#int: damon

[irasceris]

There's a lot they're not saying, that much is clear, but it doesn't feel like they have to. Because she's right. He does know her, and doesn't see anything of his current self in there, but the aspiration of what a past version could have tried to live up to. Somewhere. Whatever fragments of selflessness he's held onto have always come with a price someone else had to pay. The more lonely he's become the less of that he's taken on, until the full cost fell on whoever he claims he was helping in the first place. Prime example: Bonnie's life for Elena's. He's never thought twice. Neither has Bonnie. How similar were those motivations, really, when at the core of it, Damon's the only one to benefit? He could count on one - well, likely less than one - hand the number of people he's truly been good to, no personal gain to be had. That number dwindles when he thinks of who it's lasted with. Stefan may be the only left he could make a weak argument for, but Damon still managed to screw that one up pretty spectacularly. It just doesn't end.

"If I squint," he echoes, a half hearted agreement, then with more confidence, "You're a lot better at it than I am." Feels like he should warn her maybe, that love does destroy a person, and it's a dangerous edge to teeter on, but what does he know? It's habitual now, running from whatever burns him. Running back if it hurts bad enough. But that might just be Damon, and his chronic inability to face any problem he can't kill, snark, or bleed away. Bonnie just takes it all and then some, and if it's crippling in any capacity she doesn't let it show. And he's .. jealous of that, in a sick sort of way, when he knows he wouldn't have half the composure but would appreciate the faith. Even when - on the very rare occasion - she's failed, no one's given up on her. Why would they? It's Bonnie, perpetual good man in a storm. Damon fails and it's expected; feels like a set up to prove he's only good for making things worse. Maybe he leans into that too much to change, but it would be nice, he thinks, to be counted on to do the right thing. To shake the court of public opinion just that little bit. Can't be that worth it, though, if Bonnie's not gotten away totally unscathed. She said so herself, that she's lonely, too, all the way on that other side of the spectrum. Damon doesn't know if that's better or worse. Maybe it is the same.

He stretches out, wringing all those thoughts out along with him, until his back cracks and the bed makes some horrible squeaking noise from the splintered pallets beneath the mattress. Pauses to listen for any damage he forgot about, then settles into position again when he's satisfied. It's not that bad. Not something he feels like answering for right this minute, though. "Thanks for this." There's a sincerity that might shock both of them, actually, and while most things he says are to get a reaction this is genuine truth. "The platonic physical touch thing," emphasis for her benefit, "Letting me be .. weird about stuff. Not barbecuing my brain on sight. Means a lot." More than he can appropriately express, unfortunately, and because he doesn't trust himself even in this vaguely vulnerable position, has to add a joke of some sort. "You tell anyone about this I might have to kill you. Or, you'll have to kill me. Let me out of here with some dignity. I'll ... I owe you one." Or two or twenty, she can add it to his tab.

he's quiet for too long, but she doesn't push him on it. understands the risk that comes with loving someone all too well. but she should have pushed him, should have pressed his buttons, shouldn't have let herself forget for a fleeting second who she's with, because now he's gained the upperhand and thinks it's okay to tease her like that. gross. "i'm handsy," bonnie says, holding eye contact, because she knows exactly how to pay him back for being annoying, and it isn't with mutual teasing, it's with a humiliating truth. humiliating for him, anyway, "because you needed it. and it's helping. you're welcome for the gift of physical..." not affection. let's not give him that word as ammunition. "touch."

jeremy. it's the first time damon's dared to bring him up in her presence. "that was..." she starts the sentence before she knows where it's going. she's surprised, in fact, that she doesn't feel angry anymore. not right now. anger's been her constant companion, lately, in the weeks and weeks since elena's birthday; thought for sure it would linger here between them now, a shield against whatever's going on with this conversation, a surefire end to any jeremy subject. but tonight her body's loose, her own thoughts don't feel like bullets, and damon's face isn't her enemy. (it's just a little pathetic, like a pitbull she found on the side of the road.) and bonnie doesn't know if this is forever or if this is a consequence of exhaustion, so she finally continues, "him being human. him having a heart for someone else, not because he wanted to, but because ... sometimes things just turn out that way."

bonnie turns her gaze to the ceiling, because she doesn't need to see the look in his eyes. doesn't need to receive the judgment she's already been angling at herself ever since she took him back. because taking jeremy back wasn't easy, of course not. bonnie has more self-respect than that, but she also has—well, damon said it best, didn't he? she's one to talk. she's lonely, too. she wants to be loved, and she wants to love in return, and she wants it to be easy, romantic, everything. it's just that she isn't an eight year old girl dreaming about some make believe love, she's a grown woman who loved a boy with too much of it to give. and it just didn't all find her. and maybe that's wrong of her. maybe she doesn't have the respect for herself that she thinks she does, because it's her turning the other cheek, it's her saving everyone else's ass, it's her biting her tongue so she doesn't trigger someone else's grief, it's her making her entire year about getting revenge on behalf of the guy who cheated on her once. it's funny, looking at herself from damon's perspective. heartbreaking, a little, but this is who she is. who she's always been.

"i mean." she turns her gaze back to damon, returns that bump of his knee against hers, finally, in silent recognition that she isn't going to kick him out for the subjects they're landing on tonight. "you know me." better than he lets on, she thinks, if only because he never has a reason to talk about it and she doesn't ever want to ask. "you've been watching the whole time, ever since you came back to mystic falls, right? i don't mean this summer, i mean before that. and you encouraged me, actually. think about it. how many times have you been way too ready for me to die for elena?" a little smile; she's not hurt by the truth. it's just an open fact. and she would die for her best friend. for any of her friends. "that's just how i love, i guess. fully. completely. sacrificially. i'll let love destroy me if it's for the right reasons." her smile feels different now, though, the more she vocalizes it. the longer she watches him. "i guess ... i'm almost as unhealthy and messed up as you are, if you squint."

[irasceris]

@evangelaux

The Grill would be too obvious, so he's dragged her out halfway between nothing and nowhere to a smoky, dingy, side of the road biker bar with as many working light bulbs as there are patrons. The whole idea is discretion, not tetanus, despite what the rust cloud beneath the stool says when they get situated, but they've been holed up in worse spots before. "Clearly, I'm trying to woo you." He'll offer the big ask later tonight. Right now's about ensuring recent events haven't deterred her original stance on this whole hybrid thing. "Are you feeling woo'd?"

[covedthem]

open starter, featuring damon salvatore!!

since the death of the mayor, damon has learned absolutely nothing. everything seems normal here, apart from his own presence, but he's bound to find a crack in the system somewhere, like the ones in his memories, and he decides to start with the people. "penny for your thoughts," he offers suddenly, putting on his most charming smile and finally turning to look at the person nearest him.

[irasceris]

@traumatise

There's a hefty stack of police files on the edge of the desk that he doesn't bother to leaf through. How many ways are there to interpret 'drained of blood' and 'animal attack' beyond what they already know? Dean's doing a fine job of pouring over the details himself, and Damon figures that if the hunter finds something worth their while, he'll speak up. For now he's content swiveling around in the sheriff's chair, glancing through the back window time to time to see if anything exciting decides to show up. They've been at this a good hour or two, long past when Liz had pulled the office blinds and headed home for the night, but that's also part of the plan. Easier to hunt vampires in the dark, in case their person of interest doesn't carry any kind of daylight charm. Feels silly to try track down only one with almost half the current population some degree of supernatural killer, but Damon doesn't have much else going on anyway, and it's a chance to hang out with someone who isn't a teenage girl for once. "You know this would probably go just as fast," he suggests, not for the first time tonight, "if we went door to door instead."

