#internet will make you type up blog posts such as this out of a need to defend yourself and your rsd
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â§ girlblogging saved my life | tribute to girlbloggers of tumblr

đ a love letter to the girls who feel everything all at once
hi angel. mindy here.
i just want to talk to you for a second. not as a persona, not as a brand, not even as a blog, but as a girl who started typing into a blank text box one day and never stopped.
because the truth is, i didnât make this blog because i was healed. i made it because i was hurting.
and somewhere between the aesthetic pinterest photos, the late-night diary entries, the posts that only got 3 notes, the 2am reblogs of girls who looked like soft versions of my pain... i found something. i found you.
âż
i didnât know i was creating a life raft when i made this blog. but looking back, i can see it so clearly now: i was a girl who needed a safe place to feel everything. to be too much, too emotional, too ambitious, too dreamy. irl, i felt like i was being graded for everything, my appearance, my intelligence, my tone of voice, even the way i sat in a chair. everything had to be curated and clean and perfect.
but on here? on tumblr? i could fall apart in lowercase.
i could write things like âi feel like a forgotten ballerina in a dusty theaterâ and no one would ask me if i was okay. theyâd just reblog it with âme too.â and somehow, that felt more healing than any conversation iâd ever had.
âż
girlblogging didnât just save my life. it gave me one.
a life where i could romanticize my flashcards, where healing could look like claw clips and classical music and drinking water in a wine glass. a life where i could turn loneliness into poetry and ambition into art. a life where i wasnât just surviving... i was curating, creating, soft-launching a girl i had always dreamed of being.
i started girlblogging when i didnât have the words for what i was feeling. but now i know, it was grief. it was burnout. it was self-abandonment. and slowly, one pink post-it thought at a time, i started writing my way back to myself.
âż
when people ask what girlblogging even is, i just smile. because itâs not something you can explain in one sentence. itâs something you feel.
itâs the way you post blurry photos of your eyeliner because it makes you feel powerful. itâs the way you build entire personalities out of fictional girls like spencer hastings, wonyoung, cher horowitz, and elle woods. itâs the way you turn your trauma into templates and your survival into routines. itâs how we whisper âyouâre not aloneâ to each other through digital scraps of diaries, gifs, playlists, and checklists titled â§ how to feel like yourself again.
girlblogging is archiving your girlhood in real-time. and i think thatâs the most radical thing weâve ever done.
âż
iâve met girls here who are quiet geniuses. girls who write like moonlight. girls who study like the world is ending. girls whoâve taught me how to rest, how to flirt with life again, how to turn breakdowns into soft resets. girls who made me feel seen in a way real life never did.
and the best part? theyâre just like me. just like you. weâre all here, in this glittery corner of the internet, building worlds from our bedrooms, lighting candles for each other, sending each other healing in the form of moodboards and poetry and routines.
this is a community of unspoken survival. we never say it directly. we just post something beautiful and hope someone else recognizes the ache behind it.
and we do. every time.
âż
so this is my love letter. to you. to the girlbloggers. to the dreamers who stayed up late to make a new aesthetic header even though they had homework. to the girls who reblogged posts about self-worth while silently trying to believe them. to the ones who took notes like it was an artform. to the ones who healed in lowercase and sparkles. to the ones who are still learning how to love themselves in soft, sustainable ways.
you saved me. girlblogging saved me. you taught me how to live again.
and i just want to say... whatever youâre going through, youâre not weird for needing this space. youâre not cringey for making everything an aesthetic. youâre not âtoo muchâ for feeling everything at once.
youâre just a girl in the middle of becoming. and thatâs a sacred thing.
never let the world convince you that softness isnât powerful. it is. it always has been.
âż
so keep posting your little poems and guides. keep updating your theme at 1am. keep reblogging things that feel like you. because maybe girlblogging isnât about being seen. maybe itâs about seeing yourself for the first time in forever.
and maybe thatâs enough.
tributed to all the girlblogging community on tumblr + these amazing creators/girlbloggers:
@prettieinpink
@honeytonedhottie
@b3byd0ll
@thegirlingold
@dollywons
@agirlwithglam
@cantmakeitonmyown
@bunnysdollette
@maxiglow
@malusokay
@girljournal
@bloomzone
@4theitgirls
@milkoomi
@realprissygirl
~ mindy âĄ

#girlblogging#girlhood#manic pixie dream girl#dark feminine energy#dark femininity#female rage#female hysteria#femcel#girl interupted syndrome#just girly things#tumblr girls#this is what makes us girls#hell is a teenage girl#cinnamon girl#im just a girl#this is a girlblog#girl interrupted#maniac pixie dream girl#coquette angel#angel#angelcore#lana del ray aesthetic#lana del ray aka lizzy grant#lana del rey#lizzy grant aesthetic#girlblogging saved my life#glowettee thoughts#coquette healing club
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autocrattic (more matt shenanigans, not tumblr this time)
I am almost definitely not the right person for this writeup, but I'm closer than most people on here, so here goes! This is all open-source tech drama, and I take my time laying out the context, but the short version is: Matt tried to extort another company, who immediately posted receipts, and now he's refusing to log off again. The long version is... long.
If you don't need software context, scroll down/find the "ok tony that's enough. tell me what's actually happening" heading, or just go read the pink sections. Or look at this PDF.
the background
So. Matt's original Good Idea was starting WordPress with fellow developer Mike Little in 2003, which is free and open-source software (FOSS) that was originally just for blogging, but now powers lots of websites that do other things. In particular, Automattic acquired WooCommerce a long time ago, which is free online store software you can run on WordPress.
FOSS is... interesting. It's a world that ultimately is powered by people who believe deeply that information and resources should be free, but often have massive blind spots (for example, Wikipedia's consistently had issues with bias, since no amount of "anyone can edit" will overcome systemic bias in terms of who has time to edit or is not going to be driven away by the existing contributor culture). As with anything else that people spend thousands of hours doing online, there's drama. As with anything else that's technically free but can be monetized, there are:
Heaps of companies and solo developers who profit off WordPress themes, plugins, hosting, and other services;
Conflicts between volunteer contributors and for-profit contributors;
Annoying founders who get way too much credit for everything the project has become.
the WordPress ecosystem
A project as heavily used as WordPress (some double-digit percentage of the Internet uses WP. I refuse to believe it's the 43% that Matt claims it is, but it's a pretty large chunk) can't survive just on the spare hours of volunteers, especially in an increasingly monetised world where its users demand functional software, are less and less tech or FOSS literate, and its contributors have no fucking time to build things for that userbase.
Matt runs Automattic, which is a privately-traded, for-profit company. The free software is run by the WordPress Foundation, which is technically completely separate (wordpress.org). The main products Automattic offers are WordPress-related: WordPress.com, a host which was designed to be beginner-friendly; Jetpack, a suite of plugins which extend WordPress in a whole bunch of ways that may or may not make sense as one big product; WooCommerce, which I've already mentioned. There's also WordPress VIP, which is the fancy bespoke five-digit-plus option for enterprise customers. And there's Tumblr, if Matt ever succeeds in putting it on WordPress. (Every Tumblr or WordPress dev I know thinks that's fucking ridiculous and impossible. Automattic's hiring for it anyway.)
Automattic devotes a chunk of its employees toward developing Core, which is what people in the WordPress space call WordPress.org, the free software. This is part of an initiative called Five for the Future â 5% of your company's profits off WordPress should go back into making the project better. Many other companies don't do this.
There are lots of other companies in the space. GoDaddy, for example, barely gives back in any way (and also sucks). WP Engine is the company this drama is about. They don't really contribute to Core. They offer relatively expensive WordPress hosting, as well as providing a series of other WordPress-related products like LocalWP (local site development software), Advanced Custom Fields (the easiest way to set up advanced taxonomies and other fields when making new types of posts. If you don't know what this means don't worry about it), etc.
Anyway. Lots of strong personalities. Lots of for-profit companies. Lots of them getting invested in, or bought by, private equity firms.
Matt being Matt, tech being tech
As was said repeatedly when Matt was flipping out about Tumblr, all of the stuff happening at Automattic is pretty normal tech company behaviour. Shit gets worse. People get less for their money. WordPress.com used to be a really good place for people starting out with a website who didn't need "real" WordPress â for $48 a year on the Personal plan, you had really limited features (no plugins or other customisable extensions), but you had a simple website with good SEO that was pretty secure, relatively easy to use, and 24-hour access to Happiness Engineers (HEs for short. Bad job title. This was my job) who could walk you through everything no matter how bad at tech you were. Then Personal plan users got moved from chat to emails only. Emails started being responded to by contractors who didn't know as much as HEs did and certainly didn't get paid half as well. Then came AI, and the mandate for HEs to try to upsell everyone things they didn't necessarily need. (This is the point at which I quit.)
But as was said then as well, most tech CEOs don't publicly get into this kind of shitfight with their users. They're horrid tyrants, but they don't do it this publicly.
ok tony that's enough. tell me what's actually happening
WordCamp US, one of the biggest WordPress industry events of the year, is the backdrop for all this. It just finished.
There are.... a lot of posts by Matt across multiple platforms because, as always, he can't log off. But here's the broad strokes.
Sep 17
Matt publishes a wanky blog post about companies that profit off open source without giving back. It targets a specific company, WP Engine.
Compare the Five For the Future pages from Automattic and WP Engine, two companies that are roughly the same size with revenue in the ballpark of half a billion. These pledges are just a proxy and arenât perfectly accurate, but as I write this, Automattic has 3,786 hours per week (not even counting me!), and WP Engine has 47 hours. WP Engine has good people, some of whom are listed on that page, but the company is controlled by Silver Lake, a private equity firm with $102 billion in assets under management. Silver Lake doesnât give a dang about your Open Source ideals. It just wants a return on capital. So itâs at this point that I ask everyone in the WordPress community to vote with your wallet. Who are you giving your money to? Someone whoâs going to nourish the ecosystem, or someone whoâs going to frack every bit of value out of it until it withers?
(It's worth noting here that Automattic is funded in part by BlackRock, who Wikipedia calls "the world's largest asset manager".)
Sep 20 (WCUS final day)
WP Engine puts out a blog post detailing their contributions to WordPress.
Matt devotes his keynote/closing speech to slamming WP Engine.
He also implies people inside WP Engine are sending him information.
For the people sending me stuff from inside companies, please do not do it on your work device. Use a personal phone, Signal with disappearing messages, etc. I have a bunch of journalists happy to connect you with as well. #wcus â Twitter I know private equity and investors can be brutal (read the book Barbarians at the Gate). Please let me know if any employee faces firing or retaliation for speaking up about their company's participation (or lack thereof) in WordPress. We'll make sure it's a big public deal and that you get support. â Tumblr
Matt also puts out an offer live at WordCamp US:
âIf anyone of you gets in trouble for speaking up in favor of WordPress and/or open source, reach out to me. Iâll do my best to help you find a new job.â â source tweet, RTed by Matt
He also puts up a poll asking the community if WP Engine should be allowed back at WordCamps.
Sep 21
Matt writes a blog post on the WordPress.org blog (the official project blog!): WP Engine is not WordPress.
He opens this blog post by claiming his mom was confused and thought WP Engine was official.
The blog post goes on about how WP Engine disabled post revisions (which is a pretty normal thing to do when you need to free up some resources), therefore being not "real" WordPress. (As I said earlier, WordPress.com disables most features for Personal and Premium plans. Or whatever those plans are called, they've been renamed like 12 times in the last few years. But that's a different complaint.)
Sep 22: More bullshit on Twitter. Matt makes a Reddit post on r/Wordpress about WP Engine that promptly gets deleted. Writeups start to come out:
Search Engine Journal: WordPress Co-Founder Mullenweg Sparks Backlash
TechCrunch: Matt Mullenweg calls WP Engine a âcancer to WordPressâ and urges community to switch providers
Sep 23 onward
Okay, time zones mean I can't effectively sequence the rest of this.
Matt defends himself on Reddit, casually mentioning that WP Engine is now suing him.
Also here's a decent writeup from someone involved with the community that may be of interest.
WP Engine drops the full PDF of their cease and desist, which includes screenshots of Matt apparently threatening them via text.
Twitter link | Direct PDF link
This PDF includes some truly fucked texts where Matt appears to be trying to get WP Engine to pay him money unless they want him to tell his audience at WCUS that they're evil.
Matt, after saying he's been sued and can't talk about it, hosts a Twitter Space and talks about it for a couple hours.
He also continues to post on Reddit, Twitter, and on the Core contributor Slack.
Here's a comment where he says WP Engine could have avoided this by paying Automattic 8% of their revenue.
Another, 20 hours ago, where he says he's being downvoted by "trolls, probably WPE employees"
At some point, Matt updates the WordPress Foundation trademark policy. I am 90% sure this was him â it's not legalese and makes no fucking sense to single out WP Engine.
Old text: The abbreviation âWPâ is not covered by the WordPress trademarks and you are free to use it in any way you see fit. New text: The abbreviation âWPâ is not covered by the WordPress trademarks, but please donât use it in a way that confuses people. For example, many people think WP Engine is âWordPress Engineâ and officially associated with WordPress, which itâs not. They have never once even donated to the WordPress Foundation, despite making billions of revenue on top of WordPress.
Sep 25: Automattic puts up their own legal response.
anyway this fucking sucks
This is bigger than anything Matt's done before. I'm so worried about my friends who're still there. The internal ramifications have... been not great so far, including that Matt's naturally being extra gung-ho about "you're either for me or against me and if you're against me then don't bother working your two weeks".
Despite everything, I like WordPress. (If you dig into this, you'll see plenty of people commenting about blocks or Gutenberg or React other things they hate. Unlike many of the old FOSSheads, I actually also think Gutenberg/the block editor was a good idea, even if it was poorly implemented.)
I think that the original mission â to make it so anyone can spin up a website that's easy enough to use and blog with â is a good thing. I think, despite all the ways being part of FOSS communities since my early teens has led to all kinds of racist, homophobic and sexual harm for me and for many other people, that free and open-source software is important.
So many people were already burning out of the project. Matt has been doing this for so long that those with long memories can recite all the ways he's wrecked shit back a decade or more. Most of us are exhausted and need to make money to live. The world is worse than it ever was.
Social media sucks worse and worse, and this was a world in which people missed old webrings, old blogs, RSS readers, the world where you curated your own whimsical, unpaid corner of the Internet. I started actually actively using my own WordPress blog this year, and I've really enjoyed it.
And people don't want to deal with any of this.
The thing is, Matt's right about one thing: capital is ruining free open-source software. What he's wrong about is everything else: the idea that WordPress.com isn't enshittifying (or confusing) at a much higher rate than WP Engine, the idea that WP Engine or Silver Lake are the only big players in the field, the notion that he's part of the solution and not part of the problem.
But he's started a battle where there are no winners but the lawyers who get paid to duke it out, and all the volunteers who've survived this long in an ecosystem increasingly dominated by big money are giving up and leaving.
Anyway if you got this far, consider donating to someone on gazafunds.com. It'll take much less time than reading this did.
#tony muses#tumblr meta#again just bc that's my tag for all this#automattic#wordpress#this is probably really incoherent i apologise lmao#i may edit it
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My earliest memory of 4chan was sitting up late at night, typing its URL into my browser, and scrolling through a thread of LOLcat memes, which were brand-new at the time.
Back then a photoshop of a cat saying "I can has cheezburger" or an image of an owl saying âORLY?â was, without question, the funniest thing my 14-year-old brain had ever laid eyes on. So much so, I woke my dad up by laughing too hard and had to tell him that I was scrolling through pictures of cats at 2 in the morning. Later, I would become intimately familiar with the siteâs much more nefarious tendencies.
It's strange to look back at 4chan, apparently wiped off the internet entirely last week by hackers from a rival message board, and think about how many different websites it was over its more than two decades online. What began as a hub for internet culture and an anonymous way station for the internet's anarchic true believers devolved over the years into a fan club for mass shooters, the central node of Gamergate, and the beating heart of far-right fascism around the worldâa virus that infected every facet of our lives, from the slang we use to the politicians we vote for. But the site itself had been frozen in amber since the George W. Bush administration.
It is likely that there will never be a site like 4chan againâwhich is, likely, a very good thing. But it had also essentially already succeeded at its core project: chewing up the world and spitting it back out in its own image. Everythingâfrom X to Facebook to YouTubeânow sort of feels like 4chan. Which makes you wonder why it even needed to still exist.
