#interesting how like engie is a definite yes to you but not demo. demo has far more disgusting protestant vibes in my opinion

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

Something I find absolutely fascinating is are the mercs Christian or not? Scout, Soldier, Spy, and Engineer are all easy yes's in my experience but what would Sniper be? For this question I go to a professional

A professional without standards

I posted abt tf2 guy Catholicism like a week ago and I will quote what I said about Sniper:

"I could see Sniper having some Catholic heritage in him but I don’t think it’d be particularly dominant, he’s a vaguely spiritual white guy who thinks doing psychedelics and filling up his J.O. crystal constitute as a religion."

[rabbittf2x]

Hiya! Can you do mercs with an s/o who has a horse? Its a pretty silly request but okay xD

You dont have to do it if you dont want to! ❤️

Cute!💕

Mercs with a Reader that has a horse

Pyro💖

To Pyro, your horse would’ve looked like a big pink unicorn. He was completely starstruck with you, thinking you must’ve been a magical prince(ss) or something to own one

Pyro liked to go on rides with you and your horse! He’d be hugging you super tight from behind, laying his head on your shoulder while giggling. You made him one smitten kitten

Engineer💖

Not only did Engie love you, but your horse as well. You were a great little trio. I’d like to think he had some experience with horses too! Engie would definitely go horseback riding with you

Speaking of, expect plenty of dates doing just that! Whether it be both of you on your own horses, or sharing just yours, he was down. The Engineer found great happiness riding your horse, with you cuddled into him from behind

Spy💖

Spy wasn’t so sure on your horse at first. He didn’t wanna go anywhere near its stable, especially in his suit. But when he saw how happy you were with your horse, and how majestic you looked riding it, he toughened up

It took a lot of convincing for Spy to try riding with you. He preferred to observe you with your horse, rather than getting involved. So when he did accompany you on your rides, he held onto you for dear life

Heavy💖

Heavy didn’t go on rides with you, but he did love watching you on your horse. He thought you were so beautiful

Heavy was much more interested in you than your little horse, but he still liked it. Sometimes he gave it head pats, telling you how cute it was

“But you are still cuter.” Heavy would then add

Sniper💖

Sniper reckoned your horse was a beaut! It was so awesome to him that you owned one, and loved to watch you ride it

Sniper found it so fun when you took him on rides. He had one arm wrapped tight around you, and the other holding onto his hat

Sniper loved to rest his head against you as you rode off into the sunset, daydreaming about how awesome it’d be to headshot someone off the back of this thing

Scout💖

Wha? You had a freaking horse?? That was so cool!

Scout used riding your horse as an excuse to get close to you. He couldn’t complain when you told him to hold on tight. He was a blushing mess as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind

Scout thought you were so freaking awesome. He could ride your horse with you for hours and not get bored. Screw running. Horses were his thing now!

Soldier💖

Soldier found himself chilling with you and your horse more often than not. Whenever you went to the stable, he followed

You eventually taught Soldier how to ride your horse. It was so adorable how happy he was. He loved to ride with you hugging his back, yelling over the wind about how awesome this was. Soldier thought your horse would make a fine mercenary itself one day

Demoman💖

Yes, yes, yes! Demoman loved your horse! He wanted to go on rides with you all day. Just don’t let him go while drunk

Demoman would whip out his talking sword Eyelander, and come in on your horse for an awesome entrance. You never knew how he managed to bring it into the base

As much as you tried to avoid it, Demo was often on your horse with a big bottle scrumpy in his hand. The amount of times you had to chase after it with your drunken boyfriend on the back was insane

Medic💖

“No, Medic. You cannot have my horse’s organs!”

In all seriousness, Medic found you and your horse to be a cute pair. He just thought it exciting how big its insides were! He wanted to poke around in there so bad (psycho)

Medic enjoyed riding your horse with you. Y’all looked so majestic when you rode in together. His doves would be flying out from behind the horse while it galloped through Tuefort, everyone watching the spectacle in slow motion

[snowed-leopard]

I dont’t know if y’all are down for 1600 words of only slightly jargon filled and incredibly niche headcanons, but here we go?

The mercs go sailing! (And also boating / paddling in general. They deserve the options.)

(There’s a small glossary of terms, and reference photos of the boats I’m thinking about and mentioning at the end for your convenience. Please note I’m a pretty amateur sailor and I’ve prolly explained or typed something wrong) ((yes it got nerdy enough I felt a glossary was warranted, I’m sorry))

scout: Oh dear god this man is gonna be a mess until he gets it but when he does he goes ZOOMIN. put him in a sunfish or a racing boat, like a catamaran. first time he's on a steep heel he screams like a baby but when he realizes it means more speed he's totally down, hook him into that cat's trampoline straps and eat his sea spray, bitch. (He does not care that they are on a freshwater lake, it’s sea spray in his heart) he's a chronic capsizer in a sunfish though because he keeps overcorrecting when trying to catch all the wind he can. He is banned from the motorboats for reckless behavior and roughhousing enough to nearly send poor pyro and demo overboard. Gets sent up the mast on one of the bigger boats to fix a light on the top of the mast and nearly shits his pants despite being very assuredly safe.

heavy: he honestly would probably run the motor boats the most, but if there had been a chance for one of the really large sailing vessel (40-70ft) where he actually has room to move, he would be down. hes mostly just reading and fishing out beached or turtled mercs. occasionally drafted into helping scout unflip bc heavy actually weighs enough to leverage the daggerboard right, unlike scout, because he keeps filling his sail with water and making more effort to right the boat. He’d be a saint if he could work the 30 footers when they’re pulling the halyards to turn because he’d be able to pull those so well, is weary of the boom from his height

demo: he's chilling on a flat bottomed fishing boat napping and fishing for most of the day, but he periodically goes out in a canoe with sniper to catch some fish separate from the motor boat, and also mess around. his balance is just messed up enough that later in the day he can't really do any of the 20 foot boats and definitely not a sunfish, but if you catch him earlier in the day he'd probably manage a nice trip in a 20 footer. He gets a little rowdy on the big 30 foot and tries to swing around on the side stays while horsing around with scout and as the boat jerks, he totally falls. it was inevitable one of the men would do he just ended up the unlucky bastard to be the center of the man overboard drill

Engie: splits his time fishing on the motorboat and messing around with all the boats, he does a little of everything, he most of all likes the 20-30 footers because he can calculate out all the rope tensions and physical at play in the down moments between turns without having to worry too much. He does enjoy the quiet of being alone in the sunfish tho, the rest of the boys joke he just likes it because they’re the same size as him (small).

