#intercession for her necessarily...

[fideidefenswhore]

Chapuys had taken up Catherine's cause upon his arrival in London after the recess of the court of Blackfriars. Until Anne's succession, her uncle often communicated with Chapuys, ingratiating himself with the diplomat in the hope that he might learn secret information concerning Charles V. In this context, the Duke [of Norfolk]'s statement that both Anne's father and he were opposed to the King's decision to marry her was significant because this information enabled the hostile ambassador to assume that Anne, presumably acting without family support, had bewitched Henry into divorcing Catherine. Following this assumption to its logical conclusion, Chapuys could then blame Anne instead of the King for the European crisis the marital dispute had created. Far from being a valid private account of the royal household, Chapuys's dispatches provide an intriguing history of what he thought, and of what others wanted him to think, about court politics. The fact is that after 1531, when Catherine of Aragon was rusticated, no major courtier was willing to plead with the king of her behalf and, with the break-up of her household, her support at court ceased to exist. Even Thomas More's continuation as Lord Chancellor rested on the assumption that King and Parliament could decide the succession, and when he resigned it was to defend a Church whose unity was under attack. In 1533, the King's councillors, including William, Lord Mountjoy, Catherine's own chamberlain, attempted to persuade her to accept the title of Princess Dowager.

Tudor Political Culture, Dale Hoak

[rahleeyah]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

🥺🥺🥺🥺 thank you so much for including me I love this!!!! We all have our favorite fics we've read and I'm always so interested to see what an author's perspective is on their own work and it's fun for me to think about too lol

I'm gonna do favorite svu fics. I've posted 131 fics over the last 13 years and each fandom/period of my writing has its own flavor and I can't necessarily pit them against each other lol

For svu, in no particular order, my five favorites are:

1. Instinct

2. The art of letting go

3. Pretending

4. I'll crawl home to her

5. Til my lungs give out

There is a little recency bias at play here, I always remember newer things best, but also I am always trying to grow as a writer. Trying to develop my relationship with the words and with the mechanics of storytelling, and so while i love so much of my older work (the stubborn love + intercession + restitution one shot era was good work imo!!!) I do think I've improved a lot over time lol

[goodqueenaly]

Why does Queen Alysanne look so different from her siblings and parents? She has blue eyes and blond hair instead of purple eyes and silver hair. I highly doubt she's a bastard, but I feel like there must be a reason for her distinct coloring? Thank you!

Well, to be pedantic about it, we’re not certain what all of Alysanne’s siblings looked like. We have a good idea about Jaehaerys and Rhaena of course, and given that at 15 Aegon the (future) Uncrowned “was said by many to be the very image of his grandsire at the same age”, it may be worth guessing that he shared the silver-gold hair and purple eyes of Aegon the Conqueror. However, we don’t have any idea what Prince Viserys looked like, nor the short-lived Princess Vaella, so it is entirely possible that they shared Alysanne’s honey-colored curls and/or blue eyes. Nor should we necessarily assume that Alysanne’s looks were entirely non-Valyrian, or owed nothing to her Targaryen/Valyrian heritage: after all, Gyldayn later goes on to describe Moredo Rogare as looking like “the very image of a warrior of Old Valyria” in part because of his “blazing blue eyes”, while Daenerys’ Lysene handmaiden Doreah is described as having “hair the color of honey, and eyes like the summer sky”. 

Anyway, to the extent GRRM wanted Alysanne to look less obviously Targaryen/Valyrian than her two longest-surviving siblings, perhaps GRRM depicted her this way to show Alysanne as more in touch with the common people of Westeros, befitting her eventual “good queen” moniker. As Alysanne looked less strikingly, indeed inhumanly beautiful than the common image of the Targaryens, so, perhaps, her appearance embodied the bridge she encouraged (through her good works and intercession with the king) between crown and people. Maybe the suggestion is supposed to be that Alysanne was not a faraway god-like figure who did not care for her people, but a queen who, for example, wished to hear the injustices of the women in her realm, end the terror of the right of the first night, and provide the citizens of her capital with clean water. But that’s just a guess, of course.

I also wonder the extent to which GRRM is again drawing from The Accursed Kings. (I know, it me.) Since I think Jaehaerys I in F&B pulls quite a bit from Druon’s depiction of King Edward III of England, it would hardly surprise me that GRRM would also be thinking about Edward’s (sometime) beloved bride, Philippa of Hainaut, when detailing Alysanne. While I don’t think personality-wise Druon’s Philippa and F&B’s Alysanne have much in common - Philippa is indeed barely a character in The Accursed Kings, likely a surprise to no one in that misogynistic series - and they don’t in fact look particularly similar, Druon is very insistent that the readers see his Philippa as not particularly beautiful (indeed referring to her multiple times as “chubby”, “stout”, and “fat”, and never as a compliment). More to the point, when Philippa marries Edward, Druon notes that while Philippa “was not even very pretty ... she had an attractive simplicity”, as “[w]ithout her royal adornments, she would have looked no different from any other red-headed girl of her age”; accordingly, in Druon’s opinion, Philippa “was essentially no different from the women over whom she was to reign”, and “[e]very stout, red-headed girl felt that she had, somehow or other, been personally complimented and honoured” as Philippa was made the king’s wife. (Did I mention how problematic this series is?) So maybe Alysanne being “oft described as pretty but seldom as beautiful”, yet nevertheless being mutually in love with her fair young king, is meant to recall this distinctly un-beautiful (in Druon’s opinion, anyway) princess falling mutually in love with her fair young king.

[useless-bi-otch]

Cookies'n Cream - Chapter 11

Last chapter / MasterList / art by @aneenasevla

Chapter 11 - Intercession

"Kanny... you didn't need to do that..."

"Yes, I did, Tomori," Kanami interrupts her without frills, cracking her fists, the right one being currently bandaged with gauze "I might've hurt my hand hitting that bowling ball head, but it was worth it."

Hiro laughs mischievously, throwing his head back. Tomori, on the other hand, can only smile weakly. A surge of affection for her overprotective friend filled her up completely and made her feel warm inside, which was a welcome change from the cold sadness she'd been feeling since the night before. But thinking about Okubo getting punched, as much as she agreed it was deserved, didn't make her feel any better.

The three of them had just left the Heavy Bakery, after calling the day's activities closed. After such an emotional morning, especially for the sous chef, the most logical conclusion to come to was that they deserved a break, preferably with food cooked by others on the side. Ohma and Paikon were invited to participate, but both declined the invitation, each with their own reasons for doing so.

"Drinking and eating grilled meat would be a good way to enjoy the weekend, but I'm going to have to stay late to clean up the trail of destruction that that big idiot left," The janitor pointed to the tables that had been overturned after the altercation between Kanami and Okubo, and the baker had managed to look just a little bit embarrassed.

"Thanks, but I already have something else to do. Koga asked for a sparring session," Ohma explained when saying goodbye to them, after the bakery was closed. "And at a time like this, I think she needs you guys more than me."

And with that, it was just the three of them, walking together through Tokyo's shopping district, Kanami and Hiro flanking Tomori like they were a pair of bodyguards, if bodyguards had the habit of acting like high school girls who were determined to make their heartbroken friend forget the loser that had hurt her.

"It sure was! And you deserve all the applause I can give you before you tell me to stop embarrassing you, love," Hiro declares after laughing, very satisfied "Have you ever knocked down a pachyderm that size before, Kanny? If not, we can now declare this your new record."

"Nah, it was nothing worth geting praise over," The baker snorts, now looking sincerely frustrated "It doesn't count as a victory when the opponent literally let you win…"

That makes Tomori turn to her, surprised.

"What do you mean? Did he... did he let you punch him?"

"Yep. He didn't even try to parry, the son of a bitch," Kanami grunts with disdain "In addition to being a jerk, he's also arrogant. Underestimating another fighter like that, thinking he's hot stuff just because he has a stupid belt..."

"Or maybe he thought that if you got some satisfaction out of that punch, you'd be more willing to comply with his requests..."

"Not a chance! Tomori didn't want to see him, so he wasn't going to get close to her, no matter how many punches he let me throw at him," Kanami declares with conviction, and Tomori blushes slightly, her smile widening a little.

“Seriously, you guys are the best. But… I didn't expect him to do something like that. If he let himself be punched, I mean...," She admits, lowering her eyes in contemplation "I thought he was going to try to block, or at least run from the bakery when he saw that you were willing to fight him. He does have a bit of a history with the police, after all..."

"Oh no, Tomori! Don't let that bout of masochism on his part get through you, girl!," Hiro commands, pointing to his friend imperiously "Men like that are capable of anything, even putting up with a little public humiliation, if that means they're going to get what they want later. None of this is necessarily a sign of regret, my dear."

“And even if there was some regret, would it make any difference?,” Kanami complete, serious, "Would it change anything he did? Would it make you feel less hurt or disappointed?"

"… No, it wouldn't," She concedes after sighing, hugging herself as if she's cold while averting her eyes "It wouldn't change a thing. I think it's just the fan inside me talking, trying to cling to some bleak hope that he's not a complete idiot, that there's a good explanation for what happened yesterday..."

"Well, you can send this inner groupie to a extended vacation, with no return date," Hiro makes an incisive gesture with his right arm, as if closing the matter "You deserve better than to be treated with such neglect, Tomoh."

"Well said! Now let's forget about that asshole a bit while we focus on this rest of weekend," Kanami tries to smile "Let's stuff our faces with meat, drink something cold and non-alcoholic and, later, we can go to the karaoke. Is that good enough for you?"

"Haha, karaoke is always good enough for me," Tomori laughs softly while pulling her phone out of her purse "I think now is a good time to call Akane to see if she's available to party…"

"And when that girl isn’t available to party, my dear? It's in her blood!," Hiro laughs, to which Kanami rolls her eyes a little.

"And in yours too, I suppose. Where did I get myself into when befriending you...," She smiles when that makes Tomori laugh more openly. And then she adds, “But she'll definitely ask about yesterday, since she was the one who helped you get ready. Inevitably we will come back to that subject again..."

"Which is good, because in that girl's venomous tongue, baldie's name will turn into a curse!," Hiro chuckles. “Soon, all of Tokyo will have joined the trend of saying that screwing up with something simple that has everything to work out is 'making an Okubo out of yourself'."

They continued their way through the shopping area, laughing and joking, and as Tomori had predicted, it was helping to keep her mind well off the events of the previous night. But she still dreaded the moment when she would be alone again, at home, far from any human warmth that could comfort her. Then the depressed thoughts would come back full force.

Maybe she should come up with some excuse for not having to sleep alone that night. Her parents would certainly welcome her with open arms if she said there was a leak in her bathroom or something. She felt like a teenage girl again, wanting her mother's lap to comfort her from her disappointments. And with company around, it would be easier not to think about him all the time...

* * *

On Wednesday, Tomori went to work feeling strangely anxious. That was the day she had come to see as the “garbage day,” when fighters and gym-goers allowed themselves to leave their regulated diets behind and indulge in sweets, fried foods and other high-calorie foods.

The day Okubo used to show up at the Heavy Bakery with Rihito, Himuro and Kaneda.

"If he shows up, it's simple: I'll kick him out, with as many more punches as that masochistic gorilla wants to receive," Kanami growled when Tomori shared that thought with her, after they entered the kitchens.

"But… what about his friends, Kanny? Rihito, Himuro and Kaneda... wouldn't you let them in too?," She asks, a little distressed, to which Kanami looks to the side with an expression of displeasure.

“They didn't do anything, as far as I know. They might even have participated in parts of that Saturday idiocy if they were at a bar waiting for their friend. But there's no way to prove that, so...," She shrugs with a sigh "If they show up, we'll serve them normally. Now if they do anything stupid, like defend that idiot or try to convince you to give him another chance, they'll all become personae non gratae from then on."