[irasceris]

"No, that's exactly what it was." Why doesn't he just get that? Why does Damon have to say it out loud? It was a solid plan. Of course it was. Would have gone on without a hitch, if only the players weren't in the wrong places. If only there hadn't been fear and fire and the first taste of warm blood in years. If only instinct hadn't beaten anything human out of his ability to move, to think. If only, if only, if only. Truth bleeds from his lips like the nicks in his neck. "What do you want to hear, Enzo? That I got scared? That I panicked? That the second I saw you crack just that little bit, I choked?" Was that even true, or had that flash of doubt been recognition instead, after Damon had flipped? The memories swirl together in one blur of regret. "It took everything from me to walk away. I had to shut off my humanity, damn it. I couldn't handle it anymore. There wasn't any more time. It was over. You had to know that. I was either going to lose you or lose me and guess what? I lost both."

Because what had Enzo been, other than the epitome of selflessness? Strength? Decency? Younger but so much wiser, propping Damon up from the brink every waking hour. Gave him not just hope, but certainty, as much as he wanted to deny it. Determined and brave and measured, everything Damon refused to be, and he loved him for it. Knew he didn't measure up, but did he care? Not until it counted. Because Damon did what he always does. Wraps his entire existence around someone else, relies solely on them to keep him whole, and pours back his own version of deranged devotion until he sabotages himself. Stefan wasn't coming. Katherine was supposed to be in a tomb. All he had was Enzo and that's all he needed, until Enzo needed him, and he ruined it. One shot to prove he was worth all that trouble and trust, and when it was time to make a hard call, he chose wrong. How does he keep choosing wrong?

He doesn't care about Grayson. Barely cares about what Enzo wants with Elena, or what the hell he's supposed to do about that now. He just can't stop shaking. Rage and grief and something else, twisting him every which way. Wants out of his nerves, out of his skin, out of whatever all this is. The withdraw is agonizing, but it's not enough to stop his teeth from chattering around an excruciated groan. Neither is the grip under his chin. Nothing he can do but stare right through Enzo, vibrating in his hands. There's no apology on his tongue because there never is, nothing he knows to say at all. Just the passing thought that yes, he has an idea of what it was like. For a very long time Damon had no one either. Certainly no one he would talk to about any of this, because that vulnerability was reserved for the man in front of him, who is supposed to be dead. And in many ways, he's still alone, but Enzo's right. He is free. Sure. At least there is that.

🩸 — That word, inevitable. It hurt him more than a fist through the chest. His body practically shook with distress, fingernails digging into what he'd wish was the others real neck. "Don't do that. You didn't push me away. There was nothing self-destructive about what you did to me." Enzo was no fool. He'd known him, after all. Been invited into that twisted world of his. So he knew, that loving the kind of man that stood before him... he knew, even before it all came crashing down, that they weren't made to last. "We had a plan. All you had to do was try—just a little longer."

Was he being serious, he thought. "Grayson Gilbert..." Then it clicked. The timelines, they wouldn't have matched. Even the Gilbert's before him hadn't intervened back then. "He worked with Augustine." The implication alone, pained context in his darkened gaze. There was no questioning it further, however, because it all made sense at the sound of her name. Damon's long lost love—his true love. Never had Enzo felt the kind of envy he felt in this moment, not even when they were caught in the throes of passion... nor when the other's love for this woman was spoken against his very own lips. Because she didn't have him then, he did. And he would swallow that sorrow for him. Would have done anything for him. Would she have?

He didn't have a response to Damon's revenge fantasy. He'd long since exhausted that comfort. What did it matter that he was fulfilling one promise, when he so carelessly broke another? Augustine deserved everything it got, and for a while, that was all he let himself enjoy. "You left me to die," he repeated, defeated. Using the leverage of the hand on his throat to pull his arm from his chest; slow, unforgiving. The bloodied hand, moving to cup the others face and stain his cheek in red. Squeezing his jaw as his own clenched. "You were free, and I.. I had no one. Do you have any idea what it was like for me, having nothing to fill the hole you left behind?"

[the-modern-typewriter]

Escapology

“The game,” Damien murmured against Lysander’s ear, “is simple. Are you paying attention? I’ll only say it once.”

Lysander twisted his head on the plush mattress, trying to get a good look at the other man behind him. He couldn’t. Damon’s grip was firm on Lysander’s wrists, and the weight of him kept Lysander easily pinned down to the bed. Lysander did his best to pretend he didn’t enjoy that as much as he did.

“I’m going to set the timer for one minute,” Damien said. “And, every time you fail to escape within those sixty seconds, I’m going to make the task more difficult for you.”

“I’m not going to fail,” Lysander said. “Do you seriously still think I don’t know how to get out of a pair of handcuffs?”

“We’ll find out, won’t we?” Damien’s voice was perfectly placid by contrast. “Remember, if you want out, all you have to do is say please.”

“Yeah? How about, ‘screw you?’

“Bit early in the night for that. Maybe I’ll let you if you win.”

“There’s no if!”  

Lysander had been working with some variety of lock for almost as long as he’d had proper motor control in his fingers. He’d always had a weakness for locked things, for secrets, and for the physical and mental puzzle of untangling himself out of any situation he’d found himself in. He knew how to get out of something as simple as a pair of handcuffs! And if he did, perhaps, enjoy being restrained it was an enjoyment made greater by the inability to free himself.

He could always free himself.

Maybe, if he couldn’t, he wouldn’t have ended up in this room. With him.

The conversation, in short:

INT: BAR OUTSIDE OF LYSANDER’S SHOW - EVENING

Enter LYSANDER, daring and brilliant young escape artist, who crosses the room through a flurry of impressed fans and people begging to know just how he does it. He comes across a dashingly handsome man in the process of ordering a drink. This is DAMIEN. They look each other up and down, and strike a conversation. It escalates.

LYSANDER

You didn’t enjoy my show?

DAMIEN

Oh, I enjoyed it. But escape artistry is just a con - you always have a hidden way out. A trick.

LYSANDER

You think it’s a trick? I’d like to see you try and hold me!

DAMIEN

Alright.

LYSANDER

Excuse me?

DAMIEN

I said alright.

LYSANDER

You think you would be able to keep me, a professional escape artist, from escaping you? What, do you tie people up for a living or something?

DAMIEN

Yes.

Lysander stares at him.

DAMIEN

I work at Siren, down the road. The BDSM club. I’m a professional rigger.

Lysander continues to stare at him.

DAMIEN

Have I scared you?

LYSANDER

…So when should I come over?

“Do you have any more questions before we start?” Damien asked.

“You could at least cuff my feet for round one. This is just insulting.”

“That wasn’t a question. Do you have any questions?” Damien asked again, this time with an unmistakable amusement.

Lysander shook his head.

Damien pulled back from him and Lysander rolled onto his back. He propped himself up on his elbows and watched as Damien reached over and started the timer on his phone. He let the small silver key drop down on the bed.

“Are you not even going to try and hold onto it?” 

“55 seconds left…”

Lysander lunged for the key. His hands were behind his back, but he snatched it off the sheets with his mouth and spat it back over his shoulder, only slightly showing off when he caught it deftly. He scraped the silver up against the lock in search of the small hole that would spring him free.

The cuffs clicked loose and he looked up towards Damien with a smirk, somewhere between cocky and disappointed all at once.  

“I told you,” he said. “Honestly, after all your talk I thought you might last at least thirty seconds. They pay you for this?”

Damien hummed, not even watching. He was digging something out of his closet.

“You wouldn’t even have got them on in the first place if I didn’t let you,” Lysander added.

“Yes, yes, you’re very impressive. You did miss one detail though...”