 thinks about how much speed he’d need to run them over with in said sunfish to make them quit. Barely refrains. He is incredibly interested in tinkering with the motors on all of the sailboats and motorboats to see how he could improve their efficiency. Refrains on basis of not wanting to kill them and wreck the boat

sniper: snipes is mostly kayaking around away from everyone's chaos to do some fishing and birdwatching, probably hops on the 20 footer with demo for chill times, hates the sunfish because he kept getting hit by the boom because he was too tall to bend under it when turning and couldn’t rig it higher up and medic got tired of coming back in and taking care of the head wounds. He is having a grand time when scout’s not harassing him in the sunfish. But he does get very accurate at using his paddle to splash scout. Comes in with the biggest haul of fish, crabs, prawns, and inexplicably, 3 turtles, a duck, and a righteously confused snapping turtle for everyone to grill up at the end of the day.

pyro: on the catamaran with scout zipping around. heard the boat had a trampoline, was sorely disappointed, but is bouncing on it anyways. does not like the sunfish because swimming in their suit isn't fun when they don’t anticipate it and they kept tipping before they got the hang of it. bizarrely good at tying the knots for the lines though, no one knows how they manage this though their gloves. got heavy to drive the motor boat really fast while they sit on the front and despite how rough it is (you slam up and down a little when you go really quick) they are hooting and hollering and having the time of their life. Nearly lost the sunhat they brought along and cried. Sniper has to dive down in the lake to retrieve it for them.

spy: this man absolutely used to competitively race, he yearns for his old racing boat back in france, gets over it by trying to teach the others the noble art of it, scout is the only one who tries and races and they get along oddly well once they get past scouts incessant ability to turtle sunfish. he's also on the 20 footer a lot because it reminds him of his old boat (he brings it up at every opportunity, very insufferable about it) he can absolutely do all of the fancy knot tricks that are a bitch and a half to master. Will rant about boat maintenance and design. Very Opinionated about what makes some boats ugly or beautiful. One of the only times he gets down and dirty is to maintain or repair the boats and their motors. He surprises engineer majorly with his knowledge.

medic: mostly likes the big 30 footer but does not mind going on the kayaks once or twice. gets a little wild with the helm (steering) commands, gets very dramatic with it. most likely to get sea sick to me, he also manages to scamper around rigging with far more grace than you would think. He is utterly enamoured with the various ways these boats can and have injured people though. He finds the interiors of the larger ones quite cozy and likes the design. The birds love following him around as he sails and stretching their wings, nestle back on him when they get tired. It gives him a fucked up pirate vibe with the chilling grin and bloody dove from sitting on snipers head on his shoulder.

soldier: oh goodness, have you ever wanted more naval trivia? because this man has all of it, correct and not. used overhand knots as stopper knots on the sails (derogatory) and gave spy a conniption because of it. he's lookout on the bigger boats because he wanted to "command the largest of their naval fleet" he has an impressive ability to know the wind and gauge its changes and how to keep the right point of sail (how your sails are set up) he's very "old eccentric sailing guy" to me. He is a beast at charting and piloting (positive) and can do dead reckoning math (slightly complex little bit of locational determination based on what’s around you at what angle and speed) with surprising ease. Excellent at doing knots, uses them wrong. (He’s doing that part intentionally to give spy grief. Whoever said solly couldn’t have a little fun?)

sunfish, little 1-2 people boat, about 14 feet long, very nimble, but flip (and luckily unflip) easily. Need lower wind speeds because itty bitty (not my personal fave to sail, but incredibly popular still, they’re not bad I just prefer larger less flippy boats)

catamaran: two hulled boat, used a lot for racing, has a web like a trampoline stretched between them, with straps sewn on so you can slide your feet under to not fall, or clip yourself right onto one of the side stays. 1-3 people ish (incredibly fun to sail, seem like they’re slow until they grab the wind right then you’re gone. I know a dude with a hilarious custom sail for his)

20 footer: general term im using for all the medium sized 2-6 person sailboats of abt this length (this specifically I’m showing here is a Chrysler buccaneer 18! IRL I’m working to repair one currently)

30 footer: like above, but these are up to maybe 8 or more people, minimum of 4 ish though for the sake of control in my very non expert opinion (what I’m specifically showing here is a tartan 30, which I also routinely sail! Ours is a piece of shit with a busted internal motor so we bolted a comparatively tiny one to the back. and I lover her anyways, we call her water rat even though that is most definitely not her name)

heel: when you’re boats at an angle in the water relative to the water, how flat or angled you are, having this is good! It means you’re catching a lot of wind and less boat in the water means less drag (you can see it in the catamaran pic)


daggerboard: a removable board in small boats like sunfish, (exists in other forms in larger boats) that points straight down and keeps the boat moving in a straight line, it pokes out the bottom and when you flip you pull down on this with all your (and your partner’s if you have one) weight to right your boat again. Do it fast or your sail will fill with water like a scoop and make it harder.


sidestay: mostly on 20 ish and up size boats, part of the system of metal cables that put tension on your mast to keep it pointed up straight, one of the things u can hold on (never hold onto rope) on a boat for stability part from handles and safety lines


boom: the metal pole running parallel to the deck of the boat at the bottom of the main sail, it's called a boom because when you turn, and it swings to the other side of the boat with the sail, and if your head is in the way well… it sounds like boom. Gives concussions even on sunfish, the power of metal tuning, and speed.


halyards: the lines you pull on the big boats when turning, have enough tension that they need winches to tighten and take in often times

[strumham]

Rye's Baffling™ TF2 yapping thread

You ever like a game so much you just want to yap about it constantly?

The Respawn Cabinet is missing the medium ammo pack

Go boot up an empty map and use the respawn cabinet. You might noticed every type of health kits and ammo pack is present except for the medium ammo kit. Why is this a thing? I have no idea. Someone already made a video about this weird detail. Check it out:

Avoiding drowning by standing next to a dispenser

Everyone knows that you can build engi's buildings in underwater. That's why sometimes you often running into sentries in 2fort's sewer water. But something that most people dodnt talk about was that dispenser's healing rate can negate the damage you've taken by staying underwater for too long. The underwater dispenser can be seen on Soundsmith's Snorkel Snipers at 11:55:

Bleed jump

I think most players already knew about this one so I'm going to make this brief. By equipping the boston basher, if you time your melee swings with your jump, you can gain an increase in jump height. Its like the caveman's version of the atomizer.

The Disciplinary Action (why yes random tumblr user, we already know about this one)

The Disciplinary Action has the longest melee range, allowing soldier to hit enemies behind him. That's all.

Niche and Well Known Uses For The Disguise Kit

Spy is a unique class. He's a pick class meant for getting important targets like medic, snipers and other generalists. He can only achive this by poking the enemy's back with his butterfly knife. Thanks to his uniqueness, Spy is often considered the weakest class in tf2 (That doesn't stop me from having 100 hours in the class). The amount of techs to his disguising aspect is not much but definitely interesting.