Tomori had just nodded, not wanting to extend the subject. After a fun Sunday with friends and a good night's sleep at her parents' house, she started that week feeling a little bit better, even if not completely recovered. She doubted the bruise she'd suffered would heal quickly. And she wouldn't want anything to do with dating, even casually, for a long time to come.

She hadn't heard much from Okubo either since Saturday night, the last time she had seen or spoken to him. He'd sent a few texts on Monday, which she hadn't responded to, and tried to call her on Tuesday, which she hadn't picked up. But even though she was ignoring him, she hated herself that she still couldn't muster up enough courage to block his number. She didn't know what she was waiting for. A grand gesture of regret on his part, perhaps? What difference would it make at this point?

And why would he bother to make a grand gesture anyway? They never had anything, not even something casual...

She'd tried not to think about it too much throughout her shift, focusing on her job and being pleased that, for once, she wasn't making mistakes stemming from her depressed state. At least that hadn't been taken away from her... at least until the moment when she heard the sound of the bell at the bakery's entrance door, and when she looked out the pantry window, she felt her stomach do a somersault when faced with the duo who had just entered.

"Kanny...!," She hisses while moving out of sight of the window, alarmed, flattening her back against the kitchen's tiled wall "It's them!"

Kanami grinds her teeth a little, dropping the spatula she was using to coat a cake with ganache and quickly peeking out the pantry window 

"How many of them?"

"Just- Just two," Tomori risks peeking too, still cowering "Himuro and Kaneda..."

They watch, Tomori distressed, Kanami suspicious, as the two men head to one of the tables near the windows, both talking quietly to each other as they take seats on opposite sides. They look toward the front door, waiting, but no one else enters after them.

Okubo wasn't with them then. Thank God. But it was strange that the blonde one, Rihito, wasn't there too. They look at each other.

"Kanny, do you think…?"

“They won't come all this way to bother you. I don't know them that well, but they seem to have a little more sense than those two gorillas. But during your lunch break...," Kanami frowns "Maybe it's better for you to have lunch inside the kitchen...?"

Tomori closes her mouth, staring at the marble countertop, and then shaking her head 

"I won't stop myself from eating in peace because I might be approached. And like you said, they know better than the other two."

Kanami doesn't seem to approve much, but concedes with a nod.

"Okay. But if they bother you..."

“I'll let you know right away,” Tomori promises, and that seems to be enough to convince the head cook. The two go back to work after that; concentrating on her duties always helped to diffuse some of the tension.

It doesn't take more than ten minutes for Tomoyo to appear at the window, bringing the newcomers' orders on a small sheet of paper, making a sour expression that made the sous chef worried.

"What's wrong? Did they... did they say something?," she asks, and the waitress shakes her head.

"No, they didn't. They placed their orders normally," She then snorts "But even so, I'm only attending to them because it's my job. They have a lot of nerve to show up here after what their friend did to you."

And despite her nervousness, Tomori doesn't resist and opens a tender smile. Tomoyo's grimace intensifies when the older one reaches out of the window, squeezing her right cheek playfully.

"You're so sweet. But it was their friend who messed up, not them. Let's separate the personal from the professional and serve customers properly, Tomoyo."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Stop it, I'm not a kid...," The girl grumbles while taking Tomori's hand away from her face "Anyway, they want a BLT and a katsu sandwich, an espresso and a chocolate milkshake and a small box of sugar cookies."

Tomori nods, trying not to let on that the last item on the order had upset her a bit. Jeez… they really liked her cookies, didn't they? She'd be lying if she said she wasn't happy about it, though.

As it turned out, her lunch break coincided with picking up their orders; fate seemed to be having fun playing those coincidental tricks on her, apparently. She hands the tray to Tomoyo while removing her apron, turning to Kanami and saying, "I'll be back in an hour, Kanny."

"Okay. And if you feel uncomfortable...," The head cook does not complete the sentence, but her stern look says enough. Tomori just nods, picking up her lunchbox as she goes to look for an empty table.

The only vacant table turns out to be the one right in front of Himuro's and Kaneda's. Of course. Just like her luck, right? She approaches with her head down, trying not to make eye contact with either of them, until she hears Tomoyo ask, a little dryly, "Is there something wrong with the order, gentlemen?"

That makes her lift her head, brow furrowing, turning to peer at their table. Himuro and Kaneda stared at their plates with slightly annoyed expressions. But the smaller one managed to smile politely at the waitress anyway.

"Haha, no, everything came right. Thank you, miss..."

Tomoyo still looked a little suspicious, but clearly she wasn't in the mood to extend the subject, so she just nodded and walked away. It's only after making sure she was far enough away that Himuro sighs.

"Damn, everyone always gets confused, but I'm sick of correcting them..."

That makes Tomori pause. Confused with what? Their food? She was sure she had prepared their order correctly. It wasn't possible that she had become so tense as to get confused, or make another mistake...

“Yes, but it's to be expected, considering how we present ourselves,” Kaneda laughs a little, holding the dividers of his robes with the thumb and forefinger of his right hand, before picking up the plate where the katsu sandwich was and giving it to Himuro. "Here. Now my BLT, please..."

"There you go. Enjoy it," Himuro imitates him, shaking his head "Perhaps, if you start wearing more casual clothes, this kind of confusion will stop happening."

"Not a chance. Exchanging plates with you is easier," Kaneda laughs softly, and Tomori, finally understanding what had happened, can't resist and chuckles. Who would have thought that someone who dressed as traditionally as Kaneda could have such a western taste in food...

The sound of her laughter had the two men lifting their heads, though. Tomori looks away automatically, embarrassed, but their expressions remain neutral.

"Hello, Miss Uta," Kaneda greets her, and she concluded that it would be very impolite to ignore them.

“Hello…,” She nods. And after a second of awkward silence, she decides to comment, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, "You guys scared me for a second. I thought I had made a mistake with your orders or something, and it would be one more for my quota for the week, hahaha..."

"Nah, everything came just fine. It's just that we find it funny how everyone looks at Kaneda and automatically associates him with the most traditionally Japanese things possible," Himuro points at Kaneda, who smiles and shakes his head.

"If you had grown up in a traditionalist environment where you were barely allowed to buy a Big Mac after school, you would understand my more westernized tastes."

Tomori laughs a little, putting a hand over her mouth. And then she clears her throat, saying sheepishly, "Well, I'll let you eat in peace. I'll be at that table in case you want to give feedback. It always warms the cooks' hearts, hehe."

They nod, and she quickly goes to sit. She wasn't going to eat in a hurry, she knew the harm that could do to her stomach, but she also didn't want to linger there too long, where she could probably hear their conversation...

"... He still hasn't answered?," She hears Kaneda's voice, low, but still audible.

"No. Neither of 'em did. I tried not to, but I'm starting to get worried...," Himuro replies in the same tone.

"At least try calling Rihito..."

"Hell no! He'll keep asking if I'm gay, if I'm in love with him or something..."

"I don't think he's in the mood for that kind of joke, honestly..."

Tomori would love it if covering your ears and starting to hum wasn't considered childish. Damn it, she didn't want to hear that conversation! Perhaps she should have accepted Kanami's suggestion to eat inside the kitchen...

"Yeah, but still. He won't want to talk about it. Neither will Okubo...," She hears Himuro sigh "Wanting a little time just for themselves while they lick their wounds is understandable, but it's been days, dammit!"

"I know. I wish we could schedule a day for all of us to talk, for them to work things out, with the two of us acting as mediators so things don't escalate. But I don't know if things have calmed down since Sunday," She looks over her shoulder, not resisting tha impulse, and sees the top of Kaneda's head move slightly "I just wish I could do something..."

"Me too… the worst part is that, besides being worried, I'm getting pissed, man. When are these two going to quite their whining and face the consequences of what they did and said? It doesn't even seem like we're all grown ass men in our thirties, I swear to... uuh...?," Himuro stops chattering, blinking, while staring at a point above Kaneda's head. The smaller one frowns and turns around, confused, and lock his eyes with Tomori's, who was trying to discreetly peep on them over the back of her seat. She blushes furiously when she sees that she's been caught.

"S-Sorry! I didn't mean to pry, I swear...!," She assures, hiding behind the backrest, looking to the side "It's just that I couldn't help but hear… sorry, I swear I'll leave as soon as I finish eating…"

Himuro and Kaneda looked at each other, seeming to communicate non-verbally, before the latter turned again, opening a gentle smile and sayingl "We understand. You'd certainly want to know, considering everything..."

"He. You must be wanting to ask questions, to find out what happened from the mouth of those who saw it...," Himuro deduces, and Tomori, still looking to the side, nods slowly.

"I mean… not that it's going to make any difference…," She shrugs, uncertain "But it's just… I don't want to go around making accusations, but I can't understand how anyone could have the kind of idea he had and not being stoped by his friends, you know...?"

"We weren't at the bar when it all happened," Kaneda replies after taking a sip of his coffee "I arrived after Okubo left and only found Rihito there."

"And I work at that bar. My shift started at eight that Saturday. Okubo and you showed up there not long after I clocked in," Himuro takes a bite of his sandwich, chewing slowly and swallowing before continuing "By the time Rihito told us what had happened, it was too late for us to do anything. Sorry about that..."

"No need to apologize. No one was to blame for what happened but himself...," Tomori sighs a little. She didn't know what she was expecting to hear from them. Maybe feeling like that chapter was closed and she could turn the page? It was unnerving not to have that satisfaction "But Rihito was there with him, wasn't he? I thought he could at least have done or said something..."

"Rihito was drunk too. He himself says he has trouble remembering everything that happened, so we couldn't get many answers out of him other than confirming that Okubo and he drank together," Kaneda explains "Maybe that's why he didn't show up here today. Hu must be to embarrassed to show his face around here..."

Tomori doubted it a lot. Shame didn't seem to be a feeling that outrageous and inconvenient guy felt very often. She sighs again.

"Maybe. Thank you anyway. As I said, the only one who was responsible for what happened was Mr. Okubo and no one else. So don't feel guilty."

Himuro and Kaneda looked at each other again before the former assured, "Believe me, we don't. But it's still hard to see a friend of ours so down, you know? Walking like he lost the biggest match of his career or something..."

"Come on, Himuro, don't make her feel guilty too," Kaneda warns while Tomori shrinks a little on her seat, a painful twinge hitting her right in the chest "She was the one who got the short end of the stick, after all."

"I know that. I'm not defending Okubo or anything," Himuro assures "I just wanted to explain our position."

"Yeah… that's good," Tomori frowns a little. "I thought you'd come all the way here to intercede for him or something…"

"We do not have that obligation. And neither the right to ask something like that from you," Kaneda says simply "We came because we like the food and the atmosphere here... and also because we kind of promised last week," He opens a slightly embarrassed smile "It's not the best of situations, but since we were still welcome..."

"You are. Believe me, we know how to separate things around here. We know that you are not to blame for anything," She assures, smiling shyly too "You can show up whenever you want. And if you see Nakata- I mean, if you see Rihito, you can tell him he's welcome too, as long as he doesn't insist with this story of wanting numbers from women he doesn't even know, haha."

Both laugh a little, Himuro saying in sequence, "We'll remind him of that when we see him again. But I guess you don't have any message for Okubo, do you?"

"… Not right now," She concludes after thinking a bit, her expression tightening again "I'm still in the recovery phase, so I'd rather not talk about it. But thank you for telling me what you knew. It's more than what he did for me... oh, sorry! I'm not going to speak ill of your friend as if you shared my anger," She shakes her hand a little when the two exchange a somewhat embarrassed look. "You don't have to be angry with him on my behalf..."

"Too late. We already are," That's all Kaneda says, and Himuro reinforces the statement with a brief nod "What he did to you, miss, no one deserves. A true friend does not overlook these things."