Damien turned to face him, and his smirk back was that of a challenge matched.

Lysander’s spine straightened instinctively; a thrill shooting up him, though his brow furrowed with confusion.

“I said,” Damien set a bag down on the bed. “Escape.” He pounced, and Lysander went down again hard with a yelp and a tangle of limbs. He grappled with Damien’s hands, but was shoved down again, relentlessly. His wrists were yanked behind his back and the lock clicked into place. “I didn’t say, ‘get out of the cuffs,’ did I?”

Oh.

Lysander panted for breath, absorbing that new information in with interest. He tried to hold back a grin.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bastard?”

“Usually around the same time they’re begging me for more.”

He still sounded so calm, so implacable. It made Lysander want to wind him up and up and up until he lost it; another puzzle to undo.

“So how am I supposed to win, then?” Lysander asked, musing. “Get off the bed? Get out of the room?”

“Now you’re getting it.” Damien’s hands were busy wrapping a thick belt around Lysander’s arms, clinching them together at the elbow. “Except, of course, for one small thing.”  He stepped back, and re-set the timer, eyes full of a dark heady promise. “You’re not going to win.”

***

The alarm sounded.

Lysander was not winning.

Damien had bound his ankles after he lost round two, then his knees after round three. After a round four, he attached Lysander’s wrist cuffs to his ankles and left him in a hogtie.

Lysander had just lost round five.

He curled his fist around the key, not about to give it up without a fight. He didn’t have to. The only thing he’d been tasked to do was escape, not obey, or behave by any means. He scrambled back, keeping his gaze locked on Damien, his mind racing through his albeit limited options. Every time he’d managed to get himself free in time so far, he hadn’t managed to get past Damien.

Damien, who sauntered closer now with the sort of lethal grace more commonly seen in jungle cats.

Lysander swallowed.

“You’re looking tired,” Damien said. “Want to give up?”

“I want to point out that I’ve undone all of your ties.”

“And yet here you are, still helpless on my bed.”

Lysander swallowed a second time, but it didn’t make his mouth any less dry, especially when Damien went and said things like that. His back hit the headboard.

“I’m not helpless.”

“Not yet. We’ll get there, don’t worry.”

“I’m not – I don’t –” Lysander floundered. He didn’t know how to finish without lying and lying was not allowed for safety reasons.

Damien paused at the other end of the bed, considering him in turn.

Lysander realised after a beat that he was waiting for the end of the sentence. He exhaled, and squared his shoulders.

“Well,” he said instead. “I’m not going to just give you the key.”

“Of course not.” Damien said. He had that amusement in his voice again. He grabbed Lysander by the ankle cuffs and yanked him bodily down the bed. “Come here, then.”

It felt like Lysander should say ‘I don’t want to be helpless,’ but that wasn’t strictly true. He just didn’t want to let Damien do it. It was one thing during his shows when the various ties were complex spectacles, when he had to be conscious of nerve damage and height and a dozen different variables all at once. Damien wasn’t picking anything complicated that would be a particular mess to get out of. Perhaps that was the point.

Lysander kicked, all but throwing himself off the bed.

Damien reeled him back, working the key free from Lysander’s grip, before wrapping an arm around him.

“I’ll let you pick your forfeit,” Damien said, softly. “Would you like to be blindfolded, or would you prefer to be gagged?”

Neither concept was exactly new to him. None of this was exactly new to him, and yet it was different. He hadn’t expected how intimate it would feel, or the way that he couldn’t find the steady calm he usually found when he was working methodically free for practice. What he normally did was rote. It was him against something inanimate. Knots could be tricky but they were predictable.

It was impossible to think of Damien as something inanimate. Lysander’s heart raced, and he felt hyper-aware of his every movement, and the warmth of Damien’s hands and the scent of his cologne on the air. It was a little intoxicating.

For the first time, Lysander considered the possibility that he might actually lose this bet.

(He was fine with that.)

***

Lysander couldn’t see, couldn’t speak, and couldn’t move an inch. He was, well and truly, stuck.

Christ he couldn’t remember the last time that happened.

His chest rose and fell rapidly as he caught his breath, his muscles trembling with a peaceful sort of exhaustion. He couldn’t possibly get out of this anymore, could no longer fight, so it was okay to settle. His defiance had splintered. In the dark, he was a creature of sensation alone, world narrowed down, no audience to think of. It was overwhelming and…nice.

He didn’t think he’d get this feeling again.

Damien carded his fingers idly through Lysander’s hair, laying on the bed beside him. He seemed to be taking a moment to catch his breath too.

“Alright?” he asked.

Lysander made a sound of agreement.

Damien’s nail trailed down, curving along the edge of Lysander’s jaw, tipping his head up a fraction.

“I suppose,” he said, “that you are not a total con artist.”

Lysander huffed. He supposed he could say the same about Damien not being completely arrogant coming up to an escape artist and telling him he’d clearly never been properly tied up before.

“Ready to come out?”

Lysander was back the following week.

They both agreed it was simply excellent practice after all.

[avichor]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

— u and i both have a lot of conversations about this and i'm sure we'll post ranty posts about this in the near future but. i'm tired of the lack of respect asian cultures get. they're used as aesthetics, interchanged, mocked, fetishized, and then disregarded when they don't suit what people want out of it. not entirely unpopular opinion, but it might as well be with how literally the entire world treats it llsgjlskdgskd

— as someone who's made blogs for and have tried to initiate interactions with original characters, AND have struggled to get those interactions — i do think a lot of interactions, or lack thereof, can be attributed to the lack of content or effort put out. usually. like i usually think it's the case. like it obvs sucks that ppl with ocs need to put in more work, but sometimes u just gotta. whether it's making verses, adding more info about the lore, breaking lengthy info down into something digestible ( bullets bc lbr not everyone will read novels of info nor will they retain it ). this is aside from people blatantly ignoring the effort you put in, thats a whole diff thing. but if i struggle to int with ocs it's bc there's nothing for me to work with and sometimes. SOMETIMES i fear the information just isn't digestible for me and i cannot like, visualize? the character beyond words on a page................ yeah idk. i think bullet lists are really good in getting important info out in a quick and easy way to supplement a novel biography ( esp if it has heavy prose ).

— im gonna be so fr my brain is frying but. i feel like there hasn't been any new tv that HITS the way the vampire diaries did. and i miss that era tbh like it actually makes me kinda sad :clown: but in that same vein of tvd, the way the current climate of fandoms interact with it is very offputting to me like none of the characters are meant to be morally good. the show's gonna have assholes who do heinous things beyond basic vampire stuff ( damon ) and outright erasing him or banning him or vilifying writers who choose to write him from a non - romanticized lens is very weird to me. its just the whole cherrypicking all over again

— ON THAT TOPIC, i miss tw. lol. the fandom is RANCID as are sterek shippers, i wish them a very [redacted]. but i will eat up whatever content that franchise puts out. even that shitty new movie i was eating it up just for the vibes like i couldnt tell you one thing that happened in the movie but i sure watched it and enjoyed the brief serotonin it gave me.