"The novelty of a website devoted to shock and gore, and the rebelliousness inherent in it, dies when your opinions become the official policy of the world's five or so richest people and the government of the United States," the Onion CEO and former extremism reporter Ben Collins tells WIRED. âLike any ostensibly nihilist cultural phenomenon, it inherently dies if that phenomenon itself becomes The Man.â
My first experience with the more toxic side of the site came several years after my LOLcat all-nighter, when I was in college. I was a big Tumblr userâall my friends were on thereâand for about a year or so, our corner of the platform felt like an extension of the house parties we would throw. That cozy vibe came crashing down for me when I got doxed the summer going into my senior year. Someone made a âhate blogâ for meâone of the first times I felt the dark presence of an anonymous strangerâs digital ire, and posted my phone number on 4chan.
They played a prank that was popular on the site at the time, writing in a thread that my phone number was for a GameStop store that had a copy of the ultra-rare video game Battletoads. I received no less than 250 phone calls over the next 48 hours asking if I had a copy of the game.
Many of the 4chan users that called me mid-Battletoad attack left messages. I listened to all of them. A pattern quickly emerged: young men, clearly nervous to even leave a message, trying to harass a stranger for, seemingly, the hell of it. Those voicemails have never left me in the 15 years I've spent covering 4chan as a journalist.
I had a front-row seat to the way those timid men morphed into the violent, seething underbelly of the internet. The throbbing engine of reactionary hatred that resented everything and everyone simply because resentment was the only language its users knew how to speak. I traveled the world in the 2010s, tracing 4chanâs impact on global democracy. I followed it to France, Germany, Japan, and Brazil as 4chan's users became increasingly convinced that they could take over the planet through racist memes, far-right populism, and cyberbullying. And, in a way, they did. But the ubiquity of 4chan culture ended up being an oddly Pyrrhic victory for the site itself.
Collins, like me, closely followed 4chan's rise in the 2010s from internet backwater to unofficial propaganda organ of the Trump administration. As he sees it, once Elon Musk bought Twitter in 2022 there was really no point to 4chan anymore. Why hide behind anonymity if a billionaire lets you post the same kind of extremist content under your real name and even pays you for it?
4chanâs âuser base just moved into a bigger ballpark and started immediately impacting American life and policy," Collins says. "Twitter became 4chan, then the 4chanified Twitter became the United States government. Its usefulness as an ammo dump in the culture war was diminished when they were saying things you would now hear every day on Twitter, then six months later out of the mouths of an administration official."
But understanding how 4chan went from the home of cat memes to a true internet bogeyman requires an understanding of how the site actually worked. Its features were often overlooked amid all the conversations about the site's political influence, but I'd argue they were equally, if not more, important.
4chan was founded by Christopher âMootâ Poole when he was 15. A regular user on slightly less anarchic comedy site Something Awful, Poole created a spinoff site for a message board there called âAnime Death Tentacle Rape Whorehouse.â Poole was a fan of the Japanese message board 2chan, or Futaba Channel, and wanted to give Western anime fans their own version, so he poorly translated the site's code and promoted his new site, 4chan, to Something Awful's anime community. Several core features were ported over in the process.
4chan users were anonymous, threads weren't permanent and would time out or "404" after a period of inactivity, and there were dozens of sub-boards you could post to. That unique combination of ephemerality, anonymity, and organized chaos proved to be a potent mix, immediately creating a race-to-the-bottom gutter culture unlike anything else on the web. The dark end point of the techno-utopianism that built the internet. On 4chan you were no one, and nothing you did mattered unless it was so shocking, so repulsive, so hateful that someone else noticed and decided to screenshot it before it disappeared into the digital ether.
"The iconic memes that came out of 4chan are because people took the time to save it, you know? And the fact that nobody predicted, nobody could predict or control what was saved or what wasn't saved, I think, is really, really fascinating," Cates Holderness, Tumblr's former head of editorial, tells WIRED.
Still, 4chan was more complicated than it looked from the outside. The site was organized into dozens of smaller sections, everything from comics to cooking to video games to, of course, pornography. Holderness says she learned to make bread during the pandemic thanks to 4chan's cooking board. (Full disclosure: I introduced Holderness to 4chan way back in 2012.)
"When I switched to sourdough, I got really good pointers," she says.
Holderness calls 4chan the internet's âWild Westâ and says its demise this month felt appropriate in a way. The chaos that defined 4chan, both the good and the very, very bad, has largely been paved over by corporate platforms and their algorithms now.
Our feeds deliver us content; we don't have to hunt for it. We don't have to sit in front of a computer refreshing a page to find out whether we're getting a new cat meme or a new manifesto. The humanness of that era of the web, now that 4chan is gone, is likely never coming back. And we'll eventually find out if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
"The snippets that we have of what 4chan wasâit's all skewed,â Holderness says. âThere is no record. There's no record that can ever encapsulate what 4chan was."
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I Need Top Surgery, and I Need Your Help
Not my usual programming but, still relevant. And hey if you help and donate I can post lots of hot post-op pics for you guys wearing cool harnesses and lingerie~
But on a serious note, this is about to be heavy sorry about that, but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on living in this body. I was able to get a trusted family friend to make this for me, though it's hard to burden others with this I am only doing so because I have exhausted all other options.
You can consider your donation as a horny tax if you've ever enjoyed my blog đ If you're not able to donate though sharing it would mean a lot, anything helps. I appreciate you all so deeply.
What's below are the details of the go fund me that are written on the site.
Hi my name is Silver, I also go by Percy in some corners of the internet. I am a disabled trans guy that has been out for nearly 10 years now. The first thing I knew for sure that I needed was top surgery but the barriers for that are large and numerous. I am Canadian, so some procedures are covered, though the waiting lists are years long. The other issue is unlike the US, the types of top surgery here are limited.
The type of top surgery I would be getting is called Button Hole, and the surgeon that I'll be getting it from is the woman that developed the procedure in the first place, Dr. Hope Sherie. The surgeons in my country that I spoke to said my body type did not qualify for that type of surgery, though I had already spoken with Dr. Hope Sherie about what the qualifications were for her procedure and knew that what I had been told by the surgeons in my country was not entirely true. My conclusion from the information I gathered was that the surgeons in my country do not have the experience necessary to do this procedure on my body type.
I did apply to see if I could get my top surgery covered outside of my country on the basis of being told that local surgeons could not do the procedure, but ones outside of my country can. However I was denied as my government considers it unnecessary for me to leave the country for surgery since they offer it here, even though it's not the same procedure. The government dose not see a difference between the types of top surgery though there are very much wide differences otherwise why would different procedures exist at all?
Why do you want Button Hole in particular?
The options for types of top surgery procedures that exist for mid-sized people are smaller in number than the options available to people that are smaller in size. Button Hole is on of the only procedure that exists for mid-sized people where your nerves to your nipples are not severed during the surgery like with nipple grafts, therefor allowing for retention of sensation of the nipple and areola. Like with any top surgery, things may not go perfectly and I may still not be able to retain as much sensation as I'm hoping, but this is going to be my body for the rest of my life, and I have been desperately wanting this surgery for 10 years. I have thought about and researched all my options and have known for so long now that this one was right for me.
Why now?
I was hoping I could get it covered through my government, but this process has been going on for 4 years only to end up empty handed. With being disabled I also have very little income, the small amount that I do make barely covers my medication and food every month and I often find my self pulling from my dwindling savings just to cover those expenses. I have survived these past 10 years despite the daily struggle that is the in-congruence with my body and identity. Being disabled on top of being trans, rendering me in a position of not being able to work very much means that felling trapped has been something I've had to battle constantly.
Things with my family, as I live with them since I cannot afford to live anywhere else, got particularly bad last year. (Content Warning for talk of suicide) Being disabled, I qualify for assisted suicide, which is easier for me to access than any kind of financial aid. I was considering that as my only option forward at the time feeling like there were no other better options for me. Things have gotten better at home since then, so I am trying to live, this is me trying to live.
Why this amount?
I was given the quote of 13,550$ USD for my surgery. The exchange rate, which is even worse now that it was of CAD to USD turns this already steep price even steeper by a large margin. I do not expect to get this very large sum entirely covered but every bit helps immensely with a price tag this high on my life.
What will the funds cover if you reach the goal?
Just the surgery, I am going to be paying for the flight with some of my limited savings. I am also going to be housed by a friend that lives in the state while I'm recovering so my lodging fees will be reduced drastically with that. I do not feel comfortable asking for anything more than this as I feel I am already asking for so much. This is truly my absolute last resort, I did not want to burden anyone with this if I could figure out any other way. I have now exhausted all my options though.
Who is running the fundraiser?
I am doing this with the help of a trusted family friend as having your identity spread around online as a trans person is a very scary thing. Things are difficult enough as it is for me, doxing my self would not help with that.
#mlm nsft#t4t nsft#trans mlm nsft#trans nsft#vampcatspeaks#transmasc#trans man#top surgery#go fund me#trans fundraiser#top surgery fund
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LARRY RESOURCES: A beginner's guide [NEW]
REPOST WITH UPDATED LINKS
II. ADVANCED RESEARCH
Additional Information and Important Discussions [Actively Updating - uncategorized, random; for deeper reading] Updated as of 2/23/25
đď¸ Larry discussions and why they matter: LINK
đď¸ Debunked Larry proofs X thread: LINK
đď¸ Boyzone and 1D Parallels (Industry Talk): LINK
đď¸ Louisâ Career History (Timeline/Masterpost)
PART 1-2
PART 3-4
Career Talk Debriefing
Why the sabotage?
Did Louis sacrifice himself?
If he left S*co/S*ny, why does BBG still exist?
Harry's freedom, negotiations, and role in Louis' career situation.
ââââxââââ
Larryâs time capsule. Deep research. Feel free to comment other reputable blogs that might be helpful as well. There are lots out thereâbut I only highlighted a few. They have the most well-kept information for the past decade, and are worth checking out!
Note: For mobile users, there is a search bar where you can type in the topics youâre curious about.Â
ââ
Gina (@twopoppies) đ Tags Links: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8
ââ
Daisy (@daisiesonafield-blog) đ Tags Link (check on desktop to view the complete list of her tags)
ââ
Allie (@skepticalarrie) đ Tags Link
ââ
Marte (@alarrytale) đ Tags Link
ââ
Paz (@hoovesandfloorpaws) đ Tags Link
ââ
Voxina (@voxina)
ââ
Ino (@tobethemselves)
ââ
Sabine (@awesomefringey)
ââ
@louisisalarrie
ââ
@bulletprooflarry đ Tags Link (timelines and tags) đ Back-up @bulletprooflarrybackup-blog
ââ
Larry Stylinson Google Site đ Website
ââ
@cosmicleeds đ YouTube
ââ
Freddieismyqueen đ Re-uploads from various people
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There we have it! If thereâs anything important I missed that should be highlighted, I might just add them in next time. My main goal here is to make a quick overview and one-stop guide especially for baby larries. Since some people arenât familiar with Tumblr and other platforms, it can be harder to do research without knowing where to start. Donât hesitate to ask questions if there's anything you're looking for (I've gotten pretty good in scouring the crevices of the internet and we have lots of credible veteran larries out here ⥠There are some I might've forgotten to add, but they are definitely just as amazing x), but please do check the posts first in case your question has already been answered.
Hope this helps your Larrying journey. And again, TPWK!
Guide by @fookinhellcurlyy (original account) | Will update and create another part as needed.
OTHER PARTS IN THE COMMENT BOX.
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If you would but indulge this fandom elder for a few moments, I'd like to point out a few things that I think can make all of our fannish experiences on this hellsite (affectionate) so much more joyful.
Try not to treat yourself or others as "content-providers."
This happens when you allow yourself to be influenced by real or imagined expectations and demands of others. "But I know people want..." "But people would expect me to..." "But they might not like it if I..." "It's been too long since I've written/posted anything..." "What if people get upset if I..." These are the joy killers. The only questions you should ask yourself when posting stuff to tumblr (or not) is "does this bring me joy right now?" and "would this cause harm?" That's it. You can also tag liberally so people can block stuff if they want. That's also a nice thoughtful thing to do. But try not to let the nebulous concept of "people"--your followers, your readers, the internet at large, or whatever--become a bogeyman in your own head. Most of us already have enough internal critics trying to trip us up at any given moment. Try not to invent more.
Treating others as "content-providers" happens if you send asks or comments to someone on this site demanding more content of a specific type, or insinuating that you are entitled to something from that person. You are communicating to that person that they only have value as a content-provider, and only when providing whatever it is you want. This is dehumanizing and ignores the thousands of reasons that person might choose to be here. Tumblr is not a subscription service. No one is paying for anything here. Most people here are just doing stuff that makes them joyful and we are lucky enough that sometimes they share it with us too!
2. Fandom is not a marriage.
The concept of "being in a fandom" is actually incredibly nebulous, as it should be! There is nothing you need to do or declare to be "in a fandom." There is no minimum threshold of love, or time, or interaction, or "production." It's just a feeling. A place. A space that brings joy. (And sometimes, heartbreak, but that's another topic all together.)
Fandom is also not a marriage. You can't cheat on a fandom. You do not have to have formal divorce proceedings and let go of one fandom before messing around with another one. There's no such thing as fandom infidelity. Neither is fandom a job. You don't have to give two weeks' notice. You don't have to post public intent on the town hall. You're not banned once you step out, never to return. You can "take a break" without any moral implications or risk of becoming the focus of a pop culture debate about whether or not you were justified to mess around with another fandom during that time. You can leave a fandom and never go back, all without having to consciously decide to do so. You can fall out of love with a fandom and then fall back in love with it later. It's not a marriage/job! There are no rules!
3. Take ownership and curate your own experience.
If there is a thing, or a blog, or a person who once brought you joy, but on balance no longer does, or makes you more disappointed or annoyed or upset than not, you do not have to keep interacting with them/it. Following someone on tumblr is also not a marriage. You can follow/unfollow as you like, no harm, no foul. It's just curating your personal joy, and I hope we will always wish each other the best with that. If you are scared of "missing out on something," then you will either need to block tags enough to make it enjoyable, or decide unfollowing is worth the risk if it makes you too unhappy to keep following!
The ultimate thing is, it's up to you to curate your fannish experience. It is not up to the person you are following to change to fit your expectations or hopes. (See point #1.) You can feel ways about this, of course! But those are your feelings, which are yours to handle. Do not put them on the other person. Do not send them asks demanding things or lashing out. It won't make you feel better and it definitely won't get you what you are looking for, unless your actual aim is to kill the joy of another person so you are not upset alone. In that case I'm not sure what to tell you other than you might want to spend some time meditating on that one and think about if that's really the kind of person you want to be. Or if this kind of space is actually good for you.
That's it for now. Thank you for indulging me. Don't be a dick on the internet, friends. Take no shit and do no harm. Take care of yourselves! đ
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đ Tips and Tricks đ updated 12/31/24
Here is a collection of useful tips and tricks to spotting and dealing with scams and the blogs that try to share them. :)
Note: This mostly pertains to blogs that send asks looking for help/donations, but it can also be very useful for unsolicited DM's in the case of things like sugar baby scammers, art commission scammers, and what have you as well.
Let's get started shall we?
Tip #1 - Stay calm.
This is the first and most important thing you should do in any situation involving strangers on the internet. Yes, it's okay to be unsure about something at first glance. They say that you should always trust your gut. But what you shouldn't do is let that fear and uncertainty make you hateful or spiteful towards those who might genuinely be seeking help.
Tip #2 - Wait! Let's investigate!
That ask/DM someone sent you isn't going anywhere. They send dozens of them out every day to people, so it won't hurt if you take 5-10 minutes to do a little research before you decide to take action.
Easy ways you can investigate:
1) Search the username of the person who sent the ask/DM. - You can do this by typing their name in tumblr's search function or: https://www.tumblr.com/search/username https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/username
Was this new user called out by other tumblr users for using this same story on other accounts and/or under different PayPal usernames and/or as being a scammer? If so, it's a scam.
2) Check the blogs posts via the archive to see how old it is. blogname.tumblr.com/archive.
Note: Sometimes they turn their archive off. But you can enable timestamps in your settings to view when a post was made!
settings > dashboard > Show timestamps.
Did they just join a few hours or days ago? A few weeks? If they did and their first post was either their post looking for help, or they reblogged some nonsensical things like art or memes within minutes/hours of making their aid post, it's a scam.
3) Check the past reblogs of the pinned post they want you to share. - Does the persons 'real name' change every few weeks? (more on this trick here!)
If a user calls themselves Vivian in their current post as you see it on their blog, and if you check a past reblog 5-7 days ago or 2 weeks ago and it says their name is Malinda (but the stories are the exact same), it is a scam.
4) Search part of the ask via google and the word 'tumblr'.
- Do you find results of that same ask being sent by other blogs?
