fine then,” you quickly blurted, seeing relief on the horizon. “Just take out all the parts that are causing me problems.”

He sighed. “It’s not quite that simple.”

“I mean, it is, isn’t it? Couldn’t you use your devil fruit to just, you know, remove stuff?”

“Yes, possibly.” He scratched at his chin, and his gaze met yours. “But we don’t know exactly what’s causing the problem. I’d still have to open you up and have a look around first, and that might cause more issues than it would fix. And depending on what I find and what we have to take, you may also need hormone replacements, just to help you function correctly. And frankly, I don’t have access to those, not out here.”

You didn’t care that the desperation in your voice was nearly tangible. “Look, I’m sure I can make do without the hormones, I’ll just learn to deal with it. Captain, I’m serious, just take whatever is in me out of me if it’s going to be a problem. Please. I can’t do this anymore.”

He stood up and leaned his long body against the counter, and stared down at you. It was unnerving how vulnerable you felt, sitting nearly-naked on the vinyl table, thin fabric barely keeping you from being fully on display for him, angry tears beginning to bead at your lash-line, your face hot with frustration. The pain had gone on too long, and here was the only man you knew that could help you, trying to find ways to deny you the solution (albeit the least ideal one) to your troubles.

“Here’s what I’d suggest,” Law finally spoke after what felt like hours of silence, as he stared at you, barely blinking, running his tongue over his teeth. “I have an idea for an intervention that could help relieve some of your symptoms without having to resort to surgery just yet. If it works, then we’ll just continue treatment; if not, then we’ll consider opening you up and seeing what’s inside. Does that sound acceptable?”

“I guess so, sure.” It felt like you didn’t have much of a choice; you were at his mercy, and probably would have agreed to just about anything if it would bring you some relief.

“Good. Come by tomorrow, same time.” He paused. “And be prompt.”

“Of course, Captain.”

He handed you your pile of clothes from the chair across the room. “Take your time getting dressed, this room won’t be needed for a while.”

“Thanks,” you said, waving weakly at him as he walked out and closed the door.

You winced as you zipped your pants back up—all the poking and prodding left your insides tender, and a twinge of pain rocketed through your core. Maybe you just should have stuck to pain medicine, you thought to yourself as you re-hooked your bra, your mind still lingering on the way his thumb delicately brushed your nipple.

Maybe you just should have continued taking the pills Chopper gave you when things got especially bad, and kept your mouth shut, and stayed back on the Sunny, and maybe—maybe—found relief eventually from some gifted doctor on a faraway island one day, if you were lucky. But instead, here you were—miles under the ocean, trapped in a metal tube with the weight of your decision and the only doctor who might be able to help you find relief.

You shuffled back to your station to finish your day of work, wondering what sort of treatment Law had in mind.

[najaemism]

heart can't lose [71]

PAIRING. lee haechan x fem!oc

WARNINGS. very light angst, hurt/comfort

WORD COUNT. 0.8k words

SUMMARY. fourth year pre-med student and neo university student council president, haechan lee does not have the time for relationships. instead, he focuses his attention on his studies and extracurriculars, so as not to disappoint his parents. that is until hera seo came along—and everyone starts to wonder if the university’s golden boy would finally let his heart lose.

IT HAD BEEN about fifteen minutes since Donghyuck had arrived at Hera’s apartment, and since then, the girl had not spoken one full sentence to her boyfriend. They were both in her room, since she deemed their conversation to be something only the two of them should hear, and Nari was in the living room finishing up some work that she had to take home.

Donghyuck was sitting on her swivel chair near her study desk, while Hera was sitting on her bed, brows furrowed as she looked down at her hands, still not sure how to tell her boyfriend about her plans after graduation.

“Juno, you’re making me nervous here,” Donghyuck broke the silence, letting out a nervous chuckle as he looked at her. “What is it that you want to talk to me about?”

“I’ve talked to my family about what my plans are after graduation,” she finally spoke, her voice low as she still looked at her hands, fiddling with the hem of her sweater. 

“Are you still going through with grad school? You told me about that a few months ago.”

“No,” she replied, “not yet, at least.” She finally looked up to meet his eyes. “Remember when I said I’d prefer working first before taking my masters?” she asked, and he nodded, urging for her to continue. “I’m taking the board exams in July,” she said, and she took note of how his eyebrows were raised in surprise. 

“Oh—that’s amazing, Juno. You would have better working opportunities when you have your license,” he commented, smiling at her, “You’ve been reviewing for it, then? While doing your teaching internship?”

She nodded, then swallowed the lump in her throat. “After taking the boards, I’m set to work at this private school while I wait for the results. Dad says it usually takes a few months, and we… we have this family friend who owns a private school, so I’ll be there,” she then explained.

Donghyuck looked genuinely happy for her after-graduation plans that it made her heart ache. “That sounds really good, Juno, I don’t see why you’re—”

“It’s in San Francisco.”

He blinked—once, twice, then let out a soundless “Oh.”

“That’s…” he cleared his throat, “That’s what you want to do?” he asked, eyes still trained on her.

“Yes.”

His lips gently upturned into a smile, the look in his eyes wistful as he said: “Then I fully support you with that, Juno.”

She looked at him in confusion. “You’re… you’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad about that?”

“For starters, I’d be miles away from you,” she pointed out, “I chased after you for weeks only to leave in a few months, and... and I had these after-grad plans decided already without even telling you about it, and—”

“Juno.���

She looked at him, her shoulders dropping as she felt her tears start to form. “I’m sorry, Donghyuck.”

“Hey,” he called, before standing up from his seat and making his way towards her, kneeling on the floor in front of her while she still sat on the bed. He cupped her cheek before he continued, “You don’t have to apologize about that, I know that that’s what you want to do. I know how much you love teaching, you’re doing what you want to do, and that’s fine,” he told her. “I may not be part of your plans, but I will always support you, baby, you know that.”

