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shalalalalaw · 2 years ago

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Wrote a small blurb hurt/comfort for my Guardians and im crying over them q-q

tl;dr Feros-8 stayed on Io at the end of Arrivals and got eaten by the Darkness and later resurfaced on Europa and his Ghost, Mia, took a long time to recover from it. Meanwhile, Schala-2 was the only one who asked friends and the Vanguard to let him go, let him face his fear and his trauma instead of continuing to spiral until he 'fell'. (They are a fireteam/poly partners.)

Feros is still scrubbing dust from between the segments of his toes. An entire week after they came back from the Spire and he still hasn't managed to clean all his crevices, much less their weapons.

He broods over a scout rifle, its varnished wood and polished synth brass covered in dust and all the grime that got picked up by radiolaria splashes all along its length.

He doesn't even hear Schala come in.

Only notices they're there when their thin hands come between the barrel he's polishing and his face.

He blinks at her and puts it all down.

She lingers, hands awkwardly hovering in front of them like they haven't decided what to say, if to even say it.

It's a rare time that he sees her hesitate.

Apprehension gathers in his muscles as he watches her hands twitch, abandoned motion after abandoned motion. Then her throat lights catch his eye, just for their sudden appearance.

But not even a trace of her raspy voice filters through.

He wipes his hands and reaches for their hands, slowly. Giving ample time to pull back, not let him cut off their 'voice' even for the sake of comfort.

But they don't move, and he pulls them gently around to sit on the couch with him, shoving the low table with his supplies to the side.

He rubs careful circles over her palms and her head slowly hangs. Feros' jaw twists, sits awkwardly against his upper lip. He hates not knowing what to do.

They sit, knee to knee, in the heady light of noon. The silence isn't a stranger to them, Schala almost never speaks and Feros is more inclined to doing than telling.

Between the two of them, it's a miracle they communicate.

He bites down a bitter chuckle on how all his previous relationships and fireteams fell apart, if they didn't die first, from that same lack, but here seems to work just fine. For all that all of those people were infinitely more talkative than both of them combined.

He entertains the idea that Schala probably has lived through every single of their interactions over an impossible amount of lives spent together, she might as well know his every thought, so he might as well have no need to speak ever again, and immediately scraps the thought.

'I am human, I can't save everyone. I have to accept that; my mistakes.'

She said that, when he'd told her that chasing after Saint-14 in the Infinite Forest was suicide. And then she chased after him anyway. They did it; Schala and Osiris. But she had just as readily accepted that, this time, they might fail.

He sighs, keeps rubbing soothing circles into their palms and realigns his jaw to sit properly.

"I'm sorry."

It's so quiet, he nearly misses it. Whispered low enough the slight ruckus of the nearest street spilling in from the open window almost covers it.

He leans closer, trying to get a clear look at their downcast face, "What for?"

They pull their hands away, the motions as they form words careful, Not being here

Feros tilts his head at that, "What?"

They repeat the words, forcefully, Not being here

"Where, firefly?"

And there's anger and grief at the choked voice they let out, "When the Darkness came. I let you go."

And it feels like the air was knocked out of him.

He reaches awkwardly to their hands, but they pull back, going through more words, I should have stayed, I should have helped but I just abandoned you, like you didn't matter or I didn't care but that's not true I worry and I care and I love you more than this life will let me and I can't forgive my mistakes, not when it hurt you and hurt Mia and-

And his chest feels constricted, the air cut off, like a fist was shoved through his heart and he can no longer breathe. She speaks like she condemned him, when it was his choice to take the dive.

His hands shake as he slips them over their cheeks, and their hands still.

It had been like dreaming. Letting the cool dark wash over him.

It had him confront so many of his failings. Pahanin, Mare Imbrium, the Gap, letting down Ana, Tevis, Andal, Cayde-

Eris, at least, he knew lived and scorned the fatalism he'd plunged himself in, as he'd gone on to tear down the Crimson Keep and burn clean the Moon's depths.

But he would have never lived through life as it has become now, with Darkness curling fingers in Guardians if he hadn't let the ghosts of his regrets haunt him. If he hadn't let himself go through the Dark like crossing a river.

He knows, Shin would have planted a blazing bullet between his eyes ages ago, if the man had the balls to show his face again, after all the seeds he planted that the Darkness now sows.

But it had been his choice and he would have fought anyone that would have tried to stop him, "I'm not sorry. I would do it again, Schala, again and again and you can't say you let me go. You can't go down that way, please."

And she looks at him like she would break down from the weight of his words alone.

He crushes them to his chest, still missing a breath he can't catch and wanting for the life of him to just take this pain away from them.

"You didn't abandon me, you didn't, I swear to you and the Light and the Dark, you didn't."

They shake against him, small fist weakly grasping at his shirt and he just holds tighter.

She hiccups and pushes back until she can move her hands between them he looks helplessly as the torrent continues unabated. Hands moving jerkily and sloppy as their shoulders tremble, And I always let you go, every time I let you slip away and you don't always come back, you don't, and it's my fault for not holding on for not saying anything

"And someone will always say, you did wrong. That it's not how fireteams work and it's not how partners work but that's not true."

And he wills her into understanding, "You have to push sometimes, you have to let others fall, let them fail and yes, it's not your fault, but they need it, to try."

His fingers tighten on their shoulders, "You can't save me every time."

And then they start crying in earnest, crumbling in his arms like a house of cards.

There's no tears that exos truly shed. But the laboured breathing, the choked keening, all the motions and exertions hit the body just as hard. Even down to the lightheadedness from lack of oxygen.

Feros shushes them, rubbing his hand down their back, and up again. Rocks them gently. He knows that feeling. Tearing you apart from the inside like an infestation. And you have to cut it out.

"Shh, I'm here, I'm always here somehow aren't I? Too stubborn to stay away. Shhh, it's okay. I love, you know that? You always try so hard, I love that about you. Shhh."

It takes time for their sobs to die down. For the trembling to cease. And Feros whispers softly and rubs down their back until they both petter into silence again.

His fingers trail up to her tense neck, pushing carefully into the synthcord muscle and smoothing it out.

He stills when they curl up against him instead of just just collapsing, fitting their head to the crook of his neck. And he holds them, until the sun starts dipping from its zenith and the breeze coming in from the open windows changes direction.

Until his back hurts and his shoulders ache.

He leans to whisper softly in their earwing, "I'll move us to the bed ok?" and waits to feel the nod against his neck to hook his arms under her.

Sheis small, he always forgets.

Small and slight and doesn't hesitate to headbutt people to death in the Crucible, the same way she doesn't hesitate to look down a god and grind them beneath her boot.

Larger than life. More than a single life, especially when she looks at you and sees all you ever were and could be, good and bad. All the times he succumbed to the Dark instead to walking out like he took a dip in the ocean, when entire planets didn't survive it.

And she barely takes up room on the bed as he tucks the covers around them both.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into the sheets. "I forgive you," he whispers against their knuckles as he presses his mouth to them. "Thank you," he whispers when they finally manage to look him in the eye.

#destiny #nana writes #nana's ocs #feros 8 #schala 2 #hurt/comfort #d2 fic

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prideandpen · 2 years ago

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not to be all boo-hoo my dad died and now i’ll never be happy again because like. obviously that’s not true. but like. im so fucking angry. if there was one good thing this year gave me it was the acceptance that I do still want to write to publish and make something of myself as an author and i had been intending on really trying to figure out how to make that happen and now? now I have been without a job since june when i left my shit retail job and been dragging my feet on finding a new one because i have been so incredibly fortunate enough to be able to live with parents who haven’t needed or expected me to put up rent

and i really thought that maybe 2023 was going to be my year, because it couldn’t possibly be worse than the bullshit ive been through this year. and now my dad is dead. and not only is that so painful because of all the things I probably should have done differently and because his doctors basically killed him by being careless and negligent and not very good people doctors but also because even with my brother moving back in im really going to have to try and find my footing again in a job im all but guaranteed to hate and struggle in which will no doubt wreck my energy and ability to create.

i really thought for a while that maybe I was finally getting closer to being happy. like generally as a whole happy - like with my life instead of good moments and good times in the midst of everything being a struggle. i thought i was going to find my way. thought that in six months I’ll be thirty and finally fucking free of my twenties and it’s got to get better, right? because i’ve been trying and putting in the work to get better and be better. and the last ten years have been such a constant challenge and now i have to turn 30 without my Dad. how can i be excited to move on to the next part of my life, the part that I thought was going to be progress and movement and finally finding the light at the end of a very long tunnel. it’s such a fucking joke like. am i just not supposed to be happy in this lifetime? is that it? i exist to keep the peace and slog through and enjoy nothing but moments and things and never find contentment? i’ll do it but it’s so fucking ridiculous any time i ever start feeling like maybe there’s a chance for me, maybe i can do it, other people get to be happy, get to be content, get to be someone or make something of their lives i am proven wrong.

my journals have years worth of entries that end with the determination to be hopeful that slowly achingly slowly morphed into the decision to believe rather than just hope. and i just don’t see the point any more when all it ever gets me is a new hole to dig myself out of

i don’t know what im doing with my life. i never have. and now it’s like life is just doing away with me because i couldn’t figure it out in time. just gonna shuffle me away into the corner somewhere to let me gather dust like a forgotten project. Even if I do somehow figure out now it’s always going to be a little bitter

#just some diary posting

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rvxscreams · 1 year ago

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im genuinely grappling with the decision of whether to live or die

ive told myself the last few years, in order to get through each day, "you can either choose to end your life now, or accept that youll be alive for another long time, so why not try and make that time left more bearable?". this usually works. i think whats scaring me about where my mind is going is that the solution is slowly becoming "well then maybe i'll end my life instead"

maybe because im a coward. a coward who isnt strong enough to confront or challenge myself with the things i need to do in order to get better. ive always tried so damn hard to take accountability, be compassionate, supportive, and strong. but i havent been able to be strong for months now.

im stuck between a rock and a hard place. it always results in me punishing myself no matter what choice i make. i want to reach out to loved ones and ask for support? get fucked, youre selfish and manipulative for forcing others to give that emotional tax to you without you giving anything to them in months. but oh, you want to just quietly disappear and not make a theatrical out of fear of being attention seeking, so you dont ask for help or talk to anyone for weeks on end? youre a stubborn baby who cant accept help so theres no point in helping you because all you ever do is refuse it

i am a bad person. and i wish i stopped deluding myself into thinking im not, because all that does is skirt accountability.

i hate expressing how much pain and agony im in because itll just upset people. but then offing myself would upset them more. but i need to feel community and connection. and i feel like it's too late to come back from my isolation. how can i just come back in pretending like nothing happened? how can i pretend that i dont wanna kill myself every god damn fucking day and that ive spent months of having my biggest achievement be "i didnt hurt myself"

i cant get through a therapy session without sobbing. i cant think about my old life without having a breakdown. i try so. so. so. fucking hard. to amp myself up to reach out to people, but it's so easy to convince ymself that my presence will receive a strong negative response. like. why bother? i have no positive impact on others. i dont know why im still holding on and deluding myself into thinking it's worth doing so.

im stupid. no matter what i think or feel, my brain manages to find the negative in it and turn it into makign it my fault somehow.

ive always thought i am too weak for this world, and that has become apparent again.

i wish i could be strong.

i wish i could go to bed excited for what the next day will bring, instead of hoping that it'll be my last conscious thought.

im sorry.

this isnt a goodbye note. i am safe but i am not okay at all. im sorry for the heaviness of this. i dont want to be an emotioonal burden any more. i dont want to be thsi way. i just watn this pain to end. i just want it to all go away.

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naturaldisasturrr · 2 years ago

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November 13th, 2022

Hello Tumblr,

it’s been so long since I’ve actually blogged or even wrote down a real feeling. I remember back in the day where you were my fondest outlet, I shared every bit of myself on here. I guess you can say I don’t even know who I am anymore..

I wish I could say I remember the person I use to be, but she’s become such a distant memory. All I know nowadays is the trauma I’ve endured throughout my life as well as all the negative shit that’s been going on.

Does anyone even get on here anymore?

I can’t even say my hearts been hurting, because truthfully i think it’s been hurt so many times over and over again that everything just started to hurt a little less. I’ve been feeling betrayed, disgusted, annoyed, ashamed, bitter, broken. The universe has definitely been testing my strength recently and I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

I feel like I spent my whole relationship trying to save it and trying to be wanted by this certain someone that I never saw my self worth, I never got to understand that I was worth so much more than I gave my self credit for. I as already in such a low place that just knowing someone loved me for once was just enough for me. I was focused on giving someone who I thought they deserved instead of focusing on what I truly deserved.