This goes back to #1. If you find posts on google by other users with the exact same ask or story, but with a different username or 'real name' ala #3, it is most likely a scam.
5) If someone DM's you, be friendly and ask questions. Ask a lot of questions.
- Do they get mad or frustrated with you if you ask them questions related to their issues with insulin or diabetes that every diabetic should know? Do they not know how to answer if you ask about Gaza or Palestine? (if they say they are from there.) - Do they try to change the subject? - Are they persistent about trying to get you to donate money? - Do they just straight up block you? (if yes, it's a scam)
Never send money to strangers who ask for it via a DM without investigating them first and having them prove they are who they say they are. Remember to reverse image search any images someone sends you as 'proof', and if it seems fishy? Report and block them.
Tip #3 - Stay kind.
I know it can be overwhelming when you receive asks looking for help when you might not be able to offer anything in return. It's also 100% okay to not know if you're dealing with a real person in need or a scammer. But please, don't go around reporting every single ask you get with a gofundme saying it's a scam or making posts telling others to do the same. This might wind up hurting real people genuinely looking for help from others.
Here is a post on why many gofundmes are not scams. by @kyra45
Tip #4 - It is 100% okay to block and delete.
In many cases when you receive an ask looking for help, it's usually sent with a sad story of loss, tragedy, heartache, or an implied since of urgency. This is not to say situations from real, genuine people looking for help aren't emergencies.
Just remember:
You do not have to share any asks that are sent to you.
And it does not make you a bad person if you block someone.
Especially in the cases of scammers.
If someone is being persistent even though you have told them:
I'm sorry I cannot donate money. I cannot donate money right now. I'm in no position to donate.
And yet they still ask you for money?
Or they insult you, gaslight or guilt trip you?
You have every right to block them if they cannot take no for an answer. No means no. Not later, not 'some other time.' Not in 3 days or a week.
No means no.
You deserve to be treated with just as much as respect as they do.
Never forget that.
Tip #5 - Help protect one another other.
If you see that someone has shared a scam, let that person who shared it know what's going on. Let them know how and why that person they shared a post from is a scammer, tell them the various tips and tricks on how to spot scammers, and maybe they too will do the same for their friends, and so on and so forth.
If anything you might even help a lot of other people not fall for a scam if you do share their pinned post and tag it as being a scam with information as to how/why in your post.
Just remember, Scammers love to change their usernames, their 'real names' on their posts and editing their stories around a little bit, and if people work together, we can help keep each other safe by making sure that others are scam aware.
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Thank you all for reading, I hope you all have a fantastic day and if you ever have questions about something you think might be a scam, don't be afraid to send me an ask. :)
Take care. <3
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Helpful links and guides: Scam Index (@scam-alerts) Useful guides to spotting scams (by @kyra45) A guide on how to spot Insulin Scams. Current list of documented scammers: Part 3 Archived for reference: Part 1 and Part 2
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I redesigned Yangchen's outfit!
... I actually designed a lot of outfits for her, because I am Extremely Normal about these books, and also I like costume design and learning about historical clothing.
Short disclaimer: These fantasy clothes aren't culturally or historically accurate, just historically and culturally influenced. I don't have any expertise in East or Central Asian culture or clothing, I've just been clicking around on the internet a lot the last two weeks learning things because that's my idea of fun lol. If you wanted to talk to people who actually know things you should check out @atlaculture or like @ziseviolet, both of whom's blogs I referenced while drawing.

I only designed two alternates for the outer robes. The first is based loosely off the robes Buddhist monks wear (loosely, because drawing draped fabric is hard ^^') especially the Tibetan zhen robe. This garment is just a long wide rectangle of cloth which can be draped across the body in lots of ways (versatility ftw!).
The other garment I drew is a Chuba, a traditional garment from Tibet and the Himalayas. It's a robe, but it highkey reminds me of kilts and hoodies, in that it a) can be worn over one or both shoulders or just as a skirt and b) it makes a giant pocket over the stomach. The long sleeves can be folded up or tied back btw.

I spent the most time on the middle layer, because I was thinking it has to be something she could comfortably fight in while also being suitable for diplomatic meetings, meditating, espionage, and possibly sleeping.
And like. You can fight and hike and whatnot in loose skirts, but it's annoying how twisted up they can get while sleeping. ALSO, YC does a lot of flying and leaping, so my girl needs pants. My faves are definitely the Xiaolin monk pants and the yellow wrap pants Aang wears. I tried dhoti (Indian wrap pants) because that kind of looks like what the giant statue of Yangchen meditating might be wearing, but I think it looks odd paired with a highwaisted shirt instead of a long tunic. Maybe I'll do some more drawings with her in a tunic and dhoti or a monk's dhonka and shemdap later, idk.

As any good historical fashion nerd knows, foundational garments are everything (âĄâżâĄâż).
But also, there's a scene where Yangchen and Kavik pretend to be lovers, and are "discovered" by a maid sleeping in the same room, with Yangchen in a state of partial undress (gasp!)
I am living for this fake drama; I need to know how scandalized the maid was lmao.
When the maid walks in, Yangchen immediately wraps herself in a bedsheet before ushering the maid back out the door. Maybe all she did was take off her outer robe... but why would she need to wrap herself in a sheet if she was wearing a long-sleeved high-necked gown? I got the sense from both the book and cursory research about buddhist monks that walking around without your outer robes was socially acceptable, at least in casual settings. I think it more likely she was in her underclothes, which historically (in the west anyway) would also double as sleeping clothes.
"The Aang" is censored because this is Tumblr-dot-com. Its mostly a joke, but also, I know other countries are less uptight about bººbies, so like, maybe it's a valid option ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
The ~Water Tribe~ look is based off Sokka's swimwear and not Katara's, mostly because chest binding seems antithetical to airbending.
All the other undergarment designs are based on hanfu neiyi, because that's what I could find reference photos and romanized names for.
I'm tired of typing now. Lemme know if you have questions about something, or want me to post a larger version of a specific outfit. I am open to feedback and tentatively open to requests.
#costume design#character redesign#Yangchen#avatar#airbenders#air nomads#avatar novels#chronicles of the avatar#atla#I realize now there are typos in the jpeg rip#too late to change it now
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Hi, we made a post like this long ago on our now defunct althuman blog, but we feel the need to redo and reconstruct this post as we realise that there are still misconceptions to things.
What is a physical alterhuman?
// pt: what is a physical alterhuman? //
[ DISCLAIMER: please do not take our words as the definitive fact. We are aware we could be wrong in some areas and appreciate corrections as long as they are in a civil tone. ]
Well, for starters; a physical alterhuman is someone who identfies as an alterhuman on a physical level, much like the name entails.
This can be experienced in many forms, and includes (but is not limited to!): being able to transform into an alterhuman being, the body being alterhuman, the "human" appearance being a veil or glamour, an alter in a collective who views the body as them when in front, etc.
A common misconception is that ALL physical alterhumans stem from delusions. This is not the case! However, those who are physically alterhuman due to delusions are still 100% valid and do not deserve to be ridiculed, hated, shunned, or any other harmful thing.
Physical alterhuman experiences are not all the same, it's always going to be a spectrum. Personally, for our collective, we are physically alterhuman but are unsure of specifics. This stems from many childhood traumas as well as things like our mental disabilities such as autism and attention deficit hyperactive disorder. The "human" everyone sees from us is a glamour, or a veil, that we cannot remove, but that does not make us any less of a physical alterhuman.
I don't like how this has to be constantly said but; no, someone being physically alterhuman does not give you the right to shun them out of the community, to try to police their identity, or come to harmful conclusions. It isn't anyone's right to meddle into another being's business, especially when you are a stranger on the internet. As much as some of you may come from good intent, you're not really doing a nice thing by telling others to get help or trying to "reality check" them for who they are. We personally find it ridiculous that this statement has to be said.
- Yellow Pearl (usually Ula would make these types of posts, however we notice that she's easily triggered and would rather not have her do that, so I'm stepping up for her.)
#doll rambles đ#alterhuman#therian#nonhuman#therian community#< applies to these things#laura's info tag#physical alterhuman
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Yandere! Keigo Takami General Profile
Yandere! Keigo Takami x fem! reader
Tw: kidnapping, stalking, mentions of non-con, implied masturbation, possessiveness, lots and lots of guilt, Stockholm Syndrome/you've kind of lost it by the end, mentions of eating/eating healthily, mentions of murder, Dabi makes an appearance and is directly responsible for your kidnapping, insinuation that Keigo's jerked it to some rather icky nasty stuff of yours, non-consensual photography, fem reader, MDNI
I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!
WC: 15K (genuinely how)
DARLING PROFILE:
Smart
If Keigo was pressed to describe his type, the very first thing that he would blurt out is intelligent. He wants a woman that can match him in terms of intellect. Someone who can follow his quick-paced jokes, his sarcasm, someone that keeps up with him, really.
He finds it wildly attractive when a woman is confident in her own knowledge, and ideally his darling would be knowledgeable in an area he knows next to nothing about.
He likes hearing them spiel on about something theyâre passionate about â and he'll be listening, intently, with a hand under his chin and eyes glossed over because while their words are interesting, watching them is really whatâs fully engaging him. Thereâs something wonderful about the way that theyâre able to answer all the questions he prompts them with, never missing a beat and fully dissecting his question before giving their best thoughts back.
Itâs just wonderful, and although heâd never divulge any sensitive information to them out of fear for their safety, thereâs something euphoric about knowing that if he really wanted to, if he could, he thinks they would understand how he feels.
He thinks they could understand how careful he has to be, how he has to think out his every move and word dozens of times in advance, making sure everything is exactly how it should be.
And really, this helps Keigo feel less lonely â itâs less polarizing and solitary if he knows that his darling could support him, even if he wonât tell them anything.
Just the knowledge makes him giddy, his heart beating faster because it feels so very good to not be alone.
Witty
Similarly to their intelligence, Keigo needs a darling whoâs able to dish out what he serves. A witty, silver-tongued darling would have him constantly on his toes, finding that speaking with them is entertaining and leaves him wanting more.
His darling isnât boring, or a drag to speak to â their stories and commentary leave him on the edge of his seat, growing addicted to their voice and finding himself wanting more more more, eagerly asking all sorts of follow-up questions that he normally wouldnât bother with.
And really, this is one of the first signs that his feelings for them have ventured beyond friendly â heâs never been this invested in someone before, never wanting to interact with them so badly, never wanting to be around them and hear their voice and watch their lips move to form syllables.
He finds his darlingâs sense of humor to perfectly match his own, leaving him winded and often more flustered than heâd care to admit.
Theyâre just so cute â the knowing little look they send him when they crack a bad pun that leaves him chuckling, the way their face scrunches up when they make an accidentally dirty joke.
Itâs endearing, really, and it only makes him fall for them harder, his desperation to see them growing stronger with every passing day because god, theyâre just so perfect.
Civilian
While Keigo is capable of developing an obsession with a fellow hero, itâs unlikely.
Part of what draws him to his darling is their innocence â they donât understand the realities of their society, how violent and horrible the darkest members are, how much crime and unrest fills the city streets right under their nose.
Itâs the way his darling is able to be so happy and carefree in the face of such terror that draws Keigo in â they practically radiate positivity, talking about their own mundane life and managing to lull Keigo into a false reality that he, too is simply a civilian.
That he isnât a double agent with a non-existent sense of self, that he isnât bursting with stress and anxiety at any given time. Itâs a nice reprieve, really, and itâs one that he slowly begins craving. The moments of peace and tranquility addict him, causing him to view his darling as a sort of stress-reliever, someone he can go to when things become too heavy, too dark, too much.
He wants to hear about everything happening in their lives â their crazy neighbors, annoying coworkers, the cat they saw crossing the street, the latest thing broken in their apartment. He wants to know about the mundane things, the things heâs never experienced and never will experience.
His darling is a sort of portal to a totally different world â what he could have had if he hadnât been born into the family he was, if he hadnât had inherited his quirk, if he hadnât have done this or that.
His darling represents possibility, a side of Keigo that he desperately, desperately wishes he could embrace â which is why he slowly begins fantasizing about a future with his darling, always complete with a nice little house, a few children, a pretty ring on their finger, and complete domestic bliss.
Itâs a dirty fantasy to him, really, something far off and dreamy, but with every interaction he has with his darling, it only stronger, and he only grows more desperate.
Empathetic
Keigo needs someone who is able to see past the layers of persona he puts on as Hawks and instead see him. Keigo Takami. He needs someone whoâs able to listen to his words and comfort him, to see the frightened, abused boy he still is at heart.
The idea of a darling whoâs able to understand him on such a deep, raw level leaves him feeling equal parts terrified and relieved, because heâs never really had someone there for him before.
The concept of a companion, of someone to rely on and love and cherish is such a foreign concept to him, and although he finds the idea enticing (having watched more than his fair share of rom-coms and trashy romance movies), Keigo doesnât believe that heâll ever get to experience it.
His life is too busy and hectic, and having a woman to hold and love and protect would add too much unnecessary strain. Except once he meets his darling and he feels seen for the first time, things begin changing. No longer does he find himself alone, internally grappling with his real identity and his hero identity, slowly losing himself with all the stress and obligations towards the commission.
No, heâs not alone because he has them â his darling, the one whoâs smile and a simple brush of their hand leaves him breathless, feeling like a little kid with a sense of wonder and hopefulness and love that makes his heart pound in his chest.
A darling thatâs able to incite these feelings in him is really the key to catching his attention in the first place â a cruel fate, really, considering his darlings is only trying to help him, only trying to help reassure him that he doesnât have to be the ever strong, ever cool Hawks in front of everybody.
Itâs a noble thought, really â but ultimately one that dooms his darling, forcing the blond to latch onto them with incredible strength and never, ever letting go.
GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:
Clingy
It takes quite a while for Keigoâs obsession to form. Heâs never really had the time nor desire to get close enough to someone to even consider a relationship, and while heâs a had a one-night stand or two, that one night of intimacy is the closest heâs ever gotten to someone. Heâs just not emotionally available, and for very good reason â heâs lived his entire adult life (and much of his youth) completely under the Commissionâs control, his every desire, action, and thought controlled by others.
Itâs sad and some part of him knows it, pitying himself even, but Keigoâs just not interested in developing any kind of romantic relationship with anyone. He doesnât have time, and thereâs a small part of him that questions if heâs even able to form that kind of a connection with someone. A childhood full of abuse, training and emotional neglect has fucked him up in more ways than one, and heâs genuinely unsure if heâs even capable of something like love, if heâd even be able to give someone a healthy relationship, his heart.
He swears off romance, finding it trivial and just not something for him, but things begin changing the longer he knows you, the longer heâs around you and spends time with you. His feelings are purely platonic at first â youâre funny, someone he finds himself actually getting along with and not dreading seeing, and itâs always a pleasure when he happens to run into you when heâs out on patrol or just wandering around the city in a rare moment of free time.
(And at this point, it genuinely is random â thereâs no pre-planned meetings, no orchestrated attempts at just so happening to run into you, no attempt to follow you or know your location at all hours of the day. Itâs just fate, really.)
He slowly warms up to you, deciding that he actually really likes you, and as the weeks turn into months, thereâs this feeling that starts tugging at his heart. Itâs this strange phenomenon where when heâs lost in thought, planning out his next moves in making sure he balances his double agent lifestyle, thereâs this lingering thought of you.
Heâll gear up in his hero suit, shrugging the jacket on over his wings and checking himself over in the mirror, only to let his hand linger over his jacket lapel. Heâd never noticed the small speck of blood on the tan material â had you? It was surely an enemyâs, some criminal that heâd roughed up a bit too badly before capturing, but it was still an unfortunate sight. His lips quirk down a bit as he thinks of whether youâd noticed it when youâd ran into him at the end of his patrol yesterday â you hadnât mentioned anything, but maybe you were just being polite.
Something about the thought of you seeing him with blood on him leaves a sour taste in his mouth.
Itâs not until a notification on his phone gets his pocket buzzing that he snaps out of his small reverie, blinking at his reflection and feeling a small bit of confusion settle over him. Why was he thinking of you? Surely it wasnât your blood, and you hadnât been present during any of his fights yesterday â why had the thought of you popped into his mind?
Keigoâs not sure, but he pushes aside the thought as he jumps off his balcony, the wind catching his wings and letting him soar towards the Hero Commission building.
He doesnât give it much thought, but then it happens again the next day; heâs out on patrol, flying a good ten feet above the skyline of this particular neighborhood, when he sees a woman walking with a bouquet of flowers. Theyâre pretty, he supposes â roses mixed with some greenery and tulips, the kind of perfect bouquet youâd see in a rom-com or some cheesy movie.