She closed her eyes as her tears fell, while Donghyuck pulled her in and leaned her forehead against his, his eyes closing as well. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“I know,” she muttered, “I love you, too.”

He smiled again as he leaned back to look at her, caressing her cheek as her eyes fluttered open. “We still have three months before you leave. It’s fine—we’ll be fine,” he assured her as he wiped her tears with his thumb.

“You’re not—you’re not breaking up with me?”

He let out a chuckle, shaking his head at her question. “Unless you want to break up with me? No, I’m not, breaking up with you,” he replied, “You waited weeks for me to come around and get my shit together just so we could be together—I’m sure I can wait for you, too.”

“This is different—what if I decide not to come back?”

“Then, I’ll go to you,” he answered quickly, as if he’d thought it through before—as if there was no other place he’d rather be than with her. “Of course, I’d have to finish med school first, then I’d be with you—does that sound alright with you?”

She blinked down at him, surprised with how well he was taking it all. “Yeah—yes, that sounds… that sounds alright with me?” she replied a bit hesitantly.

He smiled at her before leaning up to kiss her.

“I love you, Juno. My feelings for you won’t change just because of a little distance. Take your time, and I’ll take mine, and when the time’s right, I know we’ll be together,” he said, “But that doesn’t mean we’ll break up—we’ll just be apart from each other for a while, okay?”

She nodded, smiling through her tears. “Okay. I love you.”

“Okay,” he breathed out before he finally wrapped his arms around her, hugging her while she buried her face on his chest.

There’s no turning back for me, I’ll be I’ll wait ‘til the mountains cross the seas ‘Til all the secrets are set free Meeting you there on bended knee.

SEVENTY ONE. | prev / masterlist / next

NOTE. this was supposed to be a fluffy chapter actually........ yeah...... we're near the end though :p

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[csuitebitches]

Hi! You're amazing and your page is amazing. I'm a girl who's really interested in growing and building my life. My mental illness has taken so much from me, so I feel I am starting life over this year like a little baby while everyone else is an adult. I often feel VERY insecure around friends who are normal and have achieved so much and have not made the many mistakes that I have.

I now have been isolating myself because I usually feel so ashamed of myself when I'm with them. I barely have any cooking skills as a female, I've never held a real job, I never network or connect with anyone, I have felt so miserable with a scowl on my face everyday, and I barely know what I'm doing with my life now in college.

As I am now working on my character flaws, how do I still feel I am loveable to my friends, stop pushing everyone away, and stop feeling like hiding when I'm with them?

everyone was once in your shoes. Were your friends born with their job? Were they born accomplished? Was Gordon Ramsey born with a knife in his hands? Have you seen the video of him crying because of his mentor Marco Pierre White?

Ive lightly burned my fingers, my food, set off the university dorm fire alarm because of my initial cooking skills. I’ve melted a spatula. I’ve burned countless toasts, broken glass bottles, had a whole bug infestation because I forgot to close the fridge tightly when I left uni for summer. Then I learned. I watched more YouTube videos. I practiced cooking. I can objectively say I cook better than my mom today because I made the effort to learn.

A master was also an amateur once.

“I never network with anyone” it’s good that you can admit the things you need to work on. The way you address problems like this is:

a) are there networking opportunities near you?

b) can you look up conferences and opportunities near you?

you assume that your friends have not made as many mistakes as you have. Do you go on a radio show and tell the whole world about every mistake you’ve made in your life? Even with close friends, one does not always reveal every single thing or sometimes, doesn’t feel the need to.

your journey is your own. The exam paper of your life does not have the same answers that your friends have written.

you’re not going to magically wake up accomplished, you’re going have to work towards it. And the best part is, you’re in college! That’s such a great stepping stone because you’re in an environment that’s programmed to help you grow if you can use your cards right.

can you join any extra curricular clubs or activities? Or ask your professors or the counsellor for internship opportunities? Can you organise an event like a bake sale or something for the local charity? Can you take up volunteering opportunities?

your insecurities are holding you back. You’re not any less lovable than the friends and family in your life. You have control over your own life. When you choose to actively put yourself out there, start socialising, engaging with people - which can be difficult for some people but always rewarding - you’ll start seeing change.

unfortunately the world doesn’t revolve around us. If you’re unhappy with how things are, the remote control of your life is in your hands.

you’re already working on yourself which is great. That means you have the intrinsic motivation to do something. It’s time to stop moaning and whining and start creating a plan of action.

tackle things one thing at a time. Don’t start with 10 things.

From your message it seems like:

You need help with adulting - cooking.

job - ask your college counsellor/ professor of your favourite subject for internship opportunity, on campus or off campus.

purpose -find a hobby, sport, volunteering cause, something that you like that you actually enjoy.

look at these three problems in the best positive light. It means you get to learn all these things you didn’t know! It means you’ll be able to meet new people who could become really good connections!

make your life simple. Progress doesn’t mean going from burning the kitchen down to cooking a three course meal. It means taking one week to learn how to fry an egg. It makes taking a week to learn how to make a decent pancake or some rice. It means screwing up 10 times and then finally getting it right on the 11th.

allow yourself to make mistakes. Acknowledge to yourself about them and move on.

Do not let your shame hold you back from living your life. We torture ourselves in imagination more than we actually suffer in real life.

I’ve felt embarrassed countless times in my life. I’ve slipped up, messed up, forgotten things, done what I wasn’t supposed to, held my tears back, been scolded, full blown cried, scribbled aggressively in my diary, ranted to my mom, had dramatic fights with my imaginary boss in the shower, woken up late, screwed up royally in important meetings. These are not original experiences. These are universal experiences. Anyone who is telling you that they have never felt this is a dirty liar.