I guess everything over the years everything that has happened as slowly built up and now I am completely drained and exhausted. I feel like I’ve exhausted every option and that there’s nothing else more to save something we both want but know that it’s no longer healthy.

We talk about a generational curse about how are parents got divorced and literally hate each other and that we want to break that curse.. but with everything happening lately I’ve been thinking what if breaking our generational curse wasn’t staying together but being able to co-parent healthy for our daughter learning how to come together and create a healthy dynamic for her by being able to be two loving parents supporting each other supporting our daughter so she can live a healthy home.

I don’t believe that things have to end ugly, I also don’t believe that just because we chose to separate means we have to get a divorce.. i guess what i’m saying is things sometimes need to fall or grow apart to be able to come back together better in the end.

We are both very strong headed and hearted people and we let our pride take the lead because we both want what we think is best but sometimes whats best is taking a step back and realizing that right now all were doing is damaging what we have left to make a better relationship to be able to be a family.

Im starting to understand that I have a lot of healing and accepting to do.

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rommahh · 3 years ago

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[oh no, am I the drama😈 I think I’m the drama. This is apart of my love on tour series, sorry not sorry. ]

“Five years?” You choke out walking into Harry’s office in his New York penthouse. Harry looks up from his laptop with shocked eyes. The realization settles in, his Marvel partnership got released. He closes his laptop slowly, rising from his chair cautiously.

“Five years?” You repeat voice rising.

“Can we just sit dow-“ He tries.

“No! How could you just do something like this and not talk to me about it?” Harry is taken aback not feeling like he has to reason with you.

“This is my career! I don’t have to hold back on anything.” He snaps. He leans forward on his hands that rest on the desk. You both glare at each other- tension forming.

“This is our relationship you prick! We are going to get married and now I’m reading that you’re going to be filming on and off in Australia?” Your phone with the news article is clutched tight in your hands.

“It’s no big deal, you’ll just come with me.”

You scoff, “I’ll come with you? I’m supposed to give up my life to watch you act in another country? Do you hear yourself?”

“Im not going to argue with you about this shit. I have a career to maintain. I wish you would be a little more supportive.” His eyes drop, sadness creeping up his throat.

“I am supportive!” Your defense came out quick, offended that he would say something so dumb. “So supportive that I dropped everything to come on tour with you!”

“Then why are you in here yelling at me? Why aren’t you happy for me?” He yells, face red with rage. That fury attacks you in full force making you flinch at his tone.

“Fine Harry. Tell me this then. When you accepted the offer did you think about our wedding or marriage? Did you think about our lives together? Our conversations of buying a new house and settling down? I know you’re a celebrity and you have dreams but what about me? What about my dreams? Why are you the only one in this relationship who can have the things they want?” Your tone is low, not matching is sweltering anger. “Why are we getting married if you can’t even discuss life altering things like this with me?”

Harry is left quiet, leaving you time to leave his office and slam the door behind you. You storm down the hall and Into your bedroom, your chest burning with the onslaught of emotions that were taking over your mental state.

You go to your side of the bed, your side of the bed where you’ve planted the roots of your being in this mans house. A picture frame of you two hugging sat on the nightstand next to your pill case and tpwk water bottle. In the drawers of the night stand were some of your magazines and a spare inhaler for Harry just in case he had an emergency. On the bed was a king size fluffy blanket that you often found your self burrowed under, when you are in New York, with Harry lying right beside you.

The bedroom smelled of you two. Harry’s oak smelling cologne and your warm vanilla body oils that Harry stole sometimes so he could smell like you.

This was a apart of your life with Harry. Your life with Harry. A life that he seemingly never wrote you into. Five years was a long amount of time for Harry to plan into the future. Did he fit a wedding into that five year plan? A baby? What about your home?

The bed calls to you to lie in it, and you do. Something settled into your stomach pulling you deep into your bed. It wasnt often that your depression got triggered by something, your anxiety was something that was easily triggered. Something about the way that Harry moved ten steps in front of you instead of walking alongside you made you feel low.

It was hours since your argument. Harry normally would go and comfort you immediately but today, he didnt feel like he was on the wrong side of the argument. He doesn't understand why you are being so pragmatic about this decision. Youre acting as If he won't take you along with him.

Deciding that he was done with the avoidance, he walks from the office into the bedroom. The room was illuminated by the slowly descending sun. He could see your body laying under the covers and you scrolling through your phone.

He stepped past the door to end of the bed where your feet lay. You curl your legs up making room for him to sit down.

“Are you ok?” He ask quietly.

“No.” Your tone was short. Harry’s head drops, annoyance running in his blood.

“Why are you being like this? I signed an amazing deal to improve my life, our life!” He snaps. You sit up in the bed looking at Harry as if he lost his mind.

“You signed an amazing deal? You signed a deal without any discussion with your future wife! We discussed marriage, finishing tour, children, not five years of filming.” Your voice is low, every word punctuated with fierceness.

“Why cant you just let me have this?”

“You have everything!” You explode. The anger reached its peak, burning, bubbling, and crackling to overflow from the volcano of emotions you are feeling. “You have everything. You have millions of fans, millions of dollars, you have me! What about me Harry.”

You start to cry. Anger simmering into sadness. Why wasn’t he hearing you?

“Im going to do this Y/N.” He finally says. “This is a big moment for my career. It could do so much for me.”

“And what about me? What about the life we were planning?” You sob. Harry feels bad now. His heart clenches at every tear drop that fall off of your face.

“We could move everything back?” Wrong answer.

“You want to move having a baby back? For your career?” You gasp. Harry shuts his eyes tight trying to form the right words. He leans forward to rest his elbows in his knees. “Do you hear yourself?”

It’s quiet again, the space only being filled with the sounds of your crying and Harry’s hammering heart.

He sits up looking at you. “I love you, I do, but I need this for me. I need you to want this for me.”

He’s desperate, grasping at straws.

“Fuck you Harry.” You spit untangling yourself from your blankets. You stand in a hurry rushing into the closet to find your travel suitcase. Harry stands quickly following you. You pack away your clothes haphazardly.

“What-what are you doin? Your leaving because of what? Please talk to me.” Harry felt nervous watching you cry over the suitcase. You stand standing parallel to him.

“I won’t come second. I’ve done it for year and I can’t do it anymore. Since One Direction I have come second. We haven’t gotten engaged because I waited for you to find a good place in your career, we haven’t even discussed a baby because I know you’re too distracted with every other thing! I’m sick of it.” You yell. Frustration seeped out through the tone of your voice.

“So what do you want to do then? We aren’t going anywhere and I can’t back out of this deal.” He inquires with a calm tone.

With shaky hands your hand hand goes to your left hand slowly pulling the ring off. Harry feels himself become sick.

“No please.” You only nod taking his hand and placing the ring in his palm.

“I love you but we are going in circles. Im not saying we should be done forever but maybe we need a little break.” You whisper. Hot tears roll down both of your faces.

“Why though? We’re ok? We’re ok.” Harry cries.

“Just a little break, I need to think and- and you have a show that you have to fly out to tonight. I’m going to stay at my moms back home and when we are ready- we will talk.”

This wasn’t something you expected to happen. You expected to be on the same page as Harry, after both the us and international tours were done- you and Harry would start your new life. There was going to be a wedding and a baby and a new house and now there seems to be nothing.

Part two

#harry styles x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles imagine #harry styles x y/n #harry styles one shot #harry styles #harry x reader #harry styles love on tour #harry styles smut #Harry styles angst

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another-stark-sub · 3 years ago

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“Are you in love with him?” - Tony Stark Imagine

Notes: I wrote and editted this in two hours instead of going over my notes. Was gonna be spicy fluffy but it just turned into fluffy, and one of the lines/paragraphs (smth like that i dont remember how long that segment was) is based on/inspired by a fanfic on ao3 I bookmarked. I think it’s debt-free, but I could be wrong. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and I’m so sorry im not on here more oftennnnn

- - -

“Of course I am. He’s Tony Stark.” You sighed, a weight finally lifted off your chest. “Who isn’t in love with him?”

Bruce blinked a few times, the confusion evident on his face. “Then, why don’t you tell him?”

You scoffed. These geniuses think they know everything, but they couldn’t see what was glaringly obvious to you. “He’s Tony Stark.”

The perplexed expression didn’t disappear from your friend’s expression. So, you explained further, “It’s already a privilege, beyond that really, to be talking to you, to any Avenger. To work with any of you is an honor, and to be friends with you” -you laughed- “it shouldn’t even be possible for someone like me.”

“Don’t say that. You’re amazing, too.”

You tried to find any tick, any clue that he was lying. But Bruce seemed to really believe this. “I know I’m amazing.” You shrugged. “I’m great. I love and I care deeply, and I have a stable job. I have a place for myself, and I take care of myself.” You clicked your tongue. “However, you all, all you Avengers… Forget out of my league, more like off planet.

“And Tony? He said it himself. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Add superhero, figurehead, public figure, ex-CEO, and savior of the universe. Bruce, I have confidence in myself, but Tony is something else entirely. No one is worthy of him or his affections unless they’re a god or another Avenger.”

It was hard to keep up with the statistical analysis you were trying to run. The literal one on your hologram and the one keeping your view of Tony in check. So, defeated, you sighed and leaned back in your chair.

Bruce closed his own work and stood across the lab bench. “Weirdly enough, I’m sure none of us Avengers think that way.” After a few taps of his pen against his palm, he added, “Aren’t there fans making posts about you, too? Tony showed me the, uh, Instagram videos.”

You laughed. “Fan edits don’t make an Avenger. Saving the world does.”

He shrugged. “You help us save the world.”

“From inside Avengers Tower on a computer.” You took a deep breath. “Look, Bruce, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But, I’m not telling him.” You shrugged and brought your statistical analysis back up.

You knew your own worth. You were worthy of an amazing partner and person. Tony Stark, though, was easy beyond that. You had accepted it soon after you realized your own feelings, and while they haven’t dwindled, you knew it was for the best.

~ - ~

Tony had never resorted to this before. It was never a question of his ability to code. In the past, it was because he didn’t need a program or an AI to do it for him. He could always tell if someone was into him. He knew when Pepper was into him. The moment Rhodey gazed at him back in their MIT days. Every single reporter and heiress and model he slept with, he knew when their thoughts turned sexual or romantic.

You, though. With you, he couldn’t fucking tell, and he knew it was because of his own feelings. Tony felt intensely for people before. Pepper, Rhodey, that one reporter all those years ago. However, with you, it wasn’t just that fluttery feeling in his gut or the immediate smile he can’t seem to stop when he sees you. It was the comfort he felt when he heard your voice or the softness he could feel in his heart when he saw a picture of you.

It was like his entire life was full of panic, never resting, never stopping. But when you entered his life with a gentle smile and a quick wit, it felt like he could finally breathe.

It was addicting.

“Sir, I have the calculations.”

“Hit me.”

“Speech diagnostics of you and of Ms. (Y/l/n) are similar. Whenever you speak of her, 79.4% is positive and 18.8% is neutral. Ms. (Y/l/n) has 78.9% positive and 17.2% neutral dialogue regarding you. When she speaks of you, her heartrate increases by 4.6%, and similarly, yours increases by 4.1%. When speaking to each other, heartrate initially increases by 7%.”

Tony nodded. “How does this compare to other Avengers? I gush about Banner like a teenager.”

“Well, sir, while you and Ms. (Y/l/n) have high positive dialogue about other Avengers, all of them have at least a 10% decrease compared to each other. And heartrate varies depending on the topic of conversation.”

Tony snapped his fingers. “Am I excluding all non-super friends? Include any agents, co-workers. Pep isn’t an Avenger after all.”

Friday took two seconds and responded. “You and Ms. (Y/l/n) have a significant difference in speech diagnostics when talking about or to each other compared to any other Avenger, co-worker, and friend.”

When Tony remained quiet, Friday added, “Do you want me to repeat the results?”

“You don’t need to, Friday.”

“But you’re not doing anything with the new information. Would you like me to save these findings?”

“Friday,” Tony warned.

There was silence as the love-wrecked scientist pressed his fist between his brows. Data and cold hard facts said yes, but was it right?

“Sir?”

“Yes, Fri?”

“Would you like me to play examples for you?”

He blinked. “Examples?”

“Yes. Of you and her talking about each other positively.”

It was an invasion of privacy. Tony shouldn’t.

“Play examples.”

Before his rational mind could tell Friday no.

“Are you in love with him?”

Tony’s eyes widened. This was too private. It might not even be about him.”Friday-”

“Of course I am.”

“-stop playback.”

“He’s Tony Sta-”

“Playback stopped.”

Tony scrambled. “What? No, wait, go back. Play it.” Screw rational. You knew he was a narcissist. You wouldn’t expect him to hear that and stop.