That made her smile more. It was nice to feel validated by people who weren't part of her social circle, and who were still close to whoever had wronged her. She just hoped that hearing reprimands from his own friends was enough to open Okubo's eyes, make him realize his mistakes...

"Not that that's my problem, of course."

"Thanks for that. Anyway, tell me what you think of the order! Kanny made the BLT and the milkshake, and I made the katsu sandwich and the espresso. I even tried drawing with foam on its surface, sorry about that, haha."

"Miss Uta, we aren't like Rihito. We don't feel that our masculinity is being threatened when someone does things like that for us," Kaneda laughs again "The sandwich is delicious, and so is the coffee. The foam design turned out great, like the icing drawings you do on your cookies," He indicates the cookie box that was delivered with the rest of the order.

"I also have nothing to complain about my sandwich and milkshake, just like in the other times. But seriously, do you paint by any chance?," Himuro asks her "A person who manages to make drawings like that with icing and coffee foam has to have an artistic streak, in my opinion."

"Thanks! And yes, I paint and illustrate, not just in my culinary work. I even thought about studying visual arts before deciding on gastronomy...," She keeps commenting while eating, and when she realizes it, Kaneda, Himuro and her were talking like old acquaintances who had met by chance. It was good to know that Okubo's presence wasn't necessary for her to be able to blend in with them.

At one point, she saw Kanami discreetly watching her from the pantry window. The head cook makes an inquiring gesture with her hand, and Tomori smiles, discreetly raising a thumb, signaling that everything was fine. And it was. Even better than she would have imagined when those two showed up.

* * *

And it was on Sunday, a week after Kanami kicked Okubo out of the bakery, that this feeling was cemented inside Tomori.

The day had started overcast, which was not unusual during summer. She went to work with an umbrella safely inside her purse, and at the end of the day, the sky was already cloudy enough for her to keep it in her hands, preparing to have to open it at any moment. With luck, she would make it home before the rain came down on her head.

The wind was already picking up when she got off at the train station, the distinctive smell of rain reaching her nostrils and making her quicken her pace. But her haste was only due to the fact that she didn't want to get too wet. She had no plans for that Sunday. Her parents were out of town visiting her paternal grandparents. Her brother and sister-in-law traveled to Hokkaido for a conference. And Kanami and Hiro each had their own commitments; she had a strong suspicion that Kanami's involved a certain ravenous brute with hair that resembled black seaweed, and the thought made her smile sadly. At least one of them was getting lucky in that department.

When she was a block away from home, already hearing the sound of drops hitting the plastic of the umbrella, she took her phone out of her purse, clicking on Akane's contact.

Wolfie:

hey girl

do you have any plans for today?

I'm thinking of baking some cookies here at home 

gotta take advantage of this rainy weather to stay on the couch watching some dumb movies

you comin? It’ll be chocolate chip cookies, your favorite

Panther:

bitch you only remember me when you need a shoulder to cry on don't ya?

LMAO

Wolfie:

LMAO fuck off

I'll never invite you for a bad movie marathon with cookies on the side again u.u

Panther:

good, I'm on a diet lol

no seriously I'd love to but I can't

do you remember Roki, my fuck buddy?

mf showed up outta the blue offering a dick appointment

Wolfie:

girl is this a laundry day for ya?

the fuck you gonna do with a wet blanket smh

Panther: 

Wetter than that blanket is my cunt, bitch LOL

I was gonna tell him to fuck all the way off

but my hornyness got the better outta me

I'm no anaconda to eat and then fast for the next 4 months LMAO

so I'm going on a date with him later, sorry

Wolfie:

it's okay 

you already had plans

go to your dick appointment and have fun

Panther:

I should be the one telling you that honey

you still sad over that stupid gorilla?

you even eating cookies, and I know you're sick of them

girl, fuck that shit

go talk to one of your college mates and ask for a dick appointment too

throw those memories into the trash were they belong

Tomori's smile fades with the last message. Hell, why did Akane have to remind her of her still-wounding heart on that lonely Sunday? She knew her friend just wanted to cheer her up, but at the moment, she wasn't in the mood to even think about dates, nor the uncommitted ones. It was still a very fresh wound…

The drizzle soon increased in volume, gradually becoming a thunderous downpour, and Tomori had to put her phone away to quicken her pace, running while holding the umbrella more firmly above her head. It was a good thing she wasn't far from home, and it was with relief that she turned down the street from her house. The heavy rain made it a little difficult for her to see, closing in like a damp curtain, so from this distance she could only make out outlines. A couple of parked cars, a couple of trees lopped from the neighbors' yards... and a single person on the street. 

That made her frown. What could a person be doing on the street at this hour, in the pouring rain and apparently without an umbrella?

The person seemed to be a bit lost; Tomori saw them wander aimlessly along the sidewalk opposite her house, seeming to be looking for something. They were tall, full-bodied, and she quickly concluded that it was a man. Her wariness meter immediately went off, making her walk even faster, splashing in the water and wetting her shoes. It could have been some drunk, and she had already reached her tolerance quota with them for quite some time. She pulls out her  phone again as she opens the gate, walking quickly to the door as she goes back to typing.

Wolfie:

girl I'm in no mood for dick appointments

that blow hurt like a bitch and I need some time to recover

I'll be off now, it's raining cats and dogs and there's some weirdo walking up and down the street

not gonna stay here to see what he's doing

see ya!

She puts her phone away again, closes her umbrella and takes her keys out of her purse as she stops under the porch, waiting to hear the sound of the gate automatically locking behind her...

"Shit...! Uh- That doesn't count as a home invasion, does it?"

"AAIEEEE!," Tomori squeaks when she hears the male voice, above the sound of rain. Fuck, the weirdo had followed her home! She turns with a snarl, raising her umbrella and slamming it as hard as she could into the intruder's head. "Get away from me! I'll call the police, I'll-"

"OUCH! Fuck, what- wait, stop! Calm down, Miss Uta, it's me!"

She widened her eyes, stopping in the act of lifting the umbrella again as she recognized the voice that squealed, as well as the green eyes wide in fear and the bleached hair being shielded by huge arms that protectively covered the area she had hit.

"What- Rihito?!," She exclaims, putting the umbrella down, but still holding the handle firmly between her fingers "Wait, was that you wandering around in the rain back there?"

Rihito raises his head a little when he realizes that he won't be attacked anymore, at least not for the moment. He was completely soaked, his hair dripping with water, his sodden sweatshirt clinging a little to his muscles. He shudders hard and hugs himself, smiling wanly, his chin trembling a little.

"If- If it looked like a drunk trying to imitate Gene Kelly and failing miserably, then it was- it was me. I - brrr! - I was trying to remember where your house was..."

"For what? What did you come here for anyway?," She demands to know, gesturing a little with the umbrella, and Rihito follows the trajectory of the object with a somewhat alarmed expression.

"I- I- I kinda decided to take Sunday off for a surprise visit! So... surprise...?," He waves his hands in celebration, grinning like a half-desperate idiot. Tomori looks him up and down, stunned. And then she clenches her fists and frowns. If he had bothered to come all the way there...

"Mr. Okubo sent you here, didn't he?"

That makes him widen his eyes even more. He shakes his head quickly, and Tomori blinks irritably as droplets of water fly towards her face. 

"Wha- no! He didn't!"

"Yeah, right," She huffs, nearly dropping her keys and umbrella when her hands shake with indignation "Why else would you've come here? You could've at least gone looking for me at the bakery instead of following me home like a stalker."

"I- I didn't follow you! I kinda just found the street actually..."

"That doesn't change anything! Look, I'm sorry, but you wasted your time, okay? I don't want to hear anything Mr. Okubo told you to tell me," She says decisively, turning her back on him while looking for the right key in the bunch "I'm going to unlock the gate, so you can leave my property now-"

"Miss Uta, wait!", He suddenly exclaims, and Tomori jumps a little when his huge hand hits against the wood of the door, above her head. She turns, startled, wondering if the neighbors would come to her aid if she screamed loud enough...

But the urge to scream wanes when she sees his expression. He was leaning towards her a little, and tall as he was, he seemed at first glance to be trying to intimidate her. But she didn't see any hostility in his face, in his big, expressive eyes. He then says, pleadingly, his voice trembling from the cold:

"I swear, Okubo didn't send me. He doesn't even know I'm here, we haven't spoken since last week. I- I came on my own. I just wanted to talk to you. Please, Miss Uta..."

Tomori wanted to tell him that she wasn't interested. She wanted to send him away, to tell him she would call the police if he continued to bother her…but she couldn't. The way his eyes fluttered, looking almost teary amidst the rainwater that continued to run down his face... it was like staring at a puppy that had lost its mother and wanted to make up for it with the first human that showed it some kindness. Or like staring at a big, frightened child.

This didn’t look at all like the loud, womanizing, somewhat self-centered man, the poster child for the concept of toxic masculinity that she had been getting to know in the last few weeks. And maybe that was why she felt herself letting her guard down a little, against what her common sense dictated.

“This…this isn't about you wanting my friend's number…is it?," she finally asks uncertainly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other in her discomfort. He looks away, straightening up as he scratches the back of his neck.

"Well, it wasn't, but now that you brought that up… just kidding!," He exclaims quickly when she frowns again "Just kidding, I swear that's not why I came. I… uh… I actually wanted to talk about… about last Saturday," He scratches his left arm with his right hand "Himuro and Kaneda… did they show up at the bakery on Wednesday?"

Tomori just nods in confirmation, feeling even more uncomfortable. Of course that was what he wanted to talk about. What else would it be about? She didn't even know if she wanted to hear the excuses he would give to justify his friend's behavior.

"Alright…," Rihito nods too, again rubbing his arms and shuddering "Did they tell you what they knew? Okay…," He swallows hard when Tomori nods again "Then I… I want to tell my side. What I saw and heard on Saturday and... and how that whole thing came about. If- If you want to hear it, I mean."

Tomori ponders for a moment. On one hand, she no longer wanted to dwell on a subject that was still painful. But on the other hand, she was talking to one of the only people who knew in detail what had happened that night and who could fill her in completely, solving all her doubts. She might regret sending him away now.

On Wednesday, she'd figured she'd like closure on this story. That she wished she could finish that chapter and turn the page. This could be the opportunity she had been waiting for. She sighs a little after thinking.

"I... I think you must be cold, don't you?"

"Me? What- No, I've been through way worse! Snow, ice, sun that burn your brains out and much more! A little rain like that is nothing to... yeah, I'm cold," He admits, his teeth chattering, when she didn't seem very impressed. And Tomori ends up not resisting, laughing softly.

"Ahaha, okay… wait here under the porch, I'll bring you a towel. Then we can come in and talk here in the living room.

"Alright! Thanks, Miss Uta... and dammit, Egghead would be pissed if he knew I was going to see the inside of the house of the chick he's into before he even does, hehehe," He gives a high-pitched laugh, and Tomori just rolls her eyes before opening the door and stepping inside.

When she returned, carrying a towel fresh out of the dryer, she found him in the doorway, hugging himself tightly, shivering, his lips a little purple. She immediately went to his aid, guilt taking the place of exasperation.

"Here. I'm sorry I made you wait outside, it's just..."

"It's just that you didn't want me dripping all over your floor, I know…," He nods, picking up the towel and immediately drying his wet hair. "Thanks…," He mutters, his chin trembling a little as he tries to dry the rest of his body. And when concluding that his soaked clothes would not help in this endeavor, he turns hesitantly to her, muttering, "Uh... would it be a problem if I...?"

“If you keep those clothes on,  you're going to get my floors wet, so no, no problem at all. We're all adults here, aren't we? C'mon, you can come in," She makes room for him to pass through the doorway, locking it as soon as he does.