I wouldn’t exchange those mistakes for the world.

How do you think I’m able to give you advice on this if I didn’t go through those similar experiences?

If you want to make changes in your life that badly, start today. Set three simple goals that are achievable. Set deadlines. Be your own parent. Get your life together.

[sievesoftech]

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[starcrossedxwriter]

A Love That Never Fades (MBJ x OC)

A/N: My first request by the amazing @prettyisasprettydoes1306! Hope you enjoy it!!

Warnings: miscarriage

“Hey baby,” Chastity swung open the door to her apartment and wrapped her boyfriend in a deep embrace. She buried her face in his neck as he held her for a moment. Though they were not on the same page at the moment, this part, the love, was always there.

“How are you?” 

“J-Just tired and weirdly nauseous. Probably just the stress of these fuckin’ finals though. Can’t wait for this semester to be over.”

Michael glanced from his girlfriend and her very cozy leggings and sweatshirt to the cluttered mess of notes and open textbooks spread across her couch and coffee table, a realization hitting him. 

“Think you’ll still be able to go to this party with me? For the studio?” 

Chastity glanced at him and the clock and the mountain of work she still needed to do to finish her paper by tomorrow at noon. She rubbed her forehead in frustration at herself for losing track of time and not being able to finish her paper and the predicament she and Michael seemed to routinely find themselves as of late. 

His star in Hollywood was on the rise, which meant more events and opportunities for him to shine. Chastity could not be prouder. However, the schedule of a rising actor did not quite align with the schedule of a junior in a rigorous degree program. 90% of Chastity’s time was devoted to classes, studying to maintain her trajectory of graduating with honors, and her wide range of extracurricular activities. While she loved her boyfriend, her hustle and her desire to be the very best is what drove her, which meant there was precious time left in the day for anything else, including her long-term boyfriend. 

She and Michael met freshman year of high school, the pair sat next to each other in homeroom World History. There was an immediate pull that led them to becoming best friends by the end of the first week. It did not take long for them to become inseparable and for their feelings to bleed over the appropriate boundaries of friendship. Chastity still remembered the night Michael asked her to be his girlfriend at a local pizza parlor near his house. It remained one of the happiest moments of her life. 

Throughout their relationship, they were each other’s first in almost everything, sharing so many intimate and special moments of their formative years together. When Michael decided to move out to LA to pursue acting full-time, Chastity had no reservations about following him, especially since UCLA was one of her top choices for college. Their first two years in their new city were magical. They were two broke kids following their dreams and still managing to live their best lives. Chastity excelled in her classes and on campus socially and Michael laid the groundwork for, what they both knew, would be a long career in Hollywood. 

However, it felt like something shifted between them in the last year. Chastity’s school work exponentially increased as she settled into her major and got internships and other priorities. And Michael booked role after role that took him out of LA for months at a time, leaving the pair little to no time to spend together. 

Neither of them complained, one of the many things they fell in love with each other for was their work ethic. Neither of them were afraid to sacrifice and hustle to achieve their dreams. But they had also never had to sacrifice each other, that was new. And where did that hustle leave their relationship? What time did that leave to nurture their garden that required time, energy, and dedication to stay alive? And the last few months were living proof of the consequences of not tending to that garden, significant parts of their relationship dying because of it. 

“I don’t think so, babe. I’m sorry… I tried but I’m just not making progress on this paper. And it’s due tomorrow. I’m gonna be in this spot all night” 

Michael hung his head in disappointment, his hand scratching his head. He stayed silent as he tried to find words that did not fully showcase the extent of his disappointment and frustration.

“I’m sorry, Mike, seriously,” she interjected, closing the book next to her. “I can make it up to you? In two weeks, finals’ll be done and I’ll be all yours, half naked… on the beach.” She smiled slyly as she stood, wrapping her arms around him. She could not wait to get their vacation, Michael treating her to a beach getaway to celebrate the end of her semester. It was a needed vacation for both of them, a bright spot at the end of a dark and long tunnel, and given their lack of emotional intimacy as of late, she was looking forward to a week of spending time with only him. 

However, she was surprised to find a despondent look on his face as she mused about their upcoming trip. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Babe…” he started to say, Chastity immediately cutting him off. She removed herself from his arms, folding hers across her chest in frustration. 

“Mike. NO. What the fuck? We’ve had this planned for months!” 

Michael threw his hands up in the air. “What do you want me to say, Chas?! This director reached out and it’s a last minute opportunity. I-I can’t pass it up. I gotta go for table reads in New York the week of our trip.” 

Chastity glanced up at the ceiling, hopeful that it would stop her tears from falling. 

“I-I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you,” he tried to offer but Chastity merely scoffed. 

“Make it up to me when? You’re gonna be gone in New York, then you have another project all summer and then I’m back in school. There is no time to make it up to me!” 

“Shit! I’m doin’ the best I can, babe! I’m tryin’ to be there for you and get my career going.” 

She merely shook her head, her palms pressing into her eyes as tears started to fall. She hated crying.  

“I-If this is the best we can do…” she mumbled as she sat down on the couch. She was exhausted, finally feeling the compounding weight of their repeated failures on her shoulders. When she looked back over the last month, she did not see the fruits of their best efforts, the benefits of “trying.” She merely saw the destruction their failures left behind.  

She twiddled her thumbs as she stared at her hands, feeling his weight on the couch as he sat down beside her. 

“What if… it’s just not in cards for us, babe?” 

Michael turned around sharply, already feeling his world crumbling as her words hit him. “W-what are you saying, Chas?” 