— duplicate anxiety is weird and it's weird to impose it on others i'm tired of pretending to be sympathetic about it

— korean stiles was still the weirdest fucking thing i've ever had to witness on tumblr dot com

[piovascosimo]

int: did you always recognize the potential in each other, i always think that is kind of one of the key parts of a friendship, when you can recognize different strengths in each other that you admire? damon: he was basically one of the only people who would like, fuck with me, - to use a... i'd have not really used that sort of word - yeah, i was just a real oddball of a sort. bullied a lot, for doing things slightly differently and graham was much more sort of conventional, in the context that his parents lived just behind the school, he actually lived there, he'd gone to primary school there, which makes a big difference when you go to secondary school, when you just come out of nowhere into that, and all of these sort of relationships were kind of formed already. and the first summer i got to essex for some reason, i did that one year at primary school there, and i did this thing the 1st or 2nd day that i was there, i kind of ate a ladybird at break and then it was like, 'oi! new boy, eat another ladybird!'. that was the beginning of it, things might have been very different if i hadn't eaten that ladybird, i imagine. i've never eaten a ladybird since... i was just showing off, i had a problem, i used to show off a lot, it jarred with people, understandably. because i came from leytonstone, i was an urban kid i wasn't a country kid. ...and i had a violin, my dad drove a lada. int: right. but graham saw these as strengths, i think, and thought 'this is my kind of guy...'

damon: we just got on brilliantly, you know, best friends. for the whole time we were in school. and there was this portakabin outside the music and art block, and we were allowed to go in there and play, it had a piano and keyboard, and graham had a saxophone and drums, we used to play music.

damon talking to the tape notes podcast.

[irasceris]

That he does flinch at, brows furrowing to hide the millisecond of hurt that flashes in his face. It's not easy to harden again with her this close, still moving into him like she can't go anywhere else. Stupid, yet. Addictive. He goes with a non-answer, which feels safest. "What do you think?" Not said with nearly as much bite as he wants, because he doesn't know, either. But he does know this part, the climactic edge of whatever number fight this is, where the sink or swim feeling is mutual. He's not smart enough to say something to fix it, but when they're this high strung it's hard to tell who really means what. Damon can't even trust what comes out of his own mouth, let alone extend that understanding to anything she wants to say. One day they might actually solve something, but that would have to begin with them not touching each other in the first place. Maybe next time. All the anger's a sign she still cares, though, and that? That's confirmation enough. "Okay," he agrees softly, leaning in to kiss her anyway, because between sinking and swimming, they're always dumb enough to choose float.

her chest rises and falls too quickly with the force of her breaths. it's like a reoccurring dream, an out of body experience, watching herself stare into these piercing eyes. "because she had different ways of hurting you, and i'm okay with mine not working." how deep does this go? how long does this story run, and how does she ever summon up the nerve to write herself out of it? she's furious on enzo's behalf, furious on her own, and still. and still. and still. elena's instinct is to squeeze his hands when he makes his threat, when he loosens his grip. i won't come back. she presses closer, their joined hands a non-existent and ineffective shield between them, her face upturned toward his. her heart in her throat, like she's desperate for him to hurry up and rip it out already. but she doesn't beg him to stay. she doesn't kiss him like she's sure he wants. she says, voice trembling with the sort of storm that will undoubtedly leave her catatonic later, "did you learn how to manipulate like this because she did it to you, too, or is it all just naturally you? don't threaten me."

[irasceris]

@traumatise

She isn't that hard to find, not when he has the perfect strategy in mind. All he has to do is focus on the loudest, most fun part of the room and steer himself in the exact opposite direction. That's not a dig, either - he just knows her, and the tortured angsty mess only she could be at her own birthday party. Well, her and Stefan probably, but it's only cute when she does it.

He's had weeks to prepare for this moment. Weeks relying on this moment, actually, as the only anchor to keep him from losing it entirely. However chaste their goodbye kiss had been was irrelevant, and he'd even mentioned as much when he left in the first place. She had told him to be good and he was good. When he could be. When he could try, at least, between all the murder and what not. The important part is his feelings never changed, and if she's still choosing to play dopey high school sweethearts with his brother that's their business. Leave him out of it. He's just grateful to be near her again.

"Well don't you look miserable?"he says when he approaches. Also not a dig. And maybe part of him is pleased to see the rumors are true. Most of what Caroline says goes in one ear and out the other, but he had been listening when she said it was his fault Elena's this bent out of shape. That has to count for something. When she looks up he raises his hands in a mock surrender, definitely overselling it. "Don't stop on my account. It's your party. I just stopped in to say happy-"

[damonalbarn]

INT: I woke up yesterday singing The Narcissist. Do you have any kind of formula or tricks for making something go down easily? Damon: Well how's that song on My Fair Lady? "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" INT: The sugar come with the melody? Damon: I don't know. It's certainly not on the lyrics, the lyrics are rarely uplifting. Spike Milligan was a brilliant comedian writer and on his grave stone he had inscribed 'I told you I wasn't feeling well' (laughs) It's the joy and sadness of life. That final victory that makes people laugh. And that's kind of the essence of melancholy: the realization that you are living and dying your best life. INT: What's the significance of the title of the album? Damon: Darren is a friend of everyone in the band. He represents all of us. Darren is everyman. INT: Well… did he go through something significantly recently? Damon: Well we all go through significant things. Obviously as I wrote the songs I guess I went through some significant things as well. I am a certified sad-55-years-old. I'm not afraid of sadness you know. INT: Is there an overall emotional framework to the album? Damon: I think once they catch you certain songs will play with your emotions quite heavely. Songs like The Everglades will snap people on the face at one point. INT: Do you have any kind of trepidation about writing vulnerable lyrics or exposing yourself? Damon: I suppose that in many ways this (record) is my vulnerable. Vulnerability… by singing about it you're somehow easing it. The vulnerability is diminished by your ability to express it. INT: Writing songs… does it help you to understand your emotions or talk about it? Damon: Yes but I don't like to make it all about myself. I use where I am in my life and how I feel to talk about other things sometimes. Via Broken Record podcast. 2023

[lonely-soul-02]

Another interesting interview from 2015. This was something of a peace year for the brothers. There are other interviews from this year where Noel is being quite reasonable and sometimes even nice about Liam. 16:50 for Noel being played new Belgian music - his reaction is wonderful to see.

7:30 

Int - […] you’ve made up with your brother, you also made up with Damon Albarn, and all those old enemies of yours. Is it true […]

Noel - […] brothers never really fall out. Liam is a very angry man still. And as long as he’s angry we won’t be friends I’m afraid.

Int - […] I always thought Liam can be very angry but you can be very... [makes stabbing gesture] 

Noel - What does that mean?

Int - It means like you are also saying not very nice things but in a subtle way.

Noel - Yeah, well, maybe…I guess. But for my own part, all I ever wanted was to make the band the best that it could be. And I feel, or I felt at the time that Liam…just was in it for himself and yeah, that tends to rile me a little bit. If I’m subtle, that’s a good thing. It’s better than being violent.

The interviewer goes on to talk with surprising bluntness about how Noel is perceived by others; that he’s perceived to be angry (ironic, given Noel had just mentioned that Liam is an angry man). Noel defends himself, insisting that he’s not angry, he just takes his work seriously. 

“People mistake my seriousness for anger. I’m not there to enjoy myself, I’m there to work because people pay their hard earned money to see us play and I wanna get it right.” He goes on to say that it takes a ‘great deal of effort’ for him to make a band work. There were obviously multiple problems that the brothers had to grapple with during Oasis but differences in work ethic or approaches to work - partly stemming from their age gap - must have been right up there, if not the biggest problem, which of course was highlighted as far back as Wibling Rivalry.

Having survived a tough time in his life and seeing how hard Debbie works for him, I don't doubt Liam now realises that to be successful it can’t just be all fun and games and getting hammered.

I wonder if he now understands what Noel was trying to achieve back then? And if so, could they work better together now? If Noel has mellowed somewhat and Liam has matured?