He smiles a bit, seeing the way the woman was sighing down at them with a dreamy look on her face, and before he can stop himself thereâs this flash in his mind of you with flowers in your arms. Theyâd be a different color, of course â your favorite color, and maybe even a different flower. Whatever one was your favorite, thatâs what heâd get you.
He freezes as the last thought flits through his mind, his wings freezing too and causing him to falter a bit mid-air, desperately flapping them to stay afloat. What the hell?
He doesnât like it, at first â the way youâre slowly seeping into every aspect of his thoughts, always some little twinge of you sitting at the sidelines, an idle thought of wow, youâd look great with that shirt on or a small question of would she like this?
It makes him uncomfortable, because he doesnât know how to deal with this strange new development â sure, he's heard all about love and falling for someone, because while he may not look like it, heâs watched his fair share of chick flicks and raunchy romances.
But still, this is different â itâs different because itâs him, because itâs you. And itâs different because Keigo notices, as time passes, that none of those films or stories mention just how all-encompassing the feeling is, or how it makes him want to swing by your apartment every night, flying outside your window and letting those honey eyes scan the room to find your familiar figure.
They donât mention anything about the desire that eats him up at night, how he seems to see you in everything around him â his pillow is soft, but heâs sure your stomach would be softer. His dining chair is comfortable, but having you sit in his lap would make it more comfortable.
The ratty shirt with the massive holes cut in the back is loose on him, but where it looks sloppy on him, youâd manage to look cute, heâs sure. It scares him, if heâs being honest, because he feels his control over himself slowly slipping through his fingers â he canât stop himself from checking over you when he knows youâre at work, repeatedly flying through the area when he really doesnât need to, just to make sure thereâs no villainous activity.
(And always keeping an eye out for you when he knows your shift is over â he always gets too nervous and chickens out, but one of these days he swears heâs going to swoop down and pick you up, holding you in his arms as he flies around with you, chuckling in your ear and pulling you flush against his body under the guise of âsafetyâ â just please ignore the hardness you feel against your back or the labored breaths in your ear.)
It scares him that he canât stop himself from suddenly paying much more attention to your every word, listening to you like youâre spouting holy epiphanies as you tell him about your coworkers or this new film you watched, biting his lip and nodding along, letting his eyes occasionally flick down to your mouth as quickly as he can, just so you wonât notice.
Thus starts a troubling pattern â Keigo starts slowly craving learning as much as he can about you, because with every thought that pops up into his head, he finds his knowledge about you is sorely lacking. He doesnât know what your favorite flower is â he canât get you that bouquet he was fantasizing of.
 He doesnât know where your favorite take-out place is â he canât surprise you with dinner on nights he can tell youâre tired. (He can tell because heâd followed you home from the air and noticed your slouched shoulders and the way youâd looked on the verge of tears when youâd stubbed your toe on the uneven sidewalk, but still.)
He doesnât know what size shoe you wear â he canât pick you up those new shoes he thought youâd like, or get you a new pair of those fuzzy, warm socks he noticed were looking a little ragged in your laundry bin.
 He doesnât know what your ideal date is, so he canât plan one with the knowledge that youâd be as happy as humanly possibly, all smiley and bashful and shy, all because youâre with Keigo himself.
It frustrates him, and he figures it wouldnât hurt to look into you just a bit more â heâs got access to all kinds of information, security clearances associated with his status as both a hero, an agent of the Hero Commission, and an agent of the Meta Liberation Army making pretty much any piece of information he wants to get his hands on accessible. Heâs getting access to your computer and phone, sifting through your search histories, contacts, even your bank accounts and government information.
(How else would he be able to start depositing occasional bits of money into your account, gifts he knows you wonât notice because you never check your transaction histories? You may not know about them, but he does, and it makes him feel good, important when heâs gifting you a hundred dollars here and there, making sure you have a cushion so that you can spoil yourself and indulge in all the things he knows you want to, but you donât have the funds to do so.)
Heâs designating a specific feather to slip into your purse or pocket, attached to your person so that he can track where youâre going, feeling the vibration against your back when youâre talking, when youâre shivering because youâre cold, when youâre standing or sitting or laying or moaning and gasping and shaking â
(Heâll always stiffen up when the feather heâd managed to slip into your jacket starts vibrating with the sound of your cries, his cheeks and neck feeling unbearably hot as he starts to sweat, wings twitching uncontrollably and rushing to the nearest bathroom, clutching the sink and grimacing because god, youâre moaning so damn much, you must be touching yourself and heâs not even there to see it, not able to watch you fall apart â maybe youâre even thinking of him, of how heâd fuck you nice and deep, pushing your knees up to your ears and groaning your name over and over while he fills you full of his cum â Heâs in the bathroom for a suspiciously long time, and when he comes back with his pants just slightly askew, Dabi will cock a brow but not make a comment.)
Heâs even going so far as to set up cameras in your apartment, having broken in one day when you werenât home, making sure theyâre placed in inanimate objects so you donât find one and get scared.
(Though, he canât deny that the image of you running to him in fear, crying and clutching onto him and telling him that someoneâs stalking you has a very nice ring to it⌠Ultimately, though, he knows itâs best for you to not take on the stress and burden of knowing your every move is being watched, recorded, stored onto his phone and computer so that when he canât sleep at night or is particularly stressed from all the lying and sneaking around, heâll have something pretty and sweet to look at, something calming and relaxing, something that makes him sigh and his lips quirk up into a small smile as his thumb rubs the technology, imagining it was your cheek.)
Itâs a slow slide into his obsessive tendencies, but once his feelings for you have formed in full, Keigo is a lost cause â and once you end up trapped with him, forced to depend on him for everything, this trait will only present itself more strongly, becoming harder and harder to ignore because he wonât bother hiding it anymore.
Youâll be scared and apprehensive every time he arrives with a glass of water right when you were beginning to feel thirsty, but really, you should know better. Youâll be unnerved when he presents a new bottle of shampoo to you right as you start itching to shower, but itâs inevitable.
Keigo knows you better than you know yourself, after all â and he just wants to keep you happy, keep you safe. He's just in love, and doesnât he deserve someone to love?
Doesnât he deserve to be happy too, to finally, finally have something all to himself, something thatâs his?
Protective
Frankly, though Keigo hides it well, his protectiveness over you is unbearable. Heâs a seasoned pro-hero who spends a good amount of time with villains, and as a result heâs more than aware of just how dark of a place the world really is. He has intimate knowledge of just how many horrible people are hiding in plain sight, all the violent and horrific crimes they commit, and just how often they manage to escape unscathed.
And of course, he also knows just how many innocent victims get wrapped up in their schemes, often resulting in injuries and trauma and even death. And while Keigo generally is disapproving of murder, heâs even more staunchly against the concept when itâs your death, when youâre the lifeless body thatâs laying on the cold, hard cement, blood pooling around your head and your pretty eyes staring aimlessly above, your fingers cold and your neck bruised and oh god oh god â
The realization that the way he feels for you has wandered into romantic territory is the same moment that he realizes that you could very easily be one of the civilians he was just a hair too slow to save.
Heâs helping an older woman crawl out of a pile of rubble left behind from a stand-off with a villain, part of the building having collapsed in on itself, and all of a sudden he sees something sticking out from below a large, cement cylinder â a foot, stained red at the ankle, and immediately he feels sick.
Evacuations arenât always successful, and oh, look at that â the footâs complexion is oddly familiar, and he swears heâs seen that nail polish on someone elseâs fingers before. Bile actually rises up the back of his throat as he realizes that everything about this unfortunate soul reminds him of you, even down to the hair dotting her leg. Itâs a hard pill to swallow as images of you bloody and bruised flash through his mind, each one making his chest tighter than the last.
It leaves his fists clenching and his jaw tight enough to make his teeth hurt, and itâs in that moment that his body almost seems to operate on autopilot â the images of you battered and too injured to be helped are still swirling through his mind as his feet leave the ground, his wings beating faster and faster with every second, his desperation to reach you strong enough to get his heart practically racing out of his chest.
The wind is whistling in his ears as he flies to your apartment, his muscles aching from the exertion, his lip caught between his teeth as he mentally chants that youâre okay, youâre okay, please God you have to be okay.
Itâs only once he lands on your apartment balcony and sees you clumsily doing your dishes in the kitchen sink that relief floods his system, his entire body sagging against the railing as he finally lets out the breath heâd been unconsciously holding back.
Youâre okay.
Youâre alive and breathing, and as his eyes scan every exposed inch of your skin, he canât find even a speck of blood. A hand comes up to rest over his heart, and Keigo swallows, Adamâs apple visibly bobbing with the weight of the motion.
He spends longer than heâd care to admit on your balcony that evening, those yellow eyes watching like a hawk as you move about in your tiny apartment, mentally assessing each and every movement. Youâre pretty like this, he thinks â youâre entirely unaware that youâre being watched, but thereâs something about seeing you be so natural and free thatâs exhilarating, making his heart pound and his cheeks flush pink because this is what youâre really like when no oneâs watching. It makes his chest ache to see it, his gloved fingers reaching out and pressing against the glass of your sliding door, the urge almost unbearable to be with you and hear what heâs sure is you singing along to some horrible song.
Heâs idly wondering if you cook all your meals, and thatâs why you have so many dishes â would you cook for him? He's a lousy chef and frankly a bit picky about his food, but heâd eat anything you make for him with a bright smile and trembling fingers, eagerly wolfing down the food and being nearly brought to tears because you made this for him.
Heâs imagining the way youâd let him hold you at night, sharing a bed with you and your body pressed snugly beside his, an arm draped over your side and your soft breaths tickling the expanse of his chest. Itâs a pleasant thought, but all too soon his phone is buzzing and heâs brought out of his reverie, glancing at the time and sucking in a sharp breath because itâs been an hour and a half of him just sitting here, gaping like an idiot at you.
Embarrassment creeps up his spine, but before he jumps off the balcony and heads to the Commission to report back, he spares a final glance over his shoulder at you, and the smallest of smiles sits on his lips, something warm blooming in his chest.
But from that moment onwards, Keigo slowly becomes more and more consumed by the idea of just how truly unprepared you are for any sort of villain encounter. You have a quirk, sure, but itâs minor and not especially useful, and it certainly wouldnât help if you were to be cornered in some dark alleyway, or if you were to hear your front doorâs lock being picked, or if you were to be caught in the crossfire of a villain robbing a bank.
And itâs small things that remind him of these facts â he'll see you trip over seemingly nothing, losing your footing and stumbling for just a moment, and immediately fear is sitting heavy in his gut because god, youâd be dead meat running from a villain. Itâs endearing, of course, but itâs scary.
He hears you giggle sheepishly and rub the back of your neck as you admit to your friend over lunch that youâd forgot to lock your door when you left for groceries yesterday, his skin and feathers bristling and a small prick of anger bubbling inside him because are you asking to be the next tragedy covered on the news?
 He takes you out for dinner (that he hopes youâll think of as a date, even if the restaurant is a simple diner that he knows you love) and sees a bandaid on your finger, his voice a touch lower than his previous joking tone as he asks if youâre okay, did you hurt yourself? Your response of how youâd accidentally caught the sharp edge of a razor in the shower makes his entire body tense, both at the idea of you in the shower and at the idea of your blood being drawn, of the way youâd probably hissed and bit your lip, the pain acute. Youâll notice the way he freezes up, this look on his face that you canât quite describe, but soon heâll be flashing you that familiar grin, taking a sip of his soda and telling you that unshaved is better, hasnât anyone ever told you that?
(He likes the way you roll your eyes and pretend that you arenât embarrassed by his comment â at least, he hopes thatâs how youâre feeling, because the comment made him himself a little hot under the collar.)
Everything you do is a reminder to him that youâre weak, and itâs this constant mantra that moves Keigo to take his own measures to ensure your safety. Heâll offer to walk you home from work every day, waving off your concerns by telling you that his patrols end right around that time anyways so itâs no big deal.
(They donât â they tend to end much earlier, but this way he can fly around for a bit, trail you from the air and keep his eyes trained only on you, all with the luxury of lying when you notice his presence about how his patrol areas happen to line up with the district you work in.)
Heâll tell you that heâs sure your cooking is good, but he knows what place has the absolute best lunches â and would you look at that, itâs not too far from your apartment! Maybe youâd be interested in getting lunch with him sometimes? He knows the owner pretty well because heâs always in there, maybe he could even get the both of you a loyal customer discount.
(Heâd only started eating there because a late night of watching you through your apartment windows had led to his stomach growling too much to bear, and heâd strolled into the twenty-four-hour establishment absolutely ravenous for food, still glowing from having watched your sleeping face.)
Heâs even making unsolicited, subtle remarks about your own habits designed to get you to change some of your more problematic traits â heâll tell you that eating breakfast is actually very good for you, heâs heard that people who skip breakfast tend to have bowel problems.
(Itâs delivered as a joke and you snort because heâd been a little graphic with a bad pun thrown in there, and as Keigo basks in the sight of your smile and the sound of your laughter, he hopes that youâll remember the sentiment â you need to be eating properly, after all.)
Heâs telling you that crime rates have been awfully high in your neighborhood lately â itâs recommended for all civilians to avoid speaking to anyone on the streets â just for safety purposes, of course.
(And because it dramatically reduces the number of men you interact with, something that makes both his protectiveness and possessiveness cool ever so slightly because that means one less man that you could meet and fall for and want and love-)
And why shouldnât you believe everything that he says? Heâs the number two hero, a man whoâs saved more lives than you could imagine â how could he not be the authority on safety? Who are you to doubt anything he tells you, any advice he gives you?
And Keigo knows this â which is why heâll start pushing further and further with time, trying to convince you to drop anything dangerous at all; did you know that more people cut themselves with knives than with all other cutting tools combined? You should really be careful, you know â besides, sometimes recipes are better with whole tomatoes!
(Really, he just wants to avoid seeing a knife in your hands â youâre not trustworthy with something so sharp, even if the sight of you in the kitchen slaving over the stove is strangely adorable, strangely right.)
Did you know that most animal attacks are from dogs? Maybe you shouldnât consider getting that cute puppy youâd been gushing about â you just never know.
(Really, Keigoâs just worried that youâll end up spending all your time and attention with said puppy, leaving him with only the most meager scraps that wonât be nearly enough to satisfy him, and while heâs serious about the dog attacks, heâs mostly just selfish. Plus, an animal companion would make slipping through your window late at night almost impossible.)
Did you know that the vast majority of murder victims are women? You should probably take him up on his offer to be your personal chaperone â consider it a favor for a friend, heâd told you.
(Though heâd been gritting his teeth as he said the word âfriendâ, even the feel of it on his tongue making something ugly twist in his gut. The way he feels for you certainly isnât friendly â it canât be, not when heâs imagining waking up with you every morning, the way your lips would taste, how youâd look on your knees staring up at him while you gag and choke and suck so hard your cheeks hollow out.)
And once youâve been kidnapped, this trait is only furthered, his paranoia eating away at him because he knows youâll be rebellious, that youâll want to lash out and hurt yourself and hurt him, and just the thought leaves him buzzing with anxiety, stress eating away at him because he absolutely refuses to let you get injured in any way.
You have to stay pristine â his gorgeous, precious partner that he loves, the only woman whoâs ever made him feel something so strong. You have to be okay â because if you arenât, then he isnât either, and the only thing more dangerous than a powerful, cunning man living a double life is a broken, apathetic man who wants everyone to know just how little life means now that his other half is gone.
Controlling
His controlling tendencies manifest as a result of both his extreme protectiveness, and as a sort of coping mechanism from the lack of control he has over his own life. He does love you â at least, he thinks this is love.
(If itâs not love, then Keigo doesnât know what the fuck this could possibly be â what else would cause him to be thinking of you at all hours of the day, his body physically aching and yearning to be with you? What else could cause his breathing to hitch and become so uneven when youâre in his presence, his quirk nearly out of his control as his feathers ruffle and flutter and come down around you like some sort of cage?)
He loves you, sure, his obsession festering into something darker, deeper, more unmanageable and impossible to come back from, but thereâs a part of him that begins exerting this control over you as a way to satisfy himself.
By dictating your life, itâs almost like heâs dictating his own â like he gets to choose what happens, like he has self-autonomy, like he isnât just a puppet being used by others. Itâs euphoric, cathartic, and this only furthers his dependence on you â not only do you make him feel something warm and gooey and suffocating in his chest, but you also make him feel calmer, more grounded, more whole.
But as lovely as it is for Keigo to finally get a grip on his own mental health, this has rather disastrous effects on you â even before heâs stolen you away, these controlling tendencies are present. Of course, theyâre difficult to spot when Keigo is still just the handsome, flirty hero who seems to have a soft spot for little old you. Youâre in a metaphorical honeymoon phase at that point, beyond flattered that someone like him has noticed someone like you.