Chastity looked up at the ceiling as tears stung the back of her eyes. “B-believe me, it’s not what I want, Michael. But our lives are j-just not… We’ve been trying our hardest for the last few months and its only led to this… mess. It’s not working… w-we aren’t working.” 

As much as it broke his heart, he had no argument to offer, not one that was rooted in logic at least. Because she was right. They had been ships passing in the night for months and despite efforts on both sides to adjust and compromise, there was only so much adjusting an actor and college student could do regardless of how much they loved each other. They wanted it to work, but in this iteration of their lives, neither saw a world in which it could. They could stay together and make it work just because they loved each other. But they both knew that would only lead to more resentment. Chasity was merely the first one brave enough to confront that fact. 

Michael’s hand roughly wiped away a tear making its way down his cheek. “Nah you’re right. I c-can’t give you need or deserve right now.” 

Chastity shook her head. “This is not just on you, Mike. You need someone who can support your dreams and be there for you always. Right now, my life is this,” she gestured to the stack of books on her coffee table. “I’m tryin’ but there isn’t room for much else.” 

“So this is it?” 

“I j-just don’t see another option. A-and it kills me. You have to know that. B-but this, this half life we are living together? It just hurts too much,” she whispered, her voice breaking. 

“Nah, nah. I u-understand.” 

“I-I love you so much, you know that?” 

“I l-love you too.” 

Michael pressed his lips to her head, letting out a strangled sigh before he turned to leave. He did not look back at her, he knew if he did, he would not be able to walk out the door. And she did not look at him, for if she did, she would not have been able to let him leave. But they both knew they had to - he had to leave and she had to let him. Because they deserved more than what the other could give them. And their careers deserved a chance to flourish without someone, even someone they loved with all their might, holding them back. 

“Bye, Chastity…” he offered a final word before he exited. 

“Bye Michael.” 

***

7 years later

“Oof I’m starvin’” Michael muttered as he, Steelo, and a couple other friends sat down at their table at the back of Nobu. He rubbed his hands together as he scanned the menu. Despite its popularity, it still managed to be delicious and worth every dollar every time he went. His eyes felt significantly bigger than his stomach as he wanted to devour everything he could. 

“Aye bruh,” Steelo gently hit him on his arm to get his attention. The man pointed toward a table of women on the other side of the restaurant. Despite the distance of the restaurant, Michael would recognize the woman at the center of the booth any day from miles away. “That aint’ Chas, is it??” 

Michael cleared his throat awkwardly. “Nah it is.” He had not seen her since they broke up years ago. Time had diminished his heartache, but it had not diminished his feelings for her. Since their break up, he had felt those feelings in tiny sparks at random moments. Something or someone or a place ignited a memory of her and those feelings flared for a brief moment. Then they disappeared, shoved back into the crevices of his mind where he could not feel them again. Until the next time.

However, in this moment, he did not feel sparks. He felt those feelings like a burning fire, consuming every other emotion in his mind like fuel until it was the only thing left worth feeling at all. And that was far worse, far more uncomfortable than the momentary pain. This forced him to remember it all, pine for it all again, and mourn what he lost when they broke up.

His life had moved on, his star had rose just as Chas said it would. And he kept up with her career, as much as he could without seeming stalker-ish, and knew her star was rising as well. However, his heart was stagnant, frozen in time with her. He had tried to find other partners, other women who could fade into the background and be the supportive woman on his arm. But none of them compared or even came close. 

Because recently, he realized the last thing he wanted was a supportive trophy girl on his arm. He wanted a woman with her own shit, who was a star in her own right and who knew how to stand alone without him. That was the definition of Chastity. And even across the dim restaurant, he could see her radiating the same beauty he remembered. If anything, time had only increased that glow. 

“Stop staring bruh. It’s gettin’ awkward. Don’t be a fuckin’ creeper.” Steelo instructed, Michael immediately removing his eyes from her table as his friends all snickered at him. He knew what he looked like, a love sick puppy. But he was who he was. A man still in love with a woman he knew he could not have. 

“Alright this is fuckin’ weird. Imma go say hey.” Steelo decided, tired of the awkward silence that drowned on as Michael stole glances at her table and ignored the conversations at theirs. 

“What?? Nah nigga. Sit yo ass down,” Michael instructed, his voice low and annoyed as Steelo stood up. 

“Nah nigga. We know them, went to school with them. Imma go over, gauge… I’ll give you the signal and then you come over and say what’s up. She’s gonna have to walk by this table to leave so let’s just get the awkward shit outta the way now, aight? Damn” he muttered under his breath. “This nigga always got somethin’.” 

Michael’s hands awkwardly rubbed against his jeans as he felt his palms get sweaty. With every step Steelo took toward the table, his heartbeat grew louder and louder in his ear until it was a thundering drum beat. He stood up abruptly. 

“Imma go to the bathroom,” he announced before scurrying away from the table and toward the back, locking himself in the restroom. He braced himself over the sink. 

“Fuck. What’s wrong with you, Mike?” He asked himself as he looked in the mirror. There was a time when he planned to spend the rest of his life with this girl and now he could not get the courage to cross a restaurant and utter a one-syllable word: hey. 

Michael usually did not give into his fear. He felt it, just like every other human being, but he refused to give it control. His philosophy usually was that if something scared you, you were on the right track. However, with Chastity, talking to her scared him and he did not know if his usual philosophy applied. Their break up was amicable at the time. But had time changed how she felt about him? How she viewed their teenage-into-adulthood romance? Michael certainly could have been a better boyfriend back in those days. He had learned a lot in the game of adulting and there were things he wished he could go back and do differently. Did she hold those things against him? 