[mikkelo]

The Boston's Finest

FADE IN:

INT. BOSTON - DAY

In cassettes and broken tapes, there lie the cityscape of Boston with ambivalence no matter how distorted it may be. Every bouts of liberty and free spirited wanderings surged along the poster filled brick stone walls where the stifling humidity clouds the painted asphalt road. The Central Square neighborhood where shots of kaleidoscopes spread wide on the walls of Modica Way. The dewy petrichor from the cobblestones of Beacon Hill after the rain. The windowpanes in the porch reflect the teetering memories where life expands in the humble avenue. It is where the clip ends but the soul refuses to relent.

It was the 1980s and the world witnessed an uprising in the cinema industry where Die Hard (1988) and Rambo (1988) revolutionized discourse about on-screen violence, Flashdance (1983) and Purple Rain (1984) transformed the power of melodic storytelling, and David Lynch and the Coen Brothers reinforced the auteur theory of directive control. Before the glamour of the groundbreaking dawn of their careers, Hollywood stars Matt Damon and Ben Affleck once chased their shadows in the pavements with their faces smeared with dirt and splotches of heat in their linen shirts together. With their houses blocks apart from Auburn to Cottage Street, the two crossed paths in the latter’s residence while their mothers, Nancy Carlsson-Paige, an early childhood education professor, and Christopher Anne Boldt, who taught in public school, respectively had a wonderful chat. As they confront the tides of fame together with their youthful ardor, their relationship has become a cornerstone for defining a strong platonic bond, a losing art in the mainstream media, where Boston etched itself as their refuge both in conjoined grievances and relief.

CUT TO:

Title: The Warrior and the Clown

INT. CAMBRIDGE - DAY

One can say that the water holds memories for young Affleck who spent a great deal of his childhood under the fins of humpback whales and the dangers of rushing waves. He began his career as C.T. Grandville, the grandson of Captain Grandville, who was played by the scientist Peter Marston, in PBS educational series The Voyage of the Mimi (1984). For the grade schoolers watching, venturing into this journey was met with no trepidations as the show provided valuable information about the physical and biological processes of the planet. After the series ended, he went on to attend Cambridge Rindge and Latin School, where he would encounter Damon again (calling him Matty D.) since they became fast friends due to their shared interests for baseball and movies.

BEN (V.O.) I was 8, he was 10, he was a big kid, he played baseball, he was really cool, he had a bowl cut—those little feathered ones that we all wanted, of course—and he— And he was, you know, nice to me. And we were both interested in the same things.

Having a tad advantage to his age, Damon showed a more mature and passionate outlook for acting, which gave Affleck the boost to take it seriously. This difference in intensity of the mutual linkage they have gave Affleck the affinity to put Damon in a pedestal, who embodied a total control in his limbs and motions the moment when he was possessed by the role he played. In both admiration to his craft and character, Damon’s words were like ancient knowledge to Affleck who looked up to someone whom he believed had a superior integrity in the art of acting than him.

BEN (V.O.) I would periodically go off and do a little Voyage of the Mimi. So Matt was a little threatened by that. And when I got to the high school, he kind of pulled me aside. He said, “Listen, man! All right? This is the theater. It’s not about your looks, okay? It’s about the work.” And I took that very seriously. I thought that I was hearing something real, like the words of wisdom from a guy who understood it.

Granted, it was not a bond fully realized, yet their childish vigor and innocent wonderment were already the first step of what was anticipated. However, what made their friendship soar in a vast degree was in the January of 1987 when the blade grasses crunched in every step as the soles of leather boots left myriads of trails on the coated pristine snow. A shift in dynamics which catapulted their connection into a newfound nature of commitment where it evolved from baseless competition towards the unequivocal dedication to be with each other in whatever shenanigans one might be.

CONAN (inquiring) I know that you’re from the Boston area as am I, and there’s this reputation that like, Boston guys know how to fight. […] Did you ever get in any fights as a kid? MATT (reminiscing) I’m like you, I really tried to avoid them because there are people in Boston who really do know how to fight and you know if you’re one of them or not. But the last fight I got into, who would’ve been in the mid-80s, and I remember we had a snow day at school so we would all meet in the Cambridge Common and play tackle football because there would be a foot of snow on the ground and so you can’t really get hurt. It was a really fun thing to do and I mouthed off a kid that I knew but he was like your height. He was six-foot six, right? And I might have been 5 (foot) 3 at the time. And I said some—I scorned on him or something, I don’t know—but he came for me and it was like a mountain of a guy came at me and I was like, ”Oh, man.” So before I knew it, I was on the ground. He was above me and I was like, “This is gonna be bad.” And it was right then that little five-foot two Ben Affleck tackled this dude off of me like out of nowhere. I was like a junior and he was like a freshman and he tackled this kid off of me, literally at the risk of his own life. Really quickly, everyone had [broken] it up because they wanted to get back to the football game. That was fun and this was ridiculous and that was the end of it. The kid was reasonable and he was, “God, I’m not fighting. Let’s play.” But I remember, that was like a big moment going like this guy, he will put himself in a really bad spot for me like, this is a good friend.

The proclaimed drama geeks dominated the corners of the school’s theatre department as they consistently turned themselves into a blank slate of a paper vessel where the letters to be imprinted on it gave birth to the soul of the character they portrayed. Once they return to existence after breathing differently through living many lives, they came back as different entities where all the emotions they played amounted to the hope of bringing it on a larger stage. Regardless of how they were perceived in the social circles within the school, they always remained to be thick as thieves for whatever context, which was enough for them.

BEN (V.O.) I’ve established that we were very nerdy and a little weird. We used to have "business lunches,” in what was called the Media Cafeteria, which at the time there was a big ESL portion of our public high school—it was like 2,600 kids—and that was where the ESL kids— I don’t know why that was where we— We liked to be surrounded by people who spoke other languages. I’m not sure what it was. Maybe we didn’t want them to actually hear our business lunch, because no business was conducted. But we plotted things. We planned our careers.

The Cambridge Rindge and Latin School produced and adapted various stories which the department invested their efforts in. Some of the plays the school had in the time period where the two were involved were Guys and Dolls in the Summer '85 where Damon, still a freshman, played one of the gamblers, and The Visit in Fall-Winter '86 where Affleck, now a freshman, played a character as Damon’s son. Additionally, Damon’s “confrontation” with Affleck on how “acting is not about the looks, but the work” happened in this time frame. Another plays they performed were Pippin in Summer '87 where Damon played the lead role and Affleck worked behind the scenes because his voice was not for the audience. And lastly, the Alice in Wonderland in Fall '89 where Affleck took the role of the Caterpillar.

MATT (taunting) Say, Ben, why don't you tell us about the time you played the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland? BEN (gearing up for a cutting contest) Yup, I was the zany, hookah-smoking caterpillar. I chose to play the role wrapped in garbage bags held together by Scotch tape. Now, if I were to play that caterpillar today, I might do it another way. CASEY (commenting) It was an underrated performance. Those trash bags were a bold choice. BEN (retaliating) So, Matt, why don't you favor us with your version of Morning Glory from Pippin?

After their eventful years inseparably playing various roles in high school, the two would bid each other farewell as Damon decided to continue his education in Harvard University. When Affleck completed his last two years, he attended the University of Vermont because of his attachment in his high school girlfriend who was not even studying in the same university he was in. Nevertheless, the two never broke contact and remained close as ever.

BEN (V.O.) Matt was definitely more… of a kind of achiever. It was inconceivable to him that you wouldn’t get an “A” or do really well. So I did really well [in] my first two years in high school and then when Matt left, I would cut class and… get in all kinds of trouble.”

In retrospect, their escapades as children of theatre might earn them some cringe looks. However, their joint experiences watered the seeds of their dreams they planted themselves, as well as their friendship that helped it to germinate much quickly by always having each other’s back. This was also the time where they made discoveries about themselves that sealed their brand as a person.