Disguising as Teammates- If you press R or - while holding the disguise kit, it will change to disguise your teammate. Everyone knew about this one already.

Fake reloading- By turning off auto reloading and having one less ammo in your revolver (and disguise as your enemy obviously) you can mimic their reload animation. This will work with automatic weapons like flamethrowers and miniguns which may result in a funky reload. Otherwise, it's a great tool to keep up the facade just a tad longer.

Auto Disguise: If you press B, you can disguise as the last class you've disguised. That's all.

Changing weapons: If you pull out your primary, secondary or melee weapon and press B while disguised, the disguise's weapon will change. Pretty cool I guess.

Demo Balling

In the September 2007 beta and the day one version of Tf2, Demo's Grenade Launcher has 6 grenades instead of 4 and his Stickybomb Launcher has 40 reserve stickies instead of 24. He's also incapable of dealing self damage when firing pipes to enemies in point blank range. Amusingly, rollers can still deal 100 damage to enemies in the 2007 beta. This might explain why Demo's pipes works differently in Meet The Demoman with various examples that shown to be impossible to recreated in day one and future versions of Tf2.

This unique detail have been talked about by Shounic in the video below 👇 (2:39 for the pipes roller btw)

Unfortunately, this nerf has an unintended side effect. Due to the Grenade Launcher has 6 holes, Demo only refills 4 of the 6 holes. The alcohol was too much. we need to put him down

Unused Spy's Thanks Voice Command (Not unused just patch out)

Before the January 11 2012 patch, Spy has a unique thanks voice command that were used in day one and subsequent versions of TF2 before being patched out. The voice line in question is just Spy saying the italian word prego (it means you're welcome in english).

Mach 2 Soldier

How this works is that you need the Concheror and The Escape Plan. After you equip them, make sure to follow these steps:

1. Fill up the RAGE meter

2. Intentionally take self damage by rocket jumping or shooting at the floor/wall until you're at low health (under 50 health)

3. Activate the Rage

4. Immediately switch to the Escape Plan

The Conch's rage and The Escape Plan's speed boost will stacked, allowing you to be the second fastest character in the entire game, beaten by a full boost bfb (baby's face blaster) scout.

How To Spot Disguised Spies (me no like french man)

Spies will usually try to deceive you and your teammates as your allies. I've already talked about some of spy's disguising technique so its fair to talk about the many ways to spot a spy.

Move Speed- If Spy disguised as a Demoman, his move speed (107%) will changed to Demo's (98%). This is consistent to every class except for Scout and Spy. Disguising as a Scout will not increase Spy's move speed and instead use his base speed. This makes it easy for the enemy team to spot you and its generally considered to be the worst disguise. For the spy disguise, its much more subtle. Every time you disguise to a spy, the game will have your wore a disguise mask. The disguise mask is random every time and it will often lead to inconsistencies. From the enemies point of view, their spy is disguising as a pyro yet he retains his move speed. Once you know this, it makes spy checking a little bit easier.

Collision Detection- You can walk through a teammate. You can't walk through an enemy. This applies to disguised Spies as well. But just to make sure, light him in fire or shoot him.

Spies pressing w- Spies often get tunnel vision really easily by their targets to the point where they just run towards the enemies' backs without a care in the world. mfs playing on 60 fov.

Facial Expressions- Usually, tf2 characters will make a specific face animations when doing an action or saying a voiceline. For some reason, disguised spies would sometimes lack in face animation besides staring at you ominiously.

I have an video example for this (5:51 for the clip):

here's another example at 6:12:

----------------------------------------------------------

tf2 has built in wallhacks (part 2)- If you point your crosshair at an invisible spy and press x->2, it will play the 'spy is not our spy' (and it's many variations) voiceline. This is not to be confused with the outlines of your teammates that's briefly shown when you spawn. Again, here's the video showcasing it (3:17 for the clip):

Soldier's Super Secret Stash Of Reserve Rockets

If you thought Demo having 30 reserve pipes and 40 reserve stickies were overkill, then you're correct. The closest person to ever stand toe to toe with Demo's absurd reserve ammo was Soldier. Soldier has 36 reserve rockets in the 2007 version instead of 20 reserve rockets he has today. You might be asking, why does soldier and demo have so much reserve ammo back then? The reason for this was because you can only get ammo from a specific weapon instead of the universal ammo box.

This thread is a big mess . I will probably update this if I find more interesting to talk about.

Thanks for reading this terrible thread.

[mistertf2xreaderfluffballcake]

When they see their crush walk past them. (I know this is so simple but look, my back really hurt I need to sleep. This will be short)

Scout

Will immediately stop what he was doing and talk to you. His new mission: make you smile or laugh. Even if it means shouting from soldier to get back to work he does not care. MAGGOT! GET BACK TO WORK! Oh shut up soldier I am having an awesome conversation with s/o right now >:( lol

If you seem busy he will wave at you and smile. Or even say cheesy pick-up line real quick. If you blush at it. (THAT WAS SO FRICKING CUTE...my face feels hot again...)

Soldier

Will greet you. HELLO CUPCAKE! Oh! Hi, soldier! How are you doing? *conversation continues from there*

If you are busy, then he will compliment your hard work. GOOD JOB S/O! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE MORE CHORE LEFT! Oh! Thank you soldier *smile* That is the ultimate bang in his heart.

Pyro

Oh! Hi s/o! (that is what pyro is saying but obviously is will my muffles for s/o point of view) He will give you candy for your hard work. :)) Oh thank you for the candy pyro! 🍬

If you are busy pyro will wave at you happily or maybe a quick head pat for you. :)))) pat pat Oh thank you pyro! :))

Engineer

(Oh no! Look it's s/o hope I don't mess this up!!!) He is definitely a bit nervous and thinks of something to say. He will make a perfect, short, interesting conversation with you. After that, he is definitely blushing a bit. (Did I mess it up? No no. I am fine, did I stutter, did I look okay??? Ugh! Why is s/o doing this to my heart! They are so cute!!)

If you are busy he will quickly give a howdy to you. Howdy s/o! Oh hi engi! (If you smile he will 100% melt)

Heavy

Will help you. If you are carrying something, Heavy will help s/o. Oh! Hi heavy! You really don't need to tho. No. Heavy wants to help

If you are busy. He will nod or give eye contact with you and softly smile. If you smile back his heart feels weird...(Heavy`s heart feels weird. Heavy should ignore it...heavy needs to focus on work, not s/o....s/o is nice...)

Demoman

Will make a conversation with you! Hi s/o! oh hi, demo! He will definitely give compliments. S/o your new hairstyle looks awesome:)) Oh um thanks demo!...(omg he noticed) (My god...s/o looks so....lovely, is this normal for me to feel like this? My heart is beating so fast...)