"Excuse me...," Lihito makes a small bow and takes off his shoes, leaving them there by the door. He then lets out a heavy breath through his mouth, handing the towel back to her to remove his soaked sweatshirt as well. Unsurprisingly, he wore nothing underneath, and she chided herself as she quietly admired his muscles. Damn, there was a body that many bodybuilders would envy... and he was even wider than Okubo, who was taller and therefore had a more distributed mass...

And why the fuck was she analyzing that guy's physique like she was a judge in a bodybuilding competition, and all without getting Okubo out of her mind in the process?! Yeah, maybe her libido wasn't as far below zero as she'd thought.

She looked away, but apparently she wasn't fast enough because Rihito had arched an eyebrow in the middle of reaching out for the towel again.

"Hey, lady, I know it's hard for women to contain their instincts when I take off my clothes, but I really don't intend to back-stab my pal-"

"Do you want to go back under that downpour? If you do then just tell me," She grunts, blushing with embarrassment and anger, pointing to the door with her thumb. He widens his eyes and shakes his head vehemently.

"No! I was just joking, trying to lighten up the mood... sorry, but please don't throw me out. Not yet. I really want to talk, to explain some things, and I want to do it in the right way," he raises a hand as if he was making an oath. "I swear I'll behave."

"Hunf... I would apologize for not being able to believe you, but anyway...," She snorts with some sarcasm. And she regrets it a little when he looks away, again looking upset. But dammit, he couldn't blame her for thinking that way! He'd been proving to be the type of man she loathed the most since their first interactions, so he had no one to blame but himself for that. But her good manners spoke louder than her discomfort at the moment, and that made her sigh and continue, in a milder tone, "Look, I don't want to argue either. Just go put those soggy clothes in the dryer. It's in the bathroom upstairs, first door on the left. You can wear one of the robes that are in the laundry basket. But it's going to be small on you, so..."

"Got it. I promise I won't take my underwear off. Jus' kidding!," He exclaims when she gives him a warning look "Excuse me, I'll be right back," And he quickly goes up the stairs, Tomori following him suspiciously. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let him go upstairs alone, she didn't know him well enough to know how far his perversion went. But since seeing his pleading expression outside, she felt like she had nothing to worry about, against all good sense.

When Rihito returns, dry and wearing a robe that was indeed too small for him, she was already making the cookie dough in the kitchen, more to distract herself than anything else. He watches her, leaning against the door frame, looking very out of place.

"Uh… are you expecting someone?," He asks "Since you're baking and all..."

"No. I've just decided I'm in the mood for cookies today. And relax, these aren't the 'sissy' ones," She guarantees, looking at him over her shoulder with an arched eyebrow "They're the American ones, with chocolate chips. Nothing that could defy the sanctity of your manhood."

"... Ouch," He makes a face, then laughs embarrassed "I was already prepared to take some moral beatings when I decided to show up here, but damn, you hit harder than I imagined. Worthy of working in a place that calls itself the 'Heavy Bakery'...

"I told you, you don’t know me," She shrugs, trying to hide how his words had made her smile "Cooks have to be tough, especially women, otherwise we won’t survive in this industry…"

"Yeah, I saw it with my own eyes these days ago," He nods, crossing his arms "With those idiots and stuff… you handled them well before auntie went crazy on 'em.

"Yeah… and before they ganged up on me and almost lynched me, or worse," She comments casually, although the memory still made her stomach feel unpleasantly "I played tough and then needed to be rescued a few hours later..."

"Yeah, but you wouldn't give up without a fight, if that shattered bottle in your hand meant anything," He comments, and when Tomori doesn't resist and looks at him over his shoulder, he smiles. "I think we should expect this from someone who is so fanatical about martial arts… for that and because of all those posters on the walls back there…," He points at the living room over his shoulder, the corners of his mouth twitching, and Tomori puffs out her cheeks a little.

"Hey now, it's rude to judge the hostess's choice of interior design..."

"I wasn't judging! I was just curious because I know some of those guys... you really are a fan of Sekibayashi and Gaolang Wongsawat, huh? There are at least three posters of each of them, while the others only have one...," He comments, and Tomori blows a strand of hair away from her face as she stretches on tiptoe, trying to reach one of the highest cabinets above the counter.

"What, you counted them or something? What is with all this interest? Were you looking for someone specific, by any chance?"

"I was, actually," He admits, hesitating a little. "I could've sworn I’d find at least one poster of Okubo over there..."

She concentrated as hard as she could on trying to reach the topmost cupboard, not wanting to turn to him and let her expression betray her embarrassment, her sadness. Rihito would have found posters of Okubo, if he could somehow go back in time and visit her the week before last. But he wouldn't find them now, after she'd taken them off the walls and tucked them away in a drawer somewhere, so she wouldn't have to look into his face and have to remember the disappointment over and over again...

"Yeah, but you won't. Not after all that," She pants with the effort she was making "I'm not that much of a masochist, y'know."

She hears his heavy footsteps as he approaches her from behind. She hears his voice, which again sounds pleading as he says, “Look, I… I know you're mad at him, and I don't blame you, but... but if you listened to the whole story-"

"I don't need to hear the whole story to know that that was wrong!," She growls over her shoulder "That it was ridiculous, embarrassing and I didn't deserve to have gone through that!"

“Nobody's saying otherwise, Miss Uta. But... what if I told you that it wasn't one hundred percent his fault? What... what if someone else had a hand in what happened?," He made that embarrassed face again, and Tomori was not impressed.

"Please, Rihito, don't give me that shit. It'll look like he's trying to blame everyone but himself, and that you're just enabling him. Who else was to blame?," She rolls her eyes, and that's when she sees his arm, reaching above her head and opening the cabinet for her. She cranes her neck, looking up, finding his green eyes staring back at her, full of embarrassment.

"Me."

"... What?," She blinks. And he swallows loudly, seeming to be trying really hard to keep looking into her eyes.

"I was... I was the one who convinced Okubo to drink, before your date."

Tomori stares at him as if she doesn't quite understand. Rihito finally couldn't bear to hold her gaze any longer, diverting it to the cabinet he had just opened, trying to change the subject by saying, "Uh... so, what- what did you want to get in there anyway? There's a bunch of chocolate chips and sprinkle bags, which one-"

"Wait a minute, what- what did you say?," She turns completely to him, leaving the bowl full of cookie dough aside "You convinced him to drink? What do you mean?"

"Uuh...," He takes two steps back, cringing a little, as if the much smaler woman was in fact intimidating him. He then sighs heavily "Okay, I'll get real with you. That's what I came for anyway... Okubo showed up at that bar where you dropped him off a couple of hours before your date. I wasn't expecting him, I swear we hadn't arranged anything," He assures, waving his hands a little "I even asked what he was doing there, if you had canceled the date or something, but he said that you didn''. He didn't go into detail, but... he 'was very anxious. Like, really nervous, to the point of sweating."

"Nervous? With what?," She inquires, distressed, approaching him in two quick strides "I didn't give him any reason to be nervous! Unless...he- he wasn't regretting asking me out, was he?," She asks, her stomach dropping unpleasantly, and why, why was she caring so much when shit had already hit the fan?!

"No! On the contrary, it was precisely the fear of doing something stupid and disappointing you that made him nervous," Rihito assures, again waving his hands "I really don't know why he got so anxious, he didn't want to go into details, but I I couldn't stand watching him just  bitching and expecting the worst from himself. So I...," He scratches the back of his head "I suggested he drink with me. Y'know? Just a few sips...," He opens a mortified smile, as if wanting to soften the blow. And as one might imagine, he wasn't able to.

“How- how could you suggest such a thing to him?!," She can't help but squeal, astonished, gesticulating nervously "You don't drink before a date, it's basic common sense! And he still went to accept it quickly like this..."

"No, it wasn't like that! He was hesitant at first, he didn't want to drive after drinking and neither that you'd smell booze on him and became mad because of it," Lihito shrinks a little "I was the one who insisted until he gave in. And we both never know when to stop, so... one thing led to another...," He can't finish the thought, very embarrassed and again barely able to look into Tomori's eyes, since she'd gone from pale to red with rage in the blink of an eye.

"If you knew that, why did you insist that he drink? What were you thinking?!," She screeches indignantly, and he blushes.

"Well, I... I kinda wasn't thinking to begin with..."

"But why? What did you intend with that?!," She demands to know, a possibility popping into her mind and making her even angrier "Was it on purpose? You couldn't accept that I rejected you and that's why you decided to sabotage my date? Sabotage your own friend?!"

"No! Honestly, Okubo and you were made for each other, you're both crazy-ass paranoids and- aaargh, no, I didn't come here to argh with you!," He interrupts himself, grabbing his hair and growling in frustration "I would never do such a shitty thing to one of my pals, do you hear me? Never! All I did was try to help! I just wanted him to relax, let go a little and forget about whatever was causing all that anxiety, because with him nervous like that, he could do something stupid that'd screw the whole date up..."

"And that's exactly what happened!," She opens her arms dramatically "He did screw the whole date up! And all because of something he could have discussed with me, if it was really getting to him...," The volume of her voice dies along with her will to continue ranting, her arms hanging limply on either side of her torso, her expression collapsing as her eyes began to sting. Shit, shit, she had thought she was starting to heal, to come to terms with what had happened so she could move on, but her certainties had been abruptly shattered again, courtesy of the overzealous man who was now staring at her in a mix of disbelief, worry and remorse. She shakes her head, sniffling, "I... I don't know what to think anymore, I really don't..."

"Think that he didn't want to do any of that to begin with! This was all my idea, Miss Uta," Rihito touches his own chest, leaning a little towards her, speaking in a hurried, somewhat desperate tone "I told him to drink with me, I insisted when he hesitated, and I couldn't stop him when I saw that he was going to far! I... I just wanted to help, I just... I just wanted things to work out for him, for you two... but I just screwed everything up...," He swallows hard, and Tomori feels her traitorous heart ache to see his devastated expression.

"Rihito..."

"No, please, don't try to comfort me! It's just going to make me feel even shittier," He asks, his voice a bit squeaky "You should be pissed at me, like Okubo was. So please, Miss Uta, if you're going to hate someone, hate me! Not him!," He makes an exaggerated bow, making her start a little "Much of the blame for what happened was mine! If it wasn't for my stupid-ass idea, your date would have worked out, you would still be seeing each other and Okubo wouldn't be pissed at me right now-"

"Wait, wait!," She interrupts him, astonished. "Mr. Okubo… is pissed at you? Because... because of what happened?"

"Well… yeah," He nods, looking up pleadingly at her "He sort of blamed me for what happened. He also accused me of trying to sabotage your date... then I got pissed off, and we ended up fighting. At the time I just wanted to cave his fuckin' face in, make him even uglier than he already is... but now I just keep thinking about how he must be feeling. He was a mess that Sunday. Devastated. He almost cried in front of us..."

Tomori wanted to reply that that wasn't her problem. But the words just wouldn't come out of her mouth. She remembered when she heard him arrive at the bakery the day after their disastrous date, she remembered how Kanami said he let himself be punched, the text messages and calls she ignored... and if he wasn't talking to Rihito or to any of his friends in the meantime...

"Himuro and Kaneda... they also said they didn't hear much from him during the week...," She comments hesitantly, and Rihito nods slowly

“Yeah, he- he hasn't called any of us since last Sunday. He had never been like this before, isolating himself like that... and that's why I came here," He again makes that devastated expression that made her heart ache, even bowing even more while asking, "Please, Miss Uta, talk to him! You don't have to forgive him, that was totally unjustified, but at least listen to what he has to say!"

Tomori instinctively places a hand on her chest, taking a step back away from him, conflicting desires making her stomach roil anxiously. She didn't want to see Okubo... at least not until that moment. But now, with the things Rihito had revealed to her, with this new knowledge that he hadn't ruined their date out of sheer negligence on his part...