JIMMY (pulling out the picture) This is a photo, I think, you sent it to Matt just the other day just to go “Hey! Remember these dudes?” Here’s 17-year-old Matt and Ben in a photo booth. Look at this. BEN (laughing) Now, listen. Hard not to see that those guys are gonna make it. MATT (agreeing) Yeah, those guys clearly have “star” written all over them. JIMMY (amused) That’s awesome. MATT (pointing something out) You know, I think it was the matching puka necklaces that give it away. JIMMY (affirming) Best buddies. That’s BFFs right there. Come on. That’s BFFs for life.

CUT TO:

Title: The Crumbs on the Manuscript: Part 1

INT. UNITED STATES - DAY

It was a paradise for some, but a rabbit hole for those who only have their baggage, a couple of penny, and a dream. Done were the days where the two would cross the suburban homes in Somerville, roaming in the Assembly Square Mall where the big pictures were as avid moviegoers, and frolicking in the Harvard Square; it is the transitional period from their sentimental film reviewing antics to making appearances in wide screens, albeit a small one in their fresh start. This consisted of moving back and forth in different borders of United States for auditioning countless roles. Kevin Costner as Ray Kinsella in Field of Dreams (1989) recalled the remarkable enthusiasm of Damon and Affleck as two of the extras among the thousands in the movie. Even though they were one with the blurry heads and said that they only did it “to go to Fenway,” the sheer exhilaration of partaking in the film gave a lasting impression on what it was like to be in front of the camera.

KEVIN (remembering) They were sitting in the stands, like college guys, and they came up, and they both leaned in at the same time, leaned back at the same time, looked at each other at the same time as we talked. And they had this big enthusiasm. They were on fire. I do remember them, absolutely.

After three years of their first exposure from the said film, the two made their new appearances in School Ties (1992). This time, Damon played one of the antagonists against Brendan Fraser who played the lead role. On the flipside, Affleck played a smaller role as one of the bullies as well who performed violent acts to Fraser’s Jewish character.

BEN (remembering) I knew my nine lines back to front. I loved every day I was on a call sheet, every day I got to come to work. You were there, in Boston. It was one of the best experiences of my life. We literally were next to a dump and thought we were kings. I knew I was playing the one shitty antisemitic bully character, so I figured it was probably not going to be great for me career-wise, but I loved it.

Other films that contributed to their foundation in acting together were first, the college comedy Glory Daze (1995) where Affleck starred as the lead role named Jack, an art student who was driven by the post-college angst of the fleeting whiff of liberty before graduation, and Damon had a non-speaking role as one of Affleck’s former roommates. The other was Chasing Amy (1997), another lead role for Affleck who played Holden McNeil, the love-stricken comic book writer chasing his love of his life that turned out to be a lesbian. Damon had a cameo role and played as one of the executives who helped Affleck’s character pitch a business offer. The contrast in their perception of each other’s fame was intriguing to behold as Affleck jokingly claimed that he and Kevin Smith, a well-known director and believer of the two, were riding the coattails of Damon’s larger stardom, whereas Damon was more laid back about himself and only “tried” to get in Affleck’s films with Smith. Both also revealed to auditioned for Dead Poets Society (1989) but failed to secure a role and worked in a local movie theatre.

BEN (humorously) I slept on Kevin's couch, and it was like, “You got a buddy, this guy Matt, will he be in it?” And Matt was better known than I was. [Smith] was totally happy to exploit Matt’s stardom, for his own benefit, and so was I.

Most notably, the two disclosed the fact that they opened a joint bank account with “RiverP” as the code based from River Phoenix’s rising influence in the film industry. Both Damon and Affleck set forth a new adventure in the incongruous lands of New York where they were repeatedly hustling in the bustling audition sites for various television roles, some Burger King commercials, and local voiceovers that were not documented thoroughly for public viewing. Both their devotion for acting far transcended from only achieving success to also making sure that they were part of each other’s moments of triumph and lament.

MATT (V.O.) It was unusual, but we needed the money for auditions. BEN (V.O.) We were going to help each other and be there for each other. It was like, “You’re not going to be alone. I’m not going to be alone. Let’s go out there and do this together.”

Just like when they were two small naivetes discussing baseball mechanics on a bench of the local park, a candy bar from one will be shared willingly, cheerfully, obligingly with the other.

BEN (V.O.) If either of us needed money he could borrow it from the other. Neither one of us ended up taking. It was never one-sided. MATT (V.O.) If one kid had enough for a candy bar, then the candy bar was bought and split in half—that’s just the way it’s been.

That being said, the two will always be embedded in each other’s life whether they recklessly wallow in the pools of Napa Valley wineries or they open a hotdog stall at the Dodger Games while tracing the stars through their sparkling squinting eyes.

BEN (V.O.) Matt and I had identical interests, so whether we ended up successful or making hot dogs at Dodgers games, we knew we'd end up doing the same sort of thing. The remaining friends part was pretty consistent. We saw each other all the time, we talked on the phone all the time.

CUT TO:

Title: The Crumbs on the Manuscript: Part 2

INT. LOS ANGELES - DAY

While spending his time in the halls of Harvard, Damon conceived an original story that was a waiting ticket for a momentous future. He requested a favor for Affleck to act out the scenes of this story with him in front of the class. Consequently, this project gave him one of the reasons to drop out from college in 1997 in addition to them being unable to get the roles they wanted for themselves. They reckoned that if that was the case, then they could make their own film even if it would only be available in cheap cassette tapes.

BILL (V.O.) Were you guys always okay with you being the lead and him being the sidekick? MATT (V.O.) Yeah. I mean, I started it in college in a playwriting class, and so it was all established by the time—That as my final—My final paper was, I was supposed to write a one-act play. And instead I handed in the first act of a movie. And I said to the professor, "I think I failed your class. This is not what you asked for, but this is what came out and I really like it." He gave me an A in the class. Yeah, it was really cool, because I didn't get a lot of straight A's at Harvard. And he went, "No, wherever this goes—I don't know where it's going, but stay with it." And it was really great, because I didn't think of myself as a writer. I was an actor. And neither did Ben, for that matter.

After starring in various roles and earning their wages, the two promptly rented a house in the neighborhood of Venice Beach, Los Angeles where they reportedly wasted their money away for hedonistic pleasures and decided to get an apartment in Eagle Rock neighborhood. Damon and Affleck lived together as broke in-and-out of role actors after spending a whole lot of their earnings in drinks and taxes. Subsequently, this is where they ultimately decided to work on the script of Good Will Hunting (1997) seriously.

BEN (V.O.) I lived all over the place. I lived in Hollywood, then I moved. [Matt Damon] and I got money from School Ties, and we blew it all in a couple of months. We made $35,000 or $40,000 each and thought we were rich. And we were shocked later on to find out how much we owed in taxes.

Good Will Hunting (1997) turned out to be an opportunity for them to combine their creative outputs and transform it into having a life on its own. They wrote the script largely influenced by their own personal upbringings in Boston through their spontaneous and completely erratic improvised sessions of jotting down details. Writing, even admittedly not their forte, was an intuitive process for them, and just how they meticulously carve the path of Will Hunting’s fate, they were also unknowingly writing a new chapter to their wondrous epic of Hollywood breakthrough.