If you are busy he will give you a pat on the head or shoulder. Nice job s/o! After you are done, wanna drink with me? Oh yes, please. Thank you demo. My treat :))

Sniper

ALERT ALERT s/o is aproching! (lol) (Oh um...do I look fine, dang it! my hair probably looks like a bird's nest. Do I smell like blood. I just went hunting yesterday and forgot to wash my clothes...you know what screw it) Hi s/o! Oh hi, sniper! The weather is nice, isn't it? :)) Y-yeah is it. He is a dork.

If you are busy he will nod or tip his hat. If you smile oof snipers heart will melt.

Medic

Will treat any injury you got. Do you have a papercut? He will drag you out and treat it. (he will take an unnecessary amount of time when treating it. ) Oh sorry s/o! I ran out of bandaids! Hey scout will you get some for us? :)) Wait what? why don`t you do it (←scout), I said get it RIGHT now scout. *scout runs off to get bandaids* Now that he is gone is there something that has been happening recently s/o? :)

If you are busy he will remind you to not work too hard. S/o! When you finish that drink some water okay? ok, ok medic, I got it.

Spy

When he sees you he will just greet you. Bonjour s/o. You look lovely as always :) (I am so sorry if this french part is wrong :(( ) He will not start a conversation with you tho, especially not in front of others. He becomes a lovesick fool in front of you and nobody is allowed to witness that. He will talk to you in private, such as in the smoking room.

If you are busy it is just small but strong eye contact. Just a glance tho. He will also observe you, is your leg soaring from walking so much? He has prepared a nice pillow/treatment for you. If your throat dries due to talking so much, he has the best tea and medicine for you. :))

I had so much writing this :))) I am starting to like writing more. I used to kinda avoid it...worried that it sucks and weird. But...it is actually pretty fun :)) Thank you so much for the support (/*'▽')/🧁Cupcakes for everybody! Soldier made them!

[astral-glass]

Which Mercs does the Seeker like? How's she feel about being on base? Ooh, or, if you could think of a fun cosmetic for her (or apply one that already exists) what would it be?

Time for an update on the RED team!

SCOUT: 

Relationship Status: BEST BROS!

Seeker and Scout are a loud, chaotic, trouble-making duo! They have a lot in common, including their rambunctious personalities! Once Scout got over trying to flirt with her day one (as he does for every woman he meets), these two quickly became best friends. The friendship became very sibling-like over time. And--like siblings--they get into meaningless tussles, competitions, and mischief 24/7. Seeker is one of the few mercs that will stick around when Scout shares his interests (she’s starting to like some of his comics)

SOLDIER:

Relationship Status: Good friends!

Seeker and Soldier are good ol’ teammates, doing what they can to play their part! There’s nothing too special to their relationship, but they do get along. At first there was tension between them (mainly soldier’s brash attitude), but that soon went away as they got used to one another! They both throw insults at each other without a second thought, but it’s obvious that soldier cares for his teammates (even the pink alien girl ones). His token nickname for her is ‘Angel’. He’s also convinced that she’s an American alien.

PYRO:

Relationship Status: Good friends!

As soon as Pyro met Seeker, they were hooked! A fluffy pink winged woman? That’s all kinds of fun! Pyro is much like a little child, playing with Seeker’s feathers, braiding her hair, and drawing pictures of her on fire. Seeker was wary of Pyro, but eventually became accustomed to their unique personality! Pyro loves to be around Seeker, she’s fun and pretty! And gives pyro head pats! There’s a special spot in Avi’s heart for the lil bugger.

DEMOMAN:

Relationship Status: BEST FRIENDS!

Demo and Seeks are super close! He’s some of her favorite company, and they get along splendidly! They often get lost in conversations about knights and swords and all the crazy experiences they’ve had with magic. They love to nerd out together, and Seeker loves Demo’s stories of cryptids and beasts on earth (and vice versa with seeker’s stories of home). When they’re not yabbering about fantasy, Seeker finds demo to be down-to-earth and overall a supportive, happy person! They clicked almost instantly. 

HEAVY:

Relationship Status: Dad friend?  

Seeks and Heavy have an interesting relationship. When they first met, Heavy thought tiny bird was obnoxious and loud, and kept his distance from her off the field. Seeker, having no interest in him, did the same. Over time, they began to have small conversations. Pretty soon, Seeker understood that Heavy was quite intelligent (more than her anyway). She has more respect for him than anyone on the team. Heavy always acts as quiet, sturdy support and often takes a...fatherly? sort of approach to her. Perhaps it’s Heavy’s protective nature, perhaps it’s that her strong, free nature reminds him of his sisters. Either way, bird is credit to team!

ENGINEER:

Relationship Status: Good friends!

Engineer and Seeker don’t have much in common, but they get along! Because of their vastly different interests and intellects, most of their friendship comes from being teammates. As time went on, Seeker recognized Engie as the voice of reason and noticed his moments of warmth. Engie, likewise, saw when Seeker became less chaotic and more sentimental. They tend to chat most in the mornings and have mutual respect for each other. Engie can get dad-like sometimes...but that’s just Engie. She also loves his cooking!

MEDIC:

Relationship Status: WEIRD BIRD UNCLE??? 

Seeker and Medic definitely get along! In fact, Medic was the first mercenary to show her ‘kindness’ (which she later discovered was a masked desire to steal her alien organs). While he’s kooky, and surely terrifies her, they have shared interests! They’re both huge bird nerds and often have conversations while tending to the doves. While his intentions are a bit hard to place at times, Medic cares for the team, including Avi. Not exactly a father figure, but a figure of comfort in some ways! Plus, he does a lot for them and she knows that.

SNIPER:

Relationship Status: Best of friends in the whole wide world ( a second half, if you will)

Seeker and Sniper’s relationship had a bumpy start. When they first met, they got off on the wrong foot and continued down a tense path. Sniper found Seeker to be obnoxious, frustrating, and overall a pain in his ass. Seeker, likewise, saw Sniper as a sour, bitchy, and disgusting asshole. This ‘rivalry’ of sorts went on for a while. Eventually, the two were forced to work together in many duty-related cases, and found themselves having decent conversations. These neutral talks soon became friendly, once the stubborn barrier of both parties was breached. The two realized that they had a LOT in common! Both loved the outdoors, were nerds, had interests in the supernatural, and wanted nothing more than to travel and be free (and both are archers...of course). Their mild friendship became a grand partnership. Sniper and Seeker became peas in a pod. You can find the two together quite often. Yes it’s enemies to lovers bite me

SPY:

Relationship Status: Associates.

Spy and Seeker do...not click. Seeker is everything Spy wants to avoid; flashy, obnoxious, uncultured, and not the brightest. Seeker finds Spy to just be a walking snark dispenser that she doesn’t trust. Yet, they both respect each other’s work on the field. Seeker has found that bugging Spy is quite fun, and Spy has found that his stupid son has a weird alien double that he has to deal with. Still, there seems to be the slightest bit of caring in there, deep down, for when it’s dramatic. Does Spy care for his teammates? Debatable. Does Seeker care for him? Yea, a lil.