"... You know you're demanding a lot from the person who was most harmed in this situation, right?," she asks hesitantly, and he nods sheepishly.

"I know, and I'm really sorry for that. But it's just that I can't think of any other way to help that idiot pull himself together. I know he needs this, if only to have some closure and be able to move on. And… I'm sorry if I sound like a cocky ass, but I think you need it too," He faces her again "You want to at least hear his side of the story, don't you? And to be able to tell him how you're feeling too. I don't think either of you will be able to be at peace until you're face to face with each other, talking about what happened."

Tomori wanted to say that he really was being a cocky ass when he said those things, but if she did, she would be lying. She hugs herself, looking down at the kitchen floor.

“I… fuck, I do. I want to better understand what happened and to listen to his explanations, but... but I'm afraid," She admits, closing her eyes tightly "I'm afraid to get my hopes up and then getting hurt all over again, depending on what he tells me..."

"I know, and that's why I'm saying that you don't have to forgive him or anything. But...," He seems to measure his words, considering the time it took until he spoke again "But I don't think that will happen. I'm sure he would do anything to listen to you, understand how you're feeling and find a way to make up for all the shit he's done. Because... I've never seen him like that before, Miss Uta. Not because of a girl..."

“I… yeah, maybe my rejection was the most violent he's ever got,” she says, embarrassed, but shuts up when Rihito shakes his head.

"It's not just that. I had never seen him like that, period. Since you two met, I mean. I had never seen him so fascinated, so determined to do everything he could to impress, win someone over... and I've seen several attempts on his part. Like, a shit ton of 'em. I know that because it's been almost five years since we've been partying together, haha...," He laughs nervously "That we hit on chicks together... that we get rejected together. And we are the type to recover quickly from these rejections. Only this time it's different. This time everything was going to work out, and he... we screwed everything up. After everything he's done, after going to that sugar shack just to see you, after learning how to cook rice balls to surprise you at work, after dragging Himuro, Kaneda and me with him because he wanted someone to reassure him that he was doing everything right... the thought that he destroyed all of this with a single mistake must be tearing him apart. And nothing, none of this would be happening, not even these attempts and this depression, if he didn't really like you. I know that dumbass, Miss Uta," He says, more serious than she's ever seen him since she met him. "So no one else can be as sure of that as I am."

Tomori can only stare at him, feeling her eyes sting. Her more rational side knew better than to cling to his words with such fervor, because he was interceding for his friend and he could say anything to sweeten her up and make her easier to manipulate. But her more sentimental side couldn't see all that malice in those big, expressive, child-like eyes. All she could see was a giant willingness, even an acceptance with the possibility of humiliating himself, all to fix his own mistakes.

And she wondered if Okubo was as willing as he was. She decided she wanted to believe so. As much as that made her vulnerable again, susceptible to being hurt, to being disappointed all over again, she felt like she wanted to take that risk. She felt that she wouldn't be able to stay at peace and accept whatever it was if she didn't talk things through with the one who'd caused all that mess in the first place.

That's the only reason she wanted to see him, she tries to convince herself. Just for closure, nothing else...

"I…," She swallows hard, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I don't know if I can do this now. I don't know if I'm ready to face him yet..."

"It's fine. No pressure," He flashes an anxious smile, and she suspects he was fighting the urge to indeed pressure her "It's complicated stuff, I'm aware. It's just... it's been a week since we've even looked each other in the face. I... I miss him... uuugh!," He puts his right hand over his face, grunting as he blushes "Now I sound like a fucking fag! Okubo's going to owe me big time, I swear...!"

Tomori doesn't resist, letting out a nasal laugh that evolves into a loud snort, quickly covering her mouth as he stares at her, half stunned, half embarrassed. He snorts too, looking away.

"Grunf… I’m not pissed only because it's better to see you laughing than to see you angry or crying."

"Okay, that was very sweet of you," She clears her throat, trying to control her laughter, and then smiles "Look, Rihito… I can't promise you anything about the conversation with Mr. Okubo. I don't even know what will happen when that time comes... but the fact that you convinced me to give him a chance to explain himself already means a lot. You're a nice guy, y’know? More than I imagined."

She expected him to swell up like a balloon at her comment, or to smirk, all full of himself. But what he did was blink, a little dazed, looking delighted with what she'd said, and she wondered how many compliments like that he used to receive to be fascinated as if she'd presented him with gold. Damn, how could he look so cute when making such a face?

"Wow… thanks, Miss Uta," He smiles from ear to ear. "It's really nice to hear that coming from a girl, for a change. And you know what that makes me think?"

"What?"

"That friend of yours certainly deserves the opportunity to go out with such a nice guy, who you yourself recommend!"

Aaand there went the affectionate warmth that had settled in her chest, turning into a physical pain when she rolled her eyes hard. She snorts, turning her back on him, returning her attention to the cookie dough bowl.

"God, I guess I should've expected that. Don't make me want to change my mind, c'mon..."

"Sorry! I- I got carried away, but I swear I'll shut my mouth! Unless...," He looks at the cabinet, smiling shyly at her "Do you still want what's inside that cabinet?"

She glances at him over her shoulder, arching an eyebrow. And then she smiles back.

"I want the chocolate chip bag. The red one. And you? Do you want to eat cookies?"

"Your sissy cookies? Always!"

She laughs again. "Then please help me. They won't bake themselves..."

* * *

The rain only stopped a few hours later, leaving a cool and pleasant breeze to soften the summer heat. The sun was going down in the sky, Rihito's clothes had dried, and with that it was time for him to leave. Tomori escorts him to the gate, unlocking it for him.

"You're not used to automatic gates, are you? I almost called the police and accused you of breaking and entering,” She laughs, and he snorts, blushing a little.

"It wasn't on purpose, dammit! I saw you going through the gate, then I panicked and ran after you. When I saw the gate closing behind me, it was already too late. That can stay just between us, right?," He smiles a litle, adjusting the box he was carrying under his right arm. "But seriously, thanks for giving me the leftover cookies, Miss Uta. It's another thing I'll be able to rub in Egghead's face, the fact that I got a box of cookies from the girl he's into while he had to pay for his, hehehe."

"He had to pay because Kanny would've never let me give bakery products like that, for free, without being sampled. And consider this box a thank you for helping me," She gives him a friendly pat on the arm "Both for helping me with the baking and for helping me decide what I'm going to do."

“Heh, you're welcome. I came here for this. I just thought you'd be a lot more furious with me when you found out...," He comments, and Tomori shakes her head.

“I kinda was. For a moment. But I later concluded that your actions, while stupid, were not malicious. You wanted to help your friend, even if it was in the wrong way. And...," She gets serious. "That doesn't exempt him from blame. He could have refused to drink, but he didn't. It's not right for him to single you out as the only culprit like that."

"Yeah... but he was sad and pissed off at the time. You don't think straight when you're hungover, with your head throbbing from a right hook," He leaves through the gate, turning to her as he sets foot on the sidewalk. "It's nice to see how protective auntie is with her employees. Okubo holds no grudges, I'm sure of that."

"She’s one of my best friends, not just my boss. She really cares about everyone who works there," Tomori assures him with conviction "And even she was taken aback when he let himself be punched…"

“He knew he deserved it. He knew it was the least he could do, after what he'd done. And that's why I think he deserves to be able to at least explain himself. He accepted being pummeled, hoping it would help you feel a little better. A fuckin' simp, am I right?," He asks playfully, to which she shakes her head again, smiling exasperatedly.

“I don't know, but whether it's enough or not is for me to decide. Well... that was fun, Rihito. Thanks for the company," She takes a couple of steps back, waving. "Enjoy your cookies. You've earned them. Your intercession was successful."

He swells with pride again, smiling from ear to ear.

"You can bet I will! And... I'm the one who has to thank you. For not giving up on him that easily. He's right, you're really cute, haha."

Tomori blushes hard, dismissing him with a blunt wave of her arm.

"Oh, you...! Just go away, shoo! You human golden retriever..."

He laughs out loud .

"Okay, okay. See you when the urge to eat baked goods hit. Until then, Miss Uta!"

"See ya…," She waves again, and after returning the gesture, he leaves, walking along the rain-soaked pavement while whistling a happy tune. Apparently the conversation had done them both good. Tomori smiles to herself. She was going to need all that positivity to face what was yet to come.

She turns to go into the house, and as she locks the door behind her, she pulls out her phone and clicks on Akane's contact, who had left a few messages over the past few hours.

Panther:

girl be careful

don’t let he see where your house is

send me a message later so I know you arrived well

Tomori?

girl how can you say these things to me and then fuckin disappear????

do you wanna kill me or something??

now I'm going to stay here, wondering if this weirdo did something to you

Despite her guilt, Tomori can't help but laugh, typing a quick reply.

Wolfie:

girl I'm here

don’t get your tits in a tangle lol

I'm sorry I didn't reply, but you don't have to worry

the weirdo didn't do shit to me

he definitely didn't

And with that cryptic note she closed the phone, sighing. She set it aside while she went to take a bath, delaying the inevitable. Because there was one more contact who deserved to receive a message from her.

NEXT CHAPTER

[ave-immaculata]

who are your favorite saints? i’ve been a catholic all my life but i never really knew that much about many of them. after doing some deeper research my favorites are probably st catherine of siena, st michael the archangel, st francis of Assisi, and st dominic savio

Ahh I'm so glad to hear you're exploring and learning more about our heavenly family! I love St. Michael the Archangel, but I don't know St. Dominic Savio yet.

I have a lot of beloved Saints because I've always needed a lot of prayers. That said, I don't feel as close to them as I did earlier on in my journey. I think I've very much settled into a rhythm of resting with Our Lady and St. Joseph because of how important they are to me and the unique honour they have among the Saints, The rest sort of lovingly interject themselves. It's very sweet actually; I have a special place in my heart for a lot of Saints but because of that, having a strong relationship with them individually sort of comes in waves. Right now a big wave seems to be St. Gabriel of the Sorrowful mother to help me in my pride, but when I was really struggling with the death of a certain person and the impact they'd had on my life, St. Maria Goretti was right there with me.

My Confirmation Saint is St. Veronica (the hemorrhaging woman in the Gospels and, in Sacred Tradition, the woman who wiped Christ's face with her veil while He was carrying the Cross) because of an experience I had during the Holy Rosary and in meditative prayer on some childhood trauma. I don't necessarily feel particularly close to her relationally, but I often ask for her intercession. A similar case with St. Jude. St. Andre Bessette and Bl. Solanus Casey are very important to me, and an old friend I haven't spoken much with is St. Elizabeth of the Trinity. Honestly, I have a personal litany of Saints I pull out sometimes that I could share if you're interested, just because so many Saints have been such wonderful friends at different points in my walk with God. I also still ask for my ex's grandmother's intercession because I'm convinced she was a Saint.

But yeah, although I have lot of Saints I pray with, I definitely feel closest to St. Joseph. Of all the Saints, I genuinely feel a relationship with him and a presence about him that I don't encounter elsewhere. I can't quite articulate the role his intercession has had on me properly. I love him so much,

[thewahookid]

A Special Announcement!!

During the Apparition to Marija yesterday,

Our Lady asked Marija to invite us all

to meet on Apparition Hill today,

January 1, 2024,

to pray together with Marija

from 3:00pm until 6:00pm.

Mary TV will live stream this time of prayer!

Join us at www.marytv.tv

January 1, 2024

Solemnity of Mary, the Holy Mother of God

Dear Family of Mary!

Today we honor and praise Our Lady, Mary the Mother of God! The Father chose her from all of creation to be the Mother of His Son, Jesus. We cannot fathom the wonder of Mary, chosen to be the Mother of Christ. But we can contemplate it. It is very helpful for us to allow the Holy Spirit to expand our minds to begin the glimmer this heavenly reality.