MATT (V.O.) And so that was in late January, and then in March I came out here [to L.A.] for Spring Break to audition for stuff, and stayed on Ben's couch and showed it to him. I was like, "Hey, I wrote this thing, I don't know what the fuck to do with it." And Ben read it and goes, "I don't know what to do with it either, but we should do it together." And I was like, "Sold! I'm in!" And so that was really the—I trusted no one in my life more than him. And we were just, you know—He was as close a friend as I’d ever had in my life or ever could imagine having. And I respected him, and I respected his taste. I mean, we—Our taste kind of formed together, you know what I mean? Those teenage years where you’re spreading your wings and gaining your own independence: we did that together. And so I know he would read a situation the same way I would. You know what I mean? We were just very compatible, in that way.

The film starred Damon as Will Hunting, the titular protagonist who was a troubled genius working as a janitor in the prestigious Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) alongside Affleck as Chuckie Sullivan, one of Hunting’s closest confidants, and Robin Williams as the therapist Sean Maguire. Damon and Affleck sold the screenplay to Castle Rock Entertainment in 1994 for $675,000 where its president, Rob Reiner, told them to drop the thriller aspect and instead focus on the emotional ties of Hunting and Maguire. However, due to a conflict, Miramax Films bought the screenplay’s rights and put it into production with Gus Van Sant as the director. True to their nature, their earnings from the film were gone in few moments after it became a hit classic and a commercial success.

BEN (talking in front of the curtain) We sold it for $600,000, we split that, $300,000 each, and then the agents got $30,000. So we had $270,000, and we paid about $160,000 in taxes, so we had $110,000, each bought $55,000 Jeep Cherokees, and then had $55,000 left, which naturally we decided to rent a $5,000-a-month party house on Glencoe Way by the Hollywood Bowl, and we were broke in six months.

In their many attempts to rewrite every course of action and applicable dialogues, the crumbs on the shared candy bar remained sitting idly on the many drafts of manuscript, and still was the arrival of the sprinkling mess that was a testament of their love and camaraderie.

CUT TO:

Title: The Fortune Favors the Fools

INT. SHRINE AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

The pillars of Hollywood are where the gods and monsters of the industry were ensconced. Here they carve their legacy in all its pulchritudinous grandeur where they race their cars in Sunset Boulevard and Vine Street. Settled in the Shrine Auditorium, Los Angeles, the commencement of the 70th Academy Awards in 1998 propelled the trajectory of their future in an unimaginable heights. It was a turbulent period in the picture palaces where contenders such as James Cameron stirred the tides of cathartic grief with his poignant depiction of tragedy in Titanic (1997) and Kim Basinger’s seductive charisma in L.A. Confidential (1997) worked like a charm to the mass. Damon and Affleck paved their way into the culmination of the grand clockwork inside the movie industry along with the elite A-listers who took their seats on the fine cushion chairs. Billy Crystal, with all of his entertaining antics, sang an ode to the honorable artists.

MATT (V.O.) To go from that experience where, you know, we filled out the (Oscar ballot) sheets and we were betting on who was gonna win, to being in the front row of the Oscars together with our moms—in one year—it felt like warp speed. And to have Billy Crystal singing a song about us.

Damon and Affleck, in their plain tuxedos and bow ties, managed to claim their unexpected Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay in Good Will Hunting (1997). The crowd was masked with massive shouts of uproar and sheer delight the moment when Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau presented the award, which can be liken into them, a comedic duo, passing the torch of friendship to the young novices. The two of them were remembered as sweethearts for bringing their mothers as their dates to the said event. Such gesture, even if it was seen as juvenile to some, garnered them an appreciation from the public for looking back at the pioneers among their fans and also their first pillars of hope when they partook in the tumultuous road of acting.

BEN (V.O.) We were sitting next to our moms and we won, and we kind of hugged our moms. And I remember, how everyone had made such a big thing out of it. As if this was such a novelty. And I remember thinking, being insecure, like, “Why? Why is it weird that we’re bringing our moms?” Like, “Who else do you think we would bring?” You know what I mean? There was nobody else that was going to go. That was it. Of course our moms were gonna go. That was, really was innocent and not faked.

Their signature impromptu speech was a blabbering mess and their words were caught up in a maze, yet the innocence emanating from their still neophyte minds inside the logistics of Hollywood was a testament to their authenticity as starting actors in the realer side of the business. Up until the present times, Affleck boasts his pride as he still remains to be the youngest winner to bag this prestigious award.

MATT (V.O.) Ben and I talked about it recently. We were younger than we felt. I was 22 and Ben was 20 when we first started writing it. And then it came out when I was 27 and Ben was 25. I mean, Ben’s still the youngest writer to ever win an Oscar for screenwriting. I’d be the youngest if it weren’t for Ben. Fucking asshole.

In another but shared spotlight, Robin Williams also snatched the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor from the same film. His performance cemented his legacy as one of the most beloved actor-comedians who ever graced the common folk with his winning smile and witty sense of humor. Williams’ roles as Sean Maguire in Good Will Hunting (1997) and John Keating in Dead Poets Society (1989) resonated to the young souls through his earnest warmth of devotion in the form of paternal love. The integrity of his characters, which was molded from his own, poked the bubble of pressure that led to vulnerability.

ROBIN (V.O.) There's an emotional core to Good Will Hunting that came from Ben and Matt. They have this unspoken twins thing. They care for each other, yet they bust on each other. And that was a great bass line to work with. I'm very proud of this movie. It has a resonance.

The accolades for Good Will Hunting did not stop in its tracks as it emerged victorious in other award-giving bodies. Damon and Affleck also won the Golden Globes Award for Best Screenplay - Motion Picture and the Critics’ Choice Movie Award for Best Original Screenplay. The disbelief hung in the air but the emblems of their cherished faith in their line of work brought a newfound admiration in each other’s professional work.

MATT (V.O.) It’s been really helpful to check in with Ben throughout this whole surreal process over the last 25 years. I think the shock of becoming famous is so… I mean, that messed me up for a couple years because the whole world just starts to treat you differently. And so your subjective experience changes. It’s like somebody rewrites your code in the Matrix, but just your code. It’s like, “Oh, my whole experience has been altered in this really overwhelming way.” And so to have somebody who I’ve known my whole life, who I can be like, “Hey man, is this happening to you? Are you…” And to check in with him, it was really, really helpful. Stabilizing.

All of a sudden, they climbed up the ladder of prestige and in the throes of loneliness at the top, they basked in the presence of one another.

CUT TO:

Title: The Best They Ever Were

EXT. THE STREETS - DAY

As they walk in the arduous path they earnestly tread on, Damon and Affleck solidified their careers as one of the most prolific actors and filmmaker collaborators. Their fates were sealed in a fervid turmoil after that eventful night while carrying their early designed bulky cell phones in one hand and the golden trophy statuette in another. Time went on and success found its way running towards them in multitudes. Damon then had won the Screen Actors Guild Awards (SAG) for Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture in the movie The Departed (2007) with the cast, as well as two Critics' Choice Movie Awards for Best Actor in The Talented Mr. Ripley (2000) and Best Actor in an Action Movie in The Martian (2016). On the other hand, Affleck won the Screen Actors Guild Awards (SAG) for Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture in the movie Shakespeare in Love (1998) shared with the cast, another Academy Award for Best Picture as a producer in Argo (2013), and Santa Barbara International Film Festival’s (SBIFF) Modern Master Award for Argo (2013). Furthermore, the two also accepted the award for Guys of the Decade at the 10th Annual Guys Choice Awards in 2016.

The nature of their relationship has always been a sweet spot for breeding malice and amusement of many, yet both are secured enough to define what they are for each other amidst the public’s scrutiny.

WOMAN IN BLACK (gesturing with her hands) I didn’t know what your relationship is with Ben. Seeing you or to get, you know, known him your whole life— MATT (standing on the stairs) He’s my hetero-lifemate.