“He’s Tony Stark. Who isn’t in love with him?”

“Then, why don’t you tell him?”

“... He’s Tony Stark.”

Tony started to fiddle with something on his desk. “What does that mean?”

Friday answered, “Dr. Banner asked her if she loved you, and she said yes. This means that she’s in love with you.”

Why did he program Friday like this? “I know that. I mean, those two lines. Why does me being Tony Stark stop her from saying something?” Was it the attention? Did you want some sort of normal life away from cameras and international gossip? Maybe it was the Avenging. Having a partner who was always out risking death wasn’t ideal.

Sure, you could be in love with him. But you couldn’t be with him.

“Maybe you should ask her.”

There were celebrities who were able to live normal lives. Some paid to have prosthetics for going outside of moved to a remote country to get out of the spotlight. He thrived off attention, but he could give that up. Avenging, he couldn’t give that up, but maybe he could cut back. Take a mission a month instead of one a week. Or maybe take more digital missions. He wasn’t just Iron Man after all. He was a genius, could hack into the Pentagon if he really wanted to.

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe I could talk to her.”

~ - ~

The moment you put your bag down on your lab table, Tony said, “You’re gonna be mad.”

You narrowed your brows. “What did you do?” You pressed your palm to your chest. “Oh my god, Peter overwrote my data, didn’t he? Ugh, I know he said he’s great at managing holograms, but really, Tone, you should’ve given him a tutorial before giving him access.” You brought up your holograms to check your data and analysis.

“That’s not it.” Tony stood next to you as you looked through your files. “I did something that invaded your privacy.”

You tilted your head. Closing the holograms, you took a deep breath and slowly asked, “How?”

Tony flashed an embarrassed grin before sighing. “You’re gonna be shocked, too, so prepare yourself.”

You did not know where this was going at all. What horrible thing could Tony have done? Steeling yourself, you took a deep breath and nodded at him to continue.

Tony cleared his throat. “Usually, I can tell when someone has feelings for me. People are obvious about it, but you? You aren’t. So, I had Friday do some analysis on our speech patterns. Me, being in love with you, was one of my controls. You and your dialogue regarding me was the main variable.

“Long story short, I accessed some audio of you and Bruce talking, and you said that you loved me but could never tell me.” He glanced at you. “So that’s why I need to apologize.”

Your expression didn’t change. No, that wasn’t it. You, at first, looked confused. Now, there was just nothing. No expression. No wrinkled brow in anger of flushed cheeks in embarrassment. Nothing.

Tony blinked. “You can shout at me now. If you were confused about when to shout at me.”

You licked your lips before taking a deep breath. “Ok, that was a lot.” You pursed your lips then opened it. But, you couldn’t really think of anything to say. You didn’t even know how to feel. “So you know that I” -you pointed at yourself and then at him- “and that I didn’t wanna tell you.” You shook your head. “Wait, do you know why I didn’t want to tell you?”

A broken scoff left Tony’s lips. “Yeah. I’m a mess.”

It was your turn to scoff. “Wait, you’re a mess? That’s why you think I don’t want to tell you?”

“Among other reasons?”

Other reasons?

You crossed your arms. “Ok, what other reasons?”

Tony looked offended. Still, he listed, “I’m surrounded by cameras, and everyone wants some privacy. Can’t get it if you’re with me. Then, there’s the Iron Man of it all. I went into a wormhole with a nuke. That was also all over the news. Then, there’s the whole daddy issues thing. I’m working on it, but it takes a while-”

He rambled on and on, listing reason after reason, and with each one, you felt tears well up in your eyes. It was a weird mix of heartbreaking, confusing, and enraging. The emotions built up slowly with each word that left his mouth, overwhelming you to the point that you couldn’t even say how it happened.

But, as Tony paced and talked so horribly about himself, you somehow ended up in front of him with your hands on his cheeks.

You only realized it when Tony stopped talking and when his breath touched your lips. “What?” he asked.

You didn’t answer. You kissed him instead.

It was a hard press of your lips against his. It was short, and it wasn’t much.

But by the way Tony gripped the back of your neck and pulled you back for another kiss, you’d think it was his first kiss. You knew it wasn’t. Not just because you knew he had kissed all sorts of people before you, but because he somehow knew how to make you gasp and melt into him.

While one hand kept you steady, the other trailed down your back and pulled you closer to him. His lips moved fluidly against yours, pushing and pulling, and everytime he moved back, you chased his lips to continue the kiss, because the softness, the passion, the fact it was finally happening, was all too good. You didn’t want it to stop.

Your hands started to move. For someone so rich, his t-shirt was rough when you twisted it between your fingers and pulled it to you. Slowly, you trailed your fingers along the side of his neck. You rubbed your thumb along his pulse point, a reminder that this was indeed real. You were kissing Tony Stark, and- He was pulling away again.

Desperate, you leaned forward, reached around to hold onto his shoulder, and kissed the side of his neck.

He let out a breathy laugh, and before you could suck on his skin, his stubble scratched your cheek.

You looked up at him and giggled when his nose bumped into yours. When your giggles turned into a smile, he kissed you again, a soft and short kiss, before leaning his forehead against yours.

His thumbs rubbed circles into your waist as you lightly scratched the back of his neck. He didn’t say anything. In fact, he seemed busy gazing at you.

“Speechless, Stark?” you teased.

He laughed. For a few seconds, he just gazed at you, seeming to prove your point. Tony’s hand began to wander, from stroking your cheek to pushing back your hair. “More confused.”

Remembering why you interrupted him, you brought your hands to his cheeks again and held him there so he couldn’t look away from you. “You are amazing, Tony. That’s the reason I didn’t want to tell you.” You shrugged. “You’re too good for me.”

His fidgeting stopped. “Well, that’s not true.”

“Tony, you’re an Avenger.”

“Technically, you are also an Avenger.”

“You’re a genius.”

“Who can’t cook scrambled eggs.”

“You literally saved the universe.”

“After producing weapons of mass destruction for decades.”

You glared at him.

He glared back. Then, he fought back. “I don’t plan on retiring.”

“Wouldn’t want you to.”

“I have severe PTSD, anxiety, maybe ADHD, all mixed with trauma galore.”

“And I will learn to help you.”

“I couldn’t give you a normal life.”

“I’d rather have you anyway.”

He opened his mouth, but you instead told him, “I’d rather have you than anything. As long as, well, for as long as you’ll have me.”

He raised his eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“Positive.”

Tony shook his head with a smile. “Cause, I’d rather have you for, well, how does til you get tired of me sound?”

You laughed. “Won’t happen. But, sure.” You kissed him again.You would’ve kept going, but there was something to settle first. “By the way, Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Friday recording right now?”

“Friday records everything. It’s in the contract.”

Friday added, “I record everything that happens in the tower.”

“Ok.” You could work with that. “I’ll forgive you for the invasion of privacy.”

Tony beamed, and you couldn’t help your own smile when he did. Still, you continued, “On one condition.” Your own smile turned devious. “I want evidence that Star Spangled Banner took my ice cream.”

Tony burst out laughing. He kissed you again, a deep kiss, and when he was done, he mumbled, “God, I love you,” against your lips.

#tony stark x reader #tony stark imagine #tony stark oneshot #tony stark #mcu x reader #mcu imagine #mcu oneshot #tony stark fluff #im so sorry im not on here oftennnnnnnnnnnn #dentla schools too busy and i dont wike it #thats not true i do like it its just busy and stressful and doesnt give me time to write #and smut takes me longer to write than fluff #so i can only write fluff rnnnnnn #anyway i miss you all #love you all #hope the universe treats you welllll

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timotheechlamett · 3 years ago

Note

hi!! im completely obsessed with your writing! I wanted to know if you could do a regulus/sirius au where instead of death eaters they have like a dark vampire ritual type thing for baby vamps??

RITE OF PASSAGE

I loved writing this, regardless if it’s good, I’m proud of it so I hope you enjoy, sorry it’s so long.🖤

WARNINGS: self-harm trigger by description. angst, parental abuse, mention off death, mention of suicidal thoughts, blood, blood drinking, erotic blood drinking, arranged marriage, alcohol.

Word count: 2.5K

______________________

I was raised to be a blood-lusted monstrosity, a demon who survives off taking life, innocent or not— To be evil.

The day finally came that I was sat down to go over the ceremony and what I needed to do in order to become one of them.

“First you will make your entrance, your garments will be fitted later today seeing as we only have a week…” I tune my mother out.

I was raised to accept the standards set by generations before me, centuries ago. The standards of sexist men and upmost bigotry.

Did I want this?

“Then you recite the prayer, drink from the Black brothers, and fate shall choose your match.” I look up to meet my mother’s proud face, I felt sick.

‘Fate shall choose your match’

But what really is fate? It is not my fate to live as I’m bred and follow a man’s every wish and command. Be a pet. I was not fated to give away every ounce of my freedom. Yet if I didn’t, death was very possible whether I went through with the ritual or not.

Then again death might be better.

“Yes Maman.” I answer robotically. She shoves a tome into my hands open to the Re-Birth Prayer.

“There is no room for mistake, do you understand me?” My mother’s stare burning holes through where my eyes sit in my skull.

I give a nod maintaining eye contact.

She pulls the switch from her dress pocket striking me across my knuckles, “You will always use your words with me, am I understood?” She bends down to my level.

“Yes Mother.” I grit out through clenched teeth, the burn of the newly formed welts making the anger rise in me even more.

“You’re dismissed, you better have memorized the Prayer or so help me Gods.” She turns walking towards the other half of the house as I make my way to my room.

Hot tears of frustration, blinding anger, sadness, and fear sting the rims of my eyes.

I do not want this.

I close the door and set the tome on my bed face up staring at the page as I let the tears pour from me.

I do not wish to die, I only wish to have a choice. But being born into a pureblood family, you solemnly get one.

——

Three days passed before I was called down to meet ‘special visitors’ here to see me. Ordered to wear my most flattering dress, be on my best behavior.

Nero, our house elf popped in at a bright and early 6 AM to get me ready for the day. My dress bearing the peaks of my breasts, hair down in its natural state, Nero fixed the deep bags under my eyes with a simple spell.

I slip my shoes on and make my way down the wide spiral stairs with my back straight, chin up, Nero walking ahead of me.

Two boys- Men, await me near the bottom.

“Miss Y/L/N, Sirius and Regulus Black.” Nero introduces.

I reach the marble floor stalking slowly towards them, a snobbish look taking over my face as I drink them in.

I give a slight curtesy and in return they bow unanimously. If the circumstances were different I might say they were attractive, beautiful even.

Regulus meets my gaze, making me drop character for a moment. His eyes piercing like icicles, his lips a perfect fullness and pink, though his brother is just as carved— Regulus is like an angel to common muggles.

“Gentleman, would you like a drink? Yea maybe?” I offer distantly as I break my stare from Regulus.

“Chamomile-“

“Whiskey if you have it.” They cut into each others reply.

I quirk my eyebrow making sure it’s nearly undetectable, “Nero make a pot of chamomile and bring our finest whiskey.” I turn to her.

“Yes Miss.”

I look to them before turning to walk towards the foyer, “Come.”

___

I sip my tea as we sit in silence like we have for the past 15 minutes, give or take, Sirius has a three-finger full glass of Ogden’s. Regulus a teacup of spiked chamomile per his brother’s persistence.

Regulus opens and closes his mouth multiple times and after another beat of silence, “So which of us is it?” Sirius speaks up.

“Pardon?” I glare.

“Which of us are you pulled to? That’s really all we’re here for.”, Sirius takes a sip from the crystal, “Our parents want to see if there’s a connection already.” Regulus finishes, running his thumb along the rim of the cup.

I set my own down mid sip, staring at them in disbelief of the forwardness.

“A pull? Connection?” I question.

Another beat of silence fills the air, Regulus shifts in his chair clearly uncomfortable, “Oh why don’t we cut the shit. There’s no use taking the piss.” Sirius lets out a sarcastic chuckle, Regulus looks deeply into his tea glass.

“If we’re being honest, I have no feelings for either of you besides distaste.” I say through gritted teeth, my free hand clutching my dress with deadly pressure.

I look between the two brothers before eyeing the whiskey for a moment, then turning my vision back to them, “Do you want any?” Regulus pipes up.

I sit back in my seat taken aback, before chewing the inside of my cheek and shaking my head softly.

Women weren’t allowed hard liquor in a formal setting, it’s a “rule”. Though I desired it to make this interaction less awkward and bearable.

I can feel Regulus’ eyes on me as I focus harshly on the array of snacks in front of us, he grabs another teacup and the whiskey, filling it halfway before placing it near my own.

Sirius downs the rest of his whiskey, “That’s all I needed to hear, we’ve done our part Reg. Let’s go.”