OVERALL RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Family :)

[gegging]

A Team Like This

Summary: After Miss Pauling has a particularly bad night, and mostly because of them, the team decides to do something nice for her.

Word Count: 2,957

“Hey, hey! Miss Pauling! Miss Pau-”

“Oh, God. Not now Scout, please.” Miss Pauling sighed, hoping everything would be quiet in the base around this time. Well, honestly, what was she expecting! All she needed to see was Scout as energetic as ever to know that no one would be settled down.

“Uh, but, I was wondering if you wanted to join me an’ the pals for a couple of drinks!” He stammered slightly at first, gesturing to a room where particularly a lot of noise was coming from.

“No.” She answered bluntly, trying to pry off her heels and shutting the front door. If there was ever a time for Scout to be… well, Scout, this wasn’t it.

“Awe, why not? You work too hard, y’know! All ya need to do is unwind a little, it’ll be fun!” He persisted, still in her face, and still pushing her buttons. One of these days…

“For the last time, all I want to do is get some sleE-” Her voice raised in surprise, when she was cut off by Scout who, she really trusted would’ve listened to her this time, grabbed her hand and started dragging her off to the room of loud cheering and laughing.

“Sorry, you can’t be a loner this time, I jus’ won’t allow it!” Scout declared, not easing the grip on her hand. If Miss Pauling didn’t know any better she’d say he was drunk. That was sarcasm. Of course he was. She rolled her eyes in response to this. 

She was soon greeted with a combination of slightly drunk to super drunk mercenaries. Demo and Heavy were arm wrestling, though it looked like Heavy wasn’t even trying just to let Demo feel victorious in his state, even though it would most likely be forgotten in the morning. Sniper seemed to be refereeing the contest, if refereeing meant quietly focusing on it as if it was the most triumphant thing ever.

“Good God, never thought I’d see the day.” He muttered.

In another corner of the bottle littered room, Medic and Pyro seemed to be having an interesting conversation, with Medic nodding and responding to the muffled sounds that were in fact Pyro. Archimedes was also somewhat included in the conversation by Medic.

Engie was nowhere to be found, and Miss Pauling didn’t blame him. She’d do anything to be alone right now, preferably downing some wine while in bed.

And, finally, Spy, usually not one to celebrate with the “nincompoops”, sat in the corner in his own chair, smoking and enjoying what Miss Pauling could only assume was some fancy liquor. Someone who was probably the only sane one in the room.

To a point.

“See, doesn’t this look like a buncha’ fun already?” Scout smiled, as Miss Pauling dug her bare heels into the ground as an attempt to stop him. “I already told you, Scout! No!” She exasperated, using hand gestures.

Scout was about to argue again, before Soldier beat him to it. Someone Miss Pauling failed to already notice in the room. And, he was… naked.

She stiffened as Doe gave her a more than strong pat on the back, guffawing. “Miss Pauling, ma’am, thank God you got here when you could! We men are dangerously low on beer, and it would be an honor if you could go into town, and buy some more.” He kept a hand on her shoulder, as if he was giving her the opportunity to do the a truly heroic thing.

Her face seemed to form a sour, tight-lipped expression in response.

“Hey, now, I was jus’ talkin’ to her! You always think you can always try to barge into the conversation, an’-”

It soon diluted into a heated argument between both Soldier and Scout, and right in Pauling’s ears no less. Her patience could only wear down so thin.

Right when she thought the arguing mercs would be the lowest point of her night, aside from what had already happened earlier in her evening, the so called “arm-wrestling” contest managed to catch up with her.

“No way!” Heavy yelled, “I lost that match for sure, again. You just too strong!” He lied, trying not to smirk. But, Demo was having none of it.

“H-how could I?! You’re the Heavy Weapon’s Guy, for Christ sake! You.. you’re known as Heavy! You’re Russian! How could I win against a Heavy Weapon’s Guy from Russia!” He argued in-between sloppy sips of beer. 

“Why don’t we let Miss Pauling be judge of next match!” He gestured toward the woman, naive to her already pained expression. “She will tell you, that you are winner!”

Sniper rubbed his chin, “It’s true, I just can’t call it for myself.” He pondered.

The three started adding to the already loud voices of Scout and Soldier, coaxing her into helping them out and still arguing about the matter at the same time.

Her expression seemed to sour even more, and it would’ve been apparent if anyone was actually paying attention instead of babbling like children.

Archimedes flying over to see what the fuss was about, and promptly landing on Miss Pauling’s hair, while a frantic medic chased after the bird in an attempt to get him back, all while adding to the fuss, was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut the f*#% up!” She shrieked, balling her fists up and shutting her eyes.

Everyone immediately stopped whatever they were doing, and whatever sound they were making; save for Pyro, who wasn’t paying attention.  Even spy, still sitting away from the group, stopped mid-smoke.

Her face was red and hair disheveled to the point of her looking like a madwoman. Taking a deep breath, she managed to sound calm, except for having a shaky tone of anger on some words, “I have had a very bad night. I am not getting you more beer, or judging your stupid contest, or “drinking” with you.” She looked at Scout on that last part. “I am tired, and going to bed.”

With that, she turned on her heel and marched out of the room and to her own. Usually, she didn’t find herself staying at her room at the base, but she was far too exhausted. If she had to drive another second she would go insane.

The room she left behind was silent and frightened, to say the least.

“Well, that was awkward.” Medic broke the silence.

“Jeez, was it somethin’ I said?” Scout asked, and everyone else started murmuring silently, wondering what the Hell just happened. No one had ever seen Miss Pauling that angry, not until now. A few men in the room would’ve admitted feeling slightly threatened.

“It was something you all said, you imbeciles.” Spy spoke up from his chair, “Especially you Scout, you brought her into the mess, after all.”

“Wha? Me? I was trying to give an opportunity to let loose! I thought she would have fun!”

“It seemed obvious enough, she didn’t.” He took a long drag of the cigarette, before snuffing it out, and standing up.

“You all don’t appreciate what Miss Pauling does for us. Out there every day, risking her life for our sakes, covering up our mistakes. And, what thanks do we give her? None. Nothing other than the ramblings and favors that come from you all. Des morceaux incompatibles de merde.” The last part was muttered, despite no one else understanding French. Well, except maybe that last word. 

“How do we fix it?” Heavy wondered, rubbing his chin and feeling twinges of guilt, about what everyone else must’ve been feeling around the time. He hadn't really sensed that the small woman was distressed, otherwise he would’ve been more sensible. A sensible drunk.