And so, you donât really notice the way that he tells you to stop hanging out with a particular friend that you keep rambling on about. Theyâre going through a hard time, youâre sure of it â itâs the only reason theyâve been so snappy and distant lately, and itâs only natural for you to bear your burdens to Keigo, telling him how they were rude to you last weekend, how theyâve been ignoring your calls, how youâre at a loss because what could possibly be happening?
And Keigo will grit his teeth, his smile tight and visibly strained as he clutches onto his coffee cup with white knuckles, eventually telling you wow, that really sucks, some friend. Maybe you should stop hanging out with them â obviously they arenât as invested in the friendship as you are, sound like theyâre not as good of a friend as you are, frankly.
Itâs good advice, all things considered, but itâs presented in a way that flatters you, that makes you sound like youâre the reasonable, good friend and theyâve simply dropped the ball. And so, youâll follow his advice â that friend isnât contacted again, and Keigo personally sees to it that youâve blocked them, having gone in and manually done it on your phone while you were fast asleep.
You wonât notice how he makes subtle comments about what you should order when youâre at a restaurant together â heâll never make comments about your weight, but heâll prompt you to eat something healthier, something more, something thatâll leave you happy but nourish you as well. The comments are again difficult to spot â when he opens up the menu, heâll pipe up and tell you that theyâve got that salad you were talking about the other day â you know the one? Yeah, sounds good â do you want to split it? I think we should get some extra chicken on top, too.
(Once the salad arrives, of course, youâll be eating the majority â Keigo will nibble at it, picking at it and making a bit show of always having his fork packed with the greens â and a lot of the chicken â but youâll be the one shoveling food into your mouth, feeling full by the time Keigoâs eaten roughly ten bites.)
You wonât notice it much at all, really â which is why itâs such a shock to one day wake up in Keigoâs luxury, king-sized bed, the soft white sheets smelling like fresh laundry and the pretty red, silky pajamas heâd changed you into feeling foreign on your body.
But just like his more needy and clingy tendencies, Keigoâs controlling nature will start to show itself once heâs stolen you away. Thereâs no point in hiding how he feels now, is there? Youâre aware that heâs in love with you (he tells you every fucking day, after all, with a hushed voice that sounds much too vulnerable for you to bear and a barrage of kisses along your jawline and neck), so whatâs the point in dialing down some of the more questionable aspects of his infatuation?
Heâd kidnapped you out of paranoia, and now that youâre with him constantly, heâs able to really, fully control your actions and the things youâre allowed to do. Heâs not too dehumanizing with it, but thereâs a lot of limits on things that you normally wouldnât even think about â youâre allowed to watch TV, but only for an hour a day and only specific channels and programs heâs approved.
(Generally, the cutoff for what he considers âappropriateâ for you are things without graphic violence, nothing terribly sad, and nothing that would cause you tension or stress. So, all horror movies are off the table, all dramas, all action films, really only leaving the things he wouldnât mind watching with you â romances, mostly, and the occasional film with much more erotica than he realized. His face will turn red as the actors moan and whisper hushed I love youâs, his yellow eyes nervously flicking over to you from his spot beside you, his fingers itching to reach out to you, the blanket covering you both suddenly feeling much too hot.)
Youâre allowed to eat what you want, but with a few very strict guidelines â you canât have anything over a certain amount of grams of sugar, nor are you allowed to consume anything that isnât paired with a vegetable. Heâs forcing you to eat protein, and if you donât eat meat heâll count out a specific number of nuts you must consume that day, just to make sure youâre getting proper nutrition.
He especially loves if youâll let him feed the nuts to you, or any food, really â he likes to feel needed and helpful, and to have you looking at him with those pretty eyes, the fork pressed against your lips while you swallow and thank him for the food⌠It makes Keigoâs breathing get a bit heavy, his mouth watering because god, he wants to use that fork after you, would you think thatâs weird?
Heâs not taking away any of your basic privileges like dressing yourself or using the restroom alone, but Keigo has a way of making you feel pathetic without even trying to; thereâs just something about the way he looks at you, all soft smiles and wide eyes, his palms always clammy and nervous, his touch always hesitant but eager.
He wonât explicitly create a schedule for your daily life under his thumb, but youâll essentially be in one, anyways. He leaves for work in the mornings, parting from you with a very, very tonguey kiss, and while heâs gone on his patrol all day, youâll cycle through reading a few of the (pre-approved) books heâd gifted you, practicing your art skills, practicing your musical skills, and staring out the fifteen-story window, the one-way, bulletproof glass not giving you even the option to crack it if you wanted to brave the fall.
Youâll be stagnant, really, something that Keigo doesnât appreciate at all once he notices it happening, but it doesnât change the fact that he absolutely canât relinquish control â youâre his, and even if youâre unhappy, Keigo will be damned if he gives up caring for you and making your decisions for you. Thatâs love, isnât it? He knows whatâs best for you, so why canât you see that? Why do you fight him and tell him heâs a monster, a horrible, horrible man?
He just wants to keep you safe and happy and loved, so why are you making it so fucking difficult?
DEALING WITH RIVALS:
While Keigo isnât too terribly possessive as far as yanderes go, he really only has so much self-control. Of course, he doesnât like seeing other men around you, those already narrow eyes of his growing even sharper and smaller because he does not like this.
But what sets Keigo apart from others is that while heâs enraged, anxiety and anger prickling at his skin and causing goosebumps to litter his entire body, heâs smart. Heâs good at reading people, at fully assessing situations and making split seconds analyses, and thatâs exactly what heâll do whenever he sees you in a situation where another man is showing interest.
Heâll examine the manâs face â is he smiling? Laughing? Serious? Frowning?
Smiling and laughing generally means one of two things â either the man hopes to become friends or acquaintances with you, or heâs flirting and he thinks itâs going very well. Keigo canât decide which option he hates more.
A serious expression or a frown normally means that the man is trying to create a mysterious air â to embody hypermasculinity, to try and lure you in by looking the part of the strong, dominant man whoâs only weakness is you. It makes Keigo cringe, his nose scrunching up in a wince as he thinks of how terribly stupid this man must be to think youâd fall for something like that â he obviously doesnât know you or your intellect, at least not like Keigo does. Nobody knows you like Keigo does â not even yourself.
Heâs looking at the manâs body language â if heâs leaning towards you, he probably has less than innocent intentions, either trying to intimidate you or get close to you to fulfill some sick, perverted urge.
(An urge that Keigo knows all too well â the urge to feel you, to touch you, to smell you, to have your skin against his. Itâs an urge that heâs had to fight more times than he can count, stopping himself from scooping your into his arms and burying his face into the crook of your neck, his hands roaming every inch of your body because god, you smell good and youâre so fucking pretty and your voice is like heaven to his ears and you feel too damn good pressed against him like this and fuck you drive him absolutely insane.)
If the man has his hands in his pockets, that generally signals to Keigo that heâs not as confident at this as heâd like you to believe, showing the hero that the man is more than aware that youâre wildly out of his league, that really the man should have absolutely no business speaking with you.
Keigoâs noticing the distance between your body and the strangerâs â if itâs more than three feet, heâs able to take a small, minimally relieved sigh because at least the man isnât likely to try something. But if heâs closer to you, dangerously close to being in your space and making you feel uncomfortable, immediately Keigoâs wings are flapping, the movements harsh and unconscious as his fists tighten and he grits his teeth because heâll be damned if he lets anyone make you uncomfortable.
And heâs analyzing your body language, too, of course â if you like the interaction, if youâre pleased by the attention, if youâre scared, if you want to leave, even if you want to leave with the stranger himself. And while Keigo wishes he was wrong, the moments where you actually seem to be enjoying the flirting of a stranger make him bristle, a deep scowl settling on his face while insecurity and panic grip his heart because he has to stop this before it's too late â before you let yourself get wooed by another man before Keigo even gets the chance to fully earn your trust and adoration.
Seeing you approached by potential rivals for your love really brings out the worst side of Keigo â it brings out all the skills the Commission drilled into him, those eyes of his dissecting the other man like heâs merely a slab of meat, the blond finding every possible point of weakness in the manâs stature or attitude, just so Keigo can understand the full scope of what heâs competing with. Just so that Keigo can understand exactly how he can be better than this loser â how he can impress you and get you acting all bashful and dismissive of his witty flirting just like you should be.
Jealousy isnât too pretty on Keigo, and while he wonât just blindly murder any man that steals your attention for even a moment.
(Heâd lose his hero status very quickly, no matter how much he sometimes wants to send a feather clean through their neck, slicing their head off and feeling not a smidge of remorse because now heâll finally stop running his mouth at you when youâve clearly already been chosen to be Hawksâs woman â the number twoâs sweet, important little partner that he absolutely cannot lose).
His patrol had felt incredibly long today â no large villain sightings, with only a few petty muggers making the time pass. Keigo sighs, wings flapping and wind whipping in his ears as he eagerly scans the streets below.
Normally, youâd be walking to the grocery store right around now â heâd noticed you were low on eggs, so it was only a matter of time before you braved the cold autumn air. Suspicion immediately pricks along Keigoâs spine, however, as he slowly flies along the path that you take to the store. Youâre no where in sight â he doesnât see your familiar jacket or notice the way the sunlight glistens off your hair, and immediately something uncomfortable is settling in his gut.
This wasnât like you â youâd told him once that you prefer this time of day for your shopping because the store is the least crowded, and Keigo knows how you feel about interacting with strangers. And yet, youâre missing â something that makes him immediately pick up his speed, brows knitting together and his lower lip caught between his teeth. Eager eyes scan every sidewalk as he quickly makes his way to your apartment complex, every second that he doesnât see you only furthering the feeling of dread slowly eating at him.
Heâs near the point of whipping out his phone to call you and check the tracker heâd installed into your phone when he lets out an audible sigh of relief, having spotted your familiar form on the sidewalk below. Youâre only a few blocks from your apartment at this point â and with a look of disgust, Keigo identifies the reason why.
Thereâs a man with you.
Youâre standing and speaking with him, tucked away at the corner of the sidewalk, and immediately the feeling of panic is replaced by anger, his shoulders tensing up. As he swoops down and lands on the top of the building above you, he cranes his neck to get a better look at this man. Keigoâs never seen him before â youâve never interacted with him in all the months heâs been watching you, leading him to believe that this man is a stranger.
Keigo taps his foot impatiently, trying to decide if this is good news or bad news. On the one hand, itâs always good news to know that you donât have many men in your life â Keigo should be the only one, really, the only person, even, not just man.
But it also means that this stranger probably stopped you to strike up a conversation, which can only means two things â either the man is asking an innocent question, or heâs interested in you. Interested in you, as in wanting to date you, to kiss your pretty lips and hear you whisper those three words and bend you in half and make you scream and moan and gush-
Keigo grits his teeth, left eye twitching slightly at the mere thought of this man being brazen enough to approach you like this. And based off the way he keeps steadily stepping closer to you and you keep subtly shifting away from him, Keigo suddenly understands exactly whatâs going on.
He hesitates for only a moment, a small pang of doubt registering in the back of his mind (wondering if this is how you look when youâre with Keigo himself, that annoying insecurity revolving around anything romantic and anything with you once again filling him with false worries), before heâs jumping from the rooftop, landing with a small grunt onto the sidewalk a few feet away from the two of you.
Clearing his throat, he walks with a bit more urgency than normal towards you, slinging an arm around your shoulder and leaning in.
Whatâre we talking about? Keigo asks, yellow eyes fixed on the man, any semblance of a smile gone from his face. His chest is puffed out ever so slightly, wings spread to make his physical presence as big as possible, to make him as intimidating as possible. Immediately youâre jumping, slightly embarrassed and slightly relieved at Keigoâs sudden presence. He feels you relax slightly against him and tries to ignore the way his throat goes dry and his pupils dilate â heâll relive the memory of you feeling safe around him later tonight, but nowâs not the time.
The man steps back immediately, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking at the hero sheepishly, guilt written all over his face. Keigo scoffs under his breath, examining the manâs face in closer detail. Heâs somewhat attractive, and that same nagging voice comes back, idly wondering if youâd prefer brunettes like this man over blondes like Keigo, or if you preferred slightly taller men, because this stranger is easily a few inches taller than the hero. He frows, biting the inside of his cheek and willing the thoughts to go away â at least until heâs sorted this out.
Oh, Hawks, hey man, I didnât â weâre not talkinâ about anything. Nice to meet you, miss. The man fumbles for his words, before quickly backpedaling and practically running the opposite direction, peeking over his shoulder every once in a while and wincing.
Keigo holds his ground, not moving, keeping those eyes locked on the manâs figure until heâs eventually a good block or two away. Only then does Keigo turn to you, his cheeks a little pink as he flashes you a smile. Heâs still got his arm wrapped around your shoulder, and he gives you a small squeeze that he hopes isnât too forward â he wouldnât want you to get the idea that heâs after the same thing that stranger had been.
(Though really, isnât he? He just wants all of you, not only your body â and he can take much better care of you, canât he? Better than that gangly, sleazy man ever could, better than any other man ever could.)
Heâs brought out of his small reverie by you profusely thanking him, telling him that the man had just approached you out of nowhere and you didnât know how to leave the situation without it potentially escalating.
Keigo only smiles lazily, nodding at you and telling you not to worry, that heâs a pro hero, so itâs kind of my job, you know? Though for my favorite civilian, I donât mind working overtime.
He winks at you after that, feeling only slightly anxious that youâll find the action too arrogant, but you only blink owlishly at him, mumbling something about feeling guilty that itâs âovertimeâ. Keigo waves off your concerns, releasing your shoulder and trying not to show loss on his face.
You thank him again, smiling at him in a way that gets his knees very close to buckling, but he just clears his throat and nods, saluting you playfully and letting his wings flap, already a few feet in the air as he tells you to enjoy the rest of your night and to call him if any other creeps show up. Youâre still smiling as he flies back over the roof of the building, but you donât notice how he stops, peeking over the roof to see you make your way in the direction of the grocery store.
A small smile sits on his lips at the sight, smaller and more genuine than the smirk heâd been wearing moments ago.
Knew it, he thinks earnestly, already mentally predicting what youâll pick up from the store. And as he hovers back into the air, cracking his neck and knuckles, he decides following you there couldnât hurt â just in case any more men decide to mess with his woman.Â
TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:
Keigoâs obsession with you is overwhelming, terrifying, and pushes him to do a number of things that force his morals to be flung out the window of favor of keeping you safe, happy, his, but thereâs still a few things that he canât push himself to do, even with you in mind. One of these things is to steal you away.
 Kidnapping you is not something he wants to do â he may nurse a few beliefs about how youâll eventually forgive him for being so obsessive and domineering over you, but Keigo isnât stupid. He knows your image of him will never recover if he presses the chloroform-soaked rag up to your mouth and coos at you while you fall limp and into his arms.
He knows youâll never truly forgive him if you wake up one morning in his apartment, breakfast in bed waiting beside you while he stares eagerly down at you, apologizing for having to be so extreme but trying desperately to convince you that he had no other choice, that he did it for you, that he did it to keep you safe.
He knows it wonât go over well, and Keigo already feels so unsure of how to properly court you and make you genuinely like him and not just Hawks that he doesnât want to do something even slightly risky. He already knows that stalking you, breaking into your home at night to restock your refrigerator and lay beside you on your bed is crossing enough boundaries and grounds for you to be seriously afraid of him, but kidnapping you is a line he simply isnât willing to cross.
At least, thatâs how he initially feels â until something drastic happens, something that seriously threatens your safety and Keigo canât just simply sit back and allow it to happen. And of course, itâs fucking Dabi â Keigoâs stomach drops when he hears you mention something about running into a man on your way over a cozy cup of coffee in a local cafĂŠ, the air warm and smelling of espresso.
Heâd picked the cafĂŠ because he knew it wasnât super busy â as much as his pride swells when civilians notice him and beg him for autographs and photos right in front of you, it also makes him nervous because the last thing he wants is to come off as cocky or arrogant or rude.
(Plus, the thought of making you jealous of his fans â especially the adoring women â gets his heart racing, his face and ears feeling hot because it makes him feel good that youâre being possessive over him, but he really doesnât want you to worry. Heâll always be yours.)
But now heâs wishing it was full to the brim, voices chattering and making it difficult to hear the way you describe a man with so many piercings and a pretty serious skin condition came up to me, he knew my name! Keigo, why do you think he knew my name? Do you think I should be worried?