Regulus looks to me, still staring at finger sandwiches, then back to his brother, “Go if you’d like. Tell mother I’ll be back later.” He keeps his eyes trained on me.

Sirius scoffs before belting out a simple ‘Okay’ and apparates. I look at Regulus confused.

“Why are you still here, you should follow your brother.” I take the cup he set down and bring it to my lips taking a long pull.

“I fear my brother has rather clouded judgment. He wants no part in this, this arrangement. But you’re not like many others.”

We stare at each other before we both sip from our cups.

“And if we’re being honest,” He takes another sip, “When I first saw you it felt as if my chest caved into itself because of your beauty.” A pink tint paints his cheeks as he speaks, “You may not feel a pull but only time will tell, the ceremony is in four days. Only time will tell. But I feel in my heart your personality outmatches your outward beauty.”

He downs the rest of his cup as I’m left speechless, he stands, “I apologize for my brothers broodiness, he can be a bit..” He bites his bottom lip in thought.

“Obstinate?” I meet his eyes again.

“Exactly.” He gives a half grin, “It was nice to meet you, I’m glad they gave us the chance before sending us in blind as usual.” He rubs the back of his neck.

“I wish I could say the same but, I will say you’re more pleasant than your brother.” I smirk.

And with a last grin, he was gone.

——

My mother helps pull my gown up and places our family necklace on me as I slide on different silver rings.

“You know how important it is to this family.” My mother smooths my hair under the jeweled serpent head-piece.

“How could I forget.” I say curtly.

“Watch. Your. Tone.” She snarls pulls my corset with force, making me gasp in surprise.

“We are fortunate enough the Black family offered their own blood to turn you, you have to be perfect.” Mother pulls the black veil over my head as her voice fills with venom as she looks me over.

“You’ve gained weight since the fitting.” I grimace at her words.

“And if it does not go the way we intend, you will regret the day you were born, I know I will.” Her eyes bore into mine with poisonous anger, nostrils flaring slightly, “You have one duty to this family, turn and create more pureblood heirs. That’s all you can be useful for.”

Usually it was easy to take her words of disdain, I blame the high energy of the night on my emotions as the tears start to form— I quickly choke them back.

“Yes, Maman. I will do good, I promise.”

She takes a step back to look at me one last time and for a second I thought I saw empathy, “It’s almost time, you know what to do.” She walks towards the door leaving me to stare at myself.

“Mother?” I choke out and turning to meet her back. She turns to look at me with question.

“I am scared.” I speak out barely audible.

She closes her eyes for a split second and inhales deeply, “You will do fine, you will be okay.” She turns back around half-slamming the door as she leaves.

‘You will be okay.’

Would I?

——

Standing on the other side of the doors I couldn’t help the sweat leaking from my palms, this is literally do or die. I close my eyes and bow my head, praying to whoever listens that I can make it through.

Breathe. Just breathe. You’re okay. You’re okay.

The doors open, queueing my entrance.

I look up seeing the 26 families and their kin parted in half, at the end of the walkway, the Black family is stood in a circle with my own. A small gap between everyone for me to Mae way, the Blood priest in the middle of them.

I stride my way down to them, not daring to look anywhere but straight. I step up and move forward towards the priest, a book in hand, a podium with a chalice, an inverse cross behind him.

I kneel before the priest and bow my head, he says nothing as he lifts his left hand holding his pointer and middle up together, other fingers held down by his thumb.

“We gather today for the Rebirth of Y/N Y/L/N-” His voices echoes through the room, “As she takes place of House Y/L/N’s next newborn.”

“From the vein of brothers,” He pulls a dagger out, “I fill this holy chalice with the blood of House Black.”

He walks to the right, taking Sirius’s hand and making an incision, he lets out a hiss as the priest holds the chalice under his leaking hand. He then makes his way to Regulus, no sound emits from him as the priest repeats the action.

I flicker my eyes up catching Regulus staring at my veil before averting my gaze back down. The priest stands before me before removing the veil as it turns to nothing in his hand.

“Stand, my child. The prayer.” I slowly brings my eyes up, bringing myself to full height, keeping focus on the man in front of me.

I hesitate a moment before starting the beginning of a new life. Signing my freedom away to Alukah, one foot in the grave.

“I consecrate this circle in the name of the Most High God, that it may be, I seek to become one with Him. I ask for the shield and protection of the most valiant God, invincible Alukah, in the battle against intervening spirits and power—“ I pause as he hands me the chalice.

I hold it with both hands over his before drinking the crimson liquid, the metallic taste off blood mixed with lavender and vanilla coats my tongue.

It feels like the burn of a million razor cuts tainted with salt, yet in the same breath it felt like winter frost taking over the life of a flower. My eyes widened as I feel my heart stop, then beat again slowly.

A silvery dust surrounds me, slowly it intertwines with the red glitter around my mate’s body.

“As you accept this rebirth, you must give your body nourishment,” The priest looks back, “Or certain death will consume you wholly.” His words heavy in my soul.

The only thing I could smell and taste is blood, lavender, and vanilla. The source being him. I could feel his pulse in my bones and his heartbeat so closely in my eardrums.

I face him before continuing my prayer, “I ask that you bless this sacrifice in the name of my holiness.” I say in almost a whisper before the priest drags sage smoke across my body, shaped in an upside down cross.

My brain becomes foggy, so much so it makes me forget this wasn’t what I wanted. I don’t want to be a monster, I don’t want anything to do with the Black brothers, I don’t want to die if I fail. I don’t want to live this life.

Instead that feeling filled with a thirst, unquenchable by any liquid other than blood. It’s too late.

His blood.

Pumping through his body, keeping him alive.

His blood.

The one thing in this world I wanted.

His blood.

I felt a subtle wind surround me as I stare him down. Our two auras mixing to become one.

Rose gold flecks surround us, I take steps back towards him. The burning within my body getting worse, the thirst driving me mad.

Only him.

I stand in front of his body leaning into his neck, taking in the smell of lavender and vanilla, along with the sweet smell of his vampiric blood. I wrap a hand around the back off his neck, looking into his eyes.

He meets my gaze, his own glossed over in lust, wanton, a different type of thirst than my own.

I grab his hand intertwining mine with his fingers, finally bearing my teeth to latch onto his wrist, I close my eyes in bliss.

An erotic moan escapes Regulus’s lips as he rolls his own eyes back. The erotic nature of the act eliciting a moan from me as well.

I dig my teeth deeper into his flesh, pulling more of the sweet flavored blood, taking a few more seconds before releasing it with a whine.

I look to Regulus with glowing purple irises, my mouth covered in his own blood, meeting his hazy and glazed eyes filled with lust.

“Alukah, an heir has been reborn.” The priest announces, the families rejoice.

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amoristt · 3 years ago

Text

Grazing the Fire | IV

well hello. here i am, four years later, once again enamored with nathan enough to finally dust this baby off and pick up where i left it. im a little rusty so bear with me this chapter! much more to come <3

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this :)! it also helps motivate me!

story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!

Warning: language, very vague s/a mentions

want to support me? heres my kofi!

__________________________

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?”

A few hands raise in the corners of your eye, but yours remains atop your desk. Eyes far away, mind in a murky haze and almost completely unaware. All you could focus on were the memories playing on repeat within the confines of your tired, tired brain. Hours ago, you were warm, you were comfortable. Safe.

Cheeks heated to a dusting blush when you remind yourself just how you had awoken that morning. At some point in the night, an angel had blessed you. Allowed you to wake up wrapped around none other than big, bad, Nathan Prescott. Your face nuzzled into his chest, broad but wiry hands pressed firmly over your shoulder and his arm slung over your waist to keep you against him. Thankfully you had been the first to wake up, blinking away the morning sun blazing through his blinds and painting the room stripes of gold. At that moment, before your headache came crashing down onto your skull, you were astounded by him.

Eye lashes brushing the top of his cheeks, his lips parted ever so slightly, chest rising and falling rhythmically. In that moment, there was no anger, no bitterness. Just a soft and peaceful slumber. It was like being the sole viewer of a magnificent painting- each stroke and detail placed just there just for you to pick out, to remember the curves and sharp edges down to the very foundation. From his unkempt hair down to the way his hand flattened onto the mattress where your indent still lived. Nathan was so beautiful like this.

For a long time you stayed there. It was as though you were afraid to move- you couldn’t bear to disturb him. You had wondered, if he was always like this, so at peace, what would he be like? Likely soft voiced, mild mannered. He’d do his school assignments without hassle and donate to the charity board. He would wander the town with his friends and listen to music in a beat up truck flying down the stretch of highway overlooking the bold, blue, and beautiful ocean. An entirely different version of himself- carefree, and a fair blue as opposed to a burning flame of red.

But, if that were the case, you’d never have gotten here. You’d never been both the outsider, and the only seeing eye. A lucky, albeit firstly unwilling witness to the display of depth before you.

It never hit you like it had quite in that moment how lucky you were.

But- just then- an alarm disturbed what serendipity existed. You nearly leapt out of your skin, clutched your hands to your chest at the sudden sound. A headache wove its way into your once untouched temples. Nathan groaned, mumbled, ‘god damn it’, under his breath, and thus his body was reanimated into life. He rubbed his eyes and he stretched, that familiar scowl coming over his eyes and lips as he took in the sunlight damn near blinding him. A polar opposite to the being you’d appreciated just moments earlier.

“Ugh, fuck, how the fuck is it seven already.” He groaned. “I feel like shit.”

“Well good morning to you too,” You started, welcoming Nathan into the world. “‘I’m feeling pretty shitty as well.”

You said that, but really… You were more than alright. Your head had hurt, slight nausea crept into the wells of your stomach, but other than that you’re sure you were phenomenally better than you’d have been waking up whereverTate would have left your ass.

“You need to get outta here, before everyone gets up.” Nathan drawled, but he didn’t sound as urgent as you expected him to be. You’d expected him to be angry that you were still in his room, but instead he just… accepted it.

You snickered, climbing out of his throne of a bed. “Wow, you’re giving me the morning after treatment?”

“Sure am. Get outta here, whore.”

“Oh fuck you.”

You located your heels from last night, resting upright near his dorm room door. Heels didn’t sound like the most practical to sneak out of a dorm with, so you instead opted to grappling them by the straps and carrying them at your side. Hair a mess, outfit riddled with wrinkles and makeup smudged under your eyes, you stood before Nathan in all your glory. He stared at you for a long, odd moment- and you for some reason felt exposed, or even, shy.

“What?” You ask expectantly, placing a hand on your hip.

His eyes trail to your line of vision. He shakes his head. “Just thinking about how now you really do look like my morning after.”

“Yeah?” You hummed. “Find it hard to believe you get a lot of those.”

Nathan shoots you a suggestive glance. “You’d be surprised. Everyone wants a piece of Prescott.”

Surely, he was joking, or maybe he wasn’t, but you… Didn’t like hearing that. It made your stomach feel odd, uncomfortably heavy. As he stood up, reminding you how many inches he had over your size, you swallowed and cleared your throat to flush out that crappy feeling. “Well,” you started, mood having dropped. “I’m gonna go, then.”

“What got your panties in a twist all the sudden?” He asked, raising a brow and pulling some clothes from his closet, tossing them onto the bed.

The bed you two had shared.

You hated the idea of his morning afters- whoever they may be.

“Not feeling great. Probably a side effect of the roofies.” You mumbled.

Nathan breathed a laugh. “Probably.”

He seemed so calm, right now. Perhaps due to it being so early, before the outside world had a chance to remind him just why he was so uptight all the tight. Before he needed to be so uptight all the time. He really did have so many versions of himself- all of whom you were slowly becoming familiar with. Compared to the person you’d believed him to be before your run ins, you’d never have assumed someone so dangerous could be so soft as last night, as this morning. In the beginning, you’d feared him. Avoided him like a plague, or a wild animal. Even when you were enraptured in the existence of him, you still wanted to keep away. You’d never have believed someone like you could wake up clutched to his chest, as though he were afraid if he released you, you’d be gone long before he woke.

Then, a sudden thought struck your mind.

He’d held you so tight. He’d welcomed you in the morning. No anger, no annoyance. His soft laugh at your banter and taunts. How your heels were standing upright instead of tossed haphazardly into some random corner, where he’d watch your struggle to find.

How he’d stayed awake to ensure your sleep.

“So are you just gonna stand there?” Nathan called you back to reality, hands gripping the hems of his shirt. “I gotta get ready and you need to wash up so you don’t look like a five dollar stripper.” Cruel words, but with absolutely no bite. You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah. But, hey,” You started. “Thank you for last night.”

“Yeah, yeah. You gotta start learning to watch your own back.” He says. “There’s gonna be times I won’t be there to drag your ass out of the fire.”