“The answers pretty obvious there, Heavy! We let her clean the whole base tomorrow, I know she’s been yearning for tha-” Soldier was promptly smacked by Medic before he could finish his assumption. “... I mean, let’s get her some flowers!” He grinned.

“Not bad,” Spy rubbed his chin, “I just hope you have the same definition of flowers as we do…” He added, rather sarcastically. It wasn’t easy to trust Doe’s vocabulary.

“I have an idea myself.” Medic announced, getting ready to speak with a smug look on his face. “We get her-”

“Good lord, no you are not going to give her various organs as gifts.” Spy stopped him before he could go any further, “If you were a woman in distress would you find a bloody liver comforting?”

Medic raised a finger,

“Don’t answer that.”

He took a second and crossed his arms, a disappointed look on his face, “Never mind.”

“Oh, oh! I know! Pick on me, pick on me!” Scout raised his hand, waiting for the balaclava clad man to call on him. It was too bad this wasn’t elementary school, though some similarities remained.

Spy sighed, “Yes?”

“Tomorrow, we oughta make her a breakfast in bed! I used to do that for my own ma when she seemed to have bad days! Always worked.” He smirked.

“Scout, that is-” Spy was almost going to automatically dismiss any ridiculous thought the boy would have, but quickly realized otherwise, “... not a bad idea. I am… surprised.”

“Ha, a better idea than any of these bozos have had.” Scout crossed his arms, relishing in his turn to be smug.

“It’s a start is what it is.” Spy added, lighting another cigarette.

Miss Pauling awoke with a sixth sense of already knowing she had dark circles under her eyes, and most likely looked like the grinch. All she could do was sigh, sitting up in the stiff bed, and getting ready to get out and go back to work. She couldn’t remember off the top of her head what was in store for today, but a flashback of last night did remind her that… wow, she was a bitch.

Those were her own thoughts, but in a way, she didn’t regret it. She acted perfectly reasonable for someone who had to deal with a bunch of drunk children after trying to have a fun night out, and getting stood up by the first date she would’ve had in a long time.

“Whatever. It’s all good. I’m all good.” She breathed, ready to take a shower and get off this base as quickly as possible. Everything was starting to feel peachy again, in her eyes. All she had to do was forget.

A timid pair of knocks came at her door, “Miss Pauling?” It was Scout.

Never mind about the peachiness.

Maybe if she didn’t say anything, he would go away. It was a strategy if anything… then again, this was Scout they were talking about.

“Miss Pauling? I know you’re in there!”

She pinched her nose, “What.” She responded with a flat tone. Not even out of bed and she already had to deal with the remains of last night.

“Um, I gotta- Ow! We gotta surprise for ya’.”

We? Oh no. No. She didn’t relish in the fact of having multiple people waiting at the door. She didn’t even pay attention to the surprise aspect of that. “I have to go to work.” She replied after a moment.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure you can just put that off for… awhile? But, really, you're goin’ to like this!” He assured, some other voices murmuring on the other side of the door, like they were helping him on what to say.

Miss Pauling rubbed her face, not responding for the longest time. She again went back to the notion that, maybe if she ignored him, or them, they'd just go away.

Then came the suspicious rattling sounds from the other side of the door. And, a click. An unlocking sound.

“... Miss Pauling you still there? Are you in bed an’ everything? Cuz, don't freak out, we maybe… sorta, lock picked your door…”

She widened her eyes, pulling the covers up slightly and glaring at the man boy from behind the door, “Scout-whoever, don't come in.” She warned, tone low.

“It'll be okay! You're really going to like this!” He assured once more, creaking the door open ever so slightly.

“Scout. What did I just sa-” She had leaned over and picked up one of her stray heels, preparing to chuck it at whoever dared peek around the corner of the cracked door. She was cut off by the door being kicked open and being greeted by a bombard of “SURPRISE!” From the whole gang.

She yelped and threw her heel as soon as the door was kicked open, hitting sniper in the head and knocking him down momentarily, “...Ouch.”

Her mouth was covered slightly, muttering a “sorry”, before she could take in the sight in front of her. At first her concern for sniper turned into anger for the group,

“What were you idiots thinking?! Get ou- What is this?” She stopped herself, noticing that Scout was holding a tray of various breakfast food with a nervous grin on his face. Everyone else seemed to be smiling as well, with soldier holding a bouquet of flowers, and Demo holding a bottle of wine. Pyro was also holding something, but she couldn't tell what.

Scout started speaking, “Well, er, you seemed to be having a bad night last night-” Spy, who was standing next to Scout gave him a subtle nudge, “Because of us, mainly, so we thought we’d… y’know, apologize.”

Her eyebrow was raised, but she didn't say anything yet.

“So, uh, we made ya’ a breakfast in bed!” He added, walking up to the bed and setting it down on her lap.

She was almost in a daze, wondering what the heck had happened to her team. Maybe last night she was too brash, and could only see them as good for nothing drunks, at the time. Usually it was different, and she got along with mostly everyone.

“I- “ She started, stammering, unsure what to say before Soldier stepped forward, practically shoving the bouquet of flowers in her face.

“Miss Pauling, I got you these flowers, it was my idea after all, so they're the toughest flowers I could find!”

Everyone around her shrugged in response. Doe could be unintentionally sweet when it came to certain situations, surprisingly so.

“Uh, wow, th-” She stammered even further, struggling to grasp the flowers while Soldier continued to boast about them. He, thankfully, was shoved aside by an even more excited, mumbling Pyro who had a gift of his own.

Judging from the looks of just about everyone else in the room, no one knew what it was either. Until he unveiled it of course.

“Oh, uh, a… mixtape?” Miss Pauling herself was surprised, examining the small box. It was titled, “Hot Tracks” and admittedly it concerned her what would actually be on this tape. This was Pyro after all, who was a major mystery themselves.

The initial wave of daziness and confusion soon slipped past Miss Pauling, and she couldn't help but smile. “Awe, Pyro, this is so sweet of you. Thank you.” She looked at them and gave their hand a friendly squeeze.

“Mmph!” They responded, beaming from behind the mask.

“And, Soldier, these flowers are really beautiful.” She addressed him.

He saluted her, “I’m glad I could accomplish my mission with valor.”

“And, Scout.” She started, looking at the boy still in front of her, “...Everyone, this all really… means a lot. I still have to apologize for my own behavior last night, I shouldn't have yelled and…” she coughed slightly, “Sorry.”

Spy spoke up, “Non, Miss Pauling, we, or they, all acted brash and rude. Behaviors you did not deserve to receive. This is our way of apologizing.”

Scout rolled his eyes at the older man, crossing his arms, and wishing he was the first to say that.

“Da, we all appreciate you, Miss Pauling.” Heavy spoke up, “I’m sorry.”