It goes to show how the concept of platonic bond is subjected to different interpolation because of how malleable and loosely defined its boundaries are. Moreover, histrionic commentaries over cultural norms and prejudices thrive in competitive capitalism where journalists are put in a game of catch to get a scoop on celebrity scandals with twisted headlines.

ELLEN (sitting cross-legged) So we're going to talk about it. I just heard it this morning, if you want to address it somehow. It's like when we do interviews, you say something and then people write it and it depends on—it’s out of context and it gets twisted around and something you said is getting twisted around and I want you to address it. MATT (sitting on the opposite couch) Yeah, it was just an interview with The Guardian that I just literally found out. I was talking about [how] actors are more effective when you know less about their personal lives and was talking about it in the context of when Ben and I first started, and people wrote all these articles when Good Will Hunting came out that we were gay because it was two guys who wrote the script, and feeling like “Oh, we can't even—.”Then you have to address it and then you would and then it's like, I’m not going to throw my friends under the bus who are gay and act like it's some kind of disease, you know. How do you even address it? […] I said this thing in The Guardian and it got turned into—I was just trying to say [that] actors are more effective when they're a mystery, right? And somebody picked it up and said gay actors should get back in the closet, which is, like, it's stupid. It's painful when things get said that you don't believe.

The mere fact that both Damon and Affleck remained to withstand the tribulations of exploitative industry, where privacy is compromised, speak volume to their commitment and loyalty towards each other. Writing their bond as a simple romance where they fit the conventional bill of being one is reductive in its essence because it takes away all nuances and intricacies of an outstanding platonic bond. Their relationship is supposed to remodel the foundation of a healthy friendship as it is a connection that is not codified through marriage contract or sexual attraction, but a shared mutual interest in something where both can celebrate and be dismal together. However, the public is not in the same page in terms of appreciating this kinship that rivals the so-called be-all and end-all type of love that is romance.

Decades passed through thousands of sunsets and millions of seconds, and their bodies had changed to match their shifting attitudes. However, their reverence and love for acting continue to stand unwavering in the midst of tempestuous conjectures and flashes like lightning strikes in their very faces. Currently, Damon lives in Brooklyn Heights, New York in a penthouse with the top two floors of a building spanning over the stunning views of the Manhattan skyline where he lives with Luciana Barroso and their daughters. Affleck, on the other hand, lives in a mansion in the Beverly Crest area of Los Angeles with Jennifer Lopez that stretches over 38,000 square feet, including a 12-bedroom main house and other amenities. The endless fields and valleys in between their locations were irrelevant against their will to collaborate again and screen write The Last Duel (2021) and co-found a studio together, the Artist Equity, to produce Air (2023).

BEN (sitting cross legged) I find the most wonderful thing about it was I loved coming to work everyday. I loved seeing Matt. I love—first of all, he's a genius. Having him as your anchor of your movie just makes it— MATT (gesturing Ben) See, 40-something-years it took you to— BEN (cont’d) No, I didn't use to think this. But that just makes it so easy, and it was just so much fun. It kinda felt like just us and getting to do the thing that we wanted to do. I did. I loved it. I miss it everyday since. It was the best work experience of my life. In fact, that's the beautiful thing about this. It's that happiness was being able to be here everyday in Los Angeles, where my children are and see them everyday and have them come visit the set, work with my best friend my whole life. There's nothing more that I want in my life. I thought, well, this is it. This is what I've always wanted, you know. And then I thought that might mean I'm about to die. MATT (laughing) I literally had the same thought. I was like this is it. We've actually reached the mountaintop.

Though their milestone launched them into separate houses of big screens and magazine covers, all America’s crossroads and thoroughfares and boulevards and avenues attempt to intersect at one point despite their convoluted systems to lead their lavish vehicles together in taking the high road.

BEN (V.O.) Yeah. It is bizarre to have gone this far. And definitely a lot of—I don’t think I would be sane—or as sane to the extent that I am—had I not had somebody who was from where I grew up, and who was my best friend, and who was going through the same thing. So you could— Because I’m sure you guys all know: there are these moments in this business where you look around and go like, “Is this completely insane? I feel as though I’m coming unglued.” And having that, someone share that perspective—and then so, as we went on and on, so finally got to a place where—like with The Last Duel—it was like, “Why haven’t we just—? We had so much fun! Every day on that set was so much fun! Let’s just do this: let’s just do movies together and with people we like.”

No matter how high the altitude of their dreams had come to, the streets of Boston will always have a perpetual flame into the hearts of two actors fueled by their shared ambition. Their eyebrows are the Storrow Drive with the way they are on fleek, their lips are the undulating waves in Plymouth's Fresh Pond when they curve upwards, and their torso is the Fenway Park where the Boston Red Sox is. When they gaze into each other’s faces, the two natives would recall all their hilarious mischiefs and lasting jubilations as if they are themselves the incarnation of the place they will always call home.

GRAHAM (pointing Matt) And what was the phrase? There was a phrase that you heard. Was it in a movie you heard a phrase? “There goes...” MATT (realizing) Oh, yeah. Yeah, I said it to my mother. This is funny. I said—in the movie, The Natural, Robert Redford, and it's based on something the baseball player Ted Williams once said. But so his character, Roy Hobbs, in The Natural says, “All I want is to walk down the street, you know, and when I walk down the street for people to say 'There goes Roy Hobbs, the best he ever was,'” And my mother—and I love that movie—and I love Robert Redford, asked me one day, “What is it that you want, Matthew?“ and I said, “Look, all I want is to walk down the street someday and have people say, 'There goes Matt Damon, the best he ever was.'”

The streets will be just like the way they rode their Jeep Cherokee Sport once. Only this time, the babes with their mothers and the strangers in all varying places will notice what the glint in their eyes is. And here, in the venerated bastion of media, there goes the finest of them all, the best they ever were.

FADE OUT.

THE END

[the-90s-music-colosseum]

Just came across this while reading a translation from a French interview and felt like tossing it into the peggability conversation:

Int: A few months ago, you posed shirtless for Melody Maker. How much of that was narcissism, and how much of it was a joke?

Damon: It was just to tease, both sexual and ironic. Only Alex, the bass player, was a flirt at school. For me, being manly was never a major preoccupation. I've always felt equivocal, somewhere in between... none of us are macho. (...) Graham has always wanted to sleep with strong feminists. He loves being dominated.

(Damon's a prettyboy and Graham wants to be pegged... grass is green, fire is hot, modern life is rubbish, etc)

There is order in the world and that order lies in Blur 🙏

[irasceris]

@traumatise

Whatever Klaus wants with Caroline Forbes is none of his business, and he's happy to keep it that way. Mostly he's just grateful to avoid the yap fest, because between the two of them they could exhaust every word in the English dictionary before Damon's even out of the aisle. No thank you. He's been given a mission of his own, anyway, and her witchy little head just bopped right past the Wonder Bread. She's not paying near enough attention to the fact she's being followed, which works just fine, but honestly Bon, this is a town full of vampires. Look alive, will you?

Opportunity strikes in the tea section. One indecisive little hand reaches up and he's quick with it, snagging the box she wants right out from under her and standing way too close for comfort. "Ginseng, huh?" And in red text at the bottom of the label, libido support. Cute. He probably couldn't get it up for Jeremy, either. "Must be one hell of a party you're throwing here, Bon-Bon." More importantly, though, "Where was my invite?"

[irasceris]

"In case I need to forward your mail? What kind of question is that?" Actually, no. Not worth getting worked up about. He relaxes again. "I'm not going to hunt you down if that's what you're worried about. I just told you how busy I am. I'll let you do your little walkabout in peace."

🩸 → "now why would i tell you where i'm going?"