If you’d been charged, if you’d been stricken with a strange defensiveness, you’d have retorted, ‘than stop helping me’, but… Instead you allowed yourself the comfort of protection. You allowed Nathan Prescott to watch you.

“I know,” You reached for the door. “Thank you.”

With that, you bounded out of the dorm silent as a mouse.

-----------

In hindsight, you should have left earlier. Class was merely 15 minutes away when you slipped out of Nathan's room and bounded towards the women's dorm. Albeit not exactly a long walk, by the time you discreetly snuck back into your own dorm, you had roughly twenty minutes to somehow pick an outfit from your countless unopened boxes and make yourself even slightly presentable.

Wiping off whatever make-up you could get and reapplying it, brushing out the tangles of your hair and nearly tearing off your scalp in the process, scattering your nightclothes over your floor and managing to scrounge out a semi-decent outfit for the day… You still looked a mess. If the mirror could laugh, it would have. Black mascara smudges under your eyes and frizzy untreated hair. What a lovely look.

You’d made it to class just five minutes late, but those five minutes were all it took for all eyes to be on you as you tried to slide into the classroom unnoticed. A couple classmates whispered to their table mates as you passed by, smelling of oversaturated cherry blossom perfume to hopefully cover the scent of alcohol. You sauntered to your seat and sank down with all your weight, suddenly exhausted. You’d made it with just five minutes tainting your record of attendance. The teacher greeted you with a disappointed sigh, and thus, the day began.

But, it was so hard to focus. All you could think about was Nathan.

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?”

You lowered your head.

“Ah, how about, ___?”

You snaked back into reality, blinking up at the chalk board that was somehow already riddled with math equations. Since you hadn’t been paying attention even in the slightest, your mouth gaped wide open, eyes scanning for something you understood even slightly so you didn’t look like a total idiot.

Sadly, you were out of luck. The teacher shook his head. “I’m shocked,” He said. “You're normally so on top of things. Oh well.”

“Oh, I’m sure she was on top of things,” A female voice sniggered behind you “Last night.”

Your face flushed a red, hot, ruby. What the hell was she talking about? How had they found out you were with Nathan? You were so sure of being sneaky, there was no way-

“Her and Tate totally got it on last night.”

You whipped around in your seat, facing girls who looked to be clones of some sort. Both with the same dark eyes, short brown hair, and freckles. “What?”

“Alright-” Your teacher blurted. “That's enough. April, May, enough. Let’s not discuss things outside of the classroom.”

The two girls batted their eyes. “Sorry sir.” One spoke, twirling a hand through her hair. Her sister's wide toothy grin never fumbled.

“Back to it then. Kate, can you help out __ with number four?”

The small, blonde girl nodded quickly, brushing a lock of hair behind her eyes and offering an empathic nod.

As you turned around in your seat, her answer fell on deaf ears. Your heart was racing in your chest, hands balled into fists while you stared ahead blankly.

They couldn’t seriously think that you chose to leave with Tate, could they? Surely someone must have seen the state you were in. Someone other than Nathan.

The clock ticks forward but time feels like it's passing almost unnaturally slow. With just 10 minutes left, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.

‘Nathan: consider ur favor officially returned

Your tongue poked from your lips, the tiniest of smiles taking over your once sullen features. Terrible thoughts and worries flew out the window while you type back, ‘damn. here i was gonna to ask you to do a backflip off the roof with me. there goes my plans.’

Nathan types for a moment. Typing, stopping, typing again.

‘Nathan: soundz like a blast. where and when?’

A small blush heats your cheeks. ‘very funny. thanks to last night i have an entire 24 hour session of studying to catch up with.’

His response is almost instant. ‘Nathan: boringgg. txt me when ur fun.’

Rolling your eyes, you shove your phone back into your pocket. It seems you’ve been able to secure enough of a friendship with him for some mindless banter even outside your little visits. You smile. He’s… Fun to talk to. Surprisingly.

Class comes to an end and you start to pack up the books and papers you’d hardly even glanced at the whole period. Whatever had been upsetting you before is lost in your mind while you think of the morning, the night before. All the things in-between. But, your happiness doesn’t last long. As you get up, you’re almost forced right back into your seat as a weight shoves into your shoulder. Your books scatter to the floor. April, the one who’d remarked about you earlier, glares at you in what looks to be disgust.

“Careful April,” Her sister hums as she saunters past you, keeping distance and raising her already shrill tone of voice. “Might wanna watch where you’re walking- I’d hate for you to catch something from this slut.”

You absolutely gawk at her. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

April scoffs. “Oh come on, like everyone doesn’t know what you were up to last night.”

“Sleeping around isn’t a good color on you.” May hikes her bag over her shoulder and snickers at you. They both leave the class together, sickeningly in sync. You’re left stunned where you stand, unsure how the hell your life came to this so quickly. How you’ve stooped so low that the daughters of the world's most uncreative parents are able to bully you based on something that didn’t even happen.

Next class goes no better. The person to your right, a jockey looking brunette guy, asks, ‘have you ever heard of a Tate?’. You say no, that that’s the dumbest name you’ve ever heard. The idiot grins and goes back to marking down likely wrong answers on his test sheet and you debate kicking the leg of his chair out- but you don’t to avoid even more eyes on you. It makes you sick to your stomach- even more than recovering from the roofies does. How can everyone believe it? You barely even knew the guy and you were clearly uncomfortable with his advances. No one saw that?

After everything you’d worked for to build a reputation, trying so hard to not call out peoples shit for the sake of seeming friendly, tainted over something that didn’t even happen? And the kicker was that it hadn’t even been your fault! He’d drugged you, he’d have taken advantage of you! Yet you were the bad person?

Class came and went in the blink of an eye this time. Your mind wrapped up in the situation, your stomach churning. You wanted the day to be over with but you still had 4 more classes to suffer through. Why was this happening to you? Was Tate being treated just as horribly, or was he getting pats on the backs of his unaware friends?

Wandering down the halls to your locker, you noticed Lance and Kaz hanging around one of the drinking fountains. Your nerves quelled- your friends would surely make you feel much better. Especially since they had witnessed how awful you were feeling as you left. You approach with a relieved smile, ready to say your truth and finally have someone on your side.

“Hey guys.” You smile, but Lance looks down at his feet while Kaz places her hands to his hips. Your smile fades.

“You could have told us you were gonna spend the night with Tate,” Kaz snaps. “You didn’t need to lie like that just to leave. We were all worried about you and it was for nothing.”

“What?” You feel like you could cry. “No, Kaz, I really did try to leave. Tate tried to drug me and take me home, and-”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Lance interrupts, with a frown. He looks back down at the floor with knitted brows. “I’ve known Tate since before time. He wouldn't do something like that, especially not to one of my best friends. Plus he told me he was really into you. Why would he even try?”

“Are you serious?” You sputter. “You think I’d lie about something like that?”

“You’ve been lying about all sorts of things!” Kaz huffs. “What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been so distant, and secretive. What are you hiding that’s making you lie like this? We’re supposed to be your friends and then you lie to our faces just to go and fuck the first guy that shows you attention.”

“What…?” It was like acid. It was like the rug had been pulled from your feet sending you spiraling down the unending cliff. Kaz, your best friend, all that venom. How could they turn against you like this? What the hell is going on? You felt your throat tighten. “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve been distant, but I’m not lying to you, I-”

“We gotta go.” Lance isn’t in the mood to hear it. “We’ll catch up to you.. Some other time.”

Kaz says nothing as she pushes past you. Lance, at least, spares a short glance over his shoulder. You stood there alone in the hallway, your bag falling off your shoulder and clattering onto the floor with a thud echoing off the walls. Everything you had, all gone at once.

No one believed you.

---------

With nowhere to go where you felt like you could truly allow yourself to process the day's events, you went to the only place you knew.

Just outside of campus, where rocks lined the edge of the boundary, overlooking the outskirts of the town and the ocean stretching as far as the eye could see. You settled yourself there, staring at the vast waters and wondering how this had all happened. Unlucky didn’t even begin to cover how it felt. Not only did you feel violated with Tate attempting to do unthinkable things with your unconscious body, but you also felt alone, and walked on. Your best friends hadn’t believed you. While Lance seemed saddened, Kaz was so… Angry. Her words cut like knives into your skin.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve this.

You want to talk to Nathan, but knowing him, he’d see your state and bounce instantly. After all, this isn’t exactly very fun of you.

As the sun began to fall, splaying orange and blues over the wide open sky, behind you, you could hear voices. A group of them, some male, some female. Memories of when your notebook had gotten snatched by those two horsed face assholes came flooding back and with all your alertness, you stood up, and decided that this sitting place was no longer safe. Nothing was.

Before you even made it ten feet away, the group had found their way to your spot and gotten comfortable, one of the girls cheering, ‘this’ll be our hangout! look at how pretty the view is!’

You took a short drive down the stretches of road and decided that if you were going to lament in your own sadness, you were at least going to do so in a place that had something to cover the sound of your tears. Plus a nice view.

The beach, littered with its picnic tables and the sounds of crashing waves would suffice just fine. So, you pulled in the desolate parking lot and wandered down the sandy shores until you stumbled upon a picnic table shaded by a large willow cascading lushious branches to block out the sun- a perfect canopy for you to wallow under.

You had nothing at that moment. No friends, no reputation, no one to believe your tragic tale. And now, you’d just lost the one spot that made you feel comfortable when stress was building into your body like concrete. Tears pricked into the corners of your eyes and you bit your lip, dreading that feeling of a lump in your throat. Why you? Everything had been going so well. How could not even a single person believe that Tate had tried to hurt you?

Well, actually, there was one person.

Of course Nathan believed you. He’d been the one to rescue you, after all. Time and time again it seemed. How was it that even the ones closest to you would turn their back so fast, yet Nathan seemed to be there even when you didn’t want him to be? Even when you yelled at him, and he yelled right back, fire and sparks falling into embers around the two of you.

In that moment, you almost felt like you could finally relate to him. A reputation based on lies and things out of your control, paired with a hardheaded attitude to try and combat all the assumptions.

No wonder he was so angry.

“Hey bitch,” A voice suddenly called, and you had a split second moment where you were terrified of once again being the victim of a cruel prank or some classmates boredom. “How about next time you have a pity party you don’t fucking call me in the middle of it.”

You blinked away your tears and through the blurriness saw a figure coming towards you. All that sass, the tone...

“Nathan?” You breathed. It only takes moments before he’s in front of you, holding his phone in view, seeing that the call that had been running for nearly ten minute. You flush in embarrassment, pulling your phone from your back pocket. “How did that happen?”

“Well, can your ass dial numbers?” He taunts, ending the call.

“Damn it, dumb phone must have butt-dialed you. I knew I should’ve gotten a different one.” You mentally kick yourself. “It must have unlocked in my pocket.”

“You don’t have a password on your phone?” He taunts. When you shake your head, he whistles. “You are just begging for a robbery. I’ll keep that in mind when I’m in the mood to send random messages to all your buddies.”

“Fuck off.” You scowl, and he grins, hopping up on the picnic table next to you. The sun flatters his skin. He’s almost glowing.

“Speaking of buddies, how the hell did it pick my number out of your sea of friends?”

You shrug. “Probably cuz’ it’s a priority contact.”

“Oh lala, I’ve been upgraded to priority huh? Does it display a superman logo whenever you give it a ring?”

“Nope. When I press call it rings the nearest asshole in my vicinity. The fact that it’s you is your own problem.”

“Haha, fucking ha.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He stares out at the water, watching waves pull and crash onto the beach. It’s almost beautiful, until he ruins it. “Yknow, you’re a really ugly crier.”

“Wow, thanks.” You shake your head. “That's exactly what I needed to hear right now. Why did you even stay on the line?.” Wiping your eyes, you start to forget your tears. “Couldn’t have been that wild of a conversation.”

Nathan shrugs. “Between the crying and the sound of the waves it was pretty nice.” He grins. “Very educational.”

“Awesome. Glad I was able to make your day.” It doesn’t feel like your usual bitey remarks. You’re tired, you’re still a little hurt and you can’t stop thinking about how such an amazing morning had turned into such a horrible day.

“So what’s got you all fucked up? Never seen you act like this big of a baby before.”

“Nothing. You already paid off your debt to me per this morning, so feel free to resume our regularly scheduled mutual hatred.” You say, lying through your teeth. You know you’re both past the point of hatred, but you’re feeling jaded, you can’t help it.

“Oh shut the fuck up,” He groans. “I didn’t drag my ass all the fucking way out to this shit hole of a beach just for you to give me that bullshit. What, did you fail a test? No one matched you on tinder?”

“Everyone thinks me and Tate slept together last night.” You blurt. “I think he’s telling people me and him had sex.”