Demo approached the bedside, “Aye, I as well.” He tried to secretly slip her a bottle of one of his favorite whiskey brands, which she accepted with no hesitation, whispering a small “thank you”.

“If you ever are in need of some blackmarket organs or free medical care, my clinic iz always open, Miss Pauling.” Medic spoke up, looking proud of what he had to offer.  

“And, I'm always there for anything of yours that might be fixin’.” Engie added his own gift. Of course, that would've been open to her regardless.

Everyone looked at Mundy, who wasn't totally paying attention at first. A nudge from Heavy quickly brought him up to speed. “Oh, um, hm, I guess if you ever have trouble killing someone discreetly, give me a shout.” He grinned slightly, tipping his hat.

Miss Pauling was still taken back by all of this, but smiling, smiling widely. “I, wow, it… you know what? Thank you. It means a lot, and I try to make sure I don’t… lose my temper like that.”

“Please,” Spy scoffed, “Even if you do, it’s perfectly understandable with this group imbeciles. We should leave you to it.”

She smirked at that, looking down at her watch, “Right, I am… Late! Okay, thank you all so much, but… please get out so I can change.”

Everyone muttered their goodbyes, filing out of the room. Scout was still trying to talk her up, disappointed about having to leave at the time when she had to change. He was soon silenced by Spy dragging him out by the collar of his shirt.

It left her with herself and the sudden bombardments of breakfast, and gifts from her teammates. Getting out of bed at last, she took a few bites of the breakfast and started getting changed quickly, knowing the administrator wouldn’t be too happy with her now.

Still, she was pretty lucky to be apart of a team like this.

[its-called-a-balaclava]

The Team Fortress Testing Initiative

The sequel to Scout: The Aperture Test Subject (link here)

A situation lands ALL of the mercs into cooperative testing. No big deal, they’ve worked together on the field time and time again, right? Well, it’s not that simple.

Multi-Chapter Work-In-Progress

Teen and Up Audiences

Below: from @northern-raven (link here)

Chapter One: What’s With the Boots?

“And that’s what that book ‘The Metamorphosis’ was about; a human who was so stupid that he turned into a bug, so his brain would fit properly into his skull.” Wheatley said to Scout, who was listening with rapt attention.

“Damn. Heavy’s always sayin’ it’s a metaphor about how change affects people or somethin’ like that.” Scout responded, bouncing a tennis ball against the wall.

“Well, what would he know? You know what a PhD is? It’s a form of self-validation. And his PhD is in Russian literature, isn’t it?” Wheatley asked.

“Yeah,” Scout said

“Well, the original text was in German , and you don’t hear that doctor saying anything about redemption, do you?” Wheatley pointed out.

“Yeah… yeah !” Scout said, standing up. “You’re right!”

“Of course I’m right,” Wheatley said. “Now―”

“I don’t know what he’s talking about, but he’s definitely incorrect.” Spy said, walking into the room, making Scout jump.

“What are you doin’ here?” Scout was indignant.

Spy sighed. “I need the thing,” he said, gesturing to Wheatley.

“Well, what happened to your old sapper?” Scout rather liked hanging out with Wheatley. He was a goldmine of information, and he wasn’t condescending about sharing it.

“It’s in the repair shop. Having to disable dozens of level three sentries will do that to a machine.”

Wheatley’s eye widened.

“Thank you,” Spy said, snatching the robot from the floor.

During the battle:

“Are we sneaking?”

“Alright, I’m disabling this machine now…”

“Act natural, we’ve done nothing wrong, right?”

“Why don’t you just stab him, that way we can eliminate the need for hacking?”

After seventeen trips to respawn, the battle was over, and Spy didn’t hesitate to follow their Engineer back to his workshop.

“Can you find some way to remove the speakers on this thing?” Spy asked, holding Wheatley up on the air.

“What? Hey!” he said as he was being waved around in the air for emphasis.

“Uh…” Engie really wasn’t prepared for this debacle.

“If you removed my speakers, I would be a living, sensory being, with no way to communicate to the outside world. Do you know what that is? That is torture. Literally. Philosophically, that is one of the worst forms of torture a being can experience.” Wheatley said, still held high in the air.

“Y’all know I don’t do philosophy.” Engie said. He’d met the “Ap-Sap”― Wheatley― once before, when handling the calibration settings, but he’d been programming the device at the time, so he’d never heard it talk.

“Well―” Wheatley began, but Spy cut him off.

“Please, just disable it.”

“Tell ya what, I’ve got your old sapper,” he handed it over. “Right here. That oughta do ya.”

Spy frowned at it. “True, but if I ever have to use this thing again…”

Even though Engie didn’t do philosophy, and he didn’t really think the robot was sentient, he didn’t feel comfortable taking away its ability to speak. “Look, even if I would shut this thing up,” he said, taking it from Spy, “I don’t know if I could. This ain’t like any machinery I’ve ever seen. Hell, the bolts alone don’t match any of my wrenches.”

Engie turned Wheatley around in his hands, analyzing the core-turned-sapper.

“I feel this is a violation of my personal space,” Wheatley protested.

“Aperture Laboratories― that was all the talk at my class reunion, shame it was just a myth.” Engie said all to himself, looking at the logo printed on the metal.

“What do you mean, a myth?” Spy said, raising an eyebrow. Normally, he would have just prodded Engie back to the present, but that sapper had caused much more trouble than just shoddy fieldwork.

“Well, the factory creates sappers and other specialty devices, apparently Pauling got this sapper from the place.” Engie murmured. “But the story is that the place is actually some messed up research facility. People trapped there as human guinea pigs, technology unlike any ever seen― stuff that would put my teleporters to shame. And actual AIs. This thing,” Engie gestured to Wheatley. “Is likely just a context-stimulated response generator. A box that pretends to talk, in layman’s terms. Probably why Pauling never got any more sappers from the company.” Engie said.

“That’s not true!” Wheatley protested, but it was lost amidst the conversation.

“Why do you care?” Engie asked Spy, puzzled. “Normally you just try and stop me from yammerin’.”

“I think I’ve taken a tour of this facility you are talking about. It’s not just a factory. And I have some questions you might know the answer to.” Spy was calm.

Engie was not. “You’ve ‘taken a tour’? Wait, wait― does this have anything to do when you had to find Scout about a week ago? And y’all missed dinner?”

“To all of those questions, yes.” Spy said.

“Well, then, bring him in. If this is anything like you’re implying, I need to hear more about it.” Engie was leaning forward on his desk chair now, animated with curiosity.

“For scientific purposes or so you will be the center of attention at your next class reunion?” Spy questioned him.

“Probably both,” Engie replied.

By the time they had finished the story― Scout and Spy rushing to cut each other off whenever they could― it was not only Engie, but all of the mercenaries, who were gathered around the workshop table.

“Interesting,” Sniper said.