Heâs stiff, every muscle in his body tense and his grip on the coffee cup in his hand so tight that it shatters, coffee and ceramic shards getting everywhere. Heâs still staring at you, though, even as you gasp and stand up, running to grab some napkins and wipe up the still steaming coffee. Thereâs some on his hand but he doesnât seem to care â to even notice, really, if the way heâs just staring and not even flinching is any indication.
Your brows furrow as you wipe the drink off of him, chest heaving slightly as you ask him if heâs okay, if it hurts, if heâs even listening to you. Keigo just swallows, still looking at you, before telling you with an unnervingly flat voice that itâs certainly weird, but I wouldnât worry about it.
You donât mention it again, instead trying to ignore the heavy atmosphere and the way heâs looking at you, all wide-eyed and not a single bit of emotion on his face. Itâs scaring you, to be honest, and youâre quick to give him a small side hug and thank him for meeting you for coffee. Keigo mumbles something back as he watches you walk away, something prickling at the corners of his eyes that almost feel like tears as he imagines how Dabi couldâve possibly learned about you.
Heâd been so fucking careful â always making sure to not let his phone ever directly point at your face or your address, never explicitly saying your full name in case he was being bugged, never even breathing any bit of information that the greedy bastard could get his hands on.
And yet, itâd all been for nothing â because now that Dabi knows about you, everything has changed. Youâre in danger, because although Keigo believes that Dabi wonât immediately kill you, he canât simply rely on his gut â youâre in danger. And although heâd promised himself he wouldnât snatch you away, that he wouldnât betray your trust and make you hate him, he doesnât really have a choice now, does he?
And so, with a heavy heart and red, puffy eyes, Keigo slips into your apartment, the sleeping pills heâd mixed into your water sitting on your nightstand leaving you out like a light, even as he fabricates the crime scene. Heâs shattering your window to mimic a home invader, tangling up your sheets and leaving dirty prints coming out your front door, your clothes ransacked and your television and computer destroyed.
It has to look real, after all â faking a death is difficult but heâs done it before, and as he soars away across town to his own apartment, with you clutched in his arms and your hair tickling his neck, Keigo can only whisper apologies against the crown of your head, squeezing his eyes closed and hoping that even in your unconscious state, you can feel how terribly, terribly sorry he is.
Of course, even though your kidnapping isnât the idea situation for you or your captor, Keigo still tries to make the best of it. He doesnât pretend to think that youâre happy with him â he expects the crying and screaming when you wake up the next morning, his expression carefully neutral as you accuse him of being a villain, a creep, even though it makes his chest ache in a way no injury ever has, his lips feeling numb because god, he canât breath with how you look at him in disgust and hatred.
Itâs horrible â but he grits his teeth and bares it, avoiding the pillows (lush and top-quality, of course, covered in sheets of your favorite color) youâre throwing at him, not saying anything until youâve had your fill. And really, his explanation once youâd calmed down enough to listen to it isnât nearly enough â heâs at a loss for words, really, looking at you with such honest eyes that it only makes you cry harder.
Heâll tell you that I need to keep you safe, and I â Iâm selfish, so this is the only way. Itâs lackluster and itâll have you despising him, but as the days slowly pass, youâll find yourself growing less and less enraged at him, instead growing more and more complacent about your new life.
Because really, Keigo absolutely fucking spoils you. Heâs certainly not hurting financially, and he wonât bat an eye at buying anything and everything he thinks you could possibly want.
Heâs getting takeout every night, ordering all your favorites (without having to ask you, of course, something thatâd scared you at first, but thereâs something about the way he eyes you as you eat it that makes you pause, his small, almost shy question of do you like it sounding rushed and nervous) and making sure to pick up snacks and goodies on his way home from almost every patrol. He loves to see you smile, and even in the beginning, when youâre still afraid of him and betrayed, the way your lips quirk up ever so slightly into the shadow of a smile when he hands you your favorite snack makes him gulp, something warm and overwhelming and hopeful bubbling up inside him.
Heâs buying you pretty necklaces and jewelry that remind him of you, all the pieces startlingly within your tastes, his memory of the jewelry you used to wear so acute and strong that he knows your style even better than you do.
All of the clothing he buys for you (mostly comfortable clothing, lounging shirts and sweatpants and giant blanket ponchos) fits you perfectly, almost seeming to be tailored with the way they fit around your bust, hips, ass, shoulders, and thighs.
(He wonât buy you any formal clothing, however â heâs faked your death, and he canât exactly take you out for a nice date now, can he? He wouldnât mind doing a candle-lit dinner in his own apartment, maybe sprinkling a few rose petals over the table and cooking you something that he really, really needs you to like, but he knows you arenât willing. Youâd thrash and refuse, not eating his food and looking at him with those eyes, the ones that are hard and calloused and sting with pain. So, he instead purchases the pretty dresses with low tops and slits up the leg, storing them in his spare closet so that you never see them, so that you donât feel forced into anything more than you donât want. Kidnapping is enough â romantic dinners would be amazing, the kind of thing that Keigo thinks about with a small, sad smile on his face as he watches you sleep late at night, but certainly not a thing that could happen. Absolutely not â at least, not any time soon.)
Heâs embracing each and ever artistic and creative passion youâve ever had, buying you unfathomable amounts of supplies and instruments of the highest quality, waiting with baited breath to see if you like them, hoping with his hands clutched into fists at his side that youâll smile at him, that youâll look at him in anything other than hate â and perhaps, if heâs lucky enough, youâll even thank him.
(Just the thought makes him shiver, a blush rising from his chest all the way up his neck because he canât not immediately imagine the way youâd thank him â perhaps youâd give him a kiss, full of tongue and spit and moans, or maybe youâd even sink to your knees for him, telling him that you appreciate his thoughtfulness, his love, how he works so hard to keep me safe, wonât you let me thank you, Keigo? Please?)
Itâs wishful thinking, of course, but Keigo tries to do everything humanly possible to keep you as happy as you can be given the situation. Of course, heâs still controlling, laying down rules that youâll be too afraid to disobey, because although Keigo is soft with you and treats you like youâre made of glass, youâve seen the televised fights, the way his knuckles are sometimes bruised after patrols, the way he snaps angrily into his phone when the Commission calls him with yet another assignment. Heâs still dictating what you can eat, how much contact you get with the outside world, your limited sources of entertainment, anything and everything. But he tries his absolute hardest to respect you in every other way, if only to perhaps plant the seeds of you one day growing to tolerate him, of you one day even perhaps loving him.
And so, Keigo forces himself to do the hardest thing of all â not physically crowd you. Heâs always wanted to be touchy with you, the years of not having anyone to hold or even give platonic physical affection causing him to be touch-starved, and so once you come into the picture?
Well, heâs only a man â he canât help but imagine the way your hand would feel in his, fingers intertwined and your soft skin pressed against his own rougher hands.
He canât help but imagine kissing you, feeling how soft and gentle your lips would be against his, how you taste, how youâd make little sighs and whines when he starts kissing you harder, deeper, letting even just the smallest sliver of his desperation for you shine through.
He canât help but imagine pulling your body against his own, keeping every inch of you flush with him while you watch a movie together, his fingers toying absentmindedly with your hair, deep exhales sounding from behind you each time he leans in to catch a whiff of you.
He canât not imagine the way youâd get all shy and bashful when the hand thatâs been running up and down your sides suddenly dips lower, cupping at your ass while he lowly mumbles your name, telling you that he canât hold back anymore, angel, canât I have a taste?
Heâs being good â heâs forcing all those urges and fantasies to the side, not putting you in a position where you feel forced into physical contact of any kind, sexual or otherwise. Heâs respecting you, prioritizing you, even if it slowly destroys him. Having you right there, stuck with him, permanently bound to his side makes him want to grab onto you and never let go, to latch onto you like some sort of leech and take everything you have to offer and then some. It drives him fucking crazy, but he knows heâll get nowhere by forcing anything onto you.
And so, he holds his tongue, forcing his hand to not reach out and touch, forcing himself to not say the compliment on the tip of his tongue thatâll likely make you more uncomfortable than flattered. Heâs good, and eventually youâll end up slowly coming to tolerate him. Sure, heâs kidnapped you and sure, youâre still understandably upset at him, but isnât he right? Youâd seen the man that approached you before Keigo stole you away â if heâd attacked you, what would you have done? Youâd have hoped and prayed that Hawks would have shown up, that youâd been saved because you were too weak and incapable of doing it yourself.
So maybe heâs right â maybe you do need him, like he tells you late at night when he thinks youâre asleep. He sounds like heâs trying to convince himself, sounding more and more sure of himself as the night wears on and he repeats aloud that heâs keeping you safe, Iâm keeping you safe, I know you donât understand it now but someday youâll realize that I only took you to keep you out of harmâs way.
And once you get past that barrier of hatred and animosity, itâs disturbingly easy to let Keigo take full control, to give into him in every possible way.
Youâll stop fighting his diet planning, youâll gladly thank him for any book he gives you as entertainment, youâll eagerly listen when he tells you about his patrol and how he encountered so many villains whoâd done horrible things. And Keigo will notice this change in your attitude â itâs too early to tell and heâs always been too pessimistic to be hopeful, but you almost seem to be liking him. Youâre starting to revert back to the woman he first became obsessed with â all smiles and laughter and snarky comments that left him choking on his drink.
And he canât believe it â he has to pinch himself, staring at you in shock with a flushed face as you make some comment alluding to him being âtoo handsome for his own goodâ, the fork in his hand clattering down onto the plate. From there, itâs a steady trajectory up â youâll start getting even more little knick-knacks, shiny things and expensive things that he leaves in pretty, bow-wrapped boxes for you, a card written in his best handwriting that says something along the lines of for my angel.
Itâs cheesy and makes you laugh a bit, but Keigo keeps doing because god, please laugh like that again, say his name while you do it and maybe even reach out to touch his shoulderâŚ
He jumps at the opportunity to further your changing opinion of him, determined to make you like him, determined to let him love you like he knows he can â like heâll do anything to prove to you.
PUNISHMENTS:
As a general rule, getting Keigo upset with you is kind of difficult. He views you as his own personal slice of heaven, the only thing that he truly has. Youâre the only thing that belongs to Keigo Takami, not Hawks, not the Commission, only him, and because of that he tends to idolize you.
Youâre his first real romantic partner, his first real romantic experience, and the combination of that plus his intense, pitifully strong desire to please you makes it hard for him to stay angry at you for any significant period of time. And so, while heâs far from the ideal captor (too clingy, too controlling, too awed when he looks at you), Keigo will avoid punishing you at all costs.
He just doesnât see the point â he doesnât want you to hate him any more than you already do, and the thought of purposefully hurting you makes him feel physically ill. He hates seeing you in pain â itâs part of what drove him to steal you away, after all, the terror he felt at knowingly putting you in harmâs way. Heâs protective and frankly anal about your health, and so to purposefully bruise your pretty skin or make you cry makes him angry enough to want to hit something, angry enough to literally writhe in his own rage.
And so, Keigo swears off any sort of physical altercations with you â heâs just too strong and youâre just too weak, and it would break him to know that he was the source of your pain and misery.
(He knows he is, already, but he canât be the source of it physically, too, otherwise he might just shatter, feeling entirely numb and carrying out his missions like a robot, utterly unaffected by the world because he hurt you, and can he even call himself a decent hero, a decent man after that?)
However, while causing you physical harm is off the table, Keigo is realistic enough about your situation to know that punishing you entirely is something he canât avoid. You will act out, heâs sure of it â heâd be concerned if you didnât, really, and so heâs expecting you to lash out at him and try to hurt him. If he were you, heâd do it too.
But as much as he expects this behavior and wouldnât fault you for it, Keigo knows that if he wants to make any progress, if he wants to give you even a chance at eventually growing complacent (itâs a selfish desire, really, but itâs the only route he can see to where youâll be even remotely happy, or at least not fighting tooth and nail at all costs), he has to establish repercussions for when youâre throwing tantrums or acting poorly.
It feels condescending and Keigo hates it, but he decides that where physical punishments fail, he must rely on emotional ones. Itâs manipulative and it makes Keigo feel dirty, disgusting, like a poor excuse for your so-called-protector, but itâs his only choice. He has to get you into shape, both for your sake and his. Itâs the only choice, he swears.
You really hadnât meant to stumble upon something you werenât supposed to find, really. As a general rule, you donât snoop through Keigoâs things â heâs a clean freak, first of all, the apartment he keeps you in minimalistic with everything in its correct spot. Itâs classy and pretty, sure, but itâs boring, and can you really be blamed for wanting to explore after a few weeks cooped up in this penthouse?
Certainly not â which is how you find yourself tiptoeing into Keigoâs bedroom â heâd brought up the idea of sharing a bed multiple times only to be outright refused by you, and so he kept his things in this separate room. And it wasnât explicitly off-limits, your captor never actually telling you that you couldnât venture in. And so here you are, opening up the tall, wooden cabinet in the corner of the room and immediately sucking in a sharp breath at what you find.
Youâd known Keigo had stalked you, the confession slipping from his lips early on into your captivity and the evidence difficult to deny.
(How else could he have known all your preferences before you ever voice them, knowing the way you like your morning drink, the products you use in the shower, hell, even the way you sleep â getting the pillows you like, pajamas similar to your own, even the type of sheet you prefer.)
Youâd known, sure, but this â this is something else entirely. The cabinetâs housing a variety of items that send a chill down your spine because theyâre yours.
An old bottle of perfume sits on the corner, the brand name smudged off from wear, and you bite your lip as you notice itâs still got just a bit left, though not nearly the amount you remember when itâd gone missing a few months ago. Your nose scrunches at the thought of him using your perfume, and bile rises in the back of your throat as you start imagining exactly how itâd been used, for what purpose and how often for that much to be gone.
Thereâs a few old lip balms sitting there, organized by flavor â cherry at the right, then melon, then mint, then peach and coconut. You donât bother looking at them closely, too nervous to find signs of usage from someone other than you. (Which is good: the mint flavored Chapstickâs missing a chunk, with  what looks like teeth marks sunken into the material.)
Thereâs an old hairbrush you thought youâd left at a friendâs place, still a few tufts of hair left between the bristles, though something seems to be crusted against the handle, and you wince at the thought of what that could possibly be. Youâre scared, really, your heart screaming at you to stop searching, begging you to not look deeper because you donât want to know what else heâs stolen from you, but your mind urges you to keep going, some sort of sick urge to know exactly what heâs taken, why heâs taken it.
(Though, you think you already know â the way he leans in close to smell you when he thinks heâs being subtle is telling, as is the way he has you sort out your used period products into a separate waste container, telling you that it's because the pads he gives you are compostable. Youâve seen the way the bags linger, though, staying in his bathroom, blood sometimes sitting under his nails when he emerges, eyes dilated and licking his lips at you.)
But as soon as you spot the photographs, you crumble.
Of course youâd known he was stalking you, following your every move and watching you at your most vulnerable, but somehow this is worse â thereâs dozens of them, stacked neatly in piles that you canât even begin to understand. Leafing through them with shaking fingers, they only seem to get worse and worse, images of you laying on your couch, cooking, doing your makeup, changing into your bathrobe, sleeping, and oh god, thereâs even one of you on your bed, legs spread and fingers thrusting and rubbing and oh god youâre going to be sick-
The photographs fall from your fingertips as you shakily take a few steps back, the sound of the front door opening and Keigoâs call of Iâm home making panic swim in your veins. Heâs quick to come find you, asking you in a voice thatâs edging on concerned where you are, but when he steps into his bedroom and spots you against the far wall, hands covering your mouth and the wooden door open and askew, Keigoâs clenching his teeth, jaw working.
Oh, is all he has to say, and it snaps you out of your horror.
Oh? Thatâs it? Thatâs fucking it, Keigo? What â what is this? Youâre sick, a sick freak! Why do you have my stuff? Whatâs wrong with you? Youâre yelling, pushing yourself further against the wall, and he can only frown, irritation and worry eating away at him because god, hearing you so upset is physically hurting him but thereâs nothing he can do.
You werenât supposed to see that, itâs, uh⌠He trails off, mind racing and panicking as he tries to think of what to say, but you donât let the silence sit for long.
Thereâs something wrong with you, youâre a fucking monster! You think youâre a hero? Stalking some poor civilian, stealing her shit, photographing her while sheâs sleeping? Youâre disgusting, a horrible, twisted, sick creep! Stay away from me!
Youâre crawling backwards away from him as he comes towards you, his hands in front of him as a sign of peace. Youâre crying, he can see, and it only makes his chest ache more, shame and self-loathing away at him because youâre right â heâs sick in the head, he knows it, but he canât help it.