Nathan tenses his shoulders and grimaces. “Fucking werido.”

“I told my best friends that he tried to take advantage of me and they don’t believe me. One of em’ even said he wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Fuck em’. Who needs best friends.”

“And to make everything so much better, these two bitches that I share four of my classes with harassed me all goddamn day. I mean, fucks sake, how the hell are girls named April and May of all things able to get to me. It’s bullshit. And to make matters worse, Tate is just… Getting away with it.”

“Yeah well, something tells me that Tate’s gonna get a real nice fucking taste of medicine eventually. I just gotta find him first. He’s got a lot of nerve spreading shit around given I knocked his ass onto the pavement.” Nathan brows knit at the memory.

You test the waters. “Why would you do that for me?”

He seems caught off guard, or maybe, surprised that you’d ask. Maybe he thinks you’re both beyond that point. He grumbles, “Why does it matter.”

“I’m just curious. We don’t owe each other anything, remember?”

“Yeah, well,” He huffs. “Don’t ask me questions to shit I don’t know the answer to.”

“You say that an awful lot.” You tease.

“Yeah well you ask dumbass questions an awful lot. Not everything I do has to have some weird ass motives behind it, ___. Maybe I’ve got beef with Tate that’s outside of you.”

“Uhuh. Sure.” You’re about to say something else, when your phone lights up with a text. The display makes your heart fall all over again.

Unknown Number: you should just pack up and go somewhere else. no one wants std’s from breathing your air xoxo

You don’t even know who that is. Now absolute strangers are on your case. You want to throw your phone into the ocean and leave.

Nathan scoffs. “Don’t even bat a fucking eye for that bitch, whoever the hell they are. Half the hoes you’ve mentioned have slept with half the football team,” he pinches his jacket, “and I would know.”

“Ew, Nathan,” You grimace, that same feeling from the morning returning. It feels, oddly, like jealousy. He nudges your arm with his elbow and grins playfully. It’s cute.

“Chill, I’m just fucking with you. You gotta know even I wouldn’t fuck girls that desperate. I’m a man of class.”

That last comment actually forces a laugh from you. It’s soft, but it’s real. The first laugh you’ve genuinely had all day. “That’s horrible.” You remark, giggling again.

It's almost like the slight restoration of your mood puts him at ease as well. He leans back on his hands and stares off into the ocean, those sparkling waters under the setting, orange sun. “I’m for real though. Those hoes aren’t worth your time. One day when we blow this shithole of a town they’re not even gonna matter.”

Your brows knit, eyes blinking up at him. Had you heard that right?

“We?” You ask, perplexed, albeit a little… Hopeful.

Nathan sputters. “Well- Like, when everyone’s older and-”

“You know what, it's fine.” You interrupt. “Fuck it. You’re right. We’re gonna blow this town and they’re just gonna be some shitty memories.”

He sucks in a shaky breath. You’ve never heard him scramble like that, like he’s been unmasked. The look he casts you when you agree, when you don’t tease or patronize and finally hop on the idea that yeah, what if the two of you really didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

What if the two of you could just exist, without the anger.

You look up at him. “Would you actually do that though?” You start. “With me, of all people?”

He swallows. His expression is tense, but he’s not upset. He appears nervous, caught off guard. Nathan tries, “I-”

Your phone rings. Shrill, piercing. Mood destroying.

“Jesus Christ, it’s my mom.” You grab your phone and Nathan looks forward, stone faced and silent as you hop off the table and answer. It’s your mother, who all but shouts into the phone that her and your father are taking a surprising visit to Arcadia Bay while they’re traveling by on their vacation. She insists that you be ready in about an hour for dinner, and likely there will be family photos.

Which means if you still look as wrecked as you did this morning, you’re gonna have a lot of washing up to do. With a quick goodbye, a short and sweet, ‘love you’, you hang up and sigh.

“You still tell your mom you love her?” He teases. “What are you, five?”

You frown. “You don’t tell your parents you love them?”

Nathan side eyes you, and just shrugs. It is all the answer you need, really, and for his sake you decide it wouldn’t be best to press the issue. Not now. But- it still makes your heart hurt just a little. You wished that he’d had it better growing up.

“Right… Do you want a ride home?”

“Fuck no, what am I,” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “a fucking girl scout?”

“I was just offering, weirdo.” When he doesn't get up, you feel like you’re missing out. Like if you stayed, maybe, just maybe, you’d get to know him a little better. “Hey, if you want, I can stay for a bit longer.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re needed elsewhere. But,” he shrugs. “I don’t know. Fuckin’... Text me or something. Or not, I don’t care either way.”

There’s a small warmth in your chest that rises to your cheeks. He wants you to text him. “Yeah,” You say. “If I’m feeling fun.”

And with that, you bid him farewell, beginning your descent to the parking lot.

“Hey,” He calls, and you turn just in time to catch a small item he’s tossed right at you. A tiny key resides in the palm of your hand. “Spare. If shit hits the fan again-...” He shrugs, and actually looks away. “Just don’t be too fucking loud of I’ll kick your ass out myself. No Madison needed.”

The widest grin plays over your lips. “I’m gonna re-decorate your room while you’re gone.”

“Ah, you fucking better not.” He shouts. “Actually- you know what, give it back.”

“No, no! I’m sorry.” You play with the key between your fingers. “Thanks for this.”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t lose it and remember- emergencies only. I don’t need you watching me sleep like fucking freak. We’re past that stage.”

“How many times will I have to say I was never watching you. Christ… But, alright. See ya, then.” The key is heavy in your palm.

You place it into your pocket and give him one last glance before you take off, leaving him to enjoy the sound of waves, birds, and the absence of your tears.

#nathan prescott #nathan prescott x reader #life is strange #grazing the fire #scenario #fanfic #fluff

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queenshelby · 3 years ago

Text

A New Life

Part Two: The Hangover Date

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 1,510

Warning: None

It was about 10 o’clock in the morning after the party when you slowly crawled out of bed as you were woken up by a loud banging noise coming from the downstairs living room.

You were staying in the guest room of your brother’s house since Max had a sleepover there with his cousins so that Janine, Evelyn’s sister, could look after the children for the night. She always had been your brother’s go to babysitter and you’ve known her for many years as well.

‘Morning’ you said with a hasty voice as you walked into the kitchen, rubbing your eyes and staring out of the window. Clearly, you were hungover after having had too much alcohol to drink the night before.

‘Morning’ you heard from the small butler’s pantry and, whilst this voice wasn’t your brother’s voice, it sounded very familiar.

‘Jesus’ you eventually huffed out as, suddenly, Cillian appeared in front of you, holding a box of marshmallows.

‘One would have thought that your brother kept those on the top shelf, out of reach from the kids’ he chuckled just as you were looking at him rather stunned and embarrassed.

You were wearing one of your brother’s old t-shirts, black cotton panties and a pair of fluffy bed socks which Evelyn had lent you. Your hair was messy and the remains of your mascara was smudged beneath your eyes despite the fact that you had removed your make up the night before, before you went to bed, at least so you thought.

Cillian, on the other hand, clearly had been up for a while. He was wearing a black hooded jumper and blue jeans which, clearly, needed to be stitched up around the knee area. His hair was freshly washed and messy and he didn’t even have bags under his eyes despite the fact that he had left the pub just before you did.

But, what stood out to you, were his colourful purple striped socks which didn’t match his rather trendy outfit whatsoever.

‘Uhm, have you seen my son, Max?’ you eventually murmured concerned as it was clear to you that Evelyn’s sister had already left and, whilst you heard the shower going downstairs, you didn’t see anyone else around.

‘He is in the living room, having a hot chocolate. Apparently, I forgot the marshmallows though’ Cillian said with a warm smile and you followed him into the living room as he did.

‘Cill, shit, Max is lactose intolerant’ you panicked as you saw him sip on his blue sesame street cup.

‘I know. You mentioned it to me last night so I gave him soy milk’ Cillian then said and you were somewhat surprised that he had remembered your passing remark about your son’s intolerance to dairy.

‘Thank god, because this would have been one hell of a day’ you said relieved which is when Max told you that Cillian had made pancakes for him and his cousins too.

‘Oh wow, that’s lucky’ you said before thanking Cillian for making Max and his cousins some breakfast.

‘So, uhm, what are you doing here so early in the morning?’ you then asked, curious as to why he was at your brother’s house.

‘Early? It’s 10 o’clock’ Cillian then chuckled before telling you that Cian, Evelyn and him were going to see a mutual friend’s new art exhibition in Dublin at noon.

‘I knew Cian would be hungover, so I came over early to force him to get ready’ Cillian then explained and you couldn’t help but laugh before sitting down with Max. Cillian obviously knew your brother well and, once he started drinking, there was certainly no stopping him especially when it comes to beer.

***

It wasn’t long until Evelyn and Cian walked into the living room and, whilst Evelyn didn’t look much better than you, Cian had managed to have a shower and had gotten dressed.

‘I don’t think I am going to come with you guys. My head is pounding’ Evelyn said.

‘So, you rather hang out with my mother? Fine by me’ Cian laughed and, sure enough, it wasn’t long until the doorbell rang and Cian’s mother arrived in order to help with the kids.

‘Do you like modern art?’ Cillian then asked you.

‘It depends. Some I do, some I don’t’ you explained and that was when Cillian asked you whether you wanted to come along instead of Evelyn.

‘Dude, this could have been fun now that we ditched my wife and now you invite my sister along instead? Common’ Cian joked as you agreed reluctantly to tag along with them after Evelyn and Cian’s mother offered to watch Max for the remainder of the day.

‘I need to go home and get changed first though. I would have to meet you there’ you explained.

‘It’s pouring outside Y/N. I can drive you and wait, if you like. That way, you don’t have to walk and catch public transport. Surely, you won’t take more than 20 minutes to get ready, right?’ Cillian then offered.

‘That would be great, thank you. I think I can manage to get ready in 20 minutes’ you confirmed before quickly grabbing your stuff.

‘Are you coming man?’ Cillian then asked Cian as you were ready to leave.

‘Mate, just pick me up on the way into town. You have to come this way again anyway. I am still not feeling so flash’ Cian then said before asking you to grab some of Max’s sickie bags from your house for him to use in case he needed to vomit.

‘You better don’t throw up in my new car man’ Cillian then chuckled before following you out of the door.

***

When Cillian pulled up in front of your apartment five minutes later, you offered him to come inside and make him a cup of tea while he was waiting for you to get ready.

You desperately needed at least a quick shower and it felt rude to leave him sit in his car after he had just gone out of his way to drive you.

Cillian gladly accepted your offer and, just as he sat down in the living room and you handed him a cup of peppermint tea, he apologised to you for talking to Robert and forcing you on a date with him.

‘It’s not your fault Cillian. Cian already explained what happened and I appreciate that you tried to hook me up with the man you thought I might be interested in. The truth is, I am not. I am not interested in any sort of relationship at the moment and, whilst he is nice, he is also a little too young for me I think’ you said carefully, not knowing what Cillian’s relationship with Robert was like.

‘Too young? Isn’t he a year older than you?’ Cillian said before admitting to you that he had googled your name the night before after you met because he was curious.

‘You googled me? Okay, so you are well aware of all the bad press back home’ you said, thinking back about the bad things the papers back home had written about you following your recent break up with your ex-boyfriend who, clearly, wanted to make a name for himself.

‘I don’t tend to read gossip Y/N. Over the years I’ve learned that only half of the shit the papers say about someone is actually true’ Cillian said reassuringly, making you smile.

‘That is good to know. I wish everyone had this sort of mindset’ you said with a warm smile before looking at your watch.

‘I better get ready’ you then said, causing Cillian to nod.

***

You had quick shower and washed your hair which took five minutes at the most and, when you were done, you tippy toed through the living room into your bedroom, covered only by a white fluffy towel.

As you walked through the living room quickly, you could hear Cillian inhale sharply. He was clearly watching you and you certainly didn’t mind.

But the fact that he did watch you bothered him. In the back of his mind, he knew that he should look away. You were his best friend’s sister and much younger than him.

Eventually, after another five minutes, you emerged from your bedroom wearing black jeans and a grey jumper. You put your semi wet hair into a bun and applied some mascara and lip gloss.

‘Is this alright, you think?’ you asked, seeking some reassurance from Cillian.

‘You look nice’ he then said almost shyly before you both headed off and picked up Cian.

But, little did you know that Cian wasn’t the only person who you were picking up on your way to the gallery.

Cillian also made a small detour to collect Laura who, when she saw you sitting in Cillian’s car, was rather surprised and also a little annoyed.

Whilst it was not clear to you last night, you realised now, that Cillian was Cian’s friend who she had her eyes on and this was meant to be a double date which you had ultimately just crashed.