Here is a short explanation from Magnificat that is very good for us to ponder:

The Greatness of the Mother of God

Our Lady is the Mother of God because Jesus Christ who was born of her is God. To Jesus Christ she gave what every mother gives to the child that is born of her, and for which she is called the child’s mother. Our Lady is the Mother of God just as truly, as fully, as literally, and exactly as every other mother is the mother of her child. By reason of her divine motherhood and the special relation in which this places her to the Blessed Trinity, Our Lady was necessarily a creature apart and unique from the very first moment of her existence. To make her worthy of her marvelous destiny in every way, God so created her soul that from the first instant of its existence it was filled with grace. Our Lady then, by this special intervention of God, applying to her by anticipation the merits of the Passion yet to come, was conceived untouched by the sinful legacy of the Fall.

As Our Lady was thus unique in her creation in grace, so is her place and role unique in the glory of heaven. Thanks to her actual kinship with God according to his human nature, there is a union between Our Lady and God that no other saint can come to, and because of this union her power of intercession is unique. So much so that it is the common teaching of theologians that God has so disposed things that whatever graces are granted to mankind are granted through Our Lady’s intercession….

We do not adore Our Lady, but the honor we give her is greater than the honor we give the saints. “The Blessed Virgin,” says Saint Thomas Aquinas, “from the fact that she is the Mother of God, derives a dignity that is in a way infinite from the infinite good that is God. And in this sense just as there cannot exist anything better than God so there could not be made anything better than herself.” Between this most glorious of all God’s creatures and the rest of us there is moreover this special link: In a very real sense, she is the Mother of us all. For Our Lady is the Mother of him whom Holy Scripture calls the firstborn among many brethren (Rom 8:29). And he, when dying, giving her to be the Mother of the beloved disciple Saint John, foretold and created her role as Mother of all Christians. Such are the reasons and the origin of the immense place Our Lady occupies in the daily life of every Catholic.

- Monsignor Philip Hughes (Magnificat - January 2024)

And here is a message from Our Lady in which she shared about her motherhood with Mirjana:

February 2, 2020 "Dear children, by the act of the decision and love of God, I am chosen to be the Mother of God and your mother. But also by my will and my immeasurable love for the Heavenly Father and my complete trust in Him, my body was the chalice of the God-man. I was in the service of truth, love and salvation, as I am now among you to call you, my children, apostles of my love, to be carriers of truth; to call you to spread His words, the words of salvation, by your will and love for my Son: that with your actions you may show, to all those who have not come to know my Son, His love. You will find strength in the Eucharist - my Son who feeds you with His Body and strengthens you with His Blood. My children, fold your hands [in prayer] and look at the Cross in silence. In this way, you are drawing faith to be able to transmit it; you are drawing truth to be able to discern; you are drawing love that you may know to love truly. My children, apostles of my love, fold your hands [in prayer], look at the Cross. Only in the Cross is salvation. Thank you."

I know this is a lot to read, but on this day, we can give Our Lady the time it takes, to get to know her better! She is Our Mother too!! God bless! And don't forget to join us on Apparition Hill today at 3:00 pm Medjugorje time to pray with our Mother!!!

(Our Daily Rosary with Denis and Cathy will be live at 2:00 pm Medj time today)

In Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

Cathy Nolan

(c) Mary TV 2024

Mary TV. Inc. | www.marytv.tv

[pizza-ra-bizza]

IN THE ROOM OF THE DYING MAN

Bishop Agilbert was buried in 680 in the funeral chapel he had built, next to the monastery where he was to retire and die, in Jouarre. His sarcophagus is still there. What do we see there? On one of the smaller sides, the Christ in glory, surrounded by the four evangelists, that is the image - taken from the Apocalypse - of the Christ returning at the end of time. On the contiguous side, longer, the resurrection of the dead at the end of time: the elect standing, with their arms raised, acclaim the Christ of the great return, who holds a scroll in his hand, the "Book of life". (1) There is neither judgment nor damnation. This image corresponds to the common eschatology of the early centuries of Christianity: the dead who belonged to the Church and had entrusted their bodies to her (that is, had entrusted them to the saints) fell asleep like the seven sleepers of Ephesus ("pausantes", "in somno pacis ") and rested (" requiescant ") until the day of the second advent, of the great return, when they would awaken in the heavenly Jerusalem, that is, in Paradise. There was no room, in this conception, for an individual responsibility, for a balance of good and bad deeds. No doubt the wicked, those who don't they belonged to the Church, they would not survive death, they would not awaken and they would be abandoned to non-being. A whole almost biological people, the people of the saints, was thus assured of glorious survival, after a long wait in sleep. In the twelfth century, the scene changes. In the carved tympanums of the Romanesque churches, in Beaulieu or Conques, the glory of Christ, inspired by the vision of the Apocalypse, still dominates. But below a new iconography appears, inspired by Matthew, the resurrection of the dead, the separation between the righteous and the damned: the judgment (in Conques, on the halo of Christ, a word is written: "Judex"), St. Michael archangel who weighs souls. (2) In the thirteenth century, the apocalyptic inspiration, the evocation of the great return was almost canceled. (3) The idea of ​​judgment has had the upper hand, and what is being represented is a real court of justice. Christ is seated on the judge's throne, surrounded by his court (the apostles). Two actions take on ever greater importance, the weighing of souls and the intercession of the Virgin and Saint John, kneeling, with their hands joined, on either side of the Christ-judge. Each man is judged according to the "balance of his life", good and bad deeds are scrupulously separated on the two sides of the scales. After all, they have already been written in a book. In the magnificent clamor of the "Dies Irae", the Franciscan authors of the thirteenth century have the book brought before the judge of the last day, a book which contains everything according to which the world will be judged. "Liber scriptus proferetur In quo totum continetur Unde mundus judicetur". This book, the "liber vitae", could at first be conceived as the formidable census of the universe, a cosmic book. But, at the end of the Middle Ages, it became the individual account book. In Albi, in the large fresco from the end of Fifteenth century or beginning of the sixteenth century which depicts the Last Judgment, (4) the resurrected wear it around their neck, like an identity document, or rather as a "balance sheet" of accounts to be presented at the gates of eternity. Curiously, the moment in which this balance - or "balance" - closes, is not the moment of death, but the "dies illa", the last day of the world at the end of time. Here we note the inveterate refusal to assimilate the end of being to physical dissolution. There was a belief in a beyond death which did not necessarily reach infinite eternity, but which constituted an extension between death and the end of time. Thus the idea of ​​the Last Judgment is linked, in my opinion, to that of an individual biography, but this biography ends only at the end of time, and not yet at the hour of death.

[mcx7demonbros]

November 1st ~ ALL SAINTS’ DAY

An excerpt taken from Chapter 8 of My Catholic Faith!

The Church Triumphant: Those who have gone before us and now share in the glories of Heaven, in the Beatific Vision, are not gone. Sure, we do not see them, and we cannot necessarily hear them speak to us in the physical way they did while on Earth. But they are not gone at all. Saint Thérèse of Lisieux said it best when she said, “I want to spend my Heaven doing good on Earth.”

The saints in Heaven are in full union with God and make up the Communion of Saints in Heaven, the Church Triumphant! What’s important to note, however, is that even though they are enjoying their eternal reward, they are still very much concerned about us.

The saints in Heaven are entrusted with the important task of intercession. Sure, God already knows all our needs, and He could ask us to go directly to Him in our prayers. But the truth is that God wants to use the intercession, and, therefore, the mediation of the saints in our lives. He uses them to bring our prayers to Him and, in return, to bring His grace to us. They become powerful intercessors for us and participators in God’s divine action in the world.

Why is this the case? Again, why doesn’t God just choose to deal with us directly rather than go through intermediaries? Because God wants all of us to share in His good work and to participate in His divine plan. It would be like a dad who buys a nice necklace for his wife. He shows it to his young children, and they are excited about this gift. The mom comes in and the dad asks the children to bring the gift to her. Now the gift is from her husband, but she will most likely thank her children first for their participation in giving this gift to her. The father wanted the children to be part of this giving, and the mother wanted to make the children a part of her receiving and gratitude. So it is with God! God wants the saints to share in the distribution of His manifold gifts. And this act fills His heart with joy!

The saints also give us a model of holiness. The charity they lived on Earth lives on. The witness of their love and sacrifice was not just a one-time act in history. Rather, their charity is a living reality and continues to have an effect for the good. Therefore, the charity and witness of the saints lives on and affects our lives. This charity in their lives creates a bond with us, a communion. It enables us to love them, admire them and want to follow their example. It is this, coupled with their continuing intercession, which establishes a powerful bond of love and union with us.

Litany of the Saints (in Latin with English subtitles)

[richmond-rex]

Elizabeth Woodville in the Guildbook of the London Skinners' Fraternity of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary (GL MS 31692 — c.1472)

Marian associations, no longer necessarily identified with intercession, persisted into the fifteenth century, not only in the words of the pageant scripts but also in the painted images of queens. The most explicit instance of the latter is a picture of Elizabeth Woodville in the records of the Skinners of London, produced in the 1470s to record her membership of their fraternity of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary. In this image Elizabeth wears a red dress beneath a blue cloak with loose blonde hair beneath a crown. This was the attire in which the Virgin Mary was most commonly depicted, the red symbolizing her earthly nature and the blue her heavenly attributes, the loose blonde hair suggestive of her virginity. In the Skinners' picture Elizabeth was also surrounded by roses and gillyflowers, which were both flowers associated with the Virgin; the rose particularly with her virginity and the gillyflower with her purity and her motherhood. Elizabeth's blue cloak is spread wide like that of Mary as Mother of Mercy, a parallel emphasized by an alteration on this page in the title of the fraternity to read 'oure Fraternite of oure blissed Lady and Moder of Mercy Sanct Mary Virgyn the Moder of God' (x)(x).

[nanshe-of-nina]

Favorite History Books || Three Medieval Queens: Queenship and the Crown in Fourteenth-Century England by Lisa Benz St. John ★★★★☆

Edward III intended to bury his consort with all the honor suitable for a member of the royal family. Philippa was interred in Westminster Abbey, following the observance of her wedding anniversary. The death of Philippa marked the end of a 70-year period in which the practice of queenship was continuous. There would not be another queen for 13 years, and in that time it seems as if the practice of queenship began to change.

But what did it mean to be a queen in the fourteenth century? This book has shown that the queen held a place all her own, which was determined by her gender, her status, and her role in the royal family. Gender and status were inextricably linked because her gender made her a wife and mother to kings, and these roles dictated her place within medieval society. Consequently, her place in the social structure was determined by the biological aspects of gender. Gender enabled all women to become mothers because the biology of pregnancy and birth, and the symbolic power gained from those characteristics, belonged only to women. Nevertheless, the agency employed in transforming ascribed power to achieved power was not necessarily gendered. Kings utilized their children in dynastic maneuverings in the same way that queens could use their children to spread their influence, secure their authority, or even govern in the absence of the king. Likewise, the ideological emphasis on intercession and influence was also a consequence of gender roles. Both men and women acted as intercessors, but it was a duty especially emphasized for women because sometimes it was the primary avenue open to them. Since queens did not consistently hold positions within government—they did not always act as an administrator for the king—intercession was one way queens could have a significant impact on political activity. Similarly, noblewomen did not always hold their land in jointure, so they too interceded in this way with their husbands. Men, on the other hand, could not only intercede with the king, but also had many more opportunities for roles in government.