I know, I know, calm down, youâre going to hurt yourself if you donât stop crying, angel â
It's the wrong thing to say and he immediately knows it, because you give him a glare that makes something sharp dig into his heart, so much so that he physically clutches at his chest, wincing and averting his eyes from yours.
I hate you, Keigo, you whisper, and it makes something ugly come from his throat, a mix between a gasp and a whimper. I hate you I hate you I hate you.
Heâs frozen for a moment, before swallowing, nodding his head and blinking the tears out of his eyes. I know, he starts, before turning on his heel and walking towards the doorway to the bedroom. I know you hate me, but youâre stuck with me.
And with that he walks to the front door, slamming it behind him and leaving the apartment empty. You stay curled up on the ground for a few minutes, still crying and hiccupping, the influx of emotion making your head ache. Youâd been here for weeks now, and you thought youâd moved on from these crying episodes, from these emotional outbursts, but something about the photos had opened the floodgates.
After another ten minutes, you shakily get up, still rubbing at your eyes and avoiding looking at the wooden cabinet. You all but sprint to your own bed â the bed he gave you, at least â and curl up on top of it, letting your eyes shut and exhaustion fall over you. Itâs not until you wake a few hours later that you notice Keigo still hasnât returned home yet.
That was odd â heâs not on shift, and it was the middle of the night by now. Where was he? Shaking your head, flashes of the photographs race through your head, forcing you to stop thinking of Keigo. The night is quiet as you make yourself something small to eat â a piece of bread and a small amount of the low-fat butter Keigo eats, the apartment still eerily quiet.
You fall into a restless slumber soon after, your dreams filled with the sensation of something â someone â watching over your sleeping form.
When you awake, thereâs still no sign of him â everythingâs quiet and empty, and you bite your lip, equal parts relieved that heâs nowhere in sight but also slightly concerned. The feeling looms over you as the day slips away, his presence still gone. Itâs not until two days later that Keigo finally returns home, and by that point the paranoia at his absence leaves you perking up when you hear the faint jingling of keys.
Youâre immediately on your feet, practically tripping as you run to the front door, eager for him to return, eager to not be all alone and scared â something youâd realized about a day ago. Youâd actually been afraid of his absence. Perhaps it was survival, wanting to make sure you had enough food and someone with the locks to all the keys thatâd be able to let you out, or perhaps it was that you needed him. Maybe you needed some human contact, the total silence and your inability to contact anyone driving you stir crazy.
Regardless, you wait with eager anticipation as Keigo opens the door, those yellow eyes immediately catching yours, his expression carefully neutral though you can see something behind the practiced apathy. Itâs relief, you think, and something else â something more desperate, something more vulnerable, something that makes you launch yourself into his arms, nearly knocking the wind out of him as he stares wildly down at you, shock written all across his face.
Heâd expected that youâd be relieved that he came home, happy to have your source of food and care back, but not this excited â he swallows, frantically trying to not focus on the way your body is pressing against his and how he can feel all of you, instead letting his arms hesitantly wrap around you, not wanting to scare you.
Youâre saying his name, he realizes, and he furrows his brows, closing his eyes and letting the sound ring through his ears. Itâs wrong to be enjoying your clearly distraught state and he knows it, but he canât help it â youâve never initiated physical contact like this before, and is it really such a crime to be enjoying it?
Iâm here, angel, âm here, he tells you, petting a hand over your hair and letting you squeeze him tighter. Please never leave me again, Keigo, please!
Youâre begging him, he realizes, and it forces him to hug you just a bit tighter, his wings coming down to join the hug to. Closing his eyes again, Keigo lets out a slow, deep sigh, relishing in the way youâre clinging to him for comfort, begging him to never leave you for a moment.
And as he whispers a small Iâm yours, Iâll never leave you again, you can only nod against his chest, disgusted with yourself for this display of your dependence on him. Because really, when had you become so fond of your captor? The photographs are still on the ground in his bedroom, all the things he's stolen from you sitting in that damned cabinet, but you find yourself not caring.
As you breathe in the now familiar smell of his cologne, hear his heart pounding away in his chest, you find that you donât care about anything, really â because perhaps what heâs been saying along is really true.
Maybe you are in need of protection, needing him to provide for you. Because youâd been left alone for three days, and what do you have to show for it? Panic, loneliness, fear that heâd left you behind? Maybe you really are just as weak as he makes you out to be â and as you slowly pull back from the hug, you find yourself ever so briefly being thankful for him.
Thankful that youâve finally, finally found where you belong: by Keigoâs side, letting him fawn over you and keep you locked up like some prized pet.
OVERALL DANGER:
6/10
Keigo is less dangerous and more paranoid. He has so many alter egos and warring identities that once you come along, encouraging him to just be Keigo around you rather than Pro Hero Hawks or PLF Hawks, he canât let you slip away.
Thereâs something about you that doesnât leave his mind â perhaps itâs your mannerisms, your looks, the way you speak, how you walk and how you smell and how you think. Maybe itâs some twisted form of fate, or some long-repressed part of his quirk thatâs beginning him to finally find a companion, a mate, someone to share himself with.
Regardless, once Keigoâs obsession forms, heâs a lost cause â heâs thinking of you constantly, unable to stop his mind from wandering into idle thoughts of what youâre doing or how youâre feeling. He finds himself unconsciously trailing behind you, watching over you from above with those sharp eyes of his narrowed in on your form, studying and memorizing the curves of your body underneath your clothing, the way you walk ingrained into him so deeply that when he closes his eyes all he sees is you.
His paranoia grows as his obsession does, too, the worrying realization that youâre weak making it difficult for him to ever part from you, anxiety swimming in his gut because what if you get hurt and he isnât there to help you? What if you get into trouble and he isnât there to swoop and be your savior?
(Some sick, twisted part of him almost wishes you would run into trouble, just so he could put himself into the position of being your knight in shining armor, of making you swoon for him, feeling the way youâd be so very grateful and want to make it up to him in any way you could. He forces the thought down, disgusted with himself for fantasizing about you being in danger, but during long nights where he tosses and turns in his too-empty and too-cold bed, the thought of you looking at him in such awe and gratitude makes something warm, wet, and shameful throb to life between his legs.)
He does eventually kidnap you, yes, but as time passes youâll find that slowly youâll stop caring about how he keeps you trapped by his side, how he controls your every day life, how he forces you into all sorts of loungey, comfortable clothing that always smells like him. Because really, Keigo is awfully pathetic â he thinks heâs good at hiding just how badly you affect him, but you can see the way he perks up when you enter a room, looking so hopefully and lovesick as he gazes at you that it almost hurts.
Youâll be able to tell how his heart is racing in his chest when you get close to him, his breath turning ragged and his palms so sweaty that when he wipes them on his pants they leave wet marks. Itâs pathetic, sad, cute, and as time passes with Keigo as the only person in your life, slowly youâll begin wondering if being loved by him isnât bad.
Is what Keigo can give you â protection, adoration, reliability, devotion â really so bad? Is it so bad to just be loved?
And Keigo will be there waiting for you once you finally come around, his hands trembling as he hugs you, burying his face into your neck and you swear you feel something wet against your skin, his tears tickling you as his shoulders shake. He just loves you, and how cruel can you be to reject him, to leave him without the only person heâs ever cared for?
How could you be such a monster?
#yandere bnha#yandere mha#yandere boku no hero academia#yandere my hero academia#yandere hawks#yandere keigo takami#hawks x reader#_lee's profiles#_keigo takami#_bnha
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how to post songs as mp3 files and avoid copyright
a bunch of people were asking how to post music on tumblr so here's some kind of tutorial n_n there's probably a thousand better ways to do it out there but this is what i do and it works for me
Step 1: Acquiring music
Before you post any music you gotta have it as an mp3 file. Bunch of people mentioned mp3 converters but my favorite way has always been to just download discographies from blogs. You google "(band) complete discography free download" or something like that and something's bound to show up. If you've doing this for a while you'll skip this first part and go straight to the places you know will have it- here's some of my favorite blogspots for it - but they're all very specific to the stuff i listen to (mainly punk and latin american rock).
These type of sites tend to be genre-specific so if you're looking for, say, a prog rock band, maybe you'll have more luck searching for prog rock downloads websites. The older or more obscure the band, the easier it will be to find. And you'll find that a lot of these sites are not in english- you have to get comfortable visiting and downloading from sites in spanish, portuguese, russian or what have you and your life will get easier.
Don't limit yourself to blogs or music download-specific sites. Some people post album dl links on youtube. When i was in high school i downloaded The Black Parade from DeviantArt. The internet is far and wide and you can find stuff anywhere
But what if i can't find an album like this?
Alternative 1: Legally
Go find a record store and buy the album you want. You can also check the artist's bandcamp or any other website where you can buy their music and get it as a file on your pc (no streaming shit). Some albums are out there for free, legally! If you know an artist who uploads their music to tumblr you can just right click on their mp3 upload and download it directly :^)
Alternative 2: The classic
you can pretty much google youtube mp3 converter and click any link and it'll do the work. Here's a link from a safe piracy subreddit. You paste a youtube vid's link and hit convert/download etc.
I've also heard some people say Lucida is good (lets you download songs and albums by pasting the spotify/bandcamp/wtv link) but i can't say it has worked for me- always gives me a network error. But maybe it works for someone else.
Step 2: I got the music- now what?
Now you post it! Some songs (obscure or copyright-free enough) will just let you post them like that. Most songs won't. For a lot of them you'll have to add some silence or edit the metadata.
Adding silence to a song:
Option 1: Get audacity for free. Go to File > Open on the top bar and open the song you wanna add the silence to. Make sure you're at the start of the track (it says 00h00m00s at the bottom). Go to Generate > Silence... on the top bar also. Choose how long you want the silence to be, click "generate". You'll see a straight line appear at the start of the track- that means it worked. Go to File > Export > Export as MP3 to save it. You'll see a pop up where you can edit the metadata (things like artist, year, genre, etc.) i like having my audio files with metadata but for the purpose of tumblr posts you'll want to leave all that empty- if it's got that info erase it. Click "Ok". Done!
Option 2: Do it online on audiomass. Go to File > Load from Computer, open the song. Click on the white square with the S (insert silence button). Choose how long you want it to be, click "insert silence". You'll see a straight line appear at the start of the track- that means it worked. Go to File > Export/Download. Make sure it's mp3 format, i always save it as 256kbps but it's not neccessary. Click export. Done!
Some songs let you get away with only 5 or 8 seconds of silence. I try to have it be as short as possible, but most songs will need 10 seconds of silence. Sometimes even a little more, if even with the 10 seconds it doesn't let you post it try adding 0.25s more and checking.
I always play the file i just exported, to make sure everything's right.
Editing the metadata:
I'm gonna be honest i don't know how necessary this is but the audio post format works in mysterious ways so it's always better to be one step ahead. If you got it from youtube to mp3 or already added the silence then your file won't have any metadata, unless you didn't clear it when exporting from audacity. if you got it legally or pirated from any blogspot type site and didn't edit it at all it will probably have metadata. To edit it you have to right click the file > Properties, go to the "details" tab, and there you'll see things like title, author, year, genre, etc. You can just click on any section and change or erase it, then click "Ok".
As a last thing, it's generally better if the file is not saved as the song's name. Just name it anything else.
Compressing the file:
I almost forgot but there's also a size limit. I don't remember it at the moment because i've only had a problem with it once, but if you do just google "compress mp3 file" and go on any website to do it LOL
Step 3: Posting it
Now just go make a new audio post. Upload the file from your pc. If there's an error sometimes it'll tell you what it is (you don't own this song/the file is too heavy/etc) but sometimes it will just delete the audio post format and not tell you anything. If there's any error make sure you did everything (the silence, the metadata, the size, the file name). Maybe go back and add 0.5 or 1 more second of silence at the start. Sometimes tumblr just won't want you to post a song even with every step done right- nothing to do about that :( Sometimes you can try back after a while and it will let you post the song- sometimes it won't. There's no real logic to it tbh.
But if everything goes right it will upload correctly. Now you can add the song's title, artist and album info, and album art or whatever image you want n_n Hit post and done!
#im sure someone'll see this post and go damn bitch you live like this#piracy#<- not specifically but eh#im in desperate need for ska themed blinkies btw#chizitxt#music
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Hey so I'm going to make this as absolutely non-judgmental as possible, but I've been seeing a lot of people complaining about certain content in the tags again. I see more of those posts than I do the content people are talking about.
And look man, you absolutely DO NOT have to be okay or comfortable with seeing that kind of content. It's natural for it to make you feel kinda icky, especially of you have some trauma related to it. I get it.
But trying to censor the internet is a sysaphian task that you are not up to. You're only going to end up making yourself feel more bitter and angry and you're going to have a hard time enjoying the media you love because of it. You need to learn how to curate your own online experience.
So this is how you do it.
STEP ONE: BLOCK THE TAG:
Oh no! You've seen something and you didn't like it! That sucks! What do you do now?
1. Go to your tumblr homepage (this is for mobile btw but I can make one for desktop if wanted)

And click on the little gear icon (this is my main Blog btw)
2. Go to your account settings

Helpfully highlighted for you here.
3. Go to "Content You See"

You can manage a lof of your online experience under this tab btw
4. Go "Filtered Tags" and type in the tag you want to filter



AND VOILA!!! You won't be seeing anything tagged with that anymore!!!
"BUT AIDEN WAIT" I hear you cry, "WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DONT PROPERLY TAG THEIR CONTENT?!"
That is a major problem and those people suck!! So what do we do when we come across them??
STEP TWO: BLOCK THE USER
You fucking block them. It's not rude, it's not "losing" its just protecting you piece. Here's how
1. Click on the tumblr users name. Here's a rando I found on my dash

This will take you to their page.
2. Click the little person icon

You know the one!
3. Hit the block button.

It's right there. So pretty, so beautiful. Block button my beloved, I use her liberally.
Note: DO NOT HARRASS PEOPLE. DO NOT ANNOUNCE YOUR DEPARTURE, THIS IS TUMBLR NOT A FUCKIN AIRPLANE.
Harassing people because you don't like their content isn't going to make them stop posting it. Most times it makes them double down. All your doing is getting yourself worked up over nothing. It's hateful.
Just block them and move on with your day. You're going to feel so much better. You don't need to say your final piece, or attack someone about it. It just makes you look bad. Again, trying to censor the internet will get you no where and only hurt yourself more. Just block the tag, block the user, and enjoy the work that you actually like to see in this world. Please.
And if anyone comes into my inbox or at me on this post with any sort of hatefulness, I'll just assume you live a sad pathetic life and block you â¨ď¸â¨ď¸ and then I'll go hang out with my chill ass moots and read my fluffy fan fic đđ
#i hate clogging the tag more but i fear this is the only way to reach my target audience#i promise i wont do it again#resident evil#leon kennedy x reader#leon kennedy#re4#re4 remake#albert wesker#albert wesker x reader
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maybe this sounds a lil weird but could you pls write abt how all of the cod boys (including graves and kĂśing) dating a female!reader WHO SUPER famous like taylor swift level famous.
thank youuuuuđđđ
TF141 + graves and kĂśnig with a super famous s/o
Hii ong thank u for the ask and sorry for responding late, i was busy :((
I hope itâs to your liking and your ask is awesome not weird dw I love it!

PRICE-
he definitely did not know you were famous when you both met.
Plans dates at home since itâs pretty much impossible for you both to go out
But when you do go out He is crazy protective of you and doesnât let anyone approach you.
He once told gaz to take care of you when you had to go to the airport for your tour since he wasnât around.
Proudly boasts about you to tf141.
Gets jealous when he sees younger actors and singers get close to you :(
Asked you to sign papers for the rest of tf141 esp soap.
Takes pictures of you when youâre at your concerts.
Heâs definitely the type who puts away your phone when your mood gets sad after looking at some hurtful comment.
Rents an empty restaurant to have a date with you.
He bought all of your albums.
GAZ-
Okay so heâs a total fanboy, he totally knew about you before you guys met.
He fell in love with you the minute he saw you up close
You both met through price when you needed someone to escort you to a stadium safely since there were high risks of you getting hurt
Asked you to sign his album the day you met.
Totally knows all the lyrics to all your songs
Tells everyone his girlfriend is THE BEST SINGER in the entire world
Biggest cheerleader in your concerts.
Defends you on the internet whenever anyone says shit about you.
when youâre in an interview or meeting a fan heâd make sure they donât make you uncomfortable.
Makes sure youâre safe whenever you guys go out.
Heâs a very proud boyfriend :)
SIMON-
Knew who you were when you guys met because of soap but didnât give a shit. :(
He had to be your bodyguard during your interview and whenever you went out.