Tag List:

@lilymurphy03 @deefigs @theflamecrystal @desperate-and-broken @weepingstudentfishhorse @livinginfantaxy @rosey1981 @atomicsoulcollecto @peakyboyslover @nerdy4itall@elenavampire21 @hanster1998@mariapaiva13 @fairypitou @harry-is-my-sunflower @zozeebo @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa @littlewierdalien @sad-huffle-nerd @theflamecrystal @peakymalfoyscullymulder @themissthang@0ghostwriter0 @stylescanbeatmyback @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni @momoneymolife @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03 @mcntsee@cloudofdisney@missymurphy1985 @peakymalfoyscullymulder @otterly-fey @janelongxox @uchihacumdump @basiclassy @being-worthy @chaotic-bean-of-smolness @margoo0 @ @vhscillian @ysmmsy @littlewierdalien @crazymar15 @stickyknightflowerbailiff @im-constantly-fangirling @goldensunflowe-r @tellingyouastory @captivatedbycillianmurphy @namelesslosers @littlewhiterose @ttzamara @ttzamara @cilleveryone

@peaky-cillian

@severewobblerlightdragon @ysmmsy

#Cillian Murphy x Reader #cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy imagine

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sly-merlin · 3 years ago

Text

KILLING ME- 14

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre : (fluff) angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.

warnings of this chapter : cursing, mention of drugs, character death.

words : ~4k

summary :

“life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”

“ curiousity got the cat hitched”

K.M masterlist

K.M 13

TAGLIST : @kpop-choco @moon-yuta @kawaiiayasan @btm-taeyong @exfolitae @lanadreamie @cheersskznct @hyuckiesgf @theworld-accordingtocasey @simplybree

@yiyi4657 @sorrywonwoo @sillywinnergladiator @minejungwoo @leesalts @mal-nakamoto23 @ro2424 @itlittlefangirl @nctzens-world @bl–ankhaeji @jeaneteflo @nuoyii @bralessmermaid @minhoseyeliner @tyongpoetry @swimmingkpopblog @jkjkseo @orphicmoon @floralescapes

A/N : this chapter marks the celebration of this blog surpassing 600 followers! thank you so much for all the support! also for minor readers, the sfw versions of nsfw chapters are given at the end of the masterlist so check those properly before reading.

•••••••••••••

y/n! Are you sleeping?”

Registering his words, you replied in a groggy voice,“What the fuck do you want?”

“Your phone. I left mine in the medical room. I need to call Mark right now.” with some authority, he spoke.

Whining loudly, you fell back on the bed. It was only due but flailing your arms and legs like a kid in a toy store, you let out a screech full of annoyance, cursing your fate.

Were you really going to babysit him now?

"Have you suddenly lost your hearing? Stop with this sick attitude and open the door."

A puff of air left your nose, your chest moved rhythmically with your stomach and you relaxed your arms beneath your head, eyes fixed at the fan above and ears ringing with his voice. He kept calling you and after a number of shouts, you started humming to distract yourself, afraid that you'd end up helping him otherwise. That was something, naturally, you were not interested in. Last time he had ignored your voice and now nature had presented you with an opportunity to return the favour. Just with a bit less flavour.

"Are you dead?"

"Hmmm. To you, yes I am." Mumbling, you yawned and pushed yourself up to reach your side table and fishing out your earphones from the bottom drawer, you untangled them and fixed them comfortably in your ear, hiding yourself underneath the sheets.

Sonata no.14 instantly transported you away from the noise and the stress that was your unwanted husband, yuta. The smile playing on your lips widened as you realised that you were his only mode of communication at the moment.

But You were going for a nap. Until then, he could wait. And thrash. And cry. Or die.

Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you rotated the handle of the door to walk outside but your little trip was interrupted when your body collided straight into a wall. No. The obstruction was too soft for a wall.

Opening your eyes properly, you saw yuta standing stiff. Surprised at the sudden appearance, you immediately stumbled back and in hurry, hit your spine on the wooden door. The glare of his eyes, that always spoke more than you could comprehend, coupled with a clenched jaw, was not a very pleasant sight for sure yet you found it harder to dart your own eyes away from him.

"Your phone" he seethed, breathing deeply.

"Huh?" You croaked out.

He raised his brow and in an instant, the previous scenario played like a short movie in your head. Snapping your head down, you regarded his leg with pity. He obviously noticed it immediately but seemed to ignore it and refrained from saying anything. Good for you, you thought.

"Are you deaf?"

Your furrowed brows met his eyes and with a roll of his own, he picked up his finger to force his demand but you managed to walk back inside your room before he could've done that.

Your back faced him as you contemplated your options while slowly stretching your arm to reach for your phone on the other side of the bed.

should you even be giving him your phone?

You had more trust in Taeyong than the man you shared a roof with so there was no way you were doing that.

Unbeknownst to you, yuta was watching your movements intently and the way you bobbed your head, he knew you were scheming something so he decided to be polite for a moment. Only until you were needed. Or your phone was needed.

Once the phone was in your hand, another thought crossed your mind.

"Wait. Where is the house phone?" Crossing your arms, you asked him slyly, already knowing the answer

"You fucking never got it installed. It's still in its stupid package" he seemed rather impatient.

"And you could've called reception through the door telecom. He would have phoned Mark for you. These rich apartments certainly have more hospitality tha-

"I CAN'T GO AROUND DISTRIBUTING AN UNDERGROUND CRIMINAL'S CONTACT NUMBER TO EVERYONE"

He inhaled and exhaled and you just watched until he opened his eyes again, hand reaching out to you.

"Chill. I've every right to be sceptic especially when you are the one asking for it."

Finding Mark's number on your phone, you called him.

Yuta's hand threaded through his rough hair as he noticed what you were trying to do.

"Hey mark!" Your chirpy voice resounded in the room and yuta was sure this was some different spirit speaking. You sounded too bubbly for the way you were investigating him just a second ago.

"Yes yes. His phone exactly.i don't trust him enough to hand over my phone so that's why I'm calling you myself. Just hurry up if you can or you might have to clean up a dead body in the next few hours."

With that you cut the phone. Without meeting yuta's gaze and resting your hand on the handle, you mumbled,

"He'll be here in an hour."

You were about to close the door when he stopped it with the palm of his hand, alerting you with the force.

"Tell him to get some food too."

And limping, he retired back, to the couches.

Sighing, you messaged mark. Had it been for something else, you'd have ignored but your own stomach had signalled you that it needed some good food so you chose not to fight against your own body.

Now, only the taste of the food could decide how many days you were going to tolerate that barbaric human.

"Are you still going to that stupid internship?" Johnny hesitantly murmured from your desk chair while taking big bites from the plate.

"It's not stupid please! I’m just waiting for them to actually pay attention to my awesome capabilities so they can transfer me to the main branch. This is not bad either but”, you stopped to lick your forefinger and tasting the sauce, continued, “but I really wanna go into the criminal unit. That’s where the actual fun is. As long as i’m being paid decently, i’ll suffer with the stupid research work here.”

“With the tongue as sharp as yours, I think you should be getting ready for a demotion instead” he laughed, showing you his fake bunny teeth in the most annoying and childish way.

“Ha ha ha ha. Some well wisher you are! Thank you so much for looking out for me but I'll be fine. Who knows the gatekeeper’s pay package is more than me. So it’d be a win-win in that case too I guess?” when you did a drum roll with your chopsticks to stress upon your point, he laughed harder.

"So being broke is the new black?" Rolling his eyes, he dragged out, "I swear you kids don't know how this world works."

"And you, grandpa of the century, knows?"

"I'm aware of what I need for my survival and from what I've learnt, you can either take risks or look for job security. In your case, " he fake coughed, "where the proportions of risk taking have already exceeded the acceptable limit, a job security is the best and safest option to choose."

"And that would justify my greed and desire to work for the biggest company of this city."

"Kun. The security you need and the independence you seek would be given by kun. Chois are hmm how to say? Cheap? Yeh cheap. They have no work ethics. "

"Have you worked with them, johnny?"

"No. I'm ju-

"Then was your ex a choi?" You saw his eyes comically and cutely widening at your remark.

"No. My ex wasn't a choi and that's not what I'm saying and you know that."

"Oh. So your ex wasn't a choi. Then a lee? Kim? Im? Oh my god! Look at your cheeks seo!" You dragged out. He shook his head as you kept wiggling your brows at him.

"She was a kim but that doesn't mean I would hate all kims dude. That's baseless and stop ignoring the topic. I want you to apply in Kuns. It's the best option. Do it as soon as you-

"Yeah yeah we'll see about that. First take that bitch back. I can't even nap in his presence. "

"Umm. Yeah. You gotta tolerate him. And besides he's injured. Injured yuta is like a gun without a bullet. He's gonna shout for a day or two and then peace out. He'll be sleeping and reading in his room and you won't even know if he's alive or not."

"Now that's bullshit. What is he going to do here anyway? I hope he can hop himself on one leg because even if the sun rises from the north, I am not going to do a single task for him. He can die hungry , for all I care.”

“Do you think you can endure him for some tasty dinners?”

Clicking your tongue, you quipped, “Do you really think you can buy me with a few homemade meals?”

Day 1

Yes. you were sold. The moment the tasty noodles had melted in your mouth, you knew you had no dignity. And you were indeed ashamed of yourself.

Earlier, Renjun had called you to inform you that he had delivered the food and medicines for yuta and had left your dinner box but he had failed to mention the special and endearing note that was pasted on the glass box. In the curvy letters, it read bitchy piglet and you swore the only person you’d be killing before yuta would be jaehyun. But you were going to use jaehyun to build up your tolerance instead.

When you went out to clean your dishes, he was playing some game on his phone, excitement evident from the way he was laughing every other second. Maybe if he remained occupied, he would not be so insufferable.

Day 3

"Oyii! Oyii!"

No. You were wrong. He was very very much insufferable.

At midnight, his voice echoed, disturbing your sleep. You cursed at the cool atmosphere that had prevented you from using the air con which otherwise would have blocked his annoying screeches. But it seemed like bad luck wanted to change its name to y/n instead. With your name being called like a broken record, it was a fight between you and him that you were not going to lose. Shuffling to your side, you covered your ears with the other pillow and tried to drown out the annoyingly demanding and hoarse voice. There was no way you were giving him the satisfaction of having any power over you. He could cry for all he liked!

“What the fuck do you want at this hour?”

Attempting a glare at him through sleepy lids, you spewed with irritation. Unlike you, he was very much awake, breathing with the sole purpose of making you question your whole existence.

“Pillow” scratching his non-existent beard, he mumbled.

Your nostrils flared and jaw clenched at such inconvenient command.

“You summoned me for a pillow? A pillow that can normally be found on a person’s bed? Can you please rectify your demand or did I just simply hear something wrong?”

The opened curtains and the moonlight that drenched the room was the only source that illuminated his face for you and even with drooping eyes, you could see how serious he was and yet you couldn't hold your tongue back because he simply deserved every shit you bestowed him with.

“Turn the lights on and count the pillows on my bed! And when you are done, get me some pillows from your room.” he simply stated.

“Why should i give you my pillow? I need them!”

“Because I don't use a pillow and I need it asap!”

“Then why do you suddenly need one? To disturb my sleep? Oh that makes sense.” and suddenly, your eyes had synced with your body to side with your fight mode.

“I need them for elevating my leg. The bandage is too tight and it’s not comfortable.”

“Then why don't you walk out of the room and get some cushions for yourself!” you raised your volume.

“Because my leg is in pain and i’m unable to get up? What makes you think I'm dying to see your ugly face at this time of the night. I dont wanna have nightmares of you as well but i can't help it ok!”

“you should have kept them near you. And who are you calling ugly hmm? You poop fac-

“Okay scream for all you want! But get me a pillow when your battery dies down!”

“What the fuck d- are you covering your ears? Wow ways to be generous!”

Stomping your foot, you left the room to get the hardest cushion on the couch.

“Here! Next time call Mark if you want anything. Don’t raise your voice ever again to call me because unlike you, i have work in the morning and hence I need some sleep..”

Just when you were about to leave after shoving the cushion in his hand, he spoke up again,

“This is damn hard! I asked for your pillow specifically and not th- AHH!”

A scream left him as you harshly removed the support , leaving his leg to painfully meet the mattress.

“How about you fix your attitude before fixing your leg?” suggesting, you dropped the cushion on the floor and left.

He didn't call you after that. Nor that you cared. However, the sleep in your eyes somehow vanished. Dancing on your sides didn’t help. Neither did drinking a glass of water. So, with a groan, you listened to your conscience and picked up your extra pillow that was sadly too perfect for your enemy.