However, this is where the queen’s similarity to other noblewomen— her closest female equivalents—ends. The independence associated with her status was different from that of her other female counterparts. She received her lands through her marriage, and she held those lands in the same way as a male lord who held a life grant from the king. Holding land in the same way as a male head of household meant that the king could not interfere with the queen’s landholdings to any greater extent than he did with those of other noblemen who held land from him. It was the queen’s status as an independent landlord that allowed her to execute her authority over the administration of her household and estates. As a lord, the queen extended her patronage through appointments on her estates and in her household. Other married women of the landed elite were not able to exercise this level of direct authority over their estates because they held them jointly with their husbands. It is tempting to assume that jointure gave women equal authority on these estates, but this was not the case. Holding land in jointure with one’s husband did not automatically designate the wife as an equal partner in administering land. The common law prevented married women from controlling real and moveable property or any income from these lands during their marriages. Noblewomen only managed estates in their husband’s absence, or as widows.

However, being the king’s wife meant that the queen enjoyed privileges that even the earls did not. She had access to the king and crown, which she could manipulate to increase her influence and authority. When she could not use her land as a source of patronage, she could extend her patronage through intercession with the crown. All members of the upper echelons of medieval society acted as intercessors; it was part of being a good lord. Nevertheless, because her husband was the king, intercession gave the queen access to the most important sources of patronage in the realm. She also had the full backing of the crown’s apparatus behind her, making her one of the most formidable magnates. When Philippa came into financial difficulties, she could call upon the king’s resources to relieve her of her debts. When there were complaints against Isabella’s ministers, they had to be brought before the king’s council instead of the common law courts. Her status as the king’s wife also put her in standing to hold positions in the royal government. The queen had to be expressly appointed to some positions, such as keeper of the great seal. On the other hand, other positions, such as keeper or administrator of the realm, were inherent to the office of queenship and did not require articulation. In these terms, her gender and her status were not limiting. They allowed her the potential to be the most privileged woman and one of the most advantaged among the male landed elite. The only other male members of elite society who might have had similar prerogatives were the other members of the royal family.

[hats-off-to-hermes]

I'm not sure if you do devotional actions for saints as well as angels. But if you do, do you have any ideas for prayers/actions for St. Edith Stein/Teresa Benedicta?

Devotional Acts for St. Edith Stein - Teresa Benedicta

Here are some acts for St Edith based on her life! Thanks for this request

🌟 Read and learn about St Teresa of Avila

🌟 Read and learn about St Thomas Aquinas

🌟 Devote nursing or education learnings to St. Edith

🌟 Study Catholic philosophy

🌟 Study phenomenology

🌟 Pray for the health of your loved ones

🌟 Pray for your loved and close ones to have the dedication for a strong education

🌟 Off the study theme, you can seek to join or start a small faith study group. Not necessarily bible study, but even other devotional literature

🌟 Be inspired to be a seeker of truth

🌟 If you grew up religious, dropped religion, and then are returning to faith, St Edith is a nice saint to look into and pray for her intercession

🌟 Learn about empathy in a psychological manner, religious manner and implement it into your everyday thinking

🌟 Prayers of St. Edith:

O Prince of Peace, to all who receive You, You bright light and peace.  Help me to live in daily contact with You, listening to the words You have spoken and obeying them.  O Divine Child, I place my hands in Yours; I shall follow You.  Oh, let Your divine life flow into me.

O my God, fill my soul with holy joy, courage and strength to serve You.  Enkindle Your love in me and then walk with me along the next stretch of road before me.  I do not see very far ahead, but when I have arrived where the horizon now closes down, a new prospect will open before me and I shall meet with peace.

[apenitentialprayer]

This upcoming Saturday, September 4th, is the first Saturday of the month. There is a Catholic devotion, called the Five First Saturdays, that encourages acts of reparation to be made for Christ and Mary. This devotion has a threefold purpose; first, as mentioned, it is an act of reparation against blasphemies made against Christ’s Mother: denial of her Immaculate Conception, of her perpetual virginity, of her status as Mother of God; promoting indifference to or even scorn of Mary; and the dishonoring or desecration of her images. Second, it is said to ensure her protection and assistance at the hour of death to all who participate. We pray for this whenever we pray the Hail Mary, but this is a different and deeper kind of participation in this universal request of the Church. Third, it is a means of assisting in the salvation of other souls and an act of intercession for the cause of world peace. It is this last aspect that I especially want to harp in on, because starting this devotion this month will lead to a special occurence:

If you start the First Saturdays Devotion on September 4th, 2021, you will finish this devotion on January 1st, 2022.

Can you think of a better way of starting next year than finishing an act of devotion meant to bring peace and universal brotherhood into our world? The past two years have been rough on all of us. Let’s try to bring something good into the world next year. Let’s start things off right, from the very first day. All you have to do to complete this devotion is to do the following with the intention of offering them as reparation to the Immaculate Heart:

Go to Confession within eight days (before or after) the first Saturday of the month.

Receive Communion on the first Saturday of the month.

Pray five decades of the Rosary (any set you want) on that day, ideally but not necessarily before or after Mass.

Spend at least 15 minutes in prayerful meditation, spending that time to think about the mysteries of the Rosary (either a single one or multiple).

Let’s try to get as many Catholics to do this as possible.

[yamayuandadu]

Why do you like Ninshubur? 👍

From a research perspective? Ninshubur's relevance is one of the best documented aspects of private, informal religion, which is a very interesting topic. In inscriptions from the Ur III period she reached a status comparable to Nergal or Ninurta just by playing the role of an accessible middle(wo)man for prayers and other functions like that. The parallel between sukkals and spouses in terms of role in cult fascinates me too, their roles in intercession overlap. I am also interested in whether the "Shubur" in her name really was interpreted as "Hurrian" rather than "servant" like Wiggermann and a few other authors suggest, especially since most of the recent research seems to highlight that Hurrians, despite speaking own language etc., were not necessarily seen as "the other" by Mesopotamians. As a character in myths? It honestly boils down to there being very few myths which are 1. about friendship between female characters 2. fun adventure. The unintended gay subtext is a bonus, as are various quirks like the stuttering in the Agushaya hymn.

[dwellordream]

“Military diplomacy was another area of war where noblewomen sometimes took a leading role. The term ‘diplomacy’ in this case refers to negotiations undertaken either to find peace between two warring sides or in order to forge an alliance. Many noblewomen had a significant role to play in the diplomatic process and an interest in successfully completing the negotiation process. However, the limited military role most noblewomen enjoyed meant that in practise female diplomacy in the Middle Ages was affected only by royal, or other similarly highly placed women whose importance, symbolic or otherwise, compelled their inclusion in the negotiations.

Several instances of diplomacy stand out in this regard. During the Investiture Controversy, for example, Matilda of Tuscany pursued diplomacy alongside her military support of the reform papacy. At the Lenten Synod in 1075 she tried to ease tensions in a bitter dispute between Gregory and Censius Stephani, a noted enemy of the reform papacy, by calling for clemency on Censius’ behalf, after he was arrested and sentenced to death. The following year at the Synod of Worms Matilda and Pope Gregory were accused by the Emperor Henry of an overly intimate and improper sexual relationship. Matilda and the pope responded by toning down the frequency of their correspondence and thenceforth only communicating through legates, thus stifling any further allegations of misconduct and illustrating a diplomatic solution by Matilda to another potential source of conflict.

Most well- known of all were Matilda’s efforts in negotiating a truce between pope and emperor at her castle of Canossa in January 1077. The fortress itself and the protection offered by her troops undoubtedly encouraged Gregory to meet with the emperor when he otherwise would not have; moreover, Matilda’s personal efforts to convince the pope to receive Henry after his three day penance outside the gates and her sponsoring of the final agreement played a major part in achieving a peaceful accord.

Noblewomen were also diplomatically active in the French and Anglo- Norman domains. Adela of Blois (c.1067-1137), countess of Blois, Chartres, and Meaux, was known for her efforts in reconciling a conflict between Anselm, Archbishop of Canterbury, and King Henry I in 1104, by arranging a face-to-face negotiation that resulted in their eventual reconciliation. Adela was also active in creating an Anglo-Norman-Thibaudian alliance against Louis VI in the early 1110s, after he threatened Thibaudian autonomy in the Chartrain by revoking castle-building privileges and claiming certain ecclesiastical properties. A few years later Adela played a pivotal role in helping King Henry I’s negotiator Thurstan (Archbishop of York) reach a favourable settlement resolving Henry’s dispute with King Louis.

Blanche of Castile (1188-1252) was likewise active in negotiating treaties that helped to ensure royal power in the north of France while ruling as regent for her son, Louis IX. Among the more notable agreements were the 1229 Treaty of Paris-Meaux between Louis IX and Raymond VII of Saint-Gilles, count of Toulouse, which brought an end to the Albigensian Crusade, and the 1242 Peace of Lorris that essentially confirmed the terms of the 1229 treaty and ended any chance of southern France remaining independent from royal authority. The importance of Blanche’s role in both cases is worth noting: in 1229 Blanche was still regent (Louis’ personal government did not begin until around 1236) and thus her acceptance of the treaty was significant, even though she did not personally negotiate the actual conditions of the treaty, while in 1242 Raymond had Blanche act as an intermediary on his behalf in achieving a final peace with the king.

In England, the Countess Mabel, Robert of Gloucester’s wife, held King Stephen in captivity after his capture at the Battle of Lincoln in 1141, which enabled Robert to bargain for his release after he had himself been captured by Stephen’s forces during the same battle. For her part, Stephen’s wife Matilda of Boulogne was simultaneously active in negotiating her husband’s release.

In the Holy Land noblewomen were also at times an important part of the diplomatic process. Baldwin II’s wife, Morphia, was said by Orderic to have been active in the negotiations for Baldwin’s release from captivity in 1124. Likewise, when in 1152 Queen Melisende found herself under siege in Jerusalem by her own son Baldwin III, who was fighting her for control of the Latin kingdom, she was able – through the mediation of the Church – to secure the city of Nablus and surrounding lands to which she could retire. Evidently, her sixteen years as ruler must have counted for something in the negotiations with Baldwin, for she was able to emerge just a few years later to a position of relative power and freedom in Baldwin’s government.

Occasionally, women in the Holy Land were even said to have attempted diplomacy with Muslims. According to William of Tyre, Melisende’s sister, Alice of Antioch, attempted to send an alleged peace offering to the Muslim leader Zengi, as part of her efforts to gain control of Antioch in the early 1130s, but was unsuccessful. Asbridge has cautioned against accepting the testimony of William of Tyre too uncritically, as no contemporary Muslim accounts mention this offer of peace.

Similarly unclear is the role played by Queen Marguerite (c.1221-1295), wife of Louis IX, whom Louis’ biographer Jean de Joinville portrayed as a dignified, pious, and thoughtful noblewoman, and who was mentioned during the course of Louis’ negotiations with the Saracens following his capture at the battle of Mansourah in April 1250. According to Joinville, the king could not guarantee to his captors that he could pay their ransom because he would have to get the queen to consent to paying it and ‘as his consort, she was mistress of her actions’, although as Hodgson notes, ‘this may have been a bargaining ploy’.

Whatever the case, Marguerite did display some leadership in helping to keep together the Christian forces in the city of Damietta during the king’s captivity by arranging to buy all the food in the city at her own expense, although she was eventually forced to give up the city as part of the conditions of surrender. Medieval noblewomen, therefore, sometimes played an integral part in initiating or indirectly assisting the diplomatic process, even if they were not necessarily the ones who argued and finalised the treaties themselves. As we have seen, their role was often one of intercession or intervention on behalf of other parties, conveying messages back and forth between sides so that opposing enemies did not have to meet face-to-face.