Initially thought youâd be a brat but was proven wrong.
Slowly fell for you as he noticed youâre a very warm and genuine person
Is very protective of you
He takes his role of being a bodyguard very seriously and wonât let anyone near you
avoids paparazzi with his huge frame guarding you.
Asked you to sign 4 albums that soap had given him to make you sign.
Doesnât like other men flirting with you.
Whenever he sees a man flirting with you heâd come behind you to scare them off. :3
Hates it when your back-dancers get too touchy with you.
He is very cautious with you and is lowkey hyper vigilant.
Would never let anything happen to you.
SOAP-
Okay just like gaz heâs a totallll fanboy
He used to have posters of you in his room
Had many pre existing fan pages of you and even blogs where he would post his thoughts on your songs.
Knows all of your tracks and has his own interpretations on your songs.
Will come with you to the backstage and give you a kiss before you go.
Is the type who will fight strangers on the internet if they dare say anything wrong about you.
Would have an Instagram dedicated to you and post your pics together
Will show you off whenever he gets a chance.
Would have candlelit dates with you at an empty park so you nobody can find you.
I s the type who gets jealous of other fanboys.
Takes you out to amusement park dates while you both wear ridiculous disguises. :D
KĂNIG-
This Hulk of a man is so bbg, he loves your songs and sings to them when heâs showering.
He loves hearing you sing for him
Had been a fan of yours since you had started out with your musical journey.
Doesnât let any fanboy get near you
Gets insecure when he sees you with all your celebrity friends :(
Thinks heâs inadequate for you :((
Definitely walks behind you to scare everyone away.
Will not let any fan even get a picture with you.
Is your make believe bodyguard
He is surprised by why you chose him but he wonât want it any other way.
GRAVES-
Okay this man is so cocky when it comes to you
Definitely boasts about you to the shadow company
Takes you out to expensive restaurants and places just so others can see him with you
Purposely goes through the paparazzi with you so everyone knows youâre his.
Takes you with him to the shadow company just to show you off.
Has allotted men from the company to guard you.
Because of him you have an army of bodyguardâs surrounding you.
Comes with you backstage to see your perform.
Clicks candid pictures of you whenever youâre performing.
Makes you his profile picture everywhere.
#cod mw2#tf 141 x reader#tf141#simon riley#ghost mw2#john price#john price x reader#cod mwii#simon x reader#cod#soap mw2#simon ghost smut#ghost simon riley#cod simon#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#simon riley call of duty#call of duty#kĂśnig#kĂśnig x reader#kĂśnig mw2#kĂśnig x you#kĂśnig cod#soap x reader#phillip graves#kyle gaz smut#kyle gaz x reader#john price smut#kĂśnig call of duty#cod simon riley
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Love and Deepspace : Is Caleb Evil?
My brain is a mess. I just want to make it clear that everything I say here is my opinion and things I want/wish from the game along with theories and evidence based on previous knowledge of lore and personalities. I also want to add that I hope that the people reading this are going to have prior knowledge of the game, basic lore as well as what happens to caleb. So, spoilers for all of that.
This is just me barfing onto the internet because the trailer and Caleb is all I have been able to focus on for the past few days.

So, I have loved caleb ever since I played the main story nearly a year ago and I really really hoped that he would come back as a love interest and here we are! So, when we first meet Caleb, you know, he comes off as the "protective, trustworthy, older friend to lover" archetype. We have known caleb, as the MC, since we were kids. And clearly, as is in every childhood romance, I assume Caleb has always liked us. He seems very protective over us in the main story too he almost seems scared, like the way he says, "Who's going to protect you if not me?"
Caleb's trailer had me shook, and I mean that. To be quite honest, I did not like it at first. I was so overwhelmed I didn't even know how to process it. I made a whole blog post on his character trailer, please check that out to read further or later on:
Now, the second trailer, for the main story and new patch that is: has him behaving very... Yandere? Idk how to describe it. It's very strange (in a good way) but I think that's how it's meant to be, Caleb IS possessive, and I think even more so than Xavier.
But my point being: do I think Caleb will be evil? No, I don't. I don't think any of the love interests will ever be inherently evil, this is just my take of course. The devs seem to handle relationships in this game with maturity to have a love interest that's absolutely batshit crazy. No main character in this game has come across to me as black and white, they are all morally grey and that's so amazing. Also, they wouldn't introduce Caleb as the protective type to only make him something entirely different.
I think like all the other LIs, Caleb will have his own fatal flaw.
He was a sweet boy, the boy we grew up with and he had dreams of being a pilot and that was a dream he fulfilled but... I'm sure that when Ever found out that this is the path he has chosen in life, he was recruited into the Farspace Fleet to spy on the MC. And that is the moral conundrum here, he is stuck between having to choose. Of course, he wants the MC, he always has but he likely knows the dangers of being basically forced to work for Ever and what will happen if he chooses to quit, not only to himself but also to the MC, a risk that he doesn't wish to take. Ever is is really fucking powerful after all, they could kill him if he isn't useful enough. He's stuck here now, it's like how idealism shatters when you realise how corrupt the system really is.
He's extremely soft in the trailer too and my heart goes out to him really, he seems like he's always suffering or in pain, it's like he's reaching for the MC but he never can because of what he needs to do for Ever.
This isn't here for any reason in particular apart from how fucking soft he looks? His eyes... Omg, just look at how he yearns for her. Also, he seems to have thing for holding her wrist?
Caleb seems like he doesn't want to do this, he says in the trailer, "this nightmare will be over soon," and "I'll make things right" so it's cleary something that takes an emotional toll on him.
Now, I don't think if he will be evil but I certainly think that he's been portrayed as that because he's quite literally working for this world's umbrella corporation and I believe, his whole mean demeanour is a farce, because, well double agent and also the mind control theory I presented earlier. If Caleb is a villain in the Astarion sense, nature vs. nurture. Like how, astarion isn't really a villain, he can be MADE a villain like every other person because of things they have been through, I think Caleb has had to grow some thick skin to deal with shit he's been put through and that makes him come off as mean especially since his conundrum seems to be knowing that he can destroy MC and yet he still wants her, because he loves her. Ugh, my brain is spiraling.
I don't think it'll be a toxic in the slightest. I think yes, he is gonna be very possessive but not so much so that he conflicts MC's personality and nature, also the nature of the game itself. With a game like this, it's difficult to have a LI that's completely evil and black and white because, all their characters are very fleshed out and I don't know why they wouldn't make Caleb so. Caleb's battle also seems to be that he thinks he's decieving MC, that he isn't who she thinks he is and that difficult for him to cope with, like he's been lying to her all their lives and that hurts. He almost sounds angry at the MC in the trailer.
He seems as though he's trying to de-establish (idk if that's a word) the relationship he had with the MC in the past as a brotherly figure and instead establish one where she sees him romantically. Or, he's mad at himself but that is rubbing onto the MC for thinking he's a nice guy, reliable and always expecting him to be the best when he isn't. It's almost as if he's crumbling under the pressure of having to be the best for HER and for her seeing the best in him. I see a guy with deeply ingrained psychological issues, he seems to have a very low opinion of himself and thinks that MC's perception of him is based on a lie.
Not to mention that their reunion is gonna be extremely emotional and likely even explosive on the MC's part because, what the fuck? He just up and left, made us think we're dead and now he's... Well... Just different. There's the whole bite mark on his hand too so I assume the MC got into a huge cat fight with him but he calmed her down?
Either way, no matter what happens; I hope that they'll do his character justice and not ruin him, even if he is made a villain. I have trust enough in the devs to handle their characters with maturity and I can only hope the same with Caleb.
#caleb l&ds#caleb#caleb love and deepspace#caleb lads#caleb lnds#love and deepspace#lnds#l&ds#lads#love and deepspace theory#caleb theory love and deepspace#caleb theory#character predictions#love and deepspace lore#lads caleb#lnds caleb#l&ds caleb#love and deepspace caleb
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I hope this doesn't come off weird but I really appreciate how you really try to tread carefully and acknowledge nuance in discourse posting, especially on a platform that is pretty much designed to devolve into arguments (not that that's unique to Tumblr, tbh that's pretty much standard in most modern internet spaces). I think everyone needs to remember that it's okay to disagree and you should in fact let someone express an opinion you don't agree with, and listen to them. Most queer discourse is a bunch of ppl who basically agree, trying to work out details. It's messy and difficult, but it's necessary. You (general you) can let someone have slightly different opinions and just acknowledge it and move on. Most ppl on this site aren't theorists or activist, we're all just ppl working out our shit.
Like yeah that's kind of it y'know? I'm so tired of that. I'm so tired of making every post as nuanced as goddamn possible. Like sometimes it's cathartic, and I do it when I have the time for it, but it was way more satisfying when I was still ultra baby trans. I still am a bit, but I'm slowly pulling out of it.
Like there's a component of "stop infighting go outside" to all this, but at the end of the day none of the stuff causing "drama" here is ever gonna affect who I stand in solidarity with or who I march with. I love my transmascs friends deeply.
This is my blog. It's not a feminist text. It's not an activist text. It's my blog. Fighting and arguing and shitposting and venting within a community online should not stop you from picking up a brick with them later. I want someplace to vent and hash out my thoughts and have at least a couple of people read it, just to figure things out and hash things out with myself.
I learn and figure things out by reasoning them out, so my weird rambles about gender and feminism are my own tepid little journaling as I step into this world.
But somewhere along the way those "couple people" turned into 16k people and that's not really a vibe that's possible at this scale. And honestly, a lot of my "defenders" are a huge part of it to. If I get into an online argument now, which I do as like... Straight up recreational time wasting, and have for long before I had a "big blog", I have to deal with knowing that there's a 5 digit number of people that I can't control who will now see someone they follow (me) disagreeing with someone else.
Hell, to get meta, I'm worried about this post itself being interpreted the wrong way. As I type this I'm thinking like, okay, are people going to blow this up and say that I'm getting "harassed"? Are people who disagree with my stances from like a week ago gonna say I have a victim complex? Are people who don't have a strong opinion gonna accuse me of infighting? How many pornbots are gonna pick up on this one?
But I'm literally just venting about the vibe shift around here, not saying anything is right or wrong, y'know?
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Hi yes Iâve been told to ask for The Thing :)
One The Thing coming up!
WELCOME TO RUMBELLE, YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD. I SEE YOU THERE, SO YOUNG, SO FRESH, SO WOOBIE. LET ME SLOWLY CLASP YOU TO MY BOSOM IN A MOTHERLY WAY.
NOW YOU STUMBLE AROUND, A LITTLE LOST RUMBELLE CHICK NEEDING LOVE AND GUIDANCE, TREMBLING WITH THE FORCE OF A THOUSAND BOTTLED-UP FEELS. NEVER FEAR, FOR WEâLL TAKE YOU IN, SINCE YOU HAVE BECOME
ONE OF US.
WE HAVE TEA, FOR YOUR SHATTERED FEELS. WE KNOW IT HURTS, WEâVE ALL BEEN THERE. MOST OF USE JUST DUMP A LOT OF VODKA INTO THAT TEA. ITâD BE EASIER TO JUST DUMP A TEA BAG INTO A BOTTLE OF SMIRNOFF, TO BE HONEST.
HERE, DEARIE, ARE SOME GIFS I BRING FORTH TO YOU SO YOU CAN BLOG ABOUT YOUR FEELS, AND HOW RUMBELLE RUINED YOUR LIFE AND YOU LOVE IT. TAKE THEM, DONâT BE SHY. YOU WILL NEED THEM, YOUNG PADAWAN. THEY WILL BECOME YOUR NEW LANGUAGE. BE WARNED, LITTLE ONE, FOR THEY ARE OF A SPOILERY NATURE THAT MIGHT HURT YOUR WEE EYES. THEYâRE ALSO AWESOME, SO YOU SHOULDNâT STARE AT THEM DIRECTLY.
LIKE AN ECLIPSE.
OR RUMPLEâS LEATHER PANTS.
AND SINCE THIS IS A PRETTY COMPLEX FANDOM I DIRECT YOU TO AÂ WELCOME PAGEÂ SO YOU CAN GATHER YOUR BEARINGS AND EXPLORE MORE OF THIS MAGICAL LAND OF CHIPPED CUPS AND SEXY SCALY MEN. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS THERE YOUâLL FIND ANSWERS. IF NOT YOU CAN ALWAYS SEEK THERUMBELLE TAG, AND POST QUESTIONS THERE. RUMBELLERS ARE ALWAYS THERE TO ANSWER.
ALWAYS. RUMBELLERS DONâT SLEEP.
IF YOU FEEL THE NEED FOR SOME LOVELY VISUAL REPRESENTATIONS OF THE UTTER PERFECTION THAT IS THIS SHIP I DIRECT YOU TO THEÂ RUMBELLE ART TAG, WHERE MANY TALENTED PEOPLE POST TALENTED THINGS THAT PRODUCE BOTH AWE AND ENVY.
AND LAST, AND THIS IS WHAT IâM KNOWN FORâŚ
WE.
HAVE.
PORN.
NO, NOT LIKE OTHER FANDOMS. NOT SOME PORN. NOT ANY PORN. WE HAVEALL THE PORN.
ALL OF IT.
EVERY KINK.
EVERY FANTASY.
EVERY POSITION.
FOOD SEX, PEGGING, BONDAGE, S&M (BUT THE REAL TYPE, NO INNER GODDESSES, ALL KINKY FUCKERY), CANE PORN, PRIEST PORN, CANNIBAL PORN, SHADOW!SEX, DADDY!DOM, DOM/SUB, BLOODPLAY, MIRROR-SEX, PREGNANCY KINKS, POWER-SEX, INTERSPECIES SEX, LACTATION PORN, DAGGER!PORN, RAPTOR!PORN, MAGICAL SEX AND MANY MORE.
IT'S THE SORT OF FANDOM WHERE YOU CATCH KINKS LIKE CHICKEN POX.
I DIRECT YOU NOW TO MYÂ FANFIC REC LIST, WHERE YOU SHALL FIND MANY TREASURES. I ALSO GIVE YOU AÂ REC LIST OF REC LISTSÂ (A LIST-CEPTION, SO TO SPEAK). YOU CAN ALWAYS GO TO THEÂ RUMBELLE FICTAG IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED MORE RUMBELLEÂ PORNÂ FICS IN YOUR LIFE. AND YOU WILL. AND IF YOU WANNA HIT THE MOTHERLOAD OF RUMBELLE FANFICTION CHECK OUT THE RUMBELLE LIBRARY, RIPE WITH DECADENT FICS FOR YOUR PERUSAL.
IN THIS FANDOM WE LIKE TO CELEBRATE WITH FIC, COPE WITH FIC AND START MASSIVE FIC WARS SO THERE ARE SEVERAL YEAR-ROUND EVENTS DESTINED TO BRING FORTH MORE RUMBELLE SEXYTIMES  MOMENTS: THE RUMBELLE SECRET SANTA (ORGANIZED THREE YEARS IN A ROW AND TOTALLING AROUND 350 FICS), FLOOFAPALOOZA (FOR WHEN YOU NEED TO GO âAWWWâ DESPERATELY), 50 FIRST HAMBURGER DATES (YES, WE GOT IT BAD), THERUMBELLE CHRISTMAS IN JULY (FOR THOSE LONG HIATUS MONTHS), THEMANTIS DAY MENAGERIE(BECAUSE OUR SMUT NEEDS MORE CREATURES IN IT), THE GREAT RUMBELLE BLOWOFF AND THE RUMBELLE SHOWDOWN. IT ALL CULMINATES WITH THE T.E.A. AWARDS, WHERE WE MOSTLY CONGRATULATE THE WRITERS ON ALL THE SEX, FLUFF AND TEARS (GREAT PLACE FOR NEWBIES TO ALSO SEEK FIC RECS!).
MIND THE SPOILERS, DEARIE.
BUT IF YOUâRE ALL CAUGHT UP YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECKÂ THISÂ TUMBLR WHICH WILL HOLD PRECIOUS TREASURES SO YOU CAN SURVIVE THE SUMMER HIATUS WITH MOST OF YOUR SANITY INTACT.
WE AIM FOR REALISTIC GOALS HERE.
IF YOU HAVENâT YET DELETED YOUR TUMBLR ACCOUNT AND MOVED TO A COUNTRY WITHOUT INTERNET CONNECTION THEN CONGRATULATIONS, YOU INDEED HAVE THE MAKINGS OF A GREAT RUMBELLER. AND YOUâRE GONNA LOVE IT HERE.
NOW LET ME HOLD YOU GENTLY, SOFTLY, LOVINGLY.
Welcome to the fandom, dearie.
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