Padding to his room, you tried your best to scrutinise and hearing his heavy snores, you placed the pillow right under his thigh and the cushion under his calf. Scoffing at his sleeping figure, you internally groaned to remind yourself that you hadn't done it for him. It was just a debt. For the blanket he had once covered you with. Nothing more and nothing less.

Day 5

You just wanted him out of your hair. He was just being a load on your head. At first, only the work was kicking your ass, then jungwoo was kicking you like a punching bag for an hour straight and adding to your distress was yuta.

"I'm not your maid! Stop piling up the dishes for me. I've had enough mercy on you. From today onwards, get a cleaner for yourself or buy disposable cutlery. I'm not going to clean after you!"

With a roll of his eyes, he had ignored you.

And so did you. Pasting a warning note on the sink tap, you had left for the library with a dying hope that maybe the kitchen would be spotless on your arrival or you'd be dialing some numbers in the evening.

For someone who despised the solemn atmosphere of libraries, you had successfully spent 11 hours in the said hellish room. It was 11 p.m and you wanted to sleep, more than anything but here you were, waiting for yugyeom so he'd just pick you up for a good drinking session that you were dying to have.

Fortunately, you weren't the only one who had missed living these past days. Everyone, for different reasons, was suffering so you felt a little less bad for yourself even though you knew your troubles were far more grave than their academic burdens.

"Wake up shorts" someone whispered in your ear. Squirming on your seat, you whipped your head in your sleepy state and found jungkook caressing your head, goofily smiling at you.

"I thought you wanted to hang out till the next morning" air quoting the last words, he picked up your bag.

"Yeah. Let's go. I'm all ready for a night full of vodkas." You yawned out.

"Definitely. No. You are going home. We can have a small get together me and yuggy are done with our final project." He dragged you out into the parking lot.

" I feel like it's been years since we got drunk together. You are never here anymore!" You whined at him, complaining your heart out.

"I will be. Soon. Then we can celebrate your little choi job as well."

"Oh please. Don't even mention it. If I had penny for every time they rolled their eyes at me, I'd be richer than your parents kook." You huffed out and as his gentle laugh surrounded you, you closed your eyes resting your back against the seat, expecting to be up by the time he'd park.

But the next day, you woke up tangled in the sheets of your bed, unaware of the events of the previous night.

When you had warned yuta about the dirty dishes, you hadn't expected him to fill the corners of the kitchen with disposable containers. It looked like you had missed a whole drama while sleeping in the library. The kitchen was shining except for the new utensils. But as long as you were not babysitting him, you were fine with anything. You didn't want to jinx your relief, however, you were glad you would be able to get some work done. finally.

You had spoken too early for your own good. Just when you sat down to write your paper, passionate and enthusiastic howls of that man pierced through your earphones and once again, you opened the window and hopped outside, in the balcony, ready to drown him out. Sipping on your lemonade, you gaped at the scenery the not so distant traffic provided you with and somehow, your thoughts wandered to the only person these horns reminded you of. Johnny.

What are you doing? Your fingers hovered over the text but once again, you deleted the message, declaring it to be too childish for someone as mature as him. Maybe you were just being silly. Maybe you were not. But who was going to put a stamp on your maybe?

Tears pricked your eyes as the harsh words of your senior thundered in the room. He kept shouting and you had no option than to consume each and every word he directed at you. Even if you were being insulted in front of your twenty other co-workers, staying quiet was the best option, you ascertained. so along with your saliva, you gulped your explanations down your throat.

Howsoever unconscious, you were still in the wrong. There was no excuse as to why you had mailed the wrong bills, apart from the headache that was caused by the person possibly lying on the sofa and watching t.v back home. No matter how much you tried to run away from his existence, he had somehow managed to let himself inside your head.

Glaring at the kid who asked for his turn on the park swing, you pushed yourself a little higher, letting the wind greet your stinging eyes as it hit your face in waves. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you chose to ignore jungwoo for a day as it was the time, you decided, to let all the lessons that the past few months had taught you sink into your mind, to bleed into your soul so you won’t ever be able to deviate from them. Ever.

Only if that was so easy. You knew blaming others for your problems was no solution but trivialising them by not paying heed wasn't a smart move either.

When you reached home, your frustrations had died down. So when yuta simpered and pointed towards your empty container, telling you how he had already finished your supposed dinner, you simply rolled your eyes at him, robbing him of whatever he wanted to achieve by riling you up. Heating up the water, you were about to open the noodles packet when yeong called you.

You stared at the shattered phone screen in disbelief as the endless tears ran down your cheeks. As you verbalised the words to yourself again, your body met the floor with a thud.

Jungkook. Drugs. No more.

Three words had silenced the screeches in your head and your mind busied itself in rejecting what you had heard for it had to be a lie. But what how were you going to ignore the heart wrenching screams that yeong had let out. How were you going to dismiss the truth.

How were you all going to accept it?

••••••••••••••••

next update: Some day between 5-7 June.

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #cznnet #kafenetwork #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct x reader #nct smut #nct angst #nct mafia #nct reactions #yuta scenarios #yuta imagines #yuta smut #nct arrange marriage #yuta angst #yuta mafia #johnny scenarios

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shingia · 4 years ago

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Heya. I know this is very angsty of a request, but I saw the fic of characters reacting to their s/o who [tw] relapsed into self harm and was wondering if you would do some for asahi, ushijima, and oikawa?

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌 𝐩𝐭.𝟐

hi ! ofc you can honey <3 i hope these will bring you as much comfort as you need, and plz don’t hesitate to dm me if you need to talk to someone, or to reach out for help in any way. here’s a hug for you bcs you deserve it, love you 💗

also im sorry but i really couldn’t imagine asahi ever arguing with his s/o so i didn’t include this in his fic (he really is too precious)

warnings : mentions of self harm, one mention of blood, some self-depreciating thoughts. please do not read if any of these might trigger something, stay safe everyone <3

➾ 𝐚𝐬𝐚𝐡𝐢

asahi trusted you blindly. and everyday, he had to make an effort to persuade himself that you trusted him in return. you did of course, how could you not trust the one that had helped you through so much ?

but this wasn’t about trust ; it was about shame. because the last thing you wanted was to find in his eyes the anguish and fear as they were a few months ago. you couldn’t do that to him, yet you kept doing that to yourself.

however, you had the misfortune - which was more of a blessing really - to have a very observant boyfriend who cared about you. and he cared enough to gather the courage to finally ask you about what he had hoped you’d come to him for. sat next to you on the couch, he took the plunge.

« do you… do you remember when you promised to always come to me if you needed help ? ». there, he had said it. and from the way that his arm tightened encouragingly around your waist, you understood what he meant by this innocent question. he kept speaking : « you know i trust you, right ? i really do. but something tells me that maybe you forgot about this promise recently ».

each of his words was carefully chosen, more than usual. because even if he didn’t show you, he was terrified of messing up. the fact that you were reluctant to answer was enough for him to understand that he had guessed right. but what confirmed it was the single tear that slowly streamed down your cheek.

« oh angel, no, come here. come, you’re ok now… » he spoke in a tone that was more comforting that anything you had ever heard. his arms were wide open for you to snuggle in, and when they wrapped around you, his words replayed once again in your head. i’m ok now, i’m ok now… you repeated internally. and you were, asahi was a man of his words after all.

« i’m sorry for being weak » you finally said after a few seconds of silence, voice half-muffled by his embrace. his warm fingers traced the outline of your face, encouraging you to look up to him. not because he needed to see your face, he already knew it by heart, but because you needed to see his. « weak ? y-you’re the furthest thing from weak. how can i even put it..? you are one of the strongest person i know, and i wouldn’t be half the man i am today if it weren’t for you.

you wanted to thank him, but exhaustion took hold of your body before any word could leave your tight throat. and when you woke up - two hours later according to the clock - asahi was still there, holding you tight against his heart like a promise to never let go of you anymore.

➾ 𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚

ushijima hated to waste time and energy on ‘petty fights’, as he liked to call them. but it was really frustrating to always feel like he avoided confrontation ; arguments were necessary in a relationship, and he didn’t seem to understand that.

whenever you got into fights, you were always the only one to get angry, which never failed to make you feel guilty afterwards. and eventually, this feeling of guilt started to become permanent, taking so much place in your brain that you had to sacrifice a part of the self-confidence you had built up the past months. but you didn’t know how much longer you could conceal it.

tonight was the first time you were sleeping together since your most recent fight, the one that had damaged you so badly. and you couldn’t lie, feeling his warmth next to you after about three days spent ignoring him almost felt like a reward. but a reward for what ? you were certainly not proud of what you had done, and you were terrified at the thought that he’d ever notice it. but unfortunately, your efforts to pretend like everything was ok were put to an end in the middle of the night, at about 3 am. something silly, really : ushijima had just turned around in his sleep, and his shoulder accidentally weighed on your wrist, making you hiss in pain. he immediately opened his eyes at the sound, his hand immediately finding its way to your side - he was always a light sleeper with you.

« are you ok ? » he asked, propping himself on an elbow, barely distinguishing your silhouette in the dark. « yeah, just my wrist. come on, let’s go back to sl- ». oh… that wasn’t supposed to be said out loud. it was hard to gauge his reaction since you could not properly see his face, but since he sat on the bed as soon as you interrupted yourself, you understood that it had not fallen on deaf ears. « are you comfortable with me turning on the lights ? » he asked, obvious concern in his voice. saying yes was tempting, because you knew this was a serious matter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to let him see you like this, vulnerable and ashamed.

ushijima accepted it of course, he knew he was not the best with words, so the least he could do was to make sure you were comfortable with whatever he decided to do. « is it ok if i hold you ? » he asked once again, his tone a bit more hesitant. the muscles in your jaw tensed at his words, it was more than ok, or at least you wanted to give it a try, but the worry you had caused him was bringing you back to the familiar feeling of guilt.

however, when he carefully made you rest on top of him like he had always done, something inside you felt healed to know that whatever you were going through did not impact every aspect of your life. his embrace felt the same, so did his heaving chest that rocked your body to sleep every night. surprisingly enough, you did not shed a tear. because the comfort finally felt stronger than the pain, you refused to let anything trouble this moment.

« are you ready to talk about it ? » he questioned, his voice rumbling like a soothing storm in his chest « or do you prefer to wait until tomorrow ? ».

ushijima might have avoided many discussions with you, but this one ? he simply refused to. and if he was more than ready to help you overcome your pain, he also knew not to pressure you into talking. words would come, eventually. but actions were always first.

➾ 𝐨𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

despite his usually confident behavior, oikawa knew he had a tendency to second-guess each and every one of his actions, and to beat himself up quite often.

he could not remember the last time he had felt so utterly disgusted by himself, he was usually more careful with his words. but all it took was one angry outburst from him for you to withdraw into yourself - and he had to fix this as soon as possible.

luckily for him, your relationship was strong enough not to be too affected by this argument - which had not been your first, but definitely the biggest one. however, you had been affected. a lot actually. but you knew better than to talk to him about this, knowing that he would obviously take the blame for your relapse.

but oikawa was attentive, and, clever as he was, it did not take long for him to guess what you were going through when he saw the red-stained tissues in the bathroom trash. it had been two weeks since your fight, and just the thought that he had left you alone with your struggles for so long made him want to throw up.

without wasting any more second, he burst out of the bathroom and made his way to the living room where you were absent-mindedly watching a movie. he would have preferred to have a discussion with you with a clear head, but the sight of the tissues kept spiraling in his head and he was incapable of doing anything else but to pull you in for a hug whose suddenness made you gasp.

oikawa’s hugs were usually soft, with little kisses here and there and a few compliments chuckled in your ear. but today had nothing to do with those. his arms were engulfing your figure in a desperate need to feel you against him, like he was trying to make up for all the time he had left you alone. « i’m so sorry, so sorry baby… can you forgive me ? » he breathed out, his voice cracking with emotion. obviously you knew what he was referring to, how could you not know ? and just like him, the thousand words on your mind only transcribed in your arms wrapping around him, closing the last few millimeters that separated you as you frantically nodded your head yes.

you did not think he had anything to be forgiven for, and sadly, you also knew that he would continue to blame himself no matter what your answer had been. that was actually your biggest motivation to begin your recovery journey. oikawa needed to know that, from now on, you’d turn to him instead of your old habits. and you wanted nothing more than to make him happy, so, since his happiness seemed to depend on yours, it could be considered a package deal towards a better future, together.

before you leave, here are links to two mental health support apps that i hope will help you deal what you are going through right now. i know it’s not much but i’ll be the happiest girl if this helped someone in the tiniest way. take care of yourselves ❤️

Calm Harm - Play Store | App Store

Wysa - Play Store | App Store

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu angst #asahi azumane #asahi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader

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