He did not know and he was afraid to find out. But he knew he could not hole up in the bathroom until she and their friends left. He would have to find courage from somewhere, even if he had to pretend to be a version of himself he was not. He could act courageous even if he did not feel it. 

He swung open the door to the bathroom to find his way back to their table, shocked to literally run into Chastity on the way out. 

“Oof!” 

“My bad!” He immediately offered before he realized who it was. “C-Chastity?” 

“Wild way to say hello after so many years, Mike,” she laughed as she rolled her shoulder for a moment and moved around him toward the women’s bathroom door. 

“What can I say? Always had a flair for the dramatic, right?” He offered. 

“Yea, you did. We get older but somethings never change, huh?” 

Michael chuckled, immediately feeling a bit at ease as she started off with a playful jab. This was their way, their banter, constant jokes. He missed that. 

“You might be right about that.” He glanced up and down at her, she looked beautiful. Her body was still worth feasting on, her curves filling out in all the right places as she grew older. “H-how you been?” 

Chas shrugged, “Good, good. Just working, honestly. Long hours kill me but that’s the grind right? What about you? I see you taking Hollywood by storm, Mr. Superstar.” 

“Like you always said I would. Wouldn’t have gotten this far without you,” he offered humbly. And he meant it. Chastity supported every project and every dream, even the ones that seemed wild and outlandish. She had been his motivation and biggest cheerleader. And since he lost her for this career, he always felt this push to do everything he could to be successful so that sacrifice they both made would be worth something. 

“I don’t believe that for a second,” she laughed, her hand waving to dismiss him. “You were always a star. Long before you met me.” 

“Eh you brought it out of me though. Supported me through it all,” his hand grabbed hers, his thumb rubbing patterns on the back of her hand. 

Chastity’s eyes gently fell closed at his touch. She had forgotten how much she missed it, how much comfort it provided. When you go without for so long, time diminishes what the thing you lacked actually felt like. You start to get used to life without it, build a routine to the point where, it no longer feels like you are missing anything at all. But now that she had it again, she wanted to bask in it and never let it go. 

However, she knew she could not. That was not who they were, not anymore. It pained her but she gently and slowly removed her hand from his, using it the awkwardly scratch her arm just to appear to have something to do. 

“So you got the whole gang out here, I see?” He cleared his throat and gestured toward her table. 

“Oh yea. Shauna’s birthday so they all came out to visit. It’s been nice to have ‘em here. Crazy that we ran into y’all. Small world.” 

“For sure.” 

They stared at each other for a few moments, an awkward but not unpleasant silence settling between them. Chastity was the first one to decide to break it. Not because she wanted to leave but because she was fearful of what would happen if she stayed. Michael was her kryptonite and if she stayed too long in his lingering stare and touch, she would never be able to make herself leave. And she would not be able to keep certain skeletons buried where they belonged. 

“U-Um, I better head back before they think someone kidnapped me,” she joked, causing him to laugh. “It was really good to see you.” 

She started to return to the table, her mission to go to the bathroom to avoid Michael long forgotten. 

“Hey Chas!” Michael stopped her. 

She turned and glanced at him. “What’s up?” 

“What are y’all doing tomorrow night?” 

“Nothing right now, why?” 

“Come by the house. Still the same number? I can text you the address. I’m having a cookout. Low-key, just friends, music, food, and drinks. Maybe y’all could swing by for a bit.” 

Chastity nodded. She knew it was not a good idea. They had only been in each other’s presence for 5 minutes and they were already falling back into old patterns. However, she also knew she could not say no, not to him. Not to the chance of spending time with him again. Even if it was fleeting, she wanted it and needed it. 

“Sure, I’ll run it by the girls. And yea, same number.” 

“Ok cool.” He threw caution to the wind and wrapped her in a hug before letting her go. His heart smiled at the way her body instinctively relaxed into his. He wished they could’ve stayed like that, in each other’s arms all night, but they both had people to get back to. 

They broke apart and retreated to their tables, each of them stealing a glance back at the other as they went. 

“So ladies…” Chastity slid back into their booth, a sly grin painted on her face. “What do yall think about going to a party tomorrow?” 

“At Michael’s??” One of them asked. 

At Chastity’s nods, the girls only had one response: 

“Say less.” 

***

“You gonna go find your man?” Shauna asked as Chastity and the girls walked through Michael’s foyer. It was packed with people, the vibe feeling more like a party than a cookout but she recognized some familiar faces from school, guys that still were cool with Michael. They had not even seen the host yet, it was so crowded, Steelo had welcomed them into his spot. 

“We just got here, Shauna. And he’s entertaining and shit. I’m sure I’ll see him at some point.” 

Even as she spoke, her eyes intently searched the crowd for his familiar handsome face. But she did not see him anywhere. 

“You gonna shoot your shot when you see him?” 

Chastity rolled her eyes and huffed. “You know I can’t do that and you know why.” 

Shauna merely shrugged. “I know that nigga still loves you. And you still love him. And if you just tell him what happened, which he deserves to know anyway, maybe y’all can get back to where you were. The past is the past, Chas. Don’t let it dictate your shit for the rest of your life.” 

Chastity had little time to process Shauna’s words when someone grabbed her gently by the arm. She turned to find Michael standing behind her, a bright grin on his face. 

“You made it!” 

He handed her a drink, her favorite liquor and mixer inside it. She smiled, “Quite the party you got goin’ here. And you remembered?” 

He shrugged. “I remember everything about you, girl. And just like to get the folks together every once and while between projects. Have a good time n shit. You want a tour?” He gestured toward the house.

She instinctively nodded, though she regretted that decision nearly immediately. As she followed him through the downstairs and upstairs, she knew being alone was likely not a good idea for either of them but it seemed her common sense had little power over her legs or voice. Because she used neither to escape the situation. She just followed her heart, and that led her through Michael’s house. 