Blanche of Castile’s intermediary role in concluding the 1242 Peace of Lorris and the meeting between Henry IV and Pope Gregory VII sponsored by Countess Matilda were both clear examples of the mediating role noblewomen might assume, but they were not the only noblewomen to perform this function. Phillipa of Hainault, wife of Edward III, was known to have interceded for the burghers of Calais to prevent their execution following Edward’s successful siege in 1347. In a similar way Ermengard, viscountess of Narbonne (c.1127-c.1196/97) helped arbitrate peace on behalf of Count Raymond V of Toulouse when he was in negotiations with one Roger of Béziers in 1171, and again in 1176 when she acted played a mediating or ‘go-between’ role in a separate peace between Raymond and Alfons of Aragon.

Likewise, Jeanne d’Évreux, third wife of King Charles IV of France, and Queen Blanche d’Évreux, second wife of King Philip VI of France, twice interceded on behalf of Charles II, king of Navarre. In 1354 they helped Charles obtain a pardon from King John II of France for Charles’ involvement in the murder of the Constable of France, while in 1357 they helped to reconcile relations between Charles and the Dauphin, (the future Charles V) who was regent of France due to John’s imprisonment in England at that time.

Their success, and that of the other noblewomen cited, is indicative of the impact intercession could have in effectively contributing towards peace negotiations, and as such, they decreased the likelihood of war. Together with women like Adela who forged alliances for their safety, therefore, these women’s actions must be included as a part of medieval military history.”

- James Michael Illston, ‘An Entirely Masculine Activity’? Women and War in the High and Late Middle Ages Reconsidered

[paula-of-christ]

At what point is fear of abuse or actual abuse enough to warrant separation from a spouse wedded in the Catholic church? There are holes in the walls now but the kids and I have not been harmed. How should I view this? The secular world says "red flag" and "run". But God has chosen many saints who've endured abuses. My patron saint is actually for abuse survivors, I'm just afraid suddenly that in choosing them that I am now to follow in their footsteps.

Abuse is abuse as categorized by relevant authorities. Inducing fear to get someone to comply, such as punching holes in walls, storming out of the house, brandishing weapons, are all considered abuse. Abuse does not have to be physical for there to be reason to separate legally.

Just because you have a patron saint doesn't mean you will be like them in your life. If, for some reason you do have abuse happen in your life, you will have a good protector, but it is unlikely that your patron is your patron because you will suffer the same way as them.

St. Paul, being my patron, is because he has shown me how to be a Christian, technically though, St. Anne is my "real" patron, as she is my confirmation saint. I don't actually feel all that close to her, as my reason for picking her was out of her feast day being close by my birthday.

You can have patron saints that are not necessarily your favorites or the ones that help you out the most. St. Joseph does wonders for me, and all of my intercessions to him are met with immediate answers, but I don't consider myself "close" to him, or think my life will be anything similar to his.

I hope this helps and I pray for peace in your heart. Perhaps talk with a trusted priest or spiritual director about this, as they can help your heart rest in the Lord more easily.

[orthodoxydaily]

Saints&Reading: Thu., Oct. 14, 2021

Octobre 1_Septembre 14

THE PROTECTION  OF THE MOST HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

This miraculous appearance of the Mother of God occurred in the mid-tenth century in Constantinople, in the Blachernae church where her robe, veil, and part of her belt were preserved after being transferred from Palestine in the fifth century.

On Sunday, October 1, during the All Night Vigil, when the church was overflowing with those at prayer, the Fool-for-Christ Saint Andrew (October 2), at the fourth hour, lifted up his eyes towards the heavens and beheld our most Holy Lady Theotokos coming through the air, resplendent with heavenly light and surrounded by an assembly of the Saints. Saint John the Baptist and the holy Apostle John the Theologian accompanied the Queen of Heaven. On bended knees the Most Holy Virgin tearfully prayed for Christians for a long time. Then, coming near the Bishop’s Throne, she continued her prayer.

After completing her prayer she took her veil and spread it over the people praying in church, protecting them from enemies both visible and invisible. The Most Holy Lady Theotokos was resplendent with heavenly glory, and the protecting veil in her hands gleamed “more than the rays of the sun.” Saint Andrew gazed trembling at the miraculous vision and he asked his disciple, the blessed Epiphanius standing beside him, “Do you see, brother, the Holy Theotokos, praying for all the world?” Epiphanius answered, “I do see, holy Father, and I am in awe.”

The Ever-Blessed Mother of God implored the Lord Jesus Christ to accept the prayers of all the people calling on His Most Holy Name, and to respond speedily to her intercession, “O Heavenly King, accept all those who pray to You and call on my name for help. Do not let them go away from my icon unheard.”

Saints Andrew and Epiphanius were worthy to see the Mother of God at prayer, and “for a long time observed the Protecting Veil spread over the people and shining with flashes of glory. As long as the Most Holy Theotokos was there, the Protecting Veil was also visible, but with her departure it also became invisible. After taking it with her, she left behind the grace of her visitation.”

At the Blachernae church, the memory of the miraculous appearance of the Mother of God was remembered. In the fourteenth century, the Russian pilgrim and clerk Alexander, saw in the church an icon of the Most Holy Theotokos praying for the world, depicting Saint Andrew in contemplation of her.

The Primary Chronicle of Saint Nestor reflects that the protective intercession of the Mother of God was needed because an attack of a large pagan Russian fleet under the leadership of Askole and Dir. The feast celebrates the divine destruction of the fleet which threatened Constantinople itself, sometime in the years 864-867 or according to the Russian historian Vasiliev, on June 18, 860. Ironically, this Feast is considered more important by the Slavs then by the Greeks.

The Primary Chronicle of Saint Nestor also notes the miraculous deliverance followed an all-night Vigil and the dipping of the garment of the Mother of God into the waters of the sea at the Blachernae church, but does not mention Saints Andrew and Epiphanius and their vision of the Mother of God at prayer. These latter elements, and the beginnings of the celebrating of the Feast of the Protection, seem to postdate Saint Nestor and the Chronicle. A further historical complication might be noted under (October 2) dating Saint Andrew’s death to the year 936.

The year of death might not be quite reliable, or the assertion that he survived to a ripe old age after the vision of his youth, or that his vision involved some later pagan Russian raid which met with the same fate. The suggestion that Saint Andrew was a Slav (or a Scythian according to other sources, such as S. V. Bulgakov) is interesting, but not necessarily accurate. The extent of Slavic expansion and repopulation into Greece is the topic of scholarly disputes.

In the Prologue, a Russian book of the twelfth century, a description of the establishment of the special Feast marking this event states, “For when we heard, we realized how wondrous and merciful was the vision... and it transpired that Your holy Protection should not remain without festal celebration, O Ever-Blessed One!”

Therefore, in the festal celebration of the Protection of the Mother of God, the Russian Church sings, “With the choirs of the Angels, O Sovereign Lady, with the venerable and glorious prophets, with the First-Ranked Apostles and with the Hieromartyrs and Hierarchs, pray for us sinners, glorifying the Feast of your Protection in the Russian Land.” Moreover, it would seem that Saint Andrew, contemplating the miraculous vision was a Slav, was taken captive, and became the slave of the local inhabitant of Constantinople named Theognostus.

Churches in honor of the Protection of the Mother of God began to appear in Russia in the twelfth century. Widely known for its architectural merit is the temple of the Protection at Nerl, which was built in the year 1165 by holy Prince Andrew Bogoliubsky. The efforts of this holy prince also established in the Russian Church the Feast of the Protection of the Mother of God, about the year 1164.

At Novgorod in the twelfth century there was a monastery of the Protection of the Most Holy Theotokos (the so-called Zverin monastery) In Moscow also under Tsar Ivan the Terrible the cathedral of the Protection of the Mother of God was built at the church of the Holy Trinity (known as the church of Saint Basil the Blessed).

On the Feast of the Protection of the Most Holy Theotokos we implore the defense and assistance of the Queen of Heaven, “Remember us in your prayers, O Lady Virgin Mother of God, that we not perish by the increase of our sins. Protect us from every evil and from grievous woes, for in you do we hope, and venerating the Feast of your Protection, we magnify you.”

THE MONK ROMANOS THE MELODIST (556)

Saint Romanus the Melodist was born in the fifth century in the Syrian city of Emesa of Jewish parents. After moving to Constantinople, he became a church sacristan in the temple of Hagia Sophia. The monk spent his nights alone at prayer in a field or in the Blachernae church beyond the city.

Saint Romanus was not a talented reader or singer. Once, on the eve of the Nativity of Christ, he read the kathisma verses. He read so poorly that another reader had to take his place. The clergy ridiculed Romanus, which devastated him.

On the day of the Nativity, the Mother of God appeared to the grief-stricken youth in a vision while he was praying before her Kyriotissa icon. She gave him a scroll and commanded him to eat it. Thus was he given the gift of understanding, composition, and hymnography.

That evening at the all-night Vigil Saint Romanus sang, in a wondrous voice, his first Kontakion: “Today the Virgin gives birth to the Transcendent One...” All the hymns of Saint Romanus became known as kontakia, in reference to the Virgin’s scroll. Saint Romanus was also the first to write in the form of the Oikos, which he incorporated into the all-night Vigil at his places of residence (In Greek, “oikos”).

For his zealous service Saint Romanus was ordained as a deacon and became a teacher of song. Until his death, which occurred about the year 556, the hierodeacon Romanus the Melodist composed nearly a thousand hymns, many of which are still used by Christians to glorify the Lord. About eighty survive.

ST. REMIGIUS OF RHEIMS, APOSTLE TO THE FRANKS (533)

He was born in 438 in northern Gaul. After devoting himself for awhile to secular and sacred learning, he withdrew to a small house near Laon, to live in reclusion and prayer. But when a bishop was needed in Rheims, the clergy and people carried him off from his hermitage and made him their bishop. He was only twenty-two years old at the time.   The holy bishop soon became renowned throughout norther Gaul. He converted heretics, brought Arian heretics back to the Orthodox Faith, cared for the many who suffered at the hands of barbarian marauders. Wherever he went, miracles attended him. He healed the sick and demonized and once, when a town was on fire, threw himself into the flames and quenched them. Birds would come to his table whenever he ate, and he would share his meal with them.   In 482 the young warrior Clovis became leader of the Frankish tribes in that region. Though he was a pagan, he knew and admired St Remigius, and was married to a Christian, St Clotilde (June 3). Once, when his army faced defeat by the Alemanii, Clovis prayed to 'the God of Clotilde and Remigius' and won a great victory. This answer to his prayers convinced him of the truth of the Christian Faith, and he asked St Remigius to instruct him. Two years later he gathered all his chieftains in Rheims to attend his baptism. The baptism was accompanied by many miracles, seen by all in attendance. Two of the king's sisters and three thousand of his lords and soldiers were baptized at the ceremony. This event is considered the birth of France as a Christian nation.   In great old age, St Remigius went blind, but miraculously recovered his sight. He reposed in peace at the age of 105, immediately after serving the Divine Liturgy.

LUKE 10:38-42; 11:27-28 

38 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me." 41 And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her. 27 And it happened, as He spoke these things, that a certain woman from the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, "Blessed is the womb that bore You, and the breasts which nursed You!" 28 But He said, "More than that, blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!"

HEBREWS 9:1-7 

1 Then indeed, even the first covenant had ordinances of divine service and the earthly sanctuary. 2 For a tabernacle was prepared: the first part, in which was the lampstand, the table, and the showbread, which is called the sanctuary; 3 and behind the second veil, the part of the tabernacle which is called the Holiest of All, 4 which had the golden censer and the ark of the covenant overlaid on all sides with gold, in which were the golden pot that had the manna, Aaron's rod that budded, and the tablets of the covenant; 5 and above it were the cherubim of glory overshadowing the mercy seat. Of these things we cannot now speak in detail. 6 Now when these things had been thus prepared, the priests always went into the first part of the tabernacle, performing the services. 7 But into the second part the high priest went alone once a year, not without blood, which he offered for himself and for the people's sins committed in ignorance;