“So ‘interesting’, I find it hard to believe it happened. Especially considering that we’re only hearing about it now.” Medic chimed in.

Nobody noticed Scout leave the room.

“Why would I lie about this?” Spy addressed Medic, but it was Heavy who answered:

“Shame. You were lost.” the words were short, but they carried weight. Spy, lost and scared in the middle of nowhere? Unthinkable, but more likely than the other story.

“First of all, that is not what happened,” said Spy. “And, secondly, if it had― which I again will remind you it didn't― you really think that going along with a story that Scout made up would be my course of action? Of course not. The sheer ridiculousness of the event proves it to be true. There was simply no point in saying anything earlier, especially since I knew the credibility of this story is doubtful at best.”

“Well―” Demo said, but he was cut off by Scout slamming the door open like a drama queen on a reality T.V. show.

“If I were makin’ this up, then where did I get these ?” he planted a foot in front of him― a foot encased in a Long-Fall Boot. He’d been set to wear them everywhere, right up until he’d caught himself in the mirror after he’d come home. He’d stowed them in the back of his closet and never put them on again.

Well, until now.

It was impossible to tell who burst out laughing first. Engie calmed down the soonest, chortling until he looked closer at the sleek quality and careful design of the boots. “Come over here, boy,” he said, a grin still tugging at the side of his mouth. “Lemme see that.”

Scout bounced over― literally; these things were like springs for his feet― and  raised a foot, trying to keep the awkwardness to a minimum.

Engie could see the purpose of the boots, the way they were structured so a fall would never hurt the wearer, so long as they landed feet-first. He tapped his chin, Newton’s laws and energy equations swirling around in his mind.

Engie said, “Boy, I need you to walk around. Need to see more of it. How it works and such.” Actually, he didn’t. But when would an opportunity like this arise again?

Scout blushed, but it was for the best. He paraded around the room, slowly walking heel-to-toe as he watched Engie watching him.

Engie did his best to keep a straight face. “Alright, now walk backwards.”

“Wha―”

Engie snapped his fingers. “It’s important, boy.”

Everyone had caught on, and as Scout walked backwards― and straight into the wall― Demo had to hide his laughs in a round of fake coughing.

“These ceilings are high, boy.” Engie said, and it was all he could do to keep the smile off of his face. “Jump.”

“Did― didja say ‘jump’?”

“Yup. You have to jump.” The ceilings were tall, but if Engie’s guess was right, they weren’t tall enough. “Just once.”

Scout was scarlet now. But it was okay; it was to prove it happened. And Engie was a total genius at these things.

He sprang up and collided with the ceiling, hitting a light fixture with his forehead and landing on the floor with no dignity whatsoever.

“HAH! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!” Engie cried, slapping his knee. The rest joined in for another fit of laughter. “Holy hell, that was funny, boy. But in all seriousness,” he said, seeing the red mark on Scout’s head and feeling bad, “All I wanna see now is the gun.”

“The… gun?” Scout asked.

Engie put his hands on the table. “This could make teleportin’ on the field revolutionary. If you can give it to me, within a week, I can give a working model to all of us.”

“Um, I don’t have it,” Scout said, avoiding his gaze.

Engie straightened up. “What do ya mean, you don’t have it?”

“Uh, I think I dropped it somewhere after we left the place, before we got back in Spy’s car. It’s cool, though,” Scout said. “I like the teleporters we have now.”

Engie leaned in closer to everyone gathered around the table. He had a fire in his eyes― and as everyone would soon find out, enough metal detectors to go around.

Next Chapter

Notes:

I don’t usually put images in these posts, but this was just perfect… I just wish it would show up with higher res but that’s tumblr for ya, click the link guys! 

Whelp, this is the end of the first chapter of the second part. I love comments, so, leave one! You know, if you want.

And also, I’ll admit I’ve never read The Metamorphosis, but I’m sure Wheatley’s wrong about this one.

[mistertf2xreaderfluffballcake]

How would the mercs react to a scientist S/O who has managed to give themselves doc oc arms? They become a menace to society on the battlefield lmao they even manage to throw the enemy heavy like a basketball

Oh, interesting. This is a neat idea. So I will try it out! Hope you enjoy it!!

Important notes: Oh wait I just realized after writing this. I made it the other way around ( ;∀;) I made it like where the scientist s/o gifted the arms to the mercs. I read it wrong!!! Well... I am sorry but is it okay if it is the other way around? Like s/o gifted it to them. I am super sorry but I still hope you enjoy it!! I hope you can forgive me. You can request me this again. I understand if you do. Again I am sorry.

Scout

Um HELL YES! He can now throw the enemy heavy like a basketball is so EPIC! Take that!!! He will always flex about the cool arm. Guess what guys did you know that my smart and wonderful lover made this. Fricken unbelievable right!? This thing is awesome!!!

Soldier

He is always happy to receive something from his lovely and sweet cupcake. This was definitely new and different. Soldier enjoys using it for special occasions. Just maybe not in regular battle he just likes to keep his old ways you know? But the soldier is very happy to receive such a maggot beating up machine robot arm thingy gift.

Pyro

DANGER DANGER shit is about to get down everybody hideeee!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, it was also an extra hot and fireball shooter arm. Ohhh nooo pyro was already a menace on the battlefield but now pyro is the final boss. Final boss: PYRO the cute yet deadly fireball. Pyro loves the gift. mmphhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Engi

Epic! But he already has one. But still, he loves the arm. Now with it, he can build stuff much quicker. Which is very nice. Also thanks to the arm there are probably now lower chances of spys backstabbing him. So YEY! So yes the arm is very handy. lol.

Heavy

Heavy already pretty strong so hmmm yes an extra Misha. Heavy is now MORE unstoppable. Oh no. Everbody run!! Heavy would put you on his shoulder while every living screams in fear. ...

Demoman

He had an extra feature of... yep bombs. BOOM! BOOM! KABOOOMM!!! The whole battle was filled with the sound of bombs while demo and you did a little happy dance. Hehe *hick* Chears love!

Sniper

The arm was able to recharge his rifle way quicker. It did it automatically so ye everybody is just...Boom headshot...boom headshot...boom. Which was really nice and also since he has long arms it can pick up mercs trying to sneak on him just yet throw them out the window. And of course, they were made to not target you.

Medic

Um, HEALING. Just heal everybody! No teammates/mercs are dying in this battle!! Just evil laughing the whole time. It was a blast for sure and of course, medic gave you a little forehead kiss for the lovely arm. Thank you for the thoughtful and useful gift my love.

Spy

The arm was much more useful than he thought. He now had an easier time backstabbing others. BACKSTAB EVERYWHERE!!! He can also use it to pull you in for a little surprise peck :) Hehe, sneaky fancy man.

Hope you enjoyed it!