She was in awe of his spot, expansive and beautiful but it still managed to feel like a home. She lost track of the amount of times she commented on how amazing it was by the time they reached his bar upstairs. 

“Two bars, you got a problem you wanna talk about??” 

She asked jokingly as she sat on one of his barstools in his gaming room. He let out a barking laugh. 

“I just like to entertain and this gives me a couple different options. Also hate running around the whole damn house when I want a drink.” 

“Totally fair,” she remarked. 

“What about you? Got a good spot?” 

She nodded. “Yea, yea. A condo downtown in a high rise. It’s not this,” she laughed, “But it’s home.” 

Michael sat in the barstool next to her, the pair catching up in the quietness of his upstairs “man cave” while the party raged downstairs. Neither of them paid attention to the time that passed as they talked about their careers and their families, both of them sharing the latest family drama they had to offer. Chastity forgot what it was like to share intimate moments like this with someone, forgot what it was like to laugh this hard with him and joke and be free. The longer she sat there in seclusion with him, the more she missed him. And the more she realized how she never stopped missing him, how her love for him never truly faded, she just tucked it away where it could not bother her anymore. And the more she wondered if her best friend’s words held some truth.

“That’s hilarious… he sounds adorable, I’m glad they are doing good,” Chastity offered as Michael showed her a funny video of his nephew. “You were always excellent with kids so I know you're having a ball.” 

He nodded. “I really am. He's great.” 

The conversation lulled for a moment, Michael staring at her for a moment before he added. “I’m really happy you came. I fuckin’ missed you.” 

“I missed you too.” 

The pair locked eyes for a moment, years of pining and unsaid feelings passing between them. Chastity had not looked in his eyes for years and yet they held the same thing they did back then: immense love and adoration. Love and adoration she did not know if she still deserved from him. 

“U-Um, I should go,” she whispered, her eyes falling to her lap. “Find the girls.” 

She started to walk toward the door until she felt his hand grab hers. In one swift motion, he pulled her into his embrace, his lips crashing onto hers. She moaned as he kissed her roughly, her back hitting the wall. His lips searched for every inch of available skin to kiss and taste, both of them seeking a feeling that they had gone without for far too long. 

However, Chastity knew she could not let this go down the road it was headed without telling him the truth. 

“Michael,” she pressed her hand to his chest, breaking away from his kiss. It was not that she did not want it. She did, desperately so. However, if that kiss signified a second chance for them, she could not pursue it until he knew the full story, their full story. And if she did not do it now, she would never have the courage to do it again. 

“I-I’m sorry. I s-shouldn’t have done that. I-It’s just…” 

She shook her head, “No, no. I-I want it. I want you.” Their foreheads pressed against each other’s for a moment. “But before we… I need to tell you something. Something that happened after we broke up.” 

Michael took a step back, his anxiety immediately spiraling as he took in the look of pain and sorrow on her face. Similar to his love for her, his care for her as a person and her safety had not diminished either. 

“W-what happened?” 

Chastity wiped a stray tear that fell from her eyes. She never liked to think about it, the cramping that woke her up in the middle of the night, the fear that tore the sound and words out of her voice as she tried to call a friend to take her to the ER, the panic that dug its claws into her soul on the ride there, the sharp rollercoaster of shock and grief when she found out in a span of 5 minutes that she had been pregnant and lost their baby. 

She thought about calling Michael in the days after. She knew he would come if she called, knew he would support her and help her heal. She laid in bed and cycled between sobbing and staring at his name in her phone contemplating whether to hit the call button. But each time she came close, she always stopped herself. She knew he would come and if he did, she would never truly move on. She was still heartbroken on top of everything else, still yearned for him above all else. And she knew she needed to learn how to stand and heal on her own. And she decided it was unfair to drop this trauma on him when there was nothing that could be done. She may have had to live with the pain, but he did not have to too. 

She wiped a tear from her cheek. She had rarely spoken about the miscarriage, it had always been too painful. It was a period of her life she desired to forget. 

“Ummm… about two months after we broke up, I w-woke up one night in p-pain. L-Like nothing I had ever felt. Went to the ER and… I w-was pregnant.” 

His eyes grew wide. “P-pregnant?” He could not hide the shock in his voice. Though when he thought back to it, it made sense. In the weeks leading up to the breakup, he recalled her complaining of nausea and fatigue. They both assumed it was the stress of her school work. “W-why didn’t you t-tell me?” 

She shook her head. “T-there was nothing to tell. W-when I got to the ER that night, they told me I was pregnant… and that I m-miscarried.” 

Michael could not stop the tears that flowed like rivers down his face. He did not know how he could grieve a life he did not know existed and never met. But he felt it, waves of it crashing over him as he looked at her. They had talked about kids back then, even at their young age. How many, what they would look like, which of them they would be more like. Sure it was all talk, but a future they both had seen so clearly with each other, that it had felt real. 

And now, he knew that they had created something together and their breakup had cost them that. He also felt guilt, wondering if his inability to make their relationship work had led to this outcome. And that felt worse than any physical wound he had ever experienced, it was a searing pain he could not escape from. 

“W-was it the b-break up?” He asked quietly, his guilt clear in his voice. 

Chastity immediately shook her head, rushing up to him and pulling him in an embrace. She leaned back and held his head in her hands, her thumb wiping away his tears. She hated that he felt guilty, this was one of the many reasons she chose to keep this to herself for so long. She did not find it fair transfer this pain onto him, particularly so many years later.

“No. Listen to me. Th-this was no one’s fault, I promise you. T-the doctors said it c-could’ve been anything. The stress from finals o-or nothing to do with any of that at all. It just happens a-and there isn't really anything you can do, they said.” 

He nodded. “A-are you ok?” His hands went to her waist, holding onto her. 

She smiled and nodded. “Y-yea, yea. The weeks after were the hardest but over time… it’s gotten better. A-and the doctors said it won’t affect any long-term fertility so I guess that’s good?” She mumbled. “I-It was hard… doing it alone though. I wanted to call you so many times, Michael,” she whispered, her head thudding into his chest. His hands rubbed soothing circles in her back. “I-I just knew I wouldn’t be able to let you go a second time if I let you back in, even when I really needed you. S-So I dealt with it alone. It w-was h-hard. A-and I’m sorry I never told you. A-and am just dropping it on you like this. I-I just think you needed to know if we were gonna…” her words trailed off but Michael did not need her to finish the sentence, he knew what she meant.  

Michael tightened his arms around her. “Nah, I-I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. You shouldn’t’ve gone through that alone." He pressed a teary kiss to her forehead. “I-I love you so much. I never stopped loving you, Chas. D-don’t think I ever will.”

“I never stopped loving you either,” she whispered. 

Michael held her for a few more minutes before her phone started to buzz. 

“Y-You should answer those, it’s probably your girls thinkin’ I kidnapped you,” he joked, cutting some of the more serious tension in the room. 

“Y-yea I should let them know I’m good.” 

She shot off a few texts before turning back to him. “S-sorry, they were just reminding me we made dinner reservations. I-I should go.” 

Her heart almost broke at the disappointed look on his face. However, before she left, he reached out for her hand. 

“I know this might be a lot to ask a-and we have a lot to talk about but… stay? I want us back, Chas. There'll never be another woman like you out there for me. You're it. Stay. Please” 

Chastity stared at him for a moment, before texting her friends. 

Head to dinner without me. I’ll be good here.

She then turned her phone off and slid it into her back pocket. She giggled as Michael pulled her back to his embrace. 

“So we really gonna do this again?” She asked, stifling a small moan as he kissed and sucked on the soft skin of her neck, immediately going to a sensitive spot there that he knew drove her wild. 

“Hell yea. And it’ll be better than it ever was.” 

“Yea, it will.” 

Fin.

A/N: ahhh my first request for MBJ. Such a fun prompt for me too! Not sure how many I can reasonably do lol but I liked it so I will keep doing the occasional one if you're interested/have a prompt! Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you want to be tagged in MBJ fics!

[eitaababe]

CHAPTER TWO.

╰┈➤ DIFFICULT !

series masterlist. | previous / next

a/n — this is literally so short and such a filler chapter too i'm sorry it took me so long to get out </3

─── ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ───

By the end of the morning, you've concluded that you have arrhythmia.

It has to be, because you're trying to deny the only other possible reason your heart would be beating this fast in your chest.

And it doesn't make sense, really. That you're getting nervous around a boy you met maybe only a few days ago, a boy who practically ran you into a wall on the first meeting.

You can't wrap your head around the countless daydreams you've gotten lost in, all involving what you've imagined to be a warm touch, a contagious smile, and just being with him.

And it's stupid, childish and unlike you, to hopelessly lose yourself in some dumb fantasy with a cute boy you really don't know at all. But in spite of your efforts, you still can't help yourself falling down the rabbit hole of what if's.

So you ignore his many texts to you, his number not saved in your phone but memorized from the amount of texts you've gotten. Lo'ak was concerned for you— that much was made clear from the amount of 'how are you's?' or 'u sure u ok?'.

But you refuse to respond to them, leaving him on delivered, despite jumping up every time you get a notification on your phone and seeing that it's from him.

You're dozing in and out of conscious when you realize your morning lecture is finally wrapping up, the people around you all starting to pack up and leave. You're close to doing the same when the professor calls your name, and you turn around, scared he's about to scold you for your lack of attention today. "Yes, professor?"

"I wanted to talk to you about an opportunity from one of our trainers here on campus."

You raised a brow, intrigued. "Really?"

"Yes," he continues. "She's looking for an apprentice for a few months, to help her during the basketball games. She was asking for one of my better students, so I recommended you. It would also count as your internship part for this class."

Shocked and now wide awake, and a little proud you were recommended for the job, you smiled, nodding your head excitedly. "I would love to! Thank you so much for the recommendation. Do you know how I can contact her?"

"Her names Coach Via, here's her card with all her information. She's really eager for you to start— if you're able to you can meet her in the gym right now, basketball's training right now."

"I'll be right on it, thank you so much again!" You called out as you exited the classroom, locating the entrance of the gym and opening the doors, stilling as soon as you walked in.

You were met with the dribbling of basketballs and the sound of shooting, when everyone seemingly paused as you walked in, clearly invading their practice time.

"Um, hi," you called out, pausing when you scanned the room of unfamiliar faces, landing on the one you were trying to avoid this whole time.

He was on the basketball team?

Your throat went dry, and you snapped out of your state of panic when you realized nobody greeted you back. "Sorry, I'm looking for your trainer? Via?"

At the sound of her name, the girl walked in with the coach, who yelled at the boys to be respectful to the newcomer, and for them to continue on with their practice.

They kept on, all ignoring your presence except for a certain three boys, which went over your head as the trainer and coach approached you.

"You must be Y/n."

At the call of your name you nod, shaking hands with the woman. "And I'm guessing you're coach Via?"

"That I am. Thanks for coming on such short notice, by the way. It's nice to have a helping hand over here."

"Thank you, really. It's a great opportunity for me." You smiled, gaze faltering to the boy just across the room, doing a 1v1 drill with another teammate.

The coach, who you forgot was standing near you both, finally spoke up. "Thanks for helping around here, Y/n. I apologize in advance for the boys though, do you know any of them?"

As you look back, really only paying attention to Lo'ak, you shake your head no. "Uh- no, can't say I do."

"Ah, I'll make sure to introduce you at the end of practice then."

You thank the head coach and follow Via into another room, looking around curiously.

"This is where we store most of our supplies— tape for the boys, any kt tape, ice and whatnot."

"Gotcha." You smiled, and before Via continued there was a knock on the door, someone's large figure taking up the space in the doorframe.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?"

You're almost sure you're having a heart attack when you recognize the voice.

"Not at all!" Via replies before you can process what's even happening. "What do you need?"

"Jammed my finger, just need it taped."

"This sounds like one for you, Y/n," The girl innocently smiles, completely unaware of the panic she's just caused. "Tapes in the drawer over there. I'll be back in the gym if you need anything else."

And then there were two.

You quickly move to the drawer before either of you get the chance to say something, grabbing the roll and moving towards Lo'ak, hesitantly reaching for his hand. His touch is warm— hot against your icy hands and somehow soothing.

"Which fingers need to be taped?" Your tone is formal, distant and cold, and Lo'ak frowns at the way you address him.

But he decides to stay silent, opting for wiggling them and letting you do your job.

You take the tape, gently closing the two fingers together and wrapping the strand of tape around them, tearing it off and sticking it closed. "Anything else?"

He's quiet for a quick moment, eyes traveling upwards to meet your own. "Why are you avoiding me?"

You freeze with your back turned to him, in the process of putting the tape back. "I don't," you stutter, unsure of how you got stuck in this situation. "I don't know what you mean."

"Look, I'm sorry if I was too forward or anything, but you stormed off that day in the cafe," he recalled, walking over to stand in front of you, trying to meet your eyes again. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't," you shake your head, coming up with an excuse. "I was in a rush. Didn't think I would make it to class on time."

"Liar," He calls you out, and you feel frozen once again, scared that he'll say out loud what you've been thinking the past week.

"You were just too scared to ride on my motorcycle again."

Or maybe not.

You almost breathe out in relief, and shake your head, laughing lightly. "Whatever."

"Don't 'whatever' me!" He laughs back, looking down at you. "I promise next time I'll take my car."

"Next time?" You inquire, raising a brow.

"Well- I mean- what I meant-" He stumbled over his words, scratching his head awkwardly. "I was kind of hoping there was gonna be a next time."

"As long as you're still paying, that's fine by me."

"It's a date," He grinned foolishly as he started to leave the room, heading back to practice. "I mean-"

"It's a date." You find yourself confirming it, your grin matching his.

─── ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ───

After basketballs practice ended, you head back to the apartment, immediately crashing onto your shared couch.

What's gotten into you? You're asking yourself so many questions, unable to train your mind from thinking of Lo'ak, how it felt to have his hand against yours, or how you're all of a sudden agreeing to a date with the boy you've met just a couple weeks ago, if that.

You're interrupted from spiraling any further when the jangle of keys sound from outside, and you realize your roommates home.

She's fast to notice your state of mind as you lay on the couch.

"What's wrong, roomie?"

"I hate men." You confide, groaning into the pillow.

"There's a boy?" Tsireya asks, her tone changing from concerned to curious. "Who is it?"

"Lo'ak Sully," you admit, and with your head buried deep into the couch, you miss her shocked expression. "I guess I agreed to go on a coffee date with him."

"I know him!" Tsireya pipes up, and you raise your head.

"You do?"

"He's a sweet guy, y/n. We're friends, kinda. But what's wrong with him?"

"Nothing! That's the problem!"

She tilts her head dumbly at you. "...What?"

"I've barely known the guy for two weeks and I can't stop imagining stupid scenarios about him. I hardly know the guy, I don't even know why I'm doing this." You complain as Tsireya takes a seat next to you.

"Y/n, it's okay to go on dates with people, you know? Have some fun, and you'll get to know him along the way. Stop throwing yourself into this fit of worry, and just enjoy the moment."

"That's-" you paused, taking a moment to collect your thoughts and stare at Tsireya. "Good advice, actually."

"What can I say, it's what I'm good for." She smiles at you, leaving to her own room, and you alone with your thoughts.

─── ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ───

You wake up to another text from Lo'ak, and you're sure of it, as you'd finally saved his number in your phone.

'Pick you up in 10?'

You respond with a quick 'yes' and get up, rushing to get ready on time. With no class today, you're not too worried about your books, settling for packing your laptop and your notes, then meeting Lo'ak outside, slightly shocked at the sight of a car.

"No motorcycle this time?"

"Couldn't risk bringing it, it was driving you away," He grins, unlocking the door. "Same cafe?"

"Yeah." You nod, still speaking quietly, and still somewhat reserved, despite Tsireya's advice.

"You're quiet." Lo'ak points out, not taking his eyes off the road.

"What if I'm normally quiet?"

"Something tells me that the way you kept rambling about the motorcycle that you're not as reserved as you say you are."

"Whatever," You brush him off with a roll of your eyes, leaning back in the chair. "Maybe I just don't like you."

"You agreed to go out on a date with me!"

"Maybe I felt bad."

"Literally get out." He joked, his laugh echoing loudly throughout the car.

"I'm not getting out of a moving car, Lo'ak."

"I could pull over and let you out."

"Shut up and drive me to my free coffee please."

"Starting to regret asking you out on a date." He smiles, glancing over at you before pulling into the parking lot.

"No you're not." You retorted, waiting for him to park and getting out and grabbing your bag, walking to the familiar cafe.

"Yeah," he smiles at you, and you're sure your heart skips a few beats with how he looks at you. "I'm not."

As you walk into the cafe, you realize, you're in a lot deeper than you thought you were.

And maybe you don't realize it,

But so is he.

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